#but the fact that it is a major part of their diet now is hilarious

[fruitless-vain]

"The budgerigar, cock- atiel, rose-ringed parakeet (Psittacula krameri), red- fronted macaw, regent’s parrot, golden parakeet (Ar- atinga guarouba), kakapo (Strigops habroptilus), and hooded parrot (Psephotus dissimilis)19,20,26–31 have been reported to eat nonnative plant matter, most commonly from grain crops and introduced ornamentals and fruit trees."

Ah so theft is a naturally occurring behaviour then is it

[oldmanyellsatclouds]

I started a commonplace book in I think 2020? And then didn’t actually use it much because of how poor my executive functioning has been. I’m trying to get back into it now, despite the still poor executive functioning.

I’m bringing this up now because my commonplace book is a hilariously apt example of the principle I mentioned in my table of contents artwork (can’t remember the specific wording so I’m paraphrasing myself here): why do you immediately fail after deciding the parameters for success? (Poorly paraphrased… )

The fact that it’s phrased as a question makes sense in the specific context of the artwork but sounds a bit weird out of context when treating it as a principle. The idea isn’t that I actually have an answer for why, just that it’s a notable trend where, when trying to set up a structure or rules by which to do something/live, I’ll immediate fail/break structure/abandon the rules. Like new year’s resolution diets.

Back to the perfect illustration of this principle in my commonplace. If you’re into commonplacing, you’ll know that it’s basically just a collection/reference book of quotes and information that’s interesting and important to you, specifically, but an important part of it is figuring out a system to organize that information so you’re able to refer back to the information you collect. When you’re writing things down by hand in a bound notebook like I am, it’s kind of hard to physically organize your notes unless you have multiple books or separate the book in sections (which requires you to guess at how much space each topic will require). I didn’t want to do that, so at that point index pages, table of contents, and visual organizing principles become important.

So at the very start of my commonplace book I decided my key organizing principles. I’d write quotes (the majority of the text in the book) in green, my words (comments, paraphrasing, organizational headers etc.) in purple, and underline and make key information pop with red.

I would have table of contents at the beginning, organized by category, like an index.

(eg: topic A: p. 1-10, 23-27, 45/ Topic B: p. 11-17, 28-31, 55-67 / Etc.)

Then I would have a bibliography at the end, which is just listing the articles (or other media) collected in the book in order of appearance

So what did I do, immediately after writing down these principles? I wrote the second page all in red instead of green, and I wrote (right under “in order of appearance”) the bibliographical information of the second article I included in my book.

It’s just an absolute picture perfect example of setting up parameters and immediately stomping all over them. Not on purpose mind you. Anyways…. I guess that’s one way to unconsciously fight my perfectionist tendencies. Nothing like making glaring mistakes right off the bat to make you less afraid of making mistakes going forward.

This has probably been a long and tedious read if anyone did bother to read, but I find it hilarious.

[drhoz]

#1936 - Meleagris gallopavo domesticus - Domestic Turkey

A somewhat unexpected sighting in Cambridge, New Zealand. Free range chickens are one thing, but you don’t often see a rafter of feral turkeys having a stroll down the street here in the Antipodes. Of course the fact that New Zealand has no large predators is probably a factor, and just as well, because unlike their wild counterparts the domestic turkey can’t fly very far. Wild turkeys on the other hand, will roost high in trees to avoid anybody inclined to a white meat diet.

Female domestic turkeys are called hens, and the chicks poults or turkeylings. In North America, male turkeys are called toms; in the United Kingdom and Ireland they are stags. Nobody has recorded what cats and deer call them. 

The Latin gallopāvō is a portmanteau meaning "chicken peacock" - which is fair enough. It’s not a bad description of the wild bird. The English-language common name, on the other hand, is the kind of nonsense you get when an entirely unrelated South American bird now known as the Guinea Fowl gets imported into Europe by 15th Century Turkish traders and sold as ‘Turkey-cocks’. When the British invaded Massachusetts, they assumed the local bird was the same one. 

Turkeys were first tamed in what is now southern Mexico at least two thousand years ago. Ancient Mesoamericans using their meat and eggs as a major source of protein, and the feathers for decorative purposes. The Aztecs associated the bird with their trickster god Tezcatlipoca. Recent research suggests a possible second domestication event in the North American southwest between 200 BC and AD 500 but, all of the main turkey varieties today are derived from the Mesoamerican domestication.

The domestic turkey now is raised throughout temperate parts of the world, partially because industrialized farming has made the meat very cheap. The great majority of domestic turkeys are bred for white feathers (less visible when the carcass is dressed), although brown or bronze-feathered varieties are also raised. They retain the snoods and wattles - fleshy protuberances atop and below the beak.

There were an estimated 30,000 wild turkeys left in the US by the 1930s, but extensive efforts by wildlife biologists have helped numbers recover, even in states where they had been hunted to extinction. This has led to some aggressive encounters between humans and turkeys that have become used to humans around the place. Even the domestic variety can be quite pushy - my little brother was pursued round and round a truck stop yard when he was a lad, but that may just have been the bird taking offense to his multicoloured jacket. I just found it hilarious. 

[gershwinn]

Lili Reinhart Never Had a Backup Plan

A fan favorite on the wildly popular teen soap Riverdale, Lili Reinhart has major movie stardom in her sights. And if you ask nicely, she just might read your horoscope.

Refreshingly, Reinhart is not vegan, gluten-free, keto, or on a macrobiotic diet. She is a self-described picky eater and considers this a treat. "No one wants to go [here] with me," she says, excitedly, when we sit down. Though Reinhart is dressed unfussily, in a faded black tee, Topshop denim jacket, jeans, thin hoop earrings, and a taupe baseball cap pulled over her buttery blonde hair, she is promptly approached by a woman at the next table. There's a lot the cap isn't hiding. Off-screen, Reinhart's eyes look as wide, upturned, and full-lashed as a Disney princess's; her clear, milky complexion is dotted youthfully with freckles; and her dimples seem to take turns showing off: a slight divot in her chin, then twin creases that show up on either side of her face when she's amused.

The woman leans over and asks Reinhart if she is on TV. Reinhart's lips tighten, and a wince flickers at her eyes, but she gives a polite smile and nods slowly. The woman plows on. Her son is a big fan, she says, motioning to a grinning boy beside her. He's an aspiring actor, and they're in town from Texas to give it a try. Reinhart relaxes a bit. She asks what part of Texas they are from, sincerely congratulates the boy on his endeavors, and turns to resume our interview. Reinhart says this moment — and others like it — is more full circle than she would care to admit.

"It's funny. I went to this Cheesecake Factory with my mom when I was, like, 15," she says. "We had flown in for an audition. I was sitting at the table over there, and I remember I got the email that I didn't get the part." Also around that time, Reinhart recalls spotting Zac Efron in a doctor's-office waiting room and surreptitiously snapping a photo of the actor. "I feel so gross about it now," she says. "It is flattering, but it also makes you feel like a zoo animal. Even when I'm sitting in the cast greenroom, if [someone is] holding their phone up like this, I'm like, ‘What are you doing?' I've become very paranoid."

I ask what she thinks about that F-word: fame. She changes the subject. "Cute boots," she remarks. I am flattered and launch into a monologue about how much I love Primark, specifically the one in Madrid, before realizing what she's done and ask her once more to talk. About. Fame. "It's so weird," she says, finally. "I don't really think about it until I'm around people. I don't think about it until I see young women, because those are the people that recognize me. Then all of a sudden, I become very aware."

True to her word, I notice Reinhart physically tenses up every time a teenage girl — or worse, a group of teenage girls — nears us. But when she's not on high alert for high schoolers, Reinhart is unguarded to a degree I would not expect from any stranger, much less one whose privacy is under constant scrutiny. For starters, she texts me directly, rather than having an assistant or manager handle our communication (standard for most celebrities).

Later that night, we decide on a meeting location for the next day. "As long as we go somewhere with eggs, I'm happy," she texts, before we settle on Dialog Cafe in West Hollywood and push back the time — neither of us feels like showing up before 9 a.m. Reinhart has an ease and openness in conversation that makes talking to her feel more like a slumber party than an interview. She volunteers thoughts on cute babies (just her goddaughter, for now), romantic love (something she prefers to fall into rarely, and fiercely), taking a spouse's surname (she favors hyphenation), and being the "grandma" of her friend group.

"When I get drunk, my friends act like it's a national holiday," Reinhart says. She offers up snippets from her camera roll and Instagram direct messages: photos of the hot-air balloon ride her boyfriend, Cole Sprouse, took her on for her birthday, and a dog she wishes were up for adoption — a shaggy shelter pup with no eyes. And just when I think I couldn't feel any more like the real-life Veronica to her Betty, she asks me if I want to go shopping.

Reinhart leads us by memory through a sprawling Barnes & Noble, up to two flights of escalators, then over to the left and back toward the windows, until we end up in the self-improvement section. Reinhart used to come here with friends, back when she first moved to L.A., and spend time poring over books like The Secret Language of Your Name. She tells me the provenance of her given name: Daniel and Amy Reinhart of Cleveland fell in love, got married, and named their second daughter after the actor Lili Taylor. There wasn't any special connection. "They just liked the spelling of her name. It's the French spelling."

Reinhart drags a dictionary-thick tome from the shelf. "This is a book that I own," she says, handing it to me. It's as weighty as a textbook — it has to be, because it guarantees deep and profound knowledge about absolutely everyone, based on their date of birth. She helps me look up mine, which is hilariously titled the Day of Sensual Charisma. Hers is September 13, which the book has ordained the Day of Passionate Care. She reads the entry aloud. "Resilient determination. That sounds about right," she says. "This part is very true: ‘They may face great obstacles to their success, but not for a moment will the outcome be in doubt for them.' I always knew this is what I was going to do. I never had a plan B." It might be difficult to imagine what the aforementioned "great obstacles" have been, considering the fact that she had landed her role on Riverdale by the age of 19.

But being young and female in just about any work environment can have its dark side. Reinhart was 16 when an adult work associate attempted to force himself on her. "I felt physically pinned down to the ground while someone dry humped me, basically," she says. She has spoken publicly about the assault before — but in retrospect, she believes those statements were premature. "I think I shared my story…before I had really understood it," Reinhart says. "I kept thinking of it as something physical, but it was more so a psychological abuse...that spanned a couple of months. I went along with it and was trying to get his approval because we were working together…. I wanted my work environment to be easy."

She was also a minor at the time, being exploited by someone in a position of power. It's clearly difficult for Reinhart to recount. When trying to recall details — how long it went on, whether verbal abuse was involved — she speaks evenly, but frequently pauses and tells me that that time in her life is "blurry" or that she's "locked it away." "What makes me hopeful is people like [Supergirl and Glee actor] Melissa Benoist sharing her story of domestic abuse with the world, because I think she helped a lot of people by doing that. When people come forward about a sexual abuse experience or physical abuse or them struggling with a disorder, they're encouraging other people to not suffer in silence."

Another personal obstacle Reinhart has been vocal about is mental health. She recently read an article she can't get out of her head, about a child under the age of 10 who ended his life after being severely bullied. "Now more than ever, we need to be bringing the idea of mental health into schools and teaching it," Reinhart says. "It's about communicating clearly." She recalls experiencing crippling anxiety when she was growing up. "I felt very alone. But I was not being bullied, which made it really hard for my parents to understand," Reinhart says.

Her high school experience couldn't have been more different from that of Betty Cooper, who drifts easily between cheerleading, running the school newspaper, and solving mysteries, with a cadre of unusually attractive friends by her side. "I went through a semester when I didn't have any friends in my lunch period, and I didn't want to sit in a huge cafeteria by myself, so I would find classrooms to go sit in alone, or spend time in the bathroom, just chilling," she recalls.

By the time Reinhart began working (she supported herself as a waitress and a Pier 1 sales associate before she landed Riverdale), she was just trying to get through the week without having a panic attack.

Now that time in her life is growing distant. And she'll get to go to prom for the first time, on this season of the show. "Three and a half years ago, I had no money. I didn't have a love in my life like I do now. I didn't have any sort of confidence that I was on the right track, and now I have those things," Reinhart says. And her momentum shows no signs of stopping. The week after our interview, she filmed her first commercial for CoverGirl, which recently signed her as one of its faces. A forthcoming collection of her poetry, Swimming Lessons, will hit bookstores this May.

Pay, or equal pay, has been an issue and probably will continue to be. But Reinhart is prepared. "Cami [Mendes, who plays Veronica] and I have had to deal with that from Riverdale," Reinhart says.

"Going into projects in the future, I'm much more aware of it. So is my lawyer." She's also learned from the experiences of women like Michelle Williams and Taraji P. Henson. "I was taking notes," she says. "Taraji Henson had said something like, when she renegotiated for Empire, she knew her value to the show. She knew what that value was, and she demanded it." Reinhart pauses, choosing her words, sounding more sure of herself with each sentence: "I do know the value that I bring as someone who attracts an audience. And I'm not going to accept less than what I think I'm worth. And it's okay to fight for what I'm worth."

Source: Allure

[asagi-s-garden]

It’s time for Dumb Headcanons-

For whatever reason, Kara is the one to carry her and Lena’s first born child, she can’t just vanish for almost a year without saying anything though, I mean what kind of hero would do that?

So she makes a public announcement right after officially finding out that she’s pregnant that she’s “going away for a few months on a personal journey”

Now the thing is, Lena knows her wife, she knows her very well, and she knows that her watching from the sidelines as Alex and the others keep the city safe is going to be incredibly painfull for her, so she decides to take Kara on a vacation for the first few months of pregnancy

Once they get around the second trimester they’re going to have to go into seclusion in a special fortress that Clark and Kate built for her that’s like half Fortress Of Solitude and half Batcave that’s structured to both keep enemies out, and keep Kara in, because they know their girl as well as Lena does (Alex tunes in from skype from time to time to tell them what they’ve done wrong specifically because she knows how crafty Kara is and is just “mmm nope you see that little crack in that wall right there? Yeah she could get through that, I don’t know how, but she could”) Ofcourse freinds and family are welcome to visit because it’d just be cruel otherwise but anyway

Lena knows Kara, she knows that staying cooped up in one place for 5-6 months is going to be hell enough as it is, the full extent of her pregnancy would be a NIGHTMARE, but she also is a little afraid to stay in National City during the first 3-4 months because that would equally be disasterous on Kara’s mental health, seeing shit go down and not being able to help, so she decides to take them on vacation instead, to some of the most peacefull places on Earth, like the New Zealand countryside and a small town in Switzerland and a tiny island that she may possibly own, it seems like a solid plan to begin with, until....

Proof That Lena Luthor Is Supergirl

That’s the headline that starts popping up about four days after they leave and it’s just everywhere, conspiracy theories that Lena is Supergirl because she “vanished“ at the same time that Supergirl left

Kara thinks it’s hilarious, it’s the best laugh she’s had in a week and that’s saying something considering how much time she’s spent watching cute cat videos on the private jet

They have to cut their vacation short so Lena can go back to National City every few weeks, show her face for a few days, and then leave again

Everyone starts making it into an inside joke that they have to be very carefull not to share outside of The Circle of those in the know because otherwise something might slip, Brainy in particular thinks it’s bizarre that Kara just keeps getting more pregnant everytime she comes back and yet somehow no one has tried to pin Lena’s wife, who’s pregnant, as the superhero who has to mysteriously vanish for nine months (because against her better instincts Kara does mention at the press conference that she’ll be returning in June, wich is about nine months from when she announces her departure, somehow no one has picked up on it, until they start with the Lena theory and go “AND HER WIFE IS PREGNANT AND DUE IN JUNE, COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT-” evidently they’ve decided that Lena is leaving because Kara is pregnant, wich isn’t wrong, but still somehow off)

By the time baby Kira Zor El Luthor is born (they made the conscious decision to break from the “L” tradition in Lena’s family only to end up with the “K” tradition in Kara’s completely by accident; their second born will be named Luka and Alex is going to headdesk so hard she bruises) half of National City has started to believe that Lena is Supergirl, somehow, and she and Kara- as Supergirl- have to actually appear together in public and shake hands with people to prove neither one is a hologram before anyone lets the theory die

Other less cohesive headcanons about this insanity-

-Kara insists that she take care of Kira when she wakes up in the middle of the night because to be 100% honest sleep is a luxury, not a necessity, for her- that’s not even being careless with herself, that’s just.... a legitimate fact... she doesn’t really HAVE to sleep very much as long as she’s under the yellow sun so why on earth should she deprive Lena of it???

