#cr campaign 3 episode 34

[lucidmagic]

Fey are selfish creatures.

Birdie and Ollie’s admissions flip over and over and over again in Fearne’s mind, over and over, hammering into her soul.

Orym looks so small cradled gently in Chetney’s wolven arms. Peculiar, Fearne thinks, he never seemed so small by her side, always larger, bigger, especially when he aimed that slight smile her way. Laudna appears sleeping—not her usual slumber with her death rattles and ever watchful pupils, but a calm one. Far too calm for someone so exuberant.

Over and over and over.

Selfish.

Selfless.

Those words are meaningless to a being like the satyr— they are whim and whimsy and uninhibited merriment.

In the strange word of Exandria’s people—selfish.

Birdie and Ollie aren’t trying to stop whatever is happening because of the good of their heart.

They’re doing it because a young satyr was born under a bleeding, crimson moon and they are terrified.

And Fearne is terrified. Petrified. Utterly bloodied and barely clinging onto life herself. And she was the only option Letters had.

Seeing two corpses in the guise of her companions. Two choices. Two friends.

Two sides of a coin.

A shield.

And a lady.

Over and over and over and over.

Orym.

Laudna.

Orym.

Laudna.

Over.

And over.

And over...

The cool metal lands in her palm silently and scorches her flesh, and nary a breath is spared when Fearne holds it to her chest and peeks.

One side for the halfling, the other for the half-dead.

She peeks, making sure sure the decision is absconded from the rest. And then the coin in gone in her fur before the image makes her puke up sanguine breakfast.

Fey are selfish creatures, she thinks, as she whispers her parting promise to Laudna and then brings Orym’s limp, lukewarm body onto her thighs.

Imogen sobs.

Chetney huffs.

FCG blinks.

Ashton cusses.

Fearne starts the ritual.

The coin sears into her side, the visage of the lady branded into her eyes and soul.

It’s a funny word, selfish. A foreign, meek, ephemeral thing that Fearne’s mind and heart couldn’t quite understand. But even before the golden coin flicked and tumbled up from her thumb nail...

...she’s beginning to.

[pocketgalaxies]

not laura just now realizing that she needs spell components to cast spells dkfhgkjskdfj

[shadowgasp]

the suddenness and speed of which Sam pulled the toolbox out and smacked it on the table was way too funny.

[dndeed]

Crit Role Miniature Rollout: C3E40 Compulsions

With Andrew Harshman

An archive and analysis of the minis used on CR.

One free year of sky ship, now there’s a valuable Adventuring Groupon. Love a good fast travel option. And a fast travel option with a great miniature is even better. Mighty fine stuff. 

Say, remember that Twitter post from the previous ep? Well take a gander at the bottom right:

Why it’s the cockatrices and chimera from this episode, previewed a whole week early. What. A deal. Let’s get into it.

Curse the ballistas, full speed ahead, it’s time for Crit Role Miniature Rollout Campaign 3 Episode 40!

The List

Mats by Mars: Coastal Combat Tabletop Wargaming Play Mat

Chest and Trove 5E Condition Rings

D&D Icons of the Realms: Spell Effects

@Minileed Custom Sky Ship

Campaign 3 Party Minis Wizkids Sculpts

Tyranny of Dragons #34 Ballista

Elemental Evil Gold Dwarf Guard

Against the Giants Tiefling Gladiator

Mythic Odysseys of Theros Chimera

Reaper Miniatures Medium Fire Elemental

Assorted scatter terrain

The Terrain

What’s a sky ship without, ya know, the sky!? That’s just a ship if you ask me. Well luckily, Critical Role map favorite, Mats by Mars has that covered with their Coastal Combat mat. Those clouds are outstanding! Really helps sell the scale of the scene. 

Mini of the Ep

Imogen Summons Reaper Miniatures Medium Fire Elemental

My coveted Mini of the Ep award goes to Reaper’s Medium Fire Elemental. Medium? Is that referring to the level of heat? Nah, I suppose not. Perhaps not the most exciting pick. But I have a fondness for a capably executed elemental. And Reaper Miniatures is a indeed a very capable mini manufacturer.

