#ceilings lizzy mcalpine

[ateotd-izzy]

ceilings | stiles stilinski x fem!reader

part one | PART TWO (requested by @mysticallystilinski)

summary: after going through her memories and finally remembering stiles, y/n is confident that he’s back. so she goes with lydia and malia to find him.

warnings: FLUFF, some swearing, this is more parts of the episode rather than me just making it up but yk

taglist: @brvceyamada

☾

“y/n?” scott’s voice brought you out of your head.

"where is he?" you turned to face him. “you guys saw him? right? it was working.”

“what?”

“stiles. he was right here. didn’t you guys see him? the light?” you gestured to the empty hall in front of you.

“we didn't see anyone.” malia stated.

"no." you looked down the corridor again, your voice echoing around the walls. "he was here. i know it."

"alright, come on." malia put her hands on your shoulders. "back inside."

she and lydia led you back into the room and scott closed the door behind you all. or he went to.

liam appeared in the doorway and stopped it from closing last second.

"liam..." scott sighed in relief.

"there's something you need to see." liam said to him.

"you're still here."

"but everyone else is gone. all of them. they're all gone."

your heart probably would've sunk if you weren't dead set on the thought that stiles was back.

you ignored the rest of the conversation between liam and scott and tried to think about exactly where stiles could be. where you would find him.

"in case stiles comes back?"

your head shot up at lydia's words.

"if there's hope, you need to keep trying." scott told the three of you.

you knew stiles wouldn't think to come to argent's bunker, but you kept quiet as scott left with liam.

you waited about ten minutes before heading for the door.

“um, excuse me?” lydia scoffed, getting your attention. “where do you think you’re going?”

“where does it look? i’m going to find stiles.”

“scott told us to stay in case he shows up here.” lydia stated.

“okay, we all know stiles would never come here.” malia pointed out, joining you at the door, and you nodded in agreement.

“see? we need to find him.” you stated. the look lydia gave you was one of disbelief. “look, if he was gonna show up here, he would’ve. but he hasn’t, so…”

lydia didn’t say anything.

“please, lydia?” you begged. “please?”

“fine.” she caved and the three of you quickly left the bunker.

you ended up in the school parking lot just a few minutes later where stiles’ jeep had been left since he disappeared.

instead now the car was gone.

hope sparked in your chest as you examined the tire marks on the ground in front of you.

“they look fresh.” lydia noted.

“it’s from stiles’ jeep.” malia agreed. “it must’ve just left.”

“without his keys?” lydia asked incredulously.

“he used a screwdriver to start it up half the time.” you spoke up, not looking at your friends.

“then he’s here.” malia spoke.

“we have to tell scott.” lydia stated.

looking up, you noticed train tracks running across the school’s lawn and into the building.

“yeah, well, we should probably tell scott about that too.” you stood up and started walking over.

lydia and malia exchanged a look and the three of you headed into the school.

after reaching the library and finding the train station inside, and soon after finding peter, getting malia to get him out of the ghost riders’ world and into your own, there was a fight and you and lydia had to run out of the library, leaving malia and peter alone to fight the ghost riders.

“shit, where’s—” your voice seemed to disappear as you spoke.

both you and lydia had turned around to face the library, but you had this feeling.

your heart sped up and it was like a rush. like how you had felt before when you went through your memories.

the feeling you had around stiles.

you started heading down the hallway without another word.

“y/n? where on earth…” lydia sighed and followed after quickly.

it was like something was pulling you through the school, down the different hallways.

a gunshot not too far ahead got you to speed up.

“scott, i can’t fight this guy!” stiles’ voice shouted from one of the locker rooms and you frantically grabbed lydia’s arm, pulling her to the room as another gunshot went off.

“no, no, no.” you muttered as you did so, before you reached the doorway.

inside the room was a ghost rider pointing his gun right at someone’s head.

stiles stood before the ghost rider, looking exactly like he did when you last saw him.

the same red flannel, the same hairstyle, everything.

you covered your ears as lydia screamed, sending the ghost rider flying into the lockers ahead.

when she stopped you pushed your way into the room properly and froze as stiles stared back at the two of you in shock.

“stiles…” you breathed out, a smile tugging on your lips.

you both then rushed towards each other, meeting halfway and connecting your lips in a kiss.

his hands cupped your face like they had so many times before, and your hands were in his hair, trying to keep him as close to you as possible.

you never wanted to let go of him.

the missing piece to your puzzle had finally been found, and now the picture was complete.

in that moment, you didn’t care about the ghost riders, or lydia, who had stepped out of the room for a moment. the only thing you cared about was him.

stiles.

the three whole months without him had been the longest of your life. even if you couldn’t remember him.

the two of you pulled apart and his arms found their way around you.

“oh, god.” he mumbled into your shoulder, hugging you tight.

you took his face in your hands and just examined him. you took in all his features as if it were the first time you had ever seen him.

he was real. and he was right in front of you.

“i thought i had lost you.” you whispered, the tears finally starting to brim in your eyes. “i don’t know what i would’ve done…”

you trailed off, getting lost in his brown eyes.

his eyes.

you hugged him tightly again.

“i love you so much.” he whispered in your ear. “god, i’ve missed you.”

“you don’t know how much i’ve missed you.” you said with a slight chuckle. “oh, my god.”

he smiled and leaned in, pressing his lips against yours again.

“i still can’t…” your hand brushed some of his hair that sat slightly over his forehead. “i mean, you exist. you’re here.”

