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hyunniesgirl · 5 months

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Another Love | Part 4

Summary: you've been hopelessly in love with Han since you were children. One night you confess your feelings to him.

Words count: 6,639

Warnings for this chapter: angst(as usual)

A/N: I'm sorry it took me a bit longer to write this part, I'm just in a weird place right now. I'm doubting a lot about my skills as a writer and that leads me to believe everything I write sucks so this was a bit harder to write, I hope you all like it though.

Jisung has been dreaming about you lately. Going back to every little memory he has with you, watching all the signs you gave him while he was oblivious to you, to your feelings.

It's been almost a week since Han ended things with Lia. The things she said are still stuck in his head, he can't be in love with you. Not after rejecting you. Not after everything you went through to get over him. Not now, when you're happy with someone else.

Things are going back to the way they were before, except that now your roles are reversed, he's the one hanging on your every word and movement, all the little details about you look fascinating to him. He's never felt this way before.

You're not avoiding him anymore. Things fell into place slowly, you started having dinner together again, talking about your day. Then you got back to making coffee for him in the morning, waking him up with the nice scent so he wouldn't be too grumpy woking up so early.

He has a mission now: to stop these strange thoughts he's having. Even if he is indeed feeling this way about you, he lost his chance. He knows he did. Right now, he wants to focus on being a good friend to you, the same as he was before the confession happened.

Jisung just didn't expect how he would feel seeing you with Jeongho again. You invited all your friends to dinner in a nice restaurant, to officially introduce your boyfriend to everyone.

This must be how you felt seeing him with all his previous partners, you must have felt this ache in your chest, as if someone was holding your heart and squeezing it to their heart's content.

You look pretty, hair tied in a ponytail and a dress he never saw before, maybe it's a gift from your boyfriend, he wouldn't know. He avoids talking about your relationship, too selfish to handle the same pain you did for so many years.

Your friendship is getting back to what it was, even though he screwed up really badly, you were the bigger person and forgave him, so he has no right feeling this way about you.

Jisung knows it would be better for you and for him if you didn't come back to the apartment but he's too greedy, he wants you close to him.

This whole problem began because he was greedy, afterall. He didn't want to stay away from you, then he hurt you again and again trying to fix things. Now he just wants to make things right, he just wants you to be happy.

You're smiling so brightly it actually makes his heart skip a beat. He sips from his drink, trying to calm his heart a bit and watch as the others try to make small talk.

“So how did you meet y/n?” Chan asks Jeongho.

“I had the biggest crush on her in middle school but she mercilessly rejected me”, Jeongho answers, looking at you and smiling playfully.

“I thought he had lost a bet or something”, you defend yourself.

“Why would you think that?” Han asks, surprised and you stare at him for a second before shrugging. Of course Jisung was not the only reason for you to reject Jeongho, you were just learning about your feelings at that time. You just couldn't get your head around why someone older and handsome like Jeongho would want to have anything to do with you.

“Y/N was one of the prettiest girls in our school”, Han comments, not understanding why you would feel like that.

He always thought you were pretty, that's why he always complimented you and gave you clothes saying they would look good on you.

“I think teenagers are just insecure. I guess it's part of growing up”, you sip from your wine glass.

Jisung never thought you were insecure about anything by the way you carried yourself with your head high, always so sure about everything you put your mind into. Maybe there's too much he doesn't know about you.

The rest of the dinner goes well, your friends are being nice and trying to make Jeongho comfortable, you're happy about it. Everything seems to be falling into place with your best friend by your side being his normal self and your boyfriend, the guy you're falling in love with being just perfect. Your heart is finally healing, you're moving on, things are working out. You couldn't wish for anything else, you just want things to stay like this forever.

“Are you happy?” Jisung asks when you're outside the restaurant, Jeongho stepped out to take a call from work and left you and your friends alone. One by one they called it a night, saying their goodbyes and leaving you and Han alone.

You stare at him for a moment before answering.

“Yes, I am”, you're not sure why he wants to know and not even sure why you're thinking so much before answering.

Jisung smiles, a sincere and bright smile.

“I'm glad”, he says, “I want you to be happy”

You are a bit taken aback, you didn't expect him to react this way, he almost sounds like a grown up now.

“Thanks, I-”

“I'm sorry I kept you waiting”, Jeongho's voice cuts you out. He slides his arm over your shoulders pulling you closer.

“I should get going”, Jisung says, turning his gaze away from you and your boyfriend.

“Aren't you going home?” You ask and he shakes his head, he's not sure if he can stay at the same place with you two for much longer. “Oh, are you going to Lia's?”

There's not a bit of discomfort in your face, so he just nods. He's not sure if now is the best moment to tell you about his situation with Lia.

“Okay, see you tomorrow then”, you hesitate, not sure if it's appropriate, but you try not thinking too much, throwing your arms around him, squeezing him into a hug. You would never think twice about hugging him before your confession, there's no need for you to make it awkward now.

You're trying to get things back to the way they were and Jisung notices that, he's grateful. So the only thing he can do is wrap his arms around your waist, hugging you back.

Jisung didn't want to lie, but he's afraid it may be uncomfortable to you if he says he's not with Lia anymore. And he's afraid you'll be able to see right through him, see that he is giving in to the strange feelings he's trying so hard to avoid.

He ends up sleeping on Chan's couch, if he could call that ‘sleeping’. Everytime he closes his eyes, you show up in his mind, smiling, making a joke, just looking at him. Everytime he finally managed to fall asleep, you would be there, together with your boyfriend, giggling and kissing him while Jisung just watched. He would wake up sweating and stare at the ceiling for at least ten minutes before trying to sleep again.

>><<

After pondering what he wanted to do from now on, Jisung decided he should have some closure with Lia. He didn't like the way things ended with her, he really liked her until a certain point and above all, she is a good person. Even though he didn't want to, he ended up hurting her and he should apologize for that.

Awkward. That's the best word to explain the situation that Jisung finds himself in right now. Lia is on the other side of the table, glaring at him like she could kill him with the power of her mind.

“What is it that you want?” She asks, coldly.

He clears his throat, trying to gather some courage.

“I want to apologize”, he says, “I shouldn't have lead you on even though I already knew something was not right”, sighing he looks at her, biting his lower lip, “I'm just… confused, I ended up hurting you in the middle of this mess and I'm really sorry”

Lia looks at his eyes, staring deeply. She can feel his sincerity but she's not sure if only an apology is enough to make up for the pain he caused. She's not crazy, she knows people can't control how they feel most of the time. Maybe if he just admits he likes you, she'll feel at ease.

“So, have you finally accepted that you're in love with y/n?”

Jisung thinks for a bit, trying to put what he is feeling into words.

“I don't know if love is the right word”, he says, fidgeting with his fingers, “but I'm feeling some weird things around her, when she smiles or laughs, or even when she's doing nothing”, he covers his mouth with his hand in a slap, wide eyes, realizing he is talking about being in love with someone else with the girl that likes him.

Lia chuckles.

“It's alright, I'm pretty sure that's the definition of love though”, she sighs looking at Jisung. “Maybe you never felt that before”

It's not easy for her to be kind and comprehensive at the moment, but it's not like being mean is going to make him like her back. She's not actually even sure if she wants that anymore. Maybe her heart just accepted things ended, maybe she was already preparing herself for this since Han started acting differently, but the pain is not as great as she thought it would be. Maybe seeing him naively admitting his feelings made her have some sympathy for the mess he made of his relationship with you, maybe she didn't like him as much as she thought.

Since the beginning, there were too many maybes in this relationship. Lia knows she deserves better, she deserves someone who's sure about her, no maybes.

“I think I can forgive you, yeah”, she chuckles seeing Jisungs shocked face, “not now, obviously”, with a sigh, she looks deeply into his eyes, “you were always great to me before things started going wrong and I know you're not a bad person”, she stands up, “I'm actually feeling bad for you, with the mess you created I have no idea how you're going to fix it, but I'll cheer for you”, she puts her hand in his shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance. Lia leaves Jisung there, stuck in his head once more. At least that is something they both have in common, because he sure doesn't know how he's going to keep these strange feelings under control while fixing his relationship with you.

>><<

If Jisung had to rate his acting skills, he would be proud to say he deserves an award. He's succeeding at pretending not to be in love with you while maintaining a healthy friendship.

It's almost the same as it was before, except Jisung has to watch his every move. He's trying to act normal while trying to crush the onslaught of feelings in his chest everytime you laugh at one of his jokes, or when you just talk about your very normal day.

You both do your things during the day, have dinner together and talk or watch something before sleeping, that's your routine when Jeongho is not visiting.

You've been watching your phone lately, more than usual, is there something wrong? He's sure you're just waiting for Jeongho's call. Jisung has lost count of how many nights he spent listening to your laughs on the phone with your boyfriend, wishing it was him making you happy like that.

It's true, he's struggling. He's not sure how you managed to like him for so long without freaking out, because he's about to collapse and it's been just about a month since he came to terms with his feelings.

He feels bad just thinking about how much you must have suffered because of him, before and after your confession. Guilt is eating him alive, along with heartbreak.

He's been watching you for a while now, you are washing the dishes while talking about these kids you tutor and how smart they are, he's staring at you with heart eyes—you're not seeing—while he dries the dishes.

“I'm sure they can only learn so fast because it's you teaching them”, Jisung says.

You giggle to his compliment, bumping a shoulder into his.

“Should we watch a movie before going to bed?” You ask, drying your hands on your apron.

“I'm actually kinda sleepy”, Jisung laughs, he can only keep his feeling bottled for so long, he doesn't want to get careless and blurt out everything. He knows that if he gets too comfortable he'll feel at ease and you were always too good at making him tell you what's on his mind.

“Let's do it another time then”, you shrug, taking your phone out of your pocket and smiling when the screen brightens with Jeongho's name.

Han feels his chest tighten, he wants to throw up, he wants to cry, he wants to plead for you to not like someone else. But he can't do any of those things, not when you're so happy. So he won't be selfish, he'll think about you first and keep his distance.

>><<

It's been almost a month since the last time you saw Jeongho. He was not able to come by on the usual weekends because the company he works for is opening a new branch somewhere and he is involved in the project.

He's been busy, texting less and not even calling, so you start getting insecure. What if he's getting cold feet about your relationship? Maybe he met someone more interesting who's near him.

No. Jeongho wouldn't be like that. He would break up if he didn't like you anymore, you know him enough to know that.

When he calls saying he's coming to see you, you feel excited once again. You knew you were mistaken, it's not right to presume the worst just because he's a bit more busy. It must be nothing.

You just can't shake the feeling that you were going through the calm before the storm and now the bad weather is finally coming.

He's waiting for you at the restaurant of the hotel he's staying in, Jeongho is fidgeting with his fingers nervously, looking around until his eyes land on you. You smile at him, waving at him but he doesn't smile back.

“Hey”, you say, dropping your bag on the chair and sitting, “is there something wrong?”

“I received a promotion”, he says suddenly, he doesn't look happy about it.

“That's great”, you smile, taking his hand into yours to hold it, not really understanding his reaction.

He stares at your hands together, taking a deep breath before speaking again.

“Actually, the company wants me to go to Europe”, Jeongho says, fidgeting with his hands.

“Oh”, you frown, “for how long?”

“They are not sure about the exact period, but-”, he clears his throat, looking around, “they are projecting it to be between five and eight years”, he replies, feeling his breathing quickening.

“They want you to move there?” You repeat it to yourself, trying to absorb the information.

“They are trying to make an entry in the European market, so a team is needed there to develop the new branch”

“Okay, yeah”, you feel dizzy, “we can work with that, hm, I can- we can visit each other”, you nod, trying to organize your thoughts.

“Y/N-”, Jeongho starts, his voice fails and he stops for a moment before continuing. “Long distance works right now because we are a 2 hour flight away from each other, not 12 hours”

“What are you saying?” You feel all the air in your lungs escape, knowing exactly what he means but choosing not to believe it.

“I don't think we can keep doing this, I'm not sure our relationship is going to survive and-”, he sighs, running his hand through his hair, “I won't ask you to come with me”

“Why not? Why won't you ask me?” You plead, feeling tears brimming in your eyes. It's not logical what you're asking of him, but you don't want to hurt anymore, not again.

“How could I? I can't make you leave your whole life here, your family, your friends or college to go to a country where you know no one but me”, he explains, “I’ll be in charge of a large project, I'll have to stay late probably everyday and you're going to stay alone, how could I do that to you?”

“Don't you think that's for me to decide?” You ask, feeling your hands shaking. You put them in between your legs, trying not to show him the sight of your broken heart.

“I can't- I can't carry that guilt with me”, he says, “not knowing how happy you are here, if you go with me and things end up not working out I could never forgive myself”

“What if things work out? What if we are happy together forever? Did you consider it for a moment?” You ask, he's not looking at you. Jeongho is trying to hold his own tears, trying to be strong for you, “I guess this relationship is not worth you considering it”, you stand up, grabbing your bag.

He lifts his eyes to look at him, finding your quivering lips and the tears flooding from your eyes.

“Well, good luck then”, you tell him, turning around and walking out.

After walking far enough from the hotel, you let yourself crouch on the floor, scaring the people walking by. You are sobbing, trying to wipe the tears from your eyes, but they keep coming continuously.

You stand up again, walking, what are you supposed to do now? When are things going to finally get better for you? Since you confessed to Jisung things got worse over and over, you should have never told him about your feelings, maybe your life would have stayed the same.

The hurt you felt seeing him with other people was a pain you were already used to, but this? This is excruciating, it's the same all over again, the same as when Jisung rejected you. Will you ever feel complete again?

It's 3 a.m, Jisung went to the studio to work for a bit and to try to forget about everything else. His phone buzzes in his pocket, when he looks at the screen, your name is there. He doesn't think twice about answering, just to find your drunk voice on the other side of the call. He can't understand a thing you're saying just that you'll share your location with him.

He grabs the keys to his car, running to the parking lot, he drives for about thirty minutes until arriving where you are. The bar is empty, there are only employees cleaning and you're laying on the counter, unconscious.

“It's been a while since we closed, but we let her stay inside since it looks like she went through something”, the bartender tells Han when he gets closer.

“Thank you”, Jisung says, before trying to wake you up with no success. He sighs, looking around and thinking about what to do.

He slides one of your arms around his neck, putting one of his hands behind your back for support and the other underneath your knees, lifting you up.

Your face is puffy, he can see it now that he's looking so closely, you probably cried a lot but what would make you cry like that?

Jisung glances at you a few times during the ride home. You groan, whining something in your sleep, even crying a bit. That makes him even more worried.

He repeats the process of picking you up when he parks in front of your apartment, carrying you inside. You whimper all the way to the apartment, he knows you can wake up at any moment.

Han sits you on your bed, taking your coat off and helping you lay down, covering you with a blanket after taking off your shoes. Your makeup is all smeared, so he picks a wet tissue and starts rubbing your face, trying to take off everything he can.

You open your eyes slowly, seeing Jisung with a focused expression while whipping your face.

“What are you doing?” You ask, making him jump. He was so concentrated he didn't even see you waking up.

“I was trying to take your makeup off”, he says, “it's not good for you to sleep with it on your face”

“How did I come home?” You look around, stumbling a bit over your words.

“You don't remember calling me?” He asks and you shake your head. “I went to the bar to pick you up”

Jisung is still whipping your face while he talks, that's when you remember why you were in the bar in the first place and tears run out of your eyes again.

“What happened? Why are you crying like this?” He asks worriedly, helping you sit on the bed.

“I don't- everything goes wrong for me”, you say, sobbing. “Maybe I'm the problem”

Jisung sighs, pulling you into a hug and holding you tightly, feeling your tears soak his shirt. He's worried and doesn't know what to do, should he call Hannah? Or Jeongho? Jisung knows you went to meet with him earlier… wait, did that guy do this to you?

After you stop sobbing for a while, Jisung realizes you fell asleep in his embrace. He lies you on the bed, covering you with the blanket once more. He leaves a glass of water and some hangover medicine on your nightstand so you can take in the morning and prepares his bed on the floor.

You wake up to the bright sunlight coming from the window, your head hurts like crazy and you're so thirsty it seems like a thousand years since you last drank something.

You take the hangover medicine and the water, while sitting down, still a bit dizzy. When your feet touch the floor, it's not the hard ground they meet but something soft. Why is Jisung sleeping by your bedside?

He doesn't look a bit comfortable, although he seems fast asleep. You start poking him, trying to make him wake up, causing your friend to jump and hold your arm.

“Are you alright?” He asks, eyes widened.

You frown at the sight, it's been a while since you last saw Jisung this startled.

“Yeah”, you answer and he can finally let out the breath he didn't even notice was being held. “Why are you sleeping on the floor?”

He looks around for a bit as if he didn't understand why you were asking such a thing.

“Oh, I- hm- I was afraid you would need something so I stayed here just in case”, he tells you and you nod.

It's not an uncommon occurrence for you two to do this kind of thing, even when you were living with your parents. When one of you got sick, it was a tradition to stay by each other's side until the other felt better.

When you moved in with him, naturally, your drinking habits grew since you didn't have to worry about your parents anymore. Jisung was responsible for taking care of you when you came home wasted after partying with Hannah or even when you drunk with him and the boys, he made sure to stay sober enough to still be able to take you home and help you get to your room safely.

“Oh”, you answer, “thank you”

He kept staring at you, waiting for something you're not sure what is.

“Do you want to talk about the reason you got wasted last night?” He asks, awkwardly and the pain comes back all at once.

It was so nice, the period of numbness after waking up from a deep sleep, you wish you could keep feeling that way. Now, your hands are trembling again, just like last night, tears are brimming in your eyes and your lips are quivering. It's obvious to Jisung, you're trying not to cry.

He gets up, collecting the things he used to sleep, without looking at you, he doesn't want to make you any more uncomfortable.

“We don't have to talk about it”, he says, putting the blanket and pillow back in your wardrobe. “Do you want me to call Hannah?” He asks and you stare at him for a moment, nodding to his question, not really wanting to look at your phone.

You're scared Jeongho contacted you, you don't want to see him. But more than anything, you're scared he didn't try talking to you at all, because that means everything is really over.

It's pathetic, you know that break ups happen. But Jeongho was the first guy to ever make you feel the closest to what you ever felt for Jisung, no other could do that and you're scared no one ever will.

Hannah gets to your place about an hour after Jisung called her. She's huffing, hair messed up and puffy face.

“Were you sleeping?” You ask her and she takes a deep breath, seeing that you're okay.

“I'm going to kill that guy”, she yells out of the door to your room, “he made it seems like you were dying or something”

“If I was dying I'm pretty sure he would have taken me to the hospital”, you point out.

Hannah rolls her eyes, dropping her bag on the floor. Closing the door, she walks slowly to sit on your bed, she can clearly see that you cried a lot.

“So, did something happen?” She asks, you avoid her gaze, looking at anything but her face. You find your fingers much more interesting than any part of this conversation, actually. So you pay attention to them, playing on your lap.

“It's nothing”, you answer.

Hannah sighs, if you don't want to talk about it, it means it's bad.

“We don't have to talk about it right now”, she stretches her hand, taking yours and squeezing it. “But you will have to talk about it eventually”

It's your time to sigh now, she's right, you know that, but talking about it makes it real and you don't want it to be real.

“Jeongho broke up with me”, you rip the bandaid all at once.

Hannah gasps, she's speechless. How can this be? She thought he was head over heels for you, so why?

“His company is sending him to Europe and he doesn't want to do long distance”, you feel the tears brimming into your eyes again, voice cracking, “or take me with him”

It's the first time in her life Hannah doesn't know what to say. Your love life is such a mess, worse than hers, so she doesn't have any advice or any comfort to give you.

“Honey, I…”, she tries, but what is she supposed to say? ‘I am sorry?’, that's not it, ‘he is an asshole?’ nothing of the sort.

Looking from outside the situation, Jeongho is being logical, they still are in their honeymoon phase of the relationship, everything is perfect at that time. For most people, problems start to arise after some time. However, when you're in love, you don't want logical outputs, you want what your heart wants.

Hannah is saved by a knock on the door. Han's head pops inside the room and he observes for a moment trying to assess the situation.

“I bought some things you like”, he says, “I'll be going out, so you have the apartment all to yourselves”

He wants you to feel comfortable right now, he doesn't know exactly what happened but you're sad. Jisung knows just letting you enjoy your afternoon with Hannah in the apartment is not going to make things better for whatever is making you feel so down, but he knows you are going to feel livelier after some time with Hannah.

He goes out with Hyunjin, who's buying a present for his mother. It's hot, so if his friend didn't ask very nicely he wouldn't have accepted to go to the mall, since they have to wear hoods and masks. The fact that you're home, crying your eyes out for something he has no clue about, made him want to go out too. It hurts seeing you sad and it's even worse because he can't do anything about it, not when he doesn't know what's happening.

They are looking at bags, maybe he should get you something? You are not really a materialistic person, he's not sure if giving you an expensive present is going to help at all, maybe he should get you that webtoon print you've been talking about, they should definitely have it in the bookstore next door.

When Jisung turns around to tell Hyunjin they should stop at the bookstore, he sees Jeongho. He's looking at bags too, trying to figure out which one he should choose.

Is he giving you a gift too? Maybe he did something and you fought, that's why you were crying so much. Even remembering the way you cried as soon as you woke up makes his heart ache.

Jisung walks to Jeongho, not sure how to initiate a conversation but he feels like he should try and help in some way.

“Hey”, he says, watching Jeongho turn around and look at him.

“Jisung, how are you doing?” He asks, arms crossed in front of chest.

“Fine, are you choosing a gift for y/n?” He asks, awkwardly, “I don't think she likes purple”, he points out observing the bags Jeongho was looking at.

“It's actually for my mother”, he clears his throat, frowning, “didn't y/n tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Jisung asks, confused and Jeongho nods.

“So she didn't”, he sighs, “we broke up”, he struggles to say it.

Jisung's eyes dart directly to Jeongho's face, now he can see the eyebags on his face and how tired he looks.

“Why?” Jisung panics, you shouldn't have to go through another heartbreak.

“I don't think it's something you should know about, if she didn't tell you”, Jeongho shrugs.

“Well, can't you fix it? Whatever it is that is wrong?” He asks, carefully.

Jeongho sighs, he wishes there was something he could do about it, but he's a coward who's too afraid of taking such a big step in the beginning of a relationship.

“I’m afraid I can't”, he says, “take care of her”

Jisung is speechless, he has no idea what to do, so he just watches as Jeongho chooses a gift and walks tiredly out of the store.

Jisung arrives after killing some time outside, he was out for almost the entire day and hopes that you could enjoy a bit of your day with Hannah. He doesn't know if he should bring up his encounter with Jeongho or if he should talk about what your, now ex, boyfriend told him.

He shouldn't mention it, if you didn't tell him about it, it's because you're not ready for you to know and he gets that. Han is not sure about what he's feeling. It hurts his heart to see you in so much pain but he doesn't want to overstep the boundaries you're setting.

So when he enters the house, he sees you and Hannah watching a movie, he greets you both and goes to his room. You clearly cried more since he left and he won't be able to stay in your presence without trying to comfort you.

>><<

Things are difficult for you at the moment. Even though your love for Jeongho never got to its full potential, it's still love. You're mourning what you could have had with him had things been different, you wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep anymore, feeling your chest hurting and remembering it's over.

It all sank in when he didn't contact you anymore, you're sure he's hurting too but you had hoped that you two could find a solution around this cruel puzzle.

“Should we go out?” Hannah asks while you're watching a drama, burying your sorrows in ice cream.

“I'm not really in the mood”, you say. You haven't cried for some time now, you're too tired, maybe your tears finally dried up.

“I know you don't feel like it”, Hannah sighs, looking at your apathetic face, worriedly, “but I think you should have some fresh air, you have been stuck in this apartment for a week now, it's not healthy”

You sigh, she's right, you know she is, but you can't really find the strength to doll up and go out.

“We don't have to go to a party or anything crowded”, she says, seeing the resigned look on your face. “We can just go to a cafe or something, anything”, she pleads.

You nod, sighing in defeat, maybe a walk can really lift your mood a bit.

Hannah jumps out of the sofa, taking the ice cream from your hands. She talks excitedly about what kind of things you two can do but can't really follow what she's saying, your head is still numb.

You walk around for a bit, looking at clothes in the stores nearby, doing just about anything to think of anything but your break up.

It's already night when you two decide to eat something, there's this restaurant that's kinda hidden so there's not many people eating when you arrive. It's not the first time you eat there, it's a nice and cozy place so you come by when you're needing a little bit of peace.

“Y/N?” You hear a familiar voice calling you, making you turn around to find Lia. She's smiling, there's a man accompanying her. “It's been a while”, she says after telling the man to look for a place for them to sit.

“Hey, yeah it does”, you smile politely. Lia can see the huge eyebags you have and the wide eyes your friend has looking at her.

“Are you alright?” She asks, noticing you barely touched your food.

“Yeah”, you lie, “what about you?” You ask, eyeing the guy who's now looking at his phone while waiting for Lia.

“I'm okay”, she smiles shyly, “it's not easy, you know? But I'm trying to move on, meet new people”

You frown, not really understanding what she's talking about.

“I hope we can still be on friendly terms even though Jisung and I are over”, Lia says, regrets immediately when she sees your eyes widen. He didn't tell you. Shit.

“I didn't know you guys were not together anymore”, Hannah is the one to talk, stealing Lia's attention from your shocked face.

“Yeah, hm, it's been a while actually. I thought he would have already told you everything by now”, she says apologetically. “Well, Han Jisung, let's say that now we are even”, she thinks.

“I should probably go!” Lia points out to the man who's staring impatiently. She waves goodbye to you and walks towards him, afraid she'll tell you something more she's not supposed to.

You find yourself in the dark, seated at the sofa, arms crossed in front of your chest. You can't believe you had to hear from someone other than Jisung about his relationship status. You're mad at him, you were making an effort so things could go back to the way they were so why isn't he acting like he wants that too?

Before, he would tell you everything about his romantic endeavors and even though it hurted, you felt special, knowing every little thing about him. Now, you feel like you know nothing, he's spending less time with you and every time you try doing anything just the two of you, he avoids it like you would jump his bones or something if you stay alone with him for more than two hours.

You may have not gotten over him completely, but you're fine now and for years you could behave yourself, so you're not sure why he's acting like that.

You hear the door being open, Han’s voice comes out in a discussion, he's on the phone. He walks in, putting his phone in his pocket while trying to find his way in the dark. He jumps at the sight of you on the sofa, staring at him with a scowl.

“Jesus christ, y/n”, he says, putting his hand above his heart, “what the hell are you doing there in the dark?”

He turns on the light, turning back at you. You're still staring at him in silence.

“Why didn't you tell me you and Lia are not together anymore?” You stand up, waiting for his answer.

“W-what?” His standing falters and he takes a step back. “How did you know?”

“Clearly I didn't find out from my best friend”, you scoff. “Did you think I would try making a move on you if you are single?”

Jisung frowns, how the hell did you get to that conclusion?

“No, I-”

“I'm sure you already figured Jeongho and I broke up”, you point out, “but you rejected me, I'm over that already”

“I can see why you would think that”, Jisung says carefully, “considering the way I acted when you confessed, but it's not that, I can assure you”

“I'm trying to have a normal relationship with you, you know, but you're just not the same. You don't spend time with me anymore, you don't talk to me about what's on your mind, the only thing I can think is that you're scared of me”

“I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I'm trying to act normally too, it's just-” Jisung cuts himself off, not sure what to say. At the same time he doesn't know what to say to make you stop thinking like that, he's not sure things will get any better if he tells you the truth.

“What's it? Just tell me so I can fix it, please I-”

“I'm in love with you”, he blurts out, hand instantly going to his chest and clenching the place above his heart. “I'm so in love with you it hurts”

You stumble back, almost falling. Did you hear it right?

“I don't think I understand”, you say, frowning, trying to make sense of his words.

“I feel terrible, I rejected you and made you suffer just for me to feel like this now?” He scoffs, “I'm sorry I made you think you are the problem again, but you're not, I am. I'm the one who can't stay close to you because I'm afraid I'll do something that will ruin our friendship”

You get up, trying to function properly after this sudden confession. Never, in your wildest dreams did you think there would come a day when Jisung would actually love you in the way you most desperately once wanted. You fantasized about it for years but you never really thought it would happen for real.

“I can't do this right now”, you say to him, seeing his shoulders slump. The sad look in your face is what he most feared. Jisung didn't expect you to still like him, but it would be a lie to say he didn't have any hope of you telling him he still has a chance.

“I don't expect you to like me back”, he says, voice cracking a bit when he tries to say the words he least want to, “I just don't want you to think I'm avoiding you because of you, it's because of me”

You nod slowly, still not fully recovered from the shock. You walk past him, not saying anything anymore, just entering your room and closing the door silently. This was definitely unexpected.

A/N: If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback give me motivation to keep writing. Also, you can buy me a coffee.

Taglist(closed):

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todomochi-uwu · 5 months

Text

Who. (3/?) J. Y & S. M

Pairing: Poly! Jeong Yunho x reader x Song Mingi

Genre: Angst, Smut

Warnings: This content is for a mature audience

Synopsis: You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you.

Other chapters: Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee ☕

“You remember the day we met?”

“How can I not? You were always running after me every chance you had.”

“Hey! I wanted to be your friend; I was a lonely child.”

Yunho and Mingi met when they were just children, on the playground, next to the swings. The younger one had been sitting on one of them, swinging his feet and looking at the ground, occasionally looking at the other children, wanting to play with them, but being too shy to ask. He had been there for a long time, until one of them pushed him off the swing, making him scratch the palm of his hands and the top of his knees on the ground, small teardrops started falling down his eyes, between the pain and the humiliation. He wanted to run back home and hide in his room until a small hand appeared in front of him.

“Are you okay?”

Mingi took the other boy’s hand, picking himself up and dusting his clothes off. “Yeah, thank you.”

The kid frowned, looking down at his scratched skin, “You are bleeding, come, my mom will clean you up.” He interlaced their fingers and made Mingi follow him.

And that’s how everything started. Mingi felt as if he owed Yunho for his kindness, so when he found out they went to the same school he made it his mission to follow him around everywhere he went, and while at first the older boy had thought it was a bit weird to have someone always on his tail, he quickly grew accustomed to it. They became a unit, there wasn’t one without the other, same group of friends, same schools, same everything; from children to hormonal teenagers, to young adults, and finally adults.

Yunho can’t remember when he started feeling the way he felt about Mingi, he just suddenly realised that the boy who had been next to him every day for the last twelve years made his cheeks turn red; that he would often find himself staring at him for long periods of times, admiring how much his features had changed from when they were children. He had lost all the baby fat in his face, a slimmer and sharper jawline, his piercing eyes had lost that innocent shimmer and now made his knees grow weak, and how pink and plump his lips were. Yunho wanted to die every day, knowing it wasn’t normal to think that way about his best friend, or any boy at all; crying himself to sleep wishing to wake up “normal”, luckily for him, his mom was a saint, and when she noticed her son’s feelings, she let him know that what he was feeling was completely okay and she would support him no matter what.

What he didn’t know was that Mingi was right in the same sport as he was. He had noticed the way his heart skipped a bit every time Yunho looked his way, how puffy his cheeks were and how the way he laughed made him look like a puppy, how nice his fingers looked when he was typing across the keyboard. He was in trouble, he feared rejection, he feared getting heartbroken, but amongst everything, he feared losing Yunho.

Funnily enough, all it took for their love to blossom was a shot of vodka and a game of spin the bottle, Yunho now cringes at the thought that their first kiss was drunk in front of their friends; Mingi finds it sweet—first kiss, first love, first everything. Mingi remembers Yunho’s face the first time they made love, his puffy cheeks reddening up, lips parted and small gasps left his throat, his lips swollen from making out; he looked ethereal. He remembers the way his boyfriend had been so gentle, so patient with him. Yunho remembers the way Mingi whispered sweet words of affirmation in his ear, telling him how much he loved him, and how good everything felt. And while the first may have been somewhat awkward, both truly inexperienced and nervous, it was a memory they were both fond of.

“You remember how you told me you loved me the first time?” Mingi giggled, laying his head on Yunho’s shoulder, leaning further down on the couch outside their apartment’s balcony. They were looking at the stars trying to distract themselves, feeling too anxious to do anything else.

“Oh god, please don’t remind me. I was such a fucking idiot.” He facepalmed himself, feeling the cringe cover his body.

“You came up to my house with a bouquet of lilies you stole from your neighbour’s garden, banged on my door, and when I opened the door, you just screamed, “Do you like me back?” No, I like you. No, do you want to be my boyfriend? No. Just, do you like me back?”

“I’m sorry, I was a little bisexual closeted teenager trying to confess to his best friend, I didn’t know there was formal etiquette to asking you out.”

Mingi let out another small laugh, taking Yunho’s face between his hands and leaned up for a kiss. Slow, gentle, full of love, just like how all of their relationship had been, until recently. They stayed silent for a little while, lost in their thoughts.

“Do you remember the day we met her?”

College days were blurred memories for both boys; too busy with law and med school, always stressed, always horny and always sleepy. That week Wooyoung had invited the couple to a party at his house, it had been the first time in months they had the time to have fun, so they eagerly accepted. The first task that night was getting drunk off their minds, the next one was to dance and chat all they could and the last one was to go back to the apartment and fuck each other's brains out, it sounded like a good plan. Only one thing got in their way, you.

Mingi had been sitting down on the armrest of an old and crusty couch, sipping on something someone had told him was “jungle juice”, a beverage that tasted like ass, but was getting him tipsy, so that was fine by him. He was looking around, trying to find his boyfriend in the crowd, when his eyes came across a view that had him questioning if what was before his eyes was real, or if he was just starting to hallucinate from the drink.

“Hey, Mingi! Haven't seen you in a while, where have you been, man?” Han side hugged me, and Mingi tried to focus on what he was saying, but he just couldn’t, not when you were right there. He prayed on the back of his head that you weren’t dating Jisung, “Oh, right, I'm sorry, babe. Y/n, this my friend Mingi. Mingi, this is Y/n.” He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, blood drowning the inside of his cheeks and air escaping his lungs, how does one talk again?

“Hi.” You smiled at him. He was done.

It would be a lie to say you were not feeling the same. The pain Chan had been leaving in your heart for the past months went away in a second, the weight being lifted off your shoulders. Jisung had pitied you the second he noticed the way you were looking at his friend, he didn’t know how to bring up the fact that Mingi wasn’t single, of course, that was until he saw he was looking at you the same way. Surprised and confused, he decided to excuse himself, not wanting to get involved in the potential mess.

You guys went outside, claiming the noise was overwhelming you, it was there where a tall figure crossed your way, going directly to your new friend. “Hey, baby.” The new stranger said, while leaning down and doing the same thing you’ve been wanting to do all night, Mingi kissed him back.

“Hi, love. I tried looking for you, but couldn’t find you.”

“I had to come outside, Seonghwa and San were becoming too much, and I'm tired. Do you want to leave?”

You stared at the ground, feeling your heart fall to your stomach, Of course, you had gone out to forget about one guy and another one had crushed you.

“Yunho, this is Y/n. Y/n this is my boyfriend, Yunho.”

Boyfriend, great. You never even had a chance.

You looked up, ready to say hello and get the hell out of there, but you made eye contact with him, and all of a sudden everything turned even more confusing in your head. Yunho’s eyes widened the second they saw yours, his heart stopped, and the spit in his throat made him choke. Easy to say, Mingi and Yunho didn’t leave that party as they planned, they spent hours and hours with you, getting to know you, making you laugh, flirt with you… Jisung had come back, ready to leave when the scene in front of him had completely startled him. There you were, in between the two men, one of them devouring your mouth like there was no tomorrow while the other one groped your hips and sucked on your neck. Han is a good friend because even though he wanted to leave after fighting with Minho, he decided to wait for you, wanting you to have a good time and forget about Chan, so he spent the next hours going and coming back to see if you were done. Finally, you were done and gone with two new numbers on your phone and the promise of a date the next day.

“I was so scared that night,” Yunho confessed for the first time.

Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed, “why?”

“Well, yeah we both made out with her that night, but I knew I liked her the second I saw her, I wanted something more, but I didn’t want to lose you, and I didn’t even know how that would work.”

“We acted as if we knew what the hell we were doing, like some experts in polyamorous relationships.” The lawyer grinned, “I was also worried she would wake up the next morning and completely forget about us, or just see us as a one-time thing.”

Both smiled at the idea that that didn’t happen, but it turned sour the second they remembered that while they had managed to get you, they had also managed to lose you.

“I miss her, Min.”

“Don’t worry, Yuyu. We’ll bring her back home, I promise.” He wanted to reassure his partner, but the same he was nervous, could they?

____________________________________________

“Oh my god, Chan! I’m so happy for you.” You threw your hands around him, shaking him around excitedly.

“It's not that big of a deal, Y/n.” His cheeks turned red.

“It’s not a big deal? Chan, you finally got that promotion you’ve been waiting for years, this is huge!” You jumped around, making Chan laugh, “We have to celebrate, let's go out tonight, I’ll call Jisung.” She skipped to her room, not waiting for Chan’s answer.

You always made him special, like everything he did was amazing, and his heart couldn’t help but feel warm and heavy in his chest. It had been a little bit more than two and a half months since you had appeared on his doorstep, and his head had been going to the same place again and again the last few days, would it be okay if he tried anything? He didn’t expect you to answer right away or to even like him back, but he could still hope. He had noticed that in the last weeks, you had stopped crying, you stopped looking at your phone every five minutes or at every notification that popped up, and you stopped mentioning them all together, could you be moving on? This and more questions circled his head as he finished getting ready, he had taken a shower and chosen an outfit that didn’t consist of an oversized hoodie and baggy shorts; he needed all the luck and advantage he could get. He was wearing his favourite black combat boots, some black ripped skinny jeans, the ones that hugged his legs and ass just right (according to Changbin), a black crop top that Han had gifted him, claiming “it was a crime the world had never seen his abs in one of those”, but he had never worn it due to being too shy, a jean jacket and a bunch of black and silver jewellery adorning his hands, wrists, ears and neck, his hair straighten and slicked back, opposed to his usual messy curls.

He had just come out of his room, when you ran into him, “Jesus Christ, Chan, you look so good.” Your eyes were everywhere on his body, but his eyes. Chris couldn't help but feel a bust of confidence.

“You don’t look half bad.” You were wearing a tight black leather skirt with a blue spaghetti strap lace top (it was Mingi’s favourite outfit on you, it gave you confidence, and made you feel good about yourself, but Chan didn’t have to know that), on your neck was his favourite necklace, the one he had been wearing and had left on the bathroom counter, right before taking a shower and you had found. “You are wearing my necklace.” He gulped, and he scolded himself in his head, why was he acting like a hormonal teenager all of a sudden? You did weird things to his head.

“Oh yeah, I was going to give it to you, but it looked good with my outfit, I hope you don’t mind.” You batted your eyes at him, trying to look cute so he didn’t make you take the jewellery off.

His mouth dried up. Fuck, Chris, get it together, he thought. “I don’t, it’s okay.”

You smiled brightly at him, “I’m ready, I’ll just go and put my shoes on. Can you go get Jisung meanwhile?”

He nodded and turned around, hyping himself up the entire way to your friend’s apartment.

____________________________________________

“You said she would be here, Minho,” Yunho said, they were standing in front of Chan’s door.

“I didn’t know they were going out tonight, calm down Jeong.”

“Jisung didn’t tell you he was going out with them?”

Minho sighed, exasperated with the couple, “I forgot, okay? Besides now you know where she is, you can come back another time and…” Mingi was quick to cut him off.

“No, I'm not leaving until I see her. I've been going crazy for months and I’m not going without talking to her.” He sat down on the floor, next to the door, “I'm waiting here until they come back.”

Minho looked at him in disbelief, “You can not stay there, they’ll be gone for hours, and you might freak out some of the neighbours.

Mingi simply shrugged, looking down at the floor.

Minho turned to look at Yunho, wanting him to do something about his partner, but he was already sitting down next to him. “You cannot be serious.”

“We are not leaving until we see her. End of story.”

Minho threw back his head, exhausted and annoyed with their stubbornness, “Suit yourselves.” He disappeared down the hall.

____________________________________________

Han looked at Chan while he looked at her, the memory of their college relationship popped into his head. He remembers consoling you, trying to mend your broken heart as best as he could; he remembered why you ended things, why you moved on, how you did it. He also remembers finding out about Chan’s feelings, that same night Minho went to pick him up after he passed out drunk. He remembered feeling guilty for introducing you to them, for not having a clue Chan reciprocated your feelings. And tonight, he couldn't help, once again, but feel bad for the producer, if only he had said something, would things be different now?

“I didn't know you still felt that way about her…” Jisung said as he took a sip of his drink.

Chan looked at the floor, and shook his head, “Did Minho tell you?”

“He didn’t have to.”

____________________________________________

Minho couldn’t sleep. He kept turning and tossing in his bed, and no, it wasn’t the lack of his husband next to him, it was the pair of idiots down the hall that crowded his head. He couldn’t help, but feel bad for them, having been in the same situation as them, lost, heartbroken, fearing the uncertainty his relationship had been a few years ago. He wanted to ignore so badly that feeling in his gut, telling him to help them, but he just couldn’t, so he got up from the bed and made his way, once again, down to Chan’s apartment.

There they were, asleep. Mingi was lying on Yunho’s shoulder covering it in drool, while the other one had a look of discomfort on his face, even asleep he could feel how uncomfortable was the wall he was leaning against.

Minho crouched down, shaking his fellow rival doctor by the shoulder, “Jeong, wake up.” He whispered, “Come on, idiot. I don’t have all day.”

Yunho opened his eyes, at first alarmed, but then confused. Y/n wasn’t there, why was he being awoken?

“Be quiet, I'm taking you there, get up.” He got up, ready to walk away, “Hurry up and don’t wake up Mingi. I certainly don’t need two idiots in my car, and I doubt she wants to see you both,”

____________________________________________

Taglist:

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#ateez #ateez angst #ateez smut #ateez x reader #jeong yunho #mingi angst #mingi smut #mingi x reader #song mingi #yunho angst #yunho x reader #yunho smut #mochi writes #yungi #ateez yungi #yungi x reader

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januaryembrs · 1 day

Text

WAS I FOOLIN MYSELF | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader [5]

Description: The THREE times you can't have him no matter how much you want to

Length. 15.2k

warnings: angst, spencer's addiction mentioned, gory cm cases (medical trauma, removing limbs, human marionettes etc) explosion, broken arm and surgery, slight lemon at end but not actually written just described aftermath, Maeve arc (I'm so sorry), guns, almost dying, blood, general cm warnings, anything else let me know!

previous chpt | next chpt

Authors note; I will edit in the morning I just really wanted you all to have the next chapter as promised!!

'I'ma strike these matches, never had control,

I'm ready to let go, no, was I fooling myself?'

The one with the wedding

JJ’s ears were ringing, a high pitched whine like a radio skipping between stations searching for a signal, and she felt the hard concrete against her milky skin before the throbbing in her forehead hit.

“JJ, are you alright?” There were hands at her shoulders, patting her down for fractures, not wanting to move her if her spine had been hit, and it wasn’t until she rolled herself over, eyes frantic and in shock that she saw Morgan.

“Where’s Will? Where’s Bugsy?” She asked, the words blurring into one word. Her legs were struggling to a stand before she could think too much about the concussion she almost definitely had, giving Morgan a quick once over, “Did they get out of there?”

But she hadn’t seen any movement before the blast had shot them back ten feet to the floor. Had only seen the back of the youngest Prentiss woman’s head as she rushed into the building to get emergency medical care to her partner.

“Where’s Emily?” Morgan added, and the two of them realised they were missing perhaps three of the most important people to them with no sign of life from any of them.

It didn’t take much for JJ to take off bolting into where the bank’s entrance had crumbled to the floor, where the dust hadn’t even settled and they didn’t know whether there was a second set of bombs waiting for them. They didn’t know anything.

And it was for that reason JJ dipped straight into the wall of smoke, hand tight on her gun as she went to look for survivors.

Morgan and Hotch were hot on her heels, a dozen firefighters and medical in tow, a similar face of dread in their expressions.

Aaron’s heart was in his throat when they entered the building, the west facing wall almost entirely in smithereens on the floor. The dust choked him the second they ran in, and he coughed before he could even get a word out, hand flying over his mouth to try give himself some kind of filter to the air.

“Bugsy!” He yelled as loud as his dry vocal chords would allow, “Bugsy, give us a signal,”

Nothing. Nothing but the sound of JJ and Morgan screaming for Will and Emily just as loud. And even to that they received no answer.

It wasn’t until they got close enough to the rubble and began seeing the bodies did Aaron start to fear the worst. He called her name again, her real name, splitting up from the rest of his team because it was no longer a mission for the UnSubs, it was now a search and rescue.

He crouched to press his fingers against a woman’s throat, stomach flipping when he felt no pulse beneath them, before he moved onto another one, his eyes darting between the chunks of brick and ceiling to see if he could spot anything that looked like an FBI jacket.

It wasn’t until he found one of the men donned in a SWAT uniform, his gun long since dropped to the tiles that he knew he must be close. It was one of the guys who had gone into the buildings seconds before her.

He felt for a familiar thrum of a heartbeat, his breath thick in his throat when he managed to get a slow and steady thump, and he immediately began signalling for medical attention.

Paramedics came running over with a stretcher between them, but Aaron wasn’t finished, Not until he saw her.

He dodged around the large chunk of stone that piled in the centre of the room, cringing when he saw a splatter of blood on the tiles in front of him, and it was only when he saw a hand splayed out on the floor did his heart truly stop.

His cold eyes were wet with fear as he traced the hand up its arm, the familiar blue he wore himself ripped to shreds, the skin beneath it broken and the bone snapped clean in two. He could barely make out the three letters, F. B. I. that were so covered in blood and dirt it almost matched the navy, before he got the pillow of familiar hair matted against a head that faced away from him.

But it was her. There was no doubt about it.

He thinks he said her name, but it might just have been a sob, because he fell to his knees quickly, scrambling to get to her face to see if she would respond to him at all.

“Bugsy, I need you to wake up,” He ordered, though it sounded like a hiss of pain, his rough hands finding her young face, desperate for any movement behind her eyelids, “Come on, sweetheart, just tell me what day it is,”

Years of training on what to do in a crisis and the correct first aid to give to someone unresponsive flew out of his brain, leaving behind bits and pieces like getting her to talk to see whether she had severed anything in that big, amazing brain of hers that had so much promise.

