#crappy Star Trek Toys | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zen3to5 · 4 years

Text

J/H 7-20: Gimme Shelter

I've said all along that this rewrite is only concerned with the Jackie/Hyde material, especially for everything post-Season 5. That's going to be relaxed from here on out; with Season 7 serving as the series finale in this timeline, there are more adjustments to be made, and they start here with changes to how Eric arrives at his teaching career. But there's Zen here too, as the mess that was Jackie's graduation party gets replaced with something else...

(We assume that 7x18 and 7x19 play out as we know them from the show in this timeline.)

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE MUSIC NOTE: “Oh Well” by the Rockets. INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT The gang hanging out. HYDE and FEZ rummage through the deep freeze, JACKIE writes in a notebook in Hyde’s chair, ERIC and DONNA share the couch, and KELSO sits in the lawn chair. Jackie finishes off her writing with a firm dotting of a period and sets her pencil and paper down. JACKIE: And – done! That’s my last high school assignment. I’m all set for graduation this Friday. ERIC: I can’t believe I graduated a year ago. It’s like, I feel like I’ve done nothing. Man, time really flies when you take two naps a day. DONNA: Well, I wouldn’t say you’ve done nothing. I mean, you’ve... wow, you’ve really sat on your ass. Hyde and Fez emerge from the deep freeze, popsicles in hand. HYDE: Yup, Forman, we’ve all passed you by. I’m running a record store, Donna’s a DJ, Kelso’s a cop – even Fez has a job now. (to Fez) What is it again, man? Uh, shower girl? Make-up lady? FEZ: Shampoo boy! HYDE: (beat) Eh, I was close. He crosses to his chair and pats Jackie on the back. She stands up, lets him sit in the chair, and sits in his lap. ERIC: Wait a second – does this mean I’m the loser of the group now? KELSO: You are the one that’s still living with your mommy. ERIC: Man, you’re still living with your mommy. KELSO: Not for long. Me and Fez are looking for apartments. Then the only time I’ll see my mom is when she’s doing my laundry, cooking my meals, taking me to the dentist... He trails off there. JACKIE: Oh, Eric, I feel kinda bad. I mean, you wouldn’t even be thinking about this kind of stuff if you weren’t caught in the blinding light of my bright future. FEZ: You know, the scary thing is, if one year went by this fast, imagine where Eric is gonna be in ten years... He looks up, the camera tracks in, and we transition to: EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY FANTASY SEQUENCE. TITLE CARD 1: Eric’s crappy future. TITLE CARD 2: Ten years later. The Vista Cruiser comes into park. A grinning Eric steps out in full Mr. Spock costume, complete with ears. A thoroughly done Donna, in Uhura costume and wig, steps out from the passenger’s side. ERIC: Thanks for going with me to the Star Trek convention – Uhura. DONNA: You can call me Donna now. Without another word, she walks down the street. CUT TO: INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT Back to reality. Fez giggles at his scenario, as does everyone but Eric. KELSO: That’s good, Fez. But I think it’s gonna be more like this... He looks up, the camera tracks in, and we transition to: EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY FANTASY SEQUENCE. The Vista Cruiser comes into park. A grinning Eric steps out in full Luke Skywalker costume, complete with lightsaber. A thoroughly done Donna, in Leia costume and hair, steps out from the passenger’s side. ERIC: Thanks for going with me to the Star Wars convention – Leia. DONNA: You can call me Donna now. Without another word, she walks down the street. CUT TO: INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT Back to reality. Kelso grins at his scenario, as does everyone but Eric. HYDE: Nah, man. You’re both wrong. Actually, it’s gonna go like this... He and Jackie look up, the camera tracks in, and we transition to: EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY FANTASY SEQUENCE. The Vista Cruiser comes into park. A grinning Eric steps out in full Luke Skywalker costume, complete with lightsaber. A thoroughly done KITTY, in Leia costume and hair, steps out from the passenger’s side. ERIC: Thanks for going with me to the Star Wars convention – Leia. KITTY: You can call me Mom now. Without another word, she heads back into the house. CUT TO: INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT Back to reality. Hyde and Jackie nod along to the scenario, as does everyone but Eric, who scrambles over the back of the couch. ERIC: Whoa! DONNA: Eric, they’re joking around. It’s funny. ERIC: No, Donna, it’s not funny! In fact – it’s completely possible! He turns and races up the stairs.

MAIN CREDITS *** INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY The next day. The guys play cards while Donna reads in the lawn chair. Hyde, Eric, and Fez share the couch while Kelso sits backwards in Hyde’s chair. KELSO: (to Eric) So, gonna be a chiropractor, huh? All right, every chick patient that you have, you have to tell her the problem is her tailbone. That way, you get to grab around on her butt. ERIC: Kelso, I’m doing this ‘cause I wanna help people. A handful of ass is just a perk. The basement door opens and Jackie enters, box in hand. JACKIE: Hello, everyone. It is I, the light of all your lives and the newest arrival to the glorious world of adulthood. (sets box on coffee table) Michael, I remember how much you like playing with my equestrian figurine collection, so since I’m a mature woman now, these are for you. Fez reaches inside the box and lifts up a plastic toy horse. The guys all glare at Kelso, who shifts in his chair. JACKIE (cont’d): God, I cannot wait to graduate tomorrow. Classes are done and I finally know everything. Now it’s nothing but dinner parties, LoPP fundraisers, summers in Morocco, holidays in Paris... DONNA: Um, what about earning a degree, paying the bills, finding a place to live – you know, the responsibilities of being an adult? JACKIE: Okay, Donna, you’re forgetting one very important difference between most people and me – I grew up rich. I get things. Donna rolls her eyes as Jackie crosses to sit on the back of the couch behind Hyde. Kitty enters from the staircase, a newspaper in hand. KITTY: Michael, I circled some apartment listings for you and Fez. (to the gang) I found a great apartment for Janet Myers after her divorce. It has a murphy bed for when her kids come to visit. They never do. She’s in AA. She exits up the stairs. Kelso reviews the circled listings. KELSO: Look at all these places for rent. I hope we can find one that’s got everything my baby needs. FEZ: Oh, Kelso, you’re always putting me first. KELSO: Not you, moron! Betsy, my daughter. It’s amazing how one tiny person has changed my life so much. FEZ: You changed mine, too. Kelso’s out of insults; he just gives Fez a long stare. *** INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY The next morning – the day of Jackie’s graduation, before school. She and Hyde eat breakfast on the island as RED, Kitty, Fez, and Kelso do the same at the table. Breakfast is eggs for everyone, with plates of toast and sausages in the middle. With one sausage left, Red and Fez both reach for it with their forks. Fez takes it. FEZ: Too slow, old man. KELSO: Fez, if you’re not polite, he’s gonna figure out you’re living here. Red drops his fork and glares at Fez. RED: You’re living here? KELSO: Oh, great. You blew it, Fez! KITTY: Red, he has nowhere else to go. Red stands. RED: (to Fez) Well, know this, Pele: you gotta sleep some time. And during the war, when they were sleeping – that’s when I got ‘em. He exits out the patio door. KITTY: (to Fez) Well, that wasn’t too bad. He called you “Pele.” He is a terrific soccer player. She takes her plate, stands, and crosses to the sink. Fez and Kelso lean in toward each other. FEZ: What do we do now? KELSO: I don’t know, man. That apartment was the only one we’ve found that’ll work for you, me, and Betsy. FEZ: We could try that room above the barber shop. KELSO: No, we can’t. FEZ: Why not? KELSO: Because there’s no way Mr. Lucania’s gonna let out a room to the guy he found hiding in his daughter’s closet. Or the guy he found in her bed. With her. Five times, senior year. Jackie, who has been watching and listening with Hyde throughout the scene, sits up straight. JACKIE: Wow. You guys are really struggling with all those adult responsibilities Donna was talking about. And Michael, you’re good-looking, but it doesn’t seem like it’s helping you at all. KELSO: Yeah. I’m afraid you’re gonna find as you get out into the real world that there are some things a bitchin’ bod just won’t fix. JACKIE: (gasps) Oh, God! She clasps a hand over her mouth. Kelso nods gravely and turns back to his conversation with Fez. *** INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY Still morning, still before school. THE BRADY BUNCH plays on the TV. Hyde sits in his chair with Jackie in his lap while Donna remains on the couch, her neck still crooked. Eric retrieves a popsicle from the deep freeze and moves to join her on the couch. ERIC: (to Donna) How’re you doing, my little buttercup? DONNA: Great. The Brady Bunch is so much funnier sideways. JACKIE: Oh, God, Eric, you ruined her. Donna can’t even stand up straight now. And that’s real important for a lumberjack. ERIC: Hey, it’s not that bad. I’m sure chiropractor Forman can tend to my crooked little flower here. DONNA: You know, Eric, calling me cute little nicknames doesn’t make up for what you did. ERIC: Hey, whatever you say, my little crazy straw. JACKIE: Wow, this disaster just came out of nowhere, didn’t it? I mean, one minute Donna’s fine, the next some scrawny would-be quack’s turned her into a human pretzel. And Eric – Eric thought he found a career he’d be good at, which he obviously isn’t. (to Hyde) What if my TV show goes the same way? What if I’m no good? Or what if something awful happens to me out of nowhere, like a car crash or a gray hair? Donna was right – there is a downside to being an adult. Why was I in such a rush to grow up? I’m so short, I could’ve kept passing for a kid for years if I hadn’t talked such a big game about becoming an adult! HYDE: Look, Jackie - JACKIE: No, Steven! The graduation ceremony is in three hours, and I’ve just realized I’m not ready at all! I can’t do this! She lets out a scream and dashes into Hyde’s room. HYDE: (to Eric) Red still got that crowbar in the garage? ‘Cause that’s the only way we’re getting her out of there. Eric gives a sarcastic shrug as Donna rolls her eyes. *** INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT That evening. Eric sits on the back of the couch on one end, Fez sits in the seat on the other, and Kelso sits in the lawn chair. KELSO: Well, Red convinced Fenton to give us the apartment! He and Fez share a low five. FEZ: Yeah, and Red seemed so happy. All the way home, he just kept looking at us and laughing. KELSO: Yeah, I’m pretty sure Red told Fenton that we knew a lot of chicks, ‘cause Fenton kept checking me out, like he could tell that I knew a lot of chicks. The door opens, and BOB leads Donna inside. Her neck is still crooked. BOB: Eric, I can’t believe that you crippled my angel, my pride and joy. It kills me, seeing her like this. ERIC: Then why are you bringing her over here? BOB: Oh, I got a date. I met a lady at the open house. She’s got crow’s feet, but she works in the sandwich shop, so I bent the rules. He exits. Donna crosses to sit by Eric on the couch. ERIC: Look, Donna, I’m so sorry about what happened. You know, I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t think I ever really wanted to be a chiropractor. I was just, you know, grasping at straws. DONNA: I’d nod in agreement, but... you know, I’m paralyzed. KELSO: Eric, you know what I’m realizing about you? You’re not good at anything. FEZ: That’s not true, Kelso. Don’t forget butt-wiping. ERIC: Oh, you know, just once, it’d be nice if, after you get all your burns in, you guys actually tried to help. I mean, that’s what I do. I mean, I’m the one who was looking out for Hyde when his mom split. And Kelso, I was your math tutor in high school. And Fez, remember when you wanted to learn how to kiss, and I taught you by sticking M&Ms to the mirror? Donna and Kelso’s jaws drop. They look to Fez, who shifts in his seat. FEZ: That never happened. I know how to kiss. Ah, shut it, Eric! DONNA: (to Eric) You know, the only reason you ended up stuck like this was because your one chance to go away to college, you gave up to take care of your family after your dad got sick. You really do try to help. ERIC: And I love doing it. I wish that could be a career. DONNA: Right. You just need a career that combines a desire to help people with a high tolerance for irrational and childish behavior. ERIC: Or... just children. Just kids. Like at a school. Like a schoolteacher. Guys, I think I could make a good teacher! Before he can elaborate any further, the basement door flies open. Hyde enters, carrying Jackie in his arms. She has on a graduation cap and gown, carries her diploma in her hand, and wears a massive, spacey grin. JACKIE: Hello, adulthood! I’m Jackie Burkhart, and I’m ready for ya! DONNA: Hey, looks like someone got over her little panic episode. HYDE: Well, after you left, I went to talk to her and told her everything was gonna be fine and she was ready for graduation. But that didn’t work, so I broke out my best stuff. She’s been flying ever since. Jackie sweeps out her hand holding her diploma, pops one foot out, and kisses Hyde on the cheek. HYDE (cont’d): You should’ve seen her give the valedictorian address. DONNA: Jackie, you’re not your class valedictorian. HYDE: That’s why you should’ve seen it. ERIC: That’s great, Jackie. You know what? This has just been a great day all around. Jackie graduated, Kelso and Fez found an apartment, and I’ve decided I’m gonna be a teacher. That’s right, you are looking at a future Mr. Forman. JACKIE: Mr. Forman? Oh, well – She swings herself down from Hyde’s arms and stumbles over to Eric. She steadies herself by slapping a hand down on his shoulder. JACKIE (cont’d): Since I’ve already graduated, I can tell you now – my last essay? Yeah, everything in it, I stole from Donna doing the same assignment last year. As well as she can, Donna turns to give Jackie an incredulous look. JACKIE (cont’d): Hey, I’ve got my diploma, I’ve got a TV show, I am woman, and I’m ready for more! Eric, grinning, shakes his head. Donna, Fez, and Kelso chuckle. Hyde also shakes his head and walks over to lead Jackie to his chair. FADE TO BLACK

