#dang flab it

[robotsweater]

stupid sexy vampire got me writing fake bard songs smh

[readyplayerziggy]

Elf archer that has to switch to a crossbow cause her chest is too dang fat for her to get a decent draw on her bow anymore. It's not even that she has tits, her chest is just flab from all the junk she's eaten.

[fat-slobby-hunks]

Akechi and Akira, two dudes sitting in a hot tub three feet apart cause their asses are so dang fat there's practically no space for anyone else so the only way Ryuji and Yusuke can get int the hot tub is to sit on their laps and ohhp the jiggling moved the fupas enough for the boners to come out-

"Hey! Just because we're soaking together doesn't mean we're close! You three just happened to pick the last available hot tub... that is ALL!" Akechi said face burning red as he was straddled by Yusuke keeping the detective in place pinned beneath a mountain of flab with the artist's wide rump and back fat obscuring his vision just as much as his own fattened jowls did.

"Yeah whatever you say... let's just enjoy the moment I've been waiting all day for this!" Akira said sighing as his flabby body filled up the other half of the tub letting the water overflow around him and Ryuji who was positioned perfect on Akira's lap the skull of the Phantom thieves blushing redder than a tomato with ever jiggly movement they made. And it certainly didn't help the fact that he could feel something thick and girthy start to push its way against his cheeks. He was practically hotdogging their leader infront of their enemy!

"I do wish we had better company... the detective seems to have forgotten proper bath etiquette. Honestly I'd much rather be in Ryuji's lap than his... though I must say the sensation of being pressed together like this is uniquely inspiring." Yusuke chuckled as he pressed his gut against Ryuji's letting their bulky forms grind and slap against one another. He was practically motorboating Ryuji's man tis playfully squeezing and pinching the extra sensitive spots to make the ex jock squeal. Even their fupas were touching with fat sunken members eager to release as they grinded up against each other.

[prankprincess123]

I know intellectually that most women are insecure about their bodies at multiple points in their life, and that it merely being a teenage girl thing is a untrue stereotype. But as a teenager is when I was the most confident about my body.

Between 12 and 16yo I grew 6in and 60lbs; I went from a 5'2" 60lbs matchstick to 5'8" 120lbs and able to carry around someone equal my weight for an hour and barely notice. I had a six pack, could swim an entire lap before I needed to come up for air, was training for triathlons 6 days a week, and considered a 10km bikeride a light workout. I was ripped, had great hair, and rarely ever had pimples. I was absolutely stunning, and I knew it. I even worked in the fashion industry one summer.

But now I'm in my 20s, and physically can't exercise anywhere near how much I want to. I got whats called walking pneumonia, that the doctors didn't identify till I'd been sick for 6 months, at which point I'd coughed so hard I'd broken 3 ribs and had severe scarring in my lungs that I'm still in physio for 8y later. I messed up my knee in a biking accident, and 7y later the doctors still don't know what I did or how to fix it beyond prescribing more physio. Add in several concussions, and you guessed it more physio each time, as well as increasing lengths of time before being allowed to go back to sports. And then a severely broken elbow, and yep, more physio! And between school eating my time and the pain from these injuries, physiotherapy often ends up the only regular exercise I get. I've both gained weight and lost insane amounts of muscle. The muscles in my right arm especially atrophied after being in various casts and slings for 3 months this year. Even with both arms I couldn't even lift my 7yo brother (🐻) from the lake onto the boat this summer, and almost cried. Intelectually I know I'm still gorgeous regardless, and I know I'm still fairly fit even, and my clothing sizes haven't even changed just how they fit has, but I've never been more insecure about my body in my life.

It used to be that even the most fitted shirt on me was tight in the arms and shoulders and giant in the torso, and now I'm purposely picking baggy shirts and/or high waisted jeans to try and hide the little bit of a tummy I now have. I used to be super proud of the stretch marks on my thighs because they were from how much my muscles grew, but seeing them on sagging flab rather than tight muscle makes me shy away from wearing swimsuits without shorts or a skirt overtop.

And I hate it.

Not in a body shaming way, cause dang can you look good with any body shape/size if you carry yourself with pride and know how to dress for your body, but in that I don't feel like ME anymore with my new figure.

