#considering doing it again tonight lmfao

[hobbitunderthemountain]

hello last night i left good omens s2 playing when i went to bed last night and i woke up right at the end of the season LITERALLY JUST FOR THE KISS and immediately fell back asleep

[hurts2think]

a queen of hearts x femreader where reader is one of bridget’s guards and she gets hurt and much to everyone’s surprise bridget decides to patch her up because she insists no one else can do it right (they definitely can and bridget just wants to be alone with reader lmfao)

and her seeing reader out of her armor for the first time and is like two seconds away from giggling and kicking her feet bc reader is super muscular and tanned idk im a sucker for queen of hearts being a secret loser lesbian (bc she DEFINITELY was in highschool)

🌹Queen of Hearts x Reader🌹

Reader Pronouns: She/her

Pairing: The Queen of Hearts x Fem!Guard!Reader

Plot: Someone tried breaking into the castle. Reader takes them down but is injured in the process, the Queen insisting she take on the responsibility of tending her wound. What the Queen wasn't prepared for was a bit of a lesbian panic.

Word count: 1.7k

Extra: Sorry this took forever and it ain't even good !! Very messy. But I love her. I listened to Chappel Roan while writing this.

Being a guard for royalty was no walk in the park. Especially if that park was The Queen of Hearts. She was a very interesting character, and by interesting, she was a tyrant.

She had full control over Wonderland, basically banning anything remotely joyous from it. She had strict rules and high expectations.

But, you've been doing this for awhile. You were very experienced when it came to being a guard. It was your dream since you were little.

Of course, when you were little, things were much different. Wonderland wasn't nearly as hostile, the Queen at the time wasn't so controlling, but none of that mattered anymore.

Your only job was protecting the current queen.

You didn’t fear many people. You were almost considering fearless. But the one person you did fear was your own Queen. The person that ruled over you. The woman who gave you ever command.

You always felt the need to go out of your way to go above and beyond to satisfy her, and it sort of worked. You did eventually become very high ranking and usually were her personal guard during special events.

You were never able to speak to her, why would you? It's not your job to speak to her unless she comands it. But that never stopped her from speaking to you. But you kind of assumed she spoke to anyone. Usually to just complain about small insignificant things for you to fix, but occasionally you swore you heard a hint of a real person come out of her.

But now, it was late. Wonderland never slept at night even if the people did.

There were always something outside of the kingdom, always someone. Always something to protect the kingdom from.

And every once in awhile, someone would slip through the cracks and try to take the Queen down. It was very rare this happened, but happened tonight.

Someone lurked in the walls of the kingdom, slipping in and out of the shadows. While the security in the kingdom was always the best, there are always holes.

And on that night, you were walking down the halls of the castle. You never enjoyed patrols that were in the castle, you preferred being out. But as you walked down the dim hallways that were completely silent other than the clicking of your boots on the tile, you heard something from behind you.

With one swift movement, you turn and block an attack from a hooded figure with a dagger, digging a gash into your hand rather your chest. You unsheath your sword despite the injury and the rest happened quickly.

You yelled for the other guards and you all easily brought this man down and immeately brought to the dungeon for the Queen to set her scentence for him. All was quiet again, all was safe. Except for the fact you accidentally woken up the Queen from her sleep, which was never good.

The doors to her room swung open and she slowly walked out. Even after just being woken up she was perfect. Her night gown was ridiculously expensive looking and beautiful, she was naturally gorgeous with or without makeup (in this case without), and every step she took was well coordinated. She looked unreal, like the kind of woman you'd dream of.

"Your Majesty," You kneel, along with a couple other guards near by you who were trying to patch your wound you received from the encounter.

"What is the meaning of this?" She demanded, clearly not thrilled by being woken.

You bit your tongue, horrified of what she may have in store for you and the other guards once you tell her that someone managed to break into the castle, "An unidentified man broke into the castle. We have detained him and he is being sent to the dungeon." You say, still kneeling and not daring to look her in the eyes.

The Queen of Hearts gave a noise of disapproval which made your heart feel like it sank to your stomach.

"I can see he didn't go without a stumble." She scoffed, eyeing the injury on your arm.

"We have it handled, your Majesty. We apologize for awakening you." One of the other guards who was initially helping you with your wound spoke up.

The Queen narrowed her eyes, "Clearly not." She stated, taking a step closer to you, making your skin hot. "You're doing it all wrong, it's like you're totally incapable of treating her wound properly." She huffed, "You're all dismissed. Out of my sight." She demanded, before pointing a finger at you, "But you. You stay."

You wished you could get up and run. Run far away. Because you weren't so sure that she had anything pleasant planned for you. You were almost certain your head would be removed from your shoulders in the next 12 hours. But all you could do was just sit there and kneel while staring at the ground.

"Off your knees. Pick up the first aid kit and hand it to me, since that lot clearly have no clue what they're doing I suppose I'll have to handle it." She commanded, crossing her arms.

You finally look up at her, your eyes full of surprise. Did you hear that right? Are you misinterpreting? Did the Queen of Hearts just say she was going to tend your wound rather than the other guards?

You hesitated before picking up the first aid kit and standing up, handing her the kit.

She snatched the kit from your hands and used her free hand to motion you to follow her.

You silently follow her into her own room which was even more shocking. You've never actually been invited into her room before, it was a little intimidating. You tried your best not to glance around, she doesn't like a nosey woman.

“Sit.” Was all she had to say for you to immediately listen. You sat in a chair that was probably the most comfortable chair you've ever been in before.

The Queen pulled up another chair and sat in front of you, taking your hand. Her gesture was surprisingly gently and careful, a small gesture but very out of character for her.

She removed the plate armor on your forearm and upper arm so it didn't get in the way. You felt a little embarrassed since all you wore under your armor was a tank top so now your entire arm was bare.

The Queen went pretty quiet after she took the plate armor off.

You were of course silent too. You didn't speak to her, you couldn't. But the silence was deafening. You tried to conceal the pain you felt from the wound and her tending to it. It burned and you had a feeling you wouldn't be able to properly hold a sword for a couple weeks.

Her eyebrows furrowed with concentration on her face. It was a look you hardly ever saw.

Her fingers worked surprisingly delicately, applying a cloth to clean the blood. Despite her steady hands, there was tension in her posture; a slight hesitation in her every movement. Her eyes occasionally flicker to your arms, tracing the defined curves of muscle with ab unreadable expression.

You tried to remain calm and stoic but you would be lying if you said you weren’t intimidated.

You winced at the pain as she put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding.

"Don't focus on the pain. Just focus on me, hm?" She advises though it sounded like more of a comand, making your legs weak and your heart feel it'll beat of your chest.

You just look at her and stare at her perfect features. Her perfect hair, beautiful eyes, perfectly sculpted face. It was hard not to focus on her with her in that thin nightgown.

"Say something." Bridget finally commanded after another very long silence. You weren't sure why.

She's been acting weird this whole time. Well, she's always been odd, but especially now.

The Queen couldn’t help but feel a bit flustered, though she keeps her focus, forcing her usual demeanor. The air felt thick, as she began to clean the wound itself.

“Uhm,” you hesitantly speak up as she demanded, “Are you okay?” You immediately felt like jumping out of the window after asking that. It was definitely the wrong thing to say. You didn’t even know why she wanted you to speak in the first place.

The Queen let out a mocking scoff, “I tell you to say something and of course the only thing to come from your mouth it idiotic.”

Your face heated up in embarrassment. But you really weren’t sure what you were supposed to say. Before you even could say anything she spoke again.

“Letting yourself get injured like this…” she huffed with a disapproving tone, “You’re dismissed from work for the next week until it’s healed.” She began to wrap a bandage around your hand.

You really felt like this was all a dream. Everything tonight felt like a dream. “Really?” You asked, clearly surprised.

The Queen rolled her eyes, not amused by your need for confirmation. She didn’t say anything.

“Thank you, your majesty.”

“Yes. You should be grateful.” She said. She then slowly stood up, tracing her hand over your muscular arm, making your skin crawl. Her touch felt dangerous but so good. Your heart raced faster and faster.

Her hand lightly squeezed over your arm and to your shoulder, making you take a sharp inhale. And you could almost swear her own face turned a little red.

“Your Majesty—“

“Silence.” She interrupted, effectively making your mouth snap shut.

She trailed her nail under your chin, tilting your head to look her in the eyes.

The tension only grew more intense, your mind flooded with thoughts you probably shouldn’t be having about your ruler. You were no stranger to these thoughts, but for a moment it felt like these thoughts were coming true. But then the Queen suddenly pulled her hand away and snapped her gaze off of you. It was almost like she was flustered. “Go home. Rest.” She demanded.

You slowly stood up, unable to take your eyes off of her. “Now.” She added after she noticed your eyes trailing on her.

You snap back into reality and firmly nod you head, “Yes, your majesty. Thank you…”

“Silence. Leave.”

You leave her room, wishing you could have stayed. But that surely wasn’t possible. You only stood there for a moment, imagining the Queen’s red and flustered face. Imagining her sudden change in character. The way she stared at your arm and then looked away. You wish you could read her mind, what was going through her head. But you couldn’t help but smile at the picture of it in your head. It was enough to keep you up all night.

[stuffeddeer]

just thought of the most rom-com scenario ever. reader is the new hire for the ADA and immediately off the bat, dazai is dazai. reader just takes it as the typical sense of humor and just laughs it off, thinking he’s not actually interested considering his many various ventures. eventually the two of them are assigned to missions quite often (with atsushi as a third wheel) and the two get along great in terms of humor, personality, work in the field… it boggles atsushi’s mind that the two of them aren’t at least going on ONE date. one night dazai tells him in a drunken stupor over the phone he has feelings for y/n but doesn’t want to ruin what they have. y/n ends up telling atsushi they don’t know what to do if they keep getting missions with dazai because one of these days they may slip up due to him just BEING there. he ends up confiding in both yosano and kunikida about it when the two are out of the office and they both just go “y/n and HIM??? anyone deserves better than THAT” but yosano means it in a more teasing way and kunikida means it in a serious way because. kunikida. thus begins a quest for atsushi; to bring the two together, and it drives him NUTS because the two both don’t think the other likes them. dazai assumes y/n would rather have interest in any other guy and y/n assumes dazai would rather have interest in any other person. this ends up with many funny scenarios such as:

1. atsushi leaving a note on dazai’s desk that reads “i want to talk to you in the hallway at __ time today.” and leaving an identical one on y/n’s desk so they can cross paths outside of working together and possibly start a convo and go somewhere. it backfired and the two just say “weird coincidence. everyone must’ve got this!” and wave bye

2. atsushi trying to subtly tell dazai y/ns favorite flower and he just says “oh, that’s great! are you getting them a birthday present early or something”

3. even kunikida being forced into trying to help by asking dazai if he is interested in hanging out with him and y/n (so he can pretend to end up being sick and it would just be dazai and y/n) and dazai saying “oh, is this some sort of elaborate scheme you’re planning on order to have a date with y/n and so it won’t be awkward with just the two of you? i’ll pretend to be sick when it happens for you!” LIKE GOD DAMM DAZAI STOP BEING INSECURE ITS YOU BOY?!

basically stuff like that goes on so much to the point where when the ADA is out celebrating a successful year of missions at a karaoke bar atsushi just yells out over the mic: “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH THIRD WHEELING HERE!!!!! Y/N AND DAZAI YOU BOTH likeeachother-“ and they’re just. WHAT

(SORRY FOR ALL THE TEXT LMFAO)

anon you literally wrote this for me idek what to say you’re so cool

Atsushi’s eyes widened. “What?! I can’t go on this mission, I have, um… an appointment.” Nailed it. “Dazai can take my place! He’s not doing anything right now.” Normally, Kunikida would have pointed out this obvious lie, but he remained quiet - pretty much everyone in the agency knew what he was up to.

