#the worst feelings comes from this shit happening in my teenage years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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aita for telling someone they're a horrible person and making them relapse?

trigger warning: self-harm, suicide(?)

so im, like many teenagers online, an avid participant of fandom spaces and my current favorite is genshin impact. if you've ever interacted with the genshin fandom you may guess where this is going but i happened to find myself liking a ship that is the big nono ship in this fandom (aka the incest ship, kaeluc) but since i mostly stick to my space and don't really interact with anyone that doesn't already have content of this ship on their account id never gotten into any hot water over it.. until recently.

this person, ill call them rick, suddenly liked a bunch of my (non-ship related) posts. normal interaction, i didn't think anything of if and moved on. (i didn't even notice at the time, but they unliked all of the posts before what happened next, i assume as they realized i was a proshipper and didn't want to associate with me.) next thing i know, the same user is in my askbox, sending me the most vile, hate filled messages i have ever seen.

ok... no biggie. i delete the asks, block them and move on with my life. but it doesn't stop. i had never in my whole life received hate online, but now for the first time ever, i had a dedicated hater, sending me anonymous asks at all times of the day. death threats, dox threats, telling me to kill myself, calling me a degenerate and all that, all with the same consistent writing style. now, one could say that maybe this wasn't rick, and maybe not even all the same person but i really feel like this is the only reasonable explanation considering i have like 6 followers and my most famous post has 3 notes. i don't think im important enough to have that many haters.

so, i did the only thing i could think to do: turned off anon asks. then the asks started coming from random throwaway accounts. ok...turned off asks. then it was dms. turned those off too. THE FUCKING COMMENT SECTIONS OF MY POSTS.

dedication isn't enough to describe this. at this point it's actually becoming distressing to me and im considering closing my whole account cause i just wanna get away from all this. im 16, i don't have the mental capacity to spend all day policing my social media because someone wants me to die for liking fictional incest.

so i very reluctantly unblock rick and send them a dm. i very gently ask if they are the person who has been sending me asks/dms/etc and if they are, if they could please stop because it's become genuinely distressing to me and i just want to be silly on a website. they block me.

alright, im now out of options. everything on my profile is blocked at this point and i don't even want to post anything else so i just kind of leave the account behind for a while. when i come back, i discover that someone HACKED into the account and defaced the whole thing (changed pfp, deleted posts etc etc) so now im genuinely bummed. i go to rick's profile and guess who has been unblocked? i ask them if they can please answer my question. they don't answer but instead tell me i deserve everything ive gotten and i should choke for all they care.

i tell them they're a terrible person and go absolutely off the rails like the dumb, upset teenager i am. i didn't say anything particularly horrible (mostly i just tell them about how awful they've made me feel over fictional shit that really doesn't matter and how i just wanted peace) but i definetely wouldn't like to receive a message like that. and rick didn't either, because they blocked me.

well, since im sure you're wondering where this comes in, here's where i kind of feel like an asshole:

i continued to stalk rick's account on a different blog (because i was bitter. ok?) and they've been posting about how they relapsed into self harm because of a message they received from a stranger and how they've been crying non-stop and this is the worst relapse they've had in years and etc etc and i just got this pit in my stomach. this person's bio says they're 15! i don't want to ever be the reason a fifteen year old is hurting themselves! i've been feeling like a piece of shit ever since (esp since i also deal with sh) and i just feel like the worse person ever. i honestly don't know if i was just acting like anyone else and this was an unfortunate consequence or if i need to go pray for god to forgive my sins or something.

aita?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw #self harm cw #ship discourse

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ziggyzolch · 3 months

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Your Prettiness is Seeping Through II (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

Warnings: maybe bungled the medical stuff and process of being admitted, suicidal ideation, aftermath, descriptions of self harm kind of? its not like currently happening. Bulimia and what comes with it. Those r the main things I think.

----------------------------------------------------

-------the shame is manifest in my resistance------- ❅��❅

“So they’re admitting you?”

You could feel the snow being crushed beneath your weight as you leaned back on your hands. The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon and your best friend was sitting next to you on a random curb, taking the pack of cigarettes from your hand.

It was mid-winter. The city streets bustled with the cheer of festive Christmas decorations and the harmonies of carolers. It almost makes you feel better. You never cared for Christmas, or religion in general, but the joy in the little kids’ faces at the snow blanketing the streets, and the laughing of teenagers having snowball fights was cute.

It helped.

You sigh, turning towards your friend, “No, I don’t think so. Most that’ll happen is I’ll be in therapy, I guess.”

She rubs her hands together in an attempt to warm up, “I think I’d kill myself if I got caught. Kidding, you’ll be fine. Probably.”

You scoff, “Thanks,”

You snatched the pack from her hand, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

You had gotten over the fear of throat cancer a long time ago. It’s more of an expectation than a fear now. Smoking and purging at the same time kind of makes it an inevitability. The thought of death didn’t scare you. Not that you were cripplingly suicidal. You didn’t desperately want to die anymore, you just wouldn’t mind if you did. If you died from all of these habits, it was fine, great even. If not, whatever.

Passively suicidal.

Tomorrow, you’ll have your long awaited psych evaluation. You were shocked that it wasn’t the first thing they’d done. You weren’t that big of a risk anyways. A week has passed since your parents caught you, and you’d been made to take a number of medical tests to determine the severity of your bulimia, or something.

The first one was a general physical assessment, the most simple yet most uncomfortable. You had been made to wear a hospital gown, which you felt was overboard but whatever. They wouldn’t be able to admit you just based off of a BMI measurement, you were sure. You weren’t very underweight, most bulimics you knew weren’t. In fact, most of them were normal, sometimes overweight, but you just assumed it was because they were bad at it. You didn’t feel anything looking at your weight. Numbers mattered, sure, but with every binge and purge, your weight fluctuated like crazy, so you learned to just look for signs of weight loss via mirror.

She read your BMI out loud, you knew it wasn’t low enough to be a concern. You internally celebrated, until you noticed her eyes glancing down to your arm.

Shit.

Burning was your preferred method of self mutilation. Cutting was unsatisfying, messy, and a pain in the ass. Burns look disgusting when they heal though, which was the only downside. The scars are easily passable as cooking accidents and such. When they’re still healing, though, charred, blistered, and disgusting, they’re almost impossible to excuse. Your mom had caught you once, with your worst burn nonetheless. One offer of taking over the chores for the day and she was off your back, already taking her place on the sofa.

The burns weren’t fresh, not at all. Most of them were years old, but you panicked nonetheless. You’ve seen how batshit they get at any sign of self harm. You watched as she glanced towards your arm, then turned back to her clipboard, writing something down. Subtly moving your other arm behind your back, you cover up the bruises on your knuckles.

You also had to go to a dentist appointment. Last time you went, you had just gotten your braces off and permanent retainers in. You still have glue on the back of your teeth from when your top retainer broke, they had never gotten rid of it. With how often it fell off, you were glad the dentist had given up on putting in replacements.

You were more worried about this appointment than the physical assessment. You couldn’t keep food down, smiling with your eroded teeth was uncomfortable, and your breath was horrible. The dentist would definitely notice something, at the very least that you were a smoker. Your mother would hate that more than bulimia.

Honestly, despite all of these effects, you got the benefit of barely having a gag reflex. Which, now that you think about it, doesn’t really matter considering you don’t even like men.

Surprise was clear on your face when your dentist complimented you on the health of your teeth and sent you on your way.

You didn’t really know what the other tests were, something about heart arrhythmias and electrolytes. You didn’t care, you were so over it. It was all bullshit. You weren’t sad. You weren’t suicidal nor were you a danger to yourself or others. You were just bulimic, not on the brink of fucking brain collapse.

All of this was bullshit.

❅❅❅

Wanda’s senses come back one by one. Her ears pick up the soft whirring of machinery and occasional beeping of monitors. The soft footsteps of nurses and patients walking past, the opening and closing of a door as doctors enter, the scratching of their pens against their clipboard. The lingering scent of antiseptic reaches her nose, and the bitter taste in her mouth makes itself known. Her fingers pinch the stiff material of her gown, and she can feel the IV in her arm. Finally, she opens her eyes.

Waking up in the fiery depths of hell would’ve been better than where Wanda was right now. She mumbled curses under her breath as she looked around, taking in the hospital equipment around her.

“Natasha?” She croaked out when she caught sight of her friend sleeping on the hospital chair in the corner of the room. Natasha jumped up, wiping the drool off her chin and rushing towards Wanda. “Oh, thank god.” She sighed, pulling Wanda into an awkward hug.

She pulls back when she realizes Wanda wasn’t hugging her back. “How do you feel?” Wanda cringes at the pity on Natasha’s face. “Peachy.” She turns away, not stopping Natasha when she reaches to grab her hand.

The widow sighs, rubbing circles into Wanda’s hand, making her fingers twitch slightly. They sit in silence, not knowing what to say to each other. Wanda was glad Natasha had found her. She didn’t want to be found at all, but at least it was Natasha.

She was so stupid, so fucking stupid. Of course it wouldn’t have worked. She should’ve just shot herself in the head, like a man. She’d read somewhere that men have higher suicide rates because they carry it out in more extreme ways. Girls usually go for lighter, prettier deaths. Overdoses, slitting their wrists in a rose petal filled bathtub, and such. More survivable, and less of a burden for whoever cleans up after them. Men don't feel the same obligation. So what if it's more work for the cleaners? A shotgun to the head is easier for them, that's what matters. They don't think about how puffy their face would get if they hung themselves, or how awkward they'd be positioned on the ground if they jumped off a building. They don't think about the possibility of surviving afterwards and dealing with the deformity.

Pietro’s lifeless body flashes in her mind.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Wanda finally notices the iron grip she had on Natasha’s hand.

She didn’t want to talk about Pietro. Never. “What’s going to happen to me?”

Her friend looks away, “You’re suspended until you get help.”

“What! No!” Wanda sits up, snatching her hand out of Natasha’s grip, “This was the first time! Bruce tried to kill himself, why isn’t he suspended?”

“That was before he even joined.”

Wanda sighs, “So, what like, therapy for a week?”

Natasha raises her eyebrows, “Wanda, you tried to kill yourself. You need to be monitored.”

“I’m not a fucking child. Jesus, Nat!”

“It’s not up to me, Fury’s orders. Either get help or you’re fired, basically.”

“Don’t I need a psychological evaluation or some shit?”

“Wanda, you swallowed a whole bottle of whatever-the-fuck pills. I can evaluate you right now. You’re fucked in the head, babe.” Natasha attempts to joke.

She sighs in relief when Wanda huffs out a laugh, “So, you’re sending me to the loony bin?”

“Yup. It’ll be great though, perks of being an Avenger.” Natasha places a comforting hand on Wanda’s shoulder.

“How long will I be there?”

Natasha grabs Wanda’s hand that’s picking at her gown, “Until you’re better.”

The sound of a girl yelling stops their conversation.

