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theskyeandsea · 4 years ago

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When You Get What You Want... || Cutler & Skylar

Timing: Late January 19th, shortly after this chatzy

Location: Clarke’s Convenience Store

Tagging: @clarkesconvenience & @theskyeandsea

Description: Skylar’s rampage around town continues; Cutler offers a helping hand.

Warnings: Drug use, addiction, body horror, memory loss, medical blood

Disoriented and covered in flour and blood, Skylar stumbled down the road away from the shop, a giddy smile still on her face as her feet began to skip across the pavement. She bounded down the road before turning abruptly, eyes caught by the displays in the window. Staggering forward, she pressed her fingers against the glass and the same sticking sensation filled her. The atoms and molecules and all the tiny parts of what made her a person shifted until she was crashing into the center of the convenience store. With a dazed grin on her face, Skylar began to push displays over. Blood trickled down the side of her face from her ear, a clean jagged section of her earlobe ripped free and stuck in the glass of the convenience store. She barely noticed as the liquid splattered across the clean floors while she shoved at the shelves. Cutler had been mentally preparing himself for a break-in since he had come home. It was bound to happen eventually, as it had for his parents several times over the course of his childhood. When it did, he would handle it the same way his parents had: with calm, slow movements and total compliance.

It didn’t go that way.

For one thing, he had expected it to happen while the shop was open and the money would still be in the register. Instead, the crashing sound of displays being toppled downstairs had awoken him in the early hours of the morning. The cool and collected man of his practiced break-in fantasies was quickly replaced with a groggy version of himself in a wrinkled t-shirt and boxers, squinting in the dim light.

Slowly, he took in the scene before him in pieces. Spidery crimson tracks spilling down pale skin and dripping onto waxed tile, collapsed shelving units spilling all manner of dried goods onto the floor, and a familiar, crazed look behind wide, dark pupils. He had dealt with this many times in the ER. Well, maybe not this, exactly, but he knew intoxication when he saw it. His hand hovered over the light switch to his right and he called out before clicking the buzzing fluorescents on above them, “You need some help.” A statement, not a question; carried with the arrogant weight of medical school behind it. “I can patch that up for you.”

Stepping on bags of spices, Skylar took particular joy in watching as the dried herbs crumbled under her shoes. She ran her hand along the shelves, knocking more and more of the goods onto the ground, blood dripping across the crinkly bags. And then, she realized she wasn’t alone. Someone had entered from the back of the shop. Skylar spun around to look at him, tilting her head at him quizzically. “Help? I don’t need help, I have all the help I need.” She said with a giddy smile on her face, her teeth bright and gleaming in the lowlight. “Don’t want patches, nope, I don’t need another patchwork skin, nuh uh.” She said to herself, rubbing the sores on her arms as she spoke. She could feel something leaking from the raw abscesses that dotted her legs, but the pain was like a distant memory, far far away from her right now.

Bright white light washed over the store, revealing the full extent of the damage. Product littered the floor under the shifting soles of his unsteady guest. Cutler dropped his hand from the light switch and walked forward, sidestepping the lentil spillage by his feet. “Uh huh.” The wheels in his mind ground against each other, desperately trying to wake up in time to process the finer details of the situation that wouldn’t come together. Sharpened teeth inside a lazy grin and his front door still locked and unbroken; pieces of a puzzle that refused to click. “Can I take a look?” The wounds on her body were various levels of depth and severity, ranging from dark and old to bright and fresh. The whip-sharp crack of a brown paper bag crinkling under his foot caused him to freeze in place. He stared, cautious and gentle, afraid she would startle like a wild animal. His hand extended slowly, pale pink underside raised to her in timid surrender. “I’m not gonna hurt you. You know it makes it worse when you scratch them.” His voice continued in a muted string of comforting sound, filling the space between them. “Nothing intensive. Just get something on that ear, stop the bleeding. Do a once over for breaks and fractures, maybe disinfect those sores. If it’s food you want, I can get you some of that, too.”

Skylar watched as the man continued to walk towards her, slow, so slow. She didn’t want to slow down, she didn’t want to pause to stop and think and let all the thoughts she’d left behind catch back up to her. She just wanted to ride this wild, cresting high as far as it would take her and this man? No, no, no, he seemed like he’d put a stop to it. When he asked to look at her, Skylar squinted at him. “Why?” She asked. He took another step and then froze for some reason that she wasn’t quite sure of. There was a muffled sound, but she couldn’t tell what it was. Running her finger tips around her ears, Skylar remembered why. “Oh, that makes sense.” She said, tapping the place where her hearing aids normally rested. Focusing back on the man, she laughed. “You can’t hurt me, even if you wanted to. Even if I wanted you to,” Skylar paused, staring down at the blood that covered her. Looking up at him abruptly, she asked, “Do you think I need help?” Cutler watched her fingers lower from her ears, slick with blood. There was no alarm in her face as they came away, only a laugh that felt discordant and wrong. Even if I wanted you to. When her eyes met his, he felt his heart clatter against his ribcage with deafening irregularity. Something distinctly inhuman looked back at him. Or maybe it was the lack of something. “I do.” He replied, hoping his honesty would cut through the frenetic, animalistic energy to the person behind it. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know. Accepting help.”

Another step toward her. She was almost within his reach now. He blinked slowly, a prayer running across the back of his eyelids: Please don’t fight me. “At the very least, let me get some gauze on that. You’re bleeding all over my floor.” His hand reached up and touched his own ear instinctively, brushing against his full intact earlobe. He ran his tongue across the flat backs of his own teeth, feeling the square edges. Hers were definitely unnatural. Modified, maybe. “I haven’t even asked your name. How rude of me.” A ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, echoing the grin he might have worn in lighter circumstances. “I’m Cutler. And you are?”

He thought she needed help. But so had everyone else and that wasn’t what she’d wanted. Erin and Morgan and Leah and even Shiloh and Rio. They all said they wanted to help, but how could she know that? Skylar mulled over his words, tapping her fingers against her chin, ignoring the way the pads of her fingers stuck to her skin. All of them knew her, they all knew her and they knew what she was and who she was and even if they didn’t know why she was-- Skylar didn’t know why she was even though she could remember every pretty little pill she’d swallowed-- they knew what she should be. And this man didn’t. So maybe that made his help real. “Okay.” She said blithely, not realizing how much tension hung between the two of them. “Oh, but there is. Because people will help you and help you and help you and then one day, they leave. Because they’re too tired of putting up with all your shit and think it’s better to quit while they’re ahead.” She said earnestly.

At the mention of his floors, Skylar glanced down to the mess of crushed herbs and ruined inventory that were spattered with a thick trail of blood. “Oh. Whoops. I have a lot,” She said with a nod, before gesturing around at the mess. “Of blood. Lots of blood. This is… probably okay.” She said with a shrug. Squinting at him, Skylar repeated his name. “Cut-ler.” She let out a slight giggle, wondering where her knife had gone. Cutler. She could make that literal. “I’m Skylar.” She said, before looking expectantly at him. “So, are you going to help me not bleed all over your floors?”

Cutler listened intently. Someone had hurt this girl, and he didn't intend to be the next in the long line of grievances she had suffered. "If people desert you, that's their shame. Not yours." The contempt in his voice bled through and he swallowed it back down into his stomach. "I'm not going anywhere."

He followed her gaze down to the floor, and back up to her nonchalant shrug. "That's me. You ever go by Sky? I've gone by Cut to my friends." His mouth moved on it's own, giving his mind a chance to catch up with the unreality of the situation.

"It is a lot of blood, huh. Whooole lotta blood. Still limited supply, though." A deep sigh shot downward as his hands drifted to the resting spot on his hips where his apron drawstrings usually hung. He focused his gaze back on Skylar, unwilling to think about the cleanup he was going to have to do later. Alone, of course. No insurance company is gonna cover an illegal surgery. "Let's get something on that. I've got supplies back here. Gauze and tape and uh, all sorts of stuff. You need a hand?"

Shrugging, Skylar’s mind wandered to all the people she’d loved, who’d left this place, who’d left her behind because they had to go. Nic and Winston and Remmy, they’d left. They hadn’t abandoned her, not the way Ricky and her parents had, but they’d left this town and they’d left her too. “Sometimes people leave and that’s just what happens. And then you’re left trying to figure out who you were without them.” Skylar said with a nod.

“S-K-Y-E, yup. Just friends, though.” She said as she followed behind him, her footprints leaving thick smears against the linoleum flooring of the shop. At his question, she shook her head vigorously. “I don’t want a hand, nope, nope. Got two right here, don’t need more.” She said. “One of my friends kept losing their hands, but now they’re gone.” Skylar said, mostly to herself. “Gone, gone, gone.”

Cutler led the way to the back of the store, propping the EMPLOYEES ONLY door open with a coffee can of ice salt. “Alright, no hands. No problem.” Beyond the crack of the door, a grey cement room stared back at them, devoid of all the usual upholstery; no shelving, or paint, or tiling. The floor sloped ever so slightly downward, puckering at a large metal drain. Under the naked bulbs above him, he knelt to root through a box, pulling out various medical supplies and glancing over every so often to assess the damage.

“Skylar.” He called back, tendons in his neck jumping with the strain. “What hurts? Can you tell me if anything hurts inside?” As he ambled back toward her, his gaze shifted from sympathetic to critical, mind kicking into higher gear. Silicon gloves rolled down his wrists and his hand paused inches from her lesioned arm, waiting for permission. “Is there any point in me telling you to get rest after this?”