He leaned his ear down next to her nose, looking down the front of her chest to check for any signs of breath.

This was too similar to what Foyet had done with Haley, like a horrid deja-vu he wouldn’t wish even on their worst UnSub. He had been too slow, too stubborn, too stupid to stop her from getting hurt. He didn’t know what her blood on his hands would feel like, didn’t know if he would ever sleep again knowing he had gotten her killed.

Aaron’s stomach flipped when he saw her ribs rising slowly beneath her vest, her breaths cold against his earlobe.

“Guess it’s my turn to come back from the dead, huh?” A croaking whisper came softly, and he flicked his head around so fast he thought he might have whiplash.

But her eyes were open, squinting and tired, and he cursed the fact he had only then noticed the cut on her forehead, red ichor pumping fast and restlessly down the side of her face.

He gave a breathless laugh, though it pained his own ringing ear to do so, stroking gently down her face with the same care he would put Jack to bed with.

“Gotcha,” She smiled up at him sheepishly, her brows furrowing when she seemed then to notice the tears rolling down the tip of his nose, “Aaron Hotchner crying over me, are pigs flying today?”

He chuckled wetly, and his eyes were the warmest brown she’d ever seen them when he looked down at her. He turned his attention away for a second to call over medical, his eyes landing on Emily who was also frantically scanning the wreckage for her sister and giving her a sign too.

“You gave us quite a scare there,” Aaron said softly, because judging by the bump on her head, and the way blood was pooling in her ears, he guessed her eardrums had been damaged in the blast. Emily was over to them in seconds, looking dishevelled herself, and she gasped into her hands when she saw her sister’s fragile form.

“Bugsy- oh my god your arm,”

The girl’s face dropped, eyes widening as she tried turning to see the damage but Aaron was faster, quickly blocking her view of the mangled mess of skin with hand over the side of her head.

“What’s wrong with my arm?” She asked, and he saw nothing but his son with a scraped knee in her eyes when she looked up at him vulnerably. Emily fell to her knees next to her, taking over from Aaron by stroking her sister’s cheek, because if her adrenaline rose too much, then the numbness of the shock would wear off and she would feel it all.

“I think it’s broken, but the paramedics are going to fix you right up, I promise,” Emily cooed, though she felt herself go a little white at the sight of her sister’s bones so mangled and in pieces.

Aaron looked up when he heard Morgan calling his name, spotting the paramedic team navigating their way back to where the three of them sat, and he waved his hand up to let them know where they were.

He bit his tongue, looking down at where Bugsy was clearly starting to wake up more to just how bad of a state she was in, and she watched him woefully be torn between helping the rest of his team or staying with her.

“You guys can go, I’m no use on the case anymore,” She said, despite the fact she was terrified of what might happen if they left her alone.

“Are you crazy, absolutely not-,” Emily was cut off when two EMT’s rounded the block of concrete and brick that had missed her by a few inches when it had fallen, a stretcher and med packs at their side.

“Good to see you’re responsive, Agent Prentiss,” One of the EMT’s commented, opening his case up to retrieve a neck brace and a splint for her arm before they could move her to the stretcher. Bugsy smiled up at them, though she knew it looked like a wince, taking one more look at her sister and then at Hotch, both of whom looked stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Go, I’m serious. Will needs you,” She said, feeling Emily squeeze her hand gently, pressing a kiss to her hairline, looking down at her in worry, “Go, Emily. Just bring me pudding when you get to the hospital- no Jello-”

She hissed when the paramedics slipped the brace over her shoulders, strapping her head into place to stop her doing any more damage to her spine.

Emily nodded, and her and Hotch took off round the corner to where Morgan was calling them, and Bugsy let the paramedics fuss over her some more, taking the pain killers without a second glance once she realised just how broken Emily had meant when she saw her arm.

It got hazy from there, until she felt the sun on her face and she felt a hand grab her good side. Her eyes were rolling with the fact she was fighting off sleep, or maybe she really had lost more blood than she thought. Either way she managed to flick her eyes open enough to meet hazel hues, distraught and worried, heard a familiar voice calling her name sadly, but she was too far gone by then. Her eyes shut despite her fighting them, and she was wheeled into the back of an ambulance by the friendly EMT’s, and the doors shut before her medicated brain could even recognise the voice as Spencer.

She was asleep before she could protest to it.

–

The air smelled like bleach- no, like floor cleaner had been drenched all around her, like she had been dropped into a janitor's closet and spilled every bottle over on her way in.

Her body felt stiff, and she frowned when she felt cramp in her fingertips, pain shooting up her wrist the second she tried to move them. Her eyes opened blearily, and she groaned in protest at the overhead white lights, burying her face into the scratchy sheet that covered her body. Only then did it click that she was in a hospital.

She moaned again when she tried moving her legs and her whole body protested, her bare legs rubbing against the paper like material in a way that made her cringe, and she felt only the hospital gown and underwear on her body.

“You’re awake,” The voice startled her, and she realised she hadn’t even heard the door open in her haze. Spencer stood in the doorway, three big bunches of flowers and two teddies in his arms, one of them holding a sign saying ‘You’re bear-y brave!’

What got her was the look of worry in his eyes when he took her in head to toe, his eyes lingering on the bright pink cast on her lower arm up past her elbow.

She grimaced, following his eyes to the horror, “Sexy,”

He rushed over to her bedside, all but throwing the flowers and cuddly toys on the space where her legs weren’t curled up under the sheets, pausing for a second to assess the situation.

“Spencer, you didn’t need to get me all of this,” Bugsy said, her cheeks warming when she saw her favourite flowers right at the end of the bed, blooming right in her direction, “Is everyone okay? Is Will okay?”

He nodded, but had yet to say anything, and he fiddled with his fingertips the way he did when he was struggling to get his point across properly. She reached out with her functioning hand to take them in hers, because she hated when he wouldn’t talk to her.

“Spencer, I’m fine, it’s just a broken arm, right?” The woman asked, trying to shuffle herself into a sitting position only to yelp when her side burst into pain. He rushed to put his arm behind her back, to get her to lay back down without putting too much pressure on her sternum, “What the fuck is that? I feel like I got hit by a baseball bat,”

“That’s what happens when you run blindly into a building without waiting for backup,” Spencer said, an undertone to his words she had never heard from him before, “Two cracked ribs; you’re lucky your lungs are still intact,”

Shit.

“Anything else?” She asked, a grim look on her face as his expression soured.

“Almost tore one of your eardrums, moderate concussion. They had to put pins in your arm to fix the fracture, it was transverse before you ask, lacerations to your legs from the glass, and some shrapnel they pulled out while you were in surgery.” Spencer listed, propping a pillow behind her head for her to rest against more comfortably though he still seemed annoyed, “No biggy,”

She paused for a second, watching him like a scolded child, her lips pulling down slightly, “Are you upset with me?”

He sighed, running a gentle hand over her leg that was covered by the thin sheet, and she felt the sting of cuts on her skin just like he’d said.

“I’m not annoyed, I could never be annoyed with you; you just-” He huffed, looking up at her sad eyes and feeling his resolve crumbling immediately, “You can’t just throw yourself in the way of danger, you have people who care about you, people who love you,”

She bristled for a second, looking into her lap and chewing the inside of her lip worriedly, “I just wanted to help Will, I just didn’t want JJ and Henry to lose him the way I thought I lost Emily,”

Spencer’s heart sank, and any telling off he was going to give her for worrying him left him in seconds, and he forgave her embarrassingly fast.

Taking her hand back in his gently and scooching a chair closer to the bed so he could sit with her, he looked up at her with the sweet, puppy eyes she had always loved on him.

“I know, I know you just wanted to help,” He hushed her, using his other hand to stroke her hair behind her ear, “Next time just… wait for your lucky charm, remember?”

She smiled brilliantly, and he almost could ignore the butterfly stitching on her forehead or the bright pink cast on her arm, or the fact her clothes had looked like a crime scene when they’d shoved them in a biohazard bag with how soaked in blood they were.

Her pretty tweed pants and white shirt she’d bought especially for his Dr Who convention to make him happy, wasted.

“Where’s all my clothes?” She asked, like she’d read his mind, but then again she had been known to do that.

He pouted, because he knew she’d hate the answer, “Emily said they had to cut it off to get you into the brace properly; they ran some scans first to make sure your spine was intact.”

“All of my clothes?” She baulked, and he knew she was upset before she could even say so he stroked his thumb over her hand for good measure, “But my lovely shirt- and the pants they were so cute, weren’t they?”

“They were so cute,” He agreed, even though he thought she looked good in everything.

“And- oh my god they got my bra too?” She asked, wide eyed and horrified like she hadn’t had a building dropped on her, like this was the worst part of her day. Spencer opened his mouth to say something, but he thought better than to tell her it wasn’t a big deal and he was sure Pen could take her shopping for new ones even if the thought of it made his cheeks flush red, “They got the best one, Spencer, that was my best one with the little bows and the lace at the back- fuck,”

She huffed, rubbing her temple in annoyance seemingly completely unaware of the situation she’d put him in, when JJ slowly entered the room, looking more tired and stressed than she had in months, but there was a little glow in her face that washed it all away.

“JJ, they cut off my favourite bra,” Bugsy huffed, holding an arm out for the woman who came to stand at the opposite side of the bed to Spencer, and JJ quickly leaned in to hug her close, Bugsy’s head pressing against her stomach, “It was the only one that fit perfectly, now look at me. Wasted.”

“I can get you another one on Monday after Will and I have stopped by the courthouse,” JJ said, her eyes alight with mischief like she had a secret, and Bugsy frowned, looking up at the woman.

“Why on Earth would Will be buying me- Wait,” The girl stopped, her breath catching in her throat as she took in JJ’s sheepish blush and girlish grin, “Courthouse? You’re getting married!”

JJ’s smile was beaming, and Bugsy yanked her with her one good arm into a side hug, just about as much as her ribcage would allow, and Spencer’s face lit up equally, though he was quick to usher Bugsy back into a resting position so as not to jostle her stitches.

Spencer drove her home that night after she got discharged, and he helped her get settled back into her own bed, her face still a little bitter at the fact her favourite underwear set was “totally mismatched now”; her words, not his. He put a documentary on for the two of them until it was time for some more of the painkillers the doctors had sent her packing with, and she fell asleep pretty quickly after that.

He watched her breaths rising and falling slowly, the sight of her on that stretcher being wheeled into the back of the ambulance flashing in his head like a horror motion picture. Her face had been soaked in blood, her neck in a brace that looked tight enough to crush her, her eyes were weary and dim from what he knew now was the sedative effects of the painkillers.

He’d almost brought up the fact he’d found a geneticist willing to take a look at his MRI scans to help his migraines; almost brought up that she had finally got back to him with results and a plan of vitamins and dietary changes he could make to help ease his flare ups.

Spencer almost mentioned it, but he fell asleep listening to Bugsy’s breaths, checking for irregularities, before he had the chance to.

–

Hot pink did not match ditsy blue whatsoever, she had quickly decided, but the bluebell, floral dress was the only thing she owned long enough to cover the scratches on her legs and arms, and hid the majority of the hideous cast that weighed down her arm.

Spencer had encouraged her not to come to JJ’s ‘engagement party’, had encouraged her to stay at home and sleep; promised her he would rustle up the best chicken soup she’d ever tasted if it meant she would stay on the couch and rest her marred body.

But then Rossi had said he just simply couldn’t let a nice occasion go to waste. A few phone calls later, a drop in the ocean of his wealth and within two days the yard to his stately manor had been turned into a ceremony, the whole arch, pews and altar style.

“You should worry so much, you look lovely,” Spencer softly chided her when he saw her yanking her sleeve further down her arm, trying to cover the hard shell that protected her radius while it healed. She did, despite the fact he had to help her do her eyeliner because she could only do it with her right hand, or that there was still a nasty cut on her forehead that was scabbing up.

She was still beautiful as ever to him. And it made Spencer’s chest sore.

It felt like something had cracked between them since that night she had been dropped to his, her pupils wide as dinner plates, her inhibitions lowered to zero, and had pecked his lips like it wouldn’t tear him up inside to have her so close to him knowing it was everything he had ever wanted.

He knew if she ever kissed him again he couldn’t keep it in anymore, couldn’t stay in this limbo they had found themselves in where all he could think about was how she smelled when she wore his clothes, a mix of his laundry and her skin together, something he’d found himself purely saturated in since she first lived with him after Emily’s funeral. He loved the way her eyes seemed soft and mellow when she looked at him, loved the way his stomach seemed warm and fuzzy when she held his hand, and he knew it wasn’t in the same way it normally was with other people, when he was worried about how many germs they were spreading to him or if they’d had all their shots or if he’d remembered to pack hand sanitizer. His stomach felt funny, and his skin felt sweaty, and his head got scrambled, and it was somehow good.

He would do anything for her, anything she ever wanted from him and it was hers.

He knew it way surpassed friendship. It felt like she was his girlfriend, which was absurd because he had never asked her to be. Or maybe it was just him trying to wish it into existence, because he knew he would never ask her. She was too good for him, too good for this world let alone a scrawny, know-it-all like him.

She simpered under his words, looking at him with tired eyes, though he could tell she still yearned to fluff up her hair or fix her dress because she felt like a polished turd right now.

“Thankyou,” She said quietly, immediately spotting a waiter carrying a tray of champagne passing by and reaching for a little flute, “Want one? Thank you,”

Spencer shook his head politely, quickly spotting Emily and Morgan moving into the garden with Hotch and Beth not far behind them.

“I’ll be right back, just wait here a second,” He said, gently stroking over her spine with his warm hands, before he darted towards the group. Jack took off running towards Bugsy the second he saw her, and Spencer heard the small ‘ooft’ leave the woman as he collided with her stomach and nearly winded her. He was getting bigger by the minute, Spencer swore.

“Don’t you look dashing, boy wonder,” Morgan teased, flicking his finger under the lapel of Spencer’s two piece suit that Bugsy had told him more than once fit him like a glove, “Someone to impress?”

Spencer blanched, his eyes shooting to Emily who seemed to hide a smile, because his feelings for her sister were about as plain to see as the moon that coated their evening in a blue glow. Hotch looked over the younger agent’s shoulder, to where his son was throwing cents into Rossi’s fountain with Bugsy and making wishes, his eyes quickly falling to the pink cast around her wrist, and his face hardened.

“How is she?” He asked, lips pursed.

They had seen her in turns at the hospital, but most of the time she had been extremely out of it, Hotch had managed to catch her right before they took her into surgery for her arm, and even then he’d been ushered right back out of the room because they were getting her prepped to be scrubbed down.

Spencer bit his lip for a second, glancing over his shoulder at Bugsy fishing through her purse with her one good hand for more nickels, before he looked back at them, “She doesn’t want anyone to make a big deal about it, and don’t bring up her arm or her forehead, she’s a little delicate-”

He was cut off by Penelope squealing behind them, and they turned in unison to see the blonde woman cupping Bugsy’s face, checking herself for more abrasions, stroking over the younger girl’s shoulders as she simply allowed herself to be ragged like a doll.

Because it was Penny. And Penny always meant well.

Spencer flustered worriedly, and Morgan chuckled behind him, wrapping an arm over the kid’s shoulder.

“Can’t protect her forever, lover boy,” Derek said, patting him before he let go, taking Emily’s elbow and walking over to where they were serving hors d'oeuvres.

Spencer knew that, knew she could handle herself just fine without him. That was what worried him the most.

–

JJ looked beautiful in her mother’s wedding dress. Bugsy welled up with happiness, true happiness when she saw her friend walking down the aisle with her son, a spitting image of her, in one hand, her father’s arm in the other.

Will looked besotted, but then again he always did when he looked at JJ.

Bugsy felt the love in the entire yard as they said their vows, kissing each other without restraint under the floral arch as Henry covered his eyes with a little giggle and an ‘eww!’ which made everyone chuckle.

The violinists began playing soft hymns as the couple had their first dance, and Henry migrated towards the woman with the pink hand and the sapphire dress.

“Buggy,” He tugged on the bottom of her skirts, huge, sky-blue eyes blinking up at her behind a mop of blonde furls. “Buggy, your hand!”

She knelt down to hear the three year old a little better, and immediately tiny fingers trailed over her wrist worriedly.

“Your hand, it’s hurt,” He said, and Spencer crouched to comfort the boy who he still remembered holding hours after he was born.

“I know, I hurt myself at work,” She said, letting him run his fingers over the pink shelling, his eyes wide and confused about the new material, “But Mommy saved me, and she saved your Daddy, and she saved you, didn’t she? Isn’t she so brave,”

Henry smiled, like all his thoughts of his mommy being Wonder Woman were true, and he nodded, stepped towards Bugsy while making grabby hands for her neck, “Up,”

Spencer was about to protest, because he didn’t want her to push herself, but he knew she could never say no to kids, especially ones as cute as the boys.

“Alright, big man, up we go,” She put her good arm under his bottom, Spencer holding under her shoulder to help her into a stand with a repressed grunt, “Jesus, what did you eat for breakfast today. You really are a big boy, Henry,”

She put him on her hip, shoving off the way it stung her superficial cuts because Henry seemed happy, grabbing a section of her hair in his tiny hands, and stroking her head gently in what Bugsy guessed was the way JJ stroked his when he was unwell.

“Mommy says you have to have a magic kiss when you get hurt,” Henry babbled, and she smiled, her cheeks hurting because the kid was just sweet enough to eat.

“Oh, yeah? Is mommy magic then?” She entertained, feeling Spencer still a ghost over her shoulder in case she started struggling to hold the pre-schooler. His godson laughed like she told a joke, shaking his golden locks as he answered.

“No, Buggy,” He giggled, patting her cheek as she scrunched eyes shut with a smile, “You get a magic kiss when you get fixed. Like this,” He leaned in, leaving a big wet smooch on her cheek that made her giggle, tightening her hold on him with a shiny jaw. Henry turned to where Spencer watched them with a dazzling smile, pointing up at him, little fingernails waving in his face, “Spencer’s turn,”

His godfather faltered, his cheeks turning red and Bugsy looked between the two of them, amused.

“I can’t, I’m afraid Henry. I’m not magic like you and mommy,” Spencer replied, trying to brush the boy off as kindly as possible. Henry’s face frowned, because he had watched Uncle Spencer pull a coin out of his ear not even half an hour ago and so that statement seemed ridiculous.

“You have to! You have to give her magic kisses or she won't get better!” Henry ordered, trying to grab Spencer’s bow tie with vigour, “You have to!”

“Alright, alright,” Spencer agreed, his hands shooting up in surrender, “I’ll give her magic kisses,”

Bugsy looked at him with a heart stopping smile. She looked soft like butter, syrupy and warm as pudding. The moonlight washed her pupils with something like a cartoonish twinkle, and he hoped his forest eyes didn’t turn to two love hearts the way he felt like it did.

He raised one of his hands to her cheek, the same one Henry just kissed, holding her still. She was cool in the night air, or maybe his hand was just too warm because he was so nervous. He hoped he wasn’t shaking, but her jaw fit into the palm of his hand like it was always meant to be there.

He dipped his head in to give her a long, delicate kiss to her cheek, running a thumb down the apple of her cheek.

He pulled away from her, and they exchanged a look, something in her eyes he had rarely seen before. Figuring it was discomfort, or maybe just the light playing tricks on him, he stepped away, and Henry was quickly distracted by a frog hopping through the mildewed grass, and he set Bugsy on the task to help him catch it.

Spencer busied himself talking to Will and Derek in the hopes his heart would calm down any minute soon, but he had quickly felt himself becoming somewhat addicted to the feel of her skin beneath his lips. He wondered lewdly if the rest of her would feel so soft as her cheek had, and immediately scolded himself for it.

The thought haunted him for the rest of the night.

Penny twirled her around by her good arm, and the two of them giggled like school girls under the fairy-light woven pergola, the string quartet finishing off the fast paced song they had switched up the mood with. The blonde was careful about not jostling the woman too much, she could already feel Spencer and Emily’s worried looks from where they sat together at a table, nursing their drinks mid chat.

But whether it was the fact she had been cooped up for days on bed rest orders (Spencer’s, not the Doctor’s, though he’d argued that was the same thing,) or that last morphine patch had really given her a kick up the behind, but she seemed to be hiding the pain well.

JJ would only have one wedding, she’d argued with Spencer, she could have a hundred days in bed, but there would only be one night like this one; when they were all together, safe and happy, when there was enough palpable love in the air that fell over everyone's shoulders like a warm hug. He’d grumbled that he was usually the optimistic one and zipped up her dress for her with shaky fingers anyway.

Before Penny could spin her round even one more time, a figure appeared two tower over the blonde, and a voice cut in between them politely.

“I don’t suppose you’d let me lead the next dance, I think Reid and Prentiss might just tackle you if you shake her up anymore,” Aaron’s voice was soft, inviting with the one and a half beers he’d had edging at his tone, almost teasing in a way so rare for a man so stern.

Penelope looked over Bugsy’s shoulder to indeed see the woman’s two guard dogs watching her like a hawk, Bug’s already opened purse on Spencer lap where her emergency painkillers were.

“Oh god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Spencer frown like that, it’s like watching a puppy resource guarding,” Penelope faltered, looking the woman head to toe as if she was being held against her will to dance by the blonde, “You’re not hurt or anything- you’d tell me if you were hurt, wouldn’t you?”

Bugsy chuckled, throwing her good arm over the woman’s shoulder, “Relax, they’re both worry warts. I’m having fun, Pen. I think Hotch just wanted a turn with the ugly barbie,”

Against Penelope’s better judgement, she gave the woman a kiss on the cheek with a sigh of defeat, though she had been so careful not to push her in fear of her cracking another rib, but she had loved seeing Bugsy smile like that again.

Derek was quick to swoop in to save her, swooping in to steal her for a dance as Aaron gently took Bugsy’s waist and good hand, entirely respectable and gentle in his touch.

“I’m glad you’re okay, your bell got a little rung in that bank,” Aaron murmured, trying not to fret over the gash on her forehead that had a few butterfly stitches pulling it together. He remembered how frail she’d felt in his arms the last time he’d properly seen her, like a baby bird with its wings snapped in his hands. He was worried he was going to be burying her too, just like he had Emily, just like he had Haley, except he knew for her there wasn’t a catch, an escape route to Paris. There wouldn’t have been a do over.

But she was okay. Broken bones and all.

She smiled at him, as if to remind him just how alive she was, and he saw how her eyes were bloodshot and tired, as if it was taking all of her energy to keep her head upright.

“If you knew how many morphine patches are on my butt right now, you’d freak,” She said, and he laughed, because she was always good at getting those from him. Bugsy relaxed in his arms, and he rocked her side to side sweetly, not quite dancing but moving passively to the soft melody the band was playing.

Maybe it was the fact he wasn’t in work mode, or maybe it was because the night air was cosy and light, or maybe she just weaselled out the guilt that had been stored in his chest for nearly a year, but he let himself look at her with a sad, sepia gaze, and it was like she knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“I’m-”

“Don’t apologise,” She cut in quickly, her own expression falling into something forlorn, “You have nothing to apologise for, Aaron,”

He took a deep breath through his nose, “I do. That wasn’t right how I treated you. You’re not spoiled.”

“I can be, sometimes,” She argued defeatedly, but he shook his head before she could add to it, “You were doing what was best to keep Emily safe, it was her I was more mad at than anything. She’s my sister, she should have trusted me, you and JJ didn’t owe me anything.”

“We owed you a better explanation than we gave,” He said, watching her sigh and rest her cheek on his shoulder. He cursed Spencer for allowing her to wear heels in her condition, though he didn’t doubt that the pretty boy had put up just as much fight as he would have seeing her grab the shoes on her way out, “I never meant to hurt you so much. And we do owe you better, we’re a family. Families fight, and they say mean things and they tell white lies sometimes but we love each other, and I only ever wanted to keep everyone safe. Okay?”

She nodded against his blazer material, dropping his hand in the interest of wrapping both her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug, ignoring the dulled ache of her ribcage.

“I love you too,” She murmured, and he gave her a feather-light squeeze back, all too aware of her bones creaking under her skin, “I’m sorry I hit you,”

She let go of him, and he held her hand, the tips of her fingers poking out from beneath her cast that already had Jack’s name scrawled over in black sharpie.

“I deserved it, I was being cruel,” He said honestly. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh, but the emptiness in her laugh, in the way she’d stormed out, had scared him. He thought even if she lashed out, if she screamed at him or cried that would be better than the silent treatment because at least then he would know where she stood with him. But instead he had driven the knife in deeper, and for that he couldn’t say he blamed her for it, “I’ve had worse, much worse. Maybe you’re not as tough as you think,”

She baulked, and realised he was teasing her, “Maybe we could go round two Monday morning, I bet it would hurt a lot having a hard plaster cast swung at your face,”

“For me or for you?” She smacked his arm with her good hand, and it made him chuckle again, and soon she was laughing too, resting her head back onto his shoulder comfortably, “I’m glad you’re okay, Bug,”

“Did you not hear where I put those morphine patches? I could paper mache with those bastards,”

And they danced between chuckles for another half an hour.

–

“Wait, wait, you’re going to compress her spine,” Derek stopped, Bugsy dipped at his waist where he was supporting her full weight because she’d complained she missed dancing with Penelope. She hated people walking on eggshells around her, and if anyone was going to have fun with her who could still make sure she was safe, it was Derek.

The woman grinned up at him, Derek’s hands safely around her waist and not pressing on her ribs whatsoever, though she had to admit she was ready for another dose of painkillers after a few hours of dancing between Hotch, then to JJ who had swiftly been taken over by Henry who wanted to be lifted high enough he could hold Bugsy’s hands like he had seen the others doing. David had even entertained her with a very slow three step waltz, until Derek had been her next target because he seemed to be having the most fun whirling Emily around the dance floor.

“Spencer!” She said and Morgan returned her to full height once he saw Reid’s fretful expression. She pouted, “Spencer, I was having fun,”

“You know what’s fun? Eating cake is fun, drinking water is fun, resting on the couch is fun,” He said, and Morgan was quick to hand the baby Prentiss over to Reid who rifled around his pocket to produce the tablet version of her buprenorphine, “You need more medicine or it’s going to hurt worse in the morning, remember? Getting ahead of the pain?”

She sighed, nodding, and before he could pop two out of the shiny, metal coated tray, she stopped him, “Wait, dance with me first,”

He looked at her incredulously, eyes softening when she stepped closer to him, her hand coming over the top of his to push the pain killers away, “It’s going to hurt more if you don’t get ahead of it now,”

“I know, I know,” She muttered, nodding docilely, “Look, I promise if you just dance with me a little now, I’ll have my meds and take it easy for the rest of the night, no questions asked,”

He looked unconvinced, because she was known to put up a fight when it came to doing something she didn’t want to.

She sighed, “If I sit down now, I know I won’t be getting back up again for the rest of the night, and I wanted to enjoy myself until I couldn’t anymore,”

Spencer looked at her pleading puppy dog eyes, and broke almost embarrassingly fast, letting her follow his hand into his pocket, putting the drugs away and letting her take his now free hand in his own.

“I’ll have it known I tried to stop this when this catches up to you and you have to go lay down on Rossi’s spare bed,” He argued back, but felt his stomach flip when she laced her fingers with his, pushing herself closer to him as a means of drawing him out of his grumpy mood.

“He has more than enough, just dance with me,” She brushed his attitude off, wrapping her plaster-cast over his shoulder.

He took her waist gently, feeling the plush, softness of her hips and wishing the heat away from his cheeks. She looked divine under the fairy lights, ready to be whisked away by sleep yes, but the sleepy blinks added to her charm, and she was soft and pliant under his touch like a tame cat ready to curl up on his chest.

“I had so much fun,” She said, meeting his adoring gaze, probably because he couldn’t drag his eyes away from her. He nodded, worrying then if his hair was sitting right or if hid bowtie needed straightening. She was a goddess in his arms, the colour of her dress matching her skin beautifully, a few wisps of hair falling over her eyes from where Penny had damn near done the quick step with her.

She looked like a dream.

“I never thanked you for everything you did for me when Emily was-” She gulped, her eyes suddenly down turned, like she couldn’t admit anything to the hazel of his eyes, not when they looked at her like that. “You were the only thing I had for a very long time, and I never really said how much it all meant to me,”

“You’re my best friend, I’m always going to be there for you,” He said, lovingly stroking a thumb over her skin, his voice tender as this touch, “That’s what friends are for,”

Even though he was sure he’d never felt this way about any of his friends before, even the tiny crush he’d had on JJ for all of two weeks when he’d first started at the BAU didn’t even make a mark on how she got his chest hammering like a jackrabbit.

Her face flickered with something he couldn’t read, and she nodded, “Right. Friends.” She swallowed heavily.

She slumped against him, like the wind had been taken out of her, her head on his shoulder, but it felt nothing like when she had danced with Hotch.

It felt like everything she’d ever wanted was right in her grasp, like the one person who made her feel whole again was pressed against her, stroking down her spine with an affection she could swear blind was nothing like she’d ever felt before. Like the only air she knew how to breathe was filling her lungs, every note of fresh linen, the hair gel he sometimes used to tame his curls, down to the faint smell of his apartment, so filled with books the smell of worn leather and thin paper seeped into his clothes.

She couldn’t remember who she was before she knew Spencer. She felt like she’d always known him.

He wasn’t just her friend, he was every bit of her that she wasn’t. Every ugly part of her that had always felt so alone, like loneliness was just ingrained into her since birth that seemed to jump up in a strange feeling of longing and home whenever he was near.

She let herself revel in his arms as long as she could, because she knew it was so illicit to be feeling so hungry for something she couldn’t have. She knew he was too good for her; she had never deserved any scrap of kindness he gave her. She could be mean, and rude, and loud, and ugly, and spiteful and he was everything she wasn’t. He was kind, and sweet, and gentle, and loving, and he didn’t deserve someone like her; he deserved so much better.

Bugsy let herself stay against his chest for a while longer, slowly swaying with him under the moonlight as JJ and Will took each other in their arms; a couple that fit together, Bugsy thought, two people who were so right for one another. Who deserved their happiness.

And so she selfishly let herself pretend she could have him as long as she could, silently dancing together under the pergola, until she agreed to go sit down because she would never admit that the ache in her side had started to seep back in, and he fussed over her some more and she told him he was being silly, but she preened under his affections anyway.

They’d reached a stalemate, Spencer would have probably called it.

Bugsy knew she shouldn’t want him, but she did. She shouldn’t want him because he was the pretty boy, the sweetheart that sat untainted by everything he’d seen and endured, the one who had jumped and cleared every hurdle life had thrown at him where she had fallen flat. He had gotten better on his own after Hankel; she had crashed and burned and taken nearly everyone with her. He was strong, and she was weak. She shouldn’t want him, it was selfish, but she did.

Spencer knew he couldn’t have her, because she was beyond anything he had ever dreamed of, beyond his best friend, beyond the girl who kissed him and didn’t ever want to talk about it again. He couldn’t have her because she was still healing, still wounded and vulnerable and rattled from barely recovering her relationship with her sister before she’d had a bank dropped on top of her. It would be wrong, it would be selfish, she would never want some scrawny kid from a shitty home where he was beaten up by girls even smaller than him and wedgied so hard he had to follow the librarian to class. He was a nobody. He couldn’t have her because she deserved so much better, but he wanted her.

They sat at a stalemate for a few weeks longer, until Emily got a job offer in London, and she asked Bugsy to take an internship at Interpol one of her old associates had sent to her. Twelve weeks learning how international databases worked, even some forensic work for Scotland Yard if she played her cards right.

And she took it; without much warning she took it, even if not to give herself some breathing space from how much her chest pined to be back in Spencer’s arms she had that night.

Bugsy headed to London, and didn’t look back.

2. The one with Maeve

Four Months. Bugsy had been in England for four months.

At first, they had called regularly, almost every other day, except the days she was just too tired to stay up until two am to call him when he got home. They had spent an hour on the phone at least; she had asked about the team, the cases, if he missed her yet which he always told her to knock it off because of course he missed her, and he had asked about London, and what England was like, and how Emily was doing.

Until around two months in when her schedule had changed to night shifts, and they could only ever communicate by texts, at which point he had been the one struggling to talk because he had no clue how to work his phone. She had called the odd time on her half an hour lunch break, but it was always rushed, never consistent, usually ending up with her excusing herself and hanging up on him fast because she was needed urgently somewhere else.

Cynically enough, the only time she could ever call was Sundays. Sundays when he was already busy, Sundays when he was admittedly on the phone, only he wasn’t talking to her.

He was talking to Maeve.

The geneticist he had been ready to tell her all about before JJ’s wedding, who had all but cleared up his migraines within a few sessions, who had asked him three days after Bugsy had flown out what had made his head flare up again and so he’d told her. Told her his best friend moved to another country temporarily, that he missed her and had been looking after her cats for her while she was gone because her new landlord wouldn’t let them have pets. And it had spiralled from there, she had asked more about the rest of his life, and he had asked about hers, and suddenly they weren’t just talking about his migraines anymore, they were flirting.

He hadn’t told Maeve that he was in love with said friend who had taken a great opportunity with both hands and fled the second she could. He couldn’t hold it against her, not when he was choosing his calls with Maeve over the only chance he had to speak to Bugsy, and four months really wasn’t that long in the scheme of things.

That was what he’d tried telling himself at least. He missed her more than anything, and the only thing that he’d found combatted the sting of her being gone was Maeve.

Maeve; who he had never seen, whose voice was sweet and alluring, who got his humour the way girls rarely ever did (besides Bug ofcourse). Who liked what he liked, and could talk his ear off about what she’d been reading, and about her day in the lab.

She was Bugsy in every other font, every other manner, and best of all she liked him. She told him weeks ago she liked him, that she wanted to date him, that he was her dream guy.

Call him a cynic for enjoying having a chance with someone, then that’s what he was.

Life since he had tried pushing away his unrequited feelings for one Prentiss girl had been going swimmingly. He liked their new team mate, Alex Blake, the brilliant linguist who warmed to him quite quickly; he had a girl at his heels who returned his feelings, who was everything he always said he looked for in a partner, even without having ever seen her face, and he was rather enjoying having Nico and Sergio around to keep him company.

But as it always did, the contented limbo he’d found himself in where he might actually be able to get a girlfriend came to a screeching halt on Sunday afternoon when he was stepping outside at three forty-five, readying himself for the ten minute walk to the nearest phone booth for their call at four pm on the dot. He had just about locked his front door, turning on his heel with his scarf draped over his shoulders when he had collided with someone’s chest.

“Oh I’m so- Bugsy?”

“Spencer!” She smiled at him wider than she ever had before, and she threw her arms over his shoulders because he had never protested to her affection before, “It’s so good to see you- I missed you so much, there’s so much I have to tell you-”

“What are you doing here?” It sounded like a confrontation, though he hadn’t meant it that way, just that he hadn’t been expecting her back for another two weeks at least and he certainly hadn’t expected to see her today, right before he was about to go call the girl he was sort of seeing, sort of not.

She bristled at his tone, because he didn’t sound nearly as happy to see her as she had expected. Pulling away, she realised he hadn’t even bothered to hug her back, and she tried to shove away the embarrassment that she’d never ever felt in front of him before.

“I- just- I wanted to surprise you. Interpol said I could finish early since I’d finished all my paperwork and could take the exams online in a few weeks,” She stammered, feeling uncharacteristically stuck for what to say. He flicked a look down to his wrist, his brows furrowed like she was taking up too much time, “Is something wrong, did I do something wrong?”

“No, you just-” He breathed heavily out of his nose, running a hand through his hair, “I’m late for something,”

“I’ll drive you!” She jumped at the chance, fishing for her keys in her pocket, “Car’s right out front, I sort of just threw it there because I wanted to see you,”

“I’m walking,” He said, in that frustrated tone again and she stopped looking at her jacket, her eyes snapping to his as he looked past her like she was in his way.

“O-okay, well then do you want company?” She said, her bag heavy with the souvenir she got him, though now it seemed to be weighing her down.

“It’s sort of personal,” He replied shortly, like she was a stranger selling him something on his doorstep, when really he was just cursing his luck that the girl he’d spent months trying to get over was here in front of him like someone was waving a bone in his face and he was a pup being told to sit. He was cursing the fact that he had spent hours and hours dreaming of the minute he’d see her again and she had showed up out of the blue after weeks of little to no communication like a damn hallucination of the senses.

She stopped then, her face contorting into a frown, “Is everything okay, are you sure I didn’t do anything-”

“You could have called, I’m kind of busy, Bugsy,” Spencer replied, even though he knew he was being unreasonable. It wasn’t her fault she was unravelling all of his progress just by being there. He thought he was finally getting over her, and with one whiff of her perfume, of her shampoo mixed with her natural scent, he was remembering just how in love with her he had been just a few months ago, like Pavlov’s fucking dog.

Her face fell then, into something kicked and hurt, “Sorry- my phone died on the plane, I didn’t even think, I just- I just wanted to see you,”

He faltered, the frustration leaking out of him, but before he could really say much else, she’d taken a step away, swung around to head for the stairs, “Sorry, I’ll call next time, sorry I got in your way, Spence,”

And she sounded genuine, not annoyed like he would expect for someone who’d been spoken to like trash. The guilt seeped in almost immediately, but then his mind ticked over the minutes he had left until Maeve would be expecting a call. Nine minutes now, he would need to speed walk.

He could make it up to Bugsy as soon as he was done with the girl who was almost her but not.

–

Spencer felt like an idiot. He hadn’t stopped thinking about the look on her face when she had left his apartment, nor had he not stopped chiding himself for not heading straight out after her.

His phone call with Maeve hadn’t gone how he’d expected, which would have been the only thing soothing the burn of his scathing tone, except she had hung up rather abruptly after he had suggested they meet up, something that had played on his mind for weeks now.

“Are you being safe?” He asked, the payphone hard and cold in his hand as he pressed it to his ear.

She chuckled softly down the phone, a sound that would have made his heart flutter if he hadn’t been feeling so wound up about seeing Bugsy, “Yes, I’m being safe,”

“Do you think he knows about us?” Spencer dared to ask after a moment of silence, because he could tell it was worrying her too. He wondered if the two of them would be dating by now if it wasn’t for the fact she had a stalker who may or may not turn his attention to Spencer if he realised they were seeing one another.

“No, as far as I can tell he doesn’t,” She said, her voice slightly more rigid than what he was used to. Her voice was always honey smooth when they spoke, and Spencer had more than enough time to wonder if it ever matched what she looked like. “And we need to keep it that way,”

The line went dead, and with it the only thing that he’d been telling himself was worth hurting his best friend even the tiniest bit went with it.

Spencer felt like an asshole. He’d tried calling Bugsy’s phone, then when she hadn’t answered he’d tried asking Penelope, who said she’d gone to visit JJ, Will and Henry since he was too busy.

At least that would have lightened her mood, he hoped, as he walked into the office Monday morning, and saw her at her desk, already chatting to Penelope with Derek’s arm around her shoulder.

She was all smiles today, pretty much how she had looked yesterday before he had all but kicked her out, and the sinking feeling in his chest tripled when she looked past Penelope’s shoulder and saw him. Her eyes wavered for a second, head turning downwards as if she hadn’t properly spotted him,

“Pretty boy! Look who it is,” Derek called him over, even though he was already speed walking and he stopped in front of her, looking her head to toe for the first time fully.

He realised then her hair was slightly different, that she’d had it cut shorter since the last time he’d seen her, that she’d gotten a new ear piercing. It made her look older, more mature than when he’d last seen her, or maybe he had just not seen her in so long. Maybe he just hadn’t bothered, he thought painfully.

“I saw him yesterday,” Bugsy said, and he felt caught immediately, Penelope’s head whipping to him, “He was kinda busy though, weren’t you, Spence? More of a passing visit.”

She sounded indifferent to yesterday’s rudeness, like it hadn’t really phased her despite the fact he’d seen for his own eyes the way her expression dropped.

“I was- I had an appointment,” He said, because he felt the need to explain himself even if he couldn’t.

She smiled at him, something dampened and fake, “I leave for a few months and suddenly boy wonder is too busy to talk to me, what is the world coming to,” She joked, and Spencer felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment, though Penny and Derek laughed.

“No, really, I had an appointment-” He tried to reason, but Penelope stopped him before he could fret too much, his hands wringing and he tried to lie on the spot without getting caught.

“She’s just kidding, Spence, don’t worry,” Pen shook him off warmly, quickly grabbing Bugsy’s arm tightly, the faint scar where she’d had her surgery trailing up her skin, “Now, to my bat cave, where we can talk all about just how good British guys are in bed without the boy germs getting all over our gossip,”

Bugsy laughed, allowing herself to be pulled along, right past Spencer without a second glance, despite the fact he looked like he was about to throw up.

Why hadn’t he thought about that? Why hadn’t he considered for a second that she would meet anyone, if not seriously, then for a one night stand? What if all those nights she was too busy to talk she had been with someone, someone much cooler and hotter and overall more experienced than he was. He was thirty years old and he had only ever slept with two women, one being Austin the bartender she’d told him to go after despite him lingering around her the whole night, the other being a girl he’d met in O’Keeffes after a hard case when he had been a few months sober, wanting anything, anyone, to take his mind away from going back to the little vial of trouble.

How could he be so stupid? Of course she’d be hooking up with other people. She was young and gorgeous and smart as a whip and single. She’d be any guy's dream.

He knew he was being so, so disgustingly hypocritical. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Maeve for months, and yet here he was seething with jealousy at the very thought of Bugsy being with someone who could love her without feeling guilty for loving her.

Spencer swallowed his pride and set his stuff down on his desk, watching Penelope grab Alex and drag her to her bat cave on her way, the older woman lighting up at the fact she was meeting the Bugsy Prentiss.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, and felt a migraine start to ache behind his eyes.

–

“Alex- Blake, where are you going?” Spencer called, shoving his cell in his back pocket as he jogged toward the woman about to climb into the SUV.

Sure enough, Bugsy had been back in the office for one hour before they were getting pulled into another case, and she was more than happy to jump in to help with her new found skills in Interpol.

It was a gruesome case, which was saying something for all the shit they’d seen. The UnSub was amputating legs off one victim to then put onto his next one. There had been one guy waking up in his hotel room with both legs missing below the knee, then another gentleman had walked into an ER room with legs that weren’t his own attached to his sockets.

It made Bugsy’s skin crawl, but that was simply a day's work for them. They were at the most recent victim’s body; a woman who seemed to have been too weak to survive the surgery had been dumped on the street with her limbs switched to someone else’s. They had at least one other victim they hadn’t found yet, the girl thought darkly.

“Hotch called, he wants us back at the station ASAP,” The woman replied, Bugsy at her side.

“Can you give me a ride to 5th and Main, it’s on the way?” Spencer asked, trying his hardest to ignore the frown the youngest Prentiss gave him, confusion written across her face.

“Uh, yeah sure. What’s at 5th and Main?” Alex asked, also confused as to what was so pressing he needed to side track their case.

“I need to talk to somebody,” He replied shortly, the same cut off tone he’d used with Bugsy just the day before, and Alex faltered.

“Yeah, uh, okay. Sure.” She agreed, not wanting to rock the boat considering she was still so new to the BAU. She looked over at Bugsy, who seemed disgruntled as she headed for the passenger side, Spencer climbing into the back of the SUV with a troubled look on his face when their eyes met in the rear-view mirror.

“You’re coming with us?” He asked, looking on edge when he saw she’d gotten into their car and not into JJ’s like she had on their way over there.

“Yeah, is that a problem?” Bugsy asked, and he shrugged, playing with his fingertips in his lap.

“No, that’s fine, I just didn’t know you were coming with us,” He replied shortly, his face starting to warm when he realised how rude he’d sounded. He heard her sigh, and look out the window with no more protest in her.

Alex didn’t ask questions as she put the handbrake down, perhaps sensing the tension in the car between the two agents, and she didn’t need to be a profiler to tell there was either a lot unsaid between them or maybe even words that no one could take back.

Either way she did as he’d asked, because Bugsy hadn’t actually protested, just bit at her fingernails that said she was thinking too hard, and stepped on the gas.

–

The car pulled around to where a dimly lit payphone sat, empty and looking like it hadn’t been used in years. Which it probably hadn’t, besides as a dog urinal.

Alex stopped the car, and Spencer was already opening the door before she could even put it into neutral, “Do you want us to wait?”

“Uh, you know what, it might take a while, so I’ll just get a cab back,” He said, his tone clipped and leaving little room for questions. He felt Bugsy staring at him in confusion from the front seat, and he avoided her gaze like the plague, even if there was something sad in them that he was being so distant. “Thanks anyway,” He hopped out the car slamming the door shut, and digging through his pocket for change as he headed for the payphone.

Alex drove off, and he felt his chest get lighter for it, because he didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the act.

He hated lying, especially to her. Every morsel of his being writhed in discontent whenever he would lie, like the truth was just begging to slip out one way or another, and he knew he would only feel all the more guilty for it as soon as the case was over and he couldn’t avoid her eyes that haunted him like a wraith or her touch that seemed to have been kept to herself since he had snubbed her hug at his doorway.

He knew he was pulling away, knew she was doing the same thing, and he hated it.

Bugsy sat in the car, her face moody as anything as she glared out the window and Alex took the corner around the block.

“So is it usually like this between you two?” Alex dared to ask, her food steady on the pedal, “The lingering looks, the awkward silences? From what Penelope told me, the two of you are as close as can be,”

“Yeah, usually we are,” Bugsy replied coldly, and within a second she was unplugging her seatbelt, “In fact, pull back around the block. I’m done with him being an asshole without an explanation.”

Alex felt like she had just pulled a pin from her grenade with her delicate question, though she had meant entirely well, and did as the girl told her to, worried just what might blow up in her face if she didn’t.

Spencer had already dialled the number he knew off by heart, with or without his eidetic memory, by the time they pulled around.

His face dropped, knowing the returning call would be coming any minute now and he just hoped Maeve wasn’t too worried about him. But he had no time to think about her, because the second he saw Bugsy getting out of the car he could tell she was pissed.

Pissed in a way she had never been with him, but then he supposed, he had never treated her like that either.

