#clearly I’m just some dumb ass idiot that doesn’t know Jack shit about anything

[silverwindptv]

.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

By Your Doorstep (Part 9)

Summary: The reader and Tessa spend their first Christmas with the Winchesters and their friends, resulting in an eventful night...

Pairing: Doctor/Neighbor!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 2,800ish

Warnings: language

A/N: Please enjoy this final part! I loved writing this one and exploring everything this series had to offer!

_________

Reader’s POV

Christmas Night

“Hello ladies,” said Dean, popping his head out from the hall and into the room Tessa was staying in. “Mind if I steal your sister?”

“Go for it,” she said, jumping up from bed and rushing over to her suitcase. She pulled out a box and held it out. “I thought I left it at home but Y/N found it in the hall. It’s your other present.”

“The zip up was very nice of you already,” he said. He tore off the paper and you smirked from bed, Dean making a face as he looked at the box.

“It’s a mug. I made it in art class,” she said. He opened the package and went wide eyed, staring at her as he pulled it out.

“Tessa, this is really good,” he said, smiling at the little D.W. she’d painted on the side. “You made this?”

“Yeah. I’m good at ceramics,” she said with a shrug. “If you don’t like it that’s okay.”

“I have a new favorite mug,” he said, giving her a hug. “I can drink out of it, right?”

“Yeah. It’s fine for using and dishwasher, all that,” she said.

“Well I for one am glad you are getting your minor in art next year,” he said.

“Really?”

“School’s important but you gotta have some fun,” he said. “This is one of the best presents I’ve ever gotten.”

“I made everybody one,” she said with a shrug. “I gotta give Sam his still.”

“I think he’s out with Eileen and a few other people in the hot tub.”

“I was gonna go hang out with Jack, maybe we’ll head out there,” she said. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Make smart choices,” he teased as she walked out. You stood up from bed and walked out to the hall, wrapping your arms around his waist. “She loves me.”

“Yes she does,” you said, a big smile on his face. “You like that, huh?”

“Yes, I do. Besides, I gotta get her on board if I want you,” he said. “How am I doing so far?”

“Oh so you’re curious if I love you,” you said.

“More than you could possibly understand,” he said. You smiled and stood up on your tip toes, throwing your arms around his shoulders.

“Dean. I love you.”

“Good because I love you,” he said.

“That’s very good,” you said. He gave you a kiss, resting his hands along your hips. 

“Wanna take a walk with me?” he asked. You nodded and let him take your hand, following him downstairs and into the foyer where you dressed in your coats and boats, hats and scarves. You walked out the front with him and down the driveway a ways until you were on the private road up there, twinkle lights adorned in the trees.

“This really is beautiful up here, Dean,” you said, your gloved hands laced together.

“It is. Never really thought this would ever be my life growing up,” he said.

“We had holidays like this when we were younger,” you said. “It’s not really about the presents or the lights at the end of the day though.”

“No, it’s definitely not,” he said. “I know we only got here yesterday but are you enjoying it so far?”

“More than. I don’t dread these things anymore. I don’t dread life anymore.”

“Can I ask what your plans are for once Tessa goes to school next year? I know she’ll be living at home but she’s gonna be out and about more often,” he said.

“I don’t really know,” you said. “What about you?”

“Sammy’s interested in the place two doors down across the street. He might put an offer in,” said Dean. 

“What ya asking Dean?”

“If you asked me six months ago if I ever thought I’d love someone, I’d have said no that wasn’t for me. But then I met you and things changed. I’ve never really asked if you’re a marriage kind of gal I guess.”

“If I loved him I would marry him. I’d have a family of our own with him too,” you said. Dean nodded and you bumped his shoulder. “Death is the price we pay for living. But I think what I’ve learned these past six months is that caring and loving someone is worth the pain at the end of the day. The pain subsides and it’s still there but it doesn’t destroy you anymore. So yeah, I’m definitely open to marriage and kids and the dog with the white picket fence thing.”

“My fence is brown,” he chuckled.

“I can look past that detail,” you said. “Would you ever consider marriage?”

“Yes. I absolutely would,” he said. You smiled and he squeezed your hand. “You think I’m gonna like...propose or something now?”

“I think I love you and anything else, whenever or if ever that may be, it would just be a cherry on top,” you said. “I don’t need a ring or to be Mrs. Winchester to tell me how I feel.”

“I figured as much. Safer to ask though,” he said. He reached into his pocket with his free hand and held out a small wrapped box to you. “Merry Christmas sweetheart.”

You dropped his hand so you could unwrap it, finding a black box inside. You took off the lid and smiled, looking back over to Dean.

“You like it?” he asked shyly, blush appearing on his cheeks. “Tessa helped me pick it out.”

“Dean are you proposing?” you asked. He cocked his head and you turned the empty ring back towards him, his face falling.

“Oh my God. Oh my God,” he said, covering his face. “I never put it back in the box. It’s at home. Oh my God I’m so dumb.”

“Dean,” you smiled, tilting your head and wrapping your arms around him. “Is there something you’d like to ask me?”

“It would make this idiot very happy if you decided to marry him,” he said with a smile.

“M’kay,” you said, pulling him down for a deep kiss. “That’s a yes by the way.”

“Even if I’m an idiot?”

“Told you I don’t need a ring, Winchester,” you said. “Just need you...Mr. & Mrs. Winchester has a nice ring to it though.”

“Technically it’s Dr. and…” he trialed off as you kissed him again. “God I love you.”

“I love you,” you said, throwing your arms over his shoulders. He tripped and fell back in the snow, laughing as you went with him. “Fuck I love the shit out of you.”

“I second that,” he said, rolling you to your back and kissing you. “Your sister is a hard nut to crack you know.”

“Did you ask her about this?”

“She’s very protective of big sis...but she said some very sweet things to me,” he said.

“She’s a sucker for you guys,” you said. “But she’s not the only one.”

You rolled over and meant to put him on his back but you ended up shifting and rolling down the hill with him, landing in a big pile of snow. You couldn’t see him at first but he was giggling like a kid and it was just about the best sound you’d ever heard in your life.

“I love you,” you said as you sat up. He propped himself up on his elbows and grinned. You jumped on top of him and rolled around in the snow, throwing snowballs and playing until both your jeans were soaked through and the cold was getting to be a bit much.

“Hey. You want to warm up with me in the shower?” he said. 

“Absolutely,” you said. You walked back up the hill with him, picking up the box from the road. He threw his arm over your shoulders and tugged you close into his side. “Maybe we can even have a little fun in that jacuzzi tub.”

“That’s my girl,” he chuckled.

“That’s my boy,” you said, taking off your hat and pulling it over his head. 

“I can get used to that.” He took off your hat and his baseball cap, putting the cap on you and tugging your hat back on.

“You’re never getting that blue Henley back by the way,” you said.

“You’re never getting your black hoodie back,” he said. You stopped and he pushed his hat down over your face. 

“Dork,” you said, pushing it up and wrapping an arm around his waist. You walked up the road, chilly when you walked back inside. You took off your coat and boots, tossing everything on the rack. 

You caught Sam and Tessa peeking their heads down the hall, both of them in their bathing suits. They stared at you and Dean, both dripping water.

“Yes we’re engaged,” you said.

“Yes!” said Tessa, Sam giving her a high five.

“Finally,” said Sam.

“Don’t you two have people to go make out with in the hot tub?” said Dean.

“Gah, like I’d do that in front of him,” said Tessa. 

“I was having a perfectly good time with Eileen until you and Jack-“

“Goodnight guys,” you said.

“They got engaged!” shouted Sam, different parts of the house shouting back. Dean pulled you up the staircase and down to your room, locking the door behind you. 

“Hi,” you grinned, kissing his nose.

“Hi. Wanna warm up?”

“After you, sweetheart.”

Three Months Later

“I’m beat,” said Dean, arm slung over your shoulders as the two of you walked up the street towards your house. You’d spent the day helping Sam and Eileen move into Sam’s new house just down the road, sticking around to unpack dishes and boxes long after everyone else had gone home.

“Our boy is all grown up,” you teased, Dean leaning against you. “Happy Sammy’s so close by?”

“Yup,” he said with a smile. “I think us older siblings did an alright job.”

“We still have to get Tessa through college,” you said.

“She’ll be fine. She wants to major in medicine sciences. I may or may not be able to help her out there some,” he said.

“Nerd,” you said, getting a smack on the ass from him. “Boy.”

“Girl,” he said, smirking and kissing your cheek. “It’s not the easiest thing in the world, I know, but she’s smart. We can all help her out. Except her art minor homework. I have no clue on that,” he said.

“First semester will probably be the roughest.”

“She’ll be okay,” he said. “What I am worried about it the fact she’s making us dinner tonight.”

“Ten bucks says it’s box mac and cheese.”

“Oh she informed me that it would be epic. I have high expectations,” he said.

“Hm, that must clearly be a good sign,” you said, nodding to your front porch where a very burnt tray of something sat on the step.

“Is it too late for takeout?” he chuckled.

“Let’s hope not,” you said, climbing up the steps. “We’re home!”

“How’d it go? We saw the...wait...it smells shockingly good in here,” said Dean, taking off his coat.

“I’m a better chef than you two give me credit for,” she said from the kitchen, humming as she worked over the stove. “I burnt the biscuits but everything else is nearly done.”

“If it tastes as good as it smells we should have you cook for us more often,” you said. 

“Laugh it up,” she said. Dean pulled you upstairs and you washed off the sweat of working all day, changing into something relaxing in time to walk downstairs and spot Tessa setting plates down at the table. 

“Oh. Fancy,” you said, Dean pulling out your seat for you. You sat and he took his own, Tessa humming as she pulled out a bottle of wine from the fridge and sat it down on the table. “Alright. What are you up to? This is way too nice.”

“Nothing. I knew you guys would be tired and you guys always make me dinner and stuff,” she said.

“Mhm,” you hummed, Dean smirking up at her. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

“This what I get for being nice. I’m going over Jack’s,” she said.

“Make smart choices kiddo,” said Dean with a wink. She groaned and messed up his hair before she took off, Toast trotting after. “Take my car if you want, Tess.”

“Thank you!” she called back, ducking out the door after a moment.

“Well this was very nice of her,” you said. You cut into your chicken and paused, showing it to Dean and giggling.

“Maybe tomorrow we’ll show her how to use a meat thermometer, make sure the food is actually cooked,” he chuckled, picking up the plates and scraping the food in the trash.

“It’s the thought that counts,” you said, picking up the bottle of wine.

“Yes it is. What are you thinking?” he asked. “Taco Saturday?”

“I want a big ass burrito,” you said. “With extra cheese. And nachos.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, washing up his hands at the sink. “Wine and Mexican food. Perfect combo if I do say so myself.”

Three Months Later

“You got me a car!” said Tessa, hopping up and down when she opened the front door. She ran over to it and pulled off the bow, sliding in behind the wheel.

“You were worried she wouldn’t like a used one,” chuckled Dean in your ear.

“I was not,” you said, slapping his chest, Toast running out past you. You watched Sam and Eileen come out of their house a few down, Sam staring over in your direction. “We’ll meet you there!”

He waved and they climbed in, driving past with a honk as Tessa squealed. 

“Alright, alright,” said Dean. “We got a graduation to get to, ladies.”

“Cheers,” said Dean, laying back on the lounger on the balcony, toasting his glass to yours. You stretched out and rolled over closer to him, kissing him gently. “You’ve officially survived the high school phase.”

“Why do I feel like the college phase is harder,” you laughed.

“She’s already got the college boyfriend down,” he said.

“Yeah but Jack is Jack. He’s sweet. She’s the one I worry about.”

“You’ll always worry,” he said, his arm hanging loosely over your shoulders. “Kids sound like they’re having fun down there.”

“She’s happy. It’s all I could ever ask for.”

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“I’m home,” you said, resting your head on his shoulder. You hugged his waist, Dean shutting his eyes with a smile. “You want to get married next summer?”

“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he said. 

“Come on. You gotta have some opinions on this,” you said.

“I kinda like the idea of a spring wedding. Maybe May or something. I wouldn’t mind honeymooning somewhere on a beach,” he said.

“That sounds great,” you said, his fingers dancing along your arm. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Shoot.”

“I almost asked my dad if I could meet you once you know. The boy from the mail room. You seemed...I don’t know, like a really good person.”

“Did I meet expectations?” he asked.

“Blew right past them,” you said, getting a kiss on the temple. “You happy?”

“I got my girl. I got my brother. Got Tessa and Eileen and my friends and Toast and this little baby, Miracle,” he said, picking up the sleeping puppy beside him. “I have never been so happy in my life.”

“Good,” you said, kissing his cheek. “Want to go see if there’s any graduation cake left? Bet it’d go good with this bourbon.”

“God I love you,” he chuckled as he kissed you. “So fucking much.”

“Me too, Dean. Me too.”

_________

[wormstacheangel]

15x18 coda fic...?

I had an idea that bugged me so I wrote it. What if Dean just...threw himself at Cas while the Empty was taking him? Then this happened. (comfort/fluff/first kiss)

No.

Cas looked back at him. A smile so big and loving but heartbreaking all at once was still on his lips.  

No. No. No.

Dean watched it all from the ground where Cas had shoved him to protect him again because that’s what Cas does. He protects him. He saves him time after time. Everything he has done has been for...him. He always knew that Cas made it pretty clear but he could never accept it. It made no sense for an angel of the lord to sacrifice so much for him, for him specifically, but here he was doing it again. Sacrificing his life once again but it’s so much different this time. 

“No!” A shaky cry came out of him as he half lunged and crawled to take a hold of Cas’s legs that were already covered in black goo. 

Dean can feel the goo start to envelop him as well and while fear was completely eating at him, there was nothing in the damn universe that could make him let go. He held his breath as he pressed his face into Cas’s thigh and felt the goo crawling up his neck to finally swallow them. 

Then it was silent. 

Dean felt like he just woke up but he knew only a few seconds had passed. His grip was still tight on Cas’s legs but the goo was gone now. He let out the breath of air that was burning his lungs before he even dared to look up, the glare was so clearly burning into the top of his head.

“Dean?”

Dean still wasn’t thinking clearly as he hid his face into Cas’s thigh. Clinging to him as he kneeled at his feet because Cas was still with him. He could feel a sob trying to escape from his throat but he just buried his face deeper into Cas. Letting the tears fall but still, the goodbye was not processing with him. He was about to lose Cas again but he’s right here. He was still with him.

“Dean?”

Cas pulled his white-knuckled grip off of him as he kneeled down to look at him but Dean couldn’t stand the separation so he pulled Cas into a strong hug. One that must have surprised Cas as he made a gasping noise while Dean hid his face into the side of Cas’s face. Feeling the tickle of his hair on his lips and nose. Breathing in the scent of rain, Cas always carries and lets one of his hands buried themselves into his hair while the other wrapped around his shoulders to hold him close. He has him. 

Then he felt Cas’s shoulders shake. His arms remained at his side as his chin rested on Dean’s shoulder. He could just picture Cas’s face and it made him squeeze his eyes shut as he let out his own gasping sob. His hand grasping at Cas’s coat afraid to let go. Afraid he would really disappear again if his hold loosens because he has his own confession to say but everything was overwhelming him. 

“Cas,” Dean took a shaky breath against Cas’s skin before he rested his forehead on Cas’s shoulder. “Tell me again. Say it again. I need to know...I need to know it’s really you.”

Dean didn’t move as Cas’s hands finally touched him. He started making soft strokes down his spine, comforting and warm. Not at all desperate the way Dean was holding him. 

“Dean, Chuck has no hold on me. You know that. I’m real. My feelings are real. We… we are real.” His voice was still calm but he could hear softness in them still. The way he was still holding back cries.

“Then say it again.” Dean pushed back just enough to take Cas’s face in between his shaky hands. Their eyes meet for the first time since being here and Dean had to fight back another sob as he meets those watery blue eyes. With his thumbs, he wiped Cas’s tears away and desperately said, “Please. I need to hear you say it again.”

He smiled again as he started saying his name but Dean shook his head as he let his head hang between them. A shaky breath or laugh escaping him as his mind still fogged up, nothing making sense anymore.

“No, wait, shh!” He shook his head as if everything would clear up but he was still feeling a bit dizzy. Not ready to hear the words and finally accept them. “Shit, fuck, I’m not ready. Wait”

He heard Cas chuckle, felt the shaking in between his hands, before he said, “You’re so stupid.”

“Gee thanks, Cas, and here I thought you loved me.” The teasing came out so naturally that it shocked Dean when those words escaped his lips. 

Of course, Cas would not skip a beat as he said, “I do - love you I mean - but I also think you’re an idiot at times. Like right now for instance.” He pulled Dean’s hands off of him but held them tightly on his lap. Dean looked up to meet his glare. “Jumping into the grasp of The Empty? Really, Dean?”

“Cas, I-I can’t lose you again.” Dean shook his head as he looked back at him. Watching Cas strain to hold back his emotions as tears continued to flow. 

“Dean, it’s fine. I was at peace with my decision. If it meant saving you,” Cas looked down at their hands moving them just enough so the desperation wasn’t showing. Cas sat back on the black hollow floor and held one of Dean’s hands. Held it as if they were going to go for a nice walk instead of discussing his own sacrifice. “I’ll do anything.”

Dean sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder as their hands rested on Cas’s knee. “So what? I’m supposed to willingly let you go?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Cas rolls his eyes as he uses his free hand to wipe his face. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

“Well, I do.”

“No.” Cas says firmly as he shakes his head. He made a move to let go of their hands but Dean only tightened his grip. Cas sighs as he looks down at their hands again before looking back at Dean. Softer but still an edge. “No, you need to leave.”

“He’s right you know.” Dean turns towards the familiar voice and sees Meg appear before them. Her smile wild and manic as she glared down at them. He instantly stood up to block Cas from her view. “No humans in my void.”

“I’m not leaving without, Cas.” He could feel Cas’s hand gripping at the back of his shirt, ready to yank him out of the way at the first sign of trouble. 

“Dean,” Cas started but Dean reached behind him to squeeze his wrist.

“Shut up.” Dean tells him before looking back at Meg or not Meg. “We’re kind of a package deal so you might as well throw us both back.”

She chuckles before she takes a shaky step towards them. “Humans aren’t supposed to be here. You shouldn’t be here. You’re being too noisy. Everything is too loud now!”

Dean pulled at Cas’s wrist to pull him in close. To just make sure he was there. “Then let us continue our conversation back at home and we’ll leave you alone.”

“No! Castiel and I had a deal.”

“Fine! Send me back alone but you’ll never get peace.” Dean threatened as he pulled Cas along with him when he took a step towards Meg. “You’re gonna deal with my stubborn ass poking at you again and again until I get him back. Cause trust me, sweetheart, I’m not someone who gives up easily. I killed Death already, twice, and you’re going to be next on my list.”

Meg just started to giggle, low and deep, before she started to full-on laugh. Throwing her head back before she looked back at them with her wild smile. She grabbed her head as she closed her eyes. “I just...I want to sleep! Let me sleep.”

“What if we promised not to bother you?” Cas stepped forward and away from Dean’s grasp. “We were all betrayed by Billie but what if we work together again. Help each other get what we want. You get your peace again and we-”

“You guys walk out of here?” Cas only nodded while Dean couldn’t stop himself from reaching for Cas, his hands grasping at his trench coat. She eyed them both. “I never want either of you or that...Jack, here again.”

“Got it. We can do that.” Dean says as he stands beside Cas. Looking over at him while Cas kept his eyes forward. Standing strong and confident while his face was a blank stare but Dean could see his mind running. “Cas?”

“We still need to defeat Chuck. I can’t promise I’ll make it out of that alive. I may be back here in a few hours or days after we return.” Cas doesn’t look at him as he talked but at Meg who was glaring back at him. “If you help us defeat him maybe we can all finally have peace.”

“How?”

“I summon you again.” 

Dean opened his mouth to argue but Cas shook his head at him, holding his hand out to stop him from talking but Dean instead took it. Intertwining their fingers together to let Cas know that if it’s a dumb suicidal plan again then he better be ready for him to follow him into the damn dark again. 

“I summon you when I am close to Chuck and you-”

“And I’ll bring him here.” Meg finished Cas’s sentence with a smirk. “Where he is powerless.”

“He has Amara in him so that would keep them both alive. Keep the balance.” Dean adds as Cas eyes finally turn to look at him with a smile on his lips as things start to fall in place. He squeezes his hand with a hopeful look because maybe, just maybe, they had a chance for some real happiness. 

“We got work to do then.” Cas tells Dean before turning back to Meg.

She looks back at them with a less strained and creepy smile before she says, “I’ll be waiting for your summon then? I’m still connected to you, Castiel, so I’ll hear you.”

Cas gave a solid nod while Dean didn’t like the sound of that at all. He was about to open his mouth to ask what that meant but then Meg waved her hand and they were in the dark again. 

Dean woke up face down back in the dungeon. He blinked awake as he sat up trying to get his head on straight when he sprang up to look for Cas, afraid he was left behind. That he was tricked and this was how he finds out that he actually lost Cas. He lost him before he could even-

“Oh.” Dean turns to find Cas passed out behind him. He was laying on his back with his tie draped across his face. He couldn’t help but chuckle wanting to add another picture to his collection but there were more important things to do, to say, right now. “Cas?”

He crawled over to him and moved his tie as he shook his shoulders to wake him. “Come on, sleeping beauty, time to get up.”

Cas groaned as his eyes tighten up before he opens them, squinting up at Dean with a confused haze. “Dean?”

“Yeah, buddy, come on.” Dean helped sit him but then he was pulled into an overwhelming hug. The relief that was running out of Cas was heavy as his grip was tight but for the first time, Cas turned his head to hide his face into Dean’s neck. “Cas?”

Cas shook his head and once again Dean felt the angel shake with silent cries. 

Dean held on to him as he tried to comfort him but his own tears were blinding him. Cas was here, alive and in his arms. He almost lost him again and just like every other time he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to go on. How was he supposed to care about saving a world that he wanted to escape from? Now, now everything was right again. Well, almost everything.

Dean pulled back just enough to look back at Cas’s red-rimmed eyes, the most he has ever seen the angel cry. 

“You’re a mess.” He reached over to wipe Cas’s face with his sleeve and that made Cas slowly smile before a choke of a laugh escaped him.

“Yeah, well you don’t look so hot either.” Cas copied him, Dean’s face being wiped clean by the rough fabric of the dirty old trench coat. His smile slow-growing before he was grinning, dazzling, and beautiful as his fingers then replaced the fabric. Then the smile became a pout again as he tried to fight back more tears. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t want to leave you but I saw no other way to save you.”

His fingers reached to caress Dean’s face with no hesitation. Dean cloaked Cas’s hands with his own before he asked again. “Tell me now.”

Cas rolled his eyes as he shared his you’re-such-an-idiot smile. “Dean, are you sure this time?”

“Yeah, Cas, say it again.”

Cas features all soften as he relaxed while he looked into his eyes. There was never fear in Cas’s eyes while he took a deep breath. He looked so happy so...in love.

“I love you, Dean.”

Dean let go of the breath he must have been holding as he read Cas’s lips. His voice echoing in his head, trying to compare both of the confessions but they both sounded so confident. This time though it wasn’t a goodbye. No, this was just the beginning for them. 

Dean let his forehead fall against Cas’s own, a move that surprised Cas as he froze under the touch. He felt too overwhelmed with it all but it’s true. His angel loved him, the words that always were unspoken between them were finally out in the open. That whole speech was Cas. It was how he truly felt about Dean and maybe he wasn’t as good with his words as Cas but he could at least say it.

