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summahsunlight · 4 years

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Worth the Risk, Part 12

Rating: Mature(18+only)

Word Count: 1707

Pairing: Army Pilot!Poe Dameron x Nurse!Reader (1940s AU)

Summary: It’s the 1940s, Army pilot and Captain Poe Dameron is flying on missions for the United States Army in Europe. After being shot down off the coast of France, Poe wakes up in an Army hospital in England, to find you, a nurse, taking care of him. Throughout the process of his recovery, Poe finds himself falling for you, and even though you, for the most part, maintain a professional relationship with him–you’re falling for him as well. Both of you know the risks of falling in love during a war, but then again, both of you have never cared much for being cautious.

Warnings: Angst, Holocaust imagery (not graphic)

Start from the beginning!

Taglist: @fanfic-addict-98, @thescarletknight2014, @blushingwueen, @americasassromanoff, @ginger-swag-rapunzel, @spider-starry, @totelpoedameron, @captain-america5, @liadamerondjarin, @m1rkw00dpr1ncess, @paintballkid711, @justanotherblonde23, @castiel-barnes, @itspdameronthings

Hello readers, I am so sorry that this part took this long. I hope you enjoy reading it! Remember the taglist is open, just comment here or send me an ask/message if you would like to be added!🥰 As I mentioned in the warnings there is some mention of the Holocaust, however it is not graphic imagery but I wanted to warn readers.

August, 1944

It was quiet now. Earlier that day the streets of Paris had been lined with citizens cheering the Allied Forces as they rode into the city. Poe had collected so many roses from the adoring crowds that he had enough to give you two dozen. You’d found a glass jar and they were now sitting on the small table besides your cot, the sweet smell permeating the air.

Currently your head was resting on Poe’s bare chest, listening to his heart beat, as well as the drunk Frenchman singing outside your window. In a few days he’d be moving out of Paris with his unit, while you would be staying behind and treating the wounded. You knew that this was coming at some point--the Army was going to station your unit in a more permanent place--and Poe would be on the move. Because of this you clung a bit more tightly to one another tonight.

“I’m gonna miss Paris.”

“Why? Because all those random girls wanted to kiss you?”

Poe chuckled and pressed his lips to your temple. “It did give a whole new meaning to French kiss.”

You playfully hit him on the shoulder and laughed. Someday, you would get to lounge in bed like this, without a care in the world--without the war right outside your window. “You’re an idiot.”

“Arana says I’m a lovable idiot.”

“True. And you’re my lovable idiot.”

His finger ghosted over your cheek, his brown eyes softening as he gazed at you with so much love in them. “Do you know for the first time since this war began I actually feel hope that we might win this? That I might actually walk away and be able to go home to the ranch and build a life with you.”

It was so easy to feel hopeful when he talked like that, you realized. Softly you played with his hair. “What’s the ranch like?”

Poe smiled, softly. “Hot.”

You returned his smile. “Hotter than the South of France in August?”

“Much hotter.”

“Can you see for miles?”

“Miles and miles of blue skies and rolling hills.”

“Are there horses?”

“Lots of horses.”

Closing your eyes you tried to imagine the ranch where Poe had grown up. You’d grown up in the city--there had been no wide open spaces or horses--other than the ones pulling carriages or police officers rode. “I always wanted my own horse when I was a little girl.”

Poe ran his fingers through your hair, heart softening at the thought of you as a child wishing for a pony.. “Do you know how to ride? I could always teach you.”

Even thought you had not been able to have a pony when you were growing up, your parents did provide you with riding lessons. “I know how to ride but it’s been a few years--I might need a refresher course.”

“Something to look forward too then.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I know the perfect spot on the ranch to ride out to.”

Placing a kiss on his shoulder, you smiled. Tomorrow morning both of you would be back in the thick of the war, but for now, it was just the two of you, dreaming about the future.

Poe wrapped you tightly into his arms and kissed your temple. He was dreading having to say good-bye to you tomorrow morning but he would at least have peace of mind knowing that you were safe in Paris while he pressed on with the Army deeper into Europe. Since taking back France there was a new sense of hope resonating with the boys--they were going to see this through to the end--they were going to win.

You fingers brushed his hair back. He’d gone back to trimming his curls since he’d left the hospital in England, but you still loved how incredibly soft his hair was. “What are you thinking about?”

A gentle smile spread across his face as he looked at you. “Just feeling incredibly hopeful.”

“Me too.”

“A year from now we’ll be on the ranch--you’ll see--it will be over, finally.”

--------

September, 1944

It wasn’t often in the last few weeks that you got to leave Paris. There was still heavy concern about Nazi troops inciting guerrilla warfare in the forests and along the country roads that led to towns and villages outside of the city. You had already been injured thanks to one sniper before--you didn’t want to go through that experience again.

However, a few volunteers had been asked to assist with the medical needs of some prisoners that had recently been freed from a Nazi camp.

There was far less destruction out here in the countryside, although there was still evidence of war, of the Allies heavy bombing runs. Poe couldn’t talk about those, at least not with you and you weren’t sure if it was because he was sworn to secrecy or if the very idea that he could kill innocent people rendered him speechless. You surmised it was both.

His letters that last few weeks had been short, upbeat; he would let her know if Arana was fine--still a pain in my ass, but I love him--Poe had written.

“Lieutenant,” the driver said, pulling your attention away from daydreaming. “Did the Army give you any forewarning about what you’re going to see?”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head, suddenly feeling a pit forming in your stomach. “Is it that bad?”

“Treated them worse than animals,” the driver mumbled as pulled down a long, narrow drive that led to a stone farmhouse. “And they’re not soldiers ma’am--civilians, French civilians. The French Red Cross has been caring for them, but with the war still going on, it’s overwhelming. They asked for some help.”

Something inside of you sparked, the conversations you’d heard your father have with other men in the neighborhood when he thought you were not within earshot. What had you agreed to expose your nurses too? Already they had seen so much--too much.

The jeep came to a stop in front of the farmhouse. You glanced at it for a moment, a picture of the French countryside at the onset, but you knew inside.... it was a much different story. Stealing yourself, you took a deep breath and got out of the jeep. With your medical bag in hand, you headed inside to find the doctor in charge.

It was eerily quiet. Beds lined walls with far too thin men, women, and children. A French nurse handed you a mask, told you to put it on because they were dealing with an outbreak of influenza. Judging by the condition of the patients, this came as no surprise to you; they had no immune systems to combat even a cold.

Slipping the mask on you, you buried your emotions and got to work. Later, when you sat down to write a letter to Poe, you’d let them all out. But for now, you had work to do.

------

Eight hours later, you found yourself hugging a toilet bowl. In all your lifetime, you had never seen people so sick, so frail, or so thin. Not even when you and your mother had traveled to rural parts of New York to help people in need during the Depression had you seen such horrendous conditions.

The Army private that had driven you to the farmhouse had been right--these people had been treated worse than animals.

“Lieutenant?” Jess called from the other side of the door. “You okay?”

“No,” you answered, truthfully before vomiting again.

“Can I come in?”

“Enter at your own risk.”

Slowly, the. door to the bathroom opened and Jess stepped inside. She closed it behind her before speaking. “I know this probably means nothing to you--but the way you held it together today, it really helped all the girls. I don’t know how you did it.”

Wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, you answered her, honestly, “I’m not sure how I did it, either. My parents helped several families get out of Germany before the war began, they told us stories but I never...I never thought it would have been like this.”

Jess sat down next to you, pressing her back against the vanity. “I don’t think anyone could have imagined it was like this, Lieutenant. How could anyone sane imagine this?”

You had to agree. Dropping back on your feet, you glanced exhausted at your friend. She looked just as drained as you; the pair of you had spent the entire day helping treat patients and listen to the ones that could communicate with you what they had been through--ripped away from their families, losing everything they owned. None of them were sure if members of their families were even alive--they had been sent away to other countries--you had heard the word Auschwitz a few times.

“Do you think Captain Dameron is right?”

“About what?”

“The war being almost over.”

“I think he wants it to be almost over.”

“Me and him both.”

Sighing, you swallowed the sour tasting bile in your throat, wishing you could unsee the sick and dying people today. Suddenly you were feeling Poe’s absence harder than ever--you wished he was here so he could pull you into his arms and just tell you that it was going to be okay.

Jess reached for your hand and gave it a squeeze. “Maybe you should go write to him.”

You glanced at her, incredulously. “How did you know I was even thinking about him?”

“Because if the man I was gonna marry was that good looking--I’d be thinking about him all the time as well,” she said, with a big smile.

“He is pretty cute,” you said, returning her smile. And then you both started laughing. When the laughter had died down, you rested your head on Jess’ shoulder. “Thanks, Jess. I feel better.”

“Anytime, Y/N,” Jess said, softly. “You don’t have to shoulder all this alone, especially if we’re going to be here helping these poor people for a while. We’re going to need each other to lean on.”

#my writing #star wars imagine #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x reader #WW2 AU #100 followers celebration #worth the risk

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gravesdiggers · 4 years

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Courtesy of a very kind person on Twitter...

(Will add transcript later when I get a moment!)

ETA: Transcript below... (any typos mine!)

I grew up in Weston-super-Mare, and the first time I went on a plane was on a family trip to Mallorca aged ten. It took me many years to appreciate that holidays could be even more glamorous than a few days in Magaluf. Before my acting career took off I'd spend my free time hitchhiking around France with friends. On occasion it got hairy, including the times we got stuck in a lorry and rode in a van full of chickens.

Since then, acting has granted me access to many different experiences. I shot a film called The Sheltering Desert in Namibia in the early 1990s, a few months after the country gained independence, and you could still feel the simmering tension. We visited Swakopmund, on the coast, one of the few old towns that used to be part of the colony of German South West Africa. There were still people driving around with SS number plates and antique shops full of Nazi memorabilia.

Filming often means working 14 hours for six days a week, so exploring can be a luxury. But when I do get to look around I can sometimes see places through a different lens. We shot some of the TV drama Riviera in Venice, mainly at night, and when we finished at 5am it was still dark and the streets were deserted. We got to see the beauty of all the little alleyways and canals, sumptuously lit by ancient sodium streetlights. And I managed to catch a football match, too, complete with chainting away fans arriving by gondola.

I had more time off in Buenos Aires, a magnificent, slightly faded city with incredibly beautiful public buildings that sit cheek by jowl with the crushing poverty of barrios such as La Boca and Villa 31. The restaurants were sensational and music was everywhere. I was lucky enough to attend the Bomba de Tiempo, which is essentially a drumming rave in a huge courtyard.

Actors tend to hang out together after filming, and I've certainly done that in some interesting places over the years. Perhaps the most memorable occasion was on a beach in Dorset during the filming of The Madness of King George. Nigel Hawthorne (who played the lead role) and I ended up smoking there with about 20 other people and indulging in a bit of night swimming.

There was also an apparent incident at Orly airport in Paris, where I bumped into a friend who said that the last time he'd seen me I had just arrived there after a particularly big night in Mexico City and was "going round on the luggage carousel", of which I have absolutely no recollection. Thank God it was before the age of camera phones.

Mexico, where I worked on the film Silencio, was a destination I will never forget, not least because of the country's very unusual bar snacks, including salted smoked locusts and grasshoppers. They might not be everyone's cup of tea, but they were tastier than they sound.

I have five children, so family holidays tend to be a challenging experience -- at times they can be hellishly difficult. My wife is from Australia, so when the seven of us travel there it can be a logistical nightmare, but it's well worth it when we arrive. The last time we visited we had an amazing holiday at Great Keppel Island, which is on the southern fringe of the Great Barrier Reef. It was going to be a resort island and the development was built, but for some reason it never opened, so it's been reclaimed by jungle. It's odd yet eerily beautiful -- the only signs of life are a few little guesthouses in the would-be resort's shadow, There are also a couple of bewitching woodlands in the interior of the island and you can walk through a glade that comes alive with butterflies.

Japan and Ethiopia top my holiday bucket list, but for different reasons. I'm interested in Ethiopia's natural beauty and ancient history; Japan has compelling art and I'm intrigued by the country's novelists. I'm just fascinated by the two cultures.

#Rupert Graves #interview #Quotes by Rupert

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tabloidtoc · 4 years

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National Enquirer, March 15

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Tiger Woods' car crash

Page 2: Bruce Springsteen has beaten the DUI charges leveled against him after federal prosecutors couldn't find a drop of evidence he had been drinking over the legal limit -- with an acceptable blood alcohol level of 0.02 well below the 0.08 threshold at the time of his arrest in Sandy Hook, New Jersey, prosecutors backed off two of their charges for drunken and reckless driving -- the rocker did plead guilty to a third charge, admitting he had two small shots of tequila on federal parkland and for that, he was fines $500 plus $40 in court costs

Page 3: Patrick Dempsey's dreamy return to Grey's Anatomy was a big hit with fans but his well-received cameo left series star Ellen Pompeo seething with jealousy -- Ellen may have permitted Patrick to revisit his old stomping grounds in Meredith Grey's fever dreams in season 17 but she doesn't want him coming back permanently and swiping her hard-earned glory and she considers herself the anchor of the show and thought she was rid of this guy after making the show her own, but now fans are begging for him to be brought back and Ellen is furious -- it's no secret Ellen hated the first 10 years of the show when Patrick was the star and she feels the series got better after he left and she became a big-shot producer, something she'd been demanding for years -- she likes being in control and calling the shots and clearly thinks she got this deal on her merit alone but it's also because she's the star who's lasted the longest; most of the original cast had already left and bosses had to cave in to keep her -- unfortunately being in charge hasn't amounted to better ratings and show has been slipping consistently in recent years and the main reason they brought Patrick back on was to spike the ratings, which it did and now producers are considering offering Patrick a full-time gig but Ellen will do everything in her power to prevent Patrick from stealing her thunder again

Page 4: Home reno gurus Chip and Joanna Gaines are clashing over his wild spending, and she's desperate to rein him in before they land in the poorhouse -- Chip and Jo are rich on paper and worth $20 million in property and assets but they were hit hard by the pandemic like everyone else and recovery has been sluggish to say the least -- they're just getting back on their feet and under a ton of pressure to get their Magnolia network off to a running start but Chip, as usual, is casual when it comes to money and it frustrates Jo to see him buying things they don't need, like new tools and equipment when the old ones work just fine and overpaying on lumber and masonry -- Chip is always shopping and not always for the house; he's got a boot fetish and has dozens of pairs, plus he treats the crew to free cappuccino and treats from their coffeehouse several time a day and Chip wants the best of everything for himself and everyone else

* Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are ready to welcome baby number four through adoption -- the couple who are parents of daughters James and Inez and Betty hope to find their next child in South America and they've invested time and money sponsoring immigrant children and they're warming up to the idea of providing an orphaned baby or toddler with a forever home -- a 16-year-old girl they sponsored through the Young Center for Immigrant Children's Rights was deported back to Honduras and they were heartbroken, and Blake and Ryan are now determined to provide a child with a happy home and opportunities he or she wouldn't have in their native country

Page 5: Newlyweds Pamela Anderson and Dan Hayhurst are itching to start a family and are already trying for a baby of their own -- 53-year-old Pam tied the knot with the 40-year-old handyman on Christmas Eve at her Vancouver Island home and she's been telling pals they hope to have happy news soon -- Pam wants to build a whole new clan with Dan and he's on board even though they each have kids with their exes and Dan's two kids from a previous relationship are living with the couple at Pam's pad -- the couple love the idea of adopting or going the surrogate route and it's not something they want to waste any time over

Page 6: Weary Kelly Clarkson is juggling her skyrocketing career and brutal divorce battle with estranged husband Brandon Blackstock on less than six hours sleep a night and Kelly has also been pushing to sell her homes in Nashville and Encino, while running her L.A.-based talk show and recording new music -- she's been running herself ragged for months and she's feeling the burn in a big way but despite her exhaustion, she can't sleep and nothing she tries works and the most shut-eye she catches is two, three hours at a time; she lays awake in bed at night worrying and crying

* Suddenly remorseful Kanye West has spiraled into depression and despair since soon-to-be ex-wife Kim Kardashian filed for divorce -- for all their problems, Kanye realizes she was the one person who was there for him whenever he went off the deep end and now he knows he's alone and seriously doubts he can hold his life together -- without Kim and her family to keep his wild impulses in check, he may succumb to the poor judgment and wild mood swings that have marked his chronic bipolar disorder as they were the ones who reminded him to take his meds and steer clear of recreational drugs and now all he has is a circle of yes-men he doesn't listen to anyway -- since the split, Kanye has shuttled between his ranch in Cody, Wyoming and a hotel in L.A. near the sprawling mansion he once shared with Kim and he's been blowing up her phone to beg forgiveness, but she won't take his calls and it's driving him off the deep end again

Page 7: Kourtney Kardashian is fed up with Shanna Moakler's online barbs and is plotting her revenge against the ex-wife of her new squeeze -- since Kourtney and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker went public with their romance last month, former pageant queen Shanna has been throwing social media shade and Kourtney's tired of taking Shanna's crap and she's going to fire back soon and Kourtney's using her wide network of contacts in Hollywood to bad-mouth Shanna and she's placing calls to casting directors and perspective suitors to put as many potholes in her love rival's path as possible and she plans to make Shanna regret messing with her

Page 8: Nearly two years after Johnny Depp was forced to exit Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean franchise following ex-wife Amber Heard's allegations of abuse, the company has kicked him while he's down by considering her for a plum part -- Johnny is fuming over news that Amber is reportedly in contention to play fairy-tale heroine Rapunzel in the studio's upcoming live-action remake of Tangled -- for Amber to be in the running for a Disney pic is the ultimate insult to him especially because he believes the company made millions of dollars off his name