“I’m going to give you one chance to tell me the truth, Spencer, because I’m tired of the clipped responses and the pushing me away,” She said, walking over to him like he owed her money. Which he didn’t. But he did owe her a good explanation as to what the hell was going on with them, “Did I do something? You can tell me if I’m an asshole, I know I can be an asshole, but you have to tell me so I can fix it-”

“You haven’t done anything, Bug, just please get back in the car,” Spencer cut her off, which was clearly the wrong move as he saw her brow raise at him.

“Something’s not right, Spencer,” Alex agreed, though she held back because hurricane Bugsy seemed to be more than enough intimidation for the guy, “What’s the deal?”

“What do you mean? Why did you guys come back?” He rushed, because he could feel his face warming, and he played with his fingertips like he did when he was struggling.

“Don’t answer a question with a question,” Bugsy chided, and he rubbed his palm with his thumb self-soothingly, and that was what tripped him up. Her eyes zeroed on his hands, looking back up at him and he almost went white at the predicament he’d found himself in, “You’re lying about something,”

“No, I’m not, I would never lie to you-” She pulled his hands apart, looking at him with hurt written across her soft features.

“Bullshit, I know when you’re lying, Spencer, or did you just forget that we’re best friends. That seems to mean nothing to you nowadays,” She snapped, and he could only look back at the phone booth, knowing that she would be calling any second now, “Are you even listening to me?”

Her tone was hurt, wounded, because he had to admit he was being inconsiderate.

“A while back, I found a geneticist that helped clear up my migraines, and we stayed in touch while you were in London,” He said, because that was all true, and she couldn’t call him a liar again if he was telling the truth.

“So? What does that have to do with the case,” Alex prompted, her own face scrunched in ire as he hopped around the subject.

“I think maybe my friend may be able to see something we’ve missed.” Spencer rushed out, his eyes puppy like as he willed Bugsy to stop looking so damn betrayed.

“You have four of the best minds I know back at the station, you have a woman with a biochemistry master's standing in front of you who dabbled in medicine for fun, but you need your friend for help?” Alex responded, because there was no way he was getting out of the hole he’d dug himself if she had anything to say about it. She too, as new to the team as she was, had no time for secrets on a job where trust meant everything.

“I know, but sometimes a different perspective helps me think better, okay?” He replied, his hand itching to take his palm back because he knew it still wasn’t the full truth.

Bugsy scoffed, crossing her arms over one another, and shifting her weight to one foot.

“You’re being ambiguous, you always do that when you’re lying,” She muttered, loud enough for him to hear and he gulped, turning his head to the ground.

“All of this begs a bigger question, why did you ask me to bring you?” Alex asked, because she was thinking the same thing.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Spencer said, but his spine straightened impossibly when the payphone began ringing, and he seemed skittish like a naughty school child.

“You could have asked JJ or Morgan to drive you, but you asked me. You had a problem with Bugsy coming, because you didn’t think she’d be with us, so what’s the deal? Why me?” Alex pushed, and Spencer flustered, his head whipping around to where the high pitched chime continued, and he knew she didn’t have much time before the line went dead.

“Alex, please,” Spencer begged, feeling Bugsy’s eyes boring into the side of his head as he avoided her gaze like the plague.

“Just answer the question,” Bugsy bit out, because she was sick of being ignored all day, of being treated like she was contaminated or like he had never known her a day in his life. Not when she had flown on the first plane back to see him because she missed him more than she could ever tell him.

Not when she had been racing up the stairs to his apartment, her souvenir in her bag, the words on the foreword written in her own hand ready to tell him how she felt.

Because she knew it, after weeks of not seeing him, hours of just missing him and the few texts back and forth, she knew it. She knew she had to tell him, even if they had to brush it under the rug to be friends again, even if it was a shot in the dark she had to tell him.

She couldn’t choke it down anymore.

Only when she’d gotten there, thrown her arms around him, he almost felt like a stranger beneath her hand, almost felt like he never even knew her.

Spencer sighed heavily, looking at Alex because he thought he might just crack if he looked at Bugsy when he said it.

“Because I didn’t want them to know about her, alright?”

And she knew it then, knew it by the way he’d softened entirely when he said her, the way he seemed to melt just by thinking of her, the way he cowered into taking a step back towards the phone booth. It wasn’t just his geneticist, it was someone else entirely. Someone so much more to him.

Bugsy felt a lump in her throat, and she forced with all her might to not let her eyes well with tears. Because friends didn’t feel like they’d been sucker punched in the gut at hearing they were seeing someone else. Friends didn’t feel an all consuming jealousy writhe under their skin at the idea of them being with someone who wasn’t them, feeling something for someone who wasn’t them.

That wasn’t what just friends did.

And Bugsy thought with horror, as he picked up the phone and spoke in hushed, gentle tones that he once did with her, that they might never be friends again.

3. The one with their first date

Things were weird. Really weird. And painful. Really, really fucking painful.

Bugsy and Spencer had never been like this, never been so cold besides the first time they’d ever met, and even then she had warmed him from the inside out. She was sharing her sharlotka within hours of even knowing him, never even knowing he was knee deep in an addiction he was struggling to face alone, and that she had made him feel better than he had in weeks with her smile and her kindness and her quick witted brain.

Things were strange between them, and it was becoming noticeable too.

She boarded the jet behind Alex, the woman taking a seat next to Hotch at the table, the only other seat left being next to Reid, who stopped midway through what he was saying.

“It’s difficult to lure most people from the security of their own homes, eighty four percent of stalking victims have some sort of original connection with their stalkers, meaning-” He paused, and so did she for a fraction of a second, debating whether to sit beside him. She straightened quickly, dipping her head down and looking to the floor, and bristling past the empty seat to sit herself next to JJ on the couch.

He cleared his throat, trying to look like his face hadn’t dropped in hurt, and continued.

Hotch and JJ exchanged a look, the same silent message reading clear in their eyes.

The blonde looked up from her file as the others chatted, Penelope piping up from their computer, and glanced at the younger woman who was unpacking her things on her lap, despite there being a perfectly good table next to them.

“You alright, Bug?” JJ asked, trying not to seem too worried, yet she knew she was coming off troubled by the tense behaviour from the pair of them.

It had been three weeks of this, the silences, the uncomfortable pauses, the avoiding each other at all costs. The only time they ever really spoke was on a case, when they were closing in on an UnSub and their feelings had to be put to one side for the moment. Well, her feelings. Because all of his feelings were occupied as of the moment. With Maeve.

She couldn’t stomach talking about the woman anymore, couldn’t stand Derek’s teasing remarks about how lover boy was getting lucky, or Penelope’s thousands and one questions about the geneticist that she knew had come from a place of care, or Alex’s motherly guidance on his love life. The entire thing made her feel queasy, and she stayed quiet most days in the way he’d always hated, the way he’d always tried to pry her out of.

But nowadays he didn’t bother. Didn’t bother much with her at all, really.

“Yep,” Bugsy said, her lips tight, “Peachy,”

JJ knew not to ask any more than that.

–

Human marionettes were a first for her, she had to admit. They had already found two victims stuffed into boxes with craft paper surrounding them, their limbs almost entirely broken out of their sockets ante-mortem. It was a time sensitive case, with two deaths in three days and no sign of slowing down, and so that meant that of course the two brains of the team were assigned together, even if Hotch saw the way her face dropped when he’d said it.

She was drawing the geographical profile on the board, the squeaking of the marker against the screen the only sound in the room aside from Spencer’s flicking of pages.

“Did you get the first dump site?” He asked, even though he knew she more than likely would have done.

“Mhm,” She said, not bothering to actually say anything, because it was a stupid question she knew he was only asking to fill the awkward silence between them.

“What about the store that sold the outfits, did you get-” He started, only for her to cut him off with a clipped tone.

“Got it, and I got the radius around the store, and I got the second dumpsite.” Bugsy replied, capping the lid to the marker pen and setting it down on the desk beside him, “I’m going to get coffee. Want one?”

Though she didn’t stick around long enough to really hear his response. She simply waltzed out of the room to the tiny kitchenette the police station had to offer, in search of anything that would keep her occupied and away from snapping at him.

What had she really got to be mad at him for? For getting a girlfriend? For rubbing it in everyone's face how happy she made him, how perfectly suited she was for him? Except she didn’t think that last one was necessarily true, it just felt that way because it cut her so deep to hear about the girl who was everything she wanted to be. She had no right to be mad at him for anything except being distant with her since she got back from London.

She still made him a coffee half heartedly, swirling in a tonne of sugar the way she knew he would like, because he never changed being so perfectly him in the time she was away.

She used to tell him he didn’t need all that sugar because he was sweet enough as he was, because it was true. He used to be entirely honeyed and saccharine when he spoke to her, now she was lucky if she got a full good morning.

Bugsy bit her lip to stop it from quivering, and took the mugs back to the tiny office they were stationed in, seeing Alex at the door and hearing half their conversation.

“Is this about, uh, phone booth girl?” Blake asked, and Bugsy wanted to snap because what else would they be talking about. Her name was Maeve, she wanted to snarl, Maeve, Maeve, Maeve, Queen of the Fairies and of Spencer’s heart, Maeve, Maeve, Maeve.

She never hated a name so viscerally, though she knew in deep down it wasn’t her fault. Maeve didn’t do anything wrong, she just fell in love with Dr Spencer Reid and his charms. She couldn’t blame her, really. It wasn’t difficult to do so.

“She wants to meet,” Spencer’s voice was soft and nervous, and it was the most she’d heard him talk all day.

Bugsy froze, and Alex’s jaw dropped, “Wait, you guys have never met?” She saw Spencer shake his head just before she rounded the corner back into the office, feeling like she was intruding immediately, “Aren’t you curious what she looks like?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter what she looks like, she’s already the most beautiful girl in the world to me,” She stopped at the doorway, feeling like she’d had the entire cup of hot coffee dumped over her chest in a scalding pain the minute she’d heard it.

Spencer called her beautiful many, many times before, both when she’d been done up to the nines and even when she was running away from a damn wedding in the middle of a storm and she looked like a sewer rat.

But that didn’t matter, because everything about Maeve was beautiful to him, and that was where she seemed to draw the short straw. Because who would find her selfishness beautiful? Or her spoiled nature, or how she could be so crass and rude she had been in more fights before she started the BAU than she’d care to admit. But Maeve was nothing like that. She was sweet and gentle and beautiful on the inside.

Bugsy plonked his coffee down harder than she’d wanted to, and he thanked her, pausing for a second as he looked between Alex and Bugsy, the second woman now sipping her steaming coffee freely and pinning maps to an adjacent board as if she couldn’t hear a word they were saying.

“What if she doesn’t like me?” He said, fiddling with his sleeves, “I mean; I slouch, my hair’s too long, my tie is perpetually crooked,”

“Your hair’s fine,” Alex combats back, watching the girl down her drink in a few sips, “Jesus, do you have asbestos in your throat?”

Bugsy turned to her and shrugged silently, “I’m tired, I needed the caffeine,”

Alex watched her with a hesitant eye, as if she was keeping just as close an eye on her as Jennifer but didn’t want to say, before she stepped away from the doorway, “Alright, I gotta run. You kids update us if you find something out.”

And with that Blake took her leave, leaving the room in silence for a moment, and Bugsy heard Spencer thinking too loud with that big brain of his.

She sighed, tacking a map of the city up next to the other one with points of interest noted on, “You’ll be fine,” She said after a minute, and he froze.

“I’m sorry?” He asked, formally like she asked to sit next to him on the bus or to squeeze past him in a store.

“I said you’ll be just fine on your date with Maeve,” She reiterated, using a purple sharpie to start drawing the routes the victims took to work.

Spencer sighed, shuffling papers around his desk, “How can you be so sure?”

She looked at him then, properly looked at him and he felt his breath almost catch. He’d been telling another one of his half truth’s earlier, because he couldn’t very well say just how many night’s he’d thought about Bugsy being all over him, about kissing her and sweeping her off her feet, about squeezing her close to him in a passionate embrace and never letting her slip away again. He thought about all the times she professed how much she loved him and how good a friend he was to her, and how happy she made him, and how he had spent the first year of knowing her getting to know her for that big brain of hers that rivalled his own.

He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything, but he couldn’t have her. He could have Maeve though. He could meet her and fall in love with her and marry her. He could do it. But she still wouldn’t be her.

She smiled at him like she had a secret, one she was willing to share with him, one that came at a cost but she would give it to him anyway because it was him and she was so good to him and deserved so much better.

“What’s not to like about you, Spencer?” She said softly, her expression that of a street dog looking for scraps.

He swore he shuddered when she said his name like that, but he tried a smile back at her anyway. But it was too late, she’d already turned away to continue plotting the points on the map.

Spencer felt his chest swell in a way Maeve had never gotten it to do.

–

He felt stupid. Half an hour of primping himself in the BAU bathroom, worrying and fussing over what he was wearing and if his hair sat right and if his face looked too skinny, he had made it to the restaurant only to baulk at the last minute when he’d seen a guy in a booth flicking his head to look back at where he was sat in a window seat, a red rose potted in the middle of the table and an empty chair across from him.

He had panicked and called Maeve, told her to go home because her stalker was there at the restaurant, and she had done just that with little to no question. Only for him to see, minutes later, the guy he thought was her stalker being approached by another guy and he realised he had likely been looking out the window to check for taxi’s parking outside the restaurant.

Spencer had blown it, the one chance he had at meeting her in person, and he felt more like an idiot than ever.

He didn’t care about the weird rift between them at that moment, he just wanted to see Bugsy, because she always seemed to know what to say to make him feel better. Like she had a talent for it, even when he had not been the best friend himself.

He knew he had to fix it, knew it didn’t matter if it was a little unethical to be on the cusp of having a girlfriend whilst also pining after his best friend, he didn’t care. He wanted to set things right with her just to have his best friend back.

He walked up to her apartment complex, the excuse already brewing in his head that he missed Nico and Sergio, that he maybe missed her a whole lot too but he knew the cats were a sweetened deal way of getting him through the door. Because she would never say no to him seeing the boys.

And then he would tell her, that he’d been an asshole the past few weeks, that he’d been struggling to understand how to balance time between her and his almost girlfriend, because that was a much better half truth than the fact he was trying to bury his feelings for her so deep they couldn’t see the light of day or else his life would be entirely ruined.

That’s exactly what he would say.

Spencer felt a little better than he had leaving the restaurant knowing he’d messed up his chance. In all honesty, he was excited to have Bugsy back, even if his night wasn’t exactly going to plan.

He waltzed up the stairs he’d been on a million times. She loved his apartment, she always said so, but he insisted her TV was bigger and so they usually stayed at hers to watch Dr Who when the newest episodes came out.

Spencer hesitated for a second, hoping his plan worked before he rapped on the door with boney knuckles, his hand fingering the strap of his bag nervously as he heard her moving behind the door.

“One second!” She called, and he chuckled, she had probably fallen asleep on the sofa without pants on, or maybe even just gotten out the shower, either way he heard her scrambling to get clothes on and then-

She swung the door open, and his eyes quickly dropped to her neck that had a long row of hickeys trailing down to her collar bone. His small smile at seeing her vanished like one of those magic tricks he liked to do, and he realised her lip gloss was smudged over her chin, her shirt definitely wasn’t her own and he didn’t actually think she had even bothered to put on underwear beneath the large band tee she’d clearly thrown on in the middle of passion.

Bugsy looked like she’d seen a ghost.

“Spencer!” She said, her voice choked up like she was exhausted, and he felt his stomach turn. He looked away from her, like he couldn’t stand to even look at her, “I thought you were with Maeve- yo-your date,”

“I had to cancel, it wasn’t safe,” He murmured, tugging the strap of the bag tighter around his shoulder.

He felt like a complete loser. More than he ever had being shoved into lockers, being dipped into toilet water, being led around by the librarian and her damn butterscotch.

Spencer felt like his chest was caving in, which he knew was fair on no one to admit, but it was true.

“Are you okay?” She asked immediately, scanning him over for wounds, “Are you hurt- Is Maeve okay?”

He opened his mouth to reply when he heard foot steps and a hand appeared around her waist, tugging her into a muscled body as the door opened wider.

“Who is it, babe?” A deep voice spoke, and Spencer felt his face go green when he saw the adonis of a man who stood behind her, his chest littered with smudged lip gloss and bruises resembling her own neck trailing down to his crotch.

Her face was on fire when Spencer looked back at her, something betrayed in the hazel of his eyes which he knew was entirely illicit to feel in the circumstances, but it was true.

“Fuck off, Renly,” She shoved him back behind the door, looking at Spencer like the friendship between them they were scrambling to salvage hung in the balance with whatever she said next. “You remember Renly, my lab partner at Johns,”

Spencer nodded, the image of her lips on his pubic bone wouldn’t leave his mind, and he wondered what came after that, “I remember him,”

She nodded back, and they went silent.

They’d found themselves back at that stalemate.

TAGLIST:

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#spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #matthew grey gubler x reader

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bachissidehoe · 3 months

Text

too far gone - nagi s. & mikage r.

chapter 7 of 7 in the blue lock band series. chapter 1. chapter 2. chapter 3. chapter 4. chapter 5. chapter 6.

synopsis: nagi is so selfish after finally getting to y/n, but he can't help but dream of his manager being involved with both of them too. and lucky for nagi, reo is always eager to please, letting nagi call on him for whatever he wants all hours of the night.

warnings: smut; penetration (male & female); multiple orgasms; semi-coercion; oral (receiving); mmf threesome; fem!reader; submissive!reader; minors DNI

disclaimer: all songs referenced are credited to THE DEEP END

w.c. 2.9k

“Fuck~” Y/n moans out, her fingernails digging into the sheets as Nagi thrusts into her from behind. He fucks his cum back into her, somehow popping right back up after filling her over and over again.

His hands hold her hips in place, forcing her back to arch as she whines and mewls. It’s impossible for her to catch her breath, each thrust forcing little squeaks from her parted, drooling lips.

“Little more~” He sighs, making it seem like nothing to fuck into her like this. Y/n can’t even fathom what he’d do to her if he were willing to put in any amount of effort, especially since right now he’s practically turning her insides out.

Knock knock.

Y/n silences her whines, her heart skipping a beat as she turns her attention to the door. Someone’s looking for Nagi? At this hour?

“Sei-” She whispers, but he doesn’t slow down, his cock still buried inside her, pounding her g-spot with every thrust, her walls still milking him dry.

“Come in!” Nagi calls toward the door, his voice clearly shrouded in a horny rasp.

“Sei! What?” Y/n panics as the door opens, Nagi holding her hips against the base of his cock with such strength that she can’t escape him. He’s inviting someone into the room to see her like this, to see her so vulnerable with her ass pressed against him, his cock burying itself between her soaked walls and forcing gasps from her lips.

Nagi doesn’t slow down, clearly enamored with the idea of someone watching them like this, with the sweat forcing his white locks against his forehead, unable to catch his breath as he feverishly rearranges her insides.

As y/n looks over, she sees perhaps the last person she’d hope to see there, still wearing his suit from earlier with his purple hair professionally pushed back, his skin perfect and his posture even moreso.

“Reo!” Y/n calls, shocked, trying to process the fact that her manager is watching her get fucked as he stands still inside the hotel room, with one hand on his hip. “Seishiro!” She gasps, louder and more serious this time.

“Hm? I’m close, hang in there.” He replies, paying no mind to Reo standing there, his expression becoming more annoyed by the second. But still, he can’t look away.

She snaps her eyes shut, trying to suppress her gasps and moans as Nagi finishes once again, his cock forcing out what little cum is possible after shooting so many loads inside her tight little cunt.

Nagi breathes, finally pulling out, a load of thick cum flowing out along with him.

“Hey Reo.” Nagi breathes, falling backward on the bed. He wipes his sweaty hair out of his eyes, his toned chest rising and falling as he finally tries to catch his breath.

“Hey.” Reo replies, the disappointment prominent in his tone.

“I’m so sorry Reo, I didn’t want him to let you in- not that I didn’t want you in- I just- I would have told him to stop-” Y/n rushes to defend herself, grabbing the sheets to cover her completely exposed, cum-soaked body.

Reo only sighs, finally taking a seat on the empty couch. “This wouldn’t be the first time, y/n.” He chuckles. “He loves making me jealous, unfortunately.”

“J-jealous?”

“Give me like a 5 minute breather then you’re in Reo.” Nagi says it like it’s nothing, like y/n should understand and be okay with whatever it is he’s proposing.

“You always do this, fucking some girl when you invite me over and I fall for it every time.” Reo sighs again, leaning his head on his hand.

“And you let me fuck you anyway, every time.” Nagi smirks, staring at the ceiling.

“Wh- can someone tell me what’s going on?” Y/n chimes in, the covers still pulled over her bare chest.

“I’m sorry y/n, never wanted to involve you in it but Nagi can’t keep it in his pants.” Reo starts, followed by a brief pause. “We’ve been somewhat of a thing for a while now, me and him. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell the rest of the band.” He explains casually.

“Ah, I see.” She nods, turning ti Nagi. “Is that what you meant this morning? When you thought I was Reo?”

“Mhm. Thought you knew.” Nagi replies.

“Last night he invited me to his room and I didn’t go because I was pissed he didn’t come to the after party.” Reo says.

“Are you- is this just normal- like you don’t care that I’m-” Y/n stutters.

“Was hoping you’d want Reo too.” Nagi reveals his plan.

“I expected that much.” Reo sighs, a light smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

Y/n feels her face reddening once again, her ears flushed and burning as her eyes dart between Nagi and Reo. “Huh?”

“I want Reo to fuck you while I fuck him.”

“Are you serious?” Y/n nearly chokes.

Reo doesn’t say much, just side-eyes y/n trying to read whether she’s into it or not. Reo’s done things like this before with Nagi- even though Reo calls the shots in the band, Nagi calls the shots in the bed. And Reo’s fine giving up that control for someone as gorgeous as Nagi Seishiro. Not only is Nagi the fan favorite, he’s the manager’s favorite too.

“Yeah, of course I’m serious.” Nagi chuckles. He reaches over, his long arms finding y/n’s covered body and swiftly pulling her on top of him, the covers sliding off in the process.

“Nagi-” She argues, but is quickly silenced as her bare tits rest on his perfect chest, her eyes locked on his half-lidded golden-brown ones, overwhelmed by his slight smile. Despite his exhaustion from non-stop fucking her, he’s still got this sassiness to him that only comes out once in a while. He knows he’s teasing her, and he doesn’t seem to care.

“Come on now, you can take it can’t you?” He coaxes her, lacing his fingers through her hair and pulling her head down. Her lips move on their own, leaning down to meet his. Being around Nagi Seishiro is hypnotic- she suddenly doesn’t care about Reo watching them, or her body being exposed, all she wants is to kiss Nagi. She can only imagine what Reo is like, how perfect his body must be, how pretty he must sound if Nagi continues to crave him like this.

“Mhm.” She lets a light whine escape. She should be exhausted by now, but she feels her pussy tighten at the thought of both of them at once. He must have drugged her or something, she shouldn’t be able to take this much.

“Hear that Reo? She can handle it.” Nagi turns his head to look at the purple-haired manager, who looks like a prince sitting on the couch the way he is. He’s still dressed up in his suit, he looks so professional, with his legs crossed and wearing a slight cocky smile.

“You sure you want that y/n?” Reo asks, ensuring he hears it from her directly.

She nods. “Yeah.” Truthfully, she isn’t sure. But her body wants it, her body wants to know what both of them feel like.

“That’s a good girl.” Reo smiles, standing up to pull his blazer off. Y/n stares at him with tired eyes as he unbuttons his shirt and slides it off, then moves to pull his undershirt off his body. He’s so pretty like this, she’s never seen him so vulnerable and sexy. And of course his body is perfect, his bulge pressing on his pants as he slides them down his legs. “How much has that pretty body taken? Don’t worry, I’ll make you feel real good.”

“Plenty. She’s so good about it though.” Nagi pulls her closer, bear hugging her against his chest.

“Pretty girl loves Nagi’s cock yeah?” Reo climbs into bed with them, sliding y/n off Nagi’s body so they both lay on their backs under him. “You take that breather Nagi, let me make her feel good.”

“Fuck, really?” She gasps. Nagi hasn’t done that for her yet, that selfish guitarist. He just loves his cock inside her, doesn’t want a second where his hard shaft isn’t buried in that pretty pussy.

“Nagi hasn’t taken good care of you hm? Poor girl.” Reo dips his head between her thighs, placing a kiss to her throbbing clit. “Look at you, still with cum spilling out. I’ll clean you up nice and good.” His voice is so soft yet dominant, it’s almost degrading how sweet he’s being to her.

His tongue is like magic against her used hole, lapping up the drops of cum that still leak out of her. It dips between her folds like a hot knife through butter, slicing away at her oversensitivity and overwhelming her with pleasure. He flicks and sucks on her, drinking up her sweet taste.

Nagi wraps his arm around her, his fingers gliding through her hair as if he’s been nothing but a sweetheart to her since this started. He’s so confusing, but everything he does feels damn good. Before she knows it, Nagi is leaning over her tits, circling her nipples with his tongue and pulling her skin between his teeth.

The sensitivity of both of their mouths on her is sending her to a different planet, her vision blurred with sparkling stars as the knot in her stomach grows with each passing second. Her muscles tighten, her hands find themselves wrapped in Reo’s hair, desperately tugging on it, pulling his mouth tighter onto her stimulated clit.

It’s like Reo knows her body better than she does, making all the right movements, his tongue finding spots around and in her hole that y/n didn’t even know existed. Reo is truly good at everything, just like the white-haired guitarist sucking on her tits. They really are a good match for each other, even better when they’re double teaming her.

“So- s’close Reo~” She mewls, her whines and gasps filling the room as she tries desperately to remain earthside. Reo’s tongue is just that good, she might teleport to a different universe.

“Hmm~” Reo hums against her vibrating clit, finally driving her forcefully over the edge.

“Ah, fuck~ ah!” She moans out, unable to stop herself from squeezing her thighs tightly around Reo’s head, her fingers pulling hard on his hair. It feels like a wave rushing through her body from head to toe, trying to force a tsunami through her tight little hole.

“Look at you~” Reo hums, tilting his gaze to look at her from between her gorgeous thighs, her cum dripping down his chin and coating his plump lips. “You sound so pretty when you cum.” He compliments her, so much kinder than the selfish white-haired boy with his tongue gliding across her tits.

“You can take Reo now, yeah?” Nagi moves it along, eager to continue the pleasure he feels from his multiple orgasms. For such a lazy boy, Nagi’s stamina is unmatched. Even in the evenings Isagi would fuck y/n until she’s drooling sloppily and half asleep from cumming so much, he would be just as exhausted. Nagi is a different story.

“Don’t worry beautiful, I’ll take care of you.” Reo says kindly, lifting himself up from the comfortable spot nestled between her thighs.

Y/n always tried not to imagine Reo in a compromising position like this, given that he’s technically her boss, but after making her way through band member after band member, including the choreographer, she often couldn’t help herself from thinking about Reo’s kind eyes, his sweet smile, his likable yet manipulative demeanor. She couldn’t help but to imagine how Reo would treat her in bed, even though it felt so wrong to think about. Turns out she was right, Reo is a soft dom who loves to please, putting her needs first and ensuring her safety above all else. This is the type of man y/n doesn’t quite think she deserves, especially after being such a slut this entire tour.

Nagi, on the other hand, is a man created for someone as slutty as her. Y/n can’t help but feel a bit bad for Reo, being put in a position night after night to please Nagi no matter how much he’s had already. Reo must have an intense masochistic side despite being dominant with her, given that he’s such a leader in his daily life.

Reo helps y/n sit up as Nagi reaches into a bag he messily half-unpacked next to his bed, grabbing a bottle of lube to lather on his thick, hard cock.

“Good girl, bend forward f’me.” Reo whispers, placing a few soft kisses to her temple.

She obeys him, as it would be nearly impossible not to follow directions from that gorgeous boy. She positions herself on all fours, the same compromising position Reo found her in when he first entered the room.

Y/n turns to look back at Reo and Nagi, watching Nagi spread a sizable glob of lube on his cock, using the lube remaining on his fingers to plunge some into Reo’s hole, preparing him to take his girth.

“S’okay doll, I got you.” Reo leans forward, one hand resting on her hips and one resting on his cock as he lines it up with her, slowly sliding it in her abused, soaked cunt. “Wow~” He moans. “You can take it so good.”

He bottoms out in no time, with y/n already being substantially stretched out from Nagi relentlessly fucking her all evening.

“M’gonna let Nagi do the work, yeah? He deserves to put in some effort.” Reo smirks, warming himself inside her.

“Hmph.” Nagi huffs. “You’ll regret that.” He jerks his cock a few times, pushing his tip into Reo’s ass. He goes much slower than he did with y/n, obviously, but he’s not kind about it nonetheless. Nagi’s such a desperate boy, needing his fix at practically all hours of the day, always calling on Reo to indulge him. And Reo can never refuse, it would be nearly impossible to refuse fan favorite Nagi Seishiro.

“Mmm~” Reo hums again, his cock pulsing inside y/n as Nagi slowly forces his thick length inside him. “Fuck~” Reo moans out, not holding back the pretty noises. He sounds gorgeous, his breath catching in his throat as his grunts and moans fill every corner of the hotel room.

Nagi thrusts, starting slowly at first, letting Reo’s tight ass adjust to him before fucking hard into him, bullying his prostate with every forceful thrust. As Nagi moves, Reo’s body moves too, his cock fucking into y/n just from Nagi’s movements.

Reo’s body practically rests over hers, her wetness coating his thighs as it can’t help but dribble out. She gasps for air with every one of Nagi’s thrusts, her fingernails digging into the sheets and her back arching, giving Reo a full view of her gorgeous ass.

Nagi’s movements get sloppy fast, his body rocking into Reo’s repeatedly, sending shock waves down y/n’s spine.

“M’close. So close- Nagi~” Reo gasps, whining out as he’s stimulated from both the front and the back at the same time, overwhelming his entire body with an intense orgasm. “F-fuck~” He whimpers, releasing hard into y/n’s tight cunt.

“There y’go.” Nagi moves faster, abusing Reo’s hole to the fullest as he chases his own high, reaching it quickly. He cums hard again, stuffing his cum inside his purple-haired band manager. “Always givin’ me what I need.” Nagi takes a breath, pulling out of Reo and collapsing back on the pillow.

Reo pulls out next, cum now coating his cock and his ass. He wraps his arms around y/n’s stomach, pulling her backward so she falls onto the bed with him, right next to Nagi.

“You okay y/n?” Reo asks.

“Yeah.” She nods. “Real tired.”

“I bet.” He replies.

“You got through everyone in the band now right? Our own personal slut.” Nagi chuckles.

“Nagi-” Reo starts to scold him.

“No, he’s right.” Y/n chuckles weakly. “I’m proud to be Blue Lock’s personal slut.”

“So we can all call you when we want it, hm, we don’t have to dance around it anymore then.” Nagi turns his head so it rests next to Reo’s, suddenly cutely snuggling the two of them as if he didn’t just fuck them senseless.

Reo sighs. “That’s fine. As long as it doesn’t go public.”

And y/n doesn’t want that either, publicly admitting to being passed around the band would be a horrible look. However, y/n can’t be happier with this arrangement. Plus, how could she still want to be tied down to Isagi when she has all these perfect boys with expertly crafted cocks to fuck her whenever she needs it? She’s perfectly fine with being the band’s personal slut, in fact, it may be her dream job.

“I’m too far gone anyway.” She chuckles, quoting her favorite Blue Lock song, the first song she ever heard from them.

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golden-cherry · 11 months

Text

deal - cl16 (5/?)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.

Chapter Summary: Charles trying to help may be not really helping at all.

Warnings: fighting, Charles is stupid, Google translated French

Word Count: 3k

series masterlist

previous part

A/N: I wrote this wine drunk and at like 2am. I'm sorry in advance. Feedback is still appreciated. love y'all

The last time you froze like you did at that exact moment was when you were about to cross the crosswalk and a car almost flattened you because the driver didn't see you. You were staring ahead, holding your breath. Your heart had skipped a few beats.

Only now there is no road in front of you, with moving cars and a bicyclist worrying and asking if everything is okay with you (you were just scared, everything was fine).

Now Charles is standing in front of you. With your phone to his ear.

"Allô?" His green eyes gleam in the daylight streaming through the kitchen windows, resting on you as your heart skips a few beats before it starts to race.

Your hand clings to the poor potato as if it were a buoy keeping you afloat. You can't take your eyes off your roommate.

"C'est sa colocataire,“ Charles says. "Et à qui je parle?“ this is her roomate. and who am I talking to?

You feel yourself crushing the potato in your hand, but you can't manage to loosen your grip. It spills out from between your fingers and crumbles onto the countertop, but you can't think about cleaning it up right now. Your nerves are on edge, your head is empty.

Charles speaks something into the phone, but you don't understand a word. His voice sounds as if through absorbent cotton, as if he were standing far away from you. You look at him, transfixed, as he holds your cell phone in his hand as if it were his own.

He takes it from his ear and presses the red button before putting it back in the place from where he had taken it. This time it lies on the screen between the two of you on the kitchen counter.

"'He shouldn't be bothering you anymore now,'" he says, reaching again for the knife lying next to the salmon. A gentle smile has formed on his face.

Charles smiles. Why is he smiling? He has no reason to. None at all.

Your petrification dissolves abruptly and you have to restrain yourself from throwing the mashed potato at his stupid head or pressing his face into the salmon.

How dare he just answer your phone? And especially when he calls? Who does he think he is anyway?

You didn't answer the phone for a reason. Never again did you want to exchange a word with him. At some point he would have already given up, wouldn't have tried to contact you anymore, and then he would have simply disappeared from your life.

But Charles took his call. Without knowing what the consequences would be.

He calmly works on the salmon on the kitchen board in front of him, still a smile on his face, and he hums along to the music that started automatically after he ended the call. It's a quiet song.

The complete opposite of what's going on inside you right now.

You'd love to grab Charles by the back of the head and slam his face into the wall, but of course you don't. You could also take the kitchen towel hanging on the side of the countertop and hit him with it, but you don't do that either.

You could also yell at him. Tell him that he has no right to just answer your phone and interfere in your business. You could yell at him and try to somehow make him understand that this is a private matter and that you actually agreed that private things are private as long as the person doesn't want to talk about it.

You could throw all that at him. But when you open your mouth, not a peep comes out.

Would it be wise to yell at your roommate? The roommate who just stood up for you and made sure you got your already paid rent refunded? The one who lets you stay in his apartment for free without particularly asking much of you in return?

The way Charles smiles and hums the melody of the song, he actually believes that he just did the right thing. Does he always stand up for his friends like that? Or rather, does he always interfere in the affairs of others to make the situation better, only to make it worse with his actions?

You breathe silently as your heart tries to return to its old rhythm. You carefully place the potato from your hand on the board in front of you and wipe off the remains with a kitchen towel.

"Can you take over for a minute?" you try to say as casually as possible. Your voice croaks like an old door that hasn't been opened in ages, but Charles doesn't seem to register it. "I'll be right back."

As quickly as you can, yet as slowly as you can without seeming rushed, you disappear from the kitchen and search for the restroom, which is thankfully two doors down. You lock the door behind you and sit down on the toilet lid with trembling knees, then rest your head in your hands.

And then the tears start to flow.

Never in your life have you been so overwhelmed. You've lost your job and are in the process of looking for a new one, only to find that there isn't one that suits you. Your boyfriend has dumped you, but he still won't leave you alone. And never in your life did you expect a roommate who, while sticking up for you, also interferes in your affairs as if you've known each other forever and as if he knows you so well that he knows what's good for you.

How are you supposed to handle a situation like that?

There's nothing you can do about the job thing. Apparently no agency is looking for a photographer right now. You can only be glad that - thanks to Charles' efforts - you have enough money to keep your head above water for a while.

You have a lot to thank your roommate for.

First, you'll get your rent back. So you don't have to worry about money for the time being and you can look for a job that suits you and is not a last resort.

Secondly, you do not have to pay rent in the future. According to him, the apartment is paid off and since he refuses to take your money, you can save money. Although you will still have to pay the running costs, you will share them and this would also remove another big financial burden.

Charles has stood up for you even though you expected nothing of the sort. Especially not after the emotional state he displayed on the car ride. He had been so emotionless, so cold, but as soon as Joris had opened the door, he had been a changed man. Friendly and warm and kind.

And then he just answers your phone. Invades your privacy without asking your permission.

He clearly crossed a line, even if he didn't mean to or even realize it. He probably only meant well, after all, he realized how much the call upset you this morning and showed you his secret place as a result. As your friend, he probably just wants to make sure you're okay. And there is most likely no evil thought behind his action.

But the tears on your cheeks still don't subside.

You wipe your eyes with the ball of your hand and thank all the gods that you didn't put on any mascara this morning. Your eyes are slightly red as you look at yourself in the mirror above the sink and splash some water on your face to cool your hot skin a bit.

You decide against confronting Charles. After all, he only means well and he's already done so much for you in the space of half a day without you really knowing each other. And he expects nothing in return except your friendship.

He has crossed the line. You decide to move the boundary line back a little.

As you head back to the kitchen, Charles and Joris are setting the table. The potatoes are boiling in the pot, the salmon is in a casserole dish in the oven, and briefly you wonder how much time you spent in the bathroom.

"Are you okay?" Charles' voice snaps you out of your thoughts. Judging by his expression, he's noticed your slightly reddened eyes, because he's raised an eyebrow and doesn't avert his gaze from you.

You smile weakly at him. "It's all right."

The three of you sit down at the table and you almost feel sick because the two boys are devouring their food so fast. You've barely taken two bites of your salmon and chopped up a potato when they're already going back for seconds.

Joris talks about his phone call offering him a job, and Charles tells you about his plans to visit his family soon and spend the holidays with them. You hold back, preferring to listen to the two of them. After all, you don't have much to talk about either.

Charles doesn't know you're unemployed, and you definitely wouldn't tell him that over lunch with your (former) landlord. And certainly not after you've just been crying in the bathroom.

"What are you doing for Christmas anyway, Y/N?" Jori's voice snaps you out of your thoughts. Two pairs of eyes rest on you, and you look nervously from one to the other. "Are you going to visit your family?"

You take a sip of your Coke to stall for time a la Joris, then poke at your food. "I'm, um. no. I'm staying home," you answer him, your gaze by now firmly fixed on the potatoes on your plate. The silence that surrounds you seems somehow tense, but unfortunately there's nothing you can do to change that.

"If you like, you're more than welcome to come with me to my family's house," Charles tries to lighten the situation, and even though the offer isn't meant seriously, you're very grateful for it. "My mom always makes way too much food anyway. One more or less person doesn't make a difference."

Joris drops his fork on his plate and crosses his arms in front of his chest in a huff. "And I thought I was the only one of your friends who got to spend Christmas with your family." You can tell by the twitching corners of his mouth that he's not serious.

"You drank three bottles of wine last time and then threw up in the front yard," Charles laughs.

Joris reaches for the serving tray lying next to his plate and crumples it up, only to throw it at his buddy's head. "Who put those bottles on me?"

Watching the two of them argue - lovingly - softens your heart. While you know Charles is incredibly nice, the way he treats his longtime friend - so appreciative, even though he just sublet his apartment - makes your heart beat a little faster.

There's no way you'd risk losing your friendship with Charles by bringing up the phone call to him.

An hour later, Joris closes the apartment door behind you, and with bellies full, you make your way to your car. Charles lets the key twirl on his index finger as he happily whistles a tune you don't recognize.

He unlocks the car and after you get in, he turns to you. "What's wrong?"

Confused, you look at him. "What's supposed to be going on?"

Your roommate tilts his head. "You were crying in the bathroom. Why?"

You run a hand through your hair before reaching for your seatbelt. "It's already taken care of. It's all fine." You raise an eyebrow, and your gaze flickers briefly to the key in Charles' hand, indicating he can drive off. But he doesn't move a bit.

"It's not fine, Y/N. Why were you crying?" He makes no move to look ahead. Instead, he turns his whole body toward you and pulls his right knee up onto the seat.

"I'm fine. Seriously." You try to back up your words with a nod. "The situation has cleared up."

Your roommate doesn't believe a word you say. "So there is something bothering you after all. What's going on?"

Why won't he let up? You've assured him twice that everything is fine. Why does he keep insisting on an answer you clearly don't want to give him?

You furrow your eyebrows. "Charles," your tone is sharp and no longer too friendly. Annoyed, you look at him. "It's all okay. Can we drop the subject now?"

You don't want to argue with him, at least you have no reason to. You have decided not to be angry with him about the phone call. Therefore, there is no reason why you should tell him about it.

"Didn't we agree that we would communicate openly with each other? That I wouldn't have to ask five times what was going on with you before you explained what it was all about?"

You decided to push back the boundary line. It was your decision alone. But for him to use your deal against you now makes you want to burst with anger.

How dare he?

"Didn't we also agree that private things are private as long as you don't want to talk about them?" You cross your arms in front of your chest. "In case you didn't catch it, I didn't take that call this morning, and if you didn't already figure it out, there were certainly reasons for it. After all, you won't have just brought me to your favorite place for no reason."

Charles opens his mouth to say something back, but you don't let him get a word in edgewise. "You've noticed that the phone call this morning and also just now got to me. So where did you get the idea to just answer my phone? What were you thinking?"

As you stare at him and exhale loudly, Charles takes this as his chance to answer you. "I wanted that guy to stop bothering you. Of course, I noticed how you were feeling about it. And I didn't want you to have to go through that again." He holds his hands in front of him, palms up. "Jeez, Y/N. I was worried about you. You looked like a frozen deer about to get hit by a car both times. I didn't even see you like that when I was suddenly standing in the apartment last night. You would have punched me there, but apparently this guy puts you out of order with just one phone call. And this isn't you."

"You don't even know who I am," you counter. "You've known me for what? Fifteen hours? And you think you know me so well that you assume the right to meddle in my affairs, even though you've noticed that I don't handle it very well myself? If I had wanted you to support me in this, I would have told you about it. But I didn't. And you interfered anyway!"

"Then why don't you say what's on your mind? That you didn't think it was right for me to just answer your phone? Why do I have to ask three times before you finally open your mouth?" Charles' voice has also changed to a shriek. His face is flushed and the vein on his neck is pumping.

"Because everything is fine!" You rub your forehead with your palm in frustration. "Yeah, I think it sucks that you just butted in. But I also realize you didn't mean any harm and you were trying to help me. That's why I didn't bring it up. Because the issue is already over for me."

Charles clenches his jaw. "It's not over for me. You need to talk to me when something bothers you. When I make mistakes and cross boundaries. How else will I know I've done something wrong?"

"For the love of God, Charles, but that boundary was so clear that even a blind man could have seen it." You put your hands on your thighs. A sign that you're at the end of your rope. "I don't feel like arguing. Can't we just go home and put this behind us?"

Charles doesn't move a bit, but continues to stare at you. "No. We need to talk this out. Otherwise, this isn't going to work." With his index finger, he points to the space between the two of you.

You exhale loudly and run your hand through your hair. Then you shake your head slightly. The hours you've known Charles have taken such a toll on you, especially mentally and emotionally, that you just want to crawl into your bed and put the day behind you. And the fact that your roommate is blocking the most pleasant way to get there right now - which is for you to drive home quickly in your car - makes you slump down further.

You unbuckle your seatbelt and let it whiz back into place. Charles' eyes widen as you reach for the door handle. "I can't do this." You get out, still hearing Charles say your name before you turn and start walking.

Maybe this whole thing wasn't such a good idea after all.

next part

#charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc prompt #carlos sainz jr #charles leclerc fluff #scuderia ferrari #formula 1 #charlos #Charles Leclerc angst #charles leclerc series #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc social media au #daniel ricciardo

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waywardxwords · 29 days

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Chapter 5 - Last Names (Taking Chances)

Summary: After a random encounter introduces you to Dean Winchester, you can't shake the magnetic pull you feel towards him. For years, you've felt like everything in your life is under control--a promising career, financial stability and no real responsibilities. Dean's a hunter; it's his life and job. But somehow when you meet, your worlds are flipped upside down and you have to decide if it's a chance worth taking.

Chapter Warnings: MATURE CONTENT, please do not continue if you are under the age of 18, language, fluff

Pairing: Dean Winchester x female!reader

Word Count: ~4.8k (this is a doozy, possibly one of the longest chapters I've ever written!

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You had never consumed (nor had you seen someone consume) a burger so quickly before in your life. It was a good burger, but that wasn’t what you could focus on.

When Alice came back to the table to check out–ahem, on–you (but mostly Dean), his gaze didn’t even move from yours.

“We’ll take the check now, Alice,” he said carefully as he watched you. The way his eyes studied you made you feel naked. It was like nothing else existed in the world but you. Heat climbed your chest in blotchy patches until they formed islands on your neck, your cheeks. The way your heart pounded against your sternum felt so loud, you could hear each beat in your ears. This man was doing something to you, and that was something you hadn’t experienced in too long.

“Here you go, sugar,” Alice gingerly placed the bill in the middle of the table. She watched Dean intently, certainly hoping for maybe one more look into those beautiful green eyes. He glanced quickly with a smile as he fumbled in his pocket for his wallet. He tossed enough cash to cover the meal and the tip on the table, then back to you.

“Thanks, Alice,” he said, without missing another beat. He stood and held his hand out for you to take. “You wanna get outta here?”

Words seemed to fail you for a second, so you just nodded very quickly. Before he could pull you towards the door, he grabbed the grocery bag with the cherry pie you had brought.

“Oh, you forgot to eat your pie,” you murmured as you followed him through the diner.

“I was thinking we might have a different dessert tonight,” he paused at the door as his eyes looked over you once more. You realized he was asking if that’s what you wanted, too. Yet again, all you could do was nod.

Dean’s fingers laced through yours as he led you across the parking lot. The rapid beating of your heart hadn’t slowed, but there was a brief moment you felt the pad of his thumb brush the top of yours to your knuckle and back that made your heart skip.

After a second or two, he had spun you so your back was pressed against his back passenger door. The sound of the grocery bag rustled as he tossed it into the front passenger seat and turned his attention back to you.

You mentally (and physically) gulped.

The way his eyes searched your face one last time, the way his hands cupped your cheeks. It was electric, or maybe even more magnetic. Every time you lost contact with his skin, you craved more. It was as though there was this pull between you that kept drawing you back.

