#came here to talk about it bc at least i dont risk there being as many fuckheads replying to me

[lilgynt]

birthdays haven’t been too bad the last few years but with picking my dad up from rehab last year i’ve been getting antsy about it again and my work is gonna leave balloons and a note on my desk and i do work that day and i thought i had the saving grace of my brother doing a thing with me the DAY after but due to work things were now doin it on the day and it’s just looming closer and closer 😰

[timingmatters]

Fave things from the finale bc it was a lil rushed but i enjoyed it a lot!!!

- hen sneaking in late had me DYING. Top 5 scenes of the entire show it was so funny how she sat with her hands between her legs when she was caught LMAOO

- and all of bobby’s kids just being distracted af with Bobby desperately trying to get out like 2 words without being interrupted or ignored sjdjdjdjd

- maddie and Athena!!! Omg both took a moment when they heard about the emergencies and then immediately jumped into action they are so badass!!!

- buck!! BUCK!!!! He is usually very sensitive and irrational when emergencies to those he loves are happening but the moment literally everyone important in his life (except for maddie and the show’s kids) went down and he IMMEDIATELY jumped to action!! He acted like the captain!!! Like it was Hen but he was giving all the instructions on what to do and personally went to rescue each single member himself!!!! The season started with him being told he couldn’t be captain yet. And i 100000% agreed when it happened because others simply have more experience but this!!!! This?????? He BODIED being the captain here. Like maddie and athena he didn’t allow himself to break down. Even when it came about bobby being mia!!!! BOBBY HIS FATHER!!!

- the moment athena said she found bobby all jumped into action oh my god. Eddie could barely walked and rushed there. Hen was seeing doubles and rushed there. Chim was bleeding from being pretty much impaled and still tried to get out of the gurney to try to go help the second he heard bobby’s name!!! Buck pretty much lead the operation to get bobby out!!!!!

- something amazing about the fact that the kid risked it all to help others. I thought from spoilers he was gonna KNOW it was bobby and the 118 that had rescued him and thats why he was gonna help. But he didn’t until the end!!!! He did it because he wanted to!!! And when both him and bobby realized it they didn’t have to say anything!!! Just understood!!!! With the name of the ep being pay it forward that was so touching!! Bobby and the 118 risked dying to save that kid once. And he risked dying to help others and try to help bobby not even knowing who he was!!!! Makes me believe in humanity again for real (which side note but i was reading about comfort women earlier, which ik historically a lot about them already but i was reading a thread about a book full of anecdotes of survivors and those who didn’t and my god i needed to be reminded humanity is not just full of completely vile and evil people).

- Chim’s dopey smile holding maddie’s hand is everything. Wonder if that was a love thing or an acting choice to be dopey bc he was on morphine LMAOO. Still the cutest ever.

- buck has a little too much chemistry with kameron IM SORRY SHFHDHDH. Obviously i dont want them together and is absolutely not gonna happen but like…. The actors had a spark for a sec there. More than i felt with natalia at least LMAOOO. Which, i just learned in the past oliver once lost a role (or the audition didn’t go as planned) because he had done a chemistry test with natalia’s actress and failed it. They need to start doing chemistry tests with buck’s love interests especially if they wanna sell it that he has no feelings for eddie LMAOO. Eddie and marisol had chemistry for example like they need to do better by buck.

- WHICH ALSO, BUCK WAS ALSO A BOSS DELIVERING THE BABY?????? HE WA JUST SUCH A BOSS THIS EP??? Never freaked out just constantly jumping straight to action!!! What a growth!!!!! And like not just jumping to action but like fast thinking of a plan rather than just acting on pure impulse!! WHICH IS THE BIGGEST GROWTH??? Also side note but every time evan buckely is near a women giving birth that birth happens FAST lmao. Most labors i feel like they take hours but every time buck is involved that baby comes out in like 2 minutes after the water breaks jdjdjd. Which is funny considering all elder people who talk to him die LMAOOO. Angel of life and death fr fr.

- natalia and buck have like 0 chemistry HOWEVER that woman is so pretty got me kicking my feet fr LMAO. And this doesn’t deserve to be praised at all bc it should be as normalized as its on the show but i love that she’s poc and mid size/plus size (i dont think she is plus size but def not on the skinnier size). As a brown person and plus size myself idk i liked seeing her as a love interest just as much as the skinny white girls on the show. Is genuinely not a big deal but i have been rejected for not being skinny and white like the last 2 times i tried starting something so seeing natalia pulling buck with min effort like that made me happy djfjfjfj. Still don’t want them as endgame tho lmao terrible chemistry.

- saw the way buck looked at that baby too!!!!! Love the quick acknowledgment of having a sec realizing genetically thats a part of him that became a new life, but not letting it be a huge deal bc he KNOWS its not his kid.

- fucking love they are meditating now lmao.

- YES HEN S7 NEW BABY STORYLINEEE!!!

- marisol and eddie are cute. But where tf is carla its been a while i miss her. Sad she wasn’t in this finale.

- chim and maddie could just marry at bobby’s place is bigger lmao.

- love christopher encouraging his dad to date. Again i dont really want marisol and eddie, but she has good chemistry with him!!!

- wished we had seen some buck and Christopher for finale tho :((((( no finale should happen without christopher and buck having a moment. Like i wish buck had been playing vid games there when eddie called marisol and the “how is he so bad at this” christopher said was talking to buck.

- natalia has my body type for real im sorry it does make me happy dhfjfjh. Hope he doesn’t find a good couch with her tho. S7 can rescue the couch theory!!!!!!!

- S7 BETTER HAVE SOME PICS AND CUTE STORIES OF BOBBY AND ATHENA’S MORE THAN WELL DESERVED TRIP!!!! YES!!!

[theonetrueyeet]

spider ramble... particularly about false widows

in a Mood™ abt spiders currently, ESPECIALLY false widows. been going back over my arachnid section of the invertebrate module bc i have exams soon and its late and im frustrated abt how false widows get portrayed by the media and percieved by the british public... this is gonna be long and rambly and probably not make much sense and go off in a million and one diff directions sorry i just feel like talking abt spiders. this also came about bc of the big fuckoff house spider that was in my room last night on the top of my door frame but since it was late (like. midnight) and also out of my reach i went eh. ill deal with it in the morning. and then i woke up in the morning and no more spider to deal with! which i should be more stressed about i feel but im so exhausted from the run up to exams and other life stuff that im just like ok cool thats Around somewhere now ig. im guessing it was a female from the size but i cant be sure... anyway without further ado onto the main show.

so here in the uk we arent exactly known for our venomous animals. we have some but they're nothing really that dangerous (to us as humans at least. im not going into venom-prey specificity rn ive had ENOUGH of that recently). we have the european adder (which is also percieved as terrifying bc its a venomous snake but it poses very little risk to us as humans bc they are very shy and i have a lot to say abt adders but thats for another day), wasps, bees, some venomous fish (didnt know this until i found one rockpooling they r pretty neat), even some stinging jellyfish and siphonophores like the portuguese man o war. and then we have the spiders. all species of spider are venomous (minus the uloboridae family, aka the cribellate orb weavers which im not too sure off the top of my head if we have those in the uk... we might have one or two species?? idk but they arent venomous and i think theres another family that has some non venomous spiders BUT THE POINT IM MAKING IS PRETTY MUCH ALL SPIDERS ARE VENOMOUS). there are 650ish spp of spider in the uk and of those VERY FEW are at all medically significant. of these few are the rabbit hutch spider, the cupboard spider, and... the noble false widow. these 3 spiders are all known as false widow spiders. we also occasionally get the meditterreanean false widow, but to my knowledge these only arrive on imports and dont have a population within the uk.

belonging to the genus steatoda, false widows are usually seen as these terrifying death spiders that will kill you just for looking at them when really... they arent actually that dangerous. most cases of bites being severe are either a) a result of an allergy or b) it was actually caused by something other than the bite itself (such as a bacterial infection in the bite, or the "bite" not actually being a bite) or even c) greatly exaggerated by the tabloids (shocker)... like ok we dont have many scary animals in the uk but. we dont need to overexaggerate the ones that really arent as bad as people think! badgers probably pose more of a threat to you than a false widow does. have you seen a badger?! they look so cute but they are VICIOUS those things will FUCK YOU UP and give you TB on top of getting absolutely mauled. a false widow will, at most, just make you feel a bit ill for a couple of days. me personally i would take a falsie over the badger. false widows also only bite in defense! most of the time they bite because you didn't see them and happened to be a very big thing up in their personal space! tbh i would bite too

false widow bites are, to most people, no more harmful than a wasp sting. so its not exactly a fun time but its not exactly the limb destroying death bite that the british media loves to make it out to be. most bites are probably dry bites or have near neglible amounts of venom, so won't cause anything more than a bit of pain. when venom does get involved it gets a bit more complicated bc it depends on how ur body reacts to it. as i said before, most ppl its not much worse than a wasp sting but it can cause things like muscle spasms, sweating, and a raised temperature. it rarely gets worse than that. of course you can be allergic to it which will cause anaphylaxis which is a medical emergency, but this is an exceptional circumstance. most ppl bitten by a false widow will not experience that. the panic over false widows in the uk is a mixture of media-driven mass hysteria and arachnophobia.

anyway in conclusion shoutout brandon collier who did an amazing talk abt false widows during the bhs venom day both at the 2022 and 2023 events both of which i was lucky enough to attend. if i cant go to venom day this year you will see me on the news.