Skylar hadn’t been in the back rooms of many stores before, but she had a feeling that they didn’t look much like this. Staring around as he began to pull things out of a box, Skylar’s attention dropped back to the floor as she watched droplet after droplet of greyish red splash against the tile. They began to form a small trickle, flowing down, down, down the drain. At Cutler’s words, Skylar looked up and looked at him. “Nothing hurts. Nope, nope, can’t feel anything.” She said and, to prove it, she reached up with her fingers and grasped the chunk of her ear and pulled on it. Blood ran down her fingers, but she didn’t flinch because there wasn’t any pain to feel. It was all just light and bright and nothing at the same time. Holding out her arms, she shrugged. “I can rest. Sometimes I lie down in the woods for hours and hours.” She replied.

Cutler's lips parted in protest, too late to stop her from tugging on her ear. They came back together in a constricted wince. Crimson slick coated her hand and he redirected his attention from her unusual lesions to the fresh tear beside her face. "Okay. Alright. Let's clean this up." His voice was robotically measured, practiced bedside matter. Whether he was trying to steady her or himself, he wasn't entirely sure. "No pain is good. This still might sting, though. Let me know if you want me to stop."

The act of cleaning a wound is intimate by necessity. In close quarters, he could see the rise and fall of her chest below him and the heat of her skin under the sanitizing pad. He afforded her a gentle smile. It didn't say everything he wanted to say; that he too, had lain for hours in the forest while intoxicated. That he has, on more than one occasion, injured himself while drunk and mercifully felt no pain. Instead, he opted for a subtler approach. "Mhm. That sounds nice. Peaceful. Stay still for me if you can, Skylar." The skin of her neck started to become visible as he fastened a series of bandages to the area and wiped away the gore with soft, consistent movements. "Do you know what you took?"

Skylar was barely aware of the gauze pressed against her face. She could smell the sharp of the alcohol as it was used to clean her wounds, but the moment it touched her flesh, it felt like nothing at all. There was no pain, there was no pressure, there wasn’t even hot or cold. Her entire existence was just the manic thrum of excitement and giddy happiness that she had no control over. “Nope, it doesn’t hurt. You can keep doing your stuff.” She said and let Cutler wash away the blood. Sitting still was hard, but she managed it, even as her fingers felt like they wanted to sink into the nearest wall. She couldn’t do that, no, he wanted her to stay still. And he was helping her.

“Oh, it’s really nice. Really, really nice. Sometimes I’d just stay out there for days and days, because it was better than having to feel. But this, this is even better than that. Because I’m just so happy. So, so happy. I’ve never felt this happy before.” Skylar said breathily. At his question, Skylar grinned, remembering the way the pills had looked in the palm of her hand, the way the smoke had burned in her lungs, the soft burn of the Bliss as it ran through her veins. “Some pills, something in a cigarette, a mushroom or three and lots and lots of Bliss.” She said, her expression dreamy as she thought about the box of “supplies” she had stashed away back in her room.

Cutler concentrated on not letting his concern bleed through his expressions as he listened, resisting the downturn of his mouth and darkening of his brow. His hands moved from wound to wound, adept at giving them exactly the amount of attention they needed before moving on. When he had addressed everything in his view, he extended the white bundle of gauze toward her. “If there’s anywhere else. Underneath your-I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Of course he understood that sores don’t end at the boundaries of his patient’s clothing. It was more than likely that she had significant injuries that weren’t immediately visible. But she hadn’t come to him as a client, and he wasn’t about to start peeling clothing off a vulnerable woman, even to help her. “I need to make a quick call, anyhow. Do you mind?” His thumb was already swiping through a digital rolodex of old work contacts, distant friends, and exes. “I’ll be right over here, and you can call me if you need help. How does that sound?”

Skylar didn’t notice the way that Cutler’s expression shifted, she was more focused on the way her fingers were wrapped in gauze. Already, she could see the tips of white beginning to darken as blood soaked through the cloth. What started out as pinpricks of color blossomed into thick circles and Skylar pressed her fingers against the side of the wall, watching as the blood spread through the gauze. As he handed her another roll of gauze, Skylar looked at it blankly for a moment before realizing what he was saying. That’s right, she had the gash-- a gaping slash, a gash-- on her side. Mm, she should take care of it.

With clumsy hands, Skylar slid her hands under her shirt and pressed the pad of gauze against her bleeding side. It was hard wrapping the bandages around, but she managed it after a bit of effort. At Cutler’s words, Skylar tilted her head. “What are you doing?” She asked, standing back up, the world shifting around her as she did. Her head felt light, lighter than air, as her vision went black round the edges, but she didn’t care. Taking a step forward, Skylar shook her head. “Who are you calling?” Doctors? Hunters? People who’d poke her, prod her, hurt her, kill her? No, no, no.

Cutler’s eyes only flicked down to his hand for a moment, enough to dial but not enough time for his impromptu patient to injure herself further. He hoped. Next to his ear, the phone rang out. Once, twice. In his periphery, Skylar wrapped the gauze around her body. She looked strangely fragile in the unshaded bulbs; white fluorescents piercing sickly pale skin to sharp bone underneath. “I’m just making a call.” His chin tilted upward, speaking away from the still-ringing cell. Before he could come up with a lie that she would accept-not that he thought he had one ready-the soft click over the phone alerted him to the presence of someone on the other end.

He shifted away slightly, hoping the broad slopes of his shoulders would shield the storage room from the soft words he was speaking into the phone. “Hi, it’s Cut. Sorry about the hour. Yeah, yeah, long time. Listen, I need a favour. Do you still work at the Crisis Response Unit? I’ve got a young woman here who’s in distress. No cops, she just needs-” He was interrupted by scuffling behind him, turning just in time to see Skylar getting to her feet. She swayed so slowly that the room seemed to tilt with her. “Skylar-” His protest died in his throat as she lurched forward with surprising intensity, causing him to take a mirroring step backward. She was substantially smaller than him, but something in her eyes caused his heart to leap to his throat. It took another step forward for him to recognize it. Hatred. “It’s just an old friend. She might be able to help you. Better than I can.”

As the man turned his back on her, Skylar’s ears strained to pick up his hushed tones. She couldn’t pick up specifics, but her mind was already buzzing with possibilities of who was on the other line. Her eyes flicked around wildly, looking at the strange utensils that were laid out neatly on the table he’d taken her to. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered that this was… a store. A shop in the center of town. With packets of chips and gum but also scissors and scalpels and gauze and gloves. Lips curling into a feral grimace, Skylar reached out and grabbed one of the shiny silvery tools from the table and pointed it at Cutler.

“Put down the phone.” Skylar said clearly, glaring at him while blood pounded in her ears. She could stab at him, plunge the tip of the scalpel into his chest over and over and over. She could lunge at him and bury her teeth into the soft flesh of his throat. She could rip him to pieces, she could hurt him, hurt him the way that Hunters wanted to hurt her. A trap, was this all a trap? “I don’t want your friend’s help-- I don’t, I don’t even want your help.” She sneered, tempted to rip the cotton gauze from her hands just to prove it to him. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I could. I could want to hurt you.” She said with another laugh, shaking her head. “So just, just put down the phone.”

The voice on the other end of the line began to rise into a higher register, tinny treble crackling through the rectangular mic at the bottom of the screen. “I’m completely fine. No one’s gonna hurt anyone here. Let me call you back.” Cutler spoke the words loudly and clearly, hoping the slight shaking his hand didn’t translate to his voice. Light flashed off the thin reflective blade of the scalpel. It was a tiny little thing, almost dwarfed in her white knuckle grip, but it could do serious damage. He knew that better than anyone.

“I’m putting it down.” The phone clattered to the cement floor, sending a nervous jolt through his body. Nice, Cutler. “I don’t think-” His tongue felt heavy against his sticky-dry lips, struggling to form the words he wanted to say. “I don’t think you’re a bad person. And I don’t think you really want to hurt me. If you did, you would have done it by now, right? You’ve had plenty of chances.”

Skylar watched as the man spoke, her eyes trained on him. The lights were bright and sharp around the two of them and it made the scalpel in her fingers glimmer like quicksilver. Liquid in her fingers, she could let it flash out, once, twice, a hundred times, she thought. She could let it slither from her grasp and embed itself into the man’s body, she could watch the blood flow, so slow, down down down the drain. It would be so easy, so quick. A sliver of silver, a knife, a life. The dull thudding of the phone against the floor brought her back to her senses and Skylar nodded. “Yup, it’s down.” She said before kicking out a foot, sending the phone skittering away.

“I could, I could. Everyone could. Everyone wants to hurt people, everything’s only ever wanted to hurt me. Why shouldn’t I hurt someone else? Why shouldn’t I be just like them?” Skylar asked, though the scalpel was already lowering in her hand. She didn’t want to. She didn’t really want to do that. Her arms felt weary, heavier than they’d felt in… well, she couldn’t remember. But the weight of the sharp blade in her fingers felt as though it was dragging her to the floor, pulling her down. “I never wanted to be like this.” She said gesturing to herself with the scalpel, hands waving wildly. “I thought I was normal. I thought everyone was normal. But it’s not and I’m not and I’m just some… thing. Some kind of monster.” Skylar said before letting out a watery laugh. Swiping at her face with her free hand, Skylar wondered when she’d started crying-- why was she even crying? There was nothing to be sad about, nothing to feel. “I-- I…” She stammered, shaking her head as she backed away towards the door she’d come from. Tossing the scalpel away, she looked at the man, mind caught between the urge to charge at him and to run far, far away from him. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.” She said, shaking as she turned around and ran.

Cutler watched a thousand emotions pass over Skylar’s face in an instant. One well-placed slash with the scalpel in her hand and it could be over for him. The karmic balancing of the scales; a fitting end for him, maybe. But she wasn’t going to. He could see it even before her arm started to lower. She was at breaking point, tears overflowing their hitch-breath confines and words spilling out of her, stream-of-consciousness. “I know.” He said softly. And he did. He knew that she wouldn’t let him help. That she was leaving, and there was nothing he could do to stop her. “I know.”

