#cuz I told my sister and she made me feel like an idiot for assuming they were saying that to me

[2dmenenthusiast]

Grounded - Levi Ackerman x Reader

I had this whole thing typed out but it all got deleted cuz im an idiot so all I’ll say is that writing for Levi is hella difficicult, I hate the ending, and I hope you all enjoy. also yes there is a line from TWD in here but it fit so perfectly and it was too good to pass up okay? and I gave Hange they/them pronouns btw

(also one of my favorite fanfic writers @phen0l​ followed me and uhh I just wanna say that I’m honored?? They write amazing Levi fics and fics for other fandoms, so make sure to go check them out)

Summary: The Scouts are getting ready for the 57th expedition outside the walls, and you can’t help but let Levi know how worried you feel about the possible outcome of the mission

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings/other info: swearing, angst, death, spoilers for AOT season 1, reader has possible anxiety, reader is kept gender nuetral

No matter how many times you face them, no matter how many times you find yourself suspended in mid-air right over their gaping mouths, ready to swallow you whole, you will always have nightmares about that one fateful day in Shiganshina. The day the Colossal Titan kicked in Wall Maria and let his friends feast on the people in your district. Your friends, family, all destined to be one thing at that moment. Titan fodder. You still wonder how you made it out sometimes. How through all the commotion, a titan didn’t target you and scoop you into its mouth, effectively sealing your fate just like everyone around you. You chalked it up to luck at first before telling yourself that was bullshit. Luck didn’t have anything to do with it. Shit just happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it besides roll with the punches and try your best to survive.

The sight of your sister and father being eaten by those beasts was permanently engraved behind your eyelids, seeing flashes of their thrashing, screaming bodies whenever you close your eyes to go to sleep. In those moments, you always wondered why you survived rather than them. Your sister… she was the sweetest little thing, lighting up a room whenever she smiled and constantly greeting you at the door with a hug whenever you came back from shopping in town. You swore her laugh was all you needed to take you right out of a bad mood, reminding you that things weren’t so bad if you had someone so full of joy in your life. And your father, while he was stubborn, he made sure to take care of his family the best he could, and you were forever grateful for that. He raised you to be strong and rely on yourself because in the end, the only person you truly had on your side was you.

No one really knew about your past. Well, besides your superiors who needed to know, but other than them, your fellow cadets knew the bare minimum about your private life. Although, when they found out you were from Shiganshina, they all just automatically assumed you suffered a great loss of some kind, whether it be your family or your home. In your case, it was both. Of course, you were close with some of the other soldiers. Eld and Petra were people you considered to be good friends with, along with the rest of your captain’s squad. Though, that didn’t stop you from wanting to deck Oluo in the face whenever he got too cocky, throwing his arm around your shoulders during lunch before immediately removing it when you would elbow him in the ribs.

“Jeez, Oluo. You think you’d learn by now. What is this, the fifth, sixth time?” Petra asked, pushing a stray hand of hair behind her ear.

“Seventh,” you chimed as you brought a spoonful of soup up to your mouth.

“Aw, you’ve been keeping count. That must mean you actually like me.”

You raised an eyebrow as you looked over at him, placing the spoon back in your bowl before licking the remaining soup off of your lips. “You know this food is still steaming. Don’t make me throw it at your old ass face.”

He let out a noise of protest while the rest of the table laughed, and you snickered to yourself before shifting your gaze to meet Levi’s, his steely eyes almost piercing through you before he looked down into his cup and tuned back into the conversation his commander and squad leader Hange were having, watching as the dark liquid swirled around.

You always knew Levi to be a man of few words, but a strong sense of purpose. He wasn’t one to waste time on trivial things, always wanting to get straight to the point. He didn’t seem to be the type to waste time on feelings either, but you guessed it wasn’t any of your business. You knew he felt things. Experienced emotions and all that. You’d be stupid to think he didn’t. During training, when he’d survey your group to see how things were going, there would always be gossip when he left, your peers saying how he was cold and emotionless, but you disagreed. You had already heard the rumors of the captain being some type of underground gangster at that point, so when you really thought about it, it wasn’t unusual or weird for him to act the way he did. Something, someone, had made him that way, and that was okay. Something had affected all of you too. The world you all lived in didn’t have the time to spare you from grief or trauma.

“Cadet l/n.”

You jumped slightly at the sudden mention of your name, lifting your head to see your captain entering the mess hall with a signature cup of tea in his hand, and you gave him a lazy smile before looking back down at your own cup, the liquid having gone cold over the time you had been sitting there. Levi didn’t reprimand you for not saluting him, just silently walked over and occupied the seat across from you, looking at you with that stern gaze of his.

“You should be asleep. I won’t make training any easier for you tomorrow just because you’re tired.”

“This isn’t unusual for me, captain. Just needed something else to look at that wasn’t my bedroom wall,” you said, your voice quiet.

He slightly tilted his head as he studied you, lifting his hand to gesture around the room. “And you thought an empty mess hall would be better?”

You let out a scoff, meeting his eyes for a moment before sipping at your drink and immediately grimacing at the taste of it. “It’s better than the alternative. For now, at least.”

He didn’t respond at first, simply staring off into the distance as he let your words sink in before setting down his cup with a soft ‘clink.’ You thought that maybe if you weren’t so over everything at the moment, you wouldn’t be acting so casual with your superior, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Hopefully this wouldn’t bite you in the ass later

“You’re not the first one here to experience nightmares, you know.”

“Oh, so you have this talk with all of the cadets in the middle of the night?”

“No,” he answered simply, taking another sip of his drink.

You didn’t know why, but that simple interaction had been the best one you had with another person in months. Sure, you loved the company of your friends, but talking to Levi was just so… different. Almost liberating in a way. There were things you had told him that you never told anyone else during your late-night meetings, and it got to the point where you had found yourself looking forward to talking with him. Because you knew that behind his gaze was a man that felt so much, and you knew what that was like.

“You know… I only really made it out because they were too busy eating my family.”

Levi paused at that, eyebrows slightly raised as he looked at you over his cup that was pressed to his lips. He didn’t speak at first, taking his time as he leisurely drank his tea, and you could practically feel the depth of the silence looming over the both of you like it was its own presence.

“Shit, maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut,” you thought, teeth digging into your bottom lip as you anxiously waited for Levi’s response.

You didn’t want him to pity you. That was never your intention. You guessed you just.... wanted someone to know what you were thinking and feeling, tired of constantly keeping it to yourself. If you got eaten by a titan one day, you’d at least want someone to know who you were. Who you really were.

“Sorry, I um…” you looked around at everything besides the man sitting in front of you, trying to find a way to fill the silence. “You probably don’t wanna hear some sob story from some cadet, I-”

“‘Some cadet?’”

Your eyes snapped over to his, mouth slightly agape before swallowing thickly. “I… Well I mean-”

“Talking like that about yourself isn’t going to change anything or make anything better. You’re not just some cadet, and I’m even willing to say that you’re not as bad as some of the shit-for-brains we have here. You came here to do the same thing everyone else is here to do. Fight for humanity. Whether your end goal is selfish or to try and relieve yourself of some guilt from the past, it doesn’t matter.” He leaned closer to you, elbows placed on the table as he pinned you with his gaze. “Every life sacrificed out there matters. So does yours, even if you don’t think it does. And it’s our job to make sure those soldiers don’t die in vain. 

You didn’t know what to say. No one had ever really talked to you like this, so how could you know how to respond? Luckily, he started speaking again so that you didn’t have to.

“Your family…  it’s a shame what happened to them. What you had to go through. But, their deaths will be avenged, and I will make damn sure of it.”

That night was the first time you cried in probably months. You thought Levi would think of you as some pathetic little soldier, trying to gain the sympathy of their captain, but he didn’t. He just placed a hand over yours and let you cry, and you remembered how you were sort of surprised by how warm he was. You remember that talk like it was only yesterday when in reality it was years ago. You and Levi didn’t talk as much as you used to, considering the fact that he was constantly busy with helping the titan shifter cadet, Eren Jaeger, and you had been recruited to squad leader, so you had your own people to deal with. But that didn’t mean you two never spoke. Whenever your paths crossed, you’d make sure to give him a little greeting, whether it was a simple wave or a “hello.” And occasionally, when you couldn’t sleep and you’d come down to the mess hall, he was there, a steaming cup of tea in front of him, and you’d talk for a few hours until you both agreed it was time to try and catch some sleep.

Now, the soldiers were getting ready for the 57th expedition, and you couldn’t shake off the bad feeling you got whenever you thought about it. Of course, every expedition was dangerous. More often than not, the scouts would come back from outside the walls with more than a few dead, and on bad days, their numbers would be cut in half. Eren was making progress, and you hoped he would be useful, but a part of you was still doubtful.

“I’m worried,” you stated, arms crossed over your chest as you stood next to Levi, watching the cadets train vigorously.

“You always worry.”

You glanced over at the man and huffed, seeing him completely focused on the soldiers before you lightly kicked your boot into the dirt. “I guess that’s kinda my thing, isn’t it? Can you blame me though? We’ve seen what Eren can do, but… he hardly has it under control. And this isn’t exactly a normal expedition.”

“Things will turn out the way they turn out. There’s nothing we can do except make sure things go the best way they can.”

You sighed. Levi was able to reassure you most of the time, but other times he did nothing to calm your nerves. It wasn’t his job to, though. His responses were straightforward, and if you didn’t like it then that was just something you had to deal with.

“Ever the optimist, Levi,” you said, a sarcastic lilt to your voice, and you smiled when he glanced at you before shaking his head.

“Hey! You’re not here to slack off. Pick up the pace before I make you all train through dinner.”

You were used to Levi giving out orders. Hell, he gave them to you all the time, but his commanding voice sent shivers down your spine at that moment.

“He’s a freaking tiny tyrant, I swear,” you heard one of the cadets mutter, and you couldn’t help but snicker as you turned your head away from your captain, covering your mouth to conceal your smile.

“Find something funny?”

You cleared your throat as you shook your head, turning to Levi with a grin and shrugging your shoulders. “Not at all, captain. Just have a little cough is all.”

“Mhm. Maybe I should make you run it off then.”

“Aw c’mon, Levi. Have a little laugh. We all need one once in a while, especially considering the day you’re all going to have tomorrow.”

He just let out a hum, and your smile slowly dropped as you looked out at the horizon, the sky painted in beautiful strokes of orange and pink. Yes, you were right, you all needed those small moments of joy in this fucked up world you lived in, but you weren’t stupid enough to believe that those moments could last forever. Sometimes you just had to face the reality of the situation you were all in, and you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that filled you as you thought about tomorrow.

“You’re overthinking. Stop it,” Levi said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You shook your head and gave him a smile that felt bittersweet. “I can’t help it sometimes. I wish I could go with you.”

“We have enough force and skill in the recruits we have for the expedition. It would be a waste to put you and your squad into it and leave you hanging with no real job to do.”

“No real job? We’d be doing what everyone else would be; killing titans and keeping Eren safe! How would we not be useful? You know for a fact that my squad and I are plenty skilled and-”

“We can’t risk more sacrifices by putting you out there. We have enough people to hopefully accomplish what we need to.”

“Then why wasn’t my squad a first choice to go beyond the walls this time? We’re more capable than most of the people here and you know it. Maybe if I talk to Erwin he’ll-”

“This wasn’t just Erwin’s decision, it was mine. And your insubordination is starting to get irritating, so I suggest you take a walk.”

You looked at Levi with widened eyes, disbelief clear on your face, and you swallowed down what you actually wanted to say before letting out a deep breath.

“Levi, I-”

“Take a walk, l/n. I don’t wanna hear about it.”

You simply blinked at him a few times, clearly upset by the way he addressed you, before letting out a scoff and walking away, your jaw and fists clenched tightly. Yes, maybe you were being a bit childish, but you refused to acknowledge that when you felt so pissed at the moment.

“I mean, how can he just treat me like that?! Just completely dismiss me and not even give me a reasonable answer! He’s so… He’s just so… Ugh!”

You groaned and rested your head in your hands as you sat across from Hange, your friend looking at you with raised brows as they idly tapped their fingers against the table.

“I mean, he is your superior, y/n.”

“But that’s not the point! Like, yeah okay, I know he’s my captain and all that, but… We’ve always just been casual with each other. We’ve never seen each other as our ranks. I still respect him and follow his orders when he gives them but…” You let out a noise of frustration and slammed your fists down on the table. “That doesn’t give him the right to just pull out the superiority card whenever it benefits him!”

Hange blinked a few times before letting out a sigh, brushing a piece of stray hair out of their face as they leaned back in their chair, shrugging their shoulders. “I mean, he said it was also his decision, right? So maybe… he’s trying to keep you safe?”

Your eyes widened almost comically, feeling heat travel up the back of your neck at the mention of the possibility that Levi was concerned about your safety. “I-I… I mean he- um.”

“Oh my, are you getting flustered, y/n? Does the thought of Levi caring about you make your heart race?” Hange asked, a playful smirk on their face.

“Stop! For the love of everything, please stop,” you whined, waving your hands in front of you as you tried to ignore how embarrassed you felt. 

Hange just laughed at you, continuing to poke fun until you threatened to not be a part of their crazy experiments anymore, to which they quickly backed off. You thought talking with Hange might make you feel better, but hours later when you were pacing in front of the door to Levi’s office, you still wanted to rip your hair out as you thought of what to say to him. Letting out a huff and straightening your posture, trying to gain some nerve, you raised your hand to knock on the door, only for it to suddenly open and reveal your captain, his cravat having come off and the first few buttons of his shirt undone.

“Your incessant pacing is driving me up the wall. What do you want?”

Oh, so he had heard you. You avoided eye-contact, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of your neck before clearing your throat to try and relieve some of the awkwardness you felt.

“Um… can I come in?”

You both stood there for a moment, Levi’s gaze traveling up and down your body before stepping aside to let you in, and you gave him a small, appreciative nod as you walked inside his office. The tension in your shoulders was almost painful, your whole body almost stiff as Levi walked in front of you to sit on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest. You didn’t know why you felt so nervous. It was only Levi, a man you had come to know for years. And while you didn’t know everything about him, you still considered you both to be somewhat close. So why were you feeling so weird right now?

“Uh… I wanted to talk about this afternoon,” you said, mindlessly fidgeting with your fingers.

Levi raised a curious brow, letting you linger in silence for a moment before letting out a soft hum. “Not sure it’s something worth talking about.”

Lips curving into a small frown, you mimicked his posture and crossed your arms, shifting your weight onto one foot. “Well, I think we left some things… unaddressed back there, and I wanna talk about it.”

He didn’t say anything, and you were starting to get pissed, your fuse short enough as it is. Your frustration finally hit its peak when he grabbed the cup of tea next to him and wordlessly took a sip, and you swore at that moment you wanted to take the cup and smash it against his head.

“Goddammit, would you stop drinking your stupid fucking tea and listen to me?!” you yelled, and you could see a flash of shock in his eyes at your outburst before he glared at you, setting his cup down.

“You wanna repeat that?”

“Oh, don’t get all fucking ‘Captain Levi’ on me. You know exactly what all of this is about. You didn’t even try to give me a reasonable explanation earlier, and I feel like I deserve one.”

“Do you? You think you deserve something for acting like this?”

“I’m not a child!”

“But I am your superior, which you seem to forget quite a lot.”

“That is such bullshit! Since when have you given two fucks about ranks when it comes to us? I follow your orders when I have to, not when you use your superiority when it’s most convenient for you.” 

Levi clicked his tongue as he got off of his desk, rounding it to sit in his chair, and your fists were clenched so tightly it was becoming almost painful, your nails digging into your palms.

“You know, you say you’re not a child, yet you constantly act like one. Throwing a fit when you don’t get your way. Sometimes I wonder why Erwin made the decision to promote you.”

Your eyes widened as you softly gasped, questioning if you heard Levi correctly, but you know you did. There was no mistaking it. You always believed that Levi knew that you were capable, that you could protect yourself. But now he made you question if he really thought those things. Did he even respect you as a soldier? After countless nights of spilling your guts to him and him reassuring you… did he think of you as just some simple-minded cadet? You felt like your heart was in your throat and tears were threatening to spill, but you just swallowed everything down and turned your head away.

“Good luck on the expedition tomorrow,” you muttered, and you were quick to leave his office and rush back to your room, tears spilling down your cheeks.

______________

When it came time for your fellow scouts to leave for the expedition in the morning, you were a bit reluctant to watch them, knowing that you’d end up automatically spotting Levi in the crowd, and the petty side of you wanted to ignore him at all costs. However, the rational side of you remembered that it wasn’t just Levi going out there, it was other soldiers as well, most of them you knew personally, and you’d be damned if you didn’t give them a proper send-off, knowing the likelihood of some of them not making it back. So, you dragged yourself out of bed and made yourself presentable, slipping on your jacket as you stepped out of your room.

“Y/n!”

You turned at the shout of your name, seeing Hange waving excitedly at you as they jogged down the hall, slowing down to walk with you.

“So? How did it go with Captain Shorty?”

You groaned and rolled your eyes, bringing your fingers up to rub at your temples to try and cease the headache you already felt coming. “I don’t even wanna talk about it.”

“Dang, that bad, huh?” Hange grimaced.

“You have no idea. I just wanna forget about it”

Hange didn’t say anything more on the topic after that, simply talking about random things with you as you walked outside to the stables. You had a bad feeling settled in your stomach ever since you woke up, but as more time passed it just got worse.

“Hange,” you muttered, the squad leader turning towards you with raised eyebrows as they held the reins to their horse.

“Uh… Please be careful out there, okay?”

Hange looked shocked for a moment before their mouth split into a wide grin, and they quickly pulled you into a tight hug, which you immediately reciprocated.

“Aw, y/n! Don’t worry about me, I’m always careful!”

“That is such a lie, but I’ll believe you anyway,” you chuckled.

Pulling away from each other, Hange mounted their horse and joined the rest of the scouts at the gate, and you went to stand at the sidelines with the rest of your peers to watch them. Your eyes immediately caught sight of a head of familiar black hair, and you felt your heart grow heavy and your chest tighten, almost wishing he would feel your gaze and look over at you. But he didn’t and with Erwin’s war-cry, they charged through the open gate, the horses kicking up dirt and dust, and you only got a glance at their retreating figures before the gate was closed again.

______________

Every minute that ticked by felt like hours. You didn’t know how long they would be gone, the time usually spent outside the walls ranging from a few hours to a few days. You hoped it was the former, knowing that the longer they were out there, the more likely they were to get killed. You knew your comrades were skilled, having been outside the walls with them and seen their skills up close, but that didn’t stop you from worrying. Now with the Eren being a titan shifter and a traitor in your midst, anything could happen.

You almost didn’t acknowledge the shouting of your fellow soldiers that afternoon, too focused on taking care of some of the horses in the stables. But when you finally heard it, you quickly stopped what you were doing and ran to the gate. They were back. Adrenaline coursed through you as your heart pounded like a drum against your chest, and when you finally caught sight of the returning scouts, you immediately stopped in your tracks. The look on their faces was one of defeat, and you could already tell just by looking at them that not all of them made it back. When you spotted Hange, you felt some relief wash over you and you quickly made your way over to them, walking beside their horse.

“Hange, what happened? Was the mission successful?”

Hange didn’t answer, a blank look on their face, which was identical to the expressions on all of the other soldier’s faces. It was a bad day, that much you could tell, and you made brief eye-contact with Levi before looking for your friends. Only… you couldn’t see them. Turning around frantically, you spotted Eren laying in a cart and ran over, jumping in beside him as you glanced at his hand clutching Mikasa’s. He looked even worse than everyone else did. No, loss was never easy, but Eren was just a kid, and experiencing so much of it at his age must have been devastating for him, especially when he was so passionate about saving humanity.

“Eren, tell me what happened. Who… Who did we lose?” you asked.

You didn’t even know if you wanted to know the answer, seeing Eren so broken and torn up already told you that what happened out there wasn’t good, but when was it ever? The boy had tears falling down his cheeks, trying to keep his sobs quiet, and Mikasa just looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“Y/n, I don’t think right now’s a good time-”

“Please!” You gripped the cape that was laid over top of Eren, eyes focussed on the blue and white wings embroidered on the back and you sniffled as you tried to hold back the tears that were desperately trying to come out. “I… I need to know. Please, Eren…”

He stared at you with wide eyes, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed before letting out a shuddered breath. “They… We were after the female titan and she… I couldn’t save them, y/n. They died protecting me!”

Your face seemed void of any emotion as Eren’s words sunk in, piercing your heart like a million knives, and all you did was nod silently before jumping out of the cart, your mind going on autopilot as you walked. You didn’t need him to explain who he was talking about for you to already put the pieces together. Levi had told you that Eren was going to be a part of his squad so that he could keep an eye on him, and his squad was in charge of protecting him. He had become humanity’s number one asset after all. Civilians were shouting at all of you, cursing at you and hurling insults at your face. You weren’t even one of the scouts on the expedition, but that didn’t matter. As long as you wore the wings of freedom on your back, you were a bastard like the rest of them. No more, no less.

You had stumbled too close to the crowd, too preoccupied with your thoughts to even notice, until a large man gripped your shoulders and pushed you in front of the horses, your body landing harshly in the dirt as some of the people laughed at you. You heard someone shout your name, but it sounded distant to you, everyone’s drowned out underneath the roaring of your thoughts. You shifted yourself onto your hands and knees, only to look up and see Hange crouched down in front of you, a concerned expression on their face.

“Y/n, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

There was a ringing in your ears as you looked at them, trying desperately to just get a grip.

The dirt under my hands, the dryness in my mouth, the shouts of the citizens, the musty smell of the horses… Hange right in front of me.

“I’m fine. I… I’m fine.”

The single tear slipping down your cheek went unnoticed by you, but it was one of the things that let Hange know that you were lying. That you weren’t fine. Reaching out to wipe the tear away Hange shook their head.

“Y/n-”

“I’ll see you later, okay?”

Giving Hange a tight-lipped smile, you picked yourself up off the ground and made your way back to the Scout’s headquarters, feeling everyone’s eyes on your back, and you couldn’t help but wonder if Levi was watching you too.

______________

You didn’t keep track of how long you cried that day, keeping yourself locked in your room and sobbing until your body physically couldn’t produce any more tears. The last time you cried this much was when your family died, same thing could be said when you thought about the last time you felt this way. Like all hope was lost. You found yourself questioning what the point of all of this was for a moment before you quickly slapped yourself out of that thought. You knew why you had to do this, why the Survey Corps was important. But shit, all this loss? You didn’t know how much more you could take. Especially if days like today became more frequent.

Then you got to thinking about Levi and the stupid argument you had yesterday. At the time, you felt like your feelings were justified, and maybe they were, but now you felt like a complete idiot for arguing with him, especially the day before an expedition where it was one hundred percent possible that he could’ve died out there. The thought of your last interaction being some petty argument made more tears fall, and you gripped the sheets of your bed so tightly that you thought they might rip. Did he even want to speak to you now? Maybe he realized that you were just some immature little soldier and wanted nothing to do with you.

No, you couldn’t accept that. You wouldn’t. Standing from your bed, you harshly wiped at your eyes and sniffled, trying to look like you weren’t crying for hours on end - even though it was pointless, you knew Levi would be able to tell immediately - and exited your room to start making your way to Levi’s office. Your nerves were kicked into high gear, but you refused to let this man intimidate you. You were going to let him know how you felt and he was going to listen. Of course, your confidence immediately deflated when you found yourself standing in front of his door, but you swallowed down your nerves and knocked, taking a deep breath.

Levi’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door, telling you to come in, and you let out a small huff as you gripped the doorknob and let yourself in. He didn’t even look up from the paperwork in front of him when you walked in, and as the door closed behind you and you moved to stand in front of his desk with your hands held behind your back, you lightly cleared your throat to get his attention. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and you could feel yourself shrink under his gaze. There was no doubt he saw what happened earlier today when they came back, and from the way he was examining you, you knew he could easily tell that you had been crying.

“Did you need me?” he asked, and you sharply inhaled at the sound of his voice. It felt like forever since he talked to you last, and hearing him speak made your stomach do flips.

“Uh… I don’t know, honestly. I didn’t really practice what I was going to say before I came in here.”

He raised a brow at you. “‘Practice?’”

“I mean, it’s kinda hard to talk to you. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just… Ah shit, I don’t know. It might just be me. I’m not the best at articulating, you know?”

He hummed and grabbed his cup as you let out a sigh, taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and leaning your elbows on your knees, bouncing your leg. Taking your bottom lip between your teeth, you wordlessly gazed at him for a moment, a made-up image of his death flashing in your mind before you shook your head and ran your hand down your face.

“Look, um… I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for yesterday. For questioning your judgment when I should’ve just dealt with it. You’re my superior and I disrespected you so… Again, I’m sorry.”

Silence fell between you for a moment before he let out a sigh, setting down his cup before leaning his chin against his propped up hand. “Don’t apologize. You were right.”

Your eyes widened. Did you hear that correctly? “Uh, I’m sorry?”

Getting up from his seat, he rounded his desk to stand in front of you, and you were even more confused. You swore he would’ve been done with you by now.

“You said you and your squad were more than capable of handling the mission. You were right. Or at least, you were right at the time. The female titan would’ve wiped us all out if she wanted to, just like she did my squad. I don’t doubt that if you went after her, you’d be dead right now too.”

You stiffened slightly at his words, fingers gripping your knees as you let out the breath you didn’t realize you had been holding in. “Oh.”

“As captain, I’m supposed to remain unbiased. My decisions should be based on the greater good of humanity and my comrades. If my judgment is wrong, then that’s something I have to live with. Making my squad protect Eren was my decision, and they died.” He let out a long breath. “When Erwin decided to not bring you on the expedition, I was opposed to it at first. I knew that you and your squad would be able to aid us greatly, but I couldn’t sway him. However, now that I think about it, I’m glad you weren’t there.”

You were at a loss for words. When Hange had joked the other day about Levi caring about you, you didn’t take it seriously. But now that you were hearing all of this… Did he care for you? Or was it just your wishful thinking that was causing you to interpret things wrong? Slowly standing up, you briefly met his gaze before walking over to the window and looking out at the night sky, the sun having gone down a while ago, and you wrapped your arms around yourself as you tried to piece together what you wanted to say to him.

