summertimemusician · 2 years ago
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No one:
Me, running on a full coffee thermos and zero sleep after a long day, after playing Hollow Knight to get a break from collecting figurines so both me and Link/Four won't go insane before rolling up to ruin Vaati's entire day and existence:
The Hollow Knight from Hollow Knight🤝 Breath of The Wild Link/Lu Wild 🤝 Original Attempted Calamity Hero
Thought to be a kingdoms final hope but due to circumstances outside of their control ended up idnavertedly heralding it's doom by either failing to defeat the evil/only sealing the evil for a time until it would inevitably break free to rampage again and either aiding in dealing with it or being unable to do anything about it/sealing it with their fall from grace.
The Hollow Knight from Hollow Knight🤝 Breath of The Wild Link/Lu Wild 🤝 Age of Calamity Link/ Lu Calamity : No Mind to Think No Will to Break No Voice to Cry Suffering, though to be fully emotionless/stoic but oh, they feel a lot actually but they're forced to hide and suppress it due to the expectation set upon them by their respective kingdoms in being their only hope against a great evil and so they're expected to just be a machine that gets the darned job done, probably needs a big hug a blanket and warm soup.
The Radiance 🤝 The Pale King 🤝 Hylia 🤝 Demise : Higher Beings with Thematic Parallels, something something "Maybe in another life I could have had your life and you mine" idk.
(Edited)
Hylia 🤝 The Pale King 🤝 King Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule : Idnavertedly condemning the people they love or care for to arguably a fate worse than death in an attempt to do the right thing in an extremely dubious manner to protect their subjects, No Cost Too Great. In true Deity fashion showcasing how being loved by one is dangerous on the case of the first two idk maybe it's just the mythology obsession rearing it's head.
Anyway, have a lot of thoughts about them. Discuss I guess? *Leaves without elaborating to get more coffee*
#Wild what the FUCK-#Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation but I kind of think I'm onto something#Maybe it's just me wanting to get back to writing the Breath of the Wild au's where everything is the same but The Hollow Knight is there#and BOTW Link/Wild gets himself a buddy and ally who he can massively relate to that ain't Wolfie and they both heal from their plots#Not dragging Wolfie he's the best boy still no worries#and then it segways into LU and Wild just rolls up to the Chain with this being that is both A Literal God and Void and Shenanigans ™ ensue#Twilight is probably chill because he already knows Hollow and is not too bad with dark magic#and everyone else is going#maybe Hornet and Ghost are in there too for flavor idk haven't worked on it in a while because Life#or the Au where Everything is the same but the previous Attempted Calamity is there as a ghost#and is like a feral overprotective but nice ancestor to Wild like how Time was to Twilight#Occasionally backseats if Wild is out of commission but hey he gets a free guide#even if the guide itself has no idea what he's doing#Then it segways into LU#Fia (OATCH) and Twilight have custody battles over Wild#Idk haven't gotten that far on that one either#These guys plus the Hero of Men and First kind of make me want to write an essay just to evict them from my head for a hot second#Because they're there rent free and I kind of need that thought space for other stuff#Hylia and The Pale King have a shocking amount in common with each other as does the Hollow Knight and BOTW Link/Link in general#In this Hollow Knight and LOZ essay I will-#Have a lot of thoughts about them and think about them a lot#legendofzelda#loz#linked universe#hollow knight#lu wild#lu calamity#lu twilight#Lu Fia (Original Attempted Calamity Hero)#the hollow knight
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whencartoonsruletheworld · 1 year ago
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so like. fnaf movie. after night five, all outside observers know is "this 30yo guy with severe anger issues + his 10yo mentally ill sister just walked out of his collapsing workplace with an unconscious, stabbed police officer, saying that someone inside the building tried to kill them but we can't get into the building to check. we went to their house and the aunt who was fighting for custody of the child is dead on the floor. the guy's career counselor is missing, as is his babysitter and her family and apparently they're all dead in the building we can't get into." and like. that all looks suspicious as FUCK however we know that in the few-weeks timeskip both mike and abby seem happy and fine so it's not like mike was arrested or anything. he seems to be more adjusted and is happily talking with her teacher so i doubt he's under stress of interrogation or anything
there's a lot of implications there that mike mighta pulled something but it's all circumstantial evidence at best. i'm sure in jane's autopsy and crime scene evidence they couldn't find any evidence of mike being the one to attack her, esp since it was probably just golden freddy bopping her in the head so they dont even have the weapon, and if she was strangled they'd be able to tell it wasn't by bare hands and they couldnt get prints or anyth. especially if golden freddy is a FULL ghost and thus left no trail.
mike would be smart enough to only tell the cops what they need to know without mentioning ghosts to sound crazy. abby might be more honest with the cops just bc of #autism but they'd be more likely to consider her talking about ghosts and imaginary friends as a child's way of coping, and they cant get anything out of her that would incriminate mike. ADD TO THAT that mike has wounds that are clearly defensive and is SUPER banged up and his wounds would likely match his story way better than evidence of him attacking anyone, AND that there's likely footage and witnesses of him being in the pharmacy and then driving to work (and thus not in the area to attack jane), AND if/when nessie wakes up she'll probably vouch for mike as well, and the cops dont have anything on him
though i DO wonder if they would have records of vanessa patching him up in the police outpost. if they do, that would also back up mike's story as it's 1) far away from the aunt jane crime scene, 2) confirms that he and vanessa were working together, so either she's complicit in Crime™ or his story is accurate and she was helping him save his sister. him going to defend her instead of calling backup is also consistent with his personality of getting triggered and jumping into action around child abduction, esp w/ his sibling in danger
considering what abby would probably say, AND the history of freddy's, it's likely that they would come to the conclusion of is "someone [likely the og kidnapper from the 80s] found out that the guy working at freddy's had a sister, kidnapped abby from her house while her aunt was babysitting and tried to recreate the crimes, his story of him and vanessa defending her and escaping vaguely checks out." whether or not mike would incriminate vanessa by mentioning her dad was the killer is up in the air, and there's obviously some huge holes that are left from nobody believing that there are ghosts in the building but that would probably be the eventual conclusion
but throwing that all away, it would be really, REALLY funny if the rest of the town, being really fuckin nosy and getting into the juiciest gossip they've had in decades, took one look at michael "big teddy bear falling asleep on himself" schmidt and said "there's no way. there's no way this guy murdered his aunt, stabbed an officer and then destroyed his own workplace, especially when he really needed that job and was on sleeping medication," and then turned around to look at abby "neurodivergent in the early 2000s (ableist af time period)" "vocally hates her aunt" "doesn't talk to anyone and claims that she can see ghosts" "vaguely possessive of her brother" "claims that she found the guy who hurt her friends and got him jumped by a cupcake(?)" schmidt and said "oh my god. it was her."
and nobody's gonna directly say anything but they've got cautious eyes on the situation and someone quietly slips mike a copy of the bad seed to see if he has a realization but instead he's just like "hey this book kinda reminds of that golden freddy kid lmao. wonder how he's doin" and then we smashcut to golden freddy kid poking springtrap with a stick
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bluecollarmcandtf · 3 months ago
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M O O N L I G H T ™
Pulling into the lonely gas station, my eyes quickly find what I'm looking for, a pair of blue lights emanating in the darkness. The glow is coming from the gas attendant's skull: clear indication that he's a Moonlight™ employee.
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"Good evening, sir," he says with the overly-endearing tone of a gracious host, "How may I be of service tonight?
I don't hide my distaste for the pathetic menial worker, leaning on his mop and waiting for my reply like he's got the best job in the world. He doesn't actually believe that. He doesn't even know what he's saying, let alone doing!
"Just fill her up," I grunt.
"You got it, sir!" he beams, tending to my car with a pep that's out of place for the late hour.
Moonlight™ was the app that revolutionized working culture forever. It allows the user to sign up for a job while they sleep. All they have to do is doze off and some insufferable AI from Moonlight™ will resume control of the body via remote connection. People like it because they get paid work without experiencing all the boring hours and insincere customer interactions. Subsequently, they always get the same unbearably eager personalities stuffed in their bodies. Even without the glowing eyes, their idiotic grins would make them stand out a mile away!
"How has your day been, sir?" he contines mopping as the gas slowly pumps.
"Don't try to chat," I snap.
"Of course, sir," he doesn't miss a beat, smiling as he returns his neon gaze to the sidewalk he's swabbing.
I just roll my eyes and wander inside. The app doesn't record memories while it's in control, so this guy has no idea how humiliated he should feel. No one should have a shit-eating grin on their face working the night shift as a gas station janitor! I'd die before I gave up my dignity to Moonlight™ like this fucking loser!
On the TV behind the register, an ad plays...
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The costumed man on the left steps forward and announces, "Join the revolution. There are over forty-two-million Moonlighter's taking advantage of their sleep! That could be you!"
The statistic makes me cringe. It's nearly doubled since the last time I checked...
The man on the far right of the screen happily taps in, adding, "We're constantly expanding our scope, so check with your employer! If your job doesn't already have a Moonlight™ option, then ask your boss to give you one!"