[moonjxsung]

star i know i dmed u about this but like i cant. i cant. AAADSJDJDADJSDKJDJDDS I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABT THE CONCERT (ISABEL LAROSA + ARI ABDUL GODS WATCHING TOUR!!!) I WENT TO YESTERDAY

I GOT THERE AT THE VENUE AND FOR SOME REASON EEVRYTHING WAS DELAYED BY AN HOUR AND I DONT . I DONT KNOW I WAS DEVASTATED I WAS LIKE SHIT I CANT EVEN SEE THE SECOND PERSON PERFORMING (IT WAS A DUAL TOUR) AD IW AS SO SAD BUT SOMEHOW. BY SOME MIRACLE. MY DAD TEXTED ME AND WAS LIKE "IM SO TIRED PLZ COME USING THE TRAIN" HOLY SHIT. I COULD STAY AS LONG AS I WATN AS LONG AS I COULD DRIVE THE LIE EVEN FURTHER WITH MY MOM. AND THATI EXACTYL DID!!@#!@#!@# I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE SO EXCITED AND HAPPY ABOUT LYING BUT IM JUST. HAPPY I GOT THIS EXPERIENCE INT EHE FIRST PLACE. LIKE THIS WAS THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME. I GET TO GO HOME BY MYSELF, I DONT GET CALLED BY MY PARENTS, I GET TO SEE (ALMOST) THE ENTIRE SHOW, I GET FRONT ROW VIEW?? LIKE IT WAS LITERALLY THE BES TPOSSIBLE OUTCOME AND I THINK PERAHPS IT WAS A REWARD FOR THE SHITTY WEEK IVE HAD THIS ENTIRE WEEK. YETSERDAY SINGLEHANDEDLY MADE UP FOR IT. I LEFT THE VENUE AROUND 11:40 PM ISH??? AND GOT HOME AROUND 1 AM LMFAO how was i not questioned at all idk. i dont wanna jinx it like what if my mom asks me today abt everything i did. but also what the fuck how was i able to get away with such a big lie WHILE keeping it for HOURS???????????? HOURS PAST THE TIME I SAID ID BE OUT?!?!? no but like i cant beleive that these people are REAL like wym iw as in the same ROOM AS THEM? IC ANT. I CANNOT! the first girl (isabel) was BEAUTIFUL like ic ouldnt stop staring at her at all she was GLOWING. the crowd was lowkey fake and dead af tho.....like live in the moment stop staring at your phones tryna get aperfect fancam of her this aint a kpop concert!!!!!!!!! you came here FOR her not a recording of her!!!!!! well i undertsad the recording part bcs i was recordin gtoo but liek NO ONE WAS JUMPING OR SINGING ALONG OTEHR THAN ME BASICALLY AD IW AS LIKE WTF?!?! i love her older music so when she performed one of my favorites (heaven) i almost cried out of joy. but the crowd wasnt evenr ecording or singing along so i hope they were at least admiring her in person bcs she truly looked heavenly. like an angel. the white spotlight was shining down on her and she looked liek she had WINGS bro. i cant believve i got to see this live. INCLUDING ONE OF HER UNRELEASED SONGS THAT IM JUST SO IMPANTIENT FOR. NOW I HAVE AN UNOFFICIAL RECORDING OF THE ENTIRE SONG FOR ME TO LISTEN TO UNTILT HE ACTUAL RELEASE! i actually like her older songs a lot and one of my faves from her next to heaven is closer but she never performed that </3 i guess it was never on the setlist and she never performed it live pensive emoji stop i said i was near the stage nad i ltierally was like i dmed u the video of one of the girls (ari) TOUCHING MY HAND .. WHAT THE FUCL. I ALMOST ORGASMED HER VOICE IS SO HOT SED HELP stop her normal speaking voice made me DIZZY. it was raspy and lowkey deep and so like. so. it was giving dominant. why was she speaking liek that thru the mic do you want me to explode in my pants . someone needs to study me and my infatuation w women that have sexy deep voices like i also am heavily obsessed with fu hua from honkai impact bcs her voice is so hot and Ugh okay lets not get into the voice kink (guess my skz bias if u couldnt already from my previous asks .) BRO SHE STARTED TAKING OFF HER TIE TOO I ALSO SENT U THAT CLIP LIKE IAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOKAJOASKOAKOAOKOkookakokoakoakokaskodaidjaddsk

while i was buying merch before i left (i had to leave before the last two songs from ari, one of them being my faves </3 bcs i didnt wanna risk it any further) i was telling the girl by the stand that i had to be discreet bcs my paretns did Nawt know i was at a concert and some girl w her mom overheard and laughed and we made small talk and her mom was like "dont even worry about sneaking out for a concert, ive done worse as a kid. im glad you were able to give yourself this experience bcs we only live once" and i was like 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 damn some validation from a mother that isn't even mine surely feels nice. ANYWAYS. i got a signed photobook from them! i really wanted a shirt w the tourdates but alas my paretns once again dont know i was at hte concert and they are also religious as fuck and im pretty sure any shirt that mentions god in a nonreligious context would get my ass beat. Im still in disbelief like how did i even get away with this i cant believe it. also im crying bcs in order to drive the "conference" image, i went dressed in a whole business formal outfit LMFAOFOOFO you kow that meme that slike "me at my wedding vs me at some other event" with that guy. yeah that was me. me at my wedding (in my pjs) vs me at the gods watching tour (in an all black blazer outfit)

anyways yeah thank you for the lil pep talk you gave me and your comments on it <3 im glad i took the risk and went and therefore i had to tell you everything about it.

SPEAKING OF CONCERTS I SAW THAT U GOT LOLLAPALOOZA TICKETS!!! CONGRATSSSSS I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN WHEN YOU GO!

- 💫

HELDPDOSKKEMFKFKEKRKJRKTT THE LAST PART OF THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD W YOUR REFERENCE TO THE MEME W THE SUIT AND RHE CASUAL DRESS PLEELWKKSKXKEEO THATS SO REAL 😭😭😭😭 NO but real talk im so fucking glad you went AND that everything somehow worked out in your favor????? YOUR DAD COINCIDENTALLY GETTING TIRED HOLY FUCKKKKK I always feel bad when something happens where I can’t be 100% honest with my parents but like that lady said it’s literally worth it because it’s a once in a lifetime thing!!!! When I first bought tickets to see bts and booked my hotel and flight and everything I told my parents nothing but the bank called about the charges and they found out and I felt soooo bad but I literally regret NOTHING like concerts are such a fleeting thing and you gotta take advantage and GO when you can!!!! Holy fuck dude though I can’t believe you got that CLOSE to them??? AND GOT AN UNRELEASED SONG???? I do know Isabel from tik tok her music’s GOOOOOD (she’s always the audio in those hot ass skz edits djkekekckdkdkd) BUT I CANT BELIEVE YOU GOT TO BE SO CLOSE TO THEM also getting a signed photobook????!:!:!:!!:!:!:!.! YOU WON SOOOO GOOD BESTIE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 IM SO GLAD YOU WENTTTT I hope you’re able to take advantage of whenever you have special opportunities and that you always get this lucky!!!! Don’t feel guilty about lying either one day these years will be mere memories and you got out of it clean so relax and celebrate bc YOU GOT TO BE SOOO CLOSE TO YOUR FAV FUCKING ARTISTS HOW COOL IS THAT……… ILY BBY MANIFESTING MORE MOMENTS LIKE THESE FOR U IN THE FUTURE 🫶💓💖💞💘🩷💕

[a9saga]

as a cis lesbian, i have never, ever been pressured to have any sexual or romantic interaction of any kind with a trans woman, by anyone. no one has told me i should or need to be with a trans woman to prove that i am not transphobic, or to validate someone’s gender, or fucking whatever transphobes think lesbians are “pressured into sex” with trans women for. i have not been pressured into sex with a trans woman. ever. i’m only speaking for myself here.

