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commander-orca · 3 years

Text

You were the child a shooting star blushed upon and so... It left you a gift

Tags: Suoh x Rochalizo, Modern college students AU, fluff, Christmas, established relationship, nudity, sex scenes, reassurance, perhaps a tiny bit of angst, physical & emotional parental abuse, school deadlines, daily domestic life, cuddles, insecurities, masturbation, existential crisis, panic attacks, mutual understanding, light forms of self harm, sibling issues, ok I lied there's quite a lot of angst, but there's a lot of good too, working through a relationship, domestic delight, hanging out daily, sleepovers every night w/ your best friend who's also your boyfriend, living a good life despite everything

Note: I wanted to post it all in one but I realised I might not have the time to do so... There you have it!

CHAPTER 1/? probably out of 3 or 5

The vehicle wagged, its sporadic tremors resounding through the interior of the coaches as it winded through the wet dented road. Inside of them, a blue sullen light spread. The only two passengers sat quietly, jiggling like colourful fish in a dull aquarium. Today, they hadn't had the usual misfortune of hexing the noise, for it was not often that the carriage was lulled in such silence. Its empty seats, flaunted for who let their eyes wander gave a strong feeling that tramways, in the early morning, had become another one of those troubling liminal spaces. The long unoccupied corridor rocked back and forth, haunted by memories of the many crossings it had seen.

An old woman sat close to the wall, shivering in her coat, holding a used tissue through wrinkly fingers. Two rows in the front, a boy was slumped on his spot, almost falling back asleep as he drifted away in the tune pouring through the public speakerphones. Blue fingernails beat to the rythmn in terrible pace. In this state of half awakeness, some distasteful pop song's glum notes mingled with the smells of humidity and sights of the blackened cloth benches. Dirty finger marks, pigeon droppings stained the no longer clear panes despite the long drippings of water which challenged each other to a race against the glass. It was one of these days. And it wouldn't stop raining.

His phone screen he had kept close to his face suddenly brightened and he growled, reluctant to ever lay his eyes on something so luminous. He found out it had been a just received message. And from a beloved person that is, which made all notion of potential nuisance go away. The text was short and gentle. A single 'Good morning Sugarloaf'. Rochalizo had started smiling. He read it on the locked display several times over, trying to hear the right tone and voice behind those words. Rubbing his thigh with his grey-mittened-hands he waited for another one, knowing they rarely came alone. As a second one appeared, he had been proven right: a voice message.

"God damnit, can't you just send written ones, like everyone else?", he complained in a whispery voice and put his backpack down.

He blocked it between his shins so it wouldn't slide down the alley while he rummaged through to find his headset. As he pressed it play and heard Suoh's voice come to him through the steaming teapot, he felt like he was back there for a little while, safe between the four tangerine walls of the snug and merry house. He couldn't catch the first seconds, muffled by a little domestic turmoil but the rest seemed to be a story of something which had made him laugh.

"In any case, it must've been a good sleep since you put the cereal bowl in the bin", concluded Suoh, amused.

"What...", Rochalizo muttered aloud in his thick woolen scarf. A few seats away, the old lady's head turned slightly.

Then, a last text came. 'I love you :)'.

The boy's brow furrowed, his mind still hinged on the anecdote. Tiredness made him forgetful of tons of things and messed with his memory so that at times, it had him unable to tell if he had completed a task (the most repetitive ones customarily). He visualised the kitchen and remembered having stumbled around for a bit, flickered through paintings and jammed them into his bag, but not having done such a stupid thing. He trust it he had, however. No offense to Suoh, but if this had been one of his jests, then he would have known immediately — this idiot couldn't lie for his life. And for himself, he knew mixing up tasks when his mind was elsewhere was a stupid habit of his; their kettle which had been set on fire by his doing would be remembered.

He entered his password and wrote in a rush a 'Sorryyy! You're right can't even remember what I ate this morning. Nice catch'. Then, one he typed a little more slowly, a little more carefully, feeling the scope of the words and moved by some timid hesitation. 'Love you'. He held the phone in his hands for a moment, gazing blankly at the bright screen. This had no other purposes than embracing his presence and carving those mundane but heart-pumping words into his brain. But the latter wasn't online anymore. He had left a few seconds after he had started typing. Rochalizo remembered him saying he would have some studying to do and when he decided firmly on something, he put his mind to it wholly and seldom postponed it. 'Blessed are those who don't put off doing things' or whichever way the saying went...

The pre-recorded voice shrilled throughout the car, bringing the old woman up on her feet and Rochalizo stood up too, fidgetting with his headset wire. They had changed the voice making the announcements, he vaguely thought and for any reason, figured he liked the old one better. The central place unfurled rapidly, as though a red carpet on a famous aisle, followed by tall cream-coloured buildings, parks and memorials, eventually a bagel shop he failed to recognise. It stood in the place of the previous family-clothes shop in town, certainly replaced for good. He sucked in a little air, mocking himself. He was getting strangely nostalgic these days... Even for a town which deserved less than half of his sympathy. As soon as the automated doors opened, he got out.

OoOoO

Although it was morning already, buildings and walls still sunk into the deep blue of the night. Rochalizo's long and roughly drawn shadow under the sleepless street lights was of a mournful orange. Their brightness lit up the concrete streets faintly, in colourful patches of land and as it did so most erratically, the light bulbs' metallic sizzling filled the air. The empty parking lot as he walked through it, realising for some of the first times how vast it had always been with no vehicles in sight, smelled of yesterday's gas and and crunched leaves.

He slipped into the art class hidden in his scarf, hoping to go unnoticed for a while. The pale lights flickered as he came in. The main room was messy, filled with crumpled clothes on hangers, scissors, sewing threads and needles abandonned on the floor. In the closest corner of the room, an already decrepited and overburdened Christmas tree stood in a log, crooked and looking close to turning to dust. If the initiative of celebrating and bringing joy to this place was somewhat honourable, it sadly remained a classroom, which only difference to before was that it was presently crowded with Christmas wooden men and angel hair.

Old plastic cups of cold coffee slopped on the tiling looked much like a student's improvisation of a contemporary art initiative due the same day. Near the curtains was a button box, as well as elastic bands and diverse pieces of tissue whose use was unknown, even to him who actually worked in this place. Stepping in there was an experience; there was no knowing where one might be swept off to. Or alternatively, what he would lay his hands onto. But, however a changing landscape this place was, he could say he knew how to navigate through this crafty jungle. He had tamed wild beasts and learnt to master the natural elements in here, especially the orange juice machine.

He filled his drink, then his stomach and threw his coat helter-skelter as he walked up to the windows, opening them despite the freezing wind. Rightly so, he expected that someone would complain about the temperature drop and he would let them. But he felt too warm too quickly, shedding layer after layer even in the winter before perplexed eyes. But if that meant he wasn't ever in a bit of a predicament against the cold, he was also keen to pick up snowballs with bare hands for others, offer his coat outdoors and do the late sprints to the grocery shop at night and he had come to like being helpful in that manner. It hadn't always been the case.

Since it seems the place was still deserted, he would do as he pleased and with some luck, no one would come intrude on the next minutes. Actually, he was quite sure. Something in the way the blinds had been left half open at this hour in the morning and in the hurriedly cleaned paintbrushes in the sink he had passed by, he felt someone must have come home late yesterday. On tables worn down by felt pens marks were sewing machines, more hangers, coils of unwrapped wire, desk lamps and glue guns drowning in their own glue, having met their doom at their own expenses.

Finding shelter in the overstocked backroom, he took notice of the few packages on the window ledge and gave it a nod of acknowledgement. Good, someone in their group had refilled their stocks again. Rochalizo began looking for his stuff. In a cardboard box with his name on it, he found the patterns he had used to cut the right shape in the clothes as well as a quick pencil sketch of a bunch of pants and skirts on their model. He trailed his fingers on the edge of the wooden shelters distractedly. He liked being there. This little corner, safe from prying eyes was his favourite spot. Sitting on the floor, his back pressed to the wall, he unfolded the sheet which described the school's instructions on their project. He had lost count of how many times he had read these devilish paragraphs. Coming across a certain topic being addressed, he bit his lip.

"Hellooo?"

Rochalizo straightened up, his sleepy state heightening his surprise. He hadn't heard the footsteps and the door opening, absorbed in his tedious reading. He was surprised his group was already up, the leftover stuff having him convinced they had worked overtime and would compensate by showing up in the afternoon only. If possible, he would've wished for some additional peace. He didn't think particularly ill of them. However, as much as his tiredness still loomed above him like a dark cloud, as much as he hated mornings and as much as they were more friendly acquaintances than real friends, he didn't think any interactions would go well in the present moment.

The voice called again. Then, the sounds of footsteps grew closer until the face of a girl appeared in the restricted passageway. Her straight blond hair covered half her face as she leaned in towards him.

"Hello Mr. Grumpy, no need to hide if you don't want to talk!"

Rochalizo let out a small snort and ruffled his own hair. He had resigned himself to talk anyway and make an effort to be more good-humoured. It was Friday and the more he would forget about how he didn't want to be there, the more work they would get done and perhaps even finish early.

"What are you trafficking here again? Come to the front!"

The boy dusted off his pants and followed her to the main place again. He gazed across the room, feeling the cold air blowing in and the breeze stirring up the badly glued posters and drawings on the walls.

"Am I not getting insulted for cooling off the room in December?", he taunted her.

His teammate laughed, shrugging his remark away as she settled on top of a table, spreading her long legs and black boots on two chairs. She looked like she was in a good mood; although this having been a fun ride, they were all relieved it was coming to an end. And seeing that their efforts and sleepless nights were paying off was the most gratifying part.

"I'm used to you now, see, I'm keeping a double coat on whenever I gotta join you somewhere".

Rochalizo smirked and still went to close the window. He then sat on the table which faced her. The ceiling lights were almost too dazzling in this spot, which made him feel like he was sitting in a surgery room; especially on days like today, where the intrusive lights transgressed the darkness, inflicting on the mind a curious form of time lag. He rubbed his eyes scrupulously.

"So what were you doing?

— Making sure we've gone through all the steps again...", he replied sighing, "I'm pretty sure we've forgotten something but I can't put my finger on it, y'know?"

He bit his lip again and his teammate nodded understandingly. She seemed to be thinking the same as she explained she also felt that anxious feeling grip onto her sometimes, under the impression they had missed some detail or not met a specific expectation.

"At least I'm somewhat glad that I'm not the only one who's feeling this way, but I really can't tell what it is... We're pretty much done aren't we?

— Yes, that's the very goal of us meeting now by the way. We're finishing off things. Yes, yes, already", she added, trying to hold back her laughter before a abashed Rochalizo who was whispering to himself an 'already'?

The boy massaged his head, feeling stupid. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure he wanted it to end there. He had had the knowledge in mind that within months of hard labour, it would end here. And yet it felt too abrupt now. And he felt like it missed something; could he have put more heart into it? Could he have formed stronger bonds with his teammates? He hadn't had the time to create opportunities for all that and he somewhat had regrets now...

He kept silent for a while, listening to her and how she had woken up and found her email box infested of email recommendations from many of their teachers. The thought made him instantly anxious and he shared with her a few words of sympathy; he esteemed himself glad he rarely ever read his own emails. Getting out her phone, she read to him a few of them: some being traditional praises and wishes of good luck, some included respectable advice and a last portion of them almost sounded like threats, concealed in the form of the expression of the high expectations they had for them.

"Urgh... This one is the worst... It's from you-know-who...

— Oh I think I know who...

"'Hello, to the three of you. Please don't forget to add the last litte details today and to ignore the bigger ones. It'd be too late to go back to war. Remember that a lot is expected of you this year, but I trust that with my teachings, you will do what's wise and honour this school', that's what Ms. Dawson wrote me in her email.

— Oh... This is the worst so far... But I assume, If Ms. Dawson said it, then her holy word is law", commented Rochalizo, amused.

"She speaks to the faithful on behalf of her supreme divinity. We were chosen.

— Yet you didn't bow before her and uttered an Amen? You're so full of sin!

— Aaaah, how can I ever be repented?"

— What kind of bullshit are you two talking about?", another voice exclaimed from the threshold, laughing.

They turned around to meet their other teammate's eyes. The newcomer leaned against the wall, arms folded over herself confidently. Her short brown hair tucked behind sunglasses on the top of her head and behind her ears revealed a clear face and freckles which twisted, leaving space for a mischievous smile.

Rochalizo lied, saying he couldn't remember the train of thought and brought them back on the topic of their project. He admitted struggling to find a common sense of humour with this one, although finding her quite nice. She was one of those people whose seriousness deflected the jokes people threw at her, so it had made him reluctant to share some with her since. But despite this, they got along well and he appreciated her for her motivation and good monitoring skills. It had saved them from the general chaos of not knowing where to start many times.

"First of all, is it you who stayed late at the atelier yesterday?", asked Rochalizo getting up again to open the crate which contained all their precious creations.

The newcomer joined them and sat at the empty table, nodding, seemingly proud of herself. Little dark bags circled the rim of her eyes.

"Sure it was me! I've sewn the missing chains and ribbons on the pants and skirts. Also, the jacket needed a better zipper.

— That's amazing! I wouldn't have thought about that!"

Rochalizo and the other looked at each other in awe, admirative of her work. The boy even felt guilt to some extent. He had had his part in the project but whatever task he was given or however hard he worked, he was never congratulated as much. Call it jealousy on his behalf, but he would've wished to have a special gift of accuracy or creativity too, to be this efficient or talented. He would've liked to get praised the way she was. The feeling of being needed by people was addictive.

They chatted for another short while before resuming the last supervising. The first one hung all clothes on hangers and examined each cloth, searching for potential holes or faulty parts, pieces too easily torn which could use some reinforcements. He stood no far away, checking measurements with this measuring tape which, it had been mentionned many times already — a joke at his expense — amounted to a total of three times his height. The other went straight to the backroom to fetch some of the last accessories they ought to add to their creations.

Rochalizo put down his tape and examined a lacy dress. They had forgotten to add a hem to the other sleeve here, the collar should normally be thicker and the front part less see-through. Reluctantly, he went back to the desk and carried the sewing machine with him, the weight of it had him stumble for each step he took. Switching it on, he waited for its mechanism to start whining, but nothing happened. He gave a little knock on its side, then began shooking it more violently. He was trying punches when his blond teammate came over and stated that it was broken.

"I don't know how it happened but it didn't work yesterday. You should try another one. We don't have three for nothing".

However, Rochalizo tried them all on and none worked. At this point, he thought he would push all the devices off the table, a vengeance for getting on his nerves. The brown-haired girl came to check on him, alarmed by his racket and tried them all too. When they came to the conclusion they were all broken, Rochalizo crushed his hand in his face. Her comrade readjusted the sunglasses on her head and sighed, then departed with a desperate 'I need coffee' and went straight for the coffee machine.

The first girl sat with a cross Rochalizo and mouthed under her breath.

"If we were in a play right now we'd be calling it a sabotage..."

Rochalizo nodded mushily, thinking all he could do to revoke this seemingly incoming bad day was to go home and go back to sleep. He hadn't had time to cuddle a lot with Suoh anyway last night.

"Why isn't it working?!"

This time, it was almost a scream, foaming with rage. Their teammate had grabbed the device and shook it fiercly, quite the sight and interaction; it made her look like a cop in the middle of interrogating a pretty tough criminal who had sworn off on some oath they wouldn't speak a word. While letting their friend come to blows with the fickle engine, Rochalizo and the girl exchanged a somber look.

"See... This is why I keep saying the art department needs more money...", he muttered.

The other nodded.

"Pff... Keep on dreaming star-gazer. They won't give us one penny. Cause after all... We have hands! We can sew all this by ourselves!", retorted the brown-haired girl who came back with her hair messy from the fight she had put up and an empty cup.

Besides him, his other friend's panic was all but concealed. Rochalizo scratched the back of his head. He wanted to complain with her and trash-talk the academy for founding some faculties too much and discriminating others, but he didn't wish to put the group's spirits down in doing that. There had been enough stress to go through these past months and they needed some reassurance that it all would come to fruition. That was counter-intuitive talk to him but he chose to look at the brighter side for once.

"I know you were spoofing them, but... I could still sew them myself...

— What?! No! You're not! We're reporting this immediately and they'll lend us another one. I bet not everyone in their group is using them right now!

— Or I could still text the class and see if someone can bring theirs", suggested the other girl.

— The raw project is due today at 3 PM though. No time to get used to another machine either", Rochalizo insisted, curling one of his strands between two fingers, "I could do it. I don't mind".

The others kept silent. He settled the matter by going and getting the sewing box. He sat down comfortably on top of the desk and took out the needle. The two girls maintained that he should not have to go through the pain of doing that manually, but to that he replied that they could go charge a complaint and they would see who did it faster.

The first one found the terms acceptable and rushed to exit the room. The girl with the blond hair however, emphasised that it would take at least five hours, something which, with a professional device, would be solved in a matter of one quarter of the time, surely less. But Rochalizo shrugged.

"I'm not so sure, but I think I can sew quite fast. I had to knit a beanie overnight for someone once, because they kept catching colds".

She smiled, her face tilting to the right, charmed by the attention.

"That's actually kind of you...

— Hey, "actually"?! The hell does that mean?!"

His teammate gestured a vague sign that she was kidding and left laughing. She got back to work too, scissors in her hands and a safety pin in her mouth, she set to cutting the protruding threads of a purple pullover. Rochalizo cleared his mind and focused on his finger movements; he could move them fast if he repeated the movement properly and didn't get his links tangled with other ones. He spent what must have been a long time in this state of extreme concentration, so much so that when he took a look outside his little bubble, the small blades of glass of the garden outside the window basked in the first lights of the day. And besides him were a tiny industrial sandwich and a hard candy bar, which bore on top of a them a 'thank you!!' note.

OoOoO

"Really I didn't think much of you. I thought 'this boy looks like a moron but he has a cool fashion style so it might be good to be paired up' and I was right!

— That's the kind of person you thought I was? That's terrifying!"

The little group leant against the wall, prattling joyfully. With the end of the fourth step (one left!) of the project and its forthcoming validation, that was some weight off their consciences. All thoughts flew back to a few nights where he they had lain in bed, unable to step out of the infernal loop. But they could finally relax and take a real mental break, unbothered by questions of what still needed to be done.

The afternoon had ended. They were free.

Rochalizo had angled his head backwards; he engaged in the conversation happily, but his mind wandered. If he listened to himself, he wished for a terribly long nap.

"No but seriously Rochalizo, thank you so much. That was thoughtful of you. If you hadn't, we might have had to leave it as it was. It's crazy that everyone was using them at the moment.

— Yeah, I guess we weren't the only ones a little short on the timing..."

Her brown-haired teammate raised a big cup upwards. It was already half-empty.

"But they had coffee!"

She laughed. Rochalizo's lips corners stretched in a sneer and he stretched his left leg towards the remaining patch of light in the room, the last of the day. In the nearby garden, a rusty fence closed, blown by the wind, chasing away the crow which kept watch on it and croaked every so often. Another gust of wind howled against the window.

"I really can't believe we're done", said someone after a while, "It feels like we've started yesterday. But I also wouldn't go through all of this pain again".

Their other one earnestly agreed, bopping her head so had it must have been clobbering.

"Yep. I want both of you to know that I've often thought of tearing apart all our outfits because I wasn't satisfied enough.

— You can't!", Rochalizo blurted out, somewhat panicked at the thought she was still in position to commit such an atrocity, "We would've done it all for nothing!

— Oh I know you two would've killed me... But I still feel that way. I'm not sure what we did will be fine... And... Innovative enough..."

The students' gazes directed towards their clothing pieces. Under the white artificial lights, frozen in the stillness of the atelier at that time of the day, they looked like articles in vitrines or pieces of the latest trend exposed on a promontory at a fashion show. From a more sensitive standpoint, they could also have been the remnants of an artistic performance, abandonned by their interpreter.

"I think we should be fine...", Rochalizo said, "I like them".

The group silently concured.

"Oh! And by the way", said the one of the girls as she downed the last of her coffee, "I just remembered what we forgot to do".

Rochalizo and the other tensed. It would be too late by now.

"The model, guys!

— Oh! Of course!

— We're so dumb!

— We are...

— But aren't we quite late on that?", Rochalizo asked, uneasily, "I've seen groups who already had their models chosen months ago"

— Well... If we can't find anyone, you can still pose for us, Rochalizo", her friend teased, a snarky smile on her face.

"I... I couldn't. That'd be so awkward..."

He pictured himself on the catwalk, all floodlights directed at him to showcase every aspect of his body. People who would scrutinise at every of his flaws and point them out to the entire team. He could feel himself sweat nervously as he would be asked to redo a pose or reenact a movement he would've done in shameful clunkiness. The distress they could all be able to see on his face, more akin to lost child than a model. The sensation of not knowing where to hide and the attention so outrightly tight he would forget how to breathe naturally and wonder if each step he made seemed natural to an outward observer. Imagine their thoughts and rethink each movement towards satisfying their third person view on him and comfort their expectations. Feeling his heart pulsating from all parts of his body and his mouth twisting.

He shook his head. Why was he thinking through this scenario now? He would never volunteer.

He brought his attention back to what her friend was saying. The starting point and topic were unclear but he rapidly picked up what was being discussed. She proceeded to explain how they still had time to do so since the photoshoot would take place in two weeks. However, they couldn't afford to drag on because some of the formalities still took time. Formalities like paperwork on the model's informed consent, the model's confidentiality agreement and their wilingness to have photos of them broadcasted on the Internet. Ideally, they should find someone within the next few days or they'd begin to truly, this time, be short on time.

"Any of you knows someone who would want pose?

— Hmm...", said the first friend, lost in thoughts.

"Preferably someone super good-looking in order to really highlight the clothes", their other friend added.

Rochalizo bit the inside of his cheek. Obviously he knew someone. Whenever discussing beauty, attractiveness and good looks, he did think of him. He had been unsure before if he was biased regarding how he viewed his esthetic appearance and how he reckoned that there couldn't be found a single person more enticing than him; this dumb and crazy bias shared by all lovers. But as their lives had jumbled and clasped around each other, becoming increasingly more revealing to the other, he had fully noticed some things. Be it the way Suoh caught people's eyes, the way they were kinder to him for looks and granted him additional courtesies... But also the way he got into trouble with some of them who leered at him and thought they had a right to touch him. It seemed his beauty was to be globally noticed and lauded — although the very one concerned would often deny it.

They had argued a few times on the topic and while Suoh was technically right about there being no concept of objective beauty, Rochalizo had countered with the idea that the sociological tendency still had people agree to classify a certain type as 'more attractive' than others. He vaguely remembered what he had said past this point because Suoh had brought up something else. But he fit the general standards and contemporary canons of beauty, he imagined without too much difficulty that he could be a great choice as a candidate.

Another reason he was taking this into account was because he could be quite outgoing with the people he had just met and felt at ease on a stage or in any setting which prompted that he would be the center of the attention. He didn’t escape the long-term attention, but Suoh tended to ward off from one which would be constant, concerned with putting everyone forth even for a short while and feeling tired himself after a while. But he didn't mind being in the spotlight nor being stared at while he talked. Given the circumstances he would understand the need to be the only one looked upon and might not mind. And as he was relatively comfortable in his own body, it would be optimal in case he would be asked to exhibit a certain attitude while posing, act out somewhat in poses or perhaps show a little sensuality — good lord he would die.

"I might know someone...", he started off again, slightly embarrassed.

The group leaned in his direction, eyes filled with hope.

"You do? Who is it? Tell us, now!

— Um... A friend...

— That would be fantastic! Do you think they'll be down?

— Wait! Boy or girl?"

Rochalizo snorted and carefully replied:

— I think they could be interested but I'll ask them first. I can't give any final answers right now".

The two girls whispered things among themselves, sharing indiscrete words with no regards for Rochalizo still sitting one foot away from them. To conclude the somewhat confidential talk, one of them nodded in approuvement.

— I want to check out that handsome...

— Me too! I want to see what potential you see... Do they have Instagram?"

That last remark made him uneasy. His fingertips brushed against his phone case, in the front pocket of his hoodie. He could search for his name for them in the app... But...

"No", he heard himself saying, his tone unflinching, striving to be convincing, "It's not the social-media addict type like the lot of you“.

Which was, as a rule, true for the most part, therefore it wasn't like he was lying. Suoh had an email box like everyone did, an app for convenient fast texting and a small Youtube channel, almost uncharted from the public eye, where he filmed little walks in nature, plants and trees with interesting commentaries. He could talk for hours on end about plants' history and their use in modern pharmacology — he was actually well versed in such an incredible number of topics that you couldn't help wondering where he had learnt all of this — and well-being. Rochalizo hadn't looked into it in a while but when he did, he made sure to leave a nice comment.

His teammates' disappointment was palpable. He felt a hint of guilt slip into his mind and for a moment, weighted whether he should try looking for it anyway or simply shrug it off. Guilt for what, in fact? He was doing nothing wrong.

"D-Don't look at me like that... You'll see him in flesh if he agrees to come. That's much better than those overly filtered pics.

— You're in art school! You should know they have artistic value. Looks like someone's just salty because they don't look good in those filters.

— You want me to slap you?"

They laughed again. Rochalizo collected his stuff and threw the remains of his lunch in the bin. As he pondered what to do with the candy bar, the two girls approached him again and he hid it hastily in his pocket. They thanked him, showed their excitement profusely.

"You've saved the day twice, you realise it?", said the girl with the sunglasses, smirking mischievously at him, "You go and get some rest, genius".

Those simple words made him blush. He did his best to hide a half smile behind his scarf as he put it on.

"Yeah yeah".

Because they were to be staying a while longer to do some tidying and bring the clothes back home for the following days, he left them behind. They waved at him cheerfully, even got out in the hallway to keep waving, which was something their usual laziness guarded them against.

"Have a nice week-end Rochi!"

Rochalizo waltzed backwards, moving his mittened-hand back, feeling great about himself. A ready-made sentence popped out in his mind; 'He had showed them'. Showed who? He didn't think that had been aimed peculiarly at his two teammates, but rather, covered something much larger. He wasn't sure who that encompassed. But he sure had.

OoOoO

Through the mucky, wet window, the world was a dance. The grey streets and their passersby swirled along with the dead leaves, carried away through the windy drizzle and faded away slowly in a cloud of lacklustre hues. Alleys were no different, stretched into long shapeless strokes until the lampposts lit the day still clear and their joyous balls of lights joined and got onto the train, journeying on the panes. Rochalizo yawned meekly, his cheek squashed against his wrist, weary eyes looking but not seeing the fluorescent street signs and its traffic. His life seemed to be summed up by sleepy states in diverse public transportation these days. He sniffled in his scarf, hoping he hadn’t caught a cold and buried himself deeper into the cloth. Only by some strange miracle, did he managed to hear the voice announcing his stop.

He went further up the street, passed by an old bakery, the local swimming pool, as his home keys dangled from his fingers, then the travel agency which spread on both sides of the silent road. The ancient bricks of facades and brown leaved bushes blended into the greyish weather which would soon be swallowed by night. Some early Christmas decorations which flashed into the littered-with-garbage alleys had been hung by their ends to roofings' beams. Meanwhile, the guzzles of wind snored persistently around him and through the plastic storefronts supporting their signs as leaves got carried away into open sewers and a hooded silhouette leaned onto a cafe's wooden fore wall and crushed their third cigarette butt. Exiting the end of the road at full speed, a busy motorcyclist took the left path and vanished in loud motor noises. Rochaizo kept his eyes to his feet as he walked by blindly, automatically. The mundanity of the streets sometimes made him want to throw up.

However, walking up the stairs of his old building, he felt lighter for every step he took; crossing the dark long corridor and fixing his eyes on that warm light which spilled out from the threshold drew a little smile from him. It wasn't much but this place was rife with personality. The home lightings shed some light on the brown daft doormat Suoh had bought last month. 'Yay, it's you', it said and it made him roll his eyes each time he spent enough time there to notice it anew, but he hated it less than he pretended he did. Especially on exhausting nights like these where he found himself longing for a warm, soothing presence and a few valuing words which he could be given by no one else. Without further ado, he put his keys into the lock, knocked briefly and came in, ditching his boots away. His coat he hurriedly hung by the wrong end, devil-may-care way, impatient as he was to shed his heavy artillery (see also: winter outfit) and gain some more mobility. As soon as he was in, a wave of warm air wrapped around him and he felt relaxed hearing the very homely sounds of their home; the washing machine's little singing sounds, the ruffles of a sofa being flattened and another one he didn't hear often. In this moment, the TV blast some cartoonish jumps and death sounds. Eyebrow and interest piqued, he washed his hands and went straight for the living room.

"Hello!", a voice called, sweet and enthusiastic, yet the following words were marked by a bit of anxiety, "With you in a second!"

Rochalizo peered curiously from the corner of the wall and lay his eyes on what revealed to be quite the cute sight; on the unmade couch in the living-room, Suoh sat cross-legged, barefoot, a bohemian headscarf tied across his brow and his hair in a messy high bun. He wore a blanket around his shoulders above a patchwork shirt and long layered brown cloth trousers. His body and arms leaned towards the TV, extending the gamepad towards it, hoping — keyword — to make it more responsive. He bit on his lip, unblinking and slightly swung his legs up and down to manage the adrenaline. Entirely focused on his character's moves, his pupils traced short round trips in their eye sockets.

He was playing Mario Bros on the other's old Wii, battling against one of the bosses. Rochalizo folded arms over himself. His smile was widening as he shook his head slowly, not quite believing he was witnessing him finishing a game and conspicuously winning what’s more...

"I'll leave you to it if you're busy!", he proclaimed, amused and left, heading for the bathroom, dragging feet.

"No, no, I promise. I'm done!", Suoh shouted back, the gaming-panic raising in his voice once more.

The flat smelled of hot soup, scented oils — perhaps mud too — and painting, he thought to himself. A strange combination and that in itself wasn't so usual here if one looked at their numerous opposite interests. Those little disgusting things which brought them joy made this house seem like a wreaking-havoc-tornado mess. Other times, it was what made this house a home. But those particular smells, creamy mashed smells of sunchoke and leek as well as this odd smell of beetroot oil also alerted him of the change in season, in case the outside scenery and its host of putrid smells and brown and grey shades hadn’t been worked hard enough to have him notice.

Rochalizo opened the valve and flushed some water on his face in the bleak bathroom. The bulb had been dysfunctional since last week but none of them had had the time to take care of it until now. He soaked a cotton pad in cleanser and removed his eyeliner and eyeshadow in small strokes. He was just finished when he heard the famous winning sound effect from the living room, a cry of victory and then, the sound of something falling to the floor in a thud and fast, fast, running footsteps. He tensed in wait, nervously holding back that happy thrill and didn't turn around, pretending he was still busy. He had expected them but somehow, could never manage to predict how overjoyed they made him feel; a pair of arms wrapped around his chest and held him tight, their will to contain all of him at once made obvious. Lips pressed hearty kisses against the nape of his neck while he felt the bony hands clamp all over him. Rochalizo's legs grew as mellow as marshmallow and soon enough, his entire body had become limp; his flushed face fell on the other's shoulder. It made Suoh giggle and tighten his hold so they both wouldn't trip. He had learnt his lesson from that time they had both slipped on the bathroom’s wet floor. Chased away from their spot, Suoh's lips conquered the cheek that was closest, kissing one of the red bangs in the way.

"Days are too long without you...", he complained in a whisper, close to his ear.

"Mmmh...", Rochalizo confirmed in a small whine.

He freed his cheek delicately, turning around in his arms. Then, bumped his forehead against the other's and made the bridge of their noses rub. Suoh's shoulders in his hands brought a relief he knew he underestimated each time he left. Asking teasingly, but genuinely, Suoh's kind voice breathed:

"Are you okay? Tired?

— Just really really exhausted", the boy mumbled.

His lids closed half way on his eyes and a lazy smile carved his lips. The warmth of Suoh's body, his affection, his attention, he wanted it all. Brushing his mouth against his, he stole a long feisty kiss from Suoh which didn't take long for him to rob back. For long minutes they kissed, fingers knitted together in their respective hair. His nose whizzed quietly. It was hard to get enough; of those tingles induced when the beloved mouth opened and left a lingering feeling of watery heat, of that tenacy, meaning if he slipped a little too fast, he immediately came back for a stronger kiss and a narrower hold. When their clinch died out in intensity, Suoh's hands rubbed the other's small back vigourously. His eyes brimmed in protective fondness.

"Fancy a tea? And we have eggplant lasagna too tonight".

Rochalizo nodded sleepily and tagged along, following closely in his tracks. He still held Suoh's hand.

"You're telling me you're good at video games and cooking, now?", he chortled, "Is there some secret life class you're attending?

— I've ordered it, you crafty sneerer", replied Suoh, kissing the top of his head as he led them to their small kitchen, "I'm still as bad of a cook as you are.

— Do you remember when we almost poisoned the plumber?

— Oh my word... I do, but not happily..."

The boy's giggle lasted even as he sat around their small bar table. Watching Suoh boiling some hot water for the tea, he wagged his legs from the height as he patiently waited. He took his time to admire his slenderness from the back, feeling oddly blessed after few unpleasant sights he had caught in town. The view of certain things which did not fulfill his sense of aesthetic could get his spirits low or instill in him feelings of disgust varying in intensity. But at present, he granted with a soft look those little details, from the vapour which absconded from the teapot, Suoh's bare feet on the tiles and the chain of his pendant turned upside down, the porcelain cups which gently capsized before going still, to the yellow light on the pans drying in the plate rack and the pulled-back ginger curtains which opened up on the dark street and the neighbour's balcony's disordered chairs. In the gurgle of the kettle, the creaks of cupboards being pryed opened and the rustle of plant sacks, he felt soothed.

"There's only the Indian Masala blend left... Oh! Or mint tea!"

— Mmh? Oh, Indian please".

Suoh stopped gratting at his lips with his index and emitted a little approval sound. He sank the tea bags into their fuming cups and brought them. Meanwhile, Rochalizo had got up and set the table up, scooping large tablespoons of the dish into their plates.

"So how was your day?", inquired Rochalizo as he shoved a large portion of cheese into his mouth, as soon as he saw Suoh climbing up the chair facing him, "Looks like you stayed home".

The latter leaned his face against his folded arms. He watched Rochalizo with such a cute smile, he could not prevent his from hatching. He gave him a little kick in the knee with his own.

"Answer".

Suoh's eyelashes fluttered as he laughed. Sitting high up like this, at such a narrow table, there wasn't much space for stretching one's legs; he didn't move his knees but on the contrary, pushed them against Rochalizo's to win some room.

"I plead guilty. I had my day off. Almost!

— But studying week hasn't started already, correct?

— Yes, it'll start much later. Today was dedicated to a conference I wasn't particularly interested in, so I did some repassing of environmental law", he said, sticking his fork's tines into a steaming slice and drawing infinity signs on top of it.

Rochalizo nodded from time to time, his mouth too full to comment for now. He kept his eyes on him even as he emptied his drink in one go. The still hot pan in the sink uttered a complaining hiss as a droplet of water fell on top of it from the faucet.

"I went walking in the park too. The weather was so nice. And oh!" — he suddenly stirred on his spot and shifted on the edge of his seat, dislodging the pink cushion he sat on— I found some mimosas! And some red rosemary! It's insane that everyone passes by them without looking. I'd never seen any around here!"

As he thrillingly explained how amazing the scent they exhaled was and how he could transfer some roots in a pot, he made a move a little too broad for their small space and knocked his glass over. Rochalizo opened his mouth to mutter a warning. Before Suoh's extended palm could ever fill the distance, he jumped out to reach for it and caught it before it tumbled off the table.

"Be careful!", he said, looking quite awake by now.

Suoh hid his mouth behind his two palms, still processing what had just happened in such a short time. The other chuckled at his worried face.

"You got a little overexcited, didn't you?"

It earned a smile from Suoh who nodded and thanked him. He watched him sit back in place and carefully verify where his legs and arms came resting, wary as not to cause another accident. His self-consciousness made Rochalizo soft; it mustn't always be easy to be so clumsy with those legs and arms and so, he shifted to his side all objects likely to be knocked over. Suoh gladly spread on the table like spilled sauce and Rochalizo then encouraged him to resume talking about his day for he wished to forget about his and be entertained. His days were always so full, he got fascinated at how many activities he could fit in a regular 9 to 5.

"After the park, I ran into someone from uni with whom I never got the chance to talk more, so we had a snack together. They've opened a very nice snackbar near the mall, they serve delish Pakistanese food. Then, um... A classmate called me from the conference and tried to get me to come but I was already off home studying again. Also the Christmas shop at the hotel was open so I figured I'd drop by. I bought a few things for this year's festivities!"

Rochalizo's nodding paused and his fork fell out of his fingers, upset.

"You waited for me to go ice skating, yeah?"

Suoh smiled and pressed a hand on his arm.

"Let's go tomorrow after a field trip to the bank. Don't worry, I know you wanted to go together. I haven't forgotten.

— You had better not".

For an answer, he didn't get the protesting he'd have expected but only gentleness. Suoh's fingers on his forearm had begun playing with the tiny hair on it, stroking them slowly, messying lengthwise with their natural inclination. Rochalizo's eyes lowered on the hand. His cold palm on him felt like it weighed a ton although it was barely lain. Once again, he moved his legs in merry excitement, keeping his expression low on the table so the other wouldn't pick up on the foolish smile he was drawing out of him. Both chairs creaked and a while they were both comfortable not saying anything, smiling at or about each other.

But for cold aubergine gets rapidly inedible, he stuffed his cheeks with the last of of his dish, scrapping on the sides of his plates with his knife. After he had drunk at least half his tea, he moved out of his seat, shifting Suoh's hand as late as possibly doable and gathered his plate and cutlery althogether. Reflexively, he put his hand out to seize Suoh's too but his hand stopped mid-air upon realising it was still almost full. He didn't bother hiding the mild disquiet in his voice.

"You've eaten next to nothing..."

Suoh shoved his remark off with a glib tone of voice.

— Ah... That's because I've talked more than you".

As a matter of fact, he wasn't in the wrong, but he had used a certain tone he seldom talked with and in most cases, it was for hiding things away or making up excuses. He couldn't lie.

— But will you finish it?

— Don't bother. I'm not that hungry tonight..."

Rochalizo shook his head, wearing a hollow rictus now, a very indicting one.

"You fed me the same lie yesterday..."

He put his plate back on the table and climbed on the footrest of Suoh's chair, brought a hand closer to stroke his shoulder gently. When Suoh turned around towards him, surprised, he tentatively cupped his face.

"Come on, what's the matter?", he added, in a softer voice.

Suoh's eyes met his hesitantly. He cracked up a sheepish smile as a little air was exhaled from his mouth.

"Some existential nonsense, like you'd say.

— I don't care, I want to hear it.

— ... Alright but not now. In a bit".

Rochalizo agreed to that silently. Forcing out people's troubles generally made them feel worse and there was nothing more wrong than feeling great about yourself for squeezing the facts out of someone for the sake of being a 'good friend' giving advice. He wished he had learnt that one sooner, but at least now, he knew. Having nothing left to say, he lay a kiss on Suoh's cheek and cleared the table. Suoh kept still a moment from the high chair, hands between his legs, watching him with sweet eyes and exited the kitchen.

The dishes didn't take long but perhaps it was also his fault for not cleaning them as meticulously as he should have and drying them the bare minimum. Either way it wasn't something the other begrudged him, for he was also terrible at that task but in another way; he claimed having sensitive skin against hot water and therefore, washed the dishes with freezing cold water, stowing them still greasy. He suspected it was also laziness occasionally. Mentally reacting to those thoughts, he shrugged. As long as they no longer tasted the same... None of them was a cleaning maniac and that was for the better. With water still dripping out of his fingers, he went to open the fridge and studied its contents. A disgruntled pout made his way to his face and expressed all the death thoughts he was experiencing just now. His voice rose, sufficiently loud.

"Did you eat the last of the cake?

— Yes, sorry!", shouted Suoh's apologetic voice from the living-room, yet not sorry enough for his taste, "But we still have stewed spinach or rhubarb-quinoa shortbread.

— Are you serious right now?!

— What? They're good!"

Rochalizo sighed and stored his dessert plate back into the cupboard. Suoh's head was tilted to the left as he watched him join him and settle grumpily on the couch next to him.

"Grocery shopping. Tomorrow. Together. I'm starving", he said to his intention.

His stone-cold face made Suoh giggle.

"You just ate.

— Starving for sweet things, that's different. But I guess you wouldn't know... Or perhaps you would! Why don't you eat your cauliflower cheesecakes or whatever shit those are if they are /so/ good?!"

The other looked indignant and made a point of protesting his heart out, listing all kinds of weird, obscure vegetables one only heard once in a lifetime.

"You just haven't looked properly. I bought tons of sweet tofu and humus with blinis and jelly cardoon and manioc—

— Full offense Suoh, but I hate all of your stuff. Those are disgusting. Rabbits wouldn't eat them".

At this poor comeback, Suoh's laugh grew in intensity and suddenly, he couldn't stop laughing. He held onto the other's shoulder so he wouldn't collapse out of the couch. Rochalizo's eyebrow arched in renewed irritation and surprise.

"Ha! You... You say that... But it doesn't prevent you from blending all of my stock for your beauty skincare creams! And afterwards you smell like those 'disgusting' veggies!

— Hey! I don't!", objected Rochalizo whose face had turned a little red.

He bluntly turned away from him, pretending he was sulking. Showing he didn't buy that, Suoh's arms circled his waist gently as a last whispery giggle ushered his throat.

"You know it's true, I saw the cosmetics in the bathroom. And it's not my fault if some have a strong smell... Although not a bad one for me..."

Rochalizo sniffled vexingly, not so ready to admit he had, in fact, digged through Suoh's collection of strange unedible veggies. But the worse was that he wondered what people must have thought now... That he lived in a gutter in a country bumpkin's farm? And he had thought those things with complicated names were pretty much odourless or would be hidden by the honey and the fruit he put in it... To learn that Suoh had let him go to places while drenched in weird plant smells and had not said a thing made him quite unhappy. Hell, the moron had probably liked it as he had said.

"Come on, come back here", sweetly simpered Suoh.

But with such a lovely voice, he was winning him over and he probably knew it. Rochalizo turned around. Suoh's face still bore that sheepish smile and him that pout. Holding on to that, he leaned into his arms slowly, acting out an awkward fall of his head on his shoulder, as though still resenting. Then, as he heard Suoh's smile widening, he quit pretending spitefulness and gladly took the embrace that was being offered. Those lips against his skull peppered a few kisses and he unwinded, liking the quiet sounds they were to his ears. Vanishing under the green hair and into the warmth of his neck for the rest of the night sounded like a perfect end to this evening.

His thoughts drifted away, losing coherence as he focused on the beating of Suoh's pulse and his calm, regular breathing. The living-room felt so far in this instant and shapeless colourful footages began moving before his eyes. He was running around happily with Suoh in a mix of familiar areas all merged together in a way which didn't make much sense but that didn't occur to him immediately, not before snapping out of it. They were having fun together doing anything that seemed like a fun idea to his mind, in an order hard to define: holding hands at a cafe which brutally switched to a beach where they chatted, ran through a just-appeared-forest laughing... That seemed like a good dream to fall asleep to, yet...

"And d'you have much to do this week-end?", he nonetheless heard himself saying, plans and ideas for the following days having crossed his tired mind.

"Not really... — the long-nailed hand resumed its gentle scratching in his hair — We could plan for something fun. Something not so disorderly like my day today.

— Totally. You're really the worst at relaxing.

— That's because I don't get enough free time!", protested Suoh, smiling through a half-amused, half-offended air and proceeded to nudge the other brutishly, "Watch your mouth!

— You said you were to blame!", countered Rochalizo, lifting palms up to prove so-called innocence, "It wouldn't happen so much if you didn't fill your timetables to the limit. But... I agree you need more. They make you too busy...", he concluded with another pout in a softer voice.

— I know... I'm going to try getting rid of some things, promise. I could use some me-time..."

That last answer earned a big sneer from Rochalizo. Entertained, he moved his face up to catch Suoh's eyes and his attention. A curious look was returned.

"Did you mean /literal/ me-time?"

Past the short-lived surprise and a half-opened mouth, Suoh began laughing and his hands found Rochalizo's middle to tickle him.

"Idiot!", he articulated between bits of mirth.

Soon the other's bits of laughter and snorting joined his, imploring for him to stop. He tortured him a little while, giggling at how the other's writhed like a worm under his teasings and squalled some 'mercy' in high-pitched cries. By the end, they had both fallen on their backs, breaths heavy and inconsistent. Rochalizo's head lay on his chest and his fiery hair had gotten messier in the one-sided tickle fight.

"In fact, it's not completely dumb", added Suoh to the chaotic silent, his words still cut up by low stamina, "I could use more of /that/ sort of me-time. It's relaxing.

— See?", replied the other, chuckling a bit then looking all smug as though he was stating facts, "Also takes your mind off things. My jokes aren't bullshit.

— Oh! That's very true... The other day I did and my mood drastically improved. Also anytime after, I feel super energised.

— You get energy after?! I just get more laundry and feel like dozing off".

Suoh's giggle echoed through the room, amused by that indignant reaction, as though he had just announced he possessed a very rare and convenient superpower.

— It also gets me laundry, you know. But that's good for you too. It must help you sleep.

— Oh, it really does".

They let the conversation die out a little, eyes fluttering close and enjoying each other. From time to time, the sofa twitched as they shifted a leg or pressed closer and its springs would grind in a small rusty sound. It became evident to Rochalizo's mind that he would still have to get up and get in the shower and the perspective of his skin being in contact to water while Suoh's hot neck was so close was enough discouragement to postpone it for another while.

"And how was your day?, I didn't ask", said the other after what seemed like minutes, picking up the topic again, "You seemed like you needed at least a dinner break before talking about it..."

Rochalizo's head nodded slightly before stirring out of his arms and attempting to clear his thoughts. Important! He had almost forgotten what he really needed to ask!

Repressing a yawn, he sat cross-legged before him and began by saying it had been pretty rough from the get-go with the silent agreement — or perhaps secret strike — of all of their devices. He mentionned the multiple sewing machines breaking down simultaneously and the terrible luck in everyone needing them at the same moment. Also, that piece of clothing a device tore down because of bad maintenance. Rochalizo's funny storytelling made Suoh laugh and he asked how well they were progressing in their project.

"You could say it's alright. It wouldn't have been as fun if two or three slip-ups hadn't occured".

He tried to speak as honestly as he could while not being too serious about it nor pitying their group too much. But Suoh's tendency was kinda in the pitying of people and whether he did it as a way of empathising or being kind, he did not know but he simply smiled and said that his group had made it, that it was now okay when Suoh showed a sad-looking face and rubbed his shoulder.

Months ago, he would oftentimes get angry at that behaviour; he couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that someone would pity him. It had always sounded like mocking in his eyes and he couldn't take any befits from it. Feeling like a victim was something he would gladly not want to feel. But if in the past he'd get angry when Suoh pitied him, he'd also noticed Suoh would look upset when he empathised in his own way: joking around the issue, calling out and hating on whoever had caused the other's problems generally didn't achieve in making Suoh feel better. He would shut off in the worst cases.

It was a lovely thing to be the bystander of their hard-earned common understanding. It had been difficult in the first times, learning how the other worked and at times, walking on eggshells when trying to be genuine, feeling lost and triggering conflicts on purpose then feeling bad, or not triggering them and feeling just as bad. It seemed to him that they had matured enough and learned to show the other the type of support they needed. However, when that behaviour did not come instinctively, they could still understand that behind the other's undesired ways of empathising was an intent of care, always.

And so, when he explained how he had suggested to sew it all by himself, he still got pitied but took no offense, especially when it was followed with a good kiss on the lips.

"So did you really sew it on your own manually?! That must've required a lot of work! I get why you're exhausted now, baby..."

He shrugged the concern away, lowering and raising his eyes in a flash of hair as his wrist flew to the side.

— Yeah well... I was just ready to do it. I couldn't bear the thought of us sending over a shoddy job...

— I get your intention but I'm a bit mad at your teammates for not helping... Fools taking advantage of your kindness..."

Rochalizo's face tore into a smile, then a small laugh.

"Right! The fuckers, we should get them behind the bars"

The other's expression changed, looking as though he pondered if those vitriolic words hid a unpleasant event. Under Suoh's suddenly very worried eyes, Rochalizo quickly rectified with a smile.

"I'm joking!"

Averting his eyes then, he scratched at the back of his neck.

"It's nothing like that. I was really convincing! I told the story of how I fast-knitted your beanie when we were in the mountains this winter.

— Ah yes, that was fast. And so sweet of you. I still treasure that beanie, by the way...

Of course, this dork knew exactly how to make him blush and that wasn't something he planned on stopping. It made him look down for a second, enjoying the compliment and the honour that it was to have made something he could cherish.

— But I hope you didn't tell the whole story", tried Suoh, wincing awkwardly. "It was so stupid that I managed to catch five colds in a row during the whole trip. And mostly because... I ate ice creams in the snow with you to prove a ridiculous point..."

The other shook his head adamantly, holding back a wheeze which he needed to stop right now or he would think back to those moments and it'd take ten minutes for him to stop laughing. It was funny enough to hear Suoh get defensive as he rarely considered his pride but this was on another plane of hilarity. He could still see himself in his pyjamas, feeding his ill treasure ugly soup while Suoh gulped them weakly, wrapped in endless layers of jackets, hidden under thick blankets.

Having resumed, the story of how he sew the piece of clothing back to normal was warmly complimented by Suoh and it made him quite proud; he loved that feeling when it lasted. He also commented on his teammates' appreciations and shared how it made him feel: if he wasn't sure how well he had contributed to the group until now, he did feel that eventually, he had been able to truly help. How they seemed to have developed a more layered point of view of him since today had been nice. Not that he needed people to see all facets for him (that would be a frightening thing), but an insight in seeing him in another light was welcome. Otherwise, he said, he wasn't sure the label they would've assigned him would have been a great one.

At that, Suoh held his hands and swinged them from one side to the other, seizing his attention. He told him he needn't fear others' judgement so much, for he was wonderful. Rochalizo held Suoh's gaze for a bunch of seconds, feelig somewhat emotionally naked and he didn't enjoy that feeling when he couldn't prepare for it and especially in the midst of a fun conversation. One supposed to be without too much hassle.

"You don't have to... Get into that—

— I know! I just... Ok I won't! But let me just say one thing. Should others act terrified all the time, wonder all the time what you're thinking of them? You'd feel bad knowing they can't relax around you, wouldn't you, love? It's the same for them.

— I'm not terrified! Suoh... Just drop it fucking hell", the boy muttered, rolling his eyes and freeing his hands, "I want it off my brain, not even more inside".

