Tumgik
#but this is gonna be. fucking difficult. for a while.
audliminal · 21 hours
Text
It's just a game, right?
"I just don't see how sitting around is gonna do anything!" Dash argues, face to face with Sam.
"Well, if you have other ideas you're more than welcome to offer them, but we can't just take out the giw. They have more manpower than us, more equipment, and the new agents actually seem to be competent in fights! And we are a bunch of high school students!"
They are all, ostensibly in English Class right now, but even Mr. lancer has forgone the illusion of normal classwork. He assigns books and hands out reading assignments every week, but nobody really cares whether they get turned in or not. The city, after all, has a much bigger problem.
"I don't know! But sitting here-"
"He's not entirely wrong, the longer we wait the more likely they figure it out, just like we all did." As Valerie finishes speaking, the room temperature drops noticeably, and the kids all glance nervously over at Danny who's head hasn't moved from it's spot on his desk. He almost seems dead with how still he is. Beside him Tucker stares at his PDA, the only one who hasn't reacted to the temperature change.
"Should I even ask what you're messing with?" Sam asks, walking over while the others stare nervously at Danny.
"Actually, yeah." Tucker easily shifts so they can both see the webpage displayed on the handmade tech. "I got something through."
"I thought getting stuff through wasn't really the problem?"
"I mean, yeah, they're letting Everything Is Normal posts through, but this wasn't. That. I was, um, kind of fucking around with ciphers and shit? Not saying anything relevant, but just seeing whether they'd flag any old weird shit, you know? And um. I got a video out."
"Okay, but how does that help us?" Valerie asks.
"It helps because if they let a cipher through then means if I encode shit well enough, then it'll also get through."
"But if it's, like, that hard to figure out what it says, then won't it be useless on the outside?"
"The chances of it getting into the hands of someone who could crack it do seem, uh, improbable."
"Not if we stack the deck."
"Wes-"
"No, listen, I know you're all still mad at me, but like. If you can attract a community of codebreakers? Then eventually someone will crack the code on what you need them to!"
"If you have an idea then just fucking say it, Wes," Sam snaps.
"Make an ARG. We can even have like, the base level be completely United to anything real, just make up a story about, i dunno, space travel? And then bury the actual info beneath that. Eventually somebody will crack into the real stuff, and if it's popular enough by then, and the GIW tries to suppress it? That'll be even more suspicious-looking, and just make them dig harder."
"What the fuck is a ARG?" Dash asks, pulling his gaze away from their definitely-just-sleeping classmate.
"Augmented reality game. It's like an unfiction thing. Make a story but the story is interactive and people have to decode shit to figure out what's going on." Tucker glances over to Wes. "And actually not a bad idea. If we all work together, we could probably make something cool."
"You could treat it as a class-wide project." Mr. Lancer says, making everyone jump. "That way I can back you up if anyone starts asking questions."
"Make it about black holes," Danny says, finally pulling himself up from his desk. "We can base it in wormhole theory, and distract the GIW with all the theoretical science."
"What, so like we make videos that seem like they're being sent through a black hole?"
"Fuckin. Sure, why not? As if shit couldn't get any weirder around here."
"Star, please try to refrain from swearing in front of me. I know the situation is - difficult - but I am officially still your teacher."
"Sorry, Lancer."
109 notes · View notes
itachiiwrites · 8 hours
Text
❝𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧 𝐠𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫!❞
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader
Plot: An argument over a remote control surely couldn't turn into hot sex right?
Minors and Ageless blogs DNI.
Content and Warnings : 18+, MDNI, female reader smut, fluff, crack?, make up sex, cockwarming, mating press, creampie, clit play, satoru and reader are not married but he is a bit delulu, satoru is annoying (but so loveable), big dick satoru, passionate satoru. English is not my first language pls be nice
Tumblr media
Satoru will never miss an opportunity to be the egotistical prince he is, and he'll take that gaping chance to tease you so pompously, that you wouldn't mind slapping his stupidly handsome face with his stupidly handsome dimpled grin if it weren't for him fucking you so rauchily after a heated argument. He'll make sure to purposely thrust into you painstakingly slow, it was almost like not moving at all. It didn't help that he was still as a lake inside you from the past few hours.