“God, what is it about you?” He breathed the question, and you couldn’t blame him. You had been wondering the same about him. How you couldn’t stop thinking about him after your random encounter in Atlanta. Or the way you couldn’t sit still long enough to meet him in Salina the night before. And now tonight–the way you couldn’t compose yourself after he started blatantly flirting with you.

“Ever since you kissed me last night,” you tested your bravery as your eyes moved over his lips and noted how they glistened in the yellow glow of the street light he had parked under. “I’ve wanted more.” You looked back to his eyes just long enough to see the shadow of his lashes as his lips curve up in a smirk.

After his gaze moved from your eyes to your mouth once more, his lips pressed against yours and moved slowly.

Your hands found his wrists as he still held your face. He moved one hand down to wrap behind you so you were caught between him and his car. The way his body blocked over you made your head spin. Dean tilted his head a bit to get a better angle, and you felt his tongue gently move over your bottom lip. Without wasting another moment, you welcomed him inside.

The skin of your back felt cool as it pressed against the metal of his car and the glass window, but there was warmth where his hand held you–pressed against your lower back carefully, but strategically to apply just the right amount of pressure so you could feel every inch of his chest, his hips, his thighs…

There was a pause from him and the sound of your kiss ending echoed in your ears. You searched his eyes for a moment, and you saw hesitation.

“Maybe we should slow down a little bit,” he half-heartedly chuckled as his eyes fell over you.

“Dean?” You made sure your eye contact with him was solid so he knew you meant it. “I live the most mundane life. If you looked up the definition of boring, my life would be next to it as an example.” Dean laughed softly but brought his fingers up to brush a strand of your hair back that had blown freely with the wind. “Meeting you has been one of the most serendipitous things that’s happened to me, I think. I want this. I want you.”

Another moment passed before Dean’s lips were back on yours, but more slowly this time; purposeful.

“Okay, then,” he said softly as he broke away once more, the lowness of his voice sent another shudder below your skin. “Serendipitous.” He repeated before he kissed you once more. The word sounded like magic as it rolled off of his tongue.

His hands moved more freely now as they both gripped your hips. His thumbs looped in your belt loops as your hands roamed his chest.

“Can we go to your place?” You asked, breathlessly. You were even slightly surprised at your forwardness, but you didn’t let it stop you. His eyes darted between yours and you sensed hesitation.

“I can’t, my, uh, my brother’s there,” his answer sounded hesitant, but you were distracted by the way your heart pulsated in your chest.

You nibbled on your bottom lip for a moment as you tried to think of a solution. The fire in the pit of your stomach didn’t help, but instead urged you to come up with something.

Dean quickly opened his passenger door once more and held it open for you. “I’ll find a place,” he motioned. There was a sense of giddiness that overtook you as you slid into the Impala. It was something about the recklessness that you never allowed yourself to encounter, and the man practically jogging around the front of the car. The smell of leather of the seats mixed with Dean’s faded cologne, you could hardly contain yourself. This man was like a drug, and you were officially hooked.

He pushed the key into the ignition and the engine roared to life. You couldn’t help but slide over the bench seat so you were pressed to his side. As he put the car into drive, your lips found the soft spot just below his ear lobe. Your lips smoothed over the stubble covered skin, and your teeth nibbled gently.

“Jesus, sweetheart,” he practically hissed through his teeth. “You’re makin’ me crazy, here.” A gentle chuckle rumbled in his chest.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” you pulled back but felt a different kind of heat pull to your cheeks; this time, it was slight embarrassment. “I’m sorry, just something with you…this just feels so different.”

“Oh, you mean you don’t usually jump your date?” Dean eyed you with a glance as he drove, but a small smile formed on his lips.

Ugh, the embarrassment took over (after your insides tingled a bit at the way he said ‘date’) and you pulled your hand over your face.

“Hey, now,” Dean took one hand off the wheel and gently pulled yours away from your face so he could see you. “Don’t go hiding on me. There’s nothin’ wrong with this, sweetheart. I was just kidding.” His words were gentle, but you could still hear the roughness in his tone as his blood pumped through his body from your closeness to him. “I just want to be very clear—whether anything happens tonight or not, I’ve had the best night I’ve had in a long time.”

The car was filled with darkness as he turned down a road with limited street lights. But in the glow of the moonlight, you could see the white of his teeth and shadows of his features that told you he was telling the truth.

“Me too, Dean,” your words came in a whisper. “But to answer your question,” you cleared your throat and looked down at your hands now in your lap before you continued. “No, I most definitely do not jump my dates. Especially ones who I don’t even know their last name.” You laughed, the song Last Name by Carrie Underwood played for a moment in your brain..

“Ha,” he laughed out loud as stole another glimpse at you before looking back at the road. “Fair enough. And it’s Winchester.” He answered with a smile. Winchester, you made a mental note.

You offered up your last name before the next question came. “Do you…do you regularly seduce your date on the…” you contemplated. What date was this, exactly? “Second date?” It came as two questions, really. The first being if Dean did this on a regular basis; the second questioning which date this was, exactly.

Dean turned into a parking lot of a quaint building. As he pulled into a parking spot, he answered. “Well, first of all, no. I, uh,” he cleared his throat somewhat uncomfortably as he continued. “I haven’t been in this kind of situation in…a while.” That was a relief. “And secondly, this is our third date, not second.” You did the mental math and realized he was kind of right, counting when you met in Atlanta. “Technically it could be our fourth…dinner in Atlanta and then hanging out in the hotel.” You rolled your eyes.

“Oh, come on—if we’re counting that as our first date, it definitely only counts as one,” you smirked, which caused Dean to chuckle again.

“That was the longest first date I’ve ever been on,” Dean had turned his body so he faced you now.

You contemplated that. “Huh, ya know, I think it was the longest first date I’ve ever been on, too.”

“See? It should count as two,” Dean winked. His fingers found yours on what little slice of seat was left between the two of you. “In all seriousness,” he glanced down at your hands where your fingers melded together. “This is a bed and breakfast. I’d love to spend the night with you here, even if that means just watching old horror classics and talking like we did in Atlanta.”

His words brought a wave over you that you managed to wade through. It was different. While you hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, you were still used to a different pressure with guys pre Dean. He wasn’t like the others, and that was clear.

You nodded just as Dean brought your hands to his lips and left a soft kiss. “Good,” he gently dropped your hands and turned to open the driver's side door. You scooted back over to the passenger door and opened it to step into the cool Kansas air. Dean waited just in front of the Impala for you and smiled as you approached, with a reach for your hand.

Being with Dean felt easy; freeing, almost. The two of you walked through the front door of the bed and breakfast and smiled at the older woman behind the counter.

“Oh, hello!” She beamed. “Checking in?”

“Wanted to see if you had a room, by chance,” Dean fished for his wallet out of his back pocket and you took in the surroundings. This place was charming. It was an older building, but had modern updates. Dean paid for the room and the woman handed over the key.

“Check out is at 11am, but we can make an exception for later, if needed,” somehow you thought you saw a wink in there. Jesus, all the women love him, the thought played through your mind as you smirked with a shake of your head. Maybe it wasn’t just you who had a magnetic pull to the mysterious Dean Winchester.

“No problem, thank you so much,” Dean smiled as he took the key and turned towards the stairs with you. The woman watched as you ascended, probably wondering where your luggage was, which made your cheeks warm again.

“I forgot, I have to be at the airport in the morning. I’ll have to leave by four if I want to make it,” you whispered to Dean as you approached the door with the number 7 on it.

“Ah, shit. I didn’t think about that,” Dean hesitated for a moment. “It’s only about 9 now. You wanna stay, or head back? I don’t mind either way.” He gave you another out, just in case (which you appreciated).

“No, no,” you shook your head and took the key from him. “I’ll be fine. Who needs sleep anyway?” You slipped the key into the doorknob and turned.

The door opened to a quaint room—light gray walls with white molding. There was a king-sized bed up against a wall facing a flat screen television. Another door opened up into a beautiful bathroom with white marble tiling and a glass shower with a small vanity.

“This is so nice,” you muttered as you took in the room. It felt elegant and like something you wouldn’t find in Lebanon, Kansas.

“It really is,” Dean took in the surroundings, as well. “I’ve always heard good things.” He moved to pull his leather jacket off to reveal a dark green t-shirt.

Your eyes traveled down his torso—the way it formed to fit every muscle in his chest, and the way it clung to his biceps. You’d be a remiss if you didn’t acknowledge the way it took your breath away.

“So, what’ll it be? Horror movie? Comedy? I’ll even suck up a chick-flick if that’s what you’re feelin’,” he had reached for the remote but his eyes were on you; you could feel it even before you turned to see it for yourself.

This is crazy, you barely know the man. But you felt like you did. You knew of the things he had been through; the pain and trauma. You knew he had kind eyes–sometimes a little mischievous as they practically undressed you in the diner.

“Dean?” Your eyes watched him closely as you stepped towards him. He seemed hesitant, maybe. A little unsure of what your intentions were.

“Hmm?” He hummed back and you noticed he rocked on his heels for a second.

“Kiss me?” It came out as a question, though you had hoped it’d be a clear statement.

His eyes darted from your gaze to your lips, then back once more. And then his lips were on yours again, this time more intense than the last. It felt as though he had given you every opportunity to change your mind, and upon realizing you hadn’t, he kissed you in a way you truly felt you had never been kissed before.

You took the lead this time and let your tongue move across his bottom lip. Almost instantly, his mouth opened and allowed you in. Tangled breaths mixed between you as Dean moved backward with his hands pulling your hips until the backs of his legs hit the bed.

There was a brief separation as your eyes moved between one another, and then just as quickly, Dean pulled the hem of his shirt up until it was over his head. That was where you froze—your eyes traced from his freckled shoulders, down his chest, to his abs and landed where his jeans were buttoned.

“You okay, sweetheart?” There was a teasing tone to his voice as you caught his eyes once more.

Your tongue darted out to lick your lips quickly, and you managed a nod. “You are…” words failed you as you tried not to stare. There was an interesting tattoo on his chest–it almost looked like a sun, but you weren’t sure. Your eyes were glazed over with need.

“Your turn,” his words sent a shiver from the top of your spine to the tips of your toes. Your teeth instinctively found the inside of your bottom lip again.

Dean’s fingers were quick to settle below your chin, his thumb gently pulled down below your lip to release it.

“It makes me crazy when you do that,” his voice was so low and gruff. He pulled your blazer down off of your shoulders until it fell to the carpeted ground below your feet. Your fingertips found the hem of your blouse and pulled it over your head. It wasn't until then that you realized how hard you were breathing, as the tops of your breasts rose and fell.

Just as insecurities about your body began to drift back into your brain, you pushed forward to connect your lips to his. He faltered only for a second before he welcomed the kiss, his fingertips working quickly on the clasp of your bra behind your back.

The cool air nipped at spots on your skin that had been covered before. Dean pulled away for a moment to take it all in.

“God, you’re beautiful,” his chest rose and fell rapidly with each breath he took.

With the palms of your hands, you pressed against his chest so he fell back on the bed. He leaned back on his elbows with a grin across his face and you swore you could see a spark in his eyes.

“C’mere,” he urged, and you knew he didn’t have to tell you twice. You moved so you were on top of him, planting kisses on his lips, his cheek, his neck. You felt the slight swell of your lips as it scratched upon the rough stubble on his jaw line.

Dean wasted no time in rolling so you were underneath him, which elicited a small giggle from you.

His fingertips traced from your cheek, down your neck, to your collarbone. Then the top of your breast, until his thumb was strategically placed over your nipple where he rubbed until it sprouted into an even harder bud than it already was.

“Dean,” it came as a hiss. Your eyes had closed so tightly, you couldn’t even see the warm yellow glow from the table lamp. The soft cotton sheets pooled between your fingertips as you clutched for some stability.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet, sweetheart,” his lips replaced his thumb and you thought you might explode. His hand moved down your stomach, cradling your side smoothly as he continued his path until he reached the waistband of your pants. Seemingly expertly, he maneuvered his fingers until you felt the pop of the metal button being released.

When his hands urged your hips upward, you complied. You lifted your hips so he could shimmy the pants off of your hips until they collected near your ankles. One kick was all it took to send them to the carpeted floor.

Dean kneeled up on his knees as he undid his jeans painfully slowly, you felt. Patience wasn’t in the cards for you, so you sat up and moved your hands over his to undo them quicker. You didn’t miss the smirk across his face or the way his eyes bore into you as you worked.

Before he discarded his jeans, he reached into the back pocket for his wallet and retrieved a square foil packet.

Still on his knees, Dean eyed your burgundy panties and traced the small trail of wetness he found there with his thumb, causing you to moan out again as you tried to writhe against his hand.

“You’re already so ready for me, sweetheart,” he crooned just as he reached up to the elastic waistband and gave another tug.

There was no more room for insecurities; you were already too far gone. As Dean slid the panties down your legs, you felt the length of him against your knee.

“You seem pretty turned on yourself, Mr. Winchester,” you attempted your best flirtation back.

“Oh, and then some, Atlanta,” he breathed as his fingers found your folds and smoothed over them. The back of your head dug into the mattress as his fingers worked you over.

A fire burned deep in the pit of your belly, and the only person who could extinguish it was Dean Winchester, you were sure of it.

He slipped his index finger in and simultaneously continued circling your clit. Your fingers released the death grip on the sheets and tangled in his short hair. With the other hand, you traveled down Dean’s chest until you found what you were looking for. You moved your hand along his hardened cock under the waistband of his boxers, allowing your thumb to smooth over the tip.

“Jesus,” he murmured as you moved, his fingers matching rhythm with your hand.

Dean positioned himself over you again, his lips taking yours in a hasty kiss. The feeling of him pressing in all of the right places, paired with his lips on yours and the feeling of him in your hand, you thought you may combust.

“More,” was all you could muster out between the trail of his lips, but it seemed like he didn’t have to be told more than once, either.

He leaned back and tore into the foil packet with his teeth before removing the condom and rolling it onto his cock.

Goosebumps trailed your skin as you watched, and you couldn’t help but take your bottom lip captive between your teeth once more.

“What’d I tell you about that lip?” Dean moved over you once more as he settled between your legs and pulled your lip down with his thumb. Then, he dropped the volume but his voice rasped, “That lip drives me crazy.”

Your eyes met and just before he entered you, you quipped back. “Show me.”

It was 3:44 when Dean tilted his head to glance at the neon green numbers on the nightstand. You felt his groan rumble through his chest where your head was planted as you traced his freckles.

He dropped a quick kiss to your hairline. “We gotta get you back to your car, sweetheart. You have a flight to catch in a few hours.”

Your groan matched his as you buried your head in his chest, hoping that maybe if you did, you could stay there forever. “I don’t wanna.”

That elicited a chuckle from him. “Trust me, if we could stay like this, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Dean had extinguished that fire in your belly, but then relit it. And extinguished it again…and then once more in the shower. “I know, I know,” you grumbled as Dean reluctantly pulled away and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“Back to reality,” he chirped with a quick smack to your ass.

“Hey!” You laughed as you turned towards him, your breasts exposed.

“Goddamn, woman. You gotta get dressed before you miss your flight,” he turned away to gather his clothes.

The Impala roared to life as Dean drove you back to your car parked at the restaurant. You sat similarly to how you did on the way to the bed and breakfast—pressed against his side, his fingers interlocked with yours tracing small patterns upon the top of your hand.

It only took a few minutes to get back to where your rental car was parked at Jiffy Burger. It was almost four o’clock in the morning and your body was tired, but your adrenaline was still pumping. You didn’t want the night to end.

Dean cut the engine as a sigh passed through his lips. “I hate how late it is and how far you have to go. You sure you don’t want me to follow you back to Salina?”

“I’m sure, Dean. It’s late, or early I guess, but I’ll be fine. Tonight was well worth it. Besides, I’ll just sleep on the plane,” your lips found his cheek for a quick kiss.

He groaned. “I hate that you’re leaving.” He sounded genuine, and you had to admit you felt the same.

“I know, but it gives us something to look forward to. For next time,” your teeth found the inside of your lip again, but Dean caught it with his thumb quickly this time.

“Guess I’m gonna have to get comfortable flying, huh?” He smirked before he pulled you close for a kiss.

As you both got out of the Impala, you walked slowly to your rental where he pulled you in once more. It was a kiss you wouldn’t forget, that was certain.

“Might as well sign up for a frequent flier program now,” you whispered with your eyes still closed.

“Does that get me an invite to the Mile High club, too?” He teased, a laugh escaped him as you poked his side.

“Only if I’m flying with you,” you half-teased back as you reached back to open the driver’s side door.

“I’ll fly every goddamn day if that’s what’s waiting for me,” he wiggled his eyebrows as you lowered the window and he leaned through on his forearms.

“Bye, Dean,” it came out in a breath as you pressed your lips to his once more.

“Bye, sweetheart. Call me when you get there,” it wasn’t a question.

“It’ll be like, six AM. You should be sleeping by then,” you said as you fastened your seatbelt.

“I won’t be able to sleep, trust me,” his lips pulled up in a small smile before he kissed you once more. He ran his hand down the side of your face and pulled away. “See you soon, Atlanta.”

“You better,” you called back as you took one last look at him before you put the car in drive.

“Drive safe,” you heard him call out, just as you eased on the gas.

The two hour drive hadn’t been as brutal as you expected. There wasn’t any traffic, and Dean ended up calling you thirty minutes in, just to check in.

He kept your mind alert by talking about anything and everything. What your family was like, if you had any siblings. You told him that you were an only child, but you felt like you had a sister in your best friend, Jen. He told you about his brother, and the pranks they’d pull on each other.

Before you knew it, you were already back in your hotel parking lot.

“I’m here, Dean,” you murmured as you disconnected your phone from Bluetooth and pulled the device to your ear.

“Good,” his voice was gruff—he could fib all he wanted, but you knew he was exhausted. “Thanks for coming all this way to see me. I really, really enjoyed tonight.”

Your cheeks rounded as you couldn’t fight the smile that came from his words. “Me too, Dean. Get some sleep. I’ll text you when I land.”

“Night, sweetheart,” and with that, you both hung up.

You knew Jen would be waking up right about now, so as you gathered your purse and climbed out of the car, you sent her a quick text.

You’ll never guess where I’ve been all night…

You fished out your hotel key and headed for the lobby. Just before you got on the elevator, your cell buzzed.

Jen All night?! Bitch, it’s 6am. Have you not slept?!

Before you could even type back, another came through.

Jen NO YOU DID NOT. Mysterious Dean?! Airplane man?? Who are you and what the hell did you do with my best friend? Tell me you at least got his last name before you did the deed.

The elevator dinged as you reached your floor. You typed back as you walked the short distance to your room.

Yes ma’am, I did. He’s amazing. He’s kind and funny and sexy and god, it had been way too long. I’m proud of myself ;)

As your door clicked open, you sighed. You’d have to leave shortly for the airport, but you had a few minutes to spare.

Jen Well good, I’m happy for you. But you should still Google him…just in case. You never know these days.

You didn’t feel like you needed to Google Dean, but at the same time, there was a sense of yearning to know all about him (and who didn’t have an online footprint?).

As you picked at your cuticle, you sat down in front of your laptop and opened up Chrome.

“Dean Winchester”, you typed and hit enter.

And as the page loaded, you did a double take. Then, a triple take.

Your heart plummeted into your stomach and you felt like you might actually vomit. There were so many headlines, but the top one was enough, paired with a mugshot that matched his face: Suspected Murderer, Dean Winchester, Found Deceased

A/N: SURPRISE! I've been bit by the writing bug and I couldn't help but post this early. Mostly because after this chapter, I don't feel right making you wait a week to see what happens next. Sorrrry for the cliffhanger. <3

Chapter 6 will be posted on Thursday!

Chapter 6 Preview:

Whiplash. It was the only way you knew how to describe going from having, what you would describe as the best night of your life, to spiraling down to the worst feeling you had ever felt.

Jen was the only person you knew to call—she knew you and knew how boring your life was (and how long it had been since you had even looked at a man, let alone sleep with one).

“This feels really, really dangerous,” you could tell by her tone that she really didn’t know what to say.

“No shit, Sherlock,” you wanted to cry but you couldn’t even get tears to fall. You had never been in shock before, but you assumed it might feel something like this. “What do I do? Call one of those police departments? The FBI? …Homeland Security?” The thoughts were racing.

“Take a breath,” you heard her take one at the same time, and you followed suit. “He didn’t hurt you, right? Force you to sleep with him?”

“God, no,” you plopped down on the uncomfortable mattress and rubbed your temple. “I practically threw myself at him. It was…” your mouth couldn’t say what you felt. It had been amazing, ‘best night of your life’ material. But you couldn’t say that now. Not after what you had read.

“Maybe the articles are wrong? Maybe there’s more to it than what you’re reading. Oh! Maybe he’s in the witness protection program?” She tried to rationalize. But you had already done that before you called her.

“He wouldn’t have used his old name, Jen,” your words were so soft, you weren’t sure if she heard them.

“Shit, you’re right,” she took a sip of her coffee. “Listen. Just go to the airport, block his number and fly home. We will work through this together. Don’t call anyone yet. This sounds like something you don’t want to get mixed up in, babe.”

You nodded at her words and felt the first wrench of emotion in the back of your throat. “I’m worried I already have.”

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serverusslaype · 7 months

Text

Shameless, pt. 7

snape x professor!reader fic

Shameless Masterpost

omg hi guys… this chapter was so long and hard to write (that’s what she said), I got stuck many times, but here it is!! It’s definitely not my favourite chapter so.. it was sort of a filler one, just to establish some information and plot sort of thing. The next chapter will be a little more interesting because we will be starting Prisoner of Azkaban woooo!!

Okay. So here is part 7, don’t kill me. It’s kinda long again, almost as long as part 5, if not longer!!

LETSAGOOO!!

The crack in your curtains caused a stream of bright, blinding sunlight to stir you awake; a raspy and throaty groan bubbling in your throat as the pounding pain of an alcohol-induced headache began to stab at your temples. Nothing better than a hangover, right?

Another strangled groan left your lips as you rolled over in your bed, your arm falling out from underneath the covers. As quick as lightning, you tucked it back in once the cool and chilly breeze began to nip at it. You cracked open your eyes, noticing that you'd left your window open during the night, and you'd hardly even bothered to draw your curtains properly. You slapped your hands against your face as you tried to wrack your brain for any indication as to how the hell you ended up like this. Gods, did you get blackout drunk? It certainly felt like it...

A stab of pain struck your chest as you remembered Snape ordering you to get out of his office late yesterday afternoon. You quickly skipped past that memory with a soft yet strained sigh and found yourself with Hagrid in a forest. Ah yes, you went to go see Buckbeak after bumping into the groundskeeper. You continued to think back, soon finding the culprit of your hangover. In your mind, you were currently sat in Hagrid's hut, your fingers wrapped tightly around a goblet of Elven wine.

Oh, yes, you thought, wincing slightly as the memory of the two of you drinking at least two, possibly three, bottles of it together. You unwillingly sat up in your very messy bed, your hair sticking out in all sorts of directions. You groaned again, squeezing your eyes shut as you slipped out of it and stumbled towards your window and braced yourself for a moment before ripping them open.

"Fuck!" You croaked out, stumbling back as the blinding light broke through. It was like someone had just chucked a flashbang grenade in your room. Your eyes burned and you felt like shoving your head down a very dark hole. Wait, what time was it?

Quickly throwing a glance to your right and checking the clock on your wall, you sighed in slight relief, noticing it was around ten in the morning. Perhaps it was time to go for a walk to clear your head - more to subside the throbbing that was currently attacking it.

Strolling down the corridors, you were rather keen to get outside and breathe in the fresh air; the thought of it made your body tingle. Considering it was Winter break now, you had opted to wear a casual, below-the-knee dress. It was a deep forest green, almost emerald. The sleeves reached your wrists and it had an elegant and square neckline that showed off your collarbones. The skirt was circular, so, if and when you twirled around, the skirt would flare outwards.

Nearing the corner, your eyes flicked to a darker, unlit corridor, a rush of unpinpointable dread suddenly surging through your body. You immediately stopped in your tracks at the uncomfortable feeling and turned towards it, narrowing your eyes. You couldn't figure out why your body had reacted so unusually to the darkened corridor. You stared for a few more moments before walking away, glancing at it confusedly as you passed by. It was probably just your hangover-induced anxiety making things up in your head.

As you rounded the corner that would take you to the stairs down to the ground floor, your eyes were immediately met with a dark, harrowing pair that you had come to adore - regretfully, might you add. You froze in your spot, unsure of what to do or say. It felt like someone had just cast Petrificus Totalus on your body. You swallowed harshly as Snape's eyes stared back at you, obviously in the same predicament. Neither of you said anything. In all honesty, you were too hungover to deal with this.

It felt like someone had stolen the air from Severus's lungs the moment he laid his eyes on your tired form. Seeing you dressed in such a beautiful, elegant emerald dress made it hard for him to breathe normally. Last night, when you tried to kiss him, that didn't make it any easier on him. It took all of his strength to step away from you. He wanted to kiss you, obviously, but he didn't want it to happen like that. Not that it could, anyway. With Snape's vast, traumatic and dangerous history, he couldn't put you in harms way because of his emotions. He wouldn't allow it. He couldn't bear to see you die, you didn't deserve that, and he didn't deserve you.

As another several seconds of silence passed, Snape seemed to ground himself. His posture straightened, and he resumed his dramatic walk to continue stepping past you. He pushed his distracting thoughts of you to the side of his mind, his eyes tearing away from you and staring straight ahead as if he hadn't just spent the past couple of seconds staring at you like you were the most beautiful being he'd ever laid his godforsaken eyes on. In fact, he acted like you were never there at all. As he passed right by you, your lips twitched and your eyes began to burn again. Gods, you hated how easily he could influence your emotions with a singular action. You stood still in your place, balling your fists in an act of silent rage, sucking in a shaky breath with a muffled sob; your teeth biting down unbearably hard on your bottom lip in a weak attempt to hide your cries.

You were suddenly wishing you'd never returned to Hogwarts, even though it was your lifelong dream the second you walked through those doors. The only thought on your mind right now was Hagrid, and even then you were doubtful his happy energy could cheer you up. You thought it was also rather selfish to come running to the man the second you were in tears. He wasn't your stuffed animal that you cried into each night. However, you could really do with his presence right now, so you pushed those thoughts aside, for now.

So, there you were, rushing off down the stairs; the clacking of your heels echoing throughout the stairwell like a choir singing in an empty cathedral. You found yourself running the second you reached the outside, your lungs burning from the way you were breathing so raggedly. The cold breeze had never felt so good against your skin, and you dared to say it felt more comforting than when Snape had taken your hand when you offered him a dance in his office two nights ago.

Tears were freely flowing down your cheeks now, your fingers flying up to wipe them away in an aggressive, careless fashion. Hagrid's hut was coming into view as you continued to run across the dull green grass, specks of wet mud and soil painting your shoes and ankles. As you reached the crookedly built hut, you slowed down and bent over with your hands on your knees, waiting for a moment to catch your breath. Perhaps some more exercise would do you good.

Suddenly, you heard the creaking of Hagrid's door opening. "Oh, 'ello, Y/N," Hagrid said happily, a surprised smile painting his face as he stared down at you. Though, he quickly noticed you weren't okay. "Are ya cryin' again?..." He questioned softly, noticing the way you slowly leant upwards, your eyes puffy and red once again. Hagrid looked at you with such sympathetic eyes that you were worried he was going to set you off crying again.

"No," you lied as your voice broke and went up an octave, your fingers rushing up to grab the bridge of your nose. "...Yes." A frustrated sigh left your lips.

"D'ya wanna talk abou' it?" Hagrid asked cautiously, his eyes searching you for an answer. You hesitated for moment, debating whether to pour your heart out to him - to tell him how much grief Severus Snape, of all people, was causing you. He wouldn't believe you for a second.

"Err, I don't think you'd believe me." You laughed dryly, your heart twisting into a conflicted knot as you thought about the raven-haired Potion Master.

"Try me." Hagrid tilted his head at you gently. You scrunched your nose up at him and swallowed. This was going to be a long and tiresome conversation.

That was the last day that you could remember running to Hagrid in tears, which was around a week ago now. You'd told him as much as you could without making yourself seem like a complete fool, however, you weren't exactly convinced - despite Hagrid's multiple promises - that he didn't view you as one now. Having feelings for the most emotionally inept, cold and ruthless wizard at Hogwarts was not an easy feat, and you wished things were different for you. Perhaps if you were a tough, brave Gryffindor or a sly, witty Slytherin, you'd be able to handle it. However, your little Hufflepuff heart was at the end of it's tether and Snape's nonchalant and cruel words were starting to chip away at the walls you'd built around it to protect it from even more harm.

You were a little late to dinner this evening, and so you didn't have much of a choice in seating. The last chair available was the one next to Snape, and you were incredibly tempted to just leave it for the night, however, your stomach was gurgling like a mad baby as you had skipped lunch earlier to catch up on some grading. You pursed your lips and silently cursed yourself for such a silly choice. Biting down on the bullet, you sucked in a deep breath. With one foot forwards, you began to pad towards the empty chair, placing your hand on the back of it to draw it outwards, purposefully creating an ear-piercing screeching noise to piss off Snape. It undoubtedly worked, as a whirl of petty pride settled in your bones as his head snapped up to look at you, his eyes piercing you with a deadly glare.

"Apologies," You said in a low tone, a hint of sarcasm in your voice. You sat yourself down, not bothering to look at him.

"Perhaps you should be sitting with the students," Snape said bitterly, glancing to the tables in front of you, "considering you're willing to act so childish." There was a bite at the end of his words, his voice spiked with irritation.

"I think you'd suit them better, Severus." You replied, gritting your teeth, still avoiding his eyes.

"You must be deluded to think that." He scoffed at you, his lips turning downwards into a cruel sneer.

"Going to tell me to leave again?" You bit back at him. Snape's head snapped towards you again. Clearly that comment got underneath his skin.

"Going to barge into my office again, when you were clearly unwanted and unwelcome?" Snape's lip twitched as he stared at you, his deep, cold voice penetrating you like a spear. It was your turn to be hurt. You felt your heart twist and your eyes burn at his words.

You let your eyes fall to your hands for a moment, wallowing in your hurt. You swallowed the growing lump in your throat, and spoke once more.

"I pity you." Was all you said, voice quiet and timid. In your head, you were trying to win the unwavering war against the tears forming in your eyes. Gods, you loathed how emotional you were sometimes. Wouldn't life be so much fucking easier if you were a sociopath? Psychopath, maybe? You suddenly found yourself envying the unfeeling and socially-detached dark witches and wizards that caused havoc amongst the wizarding world.

No, life would probably be easier if weren't so hung up on such a cold-blooded man.

"That is rather comical," Snape said, a sarcastic smile on his lips. "Do you remember that night I found you inebriated in the corridors?" You turned towards him, that familiar rush of butterflies exploding in your stomach as your eyes met his for the first time tonight. You hated and loved the feeling. It was like a drug to you, a highly illegal one at that.

You were quiet, a blush burning into your cheeks as you and Severus continued to stare into each other's eyes, silently playing a game of Chicken. Snape stared at you, scrutinising you. His taunting tone had caught your attention, and it scared you. Had you done something so stupid that night to force him into pretending like you didn't exist again?

"Of course you don't." He sneered at your lack of an answer, his unbrushed hair falling to the left a tad as he tilted his head at you in a condescending fashion. "Too busy indulging in your own selfish pleasures with that gigantic oaf that dwells with the creatures in the Forbidden Forest. Fitting, really, wouldn't you say?"

Your mouth fell open at the way he'd insulted Hagrid, and you really could not believe what you had just heard. "Excuse me?" You scoffed.

"Need I repeat myself?" Snape grunted, his fingers flying up to massage the bridge of his nose in irritation. Your brows furrowed in utter confusion and partial anger at him. You'd let him insult you, but insulting anyone else that you held dear to you was crossing the line.

"Why must you be so rude and horrible at times, Severus? You were so different in your office that night," you sighed exasperatedly, "You were a totally different person." You added quietly, your voice soft. Snape shut his eyes for a couple seconds, his brows slowly furrowing together, silently fending off his emotions that were dying to break through.

"That night was a mistake. You never should have come." Snape spat. Your eyes widened in shock at his words, and you could almost hear the crack that split your heart in two. Did he really just say that to your face? He really... felt that way? That night when the two of you crossed a line, he thought it was a mistake, something to forget about; to dismiss like it was nothing. How could he possibly think that? You saw the way he looked at you, and you had been sure that there was something more between the two of you. The way he held you so softly and tenderly had almost cemented it for you. And now he was saying it wasn't real.

"Don't say that." You clenched your jaw, biting back your emotions. "That night meant something to me, even if you told me to leave prematurely."

"That's a pity, then, Y/N, because it did not mean anything to me." Snape hissed at you. He was mocking you and his voice grew colder and more ruthless by the second. Something changed within him, and it was breaking your heart. The two of you had been fine before that night- fuck, was this your fault? Your chest tightened at his knife-like words and you felt like crying again.

"That's not true." You said softly, grasping at straws to keep your emotions in check.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Severus seethed. He looked furious now. His eyes were merciless, and the dent between his brows had deepened tremendously as he frowned at you. As you stared at him, you saw no flicker of a feeling nor emotion on his face. He was cold. Unmoving. Maybe he had just accepted your hand that night to appease you. Merlin, did he do that out of pity? Another wave of anger and embarrassment seeped into your balled fists.

You didn't reply, you didn't even want to give him the time of day after that conversation. That seemed to have settled it for you. Snape did not feel the same way as you did for him, and you needed to move on. You were only going to cause yourself more hurt if you didn't.

The first day of Spring at Hogwarts had finally sprung, and the grass had shifted from a dull green to a rather vibrant green. Beautiful shoots of pastel-coloured flowers began to appear along the pathways to and from the castle, painting the once dreary-looking area bright. As much as you thought the season of Winter could be beautiful at times, nothing compared to Spring. You adored the flowers that bloomed, and the influx of little insects and creatures that began to buzz busily around the fauna. On the way back to your classes, you'd found yourself bending down to sniff the greenery; a pleasant, soft floral fragrance filling your nose and heart with joy. If you hadn't been able to become a Herbologist, a Florist would have been your second choice for sure. Plants, flowers and anything herby made you happy.

Currently, you were hurrying yourself back to the greenhouse, and you were running a little late after having a pleasant conversation with Minerva in the hallway. You reached the greenhouse just in time, albeit a little out of breath after running to make up the time lost.

"Sorry I'm a little late," You announced to the class, panting and smiling a little apologetically. "How is everyone today?" You asked, standing in front of the table that you had fallen asleep on all those months ago whilst tending to the Mandrakes. Your stomach tied itself into an anxious knot as memories of you and Snape in his classroom brewing the Mandrake Restorative Draught began to replay like a broken record within your mind. It was a bittersweet feeling, and you were rather unhappy at the reaction your body was having to the thought of him.

A chorus of 'good' and 'okay' broke through the silence, and you nodded softly, your smile widening as you glanced at the students. "Lovely," you said, sighing, "So-"

"Professor, why is there a note from Professor Snape here?" Draco Malfoy voiced inquisitively, holding up a piece of parchment. As Draco spoke his name, your stomach dropped. The sunlight shone through it, revealing Severus's ridiculously neat handwriting, sending a knife through your heart. You clenched your jaw and paused for a moment. Why did he have to be everywhere you looked? Everything was tainted with him, and you hated it.

"Erm," You stumbled. Blinking rapidly, you walked over to where Draco was and took it from his pinched fingers, your eyes scanning over the piece of paper repeatedly.

'Y/N,

Keeping to my promise, I've left this note to let you know that I have kindly borrowed an ounce of aconite.

Severus.'

Your breathing hitched at the sight, and it suddenly felt like you could either faint, or scream; you could not tell. You didn't believe he would truly remember your request all that time ago, yet here you were, reading that exact thing. The two of you hadn't spoken much - barely, if anything - and you thought you'd healed from this fucking mess. Clearly, from your body's reaction, that was a delusional lie that you had wholeheartedly believed. Your fingers and toes were tingling with pins and needles and it was sending you into a frenzy.

"Professor?" Draco's curious, yet worried voice pulled you from your thoughts. You glanced up at the boy, a blank expression on your face.

"Yes?"

"What's Professor Snape doing leaving you little love notes?" He quipped teasingly, an amused glint twinkling in his blue eyes.

"Excuse me?" You said quietly, in complete disbelief that he had just uttered those words.

"Well, it seems a little perso-" You cut him off before he could finish.

"Detention, Malfoy," You interrupted him, physically unable to hear more about it. The whole class was now staring at you, and you could feel your heart start to beat faster once more; a sign of anxiety. This was very out of character for you, and they all knew it. Something wasn't right. "This evening."

Almost immediately, Draco scoffed at your announcement, clearly stating his disagreement with it. "What, why?!"

"Do not push me today, Mr Malfoy." You said sternly and Malfoy silenced himself, a little shocked at your unusual authoritative tone. You looked back down at the note in your hand, your eyes tracing over every letter that Snape had elegantly scribed. Some of the students had silently deduced that your change in persona was perhaps to do with Snape.

Gods, you could not believe this. Who does he think he is to suddenly start leaving notes? Why is he doing this now? You didn't need this, you didn't want this anymore, and yet he had dug up your feelings once more like a dead body at the graveyard. All those weeks thinking you were done feeling something for him was a lie.

You angrily shoved the note in a drawer to your left and sighed heavily, walking back to the head of the table. A look of shock had found itself on the faces of your class, and you instantly felt guilty. The thought of paying the Bat a visit slipped into your head, and it twisted your guts. You'd only tell him it wasn't necessary anymore to leave notes, but you were so persistent before about it, you'd only make yourself look like a weak fool, and that was one thing you were not going to do in front of Snape.

"I apologise, I'm just having a bad day." You mumbled, closing your eyes for a moment to recoup your brain. "If we could all just... behave well today, I'd really appreciate it. I'll even take back your detention, Mr Malfoy." You added, glancing at the platinum-haired boy. His eyes lit up at the sound of losing his detention you'd angrily assigned him.

"Alright, let's begin, shall we? You'll be learning about Fluxweed and it's properties and uses."

As time went on, more and more notes began to appear in your greenhouse. You and Snape hadn't spoken since that late Winter evening in the Great Hall when you were late to dinner. He'd clearly shown what he thought of you, so, you were completely confused as to why he was putting in the effort to leave all of these notes. If he hated you so much, wouldn't he just not tell you he'd taken things to further piss you off? You felt like he was doing it on purpose to torment you.

You'd let his notes pile up and gather dust in your drawer, some of them crumpled up when you'd lost your temper and broken down in tears in your greenhouse, upset and heartbroken by the tainted relationship you had with Snape. You wished things were not as they were. Gods, the pain that seared through you each time you locked eyes with the man was unbearable. Be it in the hallways, the corridors, or the Great Hall across the dining table, he'd truly broken you, whether it was intentional or unintentional. You were ruined.

Were you really that fucked up in the head that a man like him was the only man you desired so badly? Why couldn't you just move on from him? You'd begged and prayed to the gods above, day and night, to free you from his chains, but they didn't listen. Each long and tearful night, you wondered what you did to deserve this suffering. There was nothing quite fucking worse than unrequited love.

The thought of going to tell Snape to stop sending the notes and just to take what he wanted without telling you circled around in your mind almost twenty-four-seven hours a day. Each time you were about to do it, you'd back out. You couldn't backtrack like that, you dreaded the thought of him thinking you weak; that was one thing you would not do.

All verbal communication that was considered chit chat or small talk between you and Snape had ceased to exist by the time Summer rolled around. You had to distance yourself from him if you wanted to move on. You were hurting. Terribly. All you wanted to do was talk to him, or even just be around him, but it wasn't fair on you, let alone the fact that he probably didn't even want to talk to you anyway - the last words he spoke to you said it all. The only thing left that could be considered 'communication' between you two was the notes he'd scribble down each time he visited your greenhouse, and each time you found them, you found yourself numb to the pain that pricked at your skin each time your eyes skimmed over his stupidly perfect handwriting.

Not completely numb, but numb enough.

Tonight was the last night at Hogwarts until September. On one hand, you couldn't wait to leave and be free of your grief for a month and a half, and on the other hand, you were dreading it. Part of you was screaming at you to stay and fix things with Snape, and the other part was crying to you, telling you that you had to leave, and that it was true he felt nothing for you. You thought back to the beginning of the year when things weren't tainted and completely fucked. It was heart-wrenching to reminisce on those days. It almost brought you to tears thinking about the time you and Snape had got along during the Duelling Club, when he was almost beaming with pride after watching you dominate Lockhart. From then on, he was hooked with you, but you'd never know that.

For Snape, he was dreading the Summer without seeing you. He'd absolutely fucking hated the past few months. The only thing that kept him going through until the end of the year was seeing glimpses of you around the castle. If he was honest with himself, he deeply regretted kicking you out of his office that night. That was when it all went to shit. He'd fallen victim to his fear again, choosing the selfish, easy way out. Perhaps he'd be happy with you right at this current moment if he just let you stay. Perhaps he'd be kissing you right now, holding you impossibly close to his body, embracing you and breathing in your addicting scent. Perhaps the two of you would even be spending the Summer break together.

Merlin, how did he fuck up this bad? It was too late to take anything back now, that's what he thought, at least. He'd deemed your relationship dead, unrevivable. He'd truly messed up.

"At last, the school year has come to an end," Dumbledore's old, wise voice boomed through the Great Hall as he stood at his golden Owl Lecturn. All of the students and staff were listening intently. However, you found yourself looking at someone entirely different. "This year has been challenging for all, and I hope we can all take some well-learned lessons home with us for the Summer, to come back refreshed and ready for the next year here at Hogwarts." Was the last thing Dumbledore said before you zoned out into a daydream.

Your eyes were glued to Severus, lingering on his features that you'd grown to adore and loathe. You hated him at this current moment, but Merlin, you couldn't deny how handsome he was. The way his dark, black shoulder-length hair framed his long and pale face was like an art piece. You let your eyes travel down to his shoulders, your mind growing hazy and distracted as you began to think how it'd feel to touch him again, your fingers running through his hair as he pressed his lips against your neck, his hot breath tickling your sensitive and bare skin. You'd have your chest pressed flush against his as he worshipped your body with precise skill, working it like he'd known it for a thousand years.

On the other hand, you wanted to scream at him, curse him for the rest of his life, just for the cruel way he'd treated you during this year at Hogwarts.

Your provocative fantasy came to a crashing halt when Hagrid leant down to whisper in your ear.

"Yer starin', Y/N." He mumbled awkwardly, eyes still attached to Dumbledore. You blushed furiously, slightly embarrassed that Hagrid, of all people, had caught you mentally undressing and eye-fucking Snape. He was the one you had confided in the past months, so he knew how you felt about Severus - every single emotion.

Apart from one.

"Oh," You cleared your throat, reluctantly tearing your eyes away from the Potions Master. Deep down, you were unsure you'd ever fully move on from Severus, it just didn't feel... right.

"Thought ya hated 'im." Hagrid mumbled again, a hint of teasing in his tone, but he kept his voice low as Dumbledore spoke.

"I... it's complicated." You sighed quietly, taking a risk and glancing at Severus again. Your heart dropped slightly when he wasn't looking back at you. You shouldn't be surprised, nor disappointed. "I just can't wait to get out of here for the Summer."

And just like that, Dumbledore announced the end of the year. You couldn't help but smile the moment the Victorian house came into view as you Apparated from Hogsmeade to Windsor. Being back home at your humble abode in Berkshire sent a feeling of relief and peace through you. It almost felt like the past year's travesties hadn't even happened. When not teaching, you lived in a quaint cottage in the Windsor countryside. It was set down a quiet lane, overlooking the historic and iconic Windsor castle in the distance; a field of horses and summer flowers sat opposite it. It was rather dreamy, and you were incredibly thankful to your late grandmother for leaving it to you in her will. The house was built with red bricks, adorned with a pretty, white trim set around the triangular rooves. Vibrant green fauna decorated the edges of the large windows, almost framing it like a photograph.

Your favourite part of the house was the garden. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't small and it was perfect for just you. Bushes upon bushes of roses and lilies lined the edges, and your heart warmed at the sight of the bees buzzing around them all. With a strained sigh, you walked into the cottage, the familiar smell of candles and fresh lilies hitting your nose. It was a refreshing change from the usual dusty and musky smell of Hogwarts.

As you walked into your living room and dining room, you couldn't help but feel a little pang of sadness shoot through your chest. You'd imagined yourself here with Severus a couple of times, eating breakfast early in the morning, watching the sunrise as it gently woke the world up with it's warm, amber rays. And suddenly, all over again, you were a mess. You let yourself cry. You didn't hold them back, nor bottle them up. The fear of being caught had disappeared. You were alone.

As the tears rolled down your cheeks, your body began to feel hot; anger and frustration bubbling within your chest. Everything that you'd held to yourself at work was starting to crumble and fall, collapsing all around you like ash. Your eyes burned like a fire in a furnace as you squeezed them so tightly shut, silently begging for this pain to be over. You balled your fists, your nails leaving a painful imprint on your palms as you released them with a strangled gasp, your sobs becoming uncontrollable as your mind began to torture you with the memories of the past year.

'Have you no brain?' Taunted Snape, his lips curling into a disapproving sneer. You remember the way your heart beat pounded relentlessly as he leaned in towards you, his squinting eyes piercing you like a needle into a balloon.

'You are still that silly girl who did not think before she spoke.' He'd chastised, sending you into a small fit of rage.

'Lockhart came to me,' You'd said after he accused you of being nosy in other people's problems. 'Poor choice, clearly.' He'd replied bitterly, glaring down at you.

'Severus, you may call me Severus.' He said calmly, earning a surprised frown from you. The moment you broke through to him, and he'd finally accepted you as a colleague - nothing more, nothing less.

'Nicely done.' He'd muttered to you, his face proud but muted, as you'd defeated Lockhart in a duel. You were sure there was something else lingering in those eyes that day, but you could never put your finger on it.

'I wasn't the best student for you,' you'd laughed softly in his classroom, stirring the Mandrake Draught. 'No, but you weren't the worst.' Snape had replied with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

'Don't believe anything that gloomy bat says,' Madam Pomfrey's stern voice suddenly echoed in your mind.

