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box-architecture · 8 months

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CKAU: Part One of ???

I often find myself struggling to write the first chapter of the Communication Knife AU.

When I first started writing awesamdream, it was me spitballing ideas in the dreblr minecraft server when it first opened, and trying to have fun with a ship that, at the time, wasn't considered A Big Thing, or was purely for whump purposes. And while writing for an AU, Sif was also there, poking and tormenting lovingly as a Sif does, and mentioned the concept of Auspisticism, a homestuck relationship, in regards to Dream, Sam, and Punz. And then one thing led to another, and now I have this big thing that makes me happy and had grown a lot bigger than I expected it to, and there's so many little drabbles and snippets and smut pieces that came out of it, that by the time new people started asking what the hell I was talking about, I realized that the context wasn't properly put together and hard to explain.

So I tried to put together a whole fic for it! And it hasn't been going well.

Because I really want to do the fic justice. I want to make it sound really lovely and use all the right words and explain very well all the things that made me insane so you can understand just the way it went when all this started! But in trying to do that, it's become so hard to write. I feel stuck, the words won't come, I overthink and overedit, and nothing is good enough.

But I still really, really do want to explain the AU so you can understand. And i know it won't be the perfect, well designed thing I built in my head, with all the write prose and all the little extra fancy things, but I'd rather you have it imperfectly than not at all.

Here you go, part one of ???:

(Sam: he/him

Dream: he/him

Punz: they/he

just to make sure.)

When things get bad for Dream in prison, he offers Sam sexual favors in return for better treatment, food/blankets/etc., and Sam agrees to this, regardless of the terrible ethics involved. Its not a great situation, for like, Obvious Reasons, and the consent is very much dubious here. Sam's possessive behavior is at its peak, and even if there ends up being less torture as part of the deal, it doesn't change that things are still fucked up.

When Dream escapes prison and finds Sam during Daedalus Arc, after scarring Sam, Dream offers to meet up to have sex again next week, out of a need to feel in control, to prove how he was Totally Not Traumatized he was and how he was absolutely fully capable of consenting to it, and the two continue their sexual activities.

However, Punz, who has been in a comfortably open relationship with Dream since before prison, bristles at the idea of Sam taking advantage of Dream, of the severe power imbalance still being a problem, and comes with him to these sexual encounters to protect him and keep Sam from pushing Dream's boundaries. They set up some rules, and if Sam breaks any or steps out of line, Punz will stab him with a special, gaudy blue knife that has 'Communication' engraved in its handle.

"He tortured you!"

"Technically it was Quackity who did the torturing." Dream corrected him, meticulously sorting his inventory. Their base felt suffocating, tiny, and he wanted to be done and gone already, but Punz seemed ready to fight him the whole way.

"Don't give me that shit," Punz snapped. "Sam let him in, he starved you half to death, for God's sake, Dream, he r-"

"It was not." At breakneck speed, Dream turned on his heel and hissed. "I said yes. Don't you dare say I didn't."

"You weren't in a position to say no." Punz said fiercely. Something dark and angry crushed their heart in its fist. "You didn't have any choice-"

"I had a choice!"

The world seemed to stop moving, the air stale. Dreams breaths were shaky, heaving, and Punz realized with a lump in their throat that Dream was trembling from stress.

"I had a choice." Dream repeated. "And it was mine. Not his, not anyone's. I'm going to see him again, and that's my choice too. Not yours."

They could stop him, a little voice in the back of their head murmured. They could stop him and- and keep him safe. Prevent anyone else from hurting him again. They could say the right words that would cause him to falter ("for me." Punz had once pleaded, and Dream bent, as he always did) and then Sam would never touch him. They could even kill the creeper hybrid, to be sure. They would destroy the entire server with the Plan, and Dream would finally be safe.

But.

Dream needed this. Whatever he said, whatever he thought, he'd been denied agency for so long. The thought of them being the one to take it away, his friend, when they were supposed to be the one person on the server who he could trust… it made them feel sick.

Dreams trembling faded, and he straightened up, before he throwing his cloak over his shoulder.

Punz made his decision. "I'm coming with you."

"What?"

"I'm your backup, and your mercenary, and your partner. If Sam has a problem with it, just say you rehired me."

At the very beginning, the rules are this:

No Kissing. Punz doesn't think Sam deserves kisses, and they're vicious about enforcing this. Kisses are for Punz alone, and Sam is incredibly jealous.

No marks. Sam has tried to leave hickies or bruises, but it was quickly shut down. When he argued this, Punz told him that he could leave marks when all the marks (torture scars) he already made on Dream were gone.

No cuddling or aftercare. Since Sam insisted that the sex didn't mean anything, clearly that means he doesn't need to be involved in taking care of Dream after. Punz will take him away and they can be the one to hold Dream. (Not that Sam longed for that. He doesn't feel more desperate each time the two leave him behind. Of course not.)

The most obvious one: what Dream says goes. Sam isn't allowed to Override Dream and insist his way is better, and he isn't allowed to take whatever he wants without asking. If Dream needs a moment, or would like to change positions, or even just say he'd rather not, Sam must listen. Punz will make him listen.

And so every week all three of them get together, usually at the prison, and have sex. Its a very complicated, unhealthy dynamic, for a lot of different reasons.

Punz, usually able to gauge what Dream wants/what would make him comfortable, is left blind, because Dream is always a little uncomfortable here, always stressed, and Punz can't fix that. They're trying their best, and they know that Dream could shut down and be unable to express himself if the wrong button is pushed, but in the beginning its a mess. At some point he micromanages where Sam puts his hands, pushing and arguing with him over whose allowed to say where Sam can and can't touch, and neither of the two argue that it should be Dream.

It doesn't help that Punz is jealous. They don't want to be, especially not in this situation. But Sam's possessiveness of Dream, the way he taunts about knowing Dream in ways nobody else possibly could- it sets off that part of Punz that has always been so self-satisfied with his place as Dream's most intimate companion, the other half of his soul.

(Its the server's second stupidest dick measuring contest where they accidentally objectify Dream in the process, while they also compete to see who Dream likes more.)

Sam, on the other hand, is constantly having to reckon with the fact that he wasn't actually as good as he thought he was. Punz doesn't let him get away with spewing the same lines of crap and insisting he's always right. Sam also considered himself A Good Lover and good at getting Dream off (the only one who knows him, who knows him Best), and his ego takes a fucking hit when Punz corrects him. When Punz points out that certain things were actually harmful/not enjoyable, its hard for Sam to accept because it means he fucked up and made assumptions in his head and Punz rubs each of those in.

Sam tries to defend himself by pointing out that Dream went along with it, and which leads to Punz pointing out that he didn't have much of a choice/wasn't in a good situation to make that choice at the time, and that's the one time it nearly comes to blows between them before Dream speaks up to tell them both to knock it off.

(Sam discovers One (1) kink that Punz doesn't know about and he's so fucking smug about it despite fucking up literally everything else.)

(No matter how many wins Sam thinks he gets during their weekly time together, Punz still gets to take Dream home, do aftercare and keep him safe. Sam hates how much he wants that too, despite the fact that according to his own weird moral code he shouldn't.)

And as much as this is most definitely causing more issues, it does leave Dream actually feeling more in control of his situation.

He gets so much praise now! This is basically therapy but better! He even gets aftercare with no torture. He's getting good dick and most of his kinks are getting hit, truly luxurious for a cDream. He's a lot more confident and content, and he isn't constantly on the defensive, because if Punz says he didn't deserve what happened to him, even if its just a single person, Dream doesn't have to fight to prove that he's a person deserving of basic human decency.

But the Most Important Thing That Makes All This Take The Turn It Does: At first, Sam thinks that the proper solution to all of this is to get Dream all to himself again in his prison where he belongs and not fixing his behavior any more than what he needs specifically to get there.

However, during an very short period of time where Sam is able to be with Dream without Punz there to scrutinize, Sam attempts to do stuff like how he used to before Punz, to prove he doesn't need him, that they don't need him.

But now he knows, he knows that Dream isn't actually into a lot of the things he was trying, or at the very least he likes other things more. He had it proved to him, and he's aware that things can be a lot better. Dream's clearly nervous, anxious, and not super into this, and Sam can tell, and now all he can see are all those little signs that he's fucking up, and it's getting into his head.

In the end, he can't even get himself to go through with it, because now it feels wrong and he can't ignore that. He makes an excuse, and he's frustrated and aggressive, but he doesn't try this again without Punz there.

Mentally he can justify it as Punz would kill him if he did. This is just a matter of self-preservation.

But quietly his plans adjust to not just needing to get Dream under his control. He'll need to get Punz too in order for things to be perfect.

#communication knife au #awesamdrunz #there are parts of this that are words that Sif wrote because a lot of the stuff was us rotating together #she gave me full permission to use them before I even asked dkfjghdkfgh<3 #Sif is one of the best rotation friends genuinely. we love and cherish Sif in this house

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the-carlos-cow-eyes · 3 months

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Some of y'all really need to get off of Jake's back, man

Like, Is he perfect? No. Has he made mistakes? Yes. But to me, his heart has always been In the right place. Bro just wants to protect his friends and his boyfriend

Plus, a lot of y'all seem to forget that Jake's also a victim of both physical AND mental abuse. And, his whole family Is dead. Literally every single one of them.

His parents? Dead. His aunt & uncle? Dead. His cousin? Fucking dead. Most of which were killed by Chucky or had some kind of Involvement with Chucky and were then labeled as freak accidents.

Chucky electrocuted his Dad and It was made out to be a drunken mishap, he pushed his aunt out of a window and It was made out to be a suicide, he manipulated his cousin Into killing his uncle before fucking stabbing his cousin, to which his cousin was then BLAMED for all of those murders only AFTER Jake was accused of killing his father and another boy!

Hell, Chucky even killed his fucking FOSTER BROTHER and then Jake was blamed for that too!

Literally the only family member of Jake's that Chucky DIDN'T kill was his mother, who died In a car accident a few years prior after a drunk driver hit her

Granted, his Dad and uncle were pieces of shit and the boy whose murder Jake was accused of was an asshole. But Jake still went through a lot of shit just like the rest of the kids

Now, should he have listened to Devon about the whole Good Chucky thing? Yes. But am I gonna blame him for not doing so? Honestly, no. Y'all seem to forget that Gary literally JUST died by the time the whole brainwashing thing came Into play, so Jake was still pretty devastated and shook up over his foster brother's death, something that he felt and probably still feels he was responsible for.