"Impatient enough?" He knew he was easy on the eyes and how hard it made for you to resist and remain with your ego after a fight, especially when he worshipped you even with his mocking words.
"Satoru..fucking move already—" You arch your back, moving yourself on his still cock, desperate and needy, feeling his each vein ridging against your warm, cloy, walls.
"Aw..too much for you? Mh..? Your sweet pussy just clenches harder when I do this.." He cockily speaks, hovering over you, his big strong arms propped onto the mattress, getting a good view of your pussy stuffed full of his lengthy cock and your tits—, his tits spilled out for him.
The rapid flicking of your swollen clit with his index and middle finger makes you reach out your hand to slap his away, the metalic taste of blood hit your taste buds, the bite on your lower lip stopped you to almost push aside your pride and say that you wanted it harder. But you didn't, your body did, feeling the ecstatic pinch of a building orgasm.
He lets out a throaty, enraptured laugh when you raise your hand to slap his away, the desperateness and your duclet sighs not amiss by him. What were you two fighting about again? Satoru would prefer being a dead man if he had to pick between leaving you to sulk after an argument and dying.
He hummed deeply, immediately grasping your wrists to pin them down to the either sides of your head, his sheer strength holding you down. He leaned in, grazing his lips against yours but not quite kissing you, depriving you of that doting intimacy because he wanted you to suffer a bit more. How dare you try to break up with him? Again a hyperbole in Satoru's mind. It was something very measly in reality and you weren't gonna break up with him.
"Just say it baby..just say you want me to fuck you harder..make love to you, tell me how much you love me..come on sweets.."
"Shut up.. you're so annoying.." You spat but your body was a pure antithesis to that statement when you grinded yourself onto his cock.
"Really..? You beg all annoying people to fuck you baby..? I'm jealous" He pushed further, smirking, the mirth in his voice so clear.
"You-"
"Okay fine! I'll do my job! Don't be so difficult.." He tuted, now the one sulking like a child, though pretentiously as if he himself didn't want to give you a mauling fuck. He didn't care if he had to desperately apologise, you were just so cute to him when you were annoyed.
The next words died down in your throat and that acid in your tone was soon cut off and replaced with coarse, sweet moans, your pupils blown wide when he suddenly bucked up and moved his hips to hit is tip to the hilt with an anchoring grip on your waist. The hit was nothing but brute force, while his face was calm but hazed with lust, a sickening, consuming lust for you, his wife. Although you weren't married yet, in his head you already became Mrs. Gojo the moment he first laid with you.
"You know what? No. You shut up, I've had enough of your bullshit...you're not mad at me anymore..yeah..? You got that..?" He cooes to you not concerned about the gaslighting, in complete contrast to the way his cock was ruthlessly splitting your cunt apart, the sticky, stringy webby mess of your arousal and his pearly cum only made it easier for him fuck you like a fleshlight. The fused sounds of your synchronised moans filled the room with the creaking of the bed underneath.
"Oh.. yeah, just like that Toru..yeah..harder..I love you..m' so close.." You cling onto him, his words proving right as you could do nothing but dwindle down into the pleasurable mess he turned you into, you simply couldn't be mad at him for long. "See? Was that so difficult..? thaaat's it, fucking make a mess on your husband's cock..cum." The soft parting of your lips and the vice grip of your cunt made him almost roll his eyes back at your release.
Husband.
Your nails clawed the beefy mass of his arm, eyes in an outerwordly daze that made him fall for you even more if that was possible at all. Fuck. You were so beautiful to him, he'd make you angry and pound you like this like this all over again if it meant he got to see this visual again. He would never get used to it.
"Toru- mh..yeah.."
"Fuuuck..ha..I love you..M'sorry baby.." He slurred completely enamoured by you and heavenly cunt. Satoru felt his dick just twitch inside you when you told him you loved him, a spark buzzed through his head as if your declaration of love was the only salvation he needed, his confident voice now pleading and needy. He grunted, scooping up your legs from the calves to press your thighs to your chest, plunging into you in a mating press.
"I love you, I love you, I love you..fuuck! Fuck..!" He whimpered loudly, shamelessly while spelling out how he loved you, out so hopelessly. His hips gave in few sharp rams, burying himself deep with a single strong thrust, caulking you with his thick seed, his moans deep and guttural.