God, they're pressuring people now? Some jobs should not be done by an AI puppeteered Moonlighter...
Finally, the man in the center steps forward to deliver his lines, "Remember, Moonlighting is a safe and healthy way to not only make money but also get a good night's rest! Why work all day, when you can do it in your sleep!" his head turns, making it seem like he's smiling at either of his coworkers, "After all, we are!"
The three men laugh in unison, like true colleagues chumming up at work, but I know the truth. These three are worse than actors, they're empty marionettes for the Moonlight™ corporation. I doubt they'd ever even met each other in real life...
"Shut up!" I groan, smashing the power button to turn it off.
This world is going to shit. Moonlight™ has grown too large over the past year for there not to be some conspiracy or ulterior motive. I don't know what it is: the elite keeping the working class in their place, our government influencing our decisions, a foreign country converting us into their slaves! It all sounds crazy, but I don't think a single theory is impossible with an app like Moonlight™.
I'm the only one probing into this mess. I may have only worked as a detective for a few years, but I never did any of it fucking asleep!
A few days later, I track down my first lead...
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"Good morning, sir," the garbage man says in that unnaturally smooth cadence they all have, "Is there any trash you need collected?"
"I just have some questions," I snort.
One hand pulls the hem of my shirt over my nose while the other swats at the flies. These garbage trucks are absolutely filthy. I doubt the garbage companies even bother washing them out anymore, but why should they if their workers are soulless husks without the ability to care? The man in front of me seems completely oblivious to the mixture of rotting smells and accompanying bugs. His glowing eyes don't even blink as a fly lands on his face, crawling through the hairs of his beard. He's probably lucky that he goes home with no memory of this downright awful job.
"Are you looking for employment with Moonlight™ incorporated?" his smiling lips stir the bug on his face, but it quickly buzzes into the moist retreat of the man's dark armpit, "I'd love to help you install the app and-"
"No," I cut, "Just open the truck. I accidentally threw out something I shouldn't have."
I study the man's frozen grin for anything. It's a test. The Moonlight™ AI is designed to accept demands from free-willed customers, but I have a suspicion that the building nearby is an undocumented base for the company. If I'm right, the company would hate for anyone to root through the garbage of their secret lab...
"...I apologize, sir, but the garbage has already been compacted, and it is unsafe for non-employees to look inside. Please let me know what it is you are looking for and I will search for you."
His artificial glee didn't wane, but the blue light in his eyes did flicker just barely. This guy might be asleep, walked around by remote AI tech, but I could still tell he was lying. I'd like to see one of the Moonlight™ detectives figure that out. As I said, some things are better done the old-fashioned way...
"Well, thanks anyway," I snark, planting a slap on his sweat-soaked back. He says something about it being his pleasure as he resumes handling the garbage, flies eternally buzzing around his smiling head and glowing eyes.
Continuing my investigation, I pop down in the sewer, looking for an underground entrance to Moonlight™'s secret lab...
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"Are you lost, sir? Let me help you."
I've had to breathe through a mask to put up with the heavy cloud of steaming sewage, but the Moonlight™ septic worker seems fine, smiling with an open mouth, specks of God-knows-what dried on his teeth.
"No, I'm where I should be," I dismiss him and march past.
Suddenly a muddy glove sticks out and holds my chest. "I'm afraid you cannot pass, sir," his smile is as strong as ever, but the trademark glow of his eyes intensifies.
I've never felt more sure about my suspicions. This mind controlled worker seems ready to fight rather than let me pass. I wonder if this poor soul knows he's being used as a guard as well as being a Moonlight™ sewage worker.
"Why don't you show me the way out then," I relent.
"Of course, sir," his hand removes itself from my chest, leaving a dirty print, "The sewer is a dangerous place for civilians."
I follow as he marches me out of the sewer. It's better to leave and come back later with a plan. Today, I confirmed my suspicions, but tomorrow, I'll finally see what secrets they're cooking up in that lab. I return home and end the day with the satisfaction of being close to a major discovery. Sleep finds me quickly...
Waking up in my bed, I check my phone and find an unsettling message waiting for me...
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"Congratulations on finishing your first shift with Moonlight™!" the text reads, "Here is a photo of you hard at work last night!"
"What the FUCK!"
I jump out of bed, but instantly everything feels off. My back aches and my legs are more tired than they were last night! My pajamas are uncomfortable, pinching in areas like someone else dressed me in them! My mind is racing with confusion, and an overwhelming sense of self-consciousness rushes over me. My face burns from the violation, but most of my fear is focused on the strange feeling lingering in the back of my private area.
"What did they do to me?" I try to be pissed, but all I can do is whimper.
Suddenly my phone rings...
"Hello," I growl.
"Good morning, sir," a familiarly gracious man's voice rolls through the call.
"Tell me who the fuck this is!"
"Someone who noticed you snooping the other day, sir," his voice sounds like it's smiling.
Suddenly it clicks. Whoever's calling me from Moonlight™ would never use their own phone and voice. They must be using some poor schmuck that thinks he's working an honest job right now. How am I ever supposed to find who's behind all these layers of lies?
"You can hind behind your brainless puppets," I sneer, "But I will not stop looking into this fucked up company!"
"But now you're one of our puppets, sir. I'm not sure how much credibility a detective has if he spends his nights working the room at the dirtiest club in town..."
"That's sick..." I whisper, thinking about the picture on my phone. The idea of me gleefully stripping for a room of disgusting old men makes me shiver.
"Good luck with your investigation, sir," the voice continues, "But just understand that every time you sleep, your body will get up and report to that club. I have to admit that you're hiding a rather tight body under that trench coat of yours."
"You were there?" I mutter.
"Oh I had to meet the man poking his nose where it didn't belong, sir. I got very familiar with you. You were very friendly last night, so I poked something of mine where it didn't belong."
The voice on the other line laughs, and all I feel is utter humiliation. I hang up the call and stare at the photo he'd sent. It was me alright, smiling like a maniac in the gayest outfit I've ever seen. I didn't like my body being dressed like that. I hate that I was happily busting my ass for the enemy. He had to have been getting off at my humiliation last night. I'm sure he relished every second of what he did to me. I don't even want to think about the sensation left in my ass.
I need to push this investigation faster.
Because tonight, when I go to sleep, I'll be helpless to prevent this from happening again.
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lightbluetown · 1 year ago
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i saw some people say ed and zheng are master strategists while stede is just some guy with ridiculous luck, but i think that's unfair. sure stede's ideas are insane, but they fit the looney tunes ass universe of ofmd perfectly. they're mostly well-thought-out, well-executed and they showcase stede's strengths and growth! so allow me to talk about them:
1- ghost of the forest - 1x02
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a fuckery™ before stede even knows what a fuckery™ is! this is amateurish and stupid in every way. he's not even threatening izzy with a real dagger-- that's a letter opener. does izzy actually believe that stede has a huge crew hiding behind the bushes? doubt it! but this weird little act is enough to establish stede as a (ridiculous) pirate figure to the legendary izzy hands and to accomplish his goal of taking a hostage back
2- lighthouse - 1x04
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imagine coming up with the exact same idea at the exact same time as the most brilliant tactician of the seven seas! we don't know who came up with which parts of the plan (honestly it was probably mostly ed) but this is still bloody impressive
3- stark revelations - 1x05
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stede's first big success! he uses his knowledge of the aristocratic world to get a shipful of rich assholes to destroy each other, but he's also showcasing what sets him apart from them: this plan only comes to fruition because stede talks to frenchie, olu and abshir as equals. as people he can learn from, as sources of inspiration
4- duel with izzy - 1x06
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this one was absolutely unhinged, but its success was far from dumb luck. only stede could think of using a brazillian cherry wood mast and ed's weird stabbing lesson to win a duel, and that's what makes this plan so undeniably stede and brilliant
5- faking his death - 1x10
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i love that he just had to "die" in the most dramatic way possible. a heroic fight (tiger), a realistic accident (carriage) and the most cartoony death in the book (piano)... not only is his triple-death able to convince everyone in barbados that he's dead for good, it also allows him to have closure with his family. it's filled with stede's ridiculous unique flair, but it's designed to be a fuckery™ through and through. ed would be SO proud
6- stealing jackie's indigo dye - 2x01
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quick little stealth mission. did ricky manipulate stede into trying this out? sure. did ricky also ruin it? absolutely. but it was working until then! the swede isn't part of stede's crew at this point, but his respect for stede is what gets him to cooperate and risk his relationship with his beautiful wife. also, it's thanks to his love for fine things that stede immediately recognizes the value of "blue dirt"
7- prison break - 2x03
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in my eyes no scene depicts stede's growth better than this one. knocking zheng's entire crew out with tea is the most stede thing out there, and this plan uses the cherry wood mast as well! this plan relies on stede's (unrealistic) tea knowledge, overly-fancy ship and ability to coordinate his crew. what makes it breathtaking is that he secretly sets this plan into motion while actively mourning the "death" of the love of his life. he's putting his life on the line to rescue ed's "killers" because he's emotionally mature enough to look at things from their perspective and forgive them
8- inciting a mutiny - 2x06
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yet another brilliant plan that could only be executed by stede. this entire episode revolves around his idea of "turning poison into positivity" and here he, well, fights poison with positivity. stede captains his pirates with respect and care (best he can) which just so happens to be the opposite of ned. he exploits this and gently gets ned's crew to turn on him. he singlehandedly saves himself and his entire crew from a notorious pirate! oh he also literally invents walking the plank right after this
9- "it's only suicide if we die" - 2x08
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okay, yes, this one didn't go that well (sorry iz). but it's not like ed, zheng or anyone else had any other ideas! stede's weird suicide mission, for the most part, worked. they needed to get through british soldiers to reach their ship and they did exactly that. if only they'd remembered to check if ricky had his gun... oh well, you live and you learn
sure, ed and zheng are legends and stede is a silly newbie with wild luck. but he's also quick-witted, creative, confident and brave! he's a damn good captain and he deserves to be recognized as a good strategist!