Crummiest Mini of the Ep

Chimera Mythic Odysseys of Theros Chimera Image sourced from minisgallery.com

The chimera is a classically RADICAL monster. But this miniature is downright square. Did they forget to paint this model? I didn’t know you could make a chimera look this boring. Literally vanilla. Ya killin’ me Wizkids. Quite handily the worst prepainted chimera:

See ya next sesh!

#critroleminiaturerollout

[thequeenofmyownscreen]

I was talking with friends about our CR summary of 2022 on our discord channel, and since I've rounded up the numbers already, I thought I'd shared them here too.

In 2022, I have watched :

34 Campaign 3 episodes + 8 episodes of 4 Sided Dive

82 Campaign 2 episodes + 62 episodes of Talks Machina

12 episodes of the 1st season of The Legend of Vox Machina

4 episodes of Exandria Unlimited : Calamity (my beloved)

at least 7 one-shots, many of them in relation to Campaign 1, but not only !

4 episodes of UnDeadwood

also the first 2 seasons of Travis Willigham's Yeehaw Game Ranch, so 19 episodes

also the 1st season of All Work No Play + the podcast, so 23 episodes

also the 1st season of Narrative Telephone, so 8 episodes

I did NOT count the rewatches (mostly TLOVM one or twice !)

No wonder my Tumblr year was occupied by CR, huh.

[idoobeg]

I posted 5,830 times in 2022

That's 452 more posts than 2021!

16 posts created (0%)

5,814 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sterekotp1

@cobrilee

@feelsforsterek

@lamberts

@jolly-polly

I tagged 47 of my posts in 2022

#idoobeg speaks - 13 posts

#the amazing devil - 9 posts

#critical role - 5 posts

#ruin - 3 posts

#laudna - 2 posts

#jesus - 2 posts

#exu calamity - 2 posts

#dimension 20 - 2 posts

#the old witch sleep and the good man grace - 2 posts

#love run - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#and i hate picking up after her and literally doing her job while she just sits on her phone all day

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I was messing about with one of those AI art apps, putting in various Amazing Devil lyrics and I present to you The Old Witch Sleep and The Good Man Grace

9 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

#4

Spoilers for Critical Role Campaign 3 Episode 34

After watching episode 33 last week, I knew tonight's episode was going to ruin me. But I didn't expect it would the way it did. Watching Imogens face as she dealt with the death of her best friend and someone she loved and treasured was horrible. Laura seemed truly heartbroken as she played it out. It never even occurred to me that Marisha would roll a Nat 1 on her death saves and Laudna would actually die. I was just so scared and worried about Fearne and Orym.

I also truly felt so sorry for Ashley, making the choice on who to save between 2 of the party members. If only some else had revify or if Sam had any spell slots left.

But most of all, I commend Marisha. Not once did she try to sway anyone in making the decision to bring her character back. In fact, she didn't even say anything about it. She just told everyone that she wanted to stay out of the groups decision.

And while I am extremely relieved that Fearne and Orym survived, I really am gonna miss Laudna. It's gonna be hard not seeing Marisha at the table next week until the party either find someone who can bring Laudna back or a new character gets introduced. The undead is now dead.

13 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

#3

Hi! I’ve watched a lot of dimension 20 and never watched an episode of critical role, but I’m really curious about the cr miniseries with lou wilson, aabriya Iyengar, and brennan et al, will it make sense if I watch exu as a stand-alone? Is it more of a “you’ll enjoy it more if you know the world” or do I absolutely need to have watched some other stuff to even grasp what’s going on?

Hi! I had a similar situation when I first wanted to watch CR having not seen Campaign 1 and 2 but after doing some research I learned I didnt need to have watched any before getting into it. And fortunatly, EXU Calamity is technically a prequal to all the other CR main Campaign stuff so you dont really need to know much in order to watch. All you need to know is that the Calamity was a War fought hundreds of years before the begining of Campaign 1 and no matter what happens in the miniseries, its still gonna happen cause if it doesnt then the whole history of Exandria (the wonderful World created by Matthew Mercer) technically wont exsist. I will say there is a few nods to somethings that happen in Campaign 1 that I didnt completely understand but it in no way took any enjoyment or understanding from this particular storyline.

