#but yes hair tries are haunting me they moved in right next to tommy

[actual-changeling]

Joel cannot remember when it started, not that it is all that important, really, but after only a few weeks the hair tie on his right wrist has become just as much of a constant as the watch on his left. It is not always the same one, he is so attuned to it for some reason he picks up on the slightest variations in pressure and color, and on the rare occasion that he ends up taking it off, he easily finds a new one somewhere around the house. They're everywhere, on the coffee table and the kitchen counter, between the couch cushions, and in his jacket pockets, and he is acutely aware that the growing number of hair ties is his own fault.

Ellie had made a few comments here and there over breakfast or during movie nights that she never has one when she especially needs it. The complaint had buried through his skull and into his brain, taking root until he had made it his most important mission to solve what was a minor annoyance for her at best but oddly important to him.

The first time he had presented one to her, it had taken her several seconds of heavy blinking to fully process what he was offering her, palm outstretched and hovering between them. Once she had, the expression blooming on her face had looked so similar to Sarah's on Christmas mornings all air had left his body.

"What's that for?"

The wonder in her voice had tasted like hot chocolate and cinnamon, his heart filling with a familiar warmth, and he would be damned if he did not do everything he could to give her the childhood Christmases she should have had - hell, the entire childhood she deserves but never got to experience. Joel had heard the smile lacing his words, and Ellie's had grown in turn, her nose scrunching and eyes twinkling.

"Just because."

Ellie had thrown him glances heavy with an innocent curiosity all evening, prompting Joel to hold her even closer than usual when she eventually fell asleep half draped over his lap. Such a tiny, almost casual offering, and for a reason he still cannot quite grasp, it means more to her than he could have ever imagined, so he keeps doing it. Whenever Joel sees one, he trades for it with whatever he has on hand, although most people are happy to give them up without anything in return or a loose promise to come by if there's work for him, and he gives it to Ellie as soon as he is through the door; by now, it has become an expectation rather than an unexpected gift.

Sure, maybe it is less about Ellie's non-existent hair tie draught and more about the beaming smile she still gives him every single time, eyes so bright he has gotten lost in the joy on her face on numerous occasions. Ellie notices whenever it happens, eyes swimming with fond exasperation, and if it bothers her that he hugs her extra tightly afterward, the bubbling mix of love and satisfaction demanding to express themselves physically, if not verbally, she never complains.

Joel brings home another hair tie today, a black one already on his wrist, and he is barely through the door when Ellie practically launches herself into his arms, face buried in his chest as his arms come up to wrap around her, shifting her just the slightest bit to the right to keep them both from toppling to the ground.

"What's that for?"

Keeping the fondness out of his voice is impossible, and he has given up on trying to do so. Ellie doesn't pull back like she usually does, and his breaths come easier despite the fact that her crushing hug constricts his lungs, and Joel gently rests his cheek on top of her head with a love-struck expression he knows deep-down mirrors hers, fingers carding through her hair.

"Just because," she mumbles, and the smile she wears all evening follows him for days, the stitches she uses to put his heart back together looking suspiciously like hair ties.

[moral-turpitudes]

Burnt Toast:

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, Angst.

Word Count: 4,226

Characters: Polly Gray + The Shelby Siblings x Shelby!Sister Reader

Requested: Yes

Requested by: @atjafshelby​, I hope you like it love!

Summary: After seeing her family turn to a life of crime, one incident causes Y/N to finally leave Small Heath in a desperate attempt to rid herself of the Shelby name. But when the family makes a sudden appearance after years of no contact, she soon realizes she’s not the only one with news to bear.

“Kids! Breakfast is ready!” Shouted Y/N from the kitchen, the smell of toast and crackling bacon snaking it’s way through the two story town house in the middle of suburban Manhattan. The sight of the meal reminding her of home when she’d help cook, practicing her craft until she rarely made burnt toast. The voice of her aunt telling her how long to toast it so it would be perfect, even if the family eating it was far from so.

As she prepared the table, the scurrying of little feet pattering away on the floorboards filled the room as they sprinted down the lavish hall. Giggles erupting as two bright eyed girls climbed into their seats.

“Now girls, you both have to get ready quickly today alright? I have some errands to run.” Y/N said, placing a mug of coffee in front of herself. Heavy footsteps came trotting down the stairs as her husband, a man of status in the banking industry, waltzed into the room.

“Morning love. I have to go in early today. Are you sure you and the girls are okay?” He asked, adjusting his tie.

“Yes, I’m going to take them with me. I have some...personal matters to attend to.” She said, her tone dropping slightly as the girls played with their food.

“I know plenty of children back home who’d love to eat what you’re playing with, now stop it...” She said sternly, memories of her mother swatting her hand when she’d go to eat with her fingers instead of the silverware.

“Is it your family again?” He asked, brushing a stray hair from her face as he sat down next to her.

“Yes.” She said, taking a sip of her coffee as her hands shook, the anxiety of ever seeing them again gnawing at her brain.

It seemed like only yesterday that it happened. Her younger brothers running out of the old shop in Small Heath to go on a another mission after their fathers business had been left on their shoulders after the war. The sight later that night making her swear off violence all-together.

Her younger brothers had a knack for messing with the wrong people, even before the war changed them. John was the feisty one, always rough-housing with the boys and bullies on the streets, always pestering her and Ada as they chased rats through town. “I’m trying to help you defend yourself sis! Don’t be such a baby!” He’d say after tackling her to the ground where she’d cry and hesitate to fight back, Ada always punching him in the shoulder to stop as their aunt Polly would come running out of the house with the Devil in her eyes.

“You’re too sweet for your own good, Y/N. Too sweet to be a Shelby.” Polly would say while bandaging any cuts or scrapes.

“You sure as hell didn’t get it from your father...” She’d say, looking at the oldest Shelby girl with a mixture of awe and pity. Y/N resembled her mother more often than not, her temper only shining through in certain situations. But she never thought she’d lose it like she did that night.

It was the night of her first real date, Polly helping brush her hair as she flipped through an old book she’d found in their house.

"That Tommy’s?” Polly would ask, looking at the cover to see a horse running wild in a field.

“Yeah.” She’d say, wishing she could be free like the horse.

“Where are you meeting this young man, Y/N?” Polly asked after a moment of silence.

“The pub down the road.” She said shortly. She remembered Polly’s grip on her hair tightening at the mention of it.

“Ow! What is it?” She asked yanking herself free and turning to look at her aunt.

“D-don’t go. Please don’t.” She said, a fearful look in her eyes.

“Why? Arthur, Tommy, and John get to go anywhere in town and I can’t?!” She said, angrily putting her hair up herself and adjusting her dress.

“It’s not safe...” Polly said, walking down the hall.

“Right...so you want to lecture me on what’s safe because I’m so nice aye? What do you fucking see in me anyway?” She asked loudly. She never really raised her voice to Polly, fearing her to a slight degree. But as her younger brothers went out on business more often, she was practically shoved away, only being able to see Ada and Finn even though she was the oldest.

Polly’s eyes welled up with tears as she spoke.

“I see hope for this god-forsaken family. You have more control over yourself than I care to admit and I can’t bare to see you squander it all away by becoming one of them. You should live for yourself, at least then one of us in this family would be doing something good for a change.” She said, sauntering off into the kitchen.

“Tommy’s planning something isn’t he? That’s why you don’t want me to go on the date.” She said, following her into the kitchen with tears in her eyes. Even if she was older than Arthur by two years, he and the rest of them never stopped being over-protective.

“Yes.” Was all Polly said before Y/N ran out the door. If she wanted her to live for herself then she was going to do as she pleased. She was tired of being seen as some family secret, some mystery sibling that was different. She never liked the violence she grew up in but was that such a crime? To know how to not hurt people? To be able to know when to call it quits? These were thoughts she still struggled with as she looked at her two little girls getting up from the table and racing up the stairs. Their hair wild and smiles a mile long. Carefree like she always dreamed of being, and like most of her aunts family always claimed to be.

“I want you girls ready in 10 minutes!” Y/N yelled as the girls moved about upstairs, her husbands voice breaking her from her thoughts.

“Well I’m off love. I’ll see you all at my lunch break.” He said, kissing her goodbye and heading off to his ordinary job. Despite him being successful and full of money himself, she couldn’t shake the fact that they led very different lives before they met. He’d go off to college while she stayed and helped Polly with Finn, and Ada occasionally staying to help as she was always wanting to be out and about. While he grew up with a silver spoon, she grew up with rusted broken ones. She couldn’t for the life her know why he chose her, maybe it was luck? But nevertheless they worked out together and she was grateful no matter how many times her past haunted her.

As she cleaned up the kitchen, she fell back onto the memories from years ago. Her heart still aching like it was yesterday.

Remembering herself sprinting towards the pub where her new date had agreed to meet her, seeing a rowdy group of men near the entrance. The sharp sound of bottles breaking and slurs being spewed as she warily made her way over. Her eyes landed on her date and her stomach dropped. Arthur was holding him by the neck as Tommy pulled off his cap, slashing the mans face open in one fell swoop.

Y/N’s screams soon pierced the air as she saw him fall limp to the ground, Tommy finishing him off with a harsh twist of his neck.

The blinders all looked up to see their older sister just mere feet away from their mess. Without thinking, she ran over to the man she had grown to know, his face almost unrecognizable after what they’d done to him. As she cradled him, her eyes blurred with tears as her brothers stood in silence, the rain washing the mans blood off Tommy and Arthur’s hands as they waited for her to speak.

“Tommy...” She said, seeing red as she started at the man she once knew, lying dead on the cold pavement.

Her brother walked over, a tired look in his eyes as he crouched down to her level and put his cap back on.

“We had to do it Y/N...” He said, trying to reach for her hand.

Without warning she slapped him across the face with all the strength she could muster. Her hand stinging with the impact.

Polly came running in the distance, stopping near John who’d been holding his rifle as he sat against the wall of the pub.

As she got up, she wiped the blood on her clothes as she stared down her brother. A red handprint forming on his cheek as she neared him. With one hand she took his arm and with the other she grabbed Arthur’s hand, leading them near Polly and John.

“I knew him you know. How was he so bad that you had to kill him? Why was this part of your fucking plan?!” She yelled as they all looked at her with sorry expressions.

“He was working with Kimber’s men. Remember him?” John asked.

She got closer to John as she spoke, her arms folded in frustration.

“No John. I don’t remember. I wasn’t part of the family meetings...remember that?” She asked, knowing they always kept her, Ada, and little Finn in the dark ‘for their safety.’

“He was bad Y/N...” Tommy said, sticking a cigarette in his mouth.

“Like you all are any better. You didn’t even know him!” She shouted.

“Y/N love, please calm down. We had leads on him. He was trying to get with ya in order to get to us.” Arthur said.

“No...he wouldn’t.” She said, shaking her head as her tears fell.

“He did. Not everyone has a good heart like yours alright?” Tommy said, lighting a cigarette.

“You know what? Fuck the lot of you!” She yelled, her eyes boring into Tommy’s specifically.

“I can’t even look at you all anymore. You took away my one shot at meeting someone that wasn’t associated with this family and you all ruined it. You all ruined everything I’ve ever tried to do and here I am, the oldest fucking Shelby and I can’t even leave me own house.” She said, giving a side eye to Polly. As she spoke she remembered her aunts words, her eyes tearing up as she spat out her frantic goodbyes.

“You know what? I’m listening to what you said Pol. I’m going to go live for myself and I don’t want any of you to come for me. I can’t stand to be around any of ya. Goodbye.” She said, walking through the familiar dark streets for what felt like the last time.

“Mum? We’re ready!” She heard her oldest yell from the front door, ripping her from her thoughts.

“Alright, c’mere you.” She said, swooping her youngest up in her arms and walking out the door. As she walked with her oldest hand in hand they noticed the rain falling slightly as the city life bustled around them.

“I wish daddy didn’t take the car. He’ll be at his lunch break before we get there.” The oldest girl said, her white dress flowing in the wind.

“We’re going right up to the bank. He’ll be there. I promise.” She said, her nerves getting to her as they entered the tall building.

“I got a call about a check being sent from Polly Gray?” She asked the teller.

“Ah yes! Here you are. She also left a note.” She said, handing her the envelope.

Y/N’s eyes widened at the figures on the check, having to clutch the desk for support.

“Jesus fucking christ.” She said quietly.

“Jesus fuckin cwist!” Her youngest mumbled excitedly.

“Hey! We don’t say that.” She said smirking down at the little girl.

“Darling! Didn’t expect you to be here so early!” Her husband said as he stepped out of his office.

“This was uh...one of the errands. Can we go outside for a moment?” She asked.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, looking at her with concern.

“Oh um...it seems me aunt gave us a check for...$100,000.” She said.

“My god...you’re kidding. How did they get that kind of money?” He asked, even though they were well-off in New York it was still a shock, especially since the shop back home was far from successful all those years ago.

“Oh...you don’t want to know.” She said, her eyes scanning over the letter.

“Dear Y/N,

I know you don’t want to hear from any of us especially after so long, but we wanted to let you know we’re planning a visit to New York. We have some business to take care of and Tommy saw it best to come there personally. We’d love to meet up upon our arrival if you’d like. We have some unfortunate matters we’d like to discuss. In the meantime though, I wanted to gift you this check, seeing as we’ve come into more than enough good fortune over the years.

With love,

Aunt Pol”

“I have to get to a phone. Watch the girls please? I’ll be back.” She said, running inside the bank.

“What’s mummy doing?” Their oldest asked.

“Calling her family.” He said, holding her hand.

“She has a family? Like us but somewhere else?” She asked.

“Yeah...” He said, not knowing much about them as well. She’d kept that part of her life a secret for a while, but she’d let a few things slip every now and then, and she always got a check from Polly despite her refusing her help, but they never got one for this much before.

“Shelby Company Limited.” The woman said over the phone.

“Yes, this is Y/N...Y/N Johnson-I mean...Shelby. Y/N Shelby....is Polly there?”

“I’m sorry miss. The family has left for America, they’re expected in New York at noon.” She said.

“Alright, thank you.” She said, her watch ticked towards noon at a fast pace, knowing they’d be arriving soon.

“Girls were taking a trip. We uh...have to meet some of my family.” She said rushing out of the bank, scooping their youngest up in her arms with the others following.

“We need to get to customs, now.” She said, hurrying towards her husbands car.

Within the next 30 minutes they’d scrambled to get there, seeing the passengers get off the ship in groups. Her heart sped up as she saw her family, more dressed up now than before, but still the same tired features give or take Finn growing up before her eyes.

“Stay here you three. It’s going to be a moment.” She said, taking a shaky breath as she walked towards them.

“Y/N? Is that you?” She heard Polly call out. She stood frozen as they walked to her, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Hello Polly.” She said with a small smile, her tears plummeting to the ground as she gave her a warm hug.

“Oi! Is that really you?! Look at ya!” Arthur said with a smile.

“Yeah it’s me. Same old Y/N.” She said, wiping her tears as her brother Tommy stared at her.

“Cat got your tongue brother?” She asked, he gave her a hug but it was half-hearted at best.

“Right...so what are you lot doing here aye? Why’d you send us all that money?” She asked looking at them, Tommy’s eyes were more dead than all those years ago. She couldn’t shake the feeling something had happened as Polly spoke.

“Can we talk about this somewhere private at least? We just got here love...” Polly said.

Y/N sighed as she turned to her little family, the ring on her finger glinting in the sun as she nodded.

“Of course...follow me. I uh, have some people I want you to meet.” She said.

“Y/N...” Polly said in a shocked whisper as she saw the two girls and her husband standing there looking at them with smiles on their faces.

“This is my husband. His name is Charles Johnson, he’s a banker in Manhattan. And these are our girls. Jane is 7, Polly is 3.” She said, picking the little girl up as she giggled and waved at them.

“You...you never told us you’d met someone. Never told us you’d gotten married...Never told us you had children...” Polly said, waving at the girls.

“Well the street goes both ways. Didn’t know you got married aye Tom...” She said nodding to him, he lit a cigarette as they walked ahead. The tension growing in the air as she nervously took her husbands hand.

“It’s complicated, but yes I did.” He said shortly, the smoke wafting through the air.

“No smoking...please.” She said, her girls looking curiously at the man with piercing blue eyes.

“You serious?” He asked.

“Yes, the girls don’t like it. You’re such a grump though love. You’ve turned into an old man, older than Arthur even. Jesus.” She said, none the wiser to what they’d all been through over the years. Tommy just nodded with a slight smirk, knowing his past couple years would’ve destroyed her.

As the Shelby’s made small talk with the little girls, Charles got them a ride to their house, the bustling city taking them a little bit by surprise.

“I don’t know how you live here. It’s hectic.” Polly said, sitting in a small armchair in their living room.

“Well you wanted me to live my life for me Pol. I came here and I loved it. Never saw a reason to move.” She said, pouring her a glass of wine.

“Anyone want a drink?” She asked as her worse-for-wear brothers sat around.

“Now there’s our sister. You got whiskey?” Arthur asked.

“Did you think I left all of Birmingham behind? Of course I do.” She said, pouring out a couple glasses and handing them out. Her husband taking one and giving her a small peck on the cheek, Tommy staring him down for a moment before she came to him with a glass.

“What kind?” Tommy asked before drinking it.

“Irish...what else would it be? You taught me that.” She said with a smirk.

“Right...” He said, fixing his golden glasses.

“So tell me, what’s life been like here? It seems...grand.” Polly said looking around the place as the girls ran around giggling.

“Jane! Polly! No running in the house...go out to the courtyard.” She said, taking a sip of her whiskey.

“You named the little one Polly? I’m touched.” She said, sipping her wine.

Y/N sighed before she spoke, her husband sitting near her on the large sofa, holding her hand as he knew she had some things to get off her chest.

“Look...I was....angry. I was angry at the world when I left and...I’ve held onto that for so long it’s eaten me up. I know you all don’t care for me now, hell I wasn’t invited to anything anyways, but I did the same. I did this for me. And I’m happy here. I’m happy with my children. I named her Polly because even though we wanted to rip each other’s throats out some days, you were the one that helped me realize who I wanted to be. You helped raise me and I couldn’t not name her after someone I loved dearly.” She said, the room falling silent.

“You want us to forgive you?” Tommy asked.

“No. Honestly Tommy I’m still trying to forgive you. It was because of you all that I watched you kill him. I moved here so you’d never take people away from me again, but no I’m not looking for forgiveness or anything, I just want it behind us.” She said finishing off her whiskey.

“That was for your protection, love. You can understand that now at least, since you have your own children now.” Polly said, clasping her hand over hers.

“I can. But I wouldn’t kill someone. That’s how we’re different. I’ve told Charles about it, because I’ve always been the nice one. He may think otherwise though.” She said smirking at her husband.

“But, I’ve tried to move on. I just want you all to know I’m happy and I’m honestly not that hurt by it anymore. I’m just plagued with the memories that’s all.” She said.

“What about back home? How’s Ada? I’m assuming she’s with her kid...Karl right?” She asked, trying to change the subject.

“Yes. She has another on the way as well. Different father. Deceased though.”

“That’s too bad, I know she’s probably torn up, the poor thing. Give her a hug for me will ya? God I haven’t seen her in so long.” She said and Polly nodded.

“What about John? Where’s the cheeky bastard at anyway?” She asked. Polly teared up as Tommy held her hand, which he never did unless it was something important.

“He....he got shot. One of the mafias with a vendetta against us got him...it was recent enough that we figured we’d come to tell you.” He said.

“No.” She said, getting up quickly.

“No...no I-I said the most hateful things the last time I saw him. He can’t be...” She said as tears poured down her face.

“Hey....shh it’s alright darling.” Her husband said attempting to comfort her as she clung to him, her tears staining his expensive suit as Arthur and the rest looked away, their hearts growing heavy after re-hashing the news.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner. We couldn’t get to you in time for the funeral though, love.” Polly said, walking over.

“I have to sit down.” She said, her face paling as she sat on the sofa.

Her hands shook as she wiped her tears away. Polly kissed her forehead as she walked outside, observing the little girls as they played in the garden to keep from breaking down as well.

As Y/N settled down, she took another shot of whiskey, wincing at the burn of it going down. Since having her kids and working, she didn’t have as much time to drink, at least not like they did back home.

“I should’ve came back sooner...I-I should’ve written you all more often.” She said.

“Y/N that wouldn’t have changed much. We’re just happy you’re happy alright love?” Arthur said, patting her on the back.

“Yeah...” She said.

“Say...I know you all are tired. Would you all care to stay? We have enough room...” Charles asked as Polly walked in with the girls.

“Mum! Who that?” Little Polly asked in her sweet voice.

“Hello! Oh you silly girls! I hope you loved meeting Polly! These are your uncles, Arthur, Tommy, and Finn.” She said wiping her tears away as they came in, letting them walk over to them. Tommy smiled at them and put on his best kind expression, knowing how impressionable kids were.

“So uhm...Tommy do you have kids?” Y/N asked, circling back to the ring on his finger and trying to lighten the conversation.

“Yeah. I have a boy name Charlie, and a girl named Ruby. Charlie’s mum was uh...shot...by the mafia, Lizzie is well, she’s working at the office and helping with little Ruby.” He said.

“Shot! Jesus fuckin cwist!” Little Polly squealed out.

Y/N’s mouth dropped as she picked her up. Arthur and eventually everyone erupted in laughter.

“We do not say that Polly! Don’t repeat bad words!” Y/N scolded her, trying to hold back her own laugh in the process.

“I’m sorry about your first wife Tom...I’m also sorry little Polly over here has the mouth of a sailor.” She said playfully eyeing her daughter and giving her brother a pat on the shoulder.

“It’s alright love. Things happen aye?” He said, his heart still hurting after the loss, but warming at the sight of his little happy and not so nicely-mouthed nieces.

“Maybe we can visit the rest of the family sometime? I’m sure we can arrange that.” She asked looking at her husband.

“Of course! We’d um...we’d like that. Very much.” Polly said a genuine smile on her face as she watched her niece with her children.

“I’m so glad you’re doing well for yourself dear. Truly. We all are, and if we haven’t said it yet, welcome to the family Charles.” Polly said, shaking his hand.

“My offer still stands though by the way...” Charles said after a moment.

“What’s that aye?” Tommy asked, finally loosening up a bit.

“You all can stay here. You all aren’t the only ones with big houses you know. You’re family after all.” Y/N said.

“Well it’s not like we have anywhere else to go. What to do you say?” Polly asked, looking at Tommy. He smirked a bit before answering, Y/N could see the conditions he’d have with their stay floating around in his head.

“Alright...As long as we get to have the toast you always made. I’ve hired many a housemaid and none of them could make it like you do, they always burn it up.” He said.

She chuckled at the memory, always making a bunch of it in the mornings before they’d all go running off in the streets.

“Deal.” She said, giving him a small smile, knowing that even after all the years and all the losses, she knew she could never fully be away from family.

[mediocre--writing]

The Drooping Red Silvias on the Dining Room Table

Tom Riddle X fem!Hufflepuff!Reader

Summary: “Love could be remembered forever and it could be dwelled on for decades, but it didn’t last forever. Nothing did. Not a truly happy smile. Not the Red Silvias on the dining room table. Not even love.”

Word Count: 4544

Warnings: like two bad words, SUPER ANGSTY

“Pathetic, isn’t it?” A teasing voice questioned from behind Tom’s left shoulder.

“What is it now?” He heard a light giggle as he felt her get closer to him, her aura contrasting his in every way.

Where he was harsh, sharp angles, she was kind and bright, in every way possible. And it beat just about every brain in Hogwarts how the two ended up together at all.

“How much you mope around school scowling at people when you could just come find me and we could have a grand ol’ time!”

And so it was, the grin that was hardest to suppress made its way across his dull face, one only the girl next to him could elicit from him. He enjoyed it, no matter how much he protested her jokes and immature behavior, it brought out the child in him that he was never allowed to show.

“Should you be any more childish, they might have to hold you back this year, L/n,”

Matching smirks graced their faces as they made eye contact in the busy hallway on their way to dinner, in which she would ditch her rightful place at the Hufflepuff table and sit with Tom at the Slytherin table, a good bit away from any other students in the house.

“They would never, I’m far too loved in this school for anyone to wish me a disadvantage!” She said, mocking an offended tone and placing a dramatic hand on her chest.

“Think what you will, but you are one of the most adorably immature people I've had the chance to meet,”

“Oh, Tommy, that’s just pessimistic, be a bit happier, will you? We’ve got, like, a month left of school and I’d like to be happy for the time being, if you can manage that?”

They sat at the end of the Slytherin table, close to the door, and far from other students. They both began to place food onto their plates in mass amounts, the Hufflepuff being more than distraught at the idea of having to lose Hogwarts’ meals after graduation.

The brunet smiled at the bubbly girl in front of him, her eyes glimmering from the reflection of candles in the hall. There was nobody he admired more, from her personality to her obsession with Herbology to the way she read, all curled up on an uncomfortable library chair, and he especially adored the way she kept him connected to the person he always strived to be, even if he didn’t notice himself drifting, she always did.

“I think I can manage that,” He said softly, looking down to add more roast to his dinner plate. “For you, I think I can manage anything,” 

“Pathetic, isn’t it?” A teasing voice questioned from behind Tom’s left shoulder.

“What is it now?” He questioned the ghost that haunted him to this day.

“Well, the fact that you’re trying so hard, for one,” Her mocking voice chuckled as her semi-transparent form drifted to face him.

The man-- if you could call him that-- groaned at her insistence on bothering him.

“I also think that you’re doing far to much to not die, that you’re gonna end up getting killed and only end up living to, like, 80, at the most,”

“If you could be quiet for a moment then maybe I would be able to focus and then I won’t get killed!” He snapped, agitated at the nuisance around him, slamming his hand onto the table that had plans spilled across it.

“Too bad you can’t kill a ghost, huh?” She quirked her head to show a false sympathy for the man, “Though, you already did kill me, so…”

“Shut up!” He tried to command with a strong voice, but it came out quieter than he wanted it to, guilt overtaking what was left of his emotions.

She let out a loud sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest, rolling her eyes, “No need to be so dramatic, Tommy,”

“Why don’t you just go to wherever it is you go when you’re not bothering me,” He sneered at the ghost of a girl who used to be everything to him, but was now diminished to absolutely nothing.

“Alright,” She said, backing up to disappear and reappear somewhere else, “Catch you later, Tommy!”

He let out a final groan after she disappeared, getting back to what he was doing before.

Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, the ghost was wandering around, talking to other ghosts, sometimes waving to younger students, and just milling around with nothing to do.

“Excuse me,” she heard a timid voice call from around her. “Ma’am, excuse me,”

“Are you talking to me?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at the brunet boy below her who nodded at her question. “What is it you need, darling?”

“Do you know other.... uhhhhh,” He paused his question, eyes darting around as if to escape the prevalent tension, “Other people, who have… gone from the world?”

“Why do you ask, and what is your name, darling?” The Hufflepuff asked tenderly.

“I’m Neville,” The boy spoke as his cheeks flushed pink, his grip tightening around his satchel, “And I was reading about how some ghosts have contact with those who are passed through, and others can’t and I just wondered if there were any ghosts at Hogwarts who could--”

“Neville, darling,” He was pulled from his rambling and fidgety monologue, “I’m very sorry, but I’ve not been able to contact those who have passed, but I may know who you are referring to, given I have been around Hogwarts for quite a while,”

“Well, my parents…”

“What’s your last name?”

“L-Longbottom, ma’am,” the boy stuttered out quietly.

“Your parents, they’re Frank and Alice, correct?” She tilted her head as she lowered her body from floating feet above the floor to be closer to the ground so as to not be intimidating to the shy boy, who looked more like his father than he probably knew.

“Yes, you knew them?” Neville had a spark of hope lit in his eyes, it was apparent in the way he straightened his posture and could look her in the eyes.

“Yes, I also knew your grandmother, Agusta, while I was at Hogwarts, is she still as intimidating as she once was?” Neville nodded with a small smile, “Well, Alice was one of the first friends I made while wandering Hogwarts. Kindest women I’ve ever met, by a long shot. I didn’t know Frank too well, however, but Alice worked him into just about every conversation she could, she loved that boy,”

“Do you have any stories?” Neville asked, taking a seat on a bench on the side of the hallway, “If you don’t mind, that is?”

“Of course I don’t mind!”

