#but then literally dying at stupidly low ones

[a-flying-fortress]

Slightly odd question but I cant get a definitive answer elsewhere.

What g-force would turn a person into much by literally pulling their tendons and ligaments and cells apart

This is for something I'm to write. Which makes it worse somehow.

well, keep in mind that g-forces are units of gravitational acceleration, as i'm sure you know. i can speak on this really only from the perspective of aviation. a general rule of thumb for the aviator is that g-force is measured as the force of gravity at sea level. this is 9.80665 m/s2 even though aircraft are often flying much higher.

most normal, untrained humans can withstand 2-4 or 2-5 Gs for some time, though not for periods longer than, say, 24 hours on the lower end of that scale. 6 Gs is considered fatal when sustained for too long. fighter pilots only get away with 9-10 g during maneuvering because of training, modern equipment, and the fact that the acceleration should only last for a couple seconds at most. they have special breathing patterns, a lot of fine muscle control, and in modern day are supposed to wear full-body g-suits. we see sometimes that pilots or passengers in aerobatics experience "g-loc" or a temporary loss of consciousness as blood rushes from critical parts of the body when undergoing extreme g-forces.

we have examples of humans surviving g-forces far higher than 9-10 and surviving, such as us air force pilot john stapp, who experienced 46.2 g's. this man lost dental fillings, cracked bones, broke bones, and yet lived to the ripe age of 89 before dying peacefully. another pilot, eli beeding, walked away from a very brief peak acceleration of 86.2 g's. but we've also seen humans expire at less forces and also more.

i would say the real danger is not necessarily the acceleration itself, but the impact, if there is any. it's about the person's position, their acceleration, the duration of the g's experienced, how much of the body is exposed, how trained is the person, are these negative or positive g's (hint: the human body can withstand more positive than negative g-forces)...like there are so many factors dude. and deceleration is also a factor in some cases. this shit is highly confusing and i am certainly no expert.

[jaylver]

PINKY RING — S.JY

synopsis: setting up a deal with a frat boy you've just met at a party turned out to be a stupidly cute idea. who knew his drake reference and the deal involving his pinky ring would soon score him a date with you.

pairings: frat boy!jake x afab!reader

genre: strangers to lovers, frat boy + football player jake, college au, romance, fluff

warning(s): profanities, party, alcohol

wc: 2.9k

a/n: a very late contribution to jakeday! this was much longer than planned so i hope you all enjoy it! apologies in advance if the writing sucks since i've been tired all week T-T please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx

masterlist | © jaylver all rights reserved.

Wandering into a frat party alone was quite literally the least sane thing you've done in a while.

Your best friend, Yunjin, had called you up to meet her at a frat party at the most random hour of the night. The temptation got to you for the worst as you caved in and placed aside your studies in order to get some free booze, even if they're low budget ones.

That only explained why you were there then. Looking between your phone and the sight before you as you walked, trying to get a hold of your friend. She was probably somewhere wasted and you wouldn't be surprised if it was true. 

Once you sent her a text announcing your arrival and hoping for a text back, you slipped your phone away and wandered into the kitchen area, further from the crowded area filled with people dancing quite scandalously.

Whatever dodgy concoction they had prepared there, you took some and sniffed it before taking a sip, shrugging in half approval. You'd take what you have. Soon, you settled yourself in by leaning against the counter, pulling out your phone as it had started buzzing.

You were distracted by the chiming of your phone, realising Yunjin texted back and you immediately replied back. She was, in fact, somewhere in the house, except she was with a guy. Wait, a frat boy, Jay Park? Oh, you've heard of him. 

You didn't want to say much and just texted her back to call you when it's time to leave, or if she's even leaving at all. Meanwhile, you were unaware of the additional presence who had wandered into the kitchen as you typed out your last text.

“Oh—hey,” 

You glanced up from your phone the moment you pressed 'send', staring back at a guy that you swore you've seen somewhere before, he was too familiar. He wasn't just a guy though, he was a hot one. Backwards cap on, dressed in a casual black hoodie and ripped jeans, dyed blond hair peeking out from his cap. 

That was a sight to see. 

“Hey,” you could tell he wasn't expecting your presence in the kitchen just the same as you were.

The corner of his lips twitched, head tilted to one side. “New around here? I think this is the first time I've seen you at our party,”

Our? Was he a part of the frat?

“I don't usually wander into frat parties,” you shrugged, and he nodded, smiling. 

“I'm Jake, by the way. Jake Sim. I'm a part of the frat, we usually have these types of parties on the weekend,” he extended his hand out for a handshake, to which you accepted, staring a little too longingly at his pretty hands and fingers. Don’t be a creep. 

“Am I missing out? I'm Y/N L/N,”

“Well, Y/N, maybe you are,” an apparent accent flowed from his voice, and the way he said your name shouldn't have made you scream inside. “You should come by more often, I'd love to see more of you here,”

“We'll see. I wasn't even meant to be here, but my friend called and I thought ‘why not’ so here I am,”

“It's fated, then. We're meant to meet,” he clapped, lips stretched into a cheery smile that had you swooning.

“I suppose it is,” you let him join your side in leaning against the counter, feeling the fabric of his hoodie brushing against your bare skin. “You know, you look very familiar to me, I think I've seen you before,”

“Yeah?” His tongue swept across his bottom lip, eyebrow quirking with interest.

“Football team. It's you, isn't it? The striker,”

“How did you know?” He seemed genuinely surprised, and you were in disbelief as well. He was much different compared to what you remembered.

“My friend's on the team too, Kim Sunoo,”

“Him!"

“Yes, him! I went to one of the matches and you scored in it, it was a great match," you could still recall the faint memory of Jake scoring, his name blasting from the speakers, back when his hair was coloured black.

“Wow,” Jake stared in amazement, his smile never wavered, only widening. “We're much connected than I thought,”

“We are,” you couldn't help smiling as well, finding his energy contagious and severely intoxicating. You had to turn around and take a sip of your drink as a way to not become flustered around him, but only to notice the rings resting on his fingers.

“Nice rings,” you complimented, and it seemed to be his turn to become flustered. Immediately bringing his hands up for you to look closer and showcasing his rings.

“Thanks,” he said, sounding pleased.

“You have a pinky ring too?” You pointed at his pinky, noticing the silver ring gleaming under the light.

“Pinky ring till I get a wedding ring,”

It didn't hit you until a beat later. He was quoting Drake. 

“Drake? Seriously?” A teasing grin travelled to your lips, nudging him slightly ever so naturally. He didn't complain, just reciprocated your smile, seemingly glad that you caught onto his reference.

“Hey, I'm a big fan. Sue me,”

“No judgement, I like Drake too,” you spoke your half truth, shrugging lightly.

Jake turned to look at you, a light sparkling in his eyes, telling you he had something in mind. “Hey, why don't I give you my pinky ring, and the next time we meet, you give it back to me?”

“What?”

“Let fate decide our next meeting. If we bump into each other again, you hand me back my ring, and I'll get your number. Deal?”

“Sounds good,” why were you doing this?

Even as your consciousness was telling you what stupid idea this was, you couldn’t help but feel confident. There was definitely a next time. You were sure of it. Even after Jake slipped his ring onto your pinky, feeling his skin graze against yours, you were confident that fate would bring you to him, or even him to you.

You bid him a small goodbye, watching his bright energy disappear through the door and be left with yourself, wanting him to come back. Did Yunjin and you somehow suddenly share the same taste in men? Frat boys?

Soon, you abandoned your drink and walked out of the kitchen into the party scene. To your relief, you spotted Yunjin waving at you, a tall boy with silver hair standing right beside her. That was probably Jay.

“Oh my God, I thought I lost you,” she engulfed you into one of her warm hugs while you didn't miss the lovesick smile she always had whenever she was around a crush.

“I would say the same for you,” you nudged her slightly, eyeing her romeo of the night.

“Oh—Jay, this is my best friend, Y/N. Y/N, this is Jay,” Yunjin introduced, and Jay gave you a friendly hug as a greeting. Off the bat, you could tell he was a decent guy despite being in a frat.

“You're not joining your friends for beer pong?” Yunjin pointed out to Jay and you took notice of said beer pong going on across the room. 

There he was. Jake. Standing out amongst the bunch of guys that were most likely his friends, catching your attention in an instant. His baseball cap was no longer worn backwards, sleeves rolled up and showcasing the protruding veins decorating the expanse of his arm. He was holding onto a ping pong ball, aiming at one of the red shot cups and eventually shot it in successfully, letting out a loud laugh while throwing his arms up into a flexing pose and hitting his chest.

What a frat boy. But you think he's a cute frat boy. He was an exception.

“Should we leave soon?” Yunjin had to poke your shoulder to gain your attention back to her. At that realisation, you visibly flushed a tinge of pink, coughing and nodding rather stiffly. You could tell your best friend was suspicious of you, but didn’t press on and told you Jay was dropping you two off.

What you didn’t catch onto as you left the room was Jake’s lingering gaze on you. 

He was going to get his ring back. He was confident about it.

“You’re telling me you’re missing Jay’s friend?”

“I am doing exactly that,”

He wasn’t just Jay’s friend, he was also his frat brother. Yet, Jay was oblivious you two knew each other, or at least that’s what you think in your perspective. 

Telling Yunjin about your happenings from that party was both a good and bad decision. The good part was that she was happy for you. The bad part was realising how predictable you were. In her words, she knew you would fall for Jake especially since you had a weak spot for men with cute smiles. Dammit.

It has been a week since that night at the frat house. To be honest, you could be crazy and just go back to find Jake, but were you going to chase a man like that? No, wake up! But, you were also shamelessly missing him and mulling over the fact that the ring was still on your pinky. 

“This is so stupid, why is he waiting on fate to act?”

“I think it’s cute,”

“You’re hopeless,” Yunjin rolled her eyes, but you just laughed, because you, too, knew it was dumb. A stupid game that tortured you but you enjoyed the anticipation as well. “Anyway, Jay’s going to a football match later in the evening, apparently the team is playing. Before you say no, consider this, he’s paying for dinner after,”

“I like him,” you gave her your seal of approval, and from the looks of her giddy smile, she was satisfied. 

Yunjin was more than happy when she led you through the stands, locating where Jay was sitting. You threw a knowing glance at her, to which she noticed and only rolled her eyes. He greeted you with a friendly smile, saving an even brighter smile for your best friend. It was sickening, but in an affectionate way. 

Realising how you were third wheeling, you took the queue and left, wandering down the stands to get a closer look at the field. You figured that'd be a better idea now that you realised the team was warming up there.

“Y/N!” you were barely halfway down the stairs when you heard your name being called, a familiar face running towards you. 

“Jake!” You jogged a little, reaching the barrier that separated the stands and the field, essentially separating you and Jake as well.

“You're here! At a football game,” he breathed out in a daze, as if he couldn't believe you were standing in front of him.

“Jay brought me and Yunjin here,” you slyly pointed at the duo that sat further up the stands, meeting Jake's playful smirk. You two had the same thought in mind. “Oh right—pinky ring,”

You raised up your right hand, his ring still wrapped around your pinky. At that, Jake's eyes only lit up, flickering between your face and the ring, his smile growing wider.

“You wear it everywhere?”

A rush of heat spread across your cheeks, you found yourself shying away from his gaze. “I didn't know where I'd find you,”

“Guess you finally found me, and I found you too,”

“I'm glad,” you fidgeted the ring mindlessly, looking between it and Jake before you realised the deal. "Should I hand it back to you first?”

“No—wait—maybe after the game?” His indecisiveness was killing him, and having you standing in front of him, it made him extra jittery, he was grateful the barriers were there. “I have a feeling you wearing it will somehow pass on good luck to me,”

Your eyebrows furrowed, a smile pulling at your lips. “Don't know how that works, but I'll do whatever you say,”

“It's true! It's called intuition. I'll win the game and score a goal,” he said ever so confidently, a grin that was challenging your doubts. 

“I believe you,” you said in between giggles, unaware of Jake's smile growing wider as he watched you laugh. “Go and win this one like you always do,”

“I will! Meet me after the game! Get your number and the ring ready,” he casted a wink at you, waving a small momentary goodbye before joining his team back in warming up. 

You eventually joined the two lovebirds and waited for the game to start, a certain feeling of giddiness bubbling in your abdomen. When it was finally time, you watched intently as the referee blew the whistle and the home team began the game. The number five on his back was easy to detect, your eyes followed it the whole time as he ran past defenders and scored a goal.

You and your friends jumped out of your seats in excitement. Yelling and cheering the moment you heard his name being blasted from the speakers. He did prove you right, he scored a goal. The next thing you knew before you could even process it was him pointing up at you. It was clearly directly at you, no mistake at all. As cliche it could get, he sent you a flying kiss, and you only matched his energy, catching it and laughing like some school girl.

He was soon tackled by his teammates and whisked away to resume the game. You were left in the stands smiling like a fool, unable to hide your happiness and blushing cheeks even though people around you had witnessed it whole, including your own friends. But who cares, right?

The game ended with the home team winning and obviously, everyone was in great spirits after. You told Yunjin that you’re finding Jake first, and as she left with Jay, you swore you heard him asking ‘since when did they know each other?’ 

Heading down the stands, you spotted Jake immediately. The team was still lingering around the field, but the second Jake’s eyes landed on you, he excused himself and ran towards you. The widest smile was present on his face, he was shining brightly under the dark skies. 

“Hey!” he pulled you in a hug, reaching over the barrier for you. He was sweaty, but you didn’t mind it. It was his presence and tight hold that you focused on.

“Congrats on the win! You did great,” you said as you pulled away, reciprocating his smile. 

“Thank you. It’s nothing,”

“Okay, you scoring a goal is not ‘nothing’,”  

“But I was right, wasn’t I?”

You rolled your eyes at him, hating that he wasn’t entirely wrong. “Whatever,” you said dismissively, earning a light laugh from him. You took the chance to slip the ring off your pinky, taking his hand in yours, instantly surprising him since it was a totally unexpected move. “Your pinky ring, as promised,”

“Oh, almost forgot,” he let you slip the ring back to the original spot, feeling your touch on his skin and reeling from your close proximity. 

“As for my number … I’ll give it to you once you’re done, I don’t have anything to write on,” you waved your phone in hand, casting him an apologetic smile.

“It’s totally fine. Will you be willing to wait?”

“I’m alright with it. I thought you’re joining us for dinner?”

“Right, Jay told me,” he snapped his fingers, recalling his friend’s text message. How could he have forgotten? He almost asked you out for dinner later as a date. 

“He’s paying,”

“Sweet,” he basically hollered, punching the air stiffly and you laughed at his demeanour. He’s so weird, but in a cute way.

Jake was biting on his lips once a short silence settled between you two. You could tell he was pondering and thinking about his next words. That sweet smile returned back to his lips. “Can I take you out for dinner soon?”

How could you say no?

“I’m down. Definitely yes,”

Jake almost looked relieved, but there was also a sparkle that you saw in his eyes that shined brightly once you’ve given him your answer. You could feel your own heart swelling at the sight of him. His gaze held everything he needed to say. He stared at you with a kind of longing and pining that you couldn’t pinpoint. 

“Great, fantastic,” Jake whispered under his breath, seemingly in disbelief and his dazed look only made you giggle. “I’ll catch up with you after I shower, give me some time and wait for me!”

“I will! The three of us will wait for you so go wash up,”

“Alright, alright,” he threw his hands up in surrender, hesitant to walk away as he wished to talk to you more, but he stank and was covered with sweat, so he didn’t have much choice. 

“Wait for me!” he said, slowly inching away with the silliest grin, eyes crinkling at the edges. 

You responded by gesturing your thumbs up, watching as he turned his back on you, but not even a second later he turned his head back, a small smile still remained. He then started jogging towards the benches, and you definitely didn’t miss his excited jump. 

How were you supposed to survive that dinner date with an endearing, sweet and cute guy like him? 

The truth was, you weren’t.

( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )

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[ghostbird-7]

Dead reckoning pt 2-the fucking stressful bit

The moment between Ethan and Grace when he’s doing his Check In On The Teammate shtick and she’s so clearly not okay and he just gives her that look…Mr Cruise you have made me feel An Emotion and that was uncalled for. Just the paralyzing grief at another person being forced to do what he’s been doing for decades and just keep soldiering on through stupidly traumatic events like they’re jawbreakers and you’re me (someone who refuses not to chew things when in my mouth even when deeply inadvisable)

I know the plot reasons why he shouldn’t, but I still think Ethan should’ve been allowed to kill Gabriel as a treat.