❅❅❅

“Inpatient would be the best option…”

The ringing in your ears blocks out whatever the doctor was saying. What the fuck. You were not crazy. So what if you were bulimic. You didn’t constantly starve yourself and avoid food so you were chill, but you also were not getting fat, so you were hot. It’s like a win-win.

You’re sitting with your parents, a doctor across from you. He must be a therapist, or psychologist…psychiatrist? Potato, Tomato.

A hand on your shoulder brings you back to earth. Tears are pooling in your mothers eyes, your father is sighing into his hand. “What about my classes? My life!”

“Lower your voice. You aren’t being sent away to the fucking Alcatraz.” Your father grits out.

The doctor chimes in, “I’m sure you’ll be able to do your school work, most institutions let you have books and supervised computer time.”

You push your mothers hand off your shoulder. “Why are you doing this to me?”

She scoffs, “Me? Why are you doing this to yourself!”

“You can’t make me!” Passersby can hear your voice through the closed door of the office.

It was true, they couldn’t really. You were a legal adult, they couldn’t make you do shit. Your mother pinches the bridge of her nose before turning to your father expectedly. You look back and forth between them with an eyebrow raised.

“We won’t support you anymore if you don’t do this.” He finally pushes out.

“What? As if you’ve ever supported-”

Oh. Financially. College and such. Housing and such. Food…and such.

You’re not that level of adult, yet.

“What the fuck-”

“Language!”

“No! What the actual fuck! I’m not sick!”

Your father’s face contorts in anger, “Did you not hear a single word the doctor said? Your potassium levels, electrolytes, and heart are all fucked! You could have a heart attack!” He takes a breath,

“You are killing yourself.”

“What?” You don’t know what to say. Why is your heart beating so fast?

You let out a frustrated shriek, getting up to leave. They don’t know what they’re saying. You storm out of the office, narrowly avoiding passing nurses and stretchers, trying to ignore the sense of dread building within you.

Heart attacks were a lame death. You could imagine how stupid you'd look; jaw wide open, leaning back in your desk chair, clutching at your chest. The door to your room is always locked, so your parents wouldn’t care to check for a while. They’d just assume you were isolating yourself.

Stiffening up in that position, rotting and decomposing. So lame, so ugly.

It didn’t scare you.

Your head ricocheting off a wall interrupts your spiral.

Natasha winces, peaking over the door to find you on the floor, rubbing your head. Wanda had asked her to check what was going on, and you happened to be passing by at the same time she opened the door. You push yourself off the floor before Natasha could help you up. Black spots appear in your vision and you start swaying. You must’ve stood up too fast.

Natasha holds you up as you fall into her for a second, before you regain your bearings.

“Get off me!”

She lets go immediately, raising an eyebrow when you double-take at the sight of Wanda.

‘She’s so skinny.’

Wanda looks up at you, confused when she takes you in. You could’ve been the same weight as her, if not a little more. She doesn’t read people's thoughts if she can help it, but yours were so loud. You blush when she makes eye contact with you, turning and stomping away.

Your footsteps fade as Natasha closes the door, making her way back to Wanda. The widow smiles at Wanda, poking her side, “I think she has a crush on you.” Wanda’s eyes widen, “No way; she said I was skinny.” Natasha tilts her head, “Like in a disgusted way?” The witch looks down at her hands.

She assumed it was envy at first, but you didn’t look like you weighed significantly more than her. Nor was it disgust, based off of how you looked at her.

“Not…really. I don’t know.”

Natasha sighs, “Well, it doesn't matter. We’ll fatten you up in no time.”

She winces at Wanda’s obviously forced laugh.

She didn’t like being skinny, but it was an effect of her depression. It wouldn’t be that easy to reverse. The only reason she was open to this treatment was so that she could go back to work. She’ll just pretend to get better, go back, and work until she can’t take it anymore. Next time, she’ll use a gun. Actually, would she subconsciously stop the bullet with her powers? The pills almost killed her, maybe she’d just lock her door next time. She could pick up smoking, maybe that’d be like a backup. A slow, eventual death could be happening in the background while she found short term options. Multitasker.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Wanda is taken out of her reverie as Natasha pokes at her stomach again. She smiles, shaking her head and curling up into the bed. The older redhead pats her shoulder, “The squad’s going to visit before you leave. Just thought I’d give you a heads up.”

Wanda groans, she didn’t need any more people up her ass.

She stiffens at the sound of sniffling, looking up when she feels her shoulder dampen.

“Don’t ever do that again.”

Natasha leans over her frame, hair masking her face. The brunette stammers, racking her brain for a reply. She’d never seen Natasha so emotional. It was like hearing Steve use slang.

She sighs, curling further into herself and ignoring Natasha. She wishes she could reassure her. Tell her that even the thought of trying again made her nauseous, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t live the rest of her life seeing her brother's corpse every time she blinks.

Living with the memory of Pietro’s death for the rest of her life was worse than any torture she’d ever endured.

She ignores the flashing images as her eyes drift close, falling asleep to the sound of Natasha’s sniffling.

❅❅❅

A/N: I lowk regret writing in in second person but yolo. reply to this post if u wanna get tagged in the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed!

Tags: @mathxa @nikkinss

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merci-bitch · 7 months

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loved your Charlize characters things, but can’t you do somewhat the same with some of Meryl’s characters? Like how they are to live with or something

Thanks ! And sure, should be fun! Seems a bit short but oh well, haha

Not my gifs!

Miranda Priestly

- Well

- She’s tough

- She’s a perfectionist at best

- Her house is very clean

- Even for having two near teenage girls

- She has a nanny for her girls who also cooks for them when she isn’t able

- Although I don’t think Miranda is the biggest cook, I do think she knows how to do it

- Her townhouse is MASSIVE

- 3 stories

- So many rooms

- You still get a little lost sometimes

- Not surprising though, there’s so many doors

- But Miranda wouldn’t be too bad to live with

- Unless she’s stressed and in one of those terrible moods

- She can be quite poisonous in her mouth

- Very critical

- You know not to fuel it at the worst times

- But you still like to pick at her

- Teaser

- 😌

Donna Sheridan

- She’s so fun

- You, Sophie and her are dream team

- You were a painter , a local, and had known Donna for years, since Sophie was little

- You helped Sophie become good at drawing and painting

- And you just became a part of their little family

- Although Donna and Sophie still spend a lot of thing alone together, you don’t mind

- Dancing and singing all the time obvs

- You help Donna around the island, help her with renovating the hotel

- You remind her to take one day at a time

- You’ve painted the hotel a number of times, painted Donna and Sophie

- She loves it

- You have a lot of fun

- Sophie and you always team up against Donna

- Play little pranks on her

- When Sophie was younger, you’d tell her stories about the world and paint an image of what her world might look like

- The love Donna has for her daughter is so beautiful

- Donna often worries about how empty she will feel once Sophie leaves

- If she does

Jane Adler

- Oh my god

- You are her experiment bunny for her new recipes

- She always tests new things in the kitchen

- And you are her critic for tasting

- She loves you dearly

- She loves how well you get on with her kids

- She was worried about the slight age gap

- How her children would react

- But they love you

- You’re a little older than her oldest

- So she doesn’t fell that bad, but still it’s different

- She kicks you out of the house when she has her dinner parties with her girls friends

- She gossips about you to them obvs

- One of her friends always tries to get her to talk about you in the bed

- Because Jane suddenly has so much energy she bakes three pies for one night

- Jane just smirks and doesn’t say a word

- Whenever Jane can’t sleep, she makes ice cream so your freezer is FILLED with ice cream

- You are left to eat it

- Not that you’re complaining, it’s the best thing ever

- Many late nights up

- Watching movies

- Taking baths together

- Getting high accidentally together

- That’s some funny shit

- Really

- She accidentally bought pot brownies

- The most hilarious thing ever HAHAH

- If you look away from the whole plot of the movie, but still stay on track

- She never slept with Jack

- She slept with you weeks before and you became a thing

- You filled the empty house with your laughter and her own and she doesn’t feel so alone anymore

The Witch

- Well this is difficult

- Because you don’t technically “live” together

- And you’re not really together together either

- But when the plot happens, and she turn’s beautiful again

- Suddenly something happens

- You find yourself attracted to the witch you were told to fear

- She knows

- Of course she knows

- She enjoys feeling attractive, longed for, and everything once again

- When the big lady giant comes down from the sky, and she loses her daughter she seeks you

- Not for comfort

- But to release pent up anger for Rapunzel

- She knows she’ll come back

- Of course she will

- But seeing you tremble before her is too good to just let pass by

- So you become her little thing

- And then when the plot continues

- You were a friend of the bakers

- Everyone goes against the witch except you

- And oh how she enjoys it

- She’s seducing you

- She knows she doesn’t love you

- She loves her daughter

- But you’re a good distraction

- In the middle of all chaos she finds you by a tree as she’s looking for the boy

- Sneaks up on you

- Has a little fun riling you up only to be caught by the bakers and everyone else

- Whoops

- Your little secret is out

- Last Midnight

- And suddenly she’s gone

#ask #meryl streep #Donna Sheridan x reader #the witch x reader #miranda priestly x reader #jane adler x reader

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msnihilist · 3 months

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Person Who Has Never Watched the Reboot Decides to Liveblog Alien-X-Tinction

First scene and I already hate Max's voice. #NotMyGrandpa

idk what alternate universe this is yet, but I like 1) that Ben is sad :), and 2) that his Omnitrix looks like that??? It really sells the idea of a prototype 🥺

"resistance will only beget pain" — villain who is smart enough to know that Ben doesn't know what "beget" means

"you always try to interrupt" okay, ouch, I actually love that angst (I already know who the Alien X is and what he's been doing to alternate Bens (I'm only watching this because the Wiki page for the special was interesting to me), so this is lovely :3) Max always tries to save his grandson and he never succeeds </3

Side note: evil Celestialsapien is a cool idea, and I like that this one is taking a "hands on" approach. It's about the thrill of the hunt :) And loving making people suffer

"oh, no, not again" LMAO, the dimension-hopping Max sounds soooo mildly inconvenienced

WAIT, DID THE ALIEN X RIP OFF BEN'S ARM??? I can't tell what happened here?? Fuckin' kid's show censors 😭

Max's face when Ben hugs his grandpa…… I love suffering 🥺

"you'd think I'd be used to it all by now" coming from a man who lost his grandkids and tortures himself by watching it happen again and again in other timelines hurts so good 😭 😭 I also love that they let Max cry about it. It's a small thing and it only lasts a second, but in the Classic continuity, Ben only cried on screen TWICE, both when he was 10. Letting an aged man hurt like this without making a joke about it is good to see <3

Back in the Real Timeline, I guess, lmao. I love that Gwen is tied up and just looks so bored with the whole affair

GWEN'S VOICE?? #NOTMYGWEN (I like that Zombozo is voiced by Drakken, tho)

Hm. I kinda like this angle with Ben's frustration. He feels like he's not living up to his full potential as a hero because he always has Gwen and Max helping him. It's different from when Ben would get cocky in the OG, and I think it's an interesting point, too :p This blatantly isn't about being a hero, it's about the thrill, which is something that ten-year-old Ben consistently struggled with

Still hate reboot Heatblast, but whatever

I definitely don't like how the fights are animated? It feels... slow. And I get part of that is to build up suspense/show of Alien X's abilities, since this show is aimed at a younger audience who wouldn't be familiar with the Classic continuity, but still :/ I don't like the flat camera angles and the hits don't have a lot of weight to them

Love that Alien X is killing off Ben's, though — something Eon was always too pussy to do

I hate this art style, but I appreciate that the writers are trying

I love villains who are obsessed with Ben Killing him, hunting him down, whatever. Watching villains shove aside whatever or whoever gets in their way to pursue Ben with single-minded fervor always hits good.