She spent until curfew talking about Alice and Frank, stories of their dates and their friends and how goofy and awkward and wonderful they both were. Neville had never felt so close to his parents, he could almost cry.

Y/n loved talking about her friends, though she was never truly a friend, but she liked feeling close to people and helping them along in the world.

She’d seen people she was once close to go down a path that only resulted in destruction, and she wanted to prevent as many people from doing that as she could. It hurt everyone when someone hurt themselves.

After Neville had gone to bed, she had begun wandering the halls once again, watching paintings move and random cats and owls move around outside on the grounds.

She could never get tired of the castle, especially not the grounds, which, no matter the weather, always seemed to be green and full of life. She loved the edge of the forest, right before it got too dense but where you could still be surrounded by trees.

“Tommy!” She squealed, feeling the blood run to her head as she was hung over his shoulder. “Tom! Thomas!”

He was giggling right along with her, running across the lawn, over to the forest where nobody went, enjoying the warm, sunny, spring day that seemed rare this time of year.

He finally allowed the girl’s feet to touch the ground, but kept her wrapped in his arms holding their chests together, fast breathing causing them to touch every breath or so.

“Was that necessary, love? You could’ve just asked to walk over here calmly,” She smirked, watching as his cheeks lost some of their pink tint as he calmed his breathing.

“Yes, but aren’t you always the one telling me that life should be fun, not mundane, like I, apparently, always am?” Tom teased the girl, poking one of her cheeks as she leant against a tree, staring into his eyes.

He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, where a small white flower already was, probably from the bouquet that he’d given her just a few days ago. The bouquet had been mostly white flowers, along with a few yellow ones, and he’d said the white flowers were as perfect and pure as she was, along with the yellow sunflowers that he’d put in, comparing them to her bright smile.

“You’re not mundane,” She smirked, poking his cheek as well, to prove a point, but let her hand rest against his jaw, “maybe a little dull sometimes, but --”

His lips touched hers tenderly and with love as he smiled into the kiss they shared, in the forest, away from prying eyes and lurkers.

She gasped a bit from the surprise of her sentence ending so abruptly, but sunk into the kiss after a moment, still holding his cheek in her palm as his hands wrapped around her waist, curling her into his chest.

This was a routine for them, hiding from the eyes that seemed to follow them everywhere and share tender moments that neither would forget in years to come.

Sometimes, the moments they shared, weren’t just kissing, they would sit in the back corner of the library, far from the librarian’s prying eyes, and would read old children’s tales to one another.

(She swore that his voice was made for reading, and the way his chest felt when she rested on his lap was perfect for casual reading days.)

Other days, they would do homework. More like Tom would try and work and she would talk his ear off until he threatened her to do her work. Though the threats were harmless, (ex: no cuddles or kisses until Monday) though, he wasn’t good at keeping them anyway. She was too perfect to just ignore for the sake of lousy school work.

They enjoyed their time together, no matter what they did, it was always precious time if it was spent with the other.

“Ms. L/n!”

She jumped from her daydream as she noticed the man standing at the end of the hallway.

“Professor Dumbledore, how are you tonight?”

“I’m fine,” He smiled kindly from underneath his half moon spectacles, eyes glimmering even in the darkest corner of the castle. “You know what’s been brewing outside these walls. I’m here to ask something from you, once again. Would you be willing to aid me and my friends as you did many years ago, should the time come to do so?”

She stared off, quietly wishing she didn’t have to. “Of course, Professor,”

“My thanks means nothing in comparison to the help you will give us, Ms. L/n,”

The man nodded once more and walked to the end of the hallway, turning left as he disappeared out of sight.

Though it meant close to nothing, she couldn’t help but feel guilty.

How could she have gotten into Hufflepuff, the house of the loyal, if she were betraying the one person who ever treated her with more than a fake smile and courteous conversation.

Her Tommy, who had once been a kind soul who only wanted to feel the love he had been deprived of in his first life. The happiness that had been brutally ripped away from him any moment he got too comfortable.

It was the right thing, going against Lord Voldemort, but there was still a part of her that wanted to help Tom Riddle on the right path when there was so much persuading him from straying to the wrong path.

The person she knew was, well, a person at heart. He may not have shown it often, but he wanted what people were given freely. He hated having to ask or dream of what others were given daily.

For what should give a person a reason to treat a child as less than loved?

“Y/n I’ve been looking for you everywhere, do you know wh--” He paused halfway through the two shelves that hid the table and chairs that they would go on study dates to.

It was the perfect spot, a small window that showed the hilly landscape outside and allowed just enough light that it gave the spot a romantic feel without being too dark or light. There was a small table and two plush chairs, which was just enough for the two. It was the perfect spot, apart from right now, where there was Y/n, tears pouring down her cheeks as she tried to mop them up with the end of her sweater sleeves.

He walked up to her, slightly shaking, body, crouched down a bit, and opened his arms, to which she wrapped her sweater-covered hands around him and connected her hands around his neck, pulling him partially down to her chair.

He adjusted them bit by bit until he was in the chair and she was laying across his lap and chest, her cheek nestled into the side of his neck, his light gray sweater getting slightly damp from her tears.

She began to stop crying, embracing the earthy, yet clean smell he had, along with his fingertips running up and down her spine in an effort to bring comfort to the girl. She shivered every once and a while, in which he would respond by snuggling her deeper into his warm body.

They remained quiet for a while, even after she stopped crying and was breathing normally, just enjoying the embrace, and the calm atmosphere that came with it.

“Wanna tell me what’s got you spooked, darling?” He asked in a whisper, scared to break the comfort with too loud a voice.

She shook her head in the crook of his neck, nustling her nose deeper into his sweater, which was softer than anything she’d ever felt. ‘I’ll have to steal that later,’ she thought.

“That’s alright,” He reassured, “It wasn’t somebody, was it? Or were you overwhelmed, darling?”

She smiled into his shoulder, murmuring “Overwhelmed,” as she closed her eyes once again, feeling more tired than ever.

He had to know that it wasn’t someone who made her upset, and knew that more often than not, it was just a mix of school and general teenage angst, which he knew that better than anyone.

He felt her warm breath on his neck, feeling her yawn as she readjusted her head again, “Tired, darling?” to which he got no reply other than her arms squeezing around his torso a bit tighter than they had been.

He chuckled to himself, smiling at the girl who, in his eyes, at least, couldn’t be more perfect.

During the last war, Y/n had been in the same predicament.

She wanted to do the right thing for a majority of people, but she also felt as if she was going against her loyalty for not defending Tom, though he was barely even who he used to be at that point.

She had advantages for either side, mostly the Order of the Phoenix, because she understood how The Dark Lord’s mind worked and you couldn’t exactly hold a ghost back from a room or hear what she wanted, given you couldn’t exactly stop her from just floating through the wall.

She knew it was the right thing.

She wasn’t a complete idiot, she knew basic right from wrong, though it didn’t erase guilt.

Nothing erased guilt.

That went both ways.

Tom still felt a tremendous amount of guilt when it came to his lost love.

She had never given up on him, not a single time between their years at Hogwarts and the years beyond when they had been trying to understand how their life worked without people telling them how to act. Without set rules to follow.

They’d never strayed from one another, always been loyal and adamant about their trust in one another.

She never doubted him, and that was the worst part. She didn’t see him as a god or supernatural being, and he supposed it was nice to be admired for being a person rather than for actions that could be twisted back and forth.

He didn’t have the best conscious, given it was switching between what he wanted and what he needed, and she was something he needed, but he prioritized his wants over her. His views on blood status had clouded his judgement and, in turn, lost him everything he’d ever wanted and everything he’d needed.

“Stop acting like a fucking twat for once in your life, Thomas!” She screamed as she found, yet another, suspicious book sitting on his desk.

This time it was a book called Horcruxes: How to Make and Destroy the Key to Eternal Life.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” He was agitated, he was close to pulling out his own hair in pure agitation, “I was reading a book and now you’re being all pissy for no reason!”

“Oh, so you can read?” She asked, hands on her hips like a scolding mother, “Then what was the title of your little book, Tom?”

He was silent, looking around the room rather than in her eyes. He’d been caught but he was far too stubborn to admit that he was at fault for the argument.

“Tom,”

“If you’re so mad then just get out!”

“I’m not mad at you, I just want to know what’s going through your head because from what I’m looking at, it’s not a good situation. And you know, good and well, that I will believe what you tell me, but if you keep lying then I really will ‘get out,’”

She set the book down on the desk as she watched his body language, surveying his eyes flickering around the room and his fingers loosening and tightening his tie again and again.

“Tommy,”

“I don’t want to lose you, ever, and I’m trying to figure out a way that we never have to be without the other.” She opened her mouth to question him further but he began rambling, “I want to be with you forever and I don’t want us to be apart because I know we’ve been together for a long time, but I can’t bear the thought of, one day, not having you with me. It’s something I can’t afford to lose because of some stupid mistake or-or,”

“Tommy,” She put her hand over his, which was on the arm of his chair, “Life is about losing things and gaining things. We can’t cheat nature just because we want to be loved for longer or because of pure selfishness. I don’t exactly want to live without you, either, but I know that you’re always going to love me and I know that I will always love you, no matter what you think, so just calm down for a few moments and enjoy life while you still get to,”

That night had changed everything.

Had the conversation been had earlier, maybe the first two Horcruxes wouldn’t have been made. He rethought everything after that, finding his humanity that he’d been repressing for months, all for her.

It was never that easy, though. He had already made the Horcruxes, and he vowed he would stop now.

And he did. For almost a year, he made no more moves to further his progression of splitting his soul into seven pieces. He found happiness, he kept her love for him in a pocket right over his heart, where he also kept the small flowers she would pick him out of the garden, and he still felt like a person.

A person who, though he was now beginning to regret it, had an army of loyal, blood supremacists behind him. He had made them promises that he was now beginning to question.

It was a beautiful morning.

A blue sky, blooming flowers, and the smell of rain that was sure to fall later in the day. But now, Tom was reading in his study, watching his wonderful darling tend to her garden, she was fascinated with nature, what it meant and how it grew so freely.

She would ramble about why she had certain bouquets into the dining room table, about what they meant, and how her smile was only brighter when she was talking about him.

(“These are daisies and morning glories. The daisies mean hope and the morning glories mean care and affection. I noticed you were moping earlier and wanted you to feel happier.”)

(“These are violets and asters-- they look pretty together, no?” “Of course they do, darling,” “The violets are for loyalty and the asters are for love, because that’s how I feel for you,”)

(“All yellow tulips, darling?” “I read somewhere that they represent the sunshine in your loved one’s smile, and you just light up my world,” “Oh, how cheesy, darling,”)

That morning, she’d put in a large bouquet of Red Salvias, which bounced well off the crisp white tablecloth underneath.

“And what of those flowers, darling?” Tom had asked once he came into the room to find her in her gardening clothes, dirty and grimy but still looking absolutely stunning while she arranged the red flowers.

“They’re Red Salvias, they represent a forever love,” She’d sent a cheeky smile towards him at the last part of the sentence, to which he walked towards her, grinning, and wrapping his arms around her from behind.

“Then we shall put them everywhere, darling,” He whispered softly into her ear.

Her smile was one that could not be broken. When she was around those she loved, nothing could dull her happiness and affection towards them.

Tom never wanted her smile to fade, not because of him and certainly not because of anyone else.

A knock was heard from the front door, harsher than the old neighbor lady, who would bring them sweets occasionally, would knock.

Tom looked back to her, then walked to the door, coming to see Abraxas Malfoy, one of his friends from school, though they weren’t necessarily friends, given their heritage.

“Abraxas, how nice to see you,” Tom said curtly, confused as to why the man was there, given he hadn’t spoken to any of them recently.

Little did Tom know that they had been meeting one another recently. All his followers met to discuss their leader’s change in attitude, which led to the answer for his rejection of ideals.

Quite the understandable distraction, they had agreed, but unnecessary all the same.

As Tom was tensely chatting with Abraxas Malfoy, another, undetected Death Eater had walked to the back door, sending a silent petrification charm at Y/n, catching her before she hit the ground.

Unable to speak or move, her eyes widened and looked to Tom worriedly as she was aggressively moved and bound, hands together and a strange man’s hand around her neck, squeezing hardly, but not too tight that she was losing oxygen.

After a few more moments, Abraxas noticed that the girl had been restrained and nodded for Tom to turn, to which he immediately pulled out his wand to the platinum blond, threatening him, but it was evident that nobody was there to hurt him.

There were two more masked Death Eaters in the garden, watching from outside, threateningly, as Abraxas smiled and Tom tried not to act rashly as Y/n tried not to allow tears to slip from her eyes.

“All we want is our old leader back, Tom,” Abraxas said from behind his right shoulder.  “It’s a pretty easy decision to make, if you ask me, we’ll spare the girl, if you come back to us, as you should,”

Tom’s wand, for the first time in his life, was trembling in his tight grip.

It didn’t feel right, the deal, and he knew that if he followed what he really, truly wanted, she wouldn’t live to continue his ideal life with him. But if he chose the path he was avoiding, would he lose her anyway, would she stay if he was a murderer?

She, though bound and being choked, didn’t feel as though she should be nervous, this was her Tommy, the Tommy who would read her children’s stories because it made her smile. The Tommy who would poke at her cheeks when she was trying to be mad at him.

Even if he chose, whatever it was, with these people, she knew that he would always be Tommy to her.

Her Tommy.

And as he made a decision, a stupid one on his part, he knew that it was his last act of true defiance and bravery.

He shot a spell at the man choking her, but was immediately pulled back down by Abraxas as he watched her fall over to the floor, unable to catch herself due to her bound hands.

“You have made a mistake, Tom, and we don’t tolerate mistakes here, now do we?”

There was one last look of vulnerability in Tom’s eyes as he watched a spell hit Y/n.

That last look of vulnerability lasted until his final death.

He watched as her, once tense, body went limp from the use of the Unforgivable Curse.

He’d done it to people before. He’d felt no remorse on the other end of it. He’d almost enjoyed the feeling of power that came with using the Unforgivables.

Not anymore. He didn’t like the other side. He didn’t like feeling this. The pain. The knowledge that if he’d just done what he should have a long time ago, he’d have her there. With him.

Abraxas allowed him to stand up, and he did, slowly, and tried to not look into her cold, dead eyes that still dripped with unfinished tears, and clothes still dirty from the gardening she’d done earlier that day.

He’d looked to the dining room table, at the Red Silivas that she’d just finished arranging only minutes ago.

The flowers that represented a love that spanned forever.

Little did those flowers know that forever only lasted until the love was broken in half and ripped to shreds. There was no love that lasted forever.

As the flowers would begin to droop with days to come and nobody to care for them, Tom’s once shining love would begin drooping with them.

Love could be remembered forever and it could be dwelled on for decades, but it didn’t last forever.

Nothing did.

Not a truly happy smile.

Not the Red Silvias on the dining room table.

Not even love.

[innittowinit]

Abandoned amusement parks are the best place for young children (chapter 15)

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:  

 same time period as last chapter! Techno and dream perspective this time

Chapter word count: 2849

AO3

Listen, he didn’t want to leave. Techno knew that neither him nor Wil were able to function very well apart. He knew he’d hurt Wilbur if he ran off, but it’s not like he had predicted the door getting stuck, truly he had thought once Wilbur realised he was gone he would just come over and chill out with him.

The yelling had just gotten too much. There had been so much noise and he just wanted a break, his mind had felt fuzzy and it was getting hard to distinguish his own thoughts from what was going on around him, an anxious pressure built in his chest that made him want to either scream or hit someone.

It was just so loud.

Tugging on Wilbur’s sleeve was usually the sign he gave when things were getting too much, countless times he’d done so in school and Wilbur had rushed him out of the situation, without any kind of hesitancy or worry that he might get in trouble for doing so. Which he had.   That being said, he wasn’t sure if Wil had ever been the reason he was feeling this way before, he was always considerate and tried his best to do what was best - of course he was still human and had blips where he might get overwhelmed himself, or maybe he was too stressed about something and wasn’t able to help.

Those situations always felt terrible to be in, they made Techno mad beyond belief but he always calmed back down eventually. Whilst he was pretty closed off, he was never one to hold a grudge and he generally understood that Wil was his own person with his own emotions and he couldn’t always rely on him to do everything.

He didn’t want to rely on him. It felt stupid and infantilising to not be able to do things yourself, That being said, he appreciated his brother greatly.

So, when Wil was far too heated to help, Techno had tried his best to endure the situation. No matter how light headed he got, he knew Wil would freak out if he left, so he stayed. For a while it was okay, it was stressful and awkward but he was okay.

That was until the proper yelling started. When they had moved from calling each other annoying and selfish to genuinely attacking each other as people. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew he needed to just take a break, Wilbur would understand. He knew Wil knew he was getting overwhelmed so of course Wilbur would understand.

Nobody noticed when he left, that’s what he had thought, despite the fact that he had been frantically running for a place to calm down. Since they had been sitting on the coaster just moments before, the most logical place to hide seemed to be the ticket booth. Wrapping his long hair back into a ponytail, the boy carefully crept into the old building, keeping the door open behind him as he hadn’t planned to stay long.

The floor had speckled pieces of glass all over it, stemming from vandals that had come over the years, the old counter was surprisingly clean though so that’s where he decided to sit, back leaning against the rusted old shutters. The idea that one day someone had closed this place up after work and never came back was a weird mix of haunting and calming, like it showed just how easily places can get lost to time. Not wanting rust in his hair, he had pulled the ponytail out from behind him and placed it over his shoulder, braiding it slowly to pass the time.

The braid wasn’t exactly good or pretty, Niki was usually the one who would braid his hair, she was the one who had taught him too but he supposed he didn’t have the coordination or patience to make it look presentable at all.

From inside the booth, he could still hear the echoes of yelling but it was much more muffled now, it provided a nice easy middle-ground where he wasn’t too far from his brothers and could easily go to them if he heard anything bad happen, but it was also quiet enough that he was able to hear his own thoughts again. Thank god.

Peace never seemed to last long anymore though, not now that the Dream Team were apparently so adamant on becoming friends. He guessed so anyway, he had been listening to the start of the argument and George seemed genuinely sorry about everything.

“Hey!” A voice had come from right outside the booth, footsteps of someone jogging along with that too.

Before he knew it, Dream had ran into the booth, closing the door behind him -out of habit, Techno guessed- and then started walking towards Techno. There was a crash and a blur of green before the boy was on the floor, having tripped over some of the debris, reminding Techno that the majority of people weren’t used to the vast amount of shit that was just spewn over the park from it’s previous owners.

Maybe if it was any of his brothers he would have laughed at the trip, it was comical to say the least. But the floor was covered in glass and dirt and God knows what else.

Not the best stuff to be laying in, that’s for sure.

Hopping down off the counter and running his hand through his hair to get rid of the braid, he made his way to the boy and tried to help him up, at least he didn’t seem to be upset.

“Oh god!” He chuckled, his laugh was almost a wheeze, Techno thought if they were ever friends he might tease him about it. “Dude! You ran off, I just wanted to make sure you were alright”

He rubbed his hands, scratched and dirty, against his hoodie to  get some of the grime off as he sat against the wall, seemingly not caring about everything he was sitting in.

It was almost like a movie, Techno thought, how he laughed and got up only for everything to come crashing down.

There was a thin crack going from the top middle to the bottom middle of his mask, admittedly it didn’t look all too serious until Dream had sat up, laughing like a kettle, that it had snapped in two, both pieces of plastic dangling off his ears while the elastic held them pathetically.

The boy’s face displayed genuine horror and embarrassment, as if he had been caught without trousers on or something. To Techno, the idea of wanting to hide your face to the same degree you’d hide your privates seemed crazy, that being said he couldn’t fully judge him for that when he wouldn’t even talk.

Snapping back to reality, Techno looked away sharply. He might not fully understand why he was hiding his face but he wanted to respect his privacy nonetheless, he knew he’d feel pretty mortified if Dream listened to him talk or something, he guessed it was the same kind of thing.

He hated to admit it, but he had got a glimpse of his face, there was a purple coloured mark that spread over half his face, he wasn’t sure if it was a burn, scar or birthmark since it had been such a short glimpse though. Speckled across his cheeks, light orange freckles decorated his face, reaching from his lips,squeezed shut in embarrassment, to his eyes, wide and wild.

As if it couldn't get any better, apparently the noise of Dream’s fall had been loud enough to alert everyone that they were in the booth and very quickly Wilbur was banging on the door in hysterics. Hiding his face in his dirty palms, Dream attempted to open the door but found that it wasn’t moving.

Well fuck.

To say that Techno felt guilty would be an understatement, not only was Wilbur outside the door, practically taking it off its hinges with the amount of force he was exerting on it, Dream too had got hurt from Techno running off, he had fallen and scraped up his hands but, more importantly, he had broken his mask.

“It’s me and Techno!” Dream had called out, once he realised there was no point waiting for Techno to do it. “I think the door’s stuck”

Wilbur seemed to fumble with the door a little while longer before giving up and leaning against it, his voice sounded like he was in physical pain from not being with Techno, it felt horrible knowing he’d caused this. The brunette gave him simple instructions, one knock for yes and two for no. It was an easy way of communicating when they couldn’t even read body language

“Are you mad at me?”

He knocked twice, why would he be mad? Wil messed up but so had he. They’d both made emotional decisions without regard for the other, they’d screwed each other over and it could have easily been avoided with communication.

That being said, communication was hard when you’re seething with rage, so of course Techno wasn’t mad.

“Did I piss you off?”

Honestly? Yes he had. Whenever Wil, or any of his brothers, did something like this it pissed him off. It had been a small decision but it had hurt him so of course it pissed him off, so he gave one knock, not wanting to lie to his brother about how the situation made him feel. They had had plenty of conversations with their Therapist about how if they aren’t honest, situations can repeat themselves.

The next thing he heard was an apology, then he assumed Wil was talking to the other two members of the Dream Team since the conversation trailed off more into them trying to help him.

He was glad Wil wasn’t alone right now.

Looking behind him, Dream was still curled up, trying to hide his face with his grubby hands but it wasn’t working very well, there were still parts peeking through and that was obviously upsetting him by the way he frantically tried to move them into the right position. Not only that but it wasn’t like his hands were exactly clean either, they probably still had glass on from when he fell and they definitely were still covered in dirt.

The idea of him getting something like that in his eye made his stomach flip so, trying his hardest not to look directly at his face area, Techno took off his red coat and handed it to Dream, making a motion of putting it to his face before sitting down next to him.

Thankfully Dream was smart. He put his face in the hood of the coat and fasted the button on the back of his neck so it wouldn’t fall down.

“God, I bet I look like an idiot don't I?” The boy chuckled, using his hands to smooth it out to make sure nothing was visible.

“Thank you, I know we’ve been kinda the worst to you guys the past few weeks. I know it sounds like an excuse but we really didn’t mean to hurt you, we thought it was all a game y'know? You’re nice though. We kinda think the same, I think”

Techno nodded, Dream was intelligent and strategic and strong, they both had their problems but despite that they both also had their own personalities. While Techno was more reserved in public, being more assertive and confident when he was with his loved ones, Dream was the opposite, strong and assertive until he was comfortable, which is when the insecurities came back.

They were both very similar people, Dream knew they had the capacity to be friends if he worked hard at it.

“You didn’t….You didn’t see anything right?”

Above anything else, Techno hadn’t been expecting him to say that, of course it made sense, he didn’t show his face for a reason, but his demeanor had shifted so easily.

Dream was hard to read, he wasn’t even sure if he should tell the truth here. Lying was bad, he knew that, but sometimes telling the truth could hurt people.

Eventually, after almost a minute of staring blankly, Techno decided telling the truth was always the correct thing to do, even if it hurt in the short term maybe it would be better in the long term.

With extreme hesitancy, Techno nodded his head.

Dream’s breath seemed to hitch.

“It’s just- We moved around so much growing up right? I’ve had that mark for as long as I can remember! But people don’t understand when they see it, they think it’s weird and ugly and they’d always make fun of it when I went to new schools! And then...Then one day I bought a mask and it was so much better! Nobody thought that was ugly, they thought it was weird but weird is better than weird and ugly”

Words seemed to be coming out a mile a minute, if Techno didn’t know better, he would have guessed Dream had never had anyone to vent like this to before. Thinking back, he tried to remember how Phil comforted him whenever he was upset. It was mainly hugs and kind words.

Wrapping an arm around Dream had been the easy part, he may not have an intense craving for contact but if someone was upset he was hardly going to deprive them of it. The hard part was the ‘kind words’ section, for a moment he wondered if he could get away with staying silent but he distinctly remembered that Phil’s kind words were really the main thing that helped.

Fuck

Tuning everything out, Techno tried to focus all of his energy into talking, his throat and tongue felt swollen and his mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton wool. Thinking back yet again, he tried to remember techniques his speech therapist had taught both him and Wilbur. He wasn’t even trying to say anything yet and the sheer thought of talking had him feeling like he might hurl. There was one in particular that he was good at; Wil was supposed to say one number and Techno would say the next and so on. It was designed to slowly ease him into talking without the added stress of accidentally saying the wrong thing.

Wil wasn’t here right now though.

So he tried the next best thing, Dream.

Just rip it off, like a band-aid. Just rip it off, like a band-aid. Just rip it off, like a band-aid.

“One..” he muttered, almost inaudible as anxiety coursed through his veins, praying that Dream would understand what he was trying. Every bone in his body was telling him that he was somehow playing a dangerous game by talking, he just had to keep reminding himself that objectively there was nothing to be afraid of, he reminded himself of how proud Phil would be when he was able to tell him that he had managed it and on his own.

Dream didn’t seem to understand. He just sat staring at Techno with wide eyes, having clearly become accustomed to the boy being silent.

“You spoke?”

Techno nodded and then nodded again, towards his hands, showing one finger, then two fingers a couple times.

“Two?”

The smile on Techno’s face said it all, they’d practiced this technique so many times that he was sure he could get the words out now that Dream knew what they were doing.

“Three.”

Despite his smile and seemingly confident nature, his voice was evident that he was still very much anxious about what was happening.

“Four!”

Dream was smiling too now, not that Techno could see it through the hood, but it showed in his voice. He wasn’t sure if Dream really knew what was happening or if he thought they were counting for fun but he was glad the boy was helping anyway.

Together, they counted up to 30, Techno’s voice very slowly getting more and more confident and stable. By the time they were at 30, Techno’s voice still wasn’t exactly perfect, or nearly as strong as it was when he was with his brothers, but it was decent.

Looking away made talking easier, so he looked at the old rusted shutters and fiddled with his hair, absentmindedly braiding it as he sorted out what he was going to say in his head.

Phil was going to be so proud of him.

“It’s going to be okay. You’ll feel good about it one day”

The words were cut short and stiff, it had felt like he was having to physically push them out of his throat as he said it but God. He was so proud of himself.  

“Techno!!” Dream had practically squealed as he hugged the other boy “Thank you so much. I hope you know the same applies to you! One day you’re gonna be as loud as Tommy”

Techno smiled but rolled his eyes at that.

Nobody could ever be as loud as Tommy.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Promises Not Kept Part 22

Summary: Tommy Shelby made a promise to Jonah Ward while in the war. A promise he didn't keep. But it comes to haunt him when he tries to drown out his sorrows with a young woman.

Part 22: The truth comes out and Leah hopes it can help Tommy realize he needs to slow down.

          “Mumma?”

           “Yes, my love?”

           Charlie looked up from the anthill he had been examining. The little boy was laying in the grass on his stomach, peering down at the mound of dirt that had been built up by the insects. Curiously watching the line of ants traveling through the grass with bits of food, their methodical marching captivating his attention for a good while.

           Leah was lounging on a blanket a few feet away. She’d kicked off her shoes and stockings so she could feel the grass tickling her toes. Keeping Charlie in her peripheral vision, she basked in the warm August sun and read.

           “Why were you and Auntie Pol talking ‘bout babies?” Charlie asked casually.

           Leah jerked in surprise. She thought the little boy had been playing quietly in the room next door when she was talking to Polly. She thought he was well out of earshot, but apparently that wasn’t the case. “We uh…”

           “Auntie said you got a baby in your tummy.” Charlie pushed himself up and wandered over to the blanket to sit beside her.