For a moment, it appeared as if she had changed her mind and decided to tackle him anyway and he tensed, ready to parry or dodge whatever she threw at him, including herself. At the last second, she pivoted, running by him in close quarters. A quicker man might have blocked the door. A stronger man might have reached a hand out to stop her as she passed. Cutler was neither of these things. Instead, he just watched her go.

#p: wygwyw #tw drug use #tw addiction #tw: medical blood #tw memory loss #tw body horror #//as always if youd like a tw free recap just let me know!#//this was such a cool chatzy to write #p: cutler clarke

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twilightofthe · 5 years ago

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Anakin Skywalker Has ADHD. Here’s Why:

I’ve noticed during my time as a neurodivergent person in the Star Wars community that Anakin, a favorite character of mine, displays a lot of neurodivergent traits. Other people have noticed this too; in particular, @bpdanakins has made a really in depth and detailed post explaining how Anakin having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) makes a whole lotta sense. I’ve got ADHD, so this post is gonna be about how I as an ADHD individual see Anakin Skywalker as having ADHD too!!!

Note: Symptoms of ADHD include inability to focus and disorganization. I have ADHD. This post is gonna be a wee bit disorganized and I probs won’t be the best at citing a million sources cuz I do not have the mental focus to do that right now. Thank ye.

So, what is ADHD? (Complicated. The answer is complicated.) (If you don’t want the general ADHD lecture, just scroll down to where I start talking about Anakin particularly).

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurological disorder that impairs the brain’s executive functions. People with ADHD have trouble with impulse-control, focusing, and organization. Basically, ADHD is a developmental weakness in how the brain manages itself. I like to picture it like a filing cabinet. Everyone else’s brain has a neatly sorted, labeled, and organized cabinet full of drawers that contain typical brain executive function commands. ADHD people’s brains have a monkey in them that runs around screeching loudly, ripping labels off drawers, rearranging stuff, throwing the files everywhere, eating the papers and generally making a gigantic mess, so whatever you need to go to the drawers to look for something, it takes you ten times longer to find the mental command you need to do if it’s even still there-- and also the monkey is biting your leg the entire time.

People tend to say that this monkey infestation is a gift because sometimes, occasionally, the monkey will rearrange the papers in a different, special way that makes a beautiful picture that no one’s seen before and you can share it for the world to enjoy and everything’s great, you’re just quirky! People tend to forget that it can be like that, but 90% of the time it’s more like the monkey has decided to take a massive shit all over the one specific paper you needed really badly and then put it in front of your foot so you step in it and don’t notice until people point out you’re tracking monkey shit paper everywhere. Anyway.

ADHD is a complex condition and difficult to diagnose because it has so many different varying symptoms, and one person who has ADHD may experience none of the symptoms than another person who also has ADHD does and vice versa because there is a lot. ADHD also tends to go unnoticed because it overlaps symptoms with a LOT of other mental illnesses an individual might have, so you might not even know you have ADHD if you’re also, say, autistic or bipolar, or again vice versa, because there’s a lot of “same hat” stuff going on there.

ADHD also can have its own subcategories of mental illness that can also stand on their own, like ADHD-induced anxiety or ADHD-induced depression. It can be really confusing to know everything going on in your head and put a label on it; for example for me, my doctors and I think I’ve got a separate anxiety disorder that works on its own that my ADHD makes worse, but that the depressive episodes I can suffer likely stem from my ADHD, and don’t need to be tackled individually or say that I have depression.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) has previously identified three subtypes of ADHD:

Primarily Hyperactive-Impulsive type: Mainly have impulse control problems, tend to be impulsive, impatient, and interrupt others. They fidget, hate sitting still/need to be in constant movement, tend to blurt out what’s on their mind or do what they feel like without thinking it through. They’re constantly up with the thoughts in their head and have difficulty focusing on a single task unless they’re in hyperfocus mode (explaining more later)

Primarily Inattentive type: Are easily distracted and forgetful. Tend to be daydreamers who lose track of memories and personal items with regularity.

Primarily Combined type: Tend to display a mixture of both symptoms. I was diagnosed as a child with the combined type but leaning more towards inattentive.

Anakin and Signs of ADHD:

SO. For starters, I see Anakin as primarily combined type with heavy leanings toward hyperactive-impulsivity. While this type is used to describe the stereotypical hyper little boy media tends to paint ADHD people as, adults can have it too and I see it a lot in Anakin. ADHD magazine ADDitude gives examples of adults with h-i ADHD as people who find difficulty in waiting around for anything, interrupt others in conversation, make impulsive decisions, and have reckless driving skills. Sound at all like someone we know?

Now Anakin absolutely checks all of the above boxes, but it’s way more than that, though. I looked up Healthline’s basic signs and symptoms of Adult ADHD, and I am going to run down the list to show how basically all of them apply to Anakin Skywalker in one way or another. Let’s begin!

Anakin and LACK OF FOCUS: ADDitude suggests that saying ADHD people don’t have attention might be a bit misleading. More accurately, ADHD people have tons of attention, we just can’t harness it in the right direction at the right time with any consistency. In canon, it is made very clear to us very early on that Anakin has issues with some of the more spiritual aspects of Jedi training, like meditation, because he does not possess the focus necessary to concentrate. We get other times when Anakin’s on missions with Obi Wan, where it is made clear Anakin has read the mission brief, but he hasn’t done a good job on it as he’s overlooked something. He gets distracted while in diplomatic situations and Obi Wan needs to tell him to pay attention. Palpatine is able to pull sketchy shit because he knows how to slip under Anakin’s radar while he’s not too focused on him. Anakin isn’t always aware of his surroundings, seeing as how basically everyone who knows him knows about Padmé because he’s not good at being subtle; he’s not good at reading a room. Canon has established that Anakin, while brilliant, has a very flighty attention span and unless it’s something that is deeply important to him or made glaringly obvious, his brain has a tendency to skip over it, and makes him less aware.

Anakin and HYPERFOCUS: The flip side of ADHD focus issues. While our brains don’t always want to pay attention to important rules or other peoples’ emotions or basically anything presented to us that we find boring in any shape or form, if we find something we like, we LATCH. ON. And we cannot stop concentrating on it, up until the point that we lose track of time and ignore others around us. In canon, it is shown very easily what Anakin hyperfocuses on. He’s described in several SW books and is shown in show and movies to completely go into a zone when in combat mode. He’s good at it, he enjoys it, and saber skills is easily something that he can concentrate and get lost in. Another obvious one is mechanics. We see briefly in TCW and bits in the movies where when Anakin is fixing something or piloting something, he kind of drifts away from reality-- he’s got an ear on the situation if there’s danger of course, but he goes just solidly into Tech Mode where all he concentrates on is whatever he’s fixing/piloting at the moment, and that’s why he’s so skilled at what he does. It’s also possible to hyperfocus on specific ideas or opinions, which you can see in basically every argument Anakin ever gets into with someone. He’s like a dog with a bone on a topic he wants to discuss Right Now This Very Second and he will not let it go, nor will he allow you to either, because when we hyperfocus, our fixation can bleed into conversation until it takes control of the conversation, without us even knowing we’re doing it, so it can be surprising/embarrassing when someone points out we’re doing it.

Anakin and DISORGANIZATION: ADHD people basically struggle with organizational skills. While we don’t see much of Anakin’s living spaces, we can see from the brief TCW snippets that his living quarters are a little cluttered. However, he does run a relatively neat army-- though we don’t know how much of that has Rex, Ahsoka, Obi Wan, or someone else to thank for it. In Anakin, most of the disorganization we see is in his mind. Priorities can be an issue for ADHD people, and Anakin tends to prioritize the wrong thing at the wrong time at certain points. He doesn’t always know what to say or how to say it, making him awkward and not very eloquent when speaking.

Anakin and TIME MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS: An issue that goes hand-in-hand with disorganization. We have trouble using time effectively. We procrastinate on things we don’t want to do, show up late, ignore things we consider boring, and the idea of the future or the past is overwhelming and or scary to us and can cause panic-- we need to focus on the now and the now alone because if we try to cross that bridge before we get to it, we might end up burning it. All throughout TCW, we get Obi Wan in particular, but others as well, harping on Anakin for showing up late. And, uh, he kinda does. He makes it, he always does, but it’s always at the last minute just when everyone’s worried he’s not gonna show up. He sometimes doesn’t go to important meetings. He puts off paperwork. Lots of people use all of this to make fun of him, be like “ah, he’s a bad Jedi, he’s lazy”, but like, that’s standard ADHD time management issues. And fear of the future? Hoo boy... Anakin may handle his fears of the future in the literal worst way possible, but that overwhelming anxiety that everything’s rushing at you so fast and holy shit, you don’t have your shit together NOW, what the hell are you gonna do THEN, holy shit holy shit everyone’s gonna DIE PANIC PANIC DANGER PANIC-- Like, I get that. I really do. Fear of the future and inability to manage time overlap a lot.