The absolute fuckery of that entire train sequence had me locking every muscle in my body and I will sue. Particularly the kitchen fire car just felt like such a classic representation of everything in his life. I am on a plummeting train car. My person is dead and one of my new people is in grave danger. I am trying. I am trying. I am slipping because there is oil on the floor. I am now running because the oil has caught fire and the plummeting train car caused by a literal manifestation of past trauma and guilt is now aflame and it is a Wednesday and my socks are wet.

Ethan’s moment of looking Grave directly in the eye and saying don’t look down, this is what im doing, this is how I’m doing it, here’s what I need from you is so clearly a byproduct of working with Benji.

So he is clearly not well. He jumped off a cliff and was hanging by a low altitude parachute and then crashed into a train and then got in a knife fight and then had an adult woman free hanging off one of his arms. My man. We gotta get you an advil.

Ethan and Paris talking in French..truly indescribable feelings of deep sadness, not quite being able to justify two of the three women dying in this movie (probably not dead, seen in the set of MI8), and also prettyyyyyy.

Yet another parachute-Luther is once again The Guy.

I’m sorry the way he just Falls every time.. it’s so funny. He is Down.

Kittridge and Ethan’s whole thing in this is so deeply weird and complicated. I can’t unpack it right now but What is going on there.

Benji and Ethan together again! Do Not like the camera panning to Benji when talking about how hard it is for Ethan to keep his loved ones alive. Luckily he’s immortal. Good news folks. Absolutely no peril here.

Also Benji watching his boyfriend just sail by, beat to absolute shit, with that 10000 yard stare.. run him a bath. Get the epsom salts.

Well this is a banger of a movie, it’s deeply silly the way all movies should be. I’ll be waiting on bated breath for part 2, which is in fucking may of 2025 apparently. Fine. Take your time to do your artistry and make an actually very good movie. 🙄

[papirouge]

I don’t really belong to a denomination so I haven’t really ever gotten kicked out of a church or youth group before.

I was asked to leave a pro life group though. In was in person, way before covid. Very small group. We didn’t really have a prescience online. It felt more like a Bible group meeting up at someone’s house without the bible. I argued that women who either choose or were forced to go through a c section birth are still mothers after a young girl who isn’t a mother and never was one argued that they weren’t because childbirth pain makes you one. She went pretty far. Adopting your kids doesn’t make you one. Fostering kids doesn’t make you one. She said how women even dying in childbirth should die because it’s an honorable death. I sort of snapped since I lost a few members to childbirth complications in the past. I cussed her out so the group did ask me to leave. I was happy though that literally every one else called that girl out for being stupid and cruel. Even her own sister called her a dumbass out loud. And then she had to start crying and play victim. Last I heard, the group fell apart. I guess I triggered her because that young girl kept being bothered by me even after I left. I was actually asked to return but I wasn’t interested. That girl is young, I’ll pray for her, because throughout the time I’ve seen her, she just seemed lost and easily sucked into things she sees online. She was into crypto for a bit. Then e girl aesthetics. Then cottagecore. Then 1 week she tried to convert to Islam. A few weeks later, it was crystals and reiki and tarot cards. A while ago I remember she was like rad fem? I guess when I was there at the end, she was listening to male centric content that’s violent towards women. It explained the cruelty in what she said. But i believe also that she just tried to repeat what she read and heard from others online to me thinking I’ll somehow be convinced that she’s right. I’m not super close with her sister but I do follow her on instagram. Her sisters latest thing is anti capitalist liberal bimbo core. Bless her heart… she needs prayers, good lord.

Man, this girl is so stupid it's almost comical🫠

You should've asked her that since most women go through delivery with epidural anesthesia lowering the pain of childbirth, does it mean they didn't 'totally' give birth? 🤔

I heard so many drama about pro life group. It's like a nest intellectually sheltered young girls who will spout the most bizarre statements about basic biological facts. Yeah, she mingling with scrotes might explains her asinine takes. She should've asked them since men don't have pain during childbirth, does it mean none of them are father? 🤔

I always said that women shouldn't seek after men opinion when it came to issues exclusive to women. Especially biological sex. In another ask I was talking about a girl who was formerly a radical feminist who was now more like tradfem/conservative and she was doing a podcast with a meninist and who was like spouting the most basic gotcha about feminism à la "female solidarity doesn't exist, and when they do it only revolves around their biology" GEEZZZ I WONDER WHY JEAN-FRANÇOIS 🙃 This exchange was so low quality and underwhelming...it wouldn't be so annoying if both of them didn't act like they were really doing something but no actually this discourse already happened in 2013 during the SJW+libfem vs meninism fight uuuuugh French contrarian YouTubers are always so stupidly late to the party.....🫠 like that girl is pretty lost and I hope she'll grasp that leaving feminist and becoming trad doesn't mean eating up the koolaid of basic men "trad" who -while they don't have to agree with feminism- will never have to self awareness to grasp the dimension of femalehood beside a male centric perspective.

Anyway your friend might be like this girl, she's lost and eventually she'll come around. Especially if she's young. I'm glad I've never bothered to slap onto myself whatever trendy label (feminist, tradfem, conservative, contrarian, etc) bc I feel like it messes people up whenever they get challenged in theif fundamental belief system.

[redux-iterum]

Ok, here's a little challenge for you and the editors; roast for me 10 WC couples of your choice.

This was fun! We each took five with a bonus from the editor, and you can read our complaints after the readmore.

LYNX (editor)

Violetshine X Tree: I'm still trying to get through the latter half of AVOS, so I haven't seen their first time meeting up or them falling in love or anything like that. What makes me rather uncomfortable with this couple is that Tree's old enough to be Violetshine's father. Pebbleshine and Hawkwing were already young lovers, but with the release of Tree's Roots, one can calculate Tree to be born around the same time as Hawkwing. He even meets a heavily pregnant Pebbleshine when he's around fifteen months old. Honestly, if his and Violetshine's dynamic in late AVOS is good enough for a Warriors couple, I'm willing to just headcanon him as at most eight months older than her to make it more palatable. By the way, this has nothing to do with the ages when they meet up. Violet's a year old by Darkest Night and nearly an adult if her sister's warrior assessment is anything to go by.

Clear Sky X Storm: It's been some years since I read DotC, but the love drama in The Sun Trail was pretty stupid. Especially the insta-love thing. Maybe it was an insta-attraction? But this is Warriors and we can't have that, noooooooooo...

Clear Sky X Star Flower: Everyone's gone on with how Clear Sky getting with his son's ex is rather dubious, but what is often neglected is the fact that Star Flower can make choices too! She made the choice to go for her ex's dad which is about as questionable as Clear Sky's choice! My personal headcanon is that she's the kitty equivalent of a gold-digger.

Pebbleshine X Hawkwing: Alright, so you're either of these two nitwits who've recently become a warrior. Your very way of life has been drastically upturned by someone you thought you could trust. You've lost family and friends to your betrayal, and what's worse is you've lost your home. The world you've known for your whole life has been ripped form you and you have to keep ambling forward with the hope that the place you'll finally settle in will be worth all this hardship. The path ahead of you is long, uncertain, and dangerous, and you'll need to have a clear head to have a hope of surviving this season. SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT TIME TO BOINK AND START A FAMILY, AM I RIGHT?

Bumblestripe X Dovewing: Pushy, inconsiderate, trademark Nice Guy, from questioning why they haven't had children yet at some random meeting to suggesting they have children at her friend's funeral, everyone's said it already. Bumblestripe is not a good cat for Dovewing. I'm glad she's not with him since that makes her happy. But... Tigerfartstar X Dovewing: Yeah, Dovewing, your taste in toms is awful. This temperamental, arrogant, patronizing shipdit, while not as bad as Bimbostripe over there, is still pretty bad. It's been a long while since I read OotS and I haven't yet read Tigerheart's Shadow, but I probably should to get a refresher on why I hate this couple.

DULLARD

Bristlefrost x Rootspring: So ignoring that Rootspring as a -paw is a whiny, overly defensive putz that acts self-conscious about having Tree as his father, Bristlefrost does not ONCE show interest in him. Not once. Count ‘em, zero times. In fact, she’s aware of his crush on her and is embarrassed whenever he comes around and whenever people notice him staring at her. She actively avoids him and speaks curtly, even rudely, to try and drive him off. Then, out of buttfuck nowhere, she says she has feelings for him once he’s a warrior? When they’ve barely interacted beyond her spurring his affections? Fuck with that?

Crowpaw x Feathertail: Feathertail, you’re a nice girl. You’re team mom and almost a second in command to Brambleclaw. Everyone likes you. So why in the good god damn fuck does a pissant like Crowpaw (an apprentice at the time, by the way) deserve your recognition, let alone your love? You could get literally any other cat you wanted to, and you go for the fruit that was formerly hanging the lowest, but dropped off the tree and is now rotting on the floor. He is nothing but a dick to you and only starts being remotely kind two seconds before you die. Please love yourself and do better in StarClan.

Bluefur x Oakheart: Speaking of low hanging fruit, this is a very, very easy one to dunk on. It’s moreso the fact that this entire “relationship” is treated as one of the great tragic romances in this series than anything else. The two of them talk, what, two or three times? And then have exactly one night together before Bluefur kills one of their kits and shoves the other two on him and then that’s it. That’s all they had. A one night stand and child death. What a love story. Why does Bluefur think Thrushpelt is the worse option, again?

Dustpelt x Fernpaw: GOD, this relationship is creepy. I still get simultaneously unnerved and mad whenever I read the first arc, because Dustpelt initially seems like he’ll go with Sandstorm before she stupidly falls in love with Fireheart, but then he sets his sights on someone so much younger than him that he actually asks if he can mentor her instead of his original apprentice (her brother, fun fact). Let me emphasize that, because he is actively seeking a power imbalance in this relationship, and he clearly intends to eventually get with her. Bear in mind that she is still being treated like she’s a young kid, if not a teenager, by the narrative. I could be here all day on this fucking topic, but let’s move on.

Berrynose x Poppyfrost: We all know what I’m going to say here. Berrynose having the brass to say loving things to a dying, agonizing Honeyfern after she spent all this time pining after him, and then less than two months later, he shacks up with her sister. That is the coldest thing he could possibly have done to her. The fact that the writers decided that she’s totally okay with the relationship and takes care of her sister’s dead kits like they’re hers is extra terrible. Like, she still gets the scraps when she’s dead? Seriously?

[i-need-air]

Oh-- I really really -really- liked your wolf hybrid Bakugou and-- if you don't mind, can you do one on Kirishima? Just the general headcanons, if this is too bothersome then you can ignore this once again- thank you

Just general headcanons you say? Okay, I had this written 2k words in before I got this ask and now it's at... ehem, let me take a deep breath for this;

Word count: 3.5k 💀 [of HCs 💀💀💀]

Why do I keep doing this to myself aksdjkd I love Kiri so much, my god! Thanks for the ask!! 💗

[ Masterlist ]

Hybrid!AU Kirishima Eijirou HCs

× i mentioned him as a dog hybrid and we're sticking with it because it just feels right, yano? anyway!

× you found out about how the new hybrid shelter in your city helped bust a fighting ring

× which was horrifying to think about

× one of your friends explained the process to you and you were definitely interested in helping someone out

× shelters were still underfunded and didn't provide much to help the hybrids adapt to society

× so you found yourself in front of the shelter without a plan

× just a dream and a spare couch that could thankfully convert into a bed

× before you could chicken out you stormed through the doors like a mad person, catching the attention of the guards and the front desk man

× it surprised you how disinterested they were though; were they seriously the people that dismantled a whole illegal fighting ring?

× they called a sweet old lady to accompany you

× when you explained your situation her eyes sparkled, looking you up and down and nodding her head

× she took you through some hallways, showing you around the precinct, questioning you about what type of hybrid you'd want

× to which you honestly didn't know how to respond, like anyone you could help????

× it kinda pissed you off how she spoke about the hybrids like they were pets, suggesting you'd get a kitty or a bunny, since [her words] they were low maintenance

× is this really a good shelter?

× you looked around, finding prison like cells left and right, some with people that looked at you curiously, some covering from your glance

× they were locked in...

× some growling could be heard far away but the woman shook her head at you, disapproving gaze turned to the side as she took you further into the building

× another room, this time cells were bigger, a few occupied, yet covered from you, indiferent and uninterested

× a man was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands in his hair

× "Kirishima, boy, get up to greet someone"

× his red eyes snapped up, whatever he was thinking about slowly forgotten

× he blinked curiously as you hugged your frame, feeling uncomfortable, even ashamed to be there

× but a sweet smile took over his features

× "Hey! I'm Kirishima Eijirou!"

× it's really all it took for you to grow fond of him; he got up and came closer to the entrance of the cell and introduced himself in such easy-going manner you forgot about everything and anything

× he calmed you with his presence, even if it was very disheveled, with old ripped clothes and hair messy, painted red with obvious dark roots showing

× he had a black fluffy tail waving slowly behind him too

× you introduce yourself with his encouragement and mumbled how you wanted to help someone out today

× he just smiled at you, taking you in

× let me tell you something about dog hybrids: they can sense emotions and intentions so Kiri would be a very good judge of character and he really, genuinely took a liking on you

× the problem is how the fuck do you say out loud that you wanted to help him out

× because you sure as hell weren't going to say you'd adopt him; he's not a child? we're talking about a grown ass man here? literally looked like 6'4ft/1.95m?????

× it was so shameful, your gut turned as you cursed society and he sensed it, expression changing, falling a little as he saw you look very out of place

× "Hey, hey, everything's gonna be fine!" he said

× he told YOU that

× instead of YOU telling HIM those words;;; you almost burst into ugly crying, forgetting about everything else, your minuscule problems or shame or whatever and just nodded at him

× "Would you like to come home with me, Kirishima?" you said, ignoring the happy clapping the old lady was doing, watching carefully how his expression, clear as water, switched from easy-going and reassuring to shocked then hopeful

× "I'd like that" he breathed out "—a lot."

× as you went out the lady was telling him it was a shame they separated his group of friends, something about being sent to different shelters, how he had to be a good boy, to behave, yada-yada and seriously;;; he was taking it so lightheartedly, as if he was so used to this behavior or even was thankful for it?

× it was starting to get annoying, specially when they gave you a collar for him, like no fucking thanks, but you'd take care of it later

× since it was very random and unplanned, you were making mental gymnastics to figure out what to get and what to do first, like clothes, food—

× journey home was pleasant as he walked close to you, asking you questions about yourself with a gentle smile on his features

× meanwhile people got out of both your ways because he was intimidating and big and large but his smile screamed sunshine

× all while he never really mentioned anything about himself

× you made a point to ask him if he was hungry, to grab a quick bite at any restaurant you could get at then go buy some clothes and necessities

× you were so casual and this guy was so shocked

× i swear, looks at you blinking stupidly then ✨beams✨

× spoiler alert; big boy was hungry

× it didn't matter honestly, just seeing him eat without a worry [even if everyone at the restaurant was wary of him but got a stink eye from you] was a relief

× since you answered his questions about you, you decided to ask some about him; you were going to be roomies soon so might as well get to know each other

× shocked again

× stops mid-bite when you ask him something and stares wide-eyed

× doesn't answer but you can see he wants to and you're confused??

× "did I—... did I say something wrong?" you'd press, scared you'd spook him away or something

× he just gulps down and looks ashamed

× casually tells you they've been told at the shelter owners don't care about them

× 🙃 say what now bby?

