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#but when I try to stay “true to myself”
surielstea · 1 day
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Guilty Pleasures
Based on this request.
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Pairing: Azriel x Vanserra!Reader (fem)
Summary: Readers secret relationship with the Shadow Singer can’t be suppressed when Azriel finds himself in Readers room after a meeting with her brother, Eris.
Warnings: smut | pwp | minors dni | p in v | rough sex | mating press | controlled orgasm | creampie | praise/degradation | name calling | pure filth
3.4k words
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The Forest House is crawling with night dwellers. That's what Eris had told me when he woke me up this morning, throwing a gown at me and telling me to get dressed before attending the meeting between Night and Autumn. Since my brother was the new high lord I could do little to argue with him, if he wanted me to participate I would be forced to do so. I was the farthest from the throne, and even less, a girl.
Though Eris seemed to look past the imbalance of power between us, even if it was blatantly obvious I had no choice but to do exactly as said.
I may not have not been the strongest fire wielder in my family, hel, Lucien practically started glowing whenever he conjured fire, but then again he's always been a little different from the rest of us. Without flame, I was dealt with the same cunning tongue as my father. It was a wicked trait to inherit, but also my best weapon. I could do more damage with my words than a sword because let's face it, internal wounds never really heal, and my father made sure he taught me that.
So I put on the deep green dress and tied the corset around my waist and bust tightly, keeping my retorts to myself about the style of the dress, wishing it wasn't so flashy. But this was a meeting with the Lord of Night he was flashy if anything, and so was the rest of his court. So I understand what Eris had been planning.
When I stepped into that meeting room I made sure I was making an entrance. Whatever discussions that had been ongoing before I walked in ceased. As his courtier, I was familiar with the members of Rhysand's court, specifically the two Illyrians flanking his left side. I flash the blue-siphoned male a sinister smile, reveling in the way his eyes drank me in, trekking down me from head to toe with an incomprehensible amount of lust, the kind that's guaranteed to have dropped panties before.
When his eyes return to mine I playfully look away with a smirk, making it clear that I'd caught him in the act. I take my place next to Eris at the other end of the table, his side comparably smaller in group size, void of friends and family like the High Lord of Night. But Eris did what he had to in order to survive, even if that meant pushing everyone else away— well, everyone but me. Because even with sheer determination, he wasn't able to get rid of me, who has been clinging so tightly to him since I was a child.
The meeting had already begun by the time I walked in so I didn't waste my time trying to catch up. I was only there to make an appearance, Eris had claimed it puts people at ease when they see a familiar face, invoking a more positive response. That was all I managed to pick up when he was explaining his schemes, I knew they'd stay true to our alliance. They needed us, we had one of the strongest armies, and even if they were guaranteed a win they didn't need to add bodies to the death toll.
The Shadow Singer's eyes tracked my every movement, he stared as I played with the ends of my hair, and practically started drooling when I flicked my eyes up to look at him every now and then. Gods he was so obvious, and they called him a spymaster?
I smirked down at my lap at the idea, picking at my nails to distract myself but it did little to help when I could practically feel his need for me from across the room.
The meeting went on for what felt like hours. I thought it'd be fairly straightforward when Eris explained it to me yesterday, I guess I underestimated the dramatics of the Night Court's strongest. Not to say it wasn't entertaining, but I found myself nearly laughing at some of the remarks made throughout the meeting.
Eventually, it was brought to an end. Rhysand had inevitably agreed to continue the alliance, just as Eris had suspected, and soon everyone was filing out of the meeting room.
I had beelined straight back towards my bedroom, aching to rip myself free from my revealing dress, in need to slip back beneath my sheets and go back to bed.
But as soon as I entered my room, I noticed there was someone's presence already occupying it. I was startled, staring at the Shadow Singer as he gazed at all the trinkets lined on my shelves. Most of them were souvenirs Lucien had collected for me during his travels across the continent. I was always jealous of him for that. While he was out exploring the world, I was still here, stuck in the same house I was born in.
"What are you doing?" I immediately question and Azriel whirls around, facing me with pure stoicism.
"Got lost," He shrugged.
"This is my room," I say with stern brows. He looked around the space, at the books on the shelves, the messy papers on my desk, and my unmade bed that was calling my name.
"Is it?" His eyes returned to mine and he took a bold step forward.
"Yes, if you need me to call a maid to escort you back to your room I'd be happy to oblige," I offered him a kind smile but he only continued with his strides, another pace, slowly closing the distance.
"That's kind of you," He takes one more step and suddenly I have to crane my neck up to look at him, my chest nearly pressed to his. "But I don't think that's necessary," He leaned against the door, closing it to peering eyes. At the newfound privacy, my smile widens and I practically tackle him to the ground, my arms sling around the nape of his neck as his lips crash onto mine.
I melted into the kiss and I swore for a moment he was holding up most of my weight. His hand comes to the back of my head, pulling slightly at my air and forcing me to back away.
"Gods, I missed you," He confesses through a breath. I beam, rising onto my toes and pecking him, pulling away as quickly as I came.
"I missed you too, Az," I murmur, pulling him so much closer. He stumbled forward and my back came into contact with the door, trapped between him with no exit. I couldn't find it in myself to complain.
His lips find mine again, like magnets pulling us together we slot into each other perfectly, filling every crevice and meeting every rendezvous of his touch. I reacted to his kiss in such a way that the first time our lips collided I thought I had lost my mind. It made me feel powerful and made me feel I was capable of so much more.
"It's been too long," I murmur as his hands trail down my sides, putting pressure on my waist, brushing along my hips, then curving along the side of my ass before reaching my thighs and hoisting me up.
"I know love, I know," He sighed onto my lips. I open my mouth wider, inviting his tongue as I wrap my legs around his torso while he holds me up.
His tongue dances with mine, like the last two warriors left on a battlefield, needy and restrained, torturous and passionate.
"I need you," I confess into his mouth and he grunts lowly at the words. "That meeting was cruel," I mumble while he begins to kiss down my neck.
"I know," He repeats, his voice desperate and raw. "The whole time I've been here I've only wanted to rip your dress off and fuck you on the floor," He admits and the apex of my thighs thrums with a chant of need.
"Then what are you waiting for?" I retort with a foxlike smirk. He pushes off the door, and rather than the floor he carries me over to my bed.
I grin against his lips in anticipation as he begins untying the back of my dress, the corset loosening and allowing me to breathe fully.
He pulls me free from it entirely, tearing my dress off and discarding it to the floor before he mounts over my mostly nude body. He lays me down, his lips coming to mind in a moment of need. I begin unbuckling his pants, tugging at them with needy movements. He helped, taking off his shirt for me while kicking off his pants.
His hands roam my body, over the curve of my breasts, past my waist, then finally to my hips where he found the waistband to my pink undies, toying with the lace.
"You wear these just for me?" He purrs into my mouth and I nod, capturing his lips with mine yet again. He pulls the lace down my thighs, allowing the cool air to hit my soaked cunt. I gasped as two of his fingers immediately delved through my folds, drenching his hand.
"Gods, you're soaked baby," He admires and I flash an embarrassed smile. He smirks at the reaction, pressing his dripping fingers to my clit with rough circles. My breath hitched before I let out a string of moans, pawing at the imprint in his boxers with an unquenchable need.
"Please," I beg.
"I have to stretch you out first," He tuts and I whine in protest. "I know, but it'll hurt otherwise be patient," He explains. Tears well in my eyes as I look up at him with a dramatic pout.
"I want it to hurt," I confess. "Make it hurt, I swear I'll be good." My pleads are met with a stern look from him. I palm him, my hand wrapping around the tent in his boxers, gripping him slightly and he grits his teeth at the feeling.
"I'm not stopping when you tell me it hurts," He threatens and I nod in agreement, my hunger becoming too strong to ignore as I pull down his boxers and his heavy cock slaps up against his abdomen.
My mouth waters at the sight, my pussy thrumming against his hand with anticipation.
He swipes his length through my folds and I revel in the feeling of his warm length running through my cunt, the ridges of his thick member adding friction to my sopping folds as I continue to lube him up.
"You sure?" He says, looking at me pointedly and I nod. "Be a good girl and use your words." He prompts and I swallow thickly.
"Yes, Az," I plead. "I want you," I add and before I know it he's aligning his tip and pushing the head of him inside of me.
I gasped, clawing at his tan back, drawing blood with my nails but he didn't seem to mind the marks I made as he pressed into me.
When Azriel fucked, he fucked good and hard. He didn't relent his pace and he only sped it up. He knew I was teasing him in my dress earlier, how tortuous it was to have me in the same room as him yet he couldn't have me, not how he wanted to have me. Not like this.
He made each of his movements rough and pleasurable. He snapped his hips into mine, my base meeting his as he began to roll his hips into me. "There Az, right there," I cry out as he finds a sensitive bundle of nerves nestled deep inside of me that only he could reach with his impressively long cock that he's molded me to, so it's only him I can seek pleasure with.
"Yeah? Be a good girl and open wider for me," He says and I do just that, spreading my legs as far as I can, allowing him to his me deeper as his balls slap against my ass. "Atta girl, taking me so well," He hummed and I smiled hazily up at him. It didn't hurt, or maybe it did and the pain hadn't settled in over the adrenaline— but all I felt was pleasure, I was too wet for there to be any discomfort.
"You feel so perfect wrapped around my cock baby," He admires, looking down and watching the way he disappeared inside my entrance. "Fuck, you're so tight," He grunts, bringing his scared hand down and pressing it to my stomach. I mewled at the feeling of him rubbing harder against my walls, clamping down around his base and making it harder for him to drive into me.