This fight between Ben and Alien X, up until he loses the Omnitrix, is probably my favorite fight in the special. Alien X was at his coolest and Ben really gave it his all, no matter how badly he got beat in return.

"there's no omniversal road-side service that drops out of thin air" — man who has forgotten that this is Ben he's talking about

BRO, THEY'RE PLAYING THE ALIEN FORCE THEME SONG WHEN OLDER BEN STEPS OUT OF THE PORTAL 😭 Okay, even though AF had kind of a lame opening, I'll admit: that was pretty hype

Holy shit, wait, the reboot has been going on for five seasons and this Max STILL hasn't told his grandkids about the Plumbers??? I hate him, worst grandpa

LMAO, Maximillian calling Ben a stubborn brat <3 AF Ben looking away in embarrassment because he knows it's true (he literally JUST tried to walk off and go it alone for?? no reason, literally), I love them. They're a family in every dimension

I think it's cute that Gwen already likes teenage Ben <3

Alien X: "You're in the wrong dimension." Ben, who's relaxing nonchalantly waiting for his plan to pay off: "Is that why my keys don't work?"

I MISSED AF BEN SO MUCH, HE'S SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN 😭 HE LITERALLY TRANSFORMED JUST TO GET UP THERE AND HAVE A DRAMATIC ENTRANCE

AF BIG CHILL DESIGN + VOICE, MY BELOVED!!! They even kept Ben shouting out his transformation's names, nreulgneklge. That's some attention to detail that almost makes me forgive the art style <3 (almost)

"little me," omg, he's such a fuckin' dork

I love that when Bens get together, they literally just love each other, it's so so sweet <3

"I should rethink my prior mercy." "Your generosity will not go unappreciated… or unpunished." ngl, this guy is a sick villain

Okay, this made me love him. And Gwen's faith in him is sooo <3 Truly the best cousin of all time

"Are you okay?" "Better now that you're back, cuz." Ben and Gwen are so fucking cute in the reboot, I love them 😭 🥺

I love that Gwen 10 goes, "And, yes, we're [Gwens are] better" and then fucking picks Ripjaws for a fight in a rocky desert, sfbrygbrku. She's such a dumbass I do love her Ripjaws design, tho!! Love that they avoided the Omniverse problem of making the female aliens excessively feminized. ALSO OG HEATBLAST, MY LOVE

OV Ben ruffling younger Ben's hair 🥺🥺

AHAHA, OG Ben immediately assuming that this Gwen is also a magic user, pfft. Even in a dimension where they don't get along as well, he's got so much faith in his cousin <3

Gwen's little watch tech is like her UAF powers!!

Of course OG Ben would get pissy about someone picking the same alien as him 😭 He's so chronically ten years old

"But I'm not your Ben." "You're all my Ben." Okay, maybe this Max is actually the best one 😭 🥺

Jeez, that tragic backstory was pretty fucking brutal. Vilgax straight-up just vaporized Gwen and Max. I love the idea of an evil Ben who's lost everything, though. His Max and Gwen are dead, what more can they take away from him? Eon could never

LMAO, MAX JUST FORCIBLY ADOPTING EVIL BEN AT THE END. Ben is so unenthused, he's gonna get loved whether he wants to or not!!

Okay, just finished it. Final thoughts? It was really cute. Is it good enough to get me to watch the rest of the reboot? No. It's definitely not as hype as some of UAF/OV's high points, probably in part because I still can't get into the art style and also because the fight scenes just aren't as good.

It had pretty good pacing! I was surprised by that, I thought 45 minutes was gonna be too short, but it ended up feeling right. (Also, I'm upset to say that Max's voice grew on me. Gwen is on thin ice.)

You can tell that this was made with a lot of love, both for the characters and for Ben 10 as a whole. It really does feel like a love letter to the fandom, and for that, it was a good watch :)

Final score: 7/10, not NEARLY as bad as I was expecting, worth a rewatch <3

#ben 10 #ben 10 reboot #ben 10 liveblog #long post

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whinlatter · 9 months

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3, 4, 14, and 37 for dean and seamus

my darling boys! 🥹 dean and seamus, off we gooooo. thank you @valfromcall!

3. Obscure headcanon

obscure headcanon 1 - dean thomas was born may 10th 1980, the day west ham won the FA cup. that west ham have never won the cup since remains a source of great regret for east london's golden boy. unfortunately may 10th also happened to be the day in 1997 when gryffindor won the house cup and harry potter scooped his ex from right from under his nose - a bad birthday for the ages. seamus tried to cheer him up by reminding him that may 10th is also the birthday of a proud son of ireland (bono from U2), which dean said was 'not helping'

obscure headcanon 2 - this is dean and seamus' son:

also this isn't obscure but their first kiss was 100% in the finnigan tent at the quidditch world cup after ireland's stonking victory over bulgaria

4. Favorite line

for seamus, it's probably when they're all in the dormitory in GoF and dobby rocks up and seamus nonchalantly goes 'someone attacking you, Harry?' aka mr finnigan giving precisely zero shits about whatever main character moment harry is having and thereby failing his audition for inclusion in the golden trio. bonus special mention to the world's worst pep talk in PS/SS:

“Harry, you need your strength,” said Seamus Finnigan. “Seekers are always the ones who get clobbered by the other team.” “Thanks, Seamus,” said Harry, watching Seamus pile ketchup on his sausages.

can't a man enjoy a condiment anymore smh

for dean, it's either "send him off, ref! red card!' from PS/SS or this from OotP:

"Well, [Moody] turned out to be a maniac, didn’t he?" said Dean Thomas hotly. "Mind you, we still learned loads."

14. Most heroic moment

seamus 'harry's a liar' finnigan getting beaten to a pulp and unrecognisably disfigured by the carrows. king shit

dean is being the biggest bravest boy in the world all on his own on the run leaving his mum and sisters behind and not being able to have a cuddle when he's lost and alone and scared and hungry all through DH :(

37. What they really think about themselves

i think, as teenagers, seamus was the one with a lot of insecurities and self-loathing: struggling with the knowledge that he was gay and a bit in love with his best mate and not really knowing what to do with it, in conflict with his mum and wrestling with who he was going to be in this big war that seemed to be looming, not the cleverest or the sportiest or the anything-est and generally a bit aggy and restless. dean was the much more relaxed one of the two. he had a strong sense of right and wrong, was sure the goodies would prevail before anything got too out of hand, was content with his kind of chill blokey vibe and got a fit girlfriend that meant he could park any of the slightly confusing feelings he was feeling for shay.

after the war, though, they swap roles. seamus has quite a settled sense of self after his school years - like, he got his fuck up out of the way (not believing voldemort was back, having his big sulk), but then redeemed himself, was on some real hero shit and really became close with the other DA lot, getting a lot out of the prestige of being an auror for a bit, no longer felt like he had much to prove, and felt loved and confident enough to come out. dean, however, really struggled with the impact of the war, feeling an intense sense of isolation and distance from the other's wartime experiences, and both envying seamus' confidence to come out but struggling to accept that he might also not be straight, like it was just another thing that would mark him out as Other. i basically think seamus and dean were hooking up a lot immediately after school and in their early twenties, but always in secret, while dean kept dating muggle girls and playing out this big tension he feels in his own identity, between the muggle and wizarding worlds, as well as over his own sexuality and internalised homophobia. i reckon seamus was the one to (eventually) recognise this was self-destructive and breaking his heart, and ended it. cue the wilderness years!

they obviously get back together eventually, though, hence west ham son (yes i'm obsessed with this child), although seamus threatened to break up with him when dean argued he should be allowed to put the imperius curse on declan rice to stop him moving to arsenal and betraying his beloved hammers in summer 2023

#these boys! break my heart everytime #i knew following UK football by osmosis would come in handy #deamus #dean thomas #seamus finnigan #headcanons #ask game

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sillystarters · 5 months

Text

it's always sunny in philadelphia season sixteen starter sentences.

starter sentences taken from episodes one - three from season sixteen of it's always sunny in philadelphia. part one of ??

have you ever seen teenage mutant ninja turtles ?

you spent close to $20,000 on a couch you never owned.

that's pretty bad business fellas.

now listen i have glued my hand to a door so they can't physically remove me.

you know, i know stuff.

that's money talk right there.

how much nut do you go through a month?

are you storing up your nut or are you blowing through it?

i'll give you fifty cents for a buck.

come, have a seat.

it was super cheap dude.

well listen, i don't really have any interest in your bulk tin of low end economy nuts.

yeah don't make a mess.

what's behind that door?

holy shit! what the fuck is this?

i wasn't tryin' to be crypto about it.

this is tits!

can i sleep in here?

we're gonna blow our shoes out with all this walking.

how is this not a big deal?

move past it dude, move past it man.

i really ultimately don't give a shit.

did you glue your hand to my door?

i can tell you're mad.

i can't deal with this.

and just leave me here all alone?

i don't wanna be a bad host.

you know what, this was a mistake.

i can't sleep.

what is going on with you dude?

what you workin' on there bud?

is that thing loaded, by the way?

get off my back.

you know what? screw this.

i am in the prime of my life.

okay so it was loaded, my mistake. don't be so dramatic.

it's not like anybody's in any real danger.

getting shot in the face is pretty cool.

i do care about the money though.

i got some bad news for ya, bud.

i figured you probably forgot too or something.

did you try to pull out your own teeth?

i'm so sorry.

i didn't have the heart to tell you.

those ungrateful bitches.

i can't believe you did this!

i'm not mad at you okay? it's fine.

you did make a mistake.

i didn't mean to upset you.

this is not working.

should we just attack him and take it?

shut up!

this is my worst nightmare in my entire life.

she burnt the shit outta me.

i got a little surprise for ya.

you wanna take it easy? goddamn. just one bite at a time.

ha! i almost ate my gun.

i hope everyone brought their appetite because i made quiche!

this is like, everything you've ever wanted.

that is ... sad.

this is so annoying.

alright, where to now?

a perfect day can't last forever.

what the hell are you doing?

you're outta control with that thing.

just barge right in okay don't be shy.

oh my god what are you doing here?

this is so distasteful.

asmr, dickweed!

how long has it been?

that's a definite pass for me.

this is a million to one shot and i've got a really good feeling about this.

our luck just turned around.

i don't wanna have my ass handed to me.

we have a problem.

whatever you do, don't laugh.

this is bad, dude.

what? why are you trying to break my door down at three in the morning?

i just wanted to ask if you could kindly keep the noise down.

this was very sweet of you to bake these for me.

it's a trophy, see? it says cunt of the year. that's you!

bad things are going to happen to you one day. i guarantee it.

you earned it!

we're not having bad luck, we're having good luck.

come here you rat! die!

it's time to make good on your end of the bargain.

what is your deal, man?

i'm going to beat you with my shoe!

we gotta take this seriously.

go make your apologies!

i'm done listening to this.