But when the brainwashing worked (and yes, It DID work!), Jake saw an opportunity In Good Chucky. An opportunity to not fail him like he felt he did with Gary. Again, should he have considered the possibility of the brainwashing wearing off? Yes, he should have. But quite frankly, not even Devon was all like “Hey, It's wearing off” after Good Chucky killed a fly and didn't throw up at the blood. So, that wasn't just on Jake

But like I was saying, Jake saw Good Chucky as a second chance. He's a hopeful kid with a lot of survivor's guilt, so what the fuck else were y'all expecting? Common sense? From a kid that's been blinded with a shit ton of guilt over the murders of his family members? Really? I mean, yeah, Jake Is a really smart kid, but even smart kids can make choices based on what they think Is the right or best thing to do despite those choices not being In everyone's better Interest or judgement

And no, Nadine's death was NOT Jake's fault and y'all need to stop acting like It was

And yes, he should have probably also come up with a better Idea than going Into the spirit realm to find Good Chucky again, but he wanted to do It to help Lexy find Caroline, so his heart was still In the right place and he had good Intentions. Granted, Caroline obviously didn't want to be found, but we all know that Lexy wasn't going to let up until they found her. She even gave Jake & Devon shit for leaving the hotel for the night despite the fact that the whole reason why they left In the first place was to get vital Information about Chucky. And even then, she was STILL pissed because Chucky dying before they found him meant that they wouldn't find out where Caroline was. So, that's more on Lexy than anyone else

All I'm saying Is that a lot of y'all are being WAY too hard on Jake when he's just another traumatized kid that wants to do right by whatever loved ones he has left. Yeah, he doesn't make the best of decisions at times, but he usually has everyone's best Interest at heart

Leave my son ALONE-

#jake wheeler they could never make me hate you <3 #jake wheeler #chucky on syfy

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sun-undone · 2 years

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shocker i'm thinking about jj maybank again

moving into season 3 which is apparently gonna focus more on mental health for all the pogues, but definitely for JJ as he tries to navigate Kie having feelings for him, i'm just thinking a lot about how he receives and shows love throughout the show so far.

he loves the pogues so fucking much and he shows it often and in a couple different ways. he expresses a lot of it through touches (which fucking breaks my heart considering the abuse that he's suffered), and a bit less so through words of affirmation (i will never forget the time that he told John B that he loved him in 1x10 and then John B didn't say it back), but the love language i'm most interested in is acts of service.

JJ is always throwing himself in the line of fire and coming up with plans and jumping into the fray and doing risky shit to try to help the pogues, even if they don't see it as being very helpful sometimes.

he pulls the gun on Topper in 1x01, he steps up and kills the rooster (rip) to protect the pogues' hiding spot in 1x02, he saves Pope from the dog in 1x03, he takes the fall for Pope in 1x04, he takes the money from Barry in 1x07 partially to act as reparations for him traumatizing the pogues by holding them at gunpoint, he gets the Phantom for John B in 1x10 despite having to suffer through another Luke encounter, he's ready to get into a shootout with the cops in 2x04 to protect John B, literally the entirety of 2x05, he consistently places himself between various pogues and people that are trying to hurt them (Barry, Rafe, Renfield, Eberhimi), do i need to go on????

he clearly shows a lot of his love through action, and i can't stop thinking about how it feels like maybe he's so outward with that expression because he's constantly trying to prove his worth to the pogues. not because they ever make him feel like he needs to, but because he genuinely cannot understand why anyone would love him unconditionally. he has to feel like he's earned it somehow. so he's always the first to put himself in danger for them, he's always got a plan at the ready, he's so depressingly willing to ruin his life or even throw it away altogether to keep them safe.

there's a moment in 2x10 when John B and Pope are trying to get JJ to stay in the container with Kie while they go out onto the ship and scout for the cross and try to get weapons from the armory. and JJ is so fucking offended and annoyed, he even rips his arm away from John B as he's pulling him away from the window. and yes, maybe you can just say that it's because he's hot-headed and eager for action, which are both definitely true, but why is he so eager for this action in particular? because it's another way for him to prove his usefulness in the group, to prove that he deserves their love, and John B is taking it away from him. it was JJ's plan to begin with, too, which just makes it sting even more now that he's not gonna be able to execute it. it's definitely a blow to his ego and his flimsy self-worth that relies so heavily on performing these acts of service for this friends.

there's an even smaller moment just before that one when Kie initially finds the window and suggests it as their way out of the container, and JJ makes a point to say "what was that about a Swiss army knife not coming in handy?" he had failed to find a way out for his friends, so he overcompensates by making sure that they know that he's still useful because he has the tool to actually get the panel off of the window and allow them to use it as an escape route.

so what does all this mean for season 3??? it means i'm gonna die it means that i'm gonna need to see Kie using acts of service as at least one of the methods of expressing her affection for him. physical touch and words of affirmation, too, but i really think that those actions are gonna hit JJ the hardest because he's so used to doing them for other people. and he will absolutely spiral if Kie's suddenly doing them for him cause he'll know exactly what it means. she'll be speaking his language. and it'll just freak him out all the more cause it'll reinforce that she really does know him so well, just like how well he knows her.

#yes i'm still emo #no i will not be stopping anytime soon #i could truly think about jj's character for days on end and never get tired of it #i can't even express how excited i am to have 10 hours of new content to analyze the ever loving shit out of #especially if a lot of it is gonna be angsty #expect many more ramblings #jj maybank #obx #obx season 3 #obx s3 #jiara

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lpsgirl109 · 3 months

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Ok but since we're all gonna die (/ref) can we actually discuss how kind of insane it is how little sm:mm matters to the overarching storyline of the insomniac universe

Like I genuinely believe if you were to erase the game from the timeline entirely, the only person this would affect is Aaron. Not even Miles. Aaron. That's it. The game is so insignificant that the main character of the game wouldn't change at all if it never happened. And that's really absurd when you consider how genuinely traumatic the events of sm:mm would be to Miles. Imagine you're tasked with protecting the city on your own for like a week and in that time, this mafia terrorist group pops up and starts causing shit, you find out your best friend is leading it, a whole ass gun war breaks out in the streets that definitely killed several innocents, and said best friend gets blown up. By you. You blew up your best friend. And you're telling me none of this matters to Miles in msm2??

and like I'm not even saying that the events of that game should've been a Huge major focus in this one. Obviously the game should focus more on the current story its trying tell than past events. But like. God. SOMETHING to acknowledge it happened at least. And no, various easter eggs around the map that you could go the entire game without ever finding don't count.

This is why it irks me so much that Phin was excluded from Miles's nightmare sequence, the scene in which he's being tormented by fake versions of all the people he feels like he failed. I really feel like the childhood best friend That He Blew Up would've fit perfectly there. And I've said this before but the only excuse I'm accepting for her not being in that scene is that Jasmin Savoy wasn't available to do it, because at least at that point its kind of out of the writers' hands. Otherwise it really feels to me like Insomniac just didn't care enough.

I also don't wanna hear any "Well maybe they don't wanna acknowledge sm:mm because it's badly written!! Maybe they don't wanna talk about Phin too much because she was badly written!!" Because. Really? You're gonna pretend the game about your black protagonist didn't happen just because it wasn't very good? The game that YOU didn't write very good? That just feels like excuses. Like, I agree that sm:mm wasn't written very good!! Absolutely!! But that's no reason to skip out on potential character arcs for Miles, especially when he, the black protagonist of these games, already gets pretty sidelined in favor of the white protagonist

My biggest hope for msm3 is that Miles's arc in that game centers around overcoming the trauma of like, Everything he's gone through thus far. He's already pretty much tackled what happened to his dad, now it's time for him to face everything else. And I think we already have the perfect set up for this, considering he's been left in charge of the city again, and the last time this happened everything went to shit in the worst ways possible. Have it be something about how the whole Underground Roxxon incident makes him doubt if he has what it takes to handle everything on his own again, and with the help of everyone he loves, he learns to push past all of that and feel more confident in himself. My awesome buddy @fun-k-boards also mentioned once that having Cindy as a potential step sister now could remind him a lot of his relationship with Phin, and I think that's a really sweet way to not only work Phin into the story but give Cindy a lot of significance to Miles's story

Honestly I just. Really hope msm3 makes this game significant to the story again. Like can we please all agree how wild it is that sm:mm doesn't really matter to anything at all

#peg speaks #spider man #insomniac spider man #spider man miles morales #miles morales #phin mason

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thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask · 2 years

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Tw: My sexual trauma. I'm trying to get these vents out of the way and not bottle them up until the point I collapse

This is something I do and I just wanna know if this is normal or not

As someone who has a lot of sexual trauma, I like to hear people share their experiences as well as a sense of comfort.

It's not for me to know I'm not alone because I already know that, but it's more for me to know if anyone had something close to my experience. From all the ones I've seen, I haven't seen many that were similar to mine and it makes me feel like I'm being dramatic and my experience wasn't as traumatic as I think.

I know I'm not alone with what happened to me, but I feel so lonely because I haven't seen anyone s story who's similar to mine. We we're kids, and when I tell people that nobody takes me seriously. One line always is stuck in my head when I think my experience was really bad.

"It was elementary, nothing matters then. You were dumb kids."

Yeah. Kids. He was the one that exposed me to a lot of sexual stuff and porn. I knew what cum was and what a slut was at the age of 8 because of him. He often used his depression as an excuse and I fell for it, every single, time.

I remember us getting to choose five people to sit with us and I didn't choose him as one. He later asked me for who I chose and when I said he ask ",You didn't choose me," and he seemed really hurt. I said that I was joking and he was like good, because I chose you to sit at my table.

I remember when I first told my friend about this they said he might've liked me, and I'm sick of that. Everytime I tell people I was abused, by a guy, the first thing they ask is "You guys were dating?"

No. Abuse can come from anywhere from anyone. You mother, your brother, your teacher, your priest, whoever in your life, abuse can come from everyone.

I still find it so hard to accept I was abused by another kid when I was young. I see so many people talk about their experiences and it was always someone a few years older than them, but it was someone my age. Someone I considered a friend and shared a lot of things with. I even gave the fucker money, even when I told him no, he kept pushing and pushing until I gave in.

I was a rude kid. An extremely smart, trusted and well behaved kid, but I was mean to the people who he didn't like. If I was friends with them he'd be mad, so I chose aggression in order to keep them away so I didn't lose my only friend.

But, he also protected me, sometimes. Like, if someone was making fun of me, especially someone he didn't like, he'd tell them to fuck off or something. This is what has me conflicted alot.

He was abuser, he abused me a lot, but he also was my friend. He treated me SOMETIMES, like a friend. I don't remember almost any of our good moments, but the one's I do almost make me think he didn't do anything wrong.

sometimes I come up with scenarios in my head on how I could've avoided being his friend. I don't remember how I became friends with him, but I do remember us talking a lot when he was transferred to my class in second grade and we just considered each other friends. When I first met him tho, and this what from I can remember, he was rude and shit, but was quiet and sometimes even sweet to me and some other kids. But later in the year his true colors started to show.

I'm friends with a guy who was also friends with my abuser and he always says how great he was and how much he liked him, and I told him I hated my abuser and I wish he'd drown in a out of lava, he asked why and said I'll tell him later, I never did.

People change, I get that. It's been years since then and maybe he's matured into a nice man, Nope. From what I've heard he hasn't gotten better, he's gotten WORSE. My friend is friends with a girl who knows him and she said herself that he knocks people out now. He got into fights when I knew him but not to the point he'd knock people out. If this is the shit he's doing now, then I don't wanna know how he treats his friends now.

Last time I saw him was a few months ago and he seemed, sad. Idk why but he looked sad but emotionless at the same time, he looked so out of it. I noticed that immediately and I wondered why he looked like that. Despite how much I hate him and want him dead, sometimes I worry about him, and I hate it.

Idk how to feel. Is this shit normal or what. I don't feel comfortable sharing with people I know in real life so you guys are my only chance of figuring this shit out.