You were thinking back to the moment you had caught Severus's eyes in the Great Hall when Dumbledore was acknowledging your tremendous help with the Mandrake Restorative Draught. He was gazing at you proudly, a small yet hesitant smile upon his lips.

Then, your most cherished memory with Snape flooded your mind. You felt more tears begin to pour from your puffy, reddened eyes as you reminisced in your living room.

'Dance with me?' You'd asked quietly amongst the hammering of your nervous heart, as the slow and melancholic rock song played softly in the background, holding out your hand for Snape to take a hold of. He'd taken your soft hand in his cold, calloused one, and you pulled him slowly to the middle of the room. You remembered how nervous yet happy you were, the way your eyes sparkled with silent joy as you stared up at Severus, his other hand settling safely on your waist. The two of you relished in each other's company, swaying slowly, side to side, gradually breaking down the highly impenetrable guard that he'd had up.

It broke your heart all over again, as his harsh, sudden words pierced your ears.

'Get out.' Snape had ordered, taking you by surprise.

You had been so close. So close to finally breaking into his walls, and at the last moment, he'd built them all up again, double the defences.

Tomorrow was a new day, and you'd deemed it a good time to take your mind off of everything. You needed to get out of your house. It was sending you into a fucking frenzy. So, you chose to Apparate to London - more specifically The Leaky Cauldron. Okay, it was a terrible idea, but you just needed to see other people - people you didn't know, and people that... Severus didn't know.

So here you were, standing outside of the pub, hesitant on entering. You were getting cold feet. Maybe you should just go to Diagon Alley instead, and browse the pretty shops filled with artifacts, wands, fresh smelling books and magical sweets. In all honesty, that sounded more enthralling than sitting in a dim pub, nursing a mug of whiskey.

As you were about to turn on your heel and head to Diagon Alley, a weirdly familiar voice called your name.

"Y/N?" You frowned, your head turning slightly to find the source. It was a man for sure, and it was ridiculously familiar. Shit, where have you heard that voice before? "Y/N L/N?"

You spun on your heels, your eyes almost popping out of your head as no one other than Benjamin fucking Bluewater stood in front of you. He wasn't that weaselly, little nuisance anymore. No, no, he'd grown. And grown like hell he had. He stood at least six feet tall, a five o'clock shadow peppering his rather well-defined jawline and mouth. His dark hair was no longer styled in an embarrassing bowl-cut, it was thick and pushed back, accentuating his strong forehead, and prominent cheekbones. You found yourself blushing whilst looking at him.

"Holy shit, Benjamin Bluewater?" You gasped, shaking your head lightly at him in disbelief. A million-dollar grin broke out on his face. Good lord, you thought, he'd really changed...

"The one and only." Bluewater chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets bashfully.

"You look... great." You were speechless. This could not be happening. Your heart was pounding so fast that you genuinely could not comprehend anything. Merlin, were you dreaming?

"As do you, Y/N." He grinned at you again, sending goosebumps up your arms. His eyes flicked from yours to the Leaky Cauldron behind you, and he gestured towards the pub with a nod. "It's been a long time, would you like to, err, grab a drink or something? It'd be nice to catch up." Benjamin smiled politely at you. Shit, what the hell, why the hell not? Fuck it.

"I'd love to." You returned his smile, shrugging your shoulders gently. Benjamin's smile grew into a grin as he placed a gentlemanly hand on the small of your back, guiding you into the pub.

"So, what's new with you, then?" Benjamin asked, his eyes flicking over your reddening face. You swallowed nervously, laughing.

"Erm, well, I'm working at Hogwarts as a professor." You replied nonchalantly as the two of you strolled to the bar area.

"Are the professors that taught us still there?" He asked curiously, showing genuine interest in what you were saying. It was nice for once. Severus was so scarce with that.

"Yes," You laughed lightly, though you winced slightly at Snape passed through your mind. "McGonagall, Flitwick, Dumbledore, Hagrid... all of them are still there." You avoided his name.

"Is that grumpy git Snape still there?" Bluewater questioned, his face twisting into a expression of distaste as he glanced at the barkeep. A small ripple of sadness washed over you, you knew Snape wasn't a favourite with the students, but he wasn't exactly a bad... no, no, he was a terrible person, you corrected yourself. We are no doing that right now.

"Yeah." You nodded, pursing your lips.

"He was a bastard, always had it out for me." Benjamin tutted. You winced a little at his words. You might have a tainted relationship with Snape, but you still cared deeply for him, and it hurt you when people spoke badly about him, no matter what he did.

"Well, I doubt your pranks did you any good." You quipped playfully, trying to lighten the mood. A mischievous grin spread across Benjamin's sculpted face. You felt your knees tingle.

"I was an arsehole in school, I'll admit that. I don't know how I survived Hogwarts, honestly." A hearty laugh left Benjamin's lips. "I bet it's a pain working with that schmuck." He added bitterly, ordering two bottles of cider for the two of you.

"Yeah," You laughed awkwardly, glancing away for a moment, tears pricking your eyes a tad. You hated how your heart ached at the way Benjamin insulted Severus. "He's... well, he's Snape, you know what he's like." You finished quickly, desperate to change the subject. "What are you up to now? Something fancy surely?"

"I wouldn't say fancy, I just work at the Ministry." Bluewater shrugged nonchalantly, taking a swig of his cider as he handed you the other bottle. "I'm the Junior Undersecretary." He said, staring at you, almost like he was waiting for a reaction. Your eyebrows raised a little at how casually he admitted that.

"Oh, really? Wow, that's... wow, I really did not expect that." You said honestly, a little shocked at his confession.

"You didn't expect that?" He repeated, laughing, taking another swig.

"Well, no, not after how you were in school, Benjamin!" You scoffed, grinning.

"Ben," he corrected you, smiling, "Benjamin is too formal. Feels like I'm talking to my mother." Another laugh left your lips. Well, his charming and comedic personality certainly hadn't changed, that was for sure.

"Alright, Ben," You smiled coyly, eyeing the small peek of skin poking out from his unbuttoned shirt. You flicked your eyes back up to him, and he tilted his head at you. "Being the Junior Undersecretary, does that mean you've met the Minister for Magic?"

"Only a couple times."

"What's he like?" You asked, sipping on your cider, prompting Ben to lean in towards you. Your breath hitched slightly at the sudden close proximity.

"Between you and me, a bit of a delusional man." He whispered, his brown eyes gazing a little too deep into yours. For a split second, you were transported back to the times you and Severus were at each other's throats in the corridors of Hogwarts. You cheeks flushed at the thought, and you quickly pushed it to the side, your body stiffening.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, the man's bound to go insane any day now, really. Think the job's taking a toll on him." Ben said, his eyes glancing around the pub, observing the hustle and bustle.

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised," You frowned. "That's a hell of a job."

"I'm sure it's nothing compared to being a professor at Hogwarts though?" Ben teased, making you roll your eyes.

"Very funny," You smiled, averting your eyes from him for a moment. "I mean, it's hard, but not impossibly hard. The grading takes a toll sometimes, but the rest of the time it's quite rewarding. Seeing your students learning from you, it feels like you've achieved something."

"Let me guess, Herbology?" He cocked a brow at you, another similar gesture that Severus did. Can he leave your mind for one day? Fuck.

"How did you guess?" You replied sarcastically, smiling.

"I don't know, but if my memory serves me well, you were rather gifted at the subject," Ben admitted, playing along with you. Your smile widened at his compliment. "And let's not forget that you were obsessed with all sorts of flowers, plants and herbs, carrying them with you everywhere you went!"

"Oh, gods, yeah..." Your cheeks reddened at the thought, slightly embarrassed at your younger antics. "At least I didn't go around planting stink bombs amongst other things in classrooms."

"At least I wasn't a Herbology nerd." Ben quipped playfully, inducing a gasp from you.

The two of you spoke for hours in the pub, until it reached around six in the evening. You'd totally lost track of time.

"It was lovely seeing you again, Ben." You smiled up at your old classmate, your eyes flicking between his blue ones. As much as he was attractive, you weren't sure there was a spark there, not like the one you'd felt with Severus.

"Likewise, Y/N," Ben replied, grinning handsomely at you. "Erm, do you think you'd like to see me again? Perhaps on... Friday? Seven o'clock?"

"Are you asking me out?" You chuckled incredulously, in slight disbelief. Ben's grin brightened as he stared down at you. Surely Benjamin 'the menace' Bluewater wasn't asking you out.

"Yeah, if that's okay. I'd always thought you were rather sweet." He said casually, making your cheeks burn. "I suppose it helps that you're absolutely stunning, too. Always a bonus."

"Aren't you a flirt?" You laughed lightly, considering his offer. You pondered for a moment. Maybe it'd be good to go on this date, maybe you'd see something in him. Maybe it would help with your whole... Snape situation. Maybe you'd actually heal. So you accepted it. "Sure, I'd like that. Send me an owl." You smiled softly up at him.

"Your address?"

"If it's meant to be, it'll find me." You grinned cheekily.

"Ahh, I see how it is!" Ben returned your grin, his cheeks a little merry and red from the alcohol the two of you'd consumed. You hummed flirtatiously in reply. "Well, it was a pleasure, Y/N. See you on Friday." He said, confidence clear in his tone. You cocked a challenging brow at him.

"Oh really?"

"Really." Ben nodded. He reached down and took your hand gently, pressing a soft kiss upon your knuckles to bid you goodnight; prompting your cheeks to pinken once more tonight. "Goodnight, Y/N." He let go of your hand, a soft laugh erupting from your lips.

"Goodnight, Ben." You smiled at him, watching him turn and walk away, disappearing into the night.

You weren't sure about this, but it felt good to have your mind on things - or someone other than Severus.

Part 8!

okkkk I hope you guys don’t kill me for the last part, ooooo. I thought it might be fun… ehehe

Thank you for reading, let me know what you think!! I can’t wait to start the next part, I’m so excited!! My brain is buzzing with ideas for Prisoner of Azkaban 😎 love you guys. don’t forget to sleep and eat 🖤

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targaryenmarvel · 15 days

Text

Fallin' All In You (Part 5) - Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Summary: You’ve known Wanda Maximoff since you were children. She was the shy and exceptionally beautiful twin sister of your best friend, Pietro. For the most part, you two never interacted, but that changes when against your better judgment, you begin to develop feelings for the girl.

Warnings: Only cursing for now

Note: It took me a while to finish this chapter, but here we are. This story was originally going to end in the last chapter, but I decided to extend it and add two more as I felt there was more to tell. If there are any requests, I can continue with the drabbles while I work on my next story. Anyways, enjoy!

Word count: 3,073

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

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After your exhilarating day, you rested in bed, grinning at the ceiling like a love-sick fool. The day's events weighed heavy on your mind, the memories making you giddy with excitement and happiness.

You thought of the softness of Wanda's lips and her agile tongue against your own, fighting for dominance. She had ultimately won, rendering you into a whimpering mess in her arms. You had skipped a few steps, but neither of you was complaining. The date would come soon.

Although you shared sweet and tender moments, a question lay heavily over your heads. What were you going to do about Pietro? You had been prepared to confess your feelings for his sister to him earlier. Yet now you weren't so sure on how to proceed. Too entrapped in Wanda's kisses and embrace, you had forgotten to breach the subject. A problem for later, you thought as Wanda sent you a message.

Wanda: Can't wait for our date ❤︎

It wasn't until days later your dread came to a peak. You sat on Pietro's bed with the boy at your side. The both of you clicked away at your controllers, guiding the movement of the figures on the television screen. You were playing the latest FIFA game. Pietro masterfully passed the ball around while you lagged, distracted by your thoughts.

Guilt racked through your body, forbearing your relationship with Wanda from your friend finally taking a toll. You were ready to proclaim your feelings, but Wanda seemed reluctant. You recalled your conversation with the girl from the day before.

You found yourself freshening up after another game. Your teammates were long gone, and you always seemed to be the last to leave. You were pulling on a clean shirt when you felt a presence behind you.

"Almost done, Nat," you half-mindedly say, thinking it's Natasha there to scold you for lingering too long.

"Hey," a much sweeter voice called, causing you to turn hastily.

"Hey," you repeated, grinning at the girl.

"Your team was great."

You playfully scoffed, clutching your chest. "Wow, what about me? No compliment for me? Is this about my gigantic ego?"

Wanda chuckled, slowly walking closer like a predator to its prey. "I will admit I'm mildly impressed by the fact you've scored until now."

"Do I get a reward?" you ask as she's inches away from your face.

Wanda rested her hands on your chest, nose brushing against your own. "I don't know. What do you want?"

You couldn't resist any longer as you closed the distance, eagerly taking her lips in your own. Gentle hands pulled you closer by your shoulder as you rested your own on her waist. The kiss was slow, filled with pent-up mutual desire.

You were ready to deepen the kiss when Wanda's phone buzzed, startling you, and you broke away.

"Sorry," Wanda said, checking her phone. "It's Pietro wondering where I am. I should head back. You coming?"

"Yeah," you answered, grabbing your bag as a frown adorned your features. Guilt had replaced the joy from moments ago. Wanda, of course, noticed your change in mood.

"What's wrong?" You took your hand comfortingly.

"Nothing." She tilted her head, nonbelieving, and you felt your stomach flip. You sighed, resigned, "It's just Pietro. What are we going tell him?"

Wanda froze like a deer caught in headlights, startled by your question. Although she, too, had thought of how to proceed with her brother, her thoughts on the subject were much different.

While Wanda stood there tongue-tied, you took her reaction as doubt, prompting you to ask, "Do we tell him?"

"No!" she said too quickly, and you felt her comforting touch turn into scolding fire. You released her hand, and Wanda realized her mistake. "Y/N, no. It's not like that. I promise I want to tell him I do, but you two are best friends, and I would hate to mess up your relationship. I'm just asking for time."

"Time?"

"Yes, to ensure that what we have is real and will work."

You wanted to tell her you had never been more sure about anything. That you would face the world if she were by your side. Your lips kept sealed, locking away your declarations, scared by the feelings of devotion.

"What's wrong with you today? Pietro's voice pulled you back to Earth as he continued to attack your team without mercy. "You're distracted."

"It's nothing," you answered, flashing back to your conversation with Wanda. You understood her logic for waiting; you did. However, it didn't stop you from hating the idea of keeping Pietro oblivious. You felt like a traitor, a fake friend, for keeping your relationship a secret from him.

"Is it a girl?" he asked out of the blue, and you jolted in his direction, nearly dropping your controller.

You paled. "Wha—why would you think that?"

"A guess." He shrugged with a grin. "By the look of it, I hit the jackpot. You're having girl troubles, huh? Tell me about her."

"It's complicated." He rolled his eyes and huffed at the lack of information. She wants to keep it a secret for now."

"Are you okay with that?" You nodded slowly with uncertainty. "That's not reassuring," Pietro commented.

You dropped flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling and contemplating your next word. "I think she's scared of what could happen if things ended badly. I get it and am willing to wait."

"Alright then, I won't pry. Just know I'm here for you if you want to tell me about her," Pietro said knowingly but then smiled wickedly. "Hey, as long as it's not my sister, you do you. You paled, mortified by his words, and Pietro burst out laughing. "We'd be like divorced parents having to share custody of you. Spending one week with her and one with me. Not to mention, she'd probably turn you into a nerd like her."

At the sound of his words, the heavy sensation settling on your chest lessened until it nearly disappeared. It was all a joke, you thought, relieved.

Pietro threw down his controller on the bed. "I'm tired of kicking your ass. Let's do something else."

"What do you have in mind?" you asked, following him out of his room and casting a spare glance at Wanda's vacant room—the girl on an outing with her friends.

Pietro responded with a smirk, causing a surge of concern to well up within you. You knew you were in for a crazy night.

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You won't lie; planning a date was probably the most complicated task you have ever done. Your lack of romantic experience left you spiraling for ideas. After much research, you decided to take Wanda to the fair in a neighboring town. Food, games, prizes, a kiss at the top of the Ferris wheel. The perfect plan.

Putting your plan into action was even easier by Pietro's absence from the Maximoff residence. The boy had left for Crystal's for the day.

As you parked in front of the residence, the younger Maximoff crossed the front door and entered your vision. The sight hit you like a punch in the gut, leaving you breathless and tongue-tied. You approached the girl, wonderstruck by her godly figure, intensified by the encompassing sunlight.

"You look beautiful," you whispered reverently, pulling her waist towards you and disregarding any onlookers.

Wanda flushed at your compliment, hiding her scarlet face in your neck and denying you the warming sight. The only indication of her embarrassment is a muffled "Shut up."

You chuckled, drawing away. "Are you ready?" She nodded, and you pulled her to your car, ready to commence the 40-minute journey.

The two of you stood still, hands tied, taking in the various stalls. Farther up ahead lay the mechanical rides, though you wanted to leave those for later as Wanda pulled you toward a shooting game. Knowing full well that most games were rigged, you followed Wanda like a puppy to the different game stalls. You won a few minor prizes on some games, while Wanda's were usually better. The girl teased you, gloating at her skill in the games, and you playfully rolled your eyes.

You rebounded playing skee ball, a game you loved at the arcade. You started by positioning yourself into a balanced stance, one foot in front of the other and slightly bending your knees. You pulled your arm back and swung from the shoulder, aiming for the 40-point pocket. You watched the ball roll with anticipation, cursing when it flew the mark falling into the 10-point slot.

Wanda attentively watched as you repositioned yourself for the next throw, heart fluttering at how you cutely scrunched your eyebrows wholly concentrated.

You tested your throw, trying to get a feel for the ball, and then repeated your actions with adjustments to the toss. This time, the ball landed precisely on the mark. By the end of your nine throws, you had garnered 370 points. You smirked at an impressed Wanda before turning to choose your prize: a stuffed teddy bear you needed to carry with both arms.

"Oh, how cute. I wonder if you'll sleep cuddled with it," Wanda teased lightheartedly. You hummed, getting closer to her, heart beating frantically at her cuteness.

"Actually, it's a gift for you," you said, offering the bear to her. Wanda stood there at a loss for words, glancing between you and the teddy bear. She mindlessly accepted the bear, gasping for words. Just like she hadn't been gifted flowers, neither had she been given such a gift. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, enchanted by your thoughtful gestures.

"I-I thank you!" she responded, hugging the bear to her chest.

"I hope you think of me when you cuddle it at night," you half-joked, internally wishing she did. Wanda turned red, and it only intensified when you gripped her chin, placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

You did give her time to react as you eagerly pulled her to the bumper cars. The air echoed with screams of delight as you chased after each other. It's a game of tag of a sort, except with small, electrically powered cars. By the end of your little game, Wanda again rubbed her victory in your face. She was completely unaware that you had intentionally allowed her to win, finding joy in how her eyes would crinkle with happiness every time she emerged victorious.

After riding the carousel and indulging in a few other thrilling rides, the two of you made your way to the food court, famished after all the exhilaration. You both settled down at a weathered wooden picnic table, the sun filtering through the leaves of the trees overhead. Between you lay two cheeseburgers with fries and your respective drinks, a Coke and a pink lemonade. You gazed longingly at Wanda's refreshing pink lemonade, wishing you had ordered one.

Of course, Wanda noticed your stare and pushed her drink towards you, offering without saying a word. You hesitated, unsure whether to drink from the straw or remove the lid.

Wanda rolled her eyes, tentatively poking your lips with the straw. "Oh, come on. Don't act like you haven't had your tongue shoved down my throat."

You flushed at her bluntness, which became more frequent the longer you hung out together. You saw less and less of that shy girl who would stumble with her words or flee in your presence. The developing intimacy revealed a new Wanda that made you fall deeper.

You squirmed under her burning gaze but drank. It wasn't intentional the sensual way you wrapped your lips around the straw, keeping eye contact with her. You swear it wasn't, yet you could feel the air change around you, filling with tension as Wanda's attention shifted to your lips.

You leaned back, bringing the drink away from your lips with a soft pop. As you did, you ran your tongue over your lips, removing the lemonade remnants and intentionally provoking Wanda.

Wanda's stomach turned, heat creeping out through her body, warming her fingers and toes as desire overtook her body.

The world seemed to stop, and reality faded into the background. All that mattered was the girl in front. As her gaze shifted back and forth between your lips and eyes, you found yourself doing the same, caught in a moment of shared anticipation.

The screams of a young boy, trashing around in his mother's hold, cut through the stare down before you could lean over. You looked around, embarrassed, wanting to see if anyone had noticed, and were relieved to see that no one paid you any mind. If they had, you helplessly hoped they thought you were in an intense staring competition.

Feeling safe from prying eyes, you finally reveled in the embarrassment, cringing at the thought of kissing the girl while leaning over the wooden table. Wanda fidgeted with her hands, suddenly very interested in the chipped wooden table. As you looked back at her, you could tell she was thinking the same thing. But then she met your eyes, mortification evident in her viridescent eyes.

The palpable awkwardness of the situation slowly dissipated, replaced by a shared moment of pure hilarity, as the corner of your mouth twitched, causing both of you to burst into uncontrollable laughter. Wanda took a fry, hitting you in the middle of your forehead.

You gasped, falsely offended, as you rubbed your forehead. "Oh, it's on Maximoff," you declared, hurling your fry toward her. Wanda ungracefully swayed to the side, narrowly avoiding the thrown object as it lodged in her hair.

She delicately picked at the piece of food, eyes wide and mouth slightly open in surprise. Wanda then tilted her head to the side in a way that made your stomach flutter and said, "Bring it, L/N."

On ensued a food fight that earned you a few dirty looks from bypassers. It only stopped when Wanda took a handful of fries, breaking the unspoken rule of only throwing one fry at a time. You raised your arms and yelled, "Truce!" You slowly lowered one hand, and Wanda jerked her arm in response, observing you. Yet you only took the white napkin and flung it side to side. "I surender."

Wanda brought her hand down, placed the food back on her plate, and turned her lips upward in victory. The remainder of the meal was filled with cheerful and easygoing conversation.

After, you both settled on strolling through the farm zoo, wanting to give your stomachs a break from rides. You'd rather avoid hurling your meal, a hard lesson learned after riding zero gravity minutes after stuffing yourself with elephant ears. It wasn't fun.

Hand in hand, you and Wanda trekked to the various pens containing goats, sheep, pigs, bunnies, chickens, and more. You watched as Wanda adorably fawned over the bunnies, clinging to your arm and pointing at a black and white one.

As the sun set, you made your final rounds to some stalls and rides, even riding the mechanical bull at Wanda's insistence. Let's just say it ended with Wanda hunched in laughter and some blackmail material stored on her phone.

You saved the Ferris wheel for last, knowing night would only make it that more romantic. It seemed your luck couldn't get better, as the Ferris wheel stopped just as you reached its peak, towering over everything and everyone. The scene was nothing short of perfection. The full moon hung low in the sky, casting its gentle glow over the tranquil forest in the distance—a mesmerizing and enchanting picture.

"It's so beautiful," Wanda chimed.

"Yeah," you agreed, looking at her. As the silvery moonlight cascaded over her delicate features, it accentuated her innate, captivating beauty, adding a touch of ethereal allure to her presence.

You didn't feel ashamed when Wanda turned and caught you staring. The tension from earlier returned with a brutal force, knocking the air out of your lungs. The two of you leaned in, air crackling with anticipation. Your lips met in a slow, passionate kiss as warmth rushed through your bodies.

As the kiss intensified, you gently traced your tongue over Wanda's parted lips, silently requesting permission to deepen the kiss. It wasn't until your lungs ached for air that you stopped, gasping to catch your breath as you rested your forehead against hers.

"Thank you for making today wonderful," Wanda whispered, still breathless.

You gently stroked her cheek with your thumb. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

The anticipation and nerves leading up to the date had been overwhelming. But now, as the day unfolded smoothly, you can't help but marvel at how everything had fallen into place. All your nerves seemed absurd after you kissed the girl at the top of the Ferris wheel. "Honestly, I was spiraling over today. I had no idea how to woo you or plan a date," you confessed.

"How to woo me?" Wanda chuckled. "Well, you've done a wonderful job of wooing me, so don't worry. I've never had such a great date."

Given that her previous date had been with that jerk, Jarvis, there was no doubt in your mind about it. Yet you still questioned, "Not with Jarvis?"

Wanda flashed a smile and rolled her eyes. "No, definitely not with Jarvis." she replied."

"Good," you whispered, your fingers gently tugging at her neck to draw her closer to you. As your lips met, the kiss was tender and brief, filled with warmth and affection.

After the kiss ended, Wanda leaned in and rested her head gently on your shoulder. Gazing out at the scenery, a look of contentment washed over her face.

As the two of you dismounted from the ride, you instinctively reached for each other's hands and couldn't help but giggle with joy. It felt like the rest of the world faded away at that moment, leaving just the two of you in your bubble of happiness. For a second, at least, because in the next, it was ripped away like candy from a child.

"Wanda? Y/N?" The moment's tranquility was abruptly shattered by the unexpected call of a voice, jolting you out of your reverie and forcing you back into reality.

Dread filled your body, and next to you, Wanda tensed, crushing your hand. Yet you didn't pull away, too stunned by the sight before you. There, as shell-shocked as you stood, Pietro and Crystal.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Taglist: @alexawynters

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda x reader #wanda x you #targaryenmarvel fics

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starberry-cupcake · 18 days

Text

I have made up from last time that was about only one chapter, this time we have 5 in a row. We finished act one, fam!

previously, in harrowbean the ninth:

this happened

I want to also thank you for all your nice comments and replies, I read every single one, I promise ♥

ch. 7 to 11 summarized terribly, here we go:

it's time to cross the river

difficult task to perform

as someone who lives literally surrounded by rivers, in every direction, I can relate

my rivers don't carry ghouls though, as far as I know

I mean, there are ghost and cryptid legends, but not ghouls that stick to the windshield of a spaceship like bugs

like these ones do

so harrow and yandere twin aren't doing fantastic

yandere twin loses it in like the first 2 seconds

harrow sees the ghosts of all the ninth kids who died for her to be alive

there's water also, but that part sounds very relaxing, actually

getting covered by water but not needing to breath

I'd be there forever tbh

but we can't, because ghoulies

mercygirl is still doing sound effects like kronk

btw we're changing her name to mercygirl because it's what I've been calling her now

I have been told by a number of you that mercygirl is your camilla so I apologize for disrespecting your blorbina

I might do it again, if the situation arises, though

mercygirl is piloting the ship and emperor the fool is just chillin' until he realizes harrow is walking about and doing theorems, which they didn't think she'd be in a state to do, so they didn't tell her not to do it

these people half-assing plans, who would have thought

mercygirl calls the emperor john

emperor johnnyboy tries telling harrow to come back from her state because she's in too deep and it's becoming dangerous

mercygirl stars talking about the death of cassiopeia (another name that's easy to remember)

says cassiopeia had a ceramics collection, which makes her worthy of all my respect

harrow was thinking "five", idk what it's about

next thing we know, we're back to our gideonless retelling of gideon

in this version, teacher explains things

he says the house was inhabited previously by "ten normal human beings of the Resurrection, though half were blessed already with necromantic gifts"

I'm tired of MATH

he says they left blueprints, he tells them about the Sleeper, he tells them how not to awaken it, he tells them about the trap door, he tells them what's under the trap door, he asks them to work together...

you know what this is like

it's like reading gideon was entering a new game and skipping every tutorial they give you

and reading this is like clicking every NPC's info and reading all that they say

ANYWAY, here is where ortus 1...

wait, this is going to be confusing

I want to call ortus from the ninth "ortus 1" and the new guy "ortus 2"

because ninth ortus was the first to show up

but new ortus is actually older and also is ortus the first

we're gonna go with ortus and lyctor!ortus, for now

so, as I was saying, this is were ortus starts becoming much more insistent in these "flashbacks" about him not being the right choice

which, he's not wrong

we know he's not wrong

and harrow is saying stuff like "unless you can summon matthias nonius" (matthias nonius is becoming a recurrent thing, let's remember harrow compared gideon to him at one point)

and ortus goes "I don't understand why you chose me" to which harrow says "there was nobody else" and ortus exasperatedly says "you never did posses an imagination"

VERY IMPORTANT THING

a skeleton turns around when they're walking and says "is this how it happens?"

we'll come back to that shortly

REMEMBER IT

(I know you all remember it, you've read this already, just act like I'm dora the explorer and play along)

next chapter starts in not!dulcinea's funeral

I'm sad I used the oliver queen grave meme already, I can't use it again to express my feelings

I'm gonna use the steel magnolias scene where they laugh at the funeral instead

so, we are introduced to the famous augustine who's name I will remember

there's some conversation about first and second generations and about not!dulcinea being chosen, and Emperor Johnny Bravo says "we were all there to meet her, all sixteen of us"

MORE MATH

I guess she was the last one of these, but maybe we knew that already, I feel we knew that already

apparently, not!dulcinea was the most reluctant to slurp her cavalier, but that didn't stop any of them, not even her, so

Emperor Johnny Quest says "for god's sake" and harrow thinks "the god who became a man and yet still invoked himself, apparently"

when she's right, she's right

that's better commentary than I could make

I have to respect augustine a little bit because he asked "which one of the kiddies did her in?" and I thought that was hilarious

he is called the saint of patience, which makes my previous comment about them being named via sarcasm very correct

it's like captain planet or the power rangers but chosen as funnily as possible

they start summoning lyctor!ortus by saying that he's interested in "you-know-what", which is both suspicious and childish and the vibes of these lyctors are all over the place

augustine thinks something's wrong, which is an understatement at this point, but ok

lyctor!ortus comes in as if summoned by the gossip and harrow calls him "the next terrible part of your life" which is saying something

lyctor!ortus comes with news of the seventh beast or whatnot that's trailing them

harrow bleeds from her ears and smashes her head on the next available surface to pass out

the mood

who could blame her

this lyctor job is terrible

it's like the end of drop dead gorgeous and harrow is kristen dunst

I'm not explaining that, in case you haven't watched a classic

we are back to the "flashbacks" and we've got a special appearance from the fifth

*studio audience claps and cheers*

they say they prefer to look into books than going downstairs, which is something one would consider if one had known what the fuck was downstairs from the start

abigail also does sound effects like mercygirl, it's catching on

abigail finds a piece of a recipe note that mentions an M and a Nigella

still no G&P

we know nigella is the cav of cassiopeia, the ceramics collector

I remember nigella's name because of the cook, which makes it funnier that it's a recipe

M could be mercygirl

abigail also gives harrow a note

abigail says that she'd like to summon the ghost of a lyctor but she's not sure how that could work or where they go when they die

ortus, magnus and abigail, in this gideonless version, are a polycule

I am convinced of that

while they're talking, magnus says "is this really how it happens?"

REMEMBER I SAID WE'D BRING THAT BACK

IT'S BACK

abigail starts telling harrow that she's got the energy of a lot of dead kids in her and harrow storms out

harrow gets angry when ortus calmly agrees about things and she doesn't want to look into why

I WONDER WHY THAT IS

harrow looks at abby's note again and now there's text on it

it's a longer version of the note she found before

it's a rant

it mentions dead eggs, implantation, some guy being sent after the OP, said guy taking pity on OP

OP is mad about all of this and doesn't use punctuation

what ortus reads isn't what harrow reads, once again

NOW THIS BIT

"ortus, I need a cavalier with a backbone" "You always did and I am glad, I think, that I never became that cavalier"

the gideon points keep adding up

harrow then goes to sleep and is like this

final thing in act I, in chapter 11, is harrowbean stabbing not!dulcinea again, which

always make sure, it's like resident evil in here

just in case, let's stab her a bunch of times

so, are these "flashbacks" happening in real time whenever harrow isn't conscious?

is it her trying to remember what actually happened?

or is it her trying to hide it?

was there actually a longer period of time between the defeat of not!dulcinea and the emperor Jon Arbuckle coming to pick them up?

a period of time in which harrow learned things that made her write those letters?

and in which something happened regarding gideon?

is the note of the implantation also related?

why was gideon born in space?

of course I'm not asking you, please don't spoil anything, I'm just asking the void of desperation and chaos right now

we'll see if any of this gets answered soon or if I just get more questions

also, guess who wasn't mentioned

see you on the next one!! I'll try to get back to the awesome replies I've been getting soon ♥

#luly reacts to tlt #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb #long post #gif cw

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wardenparker · 6 months

Text

Vampire Waltz - ch 8

Max Phillips x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

A mysterious inheritance, sprawling mansion, eccentric roommates, friendly bat, and coven of New England witches are the newest chapter of your life after being unceremoniously dumped and kicked out by your boyfriend. For Max, the biggest change in his life is you, and what exactly he's going to do about the fact that he is stuck living with you as long as his sire continues to punish him for that incident at his last office...

Rating: E for Explicit! 18+ Word Count: 16.9k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: deceased parents, cursing, food, blood and blood drinking, depictions and references to abusive relationships. Anxiety and trauma responses. Self-worth issues.* Thigh grinding/frottage, dirty talk, content is sexy. Gaslighting, panic attack, meltdown, trauma responses, family secrets. Summary: While the night after your date is unexpectedly wonderful, an unexpected visitor ruins a lot more than just your morning. And from there things seem to be getting more complicated before they can get better. Notes: As usual, I apologize for any errors that I might have missed. There is a LOT happening in this chapter. Right from the top there is a lot to digest, and there are some big BIG things happening as the plot ramps up! This chapter, I present to you: the Green Salon 💚

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7

Your fingers grip his shoulder the moment his lips meet yours, with sparks igniting under your fingertips and behind your eyes as soon as they fall shut. It feels like the ultimate irony, as one seemingly small kiss from a vampire breathes life into you in a way you can't describe but has you pressing closer in his arms and silently begging for more.

Max kept it light on purpose, knowing that you might push him away after the first press of his lips, but he can’t help the warmth that spreads through his body. The flash of rioting sensations as the loud, hard pound of his heart seems to echo in his chest. A heartbeat. That seeming myth where his dormant muscle springs to life and makes him gasp into your mouth.

The sharp, unexpected reaction from him has you feeling backward and breaking the kiss, searching his face for what went wrong. “Are you—I mean, did you not—?” You ask, brow furrowed in concern. “Are you okay?”

Max’s eyes are wide, glazed over and nearly black with surprise and desire mixed together. “It’s true.” He rushes out, almost breathless even though he has no need to draw breath. “The myth, I felt it. Queenie, my heart thumped.” It’s hard to explain how that could feel to a vampire, but it was blissful. Like being reconnected to an old memory.

“I—it beat?” Your eyes flick down to his chest immediately as though you could see it but what you truly want is to feel it.

“It did.” He practically giggles the confirmation, feeling like he’s going to vibrate out of his skin. Do all soulmate kisses feel this way? “I thought it was bullshit, but it’s true.”

“Do you want to see if it will happen again?” As overjoyed as he is at the sensation, you will admit…maybe that heartbeat that he felt was the one that your heart skipped.

“If it happens again, I can see kissing you every chance I get.” He admits with a small grin.

“Then I hope it happens again.” Because you dearly want to kiss him again, feeling a wave of bliss and relaxation flood your body at the reality of your soulmate being the one to share these moments with you now.

“Let’s find out, shall we?” Max asks as he leans in again. Anticipating that thump and at the last second, he grabs your hand and puts it over his heart.

This time you’re the one who gasps, practically jumping out of the bed when you feel the startlingly solid pump of that long-disused muscle in Max’s chest.

He laughs when your lips break apart from his, eyes nearly sparkling with joy. “I never—” he laughs again. “I never thought I would ever feel that again.”

“That’s incredible.” Both of you are staring at each other with wide eyes, shocked to the point of nearly giggling. “That’s absolutely incredible!”

“I don’t know— I can’t believe it was true.” He reaches out and cups your cheek. “You’re amazing.” He gushes. “You literally make my heart pound.”

“That’s not me,” you remind him sheepishly, feeling the praise is far too much for little, lowly you. “That’s just the soulmate connection.”

“It is you.” He insists. “You are my soulmate, so it’s you doing this.”

“It’s both of us.” The last thing you want is for him to get upset for any reason, so you’ll give an inch rather than anyone having to go a mile. Besides, you would do anything to keep that smile on his face. “And it seems like…It happens every time?”

“I think it does.” Max admits, caressing your cheek. “It wouldn’t be a bad thing at all. Could get addicted to kissing you without that perk.”

“Yeah?” It would upset him to hear but you would have understood if that was the only reason he enjoyed kissing you. To hear that it’s not is almost a miracle.

“Yeah.” He brushes his nose against yours and barely brushes his lips against yours. The thud isn’t huge, but he feels his heart jolt slightly. “But I want to make sure you’re addicted too.”

“That really isn’t something you have to worry about.” The second he was pressed against you, you knew that you never wanted to be anywhere else again.

“Why is that?” He asks, deciding to kiss along your jaw to see if it has the same effect.

Whether or not it’s making his heart beat, yours is skittering out of time as his mouth makes its way across your skin. “Because—” You shiver when he presses a kiss over your pulse and swallow a ragged breath. “I already am.”

“Yeah?” He grins against your skin and growls slightly. “So glad to hear that, Queenie.”

“Gods—why is that so sexy?” Overwhelmed by the feeling of him half covering you and drowning in the sensations of desire and pleasure, the question just slips out with no filter at all. Your mind is far too concentrated on mapping the contours of his arms, back, and shoulders to even think about what you’re saying.

“Primal reaction.” He grunts, enjoying the way you are melting against him. “If I scrape my fangs over your pulse, you’ll shiver and your little pussy will clench in reactive fear that your body perceives as pleasure. Tickles that cavewoman instinct to be with the strongest.”

“I guess I’m a cavewoman, then.” You know he would never put you in danger. You’ve talked about it very seriously. He would never drink from you or anything like that without another long discussion and explicit, enthusiastic consent. But…he does have a point. The animalistic side of you knows that he is much stronger and much more capable than any human man.

“Rawr.” He teases playfully, grinning at you.

His playful side is so carefully hidden from the rest of the world that you can’t help the way it makes the smile spread wide on your face when he shows it to just you. As if you were as much a safe haven for him as he is becoming for you. “You’re…” One of your hands drifts along his shoulder, fingers stretching to glide over his jaw, and you giggle softly in the dim light of your room. “You’re amazing. I hope you know that.”

“Long as you think so.” He doesn’t think so, despite his outward personality. “All that matters.” His lips touch every bit of skin you show him. Careful not to go beneath your clothes but he maps every inch.

It feels worshipful, and Max never pushes. He never takes advantage of your clothes shifting or lets his hands wander anywhere salacious. He is the picture of a gentleman as the two of you lay side-by-side tasting and touching every visible inch of each other.

He’s never spent much time making out. Most of the time it progresses on to other things, but he wants to take his time. You trust him and he doesn’t want to betray that.

If you were even the least bit tired before, you certainly aren’t now. Right now you’re aching. Doing everything you can not to writhe beside him as your body clearly wants to take things further but your mind just isn’t ready for the utter vulnerability that is sex. You have been just as careful to keep your hands in respectable place as he has, but your breathing has gone shallow and your heart beat has sped up, setting your entire body on fire.

“It’s okay.” Max croons. “I know what you need. Just let me make you feel good.” He doesn’t do anything more than shift a knee between your legs, pressing it down into the mattress and lets it anchor you to him more. You can grind down on him if you want, or ignore it. It’s up to you as he slowly kisses at your pulse again and again.

The unholy whimper that that draws from you is so much louder than you had anticipated, and you would be embarrassed if you weren’t so distracted by how perfect the pressure now is. His broad, muscled body looms over you like living protective armor and your hands shift when he moves so that one of them slips under his shirt by accident. A breathless apology comes right before your thighs clench down on his leg, and you instinctually shiver again at how good it feels.

“You can touch me, sweetheart.” He promises, growling again at how hot your hand is on his skin. “You can do whatever you want to me, with me. You tell me what you want.” Max has never been this selfless, but there’s something about you that makes him want to protect you - even from himself - while simultaneously giving you everything that you need.

“Want to make you feel good.” Without the pressure of demand for your attention, there is nothing more that you want than to give it freely to someone who cares about you. Who is sweet to you. Who values who you are, not what you can provide to him.

“Feel amazing, so….mission accomplished.” He chuckles against your throat and bites at it playfully, making sure that his fangs aren’t exposed. “Never felt this good before.”

“Can I…?” The question drifts off even though your fingers fumble with the hem of his shirt eagerly.

“You want my shirt off, sweetheart?” He pulls back to look into your eyes. Wanting to see them. “Or do you just want to touch me under it?”

“Can I take it off?” Surprised at your own boldness, you swallow again and try to catch a deep breath. But that’s very hard to do with his knee pressed determinedly against your throbbing pussy.

“Of course you can.” His grin is positively wicked and he eagerly allows you to pull the worn, soft fabric up and over his head. Hovering over you as it drags down his arms, and he hooks it out of your hand and tosses it aside onto the floor to be forgotten.

For a few long seconds it feels like all you can do is stare. He is sculpted like a statue and you can’t imagine how soulmates are assigned but in this moment you’re absolutely certain that there must be some kind of rule about physical attractiveness. Otherwise you can’t possibly fathom how you got a soulmate who is so fucking hot. “Fuck…” Even just one word, breathed out in disbelief, perfectly encapsulates how you feel right now.

“Not tonight, sweetheart.” He teases you with a wink. “If I give it up too soon, you might not respect me.”

“S’not what I meant,” you grumble, tentatively running one hand down the length of his chest and torso, noting every muscle along the way and the softness that guards them beneath his skin. “Just…can’t believe you’re actually real.”

“I know.” He feels bad for teasing you, shuddering at the way your hand caresses him. “I’m real, Queenie. All yours too.”

“That’s the most unbelievable part.” But the reassurance flips some sort of switch inside you, and you surge up to kiss him again with such ferocity that it drives your core down against his leg and you moan as his tongue licks into your mouth with the open, panting kiss.

When you take charge of the kiss, his heart gallops in his chest. Seemingly knocking against his ribs as he gives it back, his tongue starting to map your mouth while your hands trace the lines of his back.

The overwhelming combination of sensations is going to make you short circuit before long, you can feel it. The angle his thigh is at between yours is pressing the seam of your yoga pants against your clit and probably making it completely obvious how wet you are for him, but you can’t bring yourself to even feel the least bit bad about it. This is exactly what you didn’t know you wanted tonight and you’re never going to forget a second of it.

“It’s so good, sweetheart.” He groans, kissing down your jaw again. “So damn sweet for me. So sweet. Rub that little pussy against my thigh, baby.”

“Gods.” Another moan escapes you, muted as you gulp down air in heavy gasps. “Should‘be known you’d have a filthy mouth.”

“Of course I have a filthy mouth.” He hums. “As long as you like it.”

“It’s—” With a mind of their own, your hips roll downward and make you gasp in pleasure. “It’s brand new to me,” you admit, fingers digging into his side to hold him close. “But I like it.”

“I say anything you don’t like, you just tell me, sweetheart.” He tells you.

“I promise.” For now your entire mind is focused on the blinding pleasure building between your legs and wondering if you should try to reciprocate during or after.

“Thought about how you would taste like.” He confess as his tongue pulls back from your pulse. “But you’re so much sweeter. Making me wonder how you taste everywhere.”

“You—” Feeling like a deer caught in particularly strong headlights when you reel back to look up at him in surprise. “You…like…doing that?”

He smirks, looking up and you with a salacious wink. “Sweetheart, pussy is raw.” He reminds you playfully. “Anytime, I’ll bury my tongue inside you. Especially during that time. Love it.”

“I never even thought of that.” And now you feel like an utter idiot for not having it occur to you right away.

“Why would you think like that?” He asks, leaning in and pressing his lips against yours again and pressing his thigh against your clit harder.

“Can’t think at all right now,” you admit, letting the next moan he rips out of you roll through your body like a tidal wave.

“Good.” He chuckles, the sound filthy. “You’re in good hands. I’ll take care of you.”

As much as you may have doubted plenty of other things in your life, you haven’t had any reason to doubt that, and you tip your head to one side to let him explore as far down your neck as he can. “I’ll return the favor,” you promise him readily, knowing that he’s been fully hard in those sweatpants for ages now.

“Don’t worry about that.” The last thing he wants is for you to feel pressured to reciprocate anything. This is about wanting to touch you, make you feel good. It’s not a tit for tat situation. He nibbles on your collarbone and rolls his leg forward again.

“But—” The rest of your thought get washed away on a gasp and your hands squeeze his sides again as you shiver. If he keeps that up, it really won’t take long at all before you fall apart.

“That’s it, that’s it, sweetheart.” He urges you, smirking when he can feel your entire body start to tense up. “Cum for me.”

Taking his encouragement as permission, your hips roll as if they have a mind of their own, and moments later you fingernails are digging into his shoulder blades while you desperately try to stifle what would otherwise be a very loud moan. You know your yoga pants are soaked the second you start to cum, and that he’ll be able to feel the sticky heat through his sweatpants as well, but you just can’t bring yourself to care. Not when he can make you feel this good without even using his hands.

Max is throbbing with need. Very aware that his cock has soaked the front of his sweats, but he ignores that. Too focused on the feeling of your entire body stiffening under him and the sound of your pulse pounding like your heart is going to beat out of your chest as you give him the sweetest cry.

“So I can start your heart, and you can stop mine,” you huff, working to get your breath back when the starbursts stop exploded behind your eyes and you can open them again to find him smiling down at you.

“Looks like.” He teases drolly, thoroughly amused by the breathless, blissful expression on your face. Dropping down to one elbow to press his lips to yours in the softest of kisses.

“And you’re sure you don’t want me to…?” You can feel him throb heavily against your hip, but you’re going to respect him like he respects you. No means no, if that is what he decides.

“I’m good, I promise.” He nudges his nose against yours too. “This was for you, sweetheart.” It’s not that he doesn’t want you to touch him, but he doesn’t want you to feel like you have to. “We’ll get there, I know we will.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Stealing a kiss from Max’s lips is just about the sweetest feeling in the world, and your hands graze softly over his back as you nuzzle into his side.

After he had rolled to his side, he had opened his arms for you to curl into him. Loving how easily you do. His arm folds around you and he hums with absolute pleasure as your chest presses to his bare one and he can feel your heartbeat on his body.

“I can’t believe you’re real.” You murmur again, this time at a whisper as you place a kiss over his heart.

“I can’t believe you are here.” He confesses softly, holding you securely against his body. The hour is late and he can feel the exhaustion starting to settle in your bones after the adrenaline starts to wear off. “Close your eyes, sweetheart. I’ll keep you safe while you sleep.”