So in conclusion, no you dont have to have seen anything from past CR episodes to watch Exu Calamity. If you really want to, there are many videos, blog posts, articles, and even a whole Wiki dedicated to Critical Role where eveything can be explained in further detail if you really want to know more.

I'm also going to say that if you love Dimension 20 and its cast members, you will love CR, and youre gonna absolutely fall in love with Travis Willingham, Sam Reigal, and Marisha Ray.

Hope this helps and makes sense! If you have anymore questions, feel free to drop me a message and Ill help any way I can!!

(Edit: just going to add as well that CR streams first on Twitch at 7pm PDT on Thursdays and then up loads the episode onto YouTube on Mondays at 12pm PDT. I wait until the Monday upload cause of timezones 🙂)

16 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

#2

Critical Role Campaign 3 Episode 33 Spoilers Ahead!

Not me just quietly sobbing for the past hour from the most recent episode of Critical Role. The thought of losing both Orym and Fearne is leaving me heartbroken. They're both my favourite characters in the party! I don't wanna say goodbye to them yet! I also don't want to wait a week to find out what happens. I cant imagine how Liam and Ashley are feeling about all of this either.

And what if they do both stay dead. Whos gonna tell Dorian?? Or even the rest of the Crown Keepers?? Or Fearne's family?? Or Keyleth and the Air Ashari??

But all that aside, it was otherwise a fantastic episode. It kept me at the edge of my seat for nearly 4 hours. And it was such an emotional roller-coaster, what with the seige and getting Treshi out and then the horrible boss fight with Ottahan. Matt Mercer, I salut you. You are one incredible Dm!

24 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I'm only recently getting into Critical Role but I've been a fan of Dimension 20 for over a year now and watching Brennan GM for CR is amazing. His style is so obviously different from Matt and Aabria, who are both very talented GM's in their own right. But theres something in the way each player at the table gets so enthralled by what he's saying that is just so beautiful. The way Brennan tells a story, how he pitches his voice, every inflection on his words is just pure talent. He really is a born storyteller and I'm glad those in the Critical Role fandom who aren't apart of D20's and arent familar with Brennan get to experience it

121 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ahelpfulpeach]

just as a heads up for followers who either don't wanna see critical role stuff or who are not caught up, my tags will be going forward:

cr (for any critrole related things)

cr3 (for any campaign 3 things, I'll do cr2 if it's from the second campaign and lvm for legends of vox machina)

cr spoilers (for the past three episodes worth of content. so for right now episodes 35, 36, and 37 will be spoiler marked, and 35 will phase out Friday morning when 38 is available on twitch. that said I'm not going back and removing that tag from old things cuz that's a pain. I just won't add it to new things from, right now, episode 34 and older)

[murdergrandmafanclub]

Anyone else think that Ashley/Fearne might’ve fudged that coin flip to save Orym? I mean, she keeps the coin out of sight of everyone at the table, and it makes absolute sense that she would choose Orym over Laudna given that they have a longer and deeper connection…

Or maybe I’m just wearing my tinfoil hat today, I dunno 🤷‍♀️

[eyeshadowandcaffeine]

VOD’s up gang, good luck, stay hydrated🖤

[sisaloofafump]

It's weird listening to campaign 1 in podcast form because they completely cut out all the pre/post show announcements and don't have any added ads either (like in the later mn ones). On one hand this is great for binging because the plot is barely ever interrupted and, as someone who never skips podcast ads (for accurate listening stats), it also makes it a lot less tedious to listen to. On the other hand, cr is great at pre-show announcements and I really do miss the banter. One key part that I miss is hearing how the show's production progresses and when they introduced merch, when they started attending cons (as guests), etc etc etc