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5+#fan fiction #fan script

7 notes · View notes

revisitingstoneybrook · 4 years

Text

#15 Little Miss Stoneybrook...and Dawn: Chapter 14

No spoilers for who wins the pageant but the foreshadowing is so obvious you can probably figure it out. And there’s bruised egos all around in the BSC.

The pageant officially starts! The host says this is the first annual (and probably the only, since we never hear of this pageant again) Little Miss Stoneybrook pageant and it's sponsored by Dewdrop Hair Care, “hair products for today's youth!” Kristy makes a stupid joke, wondering about next week's youth. Say what you will about Abby being a Kristy clone, at least her jokes aren't as dumb as that one.

The judges are introduced: the owner of Bellair's, the head of the Stoneybrook Dancing School (thankfully not Mme Noelle or else we'd be subjected to zee french ak-zent), Mrs. Peabody (I assume from the charm school Karen goes to at one point. Continuity!) and some doctor, according to Dawn. I wonder what it feels like to be a doctor and have “judging kiddie beauty pageants” as your side hustle. The host says he'd like to “send heartfelt good wishes to each and every little miss who is backstage right now” and Kristy says “Gag me!” Actually keeping with the times and using some 80s slang, good on you, Ann Martin.

“Marching music” is blasted through the auditorium and the girls trek across the stage for the opening procession. Sadly, no opening musical number:

youtube

You know Karen would have shoved her way to the front with some lyrics she wrote herself like she did in her class Thanksgiving play.

Claire starts killing her odds of winning right away by tacking onto the end of her introduction, “Oh hi Mommy! Hi Daddy! Hi Mallory!” before she gets moved away and misses shaking Mrs. Peabody's hand. Oops. Maybe it's a good thing they cut her off or else the pageant would have taken much longer for her to name her whole family. And I'm surprised Mallory's there and isn't staging a protest with Jessi outside, complete with a bonfire of lipstick, hair curlers, and false eyelashes.

Margo does well, no one notices because she's overshadowed by the professional-ness of Sabrina Bouvier the Younger. I'm surprised she didn't say, “I'm Sabrina Bouvier, I'm seven years old and when I grow up, I want to be a sweetie pie! *bats eyelash implants*” Dawn tries to reassure herself that grace and charm really won't help in a beauty pageant. Maybe Sabrina isn't that talented, maybe her intelligence is hovering in the same area as Claudia's.

Now it's the part we've all been waiting for...the talent. The first contestant sings the national anthem while dressed in a red, white and blue sequined leotard. Claudia and Dawn share a laugh at how crappy she sounds and Claudia makes a mental note to ask the girl where she got the leotard from and whether they carry it in teen sizes. The second contestant sings a song she wrote called “I Love My Dog” but nothing is said about her because the true talent is taking the stage as she leaves. Myriah Perkins, in a pink leotard and tutu and black tap shoes, carrying a big lollipop, brings the house down with her rendition of “On the Good Ship Lollipop,” with a dance routine I'm guessing she choreographed herself. I'm surprised she isn't blindfolded and flawlessly juggling three hoops of fire too. She's met with tons of applause, and even cheering and whistling.

How do you follow that up? With Claire Pike! She says she doesn't want to do it but goes out anyway. For a moment she just stands there, doing nothing. Dawn eggs her on from offstage and Claire sings her Popeye song, does the hornpipe (and looks bored doing it), then sings again with the hand gestures. The audience, much to Dawn's relief, loves it. Claire hams it up even more and the audience laughs and gives her lots of applause. And, in a more shocking move, Kristy gives Dawn a thumbs-up for bringing Claire the Comedienne into the fray.

Claire's followed by a mediocre pianist and a failed baton twirler. Karen's up next and she goes onstage wearing her yellow flower girl dress. Dawn wonders if she's going to sing a love song. Oh no, Dawn. Instead of belting out “You Light Up My Life” or “Endless Love,” she sings the wonderful romantic ballad “The Wheels on the Bus.” FIFTEEN VERSES OF IT. Omitted from the text are the people in the audience screaming in agony as she makes up more verses on the spot, including “The people on the bus are tired and hot.” After the judges start looking at their watches, Karen takes a hint and finishes up. Surprisingly, Kristy doesn't act confident and smug and she and Dawn just shrug at each other.

A ballerina performs, Dawn remarks she's good (hold that thought, we'll return to it later) and then Sabrina the Younger comes onstage in a long black gown and white evening gloves with her hair piled up on her head. So like this?

It sounds like she’s going for a different look, because the song she sings is “Moon River.” Dawn says she's never heard of it but you'd think since the whole BSC is obsessed with old movies and Mary Anne loves Roman Holiday, which stars Audrey Hepburn, they'd know it’s the song from Breakfast at Tiffany's!

youtube

Needless to say, Sabrina butchers it, but she smiles a lot and the judges like her. Next, Margo takes the stage with her banana. The triplets snicker at her when she peels the banana with her feet but she ignores them and recites the poem without any mistakes and gets lots of applause. Phew. And Dawn gets another thumbs-up from Kristy. Again, what alternate universe are we in if Kristy is acting nice to Dawn?

And, just as expected, Claudia's plan of having her own pageant contestant blows up in her face when Charlotte freaks out, completely forgets the passage she's going to read, and runs offstage in tears. Charlotte's crying so hard backstage Claudia goes and gets the Johanssens to take her home and she stays at the pageant to see what happens, looking crushed. Charlotte never should have been a contestant in the first place, Claudia, you suck for humiliating her for your own personal gain!

The beauty parade is next, and it's every girl for herself. Dawn hears Margo tell Claire to break a leg, and Claire tells Margo, “I hope you fall off the stage!” Mee-yow!

Question time! Dawn tells Mary Anne she's worried and Mary Anne says she is too. I mean, she really has no reason to be, since she's coaching Myriah Perkins. Anyway, the first question a little girl gets is “What do you like best about Stoneybrook?” She says the ice cream store and everyone laughs in an “awww cute!” way.

The next girl doesn't fare well either and then we get to Myriah Perkins. She's asked what she would change about the world. Channeling John Lennon, Myriah says (and I have to quote it in its entirety): “It would be wars. I would stop them. I would say to the people who were making the wars, 'Now you stop that. You settle this problem yourselves like grown-ups. Our children want peace.' That's what I'd change.” The crowd applauds as the little peace activist exits the stage and Claire comes on.

Claire's asked what she hopes for most of all. She says, “Santa Claus. I hope he's real,” in a terrified tone. The audience laughs in the same way they did for the first girl and Dawn groans as if she's just been asked to babysit for Jenny Prezzioso. Mary Anne reassures her and says Claire probably got nervous. Karen's next and she gets the infamous “If your house was on fire, what 3 things would you rescue?” question. Kristy makes a point to say out loud that she prepared her for this.

But guess what, Kristy? You aren't the Queen of Babysitting because Karen manages to kiss the crown goodbye too. She says she'd rescue Moosie her stuffed cat (so I guess the Little House is the one burning down...nice. Save the MANSION), Tickly her blanket, and “as many toys as I could carry.” She asks if she could rescue a fourth thing and says it would either be Andrew, or her pen that writes in three colors. Lovely that she thinks of toys before she thinks of her brother. And I guess she's letting Lisa and Seth burn. I'm surprised she didn't say something like, “My parents are divorced and I live in two houses. Can I rescue six things since I'm Karen Two-Two?”

