#cis and unthreatening)

[rottenhellion]

I suspect Mattyboy's gonna try to sell the site again and that's why he's cracking down on ""undesirables"" and thier wrongbad usernames and bodies and lives in a last gasp for that sweet sweet advertiser cock and that him threatening to "sayonara you weeaboo shits" the site when he gets back is some kind of idiotic foreshadowing attempt

[plumsilk]

👍 examining how to overcome the transgender fear of being comfortable expressing physical touch

[genderkoolaid]

tbh my opinion isnt so much that trans men cannot have male privilege. its that the way we understand male privilege is based in cis women, specifically otherwise privileged (esp. otherwise-gendered privilege, i.e gender-conforming/straight/perisex) cis women's understanding of gender as something static and inherent to who you are, rather than something fluid which is, in part, constructed by society and placed onto you separately in every moment.

can a trans man experience (cis) male privilege? yes. can a trans woman? yes. and so can a cis woman! hell, a femme perisex cis woman with a gender neutral name could if she's assumed to be a cis man on a resume. male privilege is not an on/off switch. the idea that it is stems from cissexist understandings of male/female as entirely separate and static categories which everyone can and must be understood through. trans people in feminism are expected to constantly defend and deflect accusations of being Privileged Male Oppressors by promising cis perisex women that our experiences are just like theirs! we don't have any scary opinions that don't align with their worldview! we swear we won't ever make them have to reflect on how being cis+perisex has biased them and potentially made their analysis of gender at all inaccurate! trans experiences are only considered valuable to cisfeminism to the extent that they reaffirm what cisfeminists already hold true. thats why they only ever want to talk about a very simplistic narrative around wages pre/post-transition. its extremely unthreatening to cis people because it presents transness in patriarchy as just going from one cis role to another; it doesn't ask cis feminists to expand their paradigm to include the ways in which trans people are treated as a class and their own complicity in transphobic oppression.

which is why trans men have been getting fucked over by trans-affirmng cisfeminism. because by virtue of having our gender acknowledged, we are expected to forfeit our place in the feminist movement and adopt the role of outsider along cis men*. and its also why trans women and MTX people get fucked over the minute they cannot or refuse to describe their experiences through the one or two approved narratives. cisfeminism cannot tolerate transness-as-transness. it has to be compressed and reduced and diluted into something that fits within a cis-centric framework. we aren't allowed to have nuanced and intersectional conversations about trans men & other trans folks relationship with male privilege, the things we have to sacrifice to there, how fleeting it can be, the fact that for some of us being read as "biologically male" is actively more dangerous than being read as female... if it isn't familiar to cis women, then it means you aren't really oppressed.

*cis men should not be outsiders in feminism either btw but thats another post

[lelianasbong]

oh boy, a decade-old terrible take just got even worse. "sera/taash is bad lesbian/enby rep because they're abrasive. queer people in media should be Unthreatening Witty Cis Gay Men (Who Talk About Boys With Me 🥰)"

[olderthannetfic]

tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/775776774680428544/the-transandrophobic-bigots-on-here-i-feel-like-a?source=share

agreed in every point except on one, and i find it interesting that no one dares to mention it: at least a substantial amount of the people who make these sort of posts or give it notes are trans women, so yes, i do reckon they care about trans women.

it's just done in a way that assumes that trans men have a direct hand in their oppression by having different experiences and that this somehow is "less bad" of a nerf than what they got going on.

mix that in with radical feminism (and it doesn't matter that radical feminism is inherently inseparable from transphobia and esp transmisogyny, it's just like how poor people will vote for fascists bc they gave them a scapegoat) and you get the exact sentiment out and proud terfs got about trans men being pitiful traitors to (cis) womanhood except that trans men have actively chosen to be oppressors AND they also wanna be able to bounce back on being a smol bean or the guy from that tweet who taunts tall jacked guys and then goes "im just a little guy, and it's my birthday too!". male socialisation is fake and if you subscribe to it, you are a transmisogynist but cis female socialisation is 100% real and no trans men or "theyfab" (urgh @ this word...) will ever be able to lay it off bc while they chose masculinity as a bigoted cloak of protection, they're still stupid impressionable little girls who will grow into Karens, if they already aren't

some extreme points I've seen so far with this sentiment are that trans men (who btw are all white and at the end of the day racist. there are no trans men of colour and there are also no trans men elsewhere besides the west) are more prone to supporting fascism while also harping upon how the same fascists wanna kill them and that they are naturally unthreatening as platforms will ban trans women to make it clean and marketable but leave trans men there. which sucks! for obvious reasons!!! but jesus christ, this is just being out of touch with reality beyond the internet

tumblr likes to think that some people are inherently immune to being bigots in another direction or to general assholism, but suffering doesn't make you noble. not that it is about noble -it's about kicking down at an acceptable target

--

[chicknstripz]

∘₊✧ [[ Dust Motes ]] ✧₊∘

Pairing ||  Captain Fordo X OFC Word count || 2168 Warnings || Separation anxiety, Anger, Bitterness, One grumpy Alpha ARC, Thorn being a menace Overview || Fordo gets his first day on the beat, unfortunately it's anything but productive Chapters || [1][2]

Fordo watches yet another stylus disappear up Thorn’s vambrace, the secretive action drawing a sigh of agitation from the ARC.

“Why are we here again?”

Thorn tilts his head, the light of an off-yellow panel turning the red of his paint near orange.

“Surveillance of suspect citizens”

Suspect citizens? Has Thorn lost the entire plot? As far as he could see there was nothing suspect going on, unless you counted that amorous couple getting up to no good on the display bed. Kriff! Fordo is sure their shebs will be emblazoned in his mind until the end of time, the tick of his brow worsened by the woman’s laughter as a frazzled manager bans them for life.

“And that involves petty theft, how exactly?”

His companion appears unconcerned, his modulator catching the amused huff that escapes his lips. Of all the brothers he could have been paired with, it had to be Thorn! The commander’s complete lack of protocol rubbed him the wrong way, from the moment he’d met him this morning right up till now. Or maybe he was just in a bad mood? Whatever the case he wasn’t happy with this whole ‘wandering the department store’ looking for ‘suspect citizens’ thing, his thumb tucking into his belt as he watches his brother navigate yet another isle.

“Relax vod, they’re free to take.”

He bites back the sharp retort that’s sitting on his tongue, his eyes dropping to a couch that’s filled to the brim with cushions.

“How am I supposed to relax when I know the war’s heating up?”

Thorn, to his credit, doesn’t react to his unexpected outburst. He stares dead ahead as he walks, the set of his shoulders relaxed as he leads the way toward the back of the store. The space is fairly large, the cavernous ceiling bouncing both light and sound in a sickening way, and Fordo wonders what’s worse. Standing in the middle of this acoustic nightmare, or standing in no man’s land, the unease making him bristle as he brushes past a group of scowling teens.

“The front lines aren’t the only place where the war is heating up ....”

“That’s not what I meant!”

Thorn grips him by the shoulder before he can stride out of reach, and if Fordo hadn’t been so frustrated he’d have been impressed by the shorter soldier’s ability to keep him in place.

“I know what you meant!”

The grip loosens as Thorn realizes two things. One, that Fordo is much broader than he is around the torso, and two, his sturdy frame is packed with dense muscle. Which isn’t to say that Thorn would lose the fight if Fordo decided to start one, it’s just that he knows he’ll come out the worst for it if he does, his palms held outward in a soothing gesture.

“I’d be just as miserable as you if I was separated from the rest of my batch.”

They might have different genetics, might have been trained for different things, but if there was one thing they both understood it was the bond of brotherhood. Thorn keeps his body language loose and unthreatening, watching a group of civvies as they skirt past them. He doesn’t think any of them will cause problems, but you could never be too careful in this day and age.

“I can set up a frequency for you, make sure you and your brothers get a chance to talk --”

“Thanks, but no thanks.”

The longer the range of the com, the higher the chance of it being intercepted by the CIS, and Fordo wasn’t about to risk the lives of his vode for the sake of idle chatter.

“But --”

Fordo stepped away before Thorn could press the issue further, the edge of his pauldron hitting a civilian as he did so. Kriff! He was built to be more aware than this, his special awareness honed to perfection by hours of training, and he’s not sure what’s worse. Being highly aware that he’s not performing to expected standards, or that he’s forgotten his manners - his voice tight as he crouches down to gather the items the civvie dropped.

“Kriff! Sorry! I --”

He trails off, caught completely unawares by the soft curves of the civilian. Fordo wasn’t an idiot, he knew what a woman looked like, but this was the first time he’d been this close to one. She was shorter than him, the crown of her head barely reaching his shoulder as he stood upright with an armful of plastoid mugs. The wave of her golden hair fascinated him, the shade both richer and warmer than the pale blonde of his brethren Rex. As did the way it framed her face, the soft bangs and wayward strands complimenting the line of her worried brows.

