#but...its not the end yet...because i cant control myself

[stervrucht]

How I feel after finally finishing that long-ass chapter...

[youraveragemushroom]

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[fairiily]

I ALMOST SHIFTED AFTER 4 YEARS THANKS TO SHIFTBLR

i didnt think i would end up posting on this account but im too excited to not say anything about it.

so ive been apart of the shifting community on tiktok for about 4 years, but ive never had any success.

i just downloaded tumblr a couple weeks ago after deciding that shifttok was annoying LOL. i started to look at shifting here and take in some better info. i was focusing more on loa and myself rather than scavenging for some perfect “method” that was going to work.

ive been doing a lot of affirmations with loa and changing my mindset from “ugh this is so hard i cant do it” to “i have everything i want”

something felt different today, before my attempt i just knew i was going to do something and i kept telling myself how easy it is and how in control i am.

i laid down with no method in mind, just trusting my intention. i affirmed and visualized, occasionally drifiting off to sleep but never sleeping. i noticed i wasnt feeling my body much, and really tuned in to keep affirming.

i ended up seeing a bright light and then suddenly i felt like i was rising and falling and spinning all at the same time. i just *felt* something different like i was somewhere else. i kept affirming but the sudden onset of symptoms overwhelmed me bc its NEVER happened before. i ended up opening my eyes and i hadnt shifted, but i literally dont care because ive never been that close before. i just know i was so close and its because i had set intention and just knew how powerful my abilities are!

i realized ive been overcomplicating everything, theres no magic special method to make you shift, theres not one piece of advice that you havent found yet thats holding you back, all you need is you.

basically i love everyone on shiftblr fuck shifttok sorry this was so long

[alienaiver]

kyoutani fluff, genderneutral reader with POTS (reader is also iwaizumi's younger sibling), 1k words

///

the door is jammed. kyoutani grunts before he pushes at it with his shoulder. in his headphones, the blast of his music is interrupted by an incoming call. it quietens his noise canceling and he hears your wail from the other side,

"for fuck's sake kenken, stop pushing!"

he's never pulled himself away from anything as fast as he does. he takes out his airpod and hears rustling and grunts from the other side. your voice, out of breath calls out, "you can come in now!"

he's not sure what to expect, but he's on his guard. his college classes ended earlier than planned so you most likely didnt expect him home this early.

despite having no expectations, his eyes still widen as he breathes out a string of curses.

youre on the floor, your legs perched up against the shoecabinet (he suspects it was your ass and legs against the door he pushed against earlier) as you give him a peace sign, eyes on your watch measuring your pulse. you clearly dont want him to take a longer look around you.

but how can he not?

every single item that is usually perfectly (messily, if you're asking anyone but him) jammed into his tiny bathroom is currently splayed out in a mess all over his pathetic excuse of an entrance hall.

jesus fucking christ.

"before you get angry!" you hurry to add as you start to sit yourself up. he puts his foot on your chest to stop you, suspecting your POTS attack isn't over yet (he's right, but youll never admit that).

"drink your fuckin' electrolytes."

you groan and swat at his feet with barely any power before you lift your head to drink from your - his - waterbottle.

you let out an exasperated breath of delight to signal that youre done drinking and to spite him. his foot is still resting on your sternum as he lifts an eyebrow, challenging you to pick a fight.

you roll your eyes, "it's the shower curtain,"

its all you get to say before he groans, gets off of you to turn around and close the shitty door. your brows furrow, "you really want me to hang a new, shiny shower curtain inside that dirty den of mold?!"

he takes a moment to breathe, remembers iwaizumi's advice on how to handle his chaotic, chronically ill, younger sibling; you.

"dont." he grits out, his brain muffled, loud and static all at once. he's angry, and he can feel the layer underneath his skin seethe.

"no, really. what's the point of buying new stuff if you just put it on top of the nasty?"

his eyes are clenched shut as he keeps his back to you, "thats not the fucking point and you know it."

he tries not to escalate it, he really does. but while your older brother has a habit of reigning him in, you got a nasty habit of riling him up.

"so you think im not capable? is that it?"

he can hear the hoarse lilt in your voice, the way your anger turns to hurt and frown turns to tears.

he punches the wall.

he hears you get up before you leave the hallway, leave the mess and leave him there with a loud groan.

"its like a prison!" you spit, before throwing yourself on the couch upside down so that your legs are still up.

at least youre taking care of your symptoms.

"you can hang up that shitty curtain! you can paint the fucking walls on the highest ladder for all i care," he says. he can hear the bite in his voice but he cant remove it. the only growth hes had since high school is that he now recognizes when his emotions takes the toll; not how to regain the control.

"but you cant fucking do this shit when youre alone. i refuse to come home to you, neck fucking broken because you thought you could do it yourself!"

"i can do it myself!"

youre sitting up on your elbows now, glaring at him through the door to the hallway, "im not some porcelain doll about to break any second."

kyoutani deflates. he knows youre not; but your POTS attacks are still relatively unknown to you, still unpredictable and so, so new.

so new and scary and terrifying.

you stick out your tongue at him and he gives you the middle finger before he comes into the room to jab at your sides.

you yelp loudly before you try to jab him back. he catches your wrists in his hands, "ill fucking murder you the next time you jam the door with your ass."

you can't help but snort. you use his hold on you to pull yourself up and kiss him. he's still frowning, lips not moving to meet yours, but the way his hands tightens around your wrists tells you enough.

"i'm sorry. i know this is scary for you too. but i promise i was taking care of myself while doing it. and i would like you to trust me just a little, thank you very much."

kyoutani huffs and looks pointedly away. you frown, "you came home to me taking care of myself, didnt you? i didnt get on the stool to remove the holder-thingy because my heartrate spiked."

he softens, not nearly enough for just anyone to see, but enough for the mad dog's biggest fan to spot. you smile and kiss his cheek, "ill wait until you get home next time."

he grunts, but pulls at you so that your upper body is now lying on top of him, legs still in the air.

"whats the number at now?"

you look at your watch and giggle, "163, but thats just because you swept me off and into your arms. thats hot as fuck."

this is knowledge kept to you only, but kyoutani blushes down to his chest when youre being cheesy. he clears his throat, "ill get your compression and some more electrolytes."

you whine and try to wrap your arms around him (its hard when hes still clutching at your wrists), "stay here. ill only behave if you do."

sure, your big brother was good at reigning him in when he was out of line, but youre a master at holding his leash within your control when you really want to. he happily complies, even if he frowns and grunts at you on the outside.

[yanderedollie]

he’s the only one i could call

“fuck.” i groaned, leaning my head back against the headrest.

i lightly slammed my hands down on the steering wheel and lowered my music.

my car had broken down a few cities over from my own.

i picked up my phone to check the time.

3am… of course it is. nobody i know is gonna be up right now to save me.