And I know I physically can't be exercising the same way or amounts anymore, and that's why my body composition has drastically changed, but that almost makes it worse because I can't do anything to fix it. I'm vibrating with energy I need to burn, but I can't. I'm starving for the endorphins and dopamine rush of a good workout, but I can't. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin and desperately want to fix it and know exactly how to, but I can't. I need to be able to move - fast and constantly - for both my mental and physical health, but I can't. And it is so freaking painful that I can't.

[substantial-gains]

"Oh dear. So helpless, aren't you? I'll take care of it..."

Seeing how Valerie struggled with... herself, Tamanami barged into into the room and quickly negotiated through the trash and scattered stuff to grab a few bags, putting as many of the goth's dirty clothes as she could fit in them.

"We'll do laundry at my house. You will also take a bath. I'll do your hair again too, it's such a waste to let it be ruined by filth."

And once done, she ushered the already-exhausted fatty outside, slapping at her butt a little to get her to move.

"Quick. Taxi won't wait forever."

It's absolutely incomprehensible to Valerie how this relationship even came into fruition. She thought she had been fine on her own, the goth wasn't drowning in debt and made good money streaming, but was she truly this helpless when it came to simple tasks?

"Even a dang taxi..."

Every little smack the li'l lady made the beefy woman prod along like cow being led by a farm hand. Wheezing at this point, the ravenette squeezed herself into the yellow automobile as best she could without getting stuck in the doorway.

A bath, doing laundry, washing hair...isn't this something only people that were intimate with each other do together in a house?! She had done it once before with her benefactor, but that had been back at her shitty apartment months ago, and when she was in an emotionally rough spot.

Val couldn't ask if all this doting was because Tama liked liked her. Not here. Not in a Taxi. She would actually cry if she answered either way.

That however wouldn't stop the streamer from trying to tease out a confession in her own crude way while on the move, waiting until a destination was requested and the petite girl finally sat next to her-

"So... is this your way of making me your bitch? If so, you're doing a real shitty job. You haven't asked me for any of the normal "favors" I give out to the customers I meet up with irl. You're wasting your time and money on me like most of my other dumbass fans, but ya ain't getting shit outta pampering me. Something tells me you want more though. C'mon, spill it~"

Now it's Valerie's turn to get a li'l rough. Tamanami was trapped in the backseat with 6'2" woman who was over four times her weight and sweaty as hell. Leaning against the silver haired lady, the goth pulled her in a tight headlock with a flab encased right arm, pushing her head against the largest set of tits Tama would probably ever experience in her life. She wasn't going to suffocate... but it was clear to see she couldn't easily escape this prison of boob sweat anytime soon unless she caved in or dolled out a fitting punishment.

[alastorous-disastorous-archived]

“You’re really close...”

@a-hazbin-spider ?

"er...y-yes-- so it would seem--"

Dang flab it there went his wardrobe issues again. What is it with him always winding up locked in his own closet with the people he fancies!? Is he just cursed to awkward fate?

He's not blushing...you are!

[vecnasbro]

Well this is just to say hi, I ain't putting any hashtags so no one sees this just wanted to type something, wait I said I just wanted to say hi, what's wrong with me dang flab it

[sweetness-doesnt-touch-my-face]

Despite exchanging messages with Baldy a couple times and having Mike Inez read my FB messages...

Tagging band members on Instagram to my poems is actually terrifying.

[selen0graphy-blog]

I want to see the bloopers for the “AJ STYLES’ TREASURE CHEST of PHENOMENAL PIXELATED GLORY! - Retro Styles #1″ video. You can see the intro he did in his car is edited like they had to put various pieces together, that means he botched various times and I want to see those bloopers. The outtakes of the video should be called “Phenomenal bloopers”.