“I didn’t hurt you did I? For Kriff's sake, how can you possibly hurt him Sella. He’s wearing plastoid!”

Her rambling was, and he hated to admit it, kind of cute. The rise and fall of her inner-rim accent making his head spin as he blurted a correction to her statement.

“Duraplast ma’am”

She blinked in confusion, drawing attention to her bright green irises, and Fordo (once again) found himself fascinated by just how different she was to his vode.

“I didn’t know they issued that kind of rig to the guard?”

“My ori’vod is special, top of the range! Right vod?”

The familiarity in Thorn’s voice led Fordo to believe they knew one another, the sly slope of his brother’s brow all but confirming his suspicions as he shouldered his arm.

“Right.”

He tried to keep his tone neutral - he really did, but the sharp edge of discomfort creeped in despite his best efforts. It was one thing to know you were different from your vode, another to hear them proudly announce it to all and sundry. He shifts his weight as he examines Thorn’s armor out the corner of his eyes, noting the differences in weight and style as he did so. He wanted Thorn to be angry at him. Wanted him to be pissed that he’d been issued with better gear! But he wasn’t. He just gave him the same respect as anyone else, the tilt of his helmet as aggravating as it was assuring.

“So what are you up to? Beside the usual?”

“Can’t say ma’am, it’s classified!”

She gives Thorn a knowing look, her eyes briefly dropping to his vambrace.

“I see. Decorating Fox’s office again?”

Thorn makes a sound of mock hurt, one hand flying to the center of his cuirass/

“Who? Me?”

She shakes her head at his denial, her hair dancing about her shoulders as she retrieves her mugs from Fordo’s arms.

“Don’t let this idiot get into too much trouble, he only just got off ‘fresher duty.”

“How do you know him ma’am?”

Her laughter is like a bird song, the sound lifting his soul as she stacks the mugs along the curve of her arm.

“He’s one of our best slash worst customers”

“Am not!”

“Uh-huh, tell that to the senate. I run the café three floors down from the barracks, you should pop by some time.”

Fordo isn’t sure what to make of her wink, the motion causing a dimple to appear in her right cheek. Nor is he sure if he’ll take up her invitation. He’s got better things to do than hang out in a café doing -- well -- whatever civvies do in cafés.

“You too. It’s been awhile since we last saw you.”

“Sorry mesh’la. Things have been busy.”

Fordo isn’t sure why Thorn’s endearment rankles him. He’s heard plenty of his vode call a woman beautiful. Perhaps it’s just the setting? Yeah! That has to be it! He grits his teeth as she adds the final mug to her stack, the one handed grip impressing him as she takes a step back.

“Politicians giving you trouble again?”

“When don’t they?”

She laughs again, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she slips between them.

“I’ll make sure to add a token of my appreciation the next time they make an order.”

Fordo frowns as she takes her leave, the unsettled feeling morphing to a deep concern for her welfare.

“She’s going to get herself fired, or worse, arrested.”

Thorn appears less than concerned, the relaxed slope of his shoulders adding to Fordo’s list of things he hates about coruscant.

“Won’t be the first time.”

Fordo closed his eyes and counted to ten, the muscles in the back of his neck protesting as he replayed Thorn’s words.

“And let me guess, you bailed her out?”

“Of course we did! It’s better than dealing with Fox if he has to brew his own caff!”

He adds a further count of ten, but it does little to settle the churn in his gut. He’s used to troopers following the rules. Used to a certain sense of order, and this? This isn’t it. What's worse is that Thorn seems to think he’ll get used to it. The things he says? The way he looks at him. It all says ‘just give it time’, the sly smile that curls his lips making him feel adrift in a stormy sea. He tries to lean into it, tries to relax, but it feels all wrong and he suspects it always will - the chatter of the citizens adding to his disconnect.

“You’ll end up getting decommissioned if the long-necks find out.”

“As if they give a flying mynark what goes on in the inner core.”

He supposes that’s true, but he can’t help but feel like Thorn is punching a one-way ticket to whatever facility the Kaminoans sent defective clones to.

“You’ll be surprised what they can find out if they put their minds to it ...”

“What? You've been sent to spy on us vod?”

Fordo holds up his hands, offended by the very suggestion that he’d work for a Kaminoan.

“Kriff no! But I wouldn’t put it past them planting some mind washed souls amongst suspected dissidents.”

Fordo had met plenty of clones like that, and had despaired at how easy they found it to report their questioning vode to the kaminoans. He didn’t entirely blame them for it, especially when it earned praise and accolades from the Kaminoans, but he had kind of hoped there’d be more loyalty among brothers. He bit his lip as they slipped out the store and into the street, the neon lights giving the city a dystopian air that matched his mood. Something smells rotten, and it wasn’t just the Kaminoans adding to that particular stench - he could feel it!

“Wouldn’t put it past the chancellor either.”

“Now who’s asking for a decommissioning?”

“Just saying it how I see it, and I���ve certainly seen a lot in this year’s records. What? Don’t look at me like that. You might not be special ops but you’d still put the hours in if you found yourself transferred to a new post.”

Thorn’s face shifts, half knowing acceptance of Fordo’s observation, and half discomfort at his boss's reputation being questioned.

“He’s just doing the best he can ...”

“By shipping a Zillo beast to triple-zero? I know that politicians can be short sighted at times, but that? That takes the Uj.”

The two men drift into silence, each processing what the other had said as they walked along the street. Fordo can’t help but think of Sella, of how scared she must have been as the Zillo beast ran riot, of how she must have tried so hard to find shelter. Palpatine hadn’t cared about her, hadn’t given a single thought to what could happen if the beast escaped. Maker, what was he even doing with it in the first place? You didn’t just bring ‘invincible’ creatures to the most populous city in the galaxy without having a reason.

If he was paid for his opinion he’d say the chancellor and the Kaminoans were in cahoots, but he wasn’t being paid, and he hadn’t been asked - so he pushed the traitorous thought to the back of his mind.

“All I’m saying is that we should have eyes in the backs of our heads.”

“When they said you Alphas were paranoid they certainly meant it.”

Fordo took that as a compliment, but only because he’d taken being overly paranoid over being stone cold dead.

“Better to be paranoid then caught with your kute down. Talking of which, I might have a way to sniff out those pesky little terrorists.”

“Oh? Prey tell”

“Only once I’ve ironed out the specifics, my contacts are not always co-operative when it comes to sharing tech.”

He wasn’t looking forward to negotiating with Jaing, but he’d rather have the ability to map out the whole terrorist network in one go then do months of detective work. He closes his eyes, tilts back his head, and wonders if he should take Sella up on her offer because right now he could do with a mug of steaming hot caff.

[unpredictablestuff]

Devon Price after describing things I feel that I can't describe

I might be gender fluid? I have a kid who is and what they say kind of sounds familiar. But I'm basically cisgender. I just call myself gender nonconforming.

In the early 90s gender quizzes were a thing. You took them to find out how masculine or feminine you were. I ended up smack dab in the middle and I hated it. I did one of those quizzes with my girlfriend, saw the results, instantly reacted with frustration, and then groaned internally because my reaction had violated masculinity rules and I was somehow proving the point of the questionnaire.

I grew a moustache and a friend (Portuguese because no American would ever say it) asked if I did it to look more manly. And I was just quiet because I'd been found out.

I read an interview with a woman close to my age who said she might be gender fluid but wasn't interested in gender-neutral pronouns because she'd spent so much time defending her gender, her right to be seen as female. And I knew exactly what she meant but from the other side.

Sometimes I even chuckle at the people who I used to have to defend my gender from, because now they're forced to defend mine by saying if it says Male on your birth certificate you're a man. But they don't get the joke and keep on going after men who aren't manly enough at the same time as they swear trans women are fully men. Oh well, it's funny to me.

I don't really care what pronouns you use for me now and I even have that on some of my email signatures at work (because I want to help make it normal to have pronouns but I also don't care), but given the way I look at this stage of life it's pretty safe for me to say that. No one's calling me she or ma'am.

These days no one questions my gender no matter how much I smile or offer to help at parties, no matter how many feminine traits I adopt. It's a good social experiment to see how people react to a man who does feminine things without appearing to be feminine (it's mixed). And I'm fully male no matter how much I raise my voice to appear unthreatening. But if I suddenly drop it to its natural range, boy do people notice and can react like I hit them. Which is not fun for me.

Trying to be unthreatening dominates my life in the real world. I'm one of the autistic men who has to keep his eyebrows raised almost constantly to keep people from thinking I'm angry. One time I went to the grocery store and decided I was just going to walk around with a relaxed face. I'm not doing that again.

There's no question that there are aspects of my life that would go better if I was a woman. My job, for instance. Until people found out I was amab. Then it would be worse. Way, way worse.

