Carol breaking up with Kirk and telling him to stay away from their child - part is Kirk, part is his job
Janet breaking up with Kirk and marrying someone else - part is him, part is his job
La'an telling Kirk she moved on - the connection is still there, she doesn't think she will ever stop having feelings for James Kirk, but she now knows that there are other people she can be her real self with, who see her, and she'd rather not pursue anything of a romantic nature with him - our jobs wouldn't permit it (she might serve as his first officer on the Farragut though, for more angst and lost chances; but she won't transfer with him back to the Enterprise. Una told her that even though she regretted never pursuing her feelings for Pike, she wouldn't change it because she could always be there for Pike, always be by his side, doing a job she loved)
(but also obviously them getting/wanting to get together and La'an dying is always a choice as well - from Kirk's POV this makes sense, from La'an's I don't want this...)
and Kirk just closing his heart off and dedicating himself to his job completely, stopping to want to form a relationship, which he thought he could have before, but apparently not
Love. You're better off without it, and I'm better off without mine. This vessel, I give, she takes. She won't permit me my life. I've got to live hers.
And he envies his brother because he could do that. He could have a family and a job he loved.
And then he encounters Khan Noonien-Singh (I'm using a dash because SNW!Khan should have a dash). He knows his legacy is genocide, torture, but also La'an - a woman he will always hold dear to his heart. The logical path would be to let the Starfleet know about Khan and let them deal with him, but instead, he gave him a chance to live. He found him a planet and didn't inform Starfleet that Khan Noonien-Singh was back. Because of La'an.
And then Khan is back. And his return reunites him with Carol and his son. And while he hadn't thought of her for years, the memories of La'an hit him with strength again. He rejected her for a life he thought he could have with Carol and their son. And his son is now a young man who doesn't know him, who hates him, and would like to see him dead. Because Carol asked him to stay away.
"If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them"
And Khan wants to kill him. Kirk wanted to give him a second chance but because he hadn't informed anyone, no one checked on the planet where Khan was sent to and never learned that the surface became almost inhabitable.
Khan wants to kill him and doesn't care how many other people die with Kirk. And Spock sacrifices himself so the Enterprise can be saved. And his death allows him and David to connect.
And maybe now Kirk could get to know his son. Maybe after all those years, he could finally get something he wanted. Spock's death hurt but it gave Kirk a new chance.
But then David is killed and Kirk never truly recovers from his son's death.
(at least he realizes he has a family with McCoy and Spock, but it can't fill the void of his son and a romantic partner)
"...I was like you once ...so completely blinded by duty and obligations that I couldn't see anything past this uniform. And in the end, what did it get me? An empty house..."
---
yeah, anyway, just putting La'an into my typical Kirk journey
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Cold hands
A little something I wrote something for the 10th day of @descember (don't pay attention to the date time is an illusion): it's a small scene between Melina and Descole, set during the time when Melina was still alive and living on the island of Ambrosia with her father. There are a few of my headcanons as well.
Spoilers for the Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva only.
I don't know if there's a need for content warnings? There are mentions of Melina's illness and future death, but that's it I think (please tell me if there should be more I'm not used to this yet)
On a winter morning, when the night started to fade away and the first colors appeared in the sky, Melina Whistler had gone on the beach on her own. While waiting for the sun to rise, she was rubbing her hands against each other and gently blowing on them, in an attempt to keep her warmth inside of her ill body.
As the first ray appeared above the horizon, the ocean started to shine, and Melina paused to gaze at it. It was truly a wonderful moment. She felt like the whole island was awakening, and was welcoming her like an old friend. The feeling warmed up her whole body and made her forget about the coolness of the morning.
She could hear the sea singing to her. She breathed in deeply, and joined her voice to the one of the waves:
"Ah ah ah aaaah…"
"Ah ah ah aaaah…"
"Ah ah ah a-- *cough*"
Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea, she thought. Perhaps I haven't recovered enough yet.
As an answer to her question, a gust of wind suddenly blew, causing her another coughing fit. It felt like the winter wind was trying to steal her last bits of life.
When she managed to calm herself down, she heard footsteps approaching behind her. She anxiously turned her head to who she thought would be her dear father, but her eyes widened when she saw the masked man standing next to her.
"Sir… Descole, was it?"
She had heard his name only once, when her father presented her the man who owned the castle they were about to move in. They hadn't exchanged a single word since then, and even though she was extremely grateful for the chance he gave her to live on this beautiful island, she couldn't shake the feeling of unease she had every time she saw his dark castle, or her father discussing with him of things she couldn't imagine.