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justcallmered · 5 months

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Introduction as told by Red

❝ My name? Doesn't matter and if you must, just call me Red. Here's the story. I was born the youngest to seven other siblings and two.... unique.... parents. They were alright, you know bought us all up to be ambitious. Dad's a celebrity doctor, you know the type that appears on tv as an expert? Mom's an actress. Shakespare, stage plays, always the biggest prescene in the room. They've been divorced several times. It's always been a turblent affair between them. ❞

❝ My siblings? All wildly success. Some took after Mom, some took after Dad. Big business, this and that. One of my sister's has a fitness cult in Texas; you heard right, but we'll get to that and all the details about the rest of them later. Me, on the other hand? Not so much, much to Mother's disappointment. I have a day job, it pays the bills, fits my set of skills. Not ambitious enough for the family name, but I was an oddball. ❞

❝ Who I am in my day life doesn't matter, and I really don't want my family finding out it is ME whose up to what I am about to be up to. Secret identity and all. You've read about it in comics. ❞

❝ So who is me? Who's Red? Red's not an alias, not some hero name, it's a lack of name. I... wouldn't be doing this if I didn't get dragged into it and I don't know if I'll keep doing this, I.... I see injustice daily, so if I'm any good at this, maybe I'll keep it up. ❞

❝ I have talents, maybe call them powers. Sound mimicry, wind manipulation, really cool trick of knowing when someone's about to hit me, I can copy cat people. It's pretty good, since a natural born fighter I was not, except mybe these talents were always in me waiting to wake up. I wouldn't have the answers, I killed the thing with the answers. ❞

❝ Alright, Red, enough suspense; look I love exposition, my day job is mostly paperwork and research I love it; anyways. So on the eve of my 27th birthday, I was visited by.... I still don't really have a clue, but a little alien demon man-thing; who was looking for my closest sister, Vivian. See Viv and I look a lot alike, we aren't twins, she's a year older and was coming to tell her that our family was only three years shy of the prophecy of world destruction was upon that, that they were this close to becoming gods. ❞

❝ Apparently, my entire family is evil with special talents; used for manipulating the world or people, that's the gist. The prophecy goes something like "On the eve of the eighth child, that's me by the way, take her life and she will become the key to the universe and your family will become gods of the new world. Something like that, except, I'm the eighth child. I'm 27 now. That's three years from my birthday. My sister was suppose to be the messenger of some universe destroying prophecy my family was going to achieve. ❞

❝ The alien-demon man fucked up and when he realized that he just revealed a HUGE family secret to the eight child, the dud child... He attacked, I don't know if he was going to kill me, considering I'm a key or whatever... We got into a struggle, it was going really badly but ... Uh... I managed to kill him, I didn't want to. I was simply trying to get away, protect myself, scream bloody murder for anyone, someone. ❞

❝ His body fell limp on top of me and... he didn't look human, I didn't know what to do, who to call. My day job, I know some of the ins and outs of legal system; I'd probably be fine, I mean it was NOT human but that's also the trouble. Most traumatizing night of my life, but what I figure out later? That's gonna be more traumatizing, spoiler warning, sorry. ❞

❝ After he died... I killed him, holy shit, I killed someone even if it wasn't human, which am I even human? Is my family? I felt different like.... stronger, faster, I... My voice started changing, the air felt like something I could grasp, like I could pull on like reigns. I remembered everything I read, honestly, some of these talents made my day job easier. ❞

❝ Eventually the thing's body just... disappeared. So one problem solved, but the next was figuring out what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck... Does my family know? Does Vivi? Should I say somthing, I definitely shouldn't say anything. They... They wouldn't kill me on my thirth. I could be hallucinating this maybe, did I drink too much... Weeks pass, my talents I start being the little nerd I am and research, test, see the extent and limits. ❞

❝ I start getting ideas... I... you hear about people trying to be a hero, what if me? I mean... if I have these powers, what if it's real. What if I'm doome to die at thirty by the hands of my family so they can dominate all of mankind. So... I start trying things, little things. Comic book things. I need to start making a plan, because I think it's real, all of it, cause the next time I visit my sister Vivian... ❞

❝ She doesn't just run a fitness empire; it's an empire, it's a cult. She gets her high, commanding people, telling what to do with with their body, with how they look. She's a bad person. It's sick. It's disgusting and... I think she'd kill me when I turned thirty. What about the rest? ❞

❝ So I start digging, into my family, carefully. I've... I've already started trying to solve injustice problems on the West Coast, from San Francisco. Vigilante. Hit the news, or trying not to is the goal. The ability to change my voice has been helpful in protecting who I was. I don't want too much noise around me, but I start digging into my family and they are all bad people. I mean, they are rich, but... but they don't see people as people, they only see them as pawns, toys, dolls, tools, underlings. They are hiding things, definitely not US or UK legal things. ❞

❝ I have to stop them, without them knowing its me. Without... I may have to kill them, if... If I can't work out how to stop them, stop this prophecy. I have to assume they have powers too, or something; that they are dangerous and I am going to have to get good at being outnumbered, at fighting, and solving problems... and preparing myself, stopping them before I turn thirty and... worst happens. ❞

#[ ABOUT ] I am the result when prophecy goes wrong

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

Note

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

#lbaf

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gingus-doon · 4 years

Text

What if Keiji wasn't the Keiji we know before the first trial?

Okay, hear me out. What if Keiji wasn't as logical and cold hearted as he is in the game until his first trial? What if Megumi's death was what pushed him over the edge and onto that path?

—

I'm going to be talking about Shin a lot in this hypothetical, because they're the foil characters of the century lol.

If we compare Keiji's first trial to Shin's in the sense of this assumption (that the first trial made him the Keiji we ally with in the game) this might all make a little more sense.

First off, their trials could both be designed to shape them into a certain type of person. Shin's was to mold him into an antagonist reminiscent of Sou Hiyori (maybe to fill his absence?) while Keiji's could then be to make him a firmly logical figure in the death game.

If Keiji was less logical before the death game, still traumatized, but teetering between full-fledged, coldhearted logic and taking another shot at a more hopeful, emotional way of being, that would mirror Shin's previous state of being stuck between choosing trust and distrust of others in the vulnerable emotional state of recovering from recent abuse.

They would then both have been in vulnerable states due to trauma, and have had the first trial make that choice of what paths they should take for them. Shin's trauma stems from being weak, so for him, that would mean embracing his lack of trust in others to protect himself. For Keiji, his trauma stems from failing to live up to his moral ideals of what a policeman should be and instead killing someone innocent, so this trial would reinforce the belief that he really is just a cold-blooded murderer, prompting him to embrace this role during the death game.

Just as Shin's choice was between continuing to be Shin Tsukimi and living, Keiji's was a cruel and forced confrontation of his trauma as well. Letting Megumi live would be forgiving her for her corruption and the part she played in traumatizing him, while letting her die could finally be the thing that lets Keiji move on from his past. He didn't have the time to think about the choice between forgiveness or resentment, and his inaction made the choice for him. Instead of catharsis, though, it only solidifies his guilty thoughts about himself and makes him infinitely colder.

Keiji and Shin already parallel each other in a lot of ways– even now, their first trials alone draw some comparisons. How Shin actively (and metaphorically) killed 'Shin Tsukimi' while Keiji literally (and inactively) killed someone, how Shin dramatically and emotionally (that emotion being Paranoia) wields his distrust while Keiji protects himself by more subtle and logical means. And if the white room does turn out to be the room in which Keiji and Megumi's first trial took place in, then Shin and Keiji have a yin and yang colour contrast going on as well.

To break this down even further:

Before trauma → After trauma, before the death game → During the death game, specifically after the first trial

Trusting in others, maybe even naïve → Unsure of whether to trust others, doubtful of their intentions as a result of abuse → Does not trust others for shit, especially not those he perceives as stronger than him

Idealistic about the police, wants to follow in Mr. Policeman's footsteps and protect people → This new cynicism towards the police and people in positions of power and his failure to be different than them by shooting an innocent man makes him uncertain of himself → He lets himself shift from protector to willing to sacrifice others for his own safety completely

SO BASICALLY WHAT I'M SAYING IS, the middle step may have been different for Keiji than what I previously thought. Maybe he wouldn't be willing to do all the horrible, selfish things he did in the death game if it wasn't for Asunaro making that his first trial. (And sorry about that, I just wanted to make a flowchart lol.)

So perhaps the final parallel this assumption would present between Keiji and Shin is that while Shin's trial pushes him to drown his distrust of others, Keiji's pushes him to drown in his distrust of himself.

I really think that people forget sometimes that Keiji didn't necessarily want to murder Megumi. Not to pretend that what he did was okay, but had his trial been “press this button to kill your partner,” he may have not done it. He's obviously very unsure about his decision afterwards. He laughs and falls to his knees after she dies, which does not seem like the most calculating, malicious, and sane response to me. If it was just the laughing, maybe. But there's also this:

I find these screenshots very interesting, not only because they prove that Keiji didn't murder Megumi in cold-blood and is distraught over her death, but also because they draw another parallel between Shin and Keiji; Shin is very certain that others are not to be trusted. Delusionally certain to the point where he views a highschooler as the second most dangerous person on the planet and thinks it's okay to make her life harder because she's definitely trying to kill him and every other vulnerable person! While Keiji… Keiji is so painfully unsure of himself. He's unsure of himself to the point that this is his reaction to Megumi's death, despite him choosing to do that. He rationalizes everything in a desperate attempt to bury his emotions and make what he's doing okay. Shin trusts his thought process way too much and Keiji literally states that he has not been able to trust himself since the shooting.

Another small detail to maybe back this up is the above screenshot. This isn't much, but Sara said Keiji seemed “different somehow.” Perhaps a little less creepy? A little less untrustworthy? A little less willing to flirt, lie, or kill to save his own skin? There's not much insight to be brought by Keiji's AI since Sara didn't have time to talk to him here and it's impossible to talk to him through his me-tokens, but I feel this is significant. We don't know when the AI's are from, specifically– it could be just before the death game, or a couple of years before. Presumably, Keiji back then looked the same as Keiji now, but he may have been less ruthless than our Keiji, since generally, the AI's do seem to be somewhat behind.

There are still a few questions around this theory (if you can call it that), though– namely, why? Why would Asunaro want to make Keiji more logical? Didn't he fit the role of Sara's ally well enough without the extra trauma? To set up Keiji's trial in such a manner where it'd be easy for him to let Megumi die but intentional enough to feel like he caused her death… it seems like a very purposeful move on their behalf, but I don't know why they'd need to do that.

And also, would they even need the effects of her death on Keiji? Because it's not like her survival rate is 0%– there were trials in which she lived. If they needed to do that to him, wouldn't they ensure it happened? Unless, they didn't need it and it was just a side effect? I know I just said it seems very intentional, but it's still possible that it may not be lmao. But, of course, the trials could differ from the death game we know... perhaps her and Keiji's first trial could've been different in different simulations. But that still kinda pokes a bit of a hole in this assumption, lol.

I'm worried that this might be really obvious and I'm just over here acting like I've had an epiphany for no good reason LOL, but I don't often see people talking about Keiji's first trial in the same way as Shin's, in the sense that they were what made them snap– the final straw that set up their actions for the rest of the death game. So I wanted to introduce that concept specifically if people weren't already of that opinion 👉🏼👈🏼

I personally kind of like this… pseudo-theory, I'll call it. It feels like it'd exacerbate the guilt Keiji feels throughout the game, if he was more newly logical and less numb to these actions than originally considered. It's hard to say if it could be accurate, though, because we don't get much to see what Keiji's thinking much! It kind of drives me insane, please let me know what the hell is going on in Keiji's brain Nankidai ;;

That's all I got lol, thanks for reading ✌️

#your turn to die #keiji shinogi #yttd keiji #shin tsukimi #kimi ga shine #i did talk about shin quite a bit so i guess i'll tag him too #idk i think this would just be interesting 👉🏼👈🏼

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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years

Text

'Forgiveness' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Forgiveness"

"He was innocent, Freya ! He was an good man....and look what happened !"