******

Dreams are frequent and fast that night, though nothing unsettles or worries you. Not even an anxiety dream about Max not being there in the morning, as if even your unsteady subconscious could fathom the thought. There is no knock from Renee like usual, no tray brought up so you can laze through a formal breakfast with your undead housemates. What wakes you instead is the sun, and right afterward the soft brush of Max’s knuckles on your shoulder.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Even though he had not fallen asleep, his voice is still a little raspy from disuse. Watching you slowly start to rise from your slumber is a privilege and he wonders if you realize how gorgeous you are sleep tousled.

“Morning.” A small stretch doesn’t take you from his arms, which is good because that’s exactly where you want to stay. Instead you peak up at him from between your lashes and grin. He obviously hasn’t slept, but that doesn’t keep him from looking every bit as handsome as ever. Instead of saying that, though, you reach up to scratch at the base of his scalp and murmur, “Cutie,” as though it were the highest compliment on earth.

“Yeah?” He nearly purrs as he feels your fingers scratch against his scalp. “I try my best.”

“Did you watch me sleep for long?” There is no way he could have gotten out of bed and gotten back in this same position, so you can only assume that he watched you sleep or read one of the books on your side table.

“All night.” He admits with a grin, cracking one eye open at you. “Although we don’t sleep, we do rest. I feel like I’m the most well rested vampire on the planet.”

“I’m very glad to hear it.” Stretching again, you smother a yawn and make sure to keep your morning breath away from his keen sense of smell. “How long until you have to leave for work?”

“Decided to take the day off.” He admits with a less than guilty shrug. “I have PTO they’ve been wanting me to take.”

That makes you sit up, eyes widening in surprise. “You took a day off?” A perpetual workaholic, you’ve never see Max go a single day without putting in at least a few hours’ work. Even when it was just reading up on clients in the library at home.

“Should I not have?” He asks with a small frown. He had thought you would enjoy the gesture, but maybe you had plans.

“No, I’m just surprised.” Instinctively, you lean in to smooth the crease out of his forehead with a kiss. “I was going to have brunch with Allison today, but that was the only thing I had planned.”

“Go to brunch.” He insists immediately. “Don’t let me interrupt your plans. I don’t want to do that. I just—” Honestly he doesn’t know why he chose to take today off, but he felt like he should. Like something was compelling him to stay close.

“She was just going to come to the house,” you tell him quickly, not wanting him to feel like he made a bad decision by staying home. “For that matter, she’s probably still in Eddie’s room. We didn’t have any grand plans. Just Mrs. Taylor’s amazing cooking.”

“In your little tea house?” He smirks slightly, knowing how much you love that little room. Even though it might be a little chilly today, it would still be lovely. “I can start the fire if you want.” He offers. “Warm it up.”

“Setting a fire for me is very primal provider of you.” A small giggle escapes. You feel so relaxed this morning that you could practically fly. “Trying to scratch that cavewoman instinct again?”

“Trying to make sure my soulmate is nice and warm.” He hums, winking at you. “I like curling into your warmth, sweetheart.”

“Ah, so it’s a purely selfish gesture?” Teasing him this morning is so easy, and you laugh before leaning in again to kiss his cheek. “I’m sure you’ll be able to hear everything we say even from inside the house, but I will be giggling about last night the whole time.”

“You know…” he leans in and kisses your nose playfully. “I only want to hear good things. But I was thinking about your tea house.”

“What about it?” He knows how much you love spending time out there. And how you have adopted it as your own sort of outdoor sitting room. As soon as Eddie had helped you furnish it to your own taste, it became one of your favourite places.

“What if we have that stove taken out, and a fireplace put in?” He ask seriously, wondering what you think about that. “That way you could have a cozy fire, do witchy things if you wanted. Give it that…vibe.”

“Do you think that could even be done?” Not really knowing much about construction or how home improvements get done, it hadn’t occurred to you to remodel at any point. But the idea of a fireplace in your little hideaway sounds positively witchy and fantastic.

“Absolutely.” He has already run it by Mr. Taylor to be certain, and had been reassured that the modification could actually be done rather easily. “The wall with the stove could be a stone hearth. As big or as small as you could wish.” There’s already a fireplace in your bedroom and he nods towards it. “Something like that, or something from a medieval cottage with a bubbling cauldron.”

“I think medieval cottage with a cauldron is on the same spectrum as goth Disney Princess, isn’t it?” He is so utterly sweet, and so tentative, you burrow into his side again instead of getting up like you were starting to. “You really are wonderful, you know. Even if you don’t believe me yet.”

He doesn’t believe you, because he’s not wonderful. He’s selfish and a prick. “You wouldn’t think so if you had met me before.” He admits quietly. The Max he had been when he was trying to get revenge on Evan would have repulsed you, and he doesn’t even know if he would have cared back then. Eddie’s influence, being here, has changed him more than he had originally believed.

“Then maybe it’s okay that we didn’t meet until now.” The lives that you’ve led in the last ten years have made you into drastically different people than you were in college. You know that. He knows that, too. “Maybe the people we were then would have fallen in love just fine. But the people we are now…” Realizing what you just said, and how easily you said it, your mouth clamps shut out of fear and you sink back down under the mattress without another word or even sound coming out of your mouth. You definitely should not have phrased it like that…

“But the people we are now might have needed a little push?” He asks, completing the statement to what his own thoughts were. “I think you’re right, Queenie.”

“Right.” You were going to say that the people you are now seem to be doing just fine on your own, but he seems to think that it wasn’t as easy as all that, and you’re glad that you hit your big, stupid mouth in time. Don’t rush. No pressure. You remind yourself of the mantra in your head with an internal sigh. “I…um…I should shower.”

“Wait….” He can sense he said something wrong, or maybe you aren’t on the same page. “You don’t think so?” He asks quietly. “I think this has been a little push for us. Pushing us together in this house. He planned it. He had to have.”

“I still don’t really know who he is.” Everyone talks about Max’s sire like he’s some sort of mysterious Old God or something and you don’t know what to make of it. “I’m just glad you don’t hate me. Whatever else is going on, I’m glad we’re getting along and that…that last night was as wonderful as it was.”

“I don’t think I could ever hate you.” He frowns at the mere thought and his hold on you reflexively tightens on your body. “Never.”

“I don’t think I could ever hate you, either.” Despite whatever he might think.

“Good.” He will accept that. “Now, do you still want to shower?”

“I do. I mean…I should.” After all, you did fall asleep without cleaning yourself up last night. You’re sure you still smell like sex.

“Orrrrrr.” Max pokes his lower lip out and pouts slightly. “We could pretend it’s still dark outside.”

“Did you have something in mind?” His arms are tight around you and there isn’t necessarily any reason to get up yet. After all, the clock on the mantle only reads nine in the morning.

“Just….enjoying holding you. But you might be hungry.” He realizes. “Are you hungry?”

He looks so sweetly earnest this morning and your stomach isn’t rumbling yet, so you offer him a smile. “I could be persuaded to exist on kisses if you don’t mind letting me up to brush my teeth.”

“Do you want me to brush my teeth too?” He asks with a smirk as you cover your mouth as if the smell would offend him.

“Only if you want to.” As much as you duck out of sight, his smile makes you smile, too. “I know your sense of smell is stronger than mine. It doesn’t bother me at all but I thought it would bother you.”

“What, naaaaaahhhhhh.” He tuts, shaking his head. “That doesn’t bother me either. You don’t have to move a muscle if you don’t want to.”

“So…can I kiss you good morning, then?”

“Anytime you want.” Max promises, crossing an ‘X’ over his heart.

“Even at four in the afternoon?” Somehow you can’t resist teasing him today, even as you’re leaning in to softly press your lips to his.

“If that’s what time you want a good morning kiss.” He chuckles. “But then that means you are worn out from the night before.”

“Very worn out.” And after just what you got up to on your first night, you won’t be surprised at all when that time comes. The polite knock on your bedroom door interrupts what was about to be another giggling kiss, and you pause in confusion before realizing it must just be Renee coming to wake you up. “Come in.”

Mrs. Taylor is the one that opens the door, poking her head in with an annoyed frown on her face. “Ms. Dolly, I hate to interrupt, but there is a person at the door who is insisting to speak with you.”

“A person?” A part of you feels like you ought to spring away from Max’s side the second the door is opened, but you resist. This is both of your home, you’re consenting adults, and you’re soulmates for crying out loud. Besides which, the only clothing that came off last night was Max’s shirt, so you’re still perfectly decent. “Alright, um…I’ll only need a minute to get dressed.”

Max doesn’t like the unhappy look on the housekeeper’s face. “I’ll get dressed too.” He insists before he finally lets go of you. He had been too focused on you to hear any commotion but he was fairly certain she would send away any unexpected visitors, so if this person is insisting, it’s not good.

About to say that he doesn't need to trouble himself, you see the resolved expression on Max's face and nod. "We'll be down in a minute, Mrs. Taylor." You tell the housekeeper instead, figuring that whatever it is, it will be quick. It's probably someone about the masquerade, or asking donations for something. With a big, busy house like this, anybody would be right to assume that you have a bit of money to donate to a good cause. "I will show them to the Green Salon." Mrs. Taylor nods and shuts the door behind her, not liking the situation one bit.

The Green Salon. Max arches a brow, aware that the Green Salon was the most imposing of the day rooms. Meant to intimidate. Whoever this is, isn’t a friend.

"I feel like I should dress up and I don't really know why?" Something about Mrs. Taylor's tone makes you feel like this is a big deal. Or at least not casual.

“Sometimes what you wear is a defense mechanism.” Max understand that completely. That’s what his suits are. “Wear the outfit that makes you feel the most powerful, Queenie.” He urges you. “Live up to that nickname.”

"Go put on your favourite suit, then." If he wants you to play that part, you'll need him by your side for support. "I'll find something that you can be proud to have me stand next to you in."

“I’d be proud to stand beside you in what you’re in right now.” He promises. “Queen Beth wore a bathrobe, and did it royally.” He jokes, winking at you. “I’ll be back in a flash.”

It takes you just a few minutes to throw on a respectable sweater and pair of gray slacks and redo your makeup, and you're putting in your earrings on the way out to the hallway where Max is already standing. Of course he was ready before you, but you're grateful that he decided to wait for you to go down. "You said powerful," you remind him, when he eyes the pair of high heels you've put on. It was a favourite pair of your mother's from way back, and even though your feet are sore from last night, you had heeded his advice thoroughly.

“You look like the lady of the house.” He promises with a smirk as he holds out his arm for you to take. Wanting to escort you down. He had heard someone shuffling, snooping around and opening drawers in the desk there. Not that there is any paperwork to find, but it’s interesting. “Shall we?”

"Let's find out who this visitor is." You can't think of a single person who would come looking for you that Mrs. Taylor wouldn't have announced by name, so you're a bit in the dark about the whole thing as you and Max descend the stairs. Even the lawyer would have gotten a formal announcement. Knowing Mrs. Taylor, she would have come in with his business card on a silver tray.

“It should be interesting.” Max comments as he guides you down the stairs and towards the Green Salon with the confidence of a man who had no worries in the world, although he grips your hand on his arm tightly in reassurance.

“Whoever it is,” you shake your head and squeeze his hand back tightly at the bottom of the stairs as he leads you through the ballroom to the sitting room decorated entirely in green and white. “It can’t possibly be that—” The thought dies on your tongue, though, the moment you turn your head and see who is standing beside the desk just a few feet away. “…Derek?”

Max’s entire body stiffens at the tone of your voice. Assuming that this is your ex. The one that had so badly mistreated you. If he were an animal, his hackles would be raised and his fur standing up. Instantly becoming more predatory when the man’s gaze turns towards you.

“Wh—what are you doing here?” Instinctually keeping close to Max’s side, your shoulders round in that familiar and automatic way of making yourself small that your posture has perfected over the years.

Derek frowns slightly at the well-dressed man that you are clinging to before he pokes his lip out slightly and rushes forward. “Baby, I’ve been so worried.” He huffs. “You just disappeared, didn’t call, I didn’t know where you were.”

“You kicked me out.” Shrinking in on yourself a little more deeply makes your face scrunch in confusion along with it. “You broke up with me and you kicked me out.” Right? Isn’t that what happened? Suddenly your memory is foggy and your palms are sweating with nerves.

“What?” He gives you a look of utter confusion and shakes his head. “No, no baby, I went to the bar with friends, you had been upset about something but when I got home, you were gone.” He tries to keep his voice saccharine sweet.

"I was upset because you called me useless and cursed me out—" Doubting your own memory, you look up at Max desperately and then back at Derek. This house was your sanctuary until two minutes ago, now you feel like you'll never be safe again. "How did you find me?"

His eyes narrow for a moment and he almost calls you stupid but the pretty boy next to you makes him mind his manners. “The tracking app.” He explains. “You didn’t turn it off and I finally remembered the login.” It’s more like he had finally given a shit when the house was a wreck and he didn’t have money for beer, but acting like he had been trying to find you sounds better.

"It took you a month to remember my birthday?" Sure, it's a bad idea to use the same password for everything. You get that. But as stupid as you feel for not disconnecting your phone from every single way he could trace you, you feel less stupid about having just one password for everything.

“I thought you had changed it.” Some of the sweetness falls flat and Max can tell that he’s getting annoyed. Good. “But I’m here now, but—” he looks around the opulent room. “What are you doing here?”

"I live here now." While that should be abundantly obvious, you understand his confusion. It's not as though you ever had an abundance of spare funds before. There were times that you could barely make ends meet. "This is my house."

“Your house?” His brow arches up drastically and he looks around the house again with a more appraising eye.

"Yes. It's my house." The place you shared in Tennessee had been under his name but mostly paid for with your money, but this was different. Everything about this place is legally yours and the people you share it with are kind and caring toward you. "You...managed to track me down but not figure out anything else about where I'd gone?"

“Baby.” Derek doesn’t understand why you aren’t overjoyed to see him. You are always a pathetic little mouse, but you are devoted to him. “I just needed to get to you.” He doesn’t mention that his truck is full of his things, the landlord kicking him out when he blew all his money on booze. “I wasn’t trying to waste time looking up this town.”

"That—that's not—" Shuffling from one foot to another, the pounding of your heart must be deafening to the vampires in the house but to you it's just impeding your ability to swallow as you work to try to remember exactly what happened the night you left. Was the fight really not as bad as you made it out to be? "You broke up with me," you repeat determinedly, like you're trying to convince yourself that your memory isn't lying to you. "You don't get to call me that anymore."

“What are you talking about?” Again he shakes his head, looking wounded at your accusation. “I would never break up with the woman I love.” He tells you, wondering why this suited asshole hasn’t let you go yet. “I was looking at engagement rings.”

A wave of nausea washes over you along with the itching sting of an impending panic attack, and your head begins to shake of its own accord before you look up at Max, imploring him not to believe any of this. " N—no." Barely stammered out, the word is completely foreign and definitely not one you were ever allowed to say to Derek. "You're not—we aren't—" As the panic sets in the fear takes hold, squeezing your heart and making you blurt out your best defense as bluntly as possible. "You're not my soulmate."

For a split second, something dark and ugly crosses the other man’s features and as much as Max would love to see what comes out of his mouth, he doesn’t want you to panic for another second. “Hey pal.” Using his most condescending, office manager voice, Max extends his hand out to Derek. “Max Phillips.” He introduces himself. “You are?”

"Derek Scott." There is nearly a growl in the smaller man's voice, and while he means to shake the pompous suit's hand hard enough to make him flinch, the guy you're clinging to seems to be a brick wall. "What exactly are you doing in my girlfriend's house, pal?" Whoever this guy is, Derek needs him out of the way pronto. He wasn't expecting a roadblock when he found you and he doesn't like having his plans interrupted.

“Girlfriend?” Max scoffs slightly, not letting go of the man’s hand and squeezing just shy of making him wince. “Not the way I see it. Why are you here? Me? I’ve lived here for four years.”

"I'm here for my girl." The false confidence in Derek's voice almost waivers with the tight squeeze of his hand, but he manages to hold his shit together long enough to wrench his hand free and realize just how much bigger than him this fuckin' guy really is. "Or did you not hear the part about engagement rings?" Not that he ever would, but he needs this guy to buy the lie. And you, too, for that matter.

“Oh I heard it.” Max chuckles and looks over at you. “I just don’t believe it. Don’t think she does either.” He comments pithily. “Not that it matters anymore. You kicked her out, she just disappeared, who cares? She’s here now and that’s all that matters.”

"I would never have kicked her out." He lies, layering on the look of devotion as he looks over at you. He did. And frankly, he'd done it more than once. It's just that before this, you always came back. Usually in tears, promising to be better. It suited him just fine to always have someone at his beck and call. Especially since you could pay the bills. "But I still don't know why you are here." The guy said he lives here, but how the fuck does that work if this is your house?

“And you don’t need to know.” Max singsongs, grinning broadly. “It’s like having that Top Secret clearance in the government. If you were meant to know, you would.” Right now, he doesn’t want to divulge your soulmate status until he can talk to you, alone. Find out what this asshole wants. “Queenie—” he comments mildly, looking over at you with a wink. “My offer is still on the table.”

It takes you a second, the confusion that's settled over your mind making it hazy, but when you remember that Max has straight out offered to kill Derek for you, your eyebrows shoot up and you shake your head adamantly. "No. N-no. That's...um...that's not...that's not necessary." You insist, feeling like a terrified animal that's been cornered by a predator. "Would you just...let Eddie and Allison know that someone else is here? Please?" Eddie has probably already heard the commotion, but you know Allison would be mortified to wander downstairs in his bathrobe and run into a stranger.

“Are you sure, doll?” His eyes search yours seriously. He doesn’t want you to be alone with this prick, but he’s also not going to control you. When you give him a hesitant nod, he blows out a sigh for show. “Be right back.” He promises, letting go of your arm and cutting his eyes at Derek before he walks out of sight.

"You haven't talked about getting married in years," you murmur, arms crossed over your chest protectively the moment Max is out of sight. It was something that had been talked about on and off — in an abstract sort of way — at the beginning of your relationship with Derek but not since.

“I know, I’ve been….waiting until I could provide for you.” He lies, stepping closer and feeling more confident now that smarmy suit has left the room. “But I realized I don’t want to wait.”

"But..." He steps closer and you step back, trying to keep distance without being overtly rude or making him mad. Derek getting mad is never a good thing. "You...you were sleeping with that bartender." These are things you swore you knew to be true, but fear has muddled your memory. "What's her— Nikki. You were sleeping with Nikki!"

“No I wasn’t.” Derek shakes his head and sighs. “You always claimed I was cheating but I wasn’t. You let your jealousy cloud everything. I wasn’t cheating, I would never cheat.”

"She was in our house." It was about two weeks before he blew up and threw you out, but you know it happened. "She was in our house and you had lipstick on your mouth and—" Feeling the panic crash over you in another wave, you step back again and remind yourself to breath. "I'm not going back," you tell him with a surprising amount of vehemence. "I live here now."

“It’s a nice house.” Derek nods and looks around again. “Nice and big. Expensive.”

"It belonged to family." Saying it out loud is like a resolution, as if acknowledging it is a promise that you aren't going to leave.

“Funny you didn’t have family before.” The mask slips slightly, his frown deeper than before and he steps towards you again.

"It wasn't someone I knew." One step forward gets one step back, and you almost trip moving backward from the carpeted floor of the green room out to the waxed wooden floor of the ballroom. "She left me the house when she died."

He hums, not believing you, but it doesn’t really matter. Soon enough he will know exactly what was left to you and be able to turn it into cash. “Generous.”

"Yeah." A meek nod follows the whisper of the word and you plant your feet again so you won't slip. "Yeah, it—well—it's good. I needed a new start."

“You don’t need a new start.” Derek huffs. “You’re with me.”

"N-no." The shake in your voice is unmistakable. Maybe no one else in the world would know that tone as specifically as you do, but that's the tone that says you're going to be very sorry, very soon. "I-I'm with Max now."

“That guy?” Derek scoffs and shakes his head. “He’s not with you. There’s no way.”

"Why?" That stings so much more than you would have expected. Maybe because it hits home on the very fears that you've been ruminating over since you found out that Max is your soulmate. "Because he's too good for me? Trust me, I know that."

“Because you’re with me.” Derek reminds you. “He’s not your type, I am. I’m the only one who will ever love you like you need.”

"But—you—" Your chest heaves with the effort of holding in the panic that you have had a month's respite from, and the room seems to spin around you in a way that promises to be very bad news in a just a second's time. "You don't—" Breathe. You have to remember to breathe. You manage to snatch your hand away when he reaches for it. "I don't love you anymore."

Max had informed Eddie within two heartbeats of leaving this room, although he had to begrudgingly allow for the human time to walk upstairs and down. He’s been by the door, listening, and is proud of the way you are holding your own. “Listen-—”the douche bag ex starts to talk, but your soulmate decides this is the perfect time to interrupt. “And that concludes todays visitation.” He announces playfully, but has every intention of tearing this asshole apart if he argues. “We thank you for stopping by, but as you can see, Queenie is an extremely busy woman. Planning masquerades and all.” He sails through the door as if he owns the place, with all the grace and confidence this little slime-ball could never possess. Reaching your side and taking your hand again so Derek couldn’t reach for it. His eyes are flat and hard as they shift towards your abusive ex. “Good bye.”

“Don’t you think she oughta be the one to decide that, pal?” Derek’s temper is boiling just below the surface and he has never taken well to rejection. Not ever in his life. Which is why your sudden ability to grow a spine is so fucking disturbing. “This isn’t your house. It belongs to my girl.” He still doesn’t understand why the suited prick even lives here, but he’ll do some digging and find out. Drawing a shaky breath, Max’s hand in yours is grounding and bolstering all at once. “You should go.” You manage after another second, practically shaking apart on the spot from the anxiety of saying no to Derek in any way.

“You heard her, buddy.” The shallow grin that had been on Max’s face drops and for a split second he considers changing his features, really scaring the dogshit out of this dickhead. He doesn’t, out of respect for you. He squeezes your hand to reassure you that nothing will happen to you. “Have a nice day, life, whatever.”

“Baby.” He takes one advanced step, realizing that as long as your guard dog is here, you’re harder to break. What he needs to do is get you alone. “Let me take you out tonight, at least?” He’ll have to figure a couple of things out before then, but he’s been in worse spots before. “I don’t think so.” Shaking your head slightly while you cling to Max’s hand, your eyes hit the floor rather than Derek’s face. None of this is how you wanted to start your day, and you feel like you might crumble if you don’t have your soulmate’s sturdy frame to hold on to.

“It’s time for you to leave.” Max practically snarls it, pissed that this jerk off isn’t getting the hint. You say that he shouldn’t destroy this prick, but Max is about to do it for himself.

“I’ll be back.” Derek announces with vehemence, and you can see his anger tinging the surface as his eyes narrow down on you like they’ve done so many times before.

Max subtly steps in front of you, letting go of your hand. “Let me show you the door.” It’s not a suggestion. “So you don’t get lost.”

The front door is maybe fifteen feet away at most but you still watch Max walk Derek straight to it and push it open to let the smaller man out. They seem to stare challengingly at each other for just a minute before Derek looks past him and finds you staring, at which point he blows you a kiss — something he hasn’t done in years — and steps out into the morning sun. As soon as the door shuts behind him, your legs give out, leaving you in a crumpled pile of gasping sobs on the ballroom floor.

“Fuck.” In a flash, Max is next to you. Not pulling you up, but down on the floor with you and pulling you into his arms. “It’s okay, it’s alright sweetheart.” He murmurs softly. “Let it out,” he rubs your back and pats it gently like he would comfort an infant as they sobbed. He doesn’t want to make you stop, just wants you to know he’s there for you.

“I—I—forgot—” Stuttered out in stifled hiccups, you cling to Max tightly without fear of hurting him and try very hard not to get makeup or tears on his suit. “How could I be so stupid?”

“You are not stupid.” He grunts, making sure you know he doesn’t believe that shit. He holds you tight and wishes he knew how to make it better.

“I’d have to be, to forget about Find My Phone,” you gasp, the tears flowing thick and insistent as you try to hiccup breaths in between. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?” Max tries not to frown as he takes your face in his hands. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing.” He doesn’t want to compel you to calm down, but he will if you continue to blame yourself and nearly make yourself sick.

“He’s dangerous.” Is all you can think to say, the insistent and nagging feeling of fear brewing in your gut.

For a second, Max is speechless. Shocked quiet by your words until he starts to chuckle. “Sweetheart, I’m more dangerous than he could ever imagine being.” He promises, tilting your head up and making you meet his eyes. “Do you want me to show you? I don’t look this pretty all the time. There’s- there’s another side to me.”

“I’ve seen your teeth,” you remind him quietly, not quite understanding and trying to get your breathing back to normal from nearly hyperventilating a moment ago.

“It’s not just teeth, sweetheart.” Max is glad he didn’t start calling you ‘baby’ since that was what Derek called you. “You can call it my monster face. You want to see it? See the real me?”

“I have seen the real you.” No matter what else there may be to him, you refuse to believe that the man he has been with you is t the real him — the person he wants to be at his core. “But show me the other side, too.” Puffing out a breath, you barely manage to shift against him. “It’s only fair. Since you’ve seen me falling apart.”

Max chuckles and shakes his head. “You don’t need to be worried about Derek.” He grumbles. “Not when your soulmate - who will never hurt you -“ he add, “looks like this.”

Any other time you might have been startled. You might have reeled back of stared or even been frightened of that way Max’s face transforms. Instead, you almost smile. The twitch at the corners of your mouth, at least are unmistakable. It isn’t fear you feel, but safety. “My guard dog,” you decide after Moment, reaching up to touch his transformed brow.

He growls in surprise at your touch, eyes fluttering closed as he leans into your touch like a guard dog would. He would fight the monsters for you, protect you, and then beg for love and attention from you. His fangs are on display when he smiles, looking like one of the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was amazing how they got them right. Rumor was one of the exec producers was a vamp himself. “Woof.” He teases.

The tease startles a small laugh out of you, which is steadily followed by a few last tears as your fingers trace the peaks and valleys of his cheek. “You’re not a monster,” you murmur, the recurring thought from his head bleeding into yours, but you refuse to yield to it. “He is.”

“He might be a monster, but me? I’m the thing nightmares are made of.” Max’s voice is deeper in this form, less human than before. “And I will use ever power I have to make sure he doesn’t hurt you.”

“I know you will.” Despite hiccups in the beginning — which there definitely were, you won’t deny that — that is something you believe right down to your core. Max will never intentionally hurt you. Not now. Not knowing who you are to him. Deflating once more, as though the last of the panic is being pushed out of you like a bellows, you lean in and press your forehead to his. “I don’t know what comes over me,” you admit, quiet enough for only him to hear. “It’s like a can’t think when he’s around. I can’t trust my own memory, or my mind at all.”

“Because the motherfucker is gaslighting you.” Max snorts, shifting back to his ‘normal’ form. “His heart speeds up half a beat when he lies. And it skips the every fifth beat while you’re melting down.”

“You should be a living lie detector.” Thinking about it for half a second after it comes out of your mouth, you huff. “An undead lie detector, technically. I guess.”

He chuckles. “I guess I should be. I’ll add it to my resume.”

“What a way to start the day.” It’s a miserable ruination of a perfectly good morning, and you sigh in Max’s arms.

“It just means the rest of our day will be on the upswing.” He murmurs, turning to press a kiss to your hair.

“We…” Looking around, you huff and look up, but your eyes only get as far as his chin. You’re too ashamed that he’s seen the power Derek apparently still holds over you to look him in the eyes like this. “We should get off the floor…”

“Only if you’re ready.” Max isn’t going to judge you for the way you reacted, he knows that the hold people have over someone is strong at times.

“You can’t be comfortable.” The automatic way you think of everyone else first is drilled into you so much that you don’t even realize you’re doing it most of the time. “And I promised Allison brunch. It wouldn’t be fair to have Mrs. Taylor do all that work and then not eat anything.”

“You can take a moment.” Max tuts softly, not wanting you to think that he’s admonishing you. He’s not. “I’m not going to die of a cramp. Brunch hours are still in full swing, and Mrs. Taylor thrives on making food for humans.”

“This is my moment. Right here.” Right here with him. This is the only way you could ever remotely be okay. “Normally encounters with that man leave me catatonic or privately inconsolable. The fact that I can even speak coherently right now is because of you.”

“Then I’m happy that I was here.” If he had been at work and this had happened, he would have been pissed.

"Pretty glad you decided to stay home," you admit, echoing his thoughts without knowing it.

“I am too, Queenie.” He hums softly and then gives a small chuckle. “Although you should never worry. Mrs. Taylor would have torn his head off if he had touched you. Everyone here really. We are protective of our human.”

"Then I feel very, very safe." Ironic, considering how many humans would fear for their lives in a house full of vampires, but you sit up in the middle of the ballroom floor and exhale slowly. "I just...I wonder how long he'll stay around. Or try to stay around, I guess."

He hums, knowing that the man had already sniffed out money. He wasn’t going away anytime soon. “I’m sure that he will move on soon, but for now, Eddie or I can run around town with you and Allison.”

"I can always take Mr. Taylor with me, too. If I need to." The older man looked far younger than his years, obviously, and having the strength of a vampire nearby could only be helpful in that department. "I'd hate to ask any of you to do it, though. To basically be my bodyguards until he's gone."

“You aren’t asking.” Max points out with a small smirk, dropping his hand to your and rubbing the back of it gently. “I know it might seem confining, like I’m punishing you, but I just want you to be safe.”

"Trust me, I know what being punished feels like." Shaking your head won't banish those particular memories, so you shift to your knees and start to stand. Slowly, of course. Since you've been crying and all. "This is the farthest thing from it."

Max frowns fiercely and opens his mouth to demand to know what you mean by that, but he doesn’t speak. He won’t push you to talk about things that you might not be coping with well. He helps you up and bites his lip as he brushes off your outfit, taking extra time on your ass.

"I can feel that, ya know." Teasing is good. It lightens the mood and it helps to break the tension of the last half hour.

“I would hope so.” He snickers, patting it once before dropping his hand.

“I should go up and apologize to Eddie and Allison.” You know that Eddie heard every word, and that Max was probably listening sharply every second he was out of the room. The only thing you want at this point is to alleviate any awkwardness that Derek’s unwelcome visit may have caused.

“You didn’t invite him here, sweetheart.” He doesn’t like your need to apologize for things beyond your control. “But I’ll go with you.”

“We’re right here.” Allison and Eddie stand at the bottom of the staircase, having waited until the sounds of argument and crying had stopped to come down from his room. “Honey.” With both arms outstretched, Allison hurries across the great hall to wrap you up in a hug. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Max steps back, motioning Eddie off to the side while Allison comforts you. Pleased that Eddie’s witchy girlfriend was such a good friend to you. He knows the other vampire heard him but he wants to put Eddie’s unique skills to use. “I want you to find out where this motherfucker is staying.” Eddie’s damn handy with a computer. “And why he decided to come to Newport. She won’t let me kill him…yet.”

“On it.” Eddie promises him, glancing past Max to make sure you’re okay with Allison. “He isn’t gonna like her being threatened when he finds out.” There is no doubt in the older vampire’s mind that their sire will find out everything that’s happened. It’s only a matter of when.

“No he won’t, but I am more concerned with her right now.” Max confesses quietly. “She almost instantly went back to the shy mouse she was when she arrived. I don’t like it, I don’t like him being here, threatening her peace.”

“We’ll get him out of town as fast as he came.” Eddie promises, his head bowed and expression uncharacteristically serious. He doesn’t take it lightly when his family is threatened — and you’re family. More than just being related to Cookie, you’re Max’s soulmate. You are a part of his clan and that is that.

“Thanks.” He might give Eddie a bunch of shit, a lot of the time, but that’s just playing around with him. He cares about the other vampire tremendously and he knows that Eddie has a tender spot for you. “I’m going to try to work from home as much as possible.”

“We can get you a positive Covid test,” Eddie offers instantly, knowing that though Mr. Taylor looks like a fairly run of the mill, ordinary man, his resources run deep. He can get any kind of blood or DNA they need - even infected. Some vampires like it. They think it tastes spicy. “Two weeks off, per company rules. If I remember your griping correctly.”

Max smirks, lifting a brow at Eddie. “Been thinking about using that at school, haven’t you?”

“It’s just the dumbass math credits.” Eddie huffs and rolls his eyes. “I’m forty fucking years old and I’ve never used calculus once.”

“And you never will.” Max admits with a roll of his eyes. “My favorite thing was when the math teachers told me I would never just carry a calculator in my pocket. Jokes on them.”

The smirk and half-snort it earns him from Eddie in agreement makes both men laugh, and Eddie nods after a moment. “We’re gonna take care of her,” he promises. “Whatever it takes.”

“I know, I just-“ he shrugs helplessly. “I feel vulnerable now.”

“That’s fair.” There’s nothing that Eddie can particularly say to change that. Not in this moment anyway, but he nods. “We should get him here,” he concedes. “We can keep her safe, but that would guarantee the rat bastard never sees the light of day again.”

"Have you figured out how to call him?" Max asks in amusement. He had never quite learned what peaked his interests or even how he had come to be restored after being destroyed by Evan and his little girlfriend.

“Mrs. Taylor knows.” Of that, Eddie is certain. “I’m not above calling in the big guns, and I know she can do it.”

"He might tell us to take this problem on ourselves and solve it." He doubts that, but oftentimes his sire could be difficult just because he could be.

“Not on something as important as your soulmate.” There is nothing their sire takes more seriously than protecting a soulmate.

"If this guy becomes a problem, I will ask Mrs. Taylor to call him." Because of his promise, he doesn't tell Eddie that he is already here. He just pretends that he has no clue where their shared sire is.

“Good.” For now Eddie just nods, knowing that Max has to be the one to take the reins on this. “For now, I’m gonna sort out that Covid test to buy you some time off and you should go be with her. Just…I can’t imagine the kind of hell she’s in.”

"She's more concerned with being a problem than having a problem because of this douche bag." Max shakes his head. "I just wish she knew that she doesn't have to pretend with us."

“She hasn’t been away from him that long.” If there’s one thing Eddie knows, it’s how twisted relationships can get. He may not have been in a situation quite as bad as yours, but he does understand it. “She’s not pretending, this is just how she reacts to things now. It’s conditioning. And over time she’ll be able to unlearn it as she feels safer and more supported with us. But that takes a lot of time.”

“It’s a good think we’ve got plenty of it.” Max frowns as he imagines the hell you must have lived with and guilt settles over his shoulders. “This is all my fault.”

“How?” Eddie frowns, glancing passed Max to see Allison leading you into the dining room with a soothing hand on your back. When he refocuses on Max he shoves his hands in his pockets. “How is that piece of shit possibly your fault?”

“Because when I got kicked out of college, that night I forgot I had a blind date set up.” Max waits for a second to see if it clicks with Eddie but the other vampire just frowns again in confusion. “I was supposed to go on a date with Dolly. And instead of meeting her soulmate, she met fuckface.”

“Oh fuck.” Teasing ceases immediately when he realizes that it’s not just blame Max has put on his own shoulders, it’s guilt. “You couldn’t have known, man. Not in a million years.”

“No? I should have.” Max had been kind of a douche, but he had respected people. Hadn’t wasted their time. He had failed you. “I should have remembered, and now she’s dealing with all this.” He waves his hand towards the door.

“So maybe instead of wallowing in it and feeling bad about something you can’t change, this is the time to take care of her.” He can’t fault Max for feeling bad, or for connecting those dots in his mind that have already become a chain, but he doesn’t want it to overwhelm the other vampire. “And that’s not suggesting that you aren’t taking care of her right now. I’m just saying keep doing it. Protect her. Support her. And for fuck’s sake, let’s get rid of this asshole.”

“I’ve offered to kill him.” Max reveals. “I wouldn’t even eat him, he’s too rotten.” It says a lot about you that you still wouldn’t let him kill the asshole, but Max had to give up his humanity in that aspect when he became a creature that preyed on humans.

"I can't imagine that that went over very well with Dolly." although Eddie would be lying if he claimed that he didn't want to do the same.

“She thanked me, but said no.” He huffs, a little amused at your politeness at it. “I don’t like feeling helpless, Ed.”

"No one does." Eddie assures him. And after a moment adds: "Do you want to go have brunch with her? It might help you feel better just to keep an eye on her."

“I took today off, I had planned on it, but now it’s assured.” He nods. “She said Allison was joining her? Are you planning on being there too?”

“I was planning on asking if they wanted more company or if they wanted to girl talk,” Eddie admits with a soft grin. His night with Allison had been fantastic and he had planned on telling Max all about it today — but other things took precedence.

“Then I say we both join them and make it seem like it was our plan all along.” Max hums, feeling slightly better now that he knows that the vampires he is closest with agree with his view. This Derek needs to disappear.

******

You don’t hesitate when Allison comes into the ballroom with her arms open, accepting her embrace and doing your best to maintain any sort of composure. “Hell of a morning,” you huff into her shoulder, trying to make it seem much less drastic than it feels.

“And not a single bit of it is your fault.” Eddie had told her about the meeting, relaying the conversation as it happened, so she doesn’t even pretend she doesn’t know what’s going on.

“It feels like it is.” It feels like everything wrong in the world is your fault, and it’s all weighing down on your shoulders.

“You never would have allowed him to come here.” She shakes her head. “So no, don’t let him ruin your special day.” She hugs you again fiercely and pulls back to look into your eyes. “You have your soulmate, your health, a beautiful house, friends, a coven.” She snorts. “Want me to call them over? We’ll put hexes on him.”

“Do hexes even take when the person is evil to begin with?” You snort softly and shake your head. “It’s not worth it. I just…I was working really hard to put him in my past. And now he’s…very much present again.”

“He’s only present if you allow him to be.” She hums as she turns to wrap her arm around you and guide you out of the ballroom and towards the dining room. “He’s virtually a stranger to you now. You don’t owe him a hello.”

“It’s not quite as easy as that,” you tell her honestly, but don’t resist being led into the next room. Misery may love company but it’s stolen away your appetite, though that doesn’t mean Mrs. Taylor’s magical cooking won’t bring it back.

“Explain it to me, love.” She rubs your back to soothe you. She can’t claim to know that part of your life, despite the things that you have confided in her and the others, but she’s never lived it.

“It’s like…having a light switch in my back. It’s one that he put there and I don’t know to turn it off or take it out.” There is probably a far more eloquent way to describe the sensation, but it fully escapes you this morning. “The switch is just never off. And somehow, when he’s around? It finds another level. I have no fight or flight anymore. It’s just survival mode. I am constantly just clawing desperately at survival but that switch? The fact that it’s on takes up all of my energy. I can’t think, I definitely can’t fight back, I just…melt down.”

Her jaw tightens and if he were in front of her, Allison would punch that asshole dead in his mouth. It sounds like Derek has trained your reactions to fit his dark aura, feeding off of your panic. “You have had it rough.” She murmurs sympathetically, her heart breaking at the grief in your tone. “But, that is the past and now we will make sure that he regrets trying to come back into your life.”

“I just…want him to leave.” Everything was going so well, and you were starting to adjust. Things were looking up for the first time since…well, since your parents died. “I don’t even care what else happens to him. I just want him to go.”

“He can be barred from the estate.” She reminds you quietly. “You hold the power this time.”

“That would just make me terrified to leave the property.” While she might technically be correct, you know yourself. And you know that other problems would arise. "I’d develop agoraphobia in under a week.”

“Max or Eddie should be with you.” Allison immediately ventures. “Or even Mrs. Taylor or Renee. But I think that Derek would be more wary of another man.”

"He wouldn't even blink at me being out with you or one of the girls or Renee. Mrs. Taylor might give him pause, but only because he's kind of afraid of his mother. It would wear off quickly." It does occur to you, though, that Max really is a bit like your guard dog at the moment. And while some others might find it unsettling you find it to be the most comforting fact in the world. "I'll just work my schedule around Max's work schedule. We don't have a coven meeting this week anyway, and it's not as if Mrs. Taylor takes me grocery shopping with her."

“Don’t restrict yourself to the estate.” She urges quietly. “Go out, be seen with your soulmate.”

"There aren't too many places I even go." Over the last few weeks it's been expanding, but that number will surely shrink again in no time. "And Derek wouldn't even know what a dance studio looks like, let alone how to find one."

“Doesn’t matter if he will find you or not.” She shakes her head, guiding you to the table and pulling out a chair for you. There are four place settings, so she assumes that Eddie and Max will be joining you and she’s glad of it. “The point is you not isolating yourself.”

"I'm staying home today," you tell her firmly, not willing to bend on that point. "Anything beyond that...I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Does that count as compromise?"

“Perfect.” She can’t blame you, not at all, and she smiles softly. “I think today is a lovely day to stay in.”

"Tell me all about your night?" Places are set but there is no trace of Mrs. Taylor just yet, and you reach over the table to squeeze Allison's hand. "Please? It will distract me."

“I don’t know how to even describe it.” Allison can’t help but giggle at the mere mention of the night before, blushing furiously. “Magical? Incredible? We talked all night.”

"Just talked?" There is almost a smile on your lips, a half-hearted attempt at the expression tucking itself into the corner of your mouth like a smirk as you raise an eyebrow at her.

“Maybe not just talked.” She admits with a small sigh, looking positively dreamy.

"And you weren't even sure he liked you back." The absolute, pure happiness on your friend's face is the best balm you could ask for right now, reminding you that there are so many good things in the world to combat the bad.

“How was I supposed to know?” She cries out, even if she’s grinning, practically beaming.

“All that matters is you’re happy now.” They have both been such sweet friends to you that seeing them happy together is a marvel. It really feels like these two dear friends had been put in each other’s paths on purpose, it just took them a little while to inch slowly closer to each other on that path.

“And you?” She asks softly, arching a brow. “How did last night go?” She hopes that Max standing beside you is a good indication of the night, but she wants to hear it from you.

“It was…” Your cheeks warm again instantly, happy memories casting a glow over your features that even the events of the last half hour can’t mar. “Pretty perfect, honestly. Everything about it.”

“You were so nervous about dinner, how did you like the tavern?” Allison asks, grinning at the dreamy expression that’s taken over your face. It apparently went really well, and she wonders if you slept in Max’s arms like she did in Eddie’s last night.

“It was really fancy, but it was so romantic.” The entire meal had been like a dance, and as much as you had felt overwhelmingly out of place in the beginning, by the end you didn’t even notice anyone else was there. “And that dance studio invited us back. We were…We were talking about maybe doing a competition together in the future.”

“Really?” Her eyes light up, knowing how much you’ve loved dancing in the past. The fact that you are talking about doing it means that you probably will, since Max is more of a action kind of man than a talker.

“The whole thing was perfect.” You shrug slightly, the light in your eyes dimming a little when you do. “And then we got this, this morning.”

“Max isn’t upset at you, he’s not mad.” Allison reminds you. “He’s probably feeling pretty damn protective right now.”

“I can’t imagine why any of you even still want to spend time with me, knowing what I’m really like.” That mouse — that broken, beaten down, terrified version of yourself colours everything so deeply when it comes out that you can’t manage to see that the rest of who you are is still very much there. And it always has been. It’s just that you’ve been frightened into shutting her up into a small closet in the corner of your mind. It’s only since you got to Newport that you’ve even remembered how to open the door again.

“I see a strong woman.” Allison frowns at your description of yourself. “One who has survived things that I could never fully understand. I admire you, Dolly. You could be embittered, harsh and cold. But you are still amazing warm and compassionate, friendly and loving. Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with you? Me or anyone else?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see myself the way you seem to,” you admit softly. The way she defends you so fiercely, even to your yourself, is heartening. You just feel so tired from finding out that this fight — with him, for yourself and for your freedom — isn’t over yet.

“I think you will.” She tilts her head playfully. “When you realize that you have an immortal soulmate who would destroy to protect you, you’ll see how strong you are.”

“Maybe.” There’s no use arguing about it, of course, and anything is possible. Even if it isn’t likely. “Maybe one day I’ll find the edge of this shell and crack my way out of it. Until then, I’m just very glad to have people in my life who don’t mind a little bit of nuttiness.”

“Haven’t you noticed?” Allison laughs, wide eyed. “We’re all nuts here. It’s part of our charm.”

Her honest, full-throated laughter helps you relax just a touch more and you smile. “Maybe that’s why I’m so comfortable here after all.”

“Perhaps.” She teases, reaching out and buffing your shoulder slightly. “Otherwise, you would have run for the hills. A strange inheritance, vampires? It’s almost unbelievable.”

“It’s the three-volume gothic novel I always wanted,” you admit, a small and slightly guilty grin cracking your expression. “I just never thought I’d be in the story.”

“It’s much better than reading it, isn’t it?” She laughs. “I never thought I would have the supporting actress roll to a wonderful main character, and I love it.”

“You are second to no one, honey. Never. You are vibrant and loving and you are definitely leading lady material.” Nothing about Allison’s personality says anything but shining star, and you’ll tell her that every day.

“No, I like the supporting role.” She insists with a giggle. “It’s not bad at all. Plus, I’ve discovered a new best friend because of all this.

"And you finally got your man." Your smile quirks slightly, and you grin in amusement. "Well...vampire."

"Man enough." Allison snorts, grinning back at you and biting her lip. "Although we didn't do that. Yet."

"Neither did we." It would have been too much for the very first night together, and it would have made this morning all the more devastating to be interrupted the way that you were.

"Do you wish you had?" She asks curiously. "Since you had that unpleasant visitor?"

"Honestly I think it would have made this morning even worse," you admit, though you aren't sure if you'll follow your logic. "It would have been an even ruder interruption and I would have felt all the more exposed."

"I can appreciate that." She hums, biting her lip and reaching out to touch your hand. "I know that having a drink to calm your nerves isn't your style, is there something that does help?" She asks, wanting to help you move past your anxiety from your ex's visit.

"Tea." It seems like a funny thing to say out loud, or at least a thing that makes you sound like an old British lady, but it's true. "Max was talking about helping with some renovations on the teahouse. Taking out the stove and replacing it with a fireplace to make it a little more witchy and a little less mid-60s."

"Ohhhhhh." Her eyes widen and heart practically appear in their depths, falling in love with the idea. "That would be amazing, wouldn't it? What do you think? That's the most important question, of course."

