#by the family so he's not fully at fault either and recognizes it but also can't accept it fully either. It's just hard for him in general.

[dementedspeedster]

She's tugging on his shirt, next - a thinly pressed frown etched onto her flawless and well cared for complexion. It's clear she has some thoughts. Thoughts of how they look different enough, feel different enough to have garnered the sympathy of the elder.

"I don't understand why you don't extend the same... sympathy. To the other's like us. The way you do with me." She admits, quiet. Theo's brows only furrowed, and she tried to find the words to ask, to inquire.

"Am I really that far removed from you and your experience? Why would that mean that any of us deserved what happened?"

@voloartius

Thad's still reeling himself in. Each inhale and exhale still audible as he tried to calm himself. Anger is difficult for him to let go of. Most of his life was dictated by that one emotion.

But with the tug at his sleeve and hearing Theo's voice speak up he finds calm because his anger is not directed toward her. He doubts it ever will be like it is with some other versions of himself.

He swallows at her question. He knew better than anything that he was not a friend to himself. That Theo was right that he saw her as different in ways, "Your life is very different from mine and I don't know what is going through your head. Not always at least." He understood what she thought about her purpose, he understood the hatred, but there were great chasms of difference between them as well. He could have never faked loving Bart like a brother like Theo had done with Bea. He couldn't wrap his mind around ever loving Bart like a brother let alone merely accepting anything positive about him.

"I don't always understand you or your thoughts. I can't assume or work with similarities like I can with other versions of myself that reflect a life much more similar to mine....If you're asking why I'm kind to you then I don't know. I just am. Maybe I think you're different. Maybe I can't judge you like I can those others. I don't know." There was a lot he simply just didn't know.

Thad crosses his arms over his chest somewhat as if to steady himself, to convey some confidence, but another part of it was to protect himself too, "I only said that because I think I did or do?–– deserve it. For everything I did. For how blind an stupid I was. He reminds me so much of my stupid younger self. He's so goddamn blind and he still believes those lies that I want to shake him. I want to shake sense into him." His teeth clench beneath his lips as he just thinks on his youth and it pisses him the hell off. He had been so stupid. So god damn stupid. None of it had been worth it. Not for the sake of the Thawnes or the feud, or even himself. He was left as raw as he had been before he killed Bart and it took spiraling downward and his own death for him to find any clarity or even a twinge of regret.

"I think I deserved it, but I learned with that pain too. I know I hated what happened to me and that I yell and rail against it, and I know I'm being contradictory, but a part of me feels it was deserved or necessary too." He lets out a dry laugh and shakes his head, "I don't know. I just don't know. It's hard to explain and I don't have any easy answers to give. I just feel the way that I do."

[autumnmobile12]

All right, this scene is a contentious one to say the least.

I want to look at the elements that make up this part, starting from the very beginning.

After waking up in Gresit, Alucard had one goal:  Kill Dracula.  Throughout Season 2, he’s determined, he has points of dry, sarcastic humor, but as a whole, his personality is pretty grim.  He is absolutely unwavering in his determination.

Once Dracula was dead, though, he now has to live with the guilt of not only killing the father who loved and raised him but also the guilt over being unable to save his mother when she needed him.  When Lisa was taken, Alucard was traveling, and though he never explicitly says this, I would bet anything that ever since that night he has asked himself, “Why wasn’t I there?  What could I have done differently?  If I had done _______, she would be here right now and none of this would have ever happened.”  Alucard is a rational character.  He understands that what happened to Lisa was a cruel accident of fate.  She was accused of witchcraft, and he and his father were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.  They couldn’t have predicted her death, they couldn’t have changed it.

But this is how the Bargaining Stage of Grief plays out.  This is what sets him apart from Trevor and Sypha by the end of Season 2.  Between the three of them, Sypha still has her family waiting for her.  She still has her people and the optimism to still see the brighter future.  (Which is a trait she never fully loses.)  As for Trevor, he had already lost everyone he’d ever loved, and so he definitely already went through all the messy stages of grief to the point of sad acceptance that his family is dead and now he has to live with that.

Alucard can’t identify with that kind of acceptance yet, for either of his parents. The grief is too raw, and so I believe his decision to remain behind while his companions left without him was a form of self-punishment.  In spite of the understanding it wasn’t his fault, he doesn’t believe he deserves to be happy after everything that happened.  Sure, he says he needs to protect the accumulation of his father’s knowledge, and while that might have been true, I feel like he had other options.  The show demonstrates that magic is capable of the impossible, so I feel like there should have been some kind of spell that could be engineered to keep his father’s/the Hold’s collection from being destroyed or looted.  If he asked Sypha and Trevor to stay and help him, I think they would have.  Instead, he watches them leave without asking them to visit or even expecting to see them ever again.  And we leave him finally breaking down over his losses.

All this to say he was not in a good headspace when Sumi and Taka showed up, which they picked up on and exploited to their advantage.  (The guy was talking to dolls he’d made to resemble his friends, and he was mimicking their voices in pseudo-conversation.  Funny conversations, yes, but damn, that coping mechanism…)

The first thing Alucard tells them is he ‘will not be hunted,’ but there is a disturbing irony here.

Attacking them indicates that his guard was up and he was ready to end lives if he had to.  Self-preservation is on point.  It’s Sumi and Taka who de-escalate the situation.  “We mean you no harm.  We came to ask you for help.”  They’re smiling and laughing by the end of this initial encounter.  They tell him their story.  “We’re these poor, innocent waifs from a distant land searching for a way to save our people.  Pity us.”  They present themselves as non-threatening, wide-eyed victims who only need help, which is a ruse he unfortunately falls for.

“It’s time for your reward.”

It makes my skin crawl how despicable that one line of manipulation is.  This is the chink in Alucard’s armor:  the idea of guilt that persists after the mother he couldn’t save and the father he killed, especially the latter.  Understandably, although Alucard recognizes what he did was necessary, the fact he’s committed patricide is weighing on him.  There was Sypha’s words of comfort at the end of Season 2 that was it was ‘okay to love the man,’ but neither she or Trevor are around.  This leaves the opening for the toxic, false comfort of Sumi and Taka’s manipulation.  Here they are introducing the conflicting idea that what he did is worthy of praise.

Couple that with the factor that at this point, he’s only known them for a few days at most.  Obviously, that’s nowhere near long enough to establish an emotional connection that’s strong enough to say,  “Yes, I want to be with this person.”  But his silence is not consent; in fact, I see this as fear that if he does not go through with this like they want, it will make them leave him like Sypha and Trevor did.  Again, they are playing on that fatal loneliness.  Coercion.

Soft words, soft voices, and that is he what he needed to hear.

And Sumi and Taka knew exactly what to say.

Back in their flashback about Cho, Sumi and Taka talk how they ‘studied’ her, studied the way she fought, and learned about her weaknesses for years.  This is the subtlest bit of foreshadowing I’ve found so far in the series.  It shows that Sumi and Taka don’t hunt vampires the way Trevor does.  They’re formidable fighters, yes, but they were not born and raised to hunt like the Belmonts were.  They don’t have that specific training or discipline, so they make up for it with deceit.  They ingratiate themselves with their prey, observing them and looking for the weak point.

Alucard said he would not be hunted.

But he was.

The entire time they were there, Sumi and Taka were studying him the way they studied Cho.  They saw Alucard’s loneliness and they took full advantage of the trust he gave them.  He invited them into his home, fed, and looked after them, he saw himself as their friend while the whole time they were looking for a way to kill him.  They were continuously asking about weapons, magic, off-limits rooms in the Castle, when the Castle could be fixed, etc.  They were trying to zero in on the ‘kill room’ where he would be at his most vulnerable.

It’s hard to say how much of Sumi and Taka’s story was true given the outcome, but I’m inclined to believe it was but with one caveat.  I don’t think they helped their fellow prisoners escape.  I think they were the only survivors.  There’s no evidence of this other than the fact I think it’s suspicious that they left their friends behind to seek help.  Okay…Japan is a long way from Wallachia.  They couldn’t find anyone closer?  They didn’t try to smuggle more people away?  They don’t even mention their people in their angry ranting before they try to kill Alucard.

There’s also the brief line where they say they were given to Cho’s court as children.  It’s not clear whether or not their parents were forced to give them up as tribute to Cho, but that’s irrelevant if they themselves felt betrayed and abandoned by the people who should have loved and protected them.  There is the later line where they say everyone lies to them.  With that, I think they were so far in the fog of grief and anger that in their minds, they were unable to recognize Alucard could have been a genuine ally to them, and they only saw him as just another vampire who was evil and needed to be killed.

The beauty and the tragedy of both Alucard and Lisa’s characters is that they are both so incredibly kind and selfless, and they want to believe in people.  Even when the Bishop’s henchmen came to her home, Lisa didn’t immediately jump to the conclusion of witchcraft and fear.  She asked if the Archbishop was ill and if they needed her help.  When they started tearing apart her home, she told them whatever they wanted she would give it to them.  She didn’t try to run.  She tried to explain calmly about her medical practice and that what she did helped people.  Her undoing was a man who meant her harm.

Lisa’s arrest is mirrored in the moments before Alucard kills Sumi and Taka.  Even though he realizes what’s happened and the situation he’s in, realizing they aren’t with him out of love and this was all a manipulation, a trap, and even rape——even though he realized all that, he still wanted to help them.

Right before they die, he is begging them to listen, that is their friend, and he can help them. The world is not against them.  These aren’t the words of a man trying to save himself.  He is living admirably up to the virtues he learned from his mother.  He waited until the last possible moment before choosing to save his own life over theirs. And his last line to them is, “I never lied to you.”

There’s no condoning what Sumi and Taka did to Alucard, that is an undeniably fucked up thing to do to a person and the plot accounted for it by killing off their characters.  However, I do feel these two are a testament to how anger and hatred will destroy a person and are a kind of foil to characters like Isaac. Isaac was horribly abused in his past and he had every reason to resent humanity, and yet by the end of his arc, he was beginning to let go of his anger and start a new life where he could be happy.  This is the lesson Isaac learns by the end of Season 3 whereas we leave Alucard again weeping alone with the memory of people he couldn’t save:  his mother and father and the two people he thought were his friends.  Again, he is grieving.  “I was a good friend to them, wasn’t I?  I helped them, didn’t I?  What did I do wrong?’

The answers are yes, yes, and no, he did nothing wrong.  Grieving is coming to terms with that.

And finally, we have the gruesome way in which he ‘displays’ their bodies outside the Castle as a means to warn off other travelers or intruders.  Impalement was a very degrading means of execution.  It was excruciatingly slow, extremely painful, and those who faced this sentence would suffer for hours if not days in public.  You see the rage and humiliation he feels, and so by impaling the corpses, he in turn inflicted that humiliation on Sumi and Taka.  It’s probably as close to the ‘eye for an eye’ mentality as he gets.

A recurring theme throughout the series is innocence against the brutality of a cruel world.  Characters like Sypha, Alucard, and Lisa can give all the kindness they have to offer, but they can’t change the fact that people like the Judge and Bishop exist.  Characters like Trevor and Isaac lost their faith in humanity and found it again with the help of people like Sypha and the Ship Captain.  And characters like Dracula, Carmilla, and even Sumi and Taka, lost their way entirely and were swallowed up by their rage and pain.