Lena: Really, it’s ok, I’ve had a lifetime of being denied sleep so at this point I can actually function with out it :)

Kara: That.... that in absolutely no way makes me feel better...... also I have super hearing so I’ll hear her first anyway, there’s no need to wait for you to wake up..

Lena: Oh no that’s fine, I’m hypervigilant and paranoid so I’ll wake up as soon as she starts crying, no superpowers required! :)

Kara: That just makes me feel even worse?????? B-Besides I have a Kryptonian lullaby I can sing to her that works like a charm

Lena: Oh that’s so lovely, I have an old Irish lullaby my mother taught me right before she died that I can’t wait to sing to Kira as the literal only good thing that comes from my family legacy :)

Kara, near tears: ...Have I done something to you today????? ;_;

Lena: ...no?? why???

-The amount of food they go through during Kara’s pregnancy probably could have sustained a small country for atleast a month, it doesn’t seem to matter how much Lena thinks she’s stocking up ahead of time, it’s never enough and she inevitably always has to buy more the very next day, it takes the combined efforts of Barry and Kate to help keep things stocked so Lena isn’t having to constantly be leaving the Bat Fortress (it was the name Kate and Clark finally decided on and no one has the right to veto it no matter how much certain people want to) to restock, they start this Superhero Delivery Service as a Bros Being Bros type of thing, just freinds being freinds and loving their pregnant super freind so very much but after a week it turns into a ruthless competition of what, ultimately, is the better resource- speed or money, Barry has the Speed Force but Kate has every method of transportation imaginable and also drones and by the time Kira is born a rivalry has slowly simmered between them, the likes of wich goes right back to the type of “Who’s faster?” rivalry Barry has with the Supers, that probably won’t end even after they both die, Kara has mixed feelings about being the inadvertent catalyst for this but Nia thinks it’s the best thing that’s ever happened and she and Mary are placing bets

-Lena knows that Kryptonians don’t exactly have the same health issues to worry about that humans do but Kira is going to be atleast part human isn’t she? So Kara has to be willing to step up her health game wile she’s pregnant right??? Nice theory, no dice, Alex tried to warn her but Lena Luthor doesn’t lose and when she wants something she gets it................ unless that something is getting Kara to have a healthier diet, then there’s no force on any planet in any universe that can help

Lena: An apple

Kara: A dozen doughnuts

Lena: One apple

Kara:  ...Sixteen doughnuts

Lena: *gently places an apple on the table*

Kara: ....*stares intensely at the box of doughnuts, unblinking*

Lena: ....What are you doing?

Kara: I wonder if I try hard enough if I can develop telekinesis

Lena: No-

-True panic is Lena taking care of Kira at the office wile Kara is off doing the superheroing for the first time in months (nanny? nope, not in this house, the child never leaves our sight, we die like moms) and Kira starts giggling and levitates out of her bassinet wile Lena is on a conference call so her investors are met with a frantic Lena keeping her voice astoundingly level and clear wile running around the office chasing her floating baby, they mostly just get glimpses of her jacket from time to time and, if they ask, are only met with “I have a child now” and absolutely no other explanation

-For the first time since being on Earth Kara is faced with the cosmic joke that is Earth’s gravity during her late months of pregnancy because everything is wobbly and waddly and holy RAO HOW IS IT SO HARD JUST TO GET OFF OF THE FLOOR!?!?! SHE COULD FLY TWO MONTHS AGO AND NOW IT’S A MAJOR STRUGGLE TO PULL HERSELF OFF OF THE COUCH WHAT THE FUCK!?

-Kate has managed to live through four years of having actual freinds who have started to reproduce and never once has she reacted with more than marginally more interested than what she had during Crisis when Kara tried to hand Jon to her, but in those four years all of those freinds have been straight, to be fair, and there’s something a little different about seeing other lesbians with babies that’s mildly more tolerable, first it was Alex and Kelley, then it was Kara and Lena, Sophie and Mary keep cooing over the babies and Kate doesn’t really get that........ until she’s visiting Kara and an alien attacks and Kara is just “hold my baby-” and flies out the window and Kate is Stuck with a sleeping four-month-old and no ability to get to a phone without waking Kira up so she’s just kind of frozen like that for the foreseeable future and when Kara comes back Kate is laying on the couch, Kira sleeping on her chest, looking incredibly relaxed

Kate: Oh you’re back, we’ve had a lovely time

Kara: Awwwwwwwww, see? You are good with babies <3

Kate: Mmmm still going to have to disagree on that but your’s is... not... bad...

Kara: Sooooooo you’ll babysit sometime? :3

Kate: Nope, this last half hour was enough thanks

Kara: Wait until Sophie hears you lasted an entire half hour ;)

Kate: Just hold off telling her for about fifteen years or so, I don’t think we’re ready to live in a world where I can tolerate this for an entire thirty minutes yet

Kara: lol ok

Years later when she eventually ends up taking after her cousin and having a couple of orphans with her name on them she insists to Sophie that it’s Kara’s fault because “that time she made me hold her kid for half an hour did something to me I just know it”, Kara pops in one day after hearing this and just goes “You’re welcome~” before flying off again

And finally-

Kara: Lena honey I think Kira is a little too young to be getting her first suit tailored...

Lena: But she’s already a year old...???

[artistsxcreatives]

"Love, Life, and Your 20's" by Phil

Whether you're finishing up undergrad or preparing for a long stint in med school, your 20's define the rest of your life. Freedom, fresh knowledge, and ambition have recently fallen into your young hands. Now you just need a job and someone that you can stand for longer than three months. We know that your 20's can be perilous, but we think that we have a few tips to make sure that your 30's and 40's are enjoyable ones.

Time to Explore

All of your life, you have been told what to do, where to go, and how to do it. Now is the first time in your life when you are the official captain of the ship. Don't give up the captain's chair or set sail before you are ready to go. It's a big beautiful world out there, and just because others may have some experience in familiar waters doesn't mean that they can guide you to your personal destination. Unfortunately, now that you're out of college, your life is basically back a ground zero. No matter how many accolades you had, you aren't the big shot anymore, and there are now vast amounts of people smarter, stronger, and more experienced. You may be getting someone's coffee, you may be scraping every dime you have for your start-up business, but one thing is for sure. You're the new guy you're and a long way away from your partner. Additionally, you are in that weird phase of dating where you finally might have an idea of what you want, but now the girls around you always seem to be on the barely legal side or the cougar side (and it doesn't help that you're not used to either). These are all areas that may take some time to navigate, so our best advice is to pack a hefty lunch and start getting to know the place. Here's how.

Career

Suppose you didn't already know about 25% of recent grads are unemployed. In that case, 25% are underemployed, 80% of life's most defining moments take place by about age 35. If that wasn't enough, 2/3 of your lifetime's wage growth happens during your career first ten years. So what does that mean for you? Stop looking around at others and focus on your plan for success. You will drive yourself insane comparing your life to your engineer friend who's making 90k fresh out of college. It's cliche', but life's not a sprint, and for this marathon, you need stamina. This also means that the money will come, but you have to think long and hard about what you want to do before it does. Don't settle for a miserable job or major that you know it is going to be the scourge of your existence. So you wasted four years on a major you didn't like, so what. If you found out what you really wanted to do as a result of that, then it was worth every bit of it. Now, if you waste 20 additional years in a state of delusion, then that is the real tragedy. Make mistakes, bet the house, go all in, and have no regrets. You will be surprised by what you are capable of, and this is the one time of your life when this is totally acceptable. Actually, it's encouraged.

Love

With more than half of Americans are married or are dating or living with their future partner by age 30, this might be where the romantic crap hit's the fan. You may find yourself scrolling (stalking) Facebook just to see your high school sweetheart pregnant with her second child and long-time college fling getting engaged. You're desperately trying not to be that old guy still at all the college parties, but you do want some female company, and mom's ain't cutting it. Relax.

Before you have an emotional meltdown and a mid-midlife crisis, take a breather. We feel your pain, but this is, in reality, your perfect opportunity to mingle. You probably have more money, time, freedom, and dating experience under your belt than you have ever had before. Use it! Don't squander things and force unhealthy relationships; set yourself free and find your soul mate or a few drifters (whatever floats your boat). Sometimes it's a good thing that you don't have any personal ties holding back you from exploring any new face or regions of the world. With that being said, if you are in a healthy relationship, don't be an idiot and blow it. There is something to be said about puppy love, but relationships in your 20's are far more meaningful and lasting (for the most part). You are beginning to understand why Tom Hanks needed Wilson in Cast Away because companionship is something that all people desire at any level.

These are the glory years of dating where you (hopefully) learned from all your boneheaded mistakes in college and have started looking for girls who have a lot more staying power. Let's face it; the stakes are higher. No one should be forcing you down the aisle, but if you are with someone that you know for sure isn't the one. Do each other a favor and end it before pointless years go by and someone gets really hurt. Regardless of where you are at this time of your life, you should fully embrace it. Love is a beautiful thing, and you will certainly know it when it happens (so will your wallet). Just remember that you have a long life to live and that who you decide to be with is exactly that; who YOU decide to be with, whenever that may be.

Personal Development

This may be a shocker, but your personality can change more during your 20s than at any other decade in life. The brain caps off its last major growth spurt, and you are either refining good habits or re-enforcing bad ones. The good news is that this heightened self-awareness usually leads to a desire to improve one's self inside and out. Below are a few areas that need to be on the list if you aren't already looking to improve. We know you got everything under control, and we are going to let you finish, but these are kind of the essentials of your existence now. Pay attention.

Style

Okay, guys, it's time for you to lose those ridiculous tri-colored embroidered pants and get some real clothes that reflect your age. Yes, you will see terrible dressers at every age for the rest of your life, but now you no longer have a pass. It's no longer a phase; it's no longer a statement. It's childish, and we will laugh at you. Wearing sweats your college hoodie to the bar doesn't sound particularly bad (actually, it's pretty comfortable), but in reality, it's a sign of immaturity. As a man, your style should have evolved from frat house chic to young professional. Not having one good fitting suit and blazer is simply unacceptable at this age. It doesn't matter if your job calls for it or not, there are some places flip-flops just can't take you, and that's a good thing. If you can walk into an Urban Outfitters and fit in with every tinnie bopper, that doesn't mean you're a hipster. It means that you need to donate most of your clothes to Goodwill. Take it from us you don't want to be embarrassingly underdressed to work or dating functions. You might be able to skate by with a lackluster wardrobe, but is that really how you want to paint your 20's? Ditch the Nike's and grab a pair of desert boots; you will thank me later.

Gym & Diet

No, someone didn't pull a hilariously cruel joke on you and switch all your mirrors with the ones at the carnival. You're getting fat, and sadly your not getting any slimmer. Now that you can actually afford to eat whatever you want, your metabolism is throwing you a reality check, and you can bank on the fact that there will be plenty more deposits. If you don't want to lose that amazing physique that you have had all your life, you need to fight for it. Here is where gym memberships are at an all-time high and carbs at an all-time low. Now you don't have to go all vegan on us, but if you don't start investing in yourself now, there won't be much later for your twilight years (not a movie reference). Cutting down on the sweets and poor eating habits is just something that comes along with adulthood. The faster you realize this, the easier the transition will be. We all know the women will love your sculpted abs and the confidence they bring, but this is for your own self-preservation. But if you need some extra incentive, women will love your sculpted abs and the confidence they bring (just saying).

Personal Grooming

Alright, this last one isn't something that should have started in your 20's, but it is something that becomes blatantly obvious when not taken care of during them. Guys, it's time to start caring about your hair, your beard, and yes, your pores. What's the point of having a perfect body with an unsightly beard and body odor. This may be a shock, but 80-99% of people will not see your pecs during the course of the day, but they will see your filmy teeth and Eddie Monster widow's peak. Shaving, regular showers, and timely haircuts are beyond expected now. There was a time where you could get away with not being up on all three; that time is over, fellas. Good hygiene separates us from animals (that and iPhones), so don't feel feminine for wanting to make sure your skin isn't filled with toxins or that you smell pleasantly every time someone comes near you. One last thing, clip your nails. Just do it.

Now that you are in top shape, these are milestones that you need to go on. When you 21, 25, and 30 are causes for celebration and significant birthdays in your life. They each mean higher access in life and mark your growth as a man. Other important days to step out are on New Year's and reunions; they all trigger much-needed self-reflection and evaluation of life thus far. Don't focus on what you have done wrong, but more so on the experience, you have had and the people you shared them with. Grab a drink, get to work, and enjoy your roaring 20's.

[sunshinepeter]

christmas eve car-rides

ao3

“Hey, Tony. It’s May.”

“As if I wouldn’t have my favorite aunt as a contact already.”

“Whatever. I am so sorry to call so close to the holidays, but I… Well, I kinda need a favor. And you still haven’t made up for the fact that you hid Peter’s Spider-Manning from me for such a long time, so you can’t say no unless you want to be seen as a real douche.”

“May, that was when he was fifteen. How many years ago? Four?”

“Tony.”

“Fine. What do you need?”

--

MIT and May’s apartment in Queens was an exact 3 hours and 17 minute drive.

As Tony pulled up outside the dorm building May informed him that Peter was in, Tony sighed, glancing at the clock and back at the door. Christmas Eve, and traffic was going to be a bitch. Tony was on the road from his own home at almost seven in the morning, and just arrived then, at almost noon. Which meant a stop for lunch before they even started going, and by one PM, the road was going to be awful.

But Tony couldn’t complain when he saw Peter Parker himself emerge from the dorm, inter coat wrapped tightly around him, timbs crunching snow beneath them, waving goodbye to someone else who had left the dorm. Tony was surprised to find people still at the dorms on Christmas Eve despite Peter.

Peter was supposed to get a flight out from Massachusetts the day before, but since the bad snow storm caused planes to be cancelled, couldn’t get onto another flight. And, May had to work until six that night, thus Tony Stark was picking Peter up for a mini road trip back to Queens, and back to Christmas.

“Hi!” Peter said as he opened the backseat and threw his duffel bag and backpack back there, before scurrying to get into the front seat. It had been a long time since the awkward teenager Peter Parker sat in the backseat while Happy or Tony was driving him. Now he shimmied down into the heated seat and smiled widely at Tony. “Thanks so much for driving all the way out here. I know it was probably really annoying and—”

“And completely worth it since I haven’t seen your chubby little college face since, what, October?”

“You literally saw me, like, two weeks ago, Mr. Stark.”

“But I didn’t see you, see you. Saying hi backstage for five minutes after a lecture? Not seeing you, kid.”

The kid smiled smally, buckling his seatbelt as they started driving, and instantly Tony broke the silence by saying, “I used to live there, in Next House when I was a kid here.”

They chatted aimlessly (Tony’s projects, Peter’s schoolwork, how much he misses Spider-Man patrol every night, etc.) until it was fifteen minutes later and Tony makes a sharp turn into McDonalds, which he would only allow on roadtrips.

Tony got a burger, fries, and a diet coke. Peter got an eight piece chicken nugget with a large fry and a kiddie meal cheeseburger and fries. And a vanilla milkshake.

“Look!” Peter held up the little toy that had come with it. Tony laughed openly, and Peter looked pleased with himself.

“So, besides schoolwork being a pain and missing Spider-Man, how are you adjusting to college?”

“Good. Boston is a lot slower than New York, but it’s still fun. My roommates are nice and all, but I still mostly hang out with Ned.”

“How’s Fred doing?” Tony asked, merging onto the highway.

“Ned is doing great, thanks.” Peter turned, looking out the window. From the major storm almost two days ago now, there were still piles of dirty snow piled on the side of the road. Some small snowflakes still fell softly around them, causing a gloomy grey atmosphere to surround them. Peter smiled to himself, breathing in deeply. The car smelled like Tony. He wasn’t sure what that exactly meant, it just did. It reminded him of his high school days, where he would spend days at a time with Tony, tagging along to science conferences, working in the lab, those few times he even stayed with Pepper and Tony. “How’s Morgan been?”