This must figure among the things which irritated him the most. He knew Suoh meant well and wanted to help and he appreciated the thought. However, it sometimes was hard to stay appreciative when he didn't take the hint on him not wishing to elaborate on certain topics. For someone who was decently skilled in social situations, Suoh could be completely missing the point and come out of control when it came to identifying what was for others a sensitive topic and having the delicacy not to bring it up again. He could read a room quite well and yet... Feel the need to rectify and underline the implication of that uneasiness wished to be swept away.

At least now, looking into his eyes, he seemed to have understood why he had reacted this way. He tentatively grabbed Rochalizo's hands again and the boy let him, to show he wasn't really angry at him.

"Sorry... You're right. This isn't a good topic for idle prattle..."

The name he etiquetted it made Rochalizo giggle for it was the silliest thing. He could do nothing but forget about Suoh's faux pas in this case; he was the cutest.

"Yeah yeah. I know you'd want to go deep all the time but it's no fun. I just want to have a good time with you and laugh right now".

This was something Suoh could agree on. He nodded and as he did, squeezed his palms in his and clingily leaned his face onto Rochalizo's arms who stretched them so they could hold hands. Rochalizo felt beyond soft of heart at this point. As he shifted to slip one of his legs under his thighs, shifting closer and aiming to cuddle up, he felt something rigid scratch his skin in his pants' pocket.

"Oh! I totally forgot but they also gifted me this to thank me", he said, poking his forehead as he recalled, taking the wrapped candy bar out of his pocket and handing it to Suoh, "Do you want it?"

A large strand of green hair fell over Suoh's brow as he leaned in to examine it in his hand. The blue pupils quivered to the upper corner, likely recollecting memories, unhappy ones, given the coldness that got a hold of his face for a second. Rochalizo knew what this was about; they had been his after all, before they had become Suoh's. But unlike Suoh, he was already over it. The other's face then came back from those gloomy thoughts and distorted into a reluctant, embarrassed look.

"I'd rather you have it since you've worked hard and I didn't do anything to earn it... Plus I know you like them but... Yes, thank you".

He slowly took the candy, as though the other would proclaim he he wanted it back any moment and placed it on his side, on the low table a mere twenty centimeters away. As thanks, he leaned in again to kiss Rochalizo's cheek but when he started withdrewing, the latter held the sides of his face to prevent him from fleeing away and brought Suoh's mouth to his. He kissed his lips bit by bit, his smile broadening as his face got to brush against the other's more and more. Gladly detained, Suoh opened his mouth slightly against his lips, breathing shakily. The feeling of their mouths toying was so enjoyable, he almost wouldn't let him go and Rochalizo almost forget again what he wanted to say.

"Wait... Wait a minute", he giggled against Suoh's lips who tried pulling at his sides when he started going backwards, "I'm not done.

— You started it!"

But even though reluctant, those words had Suoh decide he would behave for a while and he moved away a little, although just a little so they still stood very close and he had an easy acess for any more kisses. His hands snaked around his waist and held him tight. This unwillingness to let him go made Rochalizo snort and he gave him a small kick in the chest before resuming.

"Err... Okay, so... To be fair, it's a huge relief to be done with all of those tedious steps and I feel like the last one is gonna be the most laid-back. 'Cause the last step now is the organisation of the fashion show. But my nerves are gonna blow up! Can you believe there'll be a whole team of professionals involved?! To promote the clothes that /we've/ designed... But... To do that... We still need someone to really highlight the clothes..."

Suoh uttered a series of little sounds as he talked, signifying he was attentive and his entire face had lit up by the time he stopped talking. Rochalizo let silence fill the room so he would understand by himself. Because... Asking so straightforwardly would certainly be a bit awkward.

"That's amazing! I didn't know you'd go so big as to have a catwalk and a production".

Obviously he'd be missing the point he was trying to bring out. Typical Suoh. He took a long breath and gritted his teeth a little.

"Innit? ... We've recruited everyone but... All we're missing is a model..."

Suoh hummed again, listening closely. Rochalizo winced.

"Come to think of it... The clothes would fit you, in my opinion".

Another bit of silence and Suoh still hadn't taken the hint, displaying this dumb smile. How could he have missed that?! He had been so smooth right now!! Was it the result of complimenting him too hard and him getting too used to it?! Rochalizo anchored his eyes into Suoh's, not averting eyes a second to try and get his point across and if he didn't this time, what the fuck. He began again, slowly, cutting out each group of words in an exasperated tone.

"We're looking for someone, and it could be anyone, who'd accept to pose in our clothes. I said I'd ask".

His insistent look seemed to confuse Suoh at first and then, a few seconds later, the blue eyes rounded up. He brought a goofy hand to his thorax in a way of questioning Rochalizo's decision and asking confirmation. Rochalizo'd head tilted to the left and timidly nodded.

"You're asking me?? To do the modelling?

— No, I'm asking the armchair behind you.

— Oh shush!", he giggled and it was his turn to kick him lightly in the chest.

Rochalizo blinked a few times, laughing internally and slowly switched to studying Suoh's face and weighing the chances of him saying yes. From his perspective, none could be as perfect as him for this role, but that opinion would definitely differ from Suoh's own perspective of himself and what he thought he was capable of. Or had time for, in fact, a parameter he hadn't thought of.

Suoh's hands brushed several red strands of hair behind his ear.

"You know... You don't need to sugarcoat things or imply them as if it's embarrassing. It's really not".

— ... Well it can be, I don't know...", muttered Rochalizo, trying to take his own defense.

— With respect to what can it be?", asked Suoh, making fun a tiny bit, "In case I say no?"

The boy's mouth lay gape, taken by surprise and looking so naturally aggrieved, as though shock hadn't given him enough time to cover it with a more nuanced expression. But it did came and very soon, he looked a little less sad and more composed. However, he spoke in a small voice which wasn't apt in hiding his disappointment.

"Is that... Your answer?"

— Oh... Baby!"

Watching him act this way, Suoh let out a laugh and found himself mirroring this very saddened face.

"You should see your face! Don't look so sad...", he breathed to him before crushing him into a tight hug.

"I'm not!! I'm really not! You're just stupid", attempted the other, hardly breathing as he was being held in such a position where his lungs were being congested.

When he let him go, Suoh put some distance between them and leaned against the large armrest, observing Rochalizo's reactions from below. He did seem to like what he was seeing since his lips twitched into a soft smile. Then, he saw Suoh lose his smile and sigh.

"What?!

— I just think it's really kind of you to suggest I do the modelling. Really flattering too. Because you wouldn't ask just anyone, innit?

— That's for sure", replied Rochalizo, looking puzzled regarding where this conversation was now going.

To see how it would unfold, he waited for the other to add something that would give hints as to what his final decision would be, but there was only silence for a moment and a Suoh seemingly lost in thought. Slowly losing his temper as he was forced into waiting, he folded his arms over himself.

"Just say no, okay? Don't pretend you might and then decline.

— I'm not trying to say no", quickly added Suoh and this had Rochalizo's mood improvely instantly again.

— Um alright.. But you know, I'm only asking if you're a fan of the idea by the way. There won't be any audience and this will be a small group, so no hundreds of indiscreete eyes... Y'know it was just an idea. I can... Um, we can totally find someone else.

— But what if I turn out useless?", said Suoh quietly, voice trailing off, a pensive finger on his lips, "I've never done it before and I'm so clumsy..."

For the first time since he had been asked, he was expressing a little insecurity. Understanding at last, the reason for his hesitation, Rochalizo felt better disposed. He shook his head and lay down besides him, between the warm body and the back of the sofa, his eyes watching Suoh with a pride and a kind of love he couldn't possibly contain.

"The way I see it, you could do anything", he said, his hands tracing long circles on his back, communicating as much reassurance as he could, "But no pressure. If you're not really, really into it, then don't".

The eyes facing him closed and he heard him sigh again, although seemingly more at peace this time. Rochalizo reflected briefly on Suoh's words. It was interesting how differently their fears were rooted, he noted. He, was afraid of judgement and in the end, how bad the external gaze would make him feel. Suoh, tended to be afraid of his own pointlessness and in sum, how bad misplaced competence or incompetence could make others feel, a perspective he often failed to understand. He admitted he didn't see the point in being useful all the time and restlesssly being what others needed could easily lead to a burnout. But Suoh often saw farther than him; he had bigger ideas, bigger plans. His efforts must be anything but wasted on a lost cause. For a moment, he kept stroking his back and Suoh relaxed under his touch, content to be spoiled with attention and reaffirmation. When his eyes reopened, they were sparkling of joy and excitement.

"If there's no one else whom I'm stealing the spot, then... I think it'd be an amazing thing to do.

— Are you sure?", said Rochalizo, feeling his chest fill up with butterflies.

Suoh's last little nods made him so happy and excited he thought he'd never be able to stop smiling. He found himself close to suggesting they raised a toast to that but remembered his hair had gotta so greasy it needed to fixed. A toast could be raised later, as they'd say good night. It was still early.

OoOoO

Wild water springed down the shower curtain and flocked into the ceramic basin. The quiet gurgling ricocheted throughout the small room, its many angles and granite recesses in the wall moving the sound away. As the white water vapour thickened, it was as though the warm lights had dimmed out and he stood in the aftermath of a flood. His ears rang softly and he tasted parched water on his tongue, sat against the cold wall of the bathroom, his open bathrobe dragging on the carpeted floor. Trying the temperature again, he dipped a finger into the thin surface of water which swirled sleepily. Under such radiance, the water had taken on the colours of honey and further inside the cubicle, those of the setting sun. Believing it was enough, Rochalizo discarded his robe which he sent flying on the clothing screen and stepped onto the wet ceramic, splashing his own ankles as he progressed up to the tap. He directed it towards him and its stream of water flushed, more spilling than he had expected and colder which drew out a slight groan from him. When the water finally turned hot enough, he slipped under the stream with much delight. He had enjoyed a few minutes to himself under hot water, heating his shivering body when he heard a knock on the door.

"What?!", he shouted through the water running and the rumbling of an overwhelmed siphon.

Suoh's voice through the wooden door was pleading.

"Can I brush my hair?"

Rochalizo reduced the flow rate a little, fixing hands around his temples so the water wouldn't pour over his ears as he did. He couldn't hear a thing.

"What?!?!

— Can I brush my hair?", repeated Suoh, a little stronger, his mouth against the wall.

— Can't it wait?

— Please, I have a big knot and it hurtssss..."

Suoh knew how to be persuasive, his little wails never missed their aim, to Rochalizo's despair. Reaching out with dripping fingers through the shower curtain, he groped for some time blindly, finding the switch first, then the lock which he unlocked rapidly. As he warmed himself up again under the stream, he heard the door open and Suoh step in. In small coughs, he fought against the vapour before Rochalizo heard the familiar repetitive sounds of the brush grooming the hair and taming it until he no longer heard its painful resistance and the staunch brush strokes which left Suoh out of breath. Rochalizo clinged to the water running, eyes shutting and his belly facing the wall. Suoh's presence didn't particularly make him uneasy, but he would still dread an unlucky occurence like the shower curtain falling by itself or blowing open. He could've relaxed a bit more, reaching the blissful state where he'd almost fall asleep in the hot water, but since Suoh was there, it inexplicably motivated him to get his shower over with. He had begun pooring shampoo into his hands when Suoh's voice reached his ears again.

"Hey... Can I come?"

Rochalizo spread the handful of shampoo on his thorax, distracted by the words. Tilting his face to the right, he nibbled on his lip, not sure if he should have felt a bit peeved or sorry.

"Not really..."

There was a thump coming from the floor and the metallic sound of something banging on it. Suoh must have sat against the heater.

"Why...?

— Heuh. You know I don't have to give you a 'why'", huffed the other whose tone was on the line between mockery and amusement for the outward discomfit Suoh was showing.

Suoh must have shifted a leg or a foot and leaned against something because he now heard him as though he was farther.

"I know...", Suoh answered as his soft laugh chimed around the room, "I'll just take mine afterwards then".

A rustle of fabric reached the other's ears and he understood Suoh had gotten up and was heading for the door. He scratched his chin, thinking for a second.

"Wait!", Rochalizo called out of the blue.

Suoh's footsteps stopped and he himself had frozed, hand on the doorknob.

"You want me to bring soap back? Or some...?", he inquired, but Rochalizo cut him off.

"No, just... Just come in if you want to.

— Really?

— Y-Yeah..."

Suoh's nails gratted against the doorknob and stopped briefly before resuming again. His voice was clear, given an inkling of curiosity.

"Why the sudden change?

— You said you needed a wash. It'd be more convenient this way", the boy muttered, rubbing his arm awkwardly.

He had been reluctant to share his peace before but it didn't matter anymore. Now that Suoh was here and that they were chatting carefreely. Suoh laughed.

"Is that the only reason?"

Rochalizo ostensibly shrugged, although Suoh couldn't see him through the curtain.

"I just... Reconsidered and thought it could be nice... If we can make it quick".

"Quick?", repeated Suoh, almost choking from the words he had seemed to find witty, "You're always accusing me of turning your showers as long as... What did you say again the other day? ... Endless monk meditations!"

The slight fluttering of cloths and arms struggling pierced through and clothes began falling to the floor. From inside the shower cubicle, he was watching the bathroom lamps keel softly as the other undressed in uncoordinated moves. Rochalizo's mouth curved as he eyed the curtain with a disgracious stare.

"You deserve it! 'Cause every time we shower together you manage to turn it into a water fight... Or shower sex. Or a four-hour-long hugging session!"

The light ringing of Suoh's belt which was being being taken off and harped on about round the room stopped. A small mouth sound of lips being parted.

"So you're not gonna hug me? I'm not coming in...", he complained.

Rochalizo huffed and shook his head, amused at this attempt of earning pity. As Suoh had moved closer to the cloth, he was beginning to see his faint shadow and watched it ondulate in indistinct strokes, sketchy like an ink-painted abstract figure a canvas would proudly wield.

"I never said that, idiot. Come".

He heard the last of his clothes hit the floor; pants first, then his underwear and next thing, his fingertips brushed against the shower curtain, then slid in. Rochalizo stepped forward, courteously putting his hand out and Suoh reached out for him to seize his fingers and guide him inside to avoid any risk of stumbling. When he lay his foot on the ceramic and slithered through the screen, Suoh's eyes caught sight of Rochalizo. The latter's face was slightly pink, framed by a mass of wet hair turned into adorable straighter spikes. Droplets poured from his cheeks and nose and his chest rose in small bouncings under the water which dripped from his slumped shoulders to his narrow waist and down his plumped thighs which skin closed around his crotch. He shied away a bit from his eyes, his flushed body from the heat slightly turned to the side. But he held Suoh's hands in his tightly, treasuring. Suoh's heart missed a beat and his lips lift up so high he thought they'd touch the roof.

'Don’t hide from me...', he wished to say in this instant, 'I love everything about you baby'. His hands freed themselves and he almost ran filling the distance between them, cupping Rochalizo's face. They brushed away a strand of hair covering his left eye and went back in place while his gaze had not left Rochalizo.

"You're cold..."

Suoh's loving eyes filled with playfulness hearing his boy state such a factual thing as gravely as though it'd be a matter of life or death that it should come to be resolved. And he giggled. His arms fell on the other's shoulders, straight and kindly enclaving, broken at the wrists.

"Oh, surely you can fix that..."

Rochalizo smiled. He emitted a small throaty sound of amusement and his hands fixed around the paler hips, loving how they came to fit so nicely into his hands and how the soft skin seemed to have been made for him to grasp. Pulling gently at them, his eyes wandered on Suoh's groin and followed the lines his hip sockets traced up to his lower-stomach and the bony curvature of his kidneys, some skin being pleated, the beauty marks below his navel, the smallest fuzz from his belly... Unconsciously as he observed, his fingers skimmed in awe the three intercrossing stretchmarks under Suoh's right hip bone which intercrossed like sea dragons or shining fish scales. He had the simplest beauty, one you couldn't get over because it was so humble and charming.

Suoh's head poked smoothly against his and as he too lowered his gaze, he smiled as he noticed Rochalizo’s gaze was swathing him, contemplating his nakedness with the blithe casualness, yet reserved admiration of someone who knew his body by heart but still felt quiet delight in observing him. Silently delighted too, Suoh’s arms unstiffened and correctly snaked around the upper back of his beloved, filling his hands with the other’s shoulder blades and traced some loving words on each side of his spine. He too, got stuck on the other’s skin, his appreciative gaze hooking on his outer thighs which water tracks irrigated, flowing by his outer thighs, swirled on the inner flesh and escaped in long gushes around knee height.

Swiftly going up again, Rochalizo’s eyes floated into his for some moments and he lost himself in an eruption of colours, those pupils round and brimming with unrushed and tranquil yearning. Rochalizo dragged him under the running water, walking backwards carefully and shifting to the side so they could both stand under it. As he once more pulled at Suoh’s hips, bringing his body warmth to him, as he had requested, Suoh wiped the water from his moled face, however quickly the water would come splash it again inevitably and kissed him.

Suoh kissed him longly, slowly, his hands brushing idly against his neck and chest, not attempting in the least to challenge time to a race. He wished to waste it all with Rochi, if you could call it waste, and see with him the unexpected early rise of the sun as they’d have wasted it so much, perhaps even miss it as they’d only have eyes for each other. They huddled against each other as closely as it was still possible for their mouths to align and for one to take in the other’s breath. The sounds of water, mightier and deeper as it rang peacefully against their ears induced a sensation of indescribable safety and the smaller drops ricocheting in the cubicle told a story in a high-pitched hummed melody.

Under the hot spring, Suoh’s newly wetted body was ran by small shivers, adapting to temperature changes and Rochalizo took good care to massage it gently, brushing the goose bumped skin away with the water which fell into his hands. The waters kept raining onto them as their smiling mouths parted and they breathed calmly through the hot vapour, finding air between the walls of liquid which dropped from their face. Lips carved into a chuckling smile, Suoh washed away again, the water from Rochalizo’s brow and his eyelids blinked, sharing a blurry, loving gaze with the other through eyelashes dotted with droplets. Rochalizo batted eyelashes, eyes growing sassy, behind their own weave of water pearls.

“So, is it fixed?”

Suoh felt his own smile grow into a mischievous smirk and nodded vigorously before uttering one single giggling sound, kissing Rochalizo’s neck and resting his head on his shoulder.

Rochalizo exhaled a little air, amused and locked arms around the thin hips after getting on his tiptoes so Suoh wouldn’t have to bend his back too much in this position. Their bodies intertwined, slipping easily since they were soaked. Suoh’s skin was now warm and so smooth Rochalizo felt like pulling fistfuls of it. Instead, he dug his nose into the green hair, in the half which had already dried a little, being less exposed. They were still for a little while, except shifting once or twice for Rochalizo to take his turn at having his back outside of the water. Soon, Suoh’s lips brushed against like silk against his neck. Those weren’t exactly kisses, he stroked Rochalizo’s skin using only lips, parting them just enough so he felt his hot breath and closing them, unpursed.

“Hey don’t!”, he protested, laughing softy, pushing him back a little.

Suoh’s face wouldn’t have looked more comical if an interrogation mark had popped above his head. Rochalizo snorted.

“But we’re just cuddling...?

— I said I didn’t want this to be long. We’ve been here for long enough already.

— Oh”.

Rochalizo could feel the thoughts squirming their way in to Suoh’s mind, as he began looking more and more disappointed despite what he probably tried not to show.

“You’ve got better things to—?

— No treasure, don’t take this personally. I’m super tired, that’s why. All I want is to go to bed”, he declared, placing a reassuring hand on his arm, punctuating his point with an authentic yawn.

Suoh’s fond smile would have been enough an answer but he walked to the shelf and grabbed the bottle of shampoo and soap. He handed Rochalizo the bar of soap and positioned behind him. His good-natued words were music to his ears.

“Okay... Let me help”.

Rochalizo agreed to that and thanked him with a kiss. While he rubbed soap on his torso and spread the surplus on his arms and forearms, he felt the cold substance being poured into his hair. Then, delicate hands roaming his skull, scrubbing more insistently at his temples, his back hair and front baby hair. Suoh resumed his gentle scrubbing and placed several kisses on his brow after having paused to rince the bubbly hair and created a screen with his hand so it would not fall into his eyes. Rochalizo found himself enjoying this head massage more than he should have, being distracted more than once by the comfort he was feeling and forgetting to pursue his washing. The absolute care and fingers fluttering around, providing strokes in places which had him relax more and more, his head slowly falling backwards sometimes drew wee sighs of relief from him.

“I like this new shampoo”, Suoh whispered, close to his flushed ear, his nose in Rochalizo’s just washed hair.

A tingle of pleasure shot through his body and Rochalizo’s eyes closed by themselve as he smiled, but tried not to smile so broadly as his lips ordered him to.

“I know right. I’m good at choosing them”.

A small snickering from behind him and two hands pulled at his shoulders, the angelic voice even more into his ear.

“Can I use it?”

Rochalizo’s brain and body battled for their rights to respectfully wince and smile which had him do all two. He could have easily urged him to use the full bottle and promised to buy him all existing versions of this shampoo when we was being talked like this so seductively...

“You can’t. It’s mine”, he still managed to say.

Suoh hummed in a low voice, as if saying that it couldn’t be helped. Noticing Rochalizo had stopped washing, he took the soap from his hands and began rubbing at his back. Rochalizo could hear his smirk in his back as he teased:

"My bad, I forgot you like smelling like nasty veggie products. There /is/ rhubarb in the mix after all.

— You!”, Rochalizo exclaimed in a loud huff, almost scandalised at, in his eyes, such a low blow.

He turned to the side and splashed a large quantity of water in Suoh’s face. Crying out in surprise, Suoh tried to block it with his arms unsuccessfully. He spat out some water to the side but as he rose his head high again, uttered this devilish giggle only he could produce, proving the attack had had little effect. Rochalizo mocked the way his hair fell miserably on his face, arrogantly looking down. He splashed another wave at Suoh who this time, raised his arms at the right height to protect himself.

“Hey! That’s not fair, you’re the closest to the spring!”

Not earning a satisfying result, Rochalizo kept sending water in his direction, his insolence growing each second, his lips twitching with conceit.

“What’s that? I feel like that’s not my problem...”

He finally aimed a little too well and, as a reaction, Suoh stopped fighting and let out a little wail. He rose his left fist to rub his right eye in a way that seemed to be quite painful.

“C’mon, stop pretending”, Rochalizo said, raising an eyebrow, but nonetheless not daring to send any other big waves

He splashed a little water at Suoh’s legs, careful as to hit an insensitive spot. Yet Suoh’s silence remained and he began doubting himself.

“Hey... I know you’re playing. T’was just stupid water, it can’t hurt”, he carried on, although his voice was riddled with doubt and he couldn’t refrain from stepping closer to check on him and put his hand out towards him.

He knew he shouldn’t have let down his guard when he heard Suoh’s evil laugh again and then felt his arm being grabbed so hard he was pulled in the opposite direction while Suoh rushed to the shower jet, stealing his place.

Rochalizo was fast to turn around and rush after him but that wasn’t fast enough for he got struck by the water jet head-on. Suoh laughed at his screams of panic and they swirled around for a while, bumping into each other as Suoh tried keeping the jet out of reach and Rochalizo extended his arm as far as he could to try and catch it.

“Give it back!

“Come and get it then!”

Rochalizo had decided to do just that and he leaned in once more, attempting to pull and perhaps pinch Suoh’s to make him let go but Suoh was suddenly propelled forward, shouting in panic. In this mess of hair and arms flying, he collided with Rochalizo who, having lost his balance, stumbled backwards, screeching wildly. Rochalizo hit the floor first, in a loud choked breathing out, then the other crashed on his chest and both exhaled pained whines.

Almost immediately, Suoh asked if he was hurt, his voice rising and getting higher as he worried the impact might have been too brutal for Rochalizo. Once the shock over, the latter looked him dead in the eye, his face grave and stone cold. Then, he burst out laughing. Suoh’s face crumpled and he laughed along. It was absurd, to be lying here in stagnant water and to have slipped in a surface that was supposed to be wet.

“Gosh, you’re so clumsy... Is that a challenge for you to fall in every place you possibly go to?

— I didn’t do it on purpose!”, protested Suoh, cackling as he pretended to be offended for not more than a second.

Rochalizo’s nose wrinkled in both irritation and amusement. Then irritation took over momentarily when a droplet of water fell from the faucet on top of his nose. Suoh simply smiled and wiped the droplet from his nose. With his index and middle finger, he softy grated at Rochalizo’s chest, looking down shyly, then, meeting his gaze, triumphantly as the water jet continued pouring on Rochalizo.

— So... Looks like I’ve won this little fight...”

The other’s eyebrows rose, looking annoyed already. His mouth opened slightly and then closed, some trails of the liquid dripping on his chin. Suoh began considering a little too late how puffy Rochalizo’s cheeks had gotten and couldn’t brace himself for what followed. Unexpectedly, Rochalizo spat all the water from his mouth into his face. A bothered moan escaped Suoh’s throat and he then looked down at Rochalizo, his face trickling with water and saliva which sent the boy on his back again, laughing.

Ugh...”, Suoh sighed, but he was more amused than exasperated.

“I win this one”, Rochalizo corrected, stroking Suoh’s cheek, his eyes still tearing up with mirth.

“Alright. You win. Have your immature victory.

— You’re one to talk...”, Rochalizo replied, through non-stop giggling.

“Yeah... I’m one to talk”, murmured Suoh, feeling soft and he leaned in to kiss his philtrum.

Rochalizo’s giggled slowly got muffled in his throat and his hand brushed and got lost into Suoh’s hair as he was being kissed, waiting for his time to return the gentle pecks and soft brushing of lips. Suoh leaned on his elbows to gain more stability and stared at the boy, his eyes merry and tender.

“So... Didn’t you want to go? I know you love lying in used water but...

— Who taught you to be so sarcastic!”, commented Rochalizo, biting his lip hard as he tried not to start laughing again, cheeks hurting from the wheeze he contained.

Suoh’s face leaned into him, mischievous yet still too kind. Because it was him after all, and however harsh the irony, he could never make it seem like those words were truly mocking. Suoh looked him dead in the eyes and shrugged his shoulders innocently.

“Beats me........”

Rochalizo teeth still dug his lip and he got carried into further bits of laughter.

Suoh joined in him in the laughing and then, shifting, he let himself fall to the side and helped them get back on their feet. At this point, Rochalizo had gotten sluggish and on the verge of dozing off. Making sure he hadn’t gotten too cold, Suoh rinsed Rochalizo's body with hot water, as a way to warm him up and get him clean again. Then, almost pushed him out of the shower and wrapped him in his bathrobe while Rochalizo complained in faint protests, although he didn't notice it for the first five minutes that Suoh had put it on inside out. During that time, Suoh proceeded to dry his hair to a minimum with the hairdryer. He left him on the doorstep, slightly confused, while he, went back inside to finish his own shower.

#rochalizo #cotw #children of the whales #children of the whale #kujira no kora #knk #les enfants de la baleine #kujira no kora wa sajou ni utau #suoh #rohalito #suou #kujira no kora fanfiction #cotw fanfiction #modern au #college students au

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simpleenthusiast · 4 years

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Chapters: 1/5 Fandom: Fallout 4, Fallout (Video Games) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Piper Wright/Overboss Colter, Piper Wright/Mason Characters: Piper Wright, Mags Black, William Black (Fallout), Nick Valentine, Female Sole Survivor, Overboss Colter (Fallout), Mason (Fallout 4), Sole Survivor Aubrey Wilson Additional Tags: Whumptober 2020, Torture, Implied/Referenced Underage Summary:

Piper is kidnapped from Diamond City, and discovers a looming new threat to the Minutemen after the Commonwealth Faction War. But will she survive long enough to get home and warn their General?

#whumptober2020 #no.1 #waking up restrained #shackled #fallout 4 #fallout #fanfiction #tw graphic depictions of violence #tw rape #tw noncon #SE writes #SE challenges #SE COTW

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alison-anonymous · 5 years

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Crush of the Week!!!

GUYS AHHHHH I'M BRINGING BACK A NEW FLAME I HELD SO MANY YEARS AGO...

This week's Crush of the Week is...

Killian Jones

Yep! From Once Upon a Time, this pirate has had me captivated for a VERY long time. He's the main reason why I continue to watch the show! Let me know if you think I should write a little something for him 😉❤

♡ a.a.

#ouat x reader #ouat fanfiction #ouat #once upon a time #killian jones #killian jones x reader #captain hook #captain hook x reader #cotw #crush of the week #crushoftheweek

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yourmajestythequeenn · 6 years

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Confessions: Chapter 2

Confessions Chapter 2 - Avoiding Thorns

Summary: Rose Weasley's story has been lain out for her even before birth. expected to stay on the path of good, the path that her parents helped carve years earlier. But that is the story of Rose's parents. Little did Ron and Hermione expect their daughter to take part in a separate journey, one that began similar to theirs... With the enrollment to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Rose Weasley is immediately divided away from the Malfoys with the understanding that they were not to interact. Now currently attending the boarding school for her final year, a unanticipated change sends her in a tail spin. Perhaps it was the trouble they always got wrapped up in. Perhaps the silently mutual, rebellious message to change tradition. Or perhaps she simply succumbed to her emotions. Despite the reason, Rose discovers to her own surprise--and her family's disgust--that she has slowly but surely fallen for her enemy.

Pairings: Rose x Scorpius, Albus x OC

Warnings: Swearing

Confessions Masterlist

Em’s Masterlist

5 years later…

"Mr. Malfoy and Miss. Weasley, you will both be serving detention for a week with Professor Longbottom in the Herbology greenhouse."

McGonagall drops two enormous files in front of us, our very detailed records. Dumb-shit over here and I have had a lot of problems over the past few years.

"You two will never grow up, it’s always something. You’re in your sixth year, it’s about time you grow up and leave the past in the past," McGonagall grumbles filling out the detention forms. "I should owl your parents for this!"

This time we…err…accidently let out some Cornish Pixies while we were attempting to hex one another. Anyway, the pixies kind of…sort of… hung some first years by their knickers off the astronomy tower.

It was NOT my fault!

McGonagall’s face turns hard as stone, just like it always does before she starts lecturing us on getting along. She’s a frightening woman when she gets angry; I should know.

I slump in the uncomfortable wooden chair placed in front of McGonagall’s enormous desk. I turn my head and glare at the albino weasel next to me. "Next time you two get at it, Miss Weasley do not give me that look, I will put you both in detention for a year, remove both of you from your respective Quidditch teams, and bar you from all privileges. Do I make myself clear?" McGonagall looks as if shes going to have an aneurism by the way she’s leaning over the giant oak desk shouting at us.

"Yes Ma’am," squeaks Malfoy. I nod rapidly, too furious to speak.

"You are dismissed," she says, and we scamper out of that office faster than Harry Potter’s broomstick. Once we’re out Malfoy stops and turns to me his arms crossed over his chest.

"Nice going Weasley," he sneers, silvery blue eyes ablaze.

"Hey, it was your hex that let out those bloody pixies, not mine!" I snap, walking past him. I need to get away from ferret boy before something happens…again.

"Don’t you walk away from me, Weasley." He easily matches my quick pace. "We are not done!"

"Yes, we are!" I turn a corner abruptly and duck under a tapestry. A ton of them have secret passages, this one in particular led to the Gryffindor common room. I wait for a moment, sitting on the damp ground in the unusually circular tunnel, waiting for Malfoy to pass on.

"Weasley!" I hear him shout my name. "We are NOT done, where the fuck are you?" He yells my name again.

I roll my eyes at his daftness. It was a good thing that James had shared the secrets of the Marauder’s Map with me. I hear Malfoy’s footsteps recede. I stand, ducking my head in the grimy tunnel and slowly creep along the cavern back to the Gryffindor common room.

"Rose, thank Merlin you’re here!" I hear Al call out to me from the center of the Common Room. His face wore a look of relief; in his hands was a bundle of parchments.

"What is it now?" I groan, sliding onto an empty couch, patting the cushion beside me.

"Can you please help me with my Transfiguration essay?" he looks at me with puppy dog eyes and pouts his lip dramatically.

I just about love him to death. But right now, I'm not in the mood, due to the... events that occurred today.

"Absolutely!" I growl sarcastically, "I’ve just had a bloody brilliant day! Malfoy and I got at it again, we got chewed out by McGonagall for letting Pixies escape and hang first years by their knickers off the astronomy tower. Then I had to come up here by a bloody secret passageway and now I have blisters on my feet!" I say mockingly excited, "Of course I’ll help you!" I clasp my hands together.

"Really?" He sounds so hopeful that I roll my eyes. Sarcasm isn’t Albus' specialty.

"I'm sorry Al, not tonight." I sigh, marching up the stairs to my dorm.

"Aw, come on Rosie…please! What happened?" he calls up the stairs to me.

We’re best friends; I can’t keep anything from him. My anger dissipates on hearing his pleads.

I turn back around to Al. "Why can't I ever say no to you?" I huff.

He gives me a small smile and shrugs his shoulders.

"Tell me what happened," he questions, placing an arm around my shoulders and we sink onto the floor in front of the massive fireplace.

"Well… I have detention with Longbottom for a week, I might get kicked off the Quidditch team, and banned from all non-mandatory extracurricular activities,"

A hard lump obstructs my airway and my voice breaks, I bury my head in my lap. I can’t get kicked off the Quidditch team, it’s way too important to me. Besides I’m the best Seeker Gryffindor has seen since Uncle Harry, or so I've been told.

"Shhh, Rosie, don’t cry. I won’t let you get kicked off the team." Al hugs me. "And that Malfoy is a fucking part, don’t go near him!" Al is super overprotective of me, he acts like the older brother I never had.

"You sound like my Dad," I smile weakly as Al tries to cheer me up.

"If you don’t get into Gryffindor, young lady I’ll disinherit you, no pressure," he mimics sending me into a fit of giggle. I still can’t believe Dad actually said that to me on the morning I first went to Hogwarts.

I give him a playful shove, a final laugh escaping my lips.

"Hey!" He exclaims pushing me back.

"Hey, yourself," I push him harder, and he scrambles away.

"Get back here Potter," I growl.

"Make me..." A mischievous glint shines in his eyes.

"Potter, I’m counting to three and if you’re not here I will personally tell your mother that you got detention last year for setting Juliet Wood’s robes on fire," I say authoritatively. I know that will get him to shut up.

"Whoa Red, what are you telling our mother!" James declares as he saunters down the stairs.

"James, stop calling me that, first off. And secondly, it’s none of your business." I place my hands on my hips.

"What’s with her?" James asks Al as if I’m not here.

"Got detention with Malfoy again," he shrugs.

"Ha, again! Why?" He asks Al.

"Pixie incident," Al laughs, "Some first years got hung by their knickers off the astronomy tower."

"You do realize that I'm still here?" I question them.

"Yeah..." James gives me a sideways look, not realizing his rudeness.

I've had enough stupidity for one day, so I turn on my heel, and march up the stairs again.

"Boys!" I mutter exasperated.

"See you later Red," calls James. I swear I’m going to strangle him if he calls me that one more time! Does anyone know where I can find a paralytic curse?

"Oh, and by the way, Quidditch practice is at five!" Al calls after me.

I jam my helmet over my messy bun, grab my Whirlwind 360, and march out the snitch-decorated door onto the Quidditch pitch.

"Oi, Rose nice of you to join us!" I hear Al yell to me from the air.

"Sorry!" I yelled back. I’m the last to arrive at practice, I had a bit of trouble finding my gear…I know! I’m an unorganized mess! If it wasn’t for Al helping, well more like forcing me to clean my part of the dorm; I don’t know what I’d do! Probably live like a hoarder!

I hop on my broom and take off to where our team is huddled; well you can’t ‘huddle’ very well when you’re flying on a broom. Anyway, Al was barking out our practice schedule for the week leading up to the first game of this year, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin.

"Weasley!" Al snaps at me.

Whoa Al, did someone Quaffle you on your head?

"Yeah?" I roll my eyes at Al, who looks like he’s on the verge on some kind of breakdown.

But unfortunately, this is normal. Well, for Quidditch practice anyway. Al likes to win, no sorry, I lied. Al loves to win. So that means long, hard practices four times a week. But even for Al he looks a bit touchy.

"Fifteen laps around the pitch, Rose" Al commands.

I was late! It’s not like I blew up the pitch!

"I need my Seeker in tip top shape for the game, and after you’re done with that I want to see The Wronski Feint!" Al continues.

But at this point I’m not really interested in his ranting. I look around at my teammates… everyone looks uninterested in Al’s rantings, going around the circle I count off everyone. The two beaters are the twins Lorcan and Lysander Scamander, Chasers Al, James, and Trevor Wood, and our keeper Roxy. Then me, the Seeker, Yeah, most of the team is related, but it keeps things interesting.

"Weasley! Are you even listening to me?" I glance back at Al, his bright green eyes overflowing with annoyance.

"Fifteen laps Al, really?" I groan.

"Yes, fifteen Weasley, everyone on your toes! Go!" Al exclaims, blowing a plastic whistle.

Yes, a whistle, a bloody whistle.

I fly my broom down to the grass, while everyone else starts drills.

I lay back panting, flat on my back after fifteen laps around the pitch, it’s a hot day and my clothes are soaking with my sweat.

I’m dead…

I’m slowly dying…

I loathe Albus Severus Potter…

Everyone else is up there doing passing drills!

"Hey Red! Whatcha’ doing? Killing time?" I hear James shout at me.

Yes, James exactly.

"No," I pant, rolling my eyes

"Then what are you doing?" He hovers above me on his broom, grinning.

"Dying…" I moan. I manage to sit up with a bit of struggling and a lot of resistance from my screaming muscles.

"Can I help with that?" James smirks.

"Yeah, tell that brother of yours to..." I snarl, only to be cut off…

"Weasley!" Al shouts at me, once again blowing that stupid whistle "On your toes, I need to see those Wronski Feints."

"Not a chance in hell, Potter" I whine at him. My legs are wobbly, as I try and walk to my discarded broom.

" I need my team to beat Slytherin on Saturday and I’m sure you would love to beat Malfoy," Al dismounts from his own broom, scooping up my own and handing it to me.

My mind jumps at the thought of rubbing Malfoy’s defeat in his face, a smirk grows on my face. I straddle my broom stiffly, my muscles aching as I push off the ground.

"That’s my girl!" Al chuckles joining me in the air.

After practice was finished I could hardly move. But it would all be worth it when we won on Saturday. Although, I believe Al’s competitive problem is worsening, but then again, his mother is Ginny Potter.

I can hardly make it to the locker rooms; it’s not fair, Al didn’t half kill everyone else on the team.

The cold water from the shower cools my burning muscles. I quickly towel off reaching for my bag of fresh clothing, Roxanne has just stepped from a steaming shower stall when the door thuds open.

"Hey girls, just so you kn-…. OH SHIT SORRY," James’ voice announces. A chorus of shrieks and swearing insures, I pull the towel off my head to cover my naked body.

Shock registers on James’s face for a second before he shields his eyes, backing out yelling, "Meeting. Common Room. Eight."

I bury my head in my red and gold striped towel to hide my embarrassment and shock. "Oh my Merlin, that did not just happen!"

"James will never hear end of this," Roxy exclaims her face just as red as my own.

I hope you enjoyed my second installment of Confessions!

I’m so excited to breath life back into this fic!

Please comment and reblog if you liked it! and give me a follow if you want to read more!

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allegrabanner · 4 years

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Character study of Neri and Áima, pre canon

#aima cotw #neri cotw #cotw #children of the whales #kujira no kora #kujira no kora wa sajou ni utau #knkwsnu #falaina #mud whale #nous #ao3 link #ao3 #fanfiction

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chrononautintraining · 7 years

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Fanfiction to make you cry: catharsis when the world has gone awry

Shit’s been getting a little too real lately, and I need to lose myself in pages upon pages of angst based on wonderful, adorable characters so lost in their own low self esteem that they don’t realize their own worth. Not, you know, death and pain and real world violence. With the exception of the first story, these are all fics that make me cry, but manage to bring it back around to a happy ending.

End of Eternity by forgetme is a quick 3k of Naruto gen focusing on what it is like for a very physical character to age and lose his ability. Makes me cry every time.

Jeeves and the Uncommon Senses by Mice is a lovely Sentinel AU wherein Jeeves and Wooster deal with the sudden onset of sentinel abilities. Featuring pain, early twentieth century hospitals, soul bonding, and true love. 83k to sink your teeth into.

Simply Ray by Ardent is a due South story. 80k of post CotW Ray K/Fraser dealing with the inborn fear of not being enough to satisfy a partner or keep him happy.

This, You Protect by Owlet focuses on Bucky Barnes from the Captain America movies as he breaks free of the mental conditioning that Hydra forced upon him. Barely managing to keep himself together, he stalks Steve, protecting him from the shadows. 64k of pure awesome, later works in the series are Steve/Bucky.

To Find Our Long Forgotten Gold by Wealhtheow21 is 230k of gen Hobbit AU where Kili lost his childhood to slavery. It deals with the Company trying to reacclimate him to common speech, and Bilbo specifically teaching him to be free. It is so deliciously angst ridden, especially later works in the series that are from Kili’s point of view.

Your Inevitably Unhappy Ending by Helenish is Stargate:Atlantis after the gate to Earth has been lost. 14k of McShep as they struggle to survive in the Pegasus galaxy. Gloomy and realistic, with a hopeful ending.

#Chrononautical reads #fanfiction recommendations #Naruto #jeeves and wooster #due South #captain america #The Hobbit #stargate atlantis

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royalefrost · 8 years

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You put out a post saying that you have read nearly every jelsa fic, as a point of interest, have you seen Child of the Winter Solstice?

…by windstruck07 on ff.net who also wrote my favorite amongst all my favorite Jelsa fanfictions ever written since the birth of this fandom— an Angel!Elsa and Demon!Jack AU? Heck YES!

I don’t exactly remember everything about CotWS cos it’s been ages since the author updated, unless I skim the last chapter. BUT I do remember every single detail on her other story, Totentanz. I swear I read it at least once a week! I bookmarked it and constantly pray to God that the 4th chapter be posted already. He he he

#scyrus42 #jelsa #I know this is about CotW BUT I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!!!!#Totentanz pleeeease #ask

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piece-of-cheese · 27 days

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Is writing minor characters interacting totally my thing?

Absolutely!

I very much enjoyed writing this. I love writing about Amonlogia, and how I think things are like there (aside from the stuff we already see in the manga, of course).

I also very much enjoy exploring the relationship between Rochalízo and his brothers.

So I did that, but in a diffrent way ;).

#children of the whales #cotw #kujira no kora wa sajou ni utau #cotw fanfiction

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piece-of-cheese · 2 months

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Hello COTW fandom, guess who wrote over 12k words?

It's me!

Writing over 12k words for a niche fandom with two characters in the focus which aren't even all that popular? Absolutely! Even if it's just for my own personal entertainment.

Maybe someone here can enjoy it.

The main focus of this fic is exploring a potential friendship between Kalamári and Atsalí, but it also includes some Itia, Orca and Kannavi related feelings. Also, grief.

#children of the whales #cotw #cotw fanfiction

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commander-orca · 3 years

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You were the child a shooting star blushed upon and so... It left you a gift (2)

Note: AAAAAAA. This chapter took so long because I had lots of tedious exams to study for and then came the Christmas gatherings and it's been hard to find time to write. I hope you'll like it

CHAPTER 2/? probably out of 3 or 5

"Rochi? You're up?"

Rochalizo turned his head to the right, twisting his own neck so he could look behind his shoulder. The position asked for much uncalled-for stiffeness and tension in his tendons and he turned to the other, shifting his body for his eyes to meet the voice. A vague shape stood in the unlighted living room's entrance, the whiteness of it contrasting neatly in the dark. Even as it had come to a standstill, it was as though it hovered the room in slow, subtle top-down floatings in its white baggy short-sleeved pyjama shirt and its pants just as baggy. His pants which had turned a soft yellow-white, having been put in the wrong pile of laundry. Puffy from the drying, his hair bloated around his shoulders and cheeks, slightly wavier than usual and shining humbly in the pitch black spot, if it wasn't for the far table lamp and the inefficient light in the corridor. As a result, his right leg and the same side of his face was coloured in the shade of a drowsy sun.

"God, you scared me...", breathed Rochalizo, in relief after a mild feeling of panic, "Um... Why d'you look like this?"

— 'Like this'?

— You look like the Ghost of Christmas Past".

Suoh's eyes shone with playfulness and he walked up to him, his rubber slipper soles squeaking slightly on the wooden parquet. It became obvious half way-through, that he had swollen the sound himself.

"I've come to haunt you, Ebenezer".

He joined him on the grey couch, chuckling, throwing an arm around his beloved who also chuckled at their shared little reference and poked his nose into Suoh's chest. The latter looked cheery although it was blatant he was confused as to why Rochalizo was here. But Rochalizo didn't intend to answer at first; he only took it as opportunity that Suoh was here to huddle against him joyfully.

Suoh hugged him back tightly, smiling foolishly at this half-smirk Rochalizo had just done. One he usually eyed him with when he anticipated the cuddles he would himself come get and it was stupid and adorable in Suoh's eyes. Because he smirked like a first-time-rule-breaker. Perhaps this couldn't be helped considering the way he had been raised, the displays of affection in their family seemingly as rare as frequent had been the fear. His hands tightened a little around his hips which were bare, where his Planet of the Apes pyjama shirt fell too short. He hoped that one day, he would no longer associate warmth with forbiddings and shame. Or exceptionnal luck, an opportunity of which only occured once in while.

As soon as Suoh returned the embrace and peppered kisses all over his face, Rochalizo's body began slipping slowly against the large armchair. It didn't get uncomfortable; they both provided support for each other's backs and the large cushion was mellow. His view had gotten limited to the ceiling and the stains on the upper walls before his thoughts even notified him he was all slumped. Suoh's body, still preciously held against his breathed calmly, puffs of air blowing on his clavicles. He, solely moved when strictly needed, as he would've felt bad disturbing this moment. And he wished it would have lasted forever. It was simple, so terribly simple. But Suoh's puffy and already tangled hair which fluttered in the draught stirred up by his own small exhalations caused his throat to tighten. And, the sound which reached his ears as he treaded fingertips through them to massage his head knotted the twist in his stomach even deeper.

"Hey... Why aren't you sleeping?", whispered Suoh's voice a little above his jaw, his hair flipping in his face was still warm from the hairdryer.

Rochalizo was about to tell exactly the reason why; he was so tired, he couldn't sleep and perhaps the remaining stress of the day still filled him with adrenaline and so, he hadn't been able to. But he then remembered something else. He had been wanting Suoh to explain why he had been eating so little for the past three days. He felt suddenly bad for neglecting this matter as it was something he had noticed quite early on, ignored at first and then, had kept on forgetting to bring it up. Knowing Suoh, it was unlikely that he would bring it up himself. And so, he lied. He didn't feel proud of it either for he genuinely loathed exercising dishonesty with Suoh but...

"Because... Earlier, after dinner, you told me you'd explain... That existential thing...?"

Suoh tensed in his arms and for a second, from the light push in his elbows, Rochalizo thought he'd get up and leave. Exit the lounge, walk blindly through the narrow corridor and flee to their bedroom, walling himself up in their little reading spot. But had he perhaps intended to, he did no such thing and began relaxing again against him after a while.

"So?", the other pressed him, nudging him a little.

He wasn't particularly bothered by listening — he liked it actually especially when it came to observing behaviour on the whole — nor was it waiting for the pieces of information to collide one by one, slowly, as the other would take his time to tell. But with no element whatsoever, he had nothing to work with. Without the necessary tools, he was getting frustrated at his own incapacity to begin reasoning and finding a few solutions.

Suoh's head popped up from his neck and suddenly hung above his face, close by one or two matchsticks. He gave him an awkward smile, a fake one, even if quite genuinely kind.

"What? Oh... Was I too direct again?"

They had talked about this before. Of Rochalizo's blunt honesty and of Suoh's more delicate approach. It wasn't as much of a problem as it had been at the start of their relationship. In certain situations which had called for them to try helping, for every comforting word Suoh had offered, Rochalizo would have wished to hear about a remedy, a quick fix. The opposite was also true: offering solutions was not what Suoh yearned for; he was better off with being lent a sympathetic ear. Comfort with their personal methods generally left the first one in a state of stress having not been advised, while the second was left upset because he felt unheard and dictated commands. These days, — and said days must be dating back to a few months now — they were able to navigate conversations without risking rasping against each one's feelings too badly.

Suoh did nothing but smile again but he looked away this time, avoiding answering the question. He kissed Rochalizo's forehead and admitted, in a timid whisper:

"I don't know how to start".

Rochalizo's eyes sparkled as he made eye contact with him again.

"Wait give me a sec, I'll google random first line generator".

Suoh giggled, bending over towards Rochalizo's face as he laughed and then falling back in place.

"No, I meant... I meant... Oh be quiet, you know what I meant. You're teasing..."

The boy uttered a few quiet laughs too, enjoying that flustered smile which had arisen on Suoh's face and yet this embarass best balanced with ease now as the corners of his lips wouldn't come down. Rochalizo knew Suoh didn't alway like when he was made to laugh while he hadn't planned to and had intended to keep serious instead. He could get upset and he had in the past, because it was not how he liked to talk about important matters. He desired gentle words and thought certain conversations required that one keep a straight face. This was why Rochalizo tried not to overdo it. But despite what Suoh thought was appropriate or not, he could tell that this one joke had made him a little more comfortable and a little less self-conscious.

Rolling to the side, he lay down beside Rochalizo, their shoulders and ribs touching. He grabbed his hand in his, as he often did when he wished to confess something and trusted the other person to make him feel good enough. He waited until Suoh would be ready and the right words to describe what he felt thought up and his sentences made. In the street below, a few cars passed by in a racket and some sound of flushed water went down the pipework and throughout the walls. When there was nothing again, he acutely realised the silence had fleshed out. Next to him, Suoh's hands were moving in rapid fidgetings and his mouth churned.

"Hey... I'm not gonna laugh at it you know", reminded Rochalizo, who was getting a bit concerned, "Just say it. Even if you think I'll think it's dumb".

His mouth opened but Suoh's words were sealed, as it seemed. For some reason, he still lacked the confidence that his words would be well received. Or he thought himself crazy right now, believing he was making a fuss about nothing, or being the only one feeling a certain way, which the other doubted, very much. Rochalizo moved on the couch so he could lie on his side and place his weight on his elbow. In a timid pout, he asked, imagining it could help:

"You want hugs?"