“I love you, Cas.” Dean fought the lump in his throat. “I love you. You...you have me. You always had me.”

“Dean.” Cas gasped out still unmoving as all of this was new territory for them but it wasn’t weird. It wasn’t uncomfortable but just unsure. Still hesitant. As if they both couldn’t believe they finally crossed this dumb line they drew themselves. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, dumbass,” Dean pulled back just enough that their noses touched but he wasn’t ready to be so far away from him just yet. “Are you?”

“Yes!” Cas said sounding half annoyed that Dean ever doubted him in the first place and half thrilled that he could finally say it. “It’s one of the few things I know for certain. I love you, Dean.”

“Cool. Can I…?” Dean wanted to ask but now he finally felt the embarrassment, the one that always crawled up his neck when they were found too close together. Lost in each other’s gaze and always drifting closer without words.

“Please do.”

Dean watched Cas's eyes drift closed and just when he got the confidence to lean in he heard his name being called out in the halls. Desperate and scared.

“Sam?” Cas turned towards the hall and heard Jack call back to him. “Jack!”

Dean let himself be pulled up by Cas before they were both almost tackled down by their kid. “You’re alive!”

“Barely,” Dean mumbled as Cas turned to narrow his eyes at him, telling him not to worry the kid so much. “We’re fine. How are you guys?”

Sam walked in then and they get the cliff notes of Sam and Jack’s missing person’s case. Then it was their turn to do the same, leaving out the whole them part out of it. Now they had to figure out how they can make Chuck bring all these people back before they shove his ass into the Empty. 

“Come on, we can check the town out.” Sam tells them and Jack follows right behind him. 

Cas was going to follow them right out the door but Dean then grabbed his arm to pull him back to him. Taking his face in his hands and before Cas could say anything, though his wide eyes made him believe that Cas wasn’t about to say anything to stop him, Dean leaned in to finally kiss him.

Letting himself melt against Cas as he has always wanted to. Moving his hands to wrap around his waist, under the coat and jacket, to hold him close to his chest. Wanting more as Cas carefully rested his hands on his shoulders as if not knowing what to do with them but he was so confident in the kiss as he moved his lips along with his own with the same eagerness.  

Then he pulled away too quickly as his hot breath tickled Dean’s lips. His bright eyes looking down at his lips then back at his eyes. “We have to go, Dean.”

“Okay,” Dean leaned down for a quick peek and he couldn’t stop his chuckle as Cas chased after his lips. “Let’s go save the world and then we can pick this up later. Deal?”

Cas nodded, flashing Dean a smile before he said, “Of course, Dean.”

“Guys! Come on!” 

Dean takes Cas’s hand squeezing it before they raced back down the hall to meet up with Sam. A last chapter in Chuck’s story starting but they knew they had the power to write their own ending because they are real. This is real. 

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 99

Here we have the aftermath of the Warlord Bowl. 

Here, we finally... FINALLY get to see Jokul as a person and not a far-off mysterious bad guy. Consciously, there was never any intent to compare Jokul to people who don’t understand how politics work: @zommbiebro​ isn’t even American, for one thing, and therefore neither is Jokul. However, reading it on the last pass before posting, I realized how it could be taken.

The part that isn’t relevant to the chapter: While I didn’t mean that comparison, please make sure you vote in any local elections available to you, if it doesn’t risk your life. No matter how much you feel your vote doesn’t matter, it does. If everyone who didn’t vote decided to do so, it would change the world.

In my own country, I’ll be taking time off work - because I have that ability - and taking local people to polls that ordinarily would be inaccessible to them within their district.

Back to the chapter relevant stuff: Thank you to @zommbiebro​ for giving me such a good character to play with, @charlylimph-blog​ for reading to ensure entertainment, and @baelpenrose​ for beta reading in every way that entails.

After a quick dinner at the first mess we came across - and true to my promise, I didn’t cook anything - Arthur, Antoine and I reconvened with Jokul in my office. As agreed, he brought only two of his own people, who sat on either side of him in a mirror to how I was bracketed by my own friends.

Unfortunately, they entered as I was mulling out loud the possibility of making hot pot for family dinner one night.  Even less fortunately, the ginger who I had thrown in the gym was one of the people who walked through my door while I was debating the logistics of meat versus vegetarian options.

“She doesn’t even take us seriously!” the nasal voice complained, interrupting me.

Simultaneously, several things happened. I opened my mouth to retort, Arthur put a hand over my mouth, Antoine pushed my shoulder back into the chair.

And Jokul spoke up.

“We agreed to meet with them if Farro beat me in combat.  He did, we are here, and there will be no further argument on the matter.” If anything, he sounded weary rather than angry. “She did not even request that we cease acting against her, only that we meet as equals. It is the least we can do.”

I didn’t even know forehead cramps were a thing until I gave myself one with the speed of my eyes widening. Slowly, Arthur lowered his hand so I could speak. “Right,” I coughed. “So, there are a few things I want to know.”

“Such as?” 

“Why am I your target?” I blurted out. Of everything, this was the one that was weighing heaviest on me. I felt if I could understand that, I would know how to tackle the rest. 

To my frustration, he fucking shrugged. “You are emblematic of everything that will destroy our chance at a new start,” he stated calmly, like he was telling me his name.

I sputtered before regaining my composure. “How? How am I doing something badly?”

“You only want to consolidate power, rule over the masses!” the red-haired toady honked at me.

The overblown statement and Jokul’s subsequent glare at his own man was a level of ridiculous I couldn’t handle at that moment.  Laughing ruefully, I wiped away a tear that warned me I was close to hysterical. “I don’t want to rule over anyone, dude.  If I had my preference, I would only decide what I want to eat once or twice  a week for the rest of my life.”

“But you rule over the Council,” Jokul pointed out in a confused tone.

“I don’t rule anyone, buddy. I am on the Council largely against my will, and mostly because no one else who is qualified even wants my job. Trust me, I’ve tried.” Gods had I tried.

His next statement was significantly less confident. “But you took the reins of power…”

“I am a glorified event coordinator and human resources officer. I have a staff of exactly two. One is my sister, who has been in her role longer than I’ve been in mine and only listens to me when it’s convenient. The other is my assistant, who is British as hell and listens to me on about equal level with my cat.”

“The Baconists! Your assistant was part of that rebellion! You must have known and hidden it from our hosts!” I had to give him some begrudging credit. Even he didn’t sound like he believed his own words, and if the smug look from Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber on either side of him was anything to go by, that wasn’t his own theory.

Time to set the record straight, it seemed. “Okay, quick reminder: that bitch tried to kill me,” I enunciated carefully, leaning forward as I spoke.  “She nearly succeeded. That wasn’t a cover up, it was her realizing that I talk to myself in the shower and listening long enough to hear me think through what was going on. As far as hiding her intent from our hosts… You’re only half right. Miys doesn’t read minds, contrary to what people think, they only read intent. That nutjob really did think she was doing the best thing for the universe by wiping humanity off the proverbial map. Nothing for Miys to pick up, she actually had what she thought were good intentions.”

“You have built yourself to be this legendary hero -”

“I didn’t build myself to be jack. Effing. Shit. If I had my preference, I would give you my position, and open a restaurant that does cooking classes.” When he opened his mouth to interject, I held up a hand to stop him. “Miys likes me because I talk to myself, even in my head, and so badly that they can still hear what I am saying when I don’t move my lips. I only survived being attacked by a crazy person because I treat the person who saved me like, you know, a person? Make sure he’s okay, give him his space when he wants it, sass him back when he wants to be sassy. It was just sheer, dumb luck, and I’m not even sure it was good luck, because voila!” I flung my hands wide at the current situation, forcing both Arthur and Antoine to duck. A quick glance at Antoine only rendered one of his eloquent shrugs. Must be handling the situation okay if he doesn’t think I need help.

I was less concerned with Arthur’s opinion, not because I didn’t care, but because I knew he would jump in when he felt it was needed, without prompting or permission.

“So you do not want to rule over us all?” Jokul asked carefully.

“I don’t even want to top one of my boyfriends consistently.”

“Sophia!” Antoine hissed with a miserable expression, while Arthur burst into a coughing fit. I wasn’t sure if the latter was trying to cover a laugh of choking. 

Jokul, on the other hand, seemed to take that at face value  “Then why are you in power? Explain that.”

With a heavy sigh, I tried again. “I’m not in power. Decisions are voted on by the Council. If someone brings me an idea for a class, or an architectural project, or a medical possibility, I pass it off to the Councilor who handles that and let it go from there.” Emphatically, I pointed at my own face. “Again, glorified events coordinator and HR.”

“And yet, you have your pet warlord sitting beside you. Explain that away,”Tweedledumb - the brunette on Jokul’s other side - accused.

I whipped my head to look at the subject of that statement before looking back across the table. “Arthur?” I asked, jerking a thumb in his general direction. “You do realize he’s a teacher first, right? Warlord out of need, but that ‘need’ was protecting the students in his history class when everything went to shit? Don’t get me wrong, we butted heads like you would not believe when we first met in person. But we realized halfway through what looked to be one hell of an argument that we knew each other for - fuck, like, a decade? Maybe less? - before the End. I didn’t ‘win him over.’ We just realized we’ve always been friends.” With a shrug I glanced back at Arthur, who also shrugged before nodding.

“Too convenient, Councilor.” Tweedledumb gloated. “You just happened to be friends with someone who - “

“Oh for FUCK’s sake!” Annnnd there it was.  Someone had reached his limit for diplomacy and stupidity. “We met on a fanfiction site writing a crossover of two of the worst pieces of science fiction ever written and mutually infected each other! FUCK!” Crossing his arms, he started muttering to himself. “Not like finding someone to kick your asses is hard…”

After a glare at the darker-haired idiot, and with an expression that looked like he was entirely regretting his choice of people for this meeting, Jokul schooled his features before addressing me directly. “Fanfiction?” he asked in a skeptical tone.

And the dirty truth comes out, I thought with another sigh. “StarDoc and Warhammer 40K, okay? It was fun, no fandom to cheese off, nothing smutty. Just… fun.” When the nostalgia threatened to overtake me, I shook my head vigorously. “The point is, we knew each other for years Before the world went to shit, and only realized when one of my friends landed in his class and there was a data error.  I don’t even like violence.” Antoine gave me a skeptical look so I clarified. “Usually.”

“And yet you are a combatant!” Jokul stated with certainty, clearly on more familiar ground.

Angrily, I scowled at Tweedle-the-ginger before leaning forward to look into Jokul’s eyes. “Look. I don’t know how it was in Canada, with your mooses and shit, but I really, really want to know: Do you honestly believe that anyone who got through the After did it without learning how to defend themselves? Even more, that any woman who made it, didn’t learn to fight dirty?”

“Not if you know how to have people defend you - “ Jokul tried before I cut him off.

“They don’t defend me because I’m helpless, let’s be clear. They defend me because I will only fight back if I know my life is on the line. But, on the same page, I will protect my friends and family from anything, without reserve, and die for them. No hesitation.” With a deep breath, I sat back rather than jumping over the table.  “I have my flaws, and my sister will tell you the biggest among those is that I trust too easily.  I assume the best in, literally, everyone.”

“Except smartass teacher, apparently,” Arthur said in a fake cough that fooled exactly nobody.

After making a face at my friend, I turned back to the moose in the room. “What that means is, I don’t try to defend myself until it is literally your life or mine. Or both. I don’t really care at that point, because I assume I’m not going to make it. I just want the person I’m fighting to go down with me.” Trying to imitate Charly’s most savage grin, I put on a forced-cheerful tone. “Now, tell me, Jokul. Who would rather have faced in that fight, knowing that?”

His eyes darted between Arthur and myself as he swallowed hard, mulling the implications of that. “You would kill and die for your friends’ safety and health, even if you would only protect yourself at the last moment?” Here, he scoffed. “There is nothing exceptional or even special about that. Many who were in power in the After felt the same.”

“Except I don’t want power,” I repeated in a tone that I previously reserved only for small children. “I just told you that.” In the corners of my eyes, I saw both of my friends nodding so hard I was concerned for their spines.

Before I could try to reason with Jokul any more, Arthur jumped in. “If you’re both done arguing righteousness, let me explain a few things. Jokull. First off, Soph actually doesn’t want to rule, or be on the Council. She told you this. She’s also bitched about it to me, her sister, and anyone else who will listen, at length. On top of being too trusting, her biggest flaw is actually an impulsivity problem, in general. But she’s not an autocrat.” As he gestured, I saw his eyes glaze over, his voice taking on a serene tone that was entirely too familiar. “If Soph was a real autocrat, she’d have let us have our little duel armed, with my sword and - I presume you’d have had an ax? Maybe a broadsword? You look like a broadsword guy... any rate.”

“However,” he continued, leaning forward with a thoughtful expression, like he was puzzling something out. “she made me promise not to kill you. Think about that. After you’ve been nothing but a headache and a threat to her and her family for months, she makes me promise not to kill you. I wanted to, you know.” The wistful sigh that accompanied that statement was entirely unnecessary and I was certain he only did it to irritate me.  “I wanted to kill you and have your lifeless corpse thrown out of the airlock like trash, not because of the Council, not because your Viking gimmick wears out in a hurry, but because you made the mistake of threatening a friend, then slapping a student. I had no idea if you were actually going to seriously harm any of them, and I didn’t care. The threat alone was enough to make me decide I wanted you dead.” Tapping his chin briefly, he pointed at Jokul without actually looking at him. “Because you were an unknown quantity, but no matter whether or not you were actually the threat you claimed to be, your corpse would be harmless.”

Arthur shrugged before looking Jokul in the face. “That’s how warlords handled things in the After, isn’t it? When someone threatened your people, or when someone threatened mine? I didn’t negotiate. I didn’t warn. I doubt you did, either. I took them at their word, and I did unto them first. And I’d bet you did the same. ‘Peace’ was what you called it when everyone who wanted to make war on you or your people was dead. That’s what the After taught me, that’s what it taught you.” After emphasizing his point by gesturing between the two of them, he shook his head.  “And that impulse, that set of lessons? That's not what humanity needs right now. Our skill set as leaders is not what humanity needs right now. If you want humanity to have a fresh start as you claim, drop the hostility, drop the self-righteousness, and actually try listening. Do you want a genuine peace with the Council?” Thoughtfully, he stroked the hilt of his sword where it laid across his lap. 

I knew it was the fondness of being reunited with a long lost limb, but Jokul didn’t know that. 

“Or a warlord’s peace with me?” In a creepy way, Arthur’s tone was downright perky. “I prefer a genuine one. A warlord’s idea of peace is one of the things I want to leave in the ashes of the After. That’s why it’s the Council who make the rules here - not warlords.”

With an alarmed expression, Jokul very slowly glanced at me. “Did he just threaten to kill me and shove me out an airlock?”

“No, he’s pouting because I wouldn’t let him do that,” I answered honestly.  The topic had come up, for a solid fifteen seconds.  I was even reasonably sure Arthur had been joking.

“I don’t - “ Arthur started  indignantly before being cut off by Jokul.

“He makes a good point. Our skills as warlords are not what is needed in this new world. I let myself believe people who told me that the Council in general and you specifically wanted to hoard power and privilege over us, just like the people who led Earth to where it ended up.” He glanced nervously at Arthur, who was still stroking his sword, before forging ahead in a somewhat squeakier tone. “If someone who has had real power agrees that you and the Council are the best option, then I will at least try to see how that would work.”

Here, Antoine joined the conversation. “Militant strength and ruling by force aren’t the only forms of power. We do not want that sort of power over us anymore. The Council leads because the people on this ship largely want to follow them.  That is the kind of power no one can force.  It has to be earned.”

“But the Council still makes decisions without our will - “

Shaking my head, I angrily flicked open my datapad and shot a file to him like I was thumping off an insect. “No, Bjornson, we don’t.  I was elected to my position - without my knowledge, might I add - by the people I represent to the Council. Every decision we make, the people on this ship get a vote with the exception of an emergency like what happened on Level One.  There wasn’t time to have a vote on how to handle that.”

“Although, we have had a lot of emergencies lately, so I understand the confusion,” Arthur interjected.

Is this what hallucinations feel like? I wondered. There was no way in frozen hell Arthur just made a point in Jokul’s favor, but the calm, resigned look on his face told me that, at some point, he seemed to have made peace with having to treat Jokul Bjornson as a sentient being. I was going to pass out if I kept sighing, though. “Okay, true. But everything else - Insert Winter Holiday, the swimming area, the diving docks, food festivals, permanent low stimulation areas throughout the ship, Galactic Core education - those were voted on by the people on this ship, with an overwhelming majority in favor.”

“What about the alarms?” Jokul pointed to his own head for emphasis.

“Also voted on, believe it or not,” I confirmed. “ And most of the ship agreed that there was more benefit in not running into people who would react badly to unexpected touch than there was discomfort at the alarms going off.”

“I tested them myself, monsieur.” Antoine offered. ���So I am well acquainted with the volume they are calibrated for, and I do not appreciate you disabling them.  My staff have had to work around the clock to treat the damage your people have caused to others on this ship, who are terrified to leave their quarters now.”

Jokul looked a bit guilty at that, as well as his entourage.  Looked like he hadn’t considered that. “Would you believe me if I told you that was originally an accident?” he admitted sheepishly.  “One of the engineers thought it would be funny to shock another one in the neck with a low level electrical current, right behind the ear.” He turned his head and pointed to a small burn scar in the same place. “It took days for them to notice that the proximity alarm didn’t work anymore.”

To my shock, Antoine started swearing angrily in French, so fast even the translator couldn’t keep up. “Sophia, if I find out Charly Harper is the cause of this…”

Jokul shook his head vigorously. “I can assure you it was not Miss Harper.” His focus slid over to me, eyes wide.

Either this motherfucker just lied to keep Charly out of trouble, or she really was innocent.

“That explains why Derek and Zach couldn’t figure out how they did it,” Arthur pointed out. “You can’t hack into something that’s shorted out.”

Jokul spoke up again. “It also… may? Have caused some translation inconsistencies?”

“So the shock corrupted more files than just the alarms,” I stated in clarification.

“Several, in fact, yes…. Specifically signed languages and tonal languages.”

“That’s… that’s at least a third of the ship…” I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to sob in horror or laugh hysterically.

Jokul groaned before cradling his head in his hands. “I am aware, yes.”

<< Prev  Masterlist  Next >>

[violetwolfraven]

2/2 Still me! That last thing, And/or Some good ol' platonic Ralbert! Honestly, I have no specific ideas but I'm also not picky! Anything where we can see our boys loving and supporting eachother in a good healthy platonic relationship is a wonderful thing if you ask me!

Platonic ralbert coming right up! Unfortunately this turned a little angsty on me but whatever. Joke’s on me for thinking I have the capability to not be a dramatic little shit and not run with the first semi-angsty idea I get, I guess.

Also I hope you don’t mind that I’m including background redfinch and sprace in here, but it’s mostly platonic ralbert. This takes place a few months before canon. I will probably write a followup redfinch thing, but you might wanna send an ask cause I’m pretty busy and I’ll probably forget lol. Anyway, enjoy. :)

...

Race knew that something was wrong when Albert plopped down on the end of his bed, staring at the bottom of his bunk above.

“Albie?”

It took a five count for Albert to look over at him, and Race was alarmed to see pain in his eyes.

Putting the book he’d borrowed from Specs (which surprisingly wasn’t boring) aside, Race scooted closer to his best friend, poking him in the side to make him sit up.

“What’s wrong?”

Albert pulled his legs up onto the bunk, sitting criss-cross applesauce, “Promise not to laugh?”

“Albie, you once caught me sneakin’ into the Lodging House at 2 AM with 6 stolen shirts and half a loaf of stale bread. You haven’t paid for your papes in a week and I know for a fact that ya ain’t told your dad where you really got that hat ya gave him for his birthday.”

Albert smirked, “I stole it from Oscar Delancey.”

“I know,” Race said, “That’s my point. We both pull a lot of shit and we both know about all the shit each other pulls. We have no ability to judge each other. So, what’s up?”

He was still hesitating, so Race sighed.

“Yes, I promise not to laugh. What is it?”

“What does it feel like when you’re with Spot?” Albert blurted.

Race was, honestly, kind of caught off guard.

“What?”

“I know ya like him,” Albert said pointedly, “Like that. I know ya have feelin’s for him. If ya didn’t, you wouldn’t be with him. I know you better than just about anyone, Race. That’s how I know how gone ya are for Conlon.”

This... wasn’t like Albert. Sure, he was known as the resident Causer of Chaos, but he was 100% serious, here. He was seriously asking about how Race felt about Spot.

This was especially weird considering... considering a while ago, Race had rejected Albert on the account that he didn’t feel that way about him. And even knowing it wouldn’t be fair to either of them if he pretended he did, it had made Race uncomfortable, knowing he’d caused his best friend pain.

Albert never asked about Spot. He knew they were a thing, kind of, but whenever they hung out, they both usually tried to pretend that romance didn’t exist, just talking about other things and daring each other to do dumb shit. That was their normal.

So why was he changing it now?

“I don’t see why that’s your business,” Race said at last, when he found his voice.

Albert groaned, “Oh, believe me. I don’t need details ‘bout... that. Just... why do ya like him? What does that part feel like?”

Race was super confused. Besides the fact that talking about this wasn’t their normal, it didn’t seem like jealousy. And yet it felt heavier than plain old gossip, too.

“Albie,” he said slowly, “What’s this about?”

Albert wouldn’t meet Race’s eyes as he took a deep breath, speaking quietly.

“I don’t know what love feels like. And you’s the only person who’s in love that I trust enough to talk ‘bout this.”

Race was now even more confused, but he focused on the part that he could understand.

“You don’t know what love feels like?”

Albert groaned, “It’s just... it’s stupid! My dad and my brothers was never real... touchy-feely... with me. I knows I care ‘bout them, even though they’s been real distant ever since I can remember, but that makes me confused, cause honestly I care ‘bout you, and Jack, and the others more. I’d die for all you’s, and I know family’s supposed to come first, but the fellas feel more like family than my real family, so... so I know how that feels.”

Race nodded, “Yeah. I get that. Just cause it ain’t the romantic type don’t mean that ain’t love, Albie.”

“But it’s different! I know ‘cause... ‘cause I remember what I felt for you.”

Race took a deep breath. The awkward tension rising right now was why they never talked about this.

“Well... yeah, it’s different. Bein’ sweet on someone ain’t like lovin’ ‘em like a sibling.”

“Yeah, but...” Albert made a frustrated sound, “There’s somethin’ else, too, and it’s like that, but different. And I don’t wanna call it love if it ain’t, but... I don’t know what it is.”

Oh. So that was why he was asking this.

God, Race was an idiot. He did miss a lot of gossip, spending his days in Brooklyn, but he would’ve thought he wouldn’t miss something as big as his best friend falling in love.

That was on him. He had a couple guesses as to who it was, but he should have been paying more attention to Albert these last couple months. He’d know for sure if he had.

“Spot’s...” he shrugged, “It’s like... I talk a lot, right?”

“Ain’t that the truth?”

“Shut up. With Spot, it’s like he gets it. Whatever I’m ramblin’ about, he knows what to say back. He can keep up with me, and sometimes, it’s like... I don’t have to ramble with him. Cause he already understands the point I’m tryin’ to make, even if I don’t understand it. And there’s somethin’ in how he don’t show his cards to anyone, but he shows ‘em to me. He drops his guard with me.”