He didn't even bother pulling out, letting his weight be on top of yours snugly. He kissed you, with all tongue and teeth in languidity. The palpable tension in the room from earlier now replaced with the scent of sex, sweat, the gentle click sounds of lingering kisses. Satoru let out a deep huff, shifting his body next to yours with a plop on the bed before burying his face into your chest again, pressing damp kisses onto the swell of your breasts, exactly onto the spots where he marked you as his with pretty purple abrasions. His slender digits snaked down to spread apart your labia to watch his cum drop out of you. He always loved that debauched slight.
"If you being mad means I get to fuck you like this.. I'm getting you mad everyday.." He chuckled, blowing an air bubble on your skin. Idiot.
"Oh my god. I'm not fighting over the stupid remote again and stop calling yourself my husband—"
"Sorry for acting like that, it will happen again~" Ofcourse he had no remorse.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
m.list! ₊˚⊹ ʚɞ♡︎ ˚⋅.
86 notes · View notes
rainybyday · 1 day
Text
This is mostly based on these three ideas I had circling in my little head please send help. 
Warring States Period - First Idea
Kaguya won in this timeline and only Team Seven survived, both past and present (Sakura, Naruto, Sai, Sasuke, Tenzo, Kakashi, and Obito (all in a total of seven :D)), and so they went into a new timeline as they used their last bit of Chakra to destroy their timeline so Kaguya will never escape and take over other dimensions 
Relationships 
ObKk because I somehow am in a toxic yaoi shipper cycle, god help
Sasuke and Sakura will stay together because I have a massive pin collection with amazing pins of these two so it made me biased
Naruto and Sai are without any partners since their timeline got fucked
Pray
Ok so let me go over some little details I like to have
Uchihas love so fucken deeply its not even funny so when their loved ones are threatened, all hell breaks loose,
Hatakes are a feral clan and while they are seen as “domestic” in modern times not so much in the Warring States, there are two reactions. One (stupid) people will try to fight them to scare them off (ha) or are scared to high heaven and back away from them
Hatakes have fangs and have habits like touching and calling their close ones pack and mate and pup if considered pack 
Yes all of his students are his pups and Tenzo is affectionately called a sapling once he realizes that is a THING for Senju’s to say to their young
Tenzo secretly loves it
But before he never said it out loud since, you know, trauma
Hatakes are territorial of their pack so if anyone messes with their pack when they can’t handle it you are going to wake up with your throat being ripped apart from Hatake teeth
Having a Hatake and Uchiha couple might be a pair made in shinobi heaven if I think in that sense
Fear them
Kakashi gives head pats like it is free candy
Everyone decided to have the Hatake clan symbol on them to place a barrier between them and other warring clans because no one likes to mess with Hatakes (only dumb people do, aka, the political greedy people)
Oh wait I found my plot!
Sakura is still considered a civilian during this time, with no family name or any of that sort since, back then, a civilian was too poor to have a last name, so she, alongside Sai, are now Hatake. 
Since Hatake’s have a pack mentality they do have the occasion of adopting outside their clan and giving their last name, however, there have been very few cases in which a clan outsider is adopted into the Hatake. Usually, this is issued to the clan head of that clan and things will get sorted out. But, because Sasuke, Naruto, and Tenzo are time travelers, no one knows of them nor are they official in the clan registry they don’t do that. 
 Bastard children if you will, and while it's possible for both Naruto and Tenzo that is going to be difficult to tell with Sasuke and Obito
So they decided not to use their last names in such situations unless officially asked if they were of [instert clan here] and just said they are by blood
After all, last names are a claim so they are careful to say they are a Uchiha, Uzumaki, or Senju
Do they claim them?
I mean no?????
Let's say no
They are blood-related but do not claim name, claim blood, not name. If named they are shipped to the clan’s compound and goodbye pack member. 
NOT ON KAKASHI’S WATCH
Ok so, timeline!
I’m gonna make it about maybe a year or more before the death of Inzuma
Just because I can and because tension is still there
But not THE tension if you know what I mean
I want Tobirama to feel like something is wrong with the Chakra signatures floating around but I want Hashirama to know first what the actual problem is with the forest warning him about a pack he should not cross
Why the forest?