'just in case' is as good of a reason to believe in anything as any.

i don't believe in that bullshit.

well, that's not good.

that's a bad omen!

boy, that's a shame.

thank you for this.

i'm just trash right? that's what you said.

i got you a sixer!

i gotta show you something but you gotta keep it a secret.

you're not following.

it makes literally no sense.

a moment of your time?

i'm sorry your dad doesn't like you.

#starter sentences #rp starter sentences #inbox prompts #rp inbox prompts #iasip starter sentences

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lanaevyssmoved · 6 months

Text

so yknow that poll going around that forces you to say if your year was good or bad without a middle ground? i hate that poll. i hate seeing people say how bad the year was with no nuance. i don’t want anyone to go yeah this year just sucked. because it didn’t, there’s always positive things even if they’re small that help you keep going. the new friends you make, the games you played, that cool movie you watched, the new album from the artist you like…

i never answered that poll because i would have said it was bad. because from spring to summer i had one of the worst years of my life - maybe the worst if i’m honest. but then after that part of my life ended.. bg3 came out, i got talkative on tumblr and i made so many friends. yeah it was rough at times too. but bg3 and my new friends saved me from the horrible feeling left inside me after everything that happened. and now rogue trader has come at the end of the year too! i’ve been creative for the first time in a decade. i’m writing again!! i haven’t done any writing since i was a teenager!! and i’ve met some people i truly don’t want to ever lose.

so yeah i could have said it was a horrible year because i did experience something truly horrible. but there’s no nuance. the year wasn’t wholly bad. and no one should just focus on the bad. we need balance - balance that shit out. think about the good things too.

#fray.txt #plus when a friend says how horrible their year was with nothing else it does make me feel like #all the effort i put into our friendship just went to waste because i didn’t make ur year even slightly better huh #still just wholly horrible?#that’s really sad. it’s really really sad. for everyone involved #i would love people to try their hardest to not let themselves just default to bad and challenge themselves to find the good too

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zeroducks-2 · 1 year

Note

tell us about the nasty Slade man from TT03

since you guys (and @exhausted-pigeon) asked, here's me talking about iconic Teen Titans 2003 Slade :D

Disclaimer right here. Unlike a lot of fortunate folks, I did not have Teen Titans available to watch back then (I really missed out, especially cause I was in my pre-teen years and that would have been The Perfect Show for me at that point). This means that I only got to watch tt03 recently, therefore these thoughts don't come from someone who holds the show dear as a childhood memory, and who fell in love with it a long time ago, who had their christening to DC stuff through that and yada yada.

I'll therefore discuss tt03 Slade without personal/emotional involvement, and keeping in mind that tt03 is indeed a show intended for a young audience. I'll be adding screenshots for poignancy, so it's going to be a pretty long post :)

End of disclaimer, now onto the good shit.

So, what to say about Slade. Fans have been calling him downright devious, the Teenagers Tormentor, A True Menace To Society, a master manipulator, and a child predator even if there's nothing *too* explicit being that this is a show for kids.

(not that kids being the target audience stopped them showing Slade sleeping with Tara in NTT back in the '80s, but that's a conversation for another time)

Do I think that any of this is true? The answer is essentially yes, I agree with all of the above.

Slade is a very fun character, and his presence dominates the scene every time he's on screen. He's a solid villain, one that feels truly threatening for the protagonists (and not like a forgettable bad guy who can be overpowered with The Power Of Friendship™), and he fits perfectly with the dynamic of the show. He will do the most ridiculous corny things, like materializing at random in a corner of a panoramic wheel cart, while the wheel is in motion, right when Terra and Beast Boy are about to kiss (just to ruin their night basically).

I tried to find a gif cause this scene is too funny but sadly I didn't manage.

But he will also (and mostly) do fucked up shit which people nowadays argue as not belonging in a kid show, like grooming teenagers and/or forcing them to work for him.

His design is also easily iconic, and he's huge in bulk compared to the tiny, slender kid protagonists, adding to the threatening vibe.

I mean look at that Raven's a mushroom compared to him

But he's not a monster - you know he's a human being while you're watching the show, whether you imagine an eyepatch and silver hair like comicbooks!Slade or you picture a completely different kind of face on him, you still know he's just a man... or is he.

The show subtly toys with the idea that Slade might not be human after all. His face is never shown - every single time one of the characters manages to overpower him and unmask him, they find out that they've been fighting against a robot.

This happens after a fight so violent Robin almost dies by falling off a building, and SLADE HIMSELF saves him - reason being more or less "I'm not done kicking your ass". Eventually Robin manages to overpower him, takes off his mask, and lo and behold:

Slade wasn't even there the whole time.

Also, he seems to live in some sort of lab filled with complicated tech and huge gears that spin into nothing. Does this man even need to sleep, eat or drink?

What is this place and how high is the rent

I love what he did with the huge gears it's so ambient

All of this contributes to the threatening, mysterious aura surrounding the character. Which at times can turn into outright terrifying despite the show being relatively lighthearted. Pretty soon the narrative manages to establish the fact that Slade is nearly impossible to beat, that he will do anything to bring down the protagonists (or bring them under his control), and that you can always expect the worst from him.

But the most interesting aspect to discuss is for most people the child predator vibes this character has from his first appearance throughout the entirety of the show. And to whoever says "you can't tell me that they didn't do this intentionally", well, consider two things

1 - Slade in the comicbooks did sleep with a 15yo, in order to use her to bring down the Titans. So like, the fact that he *might* sleep with kids isn't much of a far-fetched hypothesis and 2 - The way he acts goes beyond the average "well this is a kids show of course the villain will act in weird ways towards kids".

Let me expand a little on this second point. When the protagonist of a story is a kid, the villain that will try to hurt/kill them is not automatically a child predator or a child abuser, only because he hurts a kid. In the context of that story it makes sense that the villain will act as if the protag was an adult - the story was created with a young audience in mind, and if other characters treated the protag like a child it would break their immersion.

So is this the case with Slade? Well yes, but actually no. There obviously is a case of "he treats the characters like adults cause it's a kids show" but does he, really? Slade works with the fact that the characters are kids, therefore inexperienced and easy to manipulate. He also wants an apprentice, which necessarily has to be young. In Terra's case, he plays on her insecurities and her need for someone to teach her and guide her. And then there's the way the scenes are directed and the creepiness factor of just how this man interacts with these kids that rightfully puts him in the creep zone, regardless of what exactly the story will show in terms of explicit details.

For this to make more sense I need to make examples, so let's dive in a little deeper starting with Fans Favorite's ... *drumroll* ...

The Apprentice Arc

It starts out with Slade contacting the Titans to tell them that he planted a bomb in the city. Robin, who's already obsessing at the point of waking up drenched in sweat after nightmares where he and Slade beat the shit out of each other, snaps into action to retrieve the trigger of the bomb.

Tis Robin waking up in his "Pepe Silvia" room dedicated to Slade after a nightmare, for your viewing pleasure.

So off the kids go, and while Robin chases Slade, the rest of the team goes try and dismantle the bomb. Slade tosses Robin around for a while, and when Robin manages to grab the remote control, Slade reveals that this is not a remote control because there is no bomb at all - rather, the rest of the Titans have just gotten hit with a laser beam that infected them with nanomachines. Now Robin has to do Slade's bidding and become his apprentice; if he refuses, or disobeys, Slade will use a button to inflict pain and potentially kill the other Titans, thanks to those nanomachines.

These are said nanomachines attached to the Titans' blood cells, conveniently displayed in huge ass screens. I love this scene so much it's so SERIOUS and SO CORNY at the same time lmao.

What ensues is Robin being forced to become Slade's apprentice, dressed in a cute replica of Slade's own suit,

And meanwhile Slade tosses him around either for the funsies or because Robin dares do something he doesn't like. Explicitly saying that he wants Robin to call him "Master". Please go watch the scene, it's 7 seconds long but it conveys EVERYTHING. This mf calls Robin "good boy" in the most condescending way you can ever imagine. Here, click this, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Here's Slade beating up a child for your viewing pleasure.

So at some point Robin is ordered to infiltrate Wayne Enterprise. The Titans try to stop him, Slade pushes for him to fight them, but baby doesn't want to especially when Starfire refuses to engage him. Slade not only starts to torture them with the nanomachines, forcing Robin to shoot them, but when kiddo gets back to him he receives the ass-whooping of his life, followed by this scene:

Here Slade is basically saying "I'm going to put you in your place in a way that will stick", but the scene is conveniently cut by the arrival of the rest of the Titans.

Robin has the idea of infecting himself with the nanomachines, so now if Slade wants to kill them, he has to kill him too. And Slade... tosses away the button, discarding the nanomachines plan on the spot, because the point REALLY was having Robin as an apprentice. If he can't have him, then there's no point.

Then there's Terra's Arc in Season 2, which goes more or less like this:

The Titans meet Terra, a kid their age who's very strong (she can manipulate the earth) but can't perfectly control her own powers. She's very self-conscious about this and when Beast Boy finds out, she begs him not to tell anyone, which he promises.

Soon after she gets singled out by Slade, who corners her and starts poking and prodding about how weak she is, unable to control her powers, and how her "new friends" will soon find out and once they do, they will discard her.

Honestly the fact that he's so big and Terra's itty bitty teeny tiny really adds to the overall creepiness of this scene. They're blocked in a cave underground btw, and to hammer the point home Slade starts tossing her around until she completely freaks out and almost buries herself under the rubble.

Soon after that, Robin deduces by himself that Terra isn't in complete control of her powers, but Terra thinks that Beast Boy snitched on her after promising he wouldn't say anything. Hurt and betrayed she runs away, and guess who she runs to?

As far as I remember, the amount of time Terra spends with Slade is nondescript. But what she says is that he trained her, taught her to not be afraid of her own powers (which is true, she can control her powers now), and gave her a purpose and direction. She comes back and infiltrates the Titans, now being a well groomed little spy, but despite her efforts Slade keeps being abusive and beats the living hell out of her when she comes back to him after a failed mission. He can puppeteer her through the suit she's wearing, but at some point she manages to break free of his control and the arc ends tragically with Terra killing Slade, and herself.

