#chances are theyre both always incorrect

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Hell yeah, some drawings from tonight!!!

1. @phosphoricbomb has been working on a Gem AU for Spop. She asked me to make a Catrapta fusion!!! I think Catrapta would be a bit of a mess, especially early on - fusions emphasise the overlapping components of their parts, so Catrapta is a wild child who likes to toy with her opponents and blow things up with a Detachable Spiderbot Morningstar, but she also deals badly with rejection, even by... yknow... the people she is toying with. She's misguidedly trying to impress them. I think that Catra and Entrapta's intentions have only limited control over the decisions of this fusion, like Sugilite (or Gotenks), even if they have a clear plan it doesn't go past the fusion stage.

2. This shining star is the Bowdora fusion!! Kim has a LOT of thoughts on Gem Bow specifically, ill hold back from saying much on him, but I think if Bow and Adora fused, their overlapping traits would also be emphasised... and Bowdora would be a super hero!!! I may even add a moustache in, this character is literally like 80's Bow and She-ra, a standard cat-saving superhero who takes advantage of their enormous powerset to take down enemies. I think Bowdora is a mostly stable fusion, but can start panicking when they're failing to protect their friends, especially if Glimmer or anyone close gets hurt!!!

I had this incredible concept for a terrifyingly string Glimscorp fusion but I need to work on her design before I can share.

3. Sleepy pal trio! Well, sleepy Entrapta and Catra. I cant tell if Scorpia is happy or if she feels stung and left out, like Marcy Wu. I think Scorpia would feel like shes doing something wrong if her friends came back from space and were more comfortable around each other than with her.

4. On a similar note, it would be hilarious and tragically fitting if Emily was the one character who couldn't forgive Catra. Like, i think of everyone, Emily may have seen the worst consequences of Catra's behaviour. She lost one friend, and watched another suffer, and was threatened with destruction just for being who she is. Also i may have been reading too much sweary shera.

[boywonderasnf]

OKOK HEREA WE GO

before i begin Insane TED-Talk of The Day, im gonna preface that i love this take so much, but my brain does things more than one way. but both is v good!!!

anyways mb bout the rant and dont come for me if anything is incorrect or wtv. erm also i mostly focus on the main 4 batboys so pls dont be upset i didn't mention the other kids💀

ANYWAYS as the post said:

"Bruce Wayne is a dad in many different ways and for many different reasons, but chief among them is his ability to know that one of his kids is sick just by looking at them or hearing them breathe.

He can diagnose a fever with just the back of his (gloved!) hand on their forehead. He knows when they’re about to be dizzy before it even happens. He is A Dad."

OKAY NOW BUT WAIT WHAT IF HE ISNT THO LIKE MAYBE WHEN THEYRE YOUNGER BUT AROUND THEIR TEEN YEARS? ESPECIALLY DICK, WHO TURNED THIS INTO LITERALLY HIDING ILLNESS JUST SO HE COULD STILL WORK FOR BRUCE AND "NOT DISAPPOINT HIM" ??

DICK, WHO WORKS HIS ASS OFF 24/7 AND IS ALWAYS ON EVERYONE ELSES ASS SO THEY TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES ??

CONSISTENTLY DICK HAS TRIED TO GET AWAY FROM BRUCE'S TEACHINGS AND (even though Bruce probably didnt mean for it to be unknown,) ALWAYS MAKE IT KNOWN THAT ITS OKAY TO TAKE BREAKS AND CARE FOR YOURSELF

RAUGHHH AND ON TOP OF THAT, HIS EFFORTS ARE JUST SLIGHTLY LESS THAN USELESS (slowly getting better, but still) BECAUSE HIS SIBLINGS WERE ALL STILL WITH BRUCE AND SO IT GOT INSTILLED INTO THEM TO HIDE ILLNESS AS WELL IM GOING INSANE

JASON NEVER GOES TO BRUCE FOR ANYTHING AND ALMOST NEVER GOES TO ANYBODY ELSE OR ASKS FOR HELP (for many reasons, but still)

SAME WITH FUCKIN TIMBO! KID DOESNT HAVE A SHRED OF KNOWLEDGE FOR SELF CARE IN HIS BODY

Damian was already just like that, but hes also Dick's chance to help Dami unlearn all of those behaviors the others (including himself still bc hes a giant hypocrite) couldnt unlearn. Damian is still young enough to unlearn them quicker than the others can

and listen, this may all be stemming from me wanting the ultimate hurt/comfort with this shit, Bruce not noticing one of the (18+) kids is sick and all the other siblings jump to help care for and defend that one ill person.

cause its nice. you get the hurt from Bruce being oblivious and get to use the line "worlds greatest detective my ass".

and then you get the comfort of family caring for each other/significant other caring for sad and sick batkid whos upset that Bruce didn't notice.

yeah shut up ive read a fic like this before, and yeah it was fucking fantastic actually, but still this is true regardless!!!

anywasy, again please do not come for me if this all sounds dumb as fuck and is completely incorrect for some reason, im superstoned and autistic and this is what my brain decided to fuck around with tonight.

[thepoodlepack]

What's wrong with goldenpoodles? I'm genuinely curious because almost all of my dogs are mixed breeds and behave fine. So I'm curious if there's something else I'm missing

jeez this feels like bait but u kno what, you got me

alright, so it goes like this. the doodle really began with a guy in australia being like i need the temperament of a lab for a guide dog but these ppl are allergic to dogs, so i need a poodle bc they have hair, not fur. so he bred em together. years later he’s like damn that was a mistake.

now, why, exactly? alright so first of all he only needed that mix bc labs on average tend to adapt better to situations that are largely exclusive to service dog work than poodles do. i can go into what this means at a later date, but that’s basically how it is. but either way, people jumped on this creation and it kinda spiraled out of control. soon, poodles were being bred by everyone and every breed. suddenly, they were a marketing scam more then they were a dog breed.

