#case no.1 - laugh in his face and call him crazy [affectionate] | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 4 years

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okay so i’ve been going crazy these past few days. all about cockles/jensmish and obsessively watching their panels or reading the transcripts BECAUSE. THEY ARE LOUD. LIKE. i saw some fancams on twt and i thought people were just exaggerating but noooooooooo!!!???? so, getting to the point. you said that how do we know that jensen is performing masculinity? because jared isn’t and THAT IS A BIG BRAIN MOMENT. ON POINT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. a particular moment from gag reel that jumps out (which you’ve talked about) when jensen goes ‘cas, you are my baby daddy’ and misha goes, ‘i know i love you too’ and jensen goes, ‘i didn’t say i love you’ and misha goes, ‘i know you wanted to’ and jensen says, ‘i love you’ WHAT THE FUCK! that was NOT a joke. yes, people took it as a joke and had a good laugh BUT I HAVE WATCHED IT TOO MANY TIMES AND IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A PERFORMANCE. THAT WAS JENSEN. THAT WAS MISHA. jensen has a had trouble with the pda and being all touch feely (the breakup theory) and he gradually grew into it, accepted it and misha was right there all along, never pushed it. it was like a deancas au but tbh, 99% of destiel is because of cockles and we all know it. i just. jensen has latched onto dean as an emotional support because he tunes with it. understands it. projects on to it. yeah, i just had to say it and get it off my chest. (and what about those poetry pages on instagram? alma? what is your opinion?) btw, you have a lovely blog and your analysis are right on target.

so there is a LOT i’m going to address here(how dare you bring up [gunshot] i HAVE to talk about it now) so again!!!! under a cut it goes but i hope you appreciate my rambles anon it seems like you do :,)

1. jared vs. jensen and performing masculinity. hell yeah man. jared and jensen are both just ‘guys from texas’ but they are still so vastly different. today i actually had a revelation that i’m pretty sure has to do with me being bi. and it’s that i have a group of straight friends(that i love dearly but they care too much about hockey and pitbull imo could not be me) and i have a group of queer friends(who are also batshit[affectionate]). and it’s like whichever group i hang out with a different side of me emerges? they’re both me, it’s just that certain aspects of who i am as a person only surface depending on who i am around. however, i will say i feel like i watch what i say around my straight friends more. i see that very clearly in jensen as well. around jared during panels and on set, he’s definitely putting on an air of machismo and engages in typical guy talk. i do think an element of it is performative, because he wants validation from jared that they’re still just two dudes from texas taking on the world together despite his sexual identity. does that make any sense??? i hope so. but when he’s with misha he is an entirely different person and his sense of humour becomes wildly different. the machismo fades away, he’s way less caught up in what people think about him, lets his guard down, etc. to go back to my original point which is how j2 are different in that regard....jared does not do this. he is a constant. he does not flip a switch between ‘performing masculinity’ and ‘not’ because he isn’t performing any part of who he is. he just IS. so yeah these two are similar in many regards but there’s somewhat of a dissonance between them when it comes to how they perform masculinity because one of them is putting on a show and the other is merely being.

2. that crypt scene blooper(here just in case you need to see it again. do it. as a treat.) when i tell you i have easily seen this over thirty times??? since it first came out??? i mean it. it is such an overlooked(r*mantic) moment and it means so much more than people think it does. i’ve talked about the context behind it, and i think that’s why this blooper was so meaningful, so i’ll mention it again. jensen and misha had a LOT of trouble with this scene. the reason is that jensen couldn’t wrap his head around why dean would be saying these things, if i remember correctly, and both of them sat down and scoured over how they should play it for a while before filming(teamwork ;) teammates *ahem*). [to be honest we all know why jensen had a hard time with that scene and it is because it is blatantly romantic. rip to him but i would simply give in to it at that point but oh well] so anyway, their heads were scattered going into shooting, which is NEVER a good headspace to be in for a scene, ESPECIALLY not a pivotal one. but they had each other to help them through said weird energy on set that couldn’t possibly have invoked the best feelings, especially considering jensen STILL doesn’t think he played that correctly(but he praised misha on his performance :,) ). and with that context every single part of that video hits haRD

-’stop pulling my face towards your crotch’ i think this is objectively hilarious because it really really looks like jensen is pulling HIMSELF towards misha’s crotch. again, you’re fooling no one, jensen. misha’s wheezing laugh and the way he wraps himself around jensen is also,,,sweet??? like i don’t know how else to describe how i see it but this moment really reads as jensen, in his weird ‘constructing elaborate rituals’ way is asking for security through a physical touch from misha and he happily obliges and gives jensen what he needs. because i mean...watch it again. jensen ‘fights back’, but not really at all, actually. pretty wimpy counterattack. he literally lets himself be smothered by misha, and i would literally describe what they end up doing as cuddling.

-’i need you, cas. you’re my baby daddy’ i love having an actor’s perspective on things bc i think i can explain what’s going on here. jensen just delivered what was(in his own mind) a rotten take of the lines he’s most scared of delivering. so the scene was already messed up. therefore; ensuing fuckery is warranted to help him feel better. but there’s also for sure more than meets the eye for what he says here because of misha’s reaction after??? like he seemed genuinely touched. first of all, he’s saying ‘you’re my baby daddy’ as half-jensen, but not necessarily dean either(because he didn’t say the previous lines as true to his character...you get it), to misha, not cas. i think i’ve made this point before, but every single innuendo in the gag reels is to misha specifically, never once cas. therefore; logical conclusion: ‘you’re my baby daddy’ was for misha and it meant something deeper than we think because of what follows it

-this part. jensen’s giddy ass smile after he sees misha crack and then misha says ‘yeah, i know’ (can i just say his voice when he says this is so intimate???? like am i intruding guys??? sorry i’ll let myself out) also he is smiling SO BIG

- ‘i know’ ‘why are you laughing?’ ‘no i know i love you too’ this analysis is already so long but i still want to get into what THAT whole exchange means. ‘why are you laughing?’ to me sounds like jensen’s pretending to be affronted by misha laughing at something that is serious. and it’s serious because he quite literally meant ‘i love you’. he did. misha knows it. misha’s really REALLY good at cutting the bs and just getting to what people are actually trying to say. he has an innate sharpness to his sense of humour. so yes, misha is being 100% accurate when he says ‘i know, but you wanted to say it.’ misha isn’t lying here. jensen did want and mean to say ‘i love you’. and then he actually does say it(in a jokey way but not really).

- so yeah. it is actually so romantic??? like in a weird way jensen was professing his love for misha here?????? and that’s why this clip will NEVER. ever. get old.

3. jensen having trouble with pda and projecting onto dean: we can all call ourselves dean coded cas girls but NO one deserves that title more than jensen ackles himself. he is dean winchester but marginally less repressed because he actually did admit he was in love with his best friend and let himself be happy, and pretty early on too. one year and two months as opposed to twelve years. so. happy deancas au is correct. and yes about the pda thing: one day i want to write my own post about both of their body language when it comes to each other, but all i can tell is jensen, even in the early days, couldn’t help himself from flirting with misha, but if misha ever crossed a line, jensen would not be happy. clearly he’s come around, however. what i find sweet is that misha always follows jensen’s lead when it comes to how much affection they’re allowed to show each other onstage. it touches my soul

4. destiel is cockles fault. yeah. and the thing is everyone knows it, too. even non-cockles shippers will explain early destiel as entirely dependant on jensen and misha’s wild chemistry. and that chemistry is easily explained by the fact that misha and jensen are literally just wildly horny bisexuals who were crazily attracted to one another and were falling in love on screen before our very eyes. and when you have THAT insider info(which sounds cray doesn’t it!!!! the destiel actors are in love irl??? huh???) everything really does click into place. why destiel got SO popular when the show and actors never ever intended for it to happen.(i know some people think misha was playing cas as gay the whole time for shits and giggles, and i won’t deny that[especially considering he found out early on that destiel was why he was staying on the show], but i don’t think he really wanted it to amount to anything, nor did he care??? i mean he has the real thing with jensen, for one, so their characters aren’t really as important. for two, he loves joking about destiel because it’s a cultural phenomenon and it’s fascinating, and i’m sure he did ship it because he’s unhinged, but i don’t think it was vastly important to him either way.) destiel got popular because everyone was and is unintentionally reading into the real deal. i could pull up countless gifs that people have used as destiel proof that is actually just jensen and misha being messy. mainly jensen. if i’m being honest. the symbiotic relationship between destiel and cockles is why i’ve stayed onboard the destielcule and shellerscape for three solid months now; because it is utterly fascinating to witness and kind of super beautiful, too.

5. alma(and others). so. i do NOT want to really REALLY get into this in its entirety here and now so i will just give you my opinion on if i think alma is misha or not. also; i don’t want to mention the other poetry accounts here bc i feel like that’s a bigger breach in privacy, but a lot of people do know about alma now. way too many, actually. this is why we can’t have nice things. anyway-to answer your question-there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that yes, misha is running that alma poetry account. i am 100% certain. some people think it’s actually three people and they’re all connected to misha in some way but that is so needlessly complicated. as it goes in psychology; the easiest explanation is probably the right one. it’s just one person running that account, and it is misha collins. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe KNOWN POET misha collins(who is known to spend most of his free time writing poetry anyway) would have created a secret poetry account to write about his intense secret relationship under an alias and also get legitimate feedback since no one used to know it was him. oh and the handwriting is identical??? you are blind if you do not see that i am sorry. and a million other things prove it’s misha too but yeah all you need to know is yes. it’s him. it would take a literal livestream from a random woman on that account to convince me otherwise. and honestly not even that because a random woman could technically still log in if misha asked her too. so. it would take a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise, clearly. that said DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTT GO ONTO THAT ACCOUNT WITH A SUPERNATURAL RELATED USERNAME AND COMMENT THINGS THAT ARE COCKLES RELATED. ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S OKAY. sorry i got heated but god please just don’t be dumb so many people have already gone way too far

6. thank you for your lovely compliment on my analyses!!! i love doing them but i don’t know if people actually like reading them so i really appreciate it

#liz answers #cockles ask #mini analysis #spec #mine

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justallamaimaginingthings · 4 years

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Life And Death Part 1 {Klaus Hargreeves x Reader}

A/n: YOUR BITCH IS BACK Y'ALL. After countless sleepless nights, a couple panic attacks, exams and a hell of a year, I finally got accepted into university. I'm celebrating by watching Umbrella Academy and have fallen straight up in love with Klaus. Idk still if the blog will return to running the way it used to be, but I'll try my best to catch up. I've written some stuff while I was gone but everything's in Greek. However that gave me the idea to experiment with the third POV and I’d like to hear your opinion about it. This one was not requested so we have a female reader but I’d be happy to try writing for a male one as well, since according to Wikia Klaus is pansexual.

Words: 1900ish II TUA Masterlist

Part 1 II Part 2

“Maybe you should take a break, it's been almost an hour and it's not working” She broke the silence after yet another failed attempt to make real contact with him.

“No, I can do this” Klaus insisted, even though he could feel his tiredness threatening to get the best of him. Almost a year had passed since the first time his powers had allowed him to actually touch her and as time went by he was getting increasingly desperate to feel her again. Unfortunately for the both of them, his powers seemed to work on their own, as the ability to physically interact with spirits appeared under the strangest -if not most inconvenient- times possibly and disappeared soon after, leaving Klaus debating the control he possessed over himself even after a whole painful year of sobriety.

“I know you can do this Klaus, but working yourself to exhaustion isn't the way. You need to give it time” She explained softly and the affectionate tone in her voice caused a small smile to appear on the corner of his lips. Truth was that behind the collected and calm exterior she tried to show, she needed this to work just as bad as he did, if not even more. Making contact with an actual living human being was the first thing she had felt in years and it had almost made her feel alive again and the fact that said person was Klaus of all people was exhilarating.

“I've given it an entire year, how much more am I supposed to?” He asked with a disappointed sight, leaning back into the grass. For a moment his eyes travelled to her and he felt the same familiar feeling tugging at his heart strings. She had been the one to help him deal with the whole apocalypse disaster, having stuck with him through everything. During the last year she had been his anchor, helping him remain sober and gain better control over his powers and somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with her. He hadn't even realized it was happening, until one day it all came crushing down on him.

“This is going to sound crazy, but I have a theory” She said, startling him out of his thoughts and back to reality.

“In case you didn't notice, love, crazy is all I do” He answered playfully causing her to roll her eyes at him, even though she felt a shiver running down her spine at the sound of the nickname.

“Fair enough. I think your powers are connected with your emotions” She started but rushed to continue, upon seeing him raising an eyebrow “Hear me out. The first time it happened you were going through withdrawals. You were desperate and angry at yourself and somehow you channeled it to me. The next time you were having a panic attack and the time after that you were heartbroken over Dave. Every time there's a breakthrough you're experiencing something intense” She concluded and even though everything that had come out of her mouth was true, he couldn't help cringing at the reminder of all the low point of his life she had witnessed.

“Even if that makes sense-”

“Which it does” She interrupted with a confident smirk and now it was his turn to roll his eyes at her antics.

“Okay, but how does it help? What, am I supposed to keep hitting rock bottom in hopes it will be useful?” He asked with genuine curiosity, despite his clearly sarcastic comment that didn't seem to phase her. After all, if there was one person who could match Klaus' witty remarks, that was her.

“That's definitely not what I'm saying. I think you just have to stop ignoring your emotions. Instead of running from what you're feeling, try to let it sink in. Allow yourself to feel” She explained.

“That sounds like something sober me cannot handle” Klaus replied dismissively, trying to hide the spark of fear that lit up inside him at the prospect of having to face his demons once again but this time without the numbness drugs offered.

“Sober you is much stronger than you think, Klaus. Don't forget he got us through the damn apocalypse. However, if you're not comfortable with this you don't have to do this, it's just a theory” The way she looked at him was so intense and without even noticing she extended her arm towards him, reaching out to hold his hand but retreating the moment she realized it. Seeing him doubt himself like this pained her every time and she constantly tried to show him how much she believed in him hoping that one day she could get him to believe in himself.

For a moment his eyes flickered at the movement of her hand as he understood what she had in mind. His first instinct was to reach for her, but he fought against it, sparing himself the heart wrenching disappointment of being unable to get what he so desperately needed. Her words were enough to shake him to the core, proving once again the insane trust she had in him, a trust he felt he didn't deserve but at the same time made a warm feeling flush in his chest. He knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for her and the thought of letting her down was unbearable.

“Oh, screw it” He exclaimed taking a deep breath “It's not like I haven't been through worse. Okay how do I do this?”

“I'm not sure. Try to think of a moment or a person that's tied to intense feelings, positive ones preferably, and focus on those feelings, use them as a source of power. Maybe closing your eyes could help” She suggested, impressed they had even gotten this far. Klaus was a very closed off person when it came to emotions, always trying to suppress whatever he was feeling and knowing all that he's been through she couldn't blame him.

He got up and after taking another deep breath he closed his eyes. At first the only thing he could perceive was the voices of the dead calling to him, but he managed to push them away as he brought her picture in mind. In the beginning he imagined her warm smile and vibrating laugh that usually followed one of his sarcastic remarks, sending shivers down his spine and making him feel proud of himself.

Then he turned to the day she had helped him calm down after yet another one of his hellish nightmares. He could still feel her feathery soft touch on his shoulders as she hugged him close and whispered words of encouragement in his ear. That night, and all the rest that followed, she had been his anchor and he hung onto her as tightly as he could. He could never forget the way she had looked at him as she promised he wouldn't have to be alone any more.

Finally, following her directions, he focused on everything she made him feel. He brought in mind all those times his heart would skip a beat at the sight of her and the unprecedented longing he felt nestle in his chest and threaten to suffocate him with every passing day he had to endure without her touch. There was pure affection and burning passion, all swirling around his head and for the first time he gave in, allowing them to consume him.

The feeling of her fingertips softly tracing his cheek made him open his eyes. She was standing in front of him, a wide smile on her lips as she gently caressed the side of his face and his breath caught at his throat the moment his eyes met hers.

“It worked” He exclaimed breathlessly, leaning into her touch as a small sigh escaped his lips. Slowly he brought his hand up to grasp hers and lower them back down between them after pressing a fleeting kiss on her palm that made her whole body shudder.

“I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you” She beamed at him and softly squeezed his hand. It had been so long since the last time she had been able to feel him that every touch felt electrifying, sending chills down her spine.

For a moment they stayed like that, staring deep into each other's eyes and it took everything she had not to jump into his arms. She wanted more than anything to pull him close and feel the warmth of his body against hers, but she was afraid to push him too far, knowing he didn't have complete control over this new power yet.

The same thought was torturing him, but being his reckless self he decided he couldn't hold back any longer. His hand left hers and rose to caress her cheek as his fingertips shakingly traced her jaw. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but his throat suddenly felt dry and he couldn't find the right words, or any words, to express how deep his emotions run.

“Can I- Can I kiss you?” He asked hoarsely, terrified time would run out on them. Time seemed to freeze as she turned to look at him with wide eyes, finding herself in a loss of words. Instead, she let her eyes flutter close as she leaned in with tantalizingly slow movements, until their faces were inches apart and his hot breath was hitting her. His lips parted in desire and his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest as her hands traveled from his biceps to his shoulders and then wrapped around his neck.

“What are you waiting for?” She whispered against his lips and that was all he needed to hear. Almost instinctively, his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest right before his lips crashed into hers. His eyes shut in bliss as he felt her tangle her fingers in his hair only to hold him closer.