in many lgbtq+ spaces i have attended irl, i am very comfortable with however many trans people have shared that space with me. some of them like women, some of them don’t, some are men, women, neither, both, fluctuating in between, whatever. i have not been disrespected by any of them for being a cis lesbian. and i have never so much as been asked if i’ve had any sexual or romantic experiences with trans women before. i am just known as a lesbian to trans people irl. no one has asked me if i would date or sleep with a trans woman and i know none of them are sitting around wondering if i would. because truly, the trans people i know of all genders and sexualities do not care what i do with my own sexuality. i’ve never had to bring it up myself either. truly, trans people do not give a shit.

trans people do not gather to tell everyone to date them. dating does not equal education or liberation, this is the dumbest of all fallacies. no one gives two shits about your dating life, dude, you’re not that hot.

when you enter a space for sapphic women to meet each other, you are not embracing the idea of sleeping with everyone in that space before going in. you also do not have to sleep with any trans woman in a space for queer women. if anyone’s pressuring you into sex, cis or trans, you have every right to reject them and if you are ever violated by another queer woman, i am truly sorry. you don’t deserve that. something needs to be done about that.

now if you’re shaking in your boots because you have read this post and thought “oh my god op would sleep with a trans woman there really are no real lesbians left” i haven’t said fuck all about if i’d sleep with a trans woman in this post. i haven’t named anyone in this post i would sleep with or date. “would you sleep with a trans person” is such a silly question to me. if you’re asking if i’d sleep with a woman of any other social demographic, you might as well ask me if i’d sleep with someone from cleveland or if i’d sleep with anyone whose favorite animal is a giraffe. it’s like..??? who are you putting in front of me and asking about anyway? i am not sitting around looking for transwomen or women from cleveland to sleep with. there has to be a person and situation to contextualize the question in order for it to make sense, otherwise i would just prefer not to be asked about it. it’s not worth discussing to me.

why does the visibility of transgender people make transphobes and even conservatives start worrying about lesbians?? what did i do? i’m right here, idk. if you’re worried about me, i’m fine. even right wingers will take on terfs to talk about ~the extinction of (cis) lesbians~ fucking. i’m right here. wanna ask me about my extinction? i don’t think lesbians are going anywhere, but whatever.

interestingly, i have had an experience this year where an old friend from my calc 2 class came out to me over text as a trans woman. and when she did, i told her, since i'd considered telling her although i’d not that of a reason to bring it up, that i’m a lesbian. some weeks later, she asked me, while insisting i didn’t have to answer this if i didn’t want to, how i’d figured out i was a lesbian. and i went off. woo boy what a complicated question, it is a very earth shattering thing sometimes to realize you can be a woman without loving men and especially that you are one. and she responded in awe at how much of what i said she had not even considered and thanked me for helping her realize she’s a lesbian, more abruptly than she had expected apparently. oh, and also, this trans lesbian friend? did not go on to pressure me into sex or a relationship, if you were wondering.

[komoreangel]

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐜𝐬

pairings: childe, diluc, kaeya, albedo x f!reader (separate)

scenario: it’s reallyyyyy cold outside and you want your boyfriend to warm you up :) and maybe cuddle :) i mean what no its just soooo cold

genre: fluff so much fluff

wordcount: 1.6k (mostly albedo’s djkfsdjfnkd) 

childe

ok so this guy

he’s from snezhnaya which is like russia

its always cold there so he’s used to the below 30 temperatures

you however

ARE NOT

like at all i mean you’re from mondstatd whens the last time it snowed here

so at first he might not notice that you are extremely cold

you two are walking around, being cute yk couple stuff

that is until you start shivering

“why are you shaking? are you scared of something???”

he’s not the brightest but we love him

“childe, im cold.” you bury your face in his chest to hide from the wind

“it’s not that cold out here, i don’t see why you’re being so dramatic.”

“it’s below 30 degrees! i’m going to get frostbite and die!”

ok so maybe you are a bit dramatic but YOU’RE FREEZING OKAY?

“hey ojou-chan, why are you so clingy all of a sudden-” you reached your hand inside his pocket to grab his hand.

holy crap your hands are cold

“hey wait don’t grab my- THAT’S MY SCARF!”

suddenly you were running away from him at top speed, his scarf in your hands

“come back here! what are you - oof-!” he had grabbed onto the edge of the scarf and pulled it back, you along with it.

you fell on top of him and you’re both wrapped in the scarf like every single christmas romance movie

“well now my hair is all full of snow.”

“you deserve it.” “HEY!” 

you get up and walk off to the side, taking his scarf with you

he follows after you, and catches up quite fast considering he’s got them long legs 

oh to be tall

he wraps his arms around you in a hug 

“still feeling cold?” 

“yES!” 

so you two head for home and he promises that he’ll cuddle you all day to keep you warm

which is what you wanted in the first place ;) 

diluc

diluc doesn’t get cold

not because of where he’s from or anything

but because pyro vision 

~natural body heat~ 

and unlike childe he would actually notice you withering away in the snow 

“y/n, are you alright?” 

“huh? yeah yeah im fine just a bit cold” 

suddenly you are being cuddled 

“diluc??” 

“yes?” 

“you’re hugging me?” 

he doesn’t usually initiate pda often so it was a surprise

“you said you were cold. i’m simply warming you up.” 

you lean into his hug and notice that he’s actually really warm

like so warm you get sleepy

you’re so sleepy now that you think about it

and bonk

congrats dear reader

you have fallen asleep in diluc’s arms

he continues to talk on about venti’s drinking problem and how annoying kaeya is

he looks down and notices you sweetly dozing off in his embrace

and he’s so lucky to have you isn’t he

he smiles softly and sweeps you into his arms

carries you bridal style upstairs 

he’s about to tuck you into your bed when your arms begin to tightly wrap around his shoulders

almost like you dont want to let go 

“darling, it’s more comfortable in the bed,” he says quietly

“noo...” your voice is muffled by his chest and you sound tired 

he chuckles lightly 

“just lay down for a bit i’ll be right with you in a minute” 

you’re quiet, like you’re stopping to think

“if i lay down, will you cuddle with me?” 

diluc sighs

“yes i’ll cuddle with you, just please lay down? for me?” 

and who are you to resist that 

so you lay down and while it’s not as warm as him

its still really soft and you fall asleep in no time

he comes back to you sleeping, and not one to break his promises, he cuddles with you anyway 

at least you’re warm now 

kaeya 

believe it or not, kaeya actually does get cold

i mean yeah he has a cryo vision, but that just means he isn’t affected by his own abilities 

or at least thats my headcanon 

anyways

if you’re shivering...he will not help you at first

no, first he’ll tease you about it

like imagine you guys have a mission in dragonspine

“oh y/n~ did you fall for me so hard you got frostbite?”

“you’re looking mighty chilled over there, need a hand?” 

you are this close to punching his arm

however because you want him to hug you and warm you up, you are going to stay on his good side 

he might prolong the teasing for a while

and after that while, he may or may not let you hug him

if he goes on for a bit too long however, he’d feel bad 

you aren’t laughing at his jokes anymore because you’re so cold

you just want to stop and sleep 

your steps become slower and slower

your vision is getting blurrier by the second

and after a while you just stop moving

kaeya turns to look back at you bc he notices

“y/n?” 

and then in a total cliche moment you collapse out of pure exhaustion

like the gentleman he is, he catches you before you land face-first in the snow

and in his mind hes like shit i let this go on too long

so he carries you around, looking for a cave you can rest in until you’re feeling better 

after maybe five minutes of searching he finds one

and he knows albedo is up here somewhere but he doesn’t want to risk you being in the snow for too long

he starts a fire and tries to lay you down near it, but you aren’t getting any warmer

so he puts you in his arms and just cuddles you 

the combination of body heat + fire is slowly warming you up 

and in about an hour you’re awake again

but you can’t move, because his grip on you is very tight

“kaeya? where are we?” 

he slowly opens his eyes 

“oh, just a random cave in dragonspine” he laughs a bit as he says it

then ofc he remembers you’ve just woken up from collapsing and is like oh right serious time ok

“are you okay?” he asks and this time he has a hint of concern in his voice

“yeah, i’m fine. i’m warm now too” you say as the fire starts to die down a bit

kaeya moves his arm in front of you to shift the firewood a bit 

“i’m sorry for letting you get that cold” he murmurs 

you adjust your position so you’re facing his chest 

“it’s alright, at least i can finally get some cuddles this way” 

you both continue to rest by the fire and decide you’ll head back to mondstatd in the morning

albedo

because albedo is rather observant of most things

he notices your state right away

he immediately stops whatever he is doing and tends to you

“you’re cold, aren’t you?” he sits you on the table and feels your forehead

“albedo, its not a fever” you laugh. 

