#characters realizing theyre only human or characters realizing they were never really sharing the human experience at all

[somer-writes]

What's your favorite trope? Like ever. If every story you read/wrote for the rest of your life had to contain this one trope, what would it be?

oh man oh man oh man

i almost said enemies to lovers but really, it has to be crisis of faith

nothing tickles me more than a character having their entire reasoning for doing anything or moral compass laid at their feet. maybe their deity doesnt exist, maybe it does. maybe there is no reason for mercy and cruelty, maybe those things are entirely out of their control. and what becomes the point of anything if they start to believe that their life was never theirs to command??

i love this trope bc it breaks down what makes someone them. like at the end of the line, on deaths doorstep, if they leave anything behind what would it be?

it gives characters a new motivation. sometimes it makes them better, sometimes it makes them worse. i love when no matter good or evil it causes some kind of ascension in them.

even more when it effects a greater world! dead gods are still gods. why are they still being worshipped if theyre gone? why not worship them if theyre alive? how does an atheist align their viewpoint with a world that hinges on deities like a lot of fantasy worlds or how does a theist grapple with this being all there is?

sweet sweet angst in a good old fashioned existential crisis but so much oomph in a character finding out theres no point and making their own instead or perhaps a character choosing their own path to a predetermined destination

[howlonomy]

Here it is:

Alright, the Lore Shit: After killing Zenith Martlet and absorbing Asgore's SOUL, Clover decided to kill literally everyone in the Underground (minus the Ruins since they can't get back there) to make sure that any humans to fall in the future can't be killed by them (their ass was NOT listening to Flowey about how the Barrier works). So the constant release of ambient magic from the killed monsters plus them having Asgore's SOUL started to, slowly but surely, turn them into a Monster (and because of how slow it was, they didn't have any balance issues with the tail). Unknown to them, Asgore's SOUL had been collecting that magic, which is what caused them to change. They don't even realize that they've transformed since, as Sans states, they have distanced themself so much by having a LOVE of 20 that they don't even really seem to be there (also they have not looked in a mirror, no "It's you"s to be seen here)

For some reason I thought of this too, but their theme would either be straight up Enemy Retreating or a remixed All's Fair (which I have decided to call "Is It Fair?")

Stats: Same as always for the same reason, it just makes sense here.

Check: DOUBLE MEANING ALERT! DOUBLE MEANING ALERT! WEEWOO WEEWOO!

Sorry, but yeah. Traitor in the sense of "You killed everyone who cares for me" and "You killed all* the monsters while also being a monster" (a "You have become the very thing you swore to destroy" moment if ever there were). And "Justice" because killing people is never justice (unless it's the death penalty and ruled by a court of law but eh, semantics)

FLAVOR TEXT BECAUSE I HAVE THOUGHT THIS OUT WAY TOO MUCH:

Clover seems hesitant.

Clover can't seem to attack!

Are they... crying?

Because this fight is from the POV of a Pacifist Ending Clover (most likely in between exploring Ceroba's house and meeting up with Martlet on top off UG Apartments, again I have thought this out way too much) that means that nmm!Clover is fighting a human, which they really don't want to do, especially since that human is themself, so they hesitate and sometimes just straight up don't attack (I thought about including Familiarity again, but decided against it just so that I could have new material, it would absolutely fit, though)

Also, fun little fact I guess, but this is a complete inversion of the dt!Clover vs. nm!Clover fight! A murderous monster Clover fighting a pacifistic human Clover, and BOTH don't want to fight this time!

I realize that this may be a bit much considering this IS your au, but I can't help it when my brain starts thinking of this stuff, and it's so cool that I can't NOT draw it and share it.

ANYWAYS now I only have like one idea left. I am so close, but I will probably gain like seven others as soon as it's done, oh well. Enjoy!

WHAAAAATTT ALL OF THIS IS SO FUN???? the concept of slowly turning into the thing you swore to destroy is SOOO EVERYTHING…. and the play on alls fair??!??!? literally insane i am obsessed with it being called is it fair. because its not but i imagine nmm!clover being so distraught about being turned into a creature they hate and having to fight themselves. but its almost like penance for what they did.

AND THE INVERSE IS SO FUNNNN so many interesting new dynamics there; like if this fight took place before the final ceroba fight, clover wouldnt be nearly as close with everyone. sure, theyre angry at nmm!clover but also. they get it. im sure they would understand where they were coming from.

AARUGHHH THIS IS SO FUN I LOVE THIS LITTLE IDEA!!! ITS SO RICH IN CHARACTER AND LITTLE FLAVOR TEXTS

[adwox]

i dont really care for human AUs of mega man characters but a zerox-centric college AU is actually so funny to me

-X graduates at the top of his class is therefore able to shave one year off at college, so hes put in the sophomore year dorms and his roommate is zero

-zero only went to college cause his stupid dad WAS a professor at university, but he got shitcanned halfway through his first term cause wily publicly cursed zero out for not paying attention in class

-light ended up being wilys replacement, to which neither X nor zero knew about until one day during parents weekend they both arrive to their boys dorm room at the same time. and yes they are bitter exs just like in the real games

-zero is a trustfund baby i said what i said. he kind of does not gaf about college at all but he is a dedicated D1 athlete and does work on the campus coffee shop (its the only place he will actually end up doing his homework because he functions best in a loud environment)

-X is duel-majoring because light has subconsciously put a lot of pressure on him especially after his oldest sibling blues dropped out very early on. rock never went to college because seeing what blues went through kind of freaked him out. roll plans on attending one day but is currently working to save up money first and also she just kind of doesnt feel like it yet. X is the worlds first youngest sibling to have eldest daughter syndrome

-despite being in the same graduating class, zero is still technically older, so X looks up to him as an upperclassmen. zero does feel an obligation to show him the ropes so he does look after him for a good while during X's first semester but he soon realizes firsthand just how capable he is

(non-hard drug talk below)

-neither of them ironically share vices, since they both make the respective other anxious. X is a wake and bake kind of guy, zero is a Drinks black coffee an hour before midnight person

-X only recently tried coffee again because zero made him a lavender latte specifically for him. even tho it was decaf, X still felt like his heart was about to jump out of his throat which he felt SO bad about since he knew zero specifically made it for him. and this happened within the first week of the term so they hadnt known each other that well, so X was very very embarrassed knowing zero was just watching him shake like a little leaf. though zero found it all rather amusing

-zero never smoked before because bass was a chronic smoker and it kind of turned him off since they didnt really get along for a while (theyre on much better terms now, they soulbond over wily causing them grief these days). X offers to roll for zero on the very first weekend cause in his mind X is like: college sophomore, how to get on good terms? offer free weed. Unfortunately a few hits in zero is white-knuckling his kneecaps and doing everything in his power not to throw up. he learned the hard way then and there that he is too paranoid for that shit, and while X felt so incredibly guilty for a while, he did feel it let them both become closer faster since zero did need to let his guard down to let X take care of him that evening

(end drug talk)

-X goes to every game zero is in (i really like the idea of the sport zero plays being hockey but idk if theres D1 hockey teams in college Lol) despite knowing nothing about the sport rules

-X finds out vile is actually on the same sports team as zero which is SO awkward for him since they had VERY briefly dated before X realized just how incompatible they were. whenever vile puts two and two together about who X's roommate is, let it be known he will be scheming........

