#creator struggles

[alphagodith]

a collection of motivational insights regarding content creation and creative hobbies

and of course the classic

[little-emerald-snake]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

I was also sent this from @evaslytherpuff so thank you both 🥰

I think by far my favorite thing I’ve written hasn’t been posted. I was inspired by one single TikTok and busted out the first chapter before getting self conscious and stopped writing it. I still have that chapter though and with some moderate fixing id like to rework the story a bit and actually turn it into a long standing story.

However my favorite thing that I’ve actually posted is most likely Long time no ‘see’, something I wrote way before I got “popular” and that kind of felt didn’t get the appreciation I’d hoped it would.

[danpuff-ao3]

AO3 is honestly the best. For multiple reasons but today I would like to rave about:

Site Skins.

Do I as a creator have a bad relationship with my stats? Absolutely! I've worked very hard for many years to balance how I see my work and how I feel about reception, but my mental health is an ongoing struggle and for peace of mind I've given up the fight. I can't force my brain to be less mean to me. And I definitely can't control my stats or people's reaction to my work. But what I can do is fix up my environment.

My first step was to turn off email notifications for comments. I still got my daily kudos email, but comments I'd have to go into AO3 to look at.

My next step was to implement a site skin that would block me from seeing my stats. Not just my stats, though, but stats across the board! All I've been able to view for a while now are word counts. But I don't see kudos or comment numbers or bookmark numbers or anything on works or in my stats page. Only word count!

With that in mind, I do still check periodically. I'll remove the site skin once a month to take a looksy at things. But the site skin keeps me from obsessively looking, and with only checking once a month I get a vague idea of change and I never remember the numbers well enough to get too upset. Rude bookmark comments can't be helped, but generally I brace myself for my monthly check-ins.

Most recently I've added a code to the site skin that hides my inbox completely. No more obsessively checking AO3 for comments!

That said, I do love and appreciate all of my comments. I really do! And I will respond to all of them during my monthly check in. I don't want to dissuade anyone from commenting, nor do I want to hear "you can just turn off comments", because I do want them. I just need a healthier relationship with these things and minimizing my access does wonders for my mental health! (And my self-esteem, not gonna lie.)

I even set up my gmail to move all AO3 emails to a particular folder and mark them as unread so I still have backups of my kudos emails, and I even turned email notifications for comments back on! Only now they're separate and hidden and I can take a look when I'm in the right headspace for it!

Being a creator is hard. And it's natural, I think, to get in our own heads about the numbers game, or overthink this comment or that bookmark. A little space does a world of good, I think.

It's the space I've taken the past year or two with social media. I've turned off email notifications and push notifications on all of my apps. It's done me a world of good to not expect myself to be constantly available, or to see and react to every little thing. I don't get alerts for every Tweet or reblog or like. I engage with various platforms when I'm ready for it. When I'm willing and able to jump in and take a look for myself, and jump out when I feel like it, and to not feel the constant pressure of endless connection.

The same I think will hold true for my stats. I have the very fun combination of GAD, OCD, & ADHD. I don't know which of them is being poked and prodded at any given time, or if it's all of them, but I do know that while I've made great strides, I don't think I'll ever be able to fully turn off the parts of me that worry and stress and take too much to heart. But I do have the tools available to make my life a bit easier and more peaceful.

I feel a bit silly and pathetic for talking about all of this. Like I should be morally above it all, or have a stronger will; like I should be cool and collected and unbothered. But I'm not! I care too much about what other people say and think. I care too much about my work, and some part of me will always have doubts and insecurities, and I'll always feel and think certain ways even if I know better. Even if I know that the numbers don't equal my worth, or my work's quality. I'm a human lady. I have flaws and feelings and I'm generally a mess.

But...Well, I know there are people out there like me, at least in some ways. And it might help to know there are options! And you can take it one step at a time. Hide this or that from yourself. Work on slowly stepping away from the stat obsession.

Or maybe you're not like me at all and you have the healthiest relationship to numbers known to man. In that case, it's still good to know your options because you can also use site skins for aesthetics! I'm not the person to ask about that, mind you, but it's possible!

Either way. AO3 gives us many options, be it the freedom to post all sorts of crazy content, or the freedom to control our experience, be it by hiding numbers or having a Barbie-pink site background. Either way, it's hella cool and I love AO3.

[blood-and-pizza]

I might have to revamp how Gregory and Glamrock Freddy met in my AU because... well. Methinks the Pizzaplex wasn't open for as long as I previously thought.

