Tumgik
#causing myself more harm.
lovelaceisntdead · 1 month
Text
i think i just need to rewatch lost.
#that will fix me i think.#because i am doing. bad. i know i have not been keeping this a secret but i feel very stuck and i don't really know what to do.#my general anxiety levels are much higher than they usually are and um. i don't really know why. which then just makes it worse.#and i feel so down and hopeless. i can't make myself feel excited about things. i have hardly any motivation#and no energy to do anything even if i did#like yellowjackets s3 starting production and i just don't feel excited about it and it's making me really sad#and I'm getting upset about things that i feel silly for getting upset about and i can't say anything because I'm embarrassed#for being upset in the first place#i feel so incredibly disconnected from everyone around me it's so hard to talk to anyone#I'm running on autopilot most of the time at the moment#and I'm finding it so hard not to push people away. but at the same time i feel so out of place and I'm dissociating a lot so.#idk whay I'm saying with this#i just feel like i need to get stuff out because i feel so anxious i might explode#and with the weather getting warmer a lot of my physical symptoms are flaring up. anf being in this house is so suffocating#i feel like i can inly exist in this perpetual state of fine. can't be any worse can't be any better#I'm just constantly pretending that I'm just Okay because it's easier than having to deal wirh anything else. but i know I'm really just#causing myself more harm.#I'm done now. just trying to relieve some of the pressure i am feeling in my whole entire body.
12 notes · View notes
4st7lbsremastered · 5 days
Note
idgi, why don’t you break up w your gf if you don’t like her?
fuck off. everytime ive attempted to break up with her she has beaten me or tried to kill me or tried to kill herself and wreaked havoc upon my life. im allowed to express my annoyance being a closeted gay man who has a girlfriend who hates him but cant live w/out him.
it isnt as simple as "me not liking her", i love her more than myself. i would say i am completely devoted & obsessed, and hurt that she doesnt return my loyalty or love. i've spent the past half a decade trying to pull her out of addiction, to tell me i dont like her is retarded. she doesn't respect me, or like me & i have given her everything.
38 notes · View notes
martyrbat · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
[ID: the uncoloured drawing for page 4 of the comic Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #192 next to the publicized page. In them, Alfred is in a room in the Wayne Manor and is drawing back the curtains to let in the sunlight. The narration reads, ‘In the morning, it's like nothing happened,’ despite Bruce almost bleeding out from a rough patrol last night. Bruce from off panel comments, “Ah, much better with the extra light. Thank you, Alfred.” Alfred looks over and dryly replies, “You know, anyone else would be doing pretty well just to be awake”
Bruce is shown to be in an electric hospital bed and has his head wrapped in bloodstained bandages, where little tufts of black hair stick out from it. He has a neck brace on and his arm is wrapped. There's a large bandage placed on his lower face, where his stubble is also overgrown due to neglecting his personal grooming in favour of focusing on Batman related duties. The revealed room is shown to be cluttered with several large, medical machines and carts full of medical supplies — which includes sponges, oxygen tanks and masks, pain relievers, syringes, bandages, and (inexplicably) a baster. Bruce sits up in bed and is chewing at the end of a pen as he looks down at a notepad and several papers that's on an overbed table.
Alfred brings him breakfast on a tray as he remarks, “I step out for twenty minutes and you're not only awake, you're already scribbling notes. Might I impose on you to set those aside long enough for some food, if not some actual rest?” Bruce instead asks where's the coffee, to which Alfred responds, “Actually, Sir, I think the last thing your overtaxed system needs right now is more stimulant.” Bruce challenges him, “‘Overtaxed’? Is that your professional opinion?” Alfred wryly replies, “As the one who found you riddled with holes last night, I can only speculate as to their cause. However... having discounted the possibility of suicidal intention, or gross incompetence, on your part...” Bruce immediately accuses, “You think I'm trying to do more than I can actually manage.” His butler calmly justifies, “Unless you've developed some new ability that you are hiding from me, I suspect you cannot be everywhere at once.”
