#but unfortunately I haven't been able to write in months due to my job so

[leondxs]

life/activity update! <3

I'll try to keep this semi short but tldr, I haven't been super active for a while for a multitude of reasons.

Despite breaking up with my ex last year, I unfortunately still live with him due to having no where else to go. We're civil but obviously it's super uncomfortable and enraging at times. (Not going to get into that tho I'd be ranting all night lmao) As weird as it is, I am grateful that he's let me stay for so long and didn't just kick me out.

BUT I am overjoyed to say that I will be able to move out potentially by the end of this month! I've been building a house for several years now and it is almost done. It's a cute little cabin in the woods not even five minutes from where both of my jobs are. It will be a literal dream come true for not only me but my pets as well.

I'm saying all this to let ya'll know that I am planning to become more consistently active once I move. I'm not on here much now mostly bc of working so much but also bc I am just so??? Mentally strained and foggy living with my ex. He drains me mentally and I've lost interest in 99% of my hobbies it feels like. I spend the majority of my time at home cleaning a house that is not mine and will never truly be clean or functional because he won't do anything. It is literally falling apart and he does not care. But I genuinely feel that once I'm out of here, I will have the mental clarity/desire to write and pursue my hobbies more often and consistently. This house is everything I've ever wanted and I feel that living in such an environment will do wonders for my mental health.

If you've read this far, thank you!! I tried to keep it short but ended up rambling and tbh that's not even all of it. This is really summarized lmao. I just wanted to update ya'll bc I feel like I've been so very distant the past few years. Not to get into it, but I have learned the hard way that being with the wrong person can ruin you without you even realizing. I am lucky that things have gone the way they did and that I didn't end up staying in the position I was in. I am already in so much better of a mental state that I ever have been.

This truly feels like the first step into the best part of my life and I am so eager to come back here and write with you all again!

[2boldlyqueer]

help a disabled queer fix their car this pride month (please!!)

Me (left) and my cute cat Cosmo (right) for attention

I am trying to raise $1500 to fix the transmission on my car, as it's currently undriveable. I have been out of work since early February due to a drunk driver rear-ending me while he was going 60mph. My family is helping me as much as they can, but it's going to take months to scrape this kind of money together without help, and until then I'm totally dependent on others being available when I have doctor's appointments. I haven't been able to go to physical therapy as often as I'm supposed to because of it, and I'm in a lot more pain because of it. 

DONATION LINKS

Paypal https://paypal.me/tastreg

CashApp https://cash.app/$tastreg

Venmo https://account.venmo.com/u/TonyGo12 

GoFundMe https://gofund.me/df8d4896

(If I happen to get incredibly lucky and get more than my goal, that money will go towards getting a new pair of glasses, since mine have been broken and held together by glue for two years now! TT-TT)

If you can’t give, please consider reblogging this post.

Thank you for reading!I hope you have a lovely day <3

More detail below the cut if you want it:

The Car

The transmission on my car is failing, and I can't drive it without fear that it'll give out any moment. There have already been a few scary moments where I thought I was going to be stuck in the middle of the road. I was able to get to the mechanic and get a quote, I need $1500 to fix the issue. (And that was before a second issue popped up on the way home, so it’s possible it’ll be more.)

Where I live, it's impossible to get anywhere without a car, so I'm really stuck and relying on the kindness of others to get me to my doctor's appointments, since I also can't afford taxis, plus Uber/Lyft don't service around here. This has already caused issues, as I've had to cut back on my physical therapy appointments due to not being able to get to them, and I've been doing a lot worse since then.

My Health & Monetary Situation

I've been unable to work since early February, as I've been recovering from a major accident, where I was rear-ended by a drunk driver. The car I had then was completely totalled; thankfully his insurance paid out just enough to get another cheap, used car. I've been dealing with major pain and health issues since. Pain and spasms in my hips and legs make it difficult to stand, sit, or walk for any amount of time. Multiple vertebrae throughout my spine are out of place, which cause a ton of constant pain and unpredictably variable numbness that makes my arms and hands useless when it happens. 

My work prior to the accident involves a lot of lifting and carrying, as well as repairs that require full control of my hands, so I haven't been able to return to it. I've actually picked up a new job remotely tutoring due to monetary needs, but it doesn't offer much in the way of hours and is difficult with the on-and-off brain fog and fatigue I've been experiencing since the accident. I'm in the process of being assessed for post-concussive syndrome because of that and new difficulties with language & numbers (which are driving me up the wall, I love writing and now I have to really work at it. This thing took me multiple days to write out when normally it would've taken me about half an hour.)