So I can't really say "Oh this is something cis men can feel." Because am I really cisgender? But I also can't say it's not a thing cis men can feel. Because am I really not cisgender? And there's no way of knowing how many men feel this way because the first rule about being a cis man is not talking about how it feels to be a cis man.

But I'll do it because I don't like gender rules. And like I said, these days there's absolutely nothing I can do to come across as feminine. People might look down on me for it. But they look down on a man. I can break all the gender rules I want to.

And I definitely want to.

I really hated being a woman. The incredibly complex, winking social rules of girlishness were impossible for me to keep up with; the cultural obsession with my curves and the assumption that they existed for becoming a mother and feeding an infant made me go to war with my body. I perseverated over my self-image in destructive ways, spent hours bent over the sink picking at pores and lightening my hair. I raised my voice to make it seem more feminine until doing so gave me laryngitis. I practiced swaying my hips and then fumed at the men who noticed. In contrast to all that, becoming a man felt pretty wonderful for a while. After a lifetime of other people projecting assumptions onto me based on a body that I had not chosen, finally I was in control enough to choose something else. Becoming a man, I thought, was the closest thing to being truly seen as gender neutral, since men were the social default. Intellectually I knew that manhood came with its own set of punishing restrictions and damaging hang-ups, but I hadn’t felt them yet. I was too focused on getting free. But then, I started avoiding mirrors. The man on the other side was a perfectly adequate human being, but he always looked dour, and so boring. I hated smiling as him. Tiredness always clouded his eyes. It made me kind of sad to see him, but I could get away with not thinking about it. I didn’t obsess over his appearance the way I had as a girl. I could let a flyaway hair or a cyst on his back just be for days. But I never delighted in seeing him either. When I looked away, and had no confirmation of what he looked like, he became featureless in my mind, and unappealing. In public, my arms and neck felt stiff all the time. I couldn’t walk down the street with ease, or lose myself in my music. I was so conscious of the space that he occupied, hypervigilant against intruding against anyone, and yet insulted when crowds treated me like I was invisible and bumbled into me. My shoulders kissed my ears and my hands and feet felt like solid concrete, too hard to move. I had escaped the dysphoria of being a woman so totally that now I could recognize there was also a dysphoria to being a man. I was suffering from something my friend Jess White had once named bilateral dysphoria, the confusing push-and-pull of being some kind of nonbinary gender in a world with mostly-binary embodiment and presentation options, and almost exclusively binary social scripts.

Full essay is free to read or have narrate to you at drdevonprice.substack.com

[beneathsilverstars]

Refs for Naiakiir for art fight! Here's her page. I'm SilverSilverStars and she's #913180.

Character info and permissions under the cut!

Naiakiir ∙ Half-elf ∙ Bard ∙ 21 yrs old ∙ 5'2" ∙ She/her ∙ Cis girl ∙ Ace bi

Interests: Music, cats, sweet fruit, nature, helping others, soft colors, ruffles, making friends

Dislikes: Cruelty, selfishness, unclear expectations, pranks, people who aren't team players

Naiakiir is a total sweetheart! She just wants everybody to get along, to the point where she can't see an interpersonal conflict without trying to fix it. The one way to get on her bad side is to mess things up when she's trying to be diplomatic! Other than that, she's forgiving to a fault; she sees the best in everyone, and finds it much more difficult to stand up for herself than to mediate for other people.

She tries her very best to get along with everybody and make friends. She's naturally quite outgoing! Many people find her sweet and easy to talk to, but sometimes she comes off as annoying or try-hard instead. If she notices someone doesn't like her, though, she'll try to adjust her behavior to be less off-putting. The idea of someone not liking her is pretty scary! Her unthreatening friendliness is how she protects herself, after all - though sometimes that need to please gets her in more trouble than it prevents.

Her main instrument is the harp, though she also plays the violin and flute, sings, and dances. Music is the area where she truly excels! She's also fairly coordinated and athletic, as a dancer needs to be, but not exceptionally so outside of that context. In other areas, she tries to work hard when she needs to, but she just doesn't have a head for facts and figures and logic. She follows her feelings!

She loves flowers and kittens and strawberries and all sorts of soft cutesy things. Sometimes it's hard to tell how much of it is because she genuinely adores them, and how much is because she's trying to stick to her sweet and lovable aesthetic, but it's likely some combination of both feeding into each other. At the very least, cats really are her favorite animal!

Naiakiir is my go-to character for a lot of different games and universes, and I first made her up a solid dozen years ago, so she exists in many different forms! Even within the standard AU, I'm constantly changing her exact outfit and designing new iterations. The most important/recognizable parts of her design are the braid and the general color scheme / silhouette of her outfits, so if you've got those, you can totally change up the specifics! I love seeing different artists' takes and AUs.

Permissions:

Feel free to modify or combine outfits or design new outfits entirely. AUs are fine too (e.g. furry version of a human character, modern version of a medieval fantasy character, etc). I love to see other peoples' ideas and takes on my OCs!

Feel free to draw them interacting with different characters. (For Naiakiir, no sexual content, but romantic shipping is okay.)

Maturity filters: Moderate "fake" gore or cartoony blood ok, otherwise no moderate or extreme gore. Body horror ok. Nonsexual nudity ok. No sexual content for Naiakiir. Eyestrain ok. No realistic bugs or vomit, otherwise sensitive content ok.

[epicdogymoment]

poasts that make you start tearing yourself to shreds

[thedreadvampy]

ok just saw someone refer to Elias as "the stereotypical queer elite" and i

uh

maybe people are right about the genericisation of the word queer actually

[murray-baumans]

[Brett Gelman, cismale, he/him] who’s that? oh it’s [murray bauman]. i hear they’re [42] and are known as [the eccentric] around [hawkins]. they’re also a [self-employed investigative journalist] and [self-described genius]. they’re known to be [perceptive + animated] and [socially awkward + abrasive]. some people say they remind them of [crossing police tape, laughing in the face of danger, and ghost stories and ufo sightings]. [nikki, 25, she/her, n/a, central]

STATISTICS

FULL  NAME: murray john bauman GENDER/PRONOUNS: cis male; he/him AGE: forty-two FACECLAIM: brett gelman BIRTHDAY: january 22 STAR  SIGN: aquarius HOMETOWN: kohler, wisconsin HEIGHT:  6'1″ OCCUPATION: self-employed investigative journalist ORIENTATION: openly bisexual

HEADCANONS

* Murray grew up in Kohler, Wisconsin, a small town outside of Chicago. His dad left when he was three (and he was a piece of shit anyways, no love lost), so it was just Murray and his mom. Murray was always an unusual kid– could be the overbearing Midwest helicopter mom, could be the homeschool years, could be the ghost in his childhood home. Yes, Murray’s mom bought an incredibly old Victorian-style house with her alimony money, and it wasn’t long before Murray noticed something was … off. To this day, Murray swears that there was a ghost living with them.

* For thirteen years, Murray was the most sought-after journalist on the Chicago crime beat. He worked exclusively for the Chicago Sun-Times, and the very traits that made him a social pariah in high school made him a kickass investigative reporter. He was pushy, abrasive, unthreatening, and ultimately a nightmare to work with… but he broke the biggest stories. Though it’s been years, Murray still keeps all of his front-page stories (about forty total) pressed and framed in his living room (though they’re usually covered by tacked up notes/newspaper clippings/photos from whatever case he’s working on at the moment).

* Murray had always been the journalist who pursued every last tip, every far-fetched lead; and more often than not, it turned out to be true. So when a series of robberies and aggravated assaults began popping up in the Chicago area and witnesses reported hallucinations, Murray was all over it. His investigation led him to London, Hawkins, and Pittsburg as followed the life and crimes of Kali Prasad. But as soon as Murray began talking about a girl with psychic abilities, the paper wouldn’t allow him to publish. He continued pursuing the lead and eventually blew up on the Editor-in-Chief… which led to him being dragged away to a psych ward for six months and a court-mandated restraining order barring him from his wife and daughter. Disgraced and jaded, Murray has since decided to work for himself and himself only.

* Thanks to his very Catholic mother, Murray learned Latin at a young age. While he found it pointless at the time, it has since allowed him to easily pick up new languages. Murray is a polyglot: he speaks Russian, Spanish, Mandarin, and Arabic fluently.

* Murray is openly bisexual. While he still has a soft spot for his ex-wife, he has explored other romantic interests, including but not limited to the late, great Alexei Smirnoff.