At first the kiss was slow and sensual as they explored each other, but it didn’t take long until desperation got the best of them and soon enough their movements became needy and feverish. She nipped on his lower lip and Klaus couldn't help the groan that escaped him as he melted under her touch. One of his hands found its way on the back of her neck and he decided to deepen the kiss. He tasted like nicotine and was just as addictive making her feel like she could never let him go. Her skin seemed to light on fire under the slightest of his touch and the way his soft lips were moving against her felt like heaven.

Klaus could feel control slipping away from him with every passing moment and he surrendered to her touch, unaware of the stream of blue light that had almost encircled the two of them. When the lack of oxygen became too much she hesitantly pulled away without leaving his embrace. Looking at him through half-lidded eyes, she could see the affectionate and dared she say loving look he was giving her, sending a shiver down her spine. He looked disheveled with an adorable smile gracing his swollen lips and she couldn’t help reciprocating the action as she continued playing with his curly locks.

"I think I'm in love with you"

To be continued...

Tags: @twigleektribute23 💘💘

A/n: Y’all can always message me if you wish to be tagged in anything specific (fic or character or whatev), it always brightens my day!

#tua #tua klaus #the umbrella academy #tua imagine #tua x reader #the umbrella academy imagine #klaus hargreeves #klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves x you #klaus hargreeves imagine

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songsoomin · 4 years

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Begin Again Part 1 (A, F)

Word count: Around 10k

Idol! Jongho x Fem Reader, Best friend! Hongjoong. Reader has serious body confidence issues due to a past relationship but Jongho will help her through it. First two chapters will be angst with some fluff but a little smut will appear in chapter 3.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, both emotional and psychological, body shaming, anxiety issues.

Authour’s note: Reader is overweight but not as massive as she thinks she is. She has been conditioned through psychological abuse to believe she is very fat and unattractive. This is not intended to be the kind of story where reader becomes thin and is then happy and gets male attention (although, due to reader’s warped sense of self she does equate being thin with being happy). Even after losing some weight (for her own health and happiness) she is still somewhat overweight and curvy but the more important part is that she gets her confidence back and that is what makes her happier and more attractive.

Part 2 Part 3

Posted 16th October 2020

This was a bad idea, you were sure of it. Meeting new people never worked out well for you and you could already feel the anxiety creeping up on you. But Hongjoong was with you, he had told you he'd look after you and you trusted him - not something that came easily to you, these days. Still, the little voice in your head kept telling you you were stupid to think anyone would like you.

As you both approached the restaurant you froze, pulling him to a stop with you.

"Hongjoong...I'm not sure I can do this." You looked at him, clearly nervous.

"Y/N. I know it's a lot of people to meet at once but they're the best bunch of guys you could ever meet - and I'll be here with you the whole time."

"Okay." You were still skeptical that they would like you - great guys or not. The problem wasn't them...it was you.

In school Hongjoong had been one of your closest friends but you fell out of touch with him when your lives started taking different paths. Looking back at the last few years you had actually lost touch with almost every friend you had - a byproduct of the toxic relationship you had been in - and now your self-esteem was so low that it felt too scary for you to make any new ones.

You had run into Hongjoong while shopping some months ago and he had asked you to have a coffee with him. He could see you were very different to how he remembered you and asked how you had been. It was a particularly difficult time for you and you couldn't keep it all in anymore. You broke down in front of him, frantically apologising for burdening him with all this. You were sure he was going to think you were crazy and you'd never hear from him again...but he stuck around. He kept texting, asking you to meet just to make sure you were okay and, gradually, he pursuaded you that you deserved better than how you were being treated. That your boyfriend was abusing you...even if he wasn't physically hurting you. It was psychological and emtional. You had lived walking on eggshells all the time - what was fine one day would cause him to get angry and lash out at you the next - or to spend days ignoring you completely. You never knew what to do or say to please him. Hongjoong helped you gain the strength to leave him and promised to help you start afresh.

So here he was, trying to get you back out into the world and make some friends because, if left to your own devices, the depression would make you sit inside your flat all alone, convincing you not to try in case you get hurt again.

The restaurant wasn't too crowded, which was good because you weren't comfortable around lots of people. Your red-haired best friend led you to a big table occupied by seven of the most attractive men you had ever seen and you froze up again.

You don't belong here.

The mean voice in your head taunted you.

Look at these guys...they're perfect and you're just...well, a fat mess.

You tried to ignore the voice as Hongjoong introduced you to all of them,

"Guys, this is my friend Y/N that I told you about. Y/N this is...." He reeled off all their names but you knew you wouldn't remember them all. You just tried to match names to the various hair colours, hoping it would be easier that way. They all greeted you warmly, Hongjoong pulled a chair out for you next to the big, blue haired one - Yunho - and sat on your other side. He was right, they were all very friendly and a few of them very loud.

"Y/N, how old are you? Can I talk comfortably?" You think the one who asked this was called Wooyoung, he was the loudest by far. Cute, with short black hair, parted in the middle but it had a dark bluish tinge in the light. His laugh was so high-pitched you thought your ear drums would burst before the end of the meal.

"What do you do, Y/N? Do you work or go to college?" Seonghwa was next, he was so attractive you almost forgot how to form coherent sentences. Big, dark eyes, a beautiful smile and darkish-blonde hair that almost covered his eyes. He seemed the most mature of the lot and looked a bit intense sometimes - he was a little intimidating, really.

"What kind of music do you listen to? What kind of fashion do you like? Your trainers are really cool." The big one with brown hair threw questions at you next. He was dressed really well so you guessed he must like clothes a lot. He was big, like Yunho but he didn't look so friendly, at first. You thought he might be a bit cold when he was just sitting there but when he smiled it lit up his face. He was easily the cutest, despite his size.

"I'm not into clothes much...I just wear whatever, really."

Yeah, whatever you can find to fit you - which isn't much. You look awful in everything.

I mean, he has eyes...he can see how fat you are. Does he really think you can wear the new fashions in the shops? They're all made for skinny girls, after all.

You tried your best to block out the voice because you knew he was just being friendly but the voice was always there reminding you how awful you were. Making you feel even worse.

Even before you had become withdrawn you had never been outgoing - always shy and only talking to people once they'd spoken to you first - but now outgoing people were so opposite to you they actually made you feel a little uncomfortable and you couldn't help shying away from them.

Hongjoong recognised it - probably because you were clinging on to his sleeve - and asked them to tone it down.

"Guys...stop bombarding Y/N with so many questions. You really are a bit too much sometimes." He chided, although affectionately.

They got the message and switched to general conversation after a chorus of sorries. You calmed a bit once you weren't the centre of attention, just enjoying their chatter and the way they were with each other. They had a closeness you'd never experienced yourself with friends. You had been good friends with Hongjoong but, as far as girlfriends went, you'd always felt left on the outside.

You'd had some bad experiences and knew that girls could be very mean. In the past some had pretended to like you but talked shit about you behind your back. Sometimes you'd feel you were left out on purpose - once even listening to girlfriends plan a night out, knowing you were there but not inviting you. These kind of things happened more than once, with different groups, so in the end you decided it was you. You must be unlikeable in some way. It was after that you became friends with Hongjoong and his friends in the last two years of school, prefering the honesty of boys. They weren't usually two-faced and bitchy like the girls. In your experience, if a boy didn't like you he would either tell you or show it in some other way.

That was why you had agreed to come out with Hongjoong today, you felt more comfortable with boys and you knew he was a good judge of character. If this had been a table of girls you'd have been way too scared to come...and god knows what that voice would be saying to you now. Most of the girls he knew were idols like him - and it was fair to say you were on the larger side - so the inferiority complex you'd develop sitting with girls that thin and pretty didn't bear thinking about.

Despite your discomfort you were truly enjoying being with the group and litening to their stories and friendly jibes. It's hard being around a group of friends who have a long history because they will talk about their shared experiences but they were all kind enough to explain the stories to you and include you as much as they could. You appreciated their kindness.

They're probabbly getting sick of you by now...having to explain everything. You're just an incovenience to everyone. I bet they wish you weren't here.

The waiter came over to take the order and you asked for a diet Pepsi.

"Diet?" Yeah, right. They're probably laughing at you for ordering a diet when you look like you don't even know the meaning of the word. One look at you and they can see you don't do 'diet' anything.

The voice was often stronger in your mind when you were already anxious or in an uncomfortable situation. Right now it was really being mean. You also ordered something relatively light and healthy to eat and that spurred the voice on more.

Really? You know they can see you, right? They won't think you usually eat this way. You're not that fat because you've been eating salads.

You tried your best to drown it out and just listen to the guys' chatter again. You knew you'd probably still be hungry after so you'd eat back at home.

Yeah...too much. Like always.

You knew in your heart that they wouldn't think you ate that healthily normally but you didn't like eating in front of others. Other peope judged you for how you looked, what you ate. You'd rather they inwardly laughed at you for trying to pretend you were healthy than look at a fat girl eating junk food and be more disgusted.

The thought brought back old memories of the daily nagging your ex subjected you to...

"Y/N? Do you really think you should be eating that? You eat far too much."

"When are you going to start losing some weight?"

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

"A salad would probably be better for you than that."

"I just think you should get rid of that dress. It makes you look awful."

"I'm not trying to upset you but I just want you to be as attractive and beautiful as you used to be. Everyone knows fat isn't sexy."

He never outright called you names or said things anyone would consider insulting so it was difficult to see that what he was doing was emotional abuse. What he did was gradually strip you of any shred of self-confidence. Everyday the things he said were carefully designed to remind you that you weren't as thin as you were when you met him and therefore you weren't good enough. There were certain clothes he disliked because they didn't flatter your size as well as others and if you wore any of those he would withold hugs and affection. You could see him purposefully not looking in your direction anytime you were changing because seeing you naked was so repulsive to him. But he didn't leave you to find someone better. He carried on gradually demeaning you, trying to force you into becoming what he wanted you to be. He thought if he made you feel bad enough, you would eat better and go to the gym but it didn't work that way. Your self-worth became so wrapped up in what you looked like that you began hating yourself. You couldn't go to the gym because people would laugh at you. You stopped going on nights out with friends because you hated how you looked in everything you owned and didn't want people looking at you. Laughing because the fat girl thought she could make herself look good by putting on some make up and a nice dress. It was logical to think that if you didn't like your weight you could just eat better but the depression kept you down and just made you eat more. A vicious circle. The more you ate the more you hated yourself until you just got used to it. You might have got rid of him but the voice remained, constantly demeaning and mocking you.

You were close to tears now but didn't want to embarrass yourself further so you made an excuse to leave the table.

"Joong, I'm just going to the bathroom."

"Okay." You'd learned in the previous months that Hongjoong could always see through you but everyone was around so he didn't comment on it. He knew you wouldn't want anyone else to see you were upset. You appreciated his sensitivity but how he also wouldn't let you bottle things up until they were really hurting you too much. You knew it was his mature and caring nature that made him perfect as the group's leader.

You calmed yourself down and went back out before anyone would wonder why you'd been gone too long.

You think anyone but Hongjoong would even notice you were gone?

When you got back to the table they were all still engrossed in conversation but Hongjoong lightly squeezed your hand under the table and Yunho broke off to talk to you. A few seats away another boy smiled at you shyly, noticing your return. You hadn't spoken to him directly and he seemed one of the quietest of the group. He had light brown hair and a cute smile. You wouldn't have thought he was the youngest because he was a bit stockier than the rest and seemed more mature than Wooyoung and Mingi but he called each of them 'Hyung' so you guessed he must be. In any event, he had seemed to notice when you returned so maybe the voice wasn't always right. You felt hopeful but you also knew how quickly hopes could be crushed. You guessed you'd just have to see how this went.

As the meal went on you really were enjoying yourself but couldn't get rid of the fear of judgement completely, despite how nice they seemed. You felt so self-conscious as you ate in front of them that you took tiny bites and didn't even finish it all. You noticed the same boy - who you'd now learned was called Jongho - looking over at you every now and then and it made you feel a bit anxious.

He's probably judging you. He's clearly very fit and active, whereas, you get no exercise and clearly eat too much...what must he think?

You tried your best to shove it to the back of your mind and enjoy the afternoon.

You had had fun but were glad once you got home, where you could relax and know no one was watching or judging you. You went to the freezer and took out a full tub of ice cream, ready to eat the whole thing by yourself. Food used to comfort you - something you'd learned a long time ago and had now become a habit - but these days you didn't get the same feeling. Eating had become robotic, almost. You picked up food even when you weren't really hungry and, although you still enjoyed the taste and the action of eating, you couldn't say you paid much attention anymore and the whole tub would be gone before you knew it. You thought it might be like drugs, where you needed more all the time to get the same fix. Or maybe it was just that you'd had to disassociate from your feelings that you didn't get the same pleasure you once got because inside you were actually ashamed of yourself and, as long as you weren't feeling anything, you wouldn't feel that either.

You did want to change because, if nothing else, you knew overeating wasn't healthy. It wasn't that you thought people needed to be thin to be beautiful because you knew beauty was subjective and came in all forms but you knew you were much happier in yourself when you were slimmer. How much of that was due to the mistreatment from your ex-boyfriend, it was impossible to know. Maybe if he had embraced you as you were you could be happy at whatever size without hating yourself but it was done now.

You weren't completely sure why you felt ashamed of yourself because you never judged other people for not being thin. You could only imagine that it was another side-effect of the emotional abuse. He was always gaslighting...making it seem like it was your fault.

“I'm only trying to help...don't you want to look good?”

"You know how unhappy it makes me. Don't you care about saving our relationship? If you did you'd be down at the gym doing something about it."

If you ever tried to point out how his behaviour made you feel or how he could change how he treated you so you were happier together he just turned it back on you.

"I'm not the one who needs to change. The only problem in our relationship is your size so it's you that needs to fix it."

Deep down you knew that wasn't true, though. His behaviour wasn't right and shaming someone was not an incentive for self-improvement. On the contrary, it only made you eat more but now you did it in secret where you couldn't be seen and, therefore, couldn't be judged. At least until they could see the results of your overeating.

********

A few days later you and Hongjoong were watching a few more episodes of the Netflix drama you'd started together in your apartment. You'd just finished the second and were having a break to get more drinks before beginning the third when he seemed to remember something.

"Oh, Y/N! I forgot to tell you...the guys all said they like you. Said it was nice to meet someone new, for a change."

You leaned back against the kitchen side, abandoning the hunt for drinks for a moment, "What do you mean?"

"Well...we get so few chances to meet anyone who isn't part of our industry or who isn't a fan." Hongjoong continued on, lifting himself up onto the opposite counter-top. "The people in our industry are like us where they don't get to do much real-life stuff so mostly we end up talking about idol life and work. We adore our fans and love getting to meet them but it is still a big part of being an idol so it's nice when we meet someone not linked to that at all."

"Really?" You asked. You liked hearing about Hongjoong's life but never pressed him for too much information. He did talk about it but was usually more concerned with how you were doing. You'd never pressed him too much about being an idol because you wanted him to be able to be himself with you and talk about whatever he wanted.

"Yeah, it's nice for us to have friends who we can talk to about other things and get some time to switch off from work. That's probably why they bombarded you with questions the other day." He laughed thinking about it and you had to join in. Hongjoong had such a bright smile that it made you happy just seeing it. You knew he used a lot of his free time trying to help you mend yourself and you had worried he'd get sick of your drama but it felt like a relief to know he liked the distraction.

He'll get sick of you one day. He may be helping you now but he'll soon realise you're not worth it.

"I really liked meeting them, too. It was a bit overwhelming at first but they seemed just as nice as you said they were. Thanks, Joong, I had fun for once." You smiled at your red-haired best friend, still sitting up on the counter.

"They liked you, too...they even suggested I bring you over to the dorm sometime."

"They liked me? I thought they'd have seen how boring I am. I'm too quiet and shy."

Hongjoong sighed, "Y/N...you are a wonderful person and being shy doesn't make you boring. You're different to the other kinds of people we know and that is refreshing."

You looked down at your hands awkwardly, not used to hearing anything good about yourself from anyone but your parents and they had to say nice things about you - they were biased.

"It's understandable that you're reserved around new people given what you've been through. That arsehole made you feel like you're not worth anything and you've nothing to offer anyone but it's just not true. I've got to know you again and once you let me in I could see how great you are. You're funny and caring and they'll see it soon, as well, if you let them."

"Stop it Joong, you know how uncomfortable compliments make me." You said, blushing.

Hongjoong hopped down from the counter and slung an arm around your shoulder, "That's because you don't believe any of it yet and I'm not going to stop until you do."

"Thanks, Joong...I don't know where I'd be without you."

********

You stood outside the door to the boys' dorm, anxiety flaring. Slowly you took some deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself. Hongjoong had told you they had liked you and wanted to see you again but you still doubted it.

Over time you had come to believe that people never really liked you - you weren't worth it. You were too quiet and boring, not attractive enough so what did you really have to offer? Thinking this way meant that you had trouble believing Hongjoong even though you knew he was a good person and wouldn't lie to you. He could've been mistaken, though.

They probably just told him they liked you because you're his friend and they didn't want to hurt his feelings.

But he said they had suggested I come over...so that can't be true. You told the nasty voice in your head and hoped you were right. Finally feeling a little more calm you knocked timidly on the door.

Jeez...even your knock is boring.

You heard a small comotion on the other side of the door before you heard the click of the door opening.

"Guys, stop crowding! She doesn't want you all in her face straight away."

As Hongjoong opened the door with a sigh you saw three of his members standing behind him looking excited and you had to laugh a little. Thankfully you remembered their names - Yunho was easy because he had blue hair and you remembered San and Wooyoung as they had been the ones to talk to you most at the restaurant.