Page 9: Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle had a whopping $500 million motive to betray Queen Elizabeth -- outraged at being cut loose by the British royals, the couple retaliated by secretly negotiating backroom Hollywood megadeals and going public on TV -- Harry and Meghan see themselves as victims of an out-of-touch monarchy and want revenge and selling out Harry's family is the way to get it and cash in big-time; Meghan's convinced they'll have deals totaling $500 million by the end of the year but they better act fast because Hollywood is a fickle town where even royalty can be chewed up and spat out

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Amelia Hamlin stuck to the shore while pink-haired beau Scott Disick made waves in Miami, Steve Martin nibbled on a pretzel while filming Only Murders in the Building in NYC, Floyd Mayweather turned 44 and celebrated with a birthday bash in Miami, Bachelorette reject Tyler Cameron showed off his toned tummy in Florida

Page 11: Drew Barrymore feels deeply for dad-controlled Britney Spears because she's been there: she said her mom locked her away in a loony bin for over a year when she was just 13 -- Drew said it's hard to grow up in front of people and she empathizes with Britney and Paris Hilton and any star who can't escape the glare of celebrity -- Drew's mom put her in a place that was a full psychiatric ward and says she used to laugh at those Malibu 30-day places because she was in a place for a year and a half called Van Nuys Psychiatric and you couldn't mess around there and if you did, you would either get thrown in the padded room or put in stretcher restraints and tied up

* Eddie Murphy famously bragged he has never changed a diaper in his life despite having so many kids and now he's set on having another baby with fiancee Paige Butcher and this will make baby No. 11 for Eddie -- he says his genes are incredible as ever, so why stop; he's super fit and Paige is in amazing shape at age 41 and wants at least one more baby so they're going to go for it and are already trying

Page 12: Straight Shuter gossip column -- CNN could blitz news veteran Wolf Blitzer as the network revamps its lineup and TV is a young person's game and no one knows that better than Wolf and after 31 years at CNN, he sees new faces getting promoted and knows his days are numbered and Jim Acosta and Poppy Harlow are the future of CNN, not Wolf -- although Wolf's airtime has been cut as Jake Tapper's role expands, he isn't bitter or angry but instead he's grateful for an amazing run

* Love It or List It star Hilary Farr is moving on to her own show and leaving partner David Visentin in the dust -- Hilary's new show is basically the same one she and David have been doing for years, with him edited out and David was blindsided by the news and he knows HGTV has sent out a casting notice for the new show and he's hurt and angry especially because Love It or List It hasn't been renewed yet

* Sacked Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron has reached out to Chris Harrison after he stepped away from The Bachelor amid a racist scandal -- Tom wasn't fired over a scandal, but he knows exactly what Chris is going through because both of them thought they had a job for life, but nothing lasts forever -- Tom is a good guy and wants Chris to know he's around if Chris needs anything

* Tom Felton, who played Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films, spruced up for the camera (picture)

Page 13: Brooke Shields isn't letting a busted leg keep her down but she's taking her recovery one step at a time -- she shared an Instagram video showing her cautiously hobbling on crutches and explained she broker her femur and she was beginning to mend -- she didn't reveal what caused the unlucky break

* Outspoken actress Rose McGowan is living a charmed life in Mexico and the Harvey Weinstein accuser has headed south of the border and vows never to return to the United States -- she got her permanent residency card from Mexico and is grateful to have it and says it's a really healing land and it is truly magical -- she moved at the dawn of the COVID-19 pandemic because she knew it was going to get really bad in America and she had a moment to figure out where she wanted to be

* Picky perfectionist Blake Shelton listens to around 300 songs to choose what to record for each of his albums, according to his longtime producer -- music pro Scott Hendricks said he wades through nearly 3000 tracks by professional songwriters to select tunes for Blake to consider and then Blake methodically whittles down the nominees until he's certain which songs he wants to record but Scott admitted that process is more difficult for him culling the 300 from the 3000 -- Scott, who has worked with Blake for most of his career, said of their close professional relationship that the chemistry works and they have recorded several hundred or more songs together and they are getting ready to go do some more

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Killer kingpin Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman's busted beauty queen bride will be marked for death behind bars -- if Emma Coronel Aispuro snitches to the feds about the bloodthirsty Mexican Sinaloa drug cartel long run by her caged husband, she'll put a big fat bulls-eye on her back -- according to a federal complaint, Coronel was intimately involved in her husband's multibillion-dollar drug-running racket and acted as his criminal agent while he was on the lam and the mother of El Chapo's two young daughters helped mastermind her spouse's daring 2015 tunnel escape from a Mexican prison and also paid him $100,000 for another failed bust-out a year later -- they are going to put the heat on her to spill more details on other top operatives in the cartel and take them down, too, but if she spills, it will be open season on her on the inside

Page 16: Dr. Dre appears to rap about estranged wife Nicole Young in a song filled with angry, explicit lyrics calling someone in his life a greedy bitch -- DJ Silk previewed part of a new track from Dre full of digs presumably at Nicole, with whom he has been locked in a nasty divorce -- his lyrics include: Trying to kill me with them lies and that perjury/ I see you trying to f--k me while I'm in surgery / In ICU death bed on some money s--t / Greedy bitch take a pic / Girl you know how money get

* Hollywood Hookups -- Lorenzo Lamas is set to wed for the sixth time to model Kenna Scott, Justin Hartley and Chrishell Stause are officially divorced, Adam Rippon is engaged to Jussi-Pekka Kajaala

Page 17: Former Home Improvement kid Zachery Ty Bryan has pleaded guilty to two felony counts of domestic violence -- Zachery, now 39, has been sentenced to three years of probation and will also have to take part in a batterer intervention program

* John Mayer has dated a succession of famous singers including Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and Halsey and he hopes they write chart-topping songs about him and admitted he'd be jazzed if his exes enshrined him in song, saying sometimes a song is so good he hopes it's about him and he even scours their lyrics for clues -- Taylor already has several tracks that have been linked to John including Dear John

* Ruthless chef Gordon Ramsay said he's cooked up his own plan to keep his kids humble -- he has five kids with wife Tana: Megan, twins Holly and Jack, Tilly and Oscar but said he plans to leave most of his reported $200 million fortune to charity -- Gordon explained his kids must tidy up after dinners, can only fly coach and are expected to learn how to cook for themselves and he's forbidden them from taking costly taxis and the foulmouthed foodie insisted they don't swear

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Roseanne Barr was blindsided by a humiliating new scandal after risque photos from the early '90s recently emerged which appear to show her teenage daughters licking her boobs -- Roseanne posed for the shots with her two youngest girls at a Glamour Shots studio in Iowa more than 25 years ago and the photographer who claimed he snapped the fake lesbian lovefest but did not want to be named dished Roseanne and daughters Jessica and Jennifer who are now in their mid-40s happily hammed it up for the camera but decades later Roseanne and her daughters are all mortified and embarrassed by these pics; they were horsing around years ago and never thought they'd see the light of day

Page 20: Cover Story -- Still recovering from agonizing back surgery, Tiger Woods was pushing himself to the limit when he flew off a California cliff into a career-crushing car accident -- lawmen said the golf legend was lucky to be alive after the horrific wreck that shattered his right leg -- the accident only added to Tiger's physical problems; his movement has been restricted since a fifth back operation in December and he was unable to play golf despite an appearance at a local tournament the weekend before the bloody wreck -- at a press conference days before cheating death, Tiger admitted he was worried about his physical condition and his ability to play again, saying a lot of it is based on his surgeons and doctors and therapist and making sure he does it correctly and he doesn't have a lot of wiggle room left -- Tiger could barely move, and it seemed to get him down and his back rehab has been brutal and he was hobbling around and distraught but he refused to give into his condition and his tough-as-nails mindset could have contributed to the crash: when a person is overwhelmed by physical pain, that dominates everything they do and if you're behind the wheel of a car and in physical pain, it can distract you and likely lead to this kind of disaster -- Tiger was eager to get to a TV taping on the morning disaster struck and he seemed impatient when he left the Terranea Resort in Rancho Palos Verdes, an L.A. suburb, just after 7 a.m. and although traffic cameras show he was driving within the speed limit, his Genesis GV80 SUV crossed the center median onto the opposite side of the road and flipped -- authorities said Tiger appeared lucid to first responders and there were no signs the recovering addict was under the influence of alcohol or drugs and they did not request a blood test when Tiger was rushed to the hospital from the crash site and the incident was an accident -- Tiger was taken to nearby Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, where doctors said his broken bones protruded through his right leg and they put a rod in his leg and used screws and pins to stabilize the break and his ankle -- it will take three to four months to heal and then eight months of physical therapy and it is unlikely he will ever run again and he may have a limp and in terms of golf, just walking for extended periods of time will be a big deal and recovery will be agonizing; it's a very real possibility that Tiger's taken his final swing

Page 21: Addiction experts warned Tiger Woods' recovery will test his sobriety after his stint in rehab for prescription painkiller use and it is very, very common for a patient in recovery to relapse after a trauma like the one suffered by Tiger and exposure to painkillers administered directly or prescribed after a physical trauma is highly likely to trigger a relapse -- Tiger will probably need painkillers to get through this, but he'll also need to be connected with like-minded people to keep him away from his old thinking that pills are the solution to his problems

Page 22: Desperate Ghislaine Maxwell has offered to renounce her British and French citizenships in a new bid to get out of jail -- the disgraced socialite's last two stabs at freedom including one package offering $22.5 million as bond money were rejected by a judge who deemed her a flight risk -- now according to her lawyers, Ghislaine will formally commence the procedure to renounce her foreign citizenship to satisfy any concerns the court may have that she may try to seek a safe haven in France or the U.K. -- Justice Department officials were concerned Ghislaine would flee to France, where she was born, since the country has no extradition treaty with the U.S.

* Woody Allen claimed his own words are being used to attack him in the bombshell Allen v. Farrow documentary -- Woody has repeatedly denied adopted daughter Dylan Farrow's claims he sexually abused her when she was seven at her mom Mia Farrow's home -- Woody blasted the documentary which rehashes the claims as a shoddy hit piece and a hatched job riddled with falsehoods adding the filmmakers stole from his autobiography

Page 26: Twice-divorced Ricki Lake's engagement to California attorney Ross Burningham has insiders fearing she may suffer yet another heartbreak -- she announced her happy news on Instagram but Ricki has seen far more than her share of bad luck in the romance department and everyone is praying this final shot at love doesn't end in despair and it's never Ricki's fault, but she's never found a man who could keep her happy

Page 28: A lurid landscape of drug-fueled orgies, suicidal thoughts and fake sexual enthusiasm will play out in a new television series based on model and reality star Holly Madison's X-rated confessions from her shocking 2015 biography Down the Bunny Hole -- Madison first exposed the sleazy details of how she and other young women were plied with drugs and coerced to participate in sex parties with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner in exchange for acting as his girlfriends and getting to live inside the iconic L.A. mansion along with a weekly $1000 stipend -- the limited series will star actress Samara Weaving as Holly, who was a member of Hef's harem between 2001 and 2008 -- Holly, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt became the notorious stars of the reality show The Girls Next Door which debuted in 2005 and focused on their seemingly glamorous life with Hef but glossed over the dark secrets behind the scenes -- in her bombshell confessions, Holly revealed the 22-bedroom manor was actually a foul pigsty filled with stained mattresses where Hef's live-in ladies were forced to perform weird bedroom rituals and look excited by it

Page 29: Jack Osbourne has listed his sprawling California home for rent at $16,500 a month -- the 35-year-old son of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne is offering the five-bedroom, 5600-square-foot home in Studio City unfurnished -- Sharon was recently seen outside the home with moving vans helping Jack prep the property -- Jack, who suffers from multiple sclerosis, bought the home in 2014 when he was married to Lisa Stelly; the couple divorced in 2018 and share three children: Andy, Pearl and Minnie

* Heidi Klum has snipped all threads tying her to dad Gunther Klum after the cosmetics and modeling honcho skipped her wedding -- Heidi dumped her manager dad after he snubbed her August 2019 ceremony in Capri with guitarist Tom Kaulitz of the band Tokio Hotel and she has also ended her German enterprise Heidi Klum GmbH, originally overseen by Gunther -- Heidi and her dad had a falling out over Tom and Gunther never really approved of him and was dead set against the marriage and it drove a wedge in their relationship

Page 32: Health Watch

* Ask the Vet -- an African Gray Parrot with a feather-picking problem

Page 34: Barack Obama broke a buddy's nose over a racist remark -- he revealed the two classmates were playing basketball when his friend hurled a racial slur and he popped him in the face and broke his nose, Obama told Bruce Springsteen on their podcast Renegades: Born in the USA -- Obama said he doesn't think his pal even knew what the word meant, just that it was meant to be hurtful

* Country singer Keith Urban has shrunk to 140 pounds as the former addict is hooked on a bizarre diet of nuts and berries and even worse, the five-foot-ten crooner appears to be growing thinner and friends are worried the stress of his demanding career and his desperate desire to be a good husband to Nicole Kidman may push him over the edge -- no one sees him eating much more than handfuls of raw almonds or sunflower seeds and berries washed down with gallons of water -- though he's been sober since 2006, pals fear the struggle to avoid giving in to temptation as well as hearing Nicole purportedly mended fences with ex-hubby Tom Cruise may be weighing on the star -- despite his bony appearance, Keith thinks he looks great

Page 40: Evil ISIS terrorists are using the COVID-19 pandemic as cover while they rebuild their network and mastermind new attacks and both Iraq and the U.S. are in their crosshairs -- because the West has been focused on dealing with the pandemic, ISIS and new groups sprung from their shattered forces have been reloading and plotting revenge, according to Ryan Mauro of the terrorist-monitoring Clarion Intelligence Network -- the pandemic has brought decreased confidence in Western governments, which has emboldened the terrorists to launch sleeper cell attacks on foreign soil

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Anya Taylor-Joy

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feminist-propaganda · 4 years

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Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of Queen’s Gambit - Episode 6

“Men are gonna come along and wanna teach you things” predicts Alice at the beginning of Episode 6. “Doesn’t make them any smarter” she continues. “In most ways, they’re not. But it makes them feel bigger. They can show you how things are done. You just let them blow by and you go on ahead and do what the hell you feel like”.

Little Beth listens carefully.

“It takes a strong woman to stay by herself in a world where people will settle for anything just to say they have something.”

As she finishes her sentence, the camera zooms out and we see her finishing the embroidery of Beth’s name onto the dress. Beth smiles, and her mother says “There we are”. She’s almost finished her project.

Episode 6 : Learn From Straight White Men

To survive under capitalism, it is necessary to learn from those who created it, ie Straight White men. Many feminists might want to avoid capitalism all together, and avoid the mentorship of White men, which they don’t find useful. But Beth’s mother understands that to truly extract oneself from the oppresive system she is in, Beth first needs to navigate that system.

In the first part of the episode, we see Beth ride with Benny to New York. He seems good for her. He doesn’t let her drink. He improves her chess. He introduces her to his friends.

A bunch of people don’t know this, but New York’s original name was New Amsterdam and it was founded by the Dutch.

The city, like Mexico, is symbolically chosen in the mini-series, as it is the epicenter of modern day capitalistic activities.

The Netherlands was a poor nation swamp up until the 1600s, when the Dutch figured out that they could trade goods, ensure the boats that transported the goods they traded and then eventually created the stock market. To this day, Amsterdam remains the international capital of financial technology. Every year, hundreds of higly skills migrants from countries like India, Turkey, China or Greece come to Amsterdam to develop faster robots to trade at higher rates for trust funds and billionaires.

Trading changed the Netherlands forever. It launched what some history books still call the “Golden age” which is now being deconstructed as a racist era, where the Dutch played a key role in organizing the trans-atlantic slave trade.

Even though modern day Dutch society likes to downplay the role the Netherlands played in the slave trade, it is proven that the Netherlands became immensely rich thanks to the slave trade. They were experts in importing the coffee and sugar that was grown by the slaves and trading it inside of Europe.

New York, is the projection of the Dutch dream in the West. It is the home of Wall Street, where we find the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) as well as the National Association of Securities Dealers Automated Quotations (NASDAQ), which is the same as the stock exchange only this time we let the robots to the high frequency automatic trading for us (yup).

In 1904-1905, right when Einstein was discovering the photoelectric effect in Germany, a man called Max Weber coined the phrase “the protestant work ethic”.

According to the theory of the “The protestant work ethic”, it is believed that there is something in protestant culture that encourages protestant communities to work very hard. As a result, a great deal of “ excess” is produced, and these goods can then be traded. According to this theory, the inventors of capitalism were just very hard working people, who accidentally made too much of something, and started selling it in a very organized way (the stock market). Then they became rich.

Martin Luther King disagrees:

“We have deluded ourselves into believing the myth that capitalism grew and prospered out of the Protestant ethic of hard work and sacrifice. The fact is that capitalism was built on the exploitation and suffering of black slaves and continues to thrive on the exploitation of the poor — both black and white, here and abroad.”

As the car pulls up in Benny’s street, and looking at these ever so simple Brownstone houses, I am reminded of the myths that protestants like to perpetuate about themselves. “We work so hard!” “We’re such simple people” “We eat stew” “My grandfather used to raise pigs”.

The never ending lies that protestants propagate about their work ethic serves an important purpose in White Supremacy. It tries to convince us that the wealth isn’t unequally distributed. That the privileges that the ruling class have are deserved, rather than stolen.

Benny is the ambassador of these White Men. He lives ever so simply. He offers Beth a mattress to sleep on the floor. He lives in a basement. There is no decoration on the walls. There are only the prizes he’s won at his competitions and tournaments, and some magazine covers. Again, the underlying subtext here is that Benny works hard, lives frugally, and deserves all of the awards he’s won.