“Even if you think I was right, I’m still sorry. I don’t like arguing, especially with you. And the fact that you had to go on an expedition the next day…” You swallowed thickly. “I was scared. I know you say that there’s no use regretting the decisions we’ve made, but if you died out there today and a stupid argument was the last interaction we ever had, I would’ve regretted it every day of my life.” You turned to face him, eyes glossing over. “I would’ve beat myself up when I know you’d want me to continue to be strong. But I feel like I can’t do that without you, and I feel so weak and stupid for saying that. For feeling like the only thing that gives me hope in this godforsaken world is you.”

Levi remained silent, not that you expected him to say anything, and you sniffled as you reached up to wipe at your teary eyes before sighing and giving him a sad smile.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t wanna hear some silly confession. I’ll let you get back to your business,” you said, walking past Levi to get to the door, but you didn’t make it that far when his hand suddenly shot out and gripped your arm, causing you to turn back and look at him.

“Why do you always do that?”

Your brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You never take yourself seriously and act like the people around you don’t either. You’re self-deprecating. You did the same thing when I found you in the mess hall years ago. Why?”

“I… I don’t know, I guess I just get nervous around you.”

“Why?”

Your mouth felt dry suddenly, and your heart was racing as Levi’s grip on your arm tightened and he pulled you closer. “Because… I want to be strong in front of you. I don’t want you to see me as someone immature and incapable, and I’m scared of embarrassing myself in front of you.”

“Did you find your confession embarrassing? Do you want me to forget about it?”

“If you want to.”

“Mm. And what if I don’t?”

You let out a shuddered breath, eyes flitting down to his lips for a moment. “Then what will you do about it?”

Neither of you moved at first, your gaze not leaving one another, and you felt like your heart was about to beat out of your chest, it was going so fast. You wondered if Levi was experiencing the same feeling. Wondered if underneath that stoic, calm expression, his blood was pumping in his ears and his pulse was going crazy. You were waiting for him to do something, anything, as he stared at you with an almost challenging look. It made anger flare up in you for some reason, and you clenched your jaw as you narrowed your eyes. 

No, I won’t let this get away from me.

Reaching up, your hand grabbed at his cravat, yanking him forward into an almost desperate kiss that had your mind reeling. His brows were scrunched up, body tense, before finally relaxing, and you could feel him almost melt into you as he brought both of his hands up to hold your face, eagerly responding. Your frustration had been building up ever since your fight, and you felt like you were both letting it all out now, each kiss hungry and rushed, barely able to pull your faces away before one of you was pulling the other one in again.

“Fuck, I can’t stand you sometimes,” you breathed out between kisses, fingers weaving into Levi’s dark locks and lightly tugging, causing him to let out a soft groan against your lips.

“Stop talking.”

You don’t know when the anxiety started bubbling in your stomach or why your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your throat, all you knew was that every sensation was suddenly overwhelming. Levi’s hands, his lips, his breath against your face, it was all too much. You were suddenly pushing him away, tears quickly building up behind your eyes as you panted for breath. Whether it be from the desperateness of your kisses, or the constricting of your chest, you didn’t know. You just knew that everything was suddenly hitting you at once, and you couldn't get a grasp on how to deal with it.

“Y/n…”

Right, Levi was still here, and he looked at you with a hand slightly reached out, waiting for you to meet him halfway. You hesitated, staring at his hand like you were trying to see through it, before eventually grabbing it, and he slowly pulled you into his chest. Your arms were limp at your sides, silent tears streaming down your face as Levi held you.

“They’d be proud of you, y/n. You know that.”

You felt like you had been falling all of your life, nothing to stop you, nothing to hold onto as you plummeted through an endless abyss. But now, as you brought your hands up to grip the back of Levi’s jacket and sobbed into his shoulder, for once, you felt like your feet had finally found the ground.

[aurora077]

The Value of Recognition Chapter 2

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13934252/2/The-Value-of-Recognition

Chapter 2 - Who’s your shufu!????

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah” cried mini jiujiu.

“Ahhh please jiujiu, don’t cry!” said a distraught Jin Ling.

“A-niang….a-die” sobbed the baby.

Jin Ling was now close to tears himself.

“Young Master Jiang,” cooed Healer Zhang, “Look what I have here. If you stop crying, you can have some.”

She waved a sweet-cake in front of him.

He paused his crying, peeking at the Healer tentatively. At the same moment his stomach rumbled. He looked very much like he wanted the cake. But then he shook his head and said, “Jiejie said A-Cheng mustn't take food fwom stwangers.” He sniffled miserably. “A-Cheng wants jiejie,” his eyes started watering again. This time Jin Ling’s eyes were watering too.

“It seems like Jiang-zongzhu has not retained his memories,” concluded Healer Zhang, “So it’s not just his body but his mind as well that has reverted.”

Jin Ling nodded in understanding. It would hurt but he couldn’t lie to his jiujiu about this. Though he couldn’t quite say the truth either. “Jiejie isn't here,” he ended up saying. The others were watching quietly and felt their own hearts hurt for the both of them.

“No. Want jiejie. Jiejie won’t leave A-Cheng,” he sniffled, big baby eyes staring accusingly at them as if to say ‘you’re lying’.

No, they were not tearing up. They weren’t!

“Hey look who’s here!” said Ouyang Zizhen, bursting into the room with Wei Wuxian following behind him. The infirmary was now very crowded.

They all turned to look at him, and he stopped short in his tracks upon seeing the somber looks on their faces. “Oh no! What happened? Is Sect Leader Jiang okay?”

“Where’s Jiang Cheng?” said Wei Wuxian, abnormally serious.

“He’s right here,” said Jin Ling, lifting the baby slightly.

Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened. “A-Yuan.. Did you maybe... forget to mention something?”

“No! He wasn’t like this yesterday!” Sizhui defended.

“Huh, well how did this happen then?”

But before anyone could answer him the baby gave a short cry, his eyes lighting up at the sight of Wei Wuxian. He struggled in Jin Ling’s arms stretching out his own towards Wei Wuxian in the universal baby gesture for ‘pick me up’.

“I thought he didn’t remember anything?” said Lan Jingyi.

Healer Zhang looked just as confused as they did, “He shouldn’t… from what we’ve heard so far.”

“But he seems to recognise Senior Wei though.”

“I mean to be fair he might just think Senior Wei looks the least intimidating or something, cuz that’s not usually how he looks when Senior Wei is around,” said Zizhen. To be frank, none of them had ever seen Sect Leader Jiang looking openly happy to see anyone.

Xiao Jiang Cheng seemed to get fed-up of waiting on Wei Wuxian to come get him though and with a burst of strength he pulled away from Jin Ling and tried to hop off the bed to go to him himself.

He seemed to be at an age where he could come off of the bed by himself but he wasn’t wearing clothes in his size, he was merely wrapped in adult-him’s inner robe, which tripped him up and he would have face-planted if not for Jin Ling’s good reflexes.

Seeing as he was thwarted, his eyes began to water again. Raising his arms once more he looked pleadingly towards Wei Wuxian, “Shufu!”

Wei Wuxian choked on his own spit. “Shu… who???”

Seeing fat tears start to drip down Xiao Cheng’s chubby cheeks he hurried over and picked him up. “Alright. It’s okay. You’re okay,” he soothed, as the baby snuggled into him.

His tears petered out and he looked up at Wei Wuxian hopefully. “Wei-Shufu, whewe’s A-die an A-niang? Flower-gege (Lan Jingyi snickered in the background “Flower-gege hehe” “Shut up idiot” “But it suits you”) said jiejie is not hewe. It’s not twue, wight shufu?” he frowned.

Oh. Oh no.

For some reason, Jiang Cheng was calling him uncle and seemed to be okay with his presence, unlike all the other people in the room. But...how was he supposed to answer that question. The guilt hit him acutely because if only this child remembered that it was thanks to saving him that his jiejie was no longer around, he would hate him once more.

But how could he tell this child that his parents and sister were dead?

He couldn’t.

“A-Cheng, do you know why Wei-shufu is here? It’s because your A-die, A-niang, and jiejie had to go on a trip. So Uncle Wei is here to keep A-Cheng company. And all of these friends are here too.”

“Twip? Witout A-Cheng?” And oh no how could a baby look so heartbroken? He’d made a grave mistake.

Jin Ling glared at Wei Wuxian. “They left A-Cheng here because A-Cheng is going to be Sect Leader one day. Do you remember what a Sect Leader does?” he said hastily, trying to fix his colossal screw up.

“The Sect Weader has to pwotect the Sect,” said A-Cheng, as if he had memorised that fact.

“That’s right. And who is the Sect Leader” “A-die!”

“Mhm. But when A-die and A-niang are not here, who will protect the sect?”

“A-Cheng?” he said questioningly.

“That’s right! A-die trusts A-Cheng to watch over the sect when he is not here. And A-niang trusted Uncle Wei to watch over A-Cheng.” Well, that was entirely the truth and way too bittersweet. He pushed down the feeling to focus on the child in front of him, “So will A-Cheng allow Uncle Wei and these friends to help him?” He set his little face determinedly and nodded seriously. An expression that was so Jiang Cheng that he couldn’t help but pinch his little cheeks in response, making the child squirm and pout at him.

His movements made the big robe that was wrapped around him loosen slightly and halfway fall off. Wei Wuxian fixed it but decided they would need a plan of action, especially as the child’s stomach rumbled once more and he blushed, hiding his face in his Uncle Wei’s chest.

“Alright, so here’s what we’re going to do,” he said decisively.

“A-Ling, if I know anything about Jiang Cheng, it’s that he’s really a big sap, and I assume he still has some of your baby clothes lying around here somewhere. See if you can find any. If you can’t, use that nice Lanling gold of yours to go to the tailor’s and order some. We don’t know how long he will be like this and we can’t keep wrapping him in these *he indicated to the huge robe* things. He needs proper clothes.” Normally Jin Ling would protest being given an order by Wei Wuxian, but this was for jiujiu and he didn’t want anyone else poking through his uncle’s things anyway, so he left right away to find some of his old baby robes.

“Have you all had breakfast yet? “No Senior Wei.”

“Okay, right, next order of business is breakfast. This little one is hungry. By now the kitchens must be busy. Lotus Pier has breakfast ready by 6:00am so we don’t have to wait very long. Though I don’t know if A-Cheng can wait, maybe we need to find something for him until then.”

“I offered him a green bean cake,” said Healer Zhang, “But his jiejie rightfully taught him not to eat from strangers. Maybe he will eat it from his Uncle Wei though, to tide him over until breakfast is served.”

“Hmm A-Cheng, do you want the cake?”

He nodded shyly.

(“This is so weird,” said Lan Jingyi. “Yeah… I never thought Sandu Shengshou would have been such a cute child,” said Ouyang Zizhen gleefully. He’d been aching to pinch those cheeks since Senior Wei did it and drew his attention to them. So. Cute. Zizhen was gonna die.)

Healer Zhang held out the cake to him and he took it, bowing halfway from Wei Wuxian’s arms and saying a quiet Thank You.

Zizhen was having cuteness overload. “He’s so polite.” *sniffs*

“Now while the Young Master eats that cake, I’d like to do a checkup,” said Healer Zhang seriously.

“Yes, I was about to suggest it myself. A-Cheng, will you let Healer Zhang do her job? I promise it will be okay, Healer Zhang is a doctor and you can trust her.”

A-Cheng looked sceptical but he nodded and Wei Wuxian handed him off to her. “Uncle Wei is right here, A-Cheng, don’t worry.”

He turned back to the juniors while Healer Zhang did her inspection, “A-Yuan, your message said that he was only unconscious. How did he become this way instead?”

“We don’t know Senior Wei, Jingyi and I were woken up by a baby’s cry. When we came to check on Sect Leader Jiang, we found out the baby was him! Senior Wen and Jin Ling spent the night with him so maybe they will know. We didn’t get a chance to ask before you came because Sect Leader Jiang was very upset. He only really stopped crying when he saw you.”

“Wen Ning?” “Yes Master Wei?” “Aiya stop it with that Master Wei I told you.” Wen Ning blushed, as much as a fierce corpse could blush, he’d gotten better at not calling him master but it was a habit and those were hard to break. “What happened last night?”

“Nothing much at all, but this morning just before 5am Sect Leader Jin woke up and said Sect Leader Jiang felt hot like he had a fever, and he asked me to get Healer Zhang. When I came back with Healer Zhang, we just walked in and there was a huge flash of light and where Sect Leader Jiang was, there was a baby.”

“Huh. I haven’t heard of anything like it. We’ll have to do some research but if it’s related to the night hunt you went on maybe.. Hmm.. A-Yuan after breakfast, if you’re up for it you can play Inquiry and see what the spirit has to say. If we don’t solve this soon I might have to ask Lan Zhan to do it because they can’t lie to him.”

“How come Hanguang-Jun didn’t come with you, Senior Wei?” questioned Lan Jingyi.

“Ah well you know Lan Zhan and I just got back from travelling. Since old man Lan has been doing all of the sect leader duties it’s Lan Zhan’s turn. He couldn’t just leave again, it would be unfair. My core is strong enough now to make the trip from Gusu to Lotus Pier so I told him not to worry about me, I’ll be fine. I should probably shoot him a letter though, he’s probably going to worry until he hears from me.”

“I don’t care if you’re writing to Hanguang-Jun, but Wei Wuxian, this news better not be spread outside of Lotus Pier, or else,” threatened Jin Ling, walking back in with a few robes bundled in his hands. It would be a prime opportunity for jiujiu’s detractors to try and kill him as a defenceless baby.

Wei Wuxian raised his hands in surrender, “I know, I know. I won’t even put what the problem is in the letter. I’ll just say he’s been cursed.”

“Good.”

Jin Ling dumped the robes on Wei Wuxian’s lap. “You can dress him since he seems to like you the most.” He was not salty at all.

Wei Wuxian laughed sheepishly; it wasn’t like he could help that! Not that he wasn’t enjoying it of course, baby Jiang Cheng was adorable and looked even more fun to tease than big Jiang Cheng.

“Right,” said Healer Zhang, garnering their attention. Wei Wuxian’s levity fell away. “What have you determined?”

“Sect Leader is a healthy toddler.” Said toddler was already reaching out for Wei Wuxian, who cooed and cuddled him close.

“He seems about three at the moment. His memories of course, are of the three-year old him. He does not have a core at the moment so it’s likely that the curse actually transformed him to how he was exactly at that age, memories and all. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him, other than the obvious of course. The issue here is that we don’t know if this is permanent or not. I can’t say if this will wear off or if he will have to grow up once more.”

Jin Ling made a wounded noise. As cute as xiao jiujiu was, he wanted his normal jiujiu back.

“We’ll find a solution,” said Wei Wuxian resolutely. “Yeah if anyone can find it it would be you Senior Wei!” said Zizhen supportively.

“Don’t worry so much Young Mistress,” Jingyi poked at Jin Ling’s furrowed brow, “Your pretty face will get premature wrinkles.” Jin Ling turned red and batted away his hand, scowling just like his uncle.

“Alright, breakfast should be ready by now. Let’s go kiddos. We’ll need to eat to keep up our strength. We have lots of work to do,” said Wei Wuxian.

Healer Zhang cleared her throat, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Eh?”

The robe slipped further down the baby.

“Ah hehe, oops. A-Cheng, be good and let Uncle Wei dress you.”

But the toddler took one look at Wei Wuxian’s disheveled robes (in his defense he’d come straight to the infirmary after flying to Lotus Pier okay, he didn’t have time to freshen up!) and screwed up his cute little face.

“Flower-gege help A-Cheng,” he said decisively.

Jin Ling, of course, was impeccable despite being in yesterday’s robes. Wei Wuxian pouted. “Figures he’d want the peacock’s son to dress him,” he mumbled.

Jin Ling was quietly delighted.

“Xiao-jiujiu, you have good taste,” he said, promptly taking the baby away to have a bath and get dressed.

“Well,” he said, overcoming his disappointment, “We should probably find whoever’s in charge while Jiang Cheng is away and brief them on the situation.” There was a twinge of hurt when he realised he didn’t know who that was. He and Lan Zhan had travelled for a while, only stopping for brief periods in Cloud Recesses as things were still a bit uncomfortable for him. The rule against interacting with him was still carved into the stone after all. It was easier to just...not remain there, and since Lan Zhan was known for going where the chaos was, it wasn’t unusual that he himself wasn’t often there. But with Lan Xichen’s seclusion, Master Lan had been running the sect once more. Since at the moment Lan Zhan was the heir, it really should have fallen to him if the Sect Leader was indisposed. As much as Master Lan was upset at his nephew’s choice of partner, he still gave him the freedom to wander about. Master Lan had fallen ill recently, nothing major but still, Lan Zhan had realised how much leeway his uncle was allowing him by taking on all the duties himself and had asked if Wei Ying would go back with him. They hadn’t expected that Wei Ying would be leaving on another trip on his own this time, to face the demons of his past (or in Lan Wangji’s eyes, demon). Lan Zhan couldn’t come with him no matter how much he’d wanted to. It would have been supremely unfair to Master Lan now that he’d accepted the responsibility of acting sect leader, to just up and leave again. But being here on his own really reminded him that this was no longer the Lotus Pier that he knew. Once upon a time he would have been the one who would be in charge if the Sect Leader was indisposed. He would have been Jiang Cheng’s right hand man. But he’s also the one who stuffed it all up so he had no right to feel bitter. It was his idea to defect. Jiang Cheng hadn’t wanted him to. He’d been doing his best to put the past in the past like he’d told Jiang Cheng to do, but he wouldn’t be able to escape it, would he? Jiang Cheng was now quite literally in the past….and Wei Wuxian would never be able to abandon him again. He didn’t want to. He’d find a way to restore Jiang Cheng, and failing that, he’d take care of him as much as possible.

“Indeed. I’ll get our Second-in-Command to speak to you. You should follow me, Sect Leader Jin will know where to find us for breakfast.” Healer Zhang’s voice brought him back to reality.

He nodded and they all followed, the juniors behind him like a row of ducklings.

Healer Zhang arranged for them to meet with the Second-in-Command, who introduced himself as Pan An. “Hehe rhymes with Lan An,” Jingyi joked quietly behind them. Wen Ning wanted to excuse himself since he didn’t need to eat and Pan An was staring at him rather intensely, but they insisted he was needed for the discussion and so he sat down reluctantly.

Luckily, breakfast was set out in a private room so that they could discuss matters freely and keep the mini sect leader with them. “I have already briefed the disciples on the importance of staying silent about Sect Leader’s indisposition,” said Pan An, “However, now Healer Zhang has said there is another problem?”

The aforementioned problem finally arrived and he was looking cute enough to eat in his mini Yunmeng Jiang robes, walking in on his own now, holding Jin Ling’s hand. Both uncle and nephew had taken a bath and Jin Ling had thoroughly enjoyed seeing xiao-jiujiu playing and laughing in the tub like he had no cares in the world. It was bittersweet because as much as he liked it he wished his jiujiu would be able to smile like that as an adult. It hurt his heart to think that this innocent little boy would have to go through so much pain in the future.

“Ah yes, here’s our problem now,” said Wei Wuxian, smiling at the toddler.

Pan An’s eyes widened. “I..is that who I think it is?”

“Yup,” said Lan Jingyi cheekily, “There’s the fearsome Sandu Shengshou in the flesh.”

“Jingyi..” reprimanded Sizhui.

“What,” he grinned, “It’s true. Children can be terrifying.” He shuddered thinking about the baby’s ear-piercing cries. A crying child was almost as scary as a ghost.

Wide-eyed, A-Cheng looked at the stranger and hid slightly behind his Flower-gege’s leg.

Jin Ling pat his head and picked him up. “Don’t be afraid, this is Pan An. Pan An is here to be your second-in-command while A-Die’s gone. You know that Sect Leaders have second-in-commands right?”

Xiao jiujiu nodded.

“Of course he does. A-Cheng’s a smart boy,” praised Wei Wuxian. The tot blushed and hid his face in Jin Ling’s robes. Jin Ling carried him over to the table and set him down in between himself and Wei Wuxian who began teasing the child immediately, squishing his cheeks to see his cute expressions of annoyance.

The juniors looked on in envy; the toddler had not warmed to them yet.

“We’ll debrief you after breakfast,” said Jin Ling, “Xiao jiujiu’s hungry. The rundown is that he’s been cursed and is now a three year old with no memories beyond that time.”

“And Pan-qianbei…” Jin Ling looked at him sharply, “Young Master Jiang’s family is currently on a trip. They have, of course, left him in charge because someone needs to protect the sect while they’re gone. We are all here to assist him.”

“Understood Sect Leader Jin.” The man was quick to catch on, after all Jiang Cheng would not leave just anyone in charge of his sect. Pan An was also secretly proud of the young boy in front of him. He was handling this situation well and sounded every inch the Sect Leader. His jiujiu would be proud, though he would mask it with grumbling if he wasn’t… three.

They all set about eating though Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian both fought to outdo the other when feeding mini Jiang Cheng. One would be spooning congee and the other breaking up buns to feed him...until-- “A-Cheng is big boy. A-Cheng eat like shufu and gege!” And what do you know, he really could eat by himself. That put a stop to their competition and they both pouted. Lan Jingyi didn’t even make fun of Jin Ling for it because...he got it.

Pan An could cry. Who knew his tsundere sect leader was so precious as a child?

Wei Wuxian sighed in pleasure. Yunmeng’s food was the best! It had been so long since he last ate at Lotus Pier.

“Wei-shufu like spicy?” asked A-Cheng, upon seeing him reach for the chilli to add to his already spicy dish.

“Mm. Wei-shufu likes spicy very much. A-Cheng is a good host. The food he serves his guests tastes the best! Wei-shufu has to visit more often.”

Mini Jiang Cheng nodded seriously at this. “Wei-shufu must bwing A-Ying an Aunty ‘angse. Wei-shufu pwomised to bwing A-Ying to play with A-Cheng next time. But now is next time an no A-Ying. A-Cheng want to meet A-Ying.”

And all of a sudden, he felt as if he’d taken a hit from Zidian. Wei Wuxian was struck dumb. Because he’d simply been going along with Xiao Cheng, thinking that some part of the child’s subconscious memory must have remained. But that wasn’t what it was, was it?

Because it was now obvious that Jiang Cheng thought...

Jiang Cheng thought he was Wei Changze.

[franki-lew-yo]

I really hate 2d purists. No, not 2d animation. Not 2d animators.

2d purists.

The sad thing is it’s gotten to the point that I really cringe hearing any pro-2D sentiment at all. I hate the arguments I agree with because how often they're misused and weaponized by idiots.

Let me make my stance here clear - 2d is NOT appreciated and 3d is used for everything! The layman Karen-mom who doesn’t have an artistic bone in her body looks at stupidsmooth 3D Grubhub ads and assumes quality cause it “looks more real” (aka ‘rendered’). I know as much is true because I literally have a member of my family who told my sister and I that she thinks 3d is better (and also that she “tolerated THOSE movies for us kids”. Touching words. My sister was taking an animation course by the way). Combined that with the studios either using 2D for cheap stuff or finding good 2d animation too “costly”, I get it and I’m not even any animator. I'm just a worm an illustrator.

but holy HELL -

There’s a backlash from the artistic community that's it's own kind of insufferable and deserve to be addressed.

“(insert2Danimatedfilm) is better BECAUSE it's 2D!”

followed by: "Animation is a visual medium and the quality of the art affects how much the story means !!!!”  

Yes. Totally. Animation is a visual medium and the look and style is important. Sadly, people use this excuse to really obnoxious ends, insisting that design being pretty is '' everything ''. When you treat a movie more as a special effects demo I get why you talk about the artistry at hand; but I’m sorry, visuals are not the only thing important and it’s why I’m also getting sick of the sameElsafacesyndrome rants too! There’s this attitude that's reads as "but it LOOKS better fromaproductionimage/teasertrailerwhichapparentlyisindicativeof all themovieactuallyis so it MUST BE better".

-“3D should only be used to make things look realistic!”

I think I know the logic this criticism is made in response to, and that’s the Sony + Illumination films which look just as good in 2D as they do in three dimensions. I know it feels like people are twisting this medium to try and make it like a classic cartoon when by all means people can and would love a classic cartoon being a classic cartoon. That I get- From the unsung 2D animator’s perspective, that’s more than valid !

But it’s a huuuuuuge slap in the face to 3d in saying it should only be used for "realistic animation" because

1: It’s not like realistic animation could age badly or look uncanny in the next few years. It's almost like technology is constantly improving, which I guess 2d animation never did and it was always the same technique and quality as every film that came after it.

2: The industry does treat 3d as a magic-moneymaker for this reason. Just listen to these people call the 2019 LION KING “live action” as if they’re embarrassed to call it animation. It IS animation! It would be impressive if you acknowledged that what it is, but like the CATS, you basically are treating it as just a neato tool to better your live action and not it's own artform - which it is!

3: By this “three-deeonly gud when real liek in da toystories” non-logic I guess 2d should ONLY be for flowyflowy SPACE JAM cartoons and maybe some Disney*. Just that though. You can’t do anything more with 2d. It’s never supposed to be realistic I guess. Good thing Richard Williams only did 'toons' and just toons that’s why we need 3d in the world I guess.

Wait no - that’s stupid.

"I HAVE to see the “Land Before Time 14″ when it comes out! I mean it’s a 2D animated film!"

Lost in the aether that is Youtube comment chains removed from kid's videos is a stream of this very VERY stupid argument supporting the buying of the 14th LAND BEFORE TIME film because it’s supporting 2D. My sister and I can be found on that chain arguing against this stupidity. All you have is my word, but trust me: it really did happen.

I’m sorry but...no.

Unless you have a friend or a family member who worked on these movies there’s no reason to see this and ESPECIALLY no reason to insist it’s a win for the 2D community if you buy up this crap - and I'm not judging if you do like it, but come on! LAND BEFORE TIME 14 isn't where your money should go if you really like this medium.

What’s so infuriating about this argument is you can tell it’s made by nonanimators. Real animators will tell you to support their movies cause they want some respect for their artform which is why there’s such a push from the PRINCESS AND THE FROGcrowd that you SEE and LOVE every 2d thing out there, regardless of how good it is because any recognition for it is k i n d o f what they're after!

Kiddy sequel schlock isn’t even in the same ballpark as KLAUS or WOLFWALKERS; these films DID have very limited theatrical runs (Klaus so it could be nominated; Wolfwalkers in places where theaters opened up after Covid) and should have been supported because they were labors of love made by people who love animation.