“this is what i get for neglecting the check battery light” i think to myself. my car stalled a few more pathetic attempts to start as i realized i didn’t have the money for a tow service right now either.

i glanced around and picked up my phone to check maps. maybe there’s a 24 hour diner, or somewhere i can stay till it’s a reasonable hour.

nothing. i wanna throw my phone after i check how far i actually am from my apartment.

as i try one last attempt to move around the map and find a savior my heart drops to my stomach, and leaps back into my throat once i realize just exactly where i am.

two neighborhoods over is his house.

i giggle to myself as an idea flashes in my mind.

before i continue i’ll give context.

the whole reason i’m even cities over from my own was because i took a drive to clear my head. to try and forget him.

i had been trying everything i could but he was always gnawing at my brain. always. and i had been trying to control my obsessive tendencies after our fall out.

i had been doing good but, stuck in a neighborhood so close to his house made my body ache.

my fingertips tingled in anticipation as they hovered over my phone screen.

i wondered if he was even awake. he never really had a great sleep schedule. i checked the time again… 3:05.. i hope he’s not with her.

i nibbled at the inside of my cheek before i threw all reason out the window…

it rang a few times before a familiar, sleepy voice, answered

“[name]?”

my breath caught in my throat before i answered

“hey… hey i’m sorry i know it’s late- were you sleeping?”

“yeah but it’s fine.. are you okay? why are you calling?”

i smiled to myself. he still cares.

“i’m fine! i’m okay! swear. it’s just my car broke down really close to you. everyone i know is asleep…”

i trailed off. i probably sounded so desperate. it dripped off of me.

“[name].. i’m with my girlfriend.. cant- cant you call a tow service?”

i bit the inside of my cheek again. hard. i don’t care about his girlfriend. i’ll kill her.

i shook my head and nervously played with a loose thread at the end of my dress

“i.. uh.. dont have that kind of money right now.”

i sound genuinely pathetic

“i see… uh.. okay um i can come help you. just send me your location… and [name]?”

“hm?”

i practically whined at the idea of him coming to rescue me

“i’m just going to jump start your car and leave okay? please don’t make this a.. a thing”

that stung. i swallowed hard and nodded like he could see me

“yeah. it- it wont be.”

my phone beeped indicating he ended the call. i squirmed in my seat as i sent him a pin of my location.

make it a thing? what the fuck?

i wanted to rip out his throat.

shifting uncomfortably i waited outside in the cold. i leaned up against the drivers side window, shivering and pathetic.

when his cars headlights pulled onto the street i was on i felt my heartbeat quicken and my body tingle.

i was starving.

“hey..”

he said, walking up to my car with cables in his hand

“hi…i’m sorry again about this.”

i smiled softly at him. he always liked when i smiled at him that way… i hoped he felt something. anything.

he smiled back and i swear i could see his eyes linger over my body for a little too long

i felt like pouncing on him like a predator catching its prey.

“no worries. i told my girlfriend i’d be quick so, lets do this”

i felt rage flicker in my gut. stop fucking talking about her.

“right..”

i clearly sounded upset but i didn’t care.

my bones ached as i watched him attempt to jump start my car. he looked as gorgeous as ever.

it started pretty much instantly and i panicked. he couldn’t leave yet. no, no, no, not yet.

“w-wait!”

i practically yelled at him

he stopped abruptly, clearly taken aback by my sudden outburst

“what?!”

he was visibly concerned. never mad. he never really could get mad at me.

i felt tears well up in my eyes

“don’t leave…please.. i’m-i’m sorry. it’s been so long since i've seen you. i had to see you. i can’t stop thinking about you. please please don’t go…”

i felt so many emotions bubble inside of me, i felt like i was going to burst

he stared at me for a long time… then.. he smiled.

“cute.”

i swallowed and looked down at my feet

“stop. i’m sorry. that was really stupid.”

i didn’t look up but i heard him take a step towards me

“[name]….”

i looked up. he was right in front of me, closer to me than he had been in months.

i clenched my jaw. i could smell his cologne and my knees nearly buckled.

“stop it!”

i stepped back. i wanted him so bad but i knew it was wrong. i wanted to kill his girlfriend and rip out his throat, but i was trying so hard to be better. i was really trying

he let out a soft laugh and reached for my hand

“i guess i’m the one making it a thing…”

he held my hand in his so gently i felt myself melt.

“no. we can’t…”

i sounded small, pathetic, desperate. i clearly didn’t mean a word.

“hmm”

he hummed gently, moving his hand up to brush some loose hair behind my shoulder and trace my neck

“why not?”

i didn’t answer, i just held his gaze. it was so intense i nearly looked away.

i knew i could eventually get him where i wanted him…but.. i didn’t think it'd be this easy.

i shivered at his touch and something flickered in his eyes

“you look as beautiful as ever. i like this dress on you..”

he sounded starving now.

“it’s new”

i squeaked.

“mm very pretty, doll”

i let a whimper escape my lips at the nickname and he grinned

“come here.. let me warm you. it’s so cold out here…”

i stepped closer to him without a second thought. anything he wanted i would do it. anything at all.

he wrapped his arms around me and i couldn’t contain myself anymore.

i tangled my fingers into his hair and pressed my body against his, whimpering in the process.

i needed him bad. primal. animalistic

his hands roamed my body, grabbing and groping every part of me.

my breathing quickened as i melted into his touch.

“please..please”

was all i could manage to moan out.

he was barely touching me but i felt my pussy throb and dampen at every grab and tug from his hands

“you’re so pathetic. it’s adorable”

he cooed into my ear before nibbling it a little

we were still outside leaning against my car, his hand travelling up my dress and teasing the waist band of my panties

“[name]… please..”

i couldn’t control myself around him. he was so warm. so sweet. so perfect.

all of a sudden he pulled away tugging my body towards his car. fast.

i barely had time to register what was going on before i was in the backseat and he was looming over me.

i could see glimpses of him in the moonlight. he looked so disgustingly perverted and hungry for me. i fucking loved it.

“you’re such a fucking tease in this little dress. begging me to come save you, to rescue your pathetic ass…”

he said in breathy whispers as he groped my tits and pinched my nipples through the fabric of my dress

i moaned loudly and squirmed underneath him, feeling his hard cock pressed against my thigh

“i can’t believe you [name]. i can’t believe what you do to me”

he quickly slipped the dress off of me and his mouth was on my naked body in an instant. digging his nails into my waist and leaving sloppy, uncoordinated kisses, over my chest and stomach

“mmm… fuck… [name]… please just use me however you want”

i whimpered pathetically each time he moved his mouth or hands

“oh i will.”

i could barely stay conscious between his hands wrapped around my throat and him rubbing his thick cock against the fabric of my panties

it all felt so good i nearly came just from that alone

he ripped my panties off and shoved his cock into my dripping pussy with one swift motion, i saw stars

i coughed and sputtered from the pressure on my neck as he rammed into my cunt

“oh my god.. fuck.. [name] you feel incredible”

he released his grip on my neck to move a hand down to my aching pussy

he gently rubbed my clit as he pumped in and out of me and i could’ve sworn i saw god.

i whined like a pathetic dog as he violated me in ways i had never experienced from him before.

i knew our past sex was good but holy shit

“[name].. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry”

he apologized profusely as he struck me across the face and rammed into me harder

“you’re just so pathetic, i can’t help myself…”

all i could get out was pathetic whines as i looked up at him with desperation.

i wanted more. i wanted everything he could give me. whatever he wanted to do i would take it and i would love it.