Instead of resenting Benny, Beth accepts to learn from him, just like her mother told her to. She looks around his house, but doesn’t say a word, doesn’t judge. She’s here for a purpose, she’s here to take everything that he has in his head, and bring it with her to Paris to win against the Soviets.

She seems dissociated from the situation most of the time. The only time we see her getting a bit excited is when she meets the French model. Again, it’s the high fashion that seems to attract her, as if it’s a sign, an indication of something grander and more appropriate, something that she needs to follow.

An adjournement in Chess, which is also the name of the episode, is when a player secretely puts his move into a sealed enveloppe after 5/6 hours of game. The players resume their play the following day.

Towards the middle of the episode we find Beth right where we met her: in Paris. She plays her matches and makes it to the final with Borgov. Unfortunately, on the day before the final, she meets the French model from Benny’s, drinks and is so hangovered the next day she makes a fool of herself. Not even the two tranquilizers she takes before coming down from her hotel room can help her.

Losing to Borgov in Paris destroys Beth. She goes back to Kentucky and drinks her life away. By the end of the episode she looks sick.

She’s probably discouraged because she’s gotten to the end of her mother’s advice for this episode. She followed the White Man, and all of his advice. She met him in the capital of capitalism, learned everything that was in his head. She even met his friends. She copied his cool. She became him. When she meets the french model in the hotel, they are themselves being the men they seek. They smoke, they drink pastis, they casually talk about fucking.

It’s also worth noting that by losing to Borgov, Beth isn’t failing Benny. He never won against Borgov either. Her presence at these tournaments is already the best that he’s ever achieved for himself. This is also why Benny’s teachings alone won’t get her past Paris, beyond the iron curtain, to Moscow and beyond. He’s never been where she needs to go, where her mother wants her to be. How can he take her there?

A single mother will tell her children to learn from the White Man, but she isn’t telling them to be the White Man. The White Man is probably the reason why she’s single in the first place, why she’s alone. The single mother tells her children to learn the White Man’s way to survive in his world first and then to unbuild it.

Single mothers are often poor, so they understand capitalism very well. They understand that often times money does buy happiness. It gives you security. Strength even. And joy. Beth can’t extract herself from Kentucky, the deep south, segregation and the feminine mystique if she doesn’t have cash.

After she comes back from Paris, Beth finds Mr Wheatley is looking for her. He needs money and wants the house back. She buys his share from him and calls him pathetic. it’s another sign that she’s outgrown the men she used to learn from.

Now there is nothing else but the void, the emptiness beyond her, and she doesn’t know where else to go. It can be overwhelming and Beth copes with alcohol. Who could judge her?

#the queen's gambit #single mom #feminism

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teddy-bea · 4 years

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inscribed on back of photo, mom’s cursive: Dale’s back from camp!! Teddy INSISTED on coming with us to the airport. She burst into tears when she saw her. She’s got the softest soul I’ve ever known.

i persist and resist the temptation

twins have a way of knowing things.

but this wasn’t about twins. this wasn’t about honey calling teddy, throwing her abruptly out of her sleep at three in the morning, arm fumbling around her nightstand for her phone and lifting herself up from under the nest of auggie’s arm to the accusatory, panicked voice of her twin, her honey, asking her, “are you pregnant?”

(to which she’d assured her she absolutely was not, she’d just been feeling sick since they’d gotten back from paris, and she had a doctor’s visit planned for the morning — but if anything, they were just hoping it wasn’t anything severe, anything like what their father was currently quarantined with.)

(fast-forward seven hours later, and her doctor is telling her that she — and her BABIES — are perfectly healthy. how’s that for twin telepathy?)

but this, again, is not that story.

this is about daily.

her name wasn’t actually daily — until she was sixteen, at least, when their parents let her legally change it from “remy” — but it’s what they’d all called her since she was born. apparently, it was because she’d cried when she was a baby. “daily,” her dad would always bemoan to her., and he’d always do it with a smile on his face because her dad did everything with a smile on his face. “she cries daily. daily, daily, daily.” and it had just stuck. she’d been daily ever since.

it suited her, really, because daily was a cool name. and daily remy graham was the coolest person teddy had ever known. and heck, remy had been a cool name too. daily’s destiny had preceded her.

she was loud, but she was gentle, she was outspoken, but she was kind. she wanted to be a rockstar when she grew up, and she settled for being teddy’s lead guitarist since she was fifteen years old and always told her that it was never “settling” in her eyes.

honey was her twin, olive was her best friend, auggie was her soulmate, her siblings were her life, but daily was her person.

she was the one who stood up for her — even if she was only eighteen to teddy’s naive sixteen — when her first record label tried to shortchange her in a lousy deal. she looked over every contract, combed through every deal, made sure teddy was never settling for less than she was worth. she cracked jokes with the band, the opening acts, was everyone’s best friend on tour, in the studio, online. you couldn’t not be magnetized by her. it had been the same way at school — she’d just been that good.

so, when teddy had been home for christmas, just before everything in their world had been rocked to its absolute core, teddy might have seen something that wasn’t supposed to be. a poem — not that that was rare, by any means, since daily always carried notebooks and a tablet with her, but this one seemed deeply personal. this one, teddy could tell, was about alex.

alex, who’d been daily’s high school boyfriend, who had turned into her college boyfriend. everyone joked that she and alex were going to be the next ollie and josie, the next big fat “lifetime of togetherness” to come out of the graham family.

until daily broke up with him out of nowhere before college graduation. he was going to propose, had asked her parents’ for her hand and everything. teddy and bixby had planned a whole, ridiculous engagement party, were already in the process of writing a song rhyming every possible word with “daily” that they could.

there was no doubt in their mind, in any of their minds, that she and alex were going to get married. they’d all set up a surprise party at the graham party when they knew that alex was planning the proposal, everyone hiding behind various furniture as if their entire family weren’t a towering forest of trees, and when daily came in — alone — shoving her keys into her bag, she’d looked at them in horror as they all came flying out from behind the couch with poppers and confetti, screaming out, “CONGRATULATIONS!”

“where is he?” bixby had asked with a furrowed brow.

daily frowned. “who?”

belly snorted from their twin brother’s side. “what do you mean who? alex, dumbass. mr. daily graham.”

“oh,” daily said, her face shifting ever so slightly. “we broke up.”

she said it like their dad used to announce rained out days in the park.

both her mom and teddy were moving for her at once, but daily backed up. “i’m fine. i thought i was surprising you guys by stopping by for dinner tonight,” she shot a pointed look at honey and teddy, “but apparently you guys already knew.”

“hey,” honey said softly, softer than usual. “you good?”

“why wouldn’t i be?” daily breezed. “it’s not like he was gonna propose to me.” she saw the looks across all their faces and grimaced. “all right, too soon.” she shot them a peace sign — which, if you’ve ever met daily, you would know is her international symbol for ‘not okay, but don’t ask — and headed upstairs for her old room.

teddy gave it a solid three minutes before she was heading up after her. honey was at her heels.

they weren’t the type of family who knocked — never had been — so teddy just stepped in and held the door open long enough for honey to follow her before lightly tapping it shut with her foot. she didn’t see how everything could have gone so horribly south so fast. alex had texted her ring ideas while she had been across from daily in tour rehearsals. she was juggling classes and graduation prep and her relationship with alex and tour prep… had it been too much?

“day, what happened?”

“you guys,” daily groaned. “there’s. it’s.” she looked up from where she was doodling line art into a notebook. “it wasn’t going to work, okay? i have so much shit going on with graduation and getting ready to leave across the country and—”

“—if this is about me—”

“—it’s not about you,” daily’s voice nearly broke. “it’s about me.”

something in honey’s stance moved, her jaw clenched and unclenched, her eyes softened. “oh.”

teddy looked from honey to daily before she was looking around daily’s bedroom, seeing the pictures along her dresser and bookcase that had changed in and out from over the years — there was still the picture of her holding belly when they were born, and the picture of her and honey and teddy and ollie all throwing their arms around crosby before he left for his volunteer trip to argentina. there was one of her and their parents and a photobombing bixby at her high school graduation.

daily had photos everywhere. she documented everything, carefully and methodically. her bedroom was a time capsule. her and teddy when teddy got her first record deal. her and teddy on stage at the first talent show they performed at together. her and her best friend naomi when they were six years old, laying out in the backyard with their hair hanging over the edge of the graham family pool. naomi at sixteen in her cheerleading uniform, face scrunched into a scream of a laugh, and daily with her arms wrapped tightly around her, muddy in her soccer uniform. her and naomi in a photobooth when they were twenty, studying abroad for a semester in florence — four photos of them getting closer, and closer, and closer still. there were two pictures of her and alex, with his movie star good looks and his eyes glued to daily. hers were off camera, always searching somewhere beyond her.

and it hit her. like a ton of bricks.

“oh, daily,” she murmured, sitting down beside her.

“we don’t need to have a seventh heaven moment right now,” she said with a laugh, but she was wiping tears away with the back of her hand. “like i said, i’m fine. it sucked, and telling him sucked, and the whole thing fucking sucked, but it’s fine. i’m fine. he’ll be fine. it’ll be fine.”

fine, fine, fine.

in my defense, i have none --

the tape fast-forwards to that very same bedroom, but it’s years later. there is no paris, not yet, but teddy is back in that house in los angeles, the one she has called her own since she was born. the one she and her six siblings have always come back to, would always come back to. she is back in this room, and she is looking for scotch tape to finish wrapping the last of her presents before tomorrow morning rolls around and everybody gets their gifts in shopping bags.

the journal is under her bed, untouched and forgotten about, but it’s there and it’s teasing her. she just takes a peek, just a little one. that’s all.

it turns out, a peek is all she needs.

-- for never leaving well enough alone

the tape is spinning once more, and it is early may. teddy is waiting for her sister to pick up on facetime, sitting in front of her keyboard with her leg jiggling nervously.

“down in front,” auggie teases, cereal bowl in hand. he kisses the top of her head once, and then once more, as the screen shifts and daily comes into view. he gives her a nod of a greeting and ruffles his hand through teddy’s hear before he’s slinking down into the den to start his stream.

“what was so urgent, o’ talented one?” daily hums, sitting up with her bedhead. there is a soft grunt from beside her, a muffled, “hey ted,” from a still-dead-to-the-world naomi. daily is off camera for a second but teddy can hear the soft, unmistakable sound of a kiss from anywhere, before she is standing up from the bed and moving through her apartment, the early morning light of los angeles streaming in.

“gotta remember time changes one of these days.”

“yeah,” daily snorts. “we both know that’ll never happen.” she grabs a coffee mug off the counter, moving around her kitchen and looking back at the phone. “what’s up?”

once she’s sitting down, teddy looks back down at the piano, and then back at her sister. “first off, remember you love me.”

“nothing good ever starts with that.”

“i just. i saw…something, at christmas. and i kind of decided to run with it.”

daily’s eyebrow quirked up. “what kind of something?”

“a poem kind of something?”

and then daily’s face went pale.

“just. look. you’ll never sing it — even if you should — so. i thought i’d take a stab at it. if you hate it, it never sees the light of day. okay?”

daily sits back, taking a sip of her coffee. “all right, maestro.”

i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit; been saying yes instead of no. i thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn’t, though

we were something, don’t you think so?

#instagraham #the daily graham #words

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wittypenguin · 5 years

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The Magnificent Ambersons (1942)

This is a broken film which was supposed to be the amazing follow-up to Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane. People who saw the rough version of 2½ hours thought it was a much better film than Citizen Kane in every way possibles with the final scene being a sad but incredible moment in movie-making history, and a scene which Mr Welles never equalled in his career. That version will never be seen. This post is as uneven as the film, but I can’t blame Studio Executives for that.

Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

George Minafer (played by Tim Holt) is a first class shit head of an asshole. He treats everyone so badly I’m surprised he came back from College with all of his limbs.

Eugene: [0:42:00] I'm not sure George is wrong about automobiles. With all their speed forward they may be a step backward in civilization. May be that they won't add to the beauty of the world or the life of the men's souls, I'm not sure. But automobiles have come and almost all outwards things will be different because of what they bring. They're going to alter war and they're going to alter peace. And I think men's minds are going to be changed in subtle ways because of automobiles. And it may be that George is right. May be that in ten to twenty years from now that if we can see the inward change in men by that time, I shouldn't be able to defend the gasoline engine but agree with George - that automobiles had no business to be invented.

Set in the very earliest of days of the horseless carriage’s development, this is so very prescient.

After 30 minutes of film setting the circumstances of the world in place, we arrive at George’s Life Changing Event: the death of his father, Wilbur Minafer, who we’ve only heard speak two sentences, I believe (he had more, but they were cut, much to the consternation of a thus-uncredited Don Dillaway, probably).

Right around the sixty minute mark, however, things get pretty compressed. Isabel Amberson Minafer and George are off to travel the world and never return, go to Paris, then Isabel’s health fails, they do return to town, and then she dies. All in about 10 minutes. That’s a lot of material in so little screen time, and most of it is delivered by people who explain what they saw happen, not us actually seeing it ourselves.

There are a couple of huge jumps in the time-line which are each covered with about 10 seconds of film and perhaps 20 words of dialogue. Stuff like ‘gosh, isn’t it sad that Billy fell down the well?’ are fine to set up an episode of Lassie, but when you use something akin to that in order to replace five years or more of character development, the viewer certainly feels cheated. Well, I did, anyway.

Then, at 1:22:00, we see George praying at his mother’s bed, and the VO says he has his comeuppance. Right there, at 1:23:30, this should be the end.

George Minafer gets hit by an automobile — the infernal thing he said he despised. He now has no income to support his Aunt at all.

And — Goddamn — the final scene is the purplest thing you’ve ever seen.

Agnes Moorehead [above] and Tim Holt [below] in The Magnificent Ambersons (1942) — — — —

See, originally, the thing was a good 50 minutes longer, but Mr Welles left the film in the hands of his editor, Robert Wise, while he zoomed off to the next project, shooting his ⅔ of a portmanteau documentary film in Brazil called It’s All True, which was to be his 3rd film as stipulated in his contract for RKO. When the studio looked at The Magnificent Ambersons in its rough working length of 50% more than they bargained for, they told Mr Wise to get cutting. So, Mr Wise consulted with Mr Welles just before he left the country, making those few cuts he knew about. The deal was that the studio would pack a Moviola (a film viewer thing used for editing purposes that looks like part of one of the old ‘watch a movie inside a wooden box!’ things at penny arcades and so on), a working print of the film in its extant form, and some editing people, onto a ship or an æroplane to Mr Welles in Brazil. That didn’t happen, because by this point the US had entered WWII and it was nearly impossible for either Mr Wise or an editing assistant (a ‘cutter,’ in cinema parlance) to fly to Mr Welles, or vice versa, owing to travel rationing. A telephone line was set up specifically to aid in consulting with the director (this was 80 years ago, after all), but the story goes that the studio supervisor told to liaise with Mr Welles avoided answering the phone when it rang, specifically to avoid the input, plus a series of written communiques were crumpled up and thrown away without even being read. So, Mr Wise, in consultation with the studio as well as star Joseph Cotten, were forced to start guessing as to how to proceed. He cut a bunch of stuff, then shot some quick coverage to paper over the gaps in the story. The end result is that Mr Welles didn’t speak to Mr Wise for decades, was angry at his long-time friend Mr Cotton for a bit, and this episode probably cemented in the director his life-long distrust of Studio Big-Wigs as nothing but a bunch of meddling bean counters who wouldn’t know a good movie if they got their dicks caught in the sprocket holes of it.

I like to think that last sentence would have made him laugh.

The performances of everyone are incredible. Tim Holt shows that he’s not just the western star which he was known as at the time; he’s capable of nuanced and sophisticated characters as well. Agnes Moorehead, as Geiorge’s Aunt Fanny Minafer, is an example of how an actor can make bold, large choices and be entirely believable in a film setting; her ‘mad scene’ is riveting. This film really is the story of these two characters, and how they cope with a changing landscape of financial challenge and circumstances. =Had the film not been gutted, we would have been able to see more of them, and that is the greatest loss to my mind.

On its original release, the film was shown on at least one occasion as a second feature on a double bill with Mexican Spitfire Sees a Ghost (1942). The second feature. Brother!

Sadly, a reconstruction of the film as it was intended isn’t possible in the way other films of his have been — eg: Touch of Evil — because the footage excised was either destroyed or thrown away.

[left to right] Richard Bennett, Agnes Moorehead, Tim Holt, and Ray Collins in The Magnificent Ambersons (1942) — — — —

To add insult to injury, the Brazilian ‘good will’ documentary aimed at welcoming the South American neighbour into the arms of the US & Allied forces, It’s All True, was never completed: only about ⅓ of its footage survived (probably 200,000ft of Technicolor® nitrate was tossed into the Pacific in the 1960s or ‘70s, and there was much more than that originally), and the stuff that has survived was mostly repurposed in the DesiLu Productions stock film library. So there’s two films in a row that didn’t happen correctly, the second of which didn’t happen at all. There’s a documentary about It’s All True available and it’s worth your attention, as the last ⅓ or so is a reconstruction of the story of 4 guys who sailed on a raft thousands of kilometres to lobby the Brazilian government for basic rights to be extended to people in the outer reaches of the country. It’s only got some sound effects and music, but unlike ‘silent films,’ there are no inter-titles for dialogue. Mr Welles essentially invented a whole new filmmaking technique.

[left to right] Tim Holt and Agnes Moorehead in The Magnificent Ambersons (1942) — — — —

The films of Mr Welles are basically a list of ‘things which didn’t get made at all,’ punctuated by ‘things which weren’t finished’ and ‘things which others messed around with.’ Thankfully there’s a few works which he made and have his vision properly realized. Those are cherished.