-X joins the improv club because he feels he struggles a lot with making decisions on the fly, but to his surprise hes very great at adapting to other people! zero, who kind of used to think it was a rather silly club, ends up sitting in on some of their performances and finds it quite endearing

-also the first bonding moment X and zero have is when zero notices X hang up a photo of rush on their corkboard and is like: "oh shit i like your dog. i have one too. (shows photo of treble) i mean technically hes my older brothers but hes the only one that cares to make that distinction." X responds immediately full of newfound excitement: "no way, i have an older brother too! well, two of them. and an older sister.... but since i was the last one to leave the house, i always felt like i was taking care of them whenever theyd come back." IMMEDIATE soul bonding over family dynamics ensue

[gwenthebard]

TELL! US! ABOUT! YOUR! OCS!

OH SOMEONE ACTUALLY ASKED

OKAY THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ASS POST, LETS TALK ABOUT MY TWO MAIN OC CATEGORIES

Pathfinder OCs and Fallout OCs. My Pathfinder OCs are primarily based around the Montague family of Ustalav, my Fallout OCs are primarily based around game MCs plus one TTRPG oc

Honestly I've written fan fiction about all of them, but I'm absolutely too terrified to share that

Buckle up y'all

MONTAGUE FAMILY

The Montague family are Ustalav nobility, all disappointments to each other and all fucked up in their own and unique ways. I sort of have art for them, but it's just Hero Forge screenshots from them being largely game characters.

In alphabetical order:

Alaela Montague

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 123

Height: 5’4 (163 cm)

Ancestry: Elf

Class: Cleric

Likes: Her kids, Bad Boys, Adventure, Sex, BDSM

Dislikes: Settling Down, Purity Culture, Losing

Fun Facts:

Parents are wealthy merchants in Absalam, but extremely disappointed in their daughter’s life choices and don’t talk to her much.

The collar is not part of her uniform

Alaela's a bad ass Cleric of Calistria who fell in love with her husband after she tried to kill him on a dare and he found it really funny. They got married, but after having the triplets she realized she was missing a life of adventure. She waited until they were 12, said "I'm sure they won't get mommy issues if I leave now" and left.

She still regularly writes her kids letters, somehow knowing where they are even when theyre adventuring. Every year she hosts a family dinner where everyone's invited, but attendance is inconsistent.

Bella Montague

Pronouns: She/They

Age: 63

Height: 6’3 (190 cm)

Ancestry: Dhampir human

Class: Cleric

Likes: Helping people out, Howl, meeting new people, Unions

Dislikes: Vegetables, Alcohol, Capitalism

Fun Facts:

Is in horrible need of wearing her glasses, but thinks they make her look like a nerd.

Became a cleric to try and see her mom more (it didn’t work)

Bella's the middle child of the Montague triplets, and was actually the first of them I built. She's very much a jock, terribly built, and is a charismatic herbo who gets by on the fact no one asks her anything too complicated.

She can't hit anything, will eat or drink anything you hand her, and has built a slow resistance to poison from Howl testing his poisons on her since they were kids. They will do literally anything an older woman tells her to, and has accidentally unionized war camps.

Delilah Montague

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 63

Height: 6’3 (190 cm)

Ancestry: Dhampir human

Class: Witch

Likes: Death, Necromancy, The Eyes That Watch, Salem, Sally

Dislikes: Food, Baths, Bella

Fun Facts:

Uses Embalming fluid as her perfume

Sally is the only one allowed to fix her hair or pick her outfits

I'm actually playing Delilah in an Alkenstar game, and she's probably my favorite. Having suffered from sleep paralysis since she was a kid, on the first birthday after her mom left the creature in the shadows, the Eyes That Watch, sent her a cat as a birthday present. Salem's a talking cat who ambiguously hints he was once human, and is a himbo

She takes terrible care of herself, having not taken a bath or brushed her hair in decades now. Her outfit was white when and blue when she was given it, and she's never purposefully dyed it. Delilah often has to be forced to eat by Salem, though at the same time he eats most of her rations for her.

Howl Montague

Pronouns: He/Him

Age: 68

Height: 6’6 (198 cm)

Ancestry: Vampire human

Class: Alchemist

Likes: Fashion, Sewing, Fiber Arts, Bella

Dislikes: Blood, messes, insects

Fun Facts:

Made the main outfits all of the triplets normal wear (armor withstanding)

Bella is the only one who gets to hear about how his experiments are going (she's the test subject)

Howl is the oldest Montague child, and is proud of having the best fashion sense. He wakes up every morning and decides he's the most impressive person in the country. Having trained to be an alchemist since a young kid, he specializes in mutagens and poisons.

Howl is a disaster pansexual and has a habit of falling fast and falling hard for every man and woman he meets. Absolutely has never gotten a date and never will, because he has negative game. Sally tried setting him up once on a blind date and he panicked and poisoned himself to have an excuse to leave early.

Kolro Montague

Pronouns: He/Him

Age: ???

Height: 7’5 (226 cm)

Ancestry: Vampire human

Class: Fighter

Likes: Bloodshed and massacre, subjugating the masses, torture, his wife

Dislikes: His kids, his life choices

Fun Facts:

Spends an hour every morning styling his hair and beard

Makes sure to schedule a collective twenty four hours of bonding time with each of his kids each year to seem like he cares

Kolro's family had ruled their territory in Ustalav for some time before he became a vampire. Killing his own father, he took up the titles and has ruled the territory with an iron fist ever since, his cruel exterior only pierced by Alaela.

Kolro has no idea how to raise kids, and literally thinks his kids aren't properly adults until they try to kill him and steal his titles and lands. None of them have tried to do so, and none hold a demeanor close to his, leading to constant disappointment. He's not sure how to interact with his kids in a way that's not encouraging murder or discussing the philosophy of war.

Salem Catenhagen

Pronouns: He/Him

Age: ???

Height: Cat

Ancestry: Cat

Class: Cat

Likes: String, fish, catnip, women, flare for the dramatic, evil schemes

Dislikes: Water, long walks on the beach, The Eyes That Watch

Fun Facts:

Used to be human before betraying The Eyes That Watch

Considers himself the dad who stepped up to Delilah.

Literally just gonna leave this here, what else needs to be said.

Sally Montague

Pronouns:

Age: 63

Height: 6’3 (190 cm)

Ancestry: Dhampir human

Class: Druid

Likes: Her kids, Delilah, her husbands, nature, animals, flowers, trees, birds, bugs, green, brown, purple, pink, red, white, black (list continues indefinitely)

Dislikes: Fighting, anger, bad vibes

Fun Fact:

Stole her pearl necklace from her dad’s private vault as a memory of home

Is wanted in every country for violent acts of ecoterrorism she refers to as her “fixing the vibes in the room”.

Youngest of the Montague triplets, Sally has always been the silliest of the family. Loving peace, happiness, beauty, she was always considered to be a rebel in her family, something she thought stressful. When she fell in love with a halfling bard at nineteen she panicked at how her family would react and did the logical thing:

She robbed her grandmother's grave and placed the body in her bed, burned down her tower, stole the Montague family pearls, and faked her death for five years while she eloped and had a kid. By the time she returned, everyone was so happy about her being alive they didn't care about her taste in men. She primarily lives in a halfling commune with her three husbands and scores of kids and grandkids, but occasionally goes on trips to perform ecoterrorism.

FALLOUT OCS

These have a lot less information, mostly because most of them are my character headcanons and the one TTRPG one I've never gotten a chance to play in a game so it's just for my custom setting

I have a picture of my Sole Survivor OC, literally shitty "took picture of screen" because was playing her recently, but not even Hero Forge art for others so keep that in mine

Nancy Alberts

Origin: Lone Wanderer

Pronouns: She/Her

Nancy's genuinely hopeful and happy, but also very shy and uncertain about herself. Growing up in the vault she was the type to try and making people like her by being funny, but none of her jokes work in the wasteland so she's just nervous.