My credit cards are all maxed out from my last health crisis in 2021 and my credit score is too low to get another credit card right now. I'm just barely scraping by on lost wages from insurance and help from my family. Unfortunately, they can't support me any more than they already are, as we’re all straddling the poverty line and live in areas with high costs of living. I do have a civil suit pending against the man who hit me, but I don't expect that to resolve for at least a few months.

Thank you so much if you took the time to read all that. I really hope you consider donating -- even a dollar will help! Whether you donate or not, please consider sharing, it would really help me out. I hope you have a wonderful day! <3 To reward you for reading all that, have another cat pic :3

[brunchbitch]

thought i would do an update since it's been a while!

9/27/23

things are going well with settling in to seattle! i'm doing lots of wedding stuff - got measured for my dress and had a makeup trial last week so it's starting to feel real! 10 months from today! next steps are sending out save the dates and deciding on catering, which will be fun bc we get to taste test everything.

a is doing well! he is taking a creative writing course that starts this week, and hockey starts this week as well. the seattle kraken have an adult league with over 100 teams (!!). he had tryouts (i almost wrote auditions lol) a couple weeks ago and got placed in the second highest division! i'm excited to go see some games, but the first one is tomorrow night at 10:45!!!! so if that's any indication of average game times, maybe i won't make it lol.

it has been raining every day for about five days now... it's reminding me of one of the hardest parts of living in seattle. i need to invest in a happy lamp and get some vitamin d.

as for the job front, i'm feeling frustrated and, before calling the DOH this morning, very confused about my path towards being a licensed independent clinical social worker (licsw). the requirements are pretty different in seattle. you start out getting licensed as a social worker associate advanced (lswaa), which basically means i have the necessary education but haven't gotten required post grad supervision to apply for the next level, which is a licensed advanced social worker (lasw). i'm required to obtain 3200 hours of supervised experience under an licsw which, full time, would be about a year and a half. then i apply to be an lasw, and once i'm approved i can take my sw generalist exam. THEN to become an licsw, i need 4000 additional supervised hours (~2 years full time). so 3.5 years working full time before i can get my licsw, and then have to take the clinical exam. in ma, it would've taken 2 years to get my licsw. i'm not sure why wa state requires so much more, but it explains why the pay ranges have been higher than what i expected.

i've been studying for the exam, bc that's what would be the next step in boston. so that was wasted time lol. hopefully some of it will stick in my brain so i'm not starting from square one when i start studying again in ~a year and a half. so now i really need to just focus on getting a job. i've had one interview and they never even got back to me. i probably would've turned down the job anyway (not exactly what i was looking for - a lot of independent time and not much of an ability to collaborate with other social workers, which i think is important being a new grad), but it still would've been nice to be offered the job lol. i've been getting so discouraged but trying to remind myself that something will work out eventually. even if i hate the job, i can stick it out until i get my supervised hours at least. and then i can look elsewhere.

i have a screening today for a job that is pretty close by my house. it's a primary care center that serves a lot of people who have high resource needs. i was hoping for a more acute setting (like inpatient hospital), but it does seem some of the patients would be pretty acute. so we'll see how the screening goes.

mental health is good - i've really appreciated being able to see L again. still smoking a shit ton, which concerns her, but trying to do better this week.

luna and lia are good - they've definitely adjusted. lia is sleeping on top of her cat tree right now hehe. unfortunately luna is getting a dental done at the vet right now and she had to have two tooth extractions :(. she's had several extractions before due to resorptive lesions, but the last few years her teeth have been good so i was hoping they wouldn't have to take any out. so she'll be on pain medication for a few days, but she's been through that before. i'm going to shower her with love when she gets home!

[the-fiction-witch]

I am not okay.