[ratgingi]

lets GOOOOO juniper's lad squad / band members finally have refs

some of you may recognize the second and third ones, thats bc theyre old fav ocs of mine that i bestowed the highest honor (made into dt chars) these guys and juniper tend to get in a lot of trouble together and also the four of them may or may not be active spreaders of vampire rumors ive decided. tormenting those old men

in order from left to right:

kipper | nonbinary, he/they + aroace - bubbly sunshine guy who was adopted by a bunch of edgelords - he loves fashion and gardening (can you guess his fav thing to grow lmao) - theyre actually the protector of the group, as hes the most confident and courageous in the face of danger. also keeps rocks + bandaids in that bag hes holding so he can play healing or defense depending on the situation - he and ashton are qpps - originally had a normal rotary phone for a head, but they got a cute little strawberry flipphone and then had their head modeled after it bc he loved it so much (the white dots are rhinestones !) - technically lives with his parents still, but they travel a lot for work and are rarely ever in town so he basically lives in a house on his own that they pay for - plays an electronic keyboard

ashton | agender, he/it + ace and demiro - antisocial and mean and cranky - hes selectively mute and if he does speak its usually to inform someone hes leaving on account of them being boring or annoying - its pretty athletic and can do a few different tricks like backflips and stuff - he has a major interest in bugs, especially arachnids, and actually keeps live spiders and scorpions in his head. which is unfortunate considering the Massive Hole. he has a favorite scorpion and her name is glass - it's junipers next door neighbor in the apartments, its parents kicked it out around the same time juniper was showing up in town and a friend of the family it was on good terms with helped it back on its feet - hes not very expressive physically or emotionally unless hes angry - has a huge blindspot on the half of his face with the hole and if you come at him from that side and get hit bc you spooked him he considers it your fault - plays the drums

almagest | trans, he/him + gay - goes by alma for short - stereotypical gamer boy who lounges around a lot and eats almost exclusively junkfood - despite having a keyboard for a head he does not like it when hes called a catboy. he prefers to be called a ratboy as rats are his favorite animal he just wanted the rainbow gaming keyboard for gamer gender swag - he has pretty poor eyesight and bumps into things a lot, and is partially why kipper always has bandaids on hand - technically lives in an apartment with his dad, who kinda sucks, so he spends a majority of his life either with the friend group or crashing at the place of his old babysitter Amora (he stays there so much he has his own room at her place) - technically knows how to make games himself and has made small demos of things for fun, but struggles to keep motivation up too much to fully develop anything - plays guitar (juniper is usually lead, hes usually rhythm)

[linkemon]

Sibling headcanons 1

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here.

Naganohara Yoimiya

✧ Being Yoimiya's little sibling means being open to the world and people. Your older sister has always encouraged you to meet the kids in the neighbourhood. It is also related to the fact that she also divided her attention on them and not focused it only on you. You're jealous of it, and she can't always see it right away. But when she does find out, she always apologizes.

✧ You make fireworks together. You're pretty good at it now but when you were little she took you with her to the workshop and you almost set her hair on fire. She loves telling this story to others. You must have heard it dozens of times, and each time you kick her in the ankle so that she stops embarrassing you in front of new people you meet.

✧ Together you help each other with grandpa. You love him but it can be tiring. Especially since many things have to be explained to him slowly and very loudly.

✧ Neither of you can cook. You prefer to eat something quick in the city. You are always busy, everywhere and everyone knows you.

Xingqiu

✧ If there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that Xingqiu will get you into reading books. He'll push you on novels and either you become a reader or you die.

✧ As the third child in the family you lead a pretty comfortable life. One could even say worthy of a royalty. Especially since you're not much into your father's merchant guild business. Immersing yourself in the fantastic adventures of fictional characters, you feel that you are alive.

✧ In the past, your brother pretended to be adventurers and pirates. You used to play the princesses he had to save. Mostly because you agreed to play as long as you sat in one place and could read.

✧ You help him proofread "Legend of the Sword" for which he is extremely grateful. He promised to bring you an autograph from Inazuma, Calx, his illustrator, of whom you are a big fan.

Keqing

✧ As Keqing's older sibling, you don't have it easy. Actually, your relationship is a long, winding and bumpy road. And it doesn't look like it's going to fully recover.

✧ Your sister is always busy. And yet she is never satisfied with her achievements. Even though you tell her to rest, she doesn't change her mind. Therefore, it would be difficult for you to spend more time together.

✧ You mainly see each other at work, which is also a source of disagreement between you. You've always felt inferior. Keqing holds a high position and your family has always compared her to you. She tried to straighten it out a couple of times but it didn't work. You understand it's not her fault but it doesn't help to look at her any more favorably.

✧ The last time you saw each other was shopping during the Lantern Right festival. The fact that she found time for you then was strange to say the least. Apparently, a friend made her realize that she should take a break. You didn't comment that she listened to a stranger and she never listened to your advice. Together you chose a beautiful dress for her. You've been seeing each other a lot more since then but that doesn't mean the problems have gone away.

Sayu

✧ Technically, you're not Sayu's biological sibling. But that doesn't mean you don't act like you are. All members of the Shuumatsuban recognize this as true.

✧ You literally take some errands for her so she can get some sleep. She loves you for it. If she gets a pillow or a blanket as a gift, you can be sure that she will lazily hug you to thank you.

✧ You are one of the few people who are allowed to pat her on the head. Just not too often, after all, she wants to grow taller, and everyone knows that slows down growing up.

✧ You took her measure on a forest tree once. Every now and then she stands there and you mark her height again.

✧ Despite her laziness, you can be sure that in important situations she will not fail. Her master is gone but she still has you. She's not going to lose her older sibling. There's no way she's letting anything happen to you. The little ninja will immediately go to save you and always succeed.

[countessklair]

i disagree with most of the fandom's takeaway from the episode. i want to preface this all by saying that i don't hate Nate and i think he's a very complex character with traumas and issues of his own that led to his whole new thing of 'evil' or whatever that Rupert's pushing him into further now, but still.

Nate knew what he was doing by destroying the sign. that's why he did it in the first place. he was angry and hurt and he wanted to cut the team and Ted, especially, very deep. so he destroyed the sign and left for 'the enemy' who'd offered him a job. he's been shit-talking them and their beloved coach Ted in the press all preseason and ostensibly all season so far.

and yes, the goldfish mentality and the 'let it flow' from episode one are very good for the team, and they've managed to ignore Nate shit talking post episode one, but they have every right to be furious with Nate. he essentially spat of the uniting element that makes them all better teammates, better players, better people. they used to be pretty not great people, bullying Nate being the biggest but only one of the examples therein, but the team's all changed their behavior and they learned and became better people. they respected Nate as a coach and as a fellow Greyhound and they supported and even loved him. and Nate betrayed them.

just the move to west ham i think they would have been supportive of. they wouldn't have held it against him for wanting a head coaching position. but the move, plus the shit talking, PLUS the ripping of the believe sign?? that's the betrayal. it's layered, and of course it cuts deep when the sign represents so much more than the word emblazoned on it. the sign has become a representation of Richmond itself. and they were already looking for answers, they would've figured out who ripped it eventually. i definitely think that they shouldn't have told the team at half-time, and i agree on the thing coach beard said about them overcorrecting and playing with hate, but still. i think the team has every right to be angry.

sometimes people forget that you have to FEEL your emotions in order to process them. and that more importantly it's ok and even GOOD to feel those emotions, and that feeling anger or hatred aren't necessarily 'evil' emotions. if someone hurts you and stamps and spits on your values and your beliefs, if someone you thought of as family betrayed you, that's not something you can just be a goldfish about or let it flow through you and pass you by. it's a deep cutting wound, and that's why Nate, in his fit of fury at the promotion, ripped the sign in the first place anyway. because he knew how deeply it would hurt them not only to have the sign defaced, but for it to be HIM doing it. the team is gonna have to process this and hopefully now that they have the initial fury all out they'll be able to deal with it in a healthy Ted Lasso show way we all love. also, ever since the introduction of Zava to the team, there's been a severe disconnect between the team and the Ted Lasso way: remember that scene in the locker room with Zava physically stepping in front of Ted every time he moved to try and look at the team?

i fully believe that Nate will get a redemption arc, and i fully believe he deserves one. but i don't think Nate fans remember sometimes that it's never a friend's job to always be stroking someone's ego and to be the personal caretaker of their mental health and social equilibrium, especially when that friend themselves have big, BIG issues going on in their personal life. Ted was never responsible for Nate's happiness and ego and he shouldn't be treated like he is. he recognized talent and he rewarded that talent accordingly and gave Nate a platform to grow on. Nate's paternal trauma didn't allow him to reach out and communicate with Ted about feeling left behind, and that sucks and it's not Nate's fault that he has those issues to contend with, but it's not the team or Roy's or Ted's fault either.

fact of the matter is, no one is the villain but Rupert. Nate made some hurtful choices that the people he hurt have every right to be upset over, and the biggest one - outing Ted's very private mental health issues (imo mental health issues being way way worse to out than physical health issues) isn't something anyone on the team but Ted and Beard and Trent are aware of. there will be a redemption arc, and i believe there will be forgiveness, but i don't know if Nate will ever come back to Richmond. I think maybe a fresh new start outside of both Richmond AND West Ham would be best for him, because he needs to get out from under Rupert, but i think there's just too much history at Richmond, even without factoring in Ted.

tl;dr: nate will get the redemption arc he needs and deserves but that doesn't free him of having to face the fact that he hurt people deliberately, that he needs to apologize. there has to be consequences for his actions. next episode i need there to be a 'come to jesus' moment for the whole team to process this hurt together and to get back on track with the Ted Lasso way.

also: the richmond team are all my angels and i love them dearly and i'm SO GLAD this episode had very little to do with Zava.

[nener0b0]

Nene Kusanagi Character Analysis (kinda)

first, disclaimers!

1. i know i kinda died on here for a couple months. i'm sorry about that. schools been busy this year

2. i've lost a lot of interest in yttd :(. i've gained a lot of interest in prsk

okay analysis time

—

A lot of people in the Project Sekai fandom believe that Nene's backstory is cliche. I agree that an actress with stage fright that worsened after an unlucky incident on stage is a pretty typical story. Despite her cliche background, as someone who struggles a lot with social anxiety, Nene's character development means so much to me.

In the beginning of the WxS main story, she spends nearly all her time alone. This includes spending her lunch break alone in the classroom, spending her free time at home playing video games for hours on end, and even going out of her way so she wouldn't interact with people. Simply being around unfamiliar people would be enough to make her freeze up and even start shaking. Rui even went out of his way to make a robot prototype of her that she could use in order to perform on stage again, without even needing to be on the stage herself. Although Nene-Robo was designed for stage use, Nene also uses it in order to interact with the other members of the troupe since the thought of facing new people made her so nervous. Even in her 1*'s story, when she recognizes Emu in her school's hallway, she runs off so she doesn't have to interact with her. Her social anxiety isn't something that suddenly started one day either. In Revival My Dream, an elementary school aged Nene is shown to be super nervous around Rui when she first moved next door to him. She wasn't shown to fully warm up to him until after the two went together with their families to see The Little Mermaid. The point I'm getting at is that it's clear that Nene has struggled with social anxiety from a young age.