[your-turn-to-role]

so, since i've failed at getting into c3 so far (i've tried, it's just yet to be my kind of story), i've decided in lieu of my liveblogging, each week i will be posting a one sentence summary of the episode based exclusively on what everyone on my dash is freaking out about, regardless of how relevant it is to the episode!

the list so far:

episode 3 - bertrand is fucking dead

episode 4 - s h a d o w b a k e r (who is 100% Not Essek)

episode 5 - "pretend that this is kith and kin, because both liam and i forgot to bring it-" "-both promised to bring it-" "-both forgot!"

epiosde 6 - 🎵 HEY THERE DELILAH WHAT'S IT LIKE IN LAUDNA'S BRAIN🎵

episode 7 - revenge of chetney chocolatecane poc o pea!

episode 8 - dorian's brother is a himbo

episode 9 - moon lore just dropped??

episode 10 - i think the party intimidated their way out of a problem but it's hard to tell because there's a shadowgast time loop au now

episode 11 - my whole dash is one art of the nightmare king, chetney is a werewolf, and matt's figured out how to counterturtle!

episode 12 - is it marwa time i think it's marwa time

episode 13 - ~masquerade ball~

episode 14 - everyone forgot that dorian wasn't a permanent cast member and they would like him to stay pls??

bonus one shot! - how many horses can one party stack!

episode 15 - no dorian :(

but also we're bell's hells now motherfuckers

episode 16 - mind condom

episode 17 - laudna in tlovm confirmed

episode 18 - imogen's blue now. that's her attack.

thursday 31st march - we've had first exu what about second exu?

episode 19 - one gold and a lime

episode 20 - new nordvpn, laura has new hair, and an incredibly deadly heist through a gift shop?

episode 21 - i cast yassify

episode 22 - oh my god did they actually get a response back from vex?

episode 23 - is travis actually making all these things out of wood?

episode 24 - imogen is bald now and erika's playing a hot elf

calamity break - brennan's here to destroy the world and it's the best written thing anyone's ever seen

episode 25 - new intro!!!

episode 26 - orym is Gay and erika ishii is Up To Something

episode 27 - erika's hot elf is evil and even hotter (also not an elf)

episode 28 - fearne lore time

episode 29 - [S] CR Fandom: Mental Breakdown

episode 30 - m o o n  l o r e  j u s t  d r o p p e d [bass boosted edition]

episode 31 - "i was waiting for the riegel shoe to drop" ~taliesin jaffe, c2e48

episode 32 -

episode 33 - somehow the queen is the least relevant person to die today

episode 34 - the true monster in laudna's head wasn't delilah briarwood it was fandom discourse

episode 35 - ashton confirmed spoonie, thank you taliesin for as always giving me personally the representation i didn't even realise was possible

episode 36 - deus vox machina

episode 37 - genuinely i think the delilah fight was so cool and i didn't even watch it

episode 38 - HE LEFT THEM A SKYSHIP AND A COOKIE RECIPE

episode 39 - i don't know what happened this episode but im glad travis is fulfilling his werewolf dreams

episode 40 - fearne put your hand up

m9 two shot! - THREE. PACTS.

episode 41 - it's been almost exactly one whole campaign since the last time members of the party got super fucked up on something they shouldn't have eaten, so it was about time!

episode 42 -

episode 43 - everyone desires planerider ryn carnally

episode 44 - i wanna say amateur porno in the basement. i really do. but unfortunately ludinus is up to some bullshit

episode 45 - turns out he doesn't keep a ledger... he has a kenku... so... we kidnapped the kenku

[dndeed]

Crit Role Miniature Rollout: C3E23 To the Skies

With Andrew Harshman

An archive and analysis of the minis used on CR.

Weregnome shenanigans, Great Orcish Bakeoff treats, skyships and skydiving, quite a variety of D&D activities going on in this Critical Role ep. And we got ourselves a new custom terrain set piece. @Minileed has done it again!

Fanfic authors, prepare to skyship your favorite characters, it’s time for Crit Role Miniature Rollout Campaign 3 Episode 23!