Dazai actually was doing something for the first time in a while, but surely this mission was much more important. The brunet took off with you, headed out on an actually very unimportant mission you definitely could’ve taken care of on your own while Atsushi planned.

The tiger boy was quick to tell you and Dazai upon your return about tonight’s important karaoke celebration! And when you tried to weasel your way out of it, Yosano had practically dragged you down to the place. You were ushered next to Dazai as Atsushi and Yosano chose songs for everyone to sing. They said it was to make sure Dazai didn't pick something depressing or you would try to bail out again - this way, everyone had to go. But also... this way, you and Dazai would be stuck singing a romantic duet.

Of course, the two of you took it horribly wrong (in Atsushi's opinion), you both fully committing to the "joke song" Atsushi selected, wholly pretending in the moment. He'd wanted some romantic moment where you two realized you were destined to be together, but you both are just so stupid—

Atsushi had been up next, and was gripping the microphone tightly. He wasn't one to let his anger take over, but this was just getting ridiculous. As the opening notes played to the song he chose, he shouted out your deepest secret, and Dazai's as well.

You both like each other.

With slack jaws and wide eyes, every agency member stared at Atsushi in shock. He'd turned pink as he realized his mistake, muttering apologies as he placed the mic back down. Tense silence filled the air, the only sound being the scraping of Ranpo's spoon along the ceramic ice cream dish he'd ordered.

After a moment, Yosano started clapping. "Someone had to say it, and we all knew they wouldn't."

The rest of karaoke was horribly awkward for you and Dazai. You'd moved ever so slightly away from each other, completely embarrassed. What if Atsushi had just made up that Dazai likes you back? What if Atsushi had just made up that you like Dazai back? All either of you knew is that he had yelled out your biggest secret, and neither of you were too excited to sing anymore.

The lights had been turned on and everyone was gathering their things. It had been a fun night out, all things considered. Yosano got completely hammered and Ranpo couldn't direct his way home if his life were at stake, so Kunikida and Atsushi led the both of them back to their homes (with Kyouka right on Atsushi's tail). The Tanizaki siblings had left a bit before everyone for whatever their reasons were, so just you and Dazai were left standing outside the karaoke bar, awkwardly gazing out at the quiet city.

"So... tonight was different, huh?" You spoke anxiously, picking at a loose thread on your top.

"I didn't expect Ranpo to be that good a singer," Dazai replies with a polite smile.

You sighed. The last thing you wanted was for things to turn awkward between the two of you. "Listen, Dazai— "

"Do you want to walk home with me?" He cut you off.

You smiled softly, letting out a small chuckle. "Of course."

[cartierdreamx]

𝕯𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝕿𝖔 𝕱𝖆𝖑𝖑 *3*

Hi my honey buns <333, I am so sorry for the wait, but here it is and I so hope you enjoy!! Just diving in further into Jenna’s character and r has a secret?????!!!, I am like half asleep right now so I have no idea what to say butt I will also mention, I will look over this ch properly with a full rested mind once I wake up LMFAO. I hope you enjoy and if you do, please consider reblogging, following, and commenting! Thank you all for your constant love and support! J <33

If you would like to be apart of a taglist so you know when the next chapter comes out, comment down below or let me know thru asks!! Also please make sure your tags are on, so I’m able to tag you🤎

Pairings: jenna ortega x fem! Reader

Warnings: the tiniest bit of angst, dark themes, swearing, mentions of weapons and violence and murder.

This fic is STRICTLY 18+, as it involves adult themes, minors DNI, you are responsible for your own social media intake, which includes reading entertainment which this fic falls under, so one last warning- this fic is 18+. Thank you!  

*though my fics have real people, my fics are just for entertainment and far from reality*

FYI: JENNA IS G!P IN THIS FIC!!

~~

There was barely any times Jenna felt abandoned, hopeless, trapped, and there were even less times where Jenna felt this way about a woman, an ordinary citizen. Vulnerable was never a side she would welcome, it made her feel weak, an easy access for Gio, so when you came along, you were an anomaly, you were only supposed to be a one-night stand, she would never admit it but the heat of her heart upon talking to you melted the layer of ice she projects.

Oh, how she wishes she had never spoken to you, you would’ve been safe, if everything she cares for would be destroyed, if she had never spoken to you, crimson would have never painted her hands, your crimson, your blood spilt was a reminder this was all her fault.

But, would there have been more regret if she left you alone that night? There was barely any times Jenna felt vulnerable, but when she’s with you, that’s what she is, and tonight, she was more vulnerable than ever. Vulnerability wasn’t welcomed, but it encased every inch of her.

“Jen, you have to let go of her.” Viv sighs, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Jenna winces away, “NO, no, I can’t, I can’t, please, Viv.”

“Hun, I know you don’t want to, but we have to get her on this stretcher so Kaman can take of her.”

“I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF HER.” Now in a softer tone and as her tears fall, she repeats, “I was supposed to take care of her.”

Viv understood her feelings, she didn’t want to lose you either, and at the possibility of losing you, she couldn’t lose Jenna the same night, “Jenna, this isn’t your fault, you have to get that through your head.”

How she would give up anything in the world right now to see your seraphic smile again, she’d trade her throne, she’d take off her mafia crown and let the city fall into the hands of Gio Marcello if it meant your hands could caress her face once more. The weakened brunette, always so contumacious, never giving in, but she knew she had to, just this once, although, she was a great negotiator.

“Can I at least hold her in the stretcher?” There was always a fierceness in her eyes, Viv and Bruce knew that look all too well, but seeing her like this was different, the same knots in their backs that Jenna’s stubbornness caused were untied by her weakness, well in Jenna’s eyes, her weakness, but in reality, it was proof she’s just like any other citizen on the street, hurt and scared, in this moment, she wasn’t the most feared woman, wasn’t the crown heir to the Ortega family, she wasn’t a playboy, she wasn’t egotistical, she wasn’t arrogant, she was just Jenna.

“Oh, baby, I don’t thin-.”

“Of-course, you can Jenna, I just need to to be careful and still so I can take her vitals administer an IV.” Kaman, the head doctor of the towers, cuts in.

“I promise.”

As the two of you are whisked away into a nearby elevator, Viv and Bruce stay back, as much as they wanted to accompany their friends, they knew they had a job to do, they couldn’t let the family fall, not when Jenna needs them most, and so with unspoken words, the two of them knew exactly what to do. Bruce manning a team of soldiers, investigating what happened and who caused this mess, and Viv staying remote collecting intel from Bruce whilst trying to hold the integrity of the tower when their leader has fallen. Temporarily of course, hopefully.

~~

Ignorance is bliss is the saying, and Bruce so wanted to bathe in this bliss, the bliss where he doesn’t find out what happened to you, his demeanour paints itself as large rottweiler, physically, his brute strength would scare any normal human being away but, on the inside, he had a heart as strong as the winds on top of mountains.

For you, his heart welcomed you in, he won’t ever admit it to Jenna, only because she’d deny it, but when he senses Jenna truly cares for someone, his love and care automatically calls out for that same person. His overprotectiveness over you blames himself slightly for what happened, but not as much as Jenna did.

“Bruce, we found y/n’s blood and smashed up cameras from across the street and corners, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” His flat tone masking the fact he’s trying his best to hold everything. “Were you guys able to find anything else?”

“Right, and unfortunately not.”

Bruce sighs deeply with remorse, “shit, wait okay, okay, get the smashed cameras to Ammo in tech, she’s savvy with these things, it’s slim, but we have to try.”

One of his soldiers’ nods and the rest start collecting fragments of evidence alongside the actual cameras. “Hey Viv, we might have something, meet me on Ammo’s floor, she might be able to resurrect the SD card from the cameras.”

~~

As much as she wanted to stay, the force of her wanted to leave, Jenna held you for so long, but she got so lost in the pain, she forgot the copious amount of regret and guilt she’d feel when you woke up and saw her face, you told her you hate her, but did you mean it? Either way, she wanted nothing to do with these feelings, you’re better off waking up next to someone you love.

“Jenna?” Kaman, looks up from you after doing her regular check, “where are you going, sweetie, doctor intuition tells me she’ll be waking up soon.”

“Out.” Her body was shutting her heart down, her brain is in control now and maybe it should’ve stayed in control, not passing on the torch to her heart, a lot of regret wouldn’t have existed if that were the case. Jenna grits her teeth and lets out a breath through the minuscule gaps between, “I’m calling Solana, her best friend, she deserves to know what happened, and she,” now pointing at you with her forehead, eyebrows “she deserves someone else here.”

“You’re running away again, Jenna.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” Jenna bites back.

“Stay.”

“That’s not an option.” Jenna, now using a tone you’d only hear from a mother. Before Kaman could say anything else, the space between you and her had been closed off, and that wasn’t the only thing restrictive.

There was something about the night ambiance that always provided fresh air, each molecule of oxygen that raced through her body was pure, antonymous with the blood spilt over the years as a result of her hands.

Hello? Who is this?

Hi Solana, sorry for the late-night call but something happened, oh, it’s Jenna by the way.

Though it was over the phone, Jenna could feel Sol’s heart drop.

OH! Jenna, hi, Sol is fine by the way, is y/n okay? I’ve been trying to reach her, but I can’t seem to get a hold of her.

There was an accident… Can you come to the towers?

Fuck, okay, I’m on my way.

Once Sol walks into, Jenna is greeted with a heavy heart, yet a kind smile. “Is she okay?”

“She will be, she’s going to wake up soon, she’ll want you there, just head up to the floor marked with H.”

“Aren’t you coming with?”

At this very moment, something clouded the air, you couldn’t see it, feel it nor smell it but something in the air that made Jenna retain why she’s not going up with Sol, “she needs you, not me and plus, I have to do something.” That last line was a ramble, she didn’t have to do anything, not at this very moment, but she couldn’t go see you. Couldn’t or won’t?

Sol sighs and takes a step towards Jenna, “okay,” the mafia queen had never been easy to read, no one knew what went on inside of her, but tonight, Sol read her like a novel, but she didn’t want to push. “You know,” caressing Jenna’s hand “whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, Jenna, no one blames you.” Jenna didn’t have the courage to look at Sol in the eyes, all she could muster up was “y/n does.”

