#but yeah i think ill have to write some kind of essay on it or rewatch it (but i hate rewatching things)

[newdayslinguine]

Im going to finish watching twenty five twenty one tomorrow and I don’t think im ready to do that

[featherwurm]

I'm going to get a lot more personal on here than I usually do:

Baulder's Gate 3, and especially Karlach, make me feel seen in a way no price of media I've ever engaged with before has. It's a big reason why I love it and why it's sticking with me like it is. I too am a big, loud, enthusiastic woman who says out of pocket shit. I have a heavy internal dialogue with myself. I have a temper, I'm bisexual, I love cute shit. I endured years of being utterly touch starved. I love sex and food and being alive...

I also have cancer; it's Follicular B-Cell Lymphoma. I was diagnosed in 2020 when it had reached stage 3A. It's currently under control after chemo* and I'm living my life normally. But while it's a very treatable kind of cancer, it's not fully curable**. There's nothing in me they can remove (it's my whole lymphatic system that's broken) and no drug currently that can wholly knock it out. It's cause is not known (genetically or environmentally), and its unusual for this type of cancer to affect someone as young as I am (I was diagnosed at 35 - it's much more common 65+***). So every three months I go into oncology and they check my blood and symptoms and see if I'm doing ok. I get imaging and biopsies occasionally too. This will go on until I'm not ok (hopefully a long time yet). I'll have to have still manageable but more invasive treatment the next time around. It's a well researched kind of cancer, and my oncologist hopes that in the next decade there may be some more permanent cure for it.

So you can see where I'm going with this. When you hit Karlach's monologue after killing Gortash, I've never felt better understood. I have no one to blame for my condition, no revenge arc of course, but the very same fear, frustration, grief, and anger are all things my husband has heard from me. I've never seen a more beautiful and moving and real exploration of the topic that resonates with me so meaningfully out of a piece of fiction that I love. Béart's performance is amazing - capturing a whole spectrum of emotion.

Karlach's story is absolutely not incomplete as written, confirmed by both the devs and Sam Béart - a terminal condition is just that. You don't get to fix or save her, you get to go with her through tremendous trial and difficulty. If you want to continue that story in your mind that's great (I know I'm eager to do so, for my own personal encouragement if nothing else) but on it's own it's a whole story about coming to terms with something that doesn't have a quick and easy little fetch-quest resolution.

So - every time I see another whinging post/essay/bitchfest about how her story feels "unfinished" or "incomplete" or "has too much cut content" you can see why I might take it a bit personally - knowing that the life I have, the easy solutions I don't get, and the frustration and grief I live with is seen as incorrect and wrong and bad writing makes me a little pissed off. If you think the story is incomplete as told and think a 'third engine upgrade' is missing you completely missed the point.

Karlach doesn't get a simple easy ending because people like me**** don't get that either. And like my husband and the others who love me you can choose to follow that story anyway. And that's fucking beautiful.

*Yeah dealing with cancer and undergoing chemo during a pandemic was really a peach.

**XKCD hits the nail on the head here and here.

***Current treatments have good decade long prognoses... but saying 'you'll probably be fine for the next 10 years' is a lot different at 35 than it is at 65.

****And believe me I've heard from a lot of chronic/terminally ill folks who love the game for the way it represents these things and feel the same, with her Gale, and Shadowheart too.

[2hoothoots]

In all honesty, the funniest thing about this trio (lili/dogen/raz) is the context— like Lili is the daughter of the HEAD of the psychonauts, a prestigious line dating back to the founders, known for their capabilities with fern and then you have dogen who’s the son of another line of prestigious psychics concerning both ACTUAL MURDER and animal telepathy

And then you have like

Some fucking circus dude

Like Raz is a fucking prodigy in itself but from the outside view he is really just “some dude— oh wait, oh shit.” These bitches go to parties and take smug satisfaction in introducing local circus man who also saved the world

yeah, pretty much

(BUT ALSO joking aside this is kind of one of the reasons i think they thematically work so well as a trio! mini-essay under cut)

because that’s exactly it, right – Lili and Dogen both grew up immersed in this world. they’re part of it, part of the community, their families are intimately linked with the founding of the Psychonauts. Lili’s dad is the Grand Head, the boss of this organisation that Raz, meanwhile, is so desperate to join. because Raz is the outsider to all of this – he so badly wants to be a part of the action, the heroism, the community. (and also, sure, we find out in PN2 he technically has that family connection too – but he also has, uh, really good reasons not to make that public knowledge lol)

so many of Lili and Raz’s interactions in PN1 turn on the fact that Lili finds camp so routine as to be entirely boring, whereas Raz is so unashamedly passionate about everything. he’s so completely starry-eyed to get a glimpse into this world, and meet the heroes from his comic books – and his enthusiasm ends up being infectious! it’s what Lili needs to break out of her own apathy, and they start conspiring and arranging midnight rendezvous and going on this whole adventure together… and the rest is history.

i just really like how that setup – Lili and Dogen having grown up with the Psychonauts, Raz being an outsider – manifests in a unique dynamic for each of the pairs, y’know? i write Lili and Dogen as childhood friends. they’ve known each other the longest of the three, they have so many shared experiences, and i think on some level they understand each other the best because of how they’ve come from such similar places. Lili and Raz have this incredible shared passion, they hype each other up and feed each others’ senses of wonder and enthusiasm. and for Dogen and Raz – Raz is one of the only people who treats Dogen as just a person, first and foremost. he’s not cowed by his family’s reputation at all, he doesn’t have any of the baggage that so many people do when they hear the name “Boole”... it’s so unexpected and refreshing for Dogen that he can’t help getting attached!

(and not to get too deep, but it’s especially compelling to me when you consider how the game’s narrative around psychic powers is one that parallels neurodivergence, mental illness, trauma, and broad themes of “otherness”... it’s a thread i like to tease at sometimes around how communities can form, and things can bring people together and individuals can find each other and be seen in their shared experiences. it’s funny but it’s also sweet! it’s really sweet to me.)

[divinelolita]

i wanna laugh and i wanna laugh rn😪

its been so long(literally a few days) since i sent smthhh

ill boost u bae dw

AHEM

mk so the whole band(um seperate fic duh) with a bf who be freakishly nice n shit(i feel like ivd sent this bf dont expose me if i did) like if a band member accidentally hit him in the face he would say sorry and say some dumb shit like "im so sorry i shouldn't have been in the way of your elbow. " like what💀💀

or if someone was trying to confess or smth he'd be like "i really don't want to hurt you but no." maybe even as a band memeber is right next to them

and arguments with this mf is probably hell like if it was a band members fault he would accidentally make them think it wasn't and it was his(sometimes its on purpose but they figure it out later) OFC these r examples use what u want🧍🏾

BAHSBDKDBDO I CANFT STOP LAUGHING ON THE FIRST ONE

THE BAND X EXTREMELY NICE READER

teehee i have an essay to write but ummmmm that doesn't matter rn 😇 uhh also if it's bad sorry idk what's going on with me

BILL:

・He's so confused how you can be nice all the time

・He really does try to be nice but he just snaps sometimes omg 💀

・He wonders when your breaking point is

・Like if he turns around carrying something and wacks your fucking face he's so confused why you're not YELLING at him

"Yeah and then- *WHACK* -OH SHIT M/N I'M SO SORRY ARE YOU OKAY?! -"

"No, no Bill I'm fine! It didn't hurt that much."

"..what."

・He just stares at you with his jaw dropped low, slowly nodding to himself

・Or like if he knocks something over and you apologize for it

(I've done that so many times...)

・Reassures you it's not your problem 🤞

TOM:

・nahh you got him FUCKED UP bae.

・He doesn't understand how you can be so nice, I feel like he's a brutally honest mf 💀

・If your in public and somebody is being rude to you and you're just kinda standing there, still staying calm???

・He's just looking at your features trying to find ONE small piece of anger or frustration

・I feel like y'all are couple opposites.

・Like he'd obviously have a soft spot for you 🤗 but he doesn't see the reason to be nice to others when he knows it's not his fault

・Arguments with him oh my god...

・If you keep apologizing and saying it's your fault he eventually sits next to you to comfort you, assuring you everything's okay.

"It's not your fault, M/N. I promise.."

・You'd somehow warm him up a bit, he barley notices himself becoming more kind and carefree.

GEORG:

・was his color green or blue omg i can't remember

・He's...so confused.

・Like if he accidentally smacks you with his elbow and you aren't crying or cursing

"M/N? M/N ARE YOU-"

"I'm okay! It just stung for a second haha..!"

"..."

"..."

・He gets you but he doesn't.

・He just can't see himself being so giddy and happy and nice.

・Anger turns into confusion in arguments, why are you so mad at yourself?

・Loves you so fucking much though, always reminding you that you are amazing and didn't do anything wrong.

GUSTAV

・AHHHH HE GETS YOU!!!!!

・He understands you so much oh my god, he just loves you even more now.

・He'd also try to keep you from blaming yourself.

・Like if he knocks something over and you apologize.

"Oh shit I'm sorry I should have moved it-"

"No honey you're fine, I should've looked where I was going.."

・MWA MWA HE LOVES YOU

・Very slightly confused on how you never snap, how you always keep calm

・He wishes he could be like you bae 💔💔

・In arguments he just tries to calm himself and you down, actually sitting down and talking about how you both feel

OH SHITTT I NEED TO DO THAT ESSAY

[lolanoelle]

You Don’t Own Me

I was listening to You Don’t Own Me by Saygrace when this idea came to me. I hope you enjoy :)

Summary: You are disappointed that Sebastian hasn’t asked you to the Yule Ball yet when none other than Garreth Weasley asks you to accompany him. You are pleased to have a date until you overhear him bragging to his friends that he’s marking you as his.

You sat in the great hall sulking over your breakfast. You had been spending every free moment with Sebastian and there had been no shortage of flirtatious comments between the two of you, yet the Yule ball was right around the corner and he still hadn’t asked you. You never had really pushed the limit of the small flirting between the two of you, but you had still suspected that he might like you enough to ask you to the ball. Then again Sebastian was the type of person who had natural charm, so who’s to say that’s not all it could’ve been. You took a bite of your toast and washed it down with a drink of orange juice when someone had broken your train of thought with a tap on your shoulder. You turn to meet Garreth Weasley.

“Hi Y/N, I was wondering if you had a date to the ball?,” He asked, looking down at you.

“I- No I don’t,” You replied, your brows furrowing in confusion.

“Would you like to go with me?” He asked. You looked up to him in disbelief. You had always been friendly with each other but you didn’t think he would ever essentially ask you on a date.

“Um,.. yeah, sure!,” You say putting a smile on your face. You had no reason you couldn’t go with him and enjoy your time rather than be miserable about Sebastian not making a move.

