#captions are so hard dude how does anyone expect me to live like this

[plulp]

robin

[sunookkii]

hey i know request are closed but this idea just got stuck in my mind and i wanted you to write sum about it if you like it 😭 so basically its an enha reaction/scenario ? where they forget your birthday, (maybe not in a bad way but i dont mind if its angst) hope ur good btw !! <3

a/n : OMG WAIT SRY TO ALL THE OTHER REQUESTS BUT THIS ONE FOR SUM REASON REALLY STUCK OUT TO ME i hope you enjoyyy ;) also I wrote so much I’m so sorry- [not really read proof~]

Also i am well ty for asking >.<

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Enhypen forgetting your bday~

Genre : angsty ish

Warnings : mentions of food, crying, one swear word??

Requested : yes ty beautiful person ;)

Heeseung :

Okay okay so its your birthdayyy and you were really excited for what to happen because you wanted to see what kind of surprise your boyfriend did for your birthday

But to your luck he forgot :(

So you spent all day giving him hints like ‘what day is it’ and at one point you gave up and started pouting really hard

And your face was just overall sad everyone else had remembered your birthday including the members, but for your boyfriend to forget it lowkey hurt

Almost half the day passed and he still didn’t remember

So you ended up going into the room by yourself and started to cry

Your whimpers got louder and louder even though you were trying your best to stay quiet so he doesn’t hear

A few minutes past by and heeseung started looking for you because he sensed something was wrong.

He looked on the calendar really really carefully and FINALLY he came to his realization that it was your birthday but it was kinda too late cuz you hid yourself in your room to cry.

He came into your room to wish you a happy birthday but he sees you curled up into a ball crying to yourself

He felt so bad after this happened, “IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I WONT EVER GORGET AGAIN!”

He hugs you so tight as if your life depended on it, won’t leave you out of his sight for the rest of the day. You’ll be hearing a lot of hbds and ilys for the rest of the day~

^ so yeah 🤕

Jay :

I feel like it’s rare that he forgets these type of dates buut for the sake of tumblr lets pretend he completely forgot 😧

You woke up in a great mood because it was your birthday of course

You were expecting to be receive a hbd wish from your boyfriend, but nope nothing all morning.

You received a bunch of hbd wishes on Instagram and other platforms mentioning you, but none of them were from jay :(

You quickly got frustrated and because it was your birthday and your bf the person you love most didn’t remember really hurt

So gradually your face became wet from heated silent tears. But unlike heeseung he would super quickly notice because he’s on his phone a lot and he dates things like ‘y/ns bday’ (idk but I imagine him dating things on his phone)

He’d then be like OH SHIT ITS YN’s BD

Runs to you soooooo quick just to see your face red and a bit wet.

Once your eyes connected your tears started to come out quicker

He literally runs up to you to hug you HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SO SORRY I FORGOT

After he said that he ran away from you leaving you alone, which made your heart drop thinking that he didn’t care.

But once you finally came out of your room you were greeted with a homemade delicious cake your boyfriend made for you that looked like this

You could tell he felt really bad bc usually he always had a smile on his face while cooking but this time it was a ‘I’m sorry’ face

“I’m really really sorry please forgive me”

All was forgiven bc the cake tasted so mf ing good

Jake :

It was your birthday today, a day that only came once a year so like any other human being it’s a special day for you

You were super excited to see what Jake did for you, because every birthday you had with him was always such a surprise

But today was sort of… different? :(

You saw jake in the living room on the tv and went straight up to him with a smiley face. “GOOODMORNINGGG” 😁

After cuddling for a while on the couch you lifted up your head and asked him If he knew what day it was, he just replyed with a simple Wednesday? With a confused face

I’m pretty sure that one word was enough to make you pretty upset 😅🥲

You started to pout and went back into his chest with a disappointed face.

“Ahh what what, what day is it tell me?” He said playfully, not realizing it was your birthday.

You stayed silent as he checked his phone, ‘y/n’s birthday don’t forget’

When i tell you he gasped he GASPED.

You were already in the verge of tears “IM SO SORRY HBD BABY”

You were still a bit upset at him so you replied with ‘did you really need your phone to tell me what day it was’ 😕

He hugs you tighter while mumbling ‘hbd hbd hbd’

Suddenly let you go of his arms and said he had an errand. Without any explanation he got his car keys to go somewhere leaving you and your thoughts by yourself.

‘Does he not love me anymore that he doesn’t even want to spend time with me on my birthday? ☹️😭”

A while later he comes back and you’re luckily still on the couch where he left you

^^this dude came back with three beautiful cakes from your local cake stores. “I’m bacccckkkk!! please forgive meeeee you know i love you with all my heart 🥺” (okay i hate to use this emoji but there isn’t any other way to describe it TT)

You obviously forgave him because you know it was never his intention to forget,,, “you owe me hugs and kisses for the rest of the day :(“ kindly accepts your request because that is something he’d never complain about #freecuddlesfromyn

Sunghoon :

Okay but like hear me out he’s the type of boyfriend that would ‘pretend’ he forgot your birthday but he actually didn’t

So when he ACTUALLY forgot you just thought he was joking until…

“Hooonieeee, stop joking around I’m seriouss”

“I’m serious too i seriously don’t know what day it is”

“What…”

You leave him for a bit alone with his thoughts, not even gna lie if he did end up forgetting your bday it would take him a while to remember it

But once he remembers he feels so bad 😭

Tackles you with so many hugs and bday kisses and showers you with I’m sorrys and hbd wishes

genuinely ask himself how he forgot the lohls birthday (love of his life’s) literally beats himself for it

And you have to tell him that it’s fine and that you forgive him~

Brings out the birthday cake and sings you a happy birthday song while clapping and laughing.

Puts cake on your nose

Sunoo :

Idk if he’s the type to forget but like jay I don’t think he’d forget

I feel like to him birthdays are the MOST special thing/ date for a person

Like obviously the rest of the members think that but especially sunoo really like sticks to this

So if he had forgotten your birthday you were sooo hurt you ignored him the whole day keeping your distance until he finally remembered

Once he remembered he went to go find you ASAP where you were hiding int he corner of the bedroom moping

He showers you with hugs cuddles kisses pecks, you name it he does it

He feels so bad that he could forget smtg like this, literally asks himself how he could forget such an important date

If the convenience store was still open he’d run to the nearest store and surprise you with a birthday cake. But not just any cake it’d be a cake that was decorated by the one and only Kim Sunoo

Would prepare it so nicely and even have a lit up candle so you can wish on it.

the type to surprise you with it even though he forgot. Brings it to your room while singing the hbd song.

Puts cake frosting on your nose #2, takes lots and lots of pictures to post on insta later

caption : “happy birthday sunshine~”

Jungwon :

he was on the couch as per usual just scrolling through his phone to keep himself occupied but also updated

Not knowing what day it was,,,,,,,

you come outside of your bedroom excitedly to expect a wishful happy birthday wish from the person you love most

But for some reason it oddly seemed like a normal day

“Wonnniiieee my loveeee, guess what day it is!” You said with a sheepish smile

“Hmm wednesday?” He said looking up at you with a calm face

Your happy smile soon became a little pout

“You really don’t know?”

“Isn’t it just a regular Wednesday? Why is there something special?”

oh my- he broke your heart right then and there

You run back into your room because you feel heated tears about to fall, even though it was something small the thought of him not remembering your birthday the day of your birth hurt. A little.

Jungwon was actually super clueless he genuinely didn’t know what day it is but something about you seemed off and the way you ran to your room was quite odd to him so he went and followed you

Before he opened the door he already heard small whimpers from the corner of the bed, and that immediately triggered him and he was about to beat up anyone that made you feel sad 😠 little did he know it was him who made you feel that way

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying”

He holds your chin and turns it to get a better look

wiping your tears with his thumb, you were being a dramatic his giggles make you feel a bit better even though you were mad at him for forgetting

“You forgot my birthday.” You said to him while crying

You can literally see the gears in his brain start to turn when his face went from 😄 -> 😳

“IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY” hugs you so tight that you literally can’t breathe

Doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better, “I’m really sorry for forgetting your birthday, I don’t really know what got into me, please forgive me.”< cue the cutest kitty puppy eyes

He kept on rambling on abt how he was sorry and deserves your forgiveness you literally had to shut him up, he was sorry please forgive him >~<

Cuddles you for the rest of the day

Niki :

He was playing video games normally on his phone, until you excitedly stormed into his room “hiiiii babbbbyyyy”

“Well someone is happy today :)”

“Well of course bc u know what day it isss ;)”

“Wednesday?”

😧😦 < that’s what you looked like when he didn’t know, “you really don’t remember?”

“hmm I’m not too sure” he said before going back to his game

you slowly became disappointed and just ‘celebrated’ your birthday by yourself in the kitchen. :,((

he didn’t notice that you were sad at first bc he was busy playing on his phone, around an hour later he went to the kitchen to get a snack when he sees you in the kitchen staring into space rested your chin on you arm.

‘Are you okay? You seemed fine earlier’

You decided to play the silent game and just avoided him... so he tried to get you to talk to him but after a while it didn’t work so he sort of gave up and went to ask his hyungs what’s wrong with you.

“Niki,,, it’s y/n’s birthday omg did you forget??????” Jake said texting niki

and that’s when the lightbulb in his brain turned on

He rushed to the kitchen and back hugged you so tight and gave you so many cheekie kissies to try and make up for ‘forgetting’

But to his luck you were still mad at him

Soooo he came up with the idea of going to the convenience store really quick to get you a bunch of flowers and a nice cake to surprise you~

You ended up forgiving him because he was tickling you threatening you to forgive him

N knowing Niki he’s not a person you can be mad at for long <3

[obxdrewseph]

Tik Tok - Rafe Cameron

Description: Rafe Cameron falls for a girl he often sees in a cafe and is too nervous to talk to her, so his best friend, Topper, decides to take matters into his own hands and makes a tik tok asking if anyone can identify Rafe’s crush. Of course, she sees it and confronts him. 

P.S. pretend covid doesnt exist in this LOL

---------

“Bro, just do it.”

“No.”

“Rafe, c’mon man. When did you become such a pussy?”

“Shut the hell up man, I’m not.” 

“Then ask her out!” 

“No!” 

It was your typical Wednesday afternoon-- the college cafe was bustling with students coming in and out from classes and from students mingling with their friends.

Rafe and Topper sat in the midst of all the chaos, ignoring their econ homework to stare at Rafe Cameron’s current obsession.

“How is this girl different from any other you’ve liked? Just man up and ask for her number or something.” 

Rafe Cameron. 

Notorious player on campus. And douchebag. He was the type to sleep with a girl and kick her out of his room at 3 in the morning. He never had strong feelings for a girl, which is why Topper was baffled at the fact he kept staring at the dark haired, brown eyed plain Jane in the corner of the coffee shop. 

“Look, she’s just a pretty girl. And she just looks... shy I guess.” Rafe lamely said. He didn’t know why he wasn’t just barging up to her like he normally did at parties. Of course, those girls were clawing to get to him. He didn’t have to work as hard. 

Topper sighed loudly. “Fine, fine. If you’re gonna force my hand.” 

Rafe raised a brow as Topper slowly pulled his phone from his pocket. 

He then began to film the girl and zooming in on her face. 

“Top, what are you--”

“Ssssh.” 

After 30, long, agonizing seconds for Rafe Cameron, his best friend finally stopped filming the poor girl.

“Does anyone know this girl? This loser wants to ask her out...” He spoke as he typed.

“No wait--”

“Done. Just posted on tik tok.”

Rafe’s jaw dropped.

“What?”

“Now, we wait.” 

-------

You had a long day of classes and all you wanted to do was fall in your bed. 

But no, as a history major, you had to read 250 pages (the entire book needed to be read by the end of the week, but you were spacing), write detailed notes on them, and then start on your essay that is due next week. 

You always liked to get ahead of schedule so that your work wouldn’t pile up. 

After sitting in the cafe for an hour, you had to go home to cook dinner. You hated eating at cafes since bread just wasn’t your thing. 

Once you hit your dorm room, you checked your phone that seemed to have hundreds of notifications.

"The fuck?” You whispered out loud. As an RA, you could say whatever you wanted to in your room, but you still felt weird swearing in front of others. Which is why you whispered the words to yourself.

You dropped your bag at the door and quickly opened your phone. 

GIRL, CHECK TIK TOK 

Congrats, you’re famous! don’t forget me lol

rafe cameron ?? honeyyy get itttttt 

Confusion. That’s all you felt. You quickly clicked on the link on of your friends sent you. 

You watched the video set in as Topper, the owner of the account, zoomed in on your face at the cafe you were just in. You didn’t think you looked pretty as your hair was a mess and you hadn’t showered in a couple of days. 

Not to mention you were wearing jeans and a baggy t-shirt-- the normal college attire. 

As you read the caption, you felt your heart race at an abnormal rate. 

The words became blurry fairly quickly as your stress started to build up. You set your phone down on the counter to avoid dropping it-- you were rational enough to do that. 

You kept getting texts from your closest friends saying two words: Call me. But at this point, you couldn’t even think straight. What was a hot, popular guy like Rafe Cameron doing pining over you? And apparently being too afraid to ask you out?

Honestly, you had never been hit on in your first two years of college and you didn’t think it was going to start with Rafe Cameron, the richest guy at the school. And every straight college girl’s wet dream. 

You heard your phone buzz on the counter and you checked caller ID. It was your best friend.

You took a deep breath and answered it.

“Hey, you didn’t tell me you were dating Rafe Cameron.” She joked. 

“Shut up! Tell me what to do!!” You screamed. 

“Ok, ok, I can tell you’re freaking out and nervous, but this is a good thing! A happy thing! A guy liked you so much that he put a video--”

“His best friend posted the video--”

“As I was saying, put a video out about YOU! This is your chance to finally have the romance you’ve always dreamed of, right? You’re always pining after those book boyfriends or whatever who AREN’T REAL.”

She emphasized the last part which made you cringe. Your obsession with fictional characters was justified-- if she read, she would know. 

“Dude, this is Rafe. Rafe fucking Cameron.” She gasped at your swearing, a joke both of you had because you’ve known each other since you were children.

“Exactly, it’s Rafe motherfucking Cameron, meaning, you HAVE to go after him.” 

“No, you’re wrong! He’s Rafe Cameron! If he was really into me, he would’ve asked me out already. Literally no one can say no to him nor does anyone want to.” You bit your lip, thinking of ways to get out of this. “You know what? I bet this is a prank or something.”

“A prank?”

“Yeah, like Topper trying to embarrass Rafe by making an ugly girl ask him out--”

“First of all, don’t talk about yourself like that. And second, no, tik tok is not the place to embarrass girls. They would get roasted so hard. And third, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.”

Contrary to your best friend, you never seriously wanted a relationship. You were the type to fantasize about falling in love and hyped up all of your friends when they had crushes, but you never truly found someone you wanted to get to know or wanted to date. 

It just seemed so outlandish to you. 

Plus, you wrote off college boys when one followed all of your roommates on instagram besides you. That kinda knocked your ego down. 

“Look, I’m just going to ignore this. I don’t think it’s going to be the love story you think so I’m gonna go.”

“Wait, y/n--”

You hung up before she could finish. 

You just couldn’t deal with her hopeless romanticism right now. 

You sighed and tied your hair into a messy bun. How could you finish your homework now? 

--------

“I don’t think she saw it.” 

Topper laughed at his nervous looking friend.

“Dude, she definitely saw it. It has thousands of likes the last time I checked and I’m pretty sure people were tagging her in the comments.”

Rafe fixed his hat so it covered his face. He definitely didn’t want his friend to notice it turning beet red. 

“I hate you dude.” 

“No you don’t.” 

Once again, the two rich boys were sitting in the same cafe they were in yesterday. They had been sitting in there for two hours now, and there was no sign of the mysterious girl who did or did not know she was tik tok famous.

“I don’t think she’s coming.” Rafe commented. On one hand, he was relieved he wouldn’t have to talk to her. But on the bigger hand, he desperately wanted to see her again. He didn’t know why he was so captivated by her brightly dyed hair or the 10 pins stuck on her backpack. She seemed so normal, yet she stuck out with all the book stickers she had on her laptop. Rafe would never tell a living soul that he liked reading YA romance novels but he felt like he could confide in this mysterious girl. 

“I don’t know. It’s still early.” Topper noted. 

“Um, excuse me?” 

The two boys’ heads shot up at the dainty voice.

You were wearing black ripped jeans with a white top; it was the most simple outfit Rafe had seen you in as you usually dressed in bright colors. He would never admit it, but he even noticed when you changed your nail polish.

What Rafe didn’t know was that your best friends held an intervention last night and told you to dress “more to his style” which included simple attire. Yet, you couldn’t fully immerse in the role and wore your favorite bucket hat that was covered in white daisies. 

“Hey,” Rafe said lamely. 

Topper immediately gathered his stuff and left you two alone. What a homie.

At Rafe’s bland answer, you smiled politely. 

“Can I sit?” You asked. Rafe nodded and gestured towards the seat. He didn’t know why he was acting so weird, but you were just so much prettier up close. 

He could see the bright red earrings you wore that matched your Nikes and noticed your clumsily applied makeup (which he knew because his sister was so good at it). It only made his heart race even faster.

“Um, so I saw the video... I’m sure you know which one I’m talking about.” 

The boy blushed.

“Yeah?” He tried to act suave and calm, but his nerves were all over the place. He felt a bit calmer seeing the girl start to play with her hair: a nervous trait his sister said most girls had. 

“Um, well, I... I was wondering...” The girl trailed off, her face turning a darker red. He almost felt bad for her, but she was so darn cute and wanted her to continue.

“Look, I’m really bad at this... and I know you’re good at it, so...” 

The boy’s ego inflated slightly. 

“So?” 

This wasn’t going the way you wanted it to go. You felt frustrated that you couldn’t even get the words out that you practiced. Your eyes prickled with tears from embarrassment; you wanted to get out of the situation as soon as possible. You didn’t know what you were thinking approaching the hottest guy in campus and expect not to be tongue tied. 

And his lack of words made you think he was just messing with you. 

You felt a gentle hand on top of yours which burst your drama bubble. You looked up and saw Rafe’s bright blue eyes full of concern, and... something else.

Dammit, he probably thinks I’m a weirdo. 

“Hey, it’s ok. Honestly, it was my friend, the one who left earlier, it was his idea to put the video up and he did it without my permission. If it were up to me, it would’ve taken a lot longer to pluck up the courage to approach you...” He confessed. 

This shocked you. Rafe Cameron... tongue tied around you?? 