The three year old had a liking to Peter. Peter always babysat her when she was younger and he still lived near. She asked Tony on too many occasions if Peter was her brother.

“She’s good. Missing you a lot. Especially when you used to play with her upside down.”

Peter laughed, and nodded. “I miss her, too. Can I visit while I’m in New York?”

“I think Mor would be honestly offended if you didn’t, kid.”

Peter sipped his milkshake, still fiddling with the toy in his hand. Tony noticed his fingers had red nail polish chipping off them.

“When did you do that?” Tony reached over and grabbed his hand, examining the maroon. Peter pulled his hand back, self conscience.

“My roommates girlfriend did it one day while she waited for him to get back to the dorm. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter. Also nail polish remover smells super bad, especially someone who has intense smell.”

“It looks good.” Tony nodded.

“Thanks.”

The first hour was fine. A bit of traffic as they left the city, which was reasonable, but nevertheless okay.

Peter had, at some point in that first hour, plugged in his phone to charge and in doing so realized he could play music. So they were contentedly listening to Hamilton.

“How do you know all the words?” Tony asked, laughing as he watched Peter try to dance along (key word try) to the upbeat parts (it was him moving his head around and bouncing a little in his seat).

“Jus’ do. Listen to it too much, I guess.”

Two songs later, they were in a brief bumper to bumper traffic stop due to a crash, and Peter was furiously texting someone.

Tony suddenly felt like he couldn’t talk to the kid. It had been so long, and the kid had a new life in Massachusetts. The kid doesn’t need Tony anymore. Well, he never needed Tony in the first place, but it was nice for Tony to spoil him when he was in high school.

One hour, then two, and even after driving for almost three hours, they hadn’t even gotten halfway home. The snow was getting heavier, though not intense, and though there weren’t that many cars on the road, everyone was driving slowly, scared to spin off the road on ice or a frozen engine or brake.

“...Then, Ned completely downed the water, and made the face pretending it was really awful. It was so funny.”

“Sounds hilarious,” Tony smiled contently at the road, then glanced over at the boy, unsure. “Have you… Have you been drinking? Not water shots, but real shots?”

Peter looked to his lap, and before he responded, Tony quickly added, “It’s not a big deal if you are. I just… I want to make sure you are doing it responsibly. When I went to college, not that our experiences are in anyway the same, of course, I drank a lot. Too much. It was… I wish I had someone, an adult I mean, not just Rhodey, to tell me to hold it a little bit, and that the soft buzz from one was enough and the lifelong regret wasn’t worth the blackout.”

“I’m not drinking, Mr. Stark. I mean, at the start of the year I went to this party and decided to have one, but… it was disgusting,” Peter said, looking at Tony earnestly, then cracking a smile. “Alcohol isn’t for me.”

“Okay. That’s… alright. That’s good,” Tony smiled, glad his Peter wasn’t continuing down the same destructive blackout alcoholic path he had been on for so long. “That’s really okay. A lotta people don’t drink. I barely do anymore.”

“Do you think Morgan is going to like alcohol?”

“That girl is hyperactive enough, kid. And… Pep is most likely already preaching the badness of alcohol to her. I doubt she will, what with having to grow up with my past haunting her.”

It was a deep seeded fear of Tony’s, one that he rarely expressed to anyone other than Pepper, but also one that was no doubt going to come true at least a bit. Hell, it already had begun. When Morgan was born, it was almost instantaneously that Morgan was thrown into the spotlight, with articles and online news sites writing about the newest Stark, and how she will have to inherit the company, etcetera. Which wasn’t true in the slightest. If she went down the same path as Tony with mechanical engineering and showed an interest in wanting to run the company, then she would inherit it. If not, Tony would find someone else. He would never force her to inherit if she didn’t want to. Maybe Peter would be able to take it over. Or he could leave it to Harley. Who knows yet.

“That’s also kinda why I’m not gonna drink,” Peter said softly, suddenly looking sheepish and a bit nervous. “I mean, I get that it’s my choice and beer is honestly disgusting. But even if it wasn’t… I don’t want to let you down.”

“Peter…” Tony clapped his shoulder in a fatherly manor, then ruffled the boy’s curly hair. “You could never let me down.”

--

They finally arrived at the apartment at half past six.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Stark.” Peter had said this about four times on the road, but apparently felt the need to say it once more as they pulled up. Tony put the car in park, and smirked.

“Like I said, no issue. Lemme come up and say hi to May.”

Tony carried Peter’s backpack for him (“God, kid. How much does this weigh?”), and followed him to the stairs then to the apartment. He waved at someone outside a different apartment, who smiled back.

“Merry Christmas, Parker! Dile tu tia feliz navidad, yeah?”

“I will! Tell Alberto for me!” Peter held up a hand in respect, then knocked on his own apartment. He turned to Tony and sighed, “I think my key is buried in my bag.”

Tony just chuckled.

The door swung open, and May smiled widely, opening her arms widely. “Hello!”

Peter hugged her tightly, dropping his duffel ont he ground. Tony picked it up, and stepped inside past them.

“Hey, good you came up!”

Tony raised an eyebrow and turned to find Pepper sitting on the couch in the Parker’s living room, Morgan sitting on her lap chewing on something.

“Why are you here?”

“May’s car broke down at work. Wouldn’t start when she went on her lunch break. She called to ask if I could call a tow truck for her, and then I, sorry we…” She gestured to Morgan, who had perked up at Tony’s voice and was trying to climb off the sofa to get to him. “Picked her up. Just got here like, ten minutes ago. I decided to stay to see Peter!”

Peter had looked over at this point, and beamed.

“Hi, Pepper!” He said, jogging over quickly to give a tight hug. “And hi Morgan!”

“Petey!” Morgan screeched, now sidetracked from her quest to get to Tony and instead waddling her way over to Peter, grabby hands in his direction. “Up, up!”

Peter scooped her up, and planted a kiss on her cheek, which she giggled to. “Hi, Mor. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!” She yelled, but it sounded roughly like, “mewwy chrimmas”. Still adorable.

“Good to see you, Tony,” May said, also giving Tony a quick and light hug.

--

Pepper, Morgan, and Tony left two hours later, after eating dinner in the apartment and Pepper and Tony getting to watch Peter and May open the presents they had gotten them (an Apple watch for each of them, because that is a good gift even if not StarkTech goddammit).

Before they left, however, Tony made Peter come all the way downstairs to the car to get one other present he had for Peter.

Tony retrieved it from the trunk, and held it out to the boy. It was a faded red sweatshirt, with grey block letters of MIT on the front, outlined in black.

“This was a sweatshirt that Rhodey actually got for me the first Christmas I knew him. It doesn’t really fit me anymore, but… I thought you might want to have it. You know, since you go to the school and all. Plus, it could be like a sorta tradition. I got it my first Christmas at MIT, now you got it your first—”

Peter almost tackled Tony to the snow covered ground in a bone crushing hug.

“Thank you, Tony. I love it,” He said, holding it to his chest when they broke apart.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony waved off the kid with a smile. He saw Pepper emerging from the apartment building with Morgan behind Peter. “You can wear it over your Spider-Man suit when you go patrolling in a few days. In case you get cold.”

Peter gave one last hug to Tony, then another one to Pepper and Morgan, and with one last wave darted inside.

Tony smiled softly, picking up Morgan, who was staring at the door Peter just went in.

“Where’s brother going?” She asked sadly.

“Don’t worry, Mor,” Tony said quietly, grabbing Pepper’s hand with his free one. “You will see him soon.”

[anonsally]

Day 13 in New Zealand: Otago Peninsula

It was a good day for watching birds on the larger side. Long report below!

Today, Wife had booked herself on a walking tour of the city, while I had booked myself a tour at the Royal Albatross Centre. After averting a near-disaster where she walked off with the car keys and I needed to drive [luckily, I caught up with her before she left on her walking tour], I bought a new pair of hiking shoes. I think they might actually fit better than the ones I lost, and they have the added bonus of being purple. The ones I lost might arrive sometime tomorrow, but I needed hiking shoes before then and I don’t even know whether they will arrive.

I then returned to the car, had my phone navigate for me, and drove alone to the Royal Albatross Centre at the end of the Otago Peninsula. The hard thing about driving on the left isn’t remembering which lane to drive in--it’s staying positioned correctly within the lane when seated on the opposite side of the car from what you’re used to. Both Wife and I are constantly drifting just a little too far to the left when we drive, to the alarm of the passenger. Also, the turn indicators and windshield wipers have switched sides, so the wipers are getting a major workout even though it hasn’t rained much at all. 

Anyway, it was a beautiful drive, winding along the coastline with lots of different seabirds (reef heron (I think), white-faced herons, possibly some little shags?, black swans, paradise shelducks, oystercatchers), some boats, and views across the Otago Harbor to Dunedin. There was some road construction going on, but even without it the drive would have mostly been pretty slow, which feels safer to me.

I made it to the Royal Albatross Centre on time. There were only 4 people on my tour--a retired but active Scottish couple, a retired Australian man with a fancy camera, and me. We had a brief lecture and saw an instructional video on the royal albatross, and I learned some fascinating facts:

The chicks stay at the nest for about 9 months before they fledge, and they get really fat--too fat to fly! So their parents have force them to exercise a little and put them on a diet (the chicks eat food their parents regurgitate for them) so that they’ll be able to learn to fly.

Once they fledge, they take off and then don’t touch land for 5 years! When they finally do land, very clumsily on legs they have not stood on in 5 years, it’s always at the site where they hatched.

At this point they are not yet sexually mature, but they start hanging out and showing off with other albatrosses their own age, flirting and gradually building a relationship with one of them. They hang out together on land for a few months, then fly around the pole again and meet up the following year, repeating this a couple times. 

The year before they reach sexual maturity, they commit. They build a fake nest together, practice preening each other, etc. Then they fly off for a year and meet up again to try to mate this time.

They only lay one egg every two years. It takes 3 months to incubate the egg (both parents take turns) and then 9 months to raise the chick, and then the parents need a vacation. They fly off separately toward South America and keep going in the same direction until they get back home again a year later. The male usually arrives first and builds the nest, though the females sometimes aren’t happy with the results.

There are currently two F/F couples. The volunteers give them fake eggs to incubate and then, if another egg gets abandoned (or something happens to the parents), they can switch it out and the F/F pairs will raise the chick. 

The royal albatrosses have only been nesting on Otago Peninsula for a few decades; previously they nested exclusively on Stewart Island, but maybe it got a bit overcrowded, or some albatrosses got lost? This is the only mainland breeding site for albatrosses in the southern hemisphere.

After this, we walked up the hill to a small building with tinted glass windows that the albatrosses can’t see through. We had a pretty close view of a chick on its nest, with two or three other chicks within sight too. They were large, very fluffy, and pretty fat! There was also a great view of a bunch of Stewart Island shags and their nests, which were all crowded close together (but not within pecking distance). And then we got a brief glimpse of an adult royal albatross soaring around. It was unimaginably huge (wingspans are 2.9-3.3 METERS). 

We then went to another hide, this one originally part of a military installment. There was an even closer chick, and we saw the adult flying again. Spectacular.

Afterwards I drove back about 15 minutes or so to pick up Wife, who’d taken a bus as far as she could up the peninsula. We went to do a tour at Penguin Place, a private wildlife reserve and penguin hospital dedicated to conservation of the endangered yellow-eyed penguin (hoiho). 

Unlike the little blue penguins, which return home in big rafts of up to several dozen individuals, these penguins are more solitary. The pairs make a nest together but they don’t like their nests to be too close together. We also found out that there are some gay penguin couples in the reserve who have raised orphaned chicks together.

The main problems facing the hoiho are overfishing and climate change; the fish they eat are becoming scarcer due to humans catching most of them, and the fish are living in deeper waters, below where the penguins are evolved to swim. This year the penguin hospital had to care for 300 starving penguins, which is nearly half of New Zealand’s population of them and nearly 20% of the world’s population.

So, first we visited the penguin hospital. There was a fence with a wide slit at eye level to look through; due to the fence, the penguins can’t tell how big we are and don’t feel too threatened. There were still 9 of them there, which is unfortunately a lot for this time of year. Some of them were still moulting and looked pretty hilarious. Others had their new plumage already and looked very sleek and fancy! It was nice to see them so close up, and they won’t be kept any longer than necessary to rehabilitate them, but of course we were still hoping to see one out in the wild, and there was no guarantee. 

Next we all boarded a bus which bumped along rough farm roads down to the reserve, where we were taken into covered trenches to the hides where we could look through slits at the penguins when they came ashore and then waddled toward their homes. On our way down to the trenches, the guide pointed out a penguin on the beach already! I had my binoculars with me and was able to get a better look. Then we hurried through the trenches to the hide and had a great view of it waddling along the path. Once it was out of sight, we waited a bit, and then another one came! It basically got followed by another one who wanted to be friends but was rebuffed. We watched the two of them waddling up the path (one a few meters behind the other), stopping periodically to preen, and we also saw two more from a distance, as they didn’t come up the trail from the beach but came up on the rocks a little ways off. It was so great. We saw five of them altogether, and it felt really special. I hope some protections get put in place to help them survive. They are such beautiful birds.

I’m glad I bought the tiny binoculars--they’ve definitely helped me get better views of the birds today. I have now achieved most of my birdwatching goals for the trip: kiwi, royal albatross, blue penguin, yellow-eyed penguin! I am still really hoping to see a tomtit and a pukeko, and I would, of course, be happy to see a kakapo or a South Island kaka, or for that matter any other bird I’ve never seen before. But even if I don’t, I think it’s been quite a successful trip for birdwatching!

[lollytea]

Make something.

"When life gives you lemons," is a fun phrase. It's go getter-y, endlessly optimistic. 

But the frustrating part is when you're TRYING to make lemonade but it can only drip drop drip out into a few blops of watery dribble. And its a moldy green. Lemonade is not supposed to look like that.

When life gives you good emotions, its self explanatory. Its useful. Gets shit done. But when you're being leeched from the inside with the bad feelings, you can't produce lemonade. You try but it's never good lemonade.

The only good use for being slumped is making something out of it. Like those writers did in your old school poetry book. Scraping the barrel so you can mass produce words into flowing and "thought provoking" prose, inspired by that concept of a tortured artist's angst. 

Its not like you're a tortured artist though. Not even close. You've always imagined their feelings as more....dynamic than yours.

You see the Great herself who somehow never struggles to find her vocabulary as she weaves the words together to describe what her turmoil is in a way that sways your insides like a cradle.

You see a man hunched with curled fingertips over a bleeding canvas. He's screaming for some unfathomable reason. Probably a part of his process. You really don't understand.

But you can't find those words like they can. You're not nearly as cinematic either. You don’t exist to be considered complex or to be fixed into artistic poses. You exist in order to walk the dog in the mornings, the cold air making you feel sick but only mildly so.

Your fat little face isn't wrung in any kind of angst right now. Its barely focused on the world at all, zonked out and gormless looking as usual, unresponsive to the way life blurs. The moderate amount of dizziness.Your brain is some kind of faulty digital camera. You can't capture anything that's not through a fuzzy lens.

It's quiet and it's anti-climactic and you can't word it in a way that sounds poetic. Because there's nothing poetic about it. It's not inspiration, it's a nuisance.

You can't make something out of this.

You like to think you don't feel anything. But that's not necessarily true. You're 70% numb but there are still those feelings that gnaw persistently until they break through the core and then you break apart.

You're anxious, that's usually what it is. It's an urgent kind of indecisiveness that hops between a crossroads, deciding whether or not you want isolation or to hear a friend say your name again. Its awful when you decide on both, becoming a floating head with a transparent disconnect.

You're no fun when you're like that.

You don't know to handle friends in a way that's both affectionate and indifferent. You can't risk getting upset if you get cut off. You've been left without warning before and you will be left without warning in future. You've decided you need to be mentally secure if that happens again. You need to be ready to convince yourself it wasn't that big a deal in the first place.

But even as batshit bizarre as you are, you know that's no way to live. You can't keep them fully at arm's length and you shouldn't and you WON'T. You need to love them for the sake of your own happiness. And theirs too. Because even in the indeterminate time they're in your life, they matter.