"Hi." You felt a little overwhelmed again but not as much as last time. True, it was a new environment and those added to your anxiety but the three guys seemed genuinely pleased to see you again so you felt much more comfortable already.

"Hi, Y/N!" Hongjoong greeted you with a hug, then, turning to the other three commanded,

"Guys...give Y/N some room to breathe before you attack her."

San looked slightly forlorn, like a small child who's dad just told him he couldn't go out to play yet and you smiled because he just looked so cute.

Wooyoung, however, ignored Hongjoong completely.

"Y/N, what kind of pizza topping do you like? We're ordering a bunch for all of us."

"Uh, I like Hawaiian best."

"Yes! I knew someone else but me must like pineapple on pizza."

The tall brown haired one, Mingi you thought, yelled from his spot on the sofa with a tone that said 'I told you so' to the others.

"Fine," Wooyoung replied, "You and Y/N can share that one and the rest of us will get the usual order."

Mmmm, pizza. That'll help you to not be a massive fat cow. The voice chimed in sarcastically and you sighed.

"Are you okay?" Yunho asked, bringing you out of your own thoughts.

"Oh...yeah, I'm fine."

"Let's get you a drink. We got Pepsi, Fanta, juice...."

You followed Yunho to the kitchen while he carried on talking to you and asking how you had been. He was really easy to talk to and, although he seemed like he could be quite hyper and chaotic - especially with Mingi, as you witnessed at the restaurant - he also seemed to have a more perceptive side, like he could read how people were feeling. You appreciated how he was chatting with you more calmly, without making you feel overwhelmed by attention.

You made your way into the living area of their dorm and looked around. Not all the boys had been there to greet you when you came in, which was good as it meant you didn't have the focus of eight people on you all at once.

Yeosang, the quietest of the group, was sitting on the couch by Mingi and he smiled and said "Hi." when you came over and took a seat on the other couch. Mingi, happy to have found someone who let him order pineapple pizza started chatting to you, asking if you wanted to watch a movie or play games first. They seemed to have the evening planned out but it was nice he was asking what you wanted to do - it made you feel included.

Seonghwa was getting snacks together in the kitchen and when he brought them out to the living room the boys all descended on him like they were starving. He tutted, grumbling about how uncivilised they were but you could see the affection he held for them. Hongjoong had told you Seonghwa was the oldest so you presumed he took on more of a caring role like Joong did.

Jongho was the last to enter, coming from down the hall where their bedrooms must be. He paused slightly when he saw you there and gave you a small smile. You weren't really sure what that meant. He didn't seem as pleased to see you as the others but didn't seem unhappy either...more awkward, maybe. Hongjoong had been trying to help you stop and think through the negative thoughts you had and to actively think kinder thoughts about yourself so you tried not to think it was anything personal, like you normally would. Maybe Jongho was just awkward around new people like you were.

As you were contemplating that you reached for your drink on the coffee table, completely missing the target but managing to knock the glass over, spilling all the liquid inside over the table and the floor.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll get something to wipe it up!"

You rushed frantically to the kitchen looking for paper towels or a cloth to clean the spill but Seonghwa was already on the case and getting everything he needed for the job.

"It's okay, Y/N, I'll get it."

"I should clean it, it was my fault." You mentally kicked yourself for not being careful enough.

"You're our guest, it's fine. Don't worry." Seonghwa said with a kind smile.

A memory of your ex looking at you with disgust played through your mind...

"You're so useless. You can't do anything right.”

"I'm sorry, it was just an accident."

"It's only ever me who cares about keeping this place clean - you just go around messing things up. You'd probably be just as happy living in a pigsty. At least that would suit you more."

You must've looked like you were on the verge of an anxiety attack as Hongjoong came over and placed his arm around your shoulders.

"It's okay, Y/N. Breathe."

"I'm sorry, Joong. I should've been more careful. I'm just so clumsy."

"Y/N..." He faced you with a hand on each of your shoulders and looked you straight in the eye, "No one is upset about this. It happens, don't worry."

Seonghwa was already done cleaning up the spill and wiping the area down with a wet cloth so it didn't get sticky. He smiled as he passed you on his way back to the kitchen. You peeked past Hongjoong to the others and no one looked angry or annoyed at your clumsiness...just a little confused at the exchange between Hongjoong and yourself.

They're probably wondering what kind of crazy person they've let into their dorm by now.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." You moved quickly to avoid the curious gaze of the others while Hongjoong called out,

"It's the last door on the left."

Once locked in the bathroom you sat on the lid of the toilet, head in your hands and trying not to let all the panic take over you. You thought it might help to splash cold water on your face except you had make up on.

It doesn't help, though. You might look slightly better with make up on but you'll still look ugly.

At least that's what the voice tells you each time you try to make yourself look more presentable. You might not think you're that attractive in make up but you sure as hell know you look like crap without it.

"Aren't you going to wear make up today?"

"We're only going to see your mother...I'm sure she doesn't care if I don't have any make up on."

"It doesn't seem like you care about how you look either."

That was just one of the many snide comment your ex would make if you didn't feel like wearing make up every now and then. Comments that let you know that he would only find you acceptable with make up and nice clothes.

Sometimes it was something like, "Well, if you don't want to make an effort for me..." that made you feel like you didn't love him enough, that you didn't care if he was happy with you. You'd always end up either going back to put on make up to make him happy or spending the day with him virtually ignoring you just so you knew just how displeased he was with how you looked.

You took a few deep breaths and sighed, forcing yourself up and out the bathroom because it wouldn't do any good to hide in here. That would make them all think you really were a crazy mess.

You paused as you walked down the hall upon hearing one of the guys ask, "Is Y/n okay? Her reaction to spilling her drink was a bit...odd."

"Uh...it's not really my place to say but...it's because of her ex. He wasn't good to her. In fact, he was quite cruel a lot of the time."

There was a pause as you listened but then noises of disgust came from some the boys.

"Oh my god!"

"What a bastard!"

"But she's so sweet...how could he do that?"

"I know." Hongjoong said, "She's come a long way but don't bring it up, please. I don't want her more upset."

You smiled, Hongjoong was the one who was so sweet. He really was your rock and the only one you'd ever really opened up to about it all. Your parents knew your ex wasn't always good to you but you hadn't wanted to upset them by telling them how badly he treated you. Whenever you had been around them or his parents he had been the master of pretending your relationship was great and showing how much he 'loved' you.

As you walked back into sight, the guys went back to chatting or looking at their phones. Mingi and Jongho were arguing over what movie to watch. Jongho wanted horror but Mingi was outright refusing.

Only Joong and Seonghwa took notice of your return as you walked over to them in the kitchen.

"Sorry for making you clean up my mess, Seonghwa."

Seonghwa looked at you with a smile - he really was painfully attractive.

"Y/N...Joong and I live with six massive children. You think these boys aren't constantly making a mess for me to clean up?"

"Okay, I suppose..." You laughed, "...but I'm still sorry that I made you."

"It's nothing, really."

Seonghwa quietly exited the kitchen, leaving you alone with your best friend.

"You okay now?" He asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Just my normal reaction to messing up."

"You don't have to live like that anymore, Y/N." You felt Hongjoong's arms wrap around you comfortingly. "It was his reactions that weren't normal. No one deserves to be made to feel like shit every day and certainly not over silly things like a spilled drink or forgetting to put something away."

You let out a big breath and relaxed into Hongjoong's embrace. Once he felt you had calmed down properly he spoke again.

"Do you wanna go join the guys again? The pizza must almost be here."

********

"You can't do that, Woo!" You exclaimed.

"I can! I've always played like that." the dark-haired boy retorted.

"That is not how you play. I'm not having it." You replied, setting your cards down and picking your phone up to Google the official rules of Uno.

"Y/N, I've been trying to tell him this for six years but we always end up arguing." Yeosang said wearily.

"Yeah." Yunho added, "That's why we never play Uno anymore."

You found the official Uno page and read over the rules until you found what you were after.

"When a person places this card the next player will have to pick up two cards and forfeit their turn." You read word-for-word off the screen. "You have to pick up two cards. You can't just put another plus two card and make me pick up four!"

"Well...that's not how I play." Wooyoung replied stubbornly but you could be just as stubborn.

"Okay then...I just won't play with you if you cheat."

Wooyoung gasped dramatically at the implication of cheating while the others all laughed at your childish interaction.

It felt so good having fun for a change. Spending time with people who seemed to genuinely like you and have fun with you, too. People who weren't constantly looking out for any mistakes you made so they could make you feel like shit.

You'd spent quite a few evenings at the dorm with Hongjoong and the boys and you were slowly starting to relax around them - enough to start arguing over game rules, certainly, but you still had a lot of doubt. Despite your last relationship you still had a tendency to trust too easily because you were desperate for warmth and friendship. The voice in your head had taken the place of your ex, constantly telling you you weren't good enough, that no one could ever want you, you weren't funny or pretty or interesting in any way. So, even though it had the potential to destroy all the progress you'd made so far, you felt yourself trusting them more and more because they seemed so nice and kind. They appeared to accept you for who you were and not judge your looks or size. Laughing at how you and Woo were playfully arguing it appeared like they really liked having you around. You just hoped the voice was wrong and you weren't setting yourself up for more pain when you found out they were just pretending to like you for Hongjoong's sake.

********

You were sitting on the couch in the boys' dorm for another evening of a Netflix series and pizza - Yeosang and Jongho had won the battle this time, it was a horror and Mingi was not happy. Despite your original impression of him being big and intimidating he was actually just a big baby who loved affection just as much as you and right now he was holding on to your hand and squeezing his eyes shut every time the music that signalled something bad was about to happen started playing. You couldn't blame him, though, you were holding his hand just as tight and watching the tv through half-closed eyes so you could shut them quicker if something scary did appear on the screen. Your best friend, Hongjoong, was sitting on your other side, hand lightly resting on your leg in a comforting way because he knew you didn't like scary programmes.

"I still enjoy the storylines even if they do scare me." You'd told him after the episode ended, when he asked you why you still wanted to watch them.

"Do you want the last slice, Y/N?" Mingi asked, holding up the pizza box from the Hawaiian you'd shared again.

"I really shouldn't." You sighed, "You have it."

"What do you mean?" The tall brown-haired boy asked, confused.

"Well..it's alright for you guys to eat a lot because you all dance all day and work it off. You don't get fat from it. I'm just getting bigger and bigger so I need to lose some weight."

"That's stupid." San said, matter-of-factly, "There's nothing wrong with how you are."

You knew San meant well and didn't judge you but when he said 'how you are' it just cemented in your head that 'how you were' wasn't good at all. It was the same as being told you look good 'for your size' - if you weren't overweight he would surely have just said there's nothing wrong with you.

"Thanks, San but I don't feel like I'm fine like this." You said feeling awkward as everyone was looking at you now.

"I can teach you to dance, if you like. It's really good exercise." Yunho offered.

You know their practice room is upstairs, right? You'd probably go through the floor. The voice in your head mocked you.

"You do not want to see me trying to dance." You grimaced at the thought of your clumsy, uncoordinated body lumbering around a practice room.

"You could always come to the gym with me." Jongho said.

It surprised you as Jongho didn't usually talk to you that much and your face must have shown your surprise as he quickly added on, "If you want to, I mean."

From the corner of your eye you saw Wooyoung and Yeosang share a look and smirk and you couldn't help but wonder what that meant. Were they laughing at the thought of you exercising...or how you'd look in gym clothes? You didn't think on it too long, though as Jongho was still waiting, looking awkward.

"I guess?" You answered, except it came out more like a question. "I don't think I'll be very good at it, though. I've never really been to a proper gym."

"That's no problem..." the youngest said excitedly, "I can coach you."

"I don't want to use up all your time, though. You must have other things you want to do and you guys don't get a lot of time off."

"Don't worry, Y/N," Hongjoong told you, "Jongho spends most of his time off at the gym anyway."

"Well...okay then. When do we start?"

********

You stood looking at yourself in the mirror, sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt left over from your last failed attempt at losing weight through exercise. You didn't like the way you looked but there was only one way to change that so you would just have to suck it up and go.

On getting to the gym doors you stopped to take a deep breath. It surely wouldn't be that bad but you couldn't help but worry in case people judged you or laughed at you. It didn't make sense for people to laugh because you were at least there making an effort but you'd seen your fair share of larger people being laughed at for exercising and trying to get fitter but you'd long ago realised that people were cruel. You'd be mocked for being bigger but mocked even more for trying to change it.

At least Jongho would be there to support you... Unless... the voice in your head started...

You don't know him that well...what if he thinks it's funny, too? What if he stands you up and you're left here looking stupid all alone? He might even -

'STOP IT!' You shouted silently at the voice in your head, 'You can't keep making me feel this way! Jongho wouldn't have offered to help if he was going to be mean...Hongjoong's friends aren't like that.

You were going to have to overcome this voice if you were ever going to be able to accept yourself and be happy. You knew that but it was easier said than done because these were all your thoughts about yourself and how people thought of you. If someone like your ex was being cruel and saying derogatory things about you, you could cut them out of your life and their voice would be gone but when it's your own 'voice' degrading you...how do you cut your own cruelty out of your life?

You cut that train of thought short as you could see Jongho inside the gym - surrounded by a vast array of intimidating looking machines - and you didn't want to keep him waiting. This wasn't the time for an personal crisis. It was the time, however, to force yourself through those doors and try to take the first steps towards liking yourself again.

"...five...four...three...two...one. You did it!" Jongho exclcimed happily, grinning at you. You were exhausted already because you just weren't used to this type of activity and you knew you were gonna feel it in the morning.

You and Jongho had only done twenty minutes on the treadmill before he had you using the weights. The machines had looked scary and complicated to you but he assured you he would do all the prep work and help you position yourself right. He helped you test out how much you could lift without causing damage as your muscles weren't used to the strain but he said he didn't want it to feel too easy or there would be no benefit.

"Are you sure I shouldn't be using the cardio machines if I need to lose weight?" You asked Jongho uncertainly, "I don't want to build myself up."

"No." The light brown-haired boy answered sounding very sure of himself, "Too much cardio won't help. You need to stress your muscled to make them kick into burning fat effectively. You won't build lots of muscle because you won't be lifting that much and we'll just be doing short high intensity bursts on each different machine but you will tone up."

You looked at him in awe of his knowledge, Hongjoong must be right, Jongho must spend a lot of time here. You looked over his physique as he was talking to you, he was just in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt but it was enought to hint at the muscled he had underneath that were usually hidden under his normal clothes. You could see that Jongho had a bigger build than the others but you'd not been able to see how well-defined it was before now.

"You'll need to do some cardio before and after, of course, as your warm-up and cool-down or you could damage your muscles...and you don't want that because it could put you out of action for a while and you'll have to build your fitness back up again."

"Oh, okay. Well, you seem to really know what you're doing so just tell me what I have to do and I'll do it."

He seemed pleased at your assessment of his knowledge because he smiled, allbeit with a slight blush - maybe you'd embarrassed him a little. It occurred to you that this was probably the longest you'd ever spoken to Jongho for so maybe it was just the slight awkwardness that still lingered between the two of you.

"Good, then get yourself settled into the bicep curl and we'll continue with your arms."

********

"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...five...four-"

"Hey!" You cried, "You can't do that!"

"Do what?" Jongho asked innocently.

"You can't go back to five when I just got to one...it's not fair!"

Your 'instructor' laughed a little, "It's a standard training technique. You've been doing so well over the last month that I wanted to increase your reps but if I say do fifteen from the start you'd think it too much."

"I would." You agreed.

"But...if I just add another few on while you're already working you'll just continue - well, that's what most trainers find works." He gave you a questioning look and you wondered what he was thinking.

He's thinking you're a lazy, fat cow who can't see hard work through.

'That's not true!' You answered the nasty voice in your head silently, 'I have been working hard.'

"Okay, I'll try." You we're skeptical but you really wanted to show him you could try hard.

Jongho smiled at you and you couldn't help but want to do your best when he flashed you his cute, gummy grin.

"Great, let's go again! Ten..."

********

Your muscles were so tight the next day after Jongho had increased the workload and you groaned lightly as you shifted position on the couch in the boys' dorm.

"You okay, Y/N?" Hongjoong wondered as he heard you grumbling to yourself.

"Oh, it's just my legs. Jongho made me work harder yesterday and my muscles are really achy." You looked over to see said boy looking a bit sheepish.

"I'm really good at deep muscle massages." Jongho was already next to you by the time he'd finished his sentence and reaching for you. Alarm bells instantly went off in your head - you didn't want him to touch you. It was enough that he saw you sweating and looking less than dignified at the gym, you didn't want him to be able to feel your flabby legs, as well.

"No!" You virtually shouted as you pulled your legs up under you so fast, ignoring your muscles' complaints.

"I'm sorry." You said in a small voice as Jongho looked confused and - maybe -a little hurt. The other boys were all looking at you, too, having been surprised by your outburst.

"I just...don't really like people touching me much." The apologetic look was clear on your face as you tried to explain so he knew it was your problem and nothing against him.

"It’s okay, I understand that. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." He smiled slightly but you could still see the hint of hurt on his face.

You felt awful. You didn't want Jongho to feel bad about something that was all you but you didn't know how to make it better so you just smiled apologetically back at him. The night continued on but you couldn't deny it felt a little awkward - especially when you saw Jongho look at you out of the corner of his eye when he noticed you let Hongjoong take your hand to hold while you were all watching TV. The gesture was to comfort you because your best friend knew you well enough to know you'd feel uneasy about the unwanted attention you'd brought on yourself.