“Look, let’s start over. I’m Rafe Cameron, junior, business major, and fun fact: I’m on the hockey team.” You knew all of those details, but you let him give a formal introduction. You thought it was cute that he felt the need to explain all of this to you because there wasn’t anyone at your campus who didn’t know who he was.

You held out your hand.

“Y/N, a sophomore and a history major. Fun fact: I’m an RA.” His eyes brightened at your response and shook your hand with a smile. 

He had to practice his stern handshake with businessmen his father forced him to meet, but your hands were gentle and soft, like they were afraid of hurting him. It’s been a while since someone has treated him so delicately. He liked it. 

“Well, y/n, it’s a good thing I don’t live in the dorms because I definitely would’ve tried to act up to get your attention.” He teased. 

You laughed at the response because you knew a couple of the young freshmen who made a ruckus in the lounges so that you had to come in and yell at them. 

You shrugged. “I don’t know, we could’ve met sooner if you were.” 

The flirty words flowed from you naturally and you wanted to take them back as soon as they left your mouth.

But they made Rafe Cameron blush, so you let it go.

Suddenly, his watch buzzed and he swore under his breath.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I have a business meeting to get to. Can I get your number for uhhh... for future purposes?” 

His slight fumble of words made you grin.

“Of course.” 

I guess tik tok is good for something. 

[tardis-stowaway]

Ten years after the Not-pocalypse, Adam Young, age 21 and recently graduated from university:

-Works in a crappy retail job and lives in a tiny, crappy flat in London

-The crappy flat has no sound insulation, so he’s always hearing the absurd amount of movement from the people in the flat above and the really loud but not quite intelligible conversations from the people in the flat next door. It’s a long way to the nearest public park, and he misses the green of home.

-Is not all that good at his customer service job, with the exception that if a customer is irrationally angry about something, he says he wants to make sure he understands the problem and repeats their complaint back to them with this look in his eyes, and they universally back down and often apologize. His coworkers love him for it. Everything else is just drudgery.

-Single, despite his best efforts. Okay, maybe not his best efforts, but some efforts.

-Knows that his childhood was uncommonly idyllic at least partly due to his powers. He’s not entirely sure how his life went quite so off the rails lately.

-Maybe his powers have faded gradually since he rejected his destiny, or maybe it’s just that on some level he absorbed the expectation that being in one’s early 20’s means being broke and a little lost, and the expectation made it happen whether he wanted it or not.

-Or maybe he just should’ve chosen a more employable course of study at uni instead of comparative religion. In his defense, it seemed relevant to his life.

-Spends much of his free time on climate crisis activism. He’ll be damned (ha) if he stood against the forces of Heaven and Hell, the Four Horsepeople of the Apocalypse, and his own birthright to preserve the continuing existence of humanity on the Earth only for humans to blunder into destroying themselves unintentionally through greed and shortsighted decisions.

-He’s been doing this since he was twelve, when Brian sent the Them’s group text an article about the group Extinction Rebellion with the caption “named for us?? :)” Adam had laughed, then actually read the article. Within a week he’d convinced the Them and a dozen of their classmates to show up at the next town council meeting with a list of sustainability demands.

-No matter how many civil disobedience events he takes part in, he never seems to get arrested. Adam suspects it’s his supernatural entity privilege. Pepper says it’s probably mostly that he’s white and great at charming his way out of trouble.

-He’s still friends with all of the Them, but they don’t live especially close together. He does have a flatmate, an American who Adam met at uni.

-At this point you, a genre-savvy reader of much Good Omens fic and meta, are probably seeing the word “American” and thinking that Adam is flatmates with Warlock Dowling. For once, you are wrong. 

-Adam’s flatmate is Jesus.

-Not Jesus Christ, but a young man named Jesus Dominguez, pronounced the Spanish way (like hay-soos).

-Jesus is from Southern California, and he talks more than a little bit like a surfer stereotype. He’s got warm brown skin, shoulder-length dark hair in perpetually-mussed waves, and a little beard. He’s kinda leaning into the look  to mess with people, but it’s also the same style found on at least a third of the other male-presenting hipsters in London.

-When he learned that he was going to share a flat with someone named Jesus, Adam called Crowley and Aziraphale. He’s never been gladder that he stayed in touch with them, because he NEEDED someone who understood how the Antichrist and Jesus sharing a flat sounded like the setup for a joke or a sitcom. Crowley did indeed laugh out loud, then told Adam that as a fellow lapsed member of the forces of Hell, he could personally recommend sharing quarters with a heavenly adversary. Aziraphale just muttered “oh, stop” at Crowley.

-Adam moved to London because it was easier to get to the important protests there, and because he was curious. He spent the first six months desperately homesick for Tadfield. The city was so crowded but somehow he still felt so alone, other than Jesus.

-Then a midnight fire-alarm in their building sent him and Jesus into the streets along with dozens of their neighbors. Adam finally met the people in the flat above theirs who made all that moving around noise. They were an older couple who took ballroom dancing lessons at the senior center and liked to practice at home. Mrs. Kapoor tried to teach Adam how to foxtrot right there on the pavement in the middle of the night. He stepped on her feet, but since he was in bare feet and she’d actually taken the time to find shoes it wasn’t a big deal.

-Meanwhile Jesus was finally talking to the loud young men from next door. By the time Adam wandered over, Jesus had learned their names (Leon, Seamus, and Nazim) and secured an invitation for the two of them to come over to watch Saturday’s football match, and to join their next D&D campaign (“just no more  paladins,” said Nazim). Adam looked forward to finding out whether it was the D&D or the football that was the cause of more yelling.

-As the evacuation stretched on with no hint of either actual fire or clearance to go back inside, the building’s children began to get fussy. Adam found a coin on the ground (successfully picking it up, because Crowley didn’t make it to this neighborhood very often) and proceeded to distract them with stage magic.

-He initially learned stage magic from Aziraphale, but he’s better at it than the angel ever was. He hardly cheats physical reality at all. The kids love it.

-When the fire department finally gives them the clearance to go back inside, Adam’s stomach rumbles. “Is anyone else hungry?,” he asks, to a chorus of agreement. It’s too late for any nearby takeout, but Jesus chats with their neighbors about options.

-Jesus enlists Adam’s help in going from flat to flat gathering ingredients from everyone, and before long they’re serving fish tacos and grilled cheese sandwiches to a small crowd of pajama-clad people. It’s 2 am, but everyone is smiling, or at least has contentment at the edge of their yawns.

-The next day, Mrs. Kapoor brings Adam and Jesus a spider plant cutting, because she thought their flat looked too bare. Adam texts a picture of it to Crowley and receives back lengthy instructions on watering, pot size, soil, and the most effective threats for the species.

-Five months later, the local planning council has an intense debate about why crime rates in one neighborhood have dropped by 75% since their last meeting. They each try to claim credit for their pet civic projects. Actually, it’s because Adam Young has started to love London, or at least his nook of it.

-Buskers soon realize that certain tube stops are generating far more tips than they ever have before, with no obvious demographic shift accounting for the change. The common ground is that these are the stops on Adam’s commutes to work and his activist meetings. He can only occasionally spare a tip himself, but his enjoyment of the music is contagious.

-Even after the breakthrough, not every day is good. On a late summer day that just happens to be the anniversary of the day the world didn’t end, Adam comes home from a protest fuming.

-“Dude, you okay?” asks Jesus, looking up from his guitar. (Jesus sometimes goes to protests with Adam, but not usually the ones where they’re planning on breaking laws. “I’m a brown-skinned foreigner, man. Do you think I’ll get away with what you get away with? I’m not ready for that yet,” he says, and Adam can’t argue.)

-“The media barely showed up at our event, probably because it was about a million degrees and even though that’s exactly what we’re protesting, nobody wants to be out in it. Six of our people passed out from the heat and three got arrested. They still didn’t arrest me, but I got pushed over and cracked my phone screen. On my way home, some drunk on the tube vomited on my shoes. Our green jobs bill still doesn’t have the votes in Parliament, and have you seen the latest news on the Antarctic ice sheets?” Adam kicks off his shoes, then collapses dramatically onto the futon and groans.

-“Sounds rough,” says Jesus.

-“I should’ve just ended the damn world when I was eleven and I had the chance. Would’ve been quicker,” Adam mutters.

-Jesus gets up and goes to the kitchen. He brings Adam a beer. “You don’t mean that, bro,” he says.

-Adam sighs, accepting the beer. “I suppose not.”

-He drinks his beer. Dog, now grey-muzzled and slow, shuffles over to curl up at his feet. Adam pulls out his phone, which is cracked but still seems functional. He’s got a text from Aziraphale.

-“Dear Adam,” the text begins, because Aziraphale might have finally deigned to learn to text but he steadfastly refused to adopt its stylistic conventions, “I hope that you have returned safely from today’s protest. I’m very proud of your continuing efforts, and though he won’t admit it I know that Crowley feels the same. Please write back at your earliest convenience. Fondly, Aziraphale”

-Adam texts back to reassure the angel, who will doubtless pass it on to Crowley, then he texts similar reassurances to his parents and to Mrs. Kapoor upstairs. He’s still figuring out this adulthood thing, but he’s got a lot of parental figures looking out for him. His Infernal Bio-Dad isn’t one of them, and that’s the way Adam likes it.

-Through the open window comes the sound of music blasting from a car stuck in traffic below. Freddie Mercury and David Bowie are singing:

And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night, And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves.

-He turned down the chance to rule the world, and he’d make the same choice again, but he still feels a certain proprietary responsibility towards the planet and its inhabitants. His father—his real, earthly father—didn’t raise him to shirk responsibility, and he’s not one to cave under pressure.

-Life is hard, people are mostly idiots, and the world is coming apart at the seams, but it’s his messed up life and his idiotic people and his beautiful, half-broken world.

[calypsoff]

Twenty Eight. Part 2

I didn’t expect me to be this way, I didn’t expect me to be wiping my tears like this “You're a shooting star I see, A vision of ecstasy” Robyn’ and I eyes met as she sang, I felt like I put her off as she closed her eyes. Robyn is pushing through this so much, I couldn’t be anymore proud. Wiping my eyes as I walked off “woah” hitting into Rich “you good?” he asked, nodding my head. I just want to get backstage; I can’t wait to hold her. She is such a strong woman to be doing this, like I would have walked off because that is just too much, walking by the screaming fans but you know what. They have really helped Robyn sing through it, they were chanting her name, singing the lyrics with her. But they are annoying still, I need to stop wiping my tears, but I can’t stop crying, it hurt to know that she went through that. I felt her pain through it, I was there with her “oh Chris” Mel hugged me, unexpected but she hugged me, and it was nice. Wrapping my arm around her “I saw you crying, and then she was crying. I am so sorry for your loss, it’s so heart-breaking” nodding my head “she is strong to do this, I can’t even deal” moving back from the hug, Mel placed her arm around me as we made our way backstage. I can’t wait to just hug her when she gets off that stage, I am so glad I came here. Imagine if I didn’t come, I would have felt awful and I hate when I am stubborn towards Robyn but that is just me. I need to be more giving, I say this, but I won’t because that is me, I am dumb at times.

Everyone is just waiting for Robyn to come off stage, me I am about to push everyone out of the way “come on” I said to myself, Tina is stood waiting with a robe to put on her but they don’t understand I am about to push everyone out of the way “she is coming” someone said, seeing my emotional twin stepping down the steps “move” I pushed everyone out of the way, even Tina got pushed because I don’t care “Chris” holding onto her wrist, my baby is still crying “come here” grabbing her waist and picking her down, Robyn wrapped her arms around my neck as she sobbed out “I am so proud of you” carrying her away and placing her down on the ground “I am so sorry I wasn’t here for you for the first time around, I am so so sorry” I feel so bad about it, rubbing her back “I can’t believe I lost our baby, why me” everyone is staring, like some did know, some didn’t and the some that didn’t are staring in shock “you’re making me cry” closing my eyes “let it out, I am here for you” such a weird silence backstage, you can hear the chatter and screaming of people and the silence back here, the sobbing of Robyn has halted people and the people that overheard what she said, they put their head down “you did great you know that, you know you did” I said trying to make her feel better “I am not great Chris, I let it happen. I couldn’t stop it, I knew it was happening, I did it. That song will always be connected to that moment, I was in pain and I did nothing” I swallowed hard, this is horrible for us both.

Moving back from the hug, placing my hands at the side of Robyn’ face and wiping her tears with my thumb “stop it” my voice jerked, I hurt for her so much “I am sorry” she put her head down “and then I saw you there, I made you cry too” putting my head down “you had me choked up, let’s get on the bus to go ok?” Robyn nodded her head, letting her hands go. Her entourage were all still here, waiting to do their job but all they got was Robyn and I crying, emotional to say. Tina placed her robe around Robyn “I need to take my tour outfit off before I leave this building so follow me” nodding my head, I ain’t the type of nigga to cry in front of anyone but Robyn had me choked up so much “I am sorry” looking to the side of me, Jay Brown just there “I am sorry for your loss, to both of you. I didn’t know that happened” nodding my head, I guess a lot of people didn’t know but they do now. Walking off behind Robyn, I guess I didn’t care at first and I can admit I didn’t, I did but then I didn’t but to be in that circle with Robyn. To feel how she felt, to know she craves that. And to know the pain women go through, I will never forgive myself for making Robyn feel like she couldn’t tell me. Because I made her feel that way, I love her too damn much. She isn’t no regular chick; she is the love of my life and I would do anything for her. Even though I tend to be hard headed but with Robyn, I would give up my lung for her.

Walking up the steps after Robyn and onto the bus “you got your suitcases on this bus yes?” Robyn asked, she is always checking on me “yes I do, Jen told me. Don’t worry about it, let’s just relax” placing my hands at the side of Robyn’ waist “I am going to my room at the back, I will be back out soon” Robyn said to the girls “does that include me? Do I come” Robyn placed her hands over mine “you know damn well it does” I chuckled as we walked by the rows of bunks to get to the back, I am glad I am here for Robyn. Robyn moved her hands away from my hands to open the door “I just want to spend time with you, I have a headache. I took some painkillers anyways” closing the door behind me “I can imagine, I am super proud of you though. Like you pushed through, you had me crying. Like I do feel that guilt that you couldn’t come to me because I was being an asshole” taking my shoes off “it is something I need to move on from, we need to move on from but I will once I get what I want. But like I said to my mom I need to do this but let god do it, and let god bless us. The thing is, it’s not just my baby. It was yours too so I do want you to feel that way, I do want you to mourn it because why shouldn’t you. When we had sex, when that was made it was done with you there too you know” Robyn got choked up “I probably sound crazy but I loved you from the start and all I see it as, that we are making a baby out of love because I don’t know about you, I don’t see myself with any other man, I don’t see myself being this way with anyone else, I don’t feel comfortable to allow another man to touch me, love me. So having a baby with you it feels natural” licking my top lips nodding my head “you know, it’s difficult because as a man I don’t know how to feels to lose a baby. But to see you on that stage, to see you cry to feel your pain through those song words. I felt it, and it’s horrible to feel. Imagine singing stay when you’re losing, it’s just” taking in a deep breath “hard, and shit. If we was together back then, I would have put a baby in you because I was in that live for the moment dude. Shit you are beautiful, why wouldn’t I. I just feel like I do now, as an adult. I shy away from a lot of things, but your mom is right let god bless us. But this time I ain’t going to be no bitch nigga, I am going to be grown about this. I don’t deserve you in the first place, even to begin with. Look at you, you’re even beautiful when you cry” Robyn snorted laughing “be quiet, just snuggle me and rub my head please” I will rub anything of hers.

Lightly racking my hand through her hair as she rested her eyes, not sure if she is asleep or just resting her eyes “if I never went back, let’s say I lived in VA for the rest of my life because I loved it there. Where do you think we would be?” Robyn is awake, well and truly is “erm, well I wouldn’t have got locked up. I think we would probably be on baby number three” Robyn chuckled “see, I knew that. Chile, thank god I left. I wouldn’t be able to feel my pussy anymore when you done with me” she is so cute “keep doing that though, I am going to fall asleep” Robyn has my arm trapped under her and then my other hand just racking through her hair, I am trapped here “I think it’s crazy how much I fell for you, like you would need to be there. Well you would need to be me to know how I felt, you were my best friend but yet I loved you and it was hard. And then anyone that would even utter a word saying she is from the islands; they would just say that. I would be pissed off, like you would always tell me the things wrong with you, which didn’t ever phase me. That one time I got you angry because you got a spot on your forehead and you shouted that you were on your period and you’re getting on my nerves, you shut me up so quick. Oh god, I just wish you told me where you went. You hurt me for that and then I had to see you on TV, that hurt” looking over at her, the mouth breather is asleep “of course she is” pressing a kiss to her cheek, she is annoying making me speak without her listening.

Seeing as I am trapped under Robyn, I ain’t got nothing to do but go on my phone and just scroll through shit and go through messages from my clothing line. I really don’t care if any celebrity Seeing as I am trapped under Robyn, I ain’t got nothing to do but go on my phone and just scroll through shit and go through messages from my clothing line. I really don’t care if any celebrity messages me now saying can you drop me something, I ain’t about to leave Robyn for shit. I do that once I leave this tour, Robyn said I will depart when she goes to Canada and that will be it. I won’t leave her side for shit right now, luckily nobody has messaged besides some weird people that the boys can answer, switching my Instagram page to my own page. I be gaining followers every damn day on this bitch, tapping on my tagged photos. I wonder if it’s full of my dick print posts, I mean I don’t mind that shit. Oh it’s different now, tapping on the video. I watched it on mute because Robyn is asleep, oh brother. Of course her ugly fans have got me crying, oh shit. Backing out of the post and tapping on the side by side photo someone has done, well a fan of hers. I look like some little bitch trying to hide my face, scrolling down to the caption ‘OMG! They are the cutest. He really loves her’ rolling my eyes, her fans need to be banned from doing these things. Pulling a face and adding a comment to the page ‘I do love her’ pressing send on the comment. Tapping on the plus sign, scrolling through my pictures. Most of these pictures is designs, ok here we are. Let me post this picture of Robyn when we went to the Cabin, I was actually taking a selfie of me, but Robyn was busy staring at the full moon that was so bright, she looks so pretty but yet content. Adding the caption ‘Super proud of you twin, today was hard for you, for me, for us. You did this, you did that twin, and I am ever so proud of you. I love you to the moon and back, my twin flame, on that soulmate shit. My childhood sweetheart, I love you @badgalriri’ pressing send on the post, that shit was mushy as fuck.