“no, if it was a fever you’d be burning up” he says matter-of-factly 

he walks to the other side of the lab and grabs his coat

“here, put this on.” 

you wrap the coat around yourself and start to get off the table

he rushes back and grabs your hands

they’re cold (duh) 

so then he thinks what can he do to make your hands warm

usually some mittens would do the trick

but he doesnt have any except for his own

well 

he’ll do what he has to

anything for you 

so he slides his gloves off and offers them to you

“put these on, your hands are probably freezing” 

when you hesitate (because arent his hands cold now? you dont want him to be cold) he takes the initative and takes your hands to put the gloves on

he stands back and says “there. tell me if you get colder, okay?”

and tries to hide his flustered face because

you look so cute in his gloves!!! 

they’re his gloves and you’re wearing them ! 

he turns back to his work for a bit 

after maybe half an hour he looks back 

and you aren’t sitting on the table anymore?? 

he looks around

you aren’t anywhere?? 

thats not good

not good at all

he makes his way outside and doesn’t see you there either 

“y/n?” he calls out into the snow 

unknowingly to him, you had headed out about ten minutes after he turned around 

you went to go search for some starsilver, as you heard him muttering about it under his breath 

you were happily heading back to the lab, arms full of the stuff, when you heard someone shout in surprise

it sounded like albedo 

something must have happened to one of his experiments

you quickly hurried towards the lab only to find

nothing?? not even the man himself

there were footsteps in the snow leading away from the room, but you couldn’t be sure if it was yours or his

you decide to wait for him to come back, and set the starsilver near his workspace

after a while, he comes back in, looking stressed and worried

“albedo?” he looks up and breathes in relief 

“where were you, i came back and- mMf!” he rushes towards you and wraps you in a tight hug

“please don’t do that again” he says

“i got you some starsilver..”

he breaks the hug and looks back at his desk

“you went to get starsilver...for me?” 

you bury your face in his neck 

“yeah..i heard you muttering about it so i thought you needed some. it was colder out there than i thought, though” 

he pats your back soothingly, rubbing his hand in circles around your shoulder 

“let’s start a fire, that’ll warm us both up” 

a/n: hi! wooh my first headcanon :) sorry if it was a little long, and i know some were a bit angsty and im honestly sorry about that! albedo’s got away from me sdkhjf but i hope you enjoy! and feel free to request a fic if you’d like :)

[moonlightchn]

𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖋 𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘 𝕽𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖘 🌗

He's fucked. Oh boy, does Chris know he's fucked. Chan's tense, worked up scent is filling the car; the way he grips onto the wheel, knuckles white for the strength applied is concerning, to say the least; even the speed he's driving at is unlike him. Chris knows that as soon as he dares open his mouth, the older boy will lash out at him. And, does he deserve it? Definitely. But does he want to hear it right now? Not really. Not like he has a choice, anyway.

See, Chan arrived about an hour later at the location, a really clean and well cared for neighborhood on the next town over. You know, trimmed grass, tall trees, heated sidewalks and porch lights. That kind. The kind that gave away just so much for him to know. And Chan knew where he was. And he hated being there. But you don't turn on your pack, that's the first rule he learned back in the day. You don't turn on your pack, so he doesn't turn on Chris. Ever. Not even when he deserves it. So there they were, two wolves on hunter territory. Wonderful, right? And Chris... He was just waiting on the sidewalk, ass on the floor and cigarette in hand, just casually sitting as if he wasn't surrounded by potential threats. As if he wasn't risking his life. Their lives.

"What happened." The blonde asks, eyes on the road as he focuses on staying on the right lane. The question is sudden, taking the black wolf by surprise. Chris certainly didn't expect Chan to talk first, or sound so calm. He clears his throat slightly, hand playing with his rings as he looks out the window, humming.

"I couldn't. I..." Sighing, Chris head lowers, what happened, uh? "They have families... They... They have families now. Kids, partners... I couldn't. Couldn't take from them what they took from me. Couldn't bring myself to" Couldn't? Or didn't want to? What was stopping him anyway, right? He was already there, came all the way. "I wouldn't have been able to. It didn'tfeel right. It was... Was not what I wanted... Y'know?" What would little Hannah and Lucas think of him if he had done it?

"Did they see you?" Its simple questions. Simple questions that he can't reply. Did they see him? Hell if he knows. Was he careful? As much as if wearing five maracas on his neck. Will they come after him? That was always a possibility anyway, wasn't it? The eldest sighs at the silence, head shaking and eyes not even looking for Chris once. "You worried a lot of people. Did not just put yourself on the line but everyone else too. Do you understand that? Could've gotten me killed for making me come here- Do not interrupt me." The black wolf looks away again, mouth closing and eyes focusing on the road. The blonde is right, anyway. What was he going to say? No?

"You keep doing the same bullshit, man. Over and over and over again. Do you not get it? Do you really not understand? Don't see how much we care for you? How much you mean? You think I would've come all the way here for you otherwise? You keep giving people hopes, you keep promising things, promising change, painting yourself a victim everyone has to love and understand and put up with and accept the way it is! That's not how it works, Christopher! You keep saying you're trying but you're not even doing the bare minimum!" The car stops abruptly, both boys bouncing slightly on their seats and Chan lays back a little, hands rubbing his face. He's frustrated, tired, mad. Worried. He is, overall, worried. And Chris can feel it. He can smell it. He can see it.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the best... It's... It's just not easy. I want to be better but... What's the point? What do I have left? I keep thinking... I keep thinking maybe I should just go away. Disappear, y'know? Grab my stuff and let people move on, live their lives. I'm dead weight anyway, I just c-"

"Shut up!" Its not a scream, really. Not like the ones before, at least. This one is filled with pain, and hurt, and anger. The golden wolf shifts on his seat, hand reaching to grab onto the others face, forcing him to look him in the eyes. "You don't get to do this! You dont get to victimize yourself with me and pity yourself. How many times do I need to go over this with you? I did not, and I repeat, I did NOT take you in for you to give up. You are NOT giving up. Do you hear me? You don't get to turn your back on me, on Channie, on Changbin and Irene and Jongho and Felix and Chungha and everyone who ever dared to give at least a cent for you. You don't have the right to walk away." Chan lets go, the other wolf's head slightly turning at the force as his eyes wander down, anywhere else but the boy in front of him. "So pull yourself together and find a reason. A motive. Whatever the fuck you need. This bullshit of yours ends here."

Not a single word is spoken after that, the remaining of the ride being spent in silence, the quietness of the night and the awkward tensions sitting in the backseat the only company for the boys. At home, that's what Chan calls it, home, awaits Channie with three cups of tea. At a night club on the other side of the city awaits a concerned black haired woman. Close to the suburbs awaits a short boy a new mixtape. At a shelter downtown awaits a cheetah hybrid, on the carnival at the other end a freckled boy...

Pull himself together. That's what he needs to do. For them and himself. No more running, right? No more hiding. He doesn't need revenge, or violence. He doesn't need to hold onto his past. Pull himself together and let go.

It's not going to be easy, but what would he lose trying to get there?

Taggies uwu (ask for +/- -> general taglist)

❤@babie-chungha @blackdragons-cb @galaxy-ateez @cb-museclub @hybrid-ateez-straykids-nct @yandere-eunwoo @carnival-skteez

💜@shin-haneul @babie-sanie @illuminated-skz @ares-bc @bunny-woong

💙@song-mingi-cb @mafiaxnct127 @starsirah-oc @bloodlustbots

💚@mafia-chae @skz-cb @madmanwoodam @vampiremomo @fairy-yeji @deadly-skz-gods-cb @four-straykids-apocalypse @betrayerjongup @vitoria-oc @powerpuff-3ye-cb @urhexgirls @wolfyjulia

[fallingsunflower]

BESTIES I'm so sorry - I hit my post limit waaaay earlier than expected! Some of y'all joined me on my backup account, (which I also hit the limit on lmao), but I'm back now.

I had over 400 asks to go through and I'll give you a warning that not all of them will appear (either because they were old or because they were topics we already answered). But here is a giant list of asks I compiled for you from when I wasn't allowed to post lol they don't really require my response but I found them entertaining to read. Hope you don't mind I've just put them all together in one post. It's also to save me from using up my 250 posts lol

"this is all so embarrassing like my god imagine when the promotion of the movie starts how horrible it will be for other people who made the movie too"

"SELL UR TICKETS TODAY WATCH THE MOVIE ILLEGALLY, next article we’ll be talking about these two assholes filing for bankruptcy. cheap harlots. don’t mess with your meal ticket."