PINTEREST | BIOGRAPHY | CONNECTIONS | PLAYLIST

(biography and connections forthcoming)

[transgenderuwo]

Man this article starts off strong but it just keeps getting worse as it goes on. It's not a bad perspective to start with, but the author's complete refusal to acknowledge how overwhelmingly White his experiences are soured the whole thing for me. I get that the author is White and is writing about his personal experiences, but he speaks with such an authority on the whole subject that feels exactly like every other White person explaining how privileged I (a Southeast Asian immigrant whose home country is among the worst for queer and trans legal rights) must be while sweeping their own racist complicity under the rug. The author freely admits to being White within that very article (or at least mentions trying to adopt an "Unthreatening [sic] White Dad" persona), and the way he talks about feminist writings by cis men for cis men makes it infuriatingly, painfully clear that the critical perspectives he's missing are from BIPOC writers. It's yet another disappointing but unsurprising case of a White queer person forgetting that being queer does not make them any less White.

I wanted to ignore the condescending removal of agency I sensed in the text – unfortunately, this is something the overwhelming majority of us BIPOC have to do in order to exist within White spaces – but it hit a boiling point I couldn't ignore when the author mentioned his other essay, "Trans Masc Misogyny and the Red Six of Spades" (archived/unwalled link). "The Red Six of Spades" is painful in its refusal to acknowledge intersectional experiences; I've seen it used to deny myself and others the basic dignity to express that hey, it's kinda cruel to say that other marginalized people directly suffering from a gendered colonialism that you yourself are actively perpetuating on us somehow don't deserve to be afforded the same grace to make mistakes that White people are given. It is fundamentally untrue that the maladaptive coping methods we QTBIPOC develop to survive under colonialism are identical to White queer people's unwillingness to challenge the imperialist status quo they'd otherwise benefit from. We do not benefit from the imperialist status quo; when individual BIPOC can personally take advantage of imperialist status quos, we do so at the cost of our own cultures. Assimilation is not a privilege.

I almost want to laugh at how, in this very article about transmasculine erasure, the author perpetuates the same transmasc erasure he writes about. He doesn't even offer the idea that transmasc BIPOC specifically might have such a fundamentally different experience from him that our perspectives may matter enough to seek them out. I wouldn't go so far as to scold other marginalized people for "not learning anything" from the structural oppression and marginalization we face, since that would be asserting that bigotry has any valid purpose, but it still hurts to watch people taunt "rules for thee, not for me" as they pull the ladder up behind them. It hurts to feel like anything we've said about gender colonialism might have gotten through to them only for them to refuse to follow through – the structural inequalities they could still benefit from are more important than getting rid of the problem altogether. To them, suppressing the symptoms is more important than treating the root cause. We're just display-case figurines to look at and acknowledge for brownie points, since erasure only matters when it happens to White people within White imperialism that could be perfect if only it included more White people.

There's a cop-out of "I cannot give you every man’s story, every trans man’s story, every trans person’s story; I don't know them," but it rings hollow when just a few paragraphs before, the author writes, "[t]hat’s what unconditional privilege in patriarchy looks like. It is the freedom to define someone else’s reality on your own terms." You get to acknowledge us offhand as a get-out-of-jail-free card while we get to compartmentalize our whole lives to a vague, progressivist disclaimer at the end of a White person's essay. You refuse to acknowledge any specific personal shortcomings of your perspectives while we clamor and struggle to be heard. Inevitably, your refusal to engage with us as anything more than a footnote means that your voice is heard over ours and will speak for us. Inevitably, you define our realities on your own terms because you cannot see us as your peers.

women are held to such a high standard, and an extreme double standard at that. they are constantly criticized on every single thing they do. every part of their body is scrutinized and objectified. their physical and legal autonomy is always under threat. simply being associated with womanhood or femininity leaves one vulnerable to mockery, harassment, and demonization. unless a woman ends up being a trans man, then no one cares actually

[formulatrash]

I think it's fun and cute when some of the teams sort of lean into some of the shipping stuff (e.g. the Pierre/Yuki hand/ass photo). And it's sort of great they feel comfortable even joking about drivers being non-straight. But on the other hand, it does occasionally feel very "lol gay" from a sport/space that has historically not been welcoming to LGBTQ people, and I sort of can't help but cringe. But also maybe I'm just being over-sensitive about it? IDK if that's actually a question.

I get what you mean here; I really disliked, for instance, the way Jeandré was played up because it felt like a nod and wink, like a joke because obviously they're not gay. They couldn't be gay. It's just a bit of fun.

And like, I have no idea what the actual nature of their relationship was but ostensibly, they never came out as actually being romantically or sexually involved with each other so you have to think it was platonic by default. Because society worldwide has heteronormativity as default and motorsport in particular absolutely frames itself with that.

So it always feels pantomime-y and a bit like it's taking the piss. Yes, actually, it's great if men feel uninhibited and unthreatened in their gender and sexuality expression enough to flirt with each other - there's nothing wrong with that, of course. Even if it's platonic flirting, that's still fine and a healthy sort of interaction.

Where it's turned into a joke, where the joke is of course they're straight, I mean, they're not weird, then that's the problem. It's a difficult line to walk sometimes - between calling close female friends of Cara Delavigne her "gal pal" and going full Larry shipper deranged and of course, it's entirely down to individuals whether they disclose anything about their relationships or sexuality at all.

Like, for me, I want a driver to come out so bad because it would mean so much to me, as a queer person who works in motorsport. But I'm also aware that is selfish. Because what I actually want, more than anything, is for the environment to adapt - globally, as well as in the strange, fishbowl microcosm of motorsport - to no longer assuming people are straight or cis. There's nothing wrong with being straight or cis, of course but for that no longer to be the normalised default, while everything else is made exotic.

I don't know if this makes sense because I am hungover and tired and extremely upset rn so: apologies if it doesn't.

[primogyna]

it's so fucking ugly how some transfems think they can bootlick their way into cis-feminists' approval by throwing other tgirls under the bus who they don't think are feminine or unthreatening enough. like I'm sorry but the 'predator in a dress ' trope will still come to bite you in the ass even if you think you're hunter schafer.

and some trans girl being shitty/problematic doesn't make it ok either

[miroyuuu]

Skwisgaaaaaar or if someone beat me to it Abigail :)

skwisgaar:

sexuality headcanon: bisexual

gender headcanon: cis or trans man (i really really love trans skwis hc)

a ship with skwis: uhh literally everyone in dethklok. i ship him with everyone. LMAO. some skwis ot3s i love are skwis x toki x murderface, and skwis x pickles x nathan.

a brotp: skwis and murderface!! i think they have such a unique and important dynamic, my hc is that murderface is one of the few people skwisgaar can just be his most uninhibited self (the scene of them eating tons of junk food and watching scary movies togeth is one of my favs in the show) without fear of judgement since skwis feels unthreatened by him, and i think it is important for murderface + his self esteem to see that skwisgaar, this man he sees as the perfect beautiful blueprint, is just like him (in multiple senses- that he loves pigging out w junk food and also that he's into men as well) and is still loved. basically i think they are opposites that are actually very alike

a notp: i dont have any huge notps for skwisgaar or for anyone in general hah. tbh if skwisgaar is there i will find a way to love it.

random headcanon: he has a small stash of feminine clothing he likes to wear in secret

general opinion: ok if it isnt already painfully obvious. i love him more than anything in the world and he means everything to me. funny swedish guitar man changed my life <3 he inspires me in so many senses as well and reignited my passion for guitar. god one day i hope i can be half as skilled as he is. he's such a complex and great character i'd have to write a long essay to explain why i love him so much. also just like toki i love love love that he has very masculine and very feminine facets to him and can be both simultaneously

this ended up so long so abby under the cut

abigail:

sexuality headcanon: gay or bi

gender headcanon: cis woman

a ship w abby: ah tbh i don't really majorly ship her with anyone? but i enjoy seeing all ur abby x skwis reblogs and stuff <3

brotp: her and toki! they've been thru sm trauma together and became close friends post doomstar and are therapy pals lol

notp: don't have one

random headcanon: she plays bass? that'd be pretty sick

general opinion: i really like her :) and wish she got more screentime

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Pointless Pining (makes for the best love stories)

Ao3

Summary: Sure, Roman could tell aur squishes that au was in love with them. There was even a fairly good chance they’d return the sentiment! But there was also a chance (however small) that they would say no, and well... Roman didn’t want to take that risk. Content: Mutual pining, oblivious pining so oblivious it’s ridiculous (but true!), swearing, referencing making out, running away from family events to avoid said family, confessions, kissing (not on the lips); everyone’s non-binary except andy who’s male (cis or trans, reader’s choice), aro!roman, implied aro!logan + aro!remy Pairings: QPR rolosleep, romo anxton (ts shorts anxiety [Andy] x Patton) Notes: For easy reference, Roman’s pronoun set is au/aur/aurs/aurself (based off of the periodic table element name for gold, not the term for alternate universes), Logan’s is ja/java/jav/javs/javaself (based off the coding language, not coffee), and Patton’s is dai/dais/daiself Also! this fic is dedicated to my wonderful qpps, @lo-gayn and @bitchy-sleep ! i adore them with all my heart, even if I wasn’t very helpful with the getting-together part of our relationship. this one’s for you, loves <3

~

    Roman had an amazing, spectacular, flawless plan.