Ends up becoming really skilled at using automatic rifles and the like. She wears the power armor she's given while out on quests, but otherwise feels a lot of comfort in wearing her old vault suit while around the house.

She started getting a crush on Butch before she left the vault that she fucking hated and suppressed. They became a relationship of "well we know each other and not many other people" after he left the vault himself, and kinda on again off again until they actually started dating after the game.

Mouse

Origin: The Courier

Pronouns: She/Her

Mouse lost big sections of her memory after getting shot in the head, remembering some vague details but forgetting a lot. Not remembering her actual name, she just remembers people liked to call her Mouse, and she was from farther out west. Wandering back out into the wastes she found herself.

She ends up becoming classic cowboy, using revolvers mostly with occasional non-scoped rifles, wears leathers and coats. She acts cheerful and happy, though is constantly on the verge of an identity crisis and crying regularly as she tries to figure out who she is. Tries staying alone at first, despite meeting few people, but does bring Boone along after helping him out.

Sees Boone as similar sad person for her to relate to, especially since it helps neither talks about their past immediately. Starts to enjoy his company and adds his gifted beret to her normal wardrobe. Starts to get a crush on Boone, but pretty much immediately knows he's never returning that.

Sleeps with Benny planning to kill him and thinking it's the best way to show Boone "not interested", but they end up talking about their feelings and regrets and she forgets to and falls asleep. Wakes up pissed off and tracks him down, ends up letting him go, and gets pissed at herself again and shoots Caesar for the hell of it before leaving. This all makes her realize how desperate she is for someone to talk to, and makes the crush on Boone worse.

Honest Hearts and Lonesome Road happens and she realizes it's not just Boone, she just has the worst taste in men and is touch starved.

She does the Yes Man ending, and tries and help people around her get better as she realizes she's a complete mess. Tries turning herself into a martyr, but friends keep pulling a "I will drag you into loving yourself" point

Julie "Snipes"

Pronouns: She/Her

Origin: Sole Survivor

Julie grew up in the country and was used to needing to hunt and the like, with her dad being a major doomsday prepper. Gladly settled down and became a suburban housewife after growing up with that, trying to put that behind her. After waking up from being frozen she fell back on a lot of that, while spiraling mentally.

Julie believes completely in customization and sufficiency, though how far she takes it can be concerning. She primarily dresses as above and uses a sniper rifle and pipe pistol for close range. She stopped using her husband's name early on, though didn't feel comfortable taking her maiden name. In the end she ended up getting the nickname Snipes for her preferred method of combat.

She alternates rather regularly between being nice and supportive and wanting to go into the Wasteland and fight everything she sees. Generally tries to help others, but at the same time just feels really lost and unsure of how to act in this new world so she falls back on letting others do most of the charity work.

On top of building settlements and falling back on knowledge she has from her past she customizes everything. Her weapons, her armor, even herself in what ways she can. Julie got really into chems after the apocalypse, often making her own and using them during fights.

Doesn't really get over the death of her husband for a long while, not even removing her wedding ring the whole time or living his behind. Becomes really good friends with Hancock and has brief flings with Piper and Macready, but isn't ready for a full relationship. Does Minuteman ending, after the game she ends up retiring to Diamond City with her robot kid to try focusing on herself again.

Morgause

Pronouns: She/Her

Origins: Fallout 2d20 (Custom Richmond Setting)

Morgause is a member of "The Kingdom", a group of ren faire descendents who formed a pseudo-medieval civilization. A member of the noble class, Morgause left it behind to seek a life of her own. Now she wanders the wasteland trying to help smaller civilizations, while escaping bounty hunters her family sends trying to bring her back.

Morgause still dresses in the pseudo-medieval fashion of The Kingdom, wearing long dresses and veils even to fights. Primarily using rifles, she likes to keeps her distance if a fight happens and use her charisma first when possible. Her dialogue's still peppered with the dialect of The Kingdom, though she's been trying to hide it as it's a subject of ridicule the farther out one gets from their territories.

Morgause travels alone mostly, though has recently started taking up group jobs in an attempt to socialize. Not really sure how to act outside the specific context of a noble of a single culture though it's been slow and with plenty of blunders. Her one and only attempt to have asked someone on a date having resulted in laughter

[tblsomedoodles]

now we know about them, you have me interested in the two children, ugh

so, if we are bacing anything off the comics, which we don't need to, one of the O'neil-Jones children would technically be Casey Marie (Casey Jr) so thats uhh... uhm

but i can def imagine like a family tree hw assignment with pictures and the 03 turts are all listed as april's siblings, but there are no pictures, and something happens. like, they know angie since they are lil babies, one of em has to slip up.

And then, theyre cousin is gone, big sad and then 2 years later he shows up with 6 more (Cassandra is totally their sister) cousins in toe and three of them have the same names as their parents.

i am def thinking way too much about the backround characters-

Hell yes! I love Casey Marie! I only know her from "The Last Ronin" so if she's in anything else i do not know, but yeah! (also the fact that Rise and 03 would have both opposite but matching Casey & Casey Jr sets would be fantastic. Like 03: Male Casey, female Casey Jr. Rise: Female Casey, male Casey Jr.) (another fun fact, 03 Casey's name is Arnold Casey Jones jr. So technically he is the Jr, even though they'd call his daughter Jr despite her actually not being a Jr lol. I'm making this more complicated than it has to be but it's so silly i can't not)

But the oldest would definitely just be Casey Marie. The youngest would probably be a little girl as well, simply because Casey being a proud dad with two daughters would be just very, very cute.

That family tree assignment is adorable! I could see one of them putting it together and adding the 03 boys as their uncles without consulting their parents or anything. So April just comes over to see how they're doing and is just "But i don't have any siblings-oh. I stand corrected." and she just kinda realizes that's basically what the boys are to her at this point. somewhat annoying little brothers.

And yes, those girls would definitely talk about Angie like all the time when they were small. Luckily none of the adults really take them seriously, thinking the their "turtle cousin Angie" is just an imaginary friend they share. but it still makes April and Casey panic a bit whenever one of the girls tries to talk about the turtles to someone not in the loop. It would take years for them to understand that their uncles and cousin's mere existence is a secret they shouldn't talk about.

But then Angie, their cousin and closest friend, is just gone. They'd be 12 and 8 by then, old enough to understand they're probably never going to see him again. And that hurts. But then! two years later, he's back! he's alright, alive, and brings an entire army of new cousins for them to cause chaos with. (is it a little confusing that the human cousins have the same names? yes. Do they care, hell no. the more the marrier lol. who cares about the technicalities when there's chaos to cause : ) )

Oh, i just had a thought! a young Angie who just started his more serious ninja training, trying to teach Casey Marie what he's learned! but eventually the adults catch on and are like, "As sweet as it is that you're trying to teach your cousin Ninjutsu, maybe you should leave it to Leo." And Leo ends up with a second (and eventually 3rd) student. (probably only a few times a week, not every day like Angie but still.) It means Angie wouldn't learn it alone.

Also just realized i never named the youngest Jones child. So, after consulting a Random name generator, her name is Jackie (short for Jacklyn but they only ever call her Jackie.) So Casey Marie and Jackie. (how am i so attached to these two and they only just got names? wow.)

Thank you! i hadn't thought much on them before so going into it a bit was really, really cool.