“Brilliant! Ill see you there! Oh by the way, if you’re into matching, my dress robes have gold accents and I think you would look lovely in gold,” He says, shooting you a wink and walking away. Maybe going with Garreth would be a good change of pace for you. He wasn’t unattractive in the least and he was always kind. Your luck may have been changing.

You ate the rest of your breakfast and made your way to the library where you had planned to meet Sebastian and Ominis to work on your essay for History of Magic. You enter the library and go up the stairs and to a row of seats in the far back corner where you are met with the two boys.

“This is going to be the death of me. I can’t even stay awake in Binn’s class, how does he expect us to write a paper this long.,” Sebastian groaned throwing his head back in frustration.

“It would be easier without the complaining I can tell you that much,” Ominis said back in frustration.

“Having trouble already are we boys?,” You question, joining them.

“It’s hard to concentrate with him whining every few seconds,” Ominis responded.

“I’ll stop whining if you write mine, too,” Sebastian stated, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at the blonde man on his right.

“Not a chance,” He replied and you chuckled at the interaction.

“Well you’re in luck, Poppy let me borrow some of her notes. She’s brilliant so we should have no trouble finishing up these papers with her help,” You state, pulling out her notes and setting them in front of you three.

“I need to buy that woman her own puffskein for all that she does for us,” Ominis stated.

“Agreed,” Sebastian replied, taking the notes in his hands and looking over them. He rested his arm on your shoulder and flipped through the pages.

“I’ve actually been meaning to ask her to the ball, maybe a puffskein would help me in that department as well,” Ominis pondered.

“I say you’ve got a good chance regardless Ominis,” You reassured him.

“Do you two have any plans for the ball,” He questioned as his face turned a slight shade of pink.

“Actually, someone did ask me and I agreed to go with him since its only a week away and I didn’t already have a date,” You say looking down at your essay to avoid eye contact with Sebastian.

“Who?!” Sebastian questioned suddenly turning towards you.

“Uh, Garreth actually asked me during breakfast,” you reply scribbling down some more of your essay.

“Weasley?!,” Sebastian looked at you with shock and horror written all over his face.

“I don’t know any other Garreths, do you?” You respond slightly annoyed.

“He’s got to be up to something, he barely talks to you. Why would he ask you to the Yule ball?” Sebastian continued.

“Oh is it so hard to believe that someone would want to go to the ball with me?,” You bite back, getting angrier by the second at his reaction.

“I just cant believe you said yes to that prat,” He quipped back.

“Well I didn’t see anyone else asking me,” You spit out, yanking Poppy’s notes out of his hand and making your way to leave the library. You couldn’t believe his nerve. How dare he question Garreths motives. Did he really see you as so undesirable that he couldn’t believe you had gotten a date? You angrily made your way back to your common room and up to your room. You shut the door and plopped yourself on your bed and started to release tears of anger as you replayed the interaction in your head.

Sebastians POV

Sebastian sat in the library dumbfounded after Y/N stormed out. He knows he may have been a little out of line but how could she be that mad at him over something so trivial as her date to the ball.

“That was smooth,” Ominis said, breaking the silence.

“Oh piss off,” Sebastian replied.

“Don’t start with me. You should have asked her by now if you didn’t want her to go with anyone else,” Ominis stated matter-o-factly.

“Well now that I know she said yes to the likes of Weasley, she would have definitely said no to me. We’re the complete opposite,” Sebastian retorted.

“She would have said yes to you in a heartbeat Sebastian. You two are nearly inseparable and you’re constantly flirting with each other. It takes everything in me not to throw up during your conversations.,” Ominis replied.

“Don’t be so dramatic. So I tease her a little bit and she teases back. That in no way guarantees that she would have said yes if I asked her to the ball,” Sebastian replied to his friend.

“I’m blind, not deaf. You two are disgustingly head over heals for each other. It’s your own fault you waited this long. And since I don’t want to follow in your footsteps, I am going to go track Poppy down and see if she wants to accompany me,” Ominis said gathering his things and leaving Sebastian in the library by himself. Sebastian replayed the conversation with you in his head a couple of times and mentally kicked himself. He let out a frustrated sigh and knew that he owed you an apology for being such an prick. He got up himself and made his way to his own common room. He decided he would go to the undercroft after dinner, knowing that you would likely go there out of habit afterwards.

Y/N’s POV

You had just finished dinner and made the familiar route to the undercroft. You wanted to let out some steam and decided that the practice dummy would do for now. You entered and starting casting spells at the dummy until it was on the ground, looking worse for wear. You stood there looking down at it when you heard the entrance open and turned around to meet Sebastian. He made his way over to you slowly.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I never should have said those things to you in the library. Any guy would be lucky to go the the Yule ball with you.,” He said, holding out a box of exploding bon bons as a peace offering.

“If you hadn’t brought the bon bons, I wouldn’t have forgiven you,” You say taking the treat from him. You couldn’t stay mad at him when he looked at you with those dreamy eyes. You hated how fast he could win you over.

“Well I’m glad I made the trip to Honeydukes since they worked in my favor,” He chuckled. You sat on the ground and opened them up and offered him one as he sat next to you. You spent the rest of the afternoon talking and practicing your dueling with each other until you were both tired. You mutually decide to make your way to bed for the night and resume your work on your History of Magic essay in the morning. As you exited the undercroft, you heard a booming voice from around the corner.

“No one is going to be able to take their eyes off of me at the ball with the arm candy I’ll have. I’ll be marking her as mine and everyone will be jealous that I got to the notorious Y/N before they did. I’ll be the talk of the ball,” Garreth bragged to his group of friends rather proudly. You stop in your tracks and look at Sebastian. You were seething with anger. You listened to him go on and he seemed to see you as an object rather than a person. You were about to step around the corner and make your presence known when Sebastian stopped you. You could hear Garreths voice trailing away and you looked at Sebastian with an angry look. As soon as he was out of earshot you started on a rant.

“Arm candy?!? And marking me as his?!! Who does he think he his?!,” You say as your face heats up in frustration.

“He’s such a git. I should kick his teeth in,” Sebastian said with a disgusted look on his face.

“Well I guess you were right in a way, he did have an ulterior motive to asking me to the ball. I guess I don’t have a date.,” You responded, obviously hurt.

“Well, this might be bad timing, but I actually did want to ask you myself if you would go with me,” Sebastian said bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. Butterflies erupted in your stomach at the confession. Your furrowed brows relaxed and a smile broke out on your face.

“Of course I’ll go with you dummy, that’s what I wanted in the first place,” You said, looking down at your hands nervously.

“Then I guess its a date,” He said shyly. You felt giddy at the idea. Then Garreth came tumbling back into your mind.

“I guess I better break the news to the slimy bastard,” You say.

“Actually, don’t. Act as if everything’s fine. He wanted to put on a show at the ball, lets put on a show, except it will be as his expense,” Sebastian stated with a smirk on his face. You couldn’t refuse him and decided to go along with his plan.

Over the next week, you had kept in touch with Garreth and assured him that your plan was still in place. In his mind, you were wearing a gold ball gown and meeting him in the great hall to accompany him. He had bragged to everyone about his date to the dance. You had even had girls come up to you gushing about how cute of a couple you and him would make. None of them knew what you really had in store.

The Yule Ball was tonight and you were getting ready. You had decided on a silk sage green gown that would complement Sebastians dress robes nicely. It hugged your figured at the top and slightly flared out at the bottom. It was completely different than the dress you had described to Garreth. Your thoughts then moved to Sebastian and the reaction he would have to your dress. You were giddy at the idea of being Sebastian’s companion for the night. You were also nervous as the same thought. You had had feelings for him since you met him in your fifth year and were finally getting the shot you had wanted. You made your way to the great hall and found Sebastian outside waiting on you. When his eyes met you, they visibly widened.

“You look absolutely beautiful,” He said staring down at you. You blushed at his comment.

“You look pretty good yourself,” You responded as he held out his arm to link with yours. You obliged and made your way into the great hall.

“Sallow, who’s the unlucky woman to be attending with you,” Weasley himself commented as you both walked in. He looked over at you and his eyes looked like they were going to shoot out of his head. ,” What are you doing with him Y/N”

“Turns out Sebastian needed some arm candy of his own and I thought what kind of friend would I be if I denied him that honor. I mean with me on his arm, he’ll be the talk of the ball, right Garreth?,” you respond smirking. His face turned bright red, obviously embarrassed. His friends behind him looked guilty as well and you walked past them chuckling with Sebastian.

Throughout the evening, you and Sebastian danced and had a magnificent time. They had been playing more upbeat music so that everyone could get out their pent up excitement for the dance. You had both decided to take a break and sat down to get a drink. You were sitting at a table with Ominis and Poppy and you were all laughing together. The last song of the night was announced and the band switched to a slow tempo. Ominis and Poppy got up to dance together. Sebastian stood up beside you and your heart started beating a little faster.

“May I have this dance?,” He asked smiling widely, holding out his hand. You graciously accepted and stood up to join him. You were closer than you had been all night and you were sure that Sebastian could hear your racing heartbeat from your nerves.

“I’m so glad Garreth messed up his chance with you so I could bring you instead,” He whispered looking down at you.

“I am, too,” You responded quietly looking into his eyes. He took your joined hands and placed them on his chest, his other one still on your waist and your other on his shoulder.

“I’m just sorry it took me this long at all to take you on a date,” He confessed, watching for your reaction.

“I almost didn’t think you felt the same way honestly,” You responded.

“Oh sweetheart,” He said reaching up to brush some hair behind your ear,” How could I not.”

His hand rested on your cheek and your ran your hand from his shoulder to the back of his hair. You both glanced down to each others lips and slowly leaned in, meeting in the middle to connect your lips. This was the perfect ending to the night that you had wanted for a while now. You couldn’t be happier at the events that had played out.

*The dress below is the dress I imagine Y/N wearing to the ball.

[sciderman]

Being told Daniel Ways Deadpool is just a crazy™ idiot from a looney tunes show just to read it (for a third time, now as an adult, after seeing something past the first two issues) and see that while YES, Wade is crazy™ in the book, to the point of just randomly having halucinations and a second voice (whitch both still kinda piss me off, because while NOW it's supposed to be Madcap, back then it was just kinda offensive), he was also a pretty fucking smart individual, to the point of tricking everyone on a bunch of occasions, that whole scene of him alone on a boat after killing a shark, his sometimes dark and kinda depressing inner thoughts, it was just kinda a shock.

And while Wades jokes don't always land for me, the book actualy got me to laugh a bunch of times, while the portrayl of mental illness outside of depression is out-dated and offensive, at least he wasn't JUST a crazy idiot, and Medinas art for Wade is so good imo.