He must have found the right thing to say because Suoh's face lit up by a little and he shifted closer, rubbing his face onto Rochalizo's chest and pressing further even as Rochalizo's arms had wrapped around his shoulders. His breath was warm and sneaked through the other's shirt, on his thorax, so much so that that patch of skin of his under it had gotten equally warm. Rochalizo couldn't reach his skull for a kiss in this position but his hands roamed his upper body, stroking the nape of of his neck and his shoulder blades with the flat of his palms, aiming to pamper as much skin as he could. Under such relaxation, Suoh moved up and a tiny bit away, in a way which let their gazes interweave if he wanted to, but the closeness of which also allowed some looking away. He still lay in the other's arms and his eyes lowered as he began speaking.

"The thing wrong with me is that, I feel like... I'm not cut for this world sometimes..."

The other watched him, analysing. The emotional impact of those words hit him too. Not by a lot, however still more than he would've expected. What he was particularly cross about was the absurdity of this statement. He failed to see how Suoh would even come to this conclusion, the leads of which were either far-fetched or ridiculous. Rochalizo's head began shaking in disbelief.

"Get out..."

Suoh bit his lip, sucking in a little air.

— Not in all things, Rochi but... I feel like a stranger sometimes to... To what I should be... And like everything I do is shattered by my own fault"

Rochalizo's brow frowned. He pressed the bridge of his nose with a hand he freed and massaged it before sliding it back around Suoh's shoulders.

"I promise I'm trying really hard to follow, but you're being very vague".

This remark had the merit to wrench a small smile out of Suoh's before it disappeared and he looked stolid again, almost sad. His right hand came grasping at the front pocket seams of Rochalizo's shirt.

"There are so many things I'd like to do... I want to make a positive change somewhere... For someone or something... I want to be of help... But there are so many things going wrong, I... I feel overwhelmed..."

As his tongue loosened and the words, finally allowed out flied from his mouth, Rochalizo focused, operating small nods for himself. The pieces of the puzzle assembled and he thought he could now begin to see clearly what had been bothering him.

"I try to... Stick to one thing, but even in one I see so many things requiring attention and I'd like to offer my help for everything and yet... I burn out so fast and I hate myself because after only a while... I want to give up and go home. I'm not helping anyone the way I am".

But the more he talked and the more he got agitated. Fed by each thought accompanying his speech, his breath quietly wheezed between words, cutting them in halves at times as though he was choking himself out of oxygen. Not only his hands, his body felt fidgety against his and the bitterness in his voice added a worrisome coarseness to that tone. Eyes that didn't return the gaze were open wide. He was panting.

"I really... Do my best to listen to people's feelings but... I always turn out useless because I get so quickly filled with all of their feelings... And they stick with me for days... I can't do anything until those feelings leave me... I can only overthink... I wish I could just... Bury my feelings into the ground. I'm not of any use... It's as though... It's as though it's all pointless... If I didn't exist it'd the same... I'm not making any difference... I'm..."

At this point, Suoh had begun shaking and his breath was hissing. Rochalizo cut him off by grabbing his arm to pull him closer. It seemed to him that as he was shifting far away into those terrible thoughts, he had also gotten physically father. Filled with a sense of dread, he watched Suoh open his mouth, praying for air which didn't enter his mouth, given the number of times he heard him gasp and his chest heave while he, was forcibly made to gag as though he would puke. His arms, tightening around him in a way which must have hurt were hot and sweaty; a trembling clammy hand gripping onto Rochalizo's forearm proved his entire body must have been.

"Hey... Hey Suoh... Come back", he entreated him, crushing him into a hug and stroking his back vigourously, in the hopes that it could calm him down.

How had that happened? Suoh had started alright. He was talking and... And almost without a transition he had spiralled into... A nervous breakdown? A panic attack? He wasn't sure what it was, but he himself was getting terribly anxious. Fortunately, he was recognising the symptoms since he had already had panic attacks. And to double their luck in their misfortune, he knew Suoh knew them too for he sometimes talked about how he experienced his panic attacks — which was a weight off their shoulders because he wouldn't worry at the newness of the situation, mistaking it for a heart attack as some did. This wasn't the first time Rochalizo saw him under severe stress. But it was the first time he saw him in the middle of a crisis and merely looking at him made him feel like his guts were liquefying. Rochalizo tentatively waved a hand in front of his face, thinking it might help make up for the missing air but eventually feeling like an idiot.

Shaking like a leaf, Suoh looked like a mess, panting all the while, his nails sank into the other's arms. He snuggled up to Rochalizo desperately, shrivelled like dry fruit and some sniffling had begun punctuating his breathlessness. Rochalizo sadly wondered if he had begun to cry. He wouldn't ask nor check but his heart was in pieces. Clenching teeth, he exhaled painfully and his hands wrapped around Suoh. He began rocking him gently, stroking his hair. He tried as best as he could to gloss over the fact that he could feel Suoh's jaw opening and closing against his chest as he perhaps tried to get himself to stop crying if he was, or breathed out long groans that he made sure to keep silent.

"Suoh... Treasure..."

He recognised not being able to see how he had decreed that he was useless and how such a situation caused him distress. However he could understand how Suoh could feel terrible in such a restricted moral stance. Working himself towards an ideal of greater good to exhaustion and (unjustly) dedicating all of his time... What he could see on the other hand, was that he had been ruminating those dark thoughts lately and that presently, — no matter how Rochalizo couldn't fathom that — the idea of his efforts amounting to nothing to serve others caused him to hurt a great deal. Suddenly, he felt fear about the possibility he might not be able to help Suoh get through this. He began regretting having addressed the topic. But... Looking at his face marked by pain, he was sure Suoh must've carried this burden for too long than it was healthy to and the prospect that this discussion might be the release point for him made all thoughts of regret disappear.

"It's gonna go away. I'm... I'm not leaving you, okay?", Rochalizo whispered, his voice faltering a little, but trusting his words would carry his care, his fingertips coaxing Suoh's neck cervicals.

He should have addressed this earlier, when the issue wouldn't have been as dire. But how could he have told? Suoh was a master at hiding what he felt, often preferring to neglect his own needs for the sake of keeping one's good mood unspoiled. For a while longer, he kissed his hair, wiping off the sweat of his head with the ends of his pyjama shirt while Suoh caught his breath.

It was frustrating that he could do nothing. He wished he could have made him feel better instantly instead of powerlessly watching him hurting in his arms. There was probably not much that he could do except for providing logic. Suoh should know better than to let himself fall into that trap; he couldn't help everyone and he would never be able to. And even if he could, that would be beneficial for neither parties. Moreover, he shouldn't be blaming himself for what he felt; until proven otherwise, science had found that people had different sensitivities. In no way, was he responsible for how his brain worked. And actually, he could remember tons of times where his emotions had given insight into a situation or helped them.

It was about time Suoh's head reappeared above him because his back had gotten stiff waiting for him to calm down. He didn't show his impatience though, that would've been an asshole move. His beloved's face was gloomy and mixed in pink tones over a paler-than-usual complexion. He looked as bad as though he had cried, his features drawn and his eyes weary, but he could now attest that he hadn't. He had been close... Rochalizo's heart compressed into his chest like an empty carton of milk. All he wanted to do right now, was to protect him. But he was also quite irritated.

"Sorry...", muttered Suoh sheepishly, his voice still husky with anxiety, "I didn't think it was that...

"Yeah, can you stop supposing for a minute?", Rochalizo winced, some anger in his voice but which contrasted with the kind strokes he yielded to Suoh.

He sighed and cupped his face, making their foreheads touch.

"How can you make such good assumptions about others but fail at making them when it's for you?"

Suoh sniffled miserably and shrugged. He timidly tried to earn more comfort by rubbing his face into his which Rochalizo encouraged, his hands on Suoh's neck pushing him into a tighter hug. They hugged for a while, not speaking, Rochalizo's hands in his hair, brushing endlessly through the roots of his hair. Since they were so close, he dropped the sound of his voice.

"Are you okay?"

Suoh's head nodded slightly through still unsteady breathings. He was breathing fast but its speed was decreasing slowly and he was getting calmer by the minute. He could tell he also got sorrier as he regained self-awareness, but if it came to that, he would cut him off again.

"Alright, good", Rochalizo heard himself mutter, feeling such relief, he wanted to groan and he proceeded to drag Suoh into another embrace.

Half the flush from his face had washed away when Rochalizo pulled back again and said:

"You know... You're right. I do think your problem's completely stupid".

Suoh swallowed his lower lip, made uneasy by this statement which devalued what he had just confessed. If he hadn't been prepared it would come, he could have felt worse and made a mental note to shut up the next time. But by dint of work and thanks to all these months spent with Rochalizo, he had learnt more or less not to take things too much at face value. He had had the occasion to see many times how he worked; he was not outspoken for the purpose of hurting others, he was because his inner logic drew him to it. For sure, one could get a bit hurt by that coldness, but he meant well. And if he had been under the impression before, that his feelings were the ones being trampled on, he had been wrong. Although clumsily, Rochalizo was always on his side, defending them. Defending him. In Rochalizo's mind, one's problem wasn't inherently linked to one's worth which could cause fights when he started attacking opinions. But that was all a misundertanding of his intentions. What he ridiculed was not him but the problem tormenting Suoh, dismantling it with disdain as way to search for a workaround.

"... I don't see how it's stupid...", Suoh tried to answer, which he knew, would translate into Rochalizo's language to 'I can't see the solution you're seeing'.

Rochalizo kept still and silent for a moment, eyes grave, an investigation going on in his head. He seemed to be looking for words, his hands stroking the other's neck. Then, looking fiercely into Suoh's eyes, he pulled him in for a kiss. Roughly, he embraced his lips, bumping and diving into them, with a harshness that expressed his previous worry and doubts. This wrested out a very tiny whimper from Suoh who felt his musles relax almost instantly. His hands clutched in the orange hair and he kissed back urgently. He was feeling Rochalizo stretch out his most tender flesh and pulling at his lips blissfully and he was grateful for it. He hadn't realised how much he had been needing this and he felt evenly grateful that Rochalizo had guessed it in his place. Or not guessed it and only done it to comfort him. The result was the same.

Rochalizo pulled back as harshly as he had kissed him, a thread of drool on the edge of his wet lip and his eyes shining wildly. Suoh's already shaky heart from the kiss skipped a beat.

"Listen. You hate your feelings. Sure, sounds like they put you through hell regularly. But they're amazing, 'cause I know you. They give you that will of steel when you're passionate about something and that ability that's... Almost creepy to really see what someone is".

Suoh's lips twitched slightly upwards as he listened, but had to refrain it so it wouldn't look like he was hiding behind a mask again. Because he smiled easily, perhaps as a way of validating others. But that didn't mean he felt better. Had he been alone right now, he knew his smile would have faded fast and he would have yielded to feeling low for the rest of the night.

"Perhaps... But I'd be getting more things done if I was tougher and had more energy. It seems so easy for others. They don't get drained as fast...",

— But you're better at it than anyone. Who the fuck said talent doesn't need a rest?", Rochalizo retorted, in a sharp voice.

— Hmph, okay", said Suoh, from whose throat escaped one reluctant smile, "But... I still wish I was less sensitive... And less caring. It ruins me sometimes..."

Playing with his few bracelets, Rochalizo's gaze grew forceful, a hint of fury in them as if the mere thought of someone having instilled that idea in Suoh's mind was enough of a crime.

"You have no idea how I wish you saw how amazing you are. People... People who aren't as loving as you stress me the fuck out".

This time, he drew a faint giggle from Suoh. A real one.

"But... Rochalizo... You are one of these people...

— Your point? That just goes to show you can't date yourself".

Slipping away a little to curl up against the armrest, Suoh moved his head in vague nods, showing he agreed. But Rochalizo could tell he perhaps hadn't said the right thing or what Suoh would have expected to hear. Or perhaps it was the turn the conversation had taken that he didn't like. He could be fussy about the ways he secretly desired to be reassured but almost never obtained those specific ways because he would never be vocal about them. He would never say it exactly. That drove Rochalizo crazy. All of that interpreting he had to put himself through with Suoh could be tiring.

"Don't filter. Say what's on your mind", he asked, suddenly enclosing Suoh's hands into his, his fingers folded over his.

Suoh looked away, looking a little ashamed to be unveiling his private thoughts. But, as he trailed eyes over their hands holding, his expression by a lot and allowed some opening on what was going through his mind. He trusted Rochalizo when he held his hand like this. It made him feel safe.

"Do you think... My life is meaningful?"

Rochalizo bit his tongue. He did so he didn't blurt out the wrong thing nor some overused reheated opinion that could be formulated in no more than five words. Tricky. He thought to himself that sometimes, certain conversations with Suoh would require that he came prepared, having watched videos or written a paper on each philosophical topics he would try to bring up. No need to even begin considering it, that would fail. He would often ponder why Suoh got stuck on such superfluous problems. That must be no way to live. Problems which, he was sure, could be solved by getting out of one's head, taking up some activity. Doing this from time to time could remind him that life wasn't just a downward spiral nor did it required a necessity for him to find some abstract spiritual meaning to enjoy things. He could just be...

That is why, before, he would've answered with a short, realistic 'Asking for life's meaning gets in the way of living your own life. Stop asing yourself that all the time'.

That was before, though. Even if he still felt this way deeply, he had readied himself to sugarcoat it a little. And to both his surprise and pleasure, it no longer seemed like concessions. He was very much head over hills in love and therefore had been wiling to adapt for Suoh. Anything that would help him feel better, he would try to say for him, because nothing was more important. He brushed his thumb against Suoh's knuckles gently.

"Your life is already full of meaning, treasure. I've seen many things making you happy before and today too, and I think it's already nice".

Suoh nodded, admitting silently and with refrained embarrassment that he sometimes forgot to be appreciative for the everyday, more than he wished for.

"Of course, knowing you, you'd want something bigger... A big helping project I guess. But you're in the process of creating it. Look at what you're studying, look at all those guys whose rants you listen to on a daily basis. If you're not already there, then you're close to getting there".

Rochalizo felt some weight on him; the other had lain his head on his shoulder, not parting their fingers but holding them stronger.

"So can I just carry on the way I am?

— Compulsory. But you'd need a battle plan for sure...", Rochalizo commented, stroking his chin in contemplation, remembering his previous concerns about his sensitiveness.

He filled his cheeks with air and his gaze slipped to the side, which he did when he intensely thought about something. Unconsciously, he had switched to a more composed attitude, thinking Suoh was worthy to be taken seriously regarding what he was struggling against and deserved a thorough analysis.

"I'd advise you to... Get into the habit of thinking people are just having shit days and it's their faults if they're rabid, not yours. Also, — his eyes slipped into Suoh's as he carried on — have them ask before they start ranting to you. For those who try to feeling-dump on you just fuck them up verbally...? Redirect them to therapy, seriously... Don't let them get to you. Definetely can't help anyone feeling miserable yourself. I care".

Those last three sentences had been uttered with such a soft tone and care, Suoh found himself almost blushing. He nodded. He had braced himself for Rochalizo's tactical problem-solving and had prepared to ask for some comfort instead. It wasn't always apparent but Rochalizo could sometimes really abuse of that method, treating people's stories as though they were exercises on a maths test and acting like a pragmatic solution overrode the need for attention and care. But, all things considered, what he had said right now was quite sensible. Making a clean sweep of his swearing and exaggerations, his words shed some light on an exit door. He got surprised at how he found them meaningful and useful, but after all, reminded himself he should not be. It was Rochalizo. His mind was brilliant, that's why he had fallen in love with him.

"Yes... That makes sense... I should keep that in mind".

Suoh nervously rubbed at his eye. Although knowing the other was right, he was finding it hard to replace his inner logic by Rochalizo's words and felt lousy for not succeeding.

"I hate that... Even knowing that, I'll still get overwhelmed if I can't give everywhere I see the tiniest bit of injustice... And I know it's ludicrous and impossible. But it's difficult for me to let go of that..."

Rochalizo's sarcastic sneer filled the room.

— You think Mother Teresa had time to worry about the things she couldn't do? She chose her battlefield and ignored the rest. Is that wrong? I guess. Could she do otherwise? Nah. That's the only thing you can afford to do.

— Rochi, come on, I'm not Mother Teresa!", protested Suoh, who was chuckling for good this time.

— No... But you sound as though you two have similar timetables and plans..."

Suoh had kept twisting a strand of his hair around his index, hiding his laughter as he bent his face forwards. This time, he laughed aloud and leaned into Rochalizo's arms. The latter displayed a proud smile, happy that he had been able to get to cheer him up a bit. Suoh protested anew, giggling, merrily pressed onto the other's arm and shoulder.

"Come on...

— My point still stands", commented Rochalizo, raising an eyebrow provocatively.

Suoh's laughter slowly faded away and he regained a more composed face.

"That's... What you said is... True, of course. And I already know this consciously but... It's a tough pill to swallow...", he replied, hesitant.

"But it's not so bad, right?", Rochalizo argued, seeking to meet his eyes as he lifted his back off the sofa, "You can focus on your cause. And you can be happy. Don't listen to those douchebags who claim you can't be until global unfairness is fixed... You deserve to be happy even if the world's a shithole. It'll always be. It sucks but once you get that into your brain, you'll be fine... You deciding to help is already doing more than many people ever will".

Lying his head down on Rochalizo's lap, Suoh's eyes watched him from underneath. His face felt warm and his stomach capsized like a ship on stormy waters. Whatever magic had kicked in, he couldn't stop looking at him, nor could he stop that foolish smile directed at him from hatching. His words, when they poured out of his mouth, were filled with esteem and yearning for Rochalizo.

"It's crazy because... I already know all those things... But... I feel so much better when you're the one saying them and reminding them to me..."

OoOoO

Owls were hooting in the nearby trees and a few airplanes roamed the dark sky in distant roars. The wind caused a slight flutter through the rose trees and the bushes on both sides of the road which rustle could be heard from the living room's nevertheless closed windows. Suoh's restless fingers tapped away at the computer keyboard. He had lost track of how much time had flown by since he had begun writing his essay. It might have been a bad idea to start writing it now; he still felt a bit dizzy from his panic attack and now tiredness was taking over. But his organisation had asked for this and he had felt in his core that betraying the planning he had carefully arranged would have made him feel worse than the mere exhaustion he was feeling in this moment.

He and Rochalizo had hadn't talked for long after he had calmed down from his crisis. A few jokes and laughs had been shared until the hugs and kisses on cheeks had replaced the words. He had then remembered that he intended to write at least half of his essay before tomorrow and had taken out his laptop before Rochalizo's bewildered eyes — such structure and consistency in his tasks would always unsettle him wildly to Suoh's entertainment. He had complained that Suoh overworked himself, attempting to drag him to bed but without much surprise on his part, Suoh had declined. Since he wouldn't come to bed with him, Rochalizo had insisted on staying until Suoh would be done, swearing he would see him sleep.

But his long day seemed to have finally caught up with him... In a few minutes of waiting, his soft head on Suoh's lap, he had begun blinking more and more until he kept his eyes closed for a while, reopening them in confusion, until he didn't reopen them. Suoh hadn't felt the need to look to confirm his suppositions; the small adorable snoring reaching his ears had made him swoon and smile endearingly. He couldn't care less that Rochalizo couldn't stay faithful to his silly oath. Where he was, sleeping peacefully on his lap, with a clingy hand on Suoh's thigh, he was being all the more helping and supportive. Whenever he had felt like giving up and ditching work, he had absent-mindedly trailed hands into his hair and felt energy and encouragement from the mere action of touching him.

Suoh deleted his last sentence; he had written certain words twice and the sentence in itself expressed its ideas in very heavy-handed way. He couldn't work anymore. His mind was filled with thoughts of Rochalizo. Staring blankly at the screen, his hand sneaked out to the fiery hair and caressed him thoroughly. He jumped very slightly when his touch earned a groan from him. Rochalizo shifted a bit in his sleep and his arm fell around Suoh's hips. Suoh thought it was insanely cute that he was unconscious and still remembered as much to snuggle against him. He contemplated his squashed cheek on his thigh, a lone sparkle rolling from his tear duct to bottom lid and his half-opened mouth, the view of which brought some warmth to his chest. Rochalizo's eyebrows frowned faintly and rose up again oftentimes, uncovering mildly quivering eyelashes as he reacted to a dream Suoh had no idea of.

Because he looked adorable in this position and because he wanted him to spend a peaceful night, dreaming of things which would make him feel good, he bent over. Curving his back, he stretched to kiss his cheeks and philtrum. He managed to do that by craning his neck — however only from the tip of his lips, placing small featherlight marks of tenderness on his soft skin and pulled back wincing, rubbing at his now hurting back and neck.

"Worth it", he nevertheless whispered for himself, smiling widely through the wince.

He wasn't so sure what caused the next thought. The way Rochalizo lay down and slept so unconcerned, with his chubby leg across the armrest or perhaps how his own train of thought led him to wonder what he would do the next day since it was already a little past midnight and he was considering catching up with sleep himself. Suddenly, he was recalling about the other's appointment, which, and if he remembered well was almost certain to be scheduled for tomorrow morning. Had Rochalizo remembered? Or forgotten? That was a hard thing to stake on. But, due to all that had happened today, Rochalizo's long and tedious day, his nasty fatigue, their long talks and his crisis early on, he preferred and was more inclined to believe it might've slipped his mind. And that would be a shame truly, for he knew how long he had been waiting for a proper appointment.

"Where's your phone, baby?", whispered Suoh quietly, twisting himself around to scan their the living-room.

His gaze wandered on the low table, the chairs, the carpet... From his spot, a few blind spots could be escaping from his sight, but he had the feeling Rochalizo wouldn't have put his device there anyway. Putting his computer away, he tried moving the other's arms gently, pushing him a little so he could check if that filthy phone hadn't gotten stuck between the sofa and the other's sleeping hoodie or in its folds. If he had fallen asleep on it however, there would be no way to tell and the operation was declared doomed. Speaking of doomed... As Suoh tried to push Rochalizo's head, aiming to inspect the zone his mass of hair was hiding, the latter groaned from discomfort and shifted back in place where his head had lain before.

Suoh sighed and gave up. Taking out his own phone, he set up an alarm for tomorrow at 8. This would probably annoy Rochalizo greatly if his appointment turned out to be at 11 and he had planned to be waking up naturally before going. But this version of the story didn't sound like him at all; him, who couldn't maintain a planning, who procrastined sleep all the way and remembered things once it was too late... Suoh was betting his left hand this wasn't a practicable scenario. Besides, he didn't know the date for sure but should he wake up a little earlier for nothing, they'd have been better safe than sorry. Since himself would have the chance to sleep in some more tomorrow morning, he left his phone there on the low table, not so far from the other.

Withdrawing proved itself to be the hardest part. He thought he'd never be able to, worried that he could wake Rochalizo up while he'd get up and make the couch wiggle in a ghastly creaking sound. Half way through, he also realised he would've wanted to stay and cuddle up against him for the rest of the night. But he managed to convince himself he didn't wish to be woken up uselessly when he was in need of getting back a few hours of sleep he had gradually lost during the week. Fetching a thick blanket to cover Rochalizo with and a fluffy pillow to make up as replacement for the support his lap had been for his head, he tucked him in, enfolding the sheet corners around his sides and up to his chin. Then, he kneeled by the bed and placed a last kiss on his brow. When all lights had been switched off, he walked out to the other room in a light flutter of clothes, his brain desiring only rest. To rest for an eternity.

OoOoO

Through the rapid falls of powder flakes, snowy streets had filled with the yellow lights of headlights, restaurant signs and flashing shopping windows. The pathway to town seemed an entirely new one, save for the few strewn cobbles the large footprints of passerbys in their fur boots uncovered. Rushing out of the bakery from the corner of the alley, people in thick coats walked fast, carrying piles of pastry cartons. Some walked the streets a little more slowly, making detours around the clumps of snow and avoiding the long icicles which gracefully (but threateningly) hung from the roofs. Some hikers rested on a bench on the park's side, unburdening themselves of their frozen backpacks, chatting and readjusting their coats lazily. As he was being attentive to the commotion, Suoh almost walked into one of the pines bordering the road. Bumping against a heavy-loaded branch, he cried out a little in surprise when he felt some snow slide down his back. Getting rid of the unwelcomed snow in his coat took a bit and by the time he had done that, he was now feeling colder than he already had when leaving the house. And it was only mid-day!, supposedly the warmest hour of the day... Rubbing his hands together and holding on to his beanie for dear life through the building up breeze, he resumed his walking.

His surroundings changed when he found himself at an intersection, chalets aligning on the edge on the road. You could see their warm lights, spilling out of the grand windows and colouring the neighbourhood in a homely radiance. A comforting presence, although the day hadn't darkened enough yet to wish to be stepping in its light and away from the early night. A little smoke escaped the brick chimneys and, nestled between two wooden shutters, a red blanket fluttered in the cold air. On the other side of the house, on the elevated patio, someone was shaking the sheets above the streets. Distracted then, they looked behind their shoulder to answer a voice inside and dragged the sheets indoors. Suoh paused his little stroll, flimsily envious that he wasn't up there inside, drinking hot cocoa and in company of some loveliest boy. His thoughts had drifted where they generally would. He grabbed his phone to send Rochalizo a text.

'Are you done yet?', he typed as best as he could, not feeling his hands anymore and his fingertips already completely frozen.

He answered within the next five minutes during which Suoh wandered around the stands of mulled wine and hot coffee, blowing some air into his pink hands, considering buying one to show them mercy.

'Yeah. Where are you?'

'At the hot beverage stand. Care to join me?'

'Why would I? It's not like we have something planned or anything...'

Suoh bit his lips, stifling a giggle and began playing with his hair.

'Heyyy... I'm being courteous. You'll regret mocking me the day I get mean like you.'

'Try me.'

Suoh looked around for a place to settle down, his legs sore and wishing for a calm spot to keep texting Rochalizo witout needing to step on the side as he was constantly passed by people in a rush on the lane. He walked up to the outer stairs of a supermarket and tried sitting there, under the Christmas lights, but he was chased off by a couple of kids playing tag and went back to where he was standing before. He found shelter under an old roof, in a place where the streets had been deserted, hoping he could still be found there. Thinking for a while, walking in circles in the snow, he tried imagining what a mean text could look like but didn't get very inspired. He ended up not replying anything to Rochalizo and waited for him to join, watching as the village sank in white more and more.

First hearing a pair of boots trailing in the snow and scrapping against the asphalt, he took notice of him a few seconds before, making out his puffy dark blue fleece lining and then found himself caught into a rough and loving hug. His belly heaved in a few happy jerks, content as he was to be touched; the ginger hair still smelled of the shampoo he had poured in yesterday and his lukewarm breath was on his frozen ears. The other pulled back shortly, letting out these cute low bits of laughter, his hands firmly grasping at his shoulders. His smile so broad and luminous shot right through him, reflecting an expression of gratitude. It grew too rapidly close, melted into his. Suoh's eyes rounded up as he felt Rochalizo's lips ram into his, kissing with the strenght of his whole jaw, his mouth twisting around like a pleasant clamp around his. Suoh forgot how to breathe, not so used to such public demonstrations of affection coming from him. Kissing back, he blushed wildly despite himself.

"Thanks for the alarm clock", Rochalizo breathed out in a white cloud of air as he parted from Suoh's chapped lips, still beaming.

Suoh stepped back and admired his goofy smile; he had not expected him to be this grateful. But it often turned out Rochalizo was happy about the small things. He waved some air about his face, aiming to get rid of that creeping sensation of excitement in his stomach which drowned all coherent thoughts presently. All he wished to do right now was to snuggle against his shoulder and he did, mumbling a few words sillily, his arms wrapped around Rochalizo's side.

"I thought you might've forgotten".

Rochalizo looked down a bit awkwardly, staring at his feet.

"Well, you were right...

— Were you on time?", Suoh asked in a kind and thoughtful voice, kissing his flushed cheek and as an accidental result, getting the few snowflakes that had stuck there into his mouth.

— Thanks to you, yep. You really saved my ass. But um... So", he pursued, stamping a little impatiently, "Are we just gonna stay here and freeze to death? Why were you here anyway?, you were impossible to find!"

This remark had the one concerned burst out laughing. He had no idea where his footsteps led him sometimes. Not that he had a habit of getting lost, but he was known for wandering off and finding himself in generally impractical places. Although when the two of them were to attend something together, the cause for their lateness was almost always because of Rochalizo's desorganisation.

"The one you should be blaming is you! You took so longgg... Now I feel like a deep-frozen dish!", whined Suoh, dancing on the spot as a way to bring his legs back to life, feigning to be complaining, his blue hands squashed to his cheeks.

Rochalizo looked as though as he was searching for something to snap back, but then, his eyes widened and he smirked nervously, looking away.

"I'm not gonna make that joke... You'd like it too much..."

Not understanding at first, Suoh's eyes probed him for a while. But he had gotten used to analysing sentences and look for jokes with Rochalizo. He probed him until he was almost certain he had guessed what would've have been the joke. His smile widened and he seductively batted eyelashes at Rochalizo as he leaned on him.

"Say it...

— In your dreams.

— So you don't think I look like a meal?"

Rochalizo snorted.

"A very shuddering one. Come here".

Grasping Suoh's hands, he got a little concerned at how cold they were and then, generously opened his coat for Suoh to huddle into. Suoh didn't wait to be told twice and almost banged into him, sheltering into his warmth, smiling dumbly as he pressed his aching hands to Rochalizo's quite warm chest. The latter covered him as best as he could with what the coat could still cover and wrapped his arms around him. As they cuddled, more snowflakes had fallen on his hair and their ice felt slightly unpleasant to Rochalizo, however freeing his arms and letting go of Suoh was not a possibility.

"Hey, by the way...", Rochalizo asked, his hands petting Suoh's back slowly, talking hesitantly as though he was testing waters, "Do you think you could buy my ticket for today?"

At this point, Suoh was floating on his little cloud of serenity. The question made him giggle like a drain, laughing as if he had never been told such a funnier thing and he pressed himself against the other even more, in his eyes a madly smitten spark. Prodding a smiling mouth against his ear, he lay a dozens of kisses on Rochalizo's necks in response,

"I'd buy you anything if you asked, baby..."

Rochalizo scoffed, however, it came out a little strangled. He held him tight and with accentued tenderness. His heart beat so fast he felt jittery now.

"That's... Not a good mindset.

— Hgh... Let me be romantic...", Suoh protested softly, pouting into his hair, "So is forgetting your wallet at home if you want to play who's the best-behaved child.

Rochalizo started with a few words, retorting in indignation, but they didn't lead him anywhere close to an explanation.

— I didn't! I just... I... Um... I'll pay you back as soon as we're home okay?"

Curious of what had caused such a frantic reaction, Suoh's head popped up from inside his hood and stopped inches from his face.

"You don't need to... You always gift me things", he reassured him, stroking his cheek, forgetting how cold his fingers still were, "But what happened then? It got stolen?"

Rochalizo's head threw backwards, wishing the earth would crack open and swallow him.

— No... I... Urgh fine. I gave it all, okay?"

— Gave it? Wait...", Suoh trailed off, falling out of his childlike state, "To whom???"

Suoh almost begged him to answer, getting anxious he could have met an assailant or worse, a bully he wouldn't have mentionned before for whatever reason. Rochalizo gave in, embarrassed and thinking Suoh would make a big deal out of nothing if he didn't tell him.

"To the homeless guy..."

Almost immediately, the worry peeled off his face. It got replaced by surprise, and then a moved smile. Suoh did not say much but the way he looked at him expressed the most of his admiration and endearment, or so Rochalizo thought he could identify. When Rochalizo attempted to defend against potential mockery, he was surprised to be faced with only light scolding. But even that didn't last long. He agreed and poorly defended himself, eyes towards the ground, explaining he felt it had been his duty, although knowing it had been unprompted of him. He would've expected another lecture on his impulsiveness but instead, Suoh cupped his face again and gave him a bright smile.

"You are too kind Rochi".

Pulling him close, he kissed his lips softly, with ardent intention. Their lips moved in loving brushes until neither of them felt the cold and lost perception of space. Moving at the same pace as his lips, Rochalizo's hand gently pressed Suoh's back neck in and out of his fingers. Suoh clutched to his warm mouth and tongue, running fingers through Rochalizo's hair, wishing they were home already, settled on the sofa with a good movie the end of which they wouldn't get to see.

Rochalizo was the first to move off, looking all the more annoyed that this must come to a stop but stressing the important problem of Suoh's nose and neck getting too cold. He suggested they should get going for that first reason and also because they would miss all the buses if they stayed here in the middle of this nowhere land.

He was approuved by Suoh's lively laugh who bopped his head and grabbed his wrist to lead them back on a more frequented path. Rochalizo pulled Suoh's hand into his glove to warm it up and they held hands, walking down to the bus stop. The alleys were filled with the smells of Christmas trees some merchants displayed on the side as they called out to the passing people and the door to nearby pub had been left ajar, letting out loud chatter and the tinkling of glasses clattering and champagne bottles being popped open. On their way, they met an elderly couple walking out their dogs, groups of teenage friends and a herd of skiers which at this point had Rochalizo let go of Suoh's hand. With Suoh's money, he went to pay for both their tickets and as he sat on the waiting bench, Suoh huddled against him. Rochalizo protested in bad faith, but as the other insisted he would die from the cold, he let him and they kept still, appreciating in silence the roof above their heads. The snow had intensified again.

Once settled on the bus, they unpacked the sandwichs and brownies Suoh had bought for them and started eating. Then, gobbled the rest as fast as possible when one of them pointed out the sign for no food allowed. Rochalizo didn't let him touch the brownies box however, for he had found instructions on the back for a kid construction game that was offered as a bonus in the lot. They got into a playful scrap, one trying to keep the box at arms' lenght and the other, landing small hits in his ribs. It resulted into a bitter defeat for Suoh who had to watch him figure out the mecanism and assemble whatever was inside before he could get a bite. As Rochalizo eventually gradually discarded the chocolate bars, Suoh took his revenge by eating them all.

After they fought a second time and Suoh got tickled dangerously close to fatality, they took a break relaxing. The latter leaned his legs on Rochalizo's and they watched through the window together for some time. Because the other stood in half his field of view to the window, Suoh coudn't really let his gaze drag onto the outside passing cars and streetlights and he watched him instead. Him and his lovely reflection in the glass. Under his blond strands, his eyes drew a rapid movement, watching a flock of birds crossing the sky. His mouth was slightly open, his tongue unconsciously toying at that specific spot in his mouth...

"Hey", Suoh called to him softly, "How did it go at the dentist's?"

Rochalizo turned around, looking confused.

— Huh?"

Suoh was betting he didn't hear the question. He repeated himself patiently.

"Oh... Um... That".

The other's face torn in embarrassement, looking almost guilty that all of this had happened. As though he was responsible for the current situation and the previous months he had spent trying to heal. This reaction secretly turned Suoh furious; his muscles tensed and he felt his jaw clench, hurting. The rush of adrenaline was tightening his throat, but he didn't allow his cold anger to be shown. He kept smiling and talking to him softly.

"Are you still in need of being prescribed antibiotics?"

As Suoh decided to pursue with more factual questions rather than vague ones which also required his opinion, Rochalizo seemed to unwind a little and became more confident in his own answers. Generally speaking, concrete demands were his thing. He shook his head.

"They said I should ideally finish the dozen of medicines we have left at home, but that there should be no need for me to buy another pack. I should still check in on the recovery of the wound from time to time and see how I feel though..."

Suoh's jaw declenched, taken aback by such great news and gave him a genuine smile. Both his hands leaped into his hair and he cupped his cheeks in excitement, brushing the hair off his face.

"That's the best thing I've heard this week!! God, I'm so happy!"

Rochalizo offered him a small, shy smile and agreed quietly with a flickering of eyelids.

"What about the stitches? Do you know when they can remove them?

— Not within something like three months apparently?

— Hmm..."

Suoh shifted closer to him and rubbed his arm in sympathy. He lay a kiss on Rochalizo's shoulder, an action which made Rochalizo look him in the eyes with a questionning look.

"Aren't the stitches annoying to you? Generally when something's changed in your mouth you can't help playing with it.

— Oh totally!", said Rochalizo, raising his voice as if he had awaited an opportunity to complain about it all day long, "I always have to stop myself because if I didn't pay attention, I know I'd be ripping every seam one by one".

Suoh winced at the image this scenario had just created in his own mind. Some flesh wide open, striped in blood and through the pink underlayers of skin, roots of teeth almost half visible... He pressed his eyes close a moment, lowering his head. No, he was overreacting. But he felt anxious now. Not only would he risk getting infections from an open wound in his mouth but his jaw could also be injured to the point of there being permanent consequences. He had already worried too much that fateful day, at the hospital. His heart wouldn't be able to take it if Rochalizo ended up back there again.

Rochalizo's mouth opened, coming to awareness as to how his words could have disturbed Suoh. Timidly, he brushed a hand against Suoh's which were tidily placed on his thighs. He should be more careful... He knew how he could be sensitive on those matters, his vivid imagination not helping.

"Sorry for the graphic image... I didn't mean to".

Suoh's eyes met with him again and he smiled, in a way of assuring that it was nothing. His fingers tightened around Rochalizo's hand.

"At least you were lucky that it didn't make eating painful...

— I know... That would've been a pain. Eating and... Everything else".

Rochalizo stared at him, scratching his own legs which were turned towards Suoh, as his body as a whole must have been. His eyes slowly slipped from the blinking eyes of his beloved to his mouth. He was right, they were fortunate it had not come to something worse. These past weeks, the worse he had had to deal with was the pain when brushing his teeth and this stinging ache that would come at nighttime. Had the wound been deeper, it could have impacted any affectionate gesture... He couldn't begin to imagine how frustrating that would have been; to hurt every time he yearned for him. Suoh caught his insistent look on his mouth and grinned. He leant his face towards him, eyes gentle, just like when he asked for a kiss.

"And I would've gone crazy if I hadn't been able to kiss you for entire months..."

Rochalizo quietly agreed, eyes dragging on the curvature of the pink lips. He liked when his mouth twitched or stretched in such an attractive way. How his upper and bottom lips would part slightly, bringing out their luscious softness. Rochalizo's eyes went up again, swallowing hard.

"I would've asked anaesthesia. I can't get through without your kisses".

Suoh beamed and his face carefully bumped into Rochalizo. His mouth was close to kissing him when Rochalizo pushed him away. He tried to make it as kind of a gesture as possibly doable but wondered if the panic he felt hadn't turned it into something rougher than he had expected. Suoh moved back, eyes widened in confusion. Rochalizo gave an anxious look around.

"Not here. Please".

Suoh's mouth closed, feeling quite disappointed but didn't comment on it further. He knew what that was all about. He would've loved to say he didn't mind; that getting Rochalizo's affections in the end was all that mattered. It wasn't necessarily true. But it wasn't something that ruined his days and that he spent time depressing about and so, he could permit it. It was annoying but that was about all. He was used to the other flinching when he tried to be too affectionate in public. He had his reasons...

"Let's find a spot when we get off, okay?"

Sighing, Suoh nodded and his head came resting on Rochalizo's shoulder. The latter brought a hand out to support his lower back. Then, Suoh rose up from his shoulder again, having remembered another thing he needed to ask and ask he did, with much enthusiasm, hoping for more good news.

"And the tooth? Anything new?"

Rochalizo's face lightened up, turning away from the chair in front he had fixed his eyes on and to Suoh again. He straightened up, hands grasping both his arms.

"They said they can order a very realistic tooth from a research lab and have it sent it over to me!"

Suoh started squirming a little on his seat in excitement.

"Yess!! Oh my word, finally!

— But!", Rochalizo interrupted, not wishing to raise Suoh's hopes too much as had been his earlier this morning, "I'll need to be on a waiting list because there are many demands. And the lab only produces a small quantity of teeth a year. I subscribed to the waiting list and counting from today it's gonna be... Four months of wait".

Suoh nodded through his explanation. However, he didn't look as bummed out as Rochalizo would've thought he'd be. He smiled at him, brought a hand to his knee and squeezed it delicately.

"Those months are gonna fly by fast, you'll see. It's already amazing that we have the technology to fill your gap, innit?"

Rochalizo's brow furrowed slightly, reconsidering. He hadn't thought of the situation in this particular aspect and, suddenly he felt immensely glad that Suoh was with him. His radiant optimistic perspective on some things was something he tended to forget he needed. He was reminded at times like these what he loved about him and how good and hopeful Suoh could make him feel, succeeding in completely shifting his perspective around with a few warm words.

"You're right... I... I shouldn't be impatient. It's gonna turn out okay", he said, granting Suoh the look of someone very much in love.

Suoh moved his hand to hold his again and Rochalizo pressed his fingers together in his palm, barely refraining from crushing them in explosive affection. He was so focused on enjoying Suoh's head on his shoulder and their intertwined fingers, he kept smiling dumbly. With all his thoughts directed at him and him standing so close he completely missed on Suoh's hand tightening more and more, until it began to almost hurt. And that right here wasn't excitement. A little too late, his brain notified the pain to him and he glanced at Suoh who now looked down. From an outside perspective, he looked calm. However he could see the ceiling lights racing in his pupils, a quiet anger lighting up yellow tongues of flame on the surface. And the slight frown to his brow. A green strand of hair fell on his face and his jaw clenched to the limit; he looked fiercer suddenly.

Rochalizo nudged him, barely daring to touch.

"What's on your mind?"

Suoh looked up. Good will only wasn't enough this time to erase the fury he felt through each ones of his muscles.

"It's nothing...", he tried, the forced smile on his face no longer sweet but dark and livid.

"Come on you liar", Rochalizo murmured, quite uneasy, "Do you see the face you're pulling right now?"

Suoh sighed again. His attempts to control himself brutally faded like the waxed face of a doll and he appeared fully infuriated before Rochalizo. His voice and hands began trembling, as though he wished the fruit of his wrath would materialise so he could take it out on it.

"Your father had no right to do that. I despise him".

His assertive words cut through the air like blades — and they were all the more intimidating since he so seldom exhibited such self-assurance in condemning people. Yet he had uttered them almost reluctantly as though they burned his tongue like a name provoking instant repulsion. Rochalizo noted for himself that Suoh rarely hated people, his peace-loving nature compelling him to look for the smallest inkling of good within everyone. Even rarer of him was to be expressing his hatred for said individuals out loud for everyone to hear. When he did, it was no aleatory incident. The problem consisted in an absolute breech in his inner values and from there, he lost all naturally-inclined goodness. Rochalizo did not hate his father, but he understood that Suoh would.

Not knowing what to say, he ducked his head and gazed at the luggage that was being joggled under the seat in front. Hunching above him, Suoh's palm crunched against his own face, disgruntled. The hand that found him and caressed his hair was tender, no longer contrasting with his voice which had softened. But if one kept his ear open, the kind words he spoke still jittered around slightly, nervy and upset.

"Forgive me, Rochi. I didn't intend to be harsh with my words. I apologise if they hurt you. Only...", he trailed off, biting his lips in frustration, "I have a strong view on what it means to be a parent. I... I can't abide that he harmed you".

His shortness of breath made apparent his desire to say more, to rid himself of manners and express himself through prejudiced and intolerant terms. He gave in, a growl in his throat.

"I wish the bastard would go to jail already".

The other silently waited, nor concurring nor disagreeing. He would rather not do that when Suoh resorted to swear words, meaning his opinion was final and not possibly adaptable. Past the first couple of days after the incident, as far as he could remember, Suoh had been angry all the time. He had fidgetted a lot, restlessly walking in circles, lost his temper over small things, not eaten, cried... That rage had diminished over the course of the months but he nevertheless remained bitter and full of resentment. He also had gotten more protective of him. Rochalizo wished he would forget about all this already; it was hurting Suoh more than him. That time where Suoh had gotten into a fight with his brothers had been bad enough. He knew he had also tried to meet his father, but that on the other hand, Rochalizo hadn't allowed.

"Look, I...", he tried, wondering if Suoh would cut him off, but as he was not met with an objection, he pursued, searching for his words, "Recently I've been trying to... Put some distance... Between my Dad and I...

— Have you?", Suoh insisted, probing him.

"Well..."

Rochalizo stuck his hands into his fleece. This way, he could stretch his arms, relieving some of the stress he was feeling and he liked how they formed a sort of fence between him in the world. He felt trapped into a heavy, emotional, angst-inducing conversation and he didn't like that.

"... You know we never were that close, but... I don't... Keep him up to date as much as before... 'Specially since...

— Since?

— Most things are about you and... He doesn't quite like you... Um... Well, what he's heard of you rather...", mumbled Rochalizo, shrugging his shoulders bashfully.

Suoh raised an eyebrow with contempt. That expression didn't fit him, Rochalizo thought. He didn't feel close to him nor like he knew him anymore when he displayed such a face.

"Good", he retorted harshly from the tip of his lips, before momentarily turning his face to the window and the snowy fields the bus was passing by.

Rochalizo sank into his seat, uncomfortable, looking in the opposite direction. Why had they engaged in such a topic? He felt wretched. Suoh's rancour was legitimate and he understood him; had he been in his shoes, he would've been even angrier. However, he could not help feeling down at the perspective of Suoh being indifferent to his Dad's preferences. Some part of him had hoped, faintly, that they could get along and persisted timidly, even now after all that had occured. There was even more of a sting in his heart when it came to listening to him dissing his father with no second thoughts. By logic, his reaction was entirely justified. And yet he couldn't refrain himself from wishing Suoh would grow to forgive him and — an even improbable wish — would end up liking him. He couldn't explain it; that was illogical and god only knew (if that fucknut existed) how he hated being illogical. He loved that Suoh would defend him by speaking out freely and angrily against his Dad, and yet, he also hated when he did because it felt as though... As though Suoh rejected a part of him? Was it what it felt like?

"I'm so sorry my love...", he suddenly heard, those words uttered over him in a sweet, caring tone.

Rochalizo's eyes rose to meet Suoh's. He now looked awfully guilty. Rochalizo realised he had been silent for some time, which was surely how Suoh had guessed how he felt about all this. Unlike him, Suoh had been good at reading someone since the dawn of time. His considerate arms encircled him and he hugged him tightly from the side. Digging into his neck, his warm face rubbed against the roots of his hair.

"I keep apologising and then repeating the same mistakes. I'm the worst... I shouldn't be saying that to you. It's your Dad after all and you must still love him despite everything".

Rochalizo found some comfort in his words. He didn't know if he still loved his Dad either. But somewhat, he still felt drawn to him, wished for his affection and his approuval. Not seeing his father in a long time made him feel like something was missing. After all, he had been the one to raise him. He felt it would be ungrateful to cut ties with him and to disregard all the things he had been given throughout his childhood and teenage years. Every decision of his, every class lesson, hobby, toy, meal... He owed them to his Dad.

He had said he had tried to set up boundaries and he hadn't lied. He often felt guilty of that bahaviour, wondering if a child should rightfully keep things from their parents and limit information as though they were the enemy. But as the establishment of those boundaries had made him feel better, he wasn't so ready to give them up. Perhaps physical boundaries would have been wise to implement too like Suoh had suggested a few times, however he couldn't help coming back home and seeing them and letting them touch him. Not letting them close felt good for only a while. But quickly, the feelings of a noose tightening in his gut made it unsustainable, made him feel too awful a son, too awful a brother to stick to them. And why do so? There were things he must have exaggerated as to how unfair they had acted with him, moments he must have overracted as to how belittled he had felt... All things considered, Rochalizo felt easily aggrieved, that was a flaw of his. And his family weren't so bad at core. They had had good times...

"Yeah...", Rochalizo merely said.

He was glad Suoh could fathom the possibly he didn't hold grudges against his Dad and didn't choose to impose his thoughts on him. A less insightful person might have tried to enforce his views on him and asked that he stopped seeing his family. He himself might have suggested that, finding himself in such a situation... Yet, Suoh was understanding, as always.

At first sluggish, he hung into Suoh's arms like a ragdoll. Then, slowly returned the hug, tilting his head to the side so that it bumped slightly against the other's.

"I'll keep those things to myself, okay?", said Suoh, whispering to him in a soft voice, nuzzling against his temples, "I don't want you to feel like you have to take a side. You should never have had to in the first place..."

Rochalizo held Suoh's arms against him, spreading them over his body as he would with a blanket.

"Yeah I guess... Perhaps that'd be better but... S'not ideal for you to keep everything inside. You can just say it, I don't mind.

— You do mind", Suoh objected, "I'll speak then but will do my best to stay polite... Even if you know what I think deep down... — he sighed, rubbing Rochalizo's shoulder with his thumbs — I don't want to make you feel bad for still caring. It's normal for you to feel this way".

He paused for a moment, his hands moving across the other's chest, finding his heart beneath the layers of clothes.

"You will always be safe with me... I'll protect you from anything".

How senseless and absurd to promise such a thing. Realistically, this was a doomed commitment, as dizzying high claims made for painfully disappointing results. Harm couldn't be avoided, only cared for and Rochalizo didn't want him to promise. And yet, when Suoh uttered those words close to his ear, hugging him and all the parts of him that had always shaken in unavowed fear, he would have heard them again ten times over.

Although he was glad Suoh thought it was natural he still visited his folks, he was also very appreciative that he would serve as a shield between him and his family from time to time.

He didn't know why, but his eyes were moist and he felt his chest pinched by an invisible fist; promises of safety always made him feel this weird and twisting and irrational feeling inside. He did his best to stifle his messy breathing, focusing on the other's kind attentions to avoid a ridiculous cry. He snuggled against Suoh for some more and the latter didn't let him go.

In the newly fallen silence, Rochalizo noticed that they had almost arrived. Through the window, he could identify the old skating-rink sign and the dancing lights on its external facade. Turning his head towards his beloved, he snorted, rethinking something.

"I find it funny...

— What is?", asked Suoh, his eyeballs adorably round.

— That you're all peace & love and yet you say things like that...", he explained, moving his hands in casual waves.

Thinking he was grasping at what the other was hinting at, Suoh bit his lip, half-ashamed yet half-curious to be confirmed what was apparently so amusing.

"Things like what? 'I wish he was in jail?' When I said that?"

— No. Well, yes partly but... What you said last week..."

Suoh wrapped an arm around Rochalizo's hips, knowing fully well the words had already been said and that therefore, they couldn't impact him anymore (Rochalizo's very original reasoning). That they wouldn't make him flinch since they weren't new. But... He wasn't taking the risk.

— Last week... Oh. 'Had I been here I would've torn off his every hair one by one'?

— Yeah yeah, that... It's funny coming from you, the absolute pacifist. You could never do such a thing".

Suoh tried to laugh at it. He wanted to, however hardly managed. He closed his eyes, paying attention to the deep unrest that was spreading once again in his chest and intoxicating his thoughts. Next to him, Rochalizo had stood up on his knees on the carpeted seat. He looked happy, pointing to him the outside scenery through the window, having already moved on to chirping joyously that they had arrived. Suoh beseeched himself not to ruin his excitement. He looked like such a sweetheart. But that would have been too much sorrow to hold back and so, it spilled from his lips. He lost all self-control when it came to this.