“fuck. fuck. fuck. [name] you’re so tight”

he groaned loudly as he rubbed my clit faster

i clenched around his cock as i felt him release a huge load of hot cum inside my womb

i came at the same time, my pussy spasming on his cock as we both let out animalistic groans and pants, clinging to each other like this would be the last time

it was never the last time.

“oh my god..”

was all he could manage into my ear as he collapsed on top of me

i could feel our heartbeats colliding into one, pounding against both of our chests

i laid there staring up at interior of his car, catching my breath

i had asked him to come rescue me in hopes that maybe he’d feel something for me when he saw me

i asked him to save me because i needed to see him

come to find out…. he felt the exact same way

i smiled to myself as he played with my hair, still laying on top of me and softly breathing into my neck

we hadn’t spoken a word to each other yet but, i knew.

i knew he felt the same way i did

all this time i thought he had moved on

but we were just as desperate and perverted for each other as we had been back then

i really need to kill his stupid girlfriend. then he’ll be mine forever.

so much for “getting better”

i never will as long as he’s breathing. i never wanted to in the first place.

“i love you [name]”

he sighed softly, placing a gentle kiss on my neck

“i love you too”

i will never let my darling go… ever. again.

[bridgyrose]

Weiss sank her sharp teeth into the roasted chicken that Ruby had brought for her, a small moan leaving her lips as her tail wagged. She savored the taste with each bite while trying to keep herself from tearing into it as her instincts wanted. “This is better than what I’ve had in months!” 

“What do you normally eat then?” Ruby asked as she sat down next to Weiss. 

“Rabbits, deer… and sometimes when I’m close enough to a village I’ll trade favors for food. Stuff like doing chores for people or killing grimm.” 

“Then why not stay closer to the villages? Sounds like you get a good deal out of it.” 

“Because I’m a monster as far as any of them are concerned.” Weiss took another ravenous bite of her chicken. “And besides, its hard to keep myself looking human enough to not draw attention to me being a werewolf.” 

Ruby nodded and watched Weiss. “So how exactly did you get like”- she motioned her hands around Weiss- “like this?” 

Weiss paused mid bite as she looked at Ruby. She slowly lowered her chicken and sighed as she pulled up a sleeve to show the scarred bite mark. “It… was a training accident. No one knew that one of the students I was training with was a wolf and… well… you saw how I reacted to getting touched by a little silver. I’m sure you can imagine what would happen if I’m struck with it.” 

“Training… were you training to be a huntress?” 

“I was. Father didnt like it, but it felt like the right path for me at the time. But after I was bit and shifted the following full moon, I ran away from home. I tried to go back a couple years after to take the exam to get into one of the academies, but there ended up being another full moon the night before and… well… I ended up attacking someone.” 

“I’m sorry,” Ruby said quietly. “How… how long have you been on your own then?” 

“About ten years.” Weiss went back to eating her chicken, practically crunching on the bones. “Long enough for me to take up my own training and work on my own.” 

“Must be rough.” 

Weiss shrugged and finished off the chicken she’d been given. She licked her lips and took a deep breath to try to focus on her human form, feeling her ears and tail disappear for the moment. Even after years of trying to pass as human, the form still felt foreign to her. And yet, it still felt more comfortable to be in around Ruby. Not that she ever felt uncomfortable around her in the hours since they first met. 

A small blush crossed her cheeks as she thought a bit more about Ruby. The girl was easy to talk to, didnt seem to be scared of her being a wolf, and cute to top it all off. “What about you? Did you train to be a huntress?” 

“I did,” Ruby answered. “Everyone in my family trained to be a huntsman. My sister and I attended Beacon together, though she went off with her girlfriend after we graduated. My mom and dad were on the same team too when they were in training, and the stories he told me of her made me want to be the huntress I am today.” 

“You do realize that means hunting down monsters like me, right?” 

“Well, yes, but… monsters like you are still people. You deserve to live a peaceful life, even if it means you cant be near the kingdoms.” 

Weiss smiled a bit and looked away from Ruby as her blush started to fade. “If only others could be like you. But the reality is that nobody wants anything that resembles a monster or a grimm nearby. And even if people were okay with me here, it wouldnt matter once the full moon came around. I… I still lose control.” 

“Then why not stay here with me until you have control?” 

Weiss went quiet as she looked over at Ruby again, not quite sure what to think. It’d be nice to have a place to call home, even if it’d only be for a while. But the thought of sharing a home with Ruby, staying with someone as kind as her… 

Her blush came back as she looked away, voice cracking briefly as she spoke. “I-I couldnt… I might hurt you on the full moon or bring people to you that might want to hurt you for taking me in-” 

“It’ll be fine,” Ruby said with a smile, offering a hand to Weiss. “I have a cabin in Patch that we can stay at. Far enough away from people that you wont be bothered and there’s plenty of space so when the full moon comes around, you can keep your distance if you’re that worried.” 

Weiss slowly reached for Ruby’s hand, tempted by the offer. A place to finally call home. A place she could finally be at peace and left alone for a few months. And yet, she couldnt find it in her to take Ruby’s hand, to take the offer that she was given. She slowly pulled her hand away, almost lingering until clutched her cloak. “I-I want to, but I cant.” 

“I dont understand. You could finally have the peace you want-” 

“And all I’d do is hurt you.” Weiss closed her cloak and pulled the hood over. “I should go. I wouldnt want you to get in trouble for being with me.” 

Ruby reached out to Weiss. “W-wait! Weiss!” 

Weiss pulled away as she felt Ruby’s fingers brush against her shoulder, her body freezing for just a moment as she took a quick look back at Ruby before running off into the woods. She felt her heart race the further she went, a few tears running down her cheeks at the thought of avoiding Ruby. But if it was the only way to keep her safe, then so be it. 

She’d avoid Ruby for as long as she’d need.

Prev

[skulla-rxcks]

Final girl ✃

Paring: Frank Morrison (the legion) x afab reader

Rating: explicit

Genre: smut

Warnings: g0re, extremely dubious consent, major deaths, PIV, kn1fe play, DDNE ?

Taglist: @f3lix00 @channiesgoodgirl @mal-lunar-28 @bangchans-gf5 @fun-fanfics @iwannabangchan @linosluver

Please dm me or use my inbox if you’d like to be added to the taglist ^^

!THIS IS PURE FICTION, NOTHING IN THIS IS REAL ITS JUST A STORY!

Kate Denson and I are sitting down on a log at a campsite, waiting for our friends to come back, it’s been around an hour or two now and we’re starting to get worried.

“Hey are you feeling alright? You seem out of it.” Kate says, putting her arm around me. “Yeah yeah.. just thinking” I sigh, curving my lips into a slight smile.

“When do you think Dwight and the others will get back here? I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this.” I ask, turning my head slightly to look at her while it’s in my hands. “Who knows, hopefully they’re okay. If not we can go looking for them.” She tries to reassure me, which just ends up making me feel even more off, I don’t know why.

“We’re camping in the middle of the fucking woods! They could be anywhere.” A weird feeling of panic spreads through my body, making me feel weirdly anxious suddenly, like I have a bad feeling about this; about where our friends are and what’s happening to them. “Fuck it. I’m gonna go look for them.” I blurt out, Kate’s expression turns into worry. “Don’t. It’s getting dark what if you get lost?”