Chapter Summary : After having killed Stone and wounding herself in the process, Yirina is feeling troubled after having learned of her presence the day of the death of Park's brother in London in 1973...

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +4000

------------------------------------------------------------------

During the next few minutes that followed the shots I did to myself and even if I closed my eyes to let me pass out freely and maybe, get over it, I was able to see some obscure & little flash, seeing myself transported away by Park and Price, myself been patched as the two were holding me good and Zasha was watching the scene terrified.....I was feeling so bad right now : the shots on my shoulder, the revelation that Stone gave to everyone. During all this time, the burn mark I had on my left hand, it was because I tried to save someone....and this someone was William Elijah Park in 1973 in London.....

I was there the day he was killed by Stone, trying to save him from the bomb but I didn't succeed and this event was making me guilty, traumatizing me enough. The brainwashing erased that trauma but only temporary as my memories were coming back but now, learning that I was present in London the day William got killed, it's making that guilt relive in me. Me & Park....we were close by that and we didn't know at all about it. Finally, the flashs stopped and I could close my eyes for good, only hoping for the best......

I opened my eyes to find myself sitting in the back of an bar and it was looking very english....no....I'm reliving this day....why ?.....There weren't an lot of people here in that pub but I did prefer to stay hidden and the papers I had with me was showing that I wasn't willing to go public about it. These papers, it was all about Stone : reports from the Perseus collective on him and other ones were also reports but on William Elijah Park.

Looking around like I was awaiting someone, checking my watch from time to time and tapping my feets on the ground under the table, it was sure that I was nervous as hell until I decide to take out an cigarette from an pocket of my jacket before lighting it up and put it between my lips. As I was taking an breath, I could see an man enter the pub, turning his head to see someone....who was me as he start to walk into my direction.

"You're the one who contacted me ?" The man asked, it was William....he was looking curious and pretty much nervous too to be here with an unknown person, I slowly nodded to him as I put my cigarette in my hand.

"Take an seat." I ordered in an low voice, pointing to the seat that was in front of me. He took an deep breath before he resign himself to sit like I said.

"Why did you called me, miss...uhm...you didn't give your name by the way." He said, getting his left arm on the table while the other, it was on his lap.

"That part isn't important for you to know, sir Park." I breathed, crushing my cigarette in the ashtray on the table.

"Okay, game's over, tell me why...."

"Relax, sir." I told him in an serious voice, cutting him straight even if I could feel myself scared inside after I heard an noise under the table. "Don't need to bring an gun here, I'm unharmed."

"How did you know ?" He demanded, raising an eyebrow.

"I heard the click of your gun, you can put it down." I suggested and he comply, stunned that I managed to know about as he was getting his pistol back in his jacket. "So, you're William E. Park from the SAS, that's correct ?" I started the real subject, taking the papers about him in my hands.

"Yes." He replied in an low voice, looking around him to make sure that he wasn't trapped.

"Can you talk with me about Harry Stone ?" I questioned, peaking my eyes to look at him and his eyes did go wide at hearing me saying that name.

"Him ?" He was sounding taken aback by that name. "An man that is so reckless that I'm ashamed to see this man in the SAS, a disgrace to the whole regiment."

"I see that the rumors of your hatred against him were true." I proclaimed, putting the file aside to look at him fully. "Tell me, is Stone has did something very bad to you....like attempting to kill you ?"

"If I can count the numerous time he tried, it would be an lot." He responded, almost laughing about before he got his both arms on the table. "I don't understand why we're talking about him."

"Because he's an man who knows how to act, sir Park." I told him as I hand over the file about Stone to him who took it in hands, curious about it. "Stone is been working with the organization I'm in too called Perseus."

"Perseus ?" He whispered, looking deeply the file.

"An terrorist organization that's working with the East but unofficially, on their own." I explained, telling him of the true motives of the Perseus Collective.

"Shit, this....it's going to make an lot of noise to the top." He proclaimed, astonished by the contents of the file he was reading on before he put it back on the table. "But...why are you doing this ?"

"I'm doing this because I'm not believing in those ideals and to Perseus, I only want to make the good." I answered before I put my hands on the second file about William himself. "Stone is planning something on you on the following days." I added, giving him the file that he start to look at.

"Are you kidding me ?" He sounded almost angry about seeing the written lines on that file, stating an apparent description of William.

"I know." I said silently, understanding his behavior. "All of this, it's bullshit and I know the truth about you." I continued, getting his attention on me entirely. "You're an kind man & very generous, I know that because I've been following you for days."

"You...you have been following me ?" He chuckled, looking uncomfortable at the moment and I nodded.

"I had heavy doubts about why Stone was mentioning about killing an future threat to Perseus so I decide to investigate." I revealed to him, making his eyes go wide to me. "I'm not like them, sir Park. I want to make sure that you're not harmed."

"I....I don't know what to say really !" He was losing his words, amazed that someone he was considering an enemy was helping in reality. "You're doing this because you believe in good...and thank you, miss." He grinned, looking at those papers on the table. "Shit, if Helen is seeing this...."

"Helen ?" I asked, curious.

"Oh...it's my sister, she's looking the same age as you, I presume." He replied, scratching the back of his head. "Been pursuing an doctorate in international relations in Oxford, I don't want her to be pull in all of this." He added.

"It's better, I believe." I nodded to him about this....if only....."Listen, you should be careful the next days but I will make sure that this assassination order is called off...to make you safe."

"Thank you again, miss." He said before I decide to got up from my chair, letting the documents for him to take with.

"By the way, my name is Grigoriev if you want to know." I told him, offering my hand for an shake before he accept, smiling fully. "Don't worry, sir Park, I will make sure that you will be protected."

"And...and what if your superiors find out about your actions ?" He demanded.

"I can't tell but let's hope that you will have Stone arrested, that's the most important thing." I expressed, my eyes on the table. "Have an good day, sir Park." I make my farewell with an smile before I walk out of the table, leaving him alone to get outside.

I was feeling well to say, taking an deep breath before I could see an black van, parked on the other side of the street, it must be some people from Perseus as I was going to go near it, walking through the street to get to it from behind. I knocked two times at the back doors before someone decide to open for me and I discover Stone along with Freya herself, apparently awaiting for me.

"So, how this little 'date' was, Grigoriev ?" Stone was the first one to talk and I was already annoyed by hearing his voice towards me.

"Go fuck yourself, Stone." I exclaimed as I get inside the van behind, closing the door behind but instead of going away, the van didn't drive off the place. "It was good."

"Nothing to worry about Park ?" Freya asked, curious.

"No, the report that our beloved Stone write about is full bullshit." I replied, looking at Stone with deadly eyes. "He only want to kill Park because he's just paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid, I'm seeing an good opportunity to get rid of that guy." He said to me, serious in this voice before he got something out of his pocket.

"What's this ?" I demanded, pointing at this.

"You're fucking blind ? That's an detonator !" He responded, showing it fully to me as my eyes goes wide at seeing it in his hands.

"Don't tell me.....you son of an bitch." I cursed, realizing what he has done. "He's an innocent and you're going to kill him ?" I added, getting furious each second. "You abort that, right now !"

"In your dreams." He scoffed as he looked to the driver.

"Stone, he's out, he's going to his car !" The driver said, pointing at the direction of the pub, seeing William, getting out of it.

"Good, that's going to be some fireworks." Stone joked about it as he was taking his detonator fully.

"Freya, do something for fuck sake !" I expressed loudly, looking at her before I realized that she was going to do nothing to help me, only looking down at her feets in shame. "Damnit, I will do it on my own." I added before I open the back doors again, determined to save William.

"Yirina, wait !" Freya tried to make me stop but I wasn't going to comply at all to her orders as I was getting out of the van, starting to run to get to the rigged car of William, trying to stop him.

"Sir Park, don't start that....." I yelled, running in the street to get close to the car....until it exploded....the car exploded by an bomb placed below it and because of the explosion, I found myself projected away from it.

I closed my left eye at the moment the car blow up but that wasn't going to help me as I was projected away on the street...on my back before some flaming debris fell on my left hand, burning it heavily but I wasn't reacting as I was nearly knocked out by the explosion. I wasn't able to protect William and I could only see with my right eye, the burning car.

"WILLIAM !" I could hear an feminine voice arriving in the street....Park....Helen.....I couldn't hear more as I was suddenly dragged away by someone, seeing Freya on top of me to get me back in the van, almost unconscious before the van drove off the place, with me on the ground of the van floor, with Freya looking at me worried as Stone....behind his mask, I could see shake his head.

"Always at the wrong time, at the wrong place !"

That memory....it make me realize that I was fully there that day, watching William...Park's brother, getting killed in an explosion by Stone himself as I tried to save him from his death I wasn't aware off....I wasn't able to save him, it's not because of me but I could feel that guilty above me that I could have been able to save him from that bomb. I'm going to hate myself for this....and this hate....yeah, I'm hating myself so much for this.

Finally, I reopened my eyes after an while, I couldn't tell how much time but I was well alive even if my shoulder was hurting me an little, feeling the bandages covering the gunshot wounds above it below my shirt. My eye were opened slowly, revealing that I was in an bedroom, laid down on an bad....the bedroom I'm using with Park in West-Berlin...I was back here alive and I could see Zasha sleeping on an chair while Beans was walking on the bed, seeing me awake.

"Hey, Beans." I slowly move my left hand, seeing my burn mark on it to pat Beans head, an smile on my face to see her and then, the door opened, revealing Portnova herself.

"Oh shit, Zasha !" She exclaimed loudly, seeing me awake and her voice caused Zasha to brutally woke up, she was happy to see me alive.

"What ?" Zasha said, having been brutally awaken and ready to fall off their chair until they looked at me. "My god, Yirina...yes !" They added, enthusiatic.

"Hi, Zed...hi Portnova." I waved at them both with my left hand too, releasing Beans from it.

"You put an scare in everyone to say, Grigoriev." Portnova stated, taking an seat next to Zasha, her eyes always focused on me. "I did really panick when you were brought back here with everyone, seeing yourself hurt and knocked out."

"How much I was out ?" I asked, curious about it.

"Two days !" Zasha replied, raising two fingers to me with their right hand. "We're the 20th of May." They continued.

"Shit, this long ?" I whispered to myself, shocked to have been 'sleeping' for two days straight, having my right shoulder wounded. "I....I don't know what to think....how's things since ?" I demanded.

"Well, Stone is finally KIA for good and Park make sure that he stayed liked this. Since, we didn't work, wanting to have you back first." Zasha responded, joining their hands together. "Everyone was scare to have lose you, I did see you shooting yourself to kill Stone."

"I know, it was the only way...maybe it was stupid." I proclaimed as these bullets could have killed me only if Stone wasn't behind me but at least, I was here & Stone was out for good. "Are there anything else ?"

"The SAS were able to neutralize the Greenlight bomb Stone stoled and with intels they found in that complex, they managed to find where the others Greenlight bombs were hidden precisely in Western Europe but they can't do an thing because of the CIA." Zasha continued as Portnova was slowly moving her hands towards them, smiling before the two got their hands together, seeing something new on her hands. "And personally....I....I proposed to Yiri...she said yes !"

"You...said yes ?" I whispered, smiling further about it. "That's amazing, I....I'm damn happy about it." I expressed, slowly redressing myself on the bed as Zasha moved an little to make sure that I wasn't going to hurt myself but I gestured to them that I was okay.