[arf2004]

ok i never really post anything myself but i need to get this OUT!! ill probably do multiple posts atp bc theres so much. so much in my brain. this episode fucked me up it did it did its like every single episode just wrecks me more than the last it makes me feel new emotions and love and hope and sadness and o related and i dont relate and i empathize and i dont empathize and its so fucked up.

anyways. my first thoughts. the beauty of teds scene with his mom is unparalleled to me. its really justa bpiece of a bigger picture in this episode and even the series. i understand him ona level thats not quite the same but similarly shared. he needs to be happy for the other people around him so that theyre ok. hes "the kind friend". he is the one that is a rock and treats everyone eith respect even if you think they might not deserve it.

but he learned that. thats not something you just are. you learn pain and you learn hurt and you internalize it for far longer than you should to turn out like that. to give a story from your childhood and to be told "i cant even imagine you being cruel to people". to be one dimensional. to be the nicest person youve ever met. if you falter, you break the facade of the comfort and warmth you give to the people in your life, it means they leave you. it means they pull back. it means they walk on eggshells and theyre worried about you at every turn.

the fact that they both told eachother "fuck you" and they both knew that it was ok. it hurt because love hurts. it hurt because when you tell people you are upset with them, it hurts both of you. it hurt because they both knew these things to be true and were too scared to admit it to themselves. and they both fucked up. theyre both human. everyone in this show is so utterly, entirely human. even rupert. the fact that they gave him stories and a real life history doesnt mean that he isnt a shitty guy. just because you admit that someone is human doesnt excuse their actions.

ithink, far more than any show ive seen before, our view on the characters in the show that we see as either evil or infallible changes as the characters' views themselves shift. when rebecca realizes that everyone used to be a little kid, that rupert isnt a looming evil, but a man, a man who is not anything to her but an acquaintance and an ex-husband, we start to see him as human too. when teds mom tells him that his boy misses him, and that hes hurting both of them, we see, for not the first time but definitely the most impactful to me, that he is not perfect. he never was. we see that he is making mistakes. of course he is, we all know that right? but truly, deeper than "mistakes", we see that he doesnt know. he is afraid. he has made decisions that hurt him and his son and he doesnt know what to do. he wont always know what to do, and god knows he hasnt in the past.

we hear the mantra of "nobody is perfect" and we know that, we do. but not only is nobody perfect, but nobody can escape the cycle of missteps and mistakes. it isa part of being that someone will miscommunicate. will trip. will fall. hard. but we arent bad people for that. the world isnt as easy as "good" and "bad" people. we are all just existing and finding the ways that we feel right doing it, even if sometimes it hurts others.

fuck you, ted lasso, for making me feel so much love and compassion for everything in existence.

[selamat-linting]

i like to write, both serious and silly things, fiction and nonfiction. the serious stuff gets published in the newspaper, or submitted to some zine or a magazine and posted in a personal blog when rejected. the silly stuff tho, that ones for my eyes only. i enjoy both equally. but i do find it a little sad that i didnt have much chance sharing the silly writings because it was so personal and self indulgent. tbf, when i say its silly, its very silly. its a homestuck ripoff with some hints of eschatology using a mary sue as the main character.

premise is this : the world is inevitably ending in several decades, so somehow it activates an eldritch pocket dimension / machine / entity / creature hidden in the earth that are meant as a second chance for humanity. a sample of a few thousand humans were selected. using the data gathered on the internet, the device sets up a network of puzzles and quests to test the chosen people. it almost looks like a game. it promise that if they win, they will be given the means to create a new world. but ofc, its not just the machines who is the judge, but is also the entire humanity. barring certain exceptions (void players, the people who really likes not knowing shit and having things be a mystery, basically ppl who would be religious/spiritual and not question it), the player must do everything in game with the eyes and the judgement of the world watching. something they only know after heavy plot development.

some believed that the players were seen by the rest of the world because theyre judged as a representative for humanity, and that this intense scrutiny was just like how in the end of the world, god would ask every single part of your body about the things you do during your life, and that you will not be able to lie because it was the parts of your body (your actions) that testified for the truth.

anyway, as the contestants played the game, gets outside interference from world powers, the 1% and the like, suffer untold amounts of trauma, and loses their entire privacy as the inside of their heads gets laid out on the table for all to see, they realized that their myriad of different tests was ultimately asking them to look for another way and think for themselves instead of choosing black and white options on ethical/moral dilemmas. theyre metaphorically forced to walk on a long bridge that are as thin as hair. but it wasnt hopeless. again, the bridge, the pathway, was metaphorical. the machine demands the winning players to be a certain way. the kind who wanted to change the world for the better and has done enough thinking and actions to understand what it took, the one who has already let go of conventional human morals and forged their own path and philosophical system. this is the second chance of humanity afterall, they better make it work. the world is not for amusement after all.

anyway, the main character is a prince of doom who proudly proclaims he's killing himself to live. nah, he's not good at walking the metaphorical bridge either at first. look, the answer isnt to demand perfect people to cross the bridge, its mutual coordination, working together, you know the kind of shit leftists love to do. this wip im writing only has like, two first draft chapters and several disconnected scenes of things i find cool. im not that interested in making things coherent or completely finishing the story. the main character is still temporarily names as Anonymous. At best, it will be complete but only as a partially edited second draft that i will never officially share to anyone. its my personal fun project :)

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[wygolvillage]

ok fuck it here we go

worst belmont: leon- i just dont care about lament of innocence lol. if my wife was turning into a vampire i would simply not kill her to power up a weapon

seventh best: juste- this pains me to put him this low bc i do like him and i absolutely love hod. i like his silly furniture collection its a very humanizing element. i just dont think hes all that interesting Narratively. hod is moreso maxims story imo

sixth best: trevor- hmm i find myself appreciating him a lot more than i used to lately? the cv3 gang as a whole is really good imo and i like the idea of him and sypha as a t4t couple... also bonding over how they were both kinda treated like shit until their skills were deemed useful... like trevor being exiled and then Asked To Come Back once he had a "use" has to feel somewhat dissonant to him. mostly i think hes made more interesting via the characters he allies with but i admit theres something there... i am a trevor enjoyer i would say, but there are just a lot of other belmonts i like more. he wouldbe way higher if i categorized him with the other cv3 protagonists though

fifth best: simon- in original cv he is a pretty standard action hero of sorts. HOWEVER most of my enjoyment is from his other game... cv2 is neat and has It Could Be That Deep vibes i think... i like how its kinda flipped with a belmont intending to resurrect drac for a sort of personal gain (curing himself of the curse) but its executed extremely differently from how richters arc was- richter is more of a tragedy whereas simon is a guy having to go to immense measures just to save himself in a kinda understandable way. he passes from town to town, always distant and never staying long, trying to outpace the quickly approaching death that awaits him. idk its just neat

fourth best: christopher (and also soleiyu)- its a shared position bc christopher is mostly interesting via his relationship to his son, but i think about them a lot... belmonts revenge has story potential. It Could Be That Deep. i think it's interesting that dracula was able to reappear so soon because christopher failed to kill him entirely the first time around, so i actually hc that christopher feels guilt that his son was probably targetted as a result of his mistake. soleiyu himself i think would feel a lot of Shame And Angst over the whole debacle since hes the first belmont to rlly bring shame to his family name and also hes 15 and rlly emotional lol. i have this whole narrative in my head about christopher and soleiyus relationship being really distant and fraught after belmonts revenge since theyre both so haunted and them eventually reconciling in the middle of a rainstorm or smth CHhfssfh. this is all headcanons and exists in my mind only but i think about belmonts revenge fairly often