“i’m here,” he wrapped his arms around you again. “and i don’t want to leave you ever again.”

you hugged him back tight, your arms slotting into place around his torso just under his own arms.

lovely to just stay there with him.

“you ready for our last day of high school ever?” you asked stiles quietly.

the two of you were lying in his bed, under the covers and in pyjamas, facing each other.

the last day of senior year.

“no.” he whispered and you smiled softly.

you slotted your hand into his. “that’s okay.”

“yeah.”

it had taken some time, but everything had slowly begun going back to normal.

or your definition of ‘normal.’

normal was you and stiles lying in bed at 6:30 in the morning when you were supposed to be getting ready for school.

it still felt impossible for you to be looking at him again. touching him again. kissing him again.

with one hand in his and the other tucked under your head, you just stared at stiles with a smile.

“what’re you looking at, weirdo?” he asked, his beautiful smile slipping onto his face.

“you.” you leaned forward and pecked him on the lips.

“woah. very bold.”

“it’s ‘cause you’re kinda cute.” you shrugged, holding back a smile.

stiles rolled over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. “you know i might have to call my girlfriend and tell her this very pretty girl is making moves on me.”

you rolled your eyes as he held his phone to his ear, your phone ringing seconds later.

“well, would you look at that?” he grinned, hanging up the call and dropping his phone onto the bed. “you’re my girlfriend.”

“you’re such a dork.” you laughed. “and so cheesy.”

“you love me.” he whispered against your lips before kissing you.

of course the door opened at that very second.

“okay, you two, enough canoodling and start getting your butts to school.” sheriff stilinski ordered, coffee mug in hand, and stiles groaned. “last day!”

stilinski forced a small cheer and you chuckled, copying the cheer.

“there’s the enthusiasm.” noah nodded and walked back down the hallway.

“dad, close the door!” stiles called after him.

“get ready for school!” noah yelled back.

the two of you, stiles more begrudgingly, did end up getting ready for your last day and sat down in his jeep.

“you ready now?” you asked stiles as he put the keys into the ignition.

“nope.” he started up the car.

“me neither.”

stiles turned his head to meet your eyes and smiled.

and it feels like the end of a movie i’ve seen before

you smiled back and he started driving, both of you totally unprepared to leave high school, but ready to start the rest of your lives. together.

before

a/n: i feel like this isn’t as good (or as long) as the first part but i still hope you guys like it

[autisticlancemcclain]

Lance opens his eyes to white nothingness.

It takes him a moment to adjust, for the sight in front of him to focus into a plaster popcorn ceiling rather than a block of bright white. He blinks rapidly, clearing the bleariness, steadying himself on the steady couch cushions in the castle common room.

He stills.

The castle?

He glances back up at the ceiling, but it’s as smooth as it’s always been; dozens of feet above him. No bright plaster, no textured popcorn ceiling. He squeezes his eyes shut, wondering what he’ll see when he opens them again, wondering where he even really is.

But when he opens them again, it’s still the castle. He’s still in space.

“Did you fall asleep?”

He drops his gaze from the ceiling, landing on Keith, who’s looking at him in fond amusement.

“No,” Lance says, because he doesn’t remember losing consciousness.

“Yes you did,” Keith responds, grinning. “Loser.”

Lance rolls his eyes and tries to kick him, but Keith grabs his foot easily, tugging it towards him. Lance gets the hint, lifting his feet and placing them in Keith’s lap as he reclines back into the couch cushions. Keith rests his hands on Lance’s ankles, tugging up the hem of his pants to brush his fingers on cool skin. Lance matches his breathing with the steady movements.

“You can go back to sleep,” Keith murmurs. “I don’t mind.”

Lance almost protests. It’s lovely to be sitting with him. He’s cute when he’s soft, when he’s not worried about what they’re doing next, when he lets his guard down. Lance only wishes things were less slow, less lethargic, so his eyes weren’t so heavy.

.

.

.

The rain starts to come down harder, faster, and it gets harder and harder to see. Lance squints, trying to see through the sleet of rain. It’s hard; he can barely see the shadows in front of him even though it can’t be past noon. The wind is icy, blowing at the soaked fabric of his orange uniform coat. Strangely he’s not cold. He’s hot, actually, suffocating in a blanket of heat, even as the rain pelts his skin, drops down his nose.

“Taylor! Come on!”

A boy appears in front of him. Lance startles — it’s so hard to see in the storm that it’s like he’s popped out of thin air. The boy’s long black hair is plastered to his head, and he’s soaked to the bone. He reaches out and wraps a glove-covered hand around Lance’s wrist, pulling gently.

“Come on, it’s freezing, you’re going to get sick. Let’s go, Taylor.”

Taylor?

Lance’s sneakers are soaked through, and usually that would bother him. But for some reason he can’t bring himself to move, to walk away. He hasn’t felt the rain on his skin in two years.

That doesn’t make sense. It’s the middle of the rain season in the Arizona desert. All students are forbidden from going outside. He’s not supposed to be here. This boy isn’t, either, this boy who calls him Taylor.

Lance followed this boy. Didn’t he? That’s why he’s out here in the first place, against Garrison orders. He always gets in trouble for following this boy into trouble.

His shoes are heavy with water, but slowly he picks up his feet, crossing his ankles. He smiles slightly and lets himself twist, holding his open palms out to the sky, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. A raindrop hits his cheek and slides down to his lips. It tastes of salt.

“You’re ridiculous! It’s a storm, Taylor! We need to get back before we get caught! Or hurt!”

