#couldn't tell you why tho; this is all just off of vibes

[sntoot]

first 3 doodles r pretty much directly from this fic, because i’m loving all the interactions in it so much (tho i subbed batu in as the wol because i know how to draw them easily and they would totally ask hythlodaeus can’t use aetherytes??)

i have no explanation for anything else really. hestia always sneaks into my page of sketches bc i like to color their hair

[paimonial-rage]

My most interacted with fics:

Cocky Bastard Vibes (Zhongli)

Tipsy Tales (Anemo boys)

Why He Rejected You (pt 1)

Telling Them Off (Ayato, Venti, Xiao)

A Sight to Behold (Yae Miko)

Obvious (Neuvillette)

Simple (Alhaitham)

What Destiny Has Brought (Fischl)

Why He Rejected You (pt 2)

Blasphemous Assumptions (Zhongli)

[stxrvel]

hate is a strong word

summary: you hated Bucky and you were convinced that he hated you back. until one time he was talking to you and it started to sound... lovely? what was happening?

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: 6k

warnings: some bad words, a lot of arguments, a HUGE flashback, a little bit of angst i think? bucky and reader insult each other, reader doesn't like to listen, bucky is easily angered, bucky likes to destroy things when he gets angry but regrets it easily, this is not exactly a healthy relationship(? descriptions of weapons, missiles and buildings being bombed, reader is also very stubborn and likes to put her life at risk… or so.

note: hi guys!! so i came back and i am kinda proud of this one. i think i haven't felt that way in a long time. i gave myself the time to write when i felt like it and it was wonderful, so this came out. also i put the poll for a whole week and i can't change it now >:(, but i think this onsehot fits the angst with a happy ending (im not sure if this fits the angst tho, you gotta tell me) but im gonna try to do something else that fits the vibe, and i'll probably do some other poll to write about someone else. (also i think i should warn you guys that i dont think im that good writing action scenes or tension scenes, so if that's bad i hope you forgive me): anyway, hope you guys like this one!! i love reading your comments so if you want and can, please leave some <33 love you all and see you next time!

part 2

Bucky was really pissing you off too much at that moment. Or maybe you were feeling a little uncomfortable.

He hadn't spoken a single word to you since you had arrived at that tiny house, only shrugged silently and then exploded. You had seen Bucky explode several times before and you admitted that watching him was somewhat entertaining; seeing the faces of frightened people, trying to flee away from his angry face and destructive hands, but physically forced to stand by and listen to his scolding. You used to have fun with that. However, at the time, when you were the extreme recipient of that anger, it wasn't so much fun.

You had already heard a couple of broken glass, shattered wood and metal containers fall to the ground. Maybe five minutes or so had passed and he was barely pausing to look at his artwork. It wasn't too much that he had taken and thrown while you had stayed in the room, but it had all sounded very loud, so you had no choice but to go out and see what he was doing.

You were leaning against the threshold of the hallway to the bedrooms, right across from the living room and kitchen. Bucky looked like he had just finished getting all his anger out when he finally stood silently. He probably thought you were asleep while he was doing all that, as if that sound couldn't wake you up. Was he really that angry about what you had done? You mean, yes, it was very risky, but there you were alive, weren't you?

You felt the best thing you could do was to stay quiet and wait for him to say or do something, because you could risk that angry outburst really coming down in your face. For that moment he had only taken it out on the house, which had nothing to do with your problems, and you didn't want the arguments to start filling the silence that followed his stillness.

But, well, you didn't always do the right thing. That's why you were in that situation in the first place.

“Are you done yet?” you signed your sentence.

Bucky had a tense posture, squared shoulders moving in rhythm with his accelerated breathing. His back was to you, staring at the kitchen counter that had been left completely empty. You knew by the way he was clasping his hands that he was trying to maintain his composure.

“Are you serious?” his voice came out hoarse, a sign of his growing anger.

Maybe you should have stopped there, or when he continued to not turn to look at you, but you just couldn't keep your mouth shut.

“What's your problem, Barnes? Yes, I took a chance, but it's not that big of a deal. It's not for this,” you pointed to the mess around you, even though he wasn't looking at you.

“It's not a big deal, you say?” Bucky moved and you felt yourself watching his angry figure move in slow motion. “What's your problem?”

His beady eyes met yours. You felt a little intimidated by the ripples of annoyance coming off his body, filling the entire room with an unbearable, suffocating tension. His scowl and that strangely calm tone of voice made your hair stand on end.

None of the pieces of glass or splintered wood on the floor looked as dangerous as that expression on Bucky's face. He looked very angry, yes, but there was also something in his eyes when he looked at you. Something like concern… but that was impossible.

“Really, Y/N, what's your problem? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Now, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I was the mission leader!” his voice rose, his body moving forward as he pointed his index finger at himself. “And you were supposed to follow my orders.”

“I did, Barnes, I-”

“No,” he exclaimed, again moving closer. “You didn't do anything I asked you to do! Why can't you just…? Argh.”

You moved back a little as he planted his hands on the dining room table. You felt a little pressure in your chest at the sight of him like this, as if defeated and hopeless. Disappointed. But that was a common thing. That's why you used to have individual missions, and that's why you didn't really like working in a team. You mean, it wasn't wrong to do it, but everything always ended up in arguments because nobody liked the way you worked, so it was better to do it alone, right?

Seeing Bucky like that reminded you of how many times you had seen that look on the faces of Steve, Natasha, Tony, Clint, even Thor… It was never welcome nor were you comfortable with what was coming next, but it was the way you worked, how could you change out of nowhere something you had done your whole life?

Maybe you just had to apologize, sometimes that worked. Because you also knew that, knowing how bossy and caring Bucky was, you should have at least held back a little during the mission. Bucky's patience couldn't stand that sort of thing.

“Listen, I'm sorry, okay? I was a little careless, but that's how-”

“A little careless?” he interrupted you, his voice and face incredulous. "You almost got yourself killed."

“We're in this job under that risk, Barnes, that's not news.”

The man in the middle of the mess ran his hands over his face, elated, frustrated and surely overwhelmed. He let out a sound somewhere between a snort and a growl before turning back to look at you.

“Why can't you just listen?”

His accusing gaze enlarged a hole in your chest that you constantly tried to ignore, planting bitter feelings of sadness that you were usually very good at avoiding. But at that moment, for some reason, you couldn't stop your face from twitching at the strong, hurt tone of the man who looked at you as if he couldn't believe who you are and what you do. It seemed like Bucky was always in denial and today he realized that what everyone always told him was true.

That look, that dull gleam in his eye, that expression of understanding… All of that you were used to seeing, but coming from him it felt different. As if you hadn't really meant to cause those feelings, as if you wanted to turn back time to do things differently. The surprisingly incredulous and remorseful look was digging deep into your head, searing itself with hot iron to make sure to haunt you in the future.

At that moment you didn't care if Bucky realized how much his words affected you. Maybe you deserved to feel that way. Maybe he should have known that it affected you too much, that would surely do more than an apology.

“If only you had listened to me, we would have left sooner and without any trouble,” Bucky spoke again after what felt like hours of silence.

You couldn't take him back. It was true.

“Why did you…? Argh. Whatever. I'm going to report to Fury.”

His figure passed you like a blur. You barely felt his presence very superficially before all was silent again.

Your heart ached again. For some reason, it wouldn't stop hurting that it was still beating.

The day before.

“WHAT?” you exclaimed in disbelief and the director's tired look reappeared.

“It's already scheduled, Y/N, I can't undo it. So just go, try to cooperate together and come back in one piece,” Fury leaned back against the back of the chair, putting his feet up on the desk.

You looked at his shoes as if they were to blame for everything.

“It's funnier to think Bucky reacted the same way,” Tony spoke up, sitting in the chair next to yours, a mocking expression on his face.

“Shut up,” you smacked his arm before turning back to the director. “Sir, you know Barnes and I don't get along and knowing that, what makes you think we'll hit it off on a mission?”

Fury shrugged. “A hunch.”

“A hunch…?” you repeated in a low tone, twice as incredulous that the big SHIELD director had just said that.

“That's it, agent, you're dismissed.”

You left his office on your own, not because you had been dispatched. The walk to the housing complex took you longer than ever at that point.

You'd only had one mission with Bucky Barnes once a couple of years ago and it had been a disaster. Your group missions usually ended with a close call, but that time with Bucky it was like going to hell and back.

You two had never gotten along. Regardless of Fury's hundreds of attempts to get along, you had never managed to vibrate on the same frequency. It seemed more like you repelled each other every time you were together, and it was totally justified because Bucky was too bossy and wouldn't let you breathe for a single second. Every second of the mission had to be ruled by him because otherwise he was going to explode into a sea of rage and, God, no one wanted to piss Bucky off in that Complex. However, you were always the first to tell him that his tactics weren't working or that he was too slow and well, naturally, you ended up arguing.

You met Natasha and Steve halfway to the rooms and from the way they both looked at each other before the redhead approached you knew you must surely have a scrunched up face.

“Did something happen?” Natasha asked as soon as she reached your side and started walking at the same pace as you, slightly more hurried than usual.

“Fury assigned me a mission with Barnes,” you spat out the good news, impossibly frowning harder at the mention of that name.

“Oh,” Natasha nodded. “Well, you could try to work things out-”

“What things, Natasha?” you paused, turning to look at her as everything around you turned red. “There's nothing to fix here, because Barnes is a stubborn, obstinate, childish, bossy, stupid man who is incapable of speaking like a civilized adult and only knows how to shout orders everywhere as if he's the bossy one in the Complex. I can't stand him!”

“Wow.”

You heard his voice.

“I hope you know the feeling is reciprocated.”

You turned to see him, his body was leaning against the island at the entrance to the kitchen, in a strategic spot as if you could never realize he was there because your path was to the other side. Natasha watched between the two of you like a tennis match, fearful as if at any moment the screaming would start and she would have to run away.

You didn't know what to do. You were super angry, yes, and you felt your blood boiling inside your veins, too. And you'd said all that stuff to Bucky's face before, and God knows how many times before you'd argued just by seeing each other in the halls of the Complex. Despite that, you felt trapped. The anger was still there, yes, but his gaze pierced through you like a sword.

“Believe me, I don't want to go on this mission with a stubborn, obstinate, headstrong, ignorant, individualist like you either, who cares not for the safety of the team but for her own victory, no matter how she achieves it.”

With his eyes sharp, his heavy footsteps approached you, echoing in your head loudly like the second hand of a clock. He had stopped at a safe distance as he spoke and at one point Natasha had grabbed your arm when it seemed you had tried to approach him as well.

“You're a hypocrite,” you spat at him.

“Ha! Me?”

“You always play the saintly dove, but you know you're not much different from me.”

“I'm nothing like you,” Bucky wrinkled his face, as if the very thought caused him to shiver with disgust.

“You're an individualist, too, imposing your plans on others.”

“You never have a plan! What do you expect me to do, let you go and die?”

“I do have plans! But you don't like them because they are more effective than yours.”

“They're more effective at the cost of risking more of our lives.”

“That's what our job is all about!”

“Our job is about protecting! How are you going to accomplish a mission if you're dead?”

“Well, I've done pretty well so far, in case you haven't noticed.”

“If I had a nickel for every time you've gone airhead straight into danger and ended up nowhere near dead, I'd have as much money as Stark.”

“And if I had a nickel for every time your stupid, slow plans have caused you to lose sight of the target and made you come back empty-handed, I'd be twice as rich as Stark.”

“At least my kill rate is minus five.”

“And my hit rate is one hundred by the way.”

“Are you even listening to what you're saying?”

“That I always finish missions on the first try, unlike you?”

“That you're treating your life like it's something insignificant.”

“Ah, now you care about my life?”