"You feel that? Feel how deep I'm in your pretty pussy?" He smirks and I nod with a whimper leaving my lips. He continues his brutal pace, pushing me up onto the bed with the force that he was fucking me with.
He grabs the back of my thighs and pulls my legs up, putting me into a mating press.
I wailed at the new position, practically feeling him thrust into my womb. "So good," I murmur and he only smirks.
"Yeah? You like it when I'm using you like this?" He asks and I flutter my lashes up at him, tears dripping down the sides of my face.
"Yes, love it when you use me Az," I confess and he twitches at the words. "All yours," I sigh out.
"That's right," He leans down to press a kiss at the corner of my jaw. "My perfect little slut," He purrs at the shell of my ear and I gasp, my orgasm nearing rapidly. "You like when I call you a slut don't you? Dirty girl," Azriel rolls his hips over mine as he speaks, creating a loss of words to form on the tip of my tongue, being replaced by moans and screams instead.
I pulse against his cock, my puffy pussy twitching around his base as he continues his vile movements.
"I'm gonna— Az, m'close," I warn and he kisses me with a smile, toying with me, seeing how long I can hold myself back from sweet release.
"Not yet baby, want you to cum with me," He directs and a whimper falls from my lips in defiance, the pain beginning to set in as I drag out my climax, forcing it away per his demand. I squeeze around his tighter, attempting to spur him on to find his release quicker.
"Az— s'too much, it hurts," I cry out and he smirks against my skin, nipping at the side of my neck before lifting up to meet my teary gaze with his lustful one.
"Poor girl, you said that's what you wanted." He kissed up the side of my face, licking away my salty tears. "Keep to your promise and I'll let you cum soon, alright?" He offers and I rapidly nod. "Good."
He presses me into the mattress, my thighs still at my sides as he folds me in half and forces his the head of his cock into my cervix. I gripe at the feeling, writing beneath him but fighting off my impending orgasm nevertheless. Moans spilled from my swollen lips and he basked in them, in all the noises I made as his cock pushed deeper into my cunt.
He twitches and I thank the gods, the signal meaning he was close and my torture would end soon.
"My perfect little slut, so good for me," He croons, his words ghosting over my lips but not quite attaching them, loving the way I gasped out with moans into his mouth.
I clench tighter around him and he grunts, his jaw feathering as he grits his teeth.
"Go ahead, make a mess all over yourself." He allows and I immediately meet his request, my release dragging screams out of me. I don't even know when my hands got into his hair but I pull at it as my climax takes me full throttle and I fall beyond words to describe just how glorious the euphoric feeling is.
"That's it, keep milking my cock just like that," He groans in pure pleasure, his warm seed seeping into each and every one of my crevices as his thrusts slow and he attempts to pull out from my tight cunt that was still clenched around him, not wanting him to disappear quite yet.
But eventually, he removed himself from me and I was left panting on the bedspread, pulsing around nothing.
"Alright, let's get you cleaned up before I have to leave." He scoops me up into his arms and I whine, my brows bunching into a knot as he carries me into the connected bathing chambers.
"I don't want you to leave," I whine and he settles me down onto the cold bathroom counter.
"I don't want to leave either." He meets my gaze, looking down at me with soft eyes that contrast with his rough movements from only a moment ago. "But I have a mission passing through here next week," He said, grabbing a cloth from beneath the sink and wetting it with warm water. "Maybe we can meet at an inn and stay there for a few days," He plans and a small smile spreads across my face.
"I hope you know I'm not planning to leave that bed the entire time we're together," I hum and he smiles cheekily, his dimples making an appearance. I cup his jaw in my hands, admiring the panes of his face as he begins to wash the insides of my thighs.
"Sounds like a perfect plan to me," He flicked his eyes up to mine, away from my pink folds, still irritated from his harsh actions. I gasp slightly as he runs over my clit with the cloth, my legs jolting with overstimulation.
"Sorry, I was so rough," He uttered, continuing his gentle ministrations. I shake my head, not accepting his apology.
"Felt good," I tilt my head back as if reminiscing about five minutes ago. "I wish you could stay for another round." My fingertips dance down his chest. He looks at me sternly, catching my wrist before it can get too low and placing it on his broad shoulder.
"You know I won't be able to leave if I get back in that bed with you," He stated and I nodded, biting into my lower lip.
"Exactly," I say and he hoists me up into his arms, discarding the dirtied cloth into the hamper and placing me back down onto my bed.
"I'll see you next week, alright?" His shadows bring me a pair of clean panties and the softest nightgown from my wardrobe.
"Next week is too far away," I groan and flop back onto my bed while he hikes my undies up my thighs and snaps them against my hips with a satisfying sound.
"I think you'll survive," He lifts me upright. "Arms up," He casually muttered and I did as he said, lifting my arms so he could slip the comfortable nightgown over my head.
"I don't think I will," I sigh once the gown is past my head and he offers me a soft, reassuring smile.
"Maybe I'll sneak by sooner," He dips down and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. "If you're lucky," He warns as I wrap my arms around the nape of his neck and pull him onto my lips, kissing him with the same amount of heat as earlier, but also with an addition of love, my last ploy of getting him to stay. But he knew what I was doing, and he pulled away before he could fall for it.
"I'm sorry baby," He whispers and I frown. "I'll move things around and I'll come earlier than next week," He says but my frown remains. "And we'll spend days in bed, how's that sound?" He offers and a small smile forms over my pout. "Yeah? Good?" He asks and I nod with a cheeky grin. "Okay, I'll see you soon my love," He presses one last kiss to my lips, relishing the taste of me against him one more time.
"Bye Az," I murmur against his lips. He pecks me once again before shadows swarm around him and he is consumed by darkness, slipping through my grasp and leaving me alone.
But he'll be back sooner than next week, and his promises gave me more than just one thing to look forward to.
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osamufication · 2 days
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he's a pirate
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pairing: pirate captain!atsumu x fem!reader
wc: 2.8k
warnings: nsfw, porn with some plot, wax play, impact play, degradation, dom!atsumu, sub!reader, general threats of violence, a sprinkle of authority kink, reader is choked once, fluffy ending
a/n: for the love of FUCK this is not accurate or realistic wax play. please do NOT pour wax from random ass candles on any part of your body thank u
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Isn’t this just perfect, you had to get caught didn’t you, you chastise yourself. 
“Unhand me at once you pathetic, filthy pirate!” you screech at the wretched man holding your arms.
“You say pirate like it's a bad thing.” 
You stop thrashing, directing your attention up to the quarter deck. There stands a tall young man with tufts of blonde hair sticking out from under his preposterous hat. He looks down at you and an amused smirk tugs at his lips. “We’re not all that bad.”
The man holding you shoves you down to the floor. You barely keep yourself from falling face first onto the deck.
You glare up at him, flipping your hair out of your face, “I’ll kill you.” you spit.
The man laughs. “We both know you’re not capable of killin’ me, love.” He walks up to the railing, leaning against it. “I’m much too handsome.”
“Give me a break.” you huff. 
“We caught ‘er tryin’ to steal some of our supplies, capn’.”
“Oh? You’ve got some nerve sweetheart,” he chuckles darkly. The blonde makes his way around the railing and down the steps. You watch him carefully, trying to guess what he is playing at. 
He stands before you, and unsheaths his sword. His expression is unreadable as he fits the tip of the blade beneath your chin, tilting your head up to meet his eyes. You clench your jaw, trying to keep yourself from saying something idiotic. 
“Do you know how I punish thieves, poppet?” His voice is sickeningly condescending. 
You keep your mouth shut, refusing to give this moron the satisfaction of following along. By now, a small crowd of crew members had formed, all of them enjoying the free entertainment. 
The captain rolls his eyes, looking around at the rest of his crew, “How should we punish her, eh boys?”
A mess of responses comes from the men. 
“Throw ’er overboard!”
“Strip ‘er and tie ‘er to the mast!”
 “Slit ‘er throat!”
You’re sure the fear is visible in your eyes. The captain looks quite amused by the whole ordeal. 
“True, I usually just throw thieves overboard. But,” he leans down, his face a few mere inches away from yours. “I think I should handle yer punishment a little more... personally.” He turns to face his crew again, “I’ll handle this myself, get back to work ya morons.” 
The crew disperses, groaning in disappointment. They were hoping for a much more entertaining conclusion. But you know this isn’t over for you. 
He finally withdraws his blade and pulls you up to your feet, “Follow me love. Let’s discuss yer punishment in private.” he whispers into your ear. 
As soon as the door of the captain’s quarter’s clicked shut he broke the silence. 
“y/n.” 
“Miya.” you growl. “I meant it when I said I’d kill you.”
“Tch, don’t be like that poppet-”
“Don't call me that.”
“Right. Forgot ya hated that name.” Atsumu sighs, “Love, I know I was a dick. I don’t expect ya to just let me back in, but please give me a chance.”
You sit down in a chair. “And why would I do that, Miya?”
He leans over you, hand on either arm of the chair, trapping you. “Ya know ya miss me. Us.” 
You scrunch up your nose. “That’s awfully arrogant of you.”
He leans in further, nose bumping against yours. “C’mon love. At least stay the night, for old time’s sake.”
You don’t know what possesses you at that moment. This is the man that had left you behind, without so much as a proper warning. He told you in passing he wanted to leave one night and never return. The next day you had woken up to a cold bed and a missing ship. 
You had every intention of chopping off his dick and shoving down his throat if you ever saw him again. But here you are, kissing him as though you still needed him with every fiber of your being.
He grazes your lips with his teeth, hands wandering your body freely.