[omnipointmuses]

“Dude this is like the fifth burger you’ve bought me today since I told you I was gonna go explore that super dangerous dungeon- oh, I see, you wanna make me so bloated that I can’t go on adventures huh?~ Well bring it on I can take your food and go on adventures!-”

Hours later

“Hooooooouuuurrrrp!~ O-okay, guess I’m not going out to that dungeon huh? dang.” Vari belched out before patting her domed, inky-furred gut, filled to the brim and sloshing with greasy food that caused her belly to groan and gurgle loudly as it worked to process down the fast food buffet as it hung low and rested on her thighs and obscured much of her upper torso. “This ain’t gonna work every time you know, I’m gonna get at that dungeon one of these days-”

Months later

“Hey babe, thinking about going to that dungeon again~” Vari purred as she wrapped her pudgy arms around your shoulders from behind before lightly pressing the back of your head against her wide gut, a mass of fluff and flab gained by months of heavy feeding sessions, strange concoctions, and the occasional unlucky individual coaxing her into wearing a hoodie and sweatpants near constantly to cover her expanding bulk and assets though now at this moment she was bare and wearing nothing but a strained bra and a pair of stretched panties that were mostly swallowed up by the deep crack of her fat ass while she rested her chin on top of your head allowing you to feel her throat rumble softly as she purred. “Better get a spread out before I wobble my fat ass over into it~”

[capten-of-the-ss-robinwest]

I SWAIR TO GOD ONE MORE SMALL INCONVENIENCE IN MY LIFE AND IM GOING TO HAVE TO WATCH LOST I SPACE FOR THE 10TH TIME.

DANG FLAB IT......

*puts self in scenarios*

[high-class-hogs]

Dang, that post I made about my girls been useless piles of gluttonous and weak flab just blew up! Guess I need to make my girls weaker, sweatier, and fatter as a result! Hehehe, there is no hope for them now, any kind of muscle they gain will be turned to useless lard to weigh them down!

[simplydm]

Grian: omg help we need a doctor I was making a trap for the moon and Mumbo fell into it and now he’s bleeding profusely ://

Doc, appearing out of thin air: hey;) I’m docm77 babey whatcha need

Grian: omggggg doc quick save this man:(( he’s bleeding out:/

Doc: oh dang flab it you need a doctor bro

Grian: but you’re a doctor? It’s in your name?

Doc: The only doctor I am is doctor of swag and hot redstone byeee

Mumbo fucking bleeds out

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

You know, it’s been a while since I’ve done a rambling post while watching a show.  Let’s change that.  Oh yeah, it’s Mario time!

Alrighty, the live action segment this time is “The Marios Fight Back”.  It appears to be about some reporter (David Horowitz) investigating their claim to be able to undo any clog within 3 minutes.  Which normally speaking is a ludicrously obvious ad, but this is TV Land so it’s probably an actual reporter doing “investigative journalism” on an incredibly slow day.  But then while showboating with over the shoulder tosses Mario accidentally… knocks out the reporter.  During a world wide broadcast.  So that’s a shenanigan right there.  Some might call it a wacky one, but I’m a bit hesitant to use that designation.  After the animated segment Luigi points out that not only is the reporter out cold, but they haven’t unclogged the sink. Mario in desperation tries sprinkling plant food in there as it looks kinda similar to their drain cleaner, and the two heads out for lunch.  And after they leave the reporter wakes up… right as an abomination begins to rise from the sink.  Dang it, I got enough sink emergent abominations from Parasite Eve!  The reporter is of the opinion that he should be getting hazardous duty pay for this.  Look buddy, if I don’t get it for having to deal with a conga-line of Karens all day during a pandemic you don’t get it for a hairy sink clog monster. But hey, technically speaking the sink’s no longer clogged now.  And… the episode ends before that’s actually resolved.  Monster menacing everybody.  Well, guess that’s it.  Mario Bros. are gonna die.