Albert snorted, “What, so Spot Conlon ain’t actually the tough badass he pretends to be?”

“No, he’s definitely still a badass. But he’s got a soft side, too. Most outside of Brooklyn just don’t get to see it. That’s why it matters so much that I do. I can tell that he trusts me. And I can trust him, too.”

Albert stared at the floor for a couple seconds.

Then he huffed, “That don’t help at all.”

Race rolled his eyes, “Albie, ya ain’t gonna get a better explanation than that. It ain’t somethin’ that’s simple.”

Clearly, Albert had been hoping it was, but Race wasn’t sure if he could ask who it was his best friend was so messed up over, because it clearly wasn’t him anymore.

“How do ya know he loves ya back?”

Race froze, because to be honest...

He didn’t. He knew Spot cared, in his own guarded, careful way, but he wasn’t sure if it was as strong as what Race was feeling for him.

“Ya never really know,” he admitted, “Not unless he actually tells you.”

Albert took a deep breath, his shoulders shaking a bit as he did.

“I think I’m in love with Finch.”

“Oh my...” Race scoffed, “How did I not see that?”

“I didn’t let ya,” Albert pointed out, “And him and I... we ain’t... together, exactly. But we’s been gettin’ closer lately and... I think I love him, Race. I just don’t know.”

Race put his hand on his best friend’s shoulder, tugging him in for a hug that he didn’t seem to know what to do with.

“Albie, if ya think you love him, you owe it to yourself to find out for sure.”

“But ain’t that unfair to him if I don’t?”

“You said you weren’t sure if he loved ya back,” Race pointed out.

“Yeah, but...”

“Al, I know ya thought I didn’t notice, but you sulked for weeks after... what happened. You’s been happier lately, and now I’m thinkin’ that might be because of Finch. The fact that you’re more worried ‘bout you hurtin’ him than him hurtin’ you says a lot. I can’t say what you feel for sure, but for what it’s worth...”

Race squeezed him one more time, letting go, “I’m happy for you.”

Albert took another deep breath, “I’m happy for you, too.”

That meant a lot. Though Race would do what he wanted whether Albert approved or not, he definitely appreciated him saying he did.

“Seriously,” Albert said, shoving him in the shoulder, “I ain’t seen you as happy as ya are with Spot... well, ever. You never woulda found that with me. I’m happy ya did with him.”

“I don’t know if he feels the same,” Race admitted, “I mean, I know he cares, cause we’s been friends a long while, but...”

“Ya love him and you don’t know if he loves you back?”

Race nodded, “Yeah. Guess I deserve it, though, after what I did to you.”

“Hey. That was different. You made it clear you didn’t love me and refused to start anythin’ cause of that. If Spot doesn’t love ya, he’s been leadin’ ya on. Worse than that—he’s been usin’ ya.”

Race would be lying if he said that wasn’t something he worried about sometimes.

Well, he didn’t think Spot was the type to use someone like that, but...

What if this was just ‘friends with benefits’ to him? After all, it wasn’t like they’d ever actually talked about what they were. When they made out, it was all physical. They weren’t doing much talking during that. And when they did talk, it was always about other things. In front of other people, they were nothing more than friends.

Albert patted his knee, “Well, if he hurts ya, I’ll beat his ass.”

“He’ll kill you.”

“Then you’ll have to avenge me, and you stand even less of a chance than I do in a fight, and then we’ll both be dead. We can be ghosts together. We’ll haunt his ass.”

Race slapped his best friend in the arm, “Let’s go back to your problem. ‘Bout how you’re gonna get the boy.”

“But...” Albert sighed, “I barely know how I feel. How can I know what he feels?”

He was obviously stalling, but Race decided not to point that out just now. He threw an arm around his friend.

“Look. Albie. That’s a risk you’re gonna have to take. But for what it’s worth, you’s the bravest guy I know. Except maybe Jack. And Crutchie. And does Smalls count? She’s a girl, so I can’t say she’s the bravest guy, but—“

Albert shoved him, laughing, “Shut up.”

“But seriously, you’re willin’ to fight Spot Conlon for me and you’re scared of a little rejection? C’mon, Albie.”

“Oh, I will fight any kid in this city,” Albert declared, “Plenty of adults, too. Fightin’ ain’t a problem. It’s simple. Feelin’s are... messy.”

“Yeah, but you can do this, Al! You’s one of the bravest guys I know. And Finch? He’s queer, cute, and clearly cares ‘bout ya. I’ll admit I didn’t notice before, but thinkin’ back, I’d say he’s probably at least interested.”

Albert stood up, finally looking Race in the eye. He looked nervous, but ready.

“I’m gonna go get the boy.”

“Fuck yeah! Go get that boy!”

He looked like he was going to leave, then hesitated, “I should probably figure out what to say first.”

“No!” Race insisted, “You’ll just chicken out! Go! Go now, Al! Go get your boy!”

“He’s not my—“

“And he won’t be if ya don’t go get him!”

Race slapped his best friend in the butt to get him towards the door.

“Alright, I get it! God, Race! I’m goin’!”

“Well ya ain’t goin’ fast enough!”

He kept shoving until Albert was clear out the door and both of them were laughing.

“Go!” Race exclaimed one more time, shoving him away.

“Thanks so much for the one good piece of advice ya actually gave me!” Albert called sarcastically, “And Race?”

“Are you gonna go, or not?”

Albert put his hands up, “I’m goin’! Jeez! It’s just... if I’m tellin’ Finch, you should tell Spot. He’s King of Brooklyn, and... well, I even ain’t heard rumors of him bein’ with anyone else, so I don’t think you’d be as close to him as you are if he didn’t feel the same way.”

Race nodded, having no intention of actually following that advice, “Maybe. I’ll think on... does this mean we can talk ‘bout boys now?”

Albert rolled his eyes, “If this goes well, we can talk about whatever you want. If not, you’re buyin’ the booze.”

Race grinned, “Fair.”

Well, whatever way this went, it should be interesting.

[hoodmara]

Worth It •Nick Smut•

literally a concept I’ve been working on for THREE days and it’s long as fuck, so I hope it’s good lmao.

Concept: Nick is getting tired of jacking off, so Edwin tells him to fuck a fan (THAT’S BLUNT I KNOW IM SORRY)

Warnings: oral sex, language, lil bit of rough sex?

Please enjoy!

******************************************************

Nick’s right hand was growing tired.

He finished himself off with one last twist of his wrist and then felt the warm liquid hit the middle of his bare chest.

Letting out a deep sigh that he felt he had been holding in all day, Nick paused the explicit video he was watching and closed his phone.

He set it to the side and removed his airpods while grabbing for the rag that was hanging off of the small tv next to him. Cleaning himself up, he then jumped out of his small bunk to saunter over to the bus’ restroom.

Passing Edwin on the way, he let out a deep grunt in acknowledgement and kept it pushing. Edwin chuckled at his friend’s disheveled appearance and sent a quick wave his way.

“Another trip to the hub?” He asked jokingly, becoming very familiar with the boy’s masturbatory schedule. Nick’s eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks, turning to look at Edwin.

“Huh? What— what are you talking about?” Nick stuttered, the hand holding the soiled rag shifting behind his back.

Edwin teased his friend, but assured his privacy was not in danger. “Huh? What? Nick, come on, we both know that I’m not an idiot and that I can still see your fucking cum rag behind your back,”

Nick closed his eyes and ran his left hand across his forehead. He quickly opened the bathroom door and tossed the terry cloth into the laundry bag he kept behind the door.

Walking in, he quickly washed his hands and then retreated back to the lounge area where Edwin still held a goofy smile on his face.

“Ok fine, so I had a little alone time, is that a crime?” Nick inquired, plopping down on the couch across from his good friend.

“Look I’m not saying that I listen in on you doing what you do, but I’ve noticed you’ve been..uh...spending a lot of time alone lately and I just wanted to make sure that you’re good,”

Nick ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck, all the signs of a clearly stressed out Nick Mara.

“I don’t know, man...it’s been, like, a year since I’ve been with someone and I just— I get so..” Nick tried to make sense of his thoughts, but he couldn’t find a way to articulate them well enough. Thankfully Edwin picked up on his friend’s intended response.

“You’ve been bottling up your sexual energies and now it’s hit its’ peak,” Nick cringed at his friend’s honesty, but he knew he was right.

The idea of finally speaking about what had been on his mind was quite frightening. It wasn’t a big deal, everyone at one point got lonely, but Nick was someone who always put on a happy or unfazed face. Edwin pointing this out to him just made it feel like he didn’t do a great job of ‘faking it’.

“Do you have to say it like that?”

“What? Would you rather me say that you want to get your dick wet?” Edwin snickered, getting his daily dose of confidence from the way his friend was cowering at his words.

“God no, Edwin, what the fuck?” Nick groaned, making a sour face at the vulgarity of his friend’s words. Edwin laughed at Nick’s uncomfortable shifting and shook his head.

“When are you going to realize that you can talk to me about anything? It’s not like I’m gonna tell anyone, the rest of these bitches don’t even listen to me when I speak,” He replied, referring to the rest of their bandmates who were fast asleep on the bus. Nick felt bad about his standoffishness with Ed. He knew that if he had to talk about his…problems with anyone, it was best to do it with him.

“Look man, I’m sorry, alright? This just isn’t normal for me, I don’t get to a point where I can’t stop thinking about, you know, sex or being with someone,”

“Aye, I get it, it’s not something you want to bring up with the boys casually,” Edwin spoke, comforting his friend. He continued on, “especially with Zion, cause regardless of how much sex he’s not having, he will try to drag you.”

Nick laughed at the comment Ed made and nodded his head. Feeling more relaxed, he continued to speak on his problem in hand.

“Ok, so what do you think I should do? I can’t just keep rubbing one out ‘cause eventually, someone else is gonna catch me and I don’t want to explain myself,” Nick asked, hoping that Edwin would have a solution.

“Simple, just hook up with someone,” Edwin replied effortlessly, popping a cherry into his mouth from the forgotten bowl of fruit next to him. Nick shook his head in dismay.

“First of all, how? And second of all, I can’t just hook up with someone, we’re on tour, we live in a bus, and we’re constantly moving around,” He rattled off, not stopping after those few reasons, “not only that, but we have literal fans, Ed, what if I accidentally hook up with one of them and they start talking, huh? I can’t afford another scandal after I ran my dumb ass mouth that one time.”

“Hey man, you can call the shots all you want, it doesn’t have to be a random person, but let me just say this, getting with a fan was one of the best decisions I ever made,” Edwin smirked, running a hand over his freshly shaven head. Nick’s eyebrows raised at his friend’s confession.

“You slept with a fan?”

“Yeah, you remember that girl Rain? The one with the two nose piercings?”

“And the bright green hair? Yeah, I remember her, y’all were basically the same person,”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t meet her at a coffee shop, she was at the LA show last year and she slipped me her phone number afterwards,” Nick leaned back in shock, surprised that he never saw this coming.

He knew that the other boys did, in fact, hook up with fans, but he always saw it blow up in their faces. Zion actually had a girl threaten to pepper spray him because he never called her back and Nick did not want that same scenario to happen to him. But maybe Edwin knew something that Nick didn’t, so he gave the boy a chance to explain.

“How did you— like, how did that go? I’m assuming it went well, ‘cause y’all still talk, right?”

“Yeah, we’re really cool! We’re probably gonna meet up soon, too, ‘cause she goes to school in Michigan and she’ll be at the Detroit show,” Edwin smiled.

“And she’s not crazy or anything? Like, she’s not on twitter calling you out?”

“Look, I know Zion’s hookup story scared you off, but let’s both be honest, Z has shit taste in girls,” Nick couldn’t agree more, seeing as most of Zion’s exes have threatened to do or have done something crazy to him. Despite this truth, Nick was still having a hard time siding with Edwin.

“Ok yeah, but what if I get with someone who’s a fan and it’s great, right? But then I don’t call them after or I do want to call them after, but they tell those stupid drama pages? Like, what if—“ Edwin cuts Nick off before he can dive deeper into all the things that could go wrong.

“Nick, chill! Dude, it’s not that serious, alright? If you see someone that you find attractive, just ask for her number! Shit, if she likes you, you might not even have to ask. I’m telling you that Rain and I got along because she was a fan, we talked about the music we had coming out and what her favorite song was, it was a bonding experience,” Edwin inspired, hoping that Nick would see the good that came out of the situation.

“Alright Ed, I’ll take your word for it, but if this blows up in my face, don’t complain when I keep you up for another night at 3am to whine about it,” Nick replies, a small smile finally gracing his face.

Edwin grinned and stood up from his place on the couch. He walked over to pat nick on the shoulder.

“You won’t regret, Nick, I swear. Now, I’m gonna go to sleep because I’m tired as fuck, so don’t jack off too much back here,” Edwin joked, eliciting a chuckle and a quick ‘fuck you’ from Nick.

***************************************

“Yo, that show was fucking nuts, did you see that girl who flashed her titties? It was that one chick who always comes to the shows, I think her name is Allie?” Zion raved, rustling his dreads in a crisp white towel.

“Yeah, I saw that! She’s crazy, man,” Nick laughed.

Throughout the show, Nick couldn’t let Edwin’s words escape him. He spent the meet and greet, and a portion of the show seeking out someone who caught his eye. There were beautiful girls everywhere, some literally throwing themselves at him, but he just didn’t want to make the jump.

“I’m tryna go outside for a bit and talk to some people outside, you wanna come?” Edwin asked, walking into the dressing room from his shower. He looked directly at Nick, shooting him a wink. He knew that this was the best time to make moves, if any.

“Yeah, I’ll go out with you,” Nick replied, grabbing his phone off the table and following Ed into the hallway. The two boys crept quietly past some members of their team, knowing that they would try to stop them from greeting fans.

Finally rounding a corner into an empty hallway, Edwin spotted the exit that led towards the buses.

“So, you see anyone yet? There’s a lot of pretty girls out there,” Edwin inquired, speed walking to the door. Nick matched his speed and laughed.

“Not yet, man. But I’m not stressing,” Nick replied. The two finally reached the door and ran out, being met with a chorus of screams and greetings.

The two went out and mingled, saying hi to their beloved fans and taking as many pictures and videos as they could. Their staff eventually came out, along with a few security guards, to try and coerce the boys to get on the bus. Unfortunately for them, Edwin and Nick were much more stubborn than most, so they didn’t budge.

It was getting late and girls started to leave, particularly the younger girls, but many of the older ones stayed around. Nick was talking with a group of girls who travelled to Georgia from Tennessee and were planning to go the the New York show as well. A girl in the group stuck out to Nick, but he couldn’t make that known.

“So y’all are planning to travel back to Tennessee tonight? It’s one in the morning, you’re gonna be exhausted,” He chuckled, making the girls laugh.

“We’re in school still, so we got summer classes and missing those will get our asses in trouble,” one girl complained. Her friends all agreed, wearing the same annoyed face as their vocal companion. The girl looked behind her and pointed out the girl standing in the back, “This bitch is lucky though, ‘cause she gets to stick around for as long as she wants.”

The girl looked up and caught Nick’s eyes on her. If he could, he would’ve jumped over the barricade to get closer to her. The gold shimmer on her sepia brown cheeks shone bright in the street lights. She could feel her own skin getting warm from being the center of attention now.

“You’re not in school?” Nick asked her, genuinely interested. She shook her head and moved a little closer, finally able to be fully seen under the lights. The moment Nick got a full glimpse of this girl, his breath caught in his throat.

“Uh no, I just graduated! Also, my sister lives out here, so I’m staying at her place for a bit,” She responded, tossing a stray braid over her shoulder. Nick couldn’t help but watch her plump lips move as she spoke, responding to some of her friends comments. Nick nodded, finally digesting her words.

“I wish we could do another show out here, I love the ATL,” Nick smiled, the girls immediately agreeing. They all broke off into their own conversations, trying to include Nick but not talking directly to him. That gave him a chance to talk to this girl without it seeming shady. He moved a bit over to the side, leaning on the barricade where she was texting on her phone.

“Who you talkin’ to?” Nick smirked, jokingly trying to sneak a glance at her screen and getting a giggle out of the girl. She acted like she was hiding her phone from him and scoffed.

“Nobody told me that you were the nosey member of pretty much, they just said you were the cute one,” she replied. Nick’s eyebrows raised and he pursed his lips, making his classic flirtatious face.

“Oh, so you think I’m cute?”

“I mean, you definitely ain’t ugly, so when you do the math, I guess that means you’re cute or whatever,” she joked. The two laughed and shared a comfortable silence. Nick moved his body to the side to check on Edwin and in the process, brushed his hand over her own. Their eyes met quickly and she could see a faint blush happen upon the boy’s cheeks. She smirked and leaned forward, close enough so she could whisper, “are you flirting with me, Mara?”

Nick’s cheeks quickly went from pink to a darker shade of red, the boy cursing his genes for his ability to blush so easily. He couldn’t let her know that he was fazed, that was not in this ‘hookup’ plan. So he smirked like he always did when he tried to act tough and flirted back.

“Depends, is it working?” The girl kissed her teeth and tried to hide her smile. She could feel her own cheeks getting warm, but she was also too proud to come off as some fangirl who was trying to get in the pants of her favorite member. Even if that’s exactly what she was doing.

“What will it take for me to get you home?” she responded, fulling shooting her shot from half court. Nick chuckled and pulled his hat lower. He slowly pulled his phone from his pocket, opened it and slid it to her.

“Let me get your number and I’ll see what I can do,” He flirted. The girl took his phone and quickly tapped in her digits, trying to inconspicuously slide his phone back when she finished. Looking down, he saw her name and number.

Nick could see Edwin staring at him out of the corner of his eye and saw his teeth shining in the moonlight. He saw Ed start wrapping up his goodbyes and thought that he should do the same.

“So, Y/N, you free for the rest of the night?” Nick inquired, quietly. Y/N raised her eyebrows in surprise and laughed.

“Yeah, I’m free. My sister is on a business trip, so I’m watching her place,”

“No roommates?”

“No roommates,” She ensured. Nick smirked and nodded as he walked towards the other groups of girls, planning to say his goodbyes.

******************************************

“Where’s your bed?” Nick mumbled against the girl’s lips. She was straddling him on the couch in her living room, her long acrylic nails scraping down his bare chest.

“Down the hallway, last door on the left,” She replied, going right back to attack his lips. Nick moaned at the feeling, loving the way her teeth would tug at his bottom lip and then soothe the irritated skin with her tongue. He slid to the edge of his seat with her in his lap and stood, gripping tightly onto the back of her thick thighs. Effortlessly, he carried them both down the hallway, every once in a while running into a wall and eliciting a giggle out of the girl.

The moment Nick and Edwin met back up at the bus, Ed told Nick that he had to text Y/N to meet up. She was staying near their hotel and Edwin swore that he would cover for Nick while he was gone. He couldn’t argue with Edwin’s plea, especially because he really didn’t want to. With the way her red sports bra was accentuating her chest and the black bike shorts she wore hugged her ass, he didn’t think he could pass up the opportunity to spend one night with this girl.

Nick used one hand to hold Y/N in place as the other felt its’ way across the wall until it hit a curve and then a doorknob. Turning it quickly, Nick used Y/N’s back to open the door and he stumbled in, turning around and pushing her against the door, shutting it in the process.

He ground his hips into hers, both of them moaning at the friction. She was already out of her pants, so when Nick gently pushed his thigh into her heat, a spot of her wetness could be seen on his gray fleece shorts. Y/N tapped Nick’s hand under her thigh, signaling for him to let go so her feet could touch the ground. He obliged and gently let go of her legs. She stood in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders. Pushing him back, Nick fell back onto the bed. Y/N took that time to strip herself of her sports bra and kneel in front of Nick.

“Stand up,” she demanded. Nick quickly shuffled to his feet and moved to untie his shorts. Y/N’s hands crept up the sides of his legs and pulled down Nick’s pants, slightly giggling at the fact that he wasn’t wearing boxers.

“I was a little eager,” he joked, kicking the fabric away from his feet. Y/N smirked and began to play with Nick’s erect member. A breath hitched in Nick’s throat and his hands went to Y/N’s shoulders.

Trailing her tongue along the bottom side of his dick, she swirled her tongue around the tip once reaching it. She kitten licked at the precum seeping from his engorged tip, sending chills down Nick’s spine.

��God, you’re so good at that,” Nick commented, his words breaking as they came out. Y/N hummed on Nick’s member, causing him to let out a moan.

Soon, she took his cock completely, only leaving about an inch out. Her swollen lips latched on to his member as she hollowed out her cheeks and moved slowly. She gagged a bit on his size, but powered through. Nick couldn’t stand for much longer, his knees buckling at the sensation.

Y/N could feel the man weakening at her touch, so she removed him from her mouth and let him fall onto the bed.

“I’m not done, don’t worry, I just didn’t want you to fall,” she smirked. Nick rolled his eyes and shot a smirk back.

“I can’t lie, I was about to bust, but thanks for worrying about me,” he replied. The girl in front of him smiled and moved to take his erection back into her mouth, but Nick stopped her, “is it ok if I touch your hair?”

Y/N let out a loud laugh and nodded her head. Nick smiled and moved his hand to pull Y/N’s braids into a ponytail. She made a comment about Nick being a gentleman, making him laugh as she went back down to finish her work.

Skipping past any more foreplay, Y/N took Nick’s shaft into her mouth completely, choking a bit when her nose touched the base. Nick grunted at the feeling and help her out, moving her head in a steady motion. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to his breaking point. Y/N used her small hand to replace her mouth on the lower part of his dick. Her movements got sloppier as she sped up, her saliva making it easier as it coated his member.

“I’m gonna, I’m— I’m gonna cum,” Nick stuttered, his grip on her hair loosening. She mumbled a drawn out ‘mmhm’, pushing him to his climax.

The warm liquid ran down Y/N’s throat, Nick thrusting into her mouth to chase the last of his climax. Nick caressed the bare canvas of Y/N’s back, craving the feel of her soft skin. She let go of his cock, her teeth gently grazing the skin as she moved away. Y/N looked up at Nick through her eyelashes as she wiped the sides of her mouth. Nick let out an animalistic growl as he picked her up and tossed her on the bed. The girl laughed at the force, but was more ready than she had ever been.

“You treated me so nicely, baby, the least I can do is return the favor,” he smirked, pulling down her tiny black underwear. Immediately, he dived into her heat, his tongue licking at her clit fervently. Nick then took his finger and slid into Y/N’s entrance, curling up into her g-spot.

She fell into a moaning mess, not expecting the boy to eat her out. Y/N grabbed at Nick’s messy brown hair, pushing him farther into her heat. He continued to lap up her wetness until her moans began to come out much higher than before. He could tell that she was about to cum from the way she was clenching around his finger, so he moved away from her.

Y/N lifted her head when she felt Nick pull away. Shooting him a confused look, she kissed her teeth.

“What the hell, I was close!” She whined, making the boy laugh. He leaned down to grab a condom from his pocket and used his teeth to rip it open. Sliding it on, he pumped himself a few times before moving back onto the bed.

“I gotchu, girl, don’t worry,” he smiled, then continued, “you ready for me?”

Y/N nodded excitedly and pulled him on top of her. With one hand on the side of her head and the other one lining himself up with her entrance, Nick slowly slid his cock into her. A drawn out whimper came from Y/N’s mouth as Nick grunted at the tight feeling of her hole.