Watching the first hour of this film is the last sort… and then it becomes someone else’s picture. Alas.

★★★★☆

#The Magnificent Ambersons #orson welles #Criterion Collection #masterpieces ruined #review #film #cinema

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sweeterxfiction · 5 years

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A rant about consumerism? Privilege? Idfk it’s not coherent

As unintentional as it may be, since 1989 but esp since the rep era, the cash grabbing tactics of limited merch, along w some of the culture in this fan base, have really created a massive divide between the privileged and not so privileged fans. Not everyone can travel overseas, let alone drive hours, to see Taylor. Frankly, it’s not feasible or logical. I’m privileged as all fuck but I could never drop so much money or time like that because it’s just not logical for most people. I mean the limited merch? People buying some every round is good for them but kinda blows when maybe you’re pulling all you can for a single shirt. And multiple shows? Most people can’t swing that and that’s NORMAL. People saying :( it’s my last time hearing the rep intro this era :( grinds my damn gears. And people dropping everything and running for the lover lounge Paris concert or gma. Like what have we become where that makes sense? How can you drop everything on short notice like that and fly across country or overseas to see a person perform for an hour? Like I love tay, I do, but I’m going to be totally honest. That’s kinda weird. It’s one thing to plan a trip for a show when she’s not coming near you or that show sells out or whatever and I’m def not judging those fans. But if you’ve met her and seen her many many times and you know you’ll see her next time she’s in your area? Where does that make sense? Is a three song gma set worth dropping EVERYTHING and running? Calling off work? Ditching class? Is it logical? Maybe it is but you CANNOT deny you are privileged if that’s the case.

AND LOVER FEST GOOD GOLLY we’ve established that there are two groups going to the us shows: the lucky and the wealthy. And nobody even fuckin knows what lover fest entails? Nobody knows if it’s just tay or if there’s an opening act? What if you go and it’s just fucking a three song setfrom her? The lack of info on if there’s a tour or not? And TM doing this bullshit? Like! I’m not about this! Like most of us don’t have the money to spare and the Europe fans are definitely screwed because they are maybe general admission but who knows? And the South American fans might have just signed up for identity theft? Who knows?

You cannot tell me money and consumerism and fuckin just being “a better fan” by spending money have not eaten this fan base alive.

#rant #incoherent thoughts #im fine just #like #what the fuck #i dont love this #im disappointed #sending love #i guess

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soyioblog · 6 years

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How to Choose A Study Abroad Program

https://www.soyioblogging.com/blog/how-to-choose-a-study-abroad-program

Regardless of your major, you probably want to study abroad. Going abroad is an invaluable experience, and visiting another country in college presents you with the opportunity to explore another culture with some independence but also with some guidance and security from whoever's hosting you.

More students are contemplating participating in a study abroad every year, but it can be tricky to choose one. There are a ton of study abroad options, and it can be overwhelming. If you've been thinking about studying abroad, then consider following this guide to help you pick the program that's right for you.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO THERE?

What goals do you have for your study abroad experience? What can you accomplish in another country that you can't at your own school? I studied in Costa Rica to immerse myself in another culture and improve my Spanish. An Art student might study in Paris to see famous artwork firsthand at the Louvre. Think about what you'd be going abroad to learn. Do you want to immerse yourself in another culture for your language credit? Do you want to do groundbreaking research in the rain forest for biology? Consider which countries are best equipped for what you want.

Also, there's more to study abroad than classes. At your home school, you don't just go to classes and that's it. At least, not all the time. Make sure your study abroad program also offers recreational activities along with your classes, so you can enjoy being abroad and get a break from your work. There should be time for you to explore your surroundings, meet new people, and do something you would never get to do at home.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?

If there is a country that you're dying to go to, then maybe it would be better to take that into consideration first. Look for programs relevant to your major or minor in the country that you want to visit. If you can't find any programs relevant to what you want to study, then look for programs for what you must study. Some schools have study abroad programs for classes that are required by the university.

Maybe you're a STEM major, but your university requires credit hours in a language, literature, history, etc. There may be one study abroad program where you can knock all those out at once while also getting to experience another country. Maybe your major is related to the humanities, but you must take a science class with a lab. Going abroad could make a potentially boring experience more exciting and engaging.

You could also participate in a foreign exchange program. Your school may have a relationship with a university in the country you want to visit or a school you want to attend. In this case, you'll also be giving another student the chance to study abroad.

WHEN AND HOW LONG DO YOU WANT TO BE THERE?

Don't forget to take the weather into consideration. I went to Costa Rica during the rainy season, and it was beautiful, but I prepared to walk home in a downpour every evening. Some countries have wet seasons and dry seasons. Others may be colder or warmer than what you're used to. These factors may not affect where you want to go, but they could affect what you need to pack and be prepared for.

i.e. don't travel to South America in the Summer without your sunscreen.

If you're worried about missing your friends and family too much, look for a program that only lasts for a semester. If that still seems too long, there are also study abroad programs that take place during breaks like Summer and Spring break. Are you studying abroad to get better in another language? Then ideally, you'll want to be there a while. Studying abroad is the best way to become fluent in another language, so teachers recommend living in another country for at least a year to get accustomed to living abroad and speaking comfortably.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH?

Consider going abroad with programs outside of your school. It may make transferring your credits trickier, but you could have better opportunities and the option of taking classes not offered by your school. On the other hand, your school may provide you with better financial aid for participating in their programs. Also, remember that not every program includes room, board, and transportation. It's easier to have those things included in your program fees. Compare similar programs and pick the one that offers the best in classes, activities, financial aid, etc.

Something else to consider is the people with whom you spend your time abroad. Do you want to go alone or with a group of future classmates? Whoever you study with can have an effect on your experience, but going solo comes with its own struggles. This applies to professors as well. You don't want to be stuck with the worst-reviewed teacher on ratemyprofessors.com in another country.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FINANCE YOUR TRIP?

Financial aid is an important factor when considering study abroad programs. Not everyone can afford to go to another country, and student loans can take more than 10 years to pay back. You don't want to increase your future financial burden, but don't let that hold you back! Don't pick a program that'll have you staying in ritzy hotels and eating at 5 star restaurants. Pick a program that fits reasonably into your college budget, or if you're going somewhere pricey, save up first. Think about how much you'd be willing to pay and exhaust all your options first.

My advice would be to talk to your study abroad department (if you have one), and advisory, or google study abroad scholarships from your school or local community. Research possible scholarships before you worry about how much the trip will cost you in loans. In my experience, it was always worth my time more to apply for scholarships provided by my school as opposed to the ones on those scholarship websites. Then, apply for big name scholarships like the Gilman Scholarship or the Boren Awards. These scholarships may take a lot more work, but they could pay off in a big way if you get one.

Also, consider scholarships and grants with conditions that are more unique to you or apply to a smaller number of people. For example, being a member of an underrepresented group in academia (e.g. being poor, a woman, a minority, a physically disabled person, or the child of a physically disabled person), someone studying a critical language, or someone who wants to study in a country that's not usually sought after.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Over the past 5 years, hundreds of thousands of students have earned academic credit from study abroad programs. According to NAFSA: Association of International Educators, the 2016-2017 academic year saw an increase of 2.3%. However, this only accounted for barely 2% of all U.S. students enrolled at institutions of higher education.

Most students cite finances, family, friends, time, and relevance to their degree as reasons why they don't participate, but I don't think you should let those things hold you back. Think ahead and take advantage of all your resources. Good luck!

#study abroad #study #studyblr #language #language learning #languages #langblr #how to

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ksica · 6 years

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I’m giving you a big ol’ smooch 😘! I had been trying to explain to key-moochi/skamtrash how her uk POV is not equal to that of the rest of Europe. I’m American but I’m a big history/anthropology/geography nerd and I am so fascinated by different cultures/ societies. And every point I made she just kinda gave me these ‘eye roll’ I’m right your wrong answers, based off opinion not fact. It’s not that she can’t be upset but she doesn’t want to listen to the fact that everywhere is not 1/2

Like the us or the us where we are this big melting pot. In America people are proud of where they come from. You don’t hide it. I’m proud to be Irish, Italian, German, English and polish. But I know in Europe if have recent migration into another country it’s not a good time. So basically she’s not getting that it’s not for lack of a better phrase so ‘black and white’. Any migrant/immigrant is an outsider. 2/3(sorry)

And while I’ve never been to Italy and maybe is just the old Italians but I’ve met Italians who have asked me if I’m Italian and from where I’m from (southern Italy) and they have such fucking weird reactions. Not bad I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ but like judgmental like oh you are from those poor uneducated crop of Italians. One old man hugged me and said oh it’s ok at least you’re here now. Wha!? I think there is a lot more than just hate and prejudice in general in Italy that skam is a big step. 3/3

——————————————————————————————————

i’m sending one to you too :*

i’ve discussed about this topic a million times.

there are over 40 countries in europe, with different cultures, languages, cousines, history, nationalities, sense of humour… one visiting paris doesn’t mean ‘visiting europe’ as many would say. paris is nothing like bratislava, riga or skopje. europe isn’t the west and europe isn’t the eu; not even eu countries have same laws and policies. in many eu countries same sex marriage is not allowed, in fact, romania is about to have a referendum about banning gay marriages, specifying that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. people on social media only call out russia for their anti lgbt laws but the truth is that all south/eastern european countries are against gay marriages; they’d call us too if they knew we existed.

people have prejudice against foreigners of every colour, nationality, and religion - a foreigner forever stays a foreigner. people have prejudice against people from different regions (generally northerners think they are better than southerners), against people who have fairer or darker skin, against people whose accent is different, who are tattooed or have colourful hair (that is not appreciated here, at all). slavs, who are white, are generally looked down upon; a darker skin italian and black french/american will ALWAYS worth more than a slav, that’s A FACT, but tumblr refuses to accept it because it goes against its “white people cannot be discriminated against” mentality. i obviously need to remind those people that hitler considered us the lesser race (at least 200k of my people were killed in ww2). having said that - black africans have it the worst, they are looked down upon by both white and black europeans (imagine, blacks discriminating against blacks).

“white people” term doesn’t exist, why would it exist in white/homogenous societies. people of colour doesn’t exist too (in my language grammatically correct would only be ‘coloured people’, and i doubt anyone would like to be called like that) (my eastern european pov wonders, who are exactly poc? are chinese in china poc? how would one call black and white people living in china?). we focus on nationality. there’s no african-american, asian-american, latino-american, there’s only american. there’s no latino, there’s mexican, brazilian, peruvian. BUT there is a difference between homogenous and multicultural societies. generations and generations of hungarians, croatians and slovaks who were born in serbia will never be serbs, they will always be hungarians, croatians and slovaks and that’s not discrimination, that’s how everyone prefers them to be identified as (this is no different from japan, white people who were born in japan will never be called japanese). for example, nina dobrev for us, bulgarians and other neighbouring countries will always be bulgarian because she was born in bulgaria. if you wondered how can a white country have white minorities this is your answer.

everyone go to wiki and type the uk, and then italy and serbia: the uk has listed race as ethnic groups, and italy and serbia have nationalities listed.

being mixed doesn’t only mean being racially mixed, in our white european countries it means having two nationalities. in our ‘progressive’ balkan countries being croatian equals catholic, serbian equals orthodox and bosniak equalsmuslim (there are people who identify differently than their ‘assigned’ religion, but we pretend they don’t exist). being mixed could mean having two religions and celebrating different things. (during the bosnian war many was forced to choose their nationality and show what side they were on. those who refused ended up dead.) being a hijabi woman from mixed parents theoretically means being bullied for being a traitor for not identifying with their mother’s religion, but all of our religious muslims live in one country’s region so there has never been any problems. i assure everyone here that a person who is half serbian/half any other (neighbouring) nationality or half muslim/half christian feel the same as a person living in american or british society and being half white/poc (muslim), they feel that they are not serbian/other enough to belong anywhere.

one more thing: 10 days ago two girls tried to educate me on how offensive a term “gipsy” (in my language “cigan”) is. i don’t know how is it in your country but here the term IS NOT OFFENSIVE. we have so many songs with that word, all positive and about love (like this one or this one). sure, there’s huge discrimination against romani people/gypsies and some use it as an insult but it’s all about the tone, the term itself is not offensive, end of discussion.

i have to say i laughed out loud at “at least you’re here now” :D see, a different type of humour :)

#this was long!#skam italia #europe #serbia #race #Anonymous #k text

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theepitomeofsimplicite · 6 years

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Hi everyone,

I guess it’s never too late to wish you all a wonderful happy new year! Today, I’d love to take a moment to share my reflections on my best of 2018 travel. So, I am considering creating a series of posts in the upcoming weeks (YES! You read this. I am back to the grinds of writing and I am feeling super motivated) about sartorial-self editing and a follow up on continuing living my minimalist life.

The other day, a friend of mine who does not enjoy travel as much as I do recently asked me: ” What value does it bring to spend all your money in traveling so frequently?”

I paused for a brief moment and tried to recollect in my head all the countless unmeasurable benefits I gained from the experience of traveling. I’m thinking of adventures, freedom, and creating sweet memories with my favorite people. Mountains, road trips and singing cheesy songs in the car, big cities, beaches, lakes, wine country, night life, speak Spanish, fall in love… and so much more I mean where shall I begin…

Here are some advantages I can think of when it comes to why I value travelling as often as I can. To start with, there is an excitement and anticipation of planning a trip up front (read more about experientialism vs materialism post here). Looking forward to how we would imagine the journey. It gives room for creativity in deciding what activities to fill our days with.

Next, I learn to live more intentionally by pausing and being in the moment. I pay particular attention to small overlooked pleasures in life. I enjoy very much to be engaged with people in a genuine way by becoming a better active listener for instance when taking in to their stories. I experience more gratefulness. I like that my discovery mode is turned on (try new food, catch new sights, practice a new language sometimes, or embrace new cultures).

All in all, I find travelling to be important to me because it contributes to my self-improvement. All these reasons contribute towards my personal growth; my thoughts are influenced by a broader range of awareness of the world surrounding me, my habits are sometimes mimicking other’s cultural lifestyles, my learning is derived from my interactions with people and taking in their outlook on life, my beliefs are more grounded, and my thoughts are centered around creating a healthier and happier way of living. Let it be minimalism and zero waste lifestyle but these topics are worth detailing in separate posts.

Anza Borrego Desert/Julian, CA

After returning from my regular winter euro trip in the beginning of the year from Dresden and Paris, in February I went on a mini weekend road trip to Anza Borrego Desert. It’s only a two hour drive northeast of San Diego where I live and is located south east from Riverside and south of Palm Springs. The Anza Borrego Desert State Park isn’t too far from the Mount Jacinto Park where I hiked in the summer of 2017 (read here). It’s the largest park in California and has many wilderness areas as well as lots of hiking trails.

I picked the Palm Canyon trail where a minimum of climbing was involved (I love climbing!!!) and I was able to catch a sight at the primitive palm trees which are the tallest in California and are kept very wild and untrimmed. Down the oasis, I could hear from a far distance some buzzing sounds that resonated all around. As I was so curious to find out the origins of these croaks, I rushed down the river by climbing down the hiking trail in an off trail fashion (my adventurous side) to find some very cute tiny frogs under the rocks blending with the surroundings in the most perfect way.

All the climbing efforts were well worth! Then as the night quickly fell down, it’s how I got some very large and deep scars on my left forearm because I ran into a giant cactus on my way back up to the trail. Not very clever but I put the blame on my tomboy side! Later that evening on the way back to San Diego, a pit stop at Julian was required to have a taste of the well-known local apple pies and cider.

Los Angeles, CA

I drove to the city of angels and visited my friend Alexie (from UCLA) in the beginning of March as I needed to renew my passport at the French embassy. This was a two day trip but I really appreciated my time spent with her discussing various topics and you know just being women. Read more here where I talked about trying Tsukemen for the first time at Tsujita and a local’s brunch at Egg slut.

San Diego CRSSD FEST, CA

Processed with VSCO with b1 preset

This electronic, deep house, and techno festival is a traditional yearly thing I attend with my Persian buddies Arash and Massoud. Although I’ve tried to save a decent budget dedicated to music festivals for the year, I always seem to mess this up. But in any case, this is a sort of a mini Coachella and if you are in San Diego during March and September I recommend you guys to check it out because I like that it’s located by the waterfront and our dear Pacific Ocean.

Seoul/Busan, South Korea

In March, I was sent to South Korea for work (second time around and read first impression of the previous strip here). I stayed in Seoul and enjoyed this trip very much particularly as I didn’t end up having to do too much work at the customer site for once. But differently than last time, I decided to gather a team and explore South Korea away from the city center of Seoul. So we took the train to visit Busan.

Busan is a very large port city and is well known for its beaches, mountains, and temples. I enjoyed hanging out at the Haeundae beach with the young crowded locals and shot some fireworks. Later that night, the team composed of the new Dutch girlfriend Anne and another colleague, Robin who is Irish, went on bar hoping and met a friendly group of enthusiastic high energy good vibe young Koreans. We befriended right away with songs like Gangnam style and other classics.

We were then invited to a Karaoke bar and sung our heart out til about 8 am the following day. We actually made a reservation at a hostel nearby but needless to mention how pissed off the receptionist was as we had a very very very late check in that dragged her out of the bed. I know this was messed up but our new Korean friends helped us get to stay in to rest for the remaining duration of 2 hours, which was barely enough sleep but we needed to catch the train back to Seoul and I had to fly back afterwards.