× he kinda starts apologizing because he understands why you wouldn't wanna know and you put your hand on his; kinda mutes him for a second

× "Kirishima, we're gonna live together and hopefully be friends in the process, right? I'd like to know about you, as much as you're willing to tell me"

× [ falls in love right then and there ]

× he's met humans before, many actually—

× even in the short weeks he's been at the shelter he's seen people come and go and none talked to him like you did

× stares with stars in his eyes and chuckles awkwardly, blush on his face

× "You're really nice, [Y/N]" he said before eagerly answering your questions; course, it leaves you confused lmfao but you brush past it

× okay! shopping next, long story short it was very hard to find hybrid clothes for his size so you pick to change human clothes and adjust them for him

× as you again mention this stuff casually he's just awestruck

× when you got home, bags in hand, you were explaining to him how you really didn't have much; you were working to get a promotion soon but for now you had a couch that could open up into a very comfy bed, which he assured you it was enough

× you were lowkey unsure if he fit it because like i mentioned, big boi is big

× he does! so that's a relief but you started considering giving him your bed; you mostly fell asleep on the couch anyway and to be fair, it was really comfortable and you mention it as he looks around

× his head snaps at you, wide eyed, yet does not talk

× so you ramble bc that's something fun to do! "I mean I went to the shelter without a plan and uh, I want you to feel as comfortable as possible and maybe the bed is a better fit and—"

× Kirishima Eijirou sees: 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕

× has never been treated like this, like he's an... equal... something he'll take months to share with you, but we're getting ahead of ourselves

× the thing is this boy will fall pretty hard pretty fast, but will definitely take time to make a move

× bc he is respectful

× so he thanks you for the offer and tells you it's probably the best place he slept in all his life

× can your heart stop breaking for him? i mean it's a good couch but it's no luxury hotel bed???

× [ we need to pause, OP made herself sad ]

× ok, so he's really helpful around the house, and he knows how to cook!

× takes no time to talk about his friends, special his best friend that cooked for everyone at the fighting ring and forced them all to help and that's how he was pretty decent at cooking himself

× wasn't the best though, but followed instructions like a boss

× he lives for your compliments

× literally his tail wiggles with no shame

× seriously;; tell him he did a good job even at the dumbest thing and—

× puffs chest

× wiggle-wiggle

× "Thanks!"

× 🥺💕💞 make him stop, he's so cute

× did i mention he has like floppy black ears? Omg his earsssssssssshnnngggggggggg

× because they move whenever he walks and they're mesmerizing

× and one day that you're observing them for science [not because your heart was like 💘pom-pom💘] you noticed his roots

× remember when your heart broke for him? hah, have some more because as you asked him, he started telling you that he was pushed into dying his hair red for the spectacle, diversity and what-not

× reassured you he grew to love it now, being part of who he is

× also gets a little bit shy when adding he wouldn't want to change the color in hopes of finding his friends someday and for him to be easily recognizable

× you bought him hair dye that same day

× WHICH! apart from gaining extra 🥺💕💞 from him, it created a nice routine between you two!!

× you offered to dye his hair and it was such a great time; he made you laugh, conversation going just as easy whenever you talked, you got to know each other a little bit more and—

× heh

× at the end, after applying all the red hair dye, you massaged his scalp gently

× guess who melts in your hands? yes, giant ass dog-man melts into a puddle under your hands and it's the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen

× I'm serious, he sighs and leans into your gloved hands with zero [0] shame, eyes closed and peaceful expression on his features apart from a small smile

× you tease him and he laughs it off, but promise him you'd give him head scratches when he was finished with the dye, washed off and hair dry

× and you better deliver

× "Don't think I forgot!" he'd say as he'd hop on his make-shift bed in the living room by your side, tail moving from side to side

× as you start playing with his locks, he falls into your lap and starts snoring

× move an inch and he opens his eyes to look at you confused

× puppy eyes questioning you if you're leaving 🥺

× yep, you fall asleep together

× you point out to yourself that those puppy eyes will be the death of you

× he's a touchy guy, okay? since he's been touchy with you from the very start you never questioned it, even read on the internet that many hybrids descended from house pets need physical affection, like hugs, pats, scratches, all the bag, so it wasn't a big deal for you

× except it was a big deal because he's been around for a month and you're already catching feelings and that's bad because you did not bring him there to fall for him but to help him start a new life and—

× oh my god, what if he thought you were one of those people from the horror stories about hybrid adoption that only wanted them for one thing—

× no, no, no, nO, NO.

× anxiety was getting to you as the guilt of catching feelings for him, plus the fact that he was financially dependant on you for the time which would've made it even worse if he found out, PLUS he comes from such a rough life, he definitely needs a break and doesn't need his first human friend in forever to be a piece of;;;

× Kiri catches on this really constant and increasing feeling of anxiety; he starts to send you worried glances but doesn't know how to proceed

× in such a soft voice he asks if you're okay, if something is on your mind

× and since you weren't sharing anything but acted as if everything was alright even when he felt you lied, Kiri started to get worried too

× why were you anxious? why weren't you talking to him about it?

× oh, god, was he a burden? because he felt like one;;; did you want him out? he felt like an extra weight for you and wanted to do something about it but maybe you got sick of him? he felt unmanly...

× the fact that he knew he cared about you as more than just a friend made him even more anxious and it didn't help that whenever he touched you he heard your breath hitch or your heart beating louder; he got his hopes up then down because

× you smelled like people; people he didn't know, people he wanted to know because he needed to know why did you smell like them? were they a treat? were they potential partners? he really did not want to ask bc Kirishima felt like it wasn't his place to know

× as tension grew in the house you decided to gift him a new phone, ready to give him some news that reached your ears

× it seems Kiri himself liked to do sports and mainly jog to keep himself active and he's started to pass by the local dog-park to play with the dogs

× imagine your surprise when a few neighbors asked you if he'd be willing to train their dogs bc he's been teaching them stuff like once a week and the dogs listened

× big time dog whisperer; he says "Sit" to one dog and all dogs in the neighborhood sit too, you get me?

× so you said it would be nice for him to have his own money; not like you didn't help him without care, but you saw his face every time you bought something for him and really felt like he needed some real independence

× he's in ✨awe✨ because you came up with clients already that were very eager for dog training sessions, which he loved??? and suggested hours, wages??????

× and you gave him this new phone to help him with it if he's interested too?

× "Well, the normal price on the internet around the area is—"

× "[Y/N]."

× "Hmm?"

× "You're really amazing, you know that, right?" he'd have his lips curled into a sweet smile

× which makes your heart go crazy and this man notices how you get flustered

× loves it

× get ready for compliments; a lot of compliments just expecting your sweet flustered reactions

× he's slow at realizing your feelings for him because he beats himself down and seems himself as less of a man but tests the waters nonetheless and a d o r e s every time you struggle to thank him for said compliments and don't know how to continue functioning

× catches on and gets his hopes up

× and so you do

× listen, this is hilarious because you're both dumb idiots and want to be respectful towards the other meanwhile he hugs you tighter and for a little bit too long, loving how you melt into him, kisses you on the cheek and sees you get all flustered, looks at you like you're the only one to ever matter until you stop talking, turning everything into a giant mess of silence until you both grin at each other???? I'm getting second-hand embarrassment, just kiss???????

× and it happened with an accidental kiss

× you greeted him as he walked through the door, excited to tell him about your promotion, rambling about the take-out you ordered while he smiled at you

× and it started to be usual for you to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, right? just what normal roomies do, you know [mhmm~]

× he's taking his shoes off and knows the kiss is coming, but just before you press it on his cheek you whisper/squeal "I got the promotion!" to which he turns his head in surprise at you making your lips press together by accident [mhhhmmmmm~~~]

× cue both of you apologizing, looking like a mess

× he's blushing

× you both loved it

× why are you standing so close to each other?

× why did he lick his lips in daze while staring at yours?

× which one of you was leaning in for another kiss?

× it didn't really matter because he's kissing you slowly, taking you into his arms like you were made of porcelain

× glues his body to yours and breathes you in, lips locked, neither believing it was real

× lifts you up in his arms with no difficulty and smiles, both inches separated from another; "Congratulations..." his breath would fan over your face;;;;

× yeah, okay, he takes no time to confess, resulting in a mess of manly words skdjekldj you guys talked that whole night while cuddling and stealing kisses, you on his lap

× [ his nose brushing your neck; he loves your scent omg ]

× it becomes official pretty much instantly and then all your worries wash away

× all the anxiety, all the stress and overthinking, they've all been sorted out in one night and trust me, afterwards this man is pure honesty and loyalty

× he won't hesitate to talk to you about anything and will be such a patient sweetheart with you, listening to every word you say without judgment

× loves cheesy stuff? as in the most cliché stuff seen in movies? that's his shit right there; whenever you two see each other after some time apart [sometimes 5 minutes apart] he'd pick you in his arms and spin you around, then expect you to kiss him

× if you don't, i will skfjdkfk step aside 👀

× skin contact; please, touch him

× if you're not he sends you those famous puppy eyes and we all know they're killer

× sighs, happy to hold you tight against him, engulfing you into his big frame; yeah, you're where you belong, in his arms.

× everyone in the neighborhood loves him; it's ridiculous, seriously, because you find out he helped around all the time when you were at work and gained everyone's love

× makes an instagram account to teach people how to train their dog and becomes an internet sensation, a small celebrity

× also bc he's hot and sometimes posts working out pics

× skdksjs imagine this: makes dinner for both of you, lits up some candles, goes all in, then fucking posts it on ig saying "waiting for my baby to come home #surprise" forgetting you can see it lmfao

× you see the story on your way home and 🥺💞 "ye i love his oblivious ass"

× soft gasps when you tell him after dinner

× has the audacity to be surprised, like babe????

× Kaminari finds him through social media and this baby cries in relief for a good half an hour

× both team up to find all the gang

× guess who talks praises about you all the time? mhm, this guy right here is proud to have you

× and Denki has to deal with it;

× anywho! want to break him for good? tell him you love him for the first time

× GETS. SO. EXCITED. AND. EMOTIONAL.

× but forgets how to speak

× finds his words to say it back after staring at you entranced, grinning like an idiot, taking you in his arms and giving you a bone crushing hug while shaking in place

× he's never felt this loved and adores every second of it

× you're like a drug and he's deep gone, man

× tells you he loves you every single day

[percywinchester27]

La Petite Mort

Word count: 2.1K

Pairing: Dean X Reader AU

Warnings: None, just fluff, humour and implied sex ;)

Series Summary: The reader has just shifted to a new flat and boy, someone on the floor has a really banging sex life! The passionate moans have been keeping her up for several nights in row and enough is enough! Reader has her suspicions, but is it really the green-eyed hottie from room no. 307?  

A/N: It’s a neighbours!AU. I’m finally writing one. So excited to share it with you guys. Hope y’all like it! <3

Beta: The best babe, @deanssweetheart23​​​​​

Everything was fine till the banging started. Pun very much intended.

The shift had been smooth, the job was going great and life was finally on track. You had slid under the covers with the most satisfied smile in years only to be woken up to a lady very, very, very happy with her life.

Oh yeah… oh yeah… ahhh right there… oh fuck yeah…

You sat up right in your bed, eyes wide, face hot.

Third night in a row. Third fucking night. Literally.

What in the good heavens? The landlady might have mentioned this while renting out the flat!

Shoving the pillow over your ears, you fell back onto the mattress, closing your eyes shut very tightly. Eventually sleep overtook you and you lapsed into lousy dreams of trying to catch the taxi which kept evading you. Not a metaphor for your sex life at all. Nope.

The disturbed sleep didn’t help your mood the following day. Everyone at the office thought of you as a happy-go lucky person. Lately, they were seeing this whole new dark side of you. Sleep was essential to your functioning. 

In the evening, on your way back, you stopped by the coffee shop downstairs to pick up a brownie. It was a little place; busy yet quaint. The barista, Charlie, made two hearts in your coffee instead of one. That put the biggest smile on your face. 

At least, the day was ending on a high note.

Your newly rented flat was on the third floor of a very complicated building. One staircase did not directly lead into another. An entire hallway had to be crossed to get to it. The design probably broke a hundred different by laws and someone was definitely paid off in the city civil office to get a construction permit. You did not want to imagine how the people would fare in case of a fire emergency. Learning the escape plan was like memorising the map of a treasure hunt. You escape, you win. You lose… whoops! Better luck in next life. But the rent was cheap and you were already living all the clichés of a struggling writer- one incomplete book, a job at a publishing house and addiction to coffee. So, yes, you would brave fire when it came to being able to afford a living.

Struggling with the brownie package and the coffee in your hand you jammed the key into the door. It didn’t go in. 

What the hell?

You tried again, and once more the key got jammed. On a closer look, you realised that the lock didn’t resemble yours at all. Stepping back, you peered at the door. 307. Not 306- which was yours.

The floor design was insane and instead of the flats being lined up next to each other, they were all fronting one another in a haphazard fashion. Shaking your head, you took a step back and jammed the key into the lock of your own flat.

Jesus! You’re losing it, Y/N.

Shirking off the mild irritation, you cooked yourself a hot cup of instant noodles, put on your favourite TV show and slinked into your couch. Tonight’s episode was going to reveal who the murderer was and you had been dying for the suspense to finally end. 

Just when the protagonist was about to point a gun at the killer in the shadows…

Oh my God... you’re incredible… aahhhh… ahhhh… ahhh…

You completely abandoned the TV and jumped up from the sofa. The fire hazard might still be worth it, but the thin walls so weren’t.

On tiptoes, you made your way to the east side wall, putting your ear against it. The noise wasn’t coming from upstairs. That was the only sure thing. But it was impossible to pinpoint the direction. The moans were reverberating through the walls. So loudly that there was no escaping it. Not in the bedroom, the kitchen or the living room sofa. 

Of all of them, the east wall seemed like the culprit. 

Right there… yeah…

307. Whoever it was in that room needed to calm the FUCK down. You grabbed your blanket and dragged it to the end of the living room, fuming. What ticked you off was how much this was ticking you off.

It’s sleep you told yourself. The lack of sleep was the only thing making you mad. The sex noises couldn’t be it. Because there were other noises- a dog barked somewhere occasionally, one of the rooms had a very loud stereo and someone was too much into baking- the beater was ceaseless. No, it had to be the timing and your wrecked sleep schedule.

Just like the nights before, you covered your ears and started reciting the story of the manuscript you had been reading at work. Eventually, sleep overtook you again.

The next morning you woke up in a crappier mood. If that was even possible.

Breathing down on anything and everything, you locked the door on your way out for work. Turning into the corridor, you ran into a wall of solid flesh. 

In your groggy, sleep deprived state, the first thing you noticed was the way he smelled- leather and whiskey and something headier than that. It was divine. Next, you looked up into those eyes- stunning green, like sparkling water running over jade.

“Easy there, sweetheart!” The guy smirked. 

You straightened yourself and took a step back. In front of you stood the most handsome guy you had ever seen. He was tall, with dirty blond hair, almost brown, and those stunning eyes. 

“I’m so sorry,” you muttered, trying to collect your scattered thoughts. You had one of those dumb faces that gave away every damn thought crossing through your brain, so obviously you tried your best not to meet his gaze. Which was a shame really. That face demanded to be ogled at. Let alone the body that followed.

“No, no… I didn’t mind at all.” 

You saw him reach out to the door of 307.

“You’re the one who lives there?” You asked through gritted teeth. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Sure. You want a tour?”

Uhgg the best looking guy and he has to be such a douche!

Slipping past him, you stomped off towards the stairs. This too-good-looking-for-the-world asshat had been ruining your nights and in turn your life. 

You knew it was wrong to be mad at him without, at least, talking about the issue first. A polite conversation explaining your situation wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world now, would it? But how does one start a conversation pertaining to that? After all, he wasn’t exactly the one making the noise. What would you say?

So, hey would you mind pleasuring your girlfriend a little less? 

Or better. Ever heard of a ball gag?

Mere thought of it made you shudder.

The work day was spent trying to shove your neighbour's stupidly handsome face out of your mind. It didn’t help that your mother kept calling, repeatedly. You knew what she had to say. How you should have taken that bigger job at Royal’s publishing. How the writing career might never take off. How you really should get a boyfriend now, or you’ll be the only unmarried cousin in the family.

Usually you could entertain your mother with well-timed hmms and ahhs. Today wasn’t that day.

Bone-tired and absentminded, you jammed the key in the keyhole in the evening, only for it to get stuck again. You looked up at the door. 307.

Well, shit!

Putting both your hands into it, you yanked the key with all your might, just as the door opened. There he stood, with his crooked smirk, dimples digging in, wearing nothing but a thin cotton t-shirt and sweatpants that hung all too low on those hips.

“You don’t need to break into my house. I already offered a tour.” Of course, god gave him an irresistible voice. Cause at this point, why not?

“Sorry,” you muttered, looking anywhere but at him. “I keep getting the wrong door. This one’s mine.”

“Oh, so you’re the one in 306!” You could feel his smirk more than see it. “Looks like you’re having a good ol’ time in there.”

“Excuse me?”