Seizing Rochalizo by his waist, he pulled him in and sat him on his lap. The other mouthed some little surprise sounds and the beginning of some fussing, not liking such a private pose in public. There, Suoh wrapped him with his arms and held him intimately, his sad face on Rochalizo's shoulder. The other stopped moving.

"You laugh but... That day, when I heard the news on the phone... I was so appalled and enraged... And distraught, I could've done anything..."

OoOoO

*Two months ago*

It had been a quiet day. The TV was on, broadcasting an old documentary which played out in the living-room, unwatched. On the wooden table which faced it, two candles flickered in rapid swaying, moved by the cold air that rushed through the open window. A little farther, on the bigger table, two cups of steaming hot tea waited. Suoh paced the room up and down, carrying a bucket of fresh clothes that was too big for him, storing books and pencil cases, putting away Rochalizo's boat model and its scattered pieces, straightening the cushions on the couch and watering the plants on the small fireplace. Soon the only untidied spot in the room, Suoh's school notebooks lay untouched. He would generally settle in the living-room when he couldn't concentrate anywhere else, big open spaces somehow increasing his focus. At the end of the way, however, he had found that he hadn't worked at all and had kept finding excuses for his lack of attention such as, blaming the messy lounge. At least, those moments of rare procrastination gave him an opportunity to do the chores, which he would do thoroughly but, once in two weeks, or once a month. What? He had never claimed to be a saint.

Sitting down with his work, Suoh grimaced and realised he could try all he wished today, it probably wouldn't work out. And so, giving up on his revising, he texted Rochalizo something. The latter didn't answer and Suoh didn't expect him to; although it was late and Rochalizo had said he should be back by now, Suoh understood that family reunions would typically overrun. He also figured he would have some catching up to do with his family.

Those were the happy, oblivious times Suoh still misunderstood Rochalizo's relation with them.

He didn't talk about them regularly and Suoh had assumed they were this kind of family that was shy and reserved in their affections but still loved to spend time together. When Rochalizo did bring them up, it was always to respect a skill or quality he admired in his brothers and wished for himself, connecting their existence to prideful associations. His Dad was the less frequent topic, mentionned by him with uneasiness but respect and so, with a lack of information to feed on, Suoh had imagined he was the gruff but secretly caring type. Rochalizo seemed like he had been grateful to have him as a father which consequently had lead to him not to question that. Only, a few things had intrigued him for the time they had moved in together, such as, while Suoh had put up several photos of Sami and him on the kitchen wall, Rochalizo hadn't at all. And this time he had asked to see photos of his family which Rochalizo had wilingly agreed to show, but when it had come to showing those where he'd be included in the photo with them as a group, he had refused and ended the conversation, as well as leaving the room. Again, Suoh had deducted he was just shy and self-conscious, thought he didn't look good in those particular pictures.

Picking up one of the tea cups, Suoh brought it to his lips and drank a few sips, sadly giving up on waiting for Rochalizo to start downing it. However bizarre he thought their family bond was, he, who couldn't conceive a successful family without its tons of affections shared and interest in each others' lives, he couldn't criticise the other's strange ways of maintaining ties. Suoh's definition of family was also a tad uncommon. Having been raised in an orphanage, he had never cared much for parental presence; family was for him the few friends he had bonded with back there. It wasn't much but it held for him a capital importance. It meant seeing them as much as he could and getting some quality time was in order. Well... To tell the truth, it was more of an ideal. He had felt too tired these past weeks to suggest meetings and even weekly hang outs with Sami he had had to postpone.

But family to him was important. This could explain why, the more time passed and the more he wished to meet Rochalizo's family. He had pushed that idea at the back of his mind for the first months, thinking it was too early to meet someone's family at that point in a relationship. As another couple of months had gone by, he had told himself people like Rochalizo didn't feel comfortable mixing up such very private parts of their lives together and that waiting couldn't do any harm. These days, he was considering it again. His love hadn't faded in the least; he loved Rochalizo deeply and wished to know more, so much more about him.

To pass the time and not wait for him endlessly like a depressed dog, Suoh put his mind elsewhere and called Sami. They chatted of both the little trivialities and some very specific anecdotes which came to mind. Suoh learnt that Sami had enroled in a martial arts course recently and that she did very well, as no one would have doubted. She had also made a couple of new friends and struggled with school but had taken a liking for the theater classes and thought she should join a theater group next year. Her recent obsession with comics had grown serious and she had stolen a shiny belt from a store in the shopping mall near the orphanage. A friend of her had skipped school to spend some time with her crush and she had generously covered for her. Suoh had hung up feeling happy, fulfilled and sleepy. No matter how fun and delightful those chats were, Sami was such a chatter that he had to put an end to each phonecalls or he would be on call all night.

After that, he cooked dinner a little late, if his miserable attempt to cook deserved the label. He made a salad, eggs and put some carrots in the pan. He left a bit for Rochalizo on the side that he put into a box in the fridge and also roasted some meat for him that he let under a lid on the hotplates.

Opening his phone distractedly as he washed the dishes, he noticed Rochalizo had tried to call him twice while he was on a call with Sami. He called back and let the phone ring on the sink for two minutes while he finished the job. But even as he hung up and called anew several times, no one picked up. Suoh stowed the dishes rapidly and sent Rochalizo another few texts including a "where are you?" and an "are you okay?".

He fidgetted a little nervously. It was 10:45 PM. Perhaps Rochalizo had tried to call to notify him that he would be eating dinner with his family, as Suoh knew they had a habbit of eating late yonder. However it was just a little unusual of him that he had not sent any texts but so far, nothing so alarming. Besides, as he would never spent the night at theirs, he held the definite belief Rochalizo would be back before or for midnight.

Suoh decided he was stressing over nothing, if not completely overreacting and proceeded to go for his evening routine. He put on those white pyjamas with little flowers, brushed his teeth and stretched his muscles at the foot of the bed. Sitting down on the carpet, he calmed his mind with a meditation exercise he tried to be consistent with but didn't always had time for on busy nights or on nights where Rochalizo talked him out of his previously scheduled plans. And Suoh generally let him; the unexpected felt fun when it was with him. Grabbing the fantasy novel he had already read half through, he climbed in bed and, wrapped in covers, immersed himself into the story. Before doing that however, he put his phone into the bed drawer where he would generally switch it off for the night. But once more, he hoped for a call from his beloved and couldn't resist leaving it unsilenced.

Slowly, he felt he was falling asleep. He had read three chapters but now, the book had begun to fall out of hands and it took a few times at least for his sleepy brain to undertand the meaning of the longer sentences. The numerous names for characters and places in this fiction also troubled him greatly and he had read the last page not comprehending who had been doing what and for heaven's sake, what for...

He put down the book and lay his head on the pillow, ready to yield to slumber as he was craddled by the flanel sheets warmth and the subdued lights he should've put out. On his desk, the fragrance dispenser released a sweet smell of orange blossom throughout the room. His lids blinked, fighting sleep...

That was when something in the drawer began vibrating. Suoh's peace within the bedroom had filled abruptly with the sounds of his ringtone which seemed loud, so loud now and shrilling. Groaning, Suoh hid beneath the pillow an instant, feeling incredibly lethargic but also taken aback by his own exhaustion ; had he fallen asleep? What time was it? And who was calling? Determined to get an answer to each question, he dropped his arm into the drawer to get his phone, quite grumpy, he could admit it. However, seeing Rochalizo's cute contact picture showing on his screen, Suoh conceded a tired smile and, remembered of his previous worries which were now soothed, he sighed in relief. Gazing at this photo of him made his heart swell a little. It was nothing too fancy: the photo had been taken at a pottery event they had gone to this summer. Frozen in the moment, Rochalizo was shown before his half-moulded chunk of loam and looked right at the camera, displaying his hands covered in dirt, his face absolutely glowing. He sat on the edge of his seat in excitement, bearing a soft and thrilled smile like he was saying — 'look!! isn't that so fucking cool?!'. In this photo, he looked like he was having great fun, exploring with his hands and failing, and trying again, getting the hang of it. Suoh chided himself for often coming by this precious memory and looking at it without seeing it these days, due to the habbit of passing by it so frequently. This photo reminded him how much in love he was.

Picking up, even through weariness, Suoh's voice found a way to sound all merry.

"Baby! I was concerned. Are you on your way?"

Suoh crushed the phone against his ear, expecting Rochalizo's sweet voice. But his question received no answers and, pricking up his ears, it was as though he had dived into deep waters, where all sound got muffled and nothing reached him. There was only a dreadful silence at the other end of the phone that made him suddenly afraid to breathe audibly. It wouldn't have been frightening if he had heard the background sound of some bus being driven, if he had heard the whistling of the wind, the loud and bothersome shouts of late-partygoers. All of those sounds, in spite of not hearing who he wished to hear, would have meant something comforting for him, as he'd have deducted the other's voice was covered but that he was safe, on the road and coming home. If he had heard anything else but profound, disturbing silence... This silence that seemed to swallow him the more he took heed of it; it froze his bones and made him feel insane by the second. Until...

Suddenly, some rustle of clothes reached him, first faint and then, messy and strong, as though an object was being rubbed right onto the speaker. Suoh jumped in fear, recoiling, but still holding the phone tightly. Several hushed voices began speaking all over each other in the background. They whispered things, mumbling orders according to some rough tones and rude intonations, however, talked fast and stammered, wriggling in shock as their voices would reach a high note every so often. Among them, a voice a little louder that Suoh managed to make out clearly uttered a 'Fuuuuck. I told you he'd answer! Hung up! Hung up!' On the front plan, presumably the one who held the phone and was closest to the speaker muttered a single 'Oh my god, crap—'. Some more juggling with phone and then the faint sound indicating the end of the call.

Suoh couldn't move for a good minute. His thoughts had mingled and banged together so brutally, it was like he had lost the ability to think. As he slowly recovered from the call and closed his hanging mouth, he spread a hand over his now sweaty brow. He felt feverish now. Processing what he had just heard, he slowly lowered his phone and stared at the screen. He went and checked the 'recent calls' section, just to make sure he hadn't hallucinated what had happened and to testify the author of this horrifying call really had been from him. Yes, he observed, it really had been Rochalizo. Or at least, his phone.

But it hadn't been him in person.

Suoh tried hard not to freak out. Surely Rochalizo was still with his brothers and those had played a prank on him. Perhaps Rochalizo had wished to introduce him to his family on the phone and said family had talked louder than him, gotten shy and hung up. But why hadn't Rochalizo texted him anything yet?? He always told him when he didn't come home for the night. Why did he have such a bad feeling about this??

Checking the hour was enough to dispel any of his rational explanations and escalate his fright. 3:00 AM. Who the hell called at such an hour of the night?! Not Rochalizo. He would've quietly come home. He had the key to the door. Not Rochalizo. And not anyone sane.

The realisation came slowly, cold shivers down his back. Then, Suoh's heart almost burst out from his chest as his mind went to the worst possible outcome. He had been kidnapped. He had been locked up somewhere and tied up while someone now pretended to be him. He had been assaulted for his phone and now was all alone, on drugs, in a grim basement. He had been confined into a bag and shipped into a plane, departing in an illegal flight who would sell him to an underworld business of human slaves. He had been trapped into a lorry where they would cut his tummy open and sell his organs and leave him bleeding out. He had been stabbed in a dark alley for his money and had been disposed of in a trash bag, his precious body chopped in a dozen pieces.

Suoh brutally got out of bed, walked up to the kitchen and came back. His head so heavy and scarified by roaming angst, he struggled to keep his balance, under the impression he would implode from within, his brain and arms and legs breaking apart and splashing any moment, spreading around the room. He was a living aching worry which ached to crawl out of his skin. He walked into several pieces of furniture on his way. He couldn't see anymore; but he needed to walk, walk and breathe some air or he would pass out. He walked around the flat a few times, in the meantime, his body reacting, in turn, to the news, and reacting just as critically as he had been. Shredding his insides, his stomach stung him with an appalling stomach ache and turned so violently, Suoh ran back to the kitchen and puked into the sink.

Spitting it all, the acid liquid burned his throat and his eyes watered. He felt his body become limp and weak as he coughed out all he could, until he didn't feel anything move up and down his esophagus. Yet his stomach heaved again as he drew a breath and he spit again, spewing more saliva than anything this time. It hurt terribly. It hurt so much, but the pain distracted him from everything else and so, he found in it a release, a form of ease for his mind. When his throat ached too much to continue and he could only gag without a result, and when the bile seared his mouth so painfully it got him canker sores, his body trembling and faltering, he lay motionless, with his head bent into the sink, inside both his still hardly supporting arms. His breath husky, he sucked in air, exhaled short and erratic puffs, breathing in his vomit. Once he felt stronger as to straighten up again, he noticed he no longer felt as much pain as before and gazing vaguely around at all the mess and, he switched to autopilot mode; checked for traces of puke in his hair, washed his mouth and washed away his puke in the drain.

Perhaps those simple actions achieved in appeasing him but as he did, Suoh was able to regain some control of himself and started looking at things more calmly. None of his thoughts and none of his stupid worrying were useful to him or to Rochalizo right now. He was in danger right now. He had no idea what those people on the phone who had called him wanted out of him. And unfortunately, be couldn't remember their genders nor how many they were; as soon as he had heard other voices, he had pretty much blacked out. Perhaps they wanted him to negociate with them, asking that he bring a ransom to a meeting point, promising to turn Rochalizo back to him. Perhaps they had called to intimidate him and order him not to call the police. Suoh looked around the flat, feeling suddenly observed and very afraid, alone, in their small flat whose windows could be easily accessed from the streets. But... Whatever that call had been about, Suoh didn't fall for such boorish bargaining. If Rochalizo was in danger, and he surely was, he was gonna call the police.

Sprinting to the bedroom, he grabbed his phone in haste, typed his password with shaky fingers and clicked on the phone app. He thought he had accidentally typed a wrong number because he was brutally startled by some spontaneous ringtone and an unknown phone contact appearing on the screen. He hadn't called. It was that unknown number calling. Past the first moments of surprise there came fear and Suoh considered not answering. What if it was them again? But at the same time... The number wasn't the same. And what other party could be calling him at 3:00 AM, except for a potentially helping one? Someone good might have news... If he happened to miss a very helpful call, he would not forgive himself. It could be important. It could be important, he tried to convince himself over and over, while another part of his brain screamed at him to turn it down, frightened he would answer yet another call like the first one tonight.

"H-Hello...?", Suoh said quietly, biting his lips so his teeth would stop shaking.

"Good evening, Sir, this is—. We apologise for the late call. Are you Suoh?"

Suoh's breath stopped. How could they know his name? He had not yet announced himself and his status didn't include this information. He could have hung up out of panic but somehow, the voice on the other side didn't sound untrustworthy. Unfortunately he hadn't heard what that person had said for as brief introduction of themselves, but it seemed professional and understanding. Although... It equally stressed him out because Suoh got the dreadful feeling they knew something. Suddenly, he remembered that the news could be terribly bad. That they could tell him Rochalizo was...

"Y-Yes, that's me...", he replied, his voice barely cooperating through.

"Do you know someone called Rochalizo?"

His interlocutor had butchered his name badly, but Suoh would have recognised it out of a million ones. At the mention of his beloved name, he began breaking. He was breathing so fast he thought he would break into a heart attack. All of his previous appalling and gory thoughts came back to mind and he had to put his phone on the table as it began to slip from his very moist hands. Was this the part where he would be told they had found his cold dead body in a river? Would he be told he had been shot by a stray bullet and agonised alone as he had died without anyone around? Would he be told his bloodied crushed body had been found under the metro train, just as it had driven half-way over him? Suoh started sobbing quietly.

Those things didn't only happen in movies... It took him such an effort to talk again. He was seeing Rochalizo's lifeless body in his mind whenever the words tried to form in his mind.

"Yes... I do", he answered, the waters rapidly gathering in his eyes.

Suoh waited, barely standing up, holding back tears, finding the time it took for his interlocutor to talk back excructiatingly long.

"Sir, I repeat, this is Hospital St James, near the working port. Rochalizo's had an accident. Please come there as soon as you can".

The phone call ended there. And as Suoh watched his phone slowly, then brutally fade to black, he stood alone again, in the dark, empty kitchen.

#cotw fanfiction #cotw #children of the whales #children of the whale #kujira no kora wa sajou ni utau #les enfants de la baleine #kujira no kora #knk #suoh #suou #rochalizo #rohalito

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commander-orca · 3 years

Text

Wait for me — children of the whales fanfiction

Tags: Rochalizo x Suoh, Suoh x Rochalizo, Parrot Soul, Princeshipping, fluff, a teaspoon of angst, jealousy, repressed desires, forbidden relationship, healthy dynamics, look at them they love each other so much, mention of friends to lovers, lovers to established

Walking away from the plight of the heavy sun to go through the dark, pleasantly quiet corridor felt, as Suoh went down the plainly carved stone stairs, much like a tranquil descent to a new, underground world. A world which for a few moments did not belong to the Mud Whale and made who he was slip his mind, freed of roles and of everything. Almost an indistinguishable relief alongside the long passageway of adjacent dwellings, the door to their little house had been left ajar. Only this door invoked in him feelings of calmness; which was new, as it had not always been the case with his coming home late at night, his muscles sore, head still full of the daily tasks and no joyous inconvenience to come and stop those thoughts from running. He was glad that had come to change. No, he thought to himself, eyes catching the loveliest sight of the day, he felt beyond grateful. Peeking through the small gap, he could see the small silhouette of a boy who sat on the one-sized bed, his back turned. He lay there quietly, slightly bent forwar and so focused, Suoh imagined fondly he was reading.

His hair hung forward loose, nonchalantly and his tight black long-sleeved shirt had lifted up to his backbone, baring his lumbars. This was also hard to spot but he could make out, in the dim bistre light of the bedroom which reflected the muffled clarity escaping the window through the thin brown curtains, the streak of sand which stuck to the upper half of his high baggy pants. Suoh kept watching for a little while more, almost upset that he would have to disturb this scene of utter domestical delight. He wanted to stay forever and watch him just be, breathing unawarely and enjoying his peace, his defensive walls low and no one to impress nor to fight against. He couldn’t figure exactly what it was about this monotonous sight which was so touching and made his heart throb a little in his chest, but it was at times like these where he acknowledged his luck the most and contemplated how the past hardships and terrors had in the end been worth paying the price. Trailing eyes a last time on Rochalizo’s precious back, he announced himself by pushing the door open and uttering a single:

“Hello!”

Before he even talked, Rochalizo turned around swiftly, mildly panicked. It seemed Suoh had assumed wrong as a pen dropped from his hand and he rushed to cover a piece of paper.

“You- You’re back already!”, he blurted out in embarrassement, cheeks red.

Suoh, who had already moved to the entrance’s cupboard and was hanging his apron on a hanger, stopped in track, returning a curious look.

“Were you busy...? Do you want me to come back later?”

“No no, I wasn’t, I wasn’t”, protested the other, a bit awkwardly as he shoved the piece of paper and pen in his large pants’ pockets.

Rochalizo looped around on the bed until he was facing him. Suoh noticed he had little ink spots on his face, just under the two loveable moles.

“Are you dumb?”, said the other, still a bit bewildered, “This is your house, I can’t throw you out. Nonsense, Suoh!”

The young chief chuckled, removing his coat on hanging it on another hanger. The door craked as he closed it and creaked again as he locked it, so that it wouldn’t reopen on itself.

“I know! I just think it’s nice to enjoy some intimacy alone. From time to time, even our own spaces don’t feel like the ideal place and there are too few in my opinion to only allow people to be themselves in those same spaces”.

Rochalizo didn’t reply immediately, reflecting on the words. Then, he sighed, shrugging as he lay back on the bed headboard. Cracking a match, he lit up a few candles.

“You don’t have to give a deep meaning to everything, y’know. Anyway, how was it? We didn’t meet at all today”.

Smiling all the while, Suoh arranged the flower pots he had brought back from the infirmary, kneeled to pick up the water can stocked in the corner of the room and proceeded to water the plants. The heat had been barely tolerable for humans, as it had been for them; the plants drank the entirety of the container until their thirst reached satietion. He was finding it hard to reply; the words were snarling in his mind and his limp mouth hardly followed.

“I am exhausted”, Suoh admitted, gratting his fingers on the desk, his back facing Rochalizo.

He felt often uneasy avowing to his tiredness. His efforts didn’t have much of an impact and he systematically came back with the feeling he could have done more.

“What about you? I thought you were helping with the festivities tonight?”

“Yes, I was supposed to, however...”

His face took on another few shades of red and he struggled a moment to find his words, in vain, which led him to renounce.

“Although you say you are exhausted, you’re still up on your feet”, bluntly remarked Rochalizo, but he added then, in a softer tone, patting the empty space on the bed besides him, “Come here. Let me take care of you”.

The moment these words were uttered, the young chief felt a wave of relief and relaxation travel through his body. He turned around and smiled. He didn’t need much to wind down and ease his hurting body and mind. And despite his personal motto which consisted of enjoying the present moment as much as possible, he had found himself awaiting for this moment all day. Carefully settling on the bed, Suoh watched as he started putting weight on the mattress and caused Rochalizo to slip a little closer to him. Comfortably sat, he peered at the short distance between them.

The thought of placing his head on his shoulder crossed his mind, and as they had often done so these days, it wasn’t much of a bold thing anymore. The candlelights flickered, illuminating the nearest objects in a halo and left all other places in the almost darkness. Being still in the dark made Suoh feel like he wanted to be closer and so, he was about to act on his wish, but Rochalizo was faster. He suddenly felt this warm and most welcomed load on his shoulder. It wasn’t him uniquely pressing his cheek, it was him falling back with his cheek and jawline and upper neck and with such good faith, trusting Suoh enough to bear the heaviness.

Suoh’s heart jumped happily and kept pounding fast nonetheless a long while afterwards. In this position, he earned a closeup of the Prince’s thick blond and ginger eyelashes which tremulated faintly as he breathed. Suoh’s head fell on top of Rochalizo’s, his nose buried in the thin mass of hair. His scalp felt warm and soft and seemed like an inevitable invitation to sound sleep. Grasping gently Rochalizo’s opposite hand in his, he brought it about a few inches down his own opposite shoulder, making the Prince turn from the side until the top of his chest was touching half of his. Rochalizo warpped his arms around him tightly and emitted a small sound. In this atmosphere, the troubles of the day melted away. It was only them, entangled into each other’s embrace and breathing the soft scent of their hairs.

These displays of affection were in no way inherently romantic, as they were merely relying on each other to regain the lost energy throughtout the day. But somehow, Suoh wished that they were and were that only. Romantic. Rochalizo’s friendship was eternally precious to him and in no way he desired risking altering it in any fashion. He would not bear to lose it for the sake of love and attraction. But that was straying far from the point, for there was little need to worry about this; that love was reciprocated.

He had known from the day they were, just them two, studying maps in the deserted meeting room, which ambiance that night, felt close to the one they were in right now; candles on desks, tables and on the floor surrounding them, an almost complete obscurity. But what made tonight different was the special guest which had added on this special night: wine. A full jar of wine disposed between the two as they faced each other. Suoh’s first time drinking it. The first sips had tasted bitter and too rich, but despite being in good company, the matters at hand could get tiresome as well as convoluted and so, he had drank more each passing minute, accompanying the Prince in the premices of drunken eloquence and joy. Spread out on the pavement, the space between them had grown thinr and thiner, until even the wine jar had been tossed aside and they were chatting about everything but maps, in drunken silliness.

Those were the days Suoh remembered thinking highly of the Prince, admitting easily that he was a really pretty person and whose odd temper quick to anger, his straightforward words and kindness he hid behind pretend-mercy were traits he actually appreciated or found amusing. And amusing Rochalizo was too, which had led them to get closer, regardless of their numerous interactions due to both their political positions. Because they simply liked being around each other and because Suoh lacked opportunities to laugh and that meant he had felt good in his presence.

And so, from then, everything had speeded up. The wine, the jokes and how they leaned in into each other to laugh, the playful teasings, the brave compliments which made you feel warm in your body and that physical promiscuity which had you gazing at their lips or noticing eyes looking a little too low on your face, everything had guided to the foreseeable unfolding of them kissing. The important percentage of alcohol they were under had prevented things from going any further and had certainly collapsed at some point since it was how they had woken up.

But Suoh had had to tell the cruel truth; he couldn’t be Rochalizo’s lover. The law which conducted the leader of the Mud Whale’s personal life were strict. The dire incidents which had occured in the distant past had been caused by a few determined factors: a lack of monitoring of the chief’s powers and left unchecked, their strong temper and arrogance, bonds too close with their family and finally, the disturbance of a lover who had come between the leader and its responsabilities.

The kiss they had shared had not meant nothing and Suoh had been made well aware of that as he had looked into Rochalizo’s eyes, accidentally - according to the Prince - filled with tears. The view had brought Suoh close to crying too. This, as he had realised had been the first time he had wished something deeply for himself and the more he had looked, the more he had felt his previous convictions on the verge of crumbling down. He had never really questioned the laws, thinking the perennity of their people came first. Each reconsidering of the laws hurt. For a moment, he had forgotten who he was and to whom his loyalty went. His desire to go against the rules had clashed so hard with his desire to protect his people his mind hurt as if both feelings fought with nails and teeth.

Rochalizo’s pride hadn’t allowed him to be shedding tears, therefore anger had taken over. He had shouted at Suoh, bared his fists at him, insulted him. In those terrible words, he had said Suoh had been playing him and ultimately had fulfilled his desire to mock and ridicule him, along with the rest of that cursed ship. Suoh had seen through his anger; it was obvious, they were both in pain and striving to find a way to cope with the sadness. They had calmed down and apologised but the emptiness remained. Eventually, Suoh had told him:

“We are not a cursed boat. We are only wary of the mistakes of our kin. But since the Empire’s attacks, our rules have softened or have changed. A new era has come for the Mud Whale and when we’ll settle in new lands, I will pass the title of leader to Ohni. I don’t think I’ll be suited anymore”.

“I thought you weren’t serious”, had replied Rochalizo, afraid to hope.

Suoh hadn’t answered that question but the look in his eyes was so solemn, the Prince understood it was futile to mistrust those words. He had shaken and Suoh had reached out to take both his hands in his.

“Wait for me”, he had said.

And that had been the last of their talk.

Had they not been on the brink of finding a new home, lands which would reshape the whole system they had adhered to until now, the young leader would have yielded to despair. However, they were moving at a fast space, navigating towards unhabited islands. This was why he was wiling to wait. This was how he was able to wake up in the morning and hope and greet Rochalizo naturally. Of course, he got excited, imagining the life of his people in the new lands and prayed that for their sake, they would all arrive very soon. But he had never had a personal hope to look forward to and the perspective was exhilarating.

Frank with himself, because at some point of another you needed to be, Suoh felt at times like he wasn’t in position to complain about his situation. His people loved him and he loved them and asking for more could be seen as borderline selfish and greedy, at least, how he saw it. Also, Rochalizo and him and known each other for several months, a period of time which was little compared to the separation or impossibilties for certain lovers to be together.

It was surely only puppy love, and teenagers’ hearts changed so fast and yearned for many others in a short timeframe. And yet to dismiss it so rationaly and harshly would have bee wrong; Suoh couldn’t help advocating in favour of this idea. The idea that, in spite of this love being “puppy love”, as some liked to call it, it couldn’t be reduced to to this only. It could never encompass the variety of feelings and affections he felt. And even so, if it really was just that, - because who knows, there too few chances of this being last and true love (considering the right and true kind of love could be found in only one person) - couldn’t he also get the chance to experience love, as silly and as immature as it could turn out to be?

He deemed this as a just judgement. However if the day they landed never came, there was no knowing as to how he would act... He preferred to avoid that thought for the time being.

And as for now... They were still waiting.

Rochalizo’s faint voice crept up to his ear, warm and meek.

“Your skin smells good...”

Suoh’s grin lightened up his entire face and he positioned more comfortably against the pillows, laying down a little more backwards, bringing the Prince along.

“You too... You smell like clementines and honey”.

He could feel him smile against his skin which made Suoh even happier. Silence fell back on the room again and they stayed in each other’s arms, eyes closed, content. After some time, his neck a bit sore from the position, Suoh lowered his head away from the Prince and crashed on the pillow. Rochalizo shifted and replaced his head on Suoh’s chest as Suoh’s arms wrapped gently but narrowly around his middle. A few minutes later, they shifted again, Rochalizo climbing up the other’s body and as he moved, Suoh stared at him longingly.

To be this beautiful... That couldn’t possibly be a human sight.

Next thing, he was leaning in and peppering a few kisses on his cheeks. Rochalizo jumped a bit, but did not retreat; his cheeks aflamed, lowered down his face, allowing a wider access. The Prince bit his lips, probably thinking that if “this” felt pleasurable, so much more could feel heavenly. Could... A snarky smile carved his lips.

“Say Suoh, kissing like this, that’s a weird way to be friends, don’t you think?”

That comment earned a giggle from the young chief. His fingers brushed against a strand of a ginger strand of hair behind his ear.

“That would be okay, since I already do those things with a lot of other friends”, he said, half teasing, half stating, leaving his remark open for interpretation.

“Take that back!”, vociferated Rochalizo, obviously taking this as teasing and he rushed to give him kicks in the stomach with his knee.

Wailing in pain, Suoh raised his own as well as his hands in an attempt to protect his assailed stomach.

“Ouch... Ah... Please stop, I take it back... I take it back!”

Rochalizo grined and, making sure he hadn’t really hurt Suoh - he was right to check in, he could be pretty sensitive - he lay down again to give him a hug. Suoh’s hand found his way to his hair and began stroking it slowly. Curling the hair through his fingers, he was reminded of the times he thought his hair was naturally this curly. Arosing again, Rochalizo’s voice sounded suddenly a lot more troubled.

“I know you already do all this with the others but... There’s a difference... Isn’t it? We do those things with another kind of intent... Don’t we?”

“Undeniably”, assured Suoh, holding him a bit more tighter.

He knew that was a topic that had often been brought on the table, for they had different perspectives on what it meant to be friends and where to draw the line between those and lovers. Suoh’s upfront affections resulted in his borders being looser than Rochalizo’s whereas the latter preferably saved most of his gentle touches for lovers, enforcing a clear division. This rarely manifested in fights, but rather in the form of jealousy. Not much could be done to counteract it, except giving reassurance and affection.

“It IS different. I am crazy about you. And tired of waiting too for the simple joy of kissing you in public”, he confessed.

The covers were clenched around them as Rochalizo hid his face under them, overwhelmed by embarrassement. A muffled sound emerged which sounded much like “how can you say things like that that easily”. Suoh smiled, but he rapidly added, more gravely.

“I’m sorry, it would’ve been best for you if I had been born in Amonlogia”.

Emerging from the sheets, the scarlet red face of the Prince, crushed between his cerulean fingers looked as though he was about to go a little bonkers. The long soft groan he was uttering was enough proof. Moving his head up to the ceiling as his fingers squashed their way down his face, he sighed, trying to regain his composure, stil trying to recover from the tenderness of this small speech.

“L-Look, I think you should be just a tiny bit ashamed of what you gab about sometimes, alright? In- In any case, I... What are you saying? I wouldn’t want you to be from Amonlogia! At all!”

Kneeling next to Suoh’s head and forcing their eye contact, he grasped the tip of the other’s chin and locked eyes with him. The threat in his gaze was subtle, it blended together with strong feelings of love, fear and sadness. Suoh’s breath hitched.

“It is because you are not from this damned place that I like you”

They had uttered those words before, but never as passionately as the context in this moment implied they were. Suoh’s gaze filled with immediate steadfast affection. Rochalizo’s voice trembled.

“Who knows who you could have turned out to be, in this country of mine? Your morals, your kindness, I... Everything... You must not wish to be someone else or to have been from elsewhere. This island and you... You and this island, you feed on each other’s benevolence, blossom when you can exchange acts of charity. I understand that both of you are tied to each other and that I can’t enjoy the sight of one without thanking the other. It is because you are from here, that you have lived peacefully here... That you are... Well... I think you are fine that way”.

Suoh did not know when he had began to smile but he could not stop. Rochalizo was right. The character of unfairness that was of the rules was a heavy burden to bear, but if it meant they had found each other and lived according to healthy values, it could not be so bad. However, he didn’t quite understand anymore if the point of his rhetoric was to alleviate the pain of the Mud Whale’s regulation or if he was simply praising him. He was too tired to ponder either way and not able to keep the conversation going but, went through the care of signifying how powerfully he felt the same with a look.

As the young chief was gradually dozing off, Rochalizo’s voice filled the silence once again at some point.

“You know I believe in what I just said, but on the other hand... Isn’t it hilarious how I’m the biggest danger to your people now?”

The mention of danger combined with the topic of his people was enough to get Suoh to focus a little more.

“I’m a bit proud of that, if I must say”, carried on Rochalizo’s voice, helding palavers arrogantly, “I’m immensely powerful. Just us walking as lovers could apparently turn you mad and, done in a snap, you’d mess up the whole political system and forget your people even exist! Just because of me!”

The other shook his head, a small laugh coming out of his sigh. Such senselessness and a joke a bit too dark for his taste. But nonetheless, he didn’t reproached it to the other. And how it had been described was a bit entertaining.

“I know... That rule isn’t right, it’s only bound to make leaders transgress it... But...”, he added, “I’m glad you’re my little chaos enabler!”

Rochalizo’s expression turned even more presumptuous.

“Chaos enabler will suffice”.

“But you still are a bit small”.

The Prince growled, offended. His hands slipped to Suoh’s belly in order to tickle him to death.

“Not as small as your monkey-brain!”, he exclaimed, as an evilly satisfied smile stretched his lips, hearing Suoh begging for him to stop between bits of laughter.

Getting his steady breathing back, the young chief hid his face an instant behind the back of his hand, relaxing a moment, burrowed into the thick pillow up to his ears. Through the fabric, he heard Rochalizo’s voice keep the conversation.

“Don’t you think it’s strange though, this sort of abstinence they make you and made the previous mayors go through?”

While Suoh loved Rochalizo’s talks and thought he often made very good points, he still hoped to get some rest somehow. Perhaps a few more chats and he would ask for him to let him sleep, albeit he could not pretend not to be interested. Especially since those matters affected them as a pair. Furthermore, yes, undoubtedly most of these were jokes, however he knew the Prince find it difficult to speak plainly and instead, was far likelier to turn to backdoor policies.

“It is similar to those stories of people being restrained by forbidden love... The issue about this is that they are made total strangers to themselves by society and hate what they are supposed to love while also fearing it. And they can’t talk about it. It becomes a taboo and it kills them from the inside. They even get scared touching others, as if they’d become incontrollable”.

Suoh nodded, approving with virulence.

“I don’t like those stories. Keeping things silent doesn’t solve anything - if it doesn’t exacerbate the issue in the first place. Don’t fret, we are still going to talk about it. And we can still touch. I’m not afraid of any of us...”

Rochalizo simply smiled, although he now looked all the most embarrassed after spending just a few seconds deep in thoughts.

“B-by abstinence what I meant was... U-um, not just... Intercourse. I was including many other things! I’d just like to kiss and... Have others know”.

“Of course, but that would be okay, we are teenagers after all,”, Suoh replied, chuckling.

-Do you think they know?

-It’s hard to keep a secret here, but...

-Oh I know, you all are filthy town-gossipers...

-They possibly have light suspicions, but I don’t suppose so”, mumbled the other, as he couldn’t refrain a huge yawn.

They spent another few minutes not talking. Rochalizo now lay back on top of Suoh’s chest. Apart from the candles, whose flames had devoured a fairly good portion of the wax, there wasn’t a single other light outside. Nightime encompassed the Mud Whale, pitch black and not a single star visible through the mass of dark clouds. But most shocking was this silence, so defeaningly profound. To Rochalizo’s heart, it felt quite lonely and unconsciously omnious, accustomed as he was to the noise and the traffic flow of his urban hometown. But it was also in a sense, soothingly liberating, as this worry of avoiding intrusive eyes dissipated. In this moment, they could have been the only citizens of this island. The only people in the world.

“I don’t think I’ll ever grow used to this place”, he said, in a low voice, nostalgic for something he couldn’t understand, “We would usually hear people. Tonight, they’re all on the opposite side on the ship, busy with party preparations. Wanna go, Suoh?”

Getting no answer, the Prince shifted until his eyes fell on the sight of Suoh sleeping soundly. Feeling tenderly amused, he extended his arm to brush away the little strands of hair fallen of the beautiful face.

“Look at us! I talk inapropriately too much, and you couldn’t tell me you’d soon collapse...”

He carefully got out of bed, landing on his tiptoes. Getting close again, on the white, momentarily non-frowning forehead, he lay a soft hand. Only displays of affection which could also be those of friends for the time being, they had said and agreed to. As time moved slowly, it also grew short on his patience, but, gazing at the sight of his lovely flame, all thoughts of frustration evaporated into thin air and all he could feel was pride. Love. And the hopeful certitude that waiting was, in spite of his disastrous existence being filled with lifelong ruinous choices, the best choice he had ever made.

OoOoO

When Suoh woke up, the calm he had come home to could no longer be found. Rubbing his eyes lazily and wiping up the little drool on his lip, he approached the window and pulled the dusty curtains open. A cold breeze blowed in his face and he breathed in long and slow, charging his lungs in fresh air again. Having leaned onto both his elbows on the edge of the window, he could hear and see more of the gleeful turmoil which was bubbling in the streets. The alleys overflowed with flower ornaments and white ivy, golden sparkles and confettis had been scattered on the ground, stomped by children who ran by, laughing. If he squinted, he could make out the hot lights of a huge bonfire, he assumed, as the rest was hidden by another few houses, trailing rays of lights along some facades. Screams of joy and general excitement stirred up from that peculiar spot of the island. But, as a smile crept up to Suoh’s mouth, a loud boom made him jump and almost had him falling out the window. Grasping the ledge fearfully, his eyes followed a trail of red light rise high in the sky and explode. Upon that sight, Suoh automatically crouched under the window, securing himself behind the wall. As no immediate threat nor any screams followed, he got up on his feet again to look outside, searching for the bits of whatever had just blown up before his eyes.

“What the hell?!?!?!”, exclaimed a loud, authoritative voice below him.

A voice he only knew too well. Suoh bent forward at the window, looking for him, his heart compressed in his chest. If he had been hurt, if even the slightiest thing had happened to him he-

“What the hell, seriously! I told them to wait! The bastards!”

The young chief’s eyes finally found Rochalizo. He stood in a nearby garden discussing vehemently with Kuchiba. He did not seem hurt, nor did Kuchiba and the scenery around them did not show signs of damage. Another trail of light rose up in a sizzling sound this time, and Suoh followed it, less afraid now but nonetheless crouching a bit, only keeping his eye at the right level to witness the explosion. As it did, the trail parted in several other golden petals, looking much like a rose. The remains silently fell back on the village, fading out into the air.

“I’m gonna kill them! I’m gonna kill them!”

Suoh repositioned on the edge, looking down at him, not comprehending in the least what was going on. The Prince finally took notice of him and covered his mouth in shocked guilt.

“I’m so sorry Suoh”, he cried from afar, “Did I wake you up? Well, I guess you can’t sleep with all this racket!”

The other nodded awkwardly, waving his hand vaguely.

“What was that?!”, he shouted in response.

Rochalizo looked angry again. He swelled his cheeks, as if trying his best not to start cursing.

“That was... Well... I... I told them to wait until you woke up to light them up. But hopefully or not, you woke up just in time!”

Kuchiba shook his head in major disaprovement and folded his arms. Rochalizo smiled pretentiously at him, then redirected his attention on Suoh:

“I was coming to wake you up and bring you along, but it seems”, he winced through another smile, “I was outstripped and I no longer have to deal with the moral dilemma about letting you sleep or not.

-But what are them?

-Come down quickly! I’m meeting with you halfway from here! If we don’t hurry those idiots will run through the last of my stock!”

OoOoO

They ran through the sparkly streets, shining of the hot lights of torches on wood staffs. Rochalizo’s hair fluttered before his eyes in a fiery haze and his hand which held Suoh’s tightly, not letting go, was warm and spongy. The young chief’s breath ran short, despite them having ran just a few dozens of meters, but he didn’t want to stop running, ever. In this instant, his heart beat fast and running through the night with the one he wished most to be with made him ecstatic, the lights bordering the path as though they were casting their blessing upon their wild adventure.

“Look Suoh!”, screamed Rochalizo, as they were reaching the central place in which gathered the general crowd.

He pointed at something Suoh missed but he then caught sight of the shimmering explosion of another of those sparkly fires, An emerald one, shaped in the form of a palm tree.

“I don’t understand, but that’s beautiful”, Suoh said, huddling against Rochalizo’s arm.

“They’re fireworks. I found them in my stuff and your people went mad with excitement. And... I wanted you to see them...”

Rochalizo gazed at him silently, his tender eyes expressing a childlike excitement as well as admirative affection, lots of it. Suoh returned the gaze. They walked together hand in hand to the central place, tacking between the people who drank festive beverages, ate, sang along with those playing local instruments, talked with spice and joy. Pointing at a spot lifted up above the crowd, Suoh guided towards the edge of an old passageway which stairs had broke. They sat there, nestling against each other, watching the festivities for a moment. To the left, a group of people danced to a contry dance song, some on their own or with friends, bouncing their heads and arms to the rythm, some of them, much closer to where they had settled, danced in pairs with lovers, exchanging when the tempo slowed down, a few hugs and kisses. Rochalizo’s eyes were fixed on them, insistant. When the other asked him what he was thinking of, he gave that answer:

“Oh... Sorry, I’ve spaced out”, he said, seeking to look more cheerful, but Suoh had grasped the envy and jealousy in his eyes and those feelings somewhat stuck to his face, even as he put in some good-will.

Suoh gave him a little nudge, not buying that excuse. He knew him too well.

“Do you want to dance?”, he inquired, offering his hand.

Uneasy, the Prince shifted a bit awkwardly. But it didn’t take long for him to make up his mind and he accepted timidly. Walking through the crowd anew, they took place for the following dance, one of Rochalizo’s hand on Suoh’s shoulder and one of Suoh’s around his waist. Starting to dance, the young chief realised his partner wouldn’t know how to follow the rythm of this one and because it was swift and vigorous, they were rapidly lost and were giggling at each other’s bad synchronisation and clumsiness, trying many times but ending up failing and shouting a few “we suck!” and “this is so hard!” at each other through the loud music. The next dance played slower than the previous ones, calmer, which in consequence had many single people leaving. Rochalizo’s hands had come to rest around Suoh’s neck up to his elbows and Suoh’s hands had slipped around his hips. They stood so close to each other it had become hard to breathe and to even pay attention to the music. And how could they?, when the other’s face reflected the lights of the bonfire and was flushed from the exercise and stamina.

However, as he looked outside of their carefree bubble, Suoh could feel his stomach form knots, being under the most unpleasant impression that all eyes were upon them, silently judging or wondering. And he noticed that Rochalizo felt it too, as his hands clutched slightly at his white tunic. Their bodies seemed suddenly heavy and not much moveable to keep up with the music, as relaxed as it was.

“Rochalizo, I...

-Yeah...

-Do you want to go get a drink instead? I’m sorry.

-No, no, of course. Don’t apologise”, the Prince shrugged, wincing awkwardly but with resignation.

But even hearing those words hurt Suoh. It was sad that they couldn’t dance and have a good time like the others did, but he feared on top of that Rochalizo’s feelings. He never wanted him to believe he was ashamed of him, he thought, as the other dragged him to the drinks stalls. They bought fizzy drinks and moved to a place more hidden from the public eye. Suoh opened his mouth to apologise again, but Rochalizo silenced him with a look.

“Don’t, it’s not necessary. Can I... Can I show you something?”

Suoh blinked a few times and nodded, smiling in wait. The Prince searched for something in his pockets, going through both of them. His face took on a scary air when he thought he had lost whatever he was looking for, but he found it, as he checked twice. His entire face blushed, even his ears - and Suoh didn’t know that was possible - as he handed him a small piece of paper. The paper he had been writing on earlier. Suoh unfolded it slowly, watching Rochalizo as he turned his head away. On the sheet, there were only few small words, but reading them, it made his heart burst with joy. A joy so strong he did not know how to exteriorise it.

Suoh’s hands gave small wrinkles to it, trembling in excitement, but took care as not to tear it. Biting his lips, he closed the piece of paper, replaying the moment he had read it for the first time again and again. Those words, “I love you”. Rochalizo hid his head in his palms, still looking away, talking fast and a lot as if trying to fill the silence which overwhelmed him with uneasiness.

“I’m so sorry, this isn’t fancy of anything and I... I could’ve done something much better. I didn’t want to leave behind something big that could expose you and... I just... I just wanted to say it now and not wait a long time again, but I couldn’t make myself say it... I...-

He was suddenly cut by the weight of someone throwing himself in his arms. Arms strongly wrapping around him and a small face, buried into his shoulder, and then, he felt something wet rolling down his shoulder. Suoh moved back, eyelashes filled with tears and his cheeks wet. The glee in his eyes was so dizzying Rochalizo got almost knocked down. It was an otherwordly vision.

“I love you! I love you”, exclaimed Suoh, sniffing and pressing his hands to his beloved’s upper arms.

Suoh smiled through the tears. In this situation, he felt the need to touch him and he did, cupping his cheeks into his hands and pressing their foreheads together. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him for hours and cherish him, maybe even biting those lips. Rochalizo’s eyes were also on his mouth.

Suoh sighed, this could not go on like this. It hurt both of them. An end must be put to this, but yet, there were still no close in landing to new lands... On a whim, Suoh, took hold of Rochalizo’s hand and dragged him back to the crowd, where people still danced and partied and sang.

“What are you doing?”, the other said, squeezing his hand, puzzled.

“I told you to wait for me and you have...”, he began, searching for his words in the middle of a sea of people and lights, feeling strongly unrational.

“But I’m afraid”, Suoh continued, shaking his head slowly, “I’ve come to realise it is cruel of me to ask you that and by the way... I cannot wait for you any longer...”

Rochalizo’s eyes flickered, unsure of what this meant and if he should be bracing himself for a heartache too great for him to handle. Suoh’s eyes were still sad and gave away some clues, he had made a decision and he didn’t like what he had just decided on, his hair flapping around him miserably.

“What are you trying to say...?”

His chest tightened all the more and suddenly he didn’t want an answer although he had just asked. He wanted to stay in the miserable state of doubt because nothing would hurt more if Suoh chose to leave him.

But once again, unexpectedly, Suoh crashed into his arms, scooting closer and they made eyecontact in a fuzzy mess of feelings of love mixed with excrutiating uncertainty. Suoh’s face leaned towards Rochalizo until they were a few inches apart of each other, their noses brushing and they breathed the same air. Rochalizo’s rested both his hands on the other’s cheeks. Suoh could feel them this time, more than a sole impression, he was certain everyone had stopped to watch them, because he was hearing every sound of the island slowly fade away into inaudibleness, one by one, until he could not hear anything else but the buzzing sound in his own ears. The stress was building in his chest but mightier was the adrenaline he experienced for being this close to Rochalizo and on top of that, where everyone could see them, proudly unhidden. He had had enough and he had enough. They had showed many times they cared about each other, but at the same time, had never really dared. It was high time he caught up with time and that they loved, loved each other in any way they could imagine and put to into acts.

Rochalizo’s lips came closer tentatively, glinting in saliva and swollen, as his hands clutched at Suoh’s hair, almost desperate for affection. Suoh looked at them, probing how much he had desired to kiss him and have everyone know and how many times he had resisted. No more of that. Closing the gap between them, he met with Rochalizo’s mouth and kissed his lips passionately, pouring all his love into the ways he moved against him. And almost simultaneously, the other kissed back with an unmatched urgence and fever. Their mouths were sealed for a long time and for the Gods knew how long, they could not part from each other. It was when the sound of a glass shattering to the ground reached their ears that they both came to stop, both looking in the same direction, meeting the crowd’s eyes.

From the many people which composed it, every face expressed either shock, disapprouval or happiness. They endured the silence, not moving, waiting for whatever punishment would be ordered. But then a voice rose up from the crowd, loud and clear, overjoyed.

“Hell yeah! You go, Suoh!”

Followed by one, then ten, fifty and finally, perhaps half the crowd, hundreds of cries of joy elevated, cheering for them. People clapped, shouted in support, jumped in excitement for them, threw fists in the air, looked all “I knew it”. Some just stood where they were, smiling warmly at them in silent approbation. Oh, there were others, way less supportive but it did not matter now. It was truly something to be acclaimed by hundreds of souls, almost an entire island for what you were, to be declared defensible and worthy of acceptance. Suoh found himself lost in the cries of the crowd, submerged by overall what you could call love, the love of a family who didn’t delude itself and embraced what he chose at core and made him feel alive. Turning to Rochalizo, he gave him a long loving look which the prince reciprocated, grabbing and holding his hand in his. It would be fine in the end.

#cotw #knk #Kujira no Kora wa Sajou ni Utau #Kujira no Kora #children of the Whales #children of the whale #les enfants de la baleine #suoh #suou #rochalizo #rohalito #cotw fanfiction

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commander-orca · 3 years

Text

COTW FANFICTION

CHAPTER 9: THE BROKEN AT EACH OTHER’S THROATS

“Hello Kannavi! Itia greeted, stepping into the infirmary through the front door.

She wore a tunic from here she’d been given on the first day, after the treatments. Her brown hair, still very soberly tied, was discreetly tousled by the wind and her monocle bore the traces of the sun on the glass. She seemed relaxed and the smile on her face, although shocking at first had gradually become one of the expressions she was wearing the most.

"… Hello Itia," the latter replied hesitantly, looking up from his remedies. "Tell me, weren't you supposed to stay in bed for five more days here so the wounds would heal well?" "

Itia nodded in his direction, keeping her smile, bathed in warm light.

“No worries, I'm counting on it. It’s just that I’ve gone out to listen to Suoh's speech.

-Ah. And how was it? "

The young woman raised her palms to the sky, showing that she had no particular opinion.

" I don’t know. He didn't show up.

-Oh ".

The rays of sunshine which accompanied her arrival faded once the door closed with a heavy slam and the room was plunged back into the shadow. Itia quickly took off her shoes and hung her jacket on the coat rack. Kannavi’s eyes followed her as she strolled across the room to her assigned bunk to sit comfortably, legs under the sheets. She breathed peacefully, her chest heaving in regular gusts of air and was mentally present. This carefree, almost lazy air was also new to her, who always seemed wary in Empire territory. Kannavi kept his inner remark to himself and went back to work, rolling up his sleeves.