Nene's social anxiety continues to take over her mindset through the middle of the main story. The only difference is that she begins to be faced with more guilt regarding the negative consequences her social anxiety brings. She performs with WxS for the first time using Nene-Robo, but messes up the show by forgetting to charge Nene-Robo the night prior. This is Nene's second time ruining a performance, so she must've felt incredibly guilty when it happened. She was even seen beginning to cry backstage when she realized what was happening. After Tsukasa confronted her after the show (keep in mind that this was Emu and Tsukasa's first encounter with Nene, rather than Nene-Robo), she ran off crying from just how guilty she felt. This works as a crucial turning point in her mindset: Instead of accepting that her social anxiety will limit her from following her dreams, she would soon begin to manage her anxiety a little better.

Toward the end of the main story, a determined Emu and Tsukasa encounter Nene, where Tsukasa and Nene both take fault in WxS's supposed disbanding. The two make up as nene realizes her dream, despite her anxiety: She wants to perform on stage again. Thanks to Tsukasa giving Nene a second chance, this would mark the beginning of her not letting her social anxiety stop her from doing what she loves. She's able to perform on stage again for the first time since junior high in Wonderland Sekai with Tsukasa, Emu, KAITO, and Miku. This marks a powerful milestone in Nene's journey of managing her anxiety issues.

Since that day, Nene has worked hard to confront her social anxiety and not allow it to interfere with what she loves doing. At first, she still needed Nene-Robo around in order to feel more comfortable on stage, and she was also shown to talk really shyly around Emu and Tsukasa for a while. Eventually, though, she was able to comfortably perform on stage again the same way she used to be able to before junior high, and she was comfortable enough around Emu and Tsukasa to be herself around them. Along the way, she's even been able to make several of her own friends outside of WxS (for instance, Kohane, Ichika, Minori, and Toya).

Although she has shown major improvements in socializing, Nene's social anxiety issues have never fully left her, and that's something I really like about her character arc. For example, in the event Musical Twilight Parade, Ichika hears Nene singing one day at a park and tries asking her for advice, only for Nene to panic and run off. When they meet again at Phoenix Wonderland, Nene hides behind Tsukasa when she tries to talk to her again. Later in the day, Nene and Ichika are finally able to talk and they become friends, and Nene even agrees to give Ichika voice lessons. Then, Emu, Tsukasa, Rui, and Rin encourage Nene to exchange contact information with Ichika, which she successfully does on her own after all the encouragement. This really shows that anxiety issues can become more manageable, but they rarely completely disappear. Nene is such a realistic representation of social anxiety disorders, and I think she should be more recognized for that.

[thenightshiftcomic]

if you were to pair up lmk characters and the Nightshift who would you pair with who?

Disclaimer that these are character perceptions and not like, the reality of their situations. Also I need to re-watch LMK because my memory is a little rusty lol.

Ash & MK, two guys that are supposed to protect their families and keep making shit worse <3

Talia & Red Son, they have the same chaos vibes to me. Plus I think Red Son would love to help Talia screw around with making knives for some reason. Just, vibes?? Either way, they're gonna go burn down a village <3 /hj

Leo & Sandy, tanks with a heart of gold. Come on, you had to see that coming. But, I think it'd be good because I think Sandy would help try to walk Leo through his guilt a bit

Keef & Wukong. You know how much guilt these two have over little mistakes? Avoiding mentioning things until the last second because how do they mention it?? It's just going to be so many negative emotions and then by the time they're forced to confront it, it's too late. Delicious.

Ink & Mei, just because chaos gremlins that adopt their enemies. They will prank everyone. Talia & Red Son specifically.

Kody & Wukong, but for different reasons. Whenever someone gets close they both run like hell and distance themselves again (even if it's too late, and people have gotten attached/they've gotten attached to people already).

On some less "similarity" notes and things I think would just be interesting:

Ash & Pigsy: The adopters. Ash takes the full responsibility for everything his group does and for protecting them in any way possible, Pigsy protects his kids but I could also see him recognizing that he can't protect them from everything. A nice cooking session with a talk over the differences in how they approach their teams running into danger would be interesting, I think.

Talia & Red Son: Okay okay okay, it's the same duo but for less gremlin-y reasons this time. They both had shitty parents, and I see Talia simply not understanding how Red Son is still willing to connect with them. I think she'd be incredibly confused and it could be an interesting discussion in Red Son's approach with his parents vs hers. (That is to say, Red Son's parents making a genuine effort to get better and growing a bond, where Talia's were only interested in getting worse and forced Talia away in such a way they can never recover from.)

Keef & Lady Bone Demon: I'm not sure if you'd count villains under this ask, but okay. So, Keef grew up in an environment where perfection was expected, and she always fell just short. She prefers the chaos of the world and the freedom of creativity, but also understands the appeal of constantly looking put-together and perfect, especially to other people. She still puts pressure on herself to do that, after all, even if she won't admit it. Furthering that, she's one of the few in the Nightshift who doesn't see her life as better after the inciting incident that led to her eventually joining. Maybe the same, but not better. She fully understands the appeal of a perfect world where she wouldn't have had the opportunity to make such a mistake that led her down this road, and feels the pressure to conform to something closer to LBD's version of the world, and I think that would make for a very interesting conversation.

Leo & Wukong: Two very different approaches to the same issue. Leo is worried he can't protect the people he loves, and believes (if unconsciously, to some degree) that he's at fault for his siblings' deaths. He's determined to not let the same fate befall his new family, and so becomes incredibly protective and even overbearing. On the flip side of this, Wukong took to distancing himself so he wouldn't hurt people any more than he has (and before they can leave him first). I think the drastic differences in approaches would be really interesting to pick out, especially since I think Wukong would see a degree of himself in Leo - the determination to protect the people he loves no matter what, but before Wukong lost vision of his previous goal for more power. Maybe he'd try to serve as a kind of warning tale to Leo, before Leo has the chance to make the same mistakes.

Ink & MK: Ink and MK would be really interesting to me to flip sides of a kinda screwed up coin. Someone who trusts and connects with everyone blindly (MK) and someone who picks and chooses who to trust carefully, because everyone's out to get you if push comes to shove hard to enough (Ink). They both love their family deeply, but Ink is more subtle about it so it won't be used/taken advantage of while MK is proudly loving of everyone he cares about. MK is crushed with guilt in how he thinks he hurts the people around him and, to some degree, fails to help people, while Ink genuinely has done irreparable damage to others and failed to save lives it was put in charge of, and learned to live with that reality. I think it'd be interesting because I think Ink would see MK, how MK keeps getting tricked and taken advantage of, how MK thinks he hurts the people he loves and fails to save those he tries to help, and the only way Ink would know how to help is through its own worldview: trust nobody, make connections but stay on your toes, yes you've hurt people and yes you've failed but the reality of life is you can't avoid that to some degree and here's some ways I learned to live with myself. Maybe they'll help you too. I think it would be interesting because Ink also doesn't see another side to this: that MK has never tried to actively hurt someone, that everything he blames himself for isn't necessarily his fault, and that MK's ability to see the good in people has genuinely helped them - not just in the sense of having connections, but believing in others (Macaque) in a way that Ink's more pessimistic worldview does not allow.

Kody & Macaque: I think this would be fun for their similarities leading to severe whiplash between them. Kody's been betrayed, used, tricked and manipulated more times than he can count, and they both follow a very similar "Look out for number one. Because if you don't, no one will." mentality, and while Macaque's "Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him" mentality might be more individual-specific, it's still something Kody can easily apply to everyone that's taken him in then discarded him once his use was up. They handle their respective betrayals extremely differently, with Kody content to just avoid the hell out of anyone that hurt them and Macaque hunting down Wukong and even using his student for revenge (which, would definitely piss Kody off, by the way), but at their roots they can see a lot of themselves in each other, down to Kody's more tricky nature even if he doesn't see it. I definitely don't think a conversation with them would go well, per say, because Kody would not hesitate to question why the hell Macaque went back to fighting for/with Wukong when he could easily be using him again (Kody pushes the world away so they don't get hurt again, and Macaque is willing to run right back to Wukong's side when he's called?), and would get extremely pissed off that Macaque took advantage of MK that way (in a very similar way they were in the past), but I think the similarities in root that bleed out into extremely different responses would be kind of interesting. I rewrote this last one like three times though, I'm not sure, it's harder to draw a connection with Kody than it is the others.

Honorable mention goes to:

Keef & Mei - Pressure to conform to what they should be while ignoring who they are.

Sorry for the ramble, I wasn't intending it to get this long lol! Anyway, there's your gremlin stuff and then you're deep-rooted trauma angsty stuff XD

[venussaidso]

Okay looking at this specific still cut, makes me almost certain that although she doesn't remember anything, she may still have some tricks up her sleeve.

Theory

She's using Jang Wook after he helped her escape Jinyowon. This would be the scene they first meet.

She's startled by him but then she sees the opportunity to use this man to get her out of her confinement in Jinyowon because he's the first visitor from outside that she's seen. (He doesn't yet recognize her as Naksu. He's clearly still holding her sword but maybe it doesn't recognize it's owner because her energy gate is closed). She tucks Jang Wook by his sleeve and starts, charmingly, asking for his help to get her out.

And Jang Wook feels called to help her? So after he's helped her, still not knowing that she's Naksu, he tries to go back to his business. But she doesn't know where to go (because of memory loss). So she makes this puppy look and I'm thinking of how she used to manipulate the Crown Prince, it may be a similar tactic she'll use on Jang Wook. Because I think, deep down, the real her is still there — and Naksu isn't the type to beg. She'd use her charm and vulnerability on men to get to somewhere. As someone who doesn't remember anything, and may still have remnants of her true self, where else could she be protected? She feels safe around Jang Wook. All she has to do is make this face (and he'll burn the world for her ijs!!!).

Can't see his reactions but my boy is certainly gonna be feelings tingz and, maybe while 'a little' annoyed, he'll take her under his wing 😭

And this is her literally in the Jang household! So, she'll just take on being his maid until she remembers who she is (Naksu), in parallel to who she was as Mudeok as his maid until she'd returned as Naksu. Maybe. Just maybe.

For a while he will not know that the woman he has been longing for has been RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM THIS ENTIRE TIME (I hope this lasts for less than five episodes, though. Cause imma still need more episodes seeing Naksu with her sword back, kicking ass beside Jang Wook AND killing Jin mu. Obviously, learning more about her because I'm curious why the Jin family let her live. Not only because they may think that she's fully at fault for killing Choyeon's dad, but also how mad they would be to find out that this infamous assassin is the reason they lost Buyeon.)

But yeah this is how I think the first few episodes will go. Alternatively, they could give Naksu a completely NEW DIFFERENT personality and I'm not so sure how that's gonna work because Jang Wook liked her for her personality lmao. Maybe she looks soft and innocent but lowkey isn't, and Jang Wook sees it.