(Also the Bullseye arc was so fucking fun, with the look into Wades backstory, the more and more cartoonish violence, the art, the jokes, the pay-off at the end of the story too)

do we think that the white box is something inherently offensive? because i mean - i write wade with the white box. it's not related to madcap - it's something that's part of him - but i don't think it's anything that isn't just, part of any human – the voice of self-doubt that makes you question your worth. the intrusive voice in your head that makes you fall into destructive habits – i think it's something very real (for everyone) but it just manifests in different, more extreme ways for someone who's been through as much as wade wilson. (that's why peter has red, too. peter has his own boxes of self-doubt.)

i think there's a lot to enjoy about way's run. i love the boxes, and i think they're something that sets wade as a character that's kind of unique. yeah, it wasn't exactly handled in the most sensitive way in regards to proper representation of mental illness, but – i think it's a huge loss that it was erased. because wade could be such an interesting, unique representation that you don't normally see taken in a sympathetic and likeable light. you always see these sorts of disorders as something terrifying - something only in horrors and tragedies - you don't see it manifested in the characters you're meant to root for. the characters who are striving to do better.

i think white box was such an interesting device that gave deadpool a unique voice - gave us an in into his head - kept an entertaining dialogue going with wade even when there were no other characters present - and gave us opportunities for comedy in unexpected places. and i honestly kind of feel like it's some sort of erasure to get rid of those boxes, and make wade just like every other marvel character. i think a writer who's sensitive and creative could do something so, so interesting with those boxes.

i miss you, wade's boxes. i could write an essay on thi

[fluffypotatey]

hey u know how mk only calls wukong by his title and never his name? and how wukong rarely if ever calls mk "mk," instead usually opting for "kid" or "bud?" and how both of those things are kind of representative of their relationship and how both of them care about each other a lot but they aren't honest with each other or with themselves about the other and how neither of them really wants to confront the fact that the other is a person with flaws and struggles? haha yeah <- normal <- lying about being normal

be glad i have been released from class now :) [narrator: she would later find herself late to her 2nd class while writing this]

so happy you have given me this excuse to talk about— i mean, yes! it is super normal to be thinking about this all the time and be comsumed by it and let me explain why:

i will start by going off on a tangent about names and labels and their narratove importance in stories because i love them and have a problem. (idk the word count here. viewer discretion is advized. i just wrote. it is long. beware)

In the Case of Names: a Sunburst Duo Essay

by Yours Truly <3

In the Case of Names in LMK: a Summary (please for the love of pete be a summary)

Ok, so, let me give y'all a quick overview (i failed. this is you're only warning. i failed, and this became a monster of an essay. run while you still have the chan—) of names in the literary sense. When studying novels and books and shit in your literature classes, you will notice that your professor might discuss the importance or ill-importance of characters' names in the story. For example: in the classic novel Fahrenheit 451, the protagonist's name is fucking Guy Montage to illustrate how he's just some fucking guy, a John Doe, a man stuck and complicit in the dystopian world.

You get me? No? Sorry, you want more examples? Fine then :3 let me introduce you to a story called Hard Times by Charles Dickens. It is an allegorical novel that criticized the utilitarian movement going on in dear old Great Britain in the 19th century thanks to the Industrial Revolution. Some fun characters were Johannes Bounderby and Thomas Gradgrind. Tell me, what images did you imagine when I gave you those names? Did you think of a bouncing ball for Bounderby? Were you imagining something square or maybe a mechanical grinder for Mr. Gradgrind?

Remarkable isn't it. The way choosing a name has on a reader/audience's perception of the character. Names are not just placeholders for a character. Names are the identity of that character. Names can establish their starting arc or their ending. Names can be visual in the sense that they invoke a strong idea of what a character might resemble or what themes they will present the audience with. Removing a character's name also removes their identity.

Remember that.

Anyway, I have talked enough about names in the general literary sense. Let us move on to LMK.

Given that this show is based off of Journey to the West (JTTW), many of the names of the antagonist are already provided, and their English translation is pretty literal (Demon Bull King, Lady Bone Demon, Red Son) with some exceptions (Jing & Yin, the Gold and Silver Demons), but their names all provide a description of what they are and how they should be viewed. Spider Queen is a spider demon and views herself as queen. Pretty solid characterization there. Lady Bone Demon, she's a bone demon and has enough rank to be considered a lady (or that could just be to ID that she is a woman but eh). Princess Iron Fan: she's a celestial princess and wields an iron fan. Got it? Good. These examples are simply here to show that a majority of the JTTW antagonists are still fulfilling their roles as antagonistic characters. What I mean is this: since "A Hero is Born," MK has been fighting against the Monkey King's old enemies from the JTTW book. It's like the moment MK inserted himself into the role of successor, the antagonist themselves were inserted to redo their old role of fighting the "Monkey King." It's almost as if nothing has changed beside the fact that their new op enemy is a "human" wielding the legendary staff.

[hmmmm, wait i actually never put this into words until now and it's fitting very well with the whole "MK's fight against Fate/the Narrative" but we'll just put a pin in that.]

However, when it comes to MK's friends (Pigsy, Tang, Sandy, Mei), they all share different names from their reincarnated/ancestral counterparts (Zhu Bajie, Tang Sangzang (they just give Tripitaka a last name lol), Sha Wujing, and Ao Lie). Their identity is separate, distinctive from who they are meant to reflect to the audience. (But look at how Tang still shares the same 1st name to the blessed monk, see how he's the one whose powers are the most similar, see how he being pulled into the direction of emulating the monk, see how much Tang fights it, see—)

Fascinating huh? But let us move on before I forget myself.

In the Case of MK's Names: a Paragraph (DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT GO OFF THE RAILS)

So, in the English version, there is a running gag about how MK's "real" name is long and complicated, and we don't actually know it. All we know is that MK switched it long before the pilot. And even before MK has that talk with Master Subodhi in s4ep7 (or 6? 8?), I would chuckle at how on the nose his name was. MK the Monkie Kid... how silly of the show writers....ahaha, what a funny little decision to make :)

Do we know why MK changed his name? Other than his original one being long, no. Do we know why MK specifically? We don't know. Maybe, in his fanboy brain for all things Monkey King, MK thought it would be cool to have a name that identified close to his idol. A name that identified with someone he wished to emulate and be as powerful as and felt so connected to. But what do I know? I am a mere local gal who feeds off of metas and theories and all things relating to my beloved sunburst duo.

Then, we have MK's many titles: Monkie Kid (IDs him as the new generations Monkey), Successor (IDs him as the one who will succeed Sun Wukong in both the title of Monkey King and power), Noodle Boy (pronounced "New-dle Boi and IDs as the boy who works in his surrogate/adopted dad's noodle shop), Delivery Boy (his actual job for the noodle shop), and last but not least, Harbinger of Chaos.

What makes a harbinger? What is chaos? What are their intentions? Are they good? Bad? Neutral?

So, I've already defined harbinger before and many others have as well, but to sum up: a harbinger is a being/person/thing that announced the coming of something be it good or bad but most of the time the focus is bad. A "Harbinger of Chaos" then, would be the one to announce the coming of Chaos™️ and the disruption of world order. Is this a bad thing? Well, the show presents it at the moment as so, but that doesn't mean it will be. Honestly, the show has shown order and fixed structures more in a bad light and promotes free will and choosing a destiny that fits you as the good thing 👀 (another thing to pin in the MK might to go war with Fate)

But now I have established MK's names and must shut up and move on before I no longer can.

In the Case of Sun Wukong's Names: some Paragraphs (STAY ON TARGET PLEASE)

I will admit that my knowledge of names in China is very low, and by low, I mean I know nothing (most of what I do know comes from asking friends and informational sites). So, let me begin this segment with an excerpt of Sun Wukong gaining his name from the book itself :) and break it down with my interpretation and how that is applied to LMK.

When the Patriarch heard this, he was secretly pleased, and said, “Well, evidently you have been created by Heaven and Earth. Get up and show me how you walk.” Snapping erect, the Monkey King scurried around a couple of times. The Patriarch laughed and said, “Though your features are not the most attractive, you do resemble a pignolia-eating monkey (husun). This gives me the idea of taking a surname for you from your appearance. I intended to call you by the name Hu. If I drop the animal radical from this word, what’s left is a compound made up of the two characters, gu and yue. Gu means aged and yue means female, but an aged female cannot reproduce. Therefore, it is better to give you the surname of Sun. If I drop the animal radical from this word, what we have left is the compound of zi and xi. Zi means a boy and xi means a baby, and that name exactly accords with the fundamental Doctrine of the Baby Boy. So your surname will be ‘Sun.’�� When the Monkey King heard this, he was filled with delight. “Splendid! Splendid!” he cried, kowtowing, “At last I know my surname. May the master be even more gracious! Since I have received the surname, let me be given also a personal name..." ..."You will hence be given the religious name ‘Wake-to-the-Void’ (wukong). All right?” “Splendid! Splendid!” said the Monkey King, laughing. “Henceforth I shall be called Sun Wukong.”

What a fucking cutie <3

So, what can we gather from this excerpt? Sun Wukong just gained his official name. No longer is he a monkey with descriptive titles, no longer is he a monkey without a surname to be referred to as and respected for. He now has both a surname and a personal name. And while I don't fully understand everything Master Subodi listed when naming Sun Wukong, it is important to note the importance of it and how happy Wukong is to receiving it.

Before this, the book would simply refer to Wukong as Shihou (stone monkey) or the Handsome Monkey King. Both of these are descriptive titles that just inform you what Wukong is rather than who, just like with the other demons met in JTTW. But now, we get to know him as Sun Wukong, someone more than his titles and such. There's even an explanation in the preface how Wukong's own personal name has significant meaning or relation to Buddhism, but I won't get too much into that since my knowledge is of that is 0 and I want to try and stick to LMK.

Now then, let us examine Wukong's name in the LMK sense. Literally everyone in the show call him either Monkey King or "simian" (and if he really pissed them off, Sun Wukong). The only people to refer to Wukong by his personal name is Nezha, Macaque, and Peng. It is literally just these three. And while we could argue all say it like "Wukong (derogatory)," I believe Peng's the only one who means it. Meaning, I think Macaque says Wukong because he was the closest friend of SWK, thus that's the only name Macaque would ever call him (sure, he said Monkey King and shit in s1 but that was when he was duping MK soooooooo). Nezha calls him Wukong because after the whole Havoc in Heaven and journey stuff, he is the new oldest member to befriend Wukong and not be enemies with him (yes, he will get annoyed and aggravated by him, and he will not always believe Wukong's intentions are great, but he still cares and is his 2nd closests living friend).

Peng, on the other hand, does not give a shit. I fully believe that guy never cared for Wukong. They only joined the brotherhood because of Azure (they even offered for Azure to be the brotherhood's leader). I do not think Peng cares for formalities when it comes to people they dislike. We could argue that maybe Peng cared for Wukong in the beginning, but I do, honestly, not believe it. The only reason Peng even felt betrayed was because it messed up Azure's plan. Not because the two were sworn brothers.

But yeah, very few characters actually call Sun Wukong by his name, and when they do, it establishes not just how close they are/were, but also how long they've known each other. It's the same thing with how Wukong refers to others. He barely calls Pigsy, Tang, and Sandy by their names. He will give people nicknames and shit just to place a safe distance from them because of his own very unhealthy attachment issues.