The List

Chest and Trove 5E Condition Rings

Mats by Mars: Badlands Tabletop Wargaming Play Mat

@Minileed Custom Sky Ship

Icons of the Realms: The Falling Star Sailing wheel

Arcknight Spell Effects

Axe N Shield Single Flyer Risers - Clear Mithril

LITKO Flying Figure Stands

Campaign 3 Party Minis Wizkids Sculpts

Waterdeep Dragon Heist #06a Merchant

Lords of Madness #06 Cloaker Ambusher

Eberron: Rising from the Last War #26 Cloaker

Fangs & Talons #14 Goliath Fighter

Critical Role Dwendalian Farmer

Tyranny of Dragons #34 Ballista

Icewind Dale Rime of the Frostmaiden #39 Avarice

Assorted scatter terrain

The Monsters

Skirath Hunter Lords of Madness #06 Cloaker Ambusher Mini images sourced from minisgallery.com

The texture sculpted into this model is impressive. All the scales and folds make this simple creature design a more interesting mini. I am quite curious about the monster this cloaker miniature represents, the skirath hunter. What’s their deal? Why are they attacking skyships? Were they maybe drawn to Bells Hells for some reason?

Skirath Hunter Eberron: Rising from the Last War #26 Cloaker

So I thought for sure this cloaker had cutesy lil’ trex arms holding lil’ daggers, but those are apparently mandibles are something. Furthermore, I’ve made another discovery, the name cloaker is very literal as these monsters have a false appearance ability to look like a literal cloak. What an incredibly specific ambush technique. 

Next time you retrieve a jacket from your hallway closet, remember that a closet can be its own dungeon crawl. A one room, one combat 1x1 inch grid square dungeon crawl. No wait- the cloaker is a large creature, that wouldn’t even work. Since the cloaker is a 2x2 large creature, that means it measures approximately 10 by 10 feet in size! So like, they use their false appearance to look like a MASSIVE cloak? 10 by 10 feet, that’s not a cloak, that’s a circus tent. I gotta tell ya, I’m not so sure about this monster concept. 

Moving onto the model itself. Not as much sculpt detail as the other cloaker, but the posing is quite good. The way the wings are arranged sells that billowy, floaty sort of vibe that I imagine a cloaker would have. The onscreen model looks a lot greener. Not sure if that’s the result of a repaint or of studio lighting.

The Nonplayer Characters

Xandis Icewind Dale Rime of the Frostmaiden #39 Avarice

This miniature paint job needs a few more colors. The character’s hair, head, and feather collar all just sorta blend together. I didn’t even realize this mini was of a tiefling at first. I thought they were a dragonborn or lizard folk. The color scheme is based directly on the NPC artwork from Rime of the Frost Maiden and I don’t think it translated well into Wizkids miniature form.

Gordi Fangs & Talons #14 Goliath Fighter

“Gordi the Goliath”, love the alliteration, don’t love the mini though. A bit of a wimpy looking goliath with a wimpy looking weapon. Aren’t goliaths supposed to be pretty hulking? This fella looks downright spindly by goliath standards. I dig the face markings though, that is very goliathy. 

Terana Critical Role Dwendalian Farmer

Don’t be fooled by the pleasant exterior, this farmer mini is capable and ready to start the peasant revolt! A righteous model for certain. Super useful mini. Like how many villager prepainted minis are there? Not many. How many villager dwarf minis? Basically zero. And what’s even better, is that the farming implement looks vicious enough that this mini easily works as an adventurer mini. Solid paint and great sculpt to boot. 

Khalil Benes Waterdeep Dragon Heist #006a Merchant

This model is back, having appeared last campaign as a denizen of Cognouza. Mighty fine merchant model. I like how this character is staring at the scroll in their hand as if to say, “What is this?” He needs a scroll of identify just to identify that scroll!

The Ballista

Ballista Tyranny of Dragons #34 Ballista Mini image sourced from minisgallery.com

Not the most baller of ballistae, but it’s basically bearable. The sculpt and casting mold is kinda lazy. The trigger portion is extra wide for no reason that I can think of other than for ease of manufacturing. And the scaffolding on the bottom should have space between the pieces of wood, but they are just filled in with plastic. Overall, fine for a piece of terrain I suppose.