“I’ve known her for years, I share a soul with her, pun intended,” trying to make Jenna smile, but Sol is sure that joke flew over her head, “she doesn’t blame you.” Sol’s last attempt to console Jenna and try to convince her to come up but stubborn is Jenna’s middle name, so all she could give Sol was a headshake and a smile as the elevator doors close.

Maybe I should go to her. A constant thought that flooded Jenna’s mind but in the split second where she was about to press the button marked ‘H’ on the elevator, a text from Viv telling her to meet them on the tech floor came through, directing her finger towards the button marked ‘T’ instead.

Walking into the office, Jenna’s fist immediately clenches up at the sight of smashed up cameras with intricate wires tangled up within each other. “For the sake of everyone in the city, PLEASE tell me you’ve found something,” there was desperation in her tone, she wanted to throw the closest object across the room but the breath she takes seems to calm her down enough to hear her little posse out.

Like Alvin and the Chipmunks, Bruce, Viv, and Ammo avert their gaze from the screen to Jenna, “this right here is why you pay me six figures.” Ammo retorts, making Jenna giggle a bit, the first time a positive sound escaped her mouth since finding out you were hurt.

“Alright, no need to boast, especially when I make 10.” Jenna smirks and Ammo rolls her eyes.

“How’s y/n?” Viv says with concern.

“Ah, she’s great?” There was some hesitation when she answered, truthfully, she doesn’t know how you are, when she left you, you were stable, but she doesn’t know how you are. “I’m not really sure, Sol is up with her, and I got a text from Kaman that she woke up when I was on the way up.”

“And you’re not there?” Viv exclaims with such flash.

“She won’t want me there.”

Viv inflates her cheeks to the brim with air before letting out a huff, “Ammo, will you please pass me the magazine on your desk.” As no words were exchanged, Viv starts to roll up the paper and trains her eyes at Jenna, no one knew what was going to happen next.

“BAD, JENNA, BAD.” Viv screams as she knocks Jenna on the head with the magazine, at the same time, Jenna extends her arms above her head, flinching away at every hit as a way to protect herself.

“VIV?” Jenna squeals, “what was that for?” she then questions whilst Bruce and Ammo try so hard not to laugh as tears form in their eyes.

“That’s for being here, waltzing around like an idiot when you should be waltzing around like an idiot up there,” Viv pointer finger erects up, “you know, with y/n?”

“I just- she doesn’t, she hates? Aw for fucks sake, just show the video, stop lingering on me.” Jenna commands, not wanting to talk about her feelings, and definitely not wanting to talk about her feelings for you. What feelings? Does she even have feelings for you?

“Are you sure? It’s a bit, well you know.” Viv informs.

“How much blood have I washed from my hands?” Jenna bites back.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have feelings for said blood.” Viv points out, making Bruce and Ammo scoff out a laugh.

“What? I don’t have feelings for y/n!” Jenna starts getting all defensive and in unison just like the chipmunks, the group of three goes “mhmhm.”

“Ugh, whatever, just play the video.” As the video plays, Jenna watches what that night was like for you, in clear technicolour, how the man had followed you like a predator set on his prey. And as his palm lands on your face, she squirms, she doesn’t want to go on, she doesn’t want to see you like this. No amount of violence she had witnessed and caused could ever prepare her for what she was watching.

JENNA! JENNA! PLEASE, JENNA, PLEASE, JUST STOP!

The colour drained from Jenna’s face as quickly as the rage set in, once she heard the first syllable of her name, she knew you were calling out to her and it was all too much for her, there was water setting on her tongue, if she saw anymore, she was sure she’d throw up everywhere. Jenna rushes out the office, accidentally slamming the glass door behind her, drawing the attention of the other tech workers to her, but their gazes quickly returned to their screens as they realise who they were staring at.

“Jenna, are you okay?” Viv asks as she closes the door behind her, Jenna couldn’t hold eye contact with her, too scared that tears would start streaming down her face if she had seen the softness of Viv’s face; concerned for her dear friend.

“I’m fine.” The words just barely making it through her teeth.

“You’re not, and that’s okay, I just need you to tell me what’s going on through your head, this entire tower is your family, we can help.”

“She-” Jenna croaks, “she called for me, Vivica.” Using her full name, this indicated she was an even bigger mess than anyone anticipated, Jenna would use ‘Vivica’ when things got too serious, too overwhelming, and those times barely existed, Viv greeting her name like a stranger. “She called for me and I wasn’t there, I couldn’t save her.”

Placing a firm grip on both her shoulders, Viv comforts Jenna, “Jenna, look at me, there was nothing you could do in that moment to help her, get that through your thick skull.” Jenna huffs out a deep sigh, “but.” “No buts, stop blaming yourself, and you did save her, she’s alive because you took her in.” Viv reassures.

“Okay.” Jenna didn’t want to ‘okay’ this conversation, especially when she herself wasn’t okay. But that was all she could muster up at this moment.

“Okay. Now tell me what you need.”

“I need to find that man and kill him.” An ‘o’ shape forms Viv’s mouth, but she doesn’t know why she’s surprised, this was the most logical solution for Jenna. “No, not kill, that’d be giving him mercy, I want to hurt him so bad he wishes he was never born.” There was such fury in Jenna’s eyes, a fury no one had ever seen, not even Viv, but she understood, she shared that same fury, it was the same with Bruce, but Jenna held most of the fire, she conjured it.

“Okay, okay, that’s on brand, but before you go out and hunt him down and we feed you information, you should know, this wasn’t a random attack, the van that ended up picking him and her up, ultimately dropping her off at our feet was Marcello.”

“Gio did this?” The fire only growing stronger at the realisation that Gio was using you as a manipulation tactic to see her fall, to make her weak, vulnerable.

“Unfortunately, so he may be guarded.”

“He won’t, he’s a useless pawn to Gio, and I’m assuming he wasn’t supposed to hurt her that bad.”

~~

As Jenna heads down to the garage, everyone at their stations waiting to give Jenna information on Jameson’s whereabouts, Jenna ends up running into a frantic Sol. “Sol? Are you okay?”

“Jenna! Just the girl I was looking for, y/n’s awake, she’s doing great and she’s looking for you.” Jenna wishes she had never run into Sol, the guilt she buried about how she wasn’t there when you woke up was slowly making its way back up to the surface and that same feeling of saliva settling on her tongue was back again.

“I’m glad she’s doing better.”

“You’re not coming to see her?”

Before Jenna could answer, adding onto the guilt that harbours her, Sol had once more read Jenna and the twitch in her eyes, the pursed lips and the disconnected eye contact told her all she needed to know. “I wish you believed that this isn’t your fault.”

“Me too,” Jenna smiles at her, “later, when she’s well enough, I want her to recover in my penthouse, I’ll have people set up the guest bedroom, it’ll give me peace of mind that she’s here with m-, with uh, you know protection.”

Sol tries to hide her smirk at Jenna’s slight mistake where she was supposed to say ‘me,’ where she wanted to say ‘me,’ “that’s very sweet of you, it’ll give me some peace of mind too.”

“If you want, I can have another room set up for you?” Jenna kindly offers.

“OH, no, that’s very sweet, but I don’t want to intrude, and plus I have a business to run and I’m not in any danger, thank you though.”

“Of-course, just let me know if you change your mind, and the only thing that poses a danger to you is TMZ stealing your work.” Jenna winks, making Sol laugh, before heading towards her personal garage, separate the the tower’s garage.

Which car today? She thinks to herself, “take the GT3, perfect for a 1am cruise, we can see you wallowing in indecisiveness, this is a problem only you’d have by the way.” Viv speaks, coming from Jenna’s ear piece.

“Heh, you’re right the irish green GT3 is perfect for a 1am cruise, though this won’t be a cruise, more like sweet, sweet revenge.”

“Yuck, never say that again, this isn’t a movie.”

“Hmm, kinda is, but maybe more like a book.”

~~

As you wait for Sol to get back from her little quest, you can’t help but wonder if it’ll just be Sol walking through the doors or will Jenna accompany her. Despite being beaten to a pulp, you remembered everything, you’ve always had a stellar memory and despite all the hurt and pain, there was something about the warmth Jenna encased you in whilst in your arms that washed away the pain, each beat of your heart was in sync with hers and for once she wasn’t the most feared woman in America, she was Jenna.

Just Jenna, with the ability to be vulnerable like everybody else. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, waking up to the lack of her warmth ached you, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t grateful and relieved to see Sol by your side, but deep down your heart longed to be in sync with hers again.

“Hi, my sweet one.”

“Sol!” And only Sol walked through the doors, leaving you deflated, not realising you displayed your disappointment for Sol to see.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise, it’s okay, I just thought, never mind, it’s stupid.”

“It really isn’t y/n.” Sol takes a seat by your leg on your bed.

“I just want to thank her.”

“She knows you’re thankful, what you really want is her, or do you still hate her?” Sol teases.

You hmph, “I don’t want her.” Is that a lie, y/n? “And I don’t necessarily hate her.”

“Hm, okay, whatever makes you sleep at night, however, if you don’t hate her, why’d you tell her otherwise?”

“You heard about that?”

“Whole tower at this point.”

“I feel like this is karma for being a journalist,” you two share a laugh, taking a deep breath, you confess, “when I ran into her at the mall, she had told me to tell her that I hate her, if I told her that, she would leave me alone, when I told her I hate her, I didn’t mean it in a spiteful way, I meant it in a I don’t want to be a burden to you way, because I knew she would stop at nothing to hurt whoever did this to me, I couldn’t let her get hurt on behalf of me, get hurt in general.”

Viv and Bruce heard all of that through the door so when they walk in, Viv couldn’t help but make a remark, “aw, you do care about her.”

Your face lights up at the sight of your friends, “unfortunately,” you joke.

“How’re ya doing kid?” Bruce speaks first, which surprises everyone in the room.

“I’m doing better, you?”

“I’m not the one who got hurt.”

“Not physically.” Your statement makes Bruce bow his head down a bit, confirming your words to be true.

“I’ll be okay.” He smiles.

“Viv?”

“I’ll be okay too, I’m just glad you’re doing better.” She walks up to you and gives you a tight squeeze.

“OH!” You remember that there was a high possibility Sol and the other two have never met before, “this is Sol, my everything.” Sol smiles and holds your hand.

“Yes, hi, hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Viv sticks out her hand and Sol gracefully accepts.

“Please, pleasure’s all mine, thank you for taking care of her.” Sol giggles at her, “and nice to meet you too, uh?” She turns to Bruce.

Bruce tips his head at her like a mini curtsy, a gentleman he is, “Bruce, ma’am.” Another smile from Sol.

“I don’t mean to interrupt introductions here, but is Jenna around?” You gather up the courage to ask.

“She’s on her way back to the towers.” Viv answers.

“From where?”

“I’ll leave that to her to explain.”

“But let’s not focus on her right now.” Easier said than done. “Jenna is offering you a guest bedroom upstairs to recover in, and trust me, this room may be amazing, but nothing compares to her penthouse.”

“That’s very generous of her, and yeah, whew, her penthouse is something else, she’ll be back soon, right?”

“I’m sure of it.” Viv reassures.