“Nick I want more,” Y/N begged, her nails scraping his back. Nick sped up his thrusts, the sound of skin slapping filled the room. He hummed as he left open mouth kisses on her neck. Y/N started to clench around Nick, prefacing her orgasm. The tightness of her heat made Nick’s eyes roll back, the hand that was holding him was shaking and pulling at the sheets. Y/N tapped Nick on the chest, so he met her eyes.

“I want to ride you,” she said. Nick’s eyes grew wide and he nodded quickly, almost coming at the thought of her on top. Quickly, he flipped the both of them over. Y/N moved into a squat position, lining Nick up with her entrance. Sinking down, he clutched onto her thigh at the new feeling. She bounced quickly on his dick, throwing her head back at the feeling. Nick moved his hands from her thigh to play with Y/N’s hard nipples. She moaned loudly and moved her own hand to toy with her clit.

The two of them were in complete bliss, nearing their orgasms quickly. Nick silently thanked Edwin for the idea and pushed his head back into the pillows, bracing for his second climax of the night.

“I can’t take much more, babe,” Nick mumbled, trailing his fingertips down her chest to rest on her thighs. He began to thrust up, meeting her own. Y/N had her bottom lip clenched in between her teeth in concentration. She fell to her knees from her squat position, but continued to slide Nick in and out of her.

“Me either, I think I’m about to—“ as she spoke, her orgasm hit, her mouth widening. The way she tightened around him and the look on her face pushed Nick over the edge, filling the latex with his warm seed. He kept messily thrusting up. Y/N had to put a hand on his pelvis to slow him down.

Falling forward, her chest met Nick’s and he wrapped an arm around her waist. Leaning over the bed, he picked up his phone to check the time. His clock read 4:18 and he hissed, shocked that it was so late.

“You have to leave, don’t you?” Y/N asked, weakly lifting her head up from his shoulder. Nick sadly nodded and frowned at the breeze he felt when she rolled off of him. He turned to sit up in the bed and placed his feet down on the carpet.

Nick grabbed his pants and began to slide them on. Y/N handed him his phone and got up to walk him out. She slipped on her panties and opened the door for him.

Collecting his T-shirt in the living room, Nick grabbed his sweatshirt and handed it to Y/N.

“Keep this, I’ll get it back from you the next time we hang out,” he said, making the girl smile. She pulled it on and shoved her hands into the pocket.

“So we’re gonna hang again?”

“I would like to, even though I don’t come out to Georgia or Tennessee often,”

“Well it’s a good thing I travel for work,” Y/N smirked, Nick raiding his eyebrow in response.

“What are you doing in a month?” He asked.

“Coincidently, I’m in California for a shoot,” she replied.

“Well, if you want to, I’d definitely love to see you at our LA show?”

“Are you sure that won’t compromise our little secret?” Nick thought about what Y/N said, since it was a concern of his to not get caught. But being around Y/N made the idea easier to bear, and much more exciting after their night together. Getting an alert on his phone that his ride had arrived, Nick smiled.

“Nah, and even if it did, I think you’re worth it,” he flirted, leaving the girl with his usual charm.

[drjackandmissjo]

firewhisky on ice, sunset and vine

you’ve ruined my life by not being mine

Chapter 2 --- previous chapter --- next chapter

Harry Potter fic Masterlist

Set in the course of his Sixth Year, this story follows Slytherin’s finest, Blaise Zabini, as he navigates classes and friendships and Death Eaters and a certain idiot plant-head Gryffindor.

'Dittany is a powerful healing herb and restorative and may be eaten raw to cure shallow wounds.'

Blaise had read that same sentence for the 24th time. Had counted each time his eyes went up on the page towards the words that were now permanently marked in his memory, yet so far out of his grasp. It wasn't that 'One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi' was a boring book. To someone truly passionate about the subject it might actually be quite enjoyable, but it was a textbook and textbooks are not supposed to be entertaining. Unless you were a freak as Granger, but her distorted mentality was not his to judge.

Sighing, he rested his head on the table he was studying on, careful not to make too much noise. Madam Pince and her fine hearing were simply awful to anyone who merely breathed too loudly in the library. "One more time and if I can't do it then I'll try again later after dinner" he told himself, on the verge of despair.

He simply couldn't understand. Charms came easy to him, even Potions with Snape wasn't that hard to follow, even if he was a mess at teaching it: brilliant man and head of the house, but all over the place and really, really terrible at sharing knowledge. Even in his current new position as Defence Against the Dark Arts, he wasn't that great, and that was the job he had lusted after, for years.

But flowers and herbs, those were is Achilles's heel. The worst part was that it seemed to come naturally to Bloody Longbottom.

Perfect asshole with his neat notes at the margins of his books and his terrible grasp of changing shit from their original form, but despite all that was better than a few of his housemates and studied hard to maintain his acceptable level in Transfiguration. Bloody moron who simply could understand what Professor Sprout meant to say even before she said it, who had the best grades in Herbology, who laughed tilting his head backwards whenever Saint Potter or one of his friends made a joke that was particularly funny, who seemed to be everywhere since their first Transfiguration lecture together.

Blaise was so screwed.

He had now begun to have a hard time concentrating during the class he seated with the Gryffindor, his mind wandering to the bloody fingers tapping lightly over the desk as he scrunched his nose up in concentration.

He was so bloody screwed.

'Rule number eight, if you can't get someone out of your head, make sure you're stuck in theirs also.'

But it wasn't that easy, was it? For one, despite being 100% positive of his sexuality, he hadn't told anyone but his mother, who was really supportive and immediately shared all her rules for landing a hot and rich husband. At that time he had laughed, almost uncomfortable, but now he was sure her set of rules was going to be a lifesaver, and not only when boys were concerned.

Second, he did not know whether or not Longbottom shared his likings and had absolutely no way of figuring it out. Sure, he had gone to the Yule Ball two years prior with the Female Weasley and hang out now with Loony Lovegood and the rest of the moronic Gryffindors, but there was nothing that betrayed his heart's true desires. He had no one in their circle to ask to, and was pretty sure that cute, shy, jacked, nervous and downright hot Longbottom, "damn Salazar why even his surname had to have such a sexual innuendo?", wasn't out or anything. Maybe he was still figuring it all out?

Groaning, he rose up to his feet, unable to concentrate on fucking dittany without losing his mind for one second more. Bloody Longbottom with his very nice ass made his way into his mind and suddenly Blaise's pants felt way too tight for his own comfort and he had to adjust his robe. He closed roughly his book, placing it in his bag alongside his notebook and pens and highlighters, avoiding Madam Pince's burning glare at the unwanted noise.

He began to quickly make his way towards the Great Hall, wondering what would be there for dinner and completely lost in thought. In the back of his mind, he could feel his mother's voice telling him 'Rule number twelve, always be conscious of your surroundings', but his brain couldn't stop wandering, his body relying only on muscle memory to not walk into walls.

Unfortunately, muscle memory wasn't that reliable when taking into account other moving people and objects. Which was why he had ended on the floor, landing on his ass and soundly cursing whoever was the bloody "pezzo di merda di doxy" that still hadn't learnt how to walk.

His mother was always controlled and poised and he had never heard a bad word coming from her red painted lips, but his paternal grandparents were a different kind of people. His grandfather’s favourite word was, alongside of other Italian curses, a very pointed minchia. He used it almost on each sentence, changing the intonation to accommodate a different meaning. Most of the time he added to the equation a variety of gestures that, given the situation, assumed a rather crude sense.

His Nonna was slightly more PG, preferred not to use certain words, especially in front of Blaise, but she still told her husband to fuck himself in whichever language she was thinking at the moment and taught him her fair share of Ethiopian hexes.

"You came onto me, genius" the idiot that had clearly gone into him said, rather angrily sounding.  "Ma porca di quella puttana" Blaise thought, of course his rotten luck would make him crash into the long legged Gryffindor he was just daydreaming of.

Remembering who he was and finally stopping acting like a ridiculous hormonal dork, he rose from the floor, trying to look menacing despite being the shorter one in this debate. "No, good sir, you appeared out of nowhere" he said, sounding sturdier and surer than he'd thought. He was rather proud of his impeccable composure, until the other boy spoke with a sly smirk on his lips, "Haven't taken my apparition exam yet so can't just do that."

Blaise's brain stopped working immediately. Deep down he knew that anyone, even someone as dull and bland as a Gryffindor, could surprise him, and so far the dumb dork had surpassed all his expectations, excluding the ones on Transfiguration. But he simply couldn't picture sweet, shy, formerly chubby, Schlongbottom as someone who knew how to talk back, especially with such an authoritative tone. The mere thought did funny things to his body.

Questions began to swim all around his mind: Was this real or a hallucination caused by his very recent fall? Since when did this bloody plant-head even know sarcasm? How was it possible for someone to become even more attractive?

Did Blaise mention that he was so fucking screwed?

"What, cat got your tongue?" Longbottom asked smugly, visibly pleased with himself.

In that moment Blaise swore off any possible feeling that wasn't related to hatred or anger towards the idiot in front of him. "I don't reply to morons such as yourself" he said, mustering a casual and bored tone he didn't know he had. "Bloody superb" he thought proudly as he watched the Gryffindor's gaze harden.

He suddenly didn't enjoy the turn their conversation had taken.

Longbottom then briskly shoved his forgotten Herbology textbook, "when did he even picked it up?", and stormed off to the other side of the empty corridor, towards the glasshouse, without uttering a single word.

"Great Hall's on the other side, idiota" he yelled at his slowly stepping away back, "You're gonna be late for dinner." Blaise couldn't care less, of course, but the impulsive part of his brain wanted to get the Gryffindor's attention for a little bit longer.

Longbottom stopped dead on his track, turning sideways to look back at Blaise and giving him the perfect side view of his backside, as well as of his front. "Ammazza oh." was the only thought that filled his mind before registering that the other boy was speaking: “Not that's any concern of yours, but I gotta get some Baneberry for my toad."

He was speechless. It was explicitly forbidden to take even the most innocuous weed from the glasshouses and classes, even during lectures to study them afterwards, yet this bloody Gryffindor marched towards the door as if he owned the place. He knew Longbottom had the best grades and was clearly their Professor's favourite since he fainted in excitement on their second year at their first class, but damn.

Astonished, he couldn't stop himself from blunting possibly the dumbest sentence ever: “But Professor Sprouts doesn't let us take any of her plants outside our designated scheduled time!"

The other boy had the audacity to grin, viciously and borderline dangerously and porca miseria it was getting hotter under his robe by the second. "Maybe to the rest of this school" Longbottom said, his shoulders squared and posture tense, "But I'm her assistant and have her blessings to do whatever the hell I want in any of the greenhouses, however dangerous it might be. So taking an innocuous plant for my toad isn't gonna get me expelled before I can say 'Quidditch'"

Blaise did definitely misread the look the Gryffindor gave him, thinking it hinted something while it was only meant as a superiority glance, and he was definitely thinking with his dick now.

Longbottom merely turned around, unbothered by his silence, and walked forward towards the glasshouse for the 2nd year, unaware that Blaise was still rooted on his spot, trying to regain his footing and willing his body to direct the blood back into his legs, failing miserably.

He was in such deep shit it would almost be laughable.

BONUS

When Neville turns around all he can think is either "Shitshitshitshit" and "Damn he's hot but I’m Str8. I think, but damn I'd tap that."

Glossary:

"Pezzo di merda di doxy" means 'piece of doxy shit' "Minchia" is a commonly used curse word, especially in southern Italy; it literally can mean both penis or vagina, depending on where you're from, but most commonly is referred to the female genital; it is typically used in the same way as the English 'fuck' to curse "Nonna" is Grandmother "Ma porca di quella puttana" again, another curse; literally is 'that fucking bitch' or something along those lines, but here it is used as an expression of disbelief, like 'you gotta be kidding me' "Idiota" is idiot "Ammazza oh", literally "Kill it oh", is the equal of a long whistle, mostly of approval "Porca miseria" is "that rotten luck", and is used to express discomfort or as the English 'holy shit'

I'm sorry for all those curse words! I deeply apologize!

Bonus: When Neville turns around all he can think is either "Shitshitshitshit" and "Damn he's hot but I’m Str8. I think, but damn I'd tap that."

[milfgritty]

i’ll be good pt. two | j. hughes & t. zegras

❀ ⇢ requested: yes | no ❀ ⇢ word count: 2.1k

having a crush on one person was confusing enough. now throw in one of their teammates and you weren’t sure where that left you anymore.

⇢ posted: 04.16.19 . | . masterlist  . prev. | next.

“I don’t know if I can do this, man.”

Spencer rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “Come on, we’ve been over this. You’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that,” Trevor protested, eyes wide as the outcomes played out in his head. “What if she says no? Fuck, she’s gonna say no. She’s into Jack, there’s no way she’ll actually agr—”

“Trevor,” Spencer cut him off, gripping his shoulders and turning Trevor to face him. “You’re gonna do great. And if she says no then that’s her loss, bud.”

Trevor sagged against him, all of his worrying exhausting him. “It’s just–” he rubbed his face harshly with one hand –“if Y/N says no then I’m fucking up our friendship. I don’t wanna do that to her, Spence. She doesn’t deserve that just because I can’t keep my feelings to myself.”

Another sigh left Spencer as he grappled for words. Seeing his friend so despondent wasn’t how he envisioned the after game party going and he wasn’t a fan. “Look,” he finally began, “it’s not fair to you if you keep putting this off. I get where you’re coming from, but sometimes you just gotta have faith.”

Trevor shut his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself, nodding along to Spencer’s words. “You’re right,” he swallowed, looking up at him through furrowed brows. “I can do this. I’ve got this.”

“There you go,” Spencer laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. He peered over Trevor’s shoulder with raised brows, a smile gracing his features. “Just in time, too. There’s Y/N now.”

Choking, Trevor spun around. His eyes fell on you as you walked through the door. Spencer and he were in a corner by the other end of the room, a bit out of the way from most others. “Fuck,” he breathed, drinking in the sight of how good you looked tonight.

“Go get her, tiger,” was the last thing he heard from Spencer before he was shoved roughly in your direction. He stumbled over his feet for a few seconds before he righted himself, tossing a glare over his shoulder in the direction of his team’s goalie only to get a thumbs up in response.

Deep breathes, he reminded himself as he fought the urge to run his hand through his hair. There was no need to be nervous. He’s got this.

Working his way through the small crowd that had already gathered, he made his way over to where you were standing. You were staring distracted somewhere off to his sides, he noticed. Curious, he followed your gaze over to—

Of course. Jack.

Shoulders slumping a little, he mustered his confidence back up. This was fine. He’s got this.

Finally reaching your side, he gently put his hand on your shoulder to get your attention before he lost the nerve.

You jumped at the sudden contact, your head tilting back to look at him. His heart skipped a beat when you smiled up at him, though he knew that he still didn’t have your full attention. He wasn’t an idiot; he saw how your gaze drifted over his shoulder to a certain group somewhere behind him.

“Hey, Trev,” you greeted him, having to raise your voice over the music that someone had turned up again since he got there.

Swallowing, he plastered a smile on his face. Not like it was hard, being around you made him feel all light and jittery inside. “Just get here?” he asked, inwardly cringing at the dumb question. Of course you just got here, that’s why you’re still lingering near the door.

You hummed and nodded, eyes already shifting away from him again. Disappointment filled him for a second before he shoved it down. Taking another deep breath, he tried not to let his face redden as he moved closer to you. The goddamn music was seriously starting to be a real pain in the ass.

“Do you want a drink?” he tried again, lifting his eyebrows. Hope blossomed within him when you pulled your eyes back to him. It was crushed once again when your lips turned up in a slight smile as you gave a slight shake of your head before returning your gaze to where it was previously.

“I think I’m good for right now,” you told him over the background noise, still not looking at him anymore. “I’m actually gonna go say hi to the rest of the guys.”

He felt his face drop for a moment and quickly schooled his features. “Oh, cool.” Lie. “You should go do that.”

He wasn’t even done his sentence before you were off, weaving your way through the bodies. He watched you walk away, clenching his teeth shut to distract himself from the painful thuds in his chest.

He really needs another drink.

And with that, he cut a path towards the kitchen. He had to stop his eyes from following your shorter figure, instead focusing on getting to where he wanted as quickly as possible. He arrived at the kitchen in record time for the obstacles he had to dodge on the way through.

But of course, who would be there to greet him but Jack.

Shaking away the bitterness, he tossed an empty grin at the guys before maneuvering around them to fill up a cup. “Hey, Trev,” Cole greeted him, tearing his attention away from their conversation.

“Sup,” he nodded his head, returning to his main goal.

He tuned out their conversation, not caring enough to bother. He pretended to pay attention as he sipped his drink, thinking about where he went wrong with Y/N. What did Jack have that he didn’t?

“Did you see that one chick near the benches?” Case asked the group, laughing as he spoke from something someone a minute ago. “Damn, she was so hot.”

“Hear, hear,” Cam yelled, raising his cup into the air. Other agreements followed suit and he was about to tune them out again when Jack spoke up.

“She slipped me her number after the game,” he told them, a smirk visible before he took a sip.

Groans sounded from the rest of them and Trevor had to fight the urge to laugh. Seriously, he liked his teammates and all, but why did Y/N like Jack over him?

“So,” Cole stretched out the word once they quieted down, “You gonna text her?”

Pausing, he didn’t want to admit that he was actually curious as to if Jack was. Everyone went silent as they waited for Jack to answer, who was clearly drawing out the suspense. Just as Cam was opening his mouth, Jack raised his cup to his mouth.

“Maybe,” he muttered into it, watching them erupt as he drank.

The guys catcalled and whistled while he rolled his eyes, glad they were all too preoccupied to notice him.

“Get it, Hughes!” Cole shouted, bringing more laughter out of the group.

Jack laughed along before calming them down. “Chill, I was just kidding,” he lifted his hands up, facing his palms out.

“So you didn’t get her number?” Case asked, mock offense lacing his voice.

“Oh no, I did,” Jack assured him, chuckling while he did. “But I don’t know. I don’t think I’m gonna do anything about her. She’s not really my type, you know?”

As Jack pulled them back into arguing, he noticed Spencer slip in. He put his cup down, spotting the worried look on his teammate’s face.

“What’s up?” he asked, keeping his voice down in case anyone was actually listening to them.

Spence eyed the room, mouth open in preparation to talk when he turned back to him. “Y/N is leaving. Like right now.”

“Fuck, you’re kidding,” he hissed, pushing himself off the counters.

Spencer shook his head, “You’re gonna have to hurry if you wanna catch her, man.”

“Shit,” he swore, brushing past his friend and hurrying out.

It seemed like there were even more people than earlier, he mused as he pushed his way through them all. He was fairly certain it took him longer to get out of the crowd and to the door but didn’t let himself dwell on it as he made it out of the house.

Cursing himself for not thinking to bring his jacket, he spotted your figure a distance away. Beginning to sprint, he pushed himself to catch up to you. He had finally worked up the nerve to ask you out tonight and he was not putting it off again.

“Y/N!” he shouted to get your attention once he was within range. You spun around at the sound of his voice, once again shocked at his presence. He slowed to a stop in front of you, bending over at the waist to place his hands on his knees. Sucking in deep breaths, he barely heard you question him. Ugh, his cheeks were cold. He was cold. Damn wind.

He was broken out of his inner ramblings by your light and airy giggle. He looked up at you right as you asked him, “What are you doing, Trev?” His chest tightened as he watched you, taking in your rosy cheeks and the way you were holding yourself. He was unable to answer you, couldn’t get his breath from both his sprint and because of how pretty you looked with the street lamps illuminating you from behind. Damn it, you looked like some kind of angel, how wasn’t he supposed to like you the way he did?

“Come on, aren’t you supposed to be an athlete?” you poked fun at him.

His lips curved upwards, a ‘ha ha’ slipping out of him automatically. Finally standing up fully, all of his worries and fears came rushing back.

He couldn’t do this.

“You just got here, you’re leaving already?” he said instead, breaking eye contact and staring down at his feet. They were just so interesting. He couldn’t believe he didn’t notice that before.

He seriously needed help.

“Yea,” you started, shaking your head almost subconsciously, “I’m just not feeling too good.”

He nodded, mumbling out an ‘Oh’ before catching his bottom lip between his teeth. He didn’t know what to say, having lost any and all of his courage from earlier in the night. It seemed you didn’t know either as silence settled over you.

He felt especially bad when a minute later you said, “Seriously, Trev. What is it?”

You just sounded so tired, so exhausted.

He sucked in a breath and decided to hell with it.

“Okay, look,” he started, just barely stopping his hand before it came up to run through his hair, “I was gonna do this later, but since you’re leaving and all I’ll just get it over with now.”

You cut him off quickly with a dry, “That sounds promising.”

A scoff left him on instinct as he rolled his eyes. Catching your gaze, the two of you shared a smile. That was all he needed to push on, that beautiful smile directed at him. Reminding him of why he was doing this in the first place.

He rushed out the words before he could regret them, his face twisting up. “I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but I just haven’t been able to work up the nerve I guess. Look, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve liked you for a long time and I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to go out with me sometime?”

He waited with his eyes closed, incapable—and more importantly, unwilling—of watching you figure out the easiest way to let him down. He was prepared for this; the whole I’m sorry but I like someone else spiel.

Imagine his surprise when your whisper finally carried over to him.

“Yea, I’d like that.”

Eyes fluttering open, he stared at you with his mouth gaping open in shock. Then your words finally registered and he could feel his lips tugging up in a huge smile, relief and joy flooding through him.

“Yea?” he asked, a disbelieving laugh bubbling up inside of him. And when you let your own laugh loose with a nod his chest constricted in the best way possible. “Great,” he breathed, unable to get rid of this goddamn smile that was starting to hurt. “That’s great. I’ll text you?”

He felt lovesick and high on cloud nine as you backed up, confirming with a bob of your head. “I’ll be waiting for it,” you told him before turning around and making the rest of the way to your car.

“Great,” he whispered to himself quietly as he watched you go.

He was freezing his ass off but it was great.

Because you said yes.

[motleyfuckingcruee]

Still Kids (Mick Mars x Reader)

Requested:

@lovestorey98

Summary:

From the prompts list "Have you lost your damn mind?!"

Warnings:

Angst, fluff, language

SONG THE TITLE IS BASED OFF OF:

Still Kids

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!

COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ON A TAGLIST! OR GO TO MY BIO TO ADD YOURSELF TO ONE!

//

Mick’s P.O.V

I finish up writing some new guitar riffs. (Y/N) decided to run off and do something with Nikki and Tommy. I know they’re going to try to get her to do some dumb shit, but she’s smarter than that. She knows me enough to know that I’ll kick their asses if they make her do something stupid. For some reason she has a soft spot for those two morons. She was best friends with them before Vince and I came along.

She followed Nikki around wherever he went. They did grow up together. They met when Nikki’s grandparents moved to Texas. Ever since then they’ve been inseparable.

It’s funny that when the band first started, she hated me. At least she acted like it. She’d always give me dirty looks and short answers. I was always trying to figure out what the hell I did to her. Then I asked her on a date one night, and to my surprise, she said yes. I was ecstatic.

Now here we are two years later, happily dating. She still won’t tell me why she didn’t like me when we first met. Maybe she didn’t like my style or something? I have no clue. She claims she’s not complicated, but she is. She tells me one thing, then gets mad when I do it because she thought she said something else. She’s a handful, but I love her very much.