Natasha tightened her hand around your forearm again preventing you from again getting too close to the man who was getting on your nerves. Before he could respond, you spoke again:

“Look, Barnes, to make it absolutely clear to you for the rest of your long life: I love my life and I love my job. I love my life because it allows me to have this job and I love my job because it allows me to have this life. If you have a problem with how I choose to do the job, that's just that, your problem. But don't think you're coming here to give me a psychology lesson to make me believe that I don't value my life just because now you've run out of arguments. It's because I value my life, Barnes, that I always come out of every mission unscathed. I don't put myself at risk because I'm oblivious. I always have everything figured out and that's why everything always works out for me.”

Bucky snorted, his body moving away from yours, but despite that expression on his face he didn't respond again. He gave you a sidelong glance before walking back into the kitchen.

Your shoulders felt a little lighter. For a moment you thought he was going to continue arguing.

Natasha next to you sighed, finally letting go of your forearm.

“Why did you hold me so tight?” you frowned at her, rubbing the part of your skin that was slightly red. “Did you really think I was going to fight a super soldier?”

Natasha shrugged under your gaze.

“We've known you to do crazy things.”

“I wouldn't have stood a chance of beating him even if he gave me the upper hand.”

Five hours earlier.

You hadn't seen Bucky for the rest of the day after that discussion, until the next day when you had to get on the Quinjet and didn't even glance at each other.

Steve was in charge of handling the airplane and, apparently, he was also in charge of briefing you on how you were going to proceed on the mission, because Bucky was too busy drilling holes with his gaze somewhere else on the Quinjet away from the two of you.

Neither spoke when you descended nor when you approached the base apparently in a state of abandonment.

Bucky's mission were flat and simple, but as usual he had no backup plan, because all his backup plans were the same: run away. Bucky had a chick's sense of survival, that's why when things went bad was the time when he would scream at you the loudest.

Just like it happened on that mission.

“This place is deadly quiet,” you spoke for the first time, barely earning a sidelong glance from the man next to you.

You had already finished thermo-sensor checking every floor of the building and it was indeed desolate. Still, you felt a strange uncomfortable chill run down your back.

“Well, that's what deserted means,” Bucky commented, his sarcasm sharp.

You rolled your eyes at him, even if he couldn't see you, and kept walking with your gun raised as you approached the checkpoint.

“I mean I can't even hear birds or crickets, doesn't that strike you as odd?”

“Well, we're on the fourth floor, wouldn't it make it stranger if you could hear them at this altitude?”

“Well, you can hear at this height. Tell me, do you hear anything down below?”

Bucky paused. They were a few steps away from reaching the room. His deadly stare caused you nothing but boredom and you would have ignored him completely except that he let out a sigh, dejected. You detailed him minutely as he seemed to focus his hearing on external sounds.

“There's nothing,” he spoke after a few seconds, his brow slightly furrowed.

“You see?”

“But that doesn't mean anything. We'd better finish this quickly.”

Ignoring the grimace on your face, Bucky moved to step into the room whose door was wide open. You stared offended at his back and felt the urge to smack his big head with the butt of your gun.

“Here it is,” you heard him exclaim from inside.

Sighing you made your way to where he stood. A large display of old computers anchored to the wall.

“You should do it yourself,” you looked at Bucky with a smirk. “I don't handle equipment this old.”

Bucky only snorted in response and moved with his gun to another side of the room, leaving you in complete silence to do your job.

You moved quietly and sat down in front of the machines. You plugged them into the power source you brought in your suitcase and in a few minutes they began to work.

The mission was simple. There was one of the old HYDRA bases that contained specific information that Fury needed to find. Up to that point, they had searched about seven abandoned bases without any success. So there you were with Bucky, at the eighth base they had identified, digging through old commands and in another language trying to find the information they needed.

Ever since they left the Complex that morning you were convinced you would find nothing. They had already raided several bases and there were still a few more to go. The probability that you would find that information at that time was…

Bingo.

“Got it,” you exclaimed to Bucky.

You heard his hurried footsteps and then felt the warmth of his body next to you.

“Is that it?”

“Just a folder.”

“And why does it load so slowly?”

“It's an old computer, Bucky, it works at its own pace.”

Bucky gave you a sidelong glance. “Wish you understood me like you understand that thing.”

“Aish,” you pouted by way of mockery. “Jealous, Barnes?”

The aforementioned just snorted.

The load was running at forty percent and truth be told, yes, it was too slow. But you could do nothing but wait, there was no way to speed it up.

Bucky paced back and forth behind you and you just watched the green lines move as if that helped at all. But, well, what else could you do?

At one point, as the charge was about to reach eighty percent, you heard interference on your communicators.

“Argh,” you shook your head and raised your hand to move the device a little away until the sound died down. “Steve?”

There was no response.

You turned to look at Bucky, who had the same quizzical expression.

The interference returned and then you heard Steve's voice distorted.

“… of… moment!”

“What the fuck is he saying?”

Bucky remained silent, tapping the device on his ear as if that would fix it.

But you saw it before you heard Steve's voice again.

A clump of people through the window. A freshly loaded cannon.

“Barnes…”

And at that moment, Steve's voice filled them with clarity.

“It's an ambush! Get out of there now!”

The quickness of the impact didn't let you process what was happening. Less than a second after hearing Steve the ground shook beneath your feet. The cracks in the floor started small and then swallowed you apart.

You held onto a beam, barely lucid enough. You propelled yourself upward, swinging your forearms over the patch of ground that was still intact. You heard Bucky's grunts in the distance. He was surely all right.

You heard him call out to you too, but as soon as you could sit down on the ground, the first thing you did was to reach for the pendrive.

Your heart was pounding, so hard it might as well have flown out on its own. Your breathing accelerated, with adrenaline rushing through your body was the only thing you could feel. At that moment you felt capable of anything.

You stood up quickly to look out the window again. The people were gone and the cannon had been destroyed.

It was at that moment that you realized that Steve was still talking on the communicator.

“I'm fine,” you replied, after being able to decipher his words amidst the constant buzzing from the sound of the explosion and the dizziness you felt at the sight of the hole next to you.

“Okay, you're both fine,” the Captain spoke again.

“Y/N, you can get down from there and get to the floor below. I'll catch you.”

At the sound of Bucky's voice, you moved away from the window.

Bucky had landed on the floor below, and yes, from where you were you could jump up and you'd probably have nothing but a cramp.

“How's it going up there?”

“Well, the shields are holding up okay, but I've got poor vision. I think they're regrouping somewhere else.”

You looked around.

Most of the floor had swallowed up the computers, but the main one was still loading the document. You could see the green from where you were. It was at ninety-seven percent.

But it was dangerous to get too close. The pendrive was dangling from the main computer which was about to succumb to the cracked floor.

There was some concrete left in front of the computers that you could walk across, so, without a second thought, you mapped out a mental guidance plan and moved forward.

“Y/N, what the fuck are you doing?”

“I'm getting the pendrive.”

“What? Are you insane? That side of the floor isn't going to support your weight!”

“Yes it will. I know how to do it.”

You started walking all over the remaining edge of the floor in front of what was left of the computers. Small pieces would break off as you passed causing Bucky to hiss.

“Y/N, you'd better stop and get down right now. There's still a risk of them firing again.”

“I'm gonna get it, Barnes.”

“Y/N! Get down, now!”

Ignoring his command, you held onto the remaining wall in front of you as you continued on your way, almost reaching where the pendrive was, about to fall into the abyss.

Ninety-eight percent.

“Y/N!”

“Fucking hell, Barnes, will you shut the fuck up? Your yelling is breaking my concentration.”

“You want me to just stay quiet while you walk to your certain death?”

“I'm not going to dieee- ahh-”

Your left foot, the one in front, wobbled as a piece of the floor came loose. You clung tightly to the wall as best you could, breathing deeply to calm your racing heart. Panicking at that moment wasn't going to do any good.

“God, I can't believe this,” you heard Bucky's voice, muttering to himself. “Now are you really going to get off?”

His voice sounded reprimanding, but agitated. In the midst of that mess, you wondered for a moment if he was really worried.

“I'm almost there.”

You heard him grunt in the distance.

You kept moving your feet in the direction of the main computer, this time more cautiously and more slowly. The floor all along that edge was too cracked, on the verge of falling. You were surprised it had lasted this long.

At that point, Bucky started talking to Steve, but you kept your full concentration on not falling. Maybe Bucky was right and you really didn't have any regard for your life, but…. No, no. You were very sure of what you were doing. You couldn't give up without trying everything. Maybe for Bucky it was too risky, but that was your life. And you knew you could do it.

Ninety-nine.

You had reached the critical point on the ground.

The voices of the two men were becoming too overwhelming, so you quickly took off your communicator and stuffed it in one of your tactical pants pockets.

“What the fuck did you just do?” Bucky exclaimed, a considerable distance away. He wasn't as far away as you thought.

“Your voices are distracting me!”

Good. You were close. Maybe from there you could reach it… if you stretched a little… a little more… a little- Whoop. Nope. You weren't that close. Another chunk of floor fell and with it everything around you shifted. The concrete was so unstable that it tilted further into the abyss after your not at all incredible maneuver.

You had to get even closer.

You had to use plan c.

But for that, the pendrive had to be one hundred percent charged and you weren't sure you could wait for that. Or well, you weren't sure the floor would hold. You had to be quick.

You heard Bucky behind you, but his words were carried away by the wind. You couldn't focus on him because that would be too distracting.

So, arriving at point x, you executed your plan as quickly as possible.

You ran. Even if the world was falling down, you ran. In the direction of the pendrive. The green number didn't change. You took a deep breath. You felt the sparks fly around you. The sound of the ground cracking was going to haunt you in several dreams.

You picked up the pendrive. You would have a few extra seconds as you leaned over and climbed over the computers to gain momentum.

The bing of the computer filled you with a rush of adrenaline.

One hundred percent.

You jumped. You held your breath for a second. Nerves built up in your throat. You felt like you were going to lose consciousness for a minute. Maybe you heard Bucky in the background, you weren't sure, but knowing him he was probably still scolding you.

In the midst of a deep exhalation…

Your feet hit the ground. You rolled. You moved quickly as you turned to see that the ground was still falling. You got up and ran.

You ran until you collided with a solid body. Bucky was shaking your shoulders.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" he exclaimed, his face angry.

You could hear Steve's voice through his communicator because of how close he was.

“Shit.”

He grabbed your arm and you ran again.

Somehow, Bucky managed to get you out of the building as they bombed it again. You had a gunfight the moment you touched the cold snow.

You moved alongside Bucky like a symphony, aiming and firing with your gun until you managed to get away.

When you noticed that you kept going and kept running…

“Where's Steve?”

“If you had your fucking communicator on…”

Bucky grabbed your hand again to keep running.

You quickly reached a shack that looked abandoned and the man next to you wasted no time in letting go of you and running in the direction of what appeared to be a garage. There was a motorcycle.

You reached into your pocket only to realize that the communicator had been destroyed.

And Bucky looked too angry to want to talk.

“Get on.”

He drove all the way into town, but he didn't stop there.

You were on the road for at least about two hours. You had no idea where you were.

Somewhere along that trip, Bucky stopped in front of another abandoned shack and from there he pulled out a car. He set the bike on fire.

You went back on the road, for at least another hour.

Until you reached a small town and Bucky finally stopped in front of a house that didn't look so neglected.

“They destroyed the Quinjet's shields at missile point. Steve had to leave. We'll stay here until I can get through to Fury and we know what to do.”

His voice gave no room for retorts.

Present.

Well, yes, you were a bit reckless during missions, but so what? You got what you needed thanks to your incredible action plans and always came out unscathed. If you didn't do that during missions, how far behind would they be now in their knowledge against the enemy? They would probably be sitting ducks. Bucky didn't see that.