    “This is a horrible idea, dude.”

    Some people just refused to understand aur brilliance.

    “You know, this is why I don’t talk to you.” Roman said matter-of-factly, ignoring Andy rolling his eyes as au compared two dresses in aur mirror. “Now just tell me which red goes better with my eyes.”

    “How would I know? Unlike some people, I don’t spend all day looking into them.” Andy huffed, reclined out on Roman’s bed. “I don’t even know why you’re asking me for help with your clearly doomed plan.”

    “I’m asking you because it’s you or Patton, and dai’ll just ignore my dress question and focus on the reason for the dress instead, and you know what dai will say then.”

    “To get over yourself and stop ending up in fanfic-esque situations with your squishes because you’re a hopeless pining mess who refuses to open your eyes to the reality that they want to be your partners as much as you want to be theirs?”

    Roman turned from the mirror, frowning at Andy. “Well dai wouldn’t say it so rudely.”

    Andy just shrugged. “It’s the truth. The sooner you accept it, the sooner I can stop dealing with this bullshit.”

    A gasp of faux offense sounded in the doorway, and Roman groaned at the same time Andy perked up, pushing himself into a better sitting position.

    “Language!” Patton scolded, though dais words had no heat to them as dai smiled and joined Andy on the bed. Well, joined Andy on his lap, a move that the punk didn’t argue, even as his cheeks turned a rather vibrant shade of red.

    “Sorry, Pat.” Andy mumbled as Patton innocently wrapped dais arms around the back of his neck and leaned against his chest. Roman rolled aur eyes. Andy could act as intimidating and tough as he wanted, but as soon as Patton was within eyesight, he melted.

    “It’s no problem, an-dorable.” Patton said. Andy just blushed harder and Roman sniggered, amused. That was the wrong thing to do, however, as it drew Patton’s attention onto aur and aur dresses. “Oh, those are some nice outfits, Ro. What’s the special occasion?”

    “None! Nothing!” Roman said hastily, quickly moving over to aur closet and tossing the two options back in haphazardly. Two weeks au had kept this a secret, and au refused to be found out now. “Just… showing off some of my wardrobe to Andy.”

    Roman didn’t need to be facing Patton to know dai didn’t believe that, and au could practically hear the frown in dais tone as dai responded, “Are you sure? Those are some of your favorite dresses, you don’t normally take them out without a reason.”

    “And I had a reason! Showing them off to Andy!” Roman defended, looking at Andy slightly desperately. “Right, Andy?”

    Instead of providing Roman with the save au needed, however, Andy glanced at Patton before shaking his head. “Au’s got a date.”

    Patton’s eyes lit up at the actual answer, distracted enough by it to not notice the rather violent motion Roman made at Andy. Andy seemed unconcerned and unthreatened, only smirking rather self-satisfiedly at the gesture.

    “You finally asked them out?” Patton said excitedly, continuing on before Roman could continue, “This is great, Roro! You should definitely go with the scarlet dress, then- it’s just perfect for a first date-”

    “It’s not a date!” Roman interrupted, stopping Patton’s words immediately.

    Dai blinked twice, looking confused. “But Andy said it was.”

    “Sometimes Andy lies.” Roman muttered.

    “Not this time.” Andy spoke up, ignoring Roman’s glare. “I don’t care what you want to call it, dude, but it’s very clearly a date.”

    “Those were some pretty nice dresses you were considering Roman.” Patton added. “Not really what you’d wear out casually.”

    Roman sighed and glanced back at the dresses au had crammed back into aur closet. “Then maybe I’m just being too dramatic in my choice in attire.” Au mumbled to aurself, trying not to feel too disheartened. Au did like wearing those dresses, and any excuse to do so was one au’d always jump at. It’s not like au wanted Logan and Remy to see aur wearing one of them. Not in particular, anyways. That would be silly and blackmail material, and despite aur sibling’s sweet exterior dai was more than willing to work with blackmail.

    Shaking aur head to focus back on the issue at hand, Roman once more faced Andy and Patton. “One of Logan’s relatives is having a birthday dinner, and Logan invited me and Remy to come and stop java from being forced to only interact with jav family for two hours. It’s not a date, just friends helping friends.”

    “Ja literally invited both of you to dinner at a fancy restaurant for the express purpose of spending the night talking and dining with you two.” Andy said, repeating the same thing he had said only a few minutes ago, albeit then with more swearing. “It’s a date.”

    “I have to agree with Andy here, Ro.” Patton said, once more smiling excitedly.

    “You always agree with Andy.”

    Patton waved dais hand dismissively. “You were clearly picking out date clothes to go out to dinner with your squishes. It’s a date.”

    Roman sighed, moving over to aur desk. Au almost slumped into the chair before deciding the queer choice was to hop on top of the desk and sit there. “Just because it meets the criteria of a date doesn’t make it one.”

    “If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck-”

    “-then maybe you’re just shit at identifying waterfowl.” Roman cut Andy off, ignoring Patton’s reprimand of ‘language!’. “Besides, dates are for people in love with each other. One-sided pining doesn’t count.”

    At that statement, Roman was met with twin stares of disbelief.

    “Really, Roman, I thought you would’ve gotten over this by now.” Patton said after a moment, tone lightly scolding.

    “My pining…?”

    “Your belief that it’s one-sided.” Patton corrected. “It’s very obvious, I’m not sure how you’re still missing it.”

    “Just because you guys think it’s obvious-”

    “Logan has literally told you ja’d be open to being in a QPR with you.” Andy cut aur off, disbelief now mixing with frustration. “How much more obvious do you need?”

    Roman looked away, focusing on a wall. “It was late when ja said that, I’m sure ja didn’t mean it.”

    Andy scoffed. “It was four in the afternoon.”

    “That’s… kinda late.” Roman said, well aware aur tone wasn’t quite as confident as it needed to convince Patton and Andy to drop the matter. “And that’s just Logan, nothing about Remy.”

    “He is literally always flirting with you.”

    “Remy flirts with everyone.”

    Patton shook dais head. “Remy only really flirts with two people, Ro, and she’s made out with one of them plenty of times.”

    “Logan and Remy’s snogging is purely platonic.” Roman dismissed, wrinkling aur nose even as au said ‘snogging.’ Au wasn’t a fan of the word, but au preferred it to some of the other more creative terms au could’ve gone for.

    Au left out the part where au was fairly certain it wasn’t purely platonic. There was only so long you could try and live in someone’s lap before one emotion or the other got wrapped into the mix, in Roman’s opinion.

    “You’re really just going to ignore all of the evidence they like you back.” Andy said slowly, as if hoping that Roman would correct him.

    But all Roman did was smile at him and cheerfully say, “Yep!”

    Andy tossed his hands up into the air, flopping backwards on the bed, Patton giggling as dai fell over with him. “I give up. You’re impossible and refuse to listen to any and all logic.

    “I listen to Logan!” Roman defended in amusement. “Ja’s the only one I know with a fully functioning braincell, after all.”

    “And yet, you refuse to listen to Logan when ja says ja wants to be your partner.”

    “Technically, ja just said ja’d be alright with the idea of it, not that ja wanted things to be that way.” Roman corrected, slipping off aur desk and moving towards aur dresser. “There’s a difference.”

    “You know, you don’t have to have Logan confess to you first.” Patton pointed out, snuggling dais head against Andy’s shoulder. “Sometimes you just have to read the signs and make your move!”

    Roman chuckled. “Patton, you asked Andy out within a day of knowing him. Your advice hardly applies here.”

    Patton pouted. “I think it applies here!”

    “You’re just refusing to read the signs, Roman.” Andy added, wrapping a hand around Patton’s back and kissing dais forehead. “It worked out pretty fucking well for Patton, after all.”

    Roman didn’t respond immediately, waiting for Patton’s ‘language!’ exclamation, only to find it not coming, Patton much more distracted by curling against Andy’s chest. Roman smiled a bit at that. “Well, I am Jared, 19.”

    “You’re embarrassing yourself, that’s what you are.” Andy replied. Roman bit back a ‘when do I not’ and focused on shifting through the clothes in aur dresser. Only a moment passed before Andy asked, “What’re you doing?”

    “Picking my outfit for tonight.” Roman answered, pulling out a pair of aur black jeans, one of the pairs that hadn’t faded to grey yet. Au dropped it on top of aur dresser and moved on to finding a shirt.

    Shuffling on the bed indicated to Roman that Andy and Patton must have sat up, likely to try and see what clothing pieces au was choosing. They didn’t say anything, however, until Roman pulled out two shirts and turned back towards them, displaying aur choices. “Which one do you think goes better with my eyes?”