Anakin and FORGETFULNESS: ADHD have a tendency to forget important stuff, but here is where I remind y’all that not all ADHD people experience all the same symptoms, because Anakin actually has a really damn good memory. Boy is sharp, he recalls really obscure stuff, and if you piss him off/do him a favor, he’s remembering that to his deathbed. Anakin, however, does display what is common in ADHD people, having a selective memory. This goes hand in hand with our attention issues. We remember what we focused on and that sticks in our mind: hopes, fears, interests, stuff like that. Anything else? Eh, if we didn’t notice it then, we’re not noticing it five years from then, or even five minutes from then. That you can see in Anakin, where people like Ahsoka and Obi Wan have to teasingly remind him of important stuff that he tends to just shrug off like “oh yeah that thing that I didn’t care about then and don’t really care about now”, or he feels guilty cuz “oops I didn’t notice it then so now I’m lost”

Anakin and IMPULSIVITY: Aight y’all, this probably requires the least amount of explanation for Anakin Skywalker cuz the Star Wars narrative calls him impulsive like every ten seconds xD ADHD people with impulsivity can be socially inappropriate (Anakin, always managing to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, king of escalating tense situations because he blurts out whatever he feels like), interrupt others (something Padmé and Ahsoka have both canonically called him on doing, he does it to plenty of others as well, Vader does it all the damn time by just force-choking people silent), rushing through tasks (”Oh Anakin, always on the move”. He does not wait, he makes up plans as he goes, he’s constantly in motion), ACTING WITHOUT MUCH CONSIDERATION TO THE CONSEQUENCES (Examples: The entirety of Star Wars episodes 1-6, Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

Anakin and EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS: Alright, maybe THIS is the one that requires the least amount of explanation, haha. ADHD peoples’ emotions seem constantly in flux. We get bored easily and need constant entertainment. (Anakin running off doing crazy stuff seemingly for fun) Small frustrations always feel like the end of the world because it takes over our entire brain. (Anakin being “overdramatic/overreacting”) The slightest sense of rejection or negativity towards our ideas or anything we do can read as total hatred (this is called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it SUCKS) so we’re oversensitive about criticism of basically anything. RSD also means we’re paranoid that we’re not noticing other people’s emotions, so we always tend to worry everyone else hates us or our friends are going to leave us-- we have serious abandonment issues. (Basically all of Anakin worrying about the Jedi’s image of him, worrying about Padmé and Obi Wan loving him, freaking out over Ahsoka leaving, etc.) Our mind is focusing on a million things at once so our emotions run super quickly, causing what looks like mood swings because in the time it takes someone to get surprised, we’ve already gone through surprise, confusion, realization, betrayal, fury, and sadness and are now “randomly” crying in front of you (Anakin and his mood swings). Focus issues make us not realize that something we’re doing is upsetting/bothering someone unless they flat out say it, so we may seem mean/inconsiderate/careless (ok, not excusing that part of Anakin’s personality is that he’s just kind of a dick lol, but other stuff that he does seems accidental; he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he loves).

Anakin and POOR SELF-IMAGE: HOOOO BOY THIS IS GONNA BE FUN! So adults with ADHD are often hypercritical of themselves, which can lead to a poor self-image. I do this a lot, and I can’t really explain why, just that I am frustrated with myself and need validation from outside sources. Anakin verbally expresses this to Padmé and Palpatine in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith especially with all his “I’m not the Jedi I’m supposed to be” bits, how he constantly puts pressure on himself in the novels to be “the very best, I have to be better than everyone, I SHOULD be”, the conflict with that Chosen One label and whether he believes it or not and the pressure he feels from others to fulfill it, to be the Hero With No Fear when he’s fucking terrified all the time. He’s relentlessly hard on himself for his failures and is always looking for an insult in others’ words (Like if Obi Wan gives him gentle concrit, Anakin will subconsciously tear it apart to turn it into how Obi Wan has found an error with all of him and hates him and Anakin sucks). For all his pride in his abilities, Anakin really does not like himself, poor dear, and seeks outside validation in Padmé, Palpatine, and Obi Wan.

Anakin and LACK OF MOTIVATION: Also ties back to focus issues again, if we don’t like it, our brain won’t focus on it, and we can’t convince ourselves to do it. We can see this in times where Anakin has to be gently (or not so gently) prodded by Obi Wan or Ahsoka or someone into doing some Jedi business Anakin considers annoying.

Anakin and RESTLESSNESS AND ANXIETY: It’s described as our “motor won’t shut off”. We always need to keep moving and doing things, and we get frustrated when we can’t do something immediately. There are also bodily tics with fidgeting or frequent hand movements. We see this several times with Anakin during wartime, where he’s practically vibrating over having to play the long waiting game instead of rushing in and getting the job done immediately (See: on Naboo where Anakin is pacing a hole into the floor and Obi Wan is telling him to kindly chill pls). Part of his issues in ROTS happen when he’s worked himself up into a frenzy over sitting not knowing what to do over what’s scaring him so he jumps the gun and goes with the first available (awful) option. I don’t remember if this is Hayden or if this is me projecting, sorry, but I always feel that when I watch Hayden in the movies, he always portrays Anakin as vaguely squirmy/fidgety, not really ever sitting PERFECTLY still, like he’s always moving some body part, fiddling with something in his hands or on his clothes. In TCW and the OT especially, we see how hand-wavey he is when he talks, especially when he’s pissed, then the Finger Wag Of Doom comes out, but his hands are ALWAYS in motion.

Anakin and FATIGUE: It’s as the word describes it, we feel tired. All the craziness in our head is overwhelming and we just. Feel. Tired. We don’t see this as clearly in Anakin because all the Jedi seem fatigued, they’re fighting a fucking hopeless war, but it’s definitely there. He has sleeping problems with his dreams and nightmares that spawn from his anxiety that could easily be ADHD-induced; they’re there.

Anakin and HEALTH PROBLEMS: Long story short, it’s basically all your ADHD issues making you neglect to take care of yourself. We see how Anakin has unhealthy coping mechanisms, neglects sleep, and throws himself into reckless, dangerous situations. He does not take care of himself very well at all.

Anakin and RELATIONSHIP ISSUES: Ruh roh... Aight, so all of the symptoms above can very obviously prove to be hurdles in professional, romantic, or platonic situations. We can see how all the above examples in Anakin have in one way or another caused an argument between himself and basically everyone he loves (Obi Wan, Padmé, Ahsoka), people he has to work with (the Jedi council, anyone he gets assigned to on a mission), and anyone else. He’s not called a human disaster for no reason, his actions can make him rub people very much the wrong way, and being kind of lonely and awkward and with not many friends is unfortunately a common occurrence in the lives of ADHD people (It happened to me, and I would consider myself much more of a pleasant individual than Anakin (no offense, hon), other people who met me just thought I was “strange” and that was that).

WHEW. So yes, all of the above state my reasons why I think Anakin Skywalker has ADHD (as well as anxiety, but that’s another post). Please remember once more that these are MY EXPERIENCES AS AN INDIVIDUAL WITH ADHD and that once again, NOT ALL ADHD PEOPLE SHARE THE SAME EXPERIENCES/SYMPTOMS

I will give the two articles I bothered fact-checking with below, the one from Healthline and from ADDitude

If y’all wanna talk more about ADHD!Anakin or any other ADHD Star Wars characters or just neurodivergent Star Wars character headcanons with me, my inbox and DM’s are always open, I love talking about this!!!!!!!!!

#long post #morai musings #one (1) hot mess #star wars #sw stuff #sw meta #adhd #Anakin Skywalker

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thelastspeecher · 5 years ago

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41. Insanity In your “recoil” au?

41. Insanity

Here’s a scene that is technically missing from my “Recoil” fic: Fiddleford’s mysterious backstory, which he shares with Stan in Chapter 4. Sorry for the awkward ending, I wanted this to fit in neatly with what I had written in Chapter 4, so the beginning and ending have a sentence taken directly from the chapter.

No proofreading, we die like men.

Prompt List

——————————————————————————————

“Talk, Fiddledork,” Stan said, takinga swig of his whiskey. Fiddleford sighed.

“Like I said, Stanford and I wereroommates in college.” Fiddleford lookedout the kitchen window, his eyes misty from memories of late-night studysessions, joking around in lab, and the shared determination to rise above themediocre school they were attending. “Wegot pretty close there.”

“Close,” Stan echoed. He raised an eyebrow. Fiddleford felt himself flush.

“Get yer mind out of the gutter,”he muttered gruffly. Stan snorted.

“It’s funny when you try to beintimidating.” Stan leaned back in hischair, his eyes roving over Fiddleford’s body. “When I told you to talk, I didn’t mean talk about your collegedays. Those obviously went well, if youwere willing to come to Bumfuck, Oregon to help Ford with his research.”

“You were willing to come here tohelp him, and the last interaction you had with him was an intense falling out,”Fiddleford retorted. Stan pursed hislips.

“Hmph. Guess you might have a point, stick insect. Maybe Ford did get some of Mom’ssilver tongue. And here I was, thinkingI got all of it.” Stan raised his glassof whiskey to his mouth. “Shermie suredidn’t get any,” he mumbled into the amber liquid.

“…Stick insect?”Fiddleford asked.

“You’re skinny and got big eyes. Talk about whatever happened between you andFord. I told you, now you tell me. That was the deal.”

“Yes, yes.” Fiddleford closed his eyes and took asteadying breath. When he opened hiseyes, Stan was still staring at him, waiting for him to speak. Stan and Ford’s eyes were the same rich, deepbrown, but while Ford’s were hidden behind glasses most of the time, nothingprevented Stan’s from boring into Fiddleford accusatorially. “I was happy in Palo Alto. Had a wife and son, I was startin’ up my owntechnology company. I ain’t quite surewhy I was willin’ to drop it all, even temporarily, to come help Stanford. But I did.”

“Cut the crap and get to the story,”Stan said, exasperated.

“Stanford asked me to help himwork on an interdimensional portal. Hesaid that it would usher in a new era of enlightenment. A second renaissance, but this one focused onscience and technology, rather than art and music.

“When I arrived in Gravity Falls,he was so out of his depth, it was almost cute. He’s a clever person, but he don’t know a screwdriver from an Allenwrench most days. And don’t get mestarted on the lack of safety protocols.”

“Yeah, he set his face on fire inhigh school a few times,” Stan said idly. “‘Course, the one time it spread enough to burn furniture, Pops thoughtI did it.” Stan shook his head. “I’m a lotta things, but I’m not a pyro. Being a pyro is a lose-lose situation unlessyou get your rocks off to it or whatever. And I don’t.” Stan gestured withhis drink. “Continue.”

“As the portal progressed, Icould feel somethin’ naggin’ me.”