oh theyre hypoallergenic! all of them, all the time cause zero allergies! look theyre so much better than poodles! theyre friendly and easy to train, not like poodles of course, just like labs! they’re better than labs bc none of them shed, ever! they’re super healthy bc breeding labs and poodles together wipes out all their health problems, of course!

lies, lies lies. the aussie guy, whose name i’m not going to look up bc i’m lazy but who you can find if you google creator of doodles, straight up says that even the first litter(s) of labradoodles he bred had puppies that the people he bred them for were allergic to. he very carefully tested the litter and the reaction the person had before placing a puppy that was not going to hurt them.

think of the punnet squares we all learned about in 5th grade science class. you draw the squares and one parent has two fur genes and the other parent has two hair genes and what do you get? well if you have four puppies, one might have hairhair and the next one might have hairfur and the next one might have furhair and the next one might have furfur. and so guess what? only hairhair pup is going to be the best choice for allergic people. additionally, you can see why the non-shedding thing can be bullshit, and that in particular is also a guessing game. you may be able to test allergy sufferers against the pups, but that does not necessarily mean they won’t shed. hairfur, for example, may be a good choice for some allergic people, but perhaps they’ve got just enough fur to shed anyway. also, lets look at salukis (and frankly, most long-haired sighthounds). salukis are still considered dogs with fur, not hair. they also still shed, even though it’s just a little. and yet they’re still considered good for allergy sufferers.

(ps poodles do actually shed. but they shed like humans shed. your hair comes out, doesn’t it? like, esp folks with long hair, aren’t people always complaining how you clog the shower drain? yeah, like that. ALSO obviously the situation is more complicated then super simple punnet squares and as an ex-groomer i have something to say about doodle coats but i’m going to save that for later, put a pin in it.)

oh and wait a hot minute there. i said best choice, didn’t i, not hypoallergenic. well, that’s because no dog is hypoallergenic. poodles, and a few other dog breeds, they have hair, like we do. but the thing is both humans and breeds with hair still produce the dander, though they’re different kinds. breeds with hair happen to produce the least amount possible that dogs can produce, which is why they’re a better choice for allergy sufferers, but that’s still not a guarantee. my roommate Dakota is allergic to dogs. if i don’t wash my dogs for an extended period of time (which has never happened, ever, in my life, idk what ur talking about), thus giving the chance for the dander my dogs still produce, he will have a very, very mild reaction when touching them. it can be countered by him washing his hands after touching them and also me just giving them a fucking bath, i need to stop forgetting, but still, there you go. ALSO people might not be allergic to dogs bc of their dander. they might be allergic to the saliva of dogs, which poodles or any other breed with hair still produces about the same as other dogs. so, yeah, not hypoallergenic, not at all.

the people who taut their hypoallergenic dogs for sale largely don’t do the testing required to check if they’re actually providing a dog to someone who won’t react to it. not acceptable at all.

so, labs are friendly and easy to train right? not at all like poodles, right? no. absolutely incorrect. some labs are friendly and easy to train. some labs, a lot of them when they’re puppies, are nightmare fuel. personally, i have a theory that everyone’s vision of labs in their heads are either a) service dogs or b) those old labs who are slightly pudgy (or morbidly obsess, which is a different topic) and who are graying in the face and just want to lounge around because they’re seniors now. alright, so here’s why thats bad. labs are a working breed. a retrieving breed. they’re supposed to be bulky and strong and driven. service dogs are highly trained, to a point that most pet dogs will never see, and if you see them with their actual disabled handler, they’ll probably be around 2.5 yrs of age and out of their most wild days. old labs are well. old. sleepy. maybe a bit achey. and well out of their most wild days. oh, and it’s the same type of thing with goldens by the way, the other most popular doodle type. poodles are also easy to train, especially if their parents have a decent temperament. they’re all about equal if you actually start training them when they’re puppies and just pay for some training classes, like everyone should. in the puppy classes i’m in right now, Euphoria is leaps and bounds ahead of doodles, goldens, and labs that are her age or older. I train her properly and she’s got amazing parents. that’s it, that’s the trick. not breed, not necessarily, and def not in this case.

I am once again going to say that labs and goldens are more often used as service dogs than poodles because of their adaptability, but it’s the ability to adapt to situations that most pet dogs will never have to worry about.

jeez this is a long post. i’ve still got more to cover too. alright, on to super healthy, or “hybrid vigor” as the nerds call it. uhh, it’s bullshit. thank u for ur time.

okay, but actually why on gods green earth would breeding two completely different breeds with little to no research make them super healthy? now i want to preface this with i’m (generally) pro-outcross projects. Euphoria’s dad is half mini poodle and half standard poodle, which isn’t technically an outcross bc all the variations are of the same breed, but if we’re going by genetic diversity alone minis and standards are different enough to actually be different breeds.

so, to be clear, outcrosses, given the proper thought and planning: good, results in healthier dogs (see: lua dals). randomly breeding two very different breeds together with no planning other than to sell the puppies to randos who won’t continue the outcross: bad. especially when you’re doing it to cash in and don’t health test at all, or don’t health test the major health problems with both breeds (if you’re doing an f2 breeding or anything like that). no the poodle’s health problems don’t get canceled out by the goldens or labs or whatever the other party’s health problems are, and vice versa. and yeah, i’ve looked at a lot of doodle breeder’s websites and yeah, most of them don’t health test at all, or at least don’t health test properly. do you know i own one doodle and currently live with another? yeah, i got them both from breeders and do you know how much health testing their parents got? if your answer is none, good job, you’ve been paying attention. in my defense, i was like 13, i didn’t know what i was doing.

alright, so those are the big points. this is kinda gonna be just... a mix of my other complaints. here we go, hope you’re ready for more. argument the first: i feel like it’s pretty disrespectful to reputable breeders. now, i actually have two reasons why that is. reason one: most reputable poodle breeders don’t want their breeding stock bred with other breeds, for various reasons. i’ve even met a few who used to be okay with it and then as the doodle scam got bigger and more out of control, they stopped being okay with it, even to the breeders who they had been fine with it in the past. that means a lot of doodle breeders out there have their breeding stock because they scammed poodle breeders into giving them pet quality, not breeding quality, dogs or because they’re getting their stock from non-reputable breeders. i also feel it’s disrespectful to breeders who are actually trying to create new breeds. quite frankly, a breed with the size, strength, and adaptability of a lab or golden that doesn’t shed and that has the train-ability of a poodle, lab, or golden sounds pretty interesting to me. did you know you can actually make that breed? and it wouldn’t be a cross with unpredictable... well, everything. it would actually be a true dog breed.