The guy raised scratched the back of his neck, face apologetic. “You might… ya know… just keep the voice down in there?”

The audacity of this guy!

“Rich of you to ask anyone to keep it down!” You hissed. “Why don’t you tell your girlfriend to keep it low?” 

With that, you shut your door in his surprised face. The worst part was, after bumping into him in the morning, your mind was producing distinct images of him in the bed, doing things to a woman. You had tried your best not to let them make a home in your head. But like a stickly tenant, they refused to evacuate. No wonder it was hard to look him in those brilliant, brilliant green eyes. The guy was hot! There was no denying that. You weren’t even willing to accept to yourself just how much time you had put into imagining him naked.

If anything, the denial mixed with your pre-existing irritation and sleep deprivation had you ready tonight. 

So the moment the enamoured voice started begging, you hopped out of your chair. You had every intention of yelling yourself hoarse at the delectable resident next door, but the moment you stepped into the corridor, you came face to face with the very man. 

He was- thankfully, completely clothed- looking a bit harassed, himself.

aahhhh… ahhhh… ahhh… right there...

Your head whipped up to the suspected direction of the voice, and back at him. “Wait, you aren’t… it’s not...?”

His face mirrored your expression of surprise and then he burst out laughing. “Looks like we’ve both been played.”

“Not intentionally,” you said, peering at the adjacent doors, mostly to not look at him. “Where do you think it’s coming from?”

He shot a glance at the door opposite to his. “If it’s not you, my best guess is that guy over there. I mean, if you ask me, Nick over there doesn’t look the type to make a woman that happy… but what do I know?”

“You shouldn’t make assumptions about people,” you said, taking a tentative step towards the said door.

Mr. hot guy smartpants laughed. “Oh, trust me. He’s the douchiest douche you’ll ever meet. Guy like that? Definitely selfish in bed.”

You frowned at him.

“He asks women in the street to smile more,” hot guy explained.

“Uhhgg… yeah you’re right. It’s definitely not him.”

Hot guy pointed his fingers at the rest of the doors. “That one’s rented by three guys. I don’t think it’s them. Mrs. Hendrickson over there works night shifts. I have no clue who lives in there,” he pointed to the last door, directly in front of you.

Goodness you’re amazing...

“Yes, lady, we already know!” He called out.

You couldn’t help the giggle that burst through your lips.

His eyes softened. “Dean Winchester,” he said, offering his hand.

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N,” you said, taking his. He had a firm grip. A very funny sensation gripped your stomach. Like a flutter. Nervousness? 

“It’s great to meet you, Y/N.” He smirked. “I sure wish the circumstances were better.”

You bit your lip. “Listen, I’m sorry for the comment about your girlfriend. I was just mad about, you know... “

“Don’t worry about it. My non-existent girlfriend is very cool. She took no offense.”

You snorted.

“I was dead serious about the house tour,” He winked. “I can promise great coffee.”

“Sure, sometime soon.”

He shot a look at the door with the unknown occupants again. “I hate to leave this here, but I think we should get whatever kind of shuteye we can while they’re quiet over there, huh?”

“Oh, yeah!” You hurried back to your flat. “Night, Dean.”

He gave you his crooked grin again, just a hint of mischief. “Night, Y/N.”

You knew it wasn’t him now, and he was right about making the most of the quiet and fucking off to sleep, and yet, each time you closed your eyes, your mind decided to replay your imaginations for you. With a start, you sat up in your bed, a thought occurring to you like a hit on the head- If you had been thinking about him that way? Had he been imagining you as well?

Blood rushed to your face at the very idea. Though a tiny part of you begged for the answer- would it be such a bad thing if he had?

*********************

A/N 2: So? So? SO??? What do you think?

I value each and every reblog more than I can tell you! Thank you! Feedback is love and life!

This series will have a total of 5 or 6 parts max.

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[idonthalfbloodymissyou]

dress

i haven’t posted in literally forever so here’s a one-shot i wrote two months ago now :) song-fic inspired by dress, by the one and only taylor alison swift :)) enjoy!!

Lily hates these parties. Having to talk to people and be pleasant and presentable when she’d much rather be at home with her cats and boyfriend. 

Boyfriend. 

She glances across the room at him, smiling her secret smile, the one that’s reserved just for him, as she locks eyes with James over the crowded room. 

They’re rarely in the same place. But, now that it’s award season, he’s close to her again. 

Having him here makes everything more enjoyable and more excruciating at the same time. They can share the pain of these parties and laugh about them later, when Lily is finally free of her dress and James free of his suit. 

For now though, they’re confined to opposite sides of the room and minimal interaction, just waiting for the moment they can be back in each other’s arms. 

They know no one has any idea about them. It’s electrifying knowing that they have each other, knowing there’s an indentation in the shape of him in her bed, knowing he made her mark on her like a golden tattoo just hours previously. 

They mingle with others in the party, all of the silence and patience and pining and anticipation driving them crazy.

Lily can feel her hands shaking in an effort to hold back from James as she nears him. 

“All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting, my hands are shaking from all of this,” Lily says, removing one hand from her champagne glass to brush James’ arm. 

She can feel the electricity between them, burning them both as they stand still, watching each other.

James lets out a shaky laugh, bending forward to whisper, “Lily,” in her ear. 

Nothing else needs to be said as her breath catches in her throat and everything around her stops and she becomes very aware of his breath on her neck and his heartbeat under her hand.

Everyone thinks she just wants him like a best friend, but she doesn’t. 

She wants more from him than a best friend. Lily only bought this dress so he could take it off. She wants him to crave his name into her bedpost, she wants him to make it his. She wants him to make her his. 

Lily doesn’t want him like a best friend. 

She wants him like a boyfriend, and she never wants that to change. 

---

“Can I?” James asks an hour later, his voice soft as he tugs on the zipper of Lily’s pale blue dress.

“I only bought this dress so you could take it off,” she sighs, raising her arms around James’ neck and he slides her dress to the floor, laughing breathily. 

The way he makes her feel is so inescapable, she doesn't even want to try. If she gets burned, at least they were electrified. 

---

Lily smiles at James, spilling some of her wine in the bathtub as she leans forward to kiss him. 

James brushes her hair away from her face gently, leaning into the kiss greedily. 

When Lily pulls away, he leans forward again, placing kisses on her face.

She laughs drunkenly, grabbing the back of his neck to keep him where he is. 

“You’re so drunk,” Lily mumbles, leaning into James’ touch. 

“Mmm. So are you, love,” he whispers. 

Lily grins stupidly. Love. She feels like she could melt anytime he calls her love. And his accent. God, she loves his accent. 

The way he pronounces words makes her feel giddy. It’s just so perfectly and uniquely him. And the way he calls her love. 

That’s for her, and for her only. 

Everyone thinks that they know them, but they know nothing about how they feel about each other, and how they make each other feel. 

Only they can know how they really feel. 

They just need the courage to say it. 

---

Lily studies the room, searching for James. This is the first time they’ve been in the same place in three months. All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation, her hands are shaking from holding back from him. 

Her face falls ever so slightly when she can’t find him, and she turns to distract herself when she feels a hand on her waist. 

“All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting, my hands are shaking from all this, Lily,” James says, his voice low in her ear, chest warm against her back.

Even so, that’s all it takes for everything around her to come to a complete stop, leaving just James and Lily in the moment. 

She needs him. She needs him here, now, and forever. 

“I don’t want you like a best friend,” Lily whispers, turning to lock her eyes with his. “Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off,”

James chuckled, his voice low. 

“Carve your name into my bedpost, cause I don't want you like a best friend,” Lily says softly, not breaking her gaze. 

She watches as James swallows and glances around before bringing his hand up and tracing her jaw. “You only bought this dress so I could take it off, take it off, huh?” he whispers, smirking.

“Only bought this dress so you could take it off,” Lily says.

---

“Only bought this dress so you could take it off,” she whispers, helping James pull it off in the back of her limo. 

James laughs breathlessly, bringing his lips back to hers. She knows there’ll be marks on her neck from him tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter. 

All that matters is that they’re here, together. That’s all that will ever matter. 

---

Lily lays her head on James’ shoulder, watching the news. Paparazzi caught them leaving the party together last night. There’s speculation of them dating, flashbacks to when they first met. 

James’ hair buzzed so short you couldn't even see his curls, hers dyed a lighter red. 

Back when she was new to this, being under the eye of the whole world. She broke her back trying to please everyone, becoming the version of herself she never wanted to be. 

But even in her worst times, James could see the best in her. 

All her mistakes, her rebounds, her earthquakes. Even in her worst lies, he could see the truth in her. 

Lily nuzzles her face in James’ neck, placing a kiss on his collarbone. 

“I don’t like those pictures. I don’t like who I was,” she whispers. “It was like I was stuck in a never ending nightmare.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you woke up just in time,” James says, kissing her temple. 

“Mmm. And now I wake up by your side. My one and only, my lifeline,” she smiles.

James pulls back from her and turns on his side so they’re face-to-face. 

Lily bites her lip nervously as his serious expression.

“I love you,” he says. 

Lily feels her breath hitch as she watches him carefully. Between his eyebrows a small crease has formed and his face is carefully neutral, his mouth in a straight line. 

But Lily knows him. She can see the way his eyes shine with hope, the way his mouth is twitching at the corner, trying to not give away his expression. The way his eyebrows are raised ever so slightly, silently asking a question. 

“I love you, too,” she says. 

James' face breaks into a smile and he wraps his arm around her, pulling her towards him so their bodies are flush with each other once again. 

“I woke up just in time,” Lily whispers. 

“And now I wake up by your side,” James says. 

Lily smiles nervously, her hands shaking as she rubs James’ arm. 

“Are you okay?” he asks softly. 

“Yes,” she whispers. “I can’t explain it. I just… I can’t believe it.”

“What can’t you believe?”

“That I get to wake up by your side. That you love me. That you’re mine, and I’m yours,” she smiles. “I never thought when I met you that all my wildest dreams could come true.”

James smiles back at Lily, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. 

“I’m glad all your wildest dreams did come true, love,” he whispered. 

“So am I. So am I.”

---

“Lily,” James moans softly, rocking his hips forward. 

Lily sighs softly into his neck, placing another kiss under his jaw. She can feel everything around them slow to a stop until it’s just the two of them in this moment. She loves the way it feels to be with him, like they’re the only two people in the world. 

“I love you,” she says, because she doesn’t want him like a best friend. 

“I love you, too,” James responds, smiling. 

“Only bought this dress so you could take it off,” Lily teases, attempting to move it out of her way. 

“Oh, did you now?” James laughs softly. “I guess it has to come off, then,” he says, unbuttoning the back and pulling it off gently. 

Lily watches as he takes in her body hungrily, like this is his last chance to see her. 

They both know this won’t be the last time. Neither of them want it to end. James wants Lily to make him hers, and Lily wants James to make her his. 

She wants him to carve his name into her bedpost, because she doesn’t want him like a best friend. 

After all, she only bought this dress so he could take it off. 

---

Lily wraps her legs around James’ waist, glad her day dress is short. 

She wants him so badly she feels giddy, her head spinning with all the thoughts of him. 

She can see pieces of him scattered throughout her room, places where he’s left his mark over the past few months and continues to. 

Her closet that holds his clothes. His glasses on her nightstand. There is an indentation in the shape of him on her bed, and she only bought this dress so he could take it off. 

But he made his mark on her like a golden tattoo, illuminating her. 

“Only bought this dress so you could take it off,” Lily whispers as she falls back onto the bed, her smile matching James’. 

“You seem to buy every dress just so I can take it off,” he grins, sliding it over her hips. 

“Well, is there any other point in buying one?”

“No, no there is not, love,” James laughs, falling into the bed next to Lily, their bodies electric.

It doesn’t matter if everyone thinks they know about their relationship, if they want to speculate or judge what’s real and what’s not. They know what’s real, and that’s all that matters. 

James is Lily’s, and Lily is James’. 

All Lily’s dresses are for James to take off. 

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

I started rewatching Soul Eater and you want to know what its done to me?!?!!

4 episodes in and im like i really wanna read fanfic for this show. I read the entirety of Ao3 and FF.net IN TWO DAYS

I went digging through tumblr tags and blogs FOR ANOTHER TWO DAYS

I finally find time to go back to watching it. I watch eps 5-24 IN ONE DAY. I am once again dying to read fanfic. You know when u read fanfic and then go back through it all with low standards? Ya i did that day 2 of #1 so i cant even do that. I resorted to reading wiki pages just for glimpses of new content

My brain did not shut up about this show for ANOTHER TWO DAYS. I regressed back into my pacing-for-HOURS-while-thinking-about-a-specific-show/book days

I would like to mention i saw this show for the first time 2 years ago and it did not do this to me. Just watching the prologues did this to me and gave me a fascination for the partnerships

I start thinking about canon!Soul and all this fanfic!Soul and reach the conclusion that Soul can achive the slightly better personality of fanfic!Soul by getting older and maturing some. I somehow start thinking of a AU(?) where Soul gets thrown back in time to the start of the anime. And its just other characters thoughts on 17 year old Soul/Death Scythe Soul. BUT WAIT THERES MORE

I start thinking how i dont want to send him back in time by himself and my brain picks Tsubaki to go back with him for no other reason than shes my fav. And then i was like should i send all the weapons? And i decide no bc thats a lot of characters and i still havent decided wether or not future!characters are swapping places with past!characters and i dont want miesters bc at some point i want a past!Maka and future!Soul team up. Then my brain back tracks to why would/what would happen that would allow just Soul and Tsubaki to be sent back. This STARTS the headcanon landslide i create of the main 7's futures

So first i decide to disregard what little i know of Manga canon and make Tsubaki a Death Scythe too (bc i literally cannot conceive the idea that a pairing as genius as Black Star and Tsubaki dont achieve that) so that Soul and Tsubaki have special Death Scythe training they undergo together and therefore thats why they were hanging out just the two of them. Then i start trying to figure out how they would interact and again idk how for some reason my brain goes "oh Soul would be really sweet but really awkward if she was pregnant" and then my mind took that thought and ran with it

So anyways now Tsubaki is married to Black Star but they dont tell past!characters that and they have 5-6 kids. I have planned out the disaster of their engagement-bachelor party-wedding festivities as well as their kids' early lives but to explain all that i might as well actually attempt to write a fic (spoiler alert: BS's bachelor party was the most stressful day of Soul's life to date and even tho BS is actually a young dad hes surprisingly really good at it and wants even more kids than Tsubaki does which no one expected INCLUDING ME). Past!characters find out when she runs and throws up in a park/hallway trashcan and when asked if shes okay Soul goes "its just morning sickness" and leads half the characters to (stupidly) believe he's the dad solely because hes not freaking out like the rest of them. Later on they see Soul's contact photo in Tsubaki's phone and its a pic that Maka sent her of Soul with his niece sitting on his shoulders at a amusement park and they're both wearing sunglasses. Do i actually know the real relationship between Soul and Wes? No! I just found the idea of Soul having a niece who adores him and thinks hes the coolest uncle ever which totally chokes him up when he thinks about it too long to be too cute to disregard on the fact i dont know canon.

So anyways Soul Eater IS RUINING ME and if anyone wants more details on the events ive mentioned i will gladly not shut up about it

[just-jordie-things]

Meeting JJ at the midsummer party and slipping and falling into his arms?

You lived on the Figure Eight, much to your dismay.  It wasn’t as luxurious as literally anyone made it out to be.  You hated it here, every part of it.

You hated the yachting, you hated spending all day on a boat sitting around or playing cards.  You hated golfing, you once even hit your own foot as hard as you could manage with a club just to get out of it.  but most of all, you hated your poser of a family, and their poser friends.

Everything was always about appearances.  Appearing wealthy.  Appearing happy.  Appearing well mannered.  It was all bullshit.

And right now, you hated the Midsummer Party.

You hated it every year it came around.  Nothing made you more uncomfortable than this stupid fucking party.

You’d spend all day getting ready, prettying yourself up to your parents standards.  Caked on makeup, hours of perfecting the braided crown around your head, and even making sure every loose curl that fell around your face was perfectly bouncy.

You’d wear a dress that wasn’t your style, even if it did kinda accentuate your curves...

And then you’d sit around all night, dying of boredom.

Your parents would mingle with their fake friends, brag about you where they could, and you’d wish that you could drink yourself to death.