“Something other than Ford? He can be a helluva nag,” Stan said. Fiddleford sighed.

“Do you want me to tell ya thestory or not?”

“It’s not my fault you suck atstorytelling.”

“Just- hmph. The thing naggin’ at me was my own mind. That voice in the back of yer head that tellsya when somethin’ just ain’t right. Iwent over the projected outputs of the portal, once, twice, thirty times. Each time, it suggested to me that if theportal got turned on, somethin’ catastrophic would occur.” Fiddleford felt his hands begin to shake as heremembered the moments leading up to everything falling apart. The day that he had realized they wereheading down a path no one should traverse.

“You sure you don’t needsomething stronger than water?” Stan asked. Fiddleford shook his head.

“I’m fine. Anyways, I tried to talk to Stanford aboutit. I compiled all his research m’selfand presented it to him, showin’ him he could find that recognition he wanted,without turnin’ on the portal. And hecould have.” Fiddleford’s voice broke. “But he didn’t. I went along with it, ‘cause I’d given myword, and the day we tested the portal, those terrible safety precautions bitme in the nose. I-” Fiddleford took a breath. “I went through.” Stan’s full attention was now focused onFiddleford. He leaned forward, searchingFiddleford’s face.

“What did you see?” Stan askedquietly. Fiddleford’s entire bodyshuddered in revulsion at the memory.

“I don’t want to put it to words. It- it weren’t natural, it weren’t right, it-it was the stuff yer nightmare’s nightmares are made of.” Fiddleford was sure Stan would scoff at hisvague phrasing, but Stan seemed genuinely moved.

“Holy Moses,” Stan breathed. Fiddleford frowned at him.

“I didn’t tell ya anything,really.”

“Not with your words, but the wayyour voice sounds.” Stan ran a handthrough his hair. “I flipped throughFord’s journal a bit. If you could handlethat bullshit, I get the feeling even I would be disturbed by whatever you sawin the portal.”

“You would,” Fiddlefordconfirmed. He took a deep breath. “Stanford pulled me back out. He says I was unconscious, then raving like amadman. I don’t remember that part. I just remember grabbin’ him by the shouldersand begging him to destroy the machine, once and fer all.” Fiddleford looked down at the table. “But he wouldn’t. So I left.”

“That’s why you lost yourmarbles?” Stan asked. “The thing you sawin the portal?”

“Not- not quite,” Fiddlefordhedged cautiously. “It was the thingthat made us part ways. But my screwsgot a bit loose fer reasons indirectly related.”

“What were those reasons?”

“My memory-erasin’ device turnedout to have some rather serious side effects,” Fiddleford said quickly. Stan spat out a bit of his drink and coughedloudly. Once his coughing fit hadpassed, Stan gaped at Fiddleford.

“Way to bury the lede,Fiddlesticks!” he wheezed. “You built somethingto erase memories, and that wasn’t the first thing you mentioned?”

“You wanted to know about my relationshipwith Stanford.”

“Yeah, but…” Stan shook his head. “Holy fucking shit. You’re both goddamn mad scientists.”

“I built it to help people forgetthe most traumatic things they experienced,” Fiddleford protested.

“You were the test subject,sounds like,” Stan said. Fiddlefordnodded. “What did you forget?”

“I mean, I forgot it, so I can’ttell ya specifics,” Fiddleford mumbled. He played with his hands. “But itwas likely the more disturbin’ anomalies we encountered. And-” Fiddleford closed his eyes. “Itried to forget what I saw in the portal. But I couldn’t. So I used it overand over again, just so’s I could have a full night’s worth of sleep. Didn’t work. It only took other things. I feltmyself fallin’ apart more and more, but I could still remember, so I didn’tstop. I was on my last legs whenStanford found me at the library.”

“You’re leaving something elseout,” Stan said slowly. Fiddlefordlooked out the window hurriedly, hoping to avoid Stan’s penetrating gaze. “What is it?”

Consarnit, why’s he so intuitive?

“If I’m leavin’ somethin’out, it’s not related to Stanford, so I don’t have to tell ya.”

“Don’t know if I believe that,”Stan said. “Seems like just abouteverything in this town is related to Ford in some way.” Stan sighed. “But I’ll drop it. Is that allyou’re gonna tell me?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not gonna elaborate onhow your memory erasing thing drove you to insanity?”

“I wasn’t insane,” Fiddlefordprotested.

“You were getting pretty damnclose.” Stan held up his hands. “But I said I’d drop it, so I guess I’ll dropit.” Stan looked out the window aswell. Just barely visibly gnomesscampered at the edge of the forest. “Whatyou told me was some weapons-grade bullshit, but I guess I believe it. I’d be an idiot not to, after seeing theother things I’ve seen in Gravity Falls.” Stan looked at Fiddleford. “That’swhat happened.” Fiddleford nodded.

“That’s essentially whathappened.”

#Gravity Falls #Stanley Pines #Fiddleford McGucket #Gravity Falls AU #Recoil AU #ficlet #my writing #ask #(fyi I am no longer taking prompts. that is why the prompt list is crossed out.)#robkroubens

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mattzerella-sticks · 6 years ago

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A Whole Lotta Love (a Dean/Cas Coda to 14x09 “The Spear”)

With a broken tape deck, Dean and Cas have a long stretch of silence to fill. But just how do they do it? And they say driving helps take your mind off of things... even forget dangling pianos hanging over one's head.

“You know what would be good right now?”

Cas glances at Dean from out the corner of his eye, the other man focused, for once, on the road ahead. “Some Zepp,” he says, “I can picture it – us tearing down this open stretch of highway with Immigrant Song playing in the background. Oh! Or maybe Kashmir…”

“That would be nice, yes,” Cas sighs, “…if our tape deck weren’t broken.”

“Yeah – yeah…” Dean drums his hands on the wheel. “Y’know, I don’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve driven this long in silence? Not that this isn’t nice. It is. Its just music –“

“Fills the background,” Cas finishes his thought, “adds layers…depth… security.”

Dean murmurs his agreement. They drift back into themselves, the tides of their conversation slowly receding from shore. It’s been like that since they left the Bunker. Every so often one of them would start speaking, only to lull back into the quiet. Dean would point out different road signs, crack a joke or two to Cas. And Cas would smile, respond with his own observation; maybe a memory that would have both of them grinning at each other. Enjoying the shared moment.

“I feel like we haven’t had a lot of this,” Dean says, unprovoked.

“A lot of what?”

“This.” Dean circles his finger in the air. “You and me. Shootin’ the breeze instead of demons or vamps or whatever else supernatural creature the world throws at us.”

“Really?” Cas asks him, “Has it been that long since you and I were… alone?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, blushing, “Not that I’ve been… counting, or whatever. But between Michael, Jack, and the growing network of hunters it’s hard to just find time to think or… breathe.”

“Those seem like things you don’t need another person for.”

“I like having you near when I do those things.”

“Even breathing?”

“Even breathing…”

Cas watches Dean pay the road more attention than he’s ever seen him give it. Like the stretch of asphalt holds all the answers their destination was promised. Its unnerving that he thinks good safety practices as weird behavior, but he misses having Dean’s eyes on him rather than what’s ahead. ‘We’ve had enough luck to not crash so far… I’m sure we can push it a few more times.’

“Hey Cas?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“How was Heaven?” Cas pauses, unsure of how to answer. Dean fills the vacuum with his own drawling ramble. “I mean, you didn’t talk about it much after bringing Jack back and – you said it was in trouble? I know since Gabriel didn’t make it back, stuff up there was running kinda off and – I mean, if you needed to go and make sure… it’s not like I can stop you –“

“My service to Heaven is over,” he tells him, “I have done… all I could. And I feel I have repaid my debts to the other angels. Naomi told me as such –“

“Naomi? Ol’ girl’s still kicking?”

“Apparently it takes more than one old scribe and a rebel angel to kill her.” Cas chuckles, “She has been keeping the peace among all seven of my brothers and sisters that serve under her now.”

“It’s gotten that bad?” he asks.

Cas nods. “I don’t know how Heaven might survive. And that might be a problem we deal with later, once our Michael problem is solved.”

“We?”

“Of course… Dean,” Cas says, “you didn’t think I would go back, after all this was over. Did you?” The thought stings, but he doesn’t let it fester. ‘Don’t get too far ahead of yourself, Castiel…’

Dean shakes his head furiously. “No, no I would – not realistically, after all we… but…”

“But…”

“It’s stupid…”

“If it’s causing you this much stress, I assure you it isn’t.”

“Well, I don’t know,” Dean sighs, grip tightening on the wheel. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m gonna blink and – poof! You’ll disappear. It’s irrational and dumb but it… it sticks. Even though you’ve proven time and time again you’re here to stay and I want to believe it. Except this little part of me thinks it might be… too good to be true, y’know? Kind of why I wanted only us on this I… I needed you here beside me.”

“Dean I…” ‘When you finally allow the sun to shine on your face… that’s when I’ll collect you.’ “I don’t plan on leaving. Ever. I wish there was something I could do to relieve you of that worry.”

“I don’t think you ever can but… being here it – it shuts it down.”

His heart aches, yearns, and reaches out to the other man. But Cas keeps it behind steel walls, ensuring his secret never comes out. ‘It’s for the best… for all of us.’

“God that was – this is what I mean,” Dean warbles a laugh, rubbing at his eye. “If we had music we wouldn’t – it’s stuffy, isn’t it? Could you roll down – I’m gonna roll mine, I think we need some air, so could you…?” They leave the windows half-up. “Yeah… that’s better.”

He still looks uncomfortable. Dean shifts continuously. Sliding his hands up and down the wheel, taking one off to lean either on the door or to fiddle with the radio. Cas suggested they turn it on, when Dean discovered the tape deck was broken. “I don’t… it’s not the music I wanted you to hear.”