The Pizzaplex was opened an earlier year in my AU than it was in canon because... well, if Security Breach takes place in 2035 in FNAF, Melissa Pomene would be 50 years old in that universe. I'm not ready to be that old yet, so I'm forced to make adjustments. But I still want the Pizzaplex to be somewhat "new", so...

... Yeah, when I fix my AU's timeline a bit more, I'll let you guys know the details in a future post.

[lucadrawss]

I am-

Confused-

I uploaded a Kaiba edit, and SPECIFICALLY put that the anime was Yu-Gi-Oh! In the title and I specified in the pinned comment that it was Yu-Gi-Oh! Darkside of Dimensions as I had used clips of him from that

But someone, despite it being in TWO SEPARATE PLACES decided to comment "Is this Bakugan?"

Bro the first comment you see is the pinned comment-

I can't tell if this was done on purpose or not-

[andannotations]

"I am now asking myself what kind of writing is it that I want to do. Is it that I plan to produce something that eats away at my soul in its abject bloodlessness, or do I choose to write in ways that breathe life into myself and into those who are happy to read it. While I believe I am still too young to go around renouncing any genre or method, I am asking why is it that writing, criticism and literary studies can often feel like a hasty, individualistic assembly line. Is it time itself that belabours us, or our resistance to tree time."

- all the silence that creates space

[vrainydays]

so I spent the last 3 hours making a gifset and now that I saved it in my drafts I hate it 😭😭😭

[writingwithcolor]

A Careful Balance: Portraying a Black Character's Relationship with their Hair

@writingraccoon said:

My character is black in a dungeons and dragons-like fantasy world. His name is Kazuki Haile (pronounced hay-lee), and his mother is this world's equivalent of Japanese, which is where his first name is from, while his father is this world's equivalent of Ethiopian, which is where his last name is from. He looks much more like his father, and has hair type 4a. I plan to make his character very finnicky about his hair, both enjoying styling it, but also often being unsure how to style it (not in that he doesn't know how to, but has so many options for how to style it, he has trouble choosing). However, I know that there are some very harmful ways to write black hair, especially in regards to how the black character themselves feels about it. Kazuki does not hate his hair, in fact he takes joy in it, and I'm researching black hair and hair styles to be as accurate as possible. But I'm unsure if portraying a black character as occasionally overwhelmed by or vain about his hair is negative. How would you suggest either changing this or making it work? Does it need to be changed in the first place?

Black Character Overwhelmed by Curly Afro Hair

Your Black character wanting his hair to look its best and at times feeling overwhelmed seems reasonable and natural to me. It appears their challenge comes with how to style it. Not so much with struggling how it looks or how hard it is to manage. That is good, as this further helps avoid placing a strong negative focus on Black hair. 

Him caring a lot about how it is style should not be deemed vain or frivolous, either. In any case, hair care is self care. There’s nothing wrong with having pride with your hair, especially hair that mainstream society, historically and present, might say is not beautiful. This still matters, even in a fantasy world, since your readers still exist in this reality. It’s empowering and a welcome change to see someone who loves their afro hair, actually.

There are unique factors someone with coily afro hair would experience vs. straight, wavy, or looser curls, but people struggling with their hair (too frizzy, too flat, too limp, too thin, too thick!) is universal. 

There is a delicate balance to achieve.

Avoid Writing a Black Hair Journey Experience 

An overall negative Afro hair journey might be the reality for many, especially when society deems Afro hair as unacceptable and slaps so many uninvited opinions, laws and policies over its existence and on certain styles (again, historically and very much at present), but that’s the kind of story that is best handled by someone with the background. Someone willing to commit to the research might also be able to pull it off, although it’s truly not the kind of thing an escapism novel needs in my opinion. If the story is not meant to delve into “A Black /Black Hair Experience” then I'd avoid going that route. That is moving a bit towards a struggle narrative, depending on how much it defines your character’s story.

Add positive and neutral hair language and interactions

For your writing, I’d avoid using unchallenged negative language about his hair. Being overwhelmed at times and frustrated is one thing and expected. If his hair is constantly brought up, and is associated with uncontrollable, ugly, or too [insert struggle here], then rethink the direction you’re going. 

Add some positive or neutral terms, reactions, and interactions in the narrative towards afro hair, such as describing color and texture.

“His fine coils bounced in the wind.” 

“Hair black and shiny” 

“She wore her hair in two large, fluffy buns.”