“I’ll be fine, worst that could happen is a bear or some animal attacking me. Not like there’s a murderer or anything.”

“I’m not gonna stop you because I know I probably can’t, and I’m worrying about our friends too. But just come back straight away if anything seems off alright?” She replies, I nod back in response and stand up, heading on my way to try and find them, hopefully they’re safe. Kate watches as I leave, her hand slowly moving off of my arm.

My heart feels heavy as I slowly begin to walk away from our makeshift ‘campsite’. I’m not even far away yet, why do I feel so weird? frightened even, like I’m nervous for what’s to come. I cant stop now however though, Kate’s counting on me. I turn around and glance behind me one more time before continuing on, I take in a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and make sure I’m ready for what’s to come. The last thing I need right now is to lose control over myself and become another person who freaks the fuck out at the smallest things. I shake the thoughts out of my mind, focusing my attention back onto finding my friends.

A few minutes pass and I look back, the campsite I came from is officially out of my eye sight, meaning I’m in the depths of the forest now. I walk deeper in; following the dirt path, I notice a strange red liquid on the ground, I follow it. Praying and hoping it doesn’t lead to anything bad..

After following the bloody trail, my eyes widen in fear at the site before me, no way this is real.

it has to be a dream right? Scared, I rub my eyes and realise what infront of me is indeed the bodies of my friends, Dwight, Meg, Bill and Yui. Their corpses are stacked ontop of each other in a gruesome pile, making me slightly sick at the sight. Stab wounds are all over their bodies, blood still spewing out of the wounds, they don’t look extremely fresh but definitely not old..

I begin to panic. wondering if Kate’s okay, I should go back to the campsite and tell her then we should get out of here. I really hope it’s not too late. please be okay Kate, please be okay. I start to hurry back, my feet almost running against the path, my footsteps getting heavier and heavier with each step I take.

half of me thinks this is my fault, I was the one that suggested for us to all hang out now it’s a fucking disaster, this wouldn’t have happened if I never had an idea in my head for us to go camping, I thought it would be fun. turns out it wasn’t and now practically every single one of us is fucking dead because of me!

I make my way back to the site, out of breath from running. “Kate? you there?” I call out, not seeing or hearing a sign of her. fuck fuck fuck! this is a disaster! I can’t loose someone else I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

I walk around, panic erupting my bones as I look down, seeing one more corpse lying before me causing me to scream out at the brutality at this one; Kate’s. it’s Kate’s corpse, her heads been brutally cut off the cut looks chunky and painful almost like it’s been done with a knife, revealing the tendons of her neck; some are still connected, making the site of my dead friend sickening to look at as if the situation and the dead body before me isn’t gross and disturbing enough in itself.

but that’s not the issue right now..

All my friends are dead. everyone has died. I’m alone and probably fucking next.

- - - - - - -

“does a pretty girl like you wanna live? hehe..” I suddenly feel hot breathing on my neck making me shiver, I glance down and see a bloody knife being pressed against my neck.

“o-of course I do why are you.. why are you doing this?” I cry out, feeling tears form in my eyes. “because it’s fucking fun? now do you want to live or not~” he smirks, turning me around and pushing me against my now dead friends trailer.

“give me what I want. and I’ll let you live it’s simple.” he giggles, leaning closer to me, I look up, realising the man has a mask on covering his face under his hoodie which is stained with blood.

“what do you want from me..?” I ask whispering quietly, a hint of fear in my voice.

“you. take your clothes off if you want to live. Been a while since I’ve had a good fuck.” he chuckles, cutting his knife through the fabric of my clothes, slicing them off like butter, no wonder Kate’s head was cut off with just a knife, a god damn sharp one that is.

“fuck you..!” I spit at him, watching as my clothes get ripped from my body. I feel my tears roll down my face as I feel helpless against the man.

my hands start to feel numb as a cold breeze brushes past my shoulders, i get a hint of confidence and try to escape, attempting to fight him off of me but my attempts are of course useless.

“haha.. don’t try to fight it~ I always love a good crybaby. so Fucking pathetic.” He taunts, pressing himself against me harder now, I can feel his growing bulge against my thigh. his grip on my wrist loosens a little bit, but he doesn’t loosen it completely.

I begin struggling against him again, but he tightens his grip on my wrist, forcing me to stay still until it hurts. “finally you stopped fighting huh?” he smiles, removing his hand from my wrist now that he can feel my pain. I gasp heavily at the sudden loss of contact. “now you gonna do what I say or what?”

“I-I’ll do it I’ll let you fuck me.. just don’t.. kill me..” I whine, looking at him with pleading eyes, staring at the mask covering his face. He leans in a bit closer to my face, I look up at him in pure fear. “that’s the spirit~” I can hear the smirk on his face from underneath the mask. I feel another tear run down my face as I’m put on the spot, I slide my panties off before unclipping my bra; standing completely nude infront of the masked murderer.

“Good girl. not even fighting it.” he begins unbuckling his pants, pulling them down along with his boxers; his hard dick standing straight as he sets it free. Holding a knife to my neck once again he forces me onto the ground, my nude body now getting dirty as he begins to kicks me, trying to make me bruised up. I watch as he gets harder; somehow getting turned on from seeing me get hurt. Did he get the same sexual thrill out of killing my friends? I wonder.

“Get on your knees and suck it.” He demands, slapping my face with his cock before violently pushing it into my mouth, making me gag. I feel my eyes begin to get wet again, and before I know it I’m crying.

“oh stop fucking crying! so stupid.. stupid slut!” I get another slap to my face, this time with his hand. His other hand clenches his knife and stabs me lightly in the thigh. “suck it harder. take it deeper!” he yells, laughing as he continues cutting and slicing my legs up making me whimper around his dick in pure pain. this is a nightmare.

Not too long after he cums in my mouth, forcing me to swallow his seed.

“bend over.”

I obey, getting on my hands and knees, feeling the fresh blood dripping down my leg. I let out a cry as he pushes into my tight cunt raw.

“aww poor little bunny, can’t do anything about it because I’ll fucking kill you! haha!” he teases, making me feel helpless and like a useless sex slave. “I h-hate you… ah..” I moan out, my face scrunching up as he pushes in and out of my pussy.

I try to convince myself that I don’t like this - that I don’t want this - and that I’m only doing this so I don’t die but something about how he feels inside me is intoxicating. “stupid little bitch being held at knife point sobbing all over my dick!” he laughs, moving a little faster.

“stop… I wan’t it to stop…” I beg, feeling betrayed by my body as my muscles clench around his length, my body wanting him but my mind disagreeing. “shut up and enjoy it!” he spanks me and picks up his knife again, cutting up my ass, thighs and lower back, making me bleed and yelp out in pain.

“I hate you…” I cry out, trying to block everything out, hoping it’ll end soon.

“you agreed so stop bloody whining!” he growls, pounding my cunt faster now, making me sob as my pussy contracts around him, my insides begging for more of his cock.

“I only said yes so you wouldn’t fucking kill me.. mmgh!” as I say that he lands another cut on my ass, this one deeper that the others, the blood pouring out of my skin at a faster rate. I feel him grip my ass, directly over the fresh wound, squeezing my ass cheek to support himself as he fucks my hole. “ah., ah.. fuck.. I hate you.. fucking.. murderer!”