Closing Thoughts and Predictions

So with a custom vehicle this impressive, I can only assume we will see this skyship again. Not the wildest of predictions. That being said, if this is the only session to feature this ship, I would have such respect for Critical Role and for Matt Mercer. Wow, what a power move that would be. Such a mini flex.

See ya next sesh!

#critroleminiaturerollout

[critrolestats]

Quick Answers 88

Updated to Campaign 2, Exandria Unlimited Season 1, and Campaign 3-003

Welcome to the first Quick Answers series of Campaign 3! We noticed that many of the requests we’ve received already fall well within the bounds of our Frequently Asked Questions, so although we are presenting answers to the questions we’ve got most frequently in the last couple weeks, we’d strongly suggest that you read through our FAQ!

Do you have a breakdown of all the races and classes of the PCs in Critical Role?

We don't know all races and classes (this campaign is young), but of the ones we do know, we have created this handy-dandy chart! This chart covers not only the main campaigns and ExU, but almost every 5e one-shot in CR history, as well.

I noticed that the character sheet for Ashton calls his subclass "Path of Fundamental Chaos". Given that this is a homebrew subclass and this is the only place I've found the name has been used so far, what source do you have for the name?

Matt used the term in C3E001 at 2:00:34, and we confirmed with him that it was the name of the subclass.

Why do you list Fresh Cut Grass as an Aeormaton on your character sheet for them?

Matt graciously confirmed for us that Fresh Cut Grass’ race is Aeormaton.

Can you keep track of how many times Ashton curses?

Although Critical Role is targeted toward an adult audience, we aim to keep our website and its resources safely available to all ages and environments. We don’t mind strong language, but you won’t find it on our website (as we’ve said in our FAQ). However, for those who really want to know, Stuart Langridge’s Transcript Search Engine can absolutely do the job: Just set the query to Taliesin and the word in question.

As a further note, except for very specific exceptions that we deem relevant (like the amount of times “nine” or “nein” were said during Campaign 2), we no longer track single word/phrases; we’re more than happy to leave that as an early relic.

Other questions answered in this series:

Can you answer something I’m curious about in the middle of the show?

How many facepalms did Matt do in the episode that’s currently airing?!

How many facepalms is Sam responsible for?

Why can’t you track the top ten longest facepalms Matt has held?

I see something in one of your posts or databases that should be corrected, based on data that is currently available from Critical Role itself. What should I do?

And a PSA to all the number crunchers out there...

Read more at critrolestats.com

[whitestone-is-for-lovers]

leetol progress update: I have barely been watching CR lately (c3 is making me spiral, c1 is just kind of boring to me rn, and also College so I have no time) but here’s where we’re at

campaign 1: just finished episode 50!

campaign 2: took a break at episode 31

campaign 3: halfway through episode 34*

* but also I missed half of 32 and never went back

by episode count, I’m 43% done with c1, and only 22% done with c2. I’ve got a LOT to catch up on still.

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

can you explain the storyline in critical role for me? if that's too much, who is your favorite character in critical role (and why)?

ohhhhh anon you shouldn’t have gotten me started…..