Cas understands how much music means to Dean. What it means to probably every person on Earth. Each vibration and note a key that unlocks a part of the soul. And when someone shares music, they’re giving you a chance to know who they are and what they feel.

Dean handed him the mixtape ages ago. He barely looked Cas in the eye when he did it, muttering all the while. “I know Metatron beamed probably the entire discography of the world into your head but I… figured you might want to hear what good music sounds like for yourself.” Cas enjoyed it immensely. He found himself banging his head to the loud, fast tracks. He crooned along to the power ballads. Even in moments alone, Cas hummed the melody, the words on a loop in his mind as he performed for no one yet also one very special person.

“You need coolin’… baby I’m not foolin’…” It’s a low whisper, his gravely voice shredding the words in a discordant tone. “I’m gonna send you back to schoolin’…”

“Way down inside,” Dean joins in, his own voice just as rough to hear, “honey you need it.” He finally looks away from the road, to Cas, his jaw slack with awe. “I’m gonna give you my love…”

“I’m gonna give you my love, oh…”

Together. “Wanna whole lotta love… Wanna whole lotta love…” They’re smiling, infected with the rhythm. As Baby purrs down the highway, Dean and Cas Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love” from the top of their lungs, voices echoing into the clear, blue sky. At some points, Dean forces Cas to play the air guitar. And he does, indifferent to how ridiculous he might look. Their singing mixes with laughter, and near the end the melody gets lost in the shuffle.

Gasping for breath, Dean glances at Cas one more time before returning his gaze on the road. “What made you pick that song?”

“I… I don’t know,” Cas confesses, “When I would listen to your… your mixtape I wound it back time and time again – just to that song. I think it’s my favorite.”

“Not Stairway to Heaven?”

Cas chuckles. “No this one… means more to me.” He finds something to distract himself, fiddling with the map in hand. Cas checks a passing road sign. “I think we’re coming up on the turn… you might want to switch lanes.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Dean turns the wheel, Baby cruising over onto the right-most lane. They make it off the highway, closing the last couple of miles between them and the Spear. “Hey, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“That song means a lot to me, too. I’m glad you… appreciate it, same as me. S’why I put it at the end; kinda… ties it all together, in a way.” His neck is on fire, the red blush creeping up from behind his collar with unmatched speed. “I think we’re here… sheesh, what a dump.”

“Well, it’s quite literally a dump, Dean.”

“I know but you’d think she’d clean up since we’re paying her a house call and all.”

“…She doesn’t know that we’re coming. It’s the element of surprise?”

“Cas,” Dean says, his voice tinged with exasperation and something else, “…keep being you.” He drives Baby between two tall stacks of crushed aluminum and plastic. “Roll the windows back up, don’t want any stench messing up our ride.” Cas does so as Dean parks. He readies to leave, but something drapes over his hand, stalling him.

“Hey, Cas…”

“…Yes, Dean?”

“I – um, I don’t know,” he rubs at his neck with his other hand, looking at Cas through his lashes. “I mean, I do know – it’s just…” Dean laughs, smile stretched wide across his face.

The sight parts the clouds within Cas’s mind, and he feels a flicker of warmth burning inside his chest. “What?”

“I think maybe I can get this out but… just give me a minute?” he asks, “There’s… a lot going on in my head.” Cas allows him to gather his thoughts, eyes never straying from his face.

Except there’s a slight buzzing to his left, like a gnat flying to close to his ear. Cas turns to see what it is and –

Duma stands a few feet away. Except it’s not Duma, it’s the Empty. They watch them, face etched in a cannibalistic grin. Behind them swirls a dark energy, a mass of shadowy tendrils swaying, as if ready to strike.

The clouds roll back in.

And Cas pulls away. “Maybe later,” he apologizes, “Dark Kaia might know that we’re here and… move. From what you’ve told me she can be very tricky.” Dean’s expression changes in an instant, and even though he tries to cover it up, Cas could see the flicker of disappointment flashing behind his eyes. As if Cas chopped down a tree in his emerald forest that took ages to grow.

“Yeah… yeah.”

Cas swings the door open, stepping out into the waste yard. Dean follows at a slower pace, head down, already readying the bag of weapons they brought with them. He watches the other man, pain and sadness welling inside of him, because of what he had to do. ‘Not now… I can’t – I can never…’ He slams the door. ‘I may never have it, but Dean deserves it.’

“You seem good, lately. Happy, even…”

#Supernatural #Spn #Spn14 #Supernatural fanfiction #Spn fanfic #Spn coda #14x09 #The Spear #Dean Winchester #Castiel #Destiel #Destiel fanfic

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skipzujinskip · 5 years ago

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goals for july 2020

In order for me to be on a roll, and get usual indecisive and messy ass together. I am gonna just set some goals and try to be a better person than I was yesterday. Aye it’s never too late to start a new beginning and its never too late to start on these goals and work hard for the results. In a perfect time to occupy myself in a lot of things and keep myself busy due to the COVID-19 situation, it’s time to be properly committed.

JULY 2020 GOALS

Get my STUDYING ON A ROLL

NO MORE LEAVING SHIT LAST MINUTE!!!!! Being a Fashion Marketing Uni student is NO FUN AND GAMES! 😭There is a whole lotta madness and elements to it all and let me just say, I WAS NOT PREPARED THIS YEAR TO EXPECT ALL OF THIS. So far I am lucky this trimester after the first set of assignment, the weight of all the assignments are a lot lighter since the first of assignments were kinda hectic but you know, you gotta channel that inner phoenix rising from the fire. The current set of assignments are more group-based and more creative and fun:

Fashion Blog - The most creative yet challenging assignment for the Fashion Influencers class. I am still yet to decide what platform to really but this blog through, we already have a name though 🤪, ‘CrazySweetSavage’. I still need to decide what to post and what kind of direction I am heading with the blog. I just believe this fashion blog can be more than just an assignment for me, it can be something I can really air out my creativity without feeling any pressure. Instagram is great but I feel so iffy for some reason and I don’t know why. Maybe with this fashion blog it can get me outta my comfort zone and I can really gain more confidence in showing off my creativity cause I am still timid about it I guess?! 🤨

Marketing Plan - Aye, we just finished the first assignment for the Marketing class. I am yet to expect what there is to this but WE WILL BE ON A ROLL FOR THIS ASSIGNMENT. I swear on my knees I will slay it. 😊

Group Projects - The last two classes which are Critical Survey and Business Strategy and Design Thinking are both group efforts. I am happy to work with two of my closest friends in uni for both assignments but I am questioning if I am making enough effort 😔. In both assignments, we are exploring the topic of size inclusiveness and innovations we can come up with to meet problems of the topic.

Hopefully I CAN ALSO GET MY NOTES DONE! 🤬I have been slacking off it so we better get a move on. I got my whiteboard so I can organise what days and the time to do it all. Even with the second lockdown in Melbourne, I got less shifts at work and there is NO EXCUSE not to do it all. 😤

Getting my BODY ON A ROLL

I have been slacking off of Chloe Ting’s workouts after a while... Well 2 weeks and a half to be exact 😳! Ever since I lost my last pair of contact lenses I have not been able to do my workouts. I know, I know!! EXCUSES, EXCUSES. Really, I cannot workout when I am blind and I rely my workouts on my flatscreen with Chloe Ting on there. I should memorise the workouts after a while of doing them but I have a pint sized brain and memory 🙈.

Along with the absence of working out, my eating habits have become worse. It became Maccas, HSPs and a whole lotta pure junk. I also HAVEN’T BEEN DRINKING THAT MUCH WATER, which is UNBELIEVABLE 😑. Back then, I was eating good, I needed at least some veggies every meal along with a protein, and on mornings I would enjoy a nice warm sweet bowl of oatmeal, honey and sliced bananas 😔.

Here are the fitness/body/lifestyle(?) goals I need to keep up with in order to achieve my body goals before this year ends:

WORKING OUT - I am giving my self an hour a day or at least three days a week depending how intense the workouts I follow by Chloe Ting are. I trust Chloe Ting cause it seems like I can actually see results since other people has done them. I had seen a difference til those tragic last 2 weeks happened 😤.

EATING HEALTHY - I need to go back to my diet of having protein with veggies and portion off some carbs. I also need to aim for a least a day or 2 for cheat meals. 😩MY HABITS WERE TERRIBLE THOSE 2 WEEKS. Also, I am going to need a list of fruits and other stuff to satisfy my deadly sweet tooth 😁. I also need to get my water consumption ON A ROLL. 2L a day, let’s get that bladder moving per usual.

I need to also remember that - IT IS NOT A RACE, IT IS A MARATHON 😉!! Nothing comes overnight and that I need to earn it just like what I did with my job at work.

Have my room/home-life ON A ROLL

I live in a pigsty 😕... I come home to mess and shit all around my room and it is seriously and unbearable. Happy home = happy mood. I don’t know how I can get my lazy ass to get up and clean around. However with all this goal setting, hopefully I can pick myself up and get to it. Even after cleaning, I NEED TO MAINTAIN HOW NEAT IT IS 😩!! Not to worry, I just gotta channel my inner Monica Gellar and we will get there.

The To-Do list for my room:

Re-do closet: I have a lot of clothes that are just lying there and have not been worn once this year and yet I still keep buying and buying 🤡! I might create a sack of of unwanted clothes and ship it off my relatives to the Philippines or to a charity store. Even with my retail job, hopefully I can rearrange my closet nicely.

Clean up my desk: Arguably the easily messiest part of my room. I am not really satisfied with my desk and every time I clean it, I still feel just BLEH about it. I might revamp it and just order some desk decor so hopefully that is better.

Find some storage for OLD UNNECESSARY SHIT: They may be unnecessary but these things can at least help someone or just be put away or burnt. I have no idea. I got old school books under my bed and in my closet and that shit needs to go!!

