#calum my man the heart eyes are so strong here big same

[calumsash]

cashton at the irving show

[heartcal]

“who do you believe?”; l.h.

Disclaimer: i didn’t want to write sierra as a bad person because i personally cannot see that, and i know there’s some discourse about her within in the fandom but i don’t want any of that here! so i named the girlfriend after a girl who bullied me in elementary school lol (but another disclaimer: i do not want to see any hate towards the boys’ s/o! pls don’t send any asks that talks bad about them, i will not answer them!)

thank you for requesting! :^)

a/n: while transfering this from microsoft word, the formatting kept screwing up for some reason so if there are some janky paragraphs, i apologize! not too comfortable with this one compared to my previous fic (this feels rushed) but it is long and i did not mean for that to happen lol. enjoy!

if there are any mistakes, please tell me!

pairing(s): not really a mention of luke hemmings x reader but it’s mostly luke hemmings x named gf (rachel/oc) (gender neutral but if i slipped up, please let me know!)

summary: having known luke for years, it was bound to happen eventually. the crush you developed happened before you could stop it, and you did your best to keep it a secret. you told no one, did your best not to show it, so what do you do when his girlfriend finds out?

genre: angst, and mostly angst >:^)

warnings: swearing, luke’s gf being mean, bullying?

wc: 4,057 (she’s a long one)

my masterlist!

You don’t know when it happened, or frankly how it happened, but one thing is for sure: you don’t want to feel this way.

Was it when he bought you a stuffed animal version of a pet you had as a kid, one that you remember so fondly and still tear up about it to this day? Or was it when he would always bring back a certain candy you can only find in its country of origin, and bring as much as customs would allow? Maybe it was when he printed out every photo he could find from the beginning of your friendship to the present day (at that time) and made a scrapbook for your birthday since you cherish memories?

Whatever memory it was, you want to track it down and destroy it. It wasn’t fair that you developed such strong feelings for your best friend, knowing he doesn’t feel the same since he’s taken.

It’s not that he isn’t attractive – far from that because if anything, you wish you could draw just so you can draw him because there’s no way someone can look that good – but it’s more of the fact that he’s your best friend, someone you hold dear to you.

You two grew up together; saw each other’s worst phases, styles, and embarrassing moments (it was well documented towards the middle of the scrapbook). He was with you when you went through bad break-ups, and you with him. Throughout school, you two were inseparable, and when the band got big he made sure to keep you close and to never lose contact. It was hard in the beginning but you two managed.

Now finished with college, you’ve taken on the role of working with the team when they’re on tour and helping plan aesthetics for the next album. He offered the jobs after you struggled to find a job after graduation, and in the end, you enjoyed being with the guys and doing the tasks needed.

Tonight, the band was set to play their new album to an intimate crowd. It was to welcome back old fans and welcome new fans, introducing both sides to a new sound they worked hard on. You couldn’t be any more proud.

You sat on the couch as the guys walked around the room, pepping themselves up and hyping each other. You had finished doing your tasks with the crew and spent your free time watching the band prepare as the audience began to fill in the theater seats.

A nudge on your arm makes you direct your eyes from Michael styling his hair with a nervous expression to the person on your left.

“What’s up?” you asked, smiling at the curly-haired individual.

Luke shrugs, glancing around the room before his eyes land back on you. He has a small smile on his face as he leans back onto the couch, “Nothing.”

You scoff, shaking your head with a smile, “Yeah, sure, ‘nothing,’” you mimic, tilting your head to the side, “I doubt that.”

“What do you want me to say?”

You give him an incredulous look, crossing your arms as you turn to face him. You can tell he’s nervous, like the rest of the team and the band, but he won’t admit it. He’s always wanted others to view him as strong and unbothered, especially when those around him feel off.

He mirrors your position, a smirk on his lips because he knows you’re about to lecture him.

And he’s right.

“Your band has a new album out in a couple of days—an album you guys have worked hard on even when your management gave you shit, mind you—and you’re about to perform a majority of the songs in front of 500. Are you not nervous?”

He shakes his head, smugly smiling as he returns to his position leaning against the couch, watching Ashton dry the wet ends of his hair.

“Liar,” you mumble, uncrossing your arms and taking your phone out to check the time.

“Alright,” Luke sighs, giving in, “maybe I’m a little nervous, but I’m not a wreck.”

He’s still a liar. The success of their last album was astounding, so creating an album to reach that level and hopefully top it was hard enough. Playing it in front of an intimate crowd who may or may not like it was tough.

Luke isn’t cocky. He’s a humble man, but he likes to joke around in stressful situations. He’s used to concerts, so he doesn’t have any anxiety when it comes to performing. But when he is nervous for any reason, he won’t show it. He’ll act cool, completely collected with his head held high in confidence. If he needs to relieve the stress, he’ll either do it himself with a strong pep talk, or he’ll go to you.

“What are you nervous about?” You ask, wanting to make him feel better.

“Will they like it? Will it even chart? Is it too bold?” he continues listing out his insecurities about the album and the performance, finally lifting everything off his chest.

And you listen. The way his eyes stare into yours with slight confidence, covered by worry makes your heart sore. Luke’s kept everything inside and now that he’s listing his grievances, it makes you wonder just what else you can get out of him that he’s kept buried inside.

However, before you can give him your insight on this particular problem, “Luke!”

His head immediately turns to the door, the worry in his eyes fading out into sheer happiness and adoration. Something you’ve always wanted to see directed towards you.

Luke stands arms wide as he captures his girlfriend in his arms for a hug. Her arms wrap around his waist as his arms go around her shoulders, dipping his head down to kiss her on the head.

“I can’t believe you made it!” you hear him speak with excitement, expressing more words of happiness as he guides her to another part of the room.

You don’t miss the way her eyes glare in your direction, and you’re not afraid to give her a look back.

Rachel was nice when you met her. You actually liked her, despite your crush on Luke, and you were rooting for the two. But, a couple months ago during a stressful week, she turned on you. Her attitude towards you shifted, almost as if you had disrespected her and her bloodline. She would always act as if you weren’t in the room, and when plans were made with the boys, she would “accidentally” leave you out. It was embarrassing for you when you’d find out your friends went out, calling you to find out why you didn’t come. Due to the embarrassment, you would go along with it, making up some excuse as to why you were absent.

None of the boys, to your knowledge at least, have caught on to her antics, and you honestly hope they don’t. Whatever it is you did to her, you want to find out for yourself so you can fix it.

With a sigh, you stand from the couch, stretching your arms briefly before wandering to Calum, who stood in the shower room connected to the dressing room.

“Hey,” you greeted him with a warm smile.

He smiles back, finishing his drink before tossing the plastic cup in the trash. He grabs his bass, which was placed on the counter, and holds it out to you.

“You want me to see if it sounds out of tune?” you jokingly ask.

He nods, “Yeah, I feel like one of the chords might be flat.”

You chuckle as you pluck a random chord. His instruments are always tuned before it’s time to play. One of his pre-show nervous ticks was the constant doubt of his instruments being playable.

“It’s fine, Calum.”

The doubt shows on his face as he brings his guitar back to himself, putting it on and checking the chords himself, but it doesn’t last long as Ashton’s voice calls everyone to the center of the room.

Walking with Calum to where the rest of the crew was, you notice how attached Luke was to Rachel. Joint at the hip, arms wrapped around each other; it was annoying.

“Show starts in ten,” Ashton gains your attention, holding up a cup as Michael hands Calum a similar cup before doing the same to Luke. The three follow the drummer’s action as he continues, “let’s make this show fuckin’ awesome.”

The crew cheers, dying down quickly as Michael gives his thoughts, “We worked our asses off for this album, I don’t have any doubts about it. We got this, guys!”

The cheers resume as those with a drink take a celebratory sip before placing their empty cup on a surface near them.

Calum leaves your side to join Michael while Ashton heads to you.

“You excited?” he asks, putting his right arm around your shoulders with a large smile.

“Yeah!” you return the smile, “What about you? Nervous like the others?”

He shakes his head, crinkling his nose, “I’m not too nervous. I’m just happy to play again.”

You’re about to ask him what song he was the most excited to play, starting to get into the conversation but yet again you are interrupted by Rachel.

“Hey, Ash,” she greets him, Luke following close behind her as his arms make their way back around her shoulders again.

“Hi, Rachel,” Ashton nods his head at her – his eyes dance to Luke briefly before returning to Rachel’s, “didn’t think you’d make it.”

“Couldn’t miss your big show,” she smiles, looking up at her boyfriend as she pats his stomach.

Luke laughs, gently pushing her hand away from him, “I’m surprised, too—“ he grabs the guitar a crew member hands him, left arm lifting itself from Rachel’s shoulder as he slips the strap over his head, “—because her schedule did not look clear enough, but here she is.”

“Three minutes,” a different crew member rushes out, patting Luke and Ashton’s shoulders before rushing to tell the others.

“See you after,” Luke shifts his guitar away from Rachel before leaning down to kiss her on the lips – something you wish you didn’t see – and turning around to head out of the dressing room.

Ashton gives you a quick hug, “Excited for the lights,” he mumbles in your ear before turning to Rachel to give her a side hug.

It doesn’t go unnoticed how Rachel’s eyes glared at you by Ashton, but he doesn’t mention it as he heads out with the other guys towards the stage.

As a majority of the crew follow them out, you stay behind to clean up the empty cups and other trash, trying to occupy yourself as Rachel too stayed behind.

Her eyes followed you as you moved about the room, carrying the small plastic bag with you as it fills up with cups and wrappers. You could feel the glare burning into your side and back as you paid her no mind.

When it was just you two left, the bass from their opening song was heard and felt as you finished picking up the garbage.

“For how long have you liked Luke?”

You froze. Your head whipped towards Rachel, wide-eyed as you glanced around the room to make sure it was just the two of you.

“What…what are you talking about?” You can feel an extreme warmth rising up from the bottom of your back, all the way to your face, nervousness clouding your brain as she stares you down.

“Luke—,” she crosses her arms and moves to the couch, “how long have you liked Luke?”

“I don’t—I,” you stutter, your stomach dropping as you realize you’ve been caught.

His girlfriend knows you like him.

“Cut the bullshit,” she spits, “I can see it. You’ve been friends with him for years, you obviously caught feelings for him.”

You shake your head, standing up straight to give off the illusion of confidence. Turning your back to her and towards the door, “I don’t have to talk to you.”

You opted for walking out of the dressing room and go watch the band from the side of the stage, but you made a quick stop in the bathroom to splash cold water on your face.

You did what you could to avoid her during their performance. You knew she was watching you, seething at how you ended the conversation so fast.

Rachel wanted to break you down, find the reason why you like him and separate you two for as long as it takes to make him fall in love with her. She finds you a problem in their relationship because of how close you and Luke are, because of how long you’ve known each other. A threat to her and her relationship.

An hour and a half later, the show is finished and the whoops and cheers from the crowd indicate the album was very well received. That thought swept the interaction with Rachel from earlier under the rug as the boys’ adrenaline spread throughout the crew.

Ashton was first to greet you, sweaty and ready to envelop you in a hug but you’re quick to avoid it, ducking down just as his arms closed around the space where your head was. He laughs it off, heading for his next victim.

Next was Calum, who grabbed a drink from Andy and gulped it down. He had a smile on his face after, only growing wider when he saw you. “I think they liked it!”

“Bass in tune, huh?” you return, patting his back as he passes you to go to the next person.

Michael is the third, taking off his hat (which made you question why he was so worried about his hairstyle that he spent at least fifteen minutes playing with before the show). He stops in front of you, phone in hand as he takes a picture of the two of you: a tradition he started a few tours ago as a joke.

Finally, Luke makes his way towards you, ready to ramble about the show but is brisked away by Rachel. He doesn’t even glance over at you after he’s taken away towards the hall.

Entering the dressing room where the rest of the boys sat, you saw Michael talking animatedly on the phone, Calum laying across the couch with an arm over his eyes, and Ashton wiping off excess sweat with a towel. He was the first one to notice you.

“Ready for that hug?” he asks as you approach him.

“Why not.”

You hug each other, smiling as you pulled away. In the distance, over the cool-down music, you hear Luke’s laughter in the hall. Knowing he’s with Rachel makes you wonder if she’s told him about her suspicions, and that thought alone makes you clam up all over again.

Ashton immediately notices, tilting his head as he asks you what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” you quickly reply, eyes focusing on him.

He notices how jittery you seem, but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable so he says nothing.

“Guys,” Andy comes in with his camera in hand, “we need to take a few photos.”

The three agree and follow the photographer out. You move to the snack table for a bottle of water, but before you can take a sip, someone clears their throat in the doorway.

You roll your eyes immediately because you know who it is. You don’t pay her any attention and instead take the sip of water you need.

“We need to finish that conversation you oh-so rudely ended,” Rachel moves into the room, keeping her voice down as she crosses her arms.

“We don’t need to finish anything.”

She scoffs, “I asked you a question, and you were so quick to avoid it. I think you’re proving a point.”

“What point?” you turn to look at her, “I know you don’t like me but I don’t know why, can we start with that?”

“Like I said before, I know you like Luke. He’s my boyfriend, and I don’t like how he’s close to you.”

“We grew up together,” you state, standing tall as you glare at her, “of course we’re going to be close.”

“Well I don’t like it,” she huffs.

You shake your head with a sigh, closing the lid to the bottle as you turn your back to her. You were getting angry at the fact that someone who didn’t know Luke as long as you did was hinting that you should stay away from him.

“Stop hanging out with him.”

A curt laugh escapes you before you can stop it, “Are you jealous of our friendship?”

“No,” she smirks, “but I know you’re jealous of our relationship.”

She’s right; you’re only a little jealous of their relationship, but it’s not something you want to risk your friendship with.

You open your mouth to defend yourself, but you’re caught off-guard when nothing comes out. The one opportunity to make her believe you don’t like her boyfriend and you can’t say anything.

Giving up with sinking shoulders, you glance at the door before looking back at her. Grimacing at her knowing smile, “How did you find out?”

She hums, “It was easy. I love him, so I know what it looks like to look at someone you love. You made it so obvious, I’m surprised no one else found out!”

You grit your teeth. You did your damn best to make sure no one, especially Luke or Rachel, know how you feel about him.

“I’m not intimidated by you,” she walks closer to you, arms uncrossing as her hands move to her hips, “but I won’t deny the fact that you and Luke have chemistry.”

“What will it take—” you place the bottle back on the table, “—for you to leave me alone?”

“Do the same to him.”

“What?”

“Leave him alone, unfriend him,” she shrugs, “simple as that.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you walk around her to the door, ready to end the conversation.

“Do that or I’ll tell him,” with a harsh tone she walks towards you, grabbing your arm to stop you from walking.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Okay,” another voice from the doorway makes the two of you jump, “that’s enough.”

Ashton walks into the room, grabbing Rachel’s hand and removing it from your arm.

“W—” she stutters out as she watches the tall man move to stand in front of you.

“I came back for my drumsticks—” his eyes shift to the object sticking out of his bag before dropping down to Rachel, “—but instead I find you, what, threatening a good friend of ours?”

Rachel is speechless while you’re frozen. It was embarrassing enough for one person to find out about your crush on Luke, but now Ashton might know and you want to go into hiding.

“Let it go,” you tug on Ashton’s shirt to get his attention but he doesn’t move.

“Telling someone who’s known your boyfriend longer than your relationship to just abandon him is low, Rachel. Don’t think the way you’ve been treating our friends has gone unnoticed.”

You hear more footsteps approaching the room, and now you wish the ground can swallow you up. You don’t want all this attention on you.

“What’s happening here?” Michael says as he peeks into the room, Luke behind him as Calum leans against the other side of the doorway.

“Nothing—,” Rachel tries to deflect but with four pairs of eyes on her, it becomes too much. Tears start pouring out, and you’re in disbelief.

How can she be the one crying after she was the one who was rude to you?

Luke immediately rushes in, creating a beeline right to her side to wrap her in his arms.

His eyes dart to yours, an emotion on his face of something you’ve never seen, but you know it’s not good.

“What did you do?”

You’re taken back by his tone and the way his angry eyes stare you down. It hurts because instead of staying neutral and finding out what exactly happened, he immediately chose a side: a side of someone he’s known for only for a short amount of time.

“Mate,” Ashton speaks up for you, “I think you’re asking the wrong person that.”

“No,” Luke’s voice raises, eyes moving from yours to stare into his band mate’s, “I’m asking the right person.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, your eyes welling with tears as the weight of everything happening within the last ten minutes starts to bring you down. Your eyes move away from the ones boring into yours, and with a tremble in your voice, “I didn’t do anything. She’s the one who started—.”

“Bullshit!” Luke’s roar cuts you off, “Absolute bullshit, because if she started it, then why is she the only one crying?!”

The two other guys move in to the room to mediate the situation.

“Luke, calm down,” Michael’s hands raise to the motion of ‘calm down’ as he tries to get Luke’s attention.

“There’s gotta be more to the story,” Calum moves to your side, checking on you briefly.

“Don’t,” Luke states as he watches Calum grab your shoulders to move you out of the room.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” Ashton questions. He watches Luke soothingly rub Rachel’s back, wiping her tears with his free hand.

“My girlfriend is crying and you two were the only ones in here,” Luke replies, gently grabbing Rachel’s arms so he can look directly into her eyes, “what happened, babe?”

“I asked them—,” Rachel sniffles, continuing her façade, “—if they needed any help cleaning the room earlier and they yelled at—at me and told me to go away. Then after the show when you guys went for your photos, I came here to apologize to her, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.”

She was selling it; the tears, the sniffling, the stutters, and hiccups. A great actress who knows what she wants.

“That’s not true,” you inhale, your ears feeling warm and ringing, “she has had a problem with me lately and I don’t know why!”

Luke scoffs, shaking his head, wrapping Rachel in his arms again.

“C’mon,” Michael mumbles, wanting to leave the room.

Ashton turns around, watching your face go from pleading to blank as the tears fall from your eyes. He turns his head to face Luke, “You’re unbelievable,” he grabs your shoulders and starts to move you out of the room, “let’s go.”

Michael is already out of the room, the tension too much for him and ruining the after-show vibe. Calum is waiting by the door ready to help lead you out. Ashton has you turned around, pushing you towards the door.

“Wait, Luke,” you mumble, getting out of Ashton’s hold and turning back to face Luke.

He doesn’t look at you, sighing as he rubs Rachel’s head as it’s against his chest.

“Please,” you plead, begging him to look at you and when he does, you ask, “who do you believe?”

“What?”

“Who do you believe, Luke,” you gulp with a sniffle, “me or her?”

For a moment, you think you see hesitation. His jaw tenses as he stares you down, his best friend for years and someone he turned to when times got tough. He then looks down at the girl in his arms, someone he loves crying into his chest.

He sighs again, this time soft, before looking up to meet your eyes. He does notice the tears, the pain etched on your face as his other best friends watch them. “I believe Rachel.”

“This is fucking stupid,” Ashton mutters as he gently grabs your shoulders again to lead you out of the room.

You let the tears fall freely, not meeting any of the boys’ eyes as you kept your head face down.

You’ve lost your best friend. He chose someone else over you, a lie he chose to believe.

Whatever it was that made you catch feelings for your best friend, you wish you can find it and destroy it, along with any other memory you’ve made with him. After tonight, you want him erased from your cherished memories.

---

part two!

[in-superbloom]

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

[calumxkisses]

Yellow | c.h.

pairing: calum hood x reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none

summary: prince!calum au - you're his yellow and he's yours.

a/n: hi! 'm not really good with au imagines but i hope you'll like it. let me know what you think of this imagine. love you!

this imagine its inspired by the song: yellow

✰ ✰ ✰

“Yellow.” A sudden voice makes you jump. You close the book you’re reading as you place a hand on your chest, feeling your heart beating quickly.

The library is huge, the storm lights barely illuminate the room, making it almost impossible to find your way around and read without the help of candles. The smell of old books is strong, there is a lot of dust on the shelves and feeling small near these high shelves make the perfect atmosphere to be able to take refuge from the outside world, from a world made of rules and confined to the land surrounding the property. Your little refuge, however, is interrupted by the presence of this man and you turn around quickly, trying to hide the smile that forms on your face at the sight of the stranger.

Despite the size of the room, the prince appears to be in full control of everything around him. He is standing in front of the door, several meters separate your figure from his, yet you can see the smile he gives you, his hands hidden behind his back and the fine lines near his eyes that underline his amused expression.

“What?” You ask before placing your hand in front of your mouth and widening your eyes. In your mind, a vivid image of your mother scolds you for your language and reminds you that you are no longer a child and that you must be careful when addressing a prince or any other high-ranking social figure.

“I'm sorry for talking to you like that, sir. I'm afraid I don't understand what your 'yellow' refers to.”

Prince Calum laughs briefly before slowly approaching you.

"We've known each other since we were children, we don't need certain formalities."

“My mother says-” you try to justify yourself, but he cuts you off right away.

“Nobody’s here.” He whispers before standing in front of you, keeping some distance to avoid misunderstanding in case someone enters. If it were up to him, there would be no such distance between you, but rules are rules and he would never want to compromise your image.

You look around to make sure no one is spying on you and, sure you are alone with him, you relax your shoulders and jaw, releasing the sigh you were holding back.

“So, yellow?” You ask, smiling, placing the book on the table to your left while you look at the boy, waiting for an answer.

His curly hair is carefully pulled back and the dark circles under his eyes lead you to imagine him sitting at his desk, with a lighted candle next to him and his gaze on the window in front of him, instead of the pages he is holding with his hand, pages he should study in order to become the man his father wants him to be, but that he will never be.

“It was a difficult choice, I will not lie to you. There are so many colors that remind me of you, the red of the dress you wore at your first dance when you entered society, the purple of the vase you broke when you discovered that you have been promised in marriage to an old man or the blue of water of the stream next to the tree where we always go to sit under it. And there are a thousand other colors that I associate to you.”

You smile proudly to hear that he paid attention to every detail and remember how as a child he couldn't even memorize the poems the teachers taught him and the thousand fights you had when you tried in vain to help him learn each verse.

“When I think of you, however, I think back to when you collected Ranunculus repens and put them in your hair, to embellish your hair and feel like the princesses who came to visit us. You always did it and you always took a few more so, when it rained and we couldn't go out, you had your little escort and you could wear them even inside these walls. You always have and if I'm not wrong-”

Calum slowly reaches out his arm towards you, his hand brushes your neck causing you to shiver all over your body, before moving a strand of hair and grabbing something from behind your ear.

“You still wear them.” He whispers, bringing his hand in front of your eyes and showing the small yellow flower you were wearing until a few seconds before.

“They still make me feel like a princess from one of those fairy worlds I read books about.” You whisper, you look down as a sense of shame takes hold in your body. Your heart seems to feel pain as you think back to how you still feel as a child, how you still dream of those fairy tales you hoped you could live one day.

“You're a princess with or without those flowers on, you know it too, you just hope that others see you as you do, too special for a life you don't want to be part of.” He says bringing his fingers under your chin and lifting your face up. His gaze no longer conveys joy and his tone is harsh, an angry expression has taken place on his face.

“Calum..” You try to stop him from speaking that truth you don't want to hear, but his words have broken through your heart and the pain you seemed to feel, now you are definitely feeling. You take a step back, trying to get away from a situation you can't escape from.

“You don't have to do it, you don't have to stay and spend the rest of your life between false smiles and sleepless nights. Your sister will be queen and my father thinks I'm a failure since I was born. Let's run away, me and you. My cottage already has everything we need and I'm sure they will never come looking for us. We will live that fairy tale we imagined for us and we will have the life we ​​always wanted.”

His hand grabs yours and his gaze is on you. You know he's not lying, he told you the love he feels towards you in the dungeons of this same castle and you haven't thought twice before confessing your love to him.

But this castle, these people, is all you have always known.

It’s a world that doesn't belong to you but you can't just leave. There are rules, responsibilities, tasks that you cannot escape.

“It's not that easy, Calum.”

“No, it's not, it's not easy and it won't be. We'll probably end up arguing and you'll regret running away with me. But then you'll think back to all these tight corsets you had to wear, all the formalities you had to comply with and the man you would hold if you have stayed and you will understand that country life is so much better than a life spent in sadness and that that terrible man who made you cry actually loves you madly and just wants what he knows it’s better for you.”

He also grabs the other hand and continues.

“And if you really want to go back, I will be ready to be looked at with scandal by everyone and to take you back to the castle, to face your father and see you held by arms that are not mine.”

You know that it will be hard, but you have never wanted to be a queen. It’s a big responsibility for a girl that just wants to live a fairy tale, that wants to be free in her own terms. You never wanted a kingdom, you never wanted to be property of some old man and certainly you never wanted to spend your existence submitted to someone else’s orders.

You just wanted to be happy, to live your life to the fullest, to love a man who respected you, your dreams, your independence and your passion for flowers and books.

And maybe house cleaning, mud and small rooms will never be like having silk sheets, breakfast prepared by someone else and the floor always clean, but they certainly convey a sense of greater happiness and a life spent in misery and in sadness it’s the dream of those who do not want to fight for what they dream of and are satisfied with mediocrity.

And you don't deserve mediocrity and the guy in front of you knows it well, he sees it in the way you feel uncomfortable during the dances, when your father talks to you about matters you can never take care of because you’re a woman and in the look that you give to your mother when she talks about her marriage, that is only political and not based on love.

You turn to your right, a huge gold mirror near the window reflects the library, the place where you grew up and where you have taken refuge millions of times. You look in the mirror, the diamond earrings reflect the gray of the sky and are too heavy for your ears. Your dress is gorgeous, hand-sewn by the best tailors, yet you don't feel as beautiful as when you wear old, unfashionable clothes and run free for the castle hills, without the fear of getting dirty or ruining expensive dresses.

Your eyes, pupils who love to look at the horizon, are sad, aware that by staying they will not be able to see any wonder. You touch your face, slowly run your hands over your cheeks, over your lips and run your finger over the bridge of your nose, remembering when you were just a little girl and were treated like a normal girl, a girl that loved when her father played with her and touched her nose while making funny noises with his mouth.

Then you look outside. The sky is full of dark clouds, the rain falls incessantly and a few lightning illuminate the afternoon sky. You look at that garden you have walked a thousand times, at all the flowers you have collected and at all the plants you have destroyed while playing with Calum.

You close your eyes thinking about all the places you haven't visited, all the trees you haven't leaned on to read and all the rivers you haven't seen flowing. There is a world out there, you think, that has yet to be discovered. And who are you, if not a woman ready for life's adventures?

“You didn't ask me.” You whisper.

“What?” Calum asks, confused.

“You didn't ask me which color reminds me of you.” You repeat as you slowly turn around to look at him.

A huge smile forms on his face.

“What color do you think when you think of me?”

“When I was ten, one night, I decided to explore the dungeons alone. I wanted to prove to myself that I was able to do anything. I almost made it, I almost managed to face the monster we thought lived in the cells, but then it was all too dark and I ended up going back to my room crying.” You slowly approach him.

“The next night, you showed up in my room with a jar full of fireflies, you gave it to me and whispered "You can do it." I ended up walking through the dungeons with this jar in my hand, you were a few meters behind me to make sure nothing happened to me, but I always knew you were there, even if you tried to hide.”

“I was able to face one of my biggest fears that night. Whatever other problem happened, you were always ready to help me if I needed it, you always supported me, with advice or simply by being close to me, a few steps back to let me free. You were essential in making me grow, while remaining away. Like the stars, who guide the sailors from the sky, they let the sailors do what they believe is right, but they are there to help and guide them if they need it.”

You bring your lips to his ear and whisper: “At midnight, in our place. Don't be late and take the blue carriage, it makes less noise on the street.” You turn around and walk to your room to pack a small bag with all the essentials.

“Wait, you didn't answer my question!” He says turning towards the direction you went.

“You are my yellow, Calum.” You say, you are far away but you know he’s smiling and you smile too.

[highstwildflower]

Fight so dirty 

A/n: don’t know how I feel about this one… feedback is always appreciated🤍

Ashton had been your boyfriend for 2,5 years so you would say that it's been going quite good, of course you have had your ups and downs but nothing out of the ordinary. Lately however he had been very possessive over you! And not to keen on you partying which you enjoyed. Standing in front of the full length mirror you tug at the tight fabric of the red dress you were wearing, you hair falling in loose curls around your shoulders, you looked good and you couldn't wait for your friends to pick you up. Sierra had invited you along to party at Niall Horan's house, you had happily agreed and expected Ashton to tag along with no problem but that had led to a huge fight where Ashton not so kindly had let you know that you had no business planing how he should spend his time off. So you talked yourself into going to the party alone, yeah you were a bit shy but that was nothing which alcohol couldn't change, and a part of you wanted to go so that you could show Ashton that you didn't rely on him.

You held on to the railing as you assented the stairs and your heels clicked with each step boosting your confidence. You know you looked good today, you were feeling yourself and couldn't wait to have a great time with your friends. You yelled out for ash to let him know that you were leaving, as he turned the corner his eyes scanned your body "are you not gonna wear any clothes out Y/N?" You look at him in disbelief, sure your dress was tight, and kinda short, but nothing out of the ordinary for a cocktail dress, you just huffed and grabbed your purse not giving him the power to ruin your night. Sierra honked at you, and gazed you up as you entered the car, a big fake smile across your face, the smile soon turned into a genuine one. At the party bodies where grinding against each other as you walked in, everybody were in a good mood, boosting your own. Sierra, Crystal, Michael, Luke and you all went to get a drink, allowing the bass to make your heartbeat match the beat, the liquid burning in the back of your throat as your threw back a shot with the others. You felt an arm sling across your should and as you looked up a big grin grew upon your face, your best friend Calum was smiling back at you, clearly already buzzed, or maybe he was baked. Either way he pulled you in for a tight hug, as if he knew you need him, he dragged you to the backyard which where filled with people, but more quiet than the house. You guys found a quite place and sat down "heyyy what's wrong babe?" He looked at you with concern written across his face. You chewed on your lips, not believing the words which were about to spill from your lips "I don't know if Ashton makes me happy anymore" you blurted out, clasping a hand over your mouth, the words making you heart twist and your stomach drop "oh don't say that Y/N you guys are meant for each other! " he says, clearly taken back by your confession, before you answer him he asked you "what is the cause of this? " you play with your fingers in your lap "he has just been so weird lately, always picking a fight with me, being possessive and never really loving on me. Even when I left today he was rude" Calum looked at you, taking in the information you just offered him, as he started to speak you cut him off "it's ok cal, let's just party and forget about it, yeah?" Calum was still concerned but he let it pass, pulling you in for a tight embrace before he pulled you towards the large crowd of people. You had danced for hours and you felt tired, ready to go home. You grabbed your phone to see 4 missed calls and 16 texts from Ashton, going from apologetic to angry, and you felt your stomach drop again. You didn't want to party anymore but you honestly couldn't bother to go home just to fight with Ash. You looked around for your friends, but they were all shitfaced and to no help. So you dared to call an Uber, and were now sat on the backseat on your way back to your house.

You unlocked the door to the dark house, expecting to find Ashton sleeping, instead he was awake looking like a mad man " Ashton what are you doing up" you breath out as you stumbled closer to him still intoxicated by the large amount of liquid you had consumed. He looked at you with harsh eyes as he spat at you "how nice of you to come home, did you get enough of fucking Calum?" Your mouth fell open, as you turned your heel not up for another fight with Ash, especially not in your state "don't you fucking dare to walk away fro me" Ashton warned as you climbed the stairs going straight to your bathroom getting ready for some much needed sleep. He stormed in looking at you as you removed your makeup, a look of disbelief crossing his face "are you not even going to deny sleeping around with my best mate!" He asked you, more of an exclamation than a question, you turned around looking at him as tears burned in your eyes your voice came out weaker than intended " whats the point? Of course i didn't sleep with him, but you know that, and I don't care to fight with you right now Ashton, I'm just over this." He crooked his head as anger now flashed in his beautiful face "The photos says something else Y/N! And if you don't care why the fuck are you here than, huh?!" You didn't know what to say, because that had been the same question you had asked yourself earlier. You just looked at him with dull eyes, leaning in and giving him a soft peak on the cheek before turning to walk away. You threw yourself on the guest bed needing a break.

The sun danced through the window waking you from your sleep, you groaned as your headache set in and you remember last nights events. You knew the morning would be tough, you would have to have yet another fight with Ash and yet another fight within yourself, do you want to stay?

The floor creaks beneath your feet's as you tiptoe to your shared bedroom, Ashton laying splashed across the bed, curls spread around his head, and his strong torso on display as the sheet pools at his hips, your heart ache as you take in the view. It's like you are seeing him for the first time in a while, the man you love more than life itself, him you want to marry, and you still want it all with him. With a small smile you cross the room, sitting beside Ash, you take his hand in yours and plays a bit with his rough hands “ I love you ash, I wish you believed me" you whispered, you felt him tense up besides you and you slowly turned your head to look at him, he smiled dimples popping at you, and you swear everything felt perfect for just a second. A loud laugh erupted as he pulled you to him and coved you with his whole body, he looked down at you with more love than ever before and you felt ashamed that you had ever even considered leaving him. "Hi baby, what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He asked you, his voice soft as butter as if it would break the moment, you brought your hands to his hair tugging slightly at it "I missed you, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't love you, but you also haven't been the best partner lately" you let the words out that you had been holding back, he dropped his head to your neck pressing a soft kiss to the skin there, his voice broke the silence "I've missed you too love, and you have nothing to be sorry about, I've been a dick to you baby. You know, I've been struggling a lot lately, I've seen so many fan accounts shipping you and Cal, and than when I saw the photos last night it just made sense, I mean you can do so much better than me" you furrowed your brows and pushed Ashton slightly away, a few tears falling from your eyes, had you really been so self observed that you haven't noticed how much ash was suffering? "What photos?" You asked instead, and he reached across the bed retrieving his phone. Ashton went to Twitter and showed the photo from the party, of you pressed against Calum chest and than some photos of you two in a deep conversation and you had to give it to him it did look like you and calum were flirting. "I'm sorry ash, I can see why these photos would concern you, I promise it was nothin" he cut you off " I know baby, Calum told me last night, I assumed that you told him about our situation" he looked at you with a small smile as you nodded. Everything felt alright as he laid back on his back, pulling you to his chest his lips never failing to connect with the side of your head. The rest of the day consist of Ashton loving on you and showing you how much he really loves you

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Or maybe something about picking out a dog with calum. You've been wanting to get a dog and you finally can. You know how soft Cal is for all dogs

Hope you enjoy!

Take a gander at my masterlist!

___________________________

The Dog Days

“That’s it. I’m either stealing Duke, adopting a dog myself, or stealing Duke and adopting another dog as well.”

Calum squawks, jaw falling open and he shuffles into the living room from the kitchen. This cup of tea is momentarily forgotten. “No!” he half yells, scoping Duke up from your arms. Though, to be fair, Calum knows that Duke’s not a people person and seeing Duke actively choose to settle onto your chest lets him know that if anything were to happen, and with the tour constantly pulling him away, that Duke is in good hands left with you. 

However, that doesn’t mean he’d give up his old man without a fight. He kisses at the top of Duke’s head, noting that it’s definitely time for a bath. “You can’t steal him from me. I’m his pops.”

You haven’t moved from your stretched out position on the couch. Only raising your arms back for the dog again. “I love him. But I would never actually do that to you. You’d be crushed.”

Calum raises one eyebrow, studying over your face to see how serious you are. “We can visit some shelters together, if you’re sure you want to adopt a dog.” 

“I might’ve dropped by one shelter already just to get information.”

“Next Thursday good for you?” Calum returns Duke to you. You nod, arms winding around Duke’s fluffy coat and small body. Calum slowly heads back to the kitchen, throwing glances over his shoulders every couple of steps. You sit up, Duke secure in your arms. “Oi! Don’t,” he warns, stretching out the last couple of feet to capture the pink mug from the counter. 

You wait for him to almost be fully erect before bolting into the music room. Duke is still in your arms. “I told you not too!” Calum bellows, setting the mug down onto the kitchen table and running after you. 

Your laughter trails behind you. You glance back just for a second to see Calum slipping just a tad as he rounds the corner for the hallway. Duke barks a little in your ear. Mostly confused but tittering on the edge of excitement in his tone. Once in the music room, still huffing your laughter, you gently lower Duke to the couch. 

When Calum enters the room, he spies his old man safe and sound. His chest is puffing beneath the tank. “You’re gonna give him a heartache,” he laughs, wrapping his arms around your waist. 

He hoists and up you go, laughing as you lightly struggle in his strong hold. “Duke or you? Because I think it’s you.”

“You’re such a smartass,” he laughs, letting you slip back down to the ground. “Next Thursday right?”

“Next Thursday.”

Inside the front lobby of the shelter, you can faintly hear the small yips from the other side. Calum left Duke at home making it just the two of you as you follow the worker behind the gate door and into the kennel area. Dogs are standing at attention, poking their noses through the gates, the nails of their paws clinking at the tap at the metal cages. 

“They’re all so cute, Cal. How am I supposed to choose?” 

He takes in the lower lip that’s rolled out and your eyes that are starting to mist. You’ve mentioned for a while that your new place is just too empty without your childhood pet sauntering about. Calum wouldn’t miss this moment for the world, knowing the idea of adopting your own dog has been toying heavily in your mind. His arm comes up around your shoulder. “They are. But you’ll know which one is the one for you.”

Calum points out a small pup, very energetic as they jump up on the fencing of the kennel. They’re cute for sure with the spots littering their body but the energy level proves more than you might be able to handle. “Oh, c’mon, you know you’re always ready to bounce off the walls,” he teases. 

You watch him, just for a quick moment as he turns his attention back to the small pup, giggling as the dog attempts to paw at his finger. His smile is bright. More so than you’ve seen in the last few days. “Think you’ll ever adopt another dog?” you ask. 

“Maybe. Not right now though.” He readjust the hat on his head before turning back to face you. “I don’t know why you looking at me. I’m not an animal up for adoption.” 

“You ought to be though,” you tease and he fakes offense, jaw dropping and a hand covering his chest. There are only giggles as you head deeper into the maze of the shelter. 

After seeing about four puppies, you decide to give it a rest for the day. There was a cute corgi mix. You teased Calum that he only gravitated towards the small dog because of his resemblance to Duke. Calum vehemently denied the claim but the smile on his face and the light he radiated in the photo you took says otherwise. You were almost suckered into a mutt in the back. A puppy and a little yappy but it just wasn’t there. The other two puppies came from the same litter and though they approached you, they seem more interested in the bright laces of your shoes. 

“I’m never going to find a dog,” you huff, eyes racking over the kennels. It breaks your heart. They’re all good animals. There’s no debating that, but you were relying on that gut feeling, that spark that Calum talked about when he ran across Duke. 

“You can always come back another time,” he states, sliding up next to you. He had become preoccupied by a german shepherd, about two if he had to guess. They approached the front of the gate and if Calum hadn’t walked away, he would’ve been walking out of the shelter with another dog in toy. 

One of the workers comes by, a smaller dog at their side. They’re coat is shaggy, but full brown, and they have floppy ears. As they settle back into their kennel, they glance up. You can tell by the slightly gray around their snout they’re a little older. They take a small step forward and the worker laughs, nudging them back in. “Who’s this little fella?” you ask, intrigued by their big eyes. They look a little sad, but it looks like it’s mostly come with age. 

“Tucker. Been around the block for a little bit.”

As you approach, you spy the way their tail starts to wag. “Hey, Tucker,” you coo, reaching out with your hand, palm up for them to sniff. You’re used to the cold snout when it touches. You laugh, reaching up to pet the top of their head. They seem calm about it all, but definitely excited about your presence. 

“I’m shocked. Tucker’s a little finicky with people,” the worker laughs. “Care to hang out with him?”

“Please,” Calum returns, watching you completely taken by the dog. 

With the dog tucked into your arms, you settle outside for a bit. You find his favorite toy is a blue rubber ball with a squeaker in the middle of it. So as he clamps down on it, it wheezes. His ears flop behind him as he runs and you know that you have to take the dog home. You absolutely have too. There would be no right way for this turn out if you left the man behind. 

As you fill out the appropriate forms, you keep one hand a steady scratch over Tucker’s head. His body is pressed into your thighs, like he can’t get close enough. Calum laughs, attempting to seduce the dog away with his toy but failing. “He’s obsessed with you already.” 

Tucker’s about 4. Has been in the shelter on and off, bouncing between homes. They note that he’s not great with kids but you know for the stretch of time in front of you kids aren’t a huge issue of yours. Besides the bad history with neglect, the dog still seems to be good with people. The workers note that Tucker’s always been okay with strangers, but to give him some time before introducing him to friends and family. 

As you look down to the dog, now resting on their back tummy in full display, you can only grin. “This does not mean that I won’t threaten to steal Duke.”

“Leave my old man out of this.” Calum’s turned his head back towards the gate, where just beyond he knows the younger dog is still situated. You can see the slight sadness turning down his eyes. 

“Still thinking about them?”

“Yeah. She hadn’t grown into her ears just yet. She even approached me.” He looks back at you, his lip now the one rolled out. Duke’s still not great around other dogs and bringing home another dog isn’t ideal right now. 

“Oh my god, let me sign this before you walk out of here with another dog.”

He can only laugh, the sadness dissipating with ease over his face. He settles for giving Tucker a tummy scratch. “It’s okay. I can come over to your place and threaten to steal your dog now. Isn’t that right, Tucker?” he coos, voice softening just a tad as he watches the dog turn over and curl up on your arm. 

-H

[makeupbychio]

goodnight n go // C.H

pairing : Calum Hood x Reader.

summary : you are a famous pop singer and one normal night in your life Calum literally came to change everything.

words : 8.5k

warnings : fluff, angst and swearing.

a/n : hi babies, so I tried to do this gender neutral because I’m trying to write things for everyone without specifying gender, sexuality, physical appearance, etc. Feedback is more than welcome. Credits to the owner of the photo, and the Instagram posts.

italics means song lyrics.

bold means posts on social media.

inspired by : that one second laugh Ariana Grande does in ‘everytime’ studio version and ‘goodnight n go’ live version. And these videos (links down below in the blurb)

You are a pop star, already part of the pop culture, on tons of playlists made by platforms. So your life is always on the public eye even when you don’t post in your social media the paparazzis and social accounts always doing that for you. It wasn’t like that at the beginning, the world barely knew your name, your shows were for 50 in the room, then 100, then 1000, now a whole arena and with two dates in some cities. You have learned how to deal with the dizzy things of being famous thanks to your fans, family, friends and your own power so at the end of the day you would not change leaving your heart on stage singing and dancing every night at all even when you know that it is crazy, yeah, it is crazy there outside. How people that you don’t know tells you how you changed their lives with your music, how you saved them, tattoos in their bodies inspired by your lyrics and style.

It is been crazier lately. You write your songs inspired by your own experiences or your loved ones experiences. You just finished a tour and after a good break for a whole season you are back writing and planning a new album. You were writing a song based on a reckless love but the song couldn’t make it to the previous album because you never finish it and you didn’t want it as an interlude. But you restart it because life slapped you in the face because 3 months ago you broke up with your partner. You are laying on bed looking at some pictures of you two together walking on the streets taken by paps. The light of the screen lighting your face. And god, how you didn’t realize tons of things?, in every picture you are looking at your ex like a fool completely in love but people could not say the same coming from the other person. You were in love, your ex really loved you at first but the last months of the relationship barely paid attention to you. That is when you remembered one of your fights.

“I waited for you for almost two hours! You could at least answered my messages or you could call me! So I would leave the restaurant and don’t waste my time on you” you said loudly pointing at its face when you came back home and acting like nothing happened. You were furious.

“I know, sorry I’m tired I spend the whole day with my friend I didn’t see him in a while” your ex sighed laying on your bed. “Don’t wanna argue”.

“I don’t care about your friend! You could tell him to hang out another day. It was a special day for us you asshole” you said giving an angry look and leaving the room.

It was supposed to be a special day that day. You were back from your South America leg of the tour and you received the notice of awards nominations so you decided to celebrate by having dinner and then go to the movies together. But your ex didn’t show up, and it wasn’t the first time. You just asked for simple things like going to the beach or just receive love. So even you were angry, you came back to their arms every time.

You thought that then a good fuck or a pretty face would fixed everything, but no. Your naive head at that moment thought that things were going to change, or that your lover was the love of your life.

Now you are looking at the last picture of you two that was seen together walking out a store and even bugs can notice how disillusioned your expression and body language are in that photo. You are hanging by their arms but looking at the floor with your head down. The other person also was trying to hide it with a cap and focused on the road.

‘Oh God’ you sigh at the picture knowing how ridiculous you looked. You lock your phone and throw it to your side of the huge bed now empty the other side. You are sitting with your legs crossed in your bed looking outside your window. It is late in the night so the city lights are your view and it reminds you that night when you called your best friend to tell her about you were thinking to end your relationship. She is always been supportive with you and every time you were going to make your decision you postpone it till finally it happened. You remembered that you cried a lot that night you saw them leaving your apartment and hours later you were still crying listening to sad music with your best friend looking at the roof. 

Now you decide to restart the song you left half done. Your dog joined you in bed, you went for a cup of hot chocolate and you start writing it.

+

The next day early in the morning you are in your way to the studio once you are ready with your makeup trying to hide your tiredness that you wrote till 3 am and put your studio outfit which consists on a big hoodie so big that the sleeves are always covering your hands but comfiness is first.

Your band and crew arrived and you have your coffee. Even when it is a sad song coming from your experience you want to put energy in this one like one of those nights you fought, how your blood was running in your veins and how deeply you knew that your relation was pointless but you were going to fall every time. The energy being aware of that but at the same time an energy by saying I’m done, I get over you but I know that I was a fool for you but not anymore. 

You explain that to everyone when all of you are thinking about the melody and beats. Most of the people in the room insist and show you a sad melody and you are starting to get frustrated because they are not listening to you and your idea you are looking for. 

You decided to move on on another two songs that you have complete. During breaks to eat something, drink water, go to the next studio and say hi to people that you know and fooling around with your own crew now it is dark outside and you are thinking to call it a wrap for today but the urge to at least figure it out the musicality of the song you wrote last night it is bigger.

But all of you are tired and ran out of ideas and your manager enters the soundproof box to tell you that the room is reserved for another artist from midnight till dawn. So you have 3 hours left to record this song or try again another day.

When you are talking to your favorite producer, who also is your friend, a tall man enters the room with headphones and the music too loud for not noticing the room full of people. When he saw the big group of people he freezes and apologies already leaving when you stop him recognizing him.

“Calum?” you said getting up from your seat in front of all the buttons of the huge synthesizer.

“Y/N?” he asks checking if this is real.

You nod at him and hug him because it is been a while, almost 2 years without seeing him. He is so happy to see you, the last time you were together was in an awards after party and you know him since 4 years ago when you met him and his band on an awards show that you presented his band and their performance and you saw it from the corners of the stage and waited to congratulated them because you are respectful with others musicians work, they asked for a picture and after that you have been friends but your busy life didn’t let you hang out with them but always exchanging likes, comments or messages on the dms on social media. 

“Omg how are you?” he asks you while he hugs you with his strong arms the height difference is notorious so he lays his right cheek on top of your head. He knows about your love situation, but to be honest he was not sad about that. Not at all. But he is not going to take advantage of that.

“Fine and you? Omg I miss you so much, what are you doing here alone?” you say to him confused not seeing all the 5sos boys.

“We are recording our new album and the guys should be here” he says checking the hour on his watch and then quickly his phone if there is a message.

“Finally new 5sos music!” you say and laugh.

“Yeah, we don’t have the ability like you to drop music every year.” he teases you.

“Hey!” you punch him softly on his ribs. “First things first, you can do that too if you want to drop music and second, actually right now I’m struggling with a song” you explain to him all of your situation when his phone rings. Ashton is on the other side of the line.

“Cal, we said at midnight!” Ashton said.

“Oh crap, I don’t know why I understood it was at 9 pm...K’...Bye, see ya’” Calum answers to his friend before hanging out the call.

He explains to you the situation even when you listened to what Ashton said. Calum tells you that it was nice to see you but he should be back at midnight but you stop him letting him know if he wants he can stay.

“Are you sure?” he asks knowing that maybe that could bother your crew.

“Of course Cal!” you say. And even when his house it is like 20 minutes away by driving he could come back when it is his band’s turn to use the studio but to be honest again he would really love to hang out a while with you. He always finds you attractive and your voice is one of the most angelical for him.

After he greeted the rest of the group he sits close to you listening your conversation with your producer.

“What if you add little adlibs and drums?” Calum suggests but he regrets if the producer would get angry. “Sorry man, I know it is your work and I am just a guest and-” 

“It is okay! Actually that is a good idea dude” your producer say asking Calum to show him what he said.

Calum and you enters the box and he sits to play the drums.

“Ashton is teaching me a little bit now that we are roommates” he jokes about it while taking the drumsticks.

“I saw that joke you did to Ashton! It was hilarious and his response” you point at him.

So you and Calum organized that he would play something in the drums first and then you start singing or reading the lyrics to catch the rhythm. He shows you a freestyle moment with the drums since he’s been doing that in his house to practice. The producer in the other side of the glass tells you from the speaker that there is a beat that maybe could fit. So once back again listening to beats ideas ordering to make that beat faster or slower, louder or pronounced then your band is working with the guitar, bass, keyboard and your drummer continues what Calum started and last but not least you are thinking where to sing it with high notes that it is your biggest characteristic.

All the people in the room are tired, your manager and part of your crew left early because they have meetings for some upcoming festivals to schedule. You let your band know that is the last effort of this week then you’ll be back again the next one rehearsing for an awards performance.

Calum now is in the other side of the glass next to the producer watching and listening all of this process of making this record. He is having fun and he realizes he could hear to your voice all night. It takes a lot of takes, to the final result of a song and Calum knows that perfectly.

You want to achieve the highest note of the song in the last chorus of the song in the last line. You should have record that first because it is getting hard for you to reach with a tired vocal cords after doing the rest of the song and the ad libs. You sigh frustrated at another failure of that last chorus.

“Y/N, should we call it a wrap for today?” your producer asks you softly. To be honest, you don’t want it after all of the work behind to finally get this song built.

“Excuse me” Calum says confident to the producer to take control of the speaker. “Y/N, listen to me, this is the last effort I know that ya’ can do this… You got this” he says looking at you directly in the eye. You nod and take a deep breath to try again and ‘he was right’ you thought to yourself when you freaking nailed it not just one high note, you reached it also the lines of the outro of the song.

Once you open your eyes when you keep singing with not that much power the last line. You laugh hiding your smile with the sleeve of your hoodie because the first thing you see is Calum stunned with his arms crossed on his chest and one hand full of rings lifted to cover his mouth. You start clapping to your band and say through your microphone ‘thank you’ to the rest of the people.

“Girl, you fuckin’ blew my mind” he says so excited mimicking what he said once you left the recording side of the room.

Minutes later everyone is saying goodbye to you and once again you thanked everyone for their job and energy as always and telling your producer to call you to edit the song other day. 

Now you are alone with Calum while you start packing your things. “Magic” you say looking at the clock with 15 minutes in your favor.

You use that time catching up on general things, like music, family, next awards, and a little bit of gossiping and of course asking about the rest of the boys.

“So happy for you guys, I can see that you are happy with this new era” you say after listening to Calum talking so passionate about what he and his band are doing. “I want to wait for the guys because I miss them. Do you think Michael is still in love with me?” you joke about it in a friendly way since Michael told you you were his crush, so he always reacts so excited and weird with you.

“No, he can’t react like he used to”. Calum laughs and you understood because you congratulated Michael on his engagement.

Minutes later, the boys and the rest of the crew arrived making noise with a lot of energy as always ready for a recording night but at the end they are always laying on the floor waiting for the team to call it a wrap.

“You gotta be kidding me!” Luke says running to hug you by lifting you because he is so tall and he missed you so much. You laugh and hold him tight. You say hi to the rest of the boys and you look at Calum next to you when you both noticed Michael is trying to act serious and cool around you when later he is going to ask Calum "Did Y/N said something about me?".

After a couple of minutes talking to the boys catching up about life, their crew called them to start the session so you have to say goodbye.

"Thanks again Cal, you saved my life today" you say goodbye to him with a kiss on the cheek and then the same with the rest. "K' guys bye, hope you have a good night".

You are stepping into your car when Calum calls you running behind you. "Y/N! before you leave, I lost all of my contacts when Ashton threw my phone into a pool…" you laugh at how they always been like that. "So if you can give me your number again if one day you want to hang out with me- with us".

You both exchange numbers and say goodbye.

+

Your producer laughs hearing that take where you stop singing and take a second to laugh at Calum’s face. “You want to put the laugh in the song too?”

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8EMIEPCF5y/

You don’t know if it was a joke or a serious question. You think for a minute at how frustrated you were that night with your team trying to build this song and thankfully Calum was there to help and give his opinion, also that laugh confirms how this song is not sad at all even when people were saying to you that it should be because of your breakup.

“Yeah” you answer and think about that little good time hanging out with Calum. You record a short video of that laugh that is going to be in the song, letting know your fans that you are in the studio pointing with your phone at the computer. 

Your stories on Instagram are always like a puzzle to your fans, like what does this means? what is this? when? where? new song? album? tour? collab? video?. Most of the times you add emojis, letters, or numbers that are meaningful to decipher the message and also to tease.

+

“Hello?... Calum? Can you hear me?” you say through the phone.

“Y/N? Hi! Yes, I can…” he answers leaving the room. “Sorry, I was so into playing my bass, we are writing a new song”.

“Oh sorry, if you are busy I can call you later-” you say softly and gentle.

“No no no. Ehmm, how are you? Tell me” he say surprised that you actually call him. He is giving you all of his attention listening to you.

“I’m fine and you? I’m calling you because we finished the song and I would like to know if you want to appear in the track info, cause’ ya’ know… you helped with the drums and other stuff” you wait for his answer, you are nervous of his response. Why? You have done this all the time with other collabs, ‘maybe because he is so intimidating but at the same time the cutest’ you think to yourself.

In the other side of the call, he is surprised and also he finds this so cute from you because he thinks that he barely contributed. “Ehhm, yes- I mean if you are okay with this I’m okay too”.

+

@MTV: Biggest return of Y/N!, who just announced a new single and a new collaboration TONIGHT!, a new album, and a performance for the VMAS. *internal screams*.

@MTV: Don’t forget to watch the VMAS this Sunday at 8 pm, amazing performances by Y/N, 5 Seconds Of Summer, Halsey, Rosalía, Bad Bunny, Doja Cat, Cashmere Cat and Missy Elliott winner of the Vanguard Award and more! with surprises of course, as always.

+

@y/n.updates: Genius.com has revealed the lyrics of the new singles! “everytime” and “quit”, the last one is from the dj Cashmere Cat’s album. We are so excited for our baby's return.

@bbcradio1: A friendship you didn’t know you needed until now… Calum Hood from 5sos appears in the track info of Y/N’s new single. Is Y/N going to appear in the upcoming 5sos album too? let’s pray to the universe.

+

“Of course last but not least to arrive the red carpet is the royalty in person, Y/N” the interviewer comments watching you posing to all of the cameras. “I am loving this moment. Y/N is here to slay the red carpet and taking pictures with every artist throwing kisses to friends like to 5sos, ugh lucky boys, now saying hi to Normani, we love that”.

“Yeah, I’m smelling big succes coming this year and Y/N totally deserves it” the other interviewer says. “Oh. My. Goddess… Can we take a moment to appreciate this outfit?!”. You arrive and say hi to everyone. After a couple of questions and compliments you are walking with your team to go backstage to change for your performance.

Once the Teen Wolf cast introduced your performance, everything went dark and silence and you appear in a large lavender satin dress, perfect to build up your figure and Cashmere Cat appears on a platform with his dj set and lights pointing at you and him.

“And you say that I'm the devil you know

And I don't disagree, no, I don't see the harm

They say, "You crazy, just leave him, he'll suffocate you"

But I wanna be in your arms

They say, "No, don't pick up the phone, let him think there's nobody home"

But I'm under your spell

'Cause when you call, my heart starts to roll

I always want more

It's my heaven, my hell…”

Then two contemporary dancers are next to you dancing at what the lyrics means to you when you recorded this with Cashmere Cat in the studio after your breakup. At the chorus a fake rain starts in the stage and you have your moment feeling amazing and feeling the beat that your dj friend was playing behind you. You participate too in the choreo while you sing the last part of the song. Singing to both dancers faces like if you are watching from outside when you decided to step out your relation. So each dancer goes to their own way representing the metaphor.

Then a new different beat went off for a little moment and you start singing a snippet of one of your new songs of your upcoming album hoping to make everyone clear how you are after your breakup because you still hear some comments about it.

“I got a bad idea, How 'bout we take a little bit of time away?

I got a bad idea

Forget about it, yeah, forget about him, yeah”.

The next thing you see is everyone standing up and clapping at you. You hug Cashmere Cat. “Thank you, please give it up for my friend Cashmere Cat!”

You stay not that much to the after party because tomorrow you have to get up early for a photoshoot.

+

You post videos behind the scenes and the photos of the photoshoot. You are in the front page and you did something original playing with makeup, hairstyles and clothes. Everyone is living for this new era.

“Ugh, are you going to do that call or should I do it for you?” Ashton interrupts Calum and his daydreaming watching your latest posts.

“What?” Calum answers confused wrinkling his nose and expressions.

“You heard me”. Ashton says letting know his friend that he is not stupid. “I noticed how you look at Y/N that night performing and then at the after party...And don’t excuse yourself because of the angelic voice because I know I was mesmerized too but you were on another level”.

Calum doesn’t add anything else and stands up to continue writing the new song but not without leaving a comment on one of your posts ‘gorg!’.

+

“Hello beautiful human, it is Y/N back in the studio!” Zach says through his microphone. Everyone clap and he greets you. Even the promo you have to do for your singles, albums and all that stuff you are so picky with the interviews you want to do because in the past you had a lot of uncomfortable ones with disrespectful questions and interviewers. It is not the case with Zach, you feel at home and he is your friend.

As always you talked about your new music, upcoming things, opinions about something, your personal life and you are so honest talking on Zach’s show because he always asks you about how are you doing because he knows that everyone struggles.

“So the whole tracklist it is on genius.com and I think that it is safe to say that I’m not the only one surprised with the collabs and people who helped you.” Zach says reading a paper checking the new revelation. “I would like to know details how it is to work with such talented artists and producers”.

You told him the details and including how Calum ended in your studio session that night.

“Thank God I recognized him because my bodyguard was ready to punch him” you make Zach laughs.

+

Calum saw your interview and after that he called you. He didn’t know what kind of confidence took him to invite you to hang out tomorrow.

That day you went with him and Ashton and Luke to the Star Wars theme park. The guys insisted that Calum must have gone alone that day but he was too nervous. Other day you and the guys went to bowling, Michael was losing all the fun because his new life as fiancé planning the wedding.

That’s how you got the chance to know more about them every single time you hang out. Paparazzis always were there and people talking about this cool friendship. But then Calum had the balls to ask you on a date. For your surprise he invited you to a The 1975 concert, then you invited him to a Post Malone concert, you went to the movies, then late nights stops at diners. And as the bond between you two was growing with so much love, affection, confidence, honesty and how safe you feel next to him you didn’t realize that you were holding his hand or arm so natural like it was a thing you two always do. That little thing was enough for people to start rumors. Calum likes you so much but he wanted to take things slow because of you and him after you told him everything about your ex and he did the same. His ex used him just for fame and to be in the public eye so with little details when you noticed he was doubting about his own self or anything else, you let him know that everything is okay.

+

One and a half month later, you are with him at your place in your home studio after you order vegan pizza for dinner that Calum was right that it is delicious. You were helping each other, mostly him with ideas of sets to perform Want You Back and Youngblood on tv shows. Then you showed him the final version of ‘everytime’ and he loves that you included the laugh in the song which reminds him of something. 

“I want to show you something” Calum says searching something on his phone gallery. 

“Found it” he says getting his chair closer to yours. It is a video that he secretly recorded of that day in the studio, when you finally hit the high notes of the song. In the video you can hear how he says ‘wow” multiple times and your producer is not surprised but still in awe. Then there is your laugh when you saw Calum’s face and when the song ends you can hear his ‘what the fu-” and the video ended.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8O76_nC3Q5/

“Why you didn’t show me this before?” you say with giggles at how incredible you have the two sides of that moment.

“First, don’t worry because I’m never going to show this to anyone I know that I should ask you before and-” he is explaining himself.

“Can I kiss you?” you interrupts looking at him noticing a sparkly surprise on his eyes.

He leans so fast to kiss you, you take your moment to taste his lips after all this time you can confirm what you think about his lips. You break the kiss needing air. “You didn’t answer my question”. 

He laughs at your teasing while you bit your lip. “You’re right, I didn’t”. He holds your face within his hands and start kissing every part of your face while he says “Yes” in every little kiss.

Things got hot and heavy so you move the make out session to your room. Both of you don’t want that the other person feel pressure to do things but with you Calum forgot his “love is scam” thing. So he carries you and takes his time to make every moment, kiss, thrust and this night to last. He thinks that he is the only one that kinda feels strange at this amount with affection and intimacy but the truth is that you were feeling the same way, because with him you don’t feel a clingy or a needy person as you were in your last relationship. With Calum is different in a good way.

+

“So you didn’t come home last night” Ashton says to Calum when he arrived for lunch time, because he had breakfast twice today with you.

“Ew! I didn’t want to know that Cal” Ashton says while cutting vegetables for lunch. “Thank God you are together, it took you forever. To be honest, I thought Y/N was going to get bored of waiting”. 

+

Another night at your place when Calum surprised you with a romantic dinner and also apologizing for the other night when at his place Ashton interrupts you two.

In the middle of the night you woke up with an idea stuck in your head, you took your underwear and Calum’s baggy shirt he was wearing and before you stood up you melted at the sight of your dog sleeping closely to Calum, who at first hated him but now they look like besties.

After an hour in your studio with this new idea, you had the lyrics and already recording with a beat which two of your best friends made once in a party just fooling. The studio is soundproof and in another level of your house so the music is not going to wake up Calum, but the coldness he felt next to him makes him wonder the reason that woke you up.

And when he found where you are and what are you doing he reminds to himself that in this exact moment he feels so much love for you.

“That sounds beautiful babe” he said getting closer to you to kiss your cheek.

You are editing all focused this song to send it to your producer to do the final touches. “I didn’t want to wake you up” you lift your head to look at him with a pout and noticing he is shirtless and he looks tired from what you did hours earlier. He asked you details about this song called ‘goodnight n go’, he listened to it and once again all of his feelings manifest in a studio. “I love you” he confessed when the song ends. The feeling is mutual and the idea of this song came up all based in your relation you have with him.

+

@Y/N: new album. valentine’s day. love y’all xoxo. 

You posted with the cover of your new album.

+

“There is a lot of people downstairs” your manager said arriving the room, you were waiting for your manager for the first toast of the night. It is your album’s launch party and you want to celebrate with your team, your band and their loved ones. Your family, your friends, artists of the industry, and other famous people.

You made a speech about how grateful you are for everyone in the room for their patience, for the love and support for you and this new project. Before you start to get emotional, you said to everyone to have fun tonight and you thanked again. 

You rented a whole club for the night. After eating, cut the cake and having a few glasses of champagne you are ready to take pictures in the photo booth with everyone.

Your close loved ones of course know about you and Cal, but the other half of the people in the room just know the rumors and the pictures from paparazzis and fans. When you were taking funny pictures with other musicians, it is iconic that in the photo is going to appear artist from different genres of music that are your friends. Calum really wants a picture with you and just you even when he loved the ones with the boys and your friends.

“I’m ready” Calum said to you when you are pointing at the printed photo because Luke’s gold eyeshadow looks freaking amazing.

“Ready for what?” you looked at him confused.

“Ready to announce the world that we are together” he said biting his lower lip waiting for your reaction. He told you a few weeks before that he was afraid and he didn’t know how to handle at that moment if you said you were together, so you told him that it is okay and understood him.

“Like now?! What you have in mind?” you asked him nervous because you both know what comes next with this kind of announcements. 

Calum just took your hand and enter just with you inside the photo booth and when the countdown started he looks at you with a smirk and sparkly eyes. “This is my plan” and he kissed you on the lips at the same time the machine announced the picture was taken.

“We have two more! What do we do?” he asked you, but now that you are here you use right the last two pictures. One kissing him in the cheek and hugging him around his neck that Calum did that thing with his eyes and the biggest smile on his face because he is so happy and also the alcohol. And the last one looks a little bit blurry and funny.

You took the opportunity to take another three but this time, now that everyone is going to know about your relation, the pictures are sexier but not vulgar. Of course your photographer took film pictures during the night so you will have several memories of the night.

You and Calum posted the three first ones on your social media.

@Y/N: my love💖.

@calumhood: happiest man in the universe. february 14th is not bad at all anymore with you by my side💛.

That night before you arrived home with Calum, he told you about a new 5sos music video called Valentine that was going to be on Youtube in 30 minutes, he told you that he wrote almost the entire song and you can’t wait to hear and see him singing this song, especially his verse.

We know we're classic together like Egyptian gold

We love us

+

The success of your new album was immediately. And that means a lot of interviews, invitations to tv shows, radio stations, youtube channels, etc. Calum went and waited for you backstage to the ones that were in US. But the international ones he couldn’t come with you because their new album is going to release soon and new music videos by 5sos.

“I’m so happy to be back!” you said. Today is BBC radio 1 turn. They told you they were happy to have you in the radio.

After you sang a song from the new album, you have to do a cover. In the past you did ‘Them Changes’ by Thundercat and ‘After The Storm’ by Kali Uchis taking advantage of your voice and the high notes you can reach, it is the same this time.

“Hi, this is Get You by my friends Daniel Caesar and Kali Uchis” you said. The last part is your favorite.

This feels like summer

Boy you make me feel so alive

Just be my lover

Boy you'll lead me to paradise

+

Youngblood is out and the release party wasn’t bigger like yours but the fun was the same. You appeared on the Cocktail Chats they did when it was Valentine’s turn. Now after two months your relation went public, the euphoria coming from the people decreased.

+

@Y/N: something huge in two hours with a special guest.

You posted on your stories with a sneak peek.

@ctrlnow: Y/N’s world tour with Kehlani as special guest. Next week tickets on sale. Are you excited? because this is going to be 🔥. It is the first time Y/N is going to perform in all the continents in almost two years.

+

@5sos: US, Canada and Mexico get ready for this tour. Special guest our buddy Dominic Fike. Tickets on sale in 6 days.

+

After 4 months of rehearsals and planning visuals, outfits, makeup, sets, tracklist, etc. You are on the road with the first leg of the tour in US for the whole summer in arenas and festivals. You are synchronized with Calum so you have no problem to hang out together and enjoy to the fullest your days off. 

Both of you don’t get tired of each other concerts. Watching Calum leaving his heart on stage singing and playing his bass, also looking so freaking handsome every single show. For him is the same watching your amazing show with your dancers and different outfits, he said it before and in the present day that he can listen to you singing the whole day and he envies you how charming you are with your fans and noticing every person in the huge arena.

You have a main stage, then a circular runway and a B stage. Calum is always in the first row in front of the B stage. The first show you were so nervous. The beginning of ‘goodnight n go’ started and the crowd went crazy. 

“It seems that you really like this one” you said teasing even more. You started dancing and walking next to where Calum is. Your dancers interact with the audience while you are reaching the high notes. 

We'll have drinks and talk about things

And any excuse to stay awake with you

And you'd sleep here, I'd sleep there

But then the heating may be down again

(At my convenience)

We'd be good, we'd be great together

https://www.instagram.com/p/B577uVJnJ6f/ 

When you looked down, there is your boyfriend looking at you like nobody else did before. You laughed at his reaction because it was priceless and before you keep moving you blow him a kiss. So as the same his reaction was that first time in the studio with ‘everytime’ that made you laugh, now it is with the song that he inspired. He does that in every show he goes, every time you sing ‘goodnight n go’. It is now your amulet that he makes you laugh in the same part with his faces and reactions. But not everything is perfect.

+

The different time zones, the distance and the stress is clouding Calum’s mind. In two weeks you have barely spoken ten minutes. And new things keep coming to you like singing to fashion shows, summer festivals in other continents, hosting tv shows, etc. His friends told him that he will get used to and things will be okay within you two. But he misses you so much and he is doubting about himself again in this thing called love.

“I think it is the best Y/N” he said through his phone. He called you that night, he is so overwhelmed and tired. “I don’t want to be an obstacle, this is your career’s biggest time” he tries not to cry while he passed his hand through his hair all nervous.

“Calum please tell me you are not joking” he can hear your sobs in the other side of the line. You are in France and he is in Canada.

“Y/N just look at what time you are calling me! It is 4 am here where I am!” he said frustrated, it is not the first fight but it is the first time he yells at you that loud.

“Okay I’m sorry! It is late here too Calum in New Zealand- my point is that we will be okay Calum. After this I’m going to be home like you” you tried to calm him.

“And then what? Run to film a tv show for a whole week? Just seeing you at nights? We should take a break while we figured it out” he said and you are frozen trying to check if what he said is real.

“You are the only one who needs to figured it out, because I’m sure about us and… How could you even wonder and said that you are an obstacle?”. Now it is the opposite because the last thing you said was “Okay, if it is what you want. Go to sleep n’ goodnight”.

+

You don’t know how people could know. But rumors of your relationship are in every social media and it is just been a day. You want to throw your phone but you have to get ready for your show in Australia, what an ironic thing.

It is not the same hype when the beginning of ‘goodnight n go’ started. When you are singing the bridge that you were used to laugh thanks to Calum’s reactions. Now your voice breaks and hide your face with your hand and the other one holding your microphone so the public keep singing because you can’t. Your dancers changed the choreo to get close to you and let you know that they are there for you but still you start singing again in the next chorus but with a shaky voice. With this people confirms the rumors.

@enews: Our favorite couple is not longer a thing. With this we don’t believe in love. Y/N and Calum Hood are taking a break. Days before the couple had some troubles in tour. Y/N broke in tears and Calum didn’t go to any interview. Link of the video of Y/N last show in the bio.

+

“I supposed that you already saw this” Luke said giving his phone to Calum to show a video someone posted on Instagram. It is from your last night show.

“Yeah, I saw it” he said without making eye contact with his friend. Calum doesn’t want to talk about it. He is trying to convince himself that what he did is the best. It breaks his heart watching the video that now it is everywhere and his bandmates noticed how irritated he is with everything.

+

For a whole week Calum barely sleep two hours at nights. He looked off in the shows. He cries during his part in ‘Ghost Of You’, he sings spiritless in ‘Valentine’ and he asked to take off ‘Babylon’ from the tracklist. 

5sos have new dates in another continents after December holidays.

“You should talk to Y/N, the Asia leg is going to be over in ten days and after the holidays the South America leg starts” Michael gave his advice to Calum but once again he didn’t give any answer.

+

You took ‘goodnight n go’ and ‘everytime’ off from the tracklist and changed it for another song because you tried a couple of shows after but you couldn’t do it like it used to be singing that song. Your fans were sad because it is their favorite song but you don’t want to cry every single show. 

You have been in touch with Calum but not much. Just good morning and good night messages and that you are safe in the city you two are in that moment.

+

“Hello Mexico City!” Luke said on stage. “Welcome to the Meet You There tour, thanks for having us tonight, let’s have some fun!”

The whole night Calum were late and off key with his voice and bass that multiple times Ashton tried to follow him with the drums. Calum is thinking and worried about you when he saw earlier that you cancelled your shows in Korea because you got a cold that you have to rest your voice. He just wants to talk to you.

When the show ended, Calum throws his bass hard against the floor without caring a thing. After that he went directly to bed, without taking a shower, or eat something. It is been like this for weeks and everyone knows that what he decided was so stupid, but with hope that he learns the lesson.

“Can you explain us what was that?” Ashton said taking off Calum’s hands his phone. “Dude this is getting out of control, and we gave you your space and everything but now you are going to admit that what you did was wrong and the only thing you want is your relationship back”.

“Go away” Calum said.

“No, Hood. You are barely sleeping, eating, focused, happy. This is how relationships work, and we know that it is crazy as fuck when you are famous”.

“Yeah man, it wasn’t easy for me and my girlfriend” Michael said. “And now we are going to get married...Look, if it is meant to be and if you really love Y/N, you should fix this”.

+

You are back in LA for holidays and tonight you have the last show of the year because the second date of LA you had to cancel it because an allergy you had so you reschedule the show.

You are in the car on your way to the arena when your manager told you to stop by the studio because the new visual that you asked for is ready. It is a recap of this year, so your fans are going to see a couple of unreleased videos and pictures of behind the scenes of this whole year including everything and every person in your life.

In the studio you saw the new visual and you noticed that they didn’t put Calum on it. You love him and even when you are on a break, you wanted him in the visual too.

“Hmm I can explain it” your crew member said when another video randomly start in the screen of the computer.

“A mini film by Andy Deluca” you read in the title. The video shows the different reactions of Calum in every ‘goodnight n go’ performance. not just the tour, it also shows the reactions from his house listening to the song, or watching you performing the song on a show. It is a funny video but at the same time so cute and emotional because his reactions are different in every take. Calum screamed “YAAAAS!” or “I LOVE YOU BABY!”, surprised faces, funny faces, lip-synching, etc. And when Andy pointed the camera at you and you hid your laugh with your hand or sleeve, depends on the outfit. Calum says directly to the camera “Y/N should stop doing that, I’m going to say it later because Y/N’s laugh and smile are gorgeous… Okay this is my favorite song, enjoy it”. And the video ends.

“Wow, this is freaking cool but how did you-?” you asked your team when Calum appears from nowhere that scares you.

“I send it to your manager” he said. “I asked Andy to do this video because as always since the start of our relation I wanted to keep these memories”. When you didn’t say anything, he continues. “Y/N I know that I fucked up everything and-” he is interrupted by your manager telling your team to leave you two alone. Once alone with Calum in the room he continues again. “I got scared, I had never had a real relationship, this connection and what I feel for you before...I’m sorry”.

After a couple of minutes talking and giving your point of view that he didn’t let you give months earlier, you said “I love you, but please talk to me because the solution is not running every time things get complicated” and you hug him. He tried to kiss you but you said that he has to win your heart again.

+

“Hello LA! Hope you enjoy this surprise, happy holidays” and the new visuals and videos start playing in the big screen and everyone is laughing, getting emotional, while you drink water backstage you can hear the “awww cute”. And last but not least Calum’s video is playing and you are ready for the next song. Everyone screamed and are happy for you to be with him again. So when in the video Calum says ‘Okay this is my favorite song, enjoy it’, the beginning of ‘goodnight n go’ started.

Tell me why you gotta look at me that way

You know what it does to me

So baby, what you tryna say? Ayy

Lately, all I want is you on top of me

You know where your hands should be

So baby, won't you come show me? Mmm

“For this next song I would like to call Mister Calum Thomas Hood” you said looking at him. He didn’t know about this. You sat him in a chair and say on his ear “A little tease never hurt nobody babe”. Now talking to the audience, “Let’s go!” and the beat of ‘break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored’ went off. Calum is fighting and struggling when you are dancing in front and on top of him.

+

It’s been 3 years since Calum entered your room. He is so glad that he interrupted your studio session. And here he is now, watching you performing ‘goodnight n go’ like if it was the first time he heard you that night in your home studio, the feeling and the amount of love to you is the same and even bigger he would say, it just changes the place where you are singing this song. Now you don’t hide your laugh with your sleeve, and Calum always says how he feels and trusts in your relationship.

[karajaynetoday]

everybody's got their demons, even wide awake or dreaming | part two

Photo credit: Jess Gleeson

Hello friends! Hope you’re having a lovely day. It’s time for part two of this series! Lizzie takes her opportunity to interview Calum one-on-one in this part. If you need to catch up on Part One, you can do that here. Onwards! 

(This is a fem!OC story)

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: none? i don’t think? 

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

The day or so leading up to Lizzie’s one on one interview with Calum was a blur, as Lizzie tried to fix her body clock and orientate herself with how to get around LA. Her boss had offered her the opportunity to hire a rental car, but the idea of driving on the wrong side of the road was too much for Lizzie to stomach, so Ubers were the go. 

Her body sometimes overslept, sometimes woke her up at 4am, so Lizzie had downloaded a yoga and meditation app to try and sort herself out. She might’ve almost given herself a concussion after toppling over while trying to do a particularly tricky pose, but no one needed to hear about that. The bruises on her elbow were embarrassing enough. 

Danielle had sent Lizzie a text the morning of her lunchtime interview with Calum, confirming the time and place as they’d discussed. Lizzie had handwritten some notes for her questions, trying to contemplate what she could ask Calum that would differ to the others. Or maybe she should ask them all the same questions, and then in the piece she could compare and contrast responses? It was so hard to know what would make the best piece, especially with interviewing Calum in particular. Lizzie knew from watching other interviews, and in her group interview with all of the band the other day (and from back in their school days) that Calum was a man of few words. When he did speak, it was usually with purpose and thought, and made for some great content, but he wasn’t always particularly forthcoming. Which is why it had surprised Lizzie that Calum had volunteered for the first solo interview, but given Michael’s behaviour, she was glad to be continuing with the profile piece at all. 

It was a really warm day, so Lizzie had to forego her usual blazer and jeans in favour of a long green dress with blue and white flowers on it. Her hands were sweaty as the Uber pulled up to the café Calum had suggested, and something in the back of Lizzie’s mind suggested it wasn’t just from the weather. She’d always been an anxious person, but she’d gotten a handle on it recently; this whole LA debacle had brought it back with a vengeance. 

Calum was waiting for her just in front of the café, dark wayfarer sunglasses covering his eyes and his phone in his hand as he leant up against the brick wall beside the café door. He was wearing a grey hoodie and jeans, and nobody coming in or out of the café seemed to pay him any attention; but then again maybe people of Calum’s level of fame were just part of the furniture around here. It was near to Hollywood, after all.

“Hey, thanks for agreeing to meet me.” Lizzie’s voice wasn’t overly loud, but it still made Calum jump as he looked up from his phone at her.

“Of course, of course. I know I sound like a broken record, but we really are excited for you to do this piece. The new album era is something I’ve been looking forward to for a while, and - “ Calum began, smiling warmly at Lizzie, who cut him off by pulling open the café door.

“Before you start getting all meaningful and quotable on me, shall we get a coffee and take a seat?” 

“A woman after my own heart. Let’s do it. Pro-tip, the brownies here are to die for.”

The café was bustling, but most of the patrons seemed to be lining up for takeaway orders. Calum stepped ahead of Lizzie and slipped into a booth towards the back, near a frosted window, greeting the wait staff by name as he went. Lizzie scurried after him, apologising as she accidentally bumped into a tall man with her shoulder bag in her haste and he glared at her. Guess not everyone was as friendly as Calum, then. She slid into the booth opposite Calum, pulling out her notebook and phone as she went. 

“Is it okay if I record this? I’m not very good at taking notes.” 

“Straight into it, LL? At least let a man have his coffee first.” Calum deadpanned, and Lizzie felt her face fall before she realised he was joking with her.

“Of course, sorry. Let’s order. The brownies, you said? How big are they?” Lizzie pasted a smile onto her face, grabbing for the menu on the table in front of her.

“I have it on good authority that they’re perfectly Lizzie-sized. Calum-sized, too - a real multipurpose snack.” Calum was teasing her now, but also being completely serious, as he got the attention of a waitperson who came over to welcome them and take their orders. A skinny latté for Lizzie, an iced coffee for Calum, and a warmed up chocolate brownie with a side of coconut yogurt for them each. They fell into easy conversation, about the weather, and Calum’s neighbourhood, and the other pieces Lizzie had written, almost forgetting why they were there in the first place. When their order of coffees and brownies arrived, Lizzie suddenly snapped out of her feeling of ease when she had to push her notebook and phone over on the table and remember that she was supposed to be interviewing Calum Hood, 5SOS bassist, not catching up with Calum Hood, her Year 9 science lab partner. 

“Now that you’ve got your coffee, can I start recording?” Lizzie asked timidly, as she took a bite out of her brownie and audibly groaned at how heavenly it tasted.

“Depends. Will your brownie orgasm be mentioned in the article?” Could Calum say anything that wasn’t teasing her? Damn it.

“Maybe. Perhaps I’ll do a twitter thread of my trip food highlights, given that the profile piece will be under embargo until the album comes out.” Lizzie deadpanned right back, earning a smile and a small chuckle from Calum.

Lizzie hit record on her phone’s voicenote app, sliding the phone into the centre of the table. She flipped open her notebook to the page marked “Calum”, and she could see Calum trying to read her writing upside down.

“No spoilers, mate. I’ve got a strategy here.” Lizzie mused, angling her notebook so it was harder for Calum to see as he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Well then, Ms Lawson from Junkee Australia, do your worst.” He flashed her a grin, before taking a sip of his coffee followed by a bite of his brownie (sans any groaning… that must only be a first-time brownie thing).

“So, in our chat yesterday, it was mentioned that this next album is, in some ways, a letter to your homeland, and a reflection on your journeys so far as individual artists as well as being 5SOS collectively. For you, as Calum Hood, what’s the main contribution or perspective that you feel you’ve brought to this album, and the band?” Lizzie saw a flicker of something in Calum’s eyes as she shifted into journalist mode easily, but he only paused for another sip of coffee before answering.

“I think at this point, my main contribution is balancing the collective contributions in the room. I have a lot to say, and I do a lot of songwriting, but I also think the others would agree that I’m also quite observant, so I can read a lot into things they’re saying, or not saying, and bring it out of them into the music. We’ve known each other for almost half our lives at this point, so we know each other better than anyone else, but when we work with other co writers and things like that it can be hard to feel entirely comfortable with the vulnerability you need to bring into writing a song or telling a particular story that day. I’ve got the rep as the strong, silent, shy type, I know - “ Calum paused and returned the soft smile Lizzie was giving him, as she nodded encouragingly. 

“But in interviews, when I’m being asked to explain myself and validate my artistic choices, I’m immediately more defensive and protective of it, because there’s something magical about the writing room, and the vulnerability that can only exist in that context when we’re songwriting, and creating that art. The end product, which is the song or the album or whatever, conveys the emotions in a way that I could never say them with words, and the beautiful thing is that so many people can listen to it and relate to it in ways that I’d never considered before. But that’s the power of it, you know? We make these songs to express ourselves, and fulfil our creative outlets, but it extends beyond that, and that’s the part that gets me.” Calum finished speaking and reached for another sip of his coffee.

“Right. The magic exists in the studio, and on the stage, and in individual people’s lives when they listen to the music wherever they are in the world, and it’s the connecting thread that brings you together with your fans, a moment that you can share even if you never meet.”

“Exactly, it’s the universal experience, and everyone has their own interpretation of what it means to them. Pisses me off when people try and dig to find out who we wrote a certain song about, or whatever. Sometimes it is a specific person or a moment, other times I make shit up to suit the vibe of a chord progression or a concept someone’s brought to the table. It’s a juicier headline if we name and shame, but it’s not fair to the person I’m writing about, especially if they don’t have a similar outlet for a right of reply, and it’s also irrelevant, because my meaning behind a song could be completely different to yours, but that doesn’t make it less valid.” Calum shrugs as he speaks, his tone calm and nonchalant. 

“Makes sense. The music can exist as art, and be open to interpretation, like everything in life. And with this album, and reflecting on your homeland… what does that mean, for you? Because 5SOS have lived almost their entire adult lives overseas, so I know it must be hard to self-determine a cultural identity that’s so strongly linked to somewhere you haven’t lived for so long.” Lizzie asks, munching down another bite of brownie.

Calum cocks his head to the side and rolls his bottom lip into his mouth, and Lizzie feels a lump rise in her throat. Had she phrased the question wrong? Was he mad? Had she struck a nerve? Fuck. 

“Sorry, we don’t have to - I mean, we can keep discussing the album in a different way if you’d prefer -” Lizzie started babbling, and she froze when Calum reached across the table and rested on hers reassuringly. 

“Breathe, Lawson. I just need a minute to think about a deep and meaningful response to your question. You’re fine.” Calum was speaking softly, and there was an apology of sorts in his eyes when Lizzie glanced over at him. She was about to ask him something else, when a waitress came over to check on how everything was going with their orders and offered a second round of coffees and Calum withdrew his hand from the table as he ordered another iced coffee to go, times two. 

“If you could have it ready to go in about an hour, that’d be great.” Calum flashed the waitress a smile, and she shot him a wink as she headed back to the counter to update his order.

“A whole ‘nother hour? You spoil me, Mr Hood.” Lizzie joked, downing the last of her coffee and desperately hoping to avoid any awkwardness in her remaining interview time with Calum. 

“Anything for a fellow Australian, mate. To answer your question, it’s strange, because yes I’ve never lived there full time as an adult, but there’s something about your home country and your hometown that stays with you, no matter where you go or how long you’re gone. Obviously, for me, my sister lives overseas, and neither of my parents were raised in Australia, but it still means a lot to me, because it’s home, you know? The industry there is… interesting, but I still think that if we didn’t have the background we all have as individuals and the band, there’s certainly a lot of decisions we’ve made and ways we’ve gone about things in our careers that are heavily influenced by our upbringings and the mindsets we all have from that experience.” 

“Home is where the heart is, right?” Lizzie offers, thumbing her notebook absently. 

“It’s true. But it’s also refreshing to go back and escape it all a bit, you know? None of my friends at home really give a shit about Calum from 5SOS. They just like hanging out with Cal, which is nice.” Calum shrugs, clasping his hands together on the table in front of him.

“Just Cal? Not cool guy Cal? C Dizzle Swizzle?” Lizzie bit back a grin, remembering the multitude of nicknames Cal had garnered over the years.

“Look, cool guy Cal is just my constant state of being. C Dizzle might make an appearance if I’ve had one too many, but either way, they’re just happy to see me. Or happy to tell me some home truths that I haven’t heard, or wanted to hear, so that’s important too. You can’t live in LA for as long as we have without having a good support crew to keep us grounded, you know? Even if some of the ones who mean the most to us are on the other side of the planet.” There was something in Calum’s eyes again as Lizzie looked at him, and she could tell it was more than what he was trying to say for the sake of the profile interview. 

She swallowed down one final bite of the heavenly brownie, and turned the page to find her next question. Lizzie couldn’t entertain the idea of asking Calum why Michael was mad at her, because it would break the air of professionalism she was desperate to maintain; also, she wasn’t entirely sure he’d even tell her. Calum and Michael had been inseparable in their school days, and Lizzie knew that their bond and sense of loyalty no doubt ran even deeper now than then, given all of their shared experiences, trials and tribulations to date. But Calum had always been so kind and patient with her, whether she’d accidentally ruined their Year 9 science experiment, or she’d nearly thrown up on his shoes at the Year 11 formal after party, or when Michael had stormed out of the studio a few days ago and he offered her his time for the first solo interview. Lizzie brushed off the train of thought, and continued with her interview questions for Calum.

The conversation flowed easily, and Lizzie could already feel the profile starting to come together in her mind. She jotted down a handful of notes on how to adapt her questions for Luke and Ashton based on Calum’s responses, and before they realised how long they’d been chatting, the waitress returned with Calum’s two takeaway iced coffees. 

Lizzie asked the waitress for the bill, but Calum waved her off. 

“I’ve got it, Lizzie. Don’t stress.” 

“But I can expense it! I have a receipts app, and everything!” Calum laughed at how excited Lizzie seemed at the concept of submitting a work expense claim.

“Okay, fine. You win this round.” 

Lizzie pressed stop on her phone recording, and reached for her bag to slide her notebook in. The waitress returned with the bill, and Lizzie handed her travel bank card over, drumming her hands absentmindedly on the table while she waited for the waitress to come back with her card and the receipt. 

“Lizzie?” Her head snapped up as Calum spoke. 

“He’s not… I know it seems like he’s really mad at you, but he’s not.” It took a moment for Lizzie to register what Calum was saying.

“He’s not mad at me? He refused to speak to me and stormed out of the room the first chance he got, but he’s not mad? Right.” Lizzie couldn’t help but sound bitter as she spoke.

“I can’t speak for him, but I know him. He’s not mad, he’s just hurt about everything.” Lizzie could tell Calum was being very careful with his choice of words, and she eyed him curiously across the table.

“What does he possibly have to be hurt about? He’s the one that -” Lizzie catches herself halfway through her sentence, and squeezes her eyes shut as she inhales deeply.

“Here’s your receipt and your card back, miss. Thanks so much for visiting us today, have a lovely day!” Lizzie blinks and squints up at the waitress, who hands back her card and a paper receipt. Lizzie mumbles her thanks, and goes to stand up and slide out of the booth, and Calum follows her out of the café.

“Lizzie, I didn’t mean to upset you -” Calum’s apologetic tone had Lizzie spinning on her heel to face him once they’re through the doors of the café. 

“You didn’t, Calum. It’s fine. I’m here to do a job, and I appreciate your time today, I really do. Michael and I… I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, okay? I know it won’t be easy, but for now, I just want to focus on getting the best interview content I can from you all. That’s why I’m here.” Lizzie wrings her hands nervously, and she can feel how sweaty her palms are.

“Is that the only reason you’re here?” Calum’s tone isn’t teasing, or harsh. It’s genuine, curious, soft. He’s not moving as he stands in front of Lizzie and gazes down at her from his full height. 

Before Lizzie can answer, Calum’s phone starts to ring, and he casts her another glance before stepping away to answer it. While he’s chatting to whoever’s on the other end of the line, Lizzie decides to order herself an Uber and make her way back to the hotel so she can make a start on transcribing the interview with Calum. Because that was why she was here, Lizzie told herself in her head, stubbornly. Didn’t matter about the feelings in her stomach, and the tightness of her chest. She was there to write a profile about a band, nothing more, nothing less. 

“I’ve got to go and meet Ash at the studio, are you all good from here?” Calum’s question broke Lizzie out of her internal dialogue. 

“Yep, all good. Thanks again for your time, Cal. I really appreciate it. I think it’s going to be a great piece, and I’m intrigued to see what comes out of the other interviews. All of them.” Lizzie’s pointed tone isn’t lost on Calum, and he grimaces slightly at the fire he seems to have ignited. Ah well. Lizzie and Michael had to sort their shit out sooner or later, right?

Right? 

Calum was trying to convince himself as he strolled down the street towards his car, pondering if he’d made things better or worse between Michael, his best mate through almost his entire life, and Lizzie, the girl that he’d been sure Michael would love forever, but had walked away from in a shadow of hurt, betrayal, and disbelief. The girl that apparently had no idea Michael felt that way, or that if he did, it wasn’t justified. Someone’s side of the story just wasn’t adding up, but Calum wasn’t sure whose it was. Not anymore.

Taglist: If there’s a line through your name, I couldn’t tag you, so please message me to let me know your new URL or what the go is!  @suchalonelysunflower @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @loveroflrh @spicycal @notinthesameguey @metalandboybands @cheekysos @ashton-trash  @another-lonely-heart @queenalienscherrypie  @becihadshawn  @allthestarsandthemoon​ @wheniminouterspace​

[mulletcal]

if walls could talk -- ceo!calum chapter 1

description: calum is the son of a very powerful ceo / owner of a PR firm - they had an agreement that calum could live his life as a young adult until his father retired.  calum didn’t expect his father to retire so soon, nor did he expect to meet a woman who would spill out all of her deepest, darkest secrets all because of some turbulence.

warnings: light mention of sexual situations, other than that nothing much.

word count: 3.4k

a/n: this is something i’ve wanted to post for so long.  i attempted a majority of a rewrite at one point, but here we are! please let me know what you guys think? also huge thank you to @softbabiestan​ and @calum-uncrowned​ for reading / suggesting edits along the way 

------

“This just doesn’t feel like the right time to do this.”

Those words had been said to Charlotte more times than she could count, in both her personal and professional life.  This time, it was the former, but that didn’t make the blow to her confidence any smaller.

Charlotte had been sent to New York in hopes that maybe she could convince this firm to sell to them.  The PR firm that she worked for was the top in the country, but they didn’t get there based solely on the fact that they were an amazing company.  Anytime another PR firm seemed like they were about to overtake them for the top spot, Everyday Joy Communications would make them an offer they’d be stupid to turn down.

“Please, Mr. James, if you’d just look at the graph that we’ve done up for you--” Charlotte started, but she was cut off by the man standing up abruptly. 

“Your company has been trying for over a year now to buy us out, and each time we’ve said no. It’s very clear to us that your company’s morals don’t align with ours, I’m sorry you wasted your time in coming here today.” Straightening out his jacket, Mr. James moved around the table to shake Charlotte’s hand once more, clearly eager for her to leave.

She had gathered her things in silence, but as she turned to leave she heard Mr. James clear his throat. “Miss--” he began, inhaling deeply before continuing, “You may want to tie your jacket around yourself. It appears your skirt ripped.”

Nodding her head, she left the room without so much as a ‘thank you’, the embarrassment crashing over her in a wave.

As if this day couldn’t get any worse.

***

The CEO of Everyday Joy Communications has announced his retirement.

One would think that in the occurrence of a life-changing event, you’d at least get a call beforehand.  But that wasn’t the case for Calum, the article reading as a slap in the face to him.  Calum was supposed to be allowed some warning, something that would allow him to get his life in order before he was set to take over, but no.  Here he was, receiving numerous texts, calls, tweets, and e-mails from those he knew asking what the next steps were, and if Calum was finally going to step forward and ‘actually contribute’.

When his father’s company first started gaining success, Calum had chosen to live in New York, rather than stay in Los Angeles.  He enjoyed the bustle of a busy city, but LA was full of people who wanted what was in your pockets instead of what was in your head.  Opinions didn’t matter unless they were linked to some financial gain, and it never sat right with him.

He was pulled from his thoughts by his phone ringing, his father’s contact info flashing across the screen. “What do you want, Dad?” The words were dripping with false affection, his father’s sigh evident on the other line.

“I wanted to tell you, Calum, I--”

“You seemed to be able to figure out how to pick up the phone now, how come you couldn’t before?”

The silence on the other end was deafening before his father offered another sigh, “You still have a week to catch up on things before you fully take over.  And you know that I’m just a phone call away.”

“Yeah, and what time would be best to call you? In between tee-times, or before you go in for your deep tissue massage.” Calum had come to the conclusion to hang up before his father had a chance to answer.  Buying a plane ticket and facing this head on would be better than working himself up in his loft.

As if sensing his distress, his dog Duke came padding into the kitchen, looking at him quizzically.  It wasn’t often Calum had an angry tone to his voice, and it confused the small dog.  Scooping him up into his arms, he sighed as he pressed a kiss to the side of the dog’s head. “How do you feel about moving to LA buddy?”

---

“Hello?”

“Ash, guess whose ugly mug you’re gonna see a lot more?” The overly excited tone in Calum’s voice was very much not him, and it gave away everything Ashton needed to know in that moment.

“Mm… Gonna take a shot in the dark here and say you?” Ashton spoke with a soft chuckle. Calum could hear the click of his phone, and he was assuming he was either turning his volume up or down - if he had to guess it would be down, because he knew that Calum was frustrated.

“M’sorry there’s no prizes involved, but you’re absolutely right!  I don’t know if you’ve read, but my father is headed into an early retirement, which means-”

Before he could continue, Ashton finished his sentence for him, “- You gotta break out the big boy pants, I know.  Is he expecting you to take over right away?”

Calum let out a sharp exhale from his nose, fingers dragging softly through Duke’s fur as he sat cross-legged on his couch, “I have a week to settle in before I take over fully.  I don’t understand how he thinks a week is enough time to shadow him in the office before I just…  Take over.”

“You did work there in the summers when we were in high school though, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but I don’t feel as though it’s quite the same.  Plus, that was eight years ago now. The things have changed at the office - expanded departments, new protocols.” Calum sighed, leaning his head to rest against his couch.  “It’s just a lot.”

“I know, but hopefully your staff will cut you some slack, plus you have the best coffee in the world less than a block away.” Ashton was right, that was a very small benefit - he was sure whenever was something was overwhelming he could sneak away to his friends cafe for a coffee.

The rest of the conversation was uneventful, Ashton trying to take his mind off of his impending flight later that evening.  The conversation went on for longer than Calum had expected though, because his alarm went off to remind him to drop Duke off at the Doggy Daycare he would be staying at as he moved his life away.

“Shit dude, I gotta head out to go take Duke to his lil’ doggy hotel,” Calum joked, ignoring the tugging at his heart strings at the fact that he would have to leave his baby behind for now.

“Okay mate, I’ll see you soon, yeah? Bring Duke by as soon as he gets in from his week away from his dad.” Ashton teased, them finishing saying their goodbyes before hanging up the phone.

***

‘Now boarding flight 32C to Los Angeles, California…’

“Finally,” Charlotte murmured to herself, gathering her carry on and making her way towards her gate.

There had been a three hour delay, and at that point Charlotte was ready to be home, curled up in bed watching shitty rom-coms.

As she stepped onto the flight, the stewardess looked her up and down with a sympathetic smile. “Long day?” She asked, placing her hand on Charlottes’ forearm.  Any other time, the gesture would annoy Charlotte, but she wasn’t one to take out her bad day on others.

“That obvious, huh?” Charlotte deadpanned, shoulders sagging ever so slightly.

“How about an upgrade to first class? No one checked in for that seat, and it’ll be our secret.” 

If angels existed, this woman - Angie - would be one of them.  With a small smile, and a squeeze of the hand on her forearm, Charlotte headed to the seat she had motioned to.

When she got to the seat, she saw a man on the outside of the aisle with his hat pulled low over his eyes. His strong jaw seemed tense, only relaxing as soon as Charlotte let out a soft ‘excuse me’.

Then, strong jaw man was talking, and Charlotte thought it had been to her.  “Do you wanna get drinks, then?” The man had asked.

“Oh, yeah I’ll--”

That was the first time she saw the man’s eyes, deep brown and looking up at her in confusion before motioning to his Bluetooth ear piece.  

What idiot still used those? 

Charlotte’s head ducked in embarrassment until he eventually hung up.  “I’m sorry about that, I thought you were talking to me…” Her words were meek, almost inaudible as she angled her body towards him.

“S’fine, you didn’t see the device.” The more he had spoken, the more Charlotte wanted to hear.  His voice was enticing, the type you knew could command a room if the occasion called for it. She kept thinking of ways to potentially get the man to speak to her again, but she was at a total loss for words.

All was well when the plane actually took off, and Charlotte was content to enjoy the rest of the flight in moderate silence until a violent shake of the plane jolted her eyes open.

 “Oh my God, what was that?” She asked, turning to look at the man beside her whose brows were furrowed in confusion.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. We’re experiencing some slight turbulence. If you could please remain seated with your seatbelts on until the light turns off. Thank you.’

“See, it’s just some turbulence --” he started to say, his calm voice being cut off by her exhaling sharply next to him. “Do you really think he’d tell us if we were about to die, dude?” Charlotte snapped, trying to focus on anything but the fact that they were about to die. 

“I think… I think he’s legally obligated to, no?” The man’s thick brows furrowed further, the tiniest quirk of a smile playing at his full lips.

Charlotte narrowed her eyes at the man, this logical, beautiful man. Another particularly violent rock of the plane had her gripping on to the mans’ arm.

“I can’t die. I’m too young -- I haven’t accomplished anything with my life,” Charlotte breathed, squeezing her eyes shut.  “I mean, I haven’t had kids, I’ve never even been in love. My boyfriend is a joke to human kind. I don’t even know if I have a G-spot…” She definitely regretted the words as they slipped out, her hand tensing even more.

“Excuse me?” There was an almost comical tone to the man’s voice as he cracked a small smile.  As if he couldn’t get more perfect, his teeth had to be straight and white too?

“That’s not important--”

“It seems like something you feel is extremely important to you.” Who was this smug stranger beside her? And why did he find such joy in her discomfort? “My boyfriend -- He… Doesn’t know how to use his mouth. The way he uses his tongue, I told him I liked it. I told him that I’ve never experienced anything like it. Which is true, but it’s a dreadful experience…”

The conversation continued like that, and somehow Charlotte found comfort in telling this complete stranger her secrets. Especially about the meeting she completely messed up earlier in the day, how her skirt had ripped, and how much she hated her co-worker. It wasn’t until she overhead the stewardess speak did she realize that not only was the turbulence finished, but so was the flight itself.

“Why didn’t you tell me we had landed?” Charlotte asked, almost breathless from her constant monologue.

“It seemed like you had a few things you wanted to get off your chest. And let me tell you, I don’t think I know any of my friends as well as I know you, especially not even knowing your name, doll.”

Charlotte was about to tell him, but the man, this stupidly handsome mysterious man was up and out of his seat before she could even open her mouth. 

“Darling, we’ll keep this between us. I don’t need to know your name. Thanks for sharing all your dirty little secrets,” He had said with a wink before leaving the plane completely.

What the fuck did she just do? ---

Monday morning wasn’t any easier for her, memories of the plane ride haunting her thoughts the entirety of Sunday.  Charlotte wasn’t sure she’d be able to maintain her focus when meeting the new CEO if she could barely be attentive enough to brush her damn hair.

It was amusing to overhear the rumours that made their way around about the new CEO, and if Charlotte was having a better morning she likely would have joined in the fun. Sipping her coffee quietly, she glanced over at her friend as she began to speak.

“I heard once that he has a rolodex of prostitutes that he keeps for when he feels in the mood, doesn’t do relationships.” Charlotte rolled her eyes at Rachel’s words as they watched out of the large windows for the man’s arrival. “Holy shit he’s even hotter than people said he was…” 

It wasn’t long before the rest of them ran to their desks, appearing as though they were doing work as the new CEO headed up the elevator. When the elevator doors opened, they seemed to take the air from Charlotte’s lungs with them.

It was him. She saw his profile first, and she could have recognized that jawline from a mile away, or the seemingly ever present pout on his full lips. It was the handsome stranger from the plane, the one who now definitely knew about all the shenanigans that went on around the office when they all thought the person above them wasn’t paying attention. The stranger she spilled all her deepest, darkest secrets to. Their Director of Operations, Beth, came out of her office, a bright smile on her lips as she embraced the man.

 “Calum, the last time I saw you, you were just graduating high school --” she recalled fondly, the smile on the man -- Calum’s face was radiant as she pinched his cheeks. “Alright everyone, listen up. This is our new CEO, Calum Hood. As you know, he is David’s son, and he’ll be working from our offices to ensure everything is running smoothly.  You haven’t let me down before, don’t start now.” The words were said with a sweet smile, but everyone knew you didn’t mess with Beth.

“Thank you, Beth --”

A whisper from behind her did not fall on deaf ears, “His fucking accent though…”

“Keep it in your pants, Rachel,” Charlotte whispered back, her attention going back to the warm brown eyes that had now landed on her.

“-- I may be my father’s son, but I most definitely am not him. This company, at the very least, should have some fun. So if any of you have a suggestion or two on how we can improve, I’ll be in my office all day getting myself sorted.” Calum’s eyes scanned the room, freezing when they landed on Charlotte. Giving her a simple nod, the man’s warm smile was replaced with a tense one before he turned to walk into his office.

***

After seeing her, there was no way for Calum to focus. He’d hate to admit it, but ever since that plane ride he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that girl. The confessions she made to him left him wondering so many things -- at least if she stopped in he could thank her for exposing so many secrets of the office.

Throughout the day, various people stopped in his office to introduce themselves; each woman coming across more desperate than the last.  He supposed he shouldn’t think that when these women were working for him. He’d be stupid, though, to pretend like he didn’t notice each lingering glance they’d give, or each lean forward to try and show off their clevage. 

A soft knock on his door towards the end of the day was the one who held his attention the most -- because it was her. He still didn’t know her name, but seeing her today, he felt a strange pang in his chest that made him want to know it. Calum knew he should have let her tell him on the plane, then maybe in another world if they hadn’t serendipitously worked together he’d be able to find her.

“Mr.Hood?” Her voice was softer than he remembered, but maybe Calum was just thinking of it in the form of terror she had expressed to him the other night.

“Call me Calum, please. And your name?” Calum asked with a quirked eyebrow, a small smile forming on his lips. 

“Charlotte,” she stated with a small smile as well, stepping into his office further. Her outfit was more indicative of her personality than her travel clothes had been -- her blonde hair pulled into space buns with wisps of hair falling into her face, the front of her pastel pink button up tucked into a pair of bright blue floral pants. Pastel pink and blue were not exactly a colour combination Calum would have gone with personally, but it suited her.

Calum realized then that he was checking her out, and by no means in a subtle way. “Uh, sit, please,” he gestured to the chair across his desk, wanting to make her more comfortable.

“I wasn’t sure I even really needed to come in here today, given the circumstances of the other night. But Rachel told me it’d be weird if I didn’t come to introduce myself to our new boss…” Charlotte had begun to ramble, and Calum couldn’t bite back the smile that pulled at his lips, the genuine kind that always made his eyes crinkle at the corners. Something about the smile made Charlotte’s breath catch in her throat, her body almost visibly stilling.

“It probably would have been weird to your co-workers, but if you’re uncomfortable here working directly with me, I can arrange it so you’re transferred to a different office,” Calum’s response was more an HR response than anything, wanting to make her more comfortable. But also maybe, just maybe, Calum was itching to reach up and brush the blonde hairs from her face. Transfer so that she wasn’t directly under him in the business sense, but could be directly beneath him in other ways.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the woman speaking up once more. 

“No, no. It’s not that--” Charlotte started, pulling her lip between her teeth. “I just don’t want it to be weird for you. I did after all tell you a lot about myself.”

“Speaking of a lot -- How’s your boyfriend?” The question was out before Calum could stop himself, the topic itself completely catching Charlotte off guard as she stilled for the second time in a span of 5 minutes.

“He’s uh, good. He works here also, in the IT department. I don’t know if I told you that part.” A blush spread across the woman’s cheeks, and Calum found the whole interaction endearing.

“You didn’t happen to mention that, no.”

“Yeah, you’ll probably meet him as you work your way through meeting the rest of your staff--” Her sentence was topped off with a shaky laugh, brushing a stray strand of hair back behind her ear.

Calum wondered very briefly if she was nervous around him because of the things he knew about her, or because she happened to be as attracted to him as he was to her. It was inflating his own ego, of course, to think the latter. Who said having high hopes were a bad thing though? “Anyways,” Charlotte said, standing up abruptly, “I should go. Getting towards the end of the day, and I promised my roommate we could binge season 2 of Sex Education.”

The irony of that statement was not lost on Calum, what with her exposing rather intimate details about her sex life to him only a couple days prior… And now she was going to go and watch a show called Sex Education? 

“Hold on,” The words sounded choked as they came from Calum’s mouth, likely conveying how desperate he felt to keep the conversation going. “What’s uh -- What’s his name? Your boyfriend, that is. I’d like to be aware of the relationships going on in the office.”

Charlotte grinned then, a mischievous glint in her eyes that had Calum sweating, “While we don’t have time to unpack all the relationship drama going on here, my boyfriend’s name is Gavin… Goodnight Calum, I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, she was gone, as if their whole interaction had been a dream. and Calum was so fucked.

tag list:  @cals-wildflower​ @talkfastromance4​ @softbabiestan​ @roseycal​ @calum-uncrowned​ @boyfriend-cal​ @wildflowerirwin​ @irwindoll​ @gosh-im-short​ @atlcalm​ @thesubtweeter​ @heavenisapeach​ @ridingcthood​ @loveroflrh​ @wokeupinjapanisabop​ @talkfastdrummer​

[cakesunflower]

Reach For You [Dad!Calum AU] Ch. 18

A/N: so sorry for the......6 month wait omg. hope y’all missed Aspen, Calum, and Luna as much as i did. yeeeee happy reading!

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17

Chapter 18

“IT’S LIKE PULLING teeth, trying to get them to talk,” Mali whispered, leaning towards Aspen as she spoke, eyes on the scene in front of her rather than on the wine glass she was cleaning with a dish towel. “It’s painful to watch.”

Aspen’s throat worked. She could only see Calum’s profile from where she was standing, his dark eyes set on the television as it played Home Alone. He sat on the single lounge chair, while his mom sat on the smaller couch opposite of him and his dad and Luna occupied the other couch opposite of the TV. The two of them seemed to be in their own world, Luna having gotten along with her grandpa exceedingly well, talking amongst themselves about the movie. Calum was pretending to pay attention to the movie, while Joy was pretending not to be staring over at him occasionally.

That’s how dinner had gone. It was awkward and seemed to drag on forever, but at least Aspen had Mali on her side, the two of them making up for Calum’s silence at the table. It wasn’t like he didn’t speak at all, dropped a sentence or two here and there, but he didn’t directly speak to his parents. Well, at least not to his mom, anyway. He was still upset with his dad by association, but the true object of his anger was Joy, and he wasn’t too subtle about it either.

Not even the pretty Christmas lights they’d decorated the apartment with could bring a sense of tranquility and joy. Not to this group, anyway.

Aspen would be exasperated by his lack of trying if all of this wasn’t her doing to begin with. She called his parents behind his back. She’s the one who invited them for Christmas dinner and ambushed Calum with it. Shit, what had she been thinking?

The sound of Luna’s giggles broke through Aspen’s thoughts, and she felt herself relax a little bit. At least she could count on her daughter to lighten the mood.

“I don’t know what to do,” Aspen responded to Mali quietly, gripping the bottle of wine. She was ready to down the whole thing by herself. With a disgruntled hand running through her hair, Aspen added, “This was a terrible idea.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Mali disagreed, wiping the last glass. “You’re just trying to save Cal’s relationship with our parents, like any caring partner would want to do. It’s not your fault they’re being stubborn about this.”

Aspen wasn’t convinced. “Yeah, but—” She sighed, eyebrows drawing together in distress, looking towards the living room before her gaze met Mali’s again. In a quiet voice, she added, “I knew he wasn’t ready to move forward and I pushed him anyway. I didn’t—” Aspen paused, frowning as her gaze dropped to the counter, twisting her lips as the guilt started creeping through her veins. “I didn’t give him enough time to be angry—”

“He needs to let that anger out before it becomes too much,” Mali told her. “He needs to say his piece and try to move on. What’s done is done and no one can change the past, no matter how much we all want to, and the sooner Calum accepts it, the sooner he’ll feel that burden lift from his shoulders.”

Aspen took a breath, processing Mali’s words. She was still afraid of pushing Calum, not wanting to push him too far and have him be upset with her again—truthfully, she wasn’t even sure if they were okay from the last time they argued about the very situation. Ever since the arrival of his parents, he’s been in an off mood, which Aspen had expected, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed with his lack of trying after he said he would try. She knew she was at fault for springing all of this on him, knew that if he didn’t hold up his end of the promise then she couldn’t entirely blame him. Still, the dismay was present when all throughout dinner Calum didn’t really make conversation, didn’t engage if it wasn’t with her or his sister or Luna.

Before Aspen could say anything to Mali, Joy’s voice sounded from the living room. “I think it’s time we get going; it’s getting late.”

“No.” Aspen didn’t realize it was she who had protested Joy’s statement until all eyes were on her. Though, all Aspen could feel were Joy’s surprised ones and Calum’s irritated ones as he looked at her over his shoulder. Taking a breath, Aspen offered an encouraging smile. “We haven’t had dessert yet and I was just about to open the wine. Please stay, at least for a little bit.”

She figured, in that moment, she didn’t really want Calum’s parents to leave until at least there was some kind of step forward made. Was she pushing it? Maybe.

“We can’t force ’em if they wanna go, Aspen.” Her eyes met Calum’s dark ones, noted the silent way he told her to just let it go. To let them leave. There was a hint of edge present in the undertones of his casual voice, and Aspen fought from rolling her eyes because she knew he could’ve pretended harder if he wanted to.

“Noooo, I want Grandma and Grandpa to stay!” Luna whined, sitting up on the couch with a frown and pout on her face. Looking at Joy with a puppy dog look the five year old had terrifyingly mastered already, Luna begged, “Please stay! There’s cake and cookies.” Looking at David, she added, “Home Alone isn’t done yet.”

“Lunes,” Calum started, tone genuinely becoming soft as he addressed his daughter. “It might start snowing soon and they can’t be on the road when it does.”

Mali and Aspen both exchanged flat expressions at the lie. It wasn’t going to snow, Aspen knew for a fact, and Calum lying to Luna about it just so she’d possibly drop the subject was ridiculous. So with a lick of her lips and trying to keep her tone even, Aspen said, “Hey, Cal, can I talk to you for a second?”

His gaze met hers once again, the tension in the room returning as she nodded towards the hallway. She noted the way his throat worked in annoyance before pushing himself to his feet, and Aspen shot everyone else a quick reassuring grin as she walked out of the kitchen. They went to Calum’s bedroom and Aspen felt his presence behind her looming as they reached the room, and she shut the door behind her before turning to face him.

Together, both of them demanded simultaneously, “What the hell are you doing?”

Calum exhaled forcefully as Aspen’s eyebrows shot up. “Me? I’m trying to salvage your relationship with your parents.”

He shook his head, jaw tight before retorting, “That’s not your concern, Aspen.”

“We’re partners, Calum, so yeah, it is.”

She saw the anger flash across his face, accompanied by a sense of hurt she hadn’t expected as Calum returned, the edge back in his voice, “If we’re partners then you should be on my fuckin’ side!”

Aspen blinked on an expression of incredulity, lips parting as she inhaled a surprised breath at Calum’s accusation. There was a brief numb silence in the space of the room before Aspen’s brain caught up with her. “I am on your side, Calum,” she exclaimed, fighting to keep her voice low enough so it didn’t travel to the living room where everyone else was. But it was hard to keep her voice from raising with the surprise Calum’s accusation brought. For him to think she wasn’t with him was upsetting and insulting. “I just—I want you to say what you need to say to them and try to move past this.”

Calum gave a shake of his head, slow and defeated. “There’s nothing left to say, Aspen,” he said, voice lower yet still carrying that same level of intensity. He licked his lips as his dark eyes flickered past her and towards the door, thinking of who was currently in his living room, and he expelled a breath. Looking back at Aspen, he continued, “I’ve already said how pissed and upset I am. I’ve told her how she’s fucked up and she’s apologized and I don’t know where we go from here.”

Her heart bled for Calum and the pain he still so obviously was in, attempting to hide it behind anger and stubbornness. But she knew Calum, and as much as it hurt to see him hurt, to see how difficult it was for him to have his parents here, Aspen knew for a fact that he wouldn’t truly feel better until all of this was done with. Calum had always been so close with his parents, was a family oriented man that could be seen in his relationship with Luna, and to see his relationship with his parents crumbled into dust was heartbreaking.

Forgiving Joy wasn’t something Aspen ever thought she was capable of. For the longest time, she hated the woman for everything that happened. But holding onto those kind of strong, negative emotions wasn’t doing her any good. It was only weighing Aspen down, sometimes suffocating her, and it wasn’t until things with Calum had been mended and she finally decided to forgive his mom that Aspen could feel completely okay again. And it was no secret her accident played a big part in Aspen wanting things for Calum to be alright, too. Life was too short to remain under a dark cloud of anger.

“You move forward, bub,” Aspen told him, her own tone growing soft as she took a step towards him, green eyes never leaving his brown. “We can’t change what happened, but we can change how we go from here. I know how much it hurts you to not have your parents, your mom, in your life like you used to. I—”

“I have you and Luna,” Calum cut in, eyebrows drawing together in a subtle frown.

Aspen pressed her lips together into a kind, genuine smile. “You do,” she agreed with a nod. Calum’s throat worked as Aspen looked at him, and she felt herself take a breath. Her shoulders sank in acceptance, her hand finding his. A warmth spread through Aspen as he looked down at their joined hands, maneuvering his fingers to interlock with hers, the sensation of his cool rings one she never tired of. “And if you genuinely feel. . . Complete. . . with us—which is totally and utterly fine—then I will go back into the living room and tell your parents goodnight.”

Calum blinked a couple of times at her words, taking a breath as he lifted his chin, eyes never leaving Aspen’s. She didn’t look away, either, wanting him to know that she genuinely meant it. Sure, Aspen wanted Calum to make amends with his parents, and maybe it was a little too late to realize, but she shouldn’t have pushed him on the matter. She understood why he’d been so pissed off when she told him she’d invited his parents, understood that she’d crossed a line. If Calum genuinely did not want to engage with his parents, if he was content with not restoring a relationship, then Aspen would support him. She couldn’t force him more than she already had, not if she wanted to fuck up their relationship.

Supporting Calum was all that mattered.

“You would?”

Aspen’s smile softened, squeezing his hand, taking yet another step towards him. Her heart thudded within her chest at the look he gave her, uncharacteristically shy and looking so small, and it only reminded Aspen of how difficult this was for him. She nodded. “If that’s what you want, then yeah.”

He was silent as he considered her words, pulling his lower lip into his mouth as he chewed at it thoughtfully. She let him have his time, let him carefully think about what he wanted their next move to be. It concerned all of them, but this was Calum’s decision to ultimately make. Aspen felt badly about taking the choice away from him in the first place, and the least she could do was be by his side and support whatever he chose.

She watched the muscles in his jaw tighten, her eyebrows drawing together worriedly as he squeezed his eyes shut, head lowered as he shook it. Through gritted teeth, Calum confessed, “I want to move on but I just. . . I don’t know how.”

Aspen’s free hand lifted to cup his cheek, lifting his head to connect their gazes once again after he opened his eyes. She offered him a sweet smile. “We can figure it out together.”

They entered the living room, the credits for the movie on TV now rolling, everyone’s eyes on Calum and Aspen as they walked back in. Expectant expressions were painted across all of their faces, and Aspen took a breath before smiling at her daughter. “Hey, Lunes, why don’t you go show Aunt Mali all the presents you got, huh?”

The five year old grinned, jumping off from the couch with Duke hot on her heels as she ran over to where Mali stood, grabbing her aunt’s hand as she tugged. “Come on, Aunt Mali!”

The blonde grinned happily, letting her niece pull her along as her dark eyes met Calum and Aspen’s briefly. She understood the need to get Luna out of the room, happy to comply as she silently agreed to keep the little girl occupied.

An anticipating silence fell upon the room as Luna’s giggles soon silenced behind the closed door of her bedroom. Joy and David watched them patiently, and Aspen glanced at Calum in time to watch him take a breath before gesturing to the couches. “We should, uh, sit down, I guess.”

His parents shuffled around the coffee table, settling on the smaller couch against the wall as Aspen followed Calum to the one diagonal of them. It was silent in the room save for the ever so subtle thick clinking of the chains Calum wore, disappearing under the neckline of his full sleeved dark red sweater. He ran his fingers through his curls, ruffling the shaggy dark locks before he interlaced his fingers together. Calum bowed his head, lips parting as he ran his tongue along the inside of his lower lip, running the words through his head before he finally spoke.

“I’ve told you how I feel. . . And I know how sorry you are.” His words were slow, careful, not meeting anyone’s eyes as he uttered them. Aspen watched him, knowing he was thinking while he spoke, making sure whatever was running through his mind, whatever he was feeling in his heart, was properly articulated. “I just don’t know where we go from here—how we find. . . A sense of normalcy in all this.”

“We find it slowly, son,” David spoke up, his voice a wave of smooth calmness as he looked at Calum. He glanced at Joy before looking back at his son, adding, “This won’t be an overnight thing, we understand that. Still, we would. . .” David let out a soft sigh, his hand finding Joy’s before nodding at Calum. “We would like to try and earn back your trust.” His eyes met Aspen’s. “Both of yours.”

“That’s—” Calum breathed out with a shake of his head, wringing his fingers together as he let out a forced chuckle. Aspen pressed her teeth together as she watched him, wanting to jump in with something. Anything. But Calum needed to do this. So she resorted to resting a hand on his knee, a comforting act of encouragement. “That’s not goin’ to be easy.” Calum looked up, looked at his parents, expression a mixture of the conflict he was fighting and tiredness from it all. “You gave me everything I could’ve asked for, but took away the family I never knew I had.” Twisting his lips, Calum added, “Trust and forgiveness, that’s gonna take some time.”

Joy nodded, looking desperate for some kind of relief, some kind of step forward they all were in search for. “There’s no rush,” she assured with a somewhat nervous smile. She looked between both Calum and Aspen, and even though this was about her boyfriend getting back on the right path with his parents, Aspen was appreciative of Joy and David making her feel included in this. Her and Calum were partners; she was glad his parents saw it, too. “Take all of the time you need. Whatever you think is best for your family, it’s how we’ll deal with this, okay?”

Aspen watched as Calum rolled his lips into his mouth, considering their words. She knew that Calum, just like her, was taking note of how Joy and David were giving them the power, a vast difference from the part they’d played in when it came to the situation that led to all of this in the first place. They were in total control over what was to happen, how they were going to move from here, and the importance of that wasn’t lost on Aspen or Calum. They had basically been kids when they’d unknowingly gotten into this mess with his parents; now they were adults, with a daughter to think about and a family they had no intention of ever losing. They were finally in control, just like they should’ve been since the beginning.

Calum nodded, biting the inside of his lower lip as he sat up, shoulders straight. He sniffed, rubbing under his nose with a finger as he looked at his parents once more. Then his gaze shifted over to Aspen, his expression softening once his brown eyes met her encouraging green. A small smile tilted at his lips, hand coming to rest on top of hers that was on his knee. He took a breath, decided and sure. “Baby steps.”

She nodded along, mirroring his smile, turning her hand under his to properly hold his hand. “Yeah,” she agreed, returning the meaningful look he cast her way before shifting her gaze to his parents. “I’m sure we’ll figure this out.”

For the next hour or so, they brought Luna and Mali back out before they divulged into the wine and desserts Aspen had promised. The shift in the air was noticeable, the tension from before having dissipated significantly. Aspen sipped her wine, watching Calum finally be at ease for the first time since his parents’ arrival, Luna sitting on his lap as he held a plate with a slice of chocolate cake, feeding both himself and her. Mali had decided on playing some music, finding a Christmas playlist on Spotify, to keep the light mood in the air. Aspen figured she was maybe worried that lack of it would bring back the tension from before. Aspen found the gesture cute—and probably needed.

Joy and David didn’t leave until everything was cleared out, both Joy and Mali insisting on helping out in the kitchen to put away the dirty dishes and put the leftovers in the fridge. When it was time for Calum’s parents and sister to head out to their hotel, they all gathered by the door, Luna insisting on hugging her grandparents and aunt goodbye. As Mali pulled Aspen in for a hug, she rubbed her back before whispering, “Good job.”

Aspen let out a quiet, breathless chuckle at that, Mali grinning as they pulled away, the two of them sharing a pointed look. And then Joy stepped up in front of Aspen, bringing her a step away from everyone else, and Aspen still felt a prickle of surprise when Joy took her hand in hers and squeezed. “Thank you,” the older woman whispered, the sincerity crystal clear in her eyes. “It means a lot that you invited us. And it shows just how much you care about Calum.” A sadness swept over Joy’s face as she gave a regretful shake of her head. “I’m so sorry I didn’t see it before.”

Throat working, Aspen felt her heart stop for a brief moment at Joy’s apology, taking a breath. The sense of relief was only growing at this point. “I know you are,” Aspen nodded, offering a kind smile. “Thank you for coming.”

Luna ended up in her arms after hugging her grandfather goodbye, and Aspen rubbed at the little girl’s back as Luna rested her head in the crook of her neck, tired after the day’s festivities. She gently swayed her, the movement subtle yet still soothing Luna, as she watched Calum bid his mom goodnight.

“Our flight isn’t until seven tomorrow night,” Joy was saying to Calum. Aspen watched them, trying and failing not to do so, noting how small Calum’s mother looked in front of him. Not just because of their physical height difference; she took in the way Joy, a woman she’d always known to be assertive and bold in her own right, seemed to fold into herself. She hugged herself, as if she was protecting herself from any oncoming rejection, totally uncharacteristic and Aspen understood why as Joy added, “Would it be alright to see you before we go?”

She spoke with trepidation, not wanting to push her luck after only just beginning the process of making amends. Aspen watched on as Calum looked at his mother for what seemed like minutes that stretched on forever, until he finally answered with a single nod, “Yeah.”

Joy smiled in return, shoulders sinking in relief, as the goodbyes and goodnights came to a close, Calum’s parents and sister leaving with smiles and waves as they closed the door behind them. Calum let out a sigh as he locked it, the night coming to an end, turning around just in time for Aspen to whisper, “Hey, you wanna put her to bed? I’m gonna clean up the living room.”

Calum nodded, gaze shifting to a near slumbering Luna, as he stepped forward and reached for his daughter. Luna easily shifted from her mother to her father, arms lazily going around Calum’s neck as she rested her cheek on his shoulder. He felt and heard her take a breath before snuggling closer to him, and it easily brought a gentle smile to his face as he walked down the apartment and towards her bedroom.

He settled her down on the bed, switching on the bedside lamp that provided for a dull glow as opposed to the harsh brightness of the ceiling light. Calum brushed some dark curls out of Luna’s face as she sleepily smacked her lips together, and he suppressed a fond chuckle as he made his way over to the dresser to get her pajamas out. He sat down on the edge of the bed, murmuring quiet encouragements to the little girl who was seconds away from completely falling asleep as he changed her into her pajamas.

But just as Calum laid her upper half back down after putting on her shirt, thinking she was already mostly asleep, Luna spoke up. “I had fun today.” She spoke in a slow, tired drawl, a bit of a wistful hum in her voice as Calum settled her blankets over her.

He sat right next to her on the edge of the bed, hands on either side of her as he looked down to see her dark eyes blinking open. Calum smiled at the sight of her; for her to be this tired, he knew she did have fun. Despite his own issues, Calum had seen, much at the expense of his tightening jaw, that Luna had been enjoying her time with Mali and their parents. Calum hadn’t made for a much pleasant host to his parents, but Luna made up for it with a newfound excitement towards them. A childlike thrill that had, for the most part, put everyone at ease. “Yeah?” Calum mused, smiling down at her teasingly. “You liked all your presents?” They may or may not have spoiled her—Calum more so than anyone else; his first Christmas with his daughter had proven to be his favorite despite the initially unwanted presence of his parents.

“Mhm,” Luna responded, pulling the blanket up to her chin as her brown eyes met Calum’s. “I like Grandma and Grandpa, too.”

Something tightened in Calum’s chest at that, not entirely sure if it was a good or bad feeling as he heard Luna’s words. He’d been struggling with his emotions ever since his parents had arrived, knowing he hadn’t done a good job in keeping his promise to Aspen in trying to be civil. To actually try. But it hadn’t been too bad towards the end. They had made some progress, as much as they could tonight, and Calum had even agreed to see them again tomorrow before they left. That was more than he’d expected to do. And even though he’d been upset with Aspen over inviting his parents without even telling him, Calum knew his anger had dissipated at this point. Not entirely gone, of course, but slowly crumbling away. Slowly.

Calum took a breath before smiling, finger brushing away a stray curl from her face, brushing along her cute, soft little cheek. “They like you, too,” he told her truthfully. Because they did. He could tell. He wouldn’t agree to seeing them tomorrow if they didn’t. “Come on, bug, get some sleep.”

Luna hummed, giggling ever so softly as Calum leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss. He bid her goodnight after switching off the lamp and turning on her nightlight, leaving the door just slightly aja before stepping out into the hallway. He glanced in the direction of the living room, realizing all of the lights were off and that Aspen was probably back in the bedroom.

He walked in, shutting the door behind him just as Aspen emerged from the bathroom. Her makeup was already off, changed into her pajamas, which only consisted of sleep shorts and one of his shirts, and she offered a small smile as he took in the sight of her. “Hey,” she greeted softly. She nodded towards the door. “She’s down?”

Calum nodded, pushing himself off the door. “Out like a light,” he confirmed.

Aspen smiled, running her fingers through her hair. “Good, that’s good.” Licking her lips, her smile turned a bit shy, and she added, “I, uh, have something for you. One more gift.”

Calum blinked, fighting the urge to laugh because of how similar they were. He watched as she walked towards her bedside before his gaze shifted towards his own bedside, more specifically, under the bed where he’d hidden his last gift for Aspen. They’d exchanged presents in the morning, of course. Gifts they’d bought one another by knowing the other’s likes, gifts they’d both loved. He was gonna give her the last gift before bed, but looked like she had beat him to the punch.

Calum approached the bed as Aspen climbed onto it on her knees, him doing the same on his side, eyes going to the very familiar book he’d seen in her apartment. It was Luna’s baby book, and Calum’s eyebrows furrowed together as she held it out to him, slowly taking it from her but not before shooting her a confused look.

Aspen let out a breathless chuckle, rubbing her hands down her sides as she said, “Just look inside. I, uh, added some more pages.”

His eyebrows raised at that, settling back on his legs as he opened the book. He’d seen the familiar pages, all of Luna’s firsts and the pictures that went along with those moments, until he got to the pages that were definitely new. Calum could feel Aspen watching along in anticipation, in nervousness, except all he could focus on was the pages he was looking at and the tightness of his throat.

There were pictures added in there that Calum knew about, and some he didn’t know anyone—Aspen—had taken. Pictures with the labels of “First Spaghetti Sunday w/ Dad”, or “Dad’s First Gift”, or “First Birthday w/ Dad”. Aspen had added all of these pictures of Calum with Luna, or of the three of them together, of moments that had become some of his favorites. A warmth spread through Calum as he took in every picture, every word, heart picking up its pace. He could hear his own breathing, heavy with the emotion that suddenly washed over him, fingers brushing against the photographs of him with his two favorite girls. Aspen had made sure to make him as much a part of the baby book as he was in their lives, and while Calum was not much of a crier, she did a good job in springing the tears in his eyes with this thoughtful gift.

“Aspen,” he breathed out, voice thick and throaty with appreciation and adoration. “This—” Calum let out a short, disbelieving chuckle as he looked at her. He saw the hopeful expression on her face, eyes wide and small smile, and Calum shook his head. “Thank you so much, sweetheart. I don’t—I love this.” He put the book down on the mattress before reaching for her, pulling her into a hug and keeping her close as he said, “I love you.”

He heard her let out a relieved laugh, returning his hug, and Calum shut his eyes as she squeezed him, the smile on his face hurting his cheeks as she returned, “I love you, too. We’re in this together, right? You and me.”

He pressed a kiss to the skin of her shoulder where his shirt fell off. “You and me.” Calum sniffed as they pulled away, and Aspen let out a soft, adoring laugh at the flush in his cheeks, cupping his face as she shot him a grin. “I’ve got somethin’ for you, too,” he told her, prompting Aspen to blink in surprise.

He shifted backwards, one foot touching the ground so he could bend down and pull out the gift bag from under the bed. Aspen raised her eyebrows as he handed it to her. She took it with an anticipating smile of her own, and right as she reached into it, Calum said with a nervous chuckle, “It’s really cheesy, okay? So don’t laugh.”

Aspen rolled her eyes at him, dismissing his thought. “I’m not gonna laugh,” she said, hand reaching past the decorative red tissue paper to grab onto the gift.

Calum pressed his lips together, watching as Aspen pulled out the medium sized decorative jar with a gold lid on top. He watched as Aspen observed it, took in the custom made label on it that read a simple and cheesy message of My Love For You. He felt the heat spread across his cheeks at that, mentally chastising himself for writing something so utterly cliche on the label. Then again, the entire idea of the gift was utterly sentimental and cheesy.

“It’s, uh,” he began explaining, chuckling shortly. “There’s a message on every slip of paper inside for you. Like, uh, reasons why I love you and stuff. There’s, um, one thousand six hundred and forty three little slips in there. . .  One for each day we, uh, weren’t in each other’s lives.”

He watched the way her lips parted at his words, eyes widening as she returned her gaze to the jar she held in her hands. He wasn’t sure why he felt so shy about giving her the gift, the vulnerability not something he was entirely fond of, though when it came to Aspen, Calum was quick to realize facing these types of things was a lot better than running away from them. His throat worked, waiting for her to say something, heart jumping when her glassy green eyes met his dark brown ones.

“Calum, it’s—this is so sweet,” she breathed out, her voice thick with awe as she let out a gentle laugh. Her voice took a teasing tilt, wanting to lighten the emotional mood as she playfully asked, “You have over a thousand reasons why you love me?”

Calum cracked a small smirk, quirking an eyebrow despite his racing heart. “It’s funny that you think I can run out of reasons.”

Her expression softened, a soft chuckle escaping at his words as she gave a shake of her head. Before she let the tears escape, Aspen put the jar down before one had found his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss. Calum returned it eagerly, softly, arms winding around her waist as he kissed her, settling back on his legs once more before using his hands on her thighs to lock her legs around his hips. She tasted like mint toothpaste and he reveled in the familiar softness of her lips, in the touch of her hands on his face as they kept each other close.

“Merry Christmas, love,” he found himself whispering against her lips, wanting nothing more than to melt into her.

Aspen sighed against him, utterly content. “Merry Christmas, Cal.”

--

tags: @irwinkitten​ @sweetcherrymike​ @meetashthere​ @valentinelrh​ @softforcal​ @astroashtonio​ @hereforlukescruff​ @novacanecalum​ @captain-what-is-going-on​ @angelbbycal​ @singt0mecalum​ @hopelessxcynic​ @lfwallscouldtalk​ @bodhi-black​ @findingliam-o​ @softlrh​ @calntynes​ @calumsmermaid​ @erikamarie41​ @quintodosuniversos​ @longlastingdaydream​ @babylon-corgis​ @lukehemmingsunflower​ @imfuckin10plybud​ @pastelpapermoons​ @conquerwhatliesahead92​ @rotten-kandy​ @metangi​ @neigcthood​ @ohhmuke​ @old-zeppelin-shirt​ @5sos-and-hessa​ @trustmeimawhalebiologist​ @vxlentinecal​ @pettybassists​ @vaporshawn​ @lu-my-golden-boi​ @visualm3nte​ @isabella-mae13​ @dontjinx-it​ @lifeakaharry​ @neonweeknds​ @antisocialbandmate​ @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​ @calpalbby​ @grreatgooglymoogly​ @sunnysidesblog​ @gorgeouslygrace​ @cocktail-calum​ @miahelizaaabeth​ @madelynerin​ @dramallamawithsparkles​ @theagenderwhocriedwolf​ @kaytiebug14​ @hoodskillerqueen​ @bitchinbabylon​ @empathycth​ @xhaileyreneex​ @inlovehoodx​ @aestheticrelated​ @bloodlinecal​ @sublimehood​ @madbomb​ @raabiac​ @britnicole11​ @outofmylimitcal​ @fluffsshawn​ @bloodmoonashton​ @vxidhood​ @tea4sykes @lukeinblue​ @mysteriouslycali​ @hoodcentral​ @rosecoloredash​ @hearts-to-the-sky​ 

[sarcastically-defensive17]

heeeey, can I request smth? O: Like maybe with Calum where he has an on and off relationship with y/n, like not really dating but they sometimes act like it with the good stuff included, bc of him being afraid of commitment, so some other times he's just really cold and hurts y/n but like all the other 3 really love her, so one day he just watches her fitting just right with the boys and all of his gfs so he knows he's ready to start something real with her and she's just so happy and just fluff

Bonk - C. Hood

I love this request! I hope I did it justice! If you don’t like it, let me know! I’m always open to constructive criticism!

Requests are open! Send em in!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

A friends with benefits relationship was always hard to maintain. Most claimed it to be the end of friendships, the beginning of doomed relationships or simply a difficult thing to maintain.

Y/N never really understood what made it so hard for others. Calum and her had been friends for years, and after a drunken night spent together, decided to continue their late night -and even early morning- escapades of passion.

But there were moments where Calum found himself longing for the woman when he shouldn’t, and not simply when he wanted a quick rumble in the sheets. Or on the lounge. Or the counter. Or wherever they decided.

Sure, he enjoyed being able to connect with his best friend in a way that is private to only them, but nothing scared him more than being confined to one woman.

It usually flared up when the guys - particularly Michael - would give him hell about their close relationship.

The most recent event? Y/N and Calum curled up on his king sized bed together as she ran her fingers through his hair. They were comfortable. It was a regular occurrence for them.

“Dude, why don’t you just take her on a proper date? You’re basically together anyways,” he laughed, eyeing Calum as they played a round of Mario Kart.

“No, were not,” Calum felt his mood dropping. He hated when they would bring up his relationship with Y/N. Hell, he hated when they would bring up his relationship with anybody.

“You sure? You’re blind if you haven’t noticed the way she looks at you,” he winked at the kiwi man, nudging him softly with his elbow.

As if on cue, the woman in question opens the door, strutting into the house as she has done many times.

She stopped to hug Michael from behind, not distracting their game.

“Hey Y/N!” He shouted, his voice full of excitement. “Calum is giving me nothing, I need some serious competition. You up for it?”

She repeated the gesture with Calum, although she barely received a response.

“Maybe later?” She winced softly, “Cal and I are meant to be catching a movie tonight.”

“Can’t go.” The words fell from Calum’s lips and he stood.

“Uh, okay? Everything alright?” Y/N recoiled. She was used to the hot and cold from Calum, but no matter how many times it happens, it still has the same sting.

She fears nothing more than rejection, which is why she keeps her feelings buried deep.

Before they knew it, Calum had closed the door behind him and set off walking with no destination.

He wasn’t sure why he had such anxiety surrounding the idea of being in an exclusive relationship. Hell, he hasn’t even looked at another woman since Y/N and he had begun their escapades.

He had no need to, she had everything he was looking for.

Y/N was just as confused as Michael was.

The room was still, both her and Michael blinking between the door that Calum escaped through and each other.

When she was around the guys it was easy to forget her worries. The other two arrived shortly after Calum had left, and after receiving a knowing look from Michael, chose not to question the absence of their bass player.

A few hours had passed, Calum had wandered mindlessly with no specific destination, except for when his feet dragged him back to his house.

He still hadn’t gotten to the bottom of his conundrum.

He loved Y/N. There was no doubt about that. And he really enjoyed being with her, he just wasn’t sure if he had strong enough feelings for her to pursue something that caused so much fear.

The sound of laughter echoed through the closed door. He found his stomach warming at the sound of Y/N snorting. She only did that when she was laughing so hard and forgot to breathe.

She did that a lot around all of the guys.

He pushed the door open softly, as to not disturb the four people inside. Michael was straddling Ashtons lap, attempting to lick the mans face and Ashton was trying his hardest to crane his neck away from the blonde man.

Luke and Y/N were on the floor, switch controllers abandoned and a finished race projected on the television screen.

Michael’s token character, red Yoshi, came last, and Calum could only assume they had been playing so that the loser has to complete a dare. Y/N was a sucker for games like that because she made sure to never lose.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene. He couldn’t understand how one woman could look so radiantly beautiful. She would always smile so wide when she was around them, and for a while Calum convinces himself it was because of him, but he quickly told himself that it wasn’t.

He found himself reciprocating the happiness when she was around. Most days he would wake up and the first thing he thought of would be ‘What is Y/N doing today’ or he would ask the woman to spend the day with him.

Y/N would find herself doing the same, or so she said when he asked for reassurance that their relationship wasn’t developing more than their best friends with benefits situation.

He couldn’t deny the slight drop in his stomach when she confirmed that there was nothing else.

And Y/N couldn’t deny the way her heart sank when he questioned their situation. She would never say it, but she longed for more. If she couldn’t get more, she was fine, but you can’t blame a girl for wanting.

Calum was so lost in his thoughts, his eyes trapped on Y/N’s smiling face that he didn’t realize Luke had spoken up from beside him.

“You still gonna deny that you have feelings for her, mate?” He whispered low enough that the others in the room couldn’t hear.

Calum jerked out of his trance, furrowing his brows for a minute but no words came to mind.

He did have feelings for Y/N.

How could he have spent so long denying it when it was obvious to everybody. Everybody but him, and he hopes Y/N.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath, rolling his eyes at the smirk crossing Luke’s features.

“You gonna tell her?” Cal shook his head softly, then nodded, then shook his head again.

“I don’t know mate, I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to hurt her.”

Luke let out a laugh that was the slightest bit too loud, catching everybody’s attention. He played it off with a cough and turned to the brown eyed man beside him.

“You think she would hurt you? She’s head over heels for you, Calum!” He whispered, but his tone was serious.

Cal stopped for a moment, swirling the ring on his middle finger that Y/N had given him for his birthday.

She noticed him eyeing it one day and bought it before he had the chance to. He was surprised when the ring the shop said was out of stock was in the hands of the woman on the morning of his birthday.

“What if I hurt her, Luke? What answer do you have for that? If I’m in a relationship with her then my shit becomes her shit! I don’t want to have her worrying. She deserves something-“

“What do I deserve, Calum?” The sound of her voice made his heart stop for a moment. “And if you think I don’t already already worry about you like crazy, then you’re blind.”

She laughed softly, and anybody could detect the slight nerves hidden underneath.

She stepped closer to him, pushing Luke aside softly and grabbing the brunet mans hands in her smaller ones.

“I know, commitment is a big thing for you, Cal. And I know we probably shouldn’t be having this conversation in front of these twats,” A chorus of offended sounds echoed around the room. “But, if what you said is true, and you’re willing to give us a chance, I wouldn’t say no.”

Calum was dumbfounded. He didn’t know that she heard their conversation. He didn’t even really know if she would consider the idea.

“How much did you hear?”

“All of it. You lot don’t know what inside voices are,” she smirked and he wanted nothing more than to kiss the curve of her cheeks.

“You really mean it?” He couldn’t find the words to say. He struggled to get the question out through the lump in his throat.

She nodded softly, “I honestly thought you knew how I feel about you. It’s all those three talk about.”

His mind was racing.

There was the very real possibility that this could end in a mess, and the friendship would be affected. There was the possibility that he wouldn’t be what Y/N wants and she would find somebody better. There was a good chance he could hurt her.

But there is always the risk.

Finally, he made his decision.

“Y/N?” She made a sound of acknowledgement, her eyes boring into his and erupting a warmth in his chest. “Wanna go on a date tomorrow night?”

The smirk returned to her lips, and he adopted a matching smile, “thought you’d never ask.”

“Now that that’s settled, I have a question!” Michael interjected, his lips set into a frown. “Did you two really bonk on the lounge? Coz I’ve been sitting here all day and I’m really grossed out!”

[maluminspace]

Genre: Fluff

Pairings: Calum Hood/Michael Clifford/Male Reader

Word Count: 2k

Requested: anon

Do you think you could do a poly!malum or poly!cashton with male reader? It’d be great and I loved your last male reader so much.

Trigger Warnings: strong language, mild sexual references

A/N: I really enjoyed writing this poly fluff! I’m happy to do a smutty follow up if anyone wants it! I hope enjoy this, my lovely anon.

***

“I think we have a tired little kitten on hands, angel.” Calum chuckles lightly as he leans forward to grab the T.V remote from the coffee table in front of you. “We can finish this episode tomorrow.”

Michael whines, shifting his head in your lap to look up at your other boyfriend. “No, Cal! I wanna see what happens… I bet we’ll find out more about the hot guy soon…”

You scoff, playfully nudging Michael’s shoulder. “Hey you have two guys of your own, are we not enough for you?”

The blonde blushes a little as he shakes his head. “He’s not as hot as you two but…”

“Come on sleepy head!” Calum interjects, switching off the television and pushing himself to his feet. “The hot guy will still be on Netflix tomorrow, we’ll put you to bed before we leave, yeah?” He pushes himself to his feet before meandering over to the side table near the front door where he’d left his shoes earlier. 

Before Michael can start complaining again, you stroke his long blonde fringe out of his face and lean down to a peck a kiss to his pale forehead. “You need your sleep, kitten.” 

Michael’s green eyes glisten in the near darkness as he fixes you with a sad expression. “I need you more.” He replies, before turning his sad puppy dog eyes to Calum. “I hate it when you both have to leave.”

Your heart kind of melts at the sleepy sadness in Michael’s voice and although you always hate leaving him and Calum, tonight it just feels a million times worse, somehow. You can’t stop yourself from urging Michael up into a sitting position so that you can hug him properly. 

The blonde man accepts your loving gesture gratefully, snuggling into you like a clingy child. Calum catches your attention from across the room and you find the same heartache you’re feeling, reflecting back at you from the depths of his chocolate brown eyes. He steps closer to you, perching on the arm of the sofa and wrapping an arm around you both. “We all hate this part, kitten.” The slightly younger man sighs, leaning down to press a kiss into Michael’s hair. “It sucks that we have to leave at all, but we all have our own places.”

“That’s stupid.” Michael huffs, “Why are we all paying a shitload of bills when we could be living together and sharing them out between the three of us?”

Even though you know that Michael’s comment was born from his clinginess, you have to admit that it kind of makes sense. The three of you together could probably afford a much nicer apartment or possibly even a small house. 

“You mean, move in together?” Calum asks, his voice adopting a nervous quality. “But we’ve only been dating for a couple of months, don’t you think that’s really fast? We haven’t even spent the night together yet.”

Your heart sinks a little. Of course Calum is right, on one level at least. You haven’t been dating long and none of you have had the courage to ask the other two to stay over yet. That’s not to say that you haven’t done ‘stuff’ together, though. There’d been numerous occasions when your heavy making-out sessions had led to more than kissing, but you were yet to go all the way together. 

“I know that…” Michael mumbles, his cheeks heating up as though he’s embarrassed by his previous statement. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be like us moving in together as an ‘item’.” He shrugs, looking between you and Calum with a nervous expression on his beautiful face. “We could find somewhere with three bedrooms, maybe? That way we’d more like roommates that just-so-happen to be dating.”

You exchange a cautious glance with Calum. It feels like entirely the wrong time to be having such an important conversation as this. The three of you are sleepy and sad about having to leave each other for the night, of course any solution that limits that miserable feeling is going to sound like an amazing idea.There’s a part of you that can’t deny Michael’s logic, though, and you subconsciously start to run your fingers through his hair as you hold him, still staring up at Calum in the hope that he’ll have some intelligent comment that will make it easier to figure out how to get the best of worlds.

For a long moment it seems that Calum is just as conflicted as you are. He nibbles at his bottom lip anxiously as he pulls you both closer to him. “I think we need to start staying at each other’s places a little more before we make any big steps like that, kitten.” He suggests, finally breaking the increasingly tense silence. 

Michael’s pout becomes genuinely heartbreaking and your natural instinct is to kiss it off his face. That feels a little inappropriate, though, so you settle for tightening your grip around his shoulders instead.

“It was a stupid idea, I’m sorry…” Your older boyfriend shrugs, “You should go…” He’s clearly embarrassed as he wriggles free of your hold and gets to his feet before shuffling off towards the door of his bedroom. 

You share a somewhat guilty glance with Calum, wishing that your tired brain would come up with a solution. You hate seeing Michael sad, it’s time you made peace with the fact that you’d do pretty much anything to make him smile. “I don’t want to leave him, like this.” You sigh quietly, leaning against Calum’s chest for comfort.

Your boyfriend strokes your hair softly, humming in acknowledgement as he apparently tries to think of a way to fix this so that you can all go to bed happier tonight. After a moment Calum leans down to whisper into your ear. “Are you okay with staying over here tonight?” 

The fact that you have work in the morning and driving from Michael’s place adds an extra half hour to your journey, barely presents itself as an issue. You’ll happily leave a little earlier if it means you get to finally spend the send with your boys. You try not to let too much of your enthusiasm show in your face as you nod and leap to your feet, but judging by the fond smirk on Calum’s face, you fail terribly at it.

“Good.” Calum chuckles. “Then I can take you both out in the morning for breakfast and we can talk about this whole, not wanting to leave each other at night, stuff.” 

Okay, so maybe calling into work sick just one time wouldn’t be a disaster. Breakfast with Calum and Michael definitely sounds a whole lot more fun than sitting behind your desk in that glorified store cupboard you’re forced to call your office. “Sure, sounds like a plan, Cal.”

Your beautiful boyfriend stands up and takes your hand, smiling softly as he leads you towards the door Michael has just disappeared through. Calum knocks lightly, not wanting to barge in just in case the blonde is changing already, as he still seems quiet body-conscious around the two of you. “Can we come in, kitten?” 

There’s a series of shuffling footsteps from inside the bedroom before Michael opens the door, keeping his gaze aimed at the floor as he leans awkwardly against the doorframe. “It’s okay, I know I was stupid, you can go home now, you can give me the lecture in the morning.”

Calum rolls his eyes, taking Michael’s hand in his free one before placing a kiss to his pale knuckles. “We don’t want to lecture you, kitten.” He promises. “We were just hoping you wouldn’t mind sharing your bed with us tonight? I just want to fall asleep cuddling my boys, does that sound good to you?”

Glancing up timidly, Michael gives a weak nod. “Are you sure you want to stay?” He moves his gaze from Calum’s chocolate-brown eyes, to yours, seemingly awaiting a punchline to a joke. 

“Never been more sure of anything in my life, Mikey.” You grin, completing the circle of hand-holding by curling your fingers gently around Michael’s. “Calum said he’ll buy us breakfast in the morning too, so that just seals the deal.” You smirk cheekily, knowing that Michael will appreciate that. 

Just as you’d hoped, the blonde man does that blushy smile you love so much as he opens the door further. “You better make yourselves, comfortable then. I’m just gonna use the bathroom and then I’ll be back for cuddles. Help yourselves to pyjamas, they’re in the big dresser in the corner, second drawer down.”

A part of you is a bit disappointed by the idea of your boyfriends wearing pyjamas, however you don’t push the subject. It’s clear that Michael isn’t quite in that place yet. 

Calum seems to bite back a comment about it too, nibbling at his bottom lip again as Michael grabs a loose t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats from the end of his bed before scurrying off to the bathroom. 

“Maybe we can suggest a naked sleepover, next time.” You giggle, as soon as Michael is out of earshot.

Nodding, Calum leads you over to the bed, urging you to sit down whilst he continues onto the dresser that Michael had indicated to the two of you. “I’m excited for when he feels ready for that.”

A moment later, Calum hands you a pair of black sweatpants and a faded Green Day t-shirt. “Lucky for you, I’m not shy at all.” He winks, immediately dropping his trousers to reveal his muscular thighs. 

You have to stop yourself from groaning, you’ve never wanted to put your mouth on anything more in your entire life. The lustful feeling inside of you multiplies even further when Calum removes his shirt. The way that his long fingers work the buttons of the garment before he slides it off his arms, spark a million different fantasies of what you’d like him to do you with them. 

“Enjoying the show, angel?” Calum smirks, his air of confidence intensifying as he steps closer to you. “Are you gonna leave me to be almost naked alone?” He offers his hand out to you and helps you to your feet before unbuttoning your skinny jeans. 

Having Calum undress you, makes your skin tingle with anticipation, like every inch of you is screaming out for him to touch you. The way that Calum bites his lip as he rakes his eyes over you once he’s stripped you down to your boxers, draws a tiny whine from you.

Calum hums in response to your needy gesture and tentatively places a hand on one of your hips. “I wish you didn’t have to put those sweats on…” He whispers, pulling you closer until you can feel his breath on your lips. 

“Me too.” You reply lowly. “Do you think Michael will mind if we sleep in just our boxers?”

“Not at all…” Michael interjects, drawing your attention over to the door where he’s standing, now dressed in the sweats and loose t-shirt he’d taken to the bathroom with him. He looks so soft and cuddly that your heart melts. It hits you in that moment, just how amazing your life is. You have two of the most beautiful men on earth looking at you as though they want to eat you alive. Despite their stark differences in personality and physical appearance, their biggest common denominator is you, and that makes you feel giddy. “I wish you two could be just in your boxers all the time.” The blonde man continues, a light blush colouring his cheeks as he shuffles further into the room.

“I’m sure that can be arranged.” You reply, winking suggestively.

Calum raises an eyebrow at Michael in response to his question. “Care to join us, kitten?” He asks hopefully, holding out his hand. You’re quickly learning that there are few things in the world that Calum loves more than having his hands on both of his boys.

Tag list: @clffrd @byxthexway @afuckingunicornn @painkillerash @moonchildsblack @calumbbyyy @h0tsos @loveroflrh @sexgodashton @megz1985 @myfalsedevotion @aulxna @honeyedlashton @tea4sykes @ghostofmashton @fairyintheglass @cashworthy @cashtonasfuck @opheliaaurora23 @5sosnsfw @wildmichaelflower @myloverboyash @loverofcashton @irwinkitten @cxddlyash @wildmalumflower @cashtonasff5sos @iovehemmings @kindawannacryx @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​ @celticclifford @5-secondsofcolor

[highstwildflower]

Not in the same way

A/n: this is inspired by the lovely song “not in the same way” but with a happy ending! Also I bought tickets to see the boys live in April!! Today is an awesome day<33

You had been here so many times that it didn't even surprise you when he refused to leave. Even as you stood up, screaming at the poor man to leave. He stayed, blue eyes taking you in as you were steaming with rage. The emotional mix of despite and love had you both exhausted, but there was no way either of you were strong enough to quite.

A few days later your phone lit up the dim room as a invitation ticked in. "Party at mine. Come over at 5. See you. Xx" he didn't even ask you, he knew you were coming. Just as you knew he would be waiting for you. Around 4 you stepped out of the shower, damp hair engulfing your shoulders in a warm embrace as the air was thick around you. Spending the next 40 minutes upon your makeup and hair. You choose a tight black dress, and black heels. You left your apartment and ubered to Luke's. Standing at his door, you rang the bell. The door swung open before you realized it. Luke smiled at you and your knees went weak. "Hi beautiful" his breath was hot as he pulled you in for a kiss, his lips lingering on your own lips. Backing into his house your lips continued to move together "lu when are the others coming" you voice was muffled between kisses. "In an hour or so, we have plenty of time" before you knew it your were laying naked on the couch as Luke was moving between your thighs. Moans filled the air as he thrusted inside you. Pleasure was riding through your body as he worked himself to his climax. As soon as he finished he pulled away from you. Ready to clean up. He extended a hand to you and he pulled you to your feet and helped you get dressed. "Thanks" you murmured, his hand came to you cheek and caressed it before peaking your lips.

As the night dragged on you lost your senses to the bottom of the drinks. Luke was just as intoxicated as you. He was sitting at a table with many others, you smiled to yourself as you planed to make your way to him. Kissing him in front of all the girls who was eyeing him. As you walked over you stopped in your steps as you heard his voice "yeah I fucked Y/N on the couch before you all came over" the group gave him high fives and cheered for him before he continued "she is really easy, willing to do anything for me" he was cocky as the group erupted  in laughter and you felt your cheeks heat up. 'That piece of shit' you thought to yourself as you chewed on the inside of your cheek. Stumping outside where the crowd were moving to the loud music you found a guy that would do. He was nothing compared to Luke, but he was enough. You knew it would make Luke desperate with jealousy if he saw you with someone else and he deserved that.

The strange boy was just minding his own business as you walked over. Swaying your hips a little extra, and doing your best to flirt with your eyes despite the pit in your  stomach. He took the bait and began swaying with your body in his arms. Your back was against his chest as his breath hit the side of your face. Unlike Luke's his breath was nauseating to you. It was warm and clammy. Fighting everything in yourself you stayed put. He was kissing  on your neck, wet kisses which was reminded you of how Luke had kissed you just hours ago. Your eyes landed on his blue ones as you stayed pressed against the stranger. He was fuming as he stalked over, his hands were on your wrists before you could protest. "Fuck of mate she is taken" his tone was venomous as he shouted at the poor boy. He walked away tucking your behind "get of me Luke" his head snapped back as pure disbelief was written all over his features "what are you on about baby?" You scoffed "don't you dare, remember I'm just easy and willing. Yeah that right Luke I fucking heard" you didn't even bother to try and stop the tears, mascara was running down your face. A testimony to the pain Luke put you through.  He was quick to pull you away from the party. Shielding you from the crowd, no one was gonna see you like this, that was for his eyes only.

You sat on the bed, trying to calm yourself you rocked back and forth. Luke began walking towards you until you lifted your hand to stop him "I don't fucking want you close to me Luke" He was taken back by your words and hurt, you knew that it would hurt him. You couldn't help the painful words from leaving your lips "I hate you" you looked straight into his blue eyes, Oh those dreamy blue eyes, they almost made you doubt your words, only almost. "Don't say shit like that Y/N, you don't mean that." it was just as much for his own comfort that those words were spoken. But you meant it, you loved him so much that it hurts. The hate you had for him was however almost as big as the love. He had you wrapped around his finger, and he knew it. Before today you had felt ok with that, you trusted him. He had seen you for who you are, many times and he had still loved you, but now you doubted every word he had ever uttered to you. Before you knew it, it was a full blown fight. Yelling hurtful words at each other. Luke walked over to the table in the corner of the room, a see-trough pack emerged from his pocked. The white pill in the back was like a slap in the face for you. He took it. You knew he did shit like that every ones in a while, but to do it right in front of you was a new level of fucked up. While the pill was great for anxiety Luke was abusing the calming effect. The Xanas filled his bloodstream and you watched as his eyes began to swim, groaning you stood up "What is wrong with you huh?" your voice was much more aggressive that intended. "You. you are what is wrong with me" that stung, fresh tears began to prickled at the corners of your eyes. No longer seeing a reason to hold back you let go. Sobs where rushing through your body, the whimps that left your body shocked Luke "Fuck no, baby I didn't mean that." You let him hold you, his soothing voice calmed you down. As your own xanas he lulled you to sleep. 

You stretched as you adjusted to the light. Luke was snoring beside you, you smiled for a second before allowing yourself to dwell on the pain from last night. The eventful nigh flushed your mind and you were confused. Did you want to stay in this? or did you want to leave him? It reminded you of the ridicules love story of Tessa and Hardin, or Tessa and Harry!. Fuck "After" was how you would describe your relationship with Luke. You snorted as you realized how humorous that was, almost forgetting the question you just had asked yourself. You got out of the bed, taking time to look at his sleeping frame. He looked so peaceful a slight smile tucking at the corners of his mouth. Slowly you walked out of his house, leaving him behind for now. 

Only four hours later you were on your way back to him. Calum had called you, slight panic had been evident in his voice "Hi Y/N. Sorry to call you since it seems that you are on a break, but he is loosing it. Do you mind?" Before you even heard his question you were collecting your stuff "No Cal, I'm on my way."  You walked through the doors, not bothering with the politeness of ringing the bell.  "Helloo" you called into the seemingly empty house. No answer, so you continued working your way through the house until you found him. He was lounged across the sun bed, his frame was coved in a grey hoodie and his features was hard. "Baby" your voice rang and his head snapped in your direction. You wanted to be mad at him, wanted to say fuck it and leave him forever. But your heart was his. He was everything to you, the little smile that played on his lips as he heard your voice was enough to make you loss your breath. "Y/N, baby you came back for me" you walked over to him, shutting him up with a soft kiss. He pulled you into his lap, and you sighed content. His strong arms felt like home. You laughed out loud as you remembered your thoughts from this morning "what is is?" a smile evident in his voice as your good mood rubbed off on him, "I realized this morning that our relationship is a reenactment of fucking "After" “ he snorted at you, before laughing along with you. "Don't say that, that's horrible" his voice was careful as you moved into a topic that was like dynamite. You played with his fingers as you hummed "Yeah it is horrible lucky. Wouldn't want anyone else to be my partner in this tho" He smiled against the top of you head, before placing a kiss on your temple. "I will do better baby. We will do better together. We need to make this work. I love you." You knew he meant it, his voice was more sincere that ever. The warm sun of LA was beginning to set as you were still leant against his chest. "I love you, Lu"

[itisannak]

Unexpected (Ashton Irwin Angst/Fluff)

Summary: (Y/N) finds out she is pregnant after her breakup with Ashton. Based on Angst Prompt #35: "About the baby... It's yours." (Request) (Words: 4.6k) ( Part 2 ) (Warning: While editing this, I started crying in the last paragraph, so, brace yourselves.) 

"Check the boxes that correspond to your symptoms and the doctor will call you in shortly." The nurse instructs me, handing me a form and a pen. I gulp thickly, trying to get rid of the lump that has nestled on my throat, while my hand shakily tries to grip on the little clipboard. She smiles at me before leaving, letting me drown in the silence around the waiting room. No one is here, and my mind is divided on whether or not this is a good or bad thing.

I scan the list quickly, my eyes refusing to focus on one item. My palms feel sweaty, damp, and warm as my head feels heavy and dizzy. 'When was your last period' 'Are you experiencing fatigue' 'Are you experiencing dizziness'' Are you experiencing any irregular food aversions' 'Are you experiencing cramping'... The list feels like it goes on forever; my body is trembling, this is so wrong...

The door opens and inside walks a couple; the woman looks around 4 months pregnant, cradling her belly as the man helps her sit comfortably on the chair. They both look happy, smiling at each other as their hands stroke the protruding bump. Definitely, the empty room was better.

"Mrs. (Y/L/N)?" The nurse announces, motioning me to walk inside the office. I hand her the form, which she puts along with some other papers in my file, and then hands it to the doctor who is sitting behind the desk. I sit on the armchair in front of the desk and stare at my hands as the doctor looks at my labs and checklist. "Well, from what I have in front of me, it looks like you are pregnant, Mrs. (Y/L/N). Your hCG is on the same levels as a third-month pregnancy. And your last period seems to fit. I would like to perform an ultrasound to make sure that we are facing pregnancy and not something serious." The doctor says to me. I tense up, feeling like someone is spilling cold water on my spine. "Are... are you sure that my results are correct? Maybe there was a mix-up..." I ask, digging my nails in my palm. The doctor looks at me in a way that shows she is trying to be compassionate but does not spark any feelings of it inside me. "We will confirm it with an ultrasound. But it is very unlikely to be wrong, based on your labs and symptoms." She replies. "Can we do it now?" I ask, composing myself together. "If it is what you want, yes." She assures me. I nod my head, closing my eyes and praying for all of this to be a joke.

The nurse hands me a paper gown and walks me to the examination room, prompting me to change as she walks out. I am left alone for barely 2 minutes, but to me, it felt like a century until the doctor walks in. "Are you ready?" She asks me as I lay on the examination table. "Yes." I simply reply as she preps the machine. "I am going to go transvaginally, to gain a better, clearer picture. You will feel some pressure but it will go away very soon. Spread your legs a little more for me." She instructs me, helping me scoot a little closer to her. "Take a deep breath." She prompts me, breathing along with me. I hold my breath while she does everything, waiting for her to tell me whether she was wrong or not. "There it is. And we have a heartbeat. Would you like to hear it?" She asks me. I feel tears brimming in my eyes, threatening to spill. I hesitate between my options, the news falling heavy on my shoulders. "Can you tell me how far along I am?" I ask and she nods. "Looks like 13 weeks." She replies. "I would like to hear the heartbeat." I reply, closing my eyes and covering them with my hand. The loud thud echoes in the walls, filling the room with it. Some part of me feels happy, screaming excitedly at the sound of my fetus's heart. "Is it... Is it healthy?" I ask. "Normal measurements, strong heartbeat. I would say yes." She replies. "I will give you a minute to process this and see you in my office." She states, getting up and walking out.

I gather my thoughts together, along with all the courage I have in me as I take the steps to the office. "So, I would like to talk to you about your options. First, you can..." She begins but I stop her. "I know my options, doctor. I wanna carry this baby." I state weakly. I can't believe I am saying those words until they are actually out of my mouth. "In that case, I would like to give you some prenatal vitamins, to make sure you and your baby continue to have a normal pregnancy. This far, everything looks good, and I would like to keep it that way. I want to see you again on week 17 for the next check. Do you have any diseases that we should worry about? Any family history that could be hereditary?" She asks me. "None that I know of." I reply. "Father's side?" She asks me. I feel like I have been punched in the gut, stomach twisting as I think of him. "No." I utter and she nods her head. "Great. You take your vitamins, avoid non-pasteurized foods, raw meat, or fish, take plenty of rest. If you drink or smoke you should consider cutting it. No heavy exercise, no activities that wear you down. On the next visit, we will draw some blood and urine, and then have an ultrasound to see if everything is going smoothly. If anything happens to you, you call me, no matter what time it is. Any questions?" She asks me. I feel overwhelmed with information, head buzzing already. "Can I have a picture of the ultrasound?" I ask and she chuckles. "Of course."

I lay on my couch, barely keeping my eyes open now; I've gotten heavy, moving has become a struggle and I am getting tired just by walking from my bed to my couch. All nausea that I skipped on the first few weeks is coming to me now, punching me in the gut all day long; the person who named it morning sickness was a fucking moron. "Can you at least start kicking? Or moving? It's the fun part..." I protest, poking around my stomach. In just a couple of weeks, I have developed a bump, nothing big, but surely it makes my clothes feel tighter. The doorbell ringing makes me groan, knowing that I will have to abandon my comfort, which I have just found, to open the door. I drag my feet along the floor, fixing my top to cover my belly, making the material stretch over the protruding stomach.

I open the door, finding Calum behind it. I stare at him shocked, eyes quickly landing on my stomach to meet his gaze. He stares with his mouth open, eyes going wide. I simply gesture him to come in, which he does, letting me shut the door behind him. "Ashton wanted me to come over and look for some clothes he has left here, said he needs them back." He says after a moment of complete silence. "Yeah, I have them in a tote for you. Let me get it..." I reply, walking to my closet and picking up the bag with my ex's clothes.

"How long?" He asks me. I don't even bother asking him what he is talking about or playing it dumb. "15 weeks..." I reply, not looking at him. "Does he know? Is that the reason you broke up?" He asks. "Calum..." I sigh and he shakes his head no. "He doesn't talk about it. And you haven't been around a while. Just tell me, I am still your friend." He almost demands. I stare at him, breathing in as I try to calm myself. "He doesn't know. I found out just 2 weeks ago. It's too late for us and I decided to keep it, raise it myself. And that's my final decision." I shake as I let out the words, a shiver running down my body as I feel my eyes brimming; stupid hormones. "2 weeks ago? How did you miss that?" He asks me. "Calum, I was sad. I didn't know what was normal function and whatnot. Can we fucking stop this conversation? I've had enough self-pity to last me the rest of my pregnancy." I snap. Calum stares at me shocked; I've never talked to anyone like that before. "Right. Are you both ok?" He asks me, softening as he speaks. "We are. Well, I am nauseous and tired, but the baby was fine last time we had a check-up." I sit on the couch, feeling like I am getting tired every second I stay standing. "Alright then." He smiles at me. "Swear on my baby's life that you won't tell Ashton. Or anyone." I place my hand on my stomach tenderly. "(Y/N), I can't do that. He has the right to know about it. Maybe that will change things, maybe you two will get back together." He takes his pleading eyes. "No. I don't want him involved and I am not asking anything from him, so he doesn't have the right to know. For all he cares, I just fucked around after him and got a baby, if he ever finds out about it. And for sure I don't want him back just for the baby. It was pretty clear we don't have a future together, so he doesn't have a say in this. It's my baby, mine. Just mine." I almost burst down in tears, trembling as I stare at Calum with tear-glazed eyes. "Ok, ok, you are right. At least, just let me help you. You don't have to be alone in this, and I certainly don't want you going through it by yourself. Let me help you, run your errands, come with you at doctor's visits. Just let me do that." He sits next to me, hugging me and running his hand over my arm. "Not on doctor's visits. But I'll take all the help I can." I mumble and he nods. "Is there anything I can do for you now? Anything." He suggests. "I have been too tired and dizzy to go grocery shopping. Can you do that for me?" I ask him and he nods. "Anything, darling. If it means I get to be the godfather, of course." I know he is just teasing me, and I can't help but laugh; I haven't done that in a hot minute. "God, you are a tough negotiator, aren't you, Hood?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

Once more, I find myself sitting alone in a waiting room full of expecting parents, mothers, and fathers quietly chatting about their babies, stroking their bumps, and sharing their thoughts together. Every time I am here, I get reminded that I am going through all of this by myself, every time I leave the doctor's office, I have to stop myself from driving to Ashton's place and telling him.

My hand rests on my stomach, rubbing my thumb over the top of it. I really want to cry, I wish Ashton was here, supporting me through this. "Ms. (Y/L/N)?" The nurse calls, exiting the examination room. I pick up my purse, walking fast inside. The nurse helps me get on the table, fixing my clothes and placing tissues on the edge of my blouse and jeans.

"So, (Y/N)... Your samples came back, I will give you some iron supplement for your iron levels. But other than that, everything looks good. And your weight should go up a little, but nothing that worries me for now. How are you feeling?" The doctor asks me as she takes a seat on the little stool by the exam bed. "I feel nauseous, almost all day long, and so tired..." I reply and she hums. "Iron will fix the nauseousness and that will give you a little more energy. Shall we take a look at your baby?" She asks, grabbing the bottle of gel. I nod my head, sitting up a little better so I can take a look at the screen. "You are 17 weeks, right?" She asks me and I hum. "Crown to rump, the measurements are great; 5 inches long, 5 ounces and a quarter heavy, which is really nice, up to the standard... And the heartbeat is still, very strong. Mommy is doing a good job. Do you want me to tell you the gender?" She asks me, looking up to me; I freeze for a second, thinking about it. "Sure..." I mumble and she smiles. "It looks like you are having a boy." She cheers for me, giving me a big smile. My heart drops to my stomach; a part of me feels warm and happy, a baby boy is something Ashton and I always dreamed of, and another part of me fears the moment I will look down at my son's face and he will remind me of his father.

"Brought you pizza and some groceries... How was the doctor's visit?" Calum asks as he places the pizza box on the coffee table; I have given him a copy of my keys, just in case I need him, so it is nearly normal for him to drop by whenever he has a spare hour. "Thank you. It was fine, the doctor gave me some iron capsules and told me I need to put on a little more weight, but everything is ok. I found out the gender today." I state as he takes a seat on the couch. "Really? Boy or girl?" He asks, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Boy. 5 inches tall and 5 and a half ounces heavy. Really strong heartbeat." I reply and he hums happily, smiling so big that his cheeks look chubby. "Darling, that is amazing. Congrats." He cheers, pulling me in for a hug. "I guess so." I huff, falling back to rest my back against the couch cushion.

"(Y/N), have you thought... about telling him..." Calum looks at me softly, gulping thickly. "Every time I drive back from the doctor. Or whenever I can't sleep at night because of the extra belly... But I told you, I don't want him back just because of the baby." I reply. I watch him contemplate for a moment like he is scared of spilling his mind. "What is it, Cal?" I sigh and he shakes his head, brushing me off. "Nothing." He mumbles, knitting his eyebrows together. "You don't look like you have nothing to say. Just tell me." I sigh frustrated, looking at him interrogatively. "Ashton has a girlfriend now. He seems ok, happy I guess. I don't think he is coming back." He shrugs, trying to sound comforting. "One more reason not to tell him. He has moved on, this will complicate things. It's better that way." I reply; I feel my throat dry up, a knot forming on it. "I am sorry." He seems sympathetic, truly sorry. "Don't be. It's not your fault he moved on." I reply, biting my tongue as I try not to break down crying in front of him. "Yeah, but I told you he did." He mumbles under his breath. "It's ok, Cal, I promise. Can I have some of that pizza? Just the smell makes me salivate." I point at the box and he nods. "Can I ask you something?" I ask Calum as he gets back from putting my groceries in place. "Sure." "Why are you doing this? I mean, why are you here, helping me, treating me so nicely?" I ask him while he sits on the couch. "I am not in love with you if that's what you are asking. You were there for me at my darkest moments, and I want to be here for you now that you are going through this. I know it can get hard, and I know it can be harder if you are alone. And I don't want this for my best friend... Nor my godchild..." He giggles at the end, making me laugh as well.

I can barely walk from the front gate of Calum's house to his door, the now huge belly getting me off balance. Every morning I wake up, I swear that I will pop, so even walking is hard now. But since little peanut is about to come, I decided to get Calum a little something, officially ask him to be the baby's godfather. He has truly been my rock, helping me through everything even though he gains nothing out of this. He opens the door for me, smiling brightly.

"Hey, mama. Looking good." He cheers as he moves to help me stand straight. "Thanks, I am trying my best. Sorry for dropping by with such short notice." I apologize as we walk in, closing the door behind. "It's fine. You could have just called me and I would come over, no need to come by now that you are due." He states, helping me sit down on the couch. "I wanted to get out of the house. And walking helps with labor, and nowadays I will do anything to get this little guy out." I chuckle and he hums. "Can I get you anything?" He asks and I nod. "Just some cold water. But before you go, I want to give you something." I reach in my purse, fishing the little gift bag out. "You shouldn't have." He coos and I shake my head no. "This one was really needed." I hand him the gift and wait for him to open it. "It's small, but I wanted you to have it." I state as he opens the small bag. He reaches in for the box, fiddling with it before opening it. "World's best godfather... Wow..." He chuckles. "I never really asked you officially, so here you go." I smile and he coos. "It's great. And it's a great honor to become this little fellow's godfather. I promise to do my best." He leans down to hug me, rubbing his hand over my back.

I wince as he pulls back, jolting a little at the sudden cramp. "What? Did I squeeze you too hard?" He asks me. "No, I have those little cramps today. I'll be fine, don't worry." I assure him, resting back. "Ok, I'll bring you the water. Try to relax..." He walks to the kitchen, leaving me on the couch, with Duke whining as he begs for a pat on the head.

I reach down, giving the pup a scratch behind his ears. I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen, spreading from my lower stomach. And then I feel wetness spreading down my thighs, making me goggle. "Cal..." I scream, panicking as I try to sit up. "What?" He shouts back, peeping from the kitchen. "Something is wrong..." I whimper, feeling my breath become shallow. "What do you mean wrong?" He asks worriedly, rushing to me. "I think my water just broke..." I wince, the pain only worsening. "Fuck... Oh, fuck..." He brings a hand to rub over his face. "I think I messed your couch, I am so sorry." "Yeah, I don't care about the couch right now... A human is about to come out of you..." He helps me stand straight and breathe a little better. "I think I should head to the hospital..." I let out after I finally ride through the pain. "I am driving you there." He suggests, picking up my purse and his keys and phone as we walk out. He lets me put my weight on him as we walk slowly out of the door, knowing that rush movement will not really help.

"Cal? (Y/N)?" I hear someone call, a voice almost too familiar, yet so alien. I raise my gaze, finding Ashton looking at us shocked. I let out a scream, partially due to a contraction, partially because the universe literally chose the worst moment for me to stumble upon Ashton. "Breathe..." Calum reminds me. "Are you going to keep staring at us, or help me get her in the car?" Calum barks at Ashton who scans me in an effort to figure out what is going on. He hesitates to touch me, which only makes me feel more awkward; as if that was needed right now.

Holding my son feels rewarding, after all these hours of labor. He is fast asleep after being breastfed, but I refuse to hand him to the nurse, I refuse to let them take him away from me, even if it means they are taking him to the nursery so I can rest. "Ma'am, I promise he will be fine. I will spend the night with him, I swear." The nurse pleads, huffing in frustration. I am on the verge of crying, but finally give in, handing the bundle of joy back to the nurse. "He is so tiny... Please be careful." I sniffle, looking over as she puts him in the little bassinet. "We will bring him over again in the morning... Try to rest a bit." She suggests, rolling him away.

I sit in silence, thinking about how it will be now that I will have a little human totally depending on me. Up until now, I thought that the hardest part would be being pregnant, but I have barely been alone for an hour, and my heart is already aching that he is away. "Do you have a moment for a visitor?" Calum knocks on the door, almost hiding behind a huge bear. I chuckle, wiping away my eyes as he comes in. "Did you see your godson?" I ask, smiling at him. "He is gorgeous... You are a hero, really." He leans into peck on my forehead, leaving the teddy on the armchair next to the bed. "I begged them to let him stay in the room with me, but they didn't listen..." "Probably for the best, you need to rest." He replies, smiling at me. "You too. You shouldn't have stayed so many hours." I state but he brushes my comment off. "I wanted to. I had to make sure you were both fine." He explains and I nod. "What did you tell Ashton?" I ask, looking at my fingers. "Nothing. I told him it is your story to tell. He is actually waiting outside with me. (Y/N), I truly think you should tell him." He sighs. I feel my eyes brimming with tears, my heart dropping to my stomach just at the thought. "Isn't it a bit too late?" I ask and he shakes his head. "Never too late." He assures me. "You are only suggesting I tell him because you are tired of helping me." I joke and he chuckles. "The choice is yours, darling. But I will never be tired of helping you or the baby." He softens, pressing his lips on my forehead.

Calum walks out after a while, leaving me alone again. I fix the pillow behind my back, grabbing my phone from the nightstand next to me, hoping to distract myself until the adrenaline from the labor subdues and I finally feel sleepy. "Do you have a minute for me?" I hear someone from the door of the room, making me avert my eyes from the phone. The voice alone causes my heart to jump out of my chest, a familiar warmth spreading in my body. Even after so long, even after all these months of not being in his presence, I still feel the same as I did every time I saw him. "Come in." I smile, letting my phone back on the table. He is hesitant, I can tell, walking inside slowly, calculating where he should sit.

The is a moment of silence between us, no one even daring to take a breath. "It's good to see you after all these months." He is the one to break the silence, making me nod my head. "You too." I mumble. "I wondered why you disappeared, our friends found it strange you caught off from them. Now I see you had your reasons to do that." He mumbles, still not looking at me. I take a deep breath, my head feeling dizzy as I think of a way to let it out. "Congrats on the baby." He smiles at me, looking at me for the first time since we started talking. "About the baby... It's yours..." I barely whisper the last part, my body trembling as I finally admit it. "I know." He responds. "How?" "I did the math in my head when I saw you at Calum's house. And I saw the baby. He is my spitting image, and I felt it in my bones that he is mine." He replies and I let out a shaky breath. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He asks me, putting me on the spot straight away. "I wanted to... Every time I left the doctor's office, I wanted to come and tell you. But I always postponed it... And then Calum told me you have someone new in your life, and I really didn't want to ruin it for you. So, I decided to do everything on my own. Either way, I made the choice to keep him without asking you or taking your opinion. I want you to know that I am not asking you for anything, you don't have any obligation to us." I rush to explain, making him chuckle. "I have someone in my life, yeah. But this is my kid too, and I told you I felt him in my bones he is mine, I want him to be mine. And I know you are not asking for anything, but I want to be in his life, I want to be in yours, help you with everything you need. I know we are not together anymore, but he was made out of love, he is a product of true love. I know you and I will not be together as a couple again, but the baby, this baby will have both his parents, and he will get love from both his parents." He assures me, reaching to take my hand in his. "Thank you." I whisper. "You don't have to thank me. Listen, the next few days will be a PR nightmare, people might call you or contact you for a comment. Let me handle all of that. Don't get tangled in this mess." He suggests. "I don't think I will have time for that, either way." I chuckle. "Does he have a name?" He asks but I shake my head no. "No... But he has a godfather. I chose Calum, he was there for me throughout this. I know you don't mind." I reply and he laughs softly. "I don't. Either way, he would have been the godfather... Do you have everything you need for the baby?" He asks me, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, everything is ready, Calum will bring me my bag tomorrow." I reply, yawning a little. "I should get going, you should rest. Do you mind if I come again in the morning? I want to see the baby again." He asks me, unsure of how I am going to respond. "Not at all. Come straight here, so you can hold him if you want." I suggest and he nods. "I would love that, thank you." He gives me a smile, standing up from the chair. He leans in, pressing a kiss on my forehead before he turns to leave, letting me by myself once more. Only this time, yearning for the moment I will see him again.

My Masterlist /  Part 2

[talkfastromance4]

For Your Eyes Only--bodyguard!Ashton [Chapter Two]

Summary: Ashton Irwin is the head of security for Princess Alouette who is a kind, gentle young woman. Secretly pining for one another, those feelings will soon come to light as an occurrence will change Alouette’s life forever, and Ashton’s.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: a guy hitting on Alouette

Author’s note: This story is near and dear to  my heart, please give it a chance!❤❤❤❤❤

Masterlist

Chap. 1

If you’d like to chat with me, please do so here. I’d love feedback!

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The next day is spent of them shopping along the streets of Barcelona and Ashton had his three best confidants, Michael, Calum and Luke to follow the Princess and Neva around while they did their shopping. It was a warm day with the sun beating down on them and at one point Ashton pulled out a tube of sunscreen striding up to Alouette who just put her hair in a ponytail.

“Here my lady, for your neck and nose,” he hands her the tube which she takes, her bracelet sparkles in the Spanish sun.

“You’re a lifesaver,” she sighs popping the tab and applies it right away.

“Security man,” Neva pipes up looking to Ashton.

“Yes, Neva?”

“Since it’s so warm, how about we go to the beach? There’s a private one not too far from my home.”

“Neve,” Alouette shoots her best friend a warning look as she applies the sunscreen to her nose and cheeks. Neva knows how Ashton is about her safety and now she’s spewing out a random beach trip?

“How many people frequent there?” Ashton immediately goes into security detail mode.

“A handful, maybe ten. It’s mainly just me and a neighbor or two but usually it’s just me. I promise it’s safe otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested it,” Neva smiles radiantly.

Alouette sighs, Ashton glances at her then at Neva.

“I’ll make a call. This is the only spontaneous thing we’ll be doing this weekend,” he warns taking back the sunscreen that Alouette hands him when she’s finished.

“Wait, really?” Alouette’s eyebrows raise in shock that he actually agreed to the plan.

“Really,” he answers her softly, “I know how much you love the beach, my lady. Let me make a few calls while you finish shopping then we can head back to the villa.”

 •••

Ashton’s breath hitches when he sees Alouette yanking off her sundress to reveal a peach colored swimsuit. It fits her perfectly with small gems adorning the breasts that shimmer and sparkle in the sunlight. He tries—and fails—to keep his eyes from lowering to her ass as she runs to the edge of the water but it’s toned and tan and—

“Put your shades on if you’re going to check her out, mate,” Calum snickers standing next to him in the sand.

“What are you on about?” Ashton clears his throat.

“You were totally checking the Princess out while she was running just now. Are you ever going to act on your feelings for her?”

“I don’t have feelings for her,” Ashton slips his shades down anyway though. “I’m her head security guard, nothing can ever happen.”

“It’s been three years, Ash. Three years that you’ve been in love with her and I think she feels the same way.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“She never takes off that bracelet you got her and Luke says she always gets antsy when you’re not around.”

“First of all, that was a gift and second of all it’s because she trusts me to protect her, not because she’s in love with me.”

“Look, I get the risks that could come with it but you know her like the back of your hand and she knows you, too.”

“It’s my job, Calum. Drop it and keep an eye out,” Ashton commands and turns his gaze back to Alouette who is splashing in the water with Neva. He clasps his hands together in front of him and tries not to think about what Calum has said.

•••

Later that night after everyone sang ‘Feliz cumpleaños’ to Neva, Alouette is at the dessert table trying to find a sweet treat to eat. Ashton is nearby and tenses when he notices a young man approaching her.

The man’s white linen shirt is completely open revealing tattoos on his chest and gold chains hang around his neck accompanied by a confident smirk as he approaches her. He sidles up next to her saying something in her ear;  Ashton isn’t close enough to hear what he’s saying but Alouette smiles brightly and turns to him.

Ashton keeps watch as the interaction unfolds in front of him. The guy rests his hand on Alouette’s lower back, a little too low for Ashton’s liking and he clenches his jaw. Then the guy runs his finger over Alouette’s lips as he drunkenly sings

“Alouette, gentile alouette,

Alouette, je te plumerai…”

Alouette’s body language sets Ashton into action as the guy’s hand lowers onto her bum and his face inches closer to hers. She’s trying to get out of his grasp and Ashton can hear her protests but the guy persists with his slurred singing. Ashton is in between them instantly, pushing the guy forcefully back.

“I think it’s time for you to go,” Ashton warns, his voice icy.

“Ah c’mon, chico! It’s a party! She needs to loosen up, let’s go querida.”

“I don’t think you heard me,” Ashton’s voice turns severe as he steps closer towering over him. “You don’t touch her, you don’t approach her. Leave or I’ll make you.”

Ashton turns around to ask Alouette if she’s all right when the guy darts around Ashton and tries to grab her. Alouette screams and Ashton elbows the man in the jaw making him stumble away from her but Ashton is quick and grabs him by his collar throwing a punch to his nose. Blood flows instantly and Luke is in front of Ashton.

“Get him out of here,” Ashton mumbles shoving him away into Luke’s strong arms.

The guy is slurring curses in Spanish but Ashton couldn’t care less because he turns to Alouette who is visibly shaken after the altercation. He approaches her slowly with his hand out as if he’s offering his trust to a frightened dog, her eyes are downcast to the cobbled stone of the balcony.

“Are you all right, my lady?” he asks her gently making sure to keep a safe distance from her in case she was scared of him.

Her eyes slide up to meet his as another shiver courses through her body. Tears are pooling in her big blue eyes and Ashton’s heart aches.

“I’m fine,” she whispers folding her arms across her chest.

That’s a telltale sign she’s withdrawing within herself and Ashton knows she needs to be somewhere quiet. With the loud music and even louder party guests, he knows it won’t be happening here.

“Let’s head inside, yeah?” he motions his arm forward while his other hand hovers behind her as she takes tentative steps to the doors leading inside.

He figured they’d go to the kitchen so he could get her a glass of water but when she walks past the kitchen he’s curious to see where she’s headed. They walk past the living room and the dining room, her heels clacking on the tiled floor until she turns left into the large bathroom. Ashton stops at the doorway wanting to respect her privacy but she keeps the door open and he purses his lips watching her.

She washes her hands quickly-- it’s as if she’s trying to find something to do-- and dries them before moving to the toilet. She sits down with her head in her hands as she cries silently into them.

Without a second thought Ashton rushes into the room closing the door so no one disturbs her and kneels in front of her.

“Are you hurt? Did he hurt you? Where’s the pain?” he asks frantically, eyes scanning over her body but he doesn’t see blood or any mark of concern. She continues to cry in her hands and Ashton starts to get even more worried. “My lady, talk to me please so I can help.”

She takes a shuddering breath before removing her shaking hands from her face. Her cheeks and eyelashes are wet but her makeup isn’t smudged because Ashton knows she wears high quality stuff. He looks into her sad eyes trying to figure out what’s going on in her head.

“I’m so tired,” she sighs finally and rubs under her eyes with her palms.

“Let’s get you to bed then. We can—“

“No, Ashton,” she sniffs, “Not that kind of tired. I’m tired of . . . being me, sometimes. It’s so hard to keep this face on all the time, where nothing appears to bother me but so many things do. I’m tired of being wary. I’m tired of always thinking someone is out to get me and I’m. . . I’m tired of waking up scared. Every day.”

“I can promise you that you don’t have to worry about getting hurt, it’s my job to protect you and I will never let anything happen to you,” he says with conviction and grabs her a tissue.

 He desperately wants to hold her so he can console her better, but he can’t.

“I know,” she sighs, “that’s another thing I’m tired of.”

“My protection?”

“I appreciate your protection, more than you’ll know but I hate how it’s your whole life. Have you slept at all since we got here?” she asks.

To his surprise her thumb touches the dark circles he knows he has under his eyes. He jumps at her delicate touch as her other thumb moves to his other eye.

“An hour here and there,” he says swallowing thickly. He feels his skin warm where her gentle touch continues to linger.

“You need to sleep, Ashton,” she reprimands gently.

“I’ll get around to it,” he shrugs. “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, my lady, I wish I could take it all away for you.”

Her thumbs stop rubbing under his eyes and her fingers move up to his forehead probing along his hairline. Ashton watches her, heart pounding in his ears as she admires his face and trails her fingers along his cheeks.

“Why don’t you call me by my name?” she asks stroking his cheek with the backs of her fingers while her other hand brushes his hair away from his forehead.

“Because it’d be crossing the line of my profession,” he says. 

He regrettably grabs hold of her wrists to pull her soft touches off him. This is the first time he’s touched her this way and he can feel the cool of her bracelet beneath his fingertips.

“It’s been three years Ashton, I think we’re past the professionalism of our relationship.”

He closes his eyes at the word relationship and takes a deep breath. He pushes his desires down, he can’t give in to them, he simply can’t because it would complicate things. He doesn’t realize he’s stroking the inside of her wrists until he opens his eyes to look into hers. Her face is dangerously close to his.

“I can’t,” he whispers pulling away.

“Why not? It’s just my name.”

He sighs then releases her wrists and stands up, she gazes up at him with a saddened look.

“It’s a beautiful name, my lady, for a beautiful woman. But I can’t, it will change things. I’ll be outside if you want to return to the party.” 

Each step away from her pangs his heart and when he opens the door, he has to force himself not to look at her. He hears her sniff and curses himself because now he’s the reason for her tears.

[calpalirwin]

Parent Teacher Conference

A/N: Anon request- Okay but single dad ashton au where he doesnt wanna risk getting his kid involved with a woman but ur the new teacher for them and yall meet and he falls madly for u

Content: All the feels! And swearing.

And away, and away we go!

~~~

“C’mon, Seb, get a move on,” I called out, peeking my head into the bathroom.

My carbon-copy of a son with a mop of brown-blond curls turned to me, toothbrush in his mouth, and grinned. “Dad! I’m in big kid school now!” his voice muffled around the toothbrush.

“Yeah, and you’re gonna be late if you don’t step it up a notch.”

4th grade. My 9 year old was going into 4th grade. I choked back the memories, refusing to cry, because “Dad, stop crying, it’s only 4th grade.”

“You’re right, bud, it’s only 4th grade,” I had told him, tucking him into bed last night. To him, it was only 4th grade. For me, this was also the anniversary of the day his mom left us 8 years ago.

I looked at my son, his brand new sneakers that would have scuff marks on them when I picked him up later, a long sleeved flannel tied around his waist. God, if it weren’t for the fact that he was clearly me- the eyes and the giggle were a dead give away- I swear he was Luke’s. “Uncle Lu tell you to dress like that?” I asked.

The curls bounced as his head bobbed up and down. “He said it was cool. And I wanna be cool, Dad. It’s 4th grade.”

I imitated my head exploding. God, when did this kid grow up? Seemed like just yesterday his entire body could fit in my hands.

“Dad? Dad!”

I shook my head, clearly the thoughts. “Yeah, bud?”

“Can we go now?” he asked, a Spider-Man backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

“C’mon, then,” I smiled.

~~~

It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried dating since Seb’s mom left us. I had. I was just very selective. I didn’t want to bring a woman home, have things go wrong, and be left to pick up not only my broken pieces but my son’s as well.

My heart was one thing. I’d been known to be reckless with it. But, my son’s was another matter entirely. He was too young to know heartache.

Plus every time I had to cancel a date last minute because Seb got sick, or left a date early because Seb called me in tears asking where I was, didn’t lend itself to much romance. Girls could go on and on about how hot single dads were, but what they failed to realize is that my son would always be my number 1 priority.

~~~

“Mr. Irwin, I’d like to talk to you about Sebastian. Is there anyway you can meet with me after school? Say 2:45?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. School had only been in session for a month. It couldn’t be time for parent-teacher conferences already. Which only meant one thing- something had happened with Seb. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Who was that?” Calum asked me.

“Seb’s teacher. She wants to talk with me after school.”

“Isn’t his teacher hot?” Mike asked.

“What? No… I mean, she’s attractive, sure. But, she’s his teacher.”

“Ooo, Ash like the teacher!” Luke teased.

I felt my face flush. Alright, maybe I did a little. She was attractive, stunningly so, and she was a teacher. Which meant she understood kids. And maybe, that just might mean she understood single dads.

~~~

“Hello?” I asked, sticking my head in the classroom at 2:45.

The bell had rung fifteen minutes ago and I still hadn’t seen my son. Now, I saw why, as he was hunched in his desk reading, a scowl on his face.

“Dad!” his face lit up when he heard my voice.

“Keep reading, Sebastian,” his teacher’s voice said firmly.

“Yes ma’am…”

“Mr. Irwin, glad you could make,” she smiled softly at me. “Please, have a seat.”

I moved to sit in chair she had just besides her desk. “So, you wanted to talk?” I asked.

“Yes. It seems your son had an incident with a classmate on the playground today.”

“Seb?” I asked, fighting to keep my voice level.

“Alex is a jerk! And she took away my recess!” he shouted at me.

“Sebastian,” both his teacher and I warned, and then I had to work at keeping the smile off my face.

“Anyway,” she said, turning her attention back to me. “There was an incident. Both boys lost their recess privileges for the rest of this week and next week.”

“You keep saying ‘incident,’ what happened exactly?”

“I keep saying ‘incident,’ Mr. Irwin, because your son is an incredibly… strong-willed individual.”

“You can just say he’s stubborn. And it’s Ash, please.”

“I prefer the term strong-willed, Ash,” she smiled at me again and I liked the way it was genuine and soft, her eyes crinkling at the edges. And I liked the way my name sounded rolling off her lips. And I was in trouble.

“So, my stubborn son won’t tell you what happened?”

“Precisely. And I’m not one to involve admin if I can help it. But in order to not involve admin, I need to know what happened. That’s where I’m hoping you can come in.”

“Seriously, Seb? She just said she’s not gonna send you to the principal, and you’re mad she took away recess from you?”

“She wouldn’t take my recess away if she knew what Alex said!” His book was now closed and clenched in his fists, vibrating with his tiny rage.

“Sebastian, I would love to know what Alex said,” she told him, keeping herself calm even though my son was far from it himself. Was that a special gift all teachers had, or just her? “But, every time I ask, you just tell me he was being a jerk. Maybe you’d like to tell your dad instead?”

“He is a jerk!” he screamed, throwing his book. “He’s… he’s… he’s a fuckin asshole!”

“Sebastian James Irwin! What the hell has gotten into you? Start explaining yourself, now!”

His face scrunched up as he realized I was now angry with him. “He said I didn’t have a mom!” he wailed at me before bursting into tears and running out of the classroom.

I fell back in my seat, watching him run off, my heart shattering in my chest. He was right. This Alex kid was a fuckin asshole.

“You okay?” her voice sounded, her hand touching mine.

“I thought I was doing everything right…”

“You are. Sebastian is by far one of the best students I’ve had. He’s so kind and polite to everybody. He’s funny, too. Which is why today surprised me. It seemed so out of character.”

“I better go after him,” I sighed, getting up.

“I’ll come with,” she offered, getting up herself.

It was the first time a girl had offered to come with me before when dad duty called. I couldn’t help it. I smiled at her.

“Now, I see where Sebastian gets his smile from,” she smiled back.

~~~

We found him huddled in the corner of the highest part of the play structure.

“Would you get down, please?” I asked from the ground. Climbing up there myself was going to be a bitch.

“No! Go away! I hate you!”

“Love you too, bud!”

“Where’s my mom?”

“I don’t know, bud. Come down so we can talk, please.”

“No!”

“That wasn’t a question, Seb.”

“I don’t care!”

“You have to the count of 3 to get down here, or I’m coming up there,” I said, really hoping I didn’t have to go up there after him. “1.”

“No!”

“2!”

“I hate you!”

3!” I started my ascent. My kid, the fuckin brat that he was, waited until I was on the middle platform before launching himself down the slide. “You stay right there,” I warned, moving to go back down.

“Sebastian,” I heard her voice say as he started to run. “Are we making smart choices right now, or are we acting on impulse?”

“Impulse…” he answered, stopping in his tracks.

“And, what do we want to do?”

“Make smart choices…”

“So, what do we do to calm our impulses, so we can make smart choices?”

“Breathe…”

“Alright, breathe with me. Ready?”

“Yeah…”

“And, inhale, 3, 4, 5, 6. Hold. Exhale, 4, 3, 2 , 1,” she coached as I watched. Was she trying to make me fall in love with her? “Better?”

“Better…”

“Alright, you ready to tell us what’s wrong?”

“Alex said-” he started, already getting upset again.

She held up a finger. “Calmly, Sebastian. What upset you?”

“My feelings were hurt when Alex said I didn’t have a mom.”

“Why?”

“Because it made me feel sad.”

“Why?”

“Because I have Dad. And Uncle Cal, Lu, and Mikey. And grandma. And Auntie Lauren, and Uncle Harry. And Auntie Crystal and Auntie Sierra.”

“Wow, sounds like you have a lot of people who love you.”

“But, I don’t have a mom…”

“Lots of people don’t have moms. Or dads. Spider-Man didn’t have his parents. Was he still loved?”

“Yeah…”

“So, what’s wrong?”

“Am I broken?”

“No, Seb,” I finally spoke up. Great. My life had come full circle. I was the man without a dad, raising a son without a mom. And now he was asking himself the same questions I used to ask myself. I crouched down to be eye level with him. “You know why you don’t have a grandpa?”

“Because… I dunno…”

“Because I don’t have a dad.”

“Where is your dad?”

“I dunno. But what I do know is that I’m not broken. And neither are you.”

“Are they in Heaven or…?” he asked, struggling with the concept of someone just abandoning him like it was nothing. Death made sense. But just straight up leaving your kid? Hell, even I still couldn’t wrap my head around it.

“No. I wish that were the case, but, no. They just left.”

“So, they didn’t want us…? Why?”

“I dunno, bud. But, I know that I want you. And I know that all your aunties, uncles, and grandma want you. We love you, Seb, and you’re always gonna have us. Promise.”

He nodded, seeming to accept that our love would be enough for him. Then, “Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“Can Miss Y/L/N come with us to get ice cream?”

“Oh, you think you’re getting ice cream after this stunt? Keep dreamin, pal!”

“But, you promised if I got on A on my test we’d get ice cream. Show him, Miss! Show him my test!”

She laughed and nodded. “Sebastian did get an A on his fractions test. Perfect score in fact.”

“See? Pay up, Daddy-o!” Seb laughed at me.

“Who taught you to call me ‘Daddy-o’, Seb?” I asked, giggling.

“Uncle Lu!”

I laughed again. Of course it was. “Alright. But only 1 scoop.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said skipping off.

“So, would it be too forward if I asked you to ice cream? I mean, the kid… he’s been through a lot today. You don’t wanna break his heart, do ya?”

She laughed. “You rely on him to get all your dates?”

“Only the ones that are worth it. You’re great with him. He really likes having you as a teacher.”

“I really like having him as a student. I hear his dad’s pretty cute, too.”

“Cute dad, huh? Did you hear he’s single?”

“Oh, wow. Did you hear his teacher’s single too, and happens to love ice cream?”