Lance looks over at the boy. His indigo eyes are narrowed, clouded over with frustrated, strong brow furrowed to protect his eyes from the water.

He looks troubled. He’s too young to be this trouble. They both are.

Lance shifts their hands, so they’re entwined, and pulls the boy forward. He stumbles, but doesn’t fall.

“What are you doing?”

Lance smiles, grabbing his other hand, and twirls him around to imaginary music. For a minute the boy stubbornly resists, then a small smile cracks his face, and he relents.

“You’re crazy,” he says.

Lance just smiles. It’s kind of nice to be rained on with this boy, whoever he is.

.

.

.

.

A hard bump in the road smacks Lance’s head to the window, dragging him awake.

“Fuck,” Keith curses. “Sorry, Bluebell. Go back to sleep, we’re still a little ways away.”

Lance yawns, shaking his head. “No, I wanna stay awake. Don’t want to lose any time with you.”

It’s clearly the right thing to say. Keith smiles, wide, showing the crooked incisors Lance loves so much. He reaches over and grasps Lance’s hand in one of his, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to one of the knuckles. Stubble tickles the back of his hand.

“Me either.”

Neither of them speaks after that. Keith’s broken car radio lets out a burst of static every couple of minutes, but it’s drowned out by the sound of rain pelting the windshield. Keith hums slightly as he drives, tapping a finger on the steering wheel. It feels familiar, almost, like the start of a movie Lance has seen a thousand times. He supposes he has, with how often they’ve made this drive.

The drive takes another hour, but it feels so short. Too soon they’re driving past the farm fields, turning onto a long gravel driveway, stopping in front of a brick house with blue paint peeling from the door.

Keith parks the car, pulling off his seatbelt and shifting to face Lance. His smile is kind of melancholy. He cups his hands around Lance’s face, and the leather of his gloves feels too soft, almost blurry, somehow, corporeal. He leans in and kisses Lance gently, reverently, sadly.

“Tell your family I said hi,” he murmurs, pulling away slightly.

“You could come in for a while,” Lance offers. He doesn’t want to leave. He doesn’t want Keith to leave.

But Keith is already shaking his head. “You gotta go, Lance.”

His words are muffled. Far away. Lance isn’t sure that’s even what he said.

Lance blinks and then he’s slamming the car door, running to the porch with his jacket hiked over his head. He turns back when he reaches the front door, but Keith is already gone.

.

.

.

.

.

Lance wakes to sunlight warming his bare skin. His sheets are smooth on his legs, resting on his thighs and belly, barely really covering him. Most of the sheets are tangled around toned, pale legs, knobby knees. Lance follows them all the way up to a wide chest, covered in scars, and a well-defined jaw, thick black hair streaked with grey. A man stares at him, bleary-eyed, smile making his crow’s feet more defined. A long purple scar stretches across his cheek. Lance realises he’s leaning on the man’s chest, fingertips tracing shapes on his rough skin.

“How long’ve you been ‘wake, sweetheart?” the man mumbles, slight Texan accent bleeding into his words.

Lance shrugs. Truly, he has no idea.

The man says nothing more, only pressing a kiss to Lance’s hair before leaning back into the pillows, holding him tightly. Lance takes the time to look around the unfamiliar bedroom, trying to find out where he is. There are pictures everywhere; the man, Lance, Lance and the man, Lance and the man and a group of other smiling faces. Lance recognises none of them. There’s a large vanity table by the window, surface covered in various bottles and lotions, obviously not the man’s. It’s all as familiar as it is foreign.

The man runs calloused fingers over Lance’s ribs, slowly, and he shivers. No one has ever touched him like that before; intimately, quietly, adoringly. Touching for the sake of touch, like there’s nowhere he’d rather be than in Lance’s space.

He’s cute. He makes Lance feel safe.

Lance should probably find out his name.

But the man traces what’s clearly a heart on Lance’s sternum, and Lance is so comfortable. He feels like all his worries are a step away. Something’s wrong, he knows it is, but it’s lovely to sit between this comfort and chaos.

He doesn’t want to ruin the moment.

.

.

.

.

.

.

This time there’s no rain. He’s not asleep beforehand. He simply comes to awareness in the car, hand clutched in Keith’s, static playing gently through the radio. They’re driving to Lance’s family’s house again, and the sense of deja vu is stronger this time, the sense of wrongness. It slips out of him, the feeling.

“Something’s not right,” Lance says quietly.

Keith snorts. “Yeah, no kidding. You could just move in with me, you know. Then we wouldn’t have to do this every couple of weeks.”

That’s not it. It’s not — separation. That’s not what Lance meant. He opens his mouth to say so, but as he does, he feels something hook around the inside of his ribcage, yanking him backwards, out the car, out of his body, out of the space. He hovers above, watching himself settle back into the passenger side, clutching Keith’s hand. Neither of them say anything for the entire drive.

Lance watches as his body presses Keith against the door when they park, kissing him soundly, laughing about something, then standing to get out. There’s no rain this time, so he lingers, leaning against the car door and sticking his head through the open window. He says something. Keith laughs, then leans over and kisses Lance again, gently, softly, hand sliding through his hair. Lance feels that, far away, from where he’s floating above them, the phantom hands in his hair.

As his body walks back to his family’s house, turning back and waving at least six times, Lance realises that it’s not real. None of it. Not the car, not the kiss, not Keith. None of it is. He presses his fingertips to his lips and they slide right through, like he’s made of air. He can’t remember the last time he was kissed. He can’t remember anything. The realisation is familiar, like the end of something, like watching the last scene of a movie and realising as the credits roll that he’s seen it before.