~~

Despite her small stature, Jenna was incredibly strong, evident as she drags a 6ft tall, unconscious man into the elevator as they head towards the dark rooms of the tower, underneath the city, where if Jenna wanted something from an individual, she’d get it.

As they reach the one of the underground levels, the elevator door opens and Jenna is greeted by Viv and Bruce, they wanted to bring a few soldiers, but Jenna insisted this had to be done privately, there was something poetic about her doing this where no one could hear his screams, the same way no one heard yours.

“Here Bruce, take him and tie him down to the chair and wake him up.” Jenna commands, the fury she once welcomed in, back and angrier than ever.

Once Jameson wakes up, his eyes are met with a fiery brown. “Speak.” He laughs at her attempt to be intimidating, “Oh? We’re laughing I see, let’s see if those teeth will still be there when you laugh after I’m done with you.” Jenna balls up her fist and with so much might, punches him in the jaw, knocking him to the side a bit, immediately drawing blood out of his nose and gums.

“That all you got?” He challenges, “I made your little pet scream more.” That was it, that was Jenna’s last straw, no one knows what possessed her, but no one was mad about it, she claw gripped his throat, throwing punches at every part of his face, his blood splattering all over the place, painting Jenna’s white button up, the first 3 buttons now undone from the roughness she delivered.

And with every grin, laugh, snarky remark Jameson displays, Jenna’s punches got harder, one punch being so hard, he falls backwards taking Jenna down with him. Jameson was strong but Jenna was stronger, “Gio was right, y/n does have you wrapped around her finger.”

With one final blow, she nearly renders him unconscious, as she leaps up from him, Jenna mumbles “you don’t get to say her name.”

“Calm down, tiger,” he mutters as the blood pools up in his mouth, spitting it out he continues “she’s not who you think she is, not the angel you see her as.”

Having had enough, she gives him one last hurt, a kick to his ribs, almost promising she broke it as she heard something crack, swiftly followed by a blood curdling scream. “Take him away, deliver him back to Gio but make him crawl his way to him.” With no hesitation, Bruce unties him and drags him away, at Jenna’s side, Viv hands her sanitizing products to clean the blood off her hands, “go, y/n needs you, I can clean this up.” Like Bruce, Jenna leaves with no hesitation, she was a full-blown storm and she needed you to calm her waters down.

~~

Though it was nearly 3am, you had no interest in sleep, instead, you were lost in the silence of the penthouse, being so high up the business of the streets beneath you could not be heard. You thought about the last time you were here, the only time you had been here, before tonight, maybe you were a bit harsh, maybe she deserved it.

As you think about what might’ve happened if you didn’t reject Jenna’s advances, the silence around you allows you to hear an elevator coming up, hopping up quickly, to the best of your ability, you breathe through the stinging pain from your healing body and head out.

“Jenna?” You see a beaten-up Jenna staring at you, fresh from the elevator, only making a couple steps into her penthouse. Though she looked beaten up, the undone buttons, blood splatter all over her shirt, untuck and ruffled up, you knew she wasn’t the one who took the pain, rather, she was the one who gave it. “Jenna?” You say again, hoping this time, your voice would knock her out of her dissociative trance.

“Y/n.” Was all she could mutter out.

You walk closer to her, being inches away from her face, body warmth radiating, your hearts in sync once more, you get déjà vu as this replicates the first night you met her, something about her brown eyes gazing into your soul, as if she were reading every atom in you to know you. “Y/n.” Jenna jolts awake, “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t see me like this.” But before she could turn and leave, you grab her wrist stopping her.

“Stay with me, I don’t want you to leave.”

She slowly grazes her face to yours, her eyes now closed and so are yours, both noses hug each other like a puzzle piece, the speed of your heart now rising to a point you swear it was going to electrocute the both of you from all that static rush, but what Jenna says next would stop your heart.

“Kiss me.”

~~

a/n: did anyone catch the slight 4th wall break and the cigarettes after sex reference hehe. GOODNIGHT OMG IT’S 7AM😭🫶🏽 also smut in ch4 instead of 3 won by like 1 vote 💀

TAGLIST: @somegaybae @omega-horus @lonelym00n @iamthewoe @dksjskx @lazyturtle0-0 @jess-1-e @zaclewiss @lostgirl1415 @pitifulbinx @talialeih @amessbian @aiakum @user173781 @dvrkhcld @urmajestyalex

[toomuchracket]

that's why you haven't worn the outfit he liked best when you went shopping, didn't even consider it for tonight even though it's your favourite and would've looked great - you only want to wear that one if it's on a date with him. nobody else.

now we need the follow up where girlie does wear that outfit on one of their early dates and matty's reaction to knowing she saved it just for him

the first proper dinner date!! he's so polite, eagerly sitting in the living room in a nice outfit waiting for you to finish getting ready. the flowers he got you earlier are on the coffee table, the taxi is on its way, and he's poured you both a glass of the fancy champagne he nicked from a random awards show table lmfao - the vibes are perfect. and when you appear with a shy smile, hair done and makeup on and in the dress you bought almost a year ago because matty looked nothing short of enchanted when you stepped out of the fitting room wearing it... he's so in love he could cry. it takes him a second to pick his jaw up from the floor, but once he does he's over at you in a heartbeat, one hand finding its way onto your hip and the other feather-lightly moving a stray hair from your face, smiling down at you like "hi, beautiful girl. you look incredible"; you wrap your arms around his neck and beam like "you think so?", and matty pecks your lips like "i do. this is my favourite outfit of yours ever, by the way", and you beam even wider like "i know. and i've never worn it - wanted to save it for you, baby". matty actually has to pull back from you to just gawp like "wait are you serious? really? you were keeping it for me?", and you nod so shyly like "i was. been thinking about going out with you like this for a long time, you know", and he kisses you again like "me too, darlin. gonna be the best night, i reckon". it really is, actually - dinner is amazing, matty's perfect, and the sex when you get home... unreal. yeah, worth the wait to wear the dress, definitely <3

[one-winged-dreams]

Holy Flame's Gift (or whatever the fuck it's called)

ship: adri x leslie kyle, fm: adri & chocobo sam source: final fantasy vii word count: 1768

UHHH. UHHHHH. Christmas is in like three days and I'm NOT anticipating that shit lmfao, breaking in the new boy with trauma venting.

tag list: @dearly-beeloved @camellias-and-coriander @rebel-wolf13 @sunstar-of-the-north @mahitoslittlebird @goldenworldsabound @edencantstopfallininlove @sosoftandsweet @dorothys-wife @faerie-circle-ships @kylars-princess

Leslie had been present for what was possibly, if the timeline matched up, the beginning of Adri's spiral. Hanging around at the bar after hours, waiting for him to finish up and clock out, it had presumably all started with a conversation with his manager.

"Oh yeah, holidays are about to end. I'm gonna need you to put something festive together for the remaining week, think you can do that?"

Linda's request was reasonable enough, all things considered. It wouldn't be an unfair assumption to say that the usual patrons would get a kick or two out of some cheeky holiday spirit. The thought had Leslie's eyes rolling, but he clearly wasn't the only one with a less-than-enthusiastic response.

"N-No. No, that's stupid. I'm not gonna do that," Adri muttered, his air of confidence having plummeted to something mopey.

A perfectly drawn-on eyebrow raised as Linda regarded him.

"Uh, I'm kinda gonna have to insist. You're gonna clash with everyone else if you don't."

"NO!" the way Adri snapped startled both Linda and Leslie, though the latter was lingering near the back, pretending he wasn't listening.

"Geez, what's your damage tonight?" Linda made a point of rubbing her ear.

Adri's gaze burned, something that was hardly ever over something unwarranted.

"I'm not dressing for the STUPID FUCKING holidays, I'll call out if I need to. FUCK! Fucking ridiculous…" Adri trailed off with a mutter, grabbing his coat and making his way towards the exit without so much as closing his conversation OR addressing Leslie.

Linda and Leslie gave each other a look, both of their expressions an admission of ignorance. Leslie took this opportunity to take his leave and, upon exiting the bar, noticed that Adri was nowhere to be found. He huffed, shrugging to himself and taking this as to assume that Adri probably needed time to cool down. After all, he sure as hell wasn't getting mixed up in his personal business if Adri didn't want him to.

This had, again, presumably, led to the situation that Leslie currently faced.

It was a stupid notion in retrospect, he probably should have considered if a holiday gift was something within the realm of their dynamic. They had presented each other with little materialistic things before, but it had always been less ceremoniously. Obligation holidays were just that - an obligation.

But he had ignorantly figured that something USEFUL would circumvent the awkwardness of holiday obligation. It was nothing extravagant, nothing that even Leslie knew would be awkward to receive. Just a replacement for the more than worn tote bag that Adri carried around. A heartfelt gesture but a practical one.

Adri was at Sam's when Leslie had offered it to him. He hadn't wrapped it or put it in a cute bag or something stupid like that, but there was at least a cute ribbon wrapped around the strap. Even THAT he was embarrassed of.

Eyes widening in surprise was expected, the hard swallowing of a contracted throat not so much.

"Leslie, you… Why?" Adri's voice wavered, and it was when his shoulders began to tremble that Leslie suspected he had fucked something up.

"I mean. You know. Just thought I'd get you something because… Yeah. 'Sides. You needed a new one, bad," he tried to play off the gesture, make it less personal and more casual.

Not that that seemed to help in the slightest, as tears started forming in Adri's eyes.

"I… You didn't… You didn't have to DO that. I don't- Just don't worry about it, I didn't need anything. I didn't-" A shaky breath, "I didn't know you were gonna get me something, I don't have anything to…"

Leslie's eyebrows furrowed. He had been utterly unprepared for THIS type of awkwardness.

"I mean, you don't have to return the favor or anything. I just wanted to get you something you needed, might as well do it now," was all he could really come up with to try and de-escalate.

Adri hiccuped, and Leslie realized it was to cover a sob. This sort of emotional reaction was extremely uncharacteristic, and it was utterly unclear what was the best course of action to take.

"Just- Just go return it, get your money back. I'll… I'll pay you the difference if you can't. Fuck, just- I'm going home," Adri valiantly attempted to keep his voice from cracking or wavering, ultimately prevailing until the last sentence. Seemingly humiliated by his outburst, he pushed past Leslie and flung the door open, letting it slam shut on its own.

"Feelin' like you fucked up a bit there, aren'tcha?"

The sound of Sam's voice reminded Leslie that he had been there the whole time, holding his arms out in exasperation as he turned to face him.

"I figured something awkward, I didn't know he was gonna blow his top," Leslie scoffed. He sounded irritable, but genuine concern rang clear despite his tone.

"You know how tempermental he is. But is it ever baseless?" Sam folded his arms, Leslie becoming aware that he was hinting at something.

The connection was clear, everything Sam and Adri himself had told Leslie lining up like puzzle pieces. Taking off his hat, Leslie ran his fingers back through his hair in exasperation.

"Even over just a stupid holiday present?" he sighed, realizing his anger wasn't directed at Adri, or Sam, or anyone who didn't live ABOVE the plate.