"I think if he ever can't find me, the first place he needs to look is my little medieval witch teahouse paradise." The thought is just as dreamy to you as it seems to be to Allison and you're glad that it is one more thing that you will be able to share with your friend. "And I think we should take the chance to build a small altar in the teahouse, too. The bookshelf is just the right height to put it on top."

"I think that would be a good idea." She nods. "You should be able to take anything out of the tower you would want to make it more your own."

"If you had asked me when I got here, I would have said that I would never get used to living in a place like this, but it's become home so quickly."

"Cookie always said that this house was meant to be a home." Allison muses.

"And she was right about that." Eddie says from the doorway, flashing both you and Allison a warm smile before rounding the table to kiss Allison's cheek and sit down in the chair to her right.

“Awwww, how sweet.” Max is right behind him, doing the exactly same thing for you, even though he’s busting Eddie’s balls. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” He asks softly after bussing your cheek gently.

“I’m starting to feel a little better.” It’s a miracle that you are, since recovery was never exactly something you experienced when you were dealing with Derek on your own.

“We’ll have you feeling amazing by the end of brunch. Completely forgetting about this little interruption in our day.” Max reaches for your hand as soon as he sits down and kisses the back of it.

“I was just telling Alli about the tea house plans,” you tell him, already feeling that much safer with him beside you and reassuring you.

“You’ve decided you want to do it?” Max looks thrilled that you like the idea. “I can guarantee you will love it. And Mr. Taylor knows a crew that can have it done in days.”

“It doesn’t have to be rushed.” After all, besides you and Allison, everyone else has all the time is the world. “But I think it would be really nice. I can add a second altar on top of the bookshelf and have it be a little more casual than the altar space in the tower.

“It would be nice to have before the snows come.” Eddie agrees, nodding eagerly. “It can be even cozier and I bet a little bat would love to bask in front of the fire.”

Allison giggles at the image and you smile a little wider than you had been a moment ago. “I can see it now. A little bat window in the door instead of a cat door.” You muse, just imagining how silly that is as Mrs. Taylor comes in with a pot of tea and a carafe of warm blood.

Max rolls his eyes, still not aware that Allison knows he’s the bat in question, but he grins at you. “I think Cutie would like to hang out there with you.”

The soft, giggling laugh that Allison lets free is barely stifled, and you squeeze Max’s hand gently. “Apparently,” you murmur after thanking Mrs. Taylor for pouring your tea. “Cookie had told the coven a little while ago. About your…other form.”

Max’s eyes widen and he looks startled. For once looking like prey instead of a predator. “Oh.” He grunts. “So- you all knew it was me? That night?” He asks the other witch.

“We didn’t think it would be nice to tell your secret before you were ready to tell her yourself,” Allison confesses. “It just seemed very sweet to us. That you felt so attached and protective over Dolly so early on.”

“I couldn’t explain it at the time.” Max admits, knowing he’s told you the same thing. “I just needed to know she was safe.”

"I promise you." Her eyes move for Max over to you and back again. "Whenever she's with the coven, we'll keep her safe." She never could hae understood the real threat before, but now that she does? She is ready and willing to be on the front lines with you.

You welfare is the most important thing, so Max nods seriously. “Is there- I don’t know - some kind of protection spell you can do?”

“I’ve never been very good with spell work,” you murmur, always having felt like a bad witch for it. Your best strengths in witchcraft were when you were young, and you would routinely craft lucky charms for friends or loved ones. “Candace and Tracy and I are,” Allison offers. “We can teach you. Help you work on your spells if you want to. And if you don’t, we’ll just make sure the estate has a damn good protective barrier.” “There are supplies in the tower, should require specialized items.” Mrs. Taylor offers when she re-enters the room. Quiche, salad, fresh scones with jam and clotted cream, and a tray of arrayed meats that includes blood sausages all fill out the brunch table well.

“Mrs. Taylor would know.” Max muses. “Has the entire estate catalogued. Knows down to the number of spare toothbrushes in the cabinets for guests.”

“Seven.” Mrs. Taylor reports without flinching. She makes sure that everything is set out well and nods. Having learned that you like meal times but aren’t as formal as the last mistress of the house, she’s switched to serving meals family style. It seems to be going well. “There is dessert if you have room for it,” she tells you with a smile. “If not, it will be lovely with afternoon tea. But if you’ll excuse me, I will collect some things from the tower that Ms. Brown favored for protection spells.” And like that, she is gone again in the blink of an eye.

“Leave it to her.” Max wraps his arm around the back of your chair. “Most of the supplies will be in your tea house by the time you finish your first scone.”

“I don’t doubt it.” And you don’t think you ever would doubt Mrs. Taylor. Not when it comes to her ability to get things done.

“Everything looks so good.” Allison moans, looking over the table with astonishment. It was supposed to be a simple brunch, but the housekeeper had outdone herself.

“Dig in.” You encourage, nudging the silver carafe on the table toward Max first. A conversation with Mrs. Taylor the other day about blood consumption had lead to this particular idea and you wanted to know how he felt about it.

“This is new.” Max hums, looking over at you with a raised brow. “What made you decide to try this?”

“We’re trying out a slightly less formal way of doing things.” The meal all set out in the table and the slightly more formal China — at least, it isn’t the priceless one-of-a-kind French Limoges China set that Cookie had favoured — and now warm blood in coffee cups instead of wine glasses. It’s all a little more normal. Or at least as normal as this household might ever get. “Is it okay with you?” You look over at Eddie, who is helping Allison fill her plate. “I just thought everyone would be more comfortable without feeling like things had to be hidden.”

“Are you okay with it?” That’s what’s most important to him. While he’s consumed blood around you, you had never been aware of it. Teacups aren’t exactly inconspicuous.

“I want to be.” The best you can do is be honest with him, and this is your honest answer. “I want to do my best to understand, and to normalize blood in this house. Because you all deserve to exist as yourselves just as much as any of us do.”

“Vampire rights.” Max grins, finding it charming that you would be so concerned about it. “You are so damn sweet.”

“You’re my soulmate,” you remind him, though to your surprise it’s the first time that a different set of words has ardently risen to the top of your mind in their place. “I want you to be happy and comfortable.” Obviously, they all know now how little comfort and happiness there has really been in your life.

“And that’s my wish for you.” He counters. “So we’ll try this, but if it makes you queasy or uncomfortable, we won’t do it again.”

“Deal.” Of course you can’t blame him for being gentle with you. Not after this morning.

He grins, sending you a small wink before pulling his arm from around you. “Good, Dolly, let’s fix your plate.” He murmurs. “We worked up an appetite last night.”

“Dancing,” you clarify, knowing that Eddie has to have heard every second of what went on between you and Max last night and not knowing how much Max will have told him about yet. There’s still a smile in the corner of your mouth, though, and heat in your cheeks. You are know it was more than just dancing.

“Not that much dancing.” Max snorts. “Don’t get embarrassed sweetheart, we’re among friends.” He teases you. “Eddie wasn’t listening to your breathy moans because he was listening to Allison’s.”

Even though your ears burn immediately, Allison is the one who blushes furiously, and you both end up laughing. “That’s…that’s a fair point,” she admits. “I guess we’re all destined to a lot more breakfasts for four from now on.”

“And that will make Mrs. Taylor’s panties cream.” Max snorts, grinning devilishly.

“Nobody needs that image,” Eddie protests, practically cringing as he takes the carafe of blood from in front of Max to pour his own cup. He’s laughing though, underneath it, and Allison snorts and shakes her head.

“Mr. Taylor is very happy about that.” Despite being the less visible of the two, the vampire soulmate of the housekeeper was still desperate in love with his mate, despite the passage of time.

“They’re a very sweet pair.” Although both vampires do their utmost to be professional around you, you had seen them being affectionate more than once as you passed by the pair and they had always struck you as very much in love and like the unofficial parents of the rest of the staff.

“The stories they can tell.” Max tuts, rolling his eyes. “Never had so many ‘historical’ movies ruined in all my life.” It’s a joke, one meant to lighten the mood and turn it playful.

“I can’t wait to hear them all.” It sounds like the most heavenly pastime in the world to you, to sit and listen to all of those stories, and you can’t help the dreamy tone in your voice. “That sounds amazing.”

Eddie smirks at Max, having figured that you would enjoy that. “You know, one day, Mrs. Taylor should show you how to wear all the different styles of clothes. Have a little try on session.” He suggests.

“You love dress up, you know you do.” Allison smiles at the idea. She’s seen you with some of those dresses already and how you light up with historical fashion. “That…does sound like fun.” You have to admit that, as all four of you start your meal.

******

The rest of the day seemingly passed easy enough. You had slowly shed the unease that Derek’s visit had left under the guise of Max’s less than subtle flirting and teasing. Never anything that could be considered mean, all of it meant to make you feel good. When you had finally fallen asleep in his arms, Max sighs, tightening his hold on you as if to protect you in sleep.

It’s probably owing to having a protector that can and will sit up all night that you actually manage to fall asleep. The fear that lays deep in your bones hasn’t entirely dissipated over the course of the day and you’re reasonably assured to have nightmares about Derek breaking into your house or sneaking into your room to hurt you. Or, you would have. If you didn’t have a small army of very protective vampires to watch over you.

The door knob twists slowly, causing Max to snap his head towards the door. He hadn’t heard anyone approach so it must be him. Watching still as the door starts to swing open like a ghost, the darkness of the hallway concealing him before he steps into view. His eyes are fixed on the bed. Not on Max, but on you. Soft and yearning in a way that he had never seen on his sire’s face beyond when he was with Cookie. There’s a love there that Max can’t begin to understand and yet he realizes that you are so much more than just a random relative of the late witch.

He holds up one hand to indicate he will not be speaking and does not want Max to speak. Instead he focuses all of his attention solely on you, and steps closer to your side of the bed as he begins to filter through your thoughts and past the barrier of your dreams. From the haze of sleep, it is suddenly a crisp spring morning with birds singing outside the kitchen window of your childhood home. The smell of coffee and pancakes and something reminiscent of minerals and earth tickle your nose as you sit at the breakfast table with your father. And…two older people. You recognize them but can’t remember their names, though the part of your mind not engaged in Sleep insists this is Yayo and his wife. But you never made up a wife for Yayo. Did you? But you must have — or else how did she get into your dream…

It’s amazing that you are awake, but you’re not. Your eyes are open, but there is still the glaze of sleep in your eyes. It’s something that he knows vampires can do, but he’s never actually witnessed it before.

“But why can’t we go?” You ask, young and afraid of missing out on any opportunity for an adventure. Being denied a chance at going on a trip seems cruel to your little mind.

He smiles indulgently, careful to not reach for you since your mother was so wary of him being here. “Muñequita wishes to go, mija.” He urges, and his wife, beautiful and graceful, nods. “She will be at such a disadvantage in her destiny if you continue to shield her from her powers.” She hums. “By her age, you were already in control of your spells and you’ve barely taught her the basics!”

"She has her whole life ahead of her, Papa." You mother, hair perpetually tied back under a kerchief and long blouses always flowing over her jeans, doesn't take her eyes off the pancakes on the griddle in front of her even when your father gets up from the table to take things out of the oven. Bacon. The smell fills the kitchen and makes you grin happily, barely registering what the adults are talking about. "She doesn't need to be spending her summers surrounded by wizened old witches who want to poke and prod her or vampires who think they can experiment on her. She'll come into her powers just fine on her own if she really is what you think she is."

He hisses under his breath, a quick scowl to show his displeasure. “There has already been enough running from destiny in this family.” He reminds her, arching a brow and settling a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “We had once thought you would be the one to take this role.”

"I know you did." When she puts the last pancakes on the platter and sets it down in the middle of the table, your mother ruffles your hair affectionately and pours you a glass of orange juice before starting to serve breakfast to the assembled family. "But I chose a human life instead. And I will not apologize for being happy."

“I have a human life.” Your grandmother reminds her, the tone slightly sharp due to the insult she has just subtly given both her and her father. “And it has been a glorious one, as you might recall.”

"But I am not human." The quiet reminder from your mother isn't angry, but it is the point. "And I know that you aren't happy that I've chosen to live as one, but it is what I have chosen."

“But you are better than a human.” Yayo insists. “The best of both species and yet you squander your life.” He views this as a rejection of the life he has given her, could give you and it irks.

"I'm happy, Papa. I have a job that I love, my wonderful husband, and my baby. Would you be happier if I had never given you a granddaughter? If I had stayed in your house to be constantly miserable for as many more centuries as I'll live?" Life in that house had been so happy early on, that she hates that it is now a sticking point. Happiness is all she's ever wanted and she cannot see why her parents would not let her decide what that would mean.

“You could have been happy with Emanuel!” His voice dips down with sorrow and underlying fury. “That house was built for you and your mother. The first stone set the day I learned a miracle had occurred.”

The look exchanged between your father and mother at the mention of a name you don't know makes you uneasy, an acute pain twitching in the back of your mind even if you don't understand quite what it is. "I'll see your house one day, Yayo." You promise your grandfather brightly, as though that would smooth the entire argument over without further question. "But I'm not big enough for it yet."

“Of course you will, muñequita.” Instantly, his attention is back on you, his smile soft and reassuring, like it always is. “One day it will be yours.”

"One day." The devout love you have for your parents is different than the affection you have for your grandfather. Even at eight years old, he is your best friend and biggest fan. Phone calls, letters, gifts, and even flowers arriving to your front door born by big men with embroidered shirts always make it into your little hands with glee. "But not yet. Not until I'm bigger. But then I;ll be big enough to read all your books."

“No.” Your mild mannered, polite and always agreeable father snaps, slapping the pan he had been holding down on the counter. “No, you will not be reading anything that he has.”

"Daddy?" The moment startles everyone in the room, you most of all, and your mother stands up from the table immediately to move to her husband's side. Her eyes are still on her parents, though, and she takes a deep breath. "I think it's time for you both to go," she decides, her hand gently massaging her husband's arm to calm him. "It's been a nice weekend, but I think we should cut it short before there's any more arguing."

“Mija-“ Your grandfather reaches out to his daughter, nearly blanching at the idea of leaving but she shakes her head. Making him freeze when she growls. “Darling, your father is-“ your grandmother stands, nearly wringing her hands as she tries to diffuse the tension. “I’m tired of the excuses, the what ifs and the what should have beens.” Your father rants. “You cannot accept that your daughter wants the life that she lives, that she chose after living for over one hundred years, then you are no longer welcomed in it.” He turns to his wife and shakes his head. “I’m sorry, baby, I’ve kept quiet, I’ve tried to support you, but all they do is insist you have the life they choose. You told me that if they started up again, you were done. Well, here we are.”

******

The feeling of drowning reaches into your dream, pulling you out of it which such a violent rip that you find yourself gasping and sitting straight up in bed, clawing at the blankets that were tucked up around your neck and shoulders. Max is right beside you still, you feel him sit up next to you the split second you realize you're awake. But there is another figure in the room. Soft, dark curls. A round face with mysterious eyes. That proud smile tucked up in the corner of his mouth as he watches you just as carefully as he always has. It takes a second, but you know you're not dreaming anymore. And you've just had either the most vivid dream of your life, or somehow the explanation for how real that felt will be much, much stranger. "Y—Yayo?" Is he really standing in front of you? Flesh and blood and as real as the morning sun pushing back against the curtains drawn over your bedroom windows.

Pride swells in his chest, just like it did every time he had heard his ‘nickname’ fall from your lips. “Good morning, muñequita.” He hums quietly, eyes alight with happiness. “It is so good to see you again, granddaughter.”

______

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beansterpie · 3 months

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K I threw together a translation for the new es21 anniversary chapter! There's probably mistakes and some awkward phrasing because I always end up prioritizing accuracy over flow rip. Hopefully the way I've formatted this isn't a total pain to read. I recommend looking at the page first, and then referring to the translation when you can't read something. I skipped any panels that don't have dialogue/text so just reading the translations might be confusing. Anyway it's under the cut!

(Lol sorry I didn't bother translating character blurbs on the right)

Page 1 Panel 1: Announcer: “Noooooww, there’s barely any time left on the clock! This final play will decide the outcome of the match!!” Panel 2: “One of these teams will command the University American Football World!! Panel 3: Which one will it be!? Panel 4: Two star players who once fought together now face off— Panel 5: in this Final Decisive Match”

Page 2-3 Panel 1: Eyeshield 21 aka: Kobayakawa Sena!! VS. The Commander from Hell: Hiruma Yoichi!! Panel 2: Set, Hut!!!

Cover page (4-5): Their First Collision!! Sena [Eyeshield 21] and Hiruma [the one who named him (literally the ‘parent’ who named him)]—

Page 6 Panel 1: [Some months earlier—] Panel 3: DEVILBAT GHOST!!

Page 7 Panel 1: TRIDENT TACKLE!!!

Page 8-9 Panel 1: The ball was fumbled!! Whichever team manages to claim it will win….!! Panel 2: [An American Football rule you can understand in 1 SECOND] Devilbat: YA—HA— It’s stupidly simple! Carry the ball to the enemy line and score (a touchdown)! DB jr.: You can get around 7 points! Panel 4: Monta: CATCH MAX!!! Panel 5: Suzuna: YA—!!! Panel 6: Announcer: The Kanto representatives for the Japanese National American Football University Championships is the team lead by Eyeshield 21 aka. Kobayakawa Sena— the Enma Fires…..!!!!

Page 10 Panel 1: Sakuraba: You really got revenge on us this year. It’s frustrating but it was our total defeat….! Panel 2: Sena: Though, one-on-one, for the most part I couldn’t really get past you (Shin-san) until the very end… Panel 4: Shin: undecipherable Panel 6: Ootawara: OOOOHHHHH MAKE SURE YOU HIT THEM HARD ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US, KURITA—!! Panel 7: Takami: Finally, you’ve earned the right to challenge the undefeated champions Page 11 Panel 1 & 2: Takami: The championship finals against the team lead by Hiruma, the Saikyodai Wizards— at the Koushien Bowl….!!! Panel 3: Sena: Yes….!!

Page 12 Panel 4: Monta: Mukya! What the hell, we can’t get into the club room! Riku: Looks like we have a few visitors— Panel 5: Crowd: The United States President’s son?? Even SP (I believe this is a tv channel) is here… Page 13 Panel 3: Sena: T-this is way too crazy… Kurita: To clear away people like this…..

Page 14 Panel…2?: Hiruma: Kekekekeke, you’re late fucking Fatty and fucking Shrimps Panel 3: Kurita: HIRUMA! Sena: —san!! Monta: And that guy’s from the American Match, the ultimate boss… wait actually, he’s a NFL player now! Page 15 Panel 1: It’s the President’s Junior, Mr. Don….!! Panel 2: Don: An ordinary person goes to a foreign country to run rampant for their own entertainment. A champion (or king lol) goes to a foreign country to express his respect. Panel 3: Don: In this country, it seems excessive meddling from pros in the affairs of amateurs isn’t appreciated, so I’ll get straight to the heart of the matter. Panel 4: Don: Together we will fight and acquire the throne. I’ve come to welcome/receive one hero. Panel 6: Kurita: ?? Monta: What does that mean? Sena: Isn’t this excessive meddling…..

Page 16 Panel 1: Crack! Panel 2: Sena: ….?? Inside my shoulder pad… Panel 3: Sena: What is this, it’s tiny… A white chip? Monta: Ooh, it’s in our shoulder pads too!! Riku: Since when… Panel 4: Hiruma: It’s called an RFID (radio frequency identification (apparently lol)) chip. When you have this on— Panel 5: Glasses: The current location of each player can be determined and measured by inches. Stats like speed and acceleration, it can analyze all data in real time. Enma Babes (presumably): A SCI-FI MACHINE LIKE THAT EXISTS!? Page 17 Panel 1: Don: There’s nothing Sci-Fi about it. Within the NFL world, all players have been using this for a number of years now. Sena & Monta: REALLY!!? Hiruma: They even have them inside the balls. Since you can measure the rotations that way Devibat: It’s true!! DB jr.: The actual pro sports world sure is turning into something amazing! Panel 2: Riku: So, this data analysis chip… Panel 3: Riku: Why are they in our protective equipment…?? Sena: I mean, there’s only one person in this world who would be devilish enough to quietly do something like that… Panel 4: Glasses: With this hoard of collected data, and by using the help of something like Google Brain, we can rely on machine learning to— Sena: Goo… what? Machine…?? Panel 5: Don: How sad~ Oohh, AI, AI! Civilization has simply taken the human privilege of ‘thinking’, and given it up to machines.

Page 18 Panel 1: Don: Most of all, humanity’s been dulled by favoritism, politics and social correctness. Well, compared to a slow/primitive ruler, it’s (AI) infinitely more reliable. Panel 2: [For our team to reach victory, what kind of player is indispensable? The answer provided by the AI was—] Panel 3: A running back with the speed of light! Or— A phantasmagoric (look it up) quarterback! Panel 5: Glasses: International Player Pass Way Program. In short, there is one slot available for a foreign student trainee as the Japanese representative. Don: Which means that we would be receiving you into our team. Page 19 Panel 1: Kobayakawa Sena, Hiruma Yoichi: between the two of you, only one—

Page 20 Panel 3: (I believe this is some sort of form that Sena filled out about what he wants to pursue after graduation— he says after graduation he wants to become a pro American Football athlete) Panel 4: Hiruma: With my physical abilities, I won’t be able to get into the NFL the usual way. Panel 5: Hiruma: Obviously, I’ll struggle for the top even if it kills me. That’s the thing that makes it fun….! Page 21 Panel 1: Don: When I consulted the man at the top, Panther, about which one to pick— he gave me a truly straightforward answer. Panel 2: Panther: Hm? Well they’re going to have a confrontation directly in the Koshien Bowl, aren’t they? Panel 3: Panther: Sena VS. Hiruma!! We’ll just take whoever wins. Because, isn’t that American Football…!!

Page 22 Panel 1: Sena: …… this contest against Hiruma-san, I’m glad that it’s an American football match. Panel 2: Sena: If it wasn’t, there’s no way I could win against Hiruma-san, you’d bring out your blackmail book and in an instant…. Hiruma: Kekeke, seems like you understand the situation reeeeal well Panel 3: Sena: I mean, whether it’s Don-san’s AI verdict or the pro tryouts— if you put your mind to it, you could use your blackmail book to get whatever you wanted. But, Hiruma-san, when it comes to American football, you’ve always…. you’ve always— Panel 5: Toss~ Panel 6: Hiruma: Well, since I’m going to win against you and become a top pro, I don’t need this thing. Page 23 Panel 5: Sena: But, the one who’ll win is me

Page 24 Sena: I’ll go to defeat you with all my strength. So, Hiruma-san, you also— Hiruma: Kekeke, naturally Page 25 Panel 1: HANSHIN KOSHIEN STADIUM Panel 3: Kurita: Truthfully, I want to root for both of their dreams— For Sena-kun, and for Hiruma. But if I really can’t choose both—

Page 26-27 Panel 1: Kurita: FUNNURABAAA!!!!! Panel 2: Kurita: For the sake of my team, and for Sena-kun’s sake, I’ll defeat Hiruma…..!!! Panel 3: Announcer: Koshien Bowl, the final, decisive match! Against the Saikyodai Wizards, made up of all star members throughout the country— Panel 4: Announcer: Somehow!! The Enma Fires are just slightly in the lead!! Panel 5: Gaou: Fuh… Half of American football is decided by the power of the line. This is the unmatched power of Kurita when he has something to protect….!!!

Page 28 Panel 1: Announcer: Noooooww, there’s barely any time left on the clock! This final play will decide the outcome of the match!! Panel 2: Announcer: Two star players who once fought together now face off— Panel 3: Announcer: In this Final Decisive Match!! Panel 4: Announcer: Eyeshield 21 aka. Kobayakawa Sena!! Vs. The Commander from Hell, Hiruma Yoichi!! Page 29 Panel 1: Hiruma: KILL! KILL! Panel 2: Suzuna: K.I.L.L…..to kill? What’s it mean? Doburoku: In American football, it’s a sign that’s given by the pitcher. It means to completely kill the strategy that had been agreed upon. To put it simply, it’s a signal to hurriedly reset the strategy of the play. Panel 3: Mizumachi: After seeing our defense formation, looks like they want to change things up! Panel 4: Sena: Hiruma-san’s— that ever-changing adaptability’s strength—

Page 30 Panel 1: Hiruma: Kill— Panel 4: Unsui: NO!! THERE HASN’T BEEN ANY CHANGE IN HIS PLAN!! Page 31 Panel 1: Hiruma (I think): This was just a snap counter from the get go— A signal to start the play after the 4th KILL…!!! Panel 2: Enma player: Shit, even though we know what kind of guy he is! Enma player 2: He’s gonna throw a pass— Enma player 3: No, don’t let Hiruma trick you! He’s not throwing— he’s still holding it!! Panel 3: This is a run….!! Panel 5: Shit, that’s wrong, it’s a pass after all….!!!

Page 32 TOUCHDOOOOWN!!! Page 33 Panel 1: Hiruma: YA— HA—!!! Panel 2: Announcer: The final decisive battle was completely controlled by the sorcerer of the field-- Hiruma Yoichi! (there's actually a word in this line I don't understand lol, but this should be the general gist) Panel 3: Announcer: In a sudden turnabout victory, the Saikyodai Wizards win the championship—

Page 34 Panel 1: Announcer: —No, the remaining time on the clock is 1 second!! Panel 2: Hiruma: !! Taka: That was my bad. Panel 3: Taka: On the ground was Sena-kun with his light speed, and in the air Monta was closing in. I had no choice but to catch the ball one second earlier than planned. Panel 5: Unsui (presumably): — 1 second left. Whether we laugh or cry about it, this will be the final play— Page 35 Panel 1: Sena: These sort of seriously close calls… I dunno if you’d call it deja vu or— Panel 2: Monta: That’s right! This is the kind of cliff’s edge that we’ve run along a bunch of times! Panel 3: Agon: Aaaahhh? Ain’t this match already certain victory— Panel 4: Agon: —If we weren’t up against the tiny trash brigade, that is. Hiruma: Kekeke yo~~~ You also know what’s up huh, fucking dreads. Panel 6: Yamato: That’s right, all of us should know by now well enough that it hurts. Panel 7: Yamato: That there are demon-like men out there whose power explodes during dire straits like this.

Page 36 Panel 1: That there was once a miraculous team called the Devilbats— Panel 2: Hiruma: The last play will be Eyeshield 21! They’ll 100,000,000,000% comes at us with Sena’s run!! Anything else is a ruse, completely ignore it, don’t even think 1mm that it’ll be anything else!! Panel 3: Unsui: There’s only one way to go: Sena’s run. All of us will open a path!! Page 37 Panel 1 & 2: Sena’s Run, Complete Specialized All Star Team!! VS. Anti-Sena formation, Complete Specialized All Star Team!!

Page 38: — DON! Page 39 Panel 1: Announcer: Remaining time: 0 seconds! Panel 2: Announcer: With this last play, it’s game set! Panel 4: Yamabushi: Rodio Drive!! Are they coming with Riku!? Taka: No— Panel 6: Riku: Sena…!!

Page 40 Panel 3: IKKYUU…!! Panel 4: How can he reach it, to go into a cut from such a distance…..

Page 42 Panel 1: Sena: UUOOOOOOOOHH!! Panel 2: Mamori: Sena…! Panel 3: Ikkyuu: That guy’s too damn fast— I already knew that but…..!! Panel 4: Announcer: Sure enough, in the end they went with the light speed running back, Eyeshield 21!!! Page 43 Panel 1: Mizumachi: Uha! I said make way! Panel 3: Chuubou: A path for Sena-senpai….!!!

Page 44-45 Panel 3: Announcer: He’s passed everyone! At this rate it’s a touchdown—!!! Panel 4: Hiruma: Kekeke, dig out your eyeballs and give them a good wash— take another look. It’s not over. Panel 5: Kid: He’ll stand in the way— in the end, the ultimate opponent—

Page 46 Panel 1: AGON!!! Page 47 Panel 2: Shin: Sena’s Devilbat Ghost has been fully realized. Panel 3: Shin: It’s a perfect technique for a runner to get past his opponent. The Optimal Technique/Solution.

Page 48 Panel 2: vvrrrrr (vibration sounds) Panel 3: Glasses: The Optimal Solution for this situation is none other than the Devilbat Ghost. But even then, Agon who possesses inherent superhuman reaction speed will likely stop him. Panel 4: [That is the judgement the machine learning system has made based on the real time analysis from the RFID chip] Page 49 Panel 3: Shin: The essential thing you need to reach new heights, is to surpass your Optimal Technique/Solution™— with Courage™ Panel 5: Sena: That’s right— my road isn’t limited only to the two directions that I can dodge Panel 6: Shin: It relies on his light speed cuts. A third option, much like a trident. In a manner of speaking—

Page 50 Panel 1: DEVILBAT TRIDENT!!! Page 51 Panel 1: Mizumachi: You mean he might not dodge!? Riku: A headlong collision!! There’s no way… Panel 2: Glasses: It’s absolutely impossible, how reckless. There’s no chance of winning. The AI declares that this is at most a feint. In the end, Sena will definitely move to evade him! Panel 3: Hiruma: Kekeke, you’re wrong. It’s a hundred billion years too early to try getting past using that hand. Panel 4: Hiruma: But that’s why you’ll go for it. Isn’t that right, Sena. Panel 5: Agon: Aaahhh~~ Hiruma, I’ve fought with you so many times it makes me sick, so I already know all of that….!!!

Page 52 Panel 1: Hiruma ??: The Human brain hasn’t been able to compete with semiconductors for a long time. I’m sure it’ll aaaalll become like that in the future. Panel 2: Hiruma: When it comes to searching for Optimal Solutions™, no one can compete against Sir AI anymore. But— Panel 3: Shin: Beyond the Optimal Solution™ Panel 4: Beyond even the very summit— you continue to struggle with only courage at your back. Page 53 Panel 1: THAT IS WHAT AN ATHLETE IS Panel 3: ??: I’LL GO PRO AND KILL EVERYONE!! Panel 4: ??: I’LL SURPASS THE TOP!!! Panel 5: ??: That athlete will be—

Page 54-55 Panel 1: Hiruma: ME Panel 2: Sena: ME Panel 3: [He surpasses theory, with his light speed courage—!!]

#eyeshield 21 #es21 #es21 anniversary chapter #translations #my translations #??#idk lmfao #anyway this chapter was!#i mean it sure was #there are things i like about it but also a lot of things i'm very apathetic on hfhfhff #a lot of it feels very rushed due to it just being 55 pages lol #the main matches in the series last -volumes-#AND ALSO #WHERE TF IS MUSASHI???#WHERE IS MUSASHIII???? UH HELLO??#high key kind of mad about it

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auteurdelabre · 2 months

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PLEASE, MISTER MILLER? (Sequel part 5) BFDJoel! x f!Reader

Chapter summary: You and Joel navigate long distance, your parents and the realization that college graduation is just around the corner.

series masterlist

rating: 18+

a/n: Y'all this chapter is a fuckin beast. I had to break it up because its lookin' like another marathon chapter and I am a slut for comments so I had to break it up. Please comment, reblog, all that good juju and you'll make your girl real happy.

---------------------------

I miss you.

[HIM💜]Miss you too, baby.

Send me a pic.

[HIM💜]

NOT THAT KIND.

[HIM💜]

Much better. You're cute, Miller.

[HIM💜] You're not so bad yourself, Snowflake.

I wish you were here, Joel. I keep waking up thinking you'll be next to me.

[HIM💜] I feel the same, baby. I keep looking over in bed expecting to see you and that way you smile when you’re all sleepy. Then I get all blue when it's nothing but empty mattress.

[HIM💜] Is it cheesy if I say I can't wait to hold you again?

Not at all. I’m counting down the days until graduation.

[HIM💜] Coming up quick. You excited?

Sorta. What are you doing right now?

[HIM💜] You alone?

Yep.

[HIM💜 CALLING]

Joel's face pops up on your phone, smiling at you from what looks like a hardware store. Warmth floods you as you gaze at him. You see that he’s dressed casually, a grey t-shirt over his broad torso, a baseball cap over his tussled curls.

"Hey, baby." He smiles broadly at you and you swear you can feel your heart skip a beat.

"Where are you?"

"Paint store." He holds up a color swatch if several shades of dark green. "Whadda ya think of this color?"

He holds the simple up closer to the camera. Some of his curls peek out near his neck under his hat. You can still feel their silken texture wrapped around your fingers like some sensual ghost.

Fuck you miss him.

"Nice," you offer. "What's this for?"

"Wanna repaint my bedroom," he says grinning like an excited schoolchild.

“Why are you repainting your bedroom?” You ask amused. Joel’s face contorts from beaming excitement to a somber flinch and you regret asking it.

"Tess moved out last weekend," Joel says almost timidly. “And uh, I wanted to repaint. Fresh start and all that.”

Your stomach jumps at those words. Tess moved out. For the past few months you and Joel have been in regular contact via phone and texting. He mentioned that the divorce papers were drawn up, that Tess had agreed to it with an almost upsetting lack of emotion. But actually knowing that she had moved out? That feels momentous.

"Woah, so it's really over," you croak with a nervous shiver breaking out along your body.

"Was over for a long time, baby," Joel assures you. "This just makes it official."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just feel guilty. Feel like I should be more upset but I'm just so fucking relieved."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

You pause, uncertain where you two stand. Yes you said you wanted to continue this together. But what does that mean exactly? Maybe now that Joel is single again he’ll want to play the field. And why not? He’s early forties, gorgeous and has the most wonderful, caring personality of anyone you’ve ever met. Why wouldn’t he want to sleep around and have fun before committing himself to a relationship again?

"You've gone quiet, baby."

You give a smile to yourself. "Just thinking."

"Thinkin' 'bout what?"

"Just that you're getting divorced, and maybe... Maybe you want to sow your wild oats or something." You cringe at your phrasing. "Maybe you don't wanna be tied down in a relationship right away.”

You aren't expecting the sharp laugh from over the line. You love how his eyes crinkle when he smiles at you. You watch him move to a corner of the store that’s a little quieter, a little more private. Then he switches the call to voice only. You raise the phone to your ear, heart thudding.

"Don't you think you're the one that should be sowing wild oats?" Joel chuckles. "You're the one in her twenties."

"Nah, I've done enough of that," you admit shyly.

"So've I," Joel tells you and he sounds earnest.

"Maybe you don't wanna be tied down in a relationship you know?" You offer feebly. "I mean, maybe you wanna date around or... I dunno."

You trail off feeling embarrassed.

"Only interested in datin' one girl and it's the one I’m talkin’ to," Joel says evenly. "Same girl who has me smiling like a fuckin' idiot at my phone so much my brother commented on it at work."

You can't help but blush, even though he's not even there to see it. "Yeah?"

"Yep. Had to tell him it was a dating app just so he'd leave me alone."

You laugh at the thought. You don't know Tommy other than what Joel tells you, but he sounds like trouble. The fun kind.

“I’m lookin’ very forward to seein’ her next month,” Joel offers and you feel your lower belly pool with arousal at the sound. “Thought I’d book us in at the same hotel but only one bed this time.”

“Mmm I’d like that,” you coo, sighing softly at the thought.

“Yeah?” Joel’s voice is so low it’s a purr. “Eager to make up for lost time?”

“Mhmmm.” You can’t help but feel the tug of lust skittering across your body. “I can’t stop thinking about all the things I wanna do to you, Mister Miller. My pussy is dripping just thinking about it. How do you wanna fuck me first?”

“Fuck,” Joel hisses out and you giggle at the sound. He turns the phone back to face time and you see his pupils blown wide.

“Don’t do that to me here, honey. Not while I’m lookin’ at paint samples. Now, be a good girl and tell me, what do you think of this one?"

He holds up the paint sample again. It’s a dark green, too dark for a bedroom in your opinion. But You think back to sitting on the hotel bed with Joel during your time together. Of him telling you that Tess took control of everything down to the color of his bed sheets and you hesitate.

You don’t want to do that to him. You don’t want to control him.

"I like it," you answer, narrowing your eyes slightly. "It's just..."

"What?"

Joel is frowning at the screen now, looking concerned at your thoughtful silence. He raises a brow when you look back at the phone.

"It's a really nice color," you concede. "I love green."

"But?"

"But nothing."

"Baby," Joel says gently, a softness in tone that draws your gaze to his waiting eyes. "C'mon now, no lies here."

"Doesn't matter what I like."

"Matters to me."

You feel anxiety pricking at your body, making you nibble the inside of your cheek. Joel watches you through the phone, you see people wandering the aisle behind him.

"I think it might be too dark," you finally offer. "But that's only because to me a bedroom should make you feel calm and relaxed. I've always been partial to blues. But honestly, Joel, that's just personal preference. You should get what you're drawn to. With all that green it's like you're sleeping in the forest which I know you like."

Joel nods, lower lip stuck out in thought. All of a sudden you hear a key at your door and you panic.

"Shit, I gotta go."

The call ends just as Sarah walks into the dorm room yawning. She almost trips over the cardboard boxes the two of you had been packing earlier.

"I'm so sick of essay formatting," she says with a groan as she tosses her backpack onto the ground.

"Same." You peek at her over your phone. "There's an iced coffee for you in the fridge."

"Have I told you lately that I love you?" Sarah sings, taking the coffee from the fridge and throwing herself on the bed next to you.

You wouldn't love me if you knew why I bought it.

You give a short smile, giggling as she rubs her shoulder next to yours, urging you to give her more room on your bed. She's often remarked that despite you both having the same college -dorm -issued mattress that yours is far more comfortable.

“It’ll all be worth it when I’m walking around South America with Charlie this summer,” Sarah sighs. “Three whole months of museums and delicious food and-“

“Fucking,” you finish for her. She blushes wildly before pushing you with her arm.

"I feel like you've been buying me a ton of stuff lately," Sarah muses all of a sudden. "You never let me pay for dinner and this is like the tenth time you've had coffee waiting for me. What gives?"

You force a natural looking smile on your face.

"Dunno. Guess since we won't be roommates next year I'm just trying to enjoy you while I can."

And because I've been fucking your dad in secret for months and have no intention of stopping.

Sarah gives a sarcastic laugh before growing somber. "Are you nervous about graduation next month?"

"A little," you say honestly, your eyes drifting from her face to the popcorn ceiling above you. "I still haven't told my parents about grad school."

"What?" Sarah drains the last of her coffee before propping herself up on an elbow and looking at you severely. "Why?"

"Dunno."

That's a lie. You know exactly why. Because you're parents are the least supportive, most caustic people you know. Sarah frowns at you over her drink.

"You're gonna have to tell them eventually."

"Yeah I know."

“Have you seen Conrad lately?”

“Not since the trip,” you answer with a small smirk.

Thankfully you haven’t seen Conrad since that night months ago when he caught you and Joel fucking in your bed. You’ve seen him in passing around campus a few times, but he usually just goes red in the face and strides past you.

"I'm so glad you dumped him," Sarah tells you with a guilty smile. "I was so worried he was gonna propose in Ibiza and be stuck rearing his moron kids. But ever since you got back you've been different."

"Different?"

"Yeah," she nods giving a knowing smile.

She pushes herself off of the bed and goes to the boxes she’d been in the process of packing before classes. She sits herself down on the rug, staring up at you looking into middle distance, still laying on the bed.

You take a moment to covertly look through your photos of Joel. Fuck you miss him. You look at the photo of him at the gallery, of him in glasses, of the two of you in bed, of him carrying your bags to the elevator. You smile.

"Is it the married guy?"

You don't answer. You don't want to answer. You don't want to know what Sarah thinks about you being with a married man, especially when that man is her father.

You sit up and join her on the floor, going through the box you yourself were packing before Joel called. It’s your collection of trinkets collected during your time in school. A ticket stub from your first theatre going here, a cut out from the school paper where you’d submitted an article on the anthropology of monogamy, amongst other clutter that makes you smile.

"Well if it is, it seems like he's making you really happy," she offers tentatively. “Honestly in all the time I’ve known you I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy.”

“Well I did get into my Masters program,” you remind her. “And I am graduating with honors.”

“Right,” Sara concedes as the two of you continue packing up your modest dorm room, wrapping her horse figurines in newspaper. She glances over into your box of trinkets and spots the carving Joel made for you. The one that you’ve rubbed down with your thumb over months of keeping it in your pocket.

“You still have that?” Sarah says with a sweet expression on her face. “Isn’t that the one my dad carved for you?”

“Yeah,” you nod, forcing yourself to sound neutral.

“I love that you kept it,” Sarah says with a hand over her heart. “My Dad loves carving these things. I have so many from over the years. Soccer balls, horses, mermaids. Even a dragon from when I was really obsessed with them.”

You love hearing stories about Joel and so you listen intently while trying to appear casual. But every time you get a new piece of information something in you bubbles in delight. The thought of your Joel in the world maybe carving at this very moment.

Your Joel.

“Well it was really nice of him,” you say. “More thoughtful than anything my parents ever bought me.”

Your eyes trail to the dress hanging over the door of your closet and you sigh. The latest gift from your parents, a dress for graduation. A virginal white dress with ruffles that doesn’t suit you at all.

“Oh my God do you remember this play?” Sarah asks holding up your torn ticket. “The fucking lighting guy kept missing the cue and the actress was in darkness half the show?”

The two of you collapse into giggles at the memory and you realize with a small devastation that Sarah is the closest thing you've ever had to a best friend. She's supportive and encouraging. She helps you study, she was there for you when you broke up with Conrad, she was the first person you told about grad school because she was the one that insisted you apply.

“Who cares what your parents think? This is your life!”

There's a very large part of you that hates how you're keeping everything from her even though you know there's no other option. It runs a thread of fear through you that makes you question how you and Joel can continue.

Would Sarah support it? Or would she be disgusted? You don't really know. You've never been on Sarah's bad side before. When you and Joel have talked about it he's been clear that he wants to be the one to bring it up to Sarah 'if it gets to that point'. But when will you both know you’ve reached that point?

“Tell me more about married guy,” Sarah insists, nudging your knee with her socked foot. “I wanna know everything.”

“He’s…well, he’s great. Handsome and smart and he really listens to me,” you eventually admit with an amused pull of your lips. “He makes me really happy, Sarah. I’ve told him stuff I’ve never told anyone.”

Sarah’s eyes go soft. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Your eyes drop to your hands and you feel tears start at the corners. “I’ve never trusted anyone like I trust him. He makes me feel… Cared for.”

The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence as you continue packing up your dorm items. Suddenly Sarah pipes up.

“Is he good in bed?”

You try to swallow the disgusted expression on your face, but she catches it. Her eyes widen with amusement as she tosses a throw pillow at your head. You catch it, trying to will the panic from your expression.

“What?” Sarah gives a small giggle. “You used to tell me everything you and Conrad did, which wasn’t much by the way. But now you’re a vault?”

“It’s uh, just different with him,” you say quickly lowering your eyes to the newspaper you pack your collectibles in. “It feels more… special. I dunno how to describe it. Next question.”

“Are you in love with him?”

You barely pause.

“Yeah,” you nod. “Yeah I am.”

///

Sarah leaves for her evening class later that night and you sit staring at your phone. You want to call Joel and tell him how much you miss him. You want him to speak filth into your ears so you can come. You want to be in his arms with his full mouth on yours. You just want him.

The future is so precarious in many ways. When you’d received your acceptance letter into your Masters program you’d been delighted. When you’d called Joel later that day he’d been so fucking supportive it brought tears to your eyes.

And yet you couldn’t bring yourself to tell your parents. Couldn’t stand the knowledge that a man you’d known for less than six months had known exactly how to support your successes better than your own parents did.

But it’s time now. Graduation is next week and they’ll be coming out to ask your plans. They’ll take you to your fancy dinner and they’ll espouse how a future in Anthropology is a hobby. How you should have gone into Business or something more realistic. And you’ll sit there like you always do with your eyes on your plate willing the evening to be over.

Get it over with.

You punch in your parent’s number and raise your phone to your ear. Your stomach twists when you hear the sound of the phone ringing as you hold your cell to your ear. Despite the fact that you're calling them on any other line, it almost feels like the ring home seems more barren, more echo-ey.

The phone clicks and you hear your mom bark out your name. You wince.

"Hey mom."

"Hello. Did you get the dress?”

“Yes Mom,” you say in an obedient tone.

“Well, it’s quite late. Is anything the matter?"

"No," you say feeling your heart in your chest. "I'm calling because I wanted you to-"

"We received the graduation tickets," your mother continues, not even listening to you. "Not even assigned seating. Ridiculous."

There's something about calling home that makes you feel impossibly small and insignificant, but not in a comforting way. More the reminder that you could be squashed under foot at any moment.

"Yes well that's why I'm calling, sort of-"

"Speak up I can barely hear you."

You sigh deeply, trying to steady your voice. "I wanted to let you and Dad know that I got into that Master's program for the fall."

There is a loaded silence and then you hear your mother cover the phone and murmur. She’s probably telling your father. Finally her voice comes back over the line, crisp and abraisive.

"I hope you don't expect us to fund that daydream.”

You knew it was coming and yet it doesn't remove the sting entirely.

"Nope. I've got enough scholarships to cover it so far. Just need a part time job for extra expenses. I just wanted to tell...." You trail off.

You hear the sound of your father calling your mother's name in the background.

"Your father is tired, darling. He has to be awake early and the light from the phone is keeping him up. We'll see you at graduation."

The line goes dead and you throw your cell onto the bed angrily. You can't wait until fucking graduation is over and done with. You can't wait until you're parents are out of your life for another semester.

///

Sarah’s in class. Wanna chat a bit?

[HIM💜] Can’t baby. Tommy fucked up one of the orders and I gotta get it fixed quick.

The tone is sharp and you can hear his irritation flowing through the screen. You go to type out your response when another one of his comes through to the screen.

[HIM💜] I’ll give you a ring later tonight.

It’s final, resolute. He doesn’t have time for you right now and that’s totally fine… Except his words from earlier are echoing around in your brain. Eager to make up for lost time? Fuck yes you are. You can already feel arousal pooling between your lips.

In the months between spring break and now you’ve done your fair share of phone sex. Joel is remarkably adept at getting you off with only his voice, his words and the distant sound of his belt rasping against his zipper as he strokes himself.

You sent back racy photos every now and again, nothing too obscene for fear that Tess might see. Your face is never included for the same reason.