“Fuck, I missed ya so much love.” Atsumu’s leg slips between your and bumps against your sensitive core. You whimper against his lips, hating how easily you slip into a submissive state for him. 
Atsumu pulls away and boasts a dangerous smirk on his lips. “I’m supposed to be punishing ya darlin’, the men won’t believe I kept my word unless they hear some screamin’.”
He grips the front of your blouse, pulls you out of the chair and shoves you onto his bed. He climbs on top of you, easily tearing the fabric between his fingers. His eyes roll back when he’s greeted with the familiar sight of your bare breasts, barely biting back a groan as he eagerly gropes them. You wrap your legs around his waist, grinding up against his hardening cock. Atsumu kisses you sloppily, teeth roughly clashing against yours. You reach up to throw off his stupid hat and thread your fingers through his hair.
“This is,” you gasp as Atsumu drags his thumb around your nipple, “quite the punishment, Miya.”
In an instant, Atsumu ceases all movement. “You’ve forgotten who yer dealin’ with, princess.” 
He unhooks your legs from around his waist and gets off the bed. You start to sit up, but Atsumu quickly shoves you back down, his massive hand wrapped almost entirely around your throat. “Did I tell you to fuckin’ move?” 
“N-no,” you choke out.
He raises an eyebrow. “Ya seem to have forgotten your manners as well, what a damn shame.”
Before you can react, he releases your neck and slaps you across the face. The sound of the impact echoes throughout the room and rings in your ears.
Atsumu grips your face tightly and forces you to face him. “Let’s try again shall we?” He leans in, his lips ghosting over your own, so close that you can feel his hot breath mingling with yours. 
“Did I give you permission to move?”
You swallow, trying to speak without trembling, “No, s-sir.”
There’s a satisfied glint in his eyes as he releases you. You make sure to stay perfectly still. Without a word of acknowledgement he walks over to his desk, shrugs off his coat, and removes the pistols you were mortified to realize you hadn’t detected. 
From your spot on the bed you get a perfect view of the wonders his pants do for his ass. You're so distracted you don’t notice Atsumu lighting a candle before walking back over to the bedside. 
“Clothes off.”
Once you’ve stripped bare, Atsumu lays you on your back and spreads your legs. Your cunt is already glistening from the heated kissing and grinding.
“You’re positively drenched, darlin’.” 
He reaches over to grab the red candle from the table. He holds it over your stomach, before grinning again. “You’re not allowed to move, but screaming is highly encouraged.”
With that he tilts the candle, letting a drop of wax plop onto your stomach. You hiss and squirm, the heat almost unbearable for a moment. You’re ashamed to admit the sharp pain goes straight to your twitching pussy. Another drop falls a bit higher up your torso. It takes all your willpower to keep still. 
To only make matters worse, as Atsumu drips the candle wax onto your breasts he uses his free hand to start teasing your clit. You mewl as he rubs up and down your slit, inserting a finger as wax lands on your hardened nipples. His fingers graze against that tender spot inside, you arch your back, grinding on his hand. 
“F-fuck, right there!” you choke out. Your eyes are screwed shut, but you feel the drips of wax traveling further down your body. 
“Yer movin’ again,” Atsumu leans forward, the candle flame licking the skin of your side, “Are ya this desperate for me? All that time on your own really did make ya a whore, hmm?”
You shake your head, “No, I didn-”
Before you can finish, Atsumu quickly removes his hand and slaps it against your cunt, hard. You can’t suppress the screech ripped from your throat. 
He sits back between your thighs and sets the candle on the floor by the bed. He nods to your legs, “Grab ‘em and hold ‘em to yer chest. Now.”
You do as he says, feeling your face get hot again. Atsumu’s view must be entirely obscene. If someone were to walk in now, there would be no saving your dignity. 
Atsumu’s eyes are dark and hungry, he hits your cunt again with more force than before. A loud and wet slap echoes in the room along with your shriek. You heave, trying to catch your breath.
He lowers his face between your legs and licks a stripe up, leaving a kiss on your clit. “Such a filthy little whore. Yer really enjoying this aren’t ya?”
You nod your head rapidly, “Y-yes sir, I am.”
“So ya haven’t learned yer lesson about stealin’ from me?”
Oh shit. That’s right.
“I, uh...”
Fuck, you can’t think straight with his tongue grazing against your soaked hole.
“No? Well I’ll have to really punish ya then.”
He holds the candle directly over your pussy, eyes gleaming. 
“W-wait-” You’re interrupted by your own scream as the first drop of wax hits your clit with a plop! 
“That’s what I like to hear, darlin’.” Atsumu’s face boasts a sadistic grin as he continues his assault on your cunt. 
You keep screaming with each drop, the stinging only making you wetter than you already were. Your fingernails leave bright red crescents on your thighs as you grip them to your chest, using all your strength to stay still. There’s wax all over your swollen cunt and you’re sure it must look like an absolute mess. 
“I think yer ready now.” Atsumu mumbles, undoing his pants and taking out his cock. He readjusts himself and teases your dripping pussy with his impossibly hard length. You whimper every time he slips just the head of his cock in. 
“Fuckin’ hell, doll yer still so tight.” He groans, finally pushing all the way in.
Your vision is blurry from all the overwhelming sensations. Atsumu pulls out almost completely before ramming his hips back against yours. Your mouth drops open as he sets the brutal pace you were so familiar with from all those years ago. You whimper and whine with every wet slap of his cock drilling into you. 
Without slowing his pace, Atsumu picks the candle back up. He grins down at you, tipping it over again and lands a particularly large glob of wax on your clit. Your scream is guttural, the feeling of Atsumu hitting your g-spot while the burning wax stimulates your swollen clit entirely overwhelming.
You start to feel a familiar tension in your stomach. Your cunt clenches around Atsumu’s cock, making him throw his head back, eyes screwed shut. He takes a ragged breath before looking you in the eyes and presses his thumb harshly against the wax on your clit.
“F-fuck! Sir, I’m cumming!” You scream, legs shake so violently you lose your grip on them. Before they can hit the bed Atsumu blows out the candle and throws it to the ground. He uses his free arm to hold them back up against you. 
“That’s it darlin’, just like that, keep cumming for me.” Atsumu presses himself harder against you as his thrusts get sloppier. He groans loudly as he cums inside you, his grip on your legs loosening. 
He lets out a ragged breath as his movements come to a stop and he helps you lower your sore legs to the bed.
He leans over you, his strong arms on either side of your head. He kisses you the way he did earlier, as loving as ever. He pulls away from your lips and presses his forehead to yours. You both stay there in comfortable silence for a moment. 
Once you’ve caught your breath, you whisper, “I think we should clean up.”
Atsumu sighs, but reluctantly moves off of you. Dry wax on your body uncomfortably cracks with the movement.
You scrunch up your nose, how the hell are you going to get this off of you?
“Well then? How was that?” Atsumu asks.
 “I suppose,” you turn your head to the captain, “that was satisfactory.” 
Atsumu snorts, “Just satisfactory huh? I’ll go harder next time then, princess.”
You shiver, knowing full well he will keep his word. You also don’t fail to notice his choice of words.
Next time.
You watch as Atsumu stands up and starts pulling his pants back on. The thin sheen of sweat covering his back makes him almost glow in the sunlight shining through the window. He pulls his cotton tunic over his head and turns back to you, a soft look in his eyes. “Let’s get ya cleaned up shall we?”
He opens a cabinet to pull out a cloth and bottle. He places them on the bedside table before situating himself beside you. He douses the cloth with a thick liquid. 
“What is that?” you ask, watching as he starts rubbing it into your skin and over the wax. 
“Olive oil, it’ll get the wax right off of yer skin. I don’t wanna hurt ya or let ya rip the pieces off.” Atsumu dutifully works at your skin, slowly but surely getting all the wax off, and leaving you very oily instead. 
“Miya?”
“I think we’re a bit past the formalities dontcha think?”
You smile sadly, “Atsumu, why are you here? You said you weren’t coming back.”
Atsumu sighs, “I know what I said. And I meant it when I said it, but I was an idiot.”
“Not surprised.”
“Watch it.” Atsumu pinches your leg playfully. “I didn’t realize that what I was looking for wasn’t on the other side of the world.” 
He puts down the rag and walks over to his coat. You sit up against the headboard as he rumages for something in its pockets. He pulls out a little brown box with gold detailing around its borders. He circles the bed, taking a seat beside you. He meets your eyes, “Can’t believe I needed this thing to realize what I really wanted.” 
You frown as he opens the box, expecting to see a giant diamond or aztec gold. 
“A broken compass.” You say, unimpressed.
Atsumu groans, “I’m trying to be dramatic here and yer ruining my moment.” He takes a deep breath, “Yes, it's a compass. But it’s not broken, it points toward whatever it is you most desire.” 
The needle spins back and forth for a split moment before picking a direction. You twist your head back to look behind you, “You want the rum on the table?”
“For fuck’s sake y/n and ya say I’m dense.” He runs a hand down his face. “It’s pointing at you.”
You freeze for a moment. He can’t possibly mean that. 
“Atsumu I swear to god if you're messing with me...” your voice trails off.
Atsumu puts the compass down and takes hold of your hands, “I swear on my life, yer everything I want in this world. I’m fully prepared to sell the ship and stay with ya on dry land if that’s what ya want.”
You blink back tears, “There’s no need to be so dramatic.” You move over so he can take a seat beside you. “I don’t want you to give up sailing. I never did. All I wanted was for you to take me with you, to be with you.”
Atsumu shakes his head, “I was so fuckin’ stupid.”
You smile and curl up next to him, “Not as stupid as I am giving you a second chance. Don’t make me regret this.”
Atsumu drapes his arm around you, planting a kiss on your head, “I’ll make you a pirate queen, darlin’. Just you wait.”
You giggle, “So where are we headed, captain?”
Atsumu grabs the compass again. With his arm secured around you, the needle starts spinning again. It settles in the general direction of the island. 
You raise a brow at him, challenging him to explain why the needle was pointing toward the village.
Atsumu grins like an idiot and reaches over you to snatch the bottle of rum. He rips out the cork with his teeth and spits it out to the floor. He takes a swig before holding it up to your lips, carefully pouring some into your mouth. 
Taking the compass back into his hands it finally settles, pointing out to the open ocean.
You smile, “Looks like we have a heading. Any idea where it may be taking us?”
Atsumu is quiet for a moment, before turning back to you. In his eyes is a glimmer of adventure. Those are the eyes of a troublemaker you fell in love with oh so long ago. 
“Ever heard of the fountain of youth?”
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wito-chan-bla-bla · 9 hours
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You always knew that your husband would fulfill your every wish. He just loved you so, so much! He always listened to you and tried to make you happy. Sometimes you joked that he was obsessed with you, like a fanatic is obsessed with his god, but Satoru just smiled innocently at you and winked, playfully asking what you would do if it turned out to be true.
So when you asked him to participate in the "long role-playing game", he couldn't refuse you.
You had a vacation, but you didn't want to just go somewhere and relax. You wanted to have fun with your husband and maybe remember why you fell in love with him. Pretending to be strangers was too boring, so you remembered all the internet stories you read and suggested that Satoru pretend to be yandere.
"You can 'kidnap' me and keep me in one of your family's estates. You will play the role of someone who is obsessed with me and deeply in love, and I will try to escape and save myself, but in the end I will fall in love with you."
Satoru looked at you for a long time, then smiled and nodded. "That's a great idea, my dear!" You giggled at the way his heavenly eyes shone and said that he could kidnap you at any moment. Also more interesting!
When you woke up on a random day of your vacation not in your own bed, but in a completely unknown place, at first you were afraid. But then you quickly remembered that you suggested it yourself. In addition, Satoru appeared on the threshold of a chic bedroom, who crossed his arms over his chest, smiled sweetly at you and wished you a good morning.
"How did you sleep, my dear? Everything okay? I tried to move you as carefully as possible. Oh, please don't worry. This place... is now your eternal paradise. And you will be with me forever."
You could only giggle inwardly and try to pretend that you were scared. You were waiting for walks (that is, attempts to escape) in the fresh air, delicious food, lack of people and only your beautiful husband!
As you ran away from him through the forest, you could feel your heart beating harder and louder. Satoru played yandere so perfectly! As usual, he was perfect in everything.
He looked at you as if you were a goddess, the most precious thing in his life that he would kill anyone for. He treated you like a porcelain statue, as if he was afraid of breaking you. He was angry and crazy when you tried to escape, always catching you and whispering in your ear that you would never, ever leave him. He tried to get your love and promised that he would kill anyone who dared to approach you, steal you from him.
You almost believed it was real.
On the last day of your vacation, you were sitting at a table opposite Satoru, drinking tea and smiling contentedly. Your little "game" has come to a logical end: you have surrendered to your "maniac" and agreed to be his and only his. Satoru sat across from you and smiled broadly as he watched you eat the sweets he bought for you.
–It's been a good two weeks, – you put down your cup and stretched. – I'm kind of sorry that I'll have to go back to work soon…
–M? What are you talking about? I told you, you'll stay with me forever. And you agreed. What kind of work can we talk about?
–Satoru, stop messing around, – you tapped him on the forehead. – I told you, 'game over.' And we have discussed this many times. I'll go crazy with boredom if I don't work. Plus, I love what I do, so…
–What game, my dear? – Satoru smiled innocently at you. – Initially, there was no game.
You looked at your husband... and shuddered. He's been playing the maniac you're obsessed with so perfectly all this time... why does he keep doing it now, when you've already told him it's over?
–Satoru, this isn't funny, – you rolled your eyes. – By the way, where are we? I don't remember your family having an estate in the middle of the forest…
–This is my personal purchase. I did it as soon as I saw you.
–Uh, cute... probably? Did you want to give me a present or something?
You watched as Satoru slowly got up and walked around the table. He put his hands on the back of your chair, and you shivered all over. You knew, knew that your husband was just joking… B-but why were you suddenly afraid?
–I must admit, you should reward me for waiting so long, – Satoru leaned in close to your ear, and you could almost feel his smirk. – I've been waiting so, so long for this moment. I've watched these pathetic humans interact with you, how they waste your precious time... how they take you away from me.
–S-Satoru… I told you... "game over"…
–O-o-oh, my precious, – Gojo took a lock of your hair and pressed it to his nose, inhaling the scent. – You're completely wrong. It's just getting started…
You jumped up abruptly and spun around. Satoru looked at you with... hungry eyes. There was a creepy smile on his face that sent goosebumps all over your body, but now you didn't feel as excited as you did a week ago. Now your husband looked like a maniac... instead of trying to play the role of a maniac.
You took a couple of steps away from him and slammed into the table. Gojo chuckled and held out his hand in your direction. The ring glinted on his ring finger.
–What's the matter, dear? Didn't you like it when I acted like an obsessive, jealous animal? That's what we came here for. Oh, I'm so, so glad that you accept me for who I am…
He started moving towards you, but for some reason you couldn't stop your body. You couldn't think, you rushed to the door leading to the veranda and burst out. Your feet started to lead you towards the forest. You grabbed your phone and started tapping your finger on the screen, not knowing who you were going to call.
Satoru followed you out and looked at your retreating back. Over the rustle of branches, you heard his hysterical laughter, which made your insides freeze. You almost stopped and froze in place…
–My dear wife, do you think I won't find you the same way I did all the other times? Back then, I didn't even try, didn't even use my Six Eyes… And now... now that you're running away for real, the hunt should be real too, right?
You ran, you ran, you ran... you hoped to escape, somehow. Fortunately, so far you've been able to make a call, and you've taken the opportunity.
–Yes...?
–N-Nanami-san! I-I need help right now! S-Satoru is chasing me! I think there's something wrong with him! I need someone to know my location on the signal!..
You yelled when Gojo suddenly appeared in front of you. You turned around and started to run, but his big, strong arm wrapped around your waist and held you close, holding you firmly in place. He put his other hand over your mouth. Somehow, your phone is trapped between his ear and shoulder.
–Gojo-san?..
–Oh, I didn't think you'd address me so respectfully, Nanamin! It's so cute!..
–In general, I turned to your wife, do not even hope. Gojo, what's up? What was that?
–Oh, remember what I said about the little themed vacation that (Y/N) came up with? – Satoru said that like he wasn't holding you in his arms at the moment. You tried to resist, tried to scream, but the sorcerer was just too strong. – She got so used to being the 'victim' that she accidentally called you! I'm sorry if she distracted you from your important bread things. She wanted everything to be as close to reality as possible.
–Yes, I would also call someone if I was kidnapped… In any case, I don't want to know what the two of you are doing there. Say to her "hi" to for me. And also ask her not to call me with such "practical jokes". Realism is realism, but I might think that she was actually abducted by someone.
–Of course, of course! Bye-bye, Nanamin! I kiss you!..
–I didn't want to hear it.
As soon as Satoru took one hand away from you, you screamed. However, Kento didn't hear this because it was the first to disconnect from the call. Gojo silently put your phone back in his pocket.
You shivered all overas Satoru pulled you closer to him and leaned in close to your ear, his hot breath burning your temple.
–I couldn't stand having you around other people. I've waited so long to trap you… – Satoru kissed you on the cheek, then lifted your hand and kissed the ring on your finger. – Now only I can see your beautiful face, hear your angelic voice, and smell your divine fragrance… You'll be mine now. And that's what you've been dreaming about, isn't it? A normal person could not have imagined that they were being abducted by yandere.
You tried to resist, but you knew it was useless. Satoru easily hoisted you over his shoulder and carried you back towards the manor. Your own game... took you to the grave.
As you sat on the bed and tried to get as far away from Gojo lying on his side and smiling, you were horrified to remember every expression on his face, every movement, every word he said…
It was all true. Every threat to your family and friends, every promise to put you on a chain or put a collar on you, every word that Satoru is ready to destroy the whole world, if only you were near him… It was all true.
You always knew that your husband would fulfill your every wish. He just loved you so, so much! He always listened to you and tried to make you happy. But now you understood why this was happening. He was just luring you into a trap. He just wanted you to rely on him and him alone. He just wanted... to have you all to himself.
He will indeed grant you every wish... but not the one that concerned your desire to escape. This is now your new home. The home... right next to him and only to him.
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Gaming (18+)
Sam Kerr x Tobin Heath x Reader
Word count: 2,757
Summary: Tobin, Reader and Sam do a gaming tournament. They are forced to strip down to their sports bras and boxers as the A/C in the hotel is broken. Reader gets distracted with the sight of Sam and Tobin in their sports bra’s and boxers, she can’t help herself and starts to get handsy and starts to distract them.
Warning: Smut, Teasing, Unprotected sex, 2 girls, blow job, throat pie, Creampies, rough sex, squirting, Both Sam and Tobin receiving, R Dom, Anal stuff
*Y/n's pov*
USWNT, Australia, England and Ireland are all staying in the same hotel. The girls from all the teams hang out when we have the day off. We all had the next 3 days off to get settled.
We've all been gaming out and going out and exploring the city. We are currently out and walking around in the city. I was walking in the back with Sam and Tobin.
"Have you played the new modern warfare?" Tobin asks Sam.
"Obviously, who hasn't." Sam says in her Australian accent.
"Oh yeah? How good are you?" Tobin asks.
"Pretty damn good." Sam says.
"Define good." Tobin says.
I laugh as Tobin and Sam turn into nerds and talk about the game and brag to each other about how good they are.
"I bet you are trash." Sam says.
"No, I'm sure you are the one who's trash." Tobin says.
"Okay okay, fine. Later on we are going back to my room and we are
Gonna settle this debate once and for all... 1v1." Sam says.
"Bring it on Kerr. You're going down." Tobin says.
"Yeah okay Heath. Let's see what you got, be prepared to lose." Sam says.
"They still haven't fixed the A/C yet." I randomly say directing the conversation to a new topic.
"No they haven't fixed it yet. We keep opening up the windows." Tobin says.
"So what have you guys been doing since the A/c is out?" I ask.
"We've just been wearing out sports bras and underwear." Sam says.
I nod, Sam nudges me. "Why don't you join us later? We can do a little tournament." Sam says.
I nod and smile. "Sure, I'm down to join you guys."
They both smile at me. We continue exploring the city, we decide to stop and get lunch. As we are eating we make small talk, I snap back to reality when I hear my name.
"What?" I ask.
"I have a question for you?" Alex Morgan asks.
I nod and gesture for her to continue and ask her question.
"Is it true?....." Alex leans in a bit and lowers her voice. "That you are intersex?" She whispers.
I blush darkly at the question. The girls look at me curious to know the answer. "U-Um yes, it's true."
"How big are you?" Kelly O'Hara asks.
"I don't know. I've never measure myself before." I say.
I'm quiet the rest of lunch. The girls try to include me on conversations but I let them know that I'm not interested with only one word answers.
We finish lunch and continue to explore the city. Tobin and Sam are walking in the back with me behind everyone.
"Hey I'm sorry about Kelly. Sometimes she blurts things out without thinking." Tobin says.
I nod, Sam nudges my arm. "Besides you have a dick.... So what?"
"That's what people don't understand. People hear that I have a dick and think that I'm transgender but I'm not. I'm intersex, I was born with a dick." I say speaking what's been known my mind.
I knew they had the thought of me being trans in the back of the mind and I felt that it had to be said to make sure they understand that I'm not.
"I think it's dope you have a dick." Sam says.
I smile. "Thanks."
Tobin leans in. "From the looks of it your bulge looks big."
I blush darkly. "Yeah I don't know how big I am but if I were to guess I'd say 10-12 inches."
"Fuck really?" Sam asks.
"Yeah." I reply.
We finish exploring the city and decide to head back to the hotel. We go inside, we head back to Sam's room. Sam gets her key card and steals her roommates key card.
*Sam's pov*
We get back to the hotel. I get Caitlin's key card, she gets the hint on what's about to happen and gives me her key card. She smiles and winks at me.
Me, Y/n and Tobin go up to my room. I unlock the door and we go inside. I take off my shoes and the other 2 do as well.
"Like I said we've just neem lounging around in our sports bras and underwear so if you get hot then yeah." I say.
They nod, I open the window to get a little bit of a breeze in the room. I turn on the Xbox and tv and grab the three controllers. Y/n and I lay on one bed and Tobin lays on the other bed.
I get the game started and start messing with the settings. We get to the main lobby and we begin to get hot cause of the weather and it was extremely hot in the room.
We take off our shorts and shirts and toss them to the side leaving us in our sports bras and Boxers.
We lay back down in the beds and begin playing the little tournament. Y/n wins the first game, the second game all three of us are tied. I kill them both and end up winning the second game.
Tobin and Y/n begin to get mad as we continue playing. I giggle at them getting frustrated. After 6 games Y/n gives up, she won 5 of the 6 and she stops playing.
*Y/n's pov*
I sit on the bed behind Sam, I couldn't help but stare at her ass. I bite my lip and rub my dick over my underwear as I continue to stare at Sam's ass. Sam was still playing against Tobin.
I smirk as I get an idea, I take off my boxers and toss them to the side. I stroke my throbbing dick, I get up off the bed and stand in front of Sam but off to the side so she can still see the screen.
I stroke my dick, Sam sees this and smirks. She takes my dick in her mouth, I moan as she slowly bobs her head not taking her eyes off the game.
"S-Shit." I moan. The tip of my dick hitting the back of her throat.
Tobin looks over at us and smirks when she sees what's going on. Her and Sam continue playing the game I moan and run my fingers through her hair as she continues to give me head.
After 5 more minutes, I tap Sam's head. I take my dick out of her mouth and walk over to Tobin. Tobin takes my dick in her and starts bobbing her head.
I moan in pleasure. Tobin hums against my dick and bobs her head a bit faster, after 5 more minutes of an amazing blow job I feel that all to familiar feeling in my balls.
"T-Toby baby I'm close." I moan in pleasure.
Throat pie:
I can't take it anymore, I bust my load in her mouth. Tobin chokes and gags a bit as I cum in her mouth. She swallows my load, she sucks me dry getting the rest of my cum and swallows it. I moan and take my dick out of her mouth and go back over to Sam.
They were on their 7th game already, I sit on the bed behind Sam. I sit on the back of her legs and gently rub her ass, my boner pokes and rubs against her ass.
Sam moans and looks back at me. "Someone's excited."
I rub Sam from behind over her underwear, she moans as I do this.
"Fuck baby, you're so wet." I moan.
"A-All for you." Sam moans.
I slide Sam's boxers down her legs and tosses them to the side. I run my dick through her folds getting my dick wet. Sam moans as I do this.
I slowly slide my dick inside her. We both moan as her walls immediately clench around my dick.
"Ah so tight and warm." I moan.
I let Sam get use to my size. "Tell me when to move."
Sam takes a moment to adjust to my size. "M-Move."
I smirk, I spread her ass cheeks as I thrust in and out of her. "F-Fuck." I moan.
I pick up the pace. Sam moans and tries to focus on the game, as I fuck her. "Fuck, right there Y/n." Sam moans.
I hover over her, I put my hands on both sides of her and thrust into her fast and hard. Sam moans loudly as I thrust in and out of her harder and faster.
"Yes....Fill....Me.....Up." Sam moans.
Sam continues playing the game as I thrust in and out of her fast and hard. Sam screams my name.
"FUCK Y/N RIGHT THERE!" Sam shouts.
I go faster and harder. 5 more minutes go by and I feel my balls tighten. "S-Sam, I'm gonna cum."
"Me too, Don't stop." Sam moans.
Creampie #1:
After one last thrust I bust my load deep inside Sam. Sam moans and cums all over my dick. We both moan as I shoot ropes of cum inside her and paint her walls white.
I help Sam ride out her high, I slowly pull out of Sam. My thick cum oozes out of her and oozes onto the bed.
I smirk, I walk over to Heath. I get in the bed behind her, I slide her boxers down her legs and toss them off to the side.
I rub my dick through Tobins folds, Sam's cum still on my dick. Tobin moans, I slide my dick inside her.
"Shit Toby, you're so tight and wet." I moan.
"I thought you felt big in my mouth. You feel even bigger deep inside me." Tobin moans.
I let her get used to my size. "Tell me when to move baby."
Tobin takes a moment to adjust to my size. "M-Move."
I thrust in and out of her slowly. Me and Tobin both moan as I move back and forth inside her.
"Faster." Tobin moans.
I go faster and faster. I moan in pleasure as I thrust in and out of her.
"Cum....inside....me." Tobin moans.
I go faster and hard. I moan as my balls slap against her skin as I continue fucking her fast and hard. Tobin and Sam continue playing the game.
I hover over Tobin, I put a hand on each side of her. I lift up a bit and pound into her faster and faster.
"F-Fuck, Y/n right there!" Tobin shouts.
I moan loudly and pound into her faster and faster. "S-Shit. T-There's gonna be so much cum you guys will need to take a P-Plan B." I moan.
"Fine by me." Sam giggles cutely.
"Fill me up with as much cum as you can." Tobin moans.
I moan loudly and go faster and harder as I continue to pound Tobins pussy. After 10 minutes I feel my balls tighten.
"F-Fuck I'm gonna cum." I moan.
"Me too, don't stop." Tobin moans.
Creampie #2:
After a couple more thrusts I can't take it anymore. I bust my load deep inside her, Tobin moans and cums all over my dick.
I moan and help Tobin ride out her high, once we both come down from our highs I slowly pull out of her. My cum oozes out of Tobin and into the bed.
Sam and Tobin stop playing the game. Sam joins us on the bed that me and Tobin are on.
Sam lays on her back and lifts her legs above her head. Tobin sits behind her and holds Sam's legs. I slowly push my dick, both me and Sam moan.
I slowly thrust in and out of her. Tobin smirks and holds Sam's legs. I moan and continue to thrust in and out of Sam, Tobin leans down and makes out with Sam as I continue fucking her.
I moan and start rubbing my boobs as I thrust in and out of her faster. Sam moans loudly in pleasure.
"S-Shit, I'm gonna squirt." Sam moans.
I smirk and keep going. Sam squirts all over the bed, my dick and all ver my thighs. I keep going., as I pound into her harder and faster.
I start fucking her at an angle and hitting her g spot. Sam screams in pleasure, as I pound her pussy faster and harder.
After 15 more minutes I feel my balls tighten. "S-Shit I'm close."
"Me too." Sam moans.
Creampie #3:
I can't take it anymore, I bust my load deep inside her. I moan and hold onto Sam moans and cums all over my dick. We both moan as I shoot ropes of cum inside her and paint her walls white.
I moan and help Sam ride out her high, once we both come down from our highs I slowly pull out of her. Thick cum oozes out of her and drips down the edge of the bed and onto the floor.
Sam kisses me, I kiss back. Tobin and her switch places, Tobin lifts her legs. Sam helps her out and helps hold her legs above her head.
I rub my tip through Tobins folds and slide my dick inside Tobin. I moan as her walls clench around my length. We both moan in pleasure.
"Mm so tight and wet." I moan.
To slowly thrust in and out of her. I pick up the pace and go faster. Me and Tobin both moan. "F-Fuck." I moan.
My halls slap against Tobins skin as our moans fill the room. I moan loudly in pleasure, I go at an angle and pound her g spot.
"Fuck...fuck....fuck." Tobin squeaks out with each thrust. I moan loudly, I pick up the pace and go faster and faster. Tobins eyes rolling to the back of her head as I continue to fuck her brains out.
"Fuck I'm going to squirt." Tobin moans.
I go faster, Tobin squirts all over my dick, thighs and all over the sheets. I smirk, I moan and keep going.
After 20 minutes I feel my balls tighten. "Shit, I'm gonna cum." I moan.
"Me too, I'm so fucking close." Tobin moans.
Creampie #4:
After 3 more thrusts I can't take it anymore, I bust my load deep inside Tobin. Tobin moans and cums all over my dick. Me and Tobin moan as I shoot ropes of cum inside her and paint her walls white.
I help Tobin ride out her high, once we both come down from our highs I slowly pull out of her. Thick cum oozes out of Tobins pussy and oozes onto my dick, and onto the sheets and bed.
I smile and kiss Tobin. Tobin is a great kisser, Sam smiles. She grabs my hand and helps me stand up.
Sam and Tobin get in their knees Tobin smirks and spreads my ass cheeks and licks my ass. I gasp and moan, Sam licks my dick once I'm hard Sam takes my dick in her mouth.
Tobin eats my ass as Sam gives me head. I moan in pleasure and slowly thrust in and out of Sam's mouth.
"Ahhh F-Fuck." I moan.
Sam bobs her head up and down. Tobin continues eating my ass, I moan as I continue to thrust in and out of Sam's mouth as she gives me head.
After 10 minutes, I feel my balls tighten. "S-Shit I'm gonna cum."
Cumshot:
Sam bobs her head up and down faster and faster. I moan as Sam gives me head and Tobin continues to eat my ass. I can't take it anymore, I bust my load in her mouth.
Sam chokes and gags a bit as I cum in her mouth. Sam swallows my load and sucks me dry getting every last drop and swallowing it.
"F-Fuck." I moan in pleasure coming down from my high, the last of my cum oozing inside Sam's mouth.
Sam and Tobin stand back up and kiss me. I smile and kiss them back, I moan in the kiss as I taste myself on their lips.
"Fuck, you girls know how to fuck someone." I moan.
"You really know how to make a girl cum and squirt multiple times." They say.
We put our bras and boxers back on. We lay on Sam's bed, we cuddle and end up falling asleep as we turn on a random movie.
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sturniolo04 · 1 day
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Boyfriend's Brother M.S. & C.S.
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Bf!Chris x Gf!Fem!Reader x fwb!Matt
A/N: If you don't like the preadded name in my stories, you can either add your own name or not read it; it's up to you :)
Emmy's POV: His hands were all over my body making me feel safe and loved. His lips roamed all the places I wanted him to roam finding all of my sweet spots in need. I tugged on his messy brown hair not being able to contain myself from his touch.... i giggled at his cuteness finally sitting next to me on my bed cuddling me finally
Matt: jesus youre adorable
Emmy: you are too
Matt: whatever
Emmy: You have to go back home otherwise Chris is going to find out about this
Matt: fine leaving now
he says rolling off of her bed putting his clothes back on
How long has this been going on you may ask since the day we became best friends. there was this spark between me and Matt and it just happened so fast I couldn't see it coming or stop it from coming.. it just happened...
Matt: I will hopefully see you tomorrow night maybe princess
Emmy: we'll see Matthew
I replied after he leans over and gives me one last peck on the lips. He leaves to room as i stand up getting ready ironically enough I am supposed to be hanging out with Chris today.
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Madi came back in the room, Madi was my roommate in our new apartment together
Madi: heyy
Emmy: hey how was Jacob's
I ask seeing she stayed over last night
Madi: great he is just amazing
she states plopping on my bed
Emmy: well thats good Madi
Madi: what about you? you and Chris good
Emmy: i mean kinda
Madi: ooo spill sista
Emmy: its totally nothing were fine 
Madi: Emmm
Emmy: i just- i dont- got alot to figure out is all
Madi: Okay well i am here for you love
Emmy; I know
I state as Madi gets up and head back to her room
and it was true me and Chris are good
Emmy: oh hey  i am leaving with the Chris in 10
Madi: okay have fun
Emmy; Thanks i will definitely try just that
i tease as she throws a pillow at me laughing. We posted a new roomie type instagram since we live together now
@itzemmy
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itzemmy: look at my roomie <3
and I headed out the door 
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I met up with Chris and we were just walking around the mall hanging out like normal when well
Chris: i just dont feel like you feel the same way about me that i do for you
Emmy:  What no i totally do Chris
Chris: yeah
Emmy: yeah i wouldnt be dating you if that wasnt the case silly
you say pushing him playfully as you guys walk through the mall
Emmy: we are back
I announced walking in the Sturniolo house, since I knew madi said she was hanging out here today, sitting on Chris' lap seeing Matt glance over in my direction
Madi; im going to go see Jacob so see ya losers
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she sates walking out the door. i walk into chris' room sighing after Chris left to go run some last minute errands, hopping in the shower to wash off the day as i feel a presence behind me
Emmy: Matthew!
i whisper/yell
Matt: Pincess
he responds leaning in for a kiss
Emmy: no Matt we cant not now not ever
i say freaking out turning the water off and getting out and grabbing a towel wrapping it around my body walking into my room with him following
matt: why not Emmy
Emmy: Because i'm dating your brother thats why Matt
Matt: ...
Emmy: and we cant hurt him
i said on the verge of tears seeing i did really like him
Matt: your right
he says walking out the door closing it behind him.. i couldnt help but cry... as Madi walk in
Madi: I knew you would-... Emmy
Madi: whats going on love
she says as the she squat down next to me by the bed
Emmy: i-i like a boy i am not suppose to like
Madi: Chris..
Emmy: no... its...
Taglist
@adirtylittleheart @mintsturniolo
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darylbae · 14 hours
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I LOVE YOUR DARYL ONESHOTSSS AAHHHHH
i wanna request another vampire Daryl x fem reader pretty pleaseee
I would write this myself but I do not trust my writing skills LOL. A basic summary would be a lone reader who kinda just travels around, and one night when seeking shelter from a thunderstorm she finds this guy named Daryl, barely alive, and nurses him back to health (as much as she can by feeding him rabbit and meat barely cooked per his request), before realizing that Daryl is a vampire but couldn't really care less ("There's dead people walking around and you think a guy sucking blood and being deathly allergic to garlic will astonish me?").
Maybe for some backstory the reader is looking for their dad (or something like that) who got taken by raiders, so she's traveling around trying to find him and killing anyone who gets in her way, so by the end Daryl and the reader make a deal that Daryl will help her, and she just has to provide the corpses.
Ofc, don't feel obligated to write this, I'm sure you get so many requests anyway 😭😭 Again, love your fics!
sweet thing — daryl dixon
in which you meet you make a deal with vamp!daryl, hoping to benefit each other
note: i hope this is what you wanted anon, and u are too kind! i am so grateful for every lovely comment i get, it really keeps me motivated to write.
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The rain was pricking at your cold skin, eyes almost closed to keep the droplets from invading your sight, and there wasn't an end in sight. You had to find him. Your dad, the only familiar sight left in this damned world, was gone. You'd sat around a fire one night, sharing a can of beans, giggling about another guess the song game you'd been playing. Then you'd woken up, and he was gone. You knew he'd been taken, it wasn't hard to realize, his stuff still surrounded you as you cried into his jacket that morning. There had been raiders on your trail for a while, it was actually a group you'd split away from a while ago. Looking to drag you back in. Why hadn't they taken you too? You wondered every day since, all thoughts leading to you feeling too useless to anyone. So now you wander, hoping to find a lead to get you back on track to finding your dad again. You'd spotted a metal panel propped between two trees, it had almost resembled a hut, and it seemed the only shelter for miles. It'll do for tonight.
You'd lost count of the days now, it all consisted of walking, stopping to eat and drink, kill walkers. Still in the same God forsaken woods that you lost your dad in. The raiders typically stayed in wooded areas, easier to conceal themselves, which was proving to be true. Leaning against the coarse bark of the tree beside you, you'd sighed deeply and readjusted the gun on your hip. Another stolen prize from the raiders which had helped you immensely in escaping. It was time to search for a place to stay. It had started raining again, however much worse than it had last time. Thunder was booming around you, the rain quick to soak your clothes and your hair becoming stuck to your skin. In the distance you could see a shed, or what looked like a small house. Your brain had squeezed onto the hope of shelter, picking up the pace as you broke free of the woods. It was, in fact, a small home. A bungalow of sorts, good enough for you for a few nights. It didn't seem occupied, but you were still cautious, so you'd equipped your blade and held it up as you breached the door. It was worn down, seemingly vacant since outbreak. But in the corner, by a fireplace, you had spotted a shadow. A moving shadow. You hadn't thought it through, you just rushed over to the person, in hopes it would have been your dad. It wasn't. But it was a man, who seemed to be on Death's door. Wheezing in and out, shivering as his coat laid over his body, ghastly pale. You'd thrown your bag off your shoulder, ripping it open to find your makeshift First Aid kit. "Hey, you still awake over there?" You asked, incredibly surprised at your confidence around a stranger. A wounded stranger. He grumbled, giving you enough confirmation to keep administering First Aid. "This is gonna hurt like a bitch."
Turns out he'd been stabbed, too weak to patch himself up. These were all just guesses, as he'd remained silent in the corner ever since you'd gotten here. However, he stayed. Even as you went out to find some dry firewood, after the rain had stopped, he was still sprawled out in the corner of the room. You'd started a fire, and sat comfortably in front of it as you let your food cook and clothes dry. "Do you have a name?" You asked, glancing over to the man. He met your eyes for one second, pulling them away from yours in the next. He remained quiet. "If we're going to inhabit the same home for a while then the least I expect is some information." You spoke, stabbing the bits of rabbit with a stick on your improvised grill made of wire and clothing hangers. "Daryl." He mumbled, taking the coat down from his face and sitting up. It was nice to see more of his face now, and strands of his hair stuck on his face. His voice was smoky, gruff, kinda hot. You hadn't thought about someone like that since before the world ended. It had just been you and your dad, except for the group of raiders you'd abandoned. You smiled into the fire, happy you were making progress. "Want some rabbit?" You offered, waving the end of the stick over at him with a cooked chunk of rabbit meat. He shook his head. "I'll find my own food." "Come on," you huffed, "eat some damn food. You need it if you want to heal." "I like it rare." "How rare?" You asked, ready to chuck some more on the grill. "Not touched the fire kinda rare." You grimaced, gesturing towards the cut up meat on the floor next to you. He leaned forward, wincing as he held his stitches, and stole a few pieces for himself. It didn't satisfy him like you probably would, but this was unbeknownst to you, he had to sit in the corner and control himself. You'd been nice enough to keep him alive, so he owed you that much. "So why do you eat raw meat? Won't you get sick from that?" You questioned, done with your food for the night and just using the fire for warmth. He shook his head. Guess that was too far. Silence lay heavily on the pair of you, Daryl too interested in a crack on the wall, and you watching the flames dance in front of you. It was you making all the conversation, so you had assumed that was it for the night. You'd climbed onto the couch, laying as comfortably as you could, and closing your eyes, hoping to have a dreamless night. "Ya won't believe me. You'll run." You heard, and you'd sat up, facing Daryl who was now sat up, arms resting on his knees with his head dipped down slightly. "Why?" You asked. "Why would I run?" Daryl paused. He didn't want to be alone again. As new as you were to his life, he liked company above all else. Even if you were pushy. "I prefer humans." "You're a cannibal?" You shivered, sat up properly now, ready to make a run for it. "NO." Daryl answered, "well, kinda." "Vampire?" You asked. Judging by his silence, you were right. And it shocked you how... normal you were about it. "Okay." You laid back down, clothes still damp and uncomfortable. But sleep was catching up quick. "Ya ain't gonna run?" He asked, and there was a hint of innocence you could hear. Like a child that had been walked out on one too many times. "No," you answered, still laid down but eyes open and looking at him, "the world has ended, the dead are alive, and you think a guy sucking blood and being deathly allergic to garlic will astonish me?" "Myth." You smiled, happy to close your eyes again. "You gonna suck my blood?" He wanted to, so bad. He wanted to taste that sweet blood pumping around that pretty body. "No. Don't wanna hurt ya." Your heart quickened, and you were embarrassed how much of an effect this stranger was having on you. You needed some action. Bad.
The fire was out when you'd woken up, and the man in the corner, Daryl, was gone. You lifted your head, noticing the coat that had once covered him, was now covering you. Your cheeks tinged pink at the sentiment, as you'd sat up fully now, still keeping the coat nicely snug around you. He hadn't left, surely? You'd made your way outside, the heavy thud of your boots alerting him of your presence, as you'd found him on the porch smoking. "So you can still smoke, huh?" You asked, sitting down next to him and observing his demeanor. Even the way he moved was hot. "Same as you are, just different diet." "Guess that answers my question of how you're in the sunlight." You giggled, and you could almost see a smirk threatening to show on his face. "Want your coat back?" "Nah," he croaked, mid-inhale, "looks better on ya." You couldn't quite believe your life had come to flirting with a vampire in the apocalypse. "Going somewhere?" He asked, and he was a lot more talkative than yesterday. You shook your head. "All I've done is wander the woods for God only knows how long, I plan on staying for a while." Daryl knew it was a topic for another night. So he stayed silent. "Gonna find some dinner. Stay inside." He instructed, standing up and stubbing the end of his smoke. You nodded your head at him, planning on making this home a bit more homely.
Daryl had been gone a while, and you'd cleaned up the place a bit. Making it look not-so-run-down. And you'd even found a book, to accompany you as you waited on dinner. He'd returned back after sunset, having been gone all day. And you were becoming ravenously hungry. "Took you a while." You commented, slamming the book closed and getting up to get the fire lit. "Yeah, sorry," he grumbled, "see ya kept ya'self busy." He looked around at the space you were sharing, seeing it didn't look nearly as bad as it did when he found it. You had only just looked up at him, seeing a sleeveless shirt and being more interested in that than the deer slung around his neck. His toned arms, patches of blood and debris from hunting all day, it was enough to drive you mad. "Hey," he clicked at you, and you felt shameful, "eyes are up here." He joked, and you smiled awkwardly at him. "Ready to eat?"
You'd eaten a good amount of meat, both of you now sharing the couch. Shoulders touching, thighs touching, your heart was beating loudly in your ears. "What's got ya out here?" He asked, his gruff voice sending goosebumps up your arms. But the question was something you didn't know if you were ready to share the answer to. But Daryl could help, he could get you closer to him. Finding your dad again was all that matters. "It's been me and my dad for the longest time. We'd met up with a group of raiders a while ago, who did things we just weren't okay with, so we up and left in the middle of the night." You sighed, heart aching for your dad and wherever he was. "They've been hunting us since. And we settled down one night, and when I woke up, he was gone. Taken. I've been trying to find him ever since." Daryl's hand found your thigh, and you almost jumped at the contact. "I'm sorry." He offered his condolences, and the feeling of his hand on your leg was starting to catch fire. "Not your fault, unless you were a raider." You turned to him, and he shook his head, that smirk appearing once more. "What's your plan next?" "I'm not sure, I just needed shelter for a few nights so I could conjure a plan, until I found you." You admitted, a sweet smile upon your lips and you looked at him. Friendships tended to form a lot faster in the apocalypse, but you weren't sure what this was. Daryl was silent for a moment. "You given up?" "No. Never." "Well let's look for him, together." He suggested. "I'll rip through that whole group if I have to." "You'd help me?" You asked in disbelief. "I like ya company," he confessed, like a dirty truth, "wanna keep ya around. Gotta help each other out." You were beaming on the inside, if this wasn't confirmation of a friendship, then you didn't know what was. "What do I do for you?" Daryl looked at you, your sweet, innocent features, eyes full of curiosity and hope. You'd seen things, but you were truly broken yet. "Help me find bodies, people, not worthy of life, and I'll help ya find ya dad." He demanded, but his voice was low. You found yourselves inching closer together, and Daryl's thumb delicately dragged over your cheekbone. "Sweet thing. I'll help ya."
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unhingedselfships · 1 year
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Torn between "these fit as hell guys with money would 100% help me get into shape" and "babes no they love your chonky self". I feel like these things can coexist but.
I'll settle for "they would do anything to make me happy and improve my health if I expressed that was what I wanted" and "none of them would ever, or allow anyone else to, force me to do something I didn't want to" (unless I was putting my self in significant proven risk of course).
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imaybe5tupid · 23 days
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Why bother? (Why bother?) It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.) It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!) -You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)
Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.
#laishuro#laios touden#i make a lot of jokes on here since part of the fun of this blog for me is limiting myself to only expressing ideas via drawings#as much as I can to try to see what I can try to convey in the limited time I have to draw each day which is sometimes like 15minutes#but laios idea of who shuro was to him and who he continues to be and how it ties into his own feelings of self worth and self hatred#not to mention being so thoroughly defined by having never been indulged before by the men in his life#are so compelling to me#and then of course you mix in toshiros own mind prisons#and their established dynamic of him begrudgingly putting up with him because he feels he has to and bc hes cursed with obedience#whilst laios genuinely thinks shuro does it because he likes it and likes laios because why else would anyone act like that#when everyone else in his life has not hesitated to Let Him Know#this is what is so fun about relationships like this…forever passing by each other’s true feelings like ships in the night#and on toshiros side umineko said it best People are riddles. They want someone else to solve their riddle#they live life wanting someone to solve the riddle that they are#the most difficult riddle in the world#without love the truth cannot be seen sighhhh many such cases#sometimes i get embarassed how deep i get for some of the characters in this series it really is that deep sometimes but not always#but WHATEVER#i never even engaged in or was interested in shipping the several years i read dunmeshi EXCEPT laishuro lol#which i sadistically wanted to stay one sided and miserable forever. I rarely get fed such genuinely fraught dynamics as their one in manga#so i became obsessed#and walked through the desert alone for 40 years and then checked in as anime started airing that other people ship this and gaf#and decided to unleash the jokes and ideas that my like 2 friend who like anime previously suffered alone as though they were jesus christ#now tho as much as I still enjoy tragedy and pain and emotional suffering I’ve let love and peace and requited fulfilled yaoi into my life#with laishuro. and its great!#my comics
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p1x1x · 14 days
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#momonina#kindof. embarrassed to post this one bc its just pure fluff lmao… theyre so LAME in this pic (/j)#i can hear mmk going ったく…#nn’s outfits are always soooo cute though#waaaaaah i love the fashion….#miiiight color it though..#edit incoming#future pix here#mmnn#<- decided the drawings of the two of em can have momonina in them but if it leans more romo than plato it has mmnn#bc i rotate them in my head so fast#but as the days pass i get really crazy over them being Not Romantic but still More than That#im losing my Mind tbh#the only thing im certain of is that mmk is definitely a lesbian all things considered like look at her LMAO#everytime i rewatch i do consider how gay her actions are...???#(i've been rotating mmnn around in my mind since ep 1 tbh... the codependency was tempting...!)#but i keep thinking abt mmk herself saying “i saw my past self in you” in like. ep 2 already... and it would linger in my mind#i had written in my notes a While back#like when ep 4 was airing#that it just felt like mmk was trying to be kind to her past self ykno#because she believed that the her now... had failed in her dream#so yknow... by giving the guitar she was trying to have nn continue that dream for her (leading into mmk “guiding nn”)#ofc nn gives back her guitar though and i thank that person on twitter everyday for putting it so well#LIKE AGHHH THEIR MEETING WAS FATE BUT THE ACTIONS THEY TOOK TO PULL EACH OTHER UP... KILL ME!!!!#the choices they make regarding themselves... of staying true to themselves... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgjhg#idk how many people will see this edit so im just treating it like the void (haha Void) here#(i've made that joke multiple times to myself now#i still think about. how mmnn were drawn to the honesty of each other#and yet. didnt exactly recognize each other as an actual person yet?#nn loved void and so loved mmk for creating it and saving her life. so mmk was a savior to her
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flowercrowngods · 8 months
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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meownotgood · 1 year
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why does god insist on giving me his toughest battles (not having any days off to work on aki hayakawa smut fanfiction)
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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justinefrischmanngf · 11 months
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i need to get over myself and learn the languages i want to learn if i want to learn them like i just need to do it if i want to learn them then i should go out and learn them and like . fuck whatever else any of it means . yes it IS embarrassing to learn a language like the ones i want to learn as an adult but who CARES and yes i KNOW my grandparents will never want to speak to me in those languages but who CARES if it's important to me it can be important to me anyway
#had a moment last night bc i was apparently having an identity crisis which was random#but i had a moment where i was like well even if i learn all these languages no one in my family is going to want to speak to me#in those languages because of [insert reasons i don't need to go into here] and so ultimately none of this is like . cultural Really#it's just me wanting to feel as though i am connected to something when i will never be#and maybe that's true or maybe it isn't but if i want to learn them i should learn them anyway like . at the end of the day#i DO want to learn those languages and i think it would be interesting and i would love to be able to speak to people#in those languages even if the people i speak to aren't related to me and i would love to be able to speak languages that aren't english#and that all stays true even if i am not able to have the cultural connection through language with my own family#like i can go on and on about how disconnected i feel from my culture bc of everything that has ever happened in my life#but how i still feel alienated bc i'm Not White to white people and all of that is true but not learning a language doesn't make it#any better and maybe learning a language won't make it better either but i think it's a better use of my time#ALSO !!!!! NO ONE EVER GOES OH WHY WLD U LEARN FRENCH OR SPANISH [OR INSERT EUROPEAN LANG HERE] u have no real cultural connection to it!!!#so like why is it different bc i want to learn asian languages??? it's not! except in my head! or maybe irl too but i'm just saying#that i think i make all of this a much bigger deal than it has to be#that being said i did just try to look up classes and they r all for children and about keeping children culturally connected 2 their famil#l m f a o but that can't be ALL the classes ............. i'll work it out is what i'm saying and i need 2 get OVER myself#bc none of it is that deep and i can feel conflicted all i like but i should fucking DO smth about it at least#anyway i am posting this in the hopes that i can beat it into my own head bc i am sick and tired of being weird about learning#languages and i need 2 get over my weird cultural identity issues if i want to like . live a life where i don't want to explode and die
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voiceshearingyouloud · 4 months
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Me when my life is trauma and mental illness all the way down but I am determined to make something good of it in the end
#I’m in such a weird spot right now because I can barely remember anything positive that’s ever happened in my life#every time I look back on any year I just see all the pain. and there has been lots of pain#and I know logically there was joy or happiness or something positive or I would’ve killed myself a long time ago#but I can’t remember it at all and my brain is trying to convince me I should kill myself now so I can escape the pain#if my life is just going to continue being pain#I know it’s not true. there’s been joy in my life before and there will be again but everything just hurts so bad#I don’t know how long I can keep going for#but even if I quit my job or drop out of school I’ll have to stay with my parents and that makes me want to kill myself more#in fact maybe that’s what’s making me so suicidal. staying with them now is not triggering my hypervigilance but it is making me flashback#to every trauma I’ve ever had much more often than usual#I’m not myself right now and I need to remember that there is a me to get back to#maybe I’ll go out tonight and remember I’m not destined be stuck in my parent’s house for the rest of my life#anne speaks#like. I realise that yeah I’ve had a great deal of pain in my life (I don’t mean to be navel gazing and also I have been super privileged in#a lot of ways but also ten mental illness and child abuse and ptsd three times over is a little excessive I think)#but there was joy before and there will be joy again! even if I’m exhausted I’m gonna hold on like I always have and one day I’ll be#glad I did#it sounds and feels trite but it’s happened before and it won’t be trite when it’s true#tw suicidality#tw suicide mention
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tortademaracuya · 10 months
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love being reminded by the "bestie" that keeps being close friends with all the girls that treated me like shit about the other friend not from that group that also treated me like shit and tried to convince others to leave me
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snekdood · 1 year
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Im so tired of acting the way i think some ppl on here think i should act. Im tired of assuming theyre seeing me through the lens my ex provides for them. Im tired of feeling like nothing i say or do matters anyways because people have made up their mind about me and refuse to try to see me in another light. I know who I am and I know what im like and im tired of trying to almost essentially help people see me change my behavior for the better from something i never even was? Because i guess i feel like if i act like most people dont know about the issues between me and my ex that means other people will think im just *pretending nothing is wrong or happening*. It feels like i cant win either way. I cant play pretend as this horrible person whos trying to reform and have people allow me the chance to actually change and recognize that change and i cant also be myself and just know myself without people thinking im just ignoring this thing that isnt even a thing i need to work on or ever even fucking did. Im so tired of feeling convinced that other people are convinced im horrible and having to work from there and having to try to navigate that situation and get someone to see my side of things because ive just come to the conclusion that some people just will refuse to and idk. Theres nothing i can do in this situation. I just know i didnt deserve any of it.
#im like one of the most careful fucking people in the world istg#even before all of this but now especially after this bc im operating under the assumption that ppl see me as if im not#i almost feel brainwashed by what i think others perception of me is like online.#and then i try to go through the steps i think someone who did fo those things would do. or as if i did do those things and what id do#in that situation afterward. but i didnt do those things. and i dont need to live and operate as if i did to prove to other ppl i have the#emotional and mental maturity that i do#i dont need to sit here and let people gaslight me into their perception of me or at least what i think it is#i am such a good stinky lil guy. its people like my ex and the people around them online that brought out all this bitterness in me.#i resent those people so much. and i cant help but feel like theyre all stalking me still all the time. they want me to live like that too#like im in a panopticon. but this is what im saying- if i move on like i know myself and operate as myself the way ik myself#THOSE PEOPLE will come around and then act like im ignoring the situation with my ex and 'trying to escape responsibility'#i dont know why i feel so obedient to their perception. i mean i guess i know why like probably bc of my brother pushing me into a box#and me feeling like i have to stay in there or be abused. i feel the same way with my ex- if i dont act like ive been in the box they put#me in this whole time then they are going to get mad at me and try to come after me more i feel like.#i feel like thats when theyre really going to try to sic their followers or friends after me.#idk but im going to stop. i dont care how you see me. its not real. its not true. it never was. i was abused by this person and thats the#final truth about it. im not saying i couldnt have been reactively abusive sometimes with them but all the things they say i did#that they did to me but say i did but x10 worse? no. fuck off. thats not fucking me. you DONT KNOW ME. YOU HAVENT BEEN AROUND ME#ALL MY LIFE GROWING UP. IF YOU KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW ID NEVER DO THAT SHIT. YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT.#which is why i know you dont know me. none of you do. im tired of operating the way i think you want me to.#im tired of trying to empathize with people i dont want to LIKE my ex or my brother or my sister or my dad#im tired of trying to see things the way they do. how my ex is probably just this dumb scared kid inside who does dumb shit and doesnt#think about the consequences and doesnt care about the consequences of their actions because their only priority is#self preservation. like i dont care. i understand but i dont care. they still hurt me. they still did what they did to me.#they still know they did something wrong otherwise they wouldnt have started this whole smear campaign.#im tired of trying to sympathize with them. give them a million chances to change. do what i can to encourage them to actually have empathy#even towards the people they hurt and like to smear.#because they dont do the same for me. i know. i know theyre still shit talking me. i know they cant stop because if they did theyd have to#have more empathy about me on a whole lot of things they dont want to think about bc they dont want to feel about how they treated me#and continue to treat me by keeping up this narrative abt me online. they dont give a fuck so why am i extending so much to them.
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