See how I stayed with Robyn, but I fell asleep and she left me, and they are out there having a damn party. See how rude Robyn is, rubbing my eyes. Dang, how long was I gone for, my boredom must have put me to sleep. Tapping my side button to check on my phone, I have a few missed calls but I can’t be bothered. Let me see what the fuck they are doing out there, shuffling off of the bed. Pulling down my sweatpants, Robyn disapproved of sweatpants, but I am sorry, they are comfy. Placing my feet in the slides, they are really just having a party out there but it’s good that Robyn is having fun, I want that for her. Walking by the rows of bunk beds but then I realised I need to pee so I turned back around, let me pee before Robyn says my dick look too big in it “oh if it’s not mr I am not good enough for my haircuts” oh this is Yusuf “I never said that” I said defending myself “just know baby I could have done better, when you need a weave on your head don’t come to me baby, my doors are closed” I ain’t even do anything “anyways, I just finished in there good luck boo” pulling a face at him, he is too sassy for me.

Mel pointed at me “I thought you said he was banned from sweatpants” oh god they all know about this “what?” I said smirking all confused “mhmm, we discussed things. Sit with me” Robyn waved me over patting the seat “or you can sit next to me, this is the better side. If you sit on that side it’s the bitter bitch side” Mel is making me want to sit on her side “I have to sit with Robyn, because y’all don’t hear her if I don’t” shuffling to Robyn, sitting next to her as everyone booed out “how you so whipped by her? Jeez, we only wanted to even the game out, Robyn tells him he can sit here” Robyn wrapped her arms around my neck “nope, he stays with me, take Jen. I rather Chris sit with me “Chris has to be picked on then, truth or dare” I sighed out “is that why y’all screaming? Dang, I should have stayed in the bedroom but I ain’t no bitch nigga either so dare” I don’t care “suck Robyn’ toes” my head snapped in Robyn’ direction “you told them this!?” I spat, Robyn’ face softened confused “what, no?” the whole bus went into hysterics “you are so dumb, I didn’t say anything to nobody. You said dare, you just made a scene” looking around everyone as they continued to do the most “he’s done it already, nope. None-void. You suck toes now Mr Brown? Is this who we are” Yusuf said, my cheeks became very red “I didn’t say anything” I am not here for this “move on! Please” Robyn spat “ok we change it to truth, so Chris what is your favourite body part you like to suck on with Robyn of course?” I am still suck on the fact I put myself in that situation and they now know “her neck, like on god. I have to always suck on that, I love her neck a lot” Yusuf snorted laughing “and ten toes too” I hate myself, I really do.

[nerdypanda3126]

It’s Complicated - Ch. 6

Read on Ao3 Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5 Ch. 7

Chapter 6: Broken Threads

What. The hell. Just happened.

When he asked Ladybug what he knew was a sensitive question, he had expected a gentle decline, maybe a smile as if he were teasing her, maybe—in his wildest dreams—she would say yes and fall into his arms and they would live happily ever after.

But the look of pure panic. The way she backed away from him. The terror on her face as he walked towards her. Then she ran into his arms and started crying before she just ran off.

What is he supposed to take from that?

She said she’ll explain. He just has to have faith in her.

Just get through tonight then. Go back to the concert and play the second set. Get out of it as fast as he can and walk Kagami home and then…

Then what? Apologize profusely to his bodyguard, hope his father hasn’t noticed his absence, collapse on his bed, and wait for Ladybug to contact him? Sigh despondently while Plagg makes fun of him, hoping that Ladybug's explanation is not a flat out refusal, but maybe a confession of her love for him?

Visit Marinette? No. Bad idea, horrible idea, terribly stupid idea.

Just start with getting back to the concert. He's probably used up the time that he had bought himself, and the others are probably wondering where he went. Hopefully no one tried to follow him and found that he had disappeared. He unlatches his baton and opens it so he can step off the high platform of the Eiffel tower and helicopter down.

***

When he gets back to the houseboat, the band is taking a break. He had timed it well. But as he mounts the steps again, Nino pulls him aside.

"Dude, spill. What happened with Marinette?"

"Marinette?"

"Yeah, she went to check on you and she just got back a bit ago. Did you two talk?"

What’s with Nino? His tone is urgent, on the verge of being aggressive. Protective. Alarm bells start to go off in Adrien’s head as he processes what Nino said. Marinette followed him? Did she see him transform? Does she know? He scans the deck, looking for Marinette, but he doesn’t see her.

“Where is she?"

“She went below with Luka.”

“Luka?” Adrien pushes past Nino and strides onto the deck. He reaches the stairs to below deck and pauses. What exactly is he doing? As he hesitates, Marinette emerges. He’s frozen as she mounts the stairs towards him, her head down. She lifts her eyes when she gets to the top and meets his. Her lips part in surprise, but she quickly closes them. She’s been crying. Why is Marinette crying? She blushes deeply and pulls the sleeves of the hoodie she’s wearing down over the heels of her hands.

Marinette doesn’t usually wear a hoodie.

Realization hits him like a baseball bat to the stomach. He staggers a step backwards. It’s Luka’s hoodie. Marinette is wearing Luka’s hoodie.

She drops her eyes and slides past him, her head lowered. She crosses the deck to sit between Alya and Kagami. He can see Alya ask her something, and Marinette shakes her head, a small, sad smile on her face. Alya puts an arm around her and shoots Adrien a dark look.

He hears Luka step up a moment later, and his head turns back to the entrance to below deck. Luka’s eyes catch on Adrien’s as well. There’s a hard set to his face and something is bubbling under his usual calm. He’s the one clenching his fist at his side this time.

What. The hell. Is happening? Why is Marinette upset? And why is everyone apparently mad at him?

Luka takes a deep breath and his brief charge of electricity dissipates. He shakes his hand out at his side before he continues past Adrien, slapping him on the shoulder as he passes.

“Ready to play?”

“Y-yeah.” When Adrien turns to walk up to the stage, he can’t help but look over to Marinette again. She has her face turned to the river, and she seems to have calmed down. But her light has been pulled entirely inward. She’s closed off to everyone, an island unto herself. Luka’s hoodie dwarfs her. His eyes slide over to Kagami and she meets his gaze evenly. She nods to him. It feels like a life raft when everyone else has set him adrift. He nods back.

He trips on the ledge of the stage. Luka throws out a hand to catch him, and Adrien just barely manages to grab it. Luka helps him steady himself. The storm behind Luka’s calm is back. He’s slipped on his stage mask already, and his hood is up, but Adrien almost feels like Luka’s glowering at him now that his eyes are hidden. Adrien takes his place at the keyboard behind Luka, and Luka twirls the guitar pick through his fingers with a flourish, waiting for Ivan to count them off.

When the music starts up, Adrien thanks any little bit of luck he has that he practiced enough that his muscle memory can carry him through. He hits several false notes to begin with, but he falls into the rhythm of Kitty Section’s music, the deafening noise around him drowning out his racing thoughts.

Luka’s chords have more raw energy behind them, like he’s pouring more emotion into the instrument than normal. He glances back a few times to catch Adrien’s beat, but every time he does, the light glints off the studs on Luka’s jacket and Adrien feels his jaw clench more and more. He dares to look over to the girls only once. Marinette and Kagami are somehow having a conversation through the music.

Adrien zones out for the rest of it, focusing on his fingers working on the keys. Luka hits the final chord, swinging his arm up into the air and holding it there until the note rings out. The girls are clapping and whooping, and Alya breaks away to stop the recording on her phone. Luka sweeps his hood off by the mask and shakes out his hair before he unslings the guitar strap from his shoulder. Adrien slips out from behind the keyboard.

He wants to talk with Marinette. But he checks his phone discreetly and he has some missed calls from Nathalie. There’s a few notifications from his social media he’ll check later. He has to leave. He catches Kagami’s eye and indicates the riverbank with his head. She nods and excuses herself from the group. Adrien waves to the group in general, and Kagami takes his other hand. Marinette smiles at them. Adrien looks away, swallowing his words, and helps Kagami down the stairs.

They walk along the riverbank in silence. He can’t tell if Kagami knows something is wrong but doesn’t know how to bring it up, or if she thinks they’re just sharing a comfortable silence. For Adrien, it’s anything but comfortable. His mind is still churning. He didn’t get a chance to ask anyone what happened with Marinette while he was gone. It all happened so fast.

When they reach the Pont des Arts, where he had met Kagami that afternoon, she takes his hands in hers.

“Thank you for inviting me tonight, Adrien.”

He nods. He is glad she was there tonight. He looks down and squeezes her hands as his answer.

“And I’m glad you talked with Marinette. That must’ve been hard for both of you.”

His head snaps up at this. “Why does everyone think I talked with Marinette tonight?”

Kagami’s brow furrows and she blinks back at him. “She told me you did.”

“What are you talking about?” His throat feels tight again. Why would Marinette say they had talked when they didn’t? Marinette hates liars. Why would she lie to Kagami like that? Kagami seems to have come to the same conclusion. There’s a beat of silence between them.

“Adrien, did you talk to Marinette tonight or didn’t you?”

“I didn’t!”

She looks down at their hands before she pulls away from him. When she looks back up at him, there’s an odd look in her eyes. Adrien would almost call it defeat. But that doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense.

“You should. Talk to her, I mean.” She takes a step backwards. “Goodbye, Adrien.”

The way she says it. It’s something final. A decision. She nods once, before she sets her jaw and turns to walk away from him.

The cool night air hits something wet on his cheeks.

Numbly, he takes out his phone to call Nathalie back. He has a notification that Marinette posted something tonight. He wipes his eyes hurriedly and clicks on it. It’s a selfie of her and Kagami, both of them smiling, Marinette’s arm around Kagami’s shoulders. He reads the caption:  Look who I got to see at the Kitty Section concert tonight! So glad we’re friends! His eyes travel back over Marinette’s face, and he touches his fingers to her bright smile on the screen.

His head turns to the direction of Marinette’s balcony. It’s a bad idea, a horrible idea, a terribly stupid idea.

But he has to know. He pushes his feet to move, and before he realizes it he’s running again.

***

@celestethegoddess

[swifty-fox]

dude! more history rants, that was great!! I honestly probably learned more in that than I ever have in a history class

dude! Learning about history is SO much better when the person you’re listening to has a genuine passion for it! My Russian prof used to take his shoes off and bang on the table to prove his point, he would imitate historical figures down to the Russian accent (with great skill he lived in the USSR through the entire nineties which if you know anything about nineties Russia that is a FEAT. His wife to be at the time ((now a german history prof at my college)) was offered a ride in a helicopter by the Russian mob. She declined) 

Russian history is also just such a rich and dramatic and WILD history. Theres so many things to focus on like an entire semester was spent JUST studying the revolution and that was only an introductory course

Anyways since I’m here and can rant lets talk about two fun things! Lenins  name and his family as well as Vasily Grossmans greatest and most controversial works!

So Vladimir Lenin is a pretty iconic name. A pretty cool name in fact! Really rolls off the tongue and strikes FEAR into enemies hearts.

Did ya know it’s not his fuckin name? Nope! the guy straight up chose a new last name for himself! This former law student (oh yeah he wasn't even a politician no wonder the fucko didn't know how to run a country) was actually born Vladimir Ulyanov! 

but why the name change? Ulyanov is still pretty easy to say, still pretty memorable. Rolls of the tongue so on and so forth.

this, ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between and beyond, is because of Lenins older brother Aleksandr Ulyanov! 

(this guy has better hair than i could ever hope to, thanks diluted slav genes) 

now sweet Aleks here was also four years Vladimirs Senior and was also a revolutionary! (seems like it ran in the family) 

Not only was he a revolutionary but he was a MASSIVELY FAMOUS ONE and kinda helped set the ENTIRE downfall of the soviet union in motion long before the revolution was even a whisper of a thought. 

How you ask? well uh.

he tried to kill Tsar Nikolas II’s dad. 

yes, that Tsar Nikolas who later was overthrown and was executed by firing squad. Sorry the Romanovs are all very very dead we found all their bodies the animated movie was very wrong. 

Anyways, sweet kolya’s father was Tsar Alexander III and he was known throughout the land as the Peacemaker! 

(also yes they're both called Aleksandr. Russians only have like. Ten names to choose from)

wow sounds like he must be a great guy with a nickname like that huh? Why would anyone wanna kill him! Sadly, the nickname is only because Russia entered no wars under his rule. He was in fact, a huge bastard. Outside of being physically and emotionally abusive to his family (he would often berate Nikolai for being weak which definitely led to some of his issues with his authority and pride being questioned later on...) he was incredibly reactionary and heavy handed when it came to ruling. he opposed ANY movement that might minimize his authority as emperor. He was famous for executing a LOT of anti-imperialist terrorists.

he also looked like this

not to insult bulldogs but this guy sure looks like one. 

Anyways, Aleksandr Ulyanov helps devise a plot wherein he and a bunch of other revolutionaries will ride by Tsar Alek’s carriage and chuck a bomb through his window and then boom no more emperor. basically, it was the 1887 version of a drive by shooting. 

Naturally, it failed, otherwise we wouldn’t be talking about this! Anyways, All the conspirators were captured and sentenced to death. (5 were later pardoned none of which were Lenins brother.) They were all hanged.

Although Lenin was involved in politics before this to some degree, this action really radicalized him and really got the ball rolling for the eventual Soviet Union. Talk about butterfly effect. 

Alright time for history lesson part TWO!! Lets talk about Vasily Grossman and his work In The Town of Berdichev! Though more technically I will be talking more about the film adaptation titled Commissar(1967). 

quick background time! Vasily Grossman was born to a Jewish family and due to prosecution (of both Jewish people and Ukrainians) at the time was forced to conceal his heritage. He actually studied to be a chemist at first and was quite successful until he transitioned later in life to being a writer and reporter! His accounts of the Ukrainian famine are the some of the most detailed accounts as well as the most controversial (to the Russian state) he also was a war reporter for WWII and intensively documented the ethnic cleansing going on. Understandably.

he was strongly supported by Maksim Gorky! (yes that Maksim Gorky, famous writer, and the man who helped develop the entire soviet education system that kinda was just brainwashing and propaganda. Reportedly later in life he considered that to be one of his greatest regrets((he was also a massive homophobe too because same sex relationships were actually legal for a while there in russia!))

Long story short, Vasya believed strongly in several things. he believed in the human spirit, he believed in supporting his Jewish brethren, he believed strongly in mother Russia and the communist party. But more than that he believed that those who do not learn from our mistakes are doomed to repeat them. 

Thus came about his work. I’ll post a quick plot summary here from Wikipedia of the movie. it’s a really good film honestly I highly recommend it. 

“During the Russian Civil War (1918–1922), a female commissar of the Red Army cavalry Klavdia Vavilova (Nonna Mordyukova) finds herself pregnant. Until her child is born, she is forced to stay with the family of a poor Jewish blacksmith Yefim Magazannik (Rolan Bykov), his wife, mother-in-law, and six children. At first, both the Magazannik family and "Madame Vavilova", as they call her, are not enthusiastic about living under one roof, but soon they share their rationed food, make her civilian clothes, and help her with the delivery of her newborn son. Vavilova seemingly embraces motherhood, civilian life, and new friends.Meanwhile, the frontline advances closer to the town and the Jews expect a pogrom by the White Army as the Red Army retreats. Vavilova attempts to console them with a Communist dream: "One day people will work in peace and harmony", but the dream is interrupted with a vision of the fate of the Jews in the coming world war. She rushes to the front to rejoin her army regiment, leaving her newborn behind.“

- White army was the anti-soviet army during the revolution. Red Army was the soviets. Pogroms were targeted areas of ethnic cleansing against Jewish peoples, namely they were villages or towns that were wiped out. 

this film was banned for something like forty years for anti-soviet sentiment. But why? it seems pretty damn pro-soviet doesn't it? 

Well firstly lets talk about how oppressive the soviet regime was by this point! In 1967 Russia was in the dying throes of Stalins regime. Yes he had died a little over a decade earlier but the government was still very much being run by his ideals. All independent newspapers were banned. EVERYTHING every single piece of art, literature, news, commercial, WHATEVER, had to be state approved. And by god was it hard to get things approved. Grossman routinely wrote of his frustrations and struggles of getting anything published because if a Russain character was portrayed as anything but a happy go lucky communist then it would be censored. Grossman first ran into this issue when he was reporting on the iron and coal mines in siberia. the conditions were terrible but Grossman had to lie and say everything was fine. It let to a real crisis of ideals for him.

The first red mark against this movie is that well, it focuses on a woman. It’s an incredibly feminist movie, with the idea of motherhood and duty and the strength of a woman being just as much if not more than a man. (for reference a Commissar is like an army Officer) 

Secondly, she abandons her post! to have a child! In communist Russia NOTHING comes before your duty to the motherland. But again she eventually realizes that the call of her country is stronger than the call of this simple maternal life and she does go on to fight so why is this a problem?

Well ultimately, it boils down to the final scene. 

"One day people will work in peace and harmony" she says. An entirely pro-soviet message. But then it is instantly contradicted by footage of the holocaust. This is a visual representation fo Grossman saying that although the communist ideal is strong in the soviet union that they are being blinded by false enemies, prejudices and will find themselves committing such atrocities (of course they already are but again he DID still support the Soviet State) Basically it was a warning to the Soviet Party! Learn from the mistakes that were made and gentle themselves!

And this, this was a criticism of the Soviet party! And thus, it was shelved for nearly twenty years.

It finally was shown again in the late 80′s  

Grossman, after attempting to publish his magnum opus, Life and Fate, had his flat raided by the KGB and all his notes, manuscripts, letters, books, publications, and pretty much his life's work were confiscated. Grossman died in the mid 1960′s of stomach cancer not knowing if any of his writings or best works would ever be seen or published again. 

Thankfully they were found and published and his massively important legacy lives on in the people who know about him. But his story is a very bittersweet one indeed. 

you can watch the full movie here with English captions! 

undefined

(tw: imagery of holocaust, some anti-semitism (if i recall) some children without any clothes bathing if i recall (its not weird but I know it was shocking for me to see at first))

(maybe I’ll talk about the TRUE story of Rasputin another time...)��

[choupichoups]

Press F (Instagram/College AU) 

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post. 

He smiles down at the screen, scrolling through the hilarious comments on the post. The exaggerated marriage proposals are probably his favourite because, honestly, same but he’d never be caught dead saying shit like that. Even as a joke.

Maybe.

Lucas sinks deeper into the couch, dimming the brightness on his phone screen just in case Yann happens to look over at some point. It’s not like Yann doesn’t know what he’s up to most of the time, but he’d still like to save himself from some of the teasing, thank you very much.