"They proposed yesterday....I know that I have to say yes." Portnova spoke up as I was looking at the ring that Zasha gave her, the one they were going to give her years earlier. "Zed told me that...they were going to propose in 1980."

"Yes but...after we discovered the Greenlight files and Perseus took them, I couldn't do it." Zasha breathed, looking at her with great eyes. "I wanted to have you see it but I couldn't resist anymore." They added, looking at me.

"It's okay, you're both good together." I expressed, offering my left hand towards them to took it. "The most important is that you're going to get well together and well protected." I continued, smiling more about thinking of them, finally happy. "The MI6 will do an lot to have you safe including me."

"About the MI6, Park told me that she waws going to offer me an desk job to Century House and I agreed." Zasha said to me and to say, I was quite amazed that Park gave them that opportunity, she had to do it. "For Yiri, Park was able to have an work for her."

"I'm going to be an maths teacher at the University of London." She confessed, remembering the dream she talked about days earlier to us in her old house now. "I'm starting next week."

"That's wonderful !" I grinned, seeing the two that were going to live an good life...until I thought of something. "Uhm....is Park there ?" I demanded in an low voice.

"Yeah, we can tell her that you're awake." Zasha answered.

"Good but...I want to talk to her alone, I need to." I ordered to them as I'm sure that the discussion I will certainly have with her isn't going to be witnessed by them.

"Okay...okay." Zasha whispered before the two got up from their chairs. "Come on, Beans." Zasha tapped at their legs, wanting Beans to follow them outside and to be honest, it was better that Beans goes with them but before she could left, I did tap her for an last time before Beans left the bed and then, the two with Beans leave the room, leaving me alone.

Now that I was alone, I was redouting the moment Park will step inside that room, fearing her reaction towards me....Honestly, this moment was going to be the first time I'm actually scared of Park herself....She did learned that I was present the day in London where her brother died...I don't know how to feel right now. Then, I could see the door handle slowly moving, meaning that Park was just behind that door until it opened, revealing her....changed.

"Yiri." She said in an low voice, sounding happy to see me alive as inside of me, I was fearing that she was going to jump on me in anger. "You're alright ?" She asked for me and I nodded slowly

"Yeah...I'm...I'm good, the shoulder is still hurting me." I replied until I saw what changed in her. "You...you cut your hair ?" I could see that her hair were back like how it was in the days in the old safehouse 3 years ago.

"I...yes, I know that you like it more like that." She stated as I didn't know how to react even if I grinned an little until she moved to get on the seat that Zasha used. "I'm happy to see you alive." She affirmed, offering her hand to me but suddenly, I was feeling ashamed of myself.

"No, I can't." I breathed, looking away from her, impossible for me to look at her in the eyes. "I can't....you know it, you know that I was there that day." I continued, giving my thoughts about it to her.

"I know, it's okay." She admitted.

"Okay ? You & me learned that I did try to save your brother from death but I wasn't fast enough....you should hate me." I told her, almost raising my voice but I couldn't be in anger against her, it's her that should be the one like that towards me. "You should...despise me, even kill me for what I have done."

"No....I will never do that !" She expressed, sounding low in her voice. "Yirina, look at me, please." She ordered even if it wasn't sounding like an actual order, according to her voice. "Please." She pleaded and then, I moved back to look at her, seeing her blue eyes filled with tears, still offering her hand to me that I decide to take slowly.

"I...I relived that day...I talked with your brother." I said as I was always sharing my memory to her and this one was going to be very personal with her. "He was....an good man, seeing the good in me and the same for me. He didn't deserve that." I confirmed, proudly before I moved my other hand to get it on top of hers she was handing to me. "I'm....so sorry, Park."

"It wasn't your fault and I know that." She affirmed to me before with her right hand, she took out from her jacket an paper.

"What's this ?" I asked, curious.

"It's an letter...written by you." She replied, making my eyes go wide at hearing this. "It's unsigned but since Stone told us about what happened that day, I realized that it was you who did write."

"How....what is this letter ?" I whispered as she give me the letter in my hands, to let me take an look.

"While you were here, I did make an trip last day to London in Century House to retrieve some things until I found back this letter, hidden in my desk." She explained, giving more details about the letter as I start to open it fully, seeing my handwritting on it. "I got this a few days after William's death." She added as I start to read the letter.

To William E. Park sister

I don't know you personally and you don't know me but I have to give you this letter by an mean. I know that you're named Helen A. Park and that you're working an doctorate in international relations in Oxford. I know that because I knew your brother William Park, an SAS soldier and an good man, an real good man. One of the few goods man I did know in my life and those people are rare these days.

I'm writing this letter for you because I was there that day, I talked with him in the bar at a few meters the explosion happened but I wasn't an friend of him. Honestly, I did talked with him because he was in danger. I'm working with the organization that orchestrated his death but I was never going to let it happen, I never believed in their ideas but as you know, I wasn't able to save your brother. I'm sorry, miss Park. I tried to save him but I couldn't. Even if I tried to save him, I'm feeling myself guilty for his death.

You're maybe going to hate me and to tear to pieces that letter but each day after that terrible event, I'm still thinking of your brother. Each day, I'm hearing this voice and each night, I'm seeing the same event and because of it, I can't sleep without waking up with an start. I'm so sorry about what happened. I can't tell anything but I want to make sure that I'm trying my best to survive in an difficult world. I want to give you hope but will you accept it from someone like me ?

I'm sorry, miss Park, may your brother rest in peace ! I'm so sorry !

"I....that...I don't know." I started, having finished to read the letter, the tears were already falling down my eyes as I was giving back the letter to Park, looking down. "I'm so sorry." I repeated my words to her, wanting to cry loudly.

"Me too....me too." She grinned, sounding low too as I look at her, also having tears in her eyes. "This is because of this letter that I decide to change my path, it's because of it that I joined the MI6."

"Your brother...he didn't want you to get involved in that world but...." I stopped myself to clean some tears from my face, telling her of words I heard from William in that memory. "I'm sure that he's proud of you." I affirmed, trying to smile until I start to cry for real, causing her to move from her chair to get her arms around me. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I'm sorry too, Yiri....I'm sorry." Park was also crying with me....we went through an lot and we both know that this isn't going to end easily. "Even with what I learned, I know that what you said is true.....you're an good woman, I love you." She affirmed, her head on my shoulder. "I need you, we're going to get through this."

"Yes...we will....I love you too." I said to her, feeling an little relieving and happy as we were both still hugging each other....honestly, I was so happy to be with Park and that she know of myself and my actions....I was there that day but she know that I tried to help her brother, she saw it in me.....

"You're an good woman, my Yiri....I'm so proud of been with you....for always."

#cod bocw #cod cold war #cod black ops cold war #cod cw #call of duty cold war #cod #cod bell #call of duty #black ops cold war #yirina grigoriev #helen park #zasha smirnov #fem!bell

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eagles-translated · 3 years

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Answering Eagles questions before the season 3 finale (Part 1/2)

I've received a bunch of questions since 3x08 and 3x09 dropped, so I compiled all the questions into two posts. I had to split them up because Tumblr only allows 10 images per post. Anyway, keep reading to see my answers and enjoy! 👇

My theory is that everybody will be gathered together for some event and then shit goes down. Sort of like the ending of 1x08.

We've seen an image of Adam, Omar, and Ludde together at a party of some sort. I can't post it here because of Tumblr only allowing ten pictures, but you can find it in Ludde's prediction post that I made prior to the season 3 premiere.

Felicia might be absent from this considering how her mental health has been recently, and instead opting to stay at home rather than attending a party.

I have my suspicions that Elias will be attending this party, though. We saw him at some concert in the season 3 trailer and they made it look like he was watching Amie singing in Stockholm. But maybe Amie will be performing at this party and Elias is watching her here instead?

It seems like Amie singing at the end of the season has become kind of a recurring theme. She performed "Follow" in 1x08 and "Second Sight" in 2x10 (on the radio, but my point still stands). I wouldn't be surprised if they followed this trend by having Amie perform a new song in the season 3 finale.

Maybe Elias approaches her after the performance to express how good she is. He hasn't really seen her do a live performance since 1x08, where she still hadn't really come out of her shell. They've also grown a lot closer this season. Perhaps Elias even has something more to tell her?

I can't help but feel like this party will end on a bad note, though. We have that whole thing with Andreas potentially buying a gun or whatever he's up to (discussed this more in another question down below).

I have a feeling this party is going to get interrupted in some way and that the season is going to end on a major cliffhanger.

I don't even know what they'll do with Ludde and Felicia. Ludde has no idea what happened to Felicia in these last two episodes, and I hope they'll have a conversation just to clear the air surrounding the whole press situation. Ludde still loves her even if he broke things off, and I would really like to see him reassure Felicia that the blame lies with Jack and not her. I don't think they will get back together and repeat what 2x10 did since the drama is still so fresh. Felicia shouldn't really get into a relationship right now, either.

I'm unsure about Klara. I feel like she's mostly done her part this season, but maybe things aren't completely finished between her and Elias. Maybe there were some things left unsaid on Klara's part when she met with Elias at the café, and Elias never really confirmed where he was at.

This talk regarding their relationship (and Eagles?) might happen in the season finale. I'm leaning towards them ending it for good since I doubt they will be getting back together. However, I'm pretty sure that it will be on good terms now after everything Klara did for Felicia.

I somewhat agree with this, even if it was worded a little harshly. Felicia shouldn't have been so quick to share the most personal thing that had ever happened to her on her first date with a guy she had just met. And she shouldn't have done the same thing with Jack, even if it was someone she'd known for longer.

I think she should've at least waited a while to see if the person she told her secrets to was trustworthy—sort of like Ludde did when he told Felicia the truth about how Andreas landed in prison. That's a huge secret and it made more sense to have it be shared closer to the end of the first season rather in the first three episodes.

On the other hand, I can definitely understand why she was so quick to share her problems. Felicia was really lonely when she first came to Oskarshamn. Her parents were fighting all the time, and her dad was only focused on Elias' hockey career. She carried these huge traumatic events and had nobody really supporting her when she ended up at the hospital and was sent to rehab. Felicia couldn't share the secret about her dad's affair either. She really had nobody in her life that she could talk to about any of this.

So it's reasonable that when she finally met a person who she really connected with, she felt comfortable enough to finally share these burdens she had been carrying. She actually started out by saying this to Ludde in 1x03:

I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t talk about it to people.

I don't think Felicia set out to tell her whole backstory to Ludde. It just happened. I'm not saying it was the right choice, but Felicia probably realized that she desperately needed someone to talk to. And she said herself that it felt really good to just get these secrets out (until it didn't when she thought Ludde had spilled the beans to Klara). Felicia even made sure to stress to Ludde that he couldn't tell anybody about her experiences in the US.

Felicia: I don’t want this to come out, that’s really important. Ludde: Of course, I’d never tell.

A similar situation arose with Jack. Felicia was more isolated than ever and she had aborted a child that nobody knew about—not even her mom. That's a huge secret to carry on your own.

Felicia had known Jack since she was a child. She trusted him and he was a family friend. Not only that, but Jack has the ability to be incredibly charming when he wants to be. If anything, it makes more sense that Felicia told her personal things to Jack rather than to Ludde. She couldn't predict that Jack would turn out to be a cheating asshole who would leak everything in the press. It's kind of sad that Felicia would have to constantly keep quiet about all the wounds she's carrying when support from the people around her is the thing she needs and craves.