Look at Silken Windhounds and Biewer Terriers who began both development in the 1980s. Biewer Terriers were recognized by the AKC this year, and Silken Windhounds still haven’t been. And yeah, that’s the problem isn’t it? Making a real new breed takes a lot of time, planning, and care. People would rather just cash in. I think it’s sad and I think it’s disrespectful to the breeders who do work so hard to make actual new breeds.

and finally, unpin being an ex-groomer goddamnit. guess what? doodles are awful to groom! they’re terrible on the grooming tables because people want to have in both ways: they want a dog that doesnt shed at all and they want a dog who doesn’t need to be groomed. well guess what, that dog doesn’t exist and you can have it only one way. and also, bring back the goddamn punnet squares because a lot of doodles have awful coats. if you have hairfur and furhair over there, guess what, their coat fucking sucks bc it’s not meant to be like that. it wants to mat bc hair but also it wants the mats to slide out bc short-ish fur but its too thick for the mats to slide out bc thick hair. and yes its more complicated then this and that means its often more awful then this. its awful, it makes me want to cry. and maybe it’s slightly easier to get away with it with a shorthaired dog like a lab, or, you know what, even a golden, okay, even a slightly long haired dog like a golden but people are doodling akitas? border collies? bernese fucking mountain dogs? i am crying. i am crying right now as i type this.

lets do a sum up to this disaster of a post. look, i don’t go out there attacking or yelling at every doodle or every doodle owner i see, alright? or any of them really. i might engage in conversation to one that’s interested, but that’s it. i love my doodly Isis, okay? shes tiny and she’s adorable and I love her more than life and i will never, ever get another doodle. i don’t like the way they’ve gotten so prolific, i don’t like the reasons they’re now widespread, and i don’t like almost all of the people that create them, including the ones i’ve literally given my (parents) money to in the past. i wish they were better but i just cannot approve of them, especially not in the environment they exist in now. that said, i do support them in their original use case as assistance dogs, and i do not care about them if they’re shelter dogs.

[tricewithaz]

Can I please get some Zoyalai kids headcannons

Not sure if you mean Zoyalai's own kids or zoyalai with kids but in any case i have opinions lmao

When it comes to the former refer to this, i participated in a lot of it lmao, but i will probably also add onto it

so here we go i guess

both of them are very good with kids in different ways

essentially nikolai is the Cool Older Guy™ who all the kids want to be friends with and look up to, older children (like, tweens) have crushes on him and the smaller ones love to play with him

zoya on the other side is the reliable authority. She is severe and the kids are lowkey scared of her but they also know she will protect them and be patient with them

Oh yeah zoya aside from her royal palace duties teaches the young etherealki. she could... not do it.... but she chooses to

and nikolai sometimes gets around their classes, and even their rooms (ill ellaborate dont worry)

contrary to what she may say, zoya *likes* kids, and knows how to handle them.

Shes normally the one to make them feel better if theres something wrong. Maybe make them a tea, cuddle them when they cry. With a bit of tough love if what happened was their fault of course.

Nikolai teaches the kids to swordfight if the chance arises. Hes surprisingly good at it.

And he reads to them!!! sometimes in the library, somwtimes in their common rooms with all the kids coddled up around one bed.

Hes an avid storyteller by himself too, and he is known to be a war hero and to have lived many adventures, so the kids always ask him about them and he tells all his tales passionately and interactively. Sometimes props are included.

Zoya always intervenes "that didnt happen like that" "excuse you what about the commander that literally saved his majestys life" "oh you mean when alina starkov rejected you.... thrice"

He also tells his tales as Capitain Sturmhond, theyre always mesmerized and somw of them find aspirstions to be pirates privateers

Theres a lot of bantering, a lot of kids pick up on their tension. they gossip about it. Others are a bit less discreet and directly ask them about it.

And they ask a lot about Sankta Alina. Nikolai is very epic about it, Zoya tells them shit like how it was. "she was small and stupid enough to reject a kings marriage proposal", thats normally the end of it.

No one knows how she does it but zoya is able to shut a kid up immedistely, children, toddlers and even babies.

Shese never one to play with kids. they try but they end uo just sitting around her in silence, maybe drawing or just observing her.

NIKOLAI THO, listen he gives them toys, and jumps them around. If he doesnt have a kid on his arm or his shoulders then hes probably hifing from them, getting chased or fake dying (dramatically). At the orphanage Mal and him make the perfect play buddies, a lot of the times theyre capitains of different teams and really play out their rivalry (and they hit where it hurts. "thats for kissing my wife" mal says stepping on nikolais chest with a wooden sword up to his neck) . Zoya and Alina wonder where they get that energy from.

Theres a particular little girl that always calls nikolai "mister majesty", zoya insists in how its incorrect and inappropriate but nikolai just lets her call him whatever she wants.

Listen both zoya and nikolai get serious marriage propositions from like 7 year olds. with flowers and sometimes even diy rings and all. its cute 😔

I think Nikolai always wanted to be a dad but never feels ready for it really.

Hes all "love kids but i can barely take care of myself how am i supposed to care for a whole another human being"

Zoya says she likes kids only 10 metres away from her.

But whenever they see a cute kid something blooms in their chests cause theyre so tiNY

goes without saying but the YEARNIBG when they see each other with kids..... its intense

But when they DO have their own kids 🥺🥺🥺

as i said, the kind of people that "look how the fuck am i gonna take care of children i can barely support myself and a country absolutely fucking not"

they end up with three. THREE.