As other people have already pointed out, one of the reasons for the lack of interest in 2000sera2D animation is that the only films released alongside critical+financial 3D hits were cheaper 2D films that either coincided with daytime tv shows or should have been just direct-to-video. It’s not to say art couldn’t come out of these flicks, but dayum if it wasn’t abused as much as the texture software that era's CG used... Point being, should the world ever go back to normal: If you hear about an out-of-town showing an acclaimed 2D animated film, make time to trek out and see THAT!

Don’t give your money to see yet another made-for-tv movie on the big screen because all that tells the studio is: “yeah 2d IS cheap and only good for cheap stuff let’s just keep it cheap. Only 3d is important 8D 8D 8D !!!"

“I don’t understand how it works. So it sucks.”

This text is from an ANIMATOR btw.

“I don’t understand how it works” and “it’s just some computer rendering” is the exact same wave of logic the people who prefer cgi use.

The plebian Karen I mentioned earlier? She understands the basics of 2D animation as much as you did from one of those cruddy flash classes you took in middle-school. She 'understands' the basics cuz she watched how it was made on the DVD features or maybe back on the WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY. To her, the illusion is broken and she’s not impressed by 'just some drawings on paper'. You, an animator, know the process is more complicated and is intrigued by knowing how it’s made - not bored or disinterested -

Neither you nor Aunt Karen have really good cg-animation software at your house and unless you ARE a 3D animator you probably DON’T know all the ins-and-outs of how these movies are modeled, rendered, and animated.

Aunt Karen is bedazzled by them cause she doesn’t know how it works and the technical aspect makes her brain hurt so it might as well be magic and she can feel like a cool kid sharing Minion-memes. Aunt Karen is the nonartistic type who just wants to feel safe. You're not. You want to feel challenged.

I get it: you’re pissed off cause you’re in a field no one, including Aunt Karen, appreciates; told to work in cg which it's an artform you didn’t devote your life to and told to learn it cause THIS style sells! 3D is everywhere and is starting to look like 'garbage' even if you don’t animate 3D models yourself you just KNOW, I guess. Besides, you know all there is to know about 2d!! You know all there is to possibly know about this artform and have to fight this 'war' against "r e a l" animation! And I mean even when 3d software is there to use, it's not like you can actually make anything worth while in it, especially not anything that transcends the medium. Right Worthikids?

TL;DR: This argument is basically just " BWAAAAH I’M NOT GONNA USE IT I HAVE STANDARDS (a chip on my shoulder cuz art should be what I deem it to be) "

“PRINCESS AND THE FROG is-”

There’s a reason I can’t say I truly like PRINCESS AND THE FROG even though it's not even a bad movie! Like, stop reading this and watch PATF if you haven't it's good. It's my 'FROZEN', in that; I see a lot of potential in it I just think it needs some serious rewriting and that bugs me. Always have felt that way, tbh.

I dislike this movie because the response from the animation community seems to be it was perfect and the Academy was just Pixar-crazy with UP ((ftr, the Academy IS Pixar’s bitch and I personally advocate a sequel be made to WAKING SLEEPING BEAUTY about Mike Eisner’s sabotage of the 2D department at Disney which is still in place now!- but that’s a story for another day)). I’m sorry but UP was just a better story. So was CORALINE. So was FANTASTIC MR. FOX. Honest to god it feels like poor PATF is brought up as just a talking point and never for it's own worth as a labor of love - which it was! I'd like to honestly know: had PRINCESS AND THE FROG come out now and been cg if it would have even half the defenders for it because now it doesn't "look" like how a Disney movie "should" look...

If you like PatF more than the currant Disney lineup because of it's culture, it's music, it's feminism, it's black representation? Awesome. Great. Those things should be appreciated and I never want that taken away from you. But if you seriously think PatF is better just for how it was animated and looks - I lowkey may hate you.

“ALL OF DISNEY’S LATEST MOVIES SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2D! THEY ALL LOOK AWFUL IN 3D!! ALL OF THEM!”

TANGLED, FROZEN, and MOANA? Yeah. Sure. But um, e x c u s e y o u- WRECK IT RALPH sooooo doesn’t work in 2d! It could have used different between the various worlds but it’s about hopping through different video games. I’m also of the opinion that ZOOTOPIA and BIG HERO 6 are fine the way they are. Their 3d is awesome.

The latest fairy tale Disney films are really big on their place alongside the 2D canon esp in marketing. They keep trying to mimic 2D to varying results though I don't think it works as well as the movie's I'd previously mentioned. Me personally, I would love a mix of 3D and 2D technology, like if the backgrounds in FROZEN still got to be 3D but the characters were handdrawn and shaded ala KLAUS ((sweet sigh)). But even then are they truly unwatchable just based on how they're animated to you?

MOANA would have been incredible in 2D but for the record - I don't think it feels out of place in it's style. It reminds me more of a Pixar movie with the heart of a Disney classic which is it's own just as good.

“2D is the oldest form of animation and it’s being replaced.”

Actually, if we’re talking animation in film, stop motion is the earliest form of animation. The stop motion animated THE ADVENTURES OF PRINCE ACHMED and TALE OF THE FOX predate Disney’s SNOW WHITE. And yes: stop-motion IS still a form of animation even if it’s a serious of pictures taken of real life things and not drawings, so don’t you dare come at me with the "but that's not animated"/"Technically it’s LIVE ACTION" crap or I’ll envoke the spirit of Sandman to get you at night.

“Every animated film would look better in 2D! Even PIXAR would look better in 2D!”

Again, Stop Motion.

No, I mean it.

Lemme ask: Would ISLE OF DOGS or FANTASTIC MR. FOX carry any of the same effect if they were generic 90s toons? I know NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS wouldn’t. Christ, don’t even get me started on Svankmajer!

Sometimes the problem is that a movie is envisioned with a specific artform in mind. Pixar started out with toys and bugs for a reason and that’s cuz they were always gonna be a 3d studio and they needed to first overcome the placisity of the models. Over the years they’ve gotten really good at effects and blending unrealistic proportions with real textures (and also not so much- ONWARD and THE GOOD DINOSAUR really needed some different character designs and yeah, I do think would have looked better with a 2d artstyle, but not the ones they had in their films. THE GOOD DINOSAUR needed more realistic-speculative looking dinos and ONWARD needed a grittier HEAVY METAL/BLACK CAULDRON appeal to its designs.) My point being that the problems with these movies aren’t even inherently the animation as much as it is a problem of style. As someone who runs a group speculating different styles and designs for movies and tv shows I’m all for envisioning a 2D ZOOTOPIA or Bluth-inspired FNAF. That’s amazing!

But that’s also the talk of fan artists and nerds and not the professional artists working on visualizing their stories!!

Since I ate, slept, and breathed NIGHTMARE in my youth I’ll use it as an example: All the concept art ever done for TNBC was on paper and 2D was used in the final film. However, even when Tim Burton was thinking of making it just a tv special it was always going to be stop-motion. NIGHTMARE’s puppet cast do work very well in two dimensions, believe me, but the film was made as a love letter to Rankin/Bass and the art form of stop-motion. Skipping to another Henry Selick-helmed project (haha), JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH was also always envisioned as a multimedia film to give it a truly dream-like atmosphere. If you know anything about Henry Selick you’ll know he’s 1) a perfectionist, and 2) loves mixed media and different types of animation and puppetry at once. That’s why he was the perfect pick to direct TNBC at the time, why JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH and CORALINE are so beautiful and why MOONGIRL, his only fully 3d film, doesn’t have the same appeal.

As for what films I couldn’t imagine NOT being 3D? Probably; 9, Padak, Next Gen, Soul, Finding Nemo, the Toy Story films, Wreck-it-Ralph (as previously mentioned), Wall.E, Waltz with Bashir, Robots, Inside Out, Arthur Christmas, The Painting, Happy Feet, Shrek, Enter the Spiderverse, Megamind… just naming a few here.

“I want a traditionally animated film [and by that I mean a 90s-Disney/Don Bluth looking movie] of ‘x'-popular live action/stage thing!”

Okay I’m cheating a bit but it’s my blog and so I’m gonna stick this one in because it’s related.

When I see musings about wanting live-action or CGI shiz to be in 2d again a lot of the time this argument actually boils down to " I want this to look like a 90s Didney movie ". Or, if it’s about animals - " I want it to look like a Don Bluth film! "

Like...there ARE other styles of animation out there...you know that right?

Frack, Disney themselves tried different styles throughout the 90s it’s just that the peak of the Disney renaissance films (LITTLE MERMAID, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, ALADDIN, THE LION KING) and the many imitators that followed tended to have the same look to them where only film/animation nerds kept watching into the era that was TARZAN, HERCULES, and ATLANTIS along with the kids. Aunt Karen wasn't singing Part of your World in the carride with you every day.

The Don Bluth argument is especially irritating because...what exact feeling do you WANT from a movie if it looked Bluthish? Each of the four ‘quintessential’ Bluth movies (NIMH, AMERICAN TAIL, LBT, and ALL DOGS) have such a different feel to them that’s complimented by that style; SECRET OF NIMH is a drama about wild animals trying to understand humans; LAND BEFORE TIME is even more squarely about an animal’s perspective as there’s literally no humans around; AMERICAN TAIL uses animals stowing away on the ship to tell a story about refugees; and ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN is ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN.

What the frack are you even asking for with that because I think there’s a certain flavor to the Bluth-styled oeuvre as well as the 90s Disney catalogue that would clash too much stylistically with some films.

Also come on! Like some Bluthian-style 2d would really fix THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS or SCOOB!, bite me.

I think this fixation solely on these two hand drawn styles and nothing else is based on nostalgia goggles, refusing to step outside the norm and discover different films and feelings than Disney and Bluth, and just preference. Goin back to NIGHTMARE there will always be a special place in my heart for Henry Selick’s stop motion, but I couldn’t imagine CHICKEN RUN or ANOMALISA in it's unique style.

Also I’m tired of every time there’s a "lets make an animatic to ‘x’ musical theater song" it’s reliably just Disneyesque or realistic. WHY envision an animated version of the show at all if it doesn’t have A STYLE to it??!?! I’m sorry but 90s-Disney does NOT fit CABARET!

“3D is so CHEAP now! Why can’t they just do 2D again?”

I think - on the cusp of the 2020s and the Grubhub hatedom, there ARE changing times ahead for 3d and 2d. The general public are starting to get tired of the same looking 3d films and wanting some 2d back, but they don’t have the best resources or opinions on animation to know what it is they want. Meanwhile, the animation community + industry is trying to figure out what to do and you have a lot of turmoil between the monopoly that is the industry, the high standards of the artists, and the mixed wants of the animation fanbase deciding what art needs to be.

It’s a tough business. And in the spirit of that tough business - maybe DON’T act like the means of a film’s production is solely your control, that you know best, and know definitively what the artists should have done....cuz you don't. Sorry my fellow criticalfanomanalysist-folks we DON'T and in an age of standom where fans and critics think it's okay to hackle indie animation studios about not getting their pitched cartoon out fast enough - we need to reserve these discussions to our circles and not treat them as gospel.

3d animation and 2d animation have to share this world. Stop acting like they’re either interchangeable in terms of budget, means of production, or artistry or that one has to be superior to the other.

The industry already says one art form is better (spoiler: it’s always live-action), we don’t need anymore of this purist garbage. Just stick to what you like while trying new things on the side. Be critical while also being compassionate. And remember:

[johnnycranes]

[reupload cuz i decided to post this chapter here as well since i met a lot of new people in the fc5 fandom recently <3]

next chapter of Some Kind of Second Chance is up. special shoutout to all my mutuals who tagged me in WIPs and to the amazing @desertvvitch who motivated me to post this thing!!

Whole thing is up on AO3

Word count: 3,364

Chapter 6: Revelations and Rifles

When Sydney came to, part of her hoped the hit she took to the head also knocked her memory back. But nope, still didn’t know who the voices in her head were.

She opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was a wall decorated with different pictures of the Seed family and of Eden’s Gate. Next thing she noticed was that she was sitting on the floor and her wrists were bound in front of her to a metal pipe, kept in place with a ziplock tie.

She looked down at herself and saw she was still dressed in the shorts and tank top she was in when she left her cabin, the only thing missing was her jacket.

Looking around a bit more, it didn’t appear to be like any of the cabins in the compound. More like the inside of a trailer house. Something glinted on the floor and Sydney realized there were shards of glass littered around the room of what looked like a small trailer. If she could just reach out for a sharp enough piece, she could find a way to cut open the ziplock tie.

Whoever took her clearly didn’t think this all the way through, practically handing her a means to escape.

Oh shit, or was this some kind of creepy Saw thing? Either way she wasn’t going to stick around to find out.

She stretched her leg and started pushing a few shards towards her with her foot. Thankfully her captors were also kind enough to leave her sneakers on.

Sydney was able to drag some shards close to her when she heard a door open. She hid the shards under her legs quickly as the footsteps of whoever arrived got louder.

Two men wearing Eden’s Gate clothes walked into the room, sneering at her as soon as they spotted her. They didn’t look like anyone she knew.

“Good morning, sunshine.” The one with long unruly hair said.

“So sorry if we kept ‘ya waitin.” The bald one said.

Sydney shook her head. “Oh not at all. Just woke up actually. Comfy floor here.”

“The fuck?” Long-hair asked.

“You have any idea why you’re here, girlie?” bald one asked, and Sydney assumed he was trying to sound intimidating.

“Why bother? You’re gonna explain it to me anyway ri-”

The bald one slammed the butt of his rifle onto her knee. She groaned in pain, but made sure not to lift her leg so much as to make sure the glass was still hidden.

Hopefully they leave her alone again so she could escape.

It was safe to assume these two were part of the group of soldiers who didn’t like her. So Sydney’s only other option of getting out was someone in the compound noticing she was missing, unless of course the two idiots who captured her were actually smart enough to cover their tracks.

How long was she out? All she could tell from the light coming in from the window was that it was daytime.

“You have the guts to speak to us like that? After all you did, sinner.” Long-hair snarled the last word at her.

Sydney rolled her eyes. “Like I said, still waiting for you to fucking explain.” As far as she was concerned, they could even be Resistance agents in disguise who waited for the perfect chance to strike.

But then again, why target her and not the Seed family?

“You think yer so clever, fooling even the Father with yer fake amnesia bullshit.” Bald guy said.

Sydney huffed out a dry laugh. “Trust me, I wish it was fake. Maybe then I’ll know why you two assholes are pulling stupid shit like this.”

“Enough!” Long-hair yelled. “How dare you. How dare you think we can just accept you into our family, attend sermons with us, all because you supposedly forgot.”

“I did.” Sydney emphasized. “You can ask the doctor, he-”

“You just don’t forget the people you killed!”

Sydney froze.

She what?

The silence was deafening and that’s when the voices attacked. Screams, cries, incoherent shouts, gunshots, explosions, fires. They all invaded her mind.

Her blood ran cold, her hands started shaking and her head was throbbing.

She couldn’t freak out, not now. She tried to keep her breathing under control, long enough to ask, “What?” but it came out so pathetic and soft that she wasn’t surprised when they cackled at her.

Long-hair walked in circles around the room as he narrowed his eyes at her. “Killed. Put a bullet in their heads, threw dynamite at them, hell even cracked open their skulls with a fucking shovel!” He stopped in front of her and tightened his fists. “They were my friends! They gave their lives to protect the Father from you. And now he claims you’ll protect us?”

His fist collided with her cheek. He hit hard but it was better than him using the butt of his rifle.

Or actually shooting her with said rifle.

Sydney slowly turned her head back to face them, ignoring the throbbing in her cheek. She could thank him, actually. At least it distracted her enough to calm down a bit.

There were still so many questions she wanted to ask, but asking her captors may not be the greatest idea.

Their friends? So she killed people from the Project?

She instantly thought of Elena, Trevor and Benjamin.

Who did she kill? Why did she kill? And if she did kill people from Eden’s Gate, why was Joseph okay with her staying on?

Then she remembered the Father’s words the day she arrived at the compound.

So now you shall atone.

Oh fuck. Is that what she was atoning for?

He struck her again. “You are a sinner unworthy of joining us at Eden’s Gate! We will avenge our fallen brothers and sisters, we wi-”

“That’s enough, Kevin.” the bald one said as Kevin punched her once more, on the same cheek and Sydney had to spit blood out.

Kevin backed away from her to face his companion. “She deserves a lot more punishment for everyone she’s killed, Norm. You know that.”

Norm sighed. “We got lucky capturing her when we did. But people will wonder where she is soon so we gotta kill her now.”

Even though her face stung and she had to blink a few times for her vision to steady, she was conscious enough to hear what they said. Sydney knew she was running out of time. If she wanted to escape, she had to do it quickly.

With both her captors distracted and turned away from her, she shifted her legs, feeling the cool glass underneath as she inched them closer to her wrists. She dragged her hands down the pipe and closer to the floor, slowly so as to not get their attention.

Some of the shards cut the inside of her leg but it didn’t matter. She could bandage them up when she was free. She couldn’t bandage a bullet hole to the brain.

Sydney finally got one shard close enough to her hands. She stretched her fingers to grab it and fiddled with it as quickly and as subtly as possible.

Thankfully Kevin and Norm were still busy arguing.

“It’s not enough to just kill her and get it over with!” Kevin yelled. “She showed no remorse, so why should we?”

“Because if they catch us we-”

“Rook! Rook, you here?” All three of them froze when they heard a voice from outside the trailer.

Sydney didn’t know whether to feel relieved or frightened when she recognized it as Benjamin’s voice. She couldn’t just scream for help. What if he didn’t have a weapon with him? What if they shot him first? Or shoot her then him?

She hid the broken glass in her hand, closing it in a fist.

“Shit. I told you we shoulda killed her right away, Kev!” Norm hissed.

“Shut the fuck up and let me think!”

Benjamin yelled again. “C’mon, Rook. You better not have left the island.” His voice sounded closer that time.

Kevin took two shallow breaths and gripped his rifle tightly. “All right new plan. We kill ‘im both.”

Fuck this wasn’t good.

Sydney chanced using the shard again. She needed to get rid of them before they hurt her and Benjamin.

“What?” Norm whispered nervously.

“He’s gonna come in regardless.” Kevin said. “I’ll shoot ‘im soon as he opens the door. Then we shoot her. Ain’t that what you wanted?”

Norm shook his head. “We don’t kill our own, brother.”

“I’m the one doin’ the work. I’ll be the one to accept atonement for this. Now stay here, keep your gun on ‘er.”

Kevin left the room quietly… on his way to kill her friend.

Something inside Sydney snapped.

She saw visions of herself breaking necks and cracking bones. She couldn’t see the faces of those she killed, but there were so many. She could easily kill Norm now, free herself with the broken glass then slice his neck open or stab him in the vocal cords.

She knew she could do it. Then she could shoot Kevin easily right before he got to Benjamin.

She could.

But she wouldn’t.

If she was a killer before- and by the sudden wave of images that invaded her head, she really was - she wasn’t one now.

Norm wasn’t focused on her, instead staring out the room probably at Kevin, looking like a nervous wreck. And to think he took a cheap shot to her knee just a while ago.

Sydney took that chance to finally cut through the ziptie. She didn’t waste any time and went straight for a still fidgeting and panicking Norm.

No killing.

So she stabbed his hand with the broken shard before he could react and fight back. He screamed as he dropped his rifle and Sydney grabbed it.

She heard Kevin yell ‘What the hell!’ from out in the corridor but she ignored it. Too busy getting her revenge on Norm by slamming his head with the butt of his own rifle, effectively knocking him out.

She took cover by the wall beside the open doorframe and yelled “Benjamin you better have your damn gun with you!” at the top of her lungs.

“Rook?!” Benjamin called from outside.

Then she instinctively ducked her head when bullets whizzed by her. “You fucking bitch!” Kevin screamed over the gunshots.

She checked the ammo of her own gun and thanked Norm for having it fully loaded.

If Kevin was still inside the trailer, that meant Benjamin was safe. And she had to make sure that didn’t change.

“Stay where you are, Ben!” Sydney screamed over another hail of bullets.

“What the hell’s happening?” was his reply.

Kevin cackled, his footsteps getting closer. “Like you care what happens to my brothers and sisters. I’ll make sure you don’t hurt anyone else!”

Sydney gripped the rifle tight, and after taking a deep breath, she moved out of cover and saw Kevin with his gun aimed right at her.

Jacob’s voice rang in her head.

‘You’ve been a damn good shot since you got to Hope County.’

She shot Kevin once, in the hand close to his rifle’s trigger. Kevin dropped his gun, yelping in pain.

Sydney slammed her rifle onto one of his legs, causing him to fall over.

She stood above him, keeping her rifle aimed. She kicked Kevin’s own weapon away as he groaned in pain on the floor.

“Finish me off then. Release that Wrath within you.” He pointed at the tattoo on her chest weakly.

“Shut up.” she hissed.

“You can’t run from your past, sinner. You ca-”

She put the rifle away to bend over and punch him hard in the face, knocking him out. There, now she paid them both back for what they did to her.

Sydney stepped back until she felt a wall behind her and slumped down, taking deep breaths.

Her adrenaline rush was slowly fading and she could feel the stinging pain on her face again and how her wrists were sore from being tied up for God knows how long.

She heard a door slam open followed by hurried footsteps. She looked up and saw Benjamin, his pistol out.

“Rook?” he asked softly.

If Kevin and Norm were telling the truth and she did kill people from the Project, maybe everyone else probably knew. And the scene in front of Benjamin probably looked suspicious, what with her being the only one conscious among the three people inside.

“They kidnapped me. They were gonna shoot you so I escaped, knocked them out and-”

“Whoa whoa whoa, easy Rook.” Benjamin placed his gun back in his holster and raised his arms up peacefully. “I know you didn’t have anythin’ to do with this.”

Sydney could only nod stiffly, grateful to her friend. “How’d you know to look for me?”

Benjamin placed his hands back down, and knelt beside her. “Elena got worried when you didn’t show up for breakfast this morning. She went to your cabin to check in on ya but you weren’t there. She asked me to help look for ya.”

He turned to Kevin then back at her, smirking. “Though it looks like you didn’t need my help.”

“What time is it?”

“A little past nine in the mornin’.”

She rubbed her sore wrists. Ok so she wasn’t out for long. Bless Elena’s kind heart for worrying over her. Sydney made a mental note to hug the old woman the next time she saw her.

“Let’s get you outta here, Rook.” Benjamin said, standing from his seat. “Need to get some ice for yer face.”

She frowned and looked over at Kevin. “What about him? And his friend in the room over there?”

“Pfft, assholes’re outcold. I’ll send somebody to get ‘im when we get back.”

Which reminded her, “Where are we exactly?”

“Still on the Father’s island. We’re in a little trailer not too far from the compound.”

Sydney laughed dryly. “How the fuck did those two even sneak me out of there?”

“Bah, prolly while everyone was attending the early sermon. Jacob’s right, we got great guards but anyone could pass through if they knew what our church schedules are, dammit.”

Sydney lifted her head up hearing the redhead’s name. “Does Jacob know? That I was gone?”

Benjamin sighed. “No, not yet. The plan was to tell him if I didn’t find you around the island. Luckily these two idiots were too afraid to stray far.”

Part of her was relieved that Jacob didn’t know. It meant she had time to process this new information by herself first. If he were the one who found her, she might’ve exploded and demanded answers from him. What were he and Joseph hiding from her? Why were they hiding it from her?

Sydney took one more deep breath before carefully standing up, mindful of the small cuts she still had on her legs from the glass. She strapped the rifle to her shoulder and brushed her hair away from her face.

She nodded at Benjamin and placed a hand on his shoulder as he helped her stand. “Thanks, Benjamin. For not accusing me of attacking them. Wasn’t sure what you’d think when you walked in and saw two bodies on the floor.”

Benjamin chuckled. “Aww hell, Rook! I got your back, I know you ain’t gonna hurt any of our own, unlike the two fools you knocked out.”

She smiled tiredly at him before heading out of the trailer, Benjamin following behind her.

Outside, there were two Eden’s Gate trucks. She found her jacket in what was probably Kevin and Norm’s vehicle.

Benjamin guided her to the passenger seat of the other truck before getting into the driver’s seat himself.

He started the engine before turning to her and softly saying, “Hey, I don’t know what those two said to you but, you’re a good person, Rook. We know you’re atoning.”

Sydney let out a short sob, willing herself not to cry. She nodded, keeping her eyes on the road in front of her.

And because she didn’t trust her voice not to crack, she simply said, “Thank you.”

--------------

It was a short drive back to the compound. Benjamin insisted she visit the infirmary first while he went to find Elena.

The doctor informed her nothing was broken. He gave her an ice pack for the swelling on her face to go down and disinfected the cuts on her legs. Thankfully the punches she took weren’t that strong, she only had a few bruises that should be gone in a day.

Elena practically busted the infirmary doors open, her eyes frantic until she spotted Sydney. The old woman looked like she was about to cry, hugging Sydney tightly. Sydney couldn’t help but hug her back, thanking her for being one of the reasons she was able to escape.

When the doctor was done assessing her, Sydney was free to go.

“You need me to stay with you, hun? Just ‘til you fall asleep?” Elena offered as they walked back to Sydney’s cabin.

Sydney shook her head. “That’s very kind of you to offer but I’ll be fine, thank you. You’ve done more than enough for me, already.”

“Oh hush girl! Like I said, we’re family. Then I’ll be back later to drop off your lunch. You just lie down and get your rest.”

“Thank you, that’d be great.”

They went their separate ways and Sydney saw her cabin in front of her.

She would’ve been relieved if not for Jacob leaning on the door.

She felt her heart sink. As much as she wanted to talk to him about what happened, she needed time to go over her thoughts first, untangle the memories that had begun to resurface.

Sydney stopped right in front of Jacob, who stared down at her intensely.

“You look like shit.” he simply said.

“It looks worse than it feels.”

He brought his hand up to move the hair away from her face, surprising her. He whistled as he looked over the swelling. “Damn, that’s still gotta sting though.”

Her chest tightened as Jacob casually and gently touched her, staring at her with those piercing blue eyes of his that sparkled when he genuinely laughed.

Funny how just a few hours ago, she did see them sparkle and she heard that wonderful laugh of his that made her smile when she and Jacob were talking over glasses of milk.

Then she got kidnapped, found out she was a killer and they didn’t tell her.

She turned her head slightly and Jacob paused before putting his hand back down. “The doc said I should be fine by tomorrow.”

He was still blocking her way and Sydney was about to politely ask him to step aside when he suddenly said, “The guys that took you, they-”

“I didn’t kill them.” she hissed.

“Hey, relax. I know. Your friend Benjamin told me.”