He was busy crushing herbs in a mortar, then pounding them with a roller, doing a bit of a botched job. He had fallen behind on the chores he had been given for today since he had failed to wake up on time. Fortunately, the infirmary was half empty, most of the patients were still sleeping and Itia's excursion benefitted him well since she didn't seem to have noticed that he had only emerged from bed half an hour ago. Using the excuse of a new environment disrupting his sleep schedule might work for a while, but people here would eventually find out that he wasn’t actually very punctual. However, keeping up appearances for a while wasn't bad in itself; this would allow him to form a new, more flattering temporary image before inevitably one would decide to fire him. In addition, this job was not stressful and did not have the constraints of a superior on your back screaming at you all day that you sucked, unlike back in the Empire. This job was pretty relaxing. So, Kannavi would push himself to work hard and try to stay affiliated for as long as possible.

There were only a few things that really mattered in his life. Making sure you didn't end up on the streets or in jail was one of the most important things. The rest didn't matter. Since childhood, he had had little free will in the end, lugged from family to family like a trinket. Then the army. All these things had been decided for him, without him having a say or being able to influence the course of it and yet, it did not bother him that much. Making decisions for oneself seemed to affect people with crippling anguish and give them all the tools for an even stronger grudge against themselves. That didn't mean he wasn't attached to anything. The young nurse was careful never to stray too far from Orca. But Kannavi preferred his little quiet position; the rudder of his life was not in his hands, he was content being carried by life, chance, people, and if he found himself in an unpleasant situation, he would only have to wait until it would pass. Knowing that we wasn’t at fault for the misfortunes that befell him, or those of others, was a calming thought.

The water in the pot began to boil and he set the temperature to low. He lifted the lid, added the few mint leaves he had pre-cut and the herbal powder he had crushed. The water immediately took on a reddish tint. He replaced the lid on the container.

Rather than a fear of trying or failing, the reason was outrightly simpler than that: Kannavi really didn't wish for anything. Nothing really arose any desires and that surge of excitement others sometimes had looking at their goal from afar, motivating them to work harder, was relatively unknown to him.

"Excuse me if I'm disturbing ...", asked suddenly Itia's voice hatching through the hissing of the pan, "But can I talk to you about something?"

Kannavi raised an eyebrow, astonished by this wording. People never came to him for serious discussions. Hands caught in the herbs, he continued to extract their juice and stir it vigorously in a bowl. Without looking back, he said:

“It depends on what you want to talk about. I am often told that I am not very delicate, you know ... "

Behind his back, Itia's voice grew more hesitant. The blankets had just moved and she too, making the slats of the bed creak. Outside, a gust of wind shook the windows and the shutters creaked against the walls; the weather was getting colder.

"I know, but ... I have the impression that you are the only one who can really enlighten me on that topic”.

-Mmh. Go ahead... "

At that moment, the door to the infirmary swung open and cracked loudly against the back wall. A clear, confident voice exclaimed, echoing through the room:

“Kannavi! "

Itia jumped up and fell silent, crouching in the back of her bunk, disappointed. Taken by surprise, Kannavi whirled around, his gloves dripping with berry juice beading on the floor. Orca strode towards him. He looked cheerful and more light-hearted than he had been in the past few days, which reassured him. When he had visited his friend at his place a few days ago, Orca had subtly tried to hold him back, stealing part of his night before he had returned to his own hut. The young nurse suspected nightmares, linked to their last adventures perhaps ... However, he was dumbfounded to find him here; usually, he refrained from visiting the most vulnerable and from mingling in the places where the inhabitants gathered.

Orca grabbed his shoulders, half laughing, half teasing. His pale hair twitched at the rhythm of his smile.

"Kannavi, I thought I was going to die of laughter ... I walked out of the council and ... Saw you take a sprint all the way here half-dressed ... I see someone overslept again!

The nurse gritted his teeth and turned a quarter of a turn to glance over his shoulder; he could feel stares on him. Awakened by this sudden animation in the infirmary, a few patients sat in their beds and were now staring at them with a disapproving air. Kannavi grabbed him by the arm, a small displeased pout clearly visible on his face. What an idiot. The duality of his personality was probably a little too strong at times: playing the eloquent strategist at important meetings and immediately switching to a carefree joker when he was no longer doing anything related to his personal affairs and interests. That was probably why he got into so much trouble.

"Oru ... Lower your voice a bit! Come to the back-shop ... And you just ruined my coverage! I'm going to be fired now ... "

Orca took a quick look around and looked as though he had finally realized the presence of the convalescents. He immediately put his hand to his lips, feeling sorry. Nodding, he quietly followed the direction his friend was pointing. But it would have been to be underestimating Itia who sat up on her pillows, looking furious and threw her legs to the side, ready to jump.

“Wait… Kannavi !?, Itia exclaimed, whose mind had just connected the dots to Orca's words,“Did I hear correctly? You just arrived ?

-Uh ... "

Kannavi readjusted his apron, looking for something to make up or justify. But frankly, there wasn't much to say… He sighed, giving up any attempt to lie.

Orca watched him, putting his hand over his mouth once again, but most likely hiding a chuckle this time around.

“Itia, please come too. If you want to reprimand me, reprimand me in the back-shop”.

Itia got up hastily from her bed, her face closed and fists clenched, and walked in a straight line towards the storage room.

"And that I will do," she muttered through her teeth. "You too, Sir Orca".

Orca raised a few fingers awkwardly at her as she walked past him, a sly smile on his lips.

“Hello Itia.

"Hello Sir Orca," Itia retorted, coldly, as if she had just returned a mockery.

Her figure disappeared under the beaded curtain that separated the main room from the storage area. The brown beads tinkled for a few moments, knocking against each other, hinting between their strings the shape of a shelf and medical posters stuck against the yellowed walls, then froze again, giving the curtain the air of a real wall. Silence fell in the infirmary. Orca exchanged a look with Kannavi, Kannavi's wide eyes meant he was expecting to be given some wild dressing down. His friend nodded, pulling his long hair to the side and shrugging, silently exposing him that he didn't know what he had done to get there. The two men followed her, both looking constrained and sheepish. Kannavi entered the storeroom and leaned against one of the shelves containing the syringes, stethoscopes, and other essentials. Orca removed a stack of papers from the old chair and sat down, bringing the papers to his knees. Itia, for her part, closed the door to the storeroom and remained standing in order to appear more authoritative. She crossed her arms, looking at them in turn, saying nothing. Orca turned his head, pretending to be captivated by the medical scale. He whispered faintly to his friend:

"Ah ... I don't like it when she does that." It means she will -

- Tell me, are you not being serious ?! "

Orca stopped talking immediately, blinking several times. Fury shook Itia's voice, the two of them didn't have to look at her to know that.

"Do you think you are on a vacation or staying at a hotel? Think you can afford to skip your assigned duties and lounge around all day ?! "

“Itia…” Kannavi began, taken aback, “I must have told you already, but… I'm not very good at keeping a job. But I’m trying, obviously. I don't want to lose this job, it's the quietest I've had so far ... "

Itia's face took on a more scarlet color. Swooping down on the young nurse, she grabbed one of the flyaway locks sticking out of his head.

"I can’t believe it! Is that all you care about, Kannavi ?!

–Not my hair Itia, please, ”he begged,“ They still have to grow! "

Orca stared at them, alarmed and hastened to cover his own hair with his hands.

Itia released a panicked Kannavi and walked away. In the corner of the room was an old, moth-eaten desk, neglected because of its disparate surface area that made it difficult to disinfect. The young woman grabbed it with both hands and pulled it with her. She brought it to the center of the room, in front of the two men, after much effort and squeaking. Perched on the table, her legs hanging out to the side, she smirked. It was a more than satisfying sight: these two slackers, looking at her from below, somewhat tense, anticipating what her next move would be. A rare sight that neither of them turned a deaf ear to her or only half-listened to her! But, remembering what she had to say, she lost her smile and granted them a serious expression.

“I believe you’re still caught up in your illusions or you just don't realize, but these people are our only chance to have a normal and maybe even happy life. We hurt them tremendously, many of them died under our attacks. And yet, they’re forgiving us! "

She paused, scrutinizing them closely. Strangely, a glimmer of full attention burned in Kannavi's eyes and he had shed his slumped position. On the contrary, Orca was looking away, occasionally smoothing out the folds of his dress over his crossed leg.dominant, but his wiggling pupils in their sockets, proved that he was also drinking her words.

“We need to give them reasons to trust us a and to have forgiven us! If all goes well, maybe they will allow us to live here. It would be convenient, we who have nowhere to go now! But it is not by botching your work - Itia stared firmly at Kannavi - or by doing nothing - she let a glare fall on her superior - that they will come to consider such a thing!

Kannavi held up a quiet hand, hoping to be able to place a word. He made a small thoughtful sound, but avoided completely contradicting the young woman. His hair still had a long life ahead of it.

"Excuse me, Itia, but I think Orca does a lot for the Clay Whale. He participates in all the councils and has recently started on guard tours ... "

Orca turned his head towards him, eyebrows raised. Itia scowled, looking annoyed. Her hands took the shape of a triangle as she looked up at the ceiling light.

"I know that, Kannavi, but you see, I think Sir Orca has to work twice as hard as we need to."

“Not to the point of collapsing anywa—” the other protested, before being interrupted by Orca who had placed a soothing hand on his shoulder, as if making a call for him to stop.

“No need, Kannavi. She's right. I have to try harder ”.

Kannavi stared at him flatly; Orca was already very involved. Was it possible to try harder? Itia, meanwhile, fixed her pair of eyes on the commander, as if she was rediscovering him. He rarely admitted his wrongs. It was a good thing, it put her in a good mood.

“Anyway, we owe them a lot and I think it is essential for us to help. I can clearly see the efforts of Sir Orca ", she resumed, in a more tender voice,"And I see, given the level of fatigue he has shown in recent days, that he’s worked a lot ".

Even though, embarrassed at the thought that he had plausibly caused her chickweed, her superior lowered his head.

"Get more involved ... What I mean by that is that I find you oddly withdrawn, Sir Orca," Itia said, a soft and compassionate smile dawning on her lips. “You should dare more to sympathize with them. Regain self-confidence. The people of the Clay Whale also recognize you as the one who saved them from an undisputable disaster now ... "

With that, her superior looked away again. Itia, who continued to look at him, began to swing her legs off the top of the old desk, having lost track for a moment. Kannavi took hold of the silence to think about something that had just re-appeared in his thoughts. Itia had said she wanted to talk to him on a certain subject. A subject on which only he could enlighten her ...

"Well ... I'm aware that I haven't done much myself either. I have caused concern and as an injured person I require extra work. I hope I can get down to business soon.”

- You must not feel guilty Itia. These injuries are not your fault… I'm sure you'll find a way to be useful here and fit in really well, ”Kannavi assured him.

The young woman smiled at him, thanking him with a nod, then her gaze fell on Orca who had risen from his chair and dusted his dress vigorously. Itia put her hand towards him as if to hold him back, then hid her hand behind his back.

"Leaving already, Sir Orca?" "

Orca's bangs slid to the side as he swiveled his head towards her to fix her in amusement.

"You give us nice talks about the usefulness of being productive but find it useful to just sit there twiddling your thumbs?" "

Itia scowled and crossed her arms again.

“We’re not twiddling our thumbs. I argue with you for the best. You could have waited for me to finish! "

Orca raised his eyebrows, not losing that mocking smile.

" Well ?

"M-Make an effort to get along with people, please," Itia grumbled, irritated by his impatience and rudeness, “And be more polite”.

Her boss gave one last cheeky little smile before nodding and walking out the door. He arched his back to squeeze under the curtain. The young nurse followed him with his eyes, inwardly amused by this vision; Orca was almost too tall for the dimensions of the Whale, and you sometimes thought you saw an intruder in a children's village. In front of him, the young woman came down gracefully from the office and slandered in frustration. Why did he always have to nod with that smirk that seemed to mean he didn't get it?

“Ah! By the way, Itia, you wanted to talk to me about something ...? Kannavi asked.

The young woman seemed to hesitate. After a while, she opened her mouth to start something, but a high-pitched crash suddenly interrupted her. Then, bursts of voices. Dismayed, Kannavi got up immediately and hurried to the main wing of the infirmary. Itia sighed loudly. You could never have calm for a second here ... Following the nurse, she stepped through the beaded curtain and froze, just like him at her side. The two young people found Orca on the other side of the curtain in confrontation with the Prince of Amonlogia. Slightly behind them, the island's chief, Suoh, stared at a small object at his feet, his palms still open suggesting it had once been in his hands. Rochalizo took a step closer to Orca, his concave nose upturned with great contempt.

" What’s your fucking problem!? You’re all quiet now. Think you can get away with this ?! "

The atmosphere that fell on the room had grown heavy. Dozens of pairs of eyes on them, the two leaders stared at each other in silence, exchanging mute threats and disdain. Orca met his gaze, firm, yet not trying to defend himself in the slightest. Rochalizo's heterochromic eyes were very lively, seething with explosive rage. Kannavi focused on the faint marks of saimia appearing on Orca's forearms, jiggling dangerously, then on the Prince's clenched fists which vibrated crescendo on either side of his body; he thought for a moment that they’d come to get into a fight. But the tension dropped somewhat and the latter finally clenched his teeth and exclaimed again in a calmer, hissing voice:

“Go back to the Country, you only cause issues here. Nobody wants you, not even your sister! "

Orca rounded his eyes for a moment, but didn't show more of him being destabilised. Hiding behind his eyelids and long bangs, he walked out of the room quickly.

Running after him, the young nurse held back the clapper and also rushed outside. Silence fell, sharper this time and suffocating. Itia bit her lip, completely shattered. Presumably unaffected by his surrounding’s unease, Rochalizo crouched down to pick up the pieces of the object - the small sculpture of a tree made of wood, half of the branches and trunk of which had split in two from the shock. . Once gathered between his fingers, he came back to Suoh's height and sought his gaze insistently.

“Suoh? Are you okay ? He jostled you, didn't he? "

The young chief's face darkened a little more and his hands fell against his sides like a relaxed rubber band.

"Hey, answer me," the Prince persisted, scratching his friend's apron with the tips of his blue fingernails. The words were harsh but the gesture was gentle.

Itia could only watch them, feeling deep inside her a great despair threatening to drown her entirely. Was it futile to try to obtain forgiveness from civilians? Rochalizo was not part of the Whale but they seemed to have adopted him for good. The inhabitants, maintaining in their customs a sympathy and a great compassion for others, had never reproached her for not being in her place or for being an enemy, nevertheless, this tradition of 'forgiveness obliges' did not say everything and sometimes she could feel a reminiscent indignation in their hearts, which had not been listened to, for lack of any outlet. Rochalizo's lack of tact was certainly hurtful to those who ran and crashed into it, but Itia appreciated it for the sole reason that she was sure it was the key to understanding how people here felt, what 'they dared not say. The Prince must have had grown up in an environment which had encouraged him to be frank… Itia couldn't say that was wrong, but his harsh words risked causing further clashes.

Did Rochalizo's words hurt Orca by the way? No one could be sure. She would probably go check on him later in order to oversee the mental strength of his superior. Superior who had just caused another incident ... What a pity. She was starting to wonder if her words had really had effect, when Suoh's voice pulled her from her personal introspection.

“Excuse me, Itia. I was dumbfounded for a while and - he gave a light laugh - I must’ve dramatized. After all, it's just a statuette. It is possible to do it again! "

Rochalizo, looking unhappy to have been pushed to the conversation’s background, leaned forward, still trying to get the island chief's attention.

“It's not just a statuette. Remind me how many hours you spent there ?! You have the right to be pissed off.

"As long as it's not human loss, I don't care," Suoh assured, looking serene.

With the broom hanging from the workbench, he too knelt down and quickly collected the last splinters of wood littering the ground that Rochalizo had neglected. Itia was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable. In normal times, she would have paid little attention to it; the misfortunes of others are usually not her problem. Taking care of other people's problems always brought a lot of trouble. However, in this delicate position, his inability to be able to repair the damage caused or to be able to do something to alleviate the situation caused her great distress. Mortified, the young woman bowed before them, not knowing how else to express the guilt that was rising to her head.

“I'm really sorry for what happened. I'm sure Sir Orca didn't wish for any of that to happen, "she stammered a little before coming to herself and stating clearly," You have to know ... He thinks highly of you! "

Rochalizo mumbled something between his teeth that sounded like a:

"Yeah, well when he gets something from it ..."

Itia bowed again, an attempt to renew her assertion. A benevolent smile broke on Suoh's lips. Clasping his hands together in front of his now soft face, he reassured her as best he could.

“No need to apologize, Itia, please. There are still tensions between our two peoples, but it will only get better, - the Prince pulled a pout which was ignored by all - I am convinced of it, believe me! "

The young woman nodded. Suoh was the lung of the island; his patience and the strength of his ideals would guide them. She had no choice, she left it entirely to him. If the Clay Whale and the United Kingdom of Siderasia had managed to come to a diplomatic understanding despite barbaric beginnings, there must be chances of striving for peace between their nations. Tensions would eventually run out of steam and, perhaps, new bonds would blossom, based on a land of mutual trust and aid.

"I'm in your hands, Suoh," Itia repeated, solemnly, her eyes closed.

A ray of sunlight shone through the infirmary, lighting Suoh's face in a golden glow. His long dress shimmered in the light, its whiteness evoking a divine sign, uttering in the room, a moment of peace. His clasped hands tightened more firmly, a proof of his resolve.

" Of course. Our agreement is only partly postponed. After all, even though we are so much more than that, we are all here victims of the Empire, aren't we? "

As they left the building side by side, Rochalizo pulled Suoh by the sleeve, forcing him to slow down. His worried expression, shaded by the red strands falling over his eyes, he seemed to want to give in to anger, before resigning himself. Hoarse and at the same time cracked, like the sound of a candle crackling in the night, he called out in a low voice:

" Hey. Suoh. Your hands are bleeding again”.

Suoh didn't bother to lower his head to the skin covering his joints, unalarmed. He was used to seeing on his hands, those fingernail marks crossing his flesh with scars or bright red gashes barely coagulated, manifestations of his anguish and inner sadness. It was a habit before, a daily sight since the day Sami died. However, knowing that they were engraved deep in his skin, accompanying him in daily adversity, was a sign of comfort inexplicably. It was the evidence that he had survived until then all the most disastrous days and that he had a way of getting rid of strong emotions. Suoh resumed his walk, imperturbably.

“I'll take care of them when I get home.

“No, you're going to take care of them now,” the Prince stubbornly raised his voice.

With force, he grabbed the shoulders of the young chief, standing in front of him to block the way and anchored his eyes in his menacingly.

"And wear bandages. Now."

The threat in his voice was clear, but his nervous twitching lower lip implied another thing.

"I would like to know ...", Rochalizo reiterated, his voice shaken, as Suoh looked down at the stream of blood flowing from his knuckles to his elbows, "... Why you hurt yourself so much these days".

#cotw fanfiction #suoh #rochalizo #rohalito #suou #children of the Whales #children of the whale #Kujira no Kora wa Sajou ni Utau #Kujira no Kora #les enfants de la baleine #knk #orca #orka #orca cotw #cotw orca #kannavi #kannabi #itia

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commander-orca · 3 years

Text

COTW FANFICTION

CHAPTER 10: SEDITIOUS TALKS, SEDITIOUS TRUCES

Eyes fixed on her pocket watch, Itia grinned when she heard the young caregiver rush into the infirmary. Resting her book on the edge of the bed between the folds of the blanket, she brought her legs up against her, carefully following the large hand of the clock; it had just passed the number twelve again. Near the entrance, the wall clock accompanied the new hour with a few gleeful tinkles.

“I see you’ve made an effort to be on time, Kannavi. That’s good, ”she commented with delight.

His philtrum slightly sweaty, the young man leaned against the large cupboards, his back bent. His hands on his thighs, his half-open mouth was letting out his short, hoarse breath. After a few heavy breaths, he looked up at her and tried to articulate a handful of words before giving in, dipping his head forward. Amused, Itia asked him what frantic race he had just ran and if by any chance he had sprinted around the entire Whale. A few more gasps later, Kannavi replied that he kept forgetting instruments and that he must have ran back a dozen times over. By what miracle had he then managed to be on time ?, was a question Itia could not help asking him, his eyes widening with curiosity. The young man straightened up, going back to his nonchalant self. With his free hand, he took care of some of his locks, stuck to his moist forehead.

"I know it sounds like a lie, but I can run fast ...," Kannavi assured, tilting his head to the side, "Although I don't see the use of it except in case my life would be put in danger. But let's say that it is mainly thanks to the five alarm clocks that Orca gave me in addition to mine ... ”.

Itia gave a small laugh:

"Sure you couldn't sleep after all that racket," she added.

The conversation fell flat and, processing their short conversation, the young woman felt a strong sense of pride radiate from her. All those days spent in the infirmary had mentally worn her down and made her feel more helpless than ever. Knowing that her words had had a positive impact on her comrades soothed the desperate restlessness that weighed on her chest. She had the power to make a difference even locked in here and that was what she wanted to do more than anything from now on. Perhaps it was those suppressed emotions that finally resurfaced, but her freezing apathy on other people's feelings had started to disgust her; she would no longer deign to remain passive in the face of injustice. However, it went without saying that she could not fix everything... Despite the efforts of their two peoples, their reconciliation was still delayed and although it something was off between her superior and the prince of Amonlogia ... She could not force them to find a common ground...

It was unbearable to her. But she also knew it was inevitable. People with strong temperament tended to ram into each other and tread on each other’s toes and there could be no agreement without a little confrontation. Luckily, his boss had seemed little tormented by the exchange - or rather the one-sided taunting - of the incident from the day before. Itia prayed this would not last and that the damage could be lessened by those around them. No, rather, she was confident; Suoh had succeeded in lifting her spirits and in altering her way of thinking in considering only the favorable outcomes.

Suoh being the leader of the Mud Whale had taken her aback at first, but now she fully understood why all of his people respected and loved him. His boundless benevolence and the inner peace he managed to convey to his surroundings as well as his mental stability made him an ideal commander. If he ever allowed them to stay, Itia would be honored to pledge allegiance to him.

Pulling his sleeves up, the young nurse walked up to the sink and began the sanitary procedure. Little by little, the small prickling sounds of the hammering against the sink and those of the terracotta jars colliding with each other shrouded the infirmary in a cottony and reassuring atmosphere. Laying in her bed, Itia no longer knew where all these clicks and tinkles came from, but she noticed vaguely that a saucepan had just been put on the fire and was simmering gently. Water was trickling into the dishes and a scent of jasmine reached her nostrils, mixed with a faint scent of denatured alcohol. Her eyes gradually closed, struggling against a desire to stay awake that had no obvious purpose. The glow of the candles in their copper plinths seemed to have faded, the penetrating light of dawn already, and slowly, entirely eclipsing their glow.

She must have grown soft, she figured, on the threshold of a heavy sleep. She, who could not bear to remain still, now enjoyed remaining idle, snuggled under the saffron sheets, contemplating for hours the walls the ceiling, also saffron-coloured. Everything was a quiet yellow. It felt nice to stay there and not have to worry about anything for once, other than choosing meals or having conversations with other patients. Perhaps for the first time in her life, she was spending time with herself, following her own feelings. And that drowsy state was wonderfully soothing ...

“Ah Itia, don't fall asleep just yet!”, a voice protested above her.

Tediously opening her eyes, the young woman recognized Kannavi's face at her bedside, leaning over her, a roll of gauze in his hand.

"I have to change your compress," he gesticulated, looking a little puzzled and at the same time bewildered, making his face look comical.

“Of course, I forgot”.

The slats squeaked under her weight as she got up and leaned back against the headboard, still sleepy. Her gaze caught sight of two patients in the hallway which was parallel to the windows, sipping their teas in silence and a few bunks away, three more eating breakfast in large spoonfuls. A little unsettled, she asked what time it was.

"It's twelve to twenty. You've been drowsing for three hours, I think, ”, Kannavi said nonchalantly, busy soaking alcohol in a piece of cloth and preparing a clean compress. "Could you lift your top up to the solar plexus, please Itia?" "

Itia did so and turned her uncovered abdomen towards Kannavi who knelt down and began to peel off the bandage. Shortly after, the young woman wiggled a little on the spot, inconvenienced. The nurse was not insensitive to her discomfort; Abashed, he rubbed his palms and fingers vigorously against his apron two or three times, hoping to improve the quality of his care.

"Forgive me, my hands are cold".

With delicacy, he began to peel off the adhesive part and collecting in a cloth the lumpy pieces from the previous poultice before making sure of its effect. Behind his long lashes, his deep-browned eyes were perched on the wound, forming the new diagnosis.

"Looks like the epithem has taken effect. It caused a slight scar keloid, but that did not turn into a general infection and we are lucky to have sterilized equipment here which also prevented nosocomial infection”.

"Uh ... In English, Kannavi?" Itia said, puzzled.

"Hm? Oh ... Well ... Everything is fine. You’ll be able to return to your daily tasks within a few days ”.

Quickly applying the disinfectant to the swollen skin, not sparing his patient from a few grimaces, he finished by placing a new strip of clean gauze on her. Itia thanked him for his work, feeling the compress with the tip of her fingers then readjusting her top on her bare skin. She had looked quite embarrassed some minutes from now.

"Say, Kannavi ..."

The young nurse now didn’t face her anymore, busy gathering his equipment on a medical platform. The velocity in his gestures was a warning sign to anyone who wouldn't even bother to notice that he was overwhelmed with this morning's chores. And yet Itia risked asking the question all the same. It couldn't wait any longer. She waited for him to turn to her and move closer to the edge of the bed to begin asking. Before uttering the words she dreaded, her eyes wandered over the hospital wing door and beyond. It was a calm morning, nothing it would seem, would come to disturb them in their conversation and yet, now that she had been granted the opportunity, she was seized with a violent temptation to run the other way and pretend she only wished a glass of water from him.

"I know you're really busy today but ... It's about Sir Orca."

The moment had arrived; she finally dived in. Kannavi raised an eyebrow, his fingers playing with the pen attached to the front of his white work coat pocket.

"You know him well, don't you?" He said you were his one and only friend ”.

Her interlocutor raised two fingers to his chin, lost in thought for a few seconds.

"… If he told you that, then it must be true," he conjectured, nodding sharply, "Now that you mention it, I have never seen him confiding or having a good time with someone else his age.

- Well ... Kannavi, that seems obvious to me. If he had another friend other than you, he would be here too, ” Itia retorted flatly, stunned by his lack of discernment. "Anyway ... Since you are close, I was wondering if he had let you in regarding ... Something about us ...

- Something about you–?

- Ah, forget it, I should have guessed that with you, I must go directly to the point. Tell me, did he tell you that he’s proposed to me? "

Kannavi looked genuinely rattled; his jaw unhooked and that stunned air now never leaving his face. From the pen his fingers were playing with, a sudden creak rose and the metal bar serving as a retainer and the pen both crashed to the floor.

" Really... ? He asked, after a long painful silence.

Itia replied in the affirmative. Filled with an embarrassment whose origin she did not know, she scratched her forearm lightly, her eyes looking away from Kannavi.

“It happened while we were in the invocation circle. He hasn't spoken about it since… This situation is very embarrassing. And besides, I'm sorry to have to get you involved in all of this. I'm just ... Clueless. And I was wondering if ... If you could ... "

Hearing her, the young caregiver raised a hand to his face, his thumb and index joined to signify that there was no problem and that he would gladly take care of the matter. Then he left quickly, leaving Itia to her thoughts; the day would still be long for him and he did not have time to devote himself to matters of the heart. Falling in love ... That seemed like a poor choice in these precarious times ... Didn't people have anything better to do? But maybe he was asking himself the wrong questions. People who fell in love seemed happy, at least for a while, and hardships were said to strengthen love. Younger, he would have liked to understand this feeling. But could someone find him attractive? The answer so far had been inconclusive...

He was about to go and treat another patient when the front door squeaked in the familiar creak and a silhouette entered the room in a small din of crumpled rain gear and growls. Taking off their shoes and sending their soggy boots waltz under the coat rack, the figure joined Kannavi at his counter as he was thinking sadly of his futile efforts to mop the hallway. Kannavi gave them a glance over his shoulder. The Prince of Amonlogia?

"What a foul weather ...", began the Prince, in order to strike up a conversation, however formulating his request without further time-consuming transition. "Tell me, doctor, don’t you have any herbal infusions left?" "

The young nurse bit his lip for a second, thinking less about the potential they still possessed rather than where they might have been stored. Things went on like this every day, he had a little trouble getting used to the infirmary's tidying up methods, he who usually didn't bother tidying up ...

“I think so…” he said, tiptoeing up to search the cupboards over the sink, “There are several. Which ones would you need? "

"I have visitors, so it would be soothing herbs, preferably."

- How many guests for? Kannavi asked politely.

“Only one. For me, ”Rochalizo retorted, rolling his eyes, his nose wrinkled in annoyance,“ They're already getting on my nerves ”.

OoOoO

Rochalizo thought he had grown used to being in poor company. The monkeys on this island all had the same irritating idealism as well as a steadfast worship of rules and protocols. If these weren't followed strictly, they then gave in to a frenzied panic, perhaps expecting to be struck by the thunderbolt of their wrathful ancestors. Even if he had been relieved that he could escape for a few minutes the advisers who had come to squat at his house, he now wondered what mess they been causing and if it had been wise to leave them alone there. Well... Suoh was with them. But, no offense to Suoh, he believed he would not be the strong hand he needed to help get them out.

He crossed the threshold, holding little bags of herbs, pushing open the door and sighing hard. Dazzled for a moment by the fire burning in the hearth, he stopped in the middle of the entrance, blinking in the orange light. A slight hubbub filled the small room interrupted from time to time by the creaking embers in the fireplace and the wet sound of water flowing through the gutters under the skylights. The consultants conversed with each other around the oak table, talking with liveliness, surrounded by cushions and other comfortable assortments. They hardly noticed his presence. But at the end of the table, oblivious and inattentive to the conversation anyway, Suoh turned his head, sensitive to the noise and almost instantly, his gaze lit up when he met Rochalizo's. The prince greeted him back, waving his hand discreetly, a smile creeping into his frustrated expression anyway.

The island chief kept smiling at him, so Rochalizo waved vaguely with both his hands, a silent question on the topic of the conversation. The smile Suoh gave him was a heartwarming smile; looking close to laughing, he shrugged casually, the hair wrapped around his neck sliding like snakes down his humerus. Rochalizo wrinkled his nose in amusement too and waved his hand to ask him if it was really important and especially that it all looked extremely boring. A finger pinched on his lower lip, half-hiding a smile, Suoh gave him a fake disapproving look. With his other hand, wrapped in a bandage, he mimick for the prince to leave. "You, get out of here," Rochalizo moved his lips at him silently, his smile so big it hurt a little, then imitated a Suoh bored to death, tongue out. Suoh suppressed another laugh behind his hand and aped back at him that he was stupid before drawing an invisible zipper over his mouth, playfully telling him to shut up. Rochalizo huffed, more and more amused and with a nod, tried to get him to come to him.

"… That's a good idea, isn't it, Suoh?" Kuchiba said at that moment, turning to his boss.

His expression went through several stages of surprise, anger and exasperation within seconds when he realized that Suoh hadn't been listening for a while. Staring at the two young people exchanging inconspicuous signs, annoyance took hold and he crossed his arms, followed by Kanae, looking less accusing and more discouraged. Shinono appeared to be the most entertained of her peers but tried to keep a professional attitude.

“Hey, Suoh. Rochalizo. Would it be too much to ask that you focus a little ? "

The two leaders froze, in a very childlike manner, as if they’d been caught stealing treats. Suoh got out of it faster and smoothed his hair down with his fingertips, looking embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he uttered softly.

Rochalizo's cheeks flushed a bit from the shame of being caught in such a ridiculous conversation, but categorically refused to apologize; filling the distance between them, he leaned his elbows on the table and gave the councilors a very annoyed look, an annoyed smirk clearly announcing what he thought of this small assembly.

"Kuchiba, and you guys... How would you like to get the heck out of here?" My home’s not a meeting room! ”

"Ah shoot…" Kanae grimaced, strongly expecting an argument to break out.

Beside her, Suoh sighed desperately, knowing all too well what was about to happen, his forehead in his hand. Kuchiba clenched his fists and raised one in the air, explicitly directed at the prince.

“Maybe I must remind you that we are in war times, there is a lot to do at the moment. And you're supposed to help us just as much as an advisor. We're not just busy escaping the enemy, we also need a plan to get ourselves out of this stressful situation and seek for a new hom, in case you’d forgotten”.

- Oh I haven't forgotten”, Rochalizo stubbornly persisted, his voice dropping a few tones in the low," But your five-hours-a-day-councils is a big pain in arse. Especially if it is to talk endlessly as you do and not even finding a concrete solution. And if I'm hosting Suoh here, it's not so that you can come and piss him off ?! Got it? "

"Of course you don't care," Kuchiba retorted angrily, "You're just a kid. You shouldn't have any responsibility at all!

- What did you say ?! Do you think you are more useful, you old man !? "

Both had grasped the other's collar, determined to throw fists when, with a knowing look, Kanae and Suoh both rose from their chairs in an attempt to pull them apart. Suoh circled Rochalizo's waist and tried to forcefully pull him back. Kanae grabbed Kuchiba's left arm.

“Both of you stop !! The young advisor muttered, breathless trying to push her superior as far away as possible.

"Rochalizo, please," the young chef urged him, his whole face crumpled from the slightest physical effort.

“Suoh, let go of me. I'll give him a good beating! "

They struggled a little longer, to the protests of their comrades. When all at the end of their breath, collapsed to the ground, Shinono, who had remained seated without saying anything, took advantage of the silence that had finally settled down to show off his diplomatic skills.

"Are you all calmed down?" How about you all sit down at the table now? She offered, trying to sound cheerful.

Taking a few steps away from them, she picked up the small bags of herbs the prince had brought back from the infirmary.

" Oh ! I found some tea! Anyone wants some tea? "

Not waiting for an answer, she whirled around the kitchen area and hastened to heat some water in one of the large pots that hung on the wall.

“Hey…” Rochalizo grumbled, still breathless, his cheek glued to the ground and his side slumped to the ground, “The tea originally was for me… Because you all get on my nerves”

His last words were muffled in his throat as Suoh put an arm around his shoulders and declared, beaming:

"I would really love a tea".

Having had time to calm down a little, the small group had gathered around the table, all pressed against each other, this poor piece of wood not being used to welcoming so many people. Cups filled with tea let out thin miasmas of white steam and they all had curled their hands around the hot mugs - except Shinono who was telling a story - surprised by the coolness of the night which, despite the crackling fire, had infiltrated inside. Rochalizo had wrapped himself up in a blanket, a little sensitive to the climate of the Whale as soon as the sun went down. Suoh's head was starting to tilt down slowly, though he tried to pay close attention to the anecdotes that were being told. Rochalizo glanced at the window to his right, it must have been around seven o'clock. Their company turned out to be rather pleasant, unlike the first and major part of the day, but he had to admit that he wished for calm now.

"S’cuse me," he spoke up through the hubbub, leaping up from the bench which began stiffening his bones.

Suoh, who hadn't said anything for a while, his chin resting on his arms, looked up at him with a slight smile of relief.

“It was nice, really. But I am compelled to have you leave now. I'm serious this time, ”the prince continued. “You’re as funny as you’re invasive, and all good and bad things must come to an end”.

"What is this half-kind, half-passive-aggressive farewell speech," Kuchiba complained, laughing, extricating himself from his seat and meticulously combing his matted red hair.

"It's a respectable elocution dismissing you all home and strictly forbidding you to come back at least - and please don’t be afraid to abuse of this 'at least' - before eleven o'clock tomorrow morning", Rochalizo clarified, posing, one foot on the bench, arms raised in the air like a statue honoring a war victory.

" Eleven o'clock ?! Kanae choked as she picked up her rain jacket from the coat rack and slipped an arm inside. " It's late ".

The other councilors joined her one by one in the hall, donning their rain gear and soon said their farewells for the day. On the way home, as the small group of elders slaloming between muddy puddles, walking in a comfortable silence, Shinono turned to Kuchiba in order to convey her concerns.

"Kuchiba, are you sure we can let them tell us what to do? These are hard times after all ... "

The latter sighed, his eyes staring in the void. He too was wondering that same thing and had even thought of taking advice from the assembly of veterans and asking them to intervene to get the young leader to take better responsability for his role. Many incidents had started this way in the past and they could not repeat the disaster Dyo's reign had been; each leader had to be under control to avoid any upheavals and he had always revered this rule which for him was of an implacable justice and logic. So why loosen up now? Maybe it was because he was barely sixteen and ended up getting attached? Maybe because he wanted to alleviate his burdens out of compassion? No, it was rather ...

"I meant what I said earlier ... But not in that mean way. They are just kids after all, who have already been given so much responsibility. If we don't let the children live, they will live by force when we need them to be responsible the most... And I'm sure they know what they're doing. I will stop interfering ”.

Shinono's expression brightened, dumbfounded. Her comrade’s response was wise and she slowly nodded, cherishing that hint of comfort that had just dawned within her. Her lids closed over her eyes and let a glimpse of the raindrops that had clung to her lashes.

" You are right. Let's leave them ”.

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commander-orca · 3 years

Text

Cotw fanfiction - If torment you I must anew, at least drink from my hands

Tags: Rochalizo x Suoh, Suoh x Rochalizo, Princeshipping, Parrot soul, watch me dig angst from the most unsuspected places, healthy fluff-angst balance, or is it?, kissing scenes, some comfort, self-care tips, guns, force-feeding and force-drinking, injuries, the amount of guilt matches the surface of the sun, self-hate, suicidal tendencies, if this was a college students AU they couldn't be more tired, mention of severe thinness, brainwashing, sleep @ Suoh: let me innnnn!!!, Rochi is a cutie, dumb jokes, I can't believe they say prostitute, this a hate pipe post, communication fails are so annoying but so funny, I made Suoh's bad tendency worse but which? find out for $3.9 jk, visiting the mayor's house is kinda gay if you ask me, YES I KNOW THE END IS BASICALLY THE DISNEY BRAVE but what can I say it's my favourite

Much alike any force or incidence which had occured today and had carved their consequences into destiny, the winds were against them. They howled and whirled around the mast, the sail so swollen it threatened to rip apart and pushed the raft backwards wave after wave, challenging to a duel their efforts to keep it moving starboard. Rochalizo's ears rang, bearing each jolt of the gusts and despite the luminous break through the sky which dawned upon his brow, signing miraculously, the end to all conflicts, all he could see was more grey clouds, looming on the horizon. Weighting the full load of his body on the paddle, he rammed it into the deep waters; their surface displayed no reflection, as black and as agitated as they were. He would know better than to attribute any kind of morality to natural elements, however, whilst he and this exceptionnaly small crew consisting of one who paddled hard, shattered their muscles to a pulp to gain some distance, it crossed his mind that this wild sea and winds could be no other things than wicked.

Balancing his body forward, a foamy wave splashed into his face and he tasted its salt. The liquid went down his throat in a light burn. Eyes closing immediately, coughing and wiping it off his mouth, he groaned slightly and carried on. Pushing on the staff, he was moved by a strong-willed energy which did not run out, in spite of the increasing pain in his shoulders. His back arched, he was panting heavily, ignoring the thin trail of sweat on the brink of his nose.

"Sir Rochalizo!", protested the small man besides him, patting the flank of his arm with the side of the paddle he too held, "Let me do this, it is my duty!"

The young man kept his gaze fixed on the waves, sticking the pole in the sea and pulling it again and again, battling with the flows so they could hope to swallow yet another parcel of water that still stood between them and their goal. They moved at a decent speed, but still so slowly to his taste. Resting his aching shoulder on the secondary mast, preparing to paddle from this side, he gulped his saliva too steeply and almost choked on it. As he gasped and looked for oxygen amidst the stingy salty breeze, his eyes landed on his brother's profile. The latter stared back, arms crossed above his folded leg. He had not moved from his seat since they had floated the boat but Rochalizo had felt his eyes silently judging from that moment. So he could focus on yanking, he averted his gaze and executed the movement a lot harder this time. Nevertheless, in the process of doing that, the heel of his boot stuck between the wooden tiles.

Violently hindered in track, Rochalizo lost his balance and swinged his arms, succumbing to panic. Persuaded he would fall in as he capsized closer to the sea, he wailed fearfully, bracing himself for the impact which never came. Just before he could collapse into the water, a strong arm wrapped around his middle and snatched him backwards. The young man stumbled, confused and muddled.

"Watch what you're doing, you lout!", yelled out a coarse indignant voice.

It was Deiktis. His arms quickly let go of him, as if he feared the sand and milky perfume which still stuck to his little brother's clothes would spread to his and make them reek.

"I told you we should've waited for the crew to come fetch us and drive us with a bigger boat! You're too weak, clumsy mess..."

Dumpling brought him back his paddle which had almost been washed away. Rochalizo peered behind the small man's shoulder. They were already losing some distance...

"Your brother is right, Sir Rochalizo. We would've made better time with an imperial crew and a mightier hull".

The Prince lowered his head to the ground and rasped the tip of his boot against the foundation, feeling his fists tremble against his thighs. The lethal spear of regrets pierced him from throat to groin, causing the feeling of an intrusive, crushing pain, and he suffocated, paralysed by the bulkiness and freezing cold of this invisible rod. His chin shook on its own, making evident his wish to sit in a corner and start crying. Deiktis was right; he was weak. He kept deciding terribly wrong. Was it futile to still go after them now?

Of all the apologies he had offered in his life, this one would be his most genuinely felt. He hated that, perhaps, at core, all he wished for was to satisfy his poor wounded ego which was bad at handling hate from the ones he loved. It could be, him seeking them so he could be feel the sweet release of forgiveness, the cost of his mistakes being approuved of, being at peace with himself and not feel the need to be his own martyr. His own usual selfishness disgusted him. However, if this was how he truly felt, he would hide it deep within him and never show it. Only express his sincerest excuses. He did hurt, but he did not matter. He had been the one to hurt them the most, therefore he would make himself redeemable. But if they had gone already...

The thought was debilitating. An instant, he pictured himself looking in the distance, glancing at the empty fore-port, piteous. His hands would still be filled with the deadly Amonlogian weapons and theirs would remain hollow. They would fight alone against the Empire's troops, with sticks and stones, their wretched crossbows and slingshots and he would sit alone, in an vacant street, enjoying a nauseating peace, partly earned with the assistance of those they had refused to help.

"It cannot be this way...", Rochalizo whined softly fo himself, his nails scratching his cheeks.

Indignation and determination roamed his heart ardently, but his strenght was leaving him. This strange impression resurfaced again and his legs felt so mellow, he wasn't so sure now how he was still standing. He raised his head slowly again and saw through his parted fingers, the guard exchanging a worried look with his brother.

"Please... Let's keep paddling... I need to bring them those weapons, by any means!"

He felt on the verge of crying again. Evidently, he couldn't care less to bring the weapons on time now, owing to his vile egocentrism once more. Right now, all he could think of was to glance over the sight of the Mud Whale, to see its residents continue living distractedly, paying no mind and not knowing much more of the outside world, but that not being a concern. He wanted to see Suoh again... To hold his shoulders gently, hear his voice and the kind words Rochalizo had never been granted with, smile at him when he would say something stupid.

But if they had gone already... If they had departed without a trace, leaving no clue as to where they'd be heading, disappearing entirely from the world he knew and going beyond the limits of all his maps... What would he do? He didn't know what to do he didn't find them. If he didn't find him.

Already he could see himself waking up each mornings, his body painfully burning as the first thought he'd have would be them. Unable to find those people again, he and them would start living apart, growing apart. They would change, not waiting for him to come used to it. They would become different and possibly throw apart what had him dare say he had known them and what he could possibly use to recognise them. In the end, they would morph into strangers to one another. He would slowly, eventually be erased from their memories, so much so, that some daily supplies or a lazy throwback thought about the past, wouldn't initiate a single "Hey, do you remember that boy, Rochalizo?" anymore. It was often said that memories shaped your reality. If this was the case, then one day, it would be as though he had never existed to them.

He raised his arm to throw his paddle into the sea, but before he could even act on it, Deiktis wrested it out his hands.

"Enough, Rochalizo! I am getting cold! You will no longer paddle with this man alone. What made you think you could ever do it?!"

Rochalizo met his eyes, red and bloated, even though he had not shed a tear and endured his brother's reproachful look, biting the inside of his lip. He could as well give up and return to his miserable life, pretend this episode of a few months had never happened. His mouth opened a half, meaning to utter those acid words.

"I..."

—You and your stubborness! And for what?! A couple of monkeys...", continued Deiktis, talking over his little brother's attempt, "You're so lucky you have me, you know?"

He then kneeled on the raft and opened the boat's hold, taking out another pair of paddles. Rochalizo watched him in astonishment. Sighing dramatically, Deiktis tucked an overly curled strand of hair behind his ear. Every ounce of the expression he bore transpired frustration.

"I absolutely abhor when my hair is tousled so you better make this quick", he said, slamming Rochalizo's paddles onto his chest with one hand, as he got a hold of his with the other and started ramming.

Dumpling's face melted into a smile, boosted by the perspective of new manpower and resumed his yanking too. Rochalizo stood there for a few seconds, processing. His feelings and body were still too numb to rejoice but he once more stuck his pole in the sea and moved it back and forth as hard as he could. With the three of them, the sea had a harder time resisting their progress and the raft sailed fluidily, as if they were sliding down a soapy slope. He sensed his lips had lifted up on their own; he was hoping again.

OoOoO

Relief ran through his body like electric shock waves. They had made it on time! The Mud Whale overhung the horizon line, high and its walls shimmering delicately in the early night's lights. As expected, it bathed into the sea with such humility, Amonlogia's kingdom now appeared to not only be its own invader but to also disfigure the uneventful landscape, as if it no longer belonged there. A pale light, no brighter than stars, it blended into its surroundings, careful not to tame it, rather to respectfully borrow a small space and learn to dwell it. Yet, however bright and a hopeful light it was, it lay out a sorrowful one tonight, thought Rochalizo, lazily leaning on the mast. He sensed the presence of this dark veil which had fallen on the Mud Whale. It emanated a dazed fog of dismay and grief.

He was to blame. His evil schemes had led them there and the weight of regrets he had dragged around for months would never leave. But nevermind that. He was done turning his back on injustice and looking out the window to escape feeling guilty. His legs shook but his mind was made up. What would be the pain of humiliation and crushing guilt against the feelings of remorse in having participated only in their downfall?

Nothing. It was nothing compared to what he felt, when they got closer enough so he could make out the silhouette of someone standing in the heights and whoever that was, turned around and noticing him, cried out, announcing his presence. He was running on a strange kind of euphoria as a small crowd formed on the upper hill to stare at him and his stomach turned in utter joy, as the boat turned left at the corner and he and the people standing in the port, could stare at each other conversely. Rochalizo's wide-eyed face looked at them all, in complete gratitude that he could once more share the same air. But as far as his love for them showed, he didn't love them all indistinguishably. His eyes searched for one, in particular. Above the port, the earth featured a few more muddy hills on which stood Marked children, wrapped into warm cloth capes. Amongst them... And then he found him.

Followed by two of those kids, in his long white stained robe, Suoh's gaze met his and he saw his mouth open in disarray, then articulate his name. Rochalizo did not manage to smile. His mind went blank and each of his muscles were tensing, contaminated by a brutal itching. He could only stare at this precious human being and his disheveled hair, the thin layer of dirt at endpoints or the several bruises on his face which had turned blue. His eyes still wide open, he raised an arm and started waving.

Arrangements were made to steeply move the small submarine to the side and make room for their own. Their ship landed safely and suddenly he was hearing them. Their confused hubbub, the shouts of disbelief, the children running barefoot on the grass and peeking through their hands. Deiktis gave no interest of wanting to set a foot out. While Dumpling got out and set up the gateway so they could join the hill by foot easily, Rochalizo rushed outside to tie the front rope to the dock. Far too impatient, he climbed up the fore staysail, dragging behind the first wooden crate to the edge and then jumping. Complaints from the guard flew out behind his back, groaning that he had set it up for nothing and that he would hurt himself. The others froze too. He couldn't care. He was feeling the beloved Mud Whale under his feet again. Rushing back to the guard, he helped him carry the crate to them by the safer way.

When he got to Suoh, he forgot what to say. He had planned to say a thousands other words but in the end, he could only utter those which explained the main reason as to why they had come. And safety came before all else.

"Get these on board, quickly!", he ordered, presenting the crates to him.

Suoh gave him a genuinely curious look.

"What are they?"

The question he asked was so candid and innocently put, it made him smile.

"See for yourself..."

Consenting, Suoh kneeled besides the box and as he did so, Rochalizo carefully analysed his face. He saw no traces of resentment in him nor any anger he could've tried to smother and, he did not know why, but it made him somewhat sadder. Other than that aspect, he could tell the young leader looked terrible. If the others had noticed, this was an unsure thing, but the mere sight of him was worrying. Anyhow, he needed immediate care, but knowing his obstinacy and his foolish, often risky tendency to minimise his injuries, he wondered if that moment would ever even come. Emerging at his side, seemingly from nowhere they could have predicted, Roh and Nezu got a hold of the crate and opened it before Suoh could. They cried in excitement upon discovering the many rifles and guns.

"Wooooah! Are you giving them to us?!"

Placing his hands on his hips, Rochalizo nodded vigorously. He turned to Suoh again, the latter had his eyes fixed on the weapons, a strange determination building in his pupils. Rochalizo cleared his throat, aiming to capture the leader's attention. Suoh looked up and got on his feet again and he explained further:

"Dumpling found me a boat, so we made it just in time!"

He was impressed at how casual and unbothered he sounded. It could be a good thing. To break down and expose all his emotions for the world to see a second time would be disgraceful. But he hoped they understood what he was really trying to say behind those horribly common words.

"You'll need weapons if That Country is targeting you", he claimed, blushing a little, realising he had been smiling fondly at Suoh with intensity.

"Rochalizo...", Suoh trailed off, taken aback and... Moved?

Conversing again like this, care-freely, ignoring the past few days' traumatic events felt as though they were laying out flowers, peace treaties or doves on an already bombed, immolated house, marked by hate graffiti. It was uncomfortable and distressing; it did not alleviate the damage. Yet, notwithstanding the uphill struggle, Rochalizo felt the need to keep running his mouth. If he stopped talking, then there would be nothing left to say. Or, arguably, he was afraid to let someone else point out something he couldn't have foreseen and lost all his composure.

In the background, the guard was finishing transporting the few boxes with the help of members of the Mud Whale's army, most of them which contained more weapons, one some efficient desinfectant. Citizens had fallen silent and watched his crew attentively. Their own discussion, as he feared, had finally dryed out.