You two didn't talk for much of the afternoon and evening. You had spent it in the living room, trying to avoid the mess he had made to get something to eat and rest. You had perhaps slept for about three hours when you woke up and saw him sitting in one of the dining room chairs. The room looked cleaner than before.

Bucky sighed when he realized you had woken up.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you.”

You frowned. “What?”

“Earlier when we arrived. And for all the mess,” he averted his gaze when you leaned on your forearm to get a better look at him.

“Don't you think it was the least you could do?” quizzical, you sat back on the couch.

“Weren't you the one who said I don't know how to talk like a civilized adult?”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Sometimes.”

“Well, now I want to. That's why I deeply apologize for reacting that way.”

You remained silent, not really knowing how to answer him. On the previous mission you'd had with Bucky, when the whole mess was over and you were quietly in the Quinjet taking it all in, Bucky had only said “you're fucking crazy” to you before exiting the aircraft. There was no scolding, at least not from him, no complaining, no yelling. Just that. And with that you stayed for a week because you never even saw him again.

Despite the number of times you had heard that, you couldn't see it that way. That was your job, that was what you did and you didn't dislike it. You had done it forever, it was basically your way of life and you had always done it excellently. You trained and practiced for situations like that, that's why you were part of SHIELD's risk management team for so long. You used to risk your life like that to save other people and it didn't bother you. Now you were still doing it, also to save people. There was no dark reason behind it. You were contributing to a common good and that was enough.

“I guess I haven't made things bearable for you either,” you admitted with a hint of remorse.

“No, never,” Bucky shook his head in agreement.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” the words slipped from your mouth. You wanted to say something else, but, well, that had to work.

Bucky let out a short laugh. His head jerked in sync, his shoulders loose as if he didn't have a care in the world. For a moment you felt like you were somewhere else; maybe in a living room, some alcoholic beverage in one of your hands as one of your favorite songs played softly in the background, and Bucky. Bucky sitting in front of you, just like that moment.

Wow. What the fuck was that?

“You apologize for my reaction, but not for what you did?” his sly grin was getting on your nerves. You preferred it when he wasn't trying to upset you at the point of smirks. You never thought that was a weapon he could use against you.

Feelings.

Ew.

No, I hate Bucky Barnes. This is unacceptable. Mind, get your shit together.

“Well, I tried to do that earlier and you didn't care. I don't know what you want from me, Barnes,” you turned your head away, nonchalantly playing with your hair to avoid seeing those light eyes again.

“You'd better leave it at that. I couldn't take that knack away from you if I tried for years,” the sigh that accompanied his words reminded you of something you'd thought of when you were in the building. His face still looked calm, but a little upset by the wrinkle between his eyebrows.

“Why do you care so much about that?” you asked him directly now that you had the chance.

You looked at him as he turned his head away, his eyes roaming over your face, confused.

“Are you asking me why I care about your life?”

Puzzled, you shrugged. His look almost made you think that was a weird thing to ask, but was it really? “Yes. Well…. You hate me.”

“What? I don't hate you,” Bucky shook his head, his face more contracted than before as if you'd said he had cat ears on his head. He looked almost offended.

And that was the really strange thing.

You mean, almost as long as you'd known Bucky your relationship had been based on fights and demeaning adjectives to each other. That he would say that made even less sense than you asking him why he cared so much about you. He had to be pulling your leg.

“What? But I hate you because you hate me,” you explained vaguely, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. That was one way of putting it; that is to say, Bucky never gave any indication that he didn't hate you. Or well…

“I don't hate you,” Bucky shrugged, his nonchalant expression confusing you that much more. “You're just a little… insufferable sometimes.”

You rolled your eyes. “That's just a synonym for hating.”

“I don't hate you,” he repeated, this time turning to look you in the eye. For a moment you felt like your breath caught in your throat and you were going to choke. “I know we argue and say a lot of things to each other, but… hating is too strong a feeling.”

“Are you really serious?” you shook your head to get the extraneous thoughts out; that wasn't the time to make a discovery, to realize you had lived a lie.

“Yes. And just to make you more sure, I wouldn't mind hanging out with you outside the Complex,” Bucky blurted out, matter-of-factly.

Your head went blank.

“WHAT?”

Several seconds stunned.

Bucky barely cracked a smile at your dumbfounded expression. It sure looked like you'd actually seen cat ears grow on his head. The things he was now saying… they didn't make sense. “You dislike the idea that much?”

“Do you want to not say things so drastically different every moment? You're changing my perception of reality.”

Bucky kept his small smile and you had to swallow hard to ignore the warmth that settled in your chest. It wasn't welcome, not at that moment. The sound of that music in the living room in your head was getting louder, as if your own mind wanted to mock your surprise.

“Well, back to your question,” Bucky moved his hands nonchalantly over his lap and your eyes followed his movement unashamedly, “I don't see why I shouldn't care about your life. We are partners, after all.”

Partners? After all you had been through? Were you partners? Did Bucky believe that?

“Are we?” you didn't try to hide the incredulous tone that accompanied your words, because it already sounded like you'd just stepped through the door into a parallel dimension.

“Sure,” Bucky nodded to emphasize your words and the calm expression on his face became more familiar with each passing second. Could it be that that had always been the reality and you had been deprived of it? “We've known each other for five years.”

“I always thought you hated me…” you mumbled to yourself, looking lost because your head recalling every fight of the last few years, since you met him, every tongue out and every exalted word, but his incredible hearing clearly picked up what you said as if you had murmured it in his ear.

“Surely it was a mistake in communication.”

“Mistake?” you frowned at his reassurance. “You always called me stubborn and childish every chance you got.”

“I thought we were annoying each other. Although, of course,” his face became a little more serious, “there were times when I knew you hated me intensely. You said really hurtful things, what was I supossed to do? That's why I never bothered to talk to you like this. You did hate me.”

“Because I thought you…! Argh.”

Bucky smiled again.

“You're the insufferable one, Barnes.”

You hated the way your head snapped back to that image in the living room, so peaceful and calm, so serene and warm, the moment his barely noticeable smile hit you again. You had barely managed to get those words out of your mouth before you felt yourself running out of breath again.

Were you asthmatic?

And why was your head suddenly filled with platonic thoughts you'd never had before in your life?

What the fuck was happening to you?

“This is the longest civilized conversation we've ever had,” Bucky spoke again, his gaze wandering somewhere in the room.

Yes, that was true. Whenever you talked for this long it was always to argue and say hurtful things to each other. But you were too surprised by everything he had said, because just yesterday he told you that he didn't want to come on this mission with you either and in his eyes you were sure you saw something like what you felt. Something of hatred, when you saw your eyes through his.

Did you just… imagine it all?

Did you think he hated you because you hated him too?

Or maybe you wanted to convince yourself that he hated you. Maybe it was easier to deal with that than with the idea that you…

Oh no.

No, no, no. There's no fucking way that's it.

But then Bucky stood up and with his smug, know-it-all, hateful look, with that sly, evil grin, like he'd always known everything, like he was squirming around enjoying your confused stare, he held out his hand to you and said:

“Shall we fix something to eat?”

Oh, no, you were screwed.

--

a/n: thank u so much for reading!! <3

[esoteriamaya]

All About The Trines. Pt. 2 The Moon's Delight

So heres pt.2 , all about the moon and the placements it forms a trine with. Enjoy !

Moon trine Saturn

Expressive authority traits. Can be open and transparent if they like you. But not so good with closed off people. The thing is, a moon/saturn placement can usually be the closed off person, but the trine makes them open up easily. This is because they're able to open up with themselves more often than others. The trine makes this individual easy going on the eyes, but they can be a bit more distant close by. It's a protective thing. There really good at letting you know how they're feeling without saying too much. Their witty if you pay close attention.

Another thing about this moon placement is that, there really good with people and taking on leadership roles. There especially good with children, and helping the emotional maturity thrive. They are excellent teachers and watchers of the environment. And there good at telling you about yourself especially if you're up to know good. The mother archetype is associated with moon/saturn peeps.

Moon trine Mars

Raw personas. They have a sexual nature to them that doesn't go unnoticed. Its like eros (asteroid) trine mars so to speak. They don't mean it all the time, it's just the way their vibe is. There vibe is very powerful as far as how they move. They can start an uproar just by their presence alone. It is there emotional upbringing that makes them form a confident aura. Most people with this placement had to prove their worth a lot, so as time went on they became confident in who they are and could boast about it a little. Not to much tho. Very organic when it comes to who they are and what they want. If they desire it, they'll find a way to get it.

Could be closed off to people they first meet, they'll open up if they can sense you're one of them. If not, they'll keep you close by but at a far enough distance so you don't know who they really are. Very interesting placement.

Moon trine Jupiter

Strong appetite with getting along with the unfamiliar. Loves knowledge and can potential seek out new information when the time is right. They have alot of information stored in them and they love to share it willingly and unwillingly. This trine is a natural force when it comes to the expression of their emotions. They use it to belt out what needs to be and this potential energy can push itself forward onto others giving people the healing that they need to get through the day. A very special aura connected to this placement holder.

Moon trine Mercury

Smooth talkers. An ability to belt out information and absorb others think pieces and milking it in a way that can become their own true thoughts. They're silly, sweet, and full of loving energy. Very child like when it comes to their inner nature, and very fun to have around too.Special personas with a knack for comedic thinking. There very food at easing the mind with their words, and can make you think of something you didn't have in mind at all. Could be very good at writing stories especially children's novels.

What they should do with this power is to make a difference with their words and be more comfortable with their speech. They should be more open with the people they meet because their sweet words can be a blessing. <3

Moon trine Venus

Wow. This placement is amazing to have and I call it a lucky placement. It has its ways with others that typically a sun/venus person couldn't do simply because the moon has a mystery in its aura that added with venus makes it move without missing a beat. The moon trine venus person has a gift in charisma that is connected to a part of their soul that can't be mimicked. Why do people like them so much? It's simply within them. Theres nothing they have to do to get people to like them, they just have to will their magic and boom, people are drown to them. Theres a magnetism with this placement that's unmatched with other venusians.

Moon trine Pluto

So this placement has a lot of potential at changing the way people feel. For better or worse, their gifted in the crafting of alchemy that their minds can shift into whatever it is they partake in. There emotional state is transfixed in whatever environment they are in, and how they move through those worlds they take something, or someone right along with them. Transformative auras, as they move through life, something changes them. And with each experiences, they can thrive to be better than the next. Opening doors for the next big thing, so they can heal themselves.. and others as well.

Moon trine Neptune

Beautiful spirits, they have a natural gift at letting go. The empathic qualities shows up here like no other. They are gifted in the arts so authentically that people think they just got it over night. Sweet babies that are filled with joy, the right people makes their souls spark. Giving them a chance to be more, to be higher than ever before. They are sensitive to noise, their ears are capable of receiving codes and information from the stars, guidance from the spiritual realm etc. It's a gift and a 'curse' if you will. But they got it going with the spiritual gifts, they know just what to do with them even if they don't.

Moon trine Uranus

Captivating in a way that shocks people and makes them feel deeper. They intrigue people with the way their emotions brings others to their knees. Most don't see a moon/uranus person coming and until they do, its like watching an alien. While everyone is stuck in the 2000s, their in 3008. They picked up on the cosmos long before they got here. They're just ready to make it back on home. Anywho, the person who has this trine placement is usually unique, has a gift in electrifying the world around them, and just knows things out of 'thin air' per-say. Just knowing one, you can feel the vibration they carry is totally newer than the average human. I'm joking. Their truly unique and something about you just stands out in a way that people can't figure out, but its truly internal and comes from the inner world.

Moon trine Rahu (North node)

Power meets dungeon. Dungeon meets power. The dragon wants its way out, but will you let it? With rahu, the emotions have a tempting fire, ready to burst through the cages and run as free is it can. You have a knack in vibrating high on a cloud and bringing us to the sanctuary we see for our own divinity. Mystical in nature, you're talents are embedded in the soul and must be tamed to prime perfection.