    Patton frowned. “From fancy dresses to jeans and t-shirts? That’s a pretty steep de-escalation, Ro.”

    Roman shrugged. “Well, if you guys thought the fancy dresses were for a special date, I don’t want Logan and Remy to feel I’ve made any false assumptions as to our relationship and the purpose of tonight’s outing.” Au said, smirking at the look of shock and annoyance on Patton’s and Andy’s faces, respectively. “So. Which one goes better with my eyes?”

    “You’re a moron.” Andy told aur before nodding his head at the shirt in Roman’s left hand. “That one.”

    “Thank you!” Roman responded, turning back towards aur dresser and dropping the one Andy had indicated back into the drawer, putting the white tank top covered in sparkly golden dots of varying sizes with the jeans.

    Andy groaned. “You know this is a date, no matter how hard you try to sabotage it, right?”

    “Nope!” Roman replied, scooping up aur choice in outfit and snagging aur red hoodie off the floor before heading towards the hallway. “I’m going to get changed. If you two are still here when I get back, I’m going to raid Patton’s stash of hidden cookies and give them to Logan’s family.”

    Patton squinted at aur. “You don’t know where my stash of cookies is. They’re hidden.”

    Roman chuckled as au stepped out of the room, heading towards the bathroom. “If you say so, Pat.” Au called over aur shoulder, confident in aur belief that Andy and Patton would be gone before au had even changed aur shirt.

    After all, there was only so much needling Roman could take, especially when it was in relation to aur squishes. Aur squishes who didn’t like aur back, Patton and Andy’s opinions aside and ignored. Roman might be aro, but au was still the expert on love, and au knew in-love people when au saw them. Logan and Remy loved Roman as a friend, and that was it.

    And if Roman was wrong, well… it wasn’t like au was ever going to confess anyways.

    ~

    Roman arrived at the Sanders household ten minutes early, having walked from aur house with the intent to hitch a ride with the family to the dinner. The driveway had  a couple more cars in it than usual, and the out-of-state license plates some of them had confirmed Roman’s suspicions they were Logan’s visiting relatives’ vehicles.

    Au didn’t bother with the door, cutting across the yard to the side of the house and slipping down and through the low-set basement window that had been left open for this exact purpose. Though the window was more commonly used as a way to escape the house, Roman and Remy often helping to pull Logan out so that they could go star-gazing when they all should’ve been sleeping, it served the purpose of avoiding strangers and prying questions equally well.

    Roman landed well, rocking on aur feet slightly to keep aur balance as au glanced around, looking for aur friends. The basement was a small affair, with one side taken up with Logan’s bed, dresser and desk, and the other with a bathroom and an old washing machine that no longer washed clothes but did occasionally hold the elements of Logan’s various experiments. That made it easy to spot Logan, who was sitting on jav bed and reading, so absorbed in jav book that ja didn’t notice Roman’s entrance.

    This gave Roman the perfect opportunity to be gay without java noticing.

    Because Logan, of course, had already changed for the dinner; jav regular nerdy t-shirt and jeans had been replaced with a simple, knee-length dark blue dress, the top half layered with white lace that outlined constellations across Logan’s chest. Jav hair was held in a loose ponytail by a silver ribbon, and matching star clips held back jav bangs. Ja looked gorgeous, and in that moment Roman wanted nothing more than to kiss jav forehead.

    But then Logan looked up from jav book and the moment was over.

    Ja spotted Roman quickly, offering aur a smile as ja slipped jav bookmark into place and put jav book to the side. “Hello, Roman!”

    Roman smiled back, trying to push aur thoughts away. “Heya, specs. How you doing?”

    “I’m alright.” Logan answered. “My relatives still remember the elephant toothpaste incident from last year, so they’re wary of coming down here and bothering me.”

    Roman chuckled at the memory of said incident. Despite requesting that ja be allowed to spend jav birthday as ja wanted, Logan’s parents had called jav relatives down for the day and planned a party around them being there. So Logan threw some water, soap, yeast, and hydrogen peroxide into a box and set the concoction up to make a mess of the stairs leading to jav room as soon as someone opened the door.

    Ja had escaped out the window after that, where Roman and Remy had been waiting for java to join them. The three of them had spent the day wandering the town, avoiding Logan’s searching family and doing whatever caught their attention. They had ended the day with the greasiest food from the cheapest fast-food joint they could find, eating it on top of the long-closed arcade and admiring the view of their town at dusk.

    Logan had been grounded for two weeks afterwards, but ja always held that it was worth it for what had been the best birthday of jav life.

    Roman was pulled out of aur recollections by the sound of a door opening. Looking up, however, Roman realized it wasn’t the door to the basement, but instead the bathroom door.

    A second later and Remy emerged, dressed almost opposingly to Logan’s style and yet still looking just as stunning. Like Roman, he was wearing jeans, but hers were torn up and well-worn. He was also wearing a black crop top, a fishnet shirt doing a poor job of covering up the rest of her upper body, not that Remy seemed to care. His jacket was slung over her back, his sunglasses were resting in her messy brown-and-pink hair, and his easy confidence in her look were only adding to the rising blush Roman was trying to fight off.

    “Finally decided to join us, babes?” Remy teased, seemingly oblivious to Roman’s gay panic.

    Roman cleared aur throat and tried to be oblivious to it too. “Excuse you, I’m ten minutes early.”

    “Yeah, but I’ve already been here for hours.” Remy complained, dropping down next to Logan on the bed dramatically. “And I’ve only had one cutie to gaze at the entire time! Not that ja isn’t certainly a very gorgeous cutie-”

    “Remy’s been helping me ensure no one tries to bother me before I’m stuck at a table with them.” Logan explained, cutting Remy off and ignoring his pout. “She’s been here since my first relative showed up around one.”

    “Over four hours of just you two chilling down here?” Roman confirmed, smirking as au did so. “Wonder how you spent that time.”

    Logan frowned at Roman in disappointment. “I mostly spent it reading and ignoring the annoyance.”

    “Mostly?” Roman repeated, smirk growing at the light blush that entered Logan’s cheeks.

    “Well I couldn’t exactly be reading for every single second of those hours-”

    “What Lolo means is that I’m not as annoying as ja pretends I am.” Remy cut in, throwing an arm over Logan’s shoulders and leaning against java. “And that I have very nice lips.”

    Logan’s blush turned a deeper red as ja swatted at Remy, pushing her off of java. “You are as annoying as I say you are, and you’re a bitch.”

    “But you still kissed meeeeee.”

    “I will shove you.”

    “Ah, come on, you know you love me-”

    Roman didn’t bother trying to stifle aur laugh as Logan made good on jav claim.

    Remy, for his part, didn’t seem put out, only looking up at Logan from her new position on the floor, slowly shaking his head as she said, “Cold, Lo, cold.”

    “I do run a temperature lower than the average human, though I do not see how that could be relevant here.”

    Remy pushed himself up, climbing back onto the bed and immediately slotting herself against Logan’s side, resting his head on jav shoulder and wrapping her arms around jav waist. “Because if you don’t have me warming you up, you could freeze! So you really can’t keep shoving me off of you.”

    “That’s illogical.” Logan pointed out with a roll of jav eyes, but ja made no move to get Remy off of java.

    Roman tried to find the best, least awkward way to stand, considering au was near the middle of the room and the only other people in it were cuddling. A small part of aur considered joining them on the bed, maybe even leaning against Logan aurself and joining the cuddles, but the possibility of it being weird or disruptive to the nice little thing Logan and Remy already had was too high to risk, so au remained rocking on aur heels, glancing at aur watch and wondering how close they were to go time.

    The door at the top of the stairs opening and Logan’s mother yelling down about how they were about to leave and Logan needed to get upstairs answered Roman’s question for aur.

    “Remy, please let go of me.”

    Remy made an unhappy humming noise and didn’t move.

    Logan sighed. “I can’t get up if you don’t let go of me.”

    “Then don’t get up.” Remy murmured back, clearly content to skip out on the dinner and spend the evening with just Logan instead. It was a sentiment Roman seconded, if only in aur mind.

    “I don’t want to be grounded again.” Logan replied.

    Remy sighed, sounding greatly annoyed, but he finally did as Logan asked, letting java go and standing up. “Can I at least hold your hand?”

    Logan stood up after her, only taking a second to think before ja nodded and offered Remy one of jav hands. Remy smiled brightly, taking the proffered hand and nearly pulling Logan towards the door.

    He was stopped by Logan’s refusal to move too far, turning back towards Roman instead and holding out jav other hand.

    “Coming?” Logan said simply, and after a moment that stretched longer than it probably should have, Roman nodded, hesitantly taking Logan’s hand. Logan’s fingers wrapped tightly around aur own, the gesture warm and sweet, even if Roman only had a moment to appreciate it before Remy was once more tugging on Logan, now dragging both java and Roman along with her up the stairs.