this is going to be so fucking long i’m so sorry so! critical role is a show/company comprised at it’s core of eight friends, all of whom are professional voice actors, playing dungeons & dragons together. they have 3 campaigns, the third of which is currently happening, as well as many oneshots, talk shows, an animated show, and more. each campaign has a very in-depth storyline, but i’ll do a brief summary of each of them. campaign 1 is vox machina, a ragtag band of mercenaries who become dragon-slaying, vampire-killing, god-fighting heroes. the characters (in my opinion) are all very lovable, and there's some really great romantic, platonic, and familial relationships. it's probably the most cliche in it's representation of fantasy and d&d so i recommend it for people who like that. there's also an animated show of it on amazon prime with one season out and another on the way! no knowledge of critical role is needed to watch the show,, it's how i got into cr in the first place. campaign 2 is the mighty nein, a bunch of fucked up and morally gray people who make a really good adventuring-team-turned-found-family. there’s a lot more diversity in these characters in terms of species/race than in campaign one, which can be enjoyable if you want your characters with horns and tails and tusks and funky-colored skin. full disclosure, i probably know the least about the mighty nein so some of the more complicated plot lines are more confusing to me,, that being said, i’ve still watched a lot of campaign 2 stuff and i adore them a whole lot. campaign 3 is bell’s hells, who really are just some guys that accidentally got involved in something way bigger than any of them. they’re all so dumb and easily trusting and so very lovely <3 there’s some really cool character designs and concepts, which i love. they’re currently on episode 34 of this campaign, so it’ll be going on for a while longer (the other two campaigns are 100+ episodes), which can be fun if you like watching things live. because this is already a full length essay, i’ll keep it very brief on the favorite characters part… my favorite characters are the three played by liam o’brien: vax’ildan, caleb widogast, and orym. liam is just such a phenomenal actor and his characters are so sad and emotional and fantastic and yeah i just love all three of them a whole lot <3 every campaign has moments that are wildly funny and moments that will make you cry your eyes out… there’s also fantastic queer characters in every campaign (including but not limited to aroace characters, multiple ace-spec characters, poly characters, a prominent wlw couple, and a lot more). in addition to the show, there are comics for campaigns one and two, and a published novel with one more on the way. anyways. i’m so sorry for how long this is, but that’s what you get for asking a neurodivergent person about their hyperfixation i guess 🤷‍♀️ i know critical role can seem like a lot, and that turns many people off of it, but you really don’t have to watch the entire thing in order to be a fan. i’ve been intensely hyperfixated on it for seven months, and i’ve watched one (1) episode in its entirety. it really is so so good and such a fun gateway into d&d as well as just a very enjoyable group of people to help restore your faith in humanity and bring a smile to your face. i could not recommend it highly enough.

[thecreaturecodex]

Dinosaur Tank

Image © Tsubaraya Studios, accessed at the Ultraman Wiki here

[The 700 Kilometer Run! is one of the worst episodes of Ultraseven. The aliens have no personalities and the plot makes no sense. One of the characters, Amagi, is suddenly deathly afraid of explosives, which is a problem because the team transporting a deadly explosive cross country under the cover of a motorcycle race. This despite the fact that the character had been shown blithely setting and detonating charges like three episodes previously, and the fear is never brought up before or after this episode. And the “plan” to “cure” his phobia is basically to traumatize him into thinking he’s about to die in a fiery explosion, only he doesn’t. It’s terrible. And then, with five minutes left in the episode and the aliens seemingly defeated, they unleash their secret weapon: Dinosaur Tank! And suddenly it’s still stupid, but much more charming. A legless dinosaur bolted to a tank is the exact kind of creature design you’d expect a creative eight year old to come up with, and his fight is one of the better ones in the series.

Although Dinosaur Tank never appeared in any Ultra TV series since then, he’s a common presence in the tie-in video games. Probably because he’s easy to render. My statistics are a hybrid between the giganotosaurus and the annihilator robot. The biggest addition was the trip/crushing trample combo, which is based on his tactics in the TV show. I was somewhat vague about his origins in the flavor text below, because I try to keep that Pathfinder Lite. In Paizo’s canon, I’d say that Dinosaur Tank was built by the crew of the Divinity (or their mad AI Unity), using a dinosaur collected from Castrovel. He’d make an excellent bonus boss for the Iron Gods campaign.]

Dinosaur Tank CR 20 LE Magical Beast This creature resembles a great carnivorous dinosaur riding atop some mechanical conveyance. It has no legs, merely a grid of metallic panels where its hips should be, fusing it to its metal lower half.

Dinosaur Tank is something of an enigma. Created generations ago using robotics to augment a giant dinosaur, Dinosaur Tank combines prehistoric savagery with futuristic technology. He has little personality or purpose aside from killing, but is capable of entering a period of dormancy when his cruel masters have no need for his services. Dinosaur Tank might be able to eventually escape from bondage and strike out on his own, but countless years of conditioning and cruelty have warped his rudimentary intelligence and left him truly evil.