I've never said that the Kroon family's reaction to them being slandered in the press wasn't valid. I actually understood their anger and frustration quite well, but they let their emotions get the better of them. Yelling at Felicia did nothing to help the situation even though it's fair that they would direct their anger at the person who was to blame in that situation.

It wasn't pretty, and ganging up on Felicia (when her personal business had also been leaked) wasn't the best way to deal with the situation. But because their privacy was violated, I understand it. I can agree with you on that part.

It just sounds like you're implying that Felicia isn't allowed to share personal stuff at all because it would be "gifting ammo to expose her family". If Jack had actually been a decent person and never ruined her family's reputation in the press, you wouldn't be as harsh on her. The situation just got blown out of proportion for everybody.

Put these questions together since they were sort of asking the same thing regarding the last scene of 3x09. Here is the full transcript from that scene if anybody needs a reminder:

Man: Hey. Andreas: Hello. Man: Wasn’t yesterday. Welcome to the outside. Andreas: Thanks. Hey… The last time I saw you, you said you knew somebody who sells. Man: Are you thinking of a fully automatic? Andreas: Yeah, whatever. Man: There’s a guy in Stockholm. I’ll fix it. I’ll send you the number. Just tell him I sent you. Andreas: Alright, good. Got it. Man: Good. Good, see you. Andreas: See you.

It actually didn't click for me at all when I first saw this scene that Andreas could've been talking about buying a gun—my first thought was actually that he was talking about a car because I'm that stupid lmao.

Anyway, there is definitely potential for the season to end on a cliffhanger involving a gun and Andreas. I have a few theories on what the season could end like. Season 3 has been so much darker than previous seasons, so while this might feel too serious for a show like Eagles it's definitely not out of the question after the recent episodes. Anyway, here's what I think could happen.

1. The season ends with Andreas having the gun—but we don't know if he'll actually use it 2. The season ends with Andreas just about to shoot someone—but we don't know who (?) 3. The season ends with Andreas having just shot someone—but we don't know who (?)

I don't know which one of these theories I'm leaning more towards, but I really hope this won't be the outcome for Andreas. He just spent close to a year in prison for something he didn't even do. Andreas is not a criminal, and it would be disappointing if he actually ended up doing this. They could be throwing us for a loop.

I mean, personally I don't think shooting somebody because they were the reason my younger brother didn't get into his dream school is enough reason to risk ending up in prison for. Yes, Ludde got his reputation ruined, but there are other ways to solve that than to resort to crime. Andreas should know that too, considering the whole thing where he got landed in jail because he tried to protect Ludde.

This could absolutely be the case but at the same time I'm a little unsure. Hopefully things will just go up from here since the last two episodes were so dark, but I'm unsure what that last scene in 3x09 will mean for the season finale.

I hope they will do something similar to 2x10, where the ending was more bittersweet than just sour. We had the moment with Elias finally being drafted to the US and then Felicia and Ludde finally getting back together. We saw Amie achieve her dreams as a pop star. And yet there were still sour tones with us seeing Klara's dad passing away, Ludde being brought to the police station, and Amie being entirely alone and heartbroken.

2x10 was a really good episode and the ending montage gave me goosebumps the first time I saw it. I think ending a season like that, with both positives and negatives, hits you more emotionally rather than just ending on one or the other. The 1x08 season finale was really depressing and while the cliffhanger was intriguing, it didn't hit as hard for me as 2x10.

I'm kind of curious if they'll be able to top that episode—it's definitely among my personal favorites.

My stance is that if Elias and Amie won't happen in 3x10, they will be guaranteed to happen in season 4. There is no way they're passing that opportunity up. They have clear chemistry, are fan favorites, and it absolutely makes sense for them to get together considering where they're at in their journeys—both having realized their dreams but then coming back to Oskarshamn because it didn't turn out the way they thought it would.

I think they have a mutual understanding of each other—in season 3 more than ever—and it would definitely be a shame if their potential was wasted. So I can't see the writer(s) passing up that opportunity.

There is a possibility for Elias to make a move in the season 3 finale, but I think it's better to keep our expectations low. We just had Felicia go through something really traumatic and her whole family is dealing with the ramifications of Jack slandering them in the media. Elias's relationship with Amie might have to take a backseat because of that.

There's also the thing where we thought that Petra might forbid Amie from seeing Elias because the newspapers painted him as a sex addict. But I think Petra and Amie have reached an understanding in their relationship after the whole Michael thing, and I can see Petra taking Amie's word when saying that Elias isn't what the press makes him out to be—and that he's not like his father.

I really do want to see something happen between them in the season finale, though. I'm excited but impatient for Elias and Amie and I think there are many fans who feel the same way.

But there is a reason they've been so slow to develop their relationship. Elias and Amie have grown as people separately and they're at a point where I believe they're more compatible than they ever were previously. They've been building their character development, slowly but surely, and I like that they haven't been rushed together like Felicia and Ludde were.

If nothing happens between them in season 3, don't lose hope. I think season 4 will absolutely be Elias and Amie's season.

I hope so. I hope Petra isn't listening to the tabloids and tries to see what's in front of her instead, which is that Elias is not Mats.

Elias is entirely his own person. I know Petra was heartbroken when Mats left her after getting drafted, but when Elias was put into this exact situation he hesitated because he didn't want to leave Klara alone.

Klara: Elias… I don’t understand why you’re even thinking about this. Of course you’re going [to the US]. You’ve always wanted this. Right? Elias: But I don’t want to leave you.

Petra doesn't know about this, but we as the audience do. Elias's actions have always been caring and supportive (and I'm not just saying this because Elias has always been my favorite character). It should only be a matter of time until Petra realizes that, if she just gave him a chance.

I think that Petra will eventually see that Amie has finally found someone special who makes her happy. That Elias isn't at all like how Mats was at his age, or like Michael who didn't even bother to support her.

Petra has been so unlucky in love and I hope she can see through her prejudices and let her daughter be happy and loved, in the way that Petra never really got to be.

It could happen, but even if it does I don't think they will be separated for most of season 4.

Maybe Amie decides to finally take charge of her career and tells the record label that she's doing this her way or not at all. Maybe she even decides to quit to try a music career on her own terms, or with a different label that doesn't make her as successful but doesn't control her.

I never felt like the particular record label Amie ended up with was a great fit for her. Yes, she's very talented and I would love to see her become an even bigger star, but only if it's done the way Amie wants it to be done. There could be the possibility of Amie leaving the label, just like how Elias left the US.

I definitely think Felicia has picked up on Elias overworking himself. He's been at the gym constantly, even during the school field trip to Stockholm. Elias left this huge opportunity in the US to come back to Eagles, and the overworking could be a result of him feeling like he has to prove to both himself and the people around him that this decision was the right one.

They've been super subtle about this whole thing and I hope they will be discussing it properly soon instead of just giving us small snippets. There was discussion about this being an eating disorder, but I think it's leaning more towards overworking like you said and bad eating habits (in my opinion, we would need to see something more drastic before drawing the conclusion that Elias might have an eating disorder).

There's so much that needs to be brought up in the season 3 finale—like what exactly Andreas is planning and its outcome, Felicia healing after her suicide attempt and potentially having a conversation with Ludde, and maybe some sort of triangle drama between Elias and if he'll choose Klara or Amie. There are so many possibilities here that I have my suspicions that this storyline won't be fully resolved in just one episode.

I think it will be pushed forward into season 4 because that seems to make the most sense right now. I've been wrong before though, so something else could definitely happen.

#eagles svt #svt eagles #if you sent in a question recently and it wasn't among these you'll probably find it in part 2!#working on it right now

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ghostiewriter · 4 years

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(Spoilers for Six of Crows)

Me again, with my obsession of the crows...

Who do you think had the most tragic/ painful journey and background out of the six of them?

I honestly think it's Inej....Kaz and Matthias (the latter is often forgotten, but the poor boy lost so much) are close seconds. Because 1) she had a home and was wrenched from it. 2) Had her humanity crushed so that a disgusting woman could make money. 3) I feel like while the rest found some purpose (Kaz with revenge, Matthias with being a druskelle, etc.), she didn't. She became the wraith so she could earn her way out of the contract. And it wasn't until the incinerator climb (where she almost died!) that she finally know what she would do.

Other than this, the . amount of times she had bled for her crew gets me every time...

And now I'm crying.. great.

Bless dude, nah I love your asks!😂I’ll do a wee under the line thing so people who haven’t read it can avoid more spoilers though!!

It’s honestly so hard to choose because each of them have gone through their separate journeys, all traumatic in their own right and I honestly feel bad for comparing them 😅they are all shit and I wouldn’t like to have experienced any of them! I do think they all kinda represent different reactions to trauma and PTSD though, which I quite like.

Kaz obviously was not always the suave schemer we know. He was once a naive, young boy who believed what the adults told him. He would cling onto the last of his family and he trusted people that were scummy idiots in the end. I think being played by them and them being the cause of his brother’s death plays a lot into his reaction. When we first meet Kaz, he’s portrayed as this stone-cold, uncaring dude who gives zero shits about anything that doesn’t benefit him. But the more we read, we see that he’s actually gone out of his way to avoid making the same mistakes. He never trusts anyone blindly, but he does open somewhat up to the people he could consider the closest thing to his chosen family (Inej and Jesper) and it’s something we don’t really talk about tbh.

Inej, like you said, went from having everything to nothing so quickly. She had her family, she treasured what she was good at and she quite enjoyed her life and then it was all stripped away from her and she was thrown into a place where she had zero control over anything she did. She had her freedom stripped away from her, and I think that’s why being the Wraith is the perfect contrast to her trauma. As the Wraith she may be doing bad things and not being as honest or kind as she once was, but she is controlling everything. When she’s jumping between rooftops, hiding in the shadows, all of it is under her control. She names her knives, she knows how to use them and she is the one that can be seen at any point whenever she chooses to. It’s really important and don’t even get me started on how her relationship with Kaz because I have so much to say for the both of them!

Jesper represents this underlying fear in everyone’s head of “I don’t want to disappoint my parents” and it’s the motive that kinda pushes a lot of his actions. He’s been through so much and then here his father gives him a chance to be a better man, he blows it and that guilt haunts him. His addiction to gambling is more than just about winning, it’s those moments just when he knows he’s going to win and the look on people’s faces after when he’s done just what he’s been boasting all night about. There’s no disappointment in their faces when it happens and that’s the high he chases. I think his father learning the truth plays a big part in him coming to terms with what he’s been hiding from, but also his friendship/brotherhood with Kaz. Because that boy always knows what to expect, he always has a plan B, he knows everyone’s next move because he’s always three steps ahead so therefore he can’t be disappointed in Jesper and that’s literally one of the best things for him.

Nina, bless her heart, I love this girl so much and what she’s been through just HURTS my soul. From being grisha, being captured and having her whole journey with Matthias, their separation and their eventual reunion. Creating that bond again and having to explain her actions (ones she did for her own survival so you can’t really blame her). But the thing about Nina that breaks my heart is the fact she’s still so hopeful. She still talks about her home like it’s there and thriving, she’s gotta quite an optimistic view even throughout the books. It’s not only a beautiful contrast to Matthias, but it’s just such a refreshing breeze from the rest of the crows in their outlooks. But you see her sacrifice so much, taking the powder and fighting that addiction, struggling to use her powers that she once was able to use without a blink of an eye, see her lose Matthias and starting to lose that sunshine as well. It’s heartbreaking and knowing her story isn’t over completely with King Of Scars, I do hope that Nina regains some happiness in her life cause that girl fucking deserves it.