“Then can I go? I wanna get out of these dirty clothes already.”

“Look, Sydney I just-”

“Not now just… not now.” Sydney said softly, hoping he wouldn’t push her further. She didn’t feel like exploding in front of Jacob and the whole compound.

She needed to be alone with her thoughts, settle the crazy mess in her head first.

Jacob sighed heavily before finally moving out of her way. “At least get somethin’ to eat.”

His arm brushed hers as he passed her. She didn’t look back at him as she entered her cabin and closed the door behind her. Ironic how the last time they parted ways, it was a completely different mood.

Sydney took a quick shower to wash all the dirt and blood off of her before putting on some clean underwear and dressing in an oversized white shirt with the Project’s logo on it.

Her cheeks and jaw began to throb painfully and she patted them with the ice pack she was given. She stared up at the ceiling and allowed herself to process what she learned earlier, hoping the voices in her head would cooperate.

[having-a-hyperfixate]

The Final Day’‘

This is absolutely going to be long and rambley af so I’mma just put a cut here. This is just one massive post for the entire rest of the game.

Rindo is back in the RG somehow. Which makes less than no sense. What was that crazy beam. Shibuya is GONE there isn’t an RG to send him back to, even if someone did want to send him back?

That beam reminded me of the Jesus beams not gonna lie.

But… Fret. Presumably Nagi and Beat too. They’re. Gone. Poor Rindo… That’s the worst kind of gaslighting. Reality itself is gaslighting this poor kid. ‘Your best friend in the world is gone, so gone that no one remembers him. You don’t even get to mourn properly because there is no one TO mourn.’  I am also not okay.

I assume this random talking to us at Hachiko is the dude I saw a brief glimpse of in a screenshot from the final trailer. Hazuki Mikagi, okay. Everything about this is supremely weird. 

Leading this weirdo around and he asked how we feel about emotions? Um, what?

Was he responsible for that beam of light?

This whole thing is extremely unsettling, I don’t think I like it. The music is all… serene, this guy keeps asking existential questions, who even comes up to some kid clearly having a bad day and demands a tour of the city.

He knows Rindo’s name even though we never told him. Not sure if that was a slip or an intentional nudge that Something is going on but there we go.

‘I should take this chance to apologize for Kubo. He’s a real piece of work.’ WHAT. YOU SEND HIM TO SHINJUKU?!?! IS THIS KID GOD!? WHAT!??!

‘Exorcised’. Like a demon. Which is a psychic rank you can get in the first game, and probably this game, ergo, a thing that exists in this universe.

Okay. So this Hazuki guy is Something Else. I dunno if he’s an Angel or higher or WHAT. He’s something. And he “exorcised” what Fuckwad had Fallen to when he decided not to stop at Shinjuku and continue on to Shibuya. But he only did this after Rindo faught so hard to stop it. And then he gave Rindo what he thought Rindo wanted. And now he’s here trying to understand why Rindo is miserable. Which to us, as humans, is obvious: the people he loved, the connections and family he had made through the game are all gone and worse, no one remembers they ever existed.

And now he’s being offered the chance to try again. This feels like a double edged sword. And I don’t care.

Okay I actually kind of appreciate the thing Hazuki is pulling here. He knows what it is that Rindo wants, I’m pretty sure he’s listening to his thoughts, actually, and in order to make Rindo own up to it he’s arguing the ‘no’ position. Giving Rindo someone to argue against so he can convince himself.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AT UDAGAWA.

Bruh some of these clips were in the announcement trailer.

(I can’t wait to read the secret reports. That’s gonna be a wild ride.)

Oooooh that’s what ‘exorcised’ means. That is hardcore. He definitely deserved it but that is uh. Slightly inconvenient.

Can we actually contact Rhyme this time PLEASE. Oooh Rindo worked out Kaie is waiting for Rhyme. :O I’M FINALLY GONNA GET MY MASSIVE COUNTER OFFENSIVE FUCK YES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I’M PUMPED LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!

Who’s gonna protect them. Beat. Really. Just give them the damn pins at this point. They both know their ways around a fight and Kaie might need the backup. If we lose, we’re all toast regardless, and if we win everyone gets put back where they belong.

AAAAAAAAAAAH SHE’S HERE!!! RHYME!!!! Aw… She can’t see Neku and Shoka cuz they’re actually dead. That’s really depressing. Makes sense but like. Oof. Especially for Neku.

I love that Rhyme still has a saying for everything.

This timeline is going to be a mess by the time I get everything positioned correctly lmao

Beat’s ‘How do you know about my sister?! Right, future.’ is never going to NOT be funny. It’s very refreshing to have a time travel plot where people just listen when he tells them shit needs to happen.

Is it acutaly Shiki time ohh my god. I might cry. Please tell me she has a face now. If her face is still illegal I will actually scream.

I’m offended. We didn’t get to go see Shiki. The betrayal. OH but now we might be? Stop playing with me, game. GIVE. ME. SHIKI.

Rindo was freaking out that we weren’t gonna be able to get rid of all the Noise around the café and I definitely threw my hands up and yelled when I saw the word ‘zeptogram’. And I read it before he said it, cuz I read v. fast. Nice to see you again, idiot. Please don’t go berserk again.

I am. Very impressed that Minamimoto managed to work out where the Dissonance Noise are coming from, down to the exact energy source that creates them. He nailed it. Well done sir.

I think… he’s proposing we awaken the city and use the energy generated by the thoughts and emotions of the living people to neutralize some of the Dissonance Noise that are waiting in the pin. Erode some of its power.

“How about this: I’ll talk, you type.” Lmao.

I got denied Shiki again. Part of me is annoyed. The other part of me is like ‘are they saving her entrance for when she can see Neku again properly because I can live with that’.

OH the Hishima cutscene is voiced now OKAY. Guess that means this is the one. Rhyme is voiced too. This is gonna be it.

And she speaks Minamioto. Coo.

Huh. Neku’s power is to sync with people. Which he learned to do in the first game. From Mr H, with the harmonizer pin. (Twister is playing and I have Emotions help) And now he’s gonna do it on an absolutely MASSIVE scale. This is insane. I am 1,000% here for it. Sync, Dive, Remind. And if I had to guess, we’re doing this atop 104.

Alright Shiba. ‘Mere. Tsugumi’s eyes aren’t all freaky anymore yay. Oh snap. He’s gonna unleash the Plague Noise against the Dissonance ones. Nice. Turnabout is fair play. I’m kinda sad Fuckwad isn’t here to witness that.

Alright. Change. Our. Fate.

SHIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gave myself a headache ow.

“07734.” “Ew. Hey! Don’t just spout off numbers and walk away, you jerk!” That was amazing.

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. NO. NO WAY. I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS ANY WAY. OH. MY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. This is the first time Neku’s seen him since Joshua failed to stop Coco from killing him. I’m. A puddle. Help. Neku looked so happy. My cat is slightly concerned haha.

Neku still holds his hands like he’s got the headphones. The same pose as in the first game when you scan. This gives me all the feels.

“They’re just mindless thoughts” Okay so I’m mentally exhausted at this point and I processed that as ‘thots’ and it was hilarious. BEGONE THOTS.

Okay this thing right here? This is a final boss. And it is cool as fuck. Too bad it’s trying to END ME. So cool. SO. COOL. Here comes phase 2 lol. I died and had to redo it. FML.

That. Was awesome. A worthy successor to the epic final strike of the first game. 999% eh?

I continue to not like Shinjuku rules. Once you’re a Reaper, leaving means you get erased once the game ends? Disrespectfully, fuck that. Oh don’t you dare, Shoka. Don’t. You. Dare.

Oh, Joshua is here. PLEASE. Lmao Shoka’s reaction. I’m sure he appreciates that, the drama queen.

*facepalms* Joshua strikes again. I’ve missed you, you little shit. You are terrible, but I missed you. Rindo, I’m pretty sure she’s fine. I think captain helpful over here reincarnated her for you. Since you saved him and his city. I guess I’ll see though.

Uzuki and Kariya continue to be adorable. I love them. And yeah, good luck calling in that debt from Minamimoto, Coco. Gooooood luck.

I’m having a lot of Joshua centered emotions right now there is too much Joshua all at once help. “I should have known I could trust you.” You are killing me dude. You really, really should have. I’m going to turn that line over in my head for way too long, I just know it, but let’s try to get through this before my brain turns off completely. “Let’s not keep her waiting.” OKAY THANKS I’M GONNA CRY AGAIN.

What Hazuki was saying about ‘purifying’ as opposed to ‘destroying’ Shinjuku makes me think that restarting it in some form was always part of the plan, so hopefully they’ll have luck with that. It’s still profoundly fucked up that any of that happened, and even more so that it was sanctioned. I’m. Going to be hung up on that for a while once it sinks in.

This poor idiot hitting on Rhyme is about to get got oh no XD

Shiki is breaking my heart. Aaaaaaaah!!! Reunioooooon.

Ooof it’s been a month since Rindo saw Shoka. Big oof. Joshuaaaaaa.

And then they almost got hit by a car lmao. OMG HE MISSED HER FRIEND REQUESTS AHAHAHAHAH YOU GOOBER. Neku really should have warned them that Joshua is Like That lol. Even when he’s being helpful it’s in the must backhanded way possible.

I would very much like to know why on earth Shinjuku needed to be obliterated though. Like. Does that… Happen often? Maybe the secret reports say.

Speaking of, time to get those, along with the rest of the trophies.

!!!! The title screen updated, NICE. Can’t let anyone who hasn’t beaten it see that but NICE.

There’s another Another Day. Oh boy. I am not ready for that madness yet.

Random thought as I was moving this from word, where I typed it: I’m really, really fucking glad they didn’t decide to deal with Mr H the way they dealt with sleezy mcfuckwad. That would have been… I don’t have a word.

[writingwife-83]

Sooo anyone remember a little one shot I wrote called Green? Well 3 months later and I finally decided to write part 2! 😄 thanks for reading it over @thisisartbylexie ❤️

Ben turned his dishwasher on, poured himself a glass of water, and shut the kitchen light off with a little sigh. It had been a long Friday, and frankly a long week, so it was definitely time to turn in for the night. He was looking forward to a restful and uneventful weekend until Monday morning rolled around again.

As he left his kitchen and shuffled toward his bedroom though, he heard something coming from outside. The moment he began following the noises toward his balcony, it became clear there were definitely voices. He grimaced in confusion as he drank some of the cool water, trying to figure out exactly what he was hearing.

The moment he opened his balcony door, he realized that was definitely Rey’s voice he could hear above. She had to have her balcony door open as well because it was pretty loud.

“No no!” she yelled. “Don’t!”

Ben heard a man's voice yelling as well.

“Oh you’d better get out of my way or I’m moving you myself!”

Rey screamed and that’s when Ben's blood ran cold. Something was happening up there and it definitely wasn’t good. He set his glass down and stepped out onto the balcony, peering upward where he could see light coming from Rey’s apartment.

“Hello?” Ben called. “Hey, Rey, you ok up there?”

Rey screamed again. “Ugh! I hate you!”

”You’re not getting away this time!” the man yelled.

That’s when Ben heard a loud crash like something had fallen and broken. Adrenaline instantly flooded his body, head to toe. He threw sneakers on and grabbed his phone and keys, shoving them in his pocket, and hurried out of his apartment.

He flew up to the next floor, climbing about three steps at a time, and raced down the hallway until he was at her apartment. Ben immediately began pounding on the door.

“Rey?! Rey!” He paused only a split second before knocking again with full force. “If someone doesn’t open this door in about ten seconds I’m breaking it down, you hear me?!”

After slamming his fist against the door a few more times, Ben backed up, taking a few deep breaths and preparing to use every muscle in his body to get into that apartment. Just before he was about to charge though, the door swung open and he found himself face to face with Rey, who thankfully looked perfectly safe and sound. Ben released a breath of relief, perching his hands on his hips.

“Oh, thank God, I’m glad you’re-“

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Ben stared back at her, a little confused at the biting response.

“I just- I heard loud voices and-“

“Ok so first it’s my plants that are aggressively dripping onto your balcony that makes you nearly break my door down, and now it’s noise?”

A man stepped into the doorway next to Rey.

“Rey, what’s going on?” He scowled at Ben, crossing his arms. “Who is this guy? Is he bothering you?”

Ben felt his shackles rising again.

“Am I bothering her?” He huffed. “I think the better question is if you’re bothering her!”

The man’s brows shot up and he took a step forward. “Excuse me?!”

Rey shoved herself in front of the man, putting her palms up in protest.

“Hold on, hold on!” She turned to face Ben again. “Look, I dunno what your problem is but I think you’d better go.”

“I’m not leaving until I’m sure things are safe up here,” Ben insisted, standing his ground and giving the man behind her a hard stare.

Rey grimaced. “Safe? Why wouldn’t things be safe?”

Ben pointed toward Rey’s balcony. “Your door was open. It’s past midnight, I could hear you guys screaming at each other from all the way downstairs, and it was pretty obvious things were getting physical, so I don’t really like the idea of going back downstairs and leaving you alone with him still-“

He stopped short when he realized that both Rey and this man had started...laughing? Ben had a difficult time seeing what could be funny and at this point he was just getting annoyed.

“I’m so sorry,” Rey sputtered out. “We were playing a video game! That’s what you heard!”

Ben froze for a moment, embarrassment slowly starting to creep in as the weight of that statement sunk in.

“Oh...my God,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “I- I went on my balcony and called up to see if you were ok and you didn’t answer.”

“Headphones,” the man replied simply, pointing to the coffee table where two sets of headphones lay.

“Right.” Ben nodded sheepishly. “Headphones.”

“We finally paused the game cuz I knocked my lamp over and broke it, like an idiot,” Rey explained with a laugh. “That’s when I heard you practically knocking a hole through my door.”

“Thankfully you caught me before I broke it down.”

The man laughed.

“You kinda look like you could break it down. I’m glad I didn’t have to try and fight you because I feel like that wouldn’t have gone well for me.” He offered his hand. “Hey, I’m Finn.”

Ben gave him a small smile and accepted the hand shake. “Ben. Good to meet you.”

A door opened across the hall, catching their attention.

“What exactly is going on out here at this time of night?” an older woman asked sternly.

“Sorry, Maz! Just a little misunderstanding but it’s all cleared up,” Rey replied kindly. “We’ll keep it down now, I promise.”

She shoved Finn back into the apartment, and before Ben knew what was happening he felt Rey take hold of his tee shirt and tug him inside as well, shutting the door after them.

“Oh you don’t have to- I mean, I can just go back downstairs now that I know everything’s fine,” Ben offered, now definitely feeling like he was imposing.

He hated to admit it, but more than likely this was Rey’s boyfriend, so what were the chances they wanted anyone else hanging out with them after midnight?

Rey shrugged as she opened her fridge. “I know it’s late, so you don’t have to stay if you don’t want, but we’re happy to have you. Right, Finn?”

“Absolutely,” Finn agreed, and seemed to mean it.

“Besides, I just wanted to clear out of the hallway before Maz calls anyone. She’s sweet but you don’t want to be on her bad side.” Rey pried the top off a bottle she’d just taken out of the fridge and held it out to Ben with a smile. “Beer?”

Ben held her gaze for another second of deliberation, then finally reached out and took the bottle, his fingers brushing over Rey’s as he did. The amount of pleasant electricity he felt from the first touch of her skin against his made him hope he wasn’t visibly blushing. Especially with her boyfriend standing right there watching!

“Thanks,” Ben said quietly and took a swig. “I guess I’ll stay for a few minutes.”

A few minutes turned into more than an hour.

Ben tried his best to fend them off, but a few minutes after they’d all sat down Rey and Finn insisted he play the video game as well. It wasn’t really his thing but when Rey actually took his hand and placed the controller in it, he found himself unable to keep saying no. Despite himself, he had a pretty fantastic time. Maybe this was a better antidote to his long week at work than turning in early.

“I taught her everything she knows,” Finn boasted playfully as Ben set the controller down after being heated by Rey.

“Don’t listen to him! He barely ever beats me.” Rey gave Finn a little shove then smiled at Ben. “I guess we’ve always been a little competitive.”

Ben glanced between the two of them in curiosity. “Always?”

Rey took a sip of her beer, nodding. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. We were in the same foster home for a couple of years and we’ve kept in touch ever since.”

“Yeah, she’s the annoying sister I never had,” Finn added, which earned him another shove.

Ben nodded, intense relief washing over him as he realized that these two had a very different relationship than he initially assumed.

“So…” Finn spoke up again. “You are the guy who freaked out over the dripping plants right?”

“Finn!” Rey hissed, covering her face as she stifled a laugh.

Ben chuckled, shrugging one shoulder in resignation. “Yep, that’s me.”

“I’ve been a little more careful lately,” Rey said with a little smile. “Trying to water them late at night when you probably wouldn’t be out there. It’s not that I didn’t care at all, it was just…”

“I was a jerk.”

“Yeah, basically,” Rey confirmed, and they both laughed a little.

“Trust me, I’ve told her it’s a little bit of an addiction,” Finn interjected. “As you can see, there’s an entire collection of plants inside too!”

Ben glanced around. “I definitely can see that.”

“You two can laugh all you want, but I’m willing to bet that the air is way cleaner in my apartment than yours is,” Rey shot back playfully. “Don’t come crying to me when the city air is choking you!”

As quiet set in again, Ben found that Rey’s eyes had settled on him and he also realized he was having trouble looking away. But as much as he was enjoying this, he was still self conscious enough that he didn’t want to overstay his welcome.

“Well, thanks for the beer. And the game,” Ben said, taking his empty bottle and standing. “I should probably head back downstairs.”

Finn stood as well, stretching a little. “Yeah, I should go too. I’ll save Rey the trouble of kicking me out like usual.”

Ben put his bottle in the recycling and made his way to the door along with Finn and Rey. He watched awkwardly as the two of them embraced warmly and Rey gave Finn a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll text you later ok?”

“Sounds good. Hey, nice to meet you Ben.”

Ben gave him a little nod. “You too.”

Ben stepped into the hallway along with Finn, but he hung back a little as Finn continued walking.

“Sorry about the aggressive entrance...again,” Ben said once they were alone.

Rey smiled. “It’s ok. At least this time you have a more noble excuse. Thanks, by the way.”

Ben shrugged. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah but you would have. You were ready to break down my door because you thought someone was hurting me. I’d say that’s pretty nice.”

He gave her a little smirk. “Well naturally I was pretty concerned for all the plants. I mean, where would they be if something happened to you?”

She laughed, leaning on her door frame. “Now that I know you care so much I’m definitely leaving them all to you in my will.”

Silence set in again and Ben decided he was really going to make himself leave this time.

“Ok, well, thanks again. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“What about tomorrow?”

Ben blinked, taken aback for a moment. “Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, maybe you want to come back upstairs for a movie and some pizza tomorrow night.”

He pressed his lips together, hesitating a bit. “If you guys already have plans I don’t want to keep intruding.”

Rey’s eyes suddenly seemed to be sparkling and she gave him a gentle smile. “Actually...I just meant with me.”

Oh, just her.

Oh.

Ben swallowed hard, trying to remember how to form words as the nature of this invitation was becoming clearer.

“Sure, I’d like that,” he somehow managed.

The grin she gave him was more beautiful than anything he’d seen in a long time.

“Ok great. Oh!” She reached out. “Hey, can I see your phone?”

Ben fished it out of his pocket, unlocked it and handed it over. He was a little rusty so it took him a moment to realize what she was doing as he watched her typing.

“There,” Rey said with a smile, finally handing his phone back as he heard a little ding inside her apartment. She pointed behind her. “That was you texting me. And now you have my number.”

Ben glanced down at the message screen, instantly letting out a short laugh.

-THANKS FOR INVITING ME OVER TOMORROW NIGHT SO I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING FOR REASONS TO BREAK YOUR DOOR DOWN :)

And just like that, Ben was no longer hoping for a quiet and uneventful weekend.

[queenofangrymoths]

The Invitation - Final Draft

I wrote this for a grade. Enjoy. Beth is owned by @allthenewsiesaregay-bitch

~

The invitation sat on the kitchen table for about an hour. Ash was staring at it when Beth came back from a late shift. “Hey - uh, why are you creepily staring at an envelope?” Ash turned her gaze on Beth, her eyes narrowed as she seemed to be thinking something over. “That doesn’t mean look at me creepily.”

“My sister is getting married.” the sentence rolled off Ash’s tongue. It was a good thing, Jessica planned her wedding a long time ago. It was about time she got married, she’d been dating Cindy for what, five years? Six? Time was starting to blur together for her.

“That’s nice...so what’s the problem?” Beth grabbed a beer out of the fridge. 

Ash rubbed her face, frustrated. “I told my family I was dating someone. Just  to get them off my back but she’s sent two tickets.”

“So you want me to save you from your mess.” Beth cracked open the beer, lifting the bottle to her lips. 

“Mama kept asking when I was going to get married....” Ash pinches the bridge of her nose, breathing in deep. “She means well but I got frustrated. So yeah, I made one up, sue me. Are you going to help me or not?” It came out as a growl, something that only happened if Ash was really frustrated. 

“Sure.” Beth took a swing. Ash leaned back in her chair, sighing in relief “Isn’t your family like super catholic thought? How are you going to get around the whole church thing?”

“She’s not getting married in a church,” Standing, Ash got herself a beer.

“Why not?” 

 “Cuz they’re lesbians, Harold,” She took a long swing. She and Jess were the rainbow sheep of the family. Ash came out by attending the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights in 1987 and getting caught on camera. Jessica came out in the 2000s. No church wedding for either of them. It might bum Jess out but with Ash’s vampirism, that was just fine.

“That fucking sucks.” 

Ash shrugged. “It was never in our cards,” they drank their beers in silence. “Thanks.”

“Your welcome.” The following week was filled with preparation for the trip to LA.  Ash went dress shopping. She assumed Beth got a suit or something. Vacation days were used to cover the two three day trip. “Hey, babe?” 

Ash stopped packing for a split second, blinking from the shock. Did she…? She went out to the living room. “Did you just...call me babe?” Beth was filling out some paperwork, Ash was pretty sure it was about making Draco her emotional support snake. 

“Yeah? I figured we’d start using the pet names so it’ll sound natural,” Beth scribbled on a piece of scrap paper, grumbling as no ink came out. “Do you have a pen I can borrow?” 

“Give me a sec -” she went into her room, grabbed a pen, and handed it to her. “Here you go..uh,  honey,” a blush creped on her ashen cheeks. Get it together, idiot! She reprimanded herself. 

Beth wrinkled her nose. “Don’t call me that.” 

“Then what do I call you?” 

Holding up three fingers, Beth counted them off. “Stars, lover, and darling.” 

“You got Lover from Hadestown, didn’t you, lover?” It felt strange - calling Beth ‘lover’ but it wasn’t a bad strange. She liked it, maybe a little too much but she shoved the feeling down. 

“Maybe,” Ash laughed, heading back to her room. After a couple days of practice, the pet names slide off both of their tongues with ease. The day had arrived. The bags were packed, there was only one last thing to do before they could head to the airport. “Okay, Draco, you’re going to have to be brave, okay?” Beth stroked his scales as Ash held the sack open. “Babe, give him a boop of good luck.” 

“Darling, just put him in the sack.” Really, if they could keep Draco in the cabin - they would. Unfortunately, that was against regulations. Draco would be traveling in a sack in a box, labeled LIVE ANIMAL - SNAKE. 

“Give him a boop of good luck, babe.” Beth repeated, determined

“Jesus…” Ash sighed and dropped the sack down. Gently, she booped the ball python’s snout. Draco flickered his tongue, continuing to make heart eyes at Ash. “Now, lover put him in the sack.” 

Beth sighed and muttered some encouragement to Draco. Finally, she placed him gently in the sack. After tying it shut, Ash put him in the box and sealed it up. “He’s going to be fine,” Ash told Beth as she put her seatbelt on in the Broom, Beth’s car.

“Yeah. I know.” Beth drove them to the Airport, as they arrived, Ash shuttered.

Airports. Ash hated airports. Before 9/11, it was so easy. Now it was hell. Beth was uncomfortable and Ash was mildly annoyed. Luckily, she didn’t snap and bite a TSA agent. “Should I ask how the fuck your sister afford first class?” Beth was gently stroking the armchairs, surprised how comfortable they were

“She does the books for some rich companies. They pay her good,” Ash and Jes both could do math. They were too powerful but luckily, only one of them was alive. 

“Are you sure she doesn’t embezzle?” 

“If she does then good for her.” Ash adjusted her hat. Her sister knew about her...condition, Ash noticed small details about how much thought her sister put into this. They were flying at night, it would be dark in LA when they arrived, and her sister’s wedding ceremony was after sunset. All to make sure Ash wouldn’t die. 

The flight went smoothly. When they landed in LA, three hours and fifty minutes later, Beth was eager to get her familiar back. “Walk - walk! Star, you’re going to run into someone!” Ash ran after Beth- her fake girlfriend rushing to the baggage pick up. Miraculously, no one was run over. 

“Where is he, where is he?” Beth mumbled as Ash caught her breath next to her. When his box slides down the baggage carousel, Beth rushed forward to grab the box.  Ash, on the other hand, went for their luggage. “Got him!” A big grin spread across Beth’s face. 

Aw shit, she’s cute. Get it together Ash.“That’s great, lover, let's get out of here,” Airports were always so much nicer when you were leaving. Out on the sidewalk with traffic racing by them, Ash whistle down a cab. Eventually, a cab stopped and they rushed forward. When Beth shoved the bags in the trunk, Ash popped in and told the guy the address of the hotel. “Isn’t this your first time in LA?”

“Yeah.” Beth was looking out the tinted window. 

“Do you want to go sightseeing?” It was a couple years since Ash was in the city but Ash knew the city like the back of her hand. Say no, She was tired, in a desperate need for a nap.

“Nah.” Ash sighed with relief, setting into mild silence. When they arrived, Beth paid the cabbie “Keep the change,” They got the bags and Beth stared at the hotel  “Your sister is rich, isn’t she.” 

“I don’t know” They walked into the hotel, Ash making a beeline to the desk. “I have a reservation for Ash Carissima Lucy Vecellio, made by Jessica Vedattie Agatha Vecellio?” Ash put on her best smile. The clerk continued to type at the computer looking up their reservation.

“Why four fucking names?” Beth muttered but Ash ignored her

“Can I see your ID?” asked the clerk. Ash whipped out her driver's license - the new one, forged with an appropriate birth year and handed it to the clerk. If she carried around her old one, no one believed she was actually sixty-two when she doesn’t look a day over twenty-three.