"hate to say it but i defs think they‘ve got a sliver of the gp’s attention for five minutes"

"I am scanning through all these photos looking for just ONE where he looks like he's smiling and enjoying this. It's so crazy."

"I guess those are all the pics we’re getting right now. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they finish the Italy trip off with one more major Backgrid photo shoot."

"Olivia’s trending on Twitter but not Harry. Like it’s obvious who’s getting the PR gains here!"

"If they dont give us a 6 month or more break after this im gonna need them to pay for my therapy bills from now on bc of this damage no joke let me crawl back into my shit hole now 😑"

"The palce they at is referred to as “tuscanys best-kept secret”. Everyone point and laugh."

"she looks like she’s enjoying all of this. he looks like he wants to push her into the water."

"a few people said he’s keeping his shorts pulled up or covered in all the shots because of the Nike branding which they ask to not get photographed. What a setup."

"Man I knew the second those Tomdaya pics came out of them kissing and how they were trending so fast that HO were going to do something to 'top' them. Its pathetic /// FRRR. she probably hoped for the positive reactions that people gave tom & zendaya but unfortunately, miss girl got the opposite. when will they realize that nobody, but his fans, find them cute lmao can they just stop, it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭"

"He really out here doing this with someone who almost old enough to be his mother, shiiiiiiiit. Sickening. Sick of these 2 for real now, i was fine with the good old blurry back content and whatnot but this? Crossing a line here nobody wanna see that shit and knowing how people feel goooooood damn."

"I aboslutely despise kendall for obvious reason but this one is actually worse than the hendall one bc you couldnt really see as much as now dis gos tang."

"She’s also wearing the cross necklace again. I feel like if that was so meaningful to her she wouldn’t risk loosing it in the ocean 🙄"

"guys have eyes on tmz. I Do not have tw now. they were so aggressive towards them"

"I'm sorry for Harry because you lost your damn mind bro"

"Now why the hendall pics are better ?? NO SHADE BUTT"

"I’m genuine confused like do they actually want dwd to flop or what? I just threw up in my mouth I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch their sorry ass movie. Is it supposed to flop? I’m so confused!"

"The match was not interesting enough so they cooked up something different especially since people were pointing out how they staged the PDA. And the page 6 article is out already!!!"

"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea"

"Is it just me or does harry's face looks really blank for someone out on a Romantic date with his alleged girlfriend.?"

"if thats it, harry hasn’t no game����🤣🤣🤣"

"so this is why the tabloids weren’t talking about the match pics! they didn’t have any value on their own. now with the yacht pics? my oh my they’re gonna get the clicks of their lives. her team was prob like “wait a sec we got something for y’all”"

"If they were models hired to act like a couple they wouldn't get the job......"

"Not them starring right at the camera in some of them help make it less obvious will you"

"HENDALL🤣🤣🤣is that uuuu"

"Harry’s ass crack thought it should make an appearance too."

"What a great day for team PR, happy Monday you guys! Let's pop the champagne 🍾🍾🍾🍾 P. S. They both need acting lessons, tbh"

"It’s quite interesting how everything that’s happened before I’ve seen predicted weeks/and in advance on blogs or fan accounts. Like his life has always been so predictable but damn"

"He was hiding the Nike check. That’s why his swim trucks are rolled up to an absurd degree even for him. He knew he was gonna get photographed."

"What I’m noticing is wether people like them together or not, everyone’s saying they’re aren’t a hot couple…there was more chemistry in the Kendall pics by far"

"i also find it weird that he’s not smiling in any of the pictures and it would be one thing if there were five pics from ten minutes of time but there are like 70 from an obvious extended period of time"

"It's interesting everyone involved is being Team Try Hard. Yet the universe says no. The last set of pics, Tom and Zendaya overshadowed. People even paid more attention to Angelina and the Weekend (even if business possibly). Fast forward to today and all this fakery only for Gwen/Blake to tie the knot. His team needs to get a clue. She needs to go. Harry needs to clean this up fast."

"Ok i looked at one hugging pic and one kidding pic and they could not look more stagged. It looks unatural ,strange and weird from all angles. You can clearly see from their body posture they are posing for a photographer from backgrid."

"Like I said in my ask a couple days ago the day we get kissing pics is the day that I believe this is all a stunt and I was right. They took a page out of hendall 2016 and it’s looks so forced and awkward. Hendall did it better cause at prater they had chemistry. They must be scared this movie is going to tank because they are pushing this way too hard"

"Real, PR, or whatever relationship it is, they’re fucking boring. You are on a yacht in Italy, can’t you have a little bit of fun? I can’t believe how boring they are, I just can’t. Even if it is just PR, can’t you make a fucking dumb joke so you can laugh or something? Do they have anything in common like to talk about or discuss or make fun of? I’d literally killed myself if I looked like that in a relationship. They are not communicating in any photos we’ve got. They are just walking, or sitting. Even when they hold hands or kiss or hug, they never communicate."

"okay but did ya’ll see the pic of her diving in?? i can’t stop laughing 😭😭😭😭"

"they look horrifically awkward i cannot believe what harry is doing"

"“HEY PAPS COME GET A PIC OF US KISSING TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE BELIEVABLE!!!!!”"

"his ass is hanging out and her bra is almost off what in the hell"

"Hqs on a yacht like that? Mhmhmhm hmmmmm / I bloody well hope that’s not the extend of their acting. That’s dire! 🤦‍♀️"

"this is literally the most predictable “couple” to exist. first, people talked about them showing up the game, and they did. second, people were just talking about kissing pics... AND THEY JUST CAME OUT LMAOOOOOO"

"annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. YOU KNOW THEY KNEW THERE WAS A CAMERA."

"ok but where’s the pda or did that get made up? cause these have to be the most awkward pics i’ve ever seen which makes me feel better 😂 also i can feel the meme’s coming with the one of her diving off the boat"

"I call it how I see it they are both assholes and full of shit. Like do your fake kiss somewhere else I do not want to see it!"

"Can they at least act like they’re having a good time?"

"hahahaha I can't stop laughing with that photo of O it's literally her knowing she's being photographed and diving into a professional swimmer style😭"

"the pics are so organic that Olivia is looking straight at the pap before kissing Harry."

"he looked a lot happier with kendall in their yacht pics compared to today’s. i know that was PR too, but he was very smiley and seemed talkative. with this girl it’s like the complete opposite lmao."

[theskyexists]

In this show they pretend that these men and women are IN THEIR TWENTIES. THEIR EARLY TWENTIES. THEY ARE ALL AT LEAST 35!!!!

it’s an incredibly crazy psyche that theyre characterising for the emperor - he can dote on his consorts but not love them...hm

YINGLUO AND THE EMPEROR’S EVERY FUCKIN INTERACTION IS SO GOOD

E: don’t you want a nice life?

Y: you put me here so uhhhh -nah obviously what use is wishing hello

E: you could beg me

Y: lol nope

Emperor literally pulls out all the stops to get her to go through the process to give him an excuse to pardon her

fuheng is not at all handsome but he’s nice looking. love how you can see the mongol influences in the clothing

why is the wedding so insular

lol. double standards there. yingluo has to walk in a snowstorm for 24 hours and fuheng gets a promotion and a wife. lovely

they look enormously handsom in their winter clothes

literally tears in my eyes over fuheng saying: ‘she must be so cold. so cold’ AAAAAAA

damn yan - that umbrella’s really helpin. he probably told her: DONT DO IT. ITS NOT WORTH IT

erqing wanting to be free isn’t bad. but revelling in being able to admire the snow while yingluo is dying in it s abit much

the weird thing about the show now is - why isn’t the empress more upset??

lol emperor realises empress was right. poor fuheng...

he really elevated her to concubine status???? fuckin hell. she’s gonna hate him.

if this veers into ACTUAL romance between yingluo and the emperor ill be fuckin upset

YOUR MAJESTY, WHY FORCE OTHER PEOPLE? LOL she’s really talking around the fact that she IS unwilling

.............................................................uh. they did make the emperor a rapist! INTERESTING CHOICE with how the keep skirting around how much of a monster he is

but wei yingluo instantly adapts and uses what he said against him. wow fuckin hell. they won’t let the implications of how much of a piece of shit emperor is stick i spose. bc yingluo plays him like a fiddle. she perfectly replicates the horrible speech patterns of the harem women. she asks for AN INCREDIBLY INSANE RANK OF COURSE. the plaintive ‘your majesty!’ - the crying! oh my god - she’s so good. HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES HER. god he’s so dumb.

‘i will never want a woman with ulterior motives’ - WELL THEN, you’re out of luck with your harem dude

what. oh right. the empress was depressed or something. jfc. yingluo went through the fuck snow for her.

why is the empress so mad? what the fuck is up with this now. wHy??????? what the fuck is going on???? this empress doesn’t communicate honestly AT ALL.