She calls me a grumpy old man a lot. Especially around the guys. Now instead of just calling me old man, they gotta add grumpy at the front. It’s bullshit! I try not to get mad at them for saying it because then I’ll get in trouble by (Y/N).

Speaking of that dork, I need to go find her. I want to take her out for dinner while we’re still in New York. She’s always wanted to see the crammed city, and I promised to take her.

If Nikki didn’t beat me to it, that is.

I walk out of the hotel room. If they’re anywhere, I’m guessing they’re in Nikki’s room.

I hate to admit it, but I’m often jealous of Nikki. She’s just so comfortable with him. I feel he takes advantage of that a lot. I’m almost positive that before we got together, her and Nikki had a friends with benefits relationship. At least that’s what Vince told me. He might have been trying to get under my skin. If that’s the case, he definitely got what he wanted.

I arrive at the door. I don’t hear anything which is worrying. They’re usually screaming at the top of their lungs about something. Often her and Nikki are singing some New York Dolls song.

I knock at the door. Lightly at first, then louder and louder. I wait for five minutes, which feels like five years. Nothing. No one answers. Maybe Vince will know.

I walk down to the hotel bar. I quickly find Vince’s bright blonde hair. He has multiple busty blondes hanging around him. I don’t know which is more disgusting. The fact that the girls are acting like he’s God’s gift, or that he’s letting them act like that. His ego is already big enough. I love the guy, but he can be such an asshole. May I bring up the mustard incident again?

I push through the sea of barely dressed girls. Many of them ask if I’m in the band and the ones who do recognize me try to grab me. I lightly shove them off. I’m considering yelling out that I have a girlfriend so that maybe they’ll leave me alone, but I know they won’t. I’d just be yelling for no reason and I’m not a loud person.

I finally reach Vince who now has one of them sitting on his lap. She kisses his neck like they’re in goddamn private. I internally cringe at the sight. Vince looks over from the other girl he was talking to. His eyes light up with surprise. He knows I usually just keep multiple bottles of Jack in my room so that I wouldn’t have to come down here and socialize.

“Mick!” He nearly yells over the chatter of the girls and loud music. A large smile covers his smug face. “What’re you doing down here man? I thought you were writing?”

“I was!” I yell back, trying to get closer to him. “I’m looking for (Y/N) and the two morons. Have you seen them?”

“They were down here. Then they said something about pulling a prank on Doc in his room,” Vince says, getting distracted by the girls once more.

“Okay,” I say quietly.

I make my way out of the hotel lobby. I walk towards Doc’s room.

I’m just hoping they aren’t doing anything too dangerous. Knowing that trio, though, they’ll probably be really drunk and think they’re invincible. Those idiots. I love (Y/N) with my whole heart, but when she gets with those two it’s like she has no brain cells left. She does whatever they do. That’s why the guys like to do shit with her. She’ll agree to it no matter what it is. She’s always up for anything.

I finally find Doc’s hallway. Please tell me they’re still there. If they’re not I’ll go back to my hotel room and finish up that bottle of Jack that (Y/N) tried to steal from me. I stop in my tracks as the smell of smoke meets my nose. I run down the hallway.

The door that’s supposed to lead into Doc’s room is wide open with smoke pouring out of it. My eyes widen. What the hell are those idiots doing?!

I go into the room to see Tommy, Nikki, and (Y/N) laughing their asses off as Tommy holds a lighter up to the curtains.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!”

They all look like little kids that just got into trouble. They’re clearly very intoxicated. I run into the bathroom and start filling those little cups they give you full of water. I go back into the main room, throwing water on the curtains. They all took a step away from me, snickering to themselves. I’m going to kill those goddamned Terror Twins. This is bullshit. I finally get the fire out. I feel like I just ran a marathon.

I turn to the trio, feeling less angry now. “All three of you get out of this room.”

They walk out into the hallway, me following close behind. I close the door and push them towards the elevator. I personally walk Nikki and Tommy back to their rooms. My hand clutches tight onto (Y/N)’s. I guess I’m scared that if I let go, she’ll run back to Nikki. That’s the happiest I’ve seen her in a while. Maybe she’d be happier with him.

(Y/N) and I get back to our room. She looks a hell of a lot more sober now, but her face is covered with some ash that came from the curtains. I don’t know how she got that on her face, but I’m not going to question it. I pull (Y/N) into the bathroom. I lift her up silently, placing her on the counter. I grab a rag and wet it. I feel her eyes follow my every move. I’m not disappointed in her. My mind is just swirling with thoughts of her and Nikki. Maybe she would be happier with him.

I start to wipe her face with the damp rag. I focus on every place the gray is. It’s a bit more difficult to get off than I thought it would be. I scrub a bit harder, trying to do it as lightly as I can.

“I’m sorry,” (Y/N) says quietly.

“For what, love?”

She sighs. “For being stupid with Nikki and Tommy again. I know you don’t like it.”

I smile a bit. “I’m not mad. You’re a grown woman. You can do what you want.”

She furrows her eyebrows. “Then what’s on your mind? You’re clearly upset about something. You’re never this quiet when it’s just us.”

She knows me too well.

“It’s just-.” I stop myself. I just need to get it out. Deal with the aftermath later. “Would you be happier with Nikki?”

“What?” She laughs nervously.

“Would you be happier if you were dating Nikki and not me?”

She laughs. I feel my cheeks turn red. So she agrees. Without warning she grabs my face in her dainty hands. She looks me straight in the eyes. I love her (E/C) eyes.

“What kind of question is that?” (Y/N) says. “I love you, Mick. Not Nikki. I love him as my best friend. How I love you is completely different. You’re the only guy I ever want to be with. I’m so happy with you.”

She leans in and kisses me. Her lips mold with mine perfectly. I grin, feeling my heart soar. So she doesn’t regret being with me. That makes me so happy. She makes me so happy. I love her to the next galaxy and back. She’s the love of my life without any question. I don’t know where I’d be without her.

I pull back, resting my forehead against hers. “I love you so much, (Y/N).)

Taglist:

All fics: @the--blackdahlia @sugar-content @sharon6713 @siliwanoel @charlyallise @lo-bells @lauravic @livingdeadharley @kawennote09 @ozzypawsbone-princeofbarkness

Mick: @timeisthewound

[cwnerd12]

You’ll Be Given Love

“You’ll Be Given Love” The Bros stand on a stage, arranged by age. Arthur, “Uh, hi, I’m Arthur Shepherd.” They each introduce themselves in order: Sean, Ethan, Robert, and James. Arthur, “And we’re here tonight because tomorrow, our baby brother, David, is getting married.” (“LGBT” CupcakKe) Cut to: the greatest Pride party Gilboa has ever witnessed. Somehow, David has lost his shirt, but it clearly doesn’t bother him. In a very full club, he dances like an idiot with his brothers, AFG members, and random colorful partiers. A drag queen pours champagne into his open mouth. Male, female, and gender-indeterminate strippers dance and get money thrown at them. Shots after shots get served. David vogues like a motherfucker and lands a flawless death drop. He scream-sings along to “Cut to the Feeling.” Cut to: David sits in the sunroof of his limo, chugging from a bottle of champagne while his brothers hang out other windows. The whole city has come to cheer for him: people wave AFG and pride flags and dance in the streets.

Morning, David lays passed out on a sofa while the bros lay around also passed out, liquor bottles still strewn around. Michelle, clearly not pleased, shakes David’s shoulder. He struggles to open his eyes and groans, “Oh, fuck.” Michelle, “You are marrying my brother in four hours.” David, “Shit. Okay.” He tries to sit up, and rubs his head. Michelle, “Jesus fuck, how hung-over are you?” David, “Very.” Behind him, Ethan stirs, “Oh, fuck.” Michelle, “You completely embarrassed yourself last night, and now there’s footage of you grinding with some nameless stripper all over the internet.” David, “Was it male or female?” Michelle, “I’m gonna say non-binary.” David, “That’s valid. I had fun. I think the last time I properly had fun was our Royal Hotel blowout in Ashdod.” Michelle, “That’s no way for a king to behave! You embarrassed the whole country last night!” David, “Since when did you turn into Rose?” Michelle, “Since when did you turn into a dumb slut?!” David, “Oh, I should have known this was about Beth.” Michelle, “This is about you being an idiot!” David rubs his face, “Can I at least eat something while you scream at me?” he turns to the bros, “Who wants eggs?” Five miserable groans. David gets up and heads for the kitchen. Michelle follows him, “You embarrassed Jack last night!” David, “I did not.” Michelle, “Yes, you did!” David, “Did he tell you that I embarrassed him?” He gets a carton of eggs out of the fridge and sets to making  shitload of scrambled eggs. Michelle, “You embarrassed me last night!” David, “You’re gonna be my sister-in-law. How exactly does that qualify as someone who gets embarrassed by my behavior?” Michelle, “You’re a fucking king, David! You have to act like one!” David, “Does that mean that I don’t get to cerebrate the fact that I’m gonna marry the love of my life?” Michelle, “It means you have to act with dignity! What the fuck happened to your shirt?!” David, “Uh…. it kind of disappeared.” Michelle, dismayed, “Oh my god.” David, “Hey, I remember seeing pictures of Jack doing that kind of shit all the time.” Michelle, “Because he was fucking miserable and lashing out at our parents!” David, “So, can I say that I, too, am lashing out at Silas?” Michelle, “No.” David, “Where is Jack, anyway?” Michelle, “He’s upstairs with Mom.” David, “Did he sleep last night?” Michelle, “Yes.” David, “Good. Then we have nothing to worry about today.” Michelle, “Except for your hungover ass vomiting during your vows.” David, “You’re a medic, give me some anti-nausea medicine, then!” Michelle rolls her eyes and mutters, “You should drink something with electrolytes in it, get re-hydrated.” David, “Okay, I will.” Michelle, “Lucky for you, I’ve nursed Jack through a few hangovers. If I can get him looking well enough that Dad doesn’t notice that he’s seriously hungover, I can get you to look decent in your wedding pictures.” David, “You’re amazing, Michelle.” Michelle, “I’m doing this for Jack. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that I’ve forgiven you in any form.” David, “Are you ever going to forgive me?” Michelle, “Probably not.” David, “Oh, come on, we’re gonna be family! And because of me, you and Abby got married, too!” Michelle, sarcastic, “Call the Vatican, you’re eligible for sainthood.” David, “If you can get me through a hangover for Jack’s sake, you can forgive me for Jack’s sake.” Michelle, “I’m fucking talking to you for Jack’s sake.” David, “Look, I really fucked up with Beth. I admit that, I own that. But this doesn’t make me the same as Silas.” Michelle, “Say that again and I will slam your face into that hot pan of eggs.” David, “Well, what am I supposed to say?” Michelle, “Nothing! I’d be fine with you never speaking to me again!” David, “I’m not gonna do that.” Michelle, “Then just accept the fact that I can hold a fucking grudge, okay?”

In Rose’s apartment, Jack and Rose argue. Rose, “I am not wearing that. I’m still in mourning for your father. I can’t be seen wearing something like that.” Jack, “No black!” Rose, “There’s black in this dress!” Jack shoots her a look that says you know what I mean. Rose simpers down at the dress, “You know I wouldn’t be caught dead in Versace.” Jack, “Exactly.” Rose, “After David’s antics last night, I won’t be able to look any of the other queens in the face. I can’t imagine what they’re saying right now.” Jack, “David can party.” He picks the dress up and pushes it towards Rose, “Wear it!” Rose, “Can I at least wear a blazer over it?” Jack, “No!” Michelle enters. Rose, “How is David?” Michelle, “He’s a dumb, hungover thot, but I’m going to have him ready and looking good for the wedding, even if I have to sign a deal with Satan to do it.” Jack, “Tell Mom.” Michelle, “Tell her what?” Jack points at the dress, “Wear this.” Michelle looks at it, “You should wear it, Mom. You can’t wear all black to a wedding.” Rose, “I never imagined this would be what I’d wear to Jack’s wedding.” Jack, hopefully, “Wear it?!” Rose, “I might as well. Nothing else is going to be like what I imagined.” Michelle, sharply, “What did you imagine, Mom?” Rose, “A nice ceremony befitting a royal family. Something visible to the public, not just a small, private ceremony.” Jack and Michelle exchange looks. Jack, frustrated, “I don’t… talking.” Rose, “I know, I know. This is much easier for you, and you shouldn’t have to worry at your wedding. But you do have to grant me the right to be unhappy about the name change. I named you Jonathan Benjamin thinking you’s stay Jonathan Benjamin.” Michelle, “Dad didn’t even like Jonathan.” Rose, “It’s a family name!” Jack, “Jack Shepherd,” he concentrates hard and slowly says, “My name is Jack Shepherd.” Michelle, quietly, “He’s been practicing that all week.” Rose looks sadly down at Jack, swallows hard, and then says, “I just never once thought I’d be doing all this without your father. All he ever wanted was for you two to be happy.” Michelle, bitterly sarcastic, “I’m sure that’s exactly what was on his mind when he forced us to watch David get bombs dropped on him.” Rose, “Don’t bring that up! Not today!” Michelle, “You’re the one who brought it up!” Jack, loudly, “Stop!” He gives them both a dirty look. Rose, resigned, “I’ll wear the dress.” She pauses, and then looks at Michelle, “Is David still downstairs?” Michelle, “I think so?” Rose, “I’m going to give him his gift.”

Back in David’s kitchen, David and the bros eat scrambled eggs and chug gatorade. Rose enters, David sees her, “Hi, Rose.” The bros all make sounds somewhat like greetings. Rose, “I trust you boys enjoyed yourselves last night.” David, “Yes, we did.” Rose, “I’m giving you your gift early.” She pulls a key out of her pocket and hands it to David. He looks at it. Rose, “There’s a cabin up in the mountains, in a beautiful wooded area. It’s miles away from anywhere else. There’s a nearby stream for fishing, land for hunting, and a garden for the summer. It’s been set up for you and Jack to spend your honeymoon, and it’s yours to visit any time you wish.” David, “Wow, thanks, Rose!” Ethan, “I want a cabin.” Arthur, “Stage a coup and you can get one.” Ethan goes up behind David and grabs him, making a chokehold, “Easy.” David drops his eggs with a spectacular clatter and tries to wrestle Ethan away. The other bros hoot and yell. David breaks free of Ethan’s grip and then pins him to the counter, “Not today!” The bros applaud. David, “I bested Silas and Amal, you really think you can beat me?” Ethan sputters, “You’re my fucking baby brother, man! You’re just lucky I’m hungover!” David lets Ethan go, “And you’re lucky I’m a merciful king!” Rose struggles to maintain her composure, “Perhaps you boys should get ready.” David, still laughing, “Yeah, don’t worry, we’ll be ready.”

Rose and Jessie sit in the back of a limo, Rose wearing a colorful Versace dress that looks good on her but she’d still never wear. Jessie, “Now that’s a fun dress.” Rose, “Jack is forcing me to wear it.” Jessie, “Used to be the only time I ever wore a dress was at weddings: when I got married, when Arthur got married, and when Sean got married. I never in my life thought I’d even wear as many dresses as I have now. Life sure changes in funny ways, doesn’t it?” Rose, “That it does.” Rose, “Oh, I just know I’m gonna cry the whole time. I might even start crying now. But these are the good kind of tears! Usually when I’m crying over David, it’s the bad kind of tears.” Rose looks out her window without saying anything. Jessie goes on, “And I thought I was proud of him when he graduated high school!” she sighs, “It’s hard doing it all without John.” Rose turns her head, “When did he die?” Jessie, “Oh, it’s been about ten years, now. David was fifteen. John always knew David was destined for something big, but I don’t know if he ever imagined David would be king. I’m giving David a framed picture of me and John at our wedding for a gift. It’s not quite a cabin, but, I think he’ll love it. I know he misses John. He hardly spoke for about a year after he died.” Rose, “It’s hard to imagine David not talking.” Jessie, “Even harder to live with.” Rose, “I watch Jack struggle to just get a few words out, to think that someone would just choose not to talk…” Jessie, “It wasn’t a choice. He was just trying to deal with losing his father in the best way he knew how.”

Outside the national cathedral, massive crowds gather to cheer and wave flags. Inside, people happily gather. Michelle and Abby giddily show off their rings. Helen approaches them, and Michelle gives her a big hug. Jessie cries and laughs with the Bros. Rose sits by herself, detached from those around her. She looks down at her wedding ring and spins it around on her finger. Her lip trembles subtly and tears fill her eyes. She wipes them away. David and Jack recite their vows and exchange rings. Flashback: masculine hands place a ring on the finger of a feminine hand. Young Silas, in his army uniform, smiles proudly at young Rose, their wedding. Young Rose, pregnant and in a cheap dress, smiles brilliantly and kisses him. In the present time, Rose claps and tries her best to smile for Jack and David, who kiss happily.

At a reception at the palace, David opens the gift Jessie gives him. He sees the picture of his parents and tears up, “Oh my god, Mom!” Jessie, “It’s so hard to know what to get for you now that you’re king!” David, “It’s wonderful. This is going in my office, where everyone who meets with me will see it.” Jessie, “Oh, i’m glad you like it.” David hugs her gratefully. Rose looks on, and then kneels beside Jack to speak to him, “I’m not feeling the best right now. I’m going to go upstairs and rest.” Jack, “Leaving?” Rose, “I don’t feel well.” Jack, “Okay.” Rose, “Jack, I want you to know… I’m very proud of you, and I’m very happy for you. And I think your father would feel the same way.” Jack, “Really?” Rose, “Yes. He loved you, Jack. He truly loved you. And I love you, too.” Jack, “I love you, Mom.” Rose cries happily, “You go on your honeymoon and enjoy your time with David. You deserve to be happy.” Jack hugs her, and she hugs him back.

Rose, carrying a bottle of wine, walks through the palace lobby, still under construction. She gets in an elevator and goes up into her apartment. She kicker her heels off and goes into the living room. She goes over to the bar and digs around in a drawer for a wine bottle opener. She finds one, and opens the bottle of wine with a loud pop. She takes a chug straight from the bottle. She mutters to herself, “At least they chose good wine.” She takes another swig, goes over to the sofa, sits down, and sprawls out. She takes a long chug, and then looks forlornly up at Silas’s portrait, “Our children are MARRIED, Silas, can you believe it?” She takes another swig, “You know, there was once a time when I would have been thrilled to hear that our children had married the likes of David Shepherd and Abigail Hatch, just not in the current arrangement,” she takes another swig and grimaces, “That was a long time ago.” She drinks again, “Maybe that’s the mistake we made. We should have just let David date Michelle. They would have been happy together. We’d still have him as a son-in-law, but it would be worth the trade-off.” She goes quiet and contemplates for a moment, “When the doctor said we were having a boy and a girl, I couldn’t help but start imagining two weddings. I dreamt of finding the perfect dress for the girl, and then watching you walk her down the aisle,” she sniffs, “Do you know what she chose to get married in? Something to show off her tattoos. Those were her exact words. And then she went and got another tattoo, while still wearing the dress.” She takes a long chug. The door opens, and Michelle enters followed by Abby. Michelle, “Hey, Mom, Jack and David just left. Jack said you were up here. Are you okay?” Rose makes an attempt to sit up, “I’m doing as well as I can be.” Michelle looks disapprovingly down at the bottle of wine, “Yeah, nothing that can be handled with a bottle of wine, right?” Rose, “Oh, don’t be so judgmental. Today has been difficult for me.” Michelle, sarcastic, “Yeah, because watching your son marry the love of his life is just so awful, isn’t it?” Rose, “Don’t be cross with me, Michelle.” Michelle, “Why are you so miserable? Weddings are supposed to make people happy!” Rose, “I just wish the circumstances could be a bit different, is all.” Michelle, “Different how?” Rose, “I should have told Silas to let you date David. Then you would be the one marrying him, and things would be better.” Michelle, “And where the fuck does that leave Jack?” Rose, “He could have married Abby.” Abby, “I was already married to Norman. I was forced into it, and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, even being kidnapped by the Amalekites. I would never, ever wish forced marriage on anyone, especially not Jack.” Michelle, “You just can’t stand to see Jack happy, can you?!” Rose, “I want him to be happy, just as much as you do.” Michelle, “Then why aren’t you happy for him now?” Rose, “I just wish your father were here.” Michelle, “Dad would rather shoot himself again than watch Jack marry David.” Rose, “Stop it! You’re just being cruel!” Michelle, “You have no room to talk to me about being cruel.”  Rose, “There are things that I still can’t forgive David for.” Michelle, “Please tell me you’re talking about the girl.” Rose, “What? No. David ruined my life.” Michelle, “You were one half of the coup that made him king!” Rose, “Linus was going to destroy Gilboa. Just because I recognized that David was the better king doesn’t mean I don’t wish it was still your father.” Michelle, “Dad was a terrible fucking king.” Rose, “Don’t say that!” Michelle, “David couldn’t build an army just by smiling and being charming. People wanted to see Dad gone, and Dad couldn’t let go. That’s why David’s king now!” Rose, “I miss my husband! Is that a crime?” she cries, “I wish you would forgive him.” Michelle, “What did Dad ever do to earn forgiveness?”  Rose, “You want to forgive him.” Michelle glares at her, and says in a low, deadly voice, “Don’t tell me what I want.” Rose, “I know you do!” Michelle, voice shaking, eyes full of tears. “He lied to me, and cheated on you!” Rose, “He loved you so much.” Michelle, disgusted, “He tried to torture Jack until he became another person. That’s not love. I don’t know what the hell you think love is, but Dad never loved us.” She turns around and heads for the door. Abby follows. Rose, “Michelle!” Rose watches them leave, and then sits for a moment, stunned. She looks back up at the portrait of Silas.

In their apartment, Abby, wearing her comfortable pajamas, sits on the sofa, drinking a glass of wine and watching the news. Michelle comes out into the living room wearing a silky, lacy cami and shorts lingerie set. Abby looks her up and down, “Well, damn. I definitely picked the right wife.” Michelle laughs and goes over and sits down. Abby turns the TV off, and Michelle curls up to her. Michelle, “Do you ever think you’ll forgive your father?” Abby, “Nope. I never intend to forgive my father, and I’m perfectly happy with that. I’ve made sure Frankie and Mom know it, too. Frankie gets it, but Mom won’t accept it. One of the reasons I wanted a courthouse wedding was because then I wouldn’t have to deal with her.” Michelle lays her head on Abby’s shoulder, “I still haven’t forgiven David over the mess with the girl.” Abby, “Beth?” Michelle, “Did you ever meet her?” Abby, “I saw her around, from time to time. Never really talked to her.” Michelle, “What was she like?” Abby, “Pretty… and honestly kind of dumb.” Michelle, “Not unlike David.” Abby laughs, “Yeah…” she drifts off for a moment, “For as stupid a decision as sleeping with Beth was, I can’t stay mad at David. He saved me from Norman, and… when we were with the Amalekites, I was never scared because I knew David would save us. I trusted him that much. I still trust him that much.” Michelle, quietly, “Jack forgives him. He forgives both of them, David and Dad… but he’s always been like that. He’d rather just put things in the past and move on. I’m the one who can’t let things go. Dad and I have that in common.” Abby, “I gave David the slap of his life when I figured out what he’d done. Did it twice.” Michelle, “Wish I coulda been there.” She sits silently. Wordless flashback: Silas gives a speech, while child Jack and Michelle stand beside him, on either side of Rose. Michelle looks at the faces in the crowd, all of which are entranced and moved by her powerful father. Michelle gazes proudly at Silas. He pauses his speech, looks over at her, and smiles with pride and adoration. Back in the present time, Michelle still sits with her head on Abby’s shoulder, “I know David regrets what he did. I know I should just forgive him and get over it, but, I can’t. And I can’t figure out who it is I’m not forgiving: David, or Dad.” Abby puts her finger underneath Michelle’s chin, and gently raises her face so she can kiss her. They kiss slowly and passionately. On the table, a phone dings. Michelle looks at it, “And that’ll be the newlyweds.” Abby, “Do you want to get it?” Michelle reaches for the phone. On the screen, a ridiculously cute selfie of David and Jack, both smiling and laughing. Caption, “Jack hasn’t stopped smiling since we got here.” Abby, “Well, you have to give it to them, they are a cute couple.” Michelle sniffs and wipes away a tear, “Jack deserves this. He really does. David loves him so much.”