“shut up! focus your pity mouth on moaning for me and my cock!” he groans. I can’t believe this man killed all of my best friends and is now fucking me.

“please.. stop please I can’t… I can’t fucking take it anymore... I can’t take it anymore..” My head starts to spin and I feel dizzy; everything seems to be fading away, the blood loss and my upcoming orgasm now overtaking my body.

“come for me.. come for me fucking bitch!” he yells. soon after I tighten around him and finally cum, somehow after all of that I can still find a release.

“good. be glad you could live, sweet dreams my little bunny~” I hear his voice whisper into my ear before I finally pass out.

[bereft-of-frogs]

ok I finished season 1 of The Expanse last night. I wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to finish it tonight per my typical 1 episode a night schedule. But what, was I supposed to stop in the middle of Eros??? This show is compulsively watchable. Twice now I've intended on only watching one episode and been unable to stop myself from watching a second. I am holding off a bingewatch through sheer strength of will (and fear of the resulting crash) alone.

It's...different but aside from one thing I genuinely don't like*, it's settling into this state of....but both are good? Like for example: having a perspective on Earth from the jump. On the show's hand, more Avasarala is always a good choice. Loved seeing Montana, and I LOVED the choice to have the UN still in New York, if nothing else for the visual of the Statue of Liberty sticking out of the risen seawaters alone. (Sorry to the Hague, it's just SUCH a good visual.) I think this is setting up Avasarala's character arc starting from a better place, and setting up the web of conspiracies and warmongering we get in Caliban's War.

BUT on the book's hand: I also really liked how Earth's distance and power ended up feeling in the first book. Earth felt like a sleeping giant no one wanted to wake that still affected everyone's daily lives. Its power and influence were present everywhere, but we didn't actually see any direct actions from Earth until they came out so aggressive when they attacked Mars. Like, we see basically nothing of them except the ripple effects of their influence, and then one wrong move by Mars (accusing them of destroying the Cant and the Donnager), and they blow up one of its moons. Without warning. Wham. It made me really understand why they wielded so much power and control, and especially fear in the solar system.

If you asked me to pick which one is 'better' I genuinely don't think I could. They're both narrative choices that work and that is why it's so fun to have both.

*The only thing I genuinely don't like is how mean the crew are to each other! What the hell guys! People prepared me that there's a whole lot of unnecessary added drama so I was braced for it but it still makes me sad, especially when we lose out on lines like this:

And I have some extremely pedantic things like not liking the change to Alex's backstory, the Havelock subplot, that Holden wasn't there when Shed died because that felt like a very formative moment for them as a whole in the book. With that last one, I do understand why, they want to solve the mystery faster. In the books, no one witnesses whatever happens on the Donnager's bridge, so it takes them quite a while of still believing that Mars blew up the Cant to figure out what data they were trying to get off the ship. It makes sense they wanted a main character to witness that AND we got the excellent Lt Lopez scene, he was stellar, so oh no I've landed myself back in 'hmm but both are good' territory.

Still: stop yelling at each other!! they're being so mean! unnecessary!

I also keep flip-flopping on whether reading the books or watching the show first is better. As I said when I was talking about the Mars subversion, I almost want to say show first because I'm so obsessed with how well the production design played with the audience's expectations. If you go into it knowing Mars was being framed, I'm not sure it has quite the same impact, though I'll never know since I cannot, sadly, erase things from my brain to experience them for the first time again. No matter how much I wish I could. But then I watched the episode when they find the Anubis, and watching that knowing the protomolecule feeds on radiation, while the characters don't know that fact yet made things SO tense. The second Amos asks if he should turn on the reactor I was like nooooooo bb don't do it!!! That episode was so stressful.

Anyway, that is the update on my Expanse journey, starting season 2 tonight ✨

[ask-postcrash-curly]

(The dragon looks away as if checking something and looks back with a wince)

Ok Curly, i have to warn you, even if you probably wont notice it because of the delay, but in 24 h, we wont able to send more messages, we are always watching though, we will be there the second it ends ok?

I honestly dont know how to help you believe me, I cannot find any suitable examples without traumatizing you more

If you take his co-pilot permits, and he tries something, im assuming that the system would tell you right? And if its registered you could THEN lock him up something, maybe in cargo, there wont be any legal problems then since you can prove it

But if you still dont want to in case he goes for a weapon directly instead of crashing the ship...ok technically this would only work in a time travel scenario, aka, if you knew what was going to happen, but basically, brace yourself for what he said when you two were near the cockpit that caused you to dissociate, for what im assuming is 30 minutes and stop him, basically doing this: https://youtube.com/shorts/ygIhdTWJtyU?si=gj3NtxJSXD2TQnIx

...I was actually trying to find an excuse to show you that

Anyways, the reason why i said this would only work in a time travel situation, its because, while i know that you snapped out of disassociations before, and i believe you, every disassociation is different

I had many when i was small, specially in school, bullying would do that, anyways, i had them mostly controlled by a point, i could more or less snap out of it, but one day, i was in another school, another class, and these two girls started making fun of me for "not doing the work", i technically did, but thats not the point, the point is that while tehir moking only lasted for a couple seconds, barely a minute, I found myself disassociating really hard, so hard that i missed all of Physics class, it was really scary, losing myself like that for a moment

My point is, disassociations vary, and a few good aimed words can make you disassociate for hours, with no way to get back to reality

And curly, there is no different way, you were not his keeper, you were his friend, and superior, and he should have obeyed you with no question

If you keep at this, im bringing out the big guns, and they arent exactly delicate, and you may want to strangle me xdd

Honestly? Good that you didn't, you wouldn't have been the devil if you did, i dont get why people were lwcturing you so much about it though

I wasn't trying to make you look like a saint, i just meant that you wouldn't have said that after learning about the SA, or that you wouldn't have forgot so easily about it, knowing you as i have now, after a good couple months? I think that if you had said it, it would have been awkward as all hell, but over time it would have been something to laugh about between the two of you, i do apologize here, I am not the best at explaining...anything really

(The dragon looks worried)

I...fine, i trust you and if you say that you can handle it, i will show it to you, but not without doing it first, the other have done so, im a little out of practice, so it may appear muddy or blurry

(The dragon suddenly appears in the room, you get the sense that its making themselves way smaller than it normally is, what was once as big as a small house, its now the size of a large dog. it doesn't have scales but fur that appears purplish, yet you cant exactly tell, it has two large, standard horns on the top of their head, and two wings, yet you cant exactly tell what kind, they keep flickering in and out of existence as if deattached of the rest of the dragon

It move slowly, as if not to scare you, and slowly gets up on the bed, putting a paw on top of you slowly, checking for any sign of pain, after finding none, they slowly get on top of you, deep blue eyes staring deeply into you)

I do not want you having a panic attack on me, im doing this so you have something nore to focus on than these images, thankfully, it doesn't have any blood, im also feeding two birds in one hand and showing both your other daft self that didnt ask questions about why Anya needed conception pills and also showing you Anya post crash, that way you don't see this more than necessary, take a deep breath, and here

https://www.tumblr.com/omagpies/773216063379865600/roleswap-au-a-aspect-of-this-universe-that-im?source=share

I honestly don't know if you are panicking, take deep breaths if you are, and focus on me ok?