‘if not for protecting me, you wouldn’t have become caught up in power struggles’ uhhhhhhhhhhh she was throwing her life away on revenge lady. and throwing her out of the palace won’t protect her at all. shes sending yingluo away bc she sees her whole household going down. well maybe you could have ARRANGED something for her in another palace maybe? OH WOW the empress can RELEASE PEOPLE FROM THE PALACE???

THEY HUG!!! THEY”RE HUGGING!!!!!!!!

how did that one eunuch survive

i wonder if this is a convention for the drama of the series. i would have guests announced ALWAYS so they can’t overhear shit!

the DRAMATIC theme is used so much it’s getting annoying

they didn’t have budget for portraying the maids in the palace

it sure sucks when you have so little freedom and an ideal vision of married life bc that’s at best all you’re afforded

the wounds and disease on this show are always so shit

couldn’t you have given the girl some compensation for getting tortured???

married life does not agree with erqing. why does she write letters to her grandfather? because she wants to have just a little bit of power. why does she go MAD with bloodlust? because it’s what she feared to be the victim of - what she was taught.

oh Fuheng - you’re such a good man.

but terrible at marriage. she didn’t even kill the woman (yet).now you’ve ruined shit entirely between Erqing and you even though you’re kind of responsible for her paranoia and loneliness. oh patriarchy

‘what have i done wrong?’ - she really really doesn’t get it lol. her mind draws a blank even though fuheng told her. she’s like - all the other women in my position act like this! im trying to be a good wife! ya. he’s quite different

exaclty lol - you’re locked in marriage now so then you’re just

they’re casting erqing as a villain for not wanting to be sent into the KILLING FIELDS of the forbidden palace to serve some cruel mistress and delighting in no longer running the risk of being ground underfoot

feminism? Yes! anti-hierarchy/class system? NO!

fuheng really is quite shitty to his wife - a wife he chose and he thinks simply helped him preserve Yingluo’s life. He should be a lot nicer to her

Erqing doesnt want to talk about how she could learn from this - or say sorry - or make up for her mistake or reconcile. she just wants to run and hurt who’s hurt her. it’s really exceptional how they lampshade the absolutely bullshit character change they’ve given her lol

Erqing came here especially to harrass Yingluo and she’s getting SLAPPED. literally lol

‘all the citizens in this empire are my children’ - oh rlly. you dont treat them so good then.

and he does cry. look! the show says, look the emperor has a heart! he loved his son!!! but he’s too proper to cry!!!!

can’t believe im only halfway in this goddamn show

[drageverywhere]

Idk maybe I’m just sensitive bc I’m a POC but it definitely seems like people on here are criticizing and being super harsh towards the POC queens more than when we found out Brooke was there. Y’all talked about that situation for a day and then moved on (unless I’m missing something) but now that it’s Silky and Vanj and Shangela y’all are talking about how disgusting they are and going through Twitter to find pics and videos of them out and about. Nobody is right in this situation and y’all are allowed to be upset bc trust me I am toobut Idk it just irks me how people don’t keep the same energy especially bc we’ve seen how Brooke had been going to Palm Springs and hanging out with her friends and even got covid bc she went out while she was in Canada and even said on a live that since she got covid she has the antibodies so she wasn’t concerned about getting sick again if she was around other people. Like I said y’all are allowed to criticize but it’s very clear to me that some of y’all are treating them very different than you did a white queen and it’s just incredibly frustrating bc this is always is the case.

Also I’m not trying to start any arguments with me speaking on my observation but my hope is that you all can ask yourselves whether or not your own internal biases (or biases towards certain queens in general) causes you to be more critical and angry towards V, Silky, and Shangela rather than queens like Brooke. Like imo, and feel free to correct me, had pics and videos of B in PV come out on twitter would you be just as angry and calling her disgusting? As I said before I 100% agree that they are wrong for going and partying and whatnot during all of this and I don’t want you to take this as me trying to defend them but it’s just not sitting well with me that once again it seems the POC queens are getting criticized to high heaven while a white queen does the same and the criticism from what I have seen wasn’t at all this fierce to the point where you were saying she or her actions were “disgusting” or implying that she was a shitty person. Also this isn’t an attack on Brooke I’m just using her as an example.

I may be wrong, and I apologize if I am, but for me this isn’t a matter of colors but of actions and common sense. I’m a POC too and I don’t care about your race, ethnicity, gender, if you’re the president, the pope or my mom, if you’re doing that level of nonsense I’m sure as hell going to be upset.

Traveling is unnecessary but at the same time there are cities whose economy depends mostly on tourism so it’s difficult, I think that if someone has such an urge to travel still not a great decision but there’s options to have a safe vacation and still have fun putting the least amount of people at risk. Following the guidelines of the city, staying with the same small group of people the whole trip, avoiding crowds; you can walk by the beach or pier, walk around the city and get to know the local culture, buy handicrafts, maybe take a tour, go for dinner and even have a cocktail. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who only came to satisfy their need of party and do what is surely not allowed in their country and which I find selfish, inconsiderate and shows a total lack of respect for my country that is opening its doors to them.

Knowing that I had just lost another family member two weeks ago and seeing all those photos of a packed beach got me so mad, only to come two or three days later to find this video of an over-crowded party that in the last seconds turns to show V, my heart broke. Until that moment we hadn’t seen photos or anything of them going out so I thought within their bad decision they’d been wise enough to maybe stay at the resort as apparently B did when she was here but it turned out different. I’ve been with mixed feelings since then and i dont think anyone is enjoying this unfortunate situation.

And to answer your question, fuck yes if this same situation were happening with Brooke or whoever trust and believe I would be just as upset and disappointed, and maybe even more. COVID isn’t a game, being irresponsible in another country isn’t a joke when at the end of the day we’re all in the same boat.

[bloopbyoop]

weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!! 

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe. 

x :D

[skittles1229]

Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They  knew me better then i know myself. 

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time. 

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't.  Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald. 

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly  as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

          He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing  out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters. 

     i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet  trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me  hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

     ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night. 

     i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy  cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way. 

     before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

[susieandhobbes]

you dont have to tell bc i get it might be personal but like if youre willing pls do share what the fuck happened with your roommate

Heyo anon, took me a while to respond to this because when my roommate was evicted she took the wi-fi with her and it took like 2 days to get our new wi-fi up and running and I didn’t feel like answering on my phone. (Far too long for phone typing). I’m going to throw this under the cut because it’s super long but if anyone wants an overly long and absolutely absurd story of hwite women gone wild...

SOOOO basically, me and Roommate A, (two Black women) had to both file individual restraining orders against Roommate B (a Karen-tastic white woman) and while my order was only for B to not talk to me or go in my room (best i could get) Roommate A’s restraining order included immediate eviction of Roommate B. So on Thursday, which happened to be Roommate B’s birthday(!), two cops came in and served her and she had one hour to collect as  much stuff as she could and get the fuck out basically. 

My restraining order came after multiple altercations with Karen (let’s just call her that, it’s easier) where she would try to physically intimidate me, get in my face, yell, call me a “bitch”, “asshole”, “stupid”, “scum”, “disgusting” etc. After the first altercation she forced me into another conversation where she said that we had been abusing and gaslighting her, while sobbing, and “blah blah blah why can’t we all get along but also i did nothing wrong here”. After that I ignored her as best i could, and then on election day I was in the kitchen baking a stress cake and she decided that was the best time to confront me about air-drying my dishes. I told her multiple times I didn’t want to speak with her, she insisted on it, picked up a knife I was drying on the counter and “casually” held it while berating me about the air-drying. I had to tell her three times to put the knife down and she refused outright the first two times. Later in the night she decided to start moving my baking stuff around because she “needed” the entire counter to make her dinner although there was plenty of space. She picked up my bowl, i grabbed the other side and told her to stop touching my property, in doing so our hands touched and she said “UMM I DID NOT GIVE YOU CONSNET TO TOUCH ME.” and threatened to file a report on me for assault. Because Karen.  The name calling continued, calling me scum being a favorite of hers. I filed the report shortly after. I didnt hear back from the court until i followed up after a third incident in which she accused me of stealing her mail. Apparently the building concierge had told her i picked it up, I told her i only picked up my mail and she said “well they said you have it so if they can’t find her i will have to pursue you”. I asked wtf that meant and she said “well i’ll do whatever i have to d to get my mail”. I told her i don’t have it and asked if she was threatening me and she said “well yes, I’ll do what i have to”. So that third one sent me over the edge and there we have restraining order 1.