I have tried not to burden everyone on here with my goings on because I've pretty much been convicted knowone wants to hear it or knowone cares. But I'm not okay. It's as simple as that I'm not okay. I have for the last week to two weeks been having various stages of a mental breakdown and I have tried so hard just to push thought and write because it's been the only thing thats given me much to hold onto and much stability but even now that has began to frankly crumble apart. For anyone who cares, my day job which supports me and allows me to pay my bills, my rent and so on has not paid me the pay has been insanely inconsistent for the last six months and now since Christmas it has been extremely late to non existent. All while I have still been expected to travel to my job and work far above my pay grade and be professional all while not being paid and this has caused a very large amount of stress for me. I am not someone who does well with confrontation due to prior trauma but my rent has to be paid I have bills to pay, I haven't been able to get shopping. My day job was already an issue due to being forced to work far above my pay grade and my contracted responsibilities for minimum wage and now I'm not even being paid at all. I haven't been paid for three weeks. Bearing in mind I work a week in hand. I've been working so so hard trying to deal with all of the issues. All the while I've been constantly told to work more, clam down and that I could loose.mt job at any moment because 'they don't need me I need them' I took two weeks off at Christmas in the hope of relaxing however I was still called and messaged daily to work from home over my booked holiday time even on boxing Day. When returning in the new year still my pay was an issue, responsibility and treatment was causing me to have physical stress reactions getting stomach aches and back and heart pains due to stress. Even on time I was off of work the days after and before working I would be a mess unable to function from stress and anxiety. To the extent two weeks ago I ended up having to take two days off due to physically being unable to leave my house without breakdown into tears and heart pains. Even doing something as simple as going to the supermarket caused me to have a panic attack. This has now continued into this week where I still haven't been paid and apon arriving for my shift I worried my Bf so much that he refused to leave me in my office did to his concern for my wellbeing, luckily he didn't because I ended up having a intense panic attack within an hour of being at work and felt I had no other option then to put my foot down demand my pay and leave for the day for the sake of my mental health. And this was met with nothing but being told I would have to use a holiday day for it. Not even a 'hope you feel better' or anything else. Unfortunately due to the fact I haven't been paid for three weeks I'm not even in a position to leave or press the issue. But apon arriving home I have spent three hours on the phone with my therapist who has admitted how concerned she is over my mental health and general state of mind. So much so my Bf was told to keep me close to him, not leave me alone, and if possible to remove items that could caught harm or injuries from my area, because she is concerned about me being at risk. I am still expected to go to work tomorrow. And not be paid for my time. And honestly all I want to do is curl Into a ball and disappear. Currently I am still trying to write I don't know how well that's going or how long that will keep up but currently it's something that brings me comfort. But if I do disappeared, ... I want to say you all shouldn't worry but I'm not sure I can lie to you all.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

as I go to reread take two for the like tenth time, I have to ask if u ever plan on returning to it ? I mean either way I'm gonna keep rereading it it's my fave felinette fic lol but I'd love an ending some day :')

You and me both my dude hGKLAMF;OWEF :'D

I think the main reason I paused on it was because I hit the main plot point and just wasn't able to push past that big reveal moment. Nothing was really working right, I started questioning what I had worked so hard to build up to, and then started thinking waaayyy to much about what others wanted to read and not about what I wanted to write. And it didn't help that I was trying to force myself to add like, four more arc's that I couldn't accept just wouldn't fit if I wanted to keep the pace, just cause I really wanted an excuse to have all the Quantic Kids get a miraculous hghgklsdm

So I took a step back, took a break in hopes I could gather some steam and get back to it, figure out what was halting me and finally finish.

I've gotten said steam a couple of times but never enough to get it going again unfortunately. It was never my intention to abandon it, and it's still not. It's my first real fic and I love it too much to toss it behind me all the way. It's always at the back of my mind lingering there, occasionally little plot pieces click and I'll scribble down a note or two.

It got hard for a little while because every comment I got was just some sort of "hey, when are you updating?" and I felt guilty every time I looked, so I just... stopped answering comments, and then I got dragged headfirst into the ninjago, and then Monkie Kid fandoms and, while I never forgot about it, it just got a lot easier to focus on other things.

I still get comments every now and then, and there are some really really good ones I have saved. It really means a lot to me that even two years later, people are still reading and loving my fic. It's definitely given me some incentive to keep thinking about it, and one of these days I will revisit it, but unfortunately it doesn't look like it will be any time soon as my life's really started hurtling into motion with a full time job, moving out (I'll be moving back in pretty quick here though) and then my mission coming up which means I'll be gone for eighteen months and I certainly won't be writing anything then lol.

I'm glad you like the fic, dude. And I'm so flattered and thrilled beyond words that it's something you can go back to and re-read again and again and still feel that same way about it. I love the fic, and I'm never gonna quite completely let it go, but I know I won't be working on it any time soon.