And you're anxious BECAUSE they matter.

You talk too much. You talk not enough. You can never figure out the right amount to talk and either way, it feels like you're doing it wrong. You like to let them do most of the talking but maybe that's not what you're meant to do either. Maybe that just sucks away at what little of a person you already are. You don't like to accidentally talk over anyone. It's never anything important you have to say.

You hope that you'll talk more when you're older. Or at least speak and not bother anyone.

You hope you'll have friends when you're older too.

But you own uncertainty just plays across as a riot inside your own head. It's messy. It's complicated. And it's so, so tired.

You can't make something out of that either.

You're bad at eating. Which is hilarious in its own right. One of the most basic tasks a human can possibly do in order to function and you're bad at it.

When you were a kid, being hungry was the worst way to feel. You couldn't cope with it. You would whine and whinge to be fed and then you were fed. And you would eat.

You ate too frequently, actually. In fact, you can't help thinking about what sixteen year old you would think of your current weight. She'd be ecstatic.

You probably wouldn't even have the patience to deal with her. You'd be too pissed that she was talking about your weight in the first place.

You'd tell her to shut up. It wasn't the way you wanted her to accomplish this. Because even if you reached it, you feel gross and guilty for what you do in your slumps. The idea that she'd be so happy about it makes your skin crawl.

Black Market Dieting.

The stomach groan lasts for days sometimes until it subsides when it realizes its plead is being ignored. You hate it. And you don't hate the way it feels, you hate that it's become an addicting way to feel.

And now you're afraid of weighing scales. You don't like that they know so much about you. You don't like hearing what they have to say. They're not alive, sure, but during this point in your life, no living person can give you worse news.

The eating problem is a stale situation, at best. It's not intense nor interesting nor can it be viewed from any alternative angles or metaphors. Because it's just a problem of yours. It's just uncomfortable to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

Can't make something out of that.

You use "Unlovable" a lot easier now. You say it in your head a lot. Which is a big development, considering that word used to scare you. You don't use it in an overtly anguished sense but in a resigned sort of way. Childishly bitter though. 

Its a thought that has set itself permanently into your subconscious. You don't slink away from it anymore. Though you're still beyond terrified, you sit still in it and accept.

You haven't decided on your final excuse just yet but by god, you have a plethora of them. What is it today, huh? Too sad? Too shy? Too boring? Too mean?

Sometimes it's that you're not smart enough or funny enough or SOMETHING enough. There's some kind of barrier and while you haven't pinpointed the exact flaw yet(maybe it's all of them.) something is certainly stopping you from trying.

You can't connect easily either. A fucking puzzle piece with some weird shaped grooves. Not a lot of people can attach themselves to it. You can barely make FRIENDS so how in the name of FUCK are you supposed to find-.....

And maybe, above all else, you're just afraid of them realizing their mistake. You hate being someone's mistake.

And of course, there's the obvious thing as to why you refuse to get anywhere in that regard. Another aspect in which you're "faulty."

You don't really like the word "Broken." It feels overdone. A little deviantart diary-esque for your own liking. Using faulty makes it sound like less of a problem. Like it's just a few glitches that won't cause any major inconveniences. 

Though you're not really sure if it's only just that.

You don't even know if you're proud of it like you try to pretend you are.

Like a bicycle with one training wheel. It's not necessarily a big problem to you. You can ride just fine on your own. It's them that aren't a big fan and would prefer if you were a little less wonky. Not that there's anything WRONG with you per say, they just can't imagine themselves with...you know.

And you understand. And you CAN do that. Obviously if you loved them, you would screw on the extra wheel for them. You'd try to fix whatever they wanted. You can adapt.

But what kind of delusional idiot goes around advertising a faulty bicycle that only CAN be repaired, if there's so many shiny, perfectly four wheeled bikes down the line.

They're not expected to screw the extra wheel in. It's already there and ready to go at a moment's notice. They can just as easily be purchased with zero of the hassle that comes with you.

So why bother exactly?

That's why you use Unlovable a lot now. Or at least why you're more accustomed to using it. You're all puberty-ed out so i guess you know some stuff for certain now. You've had a lot of time to think about it.

You're in a slump now. Another one. You forget when you got out of the last one and slipped into this one. You know there's a word for it but it's one you prefer not to use. At least when referring to yourself.

It's just slumps. Slumps are like being made of molasses. You do nothing, feel either too little or too much, drone like a librarian and the clock fingers whirl like pinwheels.

Sometimes you worry about slumps. What if they're not slumps at all. They happen too frequently that you could potentially call them your default state. Maybe the real "slumps" are the happier times in-between.

You don't do much of what you're good at when you're in slumps. Which is unfortunate considering you're only good at one thing.

And sometimes you're not good at what you're good at. Honestly, you don't know who decided you were good in the first place. It was probably you. You, saying you were going to be a writer and your family took your word for it that you were talented.

They always say you're good but you've never let them read anything of yours. It baffles you why they continue to say it. Support, you suppose.

But if you're really only good at what you're good at 1/8th of the time, can you really say you're good at all? It's such a small fraction of your time and energy. It can't be done most of the time. Sometimes, you just get lucky.

You can't even make something now. Despite the fact that you know you have to try.

But even with all that, you're still so much of an insufferable writer that there are some terms you refuse to say, even when writing closure vomit like this.

"I hate myself." Tired.

"Useless," Old.

"Worthless." No. No, that just doesn't work either. When you go yelling into the void, you're trying to not use the overused words. You want to acknowledge that you can at least see it from a logical standpoint instead of an old chicken scratch diary one.

You're obviously not above that but you're pretentious and like to believe you are.

You want to be taken seriously. Even when you're so obviously losing your mind, you want it to seem like your head is still on your shoulders.

You've incited multiple eye rolls already and you can live with that. It's what happens when you put an essay this long and this rambly on a public platform. An attention seeking post if you ever saw one.

But all you wanted was to write something. And during a time like this, its all you can write. All you can think about. Your objective is not to be told everything will be alright. If that was the case, you wouldn't be writing it all out to clear your head and fix it on your own.

It is solely to have your current headspace read, self dissected and understood and then it can all be ignored.

Like writing letters in paper airplanes. Throwing them to the wind and hoping someone out there hears you.

Because attempting to write about why you can't write is the most productive thing you can do in that scenario. You made some shitty lemonade but it's better than nothing.

And for the love of fucking God, let's hope that you will eventually make something.

[rybergryberg3-blog]

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[sunyoonandstars]

Hi! I'm also new to the family and I'm already in love with all of them, they're all so amazing , generous and gorgeous, that sometimes I wonder if they're even real ,you know? And I was wondering if there's something I should definitely know about the boys? Or something you think I should know? Thank you for being so sweet and kind to us all, you're the best!!

I can totally understand that you already have them in your heart! 💜 I was lost the very second I started researching interviews. They’re all just so genuine and amazing in their own ways. 

What you should definitely know about the boys … In general? They’re incredibly hard-working and dedicated to their work and fandom. They love us, their fans, and miss no chance to let us know how grateful they are for our continuing support. They started out pretty young, especially Jungkook, and have been living together since their trainee days (over 7 years ago). They also repeatedly stated – a fact that seems especially important to Yoongi – that they don’t plan on changing that anytime soon, even though by now they are surely old and ‘rich’ enough to be living by themselves. They consider each other family, they deeply care about, rely upon and are always there for each other. There is so, so, so much more, what I’m sure you’ll find out through watching interviews or videos like Run BTS!, Bts Gayo, Bangtan Bomb … 

And what I personally think you should know about each of the members for starters:

1. Kim Seokjin / Jin 

the ‘mother’ of BTS 

mentioned that he doesn’t like being misgendered, so it’s not intended as a nickname but merely as a description of the role he occupies within the group (he protectively cares for the members in an almost mother-like way [e.g. loves to cook for them] especially, the younger ones, and never misses out on a chance to jokingly lament over the fact that he virtually ‘raised Jungkook on his back’) 

DO NOT call him eomma/mom or ‘princess Jin’, as some fans used to because he does not feel comfortable about it! 

is mostly responsible for/adamant about keeping the dorm clean (or at least that was the case in their first dorm, back when they used to share a room and sleep in bunk beds. Now they have staff who regularly cleans their new, more luxurious apartment, I believe. Or at least I think Yoongi mentioned something similar in a radio interview/podcast once.) 

king of nagging 

DAD JOKES 

he has a driver’s license 

family: parents + older brother 

Yoongi once called him a “family man” and an “ideal husband” in an interview 

Jin once stated that he would want his firstborn to be a girl and the second child to be a boy so his son would have a noona (older sister) that would treat him kindly and that the boy could look up to since he was often being teased by his hyung (older brother) 

last year his parents gifted him the most adorable pet sugar gliders 

WORLDWIDE HANDSOME

BROAD SHOULDERS (especially for Korean standards apparently)

considers his face (jokingly?) his greatest asset 

but underneath it all he is still very insecure (I believe)

likes hearing others call him cute or handsome 

loves doing aegyo 

actually needs (rather strong) glasses but doesn’t like wearing them because he can’t feel confident when doing so 

recently seems to ponder beginning his a career as a hairstylist??? 😳

should stay away from scissors in the future … 

has the most genuine, beautiful, infectious, hilarious windshield laugh 

often laughs until he literally tears up 

because he freaking loves to laugh

and even more to make others laugh 

does not mind making a fool of himself in doing so 

was literally cast off the street 

a member of the staff spotted him walking by and reportedly started running after him because he was so handsome even back then

graduated from college (majored in acting) 

alongside RM (Namjoon), he is considered the worst dancer of BTS

yet he is among the hardest-working members because he previously didn't have any kind of background/experience in either dancing or singing (was cast as a ‘visual’) 

and because of that he is very hard on himself 

has improved a lot since debut 

but is not being given enough credit, appreciation, and lines

he loves cooking and food and eating

EAT JIN 🍜

and once was put on a heartbreaking diet (like all idols at some point, probably, but still, it must’ve been incredibly hard on him) and was repeatedly told by his managers he was fat/chubby 😤 (WHERE? I demand to know…) 

SIGNATURE: enthusiastically blowing kisses upon kisses upon kisses + HEART EVENTS 

because he is simply the sweetest angel there is

2. Min Yoongi / Suga

the grumpy grandpa of BTS 

but also more of a ‘father’ 

because he is practically the dorm’s handyman (usually responsible for changing light bulbs and stuff)   

good at working with his hands and fixing things (which RM previously broke …) 

MOTIONLESS MIN (because on his [rare] days off he likes to do literally nothing)

strives to be stone in his next lifetime 

likes to sleep (A LOT) and is always tired

can literally sleep anywhere 

probably because he likes to work/is especially creative at night (once said most his songs are produced between midnight and 6:00am) 

insanely talented lyricist/rapper/producer 

actually did not audition to become an idol but to become a producer at Big Hit and work behind the scenes 

AGUST D ❗️

claims he got his stage/nickname ‘Suga’ because of his pale complexion and his sweet smile (’wanted to promote sweetly’) 

despite his ‘bad boy’ image/attitude (especially on-stage) 

his hometown is Daegu (which is what the ‘D’ in AGUST D stands for) 

his family also consist of parents + older brother 

he moved to Seoul on his own back pre-debut 

starved for a few months so he could keep on producing/working on his music and career while living off of under-payed part-time jobs 

during that time he developed anxiety (suffered several attacks, even in BTS’ earlier days after debut) and depression (which he openly addresses on his AGUST D mixtape. If you haven’t already you should really give it a listen and study the translated lyrics.) 

writes/composes songs every day and can do so everywhere, even in crowded public places 

he relieves stress through writing/composing songs 

doesn’t like going outside and repeatedly stated he ‘doesn’t like people’ (I believe he refers to being around many strangers/in crowded and loud places)

prefers to stay at home 

so his ideal date would also be a comfortable night in 

Yoongi is usually on the quieter side 

but when he speaks up, damn, you can be sure he has something to say 

wise beyond his age 

great common/general knowledge 

very outspoken and straightforward  (’savage Suga’/’savage Yoongi’) 

so it’s his task to openly scold the younger members and call them out on their questionable behavior 

does have his silly/hyped-up moments, though 

and they are priceless

can occasionally actually let loose 

but it happens rather rarely 

always seems to be very observant and contemplative 

GUMMY SMILE 

HIS SHRUG  

MIN GENIUS 

workaholic 

tends to overwork himself and neglect self-care/sleep/his health (forgets to eat/skips a lot of meals) 

his studio is called the ‘Genius Lab’

seems to regularly put himself on a diet?? he seems to be getting skinnier and skinnier, or is it only me, guys?? 

claims he doesn’t give a shit

but he actually does 

cares a lot about the people close to him, simply doesn’t show it so obviously 

does not seem too big on showing it through physical contact, too (once said himself in an interview that he wouldn’t be the kind of boyfriend to hold hands or put his arm around his s/o’s shoulder in public because he isn’t the sweet kind of boyfriend like that) 

takes care of them ‘behind the scenes’/’in secret’ 

beneath the gruff exterior, he’s just a huge softie 

used to play basketball in high school and was quite good at it, too

he is second smallest in the group (a few centimeters taller than our mochi Jimin)

which sometimes leads him to jump in order to get into the frame when they are taking group shots at award shows and such (it’s adorable) 

does not particularly enjoy physical activities and the way they tire him out 

loves meat 

can actually cook quite well but isn’t as vocal about it as Jin 

also takes cooking very seriously (see Run BTS! Ep. 36, for example) 

tends to speak in Satoori dialect when he’s nervous 

doesn’t consider himself handsome/charming 

wants to become even more successful and for his music to reach as many people as possible 

Waaaah ….. These turned out longer than expected. I’ll do the other members, too, later on, sweet anon. And maybe repost this as a real headcanon or something tomorrow. For now I, unfortunately, have to go to sleep because it’s 02:30am here and I have to get up in 4 hours … 😁

I hope this helped/was at least close to what you imagined, anon! Take care and feel free to message me anytime!! 💜

[lil-nct-scenarios-11]

Dongwoon- Shortie

Group: Highlight- Dongwoon 

Theme: Request- Dongwoon accidentally embarrasses Y/N in front of the other members and Y/N gets upset as he keeps doing it which leads to them getting to a fight in front of everyone

Type: scenario- angst + fluff (for the most part)

Plot: You and Dongwoon invite the rest of highlight over to your new house for a good time but with the way Dongwoon talks about you results in anything but a good time.  

____

It’s a burning hot day that’s caught in the middle of a heat wave yet you’re out on the street going around giving cold water to homeless people and advice them to take shelter under shade. When you run out of water bottles and feel content with your work for the day, you decide to visit Dongwoon and the others at their studio or office, wherever they might be today. Before you go off to visit them, you decide to stop by an ice cream shop that a friend owns to get some ice cream for the guys as well as just paying a visit to your dear friend.

As the door chimes, you exclaim, “Heyy!”

Your friend turns around and her face lights up upon recognizing you, “Hey Y/N! How can I help ya today?”

“I’ll take mine and Dongwoon’s usual as well as a cup of matcha, one mango, and two rocky roads please.”

“Okie comin’ right up. To-go right?” 

“Mhmh,” you nod.

“Looks like you’re visiting the boys today huh?“ she asks as she swiftly scoops the ice cream into the containers. 

“Actually Dongwoon and I invited them over to our house, I figured I’d just grab some ice cream for them before heading home plus I was missing you as well so it's good to see you.“

“It’s good to see ya too. So tell me how you’ve been?“

“I’m doing great, just got back from giving water to people. How about you?  It looks a little empty in here, I figured there’d be more people since it’s hitting triple digits, is business okay?”

“Yup, business is doing amazing, especially in the heat! But it’s a little slow at this moment since kids are still in school and it’s not lunch time anymore. And you just missed it, there was major hustle here like you would not believe. Who knew hot people could be so darn angry and demanding? And I’m not talking the good-looking kinda hot people, I mean sweat-drenched hot. Anyways how are things with you and Dongwoon?”

“Things are good, we’re at a great place with each other and keep each other happy and all that. So how much do I owe ya?” 