I imagine the first one with her hair and his nose, same eye color as his, but she also has The Glare™

Shes sweet but ever since shes born she has an attitude like she takes no shit. What do you mean peas arent illegal. father, peas need to be made illegal. immediately. shes so serioys about the things she cares for. She grows into a very competent leader. Nikolai of course plays along. He makes everyone play along. He will kick someone out of the wsr room if the little girl finds then somewhat scary.

(Theres lots about the kids actual like personalities and shit on the post i linked so go read that if youre interested)

Nikolai is a sweet dad, spoils the kids just a bit and hell be the understanding one if conflict ensues. Hes the one to calm them down and convince them to say sorry if necessary.

They always come to him first if theyre sad, but go to zoya if theyre hurt. Depending on the topic both are the advice parent.

Zoya is the severe parent, shes always the one to tell the kids off. But shes also the one to stand up for them against anything, including Nikolai if necessary. She treats them with fairness.

Of course if the children ask for bedtime stories hell give in, he loves to see them fascinated by their dads adventures. Zoya adores it too.

Hes also the paranoid parent. Your knee is bleeding? oh saints, hell bleed to death, must be so painful. A bit of a headsche? thats it, ill bury my daughter. Its ironic considering he spent his childhood scraping his knees and elboys, climbing trees and fighting other boys.

BUT, hes also the trusting one. When the kids grow up a bit and get in bigger conflicts and even scape off into the city, Zoya gets so nervous and angry about it but precisely cause Nikolais childhood was so hectic hes the one to trust their judgement and let them fail, he will also give them useful advice.

Essentially, zoya is the abstinence parent, nikolai is the condom parent. Shell be the first to warn them of all the horrible outcomes of them doing anything slightly wrong.

Just.... imagine nikolai sleeping with a little baby on his chest.... just do it.....

The kids have his dimples!!!! (no this is not in the book yes this is canon) Especially after theyre just born (cause,,, hormones ya know) zoya prsctically cries about it.

But also theyve all got her eyebrows and with her eyebrows come the deadly glare. Especially their eldest daughter but the other two can manage it too. Its scary when they all look at nikolai the same way at the same time.

But they also have his smile 🥺🥺

okay i think thats all im hungry and my brain wont work anymore xoxo

[figuringouthowtobehere]

please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood. 

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now. 

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it. 

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would. 

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

[meowscarada]

ok so im making my way through part 3, and im still getting used to old joseph because joseph in part 2 has become one of my favorite characters ever. its been odd looking at joseph in part 3 and registering that it is indeed the same character. it isnt until now that i think ive come to understand why the two josephs are so uncannily similar, but not similar enough to convince me

old joseph is cool and i like him, but i wanna compare him to his younger self. for starters, the two josephs are both fantastic strategists and have a lot of charm to them. theyre both headstrong and loudmouthed and are smarter than they lead on. the defining characteristic, however, that i'd place on both of them is their cleverness. so if theyre both so similar then why do they feel different to me? i think its bc the roots of their cleverness are so different from each other. p2 joseph is a lot more of a "trickster" character type (charismatic tricksters are like, one of my all time favorite character types lol). old joseph is def pretty charismatic, but he's lacking that mischievous element imo. i think its replaced with something more akin to resourcefulness rather than trickery.

young joseph's cleverness seems to be rooted in his immature sponteneity forcing him to constantly improvise and think on the spot. he gets out of tough situations by thinking five steps ahead in sneaky and sometimes underhanded ways, often cheating and lying himself through things. he tricks and deceives. joseph doesnt always play fair, but at the same time he has honor and respect for his opponent when they manage to push him to the point where he feels he has no choice other than to play unfairly in order to win. (this juxtaposition of total disregard and disrespect toward the game, yet complete appreciation and respect toward his opposing player is one of the more fascinating parts of his character)

old joseph's cleverness (from what ive seen so far since im not done w part 3 yet) seems to be rooted less in immature sponteneity, and moreso on just quickwittedness. he's on his toes, and he's generally creative about his plans and thinks five steps ahead just like his younger self, but his style doesnt seem to be as sneaky as it was before. not that old joseph necessarily strictly "plays fair". but just that, perhaps from maturing and giving up hamon, he may not be forcing himself into those situations as often. those being improvisational situations wherein his only chance at survival is to be tricky. from what i gather? he's less about straight up bending/breaking rules, and more about generally outsmarting and outthinking his opponent within the boundaries of the fight. which young joseph did both as well, but i think young joseph's emphasis was more about bending/breaking rules as far as he could.

by "rules" i mean the conventions and boundaries of any given fight. young joseph often tricked his opponents specifically because they operated on the incorrect assumption that he was fighting within traditional and conventional means. young joseph purposely broke away from those conventions and outsmarted--more specifically, tricked--enemies that way. young joseph used their expectations against them--so much so that he could instantly predict and rebut his enemies' own words. whereas old joseph, as far as ive seen, tends to outsmart enemies within the general conventions of a fight. he doesnt play dirty or go against his enemies' conventional mindset as much as he just thinks of solutions faster than his enemies can think of problems.

in summary: old joseph uses his own fast thinking against his opponents. young joseph weaponizes his opponents' own expectations against themselves.

young joseph, to me, seems to have a slightly more nuanced version of what it means to be clever, especially in regards to how he treats the rules of the fight vs how he treats the fighters themselves. old joseph, while still a fun guy to watch get himself out of trouble, is a bit more standard. i can see why a lot of people like old joseph more (he's in more episodes than young joseph, he's arguably funnier since he's more of a silly-yet-wise-mentor figure as opposed to the sometimes more generic loud-mouth-protagonist figure he was in p2, etc). but as a character, at least as of where i stand in part 3, i think young joseph is actually a bit stronger than old joseph

[barrylightningaddictallen]

So tonight’s mood is feeling super aggressively bitter mainly at sb shippers but also uh at anyone who doesnt think westallen is good/they aren’t perfect for each other and this is one of few things i can actually identify the source of why i like it so yeah this isa happen

Also fair warning: while this post is primarily about my love for westallen it also goes into things people dislike about them. Mainly why those people are wrong for disliking westallen for those reasons

Also theres hardly a chance im gonna cover everything i, personally, need to cover, and there are probably points that im not even aware of, so feel free to add on

They just have so much faith in each other. They trust in each other and they LISTEN to each other. While they do work to protect one another, they’re also willing to trust that the other can handle a situation even when they cant share it fully

This is something that makes their relationships so special, and probably why its one of my favorites. They trust each other.