They looked at each other in the eyes for a minute, potentially longer; he was losing track of time. Suoh's gaze was coated in weariness and eyes which tried manifesting appreciation but could only exhale in a jaded sigh, their dispiritedness. This look of hopelessness on his face portrayed a different Suoh from the one he had known. He was locking eyes with a familiar stranger and it was a distressing feeling to tell himself that, he would scurry to him and hold his hands anytime from now while neither recognising him, nor being able, if asked in this precise to moment, to identify his features in a sea of look-alike people. Rochalizo's eyes wavered but he tried getting across as much as he could, his care and apologies, in lack of words to say. He wanted nothing more than to desperatly go back and make the right choices and treasure what had been most important to him; their friendship. Suoh's friendship. Albeit faint, he was almost certain, that glint of fellowship was still aimed at him.

"Let's go, Rochalizo!", called out Deiktis from underneath, in an urging voice, having not moved an inch from his sitting spot in the Amonlogian ship.

This was when Rochalizo realised, he had not planned the rest of his actions from this point and onward. Reaching the Mud Whale before its departure and ensuring they had ways to fight off the enemy and to heal their wounds had been the only objective he had set off to do. The rest... He must have unconsciously put off, imagining he would have time to figure out what to do. Turning to peer at him again and he noticed Suoh's eyes hadn't looked away, had stuck to him and had grown unsettled. Although expressionless, the young leader's face hid in it a hint of melancholy. But there was something else which he couldn't tell what that was; he stood frozen in his white dress, barely standing up. He had been the first to say goodbye, earlier, but now, he didn't say a word. One last farewell look to Suoh. Rochalizo took a step back and his chest tightened. He thought he had properly burried the pain of their parting, but it came crawling back to him, hooking on his leg. His mind cloudy, he watched as his legs redirected him back to the gateway, as he was under the impression it wasn't done in his own will. Each step he took caused his insides a fierce burn.

He crossed the gateway, slowly, his entire body stiff and sluggish in great contrast with his mind, overran in thoughts of confusion and panic. A few more steps from him and they would be leaving, sinking into the distance and meeting danger again. If they came to be hurt or if some of them were brutally killed in the near future, he would have no way to know. He would forever stew in his monotonous and oblivious wretchedness. Life would resume its course and he would walk the sacred halls of Amonlogia's palace anew, bearing his father's harshness and his brothers' hurtful teasings — everyone would had to go back to their usual selves in the end, no matter what lessons they had been taught.

He took those few more steps. Dumpling stepped forward and retrieved the gateway.

Rochalizo looked back. It was a brief look but in an instant, he knew he wasn't where he was supposed to be. This pain which tore through his stomach like bullets would not fade as long as he would stand on the wrong side. He had been at peace on the Mud Whale, where he had been shown kindness and love and he never wanted it to stop. To let them go would be letting go of his own person. Because, other than them, who in the world would ever accept his so flawed self? Having been exposed to such warmth, he was certain he would never find again such precious souls, ready to offer their hearts to the first comer. Ready to love limitlessly.

Most importantly, he knew of course, he had always been the useless fourth son here, the most powerless and the weakest. But if his royalty title could ever serve one purpose, he wanted to it to serve them and bring them shelter. Put all the knowledge he had often thought wouldn't be of use at their service and use of his influence abroad to assure they would be respected and well-treated. However on board, he never wanted his title to matter and allow it to create distance between them. Besides earning forgiveness through acts, he wanted to give back that love as passionately as he had received it.

With no warning, he turned around and ran at full speed in the opposite direction. It was almost as if his feet barely touched the earth: it felt like flying. He needed no gateways, confident he could make up for the gap. As he reached the edge of the staysail, his muscles tensed and he jumped, extending his legs as far as he could.

"Sir Rochalizo!!", a voice cried out.

He landed in a small poof. One of his ankles hurt but it was most likely nothing. A look behind his shoulder and he caught sight of Suoh whose back had bent in shock, not trusting his eyes; the stupefaction his face bore was something he wanted to remember forever.

Rochalizo rotated towards his own people, expecting them to get flustered and force him to come back. Perhaps mock him. However, they all had fell silent, arms balancing to their sides uselessly.

"I...", began Rochalizo.

He did not know where to start, having gone through so many realisations and allowed himself to taking so many liberties since the past hours, the train of thought which had been his was too complex to describe. But he was satisfied with one thing and this was simple to put into words to his brother:

"I have my father's trust now. It's... It's what I wanted most in the world".

From the boat, Deiktis and Dumpling contemplated him, abashed. The guard certainly was the most comprehensive, whereas his brother seemed slightly irritated. A bit below, Gampa and Chasmourito looked genuinely taken aback too. Rochalizo knew it was the latter's voice which had called for him. He felt bad for leaving him behind, but his choice had already been made.

"But Deiktis, people are selfish", he continued, spreading his arms —at least, he knew he was, "As soon as I got what I most wanted... I wanted something more. I... I want to see their new home!"

Deiktis' face melted, taken by surprise.

"H-How selfish can you get! Do whatever you want!", he finally retorted, turning to the side, vexed.

Indeed, if the Mud Whale granted his wish, he would...

"Sir Rochalizo! Let me go with you!", exclaimed Chamourito's voice once again.

Behind the boy, his crew approuved firmly, standing tall, as in a way of saying: 'we won't be discarded so readily'. Rochalizo hadn't expected that possibility, but it was clear that if he did left with the people of the Mud Whale, he might not see them for months, perhaps years if luck took on a bad turn. Sharing the waking hours with his crew recently had been a daily merriment, that he couldn't deny. They had been a great support and a comfort when it sometimes didn't go as planned. All things considered, he wanted him by his side.

"Yeah! Come with me!"

The small group cheered and he waited for his crew to come by the unfolded gateway again. Then, they came up and down the few green hills between Suoh and the Marked kids who too walked up to them. Rochalizo smiled so much, his cheeks ached and he couldn't detach his eyes from Suoh's softened expression. It was the first time, since the banquet he was giving him this sweet look again. His heart missed a beat and began jumping happily. As they came face to face, so they were just two steps apart, Suoh grabbed his hands in his.

"Rochalizo..."

He was so full of a gratitude the Prince wasn't sure he deserved, but his smile widened at the intention of the young chief and his eyes rested timidly on their entwinded hands. He wanted to say something sugary and dumb, like an "I've missed you" or an "I'm sorry, I've been a fool" and he did try, but his throat wouldn't allow the words to get through. Later, he would try again, when he wouldn't be so harassed by the flow of his bubbling emotions and relief. Instead, he folded his arms and teased, a smirk popping up.

"Without Lykos, you country bumpkins will have a hard time navigating. And you need someone to teach you how to use these weapons".

Uttering those simple words made him incredibly happy. They could be teasing one another again and that meant the shattered bonds and lost complicity would grow back again. But he earned only a worried look from Suoh.

"This island is a target. Have you considered how dangerous it is for you to be here?"

Rochalizo's answer didn't wait. He was well aware he would be risking his life. But the factor of risk had been the same for the time they had spent together, yet he had never felt happier.

"Let me help. For real, this time".

OoOoO

It felt good to be back. Sitting in the mayor's bedroom, Rochalizo trailed his eyes in each corner, cherishing the sight of every furniture, crack in the wall or irregularity in the Mud Whale's floor. He felt almost furious with himself for having paid so little attention to his surroundings here. Had they parted ways at this point, he would've had only his superficial memories and his imagination to make up for the parts missing and return there in his daydreams. He had forgotten how everything was so charming and simple here.

He had barely had time to change clothes as there had been barely no time at all. He had lent Suoh his spyglass to check on Karkarias' movements so the latter could verify its position with the army commander and give order to the Marked to move the boat according to its coordinates. The boat had moved astern and they had begun following from afar, the Imperial ship while ensuring to leave a substancial safety gap between them. Afterwards, Suoh had gone to hold an urgency meeting with the advisers. Rochalizo had offered his help but the Marked soldiers having trouble reading the maps and still being novices in the matter of drawing an itinerary reading the stars, he had spent the first quarter of the night giving advice and teaching the ways of locating yourself and near reference points in absolute darkness.

By the time they were done with that, he had headed up to the meeting room but the mayor had sent him back, pretending the meeting would be over soon. Those eyes were filled with nothing but lies, but Rochalizo had said nothing. If he had looked pale before, he was now paler than conceivable and large dark bags circled the rim of his eyes, carving into the flesh. Sat on his knees in evident imbalance, his head kept swinging forward in exhaustion almost imperceptibly while his right hand pressed his stomach over the tunic he had put on in haste for a fresh change — at least one thing had to be. Another remarkably concerning thing was that voice, hoarse, as if husky from inhaling smoke. Those tiny details he hoped he wasn't the only one to notice, convinced him to keep his mouth shut and obey. He feared upsetting him in this state would be a huge blow to the mental strenght he still managed to show signs of.

Curled in a flax blanket, Rochalizo yawned for the third time in a row. He had stood straight on the bed for some time, now leaned against the warm wall, sprawling down with about his entire body, almost knocked out by an unprecedented tiredness. Although being on its threshold and sensing he was reaching his personal limits, he fought sleep, determined to witness Suoh's venue; as he had left the tower, the latter had told him to wait for him in his dwelling so he could discuss with him a certain matter in the light of the foregoing occurences. An hour had passed and, relying on his stomach and the diffuse clarity outside the ajar window, the Prince could tell with no doubts the first half of the night had almost slipped through their fingers. As his eyes gazed towards the dark blue sky which would soon lighten in a blurred cloud of grey and brown hues, Rochalizo's lids felt heavy he finally gave in and surrendered to slumber, his face directed towards the stars and the occasional smell of foam which the air lifted up.

However, because he had wished strongly not to fall asleep, his body had kept it mild and he was quick to emerge from this sleep. The sole touch of a hand brushing his arm delicately was enough to stir him awake. His eyes forcefully opened and fell on Suoh's face, who in awe, recoiled in a small jolt.

"Oh! You scared me... You sleep so light, Rochalizo!"

The Prince's eyes peered at Suoh's hand which slidded down his arm and back in place almost reluctantly. What a way to be woken up... He regretted already the presence of those warm fingers. Standing back up he flashed a small smile at the young leader who sat besides him.

"You took your time!"

— I'm sorry about that, I tried to wrap it up as soon as I could, but we had many things to talk about.

— Did you reach an agreement?"

The young leader nodded and Rochalizo watched as his neutral face faded into a miserable one. Things must have went wrong at some point. Had the counsellors pushed on him a decision he did not wish to endorse in the first place? He made the wise — or esteemed wise — choice not to address the topic for tonight. He resumed their small talk, outing a small laugh in his first few words.

"By the way, sorry. It seems I've dozed off at some point, though I've tried not to. I'm all ears for you".

Suoh looked relieved that he was freed from the burden of reporting on the outcome of their decision-making. His face lost some of its troubling shades. But this hand still contracted on his stomach was becoming worrying. He smiled at the caring words and his head bowed to their feet, shaking off the other's apologies. Rochalizo's head bent too to look. They were close; his left boot almost touched Suoh's right plimsoll shoe.

"I appreciate that. Thank you for staying up for me".

Rochalizo had grown tired of talking as though they hadn't spent the last months together. It sure would take time to regrow what they had, but there was no need to speak in souless formalities. He made eye contact again and tried a small teasing.

— No problem. You'll get a list of everything you owe me in the morning".

Suoh looked surprised a second and then snorted, quite amused.

— I should get started then!

— Alas before that, the contract still specifies I have to spend time with a dork..."

As he said so, Rochalizo dramatically raised a hand to his head. The other pushed his arm, his smile not fading away.

"Mmh... My bad, I should've spent too much time with you..

— It's fine, not everyone has good taste...

— Stop!", Suoh chuckled, his smile melting into a soft laugh.

As he said that, Suoh's shin flew into Rochalizo's, playfully hitting his leg and the latter chuckled with him, both looking down, conveniently hiding their silly faces in their hair. Their knees and shoes were touching now. He had the knowledge Suoh was looking in the same direction since he had just shifted the tip of his plimsoll even more towards his boot. Rochalizo ran his tongue over his inner lip, emitting a very faint — but which felt loud in the newly fallen silence — and unwanted mouth sound. There was something bewitching and deeply disrupting about this silence and yet he almost wanted to leave it as it was, the position they were in not being the most uncomfortable one. However, when Suoh's other arm wrapped around his white tunic, over the hand on his stomach, he could not say nothing.

"Are you cold? Your hand...", he made a tentative of asking.

— That's another thing. But... Yes, I can't tell why, I've been feeling very cold tonight.

— That's not so surprising with every of one of us wandering in the rain earlier. I hope you've not caught a fever...

— I'm fine. If it gets worse, I'll empty the nursery's stocks".

The Prince wanted to laugh and take this the carefree way. However he was virtually certain this had not been a joke and something about the uncommon phrasing coming from Suoh made him, incomprehensibly, disoriented.

"Isn't that forbidden?

— The rules can wait, don't you think? I'm forbid from looking all dirty and stained. Should I have brought handkerchiefs and a brush in the dungeons?"

Rochalizo muffled a small laugh. His worry had been unfounded.

"Ten points less for you, you no good leader".

His remark earned a warm smile from Suoh and he then did something Rochalizo didn't expect. Closing half his lids over his eyes, he leaned in and lay his cheek on the Prince's shoulder, pressing his skin clingily. The latter could have sworn his body had just filled with ice cubes. His vision blurred as he just stood straight, not daring to move and his eyes fixed a dot on the wall so intensely, if his eyes could've burned there would be nothing left of it. Making an attempt at another joke would've been in order, but he somehow could not make his brain work. Suoh's hair tickled his flesh and he could feel his breathing on his neck which made him imperceptibly shiver. After some time, he deducted the young leader had done so to seek warmth and he failed to understand why it had not occured to him that this had been the main reason...

Suoh moved his head away.

"Sorry...

— N-no, of course", the other managed to say through fuzzy trains of thoughts, blinking.

Giving a soft smile, Suoh sat back. It took a tough effort to get the conversation going again.

"I've helped your people with the maps. They were so tired I had to repeat myself a lot. And they're not all to blame. I kept forgetting details and being distracted. But I think they'll get the hang of it..."

— Of course, we're all in bad shape, that's understandable", assured Suoh, nodding gently, pressing his hand further against his stomach.

"Yeah... And some of us in even worse shape...", mumbled Rochalizo, giving him the knowing and disapprouving look.

"I'm fine", retorted Suoh, a spot more abruptly this time despite his usual gentleness, "I've not come to talk about me in any case".

That playfulness atmosphere evaporated into thin air. Rochalizo's impression of powerlessness increased. He wished for Suoh to lie down and get some rest, regain some of his strenght, but in order to do that, he was very cognizant there would be no other ways: he would have to get into a fight. The young leader's stubborness could not be curbed with reason nor stilled with threats, or a depiction of the many ways it could go wrong. He needed to see before his own eyes someone get angry or sad, showing with direct consequence how his actions hurt his relations. Suoh didn't have much empathy for himself; but if causing himself harm hurt others, Rochalizo knew for sure he could reconsider.

However, get into a fight with that Suoh? Merely raising his voice would push him to his last entrenchments, which could be a victorious battle if it enhanced his exhaustion and ushered him to bed. And yet, if this fight resulted in seeing him in a state close to a mental breakdown or ended up in cries or in a temper tantrum, he would've had messed up a great deal. Moreover, a further reason he would've preferred to ignore was coming up; as he was the cause for this chaos he had no say in how Suoh handled his matters. To try and foil the leader's plans when he had been the one to make him go through all that pain would be too indelicate to do for quite some time from now on. So, the Prince just sat there, watching as Suoh stretched his legs, got up from the bed and positionned in front of him.

"Rochalizo", began Suoh, opening his arms, palms uncurled, "I'm asking you this one favour. I know what I'm asking is a lot but... Could you —"

The words faded into nothingness. They were cut from Suoh's throat as his face moved towards the ceiling in confusion. His green eyelashes fluttered restlessly over foggy eyes, as his body started leaning backwards and losing its balance. He extended an arm, in his last seconds of consciousness to try and grasp at something but almost at once, his head tipped over, and he fell faster, carried by the weight of it. Rochalizo screamed his name and lept out of bed. Rather thanks to his previous concerns which had kept him alert than to his actual swiftness, he succeeded in catching Suoh's body before his head hit the ground, grabbing the upper-half of his chest and his shoulders. Suoh's body came crushing onto his own, sluggish and heavy at the impact, then quite light.

Rochalizo opened his mouth but no sound came out. He could only watch him, passed out on his knees, still. The vision was enough to make him lose all composure. It was Suoh after all. Not that he had ever pictured him as infallible, foolproof to all hardships, but this hope he embodied, had given the illusion more than once that he could be free of harm. A fool's reasoning. Which the Prince was also guilty of, to some extent.

"Indeed... No one takes care of you, not even yourself", he whispered, utterly distraught.

His face shut, teeth so clenched his jawline hurt. He needed to calm down. And do something. He could not be of any help if he lost his cool and Suoh could be requiring immediate help. He took a few deep breaths and placed Suoh's body down, crouching besides him. His hands traveled down Suoh's chest to try feeling his pulse, however he was so nervous he had trouble finding the spot and had to give it several attempts to make sure he hadn't hallucinated the beating.

"I have your back alright?... I have your back", he repeated, as a way of believing he was doing this the right way.

Next, he placed a hand to Suoh's back neck so he could support it while he was lifting up his tunic. He had been mistaken. The hands he had found warm just a few moments ago were the only warm parts of his body, which wasn't encouraging at all; goosepumps were spread over every piece of skin he could lay his eyes on and his shoulder blades, his neck, his chest, everything felt chill under touch.

"Why are you so cold?", Rochalizo muttered, panicked, "What's happening to you?!"

The tunic partly removed, he noticed a few bruises scattered from across the young leader's kidneys to his pelvis. They weren't recent, at least a day old given their purple and blue shades and the few scabs which had dried but could let blood flow if rubbed. He gulped feeling responsible for them; those he must have received in Amonlogia, from either the soldiers or his father. But despite those wounds undoubtedly needing treatment, he was fairly sure they weren't what had caused this state. Although... The fact he had seen him clutching at his stomach many times induced further doubt now...

"Why did you faint? Just sleep deprivation?"

If all he needed was sleep recovery, then it would be best to lay him down in bed and let him be. However, Rochalizo had an unexplainable bad feeling about this. It was true that lack of sleep could make your body temperature drop as he had experienced it a few times. But to be this cold... He suspected that couldn't be the only explanation.

"C'mon Suoh, help me out...", he breathed while struggling with removing his arms out of the sleeves.

He floundered further with getting his face through the collar while making sure he wouldn't pull at his hair, a difficult task because his hair somehow managed to twist around everything. His left hand held the back of his head, creating the strange sensation he was taking care of a toddler. Once taken off, he put aside the garment and examined the pale body. Realisation came crashing through as violently as if he had been knocked over by a giant boulder.

Unlike many of his comrades, Suoh didn't have that muscular build a few Marked or Unmarked naturally possessed or trained for. His lack of coordination made him inept in physical activities and, working as an assistant, then as mayor, intellectual tasks had been the most of his work. Even among those who didn't stand out for their broad body, he was known for his thin stature and appeared rather frail in contrast to them. But he had never seen him like that... He hadn't noticed before because his side loose hair, now spread out on the floor must have guaranteed the illusion but his cheeks were slightly sunk and the skin covering his clavicles looking thinner than ever. His large robe had been keeping secrets too. Now that he earned an overall view of his torso, he realised how prominent those ribs were, protruding through the flesh and how carved was that line which traced from the top of his chest to his navel. His pelvis bones seemed so close to piercing through, it made Rochalizo gag and bring a hand to cover his mouth.

"... Fuck... S-Suoh you..."

His vision blurred with the water in his eyes and his fists clenched. He had known something was wrong. From the very beginning. Had he been fed nothing in Amonlogia's dungeons? Was this how they treated prisonners? A shame for the entire nation. They were monstruous to have permitted that. His fingers pinched gently at the flesh covering his left arm. The bit he had pinched stayed up for an instant.

"And your skin is dry", he trailed off, voice and lip trembling, devastated with the weight of those terrible news.

He hadn't even had water.

Even worse was that they could have prevented that. If only someone had discerned how badly he fared. If only he had forced him to rest sooner, made him take a well-deserved break and brought him something to eat, a glass of water... They were nothing but selfish bastards. Rochalizo repressed the tears which almost overflew the rim of his eyes with his elbow — no time for that shit — and rushed to the door. He stopped in track past a few steps, looking back at Suoh's shape, so motionless and so pallid. A terrible image obstruated Rochalizo's mind. No, he couldn't let him. Not gonna happen. But that meant keeping an eye on him. His omnious gut feeling was resurfacing and he feared leaving him alone only a second would have disastrous effects. Running back to him he crouched down and slipped a hand behind his knees, the other around his upper back. With a gentleness he didn't know he had, he brought his arms closer together, rounding up Suoh's body in a ball so he could carry him more easily.

"Let's go", he said, bouncing anew on his feet.

Yet, his heart missed a beat for he almost tripped forward. Not from the heaviness. He had braced himself for that. On the contrary, he hadn't expected Suoh to be this light. The thought brought more angst to his heart but he refrained from digging into that. Cursing, he took one careful step which turned into a run. Relief coupled with intense worry. Night time was perfect to be running through the buildings, not risking to bump into anyone or arousing questions which would require time-consuming answers. But none to keep a safe eye on them and stop him if he was doing something wrong. Where was that water tower again? He couldn't stop to ask. Perhaps it was another demonstration of his self-centrism, but his mind was hazy, shouted at him it would take too long and he could only freak out.

He followed the path which turned around a few small houses and led away from the center, his feet stumbling into sand dust, Suoh's tall body joggling gently in his arms. The air was filled with bitterness and smells of dawn. The sky's blackness began to turn a dark blue, clearing up little by little to welcome the new day and the first early chirping doves. His arms hurt but he hugged Suoh tighter, cheek against his, hoping to be the warmth he was in need of. The sight of houses were melting away behind, but as he neared the most offset houses and took notice of some left-over fruits and honeycomb on a table, he seized them with no hesitation. He needed them more than they would and in the circumstances, who cared about theft?

In the distance, behind those mossy stones he was passing by, hushed voices could be heard, joyless. Most likely the third quarter of the army's watch, as well as those who took their turn at supervising the trajectory. Those were the only faint rumours which provided company as he ran down the dark alley, the sounds of his footsteps tapping in his ears. Stopping a second to make a mental update of what was left to go, he raised his eyes to a small tower whose narrow stairs could almost not be distinguished from its rocky surface. He had gone there a few times but night time made this place hauntingly sinister, like a silent caveat you should not found yourself there at this time of the night.

Rochalizo went up the stairs two by two as fast as he could, balancing more weight on his one side which scraped the wall, for security purpose. He ducked under a gutter and dodged big pipes, one holding a bucket. At the top, a few turns later, they got to an entrance in a recess of the wall. The inside showcased a boiler, a devilish machine with many cranks and old plumbing, a shallow basin as well as a dozen of watering cans, a toolkit and gardening hoses. Two varieties of soap and a towel had been placed on a wooden table along with a couple of pilled up glasses and, against the adjacent wall, three chairs. The Prince gazed at the chairs, esteemed Suoh would fall from them and layed him down on the ground. Pounding at his eyelids bluntly, — it always came to that mannerism when he needed to focus again — he grabbed a glass and approached the machine.

"How does that primitive stuff work...?"

Operating a few cranks turned out to be an absolute failure and stress was increasing in his chest, compressing him. He was losing patience. And faith.

"Look I have no time to play, you outdated technology mammoth..."

Seconds later he was hitting the closest pipe with a wrench, no rational thoughts left. If it wasn't gonna work immediately, then he would make it. Fifteen violent slams were enough to pierce a hole through the pipe and some water splashed into his eyes. The freshness of the water seemed to clear out his mind a little and he wondered what he had just done for a second, but he postponed the thought and reacted quickly. He filled a full glass with water and brought it to the still unconscious Suoh.

"Suoh...", called Rochalizo, his voice throaty from the effort and fatigue.

He brought the glass to his lips until the tips dipped into the liquid. He could've opened his mouth with ease, but he needed to be awake to properly down the water without choking. The Prince sighed. He was still so scared. Could someone be unconscious for so long without it being a terrible omen? Then he remembered a story. A story he hadn't played a role in but had been told so many times he remembered as much details as if he had witnessed it.

When he was sailing in the west-east, there had been a ball at the castle. Deiktis had drunk more than he could endure and passed out in the hallway as he flirted with some girl. He had gotten so dehydrated, he had woken up to cry dry tears as he hyperventilated and had passed out again. Paramesos had dragged him to the lake and pushed him from that small brige which overlooked the port's river. Antikeiras had gone berserk with worry and pushed the other too so he could get him back. But that wasn't the point. Apparently, being in contact to water could reduce dehydration and serve as a good boost in regaining one's coherent thinking or consciousness. He had to try that.

As he pushed the basin under the water leak, he thought to himself he was such a mess of contradictions. He had claimed wanting to distance himself from Amonlogia, for he had made nothing but painful memories there. Yet the memories of it still helped him a great deal.

He crouched down by Suoh's side and took off his pants, then carried him inside the basin and settled him right against the edge so he wouldn't slip. As he was plunged into water up to middle, the coldness seemed to elicit a small reaction. A small frown. And a silent sniffling. Rochalizo sat behind him on his knees, maintaining him in his arms and splashed some water on his torso and arms. He cupped some in his hands to wet his shoulders and some more for his face, delicately. Suoh had a small groan. Rochalizo smiled and kept pouring water on him, but rubbing his arms vigourously. The water wasn't so cold, but he wished to avoid him getting too cold. That could aggravate the issue. He waited a few more moments for him to wake up. Without him noticing him, his hands weren't splashing water anymore and as he drifted in his thoughts, they simply caressed Suoh's arms and shoulders.

"Cold...", a very small voice whined.

Rochalizo straightened up immediately.

"You're cold? Okay. Let me get you out of here".

Their small exchange had felt so natural, it took a few instants for Rochalizo, while he was raising him out and leaned him against the wall, to realise Suoh was almost conscious again. The corners of his mouth shivered and cracked into a smile. He wanted to giggle. The method to which he had entrusted Suoh's safety had worked! But there was no time to rejoice. Grabbing the small hand towel, he attempted to dry him up a little. He positioned in front of Suoh this time, smiling at him broadly. The latter had his eyes barely open and shook like a leaf.

"Cold...

-I know... I know you are... Um...", Rochalizo began, searching for Suoh's tunic.

Drat. He vaguely remembered having left it at Suoh's house. They would have to do without. Taking off his own shirt, he put it on Suoh, careful not to twist his arms as he slipped them in and stretched it down to the young leader's chest. He then found his pants and put them on. He had done this earlier in automatic mode for there was no time to waste, but to execute this action on an awake Suoh, with full consciousness of what he was doing was a bit embarassing but never mind that... At least, he had left him in his underwear in case he'd woke up and panic. Although it probably wouldn't be an issue for him to find himself naked in front of whoever... He smirked, amused as he remembered their first meeting, then shoved the thought away as concern came back.

"Have this. The shirt might be a little tight on you and a little too short too, but it should be warm enough. I mean I thi..."

His words died out in his throat. Suoh still shook a lot to the point it seemed to hurt. His face had a pallid hue just like the moment before he had passed out and Rochalizo felt his heart crunch in worry again. On a whim, he grasped his shoulders and took him in his arms.

"Here. You're not going anywhere".

As he held him as a tight as he could, Suoh let himself fall onto his shoulder, listless. Rochalizo originally cupped the back of his neck for support but found himself stroking his hair distractedly. Noticing this time, he awkwardly moved his hands away and pressed them back on the other's back neck. Suoh emitted a small new sound, of contentment this time. That was a tremendous easing on the mind; he could feel his frail body slowly heat up again and the franctic beating of heart which pulsated like a fury against his breasts calm down until it would almost reach an average speed.

"Don't fall asleep just yet", Rochalizo whispered in his ear some moments after. "I need you to do one last thing".

He moved away but not so far, holding Suoh's shoulders in his hands. Suoh's eyes met his rather clumsily and the Prince wondered what he was seeing through that misty haze. Keeping a soft hand on him, he bent over to pick up a glass and filled it up.

"Drink this... At least one. Two if you can manage".

He pressed the glass against his mouth and the lips opened meekly, acquiescently. Tilting the glass, a trail of water fell down Suoh's throat but as soon as the first droplets made their way down, he crooked over himself and began coughing brutally.

"Shit... Not like that..."

Rochalizo pat his back until he got his breathing steady again. Thinking it had only been an accident on the young leader's part, he tried again, tilting the drink from a new angle, but only earned further coughs and even, an expression of extreme pain. Now he was getting seriously anxious. Suoh had to drink so he wouldn't faint again, but he also couldn't drink. The latter had just laid back against the wall, expressionless, his gaze empty. The Prince held his forehead into his hand a moment, searching for a solution but all which came were irrational thoughts of how Suoh would die in there, right now. He stood up, so he would chase the alarming thoughts away, walked a bit and went back to the water leak. He didn't know what he was doing anymore but he joined his hands, filled them up with water and scooted closer to Suoh, bringing them at his chin height.

"Try again like this".

Suoh looked like he understood the request because he leaned in and dug his mouth in Rochalizo's hands. The green curtain of hair closed over his face, hiding his actions but he distinctly heard him take small sips. Those first ones he spat, coughed again, whined at the soreness of his throat when he did so and even a dribble of blood streamed from his mouth, but he managed in the end, encouraged by Rochalizo who pat his back, repeating a few 'Easy, easy...'

He drank slowly, so slowly minutes elapsed before the other could do the round trip to the leak and back, bringing in more water, but the strategy felt effective. He was taking his time, rehydrating at his own pace. Rochalizo couldn't help but wonder what had happened in that dungeon. Had his mouth felt so dry he had forgotten how to drink?

When Suoh finished drinking from his palms for the tenth time, he dryed his own hands on his pants and looked out for the stolen fruits. He divided them in several parts, tearing them apart roughly. A hand on Suoh's face, he presented the wedges, smoothening his voice as much as possible.

"Eat this and I'll bring you to bed. Deal?"

Suoh didn't make such an objection, apart from the fact that he had already started sleeping on Rochalizo's shoulder and felt comfortable there. They went through the same struggle with Suoh nearly choking on the food, finding it hard to gulp down, but the more he ate, the more he grew used to it again. Relief traveled through his whole body, clearing his previous worries with only sweet thoughts. Suoh was out of danger for now. While his mentee ate his last wedge, Rochalizo's arm came circling his back, providing extra support. His fingers inadvertently brushed the bare skin the shirt left uncovered. This made his eyes round up, realising this could've been an inappropriate gesture had Suoh not been in this state and he thought of moving them up, but the latter lay his head to his shoulder again, huddling against his arm, thus blocking it.

For the first time since they had come here, Rochalizo let his mind wander on this other aspect of his safety intervention. He had particularly enjoyed taking care of Suoh and found himself wanting to do more... For many reasons which all entangled. Because, of course he would need to care about the current issue that was his drastic weight loss. Also because the young leader deserved to have someone care about him. Something was missing... But what he knew was that, as they lay against the wall, pressed against each other, he felt his heart fly. As Suoh's mouth quivered on his bare ribs, followed by the dull sounds of his breathing, and both their skins brushed, tickled by Suoh's long strands of hair, he would rather be shot than having to put an end this moment. Rochalizo's spare hand migrated to his ponytail, untied the brown ribbon and gazed distractingly at the sight of his hair cascading down gracefully. Suoh shifted and lifted his head up, still feebly in a daze.

"I thought you were asleep...", Rochalizo murmured softly, eyebrows curving.

Suoh didn't answer. His head slipped down the Prince's chest and his arms wrapped narrowly around his middle, which given his actual strenght wasn't much but he still felt the intensity of the intent. Rochalizo looked away, mildly embarassed, but concern took over.

"Maybe we should head ba—

— I was scared..."

Suddenly he could feel Suoh's quick breathing intakes on his flesh, restless and messy and his mind immediately empathised, even though he didn't know the cause. Yet, for a few seconds he experienced watching himself from a third person point of view.

"I was scared when you weren't there...", pursued the young leader's voice, faltering every other word. "I didn't know what to do..."

Rochalizo blinked, rattled by the rawness of those feelings and how his own shrieked in response.

"I've blamed you".

Each of Rochalizo's muscles turned rigid at those words, stiffer than a board. Worse still, the jerking body in his embrace now felt of a complete foreigness. This must have been what he had feared the most; their hate and rancour. He had anticipated it in theory, but facing its reality was harder. When his hands unfroze, he carefully treaded them in Suoh's hair.

"I don't care if you hate me", he replied, a hint of sadness in his voice, "I don't care as long as you can live tomorrow".

Suoh's body snuggled closer, emitting a small sound. But Rochalizo also felt anger, a furious smoke slowly whirled in him. His hands in the green hair tensed. An anger aimed at everyone, and at himself.

"How can someone see you and think of hurting you...?

—I don't want to be parted with you...", Suoh's voice trailed off, fading into the inaudible.

Rochalizo sighed. He sat there with him for a short while more, musing over Suoh's other words. 'I don't want to be parted with you'. His heart jolted happily, despite itself. He had doubted many times Suoh felt the same way towards their amity; it had felt unrealistic at times to believe someone who was befriended by and befriended so many could take such a strong interest in him. Those doubts persisted regardless of hearing such sweet confessions. People said tons of things when unsafe and in need of someone. When the world seemed to collapse over your head, then anyone was a comfort and anyone taking the time to help was your adored saviour.

It didn't help that he was nonetheless, a hopeless believer. The feelings of joy lingered and though a little heavy and almost numb from the weariness which waned his emotions, he found himself whispering back quietly.

"I could never".

Turning him around and collecting Suoh's legs together, he lifted him up and walked towards the exit.

OoOoO

"Where am I?"

Rochalizo jumped slightly. He had barely had time to walk back to Suoh's house and settle him in bed. He was tucking him in, bent over his just awoken form, piling up a few blankets on his initial white sheets. Suoh's cranky eyes and wincing made him out a breathy giggle. When the young leader made a move to a sitting position, he pushed his shoulders backwards. A short break and he was already back on track, truly a self-control fanatic!

"In a safe place. You've passed out so I took care of you", he explained calmly, keeping it brief as to not overburden him in information.

"Passed out?", repeated Suoh, incredulous.

"I know... I had the same face when you did that", commented Rochalizo as he grabbed Suoh's hands which were feeling the black shirt he wore. "But I think you're fine now.

— I passed out?

— You don't remember?"

Suoh first stared at him blankly, as if trying to determine if he was being played. His doubts soon evaporated when he read no signs of lie on the other's face and let his head fall into his hands. His prostrate position, hair falling around sorrowfully was something Rochalizo wouldn't have wished to see. Although considering what he had just witnessed of him, this pose couldn't compare. It was an almost too private moment of weakness and something in his guts told him he shouldn't have seen that. Pretending nothing had happened, Suoh straightened up and crossed his fingers, lids closed, focused on getting rid of unnecessary emotions. Then, he asked, with no further detour:

"What time is it?"

— Must be around 5 AM...

— 5 AM?!"

The panic in Suoh's eyes made Rochalizo's throat tighten.

"What? What more can you do for them?!

— I... I need to write a draft for tomorrow's speech", began Suoh in a raspy voice, rubbing his back neck, feeling overwhelmed, "I must ready a few ointments for the infirmary! And... I remember now! I had a favour to ask of you!"

There was silence in the room for a short while. Upon realising something else, Suoh brought a guilty hand to his brow.

"Forgive me... I've had so much to think, I forgot to be grateful", he said, peering directly into Rochalizo's eyes, "Thank you. Thank you so much for watching over me..."

The other took a step back, scratching at his arm.

"Don't thank me, idiot. Not even the most senseless soul would've left you in that state.

— I know this but... I somehow feel the most safe with you".

Rochalizo's cheeks reddened. He thought that compliment was cute and it did have its effect on him, however how couldn't this be a lie? Hell, he had raised that gun, pointing at Suoh's forehead.

"Such originality! I bet you tell that everyone.

— I don't!

—Uh huh".

The Prince walked away to the opposite side of the room and rummaged in Suoh's drawer so he could find some clothes. He got out a white, sleeveless shirt and put it on as he stated he was borrowing it. Suoh simply nodded. Nearing the bed again he brought the young leader a few of those honeycombs and some water in one of those glasses he had managed to take away, by means of an amazing chance and perhaps above average balance.

"Thank you Rochalizo...", he uttered, a small smile to his intention.

"Yeah... You better drink more. Seriously, you're dry like a sand heap".

Suoh executed himself, eating slowly and tilting the glass. The frown on his face as he struggled to down it showed he had probably noticed by now how severe his state had been. The Prince didn't dare mention it for now, nor did he with his starvation issue, however that did not mean he wouldn't keep a close eye on that. He offered to take Suoh's glass and to place it on the bedtable, however, much to his dislike, the latter refused and pushed away the covers, swinging his legs to the side. Rochalizo rushed again to stop him. Taking a hold of his left arm, he pushed him back on the mattress and turned down the edge on his legs. Suoh protested but he interrupted mercilessly.

"Do you want to faint again?! Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? You need rest, Suoh!

— That's an exaggeration and it was an accident", retorted the other firmly, "Please let me through! I have things to do...

— Over my dead body".

The young leader flinched at the virulence of that comeback and paused his attempts of resistance. Taking advantage of this, Rochalizo bent over the bed and lay a strong arm, crossing his chest, then closed his fist around Suoh's wrist. Ordinarily, he was the strongest. The circumstances exacerbated that and the other knew it too. Suoh sighed, looking defeated but Rochalizo knew he was still, in his mind, fomenting a plan.

"You won't win at that game, that I can swear to you. Whatever words or stretegy you throw at me I will keep you there and make sure you don't move an inch".

Suoh sighed again, frustrated and unhappy, but resigned this time. He let his head fall onto the cushion in a small flop, hands joined across his chest, over the covers. His eyes dragged on the candles, burning on the higher shelves, litting up the upper corner of the wall and he inhaled once, mentally formulating another request. That, he asked the ceiling:

"If you won't let me do anything, can I at least talk to you?"

Rochalizo hesitated half a second.

"If you keep it quick, I'll listen".

Suoh looked at him, then averted his gaze and nodded, gloomily sucking at his own lips. Something in the way he stared in the deep void made this moment uncomfortable as it dawdled. Had he ever seemed so hesitant and lost?

"Could you... Could you lie down here with me?"

Such a demand from him was unheard of. Suoh didn't seek to be pitied and acted tough when he must. Any heavy decisions, he carried the burden alone. Something in him had changed... He sat in the almost dark, austere, resigned to whatever end. No signs of the carefree child could be found; the one in this bed ressembled a weary old king, whose wealthy kingdom he had beheld the fall. And there was something else he hurt for that he hadn't told him. White palms on the sheets were open, he struggled against inner weaknesses, slashing them skin-deep.

Rochalizo watched him, feeling his own face contort in pain. He was unsure if it would do much good but he sensed Suoh needed that minor thing to carry on the struggle. He couldn't bear to see him like this for even a minute. If he could help ease his mind and quel his fears, he would wilingly do so. For the healing of his own heart too, for he knew, he had participated in this loss. Pulling at the small string, he blew off the candles and, having taken off his boots, he stepped closer.

He had started climbing on the bed with the intention of lying down on top of the covers, but Suoh lifted them up for him to slip under. A light blush crept up to his cheeks, he didn't oppose it however and lay down, settling cozily on the large pillow, as Suoh shifted just a little. He drew near again, Rochalizo felt the other's hands sink into the mattress and his head press on the spare space of the same pillow he occupied, green hair spreading all over. As he moved, Suoh's bared knee brushed against the flesh above his own knee and Rochalizo drew a shaky breath. When the soft rustle of blankets got swallowed by silence, they lay besides the other on their backs, quietly, a few inches apart. The under the sheets was filled with Suoh's body warmth and he didn't know how that made him feel.

He wouldn't have time to process it for Suoh's closest hand searched for his under the blanket. He felt a finger on the side of his thumb, then an entire hand squeezing his palm, needy. Rochalizo's eyes traveled to the spot where their hands touched although he couldn't see them, nor the bump they most likely formed under the covers which the curvature of his thorax hid from this position. He hunched his head, ducking it below his shoulders and his arms tensed slightly. He could've sworn he hadn't ordered his brain to, yet his fingers closed around Suoh's and squeezed back tightly.

"I don't do this with everyone. You're wrong to think so", the young leader began, closing his eyes.

And as Rochalizo watched him, he knew it was true. In this instant, he was entrusting himself completely to him.

"I spoke foolishly", he replied, embarassed, "I'm just... Forget it.

— All right.

— Are you still feeling cold?", the Prince asked, changing topics, both uneasy and because he was getting genuinely preoccupied again.

Suoh moved to his side and gazed at him through the thin short strands of hair which fell on his pretty face. He gave another brief squeeze to his hand. He didn't smile once but his eyes reflected it.

"No, I'm really fine now.

— Good. Err... I've been told I tend to keep beds warm. I'm like a handy hot water bottle", Rochalizo said, sheepishly trying to crack a joke.

In those circumstances, he couldn't act natural. Saying those words had him wish for the earth to open up and swallow him, dreading that awkward interaction, but against all odds, it still made Suoh giggle.

"Using the regular ones is gonna feel boring after you".

A coy smile carved Rochalizo's lips and he felt his face heating up. He said nothing, savouring this stupidly earned flattery. As the room grew silent, he nudged him gently with the arm that held his hand.

"So, what did you want to ask?"

Suoh shifted awkwardly. If the atmosphere in the room had been briefly playful before, it had vanished just as steeply, replaced by the freezing taciturn old one. His hesitation and somber gaze as he thought of the best way to put it into words brought a feeling of heaviness on both of them. The young leader let his eyes wander on the ceiling, as though he couldn't look him in the eyes when he spoke those words. His hand crushed Rochalizo's in his with a tight grip.

"I want you to teach me how to shoot".

Rochalizo's mouth opened on itself. It was such a strange sensation. He thought at this moment that he should've felt something; fear, revolt... But he breathed fine and his blood hadn't frozen hearing the request. He felt nothing. Perhaps because he knew this moment would be coming. Of all questions he wished to ask, he deliberatly chose the one which raised his interest the less. Knowing what he was meddling with was in order.

"Did the elders permit that?"

Suoh's mouth twisted. Most likely, he had considered the option that the other would speak out against him and try discouraging him in the first times and he was surprised by such tolerance. Perhaps that was unconsciously not what he had wished to hear, in need of someone to turn his plans to ashes. He looked for words to say. Rochalizo knew Suoh had read the tone in his voice when he had asked about the elders and sensed the utmost disinterest in what a bunch of old men thought; he was convinced he was guessing the implicit question behind it — are you ready to go against your political power?

"They... They didn't. But those are critical times and this is a one-off misconduct... Why... Why should we care? It'll be over soon...

— Sure", agreed Rochalizo after a moment, nodding passionlessly, "I'll train you".

He admitted to himself those words Suoh had said were troubling. For himself, they must be devastating. It was a whole change of paradigm regarding his ideals and values, everything he had ever believed in. It was probably killing Suoh from the inside. But he himself couldn't feel sad. He felt nothing.

"Thank you...", whispered Suoh softly.

He pressed his face onto Rochalizo's shoulder and kept their hands intertwined as he brought them to his chest. Rochalizo felt numb, yet he felt Suoh's painful need for comfort. Delicately, he freed his hand and placed arms around the other's waist, bringing him closer. Suoh returned the embrace, slumping limply but gratefully into his arms. Holding him, he felt as though he was drowning in despair with him, sharing the biting of that tumour, inhaling the same smells of fire. It didn't diminish the pain, but buried into his neck, Suoh rubbed his nose against the skin and Rochalizo felt his entire frail body relax against his, as if freed of his load for awhile. Certainly, giving up tensing and the clenching of teeth hurt more, but although he witnessed alone the ruins of his aspirations, he had someone to hold in the dark. Rochalizo's hands found themselves on his back, stroking gently at his shoulder blades, tracing lazy circles up and down his back.

Those gestures were meant to beget calmness and sleep; what Suoh needed the most to recharge and never had sleeping away the pain not been (temporarily) efficient. Yet he realised he was doing this somewhat wrong. Suoh's almost asleep body before shifted in small wriggles and his own felt restless and too hot. Instead of forgetting, he was suddenly well aware of Suoh's legs which were pressed against his and of his long-nailed hand which — when had it started? — gratted not so innocently at the back of Rochalizo's neck. When Suoh moved back a little, both of them contemplated how entangled they had gotten for Suoh's strands from the top of his head still mingled with the other's hair and how much their bodies without the other, felt cold and missing something. Panting slightly but not comprehending why, both of them stood close, connected by those few strands of hair and other patches of skin from legs still interconnected. Weariness and pain could be all blamed, they were the demiurges of a few mayhems. But Suoh's rounded pupils, the chaos and sweet greed which reflected in them, the pink malleable lips, how could any of those be the thoughts of anyone but the sane? And was that lust that he saw in the other's insistant look deep behind those giants walls of suffering?

Each seconds and he seemed to be closer, their breaths tangling and the heat between them increased and the more details of his Rochalizo could indulge his eyes in. Their heads had kept going forward, inevitably bashing softly and yet, as none of them managed to predict it, it drew a jittery breath from Suoh and a tingle similar to electricity for Rochalizo. All attention was on their ajar mouths which had opened for a very small gasp. Their brows touched but it wasn't enough. They didn't use hands, nor legs to come nearer, but maybe they should have because this hesitation to succumbing to temptation proved to be never-ending. Or was it impatience which distorted his mind? They kept moving slowly, until the tips of their noses could meet and from then everything got messier. Pantings didn't sound the same anymore but rather felt like they were small whimpers already and as the Prince brought their lips only several inches close to touching, he thought he would break and couldn't physically experience more tension and desire in his body. Yet when the tip of Suoh's lips brushed against his, almost already moving away, Rochalizo felt his heart become an internal tide. Suoh's desperation was suffocating; he was begging for a moment away from the duties which bound the hands he had thought capable of anything. When Rochalizo remembered the presence of his hands, he cupped Suoh's face, gazing right into his eyes, keeping still as their lips still brushed and he was frozen with frantic desire. However, Suoh didn't meet his eyes. Putting an end to their torment, Suoh suddenly tumbled in and crushed their lips together.

Tonight was the night of the breaking of all rules. Only one could alleviate the pain for breaking every of them.

Rochalizo kissed back harder. Instead of saying 'You won't be alone', his lips devoured the flesh with indomitable yearning. Instead of promising 'One day, it'll all be over', his mouth melted inside Suoh's and coaxed it until both their jaw muscles felt sore. In the midst of their heated exchanges, Suoh's hands pulled at his hair, closed in fists, while he scrapped canines and sucked whatever bit of skin they could find, losing himself in the affection. Perhaps if he let go and pulled away from the red petals, he would start crying, so it could be why, he held on so desperately, scrubbing his tongue on the flushed lips, body shuddering for more oblivion. Pressing further against Rochalizo, he gasped for air as his hands steadfastly caught his throat and he resumed his kissing, wrapping his searing tongue around his. And the other responded in grabbing the nape of his neck, sinking into the wet mouth, getting a taste and recurring the movement with greater intensity.

They had become each other's warmth. Hips were buckling, hands tempting new strangled moans and, as the dichotomy wished, were also reassuring kisses, tight holds banishing loneliness and caresses of absolute comfort. Arms twisted on his collar, Suoh's kisses on the Prince's face were a wild kind of needy. Those kisses on cheeks featured teeth, until they were nothing but bites, for the illusion of consuming something. They had faced each other, laying on their sides, but Rochalizo flipped them over for Suoh's back to hit the mattress. Momentarily, there was a gap between them as he shifted over him, meaning to kiss again. That gap was opportunity for thoughts to flock back to Suoh's brain and, immediately, all unwanted and wished-to-be-forgotten pondering were there. While Rochalizo chewed at his lips, his hands stroking the sides of his face, tears came slithering down his cheeks. Feeling the taste of salt on his tongue, Rochalizo stopped dead and withdrew to stare into his eyes. He got scared for a second to be to blame, but Suoh's hands which came pulling at his face insistantly proved the contrary.

At first, he resisted them; looking into Suoh's teary eyes was dread. He had never seen him cry and this didn't figure among the things he would've wished to behold, ever. Rochalizo's face crumpled like a use tissue, as his throat thickened and stung, following a tear make its way and disappear under the pale chin. He could watch and feel himself lose all hope, swept away by this misery spiral, but he forbid himself that. He owed it to Suoh to be his bringer of hope when he couldn't anymore, to make up for all the times he had shone brightly for them all, through the hardships. Giving in to Suoh's still pulling hands, he came forth again and pressed his mouth softly yet greedily to his face, at lenght, kissing the sparse glistening tears, wheedling his forehead, nose, cheekbones, mouth and lids all the while. Many times, his lips brushed against Suoh's face, in the hopes that the pleasure they lent for a while, would outlive the sorrow. He made sure the gestures were as tender as they could possibly be. Suoh's hands dropped to his sides and he lay still, letting Rochalizo catch his tears, letting himself be engulfed in the sweetness of those affections.

Rochalizo ceased his kisses after a while and lay back to the side. Getting back to coherent thinking again, he tried to get his mind to wrap around everything that had just occured. His brain was overwhelmed with questions — most for Suoh but some for himself — as well as a dizzying confusion. Above all, he wondered if this had been the result of those special circumstances, impelled by this impression of no way out or if it had been genuine. Either way, nothing was more important than this one thing. He had forgotten himself, he should have prioritised his slumber instead of doing... Whatever. His tone of voice was firm.

"Sleep Suoh. No less than those two consecutive hours".

He could've been too embarrassed to talk after what they had done, and he had been later, when thinking back, but right now, nothing mattered more than Suoh getting better. The other looked at him with mild bewilderment. He must have been too exhausted to say anything, even to just nod, so he shifted on his side, facing Rochalizo and closed his eyes. He didn't reopen them.

OoOoO

The Prince got woken up by dawn as it tore through the badly closed curtains. Stirring up and sitting in bed, he still felt tiredness if he listened to his ears ringing a bit and this slight migraine but he still had had plenty compared to the one next to him. He trailed his eyes on Suoh's sleeping form and it all came back. Him fainting, his protruding ribs, his terrible demand, this unexpected kissing session. That was a lot to take in and with so many bad news, perhaps one a little less bad, he was a mess of contradicting feelings. He was still trying to process it all when Suoh stirred up too, few minutes later. As he settled against the bed headboard, he could still make out the dry streaks of the tears he had shed the night before.

"... Good morning...?", Suoh said hesitantly, trying to figure out why Rochalizo was in his bed.