“Did you see that?” Yann yells at no one in particular, fully engrossed in the game they’re playing. Or they had been playing, since Lucas died in the game a good few minutes ago. He’s got better things to do anyway— like check the guy’s profile for any new updates he might have missed. Lucas isn’t exactly on top of his game when it comes to keeping up with Instagram but ever since his great discovery, he’s spent more time scrolling through the app in more recent times that his entire high school years combined.

“I’m doing another round of this before we switch up the game, okay?” Yann murmurs, already pressing the buttons before Lucas even replies. The latter shrugs, doesn’t care whether he gets to play for the next while. He’s much too preoccupied staring at the new photo he’s been graced with.

The dude, the myth, the legend. Eliott Demaury.

Lucas found out about him nearly two months ago— or more accurately, he found Eliott’s short film, Polaris, while scrolling through Youtube one dull Friday night. He’d watched the entire thing at three o’clock in the morning and promptly obsessed over it for the next couple of hours. Finding the director’s Instagram and seeing a puzzle posted on it hadn’t doused his interest either. If anything, that just made it worse. His last two braincells had worked in overdrive trying to rewatch the film and solve the puzzle at the same time.

Needless to say, he’d managed to find Eliott’s personal account in the end but the feeling of accomplishment only lasted until he saw that quite a lot of people had also found it. Mr. Demaury, has, in fact, half a million followers on his Instagram and Lucas could have probably found it easily if he’d just googled it instead of driving himself nuts figuring out what the riddle meant.

“Man, this is too hard.” Yann groans from beside him and Lucas can only assume he’s lost another round. He offers a vague noise of sympathy for his friend. “Are you really doing this right now?”

“Hm?”

“You’re really out here stalking your man during our we time?”

Lucas drags his gaze off of Eliott’s majestic photo so Yann can get a full view of his frown. “Our what now?”

“This is our time, Lucas. Best friend bonding time. 22h to 24h, it’s on the contract.”

He starts laughing, can’t help it when faced with the truly affronted expression all over Yann’s face. “What contract?”

“You signed it when you were like two years old.”

“Uh huh.” Now certain that Yann’s just talking nonsense, Lucas returns his attention back on his phone. “Legit age to be signing contracts.”

Yann doesn’t say anything but he steals Lucas’ phone from his grip and holds it out of reach when Lucas scrambles to get it back. “You don’t even follow him, what the hell?”

“That doesn’t matter, give it back!”

“So what, you just search up his profile all the time?”

“What about it?”

“That’s so sad, Lucas.”

“Shut up,” he says, snatching his phone back once it’s finally in his reach. “Imane knows this guy, I won’t hear the end of it if they get even a little hint that I’m looking at— Yann!” he screeches, shaking Yann’s shoulder with one hand while his other holds the phone up to his face.

The horror in his voice must be evident because Yann immediately straightens up, dragging Lucas close so he can take a look at the screen as well. “What?”

“Oh no… oh no no no.”

“Oh shit.”

“What do I do?!” Lucas waves his phone at Yann, almost decking him on the nose in the process. Yann stills him, shaking his head at the bright red heart below Eliott’s post. “Do you think I should unlike it? I can still do that right? He won’t see the notification, he gets a lot anyway.”

“No, man, that just makes it weird.”

“But…”

“You have to follow him.”

Lucas gives him a withering look. “Are you serious right now?”

“It’s natural! You like the post, okay, chill, next you follow. He gets lots of notifications, as you said. By the time he checks back, 200 other people would have followed him too. Wait a couple more days then unfollow and unlike.” Yann rubs at his back, sounding so sure of himself. “Then you can go back to your sad stalking ways after that.”

He shoves at Yann with a scowl, making sure to kick at his friend’s limbs as he slides off from where he’d basically crawled into the other’s lap in a desperate bid to retrieve his phone. And look where all that effort has gotten him.

“You sure that’s not weird?”

Yann throws a pillow at his face. “I already said it’s natural. Honestly if somebody did that to me I wouldn’t think anything weird of it.”

“Okay.”

Lucas hits the follow button, closes out of the app, and shoves his phone under the cushions. Whatever happens next is a problem for tomorrow.

He doesn’t go back on Instagram until well into Tuesday evening, choosing instead to finish all of his homework and maybe do a little bit of reading ahead of time for his biology class. It’s a wonder how much one is capable of getting done while avoiding the thing they usually obsess over.

But he’s only human. So letting go of all the self control he’s managed to conjure up the entire morning, he pulls up the app and slowly scrolls through the new content. He doesn’t know why he’s dreading this so much anyway— literally nothing is probably going to happen. Eliott won’t even notice the new addition to his massive following and Lucas would be able to see his posts without having to search up his username all the goddamn time. It’s a win-win.

Lucas doesn’t curb the smile pulling at the corners of his lips, even though a small part of him is a little disappointed. Not that he’s expecting anything to come out of this ridiculous infatuation anyway but knowing what Polaris is paired with that caption, the post sounds increasingly more romantic the longer he thinks about it.

So Eliott’s taken already. That’s cool. Great. But this is nice, at least, Eliott’s posts being readily accessible for him like this. Maybe he shouldn’t have made a big deal about following the guy in the first place. Only Imane seems to know both Eliott and Lucas anyway and she’s not the type to unnecessarily pry into other people’s business. 

He still doesn’t hit like on the post though. He has to be subtle about this, he’ll wait a couple more posts to go before liking another one. Lucas is extra careful to avoid double tapping the screen when he goes back to his feed, no longer holding his breath for a catastrophe as he mindlessly goes through other new posts and notifications. 

Which explains why he’s entirely too unprepared for what happens next.

srodulv started following you.

He clutches at his phone with both hands, forcibly shoving down the urge to scream and throw his phone out the window. He’s ill-equipped to deal with this. It’s not supposed to happen; Eliott shouldn’t have noticed him and Lucas should be free to get on with his life without knowing that some god in human form has probably seen the dumb photos he posts with him and the gang and— oh god, what did he post during that party last week again? It doesn’t look too stupid does it?

Lucas frantically skims through his own profile, wanting to shrivel up and die for every post he finds way too embarrassing to be seen by the guy. 

The apartment door creaks open and Lucas throws himself off his bed, running out to the living room and most likely startling Yann out of his mind but that doesn’t matter right now.

“Yann!” he yells out, reminiscent of the panicked tone he’d used the night before.

“Huh?” Yann turns around, dropping his bag on the floor as he slips out of his shoes.

Lucas stands in front of him, holding out the phone over his head like it’s Simba. “He noticed me,” he whispers as if there’s a chance that anyone else would hear them.

“Who?” Yann looks from Lucas’ wide eyes to the phone in his hand. The screen is eye level for Yann so he merely peeks up to see what all the fuss is about. “Oh.”

And then Yann starts laughing. Lucas, personally, doesn’t find anything amusing in this situation.

“Can you stop that? I’m so stressed out right now,” he huffs, bringing the phone back down to his chest so he can stare some more at the notification that changed his life.

“Sorry, you gotta admit it’s a little funny.”

It’s not, but okay. Lucas continues frowning down at the screen, wondering if it would be too weird to mass delete half of his old posts.

Yann takes his phone away before he does anything stupid.

“You said he won’t even realize,” Lucas mumbles miserably, mind flashing back to that one stupid meme he’d posted about three weeks ago. God, Eliott’s going to unfollow in the next ten minutes.

“I’m not right about everything. Anyway, isn’t this a good thing? The guy only follows like 20 people and you’re one of them.”

Wait, what?

He reaches up, tilts his own phone in Yann’s hand so he can confirm that with his own eyes.

And okay, maybe that makes him feel a little giddy inside. Deep down. Just a little.

“Congrats, man. Not everyone gets noticed by their crush.” 

“I don’t have a crush.”

“Sure.”

“Shut up.” 

His phone beeps with another notification and they both look down at it simultaneously, like birds honing in on loose bread. It’s almost comical the way they gasp in unison when the notifications start popping up. From instagram user srodulv. Eliott. Eliott’s straight up just… liking a lot of his posts. Embarrassing memes included. 

Yann opens his mouth to say something but Lucas grabs the phone out of his grip and runs back into his room, shutting the door so he can freak out in peace. 

[wondertainmenttoys]

A Gamer and a Wondertainment intern talk over video chat

Document POI-9874-12

Date: 10/12/2019 - 10/19/2019

Background: POI-9874 (Arthur Mullin) is a suspected member of the group of interest “Gamers Against Weed” and has been under Foundation surveillance since 07/16/2018.

Document Summary:  Document POI-9874-12 are transcripts of online interactions between POI-9874 and Thomas Randall, who is believed to be a friend of POI-98745 and possibly associated with the group of interest “Dr. Wondertainment”. Reclassification of Randall to the status of POI is pending.

For the sake of brevity, POI-9874 will be designated as “Gamer” and Randall will be designated as “Vendor”.

—

Vendor: DUDE

Gamer: Wat???

Vendor: I GOT A JOB

Gamer: DUDE

Vendor: DUDE

Gamer: [IMG]

Note: Image was an animated gif of a video game character dancing

Gamer: what is it

Vendor: Some vendor job. The interview was kind of weird but I’m just happy to finally get a paycheck.

Gamer: weird? You got nervous or something?

Vendor: Nah. The interviewer just seemed way too happy to talk to me. like come on it’s just a vendor job what are you excited about.

Gamer: lmao probably desperate to get someone to fill the spot. hope that doesn’t mean that they’re about to go under or something.

Vendor: God please no

Gamer: I’m sure its fine

Vendor: hope so

Gamer: when do you start

Vendor: tomorrow

Gamer: dude you have to tell me how it goes

Vendor: lol it’s a vendor job so I’m not expecting much, but I’ll let you know

Gamer: whats the place called

Vendor: it’s dumb. Wild Oddities, Neat Doodads, Rare Terrific New Magic Toys

Gamer: [IMG]

Note: Image was a jpeg of a zoomed in picture of Shrek. The character has a neutral expression.

Vendor: I know. But whatever I’m getting paid for it

Gamer: True true. Good luck tomorrow!

Vendor: thanks!

—

Gamer: yo

Vendor: yooooo

Gamer: dude how’d that new job go? Did you vend hard. Sell some of those terrific rare toys?

Vendor: it was pretty boring. I sold some things. they’re stupidly cheap.

Gamer: cheap?

Vendor: yeah. Like some of the pricier stuff only costs like $5 max. it’s wild.

Vendor: especially with how much they said they’re gonna pay me

Gamer: how much are they paying you???

Vendor: $30/hr

Gamer: holy shit

Vendor: YEAH

Gamer: Dude not to alarm you but that’s kind of shady. might not be something that stays in business for long

Vendor: I know. Maybe they’re the type of company that sells a ton of cheap stuff en masse.

Gamer: maybe

Gamer: what are you coworkers like

Vendor: uh there aren’t any. it’s just me at this small store I think

Gamer: wait so they’re making you clean up and restock without help

Gamer: that’s some bs

Vendor: I don’t think so? It wasn’t in my job description, so I’m guessing someone comes in at night or something after I close.

Gamer: bro

Gamer: bruh

Gamer: brokowski

Gamer: ngl that’s shady as shit

Vendor: yeeeeeeah now that you mention it

Gamer: you’re like in a front for the mafia or something

Vendor: I’ll see how it goes for the next few days. if it gets way too shady I’m out.

Gamer: bro I’d just get out now

Vendor: but the pay

Gamer: bruh

—

Vendor: hey so you know how we talked about shady shit

Gamer: uh yeah?

Gamer: please don’t tell me that you had to bury a body or something

Vendor: someone broke in last night and stole a ton of the merchandise and the cash in the cash register

Gamer: oh shit

Vendor: smashed the window in too

Gamer: you ok?

Vendor: I thought i was going to get fired

Vendor: but I got a call from the manager and told them about it

Gamer: yeah?

Vendor: and they thanked me??? like they said that was the biggest sale I’ve done for them and that I’m doing a great job?

Vendor: dude you got your shit stolen why aren’t you mad

Gamer: calling it now that stuff had drugs stuffed in them. it’s too shady

Vendor: yeah it’s freaked me out a little

Gamer: way too shady

Vendor: but that’s not it

Vendor: After my lunch break I went back to the register

Vendor: and all the stolen stuff had been restocked

Gamer: what

Vendor: like when I wasn’t looking someone just restocked the shelves or something

Vendor: and the window as fixed too

Vendor: I didn’t hear the door open or anyone walk in or anything

Vendor: not even a customer

Vendor: It’s a really small shop so I would’ve noticed

Gamer: okay that went from shady to scary way too fast

Gamer: get the fuck out of there

Vendor: I know I’m already looking for a new job

Vendor: this is some paranormal shit

—

Gamer: you doing ok

Vendor: yeah.

Gamer: your still at that Wild Terrific Toys place right

Vendor: Wild Oddities, Neat Doodads, Rare Terrific New Magic Toys?

Vendor: yeah

Gamer: anymore spooky shit go down

Vendor: no. the shelves are still doing that restocking thing when I don’t look but other than that it’s been quiet.

Gamer: I was thinking

Vendor: what

Gamer: what do they sell again

Vendor: toys and games.

Vendor: board games

Gamer: and this is in Portland right

Vendor: yeah?

Gamer: Just throwing this out there but have you heard of Portland with a 3?

Vendor: ???

Gamer: Like a 3 of Portlands or a 3rd Portland at your job

Gamer: 3 Portlands

Vendor: what no

Gamer: ok just had an idea but I was wrong

Vendor: what was your idea

Gamer: it was about that weird place you’re working at

Gamer: i thought it might have to do with something

Gamer: hey can you send me a pic of the store logo?

Vendor: sure. why though

Gamer: i’m going to see if any of my friends know about it. I know one who is super into bizarre stuff like this

Vendor: yea tomorrow I’ll get you a pic

—

Gamer: hey you got the pic

Vendor: no. for some reason everytime I try to take a picture it comes out blurry or unfocused

Gamer: weird

Vendor: the store’s haunted or something

Vendor: I drew a sketch of it though

Intern: [IMG]

Note: Image is a sketch of the Wild Oddities, Neat Doodads, Rare Terrific New Magic Toys logo on a yellow sticky note. The font style loosely resembles that of previous logos used by Dr. Wondertainment.

Gamer: thanks

Note: Shortly after this interaction POI-9874 discussed the topic in an online chatroom with other members of Gamers Against Weed. See Document POI-9874-14 for a full transcript.

—

Vendor: hey so I know it’s 3 AM and you’re probably asleep

Vendor: but i decided to stay late at the shop just to see if any other employee would come in

Gamer: oh fuc

Gamer: k

Vendor: and someone did at like midnight

Vendor: OH YOU’RE AWAKE

Gamer: ye

Gamer: dude was it a ghost?

Vendor: no

Vendor: some old lady

Vendor: I think it was the janitor

Vendor: but like everything else there she was weird

Gamer: a ghost

Gamer: calling it

Vendor: she was surprised to see me but didn’t seem too bothered by it

Vendor: like complimented me for working late or whatever

Gamer: ok

Vendor: but I swear dude

Vendor: her eyes

Gamer: DEAD GHOST CALLING IT

Vendor: I DON”T KNOW DUDE

Vendor: but I SWEAR I saw them glowing in the dark

Vendor: like glowing green

Vendor: like a Christmas light

Gamer: ghost

Vendor: She was super nice and cheerful but it was unnerving

Gamer: dude you saw a ghost at your haunted toy store

Vendor: i dont know it was weird like everything else

—

Gamer: so I spoke to my friend

Vendor: yeah?

Gamer: Does Wondertainment ring a bell to you?

Vendor: yeah I think most of the toys there are from them. why.

Vendor: are their toys supposed to be haunted or something

Gamer: something like that yeah.

Vendor: are you kidding me

Gamer: I mean they said it’s harmless

Gamer: like some sort of urban legend that’s weird but doesn’t hurt you

Gamer: you just do your thing and they’ll pay you

Gamer: I’ll have to introduce you to them later

Gamer: they can explain it better

Intern: ok

Gamer: they also said that Men in Black type stuff can happen if you stay there too long

Vendor: uh men in black? like the movies

Gamer: no like the creepy UFO stories

Gamer: where they show up at your house and try to shut you up or mess with your memories

Vendor: what even is my life right now

Gamer: Like I said, it might be better to get a new job

Vendor: I think I’ll weather things out for now

Vendor: at least until I get my first paycheck

Gamer: I guess. just let me know if more weird stuff happens dude

Vendor: will do

—

Vendor: ok so weird stuff happened again

Gamer: oh boy

Gamer: you ok?

Vendor: yeah I’m fine. I’m honestly starting to get used to it

Vendor: so the less weird thing was that this morning I found a basket of baked cookies

Vendor: with a note thanking me for being a hard worker

Vendor: they were still warm too

Vendor: so I guess the janitor or someone else just dropped them off right before I arrived Intern: look if it’s just weird stuff happening, then I guess I can live through it

Gamer: ok

Vendor: but then I got a weird customer

Vendor: like some random guy

Vendor: just walked in saying he’s here to inspect the store

Vendor: it’s a small toy store what is there to inspect

Vendor: i mean it’s haunted but that only happens when I’m not looking

Vendor: anyways he said he’s part of some Social something Policy

Vendor: Social Coordination Policy

Vendor: Social Corporate Policy

Gamer: uh

Vendor: something like that

Vendor: Social Corporate Policy. Yeah that’s what it was

Gamer: uh

Vendor: The guy kept wanting to get into the back but I told him I’d need to call the manager

Vendor: really pissed him off

Note: This seems to be describing Field Agent ████████’s investigation into the venue, which was conducted on 10/18/2019.

Gamer: uh

Vendor: uh?

Gamer: I think that’s the men in black stuff my friend warned you about

Vendor: OH

Gamer: what did your manager say?

Vendor: They didn’t seemed really bothered by it. Said it happens and that they’d take care of it, whatever that means.

Gamer: ok

Gamer: so he was basically like

Gamer: [IMG]

Note: image is a jpeg that depicts a cartoon character leaning back with the caption “Not My Problem”. Testing revealed that the image is anomalous in nature and temporarily makes any individual who sees it resistant to amnestics.

Vendor: lmao yeah

Vendor: if this is the Man in Black stuff then the moment I see that dude again I’m running for it

Gamer: not sure if that’s a bad or good idea dude

Vendor: maybe my ghost manager will protect me

Vendor: or maybe I’ll find another job before anything else happens

Gamer: I can help you look for something if you need

Vendor: thanks. I think I got it though

—

Vendor: uh

Vendor: remember how you offered to help me find a new job

Gamer: yeah??