So, I'm not done with it, haven't abandoned it, but the little unplanned hiatus will probably continue for a while still, *gives sweeping bow* sincerest of apologies.

Someday it'll get it's ending. Just not this day lol.

Thanks for dropping by and giving me an excuse to drop some words. A privilege to know you like the fic, dear anon. I hope you have an incredible day, and that you're maybe able to find more fics out there you like just as much that update with more frequency *winks*

[suhyla]

I am the anon who mentioned that I never send my pictures to any potentials unless we have informed our families first. I am in a bit of dilemma atm because there is this one guy who has been in love with me for more than 3 years, however, back then he was studying and now he is trying to find a job and he hasn't seen me yet. I did not consider him up until a few months ago and he has been trying very hard to make things halal but unfortunately due to the pandemic, things have been very difficult for us and especially him trying to find a good job because unfortunately from where I come from, students are exploited due to their lack of experience and it results in deterioration of their mental health and on the other hand, in my culture, families do not agree for a guy who doesn't have a job or consider him worthy enough for their daughter. There have been difficulties amongst us due to same reason not in the sense where he has been pressurizing me in any manner but because of the fact that now it has genuinely become a fear of his since he had a terrible accident where now he worries that Lord forbid something happens to him and he passes away, he would have died not having seen me and I genuinely have no clue and do not have any idea how to help with this fear of his because he now feels overwhelmed with such thoughts but on the contrary, I genuinely do not want to compromise on my morals and values either knowing I never have for anyone else and I do not know what to do or how to deal with this. Should I send him my picture? What is the right thing for me to do in this particular instance? His sister knows about me but unfortunately we haven't been able to involve any of our other family members due to the fact that he doesn't have a job.

So all of this is completely my opinion as an outsider. I do recommend you ask a scholar for advice on this, as this is merely my advice as your sister inshaAllah.

First of all, it sounds like he has deep trauma and he should really seek therapy to ensure it doesn't affect how he lives his own life, or come in the way of his future relationships. To feel like he's constantly going to die can be tangled with deep psychological issues and may affect your marriage in many ways, sister. I hope you understand that before marrying him. You should encourage him to seek help first, especially as you don't know the extent to which this affects him personally, and consequently, the extent to which it will affect your marriage. Him getting therapy will help you both understand what needs extra care in the relationship. It will help him with his own self awareness so he doesn't unintentionally hurt you by projecting his fears on you, and likewise, you will be more sensitive to what caused him to feel like this and will be better able to love him in the way he needs. But again, this might be really emotionally taxing so please consider that carefully before marrying him inshaAllah.

Moreover, your parents' concern is understandable, as every parent wants their daughter to be well cared for so there is nothing wrong with ensuring he has a job first. I completely sympathize with his situation, and understand that it can be challenging. However, my concern is you right now - you do have to consider who will pay your bills and provide for you and your kids. You know his situation better than me, of course, and what potential work in his field looks like, what are the realistic chances of him getting employed soon. Although I'm sorry that they won't even speak to the brother to see what exactly is the situation on his side. I'm certain he must have other qualities inshaAllah which are making you consider him regardless of the fact that he doesnt have a job.

And finally, I understand that he might be traumatized and dying without seeing you is a genuine concern he has. However, if I was in your shoes, and there is a concern about my parents agreeing about him in the first place, I would not feel comfortable sending him my picture. Moreover, I'm unclear as to whether this brother's concern about passing away is due to a physical condition as a result of the accident or if it is severe anxiety?

You don't sound like you're comfortable doing this either way, but there may be different permissibility guidelines depending on the situation. Regardless, you do not owe anyone your photos, and are not obligated to sacrifice your values for someone who is not yet your husband, and Allah knows best.

I would not regret not showing him my picture (if God forbid anything happened to him) as at the end of the day Allah did not write for us to get married, so what use would my picture be for him?

In the case that this is a result of severe anxiety about his future, and not a rational fear, you say he has loved you for years without seeing you, so what difference does it make if he has to wait a little while longer before seeing you?

Plus, you're not his mother and don't even know if your parents will agree to him. You're not obligated to accommodate his fears like this.

That's how I see it, at least. Again, I recommend getting a scholar's opinion, as well.

and if anyone here has other advice, or if I said anything wrong, please feel free to share inshaAllah.