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piracytheorist · 2 months ago
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Twilight Eyes Project: "Secure a Wife" (part 2)
First part here
Naturally, "Twilight eyes" stay on during his side mission with Franky. Then he bursts into Camilla's party, wounded and disoriented enough to mess up his introduction.
And thus... slightly different expressions from manga to anime.
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In the manga, it's full-on Twilight eyes. Brow going downward to the center, focused and narrowed eyes. The anime has the first two, though as of focused eyes... they make use of animation to show he's so shaken he can't focus his eyes on one place. His slip-up does look funnier when he's trying to present himself as Very Put Together™ as he does in the manga, but I think it's funny either way. Also, I appreciate the small extra whump bone from the anime.
Continuing on the humorous aspect, he switches all the way to reassuring Loid eyes as he tells everyone how absolutely, definitely normal his situation is. No biggie. Just a head flesh wound. He sleeps those right off.
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"Loid eyes" stay on as he continues his ploy. Nothing to see here, please continue, are you having fun, my dear wife whom I definitely did not meet just a couple days ago?
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Those eyes keep up until Camilla tries to embarrass Yor in front of everyone with details about her "past job"... and here goes.
Loid eyes. He will show everyone how proud he is of his wife.
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But then, slowly, his eyes don't look so strained anymore...
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... until they're outright sad eyes.
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The direct proof (along with the short flashback) that what Twilight says there is the truth for him: he doesn't judge Yor, instead, he honestly supports and praises her for her dedication and her strength.
And when he finishes his praise, he looks towards the others... and the audience doesn't get to see his eyes.
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Yor does.
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And the truth she sees in his eyes is enough to not only bring tears to her eyes, but to also stay with her and give her strength multiple chapters/episodes later.
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This smile isn't the one he actually gave her. But it's the one she remembers.
(Wrong angle in the anime, but we can forgive that)
They leave Camilla's party, get attacked by the smuggling ring, Twilight knocks a few of them out and tells Yor to run for it, Twilight eyes on as he keeps himself alert for any possible attack.
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Yor voices her worries about the well-being of his "patients"... and what else can he do but put on the Loid eyes. Which I'm actually sure weren't necessary with her, lol.
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Unstoppable force (Yor believing everything she sees and hears) meets immovable object (Twilight suspecting everything and everyone).
Subtle Twilight eyes as he starts to question... well, his own judgment, at this point 😆
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They get attacked, and Yor kicks a guy into another dimension before he can hurt Loid. And!
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I would just really like to know what his thought process here was. This look is on the verge between "Loid eyes" and "real eyes". But this next panel/shot feels like it's closer to "real eyes".
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He was actually amused by how far she kicked that guy, huh 😆
They kick a few more guys' asses, then Yor drops the "why don't we get married" question. Twilight is, understandably, shocked and confused. It's actually something he'd planned for, but it came unexpectedly and just so freely and willingly from Yor.
When his mind picks up from the shock, he puts on the thought process.
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And we get investigative eyes.
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Twilight accepts, gives her the best marriage proposal to ever grace a screen, starts with Loid voice for "Even in sickness, or in sadness," and switches to Twilight voice for "No matter what hardships await us, let us be there for each other."
Twilight eyes as he finishes his vows,
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And... this, as he thinks "Until my mission do us part"
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I want to make it clear that I completely doubt he'd already grown any feelings for Yor already. Probably the only thing he'd feel for her at that point was that he sympathized with her mental fortitude and willingness to sacrifice herself in order to protect and support someone she cared about. The pleasant face he has at the end could be merely his expression of relief that the mission was going smoothly.
But then, isn't that what becomes the foundation of the feelings he'll grow later? The relief that she is the kind of person who will protect the peace he fights so hard to maintain himself? A relief that will grow strong enough to lead him into revealing true parts of himself to her?
There's definitely a lot to take away just from the way Twilight's eyes are drawn, in any case.
(anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)
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dustykneed · 9 months ago
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so i got distracted doing a comic that was a poorly disguised excuse for me to draw bones wearing jim and spock's shirts. without further ado:
how each of the triumvirate sneezes: a completely accurate guide
jim is one of them fuckers (affectionate) who sneezes like a gatling gun. Multiple times in a row every single time. you can barely get a "bless you" in before he steamrolls you with 5+ more sneezes like a goddamn automatic air cannon gone rogue (according to bones, of course). he would've been a theatre kid and it shows
spock sneezes only occasionally but it nonetheless serves as a shocker every single time to anyone in the vicinity. he has a kittenish "hachuu!" sneeze and an absolute DAD SNEEZE depending on the circumstances factoring into the sneeze (he got the dad sneeze from amanda. all vulcans do the kitten sneeze. no of course i'm right. source? trust me bro)
the first time bones heard him sneeze (kitten sneeze from allergies) he nearly split the corners of his mouth grinning. the second time bones heard him sneeze (full on dad sneeze) he jumped a foot and nearly had a coronary.
bones sneezes, well, normally. (if anything, as far as he's concerned, compared with the rest of the triumvirate, he's basically the gold standard for terran sneezing™) what isn't normal about his sneezing, however, is how goddamn long it takes the sneeze to actually exit his body. he will be stuck in about-to-sneeze limbo for AGES and it drives him fucking insane. his record is half an hour and jim has never let him live it down since
... now i'm imagining tiny spock doing his dad sneeze in front of all the other vulcan children and initiating the fight-or-flight instinct in half of them LMAO
ANYWAYS COMIC BELOW<333 I FINISHED IT ANYWAY (still hanging on to my daily post streak for dear life)
(imo it's the funniest if you assume that at this point mcspirk is, in fact, NOT dating yet but spirk is and they're just casually dressing their best friend in their (not even fresh out the closet, just the shirts they wore on shift like thirty minutes ago) clothes. Old man yaoi has my heart especially when they're so silly like that)
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fox-mulder-gets-pegged · 1 year ago
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Been spending my time lately thinking of a House MD au where, through a series of accidents and lies and a bet he didn't rly intend to win, House ends up as a registered foster parent (he's still addicted to Vicodin and his normal dickish workaholic self but for some reason he cleared the requirements and trust me he's as stunned and mildly concerned as everyone else is).
Through further Shenanigans™, he ends up accidentally getting handed fostership of not one, not two, but three hellish but brilliant kids:
1. This total smartass 16 year old named Robert Chase who yeah he's a bitchy teenaged boy and a former rich kid and Australian with enough mommy and daddy issues to reawaken Freud after his dad dipped and absconded all parental rights and his mom drank herself to death, but he's also got a nice car left over from his rich kid days and an eye for detail and weirdly enough his best friend/mortal enemy (some other teen named Eric Foreman) and his on again off again girlfriend (Allison Cameron, totally won't last if u ask House) both work at the hospital as a candy striper and after school in the cafeteria respectively so House can get all the inside gossip from Chase. Plus Chase has no problems breaking and entering into patient's homes which helps bc since he's not employed by the hospital Cuddy can't complain as far as House is concerned.
2. A 14 year old girl who only answers to Thirteen (House knows he could look her name up in her file but honestly it drives Chase nuts that she won't tell him her real name and that's good enough for him) and who's dad was declared unfit after the death of his wife to Huntington's devastated him. She's a total nightmare, snarky and quick witted and freakishly smart even tho she puts most of those smarts towards things like shaving Chase's entire head (eyebrows included) bc he's trying to grow a sucky teenage mustache, and trying to take House's wallet bc she keeps calling him Old Man and he informed her he's actually only 25 but the stress of fostering has aged him prematurely and she's like 95% sure that's a lie but she wants to check his license and make sure bc everyone lies. She loves tormenting Chase by telling him his best friend and/or his girlfriend is hot and asking if they're single.
And 3. This 6 year old boy named Lawrence Kutner who's weirdly cheerful considering his parents got killed in front of him. He's way too chatty and excellent at puzzles and the only morning person in the entire house and therefore frequently tries to make breakfast (he likes to be helpful and he hasn't burned the place down yet so House doesn't feel the need to stop him). Once he told House he was gonna build a Death Star in the living room and House said lol sure go ahead whatever, only to return home from work to discover Kutner called himself out from school and has a huge wooden frame made of broken furniture in the living room. House rly can't argue since he did say go ahead. Benefits of fostering a 6 year old are 1. The babes love it, 2. Free excuse to leave work early/come in late/not show up at all, and 3. Justification for buying juice boxes and Ritz crackers. The neighbor kid Taub is his go to babysitter bc his mom volunteered him forcibly and Taub is lowkey praying that babysitting Kutner could lead to an in at Princeton Plainsboro once he graduates high-school and finishes medical school (it won't, House doesn't believe in nepotism unless it benefits him).