“Don’t worry about it right now, just treat me to a lunch so we can catch up properly then. Here you are, hope you have a good time Y/N,” your friend says with a friendly wink as she hands you the bag of ice cream. 

“Awe thank you and I’ll text you later this evening regarding that lunch love, take care.“ You say as you take the bag and head out the door. 

-----

You open your front door and as the door opens you hear the guys having an animated conversation and you wave the bag over your head at the same time they call out happily, “Y/N is here!” 

“Look here comes the shortie,” Dongwoon chuckles as he comes up to greet you. As he walks over you give him a little glare yet blush in embarrassment but despite that Dongwoon pulls you into his embrace and plants a quick kiss on your head.

‘Strike one,’ you think to yourself. 

“I got you guys some ice cream as a treat from this warm weather. Yoseob oppa, I got you matcha ice cream. Gikwang oppa I have mango for you. And for you two I got your favorite,” you list as you take out each container and hand it to the corresponding person. 

“Rocky road?“ Doojoon asks excitedly. 

“Yup, rocky road. Here’s one for you and one for you Junhyung oppa. And for you,” you stop to look at Dongwoon adoringly. “For you I got your usual babe.”

“Thank you Y/N,” the guys say in semi-unison. 

“Haha no problem. Thank you guys all for coming over today, I know there’s always a lot of work so I appreciate you guys taking the time to be here,” you smile sincerely. 

“Of course Y/N, since you invited us so sweetly we wouldn’t miss it for the world,”  Gikwang says genuinely. 

“Mhmh, you guys have a very beautiful home,” Junhyung comments.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Y/N, Dongwoon, this is for your new home,” Yoseob says as he hands you a gift. 

“Oh! You guys didn’t have to do that, thank you very much,” you thank. 

“Yea thank you hyungs. Please enjoy the rest of your ice creams as Y/N and I will grab some snacks for the movie,” Dongwoon states as he puts his arm around you. 

---

“Hey babe I never said thanks for that ice cream earlier,” Dongwoon says in a low voice to you as he corners you and leans in for a kiss. 

“Mhmh don’t get any ideas, you know we have company, and it’s your hyungs too no less,” you say quickly as you break free from his grasp but he manages to give you a kiss on you cheek. 

“Mhh whatever you say lil one,” he whispers as he lets you go. 

You narrow your eyes at him and cock an eyebrow, “You take the popcorn and stuff, I’ll go bring the beer.” 

‘Strike two’ you count. 

---

After the hilarious movie, you decide it’s time to cook dinner. Yoseob and Gikwang join you in the kitchen as Dongwoon takes the elders to play pool in the room next door. 

“So Y/N, what’s for dinner tonight?” Yoseob asks as he sits on a stool. 

“I was thinking of a grilled salmon with some kale salad and I’ll also be making some bean soup as well,” you say eagerly as you go around your kitchen gathering various ingredients. 

“Ooh very good Y/N,” Gikwang complimented. “I heard from Dongwoon that you two were trying a diet so I’m happy to see that you two are still sticking with it.” 

“Thanks. And you didn’t hear this from me but our diet magically reappeared today,” you say with a shrug as Yoseob and Gikwang laugh. 

--- 

“Y/N?” Doojoon calls as you set the final dish on the table. 

“Yes,” you say as you stand still, wiping your palms on your apron. 

“Where’s all the meat? Is this it?” Doojoon asks in a serious tone but breaks into a laugh seconds later. “I’m just joking with you, the meal looks delicious. Thanks for making us this feast.”

“All that meat went into the other half of her height. Get it? ‘Cuz it’s not there,” Dongwoon cracks himself and the others chuckle nervously.

You scoff and stand in disbelief. 

‘Final strike’, you think before quickly walking away with your head down letting a whisper that faintly sounded, “excuse me.”

Your hand reaches out to grab the door handle of the bathroom but Dongwoon grabs roughly your hand instead and swings you towards him. 

“Why’d you leave like that?” Dongwoon asks harshly with a dark glaze over his eyes. 

“Wh- why’d I leave? How about why you’ve been making fun of my height all day?” you ask defensively as you poke his chest sharply. 

“Height? Is that what this is about?” 

“Yes, of course it is if it’s all you keep mentioning!” 

“Don’t raise your voice at me,” Dongwoon commands dauntingly. 

“Excuse me, I’m not the one who’s been making people uncomfortable. I don’t think you realize how inconsiderate you’ve been all day.” 

“Yeah whatever just come back to the table, this doesn’t look good,” Dongwoon says monotonely as he lets go of your hand and turns to walk back.

“Um no you’re not gunna pull that card with me. We’re not done here. You wanna tell me why you’re being like this? I thought you knew how much I don’t like being made fun of for my height. Baby why’d you make that joke, it wasn’t even funny.“

“It's not a big deal, I don‘t know why you‘re making a big fuss over this.”

“Cuz I know for a fact I told you that I’m very insecure about my height in general and even more so when it’s front of others. I know you’re not one to do something like this that’s why I’m ‘making a big fuss over this.’“

Dongwoon just stands there and shrugs his shoulders. 

“Woonie look, we can't keep fighting like little kids. Look around, we bought that. Woonie, we bought a whole house together. Together, me and you. And that’s a huge thing and a very adult thing to do too. So please stop acting like this, you know better. You’re right, it doesn't look good for us to leave the table like that. But you gotta watch what you say cuz in our house we gotta care about each other not hurt each other, right? So let’s stop wasting time and go back,” you say softly as you rub his back softly. 

Dongwoon sniffles, “You’re right Y/N, I’m sorry for making you feel so uncomfortable today. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking, I think I had too much to drink tonight. Yeah, let's go back, the hyungs are probably waiting for us. I’m sorry love.” 

You smile up at him and he leans down to kiss you. He puts his arm around you and you two start to walk back together. “You know one of my favorite things about you is your height, you fit perfectly with me. We’ve waited so long to share a home together and be able to invite friends over. And look, we finally did that together. I love you Y/N,” Dongwoon says gently to you before pressing a kiss to your forehead and returning to his seat on the table amongst the others. 

“Sorry about that, how’s the meal so far?” Dongwoon asks everyone politely. 

*omllll look how mf handsome he isss omffff AND he’s got blk hair 

*anon, you know who you are, I’m terribly sorry love, I hope I did it justice

[geminimoonbeamx]

Sweet Tooth: Part Two

A/N: Okay guys I’m SO into this story. I can’t wait for you guys to see what I have planned.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Cursing. Like a motherfucker. Because this is a story about Lance Tucker. Mention of slight fat shaming. Drinking and driving (which is stupid, don’t even try kiddo’s)

Summary: Lance Tucker has come back to his hometown with his ego bruised and his look on life more tainted then ever. When he runs into Y/N; a vibrant plus size woman he went to high school with at her bakery ‘Cake Faced’, he leaves the shop with the taste of sugar on his lips and a hunger that has nothing to do with the cupcakes.

💘💘💘💘💘

It had all started a couple weeks ago.

When Courtney, your best friend of nearly two decades, had sashayed into the shop, a cup holder containing two Venti coffee’s in hand. She always did this, came and distracted you at some point in the day. She claimed if she didn’t you would get completely buried in your work and she’d never see your ass again. You defend yourself of course at the jab, but weakly. Because you knew she was probably(defiantly) right.

“Hey hooker” you greet from your place, adjusting the display in the window while the store seemed to have a quiet moment, only a few costumers scattered around the place. Your short frame was balanced on a step stool as you reached up high to

“Hello gorgeousness…Why don’t you come down from there before you brake your neck. Neck braces aren’t on trend this spring” She teases, because everyone whose ever met you knows how dangerously clumsy you are. You just huff and climb down. Courtney then hands you your drink and you give her an over exaggerated groan, holding your hand to your chest and telling her that she was too good to you before taking a sip of the sweet caffeine you had desperately needed.

Thank god for Courtney- that she knows you better then you know yourself. She took time out of her own day to come check on you and ask you how yours was going, yeah it wasn’t really out of her way seeing on how she worked up the street, but still. You appreciated her more then she’d ever know, even if she had ‘momed’ you since you guys we’re teenagers.

“So how has your day been?” She’s nibbling on a coconut cream pie scone. She claimed god himself had given you the recipe for them “It looks unusually dead in here”

“It’s been aright so far, nothing too exciting. The 4 o'clock rush hasn’t happened yet so I’ve just been fucking around. Yours? Your manager still harassing that new guy?” You guys end up sitting at one of the little tables, Shane assures you that he’s got who ever might come in.

“Yeah, Patty’s still earning herself one shiner of a Law Suit. Dirty ass old woman” Courtney shakes her head at the mention of her boss, the woman was a seventy year old former play boy bunny AND the dirtiest woman either of you had ever met. “But that’s whatever. I have some major gossip”

You can tell just by the tone of her voice that what she’s about to tell you is insanely juicy.

Fun fact, you never really grow out of gossiping. Thirty(well twenty nine) years old or not, when you live in a town as small as this one, it’s just a given that every one knows everyone’s business.

“Okay why didn’t you start out with that? Spill” You demand, leaning in closer to her, anticipating her next words.

“Okay so you know how Felix used to date Sarah whose best friends with Brooklyn?” She starts and you nod. Obviously “So I guess they’re sleeping together again. I know, big shocker, and Sarah told him that Brooklyn told her that Lance is moving back in with their mom” Courtney informs you of the tabgled drama between her coworker, his ex, and Brooklyn Tucker.

You gape at that for a moment. No way. Lance Tucker, Olympic gold medalist, LANce Tucker was moving back into his parents house. How?

“No way” You decide but she just chuckles and nods.

“Yes way, dude. I guess there was some huge scandal at that gym he worked at in California. Some coach got one of the girls pregnant or something? I don’t know all of those details but what I do know is Lance the mother fucker Tucker is moving home” Courtney cackles “How hilarious, right?”

Courtney was nice…to you. To everyone else she was a bit of a bitch.

“Hilarious isn’t the word I would use. Ironic though-” You cluck your tongue. Hadn’t he always hated this town? You remember even in middle school he had been so adamant about getting out of this “suburban shithole” and going somewhere he deemed worthy of him. Him and his shiny superstar ego.

“It’s fucking fitting I think. He was always such a giant dick. Now he’s living back with his mommy? Karma really is a vicious bitch. Ha” Courtney shakes her head with a smirk and you roll your eyes.

Yeah, he’d been a huge cocksucker to everyone- you included. But losing your dream? The one you’d spent years working on? You didn’t wish that upon anyone.

“It is but how…sad” You bite your thumb nail as you mull it over.

“Sad? I mean I guess- But he’s such an asshole. Don’t you hate him?” Courtney hates you and your big bleeding heart sometimes. That guy didn’t deserve your sympathy.

“No, Court, I don’t hate him…anymore” you cant deny, there was a time when he had made you see red “He’s not my favorite person in the world. Of course not, but I don’t know. I’m an adult now-” Courtney scoffs hard at that and you fling a cupcake wrapper at her “I just don’t see the point in holding grudges anymore”

“Yeah okay” Courtney rolls her eyes as she gathers up her belongings “You keep telling yourself that, Mahatma Gandhi. Like you don’t still hate Carlos Vance for accidentally hitting you with a pencil in the 6th grade”

“He really almost blinded me and wasn’t even apologetic about it at all. Fuck him forever” You’re dead serious and it causes both of you to laugh.

“My breaks almost over, I have to run. We’re still on for Margarita’s with the girls this Friday, right?”

“Of course” You kiss each other on the cheek and you pack her another scone “for the road” before she’s hurrying out of the door. You give her reciting frame a fond smile, but continue to mull over her words. Lance was coming back. You stomach felt unsettled at that- and you hated it. You hadn’t even talked, or much less thought about him in years.

So why we’re you so…so weird about the idea of him moving back? It was stupid, really.

So you do what you did best, and buried your self in your work.

It really did help, too. Your mind is completely free of any thoughts of people you hadn’t seen in ages-

Until a few days ago.

When he had walked into your shop.

He was still the same. The way his presence seemed to fill up the entire room. That smirk and those expressive eye brows. And, because you’re not a hater, of course you’d noticed that he’d seemed to be even more in shape now then he was back in high school. His broad shoulders strained against the material of his track suit. Jeeze, he was still wearing those. Didn’t he know it was a different decade now?

So you’d taken him personally, helped him choose a cupcake and rang him up. Just being professional, you tell yourself. that was all it was.

You tried to ignore how…tired he looked. Not physically, really…but drained. His demeanor drained. It wasn’t your business, right? So you try to keep it cool, keep your self in check.

You never did have the best self control. When he’s going to leave, you call for him.

“Welcome home”

Simple words, but you hoped they might have a little impact.

His grin is still ridiculously bright and handsome, you note mentally.

Fuck. Fucking fuck.

It brings up old- feelings. Memories. Adolescent adoration and hate. It’s annoying, there’s no place for it in your adult life.

“He seems like a real winner” Shane had dead panned “Hot as hell though”

You laughed at your younger employee. You loved Shane, he’d been working for you since pretty much the moment you’d opened this place and even though he was five years your junior, he’d become a close friend “What you don’t remember Lace the mother fucker Tucker? Olympic gold medalist and grade A dick wad?”

“Nah, I remember him. That tight ass of his though, that slipped my memory”

You’d swatted Shane’s shoulder as you laughed. Little shit.

You hadn’t seen him after that, though. Not that you wanted to. Not that your eyes maybe scanned the shop for a tall head of dark hair…

You didn’t expect him to come back. Him and his athlete ways. Back in high school you remember him and his grueling diet he’d been on.

So you go about your routine, the comfortable one that you follow without even thinking about it. The one that included waking up at the crack of dawn, feeding your dog, watering your garden. Tending to the shop as though it was your child. Bullshitting with your friends.

The usual.

Your usual is broken, though, by one phone call.

It’s not even a bad phone call, so you don’t know why it throws you off so awfully. Why you feel overwhelmed and hot and near panicky as you sit at your kitchen table. But you know that you need to remedy it. With wine. Lots, and lots of wine.

Which you don’t seem to have in your house. How we’re you completely dry? What kind of blasphemy.

So you drag yourself out of your house, muttering about “fuck your life” and “Courtney’s the antichrist” because you knew that alcoholic bitch was the culprit, the wine bandit who had left you with no choice but to go to the store. At 10 O'clock. In a pair of tight leggings, an over sized sweater and ugg booties.

You’re walking lazily through the brightly lit isles of the grocery store on main street. You’ve found your wine, have it popped open, as you stress shop.

You figure you might as well get some ingredients. Plus, you needed new dish towels- and oh, we’re those Fourth of July decorations? Might as well grab em’ even though it was only Mid April.

You’re so engrossed in your task, that you don’t notice you’ve been being trailed.

Lance needed to get out of the house.

Living with his mother and sister- and Brooklyn’s two daughters was driving him nuts. Did he love them all? Yes, very much. Was he going out of his fucking mind at the overwhelming amount of female energy he was being force exposed to? Absolutely.

He was already apartment hunting.

So he’d go on drives, long ones that would take the edge off of- everything.

Re-explore this town that he seemed to know every corner of. Get to know the few parts that we’re new. But even that was getting boring.

So he decides that the only way to get through this night is drunk. Or at least buzzed. The liquor store is closed so the supermarket is the only option. Lance takes long legged strides into the all but empty store. It’s late, so no one is really there, but the one cashier working and Weird Wallace, the towns hermit who only came out at night to avoid all other human life.

Lance tips his head at the man as he makes a bee-line for the liquor section, intent on buying a twelve pack of beer and hopefully drinking everyone that night.

He doesn’t expect to see you. He catches the sight of you out of his peripheral vision. You have a wine bottle tilted all the way back, taking a gulp, before going back to your shopping.

What were you doing at the store at nearly eleven o'clock? Lance wonders with an amused grin.

He should just grab his beer and go home. That would be the smart thing to do- Buuuut, Lance really wasn’t as smart as he prided himself on being.

He’s not following you.

Not even.

He just happens to be going in the same direction as you.

Not creepy at all.

Okay- kind of creepy. Especially when you bend over to grab something off a bottom rack. Your leggings go sheer as they hug your large, round ass. He can see the outline of the little lace g string you have on and he cant help but bite his lip.

What a sight.

You always had, had a nice ass. Wide and grab-able. His fingers still itched to dig them selves into the doughy flesh.

“Well, fancy meeting you here”

The sound of his voice sends you snapping up straight fast, you almost loose your grip on the neck of the wine bottle as your heart pounds and a gasp rips it’s self from your throat. You spin on your heels to face him and he’s just standing there. In a track suit, that look- his signature smug smile gracing his features.

“Lance, you dick!” You hiss at him, holding your middle as you regain your breath “You scared the shit out of me!”

His icy eyes could make the queens guards quake in their tall black, fluffy hats. They’re so…predatory. And sharp. And beautiful.

And bold, they look you up and down unapologetically.

You swallow the rush of self consciousness that raises in your throat.

“Sorry, sugar” He doesn’t sound sorry at all “What are you doing out so late?”

“It’s not even eleven o'clock yet, Lance. It’s hardly late”

He likes your snark, It suits you. You’d never had that edge before “My mistake. It’s totally normal for people to be going shopping for-” he gazes into your shopping basket “Red, white and blue tiki torches and chardonnay in the middle of the night”

“Being normal is vastly overrated” You shrug and shift on your feet “What about you? You going to a kegger?”

He grins “Nah, I just needed a breather… you want to join me?” He holds up the case of beer in offering and you roll your eyes at him.

Hard.

“I’ll pass” you dismiss him easily, turning back to your cart “You have a good night though”

You had a sense of self preservation and you absolutely would not get drunk with the man. Randomly. On a Thursday night.

Lance’s eyebrows stich together at how easily you shrug him off and that part of him, the competitive athlete one, pushes him forward. Because he never gave up, on anything. Ever. And who we’re you to just turn your back on him?

“Really? You’d rather drink your bottle of wine alone?” He presses on, keeping up easily with you so you’re standing shoulder to shoulder(well not really because he has a good near foot on you) with him. You convince yourself that it doesn’t unnerve you.

“Yup” you pop the ‘p’ dramatically.

“That sounds like fun" His sarcastic bite makes you bite the inside of your cheek “I’m offering you company. A good time and…good beer”

“I’ve never really been a beer girl” the sound he makes in his throat at your words is cute. You cant deny that “So again, I’m pretty sure I’ll pass”

“And here I thought we we’re friends”

“Really?” You give him incredulous eyes. Was he serious?

“Yeah- I mean we had that art class senior year and we were partners and” Lance recalls how close the two of you had gotten, how many hours you’d spend laughing and bullshitting and wasn’t that friendship? “I just assumed we we’re still friends”

“Do you not even remember what you said to me?” You don’t mean to say it, you really don’t. But you’ve taken one too many gulps of wine. The look of confusion on his face feels like a slap to yours.

“No?” He starts “Should I?”

You scoff at him so intensely it’s almost painful before you’re off, wanting to put some distance between the two of you.

Why wont he let you?

“Y/N” Lance insists on being the biggest pain in the ass ever to walk the planet “What did I say?”

“Just leave me alone” You’re almost through at the check out isle, the cashier is taking their sweet time though. You’d always loved La'tecia. The elderly black woman kept you in stiches, but you needed her to hurry the hell up.

“No. What did I say?” He continues to push, keeping up with you easily. He was fitter, his legs longer. You couldn’t out run him if you tried.

When you don’t answer him he can feel his annoyance spike at your antics “Why don’t you quit being a child and tell me so I can say sorry- even if I don’t really mean it- and you can get the fuck over it”

Oh.

Hell.

No.

He did not just speak to you like that. Your teeth grit in an attempt to hold your temper. Even if the store was dead it was still a public place.

“You know what, Lance? First of all fuck you-” He opens his mouth and your finger slices the air in front of you as you hold it up “No, I’m talking right now. You keep your mouth shut and listen to me. You want to know what you said to me? You told me that I might be, and I quote, actually pretty cute if I lost some weight. That you bet all the guys would be after me if I worked on my fitness. And that killed high school me. But adult me, whose obviously doing a hellva lot better then you in life doesn’t care. So there’s nothing you need to say a meaningless sorry for. But we are not friends” You’re pretty composed during the entirety of your little rant. Until the end. You hiss those words at him.

La'tecia just minds her business, and you give her your card, eagerly.

Lance attempts to absorb your words, you’d never seen him at a loss for words. Yeah, he remembers that conversation…but you were totally twisting his words! It hadn’t even gone down like that.

“Y/N-” He starts. but your bags are in your cart and your off. He intends on following you again but-

“Uh-uh. Are you going to pay for those?” La'tecia’s cutting voice asks and he sighs and takes out his wallet.

“Let me tell you, boy. You’ve always been heard headed. And loud as hell. But I never thought you we’re cruel, even with all that nonsense everyone always spoke about you” She starts, looking him right in the eye as she speaks “You’re a grown man now. Act like it”

Lance feels personally attacked. How had this night taken this route? All he’d wanted was some beers.

“Thanks for your words of wisdom. You should consider a new profession? Therapy maybe? Counseling? Telling people where isle four is, is obviously getting to mediocre for you” He sarcastically pans at the woman before snatching his beer and his card and stalking off.

He doesn’t know why he’d expected to find you outside, the lot is empty. Your long gone. He reaches for one of the beers, wrenching open the box before popping the can open an chugging. The drive back home is spent with him stewing and going over things he hadn’t thought about in…well ever. How was he supposed to know that him stating a simple face back so long ago would make you hate him forever? Hah, no, you didn’t even hate him. As you said. You just didn’t care about him. At all.

Like no one did.

His knuckles are white around the steering wheel as he sits outside the front of his house for nearly half an hour. Wondering what the fuck had just happened.

Oh, how the mighty had fallen.

——————

@huntressxtimelady @i-had-a-life-once @zombiewerewolfqueen @spookyscaryscully @adyseesbeauty @geekyweed @maximum-effort-minimum-life @peacefulwriter88 @pegasusdragontiger @papi-chulo-bucky @yslbucky @iamwarrenspeace

Okay so one of my Aunts from my dads side of the family was just over and I knew I needed to write in La'tecia because I love bold black women. I’m sorry it got to moody, but for there to be any realism in this story Y/N needs to first call him on his shit. Give me some feed back! Let me know if you want to be tagged! Love you’s guys!

Part Three

Part Four

[incarnateirony]

Considering the fact that I adore your ds posts, and seeing you now are playing ff7r (oh my, my 3 fave things in one! Haha), I'd definitely like to hear your take on the game overall vs OG (if you played), the love triangle debate, Real!C vs SOLDIER!C. I guess I'd like some fresh insight? I like hearing multiple opinions, even if I do have my own.

Well a few notes: - I actually finished the remake already, I just didn't leave commentary on it, and my verbal commentary the whole way through was mostly fallen on the ears of my wife and adoptive mama (depending on if you go to twitter, you may recognize them respectively as the Honeybadger and Doris Helmick)

...actually this is gonna be long and touch on spoilers so I'ma put it behind a cut. 

- Yes, I played the original. In fact it has an anchor point in my life, I think, as to how I consume media, as it was the first game I ever played on my own console. My mom was one of those “video games rot ur brain” moms and my experiences until then were being loaned a game boy by a friend and a few of their games and playing under the blankets when I was little, smashing things with Link or playing pokemon or whatever here or there.

- It’s also one of the best memories of my late mother, who eventually slid into major opiod addiction due to mismanaged health issues. She was a disabled single mother and I was the illegally-working-way-too-young-to-stay-alive kid. She eventually cracked and, around when the PS2 was being freshly released and everybody was selling off their PSX, she went to a pawn shop. 

- It’s fresh in my mind to this day. First she had me open the box and I lost my mind, and then, huddled up in her pained position she had, she held out a plastic bag to me that christmas, apologizing because she didn’t know anything about video games but the nice man at the store said they were all very popular. Inside were a spyro game, a Star Wars game, and FF7-9. My jaw dropped. I told her she did better than she could ever understand. Hearing the most about FF7, I grabbed it and ran to the playstation to put it in, and started crying at the initial cinematic sequence.

- I 100% approve of this reboot. It's designed in a way where it maintains the full spirit of the original, and hit on speculation points my wife and I had through the course of the game. (Eg, I hadn't spoilered myself but started addressing the whispers of fate, and the chance to change the course of history, maybe even saving Aerith. She countered with the fact that Advent Children would then be moot. At which point I said, yeah, but isn't that the very point of showing us the fates and making an alternate timeline? And then the ending dickslaps you repeatedly at the Crossroads of Destiny). They made it true to the *full body of work* while still making sure that just because you played the original you don't know what's coming.

- To avoid public spoilers being too specific despite the cut, there is literally a "death” around the Jenova fight I yelled THAT ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, WHAT THE FUCK, NO, WHY, WHAT THE FUCK and poor Doris was like "????????? what what what???? I mean that's sad but WHAT" because she never saw the original and couldn't figure out why I was flipping out.

- Despite knowing better with the way they were arranging the fates, they arranged it so dramatically that in the moment I completely forgot about that and started panicking and losing my nut. I was yelling it the entire fight too, like, BUT WHY, WHY HIM, THAT ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN while doing dramatic dodge flips avoiding tentacles shitting all over me. Timing and execution is A+.

- While augmenting parts of the narrative, it really just emboldened the original rather than writing over it. I can’t emphasize enough how this game, from 1997, is so politically on point for today, right down to the blackmask avalanche cell, the propaganda, corporatism, controlled government, and the goddamn antifa flag painted in one of the fucking sewers lmao wtf

- when it comes to the love triangle debate, I’m actually not the kind to say, pick one side or the other. As I mentioned in my previous post, I see both sides of the discussion (eg Tifa, Aerith) as valid. Because the weird competitive ship warring in fandom is as hilarious to me in any other place as it is in SPN fandom tbqh.

- I do see them ~possibly~ setting up a potential of even changing or revising Zack’s fate and letting him reunite with Aerith which, long term, would probably slide Cloud -- awakened to his truth and self -- towards Tifa’s court. Original I’d say both are equally valid, despite nobody doing any kissing, love confessions, etc. Because again, when I talk about not holding my queer pairings to unequal bars, this is exactly what I’m talking about -- and I think part of what I said about sculpting how I receive media at a young age. Not only was I buried in mountains of classic literature my entire life, but my engagement with modern media still showed that you don’t HAVE to have some giant make out session or perfectly poised I LUFF YEW to be valid in romance, the same as old books. Hell, this even applies to the few animes I watched, like X. They were always orbiting around complex interpersonal relationships, nonphysicalized romance be it het or queer, whatever else. I don’t know what kind of media diet people grew up with to act like every straight pairing ever gets a humpa-dumpa-horny-scene or perfectly poised confession or whatever the fuck, tbqh.

- In the end though, I do consider it unfair to say, OG!Cloud rather than Soldier!Cloud to also infer any and all attachments he had to Aerith were manufactured. Cloud gained patched over memories for Zack, sure, but he wasn’t really witness to Aerith and Zack to just take that on. Aerith definitely saw the ghost of Zack in Cloud, too. But you’re really not gonna get me to say “Cloud/Aerith > Cloud/Tifa” or the other way around, even if personally, Cloud/Aerith hits on a far more emotionally impacting level to the point I started crying again any time I heard her theme play in the remake, or her being cute, or whatever, or even saw the fates swirling around her because I knew what inevitability they were driving home.

- There’s also other reasons that hits very truly home for me that I can’t even get into in a public post tbh

- I think I answered everything for this but IDK?

- I will type Aerith to appease the nerd crowd but I refuse to say it out loud and I’m sorry. After decades of saying Aeris, I feel like I have a lithp if I thtart thaying aerith. Like no offense to people who have lisps and no judgment but it theriously metheth with my head.

[randoreviews]

LEE INTERVIEW 2

Ben: So yeah, again, these are like really simple questions. No real brain busters. Should I just start? Lee: Yeah, just dive right in, man. Ben: Okay, cool. So what was the last thing you had to eat? Lee: Ahh, this morning I had some breakfast, I made some... potatoes, some scrambled eggs, with a little bit of creme fraiche in em and some cilantro and some sausage. Ben: Oooo! Lee: And then I hit it with a little green Tabasco. Ben: I was gonna ask you any ketchup but green Tabasco, okay. Lee: Yeah, green Tabasco. It's the only way to fly. Ben: Nice. And I was gonna ask you what was the last thing you had to drink, but I can join it up with this question: did you have coffee this morning and how was that? Lee: Yeah, I have coffee every morning. Ben: Does it make you, like, wanna listen to heavy metal or? Lee: No, just a pleasant way to ease into the day, I find. Come down and throw on a pot. Feed the dog. Let the dog out. By the time all that's done there's a fresh hot pot a coffee waiting for me. And just sip on that for a while. Ben: Nice. So in general it usually relaxes you? Cuz I know sometimes for me it can give you that gentle boost you need or like for me it'll make me wanna do like twenty different things at once and plan a trip around the world. Lee: Yeah, I think the jitters is what they call that. But ah, I'll just avoid drinking it late at night, other than that it keeps me rollin through the day. Ben: Yessir. Cool. So when was the last time you had a Pop-Tart? Really random question. Lee: Pop-Tart? God I feel like it was actually more recent than you would think, but I can't put my finger on when it woulda been. I feel like Pop-Tarts were in my life fairly recent... Oh yeah, cuz my fiance's brother is big into Pop-Tarts, so I think when he was out here earlier this fall he had a little stash and then when he left I think there were a Pop-Tart or two leftover. So I'm gonna say it was probly sometime possibly after Thanksgiving but before Christmas. If you can believe that. Before that it was prolly... ten years? Ben: I can, yeah. Cool, so pretty recently, I knew there was a reason I asked you that. Lee: Oh, yeah. Very timely question. On point as always. Ben: Haha. Those things will last twenty years in the cupboard. May as well not let em go to waste anyway. Lee: No. In fact I'll probly go back inside and check and make sure I didn't miss any on my last round. Ben: Haha. Okay. I have just so many random questions just scribbled down. What one makes sense next. Lee: That's cool. Ben: Arrre youuu watching any shows right now with your fiance, since you just mentioned her. Any Columbo. Lee: No, we haven't... well, I'll take that back, sooo... we both enjoy The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on... Netflix, I believe? No, it's not Netflix, it's Amazon. Ben: Yup. Lee: Yeah, that's a really good show and I think they only have like two or three episodes left in the, I guess it's the series. It's definitely season 3 maybe but I don't think they're makin another one after that. Ben: I've heard it has great costumes. Lee: Yeah, great costumes, great set design. The dialogue's just... razor sharp. (starts laughing to himself) Ben: Haha, yup. Lee: And it's a pretty unique concept or storyline or however you wanna put it, it's not something I've seen anything like before so... Ben: And that's about the housewife who becomes a standup comedian? Lee: Yeah, pretty much. Yup. Ben: Okay, okay. Is she your favorite character in the show? Lee: She's great. She's also got this lady who plays her manager who's (starts laughing to himself again) pretty hilarious at times. And then, oh, maybe you can help me with this one -- her dad is played by the guy who was in that show, you would know his name. He was in, I wanna say he was in The Man Who Wasn't There but I can't put my finger on where he woulda been. But he played that like neurotic detective on some TBS show I can't remember. Ben: Huh. Okay. I don't think I can remember? But I'm just gonna look it up and I'll include it in the transcript of the interview.   https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001724/ Lee: Yeah, but his character is probably my favorite of the bunch. Ben: Nice. So Mrs. Maisel and no other shows right now? Lee: No. No, we try to avoid the TV as much as possible which we do a really good job at but every once in a while we’ll watch... we watched Clue? The movie Clue last night from 1985? Ben: Oh I love that one. Lee: Yeah, it's the first time I'd seen it. Ben: Oh, it's great. Great ensemble cast. Lee: Yeah, Christopher Lloyd and the guy whose name I don't remember but I think he was in like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ben: Tim Curry. Lee: Tim Curry, yeah. He was really good. I didn't recognize anyone else, I think. Ben: Yeah. And then the maid. I've seen it a couple times but when you're really young that maid with the great cleavage, it's like, I like this movie. Lee: Lotta great cleavage in that movie, to be honest. I pointed that out as we were watchin it, I was like, yeah... pretty decent amount of cleavage. They knew what they were doin back in the 80s. Wouldn't get away with that now, I'll tell you that much! Ben: Yup, yup. Lee: So yeah, that's about it. Ben: That's a good one, man. So keeping on this same line of questions: last movie you saw in the theater?? Lee: I do actually know the last movie I saw in the theater is I went to see Joker. Ben: Nice. Lee: And I was thoroughly disappointed in that movie, I didn't like that at all. Ben: Really? You thought it was overdone? Lee: Uh, yeah, it's just, I didn't find it at all... interesting, or compelling or... I dunno. Like I just didn't understand why I was sittin there watchin it. And I love Joaquin Phoenix, I think he does a great job in everything I've seen him in but I didn't find his performance all that interesting, or I didn't find the character of the Joker the way they wrote it all that interesting either. I've heard it compared to like Taxi Driver before but it was basically the same story, this kind of loner, isolated, gets a little obsessed with the wrong things and all of a sudden he's crazy. Ben: Right. Yeah. And that was the last movie you saw in the theater? Lee: Yeah... I think so. And then before that Christopher Robin. Ben: Cool, haha. How was that? Lee: That was a great movie. I'll take Christopher Robin over Joker any day of the week. Ben: Hahaha. Lee: What are you laughin at? Ben: Did you see that with your nephew or with your fiance? Lee: Well she was not my fiance at the time but uh, we had just started dating and we went and saw that and, both enjoyed it. Ben: Nice. Have you been listening to any music? Lee: Mmm, gash. I meaaan... a little bit. We'll throw on some tunes around the house every now and then. Ben: Do you have a speaker system or like a bluetooth speaker err? Lee: Yeah, like a little bluetooth speaker, which is fairly decent, it just kinda fills up the room. And then if I'm workin out I'll put on somethin in the headphones just to supplement the coffee, so I feel like I can take on the world. But it's been a long time since I've consistently listened to music, I'm more into podcasts and stuff these days. Ben: Yea, I think that's like a lot of people. What are your favorite podcasts? Lee: Uumm... geez louise... aahh... my favorite podcast is called Part of the Problem by a guy named Dave Smith. And it's sort of a equal parts I guess political and current events. Ahh... what would you call it. I dunno... discussion, or whatever. Ben: Discourse. Lee: Huh? Ben: Discourse? Lee: Yeah, well it's him, Dave Smith, who actually got his start in and still is a standup comedian, so he's got a really good talent of bein able to sort of dissect political news, current events news and then put a usually pretty funny take on it. And if not he's just an incredibly interesting guy and has a take that I sort of identify with more often than not, so... Ben: Is he our age or older err? Lee: Actually, yeah, he's exactly our age, I believe, he's 36, 37. Your birthday's comin up, what, next week, right? Ben: Uh, yeah, I guess it's kinda been in my mind but, I'll be celebrating by myself. Lee: Are you ready? Ben: Yeah, 37! Seems like a fine age, ya know? Lee: It is a fine age, to be sure. Ben: Yeah, yeah. Just keep on learning little things, little improvements. Lee: Yup, every day. Ben: Soo... podcasts, so yeah, any others besides the Dave Smith one? Lee: Umm... I mean, yeah, I mean I've sort of got my little Rolodex that I'll roll through from time to time, this guy Tom Woods I like listenin to a lot. I've actually been pretty good at eliminating podcasts from my diet, not addin em, just kinda cuttin out the riffraff. Ben: Some podcast pruning? Lee: Yeah, exactly. The Joe Rogans of the world have no place in my heart anymore. Ben: Shh, I was just thinking the other day about isn't it crazy Joe Rogan is like the Walter Cronkite of our generation? Lee: Haha, yeah, I know, but he's such a fucking douche too. Not that Cronkite wasn't a douche but... Ben: It's like, can you picture Walter Cronkite being into jiu-jitsu, I mean, tha'd be pretty great, but... Lee: That would be pretty great. And like slammin DMT and smoking like insane amounts of weed and basically just agreeing with everybody on his podcast, everything they say all the time. Ben: Haha, ahh, him saying JFK was assassinated and then immediately smoking a joint right on TV, that would have been great. Lee: Yup, and then comin up with some conspiracy theories and then backtracking completely within the next 24 hours.  Ben: Haha. Well another little random question at the top here is, how do you get your news? Is a lot of it through podcasts or? Lee: Umm, yeah, well what I consider news is not what used to be considered news, like I don't really get day-to-day news because it's all so preposterous and I mean it doesn't affect anybody's life really in any way other than some major stuff, ya know, issues of war and peace and issues like global pandemics, those are gonna affect you much more than, ya know, if you just sort of think back on the last ten to twenty years of what the news cycle consisted of it's just largely preposterous and irrelevant and usually not even true and when it is true it's so quickly spun into a cause or some, you know, political stance, it's like, I'm kind of pruning podcasts and I'm also pruning unnecessary information or opinion out of my life as much as possible and really been enjoying that so, I just gotta find really people I trust and usually not even from a news perspective but if they are discussing something it might pique my interest to look into it a little bit. I'm still stickin with things like theory over day-to-day, you know, I'll prefer to read economics or history or something rather than turnin to the news because I feel like you can learn so much more about patterns and humanity and what not by doin it that way. Ben: Right, right. Your degree is in philosophy, right? Lee: Yes. Ben: Yes, cool. So yeah, the day-to-day politics is pretty much just like watching Real World/Road Rules Challenge, it's just like all drama, people talking shit about each other behind their backs, people tweeting nasty things... Lee: Yeah, but I don't want the takeaway of this to be that the Real World/Road Rules Challenge isn't a fantastic show because it is. Ben: Haha. Lee: Honestly, I think that was a terrible comparison that you just made? I THINK I get where you're comin from but...? Yeah, it's just so dumb, it's not only that it does not seem true or accurate or important at the time but, what?, less than, what, 72 hours usually it's just like, nobody's talking about it anymore, nobody cares, nothing has changed. I just feel like it's a really great way to fill your life with a whole bunch of unnecessary anxiety and anger and animosity towards other people or other groups or whatever it is, it's just like a really awesome way for you to distract yourself from what actually should be at the front of your mind which is what you're doing on a day-to-day basis and the health and well-being of your family and close friends and, sorta how you can contribute to makin the world a little bit better and makin yourself a little healthier and happier and the people you love happier as well. Just don't have any time for it. Ben: Right. You don't have any time for, “Nancy Pelosi ate Mitch McConnell's ice cream out of the fridge” and uh... Lee: Haha, “She drank his milkshake!” No, I don't, I mean every once in a while I'll kinda click somethin, tune back in, just to remind myself how... how... just the word I keep using is how preposterous it all is and how much weight some people put on it and like I said it just becomes such an unnecessary energy suck and soul suck and just, yeah... No need! Ben: Yeah, yup... So what are your go-to apps? What apps on your phone do you find yourself using the most? Lee: That's actually interesting, I sort of am gonna contradict myself but there’s an app I use called Newsvoice which, I liked it a lot better when I started using it, now I feel it's not quite as cool, but it used to just be an app that would compile headlines, you know, local, international, national, whatever, and it would offer, say, for every story it would give you five or six different headlines from different, um, organizations with different political leanings, so you'd get like a HuffPo article and then you'd get a, you know, Wall Street Journal and you'd get the same story covered four or five, six different ways, which is kind of a cool way to avoid unnecessary bias. So that's one I've kinda been hittin up a little. I've really been enjoying everyone's hot takes on the Facebook app with this Coronavirus, just really gettin a sense of (starts laughing) how everybody's reacting. That's really enjoyable. Ben: Yup, yup. So Newsvoice and Facebook? Lee: Yup, I like those. And then you know, I do all my mobile banking and bill paying through apps, so I got apps for those. Ben: Useful... useful. Lee: Yup. What else? Oh, Golf Clash. That's a great one. I play a little Golf Clash when the time is right. Ben: Golf Clash, niiice. If you hit a good ball on that is it like do you feel it in your body still? Lee: Oh, it'll let you know. They'll yell great shot at you or perfect shot and it's like, my entire day has been validated. Ben: Haha, nice. All right, soo... going back to the music question, I know you said you're not listenin to too much music but what was the last concert you saw? Lee: Ooo. Wow... Ahh... Honestlyyy... unless I can remember something else, I think it was the Rancid and Mighty Mighty Bosstones New Year's Eve bash in Los Angeles. Ben: Nice. Where was that? What was the venue? Lee: That was aaat... oh god, if you rattle off a couple of the big ones around there I'll remember it. Ben: Ehhh, I'm blanking on those, there's the Hollywood Bowl of course but it was probably at a smaller club. Lee: No, it wasn't that, it was an indoor venue. Ben: The El Raaayy. Lee: No, it's recongizable but I can't remember what it was.   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrine_Auditorium  But that can't be right though because that would have been like... four years ago at least?    Ben: Yeah, and when did we go to that Weezer/Panic at the Dis... maybe I shouldn't even mention Panic at the Disco but when did we go to that Weezer show, was that four or five years ago? Lee: You mean when Weezer opened up for Panic at the Disco? Ben: Ohh god, no, no, Panic at the Disco opened up for Weezer. Lee: “STOP SMOKING!” Ben: Hahahah... oh gosh. We didn't really fit in with the Panic at the Disco fans. Lee: No, but was that after? Cuz honestly, man, my timeline is so blurry and like out of sorts that you could literally pick an event within ten years and another one within ten years and I couldn't tell you which came first, with like a four-year margin of error. It's pathetic. Yeah, I don't remember. I honestly don't remember. Ben: Yup, but that Rancid/Bosstones New Year's show was pretty good? Lee: Oh, it was awesome, man. I was like thirty rows or, it wasn't rows cuz everyone was standing up but I was probly about thirty heads deep, so great view of the stage and what I considered close but I was like, well this will be certainly out of the way of any aggressive moshpit that might break out. So I was just kinda sittin there waitin for the show to start, sippin my beer, Rancid comes out, and like the FIRST note they play, which is from “Maxwell Murder” cuz they played ... And Out Come the Wolves from start to finish, first bass note I just get a fucking forearm to the back of my head and my beer goes flying like six rows up. I was like, well this is on! Ben: Haha. Lee: I kind of fought my way out of it but basically just retreated another thirty rows and, enjoyed the rest of the show. Ben: Nice. Got another beer, I hope. Lee: Got another beer or two, although I did have to be, that was when I was doing the PI work so I had to be like downtown at like six in the morning for some surveillance thing, and the show basically didn't start until almost midnight, so I didn't get insanely intoxicated or anything cuz I was trying to be responsible cuz I had to be at work the next day. But it was a blast. Ben: I think the Rancid lead singer... Tim Armstrong? Lee: Yup. Ben: I think he lived in our neck of the woods. I think he lived in Highland Park. Lee: Yeah, he did, I think he lived in Highland Park and that bar that Heather used to work at, she said he used to go there quite a bit and just hang out. Ben: Yup, I love that place. Lee: Eedendale or Ed-endale? Ben: Edendale, yup. Tom Mix, Casey Mix's grandfather's old stopping grounds. Lee: Isn't it crazy how you can remember like these minute little details like that but you ask me like what year something took place and I'm like, I have no idea, I think it was some time in the 90s but I could be wrong about that. Ben: Haha. I think Zack de la Rocha from Rage Against the Machine also lived in Highland Park/Eagle Rock area. Lee: Yep... yep. Although I think he's about to move up because from what I hear, the crazy anarchist/socialists of Rage Against the Machine are reuniting to go on like a CitiBank tour or something (starts laughing). Ahh, that's so fucking depressing. Ben: Haha. They're finally taking the corporate money. Lee: Well everyone's gotta make a living, ya know? Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Ben: Haha. So are you reading any books? Lee: Umm... actually no, I'm not. I've been sort of lookin around for a book around here that I haven't read but I feel like every book I have I've read at least once or twice. I kinda want something new but of course the libraries are shut down. Ben: Right. You want something fiction or nonfiction or? Lee: Yeah, I don't read fiction. I haven't read any fiction since I think R.L. Stine back in the day. Ben: Haha, gotcha. Lee: I just find nonfiction a lot more interesting. So yeah, I’m not reading anything and I'm ashamed to say it, because it's a great time to read.  Ben: Yes... indeed... uuumm... so what was the last alcoholic beverage you had? Do you like to have a drink some nights err? Lee: Oh yeah, oh yeah. Typically my go-to has always been whiskey. But I was talkin to a colleague at work and he was sayin that he just really enjoys drinking tequila and I was like well I’ve never really had a taste for tequila and he just started talking about how great it was and then I was like well shit, maybe I should give tequila another try, so last couple nights I’ve had a little bit a tequila, which is... somewhat enjoyable. Still not my thing but... Ben: Yeah. It gives you energy, I think it’s the only... upper? Lee: Yeah, the only upper, stimulant, whatever. That’s what he told me and I was like, well that doesn’t make sense cuz it’s alcohol and alcohol is a depressant all the time, it just depresses your nervous system. So then I looked it up, er, googled it, and it was like a super non-clear, vague answer and it was like, well while it technically is a stimulant it’s also ethanol which is also a depressant. And I’m like, well what the fuck does that mean? But I did notice that when I was drinkin it, we were sittin there playin Yahtzee and I was like fired up.  Ben: Right? Lee: I dunno. I dunno if it’s just fired up just cuz of the Yahtzee and I thought it was gonna be lame and I fuckin loved it. But I was super into it and I was kinda shakin my leg a little bit like, yeah, let’s do this, let’s play some more Yahtzee and I was like, is this the Tequila that’s doing that or is this the Yahtzee or am I just like in a really good mood. Ben: I think that’s what tequila does cuz I HATED tequila, never drank it, I remember sitting next to a girl at a party at Saint Mike’s and her breath, she was drinking out of a big bottle of tequila and her whole being just wreaked of cheap tequila. And I think I was like nineteen or twenty at the time so I was like, that is the worst smell I’ve ever smelled, I’m not going anywhere near that. Flash forward to Clapp’s 30th birthday, we went to the Clippers game at Staples Center and then afterwards we were at a bar downtown and someone ordered Patron shots for everyone and I was like, I dunno if I can do this. And then we do the shot and then like twenty minutes later, two or three more shots and people are like dancing on the tables. A little bit different than sippin on scotch, so... Lee: Yeah, well the other pointer that this guy gave me was, you know, most booze you can usually get away with drinking cheaper stuff out of a plastic bottle or somethin, if you wanted to buy some cheaper whiskey out of a plastic bottle you should be fine but he was like, just don’t ever do that with tequila. If you’re gonna do it just make sure it’s somewhat decent stuff and it’s in a glass bottle. I have no way to confirm whether what this guy’s saying is accurate or not. But tequila does seem to be...a bit of an enigma for me, so I might try to get to the bottom of it a little more. Ben: Nice. Let’s seee.... How’s the dog doing? Lee: Dog’s great, man! Dog is absolutely great. He’s settled in beautifully. For the first few months we had him he was a little bit, um... I dunno if neurotic’s the right word but he definitely was a little bit more on the nervous side and it takes a while to build up trust obviously, and we couldn’t take him off the leash, we live backed up against a pretty wide open area of land where we would love to walk him but we really couldn’t take him off the leash and it would suck because it’s such a great place for the dog to run around and we just never knew when he would come back and blah blah blah. Ben: Yep.  Lee: And he would not let you like sorta touch his collar, he wouldn’t bite but he would let you know, like a little fake snap or whatever if you touched his collar. He drooled a lot. But right around month 3? He just like totally settled in. And now every day twice a day we just kinda walk around, whether it’s backwoods or on the street, off leash, and he kinda just like trots up ahead, looks back at us, waits for us to catch up. And then if we yell, if we say “Here” he kinda turns around and comes runnin back towards us. If we say “Stay” or “Wait” he just sits there. He sleeps, he’s like the most cuddley dog of all time, you can’t be anywhere near him without him coming up and putting his face on your lap. I think he’s gotten better looking too, to be honest with you. When we first got him I didn’t think he was very cute, but I think he was just carrying a lot of stress in his face.  Ben: Right. Lee: And his face sorta always seemed a little bit tight or contorted as if he was unsure. But now he just kinda melts into everything he does. And he’s super cool. And he’s gained fifteen pounds since we got him, which is awesome, because he was really underweight. Ben: Nice. Yeah, was he a rescue? What’s his name, by the way? I’m forgetting his name. Lee: He is a rescue. His name when we got was Chance and we were like, well that name sucks and so we changed it to Bojo. B-O-J-O. Yeah, he was a rescue who apparently spent like the first year or two at some shelter down south in Colorado, this place had like no money, they kept him outside in like a coat year-round, which is rough here in Colorado, it gets cold in the winters. And then he was transferred up to another shelter up here and like no one would adopt him. We dunno why now cuz we look at him and we’re like, we have the perfect dog, we’ve got the best dog of all time. And I know everyone thinks that about their dog but... he really is cool... Ben: He’s a mix? Lee: Yeah, we were actually thinkin about doing one of those dog DNA tests because he’s soo like, he looks... we think he’s a boxer/lab mix, he kinda looks like that. But he also looks like he might have some Mastiff in him, and he’s got some tendencies of some other breeds, so I dunno, it would just be kind of a cool thing to know exactly what he is but... We just tell people boxer/lab.  Ben: Yeah. That sounds like a handsome dog. Lee: Yeah, he’s a real handsome fella. Ben: You’ve earned his trust and... nice. Lee: Yeah. And we trust him too now which is super cool, we can just kinda walk around the woods together and just have a good old time.  Ben: Nice. Yeah, you’ve always been a dog person. Lee: Yeah, I think they’re great. I just think they’re great. Ben: Haha. So what’s the weather like in Colorado? Lee: Uh, it’s pretty much beautiful. It’s kind of annoying because the winters are SUPER long and like by the end of it you’re just ready for it to be over and you think spring’s comin because it gets like sunny and mid-forties for a couple days. And then you’ll get like three days of snow and everything that melted’ll just come right back. Ben: Yeah. Lee: So that’s kinda where we’re at right now, where you can hear snow melting off roofs but there’s still basically snow covering, you know, ninety percent of the surfaces. But it’s like sunny and 45 or something today, so... yeah. Just kinda hopin it stays that way. I’m ready for spring now, I’m a summertime guy. Ben: Yup. Have you seen any signs of spring, any flowers er...? Lee: No flowers but there’s definitely some wild grasses showing, and the sagebrush you can actually see the tops of it now. It’s not like blooming or anything but it was just buried in snow for the last seven months so it’s kinda cool to see some open patches of grass and some sagebrush and... more birds. Stuff like that, so... definitely some signs. Ben: Nice. Will Bojo munch on any sagebrush or any grass? Lee: He does enjoy a... I mean this is our first real spring with him so we’ve never know him to react to how the snow is melting. He loves snow, he loves jumpin around in it but he does seem to be chewin on more grass now that it’s melting. And he did show up yesterday for the first time with a dead squirrel in his mouth. Ben: Mhm. I’m sure he was probably pretty proud of that. Lee: Oh yeah. And then we were like telling him to drop it and put it away and he was just like lookin at us like, what are you guys doing? Ben: Haha. Yeah, right. I brought you guys dinner! Lee: Yeah. And we were like ah, we’ll just put it in the trash bag that’s full of dog shit and then throw it in the dumpster, and he’s like, whatever.  Ben: Haha. Ah, that’s great. Are the people in Colorado much different than they are in MA? Lee: Umm... It’s been a while since I’ve lived in Massachusetts to be honest with you so, like, the sort of the quirks of everybody... I dunno, Colorado’s a very active outdoor community. But up here, like IN the mountains where it’s like ski resort country... there’s just a lot of um... the term “shitbag”’s probly not nice to use but like just a lot of people you can tell their reeeal concern in life is like bein able to shred some fresh gnar. Ben: Haha. Yes. Lee: And other than that you can like pretty much go fuck yourself. And they’ll be nice people and they won’t, you know, go out of their way to hurt anyone but like, you can’t like RELY on them for anything.  Ben: Right. They just wanna shred gnar. Lee: Yeah, they just wanna shred some fresh fresh buttercream and like I don’t blame them for that? But at the same time it’s like you need to be able to pull your weight a little bit.  Ben: Haha, yup. Lee: So that's one group of people, but then there's another group of people up here that's just like active, engaged, friendly, um, usually a little bit older, maybe people who are early retirees or just retired or whatever who seem like really topnotch people. Ben: Which proves our point that the older you get, maybe the cooler. Maybe the cooler. Lee: Yeah, the cooler, the wiser, I mean that's the way I feel about myself, for sure. Ben: Have you gotten on the mountain at all this year? Lee: Yeah. I mean it sucks now because they had to close... this whole county, I mean just like everywhere else really but this whole county, they had to shut down about a month before the official end of ski season so, we didn't realize the time of our last ski day was gonna be our last ski day, but... We try to get out, like, in my line of work obviously, bein a chef, the holiday season and that winter season up here I'm just getting slammed like nonstop for a couple months while everyone's up here on vacation and doing all their skiing. BUT once all those people go home and February and March rolls around and it really starts to slow down then that's my time where I'm like, cool, I'm gonna ski like at least once, maybe twice a week and just enjoy everything around here and not have to fight crowds cuz, you know, I'm obviously not off on weekends or anything. So late winter/early spring these last two years has been my time to get up there. That got cut short a little bit this season but, got to get out on the mountain on the skis. We do a lot of hiking and we've been snowshoing every day since we've been quarantined, like we just go out on either some hike or some snowshoe, we went sledding with the dog the other day and that was just insanely fun even though it was kinda dangerous. But yeah, there's no shortage of outdoor activities for me right now. Ben: Yeah. That all sounds great. Lee: It is great. Ben: And these are all things you can also do in New Hampshire, are you guys still thinking of moving to New Hampshire? Lee: Yeah, it's definitely, um, we've got a shortlist workin right now in terms of options or where we wanna go from here or what we wanna do and they're all sort of... what's the term?... I dunno... co-related, codependent, whatever, like one factor's obviously dependent on several others. But New Hampshire's definitely up towards the top of the list. So I was excited, she was excited. And then we had a couple other options sort of present themselves to us so we're kinda weighin those out now and, uh, we'll figure it out. Ben: Yup... Options like... out west or.. back east? Lee: Um... Just options, Ben, you know what I mean? I don't feel like I need to get into any more than that. Ben: Haha, all right, I don't wanna get into your business too much, okay. Lee: Haha, no, you'll be the first to know once we decide though. Ben: Good, good. And also I didn't want to get into politics too much because it can just be a drag like we both agree but... Lee: Sure. Ben: ... and this is kind of a tricky question in the post-#MeToo movement and now that you're engaged but, carrying it over from our last interview, do you still want to boink Hillary Clinton. Lee: (trying to suppress laughing) Ahh god, I have no recollection... Ben: Haha, just purely hypothetically! Purely hypothetically! Lee: I have no recollection of that conversation ever happening. Ben: Hahah. I mean it's on my Tumblr but... Lee: Oh yeah, well... I don't even know how to get on a Tumblr so... Ben: Haha. Lee: No, I don't actively want to, uumm... If the situation presented itself, like if I was a single man... yeah, it's obviously something you'd have to consider but... yeah, maybe the desire has lessened as compared to what it was the last time we did this. Ben: Still a lot of power in play there. Lee: Yeah, for sure, I mean that's... Ben: Part of the appeal? Lee: I could be theoretically a couple heartbeats away from the White House like if things worked out between Hill Dawg and I, which I would make sure everything was kosher on my end but... Yeah, that's funny that you mentioned politics and I thought about our last conversation and all that was goin on and all that we talked about and the question you had is do you still wanna blank Hillary Clinton. Topnotch journalism. Ben: Haha. I mean I spent hours honing these questions. Uumm, yeah, again I don't wanna ask annyy.... we're pretty much at the end here because I do have to transcribe all of this which will take me like thirty hours... but I enjoy it, just savoring, retyping every word that you've spoken but ahh... obviously having in mind what's going on in the world right now -- where do we go from here? Lee: Ahhh, gosh. That's a big question. Ben: Just... more tequila and Yahtzee err? Lee: I mean, you say that I think tongue in cheek but... Ben: Not really!... not really. Lee: Yeah, no, I mean my whole mentality from the day it sort of became clear that this was gonna be a serious thing was, um, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to put my energy anywhere I want and to focus it anywhere I want, and the way I've chosen to do that is like I've said focus on my family and the people around me who I care about and care about meee... you know, get out in nature every day, get exercise every day, try and learn something, we've been doin a ton of cooking at home, pickling pretty much every vegetable in sight... Ben: Nice, that's exciting. Lee: ... Yeah, and just gettin back to the good life and I feel like there's a lot of people who are embracing similar approaches. And then there are also the people whooo, ya know, take ahh... one of the first headlines I saw was like, “Pornhub offers free premium membership for everybody,” and it's like okay, you can spend the next two months just furiously whackin it with your pants around your ankles. You're not gonna come out of that in a good place and you are gonna be terrified the whole time and you're gonna come out in some fucking self-induced stupor and like you're not gonna know what to do or where to turn. So I feel like there's already sort of two mentalities developing and there's two approaches we can take and, I dunno what we're gonna do as a nation, because that's just insane, that many people all tryna choose a path, but at the same time when I said like I'm tryna cut off useless information and stupid politics, what it boils down to is people's individual decisions they make and paths they choose to take. I dunno where we go, but I know where I'm goin so... that's what I'm focused on. Ben: So... Pornhub in moderation? Lee: I would say no Pornhub, if you want my advice, I would say stop whacking yourself silly altogether and choose somethin else to do, find another focus. Ben: Haha. Okay, cool. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about or...? Lee: Uh, I want to let you know that I love you. Ben: Thanks! Lee: And I hope you're doin well. And I hope everyone else back home is doin well. And I've been meaning to send you something, and I finally figured out how I'm gonna do it. The vessel was sort of always the issue, I think I've got that solved. So keep an eye out for something in the mail. Ben: Ooo, a package from Lee. No offense to you but I will be sure to fully sanitize it upon receiving it. Lee: Haha, yeah, for sure. Sanitize everything. Ben: I talked to Shaun right before doing this and I asked him if he had any questions to ask you and he said, "Ask him where the fuck he has been and why we never hear from him." Lee: Haha. Ben: I assume it's cuz, you know you were saying, well, usually you're working and now you're able to enjoy yourself but life for a chef is just like, you're not even able to think, it's just like french fries, french fries, french fries! Right? Lee: Yeah, it's pretty much all about french fries all the time. Ben: Haha. Sometimes sweet potato fries. Lee: But I dunno, I could put that back at Shaun, like when was the last time... I mean... I dunno... look, man... I'm not tryna... Ben: Haha. Lee: Ohh, I miss you guys, I miss Shaun especially. I'll do my part to make sure that we reconnect sometime soon. Ben: Cool. I think that's the perfect... perfect way to end it.

[calorieworkouts]

Make Eating Whatever You Want Work Towards Your Advantage | Part 1 of 3

Last Saturday, my relative Andrew and also I mosted likely to Wendy's. I had a three-way Baconator with french fries. Then I went home as well as saw Video game of Thrones, while devouring 2 bags of Hershey's Cookies 'N' Cream bite size delicious chocolate thingys. I would tell you what Andrew had however I was too busy sliding right into a food coma to bear in mind. That was my cheat meal and also I made it because I consumed like a neanderthal all week ...

I am mosting likely to think that you are possibly reviewing this write-up with the objectives of cranking back some undesirable tasty foods over the holidays! If you resemble me then you obviously wish to prevent having "even more to love" by the time January hits as well as you're compelled to strike the gym harder than that Baconator hit my pancreas.

If your mosting likely to understand why these tips work then you require to comprehend exactly how cheat meals can make us fat. I understand, monotonous but just shush as well as maintain reading.

When carbohydrates get digested they need to be damaged down right into sugars before they can go into the blood stream. Facility carbs represent lengthy chains of sugars bound with each other, while easy carbohydrates stand for smaller sized chains. Long and also short chains of sugars have to be damaged down right into specific sugar molecules to be taken in. Picture different teams of jail inmates (sugars), holding hands going through a jail (your intestines). Then correctional police officers (enzymes), are all like, "hey quit holding hands, that's weird, you're in jail." The correctional police officers ultimately break the bonds between the prisoners and also send them to their cells, word play here planned (Boom).

Once our sugar bonds are broken up in our intestinal tracts they get in the blood stream, and our pancreas is notified of the boost in blood glucose. Subsequently, insulin is released to fight this. Then a bunch of insulin goes and snatches up the sugar molecules as well as moves them into their marked cells (could be liver, muscle mass, fat or numerous other cells). In the majority of circumstances insulin will certainly look to drop off those sugars in your liver, however, as soon as your liver is complete they will have no selection but to juicify your love manages (in short article second I will touch on how we can get insulin to send sugar into our muscles). Currently, our bodies have many mechanisms for making us fat, however in my point of view high carb usage is the number one reason for obesity.

Tip #1 - The Obvious Tip…

Try to prevent refined food. A heck of a procedure goes into making bread, so try to prevent it. Brownish rice, quinoa, basmati rice, as well as Cous do not take much to obtain them ready to eat, so they are okay. If you're obese, cut complicated carbohydrates entirely and see the pounds fly away. If you're not obese as well as you're naturally skinny/lean (also known as my silly cousin Andrew), you can have some complex carbs. My individual opinion is that an EXTREMELY percentage of people would ever require even more than 100 grams of intricate carbohydrates in a day.

Tip # 2 - Insulin level of sensitivity enhances with each sugar cost-free meal

One thing I didn't mention regarding our buddy insulin is that if you have way too much sugar flowing in your blood stream (particularly over a long term amount of time i.e. days/months/years) then you can become insulin immune. It's kind of like when I attempt and terrify my parents. Sometimes I can terrify them so great that they will accidentally vouch, it's honestly hilarious. If I tried frightening them 10 times a day they would end up being immune to my immaturity and I would not get to enjoy their swears. In all severity, if this is what's occurring- you're becoming insulin resistant- then you're likely on track to coming to be diabetic.

I like to believe of our partnership with insulin as a really big teeter-totter. On one side sits insulin resistance, and also beyond rests insulin sensitivity. The more sweet food we eat the further we move towards insulin resistance, and also at some point if we eat so poor, we can stroll right past insulin resistance as well as jump off the teeter-totter causing diabetes mellitus. Yet, with every excellent dish we eat we can stroll towards insulin sensitivity, and at some point get a super power or something.

When you are "low sugar" for long enough your liver obtains an opportunity to include some new sugars therefore blitzing on your own with a cheat dish, in some instances can in fact make you leaner. When you consume "low carbohydrate" for long sufficient your Leptin levels reduce, and among Leptin's roles is to metabolize fat. Guess what gives Leptin a boost ... cheat dishes! This does not imply pizza is now a healthy option, it indicates it "can be" if your diet regimen gets on factor. Previously this year I went two weeks without a gram of sugar and I made a decision to have a gluten cost-free pizza, which is amazing incidentally so shut your mouth if you're a gluten complimentary hater, as well as I in fact shed 2lbs the following day.

Moral of the story, with every carbohydrate complimentary day that passes you will increase your performance when you ultimately made a decision to crank back some deliciousness. I'm quite sure superman came to be superman from going carbohydrate cost-free for a year and after that having a Baconator, just saying.

Tip # 3 - Fit Cocoa, Eco-friendly Tea, as well as Cinnamon right into your diet plan any place you can

In a nutshell research states that these three individuals can increase your insulin level of sensitivity. I have actually located moderate to high intake of these young puppies on my rip off days to be specifically useful. If you desire much more information examine the sources:-RRB-.

Green Tea (1,2)

Cocoa (1,3)

Cinnamon(4)

( 1) http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/81/3/611.short

- favanols= high antioxidant/High Nitric Oxide( arginine-alpha-keto-glutarate (AAKG). ) bioavailability ... Nitric Oxide bioavailability=" boosted sugar uptake"

( 2) http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/jf030365d

( 3) http://advances.nutrition.org/content/3/2/217.full

( 4 )http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=1681080