Is this the end of it then? Nuh-huh. Here comes the

Whatever the fuck is happening to Robin Arc

So Slade is dead. But at some point during a fight, Robin starts seeing him and chasing him, getting a mild ass-whoop like he normally would. His teammates are obviously confused but they comply when Robin tells them to go defuse these bombs that Slade planted - only there are no bombs. And it looks like Robin is the only one who can even see Slade.

The situation escalates at the point of Robin having to be strapped to a bed because he was literally killing himself while "fighting Slade", despite being the only one who could see him. Slade himself is the one that frees him from the restraints, and keeps beating him within an inch of his life, at the point that Robin starts begging.

And here we have what's probably the most memorable line of the whole show: "I am the thing that keeps you up at night. I am the evil that haunts every dark corner of your mind. I will never rest and neither will you."

What is happening here in theory is that Robin got dosed with toxic dust coming from Slade's mask, therefore he's seeing things and his brain is in so much stress that he might die from strain (he ends up saving himself by turning on the light). But taking into consideration what happened during the Apprentice arc, it's easy to see parallels with PTSD.

There is actually more. There's Slade being resurrected by Trigon and going rapey on Raven (you've seen the screenshot before) by tearing off her cape, and there's also an epic moment in which Slade goes to hell, WITH ROBIN'S HELP, to retrieve his own body and aid in the fight against Trigon. But I think my point already came across well enough:

Teen Titans 2003 Slade is a fucking creep, and compared to him, NTT Deathstroke is a sweet little lamb who wouldn't hurt a fly. Which is why it is so funny to me when people claim tt03 Slade is "better cause he never slept with a teenager" - Boy oh boy, you might have not seen it on screen but the subtext is clear as day.

This man has no moral code, no bounds (other than what the PG rating of the show will place on him) and not an ounce of humanity. I don't need to see no scene with half naked kids smoking cigarettes with only a bathrobe as clothing (like this one) to know what this man did.

#long post #Slade #teen titans 2003 #my asks #thank you for asking folks it was my pleasure to talk about this horrible horrible man #they don't make villains like these anymore #and to be honest they never did before #Slade is one of a kind

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plasticfangtastic · 5 months

Text

Building Blocks ch. 1

A Butchlander fanfic

A/N: on a writing hiatus but i wrote this with the last spurt of orginal though I had in my heart, so dunno when ch. 2 will happen, plz enjoy and read my other a/n in the tags:

Sypnopsis: What if Becca had stayed with Butcher, what if she never left and kept that terrible secret to herself, and now it was Butcher who had to deal with Homelander in the aftermath of his wife's death after he shows up with the heartbreaking information that it was this blond supe who was his son's real father.

tags: fluff, HL unhingeness, slowburn, dadlander,so much angst, complete AU.

Chapter One

Hello

“I want a baby.”

Butcher watches the man’s lips move and he hears him clearly but it still seems fake, he didn’t recognize the man, I mean he knew who he bloody was, he was the Homelander. America’s son, for pete’s sake even his prick did– for he pissed on a cup embossed with his face during long road trips.

But now he wished he hadn’t met him.

7 hours ago he had just finished the worst day of his life.

It was a beautiful day, terribly beautiful, birds sang, flowers bloomed and butterflies tickled his nose– lifted from a teenage girl’s dream. Everything about today was dreamlike, covered in a hazy sparkly glow as he had finished burying his wife.

One day she was driving to go get takeout, for they had the house for themselves for the first time in ages and next thing he knows there’s a police officer at his entryway 3 hours after she went to go get scampi.

It had been a beautiful ceremony, the flowers looked so lively under the gentle spring sun, the breeze just cool enough to not make wearing this now disheveled suit unbearable, he arrived home, his father-in-law took him after he had drank a small liquor store while in his house, prostrated by the steps of the basement surrounded by cans and dried tears.

Somehow he was now in his sofa alone, he panicked trying to find his phone to try to find answers before he spotted the strange figure.

He’d blame it on the booze if he hadn’t now been completely awake– he lets him in as the man requested so politely, he had no idea what he wanted, what was going on, other than it was better than thinking that by morning it would become official… that it would become real… the last couple weeks had felt like a bad acid trip that he can’t wake up from, but once the sun returns he knows she’s never gonna come back, she’s in a pinebox 6 feet under and not on her way home– so why not give in to more nonsense.

Why not let this Supe into his home.

“You’re Saunders’s husband?” He said in a firm tone, the man looked at him like he was a worm, he could’ve sworn, certainly not that friendly man he met at that christmas party all those years ago– heard about the funeral… you have… my condolences, she was a great employee.”

Butcher brows crossed, Becca only worked there a couple more months after that party, quitting suddenly and telling him she had found a better job, it paid less yet the hours were flexible, he didn’t question much even if it made his stomach feel things, Becca had loved her job at Vought, she had just gotten a promotion with this man and then one day whatever had happened in the office had left her wanting to leave… of course he would find out weeks later, when he caught her puking and every single thing smelled rancid, what could’ve been the reason after all her new job offered longer maternity leave compare to Vought, it also didn’t include dealing with spandex wearing freaks and it was less stressful, she would come home without much complain compare to before where she could waste 2 hours of her life shit talking her boss.

Between the chronic pregnancy insomnia, diabetes and swollen ankles Butcher gave her no grief for her decision to quit a stressful job.

Butcher had never wanted kids… he was no good for them he'd said… he dreamt of Lenny on his knees pleading and bleeding but it wasn’t Lenny and it wasn’t his ol’ man… it was him and a little boy with hazel eyes, it was him reflected in them, she had been open to the idea but never decisive yet one day Becca wanted a child suddenly. Even at her worst she loved the child inside her… he understood when he first felt his little stubby fingers wrapping around his finger, when he felt that warmth against his cheek, when he saw him waddled towards him, that he understood what was going on inside her mind during those bizarre couple of months.

He hadn’t been perfect, he had been too rough and impatient, he had yelled and wished he could have his old life back but he loved her… and he loved Ryan and he would regret everything wrong he ever did because he loved them, because he wasn’t going to ruin this.

He liked the future they were building for each other.

So he stared at him.

At the bluest eye he’d ever seen outside of his boy’s sunny skies.

Blue’s he thought were from his mother.

Blue’s seen in a hundred billboards but never in his boy until now.

Homelander took a seat on his armrest without getting comfortable placing a manila envelope on his coffee table pushing cigarette ash around it.

“I’m Ryan’s father.”

He spoke bluntly and without hesitation, he had no modicum of decorum simply irritated with nothing in particular it seemed, maybe it was not finding his boy in this place but only a leftover fragrance, that had him irritated.

“8 years ago we had a short fling… I never knew…” he spoke softly, allowing his shoulders to unwind a little– until recently.”

It was the alcohol and the grief and the sleep deprivation that made him pull the man who could have easily shrugged him an acre or two away from his living room as if they were equals on any level, and the blond seemed bemused by this puny man’s might, letting this play out.

“Shut your trap you cunt.”

“I was nothing to her so am not her to emasculate you. I am here because that boy is mine.”

He punchest him, breaking his knuckles bare.

A twinge of a beast twinkles in those hazel eyes, teasing the darkness that he had tried so desperately to bury, Homelander is unmoved as he clutches his injured hand.

“If he’s not mine then could you explain to me why your woman was getting child support from me?” His eyes dart towards the folder, he stands up yet again walking past him not wanting to look at him further– seven years ago she went to Vought claiming to be pregnant with my child, they performed a DNA test and determine it was mine… then–”

Homelander beegins heading towards the bedroom wings.

“Madelyn and Stan… they didn’t want the scandal to ruin my image, for me to have an affair with a married woman, somebody who worked for me… so she signed an NDA, and without me knowing they had been paying her for her continued silence.”

“Lies!!” The brit shouts– You shut yer trap! I don’t wanna hear it anymore, you cunt! Just get the fuck out of me house!!”

“I could kill you. I should… but William…”

“Don’t say my name” He spits– Kill me? Aren’t you a fucking supe?”

Homelander’s light brightens the dark.

Butcher falls into the couch as glass bursts beside him, shards turn to burning liquid slowly cooling down as they burnt the vinyl floorings.

“I could kill you, and there would be a clean up crew who would make it seem like you killed yourself… Kids need their father’s… Ryan needs a dad and you did the job– so as a show of gratitude I shall let you live, but I can take things from here.”

Butcher watched the smoke trail rising from the ground, before Homelander could move towards opening that door, Butcher had leaped towards his direction, any faster and he would give his blue speedster some competition.

“ I read your file… you were a marine, SAS– now you work for the CIA… taking a year off due to obvious personal reasons. You should reconsider.”

Homelander entered the room, catching the strong aroma by surprise, dirt, grass and dirty shoes, a scoffed football rolled away from the entrance, English football teams plastered the walls, toys littered the floor and the bed was the only thing made.

Homelander wished to see at least one baseball poster, or some cards, something more familiar, that he could easily use as a gateway for bonding with the boy.

“Look you son of a bitch! Why are you doing this!?”

“He is mine.”

“So you are just gonna take him and assume he’s gonna love you? Are you daft?” Butcher had dealt with dangerous men, violent criminals and murderers, sometimes he had been made to talk with words instead of bullets or fist and it was clear the second choice wouldn’t work with him.-- I’m his father, you’re a stranger all you’re gonna do is traumatize him and make him hate you.”

“You don’t kno–

“You have no idea who my son is, you just read a line on a paper and made up a fantasy… he… he just lost his mother… he just saw his ol’ man get carried out covered in his own snot and whiskey… my Becca… I…”

Butcher could feel the contents of his stomach rising, he looked pitifully into the room, looking at all the toys and the clothes she had yet to put away still in the basket by the foot of the bed.

“8 years ago… I had an affair… she was my boss… it… I don’ know why… why I did it… it didn’t matter ‘cuz I fukked it all up, then one day… she told me we was having a baby and that I needed to get my shit together, or leave” Butcher laid against the doorframe– I don’t know why am telling you any of this.”

“Possibly a combination of the percocet, and booze in various percentages in your system.”

Butcher had no energy to even roll his eyes or curse at him, annoyed at the man for being obtuse at this moment, he looked straight at him fighting the urge to yell at him to leave.

“You’re the reason she gave me a second chance… she fucked you to get even then she made me raised your baby”

Butcher can only hold himself for so long, he breaks down, it shocks Homelander for all he knew of this man was that he was a ruthless killer, yet he was breaking down, sobbing and struggling to breath as he watched the image of the woman he loved, of the woman he had given all that he had left in this world, hurt him.

A dozen questions hounded him, did she loved him at all? Did she change her mind half-way? Did she do all of this to hurt him one day? When she saw him teaching Ryan how to goal-keep in his grandparent’s backyard– did she do it with malice in her heart? Or did she realize the mistake she had made? Did it all go out of hand? Did she believed her own lies?

He looked up behind the tears, as the world’s greatest Supe kneel beside him offering a t-shirt he had found on the ground to clean up his tears.