In their cabin, Jack curls up happily on David’s lap. David, “You know, five years ago, I thought I’d finish my tour in the army, go back to Bethlehem, and work on the family farm. Maybe once I had enough money, I’d buy my own. That was my wildest, most ambitious dream. I thought Prince Jack was just some douchebag I’d never, ever have anything to do with,” he grins, and Jack grins back, “I thought maybe I’d meet someone, get married, if it was a girl. I never thought I could be this happy. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He caresses the side of Jack’s face, and kisses him tenderly. Jack rests his head on David’s shoulder, and thinks for a moment. Slowly, he says, “Marriage, before… drowning. Felt like drowning.” David grows serious. Jack pauses to think, “Nine years old… family vacation. Beach.” flashback, nine-year-old Jack chases Michelle down a rocky, forested beach, while Silas and Rose look on in the background. In another shot, Jack swims through murky green water. Jack, “My foot, seaweed, caught,” his legs kick in a patch of seaweed, ams flail, “Can’t swim, can’t breathe,” his mouth opens, “Water, in my mouth… try to breathe, in my lungs…” his arms begin to lose their strength, but then something pulls Jack up. Silas drags a coughing, gasping Jack ashore, and sets him on the ground while he struggles to breathe. “Dad grabbed me…” Silas looks down at Jack, eyes full of worry, but the rest of him guarded, fearful of showing too much emotion. Back in real time, Jack goes on, “Marriage, Katrina, Lucinda… drowning,” He looks up at David, “I’m not drowning.” David kisses him adoringly. He looks Jack in the eye, “Jack, no one is going to hurt you, ever again. I swear, I won’t let anyone…” Jack gives him a long, lingering kiss.

(“All Is Full of Love (Voltaic Version)” Björk) David and Jack make passionate love. In their bedroom, Abby and Michelle make love. Michelle arches her back, grabs the pillows, and curls her toes as Abby pleasures her. Jack smiles blissfully as David kisses his neck. In the bed she used to share with Silas, Rose lays alone. Jack digs his fingernails into David’s back and grabs his ass. Michelle cries out with intense delight. Rose forlornly looks at the picture on her nightstand, young, handsome Silas, still in the army. Beyond that, the family portrait from Silas’s coronation. Rose looks at them in bewilderment, wondering where it all went wrong, and tears run down her face. Jack lays in David’s arms, and the two laugh happily. Michelle curls up with Abby, who kisses her forehead lovingly. Rose turns away from the pictures, and weeps.

[junkobears]

Here Lies Dreaded V3 Discourse

So I have seemed to cause a huge kerfuffle in the hardcore Ouma conspiracy theorists standom, and a banal (if condescending, but seeing the response to it honestly justifies it more than anything now. “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it”, you better believe I can take it and will now PROPERLY dish it out right back at you) comment about one of Tsumugi’s anime references has led to someone launching a hilariously personal attack at me for Daring To Disagree With A Theory That Was Posted On A Public Website. Someone who I wasn’t even initially responding too, at that. And has now blocked me before even allowing me to respond and clarify my original comments. Don’t want to deal with the consequences of being a repugnant, rude person I guess? Shock and surprise for Tumblr.

The link to the post is here, but I’ve taken the liberty to screenshot it just in case it gets deleted later, in hope that maybe there’ll be some reflection on this person’s part that this really is not an acceptable way to respond to people who have a dissenting opinion? Anyways, I will be responding to the personal attack post and that will be the last time I interact with this group, because clearly it’s not worth it to actually have a discussion about our respective ending theories. I ain’t got time beyond this for tedious insecure fucks these days.

Anyways, my response is under the cut to save my poor followers’ dashes. Sorry to drag drama onto my blog but I can’t really let this slide. I’m also tagging @jacks-plays-drv3 just because I assume the twin comes with the other with these two, and I want my response to have been seen.

Screenshot In This Link - This post is long enough without the image taking up more space, haha.

Let’s start with this mess, shall we? And I will go into painstaking detail.

Paragraph 1: So this already starts off with a whole lot of needless aggression and projection. So I’m not even going to attempt to be nice back. But: maybe I haven’t proven anything because I literally had not typed up a response to clarify my original comments @ Jacks yet before the rabid attack dog was unleashed? Like, there was literally no attempt from you to have a discussion that was a genuine offer from me, I was not out to get you actually. I also honestly just laughed at being called shallow, JUST LIKE THAT HORRIBLE CHARACTER TSUMUGI SHIROGANE right off the bat as well. That’s a compliment really, honey. Weirdly I don’t share the same opinions as you do. Tsumugi is my fave and unlike you I actually think about and HAVE analyzed/discussed her character in detail previously, which I would’ve been happy to share had you not immediately went into Blind Raging Idiot Mode. Guess we can’t have it all, huh?

As for needing proof that she makes the Flashback Lights... nevermind the CG that literally shows her making them during Chapter 6, but do you have proof that Monokuma is the person who makes the Lights instead of just placing them for the students? I doubt it, somehow. Cuz a lot of your theories don’t actually have any concrete proof. Quelle surprise. Probably why anyone not immediately on board with your headcanon gets you so goddamn angry, huh? Cuz it’s completely baseless and you know it at heart.

As for the Ouma comments, actually I have read the assorted creator comments regarding his character even if you like to believe I’m a slobbering moron who turned my brain off as soon as I finished V3, so yes I already know that his name was chosen to sound mastermind-like. Maybe this was to emphasize and make his fake mastermind reveal appear more legit on first read? JUST A THOUGHT, SWEETIE. You know the entire fucking point of Chapter 5? You’re so slavishly devoted to your theory that you actually are incapable of reading the basic fucking text from the actual game, but again. Not a surprise. Considering what I’ve read from your blog (really, who are you again? I only knew Jacks’ blog from before all this, so you taking such a personal offense at my comments is honestly hilarious but baffling at the same time. It ain’t all about you, babe.)

As for the lab door, here’s an simpler explanation (Occam’s Razor, look it up): The star sign constellation pattern was there as a hint for the player to connect Ouma’s messages from his dorm room to the vault in Amami’s lab once its opened and you can see the star signs in there. Or perhaps it was designed like that by TDR to make the students make that connection as well in the original script and think that Ouma was the mastermind cuz of the connection to Amami’s lab? Literally, there are a lot of possibilities, cuz it’s a NOTHING DETAIL THAT DOESN’T ACTUALLY MATTER IN THE BIG PICTURE. Considering Kodaka’s track record with writing these games I don’t actually believe it’s anything major, personally. He doesn’t really strike me as the type to hide this completely separate story underneath the actual story we got, and with such vague nothing “”””””””””””clues””””””””””””. You and Jacks do yourselves (well you already do cuz you love to jack yourselves off with how CLEVER AND BETTER you are than the rest of us plebs), sure, in believing otherwise (You have way too much faith in him as a writer. Or you’re desperately trying to pretend V3 wasn’t poorly written cuz you don’t like the Ch. 6 twist) but also realize that its nothing more than extrapolation on your part that it actually means anything beyond the.... SHALLOW (horror scream) connection given in-game.

And really, who the fuck cares if it doesn’t match the title of ‘Supreme Leader’? It’s already a ridiculous talent as it stands already. The entire point of his character is that everything about him, his motives and his talent is contradictory and weird. That’s why I like him, actually. He isn’t an abused martyr who never lies like you goons believe and he also isn’t the evil monstrous chessmaster some of the fandom thinks. It’s Complex Motives™ .

Anyways moving on. Pointing out an anime reference =/= DISREGARDING PEOPLE’S ANALYSIS. Pointing out that most of the plot leads up to and supports the fiction twist =/= uncritically agreeing with everything Tsumugi says. Actually, after examining the game’s story for myself I came to the conclusion that all the clues in it really only support her version of the story, really. There are a few things I think she lied about, but it is not CONCLUSIVELY proven she lied in my opinion and so I don’t really give a fucking toss until new canon comes out and reveals more of the V3 story. Oumatwin don’t real, gurl. If there was actually anything in-game beyond one obvious joke line in the NON-CANON!!!!!!! bonus mode supporting that he existed, maybe I’d respect your theory more. Even though you don’t deserve respect after your little tantrum. 

Paragraph 2: Jesus I already am investing way too much time into this response at people who don’t actually deserve it, oh well. But laughing hard at the attempt to try and act as if you weren’t being a snobby asshole with your comments. Again, HUGE AMOUNTS OF PROJECTION at me about things I literally have never done and said. I have never interacted with you or Jacks prior to my initial comment. No fucking clue why you brought up the SaiOuma shit, cuz I don’t even LIKE Saihara as a character and don’t like that fujobait ship in the slightest? But I guess it’s easier to assume that all your critics are the exact same fucking person with the same opinions, so you can feel more persecuted, huh? You literally did not even wait for me to respond or check my blog that would’ve easily disproven these dumb-as-fuck assumptions. And get off the fucking high horse (pun completely intended), you lot are not the only people in this fandom who are capable of critical thought. How completely self-obsessed can you be? 

For someone who claims to have a lot of critical thinking skills compared to this nasty fandom, you really are terrible at parsing other people’s words. You fucking know when I said “group of anime fans” that I was referring to Team Danganronpa, the organization literally mentioned in game as running the game. The group Tsumugi is part of. She literally has a company badge FFS. THEY ARE ANIME FANS. THEY ALL STARTED KILLING GAMES CUZ THEY ALL LOVE THIS SHITTY SERIES. I can’t believe this had to be explained. And the rest of this paragraph word salad is the most pedantic argument. It’s really not hard to believe an organization in this series would have access to all this tech. And yes, it’s a popular TV show in-universe, of course it’ll have funding. And the whole damn point of the ending is that the V3 world is consuming fiction the wrong way by having real-life killing games, missing the entire point of the DR series and fiction in general? What’s your actual point?

Paragraph 3: Again more assumptions, I wasn’t ‘crying’ about being called gullible. I was just pointing it out as part of your extremely unnecessary smug dismissal of my post. That you really haven’t disproved at all, btw. Honestly the childish response you both had to me just makes me laugh out of pity more than anything. And if I was really upset I wouldn’t have offered to have a discussion with you or even continued to reply after Jacks initial (vague) post about what I said. So don’t put words in my mouth. And yes my analysis was not completed in my initial comments. It’s Tumblr fucking replies, I can’t fit the entire fucking dissertation of Tsumugi opinions in there for you to jeer at in there. Again, I offered to share my opinions and got this as a response, so lol. You are your own worst enemy when it comes to trying to get people to take you and your theories seriously. 

Paragraph 4: Especially since you immediately jump to PULLING THINGS OUT OF YOUR ASS (seriously, fucking snorted at this part. I want this whole diatribe on my fucking gravestone. It’s by far the most hilariously petty thing ever said about me on this site.) instead of letting me explain my position. If you just want to be in the creepy cult Oumatwin echo chamber you should’ve just said and blocked me ASAP instead of word salading vague bullshit justifications for why actually people who disagree with you are just stupid crybabies who can never hope to understand your genius. Again, my initial comments didn’t whine about not being taken seriously at all, I was pointing out the hypocrisy/rudeness is all. And again, get off the high horse about critical thinking. I have thought about Tsumugi’s character and how she relates to the over-arching plot and how truthful it is, and the overall ‘mystery’ of V3 (spoiler: there is none. it was all solved by chapter 6). I have thought about this game. In fact I dedicate too much time to critical analysis of this series that doesn’t actually deserve it cuz lately I find Kodaka to be a hack writer. Your assumptions are flat-out wrong, dear. And AGAIN. I WOULD’VE. SHARED AND DISCUSSED IN MORE DETAIL HAD I BEEN GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY. But rude fucks gonna vomit shit out of their mouth cuz they have literally no self-control and have meltdowns at the slightest difference of opinion, I guess. 

Your extreme hatred for Tsumugi as a character truly shines through. Clearly no thought has been put into her from your end, even though you and Jacks rage about people not taking Ouma seriously as a character. Double standards as always with fujos. Nothing I’m not used too, she is incredibly unpopular in this fandom. And everyone is entitled to their own opinions. So I’m not even mad at that. I have never said otherwise. Even you and Jacks are valid in having your own theories and thoughts. The ending of V3 is designed entirely so everyone can analyze the game for themselves and draw their own conclusions about the story and themes. That’s the whole point. Even though I personally dislike that as a writing decision on Kodaka’s part because I would prefer the story to be conclusively ended and the epilogue is a giant turd that misses the entire point of Chapter 6 and enables shit (anal pun intended, dumbass) like this to start spreading as “Analysis”. But hey, to each their own.

However I will not be interacting with either of you again after this post though, even though I was willing to discuss beforehand, because you both have shown yourselves to be incredibly vile with the way you approach other people in this fandom, and especially those who don’t share your conspiracy theory. Despite the absolutely ironic comments I’ve seen from Oumanous in their later, also terrible posts about how you need to understand your opponent before engaging, which they literally failed entirely to do before engaging the firing squad at me and other commentators who responded. So much for the sanctity of discussion, huh? Enjoy your circlejerk. Everyone else who follows me in this fandom though? Please consider blocking these two if you are also a sane human being who is capable of polite discussion/disagreements. They are not worth your time otherwise. They were really not worth my time writing this post, but I felt I had to say something.

In conclusion: Out with the both of you.

[equivvitch]

Fassathon: A Summary (Part I)

So, this summer, in the year of Our Lord 2017, I decided to do something stupid and unnecessary, as I do, by watching every single theatrically-released movie Michael Fassbender has been in thus far. Every single one. I dubbed it the Fassathon and didn’t rest until I was finished. (I know a lot of his early career was in television and in television movies (trust me I know the only thing I have to type in my search bar is “im” and his IMDb page pops up automatically) and given more time I’ll probably watch some of those but for the sake of not having to watch like seven more movies I granted myself that leniency.)

All in all, I’d say it took about two months. In total I believe I watched 24 movies, having already watched five beforehand (the new X-Men trilogy, Shame, and Jane Eyre) for a grand total of 29 damn movies (full disclosure, one was a bonus which you’ll see eventually but whatever). Some of them were actually ones I needed/wanted to watch but a lot were….not.

In any case, for the sake of posterity and making myself feel better about being a dumbass, I decided to write up some kind of summary piece about it, so that’s what this is. It got fuckign long so it’s gonna be divided into three parts: two just reviewing the movies and one with some summary thoughts.

This is part one, but first, it wouldn’t be a post by me without eighty disclaimers so let’s get that out of the way first:

This is all subjective obviously. Keep in mind I had to watch all of these so a lot of times I tended to compare them more to themselves than films as a whole. I tried to see the big picture after the fact but when you have 28 films to watch you tend to get hyper-focused on the task at hand. Also I’m not a film critic. I’m just an asshole and a dumbass, a dumb asshole if you will. I am interested in film theory but that means about jack since I have no formal education in it.

It should also be noted that a) Fassbender’s performances in these movies were almost uniformly excellent. The man can carry a movie on his goddamn back and often does if required to do so. This was noted consistently to the point of it being funny in the reviews of each movie. b) A lot of these are British movies. They’re not Hollywood. Just…..pointing it out. And c) I’m 1000% attached to some of these films/franchises outside of this “challenge.” X-Men in particular and also Jane Eyre I’m invested in deeply so that might affect my ideas.

That out of the way, without further ado, some reviews, thoughts, and recommendations:

X-Men: First Class (Erik Lehnsherr)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: At the height of the Cold War, Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr meet under unlikely circumstances and form an even more unlikely bond. They end up with a common goal in defeating a ghost of Erik’s past, Sebastian Shaw, who is determined to cause nuclear war between the U.S. and Soviet Union in hopes of destroying all humans and making way for mutant rule. The two set out and put together a team of mutants to help combat him, but push their relationship in the process to an unfortunate breaking point.

Some Thoughts: I have watched First Class so many times you have no idea. Understand, I once did a full rewatch of this movie for the sole purpose of fact-checking a post that was talking about how many times Charles says “Erik” throughout the movie. I sat there and tallied them by rewatching the entire thing. I love this movie to pieces, so I really have no ability to objective over it. Because of that I do know its flaws pretty well, trust me. It has issues (coughs about the ridiculous awful romantic subplots), but I really do think it’s a strong film and an interesting start to this quasi-reboot. Ultimately it’s a movie about the relationship between Erik and Charles, so that is its strongest point. There are some big shoes to fill, considering Sirs Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan had the roles first, but McAvoy and Fassbender do a great job with it. It was stated in interviews that McAvoy was cast first and then they made the guys going out for the role of Erik read with him to cast a chemistry instead of a person and it shows. It really is shot like a love story, especially when the B-plot is an explicit romance between Hank and Raven. In my opinion it’s a fun ride, watching everyone meet and use their powers, train together and learn together. The ending is not that happy and I always shake hands with movies that dare to do that, especially big films like this (see GotG 2). It can be silly and frustrating at times, but after Last Stand I feel like we could only go up. I know some people really don’t like this movie which? I guess I’d like to hear from someone who doesn’t to understand why. That being said, Armando deserved better. Fuck his nonsensical death.

Warnings: Montages? Also some violence. Not a ton but what’s there sticks in your head.

Recommend?: Yeah! If you like superhero movies this is a pretty solid one.

X-Men: Days of Future Past (Erik, but this time in the 70s, and with less turtlenecks and more scarves)

Rating: 9/10

Quick Summary: (This plot is so convoluted I’m going to have to be vague otherwise this could take years.) In an apocalyptic future these robots called Sentinels are murdering everyone, particularly mutants because at one point a guy named Dr. Trask got ahold of Mystique’s DNA and used it to make them indestructible. The always wonderful and patient Logan gets sent back to the past to try and stop this from happening. There he finds Charles in a terrible, drug-induced spiral having lost everything and has to attempt to get him out of it so he can help find Raven who’s gone rogue and wants to kill Trask for his experimentation on mutants. In the process they join up with Erik, courtesy of Peter/Quicksilver, which doesn’t go well, which no one could have ever seen coming. The whole thing comes to a head when Raven has to decide whether to become a murderer and risk an even darker future or let Trask walk free and go against what she believes in.

Some Thoughts: I remember so clearly sitting the theatre and seeing the first preview for this, turning to my family and joking about the really stupid title. Like “Days of Future Past? What kind of title is that?” It’s up there with Back to the Future in terms of dumb titles, but is somehow pretty much acknowledged as the best of the current three, alternate timeline movies?? In spite of its ridiculously convoluted plot, it’s a really solid film and has great character development for two of the big players, Charles and Raven. Wolverine acts as a familiar foundation and point of view for the story and grounds it as he often does. Charles has to learn to stop trying to control those around him and move on with his life despite past losses, and Raven has to make a pivotal choice for her character. The scene at the end where it’s flipping between the future and past and all the original cast and the new cast are fighting at the same time is really cool, and the character arcs are strong and satisfying. The only one who doesn’t change much is Erik, but arguably First Class was his platform for character development or, more accurately, regression. He doesn’t do anything that helpful (which is….true to form) but watching him lift an entire fucking baseball stadium, fly it through the air, and drop it on top of the White House is pretty rad. Also Quicksilver is incredible holy shit the way they do his scenes is iconic. Kind of confusing maybe, but it also retconned almost the entirety of the original timeline in a genius move to destroy Last Stand once and for all. It’s usually called the best for a reason.

Warnings: Wolverine gets stabbed by stuff and shot a lot but that’s par for the course

Recommend?: Yep! But you might want to have watched some of the other movies first. Watching it with no background would probably be….too much.

X-Men: Apocalypse (Still Erik/Polish(?) Lumberjack/Poster child for Man Pain™)

Rating: 5/10

Quick Summary: An ancient mutant named Apocalypse (or En Sabah Nur if we’re going to be technical) awakens in the midst of the 80s (because there must be a 10 year gap between each movie it’s a rule). He used to rule but now he doesn’t and he’s mad so now he wants to destroy the world or some shit and rebuild it in his image. He does this by getting together his four horsemen (get it) including Erik who is inexplicably in Poland with yet another family that gets fridged. The X-Men find this out and get together to take him down.

Some Thoughts: I can (and have) ranted about this movie for literal hours. I have some serious personal gripes with it and it annoys me to the point where I’ve blown it out of proportion so keep that in mind. That rating might be a bit low but this movie is mediocre at best. I guess the core of it is because the X-Men conflict is a lot more interesting when they’re up against some government entity or society as a whole rather than just some random villain, at least to me. This movie also does not have a strong foundation like the first two did, no solid grounding point. In XMFC it was Erik and Charles’s relationship, in DoFP it was Wolverine being the POV character, but in this we really have nothing. The stuff with the kids is probably the most interesting and I hope they do more of that in the upcoming sequel. It has a few good moments (Quicksilver’s scene and Erik dramatically throwing down giant steel beams in the shape of an “X” in front of Apocalypse as he switches sides to save Charles and co stick out in my mind) but it tends to drag otherwise. There are about twenty plots going on and it takes forever for them all to connect. The romantic subplot crap is a pain in the ass and dragging Moira back was particularly idiotic when you realize they once again gave her nothing to do in the final act except overlook Charles completely violating her personhood in the first movie by wiping her mind without consent so she can get back together with him. The shit with Erik’s Poland family is stupid even if it’s done well. Magneto of all fucking people does not need more man pain for god’s sake. Lawrence is so checked out she really might as well be a phone recording as Lindsay Ellis points out in her Loose Canon series on YouTube. The only one who really had any interesting development was Storm and I hope they keep on with her because she’s a really good character. There’s just not much there for me, or what is there isn’t of any value. I really hope the next one is better. (Probably a far-fetched hope but a girl can dream.)

Warnings: Lazy writing (and comic-book-movie-typical violence)

Recommend?: I mean you probably want to watch if you’re watching the series. It’s not the worst X-Men movie. I’m probably a little harsh on it. There are the Wolverine sequels. Still, if you’re not that invested, it’s probably not worth it.

Jane Eyre (Rochester)

Rating: 11/10 10/10

Quick Summary: Jane Eyre has lived a fairly unfortunate life, having been put under watch of her cruel aunt after her parents’ deaths and consequently sent to a boarding school that beats its pupils into submission, but remains strong in spite of this. She finds herself a new job as a governess at Thornfield Hall and soon meets its master, Edward Fairfax Rochester. The two begin to talk and form an interesting relationship in spite of their large age difference. Jane begins to fall for her employer, overlooking his rough exterior to the person underneath. Rochester reciprocates, but all is not well. Jane discovers her lover is hiding a dark secret and must decide whether to be true to her love for him or to herself.