(EDIT!!;;)

Also these gifs below look connected to the scenes of the second pic/third pic above — around the time she meets Jang Wook.

This first gif, it looks like Naksu is either scheming/plotting something or she's seeing something that will help her. This is the only source of material we've gotten of her where she doesn't look so innocent and more like her observent self. So there may be some remnants of her old self.

She looks to be observing something and also plotting something here. Look at her eyes scoping in on something... is it Jang Wook? She doesn't look innocent here. They better not rid her of her cold, badass streak — even if we'll get it in smaller doses this time 💀

(tbh i kinda trust the hong sisters in giving a dynamic to this new version of naksu that is still badass or at least somewhat interesting than just making her unreasonably innocent and soft).

[scripted-downfall]

It's Selfish Sam anon, I hope you're well? Sorry I went missing, I took an sm break. I was thinking about how D&S differ regarding responsibility. In s9 Dean took responsibility for Kevin's death because he (rightly or wrongly) felt his actions caused it and was devastated. In s10 Sam didn't appear to take responsibility for Charlie's death and didn't seem to feel bad about it, although that may be partly due to JPs acting. D&S appear to be polar opposites in this, it's always stood out to me?

Welcome back! I am indeed well --- busy, but well --- and thank you so much for asking! I hope the same is true of you :)

I definitely agree, as regards Dean and Sam's respective treatments of responsibility; Dean tends to take responsibility (often leaning towards too much responsibility), and Sam... Well, I'll admit that he's a bit complicated. It'd be really easy for me to say he never takes responsibility, but I do have to recognize that said statement wouldn't be fully accurate. He takes responsibility... but he takes responsibility badly. He either a) takes responsibility when he shouldn't, and then makes it everyone else's problem (e.g. him feeling guilt over Kevin and thus pushing all responsibility onto Dean), b) takes responsibility but learns the wrong lesson (e.g. when he consciously chooses a bad path --- as with the demon blood --- but acts like he'd had no choice in the matter and, thus, there must be something innately wrong with him), c) takes responsibility but learns no lesson (e.g. with Charlie), or d) takes no responsibility whatsoever (e.g. Purgatory).

Sam definitely has a different reaction to Charlie's death than Dean, and, while I do think some of it was probably Padalecki's acting, some of it was definitely in the script; he's supposed to feel bad... he's just also supposed to not do anything about that guilt. I do think he recognizes that responsibility for Charlie dying falls at his feet. But he also doesn't adjust his own behavior (despite Dean outright saying he should) to stop trying to remove the Mark of Cain.

The difference between the two brothers makes sense, given canon --- Dean has always taken responsibility for things more consistently/rapidly/extensively than anyone else in his family, and this largely stems from a childhood of raising/protecting/covering for Sam... whereas, on the literal flip side, Sam/John usually put that responsibility (knowingly or not) onto Dean --- but it's definitely part of why I don't like Sam. It's not fully his fault --- again, largely a product of how they were raised --- but it drives me off of his character. (And Padalecki's acting sure doesn't help.)

Thank you so much for the ask! Hope you're well :)

[1800duckhotline]

OC questions! Kuobakhaya for 34, 39,30 and B!

Uncommon OC questions

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

Very difficult. Kuobakhaya has a very hard time not feeling guilty about a lot of things, even stupid ones, both when she does need to feel guilty and when she doesn't. Being a recovering drug addict brings with herself a huge baggage of things and a lot of guilt regarding several different things, be it not being a good friend, not being a good enough girlfriend, not being pretty enough/in shape enough (body dysmorphia as a result of her eating disorder), not being funny enough, people not liking her enough in general, not being good enough at recovering, not being grateful enough to Tisha (even though he really doesn't ask for anything besides her trying to be ok!) and so forth.

She makes an effort not to let it shake her up too much but there are days the guilt will eat at her for hours. It is definitely going to be a long time before she will fully be able to handle it, but as it is now, it is very hard for her to do that.

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

Honestly... ridiculously easy... For an example, personal history aside, the reason she was able to befriend Tisha the way she did when they were children was that Kuobakhaya very very easily will overlook people's faults and flaws, even when it is not beneficial to her or when she knows that they will end up causing her problems one way or another. This hasn't been the case with Tisha specifically, but with many other people she has met it was.

While she doesn't cut slack for her family, who she misses but doesn't regret leaving behind (I have to decide still if I want her to have a brother or two) when she moved to the UK she ended up befriending a lot of untrustworthy folk who took advantage of the fact that she was desperate to fit in and wanted to become as "cool" as possible as the other youngsters were. (She moved with Tisha to the UK when they were approximately barely 18, so they both had no clue what they were doing, just enough budget to rent a dingy apartment and Lots Of Dreams) So, in England Kuobakhaya unfortunately has ignored many people's many many grave flaws due to her being very desperate for some kind of approval, and her drug addiction (heroin) certainly did not help her feel any better even if she felt it did at the time. This unstable period of her life was rendered further chaotic by her awful three ex-boyfriends which in different ways made her life A Good Amount Hell, which I won't get into right now but you have to believe me that dumping each of them individually required Bakhya to build up a lot of courage and she gradually ended up raising her standards little by little.

Even back in their hometown, Bakhya ended up frequenting shady folks - one of the reasons she decided to leave her family behind was exactly because they'd found out about her drug addiction, which at the time was cocaine. Both her and Tisha unfortunately developed addictions when they were both pretty young (the living conditions weren't optimal for either and she used as an excuse the fact she was mourning for the loss of her family pet, which at the time she considered to be her only real friend). This partly also explains why she has a difficult relationship when it comes to her self worth and why she often let others walk over her hoping they would "approve" of her in some way or another. Obviously there is other factors at hand as well.

For reference at the age of 28 (when I usually draw her) to 30 she is actually getting help for her heroin addiction and annexed mental ailments that come from them (principally eating disorders) so she is on her way to recovery, though it is Not easy obviously. But even in a more stable state of mind Bakhya tends to blame herself before she recognizes others' flaws...

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

A lot of people... Though probably most of all she regrets meeting the second of her 3 exes because dealing with him made her psychic ailments a thousand times worse.

It was the kind of toxic situation where Bakhya was desperate for any kind of attention and ended up going to any length to try and make him happy, but unfortunately was not able to do so (the guy was just an asshole full of shit) even when she went as far as to dye her hair blonde since he liked to repeat "how much he likes blonde girls" out loud when she was around.

She knows he was a piece of shit now, but being around him only contributed to making her situation back then worse both with self-esteem, mental health, and drugs, so she will always feel remorse over having considered going out with him at all. Probably the only person in the world she actively always wishes harm against.

B) What inspired you to create them?

This issss a great question! I don't remember actually. Before I decided to rehaul her, Kuobakhaya used to be "Joan", and I made Joan all the way back in 2016 now I think. Crazy to think that it's been 9 years since I've had this OC and only now decided to give her a proper well-rounded revision. I've had to change a lot of things about her.

I think I made her not long after watching Trainspotting, I think, and I was really fascinated with the complexity of characters that are afflicted by addictions, as well as how complicated drugs can make one's life in like, real life, not just in movies. I went as far as to thoroughly research every possible symptoms a character like Bakhya's could have, researching the intersection that comes with switching from cocaine to heroin usage, what are the visible tics, the psychological effects, and so forth. I was further inspired to simply let a tulpa of sorts develop in my brain around the "what if she suffered this and that, how would she react, what would her thoughts be" and gradually it just... Happened.

What was really curious is that I made "Joan" before I ever even watched Twin Peaks, as I now consider Laura Palmer one of the inspirations for Kuobakhaya ('she's just like me fr' situation with Bakhya -> Laura) but trust me when I say I saw the show much later than she was created. Obviously Bakhya's story is not at all a carbon copy of Laura Palmer's (because I made her before I knew of Laura's character, but also because I feel it'd be in bad taste?) but the sentiments, the "philosophy" behind the type of character are both there, in a sense...

This question went sort of nowhere I apologize but I was really just inspired by the idea of a woman tortured by the Mundane demons, not supernatural creatures or anything like that, by how drugs can shape a person and feed into their insecurities and really try and feel how that can change them fundamentally; but not only that, I wanted to explore the idea of recovery, finding yourself again, trying to get back on your own feet after years spent trying to "fit" with the "cool crowd". I had a rp blog for the then-Joan, for like, years, you know.

And I decided to give her a little character arc where she went through recovery and everything. I spent so much effort writing it, too, like, it was really extensive (for my standards) and it involved moving blogs and everything just for that really clean slate feeling -- and literally nobody cared about it, like it was straight up ignored by many people who weren't my friends? I remember that moment completely disenchanting me from the oc roleplay community LOL. Anyway.............

[syekick-powers]

Agape 3, Pragma 2 & 5, Pholautia 3 for Sylvus and Selius? 

i like that you asked these for both sylvus AND selius. considering sylvus was loosely based on selius. but im sure that was intentional on your part eh

Agape- 3. To what extent does your OC believe in the value (or even existence) of true altruism? Do they see an unselfish concern for the welfare of others as being naïve or foolish? Or as a moral quality to which people should aspire?

Sylvus: he largely thinks that true altruism is possible, but he mostly observes it happening between people who are equally bad off. he doesn't really believe that rich people have enough of a heart to express true altruism. he also has a hard time recognizing altruism in himself and generally thinks of his own gestures of kindness as just an equal trade (since he'll steal money or valuables from rich people and use the money or trade the valuables for something that he needs rather than just handing shit out freely) rather than any kind of selfless gesture of kindness. he definitely thinks it's something that should be aspired to, but thinks that most people don't express it as much as they should.

Selius: selius wants to believe in true altruism and thinks that there are real examples of it in the universe, but they don't really experience very many gestures of kindness in their story due to being in hell (and in a really bad position in hell too)

Pragma- 2. What is the biggest challenge that your OC has had to overcome in a long-term relationship or friendship? What helped them get through this?

Sylvus: sylvus's whole sibling rivalry with saleth is just a mess that he hasn't even really resolved yet. the best way to describe it is that saleth is Lawful and sylvus is Chaotic, and the two of them have had some very nasty disagreements because of this that led to a huge blowup between them that is as of yet still unresolved.

Selius: the number one relationship challenge that selius really had to deal with in their story was trying to balance their own Schemes and Plans with their bestfriend+romantic parter's Schemes and Plans running in the background, trying to get the two of them not to mess up selius's plans without knowing what the two of them were going to do. it... didn't quite work out in the end for them.

Pragma - 5. What importance or value does your OC attach to marriage? Do they believe that it is important to make a public statement of commitment to another person (or persons)? Or are they more concerned about inheritance rights and security for their family? Or do they not see marriage as a necessary signifier of commitment and loyalty?

Sylvus: for him, marriage is A Thing Other People Do that is Not For Him. he understands the social dynamics of it and how it exists as a symbol of commitment, but he has absolutely no desire to ever engage in it. i think he could potentially develop romantic feelings for someone, but i fully do not know if he'd want to marry someone even if he did. he feels completely disconnected from it.