And ive seen people hate on them for that trust, which is shocking because that level of trust and faith is what proper and real relationships are built on

People will hate on barry for listening to the love of his life, for trusting her, in the episode with killgore when iris suggested that he throw a lightning bolt at himself. And yes, the actual scientists all said that was a bad idea, and yet barry trusted iris, he listened to her. But beebo forbid a man ever listens to a woman.

The trust barry had in iris in that scene alone shows one of my favorite qualities in ships, especially hetships, and while i might already sound like a broken record, but that is trust! And communication! But noo see they have an actual relationship and somehow they “aren’t right for each other”

Earlier i heard people hate on iris for “forcing barry to go to therapy.” She never “forced” barry to do anything. Id like to bring you back to “he listened to the woman he loves and yet somehow the fandom has chosen them having a proper and right relationship as a subject of hate”

But heres the thing

Barry chose to go to therapy of his own free will. He realized she was right, that at that moment they weren’t what they once were. Thats not to say they didnt still love each other, but more that he realized that he wasn’t listening. And, now get this, BARRY. WANTED. to FIX THAT!

They both WANTED to have a working relationship. You know. With listening. And talking. But mostly listening. ESPECIALLY when they were speaking.

Now ive also seen a lot of hate about the “we are the flash,” which uh really bothers me

Especially because it’s primarily directed at iris

Despite the fact that she got it from barry

Yes technically she said the words first, but if you think that didnt come from hearing just about every time she questioned herself and role on the team “i wouldnt be the flash without you,” well that is one of very few times your “opinion” isnt a: contradicting actual canon b: an actual incorrect fact and c: and actual opinion

And barry actually agreed with her. Thats missed on alot of people.

Regardless, ive always loved that scene, because it really did show the connection between the two. That theyre not complete without the other.

Theyve been around eachother for their entire lives, theyre each others rocks.

Those are my current thoughts, i have others but i cant think of them at the moment feel free to add on

[a-nonbinary-mess]

I want you to do all the botanical asks because im a plant gay and i love you and i love plants

im crying op please tell me who you are please i love you too idk who you are but im love u too (also this is 31 questions anon omggg)

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

1. art (anything aesthetically pleasing)

2. food–mainly desserts

3. stress (that i put on myself)

4. lavender bc i really love lavenders

5. uhh dogs? i really love dogs

bleeding heart: what makes your heart go mushy?

-thoughts of how much I adore my friends tbh

-any cliche romcom trope in a fanfic or seeing ppl suddenly realize how much they love another person, whether platonically or romantically

-seeing kind people in the world and amazing animals, mainly dogs and cats

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

-uhh idk i like disney channel original songs a lot tho and ive been listening to a lot of potential song by aly and aj lol

-love on the brain by rihanna, uhh anything that sounds cheesy and cute and romantic like la vie en rose by edith piaf (the cover by laura and anton is super good)

evening primrose: what is your sleeping playlist (five songs): 

-anything by lofi hip hop beats w/ anime girls studying hard

-any studio ghibli song tbh

-any classical music song idk i dont listen to a lot of music before i sleep

-tango music ??? 

-a whole musical (hamilton, chicago, etc)

-songs that dont require me to sing bc i will sing to legit any song at 3 am instead of sleeping

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog that’s not following you? 

-hmm idk? i mainly follow a lot of art blogs, so i would say any of them? maybe hinamie? or insomniac-arrest is a super cool person, thatsthat24 bc thomas sanders is an amazing human being and i would love to be friends with him

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

-lavenders or sunflowers? where i live is kind of really difficult to plant anything tbh (unpredictable weather, things die in the winter, etc) and also idk how to take care of plants r i p 

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

-rainy evening for sure. i love to leave the window opening, listen to soothing music, drink tea surrounded by candles, and read something ive been putting off while my dog is curled up next to me

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

-i like the whole rainbow of colors but i prefer the darkest black and darker red for clothing and a light purple in general

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

-happiness. jk but i really do wish that i wasn’t mentally ill though :// also a cat. bc im allergic : (

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

-idk i dont sleep well or deep enough anymore to even dream but i remember having a dream 2 years ago that i was dating oikawa from haikyuu and he was so disconcerting in my dream that i remember it to this day bc essentially he wasnt a real person like i could recognize him bc he was a damn hologram like miku and we had sex the end it was wild

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

-favorite cotton candy flavor (???): there are multiple flavors???? i just like the original pink i guess idk anything about cotton candy 

-ice cream: cookies n cream, cookie dough, vanilla, mint depending on where im getting it, and strawberry : )

-juice: does fruit punch count 

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

-i love singing and i can legit never stop

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

-i love love love red eyeshadow. the brighter the red, the better. i also love red eyeliner and just anything red in general, but i usually mainly use red eyeshadow bc i love the look; anything red = good

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

-i love bees !!! butterflies are cool too but bees are cute fluffy babies that essentially control whether we live or die

-uhh probably dog person but only bc i have one :0 i love cats too but im less sneezy and generally stressed when im with dogs lol

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

-i really do like sweets but i used to eat so much as a kid that im kind of sick of them now but i still like to eat the occasional cookie or cake or something

-i really like donuts !!! also any asian dessert (eastern, southern, western, EVERYWHERE) is amazing to me and i love eating them

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

-merperson !!! i love the ocean and maybe we can finally figure out whats at the bottom of it ; ) sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

-babe mainly, hon

-hey, you fucker

-u dumb egg

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

-i can barely swim now uggghhh but i swam for five years and i knew all the strokes and was super good at freestyle (haru who) !! now i can barely do the freestyle and that’s it lolwindflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them