He should’ve hated him, he should’ve despised him yet… It was in the way he had spoken this whole time that he knew that he was just as hurt, using anger to disguise his hurt.

He could’ve stolen Ryan, he must’ve known the kid wasn’t here in the first place, he could’ve crashed the funeral and made a scene, he could’ve taken him while he slept the booze off, he could’ve waited ‘til tomorrow afternoon when the boy would be returned to take him away from him– but he came when it was only the two of them, either with murder on his mind or poorly planned out negotiation tactics.

How it must’ve felt to know you had a kid you never knew and want him… he wondered.

His own father would’ve been a happier bastard had he never had him, no doubt his mother’s biggest mistake wasn’t marrying the man, it was telling him they were having William in the first place… the complete opposite of what he was witnessing, when he saw those trembling lips and twitches that no amount of composure could hide.

As he cleaned his face on his son’s shirt, he couldn’t help but to think of how much he didn’t want the kid at first, swallowing his grievances and worries that this was a mistake, that it would change him for the worse and destroy their already fractured marriage… but he kept quiet for all he wanted was to kept Becca, it wasn’t until that afternoon where it was all over, and the doctor handed him that bundle of screams that he understood that he would never be like his father, for all he felt was love.

True love.

A love he only felt that night when he got stuck in an elevator with a pretty brunette, she had her groceries on both hands and one on the ground, cursing that her ice-cream will melt before somebody comes and gets them out.

An ice cream that would never make it to her apartment as it was left empty and discarded in that elevator with a pair of impromptu spoons made of celery stalks, that no doubt confused a neighbor or two.

He had loved her until the point it made him hate himself, that he had to screw everything up because the longer they stayed together, the more difficult it would’ve been to imagine a life without her, because that’s who he was… he was a man that drove others away, that’s why his father never loved him, that’s why Lenny had left him, that’s why his friends had such a hard time being there to put up with him.

And now without wanting, without trying at all, he was on the brink of driving his son away.

“Why do you want him?”

“He’s my son!”

“I ‘eard ya… but why can’t you make another one and leave us alone.” he cried.

“I can’t” He looks hurt– and is not a thing I would ever do! Abandon my child!”

Homelander turned pale, perhaps it was the strange intimacy between these strangers, perhaps it was the fact that they were technically strangers even if they had meet before, or the fact that he had fucked this man’s wife and would most likely not allow him to see daylight after they were done conversing, that made him blurt his most shameful secret.

He took his cape and wrapped it on his hand as he took a seat next to Butcher.

“When I was young, I was told I couldn’t have them… I tried… I tried a lot but nothing ever happened until… three weeks ago, when I stumbled upon this information– I’ll spare you the details… but it was a miracle.”

Homelander chokes slightly, catching the distaste at the force cheery tone on his mouth as he spouts the words miracle, it was true, Ryan was a secret miracle.

But it wasn’t him in those birthday photos holding his little boy with cream on his nose, and a wide smile, it wasn’t him on a camping trip, it wasn’t him holding that baby while giving him his first bath.

He wouldn’t tell Butcher, he had come earlier to survey the area, dig through his cabinets, scoffing at the disorganized sock drawer, or that he had been on this floor watching his family pictures, painting himself in those images.

“It’s that why you and Queen Maeve broke up?” he asked, clearing the snot– your baby batter no good?”

“It would’ve been easier if that was the case… she’s a dyke.”

Butcher turned around and shrugged, only mildly surprised by the news.

“How is he? Ryan… is he smart? What does he like?”

The man didn’t wish to tell him a thing but he was sure Becca would’ve yelled at him if he had, he was hurt and he could at least make her angry.

“He likes school but hates math class, got in trouble once for cheating on a math exam but I couldn’t get mad because I also hated math class… he goes to the same school as my friend’s M.M’s kid and the two are glued to the hip, keep joking he’s gonna end up being related to me for real one day” he chuckles behind some tears– he loves football.”

“Not soccer?”

“It’s football! Your country just wants to be special and call it something else but it's called football, real football!” He sounds less aggressive than Homelander anticipated, like he was talking to a coworker he didn’t dislike– he’s the goalie in his team ‘cuz he’s the tallest kid in his class, swear that boy is gonna be 6’ 2’’ one day…” He chuckles dryly– and he loves movies… he even started making little short films and posting them online recently… he’s such a good kid”

And it bites him.

Of course Ryan would be such a good kid, because deep down he shared nothing with Butcher.

His father was this great hero, this man of pure noble heart… It made him full with relief that his son would never have this darkness inside him, this darkness that came from his scumbag sperm donor, that came from his veins, it wasn’t just Becca’s goodness that made him a sweet kid.

“I like history books and movies… am actually good at math… not to brag or anything, I’m just good at it, could probably ace a fifth-grade math exam any day.” he chuckles dryly.

“Want a drink? I think I need one…”

“Anymore and your bladder will explode… your liver is okay but–

“Don’t do that. It’s freaky.” he said with visible disgust.

Butcher stands up, listening to nature’s call as he heads back to his living room finding that Homelander is already in their long kitchen taking a can of beer from the french doors, their house was spacious, and old 60’s built if he had to take a guess, far from the city in a more woodsy area, they had remodeled together (…mostly Butcher but she picked the wallpaper) but when he thought about it now, it made sense why she would want to be in such a quiet place, even if it was just 1 hour or 2 from New York, the house was unassuming, a place that Homelander would had never given a second glance.

“I don’t want him to hate me… Ryan… the last thing I want in the whole world is for him to hate me… all I’ve ever wanted was a family, all I’ve been denied my whole life is a baby…”

Butcher stared at him, dragging his feet on the terracotta tile, taking the beer he had placed on the counter, cracking it open as he tried to make sense of this man.

“I want a baby…”

“They’re okay… smelly tho” he took a short sip feeling too uncomfortable for his own good– can’t find a woman who could give you one? Sure your Vought doctors would help you out”

“They won’t let me keep them. Not really… the only reason Ryan is here with you and not… somewhere else is because he doesn’t have this inside him.”

Homelander takes out a small pouch from the inside of his boot, it's a slim and small, Butcher stares at it quizzically as he offers it, trembling fingers take the pouch to reveal a small pair of ampoules holding a blue liquid.

“Compound V.” He opens his own can while considering taking an actual sip– I had a child before… before Ryan… killed their mother in the womb… laser her in half… they think my kids should be born with powers because all other supes are made with that… if Ryan… if Ryan had been born with powers, they would’ve taken him from you both, and for some reason your wife keep taking him to Vought doctors as part of their agreement, I'm trying to figure that out but if he had hit sudden supe-puberty– you’ll be dead.”

“You’re telling me supes are man-made?”

“Ryan could still have powers… ”

Butcher held that vial, slowly realizing what was hiding behind his words, as the man took a sip of Butcher’s beer.

“You… you want to make him into one of you cape freaks?” He almost growled.

“Is the only way I can protect him, because they can’t take him from me… if you leave they will find you and if they find you before I do, they will take him to a place not even I will ever find out, and I would flatten all of Manhattan so badly It'll make Hiroshima seem like a kid’s game and yet I know they won’t tell me where he is… but if he has powers… and me…”

“No!”

“Compound V recipient with supe parents are 70% more likely to inherit the powers from the patrilineal line than the mother’s… my powers are divine and will keep him safe, the odds of him not getting my powers is very unlikely, and trust me you don’t want to be on your own raising a child with my powers– not that I’ll let you.”

Homelander left the can to fizz out.

“I think… I think we can make this work… you let me be there for Ryan, and I’ll protect this happiness… we are both in this place because your wife made a series of decisions and now we’re both fucked in varying degrees but believe me when I tell you that I love him… and if you don’t listen to me, I’ll take him from you.”

He walks past him.

His hand on the door to the yard, he looks back at William.

He knows it won’t be the last he sees of him, as he its waved goodbye by a sonic boom rattling his kitchen windows, he thinks of calling Mallory and disappear, take Ryan and abandon the world, but as he made his way back to his bedroom, as he looked at his phone with sore eyes, he told himself that Homelander wouldn’t be giving him a warning if it wasn’t willing to negotiate, he wouldn’t have given him this V stuff to earn his trust.

His fingers moved before he could regret his decision.

“Mallory…”

“Are you alright?” He was surprised to hear that anxious tone in that woman’s voice, he glanced at his bedside table catching the clock reading past 1 am.

“Can we meet tomorrow before Ryan gets here– he’s with Becca’s folks… is urgent.”

“Why? You’re not doing something stupid are you, William?”

“Is stupid but not killing myself stupid.”

“... Butcher…”

“Please.”

“I’ll be there for lunch.”

He hangs, dropping into his pillows clutching that strange vial, thinking of a supe he'd never care about before.

this is the house where most of the story will take place:

#homelander #billy butcher #billy butcher x homelander #butchlander #my fic tag #the scenes involving becca do not represent the author's opinions or attitudes towards becca #this is simply just a bunch of ppl talkign over a victim who is dead and can't explain what happens not what i think of becca so plz dont #unalive me #personal #dont know if there will be spicy so lets call this M rated at best

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somevillainfuckery · 17 days

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RANTETHING TIME, WORMS (pt.1 PTP)

I said I was gonna rant on some random interests of mine soooo- first rant, yippee! I was wanting to do a rant today anyways [even though I slept "today" away], and thought well I did some doodles of random characters, maybe that'll help, and Popee happened to catch my eye. Funny psychotic rabbit man that isn't luring kids into the back room 🤭 I kinda just binged a couple random episodes of that since I started getting tired of Salad Fingers and having to hear him moaning over a texture every ten seconds Apologizing ahead of time, this is way too long of a rant 🤦‍♂️ Watching some of PTP, I'm just chilling, watching Kedamono get traumatized for the millionth time and Popee being a spawn of satan, and then the worst thing on the planet decides to fill my screen- FUCKING PAPI. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO LIKES THE SILLY MAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG, I FUCKIN LOVE HIS DESIGN AND A COUPLE SCENES OF HIM, HE'S GREAT FOR THE SERIES, BUT THERES A PROBLEM. I noticed in some scenes he has some... gross tendencies, to say the least, and other times he kinda just sucks. Like how fuckin old is Popee?? He's definitely not an adult, or at least he doesn't act like it, I'm assuming he's fuckin 17 maybe a bit older- who in the actual fuck is gonna step up to their teenage, almost adult son, with a goddamn bottle??? LIKE- STOP. PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU. POPEE IS NOT OK WITH IT, EVERYONE CAN SEE EVEN KEDAMONO IS BOTHERED BY IT, I ALREADY KNOW AT LEAST SOME OF YOU AS VEIWERS WERE BOTHERED BY IT. AND HIS RESPONSE TO THEM NOT DOING WHAT HE WANTS IS.. BECOMING GOD OR SOMETHING???