Selius: marriage as a concept doesn't really exist in hell; demons can kinda informally partner, but it's not exactly a place where Love Blooms, you know. selius is, however, deeply committed to their romantic partner. the two of them are kind of a symbol of star-crossed lovers after a while, but they never officially ever get "married" in any capacity. they don't really need to cuz everyone knows they're a big deal already. 😂

Philautia - 3. Does your OC judge themselves by the same standards as they apply to others? Or are they sometimes hypocritical in condemning others for faults they also possess? Or perhaps they find it easier to forgive others for things that they cannot abide in themselves?

Sylvus: generally, he holds himself to a higher standard than he does other people. he has a tendency to see himself in a rather unfavorable light, so something that he might find commendable in someone else he either doesn't notice in himself or tells himself to do better on. he is definitely more likely to go more easy on someone else he likes than himself--unless you're rich, a cop, or have done something to piss him off. then he won't go easy on you at all and will gladly roast you to death for a flaw he also possesses.

Selius: they tend to go back and forth between judging themself extremely overly harshly and thinking they're the hottest shit in hell, with very little in between or even transition from one to the other. they don't forgive their enemies for anything but when it comes to the people they care about they'll forgive most any mistake while violently hating themself for the exact same mistakes.

[crazedlunatic]

Breathing Treatments & Promises

Matt rushed into Massachusetts General Hospital, taking several deep breaths. There were two people at the front desk in line ahead of him. He could see Adrian’s asshole father in the corner of the waiting room and he felt a rush of anger jolt through his body.

He thought he’d hated the guy before but there was no going back from this.

Not if what Officer Morgan said over the phone was true—and he knew it was. That officer would have no reason to lie or exaggerate. It wasn’t how they worked. Facts, full facts, or no information.

One person in front of Matt now.

Part of him wanted to pull the police card and move in front of them but, honestly, he wasn’t in Cambridge and he at least knew Adrian was okay. Well, kind of okay. The person in front of him, though… who knew what they were here for.

It was taking too long but honestly it could have taken longer.

“Officer Caldwell?”

Matt saw another officer, a Boston one, off to the side. Same uniform, just a different city patch on the sleeve and the name in a slightly different font.

He also saw Adrian’s dad standing up, looking shocked. He clearly had recognized Matt by his face or by hearing his last name. Matt assumed he remembered the last name, though, since they’d barely spent fifteen minutes together.

“Yeah. Matt.” Matt said to the officer who had approached him. “What’s… Where…”

“Let me go find out. I think they just moved him to an actual room.” The officer said, facial expression very serious. Then again, someone close to another officer knew was in the hospital. The officer was serious—and probably thankful it wasn’t someone he loved.

It was always more personal when it was another officer’s family member or friend.

Matt fell into a seat by the desk and took several deep breaths.

Adrian was okay.

He was at a hospital.

He was okay.

He would be okay.

But Matt would never, ever let Adrian go see either of his parents alone.

Never, ever again.

Matt would be there… or Adrian wouldn’t be there.

He and Adrian had worked hard to get where they were, for Adrian to have opened up enough to fully trust him, and Matt was not letting anyone take back Adrian’s progress.

Especially his asshole dad.

“Matt?”

Matt, who had been looking at his work boots through his angry musing, glanced up and saw Adrian’s father standing in front of him.

“Don’t talk to me. This is your fault.” Matt said, his voice soft as he looked into his eyes. “All of it is your fault. Who lets a sixteen year old teenager move out with someone five years older? Did you even care? How could you not know?”

“Can you just let me know how Adrian is?”

“I don’t have time for you just like you didn’t have time for me. I hope you are sorry because he’s been terrified for years and it’s all your fault. You are horrible. You are a horrible father. Adrian lives in fear and part of it is because you let it go that far.” Matt’s voice was still just as soft.

“What he says happened didn’t happen. You don’t understand. Chad would never—”

Matt wanted—really wanted— to stand but didn’t trust himself not to push Adrian’s father, so he remained seated.  “What did you just say?”

“Chad is a good guy. He loves Adrian. Something else—Someone else must have drugged him or something. Adrian is my son. I love him and I know that Chad would never hurt him.” Adrian’s father made eye contact.

The other officer, Officer Morgan, was back and standing off to the side, quiet and waiting.

“You didn’t care about him being your son before so don’t pretend to care now.” Matt stood—his tone was different. It was his officer tone—and the one he used when he was disgusted with someone and did not grant them personal conversation. “Go back to Colorado. You’re not getting in that hospital room. I promise you that.”

“Matt.”

“You love him?” Matt repeated. “If I refused to come home for that many years, you better be damn sure my dad would be coming to find out why. You abandoned him when he needed you most and you didn’t even question why he would go away, why he would only go home for a funeral. But, yeah, you love him. Okay.”

“This is not my fault. Today is not my fault.”

“No.” Matt held up a hand. “Wrong. This is your fault. Adrian deserves better than you. Everything he’s suffered through for—what?— seven years is your fault. You either knew and didn’t do anything or, even worse, you had no fucking clue and didn’t care enough to find out why he was depressed, withdrawn, terrified to come home. I don’t have time for you and I will never make it because you didn’t have the time for Adrian. Have a horrible fucking night, you piece of shit.”

Officer Morgan finally came closer, taking Matt’s words as a cue. “Come on. I’ll take you back.”

Matt followed him down through huge double doors and a long, bright hallway. “Were you the one with him?”

“Yes. I actually rode in the ambulance and my partner followed in the car.” He nodded. “I don’t think Adrian felt safe alone without an officer… He was very insistent one of us stay with him… I didn’t realize why he was so insistent on an officer staying with him until I looked in his wallet once we got here.”

Tears filled Matt’s eyes and he nodded.

“I guess the doctor will tell you more but he had a really, really bad asthma attack when he saw that guy. Adrian said he didn’t have an inhaler on him. My partner and I had been called to the airport, but we saw some people around him when we were leaving. A little bit before the ambulance got there someone with an inhaler walked by but it was already so serious that it didn’t… really help.”

Matt nodded.

“My partner arrested the guy but there isn’t enough to hold him very long. Probably not through the night. He will have to come back—”

“To see the judge.” Matt finished, sniffling. “But it’ll probably just be added to the file.”

Officer Morgan nodded.

“Thank you for riding with him.” Matt said after taking a deep breath.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m just sorry there wasn’t more we could do. We’re going to see about having patrol cars carry inhalers or something because it probably wouldn’t have gotten as bad so maybe… some good can come out of it?”

“Yeah.” Matt nodded. “You’ve got my number. Can you just… let me know when you all release him? So I can…”

“Of course. And you’ve got mine if you need anything.” Officer Morgan came to a halt outside of a room.

“Thank you again. So much.”

“You’re welcome. I hope your partner feels better, Matt.”

“Thanks.” Matt sniffled and walked into the room.

Adrian was sitting up in the bed and doing a breathing treatment but he looked terrible. Pale, hair wet from sweat, his clothes looked dirty—Matt tried to not think about the fact that Adrian had probably been laying on the ground trying to catch his breath, mostly alone unless you counted strangers, his horrible father, and the person who raped him—tired, and sad. Adrian noticed Matt and lowered the mask.

“Hey.” Matt came over, his voice shaky. “Finish that.”

Adrian held the mask over his face again, looking into Matt’s eyes.

Honestly, Adrian didn’t even have to say anything.

Matt knew it all just by looking at him.

“He’s doing a breathing treatment and we’ve got him on this IV to lower lung inflammation. We’re hoping he can go home tonight but we’re not quite sure yet.” A young female nurse smiled at Matt. “You can sit with him on the bed if you’d like.”

Matt nodded, sitting on the side of the bed. He put his hand over Adrian’s left hand and squeezed.

“He’s pretty weak and sleepy. If he doesn’t do better in the next two hours he’ll have to stay overnight but he’s already doing a little better than when he came in so I’m confident.” The nurse said. “When he goes home, we’ll send him a prescription for bronchodilator drugs and a slip for a nebulizer. It’s honestly worth the money to buy it than rent it so you all have it on hand.”

“Okay.” Matt nodded again, not sure what was going on but not even knowing the questions to ask. What the hell was a nebulizer? A bronchodilator? “Can I stay with him?”

“Of course.” She nodded. “If security gets weird, just show them your badge. I have a feeling Officer Morgan will hang around a while longer too. The police are extra cautious when it’s their own, you know?”

Matt couldn’t find words so he nodded and reached up, running his fingers through Adrian’s wet hair.

He would have hung around if it were another officer’s husband, wife, partner, or child too.

Kind of an unspoken code—be there as long as you could to help a brother out.

The machine connected to the mask Adrian was breathing from began to sputter and he took the mask off, sagging against Matt.

“I’ll be back to check on you soon, honey.” The nurse patted Adrian’s leg and then headed out.

“I want to go home.” Adrian whimpered, voice soft.

“Soon.” Matt forced a smile, feeling like his stomach was in his throat.

“M’sorry.”

“Shh. You did nothing wrong, babe.” Matt touched his face. “Nothing. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”

“You’re here now.” Adrian looked him in the eyes.

“Adrian, I’m scared.” Matt said, biting his lip to keep it from trembling even though his eyes had teared up again.

Which was ridiculous.

Adrian was feeling this bad and Matt was trying not to cry?

This wasn’t about Matt.

“Can you help me lay down?” Adrian asked.

Matt nodded, sliding his arms underneath Adrian with ease and moving him into a laying position.

Adrian watched him with heavy eyes.

“You need rest.” Matt whispered, leaning over and kissing his forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? You’re safe.”

Adrian nodded and his eyes closed.

Matt stared at him, hating how his chest was literally jumping around. Breathing treatment or not, he wasn’t breathing right.

And Adrian’s dad was responsible.

And that guy.

That guy who would probably be released before Adrian even made it out of the hospital. Matt, who was sitting half on the edge of the bed, looked up when Adrian’s dad opened the door.

“You need to go.” Matt said, voice soft.

Adrian’s eyes opened and he struggled to push himself up into a sitting position.

“No. Stay down. You need to rest.” Matt whispered, touching Adrian’s too-warm cheek.

“Help me up.” Adrian coughed.

Matt did so, but only because he didn’t want Adrian to get more worked up.

“Hey, Dad.” Adrian looked at his father—what else was he supposed to do?

“How do you feel?”

“Not great.” Adrian coughed.

“Listen, Adrian. I think you’re remembering wrong.” His dad said, coming forward. “Chad loves you and would never do that.”

Matt stood up, digging his fingernails into his palm so he wouldn’t say anything.

“No, Dad. He really did it all.” Adrian said weakly. “This is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you wouldn’t believe—”

“Son, there is no way—” Adrian’s father cut him off.

Adrian began to cough hard.

“Go. You need to go.” Matt said sharply.

“You don’t have jurisdiction here.” Adrian’s father said. “This is Boston.”

“Yeah but those two officers at the nurse’s station do and the only reason they’re here still is because the hospital is waiting for you to leave. They’re here to avoid confrontation since you’re the one who brought the asshole to see Adrian. They don’t trust you.” Matt’s voice was very even. “Trust me. Been there, done that at least once a week for five years.  You need to leave.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Actually,” Matt’s voice got louder. “I can.”

“Matt.” Adrian grabbed his wrist as Officer Morgan came into the room.