Unfortunately, Sabrina the Younger uses up the “global peace” answer before Margo can get to it. Or maybe it's a blessing in disguise, since she didn't know what it is. Either way, Margo's asked what she would most wish to happen in the year 2010 and she freezes. I guess she was nervous but terrified too because 2010? This book was written in 1988. And even then, in BSC land, that's ages away! She'd be 29 by the time the BSC got to 2010! And Claudia would probably still be wearing neon green hair scrunchies and bright purple leggings at age 35. Margo obviously doesn't want to recycle the global peace answer and her mind goes blank, so she's ushered off the stage after 30 seconds of dead air.

Dawn freaks out backstage and openly admits she wanted one of her girls to win so she could show what a good babysitter she is! We're back to this shit again?! The others admit to this too and in one of the most ironic statements ever written in a BSC book, Kristy says, “Maybe we learned something, though. Even the best babysitter can't change a kid.” Now how many times can we all name before and after this where the BSC attempted to change a “problem child” or help out a kid with a problem because their horrible parents didn't know about it? So they all agree with Kristy, don't apologize for being bitches to each other and crowd around Mary Anne because they're confident Myriah has this in the bag.

The girls all line up onstage for the announcement of the winners, which is so obvious right now, even Claudia can predict it. Third place goes to Lisa Shermer, the ballerina from earlier. She wins $50 and fades into BSC obscurity. Second place is Myriah! She shrieks with delight because she just won a shopping spree at Toy City (which I would gladly take over the grand prize). Dawn even admitted she'd like it because she could buy Kid-Kit supplies. First thought ALWAYS to the BSC, just like a good cult club member. Well, Myriah's thrilled but Mary Anne screams in agony and wails, “Why isn't she the grand winner?!?!?” and we cut away from offstage before we can all drown in the deluge of Mary Anne's tears.

First prize, no surprise here, goes to Amber Dempsey Sabrina the Younger. Time for the song! “L the losers in her wake, I the income she will make...”

youtube

She wins $100, gets a little tiara and bouquet of roses, her mom's weeping, Dawn calls the whole thing disgusting. Little does Sabrina the Younger know that's a magical tiara that will age her 6 years so by the time book #60 rolls around, she'll be 13!

#babysitters club #little miss stoneybrook...and dawn #dawn schafer #bsc #snark

2 notes · View notes

tessatechaitea · 4 years

Text

Cerebus #7 (1978)

Elrod's boots have toes.

This cover proves that with Issue #7, Cerebus had outgrown its "sword & sorcery parody" roots. I would now define it as "madcap sword & sorcery parody." Elrod deciding he needed a little guy in a bunny outfit after hanging out with Cerebus for a short afternoon only makes me love Elrod even more. This issue is also proof that Dave Sim didn't earn his "first man to write and draw 300 issues of a monthly comic book all by himself" award because he didn't do this cover; Frank Thorne did. I don't mind that Gerhard did all the backgrounds for most of the series because without Gerhard, the comic could have been the same just with crappy backgrounds. But Dave Sim not doing the cover art for an issue?! That seems, well, actually, it seems on par with Gerhard doing all the backgrounds. Never mind. Elrod was last seen in Cerebus #4 which might make this the fastest return of any guest character in any comic book ever. I'm not a comic book historian but I'd stake my mother's life on that previous assumption. Hopefully the previous sentence will not start a rumor that my mother is a vampire which I don't think she actually is. I'm not a vampire historian so I wouldn't stake my mother's life on my mother being a vampire. That's a clever line, isn't it? This month's "Note from the Publisher" (which I guess I've incorrectly been calling "A Note from the Publisher") has been renamed "A Brief Note." Unless this "Note from the Publisher" is named "A Brief Note." And it's always possible that it's just called "Brief Note" since I've made that error with the article previously. Getting to the bottom of what this column is called is more interesting than the content of the note which is why I'm done writing about it this month. Dave Sim explains how this issue was the issue that freed him from writing a Barry Smith barbarian parody comic book as he began to take chances with the art and develop more of his own unique style. See? Just like I said about the madcap sword & sorcery designation earlier! He also points out that this is the second issue in seven issues that hints at aardvarks being important and Cerebus being some sort of Messianic figure. He wouldn't revisit that for some time because it wasn't important yet and also he probably didn't really know what to do with it. But it was a good idea because how can you not get a ton of great stories out of a character who is some kind of paradigm changing religious MacGuffin! Plus Elrod! Elrod was sure to make the readers laugh uproariously so that their parents would look over annoyed and ask, "What's so funny?" To which the comic book reader could respond, "Sheesh! Mind your own business! You wouldn't get it anyway!"

Is it more or less manly to admit that I would fuck Cerebus' horse?

Last issue, we learned that Cerebus gets super horny when he's had apricot brandy mixed with Rohypnol. We also learned that once he has sobered up, he forgets about the woman he thinks he loves but really only sort of likes the idea of her loving him. But he doesn't forget about the location of the treasure he learned about! You might be thinking, "That's because he learned about the treasure before E'lass slipped him the date rape drugs." But then I'd say haughtily and super condescendingly, "Yes, but he also learned more information from Jaka while totally stoned out of his mind which was essential to realizing just where the treasure was!" Then you'd secretly begin to hate me and start ignoring my texts and start the slow and silent process of breaking up with a friend. What I was trying to express was that Cerebus is hunting for the Black Sun Temple's treasure! By the end of this issue, he maybe he'll be super rich but still totally alone. I can't stop thinking about that horse. I just remembered, upon the appearance of Elrod at the beginning of this comic book, that the guy in the bunny suit isn't with Elrod. At least, not at first. He's just some flim-flam man trying to become the next aardvark Messiah, I think. But that's okay because I'd use anything as an excuse to say that I love Elrod even more. I'm guessing a lot of Cerebus readers told Dave the same thing which is why Elrod is back so soon.

How have I been a fan of Cerebus for thirty years and never made a Black Sun cocktail?

Elrod has come to the Temple of the Black Dog's Hole Sun for all of the wrong reasons unless getting shitfaced is a right reason and then I stand corrected. I'm pretty sure I'm standing corrected right now. Cerebus doesn't really want him tagging along but he also doesn't want Elrod wandering around to be discovered by the priests which might put their security on high alert. So he drags Elrod into the temple with him to find the treasure. Once inside, Elrod eventually wanders off to find some treasure of his own after Cerebus points out that a quiet living albino and a quiet dead albino are practically the same thing.

I'm sure all the riches are consolidated in the head priest's chambers for safe keeping.

Meanwhile some short priest named Mit is busy sewing a bunny suit. It looks just like Cerebus but is meant to represent one of the Black Sun's oldest and most revered nameless gods! Mit had studied all of the past prophecy and scripture of the Black Sun's theology so that he could represent himself as the coming Messiah and be worshiped as a god. So basically he's doing what Jesus did. Or Ardra! That's a Star Trek: The Next Generation reference which is better than making a reference to the comic book I wrote and drew in my late teens called Arrogance because nobody would get that reference. But, like Ardra and Jesus and Mit, I had a character who represented himself as the prophesied Messiah. Seriously though, who can trust a Messiah that was spoken about in prophecy?! Prophecy isn't a predictor of future events; it's a blueprint for some con man to come through town pretending to be a God and/or selling pool tables. I should scan in my comic books some time! I think it went five issues (at, like, five pages per issue!) and the later issues are really inspired by Jaka's Story: lots of text next to one or two large static images per page.

Ha ha! He's an ablino so he's easily mistaken for a statue!

Realizing the guards are onto them, Elrod rushes off to find Cerebus and drag him away. But instead he finds Mit in his costume and hauls him off. Cerebus finds his treasure and realizes Elrod has wandered off which can only mean that everything is going to become chaos at any second. Cerebus, Elrod, and Mit engage in a slapstick pursuit reminiscent of any old television program that would make you think of a slapstick pursuit. Maybe Scooby Doo or one of the Abbott and Costello movies. It eventually ends with everybody running for their lives and Cerebus discovering the pit of the Black Sun Temple's god. Spoiler: the god is a giant spider. That wasn't really a spoiler because this issue begins with this image:

The old comic standby of starting the story in the middle for one page and then preceding immediately to the beginning and telling the story linearly. I don't think Dave ever did this again because remember how this issue freed him from copying styles and tropes?!

Hey, remember that horse? Let's look at it some more. Oh yeah. Hey girl. I've got a carrot for you. Cerebus is finally defeated by a combatant this issue. Sure, it's a giant spider whose web Cerebus fell into while also losing his sword. As a reader, I'll allow Cerebus to lose a fight when the conditions are stacked so high against him. The only reason Cerebus survives is because Cerebus has no soul which causes the sacrificial Black Sun ceremony to disintegrate into chaos. The spider, finding no nourishment in the sacrifice, falls deeper into the pit as the temple crumbles and explodes around Cerebus. He's flung far out into the desert, mostly unharmed from the violence. But his treasure and his sword are lost. I hope that sword wasn't important to his becoming the Messiah! I suppose it's okay because he still has his three medallion necklace! With Mit's people and religion destroyed, he decides to become Elrod's sidekick for awhile. I don't remember if he ever turns up again; I'm guessing this was his only appearance. In this month's Aardvark Comment, a writer grades the art of Cerebus as an "A" and the writing as an "A+" so I'm just using that as my rating. Why should I waste my time doing redundant work?! At the end of the original issue, there was an ad for a hand-sewn Cerebus plush toy. That means that a non-zero number of Cerebus plush toys have been fucked in this reality. Eddie Campbell wrote a one page comic for this issue called "Great Wasters from History Not Counting Dave Sim." This was about a guy named Jack Mytton who lived from 1796 to 1834. I could look up who he was but that would defeat the purpose of Eddie Campbell telling me who he was in Eddie's comic! If you're interested in learning about Mr. Mytton yourself, I highly recommend researching him. He was a rich drunkard who did a bunch of crazy shit and then eventually died in pauper's prison. He sounded like a fun guy to be the friend of a friend of! Cerebus #7 Rating: A and A+, remember?!