Now roommate B is diabetic and thus at extreme risk for COVID. She works from home (so do i), instacarts everything, sprays literally everything with hand sanitizer. She is EXTREMELY health conscious. Now Karen works outside in a lab that does COVID tests and would basically use that as a threat whenever Roommate B expressed concerns about COVID safety saying “well if i get it you get it, so idk what you want me to do”. On top of that, she had multiple overnight guests and would only give us about 6 hours notice about said guests. If B complained, Karen would say “well i live here so i can bring who ever I want”. B asked if these guests could at least wear masks in the common areas and Karen not only said no, she banned roommate B from looking at or speaking to her guests. (And this was multiple screaming matches i’m summarizing here). B kept making the point that as a diabetic, COVID could literally kill her and Karen would say “well they’re not wearing it in my room, so if they give it to me, I’ll give it to you. If you were that scared for your life you’d go to a hotel or an AirBnB”. 

So because this past thursday was her Birthday, Karen invited a friend to stay from wed-mon. B once again requested masks in the common areas. Karen said no, said she was going to have a party because it’s her birthday and “I hope my friends get all their germs everywhere”. She also added she was going to sign the apartment up for a couch surfing site and let random people stay here “because it’s my couch”. The argument kept escalating to Karen literally banging on roommate B’s door and asking her to come out while B repeatedly told her to go away. Karen then threatened to go outside to the balcony and knock on B’s window. Now at about midnight, Karen is now sing-songing “enjoy the roooooooonaaaa” so B keeps asking if Karen has it and Karen keeps saying “idk i could have it, i go out everyday who knows” with creepy glee. She continues to sing “enjoy the rona”.  

2 days later, thursday, Roommate B gets her restraining order that Karen is a intentional and malignant threat to her safety re:COVID-19 and Karen is forced to vacate the premises.

Happy Birthday.

(She was the account holder on the wi-fi though so she unplugged that shit on her way out the door)

[anandasamsara]

Just ranting for a bit here, bc people wont see it and then i can take things off my chest.

Im feeling really lost. I worked all year to open my store, and then i had the biggest and most challenging commission i ever got (and i only ever got like, 3) to make just as i opened shop. The 2 or 3 days between opening the store and starting the commission, i felt terrible, bc it was like i hit an end and there was nothing after. 

And now im at the same place again. I only feel a spark of excitement over new orders at the store (only five in almost 20 days) and then its over. I feel bored out of my mind, but no idea what to do. I keep having new ideas for new products, but i can’t do that until i get at least half of my investment back, which i can see will take a long while.

I also feel disconnected of everything. I get distracted trying to enjoy my hobbies, sidetracked and ignored in conversations with more than one friend at the same time, fully ignored and discarded in other friend groups. Im tired of being stuck inside while my parents go out as if nothing was really that bad. Im angry that they get to see people and i cant see any of my friends bc my family is putting me in risk, and i will not put anyone else in risk bc of it.

I did see 2 friends the past 2 weeks. My bro came here to get his things that he bought from my store and another artist’s one that we bought together, but i saw him for less than a minute and he was off. We barely talked, i couldnt touch him bc of his health issues. Yesterday i saw my last crush and friend from uni for the same reason, but he hugged me immediatelly. I was almost panicking, but it felt soo good to finally hug someone after so long. We talked for a while trading problems and ideas and making plans to see each other again when it all ends. But that was it.

Then i got home and mom came with news that my baby cousin’s birthday party will be at his godfather’s place, the other side of the next city, and they want me to go. We dont have a car, we dont have 300 bucks for the there and back uber, and i wont risk public transportation. Fight number one has already happened, and i can only imagine how many more will come.

I’m starting to feel like everything is pointless. Even my most dedicated friends are getting fed up with it all and starting to let go and go out and such. I had to go get some things from a courrier service and mom went with me, convinced me to eat at a restaurant, then got mad at me bc i was having a panic attack bc some guys were fully and loudly ignoring all safety precautions in place. People are getting this mentality of “if i die, i die”, but no one stops to think how many more they’re taking with them. I dont want this to happen to anyone, particularly me, and i dont know what i’d do if i accidentally let it happen to someone i care about bc of me, or my family. If my bro catches it somehow, and i have an inkling that i might be responsible, i dont know what i’d be capable of, truly. 

And yet, im anxious to see them, to hug everyone, or to just be in proximity. Im terrible at staying in contact over only online means, im not really part of any group. I dont have anything to talk about. The last messages between me and my friends are mostly me trying to find something to talk about and it falling to the void of unread or ignored messages, i guess. I dont know how to keep in touch with people anymore. I probably never knew.

I think the only other time i felt so lonely was when i broke my foot in 2011. I couldnt walk for 6 full months, and eventually everyone got tired of me. It was when i started using tumblr, when i learned english, gotten into fanfic, bc there was nothing else to do and no one else to talk to. This time around i turned to art, but apparently even that has a limit, as my right arm starts hurting the more hours i keep at it.

And this all is only part of my problems, but i guess i’ll stop here.

[theforce]

presumptive horrible rotten case of corona: symptoms

presumptive bc i couldnt get a god damn test i live in new york and while there are testing sites all over the state and our state govt is doing what they can now, i don’t want to be the person taking away a test from someone else especially now that i am mostly better, most of this went down at the beginning of the month and i’m still dealing with the effects of it. 

there was a lot of confusion here even as recent as 2 weeks and we are the state that’s testing more than the rest of the entire country so here is my account of what went down w me, and honestly, what might go down with you or someone you know as soon as this reaches your state

1) i threw up all night long, thought it was a stomach virus, had a lot of stomach issues for like 24 hours, very strange i haven’t had a stomach virus in YEARS since i was a literal child, anyways right before i started puking up my life i developed this weird cough, it felt like it was from my throat, like i was trying to clear it? but it was often and annoying 

2) after my 24 hours of hell i felt feverish and exhausted but i chalked it up to being on the floor of the bathroom all night, exerting my esophagus and body to throw up the devil himself, i tried to sleep it off, i woke up a few hours later in a fog, i was shivering but i was also burning up, i couldn’t tell left from right, up from down, my fever was 100.3, at this point i had my mom call my doctor and make an appointment, she made it for me w the receptionist, everything was fine until 20 minutes later i got a call back from my actual doctor not the receptionist who was like, oh no not you’re not coming here with those symptoms baby and i was like ?? ok cool thanks, she said to keep watching my symptoms, slam some tylenol and if i felt shortness of breath to call or text her personal cell phone and she would get me set up at the nearest hospital i said ok sounds fucked up i mean i didn’t say that bc i was too fucked up to even speak, she also gave my mom instructions to keep me in my room, to not go near me, to give me a designated bathroom, to have food and water delivered to my door, my mom was like u dont gotta tell me twice (she has lupus) during this time my cough become dry and horrible, i could feel my lungs rattle, i would cough so hard and for so long i’d wake from my feverish coma to kneel over my bed and just let loose on the world, it felt like i was drowning, i couldn’t get enough air everything hurt, everything was sore 

3) things continued on like this for 5 straight days, i was literally in and out of consciousness, my fever got up to 102 and my mom said that if it raised at all from there we were going to the fuckin hospital and i was like listen la rona i know u wanna take me out but i havent even ever eaten a krispy kreme donut, please let me survive this i can’t leave this way, in that moment i literally had a fever dream of god herself, i said take this from me and i’ll stop being such a cunt in life. i started slamming hot toddy’s, i’d drink as much water as possible in between the time i wasnt literally trying to expel my lungs by way of my mouth

4) woke up from that whole ordeal drenched in SWEAT from my feet to my head i was soaked, it was gross, at that point i still had a sense of smell so let me tell you my last and final symptom should have kicked in a bit earlier but i checked my temp and it was normal! i didn’t feel like my head was going to explode! but i had new things going on i had a new stuffy/runny nose, my cough was producing some liquid which i proceeded to throw up into a mcdonalds cup i took a shower, i brushed my teeth, i felt like a brand new woman, i had cold like symptoms but i can live with cold like symptoms, i had an appetite for the first time in a week, felt like i could eat my whole family out of house and home given the opportunity, i’d lost 20 pounds in less than 2 weeks and ya girl was honestly, looking good but THAT’S A BAD WAY OF THINKING disregard please thank you, at this point i went into my doctor with a full on mask, gloves, hair pulled back, she gave me every test you can think of, most importantly a flu test which is all she could do since getting a test was impossible at this pint, which of course came back negative 

