#completely forgot to post this here yesterday oops!

[agiilao]

AsoBaroAso Week 2023 - Day 4 (Reaper) @asobaroweek

This is harvest time, taste the blood-red wine Of this gilded art, it is spilled from my own heart

[shesmore-shoebill]

Power move of: Angela going "You can't play." followed by the peak of the roast being: "I'm Josh and I'm an IDIOT!!! >:DD" Adorable :')

(also angela being able to sing and play various instruments never fails to be impressive)

[hanchandraws]

Can’t believe I forgot to post this here yesterday lmao <3

Happy (belated) birthday Gyrus <333

[dangaer]

happy halloween! felt like sharing an underappreciated amnesia treasure ♥

[jadetheblueartist]

Oops I forgot to post this yesterday but I didn’t completely forget

TMayNT Day Two: Favorite April

It’s gotta be Rise April :)

This is just a quick little sketch but she’s definitely my favorite. She’s just so fun <3

Here’s the challenge from @tmaynt

Masterpost

[i-cloudyink-i]

LEMONTOBER DAY 13: ALBUM/SONG CHARACTER [ DR. AMNESIA, BY @ledeecity !!!!!!!!!!!!!]

OKAY I ALREADY MADE THIS YESTERDAY BUT I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO POST IT HERE OOPS!

Fun fact I thought that this didn’t look cool at first but looking at it again it does look pretty gnarly

[laneynoir]

Hey I forgot to post this yesterday oops.

Bagginshield, very short <3

They won, but had they really? He doesn't know, he may never. The pain is intense, probably the worst he's ever had to experiance, and yet that seems dulled, numb, despite the lack of anesthetics.

He's partially aware of the elf standing over him, hair in all directions and blood smeared across their face, long elegant movements, tinged with desperation, as they poke and prod at the various punctures and slashes that cover his body. Once, he thinks, this would have discomforted him to no end, anger would have bubbled from his heart at the thought of some presumptuous, slender, tree loving creature. Now it seems that every fibre of his being is focused entirely on what he did. Every thought zeros in on what he's done, the crime against not only the law of his people and himself, but his creator as well.

How could he have? Every other thought during the sickness could be logically understood, for that is of course what illness of the mind is, starting out as small things, a selfish thought here, growing into an intense greed, driving the person into a space where everything seems to make such sense, and only an outside source can tell.

But when the soft body had been pressed against stone, and the throat of his one under him hand... He could not forgive himself. Ever.

He floats in and out, mostly out, of consciousness over the next week, he knows that he's being watched, wasting the time of healers who should be attending to better dwarrow, or even men. In his moments of lucidity he faces the constant torment of a pain that no medications will numb, and wishes that he had been done with on the ice, when he begged for the hobbit's forgiveness- a fine thing for a dieing man to ask, if a mite manipulative. It's easier to forgive a dead man than to live with him.

As if the Burglar would ever even draw near him now.

~

He doesn't care about you. Everyone saw that well enough when he tried to kill you, and for what? Shining rock? No. No love that is true would bend under something to trivial as sickness. You broke his trust and lost him compleatly.

He shakes his head, desperate to clear away the hissing voice that has become so common in his mind. The dwarf may not love him any more, if he ever had, but he had asked to part in friendship.

Ah yes. Friendships. And yet, he did say part didn't he. And asked you to return to your home, with its soft comforts... And yet here you stay, lingering around when you are of no use, what are you waiting for?

What is he waiting for? He's hardly been any help in the restoration attempts that are being made, and he hasn't been able to help much at all with the rations, (he's still living off of less than half of what a hoobit needs, stomach complaining and dizziness just refuse to stop.) And really there's not much he can do.

So what is he waiting for? Why can't he tear himself away, run home and leave those with competence to do what needs to be done? His role is over.

Over and done, run home little halfling.

Halfling? Yes. No. Perhaps? He's not enough really, so maybe he is half. And yet... His eyes dart to the cot where the crownless king lays as if dead. There was a time when he felt enough, his manners perfect and his ability to whip up a parties worth of food bested most hobbits in the Shire. But was he complete even then? No, not really.

You were happy in your Shire.

No he wasn't. Not since his mother died.

You would be happier there thank here.

Would he?

Yessss

But, his friends wouldn't be there, he would be alone again.

Oh, but you're already alone.

N-no.