Some Thoughts: I WOULD DIE FOR JANE EYRE TBH THE DAY NETFLIX TOOK IT OFF WAS A TRAVESTY. Really, though it’s such a good movie and very loyal to the book. It’s a period piece, but it’s very different from something like Pride and Prejudice, a lot because Jane is such an interesting character. I love her and Mia Wasikowska does a great job. Rochester is a bitch, but…..he’s a bitch with a good heart. Realistically he’s supposed to be kind of….not good looking? So casting Fassbender might have been counterproductive, but it does mean he has to compensate for his incredibly square jawline which can’t be hidden behind that shit sideburn beard with his acting, which he does very well. His charisma kind of helps to smooth over the fact that Rochester can be standoffish to viewers that aren’t prepared for him. He is no Mr. Darcy. The chemistry between the two is great and the story is really enthralling. The music is gorgeous and the ending is satisfying. Well-shot, well-paced, loyal to the original, just a great adaptation all together. It’s not a happy movie, but it has a happy ending. I really have nothing but good things to say about it. Please give it a chance if you’re even a bit interested.

Warnings: You might cry/a little blood

Recommend?: Yes!

Shame (Brandon)

Rating: 10/10

(Quick note: if you’re like “wow you sure aren’t harsh on these movies” listen this was back when I was actually choosing the ones I wanted to watch….so yeah….these are mostly good ones at first. There are definitely some bads on here….don’t you worry…)

Quick Summary: Without giving away everything: Brandon is a pretty normal man struggling with a sex addiction which he basically refuses to acknowledge at the beginning of the movie. His lifestyle is disrupted when his younger sister Sissy comes to stay at his apartment without asking him first. The rest of the film is about their complicated and mildly toxic relationship and Brandon dealing (and not dealing) with his addiction with mixed results.

Some Thoughts: This is one of those movies like Brokeback Mountain that just kind of….sticks on you. I felt that way about Silence of the Lambs too where you watch it and then you can’t really forget about it. Fassbender has worked with Steve McQueen who directed this film three times, this being the second, and they make a great pair. McQueen loves him some long takes and he does them well. His style of directing is unflinching to the point of it being uncomfortable which works well for the type of stories he likes to tell. It’s a very quiet movie, not much dialogue, but it really hits home. This really is one of Fassbender’s best of performances in my opinion. He can do a lot with just his expressions and it really shows here. The dynamic between him and Carey Mulligan who plays Sissy is really poignant. I probably could never do it justice with words alone. It’s difficult to watch, but worth it. It’s one of those movies where the protagonist doesn’t really grow, pointed out very blatantly here. True development hasn’t taken place, at least not yet. Whether or not you think it actually will after this is left up to how optimistic you are for the characters and the story.

Warnings: This is rated NC-17 for a reason. They do not shy away from anything and they do not cut you a break by easing into it. Translation: if you’re disinterested in becoming familiar with some very particular bits of Fassy’s anatomy I’d steer clear. Also strong warning for themes (and fairly graphic depictions) of self-harm.

Recommend?: I would never tell someone to watch this movie, but I would definitely advocate for it. Read the description (that a professional has written, not just mine fff), check the warnings, see if you’re up for it. This is one you need to choose to watch, not be forced to.

Macbeth (Macbeth)

Rating: 6/10

Quick Summary: Oh god, I still don’t remember the plot of this thing…. I swear I read it once but you’d be better off reading the Spark Notes or something. It’s based on the Shakespeare play (obviously) where this dude named Macbeth and his wife Lady Macbeth go around killing people to gain power because some weird ladies in the middle of a field told him he’d be king. Everyone fucking dies at the end per usual due to really ridiculous loopholes. A grand old time, as always, with Mr. ‘speare.

Some Thoughts: Listen pal I got food poisoning trying to watch this damn movie THE CURSE OF THE SCOTTISH PLAY IS REAL. But really, it’s kind of what you’d expect? All of this is coming from me, an idiot, who doesn’t remember the play super well and is shit at Shakespeare, so bear that in mind, but?? It stuck to the original pretty well. It’s played dead-ass straight, so know that right now. There is no humor in this movie ever; it’s completely serious. Also impossible to understand because it’s Shakespearean English in Scottish accents. You’d be better off with a background knowledge of the play I think. That said, the visuals in this movie are absolutely gorgeous holy shit. The ending fight scene is incredible. That alone made it worth the watch for me at least. Marion Cotillard who plays Lady Macbeth is amazing as well. What a great performance. It’s a solid film. You need to accept its no-nonsense attitude to get into it, but otherwise it’s fine.

Warnings: It gets pretty bloody, but not overly so.

Recommend?: Not really, unless you really like the play or have a good knowledge of it already. It’s beautiful, but a little too serious for the casual viewer. I assume that’s why its reviews are kind of mixed.

Prometheus (David)

Rating: 6.5/10

Quick Summary: Two scientists discover a series of ancient drawings, all of which are very similar despite appearing hundreds of years and thousands of miles apart. They believe this might be a clue as to how the human race came to be, a path to our creators. They set out on the Prometheus to investigate a planet they believe to be the origin of these so called “engineers.” Things go awry as one might expect when they find the planet is already inhabited, but not by any “engineers.” Moreover, several crewmembers have secret motivations of their own for coming along which doesn’t really turn out well for anyone.

Some Thoughts: I feel like a lot of people don’t like Prometheus because it’s a think-y movie. It’s not really an action-packed thriller like other movies in the Alien franchise. This was the first in the franchise I’d ever seen so I didn’t really go in with those kind of expectations which I think was to my benefit. If you go in looking for answers you’re probably going to not like it, but I just sort of went to have a good time and pretty much did. Noomi Rapace as Elizabeth Shaw is really great. I really enjoyed her as the main character. There are some really good actors in this movie and I think they do a good job. I loved Idris Elba’s character a lot for example. It’s a beautiful film as well. Fassbender plays David, the resident android of the ship. It was interesting to watch him play a robot because he is, to me, a very emotive actor and this had to be more restrained. I don’t remember the movie super well which probably speaks to it just being an average sort of film. It’s not great, but it’s not as bad as some people seemed to think it was. Just go along for the ride and it can be a good popcorn flick.

Warnings: There’s one really graphic surgery scene that was hard to watch, but otherwise it’s (compared to the other Alien film on this list) not too bad. It really is more introspective than bloody. Also, maybe obviously, there are aliens in this movie.

Recommend?: If you’re into sci-fi thought-pieces, sure. Just don’t go in expecting a masterpiece.

Alien: Covenant (Walter and David, yes both)

Rating: (completely subjective) 8/10

Quick Summary: A group of forgettable, idiot crewmembers who are all inexplicably married for no reason other than a desperate bid to get you to care about them in any way (you won’t. trust me. they’re so stupid you’ll probably rooting against them eventually) are piloting a ship called the Covenant with 2000-some passengers and a lot of embryos on a colonizing mission. Along the way they intercept a strange transmission coming from another habitable planet they hadn’t noticed before which is much closer and decide to investigate. Once there things take a turn for the worst. After several deaths and the completely avoidable destruction of their ship, they run into David who’s been living alone on the planet for ten years after the Prometheus crashed there. They soon learn that they would have been better off braving the planet and waiting for rescue alone.

Some Thoughts: Listen I went into this movie completely expecting it to be horrible. This really was the one that started it all, where I decided I’d watch all of them. I wasn’t going to watch it because it looked ridiculous, but then it was available to rent and I was curious. In all honesty, I really only went in to see with my own eyes how and why the actual hell Fassbender was playing two characters which at some point kiss, so that was part of it. Ultimately I ended up really liking it. Now mind you, this is not a good movie. It’s not. The cast is forgettable and stupid to the point where you just want them to die already and get it over with. The only person I even slightly cared about was Daniels, the main crewmember character you follow. People die without any pomp and the movie is riddled with clichés. That said, it is a lot more like what I expect an Alien movie usually is. There’s a lot more fighting of aliens and a lot more blood. So what’s with the rating? Really it’s completely subjective, but if you know me and watch this movie you’ll probably understand. Let’s just say I have a very specific type of character I tend to like and this movie delivers.

Fassbender carries this gotdamn movie on his back half the time and somehow pulls off the ridiculous scenario of him being the two different robots. The interactions between Walter and David really were some of the more interesting parts of the film for me, completely ridiculous as they are (“I’ll do the fingering”). If you can just suspend your disbelief and go with it I insist that it can be a good time. My favor of the movie really comes from my opinion of David and I think that’s what will make or break the movie for you. It was a ballsy choice of protagonist, and when you realize that I think the forgettable main crew is a little more justifiable. Big kudos for the ending as well, at least from me. It ended exactly the way I wanted it to, and I ended up being invested in who I needed to be invested in. It’s a stupid movie, but I do think you can have fun watching it if you’re in it for the right stuff (namely the fassbots).

(Also, people are not happy about the fuck-million more Alien movies in the works but hear me out…. I have a great pitch idea….what if with every new movie we just double the number of Fassbenders…… so there’s four and then eight and then sixteen all the way until we just have infinite Fassbenders….. listen this is a great plan Mr. Scott please hire me as script consultant from now on)

Warnings: This is a lot more of a horror movie than Prometheus. It’s bloody and violent, and yes there are more aliens. Also it is really stupid. Also warnings for that sweet, sweet ‘bot-on-‘bot action ;)

Recommend?: I mean….not really. Again my opinion is so subjective here that it’s worth a grain of salt. If you do, you need to watch Prometheus first because you need to form an opinion of David.

Hunger (Bobby Sands)

Rating: 5/10

Quick Summary: Without me sitting here for like a half hour looking up a lot of proper names and dates (which I’ve already done once when I was watching the damn thing), this a movie about a hunger strike led by a man named Bobby Sands. It takes place in a prison in Northern Ireland. A group of people called the Republicans who are fighting against being part of Britain and want one united Ireland are being arrested for political acts and are protesting in any way they can. This begins with bathing and clothing strikes, and eventually leads to a hunger strike when this accomplishes nothing.

Some Thoughts: So this is a critically-acclaimed movie and I know people really like it. I guess I can see why but compared to McQueen’s other films I didn’t think it was super impressive. It’s his first project with Fassbender and in a lot of ways it feels like an early-career film. It has a lot of pacing issues. I read reviews saying it’s two movies in one and it really is. As an American (and therefore a dumbass when it comes to conflicts in other countries because our history classes here are Shit) it was sort of a confusing movie to watch just because I didn’t really have any background knowledge about what was happening. I was doing a lot of googling throughout to catch myself up with the conflict and acronyms etc. It’d definitely strike more of a chord with someone who knew about it beforehand. It is a prison movie and it’s difficult to watch because of that. There’s a lot of mistreatment of prisoners and just kind of gross stuff in general. I was whining at one point about the hunger strike not starting until like…20 minutes before the movie ends but I see now why it didn’t because you’re basically just watching Fassbender starve to death from that point on and it’s Not Fun. There are impressive parts of it. There’s a long take of a conversation between Bobby and a priest where he explains his idea of starting a hunger strikes that is, I shit you know, seventeen fucking minutes long. It’s crazy. There are other long takes in the film but they’re not always used super effectively. This can cause the movie to drag at times. The use of sound in the movie is also really amazing. It’s very quiet usually, but picks its loud moments and picks them well. Overall I didn’t get much out of watching it, but that’s just me. I didn’t think it was worth the difficult watch.

Warnings: It’s unrated but I bet it would be R or even NC-17 if it was. Lots of disturbing shots of violence against prisoners and behaviors of the prisoners themselves tbh. There’s nudity as well, but it’s used as humiliation mostly. As usual, McQueen’s style of filmmaking is unflinching and watching someone starve to death isn’t fun.

Recommend?: Not really. McQueen has better films you could watch. Unless you’re personally interested in the conflict at hand, I’d skip it.

Frank (Frank)

Rating: 10/10

Quick Summary: An untalented aspiring musician named Jon suddenly stumbles across the opportunity of a lifetime to play in actual band when they find themselves out a keyboard player the day before a performance. Jon lends them a hand and is accepted into the group in spite of some friction with most of the members. They invite him back on what ends up being year-long trip into the woods to write a new album. While living with the band, the Soronprfbs, Jon gets to know the members better, as well as their many quirks. Notably, there is Don, the manager who seems level-headed if somewhat depressed, Clara, who doesn’t take Jon’s being there very well, and Frank, the apparent leader of the band. Jon takes a special interest in Frank who appears to be the heart and soul of the group. In spite of wearing a giant fake head at all times, he’s very friendly, encouraging, and strangely inspiring. As they work to write their album, Jon begins to record and post their progress on social media, gaining them a new following of people amused by their bizarre antics. This new popularity ends up landing them a bigger gig than they’ve ever had before, but comes at the cost of risking the band’s identity and solidarity.

Some Thoughts: Frank is an amazing movie. If someone wasn’t interested in Jane Eyre but wanted a Fassbender rec, I would 100% give this one. I love this movie to pieces and I’m so glad I watched it because I was initially on the fence with it. In fact, I liked it so much I watched it twice within my rental period, and have now purchased it. If you’re looking for something close to a comedy on this list, this is it. I kind of describe it as if Wes Anderson directed Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, threw in a strong lesson about mental illness, and bumped up the rating a bit. This movie is hilarious and wonderful and poignant. The message is a really good one and one I don’t think we hear a lot. It’s a good commentary on the relationship between art and mental illness, and it’s done respectfully for the most part. Fassbender as Frank is kind of incredible. You don’t see his face for the majority of the film, but he still gives an amazing performance. I think it shows how talented he is as an actor that he pulls this part off so well. You’re intrigued as much as Jon is by him, or at least I was. The humor is a little out there and some of the themes may be off-putting, but I really do think this is one to see. Maggie Gyllenhaal as Clara is fantastic as well. It’s a difficult part but she pulls it off so wonderfully. Domhnall Gleeson as Jon gives a decent grounding point of view character as well. It’s funny and touching and goddammit maybe someday I’ll watch one of these movies without crying but that ending hit me right in the heart.

Warnings: Themes of self-harm and mental illness are present. They’re not played as a joke, but they’re there.

Recommend?: Yes please watch this movie I beg of you it deserves all the praise

Fish Tank (Connor)

Rating: 5/10

Quick Summary: The movie is a coming-of-age story of sorts for the protagonist Mia. Mia has a difficult home life with a neglectful and often abusive mother as well as a penchant for causing trouble. Having been kicked out of school she is directionless which only furthers her spiral downward. Her only true passion is dancing, but she prefers to do this privately. One day she meets her mother’s latest fling, Connor. Unlike the others, however, Connor seems there to stay. Mia begins to interact with Connor and the two form a relationship. Connor is kind to both her and her younger sister, treating them with respect and parental affection they do not receive otherwise. Connor encourages Mia’s hobby and leads her to begin searching for a career in dancing, helping to turn her life around. Things take a turn when Mia and Connor overstep a boundary in their relationship and this leads to Mia discovering that Connor was not what she thought he was.

Some Thoughts: I’m very…ambivalent about this movie, so I don’t probably have a lot interesting to say about it. It seems to me that Fish Tank is a part of a very particular genre of movie about a specific part of the British lower class, making it difficult to relate to for someone who hasn’t experienced that way of life. I watched another movie called Beautiful Thing a long time ago that was part of this genre as well, and that’s what Fish Tank reminded me of more than anything else. It seems to be characterized by poor, crowded living conditions and abusive family dynamics more than anything else. The characters struggle to get by and are generally mean-spirited to everyone they encounter automatically. It can make for a bitter watching experience, even if it is realistic. Mia is a somewhat believable teenager. Since this is a British movie about hip-hop dancing however and the actress playing Mia has…little to no actual dancing skill, any parts of the movie that have to do with this dancing can be embarrassing to watch. You really have to accept that it’s stupid and move past it to watch the thing.

The relationship between Mia and Connor is…troubling which I’m sure it’s supposed to be but it’s never resolved. Some of the scenes in the movie are disturbing as some in Hunger. One of my biggest issues with the movie was there really seemed to be a conversation missing. The end of the film felt like it was lacking a crucial interaction between the two and it made the ending fall pretty flat, at least for me. I know people like this movie and it’s award-winning but I couldn’t relate to it in any meaningful way. It left me feeling conflicted more than anything else. I have no strong or final opinion on this movie. I do respect that it had a female director, but I feel as though I very clearly wasn’t its intended audience, so its impact on me was minor at best and non-existent at worst. There are some nice cheesecake shots in it of Fassbender I guess. I think it still wins for best ass shot afdjks;lj

Warnings: Some disturbing character behavior, especially from Mia. Abusive family dynamics and physical child abuse are also present. Also statutory r*pe. Also some really embarrassing excuses for hip-hop dancing and general cultural appropriation shit that comes from a British movie about hip-hop.

Recommend?: You can try it, but I wouldn’t advocate for it. There are better artsy films to watch unless you’re actually in the target demographic and think you might like this sort of movie.

Inglourious Basterds (Lt. Archie Hicox)

Rating: 7/10

Quick Summary: When she was young, Shosanna’s family was murdered by Nazis hunting down Jewish families who had escaped to France. Now, as a young woman, she finds herself with the opportunity to get revenge. Meanwhile, Lt. Aldo Raine has formed a group of rogue Nazi-hunters called the Basterds, infamous throughout Germany for their lack of restraint and ability to avoid capture. His team is hired by the Allies to help with a plot to hopefully take out all the big political figures in the Nazi party, including Hitler himself, in one fell swoop. It just so happens these two plans are meant to take place in the same place, on the same night.

Some Thoughts: This is the first Tarantino movie I’ve ever seen and I do think it was good for me to at least see one. I was glad to see the movie itself too, actually. It was one on here I just needed to watch outside of this thing. I enjoyed it for all it reveled (as expected) in gore occasionally. I really loved Shosanna. Mélanie Laurent did an excellent job with her and she was easily the best part of the film for me, though I did enjoy Brad Pitt’s shenanigans as Aldo. Fassbender has kind of a bit part in this one which was a little different, since he tends to steal the spotlight otherwise. It really wasn’t my favorite performance of his. It was a little unfocused, though that might be because his character is just a plot device. Kind of a shame but in true X-Men fashion all he did was show-up, fuck things up, and then make his exit. Ah well. It’s well-shot and a good time, if a little long. The blood was there, but not excessive. Maybe a good choice if you, like me, wanted to see one of these movies, but were a little nervous about the violence.

Warnings: Typical Tarantino violence, I presume. Really, it’s just a few focused shots of it, but there is scalping in this movie, as well as some mutilation and gunshot wounds. I whipped my hand up to cover the screen more the once throughout and I’m pretty decent with blood.

Recommend?: Sure. It’s a pretty solid film and last time I checked it’s free on Netflix.

Centurion (Quintus Dias)

Rating: 6.5/10

Quick Summary: In the something-or-other A.D. the Romans are up somewhere near Britain trying to expand the empire, as one does, but are having trouble with the native peoples of those lands called the Picts. The Picts keep decimating their armies, as they do with Quintus Dias’s men. The Picts take him in rather than killing him because he speaks their language, allowing him to escape and meet up with another regiment. Together, they try again to attack the Picts and again are defeated handily. This time the Picts take their general of sorts. Dias and a small group of men are the only ones to survive and attempt to rescue him, but ultimately fail. Afterwards they begin their attempt to escape to safety, all the while being hunted by the Picts.

Some Thoughts: So I fully expected to hate this movie. When I saw this was the other one on Netflix I was Not Happy, but? It kind of surprised me. I think really it did a couple small things well and that turned my favor of it. It really isn’t that great of a movie, with a lot of narration and not a ton to say, but it’s certainly not offensive. It turned into a survival movie rather than a war movie which I greatly preferred. They also weren’t super over the top with the romantic subplot which was….SHOCKING. Usually, in my experience with the Fassathon, if there can be a sex scene there Will Be A Sex Scene, but not here. They meet a cool witch lady along the way who takes to Quintus, but never is it obnoxious, nor does it waste time with it. It was a breath of fresh air tbh…. I’m probably patting this movie on the back for little things too much, but I really do think it could have been a lot worse. It’s fine. I don’t really know who the target audience was supposed to be but it might be good for a night when you’re bored and can’t think of anything else to watch. You get to watch Fassbender run valiantly and stupidly shirtless through the snow if nothing else.

Warnings: It can get bloody, but not overly so. Also mentions of past sexual assault, but nothing shown.

Recommend?: Eh…like I said. Maybe for the night you’re flipping around and there’s nothing on. Decent popcorn flick, probably not worth spending money on.

Trespass Against Us (Chad Cutler)

Rating: 3/10

Quick Summary: Nothing I could write will make this movie’s plot make any damn sense but I’ll try anyway. Basically there’s this family called the Cutlers who are….Irish tent-people and also a weird kind of mob family with a patriarch named Colby. They live in this little trailer park circle and commit crimes to get by. The plot basically revolves around Fassbender’s character Chad Cutler trying to get out from under Colby’s thumb in order to give his wife and two children a better life. Unfortunately, it seems again and again that he’s already dug his grave and there’s nothing to do but lie in it.

Some Thoughts: So this is a weird movie. The whole conceit is weird and another one that you just kind of have to go with to be able to watch it. Its problem is that it doesn’t really have an arc or a narrative that goes anywhere. If it really had wanted to do something it would have needed to allow Chad to make any progress in his attempts to get away. The dialogue is full of slang and really difficult to understand at times. The whole dynamic of the family is sort of confusing and it’s never explained, just thrust upon you immediately. There are some good interactions, notably between Colby and Chad. The parental relationship between Chad and his son is interesting too, but it really just doesn’t go anywhere with itself. I got a little caught up in the emotionality of it watching it, but looking back I can see how flawed it is. I really don’t see what the director was getting at. Also the religious overtones are strange and didn’t do a whole lot. Just kind of unimpressive if still nice to look at sometimes.

Warnings: Animal death. A lot, actually, and often purposeful. Disturbing behavior, especially one scene where a man is stripped and humiliated. It was surprising and difficult to watch.

Recommend?: Hard pass. Skip it.

300 (Stelios)

Rating: 4/10

Quick Summary: Gerard Butler leads a group of 300 dudes against a gigantic, vaguely racist depiction of the Persian army.

Some Thoughts: I have nothing original to say about this movie, I’m sure. I was……not super happy to find it on here honestly, so I did my best to just enjoy it by making fun of it. Most people know what 300 is like. It’s got some interesting visuals, but it’s definitely one that looks pretty and does as little as possible. Mostly it’s a male power fantasy interwoven with quite a bit of racism, particularly in the portrayal of the Persians. It’s saturated with slow-mo shots and rousing speeches that aren’t really that important to anything. It’s a good one to watch on a bad movie night probably if you don’t mind some of the gore. This was Fassbender’s first theatrical appearance if I’m correct and he’s fine. I guess one plus-side of this movie is that everyone’s practically naked the whole time and super buff so that can be fun to ogle if nothing else. It is what it is.

Warnings: Body horror, lots of blood, and war stuff. Tiddies? Racism? Scottish yelling?

Recommend?: It’s your life buddy. It’s probably one to see once so you can rag on it in good conscience.

Steve Jobs (Steve Jobs)

Rating: 9/10

Quick Summary: A movie shot in three parts showing a dramatized version of the events before the release of three of Jobs’s products, focusing in on his relationship with his coworkers as well as past lover and daughter.