This year however, you had the privilege of watching a certain blonde waiter make his rounds with drinks and hors d’oeuvres.  You didn’t know he was a server, usually you knew all the servers because you’d spend more time talking to them than any of the Kooks. 

But it was a pleasant surprise.

You'd maybe had a crush on JJ Maybank since grade school.  Even though he was a Pogue and pretty well known for hating Kooks.  You couldn’t help it.

He was so cute.  And he was funny.  And you’ve had this dumb crush on him for the longest time.

You spent most of the night just watching him with heart eyes.  He looked good in a vest and slacks.  Real good.  It made the night a little easier.

However your legs were stating to fall asleep from sitting around all night, and it wouldn’t kill you to do a lap around the party.

Of course as soon as you caught the attention of Rafe Cameron, your mindset changed.

He let out a low whistle, his hand grabbing onto your wrist before you could keep walking.

“(y/n) (y/l/n),” He greeted, eyes raking over your body.

You couldn’t help the scoff that escaped your throat.

“You look good.  Have you been here the whole night? I haven’t seen you around” 

“Yeah, that’s cause I don’t like you” You reminded him, and snatched your hand out of his hold.

You often had to remind Rafe of that fact, but it never seemed to do the trick.

“You want a drink?” He asked, already taking a glass off of a passing server’s tray, handing it out to her.

“No, thanks” You shook your head, and turned to head off in any other direction.

He stopped you again, this time his grip on your wrist tighter than before.

“Rafe cut it out-”

“You know, I don’t get why you don’t just chill out and give me a chance” He said, like it annoyed him.  Your brows furrowed, and you rugged on your hand again.

“Rafe, listen to me when I say this, never in a million years” You said as seriously as you could.

“Jesus Christ! Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time!” He yelled loud enough that he was gaining the attention of Kooks around them.

However, instead of realizing something shady was going on, they all juts walked away in embarrassment.

“Rafe, let me go,” You told him, trying to pull out of his grip again.  “You’re acting like a crazy person” You hissed.

“And you’re acting like a stuck up bitch! Can’t you see that I just like you?” 

Yeah right! You thought, and kicked him in the shin so you could finally yank your arm out out of his slightly threatening grip.

You were successful, for about two seconds.

Because you put too much force into shoving him away from him, you tripped over your heels, and next thing you know you were being sent full force into a server behind you.

Lucky enough for you, that server was quick to react, and suddenly you’re not crashing onto the floor, but you’re being held in the arms of- of course- JJ Maybank himself.

You think this might be more embarrassing than falling on your ass.

“That did not just happen” You mumbled, in shock that you even fell, but that your crush of six years is literally holding you in his very strong arms.

He chuckled, mistaking your comment as a compliment of his grace and swiftness.

“Charmed?” He asked teasingly, and then helped you back to your feet.

You were speechless as you adjusted your dress, and still a bit embarrassed by the whole thing.  JJ didn't seem to mind though.

“Are you alright, though?” He asked, now glancing over to Rafe, who had stupidly stuck around, probably to bother you some more.

“She’s fine, she just tripped” Rafe answered for her, again, stupidly.

JJ already had a bone to pick with Rafe Cameron, but to see him hassling some poor girl who clearly had no interest in him would have been icing on the fucking cake.  So he glared at the Kook before looking back at you.

“Are you alright?” He asked you again, his hand resting on the small of your back.

You could only manage a small nod, because he had very beautiful and very distracting blue eyes.

But when you turned back to Race, you swore you could have swung at him right then and there.

“You son of a bitch-!” You shot forward, about to slap him, or maybe grab him by the neck, you weren’t sure.  But before you could decide, two hands wrapped around your hips and pulled you away.

“Woah there firecracker,” JJ laughed at your outburst, then a bit by surprise. “Let’s not make a scene”

You ignored him, for once, trying again to lunge at Rafe, but two arms wrapped around your middle, pretty much trapping you in place.

And then you were being dragged away completely, because JJ was starting to get the feeling that you were more of a fighter than you seemed

“I swear to god Rafe, if you ever touch me again I will hit you with my car!” You screamed after him, despite JJ dragging your ass away from him.  “If you even look at me again I’ll do it! I will!” 

“Okay, calm down princess,” JJ hushed once he got you around a corner, away from the prying eyes of the Kooks.  

He finally released his hold on you, and despite really wanting to, you didn’t make a break to finish what Race started.  You stayed put in front of him.

“The hell was that about? He bother you often?” He asked, his hands on his hips like he was scolding you.

Well, he was scolding you.

“Often? Try every day.  It’s Rafe.  You know Rafe, right?” You scoffed.

It dawned on JJ that he didn’t know you all that well, which was odd, because your personality was bursting at the seams, and so far you seemed pretty cool.  For a Kook.

“Right,” He chuckled.  “Something tells me though that you’ve never tried to kill him before” 

He was still laughing, and your brows furrowed, before you crossed your arms.

“Are you making fun of me?” You asked, making him laugh more.

“I mean, you’re kinda hilarious”

“Hilarious? You think I wouldn’t hit that asshole with my car? Because I will- I’ll run him down-”

“I believe you, I believe you,” JJ cut you off before you could say anything too incriminating.  “You’re just, a Kook, is all” 

That didn’t seem to help, as now you were leaning back against the wall you were standing at, and your brow raised.

“And what makes you think that makes me any less murderous, hm?” 

He laughed, and was about to say something stupid, probably.  Some off handed flirty remark that usually worked on the girls around The Cut, but before he could pick one of the lines, a security guard was grabbing him by the back of his vest.

“You’re not a server here, are you?” The large man asked.

“Ooh, tough question.  Am I serving the people? Yes.  Am I being paid? Unfortunately not.  I’d like to have a discussion about a raise though!” 

“Alright, can it Maybank” The guard muttered, not amused one bit by JJ’s clever banter.

You watched with great amusement as JJ was dragged away, similar to the way he’d just dragged you away from Rafe.

“Doesn’t feel too good, does it?” You called with a shit eating grin, following next to the guard.  

Darryl was his name, he always worked the Midsummer Party.

“I like you.  We should hang out” JJ replied smoothly.

You giggled, and tapped Darryl on the shoulder.

“You can let him go, he’s with me” You said in your sweet Kook voice.

“This guy?” Darryl asked, looking down at JJ unsurely.  “Thornton and Cameron just told me he was causing some trouble-”

“Don’t pay them any mind Darryl, they’re just jealous,” You replied, and wrapped your arm through JJ’s as casually as you could manage.  “You know they’re always up to no good” You added for good measure.

The guard still seemed unsure, eyes sliding between you and JJ.  Something didn’t add up.

But he wasn’t paid enough for this.

“He’s your date now?” He asked, mostly because that’s what he would say when inevitably some high ranking Kook got upset at the presence of a Pogue at their party.

“Sure is” You replied confidently.

And just like that, he was heading off, not bothering to ask any other questions.

You grinned, and pulled your arm out of JJ’s.

“So, you want to hang out now?”

___

a/n this was longer than I planned but I like it :3

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Three Caballeros Moments: Ride of the Three Caballeros Epilogue!

Salduos Amigos...and Adios, as this is the FINAL part of my 20 part look at those happy amigos, those snappy chappies in matching serapes, those birds of the feather, THE THREE CABALLEROS, THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABALLEROS! Yes after 19 other articles, all paid for by megafan and patron of the blog @weirdkev27​, it’s time to bid our boys a fond farewell.  And what a ride i’ts been... we’ve had trips to Bahia, animaton sequences requiring a LOT of 1940′s cocaine ,Jose reinacting the plot of “Come a LIttle Bit Closer” by jay and the americans but ironcially not in the Badman Jose roll,, a less happy reunion where Donald went full vanilla ice for a few moments, Panchito giving us his long and storied family history in song form, Donald needing a vacation after his girlfriend punched him in the face and instead getting eaten by a giant snake, FLAMENCO MASTER HORACE HORSECOLLAR, Soccer with super cars, and our heroes having a warm and fun reunion and having to admit their lives didn’t turn out so good while Dewey jacaksses around in the subplot.

 And all of this lead into their very own series where our heroes met a goddess and wayne knight all in the same day, defeated THE MIGHTY MINOTAUR, got into a giant robot fight on the fucking moon, meeting the roman gods who live on and tend to the norse world tree for some reason, preventing a stupidly started lava apocalypse, going to goblin jail via song, meeting some literal dead presidents, chasing a bear around a fancy rich people town, getting into the ch-ch-chalk zone, fighting a wrestling match against the respresntive of the god of death, dying and coming back to life as a result of said wrestling match, going to camelot to train with king arthrus’ self helf book, going to a yeti spa and finally returning for one last battle with an evil wizard, his pet monkeybatdonkeyrat, and wayne knight, and have to put up with Donald’s shrill abusive ex girlfriend through about half of it. All in all good stuff and i’ll always be greatful for kevn funding this and giving me the chance to both finally watch legend and in general cover these wonderful characters. While i’m sure Panchito and Jose wil lbe back for the big finale of Ducktales, I’m gonna miss these guys and hope they get another shot at the big time one day. 

But Kevin had a great idea, one I decided to do for free since this thing cost 100 dollars together as it was a movie, and 20 episodes of television, so it was a LOT to do.  Fun but a lot of work. A top 12 list of the best moments from across the works covered for this retrospective. From the movie to the series, these are the best of the best moments of the best boys around. So without further adeu join me under the cut as I throw one hell of an after party for one hell of a ride.

12. The Cold Blooded Penguin (The Three Caballeros (Movie) )

This one is low because it doesn’t exactly involve the boys at all as this was a short in their movie. But what can I say, I love penguins, especially Opus.

And the charming tale of a pengy named Pablo who has trouble with the cold and wants to head off for warmer climates just never ceases to entertain me. It’s adorable, pretty funny and just a nice little start to the film every time I watch it. Especially his friends with the sleepy, depressed eyebrows. Really relate to them, especially the tall one with a ponch, aka me as a penguin.  Not much else to say hence why it’s so low, but I really enjoyed this short and can’t help but put Pablo on the list.. and wish he’d gotten a nod in Legend, but then again given we weren’t given a second season they were probably just saving him. 

11. Charon’s Fabulous Cruise (Legend of the Three Caballeros) Another Cabs free entry but I Just love this concept: Charon, ferryman of the river sticks.. deciding since he’s not getting as many customers to turn it into a cruise ship complete with add. IT’s low both because it dosen’t involve the boys and it dosen’t take up much of it’s episode.. but damn if it ain’t funny. And Jim Cummings just brings his all to it.. granted HE always does, the man’s a legend for a reason, but dosne’t make his performance any less lovely. WIsh we got a second season just so we could see this guy again among other reasons. 

10. You Don’t Get a Vacation You Take it (Legend of the Three Caballeros)  Wayne Knight as Sheldgoose.. was easily one of the best parts of Legend of the Three Caballeros. While the show itself was fairly high quality it’s other main villain Feldrake eventually fell into just calling Sheldgoose a moron and hitting him as his only character. IN contrast while at first apperance Sheldgoose was just a rich asshole with hair that looks like a bad toupe but apparently is his actual hair and what he choose to go with and a hell of a moustache.. and while that’s all true, he’s also cunning and manipultive, often making Feldrake’s plans work simply by using clever manipulations. He’s funny, enaging and the sadest part of no second season is not getting more of this guy. Hopefully he’ll show up in another.. even the comics using him without Wayne Knight’s Dulect Tones would be nice. He’s a good villian and would fit just as well in the classic comics being either a snooty nuisance to donald in some way, or being a rival fro scrooge, also being rich but his family having earned it by stealing from others.  But for now what we got ain’t bad and hte best example of just what sheldgoose is capable of is also his first bit of contirbuting more than as a set of hands for feldrake, phrasing. His vilian song. Yes Wayne Knight FINALLY gets a villian song. Your very welcome. 

The song is just fun, a Luau type song with a sinster undercurrent and wayne knight just having a hell of a time, alternating between speaking and singing> It’s low on this list because i’ts an OKAY song, i’ve seen better villian songs, I just really liked this one, and because it dosen’t exactly involved the boys, but I still hold to my convictions in putting this one on here.

9. Panchito Romero Miguel Junipero Francisco Quintero González (House of Mouse) Only House of Mouse entry, and suprisingly it’s not Donald squeaking “And i’m donald duck!” , which has been burned into my brain for a few decades. No it’s the groups OTHER song in there second apperance on the show Not So Goofy, sung by the incomprable Rob Pauslen. While I sitll think he was easily the worst Jose of the bunch, and that the roll never should’ve been given to a white man to begin with, credit where it’s do: he wasn’t a have bad panchito. He only voiced everyone’s faviorite rooster, suck it Foghorn Leghorn, once, for a song, likely to capatalize on the fact Paulsen was famed for Yakko’s World and other songs where he sang a lot at once, but boy did he make a meal of it. Observe.

The song is lightly hampered by the fact it also uses his version of Jose which is probably the worst work i’ve heard from Rob. And given it’s the only roll i’ve heard of his that wasn’t very good and he’s still VERY CLEARLY trying his best, that says a lot to the guy’s quality. And im not saying all this to avoid backlash, I stand by what I say and how I say it.. i’m saying it because I truly love and respect the guy this just was not his best work. This song however is Rob on full blast, using his ablitlity to talk fast no matter the voice to give us one heck of a lively performance and name for Panchito, one that was reused for Ride of the Three Cabs though sadly minus the song, as I would’ve LOVED to hear Jamie Camill belt this one out. But the lively animation and liveleir performance earn this one a spot.

8. Baia, Donald (The Three Caballeros) For this one i’m squishing three different but related parts of the movie together: The “Have you been to Baia, Donald” song, the train trip there and the awesome musical number at the end. But all three flow together as one great sequence with the frist two serviing as a fun prelude for a fun sequence as Donald and Jose try to woo a lady named Yaya, played by Aurora Miranda, and get into a big and fun dance number that for the time is AMAZINGLY blended with the live action work. The song is an utter ear worm, the seqeunce is fun and it lacks some of the creepiness Donald’s later session of flirting had and the colors are vibrant as hell. Wonderful, beautiful stuff. It’s really hard to talk about as not a lot happens in it other than a fun bit of song and dance.. but sometimes tha’ts just waht you need: a bunch of actors, two of which were animated, moving and groving to a heckuva beat. 

7. I Love You Guys (Legend of the Three Caballeros)  This was just a very sweet moment but one I treasure. The Cabs beat a giant horrifying rage beast.. by genuinely apoologizing to donald, telling him they love him then having a group hug. After a full episode before this of them just kinda ignoring what he cared about, Xandra and the boys genuine apologies and Donald genuinely telling them “I love you guys” and realizing for the first time in his life he’s genuinely loved and appricated. It just feels so fucking nice. Shame they didn’t you know.. end the Daisy plot with him realizing he dind’t need or or that he wasn’t angsiting over a selfish goldigger in the first place but hey, you take what you can get sometimes and the getting is good here. 

6. The Cabs Song .. in Comic Form! (The Three Caballeros Ride Again!) 

Another fairly quick one to talk about but one’s that damn impressive. The Three Cabs ride again is a wonderful story that reunites our birds of a feather for an adventure in mexico.. and one of it’s two best moments, the other one way further up from Don Rosa’s classic, seriously check it out it’s good, is when the boys, to distract their enemy for the story, play their classic song.  Musical numbers.. are hard to pull off in comics. As Linkara, comic critic and one of my inspirations check him out on youtube he’s really fantastic, has mentioned quite a bit not having the sound to go with it is an uphill battle. But i’m not as against this as he is.. as long as you can convey the ENERGY of said song and perofrmance in the page. As long as you got that, you can pull it off and boy oh boy oh boy did Rosa ever. While it’s only about a page and a half long it’s just a fun, wonderful litlte sequence, from the crowd that has no reaction til lthe end when our big bad clubs them with the guitar, to our heroes swipining tablecoths to seve as serape to Donald falling outside, it’s one of the highlights of an alreayd impressive story. 