The familiar wrongness of it all bubbles up in him. Suddenly he wants to scream as loud as he can, but he finds he doesn’t have vocal chords to do it. Or a mouth.

Slowly, the world around him blinks in and out, the colours fade, the shapes and shadows disappear. All that’s left is a bright, endless white.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Lance opens his eyes to white nothingness.

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

Skandia Cinema Salon, 1953 - unknown photographer // The Winter Palace in Stockholm with the New Cinerama Screen, 1958 - unknown photographer // Nile theater in Mesa, Arizona, 1925 - staff photographer from the Exhibitors Herald // exile - Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver // ceilings - Lizzy McAlpine // The Joke - Brandi Carlile

[thecoldcoffeecup]

ceilings, plaster, can't you just make it move faster?

[miakate-writes]

“And it feels like the end of a movie I’ve seen before”

Ceilings - Lizzy McAlpine

[yantao-enthusiast]

so is anyone else in this niche pocket of lizzy mcalpine fan that relates some of her music to danganronpa characters….. or am i just incomprehensible to all humankind 💔

[morganski-19]

A Movie I’ve Seen Before

It was cold. The trees rustled behind Steve, the breeze making him shiver. Pinks and Oranges painted the sky as the sun started to set. It was peaceful, Steve felt peaceful. He doesn’t always quite remember what it’s like to be, so he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting his feet dangle over the edge of the cliff.

“I don’t think that’s exactly safe, Harrington,” a voice teases from behind him. Steve can’t help but be confused as to who it is. Suddenly, there is a cold beer being placed in his hands and a person sitting down next to him. Legs adorned in black jeans join his over the cliff's edge. “I mean, wouldn't want you accidentally falling off now would we?”

Steve turns his head to find Eddie Munson taking a long sip from a beer bottle, something in him making him turn away fast. “If it’s so dangerous then why are you here sitting next to me?” he finds himself responding.

Eddie snorts as his face breaks out into a wide smile. “Maybe I like dangerous.” Steve can’t find himself disagreeing. He lets them fall back in silence, looking back out over the quarry, only hearing the soft clinking of Eddie’s rings on his beer bottle. “So,” Eddie starts slowly, “bring all your dates out here, Harrington?”

“Is this a date?” Steve looks back over at Eddie, his brows knitting together in confusion.

“Well, isn’t it?” There is a softness in Eddie’s eyes that Steve doesn’t think he’s ever seen before.

Steve finds himself staring at Eddie, thinking about the question. It does seem like a date, not one he’d choose for a girl, but maybe one he’d choose for Eddie. Seems like something he would enjoy. Nothing big or romantic, but small and thoughtful. Away from the noise of the town and the wandering eyes of gossip. Just the two of them, together, alone. Steve can’t find a reason as to why it wouldn’t be one, or why he actually quite likes the idea.

“Yeah,” Steve says while meeting Eddie’s eyes, a small smile forming on his face. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Eddie matches Steve’s smile, bumping Steve’s shoulder as he adverts his eyes back to the water. He feels a small warmth build on his face. Steve takes a sip of his beer, the slightly bitter taste lingering on his tongue. Not much is said between them, neither of them wanting to break the peaceful bubble that surrounds them.

Soft rain starts to fall on Steve’s shoulder, but he can’t seem to care. He doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to have this moment end. It might not be his decision to, as the soft rain picks up, and starts to turn into a downpour.

Eddie stands, reaching out his free hand down to Steve. “Probably should go, don’t want to get too soaked.”

“Probably.” Steve grabs Edddie’s hand, letting himself be pulled off the group. He leads Eddie over to his car when he feels a large splash on his lower legs. Turning around, he finds Eddie looking back at him with a wicked grin. Taking his opportunity, Steve kicks at the puddle forming at his feet, spraying the muddy water all over Eddie’s legs.

A bark comes out of Eddie at the contact. “Playing dirty, are we now, Stevie?”

Steve holds his hands up in defense. “Hey, you started it.”

“That may be true, but that doesn’t mean I won’t finish it.” Eddie bends down and swipes his hand through the puddle, spraying the water up higher at Steve. He responds by kicking at the puddle again, hitting Eddie’s chest this time.

They go back in forth like this for a while, letting the rain fall around them while they splash around like children. The weirdest thing about all of this is how Steve doesn’t want it to stop. He hasn’t had fun like this since he was a kid, barely even allowed to play in puddles then. But something about the way Eddie is laughing is electric, fueling him to keep going even if that means his car seats will get covered in mud. Steve thinks he’d do anything to hear Eddie laugh like this.

Somehow the two of them get close, breaking into uncontrollable laughter. Eddie rests his shoulder on Steve’s, holding onto him while he tries to catch his breath. Steve doesn’t know why, but he has the urge to pull him closer, but he doesn’t.

“Thank you for humoring me, Harrington. This was fun.” Eddie brings his head up to meet Steve’s eyes.

A small line of muddy water runs down Eddie’s cheek, Steve reaches out a hand to wipe it away, leaving it resting there. “It really was,”

It occurs to him how close they are standing, their faces only inches apart. For some reason, Steve finds himself leaning in, brushing his nose against Eddie’s. “Steve, you have to wake up.”

“What.” Steve pulls back confused.

“Steve, wake up.” The figure before him fades.