Out of the eight boys, physical contact was something you only let Hongjoong do because you trusted him not to judge you. You didn't know them well enough yet and trusting people didn't come easy. Again, though, you had to admit that it was nothing to do with what kind of people they were because they really did seem genuinely lovely people. The problem was completely within you. You thought they'd judge your size because you judged it yourself. Thought they might secretly dislike you because you disliked yourself. Wondered why they wanted to hang around with a boring, unattractive girl like you because that's how you saw yourself. Thought they'd be disgusted if they saw or felt how you looked under the baggy clothes you wore because that's exactly how you felt when you saw or touched yourself. If you couldn't even like yourself, how could anyone else?

********

"Jongho..." You panted, struggling to catch your breath, "I can't...do anymore...I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising?" He asked confused.

"Because I'm failing." Not wanting to meet his eyes you looked down dejectedly. It had been a week since Jongho had increased your workout routine and you were exhausted. You dragged yourself off the treadmill and sat on the seat of the nearest weight machine.

"You're doing great, Y/N."

"No. I'm failing like I do everytime I try to lose weight." You felt tears welling up and were about ready to give up.

You always give up. You're lazy and useless so you might as well do it again.

Jongho frowned and placed one of his hands on each of your shoulders; you went to stand up off the seat and move away from his touch but he wouldn't let you, he was holding you too firmly. He crouched down so he was on your eye level.

"Y/N. Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a really tough workout and...I may have pushed you a little too far."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"I'm really not." He was trying to get you to look at him but you wouldn't. "We've been here almost every day this week and it's probably too much straight after increasing the workload."

"Really?" Looking up you looked Jongho in the eyes trying to guage if he really meant it or was just being kind to you. His dark brown eyes were staring straight back into yours and you could only see sincerity. It made hope swell a little inside you.

"A lot of people think that the more they do, the fitter they will become but if you take on too much at once you will exhaust yourself. If you're struggling, it's probably your body telling you to slow down and allow yourself to rest."

"You think so? I'm not just a massive failure?"

"No." Jongho chuckled.

But you are massive.

"In fact," he continued, "it's me who should be apologising for letting you do too much. You could've hurt yourself."

"It's okay." You smiled, just happy he didn't think you were useless.

"How about we make sure we only do every other day to allow you resting time inbetween. We'll finish up for today and get showered."

"Sure, thanks Jongho."

You were just turning to go shower when you heard him call out to you in a softer voice than normal.

"Uhh...Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to get a coffee or something when were done here?" He looked a little unsure of himself, which was unusual because here in the gym he always seemed very confident.

"Oh...Uh, sure. I guess we could." You felt quite awkward yourself and you realised again that, although you were spending time with Jongho, you weren't really socialising - too busy concentrating on training. Nerves started to rush through you at the thought of trying to have a conversation with just the two of you but he'd been so kind to help you, you didn't want to say no.

Not wanting to keep him waiting you showered as quick as you could and towel dried your hair, leaving it to dry on it's own. You put on the same kind of baggy clothes you always wore and headed out of the women's changing room to meet him.

Your 'training instructor' smiled warmly at you when you walked over. "I know a nice coffee shop not too far from here, we can go there if you like?"

"I'm fine with wherever you want to go." You told him, smiling shyly.

The two of you walked mostly in silence with just a bit of small talk between you. You weren't sure if Jongho was shy like you or just quieter than the other boys - some of them were so loud they didn't give the others a chance to say much. Maybe he was just the kind of person who didn't feel the need to fill the silence.

Every now and then as you were walking you saw him steal a glance at you from the corner of your eye. You tried not to think it was because he was judging you but that was always your first thought whenever anyone looked at you. You weren't always like this, in fact you used to be confident and get a lot of attention from boys. How you were now was the result of the systematic destructuction of your self-esteem over years. Being constantly told you weren't good enough, attractive enough, thin enough, pretty enough. Being made to feel like no one else would ever want you. You used to like the attention you got but now whenever anyone looked at you, you were sure it was because they were judging how you'd 'let yourself go', as your ex would so often put it. But you'd been doing well with trying to see the positive side so you dismissed those thoughts because why would he ask you to get coffee if he was embarrasssed to be seen with you?

The cafe was one you'd not seen before and you could already see it was pretty just from the outside. It looked more like an independent shop than part of a large chain with old-style signage and the cafe name in italics.

Jongho held the door open and you walked in to find small tables with a little vase set on each one. Inside each vase was a pink flower which complemented the colour of the cushions on the ornate chairs. There were fairy lights hung aroung the cafe which gave it an almost magical feel.

"Wow, this place is really pretty." You breathed as Jongho led you to a vacant table and held out your chair for you. Shyly you thanked him and sat down on the plush seat. It was just as comfy as it looked.

"What would you like?"

"Oh, no, you don't have to get it - I can pay for mine." Before you could even get your purse out of your bag Jongho had reached out to stop you. His hand was warm on yours and - surprisingly to you - you didn't immediately pull away.

"Please, it's no problem. Let me get it." His tone was soft but you could see from the look in his eyes that he had no intention of letting you pay so you reluctanly gave in.

"Okay, if you must. A hot chocolate, please."

"Cream?"

"No, thanks."

Jongho went to place the order and you sighed, you didn't like other people paying for you, especially if you didn't know them well. You remembered all the times your ex would pay for things but then make you feel bad about it. Complaining that you didn't earn enough and that he had to help you out. You had never asked him to and he didn't need to. It was just another way for him to belittle you and make you feel worthless.

As you waited for Jongho you thought about your 'realtionship' with him. At the moment it was only at the gym that you interacted. At the boys' dorm the louder members usually dominated the conversation so, although you did sometimes speak with him, you hadn't had much of a real conversation together. You didn't think you could call him your friend yet but you wanted to be able to. Maybe if you were brave and made the effort you could make a good start today.

The clink of the mugs being placed on the table startled you out of your thoughts.

Jongho laughed a little, "Sorry, did I make you jump?"

"Yeah," A sheepish look crept onto your face, "I was lost in thought."

"Oh? About what?"

"Well...we only really talk at the gym. I was thinking it would be nice to get to know you better outside of exercising."

It wasn't easy for you to put yourself out there even this little bit. In addition to judgement you always expected rejection. Except for Hongjoong you'd never had any good friends. You'd had people who you hung around with but not that you'd call real friends. You'd never felt accepted by the other girls. Rejection was what you feared every time you tried to make friends now.

"I'd really like that." You looked away shyly and blew on your hot chocolate as Jongho smiled brightly at you. You didn't really know where to go from here because it was so unlike you to even start a conversation let alone try to make a friend.

"I'd also really like you to share this red velvet with me." He said, indicating to a ridiculously-sized piece of cake sitting between you on the table.

"Oh, no...I really shouldn't." The cake did look amazing but you'd been so good lately, for once managing to stick to a healthier diet that didn't include your usual excessive amounts of cake and ice cream. You hadn't cut them out completely, just reduced to a normal amount. In addition to exercise, Jongho had helped with dietary advice; telling you not to forbid yourself anything but to balance your intake better. In the past when you cut out treats completely, it had always gone badly. You'd stick to it for a few months then crack and go on a binge. Jongho advised to make sure you get the proper amount of carbs, protein and nutrients to keep a balanced diet and stay healthier.

"Don't make me eat this all on my own...pleeease?" The pout that accompanied his plea was possibly the cutest thing you'd ever seen and definitely not something you could win against.

"Oh, alright. I'll have a little bit." You sighed, giving in to him again. "But only because you looked so cute. Pouting like that is a really dirty tactic, you know."

"I know," Jongho smirked, "...but at least you think I'm cute."

He flashed his signature gummy grin at you and you blushed, looking away. You wondered where on earth that confidence to call him cute even came from but as you sat talking to your training partner you found it amazingly easy to talk to him - comfortable, even. You had thought him shy because he didn't say much around you when the other boys were there but he didn't seem that way now it was just the two of you. He talked about so many different things and carried a lot of the conversation so confidently. He made you feel perfectly at ease and despite your fear of eating in front of other people he even managed to make you forget that, too. He was making you laugh with his terrible 'dad' jokes so much that when he held his fork out for you to take a bite of the moist red velvet cake, you were just too distracted to feel self-conscious.

Even when Jongho guided you out the door with his hand on the small of your back you didn't flinch away, you felt so comfortable with him.

"Wow, I didn't realise we'd been in there so long." Looking around the darkness outside confused you. It hadn't seemed like you were in there for that long.

"It is pretty dark now. I can walk you home...I mean, if you want that, of course." Jongho really was being quite the gentleman today; you idly wondered if this was what he was normally like or if he was just offering out of politeness because of the dark.

"It's okay, I'll be fine. My place isn't too far from here." You didn't want to put him out any more. Your apartment was in the completely opposite direction to the boys'.

"Oh." You weren't sure but he looked almost disappointed. Most likely just worried about you walking alone in the dark. "Well, get some rest before our next session. Be careful walking back."

"I will. Thanks for the hot chocolate...and cake." You smiled and waved before turning and making your way home, feeling really happy for once.

In bed that evening you found yourself going over the days events in your mind again. Not worrying over any errors you made that might make you look stupid, like you normally would but being thinking about Jongho and hoping you could think of him as a proper friend now. He was so kind and patient with you when you were working out at the gym but you had to admit you had much more fun with him afterwards.

You found yourself replaying the meeting in your mind; the silly jokes he made, how he looked so cute when he was trying not to laugh at them himself as he delivered the punchline. His smile really was so pretty.

As usually happened, though, the self-deprecating thought crept back in as you pondered just how good-looking he was and wondered what people must have thought seeing someone like you with someone like him. You really weren't in the same league as him. You could see just how easy it would be to fall for him but that didn't make any difference; it's not like he'd ever like you back. Why would he when he had tons of perfect-looking girls around him to choose from. Backing dancers, other idols, you couldn't compete with a single one of them. Your ex loved to remind you that no one else would ever want you looking like you did but at least if you remembered that and didn't get your hopes up, you couldn't get hurt again when the inevitable rejection came.

#ateex x fem reader #ateez x reader #atzinc #ateez fanfic #ateez angst #ateez jongho #Ateez hongjoong #ateez ot8 #ateez fluff #body shaming #body positive #idol ateez

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misssunflowersandsangria · 4 years

Text

Please Have Snow and Mistletoe

Hello my Reindears! Please indulge me, this idea for a Christmas/Holiday story came out of nowhere lol. Don’t take it too seriously it’s choc-full of clichés and holiday fluff. Still, I hope that you enjoy the fantasy and fun of it all!

Summary: Temari was hoping to be home for the holidays. A winter storm grounded her plans but along with it brought a handsome man with a proposition for her.

Chapter 1: Flight 4XMAS

“How can there be no flights available?” Temari demanded trying to keep her frustration in check. She knew that it wasn’t the girl’s fault but her anger needed to go somewhere.

“I’m sorry ma'am but the weather conditions are so severe that flights are grounded till the storm passes. You are welcome to check in the next few days to see when flights will resume.”

Temari sighed but nodded her head. “Okay, thank you.”

Visiting her family for the holidays was the bright spot in an otherwise bleak year. Temari had moved away from home and it had been months since she’d seen her family. She had wanted to surprise them by arriving early but the storm had delayed her grand plans. Still, as long as she’d be able to make it home she’d be thankful.

“Excuse me.”

Her teal eyes met the deep brown orbs of a handsome man. His long dark hair was pulled back and away from his face. The expensive black sweater framed his lean muscles perfectly.

“Yes?”

“I overheard your conversation and I think that I can help.” She peered at him curiously. How could he possibly help her?

“I can get you home for Christmas. I’ll just require your help for a few days.”

“Doing what?” She asked carefully, he didn’t come off as a creep but it was hard to tell these days.

He chose his next words carefully. “An acting job if you will. I’d need you to pose as my girlfriend for my family.”

Temari’s eyes widened in confusion. “What?”

“I know, it’s ridiculous but my mother is expecting me to bring someone home. I was supposed to be home a few weeks ago, I lied. I told her that I couldn’t leave earlier because of my girlfriend’s work schedule and promised that she’d be coming for Christmas.”

Shikamaru didn’t blame the utter confusion and disbelief on the poor woman’s face. He knew how crazy it all sounded but his mother was a force to be reckoned with. He didn’t want to think about what she would do if she found out he lied.

Words failed Temari. This had to be a joke right? She was about to ask that very question aloud but his eyes were serious and sure.

“So I help you out by pretending to be your happy loving girlfriend for three days and you make sure that I can get home for Christmas.”

He nodded and she felt herself agree. She could try to wait it out but there was no guarantee that in the next few days she’d even be able to get a flight. This was her best shot.

“I’m Shikamaru by the way.” The name sounded so familiar but she could quite place it.

“Temari.”

“How can you expect me to remember all of these names?” Temari groaned, taking another sip of her drink. At least the jet had a great assortment of liquor.

“Temari, you’ll be fine. They’ll be more interested in you anyway. We just have to get our story straight.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “That’s easy, we use what happened today. We met in an airport blah blah blah. It’s not a total lie.”

He considered the idea carefully. It was better than making up an elaborate story. “That could work.”

She could see the tense look across his face. It was sweet if she thought about it. His family meant the world to him and this elaborate scheme all so that he didn’t disappoint them. In exchange, she got to fly on private jets and enjoy holiday traditions with a rich handsome stranger.

He’d walked her through all the people that she’d been meeting and all the various family events. It would be a busy few days but nothing she couldn‘t handle.

“Your family loves the Holidays.”

Her assessment was correct. “Naras are very serious about their traditions.”

Temari’s eyes shot wide open. “You’re Nara Shikamaru?”

“Yup.”

The Naras were one of the wealthiest families in Japan. There was little known about their son other than that he’d amassed an incredible amount of wealth on his own. That explained the private jet.

“Seriously? You could have easily picked up some celebrity to play your girlfriend. Why pick out some random girl at the airport?”

He shrugged unaffected by her shock. “I don’t know, I just had a good feeling when I saw you.” Temari couldn’t help the blush that crossed her face at the idea he saw something special in her.

Shikamaru glanced at her from the side. Temari wasn’t what he’d expected but he was pleasantly surprised. She was witty, interesting, and even now despite learning his lineage didn’t seem intimidated by him. All of this on top of being gorgeous. He knew that this was a risky move. Temari could easily take this information and out him to his family or worse the media but she didn’t seem like the type.

He glanced down at his phone seeing a message from his mother and groaned.

“My mom wants a picture to be sure that we’re on our way.” Nothing got past that woman. Temari nodded and took a seat by his side and his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Her face flushed at how close they were but smiled for the photo. She couldn’t help but think that they did make an attractive couple.

“You really think we can pull this off?”

“I have no doubts.” He told her reassuringly and it was hard not to believe that they could. She rested her head against his shoulder the stress of the day getting to her.

“Alright Shikamaru, I trust you.”

Shikamaru sat there while she slept thinking about just what he had gotten them both into. He was usually so specific and detailed in his plans. In this case, they were working off a wish and a prayer. Still, part of him knew that this would work. That they could convince everyone and once it was all said and done, well he wasn’t sure.

When they finally landed they drove past the city. They arrived at a quiet and dense forested area dotted with large family homes. His home was the grandest of them all. It was a large stately mansion with numerous Christmas lights that gave it a warm glow. It was something straight from a fairy tale. Temari could make out a couple standing at the front waiting for them.

“Ready for this?” Shikamaru asked, placing a gentle hand on hers.

“It's a little too late to be asking that now.” She frowned beginning to second guess her decision to help.

“Don’t worry Temari, they’ll love you.”

She was barely out of the car before she was swallowed up into a hug.

“Temari, my dear it is so wonderful to meet you.” She met warm brown eyes so similar to Shikmaru’s and returned the affectionate hug.

Yoshino was absolutely overjoyed at her son being home but especially because he’d been accompanied by Temari. She had been worried that her son would simply work himself into the grave, never experiencing all the joys that made life worth living. She prayed that perhaps this relationship, that Temari might be the one to change it all.

“Mrs. Nara it is a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Yoshino linked her arm with hers. “None of those formalities. You’re practically family. Call me mom. You are absolutely gorgeous dear. I can’t understand why our son would keep you hidden away from us so long.”

She barely had a moment to greet Shikamaru’s father who he was a splitting image of before she was swept inside.

It was a blur of faces and names once inside the home. His mother and father were there of course along with his extended family. They joked that they needed to see her for themselves.

Temari was thankful that Shikamaru had given her a rundown on the plane of the people that she’d be meeting. They were all welcoming and shared the same sentiment. That it was about time that he’d brought someone home and how he could have kept their relationship a secret for so long.

She’d been nervous and worried for the entire experience but as the night wore on the conversation flowed and the laughter came easily. His family was far too kind and inviting and they were more than happy to welcome her into the fold. The night turned into the early morning hours and even then she could have stayed up with them.

“Okay kids time for bed. We’ll have more time together tomorrow. Temari please let Shikamaru know if you need anything.”

“Thank you...mom.”

Yoshino’s smile was bright and beaming and she couldn’t help but draw Temari into a tight hug.

“I’m so happy that you are here.”

“We’ll continue our Shogi game tomorrow Temari. You can ask Shikamaru for some tips.” Shikaku told her with a smile. “Good night kids.”

They were put into Shikamaru’s old room. His awards and old photos lined the walls.

“And who is this?” She grinned holding up a worn stuffed deer.

“Careful with that, he’s an antique. I can sleep on the floor, and you’ll take the bed.” It would have been strange to ask for separate rooms.

Temari rolled her eyes. “Shikamaru please, we’re adults. If you promise not to grope me while we can sleep in the same bed. Besides your mother seems like the type to just barge in here. It will be hard to explain why you’re on the floor.”

“Okay, you’re right. Feel free to use this bathroom. I'll go to the one down the hall.” She nodded watching him leave.

Temari slowly unpacked her luggage and finally had time to reflect on the last few hours. Shikamaru was something else entirely. A genius, mogul, and devoted son. His family had been so sweet to her that it wasn’t hard to love them. If she wasn’t careful she’d get caught up and forget that this was all just an act, a lie. Whoever did manage to capture his heart one day would be so lucky.

Temari was already snuggled under the covers when he returned and she couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the reindeer pajamas.

“Laugh all you want but I guarantee that she will have a set ready for you tomorrow.”

“I look forward to it.” He shook his head and got settled into bed.

They both naturally turned to their sides to face the other. His eyes were soft as they gazed at her.

“Thanks again Temari.”

She smiled at the appreciation. “I’m enjoying myself Shikamaru, your family is wonderful.”

“Thank you. They really like you.”

“Really?” She didn’t realize how much she hoped that they did.

“I haven’t been around too much the last few years, my own fault. Seeing my mom smile so much well it means a lot. It’s hard to get my parents a present as you can imagine.” His hand casually pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Bringing you home is the best gift I could have given them.”

Temari was floored by the compliment. Maybe, just for a little, it wouldn't hurt to get caught up. She leaned into his warm hand.

“I’m glad that I could help then. Good night Shikamaru.”

“Good night Tem.”

When Shikamaru woke up the following morning he felt an unknown weight on his chest. He grinned seeing Temari’s hair sprawled across his chest his stuffed deer held between them. At some point during the night he must have pulled her in and she hadn’t let go.

His hand gently brushed over the top of her head. The quiet of the early morning and warmth of Temari against him created a kind of peace within him. He’d dedicated the greater part of his adult years chasing accolades and accomplishments. Never stopping to pursue things like love and relationships. And he was content. It was enough. Now, even after just a day with her and his family, it created a strange emptiness in his chest. Seeing her cook with his mother, and learn how to play Shogi from his father were images he never wanted to forget. Scenes he wanted to view again.

He had just a few days and maybe in that time, he’d know just what he wanted for Christmas.

Okay my loves, the game is how many Christmas cliches can we fit in one story haha. This is going to go fast. Then I promise I’ll work on Stalemate and Yamanaka week. No smut in this one, you can read Stalemate or my Lemonade series for that. This is just going to be sweet and fluffy. Love you my dear readers! Thank you!

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burnedbyshoto · 5 years

Note

Hello! Since your askbox is open, is it alright that ask for a request? If so, can you please write a scenario detailing the birth of Todoroki and his s/o’s first child? Maybe he is out on patrol when he hears that his s/o is about to give birth and has his friends rush him there? I’ve been having a bad week, so please inject me with fluff and good feels. Thank you!

anon, love, I hope this helps you feel better! I’m sorry I wasn’t able to upload this the day you submitted. I know I don’t know you, or you know me, but if you want to talk about this bad week please feel free to dm me!!! sending my love

todoroki shouto x first time pregnant!reader

warning: pure fluff!!!

Part Two Part Three Part Four

Pregnancy can be a beautiful thing, and in this case, it typically was.

The day you had found out you were pregnant you could not stop crying, immediately calling Shouto, your loving husband of two years, to bear the good news. While giving you an initial scare by immediately hanging up on you when spilling the news, you were relieved to find him next to you in five minutes with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and misty eyes.

You could still remember holding him tightly as you two hugged as tears fell down your face as you whispered to Shouto that it was real and that he was going to make an amazing parent.

That was exactly thirty-nine weeks ago, and now being an entire week overdue with the same raging pregancy hormones, you wanted this baby out of you!

You were a Pro-Hero before this baby, and you planned on staying a Pro-Hero once the sucker was born. Through a lot of pressure from family, friends, and mostly Shouto, you had agreed to spend the your pregnancy with your alumni U.A. and teach Hero Basics even though you would not be participating in any actual lessons as soon as you couldn’t see your toes anymore.

So there you sat at home, your swollen feet elevated on pillows as a heated blanket lay over your simultaneous cold and hot body, dumb hormones were making you crazy. You were overdue, and you were ready to quite literally kick this baby out of you. Were you excited to be a mother, definitely, but this child seemed to be tap dancing on your bladder like it was life or death.

“Relax, tenshi,” You whispered to your baby, rubbing your swollen belly as you grimaced as a terrible heat flash went throughout your body, “Are you seriously craving donuts right now? We just had an early dinner!” You gasped as images of the sugary sweet dessert flashed through your mind making your mouth water.

“Okay, you convinced me!” You laugh, it took you a while, but soon you managed to squirm off the couch and onto your feet only after two minutes. “That’s a new record, I should tell Shouto…”

How you used to be an S-Rank Pro-Hero you had no idea because now you couldn’t even put on shoes without assistance. “Mama is gonna cry when she has to get back into shape. You made me so fat!” You coo softly to yourself as you waddled over to your purse and grabbed it.

Checking yourself in the mirror, you groaned. Your face was so round that it officially beat Uraraka’s for roundest face in the old class 1-A. You wore a maxi sundress even though it was still February because nothing else fits! Well, sweaty old XXL shirts did but it just was not acceptable in public! Slipping on your sandals, you yelled goodbye to no one in the house and waddled out to buy some donuts.

You eventually made it to the donut shop with drool just about coming down your mouth as you entered the store.

“Ah, Todoroki-sama, I was wondering if you were going to be coming in at all today!” The owner greeted you with a bow as you laughed easily.

“My little Tenshi got his little donut cravings really late tonight, Takashima-sama you wound me, your best customer would never disappoint!” You teased back, your face contorted into a grimace as you clutched your swollen belly, waddling closer to the counter with your wallet ready.

“This one is on the house,” The store owner Takashima said, sliding over a box of half a dozen maple bars.

You teared up, accepting the box while sobbing, and left a generous tip as you went to sit down. Calming down slowly, you groaned as you placed the box down and froze.

Why was your leg wet?

You looked down, hands waving with heightened anxiety and shrieked, “ TAKASHIMA-SAMA, MY WATER BROKE!”

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

Twenty minutes away via car stood Todoroki Shouto walking down the crowded streets of Tokyo with Midoriya and Iida. The three of them had finished working together for a promo radio interview and were now patrolling near their agencies.

“You know, I’ve really come to miss y/l/n-chan walking around with us,” Iida confessed as he waved to a young fan who was pointing him out to his mother.

“It’s Todoroki, Iida-kun,” Midoriya reminds Iida for the millionth time, but knows that no amount of reminding will ever get Iida to not call you by your maiden name.

“Y/n will be back soon after of course, she feels ready to return to the field,” Shouto says silently agreeing with the fact that he missed having his wife with him while working, it had to be the worst thing about you getting pregnant by far.

“Is she not overdue for the baby, as well? Don’t most pregnancies last only thirty-eight weeks?” Iida questioned as they stopped to take pictures with an obvious American fan.

“Y/n’s ob-gyn doctor said we shouldn’t worry, but that if by the end of the week if y/n hasn’t given birth naturally, she’ll need a c-section,” Shouto explained as he pulled out his phone feeling it buzzing. He saw your contact picture, a celebratory picture of you after finishing a rather intense hiking trail during your honeymoon. “It’s y/n.”

The two of them nod their head as they watched Shouto pick the phone to his ear as he turned around to give himself some privacy. Shouto spoke once, nodded three times and hung up after giving his love.

“Well, y/n is in labor, and I need to get going,” Shouto says eerily calm, his arms stiff by his side, and Midoriya just about jumps out of his skin.

“SHE’S IN LABOR?! OH MY GOD, I’M NOT READY!!”

“Do not panic, Midoriya-kun, it is Todoroki who is going to be the father, not you.” Iida reminds Midoriya who is looking in every direction trying to figure out a game plan for getting to the hospital.

“I KNOW THAT! BUT I–” Midoriya stops and looks over at Shouto who is visibly panicking. “Todoroki-kun, are you okay?”

“There are no more trains back to Musutafu until 21:00,” Todoroki says carefully and to their horror, it’s only 18:30. “Even if we take a car, we could be late.”

“No!” Iida and Midoriya yell.

“I’ll get you there on time!” Midoriya affirms turning his back to Shouto. “Get on!”

With a crackle of lighting, and the shout of “RECIPRO BURST” the three Pro-Heroes were gone without a trace.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

“It hurts!” You scream in pain as contraction after contraction plummets through you, obviously, your baby had no care in the world that 1. mama was in a hell lot of pain and 2. papa wasn’t here yet so you weren’t going to let him leave your womb.

“Todoroki-sama, you need to push! You’re going to get yourself or the baby hurt!” Your doctor yells obviously worried as you clenched your legs tightly together.

“I’m not having this baby without S-Shoucchan here!” You cry as the pain is quickly becoming unbearable.

“Y/n, I’m here!” A very frazzled looking Shouto walks through the delivery room, his body clothed in medical scrubs his face showing his fear and love. You giggle a bit like a lunatic seeing a few leaves stuck in his hair finding it amusing despite the pain.

“Midoriya and Iida brought y-yOU!?” You screamed again as your body is now fighting you on letting your baby come out.

You look up and see Shouto now at your bedside, his hand clutching yours as the doctor commands a few nurses to get things ready. “I was scared I was going to miss this…” Shouto admits as you clench his hand in yours as another painful contraction sears your body.

“You’re not missing anything!” You can’t help but snap as you throw your head back, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body. “Get this baby oUT OF ME!” You shriek at the doctor who has now positioned your legs for delivery.

“Alright, Todoroki-sama, I need you to push for ten seconds, okay?”

“OKAY!!”

And Shouto watched as his wife only tightened her death grip on his hands, curses leaving her lips left and right as she pushed with all her might. He stared over at the doctor who he knew was screaming at his stubborn wife to follow his commands, but he could hear nothing besides the roar of his heartbeat in his ears.

Shouto can’t stop himself from leaning over and pressing a kiss on your sweating forehead as you scream louder to get the baby out of you. Then, Shouto can hear a soft cry. His eyes widen as he watches the pink, white, and bloody baby being held by the doctor and all he can hear is the baby’s cries and the exhausted pants from you.

He looks down to find you slumping in the bed, your hair a complete mess, sweat drenching your body, and tears falling down your face.

“Shoucchan,” You murmur, and immediately Shouto is attending to you, wiping off the sweat, fluffing your pillow and kissing you a million times as both your shaking hands hold each other. “Baby, you’re crying.” You inform him with a weak but incredibly affectionate smile.

Shouto wipes away the tears that fall down his face, only to find himself crying, even more. The nurse eventually brings your guys’ small baby boy over to the two of you and gently handed him to you, and you cradle your baby close to your body. “Hi Kaito,” You coo at the baby who was now soundlessly sleeping on your chest, “I’m your mama, and I just want you to know that even though you were a pain in my ass, I love you so much…”

Shouto snorts as you look up at him and smile, and he comes down to press another kiss on your lips. “Come here, Shoucchan,” You say handing your son over to him, and watched as your husband froze. You waited a moment and then grinned as Shouto reached for baby Kaito and you easily handed him over. You watched with tears in your eyes as Shouto gently bounced with Kaito in his arms, whispering about how much he was going to love him, and how he was going to make Kaito proud to be his son.

“I promise, Kaito, I will never ever let you or your beautiful mama get hurt, and I promise you no matter what happens, I will love you forever and always.”

this made me really soft and kinda was like “maybe pregnancy isn’t that bad???” anywho, hope you enjoyed and have a good rest of your day!!!!!

bonus!

The entire old Class 1-A shuffled through the hallways of the hospital, each claiming to see a different patient so that they could all visit your room.

“Okay, just in case you bozo’s don’t know how to behave around babies, do not scream when we walk in. They are shits to be put to bed, and if you wake up y/n-chan’s sleeping baby, I will end you!” Mina threatens as she eyes down the… louder members of the class. “Second of all, it’s a baby, so don’t talk to it expecting answers, and most importantly, do not. I repeat, do NOT, throw the baby around like it’s some game!”

She gave an obviously pointed glare at Kaminari.

“I’m so excited!” Momo squeals right before they open the door, and with numerous amounts of presents and balloons on hand, nineteen Pro-Heroes entered the room and froze. The sight in front of them making them speechless. Shouto was laying on the bed with you, his arm behind you giving you comfort, and the baby laying on your chest asleep. For the matter at hand, all three of you were asleep without a care in the world.

Some members of the party had to bite down on their hands to keep them from screaming.

Later that night when Shouto woke up for a few minutes and checked his phone for any messages, he then saw a picture of the three of them asleep on the hospital bed on the group chat, with a caption:

‘What a beautiful family, can’t wait for more pictures! Welcome to the family Todoroki Kaito! We love you!’

#todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki x reader #bnha todoroki #bnha #bnha writing blog #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha #todoroki shoto imagine #mha todoroki #todoroki scenario #todoroki fluff

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petri808 · 4 years

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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 22 | 23 | 24 | 25

thank you for your patience. This week was pretty crazy distracting with the elections lol The ride’s gonna get rough for a while....

It had become a pretty routine idea for the couple whenever a new and interesting movie hit the theaters to check it out. They could relax and cuddle, letting the stressors of school and work melt away onto the big screen where actors made them laugh or cry and laugh again. The theater that Saturday afternoon was busy with the line for the concession stand long but moving at a decent pace. Natsu and Lucy weren’t too worried about getting a good seat because they’d arrived early enough.

“Do you think Pets 2 will be as good as the first one?” Lucy questions Natsu.

“I don’t know. I mean the first one was okay I guess.” He pokes her side in a teasing manner. “You’re just excited cause Mamoru Miyano is dubbing a character again.”

“He’s hot, what can I say and if he was single, well...” she shrugs with a devious grin, “who knows.”

“Pfft, I’m a much better catch, plus he’s old.”

“I’m just teasing,” Lucy giggles. “But he is not that old!”

Natsu is still laughing over the protective behavior she shows for her favorite voice actor, just as they finally reach the front of the concession stand. “Should I just grab a big tub of popcorn and we share?” He double checks with her.

“No way mister,” she laughs, “I want a small one for myself cause last time I barely got any.”

“Okay that’s true, what about a drink? Share or no?”

“Hmm, yeah, that’s fine. Ooh, and don’t forget my arare this time.”

It takes only a few minutes for the worker to put their order together. Natsu grabs the two containers of popcorn and their candies, while Lucy holds the carrier with the drinks. They then head towards the hallways leading to the theater rooms. It was a pretty big lobby area with three hallway branches to choose from, so they check to make sure they take the correct one. But just as they’re about to turn in that direction, something or someone bumps so hard into Natsu’s back that he stumbles and the food he was holding flies forward all over the ground. Lucy who was walking right beside him is also hit, though managed to keep the drinks from being thrown too.

“What the fuck?!” He yells from the impact and Lucy cries out too.

The whole event was seconds in the making, like a blur of food flying, gasps around them, and immediate questions needing answers. Natsu moves to spin around to confront the person, when arms are quickly wrapping themselves around his body. Meanwhile, Lucy is sent into an emotional tailspin from the sight. Anger and frustration topping the list.

“Touka?!” Lucy screams.

“Touka?!” Natsu parrots his girlfriend since he can’t see behind him. He claws at the arms around him. “Get the fuck off me you crazy bitch!”

A crowd of gawkers gathers to see what was going on, and employees from the concession stand get on phones to call for security.

“Natsu! I can’t believe you’re cheating on me!” The woman retorts and digs in, holding on as tight as possible. “I’m your girlfriend not her!”

“You are not my girlfriend!” He screams as he tries desperately to untangle her arms from his body. “Let me you go you crazy nut case!”

“Touka, let Natsu go!” Lucy shrieks too, digging her nails into the woman’s arm. She didn’t care if she drew blood at this point because she’d had enough of Toukas antics. For months and months, the woman has harassed them. Always showing up and spying on them, approaching them with this same rhetoric. But it was the first time she’d become this physical, latching onto Natsu and not letting go. “Touka, you’re crazy! Leave us alone!”

“He’s mine!” The woman screams back. “Natsu’s mine and you stole him from me!”

“She didn’t steal nothin’ you demented freak!” Natsu finally pulls her locked arms away and flips her over his shoulder. Touka lands hard on her back to the gasps and murmurs of onlookers, but Natsu didn’t care at this point. He was too fed up with the stalker behaviors that’s been driven him crazy for almost three years now! “I can’t take it anymore! I’m pressing charges Touka since you won’t leave us alone!”

Sobbing on the floor but undeterred, Touka grabs for his ankle. “No! I’ll never give you up! Never!”

Natsu kicks her hand away, then grabs Lucy by the waist and pulls them both out of reach from the crazed blonde. “Stay away from me and Lucy, Touka! I mean it! This has gone too far!”

Lucy immediately turns and buries her face in his chest as he holds her close. Her mind was reeling and on the verge of tears. Why couldn’t she leave them alone! It had been frustrating until now, but this was getting scary. It felt like they didn’t have the freedom to be in public together without constantly worrying if Touka would show up. Usually, if there were people around, she was less likely to, so her actions this time showed an escalation in behavior.

In that moment, security arrived and takes charge of the situation. Two of the men secured Touka and haul her away to the building’s security office, while another questions the couple along with witnesses in the lobby. The pair tells them what happened and Natsu insists on pressing assault charges on Touka. Once witnesses confirm their story, the guards take all of the contact information and allow them to leave. Theater employees offer to replace their food for free, but Lucy is so shaken that she just wants to get out of there. It was nice of the staff to give them free vouchers for their next trip.

“I’m so sorry I ever doubted you, Natsu.” Lucy clung to his side as they walked the short distance to his apartment. “There’s something seriously wrong with that girl.”

“Shh,” he kisses her temple, “it’s okay. You were just protecting yourself. But I promise you, we’ll get through this.”

“Are you really gonna push the charges?”

“Hell yes, I should have done it long ago. Maybe then she would have taken it more seriously.”

“I hope so too. Maybe they’ll give her counseling in jail.”

When they arrive at Natsu’s apartment, Gray was home but napping in his room, so they set up in the living room. Lucy makes them drinks and microwave popcorn, then they put on a movie. It wasn’t the same as a theater experience, but at least it was cozy. She cuddles up on his lap with the bowl of popcorn on hers, trying to focus on the movie rather than the events of that day. He in turn keeps his arms around her body to hold her close.

Stuff like this was exactly what she feared in deciding to date Natsu, but she never thought it would go this far. She was too deeply attached to him to give up now and aside from dealing with Touka, he was everything he’d promised he would be, which was such a rarity that couldn’t be given up lightly. Lucy was comfortable with him, as if they’d known each other forever. Natsu was sweet, caring, affectionate, smart, handsome, funny, respectful of her no matter what. She could tell it pained him whenever stuff like this occurred, frustrated as if he was failing somehow. But it wasn’t all his fault. While yes, he could have been blunter with the woman in the beginning, Lucy had to admit that his caring nature was one of the reasons she loved him for. She couldn’t very well fault him for it now. Natsu also couldn’t control the fact Touka was just crazier than normal.

“You’re thinking about things, I can tell cause your brows are furrowing.” Natsu’s voice is soft as he speaks. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Lucy shakes her head. “No. I’ll be okay, I promise. It’s just so hard to rap my brain around how some people can behave like that.”

“It would kill me, but I’d understand if you’re tired of having to deal with all this... or me.”

She turns slightly in his lap. “I’m not leaving. I’m— scared, but I’m not gonna let her win either. You’re just too good to give up.”

Natsu’s face softens further, slightly embarrassed at such an affirmation. He cradles her cheeks and kisses her lips gently. “It’s me who’s the lucky one.”

*Note: arare= shoyu flavored rice crackers. It's makes a really good snack, but if you add it to popcorn with some furikake omg so oishi, delicious!

For those that don't know who he is, Mamoru Miyano is a popular voice actor in Japan for both anime and he's done dub work for American movies like Pets/Pets 2, etc. He's also my favorite Japanese singer :) I love him so much, OMG.

Last note, the story does take a majorly angsty turn at this point. I swear this ends happier if you can handle the drama lol.

#nalu #nalu fan fiction #nalu fan fic #nalu Au #angst #Natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #strangers on a train #ch 15

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dragonrajafanfiction · 4 years

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The Yamal Mission

In the first book IV quest of Dragon Raja appears to take place immediately after Luminous is installed as the Student Union President. However, this is not the case in the novels.

In the game, right after you celebrate Luminous’s new job, you are called in for a mission from EVA that will send you on a mission with Johann on the “Luxury Cruise ship.”

However, in the novel, Johann’s mission takes place a full year after these two scenes!!! I’m not sure why they did this, your character in the game should have reflected a whole year’s worth of new dragonslaying experience. At this point, your character is not a freshman, but a student well into their second year.

It also doesn’t make sense that Johann is in charge of the mission when the School Board tends to prioritize Hybrid bloodline over experience. For example, in Book 2, Johann is reporting to Luminous in the Quest to find the King of Earth and Mountains even though Luminous is otherwise inferior in everyway. It makes no sense that on a lesser quest of investigation, he’s your supervisor.

I just wanted to clarify these things to anyone who is going to do these quests in case they become confusing later.

Anyway, below is the translation of the second half of the Story Quest for 118

72 degrees north latitude, Greenland Sea

Under the dark night, the big scarlet boat rushed through the broken ice, leaving a 20 meter wide blue-black waterway behind.

This place is well within the Arctic Circle, and it is in the dead of winter. Although the sea surface is not completely frozen, the floating ice is all over the sea surface. Only this monster-class ice breaker dared to continue to rush towards the North Pole at this time.

The YAMAL, the world’s largest icebreaker, belonged to Russia. Two heavy water nuclear reactors provided it with almost endless power. The thick armored bow can easily smash a 6 meter iceberg. Among the icebreakers in the world, except for a few military monsters who identities cannot be disclosed, only this ship has sailed to the North Pole.

The tragedy of the Titanic will never happen to the YAMAL. What is an iceberg when you can just ram into it? The crew of the YAMAL has always thought about the problem this way, which is why they can’t be hired by other polar cruise companies after they are retired... This group of people might end up driving an ordinary ship into an iceberg just out of habit.

“Hello! Hello! This is the YAMAL. We are sailing on he 72 degree North latitude line. Is there a dear friend nearby who can chat? I hope you’re an American with a sense of humor, ha! I met one German guy before who lived in Munich and he told a really cold joke. I didn’t get it until a week after I went ashore. Everyone thought I was crazy when I suddenly burst out laughing in the middle of a bar.”

A middle-aged Russian captain drank vodka straight from the bottle and yelled into the radio system, as if he were the host of an evening radio show.

The radio remained absolutely silent, without so much as static.

This was par for the course. In this season, there may be ten ships in the world that dared to sailed openly in the Arctic Ocean. At this moment, other ships are either docked at military ports or scattered in other corners of the Arctic Ocean and the most advanced long-wave radio can only call a few hundreds of kilometers out.

In other words, they sail in a dead end space where almost no one can reach. A crew who frequently runs this route can suffer depression if they’re not careful and the best medicine on board for this malady is alcohol.

The captain was just trying his luck after having a drink. If he happened to be able to call other polar ships, usually everyone would change voyage a little and go for a short period of time, staying close enough to each other to talk over the radio for an hour or two.

“Oh! I can’t find anyone to chat with tonight!” The captain sighed, “Then I’ll go to the casino to try my luck, Mr. Chief Officer, this ship will e handed over to you temporarily!”

He staggered out, completely unaware that the first mate entrusted with the task was drunk and had been lying on the steering wheel for half an hour.

The casino on board was magnificent. The warm air was wrapped in the rich smell of whiskey and high-end perfume. The Belarusian girl, standing 5′9″ and wearing high heels acted as the dealer. A waiter who can speak various languages enthusiastically advised the guests to experience the richness of Tibetan wine and hand-rolled cigars from Cuba. A source of enormous wealth has created a small Las Vegas in this lifeless dead-end space.

The YAMAL was originally planned to be used as a scientific research ship, and it assumed the strategic goal of the former Soviet Union to head towards the North Pole. However, after the disintegration of the Soviet Union, this strategic goal also fell into disuse. The hugely-built ship could not be left idle and was put to civilian use, transformed into a luxury gambling ship, cruising on the Arctic Ocean all year round.

The Arctic Ocean is the high seas, you can’t help but gamble. Plus, you can enjoy the polar scenery on the way. So even if the tickets are expensive, the ones for this “Christmas Journey” are sold out.

There are eleven floors on this ship. Six floors have been transformed into luxurious cabins. At the moment, these cabins are full of 1,200 tourists, plus a crew of almost 1,000 people and service personnel. This ship can be said to be a small city floating on the Arctic Ocean.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please look out from the porthole on the left. You will see a medium sized iceberg with a height of more than 25 meters. Anyone who knows ice bergs must know that only 1/10 of the volume of an iceberg will surface. The underwater part occupies 9/10. This means that the height of the entire iceberg is almost 250 meters, of which more than 200 re below the sea surface.”

The navigator’s voice echoed in the hall. “That ice berg is the giant remains of the ice sheet, and feel off the arctic Ice cap 32 years ago and is always floating in the nearby sea. In summer, it will move further north, and it winter, it will be close to the edge of the Arctic Circle. The crew affectionately calls it the “Mary Girl” but as you can see, after 32 years of melting, the once hugeg “mary Girl” has only 250 feet of ice left. This year maybe the last time that Mary Girl will accompany us on our ice sea journey. Goodbye, Mary Girl, we will miss you.”

The wall-like ice cliffs slid past the hull of the cliffs, showing a dazzling blue color The white water fowl stood on top of the Mary Girl, staring blankly at the red behemoth driving by. After that, it floats far away.

Few tourists actually went to see the last side of the Mary Girl. Sexy Belarusian girls, hot gambling games, and mellow wine, kept their eyes on the gaming table.

The captain woke up a bit from the wine, pace to the porthole, looked out and let out a faint puff of smoke.

“Is it like seeing off an old friend?” A very young voice spoke next to him, but it was low with an iceberg-like feel.

The captain raised his head and was surprised to find that there was a young man in a black suit standing beside him, with black hair and an extremely clear face, carrying an elegant suitcase in his hand and a long black bag on his shoulders. He should be Chinese, but his accent is standard American English. The captain had been standing by the porthole for five minutes but didn’t notice when the young man approached him.

“It is, isn’t it? Always sailing in such lonely waters, we give each iconic iceberg a girl’s name in our hearts. Mary is like a bright girl in white, waiting for us in this sea forever. Seeing her, we don’t need to look at the theodolite to know which area of the sea we’re sailing in.” The captain emotionally explained. “So what’s your name?”

“Chu. Chu Zihang.”

“is there anything I can do for you? Mr. Chu.”

“I want to see the captain.”

“Then you are looking for the right person!” The captain smiled and straightened his captain’s hat. “The name’s Sasha Rebarko, Captain of the Yamal. Ready to serve you!”

“No. I don’t want to se you. I want to see the real captain.” Chu Zihang said lightly.

The captain was stunned, a sharp light flashing in his pupils. But it was fleeting.

“How can there be two captains on a ship?” He shrugged. “Only when I am sick and unable to perform the duties of captain will the chief officer take over. As as you can see, I’m as strong as an ox!”

“Your real name is not Sasha Rebarko, but Alexander Rebarko. You were a major of the Alpha Special Forces of the Russian Federal Security Service. After retiring in 2001, you were hired by the real captain. The ship’s technology is actually very rudimentary. This ship is usually managed by the chief mate, but you are a proficient marksman, skilled in unarmed combat, and practiced in using almost all military equipment. So You’re responsible for the security of the ship.”

“You have been married once, now divorced. Your parents live in St. Petersburg. You have a 16-year old sister.” Chu Zihang’s one was steady like this big ship, but the captain’s heartbeat was as steep and tortuous as the icebergs outside.

He subconsciously bent his knees slightly and leaned forward and his hands drew into his sleeves. This was an attempt to grasp the dagger hidden inside, but he felt empty.

This kind of “muscle memory” came from being trained to be very skillful with a knife. Major Alexaner Rebarko, when he was wearing the Alpha Force uniform, he would have had a dagger in his sleeve at all times.

But he hasn’t used the name Alexander in more than ten years. In order to sever his relationship with the past, he took great pains to change. He changed his address, phone number, broke off contacts with old friends and hired hackers to break into Alpha Forces serves to delete all his files. He performed a bit of facial surgery... Since then it was like Alpha Elite Major Alexander Rebarko had never existed in this world and was replaced by senior captain Sasha Rebarko.

Now the past buried by his own hands has been completely restored in the cold and plain narration of this young man, as if he were some sort of guardian angel that had seen his whole like with his own eyes.

Anyone, as long as he has existed in this world, will always leave countless marks, which can not be easily modified.” Chu Zihang finally said. “As long as the Cassell Academy is interested in anyone, they can always be investigated and found out.”

The people around them flowed like water around rocks.

After a long silence, Sasha’s body relaxed from being tight as a bow. He looked at Chu Zihang again. “Cassell Academy?”

Of course, they can’t really use force in such a public space. The offensive posture was just Sasha’s stress response.

Chu Zihang flipped the collar of his suit and showed Sasha the silver coat of arms pinned inside it. On the coat of arms was a huge tree with lush branches on one half and completely withered on the other half.

“I’ve never heard of it, and never seen that emblem.” Sasha shook his head.

“I think the captain may recognize this emblem. I’m referring to the real captain.”

“What do you want?”

“I just want to meet the captain. I know there is a hidden rule on this boat. The person who gambles the most is eligible to go up to see the captain.” Chu Zihang raised the suitcase in his hands. “I prepared funds before I arrived here.”

Sahsa glanced at the sturdy suitcase. The suitcase seemed to be right. High gamblers liked to carry such suitcases, full of two million dollars in cash. Two million dollars is not a lot. Some gamblers have subordinates to help carry a dozen or so cash boxes in and out. But if he just wants to meet the captain, two million should be fine.

“Okay,” Sasha shrugged. “It’s okay to take you to the captain, but I must first wish you good luck.”

“Wish me luck?”

The captain doesn’t like to see outsiders very much. If he sees an outsider and doesn’t like him, that guy will be brainwashed. Brainwashed people end up a little messed up if it doesn’t go right.” Sasha said. “I don’t want you to be so unlucky.”

#Dragon Raja #Novel Translation

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gothic-safari-clown · 4 years

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The Mind’s Power Over the Body

PART THREE: REMINISCENCE

Story Summary: They only ever had each other. It had been that way since high school, ever since Elianna transferred to dreary Arlen and took Jonathan under her wing. They go separate ways for college, and when they’re reunited at Arkham Asylum professionally, Elianna comes to find that they’ve both changed during their time separated. Can she look past the promise of danger and stay by Jonathan’s side as they slide further and further into the darkness while she grapples to come to terms with the truth about herself? Can she accept what needs to be done in order to hold onto the only person who holds any meaning in her life? This is a very self-indulgent AU that draws from several different canons of the DCU and ignoring others, starting in the Batman Begins Nolanverse. This will follow the plot of the movie, although the timeline has been very slightly tweaked.

TW for bullying & choking

Part One / Part Two

Word count: 4427

When her alarm went off the next morning, Elianna awoke with an inspiring vigor for the day, doing her makeup and getting dressed in record time. She was excited actually to start working in a place that needed her; the main reason she had decided to move her career to Gotham—besides Jonathan, of course—was the dire and consistent need of psychiatrists to treat and diagnose the high concentration of criminals with psychological disorders in the city. As crude as it sounded, abnormal psychology had always been her favorite field of study, and this city had the best chance of taking her career where she wanted it to be.

She greeted the parking guard with an excited grin, flashing her new badge, to which he gave an enthusiastic thumbs up and raised the gate to let her in. In a few short minutes, she entered into the lobby of the asylum, picked up her schedule from the friendly secretary, and as she moved toward the stairs, she did a quick scan of the lobby for her friend, and with no sign of him she headed up to her office.

A glance over her itinerary for the week told her that it would be filled with relatively low profile sessions brought to her office for her to speak with. Makes sense; I would probably ease in a new hire too, she thought to herself. However, there was one at the end of the week that caught her attention. A Victor Zsasz, who she would be speaking to in a secure room rather than in her office. A small note next to that slot further stated that there would be two guards accompanying her on the assignment rather than one; she couldn’t be sure if it was that note or something subconscious, but something about that name gave Elianna a sinking feeling of apprehension in her stomach that she found surprisingly liberating.

This sort of high profile patient had been exactly what she had secretly been hoping for in moving to the city. As satisfying as it was to help those in need, such as the people who had come to her office in California, this felt right, and she found herself both terrified and excited for that particular session.

In the meantime, she decided to prepare for the four appointments she had scheduled that day. They were all scheduled for that morning, leaving her afternoon free, presumably for paperwork. In the end, all four seem to go by very quickly, and Elianna easily built a rapport with all of them. Technically speaking, she didn’t truly believe that any of them needed to be in the facility. In this city, having a touch of anxiety was probably better than not. Of course, they wouldn’t have been admitted for illegitimate reasons, so she ultimately decided that she simply didn’t know them well enough to have reached the root of the problem yet.

Looking at the clock, Elianna saw that it was 1 PM and decided to take a break before filling out all of her paperwork to meet a few of her coworkers, and hopefully, finally, see Jonathan.

She found herself chatting with a Doctor Harleen Quinzel, a bubbly blonde with a Jersey accent who insisted that El call her “Harley.” The redhead quickly decided that she liked Doctor Quinzel, even if she seemed a bit quirky.

“I can’t believe they gave you that corner office with the window; it is to die for!” The blonde practically oozed with amicable jealously.

“I didn’t realize it was in such high demand.” El laughed and took a moment to admire her new friend’s good spirit, whose smile suddenly dropped a bit as she caught sight of something over El’s shoulder.

“Oh, act natural, don’t turn around,” Harley said in a hushed voice.

“What?” Elianna was confused and a little concerned. “What’s going on, why shouldn’t I—”

“Excuse me, I’m looking for a Doctor Montgomery?” A familiar voice said from behind the woman in question, and she gave a slow smile—finally—to which Harley quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t suppose either of you has seen her around.” El fought the urge to hug Jonathan when she turned around and finally saw his face.

“Jonathan, you jerk, the look on Harley’s face made me think it was someone important.” She teased, and then hugged him anyway, which he returned.

“Glad to see you still think of me as highly as you used to.” He said smugly as they separated; he seemed to have gotten better at handling physical contact, but she didn’t want to push it. Taking him in, she found herself slightly stunned. He looked…good.