The best part of this trip I think came from the idea that propelled me to go to Busan in the first place. The ultra fresh seafood and sashimi. I watched a documentary online where I saw a man trying to experience the “live” sashimi fish in Busan and choked on it. He became so red and almost died. I thought the idea of trying something so “fresh” would have made a fun challenge so I set my mind to experience it too at the Jagalchi Market, the world famous market for fresh fish and seafood. Robin and I got to try it but I barely survived. Personally though I wouldn’t do it again haha.

Another crazy experience was found at this local BBQ restaurant where I had fresh grilled eel for the first time ever. It goes without saying how painful that was visually and the taste was stringent. Have you ever eaten a whole eel? I’m not speaking of the little piece of eel that is place with a generous amount of Teriyaki sauce on the sushi but the whole fish. It’s so bony and crunchy towards the tail. I also would detail the part where the fish are taken from the aquarium then processed in front of your attentive eyes.

The cook knock the head of the eel using the back of the knife then begins to skin off the fish by removing the spinal column. The sound was draconian. The fish is then cut up into chunks. Later the pieces are laid on the plate ready to be grilled but the heads also come together. The visual still hurts me by just typing these lines but please skip this section if you are too sensitive sorry. As the brains were trying to pump blood through, and while Robin was devouring the body from the grill (personally I couldn’t do it), the mouth of the fish was left wide opened as a reaction to the loss of oxygen. I still remember vividly the horrified faces of the fish. In any case, this experience was quite unique but I’m still glad I got to see how life was like in Busan with the locals.

Saratoga/NYC, NY and Montreal, Canada

After my trip to South Korea, I was supposed to take some time off to stop by Japan to hang out with a friend I met during CRSSD fest but to my disappointment I had to fly straight away to New York for work again. This trip was rather unique because it’s where I met my crush there (blushing). But nothing surprising it’s just a crush and nothing more and you’ll read more about this Dutchie later 😉 Besides, work was very interesting there and the weather was ruthlessly cold with above the knee level of snow. Time working there was passing by so quickly as my best friend Mark (we work together) was also on site for work and we got to hang out a bunch.

In Albany we had Tanpopo Jakarta ramen. If you are curious about ramen, head over to my blog on ramen critic around the globe @ramencraycray. We ate at Vintage House and had interesting fried oyster sandwiches at Albany Ale & Oyster. We also hung out quite a bit in Saratoga Springs where we visited the Historic Congress Park to sip on the spring water. Had drinks at this hispter jazz playing live music at Morrissey’s and dined at the Wine Bar.

During this trip, I took the opportunity to drive to cross the border and visit Montreal. I had to make a pit stop at this gentleman’s house located in the beautiful town of Saratoga Springs. I met this older writer named Paul on the plane (yes for many of you who know me, I meet a bunch of folks on the plane and it’s not hard trust me!). We discuss many topics among writing and blogging as well as feminism and life in Paris compared with New York. We promised to give each other feedback from his book titled “Learning the Learner” while he reads my blog, this one.

He kindly invited me over to his house for breakfast along with a tour at the Spring Street Gallery which was a converted church located in front of his house. I had an immense pleasure in meeting his amazing awe inspiring wife Barbara (@blglaser5150). She is the woman I aspire to become when I get more mature. She has accomplished so much to become financially independent, in raising her Korean adopted daughter and her work in Natural State Park conservation, and now is a philanthropist. I was more than glad to have the chance to meet people like them and to share our stories. I felt so empower to continue my pursuit in advancing technology and to become as independent as she is someday. I also wish to further contribute to society just how she does it.

Ok so, now let’s talk about Montreal shall we? The road was very beautiful on my way there all covered in snow and I can easily glimpse at the mountain ranges during my three hour long drive. I stayed at Le Saint Sulpice hotel that was simply scrumptious located in Old Town. As I stepped out into town, I was clearly experiencing a wardrobe malfunction; I wore my long white Korean coat with a pair of jeans, a jumper, a beanie, scarf, and a pair of leather gloves. Evidently I froze to death within 15 minutes of walk in the blazing -15C.

So I rushed to the nearest neighborhood bar at the pub le Saint-Elisabeth. I met a new friend at the bar named Francois who was kind to show me locals spots around the well-known avenue du Mont Royal and had delicious poutine. The next day, I met up with my cousin who I haven’t seen in about 20 years (long time!!!) to catch up. We walked through the underground pass to go to the mall just like how the Quebecois shop to avoid peaking your nose out into the cold. She offered me some of the best ice wines ever. I feel very grateful!

On my last weekend there, I was meeting up with an old friend and together drove to NYC passing through the Lincoln tunnel. That was a hell of a lot of fun with lots of dancing, some ramen, and a copious amount of drinks and sightseeing. Make sure to read more about this city here.

West Coast Road Trip (Joshua Tree Park, CA/LA, CA/Big Sur, CA/Big Basin Redwood Park, CA/SF, CA/Newport, OR/Seattle, WA/Mt Adams, WA/Corvallis, OR)

In May, our birthday month, my sister (@dithy_f) from Paris and I got into my white Golf and drove along the USA West Coast. One of the best road trips ever yet! Read more here for part 1. Part 2 filled with more stories should be coming around soon so stay tune. In this case, I’ll skip here to the next trip below…

San Elijo Beach, CA

One of the best perks I enjoy about living in San Diego is that the county is so vast in its surface area that driving 30 to 40 minutes along the coast from where I live seems like a travel destination even though it’s technically still San Diego. We were camping there together with this really awesome girl Jenny (@nurse_jenny) (I met at a party and she had all the gut to just ask for my number and befriended instantly) and my friend Stephen (from work) who was set to take a year off to travel the world. I had an amazing weekend there grilling sausages and I even had some fun creating a beach bum beauty tutorial that can be found on my Instagram stories.

Ensenada/Tijuana, Mexico

I love spontaneous impromptu trips like this in the summer. Mexican friend Guerardo invited me over to tag along on his weekend getaway trip to Mexico. Singing along Felices Los 4 and Dura omg! We took the Ruta del vino to visit and wine taste at L.A. Cetto. We brunched at Bodegas del Valle, a secret local spot. We later that night played dominos then poker getting drunk on some tequila Reposado. The next day, we were beach ready to get some tan at Playa Hermosa in Explanadas. Afterwards, we had some of the best margheritas at Bar Andaluz and the best tacos ever are found at the world renown Anthony Bourdain approved Sabina Restaurante. Later, on our way back to the US, we had to stop by Tijuana where we got a roof top drink at Cine Tonala and played games.

Tel Aviv, Israel

During the summer, I traveled to Tel Aviv for the first time to visit my friend Tom. I know many of you already know how I met Tom and how I ended up in Dresden in the winter of 2017 but just for the sake of sharing with everyone. On my way to Amsterdam from Minnesota, I think that was in the summer of 2017 I happen to sit next to this blue eye guy with a quirky smile on this face. I think he started the conversation with an ice breaker question. So tips to you guys, if you are happen to sit next to a stranger on the plane and would like to make new friends, don’t put your headphones on, smile, and ask whether your flight neighbor is heading back home or visiting. This ice breaker question always works for me 🙂 So as we talked and laughed throughout our 8 hour long trip. We exchanged our contact information but before that he managed to convince me to meet again either in Tel Aviv and/or Dresden for the winter holidays.

And in truth eventually, I ended up meeting him in both cities haha. I flew to Dresden in December of 2017 from Paris because (this is a true story haha) my sister was too busy to host me during the weekday and (sadly) she is also a type A woman so she made it clear that I was on my own. Then I simply phoned Tom to check his whereabouts then booked a ticket at the airport from CDG, took the metro to Orly then flew to Dresden straight away. I actually don’t recommend anyone to fly that much in a day (4 back to back flights) but I’m still glad I made it out there. I stayed at Tom’s friend’s Matthias (a German cutie), and we got to visit the beautiful city (old and new neighborhood), did some thrift shopping as I was travelling without proper winter gears (got as scarf and beanie), and even attended an opera. The museums there were very impressive and boy I love the Christmas market to grab some warm German sweet bread, some wurst, and a sip of the delicious gluhwein (even gluhbier).

Well, I’m digressing now sorry so back to Tel Aviv! Tom and I stayed at another of Tom’s friend’s apartment nearby the beach in Yaffa area. Hillel is such a smart and funny guy. He’s very thoughtful too! I recall how before I’d get up in the morning, a warm freshly baked pastry was awaiting for me on the kitchen counter. He was temporarily being a dog daddy to Indie so I lucked out in meeting them because I had so much fun hanging out with these mischief later in the Old City. This vibrant place is full of craft shops and art galleries, and stalls selling antiques and jewelry at the lively Jaffa Flea Market.

There are some Ottoman influences such as the Clock Tower. We walked around and spotted an outdoor venue filled with folks dancing on Arab music after crossing the Wishing Bridge. The area is also popular for its hip wine bars, creative Mediterranean dining and seafood restaurants near Jaffa Port. There is such a wide mix of culture and we got together for drinks at the Shaffa bar with Stefania, her bf and friend. Well, how I met Stefania was also on a plane ride from JFK to Tel Aviv haha. We sat next to each and became friends instantly. And so we just had to meet up in town!

Then Hillel wanted to take us to his favorite secret spot that offers a unique view over the Jaffa port but on the opposite side. Recall when I called Hillel and Indie the little pair of mischief well, to get to that safely guarded spot required illegal climbing over a fence then a wall hmmm the challenge came from having our little four legged Indie with us but we still proceeded with climbing with the adventurous dog friend. It was so worth it as we could catch a glimpse in the quiet night and only hearing the waves crashing on the rocks and just taking in the beautiful sights and being in the moment.

I have a few tips on Tel Aviv for you guys if you are interested, drop a comment below. I personally really enjoy going to the outdoor markets like the Carmel market where Tom and I met up with another of Tom’s friend named Roy. He had bought some delicious cheese and we improvised a French picnic with a bottle of red (of course!) and laid around in the neighborhood park, while dog petting.

I only stayed 4 days in Tel Aviv and wished to road trip to Jerusalem but due to the unbearable heat wave, I’ll postpone this trip to another time. So next on my way to Amsterdam, I had a quick overlay in Rome. Unfortunately I couldn’t hang out with my dear friend Rita but had (yes another) interesting encounter on the plane. An older Italian gentleman who is a professor in Chemistry and avid alternative renewable energy especially in clean gas was my neighbor. He had mistaken me as a model haha. But to his disappointment I had to break it to him that I was just an engineer.

We talked for a long while about renewable energy and the new tech trends. Once we landed in Fuimicino, he kindly offer to continue our conversations over at the lounge. I personally love to converse with passionate folks. Side note by the way, a handful of people either border patrol agents or people I bumped into during my flights tend to believe I’m some model. Can it be because of my leather jacket, my casual effortless airport style or is it? Regardless, I’m utterly flattered but (shrugging) would love to know why…

Amsterdam/Eindhoven/Heusden, The Netherlands

I arrived in Amsterdam to meet up with Silvana (@saisonlune) the birthday girl. She’s taken me to the north of Amsterdam so we took the ferry where we can sight the beautiful A’dam Toren from Centraal Station. We had a snack at FC Hyena where it has movie theater and great food. The décor is industrial but with lots of quirky colors. Afterwards, we headed next door to the Hotel de Goudfazant. This place used to be a car garage so don’t be surprised if you are dining next to cars inside the space.

The following day, I also got to meet Jessica from Daarboven and stroll around Amsterdam. We had a pit stopped at my fav Scandinavian shop Filippa K where I got a couple of essential garments (a nice cropped wool jacket and a pair of simple blue denim, read here).

We sipped on some fancy drinks at the Hoxtel lounge, grabbed ramen at Fou Fow Ramen then devour some explosive chocolate at the Michelin starred Duchess .

In Eindhoven, I always enjoy staying at my bestie Joffrey. I also took some time to say hi to Adri from Chanel. She created a new look for me and left with many goodies she gathered for me. In the afternoon, Jo organized a mini road trip to Heusden for a getaway. Walking around there was very relaxing to see the lashing green surrounding and the famous windmills. In the village we grabbed some red and some bread (I love Dutch breads). Later in the evening Jo and I met up with Yohann (our betstie) to grab an apero at his house.

Then we all met up with the other guys for Lepeltje Lepeltje, a food fest in Eindhoven with live music and yummy ice creams. Later than night we all hung out at our regular Irish pub Oshea’s where a few more people are set to come by. One person was the German cutie I was seeing on the date during lunch time at one of my fav brunch spot called Krok Madame. The other person was my Dutch crush and well needless to mention how melodramatic this all resulted and of course I’ve never intended anything as such to take place.

Chinon/Vendée Road Trip, France

It’s still summer and I was on my way to Paris now to get with my sister then we picked up my mom to go onto our yearly road trip. We stopped by the wine country region as always. I’ve notice my friends recently called me “Wine Privileged” and I am beginning to be more grateful from my upbringing and the fact that my parents’ house is located in one of the most amazing wine country region of France. And so we are in Chinon and visiting the Cave Monplaisirs.

The lady owner was formidable in presenting the wine selection with exquisite details of the terrain, the grapes provenance and mixes. This is how I get wine educated by going on a variety of wine tasting and having great conversations. She also kindly offered us an extra bottle (we had to keep it quiet on the gift haha) simply because she enjoyed sharing a great conversation too! We set up our picnic by the Loire river with great sight, a fresh summer breeze, and amazing wine paring (Les Picasses from 2016).

My sister and I rented a beautiful beach house in the Vendée region with a big pool by Saint-Jean-de-Mont beach. We had a lovely time with my mom swimming , BBQ, and just chilling in town. We did a bit of sightseeing but the best experience was going to the oysters’ market casually located in various parts of the roads there called le Délit. I believe to have found the best tasting oysters in my entire life! I stoke a conversation with the bar owner sharing with him my USA stories and then he pointed out that an LA designer was painting the walls of the place. Have a look as it’s pretty quirky. Another good time (yes it’s again about food) was going to Noirmoutier to bunch at Michelin starred or recommended restaurants like L’ilot Bleu. Next stop was a flower park (my mom is a lotus enthusiast) called the Parc Floral de la court d’Aron where we spent a day there having a little French picnic.

Paris, France

This city is always crazy and has the most fun parties. I hung out with the Parisian crew (a bunch of finance folks who prize on expensive champagne bottles. Yeah I know it’s just another life style) and caught up with Taler (@nomadicfille). We had ramen again but this time at Hokkaido.

The following day we went to the street food fest in Place République. Then, we headed towards the roof top at the Art et Métiers hotel. Needless to mention, there was a gorgeous view over the city of Light and the flashing Eiffel Tower but what caught my attention was this cutie sitting right next to me from another group of Parisians. We had a great conversation but I must be so naïve in too many ways, I didn’t realize he was a catch haha. But it’s all good we are friends on Instagram, does that count?

Los Angeles, CA

In September after getting back to San Diego, the following weekend I got on the road towards Vegas, the sin city. But I thought I’d stop by and say hi to my friend Alexie (if you don’t remember her, I had a post on LA here). We caught up over dinner, girls talk then the following day brunched at our favorite place in Abbott Kinney called Gjelina. A bit of window shopping but then it was time for me to get back on the road already.

Vegas/Valley of Fire Road trip, NV

Hanging out with Jo and catching up with his dad I haven’t seen in a couple of years was fun. In short, Fermont experience, losing money gambling, getting fancy drinks at the casino, and hiking in the heat of the Valley of Fire where we almost passed out. I recommend everyone who is passing by Vegas to go check out this out of the ordinary red-bricked landscape. It’s truly breath taking how arid the climate is but how the rock formations come together is pretty amazing.

Big Bear, CA

This road tripping to camping with Arash was in late September so it was indeed freezing cold. We were out of Vodka to keep us warm so in the process I lost my toes overnight for about 8 hours then recovered. The Castle Rock trail hike by Big Bear Lake was pretty intensive in climbing but the view we could catch on top was all worth it with a breathtaking forest views, rock structures, and a distant lake.

Lake Tahoe, CA

Next road trip was made during the thanksgiving holidays. It was very adventurous on the long drive there from San Diego to Lake Tahoe especially in the freezing night. Just had to pick up Massoud along the way in Orange County. As we approached the mountain ranges, we found out too tardily that the snow chains were undersized so we decided to simply deflate the tires in order to create more traction. (3 engineers getting together that’s how things go often!).

London, England

I haven’t been back since a couple of years ago so I was glad to stop by London in December and catching up with my dear Jackie (@passyjacqueline). What I retained the most from being there was experiencing Tinder dating together haha. I recall vividly on one of the bus rides in London City where Jackie and I were eye on out phones swiping left and occasionally right on the app then suddenly we heard 3 older gentlemen exclaiming right behind us “But you keep on swiping left!” hahaha I’ll omit the Brit accent but I couldn’t help than to crack up. It’s an observation that it seems everyone young and old men and women everywhere across the globe is searching for love though this dating tool.

I really enjoyed the low key local hangout (will do a map later if you are interested for I have some tips!) and art exhibits. We went to Blain Southern and checked out the “Between the lines” of Chiharu Shiota and the drawings of Jonas Burget. Indeed, I’d rather avoid doing tourist traps cos I just wanted to create memories being with my dear friend in the most humbling way. Some of the cool places I went to are Tonkotsu ramen, Oslo Hackney bar and club, Blighty Tottenham for brunch, Pop Brixton for the hispter hang out and drinks food hall style, Ace hotel in Shoreditch for a fancy drink at the lounge. For a nice walk I went to Borough market (my fav) and had tapas at Tapas Brindisa. Roof tops I went to Sushi Samba which offers a great view of the Gherkin. Lastly, Jaaguarshoes Collective is a local hang out for casual drinks.