third best belmont: julius- i was debating whether i liked him or christopher more but julius won me over by virtue of having actual dialogue lol and im sure if we ever got the 1999 game id like him even more... i like how his amnesia results in him realizing his role in the eternal struggle at the same time as soma realizing things about his past life as dracula its a cool parallel i posted about recently. he has a cool boss fight and is also rlly fun to play as in aria and he has cool gay uncle vibes

second best belmont: sonia- i just like her!! i think her backstory in the manuals is kinda interesting and i think she would be a good mom to trevor. i like her dialogue in legends a lot, and she deserved better than what she got. getting a game cancelled and being booted off of the canon timeline sucks man

number 1 best belmont: richter- i like how his whole character is like... you know that honorable family legacy this whole series has been building up? time to tear that shit down and show how it can absolutely destroy a guy. i like how in sotn he seeks to "make the battle last for eternity" because thats all this has ever been!! an eternal battle!! over the course of centuries!! hes like, the essence of Being a belmont turned up to 11 by shafts influences, and i could go on about The Greater Themes Of Cycles In Castlevania but i will not, but its very relevant to my reading of him... richters decision to give up the whip and take the belmonts into hiding after sotn (thus ending the cycle... and the belmonts we see in ooe right after this lead normal happy lives seperated from this idea of Being A Belmont its so interesting...) are smth i think about a lot... freeing his descendants from the same expectations that corrupted him... its Deep. and the post-sotn part of the timeline that ensues as a result of him staining the family name is my favorite era in the series. richter is awesome 😎

[yeoldontknow]

დ content tag game დ

tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love! 

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?  - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?  - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?  - here and AO3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural. 

6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always

7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?  - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?  - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?  - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)  - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?  - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with

13. current number of wips?  - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process

15. a quote you like from a published story.

‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’

‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’

‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’

- from: hero - chapter 3

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?

The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.

from: time runner - chapter 7

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy! 

[calangkoh]

I think if Ed, Al and Roy of both 03 and MH met each other they wouldn't get along. MH!Ed would hate 03!Ed for killing, while 03!Ed thinks MH!Ed is naive. MH!Roy would hate that 03!Roy gave up on Hughes and his dream, while 03!Roy would think MH!Roy a monster for choosing vengeance over morals. The Al's would be better, but mh!Al would get thrown off by 03!Al's instablity and anger issues, while 03!Al would see MH!Al as babyish in the vein of Fletcher Tringham.

oh i LOVE this game. thinking about them all meeting. 

i actually disagree and think theyd all be very empathetic toward each other, with some variations. i think MH characters would feel a lot of sadness for their 03 counterparts and wonder what could have pushed them.

but it comes down to interpretation and what you’re more interested in seeing, and i also am not as familiar or invested in the MH versions so i cant say how in character my interpretations are. 

if anyone wants to share more ideas on this id be super interested in reading! but for now my headcanons would be:

the eds: 03 ed has a feeling of inferiority to MH ed, who is taller, stronger, more accomplished, and fulfilled. he has everything he wants. and he’s also much louder and brasher than 03 ed whose become very worn down like an old man by the ripe age of 18 and i can legit see him finding MH overwhelming. if they met when they were younger they’d be bros. they’d constantly egg each other on and be annoying to everyone else, but have a blast with each other, while also doing everything to NOT talk about the sad stuff they share in their past. they know each other and its unspoken. but at the end of their respective journeys, MH looks at 03 ed with pity, and 03 ed looks at MH ed and he decides he understands Envy and how he felt seeing his father with a happy family that didnt include him. they’d be 50% awkward silence, 10% a maybe heartfelt talk (since both eds are very capable of those when they let their guard down), and 40% just discussing their lives and finding commonalities and eventually finding something to laugh and joke about. even if its self deprecating humor. both of them admire each others dedication to their brother and recognize they both did everything they could, but had different situations where different choices had to be made. now if a YOUNGER ed met an older ed in any combo, it’d be very different.

the als: if theyre both in the armor, they'd spend some time sharing stories but mostly just sit in comfortable silence, i feel, again with an unspoken understanding of each others struggles. al is pretty quiet and rarely shares his feelings or thoughts until they’re really strong, so i think they’d just sorta coexist. now if we’re talking restored al, post series for both of them, i can see a few routes, but just to pick one, i think fmab is going to feel like a babysitter for his (physically) younger counterpart, but they both are still very kind and sweet and excited to be back in their bodies and will probably go out collecting kittens together lol. but eventually something would give way and fmab al will realize how totally messed up 03 al is from his experiences, and 03 al will have resentment toward fmab al. like something would just slip out or 03 al would do something reckless or even self-destructive that fmab al just couldnt ever see himself doing, and 03 al will project his guilt and self-hatred onto his counterpart. 

the roys: now THESE guys i dont think would like each other, but theyre both mature and world-weary adults so its not like they would fight or anything. disagree and dislike each other, but never fight or argue about it. 03 roy is too sad and honestly slimy for MH roy, and MH roy is too....well like fmab ed is for 03 ed he’s just too much for 03 roy. MH is much louder and brasher and a more likable personality. also, MH roy is just...a better person kjahdgjkdgs. they’d probably get the sense of their differences right away, and decide to just go get a drink together rather than argue about them. they both were affected by the war and they miss having a drinking buddy so....yeah they’ll drink in silence, probably another unspoken thing that they’re toasting to hughes. 

the eds and als swapped: if fmab ed got to hang with 03 al (and for this we’re going only with post-series, since that’s where they all differ enough from their counterparts to make for interesting dynamics), he’d sense the Off-ness right away. like yeah this is def al, but somethings definitely off under the surface. he’d go big brother mode, since 03 al is physically much younger. 03 al, who is technically the same age as everyone else, prolly isnt a fan, since he’s used to being the caretaker and voice of reason and conscience to ed, but now hes got an ed, one that isnt even his ed, trying to tell him to more careful and stuff lol. 03 ed with fmab al is a less unique dynamic. fmab al would be doing what any al always does and tries to be that caretaker/conscience and like fmab ed, would pick up on his brother’s counterpart’s Offness right away. fmab al senses this ed has issues and is on top of it trying to get him to take better care of himself. and 03 ed would just be like...eh sure. he may wonder about this version of al and if he was a good enough big brother to his own al. since fmab al seems as wholesome and pure as ever, while his al is, as one anon put it, a stepford smiler (where the wholesome and pure behavior is more of a defense mechanism to hide pain underneath)

sorry for not including winry, but it just got to be too long, and i think they’d basically just be bros anyway regardless of when in their stories theyre meeting. theyd geek out and show each other automail stuff. and complain about how stupid their eds are. instant bffs. 

EDIT; ajdhjd i just wanna clarify that theres a lot of focusing on their differences to rlly emphasize the different spots they ended in (hence some dramatization), but 03 ed isnt just a depressed shut in and 03 al isnt a mess of a human reckless ed elric 2 (i feel like i accidentally imply this sometimes that he’s a totally different person when in actuality the change in als personality i often refer to would be very hard to detect) but when comparing them to their BH counterparts those differences are more clear because 03 does have them end up in much more fragile and challenging states. Overall theyd still have a lot in common (both als are genuine caring patient sweeties and both eds are heroic, bold, and extremely caring under a rough exterior) but if i just talked about their similarities then it wouldnt be an interesting dynamic to write or read about.