He slightly nodded.
"Are you alright, miss Whistler?"
His tone was calm, and his words were polite, yet a shiver ran down her spine.
"Yes, I apologized if I worried you."
"Are you cold?"
"I just—"
Before she could finish her sentence, he took off his cape and handled it to her. For a moment she starred at him, surprised, then took the piece of clothing and wrapped it around her. It was too big on her, but it shielded her from the freshness of the wind.
And it was a nice gesture, too…
"Thank you sir."
A smile appeared on his face.
"My pleasure, miss Whistler." he responded, with a bow. "Would you mind if I stayed here as well?"
"Oh, no, of course not!" she stuttered.
She didn't understand what he wanted, but she could not simply push him away. She looked at him anxiously but he simply sat on the rocks, a few feet from her.
For a moment, they both gazed at the sea in silence. The sun was still rising, spreading its light, warmth, and life on the island. The darkest tones of the sky were turning into bright hues of vivid colors, from yellow to pink, before fading to blue. An ephemeral spectacle, accompanied by the whispers of the nearby waves.
Finally, Descole broke the silence.
"If I may…"
Interrupted in her contemplation, Melina looked at him.
"Why did you come here alone, miss Whistler?" he said, harshly. "Surely you didn't think a nighttime walk in the woods would improve your health, did you?"
She felt a twitch of anger at this moment. Who did this man think he was?
And yet, what explanation could she give him? She herself could not explain that feeling, that calling, that was driving her to the sea… Nor could she acknowledge the reason why she came without her father. Not with everything he was doing for her…
She turned her head towards the sea and responded:
"I just wanted to watch the sun rise." she said with a tone sharper than she intended. "My health has improved enough for this since we moved here."
She glanced at him, hoping to decipher an emotion despite his mask, in vain. Was he angry? Disappointed? Worried?
"I understand." he simply responded in a softer tone. "My apologies, it was rude of me to ask you this. I am very glad you're feeling better, miss Whistler. I only hope you will heal soon."
It felt sincere. Something she couldn't explain was still bothering the young woman, but she started to think that she may have simply judged this man too quickly.
"It's alright." she calmly said. "And you can call me Melina."
"Very well, Melina."
Somehow, hearing her name gave her a warm feeling.
She studied him again. His costume was very eccentric, to say the least, and made him very hard to read. His mask wasn't just hiding his identity, but his thoughts and feelings as well. A barrier between the person he truly was, and the rest of the world. A shield, and a prison.
But Descole is still a person, she reminded herself, as she tightened her grasp on the cloak he gave her. Behind his facade is a living human, with a beating heart.
Maybe she could get to know him a little better today.
"Can I… Can I ask you something?"
"Hm?"
She took a deep breath.
"Why did you bring us here, on this island? Why me, of all people?"
He paused for a second, thinking.
Then a large smile appeared on his face, as he responded:
"You could say… I fell in love with your music."
Melina was completely taken aback by this answer.
"Wh-Wh-What? What do you mean?" she managed to ask.
He chuckled at her reaction.
"Hahaha, I am talking about 'The first night'. They say it's another of Whistler's work, but it was actually you who wrote it, am I right?"
"I..."
It had been the most logical decision, and she knew it. Her music would reach more people through her father's name, and he did help her composing this piece after all.
Still, it was the first time someone would recognize her work, she couldn't help but feel a sense of pride inside her chest, mixed with the guilt of having hidden the truth.
"… How did you know?"
"You father is very talented, but this song was quite… different, from his usual work. I quickly realized he could not have been the person who wrote it. However, I could hardly believe such a famous composer would simply steal the work of someone else. That's when I figured out that the genius behind this work of art could only be you, Melina."
"Impressive…"
The smile on his face grew larger. He was proud of himself, wasn't he?
Descole paused. His gaze moved back to the sea, then up to the now blue sky. Starring at the faded crescent of the moon, or at a memory he was reliving, he continued:
"I'll always remember the first time I heard it. This melody… it was like all the stars in the night sky were singing together, in perfect harmony. Truly a masterpiece."
Melina felt that warm feeling again, in her chest and now her cheeks. Or was she blushing? She had no idea her music could affect people this way…
"After this, I wanted to listen to more of your work, so I made a few researches. Unfortunately, it was then that I learned about your condition."
Suddenly, something shifted in him. His face darkened. His tone changed. His fist clenched.
"At that moment, I knew I had to do everything in my power to save you. And I would stop at nothing to make you sing again."
She starred at him, unable to move. Something was wrong. Very wrong. That feeling of unease again… It seemed that the air suddenly got a lot colder.