    Roman allowed aurself to be pulled along, using that time to try and decide if au should ignore the warmth blooming in aur chest or savor it.

    ~

    Dinner went just about exactly how Roman had expected it to go. Logan’s relatives tried to talk to java, aur and Remy deflected their questions away, the relatives asked them questions instead, Logan helped deflect those, jav relatives moved back to trying to question java, the cycle went on until they were halfway through dessert. Roman was just thankful most of the relatives allowed themselves to be deterred from their interrogation-style inquiries.

    There were some positives as well. The three of them had secured one of the table’s corners, Logan seated between Remy and Roman to further block javaself off from jav family. In that arrangement, it was easy for them to duck over and talk to each other, keeping their conversation separate from the rest of the table’s.

    And that was how they had spent most of the dinner, talking amongst themselves, trying to muffle their laughs as Logan made particularly scathing remarks about jav more despised relatives and they discussed where they’d all prefer to be. When their food arrived, they traded bites of their meals with each other, using the opportunity to mock each other’s taste with grins on their faces. That particular activity got some of Logan’s relatives looking at them funny, but Roman just shrugged it off as none of them knowing what having genuine fun with one’s friends looked like.

    It was at the end of dinner, when Logan’s family was waiting on the bill and discussing what to do with the rest of the evening, when Logan excused javaself to go to the bathroom. Ja patted Roman’s and Remy’s shoulders as ja stood, clearly wanting to make sure they didn’t forget the plan.

    Roman knew au certainly hadn’t, and a glance at Remy’s smirk proved she hadn’t either.

    A couple of minutes after Logan’s departure from the table, Roman feigned interest in aur phone, acting as though au had gotten a text. Au then stood up, thanking the collective Sanders for inviting aur to dinner and explaining that aur ride was there and it was time for aur to head home. Au brushed off their confusion at thinking they were the ones taking aur home easily, and slipped away from the table before they could figure out something was amiss.

    Au smiled when au found Logan in the lobby, looking only slightly worried over the idea that one of jav relatives might catch java trying to get out of any more family interaction time. Ja smiled when ja saw Roman, however. “Took you long enough.”

    “I believe it was you who said if I left too soon after you they’d be suspicious.” Roman replied, matching jav smile. “Why, miss me?”

    “Always.” Logan said almost immediately, and Roman fought off a blush at the single word. Au and Logan were close friends, and had been like that for a while. Cheesy lines like that were relatively common between the two of them; it didn’t mean anything else.

    Roman cleared aur throat. “Do you want to step outside? Remy might take a bit, depending on whether or not he decides to make a scene, and I don’t want to be too close if that happens, do you?”

    Logan chuckled. “Certainly not.” Ja replied, moving towards the double doors of the restaurant and holding one of them open for Roman.

    Stepping outside, Roman took in a deep breath of the cool evening air, preferring it to the overwhelming smell of various foods that had wafted throughout the entire restaurant. Logan came to stand beside aur only a second later, and Roman directed them both to the side of the restaurant, where they could wait discreetly for Remy to join them.

    “So,” Roman started, not wanting to spend the entire time waiting in silence, “scale of one to ten, how has your evening been so far?”

    Logan considered the question for a moment before responding, “An eight, I’d say.”

    Roman’s eyes widened a bit. “That’s pretty high, all things considered.”

    Logan shrugged. “Being around my relatives is always an atrocious affair, but having you and Remy around helped a lot. It was much more manageable with you two.” Logan glanced at Roman for a moment, expression unreadable, before focusing jav gaze back out on the parking lot in front of them. “I always enjoy being around you.”

    “We’re around each other a lot.” Roman pointed out quietly. Au wasn’t sure what point au was trying to prove, but au wasn’t quite sure what point Logan was going for either.

    “I suppose so.” Logan murmured, though it sounded more like a filler phrase than anything else. Silence stretched between them after that, and Roman didn’t feel like au should break it.

    It was eventually broken for aur by Remy sprinting out of the restaurant, spinning on his heel as she got outside, stopping when he saw Logan and Roman.

    “Hey, darlings! We gotta go!” She called out, grabbing their attention as he gestured for them to come join her. “Unless you want this whole plan to go down the drain, anyways!”

    “I knew he should’ve snuck out before me.” Logan said, shaking jav head even as ja smiled and started to run after Remy, Roman right behind java.

Remy didn’t start moving again until Logan and Roman were close, close enough that he could grab their hands. As soon as she had them, he took off again, weaving between the cars fast enough to hopefully throw off anyone who might be at the restaurant entrance now, trying to spot them.

    Soon enough they were out of the restaurant’s parking lot and on the sidewalk, racing down it as fast as they could. Remy still held their hands, her grip tight and warm, while he constantly checked around them, looking for something or another. Suddenly, she skidded to a stop in front of an alleyway.

    “You guys want to see something awesome?” Remy asked, glancing between the two of them as he asked.

    Roman fought off the urge to respond ‘I already do’ as au looked at Remy, flushed from the running but grinning as well, looking a wild sort of beautiful. “I’d love to.”

    “I certainly don’t have a better way to spend my time.” Logan said.

    Remy’s grin only grew. “Great.” She said, right before starting to run again, pulling them into the alleyway. They allowed themselves to be led as he ducked between different alleys and slipped between spaces Roman felt they weren’t meant to slip through, only letting go of Remy’s hands when she released them, coming to a stop in a small, unusual clearing.

    The spot Remy had finally stopped on was a ledge of cracked and jagged concrete, the broken concrete spreading out in a circle to fill the small area they were in, most of the space around them walled off by buildings built right next to each other and rusty chain link fences. Crumbling dirt sloped down against the concrete, making a small crater within the border of damaged rock.

    In the center of it all was a pond. It wasn’t very large, the crater itself only being three or four yards wide across, but it was well-sized. The surface of the water was pretty with the sunset colours playing across it, but it was clear enough for the group to see down into it. The dirt in the pool was awkwardly packed, leaving it deep in some spots and shallow in others, but amongst the layers Roman could just make out little creatures swimming about.

    “I stumbled into this place a couple of days ago when I was bored and wandering.” Remy explained while Roman and Logan leaned closer to the pond, both interested in the animals moving within it. “I think there was some construction mishap that made the crater, and they were too lazy to do anything to fix it, so they left it as was. Over time, it collected rainwater, and-”

    “Are these tadpoles?” Logan interrupted, looking up from the pond to meet Remy’s eyes instead.

    A broad smile broke across Remy’s face. “Far as I can tell, yep. Saw a few fully grown lads hopping around yesterday, too, though I don’t know if we’ll see them today.”

    Logan smiled at that, jav grin somehow bigger than Remy’s as ja quickly turned back towards the pond, leaning even closer to look down at the tadpoles. “Wonderful.” Ja said, under jav breath, looking completely absorbed by the animals.

    Roman forced aurself to stop admiring Logan and go back to watching the tadpoles before au was caught, but in aur opinion, the former view was much more incredible than the latter- and the tadpoles were pretty incredible.

    “Tonight just gets better and better, huh?” Roman said, the comment technically directed towards both Logan and Remy, but given that Remy seemed to have become distracted with one of the fences, only Logan really heard it.

    “Indeed.” Logan agreed, glancing away from the pond to look at Roman. Ja was still smiling brightly, jav entire face lit up and expression excited and happy. Roman couldn’t help but smile back, though aurs was softer, a product of Logan’s excitement, not aur own.

    “You look lovely.” Roman said, out of the blue, not entirely sure why au had spoken. It was true, yes, but Roman tried to mostly internalize those thoughts. “Your, uh, your dress, I mean. It’s very lovely- you wear it very… lovelily.”

    Logan laughed softly, a beautiful sound that Roman was absolutely in love with (almost as much as au was in love with Logan). “Thank you.” Ja finally said, with a small smile that seemed even more meaningful than the grin ja had been wearing a moment ago. “You wear your outfit very nicely as well.”

    If Roman hadn’t been blushing earlier, au certainly was now. “Thanks.” Au mumbled, glancing back out at the pond to avoid Logan’s gaze. Au had the distinct feeling that if au looked too long au might say things they would both inevitably regret.

    “My entire family thinks we’re together, you know.” Logan commented idely, ignoring the way Roman jerked at jav words. “Or me and Remy are together. Or you and Remy are together and I’m just third-wheeling. They’re too uptight to accept polyamory’s existence or it being valid, but if I did I think they’d assume we’re all together.”

    Roman forced a laugh. “Amatonormativity’s wild.”

    “It is.” Logan said, but it was offhanded. “Though I admit, all their conversing on the subject around, and sometimes to, me has… confused me a bit.”