In the Case of MK and SWK's Names for Each Other: the Actual Sunburst Duo Essay (you are free now.....)

Speaking of attachment issues, let's talk about the Sunburst Duo and how much these two need to sit down and talk.

So, we have discussed how names are integral to identifying a character's purpose, thematic journey, description. We have discussed how a person's title can clue in on certain characterization, present or future, and how they demonstrate the way others view them. Now let us apply this to our beloved sunburst duo.

As mentioned in your ask, @gumy-shark, both MK and Sun Wukong barely call each other by name (MK never has as far as I am aware, and SWK has done so only a few). It's "Monkey King" from MK and "kid," "bud," "buddy" from SWK. Rarely do the two ever think to say each other's name.

In the beginning, I originally thought MK only calls Wukong "Monkey King" as a way to be respectful, and with Wukong, I assumed he called MK "kid" simply because MK was very young to him. However, as we get into s3, and especially s4, MK and Wukong have grown a lot closer. Neither of them see each other as just a mentor or student but as friends. And yet, they cannot seem to stop calling each other by their title or nickname.

Thus, the distance is still there. S3 ends with Wukong promising to do better as a mentor and be more honest with MK, and we do seem him attempt this. He gives out more praises, he's more open about his feelings and then gets sucked into the memory scroll. But here's the kicker: the two are doing a reverse in their dynamic.

When it starts out, it is Monkey King who establishes the line between the two. He will simply be MK's mentor and teach him all the kid has to know in order to succeed him. MK is ecstatic to even be near SWK. This is his idol, the guy he's had a special interest in for years probably. He now gets to train under the Monkey King. He wants to do good. He wants to kickass. He wants to be just like him.

But as the story goes on, we see SWK open up to MK more and care for him deeply and want to protect him, and we see MK uncover the skeletons in SWK's closet and feel so alone and learn that the power he used to wish for is not what he expected. And in the aftermath of s3, it is now SWK who is opening up and trying to help kindle and safely guide their friendship in a healthier path(ish). It is SWK who is placing his own protege on a pedestal because "loook at him! isn't he so great and powerful! he will help this world a lot more than i did". It is SWK who is disregarding th original rules he placed. But now ,it is MK who is keeping the distance more than SWK. It is MK is trying to force some kind of distance. He feels like he shouldn't burden SWK with his doubts and worries. He is terrified of his own powers and their capabilities and worries his actions will make the same mistake as his mentor.

With s3 and s4, SWK has called MK by name quite a few times. Especially in s4. It's not a lot, but it's definitely more than before. And yet, MK cannot call Wukong by name. Personally, I think he might still feel like he's under Wukong's shadow. As his successor, there is a legacy that he will carry when Wukong actually retires and gives his title to MK (which is what I assume Wukong will do??? It is still unclear what exactly MK's succeeding SWK of). And that legacy is quite the burden. I would not be surprised that MK is unable to place himself as being worthy of taking Wukong's place just yet (if ever).

This guy was his idol for a long time. And with that, you tend to place a high pedestal for those people. MK has given Wukong such a high pedestal, and Wukong is very aware of it. It's why the guy even keeps his distance in the first place, and why he's scared to disappoint him. But, MK has learned so much, has been told of the tales and pain his mentor inflicted on others in the past (a past SWK greatly regrets), and yet cannot find it in himself to lower that pedestal or even allow himself to think about it. Because if he does, then he will have to acknowledge his own pain and his own disappointment in someone he not only admires but has come to love like family. And it is very hard to reckon with the hurt and pain caused by someone you consider family.

So yeah, they are silly monkeys who cannot communicate to save their life and need to just sit down and talk or else this will continue to boil and explode and we'll have a SWK and MK showdown (fuck yeah! i will be crying so hard).

[end of essay]

[justanotherhh]

Hi! Love your blog! I have a question:

Maybe it's because I listen to a lot of crime podcasts, but I have never associated psychopathy with being aro and/or ace (despite or maybe because I'm on the aroace spectrum myself?). Is this one of those things where there are people out there equating – I imagine especially aromanticism – with being emotionless? I feel like I've mainly heard the – also horrible – comments of aroace people being "like robots". Then again, I'm not "fully" aroace, nor have I had the need to be super open about it, so I don't pay much attention to this stuff.

Anyway, while I agree that calling Alastor an "evil psychopath" is simplifying things something that frustrates me in parts of the Hellaverse fandom in general....or just fandom in general, tbf...I don't think considering him to be on the ASPD spectrum is incorrect?

Enough rambling and onto my main question: in your opinion, should I always clarify that when I call someone a psychopath and that person also happens to be aro and/or ace, that the two things are not correlated? I don't want to accidentally imply something hurtful/feed into a horrible social mentality. P.S. I want to be clear that I don't want to imply that all people with ASPD are murderers/rapists etc either. Though clearly Alastor is the former. Of course they're not. And I can only imagine how much of a struggle living with such a disorder might be.

hello hello, thank you for the questions. i shall try to be methodical and not rambly (we'll see how it pans out)

yeah there's a big ableist and queerphobic cliché around "emotionless" characters being psychopaths who don't love -- basically it's an oversimplification of psychopathy and often conflates it with being psychotic, and of course, it assumes a correlation both between psychopathy and being evil, and being aspec -- especially the kind that's further down the end of repulsed and loveless and aplatonic -- as being evil (with "love" being the opposite of these things, which, tangent, do have a whooole other post on with this show, because it's done some very fun and potentially future-interesting things on love and sex)

the key here is that aro and/or ace is often never spoken of in narratives when this happens because well... people don't know wtf that is, so it's got that similar flavour to "oh well buffalo bill isn't transphobic, because actually the character isn't trans, the cisgender psychiatrist said so!" (actually... whole other thing on that too, but not on this blog... basically jame gumb is underrated and i root for them every time i watch the movie), but it's the Idea that "love makes you human, and sex is always assumed with love, and if you don't feel those things, it's a clue that you're evil, and the shorthand for that is psychopathic" -- generally the person writing this has never actually researched the words psychopath or psychotic, it's not about being interested in those concepts in characters, it's just a synonym for Bad

and yeah, the "like robots" fully ties into this -- the other side of the coin is aspec people as children, but alastor sooo far doesn't seem to be read this way, although the whole "but if he just discovers how to do Love/Touch/Sex in [insert whatever is wanted for this narrative] he'll become better" does play into some of those tropes too, that there is inherently something mentally ill about being aspec, and that being mentally ill is a sign of Badness (there really is a whole Essay i could do on this, and the general overlap between aspec-writing and trans-writing but! i will resist!), and it's about whether or not the Badness can be cured. if not, he's a psychopath, if yes, it's through normative relationship structures/fundamentally changing the character

it all comes down to actual curiosity -- hc'ing alastor as ASPD is totally fine (i also hc blitzø from helluva boss as BPD) and can open up a lot of doors for interrogation and interest, it's whether someone is using mental health as shorthand for shutting down further interaction with the character (think Psycho's "ah yes, this character is schizophrenic and has mother issues, hence why wearing women's clothing, the end"), or if this allows further play with the character, opens up potential doors, considers the character as rounded, rather than one-note. some aspec people do have a history of trauma or have personality disorders or are autistic, but is someone actually interested in exploring the rich variation of queerness within a character, or are we "explaining it away" as something that's merely a symptom (often one that is imagined to be fixable)

generally, im so into poking at villains and i think alastor is one of the juiciest characters ive had to play with in awhile, mainly because it feels like a lot of his writing is intentional and isn't me deciding to delve into the motivations of [slasher/monster/villain/etc] that doesn't actually exist in the text -- and i think alastor definitely does have some Stuff that could be unpacked from a neurodivergent and mental health perspective, even and including parts of his aroaceness

so in the end, picturing him on the ASPD spectrum and even linking that to aroaceness... I mean, totally chill. al-old-pal does have low empathy, and a pattern of reckless, violent behaviour, and fundamentally views relationships differently from the norm. im making arguments that he hasn't been able to create the kind of intimacy that works for him, except for perhaps with rosie and maaaaybe mimzy and niffty (@creepysora has had some very cool ideas of him connecting in alternate ways that work with his way of being and boundaries), but that doesn't mean he's suddenly More remorseful or empathetic about how his actions affect others

it's about whether or not one is using that as a way of minimising or pathologising aroaceness, and/or as a way of making aspec identities all about self-hatred (and that in turn fuels villainy), and/or generally as an explanation of his villainy as some inherent degeneracy, and/or using the word "psychopath" to mean something completely different from what it actually is... that's when we get into sticky territory

and in the end, it can be hard -- something that's perfectly reasonable to one person, could be crossing a boundary for someone else and we just have to live with that, so don't wait on my blessing, i just think as long as one's caring and curious it's heading in the right direction. i watch a lot of horror, and i can usually recognise when something is well-meaning and something is lazy, and even times when it's the latter i can still find enjoyment (think angela from sleepaway camp -- on the flipside the movie they/them was well-meaning and a complete miss in its final political statement)

i recognise also im bringing up a lot of trans villainy as-example, rather than aspec villainy. that's a. because my special interest is trans horror so go figure and b. because that overlap is soooo real

(another example, not horror unless you're a karate kid 3 truther, is the character terry silver, who is never stated to be aromantic, but whose villainy on the later show cobra kai is intimately tied to an unspecified madness that includes low empathy and... no love, vs all the happily monogamous (het) relationships around him. he's not aromantic, he's not diagnosed with anything, it's not of interest to the story that he may be mentally ill or have PTSD or be aro and possibly loveless or that he may be gay -- because yes, he's coded that way too and that overlap is also real, and a whole other tangent i could go on -- it's just subtext to add to the villainy)

now another tangent, but loosely connected: was reading a transcript of the 1974 TS/TV conference (the first of its kind that was organised in the way it was) -- a series of talks over the course of a weekend discussing trans rights, especially in healthcare, and it fully contained a section of someone saying that "true" transsexuals can be recognised because before they physically transition (into binary genders)... they're asexual. because they hate their bodies so much that they can't feel sexual attraction to others. lot to unpack there, but really in this little conversation as example, what i mean is that the roots of pathologising aspec identities run very very deep, including within the wider LGBT+ community, and since alastor is quite a complex character that has done some very bad things, it's worth really thinking about what headcanoning him as one way or another says about the character for oneself. what does it add? what does it potentially demonise or minimise? what does it allow?

the neat thing about hellaverse is the sheer amount of queer characters meaning we can go beyond "if x character is Bad this represents Every person within this group" but with alastor being (so far) the only character who's not doing the whole love-and-sex game (although i think striker counts in this as well, personally + listen... sir pentious givin' real demi vibes. and if we're looking for a link between trauma and asexuality, well, angel is right there. and, and, and...), it does bear going the extra length to learn about -- especially since a lot of people really don't know that these biases even exist in the first place, which leads to a lot of unthinking perpetuating

i think a good place to start would honestly be: "would this feel like a queerphobic and ableist coding if the character were gay? trans? bi?" not because we're totally over queerphobic writing in general (lol, can you imagine), but as a starting point: are we treating aspec identity in text in a way that makes the idea of being aspec in and of itself degeneracy?

but like. hell yeah villains. hell yeah neurodivergency, mental illness, low empathy, lovelessness, unhealthy coping mechanisms, Bad Mean Queers, cannibalism, and characters you just can't quite suss out. big into a fucked up little guy

how did i do on the ramblyness

[saturdaynightspecialpresentation]

I've finished the main story of Fallout 3 (But not Broken Steel) and it's bad, but in a way that I find extremely confusing and just need to talk about.