Sam only responded with a nod and a hum of confirmation at first, but as he watched Leslie start to pace, he relented a bit more than he felt he should.

"When you've been raised the way he was, you start thinkin' everything's a weapon to be used against you. Even from the people that you love. Hell, maybe even especially."

Suddenly pensive, Leslie looked at the tote, the ribbon he had needed someone to teach him to tie into a cute bow now difficult for even him to look at.

"Fuck…" he sighed, shoving his hat back on his head. A moment of contemplation produced another sigh, and it was his turn now to walk away without closing the conversation.

When Adri opened the door, it was more than clear that he had been crying - hard. Leslie's presence seemed to startle him, a sniffle and a desperate swipe at his eyes being played off as if they were nothing. As if he were just greeting his boyfriend at the door.

"Oh, heyyyy. Did I forget something at Sam's?" Adri asked casually, not yet inviting Leslie in.

The latter tilted his head, gesturing.

"Uh, no, but can I come in? It's kinda cold out here…" he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, avoiding eye contact until he realized he was doing so.

"Uh," Adri started, pausing as his mouth opened, then shut, then opened again, "I mean, it's kind of a mess-"

"It's ALWAYS a mess. Either let me in or tell me to fuck off, just pick one please?"

The bluntness made Adri blink, his mouth staying shut for a moment before it was clear Leslie had made the right approach.

"Fine, since you're so desperate for my company."

The half-assed teasing and the way Adri opened the door to allow Leslie in was promising at least.

It was more than routine for Leslie to make himself at home, and things had eventually settled to the point where Adri was comfortable sitting next to him on the couch. But not before he was shifting around on his feet, trying to avoid it.

Now that he WASN'T, Leslie leaned back into the cushions, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

"It doesn't have to be a present," as he spoke, he elicited a jolt from Adri.

"I mean… You still didn't have to. I know I freaked the fuck out back there, but…" Adri punctuated by biting his lip.

"You're fine, I get it. You don't gotta apologize to me for that kinda stuff. I thought you knew that."

Adri's head turned to look at him, Leslie's eyes still closed and his arms resting on the edge of the couch. Utterly casual.

"Well I feel shitty about it, maybe I want to apologize anyway. Maybe it'll make me feel better."

Now Leslie's eyes opened, lifting his head and staring pointedly.

"So you're telling me even if you don't have to do something, you can just want to anyway. Is that it?"

A moment of ignorance ticked by as Adri's eyebrows furrowed, followed by the return of his opening and closing mouth as realization dawned on him.

"You-!"

"Listen. I'm not telling you you have to accept anything from me. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop. But I don't owe you anything, and you don't owe ME anything. Ever. You know I'm not gonna hold anything over your head, right?" Leslie leaned forward now, forcefully reaching over and grabbing one of Adri's hands. "Never. You don't have to put up with that shit anymore. Just… Trust me. Okay?"

The tears flowed once more, no surprise this time. They welled in Adri's eyes, and though he didn't let go of Leslie's hand, he began to desperately swipe at them again.

"Goddammit…! Did you put that together yourself or did Sam open his big fucking mouth again?" Hiccuping a sob again, he suddenly threw himself into Leslie's chest. Leslie choked for a second, releasing Adri's hand to hold his arms up before they inevitably wrapped around him. Beating him to words, Adri followed up weepily, "Fuck it, it doesn't matter."

Responding only with silence, Leslie just regarded the crying mess. The way their dynamic had subtly shifted throughout their acquaintance was… Staggering. After being relentlessly pursued by this flirtatious disaster, Adri lying against him, crying in an open display of emotional vulnerability, had Leslie wondering how he had gotten so comfortable with this. How this had become a natural occurrence, for both of them, even. He looked over at the bag, lying on the ground where he had shed it without Adri noticing.

"I love it, Leslie. Thanks."

Leslie was almost startled at that moment, blinking wildly as his gaze returned to Adri. Adri who lay against his chest, eyes closed and a teary smile adorning his lips.

"That's… good. I tried to fit your tastes. Your non-trashy ones, at least."

"You're sweet. I'll have to get you something cute in return."

"You don't-"

"But first, I think I'll give you something to hold you over until I do. It's already wrapped and everything. You should take care of that."

Leslie could only sigh.

[coredrill]

okayyyyyyyy initial bravern finale thoughts. i think i will be thinking abt this show for the next 7-10 business years so more to come ofc but. AH!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ISAMI SINGING THE OP LET THAT BE DIEGETIC TOO!!!!!!!!!! AND ALSO ON SPOTIFY!!!!!!!!!!

isami off his Fucking rocker at that one point like Yeah you deserve it king go OFF LMAO. i found that quite satisfying :] real talk tho for as much as i call him baby rice cracker all the time i really love him as a protagonist? like he just feels so damn human in the way he struggles so much but tries his best and then gets hit AGAIN but keeps trying again and again anyways. it's really good! and his whole arc of like. learning that he Can rely on others and with that reliance brings mutual care..............sobs

i love that piloting these fucking things just makes your hair grow. LMFAO

okay i know i've been complaining abt the translation of "bang brave" or whatever tf smith keeps saying before he dies BUT the reveal that that is just ANOTHER thing he's doing bc he's a Fucking Freak and isami thinks it's weird too KILLED ME. smith: "brave bang :]" isami: If You Say That Shit One More Time You're Sleeping On The Couch Tonight". what is wrong with you lewis smith!!!!!!!!!!

i wouldn't be atall surprised if this show got the ssssg treatment and got four million random manga/light novel spinoffs especially considering it's consistently like the most popular show in japan lmao. the lulu-superbia spinoff sounds like a lot of fun so i'd def be interested to see more in that vein!!! i need to learn japanese tho cause no way they're getting eng translations!!!!

i feel like. there is a specific Vibe of mecha thing that verum vita fits which Also includes dissonanza backarrow and uhhhh idk the name but that one mf who pops up in ep30ish of gaogaigar and is just kinda like. observing? like verum vita is not a court jester like the other two and this analysis does not go any deeper than Vibes but. it had me leo dicaprio pointing like. another one!!!

i'm literally obsessed with the unhinged worldbuilding in this show. like?

population is nine billion???

the suez canal is still blocked????

if you're gay you can just. Do That ???

like i love that they don't explain this shit either it's so funny to me. LMAO

something something smith can only express himself and his love for isami as bravern not just bc it gives him as a character/person separation from his Human Self but also. bc i wouldn't be surprised if that was The Way to get the queer stuff so blatant, bc he was in robot form rather than one human man saying "i love you" to another and then glomping him in an explicitly romantic sense after all the talk of riding and him being inside him. LMAO. this isn't a complaint beyond a vague shake of the fist at Corporations and TV Censors, just smth i think is REALLY interesting and which i had a surprising amount of fun watching play out from a story perspective :]

i feel like my hottest bravern take is and will always be that i really don't mind the 12eps LMAO. like i thought it provided a fun variety of Situations with which to deal with the DDs and it didn't give it enough time for the gimmick or mystery elements to start to feel old. also i am just generally of the opinion that most stories would work better if you wrote them to be told in X amount of time and then had to trim off like. 40% of that. so i know it's a personal thing but i think it worked well for bravern!!

i do wish we'd gotten to see smith and isami hug if only cause i think isami fuckin needs it. LMAO. but overall i'm satisfied w their arc, especially bc i think the whole "beyond bang brave" thing works REALLY well w smith returning to his human body. like as soon as superbia kicked it i had a feeling that would happen, and obv it's textually referring to isami/bravern/lulu's massive super robot powerup, but i also think it can just mean like. what happens After? cause smith keeps saying "bang brave" or whatever tf when he dies but to go Beyond that is to come back to life and experience a life where he can receive love, too (i.e., via cooking and food AND ALSO via Literally being brought back to life from bravern's heart. who had just merged with isami on a particle level or whatever lmao). so i'm rly satisfied with how it played out in the end :]

overall i think my only real complaint w the show on the whole aside from the military propaganda was that the boys looked like such fucking DERPS in half their shots. lmao. like obviously i'm biased cause i'm a sakuga whore and i actually rly do like their more realistic style a surprising amount cause i usually don't go for that sort of thing but uh. there's a reason that lulu is the human i gif most often and it's cause she always looked better than them by a long shot FSKDLJH. her character animation was consistently the best & most expressive and she was always the most on-model which. FUCKING DESERVED BTW. her arc was incredible and i'm so excited to rly think about her some more and dig into her as like. a rei ayanami clone (maybe even specifically rebuild? w the "your hair grows long inside your mecha" thing) but who takes control of HER OWN STORY TOO and is able to grow wildly beyond being that story point. like i love that she's taken care of too. agh she's really such an amazing character maybe i'll have to cosplay her too FKLDJSHF i'm rotating her in my brain So Much

overall that was really good and i really enjoyed it and i can't wait for the blurays <333 i love it when robot shows are made by people who love robot shows!!!!!

[milksuu]

deeply disappointed in myself i'm sorry in advance 🩵🩵 trying to form questions in my head as i type this like ?? wgat was that key doing in us but that'll probably be revealed in the next part ?? unless im an idiot and phel just got 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 like that 😶‍🌫️ sorry but i need him to get mc pregnant RIIIGHHHTTT NEOWWWWW 🙏🙏🙏 i beg of you please js put it in i'm so sorry i'm down bad rn but uh anyway !!?##]^ i anticipate what u have in store for pt 3 too bc anon had the right idea omg .. pregnancy ,,, repopulating the clan uchiha style u have my heart . AND MC MY SWEET ☹️☹️ so kind despite literally . being a captive ⁉️⁉️😭 free my girl (lying through my teeth btw, need to b stuck there forever). ALSO HELLO WHO WASHED US 😨😨 was it phel or some other lunari but oh my god , during that scene!!!!!!! the way u describe everything (vag😍) is mmmphhkjgf all i can do is gush over ur writing w no shame bc i need phel so bad, uhh chp dedicated towards eating mc out ?? ur insane actually. i love u sm ☹️☹️ the language n atmosphere lord save me bc what do yoy mean these rn't canon descriptors of lunari grounds, if riot isn't putting in the work then we hve writers like you god bless ☹️

also . LMFAOOO LOSER 😭😭 idiot stuck in the bath (need to b in there w him), oh and was it the noctum rhat paralysed him (he can paralyse me from my waist down 🩵) ? silly question but im a lil deranged rn after reading that my bad . mc was honestly such a sweetheart though, for treating him so well but we'll ignore the prior murder attempt. can't lose a baddie tonight ykyk ‼️‼️ what would happen though if . mc committed to it though err would phel just be a goner considering his state in the bathtub n all 😭

thats it from me rn bc it's late !! 🦦🩵

LMFAO! i loved reading this omg.

OK SO--yeah phel was just being a weirdo and decided to 'hide' the key inside of mc, cause why not.