           Leah cleared her throat and placed her book to the side. She had a sinking feeling that he wasn’t going to let her brush the conversation under the rug. “Well, poppet, I uh…” How on Earth could she explain pregnancy and childbirth to him when she hadn’t even told Tommy yet? Not to mention she wasn’t about to have that discussion with Charlie at such a young age. And yet, it was only a matter of time until she began to show. She already saw the baby bump, although others who were blissfully unaware, like Tommy, wouldn’t look twice.

           Gratefully, Leah saw Tommy walking across the lawn with the newspaper tucked under his arm. “Oh, look!” She redirected Charlie’s attention to his father. “Daddy’s come out to join us. Why don’t you go show him the anthill?”

           Charlie liked the idea and shot up like a rocket, dashing towards Tommy. The man smiled and scooped his son up. They had slowly begun to creep back towards normalcy after Tommy’s breakdown. He and Leah made a compromise that seemed to be doing well. He would leave the majority of the business up to Arthur. And in return, Leah would support his run for election. When he brought up the possibility of being a member of parliament, she thought he was kidding and laughed. Of course, she didn’t doubt his ability, he spoke like a politician when he needed to and he was more than clever enough. But this revelation came mere days after she found him on the floor in such a state of woe. So to hear that he was planning to embark on this big campaign was unbelievable to her. But he was dead serious and quickly showed her.

           Before long, he was setting up a plan of action. A way to get enough votes to secure the seat. That included the women’s vote. Leah wanted him to slow down. To take time to breathe after all they’d been through with Changretta. But she couldn’t deny that he was in better spirits. He didn’t seem so on edge or like he was forcing himself to be happy. She only wished that there would be a day when he could be satisfied with what he had.

           “‘N the ants get food and carry it up to the hill ‘cause that’s where they all live!” Charlie was chattering away as Tommy carried him back over to Leah.

           She smiled hesitantly and hoped Charlie had forgotten about his prior question.

           “Show me then.” Tommy set his son down, kneeling to observe the anthill. “They’re busy, aye? Always moving?”

           “Yeah!” Charlie beamed and plopped back down on the grass. “Daddy, guess what?”

           “What?”

           “Auntie Pol said mumma’s got a baby in her tummy.” He blurted out before Leah could try to stop him. “Isn’t that silly?”

           Tommy’s head snapped up in utter shock. His blue eyes finding Leah. Completely frozen, he barely heard Charlie continue to ramble on about how babies didn’t live in tummies and that Frances had said they were delivered by storks.

           Leah sheepishly met his bewildered stare. For a moment, she couldn’t read his expression. He obviously looked stunned but she couldn’t tell if it was in a happy or angry way. Then his eyebrow raised, asking her a question without speaking. He wanted to know whether it was true or not. Slowly, Leah nodded and let a hand slip to her abdomen.

           A second wave of shock knocked Tommy right in the gut. He shakily got to his feet and walked over to her. She stood to meet him and opened her mouth to explain. To apologize for not telling him earlier.

           But he didn’t give her the chance. Instead, he enveloped her in his arms, hugging her tightly. Leah let out a quivering laugh and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Tears came to her eyes, tears of relief. He wasn’t upset. He was happy. They could be happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~

          They didn’t talk about it until Charlie was asleep in bed. Tommy figured it would be better to discuss the best plan of action for telling his son. The little boy still thought it was a riot that Polly thought babies lived in people’s stomach.

                     “That’s where food goes, daddy, it’s so silly!”

         Tommy agreed that it was silly just so Charlie wouldn’t ask any more questions and further complicate the matter.

           “Did Polly tell you the gender?” Tommy asked quietly.

           They were sat in bed after Charlie had finally fallen asleep. Intertwined with each other as they spoke softly in the dimly lit room. Leah draped her legs over Tommy’s lap, her husband holding her close.

She pressed her forehead to his cheek and smiled. “A girl. Won’t that be perfect? Charlie’ll be the best older brother.”

Tommy smiled in disbelief. “A girl…” He whispered. “I can hardly believe it.”

           “I was so shocked but I’m happy.” Leah touched his cheek and lifted her head so she could meet his eyes. “Are you happy?”

           “Of course.” He replied genuinely. “It’s what we’ve wanted.”

           “I know, I just...I was worried that you’d be…” She sighed and chewed on her lip. “I wasn’t sure if it was the right time or not.”

           “Wouldn’t be a better time.” He responded and lightly grazed his fingertips up and down her thigh. “I said we’d have a family after everything was settled in Small Heath. It’s been settled so now we can have a family.” He made it sound so simple but Leah knew it was far more complicated. Especially once he announced his bid for a seat in parliament.

           But at least he was happy.

           “Think she’ll look like you? Blonde hair?” Tommy mused with a faint smile. He wound one of her honey-colored curls around his finger.

           Leah shook her head. “I want her to look like you. Blue eyes and dark hair. She’ll be beautiful.”

          “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, aye?” Tommy lifted his wife up and laid her down on the bed. Slowly, and with care, he hovered over her. He pressed his hands into the bed as he lowered himself to place kisses down her body. Pausing at her abdomen, he took in the slight bump that he could now see. The little swell of her stomach and the way it looked swathed in the cream-colored silk of her nightgown. Tommy was overwhelmed with a sense of joy and pride. A daughter. His beautiful wife was going to gift him a daughter.

           Smiling, Tommy kissed her stomach. Things were going to be perfect from then on. He just knew it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

   Charlie was thoroughly confused. One minute his nanny was telling him storks deliver babies and now his parents were saying otherwise. He was sitting in the big room by the fire. His feet just barely dangling off the deep armchair that Tommy had sat him down in. Leah was perched on the arm of the chair, her hand affectionately smoothing back his blond hair. Tommy was kneeling in front of Charlie, a hand placed on his son’s knee.

           “M’I in trouble?” Charlie sunk into himself, looking a little sheepish. Maybe his father had found out he was the one that knocked over the vase in the foyer because he was roughhousing with Cyril. He’d blamed it on a ghost but wasn’t sure it had really worked or not.

           “No, poppet,” Leah assured him. “Daddy and I just have some news to talk to you about.”

           Tommy smiled. “Charles, what would you say about being a big brother in a few months?” He asked.

           Charlie’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Big brother?”

           “You’d have a little baby brother or sister. Like your cousin Billy. He’s a baby, right?” Leah murmured.

           “Oh. Okay.” The little boy suddenly perked up. “So the stork’s r’gonna bring me a baby!” He appeared overjoyed at the idea of getting a present when it wasn’t even Christmas or his birthday yet. “When?”

           “Well, it’s going to take some time. Mum’s got to deliver the baby.” Tommy tried skirting around the uncomfortable conversation of where children came from. But he was also afraid that Charlie would freak out once Leah began to show.

           “Mum delivers the baby...but she’s not a stork.” Charlie looked even more confused.

           “The baby’s going to live in my stomach until they’re grown enough to be born.” Leah hoped that would be enough of an explanation but of course, it wasn’t.

            The thought made Charlie’s eyes widen in horror. “Mum ate a baby!?” He yelled.

           Tommy did his best not to burst out laughing. He put a hand over his mouth to stifle the reaction and let Leah take over for a bit.

           “No, poppet, that’s where babies come from. They don’t come from storks.” She winced. It would be one of the first blows to Charlie’s childhood imagination. Hopefully, it would be some time until they had to break the news that Tommy was Santa Claus.

           The boy pouted and crossed his arms over his chest in defiance. “Frances said they did.”

           “Frances was just telling stories, Charlie.” Tommy regained his composure.

           “Oh.” Charlie was still perplexed. “So the baby is in mumma’s belly.”

           “That’s right, and soon you’ll be able to feel the baby kick,” Leah explained. “Won’t that be exciting.”

           The boy squirmed in his seat. That did not sound exciting, in fact, it sounded mildly terrifying to him. “I guess…”

           “When the baby’s born you’ll be able to show them the horses.” Tommy tried to get his son excited for the new arrival. It wouldn’t do anyone good if he suddenly got possessive and jealous. “You’ll be able to teach them so many things.”

           Charlie seemed a little pleased at the notion that he would be older. He was getting to be the age where he resented being called a baby. And although he loved affection, he sometimes got a little huffy if Leah babied him too much. “Okay.” He straightened up a little. “So when will the baby come?” He wondered.

           “In about seven months,” Leah answered. “We can mark it on daddy’s calendar.”

           “That’s such a long time!” Charlie complained.

           “Trust me it’ll go by fast.” Tommy sighed and stood up. He remembered how fast Grace’s pregnancy went. One moment he learned she was expecting, the next he was being brought into the room to meet his firstborn. And Charlie sprouted like a weed. Sometimes the man was utterly shocked to see how tall his son had gotten. It seemed like only yesterday he was holding a little bundle. He hoped that time would slow down so he could enjoy his family.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           But before he knew it, Leah was as big as could be. The date Charlie marked on his calendar was coming extremely close. Tommy put a pause to his campaign for a little bit just so he would be around if his wife unexpectedly went into early labor.

           Polly said that most likely wouldn’t be the case. She was as healthy as can be, glowing just like Grace did. Tommy’s aunt assured him that the baby would be born when the first flowers of spring were just starting to open up. And it appeared she was going to be right, as always.

           It was early morning in mid-April when Tommy went downstairs to have a smoke. The pregnancy had made Leah sensitive to the smell of cigarettes, making her nauseous almost immediately. So Tommy had to make sure he was on another floor to avoid making her sick. He wasn’t strong enough to quit quite yet.

           He exhaled a breath of smoke and wandered over to the windows in his office. The rose bushes that lined the house had begun to crawl up to the window sill. The thorny buds were just starting to show hints of scarlet red colored petals. Tommy guessed they were only a week or two away from unfurling. So if Polly’s predictions were right, Leah was due any day.

           Finishing up the cigarette, Tommy found the packet of gum he’d started to keep in his desk. The mint chicle washing away the taste of nicotine so Leah wouldn’t be able to taste it if she kissed him. It was never a good sign when your pregnant wife pulled away from a kiss and looked sick to her stomach. So Tommy picked up the habit of brushing his teeth or chewing gum to avoid that reaction again.

           He went back upstairs to return to bed and found Charlie had taken his place. The Blinder chuckled under his breath and scooped his son up. “What’re you doing?”

           “Wanted to feel baby kick.” Charlie latched onto Tommy, his brown eyes sleepy.

           Tommy laid down, letting the boy sprawl out on his chest like he used to when he was just a baby. “Mumma’s asleep.”

           “I know but baby didn’t kick last night!” Charlie complained. He was absolutely chuffed when he first felt a kick against Leah’s stomach weeks earlier. He thought it would be weird, but the experience left him smiling and waiting patiently for another kick. He spent his nights curled up with Leah as she told him a story before bed. He would quietly whisper things to her stomach, but it was too soft to understand exactly what he was saying. Still, Charlie was convinced that the baby understood him.

           “Well, she was probably asleep,” Tommy replied.

           “Who was asleep?” Leah yawned and turned over. Her eyes were still closed but she was clearly awake.

           Tommy always got a sense of pride when he saw her bump. To say he was overly affectionate was an understatement. He took every opportunity to show his wife how pleased he was. She was enduring the pregnancy all while rarely complaining. In fact, sometimes it was hard to tell who was more excited about the baby. More often than not, Tommy and Leah would talk quietly before they went to sleep. Discussing names for their daughter, what day they thought she would be born, what features she would get from which parent, or what her first word might be. It always left them smiling as they fell asleep, dreaming about their daughter.

           “The baby,” Charlie answered. “‘Cause she didn’t kick last night.”

           “Oh, right.” Leah yawned again and opened her eyes, blinking a few times. She smiled when she saw her husband and son curled up together. Soon three would become four. Five if they were counting Cyril who had decided to start sleeping at the end of their bed.

           Charlie mimicked her yawn and closed his eyes. “Still sleepy.” He mumbled.

           “Then sleep, poppet.” Leah moved closer to Tommy and smoothed Charlie’s hair back. “Sleep a bit longer.”

           She didn’t need to say it twice, the boy was fast asleep within another five minutes.

           Tommy gently rubbed his son’s back as he slept. “You sleep well?” He asked.

           Leah hummed and nodded. “I had a dream.” She told him.

           “Yeah? What about?”

           “Your brother. John.”

           Tommy chewed on the inside of his cheek. Sadness always seeped through him whenever he thought about his fallen brother. It was hard not to miss him. “Did he say anything?”

           Leah shook her head and reached for Tommy’s hand. “No.” She squeezed it comfortingly. “He simply smiled. And I was thinking, maybe we name the baby after him.”

           “Pol thinks we’re having a daughter.” He reminded her. They always spoke about their baby as a girl. Polly had such a reputation that they only assumed she was right.

           “I know, so I was thinking about names. How does Johanna sound? Johanna Elizabeth Shelby?”

           Tommy chuckled. “My aunt convinced you to name our daughter after her?” He raised an eyebrow.

           Leah smiled and shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I?”

           There was no arguing that. “Johanna Shelby.” He tested out the name and nodded. “I like it.”

           “You do? We could call her Jo for short. Maybe Joey?” She giggled softly. “Wouldn’t that be just adorable?”

           He chuckled and wrapped an arm around his wife. “Whatever you say, love.” He murmured and kissed her hair. The roses would be blooming soon. “But maybe we give her another name? Johanna Elizabeth Rose?” He offered.

           “Rose?” Leah looked up at him. “Why does that name come to mind?”

           “Because Polly said she’ll be here when they bloom. And I’m hoping this brings a new chapter to our lives. A new spring. Get rid of all the hurt we felt through the winter of last year.”

           Leah smiled and nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder. “Thomas Shelby, you could be a poet.” She cooed.

           “A politician needs to speak well. I think I’ll stick with that.” He shared a smile with her and drew her close for a kiss.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla​ @giftofdreams​ @biba3434​ @kimmietea​ @karmezii​ @enrapturedbythemoon​ @vampgirl1997​ @tarafaithe​

Tag list: @shelbyblinded​

Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[lady-divine-writes]

ACITW AU one-shot “Downward Facing Doubts” (Rated M)

Summary: Kurt convinces Sebastian to join him, Olivia, Julian, and Cooper in a yoga class. 'Bribe' is actually the more accurate term. But whereas the endorphins released during exercise usually make people feel good, this time, they bring all sorts of doubts to the surface. (3760 words)

Notes: Takes place some time after 'Under the Fireworks' and references 'I Was Praying for You and Me'.

Part of ACITW AU extended verse

Read on AO3.

“Extend your arms out to your sides, then raise them over your head …” Yogi Cecile instructs, her soothing alto voice threading through the airy music playing over circular speakers scattered in Feng Shui formation throughout the studio. “Bend your back gently into a crescent moon …”

Sebastian breathes in sharply as he attempts the move, his shoulders quaking involuntarily as he tries to deepen the stretch. He finds his balance point, quite by surprise, then fights to hold it, difficult since his focus keeps drifting, his eyes darting to the side to check out the competition. He scowls, not thrilled at being one-upped by Julian who, infuriatingly, performs the move like an expert. But of course he would, Sebastian thinks with a bitter roll of his eyes, one that gives him a major headache with his head pulled back. Didn’t he claim that he attended some month-long yoga retreat in the High Desert for the sole purpose of fellating himself?

Even if Sebastian is a bit fuzzy on the particulars, his head swimming with a mixture of dizziness and pain that’s one more deep breath away from making him puke, that definitely sounds like the kind of thing Julian would do.

Olivia and Kurt, lined up to Sebastian’s right, switch from pose to pose without breaks, extending their arms and bending their backs as if standing on one leg and staring horizontally up at the pale pink ceiling were the normal position for, say, grabbing a coffee or looking at shoes. At least Sebastian isn’t faring the worst in their group. No, that honor goes to Cooper. Capping off their row to the far left of Julian, Cooper starts losing his balance, teetering forward dangerously towards a handful of innocent strangers unaware of the 180 pound man on the brink of bowling towards them.

“How …?” Sebastian starts, talking on the crest of an inhaled breath he’s running out of as he contorts into another ludicrous pose.

“Did you let me talk you into joining a yoga class?” Kurt finishes, sliding smoothly from a crescent moon into the next forward bend. “That’s easy. You’ll do anything for a blow---”

Olivia clears her throat loudly when she spots their instructor heading their way, eyes originally glued to Sebastian’s crooked posture but hopping to Kurt’s smug grin when the word ‘blow’ sneaks past his lips.

“Straighten your spine … lean forward … brace your hands on the mat in front of you … and extend one leg back to a half downward dog.” Cecile circles their quintet twice and Kurt thinks she’s about to scold them. They haven’t been properly engaged since the start of class. But then she hurries off to help another young lady square her hips.

“I refuse to believe that I’m that simple-minded,” Sebastian grouses, working on stabilizing his own hips before he extends his leg. He dips to the side but manages to catch himself. Cooper isn’t quite as lucky, careening forward like a downed Cessna and smacking the bridge of his nose on his cork yoga block. He drops to his knees, shaking his head to clear the stars out from behind his eyes. Julian falls out of formation to give him a hand up and helps him restore his stance.

“Well, I promised you that bj for after this class and you’re still here,” Kurt says, lips curling into the shadow of a smirk. “You draw your own conclusions.”

“You draw your own conclusions …” Sebastian mimics. He wobbles once. Then twice. He sucks in his stomach to save himself without locking his knees (since Cecile told them at the start of class that locking their knees was bad). But his foot rolls and he’s forced to put the other down to support himself. He tries again … and again … but Sebastian doesn’t successfully execute the move before they’re changing positions.

Kurt rotates up on one leg and transitions into a picture perfect tree pose. He opens an eyelid and peeks at Sebastian, taking in a deep breath through his nose and schooling his face into a mask of meditation so he doesn’t laugh out loud and disrupt the class more than Sebastian’s fumbling through the stances already has.

“Maybe it’s because … mmph … I’m so tall … grrr … that I’m not getting it,” Sebastian offers, stuttering upright in stages, ending in a slumped, unsteady tree.

Kurt turns his head left and looks at Sebastian directly beside him, meeting him eye-to-eye. He arches an eyebrow.

Sebastian pulls an undignified face.

“Sometimes …” their yoga instructor says as she makes the rounds, correcting the posture of the needier students. She has already been to help Sebastian five times during this one-hour lesson, and Cooper too many times for Kurt to count. She flashes Julian an impressed smile and a nod. He winks at her in response “… it is not the balance outside that is needed, but inside.” She puts a hand to Sebastian’s back and one to his stomach, pushing together to force him straight. “The anxiety in your life, the stress, the regrets of your past - they settle in your core.” She pats Sebastian on the stomach. Removing her hand causes his belly to stick back out a hair, and he sways dangerously in Kurt’s direction. Cecile shakes her head and sets Sebastian straight again. “Negative influences roll around and throw you out-of-whack. But yoga and meditation will set you right again.” She stands back and appraises the two men standing side by side, so similar in appearance but obviously a couple with the way they’ve been playfully bickering, and gives them a smile. Then she continues on her way.

“Doesn’t that sound familiar?” Kurt says with a fond grin.

“Yeah.” Sebastian grunts. “Why is it we’re forever getting life advice from graduates of The Learning Annex?”

Both Kurt and Olivia scoff.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with The Learning Annex, but I will have you know that Cecile is an expert in her field!” Olivia says.

“An expert in standing on one foot and stretching her arms over her head? Excuse me if I’m not all that impressed.”

“You should be,” Julian intervenes. “You can’t do it.”

“Maybe I don’t want to do it!”

“Boys, boys,” Olivia whispers when heads turn their way. “Let’s keep it down to a dull roar, please. And remember to breathe.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Kurt says, making a big show of following her lead, breathing in through his nose and then out through his mouth. “We’re here to meditate. Relax. Realign our chakras.”

“Someone’s going to have to realign poor Cooper’s spine by the time we’re done,” Olivia remarks, a giggle hidden in her voice. With Kurt’s eyelids shut and Cooper two whole people away, Kurt doesn’t see what the man is doing, but immediately after Olivia’s comment, he hears Cooper apologize profusely.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m so sorry. I really … yes, sir. I’m sorry. Oh, r-really? That’s very kind of you. Slash savings, yup. I can sign that for you, if you’d like …”

Kurt bites his tongue behind his teeth. Good old Cooper, still able to get some mileage out of that FreeCreditRatingToday gig.

It’s nice to know some things never change.

“For your information, I regret nothing,” Sebastian whisper-hisses after a pause, his body cramping as he tries to maintain his corrected tree pose.

Kurt sighs.

Yup. Some things never change. And some things rise up from the grave from time to time to haunt you, like Hamlet’s father, only with swoopier bangs, wearing basketball shorts and a Tommy Hilfiger v-neck.

“Ah, you protest too much, Sebby,” Julian murmurs, remaining purposefully vague as this is definitely not the time nor place to drudge up old angst. He leaves things there, snapping back into an impeccable tree pose after helping Coop up off the floor again.

“Besides …” Sebastian side-steps his brother to finish making his point “… if that’s the case, then you should mondo-suck at this, Kurt! I mean, let’s take a look at your past, shall we? The year of tragic style choices, dating Blaine, choosing New Directions and that lame ass public school over Dalton and the Warblers … whoa!” Sebastian drops his hip and his shoulder during his rant, causing him to rock to the outside edge of his foot. He barely keeps himself from twisting an ankle and going straight down. “Your life must be chock full of regrets!”

“Uh … let’s not forget that one of those past life decisions was agreeing to date you, little brother,” Julian steps in, jumping swiftly to Kurt’s defense.

Sebastian may have retorted with something along the lines of, “That’s the only intelligent decision he made,” but Kurt doesn’t know for certain. He shuts up like a clam - locks his teeth together and blocks Sebastian and his infernal whining out. He inhales long and zeroes in on the music - the gentle plucking of strings, the tinkling of bells, the flutes holding sustained notes, giving the class an anchor with which to control their breathing. There he remains, floating in the cradle of dark behind his eyelids. A bigger man rises above petty retorts, Kurt can hear his father say, concentrating on repairing his own withering tree pose. He simply needs to be the bigger man.

If he reacts thoughtlessly, does something rash, he might regret it.

Sebastian is simply having a bad day.

They don’t have days like this very often. This is just … well, one of those days. And Kurt is willing to let it go, let it pass like the rhythmic breaths through his lips. But Sebastian broke a cardinal rule.

He mentioned Blaine, which they both swore on the threat of blue balls that neither one of them would do. Especially in anger.

Kurt can only assume Sebastian is uncomfortable here. Sebastian doesn’t like not being the best at everything from go, which is probably why he’s bearing claws and teeth right now. It reminds Kurt of their days taking dance lessons - the two of them butting heads, fighting to lead when it didn’t really need to be one or the other.

It could have been both, paving a single fluid path had they come to a consensus from the start.

But here, they stand on their own two feet - or one foot at the moment, with their hands above their heads. They sink or swim on their own. Cecile calling Sebastian out more than likely didn’t help matters any. No one likes to be the center of attention when they’re flailing. Kurt feels guilty about that, that he’s not closer to Sebastian, reaching out a hand to help him the way Julian is for Cooper.

Kurt opens an eyelid and peeks over. He sees Sebastian, the man he loves, struggling, fighting to regain balance. A balance that Kurt has in spades. A balance that Kurt would be more than willing to help him with, lend him some of.

Suddenly, Sebastian mutters something uncomplimentary under his breath, and Kurt feels less than willing.

He actually considers reaching over and giving Sebastian a push. One swat would send him toppling backward. Kurt has seen Sebastian fall on his ass plenty.

It would be hilarious.

But he can’t do it.

And not because Sebastian might take half a dozen other students with him when he goes, but because after a little quiet contemplation, Kurt realizes that Sebastian may not be lashing out because he can’t do yoga.

The thought that he wouldn’t be as good at this as he is at everything else is preposterous. He’s an exceptional athlete and a graceful dancer. Yoga shouldn’t be that great a hardship for him.

Sebastian may be lashing out because he feels backed into a corner. This has happened before - several times, as a matter of fact, and with Kurt. Sebastian starts to feel trapped, forgets himself, and comes out barrels blazing, shooting first and asking questions later. But what about? What could he possibly feel trapped about?

It comes to Kurt with a single, subtle movement - something he’s started doing recently. Something that had never been a habit of Kurt’s before.

Rolling his engagement ring on his finger.

The ring is a fairly recent accessory, given to him in fairy tale fashion underneath Fourth of July fireworks with everyone he loves present at the picturesque Smythe estate. But their journey to this point has been a bumpy one. There have been fights, misunderstandings, crossroads, a break up. But here they are, together, standing tall …

Another glance in Sebastian’s direction proves that’s not entirely true. He stumbles backward … then forward … then backward again, like he’s performing a clumsy two-step on the deck of a listing ship without a partner.

Could this ring on Kurt’s finger be the reason? Could it be one of Sebastian’s regrets? Could he be re-thinking the whole thing?

As ridiculous as that may sound, it has crossed Kurt’s mind once or twice before. Nothing bad has happened between them since that night - no devastating fights, nothing that would threaten their overall happiness. Even Julian has kept his shameless flirting to a minimum. But Kurt has abandonment issues. Severe ones.

They run deep.

To his defense, Kurt did consult an expert about his feelings.

He’d asked Olivia her opinion on the subject.

She’s privy to the grim details of his backstory, of course, so he can be as dramatic as he wants around her without sounding like a self-serving ninny. She’d waited patiently for him to finish, smiled warmly, and said, “Kurt, Sebastian loves you. More than he’s ever loved anything in his whole life. Loves you more than he’s ever loved himself.”

“How do you know?”

“How do you not know?” she’d replied with that faint roll of her eyes that the Smythe siblings seem to share. “I know my brother. And even if, for some reason, he didn’t love you as much as I know he does, we do. The whole family.”

“So you’d keep in touch if anything went south between us?” Kurt had never thought to ask. The Smythes were such a loyal family, he feared the answer would be no. But they’d already invited him into their home once before after he and Sebastian split up - that Christmas when Kurt’s father ended up in the hospital. The Smythes let him spend the holidays with them, supported him throughout that entire ordeal. Luck seemed to be on his side that year. His father came out of the hospital unscathed when Kurt feared to the depths of his soul that he wouldn’t.

How long could his good fortune hold out, especially if he were the reason they split up again?

“You’re one of us, Kurt,” she’d assured him. “Part of the clan. And we don’t ditch clan members, no matter what their transgressions. Besides …” She stirred creamer into her coffee with the biggest, twisted grin on her face “… Julian would marry you.”

Kurt choked on his mocha. “What?”

“You, him, and Cooper would become a thruple. We’ve discussed it … at length.”

“You what!?”

“Take you as a lover was the way he put it. I have to admit, that has a lovely Victorian ring to it. You’re a hopeless romantic, aren’t you?”

Kurt laughs to himself remembering the look on Olivia’s face as he spilled his drink and she snorted her coffee.

Sebastian must feel Kurt’s eyes on him because he turns his face to Kurt, red-cheeked, frustrated to the point of angry tears. Kurt feels his heart wrench, tightening into a knot of pure sorrow.

Why now though? What could have happened that Kurt didn’t see coming? And why would Sebastian bring up Blaine?

There was a time long ago when Kurt thought he couldn’t live without Blaine and a ring on his finger. That’s far from true. He can more than stand on his own. Ironically, it took dating Sebastian to remind himself of that. Probably because when you’re with someone who supports you selflessly, who only wants the best for you, it brings out the best in you.

“Kurt …” Sebastian whimpers. It’s pained - a pain Kurt feels pinging around his chest.

“Sebastian …” Kurt mouths back, voice unavailable past the ache.

Kurt could live without Sebastian. He could. But he doesn’t want to if he can help it.

Standing here, staring into Sebastian’s eyes, feels like falling in love with him all over again, even if Sebastian is planning on leaving him.

But Kurt isn’t falling.

Sebastian is, coming his way and fast.

“Kurt … help me, Kurt!”

“Sebastian!” Kurt yelps.

Unable to decide whether he should try to catch his boyfriend or get out of the way, he does neither, taking Sebastian’s weight full force in the chest. Reflexively, he wraps his arms around Sebastian instead of dodging for his own safety. He lands flat on his back with a spine-bruising crack! but that’s not where it ends. Unable to stop his momentum in time, Sebastian lands on top of Kurt, checking him in the nose with his shoulder so hard, Kurt almost blacks out.

“Kurt!” Olivia yells, racing to his side. “Sebastian, get off of him! Oh my God! Kurt!”

“Sebby!” Julian barks, yanking Sebastian to his feet, completely unconcerned with any injuries of his brother’s and staring at Kurt with wide, bugged-out eyes. “You killed Kurt!”