“You aren’t going to talk to him like he doesn’t remember right. He did that stuff to Adrian.” Matt did not lower his voice, his eyes teary. “He is sick because of you and he is not wasting time or breath on you right now. This is your fault and your fault alone. You need to go.”

“Adrian, call me tomorrow and we’ll talk.” His father said.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” Adrian said before coughing again.

“Don’t you apologize for anything!” Matt exclaimed, looking at Adrian. “He should be apologizing to you!”

“Come on.” Officer Morgan said to Adrian’s father who was clearly about to respond to Matt. “This isn’t the time or place.”

Matt glared as Adrian’s dad walked out.

“You good?” Officer Morgan asked, looking at Matt and Adrian.

“Yes.” Matt nodded as the nurse came in, willing his tears away.

He needed to pull himself together.

“Let’s do another breathing treatment, sweetie.” She said, pouring liquid from a pouch and into a cup on some tiny machine.

Matt helped Adrian back into a sitting position, feeling even angrier because of how shaky Adrian was now.

“He isn’t allowed in here again.” Officer Morgan told the nurse.

“Okay, James.” The nurse smiled before leaving.

“I’ll be right out there. I’m going to try to stay until you two leave. It’s pretty slow.” The officer told Matt, nodding.

“Thanks.” Matt nodded.

When the officer left, he watched the nurse putting some liquid from a pouch into a small cup that was hooked up to a machine.

Matt probably should have watched, asked questions so he could help Adrian from home, but he wasn’t exactly coherent enough to think that far ahead at the moment.

As soon as the medicine had started and she was convinced Adrian had it, she excused herself with the promise of returning soon.

“I’m so sorry.” Adrian rasped, looking at Matt once the door closed. He was so pale and his eyes stood out more than usual as he breathed in the medicine.

“No. You didn’t do anything.”

“You had to leave w-work and—” Tears filled Adrian’s eyes. “And you’re so upset and—”

“No.” Matt shook his head, making eye contact with his own teary eyes—he needed to quit crying and be there for Adrian, but he couldn’t help it. They just kept coming. Plus, any time Adrian cried, Matt cried. It had always been that way—and Matt was by no means a crier, either. He hadn’t been before Adrian, at least.

“Yes.” Adrian sniffled.

“You are more important than work or… or anything, Adrian. The most important thing. So, we’re going to stay here until you can go home and I’ll take you home and I’ll use sick time and we’ll just lay, cuddle, sleep, and watch the trashy reality shows you like to watch and I won’t even complain. And I’ll get you all the Panera you want for breakfast and lunch and I’ll get you Mediterranean for dinner every day from all the places you like, okay?”

Adrian nodded.

“You don’t need your dad. You’ve got my parents and my three older brothers and we’re all pretty good at kicking people’s asses so you’re really doing pretty well.” Matt sniffled and wiped his own eyes. “I just want—I just need you to get better, okay? So we can get engaged and married and live together and have so much fucking sex.”

Adrian let out a half laugh.

“But I’m going to quit talking until you’re done with that so I can get you home. Okay?” Matt touched Adrian’s cheek.

Adrian nodded, learning against Matt and relaxing as he continued his breathing treatment.

“I’m here.” Matt kissed the top of his head, his eyes set on the door. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

“I love you so much.” Adrian said after lowering the machine again.

“I love you too but if you don’t finish your medicine, I’m going to arrest you.” Matt joked, brushing his hair back.

Adrian leaned against him once more, finishing his medicine and then falling asleep.

By the time he woke up, he was already home and in his bed with Matt and AJ on either side.

[youshi56]

Dear Survivor:

In searching to understand choices and decisions I made that ended up detrimental to me and my children I came across the scripture 1 Corinthians 4:4 which began the process of me understanding the role my subconscious thought and things I experienced in my life played in decisions, choices I had made through out my life. I recently came across this book that maybe helpful to those who have found themselves also asking why they do the things they do and or the underlying causes behind it. “Taking your life back.”

The goal in taking our lives back is to realign with our true self so we can develop healthy, loving, and open relationships in which we feel accepted and affirmed for who we are rather than for what we do. Where we or a person will finally find the peace and serenity we (they) long to experience and have been searching for when we develop relationships in which we truly care, love, and forgive ourselves and embrace ourselves mistakes and all, apart from others judgement.

I wanted to post pictures of some of the books that have assisted me in my healing journey to wholeness. Although, I post regarding books that have assisted and or helped me in recognizing the material as beneficial to those seeking and whom circumstances and or situations have caused them to believe lies about themselves, others and or God.

I came to personally understand the cause of pain and suffering I experienced as well as the pain and suffering my children experienced. I can trace it back to human folly, ignorance, sin and or evil and recognize it as mine or others.

“Human folly” (a lack of understanding, sense,or rational conduct;

foolishness,any foolish action or belief) “Ignorance” (lack of knowledge, education,or awareness) “Sin” (an offense against religious or moral law; an action that is or

is felt to be highly reprehensible; an often serious shortcoming, fault) “Evil”

(the condition of being immoral, cruel, or bad, or an act of this type)

Although, at one time I didn't fully understand the impact others human folly, ignorance, sin or evil had on me (personally) in understanding how I coped I began to deal with how it impacted me how I felt about myself, others and or God and how that influenced choices and decisions I made.

And I always thought because I didn’t go out drinking etc. and was more interested in being a mom and taking care of my children I truly thought when they were grown I would have their respect and love. I thought in each recognizing all I had done in taking care of them as a single mom both would hold me in higher regard than perhaps they do. Over the years I began to see how things affected them and all my attempts to help them both understand wasn’t understood. Realizing I was not to blame for all the pain and confusion I still carried it for a long time.

I have over the years come to understand the enemy uses individuals unhealed hurts to continue to create discord and division.

Although I can seek regarding myself I often come across material helpful for others either in regards to themselves or others that is the material I still give to those in positions who counsel individuals and first responders.

I love my girls and often it has broken my heart the discord and division the enemy has perpetrated in lives of families realizing he can only succeed when individuals because of unhealed pain and hurt allow the enemy to convince them of lies about themselves, others and or God.

I have watched as the enemy enjoyed destroying families powerless to change it continuing to pray that one day those who fall prey to his tactics will take back their lives.

I realize some don’t necessarily understand my relationship with God and to be honest He chose ordinary individuals not perfect to reach out to individuals such as:

He reached out in His understanding and love for individuals who at times didn’t understand Him, His love and hope for them. He reach out to those who like me were often discarded, tossed aside, judged and who the world or people gave up on. He reached out to those who gave up on themselves and believed the lies of the world due to circumstances and situations they went through or faced began to believe about themselves, others and or God.

God looks upon the heart He sees beyond the reactions understanding the reason why people do what they do and why. God is the first person who through out scripture demonstrated “Non-judgement style thinking “where he understands what is going on on in the inside and the many ways people cope with their pain etc.” and His ability to heal and transform lives with the correct understanding of ourselves, others and Him offering guidance and answers to all who seek. He offers answers not just in regards to Himself but offers answer in regards to anything a person is seeking about. In scripture He says “seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness (His right way of thinking) and all these things will be added unto you.” He doesn’t say His help is limited to worshipping Him or even following Him but for all who seek for answers regarding their lives. When we recognize the avenues He uses to speak to us personally we begin to grasp those things we never understood or accepted before. Our spiritual eyes, ears become open and once crippled begin to walk no longer lame.

God whispers into our heart, mind, body and soul understanding needed until like Helen Keller we begin to grasp His ability for us personally. I say begin as it is a process in relationship: God has put knowledge about Himself inside each one of us, but sometimes we can see Him best in others.

To say that we " we came to believe" in anything describes a process. Belief is the result of consideration, doubt, reasoning and concluding. Forming beliefs shows marks of God's image in our lives. It involves emotion and our mind. It leads to actions that transform.

We start with our own experience. We see what doesn't work and recognizing there isn't enough power in ourselves to restore us to the places of rest and peace we long for. " When we're quiet enough to listen, we hear that still small voice inside us saying and confirming God is real and there is a God and He's extremely powerful in love. We know the truth about God because He has made it obvious to them. (Romans 1:19).

After looking at our internal weaknesses, then we need to look outside ourselves. We need to see that there are others who have struggled with the same things and recovered. We can see that they, too, we're unable to heal themselves, yet they are able to live free.

I realize some people don’t necessarily understand my relationship with God or people who talk about having a relationship with God or about God but to be honest He chose ordinary individuals not perfect to reach out to individuals such as:

Noah – He drank too much, but, God used him to build the ark to save the world. (Genesis 6-9)

Abraham and Sarah – They were an old, washed-up couple who God used to build a nation. (Genesis 11-25)

Joseph – He was an entitled teen who went through God’s classroom, training him to save both Egypt and Israel. (Genesis 37-50)

Moses – He was a stutterer who was God’s spokesman and leader. (Exodus 3-4)

Rahab – She was a prostitute who God used to help his spies and overtake Jericho. (Joshua 2)

Jonah – He was the escapist who God brought back to save Nineveh. (Jonah 1-3)

Esther – She was the adopted orphan who became Queen to save Israel. (Esther 1-8)

Peter – He was the quitter who God brought back to start the Kingdom. (Matthew 26, John 21, Acts 1-2)

Paul – He was the enemy who became the most prolific Christian in the New Testament. (Acts 7-9)

He reached out in His understanding and love for individuals who at times didn’t understand Him, His love and hope for them. He reach out to those who like me were often discarded, tossed aside, judged and who the world or people gave up on. He reached out to those who gave up on themselves and believed the lies of the world due to circumstances and situations they went through or faced began to believe about themselves, others and or God.

I recently came across this song that is shared below is a song I lift in prayer regarding those who through circumstances and situations don’t know the love God has for them etc.

With God’s love and grace,

Linda

https://youtu.be/YqHjjZz1Syg

[cuttoothed]

Fic for day 3 of @jonmartinweek for the prompt "Healing & Recovery". We've all been saying jmart need a lot of therapy after the finale, so...yeah.

Disclaimer: I have never been to couple's therapy. I have done some reading on it, but this is not intended in any way to accurately reflect real world therapy practices. Please just assume that anything "off" is due to the way couple's therapy is practiced in AU-land (though of course feel free to let me know if you spot anything egregious).

*

“Why don’t you start,” Judith suggests, “By telling me about the incident?”

The two men on the sofa give her identical startled looks, as if she’s uncovered something incriminating. Martin seems to regain his composure first; he clears his throat, and his hand moves to cover Jon’s, unconsciously protective.

“Sorry, wh-what do you mean by “incident”?”

“For most couples who come to see me, there’s an...inciting incident,” Judith explains. “Something that makes them realize they could use some professional support to work through things. Of course any couple can benefit from seeing a therapist together on occasion, to deal with small issues before they become big ones. But, well, it’s the same way that everyone knows they should go for regular check ups with their GP rather than waiting until they actually get sick—it’s just not something most people get around to until they need it.”

She pauses to give them time to consider that, and after a moment Jon nods, looking mildly embarrassed.

“Right,” he says. “That’s, ah, I think that’s fair.”

“There are pretty strong extenuating circumstances, though,” Martin huffs defensively. “We didn’t exactly have the option for therapy in the a—wh-where we lived before.”