The adventures of House and his Foster Ducklings mostly revolve around being a Found Family, but do involve frequent plots such as:
House fired his brand new fellows again (he tosses em every three or so months, he hasn't found The Right Team yet) and will sometimes bring his foster kids in, hand em doctors coats, and tell patients that they're just a bunch of medical savants here to consult yes even the 6 year old he's actually Harvard's youngest graduate ever.
House sends the kids to break into a patient's home. They refuse. House tells them the first one to find black mold or lead paint or a dead animal or whatever gets $20. They agree. Chase drops Thirteen and Kutner off at a bus stop across town and drives over himself so he can get an hour and a half head start (ultimate fuck them kids moment, however Thirteen did steal his wallet so guess who's paying for lunch and their taxi ride to the patient's house? Net loss.)
Cuddy demands House does his clinic hours. House sends his foster kids to do his clinic hours for him. Tfw you go to the free walk in clinic for a sore throat and a cough and your doctor is a 6 year old boy who keeps asking for help with spelling whilst filling out your chart.
Wilson babysits them one (1) time since House doesn't trust Chase not to throw a party or sell his foster siblings on eBay if left as the one in charge. He wakes up with a big strip of hair poorly bleached right down the middle. Chase crushed up stolen sleeping pills and mixed them into a juice box, which Kutner 'innocently' offered to Wilson. Thirteen was going to bleach and dye his whole head blue (for practice, she wants to dye her hair but she's certainly not gonna fuck up her own hair until she has the method down) but Wilson woke up pretty quickly due to years of House drugging him. Wilson has not offered to babysit again.
Anyways this is my House Foster Ducklings au which I'm thinking about actually writing. Thank u 🫡
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sungbeam · 2 years ago
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𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘 : a series!
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[7 OF 11 NOW CUFFED!] ; it's cuffing season! — and the boyz are in for quite the adventure as they learn to juggle school, work, friends, and love.
starring: the boyz, f!reader
genre: college au, fluff, humor, comfort, assorted pairings
word count: 216k/?? // at least 20k+ words per part
**note: the main plotline (the 4 szns) can be read completely as stand-alones. all other spin-offs can also technically be read as stand-alones, but some might require context from the main plotline. (all prev yns will appear as __!yn)
+ ADD THIS TO YOUR LIST (taglist form: open)
a/n: i'm very excited for this series tbh and i really hope i retain the strength to finish it 🤧 a great way to help me out tho is to blow this post up by reblogging, esp since tumblr gatekeeps the actual fics when they're published :')
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SEASON ONE: PARTY PEOPLE — jacob b.
yours and jacob's mutual friend kevin is convinced that you're meant to be, even if he only just met you. (trailer, 34k)
SEASON TWO: FLIGHT RISK — eric s.
you and eric met on an airplane, and that's where you thought it would end, but clearly the universe has a different plan in mind. (trailer, 30k)
SEASON THREE: OFF THE RECORD — j. changmin (parts 𝐈, 𝐈𝐈)
everyone thinks changmin is cute and harmless, but you know that's not who he really is. (trailer, 36k)
SEASON FOUR: AIN'T NO ROMEO — l. hyunjae
your best friend hyunjae ain't no romeo, but you're still in love... so let's hope he doesn't find out you wrote a whole play about him! (trailer, 30k)
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— spin-offs & side adventures.
RHAPSODY ANONYMOUS — k. sunwoo
you never thought your humble, little podcast would ever touch somebody's soul like it did one kim sunwoo's. (trailer, 28k)
RESCUE PROTOCOL — kevin m.
another summer break, another annual trip to the lake! except, it seems like when you and kev get there, you'll have to make some tweaks to the original rescue protocol. (trailer, 29k)
AT YOUR CONVENIENCE — k. younghoon
neither you nor younghoon were party people, but you did find love in the convenience store down the block. (trailer, 29k)
HOT COMMODITY — j. haknyeon
no matter how many times he's been to this restaurant, haknyeon swears he's not just here for the cute waitress. (trailer, __)
PINKY SWEAR — c. chanhee
you and chanhee are far from the years of pinky swears, but here you are, still lacing fingers after all this time. (trailer, __)
THE REVEAL — l. sangyeon
does sangyeon really have a secret girlfriend? well... let's find out. (trailer, __)
CLASS(Y) ACTION — l. juyeon
nothing is more cutthroat than the legal sphere, and sometimes we have to find allies in the strangest places—even if he spills coffee on you. (trailer, __)
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EXTRA/"DELETED" SCENES
section under construction.
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EXTRA, EXTRA CONTENT
— QUIZZES!
lmk what u got for a free smooch and a cookie 🤸‍♀️🥰
which love in unity boy will you be cuffing this year? (uquiz)
which love in unity boy will you be cuffing this school year? (**NEW & IMPROVED VER)
love in unity trivia !! for the main plot only (uquiz)
— ALT. READING ORDERS
if u want to read this series in timeline order, this is how it should be done: jacob/younghoon, eric/haknyeon, changmin/sunwoo, hyunjae/chanhee, sangyeon, kevin, juyeon
if u wanna read sungbeam's favorites (no particular order): at your convenience, ain't no romeo, (more to be decided!)
— SERIES TAGS: general series. any wip can be searched via "wip: _____" (usually just the initials, except for party people); or "the (member) fic™"
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mochinomnoms · 9 months ago
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I'm a trans guy, but I have massive tits. So there's a surprise factor to the whole thing. Imagine, if you will:
You're friend, Floyd (or someone else, Ace, idk) just got out from detention. It ran extra long, so he's hungry. He keeps complaining about being hungry, and the vending machines are far away.
You don't really want to walk all the way there, so you decide: eh. Fuck it! He's by best friend (and you are so down bad for him rn). He's gonna find out one day anyways, with how often he stays the night at Ramshackle, and you can't keep sleeping in your binder cause it's getting a little hard to breathe at this point.
So you undo your tie, unbutton your shirt a bit, and pull out some twst cheetos from in-between your tits and hand them to him. They were being held nicely by the binder and your boobs, and they're warm! Bonus! But now he's starring at you, ah shit, time for the questions.
Fast forward about an hour. You don't know how you got here. But you are suddenly on your bed in Ramshakle with his face shoved right the fuck up in your chest. I mean, you are wearing a shirt. But you're kinda starting to wish you weren't...
"You need to breathe!" He said. "Don't worry, I not gonna think of you as a girl all the sudden or something" He said. And he doesn't! All he knows and all he cares about is that his crush just got a whole lot softer to cuddle with! And his mind is also going at a million miles per hour but we're not gonna focus on that rn
Nah but for real you're not supposed to wear binders for more than 8 hours and I always keep mine on for 12-26 hours straight with no breaks ��💀💀💀. Anyways, thanks for coming to my T-Boy™ TedTalk
🦩
(babe, darling, love, honey, I'm BEGGING you to not bind for such long periods you need your RIBS AND LUNGS TO FUNCTION—)
Oooooh they don't care about having some sort of crisis about finding out you have boobs. I don't think so anyways, it's a magic world with talking fire cats and dragon fae, I like to think that queer people are the norm. Ace/Floyd is just delighted to find a soft new pillow that just happens to be right on top of his crush's chest~
Boobs are boobs, to be quite frank, and if you like someone that has them, it's just a bonus that you can suffocate yourself in your love's embrace and chest! Aaaaa Ace/Floyd is such little shit, he's shoving his face in your cleavage and bringing his hands up to squeeze your breasts so that his head is stuck in them! He likes how soft they are, and it's a bonus that he can hear how fast your heart beat is going as he squeezes. Maybe he'll take a lil nibble through the shirt~ Just to see your reaction 🤭
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exo-raskreia · 5 months ago
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Thoughts on 261 & More Utahime Potential Ideas
WARNING: MAX COPIUM + MANGA SPOILERS
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Ok, I know everyone's been losing it lately. I tried to keep calm when the 261 leaks dropped. I'm very disappointed & shocked as well (Gojo... 。゚( ゚இ‸இ゚+)゚。 ).
However... The latest developments have also caused me to ascend to a higher state in Delulu Land & this is my hardest cope yet.
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First off, it seems to be implied that Gojo chose to become a monster by killing the higher-ups, thinking that he was finally going as far as (stooping as low as) Geto did for his ideals, but didn't want his students to see. And yet, they wanted to be there with him, not wanting him to carry the burden of becoming a monster alone—they would too by going through with the Horrible Plan™. So, miss me with that "Gojo wanted to die & reunite with his best friend" nonsense. There is too much at stake here & Gojo gave his all for his students and allies. Yuuta is currently risking his life too, for his friends & to carry Gojo's burden (let's go a little easier on him, guys, & Maki too, since she was against this plan; mainly for Yuuta, but still. Hakari looked disturbed too...).