“I didn’t kill him!”

“Doesn’t matter! I’m calling mom!”

“Call an ambulance first, you dunderhead!”

Cooper pushes through the crowd to hand Julian his phone. “He’s bleeding!” he points out, voice thick with concern, then shaking like a leaf when he adds, “a lot. I … I don’t like …” Another heavy thud vibrates the wood floor as Cooper disappears from view.

“Jesus Christmas …” Olivia mumbles. “Men.”

“Tell me about it,” Kurt grumbles.

“Kurt!” Sebastian takes Kurt’s hands carefully in his while Cecile leans in low to examine Kurt’s face. She tsks.

“Sit tight, hun. I’m going to get you some ice.”

“Paramedics are on the way,” Julian informs them as he kneels down to tend to an unconscious Cooper. “I told them to send an ambulance built for two.”

“Are you okay?” Sebastian rushes, looking Kurt over closely, doing an examination of his own. “What hurts? Can you hear me? Speak to me!?”

“How can I?” Kurt moans, content after that to never speak again for as long as he lives. It wouldn’t be too bad. He could learn ASL. He’s always wanted to. He nearly guffaws out loud when the thought he can take a Learning Annex course springs to his brain. “You won’t shut up long enough to let me!”

“I’m sorry, Kurt. I’m … I’m sorry,” Sebastian babbles. “I didn’t mean to ...”

“You do have regrets, don’t you?” Kurt asks, sadly shaking his head. Or trying to. He budges it a centimeter. It screams at him to stop!

Sebastian’s brow furrows. “What the---? Everyone has regrets, Kurt.”

“What are yours?”

“What? I …” Sebastian’s chest shudders, closer to tears than Kurt had previously realized. “That you’re right. That you’re always right.”

Kurt frowns. “Gee. Thanks.”

“I am simple minded. I didn’t want to do this. I knew I wouldn’t be any good at it. And that’s not an opinion. It’s a fact. I went to gymnastics camp as a kid, so I know my limits.”

“You did?” Kurt says, stunned out of remembering he’s in a blistering amount of pain.

“That’s right!” Olivia gasps, pleased as punch that she has another embarrassing story to tell Kurt about his soon-to-be-husband. “How did I forget about Sebastian in that purple unitard!?”

“A story for another time,” Sebastian dismisses forcefully through clenched teeth.

“All right, all right,” Olivia says, pulling out her phone, checking to see if she has any pictures of that event uploaded to her gallery, giving Kurt and Sebastian privacy (figuratively) for the moment.

“The point is,” Sebastian continues, “I should have told you from the beginning that I couldn’t do this.”

You did, Kurt thinks with a pang of regret that eclipses the throbbing in his nose. You did, and I convinced you to come anyway. “So … what about us?”

Sebastian’s face crumbles imperceptibly, as if, with those four words, he’s expecting the worse. “Wh-what about us?”

“Do you have regrets about us?”

“What?” Moss-green eyes pop open so fast, Kurt swears he hears them, like the foley on an anime. “No! What makes you think that?”

“Well, you fell. And Cecile said …”

“Kurt! I fell because I have no balance to speak of! I can’t do yoga. At all, as it turns out. This isn’t The Fault in Our fucking Stars, babe! Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, not a metaphor.” He leans down to kiss the knuckles of Kurt’s hand trapped between his. “I don’t have any regrets about us. I swear I don’t.”

Kurt closes his eyes, the left swelling rapidly, skin turning an alarmingly vivid shade of aubergine. A tear slips from the corner and down his cheek. It’s hot, and everything it touches stings.

Sebastian swallows hard and asks a question he’s wondered about hundreds of times, a question he keeps finding himself asking, never settling in comfortably with the answer. Which is always the same, no matter what.

“Do … do you have any regrets?”

Kurt sniffles before he answers. “Recently?”

Okay, well, maybe not the same this time.

“I guess …”

“Only one.”

“Does it have something to do with me?”

“Yes, but only a teeny bit.”

“And what’s that?” Sebastian asks, holding his breath immediately after, readying himself for whatever barb Kurt chooses to throw.

“That we’re never going to be able to come to this studio again.” Kurt smiles weakly, wincing when he scrunches his nose and pain shoots straight up the bridge to his brain. “And I think you broke my nose.”

Sebastian kisses Kurt’s hand, sputtering a half-laugh/half-cry of relief. “It matches your black eye.”

Kurt fixes his good eye on Sebastian and grimaces - the safest expression of displeasure he can make with his face on the brink of exploding.

“No worries, love,” Julian pipes in, saving Sebastian as tears finally start to fall. “The crooked nose thing isn’t quite in anymore, but I can see you bringing it back. You wear it well.”

“Fuck you both very much,” Kurt mutters.

Julian winks, stepping aside as paramedics rush in. “Promises, promises.”

[chasing-dreamers]

Close encounters

This is my entry for Patricia’s Halloween Challenge!

#12: “I paid $50.00 for this haunted house. I better die.”

#53: “There will be a lot of screaming tonight.”

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Word Count: 5.6k 

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Billy Hargrove or Stranger Things. This is completely fiction and made up.

A/N: I totally finished this within the first couple weeks and have been waiting to post this, just so I wouldn’t post it too early! Then I started working again and completely forgot about it. This is also the first time I have done anything like this and shared it this publicly.

-

Halloween. It’s literally the BEST day in the entire year. Candy. Costumes. Scary movies. Parties. Oh, and a possible Demogorgon every now and again. You know, usual Hawkins Halloween celebrations.

Thankfully we hadn’t seen any Demogorgons in almost a week and everyone in the lab were getting closer to closing the gate. They we reminded us frequently to stay cautious, but we weren’t going to let the worry of it get in the way of having a good night.

“Okay. So, these shorts or these ones?” I held up two pairs of short jeans in front of myself.

“Hmmm...” Robin tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “I like the red ones, but you have to wear your AC/DC shirt with them.”

“Are you sure?” I grabbed the shirt out of my closet, went into my bathroom, and changed quickly. I went back into my room and stood in front of the mirror. “SO, like this?”

“Tuck your shirt in and please, for just once, keep your hair down.” Robin sighed.

“Do I have to?” I whined. My hair was a curly mess all the time and I hated it.

“Yes!” Robin said. “Who knows, maybe your knight in shining armor will show up?”

“What is up with you and Nancy always teasing me about him!” I glared at her. I turned back into the mirror and tried to get my hair to fall where I wanted it to, but there was no point.

“Because you're actually obsessed with him,” Robin teased. “and I didn't even have to say his name.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Billy Hargrove.” Robin shook her head. “I don’t know what you see in him, Y/N.”

“I don’t know either.” Billy was literally everything I wanted. Well, mostly. The guy was probably the biggest asshole I had ever met, but he was so god damn gorgeous. “It’s just a crush. It’s not like I have a chance with him or anything.”

“If he doesn’t realize that you are literally the coolest girl in Hawkins.” Robin stated. “Then he is actually the dumbass everyone says he is.”

“Yeah, I guess your right.” I chuckled.

“Hey guys! Hurry up!” Nancy walked into my room and grinned when she saw me. “Ooooo, look at you. Someone got all fancy for Billy.”

“Shut up, Nancy!” I groaned and we all giggled. I grabbed my backpack, made sure the walkie and other things I needed were in it, then followed the girls downstairs. Steve and Jonathan were sitting in the living room with my parents. “Are we all ready to go?”

“Yes!” Steve exclaimed and threw his arms up dramatically. “We were just waiting on the princess!”

“I am not a princess.” I rolled my eyes. “I just couldn’t figure out what to wear.”

“Well, you just proved his point.” Jonathan laughed.

“Watch it Byers.” I shot him a look and chuckled. “Do we have everything we need?”

“Yupp. Here’s your bat.” Steve tossed me the nail covered bat and I threw it over my shoulder

“Alright. Let’s get this show on the road.”

“Hold on!” My mom grabbed her camera off the table.

“Mom!’ I whined.

“No, Y/N. You know the rules!” My dad scolded me.

“Alright. Fine!” I sighed. I grabbed the others and made them stand next to me.

“1, 2, 3, cheese!”

 -

Click. Click. Click.

“Mom! You have taken like a million pictures!” I groaned as my mom stood there snapping away with her camera.

“Okay! Okay! Okay!” My mom chuckled and began to shoo us out the door. “Go have fun! And no boys, Missy! And why do you have to take that ugly bat everywhere?”

“Bears, mom. Duh!” Steve opened the door and we started walking out.

Right before I left the house, my mom walked over to me and started messing with my hair. “We have to have something done about this hair of yours.”

“Mom come on. Stop!” I shook my hair away from her and huffed. “Robin already tried.”

“Stay safe, Y/N.” My mom started lecturing again. “And I’m serious, no running into the woods with any boys.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her, Mrs. Y/L/N!” Nancy waved behind us, as we quickly tried to walk out the door.

“Thank you, dear!” My mom stood on the porch and waved as we headed down the driveway.

We all piled into Jonathan’s car since it could seat all of us, pulled out of my driveway, and headed to the forest. The haunted trail was a new thing the mayor decided we had to do. Pretty sure it was just his way of getting more money in his pocket. I mean, why else would a haunted trail cost $50.00.

-

We got to the field where the beginning of the trail was set up. A few feet away were a few food stands and small carnival games. The boys had just arrived on their bikes and were wearing their signature Ghostbuster outfits. Jonathan parked the car and they put their bikes right next to it. We all started laughing as we could hear them singing the Ghostbuster’s theme song.

“Who you gonna call?”

“THE NERDS!” I laughed as I jumped out the back and the boys all shot me dirty looks.

“Really, Y/N? Really?” Dustin scolded.

“Oh. Come on. You guys are such nerds.” I chuckled. El and Max giggled as other boys rolled their eyes at me. We all grouped together at the front entrance of the forest.

We all got our walkies out and made sure we were all on the same channel. “Y/N and Nancy, you have the front entrance. We cut up the trail into different sections on what it is going on in that area. All of you have map and a list of where we will be inside. Everyone will stay inside the trail with everyone else. If ANYTHING happens, use your walkie, and if you have to run; Hopper said we can go straight to his cabin and hide out there.” Dustin directed.

“Got it, Dad!” Steve shouted as he ran into the forest first with Jonathan right behind him. The party went in after them. Then El, Max, and Robin went it. I sighed.

“This is lame.” I huffed and leaned against the tree next to me. “We have to just sit here all night, take tickets, and listen to people complaining because it’s $50.00 to walk through a forest.”

“Would you rather be in there with them?” Nancy shrugged.

“There is NO WAY I am going into that forest.” I shook my head. “Not even if you paid me.”

“But what if Mr. ‘He’s-So-Hot-I-Could-Die’ showed up?” Nancy smirked.

“I should have never told you too that.” I laughed. “Plus, he will be with them and they are the last people on the planet I would want anything to do with. I definitely wouldn’t go into a god damn forest with them.”

“You never know.” She grinned. Oh, I knew. No way. As much as I was obsessed with him, I never had a chance. Even though I would go with him, I’d die before I went with anyone else he hung out with.

“I just don’t have a chance.” I shook my head in defeat. “It’s 5 til 8. People should start lining up here soon.”

“He will show up.” Nancy said, putting in her last thought about it. “Just you wait.”

-

It had been about an hour after the haunted trail opened, and ticket sales were higher than I expected. Even though everyone complained when we first heard about it, it was the only thing for anyone over the age of 13 to do. Except getting shit faced and partying, which is what I thought everyone would have been doing.

“I SO told you so.” I was taking someone’s ticket as I felt Nancy’s fist connect with my arm.

“Those are actually the last people I want to see tonight.” I huffed. Tommy H, Carol, and Nicole. Literally the worst trio ever. Then I realized Nancy was right. Billy did show up. I stood there in awe as he shuffled his feet around. He was mindlessly crewing his nails and you could see the muscles in his jaw tighten. His hair was falling into his face perfectly and his eyes sparkled in the light. My heart leaped into my throat as I noticed his chest and torso were completely bare under his jacket. His was made by the gods and I could stare at him forever. I looked back up to his face and those blue eyes were staring right back at me. “Shit!”

“Were you staring hard enough, Y/N!” Nancy half shouted; half whispered at me.

“I’m sorry! Look at him!” I groaned. I went back to taking tickets for the kids that were standing in front of me. I looked back over to where they were standing. Tommy and Carol seemed very eager to get into the woods. Nicole was too busy trying to get to Billy’s attention, but he showed no interest in her.

“Billy is TOTALLY staring at you!” Nancy nodded and jabbed me in my side.

I shoved her back and hissed at her. “Nancy, shut up. He’s not even here to see me.”

“How can you be so sure about that, princess?” Excuse me? What is happening! Why is he standing right here!

“Because you came here with me, Billy. Come on.” Nicole explained as she stomped over to him and tried to wrap her arm around him.

Billy rolled his eyes and tightened his jaw. “No, Nicole. No, I didn’t. Now get in there before you have to go by yourself.”

Nicole shoved the ticket into my hand, then went back to where Tommy and Carol were.

Nancy winked at me and giggled as I shot her a dirty look. I turned back towards Billy and he was standing even closer to me.

“So, what do you say, Y/N? Care to join me?” Billy purred.

“Nah., I think I’ll pass.” I shrugged.

“Why not? It could be like a date.” He smiled even more, and I could hear Nancy squeal as she continued to keep the line moving.

“Date? Billy Hargrove, do you even know me?” I laughed.

“Yes, Y/N. I do.” There is no way he did. “You just decide to run off every time I get close to you.”

“Well, then this is me running off again.” I threw the tickets into the trash can next to me, grabbed my backpack, and then grabbed my bat. “I am going to go get some food, Nance. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, fine. It’s not a date, but I still want you to come with me.” Billy insisted and grabbed my arm to keep me from walking away.

“Why Billy?” I pulled my arm out of his grip.

“Come on, princess! Live a little!” Billy shouted. “Nancy can handle this by herself.”

“Definitely.” Nancy grinned. She nodded toward my bat. “You were going to leave me anyway!”

“I do live, a little! That’s why I am just selling tickets!” I pointed him in his broad, bare chest. “Billy, your dates end up in a car or a bed or just where the hell ever, and usually with someone screaming. So, thanks but no thanks.”

“Oh, there will be a lot of screaming tonight.” Nancy chuckled.

“Nancy!” I yelled.

“Y/N, you are literally the biggest baby I know when it comes to this stuff.” She quickly shot back. “You’ll scream before anything even jumps out at you.”

“Well, then you definitely need me to go with you.” Billy laughed.

“Go on, Y/N. Have some fun for once.” Nancy took his ticket and tried to get me to walk into the trail.

“Nancy, you literally told my mom this was the last thing that would happen.” I didn’t budge.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen, princess?” Billy asked.

“Actually everything.” I huffed.

Nancy looked at me and rolled her eyes, then started pushing me into the woods. “Gotta keep the line going.”

“You are a traitor, Nancy Wheeler. A traitor!” I yelled. I tried to go back out, but Billy slinked an arm around my waist and walked into the trail.

“Is this trail even worth $50.00?” Billy asked as we finally started walking deeper into the forest.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t know.” I replied. “I have never been in here. Obviously.”

“Well, I paid $50.00 for this haunted house, so I better die.” Billy stated.

“If you died, it would definitely make it worth $50.00” I shrugged. “This is literal kidnapping and it’s just a trail, dumbass.”

“Ouch.” Billy gasped, putting is hand up to his chest. The first part was just a long tunnel made from cardboard boxes and with fake candles hanging from the top. We walked through it silently, but I couldn’t understand what I was doing.

“Billy, why am I in here?” I asked him.

“Because you can’t resist me.” He chuckled.

“But I said no.” I said. “I mean, why me and not Nicole? Actually, why me at all?”

“I think you’re cool and I have been trying to figure out how to get you to hang out with me for months.” He nervously rubbed his hands on his jeans.

“Who are you and what have to done to the Billy Hargrove I go to school what?” There was no way he had been trying to hang out with me. Absolutely no way.

“Very funny, princess.” Billy chuckled. He moved his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to where his lips were touching my ear. “And yes, I do.”

“I just can’t-AAAH!!” As we turned a corner, someone dressed up as a clown jumped down from the trees and yelled right in my face. I instantly swung the bat up, barely stopping myself from swinging.

Billy burst out in laughter. “Looks like Nancy was right.”

“Oh, shut up.” I growled.

Before I could answer him, something jumped out from behind us and I shrieked. I whipped around to another person dressed as a clown skipping back behind the wall and laughing manically. Then suddenly two arms were wrapped around me. I pulled away and, again, instinctively swung the bat above my head.

“Y/N! Holy hell!” Billy reached up and ripped the bat from my hands. “It was just me!”

“Fuck!” I stumbled back and put my hands over my mouth. Billy looked at how freaked out I was and let out a sigh. He grabbed the bat from me and took my hand with his free one.

“Is there a reason you get scared so easily?” He squeezed my hand reassuringly as I just shook my head.

“I’ve seen some shit, Billy.” I shuddered. “It would scare you too.”

“I can tell. From how jumpy you are, to how fast you react with this bat of yours.” He swung the bat down next to his leg. “But don't worry, princess. You have me now.”

“Well, that’s comforting.” If only he knew.

“So, what happened?” He asked. “What is there in Hawkins that could have you so freaked out all the time?”

“Okay. There are big, scary monsters, called Demogorgons coming into Hawkins from another dimension called The Upside Down. The Hawkins Lab is responsible for keeping the door open. Then your sister’s best friend has crazy powers that lets her control stuff with her mind. Oh, and there might be Russians somewhere too.” I explained as we walked through the third part of the trail.

“I know I’m an ass.” Billy growled. “But you don’t have to bullshit with me.”

“I’m not.” I shrugged. We turned a makeshift corner and I realized there was blood in pools on the ground. “Billy. Don’t move.”

“Why? Is some big, scary, whatever monster going to hurt me?” He grumbled and rolled him eyes.

“Billy. Shut up.”

“Come on, princess!” He sighed and pulled at my arm.

“Billy!” I grabbed his arm and pulled back as hard as I could. He stumbled back toward me and gave me a bewildered look. I slammed my hand over his mouth and ripped the bat out of his hand. “I said ‘Shut up.’”

He grumbled but nodded. “Now stay behind me and do exactly as I say.” He nodded again and turned back toward the blood on the ground. I slowly turned to look around the corner and felt my blood go cold. There was a Demogorgon dragging a deer through the trail. I grabbed my walkie from my backpack, ducking behind a tree and dragging Billy with me. He just stood there with a questioning look. Shit.

“Code Red. Repeat. I have a Code Red. Section 3. Code Red. This is a Code freaking Red.” I quickly said.

“Copy. On our way.” Nancy responded.

“Copy. We are in section 5. Give us two minutes.” Lucas also replied.

Billy sat there and tried to get me to walk back towards it. “It’s just part of the trail, princess. What kind of trick is this?”

“This isn’t a trick, Billy. Stay quiet.” I snapped.

“Stop messing with me, Y/N.” He growled.

“I’m not, Billy.”

“Then let’s go.” He pulled me and, in the process, stomped down on a tree branch and it snapped.

I froze. Billy pulled on my arm again. I ripped it out of his grip and whipped around. The Demogorgon had now turned around and was walking towards us.

“Seriously, Y/N? I’m not falling for this.” Billy yelled. The Demogorgon opened his face and screeched towards us. “What the- “

“Billy. Run.” I shoved Billy right as the Demogorgon started running towards us. We ran back towards where we had just come from, but we had to get off the trail. I couldn’t let this thing get to where everyone was. I pushed through a pumpkin set up and got away from the trail. I would NOT let this thing find anyone else. Billy stayed close beside me as we continued running through the forest. My first thought was to stay several feet outside the trail so the others could still find us...somehow. I just hope they could find us before we get killed. I tried to run towards the cabin, but I had lost track of where we were is the midst of my panicking.

“Umpf.” Billy tripped and smashed his face down onto a tree root. I dropped the bat and tried to pull him up, but the Demogorgon was already standing less than fifteen feet away from us.

“Y/N, What the hell is that?!” Billy screamed.

“A Demogorgon. I told you to shut up! Maybe if you had listened; he would be dead already!” I yelled back at him.

The Demogorgon opened his opened his face again and screeched at Billy. Billy scuffled back as far as he could, until his back was up against a tree, and I stood in front of him. “Y/N, what are you doing!”

“Shut up, Billy! Shut the HELL UP!” I tightened the grip I had on my bat and started swinging it down in front of my feet. For some reason, I wanted to keep this thing distracted. “Billy. Get out of here.”

“Y/N, there is no fucking way I am leaving you with this thing.” He sounded completely terrified and I couldn’t blame him. I was fucking terrified.

“Billy, please.” The Demogorgon let out a long growl and was slowly getting closer.

“Come on, big guy. You know you want this.” I tried to remain calm as I began to shake violently.

As I taunted him, he leaped forward and I swung the bat as hard as I could. It made a loud squelching noise as it connected with the side of the Demogorgons head. The monster jumped back and crouched down. He shook his head, flinging blood everywhere. He tried to attack again, getting hit with the bat a second time.

We went back and forth for several minutes. He would swing, I would dodge it, then connect the bat to some part of his body. I kept my distance and tried to make sure I stayed between him and Billy. After another hit, the Demogorgon made it to where I could hear Billy breathing right behind me. I turned and at look at him. His face was covered in blood. He stared at the monster without even blinking. He looked at me and I could see tears starting to collect in his eyes.

Suddenly, everything went white. I had let my guard down. I now I could feel a sharp, agonizing pain it my side. I screamed and felt the Demogorgon’s claws catch my body and I fell into the dirt.

I sat there and watch the Demogorgon stand up and get ready to attack again. I ducked my head and felt the bat get ripped from my hand. Billy swung it over his head and smash it down onto the Demogorgon’s head. The monster backed up and screeched in pain, but Billy didn’t stop. He yelled as he continued swinging without giving him anytime to swing at him.

“GO. TO. HELL!” Billy spun the bat in his hand, swung it up, and caught the Demogorgon on the side of the head.

“Billy!” I tried to stand up but fell back down quickly. Small, black spots began to fill my vision and I felt my body wobbling around. “Billy!”

Right as Billy swung the bat at monster again, I heard someone else screaming and the Demogorgon was lifted into the air. Eleven stepped out past the trees, her hands stretched out in front of her, and blood pouring out from her nose. The Demogorgon screeched as he was thrown through the trees and make of cracking sound as him body connected with a tree.

“Billy!” Max was right behind Eleven and I could faintly see a few more shadows walking towards us. I tried to say anything, but I felt my body give away and my eyes get heavy. The smell of blood filled my nose.

“Y/N! Oh my god!” I heard Nancy yelling and I felt my body being picked up.

Then everything went black.

A few moments later, I felt my head bobbing and my body moving slightly. There was a sharp pain in my side that was more intense than anything I have ever felt. I could hear distorted talking and slowly tried to open my yes.

“Hey. Hey. Hey. Careful, princess.”

“Billy?” I blinked a few times and looked up to see Billy's face right above me. I turned my head and could see the trees flying past us as the car sped down the road.

“Billy. You seriously can never tell anyone what happened.” Nancy was rambling and freaking out.

“Nancy, seriously? I don't even want to try and figure out what the fuck happened back there.” Billy snapped at her. “Y/N is injured and all that matters to me is getting her to the damn hospital.”

“Why do you even care what happens to her, Hargrove?” Steve yelled at Billy.

“That’s none of your damn business, Harrington.” Billy snapped. As their voices continued to get louder, so did the pounding in my head. I groaned and tried to cover my ears. “Hey. Hey. Hey. Careful, Y/N. Careful. We’re almost there.”

-

“Beep. Beep. Beep.”

I woke up to a mild pain in my head and a numbing feeling in my torso. I felt extremely groggy. I groaned as I opened my eyes and a bright light flooded into my vision. “W-Where am I?”

“Woah. Woah. Woah. Be careful.” Someone said softly.

I tried to focus my eyes on who was talking, but everything was still too fuzzy. I brought my hand up to cover my eyes, hoping any part of my headache would go away. “What happened?”

“Honey, you got attacked by a bear.” Another voice said. “He messed you up pretty badly. Thankfully, your boyfriend here and your friends got you to us fast enough.”

“What?” My eyes focused and I looked at the nurse standing by my bed.

“Do you need anything, Hun?” She asked.

“J-Just water. Please.” Boyfriend? The nurse left and I turned to see who else was in the room.

“Hey there, princess.” His eyes were flooded with concern and he held my hand firmly. “How do you feel?”

“Hi, Billy.” I leaned my head into his hand that was holding my face. He was definitely a sight for sore eyes after what happened. I looked down and realized he had changed out of what he was wearing before. Instead he just had a light blue button up shirt on and had tucked in into a cleaner pair of jeans. “I just feel like I got run over by a truck.”

“Well,” he raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “considering what I saw, that doesn’t seem like it hurts too bad.”

“Here is your water, dear.” The nurse came back in and she had Billy help her sit me up more. I yelped out in pain when I tried to push up with my hands. “Careful, Hun. Here you go.”

“Thank you.” I said weakly. I took a few sips out of the straw and sighed. The cold water felt relieving going down my throat.

“Now that you are awake, my name is Anna. I will be the main nurse taking care of you while you are here.” She gave me a warm smile.

“Thank you, Anna.” I drank more water and Billy helped me hold the cup without spilling it. “Are my parents here?”

“Yes, dear. They were here as soon as they got called. Hopper had to have them go down to the station, but they should be back here very soon,” Anna explained. She asked if I needed anything else and I shook my head. She left the room and said she would let my parents know I woke up.

“I finally know where you get your little spark from.” Billy chuckled. “Your mom almost killed me when she saw all the blood all over me. Then yelled at me from almost twenty minutes about taking you into the woods.” “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry.” I groaned.

“I don’t blame her. Her daughter leaves with her friends and then ends up in the hospital because Billy Hargrove took her into the woods.” He shrugged. The door to the room opened and I smiled as my parents came in.

“Y/N, oh honey, you’re okay.” My mom rushed over as soon as she saw me and hugged me. She pulled back, keeping her hands around my face, making my look at her. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? Have they been taking care of you?”

“Yes, Mom. I’ve only been awake for a few minutes. I’m fine.” She pulled her hands away, only to give my dad some room to hug me. “Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, kiddo. I’m glad you’re doing okay.” He said. He tried to sound firm, but I could hear him holding a choke back, trying to keep himself from crying.

“Me too.” I relaxed a little more. Having my parents here made me feel more comfortable.

“We came as soon as we got the call from Hopper.” My parents pulled up a chair and my mom started explaining what happened after they had gotten me to the hospital. “All of your friends were here, and Joyce and Hopper were here too. We all waited until after you went in to get your stitches done before going down to the station. The other kids tried to stay here, but their parents wanted them home where they knew where they were.”

“Billy here, he is the only one that hasn’t left yet.” My dad nodded toward Billy. He was nervously twirling his ring on his finger and I reached up to grab his hand. He took a deep breath and looked back up at us.

“But I do remember telling you not to go into the woods and especially not with any boys.” My mom scolded both of us. “You’re lucky he was there with you and was able to get you out of there.”

“I know, Mom.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“We are just glad you are safe, kiddo.” My dad said.

“We will go get you some food and be right back, sweetheart.” My mom stood up and kissed my forehead.

“I love you too, mom.” They walked out and I turned back toward Billy. “You never left?”

He shook his head. “Hopper almost killed me because I made him bring the paperwork to file the report to me. I couldn’t leave your side, Y/N. You saved my life and I almost lost you.”

“Billy, you saved me too.” I reached up and wiped the tear that rolled down his cheek. I giggled lightly. “But for future reference, I told you a haunted trail was a horrible idea for a first date.”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Billy stammered. “I should have... I should have listened to you. Plus, you went in there because of me. This is my fault.”

“Billy,” I said taking ahold of his hand. “there is no way you knew what was going to happen. You didn’t even know it was there. How could you?”

“I could have lost you.” This was a side of Billy Hargrove that I had never seen. He looked so vulnerable. Over me of all people.

“Trust me,” I laughed. “you can’t get rid of me that fast.”

“I hope not, princess.”