ALL YALL WANTING BABIES WITH THIS MAN HAHA. hes literally insane. and you know what? VALID. but i'll be upfront and say it won't be happening in part 3, soowwwyyy. </3

also phel 100% washed mc. like, he literally made sure that mc had a warm bath, to the point he let the water get cold for himself. and well, yeah, he's a DUMMY who ran out of time before the side effects of the noctum completely started fckin up his insides and got trapped suffering in a cold bath HAHA. i also hc that there's no way this man ISNT dying every time he consumes it. and this mf knows it and will do it till he legit dies and alune knows this too. [*insert tragic bad ending here*]

and we actually aren't at a lunari camp just yet!!!! mc really is just in a tavern in like a neutral territory/town rn. and dont you worry, you'll know when we do get there, because in my mind, the place is GORGEOUS. like a freaking jeweled city inside the mountain and its BREATHTAKING. MAGICAL. STREAMS LOOK LIKE STARTLIGHT. FLOWERS ARE BIOLUMINESCENT. THERE ARE POCKETS OF MOONSHINE IN DARK CAVERNOUS ROOMS WHERE THE LUNARI BATHE COMPLETELY NAKED AND BOND AS FRIENDS/FAMILY/LOVERS. i rlly dont fckin know i wish riot would give us so much more lore to their territory. for both solari and lunari honestly. but yeah, we'll know soon enough!

and uh yeah if mc committed we wouldn't have a part 3 LMFAO.

once again, ty for the lovely msg anon!! <3<3<3

[jennilah]

fun first day in the office!!!

first of all they gave the best swag out of any studio ive worked for so far. nice notebook, one of those real nice pens, nice water bottle, a keychain, and two free items of my choosing from their studio shop :0 (i want the hoodie!! and maybe a hat!! idk yet!!)

its really so beautiful in the studio w their interior decorating and plants... even tho i got lost when looking for the bathroom and got lost tryin to leave the building for lunch bc its kind of like a maze and i know im gonna get lost again tomorrow :)

(my amazing birthday lunch btw was a happy meal)

anyway today i had fun even tho i was immediately given a fire to put out, due tomorrow. i warned them that i dont know what im doing yet bc im in the middle of training and i have all those fun first week tech issues slowing me down, but they dont seem to mind. i have a reputation now as "the fast animator." (bc my boss was my old boss lmfao he knows me very well) welp, we will see how fast i am tomorrow LOL ill certainly try my darndest

at some point i had a small legion of other animators behind my desk trying to figure out what was causing my next weird niche issue. everyone is SO friendly

AND random anecdote but ill have you know two people in public today complemented my slasher nerd bag and one person wanted a picture to show their horror fan friend. hell yeah

and now, i considered goin to the movies for my birthday evening bc u kno i practically live in the theater, but i actually kinda want to just chill tonight and smoke my last osheaga joint and eat yummies, so that is what i shall do

[becauseplot]

Alright party people, I just finished Episode 1 of Ordem Paranormal: Calamidade! :D My options for tonight were either work on a drawing or do a "journal" post but I just love screaming into the void (and I have to write this before all the lore I have a by-the-finger-nails grip on slips out of my head) so the choice was obvious.

First of all, I've had a closer look at the intro, and...what's really weird is that the first time I watched the intro, I saw this particular frame and I was like, "Huh, that's weirdly familiar," but I couldn't place it and thus assumed it was a to-be-revealed location BUT THEN IT HIT ME

IT'S THE MANSION FROM ONSF! The painting of the infamous "caverna" is a dead give-away. In my defense it's on screen for like 1.2 seconds. Love the detail of the door to the basement being blasted off and how the paint drips out of the painting, like it's alive. (Love love love this picture, might just make it my wallpaper or something.)

The others are less clear to me. The one on the left has a sword (Veríssimo's? Arnaldo's/Thiago's?) on top of what looks to be a Scoundrel Vultures jacket, a black book, and some sort of ritual, with the Ordo symbol behind it... The purple room could be some sort of callback to the Energy occultists from OPD ep 7? Assuming all of these are, indeed, callbacks.

There are of course the silhouettes standing with Kian but eh, I don't wanna look too much into the intro sequence. We'll get there when we get there.

Anyway episode! Was good! One thing I really liked about this one was the built-in "downtime" to allow the players to just be silly and free with their characters, like with Rubens and Balu playing pool and the team choosing seats on the plane. (Jesus Christ the plane seating scene killed me lmfao.) Not to diss on OPD but for me that's what that season was lacking, so I didn't have *quiiiite* as much fun with it. And we could get into that but this is supposed to be about OPC. Just a noteworthy difference. Downtime lets us develop the characters outside of their missions and see parts of them that you might not see when it's time to Focus and Plot and Do Things, and it means the characters can bond as friends!

(Depicted: average Balu moment.)

Oh and bond they do. Trauma bond that is. Speaking of trauma TEAM VULTURES :D And Arthur once again talking about "passing the torch" and I have. A normal amount of thoughts. About this idea. Ever since Arthur brought it up in OPD I've just been. FOAMING at the mouth at this idea. Because it's true, right? The Order passes the torch, again and again. Agents pick up the torch, run with it as far as they can, and survive just long enough to pass it onto the next agent, the next team, the next generation, on and on and on; and they have no idea if the fighting will ever be over. It's like a relay race with no clear end. All they have is their hope that the next person can carry that torch a little further, and that all their work and suffering will not have been in vain. It's. Deeply profound. Especially coming from a character like Arthur, as he himself has become a symbol of this torch-bearing theme in the series. I love the fact that this idea is being expanded on in this series since, again, Arthur was the one who brought it up in OPD when the group was talking and looking at the letter Joui left Kaiser before he was masked.

There's a good amount of...I suppose similarities developing between Arthur and Veríssimo. Both having leadership roles, both feeling the loss of their fellow agents so deeply, as if losing family, both understanding the need to just keep moving forward, moving on with life, because what else can you do? And yeah, kind of redundant to say it, considering the fact that Arthur has straight-up been referred to as being unofficially Veríssimo's right hand, as well as all of those character moments between Arthur and Veríssimo during the OPD finale. "Arthur! Eyes always open!" And of course the hug later on. SCREAMING. There's a lot to chew on here.

Oh, but the lore! The lore is lore-ing! The old couple made some sort of deal with the Devil that we don't know the specifics of but it seems it was to lure the team to the house where the Child-monster eventually showed up, and it seems they've held up their end of the bargain. No idea what the deal was for though. In any case, Arnaldo's Grimoire has revealed more secrets---new pages concerning the Devil case Arnaldo worked 20+ years ago that seems to be echoing now, specifically about a circus that traumatized people (a fountain of Fear, perhaps?) and some brothers who were trying to resurrect the Devil. Maybe that's what the circus was for? Whatever happened, the Devil wasn't summoned and instead they made a creature that traumatized Eusébio. Probably. See the issue is I can never tell if I'm the right amount of confused in this series, or if I'm so confused I'm misunderstanding things that should've been clear to me by now. Ah well, leave me to my confusion, for it is all I have.

Anyway, they're hEADIN TO ITALY WA HOOOOOO VACATION LOOK AT HOW HAPPY THEY ARE!!

Btw literally all of Guaxi and Rakin's OOC shenanigans give me life. Putting them next to each other at the table was the best decision ever. I've decided to start head-canoning all of Rakin's expressiveness and swearing as Dante's inner monologue but Dante's 😐-ass just doesn't let it show Ever. Thinking back on it, I don't think Dante has ever willingly engaged in the Sillies like other characters do, if at all. Props to Rakin for staying consistent with that because a, that's gotta be hard with a group as silly as this, and b, it seriously helps build Dante's apathetic, no-nonsense personality. And he's apathetic, no-nonsense without falling into the pitfall of typical "unfeeling aloof asshole" character! Dante cares and feels deeply, he just won't make a dick-joke, you know? In summary, good character building, I love <3 (But seriously I need ONE scene where someone in the group in-character gets not just Rakin but Dante to crack and laugh at something stupid. I need it so bad. Let it be Arthur it would heal me.)

Right, anyway, so, Italy! As I was in the discord getting ready to comment on how sweet and nostalgic the music for the Leone Mansion was, Carina opened the door and. Well.

*hiss through teeth* Yeahhhhhh. Nevermind on that one, chief.

I really loved this moment for Carina, though. I took Gabi's million billion questions to Cellbit about the surroundings (is there anything moving, how many bodies, if she immediately recognized anyone, etc) as Carina's mind attempting to parse this deeply disturbing scene in the only way it knows how: investigation. Of course, she has an emotional reaction a beat after, but for a moment, her brain just immediately went into work-mode, and the emotions hit in a second wave of realization---processing the scene first and then processing it, you know?

And then we had that moment between Carina, Dante, and Arthur where Carina...I believe she took a step back and sat down on the steps? If not then she at least took a step back, and Dante took her hand and reassured her that they were there for her. If Arthur doesn't do it here, then post blood zombie fight when Carina sits down in the chair, Arthur puts his hand on her shoulder to reassure her as well. And Carina asks Dante to check the bodies for her family crest. And Dante finds the crest. And he lies to her, and she notices immediately, and she thanks him anyway. I'm. They're so much. The Greater Ordo Realitas Trauma Bond is growing.

In other news, putting this joke from the discord here because Balu, I love you, but you make a better door than a window, if you get what I'm saying.

The combat this episode was pretty good! Of course there was Balu being Balu, but Clarissa was a fucking badass holy shit, and CARINA WITH THE BEASTIAL BLOOD ZOMBIE ONE-CYCLE???? And Arthur and Rubens hit a few really good shots too. Dante hearing Carina screaming when she got tackled by the other bestial blood zombie and charging in there with his Decadence/Decay ritual already half-formed on his lips lives in my brain now. (The👏trauma 👏bond👏)

Oh yeah and Kian and Gal were here (hate them) and they brought a bunch of Escriptas and massacred the entire Leone Family (hate them even more) and it seems like they're working with the Devil? Like from the fucking Bible? Hello sir??? Probably not actually from the Bible but like. That's the fucking Devil. He just. Kinda exists. Okay! First time we encounter a Paranormal "creature" that seems to be at least...somewhat sentient? It's usually either feral creatures or Occultists, this guy seems to be a bit of a planner/deal-maker so he's gotta have something like a brain working up there but like. Mans not really human-looking anymore huh. Incheresting.

Oh and I kinda forgot. Rubens! Talking with Clarissa! Johnny most definitely horror'd :( My buddy Factorial pointed out that the flannel that Rubens is wearing around his waist looks exactly like Johnny's so uh. Yeah. Oh, and the contrast between Clarissa's "get your head in the game, we have a mission, I know you can do this" talk with Rubens on the plane and Dante's "I know this is horrible, we're here for you" talk with Clarissa on the steps of the mansion is astounding. Clarissa definitely feels very detached from the group, but I suppose that's rather the point of her character, right? Untethered? Aloof? I still believe in the strength of the Greater Ordo Realitas Trauma Bond, though I don't know if it'll be enough to save her since Cellbit oh so loves to kill off his NPCs in horrific ways <33

Anyway that's it for now. Some other screenshots I have from the discord just for safe keeping. Wa hoo!