“He admired his fresh, neat braids in the mirror, smiling at his reflection, before turning to leave.”

Another tip: It may have been for research purposes, but leave out any hair number categorizing in the story and rely on description. I’d say this goes for any story, as reading the number would feel off. 

“He had coily 4a hair.” Nahh! :P 

Also, I would suggest sending all passages that focus on his hair to a Black sensitivity reader for review.

More reading:

~Mod Colette

[froggtogs]

they’re having fun i swear

[missmisnomer]

repeating this mantra like my life depends on it

[mattodore]

playing with dionte's hair bc i'm procrastinating

[codacheetah]

My horrible little star they have every disease

Beanie baby Loop... oh poor thang... based on the much more dignified creature by @insertdisc5

[angelsdean]

I need people to understand how S&P (standards and practices) works in television and how much influence they have over what gets to stay IN an episode of a show and how the big time network execs are the ones holding the purse strings and making final decisions on a show's content, not the writers / showrunners / creatives involved.

So many creators have shared S&P notes over the years of the wild and nonsensical things networks wanted them to omit / change / forbid. Most famously on tumblr, I've seen it so many times, is the notes from Gravity Falls. But here's a post compiling a bunch of particularly bad ones from various networks too. Do you see the things they're asking to be changed / cut ?

Now imagine, anything you want to get into your show and actually air has to get through S&P and the network execs. A lot of creators have had to resort to underhanded methods. A lot of creators have had to relegate things to subtext and innuendo and scenes that are "open to interpretation" instead of explicit in meaning. Things have had to be coded and symbolized. And they're relying on their audience to be good readers, good at media literacy, to notice and get it. This stuff isn't the ramblings of conspiracy theorists, it's the true practices creatives have had to use to be able to tell diverse stories for ages. The Hays Code is pretty well known, it exists because of censorship. It was a way to symbolize certain things and get past censors.

Queercoding, in particular, has been used for ages in both visual media and literature do signal to queer audiences that yes, this character is one of us, but no, we can't be explicit about it because TPTB won't allow it. It's a wink-wink, nudge-nudge to those in the know. It's the deliberate use of certain queer imagery / clothing / mannerisms / phrases / references to other queer media / subtle glances and lingering touches. Things that offer plausible deniability and can be explained away or go unnoticed by straight audiences to get past those network censors. But that queer viewers WILL (hopefully) pick up on.

Because, unfortunately, still to this day, a lot of antiquated network execs don't think queer narratives are profitable. They don't think they'll appeal to general audiences, because that's what matters, whatever appeals to most of the audience demographic so they can keep watching and keep making the network more money. The networks don't care about telling good stories! Most of them are old white cishet business men, not creatives. They don't care about character arcs and what will make fans happy. They don't care about storytelling. What they care about is profit and they're basing their ideas of what's profitable on what they believe is the predominate target demographic, usually white cis heterosexual audiences.

So, imagine a show that started airing in the early 2000s. Imagine a show where the two main characters are based on two characters from a famous Beat Generation novel, where one of the characters is queer! based on a real like bisexual man! The creator is aware of this, most definitely. And sure, it's 2005, there's no way they were thinking of making that explicit about Dean in the text because it just wouldn't fly back then to have a main character be queer. But! it's made subtext. And there are nods to that queerness placed in the text. Things that are open to interpretation. Things that are drenched in metaphor (looking at you 1x06 Skin "I know I'm a freak" "maybe this thing was born human but was different...hated. Until he learned to become someone else.") Things that are blink-and-you-miss-it and left to plausible deniability (things like seemingly spending an hour in the men's bathroom, or always reacting a little vulnerable and awkward when you're clocked instead of laughing it off and making a homophobic joke abt it)

And then, years later there's a ship! It's popular and at first the writers aren't really seriously thinking about it but they'll throw the fans a bone here and there. Then, some writers do get on the destiel train and start actively writing scenes for them that are suggestive. And only a fraction of what they write actually makes it into the text. So many lines left on the cutting room floor: i love past you. i forgive you i love you. i lost cas and it damn near broke me. spread cas's ashes alone. of course i wanted you to stay. if cas were here. -- etc. Everything cut was not cut by the writers! Why would a writer write something to then sabotage their own story and cut it? No, these are things that didn't make it past the network. Somewhere a note was made maybe "too gay" or "don't feed the shippers" or simply "no destiel."