“God, look at you, you’re not a stick anymore, you have color in your face and everything!” The redhead found herself smiling, so excited to see Jonathan—her Jonathan—for the first time in years. He returned her smile with a faint one of his own, telling her in its own way that he was also happy to see her, even if he wouldn’t say it out loud.

“Hold on, I’m sorry, you two know each other?” Harley chimed in from behind Elianna, bringing her back to reality.

“Oh, yes, I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I’m sure you two already know each other, but we actually went to high school together; we were the only two that weren’t complete assholes.” She explained, still a little giddy from the belated reunion.

“I wouldn’t say that; we just had boundaries,” Jonathan teased under his breath and shook Harley’s hand. “Good to see you again, Doctor Quinzel.”

“Wait, I thought you just moved here?” The blonde inquired to Elianna after giving their colleague a courteous nod.

“I did, we actually come from this tiny hick town in Georgia. Not that you could tell, thank goodness.”

“Aw, that’s fun that you’re both here now! In that case, I’ll leave you to catch up; I have an appointment to get to anyway. You two have fun, I’ll see you later El,” Harley gave her new friend a tight hug and a peck on the cheek before sashaying off to where she needed to be.

“Affectionate girl,” Jonathan quipped amusedly.

“Yeah, she’s a sweetheart.” Elianna smiled. “By the way, what did you do to her? The look on her face when she saw you really had me nervous for a second.”

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that I have some antisocial tendencies. As it turns out, it makes people nervous.”

“Yeah, most people. By the way, should we get to the part where you admit that you missed me, or are we just going to skip that altogether?” El teased, and Jonathan stood for a moment just looking at her with the faintest hint of a smile before glancing at his feet, and for that split second, he was that scrawny, awkward kid that she had known before.

“I did miss you,” he admitted quietly and suddenly made direct eye contact, and Elianna’s knees almost went weak. What the hell? Had his eyes always been that blue? Of course, he had never necessarily been unattractive, but it had been so hard to see through all of his misery and standoffishness. Well, she thought to herself, he still seems a bit standoffish, but confidence looks good on him.

“I wasn’t sure if you even knew I was here. I wanted to surprise you, actually.”

“Of course, I knew you were here. Who do you think made Sharpe read that essay you submitted in the first place?” He fired back with a slight smirk, and goddamn where did he learn to do that?

“I don’t know. I just assumed that he would read every submission resume he received. Does he not?” Jonathan shook his head.

“I happened to notice your name on a stack of folders on his desk during a meeting, and I made sure he would read it.”

“Wh- you knew the whole time?” She asked incredulously. “And you didn’t even send me a text or anything, you little rat.” Elianna faked upset, but once she thought about it, it actually made quite a bit of sense. Arkham was rather famous after all, and there were bound to be plenty of doctors as crazy as her applying regularly. And, she hated to think it, but the warden had seemed less than interested in taking a chance on hiring people, given his remark about someone else having quit “luckily for her.”

“Aww, you really did miss me, didn’t you?” She winked at him and nudged him with her elbow.

“Don’t make me repeat it,” he replied in an almost joking tone. “You’re still the only person I can actually tolerate.” He seemed to avoid the rest of that conversation by checking his watch. “And as much as I’d love to catch up some more, I also have an appointment to get to soon. Why don’t you come to my apartment tonight and we can catch up? I’ll text you the address.”

“Oh, sure, that sounds great.” He sent her the information, and they exchanged quick goodbyes, and El went back up to her office to finish her paperwork so that she would be ready to leave on time.

.xXx.

Elianna was still somewhat reeling from her friend’s newfound confidence when she left for the day. The last time that she had seen him, she had come to the city to visit for three days during college, and he couldn’t even ask for help on a report, and now he was able to blurt out “come to my apartment tonight” like it was nothing. All things considered, she was proud of him.

On the way to her car, Elianna found herself wondering if Jonathan had really changed that much in such a short amount of time. When she first met him, she had almost thought he was a ghost; he was so reserved. In fact, if she really thought about it, she could recall every detail of that day.

It had been her first day at Arlen High since moving to the town with her mother. Her parents had just been divorced, and her mother had thought that a small town would be a good change to the chaos of the city they had lived in, and Elianna could hardly believe that the spit of road could be considered “civilization.” As much as she enjoyed the spacious old home they had been able to afford, she wasn’t looking forward to the surely boring life they would lead there.

She had walked to school, and the whole time she couldn’t stop looking forward to finally being able to drive herself places. ‘Only a few months away.’ She had been immediately pegged as the new girl—unsurprising given the small student body—and had been swooped up by the popular crowd, one Sherry Squires, to be exact. She seemed horribly dull and shallow, but Elianna decided that letting Squires have her way would be the easiest way to make friends and survive the next few years.

However, the skinny, quiet boy with whom she had shared several classes had somehow caught her attention. Very unusual, given that he didn’t seem to speak to anyone and quietly did his work the whole time. Maybe it was the bitterness rolling off of him, or maybe that the lack of socialization in a room full of obnoxious teenagers, but something about him was just…distinctly different.

During the last passing period of the day, while expressing idle interest in whatever the hell Sherry was jabbering about, she had noticed that same boy shuffling through the hall on his own. Before El could ask Squires what his deal was, Bo Griggs, your stereotypical dumb jock, had schlepped over to him and shoulder checked him into the wall, his books tumbling to the floor while Sherry snickered.

“Looks like Ichabod is in for a pounding,” she sounded maliciously gleeful of that fact, and her arms cattily crossed over her chest only highlighted that fact.

“Ichabod?” Like the Sleepy Hollow character? It was a weird name, but alright.

“Oh, his real name is Jonathan, but nobody cares about that,” Sherry had explained dismissively. “His last name is Crane, like the character from that book or whatever, but he’s just so scrawny and weird, we all just call him Ichabod or Scarecrow.” El had nodded in understanding and watched with conflicted emotions as Jonathan did his best to ignore the taunting and shoving directed at him. However, her mind was made up when a particularly nasty push sent the boy to the floor, hitting his head on the wall as he fell.

“Okay, no! That’s enough,” she had spoken up before she even realized what she was doing. Sherry and Bo both seemed equally shocked as they looked at her in confusion, Bo actually stepping away from his quarry. “What the hell is your problem?” Bo’s face had turned red.

“It’s about to be you, new bitch.” He had snarled and took a few steps toward her.

“Sure, I get that, you’re intimidated by my brain cell count, but seriously, is that what the big deal is? You couldn’t find anyone more stupid and pathetic than you, so you take out our insecurities on him? Grow up; I think more people here relate to that than you think.” She snapped with a pointed look at Sherry, who gaped at El as she brushed past Bo like it was nothing. Wasting no time, she gathered Jonathan’s books in a pile with her own and hauled him up by the arm, dragging him down the hall and away from the crowd. If this was to be the only class they didn’t share, she would be very embarrassed.

“Is your head alright?” She had asked the boy—'Jonathan, his name is Jonathan'—as she handed back his books.

“It’s fine.” Hm. Not talkative. Shocker.

“It looked like you hit pretty hard from where I was standing, are you sure?”

“I’ve had worse.”

“Yeah, not surprised, given that bunch.” She had turned to look at him as she spoke; he seemed to have been distancing himself as much as he could without being rude. “I’m Elianna, by the way.”

“I know. You and your mother moved into the house next to ours. And you just ruined any chance you had of fitting in here.” She had shrugged, already knowing the second part.

“So what, I’m used to that. Besides, why would I want to fit in with those guys?” The corner of Jonathan’s mouth had twitched up in some facsimile of a smile.

“Hell if I know.” He had muttered. “But either way, it’ll just get worse if you hang around me, you might want to keep your distance.” He added flatly, all traces of any kind of personality from a second before gone.

Look, I believe you, but I’d rather not. I doubt I can get any standing back now, and you seem much more interesting anyway.“ She had shrugged, to which Jonathan shook his head.

"I mean it. Keep your distance.” He had repeated and sped up, leaving her behind in the hallway with his much longer legs. It had been awkward that period when the teacher had assigned her to sit in the empty seat next to him.

Looking back, it hadn’t altogether been a bad day. She had quickly established herself as someone not to be taken lightly, which had subsequently gotten her into some tight spots with the “popular” crowd. Besides that, even if it took a few extra weeks after Jonathan had realized that she wasn’t going to leave him alone, she had finally gotten him to open up a bit to her. It was strange to think about how far they had come.

Even more so when she pulled up outside of Jonathan’s apartment building, from what she could tell on the outside, each unit was fairly spacious; it seemed that he had done well for himself, although he hadn’t been very picky about his living spaces for the most part. Unsurprising, given the conditions that his grandmother had kept him in. He had dragged himself out of the pits of hell into a (presumably) swanky apartment and a fairly prestigious job; she couldn’t help but be impressed.

It didn’t take her long to find a spot in guest parking, take the elevator up seven floors and knock on his door. When Jonathan answered the door, he was still in his work clothes minus the suit jacket, indicating that he had only barely gotten home himself.

“Hello, love,” El greeted him with a quick hug before stepping inside and slipping her shoes off. She took a moment to take in the living area. It was furnished with that type of sturdy yet elegant old furniture, which suited him well. She had been right; it was a good size on the inside, just enough room for him and his stacks of research books and papers to be somewhat scattered around. Altogether, it built that sort of rustic studious aesthetic that she had always associated with him. “Very nice,” she commented approvingly.

“It’s certainly a few steps up from granny’s,” He agreed as he closed the door behind her.

“Yeah, quite a few,” El agreed. She had only been inside of his childhood home once, and only for a minute or two at Jonathan’s behest; he had been afraid that the old woman would wake up and catch him speaking to someone. “I see you still never learned to clean up after yourself, though.” She teased with a passing glance at a sheet of notes on a patient with severe agoraphobia.

“Please, I was there when you rearranged your room, don’t try to pretend I’m any worse than you are.” He shot back good-naturedly as they sat on the couch.

“At least none of that stuff was important,” she protested, gesturing to the stack of notes and diagnoses she had just looked at. “And is my mind playing tricks on me, or did your handwriting somehow get worse?”

“You hush,” he said, settling into the cushion next to her, resting a hand on her knee when she leaned against the armrest and draped her legs over his lap, both of them acting as though it was the most natural thing in the world, and for them it was. “How was California? Did it meet your expectations?”

“Yeah, for a while, eventually, I just got bored. What about Gotham?”

“Fine. Better than Arlen anyway. A fresh start can be useful, I suppose.” El nodded understandingly. Georgia really had been horrible to him. She supposed that she could attribute Gotham to his success and growth. She laid her head back against the armrest, thinking. “How did we let it get this long since we’ve talked?” She asked and rolled her head to the side to look at him. He’d let his head fall on the back of the couch and was staring at the ceiling as he shook his head.

“I don’t know,” he replied quietly and turned his head to the side without lifting it to look back at her. El found herself rememorizing everything about his face. He had changed so much. Again, it wasn’t as though he had ever been bad to look at, she mused to herself. A little skinny, maybe, but now that his face had filled out to match his cheekbones and could afford to eat regularly, he looked healthier. Even his hair was thicker, and maybe even a little bit darker, which made the blue of his eyes stand out shockingly. She could easily see how his maintained eye contact would be unsettling to someone who didn’t know him as well as she did.

In fact, the only thing about him that had stayed entirely unchanged was the subtle darkness that sat just behind the surface of those piercing eyes, and she knew exactly why.

“Have you been able to keep him under control?” She couldn’t help the soft question that came out. Over the silence of the apartment, her quiet voice sounded like a sin.

“For the most part,” Jonathan replied equally quietly. “There have been some…incidents few and far between, but other than that fine.” He blinked, and after a beat, he confessed, “He wants to talk to you.”

Elianna’s heart sunk to the floor, and she shook her head. The man sitting before her was her friend, but the Scarecrow terrified her. He was unpredictable and sadistic, and he turned Jonathan into something disturbing. “You know I wouldn’t let him,” he reassured El. “I won’t let him slip around you again.” El shivered involuntarily as she remembered what he meant.

It had been during that time that she had visited him during college. She had only been in one class that semester, and the professor had given everyone a week off while the air conditioning duct in his classroom needed to be repaired. Jonathan had seemed stressed during their weekly phone call, and she had some money saved up, so she had taken advantage of this opportunity to fly to Gotham and visit Jonathan for a few days.

As a rule, he didn’t like surprises, but Elianna had been able to tell that he was relieved to see her. He had even hugged her as she arrived and seemed glad to have her staying with him in his campus apartment for a few days.

On her first night there, they had taken a walk around campus after dark, and her suspicion that something was wrong was confirmed when his usual silence was strained, as were his short replies to her questions.

“Maybe we should go back; you clearly aren’t doing alright.” She had suggested gently, laying her hand on his arm, to which he had nodded slowly and taken a shaky breath.

“He’s trying to get out,” El had immediately known who he was talking about, even if she had never technically seen Scarecrow before. “Classes are really taking a lot out of me, and I don’t know if I can-” There had been a brief moment of dissociation, and when Jonathan’s eyes came back into focus, it wasn’t him.

“I don’t think we’ve met yet,” Scarecrow had started. “But you know I’ve been here longer than you have.” He finished smugly. The voice was Jonathan’s but rougher, and his eyes were filled with a sudden life at the prospect of whatever Scarecrow had in mind for her.

“Where is Jonathan?” She had barely been able to ask the question; something about the way he was looking at her made her horribly uneasy.

“Aw, what? You don’t like me?” Scarecrow had asked mockingly, stepping closer when she didn’t answer. She was frozen to the spot. “Do I scare you?” He continued, and her continued silence was the exact answer he had been looking for. “Good.”

Without any warning, after a moment of stillness, he had lunged for her, and somehow Elianna had managed to duck out of the way just in time and took off in the other direction with Scarecrow in close pursuit. She was looking for a place she might be able to hide, but her unfamiliarity with the campus had betrayed her, and just as she thought that she had lost him, he suddenly rounded the corner in front of her.

Her scream had been cut short when he had pinned her against the nearby wall with his forearm across her throat. He looked like he was saying something to her, but she couldn’t focus on what it was over the rushing blood in her ears. However, she could see with her fading vision Scarecrow using Jonathan’s body to laugh at her. She was going fuzzy around the edges, and the only thought that she had been able to manage was that she would die there.

Just as the last of her vision was beginning to fade and her lungs were screaming for air, the horrible grin had vanished, and she could see the difference as Jonathan had regained control with a panicked look on his face. The next thing El knew, he was helping her off the ground; she must have fallen when he removed his arm from her neck. Despite the knowledge that Scarecrow was gone, she had pulled herself out of his grip, opting to use the wall for support instead. The back of her head ached, and she had coughed hard, still struggling for breath and rubbing the growing bruise on her neck.

She had never seen anyone look so terrified and apologetic as Jonathan’s mouth silently opened and closed, fumbling for words. It wasn’t until his eyes fell to her throat that he stilled, sucking in a deep breath. The traces of tears in his eyes told El everything that she needed to know, and without another second of hesitation, she had thrown her arms around him in a tight embrace. She could remember how he had squeezed her back, and they stood there like that for a few minutes, both trembling from the close call. Finally, they had walked back to his apartment in silence and hadn’t even mentioned it since.

Until now.

El took a deep breath before finally asking, “Can you promise me that you have him under control?” He nodded silently in response.

“Never again, El. I promise.” He added a few seconds later. His answer seemed to satisfy the redhead, and she let herself relax again.

They stayed like that for a few more hours, sometimes talking and sometimes sitting in comfortable silence. When she left, Elianna managed to coax another hug out of him on her way out the door and stretched up to kiss his cheek, not an unusual thing for her to do, but he blushed faintly just like he always did at the affection. She smiled to herself on her way back to her car. He really wasn’t that different from the timid boy she had taken under her wing all those years ago, a soothing thought to send her home.

#the mind's power over the body #jonathan crane #scarecrow #batman begins #nolanverse #elianna montgomery #jonathan crane x ofc #slight au #multi chapter fic #fanfiction #attraction to the insane #cillian murphy #cillian murphy scarecrow #tmpotb chapter 3

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chocolatetakoyakis · 5 years

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• SAINT SEIYA - HOW THE GOLD SAINT + SHION WOULD REACT TO THEIR CRUSH S/O BEING DRUNK AF ? • ( they may be drunk as well...)

PART 1

MU - ARIES GOLD SAINT :

- think it’s funny at first because he is not used to see you like this.

- is happy that you are having fun at the moment but secretly wants to see your face tomorrow when he or the other will tell you what you did and said.

- is not really annoyed by you, whatever the type of drunk you are because he thinks you’re cute in all of your state ( especially the Sad one because you’re often whining about you being single so he can comfort you by telling you cute things he would never said to you if you were not drunk )

- but becomes quickly concern about what you’re doing especially if you are becoming clumsy when you’re dancing or something. ( he doesn’t want you dead because you accidentally overturn Deathmask’s beer on the floor )

- if you feel sick, he is basically the one who is gonna help you by taking you outside so you can breath fresh air. And even if you’re at the edge of vomiting he’ll be there maybe with the help of Aldebaran or some other gold Saints but will never tell you about it because he doesn’t want you to be ashamed in front him.

- is basically the mama friend that doesn’t drunk that much to secretly keep an eye on you

- will never obligate you anything like « stop drunking, you should eat more, go to bed » because he knows you can handle yourself like the beautiful independent woman you are, he is just here in case of something dangerous could happen to you.

- is pissed when someone try to flirt with you.

- a lot of : I am here S/O don’t worry I’ll stay by your side.