[nonclassyparty]

i wonder what's everyone favourite chapter of svoh. because all of them are on different level of pain. SO WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE??? like the one you could read all over again.

mine would be when you end it. it's insane. the way i thought oh maybe maybe finally mc love herself enough to not counting days for things to end, but no she didn't. not yet.

like it show really so much about how you need to love yourself first before anything, you know? but i like all of it! i like her relationship all of them! like (SPOILER ALERTT)

with yunho(the very first heartbreak so outside the pain it bring me rage),

yeosang (the real enjoyer part but still side eye for sleeping with mc roommate),

hongjoong (OH HE DOES PISS ME OFF mostly because he ghosted her and make her doubt herself all over again),

seonghwa (man this one actually hurt because they point out each other flaws like they're going on a hunt)

AND YUNHO AGAIN (oh this one bring me pain too but i cheered at the fireplace scene like yes burn it burn his house too jk),

wooyoung (crying bleeding throwing up for this one you know why it's so obvious),

jongho one makes me want to put him on a nice coffin and throw him 6 feet down,

mingi. when i read the title i need to take a longggg breath because wtf. how can you cheat for months? WITH YOUR HIGHSCHOOL EX? FUCK YOU. his character can appear in front of me any time of the day and i will kick his ass as hard as i could (by all mean, i'm serious) not to mention mc's mother death this is 100% pain for me but there's the yunho closure so yeah

and san chapter is SUPER DUPER WHOLESOME. I LOVE IT. he's everything. and mc is finally alright at this part. she finally love herself, and met with someone who loves her and themselves just the same is important for her. i love to see her growth. and i love her kids! i love their fight to hehe. (when i read the ask about how you firstly consider yunho as the ending i nearly choked but yeaaayyy thank you for this)

so yeah i love the series so much i can't help but to wonder how others think about it. ESPECIALLY YOU. i love this series so much i sometimes have beef with it.

🌙-

OUUUUUUUUU interesting!!!!! this might be a little long of an answer but i'm in the mood to talk tonight so lets gooooooooo..

well each chapter has moments that i really enjoyed writing and all of them have parts from my own life and experiences that i stitched into them. that series was literally my baby and what i decided to use to introduce myself to you guys on tumblr so it's really important to me. but i do have my favorites hehe

for yunho (first part) it was the childhood friendships and describing the way their relationship grew since they were kids, all the changes you go through when you're a teenager and of course, the first love and the innocence of it all. also it brought up memories of my own childhood and high school years and out of all the chapters this one was the most personal one. it was just a joy to write. now that i'm older (not that old but in college lmfao) i feel like i didn't appreciate those years enough so it was really a nice way to start the series.

then there was wooyoung's part because it was almost like writing a summer romance (if you ignore the overload of angst lol). i think i managed to make his character someone ideal to meet in college, especially after you just got fucked over by an ex and i liked how it turned out altho i'm not a 100% satisfied with it, i feel like i could've inserted a lot more of their relationship (the happy times) into it but still, it's a favorite. i always enjoy writing about summer which you probably noticed from wooyo's part, san's part (i think mingi's, hwa's and jongho's as well but i can't remember now lol) and you will from the final part of starring role. so by default, wooyoung's part has a high spot on my list lol.

and THEN san's part. san's part was just pure daydreaming lol the last chapter was just a way to comfort myself (and everyone out there who feels like me maybe) that in life eventually you will find the right person and it will be someone completely unexpected. i liked how i wrote the relationship between san and y/n the most out of all the other parts. i loved how i developed his character in y/n's eyes from the annoying boy she sat next to at a party when she was in high school to the man she ends up marrying.

can you tell that yunho, wooyoung and san are my bias line from this? 😭 they're all nepo babies getting the best parts of my stories

[tiny-tokunaga]

Tagged by @woundedheartwithin Thank you!!!!!! :3

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better.

Currently reading: Kaihoku by Kimura Takuya!

Last song: Peace! by SMAP

Currently watching: Mom and I just started watching HERO again tonight LOL. I've lost count of how many times we've watched it now. WHOOPS. By myself, I'm watching SMAPxSMAP from the beginning and the last episode I watched was the 1998.08.17 episode!

Current fic: (assuming this means current fic I'm reading) we become light by tsuristyle! I haven't read many SMAP fics, and normally I'm not an AU type person, but this one is HUGE and I can't wait to see where it goes?????

Writing? Well I have a few WIPs that are as old as 9 years now (OUCH) for FEA that someday I'd like to finish, I've got a kaigami one I started that I haven't touched since I accidentally deleted it (I had a back up, but I have to rewrite a lot still) :'), and finally I've been replaying pokemon shield and have been writing snippets of a very indulgent OC fic LMAO.

Current obsession: SMAP, Kimura Takuya, Judgment/Lost Judgment, pokemon, crochet, practicing Japanese to English translation, and my baby niece LMAO

Next on watchlist: if my mom wants to watch something new to both of us, then Hito ni Yasashiku or Koi ni Ochitara, I think. If I can convince her to get over her dislike of sci fi, I'd really love to get her to watch Ando Lloyd, I've been dying to rewatch that LOL.

Tagging: as always, I love being tagged in these things but feel awkward tagging other people LMFAO, so if you see this and wanna do it, consider yourself tagged by me!!!!

[meetmeatthecoda]

Somehow, even though I haven't watched in years - and am 0% tempted to tonight - I've still got this tiny sliver of anxiety about the ending of The Blacklist. Is that crazy? It's like I know they can't possibly wrap up the story in a way I'll be happy or satisfied with (and after the 8th season I mostly gave up caring about what happens in "canon")...and yet I'm sure when I hear about what happened in the finale it's going to feel like one last, poorly written gut punch.

How are you feeling about tonight?

Hiya, anon ❤️ Ugh, can I just say that you summed up my tangle of feelings absolutely perfectly? 🥺 More specifically, no, that is not crazy at all. I am in the same place as you with not caring about any of it anymore - not since 8.22 ripped my fucking heart out - & I literally can't think of anything I'd like to do less than watch the series finale. But even in the years since 8.22, there was still that awareness that the show was still out there somewhere, even if I only heard drips & drabs, & I scoffed at it all, & I didn't give a tiny rat's ass what happened. And while that remains true, the fact that it's OFFICIALLY ending (despite the fact that it ended for us two years ago) is... a little sobering. For me, I think it's a reminder of the pain & grief of The Terrible Awful™️ 😓

Also, yes, anon, I completely understand the sliver of anxiety & dread... I felt the same thing when I heard that they were finally blessedly cancelled & again when I realized the last ep was coming up... I can only speak for myself, but I think it's bc I still care at least a little about Red &, deep down, I still want a happy ending for him, even though I fully believe he can't have one without Liz. But I have zero faith in TPTB & I'm sure they will make it a nebulous, "cool" ending with no real answers, like always, or they'll confirm godforsaken R*darina, or they'll just kill off Red because they're incapable of writing anything else. And I'm sure every other aspect of it will be disappointing, like Ressler being the hero or something (LMFAO) & it will be awful all around. I have no other expectations & I suppose I have to either accept it and/or ignore whatever happens AND/OR consider it all a crap AU & Lizzington as our canon. But the way you describe it, "one last, poorly written gut punch", perfectly describes how I feel. I tell myself that none of it matters anymore - it's not like we're getting a Lizzington ending lolz - but I think I'm just afraid of being hurt again bc, for all my posturing, I know TPTB still have the power to do that, simply bc I still care just a tiny bit. Despite all the heartbreak I've already felt... a little remains of the show, the characters, & my heart for them to destroy 💔

Idk if that made any sense at all, anon, but I hope I communicated at least 3 things: 1) you're not alone in the way you feel, 2) the ending will probably hurt & ache & betray in just the way we're afraid of, & 3) we simply have to deal with the residual hurt, know that TPTB failed us & it's not our fault, &... cherish what we had by holding our Lizzington AU close to our hearts & keeping them alive through fanfic... at least, that's what I plan on doing. So, feel free to drop another ask if you want to talk more, anon, I would certainly love to commiserate & work through our feelings together tbh, & btw I'm very flattered you came to my ask box with this & wanted to know how I feel, thank you for being so sweet. In the meantime, hang in there, anon, you're definitely not alone, & much love to you, my friend ❤️

[fantasticcloudcreation]

September 16

111.3 - I guess we're getting there, it's just going so slow...

Still trying to get my shit together, organizing the stuff I'm keeping in storage vs donating, I feel like I do this at least once a year and somehow it never seems to get better. I'm a collector and I get attached to things... Dreaming of having my own house one day with an art studio and a library and a thousand shelves for all my knick knacks. One step at a time, the step right now is just getting the stuff sorted out and at least marginally better than when I started; so far I've got 3 bags of donations, 1 bag of trash, many bins for storage... Haven't even started on the van yet but I guess that might have to wait until tomorrow.

Wanted to go to the dispensary today bc they have 20% off edibles but I'm just so mushy and brain dead from this organization process, the thought of driving down the street is just exhausting lol guess I'm paying full price for them tomorrow 🤡

Feeling very low energy. Didn't even feel excited about the number on the scale even though it's the lowest I've seen all year. Drinking tea right now trying to get some energy back up so I can finish this cursed task and move on...

Bigger picture : everything is working out. In a week I'll be halfway across the country starting work again; haven't done a full festival build like this since, April??? Yikes I'm gonna be so sore. But my body is gonna love the exercise, and with no one paying attention to what I'm eating I'm sure I'll lose a lot more over the next couple months. This place always hits me with unnecessary stress and depression but as soon as I get back on the road everything will be fine. Relax and trust the process.

Good things : my XS hiking pants that have been in storage finally fit! Even if this organization process feels like Sisyphus and his giant rock, it's still like 1/3 improvement over how it started, next time will be easier. I have a whole collection of cool items and useful art supplies and I'm finding all these great things I forgot I had, I feel like I'm going shopping without spending any money, one day I'll get to have them all in my house and for now, it's fine! I'm almost done, one more day, then I'm headed to Texas where I get to work with all my friends/hang out at the hotel/see cool bands (and I'm not at LL which I'm very grateful for...) and I'm gonna make money and learn new things and challenge my body and create stronger friendships with coworkers. Even if I don't leave til Wednesday I'll still have 6 days to drive there which will be fun and relaxing and not a crazy mad dash across the country like I usually do. Even if I don't buy edibles on the discount day I still get to buy them from a reputable source and I won't have to be paranoid about bud in TX.

Did I mention that my XS hiking pants actually fit?? I don't think they fit even when I got them, they still had the tags on them and one pair is still in the packaging. It feels nice to actually be getting skinny again; thinking about how big I felt leaving TX in May, 4 months later I'm heading back to TX, 10 pounds down and it feels like I'm on a roll with it. Not as much as I wanted considering it's been 4 months but at least it's been consistent and I haven't really been trying that hard, intermittent dieting vs enjoying my life with food and alcohol, it's felt like a good balance and it's nice to see I can still make progress without being insane about it. Feels more sustainable this time too. I'll probably be under 110 by the time I get to TX bc I'm lazy about food while road tripping lol. Unfortunately I just checked the weather and it's gonna be in the 90s, oof, glad I got a lil taste of fall before I head over there but yikes it's gonna be hard to readjust to the heat...