As I said before with LOCKDOWN 2.0 being around, there are no excuses not to clean! 👺

WORK & MONEY ON A ROLL (🤔)

I don’t know LOL 😂!! Like I said before, I don’t have much shifts due to the current situation. Therefore, I see less $$$ going into my account. However, once again, MY LAZY ASS needs to apply for youth allowance. The whole application takes ages and I understand! Ever since I have gotten this new Macbook AKA my beautiful Ramona, I have became so broke like I NEED TO GET THIS stuff outta the way.

The priorities right now:

GET THAT DAMN APPLICATION DONE.

However I need to check if the place is still open cause the documentation that I need to supply, I cannot provide proof for some reason so I gotta get there myself. 😫THE STRUGGLES ARGHHHHH!!

Me needs to be ON A ROLL. period. 🤭

In order to get myself on a roll, thus this far, the goal setting and this blog will hopefully put me on a right track. I have been doing really shitty things to cope with it all, I don’t wanna go in depth cause I am gonna get all these things coming on to me like:

“WTF DON’T DO THAT”

“THAT IS STUPID”

“WOW SO DRAMATIC, IT ISN’T THAT DEEP”

Honestly, my mental health has been all over the place this year. I mean last year was when I was on my lowest of all lows. With so many things arriving to me, it gets too much sometimes. I mean, I would have never expected the things that happened this year to occur. Was I prepared for this new chapter of life? Absolutely not!! I have gotten new friends, a new job and new perspective in life. Life is a complete 180 compared to the messy year previously. 2019 was NO JOKE. I am grateful for 2020 and the new blessings I was offered.

Somehow I feel like I have gotten it all in this life right now and it seems like I got myself together. That is not really the case though 🧐. Just like that song that Britney Spears sang, “Lucky”:

“If there is nothing, missing in my life then why do these tears come at night?...”

It’s obvious that I am not satisfied just yet. I still have a lot to go. There are so many things I need to work on and that is on my self esteem, my confidence and really trusting myself and being able to forgive myself from past experiences. Most of these are due to because I do not have a significant other or nobody “hitting me up”. I know, why the fuck do I honestly need someone to satisfy myself? I just feel the pressure of being that 19 year old that has not really fell in love with anyone yet. I mean my lucky 13-15 year old self had experienced what it was like to fall in love for the first time. In all seriousness, being in love in your early teens is way different to falling in love in your late teens to young adult ages. In that late teens to young adult stage - love is strived for a long term. Maybe I strive for a longterm relationship and that is why I am very careful with who I fall for and let in.

Nowadays love has no limits in terms of everything for me. Let it be a guy or a girl. Maybe I am not in a relationship yet because I am not ready for it and I just need time to really focus on myself and really heal whatever is hurting. I have all these amazing opportunities that the universe has provided me, maybe love is not what I need right now and I need to understand that. The thought of not having anyone hitting me up or not being in a relationship has really made me insecure. I always thought I was either too fat, too ugly or too “out there”. At the end of the day, that person would love me for who I am and the way I am, that person would not want me to change a damn thing about myself. It’s all a matter of just waiting. The universe is really taking its time for the person that will soon reach out to me and who I will reach out for.

I often put myself down because of this but at the end of day, this is my life and that I cannot keep putting myself down. I need to be more kinder to myself and really give myself credit. I am progressing myself through just accepting the past for what it is and really becoming a person that i’ve always wanted to be. I want to be someone that is caring, someone you can rely on, that is there for a fun time. I am reaching the path of wanting to become someone that is passionate and committed for what they wanna do for the future and really pave a way for people. I am so much different from the past but there are still things I cannot accept but I will get there hopefully.

I also need to trust the universe and its magic. However, those pick-a-card readings and horoscope readings have given me more of an understanding why I am feeling this way and to understand myself better. So to simplify, patience and trust is what I need to build on and equip and just believing in myself and what the universe has to offer. I believe the universe is crafting something for me that impactful and hopefully just beautiful.

Basically I need to work on:

Being more kinder to myself

Being more patient with myself and the universe

Believing and trusting the universe and what it is doing

Forgive yourself from past mistakes

Be grateful what 2020 has given you.

I also need to work on stuff that will make me less lonely when I have those days or those moments. I feel like my worst enemy when I am by myself. So I need think of ways that will uplift and brighten me up and can improve in taking care of myself better.

Watching more anime - Let’s try and get through Sailor Moon and all of those Netflix animes and other people’s recommendations 🤩🤩🤩

Being committed to my daily and night skin routine - Just because I feel depressed or sad does not mean I cannot do pamper up!! GOD DAMN ZU! 🤨Since we are not able to go to the city which where I get all my skincare goodies from, we are going to need to research and choose wisely products that are accessible around me and MAYBE find something online. I don’t trust online stuff but whatever.

It’s gonna take a lot of time and there is a lot of things on my plate clearly. All of these goals will hopefully get me on a roll to a more HAPPY, POSITIVE AND BRIGHT direction in life. I always have to remember to be grateful for the blessings that have been provided for me and to really work hard for more blessings. I never deserved what I have, I always had to earn through working hard for what I always want in this life that is the way of the knight.

This is the knight signing off, heading to getting myself and my “all over the place” ass on a roll ✌️!!

- Zujin De Torres

#2020 #blog #goals #july

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joshuabradleyn · 7 years ago

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The Beginner’s Guide to the Mediterranean Diet

If there was a high school yearbook of diets, The Mediterranean Diet would certainly win “most popular:”

U.S. News tied it #1 in their “Best Overall Diet” category.

They also ranked it #1 in the “Easiest Diet to Follow” race[1].

Fitness Magazine calls it the “The World’s Healthiest Diet” [2].

WebMD flat out said they “love” the Mediterranean Diet [3].

As far as mainstream media goes, you can’t get much better coverage than that.

Impressive? Absolutely.

Accurate? Maybe.

Here at Nerd Fitness, we love nothing better than digging into popular trends to give you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And lego photos and cute animal gifs.

So you’re here full of questions, which I bet go something like:

Steve, what is the Mediterranean Diet?

Can I lose weight on the Mediterranean Diet?

Why is this Diet so popular?

Can I do the Mediterranean Diet wrong?

Can I eat pasta and pizza on the Mediterranean Diet?

Will you buy me a plane ticket to Santorini?

These are all great questions (though maybe not the last one), and I have no doubt I can help you make sense of this and start changing your nutrition today.

Let’s get weird.

What is the Mediterranean Diet?

The Mediterranean Diet is a way of life that involves eating real food: vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes (beans), some fish, and a whole lotta “healthy” fat. Plus a little red wine.

It gets its name from a few key countries on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea, and studying the dietary patterns of the people who live long lives in that area.

When experts discuss the Mediterranean Diet, the words “heart-healthy” will almost certainly be attached. It’s the reason the Mediterranean Diet shines like a crazy diamond, because who DOESN’T want a healthy heart?

So why does this diet make your heart healthy, and why do people tend to lose weight on it?

Simple: Every item listed above falls into the REAL food category. When I say real food, I mean stuff that came from the ground, grew on a tree, grazed on a field, flew through the air, or swam in the water.

Here’s another way to put it: If your great grandma from the old country wouldn’t recognize it as food, it probably doesn’t fit into the Mediterranean Diet.

Sorry Pop-Tarts, Big Macs, and Coca-Cola.

Logically, the reason this diet gets good grades makes sense. Of COURSE a diet composed of REAL food like the Mediterranean Diet would have REAL health benefits.

And those benefits are awesome! The diet has been linked to a plethora of benefits, including a reduced risk of heart attack[4], and even the retention of cognitive abilities to help stave off dementia[5].

At this point you might be wondering:

“Steve, I like the cut of your jib, and this diet sounds pretty good. So, just eat real food, got it. But what about all these benefits I hear about olive oil? And I thought pasta was unhealthy. That’s a crucial part of the Mediterranean Diet too, right? Tell me more.”

I got you, boo.

Where did the Mediterranean Diet Come From?

Believe it or not, this diet wasn’t created by a goat herder in the Greek countryside.

It was actually theorized by an American scientist back in the 50s, and started gaining popularity in the 90s.

Have you heard the name, Ancel Keys?

He’s a doctor from back in the day (think 1950s) often credited with popularizing the idea that saturated fat leads to deadly heart attacks, a la high cholesterol levels in the bloodstream. We went in-depth on this very controversial subject in “A Beginner’s Guide to Cholesterol,” so I won’t rehash it here.

The reason I bring Keys up is because he was one of the early founders of the Mediterranean Diet.

Keys formulated this diet after pouring over data and research and identified that people in Greece and Italy statistically lived longer than other populations he studied. Farmers working until the age of 100 wasn’t uncommon on the Greek island of Crete.

So what was the big secret?

Are the people of Crete actual descendants of Atlantis with special DNA and olive oil running through their veins?

Not really.

Keys noted these Mediterraneans had low saturated fat intake, getting fat instead from olives and fresh fish. He also noted low instances of heart disease, and thus declared something like, “low saturated fat consumption causes fewer instances of heart disease and leads to a longer life.”

Now, if you’re a nerd like me, you are hopefully aware that “correlation does not prove causation,” that even though two variables are correlated, it doesn’t mean that one causes the other.

But it was a great story, backed up by logically sounding data from an accomplished researcher, and the hypothesis became “fact.” Thus, the hypothesis of the “Mediterranean Diet equals long life” continued to gain steam, and Keys work went on to define a huge portion of America’s nutritional guidance over the past 60 years.

Fast forward to the 1990s, and the Mediterranean Diet story reached the mainstream media with the help of a group of researchers, who decided it was time to popularize and proselytize its benefits.