Giant essay (And some spoilers) under the cut.

First of all, I feel like the received wisdom is that the east coast games are the bad ones and the west coast games are the good ones, which is true but it means that people really exaggerate the flaws of the east coast games while minimizing and excusing those of the west coast games.

Like, in the HBomberguy video on Fallout 3 he spends a lot of time on how much the intro of Fallout 3 sucks but like...

I'm sorry, compared to Fallout 1 and Fallout 2?

Fallout 2, which has one of the most obnoxious, hated, and ill-conceived tutorials on video game history?

There's a sort of refusal to meet Fallout 3 even halfway in that video, but if we approach Fallout 1 and 2 with the same attitude, *they also look really bad*.

Fallout 1 doesn't really have a tutorial, but it does have a cave full of rats.

I think it took me until my second or even third playthrough of Fallout 1 to realize that you could actually go into Vault 13 and talk to people inside. The game does not give you, the player, any reason to be attached to Vault 13, to the point that I literally did not even think of it as a location in the game.

You're getting the water chip because that's the plot of the game, not because you have a sense of Vault 13 as a concrete place.

The Temple of Trials in Fallout 2 is just a mess, yeah there's like one dude you can get past with a speech check, great, but I hope your weedy speech and guns character likes killing giant ants with a spear that you don't know how to use.

And of course, within the reality of the game it's utter fucking nonsense, that this village on the verge of collapse also built this enormous stone temple full of traps and puzzles and mechanisms just to train people how to leave the village.

It's one of the most egregiously terrible tutorial levels in RPG history.

Meanwhile, the intro to Fallout 3 shows you what it's like to grow up in the vault; you meet actual characters, you get a sense of both the ways that your character is safe and pampered, but also that she's trapped with these people, not all of whom are likeable or even necessarily entirely safe to be around.

Then, her comfortable life is suddenly exploded, she can't rely on the vault and has to make a daring escape, and it ends with an expansive vista acting as a contrast to the narrow corridors of the vault, as a world of possibility and danger opens up before you.

Look, maybe it needs to be edited down to be shorter, rewritten a bit, but conceptually this is a much better, more immersive way to do a tutorial than either of the first two games.

Unlike 1, I spent most of the beginning of Fallout 3 thinking about when I'd have enough footing to go back to my former home and confront the Overseer, and then when I did it turned out I was ridiculously overpowered, which was thematically actually really great! It felt like my character had grown bigger from her experience than even she realized and steamrolling these absurd, small vault people really brought that home in a satisfying way.

Compare to Fallout 1 and 2, where the home your character grew up in is just kind of a meaningless macguffin.

I don't want to paper over the major flaws of the tutorial or of Vault 101 in general; there's some major, even crippling flaws in execution.

But even with those it's still the best intro out of the three games.

My point is more, because Fallout 2 is a generally better game than 3, people sort of excuse major flaws in 2, while ignoring the things that actually work and make good sense in 3.

Which brings me to my main point:

What the hell happened to the writing process in Fallout 3?

Yes, it's bad, but it's bad in the way of like... a cake that got taken out of the oven ten minutes earlier than it should have.

The fact that it's just the story of Fallout 1 and the story of Fallout 2 at the same time is an issue, but more of the same, particularly after a long hiatus between games, is not the worst sin in the world.

The real question I have is why does it feel so unfinished? It's like the sketch of a plot that they were going to finish later.

Like, here's a small example:

President Eden never explains why he wants to use the FEV to kill everyone off.

Here:

"I know this solution may seem extreme to you, but the truth is, we are losing to the super mutants. There are more of them every day, while we are losing soldiers to attrition, to desertion, even, I am afraid to say, despair.

"Morale is low, you've already seen that Colonel Autumn is actively countermanding my orders; unless something drastic is done I truly feel America will be no more.

"This is not a decision I make lightly; Yes, there will be some collateral damage, but such is the nature of war, and I will not fail to act while there is still a way to save America.

"This is the burden I must bear as your President."

Done. Easy.

So incredibly easy that I genuinely don't understand why a line like that isn't in there.

And it's really easy to imagine Colonel Autumn's objections, too, but those also aren't spelled out.

Like, what if Colonel Autumn truly wants to use the Purifier as a water purifier but because of his jingoism he just feels that anybody else taking command is a risk to US security, and that violence is the only language that wastelanders understand.

Maybe President Eden even tries to negotiate with your dad on peaceful terms, but Autumn just tries to use force and the situation escalates and your dad still dies.

And then later you find out that Eden is planning to kill off 90% of the wasteland and as Autumn has realized that he's trying to stop it, and you have to deal with the fact that Colonel Autumn is both a cold-blooded killer and actually trying to help people.

Like, I am barely moving any of the pieces around. The bones of this story are already here.

And that's a really bizarre thing about playing this game: at all times it's really clear how you would use the exact same characters and plot elements to tell essentially exactly the same story in a much better way than it is actually told in the game.

There are a ton of cases where characters don't really explain their motivations even though, like, 15 seconds of thought let's you come up with a perfectly plausible motivation which could be expressed in a couple of lines of dialogue.

It's just kind of baffling. This is not an ill-conceived game, although all of the ambition is in building the 3d world, and the story is just... weirdly neglected.

Just retelling the first two games again is an unambitious choice but... there's already an extremely clear roadmap of how to tell those stories in a satisfying way, so it's really perplexing to me that they don't really manage it.

I'm curious what happened with the writing process here, it's bizarre.

[transmutationisms]

could you talk more about catholicism vs protestantism in succession? I think roman accidentally buying the protestant football team instead of logan’s catholic team is super interesting

yeah the hearts/hibs mixup is a great detail. so in general i think this is a really funny level of the show. like, if you're making fun of american or british billionaires the obvious choice is to make them protestant. it's like, demographically likely, and in the american context in particular protestants have all these overt ways of reconciling their faith with capitalism and the desire to accumulate wealth. like, making money is configured as a signifier of bourgeois masculinity; it means you're productive (often implying and signified thru bodily fitness specifically, even though capitalists are ofc not the ones actually performing whatever labour is generating surplus value). catholicism is more uncomfortable generally with the open pursuit of worldly wealth, which is NOT to say catholics are never wealthy or that the church lacks wealth (it emphatically does not) but just to point out that this is a contradiction in ideals that catholics often just kind of uncomfortably ignore.

this is an undercurrent with the roys generally. they're ultrawealthy but rarely seem to enjoy their wealth all that much---like, they're comfortable and cosseted but they all have weird relationships with their bodies, food, sex, etc; also, their ways of signalling wealth are chronically uncool (their clothes) or else nouveau riche tacky (logan trying to host wine tastings or whatever that pierce make fun of him for). this also plays into how america has a relatively recent history of overt anti-catholic sentiment (like, see how people talked about jfk lmao) and combined with logan's canadian-scottish identity and lack of generational wealth, it gives him that persecution complex he retained even when he was literally one of the most powerful people in the world.

more to the point, logan has, like, the absolute worst and funniest case ever of catholic man who is uncomfortable with bodies disorder. it's tolerable if you're using your body to assert dominance in some way (pissing on kendall's floor, how logan wanted roman to say he was harassing gerri with the dick pics) but yuckydisgusting if you just like, have a body that is vulnerable or god forbid perceived by others (logan's attitude toward his illness, his disgust when it becomes clear roman was actually engaged in some kind of sexual affair with gerri---who is old and a woman and therefore also has a body). this is why it breaks logan's brain to think about shiv having affairs, and why, even though he is a misogynist, including to her, he does NOT talk about her body. it's also why he's so invested in getting roman "straightened out" and why he uses accusations of homosexuality to convey how much of a flop loser he thinks kendall is. his whole deal with masculinity is that Men Do Not Have Bodies. bodies are gross and physical, what are you, some kind of sissy? like, entire essays you could write on how each of the kids fits into this schema.

anyway, the obvious points of comparison here are the pierces (east coast blue-blood protestants), tom (germanic midwestern social striver protestant), connor's mother (american, lowbrow, implied/assumed protestant), caroline (protestant english aristocrat), and mencken (implied catholic convert, which is a whole other level). again you could write essays about this on any one of these characters, but in general the protestantism on the show is funny bc it's contrasting with logan's disgust at his body yet simultaneous desire for it to be Strong And Masc (NOT GAY!). caroline and the pierces bring out his persecution complex and insecurity about being boorish; tom is able to be "striving and parochial" partly bc he doesn't have the baggage of the roys, who are like, tormented by being wealthy in a gauche way ("how to control us news media in a god honouring way").

this is all like, peripheral obviously, but it's deeply funny also. and i do genuinely think the roys make more psychological sense when you understand that they have chart-busting levels of catholic martyr syndrome (kendall), guilt (roman), and repression (logan, shiv). even connor's "i'm like if napoleon was a us president" type beat is funnier through this lens (remember that napoleon very famously restored state relations with the catholic church after the revolutionaries had severed them and tried to found a secular 'republican religion').

with the three younger sibs in particular, this is one of the ways in which they fail to understand logan; they're aware on some level that he's catholic and were probably raised with some degree of religious practice, but it's heavily implied caroline interfered with this and the kids grew up less catholic than logan wanted, which was kinda the tradeoff for him having basically sought out an aristocratic pedigree for them. so, a misunderstanding like hearts vs hibs is a throwaway joke, but also hints at this much deeper level on which logan's kids don't get him or his priorities, and are never going to be able to respond adequately to his internally contradictory, repressed and repressive catholic-military-bourgeois standards for how they should relate to their bodies and how that affects his political worldview.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

@intertexts OKAY. FINALLY GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER AND WRITING THIS ALL DOWN SO ITS NOT JUST ROTATING IN MY BRAIN ANYMORE

NEW HAVEN WARDS MARK WINTERS ESSAY (except its more like. stream of consciousness me being insane over him)