Gamer: what happened

Vendor: the store is gone

Gamer: waht

Vendor: it’s gone

Vendor: poof

Gamer: like gone gone?

Vendor: the place is empty

Vendor: [IMG]

Note: Image displays a photo of an empty storefront. The inside of the store looks abandoned and shows signs of structural decay. A Foundation agent monitoring the location that morning confirmed that Thomas Randall was the one to take the photo.

Vendor: It’s like it’s been abandoned for years

Gamer: ghost toy company

Vendor: YEAH

Vendor: and this morning I got an email from them

Vendor: thanking me for my work and saying I’m pretty much fired

Gamer: wow what dicks

Vendor: NO BUT THEY’RE LIKE PAYING ME A YEAR’S WAGE

Vendor: a year’s worth of $30/hr

Gamer: wow what not dicks

Vendor: yeah

Vendor: I got spooked a lot but I kind of don’t regret it?

Vendor: I won’t lie I’d work for a haunted toy company again just for that kind of pay lmao

Gamer: honestly I don’t blame you

Gamer: glad you didn’t get kidnapped or killed

Gamer: especially with the Men in Black

Vendor: lol yea

Gamer: Fucking Tommy’s Bizarre Adventure with Wondertainment

Vendor: [IMG]

Note: Image depicts a heavily edited image of an cartoon character with the caption “IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE”

Gamer: HA

Gamer: Speaking of that I still need to introduce you to my friends

Gamer: they know a lot about this stuff

Vendor: dude please do

Gamer: also might help with anymore weird stuff that happens

Gamer: because after this I think you might be running into more weird shit

Vendor: My Bizarre Adventure begins

Vendor: as long as it’s not shady anymore

Gamer: [IMG]

Note: Image is similar to the last, but with poorer spelling

Gamer: yeah here you go.

Gamer: [LINK]

Note: link leads to a chatroom that POI-9874-12 frequents, which is believed to be associated with Gamer’s Against Weed

[roonil-wazlib-at-221b]

Don’t You Believe Me?

Request: Could you write a klaus imagine where it’s a couple years post-canon. the reader has been pining for him for ages but swallows it cus they don’t believe he returns their feelings. when he tells them that he loves them they’re just like “lmao sure” cus all of their friends and partners have left them and no one has ever loved them enough to stay so they don’t believe him. They aren’t like sad about it either, just resigned and making light of it to deal with how much it hurts to not be wanted.

Pairing: Klaus x Reader (Oneshot)

“He’s probably lying, though,” you mutter to yourself, chewing on your thumbnail as you pace around your small room, bare feet sinking into Emily’s plush carpet with every step. Your phone is in your hand, screen glowing as it displays the nine-word text that’s causing you so much anxiety. When the screen dims, you tap it again. You just need to look at the text in order to get a feel for it.

“What does he have to gain from lying to you?” your roommate, Emily, asks from where she’s laying on her stomach on her bed. Her hair is curled perfectly and her clothes are fashionable and look cute. You don’t know how she does it. You always look terrible no matter how hard you try and your hair can’t hold a curl to save your life. It’s especially impressive considering how just yesterday she’d been bawling her eyes out.

“He could humiliate me!” you exclaim, your voice loud. Someone in the hall down yells to shut up, which in turn makes other people yell at them, until everyone’s yelling and then it lapses into stony, brooding silence. You hiss, “He could be saying it to stand me up or something!”

“Y/N, we’re not in middle school anymore,” Emily responds. “Trust me, no one’s going to be putting in this much effort in order to stand you up.”

“I don’t know,” you say, your phone screen dimming once more. You tap the screen and accidentally on the new message, which means now Charles will be able to see that you’ve opened up the text. “Shit!” You drop your phone like a hot potato. The offending text glares up at you: You know, you’re actually rly cute. Wanna meet up?

“Haven’t you guys been talking for, like, weeks?” Emily asks, blowing a large bubble and sending her friend a SnapChat. “Yeah, trust me, guys like that lose interest after three days on average.” She should know; she did an actual study on the habits of boys and girls when talking to people on instant messaging, and if the male isn’t interested he apparently gives up after three days. You guess she hadn’t studied how many guys cheat on their girlfriends or she wouldn’t have started dating her boyfriend, but she hardly looks worse for the wear.

“What about the outliers?” you ask miserably. Charles is active on Instagram right now, which means he’s probably waiting for your response. He’s seen that you’ve seen it. He might be getting annoyed that you’re taking too long. He might be laughing with his friends about how they’re guessing you’re freaking out.

“The most extreme outlier was a week, Y/N,” Emily says not-so-patiently. She’s normally pretty good at handling you when you’re like this, but recently she found out her boyfriend’s been cheating on her, and she had to pull an allnighter last night to study for her Calculus quiz. Now she’s plotting her revenge on the cheating Michael. “Trust me. Nobody even finds that all that entertaining, anyway. You’re not going to get stood up.”

Your phone screen hasn’t even turned off before you decide, “No, I’m canceling it. Nope. Nope. I’m blocking him.”

“Y/N!” Emily jerks her head up to look at you, brown eyes widening with horror, but you’ve already done it. Her voice is surprisingly shrill when she exclaims againn, “Y/N!”

“Shut up!” somebody yells again, followed by multiple people shushing them.

“Oh, jeez,” you say, your hands shaking as you shove your phone in your pocket. “Nope, nope, nope. Did not like that.”

“You’re pathetic,” Emily sighs, shaking her head. “He was cute. He seemed sweet. You’re just being crazy.”

“I’m sorry, are you standing up for boys in general now?” you ask, putting your hands on your hips. “Last time I checked, your boyfriend’s a douche.”

“First of all, no, I wasn’t talking about all boys, just Charles. He seemed nice. Second of all,” Emily glares at you, “low blow, dude.”

“Sorry,” you groan, dragging a hand down your face. “I’m just… not good at this.”

“You just need to get over him,” Emily says, standing up. She puts a perfectly manicured hand on your arm and crinkles her brow at you. “Trust me. Pining over Klaus for eternity isn’t going to make you feel any better. Rebound dudes are the absolute best to date, because everything they do feels so crazy amazing!” She’s already got her rebound dude from Michael picked out.

“I know,” you insist, folding your arms. “I’m getting over him. It’s just… I had a bad feeling about Charles,” you invent wildly.

Emily crosses her arms and raises one skeptical eyebrow. “Mmm-hmm, sure.”

“What about you?” you ask, sitting down heavily on your bed and wiping your phone screen on your jean pants. “What are you thinking for Michael?”

“Honestly, I was thinking about cutting three inches off my hair and posting a selfie with the caption ‘Not gonna miss those three inches, Mike’.” Emily flips her hair over her shoulder and sends another photo to a friend. “What do you think?”

You laugh. “That sounds really funny. I’ll be the first to like it.”

“Honestly, now I think about it, why’d I stay with a guy that barely hits four inches?” she muses, tapping her chin with her pointer finger.

“I believe I asked you that when you started dating him,” you mutter. “And you responded that he was sweet.”

“Character is out,” Emily decides. “The length of the dick is all that matters now, as long as he’s not a total asshole and, like, a wifebeater.”

“As you do,” you nod.

It was the whole ‘your boyfriend’s a douche’ comment, you’re sure of it.

Emily has moved out of the room you shared together.

It’s not like you weren’t expecting it, either; since when has anyone ever wanted anything to do with you? Your own parents abandoned you and when you tried to track them down, they had another little girl and were not interested in talking to you. The rare times you’ve gotten a boyfriend he’d dumped you quickly, unable to handle your fears of abandonment.

Even the goddamn cat you adopted from the shelter ran away.

So no. You’re the opposite of a magnet. Nobody ever wants to be with you. They don’t even want to be in the same room as you.

Your phone buzzes. It’s Klaus Hargreeves, your oldest friend, and you’re trying to calculate how long it’ll be until he leaves you too. Everyone else has. It’s only a matter of time.

Klaus: Hey, Y/N, wanna come over? I’ve got a surprise for you!

Honestly, you’re surprised he’s texted you. He hasn’t in the last three days, which frankly isn’t very unusual for him, but your anxieties are in overdrive and have been since coming home and seeing the ‘Goodbye’ note on the door.

‘Y/N, I’m going to be living with some other friends for the rest of the semester.’

Translation: I’m finally ditching you for my better friends.

‘No hard feelings, right?’

Translation: I’m trying to be as polite as possible, don’t get mad at me for ditching you, you loser.

‘I’ll still see you around!’

Translation: But only in passing; don’t try to talk to me in public.

‘—Emily’

Translation: You were super fucking annoying. Thank God I’m out.

Within seconds, you text Klaus back, saying, What time? And what sort of surprise?

You good to come over like rn?

You don’t have any other classes for the rest of the day, and though you have an essay to write, you can do it when you come home later or tomorrow.

Yeah, sure, I’m on my way, you text back and slip on a pair of shoes before hurrying out the door. On the bright side, you won’t be able to get into any loud conversations and get yelled at anymore. You’re pretty sure the rest of the hall hates you and Emily for occasionally shrieking the most.

Come to my bedroom when you get here ;), Klaus sends you, and you have to stifle a grin. Maybe his teasing is what made you fall for him initially, and the way he’s so carefree. It hurts a little bit, though, whenever he makes a joke about being with you. You know you’re not even an option, but still.

Like Emily had said. You need to get over Klaus. Maybe you should have told him you had to write the essay, but…

It’s too late now for that. Plus, Klaus may get annoyed if you cancel plans with him and not want to hang out with you later on.

The Umbrella Academy mansion is quiet when you push open the doors. Grace must be cleaning elsewhere, and Pogo must be doing… whatever Pogo does when he’s not taking care of the kids. You barely even notice your extravagant surroundings anymore; far too used to them after visiting Klaus whenever you’re worried he’s OD’d on drugs or whenever he’s a little less high and wants to hang out.

Nothing’s changed when you see Klaus’s room. Well, things have definitely changed; there are balloons around the doorway like he’s celebrating something, but that’s just Klaus fashion. For all you know, he could be celebrating something—maybe this is his anniversary of getting addicted to drugs or something like that. Something like that would kill you a little bit to see happen, as it would kill all his siblings, but Klaus is just like that.

And you really do love him.

You push open the door cautiously, half-expecting him to throw something at you as a prank, but all that greets you is Klaus standing in the middle of his room, exclaiming happily upon seeing you.

“Hey, Y/N!”

You can’t respond. You have to take it all in for a second.

For one thing, his curtains aren’t drawn for once to keep the sun from hurting his hangover headache. For another thing, he’s shaved and cut his hair a little bit. The last thing that really stands out to you is that he’s wearing color. In all your life, you’ve never seen Klaus wear any color apart from that pink feather boa, but he’s wearing a tie-dye tank top and loose green cargo pants.

You laugh a little hesitantly, stepping into the room and looking around. He’s certainly seemed to embrace the color; confetti’s everywhere. “What’s going on, Klaus?”

“I’m sober,” he beams, holding up his arms. “Ta-da!”

You’re speechless.

“I know it’s taken me a long time,” he continues, “and I’m really glad you’ve helped me through all the years. But I’m sober and I’m planning on staying sober for the rest of my life. Ben’s helping me realize that I can’t just drink away my problems, you know?”

“Are you serious?” you manage to squeak out.

Klaus nods.

You squeal and launch yourself across the room, latching onto Klaus like a koala. “Klaus, I cannot believe it! Why didn’t you tell me you were getting sober?”

“I didn’t wanna let you down if I couldn’t,” he mutters, squeezing you so tightly you can’t breathe for a second. “And I was planning something.”

“What?” You pull away from him, already regretting the hug because it just made you love being in his arms more. Spending time with somebody probably isn’t the best way to get over them.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, but I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to until I was sober.” Klaus sits down on his bed, pulling you down with him, and looks in your eyes seriously. It’s unnerving. You’ve never really seen Klaus serious. “Y/N…” He swallows. “Please don’t say anything until I’m done, okay? I just need to get something off my chest.”

You nod. Oh God, is he going to tell me he’s murdered someone? Can you honestly keep a secret like that for him? You nod, squeezing his hands tightly.

“Y/N, I’ve loved you for a long time,” he says, blushing a bit but refusing to look away from you. “I wanted to get sober for you. I want to have a future with you. You’re my best friend and you make me laugh. You’re supportive and kind. I know that people have left you before, but I promise I won’t. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but if you do…” He squeezes your hands for a second. “I’d love to spend the rest of my life with you.”

You want to vomit.

He’s really making fun of you in this way? When he knows how sensitive you are about being abandoned? When he’s probably the only person who knows about your parents and relationship struggles throughout your life?

You swallow around a lump in your throat and croak out a laugh. “Ha, good one, Klaus.” You stand up, avoiding his eyes. “I’m happy you’re sober, though.” You start to turn away, saying, “I have an essay to—”

Klaus grabs your hand gently and spins you around. “Y/N, I’m not making fun of you. I really do love you.”

“Yep, mmhmm, sure,” you say, nodding too quickly, clenching your jaw too tightly. “I know. I’m sorry; I’m not really in the mood for jokes right now; I’m stressed out about this essay that’s due—”

“Y/N, don’t you believe me?” Klaus asks, staring at you. He’d honestly not expected it to go like this—he’s sober; isn’t life supposed to start going right?

You wrench your arm out of his grip. “Sorry, Klaus, I really have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“No, you won’t,” Klaus mutters as you escape the room. He’d imagined that going in a million different ways except that one. “Shit!”

“Go chase after her,” Ben instructs. “We both knew she wouldn’t believe you. At first.”

Umbrella Academy Taglist:

@fentanvl @deathswretch @lightningidiot @five-hg @iamsnek666@ameliatrh @ihatecheesyusernames @dora-the-grownup @emilyt0314 @idklol707

Forever Taglist:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes

Guys, take a look at the prompt list on my page—I’d love to take requests for them; it’ll be fun writing practice!

[fugandhi]

My Favorite Drum Corps Show

If you have not heard of what Drum & Bugle Corps is - Do yourself a favor and start looking it up now.

It’s NOT the same as the live experience (WAY too much POWER in a drum corps for any device to capture - Take my word for it).

So, I marched drum corps years ago (due to my love for music, then band, then marching band, and then the rest is history) and it was one of the most difficult and yet most gratifying experiences of my life (aside from adulthood LOL!!!) and I encourage anyone who is reading this and is thinking of either becoming a musician or having their child or a friend or anyone they know who is really into music - Tell them about Drum Corps (pronounced “Core” not “Corpse”).

Drum & Bugle Corps basically took what my high school marching band program had already established and it took it a LEAP forward. I mean, we toured the U.S., PAID a ton of money to do it (Thank you, Mom & Dad), and we had to work ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE TIME!

Weird tan-lines galore, there’s a WHOLE subculture out there - almost a friggin’ CULT (I swear man) of really, really AWESOME and CRAZY kids out there (and even more insane instructors and tech’s who are all trying to get their careers as Educators or what-have-you all started up to share the gift of music & the marching arts - YES it’s an art-form, ABSOLUTELY - 100%).

If I were to belong to any cult - It would be Drum Corps (LMFAO!).

Origins of a ton of these corps dates back decades, and I’m talking some of them started from the Military Bugle Corps from wars - and others starts from Churches, Scout Troops (Boys Troops and Girls Troops to maintain the Scout Standard), Police Departments, etc.

I first came across drum corps because I happened to be flippin’ through channels, and I was like a freshman and I had JUST finished my first year in marching band (proudly/we did a rendition of Crossmen’s 1992 show, “Songs For Planet Earth” - AMAZING show and I had the honor to be in that show - still makes me cry every time I hear the closer because that show required SO MUCH HEART) - and there it was - Santa Clara Vanguard’s 1999 show.

I ran to grab a video tape, and I came back just in time to record Blue Devils’ show “Rhythms... At The Edge of Time” which I watched over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again - I’m talkin’ like I could not believe there were people who were literally doing what I thought was IMPOSSIBLE.

With the most insane irony (or maybe it was fate) - I ended up being taught by Gino Cipriani, Wayne Downey, and like Jeff Sacktig, and like it was a variety staff like a real motley crew ya know? It was a DREAM TEAM staff - and my dreams came true - and I will never forget how much it meant to me to be able to march with friends from my high school (some who had already graduated before I could march with them at high school) and have my band director there the whole time and like - it was just such a dream come true. We ended up breaking the mold of the class divisions (Magic of Orlando Drum and Bugle Corps - Division II World Champions with record breaking score of 99.05 - which the Cavies happened to break 99 AFTER us LOL like we had A DAY where we made history and had the highest score in Drum Corps International HISTORY!) and the funny thing is - I remember at the beginning of the season we literally were trying to get everybody and their brother (and sister lol) to JOIN because we had like NOBODY lol!

Well, we had a good size corps, but there were patches missing in some sections ya know? I mean, there was literally a camp when we had 9 Trumpets and Gino was like “Yeah... We’re gonna have to do something about this” because this guy came from like The Cadets who had been DCI Div 1 champs like a ton, and prior to that he friggin’ was the brass caption for BD - I’m like - Dude, yeah, the staff and Kim & Rod were the necessary Leadership required to make Magic happen in 2002 (after not being on-field for like 2 whole consecutive years).

Either way, when I marched, I was not able to afford any more seasons, so Magic 2002 was and still is one of the biggest blessings in my life (aside from my family of course) and like if it was not for my really crazy summer that year - I wouldn’t have the mindset that the impossible CAN be Possible. Good things can happen to people if they put their hearts and minds to it...

...So...We were truly the “Cinderella Corps” of that year, and yeah I know we dropped from 10th to 11th for Finals but honestly - that accident with the Tenor Drummer who had his drums fall on his face when he fell on his back during finals - that literally NEVER happened all year. We were undefeated all season, no one expected us to make finals - even on our brass bus like we were talking about how some of the staff was even makin’ a pool of whether or not we made finals - whether that was true or not, it was a necessary motivator to push us and you know what? We did it. And the rest, as they say, is history. I left drum corps and the marching activity years ago - I tried a DCA corps and ended up getting burned badly from them - so bad that I just turned my back and walked away from drum corps and decided to never look back.

...Until I saw Carolina Crown’s 2013 show. I was inspired again. I had never heard a BRASSLINE that was SO AMAZING. Literally, BECAUSE OF THIS SHOW - my faith in drum corps had been restored. I only wish I could have seen this corps live - it must have been an absolute DREAM to be in this corps and in this show.

Carolina Crown was always a corp I paid attention to, although I always admired other corps more (BD 96-99 OH and PHANTOM & MADISON 1996!, need I say more?) - anyway, I actually used to live in South Carolina (a piece of my heart is still in South Carolina to this day - very, very fond memories of my childhood there/one of the places I was stationed). So, needless to say, I was always keeping my eye on Crown, and I have friends who marched Crown - but, I knew there was a very powerful change when I saw them in 2008 in Atlanta - the first time I ever saw a corps that pleased me as a drum corps nut more than BD - of course Phantom was AMAZING (”I AM SPARTACUS!”) - but I remember a bud of mine David was marching Tuba in Crown and I always gave props like DUDE Crown’s brassline - HOLY SHIT (LOL!)

I could go ON and ON about that BRASSLINE. They are SO beyond amazing - especially this year, 2013! THEIR BRASS LINE LITERALLY GOT A PERFECT SCORE AND THEY REMAIN THE BEST BRASS SECTION IN DCI HISTORY - uh yeah - THAT’s saying something considering how much detail-oriented work goes into these shows just on an individual level, let alone a massive level of epic proportions with the size of the corps these days.  .....Every Time I hear this brass section, I just start to melt - I’m like.. “I want to go to there” lol!...I am TELLING you.. This show inspires me every time I watch it - I literally have PHYSICAL REACTIONS to this SHOW! ...Like - I swear...that brass line performance.... I’ve had orgasms (LMFAO!!!) ...ANYYYY WAYYYYY  hhahaha I highly recommend watching the entire FINALS show on Youtube (ya got like 10 minutes? lol “LET ‘ER RIP!”) and seriously - even though I’m not too huge on the narration in drum corps these days and the over-saturation of certain effects - I gotta say - this is one of those drum corps...it’s just like... poetry.

...You know how certain things just like, transcend their normality? Does that make sense? Like...  In my humble and personal opinion - Drum Corps exists so that this show could have been made. This is one of many, many, many fine shows, but for me personally - this show is ELECTRIC (and like really profound). Even if you’re a die-hard drum corps dude like me (WHADDUP PEEPS?!), go ahead and like check out the friggin’ announcements and the crowd reaction from when Crown WON Finals Night! It is absolutely breath-taking because for any drum corps kids, we all dream of being Champions. We all strive for Perfection, and we always catch Excellence in the process.

It always makes me get like super emotional when I think about Crown winning, and it’s just so nice to know that the underdog can win, too. And, just knowing that those kids put their whole heart and faith into their work and their teamwork (a truly remarkable group) and they walked away Champions is absolutely wonderful. And the icing on the cake was how the corps was represented in receiving the Trophy, by their Drum Major, Linda Harvey - she was just so classy, and down-to-earth, and had such poise, and exemplified how honorable a Champion can be when it’s their turn to be number 1.

God bless Carolina Crown, God Bless everybody who has ever volunteered, watched a drum corps show, supported by investing in the youth programs for kids like me who believe in music and the power of inspiration and giving an audience something worth enjoying. Without drum corps, I would not have been able to believe in myself as a Musician today.

- ATOMIK 1

P.S. It has always been a dream of mine to one day own my own Drum Corps. I was always like, how would I do it if I ever had the opportunity to have my own corps - and I decided - I would totally have it be like Star of Indiana - you know, I’ll be like an older dude who’s got the bread and then I’ll just make sure it’s a well-oiled machine - and then have the quality of Star, but be designed like Velvet Knights (LOL!!!! YES!!!!) ESPECIALLY because they were the most FUN drum corps on the field and literally went the zany and quirky route instead of the super serious and militant way (and dorks like me rejoiced hahaha). ...chuck taylors and all LOL.

[likeshipsonthesea]

And We All Fall Down (2/?)

[1] [2]

A continuation of Ooby Dooby, this thing I wrote where Nursey accidentally tells single-father Dex that he has a child, too. Oops. Also the title is from another children’s song (Ring-Around-the-Rosie) and is meant to signify Nursey falling even further down the hole he dug himself. Oops again.

*~*~*

Finding a toddler to borrow for a certain amount of time is more difficult than Nursey would’ve thought. Like, he thought it would be really hard to start with, but it turns out its even harder than that. None of his friends have kids, as they’re all fairly young and/or like to drink their cares away for the majority of their weekends, and it’s not like Nursey can just go to a cat-shelter type establishment and pick out a cute two-to-three year old who might possibly look like they share his genes.

He flirted, briefly, with the idea of putting an ad on Craigslist, but not only did the idea of what he’d get in response scare him into double-checking the locks on his apartment’s front door but he’s also pretty sure that someone in some kind of government room with no windows and a thousand computer screens is monitoring shit that goes down on Craigslist, and Nursey really doesn’t want to be put on any kind of list that makes flying even harder than it already is.

Dex texts him, a few days following their meeting- days Nursey has spent debating on whether or not he can die of heartbreak from a guy he’s spent not even an hour with- and he sends a picture of Parker wearing his Spider-man pajamas. It’s probably the most adorable thing Nursey has ever seen in his life, Parker looking so proud of himself with this huge grin on his face, sitting on a rug that looks old and homey, in his apparently favorite outfit. Dex captions it with he wanted me to make sure you knew how cool his pjs were. Nursey dies with cuteness and tells Dex to let Parker know that they are, indeed, the coolest pajamas in existence, and hopes that this isn’t a tit-for-tat type situation in which Nursey is expected to reciprocate with a cute picture of his own adorable, superhero-loving, non-existent kid.

Nursey lets himself into Jack’s apartment, hating himself and also craving some pie for some weird reason. He collapses on the couch with a pitiful sigh-groan-whimper and Jack, who is sat next to him, looks constipated, which he usually does when faced with emotions. He reaches out awkwardly and pats at Nursey’s shoulder, which is actually pretty nice so Nursey gives him a weak smile.

“No luck in the toddler search?” Jack asks, then winces at himself as he realizes how weird what he just said was.

Nursey sighs again. “No. It’s almost like parents don’t want to give their kids away to strange men so they can get dates. Go figure.”

“Thirdy said you could babysit his daughter if you want,” Jack says, a little hopeful. “Mostly because he wants to know how it is going to turn out.” Nursey loves Jack, he really does, because there’s only so many friends that would actually ask their coworkers if his friend could borrow their baby for a bit.

“I told Dex I had a son,” Nursey says, waving his hand for no reason. “But thanks anyway.”

“Marty has a son,” Jack says, almost like he’s thinking to himself. He winces again, momentarily forgetting that this isn’t the weirdest fucking situation ever.

Nursey gives Jack a flat look, which isn’t fair because Jack is trying to help but- “I show up with a white baby and he’s definitely going to think I’m more of a creeper than I already am.”

“I don’t see what the big issue is,” Holster says, returning from Jack’s kitchen with a giant bowl of popcorn. Shitty trails behind him, a similarly sized bowl of chocolate covered pretzels in his hands. Lardo has a three six-packs of beer in her hands, which she quickly dumps across the coffee table for everyone to grab. Nursey looks at them and whines to himself. He doesn’t even feel like drinking, he’s so upset. “You met the guy, what? Once for like an hour? Just never talk to him again.”

“I can’t just-” Nursey cuts himself off with a whine and reflops onto the couch, because he’s apparently regressed into childhood maturity once again. He briefly wonders if he could pass his own self off as his son and then hurts his head thinking about the logistics for a minute. “I- you didn’t see him. He’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Shitty raises his eyebrows. “More beautiful than Jack?” Nursey nods solemnly and Shitty swears. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“You can’t risk being arrested because he’s pretty,” Lardo says, throwing away a can of beer she’s already finished even though they haven’t even started the movie yet.

“It’s not just that,” Nursey mumbles, fiddling with the hem of his sweatshirt. “He’s really good with his kid and he’s funny and he plays hockey, and I don’t know.” He shrugs, looking up at Lardo and feeling embarrassed and vulnerable and shitty. “I just felt good being around him. I- everything was okay for a little bit.”

Lardo, who has dealt with Nursey’s shit almost as much as Shitty, considers him for a moment. Nursey lets her look her fill, baring his soul to her even though he knows she can see it whenever she wants. After a few heavy moments, she finally shakes her head. “Derek,” she says, her voice soft, “if you really do like this guy, you can’t pretend that you’re a father. It would ruin any chance you had.”

“Yeah, brah, fake babies are good for a one-and-done but long-term?” Shitty makes a face. “Not kosh.”

“But what do I tell him?” Nursey says, whining more but mostly just because why not.

“The truth,” Jack says, his voice quiet but firm, and he gives Nursey a reassuring smile when Nursye turns to look at him. “If he’s worth it, he’ll see how sw’awesome you are despite the whole-” Jack winces again, “-lying about having a kid thing.”

Nursey sniffles, wiping at a nonexistent tear. “That was beautiful.”

“Group hug!” Shitty cheers, then jumps onto the couch like a starfish. Nursey coughs all the air out of his lungs, and before he can rectify it, Holster and Lardo join the pile. Nursey and Jack are busy complaining, loudly and with much laughter, that it’s too much weight, then Shitty starts sobbing because he accuses them of calling him fat, and it’s at that moment that Ransom bursts into the apartment, grinning from ear to ear.

“Tell me I’m the best bro,” he says.

“You’re the best bro,” Holster says without pause.

“Want to know why I’m the best bro?” Ransom asks. Before anyone responds, he continues, “Because only the bestest of best bros could help his bro get a little bro to take to a bro date with another bro!”

Nursey blinks confused. What does bro even mean at this point? Holster, it seems, is better at deciphering it. “You found a toddler?” he asks, shock and awe in his voice. Nursey panics momentarily, wondering what “found a toddler” means. Like, a friend of a friend promised to lend the baby to a stranger for an afternoon kind of found, or like, someone left a stroller unattended at a grocery store and now the whole cast of Law and Order: SVU is going to be at their door in a few minutes kind of found?

“It might be cool to meet Mariska Hargitay,” he mumbles to himself. Everyone else, who is used to his mumblings, begins inquiring via yelling how exactly Ransom found a toddler.

“My sis is going on vacation and I convinced her to let me babysit my nephew while she and her wife go to Paris.” Ransom grins, incredibly proud of himself, and Nursey is thankful and he feels bad but-

“Thanks, brah, but I kinda decided to nix the fake baby idea.”

Ransom deflates. “Dude. Now I have a toddler for a week all by myself.”

“You love Wade,” Holster protests. “We can dress him up like Broadway characters again.”

Ransom winces. “Yeah, Sabrina nixed that after the Pippin ones. Gave her a bad vibe.” And he shakes his head, changing the subject physically. “And yeah, I love Wade, coolest little dude who can’t form sentences, but, like, for an afternoon, a day at most. A whole week is going to be brutal.” He collapses in the armchair, already exhausted at the mere thought of entertaining a toddler for an extended period of time.

“I could help you watch him,” Nursey suggests. “It is my fault you’ve got him in the first place, and I still need to do research for the book anyway.” Nursey doesn’t know why he’s doing this; he has no experience with kids and he’s probably just going to make the whole thing worse, but maybe a part of him is hoping that if he gets enough practice hours with a baby, Dex will be more inclined to let him into his and Parker’s lives. Possibly. Improbably. Would you let a guy who lied about having a son to look less creepy about watching children play in a park around your toddler? Nursey would, but he might be biased.

“Sw’awesome!” Ransom cheers. “Bro-parenting.”

“Bro,” Holster says, wounded. “I thought we were gonna be bro-parents.”

“That’s when we have our own kids,” Ransom says, like it’s obvious, and Holster is apparently pacified. The rest of the people on the couch exchange looks; they’re not sure if Holster and Ransom are actually dating and just never thought it pertinent to inform any of them or if they’re just planning to keep living together forever, bros ‘til death do they go off to the big kegster in the sky.

“When does Wade get here?” Nursey asks to change the subject.

“Tomorrow,” Ransom says. His eyes go wide and excited. “We can go to the aquarium!”

*~*~*

Okay, so, babies? Much cuter in the abstract than the physical. Like, meeting Wade, A+ experience. His mothers had cleaned him of any and all fluids, deceiving Nursey into thinking babies were generally clean. Guess what? Not true. They were pushing the stroller along, happily pointing out all the fish to a Wade who probably had no idea what was happening aside from colors! Then all of a sudden there was spit-up and crying (mostly Nursey and Ransom’s) and then Ransom was abandoning Nursey to “go get paper towels” and Nursey was left alone with the crying, vomit-covered toddler in his arms.

He’s hastily rummaging through the stroller, looking for anything aside from his own t-shirt for something to get the vomit off of Wade’s face, ignoring the judging looks from the moms around him. Fuck them, he thinks, at least my kid is the cutest out of all of them. He glances around to make sure and he’s totally got the cutest kid, sans-vomit. Wade’s got these huge chubby baby cheeks and a happy wide smile, with short curly hair and the most adorable button nose there’s ever been.

“Except maybe for Dex’s, kid,” Nursey tells Wade just as he finds a thing of wet-wipes. He manages to finagle a wipe out of it with some vigorous jerking that makes Wade giggle. “He’s got a very cute nose,” Nursey informs him, rubbing at the vomit, and it’s actually going away! Score one for Nursey, zero for toddler digestive tracts. “And there’s all these freckles over it, I bet you in the summer he gets thousands of them.”

“Fishy,” Wade says happily, pointing at a Nemo looking thing behind him.

“Yes, fishy,” Nursey says, proud of Wade’s developmental skills even though he has no right to be. He throws the vomit-wipe into the trash can to their left and then tickles Wade’s tummy, making him shriek with glee. “This is what fishy kisses feel like,” he says seriously, which just makes Wade giggle more.

Wade leans in and smacks a kiss to Nursey’s cheek, which is endearing even with the lingering smell of puke, and Nursey gives him a warm smile as Wade pats at the place he just kissed with his chubby baby hand.

Then Nursey hears, “Nursey!” in an excited, high-pitched voice, and he turns just in time to see Parker running up to him and stopping just before he barrels into Nursey’s knees.

“Parker.” Nursey blinks down at him, shocked considerably. Last night, Nursey and Parker’s father were texting like crazy, going from talking about hockey to books Nursey loved and Dex complained about to Marvel movies and more. It was so easy, companionable and flirty and comfortable. Nursey spent most of the night afterwards agonizing over if he was going to explain his lie to Dex or just not respond to anymore texts, and now here Parker is, bright and smiling and-and sans-Dex.

Nursey looks up and around, eyes programmed to lock onto that gorgeous fiery hair, and he finds Dex looking panicked a few tanks over. He raises a hand in the air and calls Dex’s name until Dex looks over, his eyes locking on Nursey. He jogs over, pushing his way through extended families and stroller walls. When he’s within earshot, he hears Dex asking, “Have you seen Park-”

“Daddy, it’s Nursey!” Parker cheers, bouncing on his feet. Dex instantly floods with relief, his shoulders loosening and his expression relaxing. He kneels down onto the ground and hugs Parker close, his eyes closing as he squeezes. 

“You scared me, Parker. Don’t run away from me like that.” Dex pulls back and Parker’s lip is wobbling a little.

“I’m sowwy,” he says, blinking rapidly. Then he points up at Nursey. “Nursey here.”

Dex squeezes at Parker’s shoulders for a few seconds, not able to look away from him, probably still half-panicked from losing him, but eventually he pulls his eyes away to look up at Nursey and offer a tired, almost self-deprecating smile. He stands up, taking Parker with him so now they’re both standing with babies in their arms, and Nursey almost forgot about Wade until he waves, big and obnoxious, over at Parker.

“Hi!” he says, cheerful, and Parker seems a little shy, ducking his head, but he does wave back, just a little spasm of his fingers, and it’s probably the most adorable interaction Nursey’s seen in his life.

“Oh, this is Wade,” Nursey says, remembering his manners. “Wade, this is Parker and Dex.”

“Hi!” Wade says again, and Dex smiles fondly. Nursey is almost jealous of Wade in that second. How dare a toddler get Dex’s fond eyes when Nursey doesn’t? He may possibly be crazy. I made up a toddler, he thinks, I’m definitely crazy.

Fuck, Nursey thinks as he realizes, Dex probably thinks Wade is my kid. Oh shit, oh fucking shit, how the hell is he going to dig himself out this? He was going to tell Dex he lied- or never talk to him again, he hadn’t decided yet- and it’s so much creepier to explain when he’s been spotted with a toddler that is not his own. Oh, yeah, I just like to hang out around children’s playgrounds alone during my free time and I just have this random toddler who’s my friend’s sister’s kid, a friend who just happens to not be here right now, haha, he’s totally real, this isn’t just a story I made up to explain away my kidnapping of this child, I would never make up something like, that’s almost as ridiculous as making up the existence of a child, who would do that, hahaha.

He is so fucked.

“Hi Wade,” Dex says, his voice softer somehow. “Do you like the fishes?”

“Fishy!” Wade says, which Nursey thinks is an affirmative. “Nemo,” he adds, solemnly, and Parker seems to understand because he nods back seriously. Dex shakes his head and gives Nursey a look, like kids, right? and Nursey tries to nod like a father would but he has like absolutely zero idea of what that would look like.

“My friend Chowder really likes the aquarium, and he conditioned Parker into loving sharks, so this is a weekly trip for us,” Dex says, faux-exasperated but mostly just pleased.

“This is our first time,” Nursey says, because lies fit in his mouth easily. He adjusts Wade on his waist. “We like it for the most part.” Then Nursey thinks for a second and amends, “The jellyfish exhibit was dark.”

“Dark scary,” Wade says.

“Weally scawy,” Parker agrees, and they exchange a happy, oblivious child smile.

Just then, Ransom comes bounding up to them, a wad of paper towels clutched in his hand. “I found-” He pauses, noticing the puke-less toddler in Nursey’s arms.

Nursey shrugs. “There were wet-wipes in the cart.”

“You couldn’t have texted a bro to let him know?” Ransom grumbles, throwing out the towels in the nearby trashcan.

“Jus’in,” Wade cheers, making grabby hands for Ransom. Ransom takes him easily from Nursey, and Nursey hopes that it doesn’t make it seem like his own “son” likes Ransom better than him.

“This is Ransom,” Nursey says, looking back to Dex- and God he’s pretty, how is Nursey ever going to walk away from Dex and Parker without dying inside- and seeing the amicable smile Dex offers Ransom. “Ransom, this is Dex and Parker.”

“The Dex and Parker?” Ransom has a shitty grin on his face, and Nursey feels his face warm (though it’s probably not a visible blush). Dex, on the other hand, flushes across his nose and cheeks in a pleasant, soft pink that Nursey wants to memorize. “I’ve heard a lot about you guys,” Ransom adds, probably as payback for the time Nursey helped Holster fill the pockets of his salmon shorts with actual salmon. Ransom leans in a little towards Parker. “I hear you’ve got some pretty sw’awesome Spider-Man PJs?”

“Spider-Man!” Parker cheers, and proceeds to ramble about superheros for a few minutes, to which Wade responds in kind, and as they have their own conversation (with Ransom watching and interjecting as he pleases, because both he and Holster are most comfortable in the presence of toddlers), Nursey manages to talk to Dex about the newest Marvel movie out, which leads to them talking about representation in media, and diversity and the importance of kids having role-models who look like them, and, just.

Dex speaks so carefully, choosing his words deliberately and trying to get what he means across so Nursey can understand easily, and Nursey can picture them talking about their days and Parker’s drawings and movies and pointless things and important things and he just wants, wants to have the chance to talk to Dex for- for as long as Dex will let him. And he realizes, with startling horror, that he is never going to get that. Because he made up the existence of a person and now he can’t even explain it because Dex caught him with a toddler (that Nursey once again lied about and passed off as his own), and, just. Halfway into their conversation, Nursey starts mourning the relationship he and Dex will never have.

Ransom’s phone goes off, and he tells Nursey that they need to get back for lunch with the gang, and Nursey tries not to whine pitifully at the thought of leaving Dex. Dex doesn’t seem to have the same qualms. He says, “Yeah, we’d better get going, too. But we should set up a playdate sometime.”

Nursey is going to say no, he is, but Dex looks so hopeful, and the expression is mirrored on Parker’s little face, and fuck, but, “Sure.” Nursey can feel Ransom staring at the side of his face and studiously ignores him.

Dex lights up, as do Parker and Wade. “I get off work early on Tuesday,” Dex says. “We could do around four if you’re free?”

“Sounds great,” Nursey says, thinking you’re an idiot, you’re an idiot, you’re an- “We can work out the details tonight.”

“See you then.” Dex is smiling, casual but devastatingly beautiful as always. He adjusts Parker in his arms. “Say bye, Park.”

“Bye-bye!” Parker waves goodbye, and Wade mirrors it with a big smile. Dex waves, too, and then they’re both disappearing into the crowd. Nursey deflates as soon as he can’t see the back of Dex’s head anymore.

“Dayum, Nursey, you’ve got it bad.”

“Yeah.” Nursey sighs. He’s so fucked.

“Fishy,” Wade says, almost consolingly, patting at Nursey’s shoulder. That helps.

[dnowit41]

LIVE FROM THE WORLD: LUKA DONCIC’S GLOBAL RISE

BY FRANKLYN CALLE 

“His feet [are] slower than rush hour traffic. Really slow feet…When I look at him on tape, he struggles with quick defenders. Guys getting in his pocket, getting after him… So, his NBA comparison is Hedo Turkoglu.”

“That’s my takeaway—He doesn’t pop athletically.”

“I mean, he’s better than Ricky Rubio but he doesn’t look special to me.”

“Doncic, at 6-7, will get exposed for all of the inadequacies that Dirk had. Dirk is not a great athlete. Dirk doesn’t have explosiveness. Dirk isn’t physical. That’s what is going to happen to Doncic…I’m not saying Luka is setting the NBA world on fire—I’m not sure he’s going to be a dominating NBA player.”

“The athleticism, that’s a problem. The lack of athleticism.”

“I believe Luka should go to a good team. I don’t believe he’s a lottery pick. No, I don’t. I think he falls right outside the lottery.”

“I don’t give a damn about how this kid in Europe looked.”

“We tend to over-sensationalize European basketball. There [are] restrictions that cater to him. You can’t have nine Americans on the floor in Europe. There’s going to be nine bred Americans on the floor with you 95 percent of the time in the NBA. That changes the dynamics of the game.”

—

These weren’t from randoms on Twitter purposely throwing out hot takes for some retweets and follows. These were hoops analysts on ESPN and FS1 talk shows (which, on second thought, sometimes spiel absurd hot takes for the same reasons as the Twitter randoms) giving their thoughts on Luka Doncic’s potential in the lead up to the 2018 NBA Draft. We’re not here to judge or air any of them out, so purposely not attaching any names to these. But you’ve probably seen some of these clips on your own social feeds or on YouTube already. Even Damian Lillard quote-tweeted an 80-second video compilation with some of these very same soundbites the morning after the Mavs star dropped a monster triple-double during last summer’s (still super strange saying that) playoffs. Dame’s caption was simply an “Lol”—which perfectly sums it all up in hindsight.

Doncic had proven himself overseas—going pro at age 13 (he left Slovenia by himself and relocated to Spain to play for Real Madrid—his mom didn’t join him there until three years later), winning MVP of the Liga ACB, EuroLeague and EuroLeague Final Four at 19 years old. The accolades actually made him the youngest MVP in the EuroLeague’s history.  

But a lot of fans (and media, seemingly) in the States had increasingly grown skeptical of highly-touted international prospects after many had not lived up to expectations upon their arrival to the Association. For the sake of consistency, they shall remain nameless here too. There’s that dude from Eastern Europe that got drafted really high in the 2003 NBA Draft by that team that had just played in the Eastern Conference Finals a month earlier. Or that other guy in the previous draft class that went really high too but was never able to make it work in the Mile-High City. Or even three years prior to that when the Knicks drafted a player in the teens that ultimately never saw a single minute of action in the League. There are plenty of posts online attempting to rank which international players were the most disappointing.

Hey, it’s the NBA. It’s not supposed to be easy or for everybody. There’s a reason why the average NBA career length is barely four years. It doesn’t make any of the guys that weren’t able to take off in the Association are any less as hoopers. Luck, timing, fit, politics—whatever the case is, it doesn’t work out more often than it does. Nevermind the complexities in scouting and the challenges of evaluating players competing in leagues of various talent levels.

Nonetheless, it happened. And will continue to. Can’t-miss prospects will miss when they finally get there. And many of those that were overlooked, underrecruited and slighted on social media (and on TV) will turn heads.

It didn’t take long for the very same TV analysts to change their tune about Luka. Like, literally just a few games into his career. And now only two seasons in, the 6-7 Slovenian guard has accumulated a ridiculous amount of shattered records. Forget the two regular seasons worth of games (which include records like surpassing Michael Jordan for the most consecutive 20-5-5 performances since the ABA/NBA merger), just the very first playoff series of his career alone is enough to justify everything you hear about him. The six-game series against the L.A. Clippers dissipated any lingering doubts.  

Game 1: 42 points—most points in a playoff debut by any player in NBA history, first 21-year-old to drop 40+ in a playoff game since LeBron James, fourth player to do it in general (after Magic Johnson, Tracy McGrady and James).

Game 2: 28 points, 8 rebounds, 7 assists—most points (70) by a player through his first two career playoff games in NBA history.

Game 3: first player in Mavericks history to record a triple-double in the playoffs, third youngest player in NBA history to record a triple-double in the playoffs after Magic and LeBron.

Game 4: a gazillion records. So much that Mavs PR Twitter had to create a Twitter thread just to be able to list them all. And even then, there were others they missed. Media members soon chimed in with the additional data.

His 43-point, 17-rebound and 13-assist stat line, which included a buzzer-beater to tie the series at 2-2, made him: the youngest ever to record a 40-point triple-double in the playoffs, the youngest to ever hit a playoff buzzer-beater, the only player aside from Wilt Chamberlain to finish with 43+ points, 17+ rebounds and 13+ assists in a game, the only player aside from Jordan to put up a 40-piece to go with a buzzer-beater while trailing, the third ever 40-15-10 performance in the playoffs after Oscar Robertson and Charles Barkley, second ever 21-year-old to record a 30-point triple-double in the playoffs, the third player ever after Magic and LeBron to have multiple playoff triple-doubles by the age or 21. The list went on and on, but you get the point.  

Although the Mavs went on to lose in six games, they still managed to come away as the real winners in the grand scheme of things—in front of the whole world, they confirmed they had THE one.

In the aftermath of Game 4 and in the weeks that followed, players across the League reacted to Luka’s insane performances. Props were given by the biggest names around.

Even before Luka played a single game in the NBA, back-to-back reigning MVP Giannis Antetokounmpo saw all of this coming from a mile away. In the summer of 2018, the Greek Freak, speaking with Marca, a local newspaper in Madrid, showed that he was better equipped than anyone else to evaluate Luka’s NBA potential as an international player himself.

“He is the most exciting player that has appeared in basketball in recent years. This past year in Europe he has won every competition he has played. EuroBasket, EuroLeague, Liga Endesa. He has been MVP of the EuroLeague, of the Final Four,” said Antetokounmpo. “He has shown that he is more than ready to play, that he has matured faster than the rest. He has played against professionals, as Charles Barkley said. The other rookies played against schoolboys.

“People in the United States sometimes forget that in the EuroLeague they play very well and very hard, more than in the NCAA. You have to be very good to stand out in the EuroLeague, and Luka is. Doncic has a lot of talent. He will have a great first year and, if it is not in the second, he will explode in the third.”

Looks like that explosion may have happened in the second year after all. Unless, of course, that wasn’t the explosion Giannis was talking about. There’s a chance we’re about to witness a whole other level that Luka could tap into. It’s worth noting, as of mid-December, he is the betting favorite to win MVP, according to Caesars Sportsbook with a +400. Defending MVP Giannis is right behind him at +450.

Giannis isn’t the only MVP who’s had high praise for the former Real Madrid star. The King himself, while appearing on Uninterrupted’s Road Trippin’ in early December, made it known that at one point he had intentions of starting a subset of his brand with Luka as the centerpiece.

“I wanted to begin Team LeBron and have Luka as my first signing with Nike,” said LeBron. “I don’t even know if Luka knows this, but he will know it now. I wanted Luka to be the first signing of Team LeBron when he was going through his situation…That’s how much I believed in him.”

In July, Paul Pierce went as far as to suggest that there’s already been a passing of the crown.

“You talk about a kid who made one of the biggest leaps in recent memory from a Rookie of the Year to MVP-caliber player,” said the Celtics legend. “He has won at every European championship that you can think of, every European MVP that you can think of. So, I expect special things from this kid. Clearly, he’s special. He’s a talent. To me, he is the most talented player in the NBA today. The lights are never too bright for him.”

The amount of individual records he’s been able to set and break are so many that his Wikipedia page has an “achievements” section specifically dedicated to that, where people have been able to create a list with 43 different bullet points detailing where his performances have landed him in the history books. Forty-three. Two years in.

“I just feel confident. I know I have the confidence of my teammates and my team, so I just feel confident [in] myself and I love taking those shots. I get motivated. I have to make the last shot,” Luka told Rachel Nichols in a sit-down interview in 2019. When he sat down with her again in 2020, he added: “Pressure was in my life when I was 13, when I had to move from Slovenia alone to Madrid. I live with pressure every day, so I just don’t feel it anymore.”

[remainingso]

your choice of starblaster crew, how many cycles of dying in front of each other does it take to become numb?

The first thing most people see when they look at Magnus is all his outside stuff: big dude, kinda scary looking maybe, probably would fuck you up if he wanted to.

Magnus usually tries extra hard to get you to forget all that, mostly by crying a lot, and adopting all the small woodland creatures he can, until Taako laughs himself silly when the governing council or whatever of the latest plane asks if they could chat maybe without your bodyguard glowering at us from the corner?

Here’s the thing though: it is really hard sometimes, caring that is.

It’s something around the fiftieth time they’ve done this whole song and dance (he hadn’t started counting, not yet), and he and Lucretia are out in the woods, tracking down some rare birds she wanted to get a record of in her journals. It’s just them—Davenport’s trying to fix the ship so they can take off a little faster this time, Taako and Lup have been spending the last few cycles playing some sort of game of bad cooking chicken (no pun intended) and are holed up in a kitchen flinging truly horrendous dishes at each other, Barry’s doing some nerd shit Magnus doesn’t really want to try and understand, and Merle’s off trying to talk to John—so, hey, what the heck else is there to do but beat around some bushes and see some birds?

It isn’t supposed to be a hard cycle. They had the Light already. The trees looked a bit funny, maybe, coming here, bark and branches and leaves all in various shades of reddish orange, but Lucretia said it was probably mostly aesthetic. Everything was going fine.

Neither of them had expected the fifty foot wall of flames that would shoot up around the clearing they stepped into. Magnus hadn’t expected Lucretia to be caught in the blaze.

He stands, still holding onto the journal she’d given to him for safekeeper earlier on, blinking.

Lucretia’s gone.

Magnus scratches his head, tucks the journal away in his bag, and his first thought is, who’s supposed to take me birdwatching now?

He waits for the wall to subside and is mildly disturbed when Lucretia’s just gone. Like, what kind of magic mumbo jumbo even does that? Maybe Taako will know. Heck, maybe Lucretia would know—Magnus walks a slow perimeter around the clearing and vows to ask her next cycle.

“Man,” he says, ducking into the Starblaster, “these woods are kind of scary.”

Davenport pokes his head out from behind some control panel. “Is there something we should look out for out there, Magnus?”

Magnus scratches at his head. “Yeah, man,” he says. “The trees shoot fire. Dunno what sets ‘em off, but we were just walking along, minding our own business, and then, bam—” he smacks his fist against his open palm—“giant wall of flames.”

“Did anyone get hurt?” Davenport eases all the way out of the panel. “Wait, wasn’t Lucretia with you?”

Magnus opens his mouth, then stops.

Davenport’s brows furrow. “Magnus? What happened? Where’s Lucretia?”

“We—we have the Light, right?”

“Yeah…? It’s in the back, over there.”

Magnus rushes into the back room, where they always put the Light. He stares at it for as long as his eyes can stand it. It’s...well it’s really freaking bright is what it is. Magnus isn’t very good with words, so all he can think is that it’s the brightest thing he’s ever seen in his entire life (lives?)—definitely hella brighter than that wall of supernatural flames.

His eyes water, maybe from the Light, but probably because the thought of what if there was no next cycle? suddenly sneaks into his brain.

He runs back out of the room, sees Davenport again, then bursts into tears.

See, the thing is, caring hurts. It hurts way more than anything Magnus has ever been hit with. He sits in his room, alone, listening to the rest of the IPRE crew enjoying some new recipe Lup swears is the best thing she’s ever made.

He doesn’t feel much like celebrating.

It’s easy to forget, he thinks. It’s so much easier to forget that this thing they do, it’s dangerous, and no matter how many times people come back, any time might be the last. Taako’s voice floats to his mind, quoting one of his most popular aphorisms from back at the Legato Conservatory: Life’s full of second chances! Heck, it’s full of third chances, and fourth chances, and fifth chances, and—well, you get the point, don’t you, darling?

But what happens when their chances run out? 

Magnus pulls Lucretia’s journal out from his pack and makes a promise to himself right then and there: he’s never gonna forget. Not how dangerous it can be. He’s never gonna let himself not care, even if that might be easier and he might just die of dehydration by the time all this is over from the crying. But Magnus Burnsides is never ever going to forget to care, not even again.

The first thing Lucretia sees when she comes back is light. It’s always light, this blinding, surging mesh of light that imprints itself on the back of her eyelids as she comes back to herself. It just so happens that the last thing she remembers seeing is also light, tinged orange, hot and brief before everything falls into dark again.

The second thing Lucretia sees is Magnus.

He pulls her into a hug as soon as they’re all fully formed and people again. It’s a Magnus hug, so Lucretia mostly feels like she’s dying again until he puts her back on her feet, but when he pulls back, there’s tears dripping down his face, black eye and all.

“What was that for?” she asks, bemused.

Magnus sniffles. “I’m sorry for, y’know, letting a bit wall of fire eat you, and all that…”

“It’s okay,” she says, because it is (now). “It wasn’t your fault,” she says, because it absolutely wasn’t. Still, she thinks of the fire again and shudders a bit. But they can’t afford to think about the what ifs and the maybes. All that really matters is that she’s here, and Magnus is here, and so is the rest of their crew, safe for now.

“I have something for you,” Magnus says, then runs to the back of the ship before she can ask what it is. When he comes back, he’s holding—she squints—is that her journal?

“Here,” Magnus says, almost bashfully. He shoves the journal back towards her. “I, uh, hope you don’t mind that I...sort of maybe wrote in it?”

She flips it open, revealing a messy spread of bird drawings, some high up on tree branches, some rendered mid-flight, colourful feathers sticking out all over the place. Magnus has little captions besides each one like, this lil guy snuck up on me when I was trying to eat lunch, or, my green buddy here likes to sing to me sometimes when I’m out here. I think he likes me.

She turns the page and sees the beginnings of the next day, written out in what was obviously Magnus’s best attempt at printing neatly. Today, Lup and I blasted a big chunk out of a cliff by accident. It’s kind of a long story, but…

Lucretia looks up.

Magnus is looking at her, blinking with barely restrained hope brimming in his eyes. “I didn’t want you to miss any of it when you were gone,” he says.

This time, Lucretia’s the one who throws her arms around him in a hug.

[gossipgirl2019-blog]

Jerrika Karlae Decided To Rap And It's Working: "U Ain't Slime Enough" Rapper Talks Music, Relationships & More

New Post has been published on http://gr8gossip.xyz/jerrika-karlae-decided-to-rap-and-its-working-u-aint-slime-enough-rapper-talks-music-relationships-more/

Jerrika Karlae Decided To Rap And It's Working: "U Ain't Slime Enough" Rapper Talks Music, Relationships & More

“THESE BITCHES AIN’T SLIME ENOUGH!” became a defining moment and lyric from Young Thug‘s inaugural compilation album, Slime Language. Reading it now, you should instantly recall Jerrika Karlae’s slightly coarse, sing-song-yell of the lyric, relayed with so much passion you know she absolutely meant it. When you sing along, you likely mean it too. That’s the thing about mostly everything Jerrika Karlae does: it’s passionate, purposeful, and genuine. I gather this much from our phone conversation last week, which occurs a day before her birthday. The next day, Thug would wish her a happy birthday, and while it could have resulted in something materialistic (new clothes, jewelry, plane, whatever the case), he wrote to her: “Keep goin up up and over, I’m with u when u ain’t with yo-self kid!! I hope u become RICHER,SEXIER, SMARTER then everybody in the world.”

The fact that he wished for her to become her best self– aka richer, smarter and sexier– truly says some thing of their relationship. They’re grown. 

Their relationship has been fodder for gossip blogs and Instagrammers ever since Thug himself started making waves online. After one particularly public and drama-filled break-up stint last year (and if you need me to re-hash exactly what happened, you, clearly, are -not- slime enough), the two eventually let bygones be bygones, preferring to grow and mature as a couple. Jerrika knows that they are stronger when they are together, streamlining their vision and working on their goals as a team. 

One of the new goals for the YSL lovebirds is the fact that Jerrika Karlae, going by Karlae for musical purposes, is going to be a rap artist. She dipped her toe into the pool with the verse and hook on “U Ain’t Slime Enough,” but there is plenty more on the way, and it all sounds very exciting. She’s just as excited about it too– she can’t help but gush when discussing her upcoming music, which includes a very strategically-planned (I recommend reading on) collab with Rich the Kid, “Rich Bitch” and her personal favorite called “Irregular.”

The thing is, when your boyfriend is Thugger Thugger, there will be extremely high expectations for your music. The minute Karlae shared a photo of herself in the booth I set my very own expectation (sorry, not sorry Jerrika): that the music was going to be fire as fuck (!). 

The thing is, too, that Karlae is all too aware of these expectations, which is why she’s taking her time. We’ve yet to receive another release from the artist since her lone appearance on Slime Season, although she has a bunch of music locked and loaded (features and producers are all friends of the YSL family– if you know, you know). While she had plans to drop a project on her recent birthday, she’s delaying it until Halloween to make sure it’s perfect.

Karlae has a vibrant, magnetic energy, even just speaking on the phone– she sounds happy, genuine, enthralled throughout our conversation. She sounds confident, too. She knows she’s stepping into unfamiliar territory when it comes to rap. She knows it’s more than just “unfamiliar” territory, in fact, it’s safeguarded, it’s cautious– because she knows people will say, “why is Thug’s girlfriend “all of a sudden” deciding to rap?” 

That’s the thing. She did just decide to rap. And that’s completely okay. 

—-

HotNewHipHop: Hey Karlae, this is Rose from HotNewHipHop.

Karlae: Hiiii, how’re you?

Good. What are you up to today? What’s a typical day for Karlae?

I’m justIn Atlanta, I’m usually running errands either for Thug or myself. But now that I’m an artist, my days consist of waking up, running my errands in a quick time frame and then hitting the studio usually about 8:00 everyday. Or some days I’ll go a little earlier but now, music is becoming my life so most of my days I’ll either sit at home and write stuff or I’ll go to the studio. When I’m in California, I’m usually in meetings or just different endorsements, Pretty Little Thing, Fashion Nova, all of that good stuff.

Do you and Thug live together in Atlanta?

Right now, we have a house together but we both don’t stay there. We just have a ton of furniture in here. We both have two separate condos. So, it’s both a yes and a no.

Do you guys plan on using that house when you’re officially married?

Yeah, well our family will go there. I keep some of my junk there. It’s like a storage house. We honestly have no plans for what we’re going to do as far as marriage. We’ve actually been looking for a new home. For now, we kind of keep our separate bachelorette and bachelor pads.

That’s cool. Do you find that helps with the relationship, like ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ kind of thing?

I do actually because, before we lived together, we were so young in our relationship that we went through a ton of shit and we were just growing and learning one another, but it’s like now I can appreciate the times when I’m alone or I’m away from him because I know he’s going to end up missing me if we don’t see eye to eye or we’re fed up with another. I think it’s just better for reasons like that. So, I do enjoy it because we can keep our own distance and have our own time. And he has a lot of friends. The main thing is that his homeboys are always at his fucking house. So, I love having a break from the boys, the man cave.

So, you’re not one of the girlfriends that follows him throughout the tour, like goes on the road with him.

No. So, the beginning of our relationship, me and Thug have been together for four and a half years, so the first song the world ever heard from him, me and him were together and that was a time when we were really going hard. I literally went state to state with him. You would never see Thug without Jerrika, so I feel like it changed within the last year and a half, two years and it wasn’t for a reason in particular, I got caught up doing Karlae Swimwear and then just the simplest things like keeping up with my posts or Pretty Little Thing and they give me a good check so I dedicated my time to myself.

Exactly. You have your own business.

Right. So, it wasn’t convenient for me to be following him everywhere.

Do you try to meet up with him on tour though, when he’s in random cities?

Yes. So, this is like the first tour that he’s done that I haven’t been on. I plan on going to a few dates but with me doing the music thing and my own marketing, I’m trying to figure out how it’s going to mesh because I just want to be fully ready when I hit the stage. I don’t want to give the people too much. I want to keep the anticipation building up. So, I think I’m probably going to do one date with him. But I am going to go visit him. He comes home on his off days too, so we see each other.

There’s definitely a lot of anticipation for your music. It’s been slowly building, even when you first tweeted you were in the studio, I know myself personally, I was like ‘Oh my god. I can’t wait to see what you put out.’ And then the first song was fire.

Thank you so much.

Andit’s so crazy because your debut, was “U Ain’t Slime Enough.” It became a catchphrase very quickly, it became something people say on Instagram, like a caption. It’s so caption-worthy.

I can’t believe it, because like literally when it dropped, I was so nervous. Just because I’m such a perfectionist, I’m a Virgo, so I was so pressed and I was actually telling Adryanauna [her co-manager], they not gonna like it. She was like, ‘Bitch are you serious, this is flames.’ I just feel like I’m warmed up, I’m ready now.

What was it like hearing your voice on that hook for the first time?

When I first started recording, I have a heavier voice than the average woman who has like an airy super feminine sound, so I was like man, I sound like a dude. And everybody was like your voice is so fire like you have a different sound.

It has a little bit of a raspiness to it, which is cool. You can’t confuse your voice for anyone’s voice. Your voice is unique.

Thank you. I appreciate that. So, I was so hard on myself at first and then at the end of it, I did my verse first and at the end, I was like it needs something else because I wanted Thug and Duke to get on it. I’m like Thug never did a song with me and I wanted him to like it, I wanted to be on some gang gang shit. I was like, let me go back in the booth, I took two shots of Hennessy and I just came out and was like [starts singing], “these bitches ain’t slime enough” and everybody was like, ‘Holy shit.’ So, after that, I’m like okay I know what my formula is, Hennessy, yelling and just being free. So, when I first heard my voice, I actually liked it. But I didn’t like it, until the “Slime Enough” part.

“U Ain’t Slime Enough” obviously ties in with everything Thug is about, but you weren’t going in the booth like: ‘I’m going to make a Slime record like this is just going to be for Thug.’

No, no, I did. That’s what I did. I was trying to do anything to be hip. I was like, what can I do to make Thug like it. Because if you listen to the verse, it’s kind of girly, so I wanted to make it so where it was for everybody.

Yeah. Everyone can fuck with it. So, that was the first song that you and Thug actually collaborated on?

Yeah. That’s the very first song we ever did. Actually no, I’m lying, three years ago, Me, Dolly and Dora did a song and put Thug on it. So, it’s like on his hard drive from forever ago, but it was so funny because he actually was helping me, I was saying some stupid shit. Like I said in my PAPER interview, they had been doing music way before me, so it really was like, ‘Rikka get on the track’ and I did it and I never got in the booth ever again.

That was like the first time, so now you kind of rekindled it?

Yeah and we were just joking. It was all fun and games.

Does that song have a title?

I don’t even know.

Yeah Dory and Dolly are dope too.

Yeah. They are. They’re definitely doing their thing.

So, you met Young Thug through your mom who was managing Young Scooter at the time. Did you already have Karlae Swimwear out?

Yeah. So, I met Thug, my mom was doing work for Scooter, I met him in the studio, I had actually just started Karlae Swimwear. I met him two months after I launched. I did it with a minimal budget. I didn’t have much to work with.

Did you have a following on Instagram already?

Yeah. I did. I had a following from weave and girls loved my makeup and stuff.

What year was this around?

This was around 2014. It was April.

So, around the time in your life when you met Thug, you were just focused on launching Karlae Swimwear?

Yeah. That was my main thing that I was doing was Karlae Swimwear. I was also doing work with KRS back then. They were paying me really good. That was how I made my living and then my mom invested in Karlae Swimwear. Her and Scooter helped too. He’s like a brother to me. So, I launched it, I didn’t make that much money but it was enough to live day to day and recycle my money back into the business and as time went by, me and Thug kinda built on our relationship and he started helping me. So, toward the end of the summer, my now, bestfriend, she’s a stylist now, Cece Monaco, she came on as a designer and she linked me with a manufacturer, so I had more of a budget to work with because I had Thug’s help and all of that good stuff, but my line was established way before Thug.

Did you go to school at all for that?

Yeah. So, I went to school for a year and I lived in Miami and I went to the International Art Institute there. I went for fashion merchandising and I dropped out and I came here and got an internship with Tresa Sanders. She was working and doing PR for BET at the time. Then I just kind of quit that, because I was trying to find myself. I didn’t know if I wanted to do fashion PR. I had wanted at, one time, to be a buyer. I didn’t know what I wanted to do so I came here, and it’s crazy because I met Thug the summer when I finished school. I really couldn’t find myself. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I come from a family of entrepreneurs, my father’s side of the family is in the mortuary business. They own a number of funeral homes. It took me a minute to find myself so when I met him, things came in to fruition with Karlae Swim.

So like I said, the music is what we’re most excited for. It all started because of Thug’s infidelity?

So basically, that is not true. In my PAPER interview, I was saying that, they actually misquoted this. When Thug started changing his tone of his music, I was explaining to her [the journalist] that it was hard for me to deal with it and it taught me so much when I started doing music because it was like, Okay bro, I got a song where I’m like: ‘I cannot pay your nigga to leave me alone. If you wanna know how I do it, just ask me. P-game cold. Promise I’m not just rapping.’ And, for example, people would say, ‘You sleeping with somebody man. You cheating on Thug.’ But I took it with a grain of salt because I had to do the same thing with his music and him talking about his infidelity in front of the world. So, at first it would make me mad but when I started doing music, I understood why it was okay because it makes the music better. So they took it as, she started doing music because he was cheating but no, his infidelities did however motivate certain songs. I have songs where I went in the booth and literally shed tears not because I’m in a sad place but because…

It’s therapeutic.

Right, and I want people to listen and feel me expressing myself.

That’s crazy, when you started your music, you and Thug were already back together?

So, yeah I started doing music when we were actually on a break. I did a remix to “Relationships.” It was a hot song for the summer and that was the song that actually did…‘oh, you’re in a relationship with all these bitches. That’s what you saying?’ And he was like, ‘Karlae it’s just music, you trippin, you trippin.’ And I was like, ‘I’m going to start doing music,’ and he was just like, ‘Okay, whatever.’ I don’t think he took me serious. And I was like, ‘Jeff, can you send me the beat,’ the instrumental for “Relationships,” which is pretty fucking big because no one has the official instrumental, and he sent it to me and I recorded over it and the song was pretty good. This is so funny, I was going to drop it on his birthday, August 15th, last year, it was just like a joke, it was just for me to express myself the way he did initially, and somebody recorded it from me being on [Instagram] Live and they put it on YouTube and it got good feedback. People were hitting me like, ‘this shit dope’, ‘it hard,’ and so I’m like, maybe I need to do another song. And that’s how my journey of music kind of started.

That’s so crazy how, at first, you didn’t like the lyrical content, but then when you started making music, you realized that sometimes people just talk shit on records because it sounds good.

Right. And I wanted to be different people too so, sometimes I’ll rap about shit that has nothing to do with my life but I enjoy rapping about being a freak because maybe I want to feel spontaneous tonight. It’s different vibes and I think that, what I was trying to say was, this experience taught me that. It made it okay. So now I don’t complain because he’s like, Karlae it’s just about giving the people an imagination basically.

So, what’s the song called “I Fuck U”, when you were mad at Thug, are you actually going to release that song?

Yeah. So, the crazy thing is, “Fuck U” is not even about Thug. That’s the crazy part. They [PAPER Magazine] misquoted. “Fuck U” song is about every guy, in my past who, might say like damn I slept with her or I used to date her, I was her third boyfriend. This is for those type of niggas. Just men from my past who were shitty. I made the song because I wanted other women to feel the same way. We never have a song where we’re expressing our truth and the thing is, most women who get scrutinized in the industry, like for example, Amber Rose, she messed with this guy, she messed with this guy, but that was her choice. She didn’t do it because somebody tricked her out of her time, so I made the song with that thought because my cousin was in the studio and she was like, you know what I’m thinking about, niggas always thinking (excuse my language) they fucking us and tricking us, but really we choose to give you them the pussy and nigga I put it on you and behind closed doors, you really be feening for me. So, when she said that I was like, Woah, that need to be a song, like a girl power anthem. So, when I said it, I did talk about certain things in my life, like for example I said in one part, ‘Grip game good, I can’t put no cap on it, ya’ll doing well, make em rap about it.’ Now that’s real life. I’m saying, I’m saying I got good cootie cat and I’m making him rap about it. They took it as, she talking about Thug and I’m like honestly, I’m talking about every nigga I’ve known that ain’t shit. You thought you fucked me, but really I fucked you.

Okay. So is Young Thug going to be put on blast at all in your music?

I would say it’s going to be a good blast. I would never do anything crazy. It’s going to be the truth. Another quote I said in my song was, ‘I had a rich nigga who couldn’t shake those bitches. He played around and now he see the difference.’ Some people might take that as shade, I take that as real life. I had a rich ass boyfriend, he had a problem with these industry bitches, he couldn’t shake them and now, you know what, he shook them off and now he sees she’s much different than the other ones. So, it’s going to be real life shade.

I saw you just previewed a song with Young Thug but before that, you previewed a song with Rich the Kid called “Rich Bitch.”

Yeah. So my mom co-manages Thug. She had the idea. I was on a plane ride to LA and Rich The Kid was on the plane and I overheard him being nosy, talking about his Richard Mille. So, I’m like I know a Richard Mille is an expensive ass watch, Thug has one, so I’m like, I know how I’m going to get him to love the song, I’m going to talk about what he loves. His rich lifestyle. That’s how I came up with the hook. And my mom walked up to him and she was like, ‘my daughter is getting into music, she’s Thug girl, you and him are cool, I think you should fuck with her. You can come in and listen to her music, see if you vibe with it but we would be honored to have you on a song’ and he was like, ‘cool.’ He did it. I was so shocked because not a lot of artists who are established in the game will tell you they’ll work with someone they’ve never even heard a song. My mom called him back and was like, ‘we have a session tonight, do you think you can make it?’ He was like, ‘Yeah I’ll stop by for a second.’ So, I was like, let me just do the hook before he gets here. So I’m like, what does he like? [starts singing]  “If he ain’t got a Richard Mille, then he ain’t balling,” I started flowing with it and he came in and laid his verse and left back out. Like a thief in the night.

That’s a good tactic though, ‘I’m going to rap about his watch that he really likes.’ So, when Rich The Kid got on the song, “Slime Enough” wasn’t even out, there was no proof that you couldn’t do anything at the time.

Right. I didn’t even realize that before you said that.

He just trusted that you were dope. What song are you most excited for people to hear?

My favorite song, I can’t wait for people to hear this song I got called “Irregular.” I just love it so much because it’s all me. It’s me expressing myself and how I feel about myself and not even just me, every woman in general should feel like they’re irregular. You don’t have to be rich, you don’t have to be flashy. You could just feel like you ain’t gonna tolerate shit that the average person might. You might feel like you irregular because you do your job different from everybody else. So, I just love it because every time I listen to it, it really touches me. It’s this other record I have called “Heart in A Hole.” I really love it because I just feel like it’s different. It’s completely R&B trap type of vibe. I just can’t wait for people to hear it. It’s something different. And then, just be expressing myself on the regular. I just addressed so many things that people would say about me. Of course that’s always dope.

When are you planning to release a project?

I’m planning to release October 31st, Halloween. The push back was because my visuals wouldn’t be ready in time and I didn’t want to rush, and I realized that I would be under delivering had I dropped it tomorrow, my birthday [September 18, Jerrika’s original plan]. I have this interlude called “Going Hard,” and I just talk about haters, industry shit, fake people, fake friends, relationships and I was going to release that too for my birthday but I’m not going to release my EP until Halloween cause it’s a scary fucking day. I feel like my visuals that I’m doing around that time is based around Halloween.

Does the EP have a title?

Yeah, so I’m thinking about…I don’t have a title yet so I don’t want to say it and then be wrong.

Would you want to sign with Young Thug’s imprint or would you prefer to go somewhere else?

Thug told me himself that he wanted the best for me and he told me that, he knows with the relationship being so personal…he never wants to tear us apart, basically. The thing is, I’m so YSL. My imprint is YSL, I’m coming in the game, whether I sign with whoever, as YSL. Thug is executive producing my EP, so he still has his feet all the way in, but I’m not signed to YSL.

What do you see in your future with Thug and with the music. I wanted to know if you wanted to have a family with Thug, do you guys plan on having kids?

I definitely do want to have a family but right now, I’m really focusing on my music and me and him building a stronger bond and learning right now. I want to just observe. We’ve cut out so much of our arguments and just ups and downs, because we’re like, look, if it’s not about our careers about us and it’s not about us being a power team together, whether we have a relationship or not, me and Jeff are always going to be a team. I owe so much to him, my first break was on Slime Language. He didn’t have to do that. So, I’m always going to feel like it’s me and him no matter what, whether we work out as a relationship, marriage, baby daddy, baby mama or not. But I do want to have children but for now, I think in the next year and a half or so, I just want to drop two of my projects.

So if there’s one thing you can be known for. If it’s one thing, whether it’s the music or swimwear, if you had to choose one.

I want to be known for, when they look back, the girl who set an example. People will take you for a joke, like, ‘oh you’re a man-made machine and you have the best writers around you,’ I’m not that. I want people to know that you can really wake up and have a passion and exceed at doing it. I been hearing, ‘You wanted to wake up and be a rapper,’ she just woke up and wanted to be a rapper, all these girls wanna rap. So what? You can wake up and develop a talent as long as you’re willing to work at it. So that’s what I want to be remembered as. Karlae really woke up and wanted to do music and she did it exceptionally well. I want to be known too, as a positive force for young women because I feel like a lot of us battle with, mentally, we’re in this cage and the world doesn’t know it because we’re put up against society and Instagram, and the looks of things, and my music, it talks about that. I want that to be my message too. I’m a real bitch, I’m not an opportunist, I want realness to come from me and literally just this girl who didn’t do it off of luck. I did it off of practice and investing into my craft.

That’s dope. Thank you so much. Thank you for your time. I’m looking forward to all the music.

I appreciate you guys. When I do some more stuff and I have some releases, I would love to invite the brand out to get it covered.