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

1 note · View note

tryingthisfangirlthing · 7 years

Note

Teslen + gamer au, reality tv show au (y'know, like The X Factor or Pop Stars or whatevs), high school au. Sam/Jack + supernatural beings au... Oh! And Doctor/Rose + Star Trek au. XD

Okay, I’m putting this all under a cut, because it’s going to get super long and super rambly. I wasn’t kidding about the novel outlines. Oh, and I’m also tagging @viennainspringtime because I feel you might like this. (Yours is coming soon. I have the second AU already done and am working on the first, and yes, they will be long and rambly like these. ;) )

Teslen Gamer AU

Helen is the guild leader, super invested, mains cleric or wizard and probably switches between the two, but has one of every class and knows all of them decently well. Probably tanky cleric because nobody else wants to do it and it needs doing. Her characters’ names are all some variation of the same gamer handle.

Nikola is that guy from a remote country with a crappy connection — or at least that’s what he blames it on when he gets trounced, but half the time his oddball builds and combos actually work, pretty fantastically (the other half of the time he dies nearly immediately. There is no in-between. He is a full glass cannon long-range mage and refuses to ever touch anything else. He’s always up to date on the latest balance tuning and class changes and is constantly fiddling with his build.) He only has one character he really plays, with a lore-conform name and an elaborate in-universe headcanon backstory.

Nikola never actually joins her guild, but she invites him along on raids anyways. All the guild members grumble about it in private, though sometimes his firepower comes in handy, and Helen is a great guild leader otherwise.

Nikola didn’t actually realize Helen was a woman at first, then once he learned started cracking jokes about how, “oh, that explains my deep and lasting attraction to you.” She never takes him seriously, but he doesn’t ask for pictures of her tits so she quite frankly doesn’t care (and sometimes the flirting is fun). He is, of course, dead serious.

They met in a random dungeon run during off-hours (or rather, Helen had a free morning and Nikola was staying up far too late as usual). They synched in a way only gamers will get, and began to hang around at those times when they could in the hopes of catching one another online again. The pick-up groups during off-hours became a Thing for them, teaching newbies how to do it and landing some loot in the process. (Helen gives all the explanations, Nikola is always just like “do this” and then gets annoyed when they don’t do it right and so half the dungeon run is just them bickering back and forth about patience and learning and so forth. “You didn’t have to do this,” from Helen always shuts him right up — because of course he’ll do this just to spend time with Helen but it wouldn’t do to seriously admit that — and she’s learned to use it sparingly because it makes him go all weird.)

Nikola loves to roleplay within the game, but Helen doesn’t. He regales her with tales of character drama, and she vents to him about guild infighting she has to deal with.

There was one half-hearted attempt at roleplay between them, which ended up getting heated. They didn’t have cybersex but that night saw them both incredibly sexually frustrated as they logged off. They don’t talk about it.

Helen’s real-life boyfriend already had issues with her gaming but the time she spends with Nikola is the last straw. There’s a fight, and they break up. Helen doesn’t tell Nikola any of this, because it sits oddly with her and it should really have no bearing on her and Nikola’s relationship.

The guild sets up a voice chat server for raiding. Nikola has a permanent guest pass on it, though he doesn’t use it for raids, claiming it sinks his ping to intolerable levels. Helen *only* uses it for raids. They almost studiously avoid one another on it for the longest time. Helen logged in once to overhear him talking with some of the guild members about mage builds and fell in love with his accent. Nikola desperately wants to hear her voice.

Finally one day during low-pressure routine dungeon runs with a pick-up group, he suggests they talk. A little hesitantly, Helen agrees. Nikola’s holding his breath as she turns on her mic and her voice is perfect because it’s hers.

They end up talking several times a week (in her leader’s private channel), and Helen isn’t sure why she avoided this before (it crosses her mind that her ex might have gotten the right idea after all).

Nikola finally can’t stand not knowing how she feels about him, only him being him, he goes about it all wrong and asks why she spends so much time with him. She’s surprised, a little disappointed, a little offended. He doesn’t have to spend time with her if he doesn’t want and she tells him that, but that she enjoys his company and thought he enjoyed hers.

He can’t help but pry further, why she enjoys his company, why does she like him, how does she like him. When she finally asks him why he’s asking all these obnoxious impossible questions today, he blurts out “I think I’m in love with you.”

She takes it as one of his jokes at first, only he reassures her he’s serious, and she goes quiet.

He fears he’s ruined everything; she tells him she just needs some time to think it over and adjust, but she’s gone for several days. He’s glued to his computer insofar as he can be, hoping against hope she’ll log on again, though he knows she’s told her guild members she’ll be absent for a week, maybe longer.

She’s different when she does come back, a little quieter, wants to talk with him immediately.

She just took her final exams to graduate med school, she tells him, the first she’s really talked about her life outside of nerd culture or the game, besides having mentioned her boyfriend once upon a time when he started flirting. She just took her final exams, and she took them in a fog, because she couldn’t keep him off her mind.

She asks him if he’s serious, if he meant it about being in love with her. Of course he’s serious. He’s told her everything about himself, all his secrets— reassures her it’s all true.

She’s terribly afraid of being toyed with, because this is Nikola and he flirts with almost everyone, men and women alike. He asks what he can do to prove it to her.

She wants him to play a cleric in their next raid, so she can run her mage for once. He does, rolls one and power-levels it in time, even if it’s slightly undergeared. (He’s actually almost as good a cleric as he is a mage.)

They switch off after that, though not without Nikola complaining dramatically every time she makes him go healer.

Helen slowly opens up to him, tells him about her life, about her day. (She did pass her exams.) She finds she relishes it, relaxing with him whenever she can, letting down the wall between hobby and “real life” a little.

He doesn’t make any grand declarations again, doesn’t dare ask what they are or if that was enough or anything like that. More than friends, hopefully, but he doesn’t know what.

Helen is the one who asks. “It feels so middle school to ask if you want to be my boyfriend, but — do you?”

Of course he does, and he asks her how there could be any doubt. She doesn’t have a good answer for that.

They talk a bit, about long distance and visits and seeing how it goes. Absolutely no one in the guild is surprised when it comes out they’re dating — in lieu of RL dating Nikola takes her to scenic out-of-the way places in the game, and spends time with her there. (And teases her in chat whispers, loving how her breathing changes and dreaming of the day he can say these things in person and see the look on her face. She admits he’s good at dirty talk. He looks forward to honing that skill.)

Teslen Reality TV show AU

Nikola’s here as part of his own little experiment, the study of applied psychology to game the system of shows like this (though of course he comes up with some bullshit about dreams for the camera). He’s not in it for the prize itself (though of course he hopes to get it nonetheless). He picked a modelling competition because it relies on the looks he knows he has — he can’t sing for shit.

Helen is skeptical, but figures she might as well give it a shot — she has nothing to lose, and someone has to win. And she knows she looks good.

Everyone is surprised Helen is working her way through med school, because, what? She’s so done with the “dumb blonde” stereotypes and finally dyes her hair brown and goes for the “smoky mystique” angle. Nikola is blown away.

Nikola wears everything like it was made especially for him, and needs almost no tutoring on anything. He’s almost disqualified from the amateur competition due to prior experience, but they can’t come up with any proof of that. (Basically, he’s just naturally that showoffy and Extra.)

Nikola is both intrigued by Helen and disgruntled at the serious competition. Yet they gravitate towards one another as the two keenest minds in the place.

The candid camera picks up some of their shared scorn at the competition, which does not make them popular with the other competitors or the judges.

The public loves them, and their push-pull frenemies dynamic becomes the biggest draw for the show. Nikola is fascinated by this new development in his socio-psychological study. Helen is happy about anything that will give her an edge.

With great difficulty, Nikola does not flirt, because he doesn’t want to give Helen or anyone else any edge over him, any way to distract him any more than he already is. (He worried he was going to have a heart attack when she walked out in that slip of a bikini.)

As finals draw closer they decide to pair up the remaining male and female models for a shoot. Of course Nikola and Helen are paired up. He tries to stay professional for the camera, but something in her eyes and her breathing when he has his hands on her skin…

Immediately after they wrap she drags him to the closest dark corner and shoves him up against the wall and kisses him senseless. They just make it back to her dressing room before he lays her out on her couch and makes love to her. It’s fast and messy and desperate and they just lie together afterwards, awkward and wordless, until he kisses her on the cheek and leaves.

Somehow their liaison is the one thing the cameras don’t catch.

(Everyone, judges and viewers alike, agree their shoot was effortlessly sensual — the others look flat in comparison.)

They avoid each other for the next week. Speculation, public and private, runs rampant that something must have happened between the two of them. But after a week it’s back to normal between the two of them. (Nikola isn’t sure whether to be relieved she’s speaking to him again, or crushed that it seems to have meant nothing.)

Helen really appreciates his ability to drop it, though she hates the long psycho-analyzing glances he shoots her (and she knows he has some ulterior motive in all this than just a winning a modelling contract, though she doesn’t know what). She just wants her friend back (because he’s the only thing that really made this entire thing bearable). (And if she relives certain memories sometimes late at night, that’s nobody’s business.)

The finals come down to the pair of them, of course. Everyone wants to see what happens when these two are really and truly pitted against one another, and the interviewers play off of that, onstage, before the big moment.

Helen never really expected to get this far, and she has a few offers of modeling contracts that will get her what she needs to get the rest of the way through medical school easily.

So she looks around at the audience, turns to Nikola, and kisses him, full-on, in front of everyone. Then she walks off the stage.

Everyone (including Nikola himself) is shell-shocked.

Nikola runs after her, once he’s come back to his senses, and cameras show them kissing in the wings, him edging her back against a wall as she wraps her arms around his neck. (The cameras cut out after that, because they have a rating to keep.)

Helen is actually declared the winner, much to her surprise, but she declines the contract (she has a hell of a lot more lucrative ones coming in after that little stunt she pulled, because it got everyone’s attention).

Nikola is also offered the prize, but he refuses as well. Studio executives are left scratching their heads. Finally it goes to one Kate Freelander, third runner-up, who uses it to help get her family out of debt and into a better life.

Nikola’s study is interesting, to say the least. It certainly doesn’t fly scientifically, but he’s not too bothered about it. The story does become a best-selling book (though that part about her dressing room will always be their secret. Sometimes, Helen likes to keep it fresh in her mind, on the living room couch, and he’s happy to oblige).

They move in together, and everyone speculates about a proposal, though none is forthcoming and the gossip slowly dies down. Helen only models when she chooses — her real passion is medicine and Nikola is happy to support that. They coauthor several scientific articles on the relationship between physical and mental health, something they’re far more proud of than that bestselling book that generates most of their income.

Nikola shakes his head when they want to make a TV movie out of the story, but Helen is far more practical about it, and sells the rights with the provision Nikola have creative oversight.