In combat, Dinosaur Tank combines crushing blows with his natural weapons with fire from three cannons fitted to his wheeled chassis. He can also fire plasma beams from his eyes, and uses these to soften up enemies at a distance. Something of a sadist, his favorite strategy is to knock enemies over with his tail, and then run them down under his treads when they try to get back up. Brave to the point of self-destruction, Dinosaur Tank only retreats from the field of battle if ordered to.

Dinosaur Tank       CR 20 XP 307,200 LE Colossal magical beast Init +6; Senses darkvision 120 ft., low-light vision, Perception +26 Defense AC 35, touch 4, flat-footed 33 (-8 size, +2 Dex, +31 natural) hp 342 (21d10+147 plus 80) Fort +19, Ref +14, Will +11; +4 vs. death effects, mind-influencing effects Immune ability damage, ability drain, disease, emotion, paralysis, poison, sleep, stunning Defensive Abilities constructed, ferocity, hardness 15, stability; Weakness constructed Offense Speed 50 ft. Melee bite +29 (4d6+16/19-20 plus grab), 2 claws +29 (1d6+16), tail slap +27 (2d8+24 plus trip) Ranged 3 integrated chain guns +16 touch (8d8/x4) Space 30 ft.; Reach 30 ft. (15 ft. with claws) Special Attacks adamant fittings, beam gaze, combined arms, crushing trample, powerful blows (tail), suppressing fire, swallow whole (3d8+16 bludgeoning, AC 25, 34 hp), trample (4d6+24, Ref DC 36) Statistics Str 42, Dex 15, Con 25, Int 6, Wis 15, Cha 10 Base Atk +21; CMB +45; CMD 57 (61 vs. trip, overrun, bull rush) Feats Critical Focus, Improved Critical (bite), Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Multiattack, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Precise Shot, Staggering Critical, Stunning Critical, Weapon Focus (chain gun) Skills Perception + 26 Languages Androffan SQ all-terrain Ecology Environment any land Organization unique Treasure standard Special Abilities Adamant Fittings (Ex) Dinosaur Tank’s bite and claw attacks overcome damage reduction as if they were adamantine. All-Terrain (Ex) Dinosaur Tank ignore difficult terrain from any mundane material, such as undergrowth, water, mud or sand. He treats boulders, trees and other large obstacles as difficult terrain, dealing damage to them as if using his trample attack as he moves through them. Beam Gaze (Ex) Once every 3 rounds, Dinosaur Tank can fire two beams of plasma from his eyes. Each beam deals 24d8 points of damage in a 200 foot line—half of this damage is fire, half is electricity (Reflex DC 27 half). A creature caught in both beams does not take double damage, but suffers a -4 penalty to its Reflex save. The save DC is Constitution based. Chain Guns (Ex) Dinosaur Tank has three chain guns, which are treated as advanced firearms with a range increment of 200 feet. Dinosaur Tank can process scrap metal into ammunition, and so never runs out of ammo. Combined Arms (Ex) Dinosaur Tank can use his ranged and melee natural weapons simultaneously when making a full attack. When he does so, he treats all of his natural weapons as secondary attacks. Constructed (Ex) Dinosaur Tank is a cyborg, granting him some of the defenses of constructs. He is immune to ability damage and drain, disease, paralysis, poison and sleep effects, as well as to all emotion effects except for those that incite rage, anger or hatred. He gains a +4 racial bonus on all saving throws against death effects and mind-influencing effects. He also gains bonus hit points as a construct of his size. Dinosaur Tank is treated as both a magical beast and a construct for the purposes of spells and effects that rely on creature type. Crushing Trample (Ex) Dinosaur Tank deals double damage to prone foes using his trample ability. Stability (Ex) Dinosaur Tank gains a +4 racial bonus to his CMD against forced movement as long as he is on solid ground. Suppressing Fire (Ex) As a standard action, Dinosaur Tank may use his chain guns to make a single chain gun attack against all enemies in a 120 foot cone.