“It’s not intended as a criticism,” Judith tells him. “You’ve chosen to talk to a therapist, and that’s a big step—one that many people never take. You’re ahead of the curve, Martin.”

Martin looks mollified at that; he’s clearly a bit touchy about perceived criticisms of their relationship, and Judith doesn’t want to get him on the defensive. She gives them both an encouraging smile.

“So,” she says. “Is there an incident you’d like to talk about?”

The two of them look at each other expectantly, as if each is waiting for the other to start. After several long moments of silence, Jon raises his eyebrows meaningfully, and Martin sighs.

“Fine,” he says. “So, we, uh, we recently realized that our...garden was a-a bit of a mess. So we—Jon and I—we get together with our...housemates, to figure out what kind of flowers we should plant. Fuschias or—or hydrangeas. ”

He pauses to glance nervously at Jon, who gives him a reassuring nod, squeezing his hand.

Right, Judith thinks, This is probably not about flowers.

“We agree we all want fuschias,” Martin continues, “Except Jon—he wanted hydrangeas. But we took a vote, and it was fuschias.”

“Except of course most of our—our housemates weren’t there for that meeting,” Jon interjects, folding his arms across his chest.

“Yes, but we agreed we couldn’t wait to ask every single person,” Martin says sharply, back on the defensive. Jon’s brow furrows and his mouth opens as if to say something, but he changes his mind and shuts it again. Conflict aversion is one of the most common dysfunctions Judith sees in the couples she treats; very few people want to disagree with the person they love, and even fewer know how to have a constructive conflict. She makes a mental note of it for later.

“Go ahead, Martin,’ she suggests gently. Martin looks unhappy, but continues.

“So we agree to plant the fuschias the next day, but Jon—Jon sneaks out in the middle of the night and starts, uh, planting hydrangeas. Without telling anyone.”

Without telling me, Judith hears in his hurt tone. Jon’s arms are still folded, and he’s almost squirming in his seat with the effort to not interject; Judith decides it’s a good time to invite him into the story.

“Jon, why did you feel so strongly about the hydrangeas?”

“It’s—it wasn’t that I wanted hydrangeas, I just couldn’t a-accept the idea of—of fuchsias.”

“Couldn’t allow it, you mean,” Martin grumbles. Judith lets it pass and continues to focus on Jon.

“Why is that?”

“They, uh, they spread…” Jon waves his hands vaguely. “Their—their...roots? They would get into the, uh, the neighbors’ gardens, completely take over, destroy everything.”

“Potentially,” Martin insists. “There was no guarantee—”

“There was no reason they wouldn’t,” Jon snaps.

By now Judith is not only sure that this has nothing to do with gardening, but suspects that neither of these men has ever seen a fuchsia in their lives. It’s fine, though. This is far from the first time a client has invented a story out of whole cloth so they can work through something uncomfortable without actually describing it. And this is their first session; Judith hopes in the future they’ll trust her enough to give her the real story.

“Remember,” she tells them. “We’re not here to decide that someone was objectively right or wrong, we’re here to help you understand each other and improve your communication skills.”

“Right,” Martin mutters, unconvinced. Jon’s expression is distressed, but he continues.

“There was no other choice,” he says wearily. “The only other option was—was azaleas, and I know you didn’t want that, Martin.”

“Absolutely not.” Martin sounds horrified. “But hydrangeas, Jon? Do you really think that was a better option?”

“You have to see the difference.” Jon’s tone goes stiff and incredulous, as if he’s winding up for a lecture, and Judith decides to cut that off before it starts.

“So what I’m hearing,” she says, “Is that you both had very strong, conflicting opinions on this topic. And that’s okay—it’s okay for you to disagree, even on something important. You’re not always going to agree on what the right thing to do is. Often there is no single “right thing,” so it comes down to how the different choices make us feel.”

“That doesn’t seem like a good way to make a decision that affects the wh—a lot of people.” Jon clearly considers that his opinion on not-flowers was the objectively correct one. Judith smiles.

“People aren’t computers, Jon. Even the most logical minded person in the world is influenced by their feelings—about important issues, about other people. You’d be surprised at how much of our decision making is rooted in emotion; either how we anticipate the outcome of our decision will make us feel, or how we are feeling in the immediate moment of the choice.”

A spasm of something that might be grief or pain flashes across Jon’s face, and he leans unconsciously in Martin’s direction. Martin’s arm instantly goes around him, offering comfort without thought. It’s clear that these two love each other deeply, unquestioningly—and that’s also part of the problem. When someone you love thinks that you’re wrong about something that’s important to you, it can feel like a rejection of your entire self.

“I’d like to pause this discussion for now, and try a little exercise,” she says. Jon nods, sitting back up and disengaging from Martin’s embrace; Martin looks attentively at her, though his expression is unsure.

“One of the biggest challenges we face with people we love is recognizing that they are separate from us. I know—” she says, raising her hands to stop the objections she can already see forming on their lips. “Of course you know that you’re separate people. We all know that, rationally. But emotionally, it’s natural to see the people you’re close to as extensions of yourself—it’s an evolutionary impulse to aid group bonding. It happens with friends and family, and it’s an even stronger impulse between partners.

“We have to do a lot of work to truly internalize the idea that the people we love have their own inner emotional lives that drive their opinions and decisions. But once you are able to fully grasp that truth, it makes disagreeing with the person you love feel less emotionally fraught; it’s a powerful tool for navigating conflict constructively.”

Jon is frowning, but it’s in consideration rather than disapproval. Martin still looks skeptical, his body language defensive, though he doesn’t say anything. That’s probably the best she’s going to get for now, Judith thinks.

“So,” she says. “The exercise is this: I’d like each of you to take a few moments to think, and then tell the other person something about yourself. Not a fact, but something that you feel. And I would like you to listen without interrupting when your partner tells you their feeling. Can you each do that?”

“I, ah—” Jon’s frown deepens. “That’s...rather difficult to do on demand.”

“I know,” says Judith with sympathy. “That’s why I’m here, to support you both in doing the difficult things. If it was easy, you wouldn’t need a therapist to facilitate.”

“Right,” says Jon. “Okay.”

“Martin?”

“Fine,” he says, but his tone is reluctant. Judith gets it; vulnerability is hard enough in front of someone you love, never mind with a stranger in the room. It’s easier to pretend that it’s pointless, that you’re not really putting yourself out there to be hurt. She has the feeling that Martin is someone who would rather avoid being hurt, even if it means closing himself off.

“All right,” she says. “When you’re ready, Jon, would you mind going first? No rush, take all the time you need.” Hopefully, seeing Jon take the first step might help Martin get over some of his defensiveness.

“Oh,” he says, and for a few moments his expression devolves into one of intense concentration. Then he nods, turning towards Martin.

“Start with “I feel”,” Judith suggests.

“All right,” he says, breathless with nerves. “I, uh, I feel...responsible. For—well, for everything, basically. And for everyone. Bad things have happened to people, and it’s my fault, because I should have done something. Everything that happened, back there, it was all because of me.”

“It wasn’t you, Jon!” Martin protests. “Annabelle told us—”

Judith is about to remind him that he’s supposed to just be listening, but he cuts himself off first. Jon laughs, an ugly sound that’s more like a sob.

“And how is that supposed to help? Knowing that the—that they were using me my whole life, how does that absolve me of any responsibility for what I did? For the fact that I failed to do anything to stop them? I couldn’t even go through with the one thing that could have actually meant something, because—”

He clamps his mouth shut, his jaw locked tight; Martin looks down at his hands, his expression distraught.

“Because of me.”

“Martin—” Jon’s tone is wounded, and he reaches for Martin’s hand. Judith sees reflections of a shared pain in both their faces, though she doesn’t understand why; this would be a lot easier if they’d just tell her the truth.

But you didn’t get into this profession because it was easy, did you?

“Thank you for sharing that, Jon. I think there’s a lot more for us to explore there, but let’s give you a break and give Martin a chance to share, okay?”

Jon nods, clutching Martin’s hand in his. Martin gives a long, slow exhale.

“Righto,” he says with false, brittle cheer. “”I feel,” wasn’t it? Right. Jon, when you do something stupidly self-sacrificing for other people, I feel like everyone else is more important than me.”

Jon flinches.

“Martin,” Judith says, keeping her tone level. “Let’s keep the focus on what you feel, not on what causes you to feel that way, okay?”

“Right,” Martin mutters, and glances at Jon. “Okay. In that case, I feel...like I’m not important. Like the only thing I can really do is—is take care of you. And if I can’t even do that, then what bloody use am I? That’s it, I suppose.”

“Martin…” Jon says again, softly. His eyes are wet, and he’s clinging to Martin’s hand like a drowning man to a plank. Martin swallows hard and shakes his head, but he makes no move to extract his hand from Jon’s grip.

“Thank you, Martin,” Judith tells him. “I know that wasn’t easy to share, for either of you. But this is the kind of honesty that we need, in order to build strong communication. Let’s all take five minutes—if either of you want to take a bathroom break, or get some water—and then we can talk about where to go from here. All right?”

Martin disappears to the loo, while Jon wanders around the office, looking with polite interest at the shelves of books and ornaments. Judith writes a few notes for herself, to follow up in future sessions. She hopes there’ll be future sessions. Both of these men seem deeply hurt, traumatized by events that they’re just barely alluding to, and have clearly been struggling through as best they can with less than ideal coping mechanisms, trying—and likely failing—not to hurt each other in the process. They both need individual counselling as much as couples’ therapy—maybe more. She’s certainly going to recommend it..

They clearly love each other, though. And they want to make it work. If they’re willing to put the effort in, they have better than even odds in their favor.

Martin’s eyes are red-rimmed when he returns; he sits on the sofa as near as he can to Jon, who presses their shoulders together. Judith can’t help smiling at the sight.

“How long have the two of you been together?” she asks. She always asks new clients at the end of the first session, rather than at the beginning; that way she can get a feel for the relationship without preconceptions based on longevity. The two of them look at each other properly, for the first time since Martin came back in, and matching, sheepish smiles break out on both their faces after a moment.

“So it was three weeks in Scotland,” Martin begins, ticking it off on his fingers. “And then—how long?”

“Uhh, it’s...let’s say half a year, give or take?” Jon makes a face that says he’s really not all that sure.

“Right, and then we’ve been here nearly six months. So...about a year, all in all?”

“But we knew each other for over three years before that,” Jon insists earnestly.

“It sounds as if the two of you have been through a lot,” says Judith. “And not all of it gardening related?”

“No,” Jon says with a self-deprecating chuckle. “Mostly not.”

“We barely scratched the surface today—and that’s normal. Relationships are complicated, and it takes a lot of time and hard work to build understanding and communication. But I promise you, it is worth all the effort. You both made a really strong start today—it takes courage to be that honest, even with your partner.”

The two of them give each other a long look, and the smile they trade is tentative, but genuine. They haven’t solved anything today, have only just begun to reveal their hurt and their insecurities; they have a long journey ahead to get to a truly honest, healthy place both for themselves and their relationship. Judith has a feeling they’ll persevere, though—that losing each other simply isn’t an option.

“So,” she says, “Should we make this a recurring appointment?”

Jon glances questioningly at Martin, who bites his lip and then nods firmly, taking Jon’s hand in his.

“Yeah,” Martin says. “We’ve done much harder things. We can do this.”

“Together?” says Jon, and Martin smiles.

“No matter what.”

[one-more-offbeat-anthem]

“Sorry, Jack,” Dean says, checking his phone for the umpteenth time this hour, “It’s really cancelled.”

“It’s okay. Not your fault.” Jack gives Dean a half-hearted hug and plods out of the kitchen, leaving Dean alone and unsure of what to do.

Ever since Cas mentioned that the cashier at the grocery store (because Cas is somehow friends with everyone) told him there was a drive-in movie theater in Smith Center, Jack’s been begging to go. Tonight there was supposed to be a showing of Finding Nemo, which Dean knew would make him cry but Jack wanted to see it (it’s funny raising a kid who loves both the Die Hard franchise and every Disney movie ever made). Eileen and Sam were going to come, too, make a night of it.

But now it’s been rained out, which means Jack’s disappointed, which means that Dean feels like, somehow, he’s gotta find a way to fix this.

Even if the weather is, like Jack said, not Dean’s fault. 

Half an hour later, Dean’s still moping in the kitchen and contemplating rummaging through the fridge for a beer--he’s pretty sure there are a couple still in there, behind Sam’s kale that he keeps stealing (kale is actually not that bad, but Sam can never find out that Dean thinks that or he’ll never hear the end of it)--when he hears footsteps that he instantly recognizes as Cas’s.

“You seem more upset than Jack is,” Cas says, coming around the kitchen island to rest a hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

“He was so excited.” Dean leans into Cas’s touch, snakes an arm around his waist. “I don’t like disappointing him.” I’ve done it too much before. “I thought maybe we could just watch a movie in the Deancave but--”

“It wouldn’t be as special.” Cas smiles at him. “I have an idea.” 

Cas banishes everyone from the garage, so Dean actually helps Sam with research for once instead of avoiding it to work on one of the cars. Cas lets Eileen in on whatever his plan is, though, and since he’s is far better at signing than Sam and Dean, they have no clue what’s going on. 

After a dinner of eggplant parmesan (eggplants? Not so bad either, as it turns out, although eating them is always vaguely embarrassing since Claire visited and taught Cas what the eggplant emoji means), Eileen ushers them all into the garage, and Dean’s mouth nearly drops open.

Cas has commandeered the bunker’s projectors and one of their spare sets of sheets, setting both up against one of the walls with Sam’s laptop plugged into the projector, and there are blankets and pillows all over the floor. 

“I also brought snacks,” Cas says. He then drops said snacks when Jack slams into him with a hug. “Eileen helped,” Cas adds, and Jack hugs her, too. 

They settle down to watch the movie--for the first half, Jack sprawls out on his own blanket, getting popcorn everywhere (it occurs to Dean that he's going to end up sweeping the garage later, isn't he?), but halfway through Jack moseys on over to Dean and Cas’ blanket and shoves himself in between them, decidedly not fully cognizant of the fact that he’s also adult-sized. 

Cas moves over anyways to make room, and then Jack steals some of Dean’s popcorn, but Dean can’t find it in himself to complain, not when the kid still looks happier than a damn clam. 

Dean takes a glance over at Sam and Eileen, Sam’s arm wrapped around her and her head on his shoulder, and can’t help but smile. His family is here, and they’re happy and safe. 

Rain, snow, or sunshine, this is all he needs.

[dannyphantom-justiceleauge]

This may be a minor gripe but something that has kind of bothered me about discussions and depictions of Dan is how often people seem to forget that Dan isn't just an older evil Danny, he's a combination of Danny and Vlad's ghost sides. Like people always talk about him like Danny threw away his humanity and turned evil but that's not even true. Sure, we can say that Dan is the result of Danny's action but that's a little unfair. (1/2)

(2/2) Him cheating on a test, coincidentally putting his loved one's in a position where they could be killed, is absolutely not his fault. Letting Vlad take away his ghost powers with a strange contraption might not have been the smartest move, but we are talking about a grieving CHILD here, of course he isn't going to make the best decisions. If anything Vlad's the one to blame here, and even then, it's not like he could predict what happened

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you aren't wrong, my friend. it really isn't entirely danny's fault and the whole 'if you cheat on a test, you'll loose everything you love' moral is confused at best. i think as fandom we find it more interesting to look at danny's potential evil and moral struggle with himself. so simplifying it to be dan is a worse case scenario of danny makes the conflict less abstract.

particularly because when it comes to self blame danny isn't going to go easy on himself just because it was excusable mistakes.

i think another talking point should be how danny is the target of the time assassination more than vlad is, even though vlad is part of the evil whole. you could argue that danny is the catalyst of his friends death and vlad inventing the claw things. but vlad invented the claw things. maybe because his human side survived and acted relatively harmless from then on? or maybe it's because the observants based on the available evidence recognized danny as more of a threat. i think that fits actually, for all vlad tried to be an evil mastermind, his achievements outside of terrorizing a teenager and theft isn't particularly impressive. danny was the one who got shit done. all his fights he finished one way or another and i could see how that would bleed into dan defeating everyone.

the real question is how to we fix this. ideally we could shape this idea so it's less confused, though i do honestly find the dynamic of half danny, half vlad interesting. if for not other reason. than two half ghosts make a whole. actually that's something else to be said about dan. his self-loathing is what led him to killing his human half, another negative aspect coming from danny.

i wonder if we could frame it like fusion, from su. obviously dan isn't stable or healthy, or based on love. he's most comparable to malichite. but with less internal debate. dan took the best and worst of both of them. danny's determination, danny's fighting ability, danny's anger, danny's sarcasm, vlad's anger, vlads lack of morals, vlads schemes, vlad's control. heck, vlads desire to rule the world. i don't think we ever got that from danny.

maybe if vlad was more involved in the fight with dan it could have been used as an opportunity to compare and contrast their characters. to go we're not so different you and i. danny gets to recognize that he has that dark potential. vlad gets to be humbled by the fact that what he wants isn't good for anyone, especially himself. and to be fair, we do see some of that humbling with future vlad, but none of that character growth is given to present vlad, so, really it's just another vehicle for danny angst. it also depends on what you want to do with vlad though. he's a fascinating character and could be given redemption under the right circumstances or be a character who has the opportunity for redemption but chooses not to be redeemed every time.

that fits him and makes him both a more pathetic and despicable villain. it's hard to pity someone who ignores the opportunities to heal and grow.

as for danny, he becomes far more aware of the consequences his actions, especially his selfish and cruel ones can have. because that potential was always there. he has a history of abusing his powers. perhaps for this specific incident him abusing his powers can be something less understandable than almost cheating on a test that he couldn't study for through no fault of his own. (maybe i just have flexible morals?). maybe it could be something more character relevant, like he did something particularly vlad like, maybe he set up a prank at the nasty burger to get dash but it set off the explosion that killed his family. or maybe he did something particularly cruel and manipulative. there are better catalysts than a test. either way he recognized that he should never go that far again and strive to avoid being actively cruel.

he also has the opportunity to recognize that vlad does have a human half, even the one he's fighting everyday. he can face some conflict in it's not entirely clear what trait belongs to vlad and what trait belongs to him. he can empathize with vlad and he can recognize that situations aren't always in black in white. those who fly the highest, fall the hardest, after all.

it can be a growing experience. and while making it solely a danny goes bad and learns not to do evil kind of story. maybe we could cut vlad from the equation and just have danny face himself, full evil refection. i think exploring both vlad and danny through this fusion is far more interesting. especially because we can build on what's revealed about vlad in these episodes, in later ones. danny sees a future where vlad chills and that maybe his vlad could get their. later he see vlads past and what he lost to become who he is.

and then there's vlads turning point episodes. i don't know when motherly instinct took place but maddie fully recognizing he's a bastard and rejection him, was a turning point for his sanity, and danny helped it along. then we have danny rejecting him repeatedly, then we the clone episode, which we can all agree was a desperate move on his part, that danny once again thwarted. and we can all agree that this was the cannon turning point for his character where he stopped fighting for a family and started trying to be danny's villain. in that episode, i think danny could potentially pity vlad enough to try and reach out. he's not going to justify what vlad did and he's not going to apologize for stopping him. he went too far. he hurt danny and dani, he crossed a moral line that can't be justified even with his desperation. but if he changes...

he lost this time but if he changes, maybe they'll reach the point where they're ready to accept him.

i think the same thing could be said about his relationship with jack and maddie. if he changes, if he reaches out. if acts like less of a crazy fruitloop, his friends would be there for him. jack is still trying to be there for him, even if he's being oblivious about vlad's faults. vlads the one driving wedges into his relationships and pushing everyone away.

and that's so freaking human and understandable.it would be such a cool thing to explore with his character.

i could also see a potential arc where after valerie finds out vlad and masters are the same person she tries to get close to him, both to sus out how evil he is and to understand him as a halfa. afterall danny got her to acknowledge dani as human enough, the same would apply to vlad/plasmius, right? only he's a bad person and the more she uncovers about vlad masters the man, the more she realizes it's not the ghost half that's evil. but this is a double edged sword because, vlad is getting attached to her and encouraging her to be more evil. he's encouraging her to go darker and darker in her fight against ghosts and her fight specifically against phantom. to the point where she finally draws the line and says, i'm not doing that! boom exploring the moral ambiguity of her character and getting her to take a hard stance on her morals, because there's a line too far for her.

and boom a further breakdown of vlads character because he finally had someone outside the fentons to redeem him. she could have helped pull him out of the hole he'd been digging himself into. she wanted to help him. he got attached to her, but he and his bad decisions decided to dig himself deeper instead. so once again he's 'abandoned and betrayed'.

from that point, i think it'd be time for him to finally face jack head on. not through manipulative schemes. not through veiled threats and insults. but the full confrontation of 'i always hated you. you ruined my life. you're the reason i lost everything'. which is really just his own self loathing speaking. and jack... empathetic jack can see that vlad desperately wants help. and jack would offer it to him. jack would try to hug it out and apologize and give vlad the love and friendship vlad's been fighting to steal this whole time.

and vlad would reject it.

he'd probably lash out a jack and go into a full breakdown/world destroying attack. could finally put the stolen crown to use and try declaring himself king and embracing his megalomaniac thing and actually be a threat this time. and THAT would be our series finally. everyone teaming up to fight 'king vlad'. danny probably finding out that he's technically king because he beat pariah dark but the matter being a bit confused because he had help. val and danny trying to find the ring of rage or at least find someone who can make one. secrets are out. i imagine vlad, upon revealing himself to jack would out danny to make danny as sad and alone as him. except nope, his family still loves him and val has had the character development to come around to him. (she's still gonna punch danny for lying for so long.) the ghosts will come and help because no one wants another tyrannical kind and vlads obviously off his rocker.

ah, the could have beens

anyway, i didn't mean for this to become a full vlad character analysis and rewrite when we were supposed to be talking about dan, but hey, i'm a simple creature. i like good writing, and i have to rewrite things myself, so be it. - Hestia