5) things continued like this for weeks, up until right now actually, exhaustion was gone, fever gone, cough still here and there but not like how it was, i’ve put on makeup in my room, i’ve watched every season of law and order svu, i’ve gone on drives in my car just to drive, i’ve tried to keep myself as busy as possible, 3 days ago the strangest, most inexplicable and hopefully last symptom arrived, a complete loss of smell and bc of that taste, i’ve tried smelling candles, essential oils, laundry detergent, canned meat, my brother lit a match with my back turned and asked me what the smell was, i ate extra hot cheetos, raw onions, shot of vinegar, there’s nothing there, i just hope it comes back 

during this time i haven’t been even close to my mother, who has lupus or my sister, who has asthma, i stayed in my room, i’m still in my room actually 14 full days out from the last time i left the house, one month since this whole thing started, i eat in my room, i use a different bathroom than my whole family, everyone talks to me from my door frame besides my little brother who also was sick but recovered super fast, he bleaches the bathroom after i use it, he puts all my food on single use plates, he brings me jugs of water and reminds me of what it’s like to at least talk to another person. 

on a more serious note, i haven’t touched another person in 20 days nobody has even been within 6 feet of me besides my doctor who was administering the only tests she could administer, fully decked out in a hazmat suit, she was scared for me, i could tell, she was trying to put on a brave face and downplay the severity of my symptoms but thank god for her, she’s checked up on me, she’s tried everything, she’s put in calls, she’s made herself as available as possible even though she’s probably going through the same thing with countless other patients, i worry for her, i’ve worried for my family, i’ve stressed beyond the point of no return which has for sure slowed my recovery and i was one of the lucky ones! all of this and my case was considered mild because i never really had trouble breathing beyond being choked by my own coughing. 

people have been there for me during all of this, in ways that are further reaching than touch, i have been very vocal about not liking when people touch me but i do look forward to the day i can hug my mom, where i can tell my friend to take a sip of my drink to see if she likes it, to have someone pat me on the shoulder and tell me to keep my head up or whatever 

hopefully im on the other side of this, my more at risk family members are about to be 14 days from the last time any of them were near me or my brother, they’re at the end of a long tunnel and i’m just so happy that maybe soon we’ll all see the light 

take care of yourselves

[nobodyfamousposts]

afters months of bullying Marinette, the class(minus Lila)finds out shes Ladybug and they're confused bc Lila said they were BFFs so why would she be so mean to Lila? then they connect the dots and "oh shit we fucked up". They dont tell anyone about it. Mari is confused and suspicious at their sudden change of hearts. Chat starts to visit her bc he knows she doesnt trusts Adrien after he sided with Lila. She's wary of Chat too bc at their last encounter he was very rude to her bc of Lila's lies

I don’t know if this is quite what you were going for, but this is what came to mind.

“Hey, Mari! How’s it going?” Chat Noir asked, nervously from his unwelcome position on her balcony after he showed up uninvited.

Marinette didn’t look happy to see him. He could see she was raising her guard, like she expected him to start yelling at her.

With good reason, he reminded himself bitterly. The last time they had seen each other—or rather the last time she had seen him as Chat, things had not been…the most pleasant.

He had been caught up in rumors and suspicion. Sinister words and talk of secret alliances between their supposed “innocent” class rep and the madman threatening their city.

He should have known better.

He DID know better.

Adrien knew that Lila was a compulsive liar and willing to make up any story. He knew that whatever came out of her mouth had to be lies. He even had some idea that Lila had some sort of grudge against Marinette—being one of the only ones to know she was lying and to be willing to call her out on it.

And yet he still fell for them anyway. Because it was strange, wasn’t it? And Lila might have been a liar, but she did have a point. Where DID Marinette disappear to during each akuma battle? She was never where she was supposed to be. She was never where she claimed she had been. No one could ever recall seeing her during any of the fights since this mess had started.

Coincidence, sure. But with Lila’s silver tongue, those coincidences added up and began to paint a picture that he couldn’t bring himself to ignore. But he should have. Because the picture may have made some sense, but it was still Lila putting it together and he knew—he KNEW her to be a vindictive manipulator with a grudge.

To think he actually believed that Marinette Dupain-Cheng was secretly working for Hawk Moth in his plots against their heroes.

Looking back, it had been stupid.

Really. Really stupid.

Even more stupid now that he knew what he did. And not a moment went by that he wasn’t kicking himself for jumping to those conclusions—and even worse, acting on them.

He still remembered the way she looked at him when he snapped at her. His accusations—at the time powered with righteous fury, only came off as ignorant and callous now. He still remembered the way she gaped at him in shock and hurt. He remembered the way she tried to deny it. He remembered how she tried to explain herself.

He remembered the way he hadn’t cared.

Chat never knew how he appeared to her in that moment. What expression he must have had as he looked down on her and coldly told her to stay out of the way for once.

He wondered if it matched the cold stare she gave him now.

“Why are you here?”

Her detached attitude hurt more than he thought it would. But he couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it.

“I just wanted to check on you.” He said, forcing a smile. “You know, make sure you were all right after that last akuma fight.”

She raised an eyebrow, incredulously. “You mean the one that was three weeks ago?”

This time, he couldn’t hide the wince. Because yeah, it had been almost a month since that last fight. And he hadn’t considered visiting her—spying on her, sure, but not actually coming by to talk to her. He hadn’t even spared Marinette so much as a concern until just a few days ago. He could make excuses. Say he’d been busy. That he’d had homework and other things to do. But nothing had prevented him from enjoying free time and outings with his other classmates. Nothing had kept him from talking to Marinette any of those times.

The simple truth was that he hadn’t seen reason to go out of his way to worry for Marinette.

Not until one week ago when, along with several other classmates amidst their self-assured attempt to find “proof” of her guilt, he discovered that their “Everyday Ladybug” was actually “THE Ladybug”.

And suddenly, he realized too late that all of the little coincidences were pointing to a much different picture he had been too blind to see.

“I’m fine. You can go.”

He couldn’t. Because this was wrong and it was his fault.

“I don’t think you are.” He spoke up before he realized it. And he cursed his stupid mouth, but couldn’t quite bring himself to take it back because Marinette was clearly not fine.

She froze, and he fought the urge to move—though whether towards her to comfort or away from her to escape the awkwardness and guilt, he didn’t know.

“If I’m not, what does it really matter to you?”

Everything! He wanted to shout.

Because you’re my partner.

Because I love you.

Because I’m an idiot and I was wrong.

And I am so, so sorry.

So much he wanted to say.

So much he was scared to say.

Their partnership was already hanging by a thread. Her anger at him after the incident when she confronted him as Ladybug for his treatment of a ‘civilian’ had been quite clear. For once, he refused to give up, so insistent he was right.

And for once, she refused to apologize. It made sense now, given it had been herself on the receiving end of his mistreatment all this time. But at the time…

He had questioned Ladybug before. But never like that. Never did he so openly insult her judgement that way.

And now that he knew…

It was only one more thing to add to the list of ways he had seriously fucked up.

As Adrien, he promised Marinette support only to abandon her.

As Chat, he promised protection only to be the one to instigate.

As himself, he had promised to love the girl behind the mask only to turn on her in both.

Wasn’t he just pitiful?

“I just…wanted to make sure you weren’t at risk. You know…with the akumas and everything.”

She gave him a flat stare, unimpressed. “I think I’ve been doing well for myself for the past couple of months, thank you.”

“Look, I know things haven’t been…easy for you lately.” And THAT was the understatement of the year. “But—”

“No. No buts.” She cut him off. “You’re right. Things haven’t been easy. But I’ve been handling it. I’ve learned to handle it on my own.”

He winced. She didn’t say it. And she may not have intended to suggest it, but the implication was there. That it was all because he—because all of them had left her alone.

“Akumas can’t get me if I don’t give them something to target, right? So I’ve been staying positive and keeping my emotions in check.” She smiled. “You don’t have to worry about me becoming an akuma or anything.”

He clenched his fists.

She smiled like a doll and he hated it. He hated how fake it looked. He hated how it reminded him of his own false smiles as Adrien when he was trying to convince others he wasn’t upset when he was.

“You shouldn’t hide away your feelings.” He told her, honestly. “You have every right to be upset. Especially after how everyone treated you…how I treated you.”

She blinked in surprise.

“I…jumped to a lot of conclusions based on coincident and faulty evidence. I didn’t give you a chance to explain. And I should have because I know you, Marinette. In all our meetings and all our times together, I’ve only ever known you to be a genuinely good person.”

He wished he could hug her. Hold her tightly until he was sure he could use whatever he had to bring back the warmth to every part of her. To simply just hold her hand and offer her reassurance she had been sorely needing but sadly lacking all this time.

“I’m sorry, Marinette.”

I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.

I’m sorry I didn’t stand by you.

I’m sorry I left you alone.

Her blank smile faltered and her expression shifted to something sad but for the first time, genuine.

“At least you’re the first one to say it.”

It wasn’t forgiveness.

But maybe it was a start.