Continue on ao3

[newplaylistforu]

“Ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine

(You might have heard the sped up version from TikTok)

[ateotd-izzy]

ceilings | stiles stilinski x fem!reader

PART ONE | part two

summary: in an attempt to bring stiles back from the ghost riders, lydia, scott and malia try to help y/n to search her memories and remember him completely.

warnings: set during 6a, kissing, possibly swearing? idk how i feel about this tbh

taglist: @brvceyamada

☾

ceilings, plaster

“okay, y/n. imagine you’re in your bedroom.” lydia’s voice calmly echoed through the room. “visualize yourself in your bedroom.”

you looked around. your bed, your shelves, your desk, it was your bedroom.

“can you see it?” lydia asked and you nodded. “okay, good. can you see your shelf? the one with all your movies?”

you took a few steps over to the bookshelf, dvds filling each individual shelf and only a few books lay around.

“yes.”

“y/n, imagine each dvd is a memory of stiles. every movie is a different memory.” lydia spoke. “you need to find the correct memory. the one that’ll bring him back.”

you pulled the first dvd off the shelf and opened it, putting the disk into your player.

can’t you just make it move faster?

“what the hell?” you wiped your cheek with your hand as the boy in front of you laughed. “what the hell was that?”

he shrugged, still laughing.

you were in your kitchen with stiles, the afternoon sun spilling through the window as you went through the cupboards.

“seriously, babe, what was that?”

“it was just water.” he chuckled, dipping his fingers into the glass beside him and flicking it at you. “don’t need to worry.”

“you’re such a dick.” you rolled your eyes, fighting the smile that grew on your face as he slowly made his way over to you.

“you love me.”

“mhm.”

“go on. say it.” stiles whispered into your ear, his arms wrapping around your body from behind and his chin resting on your shoulder. “you know it’s true.”

“fine.” you spun around so you were still facing him in your arms. “i love you, stilinski.”

he smiled and leaned in, pecking your lips.

“i love you, too.”

lovely to be sitting here with you

“can you see him? can you remember him?” lydia asked.

“it was just water.” you mumbled. scott and malia exchanged a confused look behind lydia’s back.

“y/n, you need to find a stronger memory. keep looking.”

you’re kinda cute, but it’s

you ran your hand along the different dvds before stopping on one.

you pulled it out and glanced at the cover. it was blank.

they were all blank, so you knew it would be a hard search to find the right memory.

“find a stronger memory, y/n.” lydia’s voice guided you and you placed the new disk into the dvd player.

raining harder

“you guys won!” you cheered, grabbing both of stiles’ hands in yours.

you were standing on the lacrosse field at the high school, and he was wearing a beacon hills jersey.

he was number 24.

it must’ve been winter, or just cold, because it was raining.

the grass was all soaking wet, and water dripped down your face and near your eyes as you looked up at him with the biggest smile.

my shoes are now full of water

“did i look super hot out on the field?” he joked. you knew he had only been out there for a few minutes.

“totally.” you pulled him by his shoulders and kissed him on the lips, drops of water falling off his hair.

“i did better than scott, right?” stiles asked after you pulled apart and you laughed.

“well…”

the boy made a face at you and you scoffed.

“okay, well, he’s team captain for a reason.”

“it’s fine, i know i was better than him.”

“you keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

lovely to be rained on with you

“did you find a good one, y/n? something strong?” lydia asked and you shook your head.

“keep searching, y/n.” scott’s voice was just as soft as lydia’s, but she quickly shushed him.

“y/n, you need to find a stronger memory.”

it’s kinda cute, but it’s

you looked through the dvds and picked one out at random.

it wasn’t like you could pick and choose when they were all blank.

you thought, ‘better than nothing.’ and put it in the player.

so short

“again?”

“come on. please?” stiles made a sad face as he held out the star wars dvd to you. “we haven’t watched it in like… a month.”

“we just watched a star wars movie like a week ago.”

“yeah, but that was a new hope, so now we have to watch empire.”

“okay, fine, but my mom wants me home right after.”

“yes! also, don’t worry about that. i’ll drive you.” he smiled brightly as he put the disc into the dvd player in his living room then dropped onto the couch beside you. “you know, this is why you’re my favorite.”

“what?”

“scott would never watch this with me. especially not multiple times.”

“scott never watches movies with anyone. you should know this by now.” you bumped him with your elbow.

“i know, i know.” stiles slid his arm around your shoulder and kissed your cheek. “you’re still my favorite, though.”

then you’re driving me home

you sat in the passenger seat of stiles’ jeep, which sounded like it was going to fall apart as he drove it, later that night.

you glanced to your side, staring at his face.

you could tell a smile tugged on his lips and he looked to you for a split second.

“what are you staring at, weirdo?” he asked and you looked out the window again.

“nothing.”

“liar. you were looking at me.” he teased. “cause you think i’m so hot.”

“is that a crime?”

“oh, definitely not. you can look at me all you want.”

there was silence between you two for a moment as he pulled into your driveway. you sighed.

he looked at you this time.

“do i have to leave?”

he chuckled and gave you a kiss. “i’ll see you tomorrow, y/n.”

“see you tomorrow…”

and i don’t want to leave

“keep pushing, y/n.” lydia motivated. “search deeper. you can find the one you need.”

“do i have to leave?” you muttered the words. “see you tomorrow…”

lydia sighed. “y/n, try searching deeper. you’ve got this.”

there was a growing stack of dvds being dumped on your bed after going through its memory.

you picked out another one.

but i have to go

“come on. you don’t need to go in there.” you pointed up at the building beside you inside the large gates. “you’re not crazy.”