­-

It was finally time to go home. It was a still early in the day, so only my parents were there with me. We had finally convinced Billy to go back to school after a couple days and we only agreed so he could get my schoolwork for me. It was weird without him here

“Well, Miss Y/N. It looks like the doctors are finally ready to let you go home.” My nurse happily stated. “As much as I enjoyed having you here and getting to take care of you, I am very glad to see you finally going home.”

“You have been the best nurse ever, Anna.” I gave her a quick hug and she handed me all my paperwork. “If I ever come back, I will definitely ask for you.”

“Y/N, if you end up back in the hospital,” my dad shook his head. “your mother will kill you.”

“Yes, she will.” My mother laughed and sighed.

I chuckled. After three and a half long weeks, the doctors we finally allowed to give me the ‘Okay.’ Mostly, because Dr. Owens heard about the attack, knew what it was, and they made me stay longer. Thankfully, there were no severe infections and the wounds healed up relatively quickly.

“A list of all the ointments and antibiotics you will need are in here. You will just need to take that paper to Kathy down the hall.”

“Thank you so much for taking care of her, Anna.” My mom had tears in her eyes as she thanked her.

“Just make sure she isn’t running into the woods with anymore boys.” Anna smirked. “She’s definitely not one to mess around with.”

They all laughed, and I headed to get my medicine. Once I got that, it was finally time to go home.

-

Five years later.

“Hey, princess.”

“Billy!” I laughed loudly as he picked me up and spun my around. I kissed he deeply. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and slowly put me back down on the ground. I pulled back and staring into his still, memorizing blue eyes. “I missed you.”

“I told you I would be back from California for Halloween. I can’t miss this one.” He kissed me again, then took my hand as we headed toward the ticket booth.

“You would never hear the end of it.” I grinned. We walked to the back of the line and waited to get our tickets. “I’m kinda nervous. I’m surprised they decided to do this again.”

“Well, there haven’t been anymore ‘bear attacks,’ so I guess the mayor decided it was worth a shot again.” Billy shrugged. “It’s been made a lot shorter and Hopper said the police are even working it this year. Like, fully overseeing the whole thing.”

“That’s good to know.” I crossed my arms and could still feel the deep scars running across my side. Five years. That’s how long it took them to do another haunted trail. That’s how long it took me to even want to go back into the woods. That’s how long Billy and I had been together now. Five years.

“You okay, princess?” Billy’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I realized he had gotten the tickets already. “Are you sure you’ll be ready?”

“Yes. I even made sure I brought this.” I laughed and shook my backpack. The handle of the nail covered bat stuck out the top. There was no way I wasn’t taking that thing with me.

“Of course, you did.” Billy slung his arm over my shoulders and kissed my head. “Let’s go, princess.”

We joined the line headed into the trail. There were two officers standing on both sides of the entrance, and then they had adults walking through with all the kids. The safety precautions were through the roof for this thing. I couldn’t blame them. We were lucky I was able to recover from the attack last time.

The officer took our tickets and we walked into the trail with a few other people that had been standing in front of us. Billy kept a tight grip on my hand, and I nodded whenever he looked at me with worry.

My skin crawled as we walked deeper into the trail. We were very lucky I was still alive. But there was something that nobody could have known.

We wouldn’t be so lucky this time.

[storiesfromasmalltown]

My one and only Tommy Shelby x oc. Tommy and his childhood love find their way back to each other oh and there’s a baby

Tommy Shelby x oc. (Rose Donaghue)

warnings: cursing, kids?, and me not editing 

“C'mon Rose, we have to go, the boys are meeting us at the Garrison!“ Shouted Ada from the doorstep on the enterance to the old townhouse Rose Donaghue had lived in for the past few years since her mother passed away leaving her a pastry shop to run. Rose was a proud woman, wouldn't ever ask for help- she was a pale, small woman, with delicate hands and dark circles under her warm hazel eyes. Her curly hair sat above her shoulders, pinned behind her ears to show of pale pearls on her ears. She pursed her soft pink lips and glared from under dark eyebrows as she walked down the stairs towards Ada. “Have mercy Ada, I don't feel so well but Johns birthday isn't an event to be missed.““Maybe you just don't want to see Tommy?“giggled Ada as if she was a child once again- inoccent and free, a girl not a widow and a mother. “It's not like that, he isn't mine, I have to accept that.““Okay miss accepting, lets get a move on before they send somebody after us.“ Said Ada noteing the sad look in her friends eyes. She knew Rose was in love with him since she was 7 when he helped her after she tripped over her dress. He was 10 and already a looker and from that day on it didn't matter what anybody said Rose always saw the boy who heleped her when she needed it. She keep every letter he sent her when he was in France and when he returned there was no more love, no more soft kisses, shy looks, soft love making...there was only a fuck when he was desperate and she loved him too much to say no. She couldn't even tell Ada she was that desperate, that she was wiling to give it all away just to have him for a second.  

When they arrive the party is in full swing, Arthur is pouring whiskey from the bottle into his mouth, John is god knows where and Tommy is smiling as some girl sits on his lap, whisperes something into his ear and Rose remebers how he used to hold her like that. How his palms kept her steady on his lap as he laughed at something Arthur said. She blinked the memories away as she walked towards the bar, ordering a gin and tonic she sat beside Ada and lit a cigarette- she started smoking when he returned and wasn't hers anymore. He didn't love her so what was the point, why should she try and be who he knew.  She didn't know how much time had she spent staring at a blank dot in the crowd  when she started to feel sick. She made her way towards the lady's room and locked the door as she fell on her knees and threw up. “Rose, darling is that you?“asked a voice from ouside. “No?“ she tried hopeing it wasn't  Polly and her mind was just playing tricks. “Open up or I'll call the boys, how much have you had to drink?“She shouted and so Rose opened the door. “One gin and tonic, but I haven't been so well for the last couple of days,I'm just sick Pol, it's okay.““When did you last bleed?“asked Polly and Rose looked away from her starring at the ceeling.“I know I'm pregnant Pol, I know I just don't want to addmit it really- I don't want to deal with it. ““Is it Tommy's?“Her question was met with silence .“It is isn't it, he uses you beacuse he knows you can't say no to him.“And at those words Rose broke down crying, sobbing in front of Polly. “Oh my sweet child, what are you going to do?““I don't know Pol, I really don't know.“sobbed out Rose. It was a tragic scene such a beautiful fragile thing sobbing on the dirty floor in a peach dress all done up for a celebration. “Oh God Pol what am I going to do, he can't know, please Polly he can never know.“ Plead the younger woman, tears streming down her cheeks as begged Polly to keep her secret. “Does Ada know?““No, I didn't have the heart to tell her.““I'll go get her and we're going to your house, we'll pack you up, and you'll go to London with Ada, I'll lie to the boys say you went on buisness, don't worry about the pastry shop I'll hire a woman to keep it and work until you return. Whatever you decide to do I will support you.Lets get you cleaned up.“ With that Polly helped Rose up of the floor and helped her fix her hair and makeup. Together they exited chatting casually as if nothing happened. They found Ada dancing, Polly feched her and together without saying a word they left.

“It will be suspicious if we leave immediatly, lets wait a bit- until she starts showing. I think she should tell him, it's his child he deserves to know.“Said Ada as she nursed a cup of tea in Roses kitchen. Rose was pacing around the dark but warm room that always had a scent of freshly baked biscuits and tea. Her short hair was now in a mess around her head, she had removed her make up but was still in the dress she had picked out for the occasion. “I could move into my mothers house, the one she left me, on the outskirts of Birmingham. I will give birth there and if I decide to keep it or give it away it will all be in plain sight, no one would bat an eye.““That could be a solution- you can mention how you're starting repairs on the house and when you start showing you will stop coming here.“ Pol said. And it was decided Rose Donaghue was going to have a baby. They all spent the night at Roses house, they laughed and chatted. Ada knew the pain and fear and Polly was like a mother after her own passed away. Rose slipped into the last comfortable sleep she would know in a while.

That morning she went to work opening up the shop, as if nothings changed Tommy walked in with an almost smile on his lips, stroling in like he owns the place as if no time has passed since he loved her she still smiled up brightly at him. “How can I help you Tommy?““I saw you left the party early last night, was wondering if you're alright.““You don't have to worry about me anymore Tommy, I'm a big girl now.““I know you are but you're still family.““I'm fine, thank you for asking.““I overheard Polly and Ada talking about you moving into your mothers house.““Yes, I was thinking that it's time for me to settle down a bit, find some peace of mind.“ He raised an eyebrow at her explanation but didn't ask anything further. To anyone just passing they would look like a pair of old friends, people who simply fell into place, puzzle peaces. There was a time when everyone tought they'd marry, before he left to fight in the great war, before her mother died. When they were yound and in love. There wasn't a person who didn't know Rose was Tommy's girl and Tommy was her boy. He used to walk her home, bring her flowers in the morning, kiss her cheek as she blushed. She used to clean up his cuts, bring him little pastrys to work and kissing his shoulder. When he returned in a matter of weeks he pushed her away, broke her heart and it never really healed. Now, now she had his child growing inside her and the only thing standing in their was was his pride and arrogance. “I'll be on my way then Rose.““Have a nice day Tommy.“With those words he left the shop where he once kissed her in the back, where she tought him how to make scones, where they would get drunk and make love until the sun came up.

Days turned into months and Rose got used to the idea of never being alone, her smal body had streched to make space for a small bump, bearly visible to a person who didn't know what they were looking for. Polly noticed as soon as Rose showed up to Arthurs party. The dress was wide but nothing really escaped her. “You're showing, Godness Rose what if he notices?““I won't be long and I'm moving tomorrow.““If who notices what?“Asked a slurring voice from behind Rose, she turned to face it and there stood a very drunk Arthur-“That the cake hasn't got any fruit in ti.““Oh my, no,no the cake needs fruit.“He mubled and stumbled away.“You need to leave now, please Rose- for the baby.““Fine I'll leave tonight- the house is set.“ From that night on Rose lived in a large house haunted by the ghosts of her childhood and a lonely feeling that came from being completley on your own far from everything you'd ever known. She spent her days speaking to her ever growing bump or setting up the nursery. She often imagine what it would be like if he was there with her. If i was him pushing around the wardrobe for the baby to satisfy her and him holding her as she slept, if it was him speaking softly to the child, him coming up with name ideas...just him being there as a promise that she wouldn't have to do it on her own.  Often she just sat in the window seat of the nursery starring out at the moon or clouds, watching seasons change and fall into one another. Dark wood and soft white pillows ans blankets filled the room, books sat on a shelf and a baby cot next to a rocking chair sat in a far corner of the large room. It was beautiful and oh so empty with just her in it. Every day she brought flowers to put in the room as to make it feel a bit less lonely. Polly often came by, so did Ada and eventualy Lizzy when she found out. On that cold october morning, two months before her due Polly sat in her kitchen and spoke of the market and how buissnes was, how drunk Arthur got, how big Finn was getting and about Karl and how he had just started to walk. Ada was to return from London around Roses due date to help her find her feet.“Tommy has been asking about where you are, he's really worried Rose maybe you should tell him.He loves you whether he knows it or not.““He wouldn't want us, ma and the babe.He wants his empire.““You and that baby girl would mean the world to him.““Girl?““I have a feeling it's a girl.““I hope it is.““Ask him to come over, have him be there with you, it's his child too.““I won't tell him Polly, but if you want to I wouldn't be angry, you're just doing what you thing is the right thing for the child. I would love to have him here in this empty house but I want him to want to be here not out of duity or guilt. I want him to love us.“Said Rose placing a hand on her large belly, “she deserves love.““He's been going insane about where and how are you and why aren't you picking up. He's on the verge of a break down. Just call him over, ask him to listen, tell him the truth.““I can't.“Polly sighed and lit up another cigarette and they continued to sit quietly as rain fell outside and with it orange and red leaves fell to the ground.

“I don't give a fuck, you do your job or I kill you.“Tommy said quietly to a blinder that had the nerve to ask him a question. He's been on edge for a while now, eer since Rose stopped coming around he's been like the devil himself.Screaming and shouting at anyone and everyone, spent every night drunk and alone.He had a reoccuring nightmare about a small girl with brown curly and blue eyes calling out for him to help her but she was always swallowed by the dark befre he can get to her. So he stopped sleeping. Started smoking more, shotting more, screaming more. He often imagined Rose and himself as they were. He wished he could go back and fix it, tell her he loved her, ask her to marry him, promise that he would od better and maybe he would- no he would. Because he wouldn't ever alow anything to hurt her. Polly's knocking woke him up from his toughts.“Cme in Pol.““Why didn't you marry rose when you came back?““Where is that coming from Polly?““You were good together, she loved you, she still loves you you big oof.““Men like me cannot be loved Pol, you know that.““Oh but to her you're still an inoccent.““She needs you, she really needs you right know and one of these days you will need to show upa dnstep up and be the man who loves and supports her.““Why are you saying that Polly?““You will find out soon enough.“She picked up her purse and turned to leave his office-“You've always been loved Thomas, she never left your side.“And with that she left him with his own mind. You've always been loved Thomas rang in his head. He left the office in the middle of the night and whent home. He tried to fall asleep, tossed and turned and in the end he woke up. Hair matted from sweat he sat up in his bed and starred at the window that had a view out onto the cold street, when he couldn't sleep all he had to do was pull Rose a bit close and kiss her head, smell her hair and he would know he will always have her.  He spent the night wide awake cursning at his own stupidity. When the sun came up he got dressed and made his way towards his car, he remembered the house that Roses mother grew up. He made his way to the outskirts of town towards an old but sizable brick house with green doors and a large tree in the garden. The tree under which he kissed her so many times, under which he promised to love her forever. He stood on a stone step in front of her door. He stood there for what felt like hours until he finally knocked on the door. He turned his head as the door opened.“Tommy?“said Rose, Rose who was wearing a simple house dress and a robe above it, his eyes wide as his view shifted to her large belly. “I'm sorry I didn't know you were busy. I will leave.““No please Thomas, stay. Please, Tommy,come in.““Why should I when you are having somebody elses baby.““It's yours.““Mine?““Remember that night early spring when you showed up on my doorstep? When you spent the night and left without a goodbye?““Rose, if you're lying...““Why would I, but don't worry I can rase her on my own, I don't need you Thpmas Shelby I can do this on my own, I have been doing this on my own ever since you became to prideful to be a man.““Rose, for fucks sake Rose- I love you, I have always loved you, I want to be here for you, I can be a better man, I can keep you safe please Rose just let me try, give me another chance.“He begged with those ice blue eyes. He got no response but a wider open door and a proper look at her as he walked in. Her hair was a bit longer, the curls that reached just bellow her chin when he was last that close to her now sat on her shoulders, she looked tired and worn out despite the silky robe and lack of work. He guessed she hasn't had a good nights sleep in months. “Can I touch it?“He asked her like a child once they arrived in the sitting room. He noticed the photos on the fireplace were all of them as kids, of her family, of Ada, Polly and herself and most surprising one of them before the war. “Excuse me?““The bump.““Give me your hand.“She lead his hand with hers to her large round belly. As she did so the child kicked.“Thats your father love, he's here now.““And he won't ever leave.“Said Tommy, with those words he got up and kneeled in front of her softly placing a kiss on her bump and whispering “You will always be safe little one, no one will ever hurt you.“ He got up and kissed Rose on the temple as he hadn't done in a while, held her as close as he should have done a while ago. “I was scared of what I had become, I got caught up in myself and I forgot that you were the best part of me and if I could I would like to ask to be a part of your life, to have a family, for both you and the baby to be Shelbys- please Rose, I love you. I have always loved you.“

Slowly Tommy moved into the house and they made it their own, he moved around the wardrobe as she pleased, he massaged her swollen feet and kissed her temple before he left for work. The nursery was filled up with presents from family, with photograph, storybooks and hand-me-downs from Johns and Ada's kids. The house became a home.

Winter settled in Birmingham and mid december in the small hours of the morning screams filled the house, Arthur and John drank their livers to death celebrating the birth, Thomas nursed a glass of whiskey as he listened to the screams of the love of his life  as she gave birth. With her were Polly, Ada and Esme. For just a secnd everything went quiet.Not a creak was heard. And then crys started to fill the room slipping into the hallway and sitting room. A baby girl with soft curly tuffs was placed on her mothers tired chest wrapped in nothing but a towel. Esme came out with a soft smile “It's a girl Tommy, go meet your daughter.“She left to inform her drunk husband and brother in law that they have a niece. When Tommy waked in he saw Rose holding a his daughter in a soft blanket and the tears just came- he never believed he could have that. A family with the woman he loved, a child, a smiling Polly and Ada nudging each other because the big and scary Tommy Shelby was crying over his daughters birth.“Isn't she perfect?““Just like her mum.“He answered kissing her temple. “Clara Marie Shelby I promise that no one will ever harm you I promise.“

[beesonestopcurioshop]

By the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes.

Chapter 1: The Devil has a hold on me.

Photo credit: Google search.

Warnings: None I think? Maybe standard Peaky Blinders violence toward the beginning.

Note: So here it is! A little late, okay a lot late, but my nerves and an eight hour shift got the best of me. I want it to be great for you all! I hope you all like the beginning of this tale.

••

Thomas Shelby found himself stepping out of the Garrison. It was a quiet night in comparison to how the pub usually could be. They just had a small memorial for Danny Whizzbang. After putting on a show for the Italians, they had to keep face. It was chilly and rain had started to fall. He pulled his coat a little closer around the neck and began his trek back to Watery Lane.

He got little more than a few blocks away from the Garrison when he noticed a raven sitting on a lamp post. The same raven he had seen for about a week. He stopped to inspect it. It wasn’t an odd occurrence but this late at night it wasn’t common. The bird was looking at him almost like it was expecting him. He nearly felt the need to address it. Before he could, the bird flew off.

His trademark cigarette hit his lips and he continued to walk. Thomas almost made it to his destination when a mall flapping of wings grabbed his attention. Another raven was perched by the small home. The same raven. The white dot in its chest gave it away. His usual stone face furrowed a bit, and he looked around to gather his surroundings. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary except this bird. It cawed at him. It had to have been at him. He was the only other soul present on the street.

Thomas walked closer to it. Reaching his right hand out to welcome it. The animal looked at him carefully, sizing him up. To Thomas it felt like the bird was analyzing his soul. It just about stepped onto his hand when there was boisterous noise that brought him back to consciousness.

••

Thomas was still at the Garrison. He looked around to everyone. They all seemed warm and in various states of inebriation. It was as if no one noticed he had let his mind wander. He took out his pocket watch. He had an early day tomorrow. It was the day he would be gaining a horse for the races. It was the beginning of a new era for the Shelbys. One that would no doubt put his family on the map.

He gathered his things, mentioned goodbyes to family and friends alike, and made his way out to the street.

The air outside was cold. Cold enough to be brisk walking home and pull his coat tighter, but not cold enough to be catching his death. That was until the rain started. It was a light drizzle so he would be able to make it home before being drenched.

He got about three streets away from the pub and he stumbled upon a raven. On a lamppost. The same exact bird from his daydream at the Garrison and his week before this. His left eyebrow raised in suspicion. There was no way he had imagined this before at the pub, and the night before, and so on. He took in his environment and marched forward.

When he reached Watery Lane, there was the raven. It preened happily next to the abode he strived to make it to. He just wanted to smoke and get some rest. If it could be called that. The raven stopped to glance at him. Inviting him. Normally it would just be a bird and nothing more. However there was something very intriguing about it. It’s pull on him had him standing right in front of it before he realized he had even walked over to it.

Reaching out a hand to it, the animal inspected it wearily. It began to pleasantly hop on over to his hand. There was a loud bang of the door to his home, the children must have been at it again. The bird let out a startled caw in his direction and flew off.

That bird would haunt his dreams along with the shovels.

••

The next morning he decided he would discuss that occurence with his aunt. He needed some insight. Only the kind she could give.

“Pol? I need to speak with you for a moment.” Thomas held the door open to the meeting room in the back of the house for her and shut it as she entered. He went and sat at the table. His arms splayed wide, palms flat on the top, as he thought of how to go about asking. His brothers and himself had to get on the road so he had to be quick. He tried to find some natural balance. The lack of sleep and that damn bird had him feeling off, not that he would tell anyone.

Thomas Shelby was not an entirely superstitious man, but every now and again things could get under his skin and stick there. This avian follower was one that was just not willing to let go. It couldn’t be a coincidence that it seemed to be every single place he went. The same raven. White dot. Always lurking.

“What’s weighing on you? I can see it.”

“Ravens. What meaning do they bring?”

“Ravens?” Polly sat back in her chair with a noncommittal shrug. “Magic. Mystery. Wisdom. Caution.”

“Caution.” Thomas rumbled lowly.

“But also brotherhood. Messengers of the gods. Loyalty.” She sat back and assessed her nephew carefully. “What on earth has you thinking about ravens? Asking me for meanings?”

“One has been following me. While I’m sleeping and awake.”

“And how do you know it’s the same one and not just a regular bird? Murders of them flock to Small Heath, you know.”

“I know that Pol. It’s almost like a call to it. Like it wants me to find it.”

“That’s an omen, Thomas.” Polly sighed and left him to steep in his thoughts.

He leaned back against his chair and rubbed his hands through the hair at the peak of his head and let out a long, “Fuck,” of frustration at the lack of any more clarity than he started with.

••

Ellie plopped down on a small stool next to Johnny Dogs. It was time for a break. The horses had been groomed and there was a lull in pony rides to warm them up for the fair.

“‘Ey there Ellie! Resting your bones there for a minute from tha little tykes?” Johnny nudged her shoulder in a teasing manner.

“Those little hellions have given me a run for what little money I ’ave.” A peal of mirthful laughter tore through her rosy lips. She didn’t mind it at all. It brought them happiness and that’s what mattered. Her own on the other hand had suffered the past few days. Lack of sleep was beginning to get to her.

She worried her lip losing herself in thought. She had argued with herself on whether she should bring up the anxiety plaguing her recently to Johnny or not. It could help, or not solve anything at all. She hoped for the former.

“There’s been somethin’ eatin’ at me though, Johnny. Not to get all mystical but there’s trouble comin’, and it’s got my name on its breath.”

“Whattaya on about, bird?” He glanced up from his polishing a bridle in confusion.

“I keep ’aving this dream over and over again. For at least a week now.”

“The same one?” She nodded in confirmation. “What happens in this dream? Is there anything that stands out to you?”

Ellie however didn’t get an opportunity to explain because a black car came and parked not far from them. Out got two men looking far too fancy to be at the fair, a young boy of maybe ten or eleven. The third occupant opened the door and as soon as his feet hit the ground, it was almost as if she felt the vibrations of his first steps. The burden he carried. Goosebumps adorned her arms.

“And there comes the trouble.” She couldn’t decipher whether the chill was from the goosebumps or from the icy stoic stare that currently held her attention.

“And along came a man on a dark horse. A peaked cap, blades found along the seam. A black cloud trailing behind him.” She knew who they were. Talk ran fast around these hills. ”What can we do for you, Mr. Shelby?”

“We’re here to see Johnny Dogs.”

“Tommy, how the hell are ya?” Johnny asked as he started to close in on the leaders. Ellie looked between them. At the friendship that would have been clear to a blind man. “Ellie, be a dove and go fetch that horse for Mr. Shelby here.”

“Farthest thing from a dove, Johnny.” The chuckle that escaped her throat was low. Mostly for herself and the amusement of being called a dove.

One of the Lee boys had just finished grooming the horse in question. She traded off with the boy and nodded to him in thanks. She lead the horse to Johnny’s caravan to make a quick slip knot. She made a quiet nickering noise against the horse’s nose as she heard the men come up behind her. She felt her spine arch and moved to the front of the horse.

“So this is the horse?”

“And that’s the car.”

Tommy and Johnny seemed to have something up their sleeves. Both of them were intently checking out their prospective rides. Thomas greeted the horse with a gentle rub on its snout. It responded gently back, almost like they were talking.

“He’s strong you know. A little troubled sometimes, but a good heart.” Ellie mentioned. There was a small downward nod from the Stetson cap in front of her.

“And you are?” The low rumble almost echoed back at her.

“Elli.. Eleanor Byrne, Mr. Shelby. A friend of Johnny Dogs.”

His brother interjected about the horse for the car, and she thought she heard something about two up. She leaned against the caravan and crossed her arms with a playful smirk. This should be interesting. The coins clinked and hit the grass with a dull thud.

Ellie watched the few Lee men who were by the water settle up closer to them. Laughing. Immediately she was uneasy. Yes she respected the Lees but they loved trouble. You could practically smell it on them.

Thomas handed the keys over to Johnny and Ellie’s eyes widened.

“I knew it. I knew it. Tommy you bloody idiot.”

“Shut up, Arthur, I won. I promised Johnny a spin in the car if he lost.” Johnny took off toward the car. He stopped short when Thomas’ hackles raised at the Lee boys.

While Johnny tried to diffuse that situation, she slid the reigns into her hand and made her way to the front end of the caravan. No sense in having the horse get stuck in the middle. She heard Johnny mention that their grandfather was a king. That explained the natural way they held themselves. Hearing the slur about their mother come from one of the Lees, she told the horse to hold and walked back around the van. She made it with just enough time to see Thomas use his cap to slice the Lee boy in the eyes. Served him right. But she wouldn’t voice that opinion out loud.

Johnny tried to stop the ruckus but it was no use. It especially wasn’t after Thomas’ brothers joined in. Ellie wouldn’t have expected any less from what she had heard and seen around Small Heath. The horse came to stand at her shoulder while they stood there and watched the bloodshed. There really was no contest. The Shelbys were vicious.

Ellie reached behind her to pat the horse on the chest. She moved the reigns around his neck so he wouldn’t get caught up in them and gently muttered, “walk on.” They made the short trip to the truck the Shelbys had brought for him.

She unlocked the hatches and caught the door as it fell. She placed it on the ground softly as to not spook the horse. There had already been enough ruckus and his eyes looked a little too wide for her liking.

“Hey, come here boy. It’s okay.” One hand placed under the sturdy jaw and one grasped the muzzle of the grey beauty.

She began to speak softly. Murmuring encouragement and telling him about all the good things he was going to accomplish at the races for Mr. Shelby. She heard heavy breathing as the men made their way around to the back end of the truck to get the horse.

“I ’ope you don’t mind I got a head start on gettin’ him in there, Mr. Shelby.”

He locked eyes with her again, but didn’t say anything. Her right hand was still on the horse and she gripped his mane for comfort. There was definitely a weight that he carried. Not all of it was good. It jostled her around. She was sure that underneath the calm façade, he was really trying to gasp for air. He nodded at her.

She looked over to Johnny, “Johnny I’m gonna make my way to the fair with the other horses. You come round when you’re ready.” She looked at the Shelby men. “It was fancy meetin’ ya.”

••

“Miss Ellie please please??”

“Yeah Miss Ellie, give us one more go round!” The brother and sister duo she was walking around wiggled excitedly.

“Give us one more go round… what, Alexander?”

“You have to say please Alexander!” His sister Mabel chimed in.

“Please, Miss Ellie. From the both of us.” The boy had a sheepish blush across his cheeks in embarrassment for forgetting his manners.

Ellie laughed softly, “It’s alright, Alex. We’ll keep going. Then Miss Ellie has to take a quick break.” There was a chorus of disappointed awwwws from the two children.

She clicked her tongue to get Stevie to walk on. Looking up she saw a fox. This had been what she was going to tell Johnny about earlier. It had been in her dreams and while she was awake. She knew it was the same fox from the one cropped ear it had. It was everywhere. In her dream it would almost call out to her. Never speaking but a gentle tug.

Out further in the fields like this wasn’t out of the ordinary, but not every single time. Foxes usually tended to hustle away from folks.

Orange eyes seemed to entrance her. Stevie kept going but her steps faltered every other step. The fox’s gaze was definitely leveled on her. The level of intensity felt warm, inviting, but dangerously enticing. The fable of the fox and the crow came to mind.

Ellie shook her head and focused on finishing her job for the day. She clicked her tongue and Stevie sped up to a gentle trot. The children loved it and peals of laughter rang through the air.

••

“I’ll be back Stevie.” Ellie patted his chest before walking away. His turn down had been a struggle. He was grumpy from all the rides he participated in. ‘You’re really gonna love me on the way home then.’

A shot of Irish whiskey could be heard calling for her. She had earned it the past few days helping Johnny out. Her plan was to find that bottle she left here somewhere.