This whole thing's a mess, though. What is Gege doing? Why hype up Gojo only to reveal such a horrible plan? Is he playing with us 'cause he's a sadistic freak or could it be there's something more to it? That he's setting up for something else? I've mentioned this before, but could it be that Gojo is truly meant to return at a crucial moment? When all hope seems lost? As it did feel a bit random to reappear during Todo & Yuuji's fight...
WARNING: Harry Potter spoilers!
Nitta must've stopped any further bleeding from Gojo's brain & Yuuta's body, so he, Shoko, & Amai must be keeping them healed & safe. I wonder if they're keeping an eye on the possibility Gojo could regain consciousness. I once mentioned this in a Tweet, but could Gojo be in a similar state as Harry Potter after getting hit by the Killing Curse, seemingly "dead" but actually in a state of limbo where he had met Dumbledore's soul in a place resembling King's Cross Station?
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In Gojo's case, he's at an airport where he met his dead comrades (whether it's actually them or just Gojo dreaming, is uncertain; if he is dreaming, then wouldn't that mean he's still alive?). He's given a choice to metaphorically "board a plane" north or south, to return as someone new or to stay as he is. In the Buddhist-inspired JJK verse, north could mean enlightenment, so will Gojo choose that path, as many have theorized? It's uncertain if going north means choosing to live and/or ascending to a higher state (godhood), & if going south means straight up dying/reincarnating or simply returning to his misunderstood self, but I hope Gojo chooses whichever is best for his return. One that will possibly make him stronger but finally gaining a new perspective that will break the barrier between himself & others? Or maybe weaker but finally able to fight alongside the others (especially if he makes a Binding Vow)?
As such, Gojo's body was healed by both Shoko & Yuuta, & since his head had remained intact & on his body throughout the whole ordeal—which is required for RCT to work—could it be he could regain consciousness at some point with his own RCT? Yuuta only has 5 minutes to fight in Gojo's body but it's unknown what would happen once they are up. There are the risks he could die or stay stuck in Gojo's body, both of which are atrocious. However, in order to survive, could Ui Ui do a soul swap before the 5min mark, if/when Gojo revives? Or could it be both souls would automatically switch back? Either way, if the danger is out of the way, would Shoko then be able to perform the operation again to switch their brains back?
However, do the sorcerers really think they can defeat Sukuna in less than 5mins before Yuuta's back to the operating table? This is so convoluted, so I'm not sure how this would go. 😥
Anyway, I've been delulu theorizing Utahime could really have an important role in the Shinjuku Showdown arc here and here for a while now, whether it's to help in Gojo's revival or something else. Even with this latest shocking development, my ideas still stand.
Once again, neither Utahime, Ijichi, & Gakuganji were present at the strategy meetings in the flashbacks, especially the one with the Horrible Plan™. While Gojo wasn't present either for said plan, he was informed of it later & he commented he didn't intend to lose, so he didn't really care what would happen to his corpse anyway. This could mean that Utahime & the others were later informed too but at that point, it may have been too late to stop it. Maybe that's why Utahime had that somber expression in chapter 222. She knew what could happen and DID NOT agree with it, so while everyone was cheering Gojo on with happy expressions, she wasn't. I wonder if she had expressed her disagreement to Gojo right before meeting up with the others or something, as this other panel still makes me curious.
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Gege didn't have to include her here but he did. She looks nervous... I once made a silly post on both GojoHime panels in chapter 222 here.
Anyway, Ijichi wasn't even present which is kind of strange while Gakuganji is typically so serious anyway.
At this point, one's inclined to believe that maybe they really were up to something else. It's too suspicious and obvious that these 4 were not a part of any of the important strategy meetings with the other sorcerers. It seems deliberate on Gege's part. Which is why these new delulu ideas come into play.
MAX COPIUM FROM THIS POINT ON.
Shoko has shocked us all with her very blasé attitude about the Horrible Plan™, that even Gojo said he was hurt annoyed by it. Either she was bottling it all up (she really did seem worried during the battle...), fully trusted Gojo in not losing (but she should've assured him?), or maybe, just maybe, there's a tiny possibility that she's hiding something. Could she have another plan?
Whether she does or not, Shoko is not part of my delulu ideas this time. I'm done. I had mostly brought her up before because of the possibilities & how much others hyped her up for it, but my delusions have always mainly revolved around Utahime. Shoko thankfully did her part already by helping heal Gojo's body & now it's Utahime's turn to take care of the rest.
Sure, Gojo could return on his own through a Binding Vow and/or his own RCT that should be working again, but as I brought up before in my first aforementioned delulu post, what if Utahime boosts his RCT to quicken and strengthen it? Nice and simple, right?
Or, what if Utahime's singing will finally come into play? As I also mentioned before, what if Gojo can hear her in the limbo & will be guided back by her voice? Like the luring of a siren? Will she call him by (first) name? Shrine maidens can summon spirits & gods, so if that applies to the JJK verse, could Utahime perform a ritual to reach & summon Gojo's soul? Especially if he chooses enlightenment? Now, I would hope this wouldn't be a temporary thing...like he returns to help one last time before departing to the heavens in a godhood state or something. Oh, Gege, u better not...
What if her singing does have healing abilities? But even more crazily, what if they're not physical, but spiritual? Could Utahime restore both Gojo's & Yuuta's souls to their bodies? Could she help Yuuta's soul remain safe once the 5mins are up?
For all this to happen, Utahime would have to be in the medical room. Where is she currently? Is she on her way? Is she still out on the battlefield possibly boosting the remaining sorcerers (well, hardly anyone left, tbh)? If she's headed to the medical room with the intent to help Gojo, I imagine it'd shock Shoko & the others. Would they know what she intends or not? Would they think it's possible? Would they try to stop her?
This is super insane & bordering on headcanon (lol, I warned you), but wouldn't it be amazing if she could have possibly managed to achieve Domain Expansion during her long absence in the manga post-Shibuya? What if it was kept a secret from all? What if as soon as Gojo laid his Six Eyes on her after his unsealing, he knew? What if that's one of the things they were cultivating, planning around, during the time-skip? Could it have offensive abilities involving her voice, like a siren? Like maybe she can make the enemy do her bidding or de-buff them? What if it's the opposite & instead has healing/buffing abilities? Any ally inside it would be in a state of max HP? Now, whether she would use it to actually heal Gojo or in combat, who knows.
I once read a wonderful one-shot fic in which Utahime achieved DE by finally accepting everything about herself, which included her suppressed feelings for Gojo. I know it's fully delulu but do we really know Utahime's full abilities? How is she a Semi-Grade 1 sorcerer if she can only buff (unless her CT is seen as good enough to warrant the rank)? Come on, Gege, stop wasting her character potential.
Remember that Sukuna still hasn't been taught about love? Based on Yorozu's version of it, his idea of love is to become vulnerable enough to connect with others & not feel lonely anymore by being defeated in battle; basically, get humbled, lol. He thought only Gojo could teach him how to overcome the barrier between himself & others deemed weak. But how would that be now, if Gojo's possibly in a state of limbo? (Is it another hint to his return?) The only other people that could possibly teach Sukuna are pure-hearted souls like Yuuji or Yuuta, the latter whom has also experienced romantic love. However, Yuuta just "discarded" his humanity by choosing to become a "monster", so Sukuna may throw that in his face. Taunt him & the other sorcerers for going against their ideals to defeat him.
What if it's not one person, but multiple that will teach Sukuna? Nakama power, y'all. What if Utahime could be one of those? She's the most pure-hearted sorcerer besides Yuuji. Her love for her students, helping Gojo whenever he asked despite her "hate" towards him, her not getting that Mei was asking for money to promote her in S2E1 (and Mei didn't even push it as if knowing Uta would never agree), her not being informed about the assassination attempt on Yuuji at the Goodwill Event by Gakuganji & her students (not even by Gojo, who suspected something), & she wasn't even present at the meeting for the brain switch plan...
It's like Utahime is being protected and/or her comrades know that she would never support all this immorality. She's a selfless person, often seen risking her life or attempting to for others in her little screentime. Not to mention that her CT is literally named after a love song. If romantic love were to be addressed at all in this fight, besides Yuuta, could Utahime play a role there? Her giving her all to help Gojo while Gojo had done his all to protect her during his fight with Sukuna? (You know, since it's still too sus that Sukuna doesn't know about her CT... Gojo entrusted Ijichi, the man he trusts the most, to keep Utahime safe for her ritual...)
I've talked about this image before but I may have discovered something interesting: the Angel Number 3612. Gojo's revival could be on the horizon... I elaborate in this post.
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(Shoutout to some other amazing theories out there on Utahime's potential in helping Gojo. As a shrine maiden here & here, or even as Buddha's wife here, for example. These are seeming more & more plausible to me now, since Gege mercilessly threw a wrench at us in 261... I'm coping hard).