In a controversial and complicated part of the story that’s much lesser known, these researchers focused on Greece and Italy, ignoring data from any other Mediterranean population that didn’t fit their narrative. Together, under Walter C. Willett from Harvard School of Public Health, they came up with the ‘Mediterranean Diet Pyramid.”

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, this DOES look just like the food pyramid you were taught in grade school! But with more real food. And wine. And dancing.

I told you Keys’s work was very influential in the guidelines we all grew up with! So that concludes today’s history portion of the article.

Back to getting weird:

What can I eat on the Mediterranean Diet?

As I already pointed out, the Mediterranean Diet focuses on REAL food that’s found in the Mediterranean (duh).

It’s one of the things I love about it!

Below are our recommended types of food, examples of each, and substitutes in case you don’t happen to live on Sicily or Santorini:

Vegetables. Common Mediterranean Diet staples are artichokes, arugula, Brussels sprouts, celery, and peas, but seriously any vegetable you enjoy is good enough! So go wild. Hate veggies? I got you.

Fruit. Figs, mandarins, tomatoes (yeah it’s a fruit), and pomegranate are common to the area, but fruit like apples and oranges works too. Just don’t eat 5,000 calories of sugar-filled fruit and wonder why you’re not losing weight!

Whole Grains. Barley, buckwheat, oats, rice, and wheat, in the form of fresh made wheat pasta, whole wheat bread, and pitas. Whole grains are encouraged in just about every article on the Mediterranean Diet. When we say “whole” we mean minimally processed, and are consumed in significantly smaller portions than you’re probably used to.

Legumes. Think beans and lentils: a great sources of protein and fiber that also happen to be delicious. Hummus, a dish from the Mediterranean, is made out of the chickpeas (a legume).

Dairy. Remember that pyramid from a moment ago? You’ll see that dairy is higher up, meaning to consume in smaller quantities. Why? because researchers were concerned about saturated fat. With the Mediterranean Diet, dairy tends to comes from cheese like brie, feta and parmesan, and Greek yogurt (though I assume there they just call it “yoghurt,”).

Fish. Fish are packed full of Omega-3 fatty acids (good!), which tends to be deficient in most American/Western diets and has been linked to health ailments[6]. Fish like cod are found in the Mediterranean, though you could go with options like tuna or salmon too.

Poultry. Factoid: Did you know there are roughly three chickens on Earth to every person? Roughly 20 billion fowl share the planet with us. I’ve been sitting on that statistic for a while and was antsy to share. Anyways! Go ahead and eat your preferred poultry, which could also include turkey and duck.

Healthy Oils. Olive oil. If there is one specific food linked to the Mediterranean Diet, it’s olive oil. Olive oil is touted for its monounsaturated fat, unlike the saturated fat of say butter. Personally, I think both are fine. But I encourage people to eat plenty of healthy fat, as demonstrated by our “Beginner’s Guide to the Keto Diet.” So go ahead and use olive oil.

How much of each category should you eat? That’s a good question, and depending on your quantity of each categories, you may or may not lose weight (I’ll cover all of this in a section below).

In addition to that, everybody does the Mediterranean Diet differently:

Some argue that dairy shouldn’t be in the Mediterranean Diet at all, because it contains saturated fat.

Others would say red meat should be listed above, because Mediterranean dishes often include lamb.

Depending on which country in the Mediterranean you pick, your “diet” will be very different.

You’re never going to get a straight answer on this, and that’s okay! This diet is loosely based on a region, in a moment in time, as interpreted by researchers with an agenda.

The reason I’m telling you this: I don’t care where the diet came from, or the story told around it. The same is true for Paleo (I don’t care about cavepeople!) – we don’t care about the story; we only care if the story helps people make healthier food choices.

Don’t get bogged down in the details or the dogma or the history, Instead, look at the list of food above. Shift your eating and go for big wins, by eating protein and real food as listed above, and you’ll be much better off than you are currently.

Which brings me to my next point…

What foods should I avoid on the Mediterranean Diet?

Yup, there are definitely “you’re doing it wrong” foods when it comes to the Mediterranean Diet. I know, easier said than done. If you’re gonna go Mediterranean, please cut wayyyy back on the following:

Added sugar. This. If all you did to improve your diet was cut out added sugar, you’d be well on your way to improved health. Ditch the candy, soda, and ice cream and you’ll make me very happy. I’m generally pretty happy, but this will really put things over the top.

Refined grain. Oh Mediterranean Diet, you do get me. The second thing I would tell people to do to improve their diet would be to cut out refined and processed grains. Your body’s blood sugar can react to it almost the same way it does to sugar.

Refined oils. Dump out all rapeseed oil, soybean oil and canola oil. When they’re heated, like they do when undergoing refinement, they create free radicals. Which aren’t as fun as they tend to sound, because of the whole “not good for your health” thing[7]. Science, you should really think of a less awesome name here.

Processed meat. High quality meat will have better nutrients and fatty acid profiles than its processed counterparts. So cut back on uber processed deli meats and hot dogs. As for bacon, that’s your judgment call, partner.

Now, the above shouldn’t too much of a shocker. Are you starting to see why the Mediterranean Diet is popular and reputable? It keeps things simple!

Eat real food.

Avoid unhealthy food.

Use olive oil.

Of course, this is ALL easier said than done, and whether or not you’ll lose weight on the diet is juuuuust a bit more complex than the above.

Will I lose weight on the Mediterranean Diet?

Short answer: It’s certainly possible.

Longer answer: If you currently eat a standard American diet full of processed food and sugar, the Mediterranean Diet will probably help you shed body fat if you can stick with it consistently and follow it intelligently.

I’ve talked about this extensively in our “Beginner’s Guide to Healthy Eating,” but the trick of any self respectable diet rests on eating REAL food and eliminating the bad food.

That’s it.

It’s why the Keto Diet and the Paleo Diet both work – for people that can stick it. The same goes for Intermittent Fasting. These diets all focus on cutting out all the processed garbage, consuming real food, and keeping total calorie consumption under control. They just do it with different rules to follow.

The Mediterranean Diet is no different.

It focuses on real food that people in Mediterranean Europe have been eating for generations. Fresh vegetables, fruits, and fish are nothing new to the people of Greece! If you went back into the days of antiquity, after slaying a minotaur, you’d bask in a feast of fish, olives, and berries.

Of course, ALLLLL diets come with a big fat caveat:

Knowing you should eat fresh veggies, fruit, and fish is VERY different than actually sticking with it when life gets in the way, your kid gets sick, and you have to pick up a second job.

We all know we should eat better. But HOW to eat better, consistently, permanently: that’s where lasting weight loss and decades of healthy living happen.

This is the big reason why we put such an emphasis on nutritional planning for each person in our 1-on-1 coaching program: you have to make the diet work for YOUR specific life situation!

So, the reason the Mediterranean Diet works is the same reason other diets work: eating real food makes you more likely to consume fewer calories on a consistent basis, and you can’t defeat thermodynamics. Eating 5,000 calories of pasta and fish, though technically allowed on the Mediterranean Diet, will still result in weight gain.

So yes, if your current eating habits aren’t great, moving towards a Mediterranean Diet would be a solid move, especially if it helps you change your relationship with food and teaches you about portion sizes!

I’ll admit there’s controversy on how the Mediterranean Diet was formulated, but it ALSO encourages people to eat more real food, in smaller quantities, and has a good chance of weight loss if your changes are permanent.

Just remember: temporary changes create temporary results. If you follow a Mediterranean Diet to lose a few pounds and then go back to how you eat now, you’ll end up right back where you started!

We want small wins, permanent changes, and momentum!

Should I eat whole grains, dairy, and legumes on the Mediterranean Diet?

I have absolutely no problem if you choose to eat grains, dairy, or legumes. I certainly do, and I consider myself a healthy, well-informed individual.

So what gives? For starters, we’re not a Paleo Blog – we’re a “help people get results in the way that works for them” blog.

For some people, that’s Paleo – their stomach doesn’t process dairy well, they have gluten intolerances, or they like the idea of eating like a caveperson.

For others, it’s Keto. They eat a LOT of cheese and healthy fat but minimize carb consumption.

For the majority of the planet, however, these diets are FAR too restrictive, so they instead are looking for a strategy that fits into their healthy lifestyle. That’s cool.

So should you eat grains, pasta, rice, etc, as allowed on the Mediterranean Diet? If you can keep your portions under control, sure. Just be careful, as grains can cause issues:

Grains are high in carbohydrates and calories. Somebody could technically be “Mediterranean” and consume 5,000 calories of whole grains every day. They’ll gain weight and wonder why it’s not working.

Some people have gluten intolerances. Grains have only been consumed for the past few thousand years of our existence as a species, and some people have challenges consuming them, or feel bloated afterward.

You don’t actually need grains. Yes, you need vitamins like B1 and B2, plus magnesium and potassium. But vegetables have these too, with less carbs and for some, less digestive issues. When you start to calculate the risk to reward ratio of grains, you need to make sure the juice is worth the squeeze for your situation.

You can apply similar “concerns” to both legumes and dairy. Both can be high in caloric content or introduce digestive problems for certain people.

My recommendation: treat yourself like a scientist and treat this like an experiment:

If you are following a Mediterranean Diet and consuming dairy, grains, and legumes and you’re getting results and a clean bill of health from your doctor, GREAT! Keep doing what you’re doing.

If you are following a Mediterranean Diet with dairy, grains, and legumes and NOT losing weight, try minimizing your consumption of some/all of these things to see if that changes things.

I know how tough it can be to eat just HALF of something on your plate, or eat a smaller portion of a food you really enjoy, so I’m gonna share with you a diet that is picking up some steam, and might be a good experiment for you to consider.

Should I Consider a Low-Carb Mediterranean Diet?

https://ift.tt/2MpPUEY

#The Beginner’s Guide to the Mediterranean Diet

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albertcaldwellne · 7 years ago