Despite everything and his mind still worrying, the sight was so comical, Rochalizo almost burst out laughing. He hid his mouth, outting a small giggle.

"Hello".

The young leader's expression was still very puzzled. His gaze was on the shirts they both wore and Rochalizo didn't know any way to clarify nor the bed nor the shirts story without embarrassing himself, so he skipped the explanation for now. Still, it was hard to look him in the eye. He blushed a little.

"I assume you didn't sleep enough, but were those two hours restful?"

Suoh massaged his head, granting him a small, wincing smile. He had a tremendous headache for sure.

"Yes, thank you", he said looking for his hair ribbon unsuccessfully, so he turned towards him again, "Did I ask you to stay yesterday?"

— So you do remember...?"

It being either Suoh remembering the actual events or those which had preceded, in his hazy state or even earlier as he was put in the basin, was a good sign. Relief washed through him.

"It's coming back little by little", qualified the other, as he treaded his fingers in his hair, attempting to disentangle them, "I remember going here after talking to Kuchiba... Then nothing. After that, you were in this room getting me to sleep... I think I've wanted you to sleep here too".

Rochalizo kept nodding throughout his blurred recalling.

"The nothing you have between those events is when you've fainted. We've talked about the meeting shortly and you've collapsed out of nowhere.

"Oh..."

Suoh brought a hand to his head, suspicious he could've hurt himself, but seeing the other shaking his head, he crossed out that possibility and immediately asked what happened next. Rochalizo raised his eyes up, taking some time to assemble those pieces of souvenirs too and told him about how he figured out he lacked water and food and told the water tower episode. He briefly described in a few sentences how he got him to be conscious again.

"By the way", he sheepishly admited, "I couldn't figure out how the machine worked so I think I've broken some pipe...

"What?? What pipe?

— A water pipe... But it was a small leak and it all fell into the basin... I really hope it hasn't overflooded... That was stupid...", he explained, talking fast in panic.

Suoh's eyes rounded up and Rochalizo could easily guess why; water in general was scarse on the Mud Whale, therefore infinitely precious. That machine must be keeping all their water stock. If they ever ran out of it, there was no other alternative than waiting for the next rainfall. But unlike what he had expected, Suoh smiled at his panic.

"The basin you're talking about connects several other ones in an adjacent room. If all of them overflow at the same time, the room still possesses a system to direct the leaking water to another container. I don't think you've done much harm.

— Really...?", the other blinked.

It was Suoh's turn to find him funny. He giggled at him, twisting a stand of hair around his fingers.

"You really believed we hadn't thought about that..."

Rocahlizo scowled. Of course, he was destined to be the butt of every joke.

He then proceeded to tell him how he had brought him back in here, safe. A mention was made of them conveniently switching shirts because of his cold body and of Suoh stubbornly trying to get back to work, then asking him to lay there, confirming the other's thoughts. And the demand about the shooting training. He stopped at that. Suoh would have to remember the rest for he couldn't possibly tell that last part.

The other nodded, satisfied by this short summary and those memories Rochalizo had unlocked for him as he had spoken. He thanked him again for taking care of him, rose up from the bed and walked up to his desk. From his still stumbly walking, one could still tell he could've used a lot more hours of sleep. His facial traits displayed tired, drawn features and those dark bags hadn't gone. Along with the memories of last night, his present responsabilities must have come back to mind too because he now bore this expression of deep misery. Sitting at his desk and picking up a pen, he turned towards the other, looking troubled and already close to a nerve-wreck. His tone had changed; he was firm, cold and resolute.

"Could you leave me alone, Rochalizo, please?"

OoOoO

He had expected the meeting wouldn't go well. The issues at hand had caused very divided opinions among the population. In truth, it really was a tough choice, for there was no right way to justify it without raising many unethical problems. It was the philosophical moral dilemma of choosing between favouring the lives of the most people, or taking each lives into consideration but risking there be just as much or more casualties. And which lives mattered the most?, that was a question better left concealed, but which had, obviously, been pointed at. Any political system had a principle of valuation of some lives over some other, according to a few characteristics and properties. Whether it be the rich, the educated, the old, the strong... Having the population become aware of those criteria was the surest way to lead to revolution or civil war.

Rochalizo stood by what he had said then. Sailing after Karkarias would be folly; they would be preyed on in a snap, powerless against their weapons, cannons and armed, trained soldiers. It was an abominable thing to give up on their friends, Ohni and Lykos who deserved to be looked after and sought back. But a rescue plan could come to an even bigger disaster and he agreed with the leader's decision, fully.

His biggest shock however had been Suoh's sudden violent temper and yet... He hadn't been as shocked as the people of the Mud Whale. He had had the occasion to catch a glimpse of his anger when his boundaries had been pushed to their limits, in Amonlogia, at the banquet. Back then, he had been truly startled. Today had been different. Suoh's extreme tiredness combined with the weight of his responsabilities and his people holding him accountable for the deaths of their families or friends had been a severe blow to his usual calm and cold-blooded attitude. People had shouted at him, screamed he was a monster, booed him... But Rochalizo understood him. More than one would've lost their minds trying to find a way out of this critical situation. Important note: heavier were probably his morals which pressured him not to fail his people and to be just. Then again, a choice had had to be made and given it had been an unfair one in the first place, any possible outcome could only be wrong.

Coming to Suoh's house was certainly a poor idea. Getting insulted and despised, he must be aiming for peace at the moment. But Rochalizo couldn't resist it. He wished to talk and see if he could help in comforting him. It was something he had noticed before; very few people achieved in putting his mind at ease. Chakuro did, most of the time, Kuchiba could, one time in a thousand, and he well... Sometimes.

When he heard the door creak, announcing Suoh's venue, he straightened up on the chair, directing eyes towards the door. Rochalizo waved his hand shyly, expecting Suoh to throw a tantrum but the latter could only stare at him with wide eyes and such a sad face, it made his heart swell. The young leader didn't utter a word, he stepped in, his feet dragging the floor and sat abruptly on his bed. He cupped his own face and hid it in his hands. The other tentatively came closer and sat besides him, moving a sympathising hand to place it on his arm.

"It's not your fault".

Suoh raised his head slowly to look at him. His expression was gloomy.

"... Thank you for defending me at the council", he said, flatly, almost mecanichally.

Rochalizo didn't doubt he was grateful. It only sounded wrong because he was in a too pitiful state to really feel it.

"I support your decision. I think it was a very brave thing to do to go down that path. Your people were unfair to you, they can't see that you're doing everything in your power to protect them!"

That statement didn't achieve in comforting Suoh unfortunately, but somehow made it worse. Head crashing onto his knees, his hands grasped at his hair.

"I'm not strong enough to protect them, that's why.

— That's not it! You're only 18! And you're doing so much!

— I doubt it", argued Suoh, rising up again, his expression distorted by guilt and disgust for himself.

Rochalizo was about to vehemently contradict him but the other pursued.

"But tomorrow... That will change".

Omnious thoughts squirmed at the back of the Prince's mind. He was afraid of what that could mean and knowing Suoh and how far his resolve went, it could not be a situation where he would not be getting himself into troubles. The ache in the belly was telling him something was wrong and he trusted that feeling blindly.

"What will change??", he exclaimed, "If you're planning something dangerous...

— Yes", Suoh almost shouted, having raised his voice so brutally it made the other shrink in surprise, "When everyone will be asleep, I am going with Shuan to the Emperial battleship to ask Lykos' brother to give us our friends back!"

Rochalizo fell silent. Then, he sneered, a very nervous sneer. His hands dropped to his sides as he kept laughing awkwardly. So he really hadn't given up on saving them. When choosing between two choices he had made up a third one so he wouldn't commit any wrongs. A great plan in theory from the mind of the simple-minded person that he was, however, an absolute suicide mission. How typical of him! Words mingled in his mind and he couldn't find what to say but he knew he had to say something to prevent that.

"That's... That's an awful idea, you realise it, right...?"

The young leader seemed to have regained a form of liveliness. Perhaps it was the relief of being able to reveal this plan he had kept for himself for so long. Or he felt relieved he could expose his true intent in which he didn't come off as a cold-hearted monster.

"Not as illogical as you think it is".

Suoh proceeded to explain what had happened in Amonlogia, when Lykos' brother had triggered a vision from the Nous. Rochalizo listened attentively. When he told the part of this vision of the man, clothes shredded and wet with bloods, severely injured, looking miserable, the other shook his head sternly, barely believing.

"Let's admit everything you saw is true, because even that is debatable, if it turns out you can't discuss with the man and he decides to have you and Shuan be executed, what will you do?

— Shuan can protect me in case, but I am certain I can find a way to appeal to his heart.

— Shuan is still injured. And you can't talk to that man, he murders people like he's playing ball. You don't want to get close to him!"

But despite his efforts in finding any good argument, Suoh's mind was set and although the leader stopped answering them, Rochalizo could see on his face that he would not listen. If he didn't find a way to hold him back, tomorrow Suoh could be off. And from then, as his mind shouted at him, the most hard-headed outcome would be that Suoh wouldn't come back. He saw the world around him darken and blur, his head was turning.

"Hey... Are you okay?"

Suddenly, he felt Suoh's soft hand on his wrist and it brought him back a little. The young leader had shifted so that they were distant from only a hand; looking at him from up close, it made Rochalizo's eyes fill with tears, against his own will. He hated him for being so careless. They had just reunited. If he lost him... If he lost him...

"Let's talk about something else...", offered Suoh, rubbing the other's wrist gently. "Or rest. I'm done hurting people".

Rochalizo sniffled as he nodded, swallowing his saliva with difficulty. They could talk it through sometime later. Right now, if they stayed on the same topic, he felt like his eyes would overflow and he could not have Suoh see him like that again. But within a few hours, when he would have had the time to better process the idea, he would start over. Suoh wanted to find a solution which comprised everyone's safety, an honourable goal. If he wasn't having it any other way, then he was sure they could find something together.

Stretching his back, Suoh had lay down on his side, head flopping back on the covers of his bed. When the other turned to watch him, he patted the spot besides him for Rochalizo to come join him. Rochalizo didn't wait to be asked twice and he did as proffered, leaning on his back, head thrown back so he could fix his gaze on the ceiling. Suoh's eyes trailed on him. They watched him casually at first, but after some time, they grew more insistant, more scrutinising, he could feel them burn his skin. He moved his head to meet his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Suoh's mouth turned into a small pout. He took a breath intake as he paused and asked, his eyes lowered to the side.

"Rochalizo... Did we kiss?"

The poor boy had not seen this one coming. His face turned red instantly and his eyes widened. It seemed he had conveniently pushed that thought to the back of his head for now. Of course, Suoh had to remember this. It would've been better for both their sake to forget about this weird episode and close the matter. It would've been better if Suoh had forgotten. But at the same time... Would it?

"I...", he began, wiping off his sweating palms on his shirt, "What do you remember?

— I have memories of me initiating the kiss and you kissing back... Quite a lot... And you were stroking my face".

Rochalizo clenched his fists and hid meomentarily behind them. He had never felt so embarrassed. And how could Suoh not be when he was saying those things?

"... Yeah... It wasn't a dream", he mumbled, crushing his own face hind his palms.

Suoh's face took on a somber expression. He pressed his nails into his palm just like he did when he felt guilt.

"Ah... I was right then. I had gotten so distressed yesterday, I was pretty sure I crossed all the limits...

— So I'm just a limit?", Rochalizo said, his tone of voice getting agressive.

He had taken off his hands off his face and looked Suoh in the eyes with no further detours now. Suoh's face melted into an apologetic one.

"No! I'm sorry, of course you are not!".

Rochalizo's face grew colder and he averted his eyes. Silence fell on the room. He heard Suoh sigh and grab a pillow which he placed on top of him and held tight.

"I should've chosen my words more wisely, I'm sorry. But you know as the mayor of this island this is considered a breaking of the rules...

— Why are you telling me this if you were the one to kiss me!

— I know, I'm just trying to explain! I've messed up and you've taken this the wrong way!

— You're being the fucking jerk now! You say that, but I still don't know how you feel about it!"

When silence returned to the room, they realised they had been shouting. Suoh's eyes moved away from Rochalizo, pressing the pillow to his chest harder, and he did the same, turning his back on him, laying on his arms. His heart ached and he didn't understand exactly why he had gotten so carried away. This conversation was stupid. He should be telling him it had been an accident and he wasn't interested.

"I... Liked it", Suoh said, very softly.

Rochalizo's breathing stopped. Immediately, he felt his face heat up and a strange sensation creep up in his stomach.

"That doesn't mean anything", he argued, as he tried to breathe again, still not daring to face him, "One could say it was pleasant but it still wouldn't have anything to do with feelings".

Suoh emitted a small sound, meaning he was thinking about it.

"That's true... But the mayor isn't supposed to have said feelings. Are saying you liked it too?"

Rochalizo blushed again but he was equally upset now.

"Well the mayor isn't supposed to drag people into his bed like a prostitute, but yet this one did!"

Suoh was stunned for a few seconds, then he snorted, making it clear he was offended. His voice raised once more.

— Call me names, I don't care! Yet when you climbed in, you kept putting those hands everywhere like a desperate floosie!

The Prince's eyes widened, knowing deep down he had tried to hide something. Whenever he would pretend not to care, his body sensations and thoughts would belie him. But Suoh still hadn't talked about his feelings and the fact that he kept going on about his impossibilities as mayor made he seem cold and uninterested and he hated that.

— That's not true!", yelled back Rochalizo, blood vessels bloating up on his brow.

— What I see is that you keep avoiding saying what you feel and I'm starting to guess. Are you such a chicken that you can't express yourself?!"

Then they were quiet again, the void filled with nothing but the sounds of Suoh's last word still echoing throughout the room and awkward rustles of fabrics. Rochalizo's head was bent in shame, not bearing to look higher than his black socks. How could they let this happen? Right now, fighting with Suoh was truly the last thing he wished to be doing. They could've laughed it off instead and made fun of 'what had they been thinking' yesterday? It all based off hurt egos. He had used awful words he didn't mean in the least in the heat of the argument. Not having your feelings validated wasn't as good of a reason to be harsh. Shame on him for being a despicable moron. He made a move to face him again.

"I'm sorr—", both started at the same time, then interrupted themselves.

Rochalizo's jaw hung open in surprise sharing a look with Suoh, just as taken aback as him. The incredulity caused a smile to pop up on Suoh's face, then a small giggle. Lowering his eyes, Rochalizo nonetheless felt his lips lifting up too and the other must have seen it.

"I'm really sorry...", he tried again, rubbing his own arm in embarrassement, "I shouted a lot of nonsense and... I really didn't mean that slur! I don't even think it's bad. It was just... The first to come to mind".

The other bobbed his head, seeming more amused than hurt, fortunately. However, he looked similarly mortified in terms of thinking back to the offensive words he had countered with.

"And I'm sorry. What I said was insulting and I've never thought that about you a second either. I guess we... Lost our tempers. That conversation wasn't easy...

— That and you're tired and everyone's shouted at you today. ("Including me", Rochalizo thought sadly). And that excuses every outburst of anger. Honestly, if I had been you I would've torn everyone to pieces today".

This remark had the young leader politely shrug, as he most likely thought it was something he couldn't allow himself to do at all costs. He replied something on how fighting only made matters worse. But Rochalizo stood up and walked up to him slowly, some wriggle in his hips, hands casually stuffed in the pockets of his baggy pants. Halting in front of him, the smirk on his face seemed to be saying 'Good luck trying to get that idea out of my head'.

"Actually... I like seeing you get all worked up".

Surprised, Suoh could only blink. The Prince smirked all the more.

"I'm not saying shout mercilessly at people. I'm saying don't feel bad letting people know they've done things you can't stand. 'Cause they will, you know, they will. If I'm being stupid, just go ahead and get angry at me".

Suoh didn't look entirely convinced but, as Rochalizo's sly smile didn't fade, there appeared some strange spark in his eyes. He still sat on the bed and therefore, was shorter in height in this context, yet suddenly Rochalizo felt slightly overpowered by the way he locked eyes. He did that for some time before he too stood up and walked away, leaning his elbows and back of the window's edge, smiling.

"That can't work if you don't tell why you got angry", Suoh answered in response, and even tough it was formulated as a general statement, even though he didn't look at Rochalizo, the latter could tell it had been aimed at him.

Rochalizo bit his lip, unsure of what to say and quite unwiling to do so.

"You mean before? I... I guess I didn't expect you to talk about leader obligations...

Suoh tilted his head to the right, a small smile on his face.

"I don't manage people's feelings when it comes to my folk and I know it's my flaw. You got angry because I sounded uncaring, didn't you?"

— Perhaps..."

He stepped closer again. Delicately, he grasped Rochalizo's fingers and the touch of his hands sent ice cold shivers down the other's spine. Suoh's voice no longer sounded serious or joyous, but unsure and lost.

"I don't know my feelings of love too well...", he said pausing for a moment, head slightly bowed, his eyes wavering guiltily under his eyebrows, "And I'm aware this is a terrible thing to say... But I can't be sure and may be mistaken... But at the same time... I think I feel something for you".

Rochalizo's entire body froze, jaw unhooked. Had he heard him well? Without him ordering them to, his fingers began to tremble against his thighs and a strange feeling of warmth spread through his body. One he couldn't identify, for it had him close to gagging and yet it also felt really good. He barely heard Suoh explain how he was sorry to put it like that through the sound of his blood flowing and pumping in his ears. It looked like Suoh had asked him something because he had stopped talking and had leaned back in wait. He made eye contact again, as he had been unable to during the other's little speech. The young leader watched him with gentle eyes, bearing this cute yet sheepish smile. In his hurry to reply for something, Rochalizo began two sentences in his mind; one beginning with 'Wait these need' and one beginning with 'Wait I promise' and accidentally mixed them up. Blurting this fail of a beginning, it resulted in him saying:

"Wait! Die plead—"

Suoh lost his smile, now utterly confused. Rochalizo interrupted himself and slammed his hand onto his mouth, face turning scarlet. No... Why... Why now of all moments... Overwhelmed by shame, his knees buckled and he fell on his legs. Suoh crouched besides him almost immediatly, asking if he was feeling okay. Rochalizo shook his head miserably.

"I mixed up my words..."

Suoh's face suddenly brightened as he understood what was going on. He giggled, getting a hold of the other's shoulder, a way of comforting his embarrassment.

"Die plead, you said!"

Treading his fingers in his hair to attempt taming them a little and looking less messy, Rochalizo took a deep breath and began again, not looking at him. His mistake might have not brought just misery; it had given him time to think more and elaborate his initial fuzzy thoughts.

"I was trying to say... Your feelings... These need not be pegged and frozen in the now and forever. Perhaps you don't really... Like me like that, or you have trouble drawing a distinction between friends and those who are more. Perhaps you were just really sad last night and it was a mistake. But I don't think you can judge them all at a given moment. They take time to grow... Or to wither, they're always varying. I think it's right experimenting knowing others are aware, just as it is to be lying in wait. Whatever you choose leads to more answers... I think".

The smile Suoh shot at him was crammed with light and fondness. His hand stretched and cupped Rochalizo's left cheek with utmost softness. The other blushed.

"That's wise... (he smiled, muffling a light cuckling) And I think I've had those feelings for long enough to tell trying would be attractive. But what about you?", he asked again, emphasising the last word.

The bastard displayed a mischievous smile now. Rochalizo looked into his eyes uneasily, his stomach doing jumps and turns as if it had turned into a giant fair.

He darted his eyes across the room, then brought them back into his. Taken by a sudden anxiety, he bit the inside of his cheek. There was no denying now. Since they had shouted at each other, a dozen of minutes ago, he had noticed Suoh's attitude had changed towards him; Suoh must have guessed from this very moment what Rochalizo's troubled mood signified and how he had tried to hide this love. He had known from this moment and in consequence, had dropped all peculiar attentions in trying not to be too forward or demonstrative. It showed in his behaviour that he was not used to that; this grain of salt and delicateness was his usual way of doing, but now, it had no uses anymore.

"What about your rules?", he asked, his last escape road before he would have to give a definite answer.

However, he was also very much intrigued. As much as he himself found them unjustified and backward, he still felt full of an ominous curiosity as to how Suoh had decided he would suddenly ignore his ancestors' laws. Him who was so... Righteous.

"I don't think those rules matter for me anymore...", replied the other, giving quite the vague explanation.

Not an ounce of guilt was shed for what he had once considered his life path. Had the Amonlogia peripeties been such a drastic change in Suoh's outlook? He then added quickly, uneasily and, this time, with badly hidden guilt:

"I've decided I would listen to... What I feel".

Rochalizo assumed it was because he didn't know where he stood in terms of feelings of love. And he could understand not knowing what you really felt for people, love was a complex matter. But he also wouldn't be surprised if Suoh was being his usual dramatic self; first love implied being vulnerable and sharing affections you had not with anyone before. That perspective was stressful — he himself was terrified right now — and trying not to hurt the other was an omnipresent concern. Perhaps he would need some time, but Rochalizo thought he could tell... That what Suoh felt was genuine. Yes, he was overly affectionate with many, but there had been a lot of those little incidents, those looks not exactly friendly between them, those hugs a bit too long and half-worded confessions.

Suoh stroked the back of Rochalizo's hand gently, awaiting for his answer. His voice grew softer.

"I've had these feelings before, I think. And I might be misled but I think you have too. What say you?"

Nervosity was taking a hold of him and he could barely tell why. Because yesterday hadn't been the first day he had had such longing thoughts about Suoh, it was sufficient to admit he had wanted this for much longer. But if it wasn't a matter of uncertainty, what held him back? Perhaps a vicious deep anguish in him feared to be fooled. That he could be... Yet it was abnormal to be this scared of something so small. And despite all these reasons, something in him whispered to him that he couldn't be sure. Rochalizo mentally shook the thoughts away. No, he wanted this. He wanted to hold him again like he had and kiss his face. But he wasn't so brave as to get himself out there to get it. All he could think of was this stupid jest.

"Do you take cash?"

Suoh raised an eyebrow, at first not getting the layered joke. He thought about it, silent for a time that seemed excrutiatingly long to Rochalizo. Then he burst out laughing.

"Yes, I take that kind of cash", he said, wiping off a tear of mirth from his eye.

Rochalizo wandered on his face, unable to tell if it was the morning light, his pretty laugh, that balmy voice or the way his hair had fluttered around his shoulders but he had never been so mesmerised. His tender smile was aimed at nobody but him. Rochalizo took his time, leaning in edgily, clumsily towards the other. When he felt Suoh's lukewarm breath on his lips, a shudder traveled his back, strenghtening his yearning and narrowing the distance between them. Their philtrums brushed and he could not wait any longer. Slipping his hands into his, he pressed their lips together and gave him a small kiss. Then two feather-light pecks.

Suoh's coy smile on his flushed face when he drew back was even more bewitching than the last.

OoOoO

If only he had known in that moment what was going on in Suoh's mind. Some questions had crossed his mind of course. It was odd at the time that he would take no time to think and consider the results of his actions. His demand on a shooting training could be explained by the prism of his unbent will to protect the island. But their relationship, what could it protect? Rochalizo could've waited for an answer, but Suoh had decided to jump into a relationship head first, not pondering the matter more. Despite his feelings for Rochalizo being — he was convinced — very real, it was a uselessly broken rule and a new element of chaos amidst the already steaming Armaggedon. To accept it so easily, with no worries of repercussions, unafraid of those rules he broke one by one, leading to the slow downfall of the civilisation's stems, civilisation in which he took in an important part and adored... Something was off. As was beginning to love in the middle of a war... Some motive on his part had been concealed, but Rochalizo would learn it far too late.

OoOoO

The rest of the day went by rashly, as though the sun competed with the moon to catch her up and journey together for the following cycles. Rochalizo's first mission for today had been crowned with failure. Making sure he had drank two glasses of water and as much as he could — only a couple of nuts and bamboo shoots unfortunately —, he had exited Suoh's house leaving behind clear instructions on the sleep he needed to catch up with. However, as he had set off to speak with the army commander, he had laid eyes from afar, on the group of advisers who made their way there too. A good three minutes later and they were leaving, followed by Suoh. He didn't interfere, despite wanting to; the leader had to discuss other important matters related to the rescue team organisation planned for the next day, at dawn.

It didn't mean Rochalizo agreed with the plan now, but knowing that more people than just Shuan and him would be involved in this folly ensuring more chances of making it work, achieved half a peace in him. Also, it wasn't like he hadn't tried to think of an alternative. Ideas and diverse strategies had roamed his mind all day, unsuccesfully, so this must be why, he was cutting Suoh's plan some slack. Although, if he could, he would still try to discourage him from going and have him consider an alternative.

There a small cracking of twigs. Rochalizo turned around abruptly, on his guards. The trees in the nearby gardens swayed quitely, shedding some of their leaves away, a sight too reassuring for such a sinister sound, as if whispering faintly they knew something he didn't. His eyes scanned the perimeter of the hills which stretched away before his eyes, wary and now preoccupied by the prospect of a human presence he would've failed to detect. Be it the people who could be finding themselves in this area, in unlucky hazardous circumstances or because they had been followed, he wished he would have to deal with neither. In fact, it could compromise their plan greatly, if not be the final blow depending on the comer. But, when he spotted a dozen of meters away, a slim silhouette drapped in white, trotting in his direction, he sighed in relief. Good, Suoh had found a way to come to this place unnoticed. Well, almost, he thought as he then witnessed Suoh's dramatic fall in a bunch of ferns.

"Did you hurt yourself?", he whispered, as he walked rapidly to his side, his voice conveying the tone of someone who had seen too much of these falls.

Suoh stood back on his knees, smiling at him from underneath.

"You really meant that, didn't you?", he teased, grabbing the hand the other was offering.

"Don't complain... You trip on air most of the time so that saves me some worry".

It would've been true before the events of the night before. Rochalizo couldn't afford to be careless now and despite an apparent detachment, he made sure the chief didn't seem in pain.

"Very considerate", Suoh laughed and, back on his feet, bent to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

As soon as that exchange ended, the young leader proceeded to switch immediately to a more stern attitude; as they took the direction of the basement, he engaged in conversation about the blocking process of the sounds of weapons and he already sounded like a completely different person. A chief, not a teenager. Rochalizo wasn't attentive for the first ten seconds, his mind still thinking of that insignificant kiss. Would they regularly show affection from now on? That sounded most troublesome for his capacity to focus. He joined in and they discussed the gear needed for protection, as well as the equipment and, as Suoh was interested in, those soundproof panels he possessed to reduce the noise to a minimum. Opening the path below, Suoh asked the reason for so much equipment since in a real life situation, they wouldn't have the time nor the stamina to carry those heavy implements. To this remark, Rochalizo replied that, as a rookie and a very clumsy one that is, they had better preventing all risks.

The atmosphere as they descended the long set of stairs leading underground was of a strange kind. At first, this fizzing in his chest was thrilling, similar to the excitement on the onset of a small quest. Yet the thrill faded just as it had come, replaced by a gradually building fear which torn at his stomach. They moved carefully, alert, throwing looks behind them at the slight suspicious sound. They looked much like outlaws who knew could come to an arrest, and perhaps they could if found out. Less bearable than fear was guilt, this sensation of high betrayal, as if their slow escape (and everything from now on) consisted in an atrocious punishable crime. Perhaps, Suoh must have felt that way; despite saying he didn't feel bad for betraying rules which could not save them, he could not shake the guilt for destroying what his ancestors had struggled to put into place and built. He was like a shaky rock on top of the pile, threatening to have it collapse whole and there was no way he felt indifferent to that. Rochalizo, him, felt like a second-time betrayer. But they moved at a determined pace, feeling nonetheless, a hint of pride in the fact that tomorrow, one more could be defending the Mud Whale along with the others.

Suoh walked in front, guiding them into the dephts. He enlightened him on the running of the room and gave out other precisions on how it was connected to another room which they had to make sure wouldn't warn of their presences. He didn't beat around the bush, tackling the issue of the guns already and asking for the right posture. Rochalizo's eyes laid on Suoh's neck listening to his questions with half an ear, his core torn. He hadn't forgotten Suoh's tears the night before and how the prospect of resolving to killing had broken him. His guts couldn't help but twist as he imagined him holding that gun and anxiety rose as that moment approached the more stairs they left behind. Yet, from time to time, always unexpectedly, Suoh slid in playful comments and he laughed, or brief displays of affection like a hand brushing a strand or the top of his back and it made his heart beat wildly in complete bliss. Rochalizo suspected he did that for the purpose of keeping their minds busy so the wrenching, morbid thoughts would be kept at bay and their emotions not interpose too much.

It made his heart crush a little more. It didn't seem so because that carefree facade he bore always and always was the one carrying their grief on his back. Others could suggest to handle the burden as a team and he would meekly accept, but in truth, would only have them believe that and not share an ounce of his load. He never stopped once to breathe, perhaps thinking that cheering them both was another of the many imperatives he had to inflict on himself. He certainly didn't know, for Rochalizo had never dared saying it out loud, but Suoh didn't need to crack any comments, he didn't need to talk. Having him besides him was enough. He achieved in cheering him up, by just being here as Rochalizo laid eyes on him and filled his mind with his own daydreams formed off daily, magical sights of Suoh.

Settled downstairs, they disposed the soundproof boards around the room. The basement was a narrow place which stretched on its lenght, uncluttered, of an abyssal emptiness in general. Beams intersected on the low muddy ceiling which moist and silt released in the air smells of humidity and dirt. Rochalizo had never visited this place and he stood in the entrance, wide-eyed. During nighttime, the rock walls and boulders dampened the air they breathed and causing this feeling of chilling humidity on the skin. Moss glistened of a shallow light through the rocks, a helping eye in the dark of the basement. Suoh followed a path he seemed to know better than he had confessed and crouched to light up a few candles, then placed them at a reasonable distance, allowing them to practice without running the risk of putting them out while training nor knocking them off, but all the while conserving a good visibility. Then, he joined Rochalizo again on the threshold, his brow frowned in slight irritation as though it said 'be faster!'. He could hide many things but he couldn't hide his stress.

"Are you coming?"

— Yeah, sorry!", he replied, hurrying up to the spot the young leader pointed so he'd unpack the few bags on the floor.

So they stored them here... Doing so, he got out two guns and, from two other bags, headgears, safety earmuffs and a bulletproof vest. He felt Suoh's gaze on the equipment; he stood there from afar as though he wished to delay the moment he would have to get involved. Rochalizo would've wished to avoid that too, but against himself, he heard himself call:

"Come now! I'll put on your gear for you!"

He began with fixing the vest around Suoh's shoulders and fasten a few belts in the back while the latter restyled all his hair and short strands in a more convenient low bun. He looked very pretty like that but Rochalizo didn't have the heart to compliment him, he thought as he put on the other's earmuffs and tied his headgear under his chin. Next, he put on his own gear and grabbed the guns, warning Suoh of the weight. As he handed Suoh his gun, the other still got surprised by the weight of it, his arms dropping and almost dropping the weapon along with it. He then took it in his hands and observed the small details carved in the silver metal.

Rochalizo watched him attentively, checking if he could hold it correctly as he had explained earlier. His hands were placed in the correct places, but his posture was slightly off and his grip too tense. He moved behind Suoh's back and corrected his legs and head, placing his own fingers on his to shift them. Then, he brushed at the tensed knuckles to get them to relax.

"You don't have to hold it like it's gonna escape. If you hold it correctly, it won't fall", he explained.

A few tries later, when he esteemed Suoh had memorised and was able to replicate the posture and grip decently, he got out a few round targets out of the bag and went to place them on top of several rocks.

"Rochalizo, those targets are too small", Suoh argued, "I already told you this, I want you to teach me how to take a life".

One could never realise fully the wingspan of their own actions and how they took part in shaping the future; it was all too big and, first striked by cosmic horror, consciences would implode from the realisations they couldn't bear. Rochalizo's mind could never comprehend how much of an impact he was, however, those words which cut through him like blades were the small start of a realisation he was being the headman of some incredibly twisted perversion. His body relaxed, already prompt to exhibit laidbackness and this despicable counterfeit smile, even though his legs quivered and the saliva in his mouth seemed to have become as dense as cement. He wouldn't flinch. He owed it to Suoh. Despite the many contradicting thoughts howling in his mind, he didn't make any comments. Not opposing this abominable statement had him under the impression he would go out of his mind any instant, but he still made an effort to stabilise his legs. Those insane plans coming to mind consisting of running away from here with Suoh, leaving all weapons behind, he blocked, bursting the thoughts like a swollen abscess.

"If you're shooting from afar, it can be a useful exercise, don't you think?"

— That's fair. Where should I stand?"

There was no time left to lose and Suoh must have felt it, not lingering anymore on details or futile objections. Rochalizo pointed at a spot on the floor and watched Suoh memorise the mark. The latter then raised his weapons upward, aiming at the target uneasily.

"No, not like that", contradicted Rochalizo, moving closer, "You don't want to shoot at the grass, it's the enemies we're after".

It was somehow a blessing that he had taught a few youngsters the arts of war. The words came out of his mouth so easily, patient and pedagogic, with a hint of playfulness. All of this covered for his husky voice and the despair he felt at core. He had never payed attention while teaching, giving out a few tricks and tips, how there had never been much of a gap between learning to shoot and killing. You could learn it for protection but you would eventually have to kill for self-defence. You could learn to do good, but each time shooting, in the back of your mind, you would have to recognise that you possessed a way to end lives and good things althogether.

Moving Suoh's arms further up, he directed the end of his weapon a little above his target, explaining gently all the while that he would have to remember to place his aim higher, considering the effect of gravity on the bullets. Furthermore, he added, he would have to apply a few calculations and adjust his aim if the weather was windy or if it rained. Suoh nodded as he was told. Rochalizo didn't look at his face anymore. He feared it would break the self-control he had managed to keep under check until now. But somehow, he found comfort in the warmth of his arms when he needed to shift them. Suoh's first shot missed the target completely and went to the wall. His frustration was palpable.

"Don't get angry, it's only your first. You missed because you were shaking too much. Try again", he recited by rote.

He had avoided looking at the jolt of his shoulders and the glint of panic as the bullet had exited the weapon in a boom and as it had come piercing the wall, unfortunately it was all he saw as he closed his eyes. Suoh shot again; the ball hit the wall again but closer to the target this time. Rochalizo encouraged:

"You fixed your shaking, that's not bad. But you tend to bent forward when you're about to shoot. Be careful about that".

Thirty attempts later and Suoh hand't laid a single bullet in the red spot . With each failures, he got sadder but, unsurprisingly, that dtermination he bore didn't wane as though carved in his bones. Almost each time, Rochalizo could tell what was wrong and repositionned the young leader's fingers, chin or legs and they tried anew after he gave another piece of advice in a flat-toned voice, contrasting with its actual lively words. It didn't feel like interacting with Suoh anymore, but rather teaching a distant acquaintance in a distant, formal way. They didn't touch anymore, Rochalizo correcting him orally and Suoh making the changes by himself. he roamed the room in large, nonchalant circles, detahced in every way possible, forgetting the human behind the gun and instead focusing his eye on the tracking of misplaced members and common mistakes. It hurt less this way. But he made such an effort to forget and push his feelings away that he failed to notice the harbinger signs of something he could've prevented.

He was unsure how it began, of course he hadn't payed attention. Suoh still hadn't hit the target a single time and, suddenly, he didn't listen to his recommendations as much. His back was bent and when he relaxed his shoulders an instant after the shot, he pushed the back of the weapon against his chest and took it off only for a new shot, reluctantly. Once, he tried to shoot with the gun pressed against him and Rochalizo corrected the position harshly. Only when Suoh lay down his gun and sat weakly on his knees did he took notice of that little something wrong with him. Feelings came rushing back and his heart regained the strange and fast pounding it had shown when they had gone down the stairs.

"Suoh!" He was by his side in less than a second, taking a hold of his shoulders. How hadn't he noticed before? Suoh was paler than white sheets in the spring and his breathing was unsteady.

"Hey... Are you alright? You need a break... Suoh what's happenng?", he managed to articulate through a barely cooperating mouth.

"I... I'm fine, it's just... My...", the other began, his right hand clutching at the fabric covering his chest.

Rochalizo's mind froze. He worried so much he was no longer able to think, only stare. However, his hands which greasped Suoh's wrist instinctively made the pieces of consciousness fall back together.

"Stay still", he ordered a little too roughly before locking eyes with him. He was certain Suoh could make out the shameless fear in his eyes, leaving him vulnerable but he no longer cared.

"Don't faint again, I beg you. Are you hurting? Is it hunger?

— It's nothing, I need to pursue the train—

— I'm gonna fucking kill you, Suoh!", Rochalizo shouted at him, his voice rising in the high pitch. Pushing him back, he lay him on the ground as fast as the gentleness allowed. Suoh's protests were faint but disappeared as Rochalizo moved behind him and sat on his knees so they could support his head and, took of his gear rapidly despite his trembling hands. He got rid of his helmet first, then his bulletproof jacket. Pushing all of that aside, he lifted up his tunic. His milky chest still presented purple bruises, scars and scabs and as he trailed his eyes further, he noticed one of them displaying a most concerning shade of yellow and brown. The wound looked benign when he had first examined it last night. Could it be that it had goten infected overnight?

"Did it hurt before?", he asked, strangely calm, trying to figure how bad it was.

"Yes...", admitted Suoh, averting his gaze.

The Prince took a deep breath to avoid succumbing to fear, or possibly to anger. His heart ached with reproches he wished to lash out on Suoh, to vehemently diss his inability to take care of himself. But there was no time, for he was either in critical state, busy or in need to cool down and sleep. Alternating between these three states, he could always escape his admonitions and thus never learnt. The Prince's fists clenched; the anger he felt got duplicated somewhat the more he gazed at Suoh and as certain questions without an answer arose. All of this would have to wait. Again. Placing the other's head on the floor carefully, he got up and walked towards the bag he had let in a corner.

"I brought some liquor... I think it can help".

Suoh watched him as he crouched before him and poured some of the alcohool on his wound. The wail which escaped his mouth made Rochalizo jump a little.

"I'm sorry... I'm not good at this...

— Use a cloth as a compress", muttered the other, breathing through the pain.

"We don't have any here...", replied Rochalizo, panicking.

Before Suoh could tell him something, he ran back to the bag he had brought and presented to Suoh a few handkerchiefs.

"Can this work?

— Yes...

— Alright... Um, watch out for more pain coming, I'm sorry!

— ...

— I can't believe I'm asking you advice while you're the one injured, I'm terrible at this..."

Past the first moments of panic, Rochalizo could make a compress and press it to the wound a few times. Delicately, more or less, he extracted the pus from the injury and applied more alcohool. Such manipulations caused a thin flow of blood to pour out and he almost worried but it turned out the blood was easy to stop. From time to time, he lent an ear to Suoh's littlesounds of pain which were now no more, which was reassuring. He thought with many regretsthat he should've brought actual medical material since the hankerchiefs after a few utilisations lost their absorption and even, (it was a problem), stuck to the injury and he sometimes struggled getting them out. The positive thing was that now, Suoh's body relaxed, while, as he still checked regularly, was still fully conscious. When the blood dried out, he got out fresh handkerchiefs and used them as bandages. Suoh lay there on the ground, breathing deeply. He was still very pale. Rochalizo felt some relief to some extent and he allowed himself a short break, laying down besides him. Concerned eyes met weary ones and, in need of comfort, Rochalizo sought Suoh's hand and held it.

"Do you think you'll be fine?"

As he uttered it, this question didn't seem to stick to this moment, but rather encompassed every other future hardship. He should have known though, that there was no way Suoh would ever tell the truth for such matters.

"Yes... Don't worry.

— Don't worry?!", Rochalizo snorted gloomily.

In response, Suoh merely pulled the other's arm weakly and, Rochalizo rolled to his side. He came closer, filling the distance Suoh couldn't and wrapped his left arm around his upper torso, his other hand rubbing the green hair. It felt strange that they could be this intimate now. Suoh's face turned a little so their cheeks connected. His skin felt cold to the touch, colder than the ambiant humidity in this basement. This time, Rochalizo knew what to ask for.

"Something's wrong with you... How much did you eat today?

— You're not going to like what I'll tell you.

— As expected", Rochalizo sighed, withdrawing from their short-lived embrace.

He searched through the bag and found a few bamboo shoots. Meanwhile, Suoh succeeded in sitting through winces, taking great care as not to reopen the wound. Rochalizo came to help, allowing him to lean his head against his shoulder whereas he, divided the shoots in small wedges. Their sugary texture made his hands slightly sticky and he rubbed them against his pants, not earning a result.

"I'm useless", mumbled Suoh suddenly, "I couldn't hit a single target... And I keep involving you in my troubles instead of saving us all".

Rochalizo's heart almost fell prey to that emotional trap again but he had hurt too much tonight, all he could feel was irritation.

"I'm not gonna deny that. You are useless".

The other's head bent a little forward, still on his shoulder but eyes fixed on the floor.

"As exhausted and weak as you are now, you can't be of any use right now", carried on Rochalizo, forcefully grabbing Suoh's chin so that they faced each other and bringing a fruit chip against his lips.

"Eat this. Afterwards I'd suggest you sleep, but you won't, am I wrong?"

Suoh's tired eyes widened and, pinching his lips in guilt, he shook his head meekly.

"Then we'll resume your training and after that, I'll show you something".

The first attempts to have him fill his stomach with something resulted in failures. Despite him aching to hunger, mere fruit chips wouldn't pass his throat as if there, had been spreaded a web which prevented every food from entering his body. Those which Suoh tried to gulp inevitably ended in his cupped hands and gave him a violent cough. Last night's scenario was repeating and Rochalizo was getting anxious again. Puzzling to find a solution, he tried squeezing the juice out of the fruits' and their pulp in a glass and have him drink it. Curiously, in the form of a liquid, Suoh was better able to swallow it and digest it. Between each sip, he rested his head against Rochalizo's face or into his neck. The other gave him water too, glad that Suoh managed to drink a full glass of it; he pressed warm kisses to his temples every now and then.

Some bitter feeling was growing in his chest. Perhaps it was the circumstances of war, the ubiquitted uncertainty or the pain but a question had wandered in the realms of his mind like a beggar no one would hear at first. However when all lights shut out and the crowds of body sensations and fears deserted, it was still there and made sure to make itself heard. Now hesitantly, he lay another kiss on Suoh's baby hair, at the limit between his brow and his skull. It was beyond depressing, seeing the dream he had longed for so long become such an easy reality, but truthfully, regretting it had ever come true. He sounded like a jerk, he thought, as he observed Suoh reach for the glass on his own and lean against him lovingly. But it really had happened too fast. Not in the sense that would've liked to play hard to get. Not even in the sense that it bothered him to face together such hardships in the very first phase of what they were trying to build. If this had been what he was feeeling right now, then their friendship on the whole could've been discarded and he could be considering himself of the worst kind of human being, running away as he encountered the first problem. Rather than these bleak reasons, it was something he struggled to put into words and couldn't even put into coherent thoughts. Something in his guts told him it wasn't the right moment at all, to be together. For an all the more obscure reason, he thought Suoh's behaviour was out of place, odd and unnatural. He loved him. He loved him so much... But the question which had troubled him all day resurfaced; why would Suoh ever choose to express his feelings for him on the dawn of the riskier expedition he would've ever led?

The sudden presence of a hand on his face took him aback. Suoh was smiling at him, brushing the blond hair off his face. Rochalizo could tell by the way his lips had moved that he had just told him something, but he hadn't been listening. He blushed at the display of affection, under the impression his face was now too revealed.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

Suoh's lips stretched mischevously.

"I said your eyes are very pretty. Don't always hide them behind your strands".

His lips had moved differently this time so he was sure that was not what he had said in the first place, but there was no doubt, given the way Suoh looked at him that he genuinely thought that. Rochalizo's previous gloomy ruminations still wobbled on the front seat of his mind and as he looked through Suoh's eyes, but he couldn't help but blush a little. However weakened and dependant Suoh could be tonight, he still was very much in control of how embarrassed he could make him. A troublesome power he sometimes wished would go away, but not for too long, that would be a shame.

"Are we getting back to training?", asked Suoh tentatively, as if Rochalizo was the one being inconvenienced and not the other way around. Of course, Rochalizo was beginning to feel some tiredness in his legs and his eyes, when he did not strive to focus on his task, returned him a slightly blurry overview of the basement. He knew his brain wasn't at its full potential since this familiar urge to rush through things often crossed his mind now, but he had been lucky to get four hours of sleep. Suoh had barely had two.

Rochalizo stood up and offered his hand, in a way of agreeing, handed Suoh his gun and they resumed the shooting. The visions of him holding and brandishing his felt weapon felt alarmingly trivial now.

Throughout the training, Rochalizo noticed that Suoh barely stood on his feet, giving off the impression that he was a reed cane , still standing by whatever miracle. It seemed this way because all the energy he had left, he focused on the way he held his weapon which position had become excellent. It would only be a matter of time before Suoh's bullets would hit the center of the target. For what it was worth, his munitions already rammed and hit the sides of them, which was an (was this the appropriate word?) amazing improvement.

Moreover, the atmosphere had been tense before, but to both their astonishment — while surely also efforts coming from both — those dark mental clouds had cleared and they were able to smile at each other and laugh and even tease. It could've been this strange euphoria which came along sometimes with a lack of sleep and it wasn't for the worse since it helped dedramatise their situation by a lot. Even precious miserable thoughts had been forgotten. All that was left to think of was hitting the target like they were two kids playing a game of darts. Rochalizo had been teasing Suoh for the past minutes, in a jocular tone, talking to get him unfocused.

"Go on!", incited Rochalizo, through small bursts of laughter, "I'm sure you can't hit this one!

— Well, I can't if you're planning to keep on distracting me!", Suoh retorted, giggling along.

Rochalizo stepped even closer than he had been and moved behind the other. His mind was overthrown in thoughts of Suoh and he could think of nothing else. He was right there, with him and he wanted to touch him. Circling his hips with his arms, his hands brushed the fabric on his sides and came resting against the other's belly. His neck stretched upwards so he could whisper in his ear:

"What about now? Am I distracting now?"

Much to his delight, he saw a small blush creep up Suoh's cheeks and neck from where he stood. He could also see the determined childish smirk he displayed as he turned his still pinkish face in his direction.

"I'm gonna hit it anyway, just watch me!

— Oh I'm watching!", Rochalizo smiled back, laying a last kiss on the back of his neck which got Suoh so flustered he had to readjust his position.

He stepped back so he could follow the bullet's trajectory. Suoh's shoulders tensed as he directed the tip towards the target. Bracing himself for the impact, he anchored his feet on the ground and calmed his breathing. Then, there was a tremendous boom as the bullet was projected out of the gun. Rochalizo peered directly at the target; the ball had hit the smaller extremity of the center. Three centimeters or so and the shot would've been a perfect one. But they had not been aiming for perfection, just for Suoh to know how to handle a gun. Rochalizo stared at Suoh in awe. Then, he started bouncing on his feet, clapping all the while.

"You did it Suoh! You did it!"

Rochalizo's cry of joy was quickly followed by Suoh's. The young leader grabbed his hands, his smile carved into his face from ear to ear and his eyes sparkling in glee.

"I hit it! Did you see it?! Did you?!"

Rochalizo vehemently nodded at him, showing such an excited smile, Suoh mimicked it and they both jumped on the spot, hands in hands, celebrating in small squeaks, their insignificant victory but which to them, mattered so much. In this instant, they ressembled small children, lost in the innocence of their joy for such a small thing, sharing a few looks and excited laughs, the sweet satisfaction of what looked like the quest's end, the treasure. They stopped bouncing but their hearts did not as they grinned together for no other reason than relief and the happiness only a hardly-earned achievement could produce. Then, Suoh's helmet banged against his and Rochalizo saw the latter go from confusion to mirth. Rochalizo's mind was too foggy to understand what had happened but he kept chuckling sillily and he still was when Suoh wrested the helmet off his green head, sent it flying behind and kissed him.

Their kiss was filled, at first, with foolish sounds of theirs and they couldn't stop for a while, giggling through their intertwined lips. It grew more passionate as Suoh's hands slid under Rochalizo's chin and flung his own helmet, there could only be heard the sounds of suction and those of mouths cherishing each other, from time to time, their fingers treading in each other's hair and ruffling it wildly, earning lovely sounds from the other. The scene was almost unreal, them sharing affections in that dark basement , finding themselves in a place where they should not be, at a time of the night they should not be awake, dressed in those most rebellious army gear. And kissing the mayor, kissing him until his jaw was sore and his lips limp.

Rochalizo suddenly couldn't remember why they were devouring each other, but he had never felt such a strong urge to take care of Suoh and to signify his devotion and all those words he hadn't had the balls to say. As he bit the pink lips and their tongues rubbed needily, a bold thought slipped in and he considered taking off Suoh's bulletproof vest and perhaps all of his clothes on the heels of that. He pulled away, his hands still cupping Suoh's now lovely flushed face. It surely wasn't much of a stretch to say that similar thoughts had sprouted in the other's mind since the look on his face was a hungry one. They shared a long steamy glance which felt a lot like kissing again.

When Suoh's hands grabbed his shoulders and shifted, his wet mouth now on his neck fondling his skin, Rochalizo didn't wait another second; he slipped the tips of his fingers under his jacket, his knuckles less easily until they got stuck under it. His fingers brushing against the still clothed midriff insistantly earned a low moan from Suoh which he felt pulsate against his jugular. Rochalizo's breath hitched, sighing in pleasure too from the little sounds, rustled so close to his ear. Then, he felt Suoh's hands on his, moving away to yank at the back of his own vest so he could loosen a few belts and allow the Prince's hands beneath.

While Suoh slipped the skin of his neck between his teeth and lips and he shivered from the act, Rochalizo's blue fingers wandered through the folds of his tunic and under before meeting the flesh. Inside the cloth, it was hot and he clumsily trailed his fingers across his navel, then trailed them more carefully when the other's mouth left his neck, gaping slightly at the temperature shock. Suoh stopped his ministrations and stood there, watching him fondly, his hands in the ginger hair. Exploring his belly with a bit of coyness, Rochalizo found, to his amazement that some parts were covered in very thin fuzz. His mouth opened a little, fingertips slowly following upward the trail of tiny hair until he brushed against his ribs. He raised hesitant eyelashes to cross Suoh's gaze and saw the latter bit his lip, his eyes gleaming with the warmth of a thousand suns on midsummer's day. Then, Suoh threw himself in his arms. He held him tight, so tight Rochalizo struggled to breathe, but did he need that anyway when he could inhale the smells of trees, tall herbs and plums in his hair? A breathy laugh escaped the Prince's throat and he returned the hug, pressing him closer in a warm embrace. A tender one which the other's hand secured behind his back like a safe and reassuring lock.