The clerk checked it over then handed it back “Everything seems to order. Here are your keys. Room 721 on the seventh floor,” The woman handed them two thin cards. “Have a nice evening,” 

“Have a nice evening,” Ash repeated, dragging her suitcase to the elevator. 

“Really, why four names?” Beth asked again.

Ash pushed the button then hit the >< buttons, making the doors close.“It’s a catholic thing.” Really everything from the first 23 years of her life was a catholic thing. “When someone is confirmed, they take the name of a saint. I picked Saint Lucy.”

“The saint of….?” 

“The blind. Our church had a statue of her, it was pretty rad.” 

“Please never say that ever again.” Before Ash could retort, the elevator shuddered to a stop and opened its grey doors. Out they went, searching for their room. “This is it.” Beth unlocked the door and walked in. It was a nice room, comfortable enough and then Ash walked into the bedroom

“There are two beds!!”Ash screeched, surprised. Two king-sized beds, cloaked in white sheets stood before her. Beth didn’t respond, she was too busy opening up Draco’s box and releasing the snake. 

“Hey, buddy! How was your flight?” Draco poked out of the sack and flickered his tongue. 

Ash picked her bed, the right, and pulled her suitcase on top of it. “Alright, lover, we’re here for two days. Tomorrow is the wedding and on Sunday, we fly back home.”

“Sounds good. Your family knows you’re a vamp, right?” Beth scooped up Draco, placing him on her neck and hauled her suitcase on her bed. She opened it, tossing her grimoire on the bed. No witch left home without hers- Beth was no exception.

“The immediate family does,” Ash rushed to the closet to hang up her dress, hiding it from view before Beth could see. “Let’s keep it a secret, what we’re wearing,” They made a deal back in Chicago. Best to keep it a surprise, it made Ash smile. “The rest were told I developed a skin condition and a garlic allergy.”

“Mhm.” Upon finishing unpacking, Ash opened a shampoo bottle and drank straight from it, her teeth stained red. “Blood in a shampoo bottle. Smart.”

“When I moved to Chicago, it was so easy. No one questioned why I had so many water bottles.” She wiped her mouth, not one drop of red on her clothes or sheets. Her eyes brightened once she drank.

Beth looked at a clock. 10:55 glared back in white block letters. “You staying up, babe?” 

Ash dug out her pajama shirt from her suitcase, pulling off her shirt. She shook her head, working to unclasp her bra. If this sounds descriptive this is because Beth didn’t, no that’s the wrong word, couldn’t stop watching her. Ash stretched her hands to the sky, her eyes shut.. “No,” she took her time in putting on the old dress shirt, leaving the last three buttons unbuttoned. “Shouldn’t you be setting up Draco’s terrarium, not looking at my tits, Lover?” 

“Fuck you.” Ash’s laugh followed Beth out of the room. She was asleep by the time Beth came back in the room, not even stirring as Beth undressed and climbed into her bed. She turned off the lights, the room engulfed in darkness. The only sounds were Ash’s soft breathing, Beth fell asleep pretty quickly.  

The first half of the day was calm. Beth woke up to see Ash changing into a casual outfit, to which she quickly closed her eyes. Nope, nope, don’t be a peeping Tom. “It’s about time you woke up,” Ash clipped her bra then slipped into the bathroom. 

“How did you know I’m awake?” Beth sat up, rubbing her eyes

Ash replied while brushing her teeth, her words bubbled and barely understandable. “Your heartbeat spiked!”

“Oh...so when is the wedding??” Ash walked out, standing before her in sweats and a loose tank top. “It starts at nine and the reception should end somewhere around midnight or later. We should be there by eight-thirty.” 

Beth checked the clock on her bedside, it read 11:50. “We got what, eight hours to kill? What are we going to do?” 

“I’m going to get some breakfast. Want to join me, lover?” Was there any way to say no to that smile? Beth didn’t think so as she nodded and got out of bed. After a nice breakfast, they chilled in their room. The fake couple watched several movies with Draco coiled around Beth’s neck. It was after five that things got hectic. A chaotic mess of getting ready, making sure they knew where the garden was, then the waiting game. It wasn’t until sundown after all. 

“Hey, are you done yet?” Beth drummed her fingers on her top hat. Getting into a suit was easier than trying to zip up a dress herself and she’d heard Ash stumble and curse several times since she left to change in the living room. 

“Just- just get in here and help me!” Ash hissed, her fingers clawing at her back in an attempt to zipper up the back. Beth set her hat on the coffee, walking into the bedroom. Ash was wandering around, most of her outfit complete with makeup and heels on. With three-inch heels, Ash made the height difference between them from three inches to a solid five inches, standing at a solid 6’. 

“Hold still.” Ash huffed and folded her arms across her chest. Beth stood on her tippy toes as she zipped up the dress. “Why wear heels- you’re 5 '8,” she grumbled. 

“Jealous, lover?” Ash smirked

Beth rolled her eyes then hooked the dress up. “You wish. There, you’re good. You finished?” She checked her watch, they had an hour to walk to the garden and find good seats. 

“Give me one sec,” Ash walked to the dresser and picked up one of her perfume bottle. She spritzed some of it on her neck, rubbing it in. “C’mere, lover,” she walked over to Beth and before she could protest - she was hit with a squirt of perfume. “There, we match~” Ash purred, showing her fangs. “You can look now.” 

To put it simply, Ash’s dress was gorgeous. Black, of course, sleeveless, and covered in an assortment of flowers giving it shy pops of color. Hands covered by black gloves, if not for her pentagram scars on her left palm, she wouldn’t be wearing them. Her make up was simple, just blush and dark red lipstick. Her dark locks swept over her shoulders. She was gorgeous- Beth considered herself lucky she didn’t blush. “You look great, babe,” 

“Darling, who gave you the right to steal Cara Delevingne’s look?” Ash muttered as she straightened Beth’s silver tie. Honestly, Beth needed to wear more suits because damn did she look good. Ash was biting the inside of her mouth to make sure she didn’t say something she’d regret. 

“Who says she didn’t steal it from me?” Ash giggled, letting go of Beth’s silver tie. “We should go,”

“We should,” Ash took her fake girlfriend’s arm as they left. “You have one of the hotel keys, right?” Beth responded by patting on her breast pocket. “Good,” then they walked hand in hand to the garden, found good seats, and waited. It was a beautiful wedding, really. Ash cried at least once, using provided tissues to cover her face as she cried blood. 

“Okay, this is the hard party,” Ash sniffled as they walked into the reception. “My family is going to mostly ignore us, seeing how it’s not my wedding but Mama is going to hound us for maybe twenty minutes?” 

“Do you not...like your mother?” Beth asked, her tone certainly conveyed she might not. 

“No, dummy, I just don’t want to get caught.” Ash hissed. 

There wasn’t much time between the little exchange between the fake lovers before a yell shattered the villa. “Topolino!!!” an old woman yelled in joy as she rushed towards them, drawing Ash into a big hug. Ash squealed with delight and hugged her back. “My darling girl, you are too thin! Have you been eating enough?”  If not for the dynamic between the two women, Beth knew this was Ash’s mother by how they looked alike- her mother was aged, smaller, and round Ash. 

“Mama, you know I have, I just miss your cooking!” Ash giggled. The two finally let go of each other and Ash stepped towards Beth, putting an arm around her. “Mama, this is my girlfriend - Beth,” She announced with a smile. 

Beth tipped her hat towards Ash’s mother, smiling at her. “Hello, Ma’am,”

Ash’s mother frowned at her. Anna Vani Cecilia Velicello had seen all of Ash’s affairs, the good and the bad. In a short minute, she seized up Beth and Ash, seeing how they held each other. Her daughter seemed so happy holding this woman’s arm and the girl did look harmless. “Are you treating my Ashely well, Beth?”

Ash covered her face, faking shock. “Mama, do you not trust my judgment?!” “Frankly, no, dear.” her mother answered flatly. Ash frowned but it was fair. She had picked several bad choices in who she dated. Now her mother turned her death glare at Beth, waiting for her answer. 

“How else am I supposed to treat her, Ma’am?” Beth smiled, being honest as she could be, her pinning heart winning over her mouth. 

After a tense moment, Ash’s mother relaxed, a massive worry seeming to be lifted from her shoulders. “Welcome to the family, Beth,” she reached up and patted her cheek. “Enjoy the party! Anthony, stop eating the cookies, you maiale!” then she was gone. 

“Your name isn’t a cool pun on your vampirism?????” Beth whispered as they slipped into the crowds, Ash waving to relatives as they went. Her cheeks were already aching from all of the smiling. 

“Shut the fuck up, Bethany.” she hissed. 

It was later during the reception Beth learned how well Ash could hold her liquor. Not at all. Ashley Carissima Lucy Velcellio was a lightweight. “You’re telling me you are sixty-two years old and a lightweight?” Beth was from the deep south where she had her first beer at thirteen. 

Ash giggled, her cheeks red before she covered them. “Yep!” What a troublemaker a drunken vampire could be, the most interesting incident went like this, “I’m not scoopable.” she muttered into her glass. At this point, she was as drunk as a skunk.

“You’re not what?” Beth set her glass on the bar. 

“Scoopable. I tend to date people who are shorter than me but dammit, I just want to be held in someone's arms but I’m just not-” she hiccuped, “scoopable.”

“Yes, yes you are,” Beth was standing as Ash scrunched up her face in confusion. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m not- oh! Oh!” She squeaked as Beth scooped her up, holding her fine in her arms. 

“You ARE scoopable!” Beth declared, watching Ash threw back her head in a full laugh - her fangs on display, glittering in the lights. 

“Okay, okay, lover! You’ve proven your point!” Ash giggled. She giggled a lot when she was drunk, Beth noticed. Ash’s cheeks were red, sometimes she slurred her words, and her face was always dangerously close to Beth’s. 

“I like keeping you in my arms, we’re finally level.” Ash giggled again. “You’re kind of cute from up here,” it was the last thing Beth got out of her mouth before Ash did the unthinkable - She kissed Beth. 

And Beth kissed her back.  

“Gods, I’ve been wanting to do that since...like forever,” Ash said with a giggled when they pulled away, licking her lips. She tastes like beer. Normally, she’d be disgusted but right now, she didn’t care. 

“You taste like vodka,” was all Beth could say, her brain short-circuited.

“Well excuse me - you don’t taste much better!” But it didn’t stop her from kissing her again. “Pinning sucks, I like kissing better,” Ash against her lips.

“Let’s stop pinning and just kiss,”

“Deal,” Ash giggled and kissed her again but then she stopped. Someone screamed the bouquets were going to be thrown. “Oh! Put me down! Put me down, lover girl!” Beth complied.  Ash grabbed her hand, dragging her in the directions of the scream. “Come on, one of us gotta catch it, right?” Ash laughed, drunk and high on Beth’s kisses. 

Ash didn’t remember Beth carrying her back to the hotel - her sister’s bouquet of roses and calla lilies clenched tightly in her hand. She did remember changing out of her dress, Beth herding her into bed before Ash pulled her into another kiss That night they slept in the same bed. 

In the morning, Ash woke first, her head aching. Gods above, how much did I drink? Ash wondered as she climbed out of the bed. She spent five minutes digging through her bag for some Tylenol. With pills taken and several blood pouches drained, she turned her attention to the sleeping witch. Gently, she touched her lips, her cheeks turning red. We kissed. We actually kissed! The details were a muddled haze of drinking and laughter but she remembered being in Beth’s arms and decided fuck it! What if she doesn’t remember? The anxiety goblin whispered, the color draining out of her cheeks. “What if she doesn’t remember…” 

“Only one way to find out...wake up, lover,” Ash, again, decided to fuck it and poked Beth’s cheek. “We need to get ready or we’ll miss our plane,”

Beth opened her dark eyes, blinking them at the vampire hovering over her. Thoughts of last night filled her. The main one being how a drunk, giggling vampire kissed her. Kissed. “You...you don’t have to call me lover anymore,” She forced herself to say it. She doubted Ash remembered most of the last evening. With how much she drank last night, there’s no way she remembers.

Ash frowned. “Listen, I’m all for silent pinning and that shit but I kissed you last night. You kissed me back. So I just assumed we were dating. Guess I assumed wrong-” she didn’t get to finish. Beth pulled her down into a kiss.

“You still taste like vodka,” said Beth when they finally pulled away. 

“Oh, sue me.” Ash huffed. “Now come on, we’re going to miss our flight if you don’t get your ass out of bed.” A couple hours, they were back in Chicago and back in their apartment.

“Hey, did you see that Ash and Beth are holding hands?” Calla, the faerie, nudged her girlfriend as they left the building, passing the couple on their way up to their apartment. 

“Don’t remind me,” whined the selkie. 

“You owe me ten bucks, Shannon.” 

“I know, Calla!”

[anastasiaskarsgard]

X Marks the spot

Part 3

Brooke POV

Midsummer

Selling a house was so much more work than it seemed. Mark was a godsend. I don’t know what I would of done without him. I knew I had to keep my guard up tho.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s an absolute gentleman. Always respectful. Never tries anything. I wasn’t cautious of him because how he treated me, it was because the way people reacted to him.

Every time we ran to the hardware store, or grabbed a bite to eat, he knew everyone. I understand when you live in a smaller town it’s like that, however, it was either almost hero worship reaction... or hate.

And if it was a female, they were clearly not impressed with me.

But I knew that with a guy that all the girls like, and all the guys worship was dangerous. It was tough, cuz he was so gorgeous and tall, and oh my god, how his muscles look when he was working in the yard.... the man was delicious.

Plus, his creativity with his work. He added this cute cobblestone path and an adorable bridge that gave the yard an almost fairy tale feel. He built a few planters and moved some trees and flowers around and it was wild how different the house looked. It was so welcoming. You’d never guess it had the history it did.

I assumed they’d cleaned up all the blood after that terrible night. I thought they would of gotten rid of the bloody carpets and shower curtain. The toothpaste tubes and the bath toys. My little nieces nightgown and her slippers.

Nope. It was all still there, covered in blood. I wasn’t sure if it was my sisters blood or Nicks’ blood,but when I went up those stairs, I crumpled to the ground, and I couldn’t breathe. I had never had a panic attack in my life, but I knew that’s what had happened. I don’t know what I would of done, if Mark hadn’t been there to sweep me up, and take me downstairs.

I don’t even know if he realized I blacked out a moment. I just remember waking up to his worried face, and thinking; ‘He is so beautiful’. For a moment, that’s all there was, his face.

Then it all came crashing back down on me, and I needed to be held. And he did. He didn’t object when I straddled him. Who does that to a guy they just met?

It surprised me when I snapped out of it, and realized how intimately i was holding him. I didn’t feel any signs that he was aroused, and was slightly taken aback. What 20 year old has that kind of self control? Not to toot my own horn, but I’m not ugly, and he’s a guy.

(Flashback)

“Brooke? Baby?” Mark asked me as I straddled him, and nuzzled into his neck.

“Baby?” I asked incredulously, pulling back to look at his face.

He was blushing. He’s so fucking adorable.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t call you baby. You’re not a baby, you’re obviously a grown woman. And I’m a man, so calling you baby.... where the fuck was I going with this?” He looked like he might cry.

I wanted to kiss him so bad. We sat there, just staring at each other for several minutes. Finally I got off of him, but I can’t forget the look in his eyes when I did.

He looked lost.

(End flashback)

After that, he’d made me a list of things to go pick up while he single-handed cleaned everything upstairs and got rid of all the bloody stuff.

Fast forward to now; He showed up everyday for a few hours for the past month. Even after the yard was done, he saw it through to the end.

now the house was finally ready to be listed. I should be excited, but I’m terrified. I’ve grown to enjoy Marks company, and now today was our last lunch. There wasn’t anymore reason to see each other after today.

I nervously looked for his truck. What if he didn’t show up? he was 5 minutes late and he was never late. I ordered another drink and decided to wait a bit longer. I got to chatting with the bartender, and when I told her who I’m waiting for, she bought me a shot.

Some girls that were also at the bar knew Mark too, and they bought me a shot as well. And then I bought them shots, and then we decided fuck yes kareoke! Who cares if it was Applebee’s. We. Were. Smashed.

I didn’t care though, because I thought I’d been stood up, so I was on the mic serenading these bitches, when guess who finally walked in?

“Motherfucking Mark is here ladies! 43 minutes late!” I said into the mic so everyone could hear. Did I mention this was At Applebee’s?

Mark turned red and rushed over to me. “Brooke what are you doing?” He asked quietly, pushing the microphone down.

“Oh no no don’t touch my microphone Mark!” I sang into the mic. I looked around, and everyone was staring.

“Brooke you’re drunk at Applebee’s in the middle of the day.” He gritted thru his teeth, trying to block everyone else out.

“I don’t like your judgey tone Marky Mark! Not. one. bit.” I walked over to my new friends that were trying to avoid eye contact for some reason. “You see these glorious bitches right here? They know what a dick you are and they bought me drinks! And I bought them drinks! And then we drank more drinks and they told me all about you buddy!” I handed the mic back to Ashley or maybe Em, fuck if I know.

“Sarah. Ashley. Em.” Mark smiled at the girls and they all started giggling like idiots.

This was not the reaction I was expecting, so I stumbled back dramatically. “Wow wow wow!” I said nearly falling, but Mark caught me. “Hands! Pretty boy!” I yelled as I slapped him in the chest.

Mark rolled his eyes at me. “I think we need to go.”

“Wait wait.” The one named Sarah jumped up and wrapped her arms around Mark. “I’m drunk too.”

“What’s new?” Mark said venomously.

“HOLD THE PHONE” I yelled way louder than I’d planned. “You’re Sarah? Stalker Sarah? You cannot be that Sarah!”

“Excuse me bitch what did you just call me.” Sarah turned around to come at me but Mark grabbed her shoulders.

“BROOKE GO GET IN MY TRUCK NOW!” Mark ordered.

“You don’t have to yell. Jesus Mark.” I slurred. “Can I get a to go cup?”

“BROOKE. Now!”

“Fine!” I said as I grabbed my purse and marched outside.

The sunlight, combined with the fresh air made me realize I was really fucking drunk. I really shouldnt drive in this condition I thought and then couldn’t recall why I even came out here. I decided to go back in.

When I turned I saw Mark headed straight for me. He looked pissed. He also looked sexy. I bit my lip as he came closer. What was I going to say?

Not far behind him there was that girl from the bar chasing him. Just as I was about to tell him, he scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder.

“Oh my God Mark! This! it’s like the first day I met you! You fucking caveman!!! Your hair smells nice.” He opened his passenger door. Threw me in and buckled my seatbelt. “Fucking hero status.” I slurred as I booped him on his nose.

He ran around the front, and got in and started the truck. All of a sudden the back window busted out. I screamed and ducked.

That’s one way to sober the fuck up. Mark peeled out and I poked my head up and looked behind us to see my drinking buddy only wearing one high heel. I looked in the back and spotted a black crystal Louboutin heel. “Fuck yes!!!”

“What?” Mark asked..

“My first Louboutin!!! I always wanted a pair of these but they’re like thousands of dollars. Oooh maybe she’ll give you the other one to pay for your window, and then you give it to me and I’ll buy your window.”

“Are you really scheming in this condition?” Mark chuckled.

I turned my obnoxious drunk Brooke off, and tried to be serious as possible. “Mark I am not drunk at all. I just wanted to leave, and use the alcohol as an excuse to yell at you.” I was so full of shit. There were literally 2 of him.

“Why would you want to leave with me?” Mark asked with one eyebrow up and the cockiest smirk on his gorgeous face.

“Because you’re going to take me to your house right now, and you’re going to fuck me into oblivion.” I settled back in the chair staring straight ahead. That was the craziest, bravest thing I’ve ever said. I couldn’t look at him. I was being cool Brooke. Unfazed Brooke. Confident Brooke. Slutty Brooke.

“Wow. Ok. Can’t argue with that.” Mark said as he grabbed my hand and laced his fingers through mine.

Holy shit, this was happening.

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 1.2

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, Kaede became the leader because Kaito was too busy nearly getting himself killed, Kaede lost half the group’s faith within the same day in part thanks to Kokichi being a dick, Shuichi and Kaito remained firmly on Kaede’s side regardless, Monokuma announced the first motive, and Kaito nearly got himself killed again but in the process Monokuma totally died instead, which was… probably not as accidental as it seemed.

Now that everything’s supposedly over, everyone has kind of dispersed from the dining hall.

Kaede:  (I don’t know why, but once I went inside my room… I just started crying uncontrollably.) “H-Huh? Why?”

Aww, Kaede. Her lack of much success at leading everyone is getting to her. Much more than she ever wanted it to, based on her vocal reaction to suddenly finding herself crying.

Then she wipes her tears before Shuichi comes in.

Shuichi:  “Kaede… are you alright?”

Kaede:  “Oh, Shuichi… Um… what do you mean? I’m not sad, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Well that sure is suspiciously specific of you, Kaede. You are not a very good liar. Also it is extremely relevant to note that Kaede is actively trying to hide her pain from her friends and pretend that she’s totally fine about everything. Sounds a bit like a certain someone else who’s going to be doing that a lot later, hm?

Shuichi:  “…Kaede, I know how you feel. I believe in you.”

Kaede:  “What? You believe in me?”

Of course he does, Kaede! She seems so surprised to hear that. She probably didn’t think anyone would after the lack of success and half the class turning on her thanks to Kokichi.

(Don’t worry, Kaede; Shuichi’s not the only one who believes in you already. Kaito does, too.)

Shuichi wants to show Kaede something in the library, but on the way there there’s several people hanging around that you can talk to.

Kaito:  “See? It’s just like I said!”

Kaede:  “Huh? What’s just like you said?”

Kaito:  “Sometimes you gotta be a little reckless to make your dreams a reality!”

Kaede:  “Huh? What are you talking about?”

Kaito:  “Huh? What do you mean? It’s thanks to me we defeated Monokuma, right? I still don’t know how to get out of here… But the number one threat is gone now!”

Yes, Kaito, you definitely saved everyone.

I love this conversation. Contrary to popular belief, Kaito isn’t stupid. He knows that he should have been killed back there and is only alive thanks to (apparently) sheer dumb luck. But his optimism is of the incredibly stubborn variety that refuses to accept any pessimistic, negative thoughts, so he’s focusing on the fact that it did turn out well against all the odds to distract himself from acknowledging how attacking Monokuma was the worst decision ever that he only made because he lost control of his emotions and if it hadn’t been for that complete fluke then he’d be dead right now.

Shuichi:  “Ah, Kaito… To be honest, what you did was really dangerous…”

Kaito:  “W-Well, I was a little nervous. Just a little.”

Only a little bit. Definitely not terrified for his life and momentarily convinced he was about to die or anything. He’s fine.

Kaito:  “But now we know the universe is watching! That bear got the cosmic justice he deserved! The universe is always on the side of those who push the limits and never give up!”

And of course he doesn’t want to admit either that it was pure luck and not really his actions that defeated Monokuma. It was totally the universe, rewarding him for being so determined, right? He’s covering up how drastically he almost failed by insisting that he made a difference and saved everyone. (Particularly since up until now, Kaede has been much more of a hero than he has.)

But despite Kaito’s words, he did learn his lesson here. He never tries anything this idiotically reckless ever again. And really, he probably needed to have this close brush with death here to let him realise that, or else he’d probably have kept being just as insanely reckless and actually got himself killed somewhere later down the line.

Kiyo:  “In any event, it means this situation is over… I can go home and spend time with Sister.”

Uh, aren’t you, like, constantly spending time with her, according to your delusions? You shouldn’t need to go home to do that.

Kiyo:  “Sister is terribly lonely… I need to get back to her as soon as possible…”

Or maybe he’s just talking about getting back to murdering people for her… except, dude, you can do that here too. Only don’t, because you’re awful. Kaede get away from him right now.

Maki:  “You guys are free to do whatever you want, just leave the rest of us out of it.

Maki still wants nothing to do with Kaede and Shuichi’s optimistic working together nonsense. Still, she’s totally cool with them doing that without her and isn’t about to try and stop them.

Shuichi:  “…She’s kind of… unpleasant, isn’t she?”

Heh. Little do you know, Shuichi.

Shuichi:  “You said there’s someone behind all this, right? That Monokuma’s just a puppet.”

Rantaro:  “I did say that. But you know what? It’s just a hunch.”

It’s not, though, is it, Rantaro? His Survivor’s Perk told him that there’s a mastermind who can make more Monokumas. But it also told him to be very careful who to trust with that information, and apparently he’s not willing to trust anyone with it yet, not even Shuichi and Kaede. If only he had.

Kaede:  (Like a great detective, he began to explain in exacting detail.)

Kaede has so much faith in Shuichi’s talent, aww. And it also just goes to show that Shuichi’s lack of confidence is his talent is mostly unwarranted – to everyone else, he comes across as a perfectly competent detective.

Shuichi mentions that he came back to investigate the bookcase this morning, which would have had to be before the morning announcement, since Kaede ran into him on the way to the dining hall shortly after it. And Shuichi is usually pointedly not a morning person, only waking up at the announcement itself. So… looks like he wasn’t able to sleep much at all last night, huh.

The hidden door being black and white is very on the nose. Almost like the mastermind wanted anyone who found it to think it was connected to Monokuma.

Shuichi:  “If it were solely for Monokuma’s use, he wouldn’t need to hide it. He could just have the Exisals protect it and keep it in plain sight.”

Or, you know, just have it be a Monokuma-sized door that none of the students could fit through. Like a tiny little bear-flap.

Shuichi’s plan of putting dust in the card reader is falling prey to the same flaw that his later plan with the cameras is going to. That flaw is that he’s assuming the mastermind has no way of watching them and therefore of knowing about his trap. It’s very important to the plot of this game that, despite the big conspicuous monitors like before, there are no obviously-visible cameras like there were in the first two.

It would actually be possible for Shuichi to figure out that there must be hidden cameras somewhere, too, if he just thought a little about how the class trials are supposed to work – Monokuma needs a way of knowing for sure who the blackened is, after all. Alas, despite him genuinely being a pretty great detective, there’s still some things he overlooks.

And then once they leave the library, it’s… suddenly night-time, somehow. I feel like they could still have had a free time slot or two today. The dialogue before actually hanging out with people during free time is a neat way of getting a sense of what’s on someone’s mind at each point in the story (I’m going to be covering those a lot), and it would have been interesting to be able to see more of everyone’s thoughts on whether or not it’s really over right now.