Alone.  All alone. All al

He rips the ring from his finger, but he can't seem to throw it aside as he wishes. Hardly noticing, he tucks it into his pocket, tryibg to calm his breathing. He staggers over to the cot and slumps to his knees, gripping the cloth in a tight fist. He doesn't notice when tears begin to drip from his eyes.

~

He won't come back.

The thought stabs him over and overb never seeming to cease, always taunting. He had ome love and many chances to prive himself, yet he failed. More than failed. He wishes he had simply failed.

Now though, there was no conceivable way that his burglar would return, and draw near to his side, speaking in his odd accent of homes reclaimed. He doesn't even know if the Hobbit still live-

He shoots into an upright position, eyesight dazed and breath comeing in gasps. Had he survived? There was no way that the small creature had run off to try and help in the waining battle.

Oh, but that is just the sort of noble foolishness his hobbit would partake in. And his sister sons gone. How had he failed so miserably, to let those he loved most dearly die, the sobs come in choked silence, filling the air.

He doesn't feel the grip on his hand, but somewhere he hears an echoing voice, wild glazed eyes flit around the area (where is he?) Darkned tan hide makes up the walls, but the the voice is to close. At his side then, at last his blurry vision lands on a face he thought long gone.

"Bilbo?"

"I'm here, Thorin"

[earth2068]

COMPLETELY FORGOT TO POST THIS YESTERDAY- OOPS!

anyway, a new page is up! you can read it here!

read todays update to discover the owner of the Red Mystery Elbow

[actual-lea]

oops I meant to post this yesterday and completely forgot

AO3 | First chapter | Previous chapter

Daniel stares at the ceiling in stunned silence. The back of his head is throbbing, now, from hitting the floor, and the air has been forcibly knocked from his lungs and replaced by an uncomfortably heavy pressure on his chest. It doesn't hurt, exactly; at least, not yet.

He starts to lift his head but quickly drops it again with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut and placing a hand over his thudding heart. He's almost surprised to find his ribcage hasn't been caved in completely, that the bullet didn’t punch right through the vest, through fabric and skin and muscle and bone, that there isn't any blood soaking his clothes.

He opens his eyes to see Sayid standing over him, gun in hand, and adrenaline forces him to scramble away, as much as he can when every movement hurts like an ice pick to his chest. “Sayid,” he gasps out, pressing his back to the wall, “What are you–”

“Keep quiet and don't move,” Sayid orders in a low, deadly calm voice, and Dan falls into a terrified silence. “Do you know why I'm here?”

He blinks, his eyes locked onto the end of the gun. The attached suppressor isn’t there for intimidation; no, this is a weapon meant solely for killing.

“Do you know why I am here?” Sayid repeats, more forcefully, stepping closer and kicking aside the bag Daniel had dropped.

“N-no, no, I'm sorry, I don't, I'm–” He shakes his head. “I– I don't understand–”

“For a long time now, I've been tracking down the men who work for Charles Widmore,” Sayid says, and Dan's blood turns to ice. “These are bad men. Dangerous men. And so I've been finding them, and killing them. All of them.” A pause. “That’s why I’ve come to Los Angeles, to find the next man on my list.”

Daniel's pulse pounds in his ears and he shrinks back, holding out a hand. “Wait–”

“When your name came up, I thought it must be a mistake. After all, the last time I saw you, it was after you had nearly drowned trying to save a stranger's life.” Sayid kneels beside him. “I would like to believe that you’re a good person, Daniel Faraday. That you have a good reason for whatever you've done. And that's why I'm giving you a chance to convince me.”

“But you just–” Daniel's breath catches in his throat; he coughs, once, and nearly faints outright. “You shot me,” he wheezes, clutching his chest.

“But you're wearing a vest,” Sayid states, and he reaches forward to tug at the black fabric peeking out from beneath Dan's collar. “And so I haven't killed you.”

The unspoken yet hangs in the air between them, and Daniel shifts his weight with a wince. “How... How am I s'posed to convince–”

“You can start by telling me how long you've been on Widmore's payroll.”

He shakes his head. “It– It's not like that, I'm not–” Sayid shoots him a glare that silences him; he'll just stick to the basics, then. “It was a couple years ago, uh... October. 2005.”

Sayid's eyes flash. “When in October?”

“I don't...” He blinks back tears, panting a bit. “Um, the end, I think. What–” Then he realizes what he's being asked and shakes his head, horrified. “Sayid, you don't think I was involved with– with what happened to...”

“Nadia,” Sayid breathes. “Her name was Nadia.” There's a dangerous edge in his voice as he leans closer. “Were you?”