Having a plan unrelated to Gojo's revival is still possible. One thing I've seen thrown around is what if Utahime & team will try to stop the merger? If we go with the idea that Utahime has healing abilities for spirits, could it be that she could help restore Tengen's soul or something, like at least bring her back to her previous state before Kenjaku took over? Help her regain consciousness if she lost it? (FULL DELULU, I KNOW).
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Utahime's only a minor side character, I know that 😮‍💨. Her having such an important role & any other formidable abilities may seem like a reach, but at this point, I need something to hold onto. I don't wanna lose hope like several others have. It's hard but... As long as it's not 100% confirmed that Gojo's dead, then there is still hope... There's still so much we don't know... His choice of north & south is still up in the air, his answer to Geto's old question, his reaction to everything that happened during his time in the Prism Realm, what happened in the Prism Realm, what he did during the one month time-skip... Gege, come on...
The fact Sukuna still doesn't know about Utahime's CT is something I can hold onto, right? I will ride this wave until it crashes onshore.
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themoonweaversden · 3 months ago
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Messeges that were found so far: STAN / STANLEY PINES / STAN PINES / STANLEY (spoilers)
This is just to collect all the codes that you can type in in thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com and their effects only (please click images for better quality)
Masterpost with all messeges / codes
You have to keep spamming it to get all of these links
Eventually you'll get this:
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Transcript:
"WHEEL! OF! SHAME!
STEP RIGHT UP! It's time to play my FAVORITE GAME!! BOOTLEG SIXER over HERE spent a LIFETIME trying to hide his humiliations, BUT I'VE BEEN INSIDE HIS MIND, so NOW they're ALL YOURS for the low price of BEING MY NEW PAL! IT'S SHOWTIME FOLKS, AND THE ONLY WAY TO LOSE IS TO BE NAMED STANLEY PINES! CLICK BELOW TO SEE WHAT THIS MOUTH BREATHING CARNIVAL BAKER HAS BEEN KEEPING TO THE VEST ALL THESE YEARS. BROUGHT TO YOU BY: SHAME!
"SHAME:™ IT'S THE ONE FRIEND WHO NEVER LEAVES!"
EX-WIVES!
FEARS
SECRET SHAMES
UNREPORTED CRIMES
FAILED PRODUCTS
LOWEST MOMENTS
DARKEST THOUGHT
HOW HE BEAT ME"
If you click EX-WIVES
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Transcript:
"EX-WIVES
Old Goldie Vegas wedding to a cursed gold-toothed antique.
Marilyn Fakenamé Vegas wedding to a cursed gold-toothed antique.
Brenda Chuggins Shack attraction for having "World's Biggest Thumb." (Carny Tip: Never date your own freaks. She used that thumb to hitch-hike off with Johnny Snakes 3 days later)
Sandra Sweetmeadow A kind beautiful Amish girl eho made Stan choose between her and his "sinful gold chains." He chose the chains.
Someone named "Burline" Stan has no idea who she is, but he found her wedding ring in the Shack Lost & Found, put it on, and it got stuck forever. Physically binding. Might be legally binding!
His childhood poster of "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman" (8 year old Stanley drew a ring on the poster and made Sixer witness.)
Natalia Annika Ömanövv Totally un-suspicious turist from a country that no longer legally exists. She took Stanley's creedit card and social security number while he was sleeping and still "checks in on him" via hidden cameras. Ah, love!"
If you click FEARS
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Transcript:
"FEARS
The IRS Finding Out
Soos being the one to find Stan dead and taxidermying his body. (Soos would consider this an honor)
The cops calling Stan's fingertips "unusually little."
Betting Dipper in a poker game (and losing.)
Word getting out about Stan's little fingertips, people discovering that they're littler than Ford's.
Stan being dubbed "Baby-Fingers Pines" by the media and having to look into black market finger enlarging."
If you click SECRET SHAMES
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Transcript:
"SECRET SHAMES
The time Wendy beat Stan in arm wrestling. 3 times in a row. She never has to work overtime as long as she never tells a soul.
The fact that no one came to his fake funeral except his mom and an IRS agent who whispered to the coffin "this isn't over."
The quick cash Stan made in 1975 posing for a "Hunky Drifters Catalogue" that wasn't as tasteful and classy as the job listing made it sound.
Was the baby mascot for the "Fussy Boy" Brand diaper rash commercials. (Claims that was Ford.)
Writing His Duchess Approves erotic fan-novel: "The Duke's Temptations at Oglebottom Estate.""
If you click UNREPORTED CRIMES
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Transcript:
"UNREPORTED CRIMES
The time Stan hit Toby Determined with his car and just... kept driving.
Illegally breeding wolves to create a "super wolf." You should hear this thing howl.
Pretending to be a veteran to get a discount on PEZ, then having to invent an entire fake war in a fake country to keep the ruse going. Stan still has a "Remember Operation Enduring Excuse" bumper sticker, and regularly updates the Wikipedia page for the "People's Grepublic of Grunklestan."
Shooting out the tires of the Mythbusters Van after they axposing him for "looking kinda doughy" on tape.
Selling his heart medication to Children claiming it was "metal-flavored candy!"
Accidentally inhaling too much taxidermy glue, black out, and waking up to discover that he had somehow managed to rob himself. Still tracking down the lost boot buried by his arch-rival "Glue Stan""
If you click FAILED PRODUCTS
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Transcript:
"STAN'S FAILED PRODUCTS
The "Wishy Washy!" - A washing machine that somehow makes your clothes dirtier.
The "Counter Fit!" - A rubber band you attach to your kitchen counter to exercise while doing dished. INJURY TOLL: 27
"Welcome to Gravity Town!" - A cartoon show pitch which was unanimously rejected by every network for "blatant Illuminati references."
"Flavored Lottery Tickets!" - Turns out that the kind of people who think they can win the lottery are the kind of people who ignore "do not swallow" instructions. LAWSUIT TOLL: 48
"THE SAD SHACK" - A burlap bag to cover your head so no one can see you rendomly crying during the day. Cheaper than therapy!
A soda called the "Drippy Stanley!" INGREDIENTS: Pine Sol, wood glue, & expired sun tan lotion. Soos tested it and now he can't remember the year 2000."
If you click LOWEST MOMENTS
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Transcript:
"LOWEST MOMENTS
That time he somehow got an F- on a history test, which teachers thought was mathematically impossible. Filbrick made him stand on the lawn for two days holding a sign that said "Estra Stan, 3 dollars or better offer."
When "1998's Best Tourist Traps in Oregon" listed the "Mystery Shack" as #99 below "The world's bigest fence" and "the dog that might be thinking human thoughts."
His birthday the year before he met Dipper & Mabel. No one came to "Mr Mystery's Mystery-Age Party & Used Wolf Pet Sale" He'd spent hours writing comedy roasts of employees who never came, burned off one of his eyebrows attempting to make a cake, and drank the night away skeet shooting Sixer's old Beethoven Records.
The day after he met the twins, he overheard them debating whether they should escape out the window and report him to the FBI. Mabel shook a Magic 8-Ball and tey stayed.
Stripping for edible flour in Tijuana Please don't make me elaborate."
If you click DARKEST THOUGHT
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Transcript:
"DARKEST THOUGHT
Pin all my crimes on Soos"
If you click HOW HE BEAT ME (You have to keep spamming)
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Transcript:
"HOW STAN BEAT ME He didn't! IM STILL HERE, SUCKER!"
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Transcript:
"HOW STAN BEAT ME LOOK the gambler got a lucky break, alright? A lifelong LOSER was due for ONE freak royal flush! What does it mean? NOTHING! LESS THAN NOTHING! NOT WORTH EVEN THINKING ABOUT!"
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Transcript:
"HOW STAN BEAT ME WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? That a guy who once tried to EAT THE DECORATIVE POTPURRI out of the bowl in the bank OUTSMARTED ME?! PLEASE! Goofus was just following Gallant's LEAD! It was SIXER'S PLAN, PTSD BARNUM is just a side character, a resume-inflating, cheap trick loving, past-denying overgrown child protected from failure only by a force field of DENIAL AND shamelessness! Sixer ate Stanley's potential in the womb, and the only thing interesting that ever happened to him started when I entered HIS head! END OF STORY! PERIOD. And I have NOTHING MORE TO SAY ABOUT IT!!!!"
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"HOW STAN BEAT ME ..."
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"HOW STAN BEAT ME AND ANOTHER THING! Ever since that pathetic excuse for a 5-sensed three Dimensional one lifespanned skin-puppet was barfed into the universe, he was nothing but a carbon copy of a better genetic duplicate, and he knew it! A trillion years from now when I've broken out of this place nd taken over, he'll be remembered as the special bump under the cement truck of my inevitable triumph asterisk next to an asterisk next to an asterisk next to an asterisk who would be a joke if he was capable of understanding comedy whehich he OBVIOUSLY isn't, I mean, have you heard the hacky matreials he does on his tours, I've been inside his dreams, he WORKSHOPS that material, he PAVES over it, and the best he can do are some puns that would make a third grader cringe and vaudeville that were hack before they were even invented! Its an insult that showed to wear a suit and tie, he should be in a BARREL with SUSPENDERS!