Some Thoughts: This is an excellent movie. It’s another one I’d readily recommend to anyone. The scale of the script is unheard of, meaning it’s super dialogue-heavy but you don’t notice at all. It’s completely absorbing. The performances are top-notch all around. This is another one of Fassbender’s best performances. He sinks into the role completely and does a phenomenal job. Kate Winslet is equally wonderful and balances Fassbender’s Jobs well. I really knew nothing about Jobs before watching this movie and I don’t know how much is true and how much is dramatized but I think that shows that even someone who knows nothing can enjoy it and find it interesting. The politics of it all were particularly wild to bear witness to. It’s a great character piece and it deserved the nominations it got in my opinion. I really liked Jobs’s relationship with his daughter as well. I don’t know how they managed to make a movie full of mostly talking so exciting but they did. I also think they did a great job of not idolizing Jobs at all, nor vilifying him. They walked a fine line and wrote him so he seemed truly human rather than a historical figure. That’s hard to do but they nailed it. Once again, I have little bad to say. If you’re not interested in Jane Eyre, Shame, or Frank here’s another good option for you.

Warnings: The IMDb parental advisory page said something about there being some sex/intimacy stuff but I never saw anything which makes me Highly Suspicious

Recommend?: Yes! Give it a chance!

(cont. in pt. 2 / pt. 3)

[hotvideo]

RUSH IT (1977)

COMEDY LEGEND HENNY “TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE” YOUNGMAN HAS A SON NAMED GARY. I’M GONNA GO OUT ON A LIMB AND SAY THAT GARY WAS ONE OF THOSE FREE-SPIRITED CELEBRITY KIDS OF THE 1960s/70s, YOU KNOW THE KIND. AN AGITATOR, EVER PLAYING HIS PAN FLUTE FOR THE PEOPLE, JUST HIM AND HIS TRUST FUND AGAINST THE WORLD. THE WORLD, IN GARY’S CASE, WAS NEW YORK CITY. BUT OFF-OFF BROADWAY WASN’T HIS BAG, SO GARY CROSSED OVER INTO FILMMAKING. OLD MAN YOUNGMAN GAVE HIM THE GREEN LIGHT, LINED UP THE FINANCIERS AND GARY SHOT RUSH IT WITH ALL HIS NEW YORK ACTOR FRIENDS, IN HOPES OF USING THE MATERIAL LIKE A 78-MINUTE TALENT REEL. THE CAST INCLUDES FUTURE HOLLYWOOD HEAVYWEIGHTS LIKE TOM BERENGER (THE BIG CHILL), JOHN HEARD (CUTTER’S WAY) AND JILL EIKENBERRY (TV’s “L.A. LAW”).  AFTER VIACOM ACQUIRED RIGHTS TO THE FILM, RUSH IT PLAYED A LOT ON MOVIE CHANNELS LIKE SHOWTIME. THE SOLE VIDEO RELEASE OF RUSH IT CAME IN THE FORM OF A BIG OL’ CLAMSHELL VHS FROM UNICORN VIDEO, MARKETED AFTER TOM BERENGER’S CAREER TOOK OFF. I TRACKED DOWN A COPY OF THE TAPE AT EDDIE BRANDT’S SATURDAY MATINEE.  

RUSH IT IS ABOUT A CAREFREE FEMALE BIKE MESSENGER (JUDY KAHAN) MAKING HER WAY IN THE CITY. SHE’S GOT THAT QUASI-ANNOYING ANNIE HALL THING GOING ON, IF A LITTLE MORE JEWISH AND, WELL, BASICALLY HARMLESS BECAUSE SHE’S IN HER TWENTIES AND ISN’T ANYONE’S MOTHER YET. SHE RIDES AROUND MANHATTAN IN A DUMB HAT, SMILING AT EVERYTHING WHILE BUZZY LINHART’S EBULLIENT SONGS BLAST OVER THE SOUNDTRACK. COULD BE WORSE. I MEAN, THE WORLD DIDN’T COMPLETELY SUCK BACK THEN. SURE, WE THOUGHT IT DID. OH, DID WE EVER! WE THOUGHT IT WAS OVER, MAN. THE SIXTIES WERE OVER. THE SIXTIES WERE GREAT! THE SEVENTIES WERE FAR WORSE. THESE WERE THE POST-WATERGATE YEARS. NEW YORK WAS ONE BROKE-ASS TOILET, AND YET IT WAS KIND OF MAGICAL, TOO.

DISCLAIMER: NO ONE WHO APPEARS IN RUSH IT WAS EVER A BIKE MESSENGER. REAL BIKE MESSENGERS DON’T KICK THEIR FEET UP WHILE TRAVERSING DANGEROUS METROPOLITAN TERRAIN, THEY RUN RED LIGHTS, FLIP STRANGERS THE BIRD AND DRINK FORTIES IN THE PARK. IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT, A GANG OF THESE CATS WILL APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE, UNBUCKLE THE SEATBELT STRAPS ON THEIR MESSENGER BAGS, MOVE FOR THEIR CHAIN WALLETS AND REENACT A SCENE FROM THE ‘96 X-GAMES. REMEMBER PUCK FROM MTV’s “THE REAL WORLD”? THAT’S A FUCKING BIKE MESSENGER! INCORRIGIBLE, UNREPENTANT B.Y.O.B. PUNKHOUSE SNOTROCKET RASCALS.  

“How ‘bout a date tonight, bimbo?”

THIS LUNATIC PLAYS THE PERVED-OUT DISPATCHER AT THE MESSENGER SERVICE. APPARENTLY JOE SPINELL WAS NOT AVAILABLE FOR THE ROLE, SO GARY CAST SOME ELEVATOR MAN WITH A CHECKERED PAST INVOLVING MANY INCIDENTS OF PUBLIC MASTURBATION. HE’S THE MOST AUTHENTIC SLICE OF THE APPLE IN THIS TURKEY. WHY CAN’T THE MOVIE BE ABOUT HIS TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS? LET’S FOLLOW HIM AROUND WHILE HE’S HAGGLING OVER THE PRICE OF A PAPAYA AT HIS LOCAL BODEGA OR CHECKING OUT THE SNATCH ON 42nd STREET.

HERE’S TOM BERENGER DOING HIS BEST BOTICELLI POSE FOR SOME LITTLE CHINA GIRL. BERENGER’S CHARACTER IS A STALLION WHO PREYS ON CITY CHICKS WITH HIS LOOKS, ESCHEWING ALL STRINGS IN THE CLASSIC LOVE ‘EM AND LEAVE ‘EM STYLE. HIS PREFERENCE, ADMITTEDLY, IS FOR “MORE MATURE WOMEN... ESPECIALLY MARRIED ONES.” YEP, IN THE END, HE’S JUST A GIGOLO. OH, BUT WHAT HE REALLY WANTS TO BE IS A FAMOUS PAINTER!

BERENGER TRIES TO PICK UP JUDY, BUT SHE’S HIP TO HIS ACT AND SPEEDS OFF ON HER BIANCHI. THEN SHE BUMPS INTO AN OLD BOYFRIEND, SOME SUIT WITH A FOXY ITALIAN BROAD ON HIS ARM. JUDY CALLS HIM A HEEL AND KEEPS ON PUSHING. SHE DELIVERS SOME SHIT TO SOME ECCENTRIC IDIOTS, INCLUDING A DRUGGED-OUT TALENT AGENT (ANTHONY HOLLAND, ALL THAT JAZZ) AND GAGGLE OF SUFFRAGETTES WHO’VE BEEN CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN IN A GREENWICH VILLAGE APARTMENT SINCE 1917. JUDY TAKES A BREAK AND GOES HOME. HER PAD HAS SOME FABULOUS TOKENS OF SEVENTIES SINGLE GIRL CHIC, INCLUDING HANGING HOUSE PLANTS, CINDER BLOCK BOOK SHELVES AND FRAMED PICTURES OF JANE AUSTIN. SHE RECEIVES A VISIT FROM HER NEIGHBOR, BYRON (JOHN HEARD), WHO’S JAZZED ON SOME GIRL HE JUST MET. JUDY AND BYRON ARE PLATONIC FRIENDS BECAUSE JUDY, WE’RE LEARNING, IS KIND OF A DYKE; NOT SO MUCH IN THE SEXUAL SENSE, BUT IN THE CULTURAL ONE. SHE’S TOTALLY FINE BEING ONE OF THE GUYS UNTIL THE RIGHT ONE COMES ALONG.

THE SUMMER I EXCAVATED RUSH IT FROM THE TOMB-LIKE STACKS AT EDDIE BRANDT’S, I WAS OBSESSED WITH THE ACTOR JOHN HEARD’S EARLY CAREER. IT STARTED WHEN I SAW HIM IN CHILLY SCENES OF WINTER, THEN GREW WITH BETWEEN THE LINES AND CUTTER’S WAY, THEN CONTINUED ON THROUGH A SLEW OF EXEMPLARY ROLES IN NOT-SO-GREAT FLICKS LIKE FIRST LOVE, ON THE YARD, BEST REVENGE, HEART BEAT, AND CAT PEOPLE. DUDE HAD CHOPS, CHARM AND AN IRRESISTIBLY SELF-EFFACING WIT. BY THE TIME HE WAS CAST AS JACK KEROUAC IN HEART BEAT, STARRING OPPOSITE NICK NOLTE AND SISSY SPACEK, HEARD WAS WELL ON HIS WAY TO BECOMING A LEADING MAN. BUT I SUSPECT HE NEVER FELT COMFORTABLE WITH THE  HOLLYWOOD MACHINE, HAVING COME OUT OF THE LESS BULLSHIT-Y WORLD OF NEW YORK THEATER. IN THE EARLY EIGHTIES, HEARD ATE AND DRANK HIMSELF OUT OF THE RUNNING. THANKS TO THIS SELF-SABOTAGE, TODAY HEARD IS BEST KNOWN TO THE IDIOTS WHO COMPRISE 99% OF THE MOVIE-GOING PUBLIC FOR PLAYING MACAULEY CULKIN’S DAD IN THE HOME ALONE FLICKS.

BYRON INVITES JUDY TO SOME GET-TOGETHER AT HIS GIRLFRIEND’S PAD. MERRILL (JILL EIKENBERRY) IS A SECRETARY, ER, ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT WHO’S REAL HUNG UP ON THAT POST-ROTHKO ABSTRACT SHIT AND ITS MARK ON THE THEN-EMERGING BOURGEOIS HOBBY KNOWN AS DECORATING. FROM THIS INTRODUCTION ONWARD, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BYRON SEES IN MERRILL. HE SHOULD REALLY JUST GO FOR JUDY, WHO WEARS OVERALLS TO PARTIES AND IS CLEARLY A GAS. 

JUDY MEETS A CHARMING 28-YEAR-OLD JEW NAMED MARK, WHO’S, OF ALL THINGS, A DENTIST. WOW! EDGY! SO THIS GUY STARTS PULLING A LOT OF NUMBERS WITH JUDY, AND SHE’S KINDA DIGGIN’ IT. THEY MINGLE AND GET COZY. THE COMBINATION OF GOD’S EYE AND CARLO ROSSI IN THE ABOVE FRAME IS FABULOUS. 

MARK’S “BLEEPER” GOES OFF, AN EMERGENCY BACK AT THE OFFICE, AND HE LEAVES JUDY WITH A SEMI.

THEN MERRILL MENTIONS TO JUDY THAT MARK IS MARRIED. JUDY’S LOOKING GOOOOOOD IN THOSE OVERALLS, AIN’T SEE? I WONDER IF LENA DUNHAM EVER SAW THIS MOVIE.

THE NEXT MORNING, BYRON COMES OVER TO GET A RECAP OF JUDY’S EVENING. THE USZH, SHE’S STILL 25 AND SINGLE.

THIS IS WHAT A DOOR IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. IF YOU’RE UNDER 30 AND THE DOORWAY OF YOUR BIG CITY APARTMENT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE THIS, YOU’RE WASTING YOUR PARENT’S MONEY. THIS BARE BONES ASSEMBLAGE IS ALL YOU NEED TO PARTY LIKE A TRUE BELIEVER: OLD TERMITE-INFESTED WOOD PAINTED A MILLION TIMES OVER, QUESTIONABLY SECURE, DIRTY AND DELIGHTFUL. MY OLD SPOT LOOKED LIKE THIS. THEN I MOVED. NOW, FOR A MERE $1,000 MORE A MONTH,  I GOT ONE OF THEM NEW CHINESE JOBS MADE OUT OF RECYCLED AMERICAN REFUSE AND PARTICLE BOARD, PLASTIC WINDOW SLATS FROM HOME DEPOT (ALSO MADE IN CHINA!), THE WHOLE PATHETIC PACKAGE.

BYRON’S NEW GIRL STARTS GETTING UPPITY ABOUT BYRON’S ASSOCIATION WITH JUDY. JUST WHAT TYPE OF PERSON CHOOSES TO BECOME A BIKE MESSENGER, PRAY TELL? BYRON REVEALS JUDY HAS HER MASTER’S DEGREE, SHE’S JUST DOING THE BIKE GIG COS HER DEGREE IS TOTALLY WORTHLESS AND IT’S FUN RIDING A BIKE IN A CITY YOU CAN SMILE AT COS YOU REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT ALL MEN ARE RAPISTS, DESPITE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM AND SECOND WAVE FEMINISM STATING OTHERWISE. 

BACK AT THE BIKE SHOP, THESE TWO JOES PRACTICE THEIR HIGH NOTES FOR SOME FUTURE “CATS” AUDITION.

JUDY SPOTS BUZZY LINHART BUSKING. ALRIGHT! BUZZY KNOWS WHERE IT’S AT.

BERENGER FINALLY GETS THE BEST OF JUDY. HE WRITES HIS NUMBER ON HER BACK AND TELLS HER TO CALL HIM. THAT NIGHT, SHE HAS TO READ IT IN A MIRROR AND INVERT THE DIGITS. TWICE SHE CALLS THE WRONG NUMBER, FIRST IT’S SOME PEPE PERSON AND THEN A PHILIPINO WITH CATFISH WHISKERS. SO JUDY AND BERENGER GO OUT AND BALL. PRETTY SOON, THEY’RE AN ITEM.

BERENGER SHOWS JUDY HIS WORK. HE’S INTERRUPTED BY THE TELEPHONE. IT’S TOM’S OF FINLAND CALLING, ASKING WHERE THE SAILOR’S CAP WENT.

BERENGER TELLS JUDY A BUNCH OF SHIT ABOUT WHAT A SHITTY, SELF-ABSORBED PERSON HE IS -- JUST A SLAVE TO THE MUSE, MAN. BUT HE’S A STALLION, SO JUDY DIGS HIS FEARLESS HONESTY AND ACCEPTS BERENGER IN SPITE OF HIS MANY SHORTCOMINGS.

BERENGER ALSO TELLS JUDY HE’S BROKE AND MIGHT BE MOVING TO PENNSYLVANIA TO LIVE ON A FARM WITH AN AMISH COUPLE HE MET AT NIAGARA FALLS. THAT IS, UNLESS JUDY WILL LET HIM MOVE HIS ART STUDIO INTO HER APARTMENT.

MORE SUPERFLUOUS BERENGER PORN.

JUDY BUMPS INTO BYRON OUTSIDE THEIR BUILDING. HE’S WEARING A SUIT, WHICH INDICATES HE HAS A REAL JOB, PROBABLY IN AN OFFICE WHERE THE EXECS WITH THE GRAYING SIDEBURNS DRINK ALL DAY AND GRAB-ASS WITH THE LITTLE CHIQUITAS IN THE TYPING POOL.

BACK AT HER PLACE, JUDY RAPS TO BYRON ABOUT HER NEW STUD AND HOW TO KEEP HIM. BYRON SUGGESTS A FAKE PREGNANCY.

THEN, APROPOS OF NOTHING,  BYRON DOES A REALLY BAD BRANDO IMPRESSION. THIS IS IN NO WAY INDICATIVE OF JOHN HEARD’S TALENT AS AN ACTOR.

BERENGER COMES OVER AND STARTS MOVING JUDY’S STUFF AROUND.  JUDY DIGS BERENGER’S TAKE-CHARGE ATTITUDE. 

BYRON AND MERRILL HELP MOVE THE REST OF BERENGER’S SHIT OVER. JUDY, MEANWHILE, IS GROWING WARY OF BERENGER’S OPPORTUNISM.

THE NEXT EVENING, BYRON AND MERRILL INVITE JUDY AND BERENGER OVER FOR SUPPER. BERENGER WEARS SOME GONDOLIER’S SHIRT WITH A FUCKING POCKET ON THE ARM FOR HIS SMOKES. AFTER SOME WINE, MERRILL STARTS HITTING ON BERENGER. SHE ASKS HIM IF HE’LL DIG HER PAINTINGS AND LET HER KNOW WHAT HE THINKS. THEY REALLY SUCK. NO ONE SAYS THAT, BUT OF COURSE THEY DO. THEN MERRILL ASKS BERENGER IF HE GIVES PRIVATE LESSONS.

BACK AT WORK, JUDY DELIVERS SOME FILM TO A CASTING AGENCY. THE MANIAC WHO RUNS THE PLACE FLIRTS WITH JUDY. I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS SCENE IS IN THE MOVIE, EXCEPT TO FLESH OUT ITS ALREADY TOO-SHORT RUNNING TIME.

AT HEADQUARTERS, JUDY JOKES AROUND WITH THE HORNY DISPATCHER, WHO SAYS HE WON’T ASK HER OUT ANYMORE SINCE HE KNOWS JUDY’S BERENGER’S OLD LADY. 

WE GET TO SEE BERENGER RUSH IT A BIT, TOO. HE DELIVERS A PACKAGE TO SOME OFFICE, WHERE AN OLDER, STILL-FOXY SECRETARY REPEATEDLY ASKS HIM WHAT SHE CAN DO FOR HIM. ALL HE NEEDS IS HER SIGNATURE, BUT HE ASKS HER OUT FOR AN EGG McMUFFIN. GUESS WHO’S BUYING?

THEN BERENGER CRASHES SOME ART OPENING, APPROACHING THE OWNER OF THE GALLERY WITH HIS SLIDES IN TOW LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE. THE OWNER TELLS BERENGER HE’LL HAVE TO SPEAK TO HIS WIFE (CHRISTINA PICKLES, THE WEDDING SINGER), WHO, IN FACT, RUNS THE GALLERY.

WHEN THE GALLERY GASH FEASTS HER EYES ON BERENGER, SHE QUICKLY STARTS ASKING ABOUT HIS WORK AND ITS DIMENSIONS.

WHEN SHE’S SATISFIED, THEY MAKE A DATE FOR A STUDIO VISIT.

BERENGER RETURNS TO JUDY’S PAD ELATED WITH THE GOOD NEWS. JUDY’S HAPPY FOR HIM, BUT ALSO KIND OF BUMMED THAT HE DIDN’T TAKE HER TO THE OPENING.

JUDY AND BYRON HAVE A CHAT ON THE WAY TO THE LAUNDROMAT. BYRON REVEALS THAT HE’S PLANNING TO BREAK UP WITH MERRILL.

WHILE JUDY’S OUT DOING HER OLD MAN’S WHITES, SAID OLD MAN SLAVES AWAY IN THE STUDIO THAT USED TO BE JUDY’S APARTMENT. DIG BOWIE’S PINUPS IN THE THE BACKGROUND!

BERENGER RECEIVES AN UNEXPECTED VISIT FROM MERRILL, WHO’S BEEN SUNBATHING ON THE ROOF. SHE ASKS BERENGER IF SHE CAN WATCH HIM PAINT. HE TELLS HER TO COME BACK WHEN IT’S A BETTER TIME TO PARTY, HE’S ON A DEADLINE. 

JUDY AND BERENGER GRAB SOME MALTS AND PARK IT ON THE CURB. THE LIGHT’S REAL NICE AND THE WIND’S BLOWING SOFTLY, MAKING THE SCENE PLAY MORE NATURAL THAN THE OTHERS. IF I WAS ONE OF THESE TWO PEOPLE, I’D CHOOSE THIS SCENE FOR MY ACTING REEL.

WHEN JUDY TELLS BERENGER THAT BYRON’S CUTTING MERRILL LOOSE, HE ISN’T SUPRISED. HE TELLS JUDY HE’LL NEVER LET SOME CHICK COME BETWEEN HIM AND HIS PAINTING.

“Don’t EVER buy me a strawberry shake again. I said VANILLA.”

BERENGER PICKS A CONVENIENT TIME FOR THE GALLERY GASH TO STOP BY -- i.e. WHEN JUDY AIN’T AROUND. SHE DIGS BERENGER’S WORK AND BEGS FOR A CLOSER LOOK.

JUDY AND HER GIRLFRIEND FROM THE MESSENGER OFFICE (HARRIETT HALL) GET TOGETHER IN THE PARK TO RAP ABOUT BOYS AND WHAT HEELS THEY ARE.

WHEN JUDY GETS HOME, SHE FINDS BYRON MOROSE AND CARRYING A BOX OF MERRILL’S SHIT TO DELIVER BACK TO HER. BYRON ASKS JUDY IF SHE’LL COME WITH HIM.

WHEN THEY GET TO MERRILL’S, BYRON TELLS JUDY HER COMING WITH HIM WAS JUST A PLOY TO GET HER TO ACTUALLY DELIVER THE SHIT HERSELF SO BYRON WON’T HAVE TO SUFFER THE AGONY OF SEEING MERRILL’S STUPID FACE ONE MORE TIME. JUDY, EVER THE GOOD SPORT, OBLIGES HIM.

“Oh... it’s you. Where’s Byron? OH. Okay. Well, can you tell him he still owes me $4.37 for his portion of the Con Ed bill from July? Thanks!”

AS JUDY AND BYRON RETURN TO THEIR BUILDING, THE GALLERY GASH IS JUST LEAVING.

B-B-BUSTED! WHEN JUDY ENTERS THE PAD, BERENGER’S IN THE PROCESS OF CHANGING HIS SHIRT TO ONE NOT SOAKED IN SWEAT AND SCENTED VAGINAL OILS. HE TELLS JUDY HE GOT THE SHOW. SUDDENLY, WITH THE HELP OF A SHORT FLASHBACK, JUDY KNOWS THE SCORE.

AFTER A LONG, CATHARTIC RIDE AROUND THE CITY, JUDY VISITS THE GALLERY WHERE BERENGER’S GONNA HAVE HIS SHOW. THE PAINTINGS IN THE BACKGROUND REMINDS ME A LOT OF THE KIND OF WORK ALAN BATES’ CHARACTER MADE IN AN UNMARRIED WOMAN, OR THAT ARTIST JEREMY BLAKE WHO ESSENTIALLY MADE THE SAME KIND OF SHIT IN THE EARLY 2000s, ALBEIT DIGITALLY, BEFORE HIS TRAGIC DOUBLE-SUICIDE WITH HIS CRAZY WIFE AFTER THEY DID TOO MUCH COCAINE AND CONVINCED THEMSELVES THEY WERE BEING HUNTED BY THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY. IF THIS REVIEW HAS TAUGHT YOU ANYTHING, IT’S THAT I KNOW FAR TOO MUCH BULLSHIT ABOUT CONTEMPORARY ART AND NOT ENOUGH ABOUT MAKING LOVE. ANYWAY, JUDY WINS.

SHE GOES FOR ONE LAST DELIVERY. ONCE AGAIN, BUZZY LINHART’S MUSIC COMES ALONG FOR THE RIDE.

FINALLY, BYRON TELLS JUDY HE’S FOUND THE PERFECT GUY FOR HER: IT’S BYRON!!! WELL, ALRIGHT! JUDY LAUGHS. HARD. THE END.