Moon trine Ketu (South node)

Gifted ability in the community and working with others. Has a knack for playfulness and a childlike aura already adapted in them. They naturally are equipped at making people wonder. Moon trine the south node shows a need for spirituality and can probably be a detached person already. They don't need much to feel good, they're already here.

(If you're looking for sun trine moon, thats on part 1, decided not to add this one on here).

Enjoy!

[echobx]

broken heart (3) - a JJ Maybank blurb

summary: JJ goes to apologize to y/n

warnings: swearing, JJ being a little shit (just a tiny bit), lowkey fighting, angsty vibes (?)

word count: 1.5k

author's note: fact is,,,, idk what I'm doing because I have never written like this but I hope you guys like it (also is somehow longer than I intended)

masterlist part 2

A simple knock against your window before it was pushed open and JJ climbed inside like he had done so many times before. 

You were in the shower, and he could hear you sing along to your music like you always did, but this time it felt different. It wasn't as much background noise to him as it had been most times. 

He kept listening as he settled on your bed; shoes off because he knew how much it annoyed you when he made your bed dirty. 

All the while you had no clue about anything that was happening in the room next door and kept humming while wrapping yourself in a towel and walking back to your room. The small house had thin walls, but just this one time you were blessed with your parents being out on their monthly date night. You could be as loud or as quiet as you wanted without anyone saying anything about it. 

You walked in, not turning on the light and therefore not taking notice of the boy in your bed, who was eyeing you carefully.

But JJ took notice of every little move you made. How you seemed to dance towards your closet. How you dropped your towel before pulling the long shirt over your body. Especially, how you hadn't put anything else but the old shirt on. It wasn't like he didn't know you were hot, but he had also never told you that he did think it, too scared of crossing a line. But he couldn't stop the heat that was rising in him as he thought of all the things he could do if he was of the lesser decent sort. 

You walked over to your bed, phone in your hand and not paying any attention to your surroundings while sitting down. 

“I'm not gonna text you first, dumbass. It's your fault, not mine,” you muttered to yourself before slamming the phone in the pillow next to you and letting yourself fall back. 

You screamed as you jumped back up after having fallen backwards into someone who shouldn't even be there. Turning around and switching on your nightlight you looked down at the boy in your bed and huffed. “Jesus! JJ, what- Why are you here?” 

“Am I not allowed to?” he asked, maybe a bit too cocky considering the fact that he had snuck in and was still lying in your bed. 

“No. Your privileges got revoked for an indefinite amount of time,” you snarled, and he sat up, pulling his legs up and placing his arms on his knees while looking straight at you. 

“You gonna kick me out?” he was still smirking, and it was making your blood boil a bit.

“How long have you been in here?” 

“Not long, cute ass tho,” he chuckled, and you couldn't help the fact that you turned crimson. 

“Leave,” you said trying to regain composure, but he knew you too well, knew you wouldn't actually kick him out. 

But he did eventually get up, walking over to you and brushing a strand of hair from your face; something he had never done before, at least not like he did now. He was careful and gentle and nothing like the teasing ass who usually just destroyed your hair in passing. 

“I came to apologize,” JJ whispered.

“Good, tell me what you are apologizing for?” you taunted him, because you were aware that he had never picked up on it. On how much more you liked him than he liked you. 

“For being an asshole,” he replied. 

“Lukewarm. Take another guess,” you glared at him, at the blue eyes that seemed so much prettier than any others you had ever looked at. 

“For nearly getting myself hurt.”

“Warmer, but still not it.”

“Then tell me,” he asked, and you stepped back, shaking his hand off, that had remained close to your face just to twirl some of your hair. 

You huffed before looking back at him. “Why should I? That's always been it. You don't see me, not even when it's important. You always look past me, and I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not waiting around anymore. I'm not gonna do it. And it's so dumb, so incredibly stupid of me to think you'd ever look at me like that.” 

“Like what?” JJ was a little confused again, because he hadn't expected this. He had played the scenarios in his head. And each time you had forgiven him, and you moved on together, best friends again, like it had always been. 

“I'm- You hurt my feelings, JJ. I'm your best friend, I think that should mean more to you than it does. And I don't need to have to want more from you than that just to care about you. And I care so much. Too much, maybe.” You shook your head, clawing at your scalp as you tried to not lose yourself in the new wave of heartache that was rolling in on you. 

“I'll try to not get hurt again. Is that it? Is that what you want?” JJ asked and stepped closer again. 

“Yes,” you said firmly. 

“Then why did you shake your head just now?” His eyebrow was lifted as he nodded towards you, but you hadn't even caught yourself doing it. It was a subconscious decision, a bad one at that.

“I don't know,” you whispered, and he stepped even closer. 

“I think you do.” His warm breath was fanning over your lips, and you had to gulp. 

“I’m not your girlfriend or whatever,” you hushed, and a small smile slipped over his face. 

“No, you're not.” 

“And I'm not a side piece either. I'm not to be thrown away. I'm to be handled with care,” you kept your voice low, heart racing and feeling the heat rise in you, filling your head and heart and more delicate parts that you didn't even want to think of.

“You're worse than a girlfriend,” JJ laughed silently. “Girlfriends usually don't know this much bullshit about their boyfriends.”

“Keeping a few secrets is supposed to be healthy in a functional relationship,” you said and absentmindedly wet your lips while doing so. 

“I bet you got some for the both of us,” JJ replied, leaning in closer, but you stopped him before he could do something that would ruin your friendship. 

“JJ, no,” you held him at an arm's length. 

“What do you mean no?” he furrowed his brows. 

“I'm not going to destroy years of friendship for a quick fuck.” Your words felt like a slap to his face. 

“What then? Tell me what you want, woman!” he begged, tugging at his hair, and it was truly the first time you had seen him actually desperate. 

“I want to not get my heart broken just because you're pissed. I want to feel admired and not have only ever one date and be ghosted for no reason. I want to be loved, JJ. I want all of that and I don't think that should be too much to ask for.” The words flowed out of you before you could even register them, but it didn't matter because it was the truth and that's all he ever asked of you. 

“But you already have all that,” JJ replied almost inaudibly, feeling his throat close up on all the feelings coming up, ones he had suppressed for years.

“Where?” you huffed, and his face contorted with a type of pain you had never seen on him before. It was like he was fighting himself over it. 

“Me, all right. I-” he turned and looked away. “I do, I mean- Fuck, okay. I love you, y/n.”

“I know, we are best friends. You love me and JB and Pope and Kie and Sarah and Cleo. It's what we do. It's nothing special.” 

JJ turned to look at you again. There was no doubt that you truly believed the words you had just uttered. That the only way you thought he could ever love you, was as a friend. What he hadn't expected was that it would hurt as much as it did to hear it. His heart was squeezing in his chest like it hadn't in a very long time, and when he clawed at it, you came to help, like you always did. Wrapping your arms around him for comfort was like second nature to you both. 

And as you stood there, his head buried in your neck, hearts beating against each other. He finally found his courage again. Because it didn't matter how hurt you were, you'd always come back to him, and he'd always return to you, no matter what. 

JJ pulled away just enough to hold your face in his callused hands, the cold rings softly indenting your cheeks. “I love you,” he whispered and connected his lips to yours without asking for permission, because he was too scared that you would start turning his words around again. 

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

part 4

taglist: @ijustwantttoread @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @kys4-20

PS: yes I intend on writing a fourth part, but only cause I ended on a cliffhanger to make myself feel like I actually need to write it and not leave you guys hanging

[firefly--bright]

jean kirstein modern headcanons!!!

warnings : none! gender neutral pronouns used, if any.

a/n: HI HELLO I'm so so SO sorry for the late fics. my finals ended like a month ago and oh my god I've just been Going Places™ like my schedule is jam packed with meeting up with people i haven't seen in three months because of the exams :/ I'm working on the requests!!! i promise, i read them and i am working on them. but!!! here are some headacanons to.... make up for the lack of content :3

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody , @holding-ishu-and-a-book

✿ masterlist is in linked in pinned post! ✿ enter my taglist ✿

• he doesnt have a big sweet tooth but he LOVES chocolate like can't live without it. if you're also a chocolate person, he'll buy your fav ones for you and lowkey judges you for it ("why would you like this one???? the one i like is wayyy better you should get those")

• he's most definitely a friend's to lovers type guy. he never really thought he would be, though. he's a hopeless romantic and falls in love with anyone and everyone BUT he's also, as mentioned before, more hopeless than romantic. he'll yearn for the person from a distance, so he doesn't really think that he would go and fall in love with his best friend, of all people. you fall first he falls harder type beat yk?

• he's kind of gives off this confident, cocky and kind of intimidating vibe about him. when you first met him you just knew he thought a little too highly of himself. but after getting to know him, he's super vulnerable and soft and actually tries to be close to you. his intimidating Mr. i-fold-my-arms-over-my-chest-to-show-off-my-biceps persona is just a front, like he thinks being that coccky guy will make people think he's like mysterious or something and want to be his friend/partner

• i have a bi jean agenda actually

• thinks VERY highly of you. asks for your advice on everything even if you might not be good at giving it, hed want to know what you, specifically, think

• he's an architecture major :D i know alot of people have diff headcanons of him doing pol-sci/law (which are all valid tbh i agree with those hcs) but!!! i think he chose architecture because he has the right amount of passion for it. it's the closest thing to art he can have. he loves art but he's also aware that it doesn't...pay well, neither does he want to loose his passion for art. hes heard one too many stories of people choosing art and regretting it because their passion for art is no longer just a passion. Jean's scared he'd lose his love for it.

• isn't really used to physical touch, and if you're a touchy feely person, he's a little surprised when you hold him for the first time. he quickly grows into loving your touch tho and initiates cuddles :)

• hes kinda super smart. like he scores really well in class and always has. not only that, but he's gifted athletically as well

• he's more of a listener than a talker, i think. hed initiate conversation, ask you about you day and let you take away the conversation. doesn't really mind if it's "all about you", but if you ask him about anything, he'd gladly talk.

• hes actually SO shy when it comes to actually doing relationshippy things. the first time you held hands as a couple and not just friends, he had a nervous breakdown. he couldn't even look you in the eyes when he asked you out on a date, even if it was just a casual movie night at home

• he's very organized, surprisingly. he's not a clean freak but he just likes knowing where things are. rarely rearranges anything because it not only frustrates the hell out of him, he'd also have to get used to the new arrangements.

• he has a fixed skincare routine!!! he had acne as a teenager so he started taking skincare more seriously. knows a lot about different products, and if you don't have a fixed skincare routine, he'd tell you to have one. if you have super sensetive skin (like me) and can't handle anytjing other than basic face wash, he'd remind you to wash your face every night.

• he also is protective of his hair!!! he used to have dyed hair, but it didn't go well. he TRIED to bleach his hair but failed and half of his hair came out :')) he never dyes his hair anymore but he does freshen up his mullet every now and then. doesn't let anyone but his mom and you touch his hair.

• asks you if you can help him with oiling his hair because he saw one of those tiktoks saying they work really well. if you're anything like me and are used to oiling your hair every week, you'd massage his hair and his eyes close and his entire body relaxes the moment your hands weave through his hair <3

• LOVES showing you off. either in little ways (by swinging your hands together while walking) or by literally making his entire Instagram page about you. all of his six posts (he rarely posts, but whenever he does it's all about you) have you in them. the cheesiest captions, too. if that wasn't enough, he'd have (y/n)'s with your fav colour heart emoji next to your name in his bio to let literally everyone know who he's with.