In the original line art, there's two plushies (a round bunny and a bat) drawn amongst all the medical supplies. Sadly, it wasn't included in the publicized version. The third photo is a description of the drawing from the artist's (Seth Fisher) website. It reads: This is one of the delightful pages in which Seth put some amusements for himself which were censored and excised by the editors, in order to retain Batman's image as a serious superhero. In this page both the bunny and the bat in the lower right frame failed to make the final cut.]
166 notes · View notes
insane-weasel · 5 months
Text
I think as writers we should hold funerals for our WIPs more often.
Dearly beloved, gather us here today where this fic of some middle-aged man getting rawdogged and this other fanfic about the importance of friendship are laid to rest, because the author got really distracted playing that new video game.
We celebrate what could have been, cut-and-recycle those really good lines or ideas, because I swear I'm going to use them, I swear! And drag this poor document not to the great recycling bin or trash, but to the "graveyard" folder because sometimes I like to commune with the dead.
#fanfic#Writing#I just had to throw out 5k words of a one shot over something I can't change/control but I never delete old WIPs#I do just put them in a folder and still backup that folder with my other files#Yes some of my earlier ideas were horrendous but also there's a part of me still there in each of them#Sometimes it's less about the writing and more about who I was I want to sometimes revisit#Who was the teen girl writing gore at 15 and what would she think of today's writing#Who was the insecure fearful loveless boy who over expressed his masculinity online and wrote tough lonely guy characters#I don't want to be them anymore but when I hate myself sometimes it's nice to read what I've written#You hear the problems you never thought youd overcome in the author notes or in the subject and those fears and pain#You also see the first time you wrote a subject#I wish I hadn't deleted lots of my writing from when I was very young#Some I did because it legitimately could cause or encourage harm if left online#But I think I always smile when I see the old “this year is 8th grade” because by golly#Still think it's hilarious I got really into writing in middle school because I was jealous of someone else's writing ability in 6th grade#I can remember the exact moment I looked at my 2 page story and was filled with jealousy because they wrote 12 pages and my story felt so..#I remember going home and going 'i know I can write something good!' and people will like it!#And then like while looking for some place to upload writing I found fanfic
12 notes · View notes
hissterical-nyaan · 7 months
Text
.
19 notes · View notes
meimi-haneoka · 5 months
Text
I'll finish replying to an ask from Aubretia later (if I don't fall asleep) but between that and some other stuff I saw again tonight, I think I might be ready to write a Clear Card Trivia post about the Squids and the Association. 🧐
It might be one of the most difficult posts I'll ever do (for the thematics implied) but I think it might be time to talk about this aspect of the story......since I never see anyone talking about it, if not in a way that totally misses their point in the narrative.
I hope it won't take too long to organize the thoughts in my head and write them down in an exhaustive, coherent and clear manner.
8 notes · View notes
ika-tko · 5 months
Text
l**s *f p is one of those games that makes me want to write eleventy billion words of character analysis, perhaps oddly (coming from me at least) about v*****i. i think it's because he's nearly universally praised, so much so that i've seen people wondering why the game itself calls him a narcissist or would say anything bad about him at all. there are instances in the lore where reasons for why people wouldn't like him aren't even subtext, it's just plain text. the text in l**s *f p is just very ah, skippable, so i feel that some folks may have missed it (or just ignore it in some form or another, i don't know).
tbh i'm also sort of afraid that talking about it too much will make it seem like i'm trying to start some type of fandom war or claim that people are """wrong or bad""" for liking v*****i, which is absolutely not my intent. there's nothing wrong with liking his character, i'm just saying the game blatantly tells you why some people don't.
on a mostly related note, consider checking out robocop sometime if you haven't already!!
8 notes · View notes
big8cola · 1 year
Text
Hi
Tumblr media Tumblr media
26 notes · View notes
pixeljade · 3 months
Text
The more and more I think about it the more and more I believe callout posts should be against TOS on literally all social media websites. Best case they're mob justice, worst case cyberbullying or libel.