But right now you’re so fucking horny for him and you need to make him come for you. Probably because you know you shouldn’t bother him. It’s that bratty urge that pops its head out every once and again, urging you to push him, to test him, to make him want you, hard for you even when he shouldn’t.

You look at one of your packed boxes and are suddenly inspired. You pull the tabs open before reaching in and pulling out one of your packed winter items. The snowflake skirt. The skirt that tipped the scales in your relationship. You smile.

You shimmy out of your jeans, shirt and panties before pulling the skirt on and standing in front of the mirror. After a moments deliberation you remove your bra as well, giving yourself a once over and smiling in satisfaction.

You get onto the bed and begin to do a selection of seductive poses, aiming your camera, setting it on a timer and trying your best angles before deciding on a few that turn you on. Your first selection is the snowflake skirt hooked up over the globe of your ass. You’re leaned forward, presenting to the camera. The result is a peek of your glistening folds framed by your skirt on your pale pink sheets. Filthy.

You giggle just at the thought of sending these to Joel while he’s in the middle of work. Your fingers dance over the screen of your phone.

I miss you.

[HIM💜] I told you I was busy, baby.

You feel another bubble of laughter begin as your finger hovers over the selected thumbnail of your naked form. You toss over the idea in your head a moment before pressing send and waiting. His response is almost immediate.

[HIM💜] Are you insane? I’m at work.

I didn’t know you were gonna check your phone!

I was just sending it for later.

[HIM💜] Little liar.

Just missing you. You missing me?

[HIM💜] You know I am. Now stop it.

You can almost hear it in his growled timber.

You giggle before sorting through your remaining photos. You send him the one of you lying on your back, tits out and pussy wet and spread wantonly with your fingers. Your skirt is bunched up around your waist. Your eyes are half lidded looking up into the camera and you bite your lower lip. It's fucking debauched and you send it with a little thrill in your stomach.

He doesn’t reply right away and a part of you is worried that he’s not checked his phone. You wait a few moments before typing out your message to him, a small smirk on your face.

I'm so wet just Thinking about your cock. How good it felt. Wish you were fucking me right now.

[HIM💜] Quit it.

You shouldn’t be as turned on as you are, but you can’t help it. Your fingers begin to rub your clit in earnest, knowing that he’s looking at these photos at work. Knowing that he can’t just stroke his cock in his office. With your free hand you type shakily.

Wish I was sucking your cock under your desk, Mister Miller. Want you to fuck my mouth in the middle of work with people around. Wanna make you come down my throat.

[HIM💜] You like acting like a filthy little slut?

There’s the inherent menace of that statement combined with your arousal that sets the next action into motion. You press voice record and place the phone next to your head. Your breathing is heavy and labored. You imagine Joel in bed next to you, the smell of him, the way his beard rasped between your inner thighs. It’s not long before your groaning and coming hard on your fingers, whimpering his name.

With shaky breath you send the voice memo off and slip into a drowsy warmth. His response is delayed a few minutes, likely because he’s listening to it. The thought amuses and thrills you. Finally a beep sounds through.

[HIM💜] Two can play this game, baby.

///

He doesn’t call you that evening but you’re so busy with studying for finals you don’t really notice. It’s not until your morning lecture the next day that you get a text from him. Distracted you glance at the number and see his name. With a smile you assume it's a cute message and click it, shocked when you see the very obvious erection barely hidden in his boxers.

Your heart jumps and you glance behind you to ensure that the other classmates in your lecture hall haven’t seen. None of them glance your way; all are focused on the professor talking at the podium about your final exam next week.

WTF JOEL. I’m in class!

[HIM💜] Sorry baby. Just missing you.

He’s not sorry at all and you both know it.

You go red in the face before dashing out of your class and into the nearest bathroom. It's mercifully empty and you take the nearest stall. You open your messages and feel a giddy thrill go through you when you see he’s sent through a video.

There's a mixture of embarrassment, terror and thrilling excitement that goes through you at the sight. Joel sent you a dirty video. He's never done that. You can only assume it's payback from your texts yesterday and you couldn't be more delighted.

You lean back against the stall, not even feeling the cool metal because you’re so focused on your cell phone. With trembling fingers you pop your ear buds in and press play. Joel's husky baritone immediately floods your ears and you close your eyes.

"Those were some filthy fucking photos you sent me yesterday," his voice murmurs off screen, sleepy and rumbled. "And sending ‘em to me at work. Naughty girl. I was hard all fuckin’ day."

You smile gently to yourself at the thought of it. Joel stuck behind his desk, jeans tight as his erection pulses desperately. Your eyes open now and you see that he’s lifted his phone to point at his waist. He’s lying in bed, you recognize the sheets. He’s naked now, but he’s not pointing it at his cock yet.

"Don't know that you deserve this video at all," Joel teases and you watch his lower belly twitch. "You're lucky I like you so much."

That little comment thrills you. The camera points down, showing you the glistening head of his cock. Beads of pre-cum already dot it.

"Betcha wish you were licking this thick cock right now, aren't you my sweet little slut?"

His wide hand lazily strokes, making you whimper to yourself in the empty stall.

"This is your come baby," Joel mutters behind the camera. "Been saving it up all day. Thinking about you and t-that... Video we made. Watched it this mornin'."

He breaks off and you watch his wide hand start to jerk his cock more hurriedly, moving more towards the head you desperately wish you were licking.

"You looked so fucking good. T-that innocent way you looked up at me with my cock stuffed in your pretty mouth."

Your pussy is throbbing at this point, watching your sexy boyfriend jerk off for you while he babbles filth in that sexy twang of his.

"You like being my little slut, baby?" Joel croons. "Like knowing I'm carrying around that video? Watching you suck my cock anytime I want?"

Fuck yes you do.

"And you look so fucking eager for it," Joel breathes and you hear that familiar urgency in his voice as he nears his climax. "So desperate to swallow my cock... Tits painted.... Painted with my come."

You’re absolutely soaked, your nipples stiff peaks under your t-shirt. You want nothing more than to be on your knees in front of him, his cock in your mouth. This is pure torture.

“And then those f-fuckin’ photos,” Joel groans and it’s a debauched sound that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. “That perfect fuckin’ pussy so wet for me. The way you’re.. touchin-“

Whatever he was about to say is lost in the garbled grunt of his orgasm. His hands stutter and then he comes in thick ropes spurting from between his knuckles, his moans ragged and broken from behind the screen

"All for you, baby, this come is all for you," he's rambling as he erupts. "All yours my good, good little slut."

And then the video ends. Another message has come through.

[HIM💜] Just a preview for next week. Have a great class, baby.

You stand in the stall panting and wet. You're so turned on its insane.

How the fuck are you supposed to last until graduation?

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sweetbrier2908 · 9 months

Text

Waking up orders in House of Lamentation:

cw: no proof-head, just some random thoughts, grammar errors here and there

--------

1/ Beelzebub - always the first one to wake up before everyone else because he’s hungry, also because of his morning work-out routine, usually wakes up at 5 or 5:30 never later. goes to the kitchen first so he can prepares his work-out snack and has his 1st breakfast of the day. takes the advantage of waking up early to sneak into your room so you two can have some morning cuddles (sometimes just to find mammon on your bed).

2/ Satan - this perfect man has his day scheduled duh, he has plan, he need to be perfect in order to beat Lucifer. Waking up at 6am, maybe sooner than Beel if he’s on breakfast duty (he want to make sure 1) Beel doesn’t digest all the breakfast ingredient 2) he must make better breakfast than Lucifer) . Starting his day with a cup of coffee and a good book after finishing his morning routine. He’s usually the one who goes to everyone’s room to wake everyone up, makes sure they all get to school on time so they don’t ruin the family’s reputation (which honestly is ruined at this point) by being late (also because he likes to take care for his family members but he will never admit).

3/ Lucifer - Asmodeus - Mammon: most likely to wake up at the same time.

Lucifer: he’s not a morning person. waking up early is a no no but he has his duty. usually pulls an all nighter and then leaves early because he has works to do, also usually skips breakfast (“I don’t have time to eat breakfast” is his excuse). don’t you worry, Mammon will make his older brother eat probably, that’s his specialty. In case Lucifer has a rest day, he sleeps ’til noon and Mammon will also make sure that no one can’t in interrupt his sleep. this man never get enough sleep, so it’s not unusual to see him knocks off on his paperworks.

Mammon: he’s not Lucifer’s most trusted brother for nothing. sometimes his breakfast sucks but not always, he knows how to make a edible breakfast. usually wakes up later than Beel and Satan but most time he’s earlier than Lucifer if Lucifer finishes his works after 2 in the morning and be able to get a few hours good sleep. the other one besides satan make sure everyone eat their breakfast properly and goes to school properly (he’s the second eldest c’mon). most time when he goes to bed late the night before (because of his parties, part-time jobs or modeling gig, night out…) he ends up overslept. take a really long time to get up from bed, you or one of his brother have to drag him out of bed.

Asmodeus - Satan wakes him up every morning, refuses to get out of bed if it's not you or Satan the one who wake him but wakes up eventually cuz he can't skip his morning bath and skin care routine (his older brother always complains but it becomes a habit for both of them now). HE HAS HIS MORNING ROUTINE AND RITUAL AND BATH AND EVERYTHING. take a really long time to prepare in the morning. also he always make sure to goes to bed before 11pm and has an at least 8-hour sleep, you know, have to get enough sleep to maintain this beautiful skin.

4/ Leviathan: first of all, he does virtual schooling. second, “one more episode/round/chapter and i go to bed then end up stay awake til 5 in the morning” type - when Beel wakes up is when he goes to sleep. can’t get out of bed. on days he doesn’t have to be at school, he wakes up at 10 and starts his virtual schooling. on days he has to be at school, Mammon and Satan will make sure he’s on time. however, he still shows up late at breakfast then has to get his breakfast at school cuz Beel eats his portion every fucking morning,

5/ Belphegor: he’s avatar of sloth. may wakes up earlier than Levi but goes back to sleep immediately. Beel has to carry him to the dining hall to make sure he has his breakfast (and sometimes carry him to school). Doesn’t matter he wakes up early or not, he goes to school to sleep to be honest.

#obey me #obey me satan #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanon #obey me beelzebub #obey me asmodeus #the demon brothers' waking up order #some morning habits too #just some random headcanons i make in the middle of the night #so many grammar errors #no beta we die like lilith but i don't think my random thoughts need beta btw #the demon brothers morning habits #yes im biased mammon and satan #pls don't take this seriously

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bvidzsoo · 3 months

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Love Me Like A Rockstar (5)

Chapter 5: Avalanche

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

Warning: cussing, mentions of suicide

Word count: 8, 084

Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Updateee, hehet. Now, now...this chapter is emotionally loaded, but at least we can notice some progress in their relationship lol, it was about time if you ask me. Please listen to Avalanche before or while reading this chapter, it's really important as it portrays Mingi's story and feelings in the past, so please don't skip it! I can't promise the next update will be soon because I have a deadline by next week, but if I won't be too burned out then I might just update towards next weekend. ALSO G U Y S!!!! Tunnel?!?!?!?!?! SONG MINGI'S SOLO???? ARE WE FINE?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE RELEASES T H A T WHILE I'M WRITING A STORY EXACTLY LIKE THAT???!! No, but seriously, I'm completely not fine, I still can't believe this happened BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I WRITE SOMETHING AND IT HAPPENS. Okay, I'm done screaming, sorry. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I tried my best and I hope it turned out okay. Feedback is appreciated, enjoy now!!

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @okokmaybe01-blog

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

There was a beat of silence, of nobody moving, of nobody blinking or saying anything. My heart shouldn’t have picked up its rhythm so fast, but as my eyes briefly ran over Mingi’s tall form standing in the doorway opposite mine, I realized he looked the same as in the video I have seen on Seulgi’s Instagram story, the only change to his outfit was the black hoodie covering his broad frame—and wet, almost see-through, white shirt.

“What are you doing here?” My mouth was moving before I could think, mind suddenly a puddle.

“Picking up some food since I’m headed home from Outlaw.” Mingi’s explanation came quickly, his own eyes taking in my appearance as they briefly ran over my body. My grip tightened around the doorknob as I suddenly felt embarrassed. I knew I didn’t look like my usual self; my eyes were still red from crying, and I couldn’t help but sniff every other few minute. And I was completely soaked in rainwater.

“What are you doing here?” Mingi asked at once, eyes finally meeting mine. His expression was neutral, but there was something in his eyes—he seemed tired. Black eyeliner rimmed his already sharp eyes, creating the illusion of them piercing right through you. I suddenly felt naked under his attentive gaze, too exposed for my liking. I cleared my throat and stepped away from the doorway finally, circling my arms around my body, just now noticing the teetering of my teeth. I tried to offer my body some comfort by hugging myself, but it wasn’t exactly working.

“I was on a walk when it started raining, so I took shelter in here.” That wasn’t a lie at all, yet under Mingi’s watchful gaze, it felt like one. My eyebrows slightly furrowed at the thought, wondering why it felt like I was lying. Perhaps it was the doubt in his eyes as he looked over me once again, clearly questioning why I was drenched from head to toe if I took shelter in here, but I would not further explain myself to him.

“Right,” His voice conveyed nothing and I tried to hide my surprise as he didn’t prod further, “I understand.”

He stepped outside the men’s restroom finally, making me press myself up against the cold wall of the hallway as it was narrow, sniffing as another shudder ripped through my body. Despite having warmed my hands and cheeks with the warm water, I could feel the cold seep through my bones once again as my clothes clung onto my frame uncomfortably. Mingi didn’t cast me any other glance as he took off towards the main hall and I found myself following after him, licking my dry lips as I tried to hug myself tighter, rubbing at my side clumsily. It was my last attempt to warm myself up. My eyes were trained on the floor as they were burning, but I found them drawn upwards soon, curiously watching the back of Mingi’s head. His black hair was damp, and the blue sheer sunglass I saw him wearing in the video was put on backwards, making me frown as I stared at it as it rested against the back of Mingi’s head. Couldn’t he just take it off? Why wear it backwards? Was this a new trend he was following to become more famous? I scoffed at myself quietly as Mingi and I rounded the corner, walking back inside the main hall of the diner, the lady at the front counter looking up from a notebook she was writing in, cash placed next to it. Her eyes were trained on Mingi only, and I rolled my eyes subconsciously, awaiting her to act like one of his baboons—fangirls—from Outlaw and even from our university, but instead, her eyes held warmth as she leaned down and grabbed something from behind the counter. I found myself rooted to my place, watching the interaction—just slightly intrigued—as if I were a child waiting for their parent to finally move and leave the diner. It was silly, really, why was I waiting for Mingi? It’s not like him and I would be leaving together—yet my feet refused to move despite my thoughts telling me to do so.

“Steak with mashed potatoes and some side dishes, just the way you like it.” The lady said kindly as she placed a casserole inside a bag on the counter, pushing it towards Mingi. My eyes were glued to the side of his face, watching his reaction, waiting for his usual arrogant and flirty self to come to the surface, but instead, a small smile made it onto his face as his right hand slipped inside his pocket. Huh, that was new, I’ve never seen Mingi act like—himself—in front of a woman before.

“Thank you, Dahyun, you always seem to know what I’m craving.” Mingi told her quietly and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt a sneeze trying to fight its way out of my nose, it burned.

“No, you just always ask for the same meals on the same days,” She chuckled as Mingi extended the money towards her, “You’re a simple man, and my memory is simply too good—it’s on the house tonight, Mingi.”

“But—”

“I already closed the register.” Dahyun winked at him and pushed Mingi’s hand back, ignoring the noises of complaint he made, “Seriously, do you want me to overwork myself?”

“Fine,” Mingi sighed, his eyebrows furrowed. My head started to lightly thump and I found myself leaning against the wall, eyes heavy and burning. My mother would kill me for getting sick for such a dumb reason as to staying out in the rain without realizing it was even pouring. Damn Yunho, it’s his fault, “But at least let me leave a tip.”

Dahyun gave Mingi a pointed stare before her eyes fell on me, suddenly realizing I was there too. I cleared my throat awkwardly as I stood up straight, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Mingi turned his head, his eyes falling on me as well, and suddenly I felt—so small. Both of them were looking at me with concern in their eyes, and I couldn’t help but look away as my eyes were suddenly burning with tears in them. Why was I in such an unstable state all of a sudden? My chest felt lighter, my throat wasn’t closing in on me anymore—I was fine, so then why?

“Can you make her some tea? If I’m not asking for too much.” My eyes snapped up in Mingi’s direction as he was looking at me, face still emotionless, but eyebrows furrowed.

“Of course, we’ve still got like five minutes until we’re closing.” Dahyun answered him cheerily and then turned around, opening some cabinets as she got to work.

“Okay, but accept the money this time.” Mingi muttered and placed some bills on the counter, pushing it towards the notebook she seemed to be busy with before we disturbed her.

“Whatever.” Dahyun huffed and cast me a quick glance as Mingi turned to look at me again.

“Are you cold?” Mingi asked and I tensed my muscles, trying to stop the trembling, but it was hard—and it wasn’t even working. But I just gulped and pulled myself together, walking closer to him.

“No.” My teeth clanked against each other again and I sniffed as Dahyun turned to face me, a plastic cup in her hands.

“We only have wild berry tea; I hope you like that.” She said with a smile as she placed the cup on the counter and pushed it towards me. I cleared my throat and looked down at it, the steam hot and inviting as I reluctantly reached out for it. It was embarrassing—this whole situation. I was looking like a mess, on the verge of another breakdown, because why not—my brain decided that I simply wasn’t finished crying over nothing—even if it wasn’t exactly nothing, I refused to acknowledge it. I reluctantly reached for the cup, slightly annoyed that Mingi and this Dahyun girl were looking at me like I was going to break—or explode—at any given moment. I let out a frustrated sigh as my fingers wrapped around the hot cup firmly, skin slightly burning, but I welcomed the feeling as I have stopped feeling my fingers a good few minutes ago.

“Stop looking at me like that, Mingi, I’m fine.” I didn’t mean to snap, but my tone was sharp as I sucked in a sharp breath, bringing the cup up to my lips and blowing on the hot water, the steam warming my skin.

“I’m not looking—anyways,” He cut himself off as he grabbed the bag with his food inside and stepped away from the counter, “Thank you, Dahyun, we won’t be holding you back for longer.”

“No problem, see you soon!” She said with a smile, waving a little as Mingi nodded at her, barely returning her smile. It seemed almost like there was something wrong with him, but I couldn’t tell, I didn’t know him well. He could’ve been simply acting to gain our sympathy—I could see Mingi doing something like that, it didn’t seem too far from his atrocious character.

“Uh, thank you.” I thanked the girl quietly as I slightly bowed my head and she just smiled, waving at me as well as I quickly hurried after Mingi, who had stopped in the doorway, apparently waiting for me.

His hand reached out for the handle, but he hesitated for a second, not opening the door just yet, “It’s still raining…and you don’t have an umbrella…”

I raised an eyebrow as I took a sip of my hot tea, taking a glance at Mingi. He was looking ahead, eyes trained on the road through the glass doors. The sweet taste of wild berries exploded in my mouth and I bit my lip as the warm tea flushed down my throat, warming me up from the inside as I eagerly took another big gulp, slightly burning my tongue.

“Yeah, I don’t have an umbrella.” I said, the two of us looking at each other at the same time, “But it’s fine, I’m already drenched. I’ll just run home—”

“You’re already shivering and shaking constantly, Y/N.” Mingi said matter of fact, and I rolled my eyes almost instantly, “Let me drive you home.”

“You don’t have to, it doesn’t matter.” I muttered with a shrug and took another sip of my tea, but Mingi just shook his head and turned his body slightly towards mine.

“You keep sniffing and you are clearly cold, even if you say you aren’t.” He raised an eyebrow, pointing towards my flushed cheek—I could only hope I wouldn’t have a fever, “You’ll catch a cold at this point, just let me drive you home. It’s not a big deal, really.”

“Mingi,” I sighed loudly, giving him a glare, “I’m fine, I’m not cold and I won’t catch a cold—”

Almost as if the Universe—or my own body—was having a laugh at me, a sneeze forced its way through my nostrils, loud, and an obvious sign that I wasn’t doing too well currently. Mingi’s lips pressed into a thin line as he tried not to smile and suppress his chuckle, making me grumble to myself as I quickly drank the remaining tea, feeling slightly warmer.

“Still going to pass on that ride?” Mingi quirked an eyebrow as a smirk appeared on his lips and I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Lead the way, Prince Charming.” I mocked, but it only made Mingi giggle as he pushed the door open, the breeze freezing as it suddenly hit me. I instantly shivered and made myself smaller, clutching myself around my middle.

“That’s my car.” Mingi pointed towards a black car across the street and suddenly he took off, pulling his hood over his head, running out into the rain. There was no oncoming traffic, so I quickly left the shop and ran across the road, headed for the passenger seat. As I got there, the car was unlocked and Mingi was pulling the key out of the lock and opening his side of the door quickly, jumping inside. I followed his lead and slammed the door closed after sitting inside, shivering and groaning at the cold gripping at my skin again, pressing myself back into the leather seat of Mingi’s car. He placed the food in the backseat, putting the keys into the ignition. He looked at me, lips slightly pursed.

“Uh,” For the first time in my life, Mingi looked embarrassed as he scratched his nape, “The car’s old so uhm—we’ll have to wait a little bit before we take off. For the engine to warm up and shit, you know.”

I hummed and gulped, grip tightening around the plastic cup I was still holding onto. I did not want to prolong my time spent together with Mingi, so why couldn’t his car work just fine? I watched him as he turned the key, but the engine didn’t start right away, screeching for a second as Mingi tried again, groaning with his eyebrows furrowed. I remained silent as I watched him struggle for a few more seconds until the engine finally rumbled to life, the sound louder than I expected. But it only lasted for another second before it settled down, the pouring rain overshadowing the sound of the old engine. Mingi went and pressed a few buttons on the dashboard and I allowed my muscles to relax slightly, noting the way I was still shaking. When will it stop? It was getting annoying. As if Mingi sensed my train of thoughts, he turned his head towards me and cleared his throat.

“Are you cold?” He asked, making me sigh as I shook my head no, refusing to admit that I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. Maybe if this old wreck could warm up faster I wouldn’t be shaking so much—and I knew Mingi’s car had zero faults right now, but I had to pour my irritation onto something instead of admitting defeat in front of him, “You’re very obviously cold, Y/N.”

I scoffed and my eyes snapped to him as he suddenly leaned more towards me, reaching for something in the backseat of the car, “If it’s so obvious, Mr. Obvious, do something about it—”

My mouth clamped shut the second Mingi was holding a black denim jacket in his hand with a lopsided smile, extending it towards me, “I am doing something about it, here, wear it.”

He let it fall into my lap before I could refuse him and suddenly my cheeks were on fire—and not from the cold. I cleared my throat loudly and averted my gaze as Mingi settled back into his seat with a small grin, watching me as I rolled my eyes, fumbling with the heavy jacket he had given me. I didn’t want to wear it—that was the last thing I actually wanted to do, but a violent shiver racked through my body and I was suddenly moving faster than lightning, groaning as my clothes were still stuck against my body. It was a horrible feeling, but at least Mingi’s seats were leather, easier to clean. I pulled the black denim jacket around my shoulders before putting each arm through the sleeves, trying to ignore Mingi’s eyes on me, and the amused smile he had on his face. It wasn’t funny—but it was probably entertaining to him. I wonder how many girls he took home like this before me, letting them wear his jacket only to flirt with them afterwards as a means of getting to sleep with them. Men were easy, and Mingi was one of them. I could see right through his bullshit, and so, despite the warmth and masculine scent enveloping my senses, I gave Mingi a sharp glare, making him chuckle.

“You’re so predictable,” He said quietly, almost as if to himself, but I heard him, and I scoffed, “You won’t thank me, right?”

“I’m still cold.” I evaded his question instead, giving him a look, but Mingi just giggled, the sound low and deep inside his chest. I watched as his features relaxed and found my heart beating faster once again as I realized that I was enclosed in a tiny space with him, barely a few feet away from each other. There was something different about Mingi all of a sudden as he threw his head back, sighing loudly and gripping the wheel. His eyes fluttered close and I couldn’t will myself to look away, suddenly curious of the man sitting next to me. Who was he? Why was he like this? But the confusing butterflies deep inside my stomach sent me into distress, and I averted my eyes as Mingi opened his, and realized it was becoming suffocating. The silence. I didn’t like it. Mingi wasn’t saying anything, the engine was still dully rumbling and the rain was hitting the roof of the old Honda Prelude loudly. It didn’t feel as restricting as earlier, but my throat was squeezing in on itself and without asking for permission, I reached forward and pressed a button on the stereo, turning the radio on.

The instrumental wasn’t something I have heard before, and the harsh beat of the drums resounded in the car loudly, making my heart jump. Soon, the drum was accompanied by the lively but soft melody of the guitar, guiding it through. It felt like a storm, the loud and harsh beats of the drums lead by the soft yet determined guitar. It was almost as if two sides of the coin were leaning on each other for support—almost as if one was desperate to be shown some light in the darkness. I saw Mingi shift in the corner of my eyes, and I was startled at the intense look in his eyes as he looked at me, lips parted and eyebrows drawn up. He seemed surprised but at the same time almost angry, it was a look I couldn’t read well yet. I didn’t understand why he was looking at me like that. Suddenly, the drums slightly softened, until they became silent, and the guitar guided the melody smoothly, bringing it a comforting feeling. Mingi and I were still looking at each other and I was about to ask why he was looking at me like that, but suddenly the raspy, yet warm, voice resounding in the car took me off guard as my eyes widened, leaving me gaping at Mingi.

『Cut me open and tell me what's inside

Diagnose me 'cause I can't keep wondering why

And no, it's not a phase 'cause it happens all the time

Start over, check again, now tell me what you find

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

His voice was smooth as the drums and guitar accompanied it, dropping lower at times and feeling like the caress of a whisper at the same time. Mingi’s face had turned emotionless once again as his eyes locked with mine, and I tried to give him a glare, but my mind was focused on the words he was singing—on the message behind his lyrics.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice』

The beat picked up again, the drums louder as the melody grew more aggressive, Mingi’s voice reflecting it and gliding with it. His voice was powerful and held sincerity as he sung, his words ringing through my mind as the raspiness of it became more hearable. I couldn’t hold Mingi’s gaze anymore and I swiftly turned my head, playing with the cup I had in my hands as I gulped, the melody slowing down once again.

『Am I broken? What's the chance I will survive?

Don't sugarcoat me 'cause I feel like suicide

Just give it to me straight, 'cause I'm running out of time

I need an antidote, now what can you prescribe?』

My eyebrows furrowed the longer I listened to his words, wondering if this is what he actually felt like. Wondering when he wrote this song. Wondering why and how was Mingi hiding such feelings locked away in himself, in a way that nobody would be able to see the real him. Why were his words so relatable and why did I suddenly find myself teary eyed, biting my lower lip to try and get a grip of myself again.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice, and I'm going under』

I wonder who made him feel like that. Who had hurt Mingi so much that he felt like he was on the verge of giving it all up. Did he still feel like that? Were the two of us not so much different from each other after all? I sniffed, turning my head to look out the window instead, scared that if I hung my head down the tears would actually fall.

『I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world

I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world』

My grip around the cup tightened and I heard Mingi shift in his seat again, but I didn’t turn around to look at him. Emotions and thoughts of all sorts were whirling in my head, and I couldn’t stop thinking. I haven’t really paid attention to what he sings in his songs before—not that I had many occasions to do so—but this one suddenly felt so familiar, as if there was at least one person in the world who understood my struggles too. I’ve had low points in life before, especially after Yunho left me, and I really felt like there was no way out for me. I didn’t know how to cope and what to do with myself, I became uncaring and closed myself off to the world, only talking to those necessary, and barely doing anything if I could. That was the only time in my life when my art didn’t help at all, when I couldn’t pick up my pencil out of fear of what my mind would conjure up to torment me with. My life revolved around Jeong Yunho, and I knew because of missing him, he would be the only thing I would be drawing. He was my muse, and I hated it for such a long time not realizing that it was in some twisted way helping with getting over him. I have memorized every single feature and flaw of his, knowing it by heart. It was freeing when I was able to highlight all the things I knew he hated about himself, it made it easier for me to remind myself that he wasn’t as perfect as I thought he was. It was just the idea I had created of him in my head.

My fingers were tapping against the cup, following the rhythm of the song as Mingi’s beautiful voice carried on singing, the melody wrapping me up in my thoughts, almost getting lost to the point where I wasn’t paying attention to the song anymore. But it was actually impossible to do that, Mingi had a way to keep you focused on himself even if he was just simply singing, his raspy and warm voice keeping you in a vice grip, making you yearn for more. As the song came to an end, I released a breath I didn’t even realize I had been holding. Mingi was swift as he leaned forward and turned off the stereo, clearing his throat loudly. For a few more seconds nothing was said between the two of us, silence enveloping around us once again. But I didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore, I felt—almost sad, but mostly curious of the making of this song. Of what prompted Mingi to write it. Why were his emotions so raw in this, and who caused him to feel like this.

“It wasn’t bad,” I found myself speaking up, not really thinking through my words first, “you’re not too bad at this, Mingi.”

I didn’t expect him to laugh, and as I turned my head, he was already looking at me with an amused look on his face, covering his mouth as his laughter got louder for a second. My eyebrows furrowed, and I was about to say something less nice to him, but I realized my compliment sounded oddly similar to the one I had gotten from him back at the library. Despite fighting against the smile wanting to appear on my lips, I quickly let out a chuckle, our eyes with Mingi connecting. Despite the depth of the song and the somber atmosphere it created, Mingi seemed to be almost ecstatic as he shrugged, drumming his fingers against the wheel. Subconsciously, I nuzzled further into the collar of the denim jacket, the cologne stronger as I inhaled it, reminded that I was wearing Mingi’s jacket. I didn’t miss the way a fond smile appeared on his face for a few moments, quickly disappearing as he cleared his throat and looked ahead, pressing some other buttons on the dashboard.

“Thank you, getting a compliment from a fine arts genius certainly feels like I have won a Grammy or something.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes as Mingi chuckled, grinning at me for a second before he turned his body fully towards me, taking me off guard, “I wrote this song a long time ago, when—well, there’s nothing to hide here, when Yunho left for college. When I—remained alone at home, here in this town. Nothing was set in stone yet, to be honest, I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life back then. I was eighteen and I was confused and scared. The pressure of figuring out what you wanted to do with your life at such a young age was frightening and breaking me down, to be honest. I’ve always struggled mentally—you know, with depression and anxiety—and I think that period of time was the lowest I had ever been.”

I was soaking in every word Mingi was saying, mind silent and eyes focused on him, wanting to hear more as he continued talking, “Yunho was always the stronger one between the two of us and he always knew from a young age what he wanted to do, so when I realized I hadn’t planned my future ahead like him, I lost myself. And he—left, to college—in a different city. Hours away, leaving me all alone. I know I might sound dramatic, but I don’t deal well with change. I never have and I never will, I’m afraid. It took me almost a year to finally get used to living alone and sometimes I still struggle, it’s really frustrating. So you can imagine how badly I took my best friend, whom I have never been separated from before and we’ve known each other since kindergarten, leaving and abandoning me in the small town I have always hated and had no future in. I fell into deep depression and nothing was helping, like at all. Not even Yunho returning home out of the blue after two weeks of no contact on my part. When he saw the state I was in, we—we cried for hours, Y/N. It was horrible. I hate making him feel like that, because it wasn’t his fault, it was all mine.”

My eyebrows furrowed and my heart clenched upon hearing Mingi’s words, quietly letting out a breath which felt like it was restricting my lungs. In this moment, I heard my own thoughts and feelings in Mingi. His struggles and pain, I understood them. My fingers crushed the cup accidentally, but thankfully Mingi didn’t seem to notice as he took a deep breath and continued, “I wanted to kill myself. If Yuyu wouldn’t have come home in that exact moment—I don’t think we’d be having this conversation right now.”

My eyebrows furrowed and without really thinking, my left hand reached over the center console and I found myself gripping Mingi’s right hand, his skin so much hotter than mine. He bit his lower lip, eyebrows twitching as he averted his gaze all of a sudden, turning his hand upwards so that my fingers could slip over his palm. It was weird how easily my skin tingled at the contact; thoughts silent for once.

“He suggested I find a way of getting these thoughts and feelings out of myself. And after he left once again I knew I had to do something unless I planned on completely losing my mind, so…I took a pen and paper and started writing. Everything I felt, everything I thought. And miraculously, it worked. Slowly, of course, but it started working. I found a good therapist as well and suddenly I could see a way out of this dark cloud hung up around my head, fogging my thoughts up. I searched for a beat on YouTube and realized I could turn these thoughts and feelings into music. And they didn’t even sound bad, but what was most important was that I enjoyed doing it. I felt free, I felt like I could finally say anything I ever wanted. And I knew if this helped me, then it would help others as well, let them know they weren’t alone, and that you can go on even if it seems like you can’t. I wrote this song right before signing up to our university and sent it in as a sample. I was granted access to the studious a week later, and two weeks later accepted to the university. It’s probably one of my happiest memories, especially since Yunho surprised me that day by coming home and celebrating it with me.”

As Mingi was done talking, silence settled between the two of us. Comforting, understanding. I looked down at my lap, mind a whirlwind of thoughts all of a sudden, threatening to rush out at once. The sudden thumb sweeping against my knuckles made me slightly tense, realizing that I was completely holding hands with Mingi. My cheeks burned all of a sudden and my heart jumped, yet despite my thoughts telling me to pull my hand out of his, I didn’t move just yet. The feeling—wasn’t so bad.

“My sketchbook—the one you flipped through without my permission—” I sent Mingi a small glare as he snorted, cutting me off for a second, “is like my journal. I doddle in it daily, sometimes I even write little messages next to the sketches, noting down the things on my mind or just simply how my day went. When I draw, my mind is completely silent, I feel at ease. There’s nothing bothering me and I don’t have to worry in that moment of what the next line will illustrate or what the overall drawing will be. My thoughts are often too loud and I get overwhelmed by them, it’s hard to ignore them, you know? But by drawing, I can escape them and free myself even for a little while, it’s similar to what you must feel when you write music. Just letting go and releasing everything you feel.”

Mingi’s eyes were warm and soft as a small smile appeared on his lips, his skin suddenly burning mine and as my heartbeat showed no signs of slowing down, so, I carefully slipped my hand out of his, turning ahead and staring out at the pouring rain, feeling exposed and too small, “I understand what it must’ve felt like going through all of that. There was a time in my life, when—my whole world revolved around one person only and when—when he left, I thought I would die. I didn’t want to continue on living, to be completely honest. But with time, and thanks to my mother and Seulgi, I built myself back up. It’s fine now—I mean, I’m fine now.”

Mingi just hummed and I could feel his gaze on me as I leaned forward in the seat, rubbing my face as I felt fatigue settle over my whole being. At least I wasn’t shaking anymore, the car had warmed up significantly and my clothes weren’t sticking to my skin so violently anymore.

“Everyone has their story, Y/N.” Mingi spoke up, and I could hear the smile in his voice, “And it was very obvious to me that your attitude towards me is just a defense mechanism—”

“Oh, don’t get too cocky now that I’ve shared something so insignificant from my life.” I snapped as I turned my head, giving him a small glare. Mingi chuckled, holding his hands up in a way that said he wasn’t trying to attack me.

“I don’t think it’s insignificant—”

“Mingi.”

“Tell me something…” He trailed off and I sighed loudly, not in the mood to converse anymore. I wanted to go home, “Are those eyes really Yunho’s in your sketchbook? Because I really don’t think they are. I mean, I know what my own eyes like look and—”

“Whatever, they are yours, okay?” I snapped defensively as I crossed my arms in front of my chest, cutting Mingi off. I knew I should’ve never confessed to him that those were indeed his eyes, because now the shit eating grin he had on his lips and the way his eyes sparkled weren’t worth it. Not when my cheeks felt on fire, and I knew it wasn’t from the warmth inside the car.

“I knew it!” He said triumphantly, giggling a little, making me role my eyes.

“Just because you have pretty eyes doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.” I scoffed and suddenly Mingi froze, staring at me like I said something wrong. I raised my eyebrows at him in question.

“I never said you were in love with me.” Shit. I scoffed and rolled my eyes again, giving him a deadpan look.

“Very well, can’t have you thinking that now that you know those are your eyes.” Mingi laughed, again, as he playfully leaned towards me, making my glare deepen.

“So, you think I’m pretty?” He bit his lower lip and my brain blanked for a second as my eyes ran over his face quickly, taking in his features. Yes, he was very pretty—what the fuck?!

“Just because you have features which are easy to draw, Mingi, doesn’t mean I think you’re pretty. Have I told you already that you’re self-absorbed?” I raised my eyebrows mockingly as I clicked my tongue and Mingi chuckled as he faced forward, turning on the windshield wipers.

“Yes, quite a few times, actually.” I scoffed, putting on my seatbelt when I saw Mingi doing the same.

“Just take me home.” I muttered as I turned my head and looked out the window.

“Tell me your address first.” Mingi’s tone was playful as he turned on the stereo again, this time a channel of a radio playing music in Mingi’s vintage car as he slowly drove off.

After arriving home I had taken a very long and very hot shower, letting my body stay under the stream for a long time, probably making my mother think that I was drowning. I could feel my muscles finally relaxing, the shivers completely gone from my body as I dressed into my warmest pajamas once I got out of the shower, blow-drying my hair quickly, eager to get underneath my warm blanket. Thankfully my mother wasn’t angry at all by the time I got home, she was waiting for me with two mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and a big hug. She didn’t want to tell me where her sudden affection was coming from, but she said she knew there was something wrong, and that I could go to her the next time I’m struggling. It’s funny how she always knows what the problem is, yet I don’t want to burden her furthermore with my own dramatic emotions.

After drinking the hot chocolate and having a laugh with my mother over the comedy show she was watching in her room, I finally retreated to my own room, under the oh, so warm blanket. I couldn’t help but sigh contently and nuzzle even further into the pillow under my head, grateful to be finally able to rest. But as if the Universe was out against me tonight—and it probably was hence the shitshow today was—sleep never came to me. I was beyond tired, yet I couldn’t sleep. I felt slightly restless, as if I had to do something and I wouldn’t be able to rest until I have done it—and that was drawing. The image in my head was begging for me to be released onto a blank canvas, but I wished it could wait until tomorrow—but it couldn’t, so, with a loud sigh, I sat up and turned on my lamp. The sketchbook was bigger than the one I use as a journal since I rarely use it outside of class, but for what I wanted to draw tonight I needed the bigger one. I flipped it open to a new page and grabbed my pencil, twirling it around my fingers as I sectioned the blank paper, searching for the right angle to start the drawing.

First, I settled on drawing the outlines with faded lines, the background not the most important but since it played a part in the spacing of the drawing, I had to start with that. I went and first did the outline of the car from the inside, adding shading to show where the streetlamps couldn’t reach as the car drove down the empty road, gloomy clouds raining down on us, making the roads slippery and reducing visibility, but Mingi was an attentive and calm driver as he hummed and nodded his head to the beat of the music playing on the radio. His jaw was set and eyes focused up front, on the road, eyebrows ever so slightly furrowed and lower lip quite often between his teeth as he bit into the supple flesh, his lips cherry colored and plump. His jawline long, and sharp; and cheekbones well defined, yet not too sharp; his brow bone more forward, giving him an intimidating look from the side with his eyebrows drawn together. His nose, tall, and long, and pointy—too pretty. I cleared my throat and shook my head, focusing on drawing the rest of Mingi’s features and willing my brain to shut up about whether Mingi was pretty or not—he wasn’t. I couldn’t help but draw the sunglasses he wore so hideously backwards, ruining his overall nice look, making me grimace as I darkened his hair by adding more shading to it. I illustrated the shadows falling over his face as well, his gaze slightly obscured from my view. His long fingers gripped the wheel tightly, the gemstones of his rings glinting whenever the light fell on it in a peculiar way, and I couldn’t help but recall the feeling of his skin against mine as drew the lines defining the muscle of his hands. Just as I went to draw his neck, my phone pinged, slightly startling me as it was loud. It was placed on my nightstand and I groaned as I had to lean over half of my bed to reach it. And as I took my phone into my hands, my heart skipped a beat.

I hate him: are u asleep?

I glanced at the clock and realized it would be soon midnight, I had to get this drawing done and then go to sleep as I had class early in the morning tomorrow. Besides, I didn’t want to talk to Mingi. Why was he texting me? Just because we shared a few sappy stories about ourselves doesn’t mean that we have suddenly become best friends, sharing even more life stories with each other—and most certainly Mingi had no business texting me this late at night. With a huff, I let my phone fall next to me as I continued to draw, focusing on my creation instead. Drawing the neck was easy and quick and I focused on adding little details to it instead, the silver chains he had hanging against his neck tonight, peeking through the collar of his black hoodie. I continued drawing the rest of his body, his arms and torso as well as I could as they weren’t too essential to the drawing as of now. I only wanted to draw Mingi’s profile as he drove, the darkness combined with the streetlamps casting beautiful shadows over his flawless face. But drawing Mingi, knowing that Mingi had texted me all of a sudden felt weird, and I sighed as I dropped my pencil, grabbing my phone again as I unlocked it. He had sent the message five minutes ago, that was enough time for him to fall asleep so even if I text him he’ll only see this in the morning and if he’ll answer I won’t have to text him back anymore—because I didn’t want to be texting with Mingi, at all.

Me: no. u?

As I went to close my phone, his reply came instantly, leaving me surprised. There goes my plan of Mingi being asleep and not having to talk to him tonight…

I hate him: nope, why aren’t u sleeping? Me: i can’t sleep. u?

I chewed on my bottom lip as I shuffled around for a second to be able to sit cross legged in my bed.

I hate him: yeah, same. the rain makes it hard for me to sleep…i hate rain, actually, especially the thunder.

I almost went ahead and typed back that I knew, but Mingi wasn’t supposed to know that. Mingi had no idea Yunho and I had dated back in highschool—Mingi had no idea how much I actually knew about him due to Yunho, and I intended on keeping that a secret from him. I didn’t want to wake up old ghosts in my heart which would bring pain once again.

Me: ig i’m fine with rain as long as i’m somewhere inside, but the humidity kills me. it’s the winter time i actually hate…i can’t deal with cold weather, i get easily sick…

I rubbed my forehead as I pressed send and sighed as I lowered my phone into my lap, suddenly aware of the weird butterflies in my stomach, making me almost nauseous. As I glanced back down at my phone, the three bubbles signaling that Mingi was typing back appeared, and I had to take a deep breath to settle my erratic heartbeat. What was happening? Why was my body reacting in such a weird way?

I hate him: oh, yeah, i totally get the winter thing as someone who loves dressing light. i feel like i am more myself in the summer time lol; my style rocks during the summer and then gets okay-ish during the winter, it’s sad actually…

I chuckled and smirked as I quickly typed back.

Me: why? cuz you can’t show off your biceps during the winter? I hate him: ha-ha aren’t u so funny tonight? Me: i’m always funny, mingi…

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I quickly sent the message despite Mingi still typing.

I hate him: u wish u were always funny, doll…if someone’s funny then that person is me, y/n Me: yeah, right, u wish, prince I hate him: aren’t u just in a delightful mood tonight, doll?

I scoffed but couldn’t fight off the amused smile from my lips.

Me: it’s all thanks to you, idiot I hate him: i think I prefer u calling me prince, actually… Me: u wish, idiot. I hate him: anyways, what’s your favorite season?

I raised an eyebrow as I read the text from Mingi.

Me: interesting question I hate him: well u said u didn’t like winter, so what do you like then? Me: not u, that’s for sure…

I couldn’t help but cackle at my own reply, feeling proud of myself over such little thing. I could imagine Mingi chuckling and shaking his head at it, perhaps glaring down at his phone.

Me: autumn or spring, really…not too cold nor too warm, in-between, just perfect u know?

There was a second of nothing until the bubbles popped up again, making me realize I was smiling down at my phone, so I quickly cleared my throat and got it together. There was nothing to be smiling at here.

I hate him: i get it, those seasons are really pretty…talking of pretty…do you really think i’m pretty?

I couldn’t help the loud scoff which left my lips at the same time as I rolled my eyes, very tempted to leave him on read and just go to sleep right then and there.

Me: i have already told you, mingi, i don’t think u are pretty because u a r e n ‘t, get it???

The reply was instant.

I hate him: hahahahahahaha; u are cute!

My body froze for a second, eyebrows furrowing as I reread his reply. What the fuck? Me? Cute? Yeah, sure, cute my ass—this idiot was testing my patience and kindness, once again.

Me: u’re disgusting, I’m blocking u I hate him: whatever u say, gorgeous, I know u a r e n ‘t!!!

My jaw clenched at the blatant mocking and I scoffed loudly as I looked ahead, glaring at nothing particular as my blood was boiling. He really thought I wouldn’t block him? There was nothing holding me back from doing so—suddenly the bubbles appeared again, and I looked down at my phone—just slightly curious.

I hate him: sorry if that was too much, i was just joking. i wanted to ask something all night, but i just didn’t know whether the timing was right or not or just whatever, but…are u okay? like…do you feel okay?

I gulped, my anger dissipating like it never even happened, leaving me confused. Was he now worried about me? Why would he be?

Me: i’m ok, why?

It took a little time for Mingi to answer, and it made me gulp as I read it.

I hate him: bcz your eyes were red when we met in front of the restrooms and idk…u just kinda felt off or smth…i just wanted to make sure. Me: i had a rough day, but i’m fine… thanks for asking ig… I hate him: ofc, anytime

Did he mean that? I couldn’t help but wonder. But there were so many things about Mingi that I didn’t know yet and…something changed tonight. I couldn’t completely hate him like before. The conversation we had in his car, the things he willingly shared with me were so personal and hard, yet he trusted me with them. I couldn’t help but feel good about it, thankful in a way, that despite my demeanor he still found me worthy of knowing about his past—of knowing of the backstory of said song we have listened to. I thought Mingi was all smirks and a cocky attitude, nothing in that empty and self-centered brain of his—yet he pretty much proved me wrong today, and for some reason I didn’t seem to mind too much. I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip as I looked down at my phone, realizing that it was past midnight now, I had to go to sleep.

Me: goodnight, i have classes early in the morning… I hate him: sweet dreams, y/n…see u at uni.

『I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

❱❱ Next chapter

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