-thebootydiaries: she’s funny !! anyone who i find funny i automatically like

-thatsthat24: thomas sanders is amazing. i love him and his friends so much and i think about being his friend a lot to the point where ill have dreams about suddenly being good friends with his whole posse aldjfal;fjl

-tatir0ckz: we used to talk a lot like back when we were both into hetalia but we never talk anymore ? which is fine ! but i remember a lot of our old convos and we skyped like once and idk 2012 was a simpler time

-adorable-as-fuck: i know her irl !! we went to the arcade like once and it was a ton of fun so we exchanged tumblrs and thats it and on the rare occasion that we’re both free, we might go to the arcade again !! idk its cool she’s super cool

-mhaikkun: her art style is so good and she doesnt upload as much on tumblr anymore but shes so cute and her clothing style and aesthetics is sooo good !! she’s a p cool person and her stories on twitter are always super wholesome aah

-this is more than five but ngl aphtextsfromnordics, incorrectknb and any other incorrect quotes blogs or text message blogs changed me as a person aldfj

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

-baker for sure ! baking just calms me down i think

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

-if i do have children, i want to tell them that i will never judge them for who they want to be. i hope they will be as open as possible and that i would never want to make them uncomfortable. i would encourage talking about problems and just communicating needs in general. idk, basically everything my biological parents didnt do

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

-tbh my parents are awful, awful parents (and one of them is just a purely disgustingly, horrid person) and i would never wish for them to tell me anything bc on the off chance that they did try to parent, it was to tell me how much of a burden i was, or something racist/homophobic, etc. 

-if they were better people, i wish they would have told me it was okay to be struggling and its okay to be lost rn. i wish they would have encouraged open communication and kindness but well, i learned that all myself : )

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

-nope! i sometimes really wish i did, but relationships honestly stress me out and idk how to talk to irl people : ( i love platonic relationships a little more honestly, makes me feel more comfortable

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

-sunset for sure lol i think sunsets are so pretty bc of all the colors that are involved and during that time period is when im doing something i like and im typically at home : ))

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

-i wake up early now bc of school but i usually sleep late and wake up late haha

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

-roasted green tea and lavender! anything flowery is nice too : )

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

-i only have one dog (a pomeranian) and her name is marzia! which is short for marzipan bc my dad didnt want to remember such a long name lol

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

-ye! most of the time theyre just silly names like spiky (for when we had a cactus a long time ago) or red/pink (the colors of the roses), etc. idk about now bc i dont have any plants currently

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

-hmm depends on the friend tbh

-but most of the time id rather sleep and be cozy !!!

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

-dipping !! i like ketchup or ketchup and mayo !! cheese fries are sooo good too

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

-i can bullshit a writing piece really bad and still get a good grade on it (seeing as most of the time i procrastinate until the night before and write the whole damn thing)

thanks for all of these questions anon !! if u can and ur comfortable, pls get off of anon sometime so we can talk !! im on tumblr a lot more now bc im procrastinating lol (and if my responses are late its bc im on mobile with no notifs on lol)

[whatsjungkooking]

1-92💪🏻

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

- nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

- incorrect

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

- nope

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

- not a big issue but people tend to mess about nowadays

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

- yes my bf

6. What are you excited for?

- hopefully passing my driving test

7. What happened tonight?

- my mum and i went to mcdonalds through the drive thru and i got a chicken legend we nEVER go to mcdonalds but my mum didnt want to cook for tea so we went there

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

- no its their decision i just wouldnt do it myself

9. Is confidence cute?

- in some situations yes

10. What is the last beverage you had?

- water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

- like 4

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

- all of my jeans are skinny, its to that point now where i feel really weird if my jeans/trousers arent skinny

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

- going bowling and for a meal for a friends birthday

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

- bowling and the meal HAHA

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

- yes

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

- probably not to be honest

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

- jess and lauren

18. The last time you felt broken?

- in February 

19. Have you had sex today?

- no

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

- ive realised im biting the inside of my cheeks 

21. Are you in a good mood?

- at the moment yes

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

- no thank yooouuu

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

- yes but a bit darker

24. What do you want right this second?

- water and lipbalm

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

- b y e

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

- the majority yes 

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

- no way that is like number 1

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

- a video on fb i laughed so much my hip popped

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

- yasss

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

- it depends what theyve done

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

- definitely not

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

- yes

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

- nah i loooooove it

34. Listening to?

- body talk by red velvet

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

- tbh not in a while, theres always pens lying about never really pencils

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

- at his house 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- i do not, no 

38. Who did you last call?

- sainsburys, that was last week, i dont call very often

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

- my dad 

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

- bc i was saying goodbye

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

- a few weeks ago??

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

- i think i hugged both 

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

- quite a few times

44. Do you tan in the nude?

- even if i did the sun would still only catch my hands and id only tan my hands

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

- no waaaaaay

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

- i dont think so

47. Who was the last person to call you?

- my mum

48. Do you sing in the shower?

- when im the only one in the house i do yes

49. Do you dance in the car?

- i move my shoulders about HAHA

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

- at school at some point 

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

- school photo

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

- it depends which one bc for example wicked, thats a musical and thats not cheesy but some musicals are purposely meant to be cheesy

53. Is Christmas stressful?

- not for me but probably for my mum

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

- da heck is tHAT

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

- im not really a fan of fruit pies

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

- manager of asda or an author

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

- yes

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

- quite a few times

59. Take a vitamin daily?

- i used to have tablets but theyre very easy to forget about...