• he actually loves to cook!!!! as said before, he'd very organized, so i feel like he'd also be into meal prepping. he watched those aesthetically pleasing videos of people rearranging their fridges with ungodly amounts of plastic cabinets. his own fridge is sort of a mess becahse he doesn't know what goes where :') but he does meal prep, and sometimes even packs you lunches with lil notes

• speaking of notes, he's not really good at talking about his love for you. like he'd show it in so many ways but he can't say it out loud. not only does he get uncharacteristically shy, he's always had issues with saying the words "i love you" out loud, so he either writes about it or draws you <3 you'd find random notes and letters written to you, sometimes with just. a cheesy joke, sometimes he actually Tries and writes a whole letter for you pouring out all the things he can't say out loud.

• the start of your friendship, you two bicker alot. it's clear you care about each other, but he loves teasing you because he knows you'll shoot back.

• he wears really thin eyeliner on special occasions <3 he doesn't like bold looks, but he does like how subtly the eyeliner makes his eyes look different. if yiure good at makeup, he'd ask you to help him.

• has a plethora of diff hats tbh like he collects them like an addiction. he has a fedora and beanies and bucket hats and normal embroidered hats. he has so many it's concerning

• he's very good at driving. when the two of you started getting closer, he'd ask you on long late night drives, either for take-out or just to listen to music and talk. he enjoys your company while driving. if you usually have motion sickness in cars, you will never feel nauseous in his car. he drives very smoothly, not too fast and not too slow. he's kind of a perfectionist (not extremely) and literally screams at Connie to slow down when he goes even a little over the speed limit. he drives the whole time in every road trip.

• his fav dessert is cheesecake. his unpopular opinion is that they're the perfect ratio of sweet and savoury, crunchy and soft.

• hes one of those people to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. on the couch, at the table, no matter how loud it is or how bright it is. he's a light sleeper and also a snorer. if you're cuddling together, he'd either lay on top of you or wraps not one but both of his arms around you. one under your neck to provide a nice neck cushion, and one draped over your stomach.

• he runs warm, which is both a blessing and a cruse. in summers, even if he'd want to cuddle with you, you feel the need to get as far away as him because he's just so warm. you'd wake up in your own sweat if you do decide to take the risk and let him cuddle you. in winters though, his warmth is very welcome.

• loves it when you hug his arm while walking. if you're tired and kind of lean into him, expect him to eat that shit UP because he loves your warmth as much as you love his. loves it when you lean into him or hug his bicep. even flexes his muscles for effect (you definitely tease him for that)

• is not a fan of thunderstorms, he kind of has bad memories. either from being left out while the ither kids play in the rain, either from the rumbling and the scary sound that comes with thunders that resembles the sound of his angry father or its just how inconvenient it is.

• his dad wasn't really in his life that much, always away on business. every time he would come home, he'd srot of criticize jean's hobbies :( his mom eventually seperated from Jean's father and started her own bakery, hence Jean's love for chocolates.

• he panics very hard when you feel sick. he jumps right into his mama bird genes and makes you a soup from either his mother's recipie or he'd call your mother and ask her for her own sick day recipies. he'd feed it to you and refuse to leave you alone until you've had your meds.

• he loves kissing your forearm for some reason. you loop your hands around his neck after kissing him, so it's the closest to his mouth. he turns his head slightly, closing his eyes as he pecks your forearm :3 it's kinda a weird spot to like kissing, but it's really endearing when it comes from him.

• he has a couple small tattoos here and there. two of the five he has have actual meaning whereas the other three are just for fun

• he wants whatever you want. if you want children in the future, he'd be there with you. if you want nothing but a large house and a couple pets, he'd love to make your dream come true. he's passionate and extremely good at what he does, and he takes pride in it.

✿

[pomefioredove]

🙂‍↕️not really coherent reply sorry

vil is one of the only characters in game that treats yuu with respect, and as an equal.

EXACTLYLY. honestly it never ever sits right with me whenever yuu BREAKS THEIR BACK trying to help others (especially because barely anyone is doing barely anything to help them. LET THIS BITCH GO HOME!!!!) for them to just? barely acknowledge it? casually brush it off? the scene in book 3 where the tweels r like wanna help out? you can switch with these guys and ace is like YES double all of my current suffering and pass it onto them /ref all of the students complaining about losing their signature spells when yuu has NO magic at all to protect themselves with.. let’s be serious please. maybe im being a little dramatic! but thats literally my favorite character you are talking about get their name out of your mouth.

vil is literally the only other character who plays a similar role in the story.

... cause chars like trey and lilia are almost there, but distinctly different in their roles, while vil is THE mother.

THIS!! !! !!! !!!!! lillia is more of the father trope and trey is more of a big brother i’d say. they aren’t nurturing in the same way vil is. maybe it’s the ‘nagging’ slash instructing aspect of how vil interacts with people. i don’t even know how to put it into words but ur right vil is so mom. like. i dont know.. it’s probably his relationship with epel (and even the other first years?) that makes me associate him with being motherly but he’s just so. nurturing. so many moms in the media that i’ve (recently) consumed were teaching their daughters to be quiet and respectful as to not get punished/essentially outcasted socially. of course that’s not really what vil is doing with epel but. ugh. read my mind!!! ull understand then trust. the ONLY other character that sorta makes me feel the same way is jamil. illove him so dearly but i know. little to nothing major about his character aside from his relationship with kalim. yuu and grim. vil and epel. jamil and kalim. they should start a we dont get paid (enough) for this bullshit club

honestly i dont even want to project myself onto yuu i wanna be a helpful roomate or somthinf. wtf 😭 my hungry aggressive ass could NOT be yuu /ref..

rhats all i can put into words rigth now . evene though i got sidetracked a lot.. !! bht th part abojt yuu being motherly ! ialso wanted to reply to. wowww thats a lot of typos sorry my eyesight is a tad blurry 😭

AHHGGGGG ANON

"double all of my current suffering and pass it onto them" LMAOOOO 😭😭😭

I am such a yuu defender idc. LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!! it's why rollo is still such a fave of mine, he's like one of the only sane people. looks at yuu and is like jesus christ are you fucking okay.

and yes literally vil is just. I think the big difference is that he actually kinda likes being in charge? more so than yuu. he's a natural leader while they were literally manipulated and blackmailed into their position (I WILL SAY THAT I do think vil feels pressured to be a leader because of how he was outcasted/made out to seem mean and scary by his peers so he just kinda Filled That Role... but also I definitely do not see him as someone who'd enjoy following rather than leading. his own character VERY MUCH parallels yuu's in so many ways)

jamil is definitely different tho. he was also forced into his position as a caretaker but he doesn't have a parental vibe to him. tbh I couldn't tell u what it is but he's got his own thing going on (and he DOES parallel yuu in a way, I wish he was closer to them because there's potential but he's really Not)

BUT YEAH I get you. I feel like this is a weird thing to say but yuu feels like their own character to me 😭 like I have my own yuusona but yuu themselves is a little guy to me

[rinniemybeloved]

Can you do Bokuto/Iwaizumi as a father like Kenma?

[✦] - 𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎 𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐃

notes : sorry for being inactive for almost like 2 months :)

warnings : pregnancy idk if that's a warning tho

pairings : dad!bokuto x mom!reader,

dude has baby fever all the time I swear

"y/n it would be so cute!!" "y/n it wouldn't be that hard!!"

he's nagging you 24/7

so you just had to give in 🤷‍♀️

during the pregnancy he would be so worried

you could literally like cough or something and he'd call a doctor to make sure everything's okay

VERY overprotective

once, a small child came up to you and asked you if there's a baby in your belly and he was glaring at the kid the whole time 😭

but he honestly really likes when little kids come up to you two, he just wants to make sure they don't hurt the baby or smth

he talks to your belly so much

he's so convinced that the baby is understanding and responding too

it's honestly adorable to see him calm for once in his life

bokuto's determined that it's a boy, like literally DETERMINED

I mean, having a girl wouldn't hurt, but like it's just like his sixth sense telling him he's gonna have a boy

he gets so impatient to find out the gender too!!

he's gonna pay any amount of money to find out as fast as possible

… and boom boom his assumption sadly turns out to be true

this is loosely related to this piece I wrote a few months ago, girls or boys?

when the baby's born, he almost drops his son, but thank God he's okay

he probably wanted to name him something like buster 💀

"this is our son, not a dog, kotaro!"

"but people love and play with dogs, and we'll love and play with him, so there isn't a difference!"

yes, that was indeed a real conversation between you two.

but you ended up naming him Ichiro, leaving kotaro whining about why he couldn't name him buster.

but the absolute first thing he's gonna do is take a countless amount of pictures and send them to the whole msby group chat as well as the Japan national team group chat

can't blame him, he's always given off Instagram dad vibes

and when I say Instagram dad, I mean, like, Instagram dad.

he will post the smallest things lil Ichiro does, and bokuto's a pro athlete, so it's gonna get some attention 🤷‍♀️

his son is gonna do something as simple as point at the tv and giggle when his favorite character comes on the screen, and he's gonna post that.

his friends are supportive of it too, especially my baby Shoyo <3 <3 (I'm trying so hard not to make this about him but my Shoyo phase is coming back rn)

shoyo_msby21 it's like I saw him as a baby just yesterday !!

6h 319 likes Reply

— View 24 replies

matching outfits.

kotaro has never been the best with fashion, but with the help of you and his teammates, he has gotten better at dressing his son up

like imagine there's just a whole section in the closet just for matching father-son outfits.

He's gonna spend thousands on clothes for the family. sometimes all of you go out wearing the same colour outfit or something

matching jerseys too, little Ichiro always goes to his father's games wearing an identical, but smaller jersey <3

his son is gonna be a total daredevil, sometimes even kotaro surprisingly gets worried.

the kid is gonna have little star printed bandaids all over his little hands and legs, but I guess people learn from their mistakes, don't they?

he's gonna love being the center of attention, clinging to his dad whenever he's getting interviewed. He just wants the world to know that a star player like his dad has a star son like him!

overall, Bokuto gets an A for being an adept father.

Requests are open!

[otakween]

Digimon Frontier - Episode 3

For this episode I decided to check out the English dub for Frontier. I really enjoyed it! My problem is that the Digimon dubs are more fun and nostalgic to watch, but I'm always really conscious of missing out on lore and emotional beats. Maybe I'll finish the sub and then watch the dub someday when I wanna revisit this.

Notes:

The American OP is hype as heck! I like the tribal vibe with the drums. I think I like the Japanese digivolution music a little better though.

I liked most of the English VAs but Takuya sounds like a 30 year old lol. For some reason, Izumi's Italian outbursts were a lot funnier in English, "Mamma mia!"

I coulda sworn Takuya said he was in the 4th grade in the last episode but now he's in the 5th? In the dub he's in the 6th, so let's just say he's somewhere in the upper elementary range.

I really loved Tomoki's digivolution sequence. I like how his hand movements are a little more childish/cheerful than Takuya or Koji's Also, in the dub I love how he said "EXECUTE" lol. I know they meant like "executing a program" but I was just thinking of the murder version of "execute" hehe.

So I guess Bokomon and Neemon have a boke/tsukkomi dynamic going on. I think they overdid Bokomon's bullying a bit tho

Lol @ the DigiCode fixing one (1) single bridge in this episode whereas in the first episode they fixed like an entire village. I guess some digimon get you better results than others? (Also they said that the bridge "protected them from bad digimon," how does that work?)

So they've established a bunch of times now that there are supposed to be 10 warriors. Betting the cast will expand with some minor characters later.

I just noticed this, but Takuya has a little symbol on his shirt and hat but I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a reference to something or it's just a cool graphic.

Speaking of graphics, I finally noticed that the symbols for the spirits are literally just kanji. Like Agnimon's is the kanji for fire, Wolfmon is light, Chackmon is ice...

Uhhh...why is the dub name for Chackmon (Kumamon) way more Japanese sounding? I guess they couldn't have used Kumamon in the sub cuz...