Her pack was around the front of the stable. A flash of burnt orange caught her eye. It was darting into the trees nearby. Her eyes rolled involuntarily. The trickster circling her was getting real old. The bottle toppled over and she snatched it up in an ‘aha’ manner. The first sip was greatly appreciated. It burnt and tingled in just the right ways.

The restlessness began to grind at her. Heading home was in her future. She had to find Johnny and let him know that she was on her way out, and thank him for letting her help. Stevie would be okay for a little bit while she went to find him. He would probably enjoy the silence.

••

“Bird! ‘Ello ‘ello! Thought ya left us!”

“‘Ello yourself Johnny. Glad I found ya.” Ellie smiled warmly in his happily inebriated direction and noticed the Shelby brothers with him. “Nice ya see ya again, gents.”

“I don’t think we caught your name earlier, love.” The youngest of the three mentioned.

“It’s Eleanor. You’re John, right?”

Thin light eyebrows raised into the cap that adorned his head, “Seems you’ve heard of us.”

“No one comes out of Small ‘eath and doesn’t know the Peaky Blinders.” A playful knowing smirk graced her lips as she took in the three men.

“What you doin’ all the way out here with the likes of Johnny Dogs then?” Arthur, the oldest, questioned.

“I was giving him a helping hand for the fair here so he wouldn’t get bogged down. Plus I needed time away from the city. Stretch me legs.”

“She’s an angel I tell ya.” She shoved Johnny’s shoulder playfully.

“Dats enough of dat. Farthest thing from it.” Raucous laughter followed from all but one.

Thomas stood quietly. Calculating. Trying to perceive her. His weighted stare caught her and a loud ringing in her ears accompanied the stare off. It was almost like the fox earlier. Shaking her head she continued.

“Now I ‘aven’t left yet, but I will be shortly. Givin’ Steve a rest before heading on. Just wanted ta find ya before I did.”

“Come ‘ere little bird,” Johnny wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “I’ll meet up wit ya soon.”

She giggled, “Yes, Johnny. If ya need anythin, just send word.”

Thomas’ stare squared on her again. The air became thick. If she had wings she would flutter away. Continuing to hold his stare she refused to back down.

“It was nice seein’ yas. Maybe we’ll run into one another.” She gazed at the others with a friendly smile. “But I should probably jog on if I wanna get to town before Christmas.”

She gave Johnny one last hug and waved to the leaders on the Blinders and made her way back to Stevie. It was beginning to rain. It was going to be a long ride home.

••

If you’ve gotten this far, I really hope I do this story justice as well as the characters already written and my Ellie girl. I can’t wait to hear what you all think! 🧡🐝

[intergalacticsuperstar]

Alright since it’s sPoOkY season how about watching scary movies (or going to a haunted house, or other spooky things, up to youuu) w/ tommy boy, and he goes in talking a BIGGG game. but by the end of it he’s scared shitless & you’re ... unphased lol

On this blog, it’s always spooky season

-

October was arguably one of your favorite times of the year. In some parts of the world, the leaves changed into different colors, the weather was cooler, and of course, Halloween. 

You have always loved Halloween. But, you weren’t going to lie, having a boyfriend during this time was the best. Especially when that boyfriend was Tom.  

You loved him, you really did. And you really loved dragging him to a bunch of different places like pumpkin patches and nature walks. So, when a couple of you and Tom’s friends asked if you wanted to go to a haunted house, you didn’t hesitate to say yes.

“You’re going to be so scared the whole time,” Tom said to you while you both waited with your friends in line for the spooky attraction. 

You snorted out a laugh, “I don’t think it’s me that needs to be worried, love.”

It’s true, Tom was the jumpiest person you know even though he hated to admit it.

He scoffed out a gasp, pretending to be offended. “You’ll see! You are going to push me in front of you the whole time. You’ll probably break my hand while you’re at it, too.”

Now, it was your turn to pretend to be offended.

“Fine,” you said indignantly, unwrapping yourself from his warm embrace and taking a step away from him. “Fend for yourself.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, sad that you had let go of him. But, both of you had enough pride to not grab onto each other again.

Before long, your group was preparing to go into the haunted house. You stood next to one of your friends and raised your eyebrows at Tom, challenging him further. He mirrored your expression, but deep down you could tell he was nervous. It was cute.

As your group began to walk into the haunted house, Tom shifted to the group until he was behind you, and you smiled back at him. He, however, was not looking at you. His eyes darted back and forth around the dark hallway you were being led through, completely on edge. 

Suddenly, someone in a zombie costume came up to you. You made eye contact with them, watching as they moved past you slowly. You giggle slightly, not really scared. Tom was doing everything he could to not look at the zombie man, which is probably why it screamed in his face.

Tom jumped five feet in the air, hands immediately finding your shoulders and pulling you into him. You laughed as he watched the zombie man retreat to the next group of people going through the attraction.

“You good?” you asked with a smirk.

His frantic eyes found yours and he immediately tried to cover it up.

“Pfft, yeah, I’m fine,” he said while freeing you from his embrace.

You laughed. “Okay, come on.”

It was the hall of clowns that really got him. Big mirrors lined the hallway, and you felt his close presence behind you. After one jump scare, he grabbed your hand and held tight. Once you made it out of the hall, he finally relaxed but didn’t let go.

“You scared, Tom?” you asked playfully.

His face was red from the adrenaline already so it didn’t really matter if he blushed or not, you could see right through him.

“Okay,” he admitted. “I’m terrified. Hold me.”

He wrapped his arms around you, and you giggled into his chest.

“Don’t worry, babe. I’ve got you,” you said and gave him a quick kiss. He smiled at you, moving a piece of hair from your face.

“What would I do without you?”

You smiled. 

“Probably scream a whole lot more.”

He laughed, but just then you heard a chainsaw fire up, and your moment of peace was shattered by Tom’s wide fearful eyes. And with that, you both sprinted out of the attraction hand and hand.

[originalhybridloverfics]

We Fall Apart

A/N: Okay, I had this just sitting on my computer for years now. I wrote before Olicity became canon and when I was just starting to try my hand at writing. It might suck. I like to think m writing has improved since I wrote this. 

 It’s basically a few scenes from an Olicity story I was going to write but stopped, deciding not to continue it. 

It’s a Season 2 AU. Read at your own risk. It can be triggering. It’s a Rape Recovery fic. I wanted to touch on how this awful act can haunt a person but that didn’t mean they were broken or couldn’t heal. It’s a sensitive subject for me because I have a total of four family members who have been victims of a sexual crime.

I don’t describe a sexual assault in detail, just the aftermath. 

PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION

The night of the Undertaking, Laurel died. Tommy tried to save her, but he couldn't. It was too late.

Tommy blamed himself. If he had believed Oliver about what kind of man his father was, maybe he could have stopped him. Maybe Laurel would still be alive.

And like Tommy, Oliver blamed himself. He was supposed to protect the city, stop the Undertaking, but he couldn't. He failed the city. He failed Laurel.

Not only did he feel liable for her death. He felt guilty for their last moments together. It was a lie.

The night he slept with Laurel again. He was trying to get back something that he never could. It was never about Laurel.

His life had been hell since he got on that boat, and he wanted to go back to a time before when his life was good.

A time before he knew cruelty and evil and pain. A time when his father was the man, he believed him to be. A time when his mother was the woman he thought she was. A time when his sister was still an innocent child who looked up to him, before she became this person, losing herself to drugs and teenage rebellion. A time when his best friend didn't hate him, didn't look at him like he was a monster and call him a murder.

A time when Laurel would forgive him for anything. Lying and cheating, treating her like she was no more than an afterthought.

It was wrong because he betrayed Tommy for a woman he wasn't in love with. Because he used Laurel, wanting selfishly to go back.

After he slept with her, he realized he didn't want to be that person he was with Laurel. Selfish playboy Ollie who was only concerned with where the next party was. The worst version of himself.

He and Laurel were never good together. He lied. He cheated.

Hell, he got another girl pregnant when he was still with Laurel. He let her believe he was ready for a bigger commitment when he wasn't. Not with her.

He loved Laurel, but he was never in love with her. What he did with Sara was proof of that.

He used her in the past, and he used her again.

For that one night, he was that selfish asshole again, and Laurel died believing there was a chance for them to go back to the one time he didn't want to go back to.

Laurel and Ollie.

So, yes, he felt beyond guilty that her last moments in this world were a lie.

There was never going to be another chance for them because he refused to be the pathetic version of himself that she loved.

LINEBREAK

Felicity woke up on a gasp. Her heart beating rapidly in her chest, drenched in sweat, hair disheveled from the restless sleep. Her hand instinctively went to her abdomen right below her ribcage.

She dreamt of that night often. It haunted her, forever seared into her memory. It wasn’t something she would ever forget.

Being dragged into an alley violated and assaulted no matter how hard she fought and then when he was done with her, stabbed and left for dead.

She hated those nights. She avoided sleep out of fear that she would relive it all again like she had many times over. But she promised herself she wouldn’t be a victim again, and definitely not like that.

Diggle had been the one to find her after the attack. They were supposed to meet up at Verdant. It was why she was in the Glades in the first place. Only she hadn’t counted on her car braking down or her phone’s battery dying and having to walk through the glades.

Diggle, of course, blamed himself, believing he should have known something was wrong. Felicity assured him it wasn’t his fault. She didn’t blame him. If he hadn’t found her, she would have bled out. But that didn’t stop Diggle from taking her self-defense training to another level, and she didn’t argue.

She put as much dedication into it as she did her job at QC. She trained with him three hours a day, and she was getting better and better.

Diggle was sure she could take your average perp even if he rather she didn’t. But the fact that she could take care of herself to a degree made them both feel better.

And with her newfound ability to defend herself, she would make damn sure what happened to her didn’t happen again. Not to mention Digg had her car check for problems weekly, and she made sure her phone was always charged. Neither she or Digg were going to let a repeat of the worst night of her life.

Felicity believes she still had dreams about that night not only because of how traumatizing it was but because the guy was still out there. She knew that If Digg ever got his hands on him, he wouldn’t be around much longer. And that thought gave her comfort.

She sometimes wondered what Oliver would do to the guy, but then again, Oliver disappeared after the Undertaking, and she didn’t want him to know what happened to her. Plus, she wasn’t too pleased that he just abandoned everyone, leaving without even a goodbye.

Oliver wasn’t here, but Digg was, and he’d been there for her more than anybody, he was family in her book. He was her brother in everything, but blood, and that was enough for her.  

LINEBREAK

Over the months while Oliver was gone, Felicity had grown close with Tommy, who luckily survived the Undertaking. Instead of focusing on what happened to her, she focused on helping Tommy. She helped him with his rehabilitation, and she could talk to him about almost anything, they’d had become quick friends, and in just a few shorts months, he had become one of her best friends.

LINEBREAK

Felicity had been fine letting Oliver be, personally if he didn’t want to be there for his city, that was his problem. She was still going to do whatever she could to help people. More so than ever. So she was content with letting Oliver disappear, but then his family was on the verge of losing the company, and they needed him to step in.

She and Digg and Tommy started searching for him. They had been running the search for weeks when a thought occurred to Felicity. If Oliver really wanted to get away from everything where better than the place he had been isolated to for five years. She brought her idea to Digg and Tommy, and both agreed it was quite possible that was where he was. So they made the trip. All three of them.

She was nowhere near ready to jump out of the plane. She completely wanted to kill Tommy and Digg when they gave her a push sending her propelling from the plane. She screamed and when she surfaced from the water, was threatening Tommy, especially since he was laughing at her in amusement.

They trudged through the forest until she accidentally stepped on a landmine. Digg was going to try and disarm it, but then Oliver was there in a tree telling him to stop and for him and Tommy to get back, telling her not to move. Then he was sailing through the air on a vine like Tarzan or something. It took nearly everything in her not to move out of his reach, wanting to avoid physical contact. It wasn’t something she allowed anymore.

Oliver’s arm wrapped around her, and then they went flying through the air, the landmine blowing. They landed on the ground with her on her back and Oliver hovering over her, in between her legs. His forearms bracing him on either side of her.  

Felicity was trying her best not to freak out, but she felt herself shaking. She hoped Oliver chalked it up to adrenaline and nothing else. “Could you get off me?” She muttered.

Oliver looked down at her, noticing her shakiness, but there was something about her eyes that wasn’t right to him. He opened his mouth to reply, but Felicity cut him off.

“You’re really sweaty.” She added.

He rolled his eyes upward, his lips pursing before he pushed himself off her. He held a hand out to her and was surprised when she ignored it, picking herself up without assistance, dusting the dirt from her body.

Then Digg and Tommy were there asking her if she was okay. Each with a tentative hand on her shoulder. It was like the three of them were having a private conversation with something that wasn’t being said but was clear to the three of them. Felicity nodded at them, giving them a small smile of assurance letting out a shaky breath.

LINEBREAK

Oliver expected they were there to bring him back for the city, and he was not having it, but Felicity was haven’t any of his crap either.

“If you don’t want to come back and help your city, fine, don’t. Digg and I have it covered.” Felicity said.

Oliver shot her a surprised look at that.

Felicity continued at his look. "Just because you’ve given up on helping the people of this city doesn’t mean we have.”

Oliver looked affronted at that, but she ignored it and continued. “And secondly, that’s not why we’re here.”

“Then, why are you here?” Oliver questioned.

“Your mother’s in jail, your company is failing, and if you don’t do something, your family will lose it. Lose your family’s legacy. Your family needs you.” Felicity told him. “I know you have things to work through still, but you’re going to have to work through it in starling and not this island, or else your family is going to lose everything.” And with that, she turned away from him going to stand by Digg and Tommy.

Oliver watched her closely, noticing something different about her, she was stronger, harder. More determined than ever.

LINEBREAK

Felicity waited for Oliver to do something, but he didn’t. When he just stood there about to get shot, she reacted on her own. She went up to the guy, grabbed his arm, made quick work of disarming him, and then grabbed the gun, bashing him over the head with it, knocking him out before dropping it to the ground.

Oliver stared at her in surprise, then his eyes widened further, and he was lunging toward her moving out of the way as shots were fired. Then he was wrapping an arm around her waist, and her immediate action was to push him away her hands trying to push at his chest, but he only tightened his hold on her. He grabbed hold of a chain, and then they were swinging through the air, and she was grabbing on to him instinctively. They went through a window glass flying before they were sailing over a desk and crashing onto the floor.

She looked up from her spot on the floor and saw Oliver reach out to brush her hair away, but she moved back instinctively, pushing herself up from the floor.

“Are you alright?” Oliver asked, coming to stand beside her, reaching his hand out again.

Felicity sidestepped him. “I’m fine.”

Oliver’s brow furrowed at her reaction.

LINEBREAK

Oliver watched as Felicity talked with the Detective, Diggle was beside him, and he was talking to another police officer.

“Ms. Smoak, are you alright?” The Detective asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She answered. “Been through worse.”

“About that,” The Detective said. “We still haven’t found the guy who attacked you.”

Felicity shuddered involuntarily, wrapping her arms around herself. “But I assure you we're doing everything we can.”

“I know, Detective.” She nodded. “Thank you.”

Lance nodded then looked over her shoulder. “I’ll leave you in Merlyn's hands. He looks worried.”

Felicity turned, seeing Tommy heading straight toward her. “Licity, are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” She told him as he placed a hand on her shoulder, she didn’t flinch back at his touch because she expected it. She appreciated that he didn’t try to pull her into an embrace like situations like this require. He knew her well, knew how much she was comfortable with.

“Good. I was worried.” Tommy smiled.

“Thanks for caring.” She smiled.

“Always.” He said sincerely.

She smiled, affectionately at him.

Oliver stood with Digg, watching them from the corner of his eye.

It was later when Oliver would ask where she learned to disarm an opponent, and she would tell him that she wasn’t the same defenseless woman she was five months ago.

LINEBREAK

Oliver had come downstairs prepared to get a training session in with Digg when he heard the sounds of what sounded like someone already sparring. The sight that he was greeted with surprised him.

Tommy was seated on the edge of Felicity’s desk, and Digg and Felicity were training. Felicity was dressed in yoga pants, and a yoga sports top her mid-drift showing.

He was surprised by how well Felicity was doing. Blocking and reversing some of Diggs attacks and even swinging some good ones of her own only Digg had deflected them. Still, she didn’t seem deterred only more determined.

He watched them spar for a good fifteen minutes before he cleared his throat.

The two stopped abruptly turning to him. That when he saw it. There was a jagged-edged scar below Felicity's right ribcage, and he had enough scars to know when one was fresh are old, and her scar was definitely new. Maybe by a few months. His feet were moving forward on their own accord, and he was reaching a hand out to trace the scar on what should have been unmarked skin. But as soon as he touched her skin, she jerked away from him.

“Don’t,” Felicity told him sharply.

Oliver's eyes widened for a moment. “What happened?”

“I got it a few years back.” She lied. “Slipped and fell on a knife. I can be quite clumsy. “

Digg sent her a disapproving look about the lie while Tommy thought she could have come up with a better lie than that if she didn’t want to tell Oliver the truth.

“Don’t lie to me.” Oliver glared. “I have enough scars to know when one is an old scar, and that was a horrible lie, to begin with.”

Felicity chose to ignore the part about the scars. “Pot meet kettle.” She said, shortly.

Oliver ignored the remark. “That’s a recent scar? When did you get it?”

Felicity chose not to answer.

“Felicity!” Oliver said, beginning to get impatient, stepping toward her, intimidatingly.

“A few months back!” She snapped. “Stop getting in my personal space, I don’t appreciate it!”

At the words, Tommy was quick to move between them, making sure Oliver back up some to give Felicity the space she needed.

“It’s never bothered you before?” Oliver said, confused.

“Well, it does now!” She snapped.

Oliver was about to ask why but realized they were getting off topic of what he wanted to know. “How did you get it?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business!” She hissed.

“Of course, it is. You’re a part of my team, and what happens to one of you is my business.”

“It’s none of your business,” Felicity repeated firmly.

“Felicity.” She snapped her head in Digg’s direction. “He has a right to know.”

“No, he doesn’t. And I get to decide who has the right to know. It happened to me.” She was getting worked up. “He left. He wasn’t here. So he doesn’t have the right. We may be a team, but it had nothing to do with that, so he doesn’t need to know! I-“ She stopped abruptly when a hand landed on her arm, and she looked to Tommy.

“It’s alright, calm down,” Tommy said soothingly. “It’s your business. If you don’t want him to know, we won’t tell him.”

She calmed at his words taking a deep breath before nodding. “I-I’m going to go shower.” She didn't look back.

Oliver watched her until she was out of sight. “What happened to her?”

“She’ll tell you when she’s ready,” Tommy told her.

Oliver glared. “I should know.”

“You’re right, you should,” Digg said. “But just like the island is your business, what happened is Felicity's, she’ll tell you when she ready. Not before."

Oliver knew Digg had a point, but it bothered him. Still, he knew they wouldn’t tell him, and Felicity definitely wasn’t telling him. He would have to wait until Felicity was ready to share that information with him.

LINEBREAK

Oliver was noticing that Felicity seemed to be quite upset with him, and he didn’t understand why. She wasn’t rude or mean or harsh to him. Still, she only talked to him when it involved QC and arrow business. When they all went out to lunch, she avoided him, didn’t look his way, didn’t join in the conversation, she kept her distance.

It had been a few weeks, and he had enough of it, so he tricked her into going to lunch with him, saying Digg and Tommy were going to meet them there.

When Felicity realized he tricked her, she glared but took a seat and ordered. “You didn’t need to lie.”  

“It seems I did. “ Oliver responded. “I want to know what I did to make you hate me. I can’t fix it if I don’t know why you suddenly hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” Felicity sighed, earning a raised eyebrow. “Look, I’ve been short with you, but I been upset that you left.”

“Felicity.” Oliver sighed.

“Look, I know I wasn’t your girlfriend or family, but I at least thought we were friends,” Felicity told him.

“We are,” Oliver said. “I just, I couldn’t take knowing I failed the city.”

“You didn’t fail the city.” Oliver was relieved to hear the reassuring sound of her voice. “You saved so many lives. What happened wasn’t your fault. A lot of people are alive because of you. Tommy being one of them.”

He nodded. “You’re right, after everything you did for me, I should have at least said goodbye. I guess I still don’t think about the consequences of my choices.”

“Only sometimes.” Felicity gave him a small smile. “We’ll just going to have to call you a work in progress.”

Oliver smiled then, recognizing the olive branch she was offering. The rest of lunch went by like they used to with light, friendly conversation.

LINEBREAK

Oliver and Felicity were slowly getting back to how they been before the Glades fell. Things were less tense with them. They got dinner once a week together with Tommy and Diggle and even Thea and Roy on occasion.

Oliver brought up her scar a few times, but she still wouldn’t tell him. It brought the tension back between them each time he did, so eventually, he stopped asking her. But that didn’t stop him from trying to get it out of Tommy or Digg; however, neither were willing to talk. He even tried asking Detective Lance since he found out that they spoke frequently and was sure he knew something about it, but not one of them would budge. Felicity eventually pulled him to the side, telling him she would tell him when she was ready to.

LINEBREAK

None were more surprised than Digg and Tommy when Felicity offered to be bait for the doll maker. She didn’t want any more innocent victims to die. The faster he was off the streets, the better.

She did what she had to and succeeded in getting him off the streets. However, it also brought back what happened to her to the forefront of her mind.

She didn’t sleep well for the rest of the week and lost her appetite. She trained with Diggle excessively. Oliver had tried to ask her what was wrong, but she kept tight lip, and eventually, he told her if she needed someone to talk to, she could talk to him. She thanked him but told him she didn’t want to talk about it. And he understood because he knew it had to do with her scar and Oliver knew what it was like to not want to talk about something.

He didn’t like to talk about the island, so he understood and didn’t push it. Instead, he made sure she got food since she didn’t seem to concern about eating. He kept her company in the Foundry when she stayed late, and even gave her a few tips on defending herself. He even oversaw some of her workouts.

But he was glad to see her slowly get back to normal, and she seemed to be okay for all appearances.

LINEBREAK

Oliver had watched surprised as she quickly broke free of the Count's hold. When the Count went for her again, he fired three arrows in quick concession. He watched as the Count went through the window, falling to the ground, he walked forward and looked down to see his body crashed down below on a car, dead.

Felicity now that the Count was gone, collapse to the floor, shaken, trying to fight off the dark memories of five months before.

Oliver quickly moved to Felicity, kneeling in front of her, his gloved hand going to her cheek, making sure she was okay. She flinched back from his touch, but after he reassured she was safe, she was okay, she relaxed and even took his hand in hers, giving it a thankful squeeze. She worried over his shot wound he assured her it was nothing and she couldn’t help but notice how shaken up she was.

LINEBREAK

Oliver had taken off when he heard the sirens, and Felicity had stayed having to answer questions. Telling the police that she was saved by the vigilante. It was on the news in no time. After Oliver was officially notified, he showed up with Diggle, going to her as Detective Lance was taking down her statement.

“Kid, I swear you’re going to give me a heart attack,” Lance told her. “With as much trouble as you get into, you should have someone watching over you.”

“I do.” She said. “I’ve got a vigilante.” She said, then paused, looking at him with wide eyes. “And that’s completely off the record.”

“Noted,” Lance said, giving her a look of slight amusement.  

“Felicity!” Tommy called barreling inside, she turned just in time for Tommy to throw his arms around her, startled she went rigid but told herself that it was only Tommy. He would never hurt her. Slowly she relaxed in his hold, returning it cautiously.

Tommy pulled back, releasing her. “I'm sorry. I was so worried. It’s all over the news. Are you alright?”

“I will be.” She answered and saw Digg and Oliver join them.

“Detective, are you finished with my employee I’d like to make sure she’s okay,” Oliver said.

The Detective nodded, telling him gruffly. “Take care of her, Queen.” Before bidding Felicity bye, letting them go.

The four men ushered Felicity out of there.

LINEBREAK

Oliver’s words about there not being a choice to make when it came to her being in danger, touched Felicity, and made her realize Digg and him were right. He had the right to know.

If he cared enough to kill a man to keep her safe, he had the right to know what happened. She wasn’t ready to head home still shakin' up, so she stayed working in the Foundry and tried to work out her shakiness by training, having changed into a yoga outfit.

She didn’t think Oliver would be returning tonight and was startled when she heard someone coming down the steps and saw it was Oliver. She swept her hair off her face and took a drink of her water bottle before greeting him. “Hey, I didn’t think you be back tonight.”

“I could say the same for you. I thought you would have made your way home by now. It's getting late.” He told her.

“I needed to work off some of the nerves. “ Felicity glanced at the time. “I didn’t realize it was that late. I guess I lost track of time. I just going to go shower and then head out.”

He nodded and watched as she left. Fifteen minutes later she returned dress in jeans and a t-shirt her hair pulled back in a ponytail, glasses perched on her nose.

“So, what are you doing here so late?” She wondered as she grabbed her bag.

“I thought I work off some steam.” He said, then added. “Too much energy.”

She nodded and was silent for a moment as she watched him turned toward the training area and found herself speaking. “Would you still like to know what happened to me?”

Oliver paused at her words before turning to face her. “Yes but I don’t want to push, I’ll wait till you’re ready to tell me.”

“It happened two months after you left,” Felicity told him. “When you first left, I focused on the Foundry and getting it fixed, the construction. Then the new set up, and with the rest of my free time, I spent visiting Tommy in the hospital because you weren’t here to do it. I knew how important he was to you.”

“I never thanked you for that,” Oliver said, walking back to her.

Felicity gave him a small smile before continuing, her smile fading.

"One night, when I was supposed to meet up with Digg at the Foundry. My car broke down in the glades on the way there, I tried to call Digg, but my phone apparently went dead, and I had no signal on my tablet. I couldn’t get a message out to him. I decided to just walk..” Her voice trailed off.

Oliver watched as a haunted expression appeared in her eyes, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what happened, but he knew he needed to know.

Want and need were two different things, so he waited for her to continue, and she did after a moment.

"I was crossing past this dark alley when I was pulled in to it,” Felicity said. “I fought and struggled, but he was bigger and stronger than I was. I only managed to get away for a moment before he knocked me to the ground and pinned me there with his body..” She paused, trying to get the words out. “He-He –he uh, he..” She couldn’t say it, her eyes filling with tears. She shook her head. “When he was done, he stabbed me and left me for dead.”

Oliver stared at her, silently, white noise was all he could hear as he focused on the fact that Felicity had been raped.

Sweet, kind, caring, Felicity was raped while he’d been back on the island. It was no wonder why she had changed. He felt an anger like he hadn’t known before surge through him.

“Digg found me got me to the hospital,” Felicity said. “I had to stay in the hospital for two weeks due to the knife wound. Tommy visited me all the same, and we just bonded more. When I got out of the hospital, Digg insisted on taking my self-defense training more seriously, and I agreed immediately.” Felicity swiped the tears from her eyes. “Anyway, that’s what happened to me.”

“The guy, did you get a good look at him?” Oliver asked, trying to force his voice to stay calm. “Did the cops get him? Did Digg get him?”

“No, he’s out there somewhere,” Felicity said, with a shake of her head. “The cops don’t have much to go on. It was dark, and he kept his face and body mostly covered.”

“Well, what about him, do you remember?” Oliver questioned.

“Oliver...” Felicity said. “I don’t want to-“

“I know,” Oliver said. “I just need to know for the off chance that I can find him."

Felicity looked at him, surprised by the tone in his voice. He sounded like it was something vital, and it wasn’t every day that he said the word, please.

“Please, Felicity.” He repeated.

“He was around 6 feet, he was muscular but lean, I don’t know what his face looks like it was covered and the only light was from a lamplight at the opening of the alley, but I did notice two things.”

“What?” Oliver latched on immediately.

“He had two tattoos, one was on his neck of a snake and another on his arm of a skull,” Felicity told him.

“What area in the Glades?” Oliver asked.

“The south of the Glades, over on Paseo,” Felicity answered. “Looks it late, I’m just want to get some rest, so I’m going to go.” She turned but paused when Oliver called out to her.

Oliver stepped up to her. “I promise you nothing like that will ever happen again. I’ll keep you safe.”

Felicity gave him a soft smile and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze to which he returned. “I know.” She released his hand. "And I can protect myself now."

“Let me make sure you get home safely.” Oliver requested.

“That’s okay.” She told him. “I’m going to stay at Tommy’s for the night.” At Oliver surprised look, she added. “After, I had nightmares, and Tommy was always there to help me through them. I usually stay with him or called him when its one of those bad nights and I don’t want to be alone. He one of the few men in my life that I can be alone with without feeling scared..so are you and Digg.”