So you can focus on another thing immediately after, do you want to see the musical? If so, do you want me to go saga per saga or song per song?

And finally, and because we are going offline for a bit, I cannot not do that little trend

You would be an injured stray cat (not kitten, don't want to infantilize you)

(The dragon chuckles and curls in your chest again)

I'll assume I won't notice it, then. Anyway, if you do disappear, you've never been gone longer than a couple hours... I'll power through. Can't be worse than— Nope, not ready to joke about that one. Moving on.

...Well, that much I'd like to avoid.

The alarms would start going off. But even when I was right outside the cockpit, that wasn't enough warning to stop the crash. Those alarms are meant to warn of a possible crash thanks to autopilot failure. Not an immediate one due to intentional sabotage. Can't rely on that to protect us.

Thirty—? Nope, couldn't have been that long. I'd guess, uh... it was around ten minutes, give or take, between when he left me and when the alarms started. And— and if I couldn't stop him in time, if I froze up... Hah. I like this one. I like the stupid design they give the ship and the dumb little loop.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Kids can be right pricks. And that's... That's rough.

I should be stronger than that. If a few words are enough to knock my mind out, I had no business ever flying a ship. Don't argue— I'm not being self-deprecating. This is plain logic.

But I knew him, I knew he wouldn't have, and it's not as if I gave him orders in the first place! Should have obeyed without— Please. There was more I could have done. i didn't. And that's that. You won't convince me otherwise.

...What does that mean?

I don't think they were, uh... I did ask why it was a bad thing to say. They were just responding to my question.

Okay. Good to know. I don't think we'd be laughing though. You're... you're fine.

Thank you... Oh, hey, you're different now. Hello. What're you doing? I can't feel that, y'know. You don't have to worry about hurting me. ...Hi. Hah. This is new.

...Okay. Okay. I'm ready.

...

Nn... nope. Not panicking. Just, uh, just trying not to cry! Hahah! A-anya— She shouldn't— Did she lose both her eyes— Is she— Was that— The baby, or— Miscarriage? She miscarried a while after the crash here and she wasn't the one caught in it here oh fuck she shouldn't— Anya shouldn't— It's not fair it's supposed to be me she shouldn't— She looks so small. Oh God, does this mean he— does this mean he hit her? I— I don't—

D-deep breaths. It's— I can't fucking— Okay. Okay.

I don't know. I don't know, sorry.

Thank you.

...

I need to see her I need to know she's okay please I don't want to be alone here anymore I need to see them please

[only-omo]

ok but something ive never heard anybody talk abt ever and they should

tourettes omo

or at least tics, i understand why it may be a touchy subject bc awareness and stuff but like as someone with tourettes can i just say

i get bladder tics

and theyre luckily on the rarer side but like, it is literally ill just be doing stuff and then essentially suddenly either actually just wetting myself, or so ungodly close to it as im fighting the waves of desperation accompanying the muscle spasms and its

actually crazy

but like could you imagine your fc who has ts or some other tic syndrome (ts au ? medication ? idk man) and theyre hanging out with friends just doing whatever or something like that, and basically they just start wetting themselves out of nowhere, leading to prying questions (good naturedly or not) about why they didnt go if they had to that badly

maybe theyre peeshy and this kind of thing is semi normal already; or they arent, and they then have to delve into explanations on the fact that either they didnt know/didnt have to go, met with varying degrees of belief, or that they did know, but they also were certain it wasnt near close to bad enough to have an accident yet, and maybe through rambling even admitting straight up that they literally just pissed themselves regardless of need.

or if they didnt even wet fully, anywhere from a rather messy leak that they cant hide, similar to above; to one thats smaller and less obvious, but maybe they freeze up in a really conspicuous way, still bringing attention to themselves, and maybe they suck at playing it off, or just have really pushy/concerned friends, or both, so they end up still having to admit to just having peed themselves a little, despite there being no immediately visble/no visible damage, and then try to explain that they arent in desperate need of a bathroom despite that

or maybe they are. maybe now their body is confused and theyre teetering on the edge of a full accident all of a sudden. and of course theres the constant worry nagging in the back of their head that theyll tic again and lose it the rest of the way, but also trying not to think about it for fear that focusing on it too much will make it happen, which is an entirely real possibility

not to mention any tics that arent actually their bladder, but help just as little, for instance, i get vocal tics but they arent often real words, so like,, invlountary whines and groans that have nothing to do with anything but sound so desperate, paired with jerky/restless movements that arent a real potty dance but at this point only the one ticking themselves can tell the difference; which doesnt matter much in the end anyway, as theres still a real chance theyll wet regardless

or someone who is actually rather desperate, and theyre trying to play it off for one reason or another, but despite their control in terms of potty dancing, they continually lose focus on their tics, which eventually simulate the same thing, and they keep drawing attention to themselves anyway

the absolute confusion and misdirection it causes for everyone else because no one can ever tell when they actually have to go, and eventually they learn that it doesnt really matter if their bladder isnt already completely empty (which only really lasts for like 5 min after using the bathroom if that, so)

[makingspiritualityreal]

it just sucks if you want to be moderately normal to say the least yet every other person now has adhd and a screen addiction thats so bad they cant put their phone down not saying im perfect at it myself but i think we have to be better than this if we want to really be happy. yet everyones normalised all of this internet phone screen time and so on that i cant see an end to it any time soon.

then every other person talks in some weird language you dont know nor care about because everything is intended to be a viral meme or some other shit. thats why i wanted to know if time travel was real or not because ya girl wants to go back to a non internet era. it seriously was moderately better and as kids we had no urge to be on a device so long. it is ridiculous when u think abt it. but now i feel like i need to be indoctrinated into the same view points as everyone else and it makes my brain feel like mush afterwards.

i dont think people arent even aware of how bad they genuinely sound even the saying dont forget to like and subscribe, leave a comment down below is enough to make me not want to do that but at the same time i still feel swayed into subscribing to someones attention seeking desires for them to be known. i also feel like that was liam paynes demise he loved it too much and was addicted to being known that he couldnt not be known if that makes sense? i mean he was in THE biggest bg of his era thats pretty substaintial proof of his success but that alone still wasnt enough for him not to mention they all get diddled with early on its so unpleasant to think of what they must really be like when they arent trying to be something theyre not.

You can’t control the world but you can work on yourself.

The fact that you think you owe anyone a like or a subscribe is an internal problem. You can do what you want and no one can tell you otherwise. It’s your allowance of it that will make or break your life.

You also don’t have to participate in the collective madness. There are people out there who live differently than what you described.

What you focus on grows. There will always be something wrong with the world. Some things don’t deserve your time or attention. A lot of what you said is a US problem.

I had the opportunity to live in Canada, USA and Europe among people of various income levels, from poor to well off, and people outside of the US live differently. They have communities, they have real friends, they actually meet and put their phones down. People also have social media success all around the world. There are many ways to live and you get to choose not to associate with what bothers you.