Chackmon is a weird name and even after reading the etymology on the wiki I don't really get it.

These kids are kinda savage. First Bokomon is pleading with them to save his world and they just look annoyed and then when Agnimon is battling all the Candlemon they're just like "wow, he's really trying to fight a fire type? What a dumbass" (paraphrasing) and they walk off (to be fair, Takuya told them to hide, but still!) It was really funny when Bokomon was telling the Candlemon that the kids were there to save the Digital World and Takuya was like "not really" lol.

I'm glad that they were at least given the chance to go home because otherwise it feels a little bit like they're being blackmailed into being heroes (save our world or you'll never see your home again)

I'm sure someone has meme'd on Agnimon being covered in white drippy wax before...I'll refrain.

I feel like we already have too much lore here. First it was Cherubimon was messing up the world and now it's actually Lucemon that was the OG world messer-upper? Now I dunno who the big bad is!

If there are 10 warriors...I wonder what the elements are gonna be. Well I guess Pokemon has managed to come up with a zillion "elements." Is someone gonna end up with "heart?" hahaha

Didn't expect Wizardmon to show up as a baddie-of-the-week. Feels weird.

I kinda like that Koji is taking his sweet time to join the party. We don't need his drama in the friend group.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Lets talk about soulmate aus:

Okay first, because I've been talking about this a lot with @dinas-bracelet shared dreamscape soulmates.

-Dreams are shared between soulmates, but they are just as trippy and confusing as anyone's dreams are. Sometimes one person gets sucked into another's dream and sees a piece of their world, sometimes its just a shared weird dream vibe. It's very difficult to communicate through them with your soulmate until a tsaheylu has been made before.

-I'm not gonna mention jeytiri too much to leave that shit for Chloe but like, the idea of Neytiri falling asleep just to see kid Jake hiding under the bed and just hiding with him or Jake going to sleep and running around in the forest with Neytiri while she's like "Come on, Sylwanin!" The POSIBILITIES.

-Kinda vibing with locorro for this one. I'd imagine Lo'ak and Spider have bonded before, and growing up together has strengthened their ability to communicate in their dreams. They are well practiced.

-I just like the idea of them meeting every night to compare how hard their days were.

Spider: HELLO SOULMATE, TODAY I WAS TORTURED. DON'T WORRY THO I ONLY HAVE A LITTLE BRAIN DAMAGE AND I BROKE ONLY TWO FINGERS TRYING TO SMASH MY WAY OUT OF MY CELL.

Lo'ak, trying to make him feel better but he's doing a really shit job: I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A SHARK THING BUT THEN I DIDN'T, TOP THAT.

Spider: STOPPED THEM FROM BURING DOWN A VILLAGE.

Lo'ak: FUCK.

OKAY NEXT soulmarks:

-we talked about the name one, with a soulmark being the soulmates name written on your skin. What makes this one tricky though is that the Na'vi do not have a written language. I like this, because it means the Na'vi would likely have a different type of mark. I think it would be an image of their spirit animal that they would see during their uniltaron on the other persons body. That gives us a TON of possibilities.

-We can have jeytiri where Jake's mark is toruk on Neytiri because he will become Na'vi. This allows them to not know each other and for Jake to be real fucking confused by his soulmark all his life lol.

-BUT FOR LOCORRO, lol. We talked about Lo'ak's mark being just Spider's name. BUT BEAR WITH ME. What makes him different than Jake? If we decide Jake is born destined to be Na'vi why not Spider hmm?

First words your soulmate says to you written on your body:

-this one is just funny for jeytiri skskskks

-BUT ALSO: for spiri

-I imagine them meeting in the lab, and Spider's words are on his arm and it just says "Hi!" in English. I imagine no one is greeting him very much lol. Not in a mean way, they just know he's there and he's never been outside to meet any strangers.

-Kiri's say "Me?" because this clown couldn't fathom he was being addressed.

One of those they feel each others pain aus:

-I feel like this one HAS to be nocorro just for the ultimate pain.

-Kid Spider gets cut on a broken beaker that he knocked off a table and tried to clean up at Hells Gate, and kid Neteyam all of a sudden starts crying and won't stop telling Jake his hand hurts. Jake takes Neteyam over to Norm to ask if he has any suggestions for soulmate injuries for kids (Jake himself never had any when he was young because Neytiri wasn't born yet, same for Neytiri because Jake was in cryosleep for a long ass time). Instead they find Norm stitching up the same hand on Spider.

-Jake is really excited, because it's so rare for someone to find their soulmate so young. He's confused when Neytiri isn't excited, she jsut starts crying. When he asks her why she's like "that human boy is going get hurt a lot, and eventually, he will die. Young. And our son will feel all of it."

-Rip Spider getting kidnapped and Neteyam falling the fuck off his ikran when Spider starts getting tortured

Jake: get up kid we gotta go or we're gonna die

Neteyam: I'M SORRY I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING TORTURED??

-WE CAN GO EITHER WAY, WE CAN HAVE NETEYAM DIE AND SPIDER LYING NEXT TO HIM FEELING IT OR WE CAN HAVE HIM LIVE AND GET SHOT BUT THEY BOTH ARE LIKE, ON THE BRINK FEELING IT.

A very popular one is the one where you can't see colors until you see your soulmate.

-I don't vibe with this one as hard, because it makes me sad that people wouldn't see the beauty of Pandora from the get go! But I find the idea of Jake seeing the bioluminescence but also color for the first time a cool cool vibe.

One of those tattoos that changes color depending on what your soulmate is feeling things.

-Just kinda funny that Spider's soulmate would be like why is this motherfucker sad as shit all time time? Where is my sad ass soulmate??

These next few are not that serious but the ideas have funny implications:

You have a meter of how in-danger your soulmate is.

-JUST THE IDEA OF SPIDER'S SOULMATE STARING AT THE CONSTANT IN DANGER METER THE ENTIRE LIKE SEVERAL MONTHS HE'S WITH THE RECOMS GETS ME.

You feel intense pain in your soul when your soulmate is in life-threatening danger.

-Literally same thing here, it's like, Neteyam probably walking around like "ow ow ow ow" trying to live his daily life in Awa'atlu.

Your soulmate’s current thoughts about you will show up on your skin for a short while.

-This one is hysterical, again, for jeytiri. Na'vi don't have written language tho so there would have to be a different thing for them, but IMAGINE the implications. Jake staring at his arm while the meanest things Neytiri can even think of are just floating around. Neytiri, pissed, as downright vulgar shit appears on her stomach from Jake.

[smokescreenimusprime]

Hi hi! I’ve been reading your smokescreen stuff and I had a thought. Specifically, a thought for a sort of, alternate version of the early crash AU. Smokescreen crashes early, but he crashes in the middle of nowhere and is damaged. He goes into stasis for a while, and when he wakes up the only system he can use is his holoprpjector. (He’s also stuck, buried deep underground in the middle of the Nevada desert, so that’s no fun either)

But he has his holoprpjector, and spends the next several decades just…vibing around Jasper. Then, he meets Jack. And they’re roughly the same age, so they hit it off. (Tho Smokes always has to explain why he doesn’t eat, or drink, or seemingly use the bathroom, and all kinds of other fun excuses to keep Jack off his trail). But then the Kids get involved with Team Prime, and suddenly Smokescreen is being confronted with Cybertronians for the first time in decades (possibly even for the first time in centuries).

And now he just has to figure out how to tell the bots what his deal is. (He doesn’t like being buried and may or may not have developed an intense claustrophobia.)

OOOOOOOOOOOO I REALLY LIKE THAT 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

I hope you don't mind but my brain went kinda insane with this thought and low key came up with a mini fic plan for it so-

just. Smokescreen slowly fitting into the little human society built above him. Going to their schools, working their jobs, living their lives. Maybe the first few times he lives the lives, he isn't perfect. He'll slip up and forget certain details about himself, or he'll be a bit too fast or strong and in such a small town rumours spread quickly

In his first lifetime as a human, Smokescreen kept to himself. He acted the way he always did, but kept to himself and watched from afar to learn more about humanity. He enrolled himself at Jasper High, got a job, bought a small apartment to call his own and did his best to ignore the pointed rumours and whispers from behind his back. For as amazing as humans could be, at times they could be just as cruel as the bots back home

it's a lot of stumbling and learning and making mistakes and he doesn't have any friends, but it's a step up to being alone in the quiet dark of his stasis pod, so he'll take it. He lives through his human's life, working, creating, starting hobbies, and so much more. The freedom to do things just for the sake of doing, of being allowed to pursue any job he chose without legal limitations, of being able to draw and paint and sing without countless rules and segregations preventing him....... it's freeing in a way he didn't know he'd been restricted

his 2nd life went much smoother, with a lot of the Nuances Of Being Human having been figured out. He had some difficulties "faking" his death since driving off into the desert with all his belongings then returning in the same vehicle with the same belongings would raise more rumours than he'd like to deal with, so he ends up packing all his important things and trinkets into boxes, gets a moving company to take them away, "dies" (he just messes with the settings on his holoform and waits for his body to be buried/cremated before dissipating it), moves in a few weeks later with a new identity and has the same moving company bring his stuff back

his 3rd life was more of the same, and not a whole lot stood out. He socialised better with other humans, but most of the bonds had had were kept at a bit of a distance. The fact he couldn't go super far from Jasper severely limited his hang out options since it's not exactly the entertainment capital of the world, but he makes do

his 4th life was actually cut short, which he's endlessly salty about. He managed to make it to his late 20s/early 30s, and this time around he wanted to experiment a bit. Specifically, he wanted to try street racing. Human cars were really starting to get interesting, and he wanted in. It had been far too long since he last raced, and while he wasn't going to be the one on the road, being behind the wheel was the next best thing. And he's damn good driver too, one of the best in the circuits around Jasper, and he dominates the local races for years

........but yeah it doesn't go so well in the end. Smokescreen's avatar ends up getting into an accident, one that he'd definitely not be able to get away with survival and ends up having to cut things short. It was a mad scramble in the next few days to get his stuff somewhere safe, and he unfortunately wasn't able to get all of it. It took him almost three months to cool off enough to make another human. It's was..... definitely difficult recognising so many people with them not recognising him, but he managed

but then something interesting happens nearing the end of his 5th life

Smokescreen had gotten some new neighbours. That in itself wasn't anything new, he got new neighbours all the time. They were a young couple freshly married and nothing that really garnered extra attention. Smokescreen did end up running into the wife at the grocery store a few times, and that's how he ends up learning her name

June Darby

he sees her around a few more times and they make pleasant conversation. At times, Smokescreen thinks they might even be friends, but he's hesitant to put a label on it It's been so long since he's had a friend, he doesn't want to scare her off

and things are nice. They talk over coffee and walk through the park together, enjoying each other's company. June tells him about her life and Smokescreen tells her about his human one. They have fun, laugh, make jokes, and when June gets pregnant Smokescreen is ecstatic to meet the kid

but then...... then things took a turn for the worst

Smokescreen had never liked Mr.Darby. He had his suspicions, had his gut feelings, but never had anything other than that to go off of. He doesn't even know what about the man made him feel so uneasy, just that something about him, about how June would take every opportunity to get out of the house, about how she always looked so tired in a way medical school couldn't explain.......

everything comes crashing down one night. At 11pm he hears yelling outside his house and frantic banging on his door. He's on his feet in an instant, and he's horrified what he sees

June, crying and shaking with a bruise on her cheek and Mr.Darby trying to drag her away

in that moment, Smokescreen forgets he's supposed to be a frail old man and punches him so hard the man's jaw shatters