It just sucks because the systems for justice which do exist on and off these sites are so pathetically bad that we felt the need to develop our own extrajudicial ways of keeping folks safe. And I truly believe that's well-intentioned most of the time! But its become so horrendously clear that these extrajudicial methods are just as susceptible to abuse as the built-in ones.
Idk. Any system of "justice" which results in ruining even a single innocent life is one which we should decry. And Avery/Rita is proof positive that there's at least one.
4 notes · View notes
cinnamon-phrog · 6 months
Text
I just got more chores done in under an hour that the schedule of college couldn't let me get done in about a week,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, uh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
7 notes · View notes
chamomile-g-tea · 1 year
Text
-in regards to me appropriating ocs and causing unicornofgt’s gtms to implode - i really want to reiterate to my followers i do NOT want attention, or pity, or support or defense. I’m not here now to garner sympathy or love. i just wanted to at least address the ripple that my irresponsibility caused. i don’t condone any form of bullying or side taking or justification or. analyzing people in my name. i do not know 98% of you and you do not know me. i’m just an internet person facing my mistakes, please don’t rush to my defense just because you liked my art. real people have been hurt and driven away because i was self centered and didn’t discuss or give her space to express important boundaries, and i handled the aftermath poorly.
34 notes · View notes
magentagalaxies · 2 months
Text
i hate when i come up with a great joke about performative activism but i can't use it bc there's such a risk of people misinterpreting it as being about the people actually impacted by the issue rather than the people who only "care about the issue" for self-centered reasons. it's easier when it's about queer topics and people are like "ok well you (the person saying the joke) are personally impacted so obviously it's just about performative activists" (tho even then i've had some people misinterpret some jokes) but it's a lot harder when i'm like. yeah i'm not personally impacted by this issue but also neither are some of the people dominating the conversation just to make themselves look more progressive than they really are
4 notes · View notes
persianmom · 2 months
Text
I need space from myself
3 notes · View notes
rotationalsymmetry · 8 months
Text
I remember when I was a young adult noticing that "treatment" for cutting seemed to be focused solely on preventing the behavior and not on engaging with why people self-harm. And this struck me as very wrong and backwards.
And I keep seeing people on this website do the exact same thing with self-critical thoughts, even though the potential harm of self critical thoughts is much lower than the harm from physical self injury. Ok. You have self-critical thoughts and they make you feel bad and you want to change that. Where are they coming from?
What are they trying to tell you?
Emotions are information. Part of me managing my CFS is noticing when I feel tired or brainfogged or noise sensitive or irritable, so that I can manage my life in order to keep my symptoms in a relatively manageable range. If I just tried to barrel through them -- eg energy drinks to keep from feeling tired -- I'd make myself sicker because I'd be ignoring what my body is trying to tell me. Why should I be any less considerate of myself when the information comes in thoughts and emotions rather than physical states?
Self critical thoughts are a symptom. They are information. It's worth paying attention to what triggers them and where they're coming from.
8 notes · View notes
dinotoaster · 4 hours
Text
who's still stuck in thinking patterns he thought he retired a while ago because certain comments from his mother suddenly made everything a lot worse? I need this shit gone from my brain like yesterday. I don't want to be anxious and nervous and insecure get OUT.
2 notes · View notes
ozlices · 6 months
Text
the thing abt the whole 'ull stop caring what others think of u one day' line is that it's v misleading in how it's typically worded. bc in all honesty, the older i get, i HAVE started to care less & less what ppl think of me.
but, like, it's not been a magical awakening that i woke up with one day. it's a mentality i've had to actively work on. & build up over time.
& i've only been able to do that by understanding who i am as a person, & honing in on what i stand for & stand against.
& through working on those things, i've been able to start working on caring less when someone perceives me otherwise. because, at that point, it's not me they're perceiving. i'm not gonna change the mind of someone who is actively choosing to perceive me as something i'm not. & it's not my responsibility nor problem.
so, like. yeah. you do learn to stop caring abt what others think of u. but, that's the thing. it's something you learn. it's something you have to work on. it's a mentality you have to build. & it's something that, like any other lesson, can be faltered with at times.
but, it's just. part of being human, i guess.
5 notes · View notes