“i don’t want to hurt anyone, y/n.” stiles spoke, sheriff stilinski standing beside him. “especially not you.”

“but eichen house?” you stared at him sadly. “stiles…”

he reached out his hand and pulled you into his chest, hugging you tight. he kissed the top of your head.

“i love you, y/n.”

you sighed, your arms keeping him as close as possible. you didn’t want to let him go. “i love you too, stiles.”

you kiss me in your car

“come on, stiles. breathe.” you cupped the boy’s face in your hands. “try not to think about it. think about something else.”

“like what?” he panted, looking up at you with sad eyes and a broken expression.

you were both sat on the locker room floor, he was having a panic attack.

“happy things. friends, family-” you stopped yourself after he gave you a look. “okay, not family. try not to think about your dad. just breathe.”

“i…” he hyperventilated. you adjusted your hands on the sides of his face. his eyes met yours.

that was all you could see. his eyes.

“stiles, just breathe.” you could see there wasn’t really a difference in his actions. you leaned forward and attached your lips to his.

his eyes went wide, but he seemed to melt into the kiss.

you pulled apart and he stared into your eyes, his breathing slowed down, the panic attack over.

you grabbed his hand and he intertwined your fingers.

and it feels like the start of a movie i’ve seen before

“i kissed him.” you spoke to lydia and the others, your eyes closed as you sat at the table in front of them. “he was having a panic attack. i kissed him.”

“holding your breath stops a panic attack.” lydia nodded, explaining to the others. “now, y/n, find something deeper. something more important to you. something more important to him.”

“to stiles.”

“exactly.”

the next dvd was higher up on the shelf, you grabbed it easily.

bedsheets, no clothes

you were lying beside stiles, running your finger along his bare chest.

he pulled you closer to him with a smile, pushing some of your hair away from your face.

“hey.” he whispered.

you smiled back. “hey.”

“that was something.”

“a good something or a bad something?” you asked, still whispering.

“definitely a good something.” he rubbed his hand up your arm. “probably the best something. i don’t know if there’s been a better something—”

“alright, i get it.” you chuckled softly.

there was no need for the whispering, it was the evening and no one else was home, but you still did.

his hand ran along the side of your face. “you’re so beautiful.”

there was no way you could’ve fought off the smile on your face as your cheeks warmed.

touch me like nobody else does

“definitely a good something.” you recalled. “he said it was definitely a good something.”

“what was?”

you went quiet again, searching through the different dvds.

some memories were shorter than others, just conversations or things like that.

“find something, y/n. good or bad.”

lovely to just lay here with you

you picked out another dvd. it was blank like all of the others, but it seemed different.

you took it off the shelf because it seemed to be staring right at you, practically calling your name.

you played that one.

the memory didn’t give you a feeling that it would bring him back, but it felt like something you needed to see.

you’re kinda cute, and i would say all of this

“come on, stiles.” you whispered. “you can talk to me.”

he was ignoring you. and you had no clue why.

he sighed and your eyebrows knitted in confusion.

it was late at night and you were both lying in his bed, him with his back to you.

“can you just… drop it?” he mumbled. “i’m not in the mood.”

“what happened, stiles?”

“nothing, just go to sleep.” he adjusted himself in the bed slightly, but didn’t face you.

“stiles…”

but i don’t wanna ruin the moment

time seemed to skip and he was sitting up, facing you.

“what? do you not trust me or something?” you asked.

“no, that’s not it—” he cut himself off. “i just don’t want to talk about it.”

“stiles, i get that, but i want to know what’s going on with you.” you put your hand on his shoulder and he, quite obviously, winced. “what’s up with your shoul—”

“nothing, y/n. just leave it.” he winced again and pushed your hand off. “i don’t need your help.”

“seriously?” you scoffed as he turned his back to you again. “you know what? whatever.”

you pushed the covers of his bed off and stood up, slipping your shoes on.

“where are you going?” stiles asked, sitting up again.

“home.” you answered. “you obviously need space, so i’m respecting that. i’m not gonna push it anymore.”

“wait, babe,” he started getting out of his bed. “i don’t want you to go.”

“i’m still going, stiles.” you picked up your backpack. “we can talk tomorrow.”

“it’s late.”

“i’m aware. my car’s outside, remember?”

“please stay.”

“i’ll see you tomorrow, or whenever you’re ready to talk about whatever the hell’s going on with you right now.”

lovely to sit in between comfort and chaos

standing in your bedroom, staring at the tv as you left stiles’ bedroom, you remembered the fact that you didn’t talk the next day.

stiles just never said anything about it to you.

not until after everything with theo was practically over.

basically everyone else knew about it, but you.

he didn’t think you would understand, which was probably the most upsetting part for you because you did.

you understood it was self defence. you understood he did it because if he didn’t he would’ve died.

but it’s over

“y/n? are you okay?” scott asked, ignoring lydia as she shushed him.

you nodded. being hypnotised was weird.

lydia had taken notice of your saddened expression too.

“find a different memory, y/n. i know you can do this.”

then you’re driving me home

the next memory you found was not long after theo was literally sent to hell.

you were with stiles in his jeep. he was driving you home again. except this time going home from scott’s house.

the car was silent, but not in the usual comfortable way. neither of you had really spoken to the other since that night, only really for pack stuff.

you were terrified that he thought the two of you had broken up, and he was scared of the exact same thing.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you that night.” stiles spoke up. “i should’ve said something.”