So, "no destiel." That's pretty clearly the message we got from the CW for years. "No destiel. Destiel will alienate our general audience. Two of our main characters being queer? And in a relationship? No way." So what can the pro-destiel creatives involved do, if the network is saying no? What can the writers do if most of their explicit destiel (or queer dean) lines / moments are getting cut? Relegate things to subtext. Make jokes that straight people can wave off but queer people can read into. Make costuming and set design choices that the hardcore fans who are already looking will notice while the general audience and the out-of-touch network execs won't blink and eye at (I'm looking at you Jerry and your lamps and disappearing second nightstands and your gay flamingo bar!)

And then, when the audience asks, "is destiel real? is this proof of destiel?" what can the creatives do but deny? Yes, it hurts, to be told "No no I don't know what you're talking about. There's no destiel in supernatural" a la "there is no war in Ba Sing Se" but! if the network said "no destiel!" and you and your creative team have been working to keep putting destiel in the subtext of the narrative in a way that will get past censors, you can't just go "Yes, actually, all that subtext and symbolism you're picking up, yea it's because destiel is actually in the narrative."

But, there's a BIG difference between actively putting queer themes and subtext into the narrative and then saying it's not there (but it is! and the audience sees it!) versus NOT putting any queer content into the text but SAYING it is there to entice queer fans to continue watching. The latter, is textbook queerbaiting. The former? Is not. The former is the tactics so many creatives have had to use for years, decades, centuries, to get past censorship and signal to those in the know that yea, characters like you are here, they exist in this story.

Were the spn writers perfect? No, absolutely not. And I don't think every instance of queer content was a secret signal. Some stuff, depending on the writer, might've been a period-typical gay joke. These writers are flawed. But it's no secret that there were pro-destiel writers in the writing room throughout the years, and that efforts were made to make it explicitly canon (the market research!)

So no, the writers weren't ever perfect or a homogeneous entity. But they definitely were fighting an uphill battle constantly for 15 yrs against S&P and network execs with antiquated ideas of what's profitable / appealing.

Spn even called out the networks before, on the show, using a silly example of complaints abt the lighting of the show and how dark the early seasons were. Brightening the later seasons wasn't a creative choice, but a network choice. And if the networks can complain abt and change something as trivial as the lighting of a show, they definitely are having a hand in influencing the content of the show, especially queer content.

Even in s15, (seasons fifteen!!!) Misha has said he worried Castiel's confession would not air. In 2020!!! And Jensen recorded that scene on his personal phone! Why? Sure, for the memories. But also, I do not doubt for a second that part of it was for insurance, should the scene mysteriously disappear completely. We've seen the finale script. We've seen the omitted omitted omitted scenes. We all saw how they hacked the confession scene to bits. The weird cuts and close-ups. That's not the writers doing. That's likely not even the editors (willingly). That's orders from on high. All of the fuckery we saw in s15 reeks of network interference. Writers are not trying to sabotage their own stories, believe me.

Anyways, TLDR: Networks have a lot more power than many think and they get final say in what makes it to air. And for years creative teams have had to find ways to get past network censorship if they want "banned" or "unapproved" "unprofitable" "unwanted" content to make it into the show. That means relying on techniques like symbolism, subtext, and queercoding, and then shutting up about it. Denying its there, saying it's all "open to interpretation" all while they continue to put that open to interpretation content into the show. And that's not queerbaiting, as frustrating as it might be for queer audiences to be told that what they're seeing isn't there, it's still not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is a marketing technique to draw in queer fans by baiting them with the promise of queer content and then having no queer content in said media. But if you are picking up on queer themes / subtext / symbolism / coding that is in front of your face IN the text, that's not queerbaiting. It's there, covertly, for you, because someone higher up didn't want it to be there explicitly or at all.

[scribz-ag24]

Some doodles for @jsab-fujii swap au bc it's the best pmd AU ever i dont take any other answers. I've seen versions where the pokéguild is also swapped but i forgot about that, so grovyle and dusknoir are hero and partner, hero and partner are going through some rough stuff, and the rest is literally the same.

(have to wonder how some plot points would develop tho)

(i know dusknoir is, ironically enough, arguably the least "murder is ok" guy of the future trio, but i think he can be a little unhinged. as a treat)

[artistlara]

Redraws of the whiteboards and the doodles of this post

Disclaimer: I'm not updated on what's happening in the fandom since I don't consider myself part of it or check for new stuff anymore, so if I've drawn a mod that has some controversy/discourse around it- please know I don't support it and only did this for redrawing purposes only.