Matthias is such an underrated character and so is the shit he’s been through. Peoples’s issue with him is somewhat similar to the reaction/hate towards Chaol from the Throne of Glass series, in the sense of their reaction to the thing they’ve been grown up and trained to hate. Matthias has known nothing but his purpose of a solider. He’s trained to be such and he’s trained to have a deep-rooted, prejudice hatred towards Grisha. His relationship with Nina is obviously a big part in him overcoming that, but it’s still not perfect and we can see that plenty of times whenever any other Grisha other than Nina is brought up or she discusses her home. It’s definitely environmental but it still plays a huge part in his identity crisis as well. And just think, he trusted Nina and she “betrayed” him and he was thrown into a prison because of it with no real inclination of why she did so until a year or so later. Think about what he had to go through in that prison, we even see him fight the animal he has worshipped all his life because he had to prioritise his survival. We see the other soldiers in the Ice Court mock and tease and judge him for the man he had to become because he was fighting for his own survival. His trauma and challenges and identity crises stems from the environment he was raised in, but he does overcome it in the end and it’s a fact that people seem very eager to skim over. I think that’s why his death hit me so hard when I read it because of his last chapter when he realised he was able to go home to the wolves, but he knew a part of him still belonged to Nina. God I’m crying now!!

And Wylan, bless his heart, this boy owns my heart and I wish to protect him from everyone. Growing up in an environment where you’re constantly told you’re not good enough is shit. Finding out your father faked your mother’s death is also shit. Finding out your father is an asshole who paid to have you killed is beyond shit. And yet, there was always a part of him that wanted to make his father proud because he wanted to prove him wrong, show him that he was worth surviving. It’s honestly so sad because his father couldn’t see how intelligent he was in other subjects. His father was so one-minded and picky and once Wylan realised that, and realises he shouldn’t have to prove anything to this piece of shit, his character growth is beautiful. It really changes him, makes him much more ruthless tbh and I think that shows in Crooked Kingdom when he and Kaz are quite buddy-buddy . He’s gone from being this naive boy that no one trusted and believed could ever do any good and he’s given his life purpose. He’s come out of his shell and he’s much stronger than the person he first was when we met him and I love it honestly. He becomes so much more sure of himself when he drops that “I need to prove myself to my father” weight off his back.

ANYWAYS😂I’m sorry for that wee rant but tbh I honestly don’t know who I would say had the most tragic backstory because they are all shit and I wouldn’t want to experience any of them. In conclusion, I love all of them very much and would like to protect them from the world :)

#ask #six of crows

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hes-writer · 4 years

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I'm the anon who wrote about the reality-AU ask.

And I have a different view from what you wrote, because for me there where 2 major things:

1. Reader wasn't a strong woman

2. Harry was definitely an arrogant, selfish prick to reader.

I will start with 1.

So, what moral and values? I honestly don't understand that part because for me moral and values mean one thing and I don't see they fitting the situation.

Regardless, MC wasn't a strong woman for several reasons.

She allowed her pain get in the way of her child's life several times, she literally got with the first guy that showed her love when she wasn't ready nor emotionally stable, if we take in mind that she met him at halfway through her pregnancy and in 2 years ish she was already living with him and allowing her child to call him "dad". So she clinged to Connor as a substitute and staple to the family she had planned having with Harry, just like Harry clinged to Camille's offer as a way to have what he dreamed having with Y/N. None of them put their child's best interest first, otherwise she would have found a way to deal with her pain while allowing him to be part of Halo's life and he would have found a way to accept that he would never have what he wanted bc of his mistakes in the past.

And the clearest sign of that is her conversation with Harry in the last chapter. She did love Connor, but he was only there because Harry blocked her. If he hadn't, he'd have seen the text and be involved in his kids life. So, I know you said something about being emotionally available as a parent and that's my argument for that. Harry wasn't emotionally a dad bc that chance was taken from him out of spitefulness and he still tried to be there, he made a mistake but he never gave up. He was robbed of it countless times bc MC was never healed properly to let go of her personal feelings and focus on Halo, bc I can guarantee you that if given the chance, Halo would forget it and choose to have a relationship with Harry.

Which brings me to my previous point... He wasn't Halos dad, MC made him her dad because she didn't want to deal with Harry when she knew that he had a right to at least be informed about the baby, regardless of her relationship with him. In the story you make it known that he blocked her and that's how she couldn't tell him, but she kept in touch with his family + he contacted her at some point. So, she uses her own actions against him and he let's her out of guilty, showing a bit of manipulation from her side. Both of them were toxic and manipulative. Just bc you were hurt, doesn't give you a right to act as you please, speacially when a child is involved. That shouldn't even be put to argument and I'd have agreed with you more if you hadn't tried to classify MC as a victim at all costs, even when she was the wrong one.

If this was real life, a girl behaving like her would be concerning, so why in a fanfic she's considered strong? Because she standed up for herself and for her daughter? I mean, did she truly stand up for her child? Can we truly say that? Or did she allow her own barriers and insecurities surround them and keep Harry distant? Wouldn't a healed and strong woman be capable of dealing with her ex for their's daughter sake, speacially when she's in a happy and healthy relationship?

Parents are allowed mistakes. None of them know what they're doing and the greatest majority of the world is filled with people who weren't mature enough to be parents, yet somehow were allowed to.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry for all the pain he caused her.

He left her, so she didn't tell him about their baby, then when he found out she monopolised his entire relationship with his daughter and did some pretty illegal stuff, and when he committed his first mistake with the child she cut him off completely without taking in account what her daughter wanted.

Have you watched the show The Duchess on Netflix? I think its a great example of my point here, in case you don't understand it.

Also, forgot to say that she was toxic again when she kept threatening him over wanting to be with his kid. Like, we spend tons of times telling people to be responsible with their art, as it can be a door into introducing kids to things. We also spend a ton of time telling boys that they should care about their babies and be there for them. Then you come and write a fic where the guy gets threatened and manipulated when trying to be with his 🤷🏻‍♀️

MC definitely had her right to commit her own mistakes, as I said, parents will do it countless times. But I think that's a bit unfair that she gets as many as she wants bc she got hurt previous to baby being born, yet Harry barely gets one when trying to figure himself out after finding out about his kid. You mentioned that a judge would never give Harry any custody bc of what he did and that was a bit dumb, sorry. Law is based on justice, balance and protecting the victim with fairness and justice, therefore Harry would have been granted at least the benefit of the doubt as his mistakes were minor and the victim in this story is Halo, not MC✌🏽

This is a long one.

Morals and values are not fitting in the situation.

Morals are personal beliefs that a person upholds and values are something that are regarded as important. I think that everybody uses them in most of the things they do so they definitely fit the situation.

She literally got with the first guy that showed her love...

I wouldn’t say that MC clung unto Connor and got into a relationship with him right away. The first couple of instances—they were just friends and weren’t officially together until Reign.

None of them put their child’s best interest first // Reader wasn’t a strong woman

I agree that both parties didn’t act on the best interest of their child but that doesn’t necessarily mean that MC wasn’t a strong woman. Sure, she wasn’t ideal in the context of being a mother—but she mended herself enough to give Harry a chance when he found out, even setting up limits while she was at it.

Wouldn’t you think that that takes courage? Besides the preceding fact that it is courteous to tell someone that you’re having their baby (no argument there), especially to someone who has cheated and betrayed your trust, you are sweeping the pain away. MC was letting Harry back in even if she personally didn’t want to. Harry was a huge part of her life so I think reminiscing on their relationship would never cease; they have a kid together. All the good and bad of their time together will always be present in her mind.

Harry was robbed [of being a dad]

You think that Harry was robbed of being a Dad, I can’t convince you otherwise. You said it yourself though, ‘if Harry hadn’t blocked MC, he would’ve seen the text and he would’ve been a dad to Halo’.

But he did—and the following points of your argument are, in a sense, irrelevant because what you’re pointing out is what could’ve happened if Harry didn’t do what he did. These are the consequences of his actions. “He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,” <- That scene was the turning point of MC’s decision and frankly, a showcase of Harry’s immaturity. MC said she had something to tell him and he retaliated by blocking her.

As well, you mention, ‘if given the chance, Halo would forget about it’—there’s a lot of assumptions in your argument because these aren’t part of the original story. These are what you think should’ve happened.

He blocked her [...] but she kept in touch with his family

MC kept in touch with his family on the pretext that they wouldn't inform harry that the baby was his. This was because of a misunderstanding due to a post on Camille's IG page. H seemed happy with his new relationship. MC didn't NOT tell him out of SPITE—it was because she didn't want to ruin his relationship with Camille.

Harry contacted her at some point // Just because you’re hurt doesn’t give you the right to act as you please

Yes, Harry did contact her—to call her a ‘whore’ and stated that she ‘probably slept around’ during their relationship. [ie. Harry: Why not? Scared that y’gonna have to admit that everything you put on was an act? How can y’move on so fast and give me shit about it?”] I’m guessing that’s probably not the best way for H to ask about MC’s pregnancy and I can imagine that the sheer rudeness and projection will deter most people.

His dialogues were an attack on her personality (that she was a liar and disloyal), on the validity of her emotions (that she was faking them), and on her identity as woman solely because he was crumbling under the truth that he was the one who messed up. I mentioned before that Harry’s insults were a projection as a result of his defence mechanism. Meaning that he was—to some extent—aware that MC hadn’t cheated but convinced himself otherwise to feel less guilty. Therefore, at the end of Halo, he judged the credibility of their child.

If this was real life...

And this is a fanfiction.

Once again, MC might not have been the ideal representation of a strong woman, but she stepped up when Halo was introduced.

Imagine going through a break-up with your SO of two years while you’re pregnant because he went behind your back FOR A YEAR, amidst hormonal changes, still going to work, and trying to find yourself when someone has taken so much of you—that’s traumatizing. Healing isn’t linear. Just because you’re wounded doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry

MC was honest but she wasn’t truthful. Her intentions were human nature yet keeping Halo away from Harry wasn’t very truthful of her—in legalities and such.

I don’t think MC monopolized H/H’s relationship. She gave Harry a chance to bond with Halo, and they did. As mentioned, MC had set limits and boundaries when discussing Harry’s presence in their daughters’ life. It was a legally binding, word-of-mouth, agreement that Harry assented to.

[he was] threatened and manipulated

In that sense, Harry’s hostility towards MC in Reign was threatening her decision to have him around [ie. You’re not something I would take the time to handle,” // You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’]

I understand your concern and I apologize for that. I’m not explicitly saying that this one piece of fiction is satirical in the sense that it’s the opposite of what society chants because that would be vile of me to do. Every circumstance is different though—it really is a choice of preference, validation and weighing out the subject matter.

You mentioned that a ‘judge would never give Harry custody’ and that was a bit dumb...

That line was never part of the story.

"Take it up legally if you'd like. Want to have a custody battle? Bring it on. Let's see whose side the judge is on after they find out that you cheated on me while I was pregnant with Halo."

Suggesting that the conclusion can be one of shared-custody wherein MC has more time with Halo (80/20 visitation schedule).

#the tarnish series #feedback!!#blog post #writing #fanfiction

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oumakokichi · 8 years

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What do you think Ouma would have been like if he survived to the end of the game? Or what about just outside of the game, like in an au where this game didn't happen? (I'm sorry I just love his character and I want the next game(?) that says no one ever died and they're all living happily)

There’s no need to apologize! Ireally love these particular questions, and it’s not exactly a secret that Oumais my favorite DR character—I would honestly have loved to see him survive,moreso with what an important, vital character he was to the whole game evenafter his death. The fact that even after dying, Ouma was essentially “present”at both the Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 trials (first because of the Exisal planwith Momota, then because of all the clues, hints, and mysteries surroundinghim that led to them finding out so much of the truth) has always struck me asvery, very interesting. And he had so much potential as a survivor, especiallywith his cover blown and his plans against the mastermind made clear.