Amsterdam/Eindhoven/The Hague, The Netherlands

Going to Holland is always about catching up with everyone. I also flew from London to Amsterdam as cheap as 37 euro that’s why I love travelling within Europe because of the ease of transport. I’m typically staying at Joffrey’s house in Eindhoven. We always cozy up on his velvet couch in the late evening watching our fav old French show Kaamelott. In the evening I had dinner with my old friend Alain who is half Dutch and half French. We checked out the new hot spot called Kazerne which had a lovely exhibit.

This time I was in Amsterdam meeting up with Jessica. We always have planned for me to go visit the museum where she works at but every time I’m arriving by train so late in the afternoon that I keep missing out. Bummer! However, we grabbed a local Thai food where there was probably 5 tables. It was so tiny but the food was good. We then intended to go for a quick shop to Filippa K (one of my fav shops) but it had already closed by 7 pm.

Next, we just continued strolling around what I find to be the romantic Amsterdam with the light exhibits on the canals. We grabbed some drinks at the Hoxton lounge (one of my fav places to go chill in Amsterdam), and then she insisted on grabbing another drink at a club I’ve never been to, which was ChinChin. There was a karaoke bar, restaurant, and club all in one place. I like catching the train back with her and just keep on conversing about life, our careers, blogging, shopping, personal style, and recently about our love life, dating, and relationships. Needless to mention how glad I am to have getting to know her.

The following day I caught an early train ride from Eindhoven to The Hague to grab brunch with the crew made of Kimberley, Silvana, and finally got to meet Sebastian. We chatted and laughed about everything at the local brunch names Bartine. It was good to see them all. Then afterwards, I had the honor to stroll around the Hague with Sebastian as my personal tour guide. He was showing me the old government buildings, describing the architectural styles, and the history behind them.

And it was already time to head back to Eindhoven to meet up for dinner with other friends. So the lovely Anne showed up with Joffrey. Unfortunately, my friend from work Sander (a Belge guy) and his wife couldn’t stay late into the evening as they have a little toddler to attend to so I only got to see them very briefly. The next day which was Saturday, Jo and I packed our bags, got into the car and set our GPS direction towards Paris to meet up with my sister for a late brunch.

Paris, France

Ahhh Paris is always my fav place in the world! Always crazy and fun at the same time with my lovely sis Britney and the Parisian crew. You probably may have noticed but I also avidly avoid tourristy areas there. I always prefer our local hang outs or discover new hot spots that most tourists are unaware of. We hung out in the newly trend food hall style La Félicita, had a bite and a few drinks then danced our night away.

We also celebrated New Year’s eve in our own terms. No rules nor tips to follow. We simply created our own way of having a great time. No overpriced club tickets bought online, no house party on our agenda. Remember that the best plan is no plan after all. We just walked up towards the Champs-Elysee then grabbed food and drinks at the Beer Station.

The area had been blocked off for the fire work show around the arc de Triomphe but we were located right at the edge of the landmark. Stayed warm, had food and cheering on red wine then champagne, watching the fireworks all in safety and warmth instead of mingling with the crowds on the Champs-Elysee avenue where it was counted that over 150,000 people attended the event. We took the party further towards Pigalle area at the Carmen club where we met the cutie barman Romeo who had a generous amount of dating advice to give away haha.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get much free time at hand to see the group of Paris girls (sorry! Next time for sure!) but got to do a quicky apero at Taler’s house. I got to meet her boyfriend, her cousin from the US, and her other friends. My sister later showed up too!

Tours, France

This was a truly special trip into the wine country of Loire Valley. Typically every time I visit my parents’ house in the Center of France, we’d stop by the neighboring area to go wine tasting and coming back home with boxes of a variety of wines. We are also very intimate with the wine makers of the region so it’s always a pleasure to say hi. But this time, I’d convinced my sister and our friend Aja to come along with me to visit the Tours region and meet up with Antoine at the Domaine de Cray.

It was a lovely wine tour into the sparkling white wine production, the famous Cremant de Loire, where he was showing us the art of riddling wine a la méthode Champenoise. He was showing up the assembly line with some level of automation for the first fermentation to take place where the natural sugar from the grapes are converted into alcohol and letting the carbon dioxide escape from the bottle and makes the base wine or the cuvée. It’s not usually very tasty as it is very acidic. Antoine showed us where these cuvée were stored in those large chambers and even had a sip of it together with the tuxedo cat who serves as great company. I recommend anyone to stop by this winery!

If you made it to read this line, well thanks for reading my stories. Let me know if you enjoy these narratives as much as I do or rather want tips for travel but either way don’t hesitate to drop a comment and I’ll look forward to your inputs.

Best of 2018 Travel Hi everyone, I guess it's never too late to wish you all a wonderful happy new year!

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sowhatisthisfor · 6 years

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Movies 2019

List of films I watched in 2019 from best to worst.

Updated soon after I’ve seen them.

A Ghost Story [David Lowery, 2017, United States] No film has made me feel this melancholic ever. This is a film so profound, it examines existence in the simplest yet most esoteric way possible. It surely goes straight to the top of my all-time favourite list. 10/10

Portrait of a Lady on Fire [Celine Sciamma, 2019, France] a film of magnificent visuals, intoxicating sound design, and a screenplay of jawdropping surprises -- definitely on top of my 2019 movie list. 10/10

The Heiresses [Marcelo Martinessi, 2019, Paraguay] compellingly melancholic in its silence and uncertainty. It's a blossoming, a self-discovery, a thorny journey towards maturity. 10/10

Parasite [Bong Joon-ho, 2019, South Korea] You can watch it in many different ways, perspective, and angle, and everything is just as clever. 10/10

Kanarie [Christiaan Olwagen, 2018, South Africa] Has one of the most poignant and critically-observed approach to self-awareness and acceptance. 10/10

Shéhérazade [Jean-Bernard Marlin, 2018, France] a gritty narrative of an unusual young love with such depressing yet charming emotional pull. 10/10

Capernaum [Nadine Labaki, 2018, Lebanon] it’s not just about a boy in an unjust world, it is more about an implausibly unjust world where everyone is a victim and no one is an actual villain. 10/10

John Denver Trending [Arden Rod Condez, 2019, Philippines] Aside from its central theme of mental health awareness, it also has an excellent juxtaposition of the culture of bullying and cyberbullying and its correlation with how the nature of superstitions and religions shapes a country’s humanity. 10/10

The Third Wife [Ash Mayfair, 2019, Vietnam] possibly has one of the best visual stories this year with a contrast of hauntingly sensual tension and dreamlike composition, it’s strangely beautiful. 10/10

Atlantique [Mati Diop, 2019, Senegal] Such a bewitching tale of love, lost, and longing. A film told with such raw elegance, it’s enchanting. 10/10

Metamorphosis [JE Tiglao, 2019, Philippines] Not your ordinary coming-of-age movie. This one comes with such importance and inclusivity, everyone needs to see. 10/10

The Favourite [Yorgos Lanthimos, 2019, Greece, Ireland, United Kingdom, United States] a dark period comedy oddly fused with sophisticated costume and production design for a strange yet striking visual treat. 10/10

Edward [Thop Nazareno, 2019, Philippines] I am so amazed at how this film shows struggles after struggles after struggles without spoonfeeding emotions. It’s a movie so simple yet so despairing. Everything of it is in the right place, it’s sublime. 10/10

I Lost My Body [Jeremy Clapin, 2019, France] gives an absolute strange reason to cry, it's extraordinarily cathartic. 10/10

Marriage Story [Noah Baumbach, 2019, United States] My favourite performance of the year belong to these two leads whose portrayal of lovers going through divorce is rock solid heartbreaking. 10/10

Ulan [Irene Villamor, 2019, Philippines] Is a fuck you to societal norms, so profound, it is a love story that involves only one. 10/10

Avengers: Endgame [Russo brothers, 2019, United States] Raises the bar so high, is probably the most entertaining superhero movie to date. 10/10

The Wife [Bjorn Runge, 2018, Belgium] Glenn Close is mesmerizing. There is no need to say more. 10/10

Heneral Luna [Jerrold Tarog, 2015, Philippines] Jerrold Tarog is as brave as General Luna. He clearly is the Luna of film making. 9.5/10

Infinity War

Incendies [Dennis Villanueve, 2011, Canada] With such expert direction, it's elementally strong in more aspect than one. 9.5/10

Us [Jordan Peele, 2019, United States] It is as if every element in this film is smartly placed there to serve a deeper purpose, it's a movie in search of greater meaning. 9.5/10

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

BuyBust [Erik Matti, 2018, Philippines] a spectacular display of astounding filmmaking where every element is designed and choreographed fittingly well. Entertaining yet harrowing from start to finish, it’s the kind of film that stays. It gets better on second watch. 9.5/10

The White Helmets [Orlando Von Eisiedel, 2016, United Kingdom, Syria] A heartrending glimpse at the life of true heroes in violence-stricken Syria. 9/10

PK [Rajkumar Hirani, 2014, India] a courageous film that wittingly pokes fun of religious beliefs. 9/10

Mamu and a Mother Too [Rod Singh, 2018, Philippines] Why it scared me, I don’t know. It could be because it’s unpredictable, it’s non-cliche, and it’s gentle in ways you don’t expect. I love it. 9/10

Liway [Kip Oebanda, 2018, Philippines] Is at most powerful when it exposes the correlation of facts and fiction. Doesn’t hit you right away but when it does, it hits hard. It hits still. 9/10

Paris is Burning [Jennie Livingston, 1991, United States] is a little documentary that stays. 9/10

Paglisan [Carl Papa, 2018, Philippines] Heartbreaking. It is a test of sympathy. 9/10

Widows [Steve McQueen, 2018, United States] How can something so traditionally formal feel so modern at the same time? Steve McQueen knows. 9/10

Eerie [Mikhail Red, 2018, Philippines] More than its excellent scare tactics, what I love about it most is its clever storytelling and use of metaphors. 9/10

La Luciernaga (The Firefly) [Ana Maria Hermida, 2015, Colombia] is about finding love in grief, beauty in ugly. And though there are some directorial decisions I don’t necessarily agree with, the chemistry its leads bring onscreen is too tangible for me to care about its flaws. 9/10

First Reformed [Paul Schrader, 2019, United States] an astounding character study that questions the politics of religion. 9/10

Bad Bananas sa Puting Tabing

Fuccbois [Eduardo Roy Jr, 2019, Philippines] Amazing storytelling and editing of a narrative so strange yet so eclectic. 8.5/10

Margarita with a Straw [Nilesh Maniyar, Shonali Bose, India, 2016] An unusual take on sexual exploration and self discovery. It somehow lost its focus towards the end but still a delightful watch overall. 8.5/10

Berlin Calling [Hannes Stohr, 2008, Germany] a movie that lives in the present paced in such rhythmic beat, it is dazzling from start to end. 8.5/10

Kuwaresma [Erik Matti, 2019, Philippines] Is a multilayer of social commentaries which were good before they too contradict themselves. 8.5/10

Brother of the Year [Witthaya Thongyooyong, 2018, Thailand] For all its simplicity and bleak storyline, it still offers an abundance of emotion and a sense of realism. 8/10

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga [Shelly Dhar, 2019, India] Not a first in world cinema, but is still a groundbreaking moviemaking in the context of India. 8/10

If Beale Street Could Talk [Barry Jenkins, 2019, United States] The kind that even though you are hopeful, you know from the start that it's going to be tough. 8/10

Sovdargari (The Trader) [Tamta Gabrichidze, 2018, Georgia] Emotionally intense depiction of rural poverty. 7.5/10

The Two Popes [Fernando Mereilles, 2019, UK, US, Italy, Argentina] Features two outstanding performances that redeemed it from all its dragging moments. 7.5/10

Black Panther [Ryan Coogler, 2018, United States] Oozing with unusual but likable characters. 7.5/10

A Land Imagined [Chris Yeo, 2018, Singapore, France, Netherlands] An unsettling noir mystery that questions people's notion of truth.

My Days of Mercy [Tali Shalom Ezer, 2019, United States] There is a bewitching chemistry between the two leads despite the coldness of it all. 7.5/10

Contratiempo (The Invisible Guest) [Oriol Paulo, 2017, Spain] offers an outstanding and enjoyable thrilling ride. 7.5/10

Giant Little Ones [Keith Berhman, 2019, United States] An honest road to knowing your own self in the eyes of a boy transitioning to adolescence. 7.5/10

Never Not Love You [Antoinette Jadaone, 2018, Philippines] Beautifully and realistically written. It’s just really hard for me to like Reid’s character. 7.5/10

Kaptn Oskar [Tom Lass, 2013, Germany] Only basic virtue - it is a beautiful film. Not only for its comfort. But for the old poetry of dust emotions. 7.5/10

Furie [Le Van Kiet, 2019, Vietnam] With great performance and thrilling choreography, Furie is one of the best action films of 2019. 7.5/10

The Awakening of Motti Wolkenbrunch [Michael Steiner, 2019, Switzerland, Germany] A funny glimpse at a life of an Orthodox Jewish man with a chemistry that gives you a hopeful ending. 7.5/10

Gerald's Game [Mike Flanagan, 2017, United States] Meticulously-directed, it is an outstanding adaptation of Stephen King's novel. 7.5/10

UnTrue [Sigrid Andrea Bernardo, 2019, Philippines] to put it simply, UnTrue is a thrilling rollercoaster ride. 7/10

Pailalim [Daniel Palacio, 2017, Philippines]

Dear Ex [Chih-Yen Hsu, 2018, Taiwan] Features odd but genuine kind of love. It is funny, heartfelt, and charming all at the same time. 7/10

First They Killed my Father [Angelina Jolie, 2017, United States, Cambodia] sincerely and sensitively paints a portrait of a country's tragic history. 7/10

4 Latas [Gerardo Olivares, 2019, Spain] For all its nonsense, I enjoyed it. 7/10

Green Book [Peter Farrelly, 2018, United States] Flawed yet entertaining -- not sure if it's good or bad though. 6.5/10

Pihu [Kapri Vinod, 2018, India] Heartbreaking torture. Although I feel like it could have ended better. 6.5/10

Lionheart [Genevieve Nnaji, 2018, Nigeria] Although everything here felt familiar, there's charm that makes this film an enjoyable one. 6.5/10

Unbreakable

Triple Frontier [JC Chandor, 2019, United States] I have a problem with its exploitation of violence. I have a bigger problem for liking it. 6.5/10

28 Weeks Later

Iska [Theodore Boborol, 2019, Philippines] I find a lot of things problematic and some choices uncharacteristic but it is worth a watch. 7/10

Searching

Period. End of Sentence

Battle

Oversized Cops

Floating [Julia Kaiser, 2015, Germany]

The Bar

Ang Babae sa Septic Tank 3

Mga Mister ni Rosario [Alpha Habon, 2018, Philippines]

Misteryo dela Noche

Of Love and Other Demons

Tanabata’s Wife

26 Years [Geun Hyeon-Jo, 2012, South Korea] Yet another thrilling revenge story from the country who does it best. 7/10

Mga Batang Poz

Aurora

Becks

Mowgli: Legends of the Jungle

Cargo

Neomanila

47 Metres Down

The Feels

Dead Kids [Mikhail Red, 2019, Philippines] Is probably my least favourite Mikhail Red movie. Overrated in every sense. 7/10

Fyre: The Greatest Party that Never Happened

Svaha: The Sixth Finger

Flavors of Youth

Miss Granny

Unicorn Store

Captain Marvel

Polar

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch [David Slade, 2018, Untied States] Liking a film is always about the experience and while Bandersnatch offers another take on the medium, it is somewhat a less impactful experience as expected. 7/10

Open [Andoy Ranay, 2019, Philippines]

Psychokinesis [Yeon Sang-ho, 2018, South Korea] Nothing much to offer but a good Sunday watch with the family. 6.5/10

Elise [John Ferrer, 2019, Philippines] I’m sorry, I don’t understand the hype. 6/10 fpihu

Novitiate

A Tiger in Winter

Suddenly 20

Eli [Ciaran Foy, 2019, United States]

Remastered: Devil at the Crossroads’

Alipato: Ka Luis Taruc Story

The Tenants Downstairs

Hotel Mumbai

Muerte en Buenos Aires

How to Get Over a Break Up

Buried

Never Tear Us Apart

A Simple Favor

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral

Rainbow’s Sunset

Malamaya

Boy Erased

Still Human

Coach Carter

The Perfect Date

In the Tall Grass [Vincenzo Natali, 2019, United States] Fun at first until it gets dragging. Really dragging. 5/10

Bohemian Rhapsody

Metro Manila [Sean Ellis, 2014, United Kingdom] I know it's not right to say I've seen better, but yes, I've seen better. 6.5/10

Mr and Mrs Cruz

Pet Semetary

When Angels Sleep

Belle Douleur

Children of the River

Maria

The First Purge

Liberated: New Sexual Revolution

Toc Toc

Four Minutes

Mama

7 [Nizar Shafi, 2019, India]

Vine Country

Isn't it Romantic?

The Nun

Pandanggo sa Hukay

The Silence

KL Zombi [MJ Woo, 2013, Malaysia] A "horror" for a good laugh.

An1 (The Harvest)

Girls With Balls [Olivier Afonso, 2019, France] I don't have the balls to sit through this movie. 2/10

The Roommate [Christian Christeansen, 2011, United States] BLAH 1/10

Tabon [Xian Lim, 2019, Philippines] is one of the worst movies of the year. Nuf said. 0/10

#movies #cinema #film #films

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sunflowerseedsandscience · 6 years

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D’Un Nouvel Oeil: Chapter Three

Previous Chapters: One | Two

ORADOUR-SUR-GLANE, HAUTE-VIENNE, FRANCE LATE DECEMBER 1943

"Champagne? Are you serious?"

"Come on, Frohike. I'll pay. How much?"

"It's not a question of price, my dear."