Oliver gave her a small smile. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nodded and turned, heading up the stairs.

Oliver's hands clenched into his fist. He was going to hit the streets.

Someone had to know something, and he was going to find out at any cost.

The bastard would regret ever laying a hand on Felicity Smoak. The Arrow, no, The Hood was going to make damn sure of it.

A/N: I won’t be continuing this one. 

[hollandroos]

Seven Minutes - Tom Holland

Summary: A car, eyes cast on the backseat, a red light and a truck. Four things that spell out trouble. You look back on exactly what happened and the aftermath.

Warnings: Blood, car accidents, dangerous driving, hospitals. Please don’t read if any of this will trigger you. This does have a good ending.

Words: 2398 - remember to reblog it if you liked it!

The lyrics are from ‘autumn leaves’ by Ed Sheeren and @neptuneparker helped me tons with this concept! I love cora so much, go check out her work :)

Greenlight. It was a green light. You were sure of it.

Your foot was on the accelerator, you glanced back to help him find your bag. He muttered something and at the time you weren’t sure what it was. At the time you hadn’t thought twice because you were so used to bickering back and forth but now you had deciphered it after hours of sitting in the chilling hospital waiting room. He told you to pay attention to the road, that he had it sorted.

Before you left, he told you that his seatbelt wasn’t going in and you told him that it would be okay. That you were a safe driver because never in your life had you been in an accident or even been pulled over by the police but there was always a time for firsts only you didn’t believe that up until now. You told him that he’d be okay and you shrugged off the fact that other drivers weren’t as safe as you as you turned up the sound of Ed Sheeran on the radio and bopped your head to lyrics that’d soon appear in every one of your nightmares.

“Babe, my seatbelt isn’t going in.” Your boyfriend complains, trying almost forcefully to get the two pieces together.  

Keys rattle between fingertips, your phone ticking down the minutes until you’d be late for your family gathering. You could only picture your mother's face if you turned up even five minutes late. You could already hear her scolding you for never being on time and turn on the ignition, feeling the car roar to life beneath you.

“It’s not even ten minutes away, we’ll be alright.” You tell him, one hand going to the radio station as the other guides the car safely out of your driveway. Ed Sheeran's voice rings through the speakers and with a shrug, Tom leaves the belt unbuckled.

Another mind, another soul Another body to grow old It's not complicated

Even with your eyes trained on the road, you were aware of the fact that he was wearing a blue hoodie that you swore he stole from the far from home set and a white shirt underneath with a pair of form-fitting jeans. You may have stolen a few sideways glances and Tom may have caught you once or twice. He looked nothing less then handsome with his hair left naturally, tousled around after a few strokes with his hands and you ignore the desire to fix that one curl in the front that hangs over his forehead.

“Honey, can you please grab my bag from the back seat and text my mum, just to let her know that we’re on the way?” You ask, sliding your bottom lip between your teeth. Ed sings a soft love song, whispering words that were spoken between sheets for the two of you and the promise ring on your finger is cool against the steering wheel.

Float down Like autumn leaves Hush now

Tom reaches over, reaching into the backseat and tries to find the bag but with no success, he furrows his brows. Your backseat was a mess, sure, but he hadn’t realised just how bad it was until now.

“I can’t find it, are you sure you put it behind here? Maybe we left it at home? Shit, babe, we really need to clean this car.” He chuckles, hand landing on a golf club from three weeks ago.

You screw your face up, slouching in your seat and glance into the side mirror to check for cars. The roads seemed rather empty today and for that you were thankful. But rain pelts against your front window, competing with the sound of the radio and your small words going back and forth. Little bickers defeating the purpose of having the radio on in the first place and windshield wipers sing out.

“No, I know I put it there before we left. Here let me have a feel.” You try, guiding one hand off of the wheel. It was okay because the roads weren’t busy and you were only seven minutes away and it was okay because nothing could go wrong, right? Seven minutes.

Tom shakes his head, continuing to feel around. He had better access without a seatbelt on and winces when he stretches his arm too far, not being able to squeeze it into some of the small gaps. “Pay attention to the road, love, I got it.” He prompts.

“No, I know it’s here, just let me…” You grunt, not finding anything before huffing. For a quick moment you take your eyes off of the road, seeing a green light ahead and look into the backseat and bingo– your toffee coloured purse sat on the floor right next to his gym bag. You knew that the second you opened it you’d stain the car walls with the smell of spearmint gum.  “I told you I had it, you just didn’t look hard enough–”

Tom sees it first. He sees the truck come racing towards the two of you, running a red light and travelling over the speed limit but it’s ready to hit your car with such a force that he knows he may not make it out because people didn’t just survive these things. A truck horn blars and Toms' ears begin to ring and all he can think about is you as time travels in slow motion.

You, who’s turned away from the vehicle and you who’s mumbling something about your bag and you who still didn’t have your eyes on the road and Tom throws himself in front of you, arm keeping you still in your seat because god– if anything happened to you he would never forgive himself. Tom shuts coffee brown eyes, taking one last breath.

“Watch out!”

Close your eyes before the sleep

You hadn’t stopped tapping your foot since they made you take a seat in that creaky chair. It dug into your back, making ugly noises every time you so much as moved an inch and other people gave you weird looks. You couldn’t care less about the fact that you were waiting in the waiting room with a bandage around your head and stitches beneath your eye with a blanket they’d scrapped out of one of the storage closets draped around your shoulders. It was warm, yes, but you were still freezing.

Two seats away from you a little boy sits, picking at the edge of the seat. He pulls apart the wood before his mother scolds him and tells him to sit still but even still his legs kick back and forth, knocking against the leg chairs and it reminds you of the sickening sound of the truck driver banging against the side of his car for help, wailing for support as he forces himself out of his truck.

Seven seats away is an older man around eighty. His eyes are drawn together and the bags beneath them tell you that he hasn’t slept for days. His hair, grey and tangled was long overgrown and for a second you forget all about your own pain to focus on his. 

But sometimes its damn near impossible to escape your own reality for too long.

Goosebumps sit on your arms and legs and you shiver profusely with eyes glazed over with pure pain but not pain that rooted from your wounds or the fact that you’d have to explain to the police that he hadn’t had a seatbelt on and you hadn’t been watching the road, but the pain that rooted from the picture that was ingrained in your mind. Haunting you.

The sound of the radio was just as broken as the windshield, words coming out cracked and muffled. There’s a ringing in your ears and a sharp pain in your head coming from every angle and your mouth opens only no words come out at the sight of your seemingly lifeless boyfriend hanging through the front window.

Only you were screaming. There was a harsh ringing in your ears, preventing you from hearing the deafening sound of your own screams and wails and the screeching of other vehicles coming to a halt and the calls for help from the lightheaded truck driver who climbs out of his shattered vehicle on his hands and knees. Glass impales his cheeks and backs of his hands and blood poured from his upper arm but you wouldn’t know that, because your eyes weren’t on him.

And you're miles away

“Tom…” You feel your lips move but you don’t hear the words. “Tommy, baby, please wake up.” You plead but he doesn’t move and there’s glass everywhere, scattered across the dashboard and you choke at the sight of sickly crimson soaking the white tee beneath his coat. “We need to go to my moms, baby.” You cry, a metallic taste settling on the tip of your tongue. 

Usually, Tom would respond in no more then a second at the sound of your voice. He always said he was drawn to it like a kid to a candy store but this time he doesn’t even budge. “She’ll be waiting for us, Tom, please.”

And you thrash around as they pull you from the wreck, entire body engulfed in pain and it begged you just to give in but you couldn’t when they pulled Tom from the wreck. You were close enough to see his face hidden beneath a sickly layer of reacking blood as the paramedic kept a deathly grip on your arm and you swore you’d never needed to see those bright brown eyes so desperately. 

You thrash and fight because Tom always promised that he’d be okay if you were with him so you can’t leave him now– because if you left him then he wouldn’t be okay and you needed him to be okay.

And yesterday you were here with me

A doctor with an ugly haircut and a fake smile plastered across powdered cheeks calls his last name, one that was soon to be yours too and if you weren’t injured then you would’ve jumped out of your seat, thrown the blanket off of your shoulders and shouted praises. But the blanket was your only current source of comfort despite it smelling funny, so you draw it closer to your chest, regretfully breathing in the smell of medicines and disinfectant and you wonder if the doctor's sympathy was fake too. Or maybe you were just emotional.

“That’s my fiance.” You announce, fear trapped between muttered words and the nurse nods her head, strands of red hair falling over nude lips. His parents were expected to rush in at any moment. “Is he okay?”

It may have been a question, allowing infinite answers but there was only one answer you wanted– one answer you needed. You needed to hear that he was okay and laying up in bed right now with a cheeky smile, pestering the nurses for more jelly cups and waiting for you to walk in so that he could scold you for now listening when he said he had it sorted.

She nods her head towards the hall where the blinding white was calling your name, demanding you crawl with your heart out and more pain then you could muster to the boy who lay stiff due to a few mistakes.

“Come with me.”

Another tear, another cry

Heavy footsteps make their way down the hall and you follow, practically floating on air as you drag your feet along the floor and people give you pitiful looks, seeing the broken girl with the heavy eyes and seemingly limp limbs. Though for a second you fear they’re looks of accusation. Suddenly you’ve never wanted to be invisible so badly and you hope that the blanket will just hurry up and swallow you whole.

His room was room 307. Seven’s Toms favourite number and it’s how many minutes away you were from making it to your parent's house and it’s the amount of time you were in the car before the ambulance arrived.

The nurse leaves you in the room and you’re glad because the second she does leave, you allow your tears to fall. He looked… you didn’t even know. See Tom never looked anything less then beautiful but beautiful isn’t the word you should use when someone is lying stiff in a hospital bed, connected to endless wires and fighting for their life. Swallowing back sobs, you stop next to his bed, taking a seat on the seat that sits next to the thing and hesitates before speaking up.

“I’ve seen a lot of bad, Tom. I’ve seen enough to drive some people mad.” You speak softly, playing with the blanket that hung off of the side of his assigned bed. “But you… you aren’t the bad, and that’s why you need to fight and get yourself out of this mess.”

The hospital blanket is thin, barely covering his torso so you shrug your own off and place it over him carefully, picking at the stray pieces of cotton hanging over the side as his chest moves up and down peacefully. You hope he’s warm, but now you’re cold, suffering the wrath of the hospital AC that seeps into the room and you knew that if he was awake he’d tell you to stop being so selfless and take the damn thing back. But he’s not awake.

Another place for us to die

The monitor next to the bed taunts you, threatening to go flat at any moment but it signifies that he’s still alive and suddenly you’re able to accept it. But what you can’t accept is the fact that his hand is so, icy cold as you place yours in his. You take it anyway, hoping that he could feel you there and maybe hoping that that’d be enough to get him to open his eyes.

Seven minutes. That’s how long it takes him to wake up and smile back at you. It takes another seven seconds for him to ask what happened, and fifteen for him to tell you that it wasn’t your fault and twenty seconds for him to tell you that he loves you more then the moon loves the stars.

Is it that it's over or do birds still sing for you?

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[niksixx]

The Love of a Brother

Requested: Yes, by an Anon💕

Description: Nikki is your older brother and he comforts you when the family past comes back to haunt you

Pairing: The Dirt!Nikki Sixx x Reader

Warning: Language, brief mentions of abuse

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You ran as fast as your feet could carry you. The wind whipped through your hair and burned your eyes, but you never stopped running. You had to get away. It didn’t matter where you went, but you refused to spend another second in that damn house again.

You never wanted this. This life, this pain. It was exhausting, and there was only so much a girl could take. To top it all off, you had no one to turn to. You were tired of bottling up your feelings, tired of constantly running away, so you did the last thing that came to mind. You ran to your brother.

Nikki had moved out years ago when you were just eleven years old, and soon enough your brother was touring the world with his band, Mötley Crüe. You were so proud of him for getting out of the shithole you called a home. You’d only wished Nikki would’ve brought you along for the ride.

After running for an hour, hopping on three buses, and lazily trudging through the thunderstorm that had conveniently hit, you had finally made it to Nikki’s house. You looked and felt like an utter mess; Your hair was knotty and matted to your face, your clothes were drenched and would take hours to dry, and your face was painted with wet mascara. But despite everything that had gone wrong that day, seeing Nikki’s face for the first time in months would take the pain away. Hopefully.

Timidly knocking on the front door, you rocked back and forth on your heels. The last time you had seen Nikki, he’d been drunk off his ass and high on cocaine. And that was almost seven months ago. Despite the eight year age gap and the fact that you didn’t share the same father, you and Nikki had always been close growing up. Your relationship had dwindled a bit due to Nikki’s constant traveling with the Crüe, but he always tried his best to call as often as his schedule allowed.

Your breath hitched when the front door opened, but it wasn’t who you expected.

“Y/N?” Mick asked, blinking a few times as to clear his vision. “Honey, what are you doing here?”

Swallowing nervously, you shifted your weight to one side. “I need to see Nikki, Mick. Is he here?”

Chuckling, Mick reached out and threw his arm around your shoulder. “This is his house, ‘course he’s here. He’s in the back room with Tommy and Vince. Now come on, get out of the rain, you’re gonna freeze to death.”

Stepping into your brother’s home, you could feel tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. Nikki had grown up, moved out, toured the world, and made a home for himself. And here you were, still living at home with your drunk of a mother and her abusive boyfriend.

“He’s in there,” Mick said, gesturing to what looked to be a music room.

Nodding, you softly pushed open the door and took a hesitant step inside. Nikki, Vince, and Tommy all had their backs to you, looking over a sheet littered in lyrics.

Clearing your throat, you closed the door, startling the three men. They turned at the same time, all looking at you with a combination of shock and confusion.

“Y/N?” Nikki said, handing the lyrics to Vince. He stalked across the room and grabbed you in a hug, and the tears that you’d been desperately trying to hold back began to fall, smudging your mascara even more. “What are you doing here?” He held you back at arms length, examining your face. His face hardened immediately and you knew why. Nikki reached out, lightly brushing a thumb over your cheek and you winced. “What the fuck is that—.”

“Can I talk to you?” Your lips were trembling and your body was shaking. “Privately? Please?”

Nodding quickly, Nikki grabbed your hand and lead you through the house, closing his bedroom door behind you. He promised he’d give you a tour of his new home later.

“Now then,” Nikki said, sitting on the edge of his bed. You’d changed into one of Nikki’s old band tees and tattered sweats before sliding into the bed, hugging a pillow to your chest. “Do you wanna tell me why you have a fucking bruise on your cheek the size of a golf ball?”

You knew Nikki would freak, but you couldn’t lie to him. You were tired of locking your emotions away. Exhaling slowly, you brought your eyes up to Nikki who was gazing at you intently. “Mom and Jerry got in a fight…again.”

Shaking his head, Nikki let out an empty laugh. “What else is new?”

“And I heard something break in the living room, so I went out to check and I saw them screaming and pushing each other, and Jerry had a knife in his hand—.”

“Y/N, tell me right now you did not get involved in that shit,” Nikki muttered, scooting close to you. You lay your head on his shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of cigarettes. “Please, just tell me that bruise isn’t what I think.”

“The reason they were fighting,” you whispered, hiccuping between your words, “Is because your father came by.”

Nikki sat up immediately, horrified. “Frank? What the fuck did that bastard want?”

Shrugging, you pushed Nikki back into the pillow, repositioning your head on his shoulder. You’d never met Nikki’s father before until that night, and you were glad you’d never known him. He was the same as Jerry; An abusive drunk.

“He almost broke down the door to get inside,” You shook your head, trying to rid the thought of Frank Ferrana slamming his fists against the front door, shouting profanities from the other side. “There was a bottle of vodka in his hand and he was screaming that mom had kept you from him, never let him see you.”

Nikki’s eyes widened, pure disbelief shining through. “That man left me when I was a child. Who the fuck does he think he is?”

“He and Jerry got into a fist fight,” you continued, pulling your lip between your teeth. “Mom was screaming and I tried to stop them, pull them apart, and then the next thing I knew, Frank punched me across the face.”

The look on Nikki’s face was one you’d never seen before and hoped you’d never see again. His eyes had grown a shade darker and his jaw was clenched along with his fists. He was three seconds away from losing his mind. “That man…punched you?”

You watched as Nikki flexed his fingers, flexing and clenching again and again. “I didn’t stay long enough to see what happened next. I fucking flew out the door, Nikki. I took three buses to get here. I can’t do this anymore. Today was the second time someone mom dated tried to break into our damn house. Jerry hits her and she’s always too drunk to give a shit, and then I suffer because of it. I don’t want to stay there anymore, Nikki. I can’t.”

“You won’t,” Nikki’s voice had softened up, and you saw a glimpse of your normal brother. “You’re coming to live with me.”

“What?” Sitting up, you pushed the pillow off your lap. “Nikki, no. This is your life. I can’t stay here.”

“Y/N, look at me,” Nikki grabbed your chin, pulling you close. “You are my little sister and you are not going back to that hell-hole, not if I have anything to do with it. We will go back tomorrow and you can grab your things, but you are not living there anymore.”

“What about tour?” You asked incredulously. “I can’t intrude on your life.”

“That’s up to you,” Nikki said offering a comforting smile. Wrapping his arm around your shoulder, he pulled you into his side, letting you rest your head on his chest. “You can either come on tour with us, or you can stay here and figure some things out. Get a job, finish college, the world is yours, Y/N. Take all the time you need. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you lately, but I’m here now.”

Your life had never been easy but for the past few months, it had been pure hell. You’d dropped out of school, lost most of your friends, and watched Jerry beat your mother. You locked yourself in your room, cried for days, and spoke to no one.

Nikki was your saving grace. He was giving you a home, something you never truly had. You spent the rest of the day lying on your brother’s shoulder, thinking of ways to repay him. And with every idea you came up with, Nikki was quick to shoot it down. Even though you had grown up, in Nikki’s eyes you were still his baby sister, and he swore from the day you had come home from the hospital that crisp winter morning, he would always watch over you. And Nikki always kept his promises.

[vincess-princess]

Hey!! I love your blogs and all your Nikki/Vince/Tommy stuff!! I was wondering if you could write something about how the dynamics of their relationship may change after Vince comes back from jail. Like, maybe they try to give him space but it just makes everything strained and Vince gets the wrong idea so he leaves but it ends really sweet with them comforting each other?! Just an idea, so no worries💕

heeeyy!! i’m so so sorry it took me so long, i thought a lot on this topic too and it turned out i can’t fit all of that into a small piece. so uh, have this.

“Not evenonce,” Vince’s raspy voice echoed against the walls of an empty studio. Mickpromptly fled when he sensed an argument coming, shooing off all producers andmanagers as well. Now it was only three of them there.

“I’ve beenin jail for nineteen fuckin days. Nineteen!” he kicked the coffee table.Half-empty alcohol bottles rattled across the floor. Strong smell of whiskyhung in the air. “And not even once did you manage to visit me there! Been toobusy, huh? Couldn’t be bothered?”

Tommy,curled up on the couch next to Nikki, shot him a panicked glance. What are we supposed to say? His fingersclenched his drumsticks so tightly his knuckles went white. He was scared,Nikki could say from the expression in his eyes. Not of Vince’s anger – togetherthey could easily hold him down. It was something else, and Nikki couldn’tunderstand what.

Vince breathedheavily, stepped right on the shatters, he’swearing thin sneakers, he might get hurt, Nikki felt a sting of concern. Vincelooked at them, his face a mix of anger, desperation and pain, and Nikkirealized he has never seen him like this before. The silence in the rooms wasstifling, and Nikki should have probably said something, it was always his wordthat finished their arguments. Only he didn’t know what.

“Havenothing to say?!” Vince grabbed a bottle and hurled it into the wall. It brokeinto thousands of pieces, and some block in Nikki’s head shattered togetherwith the bottle. What a fucking spoiledbrat, he found himself thinking as anger rose in his chest, anger sointense he would himself be scared of it – later.

“You talkas though we owe you anything, Vinnie,” his voice was sharp and bitter, andeven Tommy looked at him in astonishment. Vince froze on his place, eyes wideand red-rimmed. He left all his gloss and glamour in prison, and now it wasjust him in front of them, together with his numerous issues. “You weren’t there even for that long. Definitelynot as long as you should have.”

“Nikki,stop.” Tommy’s voice was quivering, and he looked at Nikki in pure shock. Nikkididn’t dare to look up at Vince, but his face was probably even worse. “Are youfucking sick? Do you realise what you just said?”

“I meantexactly what I just said,” Nikki spitted out. It all was going downhill anyway.

“Youdidn’t,” Tommy shook his head, did hereally try to fix it, Nikki wondered,didn’t he understand?

“No, hedid,” Vince’s voice was strangely calm and a little hoarse, as if it wasn’t himjust a minute earlier screaming and throwing bottles into the wall. “I see now.He just doesn’t want to have anything to do with a murderer.”

When thedoor of the studio slammed shut, Tommy buried his face in his hands with adesperate whimper. Nikki stared at the door, as though still trying to seeVince behind it.

He justrealized what the expression in Tommy’s eyes that he knew but couldn’tunderstand was. It was an expression of a child watching his parents fight andnot being able to do anything about it.

***

Guilt camelater. At night, like it always did.

Tommysnored peacefully by his side, his arm thrown over Nikki’s chest. He radiatedwarmth, only making Nikki more painfully aware of the emptiness by his otherside. It was there for almost a month, but still felt as acutely as it was onthe first night. Even more that day, with the crippling realization that itmight have been their permanent state from now on.

All becausehe couldn’t have kept his fucking mouth shut.

Yes, Vince wasalways an entitled prick who thought the world owed him something without wantingto give something back. Vince wasn’t a perfect boyfriend either – too selfish,never actually caring about their needs, always putting himself first and Nikkiand Tommy the second. The only thing he really cared about was sex; all otherkinds of intimacy he avoided like the plague. He was, in fact, a shittyboyfriend. All Nikki did today was put him into his place, show him his ownissues, something that should’ve been done long ago. Right?

Nikkigroaned quietly and covered his face with his hands.

No. No, itwasn’t right.

Nikkicarefully moved Tommy’s arm away from his stomach and got up, fumbling blindlyunder the bed for his boots and pants, freezing on place every time Tommy’ssnoring changed ever so slightly. Tommy said nothing wrong that day. It wasNikki’s duty to deal with all that bullshit.

Of course,Tommy didn’t think so.

“Where yougoing?” his sleepy voice reached Nikki when he was in the process of fishinghis keys from under the wardrobe. How thefuck did they even get there, Nikki thought angrily, giving up on trying tomove the wardrobe as quietly as possible.

“Wanted topick up some snacks.”

“At threea.m.? Good luck with that,” Tommy muttered, stepping out from the bedroom. “Didyou really want to sneak out in the night without me?” he blindly stumbledalong the corridor to the bathroom. ”Wait for me to take a piss. I’m going withyou.”

“Wow, howbossy.” For a minute Nikki considered just grabbing the keys and running awaybefore Tommy even had a chance to catch him. Then he remembered that this idiotwouldn’t hesitate to run after him in his birthday suit, and also that thenight was quite chilly that day, and changed his mind. At least he wouldn’thave to handle Vince’s bad temper alone.

***

When Vincesaw who was standing in the doorway, he tried to slam it shut.

“Hold on,Vinnie,” Tommy put his foot in the door, and for a second Vince looked like hewas seriously considering slashing Tommy’s foot in half with it. “We just wannatalk.”

Vincelooked above Tommy’s shoulder, saw Nikki there and his facial expression wentfrom mildly frustrated to outright murderous.

“You’vealready said everything,” he cut out, trying to push Tommy out of the doorway andclose the door. Tommy clutched at the doorframe like his life depended on it.

“You twoalready said everything! I didn’t.” With Nikki’s help he forced his way downthe hallway. Vince, realizing pushing the two of them out was physicallyimpossible, eventually gave up, closing the door behind them. He avoidedlooking at Nikki, fixing his eyes on Tommy.

“Then sayit and get the fuck out of here.” Vince’s voice wasn’t angry - only tired. Helooked just like he sounded - hair uncombed, three-day-old stubble unshaved, clothesdirty. He really let himself go after his release, Nikki thought.

Then he sawa bottle of whisky in Vince’s hand.

“Hey! What thefuck is that? Aren’t you still on probation?” he stepped up, cutting Tommy’sinspirational speech about what idiots both of them were.

“I am,”Vince stepped back, baring his teeth in a mocking grin. “What are you gonna doabout that? Call the police?”

“Gu-uys,”Tommy groaned in the background, but neither of them paid attention.

“Do youfucking realise that if you’re caught, you’ll go back to jail?” Nikki tried to snatchthe bottle, but Vince promptly jumped back.

“Isn’t itexactly what you want?” he spitted out. “Getting rid of both you problematicsinger and an annoying boyfriend – or should I say ex-boyfriend? Killing twobirds with one stone, huh?”

It was asthough Vince punched Nikki directly in the guts. All the words that Nikki wasgoing to say about him putting their entire careers in danger or underminingtheir relationship disappeared without a trace. So did his anger that alreadystarted building up in his chest. Everything disappeared, leaving only one thoughtcrystal clear in his mind.

Did he really believe that?

Vince wasstanding there, clenching a half-empty bottle, defiance on his face so distinctNikki almost fell for it, almost believed it to be genuine. But he knew Vincetoo well. There was something else beneath the surface. Disappointment, andbetrayal, and hurt, oh so much hurt.

“Oh,Vinnie,” Nikki stepped forward, too fast for Vince to back down, and threw hisarms around him in a strongest hug he probably ever gave to someone. Vince madea surprised noise, but didn’t try to push him away, and after a first fewseconds leaned into Nikki’s touch, burying his face in Nikki’s neck. “Did youreally believe that, you idiot?”

“You werepretty convincing,” Vince muttered into his neck, his breath shallow. “You knowwhat? You really need to figure out your shit.”

“You bothneed to,” Tommy, who’s been watching them with that helpless desperation Nikkisaw in his eyes in the studio, crushed them both in a bear hug, relief in hisvoice maybe too obvious. “Fucking idiots, you two.”

“You’rejust the same,” Nikki murmured, pulling him closer with his other hand. Theystood quietly for a while, rubbing one another’s backs, and that feeling ofemptiness that haunted Nikki at night was finally gone.

[niyascribes]

darling street (four)

summary: When Bucky has an anxiety attack at a party he finds refuge in the roommate of the host party. 

information: A spy academy/college AU WOC, honestly don’t know if something bad happened

a/n: this chapter is shit  

-masterlist| part one/ part two/ part three/ part four/ part five

 Do you ever make a decision that you thought was good at first, like choosing my advanced combat offensive class at 5‘o clock in the morning? I let out a small groan before crawling out of my bed. I take a quick military shower before getting dressed in leggings and my heavy duty sports bra. I swipe some deodorant under my arms before putting on my Nike windbreaker and I lace up my sneakers. I put my hair into a high ponytail before slinging my duffel bag around my chest. I grab my keys walking out the door. I take a deep breath before starting my run to my class 5 miles away. I listen to my feet hitting the pavement rhythmically. Maybe I should’ve stretched before starting my run, I already feel the sting of my calves shooting up my legs. I feel the stairs of other Brooklyn natives, but I don’t know if it’s because of my appearance or because I’m bolting down the street at 4:o0 in the morning. I make it to my class way before 5 o’clock, I get there at 4:30 way before the other students. I’m greeted by my professor Maria, who’s setting up for class. “Tommy, glad you’re early we need to talk.” She says dropping the rope in her arms on the ground. I drop my duffel on the floor stretching out my shoulders. “About what?”I asked cocking an eyebrow and stretching my legs. “I’m dropping you from all of my classes.” She says straight forward walking pasted my shocked and angered body. “I’m done training you. You trained all summer,” she pauses before smirking “and you put the principal in a headlock.” She says pulling her lips into a cocky grin, while I bashfully look down at the ropes “So, I think you got all your credits.” She says turning to the supply closet. “So, that’s it I get dropped from this class. You know I’m only taking one other class what am I suppose to do?” I asked placing my hands on my hip. “Intern at S.H.E.I.L D,” She answers quick knowing that’s not what I wanna do. I’m going to be staying behind the scenes only letting them call me when needed, but she countered quickly “Or could teach beginner combat class with one of my hot students,” She suggests wiggling her eyebrows at me while I grimace at her calling one of her students hot. “He’s your type.” She whispers. I suck in some air letting it fill my cheeks then let out a hiss “Nah, I’ll pass.” I say grabbing my bag off the floor turning around walking towards the door. “You’ll get paid!” She adds on quickly which makes me stop abruptly and whip my body around to face her. I etched a smile on my face “When do I start?” I question. She smiles and takes a look at her watch. She lets out a hum “In 15 minutes next door, room A356.” My eyes widen at the sudden news “Have fun.” Maria teases. I roll my eyes walking out. I walk down the corridor to the next room. I open the brown door to see the person that’s been haunting my thoughts for the entire weekend. “You following me sweetheart?” Bucky asks with a smirk. I tense up and shake my head “No, why you-” I’m cut off by Maria. “Yes, so I see you’ve met Bucky.” She stands by my side with a smirk on her lips. “No, we know each other,” I say shaking my head looking to the floor. Maria pats me on the shoulder “I leave you two to catch up then.” She smiles giving me a lighting fast wink then leaving us. “You just can’t stay away from me doll,” Bucky states cockily cocking an eyebrow stepping towards me. I let out a laugh looking into his icy blue eyes which causes a shiver to run down my back. I roll my eyes so far they could have been stuck in my head. I scoff crossing my arms “Please I try to stay as far away from you as possible, but you just seem to pop up everywhere. I say with a sickly-sweet smile. He chuckles and steps closer to me “But, it looks like we’re stuck with each other,” He says walking closer and I place my hand on his chest keeping space in-between us, leaving my bitch face on. “And we should play nice.” He says leaning down closer to my ear, giving me a charming smile looking down at me with those baby blues he calls eyes. I return the smile looking up “You don’t have to worry about me playing nice if you just do your job.” I keep the smile on my face. Our staring contest was interrupted by someone walking in “Is this beginner combat?” This small brunet girl asks walking in. Bucky takes one more look at me and addresses her. “Yes, it is. I’m the main trainer Bucky and this is my assistant Tommy,” He says and I scoff at the sound of me being his ‘assistant’. He attention turns to me after I scoff and she looks me up and down before smirking. “I think I’m gonna like this class.” She says and Bucky rolls his eyes while I let out a laugh. ___ “So today we’re going to teach you how to break out of a choke hold.” He says addressing the class. I stand behind Bucky shooting daggers in the back of his head. “S’ easy so, everyone partner up and the larger person will hold the other in a hold.” He says before turning around looking at me with a cheesy smile on his face. I roll my eyes before standing in front of him. He leans down to whisper in my ear “Don’t be shy now,” He rubs my arms with his calloused hands which are currently breaking our into goosebumps from the deepness of his tone. “Fuck off Bucky,” I say with annoyance laced in my voice. He chuckles removing his hands from my skin. He widens his stance which towers over me before he puts me into a soft rear chokehold bringing his front into my back. “How about you explain this one, Tommy.” He says and I can practically hear the smile on his face. I return a smile “My pleasure.” I say sarcastically. I twist my head and grab onto his arm “First you wanna free up your airways, so you can you know breathe.” I say earning a chuckle from Bucky and the class. “Grab on to your attacker's arm if the person is choking you from the left turn your head to the left and do the same if they come from the right. You wanna raise your shoulders and tuck your chin into their elbow, and lean into their hold by bending your knees.” I say before demonstrating quickly. “Now step out with your right foot and hook it around the leg of your attacker leaving you two calf to calf. I say while hooking my leg around Buckys. “Lastly turn out and throw him down,” I say before throwing Bucky off of me he falls to the ground with a soft thud. We let the students try it on each other and everyone in the class had to take down Bucky. While letting the class cool down a male student asks a question. “You two are advanced in spy training, I know that’s not how you take down someone that has you in a hold.” He says laying on the floor. I and Bucky nod “Yeah we add a little flare and if someone tried and choke me they are getting more than pushed on the ground.” I say crossing my arms standing next to Bucky. “Yeah, we’re taught to take the person down silently but effectively,” Bucky adds on with a solid nod at the end of his sentence. Which I nod to also agreeing with him. “Can you show us?” Another student pipes up, which starts a chant in the class of people saying ‘show us’ over and over again. I laugh looking over a Bucky who is shaking his head with a little smile on his face. I nudge him with my elbow “Why not Bucky, and this can go on the record of me beating your ass.” I say wearing a teasing grin. He turns and smiles down at me “You’re on dollface,” He returns the tease. The class erupts in cheers causing me to laugh again. “So I want you to try to put me into a chokehold rather than me breaking out of one.” I suggest-fully demand. He nods “I don’t care because I can beat you in whatever.” Bucky brags keeping the smile on his face. “Let’s go,” I say hyping myself up. Bucky’s first move was for my waist and I doge tapping him on the lower back instead of a punch. “You can hit me doll.” He says as he sets up again as I do. I put my hands up ready to attack. Bucky lands a hit to my side distracting me as he grabs my arm pinning it behind me. I counter with a backward kick to the shins and slamming my head back into his chest to causing him to stagger back. He sets up again “Come on Bucky, you can do better than that.” I taunt tilting my head to the side. I ignore the giddy murmurs from the class and focus. Bucky’s demeanor changed and he took off the jacket he was wearing reviling the sleeve of tattoos covering his arm full of scars. While I was distracted by Bucky’s beefy arms he throws a punch, I barely doge. I quickly kick his legs from under him and straddle his waist quickly. I pin his arms over his head before announcing my win “Pinned,” I say with a smirk on your face Bucky chuckles “I let you win doll, don’t get too cocky.” He says with a smirk. “Of course you did,” I say smirking down at him. Both of us were too engulfed into the moment to hear the holler and cheers of praise from the class. “This is a good time to get off of me, though I do like his position,” Bucky says with the smirk still tight on his face and his eyebrow raised. I scoff and release him. “Class dismissed,” I say once I stand on my feet. The class scurries out of the room leaving me and Bucky. He’s gotten himself off the floor and his arms crossed. “Good fight babydoll.” He says with a smirk before packing up and leaving me there.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Promises Not Kept  *Tommy Shelby*

Summary: Tommy Shelby made a promise to Jonah Ward while in the war. A promise he didn't keep. But it comes to haunt him when he tries to drown out his sorrows with a young woman.

Fic warnings: Prostitution, violence, swearing, pretty much everything to do with Peaky Blinders

      The youngest girl, Bessie, a petite redhead was the first with the news. She came scampering into the shared room where the girls would freshen up between clients. Late, as usual, she had a wild look in her eyes.

           “Tha’s Thomas Shelby in the lobby.” She gasped out and clutched at her coat. Stray snowflakes melted in her fiery hair. “He’s back.”

           The rest of the girls were stirred up into a frenzy at the news.

           “Again?”

           “He’s already had me ‘fore, might be comin’ back for me.”

           “Fuckin’ pays well don’t he?”

           Bea, the eldest and most experienced out of the bunch blew out a drag of smoke. “’Course he does. The Shelbys own Birmingham and that means they’re fuckin’ dangerous.’ She glared at the hopeful eyed girls. “None of you should be makin’ ties with that lot. Best to stay unseen.”

           “Still, he’ll be wantin’ a fuck.” Teresa shrugged and eyed herself in the mirror as she applied lipstick. "I ain't gonna turn him or his money down."

           “Don’t you worry,” Bea turned to the young woman on her left. “He doesn’t pick blonde girls.”

           Leah chewed on her lower lip and glanced at the vanity mirror next to her. Indeed, she had honey-colored hair, which usually did her well in her line of business.

           Leah was twenty-five, a prime age for a London prostitute. Not too green but not worn out either. She found herself prostituting after a long drawn out mess of increasingly worse luck. Since 1918, she had been stuck in a downward spiral.

           It could always be worse, that’s what she reminded herself every time she woke up. She wasn’t starving on the streets but she did feel like a piece of her died every single time she closed her eyes.

           “Leah?” Billy stuck his head into the room. He was a good man, a hotel employee who was paid extra to introduce clients to the girls. The madam handled the rest of the transactions. But it was a classier transaction up front. The hotel provided a luxurious setting for the wealthy clientele who sought out the harem of girls. Women who were touted as much more than those of seedy whorehouses, although that’s where they all originated. The illusion that the ten women were hand-picked goddesses, submissive in nature (unless a man preferred the roles reversed).

           Respectful. Discreet. Beautiful. Expensive.

           For Leah, the titillating façade wore off fast. She was still a whore. Men faked their love and affection or they didn’t even bother. Despite the money, Leah always felt used. Yet she blamed herself. The naïve daughter of a chemist. Now just a whore.

           “Mr. Shelby’s requested someone new,” Billy informed her.

           The other girls went quiet for a moment. Teresa looked irked. “She’s the only one he hasn’t fucked yet?”

           Billy, a quiet man, who looked out for the girls well being, nodded in confirmation.

           “He doesn’t like blondes.” Bea retorted protectively. “He hardly even looked at Rose. Send Teresa out.”

           Leah’s face went ashen. The Shelbys were not people she wanted to be involved with.

           “He insisted.”

           She swallowed and stood. “S’okay, Bea.” She faked a smile and touched the older woman’s arm. “How’d I look?”

           “Perfect.” Bea nodded but looked visibly worried.

           The other girls watched as Leah stood, tightening the ties around her peach-colored dressing gown. She followed Billy down the hall to one of the nicer suites.

           “He’s inside.”

           She nodded. “Thank you, Billy.” Her voice was quiet as she stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. Nerves rattled her bones. The Shelby name was not one to be taken lightly. Leah remembered hearing about them when she worked in a brothel a couple of years back.

           Crazy gypsy bastards.

           Fucking animals.

           Bloodthirsty.

           Harsh words that she’d never heard when describing an entire family. But perhaps they weren’t wrong because the Shelbys only became more and more powerful. They were a force to be reckoned with, especially if you resided in Britain’s underworld. Leah did and had for some time. But she had her limits.

           “Right, f’ya got heels on, you can take ‘em off.” Tommy was standing by the window, his back to Leah. A half-finished cigarette clenched between his lips. A thin haze of smoke already hung over the room.

           Swallowing, Leah reached down to remove the heels from her feet. She was so focused on the straps she didn’t notice he’d turned around. When she set the shoes aside, she straightened up and came face-to-face with the most dangerous man in Birmingham.

           His eyes were like the coldest winter, much worse than the blustery December evening outside the hotel. He was thin, average height, and sculpted with sharp edges. Everything from his dark hair to his clean-shaven face was pristine. His three-piece-suit wasn’t an uncommon sight for clients but he just seemed more refined. It masked his deeds but intimidation remained.

           He was beautiful there was no denying that. But he had several, if not dozens, of ghosts haunting him. Hanging over his shoulder. Never letting him forget. His hardened stare was hypnotizing but fear-inducing all the while.

           “You’re blonde.” His voice was quiet, deep, like thunder in the far distance.

           Leah didn’t know how to respond. She only nodded. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

           He stared at her for a moment. It was nearly unbearable being under the scrutiny of the calculating man. He drew the cigarette from his mouth and parted his lips slightly to release thin wisps of smoke. “Right,” It appeared he’d made up his mind. He shrugged his coat off and tossed it to the side. He averted his gaze from her and began removing the small bits and trappings of a wealthy man. Cufflinks, arm garter, pocket-watch, and finally his glasses.

           Leah was frozen in her spot. Typically, she was outgoing when it came to clients. The more special she made them feel, the more they would pay. But Tommy’s presence was terrifying.

           His eyes flicked up to her in slight annoyance when she didn’t move a muscle. He cleared his throat and made a curt gesture towards the bed, prompting her to move.

           As if a spell had been lifted, Leah began to untie the dressing gown and let it slip off her shoulders to the floor. The reaction she got confirmed what Tommy was there for. A good prostitute could get a sense of why the man was there. Despite his cold manner, he was easy to read. He hardly even glanced up when she cast her robe to the side and walked to the bed clad in lingerie. His indifference said a lot. Tommy was there to deal with an itch, perhaps to further drown out some sorrows. What he was grieving was unknown.

           He put out his cigarette and removed his waistcoat and shirt, still avoiding looking at the woman he was paying for.

           Leah reclined back against the plush pillows. Her eyes kept catching glances of him as he undressed. She knew she needed to keep her head down, not attract any attention from him. But he had such a presence it was hard to look away.

           Tommy handled the situation like anything else in his life. It was a business transaction, nothing more. He moved with such grace and certainty. His thin frame was a far cry from the brutal gangster that people labeled him as. But Leah could see the muscles flexing in his arms and chest when he got on top of her.

           “You’re a quiet one, eh?” He broke the silence again. One hand braced himself against the bed, the other slipped between them. His long fingers grazed down her stomach, catching the bits of lace of her lingerie.

           Leah looked up at him, studying his face once he was closer. He certainly looked years younger without his glasses, but there was exhaustion to his features. It seemed like he’d gone days without more than a few hours of sleep. A small nick of a scar marked his cheek. His eyes were, even more, alarming the closer he was. But his touch was surprisingly gentle at the onset.

           “Do you like having conversations with girls like me?” Leah asked quietly, wondering if she should speak more to him. She’d been a little too busy taking in his form.

           He shook his head and a hint of amusement crossed his eyes. “Try to have some decency, don’t I? M’not a monster.”

           She was quick to correct herself. “'Course not, Mr. Shelby.”

           “Call me Tommy.”

           Something struck Leah like a brick to the head. Tommy. Tommy Shelby. She could see the name written in her husband’s handwriting.

           Tommy Shelby, and his brothers, they act as though death is an old friend of theirs. None of them are scared to go to hell. Nice blokes but there’s something about them.

           Leah’s sudden realization was cut short when she felt Tommy’s finger brush over her sex. Startled out of her thoughts, she let out a hitched moan and let her eyes slide closed. He was no stranger to a woman’s body that was clear just after half a second of him touching her. It wasn’t often she was really turned on by a client. Most were inexperienced, too worried about their own pleasure, or downright awful at pleasure.

           But not Tommy Shelby. He had her breathless before he even entered her. When he did, Leah had to ground herself before she became too intoxicated off him. Her arms looped around his neck, her fingers clutching for purchase in his hair.

           He grunted softly when she knotted her fingers in his dark locks. His head dipped down as his hips snapped forward. He moved with ferocity, chasing something beyond release. There was something he needed but it was something a whore could give him. Yet he pressed on.

           Leah was unraveling at the seam. His vigor was pushing away the thoughts that had clouded her brain before. He brought her somewhere she’d long missed. An electric and primal connection.

           “Tommy…” She breathed out.

           And when he opened his eyes, Tommy felt the spark too. He didn’t see Grace, despite Leah’s blonde hair and vague likeness. There was something about the woman beneath him that rendered him breathless and devoid of all other thoughts. His grief. His anxiety. His anger. It was numbed. He could only feel her body and the warmth of her figure.

           Overwhelmed with the sensation, his thrusts stuttered and he stared at her. Disbelief and lust made his pupils blow, thinning out the icy blue.

           Leah let her hand slip to his cheek. Her lips parted like she wanted to say something but had lost all ability of speech. To solve the problem, he ducked down and kissed her. He pressed so hard into it that her lips were certain to bruise.

           Seldom did she allow a client to kiss her. And if she did, it was for more money or to maybe make a young eighteen-year-old feel special on his birthday. But Tommy wiped her brain, made her forget who she truly was, and made her long for the days she had a man to kiss her. Grateful and drunk on the feeling, she kissed him back.

           Nothing at that moment could pull them apart. Tommy only released her lips to hear her as she climaxed. Hearing her gasp out his name pushed him over the edge.

           He groaned and let the feeling wash over him like a deadly cocktail of drugs and alcohol. He felt alive but cured of all the aches and pain held in his bones. He shuddered out a breath and the ringing in his ears faded. Awareness of the room returned.

           Leah was clinging to him, still riding the waves of a release she had yet to find in years. Tommy let her hold onto him until her arms relaxed and her body unlocked.

           Her hazel eyes met his face but both were too stunned to speak. Finally, Tommy sat up and reached for a cigarette. He offered one to Leah who took one out of courtesy.

           They sat in silence for a moment. Smoke rising to the ceiling. Neither expected to find such a strong emotion in that room. It was scary for both of them and they didn’t know what to make of it.

           “Should I leave you?” Leah finally spoke.

           He swallowed hard and shook his head. “No. Not yet.” He replied quietly. There was a danger lurking. The danger of blindly falling for lust. Doing anything to fill the hole where his heart used to be. But he wasn’t about to release the feeling quite yet. He had a meeting in two hours. He was going to make use of that time. Fuck it, he’d be late.

           Tommy flicked his cigarette into the ashtray on the nightstand. He reached over and Leah let him take hers as well. Replacing the cigarette with his hand. His slender fingers lacing in with hers as he kissed her deeply. His eyes closed and he welcomed the feeling. Taking the drug and following the high blindly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Tommy had her for hours. Leah returned to the room in quite a state. Her hair was undone and tangled. Her lipstick was smudged to hell and Tommy had ripped her lingerie in the passion.

           When she returned, the girls all stared at her like she’d been gone for weeks. Bea stood and hurried over to her. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” She asked in a hushed voice.

           Still in a daze, Leah shook her head. “No.” She sat down and started to freshen up. Her movements were slow and delayed. She was still too caught up in the overwhelming sensations. Three hours was not enough, she craved more.

           “Leah?” Bea sat next to her.

           “Hm?”

           “I asked if you were okay.” The older woman looked concerned. “You seem…off.”

           “I’m fine, Bea.” Leah smiled. “Perfectly fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           That night, Tommy and Leah coped with the chance interaction. Leah returned to her rented room early in the morning and knelt by her bed. Beneath, in an old shoebox, she kept her husband’s letters. His shirt and those letters were the only things she had left of him. Losing him to the war sparked her downward spiral. She lost her best friend and the love of her life.

           It was always difficult to read his letters. She intentionally tried to put it from her mind. When she read his words and saw his name signed, she was reminded of what she once had.

           She thumbed through the parchment and finally found one of the several mentions of the Shelbys.

           Tommy Shelby, he and his family live in Birmingham. If anything were to happen to me, I think they would be able to take care of you. They’re rough around the edges but they care for their own. I’m just afraid of leaving you alone.

           Leah sat on the hardwood floor for a long while. She held the paper tightly. Her husband had known Tommy. The man she had just slept with. Overrun with guilt and confusion, the young woman curled up on the floor. She held the letter close to her chest and let herself cry. What kind of person was she? When had the world become too much to bear? Would she ever find the happiness she once had?

~~~~~~~~~

           Tommy stood in the foyer long past midnight. Drunk on gin and then whiskey, he’d stumbled out of his office. Arrow House was silent in the dead of night. The large rooms offered no comfort.

           Moonlight filtered in through the large windows and settled on the portrait of himself, Grace, and Charlie.

           “Fuck…” He cursed under his breath as he singed the tips of his fingers on his cigarette. He dropped it and clumsily stubbed it out with his heel into the carpet.

           His eyes looked up to Grace’s painted face. His heart wrenched and he found himself back where he’d begun that morning. Hindsight told him he was a fool for thinking something with a whore would be real. The only real thing he had was gone. He didn’t have her anymore and he never would again.

           Tommy’s face scrunched up, the pain still seeping in despite the copious amounts of alcohol. He’d have to poison himself with gin to be fully numb. It was times like that night when he wondered if he should embrace the devil.

           “Daddy?”

           Probably the only reason he ignored the demons telling him to give up, called out to him.

           Tommy raised his head and saw Charlie on the stairs landing. He clutched a teddy, concern on his small face. “Charlie, s’late.” He walked up the steps to his son.

           “Bad dreams.” The little boy pouted and reached up.

           “Alright, dad’s gotcha.” Tommy picked him up and did his best to walk a straight line back to Charlie’s bedroom. “Everything’s okay, yeah?” He tucked Charlie back into bed but the boy wouldn’t let go of him.

           “Daddy, stay.” He begged.

           Tommy sighed but gave in. “Okay.” He lay down next to his son, letting him cuddle close. “Dad’s not going anywhere. M’right here. You can go back to sleep, eh?” He murmured.

           Charlie obliged and soon fell asleep in the crook of his father’s arm. But Tommy stayed awake, staring up at the ceiling. A hollow feeling settled into him. It wasn’t unfamiliar but it wasn’t exactly welcome either. He tried to fill it with anything he possibly could. So he decided to go back to her. If Leah could fill that space even for a few hours, he’d have it. An addict through and through, Tommy just wanted to feel something other than hurt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

         Friday night and men were filtering in and out of the hotel. Leah was not herself and everyone around her could tell. She was inattentive, too caught up in her own thoughts to fully interact with the world.

           “Leah? Mr. Shelby’s requested your presence.” Billy’s voice pulled her out of the haze.        

           She didn’t even acknowledge the hushed whispers of the other girls as she stood up and walked out of the room. It was like a siren’s song was luring her down the hallway, back to the room, back to Tommy’s embrace.

           He was standing near the window again. This time his eyes were on her as she entered. He crossed the room quickly with his long strides and immediately enveloped her in a searing kiss. He pressed her against the door and hooked his arms under her thighs to scoop her up.

           Everything fell to pieces. The worry and confusing guilt shattered against the floor. He didn’t offer her time to ruminate. There was no space to hold such feelings. There was no space between them. Leah locked her ankles against his back and moaned against his lips when he tugged on her lip with his teeth.

           Tommy didn’t hold back. He fucked her like the world was about to end. The itch for filling that space was unbearable. But she gave him solace. Her breathy whimpers and gasps spurred him on. Her fingernails left marks that he hoped would remain. He wanted it to last, the feeling that she elicited.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Leah watched the end of his cigarette burn. She was in quite a compromising position. Limbs intertwined under the hotel sheets, she rested against his chest, her fingers idly tracing the tattoo on his chest. He was holding her. It was dangerous and they both knew it.

           Swallowing the silence in her throat, Leah spoke. “I think you knew my husband.”

           Tommy lowered his cigarette, tapping the ash off in the ashtray beside him. “Is that so?” A hint of trepidation filled him. Had he killed her husband? Was she still married and he was fucking her? Both were very plausible scenarios.

           “He was a tunneler in the war.” She spoke steadily. She never spoke about her husband in the hotel. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she actually spoke to someone else about him. She was lonely, had been for years. There was no time for friends outside of the hotel and she had no family. So she had no one to talk to.

           Relief passed over Tommy. So he wasn’t crossing anyone. “In France?”

           She nodded, her hair brushing over his bare skin. “Jonah Ward. He wrote about you, at least I think it was you. Could be someone with the same name.”

           Tommy couldn’t stop the sudden reverse back into time. Emerging from the tunnel hauling the man out into the open air.

           “Tommy!” Jonah gasped out. His eyes blinked rapidly in the sunlight. “Tom…”

           “Right here. You’ll be all right. Arthur!”

           The man touched his face. Blood covered his palm. “Fucking finally got me…” He choked out a laugh. “Those tunnels. Thought I’d be done in by a German when I came here.”

           Tommy lifted the man’s shirt to find the source of the bleeding. A sickeningly large wound covered his chest. He tried to apply pressure but there didn’t seem to be any hope left for the poor man.

           “Tom, y’need to take care of my girl. My Leah. Back home…London.” Jonah grimaced and threw his head back against the muddy ground.

           “You’re going to be okay.” Tommy’s hands shook. It wasn’t the first man he saw die and it wouldn’t be the last. But he was still fairly new to watching someone die.

           “Promise me. Promise me you’ll look after her when you get back home.”

           “I-”

           “She don’t got anyone. No family. Please, Tommy.” A few tears slipped down the man’s bloodied face. “I can’t leave her alone.”

           “Y-yeah, I’ll take care of her.”

           “She’s beautiful…blonde hair. Looks like an angel.” Jonah opened his eyes and stared up at the sky. His eyes glazed over. “Oh…fucking hell…there she is now.” His voice weakened.

           Tommy glanced up at the sky but there was nothing there. It was only the hallucination of a dying man.

           “Lee…you’ve come to bring me home? I’ve missed you, love.” Jonah smiled before he coughed up blood and forced one more inhale. He twitched twice before going limp.

           Cold realization flooded over Tommy. He’d promised. He said he would take care of the woman that was curled up next to him. Was this taking care of her? Paying her for sex? He suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

           “Tommy?” Leah furrowed her eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

           He swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.” He dropped his cigarette in the ashtray and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I knew him. I knew Jonah.”

           Leah propped herself up, looking at him with renewed interest. “You did?” Maybe there was something more left of her husband. Memories from another person. Details she didn’t know.

           Tommy scratched absent-mindedly at his cheek. “I was there. I was there when he passed.”

           Leah’s chest deflated and her eyes stung with the obligatory tears she had when she thought of her husband. “W-was he in pain?” Her lower lip quivered.

           “Think he was in shock, he went peacefully.” He would lie to the widow as long as it meant shielding her from the painful truth. She didn’t need to know the gruesome details of the explosion that caused her husband’s demise.

           “Did he say anything?” A tear slipped from her brown eyes and landed on Tommy’s shoulder.

           “He spoke of you. He clearly loved you.”

           She couldn’t help but quietly cry at the news. “He was such a good man. I w-was so heartbroken.”

           Tommy bit the inside of his cheek. He felt the same grief she did. They’d both lost someone they loved so deeply it hurt. “I’m sorry…”

           “No, you don’t have to apologize.” Leah wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get emotional.” She was well aware of how mourning her late husband was a major turn off.

           But Tommy didn’t mind one bit. “I lost my wife last year.” He said quietly.

           “Oh, Tommy, I’m sorry.” She swallowed and bit her lip. “I didn’t know. M’fraid I don’t much about you.” She admitted.

           He nodded slightly and inhaled shakily. “Most people don’t. S’pose you’ve heard rumors.”

           “I didn’t want to make assumptions about you.”

           Those who didn’t make assumptions about the Shelbys would soon learn it was a mistake. It was better to be overly cautious of fire; a fool tested their luck with it.

           Tommy absent-mindedly lifted the cigarette to his lips but paused. His blue-eyes stared across the room in a daze. “I think I owe you an apology, Leah.” He cleared his throat and discarded the rest of his cigarette. Smoke still curled around him as he met her eyes.

           “For what?” She sat up next to him, letting the sheets pool around her waist. There was no point covering up for a man who tore into her only moments earlier.

           But for Tommy, seeing her bare beside him only drove home the guilt. “When your husband was dying, he asked if I would take care of you.” He wearily ran a hand over his face. “And I promised I would. There’s no excuse for breaking my promise. But now I can offer you a job or-”

           Leah went stiff and subtly pulled away from him. “Oh, Tommy, I appreciate it. But that isn’t your responsibility.” She chewed on her lip and averted her eyes. “My Jonah took care of me but he’s gone now. Don’t think I’ll ever remarry so my well-being is my responsibility, not anyone else’s.”          

           Tommy could see the sadness in her light brown eyes. “But I promised.” He insisted. “I have the means and I can give you a better-”

           Leah turned and placed her feet on the floor. “Tommy, please.” She shook her head and turned her back to him. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

           “This can’t be what you want from life.” He insisted and reached out to touch her shoulder. But he hesitated and withdrew.

           She stood and gathered her things, wrapping herself back up in the robe. “Have a good night, Mr. Shelby.” Her voice was detached and quiet. Her dignity trailed behind her. A whore who refused aid from the king of Birmingham. Jonah only wanted the best for her, but Leah would never be in debt to someone. She was raised to pay her dues and hold her own. So she did. Tommy Shelby wouldn’t carry her through life.

           “Leah,” Tommy called after her but she left and shut the door behind her. Retreating into her grief.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Jonah Ward was a good man. Raised by a jeweler, he was educated and respectful. His father’s shop was right across from the Robinsons’ chemist shop. That’s where he met Leah Robinson. The teenagers fell hard for each other and were married when they turned eighteen. He was her best friend and never thought she would ever be apart from him.

           Then the world fell into war in and he was ripped from her arms. In 1916, Leah received a letter that told her the news. An explosion had permanently taken him. Heartache consumed her and the world seemed to darken. Leah could only guess what Jonah would say if he knew what she did to survive. After her first client, Leah got physically ill and cried. She begged Jonah for forgiveness and sentenced herself to a life of hurt.

           Tommy Shelby couldn’t pardon her for her sins. No one could.

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