Monokuma:  “When a series lasts for several seasons, eventually it’ll run out of material. My memory has been awful lately. I wonder if it’s cuz of how long the series has been going. Wait… what season are we on again?”

I mean, yeah, 53 seasons is quite a lot, right? But even so, Monokuma Theater is so full of non-sequiturs that I can’t imagine it’s possible to run out of material for it.

Monokuma:  “Anyway, we need new material for Monokuma Theater! Please send your manuscripts, along with a 1,000 dollar application fee! If your entry is selected, you will receive a 100 dollar gift card!”

You know, knowing how batshit the audience for this show is (people will literally die to be in it), some people are probably going to actually do that.

During a conversation with Kokichi on the way to the dining hall next morning, after Kaede calls out some of his usual lying bullshit…

Kokichi:  “Oh? Wow, Kaede. You know how to stand your ground, don’tcha?”

It’s interesting to see Kokichi making note of that about her. It’s almost like the people he zeroes in on and continues to lie to and manipulate, such as Gonta and Miu, are people that he’s identified as easy victims who don’t stand their ground and fight back. People like Kaede who don’t fall for it and give him the reaction he’s after are no fun. He’s basically just a huge bully.

Kokichi:  “I’m more nervous around friends who share too much than strangers, really.”

I think this is a truthful statement, and if it is, it’s very relevant to Kokichi’s outlook on things. He’s uncomfortable around people who claim to be friends and share stuff with him because he’s convinced that they haven’t really shared everything and could still stab him in the back at any moment. It’s easier for him to have everyone be openly distrustful and constantly aware of the possibility of turning on each other. That way there’s no unexpected surprises, no actual betrayal, when it does happen. He’s afraid of being betrayed, so instead of getting close to people anyway and taking that risk, he takes the coward’s way out and avoids any meaningful personal interactions altogether. I believe this is a large part of the reason why he’s constantly trying to drive everyone apart and discourage co-operation – because it makes it easier for him to deal with.

Keebo:  “Plus, if the professor knew I was missing, he would not rest until he found me.”

Keebo’s relationship with his father figure the professor is one of the most compelling parts of his character; it’s a shame it doesn’t come up more. Then again, it’s a shame that the professor doesn’t actually exist and his real creators are the people in charge of this killing game, so.

Tsumugi is hanging around in front of the girls’ bathroom. This is just before we all head to the dining hall and discover that Monokuma’s spare has appeared. Hmmmm.

Everyone is excited about their supposed imminent rescue… except Rantaro.

Rantaro:  “It’s nothing… I figure no one would listen to some guy who can’t even remember his own talent, right?”

He’s probably considering whether or not he should share the information he has, but it’s not just a case of who he should trust with the information, but whether those people will trust him. And happening to be the only one who doesn’t remember his talent isn’t really helping his trustworthiness. (As I said, him having had the memory of his original talent erased was most likely intended as a handicap.) He’s probably afraid of coming across like the mastermind to anyone else who’s figured out there is one. Which, uh, ends up being exactly what happens.

Kaede:  “But… is this really how this ends?”

Kaede, on the other hand, is less cautious about blurting out her worries that this isn’t over, even though she promised Shuichi not to tell anyone precisely why they think that.

And of course, it isn’t, and Monokuma shows up again.

Kaito:  “H-He’s still alive?”

Kaito does not seem happy to find out that his “heroics” yesterday didn’t actually achieve anything at all. (There was definitely already a part of him that suspected this, but his stubborn optimism would have refused to let him acknowledge that possibility.)

Tsumugi:  “Ah, geez… It’s such a low-level cosplay, I can’t bear to look.”

Okay but who’s betting Monokuma cosplaying the mascot of Yo-Kai Watch for this non-sequitur bit was Tsumugi’s idea.

Monokuma:  “…then every student participating in this killing game will die!”

Aaaaand here we have an example of failed communication on the part of this game’s multiple localisers. This line here is actually supposed to say “every student forced to participate in this killing game will die”, since Shuichi brings that up later and uses it in his deductions. But it looks like two different people translated those two lines, and this one here didn’t get the memo that the phrasing was intended to imply something specific, and that it’d come up later. Oops.

Monokuma:  “Mauled to shreds by countless Monokumas from the rumored Monokuma-making machine!”

This is very important and deliberate. The Monokubs follow it up by asking why they aren’t going to be doing the killing with their Exisals, since that’s supposed to be their job, and Monokuma brushes them off with some very handwavey banter without actually explaining why he doesn’t want them to do it. It’s because the point isn’t how the students are going to be killed (especially since he doesn’t even really want to kill them). The point is how certain students might try to go about stopping it. If the threat were the Exisals, there’d be no clear way to deal with that. But if the threat is the mastermind activating a Monokuma-making machine, then certain people who are aware of a certain hidden room that contains that machine can take action by stopping the mastermind from getting in there. And that’s exactly the trap that Monokuma is very deliberately leading Rantaro, Shuichi and Kaede into.

Rantaro’s Survivor’s Perk note specifically mentions that the mastermind will be vulnerable when Monokuma needs a spare, and that they’ll head to the hidden room at that time. And the note is just that – a note. There’s no proof that it was actually written by Rantaro’s past self like it claims to be. I don’t think it was. I think it was deliberately written by the mastermind as part of this trap. His Survivor’s Perk was never a perk – it was a handicap designed to get him killed off first.

Monokuma:  “So unless you wanna end up as pink smears…”

This line is absolutely great, because of how delightfully subtly it hints at what’s really going on. How does Monokuma know the blood is pink? In-universe, it’s still red. No character in this story, not even Monokuma himself, should have any idea that the people on the other side of the fourth wall see the blood as pink. But it makes perfect sense given that this Monokuma knows about the original Danganronpas that were fiction in this universe, in which the blood appeared pink to the players. He’s making a little nod to that that he knows the in-universe audience (and of course also the out-universe one) will get.

I actually caught this line on my first time through and immediately thought it must be significant somehow, yet I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how Monokuma could actually know that. Yet by the end of the story, it made perfect sense! I love it.

Monokuma:  “Geez, why’d you guys even come to this school if you’re not gonna do the killing game?”

And here’s Monokuma implying that everyone came here specifically because they wanted to do the killing game.

Kaito:  “Y-You bastard!”

This is a very similar reaction to what Kaito had yesterday, and he seems just as angry – if not more so, because this motive is far worse than the previous one. But this time, he’s not going to be so reckless as to almost get himself killed again. He’s learned.

Kaito:  “W-We can’t panic about something like this. I’ll… do something about it.”

Keebo:  “…Did you have a course of action in mind?”

Kaito:  “I’m… gonna start thinking of one right now!”

Oh, Kaito. Of course he can’t just lie down and accept the fact that they’re all going to die! Of course he would want to take action and do something about it rather than just giving up!

And yeah, of course he hasn’t actually thought of anything yet – it’s only been like a minute, geez – but that doesn’t change how strong his intent to do so is, strong enough that he wants to let everyone know. He’s aware that people are liable to panic and is trying in his own way to calm everyone (including himself) down by asserting that he’s not giving up.

Maki:  “…Figures. I didn’t expect anything from you in the first place.”

Hee, Maki making jabs at Kaito. She’s definitely the kind of person who prefers people to think before they speak and only make statements after they’re able to back them up, not before.

Gonta:  “W-We gotta fight back, then!”

Tenko:  “Y-Yeah! If we strike them with some sneak attacks, we might have a chance at winning!”

Naturally it’s these two who are the first to suggest straight-up fighting Monokuma, in keeping with how they end up being some of the participants at Kaito’s eventual strategy meeting and, along with Kaito, the people who try and physically protect Kaede from being executed. It’s interesting that Kaito isn’t also immediately suggesting they fight, too – it seems he was maybe hoping he’d come up with something a bit more clever and less straightforward than that, but then didn’t and fell back on his strategy meeting at the end because he was desperate to do something. (And, you know, having had his brush with death just yesterday, he’s more viscerally aware of how incredibly dangerous fighting back is than the others are.)

Kokichi switches from appearing to be scared and desperate to being flippant and unbothered about the whole thing in a heartbeat. He does this kind of thing quite a lot, and I feel like this is one of his defence mechanisms – he is genuinely scared to some degree, but he makes it seem like the part where he was scared was the lie, often overexaggerating it to make it seem even less believable, to lie to everyone but mostly to himself that he’s totally having fun with this.

Honestly I find that part of Kokichi pretty compelling in principle, and I’d be inclined to really like him for it if he wasn’t still also a gigantic unnecessary dick most of the time.

Kokichi:  “Maybe I’ll go back to my room and just think things over. Alone.”

Miu:  “A-Alone in your room? What do you mean by that? Are you invitin’ me to come kill you?”

Interesting that Kokichi would say something that gives off that impression – kind of in line with what I discussed earlier, it might be that he actually feels safer by being really up-front about the possibility that someone could come and kill him, since someone might do that anyway whether he tells them he’s an easy target or not and he’d rather at least be expecting it.

Also, here’s Miu again seeming tempted by the idea of killing someone, given that she’s one of the weakest and most self-absorbed people here. (But I mean that in a good way, in that this is actually her being an interesting character unlike how she is most of the time.)

Rantaro:  “So what else is part of his plan? Is my memory part of it too? If it is, then… can I even trust myself?”

No, Rantaro, you can’t. Because that message from “yourself” was not from yourself and very much is a part of Monokuma’s plan.

Rantaro:  “Does the term Ultimate Hunt ring a bell for anyone?”

On a first time through, this line implies that Rantaro remembers the Ultimate Hunt that everyone else has currently forgotten. But the thing is, he actually doesn’t. He’s only mentioning it because his Survivor’s Perk said, as a supposed sign of its credibility, that that would be the first thing they all remember. (Not that it’s clear how that’s meant to prove the credibility of the supposed past-Rantaro’s words, though, since how would past-Rantaro necessarily know what order they’d remember things in?) It seems Rantaro is a little unclear on how exactly the remembering will work – no-one’s seen a Flashback Light yet – and maybe he thinks everyone else has already remembered it and is trying to confirm that here.

But of course no-one remembers it and he only ends up making himself look more suspicious. He really must be horribly confused and stressed out.

Kirumi:  “People cannot kill others so easily… Especially when they harbor no malice. Even when one’s life is in danger, it is quite difficult to follow through on the act itself.”

This is so meaningful coming from Kirumi. Even when she becomes determined to commit murder herself in order to save everyone outside, she still can’t bring herself to do it unless her target is the only person here who has no reason to live.

Kaito:  “I’ll… do something about this. I just dunno what yet… But I’ll definitely do something about it!”

Kaede:  (We don’t have a plan either… And I wanna trust him, but he doesn’t seem too reliable…)

Heh. Give him a chance, Kaede. He’s trying his best and refusing to give up, just like you are.

Tenko:  “To be honest, I’m not too great at thinking… But I’ll twist my brain into knots for your sake!”

Tenko is pretty similar to Kaito in terms of her determination to take action versus her ability to think up decent plans… except that she’s actually willing to be honest about her lack of planning ability.

Kaito notices Kaede and Shuichi whispering about heading to the library and asks them what it’s about, but then…

Kaede:  “S-Sorry… All I can say is… I haven’t given up. I’ll show you guys that we can escape from this place. You can count on it!”

Kaito:  “I see… Well, if that’s how it is, then I’ll believe in you.”

…he believes in them! He trusts that whatever they’re whispering about isn’t malicious and they have a good reason for not being able to tell anyone else. (And that their plan is probably going to be better than whatever he’ll manage to come up with, not that he’d actually admit that part.)

Kaede:  (It’s not like me to give up anyway… I’ve always believed that my wishes can come true if I just work hard enough!)

Kaede is so determined and so good.

Kaito:  “I’ll believe in that heart of yours that never gives up, alright?”

And so is Kaito! He has so much respect and admiration for Kaede, because to him the ability to never give up is one of the most important qualities a person can have, and he’s seen that Kaede has it in spades.

If you talk to everyone else left in the dining room again after Kaede has announced that she hasn’t given up, several of them say something equally uplifting and encouraging – Kirumi and Gonta are happy to help with the plan if needed, and Keebo says he’s going to keep thinking of another plan himself just in case.

So the dust is gone from the card reader behind the moving bookcase, and from this and the mention of the Monokuma-making machine, Shuichi deduces that said machine is in the hidden room and the mastermind used it last night. This is the other half of the mastermind’s trap. Because, given the passageway in the bathroom, Tsumugi should never need to use the door with the card reader at all. And thanks to the Nanokumas, she knows that Shuichi put dust in the card reader and would be using it as a sign of someone entering the room. So she entered the room using the library door deliberately this time to make Shuichi come to this conclusion.

All this because this game’s surveillance cameras aren’t visible, so Shuichi assumed the mastermind wouldn’t know about his dust trap and would blindly walk into it like this.

Monokuma:  “…then every student forced to participate in this killing game will die!”

And here’s where the correct version of this line comes up. Shuichi uses it to back up his deduction that there’s a mastermind, but really there’s more to it than that. Technically, except for maybe Keebo (though you could claim that Keebo counts as the audience, and the audience is definitely participating willingly), no-one was forced to participate, at least if you make the argument that they’re the same people as their pregame selves who signed up for this (even though they’re not, really). So by saying that, Monokuma is leaving himself a loophole where he doesn’t have to kill anybody when the time limit is up. But even so, he really doesn’t want it to reach that point if he can avoid it, because he doesn’t want to have to reveal the fact – or at least, cause Shuichi to deduce the fact – that everyone involved signed up for this once upon a time.

Kaede:  (I can’t believe the person responsible for our suffering could be among us… It’s hard to accept, but if it’s true… I can’t forgive them…)

Whoa, Kaede, careful with where that train of thought might lead, there.

And then Shuichi falls right into the mastermind’s trap by assuming that they’ll come to the hidden room to make more Monokumas just before time is up and deciding to try and catch them in the act.

Shuichi:  “Ah, but… Kaede, this is just *my* deduction, it’s possible that I’m wrong…”

Putting aside the fact that he actually is wrong, because that’s not remotely easy to figure out with only the information he has, aww look at Shuichi having so little faith in himself. He just went out of his way to share his deduction with Kaede, and now he’s acting like he expects her to dismiss everything he just said. The fact that he told her means he clearly wants her support with it, but he still doesn’t have the confidence to stand behind his words and ask for her help.

Kaede:  “You told me about this, so that must mean you trust me, right, Shuichi?”

Exactly, Shuichi! Kaede knows what’s up.

Shuichi:  “Thank you, Kaede. You… have a way of encouraging me.”

She has a way of encouraging everyone, Shuichi. But also I think it does work particularly well on Shuichi because he’s someone who’s so lacking in confidence and in need of encouragement in the first place.

Kaede:  “And when this is all behind us, we’re gonna stay good friends! That’s a promise, okay!?”

Aww, Kaede. She’s adorable.

---

[Next post]

[nimwallace]

(Part 2 of Sherlock is jealous of a secret sister suggestion) the catch is she can’t stomach gore or anything Sherlock can which is why she doesn’t do work like that with her genius mind. And Sherlock is afraid she’s exactly the woman for John cuz he’s too dumb and jealous to realize John is attracted to her cuz she looks SO much like him and John finds it easier/less scary to be attracted to a woman cuz he’s repressed yada yada but OBVIOUSLY he loves Sherlock

So I LOVE this, very clever plot. (Nonny also privately messaged me to add more details, the first ask is posted as well) *Sherrin like Sherrinford as opposed to Sharon“You have a sister.” “Yes, John, there are aspects of my life which you don’t know about.” John put a hand on his forehead, taking a deep breath. “I know that,” he muttered. “But a bloody sibling Sherlock, we’ve known each other for five years and you didn’t think to tell me--” “I don’t see Sherrin very much anyway, John. Really, she was the black sheep of the family.” More like the ugly duckling. Sherlock’s parents had always loved Sherrin’s social wiles as well as her genius. She had a way with men as well, one of the reasons Sherlock never introduced her to John. He knew it was petty, but she was exactly John’s type with her dark brunette hair and blue eyes and slender limbs. But now he didn’t really have a choice. Sherrin was coming to visit whether he liked it or not, and, given her unpredictable behavior, he hoped she didn’t try anything. Sherrin didn’t knock on the door. In fact, John didn’t hear her coming up the stairs, so it was a surprise when she barreled into 221b one afternoon. “I’m here, Sherlock!” she said happily. “Oh, you must be John.” She smiled at him. Flustered, John got up. “Er, yes, hi. Nice to meet you.” Sherrin looked a bit like a female version of Sherlock, only with very sharply winged eyeliner and a deep scarlet lipstick. “Sherrin,” Sherlock said, waltzing into the room. “I see you’ve already terrified my flatmate.” “We were just saying hello,” John said. “Pleasantries pleasantries. Dull.” “Be nice Sherlock,” Sherrin said affectionately. She ruffled his hair, which made Sherlock scowl. “Look at him, what a baby,” she said when he crossed his arms. “Always was the baby of the family.” “I’m older than you,” Sherlock pointed out sulkily. “Doesn’t have anything to do with it. I’m sure you know, John.” She winked at him. “He’s trying at times,” John admitted, trying not to look too deeply into that wink. “But he’s not so hard to live with.” “I’m glad you both feel so affectionate for me,” Sherlock said sarcastically. Sherrin sent a little you-know-how-he-is smile to John. Sherlock begrudgingly put on tea. Sherrin made to stay several days, and by the second, Sherlock was positive she was trying to flirt up John. Discreet smiles, prolonged eye contact, touches. She was pulling out all the tricks in the book for him. He pretended not to notice that John responded to it as well with the same behaviorisms. He already knew John found her attractive, but if it went any further....John couldn’t figure out what was bugging Sherlock so much. He’d been in a foul mood since his sister arrived, and he was kind of sick of it now. He couldn’t tell if something was really wrong or if he was just irritable. He caught him with a cigarette at one point, which worried him. Sherrin seemed perfectly pleasant, so he didn’t understand why Sherlock was being so cold to her. It was a bit unfair, really. He’d wait until she left to see if he got better then. Sherlock was sure she’d snagged him the last night. She and John and both had a glass of wine (Sherlock had refrained, he didn’t like wine) and their flirting was becoming more and more obvious. Eventually, Sherlock got up and put his coat on. “Where are you going, Sherly?” Sherrin said in confusion. “Out,” Sherlock said stiffly. “I’m assuming you two will be wanting some privacy.” He stalked out. Sherrin tried to get him to stay, but John really was concerned that Sherlock might do something reckless now. His last comment was offhand and strange, and John didn’t like it. He found him at Regent’s Park, where he always went to smoke in secret. Mycroft had told John about it because he also had formerly kept a stash there as well, so if Sherlock ever went missing, he was to look there first. “Mycroft tell you where I was?” Sherlock said as John joined him on the bench. “Yeah,” John said. “You okay?” “Where’s Sherrin?” “At the flat.” Sherlock’s eyebrows knit. He took a drag. “You can go back. I know you want to sleep with her, it’s fine.” John’s brow furrowed. “Sherlock, I wasn’t going to sleep with your sister,” he said. “Is that what this is all about?” Sherlock stubbed out his cigarette. “You like her, I can see that, you know.” “I thought she was pretty, yeah,” John admitted. “But I wasn’t going to go anywhere with it--why does this even matter to you?” “It doesn’t.” John sighed. The night air was chilly against his face, and for a moment that was all he could feel. Then he remembered where he was, and what he was, and he knew he was going to have to talk about this at some point. He cleared his throat. “Look, Sherlock, I’ve got something to tell you.” Sherlock looked at him. “I’ve -em, well, I--I think, for some time now--” He sighed. “I’ve--I’ve been--well, I may have been in denial about some feelings I have--for you.” Sherlock looked a bit confused about this. “What feelings?” “I--women have always been easier for me,” John continued nervously. “You know, it’s not odd, with women, but--there have been times I’ve--been attracted to men.” Sherlock looked yet more confused, as if unable to see the connection between these two pieces of information. “So?” he said. “You know I’m gay.” John stared at him. “No, you never actually told me that.” “Oh. Thought I had mentioned. So is that it, then? You wanted to tell me you’re bisexual?” “No, I wanted to tell you--I, I love you, Sherlock.” John was unable to look at him now. He chuckled softly. “I knew, I think everyone else knew, too. But I--I was such an idiot, wasn’t I? I couldn’t even--” Sherlock interrupted him rather abruptly with a kiss. “Excellent work, Sherrin,” Mycroft said. “I can’t believe you finally got them together. A bit trivial for your taste in work, isn’t it?” “It was good fun,” Sherrin said. “Any goldfish in the pond you want me to reel in, Myc?” “I’m fine, thank you,” Mycroft said. Sherrin chuckled and hung up the phone.

[fluffy-marshmallow-heart]

TRR New Beginnings Ch.6-Confessions, part 1

This is a 2 part chapter because it got a little long!

Words: 1950

After Drake changed into dry clothes he waited for Emma to return from the lake. When she walked in she was shivering, her once dry clothes clinging to her wet body and her wet hair plastered around her face. Drake knew she had brought some clothes with her, but he had already grabbed her a spare shirt and pair of boxes from his closet. He walked over to her and held them out

“Here, Rose. “

She frowned and said “Drake, I brought my own clothes.”

He smiled softly at her. “I know but…now you don’t have to dig through your suitcase.”

Slowly she reached out and took the clothes from him, their fingers brushing. Drake felt it immediately, that lightning bolt of pure connection. Judging by the way she yanked her hand back he knew she felt it too. She quickly shut herself into the bathroom. When she came back out Drake had trouble breathing. She looked so beautiful and so damn sexy wearing his clothes. He immediately wanted to tear them off and claim her as he had done over a year ago. But no. He needs to do this right. She’s obviously still a bit uncomfortable here. As she walked towards him brushing her hair she finally returned his smile.

"Thanks Drake. These are quite comfortable. I might have to steal these and never give them back” she joked.

Drake laughed “We’ll see.”

But on the inside he was screaming HELL YES, take everything I have and stay with me.

As the couch was still turned into a bed Drake decided he could make some food instead and they could sit in the kitchen. He was having trouble concentrating seeing her in his clothes with a bed so close by. For about the 10th time that day alone he tells himself he needs to do this right.

“Are you hungry, Rose?” She nodded. “OK, well I don’t have much but….” Drake trailed off as he eyed his fridge for the first time. Then looked in his cabinets. They were all full. Liam. He heard a chuckle behind him. He turned, surprised.

"Drake did you really just now realize that Liam shopped for you? He really wasn’t kidding when he said you barely ate, huh?”

Drake frowned. He was starting to wonder what Liam had told her about him. He had barely seen Liam throughout the whole past year, how much could he possibly know? His thoughts were interrupted again by another chuckle. Shaking her head and smiling Emma walked to the fridge and peeked inside herself, then checked the cabinets. She smirked.

"He told me he had groceries brought here but didn’t tell me what. He really went all out. With all this food we probably don’t have to leave the cabin for at least a month.”

She froze as she realized what she just said, and Drake’s breath hitched. A month?? Liam really wants us to stay here alone for a month?? Drake’s heart soared at the thought, but Emma had a look of shock on her face. Clearly, she wasn’t as happy about it. She cleared her throat.

“Well, don’t feel bad. I didn’t exactly eat a lot either. Minimum wage is no joke.” She gave him a half smile then turned back around. “So. What are we in the mood for? We could do breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner, dessert…snacks. Umm. Basically anything we can think of” Her laugh was genuine this time.

Drake smiled and said “well since it’s lunchtime we should have lunch. I’ll cook. You have a seat.” She turned towards him and raised an eyebrow.

“The great Drake Walker can cook? Now this I have to see.” She glanced at him as she took a seat at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"Oh please, Rose. I’ve got moves you’ve never seen.”

He meant it as a joke but both her eyebrows shot up at the comment. He quickly he backtracked

“I mean, erm, in the kitchen, I have moves in the kitchen.”

He started mumbling to himself as he took out ingredients. Way to go Walker. Real smooth. I’m sure she was just so impressed. He rolled his eyes at himself. Such an idiot. He took out a slab of roast beef and started slicing. Next he took out the bell peppers and sliced those. He took out bread, butter, garlic, and swiss cheese. They were both quiet as he cooked but he could feel her eyes watching his every move. Drake plated the food and turned back to Emma with flourish.

“Tada!” he sang out as he placed her plate in front of her. She bit her lip to try to contain her laughter.

“Is this…Philly Cheesesteak?” Emma laughed.

“No. It’s Cordonia cheesesteak. Remember when I tried to explain the difference to you before? The meat is more succulent, the peppers sweeter. It’s grilled on garlic bread” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and spilled the rest out in a rush. “Plus you don’t like onions and swiss cheese is your favorite.” He met her eyes.

“You remembered” she said softly. He smiled sadly at her.

“Of course I do. I remember everything, Emma.”

A look of surprise crossed her face. It was very rare that he called her by her first name. The only times he did was when he was shocked by something or he was being dead serious. She was fully aware of it. She swallowed, hard, then turned her attention to her food.

"Well it smells delicious.”

Drake watched as she took a big bite of the sandwich. She closed her eyes and moaned in pleasure as the flavors melted together in her mouth.

"This is the most perfect Cordonian Cheesesteak I have ever had Drake Walker. Thank you.” She held her sandwich up and they toasted with them. They finished their meal in comfortable silence, stealing glances at each the entire time.

When they were done Drake cleared the table. He moved to her bed and folded it up back into a couch. “We need to talk, Rose.” He said, sitting down. She got up from the table and slowly went to sit next to him on the couch. She looked at him, expectantly. It was clear she was not going to initiate the conversation, so he started.

“I went to New York to find you and bring you back. I was devastated when you left, but I really thought I was doing the right thing. When you left the country…well, everyone asked me why. When I told everyone what I had said to you…obviously everyone was incredibly angry with me. Savannah actually slapped me. Liam stopped speaking to me. He was both pissed and hurt. I really thought I lost him as a friend. I had no idea that my actions would cause everyone I cared about so much pain. I hated myself for it, for all of it. So I got on a plane and looked for you for weeks. But I couldn’t find you. I came back and built this cabin, hoping beyond hope that you would come back on your own, or reach out to someone here but…there was nothing.” Drake closed his eyes as they started to water.

“I’m so sorry, Rose. Letting you go was the worst thing I have ever done…I knew it as soon as I said it but you were already gone” He whispered. He felt her hand on his leg and his eyes shot open. He saw his own pain reflecting in her eyes.