June spends the night with him. He gently guides her to the guest room and keeps watch all night. Sleep was simply a formality at this point, one he was more than willing to forgo for her safety

it was easy enough to get Mr.Darby to back off. Smokescreen had accumulated quite the fortune over the (technical) generations he's lived on Earth, especially since the food and water bills he paid amounted to almost nothing, and it was more than enough to pay for any legal fees to get the man arrested and evicted. June was of course still very shaken up from the whole ordeal, but Smokescreen doesn't hesitate to let her know she's welcome for as long as she'd like

and then June just kinda...... never ends up moving out. The trial kept her on edge and busy, then she had to get caught up on all the schooling she missed, then Jack was born, and while she always intended to move back it just...... never happened. And it wasn't like this was a bad thing, Smokescreen's home was more enough for the three of them, and neither minded being roommates. It was...... honestly comforting, having someone there

but Smokescreen knows he's running out of time. That he's only going to be able to realistically be around for so long before his age will start to draw attention, and as much as it kills him to abandon June and Jack he doesn't know what to do

so he stats planning for his next life, more than he has for every previous one combined, and for the first time, he decided to tie these two lives together

before, he always avoided any relations at all. It could become suspicious and lead to people poking their noses where they don't belong and asking questions he wasn't prepared to deal with. But….. he couldn't stand the thought of being forced to watch June and Jack from the sidelines. Of them not knowing him in his next life

it had been a few years since everything had gone down when Smokescreen finally puts his plan into action. The plan had been to tell June he needed to take care of some “Family Business” he’d thought was taken care of before his time ran out. That he wasn’t sure if he’d be back, he could feel that he was running out of time, but that no matter what he loved June and Jack

Jack was 7 years old when he said goodbye, and that memory would be burnt into his brain for the rest of his life. How Jack clung to his pant leg asking him not to go, how June's eyes got so big and shiny and how her hands would shake. It tore his spark to pieces to see them like that, and it just convinced him further

he left almost everything he had to the two of them. Aside from a small box of his most personal and important things, he left everything else to June in his “will,” including the house and all his money, which she at first tried to reject but Smokescreen was stubborn and insisted

And then he gets in his car with a tank full of gas and drives far off into the desert

it takes 3 weeks before he comes back, and it was the longest 3 weeks of his life. He wanted to rush back, wanted to be with June and Jack again and he was worrying himself sick over what could be happening to them, but he forced himself to wait

In his 6th life, Smokescreen is the most honest with himself he’d ever been since his 1st life. His holoform is what he thinks is comfortable and he makes himself as young as he can get away with (a newly 15 year old) because he wants as much time as possible with the two. His personality is who he truly is without any politeness or experimentation because above everything he wants to be as open and honest as he can with these two. He starts thinking of ways to describe his life, his Cybertronian life, in a way that would fit as a human because he wants them to know him, not a puppet he created

When he shows up in Jasper things…… go as he expected. Driving up in his “old” car definitely got some whispers and June’s suspicion was almost painful, but well within everything he planned. Smokescreen was ready to play the long game for this, anything it took to be a part of their lives again

he claims to be his previous life's great-nephew. That one of his grandparents and his old life used to be siblings, but had a falling out leading to his old life moving to Jasper and cutting all contact. A few weeks ago, Smokescreen had reached out to his "great-uncle" since things with his own parents weren't....... going super great and his grand-uncle was really the only family he felt would be sympathetic. However he over estimated just how much his grand uncle was willing to do for someone he didn't even really know, leading to him recommending Jasper as a place to stay and driving all the way to where he lived to give him his car

he also mentions that his grand uncle had talked about June a lot in the days before he died, and he could tell he really loved her (not in a romantic way). He'd already said his "last goodbyes" weeks ago, and while he did make sure they knew how much he cared...... he still feels like he hadn't said enough

after things slightly calm down after that, Smokescreen then gets ready to leave. After all, he's still technically a stranger to them and he's already accomplished his goal of making contact....... but then June insists he stay the night. After all, he's a 15 year old and she can't in good faith let him sleep in his car when she has a perfectly good bed available

reluctantly he accepts, but makes it clear he's going to make plans to move elsewhere. After all, this is June's home now and he doesn't want to intrude

.......but just like when he first took June in, his moving out never happens. He ends up being enrolled in school, babysits Jack when June's shifts run longer, help prepare food and before he knows it, they've become a family once again

a few years later when June asks if he'd like her to adopt him he nearly cries

from here, my thoughts are a bit more scattered. I have a couple misc ideas which I'm not fully sure how to go about but want to include somehow:

after he graduates this time, Smokescreen ends up working at the library for both a change of pace and some nostalgia, and he's really good at it

when Smokescreen left his 5th life, he gave Jack a little pendant he'd made some years back with Alpha Trion's symbol on it. Sort of a way to remember him by, and Jack rarely takes it off. It's eventually noticed by the Bots which sparks a bit of curiosity about Jack's older brother

Smokey is just as much in the dark about the Autobots as June is, however he'd had suspicions for it longer. Not specifically Cybertronian Interference, but defiantly that there was something going on

during the whole MECH Thing, Smokey ends up getting kidnapped in the house. However, things don't go as planned because Smokey isn't at all limited by normal human limitations. Initially they tried drugging him and knocking him out, but he only goes down when they hit him with a high powered taser which ends up REALLY fucking with his holoform which unfortunately gets their attention

the Autobot Base is thankfully just within Smokescreen's range, and he looses his SHIT. Unfortunately they can't free him just yet on account of the whole ass town on top of him, but the fact multiple someones know he's down there...... yeah he starts crying a bit

during the S2 finale, Smokescreen ends up being the one to stay behind in the base since..... well, he couldn't leave anyways. Might as well make sure everyone else can escape

[halucynator]

Hellllooo,

Omg I really needed more swiftie mutuals <3

Please rant about all things you like, i love rants, gosh we seem to have so many close interests, I am not a writer tho, but I do read, effectively making me a reader which doesn't sound as cool, now that I think about it.

My fav Taylor song at the moment is "Slut!". I cannot get that out of my head. I mean "got lovesick all over my bed", I die a little everytime I hear that.

Fav Olivia song at the moment is logical (kinda like you username aah). I still CANNOT get over "can't take a joke, can't get you off". Like please kill me already.

Fav Sabrina song at the moment is probably "because i liked a boy". (damn who hurt me?)

And fav conan song at the moment, "Lookalike"

Tell me yours?

Nyc.

xx

hiiii

omg thank you thank you thank youuuu <33

okay so i love a lot of things some of them are pretty questionable but I'm questionable literally ask anyone on the discord server so its fine. anywhoo, i love taylor, maisie, gracie, phoebe, alix page, lucy (dacus not myself I'm not THAT narcissistic), olivia hardy (from wasia project) julien, conan, liv, sab (and @loserdiaz but that's a known fact) and so many other people to the point that even i cant keep track. oh and i love laufey, mitski and lyn lapid just bc.

my current fav by wasia project is petals on the moon but ur so pretty especially live from the studio is so gooddd

anywayss, reading is really cool thats how i got into writing (which is the best thing ever ik /hj) i also really really like reading bc it makes me smart and it's super fun

which is your favourite book series?? mine is lockwood and co as if you couldn't already tell by the amount of times I've mentioned it i also really love agggtm series bc why wouldn't it its so good. I'm sure i love so many more book series but my memory sucks (it does not but I'm lazy so I'll use that as an excuse)

anywhooo, i love scream which is weird bc i watched the first one when i was 10 (i know, who let me do that???) and i... liked it? (I'm very questionable i know) but i also tend to rant about it as if its real life (like WHY DID THEY KILL OF *insert name of dead character* IM SO MAD) and not a movie so I'm a bit annoying sometimes but pls don't tell me that otherwise I'll start crying /j

hmm my favourite taylor song atm would be "is it over now?" or "now that we don't talk" bc at the moment i resonate so well with those songs (ikr my life sounds like a nightmare: it is but it isn't really? idk) at yes i totally agree with the "got lovesick all over my bed statement but" also "love thorns all over this rose" and omg "you're not saying you're in love with me, BUT !! YOURE !! GONNA !! DO !!" like who gave taylor the right to be such a mastermind (funny, right? no? okay.) like the entire song, heck the entire album is so GOOD. HER ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY IS SO GOOD. (this is totally normal fan behaviour btw)

favourite liv song atm is probably lacy but i love all of the songs all the album (and yes logical is soooo good i mean i have to love it otherwise my url is meaningless) but my favourite lyric from the entire album is probably "we both drew blood but man THOSE CUTS were NEVER EQUAL!!" from the grudge (also one of my top 3) bc that hits DEEP. (bc the cuts were deep, i know I'm so funny /j)

favourite sab song atm is prolly cindy lou who / opposite (been there) / a nonsense christmas. i cheated but i simply cant choose one shes too good. also super funny bc cindy lou who and opposite are like sad vibes and then a nonsense christmas i want you to [redacted] and [redacted] me on the couch while we [redacted] presents (sorry i just think I'm so funny when I'm not but dont tell me that i wanna be a stand up comedian no I'm just kidding I'm not a failure. IM JOKING) (also regarding bc i liked a boy, I agree. who hurt you???)

anyways, my favourite conan song atm is prolly the best known option "heather" BUT i also like "the cut that always bleeds" the entire of kid krow tbh

okay i wrote a lot asdxcasdcvafd sorry

alsooo, you didnt ask this but my favourite gracie abrams song atm is "where do we go now?" and "cedar" (you arent mine) bc its such a heartbreaking song especially when you can relate to it. ooh and i also love camden, painkillers, rockland and long sleeves but they're all pretty depressing so if you don't like sad songs they're prolly not for you.

and THANK YOU for this ask this was so fun send me more sometimes <333

[9800sblog]

Could you do a reading on ateez thoughts on the brazilian show that they just made or what they think about the contry please?

It may seem like a little dumb question but i genuinely got curious about it

Thank you in advance love😀

ateez tarot reading

the member's thoughts on brasil and it's concert

ALL ALLEGED

somebody else asked for each member, so I'll combine both readings here hehe

general (all members, kq and staff)

they definitely feel that they were robbed a little, of opportunities, jongho wasn't there, the venue was not as big as promised, they didn't have time, fans were rude, bla bla bla. it was very reassuring tho, their first stadium, on the other side of the country, they felt energized, strong at work. but they had 0 time to enjoy, brasil is such a beautiful country, a tourist's wonderland, and they couldn't, it's a shame. I heard mingi bought a keychain.

seonghwa:

seonghwa was impacted frrr, he felt that he was dreaming, he really did wish to come here since childhood but he couldn't enjoy much, which made him upset. the concert, to him, was a dream come true, he's giving me sparkly feelings, he was really in love with the vibe and stuff, dude loves performing and the whole routine around it. he thought the rain was beautiful for the concert, but he wished to have met brasil in its tropical weather (cmon he's a tourist, why would kq do that with him 😭) he thought the place was dangerous, the 4 of pentacles comes up, holding his bag very tightly; the concert was also, the stage was a bit slippery and the boys saw many fans leaving the venue sick. he thought it was a beautiful beautiful place, he's so easily impressed, he loved it there because it was interesting to see completely different cultures, ways of living, literally night and day; the crowd and the staff are very different feom what deals with in korea, not that one is better than the other, it was just nice to see those contrasts. he also thought it was crowded, both the concert and the city, they couldn't go anywhere because fans followed them, they had to eat in super unknown places to not be seen. "I loved the meat, very salty, crispy, juicy" he wants to return as a tourist.