>> its been too long, simurgh is too close. she fucking ROCKS half the city with an earthquake before she shows up. ashe runs inside as the roof collapses. his mom is trapped- she had grabbed her phone and some other small essentials and was on her way out when she got pinned by the rubble. ive typed this part out already in another post but as shes yelling at ashe trying to get him to leave, she realizes he wont go by himself so she texts mark . its kind of a shot in the dark- part of her hopes he hasnt evacuated yet so he can come get ashe and get him to safety, but she immediately feels this sense of dread for thinking like that because then that also means he's in as much danger as they are. and she can hear the singing now- some tiny part of her brain logically knows its too late and theyll be trapped by the quarantine protocols anyway, but. they can still get out of that alive. they just need to get there. anyway the important thing here is that the last thing ever hears from his wife is a text that says "ashe athome cant lea e come get hjm"

adding jonesys stupid fucking image in here bc it's so funny to me and is fr how I felt typing this whole thing up for like 4 hours

>> okay going to try my hardest to keep this chronological but i KNOW i will get distracted from that halfway through. starting from the simurgh attack. assuming simurgh attacks look pretty similar to each other, ive been imagining this a lot like the one we actually got to see with the travelers. the notice to evacuate went out in the early afternoon. (im going to say on a wednesday because thats the day i used in my fic and this is OUR AU i get to make the emotionally devastating rules. not that that matters to anyone but me. its a little treat.) so. mark was at work, ashe was at school, i like 2 think ashes mom works in somehting to do with old things or books or whatever so she was probably at work too. her IMMEDIATE thought is to go get ashe from school, because of course it is! (worldbuilding side note i think there are probably evac protocols in place for schools where. first priority is to keep the kids Togehter and get them out first so theyre SUPPOSED to evacuate straight from there and then meet up with their parents when everything is safe. but in a real emergency what parent is going to trust that and just leave their kids safety up to someone else?) she gets to the school and it is absolute chaos with all of the other parents trying to do the same thing. she gets ashe, goes to call mark to tell him where they are and- oh, yeah. she forgot her phone at home this morning. i just. like. the mundanity in that. its a normal morning, she maybe woke up late and had to rush out the door, got to work realized she didnt have her phone, had the thought like "damn thats frustrating. oh well, not like ill need it, ill just get it when im home later" we've all had days like that!!!!!!!!! but it becomes fucking heartbreaking in this situation because it means she now has No Way of contacting her husband to let him know that she has ashe and to tell him not to go to the school (because hes probably thinking the same thing) and to get out and where to meet them when theyre out. she KNOWS its a bad idea, she knows it would be catastrophic if they took too long... but all the other cars are going in the opposite direction, the road back is completely empty, surely they can be fast enough? she knows exactly where she left it, itll take two seconds and hey maybe the roads will be empty enough at that point they can get out even faster. so they fucking RUSH back home. she tells ashe to stay in the car wiht the doors locked while she runs inside.. he is scared and confused and doesnt want to be alone so after. maybe 30 seconds of her being gone he gets out of the car and goes inside.

>> switching to mark pov finally. evac notice goes out, he fucking books it to his car. but because its important to me that hes a little bit of a coward. this is where he hesitates. he knows he should find his family. meet up with them, make sure theyre all okay and they all make it out together. he's also logical. he knows this is a bad idea and his wife's job is closer to the school, shes probably already got ashe and theyre on their way out too. he can just leave. but he hasnt heard anything from her. thats not like her, she would call or something if they were okay, wouldnt she? so he kind of. panics over what he should do. he starts driving, telling himself he'll make up his mind on the road. hes about halfway to the end of the quarantine zone when he gets the text. has a moment of "fuck why are they there?" before immediately deciding to go get them. finds the aftermath of ashe's trigger. ashe is in breaker state, unresponsive except for... why is he laughing. hes sitting on the floor, knees up to his chest hands over his head jsut kind of. staring into the middle distance eyes unfocused quietly loopy laughing like hes totally unaware of the. scene.

>> mark is like. frozen there for a minute obviously horrified and he thinks ashe is having some kind of mental break at the shock and horror (he doesnt. understand that ashe killed her yet) until he goes and tries to get him to stand up and . oh the floor is unstable and bouncy like a trampoline and as soon as he touches ashe's shoulder hes knocked back by a pain in his hand that suspiciously feels like a joybuzzer turned up to 11. okay! fuck! his kid is a fucking parahuman and his wife is dead and the singing in his head just keeps getting louder and he knows what that means and he knows they have to get the hell out of there but hows he gonna do that when he cant get within 5 feet of ashe-

>> i think he just has to like. sit there and talk to ashe. which is a uniquely horrible punishment because it kills so much time in a situation where they need to get out, now, and the whole time theyre in the same room with whats left of a bloody corpse (but he cant think about that right now) and he has to be calm and keep his voice low because every sudden movement makes ashe's powers flare up again in response to a perceived threat- its MESSY, its SLOW its TERRIBLE but he needs ashe to calm down enough that he can actually talk to him and get him out. he eventually does (it feels like hours later, it was probably only like.. 10 minutes) and the weird distortions stop and mark just. runs forward and picks him up and takes him out to the car before ashe can. see what else is in the room.

>> he doesnt even bother putting ashe in another seat in the car he just holds him in his lap as he drives (oh god there are wings in the sky) just. as fast as he fucking can to whatever checkpoint or hospital or safe zone there is for any survivors. theres. not many. enough that the two of them can get lost in the crowd if they try hard enough but . not enough to fill an auditorium. he's maybe got a bunch of really small scrapes or bruises from the process of trying to get ashe to calm down but he doesnt know whether ashe is actually hurt or not so he goes to find some sort of medical attention and the whole time hes thinking "maybe this is a bad idea. i shouldnt tell them ashe has powers what if they take him away" and he gets the same sort of rundown about quarantine and payment that krouse got and mark is just standing there fucking shaking, hes still carrying ashe, he hasnt put him down since they left the house (ashe is still out of it- not because of his powers but because of. everything) and i think thats the breaking point where mark makes up his mind like. fuck this. we cant stay here, we cant go through all of the bullshit protocols, we cant wait that long (he can still hear simurgh in his head- what if shes pushing him to make this choice? is that exactly what she wants? who cares im getting my son somewhere safe)

>> i think mark is really good at. compartmentalizing and pushing down any emotion thats not anger and turning to logic in panic situations rather than emotion. so he hasnt like. fully processed any of this yet. he was more focused on "solve the problem, get out, get safe" to actually think about the fact that. oh my wife is dead. ashe doesnt have a mom anymore. ashe has powers now. how is he gonna deal with a powered kid? he never really cared about capes what does he even do now? i dont think any of this hits him until theyre out of the quarantine zone hiding out somewhere safe (as safe as they can be after. all of that) and his head is quiet and ashe is asleep and he looks down at his phone and sees the text and it all comes crashing down like. oh my god that was real. shes gone. he doesnt even have anything of hers and he never will because their house is basically gone and they can never go back and- FUCK HIM UP!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK HIM UP i want him to have a fucking breakdown . villain origin story moment he realizes nothing is ever going to be okay or normal ever again because theyve been marked by simurgh and hes already broken a huge fucking law how much worse can it get? what else does he have to lose. everything in his life revolves around keeping them safe and keeping ashe out of danger. simurgh be damned if hes going to become an agent of chaos it might as well be on his own terms to protect whats left of his family.

>> i think they move around a lot after that, never staying in one place for too long, never doing anything that make people look at them too closely. mark does a bunch of odd jobs, but its hard to get a job when youre legally dead and have no experience with making a fake identity so. theres a lot of stealing. never anything that would garner cape attention, at least at first, and if people started to get too suspicious theyd just pack up and move again.

>> and then mark does something that DOES draw cape attention. idk what it would be, but it captures the attention of. a guy who knows a guy who works for overlord. hey man you seem like you could use a job. off the books. so he joins up as like a... foot soldier mercenary whatever for overlord. this job is risky- hes essentially a full time criminal now (but what does that matter, he already broke the law), he has to spend extended periods of time away from home, he has to kill people sometimes now... but the money is worth it. he's okay with being a number, a blank face in the crowd, because it means he wont get the immediate fallout if something goes wrong. that gets put on whoever his boss is. ashe is maybe 13/14 by this point, he can take care of himself at home. mark gives himself a limit, hes never going to be away from home for more than 3 days (which he eventually extends into 5 days, which then turns into a week-). he is. really fucking good at his job. hes smart, he can be ruthless when he needs to be, he's efficient. no identity means no friends which means no slacking off on the job. this is all he has, he needs this, so hes good at it.

>> he starts to move up the ranks, take bigger (but never riskier) jobs, and it catches overlord's attention. overlord offers him a promotion. offer being in air quotes here. he lays everything out plain and simple- youre good, youre going to join my personal elite team, i know who you are and why youre running. i can offer you an out, get you and your son (oh god oh fuck overlord knows about his kid) a new life, a new identity, nobody will have any reason to suspect you. and also in order to join you have to take this (cauldron vial!!! + canon parallel to the like. forced experimentation on harttawa)

>> mark doesnt want pwoers. he doesnt want to be a cape. but overlord knows about ashe, knows about their history, and if he turns down this offer theyre both fucked. so logic takes over emotion again and he accepts it, leans into the position, stays as fucking ruthless as ever. but its Different now. hes a cape, he has a secret identity, a name, people are Looking at him now, even if all they see is a costume.

>> silly sidebar for ME here but this period of time is where he meets tide :] forever thinking about ur nhw tidalwave post. fight to maim, not kill.

>> a couple years pass like this and its Fine. ashe is 17 now, mark knows hes fucked up (theyre both fucked up) but hes too deep into this job now to give it up. its kept them safe and in place for this long, he can fool himself into believing they can stay like this . ashe does not have the same train of thought. hes lonely, hes miserable, hes bored, he just wants to have a life! they fight a lot about this. they fight a lot about this and sometimes mark leaves in the middle of it because he gets called on a job so nothing ever gets resolved. they have a particularly rough fight and mark gets pulled away in the middle of it to answer a phonecall, and when he comes back ashe is still pissed but hes just so tired and defeated that hes like "listen. we'll deal with this later, i have to go for a few days, there are groceries in the fridge, do whatever you want, just stay here, be safe, dont be stupid" and then he leaves! and ashe is still pissed and his dad is a hypocrite (why does he get to go out and use his powers and put himself in dangerous situations when ashe gets in trouble for floating the tv remote to the kitchen table while hes eating breakfast, and never gets to leave the house or go to school or have friends or-) . and this is where he makes the decision to sneak out the first time!!

>> he starts sneaking out more often, usually only when he knows mark is gonna be gone for extended periods of time, he gets good at disabling the tinker devices, he has friends!! everything is good!!!! mark finds out when he gets home from a job early and ashe is gone. and he fucking freaks out, hes ready to tear up city streets, hes ready to go on a fucking rampage... but then he hears the window open as he climbs back into his room . its a big like. "oh shit" moment on ashes part, he doesnt think hes ever seen his dad this angry before, he threatens to put bars on the goddamn windows, etc (mark has a reason to be as angry as he does- if anything ever happens to ashe everything hes ever done will have been for nothing. but its still. harsh.)