Teslen High School AU (Okay, this ended up being a high school-slash-college AU. :P)

There’s an unofficial betting pool on who will become valedictorian (between Helen, Nikola, and James), with both teachers and students in on it. They both know about it. (Helen bets on herself. Nikola doesn’t bet, because he couldn’t decide whether to bet for himself or Helen. James bets on them both.)

Helen is a cheerleader. Nikola being a teenager, he constantly jokes about her flexibility. She regularly punches him for it.

They bonded instantly. Everyone used to tease them about being boyfriend and girlfriend. Helen always laughed it off, and people eventually accepted they were just friends. Problem is, Nikola’s been head over heels for her since that first ninth grade chemistry class.

Helen is chair of the science club and has special access privilege to the lab rooms. Nikola meanwhile is nearly been banned from all use of chemicals or physics apparatus no less than three times a year, and never allowed near them without supervision (not since The Explosion, as everyone calls it, with capital letters). Helen lets him into the lab after hours, but supervises him herself because anything that goes wrong will be on her. (It’s still gone wrong a couple times, but they’ve managed to cover it up so far. And sometimes it’s her fault, too.)

Nikola is head of the mathletes. He and Helen compete to see whose club wins the most competitions and awards in a year.

Helen has a brief thing with a senior in their sophomore year. She ended it after six months, and swore off guys until she was done with school.

Nikola privately hates that he wasn’t her first kiss (and maybe not another first of hers, but he refuses to think about that).

Nikola is a year younger than everyone else, because he skipped a grade in elementary school.

Helen was homeschooled by her father up until high school. Half the material taught she already knows.

It is Known that, after things ended with John, either Nikola or James will take Helen to dances.

Nikola always, always asks first. (Nigel “keeps James away” until Nikola texts she’s accepted, and James lets himself be kept away.)

Nikola pretends it’s a friends thing. He thinks Helen believes him. (She’s not quite sure she does.)

Helen thinks he’s cute, but immature.

He asks, hesitantly, at graduation, if they’ll stay in touch during college. She asks, incredulously, if there’s any reason he thinks they wouldn’t. He shrugs, mutters that no, there isn’t a reason, and beams all through the ceremony (even though she and James end up tying for valedictorian, because Nikola just couldn’t always be arsed to do his homework).

They do keep in touch, frequently actually. Helen’s college friends tease her about her handsome long-distance boyfriend. She gives up trying to correct them.

He visits her, once. Hearing she’s talked about him thrills him, though he never says it.

He sleeps on her couch, and one night a bottle of wine turns it into both of them sleeping on her couch. There’s no convincing her flatmates they haven’t slept together.

That’s not the only time he visits her, or she him. She’s pleasantly surprised by how he’s matured. College is good to him.

He isn’t her first, but she’s his.

They talk about it later, about not letting it ruin their friendship, about how she doesn’t want a relationship right now.

He’s crushed, until she kisses him and says maybe in a few years.

(She specifically applies for medical residences near his research lab.)

Sam/Jack Supernatural Beings AU (This is a complete mess, okay? It was originally going to be something that veered into Arthurian legend but I didn’t like that version so much. But anyways don’t expect coherent lore here.)

Jack is a guardian angel who lost his charge. He blames himself badly and is sentenced to live as a human for a lifetime.

He’s made the uncle and guardian of the orphaned boy he lost, and sees it as a chance to redeem himself, another chance to save him. But no matter what he tries, the march of time seems immutable, most things so far happening just as they did before.

Sam and Daniel are fae, brother and sister, in possession of powerful magic.

Daniel is fascinated with humans and is especially good at seduction (and oftentimes is just a huge unconscious flirt). Sam is just a pure mischievous mage-scientist, at least until she meets Jack.

Daniel drags Sam along with him on his jaunts among the humans. It’s frowned upon by the fae elders, because falling in love with a human changes a fae, causes them to become bound to that person, and they lose their magic and all connection to the fae world, essentially becoming human, until the person dies. (And often the fae becomes so bound to the fragile human that they end up dying too.)

Sam asks Daniel why he likes humans so much, if his wife and then watching her die was really worth it. He tells her it’s not the kind of thing you can explain to someone else unless you’ve experienced it for yourself.

Sam usually takes more interest in the humans’ crude physical devices than in people, but there’s something about Jack that fascinates her.

Jack is a miller, and he explains all the workings of it to her. He finds it strange that she doesn’t seem to have any experience with what is an everyday thing for most people.

She immediately has suggestions on how to improve it, some of them good, some of them (to his human sense of logic) nonsensical (because she forgets humans only have very limited access to magic).

Fae and angels usually have limited to no contact, and their magic is very different. Heaven and the Seelie Court leave one another well enough alone, and they’re both quite happy that way. (Hence why he doesn’t realize she’s fae, and she doesn’t realize he’s angel.)

For the first time Sam understands Daniel’s fascination with humans, she tells him. He watches her and Jack bond, a little eagerly but also a little worriedly.

Jack’s kid loves her and is fascinated with the little tricks and illusions she creates for him. Jack doesn’t take Sam seriously when she answers that she does it by magic (even though he can’t find another explanation for it).

Jack can’t find her at the inn she said she was staying at, when he wanted to see her; but that evening she shows up at his door without fail.

She shrugs and evades his answers, asking why he was looking for her in the first place.

The change never happens all at once. It’s gradual, just like falling in love is.

Sam notices one day that she can’t perform some of the more complicated spells anymore. She bites her lip and tells no one, but Daniel guesses.

Sam spends more and more time at the mill, offering to help him grind grain, free of charge. He’s puzzled at the offer, but sees no reason to refuse. He’s happy to spend more time with her, though she’s still sometimes infuriatingly adept at evading his questions.

When he confronts her, she asks him whether or not all of those particulars are really so important, and he’s forced to admit they aren’t, not right now.

She finally blurts out that she wonders what kissing is like. He finds it difficult to believe she’s never been kissed. She insists. He’s happy to show her (and kissing ends up turning into a lot more, up against the wall, at her insistence. She asks, at the end, jokingly because she does know how sex works, whether all of that was just kissing. He laughs and kisses her again.)

Even the huge addition of the guardian courting someone (more or less — he wants to but they haven’t talked about it, never mind angels not exactly being encouraged to marry) doesn’t seem to change the boy’s path. Jack becomes more and more distracted as the day of the accident approaches.

Sam notices, and finally pries something of his worry out of him, a “bad premonition.” She offers to put a ward on the boy (one of the few spells she can still pull off nowadays). He finally realizes she wasn’t kidding about magic, and feels entirely betrayed, throwing her out of the house, calling her a witch.

She shows up at Daniel’s door battered and bruised, because the physical reflects the state of a fae’s heart. He lets her in without a word, and holds her while she cries.

When she’s done, she asks him if humans can foretell the future. He mentions Sha’re used to get “premonitions” sometimes that were usually true. Sam decides she still has to try to save the boy.

With misgivings, Daniel lets her go.

Jack has kept the boy out of the mill, preventing the original accident, and is relieved, for a short while, until he realizes he doesn’t feel redeemed, only unsettled. He calls for the boy, but can’t find him.

Sam finds him, in the middle of the road with a cart barreling towards him, and does the only thing she can do in that moment — shoves him out of the way and is hit herself.

Jack, hunting for the boy, finds the pair of them, the boy shell-shocked, the driver regretful — they came out of nowhere! — and Sam seriously injured.

She refuses to see a doctor, even more vehemently refuses to have the priest fetched for the Last Rites, because they’ll both know what she is — even if she doubts she’s much fae at all now.

When she passes out, Jack carries her back to the mill and fetches the village midwife.

Janet regards him shrewdly, but doesn’t say anything, and works on helping Sam.

Daniel visits, once, asking after his sister, and leaves a small fae healing charm by her bedside, to help the remnant of her fae self.

Janet starts when she sees this the next time she visits, but she doesn’t say anything, not until Jack asks her what’s startled her. She’s surprised he doesn’t know his… lover… is fae. (He begins to insist they’re not lovers, then thinks the better of it. Janet tosses him a “damn right” glance but simply remarks that Sam must certainly love him.)

(Jack tells the boy to stay at Sam’s bedside, both to keep a watch on her and to keep the boy safe while he has to run the mill.)

Sam finally wakes up. She wants to talk with Jack, about why he saved her, but he tells her to just focus on getting better. It frustrates her.

(Daniel bumps into Janet on his second visit, after she’s awoken. Janet sees through his glamour at once, which startles both of them. He offers her a grateful smile as he passes, no charm intended, and she ducks her head and flushes a little.)

Janet and Sam have a long talk about the situation. Sam swears Janet to secrecy.

Sam and Jack finally sit down and talk. She admits she’s a fae, or was, and that she’s in love with him. He’s over the moon, nearly forgetting to mention the part where he used to be an angel. She’s startled, but they decide to see how it goes.

They want to get married, but the priest has trouble saying the words to witness it properly (because supernatural beings he really really has no authority over). They try to help him and eventually they all stumble through.

Jack, and Sam once she’s better (something that happens very quickly once she hears he feels the same for her), are constantly rescuing a very very accident-prone boy. It takes several weeks for Death (probably Maybourne xD) to realize he isn’t supposed to get him right now, and stop trying. (Jack suddenly realizes he’s beginning to regain his angelic sight, and runs to look at Sam. She practically shimmers for him, and he tells her right then and there how beautiful she is.)

Daniel falls for Janet, and the pairs are the best of friends until Janet dies and Daniel moves back home among the fae.

Sam and Jack watch the kid grow up and move away, and when he finally dies of old age they both return to their original forms. Heaven and the Seelie Court are a bit flabbergasted, but somewhat awkwardly and incredibly formally arrange a joint ceremony. Neither society really wants them in it, but they won’t be outdone by the other so they both invite the pair to join them. Sam and Jack respectfully decline, and decide to use glamour to live among humans again.

Doctor/Rose Star Trek AU (This is the only one that even approaches headcanon status, and is a bit more of a fusion. It’s still long and rambly. :P)

They all call him “the captain,” or just “Captain,” even the admirals. (Nobody’s sure anyone else actually knows his name. Surely he has a file somewhere, but nobody working under him has ever found it. They whisper about top secret something or other, but he doesn’t look at all like the black ops type, and gets offended if you mention it to him.)

He’s a human. No other species has that “hold my beer, I’ve got this” recklessness.