“No,” he replies, so forcefully that it hurts. “I swear to you, I had nothing to do with that. I wouldn't.”

After a long, long silence, broken only by Dan's shallow, shaky breathing, Sayid slowly nods. “So, what did you do for Widmore?”

Daniel swallows against the lump in his throat. “He...recruited me, to find his daughter. Penelope.”

“Find her?”

“After we left the island, he didn't know where she was, and...” He shifts his weight and winces again. “I guess, he thought she was in danger, somehow, so he made me track her down.”

“Why you?”

“Because...” He exhales. “He knew that Penny would be wherever Desmond was.”

“I'm not sure I understand.”

“Yeah. Me neither,” he says with something between a laugh and a groan. “Uh, Desmond is... I have a sort of... A connection, to him.”

“What do you mean, 'connection'?”

“It's– Well, it's a bit...complicated, to explain, but...” Dan clears his throat with a grimace. “Details aside, Widmore knew about it, and knew that I would be able to find him.”

“And it never occurred to you that this pretense of protecting his daughter might be a lie?” Sayid says with a frown. “That perhaps he was tying up loose ends, and that Desmond was the real target he was interested in?”

“No, it– It did occur to me, but I...” He swallows, and nods, squeezing his eyes shut. “It did, yeah.”

“And did you find them?”

“Yes.”

Sayid looks dismayed. “Why?”

“He didn't... Widmore didn't give me a choice,” Dan gasps, barely above a whisper.

“What did he offer you?”

“Nothing, he–” He bites back a curse as Sayid's hand twists in his collar, pulling him closer.

“Did he threaten you, then? Tell you that this was the only way to save your life?”

“N-no, it's not–”

“Then what is it?” He jabs the end of the gun into Dan's neck. “What was it that made you decide to help this man, that you knew to be dangerous?”

Daniel chokes on a sob. “Sayid, please–”

“What was it?”

“He threatened someone else,” he says in a rush, his voice breaking. “Someone that I– That isn't even involved in any of this, and if I don't do what he says, he'll...” He shakes his head. “God, I don't even know what he'll do, but it won't be good, and that's why I– I have to cooperate, because if I don't, if I run, if I try to do anything...”

Sayid stares at him in silence.

He's no longer speaking in past tense, he realizes suddenly. “He'll find me again,” he explains quietly. “Sooner or later.”

“Why, Daniel?” The pressure on the gun eases, just a bit, but it doesn't move. “What more does he want from you?”

“I've...been...” He shuts his eyes tight. “I've been trying to find the island.”

Sayid releases his hold on Dan’s collar, letting him slump back against the wall.

He takes a deep, painful breath and continues, “To– to figure out where it is now, based on...a lot of really complicated theories, about what exactly happened when it moved.” He wraps an arm around his chest. “Because I'm, you know, I'm a physicist, this is... It's what I do,” he adds with a helpless shrug.

“And Widmore?”

“And Widmore...” He swallows, hard, and looks down. “He's trying to find the island, too, so...”

“So he'll have you find it for him.”

“That's...what I'm afraid of, yeah,” he whispers.

Sayid exhales heavily. “This person that he threatened. What’s her name?”

Dan winces. “Theresa.”

“Where is she?”

“W-why does it matter?”

“The sooner you answer my questions, the sooner this will be over.”

A shiver rolls up his spine as he contemplates the meaning of the word over. “Oxford. She… Her sister takes care of her, they live in Oxford.”

Sayid is silent for a few seconds. “And you can't take them somewhere else, keep them safe from Widmore?”

“No, I can't.”

“Why can't you?”

“Because I can't keep anyone safe! That's why I–” A fresh stab of pain in his chest forces Daniel to suck in a sharp breath and start over. “That's why I have to find the island before he does, because everyone that we left behind, they're still...” His voice shakes. “They're all in danger, as long as they're still there. As long as he's still looking.”

“And what if your finding the island is exactly what he wants?” Sayid says. “You could be playing right into his hands.”

“Not if he doesn’t know where I am.”

At that, he stands up to his full height. “Then he can’t be allowed to find you,” he states. “You need to disappear.” His voice would be gentle, almost, if it weren't for the gun in his hand.

Daniel watches him with wide eyes, feeling small and helpless and far too terrified to be ashamed of the way he cowers against the wall.

And then, inexplicably, Sayid pockets the gun and walks away. He lifts the phone off the nightstand and places it on the floor, and he says, softly, “Wherever you were hiding, go back there.”

Dan blinks. “You’re not…gonna kill me?”

Sayid shakes his head, and relief floods Daniel’s chest around the pain. “I’m going to disappear, too.” He nods to the phone. “Wait five minutes before you call for help.”

“Okay,” he gasps, nodding vigorously. “Yeah. Okay.” He lets his head fall back against the wall as Sayid heads for the door.

He opens it, then pauses. “For what it's worth, I'm sorry.”

“Thanks,” Daniel says, and he means it.

With a final nod, Sayid shuts the door behind him.

(next chapter)

[nebulousneuroticism]

Oops, forgot to post yesterday.  It was a pretty uneventful day: I went to the grocery store with my dad, and played a game with my mom.  We had a meatloaf for dinner.  It was a nice day.

Today I woke up, finished packing, and had a small breakfast before my mom took me to the airport.  It wasn’t busy, so I spent a lot of time sitting and staring into space until my flight.  Then, I sat on the plane and listened to music for a few hours, and then I sat in a car and stared into space, and then I was back home again.

I feel strange.  It’s always strange, traveling.  When I’m here, I bury myself in solitude, and that feels good, but there are so many things that I want to do that I don’t end up doing anything at all.  When I’m back with my parents, I’m paralyzed by my weird anxiety issues which dictate that I not do anything at all lest someone see a modicum of my personality, but also I eat better and get to socialize a little, so I’m healthier and have less brain fog.

I wish there were a happy medium.  A life where I have someone looking out for me without feeling paralyzed by it.  But maybe I’m just too screwed up for that to be possible.

Anyway, I’m back.  There are a bunch of chores waiting for me, which I didn’t complete before I left because I had to leave early for the funeral.  Between those and my job, tomorrow is looking pretty unpleasant.

[daniellethamasa]

Book Review: Lady of Darkness by Melissa K. Roehrich

Hey all, Sam here. Oops…I had yesterday’s post mostly prepped but forgot to finish it and schedule it, and I got a little busy at work, so I wasn’t able to get it posted…which broke my 10 day blog streak. But, since I had the post mostly completed anyway, I’ll just do a double post tomorrow. It’ll be fine. Anyway, I’ve been getting some decent reading time in, so hopefully I’ll be able to keep…

[bluestbirdie]

9, 15, 29

Thank you! In the absence of declaring which one you want, I am deliberately misconstruing your request to extend to both writer and reader edition. If you did mean both, cool.

Writer Edition

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Yeah, that's totally Jazzprowl. I only have a couple WIPs (UFOs, really) without one or the other.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you? So, I'm taking most of the stuff I've ever written into next year, in the hopes something gets finished. But there are a few WIPs I'm more excited for and am more likely to complete than others. One I definitely plan to work on and hopefully post next year is the Witch AU, whose working title we will not reveal because it is a Big Spoiler!! It's Witch Hunter Jazz / Witch Prowl with a side of Green the familiar, and it will be a longfic. I'm super excited because I've come up with an awesome conflict and already worked bits of it into the early story. (Actually, after a period of not working on this WIP I forgot that there was an overarching conflict and then later came across my notes on it again. Such a good feeling.)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? Oh, hard question. I stayed in a room with a big, beautiful, east-facing window that inspired the opening of Smoke & Mirrors. Reading it just reminds me of the lazy mornings I spent there.

Prowl woke with the sun. For one, daylight streamed inside his window and lit his cottage better than any lantern - and the view outside was particularly beautiful this time of year. Second, the potions he planned to brew today would take the entirety of the daylight hours to complete and test. As they did yesterday. […] Waking, however, did not necessarily mean getting up. Prowl took the opportunity to wallow in his tiredness. The morning rays gently warmed his plating. Unusually, a thick berthsheet lay over his helm - he accepted it, since it kept the sunlight from shining directly into his optics. […]

Reader Edition

9. Favorite rare pair you read works for this year? Oooh, difficult. My favorite characters have so much chemistry with everyone… If I had to choose one rarepair, I'd choose Prowl/Skywarp. Love seeing Prowl and Seekers.

15. Favorite canon concept you read this year? I have read very little canon this year, oops… since I know for sure I read some IDW2019, I'm going to go with the funny little palm greeting they have in that series. Or, I know that I definitely read about how they have the news, which is delightfully domestic.

29. Do you have any works you think are required reading for (fandom)? Transformers? No. Jazz/Prowl? No, but I recommend Aard-Rinn's Crime in Crystals series. If for some reason anyone here likes Resident Evil, and wants to see like the only two major characters who never met in canon meet, the Leon/Wesker fandom is for you. I rec the Things We Don't Tell Chris series by acid rounds (some works explicit).

[linsvibe]

The ballad of never after

DISCLAIMER:

♡ I do not give a shit if you do not agree with my opinion on various books.

♡ I have the right to block anyone who annoys me.

♡ If you do somehow think that I deserve to be blocked because of my opinion do it straight away don’t comment about it I don’t care.

♡ My reviews contain spoilers so read at your own risk.

Ok so I might have lied, I completely forgot to post this yesterday oops. I'm still trying to get back on a streak I promise. Here is the review I promised two days ago btw.

I'm not going to explain what's happening in the book, I'm probably not going to do that ever again so you can go read the synopsis, but since you're reading this I'd assume you've already read this book.

I'd give this book 4.7 stars since it's way better than the last but not the best I've ever read. I've seen that, in pretty much all of Stephanie Garber's books I've read, predictability isn't missing. It was predictable that Jacks was The Archer and so was seeing that the Valors were in the arch, it wasn't that much of a shock factor.

Again, I've mentioned this in the review of ouabh, I've thought "maybe Evangeline is more of a badass girlboss in the second book" but nahh she's still the same dependent girl as in the first book I'm sorry but y'all gotta stop saying everybody is a girlboss when they aren't.

Same problem with extra short chapters in this book too, but except these 3 things it was a pretty ok book, I think I'm being too generous with the stars but meh it's fine ig.

[euargh]

vent post and general blogging

oh gawd, yesterday was stressful. Had to wake up early to go with parents to Hot Topic to pick up my mom’s shirt she wanted me to help her order. Which thankfully she gave me the exact amount to put into my bank because I’m drowning in bills and can’t afford a thirty dollar shirt. (I wear the same things every time I go out.) Anyways, mom is about to start conflict over nothing thinking a woman is trying to steal my dad’s cheese sticks. Dad snaps at her “STOP ALWAYS FUCKING FIGHTING!” which sadly is true because she makes everyone the enemy and randomly starts fights with people, but god, his constant anger all day caused me to want to vomit out bile. He is also a raging angry person. I forgot to take my fluoxetine to be able to handle all this crap a little better. (Speaking of which, I kind of hate my brother-in-law for saying I shouldn’t take that because it has “fluoride“ except if you actually google, it doesn’t have it. PLEASE SHUT UP, JAMES. GOD. I wish I could say that to his face, but I’d rather be on good terms with him. His side of the family are... “those” kind that self-diagnose and are anti-vax. and I hate when he picks on me for my personal problems thinking picking on me will magically make me not do that anymore, which no. All you do is make me uncomfortable.) Anyways, we went to Walmart, that was... a kind of decent okay trip. Except I learned my dad’s knee gave out and suddenly collapsed and he got irritated at me trying to help with offering to buy water. H-E-B next. The last stop. I had to go by myself into the store. Parents dropped me off and parked somewhere. I used the food budget to get last minute Thanksgiving food items. I’m really big on traditions that revolve around food (like Good Friday is fish day and I have fun looking forward to cooking/baking the usual foods we do every year for that day, every birthday I like making sure we have cake and ice cream, New Year’s Eve we get special champagne to drink around midnight, etc.) My year isn’t complete or okay unless there’s a big feast in November and I just love using that as an excuse to cook tons of food. Cooking is a good distraction and helps me forget I exist. PISSED I DIDN’T GET THE FRUIT COCKTAIL FOR THE FRUIT SALAD. but we have the tropical fruit cocktail. OH man, rambling. Oops. I obsess with food and cooking. Fast forward, I’m at H-E-B and it is ABSOLUTELY PACKED with people. I ended up trapped in aisles and kept internally sobbing lmaoooo Then my dad called me angrily on the phone when I was in line and shouted, “HURRY UP!! WE HAVE TO GO!! STOP FUCKING AROUND!!” unfortunately I snapped at him (something I rarely ever do because I always  swallow my rage whenever family members or in-laws are mean to me because nobody cares if they hurt me) I responded with “I CAN’T JUST MAGICALLY CUT TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE HERE TO PAY FOR MY ITEMS AND LEAVE.” Like?? I wasn’t even messing around, I was just trying my best to get around the crowds of people to get last minute items for Thanksgiving. Thankfully my mom told him off and to lay off me. That was nice of her. When we arrived home, she immediately began throwing items around. I had to defuse the situation and say “Look mom, I got you the butter you like.”  My dad went to the doctor. Then I spent two hours cooking dinner for them. Today, my stupid organs woke me up and I had to run to the bathroom where my insides hurt like hell. Heard my mom loudly throwing things around. I was just... why. Then remembered she had her neurologist appointment today. She gets surgery on her back and neck next year in January/February and now I’m nervous as hell. One, for her surgery because despite everything I care a lot for her. Two, because of all the freaking work I’ll have to do cleaning my sis’s former room when I just want to clean MY OWN room. I’m hoping she’ll agree to let me clean it later on since her surgery isn’t until January/February. but she makes groaning noises and gets pissed and starts throwing things. I hate how much of a control freak she is (my dad is also a huge control freak. They both retaliate in shitty ways if I don’t do what they want). Like with demanding I not donate books to this guy downtown that’s trying to bring a bookstore into this ghetto city. (There isn’t any bookstores all and all he’s trying to do is encourage reading. I support his cause.) She’s all “He’s just going to sell them” I’m like “That’s the point. Better than placed into a dumpster.” She said “Good Will accepts books.” I said “They toss out a ton of stuff. Clothes, books, toys. It gets thrown out.” and like they also freaking sell them? Jeez. Anyways, god, fuck you mom and dad for the shit you cause me that I have to put up with every day, I care about you both and will always look out for you guys, but god damn. Jeez. AND fuck everyone else in my family and my in-laws and just everyone else in my life that’s been awful to me. urgh. Anyways, vent post to scream out my angst into the void and to help warm up my typing... crap, and to work on a fanfiction today because I won’t have time tomorrow or the day after and so on. Please excuse how angry I sound. I am usually quiet when I’m pushed over by everybody, but today I’m making myself type.

[milfsrok]

Been a while

It has been around two months since i’ve last posted anything on here, and two months since i’ve broken up with my ex.

I have currently no idea how to explain how i’ve been feeling over this time. I literally went through all the stages of grief at once, I jumped into another “relationship??” so fast that it’s been lowkey stressing me out recently about what the fuck i’m doing. i still struggle with motivational issues, and recently i’ve just been so out of control i can’t even understand half of the things going on around me.

I am absolutely and utterly out of touch with reality. I swear to god i have memory loss or something. Nothing makes sense to me.

For example, i’ll hang out with my friends one week. the next week they’ll bring it up and i will have zero to no memory of it ever happening. I am literally forgetting everything around me i feel like my life isn’t even real. nothing around me is real. everything has been too weird.

another example is that recently i just got done with a summer camp (i will make another post talking about that). And i literally forgot all of my campers names and one time forgot that i was literally one of my campers counsellors, my dumbass went up to her since she was alone and asked who her counsellor was and she just looked at me confused.

The amount of occurrences recently that just feel like missing parts of my brain isn’t even funny. I’ll brush it off and be like “oops i forgot” but it has genuinely been getting to me because it happens so much. it’s gotten to the point where i can’t even remember basic things that have happened throughout the month, or what i had for dinner the last night.

like i said, i’m completely and utterly out of touch with reality. Nothing feels real.

Another thing is that i’ve been completely lashing out on people with no control. For example my brother, or my friends, or even the guy i’m talking to. I will get so mad at the dumbest things and then just feel sad about it. OR when someone does something so little, like it could be the smallest mistake. (Let’s just say my brother forgot to put a plate away). I will literally curse death on him in my mind. I will literally just think about how people are so fucking retarded and why cant people be like me etc. And think of the most gruesome death for them in my head. Sometimes i’ll even get the urge to do it. And feel my hands and head get tight.

Yesterday, The guy i’m currently talking to, got the snap of a girl who really REALLY wants him it’s so obvious. me and him were on a call when suddenly he says “maya wants to call” and i lost all my senses. It’s not even funny i was on the verge of tears. if i wasn’t on a call with him i would be panicking lowkey. That’s when i started being aggressive and lashing out on him. I called him dense, annoying, etc. Basically screaming at him on what to say to her. In the end, i started endlessly apologizing. i know i’m an asshole for that, but that’s just a recent example.

I just feel so out of control, like parts of my brain have been cut off and i’m just instinctively existing without a soul or without anything to process what’s been happening.

So yeah that’s been me ever since the breakup. haha ig?

[pigeonwithapen]

Made another fake cover! Spent way too long fussing with this one but oh well