>> i think once everything cools down from this they do have an actual talk about it that isnt a fight; ashe tells him he has friends now and he just wants to be normal, be a kid, he cant spend anymore time in his room its killing him knowing hes wasting his life like this etc. i think mark maybe reluctantly agrees to letting him go out with his friends (he doesnt know who they are yet, ive GOTTA believe he knows tide hes had to have fought or at least seen the wards before, theres no way he would say yes to this if he knew thats who ashe was talking about) but gives him strict like. dont use your powers ever, curfews and check in texts and a code system and its a little Too Much but ashe is just. giddy at all of it because !! curfews are a thing Normal kids get!! he gets to go hang out with his friends without the looming threat of sneaking out to do it !!!

>> ashe starts using his powers anyway because his friends are capes and !!! he is also technically a cape!! he can help!!!! i think he starts out by beggingggg to go on patrol with them sometimes (i wont even do anything, i just want to see what its like, you guys know i have powers too i can handle myself, dont be like my dad etc etc) i think the wards are pretty reluctant to do that bc they know what its really like but. man. its ashe. he deserves Something. it becomes more frequent and serious and the prt handler tells them they should recruit him.

>> mark is sooooooo fucking against ashe joining the wards. because of course he is he has to be. ESPECIALLY considering. hey. hes a villain, working for one of the most notorious villains in the city, being put in a situation where he has to choose between fighting his son or losing overlords protection is a HUGE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO. (he would choose to say fuck overlord with no hesitation, no way he would even consider the other option, but he also knows what kind of consequences a choice like that would have)

>> hey. actually. that gives me an idea. what if thats exactly the scenario that leads up to the whole trickster thing. overlord wants to be proactive, launch an attack on the wards, they just got a dangerous new member lets go see what kind of powers theyve got. mark obviosuly refuses. overlord does not take being told no very kindly. hey what if this is how mark gets the lizard stuff. instead of getting it as a side effect mutation of his powers, he pisses off overlord, the guy who has a morbid fascination with animal human hybrids and genetic experimentation. ive solved everything!!!!!! (<< guy who is fucking insane. please imagine me with mad science hair and crazy eyes as i am saying this. dr. cross who?)

>> mark effectively goes missing while overlord has him captive, ashe is freaked out because his dad has never left without telling him first, but maybe it was an emergency or whatever... until his hard limit on jobs passes. its been over a week and no contact whatsoever. hes gone. ashe gets fucked up about this

>> mark is unconscious for the entire trickster thing. he was unmasked for the experimentation so when the heroes come to clean up the aftermath they dont recognize him as one of the villains (tide does. tide doesnt tell anyone) and take him to. a hospital rather than prison. he is fuuuucked up when he wakes up. gotta adjust to a WHOLE lot of freaky lizard things. hes kind of out of it, understandably, so nobody... tells him. its only a few days later, when mark is more lucid and can stand on his own two feet without losing balance, and when he can see properly again, tide visits him (tide has been visiting him the whole time, not that he'd remember it much, because who else will. who else will!) tide tells him ashe is missing. he breaks the news as gently as he possibly can because its gonna be a shitshow either way (he knows how mark is gonna react no matter what. waiting doesnt help either because then hes just pissed that he was lied to for days ("you coudlnt even stand, how was i supposed to tell you then?" "i dont know, i wouldve done something. he could be anywhere by now")

>> mark goes sooooo rogue. he goes so very rogue. hes literally got nothing to lose anymore. the wards try to work with him, try to help him, because theyre looking for ashe too, but he thinks theyre too slow, too good, too afraid to do things that actually need to be done. he goes too far and gets put in the birdcage.

>> i think he probably loses it a little bit in the birdcage. hardcore despair depression that turns into just this awful terrible rage. hes mad at himself for not being able to stop it, hes mad at ashe because this is what he WARNED him about for YEARS and if he only would have listened, hes mad at the world, hes mad at SIMURGH . all nhw mark winters knows is be so full of grief and rage at all times

>> breaks out of the birdcage (still insane abt this btw) and goes back on his. sort of rampage. the wards stop him (tide is. retired at this point. that happened while mark was in jail) and they try to talk some sense into him, maybe they get him to slow down just a little bit, enough to tell him what theyve learned (not much). mark and everyone else eventually learn about muse. mark winters worlds most miserable man is watching every single one of his nightmares play out in front of him and he realizes this is what simurgh marked them for. hes watching his son, unmasked, level a fucking town in some gaudy outfit he knows ashe would never wear and hes calling himself muse and thats not what his laugh sounds like and

>> okay im a little more fuzzy past this point. i said this mostly joking before but i DO think there should be a moment where. mark is up against muse and hes trying to talk to ashe like he did that first night to get him out of breaker state and ashe gets one lucid moment where he just starts crying and babbling about losing marks jacket and hes so sorry but that only lasts about 2 minutes before trickster gets control of him again. this is the catalyst for them realizing that yeah, ashe IS still in there and it might be possible to break him out .

>> god. all of that was plot and i didnt even talk about Little Things which are my favorite. heres a collection of Little Things:

>> i want him to keep his weird terrible lizard biology <3 maybe its not as smooth a transition as in canon, maybe hes just got the scales and the eye and not. the tail or infrared sense or whatever. but he Could. as a Treat for Me.

>> i actually... ironically think mark is a better dad in this au than he is in canon. like. dont get me wrong hes still awful and he sucks but. hes working with the knowledge here that no matter what he does he and ashe are still doomed and hes always waiting for the other shoe to drop and hes more scared and theres nothing he can do about it so. he makes more of an effort to Actually Care about his son. before overlord he never wouldve missed a birthday for anyhting. theyre all each other has.

>> that little bit of dialogue i typed up for mark earlier. stay here, be safe, dont be stupid. be safe, dont be stupid. he says that a lot, always in that order. enough that when ashe is with the wards sometimes he'll also say it. dakota "im going to pick up the pizza" ashe from the couch "be safe dont be stupid" (IMMEDIATE recoil as he thinks about it for more than a second because he has an oh god i sound like my dad moment. but everyone else finds it endearing)

>> THE COAT!!!!!!!! THECOAT. i think about the coat a lot. its just. a random one that ashe grabbed from the closet the first time he snuck out. but it was a good size, exactly as baggy as he likes, hey! he found old money in the pocket! so he just like. claims it as his own and neither of them ever say anything about it but its suuuuch. comfort clothing for ashe and he doesnt like thinking about why. it just is. he wears it EVERYWHERE all the time, its the one piece of clothing the rest of the wards never steal beacuse they know its important to him.

>> there is exactly one (1) surviving picture of ashes mom outside of their old house and its a crumpled polaroid mark had in his wallet from when ashe was a baby.

>> he will never admit this to himself or anyone else but. as much as mark is scared for ashe and scared for both of their safety and what it means for them to be simurgh victims... he is also scared OF ashe, even just subconsciously . he has nightmares about finding ashe that day, laughing. about what mightve happened if he wasnt able to break ashe out of that state. about what mightve happened if he had never gotten that text and continued on with the evac protocols. i need that blonde man to be fucking miserable

>> literally always thinking about your tidalwave post. never not thinking about your tidalwave post. i dont even have much to add here other than i really like nhw tidalwave a lot. the aftermath of the leviathan fight makes me crazy even if thats mostly one-sided on tides part.

>> his tinker specialty is power enhancement. he makes devices that make his and other peoples powers stronger or extend their range. the drawback is that the devices need to be Connected to the person using them in some way (thinking about the ports he has on his back in canon. his gauntlets clamp down on his forearms. overlord had him make each of the capes under his power something that enhances them too so theyve all got little. gadgets embedded in them somehow) (begs the question can he also make things that dampen powers? is this falling too far into Trump category?)

>> he got ashe his headphones as a birthday present when he was like... 15 . their fights had been getting more frequent as he had to be away from home more and ashe was fully in his angsty teen "i hate my dad" phase, but mark had been working w overlord for like a year at that point and money wasnt as much of an issue anymore so he got ashe like. the most high quality noise cancelling headphones he could possibly find.

okay i think thats all. its nearly 1am lmao!!!!!

[rassicas]

Please dont be afraid to rant longeys, i like reading super long stuff you have to say. I speak a ton myself too. If I compiled everything I've ever said on this...

Anyway, if you were forced to stick to the plot of ROTM, but were given freedom in how you would write it, how would you go about executing it?

In other words, how would you write out the story of Splatoon 3?

And if you have time, whats your penultimate opinion on the dev's decision for ROTM lore? This means stuff like Fuzzy Ooze, ORCA, Grizzco's "use," and etc.

oh thanks, tho ill say its less about me being worried about whether or not ppl will read them, and more so how much time and energy it takes to write out long stuff. for that reason i dont think i can fully answer this ask because this is an essay length question and theres a few ways i could rewrite it, either keeping the bear thing and changing up a few details, or making him not a bear. its kind of overwhelming. ill do the second one. i still think much of the foreshadowing, plot, and themes in theory could be kept intact if grizz was an inkling or octoling with a desire to fend off salmonids, a mammal obsession, and a motivation to "restore balance" to the world, with bringing back bears is a combo of all that it could start off that hes a researcher that worked with studying judd? and at some point this inkfish discovers ark polaris, an old wreckage, nothing on board survived but the remains of some of the mammals. plot carries out much of the same from there, learns about alterna and researches the crystals. the fuzzy ooze is made using the DNA of dead bears from the ship...or from a sample embedded in an old bear pawprint. the fuzzy ooze and it kind of takes over his body and mind in a way and leads him to being totally insane about bringing back mammals. maybe as it takes over his mind, the ooze that he controls, or controls him in a way, turns him more and more bear like in form.... im literally just spitballing here and this idea would have to be workshopped to be better to make it more thematically satisfying. also again this is a huge overwhelming question to answer. and sure yeah from what i shat out there theres some issues. but the splatoon team basically threw the "save our salmons" foreshadowing out the window and left us with the plot hole of how a literal bear couldve realistically set up a business so deeply in the inkling world and kidnapped a bunch of octarians. i wouldve liked that foreshadowing to have amounted to something... and making him an inkfish at least more clearly solves those latter 2 points.

also god. the bosses couldve totally been fucked up mammal experiments and not deep cut

[alyimoss]

9, 10, 31,,, (ask game)!!!!!

:333

ok so

9 What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

honestly i. have not done much at all. ever. so this is a tough one (and also bc i cannot for the life of me remember ANYTHING abt my life suddenly). idk if this counts, but. ive been told several times that im the kind of person people can come to when they have problems, either for advice or just to have someone listen to them. that at times ive been the only one they could turn to. and i consider my ability to become (and keep being) that person despite everything an accomplishment. its either that or learning mostly-proper, semi-advanced english in like 2 weeks after we moved to the states but i was like. 7. and kids that age are sponges so its not rlly anything special?