Because they feel another person with the forest within them
Aka Tenzo
Case and point
They find Sasuke first by accident
It was a patrol of Senju who found him and immediately didn’t know what to do but they had to capture the thing because obviously it was a Uchiha
They corner him and they are about to catch him when the trees start to move
At first, they think it's their clan head who came to trap him 
But no
The branches are capturing THEM and leaving the Uchiha alone
So now they are confused
Confused they see a man with short chestnut hair come out from nowhere, take the Uchiha into his arms, and warns them that they shouldn't mess with a Hatake cub
And
Disappears
They promptly freak the fuck out
I'll add more later and edit more of my other two ideas cus I can. Nice to do a break on the dcxdp fandom not gonna lie.
22 notes · View notes
muffinrag · 5 months
Text
what's up everybody. who wants to hear about my fucking situation
i live with a lesbian couple, they own a house and I stay in one of their spare rooms. They've been together for like. twenty years. I met them on overwatch about 8 years ago. just to be clear, my relationship with both of them is completely platonic.
well, about... four days ago? time is a soup. One of them, H, "went out for weed" and didnt come back. complete communication shut down. this woman literally pulled the "my dad went out for cigarettes and never came back" stunt, except her children are cats. whatever. anyway
day one, she sends a single text - to ME. not to her fucking goddamn wife. she texts ME. I think mainly because I kinda texted her and scolded her for being "childish and straight up fucking mean." but all she said was "I'm safe"
which, great, okay, thanks.
so her wife, my other roommate, S, was having an absolute mental break because her wife just left with absolutely zero warning or explanation and won't talk to her. Now me, I'm a simple bitch with a lot of emotional repression. I'm doing my best but oh my god.
day two there's still nothing. S was trying to contact H's friends and figure out what in the shitting hell just happened. we basically sat on the couch and watched TV all day.
Day three S finally starts getting information from H's best friend - apparently H thinks she has bipolar disorder and also that she might be a system. Also that she's extremely manic and staying with an old "friend" who is like, hugely toxic and manipulative. (This friend nearly caused H and S to break up a few years ago.) Also turns out she's cheating on S with this friend and has also been cheating online for years. Also that she plans to stay with this friend "indefinitely."
so. Jesus fucking Christ.
S and I went to her bank and got her a new bank account because H started spending money from the shared account, which was S's only account. After that another friend came over to help keep her company and we watched a lot more TV.
end of day three the stress got to me and I came down with some nasty fucking cold. (it's not COVID, I tested.) So I've been hiding in my bedroom for two days. The same friend was over to keep S company yesterday, thank god for him.
and on top of that, my new job has scheduled me for exactly 3 shifts during the next two months.
so. fuck
5 notes · View notes
dukeofthomas · 24 days
Text
I'm so mad that so far the only good robin!jason content i've ever found is his original run. Everything i've seen since has just been making him out to be the Angry Bad Problem Child and victim blaming him for dying. How is it that the only fucking good characterization of him is 20 issues from the 1980s
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#jaybin#robin jason todd#i love jaybin so much but by god there is no fucking content#ppl are just obsessed w making him out to be Bad and Angry to make him becoming red hood make more sense in their heads#look thats what he was always going to be. that what he was always on the track for. look at how angry and unstable he was#SHUT UPPP#from comics anything told to me abt his time as robin after his death means nothing to me#everyone has a different version of canon in their mind and mine will never include a single bit of info abt jaybin said after his death#i have the most horrible brainrotting ''he would not fucking say that'' abt jaybin. nobody gets him like i dooo#<- said as someone who has been angry and problematic and difficult since a young age bc of trauma and mental illness and shit#AND JASON WASNT EVEN HALF AS BAD AS ME#im gonna go reread his og robin run. my safe space#sorry im being soooo annoying abt jaybin rn i just. i love him#i feel like most people only see jaybin as the precursor to red hood#jaybin is only worth something as the backstory of red hood#which like. its fine to like the red hood version of him most#but i like jaybin :( he's my robin. like if there's a robin in a story i'd want it to be jason#so many fics would be sooo good to me if they did not unnecessarily have jason arguing with bruce abt the no-kill thing while STILL ROBIN??#like what are we doing thereeee#ok sorry im done being annoying and venty and whiny now
36 notes · View notes
bookrat · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media
Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches
57 notes · View notes
jenna-louise-jamie · 6 months
Text
thinking about yassen gregorovich instead of sleeping (because i love him) and how he is a catalyst. yassen stabbs ash -> ash kills john rider -> ian rider raises alex -> yassen kills ian rider -> mi6 blackmails alex into becoming a teenage spy.