His ship is confusing as hell, both from an engineering and layout standpoint. It’s an older model, overhauled and upgraded to meet current Starfleet standards.

The running joke is that something about the warp core has created a localized spatial anomaly that randomly moves the corridors and rooms. Older crew members swear it isn’t true, but to every cadet first setting foot on the vessel it certainly seems like the case.

You’ll more often than not find the Captain in Engineering, instead of on the bridge or in his ready room. He claims it relaxes him.

The official head of engineering has learned to roll with it, and has taken to programming holonovels in their unexpected spare time. (The ship is known for having the best assortment of holoentertainment in the galaxy.)

The only really permanent member of his crew is one Rose Tyler. Half-human, half-betazoid, head of operations on the ship, even the official first officers know to defer to her when it comes to decoding his occasionally cryptic orders, or ascertaining what he would want done in his absence.

(People constantly question why she isn’t his first officer. She lifts one shoulder and says she supposes he needed a good chief of operations more than he needed a good first officer. Nobody’s ever quite sure how to respond to that.)

People who’ve never been on the ship assume from hearing about the pair that he’s in a covert relationship with his subordinate. Crew members will swear that’s not the case. (And if they notice a moment or two of pining on Rose’s part, they never breathe a word.)

Rumor has it his favorite holoprograms involve him being a woman. Rose, the only person he’s ever shared any of his personal holoprograms with, remains steadfastly tight-lipped about it. (But she’s grateful for the holodeck’s soundproofing and privacy controls.)

He despises visits to the infirmary, and tries to avoid them at all costs, going so far as to hide various medical supplies in his quarters. Without fail, Rose finds out, and sends him to medical for a check-up. The ship’s doctor tries not to take it personally.

Rose, by virtue of her betazoid half, can sense others’ emotions most of the time, and is often the first to offer a shoulder or a hot cup of tea. She’s made herself popular around the ship just by virtue of being her, and even if some of the crew don’t necessarily care for their eccentric captain, they care for her.

She refuses to be made into an unofficial ship’s counselor, though. She has a job, and she’s here to do that, and anything else is at her discretion.

Every new chief of security has a short, personal meeting with the captain in his ready room. If there is danger, they are to protect Rose first, and they are not to tell her of this order.

Rose is always waiting for them when they come out of that meeting, with a short, “I know what he said. Just ignore it. Do your job: protect the captain first.”

The poor confused chief of security is shot pitying looks by the entire bridge crew.

The captain always calls the ship his Tardis, though no one knows what he means by that. He claims it’s a nickname based on a famous fictional ship in human history, one that could do anything.

Only a select few human history scholars specializing in popular culture and entertainment have any idea what he’s talking about. Most people just shrug and move on.

Few Vulcans last long on his ship, citing “illogicity and disorder” as their reasons for requesting a transfer.

There have been one or two investigations into conduct aboard the ship, but nothing ever seems to come out of it.

The captain has thrown himself in front of phaser fire for Rose once or twice. The ship’s doctor eagerly described the loud, furious dressing-down Rose gave him once they’d been left alone in the room. The doctor returned in time to hear his response: “The ship can run fine without me — but I — not without you.”

They don’t have a row, but for a day or two it’s all stiff glances and meaningful looks the rest of the crew can’t decipher.

Not long after that, Rose is offered a position on the command track and the prospect of captaincy of her own ship. The crew congratulates her, and says this has been a long time coming. She quietly turns it down.

A few days later, he calls her to his ready room and asks why. She wasn’t aware he knew. (Of course he did; he was the one who put her in for it.)

She asks if he wants to be rid if her. Of course he doesn’t, but he thinks she deserves better than being stuck as his chief of ops for the rest of her career. She already basically runs the ship; he just tinkers and does stupid heroic stuff every once in a while, and everyone knows it.

“Yeah, and who’d run your ship for you if I was gone?”

“You want to stay with me?” He doesn’t understand it, but when she says yes he beams.

They quietly (unofficially) start sharing a cabin. No one says anything.

He finally does convince her to accept a position as his first officer, though.

#tinknevertalks #viennainspringtime #teslen #sam/jack #doctor x rose #rinari responds #rinari's headcanons #long post

35 notes · View notes

sweetsunrayssr · 7 years

Text

Cameron’s Pilgrim

Spoiler warning S4 Halt and Catch Fire, until 4X05

I’ve read recaps and comments about Cameron’s choices , words and actions, and I would like to contrast it with my understanding of what 4x05 “Nowhere Man” revealed.

The first half of S4 we are kept much in the dark about what’s going on with Cameron. We just mostly know how it appears to Joe, Bos and Gordon. Joe thinks she’s searching for something out there, to reinvent herself. Gordon - the outdoor man who loves camping - calls it 2 giants living on a timble. Bos jokes about space bikes. Nobody takes it seriously, just like Donna didn’t take Cam seriously and thought of her as an impulsive child in S3, but it turned out that junior had married, bought a house and had worked on a better solution than credit cards even. And the reveal about Cam’s game Pilgrim in 4x05 suggests that Cam knows why she bought the land, the airstream and why she wants Joe to make love to her there. Cameron is the sole person who is not “searching”. Instead, she wants her loved ones and especially Joe to find and understand her. If Joe was the mystery man throughout the seasons, Cameron was the mystery woman.

From her conversation with Bos in S1, we know that Cameron always had communication issues, especially when it involves her feelings. It’s not something she will just grow out of. Discovering the program language Basic helped her find a language to communicate. She’s a coder and thus her language, communication and actions are coded. More, especially the S1 episode where she pitches her OS idea to Joe as wanting to make people fall in love with the machine, while holding a toy up, it becomes rapidly clear that toys and games are her tools of connection and communication. It is how she reaches out to people and reveals something about herself.

Cameron is at odds with Gordon for 2 seasons, until they start to play Nintendo together.

Bos rarely understands her games, but he tries (love that moment when he asks the coder monkeys to help him get out of the damned cave), and he knows the games she develops tend to be about her.

Donna and Cameron have a stellar working-friend relationship, but the misunderstandings begin to heap up once Donna’s chat pushes Cameron’s games out of Mutiny, until eventually Donna pushes Cameron herself out of Mutiny.

Her relationship with Tom hits off while they play a physical shooter game and work together on making a virtual/digital version of it.

The particular scene where she pitches the OS idea to Joe while holding the puppet in S1 is Cameron actually revealing that she wants to make him fall in love with her, or how she can fall in love with him.

Joe is rewarded with a passionate night with her at Comdex 90 (and unbeknownst to him at the time her heart), when he figured out the lighter game.

When viewers and her friends and lover regard her airstream as a childish game, they not only sell her short, but expect Cameron to just grow out of her communication handicap. She will always need these tools. She is not immature, or lost to herself. She is trying to show and communicate something. Her heartbreak and disappointment over nobody figuring out her message via her Pilgrim game, not even Joe, is not so much about professional failure but her failure to communicate her soul, heart and vision adequately. Cecil commenting that not even he can explain her coding work to connect his rudimentary code to her solution and it is at another level entirely emphasizes this.

Her isolation in the airstream is a physical manifestation of Cameron’s communicative isolation. But it does not mean she has stopped trying to communicate the same message she put into Pilgrim. Instead of making a “new digital game”, she uses an entirely different medium: Cameron uses material tools and physically tangible items. So, when Joe told her to move on from the Pilgrim failure and make a new game out of nothing, Cameron actually took his advice. She just did it with real world items, like a builder, which is quite unprecedented for her, way out of her comfort zone.

And she picked these new tools for Joe. He took the step in S3 to learn BASIC code, telling her that even if he might never be great at it, he is not unteachable. He loves HTTP and HTML because it’s such an elegant, simple code that almost anyone can learn and use to make something out of nothing.

Joe’s personal coding of expressing himself isn’t programming code though, but metaphors: the browser is a stadium or a doorway and HTTP is the roseta stone.

Simple, real world, physical items. He is a physical guy:

swinging bats to hit for the fences and breaking the bat when he feels betrayed by his father.

Hitting a car with a sledge hammer to turn her on and show her he’s a prime specimen in great shape

Using a low voltage live current to turn her on

Using torches to shoot for the stars and dispel a hurricane

Immolating a shipment of empty, soulless portable computers (after Gordon tried to compliment Joe that the Giant was like him)

He wins her heart with lighters

He betrays his passion, his love and need for her at Comdex 90 in a very physical way

He waits for her for years in a basement, where they used to have sex

Her message hasn’t changed. She’s very much trying to use Joe’s metaphorical language, initially in Pilgrim, because she was 5000 miles away from him, and when that fails she uses the physical world to show him those metaphors. Pilgrim and the airstream are Cameron’s mixtape for Joe.

Let us look at the evidence of my claims above, and I’ll start with Pilgrim and what Donna discovers about it:

Joe says he was once on TV as a “pilgrim” over the phone reconnection. And thus overall Joe is the intended “pilgrim” in Cameron’s game.

The pilgrim is a blue man. Joe started out at IBM, called Big Blue, and IBM men usually wore blue suits.

Donna clicks the “key” item in the menu when she starts the game. In other words, the path and the discovery is a crucial “key” to understanding the game and consequentially Cameron.

The avatar reaches an area with what looks like flames in the air. I’ve read recaps and reviews who think those orange-brown things flying in the air are broken pieces of the puzzle, but I’ve watched every previous image of the game and it has nothing to do with the puzzle. I think the things flying in the air that the avatar eventually climbs are meant to be “flames”. In other words, they are a different version of the lighters that Joe and Cameron play around with at Comdex 90 where their relationship and passion was “rekindled”.

Gordon is feeding his journals to the flames

PJ Harvey’s lyrics

The series title “Halt and Catch Fire”

The avatar hits some type of invisible “airstream”, taking it off balance.

The avatar must climb upwards into the sky or towards the stars where the airstream and flames were, not walk forward towards a future which is just another crappy version of the present to Cam.

There’s a flash of light and the pilgrim reappears at this empty space of light (star level). Only Joe’s arc has had a similar scene happening in S3, what I think of as a “rebirth” scene.

We see a shooting star landing on an island or continent with a 2D image of the avatar stamped on it. This is the place where the pilgrim gets to actually play the game. And it is highly likely related to the Shangri-La (magical land) concept that Joe wrote a letter about to both Gordon and Cameron. Only Gordon confirmed in S2 that he read the letter. Cam refrained to answer Joe about it. The map and land though suggests that Cameron read the letter.