10 What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

either that i did ballet (albeit briefly) or that i used to be a social butterfly. im a pretty closed off person nowadays, riddled with anxiety and constantly too nervous to speak up. so i think if i told people that, at some point, i was not only social, but *popular*, they would not believe me. i could strike up a conversation with anyone. was literally getting bullied and i chatted with them like nothing was happening. fun times. wish i was still that kid sometimes

31 Describe yourself with 3 singers

what a horrible day to only listen to game osts lmfao. buuut maybe lemon demon, will wood, and mitski?? ld is kind of the. whatevers up with my brain. the hyper and excitable part that gets buried under the issues. the hyperfixations and the random info and oh its the neurodivergence. his songs exude a sort of vibe that i want to have and think i do have in the privacy of my own thoughts. never ask me abt his songs i will not shut up (i could write whole essays overanalyzing his music). will wood is the loudness and the issues that arent (necessarily) neurodivergence and also the gender issues. kind of vibes i wish i had also in the sense that his songs are so. in your face. a bit nonsensical at times, hard to make out, but you can feel the emotion so plainly. and then mitski is like. every song i hear from her is just my thoughts with a backing track. its actually kind of insane and i need her to stop bc i cannot listen to her songs like a normal person. anyway yeah across the three of those i think the common theme is "mental illness" and i do not know what that says abt me (i know what that says abt me)

anywayyy ty for the ask!! :3

[comradeboyhalo]

Okay—you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to..! But I’m actually SO curious on your essay thoughts of q!Bad in 4halo fics. Because (I think) it’s kind of rare that q!Bad is depicted accurately in.. most qsmp ship fics. And I feel like q!Bad always becomes.. obsessed with romance with q!Forever in many 4halo fics?? Or super open + emotionally stable?? I don’t know how to explain it, but that’s why I’m curious of your thoughts (because I’ve read your fics and 100% trust your characterizations, especially of BBH cubitos <3)

hihi always down to ramble. and i agree, a lot of bad's flaws are smoothed over in 4halo fics, which makes him incredibly ooc. also, i dont think that these mischaracterizations are necessarily bad, i understand that in fluff fics (or angst fics, which im guilty of) sometimes theres no room in tone to fully capture all of q!bad's complexities. but that doesn't mean i cant have some gripes!

i dont think this is exclusive to 4halo, but 4halo is also bad's current biggest ship, so a lot of it just happens to fall on it. but i really hate how fanon!bad gets stripped down to a mere love interest who is just...very perfect in how he interacts with romance. he wants to go on cute dates, he confesses in a very sweet way. he is kind and nice and a little insecure, and is just so boring. its very much reminiscent of old skephalo fics, where bad is seen as "innocent" and then any other interesting trait of his gets stripped away. i also end up feeling im reading about a highschooler, when q!bad is 11k+ and cc!bad (obviously influential of his character) is in his late 20s.

again, i understand why people write 4halo on cute dates and first kisses. thats what fanfic is for! but i cant help but see the entirety of the ao3 page full of these very...allo-typical romance plots and think "...he would not fucking say that." q!bad is messy as fuck! if you don't interpret him as arospec, then hes at the very least repressed, and not in a cute YA romance way. a 1k fic of pining that ends in a nice love confession just doesnt convince me im sorry!

and then there's the blue diamond obstacle that gets in the way of 4halo monogamy....skeppy. again, i get why most 4halo shippers arent going to mention him, cause theyre just not into anything skephalo. i cant blame them for that. but im a master nitpicker, so ill still nitpick cause this is my blog. bad brushing over skeppy is ooc. bad acting as if skeppy is in the past is ooc. bad pursuing any form of relationship without including skeppy is ooc. bad choosing any other person but skeppy to be his #1 is ooc. and yeah it sucks for shipping if you dislike q!skephalo, but thats how it is and its not changing. and also any fics that push bad to "move on" from skeppy is just ??? not only is that his soulmate across lifetimes, but skeppy isnt dead? hes just not on the island? help??? bad has two hands, but one hand will always hold skeppy's and he's made that abundantly clear many times.

anyways im also not immune to q!bad butchering in 4halo fics! ill admit that, in writing the hanahaki au, i couldn't really find time to fit a lot of q!bad's humor into it, and he ended up more openly angsty and sad and vulnerable then he really is, or would ever be. so i totally get it, and im fine if other qbad viewers despise how he's written in it. however i will stand by the fact that q4halo would never pursue a traditional relationship together, and i chose the ending to be ambiguous because thats how i believe their relationship (and feelings) are: ambiguous. that's why, to me, 4halo is so good. i don't want to read about them confessing their feelings. i want to read about how their relationship is an undefined, confusing mess that will never be defined, and im just so surprised that there aren't more fics like that out there.

[nerves-nebula]

!!!!!!! IVE FINDALLY FOUND A FELLOW MANDELA CATALOG DISLIKER

I've been into the ARG/Unfiction genre since like. 2015. And literally I've understood the hype around almost every unfiction project to some degree, EXCEPT for Mandela catalogue. Like. I've never understood the hype. Maybe it's just because I found it to feel very formulaic but like. Some of the faces used for this that are meant to be slightly unsettling are just,, not perfectly proportional and are badly lit?? Like literally that's it. Like there are real people who look like that. Fix the lighting and it's just gonna look like your neighbor of something. It's not very scary

But also like, for real? On your points abt how the series itself gives off A Lot if proto-fascistic messaging,

when I first watched it I was like "oh! That's the point! This is abt how fascist governments use media like TV to influence and misinform the public in service to facism and paranoia. Like these doppelgangers aren't actually real! They're just made up boogiemen to incentivize the public to turn on their neighbors/to attack people who are disfigured or disabled" and I thought that I finally was maybe getting why people found it interesting and that I had judged it too harshly

And then it wasn't that and instead was like "yeah no. There IS a secret boogeyman group who aren't (side eye to that) who are gonna steal your children via television (even Bigger side eye), and nearly off of them are just like, slightly photoshopped pictures of Real People but now they're just disfigured/disabled/literally just slightly non proportional features

This series could be very cool, but its just a thematic mess and is (intentionally or not) communicating a lot of facistic/eugenic sentiments

Idk if this anon is well phrased but like. You're so right it's unreal

-Gonzo

HAHAHHHHH YESSSS. YESSSSS. ITS SUCH A MESSSS.

LIKE. what is the POINT. half the "scary" ppl look like someone I'd see on the bus. the intruder looks like the homeless guy who asked me for bus fair a while back.

CRUCIALLY I don't think any of the bigotry was intentional, however it's SO thoroughly interwoven into Alex's worldview and the world he's created that it's like. at the fucking center of everything. it's insane to me how full grown adults analyze it on youtube and somehow manage to do that without comparing and compiling all the tropes it uses to make its point (whatever it's point even IS)

whenever me & my friend talk about it we somehow manage to keep tripping into different kinds of bigotry!! we'll be talking about ableism and how Adam's arc is very similar to many changeling tropes, which were (and to some extent still are, see: Star Children/Indigo Children) often used to abuse neurodivergent or mentally ill/disabled children. and we'll realize that Adam arc ALSO mirrors the Tragic Mulatto storyline too and it's like wow!! Two in one! you've done it so bad!!

a lot of the issues with it are small little things that could be excused as a coincidence- EXCEPT THERE'S SO MANY LITTLE THINGS THAT IT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE.

it's like- ok imagine this: you're having an interaction with someone and they do a microaggression at you, right? not outwardly bigoted, just kind of ignorant. and you're like, ok. fine. nobody is perfect, they probably didn't mean any harm. it's not worth kicking up a fuss about.

but if it keeps happening EVERY SINGLE TIME you talk to this person, it starts to build inside you and it's like. it's hard to even say why you hate them because you'd need to drag out every shitty tiny thing they've said and at that point you feel like maybe you're just being petty- BUT IT'S NOT PETTY IF IT HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE TIME AAA

ok sorry i started writing an essay again. i think my bud's gonna like this tho he's gonna be so happy other people did actually notice

[jakowskis]

Day 2 - Who’s your favorite Torchwood member? (And if it’s not one of them, who’s your favorite character?) Why are they your favorite? Do you have any secondary favorites (maybe a one-off or minor character that really stuck with you)?

owen, infinitely. i could write essays on why i love owen - hell, i have written essays. and at this point, you know when a character means so much to you there’s not even words for it anymore, they’re just kind of a fundamental part of you? Yeah. but nonetheless, i guess to majorly sum it up, he’s just one of the most utterly broken and fascinating characters i’ve ever had the pleasure of coming across. there's just a visceral sadness and anger to him that immediately reeled me in and i don’t think i’ll ever get over it, like he actually haunts me. and he made his way into my top 3 characters of all time in just a few months, which is pretty damn impressive. something just kinda clicked there. (and i highlight how fucked up he is, but then he's also complex enough that he's got a silly/dorky side too, which im super endeared by as well. i love his complexity. perf character for me, hes got like 30 things going on and im intrigued and compelled by all of them. i love him endlessly.)

also, okay, i’ve observed my favorite characters tend to unintentionally fit certain criteria, like when i look back at all my favs i can sort them into three categories. namely, it's 1) characters that make me lose my mind bc theyre so interesting (and/or endearing), 2) characters i relate to, and 3) characters i’d smash. fhdjkf. i tend to visualize it as a venn diagram, and most characters sit in one or two of the circles - owen is, i believe, the absolute only fav i’ve ever had who’s firmly in the middle. which probably has something to do with why he’s top 3. dhfdsjk

as for secondary favs… well, i absolutely adore the rest of the team, especially ianto and the girls (including suzie!!!!!!!! my girl suzie). i’m not sure why, gwen’s become a particular favorite. she gives me like cuteness aggression HFKSDF i wanna squish her (lovingly). she’s so fucked up n interesting, but also a lil gremlin to me. i love her playful side she’s such a love.

one-off characters… actually, quite a few have stood out to me and made an emotional impact. torchwood has had some wonderfully talented guest actors who really managed to get me attached to their characters, despite having so little screentime. carys, eugene, and beth all come to mind. i think about beth a lot. and maggie, ohhhh maggie. ill talk about aditd a bit tomorrow, ff.

also the episodes with mothers, oh g-d. eugene’s mom, and jonah’s, and jasmine’s. all really heart-wrenching, and damn good actresses. i always get emotional with plotlines about parents + their kids, fff. parental pain + fear just hits diff idk. i used to watch a ton of criminal minds and that was about the only place my empathy jumped out fhsdkfjd.

i also love the various romantic interests - john, diane, mary, lisa, mark (cough), katie, tommy. rhys!! i love you rhys. torchwood is such a character-focused fixation for me like g-d i just adore every character sm. so many good ones. AND HOW COULD I FORGET MY FAV GUY OF ALL - ANDY!!!!!!!! ily pc andy <3 <3 <3