5. Jam Session (Ducktales, The Town Where Everyone Was Nice!) 

Only one Ducktales moment but it’s a keeper to be sure and now I HAVE seen Legend... I can say as I did there Jamie Camil REALLY shoudlv’e been kept as Panchito but “The Town Where Everyone Was Nice”.. really was still ag reat version of the characters and still kept them true. It wasn’t AS good as the Legend versions.. but honestly that’s fine. Not every version HAS to be good as the others and they were still wella cted, wonderfully animated and the story was great. And the moment that shows it off best is the boys quite moment after lunch, where they remincse, have fun, think about old times.. then hear a radio and slowly but surely have a fun dance number together, playing like old times. It’s this moment that makes me REALLY question why people hated this so much, as this one tiny moment captures the cabs chemistry and comrander in just two short minutes, Donald getting angry, Jose defusing int with a dance then him joining in, the three just jamming iwth whatever’s on hand and jose magically playing the fluit with his umbrella. I’ts all just so charming I love it. The end version of the three cabs IS really awesome, it just didn’t make the cut. Still liked it though.. but this.. this is better. Sometimes less is more you know?

4. The Three Cablleros Song (The Three Caballeros (Movie) ) Look you knew this was coming, I knew this was coming, we all knew this was coming. But the song is no less awesome, with fluid animation, wonderful vocals and lyrics, and an unberably catchy tune. It’s iconic to the characters, having popped up in four different renditions during this retrsopective, all of them pretty damn good, but no one tops the original.  Even the two more dated bits, some latin baby and Panchito having a gun solo, somehow don’t hamper what’s otherwise an iconic moment. It’s fun, it’s fancy free, and it establishes the boys dynamic perfectly, one that as we’ve seen would last a few lifetimes and probably will last forever. 

3. We Say So! (The Three Caballeros Ride Again) While Ride again is a VERY good story, it’s best moment is ironiclaly it’s end despite leaving you wanting more and more. After a fun adventure and a laugh over it being for nothing really, our friends return to Jose’s job at a night club, which his manager, who understandably has issues with Jose choosing wooing ladies over actually doing his job sometimes, only gives him back because it’s a big night but needs a big act. The first touching moment here is the fact the boys pitch in without being asked because hteir friend needs them. But the real moment is what happens after: The Triplets return from the hotel, still bemoaning as they did ealrier in the story that Donald has no friends and assume when they see him on stage and see him crash off it that he incited a riot.. only for his friends to assure him he’s a very fine fellow and they say so.. and in an instnat the boys realize donald DOES have friends.. and the best friends a duck can ask for. And after a lifetime of being spat on and barely winning.. Donald gets an unquestioned victory, stnading proudly with his friends for a packed house who still want more while his nephews look on proudly. I say so.. and what I say is that this moment is one of Rosa’s finest and one of the most touching thigns the man’s ever written. 

2. This is Just Where I Came In (The Legend of the Three Caballeros) The Legend of the Three Cabs was excellent and it ended on one hell of a high. After a heck of a fight via callbacks that barely didnt’ make the list, our heroes rush in to stop Feldrake. their sorcerer nemisis,  from reviving.. only for it to be too late. He’s back in full and soon warps reality around him leaving the boys hometown of the New Quackmore insitute as a series of rubble, buildings and people clinging desperatly to both floating in a hell of a starry backdrop, the only chance to stop this from happenign to the world resting in our heroes. And it’s so we catch up with where the seires began: our three heros decked out in truly awesome armor, though why Panchtio’s is roman I have no idea, fighting a giant and mosnterious felldrake and while his deisgn in that form is eh, his threat is palpable and the fight is goregous and pitch perfect.. and only gets better when we catch up, as Xandra swoops in to save htem from the cliffhanger the series started with. It only isn’t up top because of tow reasons; I like the first moment better.. and the boys do fall in a magic pool of amulet juice and emerge with powers due to a character we just meet when they do so. It’s a bit of a cop out.. but even with it being a cop out and a dues ex machina of the HIGHEST order.. it dosen’t stop it form being awesome when our heroes emerge merged with thier amulets energies, in their signutre colors and whoop felldrakes ass with a revivied Xandra’s help and then nearly reseal feldrake before his being resealed, but in Sheldgoose, resotres everything and our heroes get a WELL earned bout of praise from the town and a fancy mansion and in donald’s case a new job. A specatuclar, tense and gorgeous finale to a wonderful series. 

1. Ride Em, Vaquero! (The Magificent 7 (Minus 4) Caballeros)  Look I know it sounds like a bit of a downgrade to go from a battle for the fate of the world to our heroes fighting a spoiled prince and a giant anaconda just to make it out alive.. but frankly this battle is more tense, has all boys showing off even better, and has a climax so awesome even saving the unvierse with suddenly gained magic powers can’t top it.  For the setting our heroes end up trapped in a lost city with the bad guy of the comic, Don Rosa’s second to last and his second of only two cabs stories, prepared to get away. But then Donald snaps, spurred on bya ll the shit he had to put up with back home,and TACKLES the fucking guy in his boat getting into one hell of a scrap. And if that wasn’t enough, what brings this to true glory is a giant Anaconda who shoed up earlier, popping up.. leading to Donald fighting our big bad.. WHILE BEING TANGLED UP IN A FUCKING PYTHON. 

What truly clinches this as the best of the best for me though is Jose and Panchito’s actions, with Jose fighting the guy off off donlad, and actually having his umbrella WORK this time, and while the bad guy gets the raft from our heroes.. he falls off a cliff. So how do our heroes escape.. simple .. PANCHITO LASSOS THE FLEEING SNAKE AND THEY RIDE IT OUT AS SEEN ABOVE THROUGH A POND FULL OF DANGEROUS CREATURES WHO ALL STARE IN AWE AT THE SIGHT OR FLEE.  You.. you just can’t top that. The awesomness, the teamwork, the sheer balls on panchito..i t’s all just so beauitful and sums up what the boys are about: Deft teamwork, camradire.. and doing utterly insane shit as only best friends can. 

So with that.. this ride has come to an end. As I said before and will say again, it’s been fun, easily the biggest project i’ve done so far, and easily one of my faviorites. I love these guys and geninely hope we see them again real soon. So before I go, i’d like to say some thank yous. I”d like to thank ALL of the talented people involved in the making of the original film, as there are way too many to mention as it was a package movie but without you lovely and mostly deceased people we’d never have these wonderful guys. I’d like to thank Don Rosa for bringing the boys back and better than ever and beautifully so AND returning to them again. I’d like to thank Henry Gilroy and Phil Walsh, who wrote the first and second house of mouse cabs episodes for bringing the boys back to the screen, as well as series creators Robert Gainway and Tony Craig and the MASSIVE pile of storyboarders for both episode.  I’d like to thank the people behind mickey and the roadster racers, while your episodes were not very good I am glad the boys got more screentime, i’d like thank Frank Angrones and Matt Youngberg for their wonderful versions of the boys and total respect to their legacy, and i’d REALLY like to thank Matt Danner for giving us a wonderful series and finally giving the boys a starring roll again. 

I’d also like to thank the MANY voice actors who voiced these wonderful characters, your beautiful all of you. To Donald’s voice actors for this retrospective i’d like to thank Clarence Nash, you absolute legend may you rest in peace, Tony Anselmo, may you keep on living please god we’ve lost a lot of good people lately don’t be one of them, and even Daniel Ross, who might not be the best Donald but he’s one of only five and you can’t take that way from him. 

For Jose i’d like to thank Jose Olivara, without you I don’t think we would’ve even gotten to the Cablleros as a group, Rob Paulsen, you tried your best and your still a winner in my heart, Eric Bauza, you genuinely were the best, and Bernardo Del Paula, who gave Bauza a run for his money and I hope returns in the role in the future. 

And finally for Panchito we have Joaquin Grey, again wouldn’t of had the rest without you man nice job, Carlos Alarzqaui, did the job and did it well, Rob Paulsen, gave us one hell of a song, Jamie Camill, the best around no one’s ever going to keep him down, Arturo Del Purto who while I prefer jamie.. still was excellent and I wouldn’t be mad if he returned again. 

And last but not least I’d like to sincerly thank @weirdkev27​. These reviews have GENUINELY helped me finacially since i’ts hard for me to find a job since I cannot drive and have a disablity, and thanks to htem i’ve been able to live comfortably and thanks to you in general i’ve been able to do what I love and get paid for it. You got me to do this wonderful restrospective, have been a genine support to the blog and a treasure to work with. Thanks man, your the best.  So with that, it’s time to ride off into the sunset. If the cabs get another apperance outside of ducktales, I will pick this up again... and wether it’s in a year or ten you bet your bottom peso they’ll be back. Who says so? I says so. 

[comicalsansa]

I just need to scream into the void for a minute, feel free to ignore this or whatever. Sorry for the lack of break, I can't figure out how to do it on mobile.

Y'ALL LIFTED THE MASK MANDATES AND EXPECTED UNVACCINATED PEOPLE TO CONTINUE WEARING MASKS ON THE HONOR SYSTEM WHAT THE FUCK DID Y'ALL EXPECT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?!

Come on, did anyone actually expect the portion of America that has been protesting masks and downplaying the severity of Covid to a) get vaccinated and b) continue wearing a mask off they didn't? Like, with how stupidly politicized (and I do mean stupid) everything with the pandemic has been, how the fuck does anyone have the nerve to be surprised at the fact that the hospitals are filling up?

People aren't vaccinated, and they aren't wearing masking, of course the new variant is going to spread like wildfire. None of the kids are vaccinated (because we need to make sure their immune systems can handle it, there's a reason why the usual vaccines are on a schedule), and people don't make their kids wear masks.

There are literally people protesting mask mandates for the schools in my state. What the fuck. Have they already forgotten how fast illness spreads in schools? Fuck, there've been times an individual school or two has shit down because so many people (kids and adults) got the flu, or norovirus. And this shit spreads even faster. Why on god's green earth would you want your kids to not wear a mask?

Like, I get that wearing a mask is really uncomfortable and makes communication difficult. The precautions that we have to take are absolutely fucking up an entire generation.

You know what else will fuck up an entire generation? Dying. Long term effects from a serious respiratory disease. Watching their family members die; rather, watching their family members go into the hospital and never come out because they aren't allowed vistors.

Given the choice between the two flavors of trauma, I would much rather keep the kids alive and uninfected.

We are learning as we go about all of this, that's why the information keeps changing. That's how science works. Numerous studies have shown long term effects in kids already, so while it may not be as serious (oh wait, the new variant is), who knows what effects this will have on them in 20-30 years?

You know what else had serious long term effects? Fucking polio. You know why we don't have polio in the US now? Because everyone had to be vaccinated against it for decades. Fuck, they were still vaccinating against it in the 80s, I know because I remember getting a tiny cup with a swallow of liquid for one of my vaccines as a kid.

You know what else has serious long term effects? Chickenpox. And I know older people will be like, "BS, I had chickenpox and I'm fine," or, "My parents took me to a chickenpox party to make sure I got it, and I'm fine." Yeah, you ever hear of shingles? You know why you need a shingles vaccine? Because you had chickenpox. That's right, if you never had chickenpox you can't get shingles.

Point is, who the fuck knows what this is going to be doing to survivors 20-30 years down the road and if you gave a shit about your kid, you wouldn't want them to get it.

And I'm so pissed off because you know what? I fucking hate wearing a mask, too. I hate it. I don't care what the nurses with pulse oximeters say, I cannot breath as well with two layers of fabric covering my face, especially not for hours at a time (fun fact, pulse oximeters are not an accurate indicator of whether or not you can breathe as it takes time for an oxygen shortage to hit your blood--i know this from experience as an asthmatic). Everyone covering their faces and the plexiglass and paranoia and shit has been driving me nuts, I can't fucking live like this either. That's why I wore masks and got vaccinated as soon as I could, because the ONLY way this stops is with vaccines. And yeah, we're going to need boosters, we were always going to need booster shots, almost every vaccine we have requires more than one dose. And we had a period of time where cases were hella low and if you were vaccinated you didn't have to wear a mask and it was so great!

But some of you dumbfucks didn't want to get the vaccine because a) you didn't think Covid was a big deal b) it's made from aborted babies (I want to punch you if this is your objection) c) the vaccine is too new, they rushed it (it was in the works since SARS and they tweaked it, also the flu shot is new every year, your point?) d) it's the mark of the beast! (If you believe this or spread it please exit the gene pool) or e) we don't know what's in it! (This and a especially bothers me from hospital workers, who are required to get an annual flu shot).

There is exactly one valid reason to not get the damned vaccine and that is if your immune system can't handle it. So if you have a serious health condition that weakens your immune system or you're allergic to a vaccine component, you are absolutely off the hook, and none of this is directed at you. You're one of the ones who needs the rest of us to do our part to survive this, and I am so sorry.

And people keep screaming about my freedom! Look bitch, your freedom ends when it impinges on mine, and you are sorely impinging right now. You have the freedom to do what you want with your body, but not with other peoples. If you want to get Covid, fine. But you do not have the right to spread it, which is what is going to happen if you get it. Vaccinations used to be mandatory. You still need to get vaccinations if you travel to certain countries. If you join the military you are going to get injected with every vaccine we know of and probably a few we don't. Vaccines are one of the things that make modern life possible.

I understand being skeptical, I mean, I would've preferred a bit more time and more studies before getting vaccinated. But I did it anyway because:

Widespread vaccination is the only way we get out of this.

The alternative is over crowded hospitals (which is starting to happen again) and just accepting people dying. Sure, death is part of life, but this is needless and overtaxing already broken systems.

If you have not gotten your vaccine and have no medical reason not to, you are part of the problem. You are the asshole on the zombie movie who gets bitten and hides it until it's too late and you become a threat to the rest of the party.

Stop being a dumbass and do something for other people for once in your miserable life.

I am tired of wearing masks. I am tired of all the pandemic protocols. I have done everything I can do, as have many others. But it's not enough. Everyone has to do their part.

If you want this to be over, instead of protesting, get vaccinated, it's a hell of a lot more useful.

[spaceskam]

follow up to this (ao3)

“Wait, start from the beginning.”

Alex let out a straight giddy laugh as he complied. He ended up skipping his programming fundamentals class in favor of pacing around Maria’s dorm to try to put together what the hell happened that morning. He’d done his best during Calc, but ended up being nothing more than a total waste of space trying to pretend he could think about something other than those lips and that tongue.

“Okay, so, I was sitting on the dresser, right? And we were just talking like normal and I was drying his hair and‒”

“I can’t believe he asked you to dry his hair for him and you thought he was straight.”

Alex pursed his lips for a moment and thought about. “Okay, but considering he’s a 5’11 baby, I feel like he’d have me do that if he was straight.”

Maria tilted her head back and forth as she considered it. “Okay, valid, continue.”

“So he just kinda stares at me for a moment and I was like ‘what are you doing?’ and he was like ‘I’m gonna go take my test’ and I told him to go and then he pulled me off the dresser,” Alex said, feeling flustered all over again as he thought about it. In the moment, it’d startled him due to the quick movement, but now it made his heart race for a completely different reason. 

“Like, by what? Arms, thighs, waist?” Maria quizzed, clearly trying to picture it in her mind. Alex giggled again and she just smiled at him.

“No, it was by my literal foot. I tried to kick him and he pulled me off by my foot,” he explained.

“And he managed to catch you?” Maria clarified.

“Yeah, he caught me and pulled me like real close, like, full-on chest to chest, I could smell his toothpaste and stale vodka kinda close,” Alex said. Maria gave an impressed look.

“Damn.”

“Right? And then I was like ‘hey, are you fucking with me because that’s rude’ and shit, but then he just kissed me.”

“What kinda kiss? Like, a peck or, like, the Notebook, kissing in the rain kinda kiss?”

“It was just a little peck,” Alex said, bitting down on his bottom lip as he played it over in his mind for the billionth time, “At first.”

“Oh my God.”

“I know! So, he gives me a little peck and then he pulls back just enough to make sure I was into and then I was just suddenly it was like all tongue and skilled shit that I barely knew how to follow and he was basically holding me up at that point because I think I was dying. Seriously, Maria, I know I don’t have much to compare it to, but he kisses like a fucking god,” Alex groaned, but he was still feeling fuzzy. She was smiling at him all the same.

“I bet, he’s got great lips,” she pointed out. Alex tossed his head back as he thought about them. They really were great. “So now what?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted, “I haven’t talked to him since it happened. He had a Chem test this morning and then he probably took a nap while I was in Calc, so no time to talk. Then he should be getting out of Philosophy and heading to his Calc class right now.” Maria snorted, shaking her head.

“You have his schedule memorized?” she asked.

“Well, yeah,” Alex said like it was obvious. Maria pressed her fingers to her lips.