They pulled away a second time, minutes after and Suoh suggested he tried again. Rochalizo didn't say much at first, too embarrassed to talk after they had just made out. But he agreed with the plan, exposing it would be a good thing to verify his shooting consistency. The other joked that he thought he had hit the target that one time only thanks to rookie's luck and Rochalizo laughed, teasing that all the others had been.

As arranged, Suoh brandished his weapon again and, going beyond every expectation Rochalizo could've ever had, he shot his bullets just as good as the last one. The Prince was so stunned, he was at a loss of words every other shot, but when he did find them, he didn't lack in praise for Suoh.

At some point however, the tranquil euphoria which had seized them like a drug came to a low and he became aware of the painful responsabilities and questions he had left behind. Suoh had not, still grinning like the idiot he was. He couldn't see this scene with the same eyes anymore and felt a stranger to the previous exhilarating moments they had just lived together. His heart heavy, he sat against the wall near the candlelights, took off his helmet and safety earmuffs and called for Suoh to stop shooting and join him.

"Why now?! I'm getting better!"

He shot another bullet at the upper target.

"I'm not playing around, Suoh. Quit it and come here".

Rochalizo's tone was firm.

"You sound so upset...", Suoh asked through little laughs, "You're good at pretending, I almost got—

— I'm not pretending", he replied, dryly.

This time, the young leader seemed to understand the time for joking was over. He lay down his gun to the ground and sat with Rochalizo in the back corner of the room.

"Are you alright?", he asked, this foolish smile not leaving his cheeks.

The Prince thought of replying something cruel and sour but he stopped himself just before he could utter it. It may be Suoh's fault for making up such a delirious plan but he couldn't be angry at him. It was the only plan which could assure a result without a war, if it hadn't come up with it, it would've been someone else.

"I don't want you to go...

— Huh? — In a few hours, I don't want you to go".

The young leader's face grew stern. He too, was coming back from that elating, floating state and it wasn't a pretty sight. His traits deformed in bitterness and he lost his smile so abruptly he could've sworn the room temperature had just dropped from a few degrees. As he came back to himself, his face whose uplifting emotions could be read as easily as an open book revealed no more secrets, having closed his heart to the world. Those steadfast eyes were stiffer than iron when he declared:

"I am going. I will not let you stop me".

Sharp and cold, this answer for the Prince, felt as though he had just been slapped. Before he realised, he had bitten the inside of his mouth and his flesh bled, he tasted the metallic taste on his tongue. It took him a great will to oppose what had just been said. Although he didn't recognise the person before his eyes, his feelings remained unaltered.

"No! This is folly! I've thought about it just now — actually I've thought about it all day and I can't see any way this could go well!"

Suoh stood up in front of him. From this angle, sprawled on the floor, Rochalizo felt even smaller and powerless. For a moment, he was under the impression to be staring into foe's eyes; his limbs were failing him, he couldn't move. Had he always been so intimidating?

"This will work. It has to".

He didn't mean for it to go this way, but his cornea filled with hot tears. Rochalizo bit his lips before he talked or he felt he would burst into tears.

"You can't make it work! He's cunning! And full of malice! And he's not like you! He has a terrible saimia and he's got brute force! Anyone is weak against him, especially you!"

Silent fell upon the basement and he thought for a second that he might have hit him with logic, that those hard, cold facts could have awaken some sense in him. But he witnessed Suoh's brutal turnaround and his fast footsteps in the opposite direction. He was leaving!

"Wait!", Rochalizo begged.

The young leader came to a halt, however it was not to grant Rochalizo's wish. He bent over to pick up his weapon, got in position and aimed at the hardest target. The bullet sound echoed through the entire basement. Rochalizo slammed his hands against his ears and forced his eyes closed, his head turned away. When he reopened them, he saw through the dust cloud which Suoh had hoisted as he had shot, that the bullet had hit the centre of the target.

Suoh turned around to face him, bearing that untenable stone cold expression.

"Tell me if I am weak, I dare you".

Rochalizo couldn't say anything, his mind had gone blank anyway. A moment, he lost himself in those eyes and he could not stand it anymore. He was so tired and he ached so much. On top of it, this bubbling worry in his chest needed to cease before it made him lose him mind. He hid in his hands, for he didn't wish to let Suoh see that, but he didn't manage to suppress his faint sobs and cries.

"Don't go... P-Please... They nee-need you here... And I need y-you".

What had he done to him? This had to be a nightmare. He never wanted him to touch that gun ever again. Suoh walked farther away from him, leaving only the back of his silhouette for him to see. Perhaps it was what the Prince wanted to perceive through the unflinching voice, but his voice didn't seem so ruthless and devoided of care anymore. The words, them, had grown crueller.

"You are so selfish, Rochalizo... You would want me to stay, giving up on our friends, leaving innocent people to die.

— It is you who is selfish!", the other screamed at his back, tears visibly streaming down his face, "You do reckless things with your life as if it doesn't matter if you die! You say you care about about people but you don't care that they love you! You don't care that they're suffering for your sake!"

Suoh flipped around violently, his eyes strickening Rochalizo down but for no less than a second as he bowed his face and narrowly crossed his fingers. His knuckles bled.

"Don't ever say things like that again", he said in a loud, broken whisper, then his voice gained intensity again, "All I do is care! I bear the weight of all your lives on my shoulders! I am only thinking of my people! I am making them happy!

— That's the point! You shouldn't choosing others over yourself! Especially now that you're sick!

— I am not sick! And I am tired of hearing you say that... Get it in your head that I don't matter! I have no importance, I am living for them!

— If that's fine by them that you're their puppet, then good for them, but I can't have you be so careless!

— All I do is care, Rochalizo!

Suoh's fingers folded tightly again, eyes peering uncomfortably into the Prince's who lowered them immediately. He had made it clear that thei talk was over, however if he dared bracing the silence and fill it with new nonsense, he showed he was all the more ready for another confrontation. Rochalizo was done arguing. Sniffling and wiping away his tears in frustration with the side of his hand, he sat back miserably, hands between his legs. He felt like crying again but he widened his eyes in an attempt to fight back the tears. When he deemed his voice was approximately stable to talk again, he sucked in air and began tentatively:

"Then... Explain to me why... Why you...—

However Suoh cut him off harshly. As it seemed, he had expected another fit of anger but hadn't been prepared for more sadness and despair. He seized his head in his hands as if the sole act of the other talking menaced to drive him to insanity.

"Be quiet! Don't talk anymore! Leave me..."

Rochalizo's head bent again. The words which he hadn't been allowed to say and which he still kept inside went up to his face and added pain to his expression, swelling his cheeks with suffering as if they were prisonners, banging on walls to be let out and obtain grace. No matter what he felt now, he decided on standing up and joined Suoh, walking at a fast pace. Suoh gulped his saliva, unsure of what to expect from him. Seeing the other raising his left arm at him, he raised his to, preparing to counter a kick. But Rochalizo had more strenght, he took a hold of both his arms and spreaded them apart brutally. Suoh closed his eyes, waiting to feel pain at some point on his body but nothing came. Reopening them slowly, he was suddenly yanked into a close embrace. His arms lay to his sides, useless, as he felt Rochalizo's head bury in his hair and his nails tuck at the back of his tunic, not letting go. The Prince's other hand stroked the middle of his back, feeling the skin over the cloth, as if it wished to remember and anchor the memory of how Suoh's body was formed, forever in its fingertips.

The latter sighed miserably and brought his own hands to Rochalizo's back. Yet, the moment his palms brushed against the other's shoulder blades, Rochalizo pulled back and, his face torn with wrath, he punched Suoh's face with such violence, Suoh collapsed on the floor. Sprawled on his legs, Suoh watched him from underneath, stunned as he held his painful cheek and expressing some barely concealed, raw fear.

"Oh... Don't look at me like that", growled Rochalizo, a small sardonic laugh escaping his lips, "This is what you make me feel all the time!"

Suoh's fear melted into deep guilt and his lids covered his pupils an instant so that Rochalizo wouldn't read more of him. He drew out a shaky breath.

"Do you understand...?! ... What I'm trying to say?!", he pursued, walking in circles near him, his voice raspy with bitterness, "You would hate it if I got hurt and you would want me to be safe! And if I didn't listen to you, you'd feel awful! I feel the same about you! You're not a symbol thats's unbreakable, immune to damage! You're a human before you are whatever else!"

Suoh was rubbing his palms against his eyes. Since they had dragged in the dirt before, his face was dirty and displayed shades of brown and a light grey.

"You can't comprehend our culture and traditions through outsider eyes...", he faintly whispered, oddly mecanically, as though he had rehearsed that saying many times in his head.

Rochalizo stopped walking in circles and looked at him with brand new eyes, although, not the kind Suoh would've wished he would make use of. He was seeing something in Suoh he had never noticed before. Something he couldn't have uncovered through their idle chit-chat and daily deep conversations around the chess board or the campfire. Suddenly, he wasn't angry anymore. He struggled to tell what he felt; it was a feeling of a strange emptiness. He kneeled before Suoh and asked gently:

"Are you hurt?"

Suoh understood they were burying the hatchet tonight and that they would not fight as long as they would be here. He shook his head slowly.

"No... I'm fine..."

— That's relieving to hear. What about your wound? Did it reopen?

— I can't say for sure...

— Can I look? Or do you prefer to do it yourself?

— No, go ahead", Suoh said meekly, agreeing to his first demand.

Rochalizo lifted up his tunic and checked his bandages and what was underneath. A few seconds later and he sat back next to him, confirming everything was fine. They grew silent again, standing close to each other but barely looking the other in the eye. There had been so much hurt in their words and looks. After a while, Rochalizo shifted on his knees and cleared his voice, uneasily.

"I said I'd show you something, remember?"

Suoh nodded, meeting his eyes for the first time since they had shouted. Rochalizo's tone grew sad.

"Are you scared of me now? Scared that I'll hit you again?"

Suoh shook his head, denying with violence.

"I'm not... I will never be..."

He continued with something Rochalizo hadn't expected him to utter so soon.

"And... Rochalizo... I... I feel bad for everything I said. I've hurt you and I can't stand it... I want to understand your opinion so that I can't hurt you again. Even if I don't get you, I will be careful. I don't wan't to hurt you..."

Rochalizo's heart warmed a little. He could sense that the young leader's words were more than an apology. There were a promise to take care of his feelings and to respect his beliefs despite not sharing them. He felt heard and valued now, but he gave him a sad smile.

"I know you are being sincere but I don't think you can accept my opinion given that yours is already so strong on the matter", he said, and spoke over Suoh who tried to add something, his eyes then losing their way into the green hair, "And I'm also sorry. You're the most selfless person I know and you didn't deserve that punch..."

Suoh visibly abandoned his idea of protesting and kept quiet. He sank into the Prince's words and a legere, sad smile pierced his lips too.

"You wished to show me something?", he asked, timidly.

"Oh... That's true", Rochalizo mouthed, having almost forgotten.

Rubbing the back of his head, he crawled a few meters away until he could lean his back against the wall. He then gestured for Suoh to come. When they both had their backs against the rock, he told the other to sit comfortably as if preparing for sleep and to relax every muscle he could feel was tense in his body. Suoh followed his words, not questionning them once, declenching his jaw, then his shoulders. Ultimately, Rochalizo's hand brushed against his fingers, the only articulation Suoh had accidentally skipped and the other relaxed them under his touch. Then, he instructed he closed half his eyes until he was seeing the external world through his eyelashes. The young leader did as he was told, looking better than he had during this whole night, however as Rochalizo noticed it, hid body still fiercely fought sleep.

"Now listen to me. This is a technique I used when I went sailing by myself", Rochalizo confessed awkwardly, embarrassed to be sharing something about his own experience but he hadn't found a way to cover it up as someone else's.

Suoh listened attentively, his brow ridding of th wrinkles of worry.

"The thing is, there are moments where you have to be attentive at all times, you can't afford to lose focus, because if you do , you're doomed. But you're also craving sleep and if you don't rest at some point, it's really going to get worse, which is... Incidentally the position you're in now, am I right?"

The other's head nodded almost imperceptibly.

"So... You do just that by maintaining your eyes half closed. You can still see what's going on you can get back some sleep! In fact, the longer you stay like this, the more micro-sleeping sessions you're accumulating and thus perhaps taking back thirty minutes of sleep if you do this for a while".

Suoh shifted against the wall to get into a better position. His right palm was open, fingers slightly parted on the floor. Rochalizo had a sudden urge to hold it in his. And pretend it was an accident that their ribs would be touching. Perhaps from then, they could cuddle... No. He repressed the thought. That idea competed with some of the worst ideas he had ever had in his life. From now on, they should be avoiding physical contacts, put some distance between them as long as the situation would remain the same. He couldn't love Suoh like he had before if, by dawn, he disappeared for good, never to return. He couldn't do that to his own heart.

Suoh's eyes were still half-closed when he started talking again. His voice was unsteady, thick, as though filled with tears. Rochalizo tried to interrupt him; at first because he was ruining the exercise, then because he had guessed where Suoh was heading to. He was aiming for his heart, as mercilessly as if he still held that gun in that instant.

"I know... I know what you meant to ask me... 'Explain to me why... Why you would express your feelings for me if you think you're as unimportant?'... That is what you meant to say, is it not?"

Rochalizo's heart fell from his chest. Suoh's husky voice made him unable to breathe. He had wanted an explanation ever since Suoh had admitted to him his feelings of love, but he wasn't sure he still fervently desired to hear it now. Especially since it was becoming apparent that it would hurt more than it would soothe.

"Because... Because... I've wanted to know what it felt like. I wanted to see if I could get someone to love me. And I wanted to see if I could pretend to love. And be like the others. Just once. I've wanted to know just once if something... If something were to happe—

— Don't say it. Don't fucking say it, Suoh", Rochalizo warned, trying to be firm, but failing as tears had begun pouring out of his eyes again and his words were small and broken, "I don't want to hear..."

But much to his horror, Suoh wouldn't stop. He had started his ugly confession and he would see it end.

"I don't know how to love. I've never been taught to pay attention to my feelings, nor to listen or decypher what they mean to me... They would always say 'repress them, your heart is not big enough to love for your people and a lover and you couldn't if you tried'. And that is correct... Because I'm not my own person. It isn't my purpose".

Suoh didn't face him as he talked. It would have hurt too much to feel such freedom and release while he gazed into the eyes of the one he was destroying, so he could stand up on his promontory of liberation. This revelation, he confided to the wall, for it never wailed in pain or in joy. It didn't care about your awful ways and if it didn't held you back if you decided your time had come to shove away your happiness. Whatever you chose, it would still shelter your head and lend an indifferent eye. Suoh needed that indifference. He didn't want to believe he had mattered so much as to cause such great sufferings.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm not really in love with you. I've pretended I was..."

Suoh was crying too. Long streams of tears dripped down and wetted his cheeks. He looked so full of guilt, he looked as though he woud pass out from the weight of it, his hands feeling up his heart, verifying it had not burst already. Rochalizo closed his eyes so he could for mere instants, forget the other's existence and kill the throbbing feelings in his chest. He needed to stop for a second and think, but he couldn't. The pain of having been deceived wasn't, surprisingly, as great as the pain of feeling abandonned. He felt lost and reduced to a crying child, unable to process his emotions too consequent for him. He felt cold and out of place and scared all of a sudden. Was it how it felt?, to lose the something which gave you hope. He had desired to be loved with every fiber in his body. Was this what the destructive voice in his mind fed on, delighted that it could prove him for good that all his slanders and bad-mouthings had turned out to be true?

And yet, it could be that he was refusing to let go, moved by a steadfast imbecility which still wished to believe he was being played. It could be that he couldn't wake up from this dream and so he clinged to it desperatly. But something was amiss. Something didn't click with it all.

"You're lying...", said Rochalizo, very quietly.

If this was denial, then he was in the deep. But he felt carried by some truth which still shed some light on his darkened, polluted thoughts.

"You're lying", he repeated.

"No, it's the truth!", persisted the other, hiccuping, "I've faked it. I'm not deserving of you...

— Like hell you are!", retorted Rochalizo standing up, screaming as his mouth twisted, the strands of his hair sticking to his drenched face.

"But you have to believe me! I've hidden all those things from you like...! Like a manipulator!", Suoh screamed in return, his fists so curled they had turned white, desperate to have his deviousness known.

"A manipulator?!", Rochalizo almost choked, "You think yourself so great and evil so you can fool me?!"

Rochalizo's mouth was open in bewilderement, tears getting in the way of his words. He wiped them all away, although more were cascading down his cheekbones. He couldn't believe Suoh would think that of himself.

"You stupid monkey, do you think you're so discreete as to hid your ways like a mastermind?! Others can see what you're planning when you're acting fishy! I even bet they knew what you were up to at the council! They can often tell when you're lying! Including me!, while you're thinking you're a cold-hearted genius!"

Suoh's eyes widened and he folded an arm over him, looking down in shame.

"I might have needed a confirmation, but I think I already knew, deep down, what you were doing. You were trying to sacrifice yourself, so you've broken all those rules, just so you could live fully just once..."

It cost a lot to Rochalizo to extract those observations he had been ruminating but refused to trust. Now that they were uttered out loud, their reality had heightened and the world felt like a nightmare.

"You've noticed...", said Suoh meekly, disgruntled, wiping away his tears.

It was a strange and unfamiliar sight, gazing upon the young leader's confused expression, as though he was a kid caught lying his way out of a mistake he would've committed. Wavering in inquisition, his prunels seemed to be whispering nonsense. Rochalizo shook his head in disbelief.

"You're so dumb... You're so dumb..."

He kneeled down before him, grabbing his hands in his. He hurt and he knew he would hurt harder if he turned out to be wrong. But he was filled with a fool's hope now.

"If you want to confess it all, then confess to me how long you've pretended".

Suoh seemed astonished by such a question. He bit his lip and averted his gaze, but nonetheless silently agreed to answer. He thought less than a few seconds. It was a well delimited moment in time.

"Since the moment I've kissed you for the first time".

Rochalizo fell silent. As he gazed into Suoh's pupils, memories from many entangled times rushed to his mind. He flickered through them, blinded by the warm golden light they reflected. He was seeing them; laughing together, chatting happily, annoying the other, fighting, smiling, simply enjoying the other's presence. Some dated from barely three days ago, some were three months old, but what general truth could be brought out of those sweet, sweet scenes was the amount of care. How much care they had put into their interactions and the pleasure as they were able stand close. He saw in a blink of the eye, those understated gentle gestures they had shared, those shy looks and foolish embarrass, the head-falling-on-shoulders moments; all of them were brimming over with love. With unmistakable love.

Rochalizo brushed Suoh's wet hair off his face and tucked it gently behind his ears.

"Then I don't think you were pretending".

It had all become cristal clear now. He thought he had known the many forms emotional abuse could take and how it manifested in people, how people's ways of thinking distorted under their influence, being fed with nothing but lies. He knew emotional blackmail, threats, guilt trips, violence gatekeeps, undermining to keep under control. He knew how those patterns were repeated to induce profound self-hate and dependance to the ones who perpetuated them. But he hadn't imagined it could be rooted so deep as to shatter one's capacity to know themselves and to know how they loved. It turned out, its viciousness could affect anything, turn a brain upside down and carve into their soul beliefs of a life-long damage. Of all people, he hadn't imagined to find it in Suoh. And yet, he realised now, of all people, he was the one with the most chances of falling prey to it.

Suoh's eyes wavered in doubt and confusion, looking much like a wild animal encircled by threats. He didn't know anymore if he had been pretending all along or if it had been true. And how could he know? He had never had the tools to say. To complicate things further, emotions weren't as easy to analyse; what began as play-pretend could transform into genuine feelings; what began as sincerity could get you to fake by the time you'd reach the end of the play. Suoh surely didn't know that.

"I... I don't know what I feel now...", the latter said in a small, diminished voice and he then hid his face in his palms.

Rochalizo sat again with him, his mind foggy with lack of sleep. He didn't prevent their shoulders from brushing together. His cheeks took on a brighter colour.

"I love... Being with you. And the way things have been since today. I don't want it to stop... I'm convinced you didn't put an act, because you can love, you're full of it. But if you found you've really faked it, you'll tell me. I won't blame it on you", he then raised his voice and felt his teeth grit, "We'll blame it on your fucking ancestors".

Surprisingly, Suoh didn't oppose the statement. He just lay there against the wall, looking into the distance, wandering on the ghosts of what existed in the room, pondering. Indeed, he would have a lot of pondering to do now. And many things to feel again, through his own prism.

OoOoO

Their bodies were close, but their minds so far away. Rochalizo made this constation as he noticed Suoh's eyes were locked in his, thinking, analysing himself until his brain hurt. While his own eyes no longer looked into his, but at the light reflection in them, announcing the first clearings of the sky which always preceded dawn. It would almost be dawn. And dawn brought important decisions. Breaking the sort of hypnose they had been into, he pointed at the stairs from which emanated the lights he had seen shimmering in the blue irises. He wanted Suoh to see there was little time left. The latter turned around, but knowing the end of their night escape reached its end didn't have the same effect on him. Rochalizo's determination had been renewed. If anything, it only made Suoh more miserable.

"It's gonna be dawn in less than three quarters. You give me no choice. I'm coming with you".

Suoh's face turned austere. Rochalizo knew he hated the perspective of that but the dark look he granted him with left the other mute. Sighing reluctantly, he leaned back against the wall. Rochalizo thought he would at least try to dissuade him to come but Suoh merely stretched his arm towards him. He vaguely nodded, accepting the proposal and shifted very close to him. Suoh's gesture had clearly been an invitation into his arms but he did the opposite, pulling Suoh by the waist into his own arms. This warm body against him was a benediction and chased away the pain of sleep deprivation. He felt like staying here forever, nuzzling against the nape of his neck, hands holding him tight. While he did, Suoh's face threw backwards on his shoulder and he rested still, breathing in his hair. Everything was calm and soft. After a short while, he offered some honey combs, thinking it would give him the right amount of energy to keep sleep at bay while also filling his stomach. Suoh ate them slowly, leaving out half of them, unable to eat more and yet, a small child would've gulped them all and not felt satisfied for brakfast.

From then, Suoh settled against him again, complaining he was feeling very cold and Rochalizo held him with the full lenght of his arms, his knees and his face, hoping it would establish a siege around Suoh's body and that the cold would surrender to him.

They kept awake, pressed against each other, immersed in the relaxation exercise. Sometimes, Suoh carefully shifted his wrists or his feet so he knew he was still up. But at the same time, he could tell he was gradually falling into a light stage of unconsciousness, emitting small mindless sounds as he exhaled. Rochalizo would've wished he could fall asleep completely, but he had decided to go on with his plan and trust his actions. He was going with him after all, so he could watch over Suoh in case things turned badly.

This lethargic feeling had taken a hold of his limbs and he struggled to move, forced into a heavy but pleasant paralysis. Lights began to dance in front of his eyes in flashy, colourful patches and he saw incredulous visions superpose onto the walls of the basement he barely distinguished now. He felt himself fading away into a black abyss which was nor deep nor shallow, but the red and yellow patches were rotating, flickering, going on and off, guiding far away from here and far away from Suoh's wavy hair and smooth skin, until he lost sight, then sensation of them. His last moment of consciousness as he recalled it later was this slight tingle he had experienced on his lips, as though someone was kissing them softly, before slowly moving away.

OoOoO

No one said a word. In spite of the purring of the engine and the occasional grating of Chasmourito's hands on the rudder, the submarine was filled with a restless apprehension. Suoh stood up in a corner, keeping still, trying to get his eyes to accommodate again to the blinding morning lights. Shaken by the small jerks of the boat, but paying no attention, his eyes trailed on the brown foam and the seagulls they passed by, the long dark tunnels of sand they plundged deep into as they dived underwater. He stopped watching after a while, when he felt too lightheaded and dazed and folded his fingers, as a way of bearing it all. His head hurt and he could see little strands of hair before his eyes, although not his and chased away by the wave of a hand. He thought he was seeing and feeling insects on his arms and back, but there was nothing and although the submarine's floor was flat and equal, he was under the impression to be standing on a slope. He would give anything to just let himself fall down there on the floor and sleep through the day.

"Is everything fine, Suoh?", asked a voice which seemed very distant.

He opened his eyes to Kuchiba who granted him a look of concern. Smiling in a reassuring manner, Suoh nodded.

"A bit of sea sickness, that is all, Kuchiba.

— Sea sickness...? I know this boat is rocking a lot, but you would be the first..."

The young leader laughed and said nothing to that. He waited for Kuchiba to swallow his stupid lie and cross the room to find himself a spot on the ground and sit down. Chakuro, crouching a meter away from him, gave him a worried look, emphasising he didn't really believe that. But that too passed. When all eyes moved away from him, Suoh closed his lids over half his eyes and, one by one, relaxed all the muscles in his body. He remembered last night how this hand had brushed against his fingers and he loosened them too. Then, he calmed his breathing, feeling how fast his heart beat and attempting to slow it down. However, he hardly managed to make it work, for he lacked a specific pair of warm arms around him and the guilt in his throat, couldn't be relaxed.

OoOoO

"You guys are back!", exclaimed Rochalizo, barely believing his eyes.

He ran through the room to meet the counselor and halted just a few inches before crashing into him. The latter raised his arms in astonishment, screeching a light 'hey!' and protesting. Rochalizo gazed upon Kuchiba as though he was seeing a ghost and he had to refrain from touching his shoulder, he, who wasn't touchy-feely at all ordinarily. The things anguish and fear did to people...

Kuchiba didn't reciprocate the look, his eyes stuck to the few weapons the Prince had carried with him in his arms.

"Rochalizo...

— Did you all come back?! And are you all safe?!"

He had asked with such fear in his voice and his throat was so tight, he was sure it came out strangled. But he had to know. His heart missed a beat when he saw Kuchiba hesitate, but then, he nodded slowly and Rochalizo could feel himself breathe again. He exhaled in a deep sigh and brought a hand to his face, smiling so hard, his cheeks hurt.

"Good gracious me!"

His hands placed over his mouth, then his eyes, his nose. He felt such relief he could have danced on the spot. Raising his face again towards the counselor, who watched him with mild bewilderment, he opened his mouth to say something again but he cut himself off. He turned around and gave another look to the bed from the corner of the room. There lay Furano, one of those who didn't make it through and had died under the remains of the second tower. Shinono and the other counselor who were preparing the deathbed looked at him blankly. Suddenly, he felt shame wash over him. It was improper to rejoice in the presence of people who had someone to grieve over. Adopting the island's ways of addressing respect to the dead, he folded his hands briefly and closed his eyes.

"Sadly, there's no time for that either", began Kuchiba again, contradicting his previous thoughts, "Give me a weapon, Rochalizo!"

In the background, the two other counselors nodded fiercely. Kuchiba's determination had revived their strenght.

"Me too!

— Yes, give me one too!"

Rochalizo distributed the weapons. He had come for that reason. Although they wouldn't know how to use it, the Unmarked ought to have a way to defend themselves. When they all held an arm and had their hands on the trigger, adjusting it to their height, he asked, his voice firm.

"Where is Suoh?

— He should be in the central place.

— Can I give him a weapon too?"

Kuchiba gave him a hard look and Rochalizo knew he was weighing what would be most damaging to them. He was part of the council after all, it was his role to supervise and assure the mayor remained a pacific, gentle, uncorrupted person. Yet, as he had said earlier, was there time to ponder in such precarious times? Perhaps still some, to a certain extent, as it concerned the survival of one of the most fundamental rules of the island. However, Rochalizo knew he would eventually lean towards acceptance. In this moment, having lost one of his comrades, he was ready to get his peace back, at whatever cost. When he saw Kuchiba start bopping his head, in order to agree, he curved his eyebrows, unsurprised. Poor Kuchiba... He didn't know he had had no say in the matter, for Suoh had held a gun yesterday and this very morning and had gotten corrupted whether he would've wished it or not. Whatever role you were assigned on the Mud Whale, it seemed to signify you were going to be powerless anyway.

Rochalizo didn't wait for him to verbally agree. His simple nod was enough to send him out the door and start running. Today, he could have ran hundreds of kilometers, just to make sure for himself and witness with his own eyes that Suoh had really come back. He jumped over fences, trampled over flowers and bushes, knocked over seats and tools, probably broke a few, but he kept running. As he got to the central place, he first saw the crowds of citizens which formed large disorganised groups. He could see Chakuro down te alley... And Ohni and Lykos! and how it felt good to see them again! He really wondered what had happened on Karkarias now and how they had managed to get them back, especially for Lykos since she was the Commander's sister, was she not? To restore peace with talking and argumentation. That was such a Suoh thing. But it seemed it had somehow worked and he got excited now at the perspective of complimenting him on his incredibly mad success.

He wouldn't do just that however. He had woken up this morning, stirred up by agitation and crowds panicking. He had known, before anyone else, finding himself alone in that humid basement that Suoh had left without him. He had punched the wall, cursed him, curled onto himself and despaired. He had been certain he might never see him again. Acting like he didn't know had been the hardest part; he almost blurted out everything he knew at some point when people rushed to him and informed him on what he already knew and wished to forget. When the clueless counselors declared their leader had gone, he had almost wanted to laugh. They were all so useless as to let an 18 years old kid face their biggest enemy in their place. He had spent the past hours in fear, blaming himself.

When he would find him and that was only a matter of seconds now, he would tell him off, yell, make him known he was an irresponsible bastard. Shout at him how he hated his damn guts and all of his crazy don't-tell policies.

Shuan stood there, in the north-est field, ordering things which didn't hear from the distance. Next to him, stood a silhouette drapped in white, his green hair flowing in the wind, moving his arms and giving directions for the people to follow. Rochalizo thought he had gone blind for a second, for he couldn't make out his traits due to bubbling excitement or relief but he knew it was him. He ran faster, the weapon he still bore joggling as he picked up the pace. At a few ten meters away, he cried Suoh's name. The latter turned around and they faced each other. Time seemed to froze in that instant. He would've wished to jump into his arms and tell many, many things, but neither of them moved, nor opened their mouth in reality. They could only stare. Then, Suoh turned his back on him and made his demand to Shuan clear:

"Guide the people safely underground and protect them! I need your strenght!

— Sure, Mr. Mayor!

— To the basement!", he then cried at his people, "Shelter there! Do not touch that thing nor the soldiers! Rochalizo and I will go fight off the soldiers on the southern slope, behind the central tower!"

Having had his order, Shuan hurried to rassemble the groups of people who waited there restlessly, almost yielding to panic. The Prince walked up to Suoh. Seeing him so close and alive and well, he forgot everything he wanted to say. All he thought of saying was that now that the mayor had returned, he needed to make a report. He had seen horrific things before the little crew had had the time to come back. They had lost friends to unknown forces and had been hopeless as to how to prevent those same cases from happening. It was probably the worst feeling there was.

"Several of your people have been swallowed by that thing... I don't know what's going on".

The young leader's face stiffened.

— I came to give you this, Suoh!", Rochalizo said, panting all the while.

"Thank you!", the other said, showing off fierce resoluteness.

The bags under his eyes had grown darker and he seemed to stumble around more than moving graciously, as he more or less did usually. The presence of a bandage around his right forearm had Rochalizo alarmed for a second, but seeing Suoh could it shift it without too much difficulty, he assumed it had gotten better. That was a story he would want to listen to. In fact, he would surely hear a lot of things; going to Karkarias in itself was already an exploit but coming back from it... He had prepared to keep his tongue in his mouth, for there was no now no time. The lands were swarming with soldiers and their threat was all the more unsettling since they didn't look like humans nor possessed any of weaknesses. But he couldn't repress a few questions. As they ran together to the southern slope, Rochalizo grabbed his hand.

"How are you still standing?! You look exhausted!", he screamed against the howling wind on his face.

"I'll be alright!

— And how did you manage to leave?!

— I'll explain later!", replied Suoh, looking at him behind his shoulder.

As expected, he wished to be brief. In such a situation, they weren't lovers. Not even friends. He gave orders, the Prince gave out advice and they suppressed the danger for the people. It was a first, but Suoh ran so fast he barely kept up. He only followed closely because their hands intertwined tightly, however it wasn't a pleasant hold since the mayor's nails gratted against his palms stressfully. The path of the tall herbs somewhat slowed them down; they brushed around Suoh's face and mingled into his ponytail, got into Rochalizo's blouse and boots, two got in his mouth. The central tower wasn't far and they circumvented the screes, watching out for rock falls. It used to be such a majestic monument; now it was giving up the ghost.

They came to a stop finally, halting at the cliff's edge. There, the ground shook beneath their feet and they clung to each other. Dust lifted up around them and they breathed smells of ashes. Rochalizo didn't know where the sea was anymore but he distinguished through the grey cloud, a gigantic shape make its way through. It was moving so slowly but already taking up so much space in his eyesight field, it felt like a planet had come crashing down on them. This dark haze steeply dissipated and suddenly, they were hit by an intense light of such a pure white, it glistened all around them like a divine halo. Rochalizo's eyes were burning. Had he tried to imagine the end of the world, it would've probably looked like this. He forced his eyes open so he could still make out the large shape. Squinting through his hurting retinas, he recognised the boat which had been attacking them. Suoh's nails sunk deeper into his palm and he heard him scream his name as though it was very far away.

"That ship is too close!", he cried back, his legs shaking so much, he wondered how he still stood.

Suoh fell onto him and huddled against his arm, gaping in horror and Rochalizo held his fingers as tight as he could. They raised their eyes and followed together the hull of the boat come so close its railing soon outreached their field of view and they had to crane their necks. They didn't think of fleeing, petrified as they were by this monster in size. And where to flee now? It encompassed everything; the fields waned away, outshone by this hypnotic white light and the sky seemed to have been ingested. Then, there was a loud boom, the sound of something crashing and immediately after, the earth shook anew.

"It rammed us!"

This time, the shock was so enormous, it knocked them on to the ground. Entire bits of the cliff broke off and when he noticed, Rochalizo wrapped his arms around and yanked him backwards so he didn't fell off the cliff. Both hardly breathed, covered in cold sweat and shaking like leaves. Suoh was the first to get up again.

"Over there!"

Rochalizo got up right after him and his eyes looked at what he was pointing. On the lower part of the boat, ennemy soldiers were infiltrating through every opening. Some kids standing on a higher part called for Suoh and he urged them to get to the basement. Rochalizo had his eyes fixed on the soldiers crossing over. They were little dots running around, similar to ants, almost insignificant from afar but were growing bigger and bigger. They must have spotted them. They were coming. Once the kids had headed in the opposite direction, the soldiers were running along the path, going up the hill. Suoh turned around, shockingly calm. He raised his weapon and adjusted it in his hands. Rochalizo had realised how much he hated him wield one when they were training yesterday, but to see him with one in the open air, ready to inflict death... The loud click it produced as Suoh removed the safety piece was a wake up call.

"Suoh...", he began, his lip trembling.

More soldiers were coming this way. The clown faces on their masks seemed to laugh at them.

"Are you sure?! These soldiers are still people!"

Suoh had a small, sad smile. His words cut through Rochalizo like glass.

— Do you think me incapable of hurting people?"

He bent his head over hid a second behind his hair. When he stood straight again, he looked as determined as ever. His long hair fluttered in the wind and he dared for some of the first times, showing how he really felt inside. The despair, the doubts, the pain. He had never looked as ephemeral as he had now and this new vulnerability made it seem like he would break into small grains of sand.

"I... Swore that I would protect this island without resorting to violence... I still hope to do that..."

Rochalizo's eyes widened.

"It was only one night but... Rochalizo... Thank you for teaching me how to shoot".

Everything went too fast. The soldiers were a few meters behind. He saw Suoh raise his weapon and then, the bullet hit a man in a loud bang. One after the others, the soldiers hit the ground. Rochalizo had his eyes fixed on Suoh who did not blink once as he administered the fatal blow. His stomach turned and he slammed a had against his mouth; he felt like puking. It was Suoh, this kind and once innocent person who used to loathe any form of violence, repelled by a simple punch, annihilating human beings, making them bleed and tearing them apart. The childlike wonder-tainted lens he used to watch the world with had finally slit.

"It's okay, Suoh, leave it to me!", he yelled through the gunshots.

Yet Suoh kept moving further away from him as though he didn't hear him anymore. Perhaps he didn't, immersed in his killing spree, his hand pulling the trigger every five second. The soldiers he had knocked to the ground however, got back on their feet, slowly and what they thought remained a small group of three quickly turned into a crows of invaders. And Suoh ran to meet them; Rochalizo's heart leapt out of his chest.

"I don't want to fight!", he shouted at the void.

Rochalizo called for him to come back, his voice screeching and thick with worry. He ran after him, his legs so mellow he tripped almost every step.

"I don't want to fight! I don't want to fight!

— Suoh, come back!"

The young leader shot every other second now. He didn't bother who he got shot, what he hit, but the bullets rained. Enemies fell over and got back and fell over again. Rochalizo saw from where he stood, a pair of arm flying away, followed by a skull and this time, he did feel the acid liquid go up his throat. Suoh kept shooting, impertubable, but it could be heard that his voice had began flinching. It was begging for a stop.

"When... We're finally on the other side of this... I'm... I'm going to do things my way...

— Suoh, NO!

The soldiers had agglutinated, tightening their ranks. The bullets Suoh shot hit them, but it no longer made them fall.

"I'm bringing everyone to new lands peacefully!", he cried out, running head first into the group of soldiers.

Rochalizo saw him disappear behind the thick mass of helmets and armours and he shouted his name. Then, the same pure white light flashed before his eyes and he watched, powerlessly, as Suoh crashed into the soldiers. As soon as the two entities touched, a green branch of vegetation unwinded around the first soldier's arms. What looked like lichen and weed jumped at Suoh like snakes and opened their jaws wide. The thick braches wrapped around his arms and his legs. He struggled for a while, trying to untangle, but it was as though some parts of him had been anaesthetised. His fast frightened breathing could be heard from afar. Then, the crawling weed rammed against his entire silhouette; it covered his face and entered his eyes until Suoh's pupils seemed to have turned to ice. The frail body slowly stopped struggling, until it didn't move. Until it didn't show any signs of life. No one could have guessed there had ever been a human being in this thin mass of wild nature and white cristal.

Rochalizo emitted a crying sound, but he had shouted Suoh's name so loudly, his voice had broken and no sound came out.

OoOoO

From every corner, the island echoed in sounds of suffering; a few strip of lands away, a couple of voices shouted in fear, protecting something with their lives and bare fists, and behind the hills, children were crying. Torn screams of anguish and wails of despair gushed from the underground, as though the earth itself had awoken and mourned for what was lost, sometimes followed by the buffetting of metallic gear hammering the ground in an endless death parade.

But Rochalizo's world was silent. He heard nothing except for the sound of the faint ringing in his ears and those of his footsteps on the grass. Slowly, he stepped over a corpse and another, careful as not to come in physical contact with them. Those cadavers did not bleed like humans; from their sieved armour and arms flowed some sticky, pale green liquid which could have been tree sap. His own hands were soaked in it and he felt some on his face, pouring on his cheeks. As he had found out, this substance didn't have the goal of trapping people like any other body parts of those monsters did. It was the remain of some humanity in there, what used to be lively, young blood, belonging to someone.

He couldn't remember how they had all fallen to the ground. He had spaced out for a second and it had felt as though he had seen himself, floating behind his body before coming back. He didn't remember either how he had found the strenght to walk up to here. His memory messed with him. Feeling foggy, he walked through another pile of those corpses. One of them had collapsed with his hands stilled as he was catching someone. Rochalizo's eyes followed the sight and his eyes gazed upon a white statue. Its hands were raised mid-air, as if attempting to catch something and his left arm was brought closer to the chest, protective. Rochalizo gazed upon the white face nonchalantly. When his eyes lay on the statue's eyes, he felt as though he had just been struck by thunder. He stumbled backwards and collapsed on the grass, but his eyes still locked with his big, cristal eyes and the porcelaine wavy hair which fell on them.

Suoh... Everything was coming back. What had just happened to his brain? He had cried his name and then... Then what? But nothing mattered anymore in this instant. He got back on his feet and extended a hand towards the precious body. He must be having a nightmare, for Suoh couldn't really be gone. He was stronger than that and not so obliging to his enemies as to let himself be rid of so easily. He would wake up at some point or another and break through that stone. Or he would appear mysteriously behind his back and claimed what Rochalizo looked at was a fake. His eyes blinked several times, his mind barely making connections. He felt limp and weary and although he knew something was terribly wrong and he must've felt worse than he did now, he just stood there, mute, no intense feeling to make his heart beat. It couldn't be real.

At some point, he realised he had sat next to the statue. He felt no feelings or hate nor deep sadness but couldn't look away. Even as he realised gradually that dusk had come and that his legs ached in pain, his mind commanded him to stay.

"Rochalizo...", said a voice, in a low comforting tone.

He suddenly felt the presence of a hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn around but he knew thanks to her intonation that it had been Ginshu. How long had she been there?

"I've called you before... You didn't hear, right?", she pursued, trying to be gentle.

Rochalizo did not reply. His eyes were still fixed on Suoh's frozen body and, all of a sudden, the pain he had foreseen would come came tearing at his chest and heart.

"It's over, Rochi. We've defeated them. You should come eat something".

He heard Ginshu sit besides him. Her too, was laying eyes on Suoh's terrified face, standing still, wheras he, had started shaking. The pain in his chest had become unbearable and made him want to crawl on the ground and slam his knees into himself. His eyes wavered, the more he lost himself into the lifeless ones. Ginshu nodded compassionately, trying to express how she understood.

"I've been sad before but it's gone... I'm just angry now".

She paused for a moment. It was apparent that she contained herself a minimum so she wouldn't shout in frustration. Her fists pulled at the grass in small grits.

"Have you ever lost comrades, Rochi?"

The other shook his head slowly. He didn't see Ginshu anymore in his side viewing field. Everything had been flooded by the tears in his eyes. His breathing got heavy and fast but he nevertheless felt no oxygen at all in his lungs.

"I hope it never happens to you again", she whispered, in a sorry voice which burned with frustration and the wounds of injustice.

Standing up, she granted Suoh with a last look and left the gardens. A while after she was gone, the tears exploded on Rochalizo's cheeks and he could finally move. His body launched forward, on his knees and he cried. He cried for a long time, his whole body shaken by sobs and his throat hurting, hurting from wailing so much. His knees shook violently and so did his arms, until he was left laying on the grass, curled on himself. He begged things, mumbled nonsense he wasn't sure he himself didn't understood and when he didn't, he was choking and coughing through the tears and the saliva which drooled from his mouth. He hurt and the thought of having no one around anymore was unconceivable. Most unsustainable were those waves of cold in his body. He was on his own. Never again would Suoh come walking up to him, smiling, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Never again would he see him simply exist, go through existence with the joy that only he could induce and embellish people's by a mere presence.

Pain didn't give him a break, and, he was still sobbing when he felt his insides had started burning. It was fine. He could burn along with them. He couldn't see how life would ever be worth it now that he was gone. There wasn't anything he wished to do if Suoh wasn't there by his side.

"Please come back... Please come back... I need you here...", he stuttered, raising his brutally itching eyes towards Suoh's stoned face.

In all likelihood, had they never met, this wouldn't have happened. He was responsible for his death, more than anyone was. He had been the one to put him through this hell, to have caused Ohni and Lykos' capture leading to him going back and meeting the second Empire ship. He had been the one to give him that gun. He had been the one to give in to his demands and let him go down the drain. His stomach turned a few times and felt on the verge of puking again. Suoh's death was his fault.

Time consciousness got back to his head after what could be hours later. The tears had dried a little and he looked around, seeing only the dark formless shapes of trees and bushes and the silhouette of north tower up the hill. It must be the middle of the night. Rochalizo sat back on his knees; his legs hurt and fatigue was making him dizzy but stronger than all body sensations was that ache in his heart. He extended his arm again towards Suoh. He knew he couldn't touch him; if he did he would live the same fate and turn into stone. But wouldn't that be the best option he had? Rochalizo didn't believe in life after death. He didn't believe they would be reunited if he brushed his hand against the green, lethal branches. But what if he didn't want to see the end either? Everything from now would be dull and an endless pain and if he could just... Forget everything, have his conscience wiped out of the surface of this world... He was tired. Tired of hurting and the solution was right in front of him. If he touched him... Then he would know peace again. And as he had hurted to take Suoh's frail body into his arms, he would leave this world in his embrace. It wouldn't be so bad. It wouldn't hurt. It would be as though he would fall into a deep, soothing sleep. Sleeping through his life and more, sleeping through the ages and never having to cry or to grieve ever again.

His hand came closer until it almost touched Suoh's cheek. But what happened next shook him to the core; he looked into his beloved's eyes, longing for release, ready to let himself fall into his arms, but as his eyes gazed into the crystal ones, he thought he felt them looking back. Suddenly it was as though those pupils flickered in anger, communicating as violently as he had been shouted at, an intimidation, an strict command to keep his distance. A warning, that if he dared taking this next step, something terrible, other than death, would happen. Rochalizo screamed in shock and terror and collapsed to the ground. Too stupefied to think, Rochalizo crawled away, breathing fast. However, when he raised his face to look at Suoh again, it was as though those eyes had always been still and he had just dreamed this.

"Su— Suoh...?", the boy stammered, dumbstruck.

But Suoh didn't gave an answer. His body kept still, eyes still seeing in utter fright an enemy who had been long gone. Rochalizo massaged his head, he had a migraine now.

"Am I losing my mind?"

He crawled back closer to the statue and watched him silently, bearing this wretched expression of misery. He wanted to hold him in his arms. He wanted to touch him, to feel the heat of his skin again and kiss his hair. The knot in his throat tightened. To make up for the missing warmth, he wrapped his arms against himself and pretended it was Suoh hugging him. He curled into a ball at the statue's feet, his back as close to it as he could afford to and let his body reclaim the sleep it had been aching to get.

He shifted even closer. He needed to feel his presence behind his back before he fell asleep. Softly, from the tip of his lips, he whispered, to feign he wasn't as alone as he felt, as he was:

"Good night, Suoh".

OoOoO

When the first lights of the day brushed against his face and he sensed the tiny rays of heat warm up his skin, Rochalizo's eyes fluttered open. He felt good for a while, contemplating the awaking nature around him taking on more passionate and brighter colours, as they chased the grey remains of the night before. A bird flew over his head and he watched his flight tranquilly.

The ache in his body came back as soon as he remembered. And as soon as he regained the agony that had been his and the burning of his guts, stomach and chest, his first thought was to turn around to see if he had been dreaming all this. The sight which met his gaze filled him with despair anew; he still stood there, arms raised mid-air, frozen for good, feeling deep horror as his last experience and feelings in this cruel world. Looking around, he cursed this place and told himself he had never lain eyes on something so ugly.

He sat back close to him and cried. He didn't got to say goodbye and he didn't got to say a lot of things he would've wished to confess. Now that all was gone with the wind, where would all those things he felt go? It seemed as though those repressed emotions ripped off at his flesh, deep inside and made him bleed. Had his internal organs opened and suffered a haemorrahage, he could not have told the difference.

"I love you", he murmured, tasting his tears' salt on his tongue, "I love you... But there's no use in saying that anymore, is there?"

He lay against the grass on the spot where he had slept and came close to Suoh, but turned his back on him. As his lids closed over his eyes, more hot tears poured.

"Do you hate me? Do you hate me because I couldn't protect you?"

He brought his knees to his chest and held narrowly, burying his nose in them.

"I miss you..."

The sun had risen higher above in the sky, small human sounds coud be heard from over the hills. Grasshoppers had begun singing softly and there were occasional rustles in the bushes. The world didn't care for people's losses. Despite everything, it was a new day. Rochalizo curled around the statue's feet, broken.

"Good morning, Suoh".

They came slowly, so slowly he didn't pay attention at first. He soon felt the presence of warm arms, wrapping around his waist and middle. Gentle and careful, as though they rediscovered him for the first time. Rochalizo's pupils widened but he could't move; it was his time to be frozen. Then, those arms circled him faster and held him tight. So tight he forgot what those long, loney, cold hours had felt. They fell into the nil when he felt a soft head bump into his shoulder and when from the corner of his eye, he saw a single thin strand of green hair fall along his shoulder and into his neck.

"Good morning", replied a sweet voice.

His entire body shivered from the shock.

He flipped around, his stomach tightening in fear at the thought of being mistaken and came nose-to-nose with a pale, weary face. Suoh's face. Not his stoned face, his full-fledged face, with its small imperfections and pores and its uneven colours. He was facing his flesh, his human body, which moved and breathed. Exhaustion pulled at his facial traits, but the smile he gave shone at him so brightly, he was light, and he stood with him in a luminous halo of hope amidst the first glows of the morning.

Rochalizo couldn't talk. The words didn't come and his throat blocked them all. He stared at him in awe, his heart pounding so fast his body beat to its rythm.

Half way between sat and sprawled, Suoh was before him, in the white rags of his clothes, his bare skin showing through the large rippings on his chest, waist and legs. He seemed to float into those torn fabrics, appearing in his half nakedness, the rays of sun shining on his flesh. Suoh's hands neared his face and cupped the other's cheeks and while he did so, Rochalizo felt the long nails scratch painlessly against his cheekbones.

A thick sob rose in his throat and he gave way into his arms, propulsing so hard he almost knocked him over, pressing against him. How blissful it felt to embrace him, to feel this heart beating in the flat chest and to have him reciprocate it, holding in return. It was a new day and he was alive.

Rochalizo's hands clumsily moved on his nude back, were in his back neck, tangled in his hair. He felt life under his fingertips and through the tears, a small smile springed up on his lips. Suoh let out a small giggle and hugged him tight. Rochalizo was about to lay his lips in the green hair but Suoh pulled away and cupped his face again. On the wet cheeks, he lay many quick, playful kisses which made the other chuckle along with him.

"You're here... And we're laughing like idiots. I can't believe... I can't believe...", managed to say Rochalizo, wiping off his already dried eyes, but he didn't finish.

He had not thought the end of his sentence and there were too many things he couldn't believe in this instant.

Suoh said nothing. He glanced at him with the fondest look he had ever awarded him with. Rochalizo got on his feet and lend him his hand.

"Come... I think the war's over".

Suoh grabbed his hand but gave him an awkward, amused smile.

"Rochalizo... I think I'm almost naked".

He looked preoccupied but not so much as he almost burst out laughing while explaining. Rochalizo nodded, embarrassed but too entertained not to find this amusing too. He had noticed before but was fully realising this now too. He laughed.

"... I... I know... Well... We will... Find you something".

He still offered his hand and when Suoh took it, he averted his eyes away from him and started walking in front. From the village, distant cries in joy arose for a reason he did not know yet. The towers and little dwellings loomed on the horizon too fast for his taste, for he would've wished to walk with Suoh's hand in his forever.

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