“I knew you were looking for me” she confessed.  “Daniel told me. He didn’t tell me you were actually in the city, just that he had talked to you.” She paused, thinking. “I actually never thought I would come back. I’m still a bit surprised that I’m here myself.”

“What made you come back with Liam?” Drake couldn’t stop himself from asking. He had to know. She blushed.

“Honestly, I think a lot of it was shock factor.” She laughed. “When he showed up at my door it was like all the oxygen left the room. My past had finally caught up to me. And so much had changed, so much had happened…I realized I had nothing left to lose. And I thought of you, alone, drinking yourself to death and I decided if I could change that fate then I would…” She trailed off, eyes faraway. Drake put his hand on top of hers, which was still on his leg. She jumped a little and Drake squeezed her hand reassuringly. She looked down at their hands but didn’t move as she continued.

“When I left Cordonia I was still carrying you with me. A big part of you, in fact.” Drake held his breath as she looked him in the eye. “I saw the nursery upstairs, Drake. I’m assuming Maxwell told you.” Drake nodded.

“Honestly, Drake, I never told him, he just…figured it out. Cuz ya know….he was around Savannah when it happened to her. And I wasn’t going to lie to him.”

Drake closed his eyes as he remembered his last conversation with Maxwell

“Drake, you idiot!! Why did you let her go?? Why did you say that to her?? She had already chosen you, you dummy! And why the hell would you say that to her after she told you she was pregnant??”

Drake’s mouth fell open and he stared hard at Maxwell.

“What the fuck are you saying, Beaumont?”

Maxwell got in his face.

“She was fucking pregnant you moron! She literally went to your room that night to tell you. And then what. You slammed the door in her face?? Who are you right now? The Drake I know wouldn’t do that. First your sister ran away without telling you, and now Emma? You’re a piece of work.”

Drake pulled his fist back and slammed it into Maxwell’s jaw. As his friend stumbled onto the floor Drake could barely comprehend what he was saying.

“She didn’t tell me! She didn’t get a chance to say anything. Where is she Maxwell, I know you know.”

“I swear I don’t” Maxwell spat out.

“I don’t believe you! Drake roared “You knew about Savannah, you surely know about Emma. Where. Is. She.” Drake was trembling with anger.

Maxwell stood up. “I have no idea Drake. She’s just gone. I came here as soon as I heard. I should have known you wouldn’t believe me!”

He walked to the door and flung it open. “Maybe you should ask yourself why the two most important women in your life were both afraid to tell you they were pregnant and would rather leave the country. That’s not on them, Drake. It’s on you.”

Drake started towards him again, fury in his eyes when Maxwell left and slammed the door behind him. And that was the last time he spoke to Maxwell Beaumont.

Drake opened his eyes again and looked at Emma, who was studying him.

“Liam told me you had a fight with him” she said softly. “You thought he knew where I was didn’t you? And you didn’t believe him when he said he didn’t.”

Drake nodded sadly. He was such an idiot. Of course, Maxwell wouldn’t hide that from him, not again. Not after Savannah. He should have known better, Maxwell had proven himself as a friend over and over. Just like Emma had proven her love over and over. He felt like he was the world’s worst friend. Drake drew in a deep breath and grasped both of Emma’s hands with his, afraid to let go, afraid of the answer to his next question.

“Rose…what happened to our baby?”

     @blackwidow2721

@sleepwalkingelite

@flowerpowell

@agent-bossypants

@annekebbphotography

@carabeth

  @imaketerriblechoices

@eileendannie

@innerpostmentality

@mrsernestsinclaire

@furiousherringoperatortoad

@wannabemc2

@blubutterflyy

@traeumerinwitzhelden

@choicesmacmakes

@sweetest-marbear

@nekkidmolerat

@notoriouscs

@andy-loves-corgis

[flameintheblacknight]

RvB reactions: S16 Episodes 12 to 14

Because I’ve fallen behind.

Let’s fucking go.

Episode 12:

I see we’re getting the movie version of the beginning of s15′s... episode 9, I want to say?

Wait what

jax what the fuck

OH MY GOD, THEY KNOW ABOUT CARWASH, ABORT, ABORT

what the fuck is with the shaky cam.

Hey, we finally got most of the main cast together again!  Except Doc...

OH MY GOD, THEY’RE MAKING TERRIBLE SWORD PUNS TOGETHER

MY HEART

hey, wait, where’s huggins?

hi donut

oh, so you’re on our side now, okay

oh my god, Sarge and Tucker looking into the camera like they’re on the fucking office with these innuendos.  I love it!!!

“I leave you guys alone for 5 minutes, and you piss off god.”

Wash is too tired for this shit.

Huh, interviews.  I’m seriously getting The Office vibes now.

“Fuck everything about this.  I’m supposed to be on vacation.”  And here we see that Kai was not expecting this level of bullshit.  She is still unused to the rest of the Crew’s total insanity and insane adventures.

omg

“Time for a new tactic: lying”

Wash: *dead inside*  “This is finally making sense.”

Sister:  “Cuz!  We’re all unwilling agents of some awful time god!” Wash:  “Last time I was an agent, at least I got dental.”

I am living for Wash in this episode

Jax wants the cold, hard evidence and I like that about him.  He learned well from Dylan, I think.

I’M UP FOR A TIMELINE

THAT’LL PROBABLY HELP ME GET A FUCKING IDEA OF WHAT THE FUCK’S BEEN HAPPENING IN THIS SEASON, AT LEAST!

jax oh my god

what the fuck has been happening here on this studio, anyways?

Simmons: Assistant (to the) Red Team Manager

THE VIBES I WAS GETTING WERE FUCKING RIGHT OMG

omg

OMG

“Huh.  I actually think the other hand is, well, empty.”

That’s sad.

“I’ve been using Sarge’s time machine for weeks with no negative consequences!”

uh what

jax why

rip timeline

that don’t help at all

o

oh no

not the memory issues

not nowwww

carolina why didn’t you just tell him months ago

Oh, so that’s why you’ve been using the time machine, Jax.

uh, why tho?

omg jax no

not these people

plz

and funding’s been cut

rip movie

ooooooooooo, back to the plot!

JAX NO

JAX JUST GOT FUCKING BODIED

Kalirama:  *glares* Atlus:  “...I’m sorry I smited your mortal idiot friend.”

Carolina does not seem impressed.

oh, so their relationship *is* a zeus/hera deal.  good to know.

tucker, this isn’t that surprising if you know greek mythology

wash, it’s also some greek mythology shit

...did neither of you ever read Percy Jackson growing up?

Genkins, huh... O SHIT, IT’S JENKINS FROM THE CUT CONTENT

“I love posting spoilers on Youtube!  On the end of the next one, the pink guy steals the hammer!”

...wait what

DONUT WHAT THE FUCK

guys please don’t make the jokes

guys

i’m laughing my ass off.

EXPOSITION, FINALLY!

Episode 13:

this is gonna be good.

“I ain’t talking about that!  Why’s Grif got a sword?!”

I think Tucker appreciates where Sarge’s priorities are.  “Upset the balance of the universe”, indeed.

i am not surprised that Sarge wants one too, tbh

EVERYONE WANTS ONE

Well, except Lina and Caboose.

CABOOSE WANTED THE GOLF CLUB

Oh, almighty beings apparently can’t cure a fucking headache.  i’m impressed.

back to the exposition!

wait what

Wait, Simmons, are you saying what I think you’re saying--

THEY’RE AIS!

...they...

that’s what epsilon first had as a body

oh my god

this

this changes everything

so there was enough of a leak in the order of space-time to get Loco to build a time machine, which led to... wow.  Joe really planned all this out, didn’t he.

guys don’t insult donut!  he’s been trying his best!

“Where we just fucked it all up!”

I feel like you could insert that into any description of the plots of the arcs and still be accurate.

I’m dying with these metaphors

“Master builder of the gods--” “Of the AI!” “Of the AI, okay...”

“Few have made the journey, none have survived.”

Sounds right up our alley!

...it’s a hammer.

NOBODY TRUST DONUT WITH IT

...The Hammer.  That’s a... simple name.

all of these names are catchier, tbh.

Even Atlus is in on it!

ohhhhhhhhhhh

“Counter-intuitive, but that’s magic for you”

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

oh, hey!  Grif still has his!

Caboose still has the golf club!!!

well, I think our goal is obvious:  we save the universe and get our energy swords, dammit!

or... how about we punt a hammer into a god’s face?

that sounds great to me

no more time-travel, please.

Wait... Wash, are you going into a speech?

Wash... that was beautiful.

yeah, for once in forever, this is not the fault of pfl/any associated companies

wait carolina no

NO

NOT NOWWWWWWW

YOU COULD’VE JUST TOLD HIM A FEW MONTHS AGO

LINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

full fucking minutes without oxygen

oh... oh my god

...wait

no

i

no

that’s

that’s the meta’s theme

oh god

wash...

wait donut no

donut goddammit

“Y’all need therapy.”  

...I think Kaikaina’s the luckiest one here, for having dodged all the bullets that make them need therapy.

Episode 14:

TUCKER, OH MY GOD

GROWTH!

oh?  character growth for both of yall?!

that’s great!

...Tucker’s gotten to the point where he’s comfy with someone else saying his catchphrase.  mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

fuck... I think I ship them.

Also, Tucker’s clearly got a lot of guilt over... that.

Kai knows him too well at this point.

Also guys no.

Please don’t.

Just a few details...

Tucker

have you never heard of the butterfly effect

you’re gonna fuck this shit up

GUYS NO

Carolina just... used Wash’s real name.

So I assume any revelation about Wash not being named Agent Washington was had before this.  I also assume it was comedic.

STILL, GUYS, NO

I’m like,,, 90% sure Lina’s a red by now

...oh fuck.

HUGGINS, YOU’RE MY LAST HOPE.  KNOCK SOME FUCKING SENSE INTO THEM, PLEASE

...ugh, i don’t want to watch this, i already know what happens, tumblr’s told me.  i’m just gonna skip a little bit.

GENKINS WHAT

HUGGINS

NO

no

genkins i’m going to kill you and make your death painful

where’s my fucking emp

hey, Muggins.  Seems you understand what’s happening too.

she’s really gone.  damn.

i’m... i’m fucking crying again.

this show hasn’t made me do that since epsilon, i think

guess that says something, huh?

...wait.  the fates?

they’re here?!

“All is lost.  Tonight the sun sets.  There will be no dawn.”

Well... fuck.

[inomana]

Okay listen up losers I'm about to prove a fucking point.

So my presentation will be about proving season 3 Shiro is a clone and why DreamWorks made it too easy. I rewatched a crapton on episodes to make this, I need to sleep. 

If you guys didn’t notice the first thing Clone Shiro, umm wait imma call him Kuro Kuro looks at is his hand and a Galra symbol.

And that in and of itself is a big clue because there’s already a lot of meaning behind that since season 2. In which, Hunk and that team discussed how the arm can be used against them.

Memory is key! How could Galra have Shiro’s memories? The arm! Like Hunk said, if it could create memories than it’s pretty safe to say it can record them too.

Linking that with the shot of the Galra emblem is a huge deal in symbolism. Trust me I’m an English major, I deal with this shit all the time.

(I’m writing this on my laptop and phone at the same time, godspeed)

Speaking of symbolism, Ulaz made an appearance when Kuro was dazed

(Is that even Ulaz? I can’t tell I’m bad with faces)

This does two things. Reaffirm Kuro’s undying trust with his arm, and make a connection with Galra as a comrade. Lemme explain;

During Shiro’s ‘I can suddenly remember shit’ scene in season 2? He die-hard believes the memories are his and not a [insert dream here] from Galra, by showing him Ulaz they are trying to recreate that same feeling.

By showing him a Galra (regardless of being evil or not) you’re connecting the dots with trust.

That could be a good reason why the Galra decided to give Shiro a weaponized arm in the first place. Why would they power him up for shits and giggles? Haggard herself even said this:

(Bitch, no thanks.) They wouldn’t have given him a cool fighting arm just so he could be cooler in the arena. That’s fucking idiotic to arm a prisoner. (sorry)

This wouldn’t even be the first time Haggard had some evil version of Shiro

Remember this scene from season 1? Cuz I sure fucking do.

Speaking of that arm, why would they take it in the first place? Listen, it’s already pretty fishy they gave him a super arm but why would they take it at all? Dare I say, D N A ?

This leads me back to this scene here:

Why would Kuro hurt himself? A French term can explain this, ‘L’appel du vide’ translation: The call of the void. Basically, your brain is telling you to self-destruct in order to take control of a situation.  Now we already discussed how the Galra controls his brain sort of so that’s that.

Now I know what you’re saying: Oh! But that’s so he could close the wound!!

Listen, man, I did training with an Army doctor on quick fixes for medical emergencies. Now I’m not saying I’m an expert cuz I’m not, but if Kuro did that do it to heal himself up it wasn’t done correctly. Or at least done accurately…. Especially with an unknown power. This might be wrong, it was a brief training,  so don’t take this part too seriously.

Adding to this point:

If you’ve ever seen anyone wake up from a long coma, and I mean  l o n g  coma, they don’t have full feeling in their muscles and tend to fall because they do not have full control of their limbs. I’m assuming by the hair this hasn’t been up and about for enough time to get that effect.

Speaking of hair, yes guys, Kuro’s hair is WAY too long to be Shiro.

(Lmao, Shiro/Kuro w/ long hair; hit or miss??)

Kuro’s hair shows that he hasn’t cut it in at least 1 ½ years. There might not be much context of how long he was missing but I’m sure as hell it’s couldn’t be more than a few months since Keith was searching through the Glara rubble.

<Man, all these analytical essays are finally paying off>

This scene here:

Is a big clue. For real why would the Black Lion do that? Send him into more danger? That’s not right.

Well, guess what, she didn’t.

Remeber this gem? I sure fucking do.

She sent him with someone he trusts, Matt. This really makes sense cuz mATT JUST HASN’T SHOWED UP BUT IS OBVIOUSLY REALLY IMPORTANT *cough* sorry, I don’t know what came over me….

Not only does Shiro trust him but so does Pidge, and I know those two never really had a connection but they kinda all share a state of thought while forming Voltron…

So the Black Lion theoretically has seen Pidge’s thoughts and stuff. Theoretically Black has two reasons why to trust Matt.

The Black Lion has so many reasons to send Shiro to Matt and not some Galra base.

This can also help understand why the Black Lion didn’t trust Kuro.

From what I’ve seen (or remember seeing at 4 AM, I haven’t slept in 45ish hours guys, help) all of you guys think that Black knows that’s not Shiro from the Connection they have but that might not be it!

Kuro thinks he’s Shiro, he has the same memories, the same body, the same scar on the face! So the Connection can still be there, what he doesn’t have is Matt with him.

Which wouldn’t make sense because Black sent him there, so it’s ridiculous cuz “hey I sent you to be with your buddy? Why didn’t you bring him along to see his sister who has been searching for him like crazy???”

That could be why the Black Lion found Kuro and trusted that was the OG but then changed its mind and was like ‘no thanks’ when she saw Matt wasnt with him.

I mean look how….happy?? She looks when they find him!

Why would that change after the fact? The Connection had to be there in order to sense him in the first place. It just makes sense.

Also look at the symbolism here again:

Kuro is in a Galra ship, it’s so subtle you might not even catch it (unless you’re used to over analyzing everything in order to fit 3 more pages into a term paper like me)

Instead of animating Kuro getting physically off the fighter they show them apart, separated from Black. They show him in enemy weaponry.  

As an enemy kinda…

(I’m getting too into this…)

This is Kuro while he’s being cloned

This is Kuro after he’s ‘escaping’

Sounds like the plan was a success, but all that happened was Kuro getting away? I don’t know about you but prisoners stay locked up, unless they aren’t.

They even say Kuro’s is approved for Operation Kuron!

Also from that scene:

Kuro was given that codename ‘Subject Y0XT39′

But Shiro already had a codename, and it wasnt that.

Its ‘Prisoner 117-9875′

Subject and Prisoner are two different things and two different codes.

Kuron is already a huge fucking clue. I donno know if you seen this yet but,

Shiro’s name is literally White and the opposite is Black or Kuro which sounds a lot like Kuron

If you think that’s just a coincidence then try this:

Just try telling me this isn’t legit?

To add just a bit more, Kuro and Keith clashed a lot while both trying to lead Voltron.

He also made it so Keith looked like a weak leader, which he was not once he got more use to the role.

Appearance wise, Kuro is different from Shiro in a low key way. First off both haircuts he has where different from Shiro’s. They’re all horrible but that’s a different story.

His cloths is different too, it shows more skin. The sleeve shows his arm and he took off his glove. Symbolically this means he trying to be more open, more free, more approachable.

This would make it easier to give the wrong feeling of trust to the team, which is the plan Kuro was given

*searching through my notes* okay did I miss anything…? Ah Yes!!

When Shiro first meets those two freedom fighters the transmission radio picks of two things; something less important about Lotor and Voltron.

Which one was ignored and which one was heard?

Yes guys, Kuro didn’t even pay attention to Lotor cuz that’s not what he was told to do. He was told to find out about Voltron which, he did.

Also with those freedom fighters, we learn this:

It wouldn’t have been easy to escape injured and tired. When he escaped the first time it was with the help of Ulaz. They didn’t even try keeping him there, he wasn’t restrained and didn’t have any guards. The only thing trying to stop him were those androids they know Kuro/Shiro could easily defeat.

And last thing.

And I think this is the most important thing.

He didn’t finish that sentence.

He didn’t say he wasn’t a traitor.

He didn’t have too.

This concludes my presentation on ‘Proving That’s not Shiro but Kuro the Clone’

Thank you for your time.

For my next presentation, I will talk about why we should save Kuro and love him indefinitely

Help Me Out?

[rezilient-m3]

July 24th

Looooooong post alert. Sorry, not sorry. It’s a doozey.

Soooooooooooooo.... Nothing’s changed. Still homeless, and still at my mum’s with my daughters. Alex & I are semi civil when exchanging D. I did write him a long ass email about how I think “sharing” him should go, and surprise surprise, no response. I guess I will see what his intentions are when he gets another job. 

Anyways, going back to the beginning. July 3rd was a Sat, and I had went for a trip half ways between my house and my parent’s place, so I can pick up my oldest son for a visit, and they were bringing him. Next day was when all that shit went down and changed everything. 

I was in the middle of cleaning out the garage because I was finally on summer break and getting all the shit I wanted to do, out of the way. Alex, and all 5 kids, went out to the school parking lot to practice skateboards and whatever else. I stayed back because supper was done and I had dishes and cleaning to do. Alex texts to say T was grounded and on her way home. I’m thinking “now what?”. I didn’t say anything. T didn’t come home right away, until they did soon after. What I remember happening next was Alex telling me that T had S’s scooter and wouldn’t give it back right away when asked. S got all whiny, then Alex told her to give it to her, and she threw it and said “Go get it.” Typical T shit. He was not happy. 

So, we’re all home. He’s mad. She’s mad. I’m getting there too. I sent her to her room, telling her something about treating the shit we buy them with respect and she doesn’t have to always react that way when she doesn’t get her way. Tell her she’s grounded... and this is where the back-talking starts. “Is that all you know how to do?” Booooooooy, If I ever said something like that to an adult in my life, I would have gotten slapped. And it’s what I wanted to do in that moment. I said something else, took away her tablet, radio, and guitar, cuz eff her. Told her to stay in her room. 

It didn’t end here. I thought it was over. Next thing, Alex comes back inside telling me she has to go get her damn helmet cuz she left it there. Now, I couldn’t give two shits about a damn helmet, but I couldn’t let her get away with not doing what she was fucken being told. Especially with Alex home. So, I tell her. Even tried “making” her. And me not getting her to do what is asked of her is just pissing me more off, and not fucking helping anything. But I’m upset. I’m standing in her room, yelling at her saying she didn’t have a choice but to go and get that damn helmet. She refused. I don’t remember what I exactly said, but I was about to walk out of her room, and she decided to tell me to “Get out of her room.” I turned around so fast. I told her I gave her this room and I could easily take it away from her... “GO AHEAD.” Bihhhhhhhh. I grabbed her by her cheeks, squeezing, screaming in her face, stopping myself from hitting her, telling her she doesn’t speak that way to me ever. She’s sitting in her desk chair, and I’m standing over her, so she was in the position to push me away by pushing my face upwards. I think I scared the shit out of her. But she knocked off my glasses, gets up and tries running away. I pushed her to the wall, screaming still. And she went lock herself in the downstairs bathroom. 

This is the part I regret, because it escalated still. I was banging on the door for her to open it, and she’s crying. I heard Alex coming in, so I walked up, putting on my glasses and I say the words “She fucken hit me.” (Now, at the time I felt she had hit me, but she was really pushing me away from yelling in her face. I know this now. He doesn’t). He automatically gets even more pissed off, goes to the door banging on it, and I don’t even remember what he’s saying. But he did mention calling the cops for “assaulting me” and kicked the door open. Fuck, I thought. Of course I tell him not to. So, all of it turns around to me. Now it’s all my fault that she’s like this, and she’s going to end up in jail when she’s older, and she’s so fucked up... blah, blah, blah. 

((Now, I’m gonna go off script a bit to say my part on how I know I had handled everything about that situation wrong. I did not have to get on all of their levels and blow up too. I know this. But you also need to understand what I go through, and how I feel when it comes to these situations. This is the 3rd time it’s gotten this bad since the 1st time, in Dec, the 3rd time he’s kicked us out. And I’m a really big avoider too. I hate conflict. All things I know I need to work on. But since Alex had been home, this time, I was really hoping this shit wouldn’t happen. I didn’t want him to get this mad and kick us out again. My anxiety, and heart rate, goes up instantly when I hear him yelling. It’s sick. lol. So, I did what I did to try to avoid him getting so angry. But I had made it worse. None of what I just said doesn’t make anything right, but I’m just being honest in what was going through my mind at the time. ))

After he told me I need to get her under control, and how he can’t take it anymore, he walked out. I stood there trying not to cry. I went down to the bathroom, and I instantly felt bad, but don’t show it. She’s crying her eyes out, sitting between the wall and toilet. I sat there and calmly told her she brought this upon herself. All she had to do was go get her stupid helmet when she was told. All she had to do was listen. (Looking back at this, I feel horrible about how I’ve handled all of it.) I picked up her, took her to her room, and told her to just stay there. I went up to the upstairs bathroom and just cry. 

I try to compose myself to face my son. I felt horrible about my witnessing all of this. He was just trying to visit and spend some time with us. He was ready for a fun week. He messaged me saying he was sorry it happened, but he knew it wasn’t my fault and he was sorry. Just made me cry more. But I go down, and tell him we were going for a drive. I knew T would stay in her room. The other kids were doing their own thing, probably avoiding to get involved. So we go get in the vehicle. I told Alex we were just going for a drive. But he stood at my door, saying things over. He’s sick of T bringing down the whole house and her behaviour and that I need to do something with her. I said I would talk to her later. I can see he’s getting more upset at me at how much I was just trying to avoid arguing. I was avoiding, but he took at as me not giving a shit. Told me I should just go and take her to my mum’s. I said no. He says, “Oh yeah, cuz nobody over there wants her there. Nobody anywhere wants her there.” He eventually walks away, and again, I’m sitting there with tears streaming again. We leave.

I don’t even know where we’re going but we went to the city. We talked. I said I might just have to leave again. I apologize profusely. We get back to being ourselves a bit, laughing and talking like we do. We went to Starbucks, then I decide to go to my twin brother’s apartment. He had a person coming to view his place, as he had put in his notice to move out at the end of the month, so I went clean. Alex asked me if I was going back and I say to just put kids to bed without me. We stayed there for a few hours. It was after 1230am and my son said his dad is in the city and asked if it was okay if he went there. In his mind he thought he’d come back to the house the next day and we’d carry on with our visit. I knew better. But I let him. We went to the house to get his Xbox, and Alex was there. I walk past him and say I’m taking my son to his dad. My son stayed outside, and they talked a bit. he said Alex apologized to him about earlier. whatever, we left again.

I knew I shouldn’t have went back to the house. In my mind I knew it was just going to turn into another fight, and it did. I got home, tried to avoid him. He followed me inside and started saying all those things again. Only escalating, saying worse things. She needs psychiatric help. She needs to be put on meds. She’s this dark cloud in the house who makes everyone miserable. She’s this and that and a real bitch. Like, holy fuck. She’s 11.! He said he tried, but couldn’t do it anymore. I told him he can have his house back and we’ll leave in the morning. I walk upstairs to the room, trying to ignore him, cuz this point he’s yelling at me again. He smashed her guitar and threw it across the room to the wall. I got scared, walked out, grabbed my keys and went to my vehicle. He’s yelling at me from the driveway, saying who knows what. Again, I’m sitting there crying. I don’t know what to do. I message my sister thing (niece, but sister), A, saying I’m coming home. But I’m tired and fucken dead. She just says I should go to my brother’s and sleep and leave in the morning. So, I told Alex that was what I was going to do. He writes to go have fun with my boyfriend, and I’m a bitch, and whatever else. I ignored him. 

Next morning I woke up super early, even though I went to bed late and couldn’t sleep well. I went to the house, got my son’s bag, took it to where he was, and told him I was going to my parent’s, so he would stay with his dad instead. I got back, and it was only 9am. Everyone is still sleeping. I chilled in T’s room, cuz she as sleeping in her sister’s room. And I immediately started searching for a new house. Applied for one (didn’t get it). But I hear Alex get up. I went down to start folding clothes so I could wake up girl’s and get going. I assumed Alex went outside, cuz it’s what he usually does, but when I went into the room to grab my things, he’s laying there with D and he goes, “What do you want?” “My things, cuz I’m leaving.” D popped up, “Are you going to kokum’s?” “Yes.” “I want to come.” Alex, “No, you’re not going anywhere.” Quiet. I’m using my phone flashlight to look around and grab my clothes, and he says “You’re so fucking dramatic. Turn on the fucking light you idiot.” I said I was trying not to open anything cuz he’s still in bed. Then, gets more mad. Gets dressed and goes outside. This whole time of getting our shit together, I’m really trying not to react to the things he’s saying to not fight anymore in front of the kids. He just didn’t seem to care. 

I’m ready, S & K are ready, so we’re waiting on T to get her shit. I go check on D. My poor baby is sitting in his closet crying cuz he wants to come. I go and tell Alex that he’s crying because he wants to come, “That’s nice,” What a jerk. He went to D’s room. Idk what he says, but he went back outside. So, I go in and tell him I’m sorry for daddy being mad. I tell him I’m sorry we’re fighting. But I tell him no matter what, we both still love him. I sat there holding him, crying with him, because this hurts me more to leave him like that. Alex comes back and started talking shit in front of him again. “Don’t believe your mom, she doesn’t give a shit.” I look at him, “Holy, don’t say stuff like that.” He says something about I don’t care because I rather leave then try with him. (So, saying’s true, my dudes: “Hurt people, hurt people”). He walks away, and I tell my very understanding almost 6 year old, that mommy and daddy are not getting along right now, and daddy’s just upset right now, and he shouldn’t believe what he’s saying about mommy, because he should know that I do love him and I would take him if I could. It fucken killed me to walk away from my son like that. I was devastated for days after. 

I’m sitting here trying to recall everything else that’s happened in these last 3 weeks and I’m blank. A lot of house rental ads. Some too small, some too dirty in ghetto locations in the city, and most too expensive. I still don’t have one yet. I’m still drowning in my feelings of helplessness. Starting to feel unwelcomed in my mum’s house because of they way she can be towards my girl’s. I’m failing here. I’m super overwhelmed at all the things that needs to be done by the time we go back to school. I need to get an affordable house big enough for us. I’ll need to buy furniture, food, kitchen appliances, bathroom shit.... everything a house needs, and school supplies. 

Plus, I met with our counselor today, in the city, along with the woman who gave T & K NMT assessments to discuss what’s she came up with for recommendations on how to approach their behaviours with their developmental levels. I think I’ve explained this before. Idk. It sounds more complicated than it is. But this was done through my counselors application to Jordan’s Principal. We got approved for the two girl’s to have all of these assessments done to see how we can help them improve. Along with the NMT assessment, they will have OT assessments done (occupational therapy), and Kiana had a learning disability assessment, which we’re on the middle of completing, and speech impediment assessment. So, on top of my life falling apart, I still need to keep up with these things. Which I am. I hope. I told the counselor and NMT lady, I will get in touch as soon as I settle to discuss her recommendations further. They were understanding. 

So, bottom line is, I know my girl can be a handful. I know she can be hard to deal with at times. But I also know that she has come a looooooong ways from how she was when I first get her back in June last year. And I know these assessments and future appointments will help her for the better. Alex just wasn’t patient enough. So, I don’t feel bad about leaving. I wasn’t the parent she needs me to be when I am around him. I’ve been realizing a lot of things about myself since I’ve been gone from him. I’ve changed myself so much to be who he wanted me to be. I’ve tried avoiding so much conflict, resulting in me not caring for my girls the way that they should be taken care of. I’ve also not been my true self around him, and it was getting to me.

An example of what I am trying to say here is, my best friends (A & M... I can’t remember what I had named them before lol... but the ones I grew up with and went on a trip with) were n the city one weekend. I knew they were coming, I knew they’d wanna go out, but in the back of my mind, I didn’t wanna ask Alex if I could go and ask him to watch the kids, so I thought I’d go after they went to bed. But by the time they were sleeping, and I knew he was gonna go to bed, I knew he’d get upset about it, or act like it doesn’t bother him until it does. Stupid shit like this I go through internally. So, I didn’t go out. I didn’t say anything to Alex, I made excuses to my friends and I went to bed when he did. I hated myself for that. And other stupid shit like this. I go to bed when he does, cuz if I don’t he gets mad cuz he can’t sleep. or I don’t go shopping or play bingo cuz I don’t want to upset him for being left alone with the kids. Especially if something goes wrong and they get him mad. And another thing I can’t seem to let go now, is, my family never comes to visit at the house when he’s there. He clearly has a problem with the family I’m closer too, which made me sad. Like, my sister thing A, she never comes anymore because she’s scared at the way he gets upset. They don’t really talk. And I love her company. Or my gay neph. He nannies for me when Alex is working, but has a problem with him because he’s smoked pot in his garage, or left a mess in there when he otld me not to let him in there there anymore lol. It didn’t seem like a huge deal to me, since at the time it was winter and I was going to smoke in there anyways. We had just forgot to clean it out before he got home. So, most of my family didn’t feel comfortable being there when he was home from work. Which really sucked, now that I look back on it. Or even when my oldest sister, R, and our mum come over. When the casino and bingos were closed because of covid, we made it a thing where they came to my house and we gambled with playing cards, usually until it’s late. And when he was home, I’d make an excuse of why I didn’t want to, then they’d end up not coming. And I would just go to bed when he does. Just real fake I was. 

One of the days we were playing cards, last week, here at my mum’s, I was surrounded by my sisters and our mum. I spent that whole time comfortable in my own skin, laughing and making jokes. Then I was outside having a smoke and something occurred to me in that moment: I was never exactly like that in that house. That thought made me really sad. ...Like, sure Alex and I had our own inside jokes, and we were able to lay in bed, at night, and laugh at the dumbest things, but it wasn’t the same. I don’t understand. 

I love him, and this all sucks. It kinda hurts not even asked to go back lol. It kinda hurts that he’s out there making plans to go to the west coast, because he can now afford to go without us, with just him and D. I’m even left wondering what he’s doing when I have D, and he’s at his house with his friend Michelle getting drunk. (He did let our son come visit me twice since. We’re kinda civil when we’re trading him off, and through msges. Whatever)

...But I still feel relieved. And a bit excited. I just keep reminding myself that I am going to get all that I am working for, and I am going to find myself sitting in my own house, on my own couch, not worrying about anyone else taking and of that away from me again. This is too fucken much. I can’t go through this ever again. I need to show my girl’s that I am all about them and I am not going anywhere. 

So, this is where my life is at. Lost. Confused. Stuck. Helpless. But still fucking trying every damn week. This is why I hate weekends. Can never get shit done. But hopefully I find something else. It’s almost the first. My dad said he’ll help, so I’m not totally fucked. He said he would put 3 months rent and damage for me, and help with furniture and shit. I feel bad, but I need him. Bless him. And reason why it’s harder to find a place, is because I have no recent landlord references, I’m currently on E.I, and not working, and I want a house that isn’t a main floor or basement suite. I don't want an apartment either. Or to be in rougher neighborhoods. So, I have limited options. But I am also fucking determined, so pray for us. lol. 

[queen-archeron]

The Third Sister

*insert gif that somehow goes along with this fic cuz i couldn’t find one after an hour of searching* *also insert better title cuz i’m not creative and couldn’t come up with one lol*

Note: Okay, I had several breaks in between this that lasted like three hours each so this took me a while to finish this without getting distracted haha. Don’t know what I was doing with it but tbh I’m just writing trashy fics right now so I can get back into writing like I used to. Life has really gotten in the way of my writing mind set and I feel like my fics have gone from OK to awful in a matter of days. I had to post this somewhere tho or else I’ll never know if I’m doing better haha. Please tell me where I’ve changed from my other fics because I need to make them better. 

Ordering twelve dozen cookies for a Christmas party was the last thing Azriel wanted to be doing. Unfortunately though, Cassian and Rhys called “not it” before he could, and now he was on his way to the local bakery with a frown on his face.

Every year, Rhys hosted a big Christmas party and invited everyone in their small town of Velaris. Nothing ever happened here, and Az was pretty sure his best friend’s Christmas party was one of the only things people looked forward to at this time of year.

Azriel wasn’t like his brothers, though. He hated big parties and social gatherings because they always made him exhausted afterwards. Not to mention he was officially the only single one left in their small group of friends.

Rhysand had met who he liked to call his “future wife” two years ago at the party. Her name was Feyre, and funny enough, Cassian had started dating her sister, Nesta, soon after. He was aware that they had a third sister living somewhere in town, and his brothers always joked about Azriel and her dating so they could be brother-in-laws, but he didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

After a five minute walk from Cassian’s house to the downtown area—or at least that’s what people called the section of town with one restaurant and three stores—he spotted the bakery Rhys had told him about and sighed in relief.

Snow was falling from the cloudy sky which matched perfectly with Azriel’s current mood, and there were only a few people out and about on the streets. As he walked towards the entrance to the small shop, he glanced at the display window and gaped at the hundreds of cookies and cupcakes set out for people to look at.

Now he knew why Rhys always ordered from here.

There was a small bell that rang when he opened the door, and he immediately felt the heat coming from the vents around the room. He would much rather stay there then walk back to the house in the snow.

“Coming,” a voice called from behind the counter. Azriel stuffed his hands in his pocket and looked around the store. The walls were a baby pink color, and there were pictures of cakes and pastries hung around the room.

Azriel froze when he spotted a particular picture that showed three girls laughing with frosting on their faces. He recognized two of them—Nesta and Feyre—and stared at the third for what felt like hours. The girl was beautiful, and he knew it must be the third sister because of the resemblance.

“Can I help you, sir?”

Azriel jumped back from the photograph and looked towards the counter to see the same girl he had been staring at wearing a blue apron and shy smile of her face. He gulped and stepped forward, watching her carefully.

“Yeah, I just needed to make an order for twelve dozen cookies.” He knew he sounded stupid, because who ordered that many cookies at once? Well, apparently Rhys did.

The girl looked up at him as she typed some things into the cash register. “I assume these are for Rhysand’s annual Christmas party?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that she knew. “Indeed. He’s sent me to run all of the errands this year.”

She smiled more, and his gaze caught on her beautiful lips, but only for a second.

“Are your sisters Feyre and Nesta?” He suddenly asked, studying her carefully. If she was the third sister, he hated to admit that his brothers might be right. This girl was a goddess.

“Yes. And you’re Azriel, correct?” She spoke as she continued typing things into the register, and he cleared his throat and nodded.

“How do you know me?”

She finally froze and looked up at him, amusement shining in those brown eyes. “Nesta and Feyre try to set me up with you all the time, even though I’ve never met you until now.”

She seemed so calm as she said that, like it was the easiest thing in the world. He was basically freaking out in his mind, and he hoped his face didn’t show that.

“Oh, well…yeah, my brothers tease me about that, too. But it’s, uh, it’s great to finally meet you,” he stumbled, moving a hand to the back of his neck and he internally cringed at himself for being an idiot.

“I’m Elain, by the way. I’m sure you know that already, but a proper introduction would be nice,” she laughed, holding out her hand.

He quickly shook it with one of his and marveled at how fragile she seemed. It occurred to him that she had never been present during any of Rhysand’s parties in the past years, because he was sure he would have noticed her before.

“The cookies should be ready in a few hours,” she murmured under her breath, snapping him from his thoughts.

“Are you going to the party this year?” He asked as she turned around to get the receipt that was being printed. Her small grin faltered when she turned back to him and handed him the small slip of paper so he could sign.

“I’m also not a big party person,” she said with a chuckle.

Azriel handed the paper back to her after he signed. “You should come this year. I’m not a party person either, so it would be nice to have someone there I can relate to.”

Elain smiled brightly and shrugged. “I don’t know…doesn’t the entire town go to that thing?”

Azriel wanted to lie and say no, but he couldn’t, so he kept his mouth shut. She took that as a yes.

“I have an idea,” she said, leaning against the counter with a smirk. “Why don’t you come here? We could bake and watch old Christmas movies, or if you don’t want to do that we could go to the theater and see a movie.”

Azriel smiled and considered her invitation. It wasn’t like he’d be missing anything big. By the end of the night Rhys was always making out with Feyre and Nesta was already dragging Cassian to some open bedroom. It was the same thing every year. He figured he could use a break—a distraction.

“I’d love that,” he murmured, and they got stuck staring at each other for a moment. Her eyes moved to his lips slowly, then back up to his eyes. He gulped and smirked at her when he saw a blush reach her cheeks.

“I’ll see you Friday night, then,” she said softly.

He nodded in agreement and cleared his throat. “Um, it was nice to meet you, Elain.”

She had turned around to head to the back of the store, but she looked over her shoulder and said, “It was nice to meet you, too.”

As Azriel finally walked outside again, he had a feeling he would be going back a lot more often.

[adelmortescryche]

R u ready cuz i got me a LIST. I'll send prompts in separate asks and if u don't like any feel free to disregard! First off is Victuuri, with "I'm not very good with commitment, or soulmates, or love." Preferably said by Yuuri bc i l o v e angst. A lot.

hah, can i just say that i was fcking delighted to get this one with Yuuri being the one to say the line. i mean, as i mentioned before, i’d have had yuuri say it either way, but then i registered that that was exactly what you wanted anyway. such a lovely coincidence. this turned out fluffier than expected, but hey, it’s still mildly angsty.

an explanation in advance, if it isn’t obvious: soulmates live their lives in this ‘verse with sensory deprivation of some sort. so they’re all actually impaired to a certain extent until they meet their soulmates. soulmates don’t necessarily have to be romantic or stay together. guess what side of the argument these two dorks are on.

In response to this post. salty soulmate prompts ftw.

Victor supposed that he should have seen this coming. He’d spent his entire adult life wondering what taste was, read books about flavor and food, and stared at cooking shows, wondering if food was really more than just aesthetic appreciation and matter being shoveled in for energy and nutrition. Whether there was actually someone out there, a destined someone who would who would bring flavor and taste into his life like a tidal wave. He’d heard Chris think about smell in the same way until he’d met his dashing mystery man, too - if it was real, if something as mundane as the way things smelt was worth the hype.

The first thing he’d done in the aftermath was drag Chris into a flower shop. And had weathered the teasing about being a pathetic romantic while Chris all but buried his face in a vase full of lilies.

So, yes. He should have seen this coming. He’d spent enough years as a precocious teen scoffing at the thought of something as ridiculous as fate and a soulmate deciding anything about his life. He’d spent many more as a lonely adult thinking that it might not be that bad, having someone promised to you so soundly. He should have seen this coming. 

Yuuri, for his part, just looked uncomfortable. And maybe a little tired, eyes just a bit puffy and red. His fingers were tight around the edge of his door, holding it in place like a shield to hold Victor at bay. Ridiculous. As if Victor needed anything of the sort to keep him back when Yuuri-

“Sorry. I’m just… not very good with commitment. Or soulmates. Or love. We had this discussion already, Victor, I’m-”

Not good with people, Yuuri had said. Not good with relationships, casual or otherwise. Just not comfortable with social interaction outside the bare minimum at all. Funny how Victor had assumed that meant people who weren’t soulmates. Relationships that didn’t involve him. Because he was- because Yuuri was-

“Sorry.” Yuuri repeated, and slammed the door shut in his face.

 *

“You look like you need a drink.”

He blinked muzzily down at the table, then forced himself to lift his head enough to peer up at the red clad form kneeling on the other side of the table from him.

Ah. It had gotten rather quiet, hadn’t it.

“Sorry, I’ll go back up,” he mumbled, a few more blinks making it easier to recognize the form as Mari. Yuuri’s older sister.

She just shook her head, though, gesturing for Victor to stay where he was, then proceeded to settle into a more loose-limbed crosslegged posture. It took a little longer for the situation to compute, but when it did, Victor’s head drooped a little lower. 

“You heard us.” It wasn’t a question.

“Aa. You were very quiet, but…” she shrugged, unapologetic, and Victor had to give a tired laugh. Fantastic. Obviously he shouldn’t have brought the topic up at the inn. But it was either the inn or the rink, or the walk between the two. Or assorted restaurants that Yuuri had been willing to introduce him to. If nothing else, the inn had been more private than the other options.

They were silent for a moment of companionable silence, long enough that Victor suddenly found himself wondering if Mari had met her soulmate yet. What her take on the topic was. Yuuri had made his stance very clear, but that didn’t mean all the Katsukis felt the same way.

“My brother… he isn’t shy.”

Mari’s words were blunt. Abruptly so. They made Victor blink again, confused, but she barged on before he could actually understand what she meant.

“He isn’t shy, but people make him uneasy. People who want his time make him break. Ah, I mean-” she paused, looking irritable, but Victor nodded slowly in response, willing to take her at face value. Even if the thought of Yuuri breaking made something sick settle at the bottom of his gut.

“He gets very uneasy, when he does not know what someone wants. It is always better to tell him what you want.”

Victor frowns at that, and wants to argue that that was exactly what he’d done. He’d come clean. He’d said that flavors had bloomed in his mouth only after he’d met Yuuri. He’d even left himself open to hurt, and said that he was happy that Yuuri was the one to return his missing sense to him. How much clearer could a man get?

Mari just looked vaguely exasperated, though. Maybe a little long-suffering. She was older than him, Victor remembered distantly. It had been so long since he’d had peers who were older than him that actually mattered.

“You want that drink?” she asked.

Victor shook his head.

“Then you sleep. Go. And talk to my idiot brother in the morning. Oyasumi.”

“Oyasumi,” Victor parroted dumbly, watching as she pushed herself to her feet and walked away. Not sure if he should take issue with the appellation, then deciding that if anyone had the right to call Yuuri an idiot, it was his older sister.

By the time he got himself to his room, Makka was already curled up and half asleep on top of the covers. The sight makes him pause by the door, an odd smile pulling taut across his face. Even when Makka lifting her head to stare at him questioningly, wondering why he hadn’t already gotten into bed already, didn’t erase the smile from his lips.

Well. He still had Makka, didn’t he. This didn’t change anything. Yuuri didn’t change anything. Soulmates didn’t change anything. He could still try coaching for an year, be thankful for the break and actually enjoy eating food.

So what if he’d been right all along, as a teen. His seventeen year old self would probably laugh to see how far he’d fallen.

Makka whined, and Victor stepped into the room, the action a reflex more than anything else. Her stare was enough to get him switch off the one lamp that was still lit, and get under the covers without much more thought.

“You’re more disapproving than a mother with a teenager under her roof,” Victor muttered into the curls topping her head, once she’d flopped down on top of him, all but burying him beneath herself. 

No response, but then, he’d never needed one, from Makkachin. He could always tell when she wanted him around. Now if only Yuuri were that easy to re-

A cool, dry nose nudged at the hollow of his throat, sudden enough that he almost yelped in surprise. When he pulled back, he found Makka staring up at him accusingly. It had him bursting into snickers that he promptly buried into her fur, much to her sleepy irritation. Not that she protested. She never did.

Okay, then. Sleep. Actual sleep, without working himself into the ground thinking about Yuuri, or fate or anything else that was liable to leave him awake through the night. He was a coach now, after all. And if his student was avoiding him… Well, then he’d just meet his student halfway. Soulmate or not.

*

A few days down the line proved early on that Yuuri was not an easy man to meet halfway. Not when he seemed stubborn and embarrassed enough that he was doing his literal best to skedaddle whenever Victor got anywhere near close enough to ask to talk.

It was enough to drive a man crazy. Especially when Mari slowly went from looking exasperating to commiserating to amused. Hiroko and Toshiya weren’t of any help either, clearly just as amused as their daughter, and while Minako was kind enough to split bottles of sake and plum wine with him, but she wasn’t kind enough to not laugh at his plight.

“You seem to be doing something right, at least. Yuuri sure as hell wouldn’t act like this with a coach.” Minako crowed, while Victor knocked back the last dregs of whatever had been left in the flask before them.

“It’s not like it helps. He won’t even talk to me!” he snapped back, and immediately regretted it. A friendly listening ear aside, Minako was still Yuuri’s old ballet teacher. Lilia would probably smile with perfect poise in a similar situation, all the while plotting to murder anyone badmouthing her students.

Minako, thankfully, just laughed some more, and patted him roughly on the back. Hiroko, in the process of bringing out yet another bottle of wine, most likely for Minako because Victor was stopping while he was ahead, reached out to pat him on the shoulder, murmuring something in Japanese that just made Minako laugh even harder. Victor wasn’t sure if he wanted to know or not.

The mean glint in Minako’s eyes told him that he was really better off not knowing.

A clatter near the entryway had Victor glancing that way reflexively, only to find Yuuri in the process of leaving, most likely for an evening run. Yuuri barely met his eyes for a split second before he dashed away, though. It was barely a surprise at this point.

“See? That’s not how he’d treat a coach. I should know, I’ve been his teacher since he was a tiny kid. Hell, I stood in for a coach a whole lot when he’d been a kid, too.”

Victor’s not sure how it matters, when the equation there was so different from whatever was getting built between him and Yuuri. Maybe that was where he was supposed to start in that talk. Mari though he should tell Yuuri what he wanted, but… that didn’t seem to be helping at all. Maybe he should just ask what Yuuri wanted instead.

Something of the frustration brewing in his head must have shown on his face, because Minako nearly cackled. And proceeded to fill his ochoko with another shot of sake.

“Drink up, boy, clearly you’re going to need it. And then maybe you can consider going on a run to catch up with Yuuri-kun.”

“Maybe,” Victor agreed, the smile on his face a lot more plastic than it had been in a while. No way in hell was he going to go chasing after Yuuri. Not only could he set a terrifying pace when he was focused, Victor suspected that trying to catch up with him after that momentary traded glance earlier would backfire a lot more than any other attempts he’d made so far.

So no. Maybe he could try to catch him at the rink in the morning. He felt safer near the ice, right. That’s what Nishigori and Yuuko had implied, at any rate.

Well, Victor could say the same. Neutral ground! Maybe that would help, if nothing else did. Honestly, he didn’t even care as much about soulmates any longer, not after the last few days he’d been through. No, fate and destiny could go fuck themselves, all he wanted was Yuuri, acting normal again. His fledgling student, the fellow competitor who’d managed to sweep his heart away well before Victor even registered that he’d returned his missing sense as well, the man whom Victor had slowly begun to realize would be a worthy friend to have, too, aside from everything else.

Morning. The ice rink. It was on.

*

“…Victor, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

Victor, in the process of getting his skates off, eyes hard in his head, started in surprise. When he regained enough control to look back at Yuuko, who’d managed to sneak up on him when he’d been busy knocking the ice off of his blades, she just looked more alarmed than her voice had suggested.

The expression did little to soothe his ire, but he did take the time to offer her a smile. It’s not her fault that her friend is starting to feel roughly as stubborn and bratty as Yura. Victor was tempted to shove that in Yuuri’s face, just to see how he’d react to it. 

“It’s nothing, we’ll be taking a break today, i think.” he replied, smile firmly pasted in place, and Yuuko stared at him for an uncomfortably long moment before finally coughing out a laugh.

“Don’t be too hard on him. Yuuri isn’t shy, he’s just-”

“Really not good with people. Yes, thank you, I’ve figured that out now.” Victor completed cheerfully, something in him very tempted to drop the smiles to the wayside just this once, because he was tired, damnit, but Yuuko didn’t deserve the vitriol buried beneath them, just waiting to be unleashed. 

She looked uncomfortably knowing when she waved him out of the rink, all the same. 

Cycling back to the inn in the cold air managed to cool him down somewhat, enough so that he’s relatively calm by the time he’s kicking his shoes off in the genkan and trading them in for his own pair of indoor slippers.

He runs into Mari when he’s heading up the stair, and she only needs a single glance at his face before she lips tugged apart in a delighted smirk.

“Finally,” she declared, sounding aggrieved. “Do you have any idea how irritating the two of you have been these past few days. Please go tell him what you want from him so he can stop hiding in his covers.”

“Thanks, Mari,” Victor replied pleasantly, not bothering to correct her, and somehow that just made her smirk broaden. She didn’t say any more, though, instead continuing down the stairs without giving him any grief.

By the time he gets Yuuri’s door open to drag him out to the beach, he’d almost completely managed to convince himself that he’ll be okay with however this is going to end. Even if everyone else seemed to have their own opinions about what’s going to happen. 

*

“-and even if I couldn’t actually feel her arms around me back then, something about that situation left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I just- shoved her away. Because she was making assumptions about what I was feeling, and was forcing her emotions on me… It’s never been something I’ve been comfortable with. I need space, Victor. To just exist, maybe to figure out what I want. And no one I’ve been with in even the flimsiest of a relationship till now seems to understand that, outside of my family and friends, here. I’m not weak.”

And so the unease about commitment. And love. And soulmates. Victor tightened his grip around Makkachin involuntarily, only relaxing it when she whined, confused. 

Yuuri sounded exhausted, and vehement, almost like the words he’s said had been clawing at his throat ever since they’d stopped talking to each other.

“No one thinks you’re weak, Yuuri. I certainly don’t. This entire time, all I’ve wanted was to ask you what you wanted out of this. I said that I’m certain we’re soulmates, but that doesn’t have to mean anything more that you want it to. Did you want me to be a father figure to you? A sibling, a friend, a lover-” Victor paused when Yuuri’s hand abruptly reached out to cover his mouth. 

When he looked over to the side, Yuuri’s face was flushed enough that it bordered on unhealthy. He seemed determined, though. So Victor waited, curious.

The next thing he knew, Yuuri was standing up and bowing, at a perfectly formal 90 degrees, arms steady at his sides. It’s enough to make Victor fumble in place, eyes going wide, but before he could say anything, Yuuri was speaking, Japanese spilling smoothly past his lips, in a stream fast enough that Victor had no chance of understanding any of it. It wasn’t much, only a sentence, but at the end of it, Yuuri eased off on the bow enough that Victor could see his face again. And the small, impish smile playing on his lips, too.

“Pleased to meet you, thank you for returning my tactile sense.” He said, this time around in English, and Victor choked on a surprised laugh, delight budding bright in his chest.

“Yuuri-”

Yuuri just cleared his throat rather pointedly, though, and Victor sighed, smiling a little helplessly as he pushed himself to his feet. 

“Pleased to meet you, thank you for returning my sense of taste.”

“There. That was better.” Yuuri said, actually laughing out loud when Victor rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

They stayed on the beach for longer, simply walking by the water, throwing a ball for Makka whenever she got bored, segueing into more casual topics of conversation, even discussing what it felt like to have a sense returned to them. Apparently Yuuri had been stuck in bed for weeks because of how bad the pain had been for him, years of ballet and figure skating without any tactile sensation finally catching up with him. Victor had cringed at the thought, in turn offering up photos of all the different food combinations and cuisines he’d taken to trying out once he had a fully functioning sense of taste.

It wasn’t until they were ready to leave that Yuuri slowed down to say that he didn’t want Victor to be anything but himself. Because Victor the Person, his coach and possibly his friend, was at least a little more important than whatever had destined for them to be soulmates.

It’s enough to make Victor think, if only for a split second, that he’s very relieved that Yuuri was the person that had been destined for him after all.

*

A few months down the line and Victor’s tackling Yuuri to the ice, heedless of the screams and the lights and sound of thousands of camera shutters flashing, hellbent on smothering him in kisses. He’s still not sure if that’s more because Yuuri was his soulmate or because Yuuri was Yuuri, and Yuuri was never going to stop surprising him, but by that point, Victor really couldn’t care less.