i have so many thoughts that i can't properly articulate. obviously this is a simplified chain of events, but yassen and his choices set off a chain reaction of the world's most unfortunate dominos. especially when you read russian roulette. to be clear im not necessarily trying to blame him for everything because that feels very mean. he was also just a 14 year old kid when everything in his life went wrong, just like alex. only difference being yassen literally had no one.
i think i should write an essay about this because i haven't even gotten into my thoughts about what yassen and alex's dynamic would look like past eagle strike. i would imagine it'd be similar to ellie and joel from the last of us part 2.
where obviously yassen loves alex and alex on some level cares for yassen back but struggles to reconcile that with the fact that yassen is responsible for his uncle's death. a very unforgivable act. it would be so messy and complicated and angsty, because on one hand here is an adult who truly cares about him and has a connection with him through his father. yassen could tell alex about john, and trust that yassen truly wants whats best for him. but he killed ian, and he cannot take that back.
while alex reels from those feelings, yassen is also trying to reconcile his love of alex with the knowledge that he on some level is responsible for the suffering alex endured at the hands of mi6. and possibly even the fact that alex's godfather is the one who killed john and helen.
53 notes · View notes
dylanlila · 4 months
Text
I AM SMART!!!!! i am very smart, i am done with bringing myself down I AM A SMART PERSON... and i am ESPECIALLY smart for medicine.
14 notes · View notes
what-the-fuck-khr · 5 months
Text
GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY IM BACK I HAVE ANSWERS so we looked at my teeth etc and I’m not gonna die of sepsis bc despite all the shit my toothache caused me there’s no infection. so what was it, Bronwyn? good question!
wisdom teeth
#LMFAO#my wisdom teeth are……… so poorly angled. 100% impact on all four#and the left one is tryna make moves so it’s swelling my gums which is raising my molar#and jacking up my bite while the tooth is sensitive in sensitive gums#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#so he suggested just. get rid of them. take the wisdom teeth out. all 4 bc of the possible impact from them#and if I didn’t I’d just periodically have this crazy ass pain come and go and come and go and fuck THAT so. removal it is#👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻#I have no idea what that’s gonna cost lmfao so we’ll…. we’ll see#and today basically the pain hasn’t been nearly as severe. the swelling has gone down significantly. so I think the pain/problem is#subsiding for a bit. I hope. lol. so they’re referring me to the dental hospital teehee#and then we did a clean of my teeth bc I have crazy plaque buildup and thus bacteria and thus making the issue worse. apparently. so#which isn’t a surprise. depression and adhd means I don’t brush my teeth as often as I should. and floss is scary#while doing that he seemed to have no problems with any of my fillings so I assume they’re fine atm too#all those side effects bc my wisdom tooth wants to play up…….. attention seeker#also between that molar and the gums where the wisdom tooth is. there’s a pocket. apparently. and stuff is getting stuck in there apparently#a pocket……. head in hands. and obviously that’s difficult to clean so that’s also bothering my gums and thus my tooth. GOD#ooc#anyways that’s the dentist update. tldr; I’m fucking fine it’s just wisdom teeth fucking it all up
7 notes · View notes
lucky-clover-gazette · 7 months
Text
i’d be such a girlfriend. like i’d go so hard on the girlfriending. absolutely tragic that no one is currently girlfriended by me
7 notes · View notes
Text
y'know sometimes I go to make a post on this here webbed site, and I almost always end up deletin it cause I measure it through the "how widely applicable is this" + "how horribly can people twist this" metrics and it just stops my little fingies from typin
(this turned into me typing an essay in the tags cause I very much did need to process some shit lmao)
#I have thoughts I wanna get out there#but also I have had people threaten me and harrass me for far less than my thoughts of#'hey maybe my community isn't fuckin normal about trans women' and#'you can be fucked in the gender and also not use transmisogynistic stereotypes and terminologies to do that'#while also pointing out that transmasculine experiences are frequently ignored erased minimized and criticized habitually#(I have eliminated my worries via tag talk lmao so i will keep on processin down here)#Like idk its such a difficult intersection of shit because obviously a lot of transmasculine folks have experienced primarily if not only#other transmasc spaces online and have some deep set transmisogyny going on and then also the other way around of a lot of transfeminine#folk have primarily if not only interacted within transfem spaces and have deep set transmisogyny goin on#(which I'm not gonna argue on transmisogyny being a transfem only word or about transandrophobia or anti-transmasculinity my verbige is#constantly changing around this topic because of the shit that gets hurled at transmascs that use any of the transmasc specific words or th#OG word that applies to the misogyny experienced and intertwined with transness just: language is hard and imperfect so I'm using what I'm#using right now)#and anyway so those two groups of folk clash on their own and have a lot of strained and difficult communication and then there's a third#group that intentionally causes further rifts by trolling and sending hate anons and making accounts pretending to be transfem or transmasc#and shitting on ''the other side'' (heavy HEAVY quotations on that one)#and that all combines into an absolute clusterfuck of lack of understanding or sympathy from either 'side' of things for the other#there is just a lack of fundamental knowledge about our brothers sisters and others shared between us all and it is INFURIATING
8 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
Text
...