[auntfinny]

Losing Parents in Guardians of Ga’hoole

Guardians of Ga’hoole is a fantastic series of books by author Kathryn Lasky, and while some may consider it “too dark” at first glance, it teaches some incredibly important messages in a way that child readers would understand. These books are for kids. They are written for kids. I’d predict the intended age range is like.. 10-13, maybe 8-12? You pick up a book and open it, and you see large print and around 100-200 pages (it may look a bit thick but, they are printed smaller than most books so, page count goes up due to that). It is written very simply and gets points across very well, easy for kids to digest. So, what about that? Well, I think its common knowledge to many fans of this series who likely explored similar books (Warrior Cats, Wings of Fire, etc) that it shouldn’t be a surprise that GoG is “dark”, as many animal fiction books tackle death, murder, violence much more than if they were to contain humans.  However, I am not here to analyze that- i see no reason in making a big deal in that when there are some reason good things to say about the series that isn’t just “ooo so much violence and blood”. Let’s talk about loss. Losing someone is common in this series with all the death- though not everyone focuses on the loss characters feel.  But this series tackles loss and parents...a lot, and in even more than just Soren and Eglantine- Gylfie, Twilight, Digger and Coryn all share different version of losing a parent and how they move on from it. Lets talk about that!

[ at the moment of writing I have re-read up to book 1-8 and will only refer to them because they are most clear in my memory. i may update this when I read the rest. ]

SPOILERS AHEAD

In the beginning of the series, our main character for books 1-6, Soren, is pushed from his nest and taken away by some owls that bring him to an “orphanage”. Of course, he is not an orphan really, he has been kidnapped. Soren starts with urges to see his parents again, but with the task at hand he and his friends need to find help above all and Gylfie later encourages the fact that it would likely be very hard to find his parents because they may have left and Soren is unlikely to have any ideas where his hollow was. Aside from Soren, Gylfie does seem to miss her parents too, and while they do in fact search for them because they happen to be flying through her homeland, she also seemed realize that it would be really hard finding her nest again within the vast desert and so they move on from it. Soren and Gylfie are in similar situations, but they viewed the detachment from their parent’s differently at the start- Soren feels from his gut and Gylfie thinks from logic. 

Along the way they meet Twilight who has a different angle on losing parents- he lost them so young and was forced to lead an orphan life so early that he did not have much of an attachment to them, as many other animals took him in. He lost his parents, but due to how he grew on his own, he did not find him attached to them or missing them later on and often doesn’t think of death too seriously. “Dead is dead” as he has said a few times through the books. This isn’t a bad thing, its just a different way of dealing with it. Digger is eventually added to the group as well- another orphaned owl who lost his parents. Digger’s parents were killed while he still lived in his nest, and he ran away aimlessly in the desert to escape. Another very different scenario, and while it may seem at first that he doesn’t address the loss much- I think he very well does when speaking his philosophical words about death. He has often gotten angry with Twilight’s comment of “dead is dead” or similar, and recognizes how its important to feel something for the dead. While we don’t hear many direct words from him about his own parents, I think this gives some good insight to how he feels, he thinks emotionally but has great personal insight on how to view or release those emotions.

Eventually through the books Soren faces more feelings regarding the loss of his parents- like meeting their ghosts, knowing they were killed, and finally seeing his parents’ ghosts leave the world after fufilling their last duty. All of those things led to more steps in how Soren, as well as his sister, dealt with loss. Soren seems to “move on” better than Egalnatine. Soren, having gone through what he has, is emotionally much stronger and while he feels sadness, and bottles up his first feelings, he is able to accept what has happened and fufill what his parents’ ghosts ask of him.  On the other hand, Eglantine really suffers with denial. She is emotionally weak due to her trauma (a clear opposite of Soren’s results) and struggles to accept her parents are dead mostly after knowing Soren saw their ghosts. So much so, that she is brainwashed into thinking her mother is alive! She feels intense sadness beforehand and even after breaking out of her daze from the brainwashing, seems to maybe finally be realizing the reality. Eglantine fully accepts this after she and Soren both watch their parent’s ghosts leave Earth. 

There are other minor moments of greif and loss mentioned but all these in books 1-6 tackling main characters’ views on losing their parents is incredibly powerful and a very important topic to children... Ir makes my heart flutter reading each different character take on loss and it amazes me this was such a huge thing in the series. But we aren’t done yet! Let’s talk about Coryn.

You may think I am talking about Kludd as the parent Coryn lost even though he didn’t know him, but no, we are talking about Nyra. And I am referring to the events in book 7-8.  Coryn grew up with a horribly abusive, narcissistic mother- Nyra. She was cruel, toxic, manipulative. Coryn escaped when he started to realize what was wrong with the Pure Ones, and that he did not have it in him to become an awful owl like her or his father. Coryn did in fact “lose” his parents...he decided to move on from the trauma and abuse by telling himself had no parents. Book 8, chapter 1 at the very end: “...The egg that held me came from the body of my mother, but I am not my mother’s son, nor my father’s [...] I reject all that they were. I have no parents.” This is a different take than the earlier ones, but I would strongly argue that Coryn has also faced loss of parents like the rest of the main cast in books 1 to 6- its just mental, psychological. And this is a very important version of loss to discuss, as it shows death isn’t the only thing that makes you lose someone. Coryn suffered mentally after this still, as he did feel directionless and yearned for a real mother. Coryn dealt with a different kind of grief, over that of living the life under an abusive parent. The way he moved on is not much different from accepting the death of a parent like the rest of the cast above.

So this is what I had to say really. I wanted to ramble about this ever since thinking about the theme of loss and parents in the first 6 books, and it hit me even harder with Coryn too- because it was a different kind of parent loss to tackle as it didn’t fit the category of a parent dying.  GoG deals with other topics as well and I think theyre all well done with the book length it has. The author captures emotions and thoughts very clearly and opening up such emotional topics about death to children is never a bad thing, I really appreciate it.

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[irkenheretic]

okay i promised id do it and im doing it: Explaining The Plot Of That AU I’m Vague About: The Post

(as i was preparing to write this i actually got my 250th follower, which slapped)

so i’m just gonna start with the simple version, which is this: it’s a rebel AU which primarily centers around the tallest, who are both defective. they give up on trying to make any meaningful changes as figureheads, and instead direct their attention to being involved with the “neo defect revolution,” or NDR. they do manage to make one change as tallest- there is a garbage dump planet turned into a sanctuary for defectives (who in this au are executed once discovered,) and eventually enough of the populace finds out about it that the tallest have to deal with it. they finesse their way into kicking it out of the empire, so now it’s its own planet with its own rules, governments, and most importantly, immigration policies and protections

a lot of stuff happens and it’s gonna be structured using arcs, and each arc has a separate protagonist/deuteragonist/tritagonist lineup (but that doesnt mean the same lineup won’t be used multiple times!) and yes the insane list of OCs are for this au alone: some arcs are very OC-centric, some have OCs as supporting characters, and a couple are all-OC or mostly-OC. 

its going to be very longform and it’ll span from the tallest’s elite training days to twenty years after zim arrives on earth. (the 20 year gap btwn zim arriving on earth and the story proper isnt as tightly plotted as later tho.) the point is to see how a revolution on the scale of the NDR works, who was fucked over by defact laws, who was fucked over by other laws, etc. theres a lot of lore and a lot of headcanons i made for this AU and even a conlang. i am a being of hubris. itll be a series of fics, some multichapter and some oneshots. 

the series as a whole is gonna be called Invader Zim: Annexed or just Annexed for short. its a pun on an irken word that sounds similar but means the exact opposite. i am not explaining more bc itll be explained in the fic itself. but thats why the tag for it is #anx lmao

i didnt mean for this to be as long as it got but under the cut im gonna breakdown some of the early arcs:

so it all starts with a fanfic called Love Is The H-Word (no the “h-word” isn’t “hell.) it centers around red and purple as elites-in-training, who do a little whoopsie and have an egg. purple doesnt wanna smuggle it into a smeetery, bc then he’ll never see it again, so they go to the defect sanctuary (still a part of the empire at this point.) purple knows he’s defective while red has a hard time accepting that he is as well, due to events from his past. but being around all these other defects are starting to wear down his denial, and the fic is all about that. it also sets up some plot stuff, like how defects adopted a self-identifier in the word “heretic,” hence the sanctuary being named, “heretirk.” (hey look my url!) (no, the “h-word” is not heretic, either.) 

i dont wanna say what happens in that fic bc spoilers, but stuff Happens. its also when we meet some ocs that end up being important, and the existence of others are foreshadowed. this is also where we meet the tallests’ future advisor, rarl kove, for the first time, as a local who decides to keep them company. purple bonds with kove due to their shared interest in politics, while red reluctantly bonds with titch, a young irken (a smeet in heretirken standards, an adult in imperial standards- did i mention he and red are roughly the same age? lol) who is interested in military stuff and thrill-seeking and general destruction. titch is pissed because he claims his father is stealthing on devastis as a military commander, but won’t let titch sneak in as a soldier, as titch is deaf. 

(fun facts: in the au, “titch” is regional slang for “a little bit.” ironically, titch the character is above-average in height.)

due to titch’s deafness, he developed “gesturespeak,” irken sign language, so he can communicate. this existing becomes important later

a oneshot called invade the system is right after h-word in publishing order. it details zim’s exploits in leaving foodcourtia, where he was assigned and infiltrating the invading academy he eventually graduates from (in this au, zim is too short to be an invader, which sucks because the hight minimums for the military are really short to begin with lmao)

the fic chronoligically after H-Word focuses on red and purple being back in their platoon on devastis, specifically red navigating his training and his relationships with two defective platoonmates, pon and zi (who are in h-word a little,) after the realization that he too is defective. it also focuses on how the irken military works, and how they train their soldiers. 

the first arc overall focuses on red and purple going thru training and such, and ends after they graduate and are on the field, working to get commander rank. (they planned to gain commander rank then leave and go back to heretirk to train an army there, as heretirk has.... no army.) in the middle of this, they’re pulled out and told they are to become the next tallest. they debate over staying and taking the job or just running to heretirk, and they ultimately decide to stay.

the next arc i call the “bridge,” tbh. its less tightly plotted than the other arcs; fics are spread apart from each other chronologically and all that. it spans the time after the tallest being appointed to a little after zim arrives on earth. it also has a couple of anthologies focusing on imperial defects- each chapter is a new character. these guys are all important and the easiest way for me to introduce their backstories without cluttering everything up is anthology style, lmao. other things that happen are a look into how the tallest work, eventually culminating with the resolution of the tallest having to Deal With Heretirk, tenn’s rescue from meekrob, and zim on earth obtaining a half-irken smeet named pip due to stealing an Unethical Science Experiment from dib (which is pip.) the bridge is basically just. “heres some stuff that happens between point A and point B so when we get to point B you’re not confused as all hell.” 

the next arc focuses on zim. in the first fic, pip is sick and zim is trying to get into his neighbor’s pants, to cope. this basically sets up that zim in this au has no idea how to find personal fulfillment in living- he’s only OK if he focuses on pleasing someone else, be it taking care of pip or doting on the neighbor, some rando human named piqu (pronounced, “peek.”) this is mainly a cute romance story with the underlying veneer of “a child is slowly and painfully dying” in the background. fun! 

without spoiling the circumstances, zim and pip end up on heretirk, which at this point is its own independent planet. pip is in the hospital for most of it so zim has to do his own thing. computer fans rejoice bc hes basically zims dad at this point, who tells him to go outside and get some fresh air and talk to the locals instead of schmooping or screaming in anxiety. im sneakily introducing more characters like ini, the “next-gen zim;” a short bio-engineer (she works on PAKs) who was constantly passed over by everyone because they dont trust someone that short or they dont trust someone that spazzy, even though shes actually brilliant. also her brother mo, who’s a pilot that NOBODY will teach military-class ships to (at this point, HTK has a population of ex-military that had their old ships, but still no formal army) because he doesnt talk and they think hes “slow” as a result. for the curious, he is physically able to talk most times, he just doesnt like it. zim ends up teaching him how to fly military-class which ends up being important laterrr

(haha ini and mo. wheres meenie and minie? ILL GET TO THEM)

no really, theyre quadruplets. named ini, myni, minie, and mo. these are real characters. 

minie isnt introduced till later. shes too cool to be the side character in someone elses arc. she is feel uncomfortable when we are not about her.

myni is busy palling around with pip and pip’s friend “elly” (real name elevenn, with two N’s.) elly is a half-meekrob War Crime Baby and tenn’s smeet. he has vision problems (he can “see” energy signatures of things, as opposed to conventional sight. everything is monochrome and he has to really focus to see like, words on a paper. also fuck tablets) but the trade-up is telekinetic powers (that he cant use too much or his brain will melt. fun!) this isnt relevant until the arc AFTER zim’s, where they end up poking around a historical site due to myni’s interest in that kind of thing, and they find logs of an old revolution (that was actually pretty successful in their goal, before they were caught and executed,) that lead them to a man named lefy. he helps with revolutions and helped these guys, and the trio go to seek him out; myni because he wants to impress his parents with helping them, pip because after they’ve recovered enough to walk around and do stuff, feel like they need to justify the choice to save their life and make their dad proud and all that, elly because he doesnt want pip to get hurt and die. And thats where the stuff REALLY starts happening and i cant tell u more sorry

this seemed kind of disjointed but thats bc i cant really be too detailed otherwise id like.... spoil it lmfao. but thats the summary of the first few arcs.

[inosukeslefttoe]

in my english class we have a project to make a TED talk about the theme of a book we just finished reading (i chose to read Frankenstein), and i wanted to jot down some of my ideas here before i start formulating my actual project

im never super good with picking up on themes, especially in books, since it takes all my concentration to read books in the first place hehe but i actually picked up on one in frankenstein !! 

so throughout the book, even in the opening letter, theres just this aura of loneliness and every character we get to hear a story from is so lonely and just yearning for companionship and solace... the guy at the beginning (robert walton i think) writes to his sister how he longs for a friend to really connect with. victor mourns the loss of his mother in solitude and longs to not be lonely without her in his life. and the monster is obviously the most lonely creature since he has no one similar to himself in the world. so i was like ayo lonliness as a theme i can totally vibe with that

BUT then when i was reading the chapters that were narrated by the monster, i was like ... damn this is so fuckin sad homie ?? hes literally just a human he got the same emotions and needs as everyone else,, hes just got a lil flavor right ?? and so i started picking up more on the idea of,, what exactly defines a human ?? what makes the distinction btwn human and monster ?? like yeah the monster wasnt born of natural means and his body like,, isnt technically human,, but his soul and consciousness totally are !! he finds this beauty and gentleness in life that he adores and wants to protect !! hes so selfless and shares his only resources to survive with others (firewood, food) in order to ensure their survival !! he finds solace in nature and uses it as a way to reflect his own emotions !! he appreciates the arts and goes a journey to possess knowledge !! he feels grief and despair and he mourns !! hes empathetic and is able to share the feelings of those around him whether it be happy or sad !! the only thing he really wants is for others to see him and recognize him as one of their own and accept him as their companion !! hes literally.... JUST A PERSON but not ?? and its so damn unfair that hes out here protecting these people for a year and they even refer to him as a “kind spirit that must be watching over them” ,,, only to try and kill him upon sight ?? same with the lil girl he saved from drowing right ?? ppl only hate him bc hes different and scary lookin and yknow,, not born from conventional ways ,,, but imo,, that rlly doesnt make him any less “”human”” than anyone else in the book.

and thats ANOTHER point i wanna make,,, like if anything i feel like victor is even less human than his monster... like yeah at first hes fine but by the end of the book hes just,,, not even living anymore yknow hes just dedicating his life to the death of someone with no real motive but revenge. hes stopped using nature as a way to reflect his feelings, hes stopped feeling empathy for anyone other than the ppl that already died (and even then i feel like his empathy has sort of been twisted in a selfish sort of superficial way where hes only using them to fuel his hate and vengeful spirit), he cast away his love and appreciation for the gentleness and beauty of life and instead becomes cynical and driven by hate,,, he just does all this shit thats sorta like damn whos really the monster at this point yknow ?? OH i guess another point i could make here is that the action of creating life in the first place,, is kinda stepping out of the boundaries of humanity and trying to reach more of a godlike position /? so even with that action, victor was already starting to stray from being human. although i do admit that ambition is a huge part of being human... victors was a little too much you feel ??

i guess ill briefly touch on the ambition i saw in each character throughout the book since that could be another theme i could use and since i brought it up... uhh so obviously first is victor who is the most ambitious character we meet in the book and his goal was to find the secret to life and become a godlike figure who could create living beings. and he suceeded with his monster !! but then yknow as like o shit i messed up gotta go byYYYEEE !! next up we have the monster who at first isnt rlly all that ambitous he just,, wants to survive. but as he survives and learns about the world he realizes that he doesnt want to be alone and so thats where he gets his ambition : he wants to learn and speak the language and understand governments and hold eloquent conversations and bond with others and have companions. and that also,,, doesnt work too well for him lmao. the last major example is of our other lad, robert walton. im pretty sure he was on some long boat journey to ?? the north pole?? but it was the kind of journey you cant turn back from and you just GOTTA GET THERE and this man was determined to do just that. 

i looked up some other themes and theyre things like “expression through nature”, “solitude”, “ambition”, “creation”, “injustice”, “balance” and “revenge”... but i think that in some way these all sort of go back to my original point of the line between human and monster/ what it means to be human...

if anyone actually sees/reads this, id love feeback lmao bc i have no clue how to do this project :))

12/09/20

[uniformbravo]

natsuyuu movie.....................................

cries in love,

fuck it's been SO long since i last watched a natsuyuu & i miss it SO much fuck i love this show im gonna pass out

sees my SON on the screen being kind to youkai agkajgsdgk djfkd natsume "im not worried ABOUT sensei im just making sure he isnt getting into trouble anyway time to scour the woods" like gjksJGSDHSDJG i fucking cry when hthey w gjj WORRIEd about each other,,,,,,,,,,,,, there were scraps in this episode & i gobbled them the FUCK up oh my fuckin god,

like first we have natsume worried that sensei hasn't come home in a few days so he goes out lookin for him, THEN later in the ep natsume gets attacked by a youkai that threatens to eat him, he hears sensei a little ways off and calls for help- before help can arrive he falls into a hole & knocks out for a bit but at the END of the episode it's implied that sensei ate the fuckin youkai that threatened natsume and i just!!!!!! coulda been like welp crisis averted no harm no foul but NOPE this bitch tried to eat my SON i mean my WIMPY LOSER HUMAN bottoms FUCKING UP godD

& then that fucking oh my god. when natsume & the ishiokoshi are walkin thru that underground tunnel & natsumes like "ahh it's so pretty.... if only sensei were here to see it too" LIKE ok bitch u wanna share these special moments w sensei ok i se i see AND THEN as if THAT weren't enough already the fucking gut punch at the end when natsume says to sensei "actually let's take the underground tunnel back, i think you'll like it" I FUCKIGN literally i was holding it together just fine for the majority of the ep bUT WHEN HE SAID THAT I LOST COMPOSURE LGKJDKFJSKDGKD "shut the fuck upppPPPPPPPPP AAAAAAAA" <--- me irl when natsume said that

it just fuckin destroys me HE WANTED TO SHOW THE PRETTY SCENERY TO SENSEI......... FUCK im not okay

so ep 1 was great

and ok ep 1 was a natsume/youkai episode, i love those, v natsume centric which is always a plus, but then ep 2 slid right in to remind me that YO THIS THING HAS OTHER CHARACTERS who i love and adore NISHIMURA & KITAMOTO WERE IN IT 💖💕❤️💕💕❤️💖💖❤️

and it was a tanuma centric episode!!!! with youkai!!! seriously good shit hello fucking HELLO tanuma's insecurity & quiet jealousy over natsume's spiritual abilities fuckin GET ME BRO 👌👌😩💯 boy just wants to feel special & important & useful like his very special & important friend natsume & just god. the fact that this was potentially a dangerous situation for him but he STILL went ahead with it because he wanted to be included for once and like, feeling like the world of youkai was interested in /him/ specifically and the subsequent disappointment when it was never really about him just ahhhhhhhh tanuma please i cant take it u are SO special & important i PROMISE

also natsume worrying over tanuma the whole time aaaahhhhh he's so protective over his friends fucking kill me LIKE literally just. that moment when he asks misuzu straight up if he's a youkai in front of tanuma & misuzu's like hehe yea & natsume is just like no bullshit straight to the point if u hurt tanuma in any way shape or form we are gonna have HANDS between us like. idk there's something about the fact that natsume is SO well versed in how to talk to & deal with youkai at this point, there's this wild juxtaposition between how polite & respectful tanuma treats misuzu and how firm and intimidating natsume has to be that is just.,,. kisses fingers so good

like it's another way to contrast the two of their worlds, how removed tanuma is from youkai vs how familiar and versed natsume is with them, but it's also just like. idk i like those kinds of situations where one person is like Talking Business while their friend or whoever is watching like Woah Damn u know?? like there was a similar thing ascendance of a bookworm in the s1 special, where myne's family sees her negotiating business with benio & theyre like holy shit this is intense i never knew myne could talk like this- it’s like that sorta thing

like obvs it's not the first time tanuma has seen natsume interact with youkai but like, tanuma had been pretty convinced misuzu was just a normal human so i feel like it's even more striking to see natsume, who is always so polite and reserved around people, to suddenly come on so strongly against misuzu.... i just really like looking at the interaction from tanuma's point of view and feeling like u know, tanuma got to see a side of natsume he wasn't expecting. like he's learning a little more about him, getting closer in a way. idk it's just really appealing to me

also one last thing, there’s that small moment when tanuma's saying he wants to continue talking with misuzu and natsume starts to argue against it but stops because he realizes that how he (natsume) is feeling must be exactly how natori feels whenever natsume wants to rush into dangerous situations, like. just taking that step back & relenting with the resolve to protect tanuma, that was a really good moment!! obviously his concerns were more than valid but taking a second to realize that on some level he's felt the exact same way as tanuma does now on many occasions and relenting, deliberately trying to not control him, it all just felt really good to see, like it was a small bit of character development right there. Love that shit

(sidenote i really love misuzu's human design tbh like JUST the right amt of unassuming vs "something feels off"ness, plus appealing design w the purple hair like hello. i like the it)

so anyway!! i hesitate to call it a movie but u know. good movie!!! i really enjoyed these two eps and i loved seeing my fucking BOY again, these two eps were just the right mix of everything i love about this show to remind me that HEY it's still my god damn favorite anime!!! and i gotta get back into it!! i gotta read the fuckin manga man oh my godddd. lies on the floor i love natsuyuu so much