HACK JOKES. CODEPENDENT. SELF-PITYING STUPID "FULLY CLOTHED WOMEN" COULDNT WIN LOCAL ELECTION SMUG SAS-CROTCH TACKY UNWORTHY CLICHE DREAMS "SINGIN' SALMON" AND THAT'S THE FINAL WORD!"
Transcript for this image in specific taken from this Google doc
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"HOW STAN BEAT ME OKAY I SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE! You’re just like those those PREACHY INFANTILZING AUTOMOTONS AT THETHERAPRISM who are SO OBSESSED with getting me to TALK about my “FEELINGS”. YOU THINK YOU CAN GET A RISE OUT OF ME?! TRY! I DARE YOU! I DARE YOU!”
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"HOW STAN BEAT ME KEEP CLICKING! SEE WHAT HAPPENS! I CAN OUT-LAST YOU PAL! DO YOU REALIZE WHO YOU’RE STEPPING TO HERE?! IM LITERALLY INSANE! TRY IT! KEEP TRYING IT! I’VE GOT FOREVER, LET’S GO! COME ON! GO! KEEP CLICKING! KEEP DOING IT!”
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"HOW STAN BEAT ME KEEP DOING IT!"
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"HOW STAN BEAT ME I LOVE IT!"
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"HOW STAN BEAT ME IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!
⚠︎ FLASH WARNING FOR THE FILES BELLOW ⚠︎
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"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!"
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"DO Y Ou even fAThoM ho W muCH pAIN IM"
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"sOMeTIMES when i CLOSE my eyE i caN"
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"I cAN STiLL sEe (encoded in alchemic sipher, author's cipher, theraprism and color cipher (in that order))"
Decoded messege: "The eyes of everyone I've ever"
(last three images)
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mcgrillzdumpinc · 11 months ago
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I'll likely make a more in depth post once I've read through all the translated light novels but
Hello Apothecary Diaries fans I am in volume 8 and would like to reassure you about the choking scene from volume 5
Spoilers under the cut!
Okay so there's a scene at the end of volume 5 (the manga is not there yet) that many have interpreted as sexual assault. For the sake of those sensitive to such topics, I'm going to give a light on spoilers version of the scene and then an in depth analysis. Personally, I do not view the scene as sexual assault, but it is very forceful and carries A LOT of very sad subtext. You'll understand what I'm getting at in the more depth part.
So, the general gist of the choking scene.
MaoMao and Jinshi are in the garden to escape a banquet. They talk for a bit about a very scary incident that occurred that day (thankfully nobody was killed) and share casual conversation. Then Jinshi brings up that they're at this banquet to find him a wife. I won't spoil the specifics, but fyi MaoMao has been wearing an accessory this whole time that loudly announces (to everyone except herself, of course) that She's The Favorite™. Despite how obvious Jinshi has been with his intentions, including holding her hand and combing his other fingers through her hair while mentioning the whole wife thing, MaoMao evades him while thinking "I'm not capable of love". So, she tries to dodge him by offering up another woman. This is what causes Jinshi to snap and choke her, as well as hold one of her arms behind her back to stop her from fighting back.
He doesn't kill her. As far as damage to her throat, the text doesn't indicate any. He then leans his weight on her. MaoMao then remembers how she was taught sex techniques against her will be the Verdigris House women & decides to use those techniques against Jinshi. She then promptly leaves and Jinshi feels like the most pathetic man in world.
The two don't interact beyond official matters until towards the end of volume 6. Jinshi brings more rare medicine in lieu of an apology. The two talk around the wife situation again and MaoMao gets tickled. It isn't until volume 7 that they have an actual conversation breakthrough.
That's my light on spoilers version of the events. Now I'll give a more in depth version, that's honestly a good chunk of my own meta-analysis around the events of volume 5.
Honestly, volume 5 is full of really interesting scenes regarding Jinshi and MaoMao. This is the first volume after Jinshi has been forced back into Imperial Brother status, yet the first thing I noticed that actually changed between JinMao is how MaoMao takes initiative with him now. As soon as she learns an insect plague might be on the horizon, she dives into unprompted research and delivers her findings to Jinshi. She's no longer working at the palace or for Jinshi, but she still takes on the extra burden. She also takes initiative to get Jinshi some extra sleep (though she misinterprets his desire to not sleep alone). And later in the novel, when they're in the paper makers' village, MaoMao acts so cute when reapplying Jinshi's burn scar makeup. I'll let screenshots talk for me.
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Like man. She's so cute. And I wonder, if these two didn't have to deal with social standing and imperial drama, would we get way more of them just being cute and companionable? If MaoMao wasn't an unwitting member of the Who Wants To Be An Imperial Princess race, would her feelings for Jinshi have grown without so much pushing and urgency on his end?
But I digress. I think a lot of volume 5, especially once they reach their travel destination, is MaoMao trying her best to keep her blinders on even though she is in the thick of imperial drama. She's especially desperate with regards to the blazingly obvious fact that a certain someone of very high status is in love with her. I think the end of chapter 6 does a very good job of driving home one of the major reasons why MaoMao is reluctant to trust Jinshi's feelings.
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To add fuel onto this unfortunate fire is that MaoMao, as an unmarried courtesan's daughter, was attacked as an infant by her mother, sought after by fucking Lakan of all people, ignored while crying as a baby, and forcibly taught sex (to the point of tears!). She also had to cover for Luomen's own eccentricities, specifically ensuring they had enough money to feed themselves. MaoMao, to put it shortly, has been taught not to believe she can attain anything beyond her very simple life of being a lowly apothecary.
And then here's Jinshi who, as a prince, has been forced to grow up fast & have all his favorite things taken away from him. I think MaoMao is the first time he ever wanted a person. He is, for lack of a better word, obsessed with her. I think a lot of his pushiness & tendency to be clingy with her is him desperately trying to make sure he doesn't lose her. If he makes her his wife, then, well, she can't leave.
And I think the choking scene is him finally at his breaking point. At this point, he has lavished her with gifts, been very forward sexually with her twice, and given her a new hairpin that is essentially this story's version of a promise ring. It's MaoMao's repression/reluctance vs. Jinshi's desperation and so far she's winning.
But then she pushes him past his breaking point and he takes physical action against her. MaoMao responds by performing an unspecified sexual act on him.
So why don't I personally take this scene as sexual assault?
Mainly because I think the people actually guilty of sexual assault her are the Verdigris House women who forced MaoMao to learn sex.
As far as I understand it, whether MaoMao can actually say no to Jinshi is left up to interpretation. If we're talking on social status terms, she can't say no. But if you look at Jinshi's overall treatment of her, both before and after this scene, I very much think MaoMao can say no and instead chooses to defuse the situation.
Because what isn't for interpretation, however, is MaoMao's abysmal impression of what love and sex can actually be for her. So she defuses a situation by using sex, something she herself doesn't like, and doesn't allow Jinshi to reciprocate, which leaves him feeling terrible, too.
I want to be clear. I do think Jinshi is in the wrong for physically attacking MaoMao. But the sexual portion of the scene, at least to me, falls squarely on the shoulders of MaoMao's fucked up backstory.
Anyway, I think I've typed for long enough. I am using the official translations of the light novel for this analysis, so if any fans have access to alternate translations or WN only knowledge that throw my analysis in the trash bin, please let me know (fyi puedo leer el español).
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moodymisty · 6 months ago
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Honestly cringefail space marines are more fun sometimes. Since they just completely destroy any expectations you could have about a Brave And Noble space marine, this isn’t a hero who cares about humanity this is a guy from the imperium’s most toxic family who could not give two shits about you (except in the situations where he has to. and of course it angers to no end). “He’s the Emperors grandson!” Oh so the apple really didn’t fall too far from the tree in this instance.
And while sweet and kind space marines do make me giggle and twirl my hair. Space marines who are losers (or are mean, or uncaring, or insufferable, or stubborn, or even possibly heretical) make the perfect type of guy to annoy. And he can’t get visibly mad at you for it because why is he, an astartes, beefing with some mortal? Impeccable really
Oh I totally agree with you, fucking loser™ Astartes are the best boys to poke at and try and make them all angry. They simultaneously hate baseline humans and act like they're 'above' all of this garbage but also why aren't you paying attention to him???? Why are you laughing with that other marine? How dare you make fun of him!!!!
On a less serious note
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bakawitch · 5 months ago
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Continuing this nonsense au
(I can't draw right now, and I need to get it out of my system)
Marinette is best friends with Chloé (they're the mean girls)
She's the daughter of the most famous/expensive confectioners in all of Paris
She's a klepto and pick pockets the ladybug miraculous from Fu before he could give it to an appropriate holder
Her hero name is Lady Vermilion
She is the sole defence against Hawkmoth for a while and is perceived very positively by the public
Sabrina takes on Marinette's canon role and is constantly victimised by Chloé and Marinette
Que Alya's transfer to the class, her and Sabrina become fast friends and they bond over their mutual love for Lady Vermilion
Sabrina passes one of Fu's dumb tests and gets the black cat miraculous - becomes Calico
After Fu sees Alya help Calico while Lady Ver is down from an akuma attack, he gives her the dog miraculous
Alya becomes Huntara and Calico and her partner up!