#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
8 notes · View notes
elias-the-corvid · 1 month
Text
My partner: I have a difficult home life, am poor, my mom won't pay attention to me and I have to take care of my baby brothers. Often times I'm left alone for days so I have to cook, clean, and take them to school by myself.
Teacher: Okay but school is your main responsibility. You have to get here on time as part of your responsibility. Also we can't know if what you're saying is true unless your mom comes here and confirms it. I will continue to make fun of you for falling asleep on class, getting here late and not doing your homework.
Me (internally): DID YOU NOT HEAR A SINGLE WORD HE SAID
2 notes · View notes
goldnhourwrites · 4 months
Text
not to be sad but every time i try digital art i get so disappointed in the results because i just can't get anything to look the way i want it to. and yes i am aware that if i practice i will get better but it's hard to practice when i don't feel joy in it. and this isn't a problem i'm having with physical art so i don't even know where to go from here. i am dragging myself through this kicking and screaming because if i want to get better (i do) i have to keep trying (i will) im just gonna be kinda angsty about it for a little while
4 notes · View notes
g0thsoojin · 2 months
Text
🌩
#it is so difficult bc EVERYTHING reminds me of him#like every single thing....#when the sun hits in a certain way i 'remember' daydreams i've had where we walk together in the sun#like my daydreaming world is very vivid and big..#so it's very intense for me :/#and when it rains and thunders i ache bc one ofmybiggest daydreams#was to be held & also ofc have sex with him while it rains and thunders outside early in the morning...#i have built up and dreamed an entire life for us in my head#and i truly for the first time in my life WANTED it and was willing to be brave enough to do whatever it took to get there#and make it real!!!#but i felt so rejected by him time and time again after out first 2 months of intense contact every day#and when i told him i was in love with him and wanted to work it out#he didnt tell me anything of his feelings only that he had sm other things going on and he had no idea how to give me attention etc etc#or like give me anything bc he was so caught up in the chaos of his life. which i understood and wanted to give him space#and i didnt dare push it and just be like hiiiso iwanna move into u next week if i can ok bye#then iwaited and waited to just talk about it#and then he suddenly.... has a gf.....#and it just hurts so fucking bad and i wanted that reality with him#it is the ONLYYYYYY thing in my life that had made my heart come alive and now i have to let it go#i dont know how bc onlyholding his hand is smth i'd vhoose over like winning the lottery and getting rich#i want HIM so bad and i love HIM sm im gonna die
2 notes · View notes
Text
I've gotta go to the dentist again tomorrow. I got two fillings done on Thursday but they feel really rough and it's hurting my tongue (plus my brain doesn't stop noticing something like that so I'm constantly aware of it and it's exhausting), so I've got to get that fixed.
this time I have to drive myself, so I can't take any Lorazepam. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a quick visit anyway, at least this kind of thing has never taken long in the past, so. it should be fine, I know that. but I feel so shitty anyway. it's like the anxiety/fear is there right below the surface but it can't quite come out (probably thanks to the anxiety meds) so I just feel off all day. it sucks (though I much prefer this over the actual anxiety, that completely ruined the days leading up to anything like this).
12 notes · View notes