HUH??? I mean sure the argument for him is just he wanted to help- but Papi, that is NOT the proper help needed here, and I feel like nobody should have to actually point that out, he's an adult and should know that. And then another thing that kinda freaks me out is the reoccurring theme of vore? Yeah pretty sure rule34 artists had a lotta fun with this episode 😭 And what's worse is that his ass is unbearable in other episodes as well, not as freaky as this shit maybe, but still overall not making a good image for him. Poison happens to be one of my favorite episodes, just another episode where Popee gets sick of Kedamono basically existing. Papi is there of course, but he kinda just makes me uncomfortable the whole time like-

YOU'RE JUST SUCKING POISON OUT TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T DIE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR SON THIS WAY. I'M ACTUALLY ON POPEE'S SIDE HERE, I WOULD ACTUALLY PREFER PUTTING A GUN TO MY HEAD THAN LET THIS MAN HELP. Really don't like how the scene goes, and when shit hits the fan you just- kill your kid?! EXCUSE ME??? Of course, as I said, there's other shit that just- doesn't sit right with me, now no its not exactly the immense perv levels of these two right here, but its more over the fact that Papi is supposed to be a father. From the very first episode we see the man, he comes in while Popee and Kedamono are practicing a trick, and his immediate reaction isn't some super flashy self introduction, or yknow- a fucking "Hello, son, I'm back from my several years of searching for the milk". It's to one-up his son? Assuming, being trying to understand any actual story out of this show is as difficult as understanding the FNaF lore, Popee is only even apart of this circus, or training to be apart of the circus, probably because of his father.. so Papi's intro is kind of a dick move. But then again, it could just be something that's going over my head entirely, since he proceeds to mentor them [and get a chainsaw to the head in the process]. I wanna believe that, or yknow find some sorta less asshole-y explanation, but then you kinda notice the difference from before he arrived, and after. When it was just Popee and Kedamono, Kedamono was impressed and supportive, and whether he wanted to or not, he'd end up practicing some sorta trick, or just sticking around to witness Popee practicing. After Papi arrived, and there was another member to the little group, I realized that everything Popee did was- disapproved by Papi, if I'm wording that correctly. A couple times here and there was some applauding, but other then that Papi kinda just seemed overall disappointed. No, I didn't rewatch the entire series again, but from what I can remember its usually disappointment, showing favoritism to Kedamono, or just constantly doing whatever his son is doing but better. I don't think I'd want this man as a mentor ngl. I mean if your son kills you and digs a grave with no hesitation, and is barely even upset at your death at all, pretty sure that means something is wrong with the relationship.😕 And besides the points where he's shown to "care", he is also pretty neglectful. The episode Ghost is one example, where they practice a magic trick on Popee, I genuinely love this little bit at the start because it seems like they actually have a decent relationship with each other-

but then everything just goes downhill immediately, and that's because Kedamono is a royal fuck up and kills Popee. That's when my point comes in. Look at Kedamono. AND THEN LOOK AT PAPI.

BROTHA WHERES YOUR SADNESS- YOUR CONCERN- YOUR SON JUST DIED, KEDA IS FREAKING OUT.. AND YOU'RE JUST DIGGING A GRAVE LIKE ITS AN AVERAGE EVERYDAY OCCURANCE. THE ONLY TIME YOU ACTUALLY START GIVING A SHIT IS WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO SAVE KEDAMONO- AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW THE WOLF. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Another great example is in the episode Medicine, where Popee is sick with what one can only explain as this shows version of Covid-19. Papi and Kedamono are trying to help him by mixing some random ass concoctions that I'm gonna assume is a mix of medicine and soup, and overall none of them had worked. By the time they found something that didn't taste like straight death, they get distracted by that and decide "lets go off and enjoy ourselves", MEANWHILE POPEE LOOKS LIKE HE'S FUCKING BEGGING FOR HELP. I GET IT, POPEE ISN'T EXACTLY SOME SWEET ANGEL, QUITE THE OPPOSITE ACTUALLY BUT NOW YOU'RE STOOPING AS LOW AS HE DOES. An episode that really stands out is Loneliness, where Papi and Kedamono leave while Popee is asleep, and they stay gone for a few days. Popee is the definition of an asshole, duh, we all know he terrorizes everyone around him for a living. But according to the episode, they had to have been gone for maybe two or three days. Popee slept the entire day away, and thats the day they left, I'm gonna assume he spent that night/the next day trying to figure out where everyone went, and then went insane the day after. He'll kill Papi and Keda, no hesitation, but obviously he cares about them still, after all that's his father and his best friend. I assumed the pantomime episode plays a little into this, being Popee creates what looks like a hallucination of himself to cope with what he assumes to be abandonment, and its a hallucination everyone else can sense/see as well. (and take note of this, it appears that the easiest[?] way for somebody to duplicate themselves in a mental hallucination way is when they cry, so obviously Popee freaked out when he came to the explanation of abandonment so I'm assuming absent father = pretty fucked up mindset). Papi and Kedamono come back, they get rid of the duplicate by having Papi make a duplicate of himself, and Popee freaks the fuck out about it. Kedamono offers a solution- talk to him, try and calm him down, being a decent person to Popee. Papi literally refuses to even acknowledge the idea, or his son, and tries literally any other solution that doesn't involve talking to his child. I'm sorry... your child is having a mental breakdown. And you refuse to look at him. As I said, there are a lot of things that make Papi a great character, but he could be so much better if he was just a decent father. When I first watched the show, I genuinely thought Popee was just the most heartless prick known to man but like.. CMON, LOOK AT THIS SHIT, POPEE IS SO FUCKED IN THE HEAD BECAUSE OF HIS PIECE OF SHIT DAD. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW THEY BELIEVE HE WAS JUST GONE FOR MOST OF POPEE'S LIFE AND I CAN SEE THAT, AND THEN WHEN HE DOES COME INTO THE PICTURE, HE JUST RUINS EVERYTHING. THE SECOND IMAGE HERE FROM MEDICINE, WHEN POPEE IS BEGGING FOR HELP, HE'S REACHING FOR HELP RIGHT??? AND WHO DOES HE REACH FOR??? NOT PAPI, NOT HIS OWN FATHER, HE REACHES FOR HIS BEST FRIEND, KEDA.

THE DUPLICATES HAVE A BETTER FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIP. HELL, WITH POPEE AND KEDAMONO, THEY'VE KILLED EACH OTHER, POPEE TERRORIZES HIM FOR FUN EVEN, AND EVEN THEY HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP. WHEN THE WHOLE CIRCUS JUST VANISHED WHILE KEDAMONO WAS FREAKING OUT, POPEE STAYED... I DON'T SEE PAPI DOING THAT FOR POPEE.

THE SHOWS ENDING WAS GREAT, YEAH... BUT I WISH IT WAS POPEE AND KEDAMONO BEING STARS OF THE CIRCUS ON STAGE, AND PAPI OUT OF THE FUCKIN PICTURE.

#popee the performer #popee the ぱフォーマー #popee the clown #ptp popee #kedamono #ptp papi #ryuji masuda #rant post #starting a petition to put Papi down

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lostfirefly · 5 months

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With each word your tenderness grows, tearing my fear apart, and that laugh that wrinkles your nose, it touches my foolish heart (Ch.1)

Buggy and Catherine (OC from my “You’ve Got the Same Dream as Me” series) were spending their evening at a bar. He was busy all week with his circus, so they hardly saw each other (yes, this happens too). A simple game leads to their first fight.

English is not my native language, errors may occur. As always, feel free to share your thoughts :)

Warnings: Arguing. Drunk Buggy. Sadness.

Words: 1730

The title is taken from "The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra

Taglist: @gingernut1314

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

“Tails!”

Buggy tossed a coin. “Heads! I won again, my cotton candy.”

“Because you are cheating!” Catherine pushed Buggy in the shoulder.

“I’m not! Don't blame me, baby. Blame the Universe,” he laughed and sipped his beer. “Ok, it’s your turn to answer. Tell me about.. your worst date.”

“Of course it's my turn. You tricked me again and I'm answering for the fifth time in a row. Ok.. My worst date.. My worst date.” Catherine set the chin on her hand and thought for a moment. “Jimmy Bimmy Bean!”

“Jimmy Bimmy Bean? Gosh! He’s already won the award for the stupidest name ever!”

“He has his mom to thank for that. But he was cute. So.. He invited me to an amusement park..” Catherine ran her finger over the wine glass.

“But it's not so bad.”

“Shush, clown! I haven't finished yet. But I don't know if he decided this date would cost him too much, or if I wasn't worthy of riding the merry-go-round with him. All in all, he took me to an ordinary park.”

“Bastard!” Buggy said in a mocking tone.

“Shut up! This isn't the end of the story. His mom was following us. She was hiding behind bushes, trees, benches and other shit. And when he tried to kiss me, she showed him how to do it, standing behind some oak tree. Imagine, someone’s arms are hugging you, a face is approaching you, but at the same time this face is looking somewhere sideways, where his mother was standing and showing what to do.” Catherine laughed and took a sip of wine.

“I don't want to imagine that,” Buggy's face changed, he pouted.

She stood up from her chair, came behind him and hugged him. “O-oh, don't be jealous, my silly clown. It was many years ago! I was 20.”

“I’m not jealous! Jealousy is for teenagers. I'm an old grown man!”

“Yes, yes. You're a grown man.” She kissed his cheek and buried her forehead in his temple. “You know, I’m so happy we can finally spend some time together. I haven't really seen you for the whole week because of your show rehearsals. I’m ok with that. But I missed you.” Catherine gave him three quick kisses on his cheek.

“Baby, I told you, you can come to my circus tent at any time. I know where we can hide there and have some fun.” He turned his head towards her and winked.

“You're disgusting sometimes, you know that?” She pecked him on his temple. “Well. Feel better now?”

“No, your scary story about Jamboo Bamboo has deeply traumatized me. I will never be the same again and it’s your fault now, because you fell in love with me completely differently.” He turned around on the chair, made puppy eyes and hugged her around the waist. Catherine rolled her eyes and kissed him on the lips.

“Stop grabbing my ass, jerk!” She removed his hand from her buttocks. ”And what are you laughing at?”

“You should see your face now,” he laughed loudly and ran his fingers over her lips, wiping away any traces of his lipstick.

“Oh, fuck you. I hate cosmetics, and because of you, now I’m always smeared with your makeup in every possible part of my body. Even in those that are embarrassing to talk about.”

Buggy chuckled mischievously.

“Hate you. Better order me one more glass of wine.” Catherine clapped her hands lightly and sat back. “O-okay! It's my turn now! Heads or tails?”

“Heads!”

Catherine tossed the coin.

“Yes!! You finally lost, little asshole! Ha-ha! Tails!!” She happily spun around in her chair twice. “Ok-ok.. Oh! I know! When I was about 15 years old, my friend and I had a fight. To be honest, I don't really remember what it was about. But at that time I perceived our quarrel as a betrayal on her part and almost as the most tragic story in my life. Then I was afraid to talk to her for a very long time to make things better. So here's my question. You're all strong and brave. But you have to be afraid of something, right? What is the main fear for Buggy The Most Handsome Clown?”