“I don’t have my roommate’s schedule memorized,” she said, biting back a teasing laugh, “I don’t even know her last name.” 

Alex shrugged again. She knew that he was weirdly close to Michael and that he posed as some sort of caretaker, but she didn’t really know the extent. He didn’t want to share that he washed his clothes and pulled him out of bed and packed his backpack. He knew from an outsider perspective, he sounded like a pushover, but he wasn’t really ready to face that fact.

Instead, he’d much rather focus on the fact that he’d been kissed.

“Oh, you’re such a goner,” Maria laughed, “But he really hasn’t even texted you?”

“No,” he admitted, pouting slightly as reality slowly began to seep in, “What if he doesn’t actually feel the same and he just kissed me for no reason? What if it makes things weird? Or, worse, what if he moves out because he did it while he was drunk and he’s embarrassed?”

“Okay, now you’re just overreacting,” she teased, “I’m sure he’s just busy with school.”

“Knowing him, his phone is probably dead,” Alex said, blowing out a breath of air, “I’m kinda scared to go back to my dorm.”

“Why?” she scoffed.

“Because what if he doesn’t come back?” he pointed out, “He goes and gets plastered every night. What are the odds he’s going to actually come and have an adult conversation with me?”

“Oh, honey,” Maria said, “You expect a boy like that to have an adult conversation with you?” 

Alex stared at her for a moment and painfully realized she was right. There was no adult conversation to be had. They kissed, it was good, but that was probably it. Maybe it would happen again, but the chances were that he would be confused the whole time.

“I’m stupid for liking him, aren’t I?”

“It happens to the best of us.”

-

Sure enough, Alex was right. Michael didn’t come back after class.

Instead, he stumbled in at 2 in the morning, bringing the strong scent of weed with him and waking him up in the process. Alex didn’t show any signs that he’d woken up because he didn’t really want to speak to him again until he was sober. He knew he wouldn’t be getting the benefit of an adult conversation, but he could confront him Michael knew where he stood. 

And where he stood was this: stupidly in love with his roommate who he’d known for, like, two months and had already become his mother.

“Hey,” Michael said, voice soft as though he was trying to be quiet despite the fact he was literally right beside Alex’s bed. Alex tried not to react, keeping his face to the wall and staying still as he felt Michael touch his shoulder. “Hey, Alex, wake up.”

“Why?” he asked tiredly, “It’s two in the morning.”

“Prime time for talking,” Michael decided. That caught Alex’s attention and he rolled over, facing the man who was just high enough to look at him with a sweet smile. 

“Talking?” Alex asked, rubbing his fist against his eye, “You wanna talk about why you kissed me?” Michael searched his face with his bloodshot eyes, smile falling just a little bit.

“Thought you didn’t mind.”

“I don’t,” Alex yawned, “I do mind that you proceeded to ghost me for 18 hours after.”

“I didn’t ghost you.”

Alex pushed himself up onto his elbow and scoffed, “Oh, yeah? What do you call it when you kiss someone and then ignore them until you’re high again?”

Michael didn’t answer, just stared at him for a moment. It had Alex questioning why he even woke him up in the first place. Clearly, all he wanted to do was stare at him. Or maybe he was high enough to think this was a successful conversation. Alex wouldn’t put it past him.

Before Alex could tell him to go to bed, however, Michael leaned in for another kiss. His breath wasn’t great and the tip of his nose was fucking freezing where it pressed in beside Alex’s, but the idea of pulling away seemed beyond his better judgment. Because Alex was sleepy and desperate and he couldn’t seem to think of a reason not to kiss most boys back, much less this one in particular.

Michael’s hand reached for his face after the first, closed-mouth kiss, using it as leverage as he pushed himself up onto his toes to get in a better one. Alex could feel his heart picking up the pace and something low in his stomach turned as he parted his lips first this time. Michael smiled at the sensation and tilted his head, placing one open-mouthed kiss on his lips that seemed to only serve the purpose of catching Alex’s bottom lip between his teeth. He pulled back, bringing Alex with him just a little and just smiled at him when he let go. That’s when Alex should’ve stopped it, should’ve said, “you can’t just seduce me like that” and sent him to his own bed.

But, instead, he grabbed the back of Michael’s head and pushed his tongue into his mouth despite the fact he tasted like pot. If Michael was going to act like that, Alex was going to at least get something out of it.

So, they stayed in that uncomfortable position, Alex’s hand in his hair and kissing him feverishly. Michael kissed back with just as much desperation, his inebriated state causing him to make little content, desperate noises over and over. Each time Alex tugged on his hair or held him in place to kiss him harder or did something that should’ve been gross or sloppy but felt hot in the moment, he’d make those little noises and it was driving Alex insane.

Michael was trying hard to get closer, all but balancing on the edge of Alex’s bed by his chest and hands. It made it sort of hard for him to breathe and yet he still never stopped kissing him, choosing that over breathing. Alex moved his hand to his bicep, squeezing it as he pulled away slightly.

“Okay, you are basically panting into my mouth right now,” Alex whispered, “And that’s really only hot when you’re wearing less clothing.”

Michael blinked hard, seeming to marvel at him with a look that again had Alex feeling like it was a glitch. If he had any sort of faith that Michael liked him that way, he may have even considered it to be lovesick.

But then, in the blink of an eye, Michael hoisted himself up and scrambled onto the bed. Alex couldn’t help but laugh as Michael squished into the small bed with him, moving in for another kiss which he accepted willingly. His hand stayed in Michael’s hair and Michael’s hand went to his waist, legs interlocking as they pressed close. He wasn’t sure if it was required since the bed was so small or because he just wanted to be that close.

They kissed for awhile, kissed until fatigue started taking over again, kissed until Alex was too tired to kiss back. That in itself was strange. He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever been that comfortable. And, technically, this whole thing made him anxious because he had no idea what Michael wanted. But here he was, falling asleep.

“Hey,” Michael whispered, placing a hand on his cheek and smoothing out one of his eyebrows. Alex lazily opened his eyes to try to stay away for him, but he was tired and the feeling of Michael’s leg in between his was possibly his new favorite comfort method and his eyes closed right back. “I’m sorry I’m fucked up. I don’t wanna fuck you up.”

Alex hummed in response, fading even more until he was asleep entirely. Still, Michael pressed a kiss to his forehead and held him.

When Alex woke up the next morning, Michael had already gotten up and gone to class all by himself.

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

I hope now people can see the real Courtney. Her defense of MM may be the thing that FINALLY makes people stop ignoring how problematic she is. She also threatened to seriously sue and take legal action against a young girl’s CL fan page. And she doesn’t seem to care about her old friend Kat Bjelland who had so much to do with Courtney getting into music in the first place. No expression of condolence at all for Kat’s health issue.

Real Courtney has always been problematic, whatever real Courtney is. Listening to her is a mix of liking *some* parts of her, disliking less favourable ones and deciding what to ignore. Courtney fans were used to that, so that’s why they’re more forgiving and not cancelling her immediately every time she says something incredibly stupid.

Idk about suing CL fanpage, she’s stupid for saying so but i understand she didn’t sue her finally? Threats are pretty fucking stupid and she’s not the best of a person but i wouldn’t say it’s so important if she didn’t sue. 

I heard Courtney Love confirmed Kat Bjelland is sick. I don’t observe her or any other celebrities on Instagram on anywhere else, last time i was updated on her stuff was when she released You Know My Name. Sure it may look shitty she don’t say anything publically but we don’t know how’s behind the scenes, maybe she’s in contact with Kat privately. We cannot check this. Kat Bjelland additionally has been private with her problems and if her sister hadn’t posted about it, we probably wouldn’t know cause she seemingly doesn’t post about it herself. And to be honest, i understand her not posting anything now. What do you expect her to post? “My friend Kat is dying, rip Kat love youuu” when Kat is still alive? That’s equally stupid. And with all respect to Kat but i always impression that Kat didnt want to have anything to do with Courtney and always remained pretty bitter even though Courtney wanted to make up with her in early 00′s. They were making up and not talking a few times, i had an impression they’ve long since fallen out and grown out of their ties. I wouldn’t try to reach to Courtney for help out of the blue if i was in her position either. I don’t think Kat reached out to anyone, not wanting to bother people.

It’s not about stupid Instagram posts that matter, it’s real life action you take or not. I find it odd how nobody tries to help Kat, if money is needed, certain people could donate at least a few hundred coins if you know what i mean. We’re normal people but 90′s rock stars who somehow made it and don’t work in hot dog stands now could easily donate some money. Idk how much people make, I don’t know prizes of liver transplant in America however. Maybe Kat is not able to be saved adn that is that. 

I’m from Poland and i know Poland is considered low, barely functioning country that is practically an offshoot of Russia by some of more ignorant Americans, but let me tell you, our country pays for healthcare, as long as you have any basic insurance. If very special treatment is needed, people will donate to various foundations when treatments costs millions.  If she was in Poland (and if they managed to find her an organ to transplant, which lets remember isn’t that easy since it literally is dependent on death counts and organ quality), country would pay for the fucking transplant. I’m not an expert on that but if they pay for treatments, operations, prosthetics, cancer treatment and everything else, i can’t imagine they suddenly don’t pay for transplants here. If that’s the problem with money. If that’s an issue with Kat’s health that won’t allow transplant even if she had money, then ofc that’s horrible that nothing can be done, i wish it was revealed in third stage of illness when she had more chances.\

Idk what to think of her and Kat cause idk if they’re in contact and seriously? It would 100% be more meaningful for them to be in private contact, not Courtney posting regretful plastic Instagram messages for the public to see. It’s not about what public thinks or wants, it’s about Kat. I doubt she needs Courtney’s posts on Instagram right now.

MM case is different, cause she goes on public tirades to protect the fucker and turns into a total hypocrite. I’m aware MM is a master manipulator at this point and Courtney might’ve been manipulated into trusting him to, but if she don’t care to look around, read and see what’s going on, then that’s on her and she’s digging her own grave in people’s eyes. True feminist, yeah right.

Not saying she’s not a mean bitch or doesn’t behave selfishly and stupidly at times, i’ve always been aware of this. I’m not stupid to think she’s all cuddles and empathy. I don’t fucking care if she hit Kathleen Hanna - Courtney said Kathleen said a disgusting thing about Frances, Kathleen said Courtney hit her for no reason - i don’t know what was the real reason; they didn’t like each other, there was a fight, i don’t care. I treat her ignorant homophobic or racist jokes as drug induced ignorant shit she said, cause other times she’s proven to be supporting LGBT and black people. 

I think everybody sees she’s problematic and nobody says she always behaves right. But call her cruel when you know 100% she doesn’t care for Kat, not just cause you don’t see her posting it on Instagram. Unless you know something we don’t know.  I’m not playing a devil’s advocate, i’m conflicted with what i think of her right now, but you already know what i think of being indifferent to Kat accusation

Drag her for protecting Manson, sure - it’s been proved its her who posts from lilacs20. 

And no, i’m not really a fan of a person Courtney Love is these days. That’s all i have to say now.

[nanabrainrot]

Is there anyway you can write a NSFW with Arthur? Like him coming back from being in Arkham and the reader noticing how more confident and rough he is now than he was before ? 💖

Of course! Here you go 😙 I made the reader a bit obsessive and unstable hope u dont mind uwu. This is a female reader but after practicing if you’d like a male version I can oblige! Sorry this blog is moving a bit slow my university is being a pain and I’m trying to do a lot at once! I hope u all understand please enjoy this work 💖 sorry for the wait again!

Arthur Fleck x F!Reader

Prior To

When Arthur was taken away, you knew well within you this would not be your last goodbye. Arthur was no Einstein, that may be true, but he was smart in a different way. Apparently, he was smart enough to escape Arkham Asylum, which you found out at about 4:44am, hearing some slunking around in your living room and nearly pissing yourself in fear that no one lived with you for some months and there was a burglar. You rolled over, onto Arthur’s side of the bed for the first time in a few weeks, and reaching a cautious hand under your bed to slip out a recently purchased metal baseball bat. You were no heavy hitter, but living alone was a frightening situation in Gotham, so a bat was a common household item to the solitary Gotham dweller.

The burglar, as far as you heard, was humming in your living room. Cocky asshat, you thought, stomach churning at the thought of facing some psycho outside your bedroom door. You heard them plop heavily on your sofa, lowly singing the lyrics to “Lollipop” by the Cordettes as they turned on a M*A*S*H special. “Is this cocksucker really holing up on my couch? Out of every couch in Gotham...?” you whispered so low you could barely hear yourself. People rarely spoke to you, no less ever heard you mention your spare key over your door frame in the hall; be it a risk, but there had to be a spare, in case at some point, at any point in your hopeful heart of hearts that Artie came home. You didn’t take him being taken away well, of course you cried hard, same as you wept when he confessed he killed three men on the night rail, when you watched Murray Franklin mock him, when you knew a part of Arthur was lost and would never be recovered, or, as some part of you thought, that this sick rendition of Arthur Fleck was a horrible facade of what he was meant to be. And that you foolishly fell for a man that was shy and sweet, and stayed in love with the very man who became the opposite.

Before he left to go to the Murray Franklin Show, you made love, as you stupidly called it. When he touched you, you could feel he loved you, adored you, was enamoured with the curve of your neck as his hand tightened around your throat, as he fucked you raw in the doorway where he killed Randall (where you told him to shower and bleached the tile and cut raw flesh the first time and spit in the garbage bag you put him in for pestering your Arthur, your sweetheart Artie). He was growing into himself more. After he left for Murray, you were not there to see the end result of Joker. You still refuse to call him by that name. You may love Joker, but he was not the man you fell in love with years ago. That was a special love. That was a love you often hoped to feel again.

The bat was cold in your grip, your hands brandishing it so tightly your knuckles were scary white. You could kill a man if you wanted. You had never laid a hand on anyone. The only sick thing you ever did was be an accomplice for Artie. You didn’t feel much when you put a meat cleaver through Randall’s thighs, grunting with stress as “I Love Lucy” blasted through the apartment, a little lower in volume than Arthur singing in the shower, “I’m singing in the raaaiinnn!” You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted —

SLAM

The door was wide open and you burst into the living room, bat behind your head, ready to concave some sick fuck’s skull, but, of all things, you were not ready to see him. Him of all people. Your Arthur Fleck of every man in Gotham to sit, unphased, legs wide and bearing some random sweats you’ve never seen him wear, gray and outlining his semihard cock. His shirt is tossed on the back on your new sofa, an addition to your redecorating of your apartment since he left — was taken from you, he didn’t leave, he’d be crazy to fucking leave you of all people.

You stood there blankly. The stance of a warrior with a bat behind their head was gone, replaced with a meek and lost person, calm arms just — holding a baseball bat there. Not a thought in your head had passed. Was this a dream? Another dream like that one almost every night where you pushed the thought of Arthur away all day to dream of him all night and wake up shaking at 4am again, sweaty and sniffling on a pillow wet with tears. When Arthur was taken, you wallowed in shitty pity for a week or two before literally forcing yourself to do anything but think of him, some things were unhealthy and scary but a lot of healthy hobbies came of it. You ignore the time you were so angry with the world that you sat in your room, thinking of a way to fucking murder Hoyt or go and buy a shotgun with your paycheck’s leftovers.

The bat clattered to the ground and you dove into his lap, leaping over your nice new coffee table, organized to the T with a nice assortment of magazines (hidden under the log cabin homes one were about 7 gun magazines. Fantasizing. Fantasizing), sending magazines and the clean ashtray (that was left unused for months without him) to the floor. He catches you, letting out a happy cackle, grabbing and jostling your bodies side to side as you hugged, nuzzling your head into his neck, gripping him so close you wish you would fuse together so you wouldn’t have to part.

“Someone miss me, huh?” he giggles, his hair in his eyes as you grabbed at his face to cup it and feel every inch of his skin — oh how you missed just looking at his handsome face all day long. “A little... or a lot. Okay, like a lot a lot,” you grinned hard at him, drinking up every bit of his face smiling back at you. You loved just feeling him which may have been a big part of why your separation made you so volatile. Every night you slunk into his arms, never more a foot away if you could help it, like a loyal dog. And then every night, as tired as the day made you both, you, no more and no less, made love. Every single night. Often in the mornings, a habit you never seemed to shake as you lived with that gnawing anxiety that he could die any day and you wouldn’t touch him before he left.