“no, i get why you didn’t. i was being pushy and you didn’t want to—”

“i did want to tell you.” he sighed. “i was so scared, y/n. i thought there was a chance that you wouldn’t understand or something and i’d lose you.”

he looked right at you.

“i mean, scott didn’t.”

“that was theo’s fault.” you told him. “scott didn’t know the full story. you know he knows the truth now.”

“mm.” he seemed to agree, but you could tell something was still off by his body language.

you took the hand he didn’t have on the wheel into yours.

and it kinda comes out as i get up to go

“you know, i still love you, right?” you told him after he stopped and he looked over at you.

“wha— oh, yeah. yeah, i know.” he nodded, avoiding your eyes, looking outside the car.

“do you know?”

he didn’t answer for a moment, then shrugged.

“i do, stiles.” you kissed his cheek. “i love you, and that never changed.”

“never?”

“not for one moment.”

he smiled, then laughed softly, then leaned forward and kissed you on the lips.

“i love you too.”

you kiss me in your car

“it never changed.” you sniffled slightly. “i still loved him after everything. he was so scared i wouldn’t, but it never changed.”

“after what, y/n?” lydia asked, hoping more elaboration would help them bring back stiles.

“after donovan.”

scott knew what you were talking about, that was something he had remembered when he thought about stiles.

“after i knew, i still loved him, and he still loved me.”

and it feels like the start of a movie i’ve seen before

then you picked up one more dvd. you just stared at its blank cover and seemed to know what it was.

putting the disk in, you watched as you ran with stiles to his jeep in the school parking lot.

this was the last memory you had of stiles. the last time you had really seen him.

but it’s not real

“y/n, babe, listen. you’re going to forget me.” stiles’ voice seemed to echo around you as you recalled the night.

“no, i won’t. stiles, i won’t.”

“you will.” he cupped your cheeks and made you look him in the eyes. “you will.”

you shook your head as tears threatened to spill. “i won’t.”

“it’s okay, just find some way to remember me. any way.”

“stiles…”

and you don’t exist

“i was the last person to see him.” you spoke to your friends. “i was there when they took him. i saw it happen.”

that night was so long ago, but all the details were rushing back to you now.

you were starting to remember it all.

not just that night, but everything about stiles.

and i can’t recall the last time i was kissed

“i know you’ll find some way to remember me.” he squeezed your hand. “ do you remember the first time we danced at the winter formal? you were the first girl i ever danced with.”

you had gone together as friends, despite everyone knowing you had crushes on each other.

“remember how we started dating that summer.”

“the summer before junior year.” you nodded.

“yeah.” he stroked your cheek, wiping away a tear. “that was the best summer of my life.”

you chuckled. “mine too.”

“remember all those sleepovers we’ve had. remember when we’ve fought. remember every time we’ve kissed, or…” he paused and just stared you in the eyes.

the interior of the car was silent, but the wind blew violently outside.

“just remember i love you, okay?” he kissed your hand. “please just remember that. i need you to.”

then he was pulled from the car. the wind stopped and he was gone.

it hits me in the car

you sat there, curled into a ball in the passenger seat, sobbing.

you muttered over and over. “i remember. just remember. i promise.”

you hated the silence, and you hated that he was gone. you didn’t even notice that he had started to slip from your mind.

not until you walked into school the next day, anxiety overwhelming you as your brain tried to remember why it felt like you were forgetting something.

why it felt like a whole piece of you was missing.

just then, remembering what it was like when he was taken, every single memory of yours that included stiles came rushing back.

memories from when you were friends as kids, up until high school. memories from after scott was bitten, back when stiles had his buzzcut.

memories from when he was possessed by the nogitsune. memories from all the times both of you had almost died.

memories of the two of you before and after you started dating. memories with scott and the pack, memories with his dad, memories alone.

all of it.

and it feels like the end of a movie i’ve seen before

you opened your eyes and looked around. you weren’t in your bedroom anymore, you were back in argent’s underground bunker with lydia, scott and malia.

“y/n.”

lydia had tried to get your attention, but stiles’ voice played over and over in your mind.

you could see bright lights coming from outside the room, and you rushed out. the three of your friends who were still there ran after you.

you stopped in the corridor, the lights so bright you couldn’t see anything.

then you could see him.

not his face, or any defining qualities at all, but you knew it was him.

he was more like a silhouette, but you could recognize stiles stilinski anywhere.

“stiles.” you breathed out, a smile breaking out onto your face.

you were finally going to have him back. after months of the awful anxiety and feeling that something was missing.

he was like the last piece of your puzzle, and you were going to be complete.

then the light faded.

before

a/n: first post on tumblr help this is scary

[aureaa01]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYfXypVc/

XENOBLADE CHRONICLES 3 SPOILERS

i am distraught, i am distressed, i am in emotional turmoil, and my psyche has been permanently fractured. monolithsoft why would you do this. why did it have to eND LIKE THIS. i will never be the same

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

Berlin Street with Cabs in Rain – Lesser Ury // ceilings – Lizzy McAlpine

[stoicallyshi]

July 4th

It rains and I play Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine for the tenth time today.

[septaylorsversion]

too relatable

[nightchevalier]

A Movie I’ve Seen Before

Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine 

The significance of this song in my life is uncanny. It starts off the same, always the same setting, it’s kissing in cars, raining and always starts with my decision of maybe trying to work it out for once. Always starts very nonchalant till it went too far and always left with an “I like you just for this moment.” It always continues with the decision of “meet me at midnight” but never a “come see me in daylight.” Always meeting in the middle, in parking lots and lowkey moments. 