I'm so sleepy bc I accidentally stayed up til 3am knitting a hat lmfao, had a moderately productive morning and now I'm dilly dallying so hard but I'm almost done, will be done by tonight... Ultimately I just need to relax because everything is fine and I'm blessed in so many ways and I'm grateful for this weird silly journey that I'm on, life is weird and fun and full of ups and downs, I'm about to travel through a portal and end up in a new environment and a new phase of life! Grateful to spend so much time with my family this summer, grateful for all the opportunities popping up in my life. Surrendering and relaxing and getting through the sticky parts one step at a time.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #127

What’s the best part about flying? The view.

Who did you last have a deep and meaningful conversation with? It wasn't like, MEGA deep, but Girt. He was confiding in me about something last night.

Any vacations planned? No, we basically never go on vacations. Doesn't mean I don't want to, traveling just isn't cheap, at all.

Which friend have you known the longest? That is still in my life in a way more than like, acquaintances by now, Summer.

Do you have a Facebook? I do.

What do you want for Christmas? That's quite a ways off, but at this moment I think my primary wishlist item will be a new phone. I'm just so done with the one I have.

How many people have you liked this year? I've only loved Girt, romantically.

Do you have any celebrity crushes? old German men apparently lmfao, still also love Markiplier as an individual tho, but that actual hyperfixation has passed.

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? If they're both single and want to, sure, why not. What I DON'T like though is leading people on, like making them chase a relationship with you while you refuse to commit. Then of course there are platonic kisses, which I think is generally fine, but it does depend on various things.

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Yes, two that I can think of. Neither is dangerous information or anything like that at all, they're just private things I don't share with anybody.

How many email accounts do you have? Two that I use.

Who is the best cook in your family? I wanna say my younger sis Nicole, honestly.

Which baby animal is your favorite? OBVIOUSLY meerkats. Very honorable mention to kittens though, I think they're also super fuckin cute.

Twitter or Tumblr? 100% Tumblr, I don't even use Twitter.

Favorite YouTuber? EVEN though I don't really watch him anymore (besides life update stuff), it's still Markiplier overall. Incredible and endlessly inspiring human being. I'm most into WATCHING either Game Grumps or John Wolfe these days, though.

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No, I would NEVER fucking tolerate that.

Was your first kiss romantic? I think it was. It was super fucking cute more than anything.

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Girt. Oh, and Herb (grandmother's husband, not my mom's dad, and they were married for a super short period), the same night. I'm really glad Girt was here because it made me really uncomfortable that this random old man I don't consider family at all/barely know was sleeping directly across the hall from me... aaaaand it's happening again tonight, Herb literally popped up unannounced very shortly before I started this survey to stay here again for the night as a pitstop on his way back home. Mom had no idea this was the day he'd be here and isn't thrilled lmao, girl same.

What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? I'll go with just Jason here, as he's the only other guy I've seriously dated, and Sara is demi anyway so doesn't really fit this question. I'd be VERY surprised to learn this, but I mean, I'm sure he'd say the same about me being openly pan now. People are full of surprises.

How many people has your best friend had sex with? One.

When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? We "dated" LITERALLY less than 24 hours, but I guess in technicality Juan. Which I'm not stoked about. He randomly reached out to me close to a week ago (suspiciously under a COMPLETELY new FB name????) after years of not talking, and I have no idea what he even wants yet, since there's been so few replies between us so far. I have QUITE the list of reasons to not trust him, but I'm trying really hard to just be a nice person and give him the benefit of the doubt that he's grown as a person, but I'm remaining distant no matter what. If he wants to be in contact on there, fine, but it's not going ANYWHERE beyond that.

Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? No, I never do that honestly. I mean one, people can be busy and still attached to the Internet, so I just don't feel the need to try covering up me being online. That and the only people I really ever talk to KNOW I'm always on the computer or messing on my phone anyway lmao, I ain't foolin nobody.

Do your siblings text you? No, honestly, unless they need something (like if they can't reach Mom) or they're telling me happy birthday. I will say Ashley checks on me more than Nicole (which is very, VERY literally never), though.

Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? lmao yes

Who is your ex dating/talking to? I don't know or care. 2015 Brittany would have NEVER believed she'd be saying that (and especially confidently meaning it) one day.

Who did you last pinky promise with? Girt, I'm sure. He's the only person I really do it with these days, because he knows I like them.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? I grew up sharing a room with Nicole once she was born two years after me, yeah. Didn't get my own until I was already a teenager, when Ashley moved out for college.

What happened at the last party you went to? It was a three-year-old's bday party, so lots of kids yelling and stuff, haha.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? He's always had a charming smile, but beyond that, no. Especially as an adult now that realizes how fucked up it was that he even wanted a relationship with me when I was 15, I'm completely unattracted to him as an individual.

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? My mama.

Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? I'd be absolutely devastated, but it's not something I actively think and worry about, but I accept it's always possible, and I'll survive if it unfortunately does. I will NEVER relive the Jason breakup situation, fucking ever.

Does anyone know your Facebook password? No. Well, Mom might have an old one logged somewhere; once upon a time she kept track of us kids' online accounts.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah, not for myself personally.

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? I've learned through Nicole's career as a children's social worker that I CANNOT handle hearing about certain degrees of abuse towards children, especially when it includes sexual abuse. Like nobody WANTS to hear about that, ever, but she encounters the most batshit insane bullshit you could possibly even imagine, and she's learned that if she's telling Mom about various things that've happened at work, I generally can't be present because I get so fucking upset. It just blows my goddamn mind, the kind of beasts who can pop babies out left and right to ruin, and then there are couples who desperately want children to spoil the shit out of (we know a very specific couple that is this exact description), but can't manage to. It's literally evil.

What was the last thing you cleaned? Besides my own body, my keyboard, I think.

What’s something you have been putting off? I've been putting off finishing and putting stuff up on my Etsy for MAAAAANY months now. I want to do it, but I don't have my own bank account or cards of any sort, so I'm going to have to use my mom's, and idk, I just feel so weird talking to her about it so I just keep... not doing it.

What restaurants do you frequently eat at? Uh I'd say we get like, takeout most often from places like McDonald's or Sonic. We've both been more into Taco Bell than usual lately too, because we've started going to a new location that's super close to us and basically EVERYTHING they make is so much better than other locations we've been to.

Do you like banana pudding with a lot of bananas or more vanilla wafers? I actually really dislike banana pudding, and just banana-flavored things in general (usually).

How many books would you guess you’ve read in the last 5 years? Oh I have no idea, but a depressingly low number, I'm certain.

What was the last message you sent? Haha I was telling Girt about Herb just... Manifesting here

Is it currently warm where you are? UGH yes, at the moment I'm answering this question, it's 81*F out. This is the first day at PT where I really struggled with overheating (Mom's car doesn't have AC so I ALREADY came too warm), like the therapist for the day was really concerned. I just had to sit and drink water more than usual, and we eventually got a wet rag to help me cool off, because I just wasn't otherwise.

Have you ever fallen out of bed? Not that I remember, no.

What do you like on your hot dogs or burgers? I'm suuuuper basic with hot dogs, I generally just want ketchup and mustard. SOMETIMES a little bit of very finely diced onions is fine; they can get overwhelming fast. I'm more open to variety with burgers, but I generally go for ketchup, mustard, pickles, onions (once again, not too many at all), and occasionally bacon. I'm also fine with some amount of mayo on there, but not an overwhelming amount, and I never ask for it as an addition; I only have it if it comes with what I'm ordering.

Are you currently listening to anything? I've???????????? been bingeing that old "If I Had You" Adam Lambert song?????????????? like all day????????????????? fr there are just instances where my music interest for the day just throws me a total curveball, haha. I've been listening to more pop than I used to, for sure.

What’s something you like that is blue? The ocean, especially the really clear and aquamarine-looking ones!!

Have you ever traveled alone? Well I mean, I navigated airports/flew alone going to and coming back from Sara's.

Would you say you are toxic in any way? Let's be pure fuckin honest here: everybody, EVERYBODY, has been and is capable of being toxic in various situations. I myself handled the Jason breakup in an INCREDIBLY toxic manner, and I'm sure that's exactly why he blocked me online. Realistically, there's got to be more cases where I was toxic, that's just the big one that instantaneously comes to mind. We are all imperfect humans, and so we behave imperfectly regularly, and sometimes that includes behaving with toxicity, even when we entirely don't mean it. Now, do I think I as a whole am a generally toxic person, no, I don't at all. I at least try very hard to be the opposite.

What’s one of your favorite memories from the past year? Feeling my legs improve because of physical therapy. PT has been a fucking blessing, and I've still got more sessions to go.

What are some books you’d recommend to someone? My immediate go-to is probably ALWAYS going to be Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo, an anti-war novel that really gained popularity (this is also how I discovered it) when Metallica wrote a song, "One," based off of it; the music video is even full of clips from the movie that followed the book. Both are great, but the book is an especially soul-crushing experience that leaves you haunted as shit, like it is ART.

Are you a gold digger? Absolutely not.

Describe the last dream you had: Actually I won't, it was one of THE WEIRDEST dreams I've ever had and NOBODY needs to know the details lmfao, I wish I didn't.

Have you ever been screwed over relationship-wise? Explain: Prefacing: Jason wanting to leave me was fine. I was affecting his mental health. HOWEVER, refusing to communicate how you were struggling with dealing with my depression and breaking up with me after 3 1/2 years over Facebook Messenger and then wanting absolutely, positively nothing to do with me wasn't. It was such a sudden, abrupt split that he performed in an incredibly cowardly manner and showed NO interest in trying to ease the blow to me, someone he supposedly wanted to marry and have a family with. Interesting to note I didn't even BEGIN to heal from the trauma until we met around a year and a half later to actually talk and allow me to find any degree of closure, and I know even that alone wouldn't have done it if I wasn't going to 7-hour therapy sessions for over a month every single weekday at the same time.

Have you ever danced in the moonlight? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO THE ODDS OF THIS QUESTION COMING AFTER THAT^, we don't talk about this anymore<33333

Have you ever been with someone but wanted to be with someone else? That was the other part of the reason I left Girt the first time we tried dating, because I thought I liked Sara. The irony of that today, lmao.

What did you do last night? Girt and I finished the second season of Dark and then we were in bed until he needed to go home to get enough sleep to not be a zombie at work today.

Do you have a significant other? If you do, are you kind of crushing on someone else? Yeah, but I'm not even slightly into anyone else. If I was, I wouldn't stay in this relationship because that'd be completely unfair to him.

Have you ever had a threesome? No, I am way too monogamous for that.

[tabooty-call]

have you ever considered giving up the blog to someone else if you've lost your interest in twewy? i'd like to ask what about the sequel made the experience so negative for you, but thank you for sticking around despite not having the heart for it anymore

OH don't worry, it's not the sequel! it's just a group of people i was in when the sequel came out RIP

that said... i'd love to do that, but i don't think i had anyone interested last time i asked last year? unless i left the second post in drafts... actually i think that's what happened. lmfao.

i'll look around again! not tonight but. Soon!