His hands, calloused and big, scraped as your sides, expressions softened and glazed with an emotion you recall seeing on his face often: love. Not lust as it was many nights, but love. It just looked... different this time. You understood in a way. Watched him become some weird alternate to what he was like when you first met, when you first made love, timid and quiet, in the dark to a scratchy love song on a record. Frank Sinatra’s “That Old Black Magic” as he panted in your ear then sloppily kissed you hard as he filled you with cum.

“Take this shirt off, dear,” he purrs, leaning back to watch you eagerly pull it over your head. Your new graphic tee is added to the pile of disgarded coffee table items, beside the gun magazine and covering the ashtray, and you sit on his lap, staring him down with a bare heaving chest like this desperation was truly comparable to dying if you didn’t ride his dick in two minutes to the T. “Shorts off,” he growls with a stupid smirk. You stand up, nearly tripping over the scattered items as you hurry to tear off the shorts. You stood there nude, eyes wild and hair ruined by your tossing and turning from another nightmare.

You didn’t move yet, didn’t climb into his lap for comfort after not just a long day, week, or month, but God knows how long. You just stared at him, nude, face lit only from the light of the television behind you, the laugh track ringing in your ears. You could look at Arthur for a week straight and it still wouldn’t be enough; so you stared at the dark brown hair that was a bit greasy, glossed over green eyes, the rough stubble that had some grays poking through, and relished in the fact that he was all yours.

“Can I take off your pants, Arthur?” you asked timidly. He grinned a broad smile at you and nodded, eyes following you slinking to your knees on the floor, shaking like a leaf, waiting to wake up at 4am in a lonesome bed as another rainy day taunts you with the knowledge another day passed without Arthur Fleck. Instead, the cotton of his sweatpants lulled down as your hands tugged it down, staring at his cock as it sprung upwards, his cheap boxers lowered with the gray sweatpants. You look up at him, the real Arthur, your real Arthur, and spit up a forced, “May I lick it?”

His hand strings through your hair and pulls your hair back, exposing the goosebumps on your neck, and grits a dark, “Beg first, baby.” And you do. You grovel at him with big pleading eyes, leaning your head on his right thigh, gawking at his pulsing cock and close enough that your breath hits it. “Please, Artie. I’m begging you to let me suck your dick. You can fuck my throat dry, cum in eye, whatever, let me suck it, Arthur, please.” It sounds like a weak, deprived sob when you say it, like a man begging for water after a week lost in the Sahara. When your eyes glance up, he looks down at you with such happy eyes you almost feel like this groveling is ingrained in you, an essential to your guide to loving Arthur Fleck: hand him the power. Give Arthur the leash and let him yank on it like a submissive dog, like he’s your fucking owner.

The sound of his feet removing themselves from the pool of fabric and you feel some force as he pushes your head back off him, leaving you sitting up and heaving like you’re on fire. He lies down, his head on the arm of the loveseat, the ankles of his feet on the opposite arm of loveseat. His hand is moving up and down his cock and he lulls his head to the left, to look at you and the television before licking his lips and prompting, “Suck it while you sit on my face. I’m just starving, babydoll.” And you oblige, eager to please, bumbling clumsily as you prop your calves against the arm his head rests upon and lower yourself, just a bit to stare at it, memorize it, recall the way it felt in and out of you in his red suit in the doorway before he was sent to Arkham. The memorization comes to an end when you feel a tongue lick from your clit to your hole. The groan leaves you before you realize this is real, this is realer than real, this wasn’t some sick dream that left you high and dry.

As he buries his tongue in you, you wrap your lips around his cock, spitting some saliva on it to wet it for you. Often, oral was a brief foreplay before you two couldn’t stand it and made brutal love, fucking like if you could get any closer you’d just become one and never have to be separate again. Unfortunately, feeling him burying his face in your folds and feeling him in your throat for the first time in so long, you popped his length out of your mouth and begged, tears in your eyes, “Fuck’s sake Arthur, please just shove it in me!” The waiting game always left you a sore loser.

He chuckles into your cunt, giving it one last, long lick, and instructing, “Ride me then. Ride me like the last time we did this, babydoll.” He meant rough. The last time you rode him you could practically feel your cervix bruising, hands so tight on his shoulders they were a hue of purple the next morning, and crying as you both made lengthy eye contact because a part of you felt that time would be the last time the man you fell in love with would be that close to you. It hurt to remember because, in that moment, you were right.

And now, you rode him, gripping his shoulders so hard they would be a purple hue the next morning, his eyes blown wide as his hand smacked your ass with a force that would leave the skin raw. When you took each other’s virginity years ago, he shook like an autumn leaf, still fragile to the touch and ready to crumple at any moment, and now you made love to a man that was fresh out of Arkham for a completely different reason. You felt your cervix being pummeled; the uncomfortable feeling of it fed into the reality, the vast difference of your fanciful dreams. You love him and he loves you, you love each other with the same love of an alcoholic loving his Grey Goose and at the same time the love of a woman and her garden. Tender and simultaneously implosive. And God forbid this beautiful disaster ever ends.

“I love you! I love you! I love you, Arthur!” you cry out, coming to the brink as he holds your hips so tight you fear he may break you and his hips ram into yours as the ending of the 2nd re-run of your television show plays in the back. “I missed you, babydoll,” he grins slyly, something devious in his eye as his grip tightened to a vice grip and his pace slowed, “and I missed this too.”

He cums inside you. The next episode’s opening plays. The deja vu hits you like a semi and this moment wakes you from a coma. (Bittersweet) You kiss him gently and he kisses you back gently. The first actually tender motion of the night. He loves you under the facade of aggression, as he fucked you like a dog trying to impregnate a bitch in heat.

That was the first of many differences when Arthur Fleck comes home.

When you wake up, it isn’t 4am, the bed isn’t empty, and the rain isn’t the boring drizzle but a raging lightning storm that the forecast predicts will run all day. As you stare out the window, Arthur’s grasp tightens as a sore reminder you both missed one another and you didn’t want to know who missed the other more because if he missed you as much as you missed him then you might as well cry until Hell freezes over. He can do whatever he wants to your body as a brutalizing reminder that you’d sift through years in purgatory if it means coming home to Joker Arthur every night.

Your Arthur isn’t the man he was and some days it is more okay than others.

[divine-noire]

Mononucleosis Awareness Post

So I caught Mono participating in Hot Girl Summer™ (jk jk lmao) but I did get Mono, and this shit is not a fucking joke. If you feel like you might have it, please go to the doctor. Over the past 4 weeks, I have been going through literal medical hell from complications. I’m gonna list the symptoms I’ve had and if you feel like you might have it, go get looked at. I thought Mono was something only horny ass teens got in high school playing spin the bottle, I’m 26 (27 next month) and was NOT expecting this shit at all.

Fatigue

My first symptom that something was wrong was fatigue. This is not normal, everyday fatigue. This is actually waking up and feeling like the world is ending when you take your first step, fatigue. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. While driving, I put my emergency break on at red lights because I was afraid I would fall asleep while at the standstill. At work, if there were no calls, my head was down (luckily, my boss is only here twice a week so I could get away with this). At home, I was in bed by 6PM and when you do sleep, it’s immediate. There is no gradual lulling off to sleep. It’s face-meet-pillow-meet-morning-alarm type of sleep. But I was still tired no matter how much I slept so I started using No Doze to counteract the effects. At first, it was fine, but even then, I still had the underlying fatigue. It got so bad, I drove over a friend’s house in Greenbelt, MD which is about an hour and a half away with rush hour traffic, using every bit of energy I had in my body to get to her, because she said she would take care of me, which she did. But by the time I pulled up to her house, I basically almost fell out of the driver side door when she opened it for me. That is not an exaggeration, that is the level of exhaustion I felt from just driving that far without sleeping. We thought I had the flu or something flu-like, so she gave me fluids and alot of Day & NightQuil. It made the symptoms lessen, but it never made them go away.

Sore Throat

At the beginning, my throat merely felt scratchy. This lasted for about 3 days, before I knew it, my voice was gone and my throat was in so much pain I gave up talking. The pain is not akin to Strep Throat, if you’ve had that before. It is actually worse. My throat was swollen as a symptom of the virus, but it graduated into its own infection of severe Tonsillitis. It was so severe that I actually began having trouble swallowing from the amount of swelling that it caused. I had to receive a steroid injection in my butt to counteract the swelling and start methylprednisone (which wasn’t strong enough and I had to go back for regular prednisone 20mg). I couldn’t eat anything without pain, so I stuck to drinking a lot of fluids and ice water. Ice water became my guardian angel because my throat was in a constant state of burning pain. I also grew exodus on the back of my throat, past my tonsils, as a result of the infection in my throat, and had to gargle salt water like crazy everyday to get them out. The exodus hurts, it is hard and feels like cement on the back of your throat and it makes the Tonsillitis 10x worse than it already is. I didn’t have a voice at all for 12 days, I had to use a dry erase board for all interactions (it’s quicker than typing on my phone.) 

Nausea

Now my case may be different because the doctors keep telling me my nausea shouldn’t have gone on as long as it did and that I need to go see a Gastroenterologist ASAP but that’s a different story for a different post. Nausea was my worst and most persistent symptom to date. The kind of nausea you may feel will be persistent. I woke up nauseous to the point of my mouth salivating as though I were about to vomit everyday for about 2-2.5 weeks. This never settled. There was never a time my mouth was not salivating, I had to begin keeping paper cups at my desk to spit the residual saliva into throughout the day because it never subsided. One day, I had a salad for lunch from Panera even though I wasn’t hungry, I knew I should try to eat something. (By this time, my throat had made some progress and I could swallow some whole things.) I immediately regretted that decision when I lay in bed at midnight holding my stomach like the world was ending. I was so nauseous that I couldn’t get myself together enough to even get out of bed. The thing that makes the nausea symptom so bad (for me) is that it never made be actually vomit, it just created the sensation of needing to. Eventually, I broke down and stuck a straw down my throat just to alleviate the symptom a bit and threw up the salad, and it didn’t even look like it’d been digested properly. That made the nausea go away for the night, and after that I gave up eating anything solid hoping that would prevent any future nausea, spoiler alert: I was wrong. My salivating mouth picked up right where it left off, it was as though all I went through the night before didn’t even matter. My stomach was empty and still nauseated. That night, the nausea was so bad that I just knew something was off and I drove myself to the ER (Note: I drive myself to the ER that is less than 10-minutes away all the time to save money on an ambulance, if you feel you are not safe to drive, dial 911, it is better to just pay the ambulance than cause an accident and make your situation worse than it already is.). When I got there, I was beyond exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, I just felt like I was dying. The doctor brought me back, took my vitals, asked the usual questions. I told him about the nausea, the Mono diagnosis, he said he wanted me to get a temporary room while he ran some tests. I got a room and a nurse came in and gave me a shot of Zofran for the nausea that did absolutely nothing. It was so bad that when he came back in, I asked for Ipecac or a straw to induce vomiting again. Alarmed, he said they wanted to avoid me vomiting and gave me an additional shot of Zofran. That helped that time, but I still just felt overall terrible. The doctor came in later and told me my potassium levels were extremely low, explaining the extreme fatigue and dizziness, that my liver was swollen from the Mono, and that the nausea was alarming and he would be admitting me for treatment. I was shocked that this virus had done such a number on me. My throat had even worsened and was now even more swollen and painful than it was before (I hadn’t gotten the 20mg prednisone script yet.). I spent 2 days with an IV in my arm, eating mushy foods and sleeping in the hospital. I had to take off work because I was in no shape to even drive there, let alone get anything done. After the 2 days went by, I actually felt back to my normal self! I was so fucking happy to exist and not feel like dying after weeks of wanting to that I went home and started cleaning my room. I had let it get atrocious from not feeling well or feeling like doing anything besides sleeping. Shortly after I began, the fatigue kicked in, the only symptom to never leave, and I sat my ass down and watched Rick & Morty with Sebastia and went to sleep instead, which was probably the safer bet. Fast forward 8 nausea-free days, and guess what’s back??? It’s tolerable now, but still an extreme nuisance. I get my Zofran prescription and it does didly fucking squat to alleviate the nausea. I call the Urgent Care that diagnosed me and ask if there’s anything stronger for nausea and they tell me all the stronger shit will have me bedbound and loopy. Bills gotta get paid so we can’t have that. So that night, in a moment of nauseous desperation, I took double the dosage of the Zofran to alleviate the discomfort. Now, I understand I shouldn’t have done this, but I was DESPERATE and afterward, I felt great. It was the first time the medicine had done wtf the doctors said it would do and the way it was supposed to: quick, fast and in a motherfucking sprint. So I stupidly called the Urgent Care to ask them about the nausea medicine again (I have such a good relationship with this UC for some reason, probably because I hate my primary.) and told them what I’d done the night before and that I was now out of nausea meds and needed a refill before it came back, which was all true. Jessica, the nurse I always saw, was alarmed and spoke to the doctor on duty there, and told them about what I did. Then they cut me off and said to go ask my Primary for the refill because I’ve been utilizing them way too much (long story short). But she also said that I shouldn’t need that much Zofran and something else is going on and I need to be seen by a Gastro. That $40 co-pay appointment is still pending. Andddd I’ve been nausea-free for about a week now, but as I type this, my mouth just began salivating so it looks like I’m gonna be dealing with that again soon. Fuck.

Dizziness

My dizziness didn’t come full force until about 4 days ago (Week 4). I was out at a shopping center getting groceries and while I was parking at a nearby Dunkin Donuts, the world legit started slanting. I felt like I’d been drugged all of a sudden. My skin felt cold and clammy, everything felt out of focus and I immediately needed to lie down. Luckily, it came right after I’d put my car in park and had the opportunity to put my seat back and do so. I waited about 10 minutes maybe, and then I felt ok enough to get out and go get some food because I thought I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten yet. Even standing in line and waiting for the food afterward was difficult. I had to sit down or else I’d fall down. I got back in my car and ate and laid down again, went back to the store to get eggs I forgot to grab before, and on the walk back to my car almost walked into another parked car. Of course, people saw and probably thought I was drunk or something. I was embarrassed but didn’t have the motor skills energy to explain the situation of feeling like I was in 2 bodies at once. This symptom has come and gone as it pleases, but luckily after a good 2-hour nap that day when I got home, I felt alot better. 

Poor Appetite

While battling this virus, I have lost 10 pounds and still counting in the past 4 weeks. While it’s great to fit into clothes I was once too thick to get past my thighs, it is not the way I wanted to lose the weight. In the beginning, I always felt full no matter what, which made me not want to eat, combined with the nausea, it made eating something I just wasn’t in the mood to ever do. This went on for weeks, which caused the weight loss. I learned later that my swollen liver pressing against my stomach is what caused the sensation of fullness, hence, not ever feeling like I should eat. Now, my appetite has returned, and I’ve been eating nothing but starchy, fatty nonsense my diet never would’ve allowed before I got sick. And even with all the newfound calories I’ve been non-stop digesting (seriously guys, pizza 5 days straight, bread bowls, bacon egg and cheese croissants, cheesecake, donuts...) I’m still shedding pounds. My Gold’s Gym Membership is gathering dust because I can’t go workout with my body still always in fatigue-mode and it’s probably just not kosher to do with this kind of virus. My mom said I should celebrate for now until it becomes a cause for concern later, but I think I should probably be concerned now since the earlier you find something out the better health-wise. I lowkey did some research and think I might have Hepatitis-C from the virus, which is curable, but sucks all the same if I’m right. I inherited my mother’s extremely poor immune system, so I really wouldn’t be surprised. I’ll post before and after photos of my weight loss separately, don’t want Tumblr turning me into the Face of Mono™ because of this post. 

Swollen Lymph Nodes

This was one of the lesser symptoms that went away by week 2-2.5. They are definitely sensitive and noticeable. I found that icing them alleviated a lot of the discomfort and made it tolerable, but overall, these were the least of my worries.

If you experience any of these symptoms or think you may have Mono, definitely get yourself checked out. They can do a rapid test at any Urgent Care or ER and let you know during your visit if you have it. This shit is not a joke. I’m still dealing with the symptoms right now and have no inclination of when they will be gone. The literature says anywhere from a few weeks to a year, I’m praying for the initial option but I have no way of knowing for sure. I say all this to say, pay attention to and know your body, guys. You only get one.