Then 8 crystals or starlight emanating shards appear (”jewels”). Each acts as a “doorway” to a partition of the island/continent, and immediately transports (like Star Trek) the avatar into that piece of the map. Cameron called the airstream a “jewel” to sweep Joe off his feet into a magical land.

The doorway that Donna chose to transport with landed her in the SW of the island, and a Japanese winter garden with a shrine in the middle of Tokyo (you can see dark skyscrapers in the background), emanating warm welcoming light and surrounding torches. The only person Cameron mentioned a shrine in a spiritual sense to was Joe.

Cameron herself says it’s not just a game you play, but a game you live.

All evidence points to the pilgrim meant to be Joe, rather than Cameron. The island and continent represents Cameron herself. Unlike what some reviewers claim, Cameron doesn’t need to be put together or fixed, since the continent is whole already. What she needs and desires is for her pilgrim to explore her completely. And her comment about the game being something you live suggests the game is meant to represent life or a lifetime exploration. In a romantic sense Pilgrim is Cam’s proposal to Joe, not unlike Gordon’s decoder engagement ring for Donna.

There is the addition that even if the pilgrim misses the clue to climb the flames, but instead stays on ground zero, getting himself distracted by picking up treasures and completing puzzles, he gets transported back to the beginning, to try again and find the airstream of flames. Cameron drops that hint to Joe when he calls her up about the game. If this is about Joe, as I claim it is, then Cameron is trying to say she’ll wait for him until he figures it out. She’s not going anyplace else.

At an instinctual level, Joe does get that the game Pilgrim is a means of connection between them. He plays it and calls her up when he gets sent back to the “start”. And when she mentions how beautiful the moon is in San Jose, Joe looks at the Pilgrim avatar on his screen and decides to spend the night with her in San Jose. He understood the indirect invitation then.

But nobody gets the game and it gets pulled from publication. Cam says dejected that even Joe doesn’t like her game, while he reassures her he hasn’t finished the game yet. As he then also advises her to “move on” and keep making other games, she retreats to be by herself. If of course, the game represents the lifetime she imagines for herself with Joe, he unwittingly disappoints her by mentioning “finishing the game” and “moving on”. What we have here thematically is “lost in translation”, which is of course a book and movie set in Japan. Joe assumes things about her and the game that are erroneous, including the belief she forgot and stopped caring about them while making this game, as he claims during his camping with Gordon in the season opener. Notice how that tent is beautifully lit in the darkness like a beacon in that camping scene, and just a material iteration of the warmly lit shrine in the Japanese garden in Pilgrim in 4x05.

After playing “doom” and Gordon telling her that the purpose of the game “is not to get killed”, she returns and “unpacks” by throwing her Japanese past with Tom in the bins, doing what Joe asked her to do, but in her own way. And after that she buys the bike, messes around with hardware, rides around the country. Gordon and Bos later make the link to it being a materialization of the “space bike”. Space Bike was a game about Cameron’s values and talents: she can make herself big or small, befitting the environment (proportion), sense of humor, sense of self, decency and the latter leads to common sense. But the bad-ass chick on the Space Bike is homeless and unbound, forever traveling from one planet to the next, only requiring drinks and a shower. Instead of doing it virtually, Cameron now tries to materialize this.

While she rides her Space Bike she discovers a plot of beautiful land with a sign that says “If you lived here you’d be home now”. And come on, it’s a very beautiful piece of land in that discovery shot, has a fairytale or magical quality to it. And the sign has three key words: live, home, and now (instead of the future). Whatever she eventually would end up building there for a house, it has the ideal potential to be whatever Joe and Cam could want it to be. Think of the scene between Joe and Ryan in S3 in the basement of Macmillan Utility where Joe intends to set up the local network connected to NSFNET. So, she buys the land, but instead of hiring an architect and immediately get contractors to build something on it, she pretty much leaves it in its ideal state of a blank slate full of potential. Is that wrong? Of course not. She shouldn’t be deciding what the permanent form ought to be by herself. Joe should be part of its creation, so that their mutual vision can be part of the walls and lay-out. On top of that, even if Joe has asked her to move in with him, she’s still not officially divorced and they haven’t discussed the form of their relationship, nor said “I love you.”

It’s actually surprising a little that Joe doesn’t totally get that or hates it out there. He did hike up to the Observatory in Texas once via scenic route at the end of S1 a decade before that, walking into Sarah’s life. He’s a stargazer, right? And yet at the start of S4 he can’t see the moon from his home, blocked by a hill. Also, with that wool sweater and her long auburn hair in this phase of S4, Cam reminds somewhat of Sarah.

Anyway, instead of building a house all by herself on the plot, Cam buys the airstream. To the owner who sells it to her, with Joe standing right there, Cam explains it’s a temporary solution, before something “permanent” can be “built” there. We are introduced to the onthologist in the same episode who stipulates how one word can have different meanings, using “bark” as an example. The word “airstream” can be an airstream trailer, but it is also a change in the air caused by heat as it does in the game Pilgrim. Cam reveals she used to play in the airstream with her friend in her youth, and Joe asks her what she’d play in it then. “Airstream,” she answers. Here is Cam’s second hint to Joe how he can play the Pilgrim game. Oh, and she calls it “perfect”, which was the word of understanding between Joe and Ryan.

As they try the bed out, Joe asks her why she wants him to consider the AOL money. And she replies it would give him more time spend time with her, mentions “human touch”. He asks her whether the long trailer means she’s moving out, to which she immediately replies, “No,” and clarifies, “She’s trying to buy this jewel to sweep him away to a magical land”. This is her third game hint: the jewels, sweeping him into the air, and a magical land.

She takes the trailer out there, builds a hearth and puts up some lights in the air that have the form of “flames”. This is Cam’s 4th hint. Watch her face of disappointment when neither Bos, Gordon or Joe take much notice of it.

These are not just all hints. They are her material recreation of Pilgrim. And here follows the clue that Pilgrim was created for Joe and her fantasy of the two of them while stuck, isolated in a doomed marriage at the other side of the world: she’s all happy when Joe promises he wouldn’t want to miss out on his first night with her in that honeymoon bed, but she is near to tears when Joe fell asleep on her.

Instead of Joe actually visiting the airstream to find her and be with her there, even if just for a night and make love to her there, we’ve seen two other character seek her out at the airstream: Bos and Tom. Bos goes out there to help her out with her plumbing and tells her he’s proud of her getting out of her comfort zone. She discovers his compass, and he reveals his money trouble, and she is the sole person who helps him out, on the condition it’s a one-time gift. Tom goes out there to get the divorce papers signed, gifts her the solution to the noise mystery in their apartment back in Japan and she apologizes to him for the pain she put him through and says her goodbye to him.

So, Joe… Why is he blind and tonedeaf to what she’s actually trying to do out there in her “space trailer”. Basically he’s doing the same thing the Japanese did with their shrine – rebuilding the original process.

Team up with Gordon and bring Cameron into the business

Connect with Cameron in the basement, which in the past was the first location both in the bar and at Cardiff where they had their first sexual encounters. It’s where he waits for her for 4 years. The basement at Westgroup is also where he had the time-sharing idea, to then team-up with Gordon and eventually have a “hands-on” business relationship with Mutiny and Cameron. The number of first downloads of the bugged browser “loadstar” is after all 69, which is a quite famous number for sexual position.

Give her a key to his apartment to come over whenever she wants and needs to

We as viewers can empathize with Joe trying to recreate the environment and circumstances that brought them together originally as well as how frustrating it is for him to have Cameron refuse to step into business with him, while she shares his bed. Joe Macmillan isn’t the manipulative cutthroat anymore that he was in S1 and so he naturally believes that if he works with Cameron this time, now that they have reconnected, they could pull it off. His work is his life and he wants and hopes to include Cameron in that. He tangibly looks forward to working with her again, since the S3 finale. She’s his muse after all.

But she steadfastly refuses this, and Joe clearly doesn’t know what to do with it. For a big part that is because this is how he goes about it with anyone he connects with and can be himself, by working with them – Simon, Gordon, Cameron, Haley. He even tries that angle with Joanie. It’s so fundamental to him to have a working relationship with the people he admires or tries to include, that he expresses how clueless he is where his relationship with Cam is going to Gordon, in a subtextual manner in 4x05. He asked her to help him with Comet, she refused and fled to the airstream, he smashes the wok, goes all S1 Joe on Gordon the next day until Gordon orders him to take a fresh breath of air. Then when he comes back with a newly bought wok (while Cam is opening a box with a wok she bought too), Gordon mentions that Cam is on the phone line. Joe says he doesn’t even know which problem he’s trying to solve. How he was in the basement for 3 years (aka waiting for Cam to choose him over Tom and come back into his life), he finally has his arms around “it” (Cam again), but now he can’t see it anymore. As Gordon asks Joe whether they’re talking about the future here again, Joe says he should call Cam again. Gordon then asks him about whether Joe saw this (Comet) ten years ago in Gordon’s garage. To which Joe explains it was not about where it would end up, but knowing the feeling of working together. He could envision how it would feel to work with Gordon, and we can infer how Joe envisioned that working with Cam would turn him on completely. He does not know what it would be like to share a life with Cam without working together. That is why he says he has been beyond patient with her. He’s been waiting for her to show up at Comet one day and agree to be part of the team, and to prove to her she can trust him as a business partner.

Meanwhile he’s also insecure and unsure about Tom. His gut always told him to never regard Tom as a true rival to the intensity that Joe and Cam had even when separated in S2, nor in S3. Where Joe is a grown man, Tom looks like a kid, and conservative to boot too. He very much regarded Tom as Cam’s mistake like he mistakenly sought a replacement in Sarah, and the night at Comdex 90 and the www project would make her see “the light”. But it didn’t turn out as he expected it would. Cam did the decent thing – stick to the marriage - with the man he believes is wrong for her. We can see how afraid he is of what she wants to tell him that is so urgent she asked him to pull over the car, when she reveals she saw Tom that day. Joe sags his head and closes his eyes. It’s as if he fears that Tom and her reconciled. After all, Cam stuck with Tom outwardly in the way Sarah didn’t stick with Joe. The “facts” seem to prove to Joe that his gut was wrong about it all.

Basically, Joe is afraid to lose her and too afraid to upset her or have an actual fight with her. And when that first fight occurred, he doesn’t know what will come next.