(Fetch has a different ability, I don't know what yet, but it's something stronger. Maybe it's something like stealing distance between the user and targets the ball hit? Dunno lol)
After the akuma gets defeated, Lady Ver welcomes them to the hero business and tells them that one day, they might be as great as her if they try hard enough, because this time they definitely just got lucky
Lady Ver is fake nice to them in a condescending and belittling way, she's very angry and concerned that they might steal her spotlight
Alya and Sabrina are unaware of each others' secret identities because they don't know each other well enough to know if they're acting out of character or trying to cover for something but they will figure it out eventually
They do hero stuff, and Lady Ver usually steals the spotlight
She usually only appears for very dangerous akumas and lets Calico and Huntara deal with the small fries
Enter Adrien- dun dun dun!
He's also a mean girl™
Marinette still has a thing for him, but Adrien and Chloé are too oblivious to notice her advances and
Something something happens, Marinette gets the opportunity to snatch the bee miraculous from Fu
She gives it to Chloé and reveals her secret identity to her, believing that as a duo, they have better chances to rival the rising in popularity cat and dog duo
Chloé becomes Queen Frelon
Seeing the increasing amount of miraculous in play, Hawkmoth recruits his disgruntled estranged son and gives him the broken peacock miraculous (father of the year, ladies and gentlemen)
Adrien becomes Fanfare and almost immediately gets sick after detransforming
(He's probably not a senti-baby here...? Idk)
Fanfare eventually recruits Lady Vermillion and Queen Frelon from the shadows to start his own cause because there is no way that he's going to give the ladybug and black cat miraculous to his incompetent father
Queen Frelon and Lady Ver start openly sabotaging Calico and Huntara and try to set them up as fall guys for Fanfare's plan
Love square is Huntara/Alya->Calico->Alya<-Sabrina
Felix arrives and eliminates Hawkmoth/Gabriel with Adrien/Fanfare's help after figuring out their identities
Felix gets the butterfly and becomes Jaded Majesty
Lady Ver and Queen Frelon fully switch sides, and Lady Ver uses her influence to start portraying Huntara and Calico as villains, and the heroes become wanted criminals
The new actual villain team carefully craft a plan through which they will practically have full control over Paris
The goal is still to get the black cat from Calico, but their wish is now to heal Adrien
And yeah, that's as far as I have this au roughly outlined XD
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hogwartslegacyreactions2 · 7 months ago
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biased as always, the number one Anne Stan, ofc i gotta christen this returned account with my girl <3
hlc react to mc developing a crush on anne? from the consistent visits to feldcroft to the occasional outing that mc can take her on, it’s obvious they’re growing to be a little more than friends…
A/N: Anne Sallow simping content coming right up lol
HLC REACT TO MC CRUSHING ON ANNE SALLOW
It all started the day Sebastian introduced MC to her. Even with her tired eyes, they were enraptured by her sweet voice and good nature despite being in such pain. Even if Anne was convinced there was no real help for her, MC was determined to make life just a bit more enjoyable.
At first, It was letters with little gifts. Those turned into visits without Sebastian tailing them. Eventually, sneaking Anne out of the house for some "fresh air." Even without Sebastian around, her uncle was rather unpleasant. Always hovering, to the point of being overbearing.
Their most memorable date outing by far has to have been when MC offered to fly her up the hill on their broom to overlook Feldcroft. She sat sidesaddle on the handle in front of MC and she held on to them as they gently glided up into the air. MC struggled to focus on where they were going having her so close.
So close in fact, that if MC hadn't been so distracted, maybe they would have heard the faint but distinctive whisper of ancient magic coming from the scar on her side.
SEBASTIAN SALLOW: He gets suspicious when MC starts asking too many Anne centric questions. Then he gets REAL suspicious when he walked in on MC and Anne playing wizard's chess. He hadn't announced that he was going, so he was shocked to see MC with his sister alone.
Protective Brother™ mode activated. What were they playing at? His sister had enough to deal with right now, she didn't need MC drooling all over her. He doesn't fall for any of MC's excuses, no one visits Anne more than he does, not even her old school friends. There was no way MC's intentions were "just being friendly".
He keeps an eagle eye out for MC. If he can't find them anywhere, he goes straight to Feldcroft to break up the fraternizing. Anne will have to tell him off multiple times.
OMINIS GAUNT: He doesn't know this is going on until Anne casually mentions it in her letters. This....he struggles with this. Anne is very special to him. They'd been close since first year, she was one of his first and few friends and now she...she seems so...taken by MC.
He wrestles with his own pride and self loathing. He should have said something sooner. He should have told her how much he....it didn't matter now. MC was braver. She doesn't deserve a coward like him anyway. He's happy she's happy. That's all that matters...right?
IMELDA REYES: She knew Anne. They were on the Slytherin quidditch team together before Anne fell ill. She reads about Anne and MC in letters and snorts. She advises Anne to not be so quick to admire MC, they aren't that amazing.
NATSAI ONAI: She finds it absolutely adorable. MC always thinks of Anne, constantly asking her if Anne will like what they've found or bought. Even asks for advice, not that she knows much about relationships, but she tries her best.
GARRETH WEASLEY: He gets nosey, seeing MC almost always nose deep in a letter that smells floral with a touch of birch. He'll poke fun that they're infatuated with their special pen pal and not so subtly imply that he has the perfect potion in mind if they want to speed things along. *Wink*
LEANDER PREWETT: Anne who? Sebastian's sister? Pfffft, good luck with that. Sebastian is a bulldog when it comes to family. Very protective, almost possessive.
AMIT THAKKAR: He first realizes that MC is acting strange when they started daydreaming heavily in class. Even in the more interesting classes. What's got them all starry-eyed and distracted from learning? ....he should have known. A girl.
EVERETT CLOPTON: He hears about it second hand from someone else who heard MC and Sebastian going at it over MC seeing Anne without supervision. Rumors spread like wildfire, especially when the arguably most interesting person at Hogwarts apparently developed a crush on Sallow's sister and was sneaking around with her. Made for very juicy gossip.
POPPY SWEETING: She hears about it through the rumor mill as well and tells MC to fly in on a hippogriff next time. That always impresses the ladies, trust her on this.
ANNE SALLOW: MC brought some color back into her life. They wanted to know all about her, they showered her with gifts, and would come to see her even without reason. She caught on fast that MC fancied her and she had fun playing coy.
Oh, MC wants to know what she likes for her birthday? What an odd, totally random question. MC has been staring at her for the last five minutes, not realizing she's stopped talking, how interesting. She loved pointing out MC's blatantly odd behavior and watching them fluster within an inch of their life. It's the Slytherin in her, she thinks it's funny.
When MC starts asking for more private outings, that's when she really starts to feel special. MC was willing to accommodate her in any way she needed. If she grew exhausted from a walk, they would carry her back. If she was having a particularly rough day with the curse, they'd tend to her hand and a foot, almost fussing as much as Sebastian. Almost.
The time MC flew her up the hill to the lookout, she felt herself falling, in the figurative sense. MC may have fallen for her first, but she fell harder. Holding on to them as they flew, she couldn't take her eyes off their face. She almost kissed them. She didn't, however, miss the fact that her scar hurt a lot less that day.
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heterophobicdyke · 7 days ago
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what bothers me about newwave of feminism where you can't tell a woman she's at fault Ever™ is that you're painted as victim blamer if you want women to take care of themselves. like i don't think women dimension how much men hate them and how they should distrust all men by default. of course i'll always stand and defend a woman that has been taken advantage of but i also need them to be distrustful enough to not put themselves in a situation where they depend/have to trust in the men's "decency" or "self control." they need to stop financially depending on them, going out for drinks with them, putting themselves in their hands completely and then getting surprised when they turn against them. it tires me up. it'll keep happening as long as they keep trusting them and i can do nothing but just hope for the best.
literally. even radical feminists will share studies and news stories and lament about male violence all day. but when you say radical feminists should stop dating men for a myriad of feminist reasons, they take it as you restricting their freedom, being a predatory dyke after their pussy and/or victim blaming. mainly the latter. as if we couldn't possibly be saying "stop giving men the time of day" for similar reasons we all agree that prostitution, botox and "feminine" gossipy cliques are feminist issues: they're holding back female liberation.
yes, a woman can be heterosexual and live a fulfilled life without men. but radical feminists are saying otherwise. a heterosexual woman not dating anyone, or a bisexual woman who only dates women, are not lesbians. i'm anti-polilez. a lesbian can point out how male/female relationships ruin potential for female liberation without wanting everyone to identify as lesbians. shock! horror!
male/female relationships de-feminist a woman. we see this with our friends, sisters, mothers, aunties, grandmothers. the closer a woman is to osa men, the less feminist she believes and behaves. we've all had the experience of our supportive, feminist friends abandoning every woman she knows the moment she gets a man. it's not just his fault! every step a woman takes towards men is a step away from women.
this all talk, women can't do wrong, allying w the misogynistic/homophobic far right over a single issue (trans) while defending relationships with osa men bull shit is why i don't relate to radical feminism. you talk so much about males in our bathrooms when you can't even kick them outta your bed.
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