 The cartoon is “The Fire of Hercufleas”.  Though really that should probably read Herafleas.  Anyway, the titular legendary hero is apparently an old friend of Toad’s (I’d love to hear of Toad’s adventuring career before the Marios came along some day), and he wants to ask the guy to help them take down Koopa, as well, it’d be kinda easy for him.  But ol’ Herc has let himself go with eating habits almost as atrocious as Mario’s. Herc explains he’s got a steady job now as the guardian of the Great Balls of Fire.  Which really lends credence to all of the jokes about heroes being murder hobos, if you stop doing it once you can find steady employment. Also, I think I vaguely recall from my childhood that the show once used “Great Balls of Fire” as a musical number, so if I’m recalling correctly it’ll probably be this one.  Huh, now there’s an odd moment.  While King Koopa is berating his minions and planning the theft of the Fire he refers to the Marios as “sewer simps”.  And here I thought that was new slang.  But anyway, some Flyguys manage to steal the Fire for Koopa, with one staying behind to both defeat and humiliate Herc so as to illustrate what a diet high in donuts does to a retired hero.  I sense a training montage sometime in the future.  Yup, there it is after the Marios’ failed attempt at Fire retrieval.  Kinda odd that Mario would be acting as a coach to get somebody back into shape given his own figure though.  Well, I guess you could argue he has plenty of muscle underneath the flab.  You don’t need to be a showy bodybuilder to be strong. Kinda weird how getting buff again gave Herc a deep reverb voice though.  Also really weird how apparently Mario’s grandma made garlic chip cookies.  Just… ew. I don’t think even Cookie Monster would be able to stomach something like that.  Anyway, the big fight scene happens after that.  Kinda lackluster to be honest, but it is interesting to see Toad grab a fire flower for once and start chucking fire himself.  Now I’m just waiting to see them give one to Princess Toadstool.  Anyway, Koopa ends up expending the Fire in his literal fire fight with Toad, and so runs rather than try to take on both Toad and Herc.  Huh, no musical number during that.  Guess I remembered wrong.  (POST EPISDOE ADDITION: Actually looking it up it seems like the musical numbers were removed due to copyright and licensing.  Dang.  I guess this means no Secret Agent Man later on either?  Though this explains at least some of the lackluster music… it’s not what’s supposed to be there at all.)  Anyway, Herc’s down about failing to protect the Fire leading to it being used up, but Toad just empties his Fire Flower power into the pot and it reignites. Which… leads me to question just how Great those Balls of Fire could have been if a Fire Flower was just as good. Well regardless, Toad got to be the hero of the day and gets a statue next to Hercufleas’.

 Overall the episode wasn’t bad, though there was a few odd decisions in this one.  Like having the monster situation in the live action segment still ongoing at the end.  Or Toad being the main cast member focused on and hero during the animated segment.  On the other hand those aren’t necessarily downsides, and it’s nice to mix things up every so often.

 Moral of the day:

When in doubt, pose.

[sunflowerloa-blog]

Wedding vibes

Seriously feeling left out not being invited to any weddings, haha! but thats okay :)) ^-^ Quality over quantity. Real friendships are based on love, mutual interests, and joy over service to others. Genuine friends are hard to find, I guess thats why I have less friends. I know who to invite to my wedding. My pizza hahaha nah but for real, were getting married. jokes. Ah, I have nobody. Well im still happy. Im still fresh out of a relationship so not expecting anything, just a husband. 

OKAY SO. I AM FEELING WEDDING VIBES. LIKE, THIS IS THE DAY TO GET MARRIED. WHILE I SIT MY FAT LAZY ASS HERE WATCHING THE COMPUTER THERE ARE PEOPLE GETTING TO KNOW EACHOTHER. LIKE DAANNNGGG,- WHERE HAVE I BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE,IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR ME FOR AGES. FOUND YOU. YAY!! I GUESS as long as I got me, then thats all I need. 

STUFF IT. I MARRYING MYSELF. 4 REAL. IM THE BEST IVE EVER BEEN. LOVING MY FLABS IS GREAT. Not anxious or worried just calm. DANG, I BE SO FINE. 

My ghetto sentences sound hella try hard. like seriously. I need a life.

Nah I just try too hard

anyways, while everyones is either getting married, getting to know each other, working or studying, or making babies, im here, in rehab. chilling, laxing. 

but thats cool :)) 

[calvin-af-crone]

I feel personally attached. He defiantly has those muscular arms.

You probably meant “attacked” but “attached” works even better. <snicker> 

I don’t see a hint of flab on him anywhere. I bet if he did some sit-ups, his abdominal muscles would pump up into a six-pack. Good grief, I wanna lay my face on his fuzzy chest. 

I wonder what changed his mind about shirtless photos. Was it Diplo being in that celeb-filled Calvin Klein commercial? Or was it Steve Aoki taking his shirt off for every dang show? Whatever, if he goes shirtless at Wet Republic, they better be prepared w/ stretchers for all the fainting fans.