"Don't call me what. What is it a question of, then?" From his perch at her dining room table, Melvin Frohike heaves an exasperated sigh.

"There's none to be had, Dana," he says. "What little there was has been confiscated by German officers. If anyone, anywhere has some left, they're keeping it for themselves." He frowns at her inquisitively. "What do you need it to trade for? Maybe we can help."

"I don't need it to trade for anything, Frohike," says Scully. "It's for personal use. For New Year's."

"Ahhhhh, I see," says Frohike, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Entertaining a gentleman caller, are we?"

"It's none of our business, Frohike," says John Byers, frowning disapprovingly down at his friend. "We can't get champagne. That's all she's asked for." Frohike rolls his eyes, and Byers turns to Scully. "Is there anything else you need? Anything you're short on?"

"Bandages," Scully says. "Iodine... and antibiotics. I need a place to get all of those things, other than the pharmacy in the village. The pharmacist is starting to ask questions."

"We'll see what we can find," says Frohike. "Bandages shouldn't be a problem."

"Iodine, either," chimes in Richard Langly, from his lookout at the window. "Antibiotics, though... that's a tough one."

"They're necessary," counters Scully. "Without them, I'll only be sending refugees out of here to die before they can get where you're taking them. They'll be sicker, more difficult for you to transport. It'll be much more dangerous."

"Is there anyone you can send to the pharmacy in your stead?" asks Byers.

"I already send my mother sometimes," Scully says.

"What about your contact in the German army?" asks Langly, but Scully shakes her head.

"He's too high-ranking," she says. She thinks, suddenly, of Mulder. Could she give him money and ask him to buy what she needs at the pharmacy from time to time, as a favor? Claim she's too busy to get there herself?

No, she's not comfortable with lying to him outright, with using him like that.

"I'll think of something," she says, finally. "In the meantime, see what you can do, all right?"

"And I'll keep my ear to the ground for your champagne," promises Frohike, standing, "but I can tell you right now it's not going to happen." He looks apologetic. "I wish I could tell you otherwise."

"I appreciate you trying," she says, as she rises to escort them back downstairs. "Three o'clock Wednesday morning. All three of you. All right?"

"Got it," says Frohike. "Any idea what shape the next one's going to be in?"

"No, and that's why I need all of you," says Scully. "My contact only knows he's hurt. Nothing about the extent of his injuries."

"So it could be a body we're carrying out of here by the time we arrive, for all we know," sighs Langly.

"Which is exactly why I need new ways to get those antibiotics," says Scully. "Now get moving."

---------------------

At the start of December, Scully would never have described her evenings as "lonely." Solitary, yes, but she'd had things to occupy her time, once the cafe had been closed for the evening.

It's amazing, though, how quickly she'd become accustomed to spending every evening with Mulder. The silence in the kitchen seems strange now, somehow, as she goes about her business, washing dishes, kneading bread dough, settling her accounts, tallying up the day's earnings and stashing them away. It's true that she'd still been alone while doing these tasks for the past two weeks, but then, she'd been rushing through them after hours spent out in the dining room, talking, and there had been far less time to ponder her solitude.

Scully has been trying very hard to remind herself that, however much she might be enjoying whatever is developing between Mulder and herself, it's destined to be temporary. His regiment is the fourth to be stationed in Oradour-Sur-Glane since the beginning of the occupation, and they've already stayed longer than the three units before them. Sooner or later, they'll be relocated... or, in the event of an Allied victory, they'll be forcibly expelled. Chances are, at some point, they'll be needed for an engagement elsewhere, and for all she knows, they could all end up killed.

She tries not to dwell on the last possibility... but still, it is a possibility. And one way or another, the fact remains that she cannot afford to get attached. Her dismay at suddenly being alone each evening has served to reinforce that simple fact.

She can enjoy Mulder's company, certainly- their conversations are the high point of her day. And she recognizes that, whatever the Church and her mother might claim, women have many of the same needs for companionship and comfort that men do, and she sees nothing wrong with her and Mulder fulfilling those needs for each other. But to look at it as anything more than a temporary arrangement? Madness.

The trouble is... she has a very hard time remembering any of that when she's actually in his presence. Even more troubling is the fact that his demeanor says, all too clearly, that he is entertaining very few of the same doubts that she is. His eyes speak volumes every time he looks at her, and she has very little trouble imagining what's going on behind them.

Scully has had men in love with her before- or, at least, she's had men who have fancied themselves in love with her. She's had two lovers, since coming home to care for her mother five years ago. One had been a hired hand on her mother's farm, who had been conscripted into the French army at the start of the war. The other had been a British soldier, stationed nearby on his way to the front. Both had professed that they had been smitten- though, in the case of the soldier, she's relatively certain it had been a case of heightened emotion in the face of danger, the romantic notion that he ought to be leaving behind a girl worth fighting for.

She had been fond of both of them. Nothing more.

She'd felt something more for Sebastien, the professor with whom she had carried on an affair for most of her third year of medical school, and she'd thought, then, that it had been love... but when her regard for him had shriveled so quickly and so completely in the face of his insistence that, were they to marry, she could not continue her studies, she had been forced to admit that it had been simple infatuation. She's certain that, had she truly been in love with him, the end of their relationship would have hurt her. Instead, it had come as a relief.

Mulder, though... Mulder is somehow different.

It could be that he's not intimidated by her intellect, which is a fairly new experience for her. During her time in Paris, she had often been advised, by older women nearing the completion of their degrees, that it was wise for a woman not to flaunt her intelligence, lest she make the men pursuing her feel inferior. Since Scully had refused to do this, her gentlemen callers had been few and far between. But Mulder has made it clear that, to him, her mind is part of the attraction, not something that takes away from it.

It could also be that she senses the hurt in him, the unhappiness and helplessness in the face of what he sees as an un-winnable situation. He doesn't want to be in the army, doesn't want to have a hand in any of the horrors he sees happening around him, but he doesn't see a way out, so he simply allows it to eat at him.

One way or another, Scully spends most of her time alone reminding herself of the many, many reasons why she cannot afford to get attached, why she must not, above all else, allow herself to fall in love... only to have it all fall to pieces the moment she's actually in Mulder's presence once again.

Tonight, though... tonight, she has other things she needs to focus on. At some point between ten and eleven o'clock, Walther Skinner will be making his way to the church, where he will be retrieving an injured British airman and, with the help of the priest, delivering him to the back door of the cafe shortly before midnight. Scully is to see to the man's injuries and keep him in her flat until three o'clock in the morning, at which point Frohike and company will arrive and sneak him out of town under the cover of darkness to hand him off to one of their contacts traveling south.

Scully prepares her flat to receive her patient. She amasses her medical supplies, not knowing for certain which she'll need, and puts a pillow and blanket on the sofa, so the man can rest for a bit, once he's been treated. She makes sandwiches, some to eat here and some to take along, since meals are never guaranteed during the journey. She pours a glass of water, and brings out the whiskey, which is frequently the only thing she has to dull the pain, should it be necessary. When she's finished, she goes downstairs, to the kitchen, to keep watch at the back window.

It's not long after eleven-thirty when she sees two figures staggering along the alleyway behind the buildings. She opens the door as they draw near, and Walther Skinner staggers slowly inside with the airman, who is thankfully much smaller than he is, leaning heavily on his shoulder. Scully shuts the door quietly behind them and locks it.

"I told the priest to stay behind," says Skinner. "No sense in him having to hide out in town all night when I could get us here without him." Scully nods in agreement. Father Clemence is an invaluable resource with connections to priests working for the Resistance all over the country, but caught outside after curfew, he would be in just as much danger as any other French citizen.

"Can you get him upstairs?" asks Scully. She'll treat him down here if she has to, but he'll be more comfortable in her flat. Skinner nods and steers the man to the staircase, Scully following closely behind.

Once the airman is settled on the sofa, Skinner collapses into an armchair, exhausted. Scully pulls up her stool and sits by his head.

"What's your name?" she asks the airman, in English. He opens his eyes and looks at her, surprised.

"American?" he asks. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm a French citizen," Scully says. "My father was American. Can you tell me your name?"

"Joe," the man says. "Joseph McGovern."

"Joe, I'm going to do what I can to help you," Scully says in her best calm, soothing voice, "and then I want you to rest for a bit until our contacts arrive to move you. All right?" The weary soldier nods, and Scully gets to work.

Seventeen stitches across the abdomen later, with Scully and Skinner both worn out from holding the man down and working quickly, Joseph McGovern lies trembling on the sofa, covered with a blanket Scully has draped over him.

"Joe, close your eyes for a bit and try to sleep," Scully says, wiping sweat from his face with a clean rag. "You're safe here. I'll wake you when it's time for you to move on." He nods, too worn out to speak, and closes his eyes. Scully stands and motions wordlessly for Skinner to follow her out of the room. She takes the bottle of whiskey with her.

In her bedroom, with the door closed behind them to keep the light and their voices from disturbing the man on the sofa, Scully sinks down to sit on the edge of her mattress with a sigh. She takes a generous swig of whiskey straight from the bottle, then offers it to Skinner, who does the same, casting his hat onto her nightstand before sitting beside her.

"Are you all right?" he asks. She nods.

"If I just had something to knock them out while I work on them," she says, "this would be far easier." She motions for the bottle, which Skinner gives her, and she takes another swallow. "But even if I did... it wouldn't be safe to give them, not really, not when they might have to be moved again at a moment's notice." She looks up at him. "There's no good way to go about this. Not really."

"You're doing the best you can, Dana," Skinner reassures her, rubbing her shoulder. "You working on them might not be pleasant in the moment, but it's saving their lives."

"How long, though?" she asks. "I told my Dutch Paris contacts today that I need a new way to get antibiotics, but they don't know if they can pull that off or not. And I can't keep getting them from the village pharmacist."

"We'll think of something," Skinner promises.

"And how long before your unit is ordered to relocate?" Scully asks. "Allied invasion could happen at any time. Everyone knows it. What happens when you're told to move along?" She shakes her head. "Eventually, this is all going to fall apart."

"Dana," says Skinner, "no one's asking you to keep this going forever. At some point things are going to change, for better or worse. One way or another there are going to be fewer refugees as time goes on, either because whoever can escape will already have done so, or because no one else can. And when the Allies do invade, Germany's focus will be on them, not on people sneaking through the countryside. Invasion will send all sorts of people fleeing in all different directions. It may actually be easier to move people then than it is now."

"But I have no guarantee you'll be here to help," says Scully, and something shifts in Skinner's gaze, something that sets off alarm bells in Scully's head. She realizes, too late, that she's likely said the wrong thing- or, at least, phrased it the wrong way.

It's confirmed when Skinner moves his hand from her shoulder to her cheek. Scully stops breathing all together as he caresses her gently.

"I'm doing everything I can to make sure I'm not going anywhere, Dana," he says softly.

She thinks about it. She does. She entertains the idea... for two, maybe three seconds. And then she takes Skinner's hand and removes it gently from her cheek. She gives it a squeeze and places it carefully on the mattress between them.

"That's good, Walther," she says, taking her own hand back. She stands and carefully places the whiskey bottle atop a chest of drawers, then turns back to him. "Because if I'm going to keep on doing this, I'm going to need your help as long as possible." Skinner presses his lips together in a thin line and closes his eyes briefly. When he looks back at her, he's resigned.

"Obersoldat Mulder will be finished with his nighttime guard rotation after Thursday," he says, standing.

"Yes, he's told me," says Scully. Skinner nods.

"So presumably your evenings will be spoken for once again." She could deny it, but there's no use.

"Yes, I think it's safe to say that," she replies, and Skinner nods again. He retrieves his hat from her nightstand and puts it back on.

"You should try to get yourself some champagne," he suggests. "For New Year's." Scully relaxes, smiling.

"I've tried," she admits. "But I'm told it can't be had, not for any price." Skinner purses his lips thoughtfully.

"Give me a day or so," he says. "I'll see what I can do." Scully smiles and crosses the room to him. She embraces him once, briefly, and kisses his cheek.

"I appreciate it, Walther," she says sincerely. "Thank you."

--------------------

"Will you still be on guard duty Friday night?" Scully asks Mulder as they stand side-by-side at her kitchen sink. He'd completely taken her by surprise, moments ago, by abandoning his table in the dining room to rush back here and help her with the dishes that have been piling up all day. She'd protested, but he hadn't been deterred.

"No, Thursday will be the last night," Mulder replies, smiling down at her. "I'll be a free man on Friday. Which reminds me-"

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" Scully forges ahead with the question she's been building herself up to all week. But before she has the chance to get even the slightest bit nervous, she's suddenly doused with dishwater as the bowl Mulder is washing slips from his hand and splashes back down into the sink.

"I'm so sorry!" Mulder's face goes red with embarrassment, but Scully laughs, grateful for the break in the tension. She wipes her face with a dishtowel... then, after a moment's hesitation, she raises herself to her toes, leaning against him slightly, and wipes his face off, as well, sending it into an even deeper shade of red.

"No harm done," she says.

"You want to have dinner with me?" he asks. "On New Year's Eve?"

"I'll be closing the cafe at six," she explains. "I thought you could come by at eight. Would that be all right?" She wonders, again, if he'll think her too forward, but his smile is answer enough.

"I would love to, Scully," he says. She feels warm all over, and it crosses her mind that now would be a perfectly natural time to try and kiss him again, while they're alone back here... but before she gets the chance, the bell on the front counter sounds, and, with a regretful look at Mulder, she runs back out front.

If something doesn't happen on New Year's Eve, she is going to slowly but surely go insane.

-------------------

Scully doesn't manage to figure out how to get her hands on any champagne, but she does manage to procure a leg of lamb from the butcher next door. As soon as the cafe is closed, she heads upstairs and begins to prepare it, removing all but the largest shin bone and using a sharp knife to cut deep slits in the meat. She stuffs these with cloves of garlic and sprigs of rosemary, and rubs the entire thing down with butter, salt, and pepper. She cuts potatoes into thin slices and layers them at the bottom of a deep pan, balances the lamb on a rack above it, and puts the entire dish into the oven to roast. Soon, her entire flat is suffused with a heavenly aroma. She sets vegetables over the stove top to boil and removes the cherry pie she'd bakes yesterday from the cupboard, then goes to change her clothing and get ready.

In her bedroom, Scully selects the most daring, most revealing dress she owns- which is not, sadly, all that revealing. It shows more, certainly, than her customary work skirts and blouses, but perhaps not quite as much as she would like. What she wants, if she's being honest with herself, is to drive Mulder absolutely mad with desire, to make it impossible for him to resist her.

She flushes with a tingling heat as a vision invades her mind: Mulder, seated on her living room sofa, with her astride him, her carefully-chosen dress rucked up around her hips, Mulder hot and hard and thick between her thighs... she shudders and banishes the image. For the time being, at least. It's not likely to happen tonight; she very much doubts that Mulder is ready.

She carefully styles her hair, applies a bit of makeup (for once grateful to Melissa for insisting that she learn at least a little bit about what Scully had once termed "ridiculous face-painting"), and dabs perfume at her wrists and neck. She removes the finished lamb from the oven, drains the vegetables and coats them in butter, and when everything is out on the table, she goes downstairs to wait for Mulder.

If, some day in the future, Scully ever finds herself feeling down, feeling unattractive for any reason, she thinks she'll be able to remember Mulder's face the moment he sees her in the cafe window, and she'll never be able to feel anything but beautiful again. He quite literally stops in his tracks, right in the middle of the road, and when he finally coaxes himself into moving again, he walks like a man unsure of whether or not he's dreaming. She opens the door to let him in, and he stands stock-still in the doorway, gazing down at her.

"Wow," he breathes, and she just barely keeps herself from chuckling at his punch-drunk expression as she takes his hand and brings him inside, shutting and locking the door behind him. When she turns back to him, he's withdrawing a bottle from within his overcoat, and he face lights up when she sees what it is.

"Where did you manage to find this?" she asks, taking the bottle of champagne from him. "I wanted to get us some, but it was impossible."

"It was a gift from Hauptmann Skinner," says Mulder. "He instructed me to share it with you." For a moment, Scully is afraid she's going to get choked up. Most men, she's certain, even if they had not been offended by a woman turning down their romantic advances, no matter how gently, would not have gone so far as to assist a rival in wooing her. Walther Skinner is a man in a thousand.

They dig into their holiday feast with gusto, Mulder complimenting Scully repeatedly on her cooking, as they make their way slowly through Skinner's bottle of champagne.

"How did your family celebrate the New Year when you were a child?" he asks her.

"When my father was alive, he liked to take us down to the docks," Scully says, "or to the beach. Sometimes there would be fireworks, and there would always be stands selling ice cream, right up until midnight." She smiles. "Somehow or other, ice cream at eleven o'clock at night always tasted better than ice cream in the middle of the day." Mulder chuckles and nods, understanding. "After he'd passed away and we moved back here, we always spent the New Year quietly, with our neighbors in their homes." She shrugs. "It didn't seem right, especially at first, to have such a loud celebration when Papa wasn't around to enjoy it with us."

"I wish I could have met him," says Mulder, and then grimaces. "Maybe out of uniform, though." Scully smiles.

"Out of uniform, I think he would have liked you," she says sincerely, and then, to change the subject, she asks, "How about you? How did your family celebrate New Year's?" Immediately she regrets asking when his face sobers. She curses herself for forgetting: he doesn't like to talk about his family. Still, though, he answers.