ALDEBARAN- TAURUS GOLD SAINT :

- Like Mu he is a mama friend

- adorable and play along with you because usually you’re are both drunk.

- him being a gold Saint he is less touch by alcohol so he can keep an eye on you.

- glaring at everyone who would make you do dangerous thing. But will not stop you if you really wanna do it but trust me he’ll crush the other if you ended up hurt.

- a lot of jokes, love to make you laugh

- will finish your drink if you’re playing an alcohol game and you can’t stand anymore

- lets you win an arm wrestling with him and says : I swear to Hades that I didn’t let you win s/o ! I PROMISE ! ( poor Hades )

- you being drunk you believed him.

- a lot of : you’re really cute being drunk s/o

SAGA - GEMINI GOLD SAINT :

- Well... I don’t really know who is taking care of who with this man

- didn’t want to drink at first ( because of Ares maybe, like you know he’ll loose control and strip lol. Classic )

- watching his Crush drinking with the other will kill his moral because he really wanna enjoy the night with them. But stay in his corner quiet and listening whatever they’re talking until the moment where his S/O crush threatens him to kick his ass if he stay here just eating peanuts. ( you’re really courageous by the way because fuck he can send you to another FUCKING DIMENTION DAMN )

- so everyone noticed him and made him drink something

- Kanon being Kanon provoked Saga by telling him that he is afraid of drinking because he cannot stand strong Alcohol.

- Saga getting pissed by his twin and drank 3 bottles of Whiskey.. and now he is drunk like completely drunk I mean DRUUUUUUUNK AF.

- s/o felling bad because HELL YEAH EVERYTHING IS BECAUSE OF YOU stay by Saga’s side the whole night listening to him apologizing to Aiolios again and again and again.

- also tried to end his life by jumping from a chair. ( Kanon basically said : DO A FLIP bro )

- is hugging his Crush while saying « Sorry Athena » and is extremely affectionate.

- no one is gonna tell him what happen last night because they’re happy that he spent a good night and feels better days by days

Anyway you two are complete chaos.

A lot of : S/O i loo.lo....looove yo..o..ou .ouu so many many many.

* KANON - 2ND GEMINI GOLD SAINT :

- Expect him to be drunk af with you. Like really.

- want to stay by your side all the night even after the party ( understand what you want to understand)

- very touchy. like small kiss on the cheek and all because his Logic Is basically « SHE IS NOT GONNA REMEMBER A DAMN THING » but isn’t taking advantage of you don’t worry just small attention then he’ll never do again.

- will do it only if he knows that you’re ( even a little ) attracted to him.

- is pissed when you call him Saga like really and pouts for one hour before drinking again

- a lot of Challengens.

- want a kiss if he wins obviously.

- Always has an arm around your shoulders because he doesn’t want ANY GOLD SAINT TO FLIRT WITH YOU EVEN FOR JOKING BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A JOKE TO HIM.

- you having to separate Saga and Kanon because FUCK they’re gonna kill each other.

- will Wake up in your room on the floor while you’re still sleeping on your couch and hardly remember the night.

A lot of : i would steal Poseidon trident one more time for your beautiful eyes.

* DEATHMASK / ANGELO - CANCER GOLD SAINT :

- GOD DAMN like ZEUS DAMN !

- the worst and the best at the same time.

- is more drunk than you and very aggressive toward everyone. Will even glare at you when you’re talking to the others gold Saints.

- will be pissed because HE WANTS YOU TO TALK TO HIM BUT HE IS ACTING LIKE A DICK THE WHOLE NIGHT.

- doesn’t noticed but is a blushing mess next to you

- « can I drink with you ? » « Of course you DumbAss is there a name on that DAMN CHAIR ?! »

- will take advantage of you being drunk to get to know you without mess up his image of the SCARY CANCER SAINT.

- will try to kill Aphrodite because he noticed that deathmask was actually romantically flirting with his Crush and told the others

- you stopping him by holding his hand

- ERROR 303

- HIM FALLING ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE HE DIDNT EXPECT SUCH A CONTACT WITH YOU.

- well you spent a great time with deathmask while talking even if he was a little cold.

- A lof of : not that I’m really interested in your life but what’s your favorite flowers ?

* AIOLIA - LEO GOLD SAINT :

- Tries to act like an alpha Male

- but failed, he cannot control you lol

- is really worried about his crush being drunk with the other especially Milo.

- doesn’t know what to do if any of his friends try to hit on you ( it would never happen because they all know that the poor Leo is madly in love with you )

- tries to orient you toward less dangerous and idiotic activities like watching the sky, eating and even going to bed.

- very jealous.

- you telling him he is no fun

- HEATBROKEN like really

- aiolos telling him that you didn’t mean it and your drunk af

- you apologizing because he was so cute with a light kiss on the cheek

- EGO BOOST X 999999

- will end up drink a little with you but not that much.

A lot of : s/o you should not do that with them ! It’s dangerous

* SHAKA - VIRGO GOLD SAINT :

- doesn’t know why the fuck he is here. Like really doesn’t know..

- anyway now he is here he is gonna have good time I guess.

- DOESNT DRINK AT AT All

- you are the only reason he stays here with those drunk idiots. ( he was about to leave when he finally saw you coming and he decided to stay , Mu looking at him like : REALLY NIGGA ? )

- he is acting like he doesn’t care about you but inside he is very pissed that you are having fun while being drunk with the others.

- if you’re about to do something crazy he is gonna stop you by teleporting you next to him. And looking at you with his deep scary blue eyes.

- Shaka being known as very sage and pure you’ll listen to him ( lol not like AIOLIA )

- Spiritual conversations ( you being drunk you totally don’t know what he is talking about be anyway you like spending time with him so Ok why not )

- you actually sleeping in front of him because he made you sleep with all his stories.

- he will teleport you to your room with a warm smile on his face because he avoided you to being like the other drunk monkeys.

- Nobody in the room noticed that you two leaves the party.

- a lot of: You should not do that S/O, you’re not like them

* DOHKO - LIBRA GOLD SAINT :

- Well was sent by Shion at First but ended up partying with the other

- noticed you first and Came to talk to you because damn you looked so beautiful in that dress

- realizing that you were completely drunk because you almost fell on him while you were walking

- found it cute and funny and decided to spend the night with you

- is also drinking while listening to you telling him what happened before he arrives ( like saga falling from a chair / deathmask having a coma and all )

- flirt with you in a very gentleman way

- everyone noticed and found it cute

- him wanting to dance with you

- A LOT OF PDA

- him always having a charming smile while talking to you because he really enjoy the moment and hope you’ll remember everything tomorrow.

- Support you when you’re doing a drinking contest because even if you are dead drunk he’ll be by your side so nothing could happen to you.

- a lot of : I should have come sooner ! I would have spend more time with you...

Here is the part 1 aha, hope you enjoy it. I didn’t know we were able to put only 10 pictures 😭 but anyway I’ll post it later in the day

#saintseiya #saineseiyaheadcanon #saintseiyaimagine #saintseiyagoldsaint #saintseiyafiction #saintseiyaoneshot #saintseiyaxreader #Mu #Aldebaran #Saga #Kanon #Shaka #Aiolia #dohko #saintseiyaoc #saintseiyaxso

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years

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Episode 7: Q&A

Let’s just dive right into this. Spoilers are heading your way.

1:00 - Malcolm why did you try to talk to the strange man in the dark?!?! It’s not safe you giant doofus.

1:33 - Gil looks very annoyed and concerned here. This is a man who would ground Malcolm’s ass if he could.

1:51 - See how Gil’s hands are on his hips? That’s exactly the position Malcolm was in when he was talking to Dani when he was high. Coincidence? I think not. Pretty sure Malcolm is subconsciously trying to imitate Gil whenever he can because Gil is Malcolm’s definition of a good man.

2:24 - Another instance when Dani directly asks Malcolm if he’s okay.

2:35 - Edrisa is one strange lady. She doesn’t even look mildly grossed out by the state of those bodies.

3:53 - Check out JT’s face here. He looks somewhere halfway between annoyed with and concerned for Malcolm. Gil on the other hand is too busy trying to keep Malcolm from jumping off the deep end to be annoyed with him.

4:25 - Does anyone else find it odd that mother and daughter are sitting so far apart on this bench? I mean, I know they’re fighting right now but still.

5:00 - “I am far more worried now.” She should be. Ainsley is trying to out manipulate Martin. That’s concerning because a) Martin is a dangerous psychopath and b) Ainsley, to a certain degree, is exhibiting behaviour that probably reminds Jessica of Martin.

7:00 - I’m starting to believe that Edrisa might be on the autism spectrum. She seems to have trouble reading the mood of a room. She often rambles. She is socially awkward. She talks with her hands a lot. She is very intelligent. She’s a functioning adult but many people with autism are functioning adults if they had proper support as children. Then again, it’s possible she grew up in a home with stereotypical Asian parents who forced her to study most of the day and severely limited her opportunities to socialize in a non-academic setting.

7:11 - hahaha Gil’s face here. He’s like “Why do I like these two freaks? Why do they look borderline excited in the middle of this morbid situation?”

7:46 - I love the moment when Gil and Malcolm realize that they’re looking for a serial killer. Gil looks guilty. Like he’s blaming himself for not noticing that this murderer was loose sooner. Malcolm looks upset too but it looks like he’s more upset about the effect this is having on Gil than he is about the fact that there’s a serial killer on the loose. Both of my boys need a hug.

8:23 - They are waaayyy too lovey-dovey inside of Ainsley’s serial killer father’s prison cell. Like did they forget that they’re inside of a psychiatric facility for murderers?!?

9:00 - The fact that this interaction between Tevin and Ainsley is possible annoys me. I know it was necessary to forward the plot BUT why would two different secure doors be randomly wide open when a guard is moving a dangerous prisoner through the halls? I’m sure those doors are legally required to be heavy enough to close by themselves if no one props them open for safety reasons. (Just my small annoyance. Carry on.)

10:00 - hahaha I love JT. He clearly cares about Malcolm but he also doesn’t know what to say to a dude who is so manic and troubled.

10:22 - I love Dani going on a rant. It’s really sweet. It’s almost as if she knew that if she went on a rant Malcolm would be able to calm down and focus. Look at Malcolm’s reaction to her rant. He immediately calms down and tries to comfort Dani. He refocuses on the case. They are really good for each other’s mental health. They ground each other and I’m so grateful that they’re in each other’s lives.

11:05 - If Edrisa is technically part of the team - why doesn’t she just walk into the room? Why does she wave through the window to get Malcolm’s attention?

11:51 - We have reached a tipping point in Malcolm’s mental health. He just willingly admitted that he’s not okay. Someone sound the alarms. This will not end well. Our boy is going off the deep end....but at least he’s self aware?

12:00 - The first part of this interview (before Malcolm shows up) is hard to watch. It hurts to watch Martin twist everything into a positive about himself. It hurts to watch Ainsley try to twist everything in the opposite direction. These characters are more similar than I’d like to admit. They’re both obsessed with their outward appearance to the world. They’re obsessed with their own success. They’re driven by ambition. Sure, Ainsley is capable of empathy, and I don’t think she’d ever kill anyone but she’s definitely narcissistic. More so than Malcolm, whose isn’t narcissistic so much as he is obsessed with finding out the truth. More so than Jessica, who really just wants to be less lonely since the world abandoned her twenty years ago.

13:20 - This is a really interesting point that Martin brings up. He’s technically mentally ill. Does he deserve sympathy for it? I mean, he killed people. I have anxiety disorders and chronic depression. I have a bipolar uncle. A narcissistic grandmother diagnosed with manic depression with psychotic elements (actually, in a lot of ways my grandmother is like Martin Whitly). I understand mental illness. But the second that someone kills another person...that’s where my sympathy ends. At that point I don’t care if you’re mentally ill - you took someone else’s life for pleasure. You shouldn’t be getting fancy therapy and an all-expenses paid trip to a psychiatric hospital. You should be getting the electric chair. (Sorry if this is getting political - I’m generally against the death penalty but psychopathic serial killers and child abusers are the exception to my stance).

13:38 - The darkest of nights?!?! Martin you are making me so angry right now. You sleep like a baby. You have no conscience. That’s literally the definition of a psychopath. You have no dark nights. Your son on the other hand. UGH.

14:10 - *sigh* look at this. He’s making everything about him. In doing so he’s actually belittling his daughter and her career choice. What kind of a loving father does that?

15:44 - This little moment when Ainsley tells Malcolm that she’s staying is concerning to me. She is so desperate to find her father’s affectionate side that she watches her brother interact with him. She genuinely believes that she is the least favourite child.

16:30 - In this scene Martin says he’s never been to the Bronx. But by the end of this episode we find out that Martin briefly worked at St. Edwards Hospital in the Bronx. Just more proof that Martin is a liar. I don’t know what else to tell you.

17:10 - Look at that face. That is a man who doesn’t care about his son. That is a man who will say anything to keep Malcolm in the room. To play with Malcolm’s head. That is not a father. That is a monster. Look at how sad Malcolm looks by the end of this interaction. How upset. How scared. He is genuinely starting to believe that he might’ve helped his Dad hurt someone.

18:56 - Ainsley’s excitement to walk back into that room is concerning. There is ambition and there is obsession. She is obsessed. It isn’t healthy.

19:25 - “I’d like to discuss one more. Malcolm.” This scene absolutely shatters my heart. For multiple reasons. a) Ainsley just put her career before her brother. She is intentionally starting a conversation that she knows will upset her brother (in front of her brother) because she believes that it will get the results she needs. This is one of the reasons I believe Ainsley is the Whitly child most similar to Martin. AND b) look at Malcolm’s reactions. He is utterly heartbroken. He feels betrayed by his sister. Embarrassed that his father knows about his diagnoses. Embarrassed that this discussion about his mental health is being filmed for television. He looks so sad and defeated here. I just want to hug him. AND FINALLY c) Martin is incapable of even acknowledging that his action have had any sort of negative impact on Malcolm.

20:15 - And there he is. The most honest form of Martin Whitly. Angry. Explosive. Violent. Things aren’t going his way and that’s unacceptable to him.

20:53 - Another moment that annoys me about this episode. How convenient is it that the alarm starts going off JUST as Martin finishes his little outburst? It’s just timed a little too coincidentally. I know I know. It’s necessary for the plot and the time constraint of the episode.

21:24 - Look at that. Three people concerned about your shaky handed boy. My heart is full.

22:18 - Ainsley and Malcolm laughing over their Mom’s phone calls is cute. BUT I feel like Malcolm should be a little more upset with Ainsley right now. I know they’re in a lockdown situation and he probably doesn’t want to fight with her in case that something bad happens to one of them but still. Siblings fight. She treated him poorly. He should be mad at her right now. Malcolm’s acting like nothing happened.

23:55 - Martin is the worst. He really refuses to answer his children’s relevant questions until the camera is rolling. Ugh. Mr. David is not getting paid enough to deal with this family.

25:40 - It’s absolutely disgusting that Martin is so unconcerned when both of this children are in danger, in his presence. Also can someone please explain to me why there was a crow bar in the camera equipment bag? Like for real? That’s not a thing I can see Claremont security approving to enter a serial killer’s cell.

27:00 - It’s not often that I believe that Malcolm is the most rational person in the room (excluding Mr. David of course) but Ainsley and Martin are positively crazy in this scene. Ainsley is desperate and scared but Martin is manipulating her. At least Malcolm has enough common sense to keep a knife away from a serial killer.

28:34 - The flashback. Martin is holding Malcolm’s hands, guiding the knife. Did Malcolm fight his father before this moment? Was Malcolm drugged into submission? I really need to know more about this. Malcolm looks terrified in the flashback though - he definitely didn’t take the knife willingly.

29:00 - Look at Malcolm’s face. That is pure terror. That is internal conflict. He wants to help his sister. He would do anything for her because he’s her big brother and big brothers are protective. BUT he’s also terrified of giving his father a knife. AND he’s terrified of the flashback that he just had. Look at Malcolm’s face when Martin takes the scalpel. Holy crap. That boy is not sleeping tonight.

31:02 - Another instance where I really don’t support Ainsley. Video tapping the un-consented surgery (yes it was an emergency, I know) performed by a serial killer on her boyfriend. Like. Dude. No. So not appropriate. But she’s doing it a) to try and earn her father’s love and attention and b) she thinks the story will help her career. It’s all about her. And that scares me.

32:45 - JT and Dani look concerned again. They’re like “What’s the dumbass going to do now?”

33:00 - I love this scene. Gil and Jessica. This conversation is sweet, and intimate in a way that only people with a shared concern can be. How many conversations do you think they’ve had over the years about Malcolm and Ainsley? They’re both worried about their kids. It’s precious and I love it. Also - another example of how Jessica’s heart is in the right place. She really does love her children.

35:15 - New York Direct News?!? I thought Ainsley worked for American Direct News? Did Malcolm purposely use a different network name?

35:55 - Is Malcolm giving that look to Ainsley or Martin? I can’t tell.

37:40 - I feel you Jessica. I feel you girl. He’s playing with both of your children’s hearts now. You are justified in being livid.

38:18 - Concerned Papa Gil for the win! :) <3

39:24 - I’m really glad that Malcolm is at least aware that his father is playing with he and Ainsley.

40:55 - I love how this episode ends. A rare, intimate moment between Malcolm and his mother. A softer side of Jessica we rarely see, comforting her upset son. Followed by a confused, terrified and equally vulnerable side of Jessica going to the basement.

Dang. This one got long. Sorry. Thanks for hanging out. I’ll post again soon.

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