Buggy's mood changed in a second and he answered rather dryly. “You know, I don't want to play anymore.”

“What? Why? What's wrong? What did I say?” She looked at him with surprised eyes.

“Nothing. I’ll order more wine for you.” He showed “the refresh sign” to the bartender.

“W-what? Are you offended or what? Come on! It’s just a silly question. Buggy….” She took his left hand. “What's…”

“Heeey, boss! Hi, Cath!” Suddenly two men approached the bar counter where Buggy and Catherine were sitting. One was a tall slender man with light green hair that covered a half of his face, he was a large checkered scarf. The second was with a muscular torso and thick lips, he wore a fur vest that covered the area of his chest.

“Cabaji! Mohji! What are you doing here?” Buggy's face was relieved and he patted them both on the shoulder happily. Catherine smiled slightly and nodded her head at them.

“Decided to spend the evening with beer and girls.” Cabaji smiled and made an order to the bartender. “I'm sorry, are we interrupting you?”

“Actually, y…” Catherine didn't finish her sentence.

“No. Of course not. Sit down.” He waved his right hand and the nearby chair and pulled the other out of Catherine’s hand. “Oh, your wine, sweety.” He moved the glass to her.

While Buggy, Cabaji and Mohji were talking and drinking one beer after another. Catherine gently hinted to the suddenly appearing guys that there were cute girls in the bar and they were looking at them. She rose from her chair and stood between Buggy and Cabaji.

Placing one hand on her boyfriend's back and the other on Cabaji's shoulder, she cleared her throat. "Look, Cabaji, I don't want to be rude, but we're kind of on a date here. I just.. Can we…”

“Oh, sorry. He just said..” he suddenly blushed.

“He won’t go anywhere!” Buggy’s drunk voice rang out.

“You know, I think you’ve had enough beer for today.” Catherine said calmly and tried to take the glass from his hand. “Let's go home?”

“And I’m not going anywhere. Oh, I know! Let’s throw a party in your honor! Let’s have some fun!! ” He pulled the glass out of her hand.

“All the fun of the bar is already inside you.” Catherine glanced at him.

“Baby, we’ve just started our evening. Sit down. I’ll order one more glass of wine for you. Or two. Do you want two glasses? I can order you all the wine in the world because you’re with me and you are lo-o-ovely.” He barely touched her hair with his hand and immediately took a sip of beer.

“No, Buggy. I don’t want one more glass of wine. Now I want to go home because my boyfriend is acting himself like a complete jerk.” She grabbed her belongings.

“Where are you going, my biscuit?”

“Home. And you can stay here and drink the whole bar down.”

Catherine left the bar and went home. She spent three hours on the couch, covered with a plaid. Occasionally getting up to make tea. She didn't know what pissed her off more, the fact that he didn't explain the strange reaction to a simple question or something else.

"Damn you, clown. Catherine, you promised yourself you wouldn't become the kind of girl who freaks out over little things. So why are you reacting this way? Of course, instead of explaining something, he went out of his way to answer an innocent question and started drinking with his friends. But maybe you're freaking out over nothing." She muttered to herself.

She heard someone trying to get the key in the keyhole. Finally the door opened and she heard shuffling sounds. Buggy padded drunkenly into the living room and collapsed on the couch next to Catherine.

“I’m back, my Cathie-pie,” he tried to kiss her. "Why did you leave? Do you know how sad I was without you?"

"I noticed. You know, I'm usually amused by you being like this, but right now, please get your hands off me," she tried to get up from the couch.

"Don't walk away from me, my biscuit. I love you so much," he pulled her back.

"Buggy, what the fuck?" Catherine jumped up from the couch. "Fuck, during our relationship I've never reproached you for staying late at your rehearsals or coming home drunk. I wanted to spend one evening with you. What's the bottom line? Everything was ok but you suddenly freak out over some stupid question. God, I didn't want to offend you. And what? I was trying to find out what I did wrong. Instead of telling me the reason for your weird reaction, you start drinking with your buddies. And I'm sitting in a chair like a complete idiot because I didn't know what happened. Score!”

"Baby, jeez, it's just..." He tried to get up from the couch, but fell over. "Damn, the floor's moving. You're going overboard with your desire for fucking romance. Stop overreacting."

She sighed heavily. “Thank you for saying that shit about me. Now I really don’t want to talk to you.” She went to the bedroom and lay down under the blanket.

Buggy came into the bedroom a few minutes later and lay down beside her.

"My cotton candy, stop pouting," he poked her in the shoulder.

She jerked back. "Don't touch me, what if my, as you said, overreaction causes pink unicorns to come and trample you."

"Oh, Lord, lie here and take offense till morning." He turned his back to her and closed his eyes. Suddenly he heard a soft sob from the other side of the bed.

“Catherine.. Baby, why you...” He asked, turning his head back. She didn't answer.

It was the first (and last) time in their relationship that he had heard Catherine cry.

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vicc000 · 1 month

Text

Will’s thoughts on Emory ❤️

- She was killing me. Had been killing me for years.

- She wouldn’t complain about last night and the lock-in. Tattling would dent her pride. Not sure how I knew that about her, but I did.

-My interest in Emory Scott had nothing to do with her brother, sadly. I wish it were that easy.

-He never tried to drag me into reality as hard as Michael and Kai did. I had no clue what I wanted or who I wanted to be. I just wanted my people, and I wanted the girl of my dreams.

-I wanted to go back to find her, but I knew she wouldn’t take a ride from me. She wouldn’t take anything from me. I was nothing, and she knew it, and in ten years, she’d be amazing, and I’d be nothing. She would never need me.

- Was she calling be a caveman? Little shit. I mean, I did do her literature assignment for her. Did she have any idea how hard it was to try to sound like an angry teenage girl with zero sense of humor.

-I just wanted her to smile. It would be one thing if I were the one making her miserable, but I had a feeling I wasn’t. Still, she wouldn’t turn. She was right there but miles away, and my chest ached.

-Rage boiled my blood, and I wanted to know what happened. Who hurt her? The sight of her crying was like a knife in my gut. But she wouldn’t talk to me. Not yet. Maybe never.

-I stared out at the road as we headed back into town, unable to help the smile peeking out. Sorry, D. That’s her seat now.

- Kissing. Only fucking kissing, and I was about to come already.

-She dominated me, and I didn’t want it any other way. In the classroom, in the library, in the movie theater, in my truck … Watching her cash in on my ass was better than actual sex.

-And here I was, pretty sure that no cost was too great to just be able to hold her. It kind of scared me what I’d pay.

-God, I wanna knock you up. I want to ruin you for all the times you made me think you didn’t want me. I want to give you a piece of me you’ll never be able to escape.

-You’ve been blowing my mind for forever. She was incredible, and I hated that no one saw how beautiful she was except for me. I’d been dying in that bus and fucking happy for it.

- I was clean of all vices, except one, and I needed to shake her. I needed to shake her, so I could go home.

- I’d rather eat my hands than see her do that to herself. If this was who she was, I’d rather this than see her become what I became. Someone who needed to hurt myself day after day in order to fucking smile. I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with her yet, but this, whatever this was going on between them, was not happening. She didn’t get to find herself with Aydin Khadir. She was coming with me.

-My heart sank a moment as I looked at Em, because it was all true. Nothing else mattered. If it killed us, she was the one. And that moment, I didn’t care about her sins, if anyone else had touched her besides me, or that we were both our own worst enemies. That was my girl, scarred, tattered soul, and all. She was beautiful.

-I wanted to wrap my body around hers so badly I refrained, because I knew that I’d squeeze the life out of her, wanting her so much.

#emory scott #will grayson iii #nightfall #devils night #willemmy

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useramor · 1 year

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bia, sweetie, i had a really shitty day. wanna give me a sweet buddie hc of yours?

hi sweetheart!!!! i’m sorry about ur day i am sending u love and sweet happy things always. luv u

anyway:

buck and eddie don’t even realize that they had their first kiss until they pull away. they’ve been dancing around this moment for so long that when it finally happens it’s stupidly casual. it’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment. it’s an i’ve loved you all my life of course i’ll kiss you in hello moment. they laugh about it because it’s ridiculous and it’s eddie who leans in again because therapy eddie goes after what he wants and what he wants is buck’s lips on his!!!

the firefam don’t bet on them. it’s too big and too important and it took them a while to get here, you know? no money gets traded but buck and eddie don’t know that, so they keep their relationship a secret for the first few weeks. or they try to, at least, because they’re not incredibly successful. something something they’ve waited months for this, years for this, whole lifetimes for this. they fuck up when buck kisses eddie goodbye in the parking lot. everyone’s insanely happy for them.

i like to imagine they would have another kid. they’d adopt a little girl and she would drive them crazy. eddie was young with chris, buck was young with chris, and they’re a little older when the little girl comes around. enough that her endless energy exhausts them way faster than chris ever did. but they’re all in love with her (chris included, even if he’s a grumpy teenager about it). buck buys her too many little baby outfits despite the fact that she has all of jee-yun’s hand-me-downs. eddie kisses buck silly the first time he hears him call her mija.

they get engaged way too quick. buck moves in within the first two months, probably. why on earth would they wait? wouldn’t you rush to start the rest of your life if it suddenly looked like every dream you never let linger? wouldn’t you want to sink your hands into the head-rush feeling so it never goes away? they know their life is riskier than most and by god they have let fear and insecurities hold them back for far too long!!!! besides, isn’t marriage abour unconditional love? sickness health and all that shit? like they both haven’t seen each other at their absolute worst. like they don’t love each other more than anyone in the world. it’s an all encompassing sort of thing. and you can see it. it’s written all over their faces every time they look at each other. gay asses.

buck lets the will slip. i don’t quite know to who - probably maddie or hen considering the sperm donor thing. he wants to be a dad so bad, and he accidentally sort of kind of lets slip that he doesn’t want to be a back up dad. they raise an eyebrow. what does that mean? buck blushes and stutters and tries to dismiss it but they don’t let it go. he caves and admits that eddie put him in his will. that if something happens to him, christopher goes to buck. idk who it would be, but i do know they’d both call him an idiot.

also i personally headcanon buck speaks spanish. the man lived in south america. he at the very least understands it. eddie, however, does not know this, until buck is at his first diaz family reunion and everyone at the table is speaking spanish and buck…joins in. eddie’s face goes hot. sophia and adriana notice, because what are sisters for? they can’t even blame him, though. not when buck’s charming the pants off their aunts from mexico, laughing and blushing at all their compliments. eddie’s very thorough with him that night, kisses him the second he’s away from knowing, prying eyes. buck realizes he can kind of get away with anything so long as he says it in spanish.

that’s all i got i think. hope u feel better <33

#this is kinda long sorry and ur welcome?#buddie #buddie headcanon #bia gets mail #sharky tag

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kaleidosouls · 10 months

Text

SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

#su critical #steven universe reclaimed #ranting whatever blah blahb lah sdkjg

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