I’ve actually talked a littlebit about my ideas on this before, in a post here a while back! And some peoplelike @klepotmaniac and @ouma–kokichis have also expanded on the idea and beeninterested in it! I still feel like there was real potential to take the Exisalplan in Chapter 5 and take it in another direction entirely. It was stillincredibly amazing with how well done it was in-game, of course, but I feellike there was definitely a very noticeable opening there where Ouma couldactually have been one of the survivors.

The most interesting thing, ofcourse, is that Ouma would have lived through that event without wanting to. Heclearly was very willing to die in Chapter 5. His death was entirely avoidable,and if he’d wanted to throw Maki and Momota to the wolves and just hole himselfup in the Exisal to be malicious, he easily could have. Instead, he chosewillingly to give the antidote to Momota instead, have Momota be the one tocarry out the plan in the Exisal, and went completely willingly to his deathunder the press, all because he could strike back at the mastermind. And Maki,who did honestly, truly intend to kill him, didn’t have to be executed as aculprit.

I feel like if Momota hadrealized what Ouma was trying to do with the antidote ahead of time and refusedto drink it, things could’ve gotten really interesting. Because Momota wouldn’twant to die from the poison and therefore make Maki into a killer, but he alsorealized that his time was limited no matter what he did. Even without thepoison, his sickness was just about ready to kill him, as is clear from how hedies only midway through his own execution later on.

And Momota is such a shounenprotag at heart: if there’s a way to avoid the biggest number of sacrificespossible, he’ll take it. He wants to fight people, but he doesn’t want them todie. Had he realized exactly what Ouma was trying to pull, and realized thefact that there was no need for Ouma to die, I think it’s entirely possible hewould’ve thrown Ouma’s plans off somewhat by just refusing to drink theantidote. If that were to happen, both of them would die, Maki would beexecuted for a double-murder just like Korekiyo, and nothing about the killinggame would change at all.

So very bitterly andreluctantly, I think Ouma would spell out his whole plan about trying to usethe press to discover the cause of death and identity of the victim/culprit,hoping that by making it super clear he could get Momota to go along with it.And the plan is brilliant, of course, but it would still require one of thembeing a victim and the other being a culprit, except for one thing: contrary toOuma’s expectations, it’d be perfectly possible for Momota to kill himselffirst, and then for Ouma to disguise the state of the body, cause of death,etc. using the press afterwards.

In a very Sakura-like twist fromdr1 where Momota is both the culprit and the victim of his own murder, there’dbe two lives saved rather than one.And the whole plan with the Exisal, and confusing Monokuma, would still work.The Exisal would still protect Ouma from Maki trying to kill him (because shewould, undeniably want to kill him, blaming him for Momota’s death).

And no matter how tired he wasand how ready he to die he was after all the shit he’d gone through in thekilling game, I don’t think Ouma would have ultimately been able to convinceMomota out of it. If it were an all-or-nothing situation where they were goingto keep being stubborn, and considering how little time they had before theeffects of the bomb wore off and the cameras came back, I think Ouma would havehad no choice but to compromise. Momota and Ouma lay out a plan for Momota tokill himself in the machinery bay first, Ouma drinks the antidote for real thistime so he’s no longer being slowly poisoned to death, and after the deed isdone, Ouma disguises the truth about the body with the press.

With Ouma in the Exisal insteadof Momota, the whole catbox plan regarding the victim’s identity probably would’vebeen taken even further than before. The things Ouma managed to convey just byhaving Momota act them out with a script he provided, Ouma himself would beable to perform a million times more convincingly—and that’s saying something,since Momota was already a pretty damn convincing actor. Meanwhile, littletip-offs and slip-ups in the trial would’ve caught his notice, probably,including things about the Remnants of Despair, Junko, the whole “hope vs.despair” language the others were now talking in, etc.

But what Momota knew in Chapter5, Ouma clearly knew too, because the hints he left behind were so obvious, andno matter how badly he wanted to strike back at the mastermind, he was neverwilling to bet anyone else’s lives to do it, because lives are so important tohim. They both knew Saihara would ultimately reach the truth of the matter, ifgiven enough time. And so Saihara, having to disregard all his previousmisconceptions, and having to deal with Maki still convinced and unshakable inher belief that Ouma is the culprit, would manage to reach the truth that Oumais the one in the Exisal but didn’t kill Momota at all, and that Momota killedhimself and let his body be crushed after death precisely because the detailswould be closed up into a catbox.

If Ouma had truly wanted toeven in-game, much less in this AU idea I’m discussing, he could’ve made theChapter 5 trial into a real catbox. There was absolutely no reason for him totell Momota to leave the clues he did, including his shirt in the toilet, thecamcorder video of “Momota” being killed under the press, or Momota’s jacketsleeve poking out from under the press—unless he definitely did not want to risk everyone’s lives forreal, and he knew that Saihara wouldreach the truth once he had those clues in hand.

And if he were a survivor, he’dknow it too. If Saihara were able to reach the truth in spite of everything,and particularly in spite of what a convincing villain routine Ouma had beenrunning ever since Chapter 4, I think even Ouma would come out of that Exisal.After a whole trial of a convincing, super dramatic act full of questions like “Whoam I?” and “Who are you guys gonna vote for?”, at the very end I think Ouma woulddecide to “open the catbox.”

And rather than pulling anyfurther acts or facades or routines, I think he’d just be blank. Shaky, from nearly being poisoned to death before, andtired, and further traumatized by Momota having died in front of him. Therewouldn’t be any further need for his usual acts and routines, because Saiharaalready reached the truth of his plans to confront the ringleader, and alreadyknows now that Ouma himself is not the ringleader. And I think while stilllooking very blank and neutral, Ouma would tell them all the entire truth ofwhat happened in the machinery bay.

There would be so muchpotential for his inclusion into the group at this point. I’ve thought about ita lot. While it’s certainly true that Ouma did things, horrible things, inorder to progress with his plans this far, it’s also true that the whole groupwould’ve died without his help in previous cases. And rather than realizingthat he was trying to literally stop the killing game once and for all, it’strue that the entire group reacted against him, and that Maki in particularwent off right into the real ringleader’s plans and tried to torture and killOuma to death despite promising not to try anything of the sort in front ofthem all.

There were definitely mistakeson both sides, and Ouma’s desperation to end the game and disgust at the ideaof killing and murder is precisely the reason he was so willing to try and lethimself die under that press. But since he’s now essentially living on forMomota’s sake, because it’s a sacrifice Momota was willing to make for thewhole group, now he has to stick around, and he hardly even feels like it,because he already had to compromise his morals and dirty his hands.

But the truth Saihara wouldhave reached in this scenario isn’t just that Ouma wasn’t the culprit of that particular case, or the ringleader—it’sthat despite Ouma’s act, and all his claims, he’s not evil. He’s not irredeemable.

With Ouma on their side, theChapter 6 investigation would have been so much fun. The group would still havebeen reacting to having him actually included as one of their number, ratherthan just a figure to be reviled. Maki, while still probably unable to bringherself to like or trust Ouma entirely, wouldn’t have been able to help feelingsomewhat guilty, I think, considering it’s her own actions, not Ouma’s, thatwound up getting Momota killed—and because she almost got Ouma killed too, eventhough he was never the ringleader or the leader of the Remnants of Despair atall.

The trial with Tsumugi wouldhave been an absolute blast. I’vepointed out that there are some pretty blatant contradictions in some of thelies Tsumugi tells them all, particularly when she starts aiming for thingslike their romantic feelings or emotions, and when she brings up “every singledevelopment being part of her scenario” (because things like Momota’s illnessclearly contradict this).

Even though the rest of thecharacters were far too traumatized and shocked by these realizations to noticewhere it was obvious that she was lying, I feel pretty sure that Ouma wouldhave noticed. And after quite a while of being blank and unsure how exactly toproceed within a group that he had felt isolated from for so long, I think he’dreally find himself slipping back into the role he does best, and some of hismost fun sprites and dramatic routines would’ve come back in the Chapter 6trial.

No matter how much Tsumugiwanted to make things into a real catbox of her own in Chapter 6, with all thecharacters unable to prove or disprove anything about her fictional scenarios,Ouma is very skilled at pinpointing other’s lies, precisely because he deals inlies himself. There would’ve been so much potential for him to really shake herarguments in Chapter 6, and I’m kind of sad that we’ll never get to see itoutside of some potential fanart or fanfictions.

Chapter 6 features so muchabout the characters being led to believe that they were not necessarily thebest people before entering the killing game. It’s impossible for them to knowthe truth about themselves one way or the other: everything, from their memoriesto their backstories to their talents, is called into question, and they haveto live with knowing that it’s incredibly likely that they signed themselves upfor this kind of game. And still, they decide to embrace the identities theyhave within the game. Even if they’re just fiction, even if their identitiesare “lies,” they’re real to them, precisely because of what they’ve been through.

But so much about Ouma is thatby knowing ages before the rest of them that these things are lies, he has nosense of identity. The reason he calls into question things like “common sense”and “reality” within his FTEs, even the very early ones with Kaede, is becauseOuma knows that nothing is trustworthy in this game. Not his talent, not hismemories, and not the people around him. So much about his prison mode ending,too, is about trying to “discover” himself and figure out who he really is ormight become—and I would have loved to see this explored with him as asurvivor.

If most of the rest of the gamehad proceeded the same, and they had all decided to abstain from voting inorder to flip a giant middle finger to the killing game and the audience atlarge, then I could see Ouma winding up as a survivor exactly the same asSaihara, Maki, and Himiko do. And it would have been very rewarding, in a way,to see him get the chance to see the hole in the dome representing the way tothe outside world, and realize that he had in fact accomplished some of what heset out to do.

If there’s a character arc I’ma sucker for, it’s atonement. Even if there are things that a character can’tever be forgiven for, even if they’ve done awful things and can’t forgivethemselves, I honestly enjoy characters who try to atone anyway, precisely becausethey’ll never be forgiven, but they can at least lessen their guilt somewhat.And I think Ouma would fit into this kind of trope quite well as a survivor—andI think that even if he wasn’t sure of “who” he was or what would be on theother side of that dome awaiting them, with the killing game over once and forall, I think he’d honestly, finally be able to start trusting Saihara and theothers as a group.

The end of ndrv3 deals so much “lies”becoming “truths,” and therefore being accepted as reality no matter what otherpeople or the real world might tell you. This motif is the “answer” Saihara andthe others find in canon, in response to Tsumugi’s “unshakable truth” that theyare fiction, and it’s the reason they’re able to reach an answer for themselvesthat had nothing to do with either hope or despair. And it’s Ouma who wassuggesting this kind of answer long before any of the rest of them. I really,truly would love to see the rest of the survivors, and Saihara in particular,kind of realizing that fact about Ouma.

Anyway, this has gotten prettylong so I’ll stop, but it’s an AU idea I love to think about! I’m really gladyou both asked, and I hope I was able to share some of my thoughts on the matter!

#ndrv3 #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #kokichi ouma #ouma kokichi #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #i have way too many au ideas but this is still one of my favorite ones #mostly because i feel like it would work quite well with actual canon material #real pidge #arcpitia

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