"This is… just for my music? Really?"
He let out a somber chuckle.
"Ha. You can't see it yet, but I assure you Melina, your music is way more powerful than you can imagine."
"I--"
The cape couldn't keep her body warm anymore, and suddenly she was seized by a violent coughing fit.
"Melina, are you—"
"I- *cough cough* I need-- *cough* I need to go back. *cough*"
"Of course. Let me help you."
The next moment he was right next to her, and offered his hand to help her stand up.
After a second of hesitation, she took it.
She froze.
His body was ice cold.
As if he hadn't received any warmth in a long time.
As if he hadn't feel any warmth in a long time.
He didn't seem to notice her reaction. Or perhaps he simply didn't care.
He helped her getting back up, and without exchanging a word, they returned to the castle.
There, she was welcomed by her dearest but extremely worried father. He seemed really distressed by her early disappearance, for which Melina felt guilty. It took her a while to calm him down by reminding him that she was fine, she was not hurt, she was not lost, she was here and everything was alright.
The father then wrapped his arms around his daughter, and held her close, as if he was afraid she would disappear again. It felt warm, comfy, and safe.
Melina returned the embrace, and for a moment, she thought of that icy contact she had with the masked man earlier. And she wondered…
Could he give such warmth? Could he accept such warmth?
…
Descole…
Which one of us… had truly stopped living?
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Star Trek:TNG 1x24 "Conspiracy" and the Borg
Star Trek: The Next Generation's season 1 episode "Conspiracy" is regarded as one of the better episodes of the season. And a lot of people probably wish it got a follow-up with the parasites. Apparently, one was planned but ended up never seeing the light of day. Well, sort of. The parasites were supposed to be connected to the Borg. The Borg were originally planned to be insectoid, but they were changed to cyborgs for budget reasons. I think this was a good change because cyborgs are really cool and the Borg are a great villain. However, because this aborted connection is so cool, I have my own headcanon/false fan theory about the Borg and the parasites.
When I first watched "Conspiracy" I found the parasites' signal out into deep space a bit odd. Not only because I knew it never got followed up on. These are parasites, small organic beings. Sending a signal specifically all the way out into deep space seems a bit beyond the reach of simple parasites. The "signal" part sounds almost technological.
Furthermore, these parasites and the Borg use the word "assimilate" the same way; to control. And these are the only two species to use that word that way.
So, here's the story I came up with: The Borg wanted to see if there was any useful sentient life in the region of space where the Federation, Romulans, and Klingons are. They discovered a species of parasites with the capability to infest and completely control the actions of very complex, intelligent creatures. The Borg saw that they could be useful for exploration and for destabilizing any civilizations they do find and (probably partially) assimilated them, fitting them with signal transmitters so they could communicate with the rest of the Borg. They then sent the parasites out into a region of space they hadn't explored yet. The parasites come across the Federation and work their way up into Starfleet Command, nearly destabilizing the Federation's defense system. The parasites infiltrated Starfleet Command sometime prior to "Coming of Age", which would be enough time for the parasites to tell the Borg they found a technologically advanced civilization and then have the Borg send a vessel (probably not one of their giant cubes as that would be difficult to hide) to the Neutral Zone to scoop up outposts there.
When the parasites are found out and killed, the mother parasite sent a signal out into space telling the Borg that they had been defeated and had failed to destabilize the civilization, but there was still a civilization there to be assimilated. The Borg also scooped up outposts along the Neutral Zone (again, probably using one of their smaller vessels) because no one's supposed to be in the Neutral Zone and therefore would be less likely to see the Borg and because the Federation and the Romulans would likely blame the destruction on each other.
"Q Who" isn't where the Borg learned about the existence of the Federation, it's just where the Federation learned about the existence of the Borg. Even in canon, prior to this, the Borg had interacted with the Federation, it was just on a smaller scale and only in secret. After the events of "Q Who", the Borg realized that the Federation now knew about them and would have time to prepare for an attack, so they should attack as soon as possible and with a big Borg cube instead of the smaller vessels they had been using. (I know that "Q Who" treats it as 'the Borg now know the Federation exists and will be coming for them', but the Neutral Zone established that they already knew about the Federation, as they had been attacking them already. I take this as characters not knowing the Borg already knew of the Federation and being wrong (and as the writers forgetting about the Neutral Zone) and not as hard fact. This inconsistency about whether the Borg knew of the Federation or not comes from canon and is not my fault; I'm just trying to make sense of it.)
Is there anything I missed or forgot about? Or anything anyone who may see this would like to add?
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