Just two lost souls, trying to find temporary comfort. 

Until the universe decides that time is up and that it is never going to go anywhere outside this car. Always a goodnight and go. 

The comfort and chaos of having your lips on mine and that brief moment of having my forehead on yours as you pull me in closer, is all I never needed because I know this is all I can give and all I ever wanted. Intimacy with no questions asked, the comforting feeling of a false sense of selfless love. 

and no matter how many times this has happened to me, I never want to leave. 

To the end of clandestine meetings

[taschamonnii]

Imagine This  - Ceilings

Me X Fan-Fiction

Big Sad Mood

Summary: How it feels to only know fictional love

TW: Big Sad, Depression, lonelyness

Here is the title song: Ceilings Lizzy McAlpine

AN: I just discovered this song via TikTok and well it has altered my brain chemistry and taken over my mind so I had to write out the feelings. This hurted my feelings! What a way to start a Monday with a sad song and big sad lonely feelings the week of fucking valentines. Like fuck man!

I break my own heart all the time

Word Count: 1,003

Imagine This:

I stayed up late again just for you.

It kills me but I do it every single night. 

You’re worth it but only in the moment. You’re toxic as you flow through my veins and consume my mind. I don’t want to face the truth. I’m so hooked on you I can’t breathe and there is nothing that compares. You’re a drug of the most dangerous kind free and easy to access. You alter my reality and take me away from here. 

Ceilings, plaster

Can't you just make it move faster?

Lovely to be sitting here with you

You're kinda cute but it's raining harder

My shoes are now full of water

Lovely to be rained on with you

It's kinda cute but it's so short

Then you're drivin' me home

And I don't wanna leave

But I have to go

You kiss me in your car

And it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before

Before

You are so cute and it’s so easy to get lost in you. I can’t stop it from happening over and over. I let you tackle me each time I see your notifications on my phone.Each word pulls me in and I get lost in time and space. I don’t want it to end but it’s so short and I have to go. My alarm pulls me away from you and the day drags on until I can see you again. You consume my thoughts, there's no room for anyone else. 

I return to you and it's

Bedsheets, no clothes

Touch me like nobody else does

Lovely to just lay here with you

You're kinda cute and I would say all of this

But I don't wanna ruin the moment

Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos

But it's over

Then you're drivin' me home

And it kinda comes out as I get up to go

You kiss me in your car

And it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before

But it's not real

And you don't exist

And I can't recall the last time I was kissed

It hits me in the car

And it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before

Before

It’s not real… You don’t EXIST. You DON’T EXIST. YOU DON’T EXIST.

I collapse in a puddle of tears on the floor. You have my heart and there's nothing I can do. I have never been in love in reality but with you I have fallen thousands of times. I’m lonely and you’re always there at my fingertips. I fall in again and again knowing how it ends. Me alone in my room, feelings of despair and dread because I will never experience the things you offer. I read page after page story after story. I let them consume and change me. Now I know that no one will ever compare and why bother trying when I have you? You heal me but you cut me deeper. 

Another year and here I am again single by choice haven given up on the whole thing. Pink and Red have taken over every store. I feel the void in my heart harder and it makes me miss something I’ve never had. The void is filled for a little bit by their story of their love. 

And It’s so cute when they kiss and I lose myself in the words. They are so soft and I don’t know what it feels like to be touched so tenderly. They are happy in a way I have never known. Sweeter than any candy they rot my teeth. They are everything but it’s too short it's over. I don’t want to leave but I have to go. The ending hits me. I’ve seen this movie a million times before. I am left alone in my room. Another cut gets added to my shredded heart. Tears run down my face left with a lonely ache deep in my soul. Time ticks on and I have to face the truth. Reality bites and I hate that I exist here. I feel lost as I move through the motions of each day surviving one day after another with no point and no purpose. I ache for a home that doesn’t exist for a person who isn’t real. 

It’s not real and you don’t exist and I can’t recall the last time I was kissed and it hits me in the car. The tears fall and I know I’m losing it but I don’t care because you are all I want. The rain hits the windshield harder and I can feel my tears soaking my shirt. 

The last time I tried I knew it was going to be the last. She didn’t feel like you, she didn’t compare and I felt nothing and I feel even worse knowing she had feelings for me that I couldn’t reciprocate. She kissed me as I walked her to her car but I thought of your lips. She held me but it wasn’t soft and I let things escalate. I felt numb even as my body reacted to her touch. I had to fake it so it would end. I wanted to cry and she wanted more. I hate myself because my heart is not mine and I have given her hope. We talk and I become distant and shut down because nothing feels right, nothing feels like you. AND it’s all your fault that I can’t connect. I feel nothing for real people and you are to blame. 

I try to stop but a notification pulls me back to you and I get lost again without a second thought. I fall into the familiar scene where the character I know and love comes to life and I disappear completely. For a moment I don’t exist but you do and I try everything I can to stay there but it’s so short and it’s over it’s not real and you don’t exist but I do. 

AN: Sometimes I am good at being alone. I take myself on dates and take care of myself and it is more than enough and then sometimes I am so lonely and sad and desperate for what my favorite fictional characters have. I have never been in love. Valentine's day has always sucked even with a partner because my heart belongs to so many fictional characters that there is no room for real people. I hope that if this time of year is hard for you too that you find comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone. I am chronically single and determined to stay that way and even though I am okay with that and have come to terms with it I still struggle knowing I won’t ever have any of the love that I read and write for fictional people who don’t exist.