[goodobservationshirley]

Oh my God. Please tell me more about whether or not you think Cam let Rebecca reciprocate. I am not sure myself if she was emotionally ready for that, which is kinda why we saw her taking control but then DOES THAT MEAN MY GIRL HAD TO GO HOME AND TAKE CARE OF HERSELF BECAUSE SHE CANT LET HERSELF TRUST REBECCA WITH HER BROKEN HEART AGAIN YET?!!!

FINE.

look, at the end of the day, i could be talked into the idea they both got each other off. cam was really really really turned on and it's been ten years and would she really have stopped her? if rebecca's hand had found its way past that damn belt? i'm also a fan of things not being so cut and dry and yes cam obviously has a lot of feelings that would have led her to decline reciprocation, but sometimes shit is just complicated okay, sex is not always logical

on the other hand, cam has so much anger. one of the things that struck me rewatching their scenes for giffing purposes, is how personally she's taking rebecca's return. there's almost a paranoia element to it, like clearly rebecca must have reappeared specifically to mess with her life. so, with that in mind, i can see how allowing rebecca to fuck her back would be too much. almost like LOSING really. at least in that moment which was already a loss of control for cam, it would have been. in a setting where SHE set the terms, like their upcoming not-a-date? that's another story

and yes, it absolutely does mean that cam got home and took care of herself and honestly it probably didn't take much at all and was frustratingly unsatisfying

[arttrampbelle]

Shang tsung doesn't need to be a "good guy" to be sympathetic or do nice or "good" deeds.

Y'all should understand that not everyone needs to be a hero to be redeemed.

That's some bullshit propaganda that y'all tend to fall for.

It's like that feeling of "if you pray to jesus,all you're sins in OUR eyes will be forgiven" type indoctrinated shit. Like no shade thrown,even as someone who is spiritual myself. I find people thinking that a villain in a story should become a hero in order to be redeemed,kinda suspicious.

Shang tsung,to me,has ALWAYS BEEN NUANCED. And already had benevolent qualities and traits. Y'all just only see one damn part of it because the writers suck at showing them properly.

Not to mention if a character isn't obnoxiously nice or mean,y'all don't pay attention to them.

It's like most of mk fans I've noticed,at least as of late. Feels like I'm talking to 3yr olds in media literacy.

So no. Shang tsung needs to be a NEUTRAL CHARACTER. not good,not evil,just self serving and even quite helpful as a tournament master as he is supposed to fucking be.

He is supposed to be that "keep your friends close,keep you enemies closer" type. He is the "the enemy of my enemies are my friends" type. He's scary intelligent,cunning,a master martial artist,a brilliant alchemist,and one badass mofo you do not wanna cross.

But most of all,he is courteous,a gracious host on his island,and his punishments are as great as his rewards. He does keep his end of the bargain,but he also gets compensation.

If anything you need to worry about earthrealms warriors more than him. Half of them now(due to piss poor writing) are hiding behind heroic deeds and false statements of peace yet they have unclean hands too.

With Shang tsung you know what you are dealing with,it's on the table. If you cant read the obvious,you are indeed a foolish one.

No matter what iteration of shang tsung you have. One thing is clear,made clear,and that is when you deal with him. You deal with the devil so to speak.

So if you're not smart nor prepared. That's on your ass honey. Not his. Do not blame him for your stupidity.

But if you know how to play the game,play chess with the serpent. And know these archetypes. Then you may have a better shot. But that's all on you.

Either way,in your favor or not. Do not blame him for telling you exactly what is needed to be said,not what you wanna hear. Honeyed words or not,there's always a sliver of truth and bitter pill of truth in his words. And he's good at making either people hate his guts or bow and worship him.

THAT IS WHY HE'S DANGEROUS. not because of magic,or experiments and other trival bullshit.

Nah.

It's because shang tsung is good at talking. Good at trades and making you believe whatever is what he wants you to see.

Even if it may go against him. He wants you to fuck up,get angry at him,attack,be unbalanced,so he can fuck your shit right up!

Holy shit this mans whole ass moveset is zoning and keeping you in a certain place in the stage even!

It's part of his whole damb character.

I could go on and on. But do not blame to serpent for telling you information for questions you ask him. You're the one who chose to bite his apple of enlightenment and knowledge so to speak.

Which is why the gods,titans,etc want these kombatants,warriors to be stupid. So they are easy to control,to get what they want.

Like it's glaringly obvious that mortal kombats story has these type of tropes and symbolism in it. But people are too blind,for various reasons. To see it.

I could get deep. It's a videogame,i know. It is what it is.

But the more i look at mk12/mk1 shang tsung. The more i feel its a missed opportunity to showcase these themes better for him.

Like holy shit dude. Shang tsung pointing out the hypocrisy of the gods. And whispers in our earthrealm warriors ears. And maybe convincing a few to join his side. Or even better. Our heroes,kung lao and mortal raiden to question liu kang and not blindly follow like fucking idiots. Sure just trust this dude right? Bruh.

Shang tsung is the only one with a brain once again. And i hate them making everyone else so stupid to make him seem better in the shithole plot of theirs. If you can call it a plot.

It burns me,that it's a waste of potential.

But i digress.

Anyways. Shang tsung,way more than an evil conjurer of tricks my dudes. Waaaaaay fucking more.

[gracetoldmeto]

really long rant: why am i so scared of everything?

note: the rest of this post was a draft i made a few days ago, and was going to let rot forever, but today has messed me up so much i just said *why not* and posted bc idk... why not...

im not like 'BOO!!! jumpscare' scared just like... there are so many things in life that could go wrong that are entirely out of your control and theres absolutely nothing you can do about it, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING, because shit happens and sometimes that shit is BAD and permanently fucks you over for life and thats just the way it is bc fate is a game of chance (this is my dramatic ass way of saying 'a forever change') but everyone says "oh if you cant control it then why worry?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?

NO. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS I DO WORRY.

I could die tomorrow. I could get a terminal diagnosis tomorrow. Someone (else) I love could die (again) tomorrow. Maybe my house could burn down tomorrow. Maybe in some freak accident everything I've ever known is taken from me... somehow?

can i control any of this? no.

so what do i do about it??? anything i can to minimize the fallout just in case...

bc isnt that just called RESPONSIBILITY???

ie: house fire? -> ok. insurance.

medical? -> insurance.

death? (that isnt mine) -> stable income

(note #1: this is about the point in my writing of this post where i dont even have the motivation to finish it bc i just wanna sit down and cry... but i might as well)

so OKAY, guess what? i did something about all those possibilities, so my anxiety should be relieved, right? fear gone! all okay now!

WRONG!

all that structure ive created bc its the "rEsPoNsiBLe" way to live, is a slow painful depressing death of my mental health at the hands of my job

yes, id rather gain an inch than lose a mile, small sufferings over large,

but oh my god is that all life is? small sufferings???

if i keep only suffering one inch at a time im going to end up killing myself and i dont quite think anyone truly GETS that except my therapist

this isnt like high school where i knew jack shit about mental health, i know what help is out there, whether or not it works is a totally different story

(note #2: i have looked at my options, ive read the rules, and id actually rather take my metaphorical little plastic car you get at the start of The Game of LIFE boardgame and throw it out a fucking window)

im past the point of easy help and unfortunately the conclusion i keep coming back to is a quote from a fic i wrote last year...

whatever THIS life is, regardless of how much i worked my ASS off for it, i dont want it anymore

(note #3: i dont even think id be in this spot if i didnt have shit luck)

i am equally fucked by either...