60. Wear slippers?

- all the time giiirrrrrl

61. Wear a bath robe?

- a dressing gown? only when im cold

62. What do you wear to bed?

- pyjamas

63. First concert?

- the saturdays

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

- none we dont have any of those here

65. Nike or Adidas?

- oooooo thats tough, maybe nike just edges in front bc ive bought more items that are nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

- wotsits

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

- peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

- love story

69. Ever take dance lessons?

- i have not no

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

- he do what he gunna do

71. Can you curl your tongue?

- yes 

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

- we dont have spelling bees so i have not

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

- mainly of laughter 

74. What is your favorite book?

- shatter me, probably bc i keep mentioning it its the first one that comes to mind

75. Do you study better with or without music?

- without, i need complete silence

76. Regularly burn incense?

- nope

77. Ever been in love?

- yes 

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

- bts, gfriend, snsd, little mix maybe, ellie goulding maybe 

79. What was the last concert you saw?

- the saturdays

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

- neither 

81. Tea or coffee?

- neither 

82. Favorite type of cookie?

- chocolate chip

83. Can you swim well?

- im okay HAHA i struggled when i was younger 

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

- i can yes

85. Are you patient?

- i would say so, especially recently bc apps have been crashing on my ipad lately and i havent gone mad yet 

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

- maybe DJ

87. Ever won a contest?

- quite a few, the first one i won was a harry potter competition in a really girly magazine and i went for it bc i thought no girl would go for it and i won, i have a flipping quidditch helmet and a huge bag

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

- nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

- nONE THEY ARE GROSS

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

- why not

91. Best room for a fireplace?

- living room

92. Do you want to get married?

- yes please

[summerwenxili]

Communication or the uselessness of it

In this world where we are living in, communication and human skills are painstakingly overrated. You open any job offer, nine times out of ten they ask you to be ‘a people person’ of some sorts. And that is hideous, really.

I hate communication in general. I panic when I have no choice but to make a phone call, and I get even more desperate when I get phone calls from total strangers. I don’t even reply to emails unless I really have to.

I don’t remember a time when it wasn’t like this. If anything, I have increased my tolerance towards communication over the years, against my will. While from time to time, I do enjoy a good debate or an enriching conversation with certain human beings. But in general, most of the conversations we have on daily basis are at best useless, and most certainly a waste of time.

Take after work drinks with colleagues, for instance. There you were, after a long day of work filled with conversations of no intellectual value whatsoever, your colleagues announced to you with some sincere and sanguine excitement that the entire office is going for a drink in the bar nearby, and it’d be great if you can be there too. You forced a smile, and quickly went through your memories: for the last five invitations of this kind, you’d used excuses including appointment with your ophthalmologist, your dentist,  your gynecologist, your bank account manager, and your downstairs’ neighbour who counted on you to water his plants. You were running out of excuses. So you nodded, you said nothing, you followed them, because another refusal would make it too obvious that you hated socializing. Why is that a sin? You don’t know.

In a perfect world you would have been at home, drinking tea, watching another episode of Gintama and singing the opening song out loud because you don’t give a damn. But there you were, you were in this bar. Your colleagues claimed that this was the best bar in town, and when you looked at the menu, the only drink they had was beer. And you hated beer. You have always hated beer and you hated even more the face people make when they heard that you don’t like beer, as if they just heard someone claiming that he hated chocolate or babies.

And yeah, you hate both of them, also.

They started talking. They first talked about work, each of them talk about what they did at work. Then they talked about the work of their boyfriend/girlfriend. They talked about some non-subjects in the middle, then they started to gossip their ex-colleagues. Once that was done, conversations of their private lives started. They talked about their wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, they talked about how they enjoy being single when they obviously did not, they talked about the prices of cars, of real estate, of clothes, of a visit to a famous hairdresser. They talked about children, the dream to have children, the problems of their children, and their parents, their in-laws, their distant uncle’s neighbour’s dog. They talked about clothes again. They talked about cars again. They talked about real estate again. They talked about real estate once again. They talked about real estate till the cow come home. In your desperation for the party to be over, you started to imagine a group of cows arrived and attacked the bar. Of course nothing of this sort happened.

You pretended that you’re listening. Of course you were not really. You asked yourself, is it my fault? Is it my fault that I really don’t care about the new boyfriend, the marketing project or the newborn baby of my colleagues?

No, it isn’t. It isn’t because at the end of the day, they don’t care about you either, and even if they do, it doesn’t even matter. The point is, why on earth do people seemingly enjoy these useless conversations? And why were you there, against your will, wasting your time? And how is it fair that you’re not even supposed to be writing this article at all because it is almost politically incorrect to complain about useless social events?

Because that is how this world works, they say. You have to socialise with people, they say, even when they clearly do not offer you any insight of anything at all apart from the mundane realities that we’re going through. And when you look around, everybody else seemed to be genuinely having fun. Gosh, I hate having fun. You said to yourself.

Yes, that’s it, having fun. I have never been able to fully seize the point of having fun. I looked at the moments when people claim that they had fun, and I am confused. They claim that they had fun because they were surrounded by human beings with whom they have no real connection, they talked about things that did not interest anyone at all, and they became painstakingly embarrassing after binge drinking. If that is really what fun is to the majority of human beings, let me die at the bottom boredom.

The trouble is beyond the simple fact of people having fun in incredible situations. The real trouble is useless conversations are killing other conversations. In a room full of conversations about newborn babies and consulting projects, no one can possibly start a debate on euthanasia or the use or overuse of plastic. And while we’re at it, let’s be honest, it doesn’t apply only to drinks between colleagues. Whenever one meets someone new in any kind of situations, there is a great chance that the conversation stays dreary from the beginning to the end. Jobs, clothes, career, children, real estate. Nothing new, nothing inspiring, nothing creative ever comes out, dullness reigns till the cows come how, go out, and come home again.

Finally, after a full 3-hour long presentation, you were finally free to leave. Of course, you were free to leave from the beginning, in a theory, but you were really free to leave only after a certain amount of time spend amongst these dreary conversations, which demonstrated, wrongly, that you enjoyed the night and you were ‘part of the team’. Call it a “dullness tax”, if you may.

On the way back home you listened to some teenage-girls-resistance-against-the-world song again. It was funny, you hated teenagers when you were a teenagers and you still dislike them now, but now you knew that they had some luxury that you don’t have anymore. They can scream that they’re against everything, but you, a miserable, insignificant adult can only try to adapt yourself to the society, lest you’d be called an unfit. When you’re an unfit as a teenager, you’re just an unfit, that’s not funny, sure, but as an adult it makes you a total joke. You cannot disagree with the dreariness that keeps the world the way it is, you cannot refuse to be part of this society, and when you turned back, you see no way out. 

When did all of this start? And how long is it going to last? I don’t know, but somehow I’ll have to find a way out of all of these before the end of myself. Before useless communication eats me alive.

[kellyhenk]

Something To Reach For

Jessica Hagy wrote a book, “How To Be Interesting (In 10 Simple Steps),” (©2013, Workman Publishing Company).  While it is not my life goal to be an ‘interesting’ person, I am always looking for ways to improve myself.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, should always look for ways to improve themselves.  Can you imagine how much better the world would be if we all said to ourselves, “What can I do today to fix my own life?  How can I change my negative or destructive ways of thinking?”  It’s a lofty goal.  But, hey, we all needs goals, huh?

These are some of the points I took away for myself.  Give the book a look-see, and, trust me, you’ll find something that fits into your life.

Childlike, not childish. Look with open eyes.  Remember how amazing the world was before you learned to be cynical.  See the neat things.  The messy things.  The funny things.  Less crankiness.  More marveling.

Cross Pollinate.  Youve got a thing, a schtick, a specialty.  And so does everybody else.  Don’t just associate with folks who do what you do.  Seek out those with different passions.  You’ll be able to experience exponentially more.

Compliment liberally.  Kind words are quite precious and cost nothing; it’s surprising that they’re so rare.  Laud what you enjoy.  Praise the people who excel in novel ways.  Do it publicly and often.  Everyone needs more encouragement.

Do something.  Anything.  Dance.  Talk.  Build.  Network.  Play.  Help.  Create.  It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you’re doing it.  Sitting around and complaining is not an acceptable form of “something,” in case you were wondering.

Do what you want.  Yes, you.  If it is unappetizing: Do not eat, date, or sign up for it.  If the mere thought of it is depressing: Do not major in it, sit through it, or devote your life to it.  If it is not important to you: Do not do it only because it is important to someone else.  You will thank yourself.

Give yourself some credit.  You deserve a chance.  You deserve to have fun.  You deserve to be happy.  You’ve got abilities and curiosities and things to offer.  So go on, jump in there.  Not only is there room for you, there’s a need for you.  Really.

Ditch the junk.  Not every activity is worthwhile.  Not every dreadful task in mandatory.  Avoid the things that drag you down and make you weary.  And if you must do them (laundry, taxes), then do them with gusto and put them out of your mind.  You’ll have more room for what matters.  More room for what’s interesting.

Find yourself a hero.  Seek someone who makes you smile.  Someone who lives the way you want to.  Someone you admire.  Someone real and imperfect.

Embrace your weirdness.  No one is normal.  Everyone has quirks and insights unique to themselves.  Don’t hide these things - they are what make you interesting.

Alter the uniform.  Dress up.  Dress down.  Grab a pail for the seashore.  Put on a hat only you like.  Put on what makes you feel like yourself.  Sometimes the right pair of shoes can make you feel better in your own skin.

Be yourself in public.  Leave the house as yourself.  Be yourself at work.  Wear your personality proudly.  Don’t censor your skills or hide your unique features.  To have a difference is to have an identity.  To make it public is to be truly yourself.

Do not fake it.  Costumes.  Poses.  False smiles and forced conformity.  It all gets in the way of what’s truly interesting.  You are innately unique: There’s no need to hide behind an ill-fitting mask.

No more apologizing.  You are not wrong to be unique.  You are not incorrect because you are different.  You should not be sorry for being interesting.

Smile at sneers.  Not everyone will understand you.  Not everyone will appreciate you.  Not everyone will embrace you.  Do not change for them.  Just smile at them, and move along.

Speak up.  Praise the marvelous.  Shut down the nasty.  Articulate what others are afraid to say out loud.  Further the discourse.

Anything is better than nothing.  Actions matter.  Even small ones.

Minimize the swagger.  Egos get in the way of ideas.  If your arrogance is more obvious than your expertise, you are someone other people avoid.

Just listen.  To what is said and what is left out.  To the messages between the words.  To the tone of voice.  To the sarcasm and to the reverence.  Communcation is far more than just words.

Drop the titles.  Kings and Queens. Doctors and Lawyers.  Popes and Mayors and Fishmongers.  Prostitutes and Librarians.  It’s not the title that matters; it’s the person behind it.

Admit goofs.  Mistakes happen.  Often.  Sometimes they’re your fault and sometimes theyre your misfortune.  Freely admit to both kinds.

Overstep your bounds.  Just because you’ve never been somewhere doesn’t mean you don’t belong.  Just because it’s not in your job description doesn’t mean you can’t do it.  Only you can really decide what league you really belong in.

Volunteer for the job.  Say, “Yes, I will be there for you.”  Show up, ready for anything.  Put your heart into it.  This is how people begin to fall in love with you, and you with your work.

Have no shame.  Sing badly and loudly.  Skip down the street.  Go to that open mic night.  Uncensor your personality.  More people will smile than laugh, and if they laugh, that’s their sad problem.

Question ubiquity.  Just because it’s everywhere doesn’t mean it’s good or worth participating in.

Your dream = your problem.  If you have a personal dream or a wish or a desire, know that you’re the only one who gives enough damns to see it realized.

Jettison toxic cargo.  If you’ve got bad memories attached to places, things, and even people: Let them go.  You will feel lighter almost immediately.

Don’t take advice from people you don’t respect.  Unless you want to turn out like them.  Which you obviously don’t.

Forgive.  Most people, even the nasty ones, are doing the best they can.  They may not deserve your love and admiration, but your scorn burns the both of you.

Trust your talents.  Whoever said you just weren’t (__________) enough was an ass.  And they were wrong.

Give extra chances - especially to yourself.  If you’re not dead, you can still change things.

These are my personal take-aways from this book.  And I thank Jessica Hagy for giving us these valuable life lessons.  Please don’t sue me.