    “Holy shit, Lo, don’t tell me you think you’re allo.”

    “Wha- no, no Roman, I’m still aromantic.” 

    “Oh.” Roman said lamely before frowning. Au was looking at Logan now, but jav expression was once more unreadable to aur. “Then what’s up?”

    Logan laughed nervously, taking jav turn as the one awkwardly watching the pond instead of the other. “Do you recall, a few months ago, when I told you I would be amicable to the idea of us entering into a queerplatonic relationship?”

    “Would I forget?”

    “You have the figurative memory of a goldfish so, yes, you would.”

    Roman chuckled. “Alright, you got me there. But, yes, Lo, I remember.” Au answered directly, hoping au just imagined the shake in aur voice.

    “When I told you that, it was because I felt I was- so to speak- in possession of equal platonic and queerplatonic feelings towards you. I did not mind being your friend, nor would I have minded being your partner, because both made me perfectly happy.”

    Roman hummed when Logan paused, trying to show au was paying attention without risking something as embarrassing as a voice break.

    “Now, I feel as though I still hold equal platonic and queerplatonic feelings towards you. But I’m… uncertain as to which I should be having. I have always been content with considering us to simply be friends, but the words of my family have forced me to take a closer look at what our relationship is, and I feel as if I must reconsider that view.”

    “I’m… not sure I completely follow, Lo.” Roman said hesitantly, trying to crush the unsteady flutter of hope in aur chest. Logan was talking about confusion, not making a confession.

    Logan took a deep breath before ja turned from the pond to look directly at Roman. “I believe if our relationship continues as it has, sooner rather than later, I will no longer fully feel content to be your friend alone, and instead wish to also be your… your partner.” Jav gaze dropped down to the ground between the two of them. “That is, if that has not happened already.”

    Oh. So it was a confession.

    Roman didn’t say anything, feeling speechless and breathless all at once. Logan took the unmoving stare and lack of response poorly. “I apologize if you do not feel the same, I truly do not completely expect you too, I do not want to hurt our friendship with my assumptions-”

    “No! Logan, no, I-” Roman paused to take a breath, trying not to focus on Logan’s wide-eyes from aur sudden yell. “Oh, gosh, you’re going to hate me.”

    “I find that doubtful.” Logan replied evenly, now tilting jav head on its side in curious bewilderment. “Why do you think I would hate you?”

    Roman ran a hand through aur hair, looking away from Logan as au did but turning back towards java when au spoke. “Your feelings are completely requited.”

    Logan’s eyes widened again, this time in surprise. “You mean-”

    “-And they have been for several months.” Roman added, interrupting Logan.

    “Since I told you I would be alright being in a QPR with you?”

    “Since, uh, since a couple of weeks before that.”

    “Oh. Oh!” Logan said, moving from processing to what Roman could only describe as delight. Ja was smiling again, almost giddily, pressing one hand over jav mouth to try and stifle jav laughter. 

    “Well, now, that’s just rude.” Roman teased lightly, feeling rather giddy aurself. They had both just admitted they wanted to be the other’s partner, after all, so surely that meant-

    “I assure you, I’m not laughing at you, just-” Logan laughed again despite jav words, and when ja leaned forward Roman realized ja had scooted closer to aur, jav forehead landing against Roman’s shoulder as ja laughed in a way that suggested less humor and more joy. Roman’s heart soared. “You’re very cute, Roman.”

    Roman grinned like that was the best thing au had ever heard even as aur cheeks flushed crimson. “You’re cuter, angel.”

    “Ah, petnames.” Logan said, tone warm and content and happy. “Love, dear, darling…”

    “Your love, your dear, your darling.” Roman corrected softly, feeling bold. It immediately paid off as Logan tried to press jav face further into Roman’s shoulder, trying to hide the blush Roman knew was covering jav face. “My cutie.”

    “Your cutie.” Logan echoed, sounding lovestruck even in just those two words.

    Roman pressed a kiss to the top of Logan’s head, smiling growing as Logan giggled. “My cutie, my angel, my beloved, my Logan.”

    Logan only giggled more, and Roman beamed, entranced by the sound and more than willing to listen to it for the rest of aur life. “My Roman.” Logan managed to say between jav giggles, oblivious to the bright red flush that had taken over Roman’s face. Au pressed aur head against the top of Logan’s, not necessarily to hide aur blush so much as to be even closer to Logan.

    “Please tell me this is what it looks like, because babes, if I have to go one more day watching your sorry asses pine over each other like you’re the only people in the world I’m going to lose it.”

    At the sound of Remy’s voice, Roman turned aur head to face her, refusing to remove aur head from on top of Logan’s. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rem, we’re just two bros pressed up against each other like bros do.”

    “Ha ha.” Remy dropped down beside the two of them, flicking some rust off of his nails. “I still can’t believe it took you two five months, a frog pond, and me looking away to finally admit you’re queer as hell for each other.”

    “The best things take time.” Logan murmured. “Though, I admit, I would have liked to have been doing this five months ago.”

    “Well, maybe if you had admitted you wanted to be my partner earlier, we could’ve gotten here sooner.”

    Logan lifted jav face from Roman’s shoulder to level a sweet but disappointed expression at aur. “That is exactly what I did.”

    “Yeah, but you said you could go either way.” Roman pointed out, tone light and joking. “You should’ve known that wouldn’t be enough confirmation for me.”

    Logan let out a small laugh, shaking jav head, but the look in jav eyes was only fond. “You’re an idiot, love.”

    Roman just grinned. “Only because you keep hogging our shared braincell.”

    “You can’t be trusted with it.” Logan replied, returning jav head to Roman’s shoulder, seemingly content to leave it there for as long as ja could. “But that is alright, my dear. I will keep it safe for you.”

    “Thank you, my angel.” Roman responded, trying and failing to ignore how hot aur cheeks were. There was a simplicity and ease in calling Logan aurs that only confirmed to Roman that this- that them- was always meant to be, but that didn’t make aur immune to blushing about it.

    “You two are cute.” Remy commented idly, leaning forward to rest her chin on Logan’s shoulder. Logan didn’t react, clearly used to the motion. “Does this make me a house-wrecker, now?”

    “I don’t think you can wreck a house that has only just existed with past actions.” Logan stated thoughtfully.

    Roman grinned over Logan’s head at Remy, the solid thrum of adrenaline from one successful squish-turned-partner making aur bold. “Can’t wreck a house you’re a part of, either.”

    Though Roman knew Remy would never admit it, his cheeks dusted pink at Roman’s suggestion. “Funny, sugar, very funny.”

    “I would not necessarily assume that Roman’s suggestion is meant to be humorous.” Logan said, which Roman could tell made Remy only blush more. “I cannot speak for aur, but I will say that I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to being in a partnership with you as well, Remy.”

    “Three is my favorite number.” Roman added, wrapping an arm around Logan’s back to grab one of Remy’s hands.

    “You two are going to get me confused.” Remy complained, though she squeezed Roman’s hand, using the grip as an excuse to wrap his arm around Logan’s back as well. “I hope you’re ready to deal with the consequences of that.”

    “I’d be more than happy to.” Roman assured her, not bothering to stave off a giddy smile at the thought of having two wonderful partners.

    “Indeed.” Logan added, shuffling a bit and forcing Remy to lean closer against java. Remy laughed at the action, but didn’t say anything, only leaning forward to kiss Logan’s cheek before settling down against jav side.

    “Well, now, that’s just rude.” Roman teased, getting Remy’s attention. “Don’t I get a kiss too?”

    Remy grinned. “Anything for you, hun.” He responded, careful to not crush Logan as she leaned over java and kissed Roman’s cheek. He laughed when Roman’s flush immediately renewed itself, even darker this time. “You knew that was coming.”

    “That doesn’t make me prepared!” Roman replied, trying to sound indignant and knowing au was failing horribly. It didn’t help when au impulse shifted over so that au could kiss Remy’s forehead before she could get fully out of range, making it Remy’s turn to blush.

    “Oh, that was mean.” Remy mumbled, but given the colour of his face and the slightly strangled way she spoke, Roman got the feeling he didn’t actually mind it much at all.

    “Mhmm.” Roman hummed disbelievingly before moving to kiss Logan’s forehead as well, giddy with the knowledge that this was just a thing au could do now.

    Logan reacted to Roman’s kiss faster than Roman had expected, leaning up to kiss the tip of aur nose before au could pull away, smiling at Roman. Roman smiled back without a thought. A glance up revealed Remy was smiling softly at the two of them as well, becoming even softer when she caught Roman’s gaze and smiled directly at aur.

    Roman reveled in the moment, feeling as though au had never been warmer despite the chill the evening brought with it. With both aur squishes- with both aur partners- held close, Roman felt as if nothing could ever top this moment.

    Now all au had to do was make sure Andy and Patton never found out about it.