But none of the facts are what they seem. It turns out that his gut about Cameron’s feelings for him trumping those for Tom was correct. It turns out that she waited for Tom to leave her voluntarily, that she loves Joe, and thus that she wanted to be with him since 90 as much as he wanted her to be with him. If he was miserable in the basement, she was miserable in an apartment in Tokyo, handcuffed by guilt to a husband (which is what the Stephen King book Geralds’s Game is a horror version parallel to) she wanted to leave, while denying happiness to herself. (incidentally Gerald’s Game has a “space cowboy” in it, but he’s a necrophiliac serial killer).

This sort of unhappiness though has its impact in the present, just in a different way than assumed. She’s not unhappy that Tom left her, has another woman or having a baby. But what is important to recognize is that Cameron basically denied herself almost completely for the last 4 years, and adapted herself to fit the needs and wants of Tom. Anyone who stayed too long in an unhappy match, denying their own wants and needs, will recognize that once free from such a relationship, one is bound to be very reluctant to move into what looks like a complete life of a new partner: Joe’s home, Joe’s work, Joe’s friends, Joe’s colleagues, Joe’s business partners. It doesn’t matter that Joe allows her to be who she is, endeavors to stimulate to do the things she loves or does not oppose her from doing her own thing even if he’s not a fan of it. She needs her own turf, see the people that Joe might regard as business rivals. It’s not enough for him to make room for her into his established life, and quite unhealthy for her to fit and mold herself to his.

It should be “their life”, and that is why it’s so important that he too needs to let go of his own comfort zone and try to immerse himself into this nowhere plot of land and airstream, and try to imagine what they could built together out there with “steel and concrete and building blocks”. I don’t think her intent is to fit and lock him into the airstream, but to “play airstream” where they can brainstorm and fantasize what type of life they want to build together, while she “plays house” in his apartment simultaneously. And if he does that, she might even surprise him how much she’s willing to compromise.

When he asked her over breakfast in 4x02 whether she knows what she wants, she looks up and stares at “him”. When he tells her over the phone he wants to know her in his life, she makes a little silent fist of victory. And by 4x05 she tells him she loves him.

So, unlike others, I disagree that Cam should just quit her “games”, “grow up” and “move in” with Joe. Joe should not move into the trailer, but he should “play” and discover her there.

ETA: I’m not saying that Cam and Joe shouldn’t compromize. The “airstream” does not represent a permanent home, not even for Cam. What I’m saying is that a) Joe makes the error to regard it as Joe’s home vs trailer b) while Cam herself regards it as Joe’s home AND trailer to build a foundation and discover together what their life together might be like. She does live in his home too. Even people who know each other intimately, the worst and the best, for a decade, but wanting or hoping to establish a lifelong commitment for the first time after all that time, still need game-room to play around with ideas. 3x09, 4x02 phonecall and breakfast were perhaps their first three proper dates.

#halt and catch fire #jameron #cameron howe #joe macmillan #season 4 #airstream #pilgrim #cameron's game #all work and no play makes joe a dull boy #meta analysis #lost in translation #OPs

102 notes · View notes

chernobog13 · 6 months

Text

"Pilot the Enterprise Thru Space"

Yeah, right! It just goes in circles! Guaranteed to make the entire crew space sick!

Beyond that, this is a very interesting page from the Spiegel catalog (a copy of which I never saw myself, but it was always mentioned in the prize portion of game shows).

Not only do we see the infamous Star Trek "Spock helmet" - you know, just like the one Spock wore all the time - but there's the little known action figure Private Eye J.J. Armes. He had interchangeable gimmick hands (get the pun in his name?) including pirate hooks.

Oh, and let's not forget the action figure of future accused murderer and convicted felon O.J. Simpson.

#Spiegel Catalog #action figures #toys #Star Trek #crappy Star Trek toys #Spock Helmet #J.J. Armes #O.J. Simpson #The World's Greatest Super-Heroes #Mego #Batman #Joker #Superman #Spider-Man #Penguin #Robin

32 notes · View notes

arabellaflynn · 7 years

Text

How could I possibly not know my attachment style until I was a teenager, you ask? Well, mainly because I had nobody to get that attached to. My mother likes to tell people the story of my first steps. I was sitting on her lap one day at a family gathering, while she was chatting with the other adults, and I let it be known that I wanted a toy that was across the room. Nobody could be arsed to get it for me, or even walk over there and crouch beside it to encourage me to go get it myself. Eventually, I got tired of squalling, squirmed free, and toddled over to get it on my own. No stumbling, no falling; I just walked over, plopped down, and focused on my toy to the exclusion of all else. She thinks this is an adorable story. It would be if it were a case of 'took our eyes off the baby for two seconds and look what happened'. It was not. This was my mother's parenting technique through my entire childhood: Whenever the baby wanted something inconvenient, ignore her until she took care of herself. She's not a sociopath -- she was good with food, water, shelter, clothes, school, making sure I didn't just drop dead, etc. But any level of psychosocial interaction beyond what a pet might need was inconsistent at best. The most praise I ever got was when I was "independent", i.e., didn't bug her for shit. Dad followed Mom's lead, and to be brutally honest, the two of them were actually an improvement over the families they'd come from. Unsurprisingly, my mother and I got along increasingly poorly as I grew up. By the time I was a teenager, I could articulate the feeling that she wasn't listening to me when I complained, but it didn't do me any good. She could parrot back the words I'd just said, it just didn't appear to mean anything to her. At some point she'd just snap and shout, "What do you want me to do about it?" The actual answer was, "sympathize and comfort me," but by that point I'd been without it for so long I didn't know that was an option. I'd try to think up some practical solutions, find none, sullenly admit the answer was, "Nothing, I guess," and retreat to my room. As far as I can tell, she considered this to be her winning the fight. There wasn't anyone outside the family for me to get attached to, either. I didn't have a best friend as a kid. I didn't know this; there was a girl in my grade whose mother hung out with my mother, and I was informed that she was my best friend. In retrospect, she didn't like me much and wished I'd go away, but she had been ordered to play with me. Her mother was the kind of woman who enforced the 'no squirming while I do your hair' rule by clonking her on the head with the hairbrush, so I'm not surprised she did it. When I was eight-ish, I bought a set of those 'best friend' necklackes that are each one half of a heart. She flat refused to wear hers. I don't recall my mother having much reaction to this; I may not have bothered to tell her. Mainly what this taught me was that my affection was a goddamn nuisance, and if I wanted to make 'friends' I should probably not say anything about it. They would be, at best, confused. I got innumerable more lessons in same throughout grade school. I tried berating myself into not caring so much, but that didn't work very well, so I took the compromise position of never talking about it. I still have favorite people, I just generally keep it to myself. I can be glad to see someone without making them take time out of their day to deal with it. It was not until I was a freshman in high school that I met other humans who consistently acted like they fucking liked me. I still see people complaining that online socializing isn't "real" socializing, and I say a hearty FUCK YOU!, because without the internet (or at least crappy 14.4 mbps modems) I would not have had any friends ever, least of all at a time in my life where I was becoming increasingly stressed and despondent. My school district set up an online BBS that was ostensibly for "homework help", although I don't think I ever saw a single post in that forum. What we actually used it for was play-by-post role-playing games. A couple of guys set up a Star Trek game, and I wanted to join, so I sat down to read the background docs. I found them woefully inadequate. I was even less diplomatic as a teenager than I am now, so I wrote the guy who posted them and went, "You call that tech?" and he wrote back, "You think you can do better, you do it." I owned all of the published technical manuals for the various Trek series at that point, and I did in fact think I could do better, so I did. Bizarrely enough, this made us friends. Nerd lyfe, yo. I ended up fairly close with the two guys who ran the game, and with a girl they knew, all three from a neighboring high school in the district. I handled this very poorly. I had no idea how to cope with people who actually cared about my mental and emotional well-being. It had nothing to do with how they were behaving; they did successfully transmit the feeling that they cared about me, very much. I just didn't trust my read of the situation, at all. I felt as though I were on a tightrope the entire time, wondering how much they would tolerate from me before they snapped and admitted I was demanding too much attention, and told me to sod off. This was not their view of the situation at all; they uniformly thought my parents were horrible, and probably wished they could do more to get me away from them. By this point I had started having what in hindsight were clearly uncontrollable panic attacks, which my parents responded to by ignoring them. Literally -- I can clearly remember sitting at one of the computer in the living room, sobbing hysterically while I typed at one of said friends in a chat window, both parents within sight of this and having absolutely no discernible reaction whatsoever. I took to doing this more and more, dumping my irrational, incomprehensible feelings out into text, because for some reason they all put up with it. I always expected that one day they would just tell me to STFU, but they never did. One of the guys in the group had two sisters and therefore some idea of what you do about crying women, which was mainly hug them until they fixed themselves. He was very patient, and eventually became my first real 'best friend', a thing that surprised only me. When I was around seventeen, I was badly broken by the realization that he cared about me in a way that my own family did not, and that if push ever came to shove, my family could go fuck themselves, because I'd side with him. I remember sitting in the front seat of his car very late one night, babbling uncontrollably at him about this epiphany. I have no idea what he made of this, but he did continue to talk to me for several years afterwards, so it apparently wasn't anything bad. I still deeply mistrust the instinct that says someone is aiming to be that kind of friend to me. It is rare, and I try not to let myself want that too much, because it gets me into trouble. It involves a kind of emotional intimacy that other people view as inherently romantic -- I don't, and I cannot for the life of me comprehend why other people do, but it provokes a lot of jealousy in the wrong situation. Losing friends is bad to begin with, but that one is especially ruinous for me. From my point of view, it means I have to give up a connection to another human being because a third party has arbitrarily decreed I don't get to have it. The jealous SO unilaterally declares we're in a competition I don't want or understand, and I automatically lose. It scares me on a par with what I think normal people would feel at the prospect that their sibling had married a crazy person and would never speak to them again. The reward has to be pretty big for me to take the risk. This specific thing is the other reason (aside from a general lack of spoons and extroverted emotional energy) that I have decided I do not do closed monogamous relationships. There are seriously people who consider that kind of friendship to be 'emotional infidelity'. You can't see me right now, but if I were rolling my eyes any harder I'd risk retinal detachment. If this counts as cheating in a monogamous relationship, then clearly I am not natively monogamous, and I should not be in those. I really need that kind of emotional scaffolding, in various degrees from multiple people, to provide stability in my life, and I have no family capable of providing it. Any partner who told me, "you're too close to that other person, give it up or this relationship is over," would be immediately and permanently broken up with. from Blogger http://ift.tt/2yMkyFE via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

#IFTTT #Blogger #Unsolicited Advice

2 notes · View notes