kiss me. kiss me like youve waited years to. kiss me like its the first time. kiss me like im all youve ever wanted. kiss me like youre starving. please kiss me.
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in fact now that i've had a chance to rewatch and think about the episode more i'm actually losing my mind. we have never, in the entire show, seen blitz actually go OUT OF HIS WAY for ANY relationship. sure, we saw him open up a bit to moxxie in 'truth seekers,' but that was only a bit and only after a severe truth-gas induced hallucination; he has feelings for stolas but even when he does invite him out it's under completely false pretenses - the only relationship we see him put any real effort into is with Loona, and even then, it's not really him going out of his way since Loona is his adopted daughter and is almost always around, and his attempts at fostering a relationship with her are almost exclusively him showering her with affection, rather than any actual attempts at emotional intimacy (not a criticism, just an observation).
but blitz is not only going out of his way to find barbie, he is desperate to make her life better. at the end of 'unhappy campers,' he is insisting that he wants to help her; practically begging her to let him help her. he is breaking into medical centers (apparently, regularly enough that he has a hostile relationship with one specific nurse who recognizes him and already knows what he's there for and what he's trying to do), making calls and threatening people and doing WHATEVER he has to to find her - to not only offer to help her, but just to see her. to have dinner and catch up.
and that is FASCINATING to me, it is making me fucking insane. i've talked about this before but what stands out to me most from the 'truth seekers' hallucination is that blitz thinks he actively makes people worse by being with them. it's heavily implied in the way that verosika is covered in grime and muck that doesn't come off the way it did striker and fizz (i'd argue it's because they both seem to not be dragged down by him, though verosika makes it clear in 'ozzie's' that she was deeply hurt by blitz and still resents him for breaking her heart), and it's also implied within his idolization of stolas - on his beautiful gold and ivory throne, where his presence is enough to turn all of blitz's mud and filth into sparkling light
but barbie doesn't appear in the hallucination. fizz does, and he was from the circus days. striker does, and he and blitz barely have a relationship outside of meta character themes and foils. verosika does, and even though their relationship is implied to have been mutually toxic, she is still very overtly somebody that blitz hurt. he ruined things between them and hurt her.
the only real thread between them is that everyone in that vision, to some extent, is somebody that blitz harbors resentment for. he resents fizz and striker for being everything he isn't or couldn't be - either as a performer or as an assassin - he resents verosika for their relationship, he even to some extent harbors bitterness towards stolas for being so out of touch (and for the fact that blitz has feelings for him at all).
but he doesn't hate barbie. he doesn't even seem to be mad at her at all; the only thing he's upset about is that she didn't try to reach out to him. blitz, who is convinced with his whole chest that he only knows how to hurt people and drag them down, who has burned every bridge to his past for better or worse, spends a whole week going on a one-man rampage to find his twin sister and then asks her to let him help her. i'm going to be fucking sick
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Amanda... I miss her.
But I don't trust a single person to write her other than Ostrander/Yale. Like I don't trust them to do it right. Because like it's easy to write her being shady and manipulative and involved in secret government conspiracies. That's what she does. But it feels so hollow once you've seen her character in the way Ostrander describes it. Like she is a woman who is desperate and trying to do what she thinks is right. She has found a place of power (as a fat Black woman in the 1980s) and is doing anything she can to fight and hold onto it as powerful and ambitious men try and steal it from her. So she doubles down. She doubles down on the shady deals and the broken promises and the violence and she destroys her enemies, and loses a part of her soul in the process. And then some other ambitious politician rises up and the process repeats itself over and over and over again as each time she loses more of her morality and more of her soul and more of the respect her colleagues had for her. In place of that she gains more power, she gains fear, and an even more badass reputation. Until by the end of the book the villains begin to understand/sympathize with her more than the heroes ever will. Like THAT is who Amanda Waller is. It may happen subtly, it may happen over a longer period of time but that descent is a critical part of her character! She is a tragic character! And I feel like every perception of Suicide Squad I've seen outside of the original has her as this static villainous snapshot which is just untrue to her core imo. Like she is not a hero. But she is also not JUST a villain. She is a highly flawed character who is always descending farther and farther into villainy as she is led there by what she believes is right.
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But my head rolls with the multiple layers of orym's intent in asking fearne “are you with me?” And then upon fearne validating that outreach, immediately putting it to fearne that she’s “going to be the one who has to… do the thing”. god knows orym trusts fearne but I honestly do believe that he knows enough, not judgmentally at all, to know fearne and know that as much as kindness can be in her nature, her nature is chaos. And it can’t be lost on orym with his perception to have caught those moments when imogen tests how brazen she can go, that fearne doesn’t oppose it at all but instead blithely joins in those moments. Yes, orym’s entire motivation is stopping the people who killed his family, stopping the end from swallowing all of the people he still cherishes in his world, his motivation and intensity is absolutely justified in its desperation, that he has the humility to acknowledge that he can support but he can’t be the only one jumping into the position of most danger for once. that orym tells fearne “YOU HAVE to be THE ONE” and assigns that severity of responsibility to an irresponsible (affectionate) fey creature of nonchalant chaos and blasé violence, it’s so much more than just a sudden “it’s on you”. he’s not just tapping fearne on the shoulder to have them suit up to stop imogen together if it comes to that, the way orym watches fearne, and watches. fearne. WANT. to dismiss his level of concern and plea to her; it’s like orym testing fearne, testing her reaction, testing her resolve, and while I believe he sincerely wants to trust her and he does trust his connection with her, orym wouldn’t love fearne completely if he didn’t also love her nature. In all its dangers. And I just love that if it wasn’t just a simple “we’re gonna do this, and YOU have to do THIS”, there’s like a splintering of more love orym has for his best friend because it’s like “I am asking you to be something other than who you are, but I will love you though my heart will break for you even if you can’t”. like this conversation was less about orym devising a contingency plan to keep imogen out of initiative and more so genuinely and so orym-ly confronting fearne about how much he needs her on his side, even if that breaks his heart to put that clearly unbearable task specifically on her shoulders, explicitly telling her “I am RELYING on YOU to potentially take out someone who appeals to your nature, a friend”, it’s like orym can be better prepared if he also needs to consider the depths of how much fearne’s nature silently aligns with her desires in the upcoming altercation. And it’s like this degree of discomfort he deliberately (though not lightly) puts on fearne actually could help her in making whatever decision she’s going to make and not make it as lightly as she might have before. orym, who was there when fearne first started to feel experiences so deeply, who has been through everything of sincerity and companionship, looking her in the eyes and pleading her to willingly choose the harder path. even though he knows just how painful it’s going to be.
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