i keep thinking today is saturday but it's friday. i want nothing more than to chill. but i really really really need to get back on track, so here i am pretending i'm studying at a cozy cafรฉ when i'm actually just at my desk, feeling confused and utterly disorganized with all the info i have to shove into my brain ๐ it's not that i hate or don't find what i'm learning interesting. i would really really really enjoy it if i could read about them and revise them at a leisurely pace. unfortunately that's not the case and nnnngggggghhhhhh sometimes i just feel like giving up but i would feel really terrible about it if i didn't at least try. i also updated my picker wheel so i'll be forced to do the maintenance things i've been putting off during my pomodoro breaks.
learning:
18 mol bio slides โ
(i was supposed to finish all 30 left for this section but whenever i focus for >3h on a single subject i start zoning out and getting distracted...which is what happened ๐ต)
mol bio lecture 2/3 โ
(there's a little bit left, but i am zoning out ๐ตโ๐ซ)
finish psyc ch 2 of 4 โ
(lately they just keep repeating info we've covered b4 with a few more details ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ i'm not complaining but i can't wait for them to cover new stuffff)
finish biochem section 4 โ
biochem discussion posts โ
(i completely forgot they were due today until 2h before the deadline ๐๐ต๐๐ต๐๐ต luckily, they're short assignments ๐๐๐)
self-care:
physio exercises x5 โ
meditate โ
(i did it on my own! for 10 minutes! it took a little bit to get my mind to quiet but eventually i was able to bring my attention back to my breathing/other physical sensations like the temperature with greater ease; feelings noticed: guilt -> anxiety bc i had not gotten started on my morning routine and studying right away)
bike โ
laundry โ
fresh air + look far โ
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craving long, cozy lamplight nights, dusty books, notes scribbled in margins, hot cups of earl grey, the staticky radio buzzing with classical music, starry nights, foggy mornings, an endless supply of things to read
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my ๐ง feels like โจcHaOsโจ and so this post will be โจcHaOsโจ
I went to the biochem Q&A sesh today
and OMG DID I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS I DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE THAT MANY but I'm glad I attended, else it would've taken longer to get a response but now I have to revise (and by that I mean cut) a LOT from my paper and re-think how I'm doing it, if I'm doing it right or veering off topic (bc one thing when you're researching a disease new to you is that there's sm info out there and you're like ๐๐ป EVERYTHING IS RELEVANT ๐๐ป but no- only the biochem-related aspects of the disease are relevant for this assignment). idk how off-topic i actually am or if i'm pretty on the mark, but ngghhh tHe FiRsT dRaFt Is DuE On TuEsDaY *frantically waves arms, noodle-like* ๐๐ป that doesn't feel like a lot of time to write the whole thing in all the detail i want so i can get useful feedback ๐ซ
catching up on psyc notes (total ch finished this week: 2/5)
idk why but pomodoro and perky jazz music is the only thing keeping me focused for this.
fixing biochem paper
i read somewhere on here about having a document of your cuts in case you need it again later. useful advice, that. ๐๐ป also, i think what i should do first is make notes in a separate doc and THEN decide what to do with all that info...it might sound like it'll take longer but it's more efficient than writing a whole bunch and then realizing half of it is info you don't need. my stupid panicky brain couldn't realize that in the beginning (even tho that's what it had done b4 for other "essay-like" assignments) and was either stuck in analysis paralysis or just editing and re-editing, but better now than later (i haven't written THAT much beyond the intro anyway ๐
)...
in other news, i got enough sleep for once bc i went to bed super early and ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP BEFORE 12AM LIKE WHAT IS THIS MADNESS (ig i finally tired myself out enough these past few days ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ) and despite waking up multiple times throughout the night bc i'm not used to the schedule, i am well-rested ๐ and my back is still being annoying but at least it's a little better than yesterday + i get to study while cozy in bed ๐ฅฐ
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imagine ur living inside a tiny mushroom house... with a tiny chimney.... deep in the woods... no one knows u exist... u make soup in a tiny pot.....u are free
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