1) being responsible, financially safe, insured, but sad af at my job and actively praying something kills me in my sleep

OR

2) quitting my job with no plan and being scared that fate is gonna fuck me over for the upteenth time and this time i wont be able to bounce back or (lets be real) even have a want to (but thats a discussion for another time)

this is no way to fucking live, yet here i am

why am i scared of everything? well, yes i know WHY (bc from personal experience i know what can go wrong)

why am i scared of everything? because you cant be scared of something if you dont know it exists BUT in order to be prepared and responsible it means you have to acknowledge that YES IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

so how the hell am i supposed to be responsible when i hate what comes with it???

"hey alex, what do you wanna be when you grow up? (1) sad or (2) scared?"

actually neither, id rather simply not exist

why am i scared of everything? because how else am i supposed to act?

why am i scared of everything? because actually, there is no answer to this... there is no reason... its just another shit thing in life that iunno how to deal with

why am i scared of everything? because the universe said so and so thats how it is

and i fucking hate it

.

...ok thats all im gonna go make a quesadilla now

[my-castles-crumbling]

TW: domestic abuse???

sorry for the yapping btw lol reaallllly long lol

hello!!

so recently one of my friends has been having relationship problems with an ex.....

They were dating for about 8 months and broke up because she was starting to verbally abuse him, manipulate him, gaslight, guilt trip, the whole shabang in a long distance relationship. She also cheated on him, 3 times, in the span of a month...!

Even though they broke up, they were still in contact, and when he went on a date with someone she went crazy screaming at him on the phone. I saw this first had because I was there when she called him. I could here her even without speaker.

(Most of this was very shocking to me because I had started to become friends with her, and I had never seen her/heard of her acting like that.)

The next day (they had talked it through) she went on a date with a different guy and said it was fine because she was the girl in the relationship and she could do what she wanted. (no????)

After this they had a long talk about if they could see other people because she had insisted on it. they came to the conclusion that they were over had no control or say over each others lives.

Yay!! proplem solved right? WRONG

My friend ends up getting a girlfriend a couple weeks later (same girl he went on a date with.)

They had still be talking as friends as one does sometimes but one night she calls 7 times, and then spam texts him. He thinks something is wrong so he texts her back because she wasn't been doing well mentally. (he cant call because its 2am on a school night.)

She starts asking all these questions about their relationship, saying "oh how did i mess up" "do you still love me more then friends" "am i a shit person because I cheated on you" "I miss you" "we should get back together" etc....

He says no, because he started dating someone about a week ago at this point and he's not giving up on that girl just to go back to her. Reasonable right?

She freaks out and starts yelling at him (over text yes, it was in caps) and starts claiming oh you never loved me, im gonna off myself becuase of this, your such a bad person etc....

he ends up just turning his phone of because she will not stop texting him and its a school night.

That was yesterday and he hasn't done anything about it yet. Ive talked to him about it and suggested that because he still wants to be friends with her (????) that he give her an ultimatum because this is extremely unhealthy for both of them.

Ultimatum being that if she does not clean up her act, that he will cut contact with her.

He's said "no i dont want to do this because shes really unstabled right now and i dont want her to hurt herself or others" but he is not responsible for her life or happiness, peoples actions have consequences.

from,

a concerned friend

Okay, this sounds eerily like one of my past experiences lol. And as someone who has dealt with this before- he NEEDS to cut her off. He is not responsible for her emotions or her actions. He needs to take care of himself, and this is not healthy. He will feel SO much better after he cuts contact. Please remind him that he's not responsible for her and if he's actually concerned about those things, he should call the police.

Naming you concerned friend anon!

[naoknowswhat]

I made a Clover sketch tonight, look at him I love him (and i also really like how it turned out wth)

and IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ITTY BITTY TINY MAN. i would NOT hesitate to die for him in a situation where such methods are needed.

Now before you continue I warn you the following is basically me rambling about how much I fucking love undertale yellow heheheh (Also a lot of spoilers ahead).

I have spent the whole day playing this stupid (fantastic, amazing, marvelous) game, I kid you not that I went from the end of the ruins to the fucking steamworks, which said out loud doesn't sound like a lot of time but uhhh for me it was if you consider that I've investigated EVERY FUCKING INCH OF THE MAP.

I'm not complaining, oh ho ho (merry Xmas) I'm not complaining because its been the most fun I've had playing a game in a WHILE, its made my life better and now im gonna spend the rest of the year (and probably more) obsessed over all the characters and their stories (mostly Clover and Martlet ngl).

But I gotta admit that even if I find the Ut yellow's characters a lot different than the ones from the original game, I can't help but love them the same. Look, I'm no expert on character design but I smile every time I see Martlet comment something or simply being on screen, I start laughing whenever I see a hint of Mo on any frame, heck you mention any of the characters and I immediately start smiling like an idiot, and the whole scene with North Star? The Feisty Five?? CEROBA?? I died, the moment I stepped on the town I fucking died.

I remember being really, REALLY into undertale when I was like 10-11 years old, and suddenly opening yt one day and watching my favourite YouTuber play the demo of this fan game, and i remember thinking "oh wow that game looks really cool!" Simply because of the concept of watching how it was like for any of the other souls to go through the underground, instead of Frisk. AND NOW, YEARS LATER I GET TO PLAY IT BY MYSELF, you don't know how special this game is for me.

For me it isn't only a fan game, or the story of another fallen human, for me it's getting an opportunity to enjoy the main thing that inspired me back the from zero, getting to learn about new characters, about new stories, and new perspectives. For me it's also getting an opportunity to meet them all, to be their "friend" and to live an adventure all by myself because back then i could only sit and watch everyone else do all the things i wanted to do, because back then i could only look at them all having fun, laughing with the good things and crying with the bad memories while separated through a screen.

Today I got to meet them all and to laugh with the unexpected dialogue, while learning that even in a fictional story not everything is painted in bright pink, I saw them get into trouble and also helped them overcome it, and it was amazing.

I also got to die and die and die again and again because I realised at the beginning of the game that I'm really bad at it (i cant blame the controller, I know it :( ), but it also made me promise myself that i would keep going no matter what, because i really wanted to see what's next. Heck you could say I kept going because of my determination ;).

I haven't finished the game yet, but I already know I'm gonna replay it over and over, I wanna catch every detail, investigate and discover every mystery, and i wanna make so many theories already, I CAN'T WAIT TO LOVE THIS GAME.

So for now have a not-so-quick sketch of Clover, the bearer of the yellow soul, the one who has quickly made way into my heart, and it seems the little shit is now living there rent free.

If you've read all the way to the end wth is wrong with you, and also thanks a lot for the attention, I was really excited to talk about this game to someone but didn't know how to do it, so I figured tumblr was the place pla to write for an hour, so the short-drawing post is now my review of the game hehehehe.

Anyway thanks for reading to the very end, I hope you have an amazing rest of the year, and most importantly a great begining of the new one <3.