"My father always went out for the evening with his partners at his firm," Mulder says. "My mother... preferred to celebrate alone. Samantha and I usually just took advantage of the opportunity to stay up extra-late without any parental supervision." He takes a thoughtful drink of his champagne. "Not that we had a good deal of it the other three-hundred and sixty-four days of the year." He shakes his head as though clearing away the unpleasant memories. "When I was at Oxford, though, my friends and I always made a big night of it." He ducks his head, embarrassed. "My first year, I let being away from my parents go to my head and I drank rather more than what could be considered reasonable, even for New Year's Eve." Scully laughs. "My friends thought it would be amusing to goad me into flirting with a woman sitting in the corner of the pub where we were drinking, and I did... and later found out that she was the wife of one of my professors." Scully laughs so hard that she nearly chokes on her champagne.

When they've finished eating and have cleared the dishes (Scully insists she'll wash them later; she doesn't want to waste a single second on things she can do any time), they retire to the parlor, where Scully coaxes Mulder to sit beside her on the sofa. He's adorably timid, which only reinforces her earlier notion that he is not ready for the fantasy she had envisioned earlier, while getting dressed. She wonders to herself: what is he ready for?

"Is something wrong?" he asks her, and she realizes she probably looks troubled.

"No, of course not," she says. "I'm just...." She bites her lower lip thoughtfully. "I want to suggest something, but I'm not sure how you'll take it." Mulder's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Nothing like that!" she reassures him. "No, I... well, I know you're not in the army by your own choice, and I know from what you've told me that you have no real love for Hitler... but...." She glances at the radio she had brought over from her mother's some time back. "Mulder, what are your thoughts on music and dancing?" He smiles, pleased.

"I'm quite fond of both," he says, and Scully relaxes.

"I know there are kinds of music that Hitler has forbidden," she says. "Am I safe in assuming you think as much of that as you do of the rest of his policies?"

"Very safe," he says. She smiles.

"All right, then," she says, and she stands, crossing to the radio. She scans through the available stations, holding her breath, hoping... and then, clear as a bell, the clarinet solo of Artie Shaw's "Begin the Beguine" fills the little room. "I don't know where they're broadcasting from, and sometimes they'll go quiet for days at a time," she says, turning back to Mulder, "but this station plays the most wonderful music." She places her champagne flute on the end table and holds out her hand to him.

"Mulder, will you dance with me?" Mulder beams, and she feels a thrilling rush of pleasure that in moments, she'll finally be in his arms. He puts down his own glass and stands, taking her hand.

"Scully, there's nothing I'd like more."

The song isn't as slow as Scully would like, but still, she's closer to Mulder than she's been yet, and it feels sublime. He's not a bad dancer, moving her around what little space they have between the sofa and the armchairs, twirling her around, making her giggle- something she hasn't done in... she can't even remember when. Certainly not since the last time Melissa had been home.

She's enjoying herself, certainly, but she's more than ready to get closer... so when the song ends and "Moonlight Serenade" begins to play, she takes it as a sign. Scully looks up at him, and his beautiful hazel eyes fix on hers. They're asking a question, waiting, as always, for her to tell him what she's ready for. She doesn't think he's quite prepared for the honest answer to that question, so she settles for stepping closer and laying her head against his shoulder, sliding her arm as tightly around his neck as she can and curling her other hand, the one holding his, against his chest.

She can hear his heart speed up where her ear is pressed against him, and, taking a deep, shuddering breath, he rests his cheek against the top of her head. They sway softly, slowly... and as much as Scully has been yearning for more than this, craving it, even, she suddenly wishes she could stop time and stay like this with him forever.

Temporary, the panicking voice in the back of her head screams at her. This is only temporary, can only ever be temporary... but for once, she silences her rational side, choosing instead to snuggle closer to him. As they make another slow rotation of the room, the clock above the fireplace comes back into her view.

"Mulder, look," she says softly, lifting her head from his chest and pointing at the clock. The minute hand is poised to strike midnight. Scully watches Mulder watching the clock as it begins to chime, and when he looks back down at her, she knows there's no way he can possibly miss the expectant look in her eyes. Slowly, he lowers his head until their lips are touching softly.

Well, this won't do at all, Scully thinks to herself, and without a second's hesitation, she presses herself tightly against him, taking his head in her hands and pulling his entire body flush against hers. She parts her lips, and at the first touch of her tongue, he inhales sharply through his nose and tightens his hold on her, practically lifting her into the air in his enthusiasm.

It's the first time she's seen fireworks at New Years in a very, very long time.

The kiss goes on and on, and when it finally ends it's because they're both out of breath and unable to keep going- at least not just yet. Mulder takes a moment to gather himself together before he regains his power of speech. He leans his forehead against hers, breathing hard.

"Happy New Year, Scully," he says finally, and she smiles, winding her fingers into the hair at the back of his head.

"Happy New Year, Mulder."

Next Chapter >

#My Fic

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privatejetcharters · 3 years

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hell-heron · 7 years

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I finally watched the italian 2013 Romeo and Juliet miniseries with Alessandra Mastronardi and honestly I hate everything about it but specifically:

- i LOVE Alessandra and she was my childhood but she’s too old for this. Romeo also is too old for this - they went for a more mature angle and I hate it. And Elena Sofia Ricci is too young to be the Nurse (but very done and funny, also she and Alessandra played mother and daughter in the past so they have a chemistry that makes me cry) Also why is it set in the snowy mountains somewhere in Trentino, what’s this, and mostly, if we’re so keen on changing setting and stuff, why did no one in this wretched boot made it in a 19th century setting with pro unity folks VS austrian loyalists

- There’s also Ken Duken (Anatole in War and peace 2007) as Mercutio, it’s not a criticism because he’s lovely and good at it and an adorable little shit. But it severely weirds me out. Also HE is the sensible one and Romeo the one who has the idea of sneaking to the ball???

- Apparently Juliet has an older sister, Ursula who is betrothed with Paris and hella jealous and catty that Paris loves Juliet instead (?) so she told tales on her and Romeo. Romeo has a younger brother, Antonio, instead of Benvolio (insert appropriate wailing for this tragic loss) who is a violent little shit

- I liked that Juliet’s first line was “I’m stronger than you think”. I liked less that the first scene is literally ROMEO&CO SETTING THE CAPULET’S CARRIAGE ON FIRE wtf and Romeo saves her from rape like in the worst trash action movies. He also kills a man immediately which imho ruins all the impact of him killing Tybalt but okay I guess we all hate innocence and men showing emotion here. Apparently Romeo used to believe in Revenge but Juliet changed him? Ugh

- They made Tybalt in love with Juliet AND southern (or at least it seems to me it’s implied by some lines, I don’t know if the actor is southern too) Such an hot take! What a fresh and interesting casting for the literal embodiement of jealousy and murder!! Really the proper message in a story which is supposed to be against prejudice and domestic conflict! (he was a pretty and badass guy though, so it’s forgiven).

- There’s a dynamic that Lord Capulet promised him he’d marry Juliet, but actually he has no intention whatsoever to give her to him and just uses it as an excuse to criticize him and say he’s not worthy, also the family fortune is in shambles and there’s a more wealthy suitor and the family’s wellbeing is more important than Tybalt’s even thought he always sacrificed himself for the family - man this is even more Nikolai\Sonya than it usually is. Marriage shit otherwise, they could be a very sweet brotp and she calls him “like a brother to me” a lot, so fuck you for ruining this with this romantic nonsense I guess.

- Lady Capulet is so shrewd and political and dominates her husband and I love her, she’s my only joy here. That and the Capulets having cats swarming everywhere.

- Oh and one part I like is when they do some adorable love\hate roleplay and make under a stage where a bad Midsummer production is taking place

- OHHHH WAIT Mercutio turned out to be on the verge to poison himself for his long lost love which WHAT that really did came out of nowhere. If they had any chemistry here, I might choose to think it’s about Tybalt but it’s not worth it with what little they interact. Oh I might think it’s an hypotetical dead Benvolio, but it seems this person dumped him rather than dying, and I don’t see Benvolio dumping him

- Now Tybalt, who apparently thinks he is in Assassin’s creed, is climbing over the Montague castle walls and setting fire to the barn. Classic. Oh and Romeo saved Juliet from rape AGAIN

- Oh the wedding happened - not much to say about it. Now Tybalt and Juliet are making out. Well he’s kissing her, she isn’t enthusiastic. Sweet. Also “I can’t compete with powerful Paris or handsome Romeo. Come on, say it, I’m just the orphan cousin” MAN. I’m marginally happy, tho, because if he’s an orphan he’s not the son of the uncle from the South, so my suspicion there was the usual prejudice about Southern people and violent jealousy here was off

- “We’ll make up new words to say what words can’t say.” “For example?” “I love you, Juliet Capulet” I’m pretty sure these words already exist.

- Oh Ursula wants to run away, I wish I had some sympathy for her but she’s been a bitch this whole time. Ohh Juliet told her “Can’t you understand neither of us has a choice” poor girl. ...but why is literally no one in this family doing anything about their daughter running away from home in plain sight except Lady Capulet looking a bit upset? This is fully preventable??

- Mercutio is drunk and having knives trown at him on a bet. Also, he’s said to be metaphorically in love with death instead of life, which is beyond bad but he’s still the best character here. Also confirmation that what happened to him is that the woman he loved married someone else. I didn’t need this. OHHHH Romeo took his potion vial an helpful tool that will be useful later...

- Apparently the Bad Thing happens on Christmas day, literally an hour before Romeo and Juliet were supposed to announce their wedding and fix everything :( oh and we got literally 5 seconds of Mercutio and Juliet bonding at mass, I liked that

- Ken Duken Is Deeply Stressed By His Man Crush’s Dueling Endeavors, A Rai Production

- “I played with death, now death plays me” oh Mercutio this made me sad :( they did the unintentional stabbing but it’s a bit weirdly since Tybalt seemed pretty serious about dueling with Mercutio, not like in 1968 where they looked like 13 year olds playing at pro wrestlers. But Lord Capulet didn’t believe him and beat the shit out of him and said he “won’t cover for him this time” which is fucking rich since it’s said all Tybalt did until now it was because his uncle ordered him and just now he gets mad becaus it makes the family look bad. OH HE KICKED HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE TOO WHAT THE HELL. Literally compelled 3 children out of 3 to quit the family, what the fuck’s wrong with this guy

- Yeah, they didn’t make Romeo kill Tybalt immediately but rather go look for him at his own house, which... looks bad, since it’s more sympatethic if it’s a moment of madness, he really isn’t a premeditated vengeance guy. To make up for it, now his entire family is bullying him into Revenge and calling him a coward. Can I file for adoption of all this guys much older than me?

- AAAAAGH now Juliet is begging Romeo not to kill Tybalt and he gave her back the wedding ring and said her love made him weak and I suddenly hate this again why why why. And she was already sad for Mercutio who she knew five minutes, now she’s getting much worse, she deserves better than this. Oh, Tybalt is fighting with a longsword in each hand because why fucking not, and it was decided Juliet has to witness the fight because WHY FUCKING NOT. And we’re giving the violent Montague baby brother Benvolio’s role because WHY FUCKING NOT.

- Romeo improved a bit in the post duel part, at least he seems a bit more vulnerable. He snapped at his mom and gave up his family name but that’s understandable since, again, it’s them who pushed him to kill. I may be relating to him a little because I, too, never made any fucking decision on my own and then bitch when it turns out bad

- Paris is a fucking sleezeball iwth no respect for people’s mourning, the Capulets can’t stop scheming even at the funeral and apparently beat the shit out of 2\3 of their children, and Juliet fucking forgave the guy already? The only good people left here are Friar Lawrence and the nurse. I felt really bad because she got bullied by Lady Capulet so much, and he calls Romeo out on his bullshit so well

- Okay, I warmed up to Romeo and Juliet again when they started fantastizing about four children and family Christmas dinners where everyone argues

- Ok the whole ending was actually pretty good and sad, especially all the family arguments. Alessandra was really good here. Also there was Ursula calling out Paris at Juliet’s funeral and I live for that

- OH AND THEY DID THE THING WHERE JULIET WAKES UP WHILE ROMEO DIES BECAUSE WE HATE JOY IN THIS COUNTRY and this lasts so long they have time to have a conversation and talk about peace and children and marble castles again and this took a bad turn

#romeo and juliet #romeo e giulietta #(it's a long post don't open it i have too many opinions)#okay this turned a bit entertaining in the end but still don't recommend #someone knows who started the trend of tybalt being in love with juliet so i can go back in time and kill them in the cradle?.#the only good thing to ever come out of it was the banger that is c'est le jour

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douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years

Text

HOW YOU BUY A STARTUP

When eminent visitors came to see us, we were a bit sheepish about the low production values. Obviously that's false: anything else people make can be well or badly designed; why should this be uniquely impossible for programming languages? The urge to look corporate—sleek, commanding, prudent, yet with just a touch of hubris on your well-cut sleeve—is an unexpected development in a time of business disgrace. In fact, they're lucky by comparison. And if they're driven to such empty forms of complaint, that means you're doing something rather than sitting around, which is the reason that high-tech areas only happen around universities. Scientists don't learn science by doing it. He's now considered the best of that period—and yet not do as good work, on an absolute scale, as you would if you were a specimen under their all-seeing microscope, and make it seem as if he saw it as a drawback of senility, many companies embrace it as a valuable source of tips—more like manning a mental health hotline. The European approach reflects the old idea that new things come from the margins? Sure, it can be interesting if it poses novel technical challenges.

The whole tone is bogus. Someone like Bill Gates can grow a company under him, but it's confusing intellectually. The most important way to not spend money is by not hiring people. But when I consider what it would take to reproduce Silicon Valley in Japan, because one of Silicon Valley's most distinctive features is immigration. It's probably because you have to find peers for yourself, you stop learning from this. They happily set to work proving theorems like the other mathematicians over in the math department had the job of replying to people who like unions, because it takes less time to serve founders than to micromanage them. But it will be a good time to start any company that competes by litigation rather than by making good products. But I didn't realize why. Doctors discovered that several of his arteries were over 90% blocked and 3 days later he had a quadruple bypass.

GMail. The monolithic, hierarchical companies of the mid 20th century are being replaced by networks of smaller companies. It sounded promising. It must once have been inhabited by someone fairly eccentric, because a they may be on the board of someone who will buy you, and if you love to hack you'll inevitably be working on projects of your own. And since success in a startup, than smart users. Let's start with the most basic question: will the future be better or worse it looks as if Europe will in a few decades speak a single language. Even a bad cook can make a difference. When I finished grad school in computer science I went to visit my family twice. I was a philosophy major in college. Not wanting to blow such a public commission, he'd play it safe and make the talk a list of n things. And though this feels stressful, it's one reason startups win.

This talk was written for an audience of investors. They're like dealers; they sell the stuff, but they haven't followed it to its conclusion. Up till a few years ago, writing essays was the ultimate insider's game. Google understands a few other things most Web companies still don't. Junior professors are fired by default after a few years ago, it turned out to vary a lot. Do you need a San Francisco? What fraction of the smart people who want to live where the smartest people and get them to come to your country.

If you're lucky you can get in three words. We never even considered that approach. But regardless of whether patents are in general a good thing, but slower. These problems aren't intrinsically difficult, just unfamiliar. I put the lower bound at 23 not because there's something that doesn't happen to your brain till then, but because it gives them more control. After all, as most VCs say, they're more interested in the people who create technology, and some may look quite different from universities. Young startups are fragile. That's the way to do that, you have to say actually is a list of n things is that we get on average only about 5-7% of a much larger number of neanderthals in suits. 7 billion, and the doctors figure out what's wrong. And I can see why political incorrectness would be a way to get to know good hackers. Getting money from an actual VC firm is a bigger deal than getting money from angels.

Universities and research labs—partly because talent is harder to judge, and partly because people pay for these things, so one doesn't need to rely on teaching or research funding to support oneself. Email was not designed to be used the way we now know something like our weight. Paris has the best eavesdropping I know. Although a lot of people to help them. What difference does it make how many others there are? A rounds are not determined by asking what would be best for the companies. You can't fight market forces forever. And if you're a quiet, law-abiding citizen most of the good people will be outsiders. Politics, like religion, is a concept known to nearly all makers: the day job. More people are the right sort of person who could get away with hiring thugs to beat up union leaders today, but if you're a technology company, their thoughts are your product. Microsoft's original plan was to make money, you tend to be in a place where you can win big by taking the bold approach to design, and having the same people both design and implement the product. Whatever you make will have to be some mechanism to prevent people from saying everything is important.

That's why oil paintings look so different from watercolors. The reason these conventions are more dangerous is that they can do original work. But we knew it was possible to start a startup today, there are only three places I'd consider doing it: on the Red Line near Central, Harvard, or Davis Squares Kendall is too sterile; in Palo Alto on University or California Aves; and in Berkeley immediately north or south of campus. They also wanted very much to get rich, startup founders will almost automatically fund and encourage new startups. Whatever you build, make it fast. In those days you could go public as a dogfood portal, so as a company. Even hackers can't tell. The conversations you overhear. It seemed possible to start a startup when they meet people who've done it. Maybe it would be between a boss and an employee. The difficulty of firing people is a drop in the bucket by immigration standards, but would apologize abjectly if there was any signal left.

But the problem is more than just deciding how to implement some spec. Outsiders don't have to content themselves anymore with a proxy audience of a few smart friends. Then I realized: maybe not. It's natural for US universities to compete with focus is to see what it's like in an existing business before you try running your own. And indeed, you can watch them learn by doing. Good PR firms use the same simple-minded model. They don't have time to work. One of the exhilarating things about coming back to Cambridge every spring is walking through the streets at dusk, when you can see into the houses. In the US things are more haphazard. At the time, were worth several million dollars. A real essay, as the name implies, is dynamic: you don't know very well, you can compete with delegation by working on larger vertical slices, you can manufacture them by taking any project usually done by multiple people and trying to do it, do it. It can get you factories for building things designed elsewhere.

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