hongjoong

bro was so tired, he couldn't think straight, everywhere, all the time they needed him to talk and represent and work. working. all. the. time. my dude is 🤪 his mind is like shutting off, trying to stay awake, telling me his experience he was saying a bunch of nothings that he rehearsed and said millions of times before. "the entire time I was thinking 'I want my beeed I wanna go hoooome'". he is so tired, poor thing, I don't think he even knew where he was, what he was doing. he said it was beautiful, but he got near a head rest, he slept. he was not thinking straight, but my spirit guide said that he's sleeping HARD now kmkkkkkk somehow, tho, it was refreshing to him, like restoring his strength or passion or something, the feeling of achieving something new, seeing different people, different places. he just felt bigger, stablished, "I fucking did it". that's what he said. (before they came to latam, they were in LA and Japan again, and as much as they like it, it renewed his spirit to go and see what he hasn't, it didn't feel as limiting)

yunho

hes very angry, he did not enjoy, I won't go further because it's ugly. it's his own issues with the company. he said everyone's a son of a bitch, I'm laughing my ass off. he did say and show that he drank alcohol there "so icy", he's very very funny, wish yall seen it, dude's cool. he said he wanted to walk around the stadium and he couldn't, they said it was dangerous, he said he'll burn the stadium now because why not "just make it safer????" he said delicious beer and coffee, allegedly he brought home a few bags of brazilian coffee. he hates everyone and every company ever, yall please have patience with him, he's going through puberty.

yeosang

DUDE IS SO PROPER, HE IS SO CUTE.

he kept repeating he was so tired and he already forgot what happened in the concert. he loved the food, allegedly, farofa and guaraná were included and he wants more for his whole life, best part of the trip, he'll never forget. so cold, allegedly he forgot it's winter in the south and didn't pack accordingly.

san

san was feeling himself, he felt hot and sexy and desired (my whole body is cringing). the country looks nice to live in, he liked when it was calm, he liked the melancholy of the weather, it inspired him. coffee again, a hot topic, pão de queijo, allegedly, he liked the cheese itself, he said cheese puffs, I think he means bolinhas de queijo, but I am not sure cause I wasn't there. he liked his room, he liked the view of the stadium, the fan lights were beautiful. he wished fans would've been less physical, in every way, he had his space invaded and he thought fans only cared about their looks and bodies, which made him disappointed. san said he has lost his faith in humanity a long time ago and brasil solidified that. he knows he doesn't have a fair opinion tho, because his stay was so quick and packed, he wants to give it a second chance when he can just be san, hiding in his thoughts and melancholy.

mingi

mingi had the best time in brasil, mingi loved samba, mingi tried paçoca and coxinha, salgado de presunto e queijo. mingi didn't like the infamous brazilian soda, "too sweet", he said, underwhelming. such a mess, crowded, unorganized, mingi was stressed!! he was tired as fuck, people in that town are rude, fans give him no space, he was so annoyed, but he loved it there. there's this bit of plinc, like a little yellow light in his heart, he had such a bad experience but he feels so sweet, and calm, satisfied. mingi is an angel on earth, he said he had a spiritual experience there, he felt at home, which is very very interesting. he wants to know the country more personally, less expensive and rushed, more familiar. he felt at peace, although all he had were bad experiences everywhere, so tired all the time, he wants to return, it's very interesting. he loved the rain, he likes that weather, oh mingi said before that he loved the shower in his hotel because it felt like a sauna, and the fans are cool too, just too annoying, in his ears, screaming and demanding more of him, he's like "I'm just a dude! I can't" very softly, my god this man is an angel. mingi fell in love there, he really did, I think he found his second home. he feels so calm, so peaceful, at rest, familiar, so comfortable and truly happy. I have never read ateez like this before, it's insane.

wooyoung

"just another day, just another country, I just wanna go home". he seems to have dissociated a lot, he's tired, I won't bother him.

[malepresentingleg]

Reasons why Por and Tiw are secretly dating

I'm doing a rewatch and so I've decided to gather all the evidence and lay it out here (with shitty gifs bc i don't know how to), because I love this pairing so much: the least brain cells character with the one that makes everything happen, what a beautiful combo :')

Episode 1:

That's a weak tiwpor episode, the best I could find was how after the band finds out Tinn is a judge in the temple competition Por is happy - probably because he knows Tinn is his boyfriend's buddy (and possibly that he has a crush on Gun?).

Episode 2:

No more words are needed. Por is simply pulling his boyfriend with an affectionate "you", even tho at this point the band supposedly doesn't even know Tiw 👀

Episode 3:

I just thought this was cute, he wants to give his bf the recognition he deserves for helping them all!!

Episode 4: I couldn't find what I had saved so I'll skip that but I'm sure it was there!!

Episode 5:

This was of course such a sweet moment between the two! It starts by Tiw remembering he's a moronsexual (the famous "why confused?" by Por), then he gives him advice about his mom.

The familiar way they speak with each other can be the result of a week of tutoring, but it's clear Tiw knows him pretty well..

Episode 6:

Okay this is like. Damning evidence.

Obviously the three couples of the series are the couples of the clip but -

In the original, the noodles shop pair is the only one that's clearly an actual couple at the end, which tells us that at this point, tiwpor are the only actual couple (true, since we see the other two get together in the following episodes).

The other two couples had to have intense preparation before the shooting, because they still had progress to make. Tiwpor? They don't need it since they already are dating.

AND that's also the only couple we don't see shooting their scenes at all. Why? Are they trying to keep some relationship a secret or something?? Very sus. They hid the noodle shop shooting both from the rest of the gang and from us the audience, just like they do with the tiwpor relationship :')

~That's actually where I reached in my rewatch but from what I remember:

Episode 7: Por was all for canceling the no dating rule, very sus. Also he tells Gun he's singing love songs better, and "whoever is the cause" is good for him, almost like he might have inside information about Gun's relationship status from someone...

also, this bit after Por and Gun talk and Gun turns to lovingly stare at Tinn, look who else is there turning towards them 👀

Episode 8: I'm blanking again, might edit when I reach it.

Episode 9: Cute water splashing in the sea.

Episode 10: "MY dear student council" when asking for approval on the posters + the whole "hmm does Tiw has a secret crush on Por", and Por doing the surprised Pikachu meme

Episode 11: I mean, the whole damn thing :')

Though I will admit episode 11 did throw me off because I thought it'll be revealed for sure. Instead, we got pre-relationship flirting vibes rather than the established relationship vibes I was expecting for some of the scenes but then it went back to secret boyfriends vibes?

In conclusion: Either I'm completely clowning and next episode they'll barely get together, or we'll finally get to see them being openly cute and boyfriend-y. It'd be very weird for one of the 2 main side pairings to have so little content otherwise, just saying.

[icedmetaltea]

Ngl I feel kinda somber now that it's Officially November...

(just sad thoughts)

All I have to look forward to is Thanksgiving and Christmas, both of which are family-themed holidays if that makes sense and it just makes me remember I'm now not in contact with my sibling. I may not even be staying with my parents by christmas, I may be back in my old apartment all alone or at a new one, still alone.

It wouldn't have mattered even if my sibling was still staying there, they were going to go on a vacation to Europe through christmas this year so I would've been alone anyways.

And like... due to climate change n all, September and October here were basically still summer. It's only now starting to feel consistently cold. I only have November, December, January and maybe February to look forward to before it starts warming up again and with it my anxiety, which I've only just now gotten under control.

It feels like I'm having shorter and shorter timeframes during the year (cool or cold months) where I'm not having horrific anxiety and ya know feel ok with the whole being alive thing. If I have to wait for just a small fraction of the year to not feel like dying, then like what's the point in living?? It becomes a quality of life problem at that point.

If you spend so much of your time just surviving, it's not really living, now is it?

It's just impending doom hanging over me, nothing new there. Now that my sibling is close to moving I have to worry about where I'll live by the end of the month, about financial aid and getting back into school (online if possible), getting a part time job for the first time, living alone for the first time, if I can get back on ebt... so many fucking things. Which ofc doesn't help with the suicidal thoughts. And ofc my mom had to bring up how all the war with palestine is seeming like The End Times according to the bible and my existential anxiety did not like that.

If god's real (the one my parents believe in anyway) I am of course going to hell. If god's real they're evil, or at least apathetic to the world's suffering, so I have to contend with both a god that hates me and a devil that loves making people suffer. I keep telling myself it's not real but ya know religious trauma and all that shit... Like I want to just turn off my emotions and remind myself if it is real Ok I guess I'll Die and Burn in Hell tm but at the same time it's like why not just make it quicker while I'm having and have so many guns around me.

Don't worry tho this year was the worst my depression or anxiety's ever been and I didn't attempt suicide even during the worst of panic attacks (tho it was tempting, and I couldn't exactly move enough to reach for anything dangerous) so at this point future me prolly won't. And hopefully I can continue speaking to the therapist I'm seeing even when I move.

I just fucking wish my parents would stop reminding me that half this country doesn't believe in climate change and thinks Israel is the victim in the war going on and all this other shit like can you BE ON MY SIDE FOR ONCE PLS. But no I'm just a stupid young person I guess, what do I know, what's my word compared to THE BIBLE or facebook or where ever she gets her info...

And ofc my therapist brought up a good point, aside from my parents and sister I genuinely have nobody irl I can turn to when things go sideways. I don't know if I ever will. When I say I have a resting murder face and an aura that makes people stay away from me I'm not joking and she rlly thinks it's all just a negative view of myself, but it's true. People are scared of me I think, always have been, it's just the vibe I give off.

So I will continue my life without friends and without people who will believe me when I talk about stuff like climate change and that is that. That's not to say I don't cherish online friendships, but I mean just like people I can depend on to really be there, to take me in if I genuinely can't take care of myself, bc it got like that for months and I couldn't so much as wash my own dishes or myself and I don't want to be alone when it happens again, and I know it fucking will.

But yea, I figured i should write this all down while it's fresh on my mind so I can reference it before my next appointment in two weeks...

[eccentric-ocean]

late may/early june reading list

Bound to Fall by A.K. Caggiano

This is a spinoff of Villains and Virtues and technically book #4 in the series. Having invested in a non-amazon e-reader, I couldn't get a hold of it in a digital format. I believe the author self-publishes through amazon? So, after much pondering, I got the paperback. And I was not disappointed. I loved it. It's a story about opposites who turn out to have loneliness in common, the way AK Caggiano has mastered them. And we get cozy little (magical) town vibes, as well as a backstory on a villain from a different book. Don't actually recall why I knocked off half a star and gave it 4.5, might've been the smut I wasn't vibing with or some of the magic I had a hard time following.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation: Mo Dao Zu Shi (Novel) #1 and #2 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Very much here for WWX and LZ, which means the big chunks of story where either of them is missing are looooong.

Boyfriend Material and Husband Material by Alexis Hall

I promise I have not set out to read A. Hall's entire body of work this year, although it looks like it. In my defense, I already know there's some of his books I will not be reading, just cuz they're not my cup of tea. But that's already 5 books of his I've read in 2 months. And I've enjoyed all of them, some A LOT. Boyfriend Material is um... about polar opposites falling in love. Do you sense a theme in my reading lately? Anyway it's funny and lovely and gay. And the characters are complex. They get even more so with Husband Material, which is all about whether marriage is for everybody. Whether there is a "right" way to be gay. What happens when your shitty parent dies. etc.

I confess Husband Material was less fun than the first book. Simply cuz there is that constant tension around marriage/weddings, until it finally breaks at the end. Still worth a read for more Lucien and Oliver. Some of the cast of friends felt more cartoonish than others but meh, I still enjoyed them.

BTW Lucien just cannot be a sexy name to me, as a french person, even tho I could tell Oliver was supposed to say it sexily. It stopped being popular sometime in the 1950s/1960s so it's bringing up thoughts of someone's great-uncle for me. I had to fight this throughout both novels lol. But at least the author had mercy on me and DID NOT write smut in these.

What I'll read next:

Must finish Veiller sur elle sometime.

Orwell's Roses is next on the TBR. Unless I go for fiction instead, in which in case Yulin Kuang's debut novel How to End a Love Story is a strong contender.

My 2024 storygraph chart currently looks something like this: