#but when i say i want to reread some duck stuff i do actually mean everything barks & rosa have ever drawn idk maybe even some van horn too

[swildy]

instead of ever watching/reading anything new, i just want to rewatch/reread things ive watched/read before, but instead of doing that, i’ll just post some sketches i dont intend to finish

[4stars-uswnt]

My Muse, My Valentine [Christen Press x Reader]

requested by anon: Not sure if you’re accepting any request but can you write a cp x photographer gf where her gf surprised her at man u, like her gf secretly transfer there to be with cp. Thanks

A/N: please ignore some of the inconsistencies this story has with reality :) but anyways... hope you enjoy and have a happy Valentine’s Day (tomorrow) and remember it’s a day about LOVE, whether that be romantic, platonic, familial, or self ❤️

“I’m gonna miss you,” you whine, as you watch your girlfriend pack her suitcase.

“I know, babe. I’m gonna miss you too, so much.” Christen leans down to quickly peck your lips, before continuing to fold her clothes.

You and Christen had been dating for almost three years now, having met after you’d photographed one of the USWNT’s matches. You instantly felt an attraction to the curly-haired forward, your camera always drifting towards her wherever she was on the pitch.

After you’d posted a couple of your photos on your Instagram, which Christen made a point to like and repost, you gathered up the courage to approach her after a game, and thus began your relationship.

With yours and Christen’s busy schedules, it was sometimes hard to find time for each other, but you made it work, sharing an apartment in Portland during the offseason and flying out for matches when you could. But being a sports photographer did have its benefits, as your work often led you to spending more time with your girlfriend and admiring her speed down the field and score goals.

But now, with the pandemic, as the NWSL was struggling to field games,  you found yourself with little work. Christen herself was not quite satisfied with the league’s plan for the season, so when Tobin proposed the idea of going to the WSL, she desperately wanted to, yearning to get back on the pitch.

At first, when Christen approached you with the subject, you immediately opposed, not wanting to be so far from your girlfriend for such a long amount of time. Additionally, with COVID, it would be nearly, if not completely, impossible for you to visit. But after a blowout fight and discussing it further, you realized that this is what would be best for Christen and her career.

“Do you have to go?” You pout, sitting up and moving to the end of the bed.

“You know I do, (Y/N/N).” Christen playfully rolls her eyes.

“Humph.”

“Babe, come on, don’t make me feel worse about leaving you.”

“Then don’t,” you quip, grabbing your girlfriend by the waist, pulling her down on the bed with you.

“Babe!” Christen squeals, as you blow raspberries into her skin.

You lift your head from the crook of her neck, your eyes locking with hers. “I know that you have to go,” you admit seriously. “Doesn’t mean I like it, but I know that this is what’s best for your career.”

“Thank you, (Y/N),” she says earnestly, giving you a small smile. “We’ll text and FaceTime everyday.”

“I’m holding you to that.” You cup her face and bring her in for a kiss, savoring the feeling of her soft lips on yours. “I also know that you’re gonna kill it over there in Manchester. The WSL isn’t gonna know what hit them.”

Christen ducks her bashfully, a small blush arising on her cheeks. “You know I love you, right?”

“Of course, Chris. I love you, too.”

“Good.” She gives you a quick peck, as she gets up from the bed. “Now, either quit bothering me or help me. My flight is early tomorrow morning, and I haven’t even finished packing.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

—————

It had been a little over five months since you’d dropped Christen off at the airport and she left for Manchester. Despite the constant texting and the nightly FaceTime calls, you couldn’t help but ache for your girlfriend. Without her, the apartment was lonelier and the bed felt bigger.

It had helped that your work had started back up, first with some freelance work and then with the NWSL fall series starting, which gave you something to do and kept you fairly busy.

Currently, you were sitting at the kitchen counter, sipping on a cup of coffee, as you edited some photos for the Thorns. Just as you were saving your work and closing Lightroom, about to shut your computer, a ping alerts a new email in your inbox.

Switching tabs, you notice the message is from an unfamiliar address, so you presume it’s a new client. You click and open it, your eyes widening, as you scan the email:

Ms. (Y/L/N),

I noticed your professional portfolio through many referrals, particularly your work form the World Cup. I am writing on behalf of the BBC News Media Centre, and we’re looking for an excellent sports photographer to join the team, specifically to cover the FA Women’s Super League and the Premier League.

Your experience is outstanding, adn your work speaks for itself. I think you’d be a great fit for this role, and I’d love to tell you more about it and hear more from you.

Would you like to set up a phone or Zoom call soon? If so, let me know when you’re available.

Best,

Charles Smith

Director of Media Relations at BBC Sport

You quickly reread the email, and then reread it again, just to make sure you’re not dreaming. This was too good to be true. But you shake yourself out of your stupor and quickly type out a response to set up a phone call as soon as possible.

After hitting send, you shut your computer with excitement and throw your hands up in the air.

“Yes!” You exclaim into the empty apartment, as you throw your fist in the air and jump off the barstool.

Knowing you needed to distract yourself, otherwise you’d just be staring at your computer, eagerly awaiting the response, you decided to go on a run.

Jogging through the city, you think of your girlfriend and your potential reunion if this job offer worked out. You decided that if you did in fact take this position, you’d surprise Christen at one of her matches, hopefully one that you’d be able to photograph.

As soon as you arrive back in your apartment, you make a beeline for your laptop. You anxiously open your inbox and beam when you see Charles had replied to set up a Zoom call at 9:30 tomorrow morning. You excitedly type out pleasantries, telling him you’re looking forward to it.

For the rest of the afternoon, you were in an increasingly good mood. So later that evening, when Christen called you for your routine FaceTime, she could tell something was up.

“Why do you keep smiling like that?”

“Can I not be happy to talk to my girlfriend?” You tease, a huge grin plastered onto your face.

“You can,” Christen trails off, not quite believing you. “But you have the weird giddy look you get when something’s up?”

“Nothing’s up. Just had a good day,” you shrug nonchalantly.

“Okay,” the forward accepts, still eyeing you suspiciously. “Anyways, you know She Believes is in a couple weeks, are you working the tournament?”

“Yup,” you nod and make a mental note to mention that to Charles tomorrow.

The two of you continue updating each other, chatting about topics ranging from what you had for breakfast that day to re-inc’s upcoming drop.

“Alright,” Christen yawns. “I think I’m gonna call it a night.”

You check your phone and see it’s 5:37 pm, meaning it’s almost midnight in Manchester.

“Okay,” your eyes softening at the sight of your sleepy girlfriend. “Good night, Chris. I love you.”

“Love you, too, babe. G’night.”

After ending the call and shutting your laptop, you head into the kitchen to make some dinner for yourself, getting on with your evening.

—————

The next morning, you anxiously await for Charles to begin the Zoom call, nervously bouncing your knee and biting your lip.

“Hi, (Y/N),” Charles greets, his face appearing on your screen.

“Good morning. Or rather good afternoon?” You correct with a light chuckle, to which he reciprocates.

“Well, as you know from my email, we are looking for a photographer to join our team, and from many referrals, you seem to be a very good candidate,

“So, I was thinking maybe we could look at your portfolio really quickly and then hash out the logistics to see if this is something that could work out.”

“Sounds good,” you agree, as you pull up some of your best pictures and share your screen.

The two of you look through your photos, many from the 2019 World Cup, some of the Olympics, and a few from random NWSL games.

“Well, (Y/N), your work is quite impressive. If you’re ready, and you’re seriously interested in this position, we can talk specifics, scheduling, all that good stuff,” Charles offers.

“I’m definitely interested, but can I just preface by saying that my girlfriend is a major part of this decision, so depending on what she wants to do at the end of the season will impact my contract.”

“Oh?” He raises his eyebrows, clearly not expecting your candor. “Your girlfriend plays in the WSL?”

“Yeah, well, technically only for this season. Her contract is up in May,” you explain.  

“(Y/N), to be completely frank, we’re looking to hire because a couple of our photographers had some personal issues due to COVID and had to leave mid-season,” Charles reveals. “So if it turns out that your girlfriend wants to go back to the NWSL, then we can work that out. And if she wants to stay, and you end up liking it here and you fit in well, we can also work that out. We’re pretty flexible.”

You sigh in relief, giving him a small smile. “Wow, thank you so much. So what would my contract look like?”

“Well, we can sign you to three month contract with the option for extension,” he offers, as you nod along enthusiastically.

“That sounds great,” you exclaim, beaming. “And just to let you know, I’ve already signed on to work the She Believes tournament from the 18th to the 21st.”

“That actually aligns with the WSL’s international break, and there are a couple Premier League matches that weekend, but I think we can manage, so that shouldn’t be an issue.”

“You guys are too kind and so flexible. I really appreciate it so much,” you say earnestly.

“It’s really just us being desperate for a good photographer,” Charles jokes.

“Either way, I’m grateful for this opportunity.”

“We’re excited for you to join our team,” he reciprocates. “So, in terms of when you’ll begin, I honestly would like you to come over as soon as possible so that you can get settled and get acclimated.”

“I am honestly ready to start whenever you’ll have me.”

“How about next week? The Manchester Derby is on Friday, and honestly, given your portfolio, I’d love you to photograph that match,” the British man admits.

“That’s perfect!” You were in complete awe of how perfectly everything was working out. Photographing a Man United match as your first job meant you could surprise Christen, maybe as an early Valentine’s gift.

“Great,” Charles smiles.

The two of you discuss and finalize your contract and the logistics of you starting the job. Once everything’s settled and you each have the information you need, you wrap up the call.

“Well, thank you so much, Charles, for this offer, and I can’t wait to see you next Tuesday.”

“I can’t wait to work with you and meet you. See you next week. Cheers.”

After ending the Zoom call, you begin to make a COVID test appointment, book your flight, and arrange your hotel room for the few days that Christen doesn’t know you’re there, preparing yourself for moving across the world.

—————

After landing in London, getting settled into your hotel, and meeting with the BBC team and the other photographers, you were now on your way to the Manchester Derby.

In the back of the black cab, you pull out your phone to text a good luck text to Christen.

It was difficult to keep your surprise a secret, especially when you were actually in England, because it was much more difficult to FaceTime without her noticing your change in setting. You had to make up the excuse that you were swarmed with editing and preparing for the upcoming Thorns trainings.

As you pull up to the Academy Stadium, you hear your phone ding.

Chris ❤️

Thanks babe. Miss and love you 😘

You quickly type out a response, before heading into the building.

(Y/N/N) 💗

Love you too. I miss u too but go kick butt.

The match was exhilarating. Not only were you a sports photographer, but you were also a huge fan of the game, enjoying a good game when you see one.

You watched in awe, the level and style of play significantly different from than NWSL. While snapping hundreds of photos of both teams, your camera would always somehow land back on your girlfriend.

Your heart ached for the curly-haired forward, as you missed her dearly. Until you saw her back on the pitch, you hadn’t really realized that you missed watching her play the game that she’d mastered, her movements around the pitch and on the ball effortless and elegant.

As the ref blew the whistle, signaling the end of the half, you scroll through some of the photos you’d taken, deleting some of the blurry and unfocussed ones.

A smile immediately forms on your face when you see a picture of Christen during warmups with a huge grin on her face. You spend all of halftime editing said photo and putting together an Instagram post for your girlfriend.

About fifteen minutes later, the teams take the pitch and you go back to doing your job. Throughout the second half, you could tell that Christen was getting increasingly frustrated, her team getting down 3-0 with only about five minutes left.

You watch as the players high five and hug each other, and you want nothing more than to run onto the field to be with your girlfriend, but you had a plan to stick to.

As the team goes back into the locker room, you pull out your phone to post a photo on Instagram and then you shoot a quick text to Tobin:

(Y/N)🤓:

toby go check out my ig post :))

Back in the Man United locker room, after Casey went through her post match speech, Tobin checks her phone and sees a text from you. The injured forward playfully rolls her eyes at your message but follows your directions.

Upon opening the social media app, Tobin raises her eyebrows, her eyes widening. She glances across the room to see if her best friend had seen your post, but Christen was minding her own business, changing into sweats after her shower.

“Chris!” The older forward calls over to the other woman. “Have you seen your girlfriend’s Instagram post?”

Christen furrows her brows in confusion. “What? No, what is it?”

Tobin waves her friend over and shows her the post:

Liked by mrapinoe, ashlynharris24, and 638,231 others

yourusername: My muse, my valentine.

“As I sat and looked at her

and the rolling hills she sat upon

I thought,

what amazing luck I have

that the world had created

such beautiful things

and given me the eyes to see them.”

- atticus

tagged: christenpress

- - - - -

mrapinoe: Stunning pictures, (Y/N). Love you guys 💖

alikrieger: These photos are 🔥🔥🔥🔥

alexmorgan13: love this 😍😍

cdunn19: Beautiful!

glennondoyle: Love love love love this!!

ashlynharris24: Holy shit! Are you in Manchester????

↳lavellerose: Was this today??

↳sammymewyy: Oh my gosh it was!

↳kellyohara: Valentine’s Day surprise for Pressy?? 👀

Christen zooms in on the photo in the center, her eyes widening when she realizes that it is from today’s match.

“How did she get that picture?”

Tobin mentally slaps her forehead at her friend’s denseness. “Knowing (Y/N), she probably took it.”

“But that’s impossible. She’s in the States,” Christen states and shakes her head, dumbfounded.

“Actually,” you speak up, stepping into the locker room, deciding to make your presence known. “I’m right here.”

“(Y/N)?” Your girlfriend looks up at you, her mind in a state of shock.

“Hey, love,” you greet shyly.

Once her mind caught up with reality, Christen runs and jumps into your body, kissing you passionately but briefly and wrapping you into a bone crushing hug.

“I can’t believe your here,” she whispers into your neck. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, babe, so much.”

Unwrapping herself from the hug, Christen stares at you in awe. “What… how are you here?”

“We can talk about that later,” you give her another quick kiss. “But right now, I just wanna spend time with you. Maybe we can grab some dinner? You can show me around Manchester, considering I’m gonna be spending a lot of time here.”

Your girlfriend looks at you puzzled, but you just give her a wink with a small smirk on your face.

“Well, c’mon lets get out of here.”

—————

Back at Christen’s apartment, the two of you sit down for a nice and casual, but romantic, dinner you’d prepared along with a bottle of red wine.

After catching up, the forward finally decides to address the elephant in the room. “So how are you here? What’s going on, (Y/N/N)? You said earlier that you’d be spending a lot of time in Manchester, what does that mean? I’m so confused. Not that I’m grateful that you’re here right now and that I get to see you, but I thought you were working She Believes, and—“

“Chris,” you cut off your girlfriend’s endearing rambling. “Babe, you’re rambling.”

“Sorry,” she blushes, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“I got a job with BBC Sport till the end of the season,” you answer her parade of questions.

“Does that mean what I think it does?”

You nod, while taking a sip of your water. “It means I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

Not having the adequate words to express her joy and excitement, Christen gets up from her chair, walks over to sit in your lap, and connects you lips for a searing kiss.

“I can’t believe you,” she breathes, rubbing her nose against yours. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you quickly peck her lips while rubbing circles on her hip. “But as much as I love you and all this romance, we gotta get going soon.”

Your girlfriend tilts her head in confusion.

“Do the words ‘She Believes’ ring a bell?” You tease. “If I remember correctly, our flight leaves in a couple hours.”

“You’re coming with me?” Christen asks, her brain trying to wrap around the fact that her girlfriend, who she hadn’t seen in almost five months, would now be living with her in England and flying back to the States with her for the next week.

“Of course, Chris,” you give her a cheeky smile, along with a kiss to her nose, as you quote a book Becky had convinced the whole team to read. “You should know by now that I’d follow you anywhere. You’re the only good thing left in this world.”

[andypantsx3]

hi there !! i hope you're doing well :) ever since i started reading ur fics i've just been really impressed with how u keep the quality of ur content very consistent. do u take breaks in between writing each fic? i think u mentioned this in a previous post when u talked about editing fics, but i guess i'm wondering how u keep urself from being burnt out/if u get burnt out! i'm going thru a slump rn so i'd be curious to hear about ur experience!

Omg thank you so much!! That is literally so sweet of you to say, much as I doubt the quality is all actually consistent—I'm looking at you, in cinders chapter two.🖕🖕🖕

Also please excuse how long this got, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject in particular!!

Personally yes, I do get burnt out, and I do find it very necessary to take breaks—from writing overall and from a fic if I'm having difficulties with it. In general, I try to write a little bit every day, but that’s not always possible, and there are times when that’s not the right thing to be doing.

If you were following me late last year, you may vaguely be aware that I disappeared for two months straight between December and February. Like, just let the queue run through and did not answer a single ask, post a single original thought, or even look at my ao3 comments. While I was gone I barely wrote a thing. I think at like 1.5 months into it, I started drafting the outline for subtle, but before that, I didn't do shit except focus on my personal life and hang out with my dog.

At that point I was just tired and I thought I could use a little recharging to get excited about writing again. I read a bunch of books and other people's fics, and reread a bunch of my old fave comfort ship fics. That break from my own work really helped me get inspired again. Since then I've been consciously trying to strike a balance between writing all the time and chilling/consuming the things that keep me inspired to write.

When it comes to taking a break from fics, I do that too. My Hawks fic lay low has been ongoing since December of last year, when I normally finish fics in under a month. I actually really love this fic, but I got a little frustrated with some plot holes and then again with the pressure I was putting on myself to characterize him (like, relax, Andie it's a fuckin fanfic) so that's been on hiatus like multiple times even though we're only three chapters in.

I think it was important, though, for me personally to take a step back from it until I had the energy to address the things that I wanted to, and until I was excited to write it again. I'm actually finally working on chapter 4 (!!!), but it really took a long time to let that bad boy marinate, and I hope the fic will be better for it.

And I did that with statistically significant as well. This was more due to my workload at my job at the time, and I worked on this one over the course of five months when prior to that, I had been finishing fics in 1-2 weeks. But slowing down and writing this fic over like ten times the amount of time it took me to write other fics was a really good learning experience for me. It taught me that it's totally fine to step away from a fic for multiple months, and that you can always come back and finish it later.

I think that's also going to be the case with the new Deku fic, and I'm happy I already know it's completely okay to take my time. I'm sure there will be new wrenches that life throws into my path, and I'll have to get hit by those and figure out how to get back up and learn to duck next time lol.

Anyway, I definitely get where you are coming from, and if I've learned anything in the year and a half I have been writing it’s that it's totally normal to hit slumps, be they long or short, fic-specific or related to writing overall. Burn-out/slumps are actually not a big deal at all if you don't psych yourself out about them.

I feel like every time I'm asked advice on anything I say this (but I mean it!!): listen to yourself. You know best what you need. If you don't feel like you have the brain power for writing right now?? You're definitely right, and you should take some time away to chill, just consume things without producing, or do other stuff in life that makes you feel good.

If you're two months into not writing and you get excited about a project outside of the one you abandoned?? There's probably a reason. Work on that instead, and maybe let your enthusiasm for that project remind you of what you liked about the other one you put down.

And if that enthusiasm doesn't return? Then let the damn thing sit until it does. There are literally writers I follow who stepped away from fics for YEARS, only to come back and post a new chapter like half a decade later. They are always, always better for it.

So literally just listen to what you are telling yourself, and ride out the slump however you need to. Please try your best not to feel guilty for it, or think that it is any reflection on you or your work. They're just a natural part of the process, and honestly you will be the better for having had this experience.

[partnersatfazbear]

I’m... salty? Fazbear Frights: The Cliffs anaylsis

My initial thoughts about The Cliffs under the cut (contains spoilers):

The Cliffs - My favorite story of the bunch, but mostly because I really liked the main character. Not TOO much to write home about, but I will pick apart a few lines from this one. In my first set of similarities, the wife dies in childbirth. Not only is this a huge fear of mine (for my wife, in the future), but I wrote this happening in William’s backstory in RS. I generally loved the protagonist here, except when he didn’t realize the obvious: the Freddy was telling him not to kill himself, but where is son was. That doll got burned (yes, burned!), run over, and tossed off a cliff for nothing. I wouldn’t be surprised if that thing came back to kill them :V

Only thing that annoyed me was a few paragraphs wasted on a female co worker, because for some reason that was relevant. (No really, it wasn’t.) Why does this series insist on writing PAGES about useless love interests that do nothing for the plot, nothing for the MC, AGH. I know it’s a kids book series but Christ it’s annoying and I’ve been skipping this sort of stuff and the long action sequences.

The Breaking Wheel - This was the story I liked the least, but honestly, the one I’ll be writing the most about. I think it parallels William and Henry a little and I was a little irked how similar a specific part was to my Springtrap-springlock chapter in Resurrection Seeker.

So first, the story focuses mostly around two kids and they are rivals in a robotics class. One kid a huge douche (Julius) but competent and the other is struggling to put his ideas on paper (Reed). Then there’s Reed’s friend, Pickle, who is a genius.

I’m just gonna bullet point stuff I thought was relevant:

- Reed describes his relationship towards Pickle as: “He was so used to Pickle out performing everyone around him that praising him for doing something well was like praising him for breathing.” (This really reminded me of William’s admiration for Henry, although there isn’t any jealousy here.)

- Reed is described as having a “monkey face”. This reminded me of William, mostly because of the criticism from the fandom towards The Silver Eyes GN’s design. It could be a jab or coincidence.

- Julius’ robot is an exoskeleton (like the power loader from Aliens). When showing off, he becomes trapped in it:

- Reed leaves Julius to be trapped in the exo all night, including locking him in place so he can’t move. This is initially to get back at Julius for being a dick, but then the guilt starts eating away at Reed. Also, Julius getting locked in: “Julius jerked his arms, yanking to free them from the restrains of his skeletal suit....” Julius says: “Unlock me!” and “Do what I tell you! Unlock me!”

Reed tells him, “I’m going to leave you here in your suit overnight... so you can get an idea of what it feels like to... [be treated the way you treat others]. Maybe your robot can teach you a thing or two.”

Julius says, “Get back here you stupid ape! Do you know what you’ve done? I’m going to kill you! ... I’m going to tear you apart, limb from limb. Get back in here and unlock this! ... You can’t leave me in here like this!”

So, yeah. It reminds me a lot of Springtrap. As for the actual story... I was disappointed. The story starts off good (albiet with that poor kid trope this series LOVES) and reminded me early on of The Tell-Tale Heart. Then it defies stated logic to make a real, edgy ending that I didn’t care for. If the entire thing had been in Reed’s head it would’ve been better (more akin to Blackbird, which did the “in your head” trope poorly. If these stories were switched around, I think they’d work better.) So this story was meh. Such a promising start.

Another thing that annoyed me was a few paragraphs wasted describing Orey (fml I don’t care if I spell it wrong. Who the hell comes up with these names). He barely shows up in the story and is just a background character... story could’ve worked without him.

He Told Me Everything - If you love Goosebumps style stories, this ones for you. I really enjoyed it, but it had almost nothing to do with FNAF. The Chris name is obviously a giant troll (and to make matters worse his father’s name is Dave). The sister and wife don’t have any name parallels, although the wife reminded me a lot of my design for Mrs. Afton. The backstory of Chris’ family reminds me a lot of Afton’s backstory for Resurrection Seeker. Like. A lot. It’s spooky how close it is.

“The houses were small, identical little boxes, which had originally been built for workers at the steel mill...” “His dad... ...had gone on to vocational school to learn how to work on cars.”

Another thing to note about the Dad is his weight is specifically touched on several times. Seemed like a callback to the novels’ mention of an earlier version of William.

All in all, a solid entry into the books and some weird coincidences I can’t overlook.

The story did drag a little, but honestly, not nearly as bad as the others. It was good.

Now, for the epilogue.

I don’t know if I wanna fume or not. I’m DISAPPOINTED. Afton essentially dies in the end of it, only to have a piece of his soul in a female endoskeleton escape into the factory. Also, the fucking... the fucking PUPPET shows up (and is actually why Afton dies). [Note: I didn’t realize that Left-E isn’t shown burning in the FNAF 6 ending, which many people are using to justify this. Read below for how I feel about that.] I just. I don’t know. I mean, William always comes back, but... I don’t know how I feel about this. I have a HUGE suspicion that the female endoskeleton is what becomes Vanny. I definetly still see this sort of leading into Security Breach EXCEPT for the fact: The Puppet is still alive.

Okay, so those were my initial thoughts. Upon looking around / rereading people say the female endo is Eleanor (Baby). My wife pointed out I missed the long necked detail. Woops. I wonder if Eleanor/Baby MIGHT be our Vanny stand in in this universe, though. And yeah, still not happy.

Afton is pretty much dead outside of a small part of his soul existing in the endo that escaped (this is an assumption on my part, I don’t think it’s stated, so essentially he’s dead, dead). There are parts of this I liked (and William only had ONE line: “I am Agony.”) Like, no shit? I couldn’t tell! SMH

However, despite some of the parts I thought were interesting (we get a thorough description of AlmagAfton and when he dies its pretty pathetic and I had all the FEELS), I think overall I’m disappointed because we may be at the end of Afton’s story. I have a suspicion that Vanny will be replacing him and possibly even betraying him in Security Breach, if this is anything to go by. Another odd duck is that Jake, in the remnants of the Stichwraith (that everyone insists is the GF parallel) is still wandering around too. I’m assuming Puppet went down with the ship, quite literally, since he [William] falls apart into a lake. Thanks, Charlie. You continue to ruin my day.

My wife pointed out the lake reminded her of OMC’s lake and I’m like... Why are we backpeddling?! This entire epilogue is a fucking mess. Another thing that irritates me (and apparently quite a few people) is if this IS the way the story is heading, then it makes FFPS pretty much USELESS to the story, nullifies Henry’s sacrifice / wishes... and that sucks! ESPECIALLY the fact that the Puppet SURVIVED the FNAF 6 fire! I get she just wants William to pay for what he’s done to her and her father, but... Henry wanted her to rest. To move on. She didn’t do that. That’s shitty to me.

Also, apparently souls have a smell. So that’s canon now.

[hopeisour4letteredword]

proof of patience ch1

Summary: In which Flynn grows a beard, and Yuri tries really hard to be a good boyfriend, even when he’s tired. Flynn tries... a little less hard.

Read it here or check the notes for the link to AO3.

Yuri climbs in through Flynn's window just after dawn, and Flynn is nowhere to be seen. Shit. Yuri is on a healthy distraction mission. He was hoping he'd have time to ambush Flynn before he got started on his day.

"That dumbass better not be working at this hour," he says to himself, swinging his legs in from the windowsill to climb fully into the room.

"The dumbass is in the bathroom," Flynn calls, muffled through the door. Oh. Oops.

"Cool, thanks. I'll wait out here. Snoop through your stuff."

"You can come in," Flynn says. "I'm just about to shave."

"Shave away the hours of your youth?" Yuri opens the bathroom door enough to peek inside. Flynn, standing in front of the mirror, glances over to give him an indulgent smile that Yuri is going to stubbornly pretend does nothing to his heart, thank you very much. The contents of his shaving kit are spread haphazardly across the countertop. "Why are you shaving at dawn?"

"So I don't turn up at my morning meeting looking disheveled," Flynn says. He goes back to arranging his shaving setup. Yuri slips fully into the bathroom, closing the door behind himself, and hops up to sit on a clear space of counter. It leaves him in arm's reach of Flynn. He exercises this ability by reaching up to pat Flynn's jaw and scratch his fingernails through the short, stiff hair. Flynn's eyelashes flutter closed as he leans into the touch. "Mm. That's nice."

"You've missed a few days," Yuri says. Probably more like a week, at least. He doesn't like that, less because of how Flynn looks and more because... well. If Flynn isn't even finding the time to shave, what else is he skipping? "Busy, are you?"

Flynn cracks an eye open. "Did Hanks send you to yell at me again?"

"He didn't send me, but he might have tipped me off that you've been working too hard."

Flynn puts his shaving soap to the side; his arrangement is completed now, but instead of starting his shave, he turns to Yuri. He strokes his knuckles along Yuri's cheek. "Hanks knows damn well what he's doing when he makes you worry about me. Don't make excuses for him."

"Grouchy," Yuri murmurs. He lets his own hand fall from Flynn's face. "Who's worried? Not me."

Flynn makes the same soft, amused sound he always makes when Yuri tries to deflect accusations that he cares. He rubs a thumb over Yuri's cheekbone. "So you climbed through my window at dawn to check up on me for completely non-worried reasons?"

"Check up on you? Psh," Yuri says. He kicks out a leg, hooking it around the back of Flynn's thigh to try to pull him closer. "Nah. I'm just here to catch you alone so we can fool around. Totally for my own benefit."

"Uh-huh," Flynn says, unimpressed. He lets Yuri's heel drag uselessly across the back of his thigh, unmoved. "At dawn."

"I would say I just know what I'm dealing with, but I did actually think you'd be in bed for at least a little longer. So really you're even worse than I was accounting for."

"I've got a long day today," Flynn says. "I wanted to get a head start on it."

"When's your meeting?"

"...Eight. But I wanted to meet with the Captains before we—"

"At what time?"

"Seven thirty."

"You need two hours to shave?"

"Like you know anything about how long it takes to shave," Flynn huffs. He pinches Yuri's smooth cheek. "Babyface."

Yuri mock-snaps at his fingers. Flynn snatches his hand back. "Don't be jealous just because I don't need to worry about accidentally slitting my own throat."

"Those of us who are actually capable of patience don't have to worry about that," Flynn counters. Fucking finally, he leans in to give Yuri a gentle, chaste kiss on the mouth. Yuri closes his eyes as he presses back into it.

"Can be patient," he mumbles, against Flynn's lips. Flynn huffs a disbelieving laugh.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mm-hm."

"In that case," Flynn says, pulling back—when Yuri blinks his eyes back open, he's smirking. "You can wait until I'm done shaving to have your fun."

Yuri groans over-dramatically in defeat, letting himself slump back against the wall. He doesn't mind that much, really. He is tired from getting up for this. He wishes Flynn wasn't up so damn early, burning the candle at both ends, but he's definitely not about to go back to sleep now, so there's not much Yuri can do about that one. And Flynn saying he has to wait to have his fun is as good as a promise that he will be having his fun, which means Yuri can hack out whatever chunk of time before his meeting Flynn would have spent rereading every report under the sun that was even tangentially relevant. That's Yuri's time, now. He can force Flynn to relax for a few minutes.

Anyway, it's not all that bad to wait quietly in Flynn's space while he shaves. It's peaceful, and his soap and aftershave smell nice, and at least Flynn is doing something to take care of himself. Yuri won't admit it out loud, but he likes the slivers of domesticity they manage to wring out of their busy lives. He basks in Flynn's proximity, watching as he rinses and lathers his face. He might zone out a little. He doesn't think he dozes off; his eyes are open and he's awake. That's how he can appreciate the moment, after all. Aside from their breathing, the only sound is the splash of water whenever Flynn rinses the razor between strokes.

"Maybe I should just grow it out," Flynn says, thoughtfully, as he drags the razor along the curve of his jaw. Yuri's not really listening, nodding along as he watches the lather and stubble disappear and leave smooth, soft skin in their wake. "Not have to deal with shaving for a while. That might be more convenient."

Yuri makes an absentminded sound of agreement. After a second, his brain kicks back into gear, and he frowns. "Pretty sure people with beards still have to do some grooming."

"Hm. I suppose it depends on the look you're going for."

"Well, I'm pretty sure people with beards who want to look reputable have to do some grooming, oh great Commandant."

Flynn grins as he pauses to rinse his razor again. "I don't know, some people are into rugged beards, aren't they?"

Is he actually considering this?

"Are you serious?"

"Not about not grooming," Flynn says. He still has a faint smile as he resumes shaving. He's almost done with one side. "I might be serious about the beard. What's your opinion?"

"My opinion?"

"Yeah. Do you think it would be an improvement?"

What would Flynn look like with a beard? He never tried growing out his facial hair when they were teenagers, or ever, that Yuri knows of. The short fuzz he's shaving off right now is about as long as Yuri's ever seen on him. How would a full beard look? Would it be the lighter blond hair that's on the top of Flynn's head, or the dark gold of his eyelashes? How would it change the shape of his face? That probably depends on the style he would wear it in... Why would Flynn want to grow a beard? Is this another attempt to present himself as mature, as a young man in a position of high authority? Did Finath have a beard when they were kids and Yuri's just forgotten about it? At least if he had, Yuri would have some frame of reference for how it would look on Flynn. But no, he realizes abruptly, he doesn't actually want to think about Flynn's dad when he's trying to decide whether Flynn would look hot with a beard; that's no good at all.

Scrambling for a safe answer, Yuri manages, "I like your face just fine the way it is."

Flynn blinks, then beams at him and ducks close unexpectedly to rub his nose against Yuri's. Yuri's startled inhale gets him a mouthful of lather from the side Flynn hasn't shaved yet. "Aww, Yuri. That's sweet."

"Flynn—Flynn, ew—" Yuri splutters, shoving him away and leaning across the counter to spit in the sink. Turns out the mouthfeel and flavor of soap has not improved since Hanks washed out his mouth for swearing when he was a kid. "Bleh—you got soap in my mouth! Gross."

When Yuri glances up again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Flynn looks entirely too entertained. "I like your face the way it is, too."

"I like your face a lot fucking less right now," Yuri grumbles, retreating back to his corner of the counter with a scowl. "Jerk."

"Just trying to liven things up for you. I thought you were starting to look a little bored."

"Getting soap in my mouth is not a cure for boredom!" And he wasn't bored in the first place, but he's not about to tell Flynn he's content just to be enjoying his company.

"Seemed exciting to me."

"I'm leaving," Yuri complains, and makes no move to go anywhere at all. Flynn laughs and brings the razor back to his face. "You don't deserve my intervention."

"For my work habits or for the beard?"

"Grow a beard if you want a damned beard. You don't need my permission. It's your face."

"You're the one who has to kiss this face, though."

"I don't have to," Yuri says, and has no fucking idea whether he means that as a threat or a reassurance. Both, possibly. "And your dashing good looks don't hurt, but they aren't the primary reason I do it, so do what you want."

Flynn makes a face that suggests he wants to shower Yuri with more affection for that one, but he restrains himself. Thank the gods. Yuri doesn't want another mouthful of soap. He leans back against the wall and tries to ignore the faint aftertaste in his mouth as Flynn steadily shaves the other side of his face. At least he's not in danger of dozing off again. He feels fully awake now.

Finally, Flynn ducks down to thoroughly rinse away the last of the lather. Face still dripping into the sink, he reaches over to nudge Yuri without looking. "Pass me a towel?"

Yuri passes him the towel. Flynn carefully pats his face dry, and the next time he reaches over to nudge Yuri, Yuri shoves a new towelette into his hand before he can make contact. Flynn snorts fondly as he covers the bottle of aftershave with it and tips some out to soak into the fabric.

"Sure you aren't impatient?"

"I'm just being efficient," Yuri says, reasonably. "I already knew what you were going to do next. Why bother waiting for you to ask for it?"

"You've never been efficient a day in your life," Flynn says, wiping his jaw with the aftershave in easy, practiced motions. Then, in a spectacularly low blow, he says, "I mean, remember when you tried to fix the plumbing for the Lower Quarter?"

"Shut up, geez." Yuri kicks him, lightly. Like the ordeal with the aque blastia even counts. "I can't believe I got up early for you to be mean to me."

"I know. You could've just as easily waited until evening for me to be mean to you." Flynn tidies away the components of his shaving kit quickly, then sets it aside to give Yuri his full attention. As he leans in, he murmurs, "Glad you didn't, though."

"Oh?"

"Mm. Great start to my morning." He eases Yuri into a slow kiss, drawing back just enough to add, "Much nicer than shaving alone."

"I can think of some other more interesting ways to spend your morning than shaving alone," Yuri says, and when he hops down from the counter to pull Flynn back into the bedroom, Flynn follows easily.

Yuri's got other things to think about after that, and he forgets all about most of the conversation. Why would he remember it? He and Flynn say all kinds of nonsense to each other as banter. It's not like it will come up again, right?

[the-final-sif]

interview about writing processes

Hey Lady Sif,

thank you for taking time for us and agreeing to answer our interview questions.

Since this was of short notice we decided to change the deadline to June 19.

We hope the time frame suits you.

Here are our questions:

Can you shortly describe us your writing history? How did you start off? How did you come across fanfiction?

Do you have a writing philosophy that helps you overcome challenges in writing?

Could you describe your writing environment? (workplace, prefered writing tools, fandom discourse, discourse with friends)

What inspires you to write and post in and for a fandom? What triggers your headcanons? Does your educational background influence your writing?

In how far does your fandom experience influence your writing?

In how far do you work with others to create fan content? And what ideas do you integrate in your writing?

Are there certain steps you take/decisions you make when/before responding to a post/prompt?

When and why did you decide to host writing events like your fake fics event? What was the purpose and how did you approach the title prompts?

How would you describe the difference between writing alone and writing spontaneously with others (first in creating fan theories and headcanons and second in creating fanfiction)?

Do you think knowing that others read and can comment on your texts subconsciously influences your writing?

What motivated you to create a story where your readers can decide for an ending (name)?

Is there anything else you consider important in your writing process that you would like to tell us?

Thanks again for your time and effort, we are very much looking forward to your answers!

If you’re interested we’ll keep you updated on our findings.

Kind regards, Dana and Helena

----

Can you shortly describe us your writing history? How did you start off? How did you come across fanfiction?

I started writing when I was very young! I was a huge reader, and even before I was writing stuff down I was a storyteller. It’s a really important part of my family & how we communicate with each others and others.

My first experience with fanfiction was when I was,, 7 or 8? That sounds about right. I hand wrote a fanfiction called “ShoppingCats” which something between warrior cats and Cats vs Dogs, but also made primarily of my OCs (+ a handful of warriors characters I liked). I still have most of it, it’s sitting in my desk drawer in it’s original binder, since my mother saved it.

I came across fandom spaces / online fanfiction in 2012 with fanfiction.net, and published my first fanfiction in 2013 (under Rosae-Sif on fanfiction.net). I’ve taken breaks as my interests changed & life got chaotic, but I’ve always enjoyed retelling stories that I hear and changing them to suit me more / explore new themes, so I’ve stuck with it after all this time.

Do you have a writing philosophy that helps you overcome challenges in writing?

Yes! I write for myself above all else. It’s fun to write stuff for other people sometimes, and I like getting feedback and what not, but I never let that be the focus of my writing. I always try to write what I want to be reading, so when I go back and reread what I’ve written, more often than not I find I’ve produced something that makes me happy, and that helps keep me going when a lot of other things couldn’t.

Could you describe your writing environment? (workplace, prefered writing tools, fandom discourse, discourse with friends)

Uhhh, I don’t really have any one set thing. I mostly write on my laptop, sometimes I use a notebook + pen. I have 5$ fountain pen that I got that I really love when I have writer’s block.

I think the most consistent “workplace” for me is actually discord/my friends. Almost all of my AUs/fics/ideas start as me storytelling (either typing things out or out loud) to someone else. That’s where the spark comes from, and then that slowly is refined through several iterations until I have something I like. 

I really like taking long walks with headphones & nobody else around. That’s when a lot of the very early forms of my favorite ideas come to me. It’s a key part of my writing process the few times I get stuck on stuff too. I just go walk till I figure it out.

I don’t really get involved in discourse much. I like debating people, but I try to stay away from destructive stuff and just have my own fun corner where I create things. I’m in fandom for fun, and I refuse to let me experience be tainted by people who try to turn it into Discourse Central.

What inspires you to write and post in and for a fandom? What triggers your headcanons? Does your educational background influence your writing?

As I mentioned before, I write and post primarily for myself! I have a lot of ideas in my head all the time, and things I want to see, so I create those things and then put them here. It’s fun when other people interact with me + add onto my ideas + create things in response!

My headcanons are usually just kinda,,,, coming out of my brain. I think it’s just how I am. I have a question or a thought and I start looking into it and before I know it, a whole new thing has come out of it.

I think my family actually influenced a lot of my writing style more than anything else. I mean, I was homeschooled for a long time, and my parents were very encouraging of whatever weird projects I was creating (my dad once even let me cut down and drag actual brambles into the basement to create a warriors style fort). I was allowed to dress however I wanted (during high school I worn nothing but PJ pants b/c they were most comfy for me, and also I had/have several capes that I would rotate through), I was allowed to dye my hair (still do! it’s current a side shave in red + purple + blue!), and I was encouraged to just,,, be weird and happy. I think that shows in how I write. I pursue the ideas I want to go after, I indulge myself, I commit to thinks and I focus more on what I want to write rather than what I feel I should write.

That being said, a lot of science nerding that comes out in my writing is def from my educational background. I’ve got a bachelors and stuff. I did take some writing classes, but to be honest, I think my fanfiction experience influenced those a lot more than they influenced my fanfiction (years and years of writing constantly and quickly paid off in college where I would BS papers the night before and get top marks on it).

In how far does your fandom experience influence your writing?

Hmm, I don’t think it does that much? I mean, for the BNHA fandom in particular, I think that seeing all the cool content + ideas other people create really keeps my brain chugging along and creating new things, and god, having seen people make fanart and fanfiction for my stories has been one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced, but I don’t think that’s really changed how I’m writing.

At my core, I’m still doing the same thing my 8 year old self was doing with her pencil and that binder full of paper. I take the strange thoughts out of my head, and I follow them onto the paper until I create something that makes me happy.

I’ve had some negative experiences of course. I mean, everyone does. They’ve all been fairly minor, mostly just people trying to tell me I’m wrong about stuff that’s either in an AU that’s already not supposed to be canon, or stuff I’m right about. Most of the time it’s just annoying. Sometimes it’s concerning. I ignore or delete the annoying stuff, I don’t want to give it any of my time or attention. 

The concerning stuff I try to reply to. It’s been rare, but sometimes I get comments on certain fics trying to tell me what’s being depicted in my fic isn’t abusive when it absolutely is. I try to correct that and link to resources when I do get that. I usually don’t get a reply, but a few times I’ve had people realize that what they thought was normal was actually abusive behavior. I’m happy that I’m able to help people come to that realization.

In how far do you work with others to create fan content? And what ideas do you integrate in your writing?

Hmmm, I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure how to answer this one. I don’t exactly work with others when creating my fan content? All of my writing (save one RP collab homestuck fic from ages ago) is done by me exclusively, and most my ideas are also mostly from my own brain. Although I will say one exception to that is @windschildfanfictionwriter​ whose an amazing bnha writer I chat with fairly frequently when I need help figuring something out.

It’s less of “working” with people, and more discussing things/ideas, and being excited about stuff. Sometimes literally all I need is someone to be my rubber duck while I talk about an idea for 2-3 hours to get it solidified. People in my discord server often help me by betaing (editing/reviewing) my wips. My adhd means I often make weird mistakes, and they’re wonderful at helping me catch that.

As for ideas I pull into my writing, it’s hard to pick out specific ones. I think I kinda create + absorb + integrate lots of stuff at once. A lot of the times my ideas don’t come from things other authors write, but instead come from things other authors didn’t write. When I see an thought/idea/thread in a story that isn’t followed up on, or isn’t handled how I think it should be handled, that often inspires me to either use a similar base concept or similar thought but in the way I wish it had been done.

Are there certain steps you take/decisions you make when/before responding to a post/prompt?

Not really? I tend to just go with whatever comes to me or what I already had prepared. I’m rather impulsive, so unless it’s a delicate subject matter, I roll with whatever’s going on.

I do always make myself take a step back before responding to stuff that annoys me/any sort of anon hate. I have to remind myself it’s not worth the effort and I should focus on positive/fun stuff. I’ll admit though, I have a very combative nature that can get the better of me sometimes. I’ve gotten better at that though! Hooray for proper adhd medication to help prevent destructive stimulus seeking behavior and therapy! Although I do still like to debate stuff for fun, I just don’t let myself get hostile about it.

When and why did you decide to host writing events like your fake fics event? What was the purpose and how did you approach the title prompts?

Oh, I just saw the post and thought it looked fun so I reblogged it. Stuff like that is mostly an impulse more than anything else.

I just kinda went with the flow for the titles. God, I got so many of those, I still have a lot of them sitting in my inbox, most of which I probably won’t ever post. For the ones I did do though, I picked ones that sounded like fic titles I would actually use, and then asked myself what sort of story I would use that title for. Then I just kinda wrote whatever came to me.

How would you describe the difference between writing alone and writing spontaneously with others (first in creating fan theories and headcanons and second in creating fanfiction)?

Hmmm. This one is also a bit hard. It’s rare I truly “write alone”, most of my stories start as a form of oral storytelling and then are adapted to “proper” writing. Most of my theories/headcanons start the same way.

You’ll notice a lot of my posts start with “Also” “Okay” or “I’ve been thinking” or “You know”. When I’m writing my headcanon/theory posts, it’s all written very conversationally because I’m still following my family’s storytelling in a way. It’s a public post, but I’m not just making statements to a void. I’m still talking to people, addressing them, leading them through stuff. It’s just how I communicate on a very fundamental leave.

I’m still writing for myself, I’m creating for myself, but I’m doing it with others. I’m telling a story constantly, and sometimes I’m telling that story to myself, but I’m still telling it to someone.

I think you can read that in my fics, with the perspective I tend to use. I use limited third person POV, but when I’m writing, I try to write it how the character I’m writing from the POV of would tell their own story. I’m not just describing what’s happening, I’m letting this character tell their story through their own voice, to others, to me. It’s a core part of my writing, and that makes it hard to say that it was ever really written alone.

Do you think knowing that others read and can comment on your texts subconsciously influences your writing?

I mean, it’d be impossible for it not to. But I don’t think it influences me that much. I’m still writing for myself most of the time, and I hold onto my bullshit tightly. I don’t change my writing based on what I think other people want to see from me.

That being said, it’s still something I think about. It’s more of a conscious choice, but specifically regarding my stories that have abuse in them, I try to connect in elements of realism and common underrepresented traits/habits of abuse (which I do try to check via research when I can) and ensure that they are then called out as what they are. I’ve gotten a number of comments/asks/discord messages from people telling me that my works helped them realize they were in a crappy situation / understand what they were going through, and that’s something that’s important for me.

I think The Green Eyed Monster is an example of that, where I explore platonic stalking/obsession/pressuring. It’s something I don’t see taken seriously often enough, so I wanted to frame it in a serious but realistic light and make it clear that what was happening was wrong and harmful. I wanted to explore this concept, but I purposefully did it in a way that I hoped would help others who might’ve dealt with it on some level understand it for what it was, and I think it really shows. In the comments of that fic, there’s a lot of very personal responses/stories from people who went through similar experiences. I think that’s important, so it’s something I try to do when I can.

The other thing is I do 100% put references/lines in certain stories with an evil grin on my face knowing that a certain handful of my commenters are going to rip their hair out over it, either because they have no idea what I mean by it, or they know exactly what I mean by it. But hey, I’m a hurt/comfort writer at heart, so you can hardly blame me.

What motivated you to create a story where your readers can decide for an ending (name)?

Oh, uh, “Seven Year Old Katsuki Has The Ability To Kill A Grown Man And No Concept Of Legality”.

I actually can’t remember the exact inspiration for this one? I think I saw uhhh, Markiplier, playing a text adventure game, and I got curious about creating something similar.

I considered using a platform meant for text based games, but true to my family’s long history of needlessly complicating things and creating things where they aren’t meant to be created out of some mix of spite and creative hubris, I decided I wanted to make it on A03 instead. I looked up a style formatting guide, and went to work.

That whole project took like 1-2 months, around school work and everything else. It was created entirely using links that sent you to the next page. That’s it. That’s the only ‘code’ functionality I had to work with. So I made a whole paper map of the routes, separating them out into “steps” and then created unique text blocks for each step based on prior choices. I used a secret point system for one of the main routes, and ended up with 97 unique steps, and 155 different text blocks/variations.

Fun project. A03 was having some trouble/going down right after I released it, and to this day, certain members of the discord server still blame me for that as I was forcing the website into bullshit it was not meant to contain.

Is there anything else you consider important in your writing process that you would like to tell us?

Nothing I can think of off the top of my head. Other than maybe I have an African Gray named Cecil, and sometimes when I’m not ready to share an idea with humans, I’ll talk it out with him first. He’s an excellent listener sometimes, and by that I mean he’s usually ignoring me or I’m giving him scratches and he’s not paying my rambling any mind.

Though sometimes I get lucky and when I finish up a point and ask for his opinion, he’ll just look at me for a moment and say “I love you.” He does it because I’ll always cave and give him treats since I’m weak for him, but it still makes me smile.

[rwbyremnants]

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Hard convos and fluff (and awkward almost-incesty feelings)

Getting pretty close to the end! Also I started writing a new project - I know I know, I'm not even done posting this and Princess And The Dragons! Believe me there's just a ton of fics I could keep posting for all eternity, but they're all a complete mess (except the 2 I'm working on posting now). I might hit the fuck it point and post a few of them without doing any editing or rereading to make sure they make any sense. Yay for all that information nobody asked for!

=Chapter 10

A few months passed. Ruby had no further contact with Winter after she drove away from her, apart from one message she asked Penny to send, establishing that she no longer wanted to continue their arrangement. No more sessions, no more visits to the club, nothing. Even the casual texts had stopped, or the occasional silly snaps back and forth of each other's day; it was like they had never met. Strangers.

Then came an occasion she was dreading. There were other family gatherings she had managed to bow out of – anything to avoid awkward contact again out of fear of embarrassing herself; but this wasn't one she could squirm her way out of so easily. Weiss's birthday. She would never want to avoid her idol's celebration, especially not when she was specially invited! Dodging that one would also raise suspicion, and make it far more obvious that she was avoiding something to the other guests.

Plus, she didn't want to hurt her any more than she already had. Her guilt was too heavy. Time to bite the bullet and say hello.

All she could do was mentally prepare while she was out shopping with Yang, looking for an ideal present with her wife. She had promised that she would look after whatever she bought so Weiss didn't find it; at least that was a promise she could keep without anyone getting hurt.

"Hey, how about a cute little pony?"

When Ruby looked over, she saw Yang was holding up some kind of rainbow-painted porcelain horse tchotchke. She practically welcomed the distraction, no matter how mundane. Raising an eyebrow, she laughed, "Oh God, are you gonna turn her into one of those kooky nerds who has a billion of those?"

"Well… no…" Putting it back, Yang sighed and looked around. "But I'm totally drawing a blank this year. You know she's the one who's good at picking out gifts, and I just… suck ass."

Still trying to distract herself, Ruby smirked back toward her, walking a couple of steps backward to keep their pace in the store. "She told me enough times she liked what you got her last year. You know… the 'banana'?" If she wasn't going to be able to distract herself with small goods, she could by embarrassing her favourite sister. "She tells me everything when she gets drunk, unfortunately."

Ducking her blonde head, her big sister groaned and muttered, "God, Weiss… why can't you handle your booze?" She cleared her throat and spoke up to say, "But I don't wanna get her another 'toy' this time. I want it to be something sweet. Y'know, romantic and shit."

"Oooh…" That didn't give Ruby all too much to work with. While Yang and Weiss were definitely happy together, even she knew romance wasn't Yang's strong point. Aside from throwing herself in the path of an explosion that time a few years ago, the closest she had gotten was buying flowers on one occasion; only to get rid of them when they discovered Weiss was allergic. That was a story she wouldn't let her live down.

"Well, what kinds of things has she been into lately? Anything she mentions in passing or something?"

"Um… music? Frilly dresses and expensive perfume? Marrying the worst girlfriend in the world?" Sighing, she leaned back against a shelving unit full of lawn gnomes and hung her head. "I'll just get her another Victoria's Secret gift card."

"Doesn't that kinda count as a present for yourself? Just saying…" But Yang's phrasing didn't sit well in Ruby's own mind. Sure, she didn't know what sorts of presents were romantic and usually ended up with a cop-out gift, but at least she wasn't hurting anyone in the process of that. The worst girlfriend award for sure went to Ruby Rose. "And we both know she has the better of the Xiao Long-Rose sisters, so don't say you're the worst, dork."

"Does not! You're the real prize, and Penny is so lucky! Geeze, if you weren't with her, I'd be beating guys and girls off you with a stick!"

Even if it was meant positively, Ruby wasn't particularly in the mood to play along. Instead, she shrugged her shoulders reluctantly as she wandered out of the store, walking aimlessly in the direction of a jeweller’s. "Nah, I'm lucky to even have Penny. Don't even know how she puts up with me sometimes."

After a moment, Yang followed. She took so long to respond that by then, Ruby assumed she had forgotten the topic. Then…

"Okay, spill. What's been up with you the past couple months?"

"H-huh?" Even if it was a question she should have expected, she was taken aback, instantly finding herself on the defensive. "N-nothing! I was just saying that Penny's good for putting up with me, that's all!"

"Yeah, but you and Penny never fight. She hasn't seemed unhappy being with you or anything like that, at all." Folding her arms over her ample chest, she demanded, "So what's up, Rubes? Spill – unless you want me to tickle it out of you."

No getting out of that not-so-idle threat, no matter how much she tried. And even if Yang didn’t tickle her, she would be like a dog with a bone. Sighing, she looked downward sadly, still idly pacing around in the hope either of them would see something of interest for Weiss.

"It's not Penny and me that have had issues. We're fine. Our relationship's been pretty solid for a while…" When she stopped in front of the bracelets, she debated where to begin, whether or not to tell the story. In the end… "But… I’m, uh…"

Sensing this was big, Yang slid an arm around Ruby's shoulders. "You can tell me anything. If you could handle me coming out and transitioning, I can handle whatever's bugging you."

In the end, that tilted the scales. Yang deserved to know, since she had always been so open with her. At the same time, she didn't need to know who it was. The thought of that conversation coming to light certainly wasn't a good one given Yang's past with Winter.

"You know Penny and I don't… y'know, that often. So, um, Penny let me go out and see someone else, purely for sex. It worked out so great at first, me and this other girl had an amazing connection… but I had to go and ruin it."

For a moment, all Yang could do was blink in surprise. "Whoa, really? Never thought of you as a 'side chick' kinda girl." She hastily added, "But that's cool! I mean, if you have needs and Penny's okay with it, why the hell not?"

"Yeah, heh… I guess." Scratching the back of her head nervously, she couldn't look Yang in the eye anymore. The situation was too sensitive. "But it got deeper than that. Penny and I talked about it as well, and… and we realised that I was falling for this other girl the same way as Penny. Which she felt, too. But then… then I said some really stupid stuff and made a huge mess."

"Falling for both of them?" But of course, Yang had mostly been saying that to confirm it to herself. Blinking a few more times, she then asked, "What kinda stuff? Like, maybe it wasn't as bad as you thought."

"L-like…" There was the awkward part; she didn't know how to word what was happening without possibly outing either Winter or Qrow. Sighing in frustration, she looked back up. "Okay imagine if, I mean just imagine here – you're about to confess your feelings to Weiss for the first time, but then when you're just about to, you find out she's been sleeping with… with Dad or someone as close as that. Y-you'd be shocked, right? Shocked enough to really hurt her feelings on accident?"

For a long moment, Yang just tried to process the very idea being put across to her. Then she burst out, "Dad's been banging your side-chick?!"

"No!!!" Quickly slapping a hand to her forehead, she groaned out in frustration; one that had a couple of people turning to look at them. "I said 'someone as close as', not Dad himself! But that's not the point, anyway!" Looking around some more of the various watches and charm bracelets, Ruby sighed again. "I was yelling at her how if she cared she would have told me, because that was happening before I started hooking up with her, and during. And like, she knew this person was close to me! And I ended up… ended up learning I'd hurt her on other occasions without meaning to. Bad."

This time, Yang took even longer to respond. They both went back to looking over the things in the displays, picking them up and putting them down. Neither really paying much attention to what they were seeing.

"This, um…" Yang held up a tennis bracelet with a musical note dangling from it. "Is this dumb? I… think she could like it, but I, um…"

Again, Ruby welcomed the distraction. As much as she needed advice for what to do next, she much preferred to ignore the subject and keep burying her head in the sand. "That is super cute, actually. Maybe you can get another little snowflake charm for it too?"

"Ooh, that's a good idea… let me know if you find anything like that. Or maybe a star, because…" Her voice got quieter as she added, "She's my star."

Despite Yang having meant it genuinely, Ruby only saw her usual attitude of pun making and groaned again. "That was sooooo bad, international superstar. But stars and snowflakes, got it."

"Y-yeah," Yang replied with a feigned laugh. Clearly she had thought that was really romantic and it fell flat.

They both dug through the display for a little while longer, and Yang did eventually find a snowflake. Ruby was still hunting for a star when she walked back over. Clearly her mind was preoccupied.

"Um… hey Ruby?"

"Hmm?" Noticing that Yang had found what she wanted, she turned back to the display a moment to look longer. "Still can't find a star… Do you mind if it's a typical one? Or do you want a more… what? Something wrong?"

"The typical one is fine, we dug through most of 'em." Then she cleared her throat and tried to sound unconcerned as she asked, "So, were you, uh, maybe, kinda… sleeping with Blake?"

That'd made Ruby drop the small charm she had picked up, which bounced and rolled under one of the displays before she could catch it. At least it was one of the cheapest ones. "Oh, shoot! Noooo!"

“Those things are dime a dozen. C’mon, I asked you a serious question.”

She looked back around to her sister reluctantly. "No, not Blake. I mean, she said she thinks I'm cute before, but also said she would never want to because of your past. Kinda... crossing the streams, or whatever."

"Okay," she sighed in relief. "Whew! Just… you know, I noticed you guys were kinda hanging out sometimes, and… like, I never for sure thought you were, but that’s the only obvious guess I have."

Breathing with relief, Ruby laughed nervously with her. "T-that's fine! Nah, she and Sun seem to be exclusive to each other, from what I know, at least."

Under her breath, Yang muttered, "She's said that one before…" Then she cleared her throat and said, "Okay, Ruby. Whatever went on between you and whoever… it sounds like you were going past just bumping uglies and into really caring about each other. Weren't you?"

"H-hey, it wasn't like-!" But as much as she wanted to deny it, Yang was right; that was the simplest way to put it. Looking downward, she mumbled, "Yeah… we were."

"But… she's also doing stuff with someone really close to you, and it kinda gives you the 'this room is too crowded' vibe?" When Ruby didn't answer, she sighed and ran a hand through her bangs. "Whoo. That's rough."

"She’s also roommates with this person," Ruby added. It seemed like a major detail to leave in given the situation. Pacing to the other displays, she explained in more detail. "I'm not really mad about that anymore, I guess… I'm more mad that I hurt her. Not just by yelling at her about that, but that I left before talking it though. And that I hurt her before all this ugliness and didn't even know I did."

"God… and you were just gonna walk around with all this weighing you down?" Reaching over, she tousled Ruby's hair until it was a messy brown-and-red mop. It was one of the few things she had done when she was Ying that still lingered, even with how much she had changed before Ruby's eyes as they both grew up.

"Sis, I can only work with the facts I got. From where I'm standing… it sounds like this, um, person is worth it to you to go out on a limb for. I’ve been watching you moping around the past few months, and it's like… like something's missing inside you. And maybe your hookup isn't what you need, or maybe she- they are, and… I think you owe it to both of you to try. Just… I don't know, talk to ‘em again. Be chill and see where it goes."

"How?" she asked desperately with a little shrug. "How can I be 'chill' about it when I more or less said 'fuck you and what you've been through' to her face? Like… okay, it wasn't those exact words, sure; but the message was the same."

Though Yang did wince at the implication of saying something like that to someone, she gripped Ruby's shoulder. Unfortunately, due to her ignorance of the topic, her phrasing was less than ideal. "Hey, so you messed up in a… not small way. Sometimes to get what you want, you gotta eat a little crow."

Which was rather noticeable, given that she immediately shut her eyes tightly at the remark. "GOD I'd rather not hear 'Crow' and 'Eat' in the same sentence, you have no idea…"

But whether Ruby liked it or not, her sister was completely right. The problem wasn't going to be solved by hiding from each other; they needed to talk. To apologise, say their piece, and learn. Even if they ended up still avoiding each other after, the least they could do was try.

Apparently, Yang had been trying to talk to her all along, because she finally said, "Yooo, you in there, little Ruby? Big sis calling!" Then a fist was knocking on the top of her head, albeit lightly.

"GAH!" Flinching as soon as her head was touched, she nearly managed to knock the bracelet from Yang's hand! But right away she composed herself again, scratching her head. "S-sorry… I spaced. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that we should probably check out," Yang laughed easily, beaming her usual confident smile down at Ruby. "This bracelet's kinda lame, but it's literally the only idea I've had all day that doesn't make me wanna hurl myself into a volcano."

Ruby could only smile back, handing over the small star charm she had unearthed. "I actually think it's really cute, she'll love it."

But just after they'd finished checking out and re-entered the mall complex, Ruby was attempting to get some information of her own. She had been wanting to for a while, but didn't know how without raising suspicion. As naturally she could, she asked, "So… who's coming to the party? Me, Penny… who else?"

"Oh, well you know. Family people. Plus FNKI is supposed to be there, and Blake and Sun." Pointing, she asked, "Smoothies? My treat, for helping me out with this."

"Yeah, I guess smoothies wouldn’t break the bank," Ruby laughed, following her big sis. "Family people… so Dad, Jacques… Winter…?"

With a slow drawl, Yang answered, "Riiiight. That's who family is. Oh, I don't know if Uncle Qrow RSVP'd yet or not; he was invited. But Dad's gonna be there for sure." Then she looked suspiciously at Ruby. "Unless there's a problem with Dad being there…?"

"Why would I have a problem with Da-" But given the rather serious look, Ruby rolled her eyes. "Look, Dad was an example. This friend isn't actually sleeping with Dad. If she was, he would be living in the house with them, cause they are roommates with the person, remember? And no, it’s not Penny, and it’s really not me."

"Well yeah, I guess. Just double-checking, okay?" When Ruby still seemed irritated, she sighed and said, "Okay, I won't ask who's who again. I get it, this is sensitive. But… I do hope you get whatever's going on squared away. And promise me you won't sit on it until too much time went by, and now you feel like you can't speak up. Please?"

Eyebrows furrowing, Ruby looked up to her sister anxiously. She was genuinely worried about her… and had good reason to be, given what she had to deal with a few years ago; of course now that a somewhat similar situation presented itself, even if only affecting her sister, she would be on edge. But not wanting to let on how truly she was bothered by this, Ruby instead looked at the smoothie menu.

"Get me a banana and blueberry smoothie and it's a deal."

But all Yang groaned in response was, "Do you have to pick 'banana'? I'm already embarrassed enough about that as it is!"

----------------------------------------

"…but she’s been saying she wants to eat more organic, so I figured, buying some vegetable plant seeds could be an idea; something to do with little Fèn once she gets older, also. Not such a boring present, is it?"

Winter’s father had offered to drive her to her sister’s birthday party to both spare her sobriety and cab fare. He insisted strongly, despite her reluctance to be in his company. In recent days, that seemed to be worryingly common; for her to be alone or seem a little more uptight and serious than usual. Even if he had never mentioned it, her father certainly noticed.

And when noticing she still wasn't particularly listening on this occasion, he cleared his throat. "S-so… Amber couldn't come. She had something with her own family she couldn't miss, so you and Weiss will have to meet her properly another time."

"Hmm? Oh, yes… that's wonderful, Father." It was a stock answer. Winter would normally have offered up something a lot more in-depth and pointed, but it seemed she still wasn't up to the task.

In fact, she had spent most of the past months avoiding any time alone with her father. Not that he would know why. Not that they never talked, but their discussions had been fewer and further between ever since he told her about Amber. Poor Jacques. The only cause he could think of was the possibility that Winter didn't like his flowering relationship. And no wonder; no one would like to hear their parent had moved on, much less such details.

While they were at a red light, he looked around to her, asking, "You… aren't mad at me for dating again, are you?"

"What?" she asked, roused from her reverie. "No, not at all… oh, Father, I'm sorry. My mind is just elsewhere." Frowning over at him, she told him as earnestly as she could, "I didn't mean to make you think I disapprove of Amber."

There was a wave of relief, and right away he swept the sweat from his brow. "Phew! You had me worried there! Last thing I wanted to do was make you or Weiss feel uncomfortable." As the light turned green, his attention returned to the road, but he didn't drop the subject. "Then what is wrong, dear? You've seemed off for a long time now."

"Have I?" she asked, trying to sound as convincing as she could. She shifted in her seat, trying to find a more comfortable position. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Well, you have been a little," he admitted. "So, if it's not Amber… what is it? Is there something I should be concerned about? Have I done anything to upset you?"

"No, nothing," she answered immediately. There was no way she could ever tell him why she was so uncomfortable in his presence now - especially since it was getting easier to manage a little at a time. So she had to distract him, and she could only find one topic that would adequately excuse her standoffishness without making her poor father feel worse. "Just… I was beginning to think I might have found an 'Amber' of my own. But the relationship fell through before I could figure that part out."

"Oooohh… so, it's relationship trouble." While it was a better assumption than the whole truth, it was still awkward for old Jacques Schnee. He wasn't used to talking to his daughters in such circumstances until a couple of years ago, so the advice was always rusty. Still, he tried. "There's always more fish in the sea, even if you have to swim a little further out, I suppose. I know you get out more than I do, I'm sure you'll find a nice… girl, to settle down with someday."

Laughing weakly, Winter crossed her legs in the opposite direction, hoping against hope that it would abate her discomfort. No such luck. "Doubtful. I just don't feel that kind of connection with people. Not until…" Did she dare confirm? "Until she came along."

"I see… the one that got away, hmm?" Given the silence, that was also confirmed. While it wasn't as easy for him as it would be talking to a son about this sort of thing, he tried his best to treat her in the same way he would a son, and cleared his throat. "Girls are very mysterious. One minute you think you have them figured out, the next, you're back to square one. Or in your case, square zero. Of course, you know that, being a woman yourself." Scratching his head nervously, he tried to continue, "But what I'm saying is, don't bet all your money on one horse. If it's not meant to be, it won't happen. If it is, things will… well, they'll find a way to work."

"But I wasn't putting money on any horse," she sighed. "My feelings came as a complete surprise to me; I wasn't even looking! And then…" There had to be a way to discuss this without going into specifics. "We had an argument. About our relationship, and how we hadn't been entirely honest about our situations. It should have been something we could work through, but…"

"Ah, of course. Nobody likes complications." They weren't too far from the house, but rather than pull right up to the drive, he pulled the car over onto the shoulder a moment. "Listen, I'm not very good at this, you can tell; but it sounds like you both left everything up in the air rather than talking through the issue properly."

Winter could feel her anxiety rising. They were so close! She hadn't been mentally prepared to be alone with him for any longer than the drive there. But she also didn't want to squander this chance to have a non-superficial conversation with her father; they were so rare, and if she avoided this one she might not get another for a while. Or might even lead him to believe she hated him. That wouldn’t do.

"I wanted to try again. But she let me know we were done. That… she didn't want to see me anymore. She was so upset, I… how can I approach her if she hates me?"

Leaning back in his seat, Jacques sighed deeply, drumming his fingers against the top of the steering wheel as some form of distraction. "How indeed. Then again, your mother and I used to have our fair share of arguments before we got serious; sometimes, shit happens." It was unusual for her father to swear, even more so when he was calm. Still, it meant they were possibly getting somewhere. "Perhaps arrange to meet under more neutral circumstances?"

"Perhaps so." Her eyes flicked toward her sister’s house and the promise of safety, and she sighed. "We'll see. It feels so hopeless, but… I should at least apologise for my part of our misunderstanding. Then it would be up to her, right?"

"Exactly." He smiled toward her. "The ball will be in her court, as it were. If she wants to play, she will. If not… well, you can say you did everything you possibly could. It's disappointing if it does come to that, but in the end, it's far more satisfying to say you tried than to give up without trying."

Nodding glumly, she tried to let herself believe him. It was so hard! But she knew it was the truth; yes, Ruby was well within her right to end their arrangement, even without what went on with Qrow. Even so, that didn't mean she and her sister-in-law couldn't patch up their friendship, and discuss what went wrong like mature adults.

"You're right, of course. It's… I'll think about it. Thank you."

Nodding happily, he put his hands back on the wheel again to drive the last few seconds of the journey. Already, there were a few cars and bikes on the drive from the various guests. One of which included the small red car that Winter recognised so much: Ruby's.

Oblivious to that, Jacques was already taking off his seatbelt and opening the door. "In the meantime, just enjoy the party today. I'm sure Weiss will let you hold Fèn for longer than a couple of minutes this time!"

"Don't count on it," she laughed as they exited the car and began walking up towards the lakehouse. Despite their difficulties and Winter's private discomfort, she really did appreciate the talk more than she could say.

Once they got inside, they could see most of the guests had arrived. Yang and a few members of FNKI were loitering in the spacious entryway. One or two other children from Fenléng's daycare were toddling back and forth in the living room, their mothers likely nearby. Winter thought it was nice that she had a few little friends to play with.

"I'll be back in a bit, guys," Yang reassured both Flynt and Inu upon noticing the new guests. Suspecting they hadn't seen Weiss yet, she thought it best to greet the newcomers herself, managing to scoot past them to welcome her inlaws with open arms. "There you two are! Figured you got lost, again."

Jacques chuckled to himself, accepting a quick hug from her with a pat on the back. "That was just one time. Where is my other pride and joy, anyway?"

"Out in the garden with Ruby! I think they wanted to catch up a little bit before we gave Weiss her presents and stuff. You can head through, if you want?"

Raising a small bag and the box from Jacques, Winter said, "Where shall I put these?"

"Oh, I'll take 'em while we go through, it's on the way. Weiss's been waiting for you guys to turn up!"

With a brief wave goodbye to the two guests, Yang journeyed through the living room with both of Weiss’s relations following behind. She detoured to the kitchen with the two gifts, adding them to the pile, then leading Winter and Jacques to the rear conservatory doors. And there in plain sight were Ruby and Weiss, sat together on the bench.

The circumstances couldn't be any worse. Both Jacques and Weiss were completely unaware of the tension between Winter and Ruby. It gave no time for either of them to prepare mentally, especially not when Jacques was already walking outside toward them both, calling out to get their attention. "There she is! Twenty-two years young."

Turning, Weiss smirked at him as she said, "You got it right this year, Father. I'm impressed." Then her smile widened and she said, "Hey, sister of mine!"

"Happy birthday," Winter said, smiling gently. For the moment, she could forget about the girl sitting next to her sister. Ruby was definitely very important to her, but this wasn't her day, and it wasn't Winter's. "How does it feel to be another year wiser?"

"About the same," she laughed back with a little shrug. "Yang and I were just talking about that this morning; every year is just an encore, isn't it?"

"Once you're past twenty-one, it is pretty much the same,” Jacques chuckled. “Still, gives us an excuse to have a drink or two."

While he was making small talk with his daughter, Ruby continued to sit still with a drink in hand, staring toward the ground nervously. She knew Winter was there, but was far too scared to even make eye contact with her. Clearly, she had been just as cut up as Winter was in the first place. At least that was one small good sign; the pseudo-breakup wasn’t already an irrelevant event for the girl.

"So, how many others are on their way?" Winter asked, hands in the small of her back.

"Well, there's Blake and Sun," Weiss began to list off as she embraced sister. "Taiyang is on his way with Qrow. That might be everyone, right, honey?"

"Blake just messaged and said she's on the way," spoke up Yang from behind them, who had just finished putting the gifts away and was now coming to a stop by her wife’s side. "Aaaand Dad's on the way but a little held up because he went to get Penny from the airport. That’ll be a while, so… should we do presents?"

"You guys go ahead," Ruby said from her seat. At least now she raised her head a little, and looked outward to the large lake rather than at the floor like she was before. "I'm just gonna… chill here for a minute. Crazy week."

"Sorry to hear that," Winter said almost automatically. Then she cleared her throat and hastily turned to Weiss. "Are you ready for presents, or would you rather wait for Blake and Sun?"

"We can wait. In fact, now that I've stopped breastfeeding, I'm ready to have a drink. Can I get you something?"

Smiling demurely, she responded, "Oh, come on; this is your day. I can make drinks for both of us. What will everyone have?"

"Maybe Weiss already has the drinks I…" Though before she could finish that quip, Yang realised just who was in their company. They might well be on good terms, but an adult breastfeeding joke might be a bit too much for the subject’s father and sister to take. Winding back, she cleared her throat again. "Yeah, but I'll get them though, seriously. I know Weiss wants a strawberry daiquiri, and I’m still on the dry list. You two…?"

"I'm driving, so just sparkling water for me. What about you, Winter?" Jacques asked, although he was about ready to head inside.

Her eyes flicked to Yang, but then she said, "Martini, dry, single olive. That is, if it's no trouble."

"Nope, not at all!."

Weiss and Jacques headed inside first, with him asking about how she was and how Fènleng had been. It was always the subject whenever he came over now. But before Winter could step inside, Yang's hand landed on her shoulder, pulling her slightly around.

"Hey… you got a minute?"

That was quite startling for the elder of the Schnee sisters. Glancing both between the door inside and Ruby on the bench, she asked, "Of course, what's up?"

Glancing back at her little sister for a quick moment herself, she leant in closer toward Winter, talking in a hushed tone. "Okay, this is gonna be a weird request, but could you talk to her? This past few months she's had a bad case of the blues about, um, this situation she’s in. I know it's weird asking since she barely knows you, but… I'm kinda at a roadblock."

"Me?" Gulping, she glanced back at Ruby, then again at Yang. The woman she had treated so badly once upon a time. "I… don't have the greatest track record with helping people. Mentally. I'm honestly very surprised you'd ask me."

"Well, I'm stuck… Weiss is stuck, Penny's stuck… we're out of options. Not that you're a bad option, that's not what I'm saying at all! I mean, I know it's not gonna be the same as when you talked me into leaving and-" Sensing she was rambling, however, she looked down when the quizzical gaze of Winter met her own. "Bad start… bad start. But, yeah… if it's okay with you, could you? She may open up more if it's with somebody who doesn’t know her as well as us."

"Yang… you have me all wrong. I'm honoured you trust me to help her, and I'll definitely do my very best. Just… surprised." Swallowing hard, she whispered, "I've been hoping to… make things up to you; I know I can't, but anything I can do to try…"

"Oh pssshhh, I wasn't even thinking about that!" Yang quickly assured her, even laughing a little just to prove it. But in a short moment she squeezed her shoulder, just enough to convey she was serious. "I'm asking as a sister-in-law. Not as a 'you owe me'. Please?"

That prompted Winter to sigh in mild relief as she patted the hand on her shoulder. "That means the world to me. And yes, of course; I just apologise in advance if the talk doesn't do as much good as we both hope."

"Least we can say we tried. I'll have your drink ready in a second."

Finally releasing the shoulder, she headed back in the house behind Weiss and Jacques, leaving the two girls outside alone. Ruby, who was still trying to look to one side with her beverage to do anything to avoid looking her way; and Winter, who was awkward enough thinking about what needed to be done. It was pretty obvious Ruby wouldn't be the one starting.

There was so much she wanted to say, but in the end all she did was pace up behind the bench, come to a stop, and ask, "So… how have you been?"

Nervously shrugging her shoulders, Ruby kept watching the lake while she took a sip of her drink. Damn Yang… she didn't know anything about the situation, yet had somehow managed to convince Winter to do the very thing they needed to - despite her wanting to run a mile from it!

"G-good," she murmured after the sip, resting the hand back on her knee again. "J-just, um, doing so-so. And you?"

"I've been better… but I've been worse. So… I guess the same as you." She looked down towards her hands, white-knuckling on the back of the bench, and tried to relax. It wasn't working. "How are… you and Penny?"

Yet again, she shrugged her shoulders. However this time she at least made some form of effort to acknowledge her needs, by scooting to one side of the bench. "Not too bad, I guess. She has a new job, but she's been kinda stressed because I've been super tired a lot of the time."

Realising it would look strange if she kept standing there when there was an empty seat, she rounded it, sitting down as far away as she could from Ruby. Hopefully, she wouldn't feel crowded. "Why so tired? If it's not too much to ask about. Feel free to tell me it's none of my business, I…" But she didn't finish her thought.

"O-oh, it's nothing. J-just… uh…" Seemed it was more than nothing, especially when it came to the person she was admitting this to. But trying her best, she eventually shrugged her shoulders after another drink. "Just… felt a little off, that's all. I-it's like that sometimes."

"You should talk to your sister about that. She would know more about that, since she's… already on medication. No thanks to me," she added in a bitter undertone.

Closing her eyes, Ruby sighed deeply as she placed her glass on the ground and out the way. "That wasn't your fault entirely, you know. There were a lot of issues at the time with her, hiding under the surface. And besides, I'm pretty sure it’s not genetic; my parents weren’t diagnosed with stuff like that. So if it’s anybody, it’s Yang’s mom, I guess."

"Still, you… should work on what's troubling you." This was getting harder to dance around, and when she thought about doing so, she found she was unable to. "Because despite… how things played out, I still want what's best for you, Ruby. There's just no sense in you suffering if you can talk to someone, sort things out. Medication or no medication."

"I'm not depressed," she corrected. Although from the way she kept staring toward the ground, she wasn't exactly doing anything to prove that comment wrong. In the end, she placed her hands on the bottom of her small skirt, grasping the hem anxiously. But in the end, she thought to herself; what good would it do to keep distracting and leaving things unsaid? "I've just�� been upset. Not Depression, not anything else; I'm just sad, okay? It… it was my own stupid fault in the first place."

"What was?" When Ruby didn't answer immediately, she followed up with, "I don't want to assume anything. That isn't my right. But maybe whatever has upset you wasn't your fault alone, and… and then you wouldn't have to punish yourself so harshly. Right?"

For a long while, there was silence between them. Ruby continued to look downward, still unable to yet look up at someone she once couldn't get enough of. It was almost tragic how far they had drifted thanks to a single argument. But the silence was lifted by a small, but rather desperate whisper.

"I miss you."

Winter's head raised, eyes wide. Her mouth worked as if she would respond right away, but she forced herself to stop, to consider her words more carefully. Then she stated, "And I have missed you. So much."

Tucking a stray strand of hair out of her own face, she eventually settled to holding her hands together on her lap, idly crossing her legs to appear casual. Just on the off-chance anyone inside was looking. But already, she could feel everything she had bottled up coming loose, feel her heart thudding with fear, eyes welling up.

"I just got so mad," she began to confess. “S-so mad and so jealous… and I had n-no right to be. That wasn't fair. Not when I-I'd done things just as bad to you."

"You didn't realize what you had done was so…" Winter paused, having to breathe deeply. This wasn't something she made a habit of discussing, so even now, months later, it was difficult. "We both crossed a line that we didn't think as important to the other person as it turned out to be. Is… that fair to say?"

It was accurate. All Ruby had wanted to do was show Winter that she was brave enough to do more daring things, while Winter simply wanted to keep the two most important people in her life happy without awkward encounters. It was certainly a fair assessment. Nodding in agreement, she stared out toward the lake again in a somewhat more contented silence.

"…How's Qrow?"

"Oh, he's been alright. They promoted him to assistant manager of the bar; said he was doing a great job with the work but was a little rude to the customers, so he was better placed being rude to the bartenders."

"So he gets to sit at a desk behind the bar and drink? Sounds like an ideal job for him."

Winter smiled down at the hands in her lap. "You… probably don't want to know any more details than that, do you?"

Though that last comment didn't make Ruby laugh. Unfortunately, she was still rather awkward about that situation. "N-no… not really. I wanna hear if he's okay but not like, those details."

"Of course, of course," she replied hastily. "I have no problem with that. As long as you agree not to tease me about… about the other thing. We can bring it up from time to time, but don't tease. It just…" She looked away, biting her lip to keep from showing a reaction too severe.

"I know… I stepped over the line." Nervously she shuffled in her seat again, looking downward toward the floor. A look of pure shame. "The truth is… I just thought that maybe… if I used my intuition and showed that I could be daring enough to try something big like that, you'd be pleased with my progress. But now I know, t-that was completely wrong. That you can't ‘guess’ with this stuff."

The corner of her mouth ticked up as she conceded, "Well, to be fair, you were right with everything except the third person who happened to be in the room. But your performance was… I still have to fan myself thinking about how good you were."

"It… was pretty hot." Unsure if that was crossing the line or not, she shrugged her shoulders nervously. "That doesn't count as teasing, right? To admit that it was really… really thrilling?"

"No, not at all. I… could tell you how I really felt about it, if you promise not to pass judgment. A-and if you promise not to think it means I dislike you; just because I was angry and upset didn't mean I wanted you out of my life! I regret so much that I made it seem that way…"

"I wouldn't blame you if you did… I crossed the line," she admitted again. She knew she deserved more than that. She expected fury, rage even, but Winter had something else to say. "…g-go on?"

"What I said during play… that it really turned me on… I wasn't lying. It did. But admitting that means admitting that…" Winter's cheeks were pink already due to how long they had been talking about their last session, but she bravely forged ahead.

"On the car ride up here, I spent the entire time trying to ignore how wet I was getting. Because I was in the same car as my father. You were so good, and gave me such a powerful climax, that now… now I associate that with speaking to him, being in the same place as him. Which I'm so ashamed of; it's… not as if he had anything to do with it directly, or as if I want to sleep with him! GOD, no! But the two things are connected in my brain pretty strongly now." Now that the older woman had said her peace, she closed her eyes and waited for the reaction. However bad it might turn out to be.

"Ohhh…" Surprisingly, it was far easier for Ruby to take in than expected. While it was good to learn that she had given Winter an extremely powerful orgasm, and Winter was proud of her as a sub… learning that Winter now associated her own father with their escapades wasn't so good. In fact, when she thought about it…

It was the same association she now had with Qrow once learning who he was. Finding out that Qrow was another of Winter’s partners made such thoughts hard to totally block out. A sexual context for her own uncle. They were both dealing with those awful tricks of their minds. Only difference was, Ruby knew she would never accidentally be picturing her uncle during the act the same way Winter might with her father.

"Shit… I really screwed up…"

"Not so badly. I mean, it's almost fun, when I'm not disgusted with myself." A few seconds later, she added in a weak murmur, "That was supposed to be humourous, but after saying it, I realized it didn't come out that way…"

Still blinking, she finally looked more in Winter's direction than the floor at last. Not eye contact yet, but it was better than what it was. "Geeze, I just wanted to do something… adventurous. To be bold or whatever. I didn't want to ruin an entire person for you, let alone your own father!"

With another gentle, nervous smile, she turned back to face forward. "You don't have that much power, Ruby. He's not ruined, exactly… just… this is something I'll have to work through. But it does help to have a specific cause; you fucking me under the desk, instead of just 'Surprise, you're turned on in your father's presence'. Keeps me from thinking I'm even more of a deviant than I already am."

There was a small chuckle coming from her. "That would be the worst version of the Daddy kink."

"Ugh," Winter groaned, ducking her head. "Do you know how long I mentally dissected me moaning 'Daddy' when I’m being fucked?! I haven't called him that in over a decade, and I still had to worry about it!"

"Oh my god, I was kidding - I didn't know you had one!" The laugh was beginning to increase in volume. In fact, it would be the loudest anyone would have heard her laugh in weeks, even if it was a slight form of teasing. Their talk was working.

So Winter kept it going. Yes, she was uncomfortable with the subject matter, but it was also a relief to be able to get it out and discuss it instead of bottling everything up. "Well, I do, but it never had anything to do with my actual daddy until that night. Not as far as I knew, anyway." Shifting in her seat, she muttered, "You know what they say about all little girls wanting to marry their fathers…"

"Not me; never ever been interested in men. Even me being kinda weird about sex aside…" Finally, she felt her muscles relaxing as she grew more at ease; even began to smile. Maybe things were going to work out for them still being friends, after all. In the end, that's what they wanted, to be in one another's lives, regardless of feelings.

But Ruby didn't want to leave it there. Talking about where things went wrong with their arrangement was one thing, but with their feelings was another. They had come too far, said too much to leave it there without talking it through fully. If only she could take that first step.

Though Winter beat her to it. "If you're sure you want to keep these secrets, and aren't already disgusted by me…" Her eyes flicked up to Ruby's face, then away again, waiting. Bursting to speak, but afraid that she had already gone too far.

"I could never be disgusted with you." At long last, she looked up, and right at Winter's face. It was like she was seeing her for the first time all over again. She could already feel the bottled up feelings reemerging, the compulsive need to grab Winter and kiss her as hard as she could. But they had to talk it out first. "Even after all my thinking, all this time with these dumb thoughts… I can't be disgusted with you. I can't even dislike you. And I don't want to. Because all this time has passed and I… I-I… still…"

Almost as if to head her off, Winter went on, "G-good. Because it's been getting worse, even if I've been getting better at processing it; understanding it's a kink, and it doesn't make me bad for having a kink if I don't indulge it. That's not as bad, right?" Her eyes held Ruby's for just a moment, hopeful, drinking in the desire she saw reflected there, before she turned away.

"As you heard, my father has begun dating this Amber woman. I've seen her, and she really is attractive." More fidgeting from the elder Schnee sister. "S-so… I may have had a stray fantasy about walking in on them…"

"Well… I-I guess… um…" Truly speechless after that confession of hers, Ruby looked to one side wide eyed, scratching the back of her head nervously. Managing to force a chuckle of her own, she admitted, "I guess these things don't hurt. Fantasies and all that, different strokes for different folks."

"You know, I could tell he was flustered by that sketch of yours - which I framed, by the way, I hope I can show you how it looks framed. That… is part of what made it harder to forget this whole thing. He didn't know it, but he was finding me attractive." Then she cleared her throat, waving that away as best she could. "Which only makes sense; he's always told me I'm a lot like Mother was. Weiss is the one who looks so distinctly different, even though there's a family resemblance, of course."

"Weirdly? She looks like your dad, if he was a girl… if that makes sense?" She could only hope that would be enough to make her chuckle along with her. The strange thing was, at the start of this arrangement, she was so obsessed with Winter's likeness to Weiss. Now, she could completely separate them. When with Winter, it was like Weiss was never even a factor.

"She does!" Winter admitted with a giggle of her own, raising a hand to her mouth to hide it. Then she sighed and said, "Anyway, enough about my budding Electra complex before I develop a thing for Weiss, too." Turning more fully, she looked straight at Ruby with a sober gaze. "I'm so happy that we can talk again. It might not be easy, but I can't tell you how much I've missed this!"

Laughing right back with her, Ruby picked her drink back up from the ground. The smile on her face evolved into a grin. "Me too! This was one of the things I missed. I mean, Weiss and Blake are great to talk to, but you sorta get fed up with them bringing up their other halves like, all the time."

Nodding, Winter crossed her legs in a lot less discomfited gesture - though she still shivered slightly at the action. "Indeed, they do go on about each other. But it's a positive thing, that they're in such stable relationships." Glancing over at Ruby, she asked in a careful tone, "You and Blake didn't ever…?"

Drinking the final swig of her drink, Ruby shook her head lightly, drawing the glass away. "Nah. We agreed that'd be too weird with how she was with Yang and all. Plus, as much as she knows she's bisexual…" Shuffling up closer to Winter a moment, she quickly checked the area to make sure no one was in sight. Thankfully, they were all too distracted by the presents to even notice those two outside. Finally, she leaned into her ear, whispering, "She is definitely all about dicks."

Giggling, Winter whispered back, "I know. I offered to Dom her a few times, or to let her Dom me, and she said she 'wouldn't mind' but didn't seem all that excited about getting around to it. I saw that as the gentle kiss-off that it was, and never pushed for an answer."

"Yeah… She won't admit it, but she is a cockslut," Ruby whispered back. And yet even when she was done whispering, she didn't move away. Not yet. She had become content with sitting right at Winter's side, even leaning in slightly toward her. So close… even after months, it was becoming like those few romantic sessions all over again. Except there were no characters, no practice. This was Winter Schnee and Ruby Rose.

"Do you still…" But as soon as the words began to form, she held a hand up, shaking her head. "Nah, forget it, I'm being dumb."

"I still miss more than just our sessions," Winter told her firmly, offering it when Ruby hadn't finished her question. "I miss YOU, all of you."

Ruby found no more words to say. Usually a chatterbox who let her mouth run, and she was completely speechless. All she could do was keep their close proximity, feel her cheeks beginning to heat up once more as Winter stared back at her. She always managed to make her blush… and this was no exception. After a brief check to make sure no one was around, she found her eyes wandering elsewhere. To Winter's eyes, her lips…

"Kiss me."

"Are you sure?" she breathed gently, allowing her index finger to brush down along Ruby's arm. "Someone might see. Or do you want them to see?" Quirking her lips, she whispered as she drifted closer, "Not that I would fault you if that was secretly what you wanted."

"I-I want…" She wanted everything to go the way it was meant to go when she first confessed her feelings for Winter. She wanted for them to be more, so much more. "I want you… I want to feel how you feel about me. Even after this long. I-if you still do."

At the more insistent wording, the lessening of ambiguity, Winter's eyes began to shimmer. Her throat tightened, and she leaned in yet closer. With only another second of hesitation, her lips took the younger woman's, hungrily and with great relish.

And she poured every last ounce of desire into her mouth as she kissed her back, as her hand slid up to rest upon her neck. For the first time, one of their kisses wasn't merely full of confidence, sensuality, desire. This time, there was so much affection - on a level closer to Penny's, though different in its own right. Open and earnest.

In the same way, Ruby felt her eyes closing in bliss. Her hand crept up and into Winter's hair, bringing her in closer. Her other hand was holding her glass as best she could, but even that was a struggle. In the movement and effort Winter displayed when she opened her lips slightly further, when she eased her tongue forward to brush against her own, she could feel it. This kiss was so completely different to what she had felt from her before, yet entirely familiar. Winter Schnee loved her, and she could tell from that single, honest kiss between them. And already she could feel tears welling up in her eyes all over again.

Though Winter continued to pour more and more of her affection into the contact, eventually it grew to be too powerful. She had to break away to whisper, "I thought I lost you forever!" before she threw her arms around Ruby, pushing her face into her neck and trembling all over as she tried not to break down entirely.

Although hesitant at first, Ruby eventually found the strength to hug right back, pulling her in tightly as she grasped the cardigan she was wearing. Everything was back, her scent, her touch; her. And she wouldn't have it any other way. What a fool she was to let it all go, to let such a thing slip away because of a pathetic argume-

"Guys, we're starting to open the presents!"

Yang happened to call as she stood by the conservatory door. Why did that have to happen now?! Thankfully, there was no awkwardness about the embrace; it simply looked like what Yang had intended for them, for Winter to have helped Ruby with her sadness. And that brought a smile to her face. "Awww, come on you nerds, get in here!"

Pulling back with a sniffle, she was sure not to do what she would have done - kiss Ruby again - and instead turned immediately to call, "Coming!" When addressing Ruby again, she whispered, "Are you going to be alright? I mean, I think I can dry it up, but we can linger a moment if you need to."

Moving the hand from the back of her head to her shoulder instead, she nodded. She desperately wanted to do the same, quickly lunge forward and kiss Winter. But that would have to wait until another time. "Y-yeah, we'd better. Yang's been worried about me."

"Yeah, she said. Your sister really cares for you; I'm glad you're so close." Biting her lip as she stroked Ruby's arm, down out of sight due to the bench, she whispered, "Maybe… she can be one of the first ones we tell, when we're ready. She and Weiss. I think they're the ones who might feel the most strange about us being anything other than sisters-in-law."

"Yeah… Yeah that's true. It would be a good idea." But it seemed at first, Ruby hadn't quite realised what that implied. Until she started to really think about it. And her eyes widened once she began to think on it more and more, before finally gasping, "You… want that with me? Like, to be completely out in the open? Really?"

"Possibly," she answered with a shy smile as she finally began to stand up, pulling Ruby to her feet alongside. "Depending on other factors. Mainly, you and Penny; if we did that, she would be part of a polyamorous relationship, even if she has no feelings for me. I don't want to put her in that position if she's not comfortable with it. And then we'll have to decide how we feel about each of the other people in our lives knowing about it in turn."

"Yeah, of course. If we don't handle this right, people would accuse me of being a cheater. And I don't want that – she doesn’t deserve to have people thinking that, either. Don't worry, I'll be talking to her about it soon."

Winter nodded, then couldn’t help grinning down at the little puppy. Now all hers – or at least, more hers than she had been expecting. "I can’t wait."

[inumakkis]

Chapter one ; lost and found

warnings ; light angst ( okay maybe a substantial amount )

It's gonna be posted to be my ao3 when I actually edit it more because we know ao3 is superior . ( .lichtenberg is my username ! ) Stay safe guys ! I haven't properly proof read it because I'm tired but I'll probably see a mistake in a week and then fix it then after panicking .

-----

Things were always tough for Hitoshi Shinsou. That's how life was for him , he'd wake up and go to school only to be faced with the relentless bullying from his peers which his teachers dismissed. In a world full of quirks, he would much rather be quirkless.

Everyday felt like a battlefield , trudging through the trenches , avoiding any hits from the enemy and soon enough, he was at the front line. His guard was up and yet everyone saw the little cracks on how to get him down.

It wasn't so bad at first , the occasional taunt , nothing that he couldn't manage . though when he got to middle school, things got worse, kids got meaner. Well, so did he . A strong hatred grew towards the world from his bones that supported his figure.

Yet , the blond boy in class 1a would disagree . He never thought that Hitoshi was mean . No , he found his reserved and quiet . He enjoyed it . He enjoyed how he would follow Shinsou around like a lost puppy ( though Hitoshi would change that to a cat ) and the purple haired teen wouldn't spare him a glance.

Yeah , in Denki's mind ? Things were great .

23rd of June

Denki asked Hitoshi out after sitting besides him at lunch for over a month now . He turned him down.

27th of June

Shinsou had a bunch of lavender dropped at his doorstep , all plucked from the ground . He didn't even need to read the note to see who they were from . He simply tossed them on top of his desk before going back to reading.

29th of June

It was Kaminari's birthday and much to his distaste , there was no happy birthday from the boy he wanted to hear it from the most .

Shinsou knew the date , how could he not? When it was all the blond talked about within the recent week, eyes bubbling with happiness, only getting a glance from Hitoshi and maybe a nod of the head.

He would rather people think that he doesn't care then face the pain that comes with having a friend.

30th of June

Denki still hung around him , acted as if he didn't ignore the day he was most excited for out of the entire year . Shinsou didn't say a word.

1st of July

When hitoshi woke up , he had a gift at the foot of his bed and he wondered how Denki managed to break in to the dorms to drop it off. With tired eyes, he grabbed the note taped to the package .

— to toshi shinsou

“ I understand that you may not like me but I like you dude ! You think you're so tough but you're totally not . I hear boys like handwritten notes and I should know that since I am one but I have yet to receive one so it's a new experience for me too !!!!! Hppay happy birthday , I'm not mad at you . I know you don't want to be my friend and that's a-okay ! Just please let me down slowly ? I won't hang around with you anymore if that's what you want . I mean, you probably didn't like me in the first place and you wouldn't be the first so don't worry ! Pikaboy is fine with it ! Happy birthday .

Ps . A thank you would be greatly appreciated.

Pss . Also come on a date with me this Tuesday? I'll be at the restaurant down the road at 7pm . ”

Sincerly sincerely , Kaminari. :)

Shinsou paused . They were back to a last name basis now, Denki had officially removed his nickname from his vocabulary.

He pondered on why Kaminari would constantly go through trouble to make him happy and yet didn't even get a smile in return. Heck, by the last sentence , Denki seemed happy enough to be stood up publicly. Could he really do that to him though? Judging by the ink smudges on the paper , he couldn't . Sunshine boy had either spilt water very precisely or cried while writing it . He hoped it wasn't the latter. It made his chest ache and twist as he reread it four times . He noticed the spelling mistakes and how there would be another teardrop straight after as if he hated himself more for ruining the letter .

Hitoshi eventually tore his tired eyes away from the paper and opened the box which was at the bottom of his bed. He couldn't help the sweet laugh that escaped him. There would be no point hiding it now , after all no one was here to judge him or swear they say him show more than a stoic look.

It was a hoodie , purple and a few shades darker than his hair with the word ' mind fuck ' written across each sleeve while the front was decorated by cats .

Custom made , suddenly a tear dropped and Shinsou stared at it as if it had personally insulted him. He watched as the hoodie took it in , leaving the wet mark for show.

He would turn up to that date . He refused to wear anything fancy but he couldn't let Kaminari know .

5th of July

" dunce face , he isn't going to come ! He hates you ." Bakugou exclaimed as he watched Denki apply his eyeliner for the fifth time. Each time he applied it, he would cry it off .

" you think I don't know that ? I have to try though ! We're meant to help people and if my purpose is just getting myself involved in things that he doesn't like just to show that I care then I can proudly class myself as a hero !"

Mina rested a pink hand on his shoulder , wiping his eyes once more. " Come on, Danks ! He's gonna come , Bakubabe is just jealous because he can't get a date with Kiri ."

" WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING ME THAT, RACCOON EYES— "

Hanta laughed from the background , playing some weird game on his phone . " Bakugou and Kiri sitting in a tree , K-I-S-S-I-N- OH MY GOD." The boy exclaimed as he ducked from an explosion that was sent his way .

Denki only laughed as Mina tilted his head back to stop the tears and began giving him some sharp winged liner . " Right , you look hot now go get that outfit on and get your sweet ass back here so i can do your hair."

" but I already did my ha-"

Mina out a finger to his lips. " Ah— Mama Mina knows best now hurry up . "

It turns out that Mama Mina did know best because low and behold, Shinsou was waiting right at the restaurant , 7:01 sharp. Hitoshi was far from a people pleaser , perhaps the opposite to Denki. He could give less of shit about what everyone else wanted but when someone had shown him unconditional care ? He knew he had to do something because what kind of hero would he be if he let them suffer due to his ignorance ?

" Let's make this quick." He commented , eyes sharp as he looked to the bubbly boy who had just turned up. It was clear that he wasn't expecting the other man there. His face lit up.

" O-oh yeah ! Sure dude !" Denki managed to get out as he walked inside the restaurant. It was far from fancy, that was clear . " Hey hun !" A woman gave a wide smile to Denki who wrapped his arms around her.

Hitoshi's mind wandered . Was this some kind of joke ? Why was he hugging a girl on a date with him ? Did he say date ? No he meant an outing because he felt sorry for him. That's it . Yeah -

" and you must be the boy that Denki has told me so much about - "

" AOI !" Denki's face flushed scarlet .

" sup, I'm his sister . "

Oh. . .

Oh .

That makes sense.

He looked between the two of them , why didn't he see it before ? The golden yellow hair , sitting in spikes across their heads , though hers was much shorter. They had the same smile and same eyes , the only difference was that her hair had a sideshave with the lightning bolt there.

Needless to say, Hitoshi felt dumb which wasn't meant to happen.

" that's very nice , I guess ?" It came out as a question , he had no idea on how to interact with people. That kind of went with his whole " no friends " thing .

" yeah , so get us a table , pronto !" Denki exclaimed and shoved Aoi along . " I'm going ! I'm going! There's a table over there , it ain't nothing fancy but you'll live. Your date " she wiggled her eyebrows at Denki who groaned. " doesn't seem like a people person , who knows why he's hanging with you - wait , sorry! I've been calling you a he ! You are okay with that , aren't you ?" Her attention turned to Shinsou who only managed to get out a little nod.

She let out a sigh of relief as she handed them both the menu's as they sat down. It wasn't long until she was off to go flirt with someone. Classic Kaminari's.

" She works at an lgbtq+ shelter for teenagers so she's really hyper aware of everyone's sexuality and stuff. " Denki commented , tapping his fingers on the table .

" that's good, I guess ? " Shinsou pondered their background for a moment before the blond boy pulled him from his thoughts.

" hey , my back hurts -"

" what? Why ? "

" from carrying this entire conversation." Kaminari let out a laugh and Hitoshi gave a fond roll of his eyes in return along with a chuckle.

He didn't realise his mistake until it was too late .

" you laughed at my joke ! You laughed ! Fuck yeah ! "

" wait no I didn't !"

And so came joke galore from Denki for the rest of their date . Kaminari wasn't funny , but the way he delivered each joke made Hitoshi's chest pound more and more.

He had been ignoring this .

As they walked out after a very full stomach and a very large discount, he tried to ignore the guilt eating up at him.

Denki had cried because of him, he had cried because he was ignored and he was now acting like Shinsou hadn't done anything to offend him ? What had this kid gone through ?

" so I said - hey are you listening ?" Denki pulled away from his ramble that he was on about Sero and Mina.

" uh yeah , Sero accidentally kicked Ashido in the face and she fought him."

Denki's face lit up and he continued to talk. He tried his best not to zone out this time .

Yeah , things weren't perfect but he could make an effort . Right ?

[remywrites5]

Can you write something about harry and sirius godfather relationship

Remus had just finished putting Teddy down for the night when he went into his study and booted up his laptop. He clicked on Youtube and went to his favorite channel “Rebel without a Sprog.” A video had been uploaded earlier that day and Remus was anxious to watch it.

           He clicked on it and sat back as it began to play. He turned the volume down a bit so it wouldn’t disturb Teddy who was sleeping down the hall. It seemed to be a Q&A video. Sirius, the person who ran the channel, came into view sitting in a large comfy looking chair. Their long dark hair had been braided to the side and they were wearing an off the shoulder grey oversized t-shirt and leggings. Their knee was up towards their chest, hugging it with a playful smile on their lips.

           “Hi everyone!” Sirius said, giving a little wave. “It’s been awhile since we’ve done a Q and A video and some of you have been asking for one. Some of these might be repeats of other Q and A videos because I’m too lazy to go back and see what has already been asked.”

           Sirius grabbed their phone and brought it up, resting it on their knee so they could read it. “The first question is what does Harry call me. I know being genderfluid might make the mum or dad moniker kind of tricky, but seeing as I’m not his mum or dad he just calls me Padfoot or Pads. It was a nickname James came up with when we were together at school and it just kind of stuck. I find that’s easier for me because I’m not looking to replace his parents so I don’t think mum or dad would ever truly feel like they fit me all that well.”

           Sirius continued on – answering some questions about parenting. Remus tried to pay attention but he was distracted by Sirius and watching them as they talked. They had on some sort of lipstick that made their lips really shiny and Remus found he couldn’t look away. He would end up re-watching the video anyway like he did with all of Sirius’ videos.

           He stopped being distracted when a question came up about Sirus’ love life. “Oh no, I hate this question but I’m going to answer it anyway. How do you balance raising a child on your own and having a love life?” Sirius exhaled loudly and stared at the camera for a moment. “So here’s the thing about this question, at least when it comes to me. Harry comes first – full stop. If it’s a choice between raising Harry right or finding love for myself, the choice is easy. It’s always going to be Harry. When James and Lily died they entrusted their son to me and that is not a task I take lightly. So right now I’m not dating. It’s difficult enough to find someone who is fine with me as I am without throwing in the fact that I’ve got a kid. Now if some gorgeous stranger wanted to show up and sweep me off my feet I’m not going to protest that. But if Harry doesn’t like whom I date then I wouldn’t date them because he’s my priority. I would never put my happiness over his. It just wouldn’t happen. Maybe I’m not the right person to ask this question to because as of right now I don’t balance it and I don’t date.”

           Remus smiled to himself and played with one of his curls. No matter what kind of day he was having, watching Sirius’ videos always made him feel better. It hadn’t been easy going for the last year. Remus’ best friend Tonks was Aro and while she didn’t want a relationship, she had decided she wanted a child. She and Remus had sat down and had a good long discussion about it.

           They decided they would do in vitro but Tonks wanted him to have shared custody of the child. Remus had agreed because he couldn’t say no to her, but he wasn’t even sure he wanted children. He had thought he was doing her a favor but he could see how the task of becoming a single mum was kind of daunting.

           Since being born, Teddy would spend Wednesday through Saturday afternoon with Remus and then Saturday evening to Tuesday with Tonks. It was a good system so far but Remus realized quickly how wholly unprepared he was to be a father. One night Teddy had been screaming his head off and Remus had no idea why. He had eventually broken down into tears and neither of them had stopped until Teddy finally passed out from exhaustion of crying.

           It was that night that Remus found Sirius’ videos, looking for any guidance on what the fuck he was doing with his son. While most of Sirius’ videos were on the silly side, they also had a lot of good information. And sometimes all Remus needed was something that made him smile.

           One of his favorite videos was titled “How to tire out your Sprog!” and it began with Sirius and Harry yelling “Dance party!” What proceeded was three minutes of Sirius and Harry jumping around their living room and dancing like lunatics to The Ramones “I Wanna Be Sedated.” When the song ended, Harry collapsed on the sofa and Sirius got close to the camera. “Something like that,” they said with a wink before turning the camera off.

           Remus had probably watched it a good thirty or forty times because it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen.

           He clicked on the description of the Q&A video and saw that there was an email address along with all of Sirius’ social media handles. Before he could think better of it, he pulled up his email and copied the one from the video.

           Hello,

           I just wanted to reach out and let you know how much your videos mean to me. I bet you get this all the time from your adoring fans, but I’m a new single father, so finding your videos has been a godsend. I was a mess and really struggling but even if your videos didn’t apply to my situation (because my son is only a year old instead of four like Harry) your videos always make me smile. I don’t have any friends that are parents, except for my son’s mum, so watching your vlogs makes me feel a little less alone.

           I guess this was all just a longwinded way of saying thank you.

           So thank you,

           Remus Lupin

Against his better judgment, he pressed send. Unable to sit there any longer because of his nerves, he shut his laptop and headed off to bed to get some sleep while he could.

                                                           ***

           It was three days later and Remus had mostly forgotten about his email sent to Sirius. He didn’t regret sending it but he was a little embarrassed about gushing his feelings to a complete stranger on the internet. Although he doubted that was something Sirius even checked themselves. They probably had a team of people to do stuff like that for them.

           So when Remus got a response from Sirius’ email account, he assumed it would be some generic “thanks for being a fan” type of email. Instead when he opened it up he found a brief message but one still surprising.

           Remus,

           Harry and I will be at the London Zoo on Saturday if you and your son wanted to join us. We’ll meet you outside at noon if you’re keen. I hope you show up!

           Sirius Black

           Remus reread the email a good twenty times and then walked away from his laptop, rebooted it and checked again just to be sure. If he had lived with someone who could actually read he would make them read it just to be sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

           He was definitely going to go to the zoo even if he was imagining that Sirius had emailed him. At the very least it would be a fun day at the zoo with his son. And there was always a chance that Remus’ crush might be there looking to spend time with him.

                                                                       ***

           Remus held Teddy against his hip as he made his way from the car park at the zoo. As he walked towards the front entrance he could see that familiar head of long dark hair, pulled up into a messy bun, and he felt his heartbeat speed up. He couldn’t believe that they were really here, holding little Harry’s hand. They had on a crop top with a leather jacket and leggings. They made Remus feel wholly underdressed in his jeans and jumper.

           Remus carefully approached and gave a small wave. “Hi, I’m Remus,” he introduced himself nervously. “And this is Teddy.”

           “Hi Teddy!” Harry said, waving excitedly.

           Sirius grinned at him. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you!” they said enthusiastically. “I was a little worried you wouldn’t show. I know my invitation was a little unconventional.”

           “No, it was wonderful,” Remus said, adjusting Teddy who has slid slightly down his hip. “I was a little surprised you responded to me.”

           Sirius’ smile widened. “Well your email was just so nice and sweet I couldn’t help it. Besides, it sounded like you could use some company, and well I don’t have too many people to hang out with besides Haz, so I figured we could both benefit. “

           Remus ducked his head and felt himself blush slightly. “Did I come off that pathetic in my email?”

           Sirius barked out a laugh. “Not at all,” they said, reaching out with their free hand and giving Remus’ arm a squeeze. “If you’re pathetic then I’m pathetic too.”

           “Just a couple of people with no friends,” Remus said, chuckling softly and trying not to freak out that Sirius had just touched him.

            “Can we go in, Pads?” Harry asked, tugging on Sirius’ jacket.

           “Of course Sprog!” Sirius said, gesturing towards the door. “Lead the way!”

           Teddy was squirming in Remus’ arms so he let his son down. Teddy immediately went over to Harry, curious about the older boy. Harry took Teddy’s hand and they began to walk together inside.

           “Are you going to hold my hand?” Sirius asked, holding their hand out and wiggling their fingers playfully.

           Remus felt his face get hot as he took Sirius’ hand. Sirius beamed at him approvingly and they went inside the zoo. Remus kept a close eye on Teddy as the zoo was fairly crowded. Harry was so good with Teddy, making sure not to walk too fast so Teddy could keep up. Teddy was a quiet kid and he watched Harry in fascination while Harry pointed things out to him.

           “You know, I was hoping you’d be cute,” Sirius said, giving Remus’ hand a squeeze.

           “Oh?” Remus inquired, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is that what I am?”

           “Extremely,” Sirius said, shooting Remus a wink.

           “Do you always say things like that?” Remus asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

           Sirius shrugged. “Only if you like it,” they said, gently pressing against Remus for a moment. “If you don’t then I’ll stop.”

           “I like it,” Remus confessed, releasing Sirius’ hand in favor of putting his arm around their bare waist and holding onto them. “And I’m a little awed that I’m here with you right now.”

           Sirius beamed at Remus, their smile dazzling just like the rest of them. They slid their hand into the back pocket of Remus’ jeans as they pressed close to each other. They chatted quietly while keeping an eye on their kids. Remus told Sirius about Tonks and how it had resulted in Teddy. Sirius told Remus about James and Lily while getting a little sad when he spoke about the car crash that had taken them. For a fun trip to the zoo it seemed like some heavy topics of discussion. Remus felt comfortable around Sirius, which was surprising for how much he fancied them, but there was something about Sirius that put him at ease. Before Remus knew it they had looped around the zoo, making sure to see pretty much everything. Sirius had their phone out and documented a fair bit of their outing, after asking Remus if it was okay.

           By the end Teddy was tired of walking so Remus picked him up again, sad to be separated from Sirius. They stopped in the gift shop to get stuffed animals for the kids, an owl for Harry and a sloth for Teddy. While the kids picked out the animals they wanted, Sirius and Remus exchanged numbers. Remus wasn’t sure if it was to set up playdates for the kids of playdates for them. He hoped it at least was both. They were heading towards the exit and Remus wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye.

           Harry tugged on Remus’ jumper. “Remus, can you and Teddy come back to our house for ice cream?”

           Sirius snorted and put their hands on their hips. “And who said you’re getting ice cream, sprog?”

           Harry looked a bit sheepish. “Can they, Pads?”

           “It’s okay with me.”

           “You don’t have to do that,” Remus said quickly, not wanting to be an imposition no matter how badly he wanted to spend more time with Sirius.

           “Ice cream!” Teddy said, kicking his feet excitedly.

           “Well I guess that’s settled then,” Sirius said, smirking triumphantly. They grabbed their car keys out of their pocket. “I’ll text you the address. Race to our house!”

           “Yeah!” Harry shouted, running with Sirius towards their car.

           “Run daddy!’ Teddy yelled, tugging on Remus’ collar.

           Remus shook his head and walked at a brisk pace to the car. He strapped Teddy into his seat and felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He copied the address and put it into his GPS, knowing that there was no way they were going to beat Sirius and Harry there.

           As predicted, when they pulled up, Sirius’ car was already in the driveway. Sirius and Harry were just getting out and Harry was jumping up and down excitedly and waving to them as they pulled in behind Sirius’ car.

           The moment he released Teddy from his car seat, Teddy was off like a shot, chasing after Harry and following him inside. Remus put his hands in his pockets and walked up the driveway to join Sirius by their car.

           Sirius reached out and put a hand on Remus’ chest. “Before we go in, I’d really like to kiss you.”

           Remus ducked his head and smiled. “Why would you want that?”

           Sirius fisted their hand on Remus’ jumper and tugged him forward. “It’s difficult for me to find someone that I actually want to date. Either my gender is a problem or Harry is a problem. But we’ve been together for hours already and you haven’t misgendered me once and you don’t seem to mind the idea of Harry. You’re cute and sweet and you’re a good father. Why wouldn’t I want to kiss you?”

           Remus reached out and held Sirius by the hips. “I think you’re wonderful and Harry is wonderful. And if we want to kiss we better do it soon before our kids destroy your house.”

           Sirius laughed softly and they both leaned towards each other, their lips meeting in a brief, sweet kiss. Remus pulled back before it went too far and Sirius chased his lips. Remus gave them another quick kiss for a promise of more before sliding his arm around their waist and they walked inside together.

                                                           ***

           Remus got home from work and booted up his laptop. Teddy was with Tonks and it was Sirius’ posting day. Remus brought up his channel and pressed play on the video.

           “Hi everyone! So in my last video someone asked me about dating with a kid and while I wasn’t lying in that video, my answer has changed. I think the key to finding the right person is looking for someone that can respect you and your relationship with your child. I feel like I’ve found that person. I don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s all very new, but I felt like it was important that I amend what I’d said. Now here’s the four of us, Harry and I, my man and his son at the zoo. Warning that it is cute as hell. Enjoy!”

           Remus watched the video of them all together and it made him feel warm and happy all over to see the four of them together. Cute little clips of Harry and Teddy admiring the animals, pressing their little faces against the bars or glass. After ice cream, Harry and Teddy had both passed out from their long, exciting day. It had given Sirius and Remus a chance to snog, talk and decide what they wanted from each other. He clicked on the description and saw Sirius had mentioned him in it. As soon as he read it his face broke out into the widest smile.

           His name is Remus, he’s gorgeous and he’s mine.

[getalittleclosey]

under 50k larry fic rec

hi! i’m becca and i read...so much fic. these rec lists are an accumulation of fic that i’ve read or reread and extra loved from 2016-now. there’s a wide range of stuff here and i think there’s definitely something for everyone!! i divided them up by length so you can check out all those categories below!

please make sure to read tags and warnings on all these fics!! the only things i think i can guarantee is that these are all larry, there’s no non-con, no age play, no eating disorders, no mentions of bg, they end happy, and they’re mostly aus. oh and they’re all on ao3 and some are locked so you’ll need an account! anyway i hope y’all enjoy!!!

under 5k

under 10k

under 25k

under 100k

100k+

☆ the beginning of everything by thedeathchamber 31k

“How do you take it?” Harry asked, pouring tea into a cup.

“Just a dash of milk, please,” Louis cast a look over the small table, filled to capacity. “They’re very fond of you.”

Harry ducked his head, grinning. “They’re trying to impress you.”

Louis smiled, shaking his head. “Why would they want to do that?” he asked as he took the cup Harry passed to him, their fingers brushing for an instant.

“Empathy,” Harry said under his breath.

--

A Belle Époque AU set (mostly) in Paris in which Harry is a struggling artist, in more ways than one, and Louis is a successful theatre critic and a failed writer, more or less.

☆ to kill the mess we’ve made by misandrogyny 43k

And when he's finally standing, Liam fussing over him, rubbing his hand at the red mark blooming on Harry's forehead, does Harry learn two things:

One, he wasn't actually hit that hard, and Tommo--or Louis, rather--is just as pretty when Harry is staring at him head-on and,

Two, Louis is the Adidas model he's going to be working with on today's photo shoot.

(or: AU where Harry and Louis are both models, and they decide being friends-with-benefits is a great idea. It isn't.)

☆ heart open, bloodstain on my sleeve by silkbombs (mulberrygrey) 36k

“I couldn’t help myself,” Harry admits, one hand coming to rub the back of his neck, “I stared at you for a good while before I finally got the guts to come up to you. You looked so pretty sitting there, with your little ankles and your pencil in your mouth, so enthralling… art in front of art.”

Louis’ not sure what to say, so he just kind of sits there, eyes bugging out as he stares at Harry.

“I mean, like you’re not an object!” Harry rushes out, babbling.

“I just, there’s something about you that’s so captivating, and maybe it’s the way your eyes are like a watercolor painting of the sea, or how delicate your hands look when you draw, but I just wanted to get to know you. It’s not like I pick up random boys at art museums usually, I swear. Not that I’m trying to pick you up! Unless you want to be…God, fuck I’m sorry this is so awkward now. I can go, um, if you want."

--- Or, the one where Harry's the long limbed, gangly, sweetheart who just happens be a high profile art thief who conducts heists for a living and Louis' the loud, pushy art student who just happens to steal his heart.

☆ a king beside you by stylinsoncity 26k

When the aliens invade, the last thing Louis expects is to fall in love.

☆ the boys of summer by afirethatcannotdie 45k

“I mean…we’re gonna have to sneak around anyway, yeah? Like, with that whole rules thing that I guess we’ve decided to ignore. Might make it a little more fun this way.”

AU. In which Louis is a reluctant sports coach, Harry's a fellow counselor who wears tiny yellow shorts, and camp rules say they're forbidden to date.

☆ don’t let the tide come and take me by kiwikero 29k

The aquarium in the lobby has been there as long as Louis can remember, and so has the merman inside. That is, until the day Louis loses his job and decides to set the creature free.

They set off on a road trip to the sea, learning to communicate more and more each day. Their destination is LA, but the closer they get and the more Louis gets to know the merman, the more he dreads having to say goodbye.

Or, the one where Louis decides to set a merman free and ends up finding his own freedom along the way.

☆ introduction to dynamics by juliusschmidt 29k

Louis Tomlinson is the outspoken omega in the 'Introduction to Dynamics' course Harry wishes he didn't have to take. He's nearly certain to present as a beta, after all. Things will be simple for him.

☆ saved tonight by objectlesson 31k

Harry is the world's most persistent seduction-baker, a questionable dog-sitter, and Louis's biggest fan. Louis hasn't written in years, is trying to pass loneliness off as cynicism, and absolutely hates his fans. It's probably destiny.

☆ once upon a dream by objectlesson 27k

“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”

Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.

--

Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

☆ rivers ‘til i reach you by embodied 29k

Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

☆ life was a song, you came along by rainbowninja167 38k

It's embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them. It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.

Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend's career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan's newest album. A modern retelling of Singin' in the Rain.

☆ learning to eat by photo41 29k

Celebrity chef Louis Tomlinson has a problem. He’s opening his first restaurant in 9 weeks, and he has yet to hire a pastry chef- apparently people think he’s ‘standoffish’ and ‘rude’ and ‘quick to temper’. Whatever. He ends up saddled with an annoying, happy-go lucky rookie who also happens to be obnoxiously good looking. His tv presenter and pop star best friends only add to the drama, and for fucks sake would everyone please stop quoting Julia Child?!

Kitchen AU where Harry helps Louis re-learn how to eat. (METAPHORICALLY)

note: just to clarify this is NOT an eating disorder fic don’t worry

☆ runner on third by kikikryslee 40k

As Harry stood there, the other man turned around, and he knew he was correct in who he thought it was. “Louis?” he asked, still not quite believing it. Louis blinked. “Harry? Wh– what are you doing here?” “I work here,” Harry said. “What are you doing here?” “Um, I’m picking up my brother. The nurse called and said he was sick.” Harry felt like he was going to be sick. “Wait, Ernest is your brother? Since when do you have a brother?” “Since about seven years ago, I guess. Wait, how do you know Ernest?” “I’m his teacher.” “You’re his what?” Louis exclaimed. Harry gulped. This was going to be a long year. --- Or, the AU where Louis and Harry were best friends growing up, but lost touch after Harry moved away. Ten years later, Harry has moved back to town, but he and Louis don't pick up where they left off.

note: there are four fics in this series that total to 60k

☆ roots by cherrystreet 43k

There aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous. He’s spent the past couple of years on and off various stages, filled with screaming fans, all chanting his name, loud and adoring. He’s done countless interviews, some even on live, national television, never faltering over his words, answers meticulously planned out, smooth and steady. He’s signed countless autographs, taken just as many photos, and even when he sat in his label’s studio, waiting to see how high up on the charts his single made it, he didn’t feel uneasy or uncomfortable. It’s all been unbelievably fun. No, there aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous.

Enter Louis Tomlinson.

☆ once upon a dream by thedeathchamber 33k

Louis is psychic and gets caught in the middle of a murder investigation led by FBI Special Agent Harry Styles.

aka. the Medium/Criminal Minds-inspired AU no one ever asked for.

note: there’s a 24k sequel for this!

☆ the melody you never heard by bananasandboots 30k

It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

☆ born to make you happy by objectlesson 26k

Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.

note: i literally had to take a break and reread this cause i love it so much

☆ close to nowhere by angelichl 35k

“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.

“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

☆ adrenaline by reveries_passions 38k 

“Harry Styles,” Nameless Boy who now has a name says. Louis is too busy having an internal crisis to realize the boy has just introduced himself as Harry Styles. Harry Styles, only son of Des Styles, PhD, Dean of Harvard Medical School. Harry Styles, known by everyone and their grandmother. Harry Styles, star rower. Harry Styles, youngest enrolled student in graduate school at Harvard University. Oh my god, Louis thinks, mortified. I just slept with Harry Styles. As he reaches out tentatively to shake the boy’s hand, another thought hits him. Oh my god. Harry Styles is gay.

~

louis tomlinson, college dropout, up and coming dj, and gay activist, is the notorious owner of exclusive underground gay club, adrenaline.

harry styles, med student by day, partier by night, child prodigy and seemingly heterosexual son of harvard professors, is the youngest and arguably the smartest student at harvard medical school.

or: a one night stand wasn't supposed to become the greatest love story of the 21st century.

☆ bloodsport by tofiveohfive 40k

“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—”

Louis stops when he hears a chuckle.

He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation.

“‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

☆ the haunting of louis tomlinson helloamhere 31k

“I'm not afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

Every single magnet unstuck itself from the fridge and fell to the floor in a clattering cascade.

“I'm only a little afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

*** OR: Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!

☆ can i not like you for a while? by larryshares 43k

louis tomlinson is awful. harry is just as difficult, and they're both terrible to each other. it makes being in the same acapella group together quite complicated.

☆ delight in masques by kassio 28k

Popstar Louis Tomlinson has been pulling one over on the mortals for years. In the five years since he put on a human illusion and tried out for the X Factor, none of them have realised that he’s one of the Fair Folk – a cat shapeshifter, to be precise – and he’d like to keep it that way.

When he returns to the X Factor as a guest judge, the last thing he expects is for some half-Siren fool to use magic on the judges. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Harry Styles does. Now Louis has to track down some rogue changeling before he exposes them all. Even worse? Apparently, Harry doesn’t even know what he is.

(An urban fantasy adventure, set in the world of - but not crossing over with - the October Daye book series. No need to be familiar with those books; I just want to give credit where it's due on a lot of the worldbuilding.)

☆ no love like your love by rearviewdreamer 43k

When it comes to saving the world from itself and convincing rich CEOs of environmentally harmful companies to go green, there's nobody better than Harry Styles. That is, until Louis Tomlinson, his ex and former Alpha, is involved.  

note: i love vegan harry styles

☆ for neither never nor ever by fairytalelights 29k

Then Harry looked down. A newspaper was on the steps in front of him, looking new, like it had only just gotten delivered but no one had bothered to carry it inside yet. That, in itself, wasn't unusual. The unusual thing was the headline, Chernobyl - Half a Year Later, and the date in the corner. 5th November 1986. He looked up to stare at the girl in the doorway one last time, before he did the only logical thing his body knew how to do in this situation. He bolted.

or, the one where Harry travels through time and has to come to terms with losing everything he's ever known. Louis might be the only thing that feels real.

☆ worth dying for by whoknows 45k

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

☆ listen to your heart by lovelarry10 35k

Are you kidding me right now?

I… No? Louis frowned, feeling angry now. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help his feelings. It felt like this had been brewing for weeks, and this was it. Give it a rest, Harry.

Why are you such a brat? Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?

You think I want to hear about you kissing James? Really, H? There’s things I just don’t need to know, okay? I’m your best mate, not your fucking relationship advisor…

*****

Louis has always been comfortable being Harry’s one and only. When Harry starts to branch out, Louis has a hard time letting him go.

Harry is very lucky to have someone who listens to what he has to say, despite the fact that he’s deaf. He’s finally feeling like he’s coming into himself, but Louis seems bothered by his newfound confidence.

☆ another day gettin’ into trouble by whoknows 26k

Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.

In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up?

Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that.

Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.

☆ all the right moves by cherrystreet 32k

This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back.

There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.

It’s seriously obnoxious.

☆ play the odds by alivingfire 26k

Harry and Louis are best friends since childhood who, after a night of drinking, find themselves locked in a bet: first one to kiss the other a thousand times wins. Wins what? They don't know. Glory, Harry supposes. Bragging rights, though those don't do much in this economy. All Harry knows is that this is one bet he can finally win. What he doesn't expect, though, is what happens when he starts kissing his best friend on a daily basis.

Namely, he doesn't expect falling head over heels in love with his best friend.

Now all he has to do is make sure the bet never ends, so he never has to stop kissing Louis.

[alwayschoosechocolate]

One-night stands and one-shot chances (viii)

University AU

Pairing: Jin x reader

Who says sex has to mean anything? Who says you can’t just screw around without all the heartache? Who says only guys get this privilege? What happens when the biggest playboy on campus suddenly meets his match and gets a taste of his own medicine?

Genre: casual sex, mentions of sex, bestfriend!Hoseok, onenightstand!Jin

Word count: 3800

Taglist: @esplosionedicoloriintesta @jeonjunggoodgod @rjsmochii @spookidema @pariz-lover @mymochimchimmy @seokjinnieismine @cloudyelizabeth @livesmileandstaystrong @thisistoooooomuch @okaysoplshelpme @secondstanza @eanielsen07

Masterpost with the other parts of the story can be found here and my masterlist is here

A/N: Ah, it’s been a while, lovelies. Thanks for waiting for me! As promised after last chapter, the parts are going to be longer now, giving me more space to explore the characters and the story line, and you more time to enjoy the story - hopefully!  Enjoy! And please share your thoughts and reactions with me! I love hearing what you think! 

Story starts under the cut

As the last papers got handed in before the spring holiday and campus became close to deserted, you packed your weekend bag and made your way to Hoseok’s house. All the guys were going home during the break, and Hoseok had suggested you stayed at the house while they were gone to catch up on your sleep. After the sleepover in the living room the previous weekend, you had spent most nights with Hoseok, opting for sharing his bed instead of lying awake in your own, so when he suggested you stayed in the house over the break, you quickly accepted, rambling on about how you would clean the common areas as a thank you.

“Hobi,” you shouted as you walked through the door, hoping to catch him before he left. “I’m here!”

“In here!”

Following his voice to his room, you found him packing his bags, clothes neatly folded on the bed and the bags on the floor. You tossed your bag against the wall and giggled in excitement of getting the house to yourself for a week, as you walked up to give him a back hug, clinging to him like a koala as he continued packing.

“You’re in a good mood today,” he hummed absentmindedly as he held two shirts out in front of him. “Which one should I bring for my mom’s birthday dinner?” Twisting his torso so you could see the shirts, you hooked your chin on his shoulder as you took in the options.

“That one,” you stated, pointing at the simple white shirt. “But pair it with one of your more casual pants.”

Accepting your advice, he folded the shirt neatly again and placed it in the half-packed bag on the floor.

“You know, you’re still more than welcome to come home with me, right? My mom asked for you again just last night, when I was on the phone with her.”

“I know,” you hummed, giving his mid one last squeeze before jumping on the bed and making yourself comfortable. “But I’m fine with staying here. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. It feels…”

“Like something’s missing?”, he ended your sentence, cocking his head and looking at you with a soft expression. You nodded silently, letting out a deep sigh and rolling over on your back. “Yeah, I know. But it feels even more empty without either of you there.”

Musing a bit at his words, you stayed quiet and focused on the wooden panels on the ceiling, tracing the wood grains with your eyes. You stayed in comfortable silence as Hoseok packed the rest of his stuff and zipped up his back.

“Alright, babe. I’m leaving now. Try not to burn the house down, while we’re gone,” he grinned at you, before ducking away from the pillow flying at his head.

“There is nothing to burn down, Seokie,” you laughed, getting off the bed and walking over to give him a hug.

“’Seokie’, huh? You okay? You only call me that, when you’re feeling down,” he asked against your hair, as he fitted you perfectly under his chin.

“I’m fine, Hobi. Just looking forward to some days alone and some more sleep.”

“Alright. I left the key on the desk, and there is a bottle of your favorite wine in the kitchen. I also bought some of that god-awful coconut ice cream you love so much. Oh, and some of your favorite snacks…”

“Hobi, stop,” you giggled, making him halt in the middle of his rambles. “I can take care of myself for a week. I’m not an infant. But I do love that ice cream, so thank you.”

“… and a few packs of the ramen you always eat,” he ended his sentence after your interruption, making both of you burst out laughing. “I know you can take care of yourself. I just want to help you take care of yourself. And please call me if you need someone to talk to. Or call my mom! If you want. She would love to talk to you as well! And my sister as well!”

“Oh my god, Hoseok! Stop! Just go! You’ll be late for the extravagant dinner, that we both know your mom has prepared for her golden son’s return,” you laughed, pushing him towards the door.

“Alright. Alright, I’ll leave,” he grinned, putting his hands up in surrender. “But please promise to call me, if you change your mind? The drive is only two hours, and I could easily come pick you up.”

“Sure, I promise. Just please leave. You’re crowding my personal space, which has just expanded to the entire house, and I’m not happy about it,” you scolded him with a wicked grin, as you gave him one last push out of the front door.

“But I love you! How can you throw me out like this?”, he screeched dramatically from the front lawn, catching the attention of some of the neighbors. “I promise, I’ll remember to take out the trash from now on! Please just give me another chance!”

“Jesus, Hoseok. Really?”, you groaned in embarrassment at the puzzled looks being thrown your way. “You’re such a drama king! Just go already and say hi to your mom from me!”

“Oh, but mother will be heartbroken at your departure from my life. Please, my flower! Don’t throw me out!”

“Please, do throw him out. He’s way too dramatic for this house anyway,” Yoongi drawled as he walked up next to you, bag slung over his shoulder. “Hoseok, could you drop me off at the train station?”

“You insult my honor and then you ask for a favor?”, Hoseok gasped in feigned outrage, before dropping the act and laughing at his own joke. “Sure, but I’m leaving now.”

Giving you a quick side-hug, Yoongi scurried to the car and they drove away, but of course not without Hoseok screaming his love for you out the car window all the way down the block.

Grinning at his theatricalities, you walked back into the house and pulled the door closed. Looking around the living room, you let the quiet sink into your bones. There was no Jungkook yelling at some game he was playing. No Taehyung running around rambling about the latest class he had had about German romanticism. No Hoseok screaming at… well, just screaming in general. The entire house was dead quiet, and something told you not to disrupt it as you tiptoed through the living room, down the hall and into Hoseok’s room. Closing the door softly, you buried yourself under the covers, breathing in that familiar sent of Hoseok, that always reminded you of home.

Just a short nap, you thought to yourself, before drifting off to sleep.

-

Drawing a heavy sigh, Jin leaned back in his chair keeping an eye on the half-written assignment on his laptop. It was due yesterday, but he had managed to get it pushed to tomorrow morning. Which was great. Except he still had no fucking clue how to finish it. It was for that one class, he already had failed twice, and he really needed to pass this time. Reaching out for the papers scattered all over his bed, he skimmed through Jimin’s notes again, trying to make sense of the keywords he had scribbled down, when he took the class last semester. Turning the page, he read through your comments in the margin of the page, which added clarification to some of the statements. At least on the first few pages. On page 7, you and Jimin had had an entire conversation going on in the margins about where to go to lunch afterwards. And on page 12, you had complained about your roommate almost burning down the apartment in an attempt to cook dinner for her date. The next few pages were only class related, discussing possible subjects to write your rapport on. But on one of the last pages, you had written something about a cute guy, you had been seeing, and even though Jin knew the notes were from last semester, he couldn’t shake the irritation scratching in his chest at the thought of you dating another guy. And it wasn’t like he had read your comments specifically. He was using Jimins notes to write his assignment, and he needed to reread the notes for that. He hadn’t even read your comments the first few times. Or reread them a 1000-times more than the actual class notes. Of course not.

Groaning at himself he straightened back up, glancing at the clock. 6 pm. Pushing back from the table, he stood up from the desk and stretched his aching back. Maybe a walk would help him concentrate a bit. Slipping on his shoes and grabbing his phone and headset off the bed, he walked through the empty house to get to the front door.

All the guys had gone home, so he had the house to himself. Not that they knew though. They all thought he was home with his parents as well. He still hadn’t had the guts to tell them. That he couldn’t go home anymore. It was embarrassing to say the least. Shaking his head to clear it of the memories, he pulled the front door closed behind him and plugged in his in-ears, before starting off down the street.

-

Blinking lazily awake, you relished in the drowsy feeling in your limbs still weighing you down between the blankets. Briefly wondering what had awoken you, you suddenly felt your stomach growl, making you let out a light chuckle. Of course. You hadn’t had time for lunch today, and you were starving. Rolling over in a stretch, you let out a soundless yawn as you reached for your phone. A little past 6pm. Alright, it might be an early dinner, but you had nowhere to be and no schedule for the next few days, you reminded yourself, as you dragged your body out of bed and pulled on one of Hoseok’s sweatshirt before padding to the kitchen.

Passing the door to Jins room in the hall, your thoughts flickered to him and how little you had seen him lately. He hadn’t approached you on campus at all and when you had seen him around the house, he always excused himself and disappeared. Maybe it had been unfair of you to camp out at the house the entire week, but Hoseok had asked him and Jin had said it was okay. Continuing to the kitchen, you pushed the thoughts out of your head.

As promised, there was your bottle of wine on the counter against the fridge. Grinning to yourself, you grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured yourself a glass. Taking the first sip, you closed your eyes and let the taste dance on your tongue. Humming in appreciation, you took another sip as you lazily floated to the kettle to boil some water for the ramen. Well, floated might be the wrong word to use, but it really felt like that. Humming to yourself as you prepared the ramen, you took another sip of wine waiting for the ramen to be ready to eat. Once it was ready, you ate it in silence standing over the counter, taking a sip of your wine every now and then. Quietly cleaning up after yourself afterwards, you poured another glass of wine before walking back to Hoseok’s room and pulling out your laptop.

Scrolling through Netflix for a while, you finally settled on ‘Princess Diaries’. Grinning in excitement, you quickly pulled out your headset, since the speakers on your computer didn’t work. Settling under the covers with your wine and the computer, you took a sip of your glass before starting the movie.

-

Walking through the door an hour later, Jin felt a little more at ease. The walk had cleared his head a bit and actually given him a few ideas on how to approach the rest of the assignment. He had bought some food from a grill on the way home and eaten it on the way, so he was ready to go back to work. Walking straight to his room, he kept his headset on, switching to his study playlist and readied himself for a study bubble marathon, meaning he wouldn’t stop until he was done with the assignment. Casting a glance at Jimins notes, he quickly gathered them and deposited them on the other side of the room so he wouldn’t be distracted (by you), before he settled at his desk and pulled up the document once more.

-

When the end credits to ‘Princess Diaries 2’ rolled over the screen, you decided to call it a night. Despite your long nap earlier, a few glasses of wine and two movies was a sure recipe for a good night’s sleep in your book.  

Hoseok had called a few hours earlier to check if you were still alive and after pleading for you to come join him a few more times, you wished each other good night and ended the call.

Searching through your bag, you pulled out your toothbrush and toothpaste and ventured across the hall to the bathroom.

-

Clicking save one last time, Jin drew a relieved sigh as he triple-checked the word-count to make sure he met the acquired words. He was done. He even had 200 words more than the minimum, which was a first for him. All he needed now was to proofread it, but first he needed to energize a bit. Standing up in a stretch, he gave a satisfied nod at his laptop, before walking out of his room to the kitchen to get a red bull.

-

Drying your face on a towel, you pulled your hair up in a high bun before turning off the lights in the bathroom and walking back to Hoseok’s room, where you turned off the lights and snuggled down under the covers.

-

Snatching the can from the fridge and taking a big gulp right there, Jin noticed the unmistakable smell of ramen in the kitchen. One of the guys must have grabbed a bite to eat before leaving to go home. Feeling a little sad at the prospect of being without any of the guys for an entire week, Jin’s thoughts wandered to his different housemates and what they might be doing now. Yoongi might still be underway as he had to take both a train and two buses before reaching home. Jungkook was definitely already home. His brother had picked him up on the way home himself, and they had probably spent the time on the road singing along to the radio, like Jungkook and Jin usually did when no one was around to see them. Jimin never had classes on Fridays, so he left yesterday. His brother’s birthday was today, so he was probably out celebrating with him. Tae and Namjoon had rented a car together, as their parents lived in the same city and they should be home by now, Jin calculated in his head as he emptied the can and threw it out.

And Hoseok. Well, Hoseok left this afternoon with you. You always spent the spring holiday with Hoseok. It was his mom’s birthday and you were part of the family, as Jin had heard Hoseok remind you of several times. Despite the amount of times you had turned down Hoseok’s invitation, Jin was certain that you had gone with him anyway. Saying no to your best friend wasn’t one of your strong suits. Unlike saying no to Jin, which seemed to be a secret talent of yours, Jin thought with an annoyed huff as he walked back to his room to finish the assignment and mail it to the professor.

-

Waking up the next morning, you felt relaxed and comfortable as the light fell in through the curtains, you had forgotten to close last night. Smiling lazily to yourself, you reached over for your phone on the nightstand to check the time. It was only 7 in the morning, but your body was restless, and you suddenly felt like going for a run.

Getting up to change into your running gear, you did a few stretches to warm up your muscles before tying your running shoes and leaving the house.

-

Startled awake, Jin sat up abruptly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Listening for what awoke him, he was only met by the quiet of the empty house.

“Must have been a bad dream,” he mumbled to himself, as he sank back against the pillow with a yawn, dozing off again.

When his phone rang a little later, he lazily rolled over to grab it off the nightstand.

“What?”, he growled, voice muffled against the pillow.

“Morning, Jin,” Namjoon’s upbeat voice greeted him. “Sorry, if I woke you. I just wanted to remind you to pack that book I borrowed you last time you went back to your parents. I promised Jimin he could read it.”

Fuck. The book.

Suddenly very awake, Jin swung his legs out of bed and sat up.  

“Yeah, sure. Don’t worry about Joon. I’m looking at it right now. I’ll bring it back next weekend.”

“Alright, great. Thanks! How are your parents? Are yours as curious about your love life as mine are?”, Namjoon chuckled into the phone, making Jin's palms break out in cold sweat, as he let out a very poor imitation of a laugh.

“Sure are. I gotta go though. Promised I would help with breakfast. Talk to you soon,” Jin rambled, hanging up the phone with a pounding heart.

Goddammit. The fucking book. He had completely forgotten all about it. How was he supposed to get a new one before Namjoon got back?

Sighing in annoyance at himself, he ran a hand through his hair before getting up and walking to the bathroom to shower.

One problem at a time.

Maybe he would do a facemask afterwards and relax with a movie, he thought to himself as he stepped under the warm water, trying to ignore his fathers scolding tone in the back of his mind.

-

Gasping for air as you almost fell through the door after your run, you cursed yourself for not exercising more often. Heaving for air you walked to the kitchen to get some water with the music still blasting through your in-ears. Standing by the counter, you gulped down two glasses of water as you let your body cool down a bit, before walking to Hoseok’s room to get a towel so you could shower.

-

Jin stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his hips. Reaching for the face mask in the cabinet, he stepped up to mirror and applied the sheet mask, smoothing in down on his cheeks and under his chin.

-

Discarding your shirt, sports bra and pants in the room, you grabbed a towel and walked across the hall to the bathroom. Humming along to the song from your in-ears, you reached for the doorknob.

-

Throwing one last look in the mirror, Jin grabbed the doorknob and pulled open the door, walking straight into a person.

A naked person.

The person let out a surprised shriek, that sounded vaguely familiar, but in the same second she lost her balance and Jin reached out to help her by instinct only to lose his own balance and before he knew it, he was on the floor with the woman on top of him.

“What the fuck?!” She screamed, scrambling off him and covering herself with a towel. “Who are you, and what are you doing here?”

“What I’m doing here?! I live here! What the hell are you doing here?”, Jin roared at the women, who was currently too occupied in securing the towel around her to look at him. But it only took Jin a few seconds to place her. “Y/n?!”

Startled by your own name, your eyes shot up to the man’s face, which was still covered by a sheet mask. But the broad shoulders paired with that voice was unmistakable.

“Jin!? What the hell? I thought you were by your parents?”, you groaned, still stuck in outrage of being caught naked.

Quickly tearing the mask from his face, he rolled his eyes at your words.

“And I didn’t think I had to inform you about me being in my own house! What are you even doing here?”, he asked in annoyance.

“Hoseok said, I could stay here during the break, since you were all at home anyway. I didn’t know, you were here.” As the anger left your voice, you took in Jin’s irritated state. “I’m sorry. I get it if you don’t want me here. Let me just pack my bags and I’ll go home.”

“Wait,” Jin exclaimed, suddenly a bit panicky. “You can stay. Under one condition,” he stated, making you roll your eyes.

“If it’s sex, I would rather go home, Jin,” you huffed in annoyance.

“It’s not sex, you idiot,” he spat at you, making your eyes widen in surprise. “Not everything in this world is about sex.”

“Sorry. What is it then?”

He suddenly seemed… hesitant. Nervous. His eyes were shifty, and you could see the strain in his shoulders. If you hadn’t known better, you would say he was scared. But that couldn’t be. What could he be afraid of?

“You can stay here,” he repeated, swallowing visibly under your gaze. “As long as you don’t tell the rest of the guys, that I was here as well.”

Blinking at him in surprise, you tried to figure out what was going through his head. This was definitely not a side of Jin, you were used to seeing, and you didn’t know him well enough to anticipate his next words either.

“Just… We can stay here, both of us. If you feel more comfortable with it, we can just act like we don’t know each other. Like we just share a kitchen. Or I can make sure to not get in your way and stay quiet. Or I can cook for you and we can eat together? Only if you want of course. Just. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. Just please don’t tell the others I’m here as well.”

His words were pleading, and his eyes widened in fright. Not of you. You were quite sure about that. But he was definitely afraid of something. He should be the one in control here. The one with the power to throw you out on your ass. And yet he was asking you for a favor.

“Okay. I won’t tell them. But I have a condition as well?”, you half stated, half asked, looking at him hesitantly, only to get an eager nod back. “No sexist comments. No flirting. No cheesy lines. No commenting on my body. This house will be a genderless, sexless, non-flirty safe-zone for the first time in it’s life,” you stated in a declarative tone, earning a snort of laughter from Jin.

“Whatever you say,” he laughed at you, and you found yourself grinning back at him.

Oh, this could be interesting.

A/N: Ah, one last comment! The scene with Jin and Y/n running into each other half-naked was shamelessly stolen from the movie The Proposal, which is coincidentally one of my favorite movies! 

// Part ix //

[eldritchsurveys]

890.

5k Survey XVII

801. How often do you change your mood in a day? >> It depends. Sometimes I can actually stay pretty stable. Other times, more like a seesaw. Throw an emotional flashback or three into an otherwise-normal day and you’re in for a ride. 802. When you ask people how they are doing you actually care about their answer or is it just polite? >> If I, personally, ask how you’re doing, I literally am asking for the real answer. I rarely ever ask that, because that kind of “politeness” strikes me as particularly pointless and I generally don’t care how most people are doing anyway, so you know I mean it when I do ask. 803. Would you consider yourself to be very polite? >> No. I’m courteous in the sense that I say “please” and “thank you” to customer service people, and I hold doors for people directly behind me, and I say “excuse me” and shit like that. But I don’t make generic small talk, I don’t smile like a loon at randos (I’ll do a brief smile back if they smile first, but that’s the limit, and if I’m in a Mood it might end up looking more like a crazed grimace so be ready for that), and I’m not performative about looking “polite”. I’m just not interested. 804. Do you like movies and books that involve nuclear holocaust? >> Sure, I mean... the Fallout series of video games is one of my favourites, after all. 805. Have you ever had a lucid dream (a dream in which you knew you were dreaming and had complete control over what happened in the dream)? >> I’ve come close -- had the awareness but not necessarily full control.

806. Have you ever had a flying dream? >> Nope. 807. Have you ever had a lucid flying dream? >> Obviously not. 808. What’s the oddest law you ever heard of? >> I don’t remember. 809. What is the ultimate way to connect with another person? >> Good question. 810. Can you be intimate with someone without touching him or her? >> Of course. But different people prefer different intimacy styles. Maybe that kind of non-tactile intimacy wouldn’t feel the same for some people. 811. Can men and women ever really be ‘just friends’ with no interest in anything more? >> Shut up. 813. Are you addicted to this survey like drugs? >> No. It’s really just convenient at this point -- I don’t have to go through the whole process of finding a survey to take, because this one’s right here. If I happen to catch up to Elizabeth, I might have to wait a few days for her to post more sections, but other than that I’ve got my work cut out for me already. 814. If your significant other wanted to wait for marriage could you hold out or would you leave them (or would you cheat)? >> --- 815. What’s the longest sentence you can make using only words that start with the same letter as your first name? >> I don’t want to. 816. If you had a theme song what would it be? >> --- 817. Are you cranky? >> Not right now. 818. Which group generally annoys you more, people older than you, or people younger than you? >> There’s no rule with this. People can annoy me at any age. 819. Do you refer to older people as old farts? >> No. 820. Do you refer to younger people as the kids? >> Yeah. Nine times out of ten I’m not being condescending, I even call myself “kid” sometimes. 821. Which is better: Poems that everyone can relate to or poems that are intensely personal to the author? >> Both can exist. Sometimes the same poem can fit both criteria. An intensely personal experience can still be very relatable to a lot of people, and sometimes you find that out when you create art. 822. Is it worse to be too hot or too cold? >> I just don’t like being in extreme conditions of either kind. 823. Are you so flexible that you can put your feet behind your head? >> No. I’m very inflexible. 824. Would you enjoy reading fairy tales written about robots? >> Yes, very much. 825. Is smoking a turn on or gross? >> It’s neither. It’s just a thing people do. 826. What is the one way you wouldn’t want to die? >> Oh, you know. Most ways. 827. Which would look sillier on you: A cowboy hat or a Rasta hat? >> I don’t know. 828. Would you rather have a job doing something indoors or outdoors? >> Indoors. 829. Would you rather learn more about human nutrition or meteorology? >> Fuck, both of those subjects are interesting to me. 830. Have you ever taken honors courses? >> No. 831. What do you think of crop circles? >> They’re fuckin cool. 832. Where do they come from? >> I don’t know, and that’s part of what’s cool about them. 833. When was the last time you screwed up big time? >> I don’t remember. 834. You have a choice. What do you eat - A veggie burger, a turkey dog, or a cheese sandwich >> Veggie burger, absolutely. I eat those almost every day anyway. 835. Do you get a lot of random instant messages? >> No. 836. Do you have a paper journal also? >> No. 837. VHS or DVD? >> Streaming. (DVD if I must choose, but I really don’t care about owning physical copies of things, it just... doesn’t matter as much to me as I guess it matters to a lot of people. I tried to grok it and even adopt it as a practice but my brain just doesn’t work that way.) 838. Vinyl, cassette tape, or CD? >> Streaming. 839. Have you ever seen the video/heard the song Days Go By, performed by Dirty Vegas? >> I think so. It sounds familiar. 840. MTV: should it play more videos or more shows? >> At this point, I don’t even care anymore. The heyday has passed. Also, Catfish and Ridiculousness are fun shows, so fuck it. 841. Name a band: Dream Theater. Do fans of that band tend to share any characteristics with each other? >> I don’t know, I’m not going to stereotype progressive metal fans or anything, lol. I do have to admit that the first thing I thought of was the whole “girls don’t like Dream Theater thing” that Mike Portnoy said that one time, because when me and a girl I knew went to see them, we went for a bathroom break and the line for the women’s bathroom was literally nonexistent while the line for the men’s was a mile long. (That almost never happens anywhere else, lmao.) It was just funny at the time, I don’t actually think that’s a solid representation of listener demographics or anything. 842. What does the expression 'touch and go’ mean? It means being uncertain of a desired outcome. <-- I guess that’s what it means. 843. Caffeine or alcohol? >> Alcohol. I can sleep after drinking alcohol, and alcohol doesn’t make me anxious. Can’t say the same for caffeine. 844. Betty or Veronica? Archie or Reggie or Jughead? >> I was a preteen the last time I even held an Archie comic in my hands, I don’t remember anything about the characters. (And I don’t watch Riverdale either, lol.) 845. What book are you reading right now? >> Well, I was reading Wolves of the Calla but I haven’t picked it back up in at least a week. I’m struggling with wanting to continue this reread -- there’s some stuff I definitely want to reread (like the whole Castle Discordia bit and the part where Roland and Eddie go visit Stephen King), but I’m having a hard time remaining interested in the other shit. Also, I’m tired of Roland. I’m always tired of Roland, but, you know. 846. Is the news too depressing? >> Don’t ask me, I don’t watch that shit. 847. Would you rather have a stuffed lion, elephant, pig or duck? >> Lion! Oooh, I might get one, actually. To represent King Crimson. :B 848. Are you late for a very important date? >> No. 849. Ever use star 69? >> No. 850. Is everyone as smart as you? >> ---

[shellheadtm-a]

alright, y'all, fuck it, i'm not going back and rereading civil war again bc it literally breaks me every goddamn time bc my stupid ass will literally always reread the confession and the road to civil war, and leads to me rereading iron man: director of shield, which also breaks me, which makes me read secret invasion and dark reign, which makes me read fraction's run, which makes me-

you get the idea.

but let's.  let's talk about this a minute.  i'm not gonna rehash the entire comic civil war here, it's a lot, but you should read it if you haven't.  it's a big turning point in the 616 world and leads almost directly to the current state of things as they stand today.  you should read it.  period.  if you're mcu be prepared for a bigger gut punch than anything the films gave you, i sob like a fucking baby every time i read fallen son and the confession.  and...the end of the brain wipe, which i'll also get to here in a minute, when tony starts filling himself in on what he's missing.  it's different.  it's bigger, but more contained (as in us-based only).  it's nastier.  and it drags on a hell of a lot longer than what amounts to one fight in a walmart parking lot, i'm talking months.  there is no nomad bullshit in this (steve hasn't picked up nomad in a very, very long time and the circumstances were different).  what i'm saying is, civil war literally divided and tore the entire us superhero community apart.  people that were friends were suddenly on opposite sides of the debate.  it didn't just tear apart tony and steve, think of carol and jess.  think of peter parker caught in the middle.  think of all the people who loved tony and steve equally and found themselves torn on who to support.  think of sue and reed, and johnny and ben, who were all over the board and nearly ripped their family apart permanently over it.

civil war was no bullshit.  it hit hard.  it hit fast.  people died.  it left the superhero community in complete tatters.

so let's get going.

extremis:  there are things concerning this i want to touch on.  one:  steve rogers did not like extremis.  this isn't fanon, he vocally was displeased about what tony had done to himself.  he thought it made tony strange.  distant.  more machine than man. (he wasn't really wrong in some ways.)  but something i really want to point in connection with it, outside of execute program which is a nice move into civil war, is that...tony never once really used it to find the rogue avengers.  not once, not really.  he had access to every camera, every satellite, every...digital anything.  he had the upper ground there.  and yet, somehow, the new avengers always managed to mostly stay free.  funny, huh.

miriam sharpe:  there's something too right about her, which makes her feel too wrong, you get me?  there's something about her that...is too perfect at pressing tony's emotional buttons to make her...mmm...legit.  i don't know if she was a plant for sure.  i don't.  but i'd be completely, utterly unsurprised to find out she was.  i also wouldn’t be surprised if she also turned out to be a skrull, tbh.

the night before registration was signed into law:  the team leads were separated.  god, folks, outside of steve's touchiness about extremis, and execute program, this was one of the best teams of avengers since the early mansion years.  tony and steve were closer than ever, they'd put down the avengers and then when steve wanted them back, tony couldn't tell him no.  they were doing what they do best, and doing it next to each other (and i'm sorry, you can fight me, but steve and tony are at their absolute peak when they're working together as an unstoppable duo, they're a team within a team, they're partners, they're best friends - in a lot of ways they're each other's whole world and driving force).  but the night before while they'd all gathered together, steve got called to the helicarrier.  tony and steve were separated.  steve was given an illegal order and refused.  he had fire opened on him.  and he bolted.  he and tony never did regroup and circle the wagons, not really, to actually talk about it.  i don't think...in any way...things would have gone as sideways as they did if steve and tony had been together and presenting a united front.  and i think certain powers that be were well, well aware of that fact.

thor clone:  tony might have had a thor hair, okay.  sure.  i can see him thinking at some point it would be neat to see what asgardian dna looked like but uh.  did everyone forget that biochem's not his thing?  it's not his wheelhouse?  he's an engineer.  an electrical and mechanical engineer.  now...who do we know that's a biochem person that supported registration, one of the foremost scientists in the field, hmm...oh, that's right.  hank pym.  and...gasp.  it turned out...hank pym...was a skrull.  wow, what a coinkidink.  i'm sure that totally absolutely doesn't mean a thing.

steve's extremes:  okay, so...steve does some stuff that is...drastic.  like steve is stubborn.  he's bullheaded.  once he plants his feet, getting him to move is damned near impossible.  you know who can usually bring him around to some form of compromise or agreeing to disagree?  ding ding ding, tony stark can.  this is not the first time tony and steve have had a bitchfit at each other.  they're in each other's pockets, literally, at almost all times, they fight sometimes.  it happens.  but they always, always manage to patch up and walk away friends and better for having had that talk.  the supreme intelligence.  tony erasing him being known as iron man.  the whole shebang, if you're familiar with the older comics.  they fight, they make up, they climb back in each other's back pockets again and they go home happy.  so...this is it?  they've had bigger shit on their plate and this is the one that does them in as friends?  this is the one that makes them fight like they do?  steve...does some hinky as fuck shit here, no one is blameless in this, steve is not in the right, tony is not in the right, no one is.  that's the fucking point.  but the extremes steve went to:  tony meeting him in good faith to actually talk because they haven't and need to and tony knows that, and steve taking him out with an emp (which if it had shut down extremis completely it would have killed tony and don't think steve isn't aware of that - steve is far more tech savvy than you'd think).  tony begging for another talk to ask steve directly if he had anything to do with happy hogan's death and yet another ambush by team steve.  meeting in the mansion one final time to talk and he and tony literally beating the shit out of each other (or rather, steve really unfairly smacking tony around because tony dropped his armor, and had been practically sobbing, begging steve to talk to him) and parting ways for good.  the thing here is:  tony called steve and steve still picked up.  steve still fucking picked up even though they were at war with each other.  and...of course...that final fight.  tony's armor was disabled by the vision.  he was a fucking sitting duck, he could not fight back in any meaningful way against 220+lbs of pissed off super soldier.  his armor was dead.  and steve beat the everloving fuck out of him.  tony, laying there in the street, his helmet smashed to hell, jaw broken, face swollen, steve on top of him with the shield raised about to drop it on tony's unprotected face, and tony laying there...begging steve to end it.  begging him.  and then steve getting yanked off of tony by a bunch of civilians who saw steve about to murder tony right there in the street and took action.

is it all steve's fault?  fuck no, tony did some nasty shit, too.  which is my point.  they both did things that overall, were out of character for both of them.  tony okaying hit squads?  of supervillains?  to bring in kid superheroes?  tony?  are you fucking serious right now?  that is not typical tony stark behavior.  see:  young avengers for details, when it's very obvious he doesn't think steve coming down so hard on kids wanting to help make the world better place was necessarily the right thing to do.  steve rogers, the man who mourned bucky barnes for years?  because he lost his best friend?  about to kill his other best friend in cold blood?  in the middle of a street?  really?  really???

steve in his cell:  when steve surrenders and steve's in the helicarrier, power dampner on, under arrest, awaiting arraignment, and tony comes to talk to him...things i want to point out:  this wasn't like an extended period of time after steve surrendered.  this was...very soon after that.  please remember, tony had been beat to all fucking hell by steve.  he shows up in full armor, never removes his helmet, nothing.  extremis's healing factor is good, but it's not that good.  tony's still beat to hell.  i'm willing to bet he was using the armor's autopilot function, too, because if he could actually stand up straight i'd call you a fucking a liar.  steve flinging out accusations on tony's mental health like barbs (he's not wrong, though, but you can bet tony takes every fucking word to heart in the absolute worst way).  the last words steve rogers says to tony stark is "was it worth it?  answer me."  as tony walks away.

steve's death:  hoo boy.  okay.  so, let me just...throw this out here:  steve's death fucking broke tony.  broke him.  completely.  utterly.  unmade him entirely.  steve on his way to arraignment takes a sniper shot for someone else, because steve is that kind of guy.  sharon, under mind control, pumps three bullets (time bullets it later turns out) into steve's stomach.  steve bleeds out.  dies.  you know what happens?  tony, who was supposed to give steve's eulogy, loses it.  breaks down when he gets up to speak.  starts sobbing hopelessly.  has to step down, there's no way in fuck tony stark will ever hold it together to deliver a real eulogy like that for steve.  i keep saying i cannot overstate how important they are to each other.  i can't.  i really can't.  like...they're so close at some points i feel like they're one soul in two bodies.  anyway.  when asked, tony says finding steve was the greatest day of his life.  not only does tony just fucking lose it, it turns out they don't bury steve that day.  instead, the remaining of the original avengers (tony, hank, jan) meet in the ice fields they found steve in.  they give him a quiet send off, for just the three of them and steve.  it's where "i miss your battlecry" comes from.  namor takes steve's coffin, promises no one will ever bother it.  they put steve back in the ice they found him.  yeah that...sure sounds like...the treatment of a guy who hated steve rogers, huh, and this on top of the fact that, yes, tony watched steve's autopsy (through the helicarrier camers).  he tortured himself just like that.  clint never had to tell tony he might as well have pulled the trigger himself, tony was already telling himself that.  he saw what happened to steve's body after, just...what it looked like.  he argued with sharon.  and then made sure sharon was taken care of, as completely as he could, after everything, because that's the kind of person tony is.  he continued to completely fall apart and not deal with steve's death in any fucking meaningful way.  he talked to steve's body after they brought him to the helicarrier before his autopsy.  he told him literally everything.  he told him through snot and tears and sobs and a complete and utter breakdown.  he told him it wasn't worth it, because the truth is, tony stark cannot bear the thought of living in a world where steve rogers does not exist.  there's a flipside to this, hold that thought.

tony's breakdowns:  post civil war tony has...quite a few of these.  he hallucinates steve (a side effect of extremis, all the info he takes in on a daily basis gets shoved into the part of his brain that processes guilt to be sorted through, and then his brain spits out important information in the form of people who are dead that tony blames himself for - steve played a prominent role there).  everyone can see it.  he doesn't leave the armor most of the time.  he flips out randomly.  he loses his shit utterly.  he's put on admin leave barring a psyche eval as direct of shield (a position he got ultimately railroaded into).  tony doesn't deal, is what i'm saying.  steve's death?  fucking breaks him.  totally.  tony does not pull himself back together at fucking all.  he doesn't handle it.  he blames himself for everything.  utterly everything.  yes, he was at fault for some things.  yes, he made a lot of bad calls.  but he canonizes steve (who also did hinky shit) and then turns around and tells himself he doesn't deserve even the modicum of happiness.  he has good days and bad days.  sometimes he almost seems like his old self.  most of the time he's barely holding himself together with spit and bubblegum.  ...i'd argue he may have been more than a little suicidal, at points.  he does some really, really risky shit - riskier than normal.

bucky/steve's letter:  bucky comes to kill tony.  there's just no other way to put it.  and they fight.  and tony does his absolute best not to hurt bucky.  he'd just gotten steve's letter - via execution of steve's estate - and even in the thick of it...steve still reached out to tony.  that letter was like...a friendly shoulder squeeze through the veil, you get me?  tony needed that, he really did.  it was a bandaid over a bullet wound, but he needed it.  and he turned around, and because steve utterly believed in bucky, put the weight of his faith and his trust behind bucky completely.  gave him the shield.  knew no one else would carry on steve's legacy the way bucky would.  ended up trusting bucky enough as the new cap to give him all the info on iron man, and how to shut tony down permanently, if need be.

frank castle:  steve damn near kills him.  steve.  that steve.  steve rogers.  y'all get how weird that is, right?  steve is wound like a bowstring the entire goddamn length of civil war.  i wonder if...the purpose...wasn't to get him to snap utterly and you know what that could have culminated in?  that's right.  tony's death at steve's hands.  you'd never get tony to kill steve.  ever.  ever.  but the other way around?  if you...tweak it just right?  hmmm.

the brain wipe:  so tony just...magically doesn't have any backups that include the worst year of his life.  i'm supposed to believe tony "meticulous to a fault" stark didn't back up his brain more than once.  uh huh.  okay.  so he just...manages to forget completely how unfunctioning he was after steve's death.  wipes out how utterly devastated and destroyed he was because steve was no longer in the world, who was fine with steve hating him and never speaking to him again as long as tony could protect him.  okay.  sure, karen.  but also, as a point, he left the decision up to thor and cap, ultimately, whether or not to bring him back.  at the time, thor was...mmm... but they had don.  and cap was bucky.  but they also brought steve in, who was alive at that point, because everyone knew when tony said cap in that recording he meant steve rogers.  and the holdout was pepper.  no one else really hesitated.  of course they bring tony back.  the world needs iron man.  the world needs tony stark.  gee, does...does that sound...like the guy ready to turn his best friend's head to mush with his shield?  hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm.

brain wipe aftermath:  tony's not wrangled well enough.  i...will argue that leaving him alone with pepper and maria hill might not have been the best of things to do.  i get it, osborn was being osborn, but.  it played out as being vindictive, letting tony stumble upon all of that himself.  but the huge, key thing to note here is steve fucking rogers tearing into the building where tony's being kept, knowing what's up, demanding to know where tony is because tony's only very recently woken up and...it turns...out...he's playing catch up on the last year and...has found...he thinks steve is dead.  in that moment tony stark thinks steve rogers is dead and you know what he does?  what tony always does when confronted with steve's mortality:  he starts crying.  he gets upset.  and i definitely think how tony finds out sets the tony for things for...a good long while, especially between himself and steve.

and going on in the background of all of this melodrama is...civil war itself, of course, everyone fighting each other viciously over registration, the nightmare of the fifty state initiative, which does not...go well.  the shit with the negative zone and a huge flashing warning light in the form of tony telling carol that of course they have to bring their friends into custody.  if he and the mighty avengers don't, they will.  they being shield.  remember project wideawake?  think microchipping every superhuman.  think genetic testing for powers.  think sentinals for everyone, not just mutants.  think people like spider-man on a dissection table.  all the shit tony was trying to get in front of, and put a stop to.

secret invasion happens.  and the first person in the entire thing, openly, that gets taken out?  tony stark.  extremis is mostly shut down.  his tech gets taken down.  iron man is, for a time, effectively removed from the picture completely.  tony, having seen it coming, has set rhodey up with a suit that has no starktech.  has a plan in place.  tony seizes.  he damned near dies, really.  almost gets taken in by the skrull queen (who's been psing as spider-woman all this time).  and during all of this steve's floating through time, trying to make his way back to his own body so the red skull can't take it.  eventually succeeds at that.  what i'm saying is everything was a complete and utter shitshow.

norman osborn?  now director of shield.  it goes about as well as you think it does, him and his dark avengers.  he tries to lay siege to asgard (which is floating up above and near broxton, oklahoma) after going off the rails.  he does some naughty naughty things.  it's not good.  he steals tony's tech.  he damned near beats tony to death on live tv.  the rt in tony's chest doesn't just cover the brain wipe, folks, it handles the fucking brain damage norman osborn did to him.

things to particularly consider:  jessica drew was a skrull during all of this.  with pheromone powers.  firmly on the side of team steve.  just...think about that.  think about steve's aggressiveness.  think about how easily the real jess is able to like.  sweeten up the hulk (he made her a sandwich and it's the most precious thing) even when he's angry and in pain.  just.  think about it.

think about project wideawake.  think about how firmly tony opposed it.  think about how he saw the writing on the wall after stamford and knew they had to get in front of it.  think about tony going to all those kids' funerals.  think about how emotionally open he'd be.  think about how perfectly miriam sharpe played into things.  think about all the praise she heaped on tony every time he did something she wanted.  think about how tony's self-esteem issues work.  just...think about that.

think about how a lot of players in shra were all involved in anti-mutant stuff.  consider that a moment.

think about how easily the green fucking goblin was able to get into the good public graces by killing the skrull queen.

and the most important piece of evidence i'll give you:  civil war: warzones.  it's a what if.  a what if had civil war dragged on instead of ending in steve's death.  guess what.  turns out the skrulls had been escalating and manipulating the entire fucking time.

just.  think about it.  all of it.  and civil war starts to make a hell of a lot more sense.

[thestuckylibrary]

Mods’ Reads: December 2018

Here’s the list of everything the Mods have read this past month!

Mod Blue

Red Right Hand* by littleblackfox (complete | 71,532 | M) *graphic violence

"Steven,” Erskine says, his expression shifting from kindly to something sharper. “Make no mistake, there are things that go bump in the night. And we are the things who bump back.”

In 1943 Johann Schmidt attempts to open a portal to the nine realms to raise a demonic army against the Allied Forces. His efforts are thwarted by Abraham Erskine and the Howling Commandos, but not before something comes through - a child. A demon child, his body flame-red but for his silver left arm. Seventy years later Steve Rogers, still reeling from an encounter with a Djinn, is offered a job with the mysterious SSR, and comes face to face with the legendary Hellboy.

If You Ever Did Believe by wearing_tearing (oneshot | 33,192 | M)

Bucky Barnes will never die of a broken heart. The spell he cast at thirteen, in between white petals and whispered words of magic, makes sure of that.

But then Bucky murders someone, conspires with his sister to hide the body, and meets Steve Rogers.

Untitled Bullshit by hakunahistata, Izulkowa (complete | 16,678 | T)

“Date?” Steve smiles.

“Yeah, you an’ me. Dinner and a movie, or we could always skip straight to the fun stuff. I’m easy.”

Steve shakes his head with a small laugh. “Think you have the wrong idea, pal.”

“One of these days I’m gonna convince you that it’s me who has the right idea.” Bucky says, just like he does every appointment.

***

After an injury leaves Bucky Barnes armless, jobless, and back at his parent’s house, he meets his physical therapist, Steve Rogers. It’s not the best timing but it’s certainly not the worst.

The Courage In Silence Speaks Of Love* by Menatiera, Tsuminoaru (complete | 65,135 | M) *graphic violence

"Steve was used to weird things. He was used to mundane things too. What he wasn’t used to, however, was waking up at the crack of dawn to find an unconscious man in his backyard, clearly the reason behind the alarms being triggered."

Life isn't particularly exciting for an expelled Summer Knight in the human world, years after his mortal love died of old age. So he's a little surprised when his old world comes knocking on his door in the form of a wounded, masked and voiceless fey.

Turns out, the new visitor has a past, too, and when it catches up with them, the Summer Knight's life is going to get interesting again.

Unfortunately, among the Sidhe, interesting almost always means dangerous. To them, and to those who they want to protect as well.

it won't be a stylish marriage by mambo (oneshot | 1,546 | G)

Steve wants to propose.

But he's a little shy.

In My Cold Arms by alby_mangroves, coldwinterrose (Eris13), maichan (complete | 35,656 | E)

After James’ rescue in 1991, he felt like he’d built a pretty good, if slightly lonely, life for himself. He had a beautiful cabin in the woods, his cats for company, and his woodworking and knitting to keep him busy. One day though, he gets a phone call that could change everything.

When Steve woke to an unexpected and shocking future, he was at a loss for what to do with himself. There were no more wars to fight, and no home to go back to. He struggled to figure out who he is in this new world; until he finds that maybe he didn’t lose as much as he first thought.

Part 2 of blessed be the boys time can't capture

At Sixes and Sevens by Speranza (oneshot | 2,938 | M)

Part 13 of 4 Minute Window

Hearts Like Ours by FindingFrancis, wearing_tearing (complete | 100,590 | E)

“You’re kind of a weird one, aren’t you?”

Bucky gasps, all mock-offense. “We’re rolling with the insults today, aren’t we?”

Steve flushes again, shoulders tight. “Sorry. Just… Sorry.”

Bucky’s expression softens, and he goes with his gut as he reaches a hand out, fingers grazing the back of Steve’s hand on the table. Steve’s skin is warm, just as Bucky thought it would be. “It’s okay. It’s actually kind of nice knowing you can match my level of asshole.”

*

Today, of all days, is the day Bucky is going to meet the love of his life. Imagine his surprise when it turns out to be Captain America. Or: The Adventures of Bucky Barnes, the Shitty Psychic.

Lovecraft in Brooklyn* by littleblackfox (complete | 20,562 | E) *graphic violence

Bucky shrugs. “My brothers wish me dead. But I have claimed this world as mine, and should any dare approach I will slaughter them, and their progeny.” “Oh,” Steve says weakly. “Well, it’s tough coming from a large family.”

Part 1 of Lovecraft in Brooklyn

We Are Salmon in the Stream After Years At Sea* by littleblackfox (complete | 18,218 | E) *graphic violence

Steve sighs. “This creepy looking hobo cornered me in the store, spouting some shit about congress with an abomination.” Bucky bares his teeth. All of them. Even Steve finds it unsettling. “I will devour him.” “No!” Steve waves a finger under Bucky’s nose. “No eating people, remember.” “Rule number one,” Bucky grumbles. “No eating humans, or human-like things.” He gives Steve a sullen glare. “I will rend his foul tongue from his worthless form.” “Well, so long as you don’t eat it afterwards.”

Part 2 of Lovecraft in Brooklyn

sun falls moon lights by silentwalrus (oneshot | 1,726 | G)

'Tis the season.

Part 3 of Bucky Barnes Gets His Groove Back & Other International Incidents

back seat drive by silentwalrus (oneshot | 9,683 | E) (reread)

Bucky wants a car. Bucky gets a car. Now Bucky wants to blow Steve while he’s driving the car. It’s awful, how Steve just keeps giving him what he wants.

Part 1 of ridin'

under the hood by silentwalrus (oneshot | 17,007 | E)

Steve continues his terrible campaign of giving Bucky things. Bucky continues various terrible campaigns of his own.

Part 2 of ridin'

No Sacrifice Required* by cleo4u2, xantissa (oneshot | 8,722 | E) *graphic violence

Tentacle Gods: do not mix with Hydra.

Part 1 of Consentacles: Adventures of an Elder God

Tentacles in Love by cleo4u2, xantissa (oneshot | 10,119 | E)

No matter how Clint looked at it, the guy visiting Disneyland and window shopping while eating ice cream could not be the Winter Soldier, much less the reason for the trail of murder and mayhem he and Natasha were following. It couldn’t be the pretty, not-all-there companion either. But someone was leaving Hydra bodies, half-eaten and crushed, all along the Pacific seaboard. Someone who happened to be where the Winter Soldier and his pretty blond friend happened to be.

Part 2 of Consentacles: Adventures of an Elder God

Common Revelations and Other Catastrophes by maikurosaki, Stucky1980 (complete | 29,118 | E)

In retrospect, the moment it dawned on Bucky that he might be in love with his best friend wasn't really a big deal. In fact, as far as epiphanies went, this one was actually kind of underwhelming. Maybe Bucky had lived his whole life with the misconception that an epiphany was supposed to change him forever and doom him to a permanent state of revelation that would make him see clearly the pathway of his life.

What a bunch of crap!

Starlight* by Hopeless--Geek (wuzzy90), littleblackfox (complete | 50,707 | M) *graphic violence

There is no time. No time to process, no time to grieve. Steve pushes the horror, the guilt, down into the pit of his stomach, a lead weight that would crush him if he allowed it. The noise from the array distorts, changing in frequency as the light flares up, painfully bright. Steve turns away, shielding his eyes, and sees the Borg on the walkway before him move stiffly, its head still bowed. It slowly rises, lifting its head. The red laser sighted by its right eye strobes across Steve’s face as it turns towards him. It was human, once. It’s eyes a shade of blue that Steve hasn’t seen in half a lifetime.

I know you.

Hold My Hand Along The Shore by littleblackfox (oneshot | 5,284 | G)

So there were these two guys. They had never met, never spoken to each other, but one day one of them wrote a letter. If you held my hand, I would feel it.

Check, Mate? by talkplaylove-art (talkplaylove), wearing_tearing (oneshot | 1,938 | T)

A notification from Check, Mate? blinks back at him. Steve’s heart speeds up when he opens the app and then his face breaks into a blinding grin when sees what’s waiting for him.

James likes him back.

Part 1 of endgame

Part 5 of Happy Steve Bingo

Just About Half-Past Ten by rohkeutta (oneshot | 1,979 | T)

But as he reaches Madison Avenue, Stark Tower a mere block away, the skies open with a whoosh, and he barely manages to duck under the construction scaffolding perched over the sidewalk. Thunder rumbles overhead, and Bucky frantically checks every compartment of his bag for an umbrella he knowsis there.

It’s not. He does find some loose glitter, though, and a lipstick he wore for Pride and had thought he’d lost, plus a spare Metro Card he can’t remember buying.

He also gets a crystal clear flashback of leaving the umbrella under his desk to dry yesterday morning, and never picking it up again.

Leave Those Umbrellas At Home by rohkeutta (oneshot | 2,441 | T)

Bucky watches the watery snow come down and thinks about it, his mood deflating steadily. He imagines Steve going home the next morning, sitting down at his desk and opening his Super-Secret Sexcapade Journal and writing Bucky’s name in next to a carefully-thought Preparation & Performance Grade.

B+ for the effort to look nice naked, C- for being embarrassingly vanilla and wanting to do it face-to-face so he could scritch his fingers through Steve’s beard and hair. Not worth a repetition. Kinky Grade: F.

Bucky’s being uncharitable and he knows it, but Hangry Barnes can be a sad sack of shit when he wants to.

Get Scrooged by alby_mangroves, leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (complete | 19,765 | T)

You'll be haunted by three spirits. The first is gonna come tomorrow when the bell tolls one. That's in the morning. The second's gonna come the next day at the same time, and the third, same again.

Bucky was keeping his head down in his tiny apartment in Bucharest, because that's what you did when you were a former brainwashed assassin and never knew who might be coming after you. You kept your head down, you didn't draw attention, and you tried real hard not to think about what you'd done, all while trying to piece together your fractured memory.

But it doesn't matter how down you keep your head—once the Bureau of Christmas Spirit has you in its sights, you're getting a visit from the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come. No appeal, no review, and you can't lock the doors and pretend you're not home.

Luckily for Bucky his Ghosts have their own agenda, but whatever happens...someone's getting Scrooged.

buachaill sciobail by silentwalrus (complete | 5,271 | not rated)

“Okay,” Sam says. “Okay. Alright. O-kay. I just, I gotta say, man, when you told me ‘Bucky is a selkie’ this is not... really…. what I... imagined.” “What did you imagine?” Steve says. Across his lap - or rather covering his entire body from the waist down - the eight hundred pound tube of blubber that is J.B. Barnes blows a snot bubble. 

Part 1 of barnacle boy

teach your man to fish by silentwalrus (oneshot | 12,835 | T)

Bucky doesn’t deign to stay in Stark Tower for much longer than it takes to completely clean out the kitchens’ fish supply. After slurping down the last oyster and sneering in disgust at the contents of the walk-in freezer, Bucky turns to Steve, pelt over his shoulder, and says, “Where do you live?”

Podfic available by the magnificent Quietnight!

Part 2 of barnacle boy

where the dread fern grows by silentwalrus (oneshot | 6,684 | G)

Sam's gotta buy a wedding present, and nothing but elf booze will do.

Part 1 of a greenhouse in brooklyn

march of the pumpkins by silentwalrus (oneshot | 2,380 | G)

Halloween in Brooklyn, bog witch style.

Part 2 of a greenhouse in brooklyn

Scenes From A Marriage: Mailbag by Speranza (complete | 17,908 | not rated)

This is the 4 Minute Window Advent calendar for 2018! As always, my goal is to tell a little bit of story each day (knock wood) between the Immaculate Conception and Christmas. Explicit eventually, the rest as it comes. This year's story features letters written, in world, to Captain America. If you want to write a letter to Cap, drop it in the comments or email me and I might use it (but no promises, because this is a terrifying tightwire act as it is.) Also feel free to request things you want to see and I'll see what I can do. Hope you enjoy: buckle up! 

Part 14 of 4 Minute Window

Wrecks My Nerves by castiowl (complete | 48,344 | E)

Honestly, all Bucky wants to do is win Hell's Kitchen so he can get out of his shitty apartment and be happy for once in his life, but then Steve is there and he's awful and wonderful and terrible and ruining everything. It's the Avengers: Hell's Kitchen!

The Big American Family Cooking Showdown by dearlydraupadi (complete | 11,066 | G)

Steve Rogers is a cameraman for the Big American Family Cooking Showdown. Bucky Barnes is a contestant along with his mother and sister. Steve Rogers can't stop filming Bucky Barnes' beautiful face. It's not long before the rest of the crew is getting annoyed, Bucky is getting a clue, and Steve is getting embarrassed. Welcome to the Big American Family Cooking Showdown!

Art for Art's Sake by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (oneshot | 4,101 | T)

“But Professor Barnes is more fun,” Steve said, smiling wickedly, pressing the tip of one long finger to Bucky’s chest. Bucky’s brain flatlined at the contact, left him blinking down at Steve. Steve watched him for a bit, then his smile softened and he let his hand fall. “James, then. And you can explain what’s so fascinating about the painting.”

Bucky pulled himself together with an effort. “I think the artist who painted this was having some fun. Maybe he didn’t like the guy he was painting it for?” Steve looked at him sharply. Bucky didn’t quite know why, maybe he'd made some sort of art faux pas, but he pointed at the shadowy spot with the pigs. “Here. You can tell me if I’m imagining it.”

Steve leaned in, following the line of Bucky’s finger, one hand settling gracefully onto Bucky’s bicep for balance. His hand was warm, his long fingers strong and supple as they curled slightly, and Bucky swallowed hard and called himself nine kinds of idiot. He was a grown man, not some high school kid with a crush. Steve’s hand was on his arm, not anywhere interesting. This was stupid.

His suddenly racing heart seemed determined to ignore the message.

no matter how long the day is (i'll come home to you) by alby_mangroves, talkplaylove (oneshot | 27,769 | T)

Steve’s spent an hour along Portobello Road before he sees the paparazzi on the left side of the street, trying to be inconspicuous by a street lamp. He crosses the street and ducks into the first store he sees, tucked behind a screaming red door and under a blue and white striped awning.

He listens, feet planted in front of the door, shoulders tense, as he looks around the shop. Row upon row of books are on the shelves in front of him, the wood creaking under their weight. Behind the counter is a dark haired man wearing a jacket, elbow on the table, stubbled chin on one hand, gloved left hand flipping the pages of a book.

No one follows Steve in.

Or, the one where Captain America travels the world, learns how to be Steve Rogers again, and meets Bucky Barnes along the way. Also: the one where two old souls fall in love over young adult books, long distance calls, and texting at strange hours of the day.

The Heart of a Dying Star by layersofart (layersofsilence), velleities (complete | 38,200 | E)

As ancient legends have it, mighty magical weapons can be forged in the heart of a dying star.

Wanda, driven by her desire to avenge her brother’s death and backed by Hydra and their secret plans, uses ancient magic to knock a star down from the sky.

Halfway across the land, Steve, the Captain of the Avengers Guard, finds a fallen star named Bucky.

Mod Julia

Steve Rogers and the minefields of social media by cpt_winniethepooh (oneshot | 1,795 | T)

Steve gets a Twitter account, then an Instagram one, then he gets Bucky back, too.

Kissin' by the mistletoe (Love came to stay) by obsessivereader (oneshot | 4,949 | E)

“I told you,” Steve wheezes, as he tries to catch his breath. “Didn’t I fucking tell you we'd fall if you didn't quit pushing?”

He’d laugh if he had any air left in his lungs. Instead, all he can do is stare up at Bucky as the sound of his carefree laugh winds its way around Steve’s heart. He barely even registers the cold seeping in through his jacket and jeans as he lies in the snow, attention catching instead on the snowflake clinging to Bucky’s lashes. Were Bucky’s eyes always that luminous? The crinkles around his eyes so endearing? Were his lips always that pink?

Bucky’s laugh dies away at Steve’s continued silence. A strange expression settles on his face, like he’s looking into the face of a stranger for the first time, studying and cataloging Steve’s features one by one—eyes, nose, mouth.

Cafe Au Écoute by littlesystems (oneshot | 3,829 | T)

No matter where Steve goes, there's always the chance that he'll overhear a conversation about himself - or rather, Captain America. This coffee shop is no different. The fact that he keeps eavesdropping well past the point of plausible deniability is another matter entirely.

the audacity by mcwho (oneshot | 2,598 | M)

“I don’t know where you all got the idea that I was giving it to Steve with the lights off under the blankets in total silence by candlelight, but you’re all wrong. Wrong.”

Home is a Smell, Home is a Heartbeat by odetteandodile (oneshot | 3,633 | M)

Bucky cooks an old recipe of Sarah Rogers'.

Steve learns that sensory memory is a bitch.

It all comes out okay in the end.

Leave Those Umbrellas At Home by rohkeutta (oneshot | 2,441 | T)

Bucky watches the watery snow come down and thinks about it, his mood deflating steadily. He imagines Steve going home the next morning, sitting down at his desk and opening his Super-Secret Sexcapade Journal and writing Bucky’s name in next to a carefully-thought Preparation & Performance Grade.

B+ for the effort to look nice naked, C- for being embarrassingly vanilla and wanting to do it face-to-face so he could scritch his fingers through Steve’s beard and hair. Not worth a repetition. Kinky Grade: F.

Bucky’s being uncharitable and he knows it, but Hangry Barnes can be a sad sack of shit when he wants to.

Catch of the Day by Eremji (handsfullofdust) (oneshot | 4,680 | E)

Bucky’s not laughing at him, not where Steve can see, but after Thor gives Steve an appraising look, scratching his beard absently, and says with usual cheer, “You’re most fortunate. This enchantment is only temporary,” Bucky makes sure he’s not in Steve’s direct line of sight.

It's about par for the course that Steve Rogers get himself in all manner of trouble. A couple extra limbs are really no big deal.

all the words are gonna bleed from me by doctorenterprise (oneshot | 1,151 | M)

It’s been a long time since Steve felt such an unwavering, steady rage.

-

A brief, dark look into Steve's devotion to James Buchanan Barnes.

What Makes a Home by i_buchanan (oneshot | 14,788 | E)

Bucky's grateful to be living with Steve again. Grateful to have another chance to keep him close, regardless of the stress of keeping his feelings to himself. It would be a lot easier to do that, however, if Steve didn't seem intent on getting him more than he could think to ask for.

Long Live the Long Lost King by Kryptaria (oneshot | 1,980 | T)

Bucky had no idea he was royalty.

To be fair, it’s not like they had DNA tests and ancestry databases when he was a kid. But now? Turns out his sisters had kids, and their kids had kids, and someone got a multi-pack discount on DNA test kits.

I Can Say The Sun Burns Much Brighter Today by Kajmere (oneshot | 5,919 | T)

Over the years, Steve has learned to choose his battles wisely when it comes to arguing with Natasha. So, when she hands him a set of keys and says they’re dropping him off at one of her secure locations in the middle of Steve-can’t-even-remember, Europe, for a few days of rest, he puts up a fight for all of thirty seconds before resigning with a sigh.

Snow way out by TyrantTirade (oneshot | 17,161 | E)

The call barely goes through, Natashas voice lagging in and out until it becomes more clear. Steve hopes that it stays that way for at least a few minutes, long enough to figure out what to do to salvage the situation. So much for a winter vacation, he thinks.

“So,” he starts, “I think there's a blizzard here.”

two strangers in the bright lights by Claudia_flies (oneshot | 7,348 | E)

It really is an accident. Steve wouldn’t even call it a slip of the tongue, because what he said and the way it was heard were two different things.

christmas traditions by belovedmuerto (oneshot | 2,091 | T)

Bucky wants to know what they used to do at Christmas.

I got that good thing for you by canistakahari (oneshot | 5,830 | E)

When it comes down to it, Steve will do anything for Bucky. Even if that involves fulfilling a very specific seasonally-adjacent fantasy.

re:spite by steebadore (oneshot | 4,150 | T)

It starts, as most things do, with spite. The problem is, it doesn't end there.

A Tree for (Not Quite) Christmas by layersofsilence (oneshot | 4,348 | T)

Steve’s been up since three in the morning to deal with these assholes. All he wants now is to go back to their safehouse and nap until Tony picks them up.

Of course, he should've known better than to ruminate on that particular subject. As soon as the thought crosses his mind his peaceful bubble is absolutely and comprehensively shattered, first by the slam of a screen door and then by a small girl who barrels from her porch to crash headlong into Steve’s legs.

Undercover by glyphsbowtie (oneshot | 1,094 | T)

Steve Rogers says these words in a matter-of-fact tone that has Bucky nodding for a second, before he catches himself. “Wait- what? You're going to kick his ass?” The tiny man next to him nods. “I don't like bullies,” he shrugs. “Anyway, I thought I would let you know because I would hate for you to get hurt.” “Gee, thanks.” Bucky is staring in absolute shock at this adorable vigilante. “Um, has it not occurred to you to call the police, pal?”

territorial by mcwho (oneshot | 2,734 | E)

The thing about Steve Rogers is that he’s a jealous, possessive, Grade-A All-American asshole

[ladyfl4me]

I’m planning an Indruck fic right now as something to chip a way at to relax between class work and I was wondering if you have any advice? I have all of it looking pretty mapped out down to the chapters it’s more because this is the first fic I’ve written and plan to share I’m pretty nervous tbh!

hell yeah, that’s awesome! it’s great to hear that you’re planning on sharing it. i’ve been using tmwciftc in a similar way over the past few months, as a way to destress/move away from shit in my life, so i think it’s a great idea that you’re planning on doing this! 

that being said, don’t let it consume your life to the point that it also becomes stressful. some of my friends can attest that - especially around chapters 10, 11, and 12, when the bombshells of arc 3 began to be dropped - i was going apeshit over the plot because i didn’t know how to make it fit with canon. it was becoming the only thing i thought about, and i needed a break. having a plan definitely helps. because then you at least know where you’re going, and you don’t have to stress out over what’s going to happen next. it’s good that you have the chapters mapped out, because then you have some kind of framework to go off of!

there’s some stuff i do that really tends to help. this got kind of long, so i’ll give you a quick summary, and then throw my explanations under a read more. i hope this helps

i read other people’s stuff

i listen to other mcelroy content outside of taz

i read transcripts

i listen to music

i take full advantage of the tagging system and my networks

sometimes - like, a solid 70% of the time - i get lost and don’t know what to say or do with the characters. it comes out like “duck jumped” or “ned said” or “the moon was big and large,” and it’s not flowing the way i want it to. when that happens, i take a break from writing and read some stuff that i know will be able to hold my attention. for example, i was really tied up over chapter 14 a few weeks ago because the words were sticking in a major way, so i went and reread American Gods and Good Omens to give my brain a break. not only was i not focusing on writing 24/7, but i also picked up some style and pacing tips that helped me figure out how to make the scene move. reading other stuff gives your brain a break and can give you tips for how to keep going.

that’s what i do for plot when i get lost. when i get lost with the characters, i go back to the source: i read transcripts and listen to other mcelroy podcasts. reading the transcripts, though, is like doing research: you have the facts laid out for you, you can skim back and forth in a simple way, you can see in an instant how characters act without having to slog through the actual dialogue of gameplay. that helps me cement characterizations and stuff after my first listen-through. when i’m done with planning a chapter, i’ll usually go back and listen again to get a grip on dialogue one last time, and maybe to do outside theorizing with friends. this is by no means an exhaustive strategy; you can listen to taz episodes as often as you like, if you need to get certain things down/if your fic is heavily reliant on canon elements to proceed. whatever works for you!

listening to other mcelroy podcasts is a good twofold strategy: it gives your brain a break, and it also lets you marinate in the mcelroy lexicon. you get access to juicy turns of phrase, speech patterns, senses of humor, and other things that typically remain consistent throughout their other podcasts. i’ve listened back to episode 229 of mbmbam in the past two months, and there have been a lot of interesting things i’ve picked up. 

for example, mbmbam griffin is different from wonderful griffin and taz griffin, but there are similar threads of humor and emotion that are present in each podcast he does. same goes for travis and justin. the cool thing about the DnD format is that these characters - be they from amnesty, balance, committment, dust, or anything else they do - are an extension of the people playing them. travis has stated that he directly draws on elements of himself and the people in his life to play aubrey and magnus; he is the most obvious example of how the boys are connected to their characters. 

i can’t speak for the other mcelroys - real people cannot be subject to the same standards of analysis as literary characters - but there is a human element embedded in these characters that is unique from other pieces of media. listening to other podcasts can give you some vocabulary for TAZ dialogue that might be helpful, and also you might get a good brain break. 

also - music helps. music helps me a lot. you mentioned that you have the chapters outlined already; if times get tough while writing, or even before they do, you can go through spotify’s film scores collections and see if there’s something that strikes your fancy. with the tmwciftc playlist, i pick songs that have a specific mood, or can possibly be played in the background as the score, or - as was the case with the start of chapter 14 and the middle of 16 - are actually in the chapter. composing your own “movie score” for a fic can be a) a good brain break, and b) can make some of the emotional complexities of your scenes deeper. 

once the fic is underway, there’s the daunting task of publicity. getting people to read the story can be tough sometimes. what i usually do is post on ao3, then post on tumblr - with a quick description, and using as many tags as apply (character, ship, fandom, usually) - and then yeet the tumblr link at my friends in discord servers. if you’re not on discord, publishing links just on tumblr is more than okay.

in either case, when you’re sharing the fic, at the end of the day it’s a story you wrote. it’s a part of you that you created, no matter how small or silly or terrifying. before you wanted to post it for the world to see, it was a story that you wanted to tell. just remember that. this is a story that you want to tell, and it is a story that someone will hear, even if that someone is just you. but you’re going to be amazing, and i bet this story will be too. 

i hope this helped! if you have any more questions, feel free to send in any you have. thank you so much for the ask!

[chasholidays]

Bellarke AU for To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before!!!!!! Pretty please! Thank you for doing this every year, you’re the greatest!

when I wake up in the morning and post this, it will be my 500th t100 fic on AO3, so that’s a cool milestone

Bellamy Blake does not identify as “good at feelings.”

Well, okay, that’s not entirely true. Realistically speaking, he gets that he’s better with feelings than a lot of people, especially in the teenage boy demographic. He’s empathetic and fairly good at helping other people through their own emotional issues. It’s more that he’s bad with his own feelings, especially romantic ones. He’s bad at developing feelings for appropriate and realistic people, he’s bad at dealing with those feelings, and he’s bad at getting over those feelings.

Which is how he came up with the letter thing in the first place. He’d had a stupid, incoherent crush on Clarke Griffin which was bad before she started dating Lexa Commodore, and once that happened, he felt not only annoyed but actively like an asshole about it.

So he wrote a letter, explaining how he’d come to like her–one stupid kiss in one stupid game of spin-the-bottle–and all the reasons he really shouldn’t like her, starting with how they couldn’t stop fighting and ending with the way she was possibly not even into guys and he should respect that, covering pages of ground between the two.

It wasn’t a particularly good letter, but it was a great way to purge his feelings, and over the next few years, any time he caught himself watching the curve of Clarke’s smile or agreeing with her in a debate for once, he’d go home, read the letter, and remember all the very good reasons he didn’t have a crush on her anymore.

It worked so well that he did another one explaining to himself why just because he and Echo Argent made out at one debate-club tournament, it did not mean they were going start a functional long-distance relationship, and then another reminding himself that John Murphy was weirdly attractive but it would absolutely never work between them.

And then his last, for Nathan Miller, which really only needed one reason: he was dating Monty.

He came up with other reasons too, obviously, but Miller dating his foster brother was the biggest one. He could get over the fact that Miller is one of his best friends–that’s a plus, mostly–and get over the fact that Miller was kind of a crutch after his mom died when his whole life was in chaos. After all, he’s doing a lot better now. Monty’s family is great, Octavia’s largely stable, his life is in order. But Monty and Miller are together, and that means he will not and cannot have a thing for Miller.

Which is why the two of them breaking up is so catastrophic, and why he goes to find the letters in the first place. There was probably some valid reason to not like Miller somewhere in there. Once he gets going, he can usually keep going for a while; his letter to Clarke was like five pages long, and turned into, not to be too Hamilton about it, an itemized list of thirty years of disagreements.

So all he has to do is reread the letter, and he’ll remember all the good reasons that Monty and Miller breaking up doesn’t mean his Miller thing is allowed to come back. He can even add a post-script: siblings’ significant others are off limits, even after they break up. That seems like a good rule. If he was dating someone and they broke up, he’d think it was weird if Octavia or Monty picked them up on the rebound.

He’s working through the exact wording of the planned post-script when he realizes that he can’t find the box of letters, and his whole body goes cold.

His first, obviously incorrect, thought is that he misplaced it during the move to the Greens’ house, but he wrote the Miller letter after that, and then he put it in the box with the other letters, and put the box in the corner of his closet. He’d even brought it down about a couple months ago to reread the Clarke letter again after they were in the same group for an English project and it went really well. He remembers thinking about editing it, since she’s single again and he knows she IDs as bisexual, but it didn’t seem particularly important.

“Must have moved it somewhere this weekend,” he mutters. Monty was getting packed for his semester abroad, and it was a good excuse for everyone to reorganize and purge.

But he turns the room upside down and finds nothing, ends up sneaking into Monty’s empty room next to make sure it didn’t end up in there somehow. He doesn’t look inside anything, doesn’t violate privacy any more than he has to, but if his foster brother somehow ended up with a box that contained a “why I don’t have a thing for your ex-boyfriend anymore, really” letter, Bellamy needs to know that.

Of course, even though the box isn’t in Monty’s room, he could have taken it with him for his semester abroad. But if he did, there’s no way of knowing that, so Bellamy lets it go, tries not to think about the box stowing away in Monty’s luggage. It’s got to be somewhere in his own room, he just hasn’t figured out where yet.

He goes on not telling himself that right up until Wednesday morning, when Murphy leans against his locker to say, “You’re right, it never would have worked between us.”

“What,” he says, flat.

“It’s a little weird to send a whole letter about it, especially when I never asked if you wanted to fuck me, but I guess it was cool to find out you were thinking about it. Even if you decided to give it a pass.”

Bellamy’s stomach drops so low it feels like it’s actually left his body. He looks up at Murphy, sees he’s got the letter in his hand, the familiar envelope the most horrifying thing Bellamy has ever seen.

“What the fuck,” he says.

“That was my reaction, yeah.”

“Seriously, where did you get that, Murphy?”

He rolls his eyes. “In the mail, where else would I get it? It’s a letter.” His eyes flick up and down Bellamy. “You actually wrote it, huh?”

“It was a moment of weakness. I wouldn’t fuck you if you paid me.”

“That’s cool, I’ve got better things to do with my money anyway.”

“Glad we’re on the same page,” he says, and then he sees Clarke, down the hall at her own locker. She’s watching him, and he realizes, rapidly, that if Murphy got a letter, Clarke probably got a letter, and Miller got a letter, and his whole life is going to unravel very, very rapidly. “I gotta go,” he says, and ducks into the men’s bathroom before Clarke can come his way.

Murphy’s not a real problem; he and Bellamy aren’t friends, he was never a real crush, and he’s got a girlfriend now. He thought it was funny, but it’s not going to go anywhere else. Echo isn’t either, she lives on the other side of the state, and even if she gets the letter, they don’t really have a relationship to ruin.

Which leaves him with two crises: Clarke and Miller.

Clarke’s the less obvious but more pressing problem, as she’s in his grade and a lot of his classes, including his first-period history class. Miller’s a year younger than the two of them, so Bellamy won’t see him until after school, if not later. He can avoid Miller.

Unless he cuts class, he has to see Clarke. And his letter to her is definitely rough. He can’t imagine she needs a list of reasons they’ll never work, and it’s been years since that stupid spin-the-bottle kiss, at this point. She’ll probably figure out that something weird happened, but he can’t imagine she’s just going to let it go.

And then, miraculously, she does. She doesn’t look at him in history, or in English. He skips lunch because he and Miller have the same lunch period that day and doesn’t talk to Clarke through two more classes before the final bell rings and he escapes to his locker.

He’s almost convinced himself that she’s going to let it go when he hears her ask, “Hey, Blake, you want a ride?”

He glances up at her, but her face is blank, her expression giving nothing away. Clarke’s always had a good poker face.

“You don’t have stuff to do?” he asks. “Practice?”

“Nope. Do you want the ride or not?”

If he says no, she might never mention it again. This could be her way of asking if he wants to talk about it, and if he turns the ride down, this will be the end of it. She’ll let him off the hook.

But then he’ll never know what she thinks about the letter, and that’s always going to bug him. Plus, he and Miller take the same bus. He’d been thinking about hiding in Mr. Pike’s room and waiting for the late bus, but if Clarke’s willing–

“I would love a ride,” he says, shouldering his backpack. “Thanks.”

He and Clarke still aren’t friends, but they get along better than they did when he had his stupid crush on her. They mostly just don’t interact unless they have to, and Bellamy can admit he avoids her a little. There’s always this worry at the back of his mind that whatever weird fluke that caused him to like her in the first place will flare back up, and everyone in the world is convinced she and Lexa are going to get back together any day now, so that would be bad.

Although it might not be worse than having a crush on his foster brother’s ex-boyfriend. Seriously, if he could just opt-out of romantic feelings entirely, that would be great. He doesn’t need this.

“So, how old was that letter?” Clarke finally asks.

“End of eighth grade. I decided I was going to get over you so I could have a summer romance.”

She snorts softly. “How did that work out?”

The truth is that his mom was starting to get sick and he didn’t really have time for that kind of thing, but it doesn’t seem worth spoiling the decent mood they’ve got going. “Well, I got over you.”

“And you found the letter and got nostalgic and decided to send it to me after all?”

“No.” He leans back in his seat, rubbing his face. “Fuck, I honestly have no idea how they got sent out.”

There’s a long pause, and then Clarke says, a little prickly, “What do you mean, they?”

“This is how I get over crushes.”

“You write down a list of all the reasons you hate them?”

“Why we wouldn’t make a good couple.”

“How many did you write?”

“Four.”

“Who else got one?”

“You know Echo from debate?”

“Sort of. You had a crush on her?”

“We made out in ninth grade. It wasn’t that great, but I still kind of fixated for a while.”

“So the letter was basically you will have better makeout sessions?”

“And closer ones. She lives like four hours away, it wasn’t practical.”

“Okay, that’s two.”

He debates which one to share next, goes with, “Murphy.”

“Like–John Murphy? Murphy Murphy?”

“I had this dream about making out with him and it fucked me up for like a week, until I wrote down a complete list of reasons I didn’t want to actually make out with him.”

Clarke clucks her tongue. “It seems like a lot of your crushes start with kissing. Have you tried casual sex? Just to see if it’s an option for you?”

Bellamy hasn’t tried sex at all, but he’s not telling her that right now, or ideally ever. He’s not hung up on virginity or masculinity or whatever, it’s just not something he wants to discuss with her.

“Maybe I only kiss people who are really good at it.”

“Thanks, I think.” She pauses. “Was the list of reasons not to date Murphy longer than the list of reasons not to date me?”

“No, yours was the longest. I was inspired.”

“Thanks. You know I’m bi, right? Not a lesbian. And Lexa and I broke up.”

“I didn’t in eighth grade. It’s not like I go back and edit them,” he says, conveniently omitting that he’d been thinking about doing just that.

“And neither did whoever sent them out.”

“It must be my sister,” he says, sighing. “It’s not like Monty’s parents would do it.”

“Did you guys have a fight? Is she pissed at you?”

“She’s twelve, she’s pissed at the world.”

“That sounds right.” She shoots him a look. “That was only three. Who’s the fourth?”

He sighs. “Miller.”

“Shit,” she breathes. “Like–Nate Miller. Like Monty’s boyfriend.”

“Ex-boyfriend,” says Bellamy. “Yeah. It was mostly before they were going out. When I was dealing with all the stuff with my mom, he was really great. I kind of imprinted.”

“But he and Monty broke up, right?”

“That makes it slightly less awkward, yeah. But only slightly.”

“Was your whole reason for not liking him that he was dating Monty?”

“Pretty much.”

“So if he gets it–”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t actually know what you’re agreeing to. I was going to say he might be interested, but you sound like you’re dying.”

“I was going to say it would be really awkward.”

“It never occurred to you that someone you like might like you back?”

“It’s not going very well so far.”

“Isn’t Murphy not being interested kind of a good thing?”

“Kind of.” He sighs. “Thanks for being cool about this, by the way.”

“It’s flattering, right? Finding out someone likes you?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never found out anyone likes me.”

She takes the left turn onto his street without his having to remind her. “I knew how to spin a bottle and get it to land on the right person even in seventh grade,” she says, once she’s pulled into his driveway. “Good luck with the whole Miller situation.”

He’s not sure what to say besides, “Thanks for the ride.”

“Don’t mention it,” she says, and he watches her drive away.

It definitely could have been worse.

*

Miller doesn’t call or text that night, which he tries not to let bother him, and Octavia denies any knowledge of the box or the letters or anything convincingly enough that he has to believe her. He has no real grounds for accusing her of doing anything once he’s asked and she’s said no.

So he’s back at square one, Murphy smirking at him in the hall, dodging Miller when he sees him, feeling a weird lurch every time he sees Clarke. She looks worried, like she’s actually dwelling on this, and that’s weird too, and not something he’s prepared to deal with.

But it means that when Miller makes a beeline for him Friday morning, he feels comfortable assuming Clarke will have his back, so he ducks into her conversation with Raven Reyes and slides his arm around Clarke’s waist.

Raven’s eyebrows shoot up. “Blake.”

“Reyes.” He wets his lips, turns his attention to Clarke with an expression that he hopes somehow pulls double duty as “adoring boyfriend” to Raven and “damsel in distress” to Clarke.

It must get across some message, because her expression softens and she leans into him. “Morning, Bellamy.”

Impossibly, Raven’s eyebrows go even higher. “Bellamy?”

Bellamy goes by his last name because Mr. Hartford, their seventh-grade science teacher, misread his roster and thought Bellamy’s name was Blake Bellamy, which is, admittedly, a much more normal name. But Bellamy didn’t correct him, and no one else did either, mostly because they wanted to see how long it would go. And once you’re in the habit of calling someone something, it sticks.

He calls everyone else by last name too, mostly to remind them that Blake isn’t his name, but that’s more of a personal preference.

“Did you forget I have a real name?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m the one acting weird here.”

“I told you Bellamy and I were hanging out,” says Clarke, which he wishes he could react to but probably can’t.

“Not that you were on a snuggling before first-period basis. Did you know about this one, Miller?”

Miller goes by his last name to avoid confusion with Nate Thompson, which is a much better thing to think about than what is actually happening in his life. It’s hard to believe pretending to date Clarke beats having a conversation with Miller, but somehow here they are.

“Nope, this is news to me,” says Miller. “Is this why you’re suddenly skipping lunch?”

It’s only been a couple days, so Bellamy doesn’t feel judgement for his life choices is entirely warranted, even if he has been being fucking weird. It could have just been a busy couple of days, and Miller would have been reading into things.

At the same time, it’s not normal for them to go this long without talking, and Bellamy is avoiding him, so he has no real right to get indignant about the whole thing.

“He’s been helping me with a project,” Clarke says, smooth. “You have late lunch today, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. We should be done in a few days,” she tells Miller.

“Sorry I’ve been busy,” Bellamy adds. Miller hasn’t mentioned the letter, so maybe they can just pretend it never happened. It was clearly older, just like Clarke’s; he doesn’t date them, but the information was from just after Monty and Miller started dating. And if Miller doesn’t feel the same, he’ll probably just let Bellamy off the hook. He’s not Murphy. Or Clarke, for that matter.

“Are we still on for gaming this weekend?” he asks. “Or are you going to be too busy?”

“Saturday should be fine,” he says. Octavia will be there, so it won’t be that weird. Probably. And he can’t actually avoid Miller forever. He doesn’t want to.

The first bell rings, and to Bellamy’s shock, Clarke takes his hand as they walk to first period. It’s not a big deal, really, but it’s public and unambiguous and everyone is really going to think they’re together.

“I could use a fake relationship right now,” is how she explains it at lunch. They’re in Ms. Rodriguez’s room, since she likes them and has a free period right now.

Of course, she’s also still in the room, so that’s weird.

“Excuse me?” she asks.

“Just plotting,” Clarke says, flashing a smile. “Bellamy is having a minor crisis.”

“Why do you need a fake relationship?” he asks.

“Because everyone is convinced me and Lexa are going to be back together any day.”

“But you’re not?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I don’t know her that well,” he admits. She’s popular, maybe more popular than Clarke, but in that aloof way he associates with teen movie villains. Everyone says they like her, but she’s not that close to anyone.

Not that Clarke is a social butterfly. But he can’t help wondering how much she’d fly under the radar if she hadn’t been one of the first kids in their grade with a steady relationship, and a queer one at that.

“I like her, we’re still friends. But she’s got this–I like that she’s passionate and driven. But she can be myopic.”

“Good SAT vocab there.”

She elbows him. “You know what I mean. Have you and Miller talked at all?”

“No.”

“Would you want to date him?” She sounds curious, a little small. “If it wasn’t for the whole Monty thing.”

“I don’t know.” He pushes his hair off his face with a huff. “I think when Monty’s back, they’ll get back together. I get why they broke up, but I don’t think it’s going to last.”

“Does no one at this school understand what breakups are?” Clarke grumbles. It sounds like she’s only half joking.

“If Monty was still here, I’d say they were broken up,” he says. “But he’s spending a semester in France and he’ll be back in the spring. I’m not going to be the reason he comes home and finds out his ex really did move on.”

She winces. “Yeah, okay. But what if they’d never dated? Would you want to date Miller?”

“Who cares?”

“You sent four letters,” Clarke says. “And if they were all like mine, they weren’t love letters. They were anti-love letters. They were lists of reasons why your crushes were stupid and you shouldn’t have them. Have you ever had a crush you didn’t write to and tried to actually date?”

“No,” he admits.

“And if Miller hadn’t been dating Monty, you would have come up with another letter talking yourself out of liking him.”

“Probably, yeah.”

“And you’re pretending to date me just to get out of having a conversation with him. Can’t you just tell him it was an old letter and you’re not interested in him? Why is Miller different from me and Murphy?”

“Because I’m actually friends with Miller,” he says. “No offense, but it’s not like you and I hang out. There wasn’t much to ruin.”

“Nowhere to go but up.” She sighs. “You really want to lie to your friend about your relationship to get out of having a conversation?”

“Just until the end of the semester,” he says, even though want is a strong word. But if Clarke wants a fake boyfriend and it would help him, it’s a victimless crime.

Like Clarke said, he wouldn’t be dating Miller anyway.

“End of the semester,” Clarke agrees. “I can live with that.”

“You know I’m going to gossip about this with the other teachers, right?” Ms. Rodriguez asks, dry.

Clarke doesn’t miss a beat. “As long as it’s just the teachers, sure. We deserve it.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy agrees. “We definitely do.”

*

Fake dating someone isn’t nearly as difficult as Bellamy would have expected. If anything, in fact, it’s too easy. The biggest change is how much time he spends with Clarke, but as it turns out, spending more time with Clarke isn’t bad. When Bellamy was in middle school, he hadn’t yet learned how to disagree with people without it becoming this giant argument, but now that casual shit-talk is a hallmark of most of his close relationships, being with Clarke more is easy. They can tease each other, but they have a lot in common too, share a lot of classes, are applying to a lot of the same colleges. She hasn’t played a lot of video games, but she’s interested to learn, and she has a lot of good Netflix recommendations for him. She even gets along with Octavia, which is a minor miracle.

Then again, she is giving them rides every day. Octavia loves anyone who keeps her off the school bus.

The major miracle is with Miller, who is being so normal it’s actually a little unnerving. They hang out and play video games the Saturday after the fake relationship starts, and Miller has a lot of questions about how and why he and Clarke got together, but they had the group project they were working on that had inspired Bellamy to revisit his letters in the first place. It was easy enough to turn that into a relationship origin story, a crush that somehow didn’t go away over the summer.

And once he’s done that, Miller is just Miller again. September bleeds into October and November and absolutely nothing about their relationship is different, not even slightly.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Clarke asks. It’s a week before Thanksgiving and she’s on his couch with her feet in his lap, doing her reading. No one else is home and won’t be for hours, so there’s no even real reason for them to be hanging out, but his family will be home eventually and Clarke was bored. “The whole point was that stuff was normal with Miller.”

“I know. I’m just still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“So you bring it up. Hey, remember that weird letter I sent you? That was weird, right?”

“Wow, what a great conversation starter.”

She digs her heel into his thigh. “I’m trying to help. If you want to talk to Miller about it, you don’t just have to wait for him to start it.”

“If I mention it, he’ll think I care.”

“You do care.”

“It is weird, right? You told me about getting the letter, Murphy told me about getting it, Echo’s came back with a wrong address. And Miller just doesn’t care?”

“Maybe he never got it.”

He frowns. “Never got it?”

“Yeah. Maybe it went to the wrong address or his parents misplaced it before he got it or he lost it or something. What if Miller just never got the letter and he has no idea why you were acting weird for a week or two?”

“It wasn’t that long.”

“It really was.” She smiles at him over her book. “You got better.”

“Thanks.”

“I still don’t get what exactly you want,” she says, and it’s so quiet, like it’s this giant revelation. Like she spends a lot of time wondering about what’s going on with him. “Are you still in love with Miller?”

The answer comes quickly. “No.” He sighs. “Honestly, I don’t know if I ever was. I don’t know if I really wanted to date him. Jesus, I probably suck at dating.”

“No, you don’t.”

“We’re not really dating.”

“So, you think if we were, you’d be bad at it? It’s pretty much the same skill set.”

“There’s no pressure,” he says. “I’m not worrying about being a good boyfriend or making sure I’m paying enough attention to you or whatever. And I don’t have to kiss you.”

“Wow, you don’t have to kiss me. Lucky you.”

She sounds genuinely hurt, and he can’t blame her. “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. It’s not like–of course I want to kiss you, but I’m not, so it’s not–I don’t have to worry about being bad at it.”

“I thought you made out with that girl from debate club.”

“For ten minutes. It’s not like I got feedback. I really didn’t mean it like that,” he adds, softening his voice.

“Do you really want to kiss me?” she asks.

It had not, at any point in the entire course of their relationship since seventh grade, ever occurred to Bellamy that kissing Clarke Griffin outside of a spin-the-bottle game might have been an option. It hadn’t occurred to him he could kiss her during a spin-the-bottle game until they were there, on the floor across from each other, and she was doing her first spin. As the bottle went around, he thought, wildly, that she might kiss him, and then she did.

He’d kissed four girls that night, Clarke only once, but he’d already liked her before then. She hadn’t been his crush because she kissed him, he’d just been denying it. Giving himself reason after reason to not like Clarke Griffin, rereading them every few months, when he wanted a reminder.

He’s spent so long telling himself he didn’t have a crush on her, that it wasn’t even slightly possible. Not having a crush on Clarke Griffin was a part of his identity, a personality trait.

One he had to work very hard at. One he had to remind himself of almost constantly.

“Yeah,” he breathes, and she puts her book away and climbs into his lap.

It’s nothing like the spin-the-bottle kiss, not light or quick, no circle of kids around them, giggling at the first press of lips. It’s just him and Clarke, her mouth so warm and close, her fingers tangling in his hair, his hands sliding up under the back of her shirt, time losing meaning as their mouths slide together.

“I don’t want to be your fake girlfriend anymore,” Clarke murmurs, bumping her nose against his.

“Yeah,” he says, breathless, stupid, gleeful. “Definitely not.”

*

Octavia owns up in February, once Monty is home and he and Miller have reconciled and Bellamy has almost totally forgotten about the letters going out in the first place. He knows, of course, that his girlfriend has a long list of reasons he said he’d never date her, but it was that list that make Clarke think he might actually like her, since about half of them were things he resented liking about her and the other half were either outdated or his protesting too much.

On reflection, he was talking himself into liking Miller and out of liking Clarke, without even realizing it. It’s a miracle it ever got sorted out.

So when Octavia comes in with the box of letters, he’s not as mad as he could have been. But still, he is her brother.

“So, you lied to my face, huh?”

“Yeah,” she says, at least sounding a little guilty about it. “You would have killed me!”

“You would have deserved it.”

“Because that letter to Clarke turned out sooo bad,” she says, with a roll of her eyes.

“It could have. And that was just one letter, the one to Miller–”

“I didn’t send that one,” she says. Bellamy blinks, and she nods to the box. “Open it, it’s still there.”

It’s a little surreal, opening up the box and seeing the single remaining letter, addressed to Miller in his own blocky hand. Clarke asked him once why he’d put actual addresses on there, and he’d explained it added to the sense of closure. It made the whole thing real.

“Jesus, Clarke was right. Why not?”

“Because I wanted him and Monty to get back together, duh. I wanted you to date someone, but it was supposed to make my life less stressful because you had something to do other than worrying about me. You hooking up with Monty’s ex would have just made everything worse.”

“That was still a shitty thing to do and then lie about. You’re really fucking lucky it turned out okay.”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over how much you owe me forever for this.”

“O.”

She huffs. “Fine, I’ll never help you again. Happy?”

He puts his arm around her, gives her a squeeze. “So happy, yeah.”