#day nine: merry christmas darling

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 13

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, mentions of marijuana and descriptions of its usage, descriptions of anaphylactic shock, brief mention of needles, descriptions of anxiety, mentions of death, descriptions of jealousy, mentions of breakups, several flashback scenes, mentions of LSD and its usage, descriptions of acid tripping, ellie's POV, minors do not interact

word count: 9k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

songs featured in this chapter (including a surprise audio AND drawing commission in the middle of the fic):

the aaron taylor song “i think i love you again”

the carpenters song “merry christmas darling”

palestine will be free

“Where the fuck even are you?” 

“Not home.” 

“Well, no shit. I’m literally sitting on your living room couch, dumbass.” 

“Get out of my apartment, weirdo.” 

“Stop procrastinating, asshole.” 

Ellie rolls her eyes as a couple of bright yellow leaves slowly dance down on the pavement from the nearby trees on her path home. One hand holds her phone up in front of her with Dina’s face front and center on the screen through FaceTime. 

Having just dropped off a rather large order to a couple of stoner sophomores living on campus, Ellie’d decided to take the longer, more scenic route home instead of the usual way she’d go every day. She had a “date” lined up with Daniela in about an hour or so, a meeting she wasn’t particularly looking forward to being present for. Having no real enthusiasm to actually be on time to meet up with her, Ellie was purposely and leisurely delaying her return home to get ready. 

Dina, busy lounging on the couch in Jesse and Ellie’s living room, busies herself by finishing a bland, microwaveable box of mac and cheese she’d found shoved in the back of the duo’s full freezer. She was casually killing time talking to Ellie through video chat while she waited for Jesse to finish getting ready for their movie date night. 

Jesse enjoyed dragging Dina along to a movie theater in the neighbouring downtown area that showed old and foreign films. Back home in Jackson throughout their childhood, he and Ellie would make Dina sit through old sci-fi pictures, cult horror films, martial arts movies in a completely different language and with no subtitles. Dina would sit in the middle of the two in complete boredom as she listened to them psychoanalyzing background characters who had two lines and spending hours explaining their personal interpretations of a single camera angle in some inconsequential scene. 

When they all began attending university, Jesse was over the moon upon discovering the nearby theater and the kind of films they would show. Dina complained every single time, but she secretly enjoyed these date nights regardless, always arguing with Jesse on the way home with her own analyses of the movie they’d just seen. She was a little less enthusiastic this time, however, upon hearing that the film they were about to go see was an early 2000s Bollywood movie that had a running time of nearly four hours. 

Jesse had just gotten home from working out at the gym and was busy showering, and Dina decided to preoccupy herself in the meantime by thoroughly berating Ellie for her disinterest and voluntary tardiness for her “date” later that evening. 

“El, I really don’t understand why you’re even bothering with her,” Dina says after a huge, wet slurp of her mac and cheese. “Leave that poor freshman girl alone. You really don’t even seem to like her that much.” 

“She’s still got Joel’s jacket and I want it back.” Ellie shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Maybe if you didn’t pass that shabby old thing around to every new girl you see for a month…” Dina replies, not bothering to mutter under her breath. 

“Oh, leave me the fuck alone, Woodward,” Ellie says, chuckling. “Slutshamer.” 

Jesse jaunts into the living room, jet black hair damp from the shower and fully dressed, and spots Ellie’s face on Dina’s tiny screen. He waltzes towards the couch and, without any warning, stealthily snatches Dina’s phone right out of her hand. 

“Hey!” Dina protests indignantly, trying to reach for it back. 

Jesse ignores her as Ellie laughs. 

“Yo, what the fuck, Williams.” Jesse scolds the auburn-haired girl. 

“Wassup, Chang.” 

“What the hell did you ditch me and the gym for earlier? Today’s our cardio day.” 

“Had a huge delivery I needed to make,” Ellie shrugs. “Wanted two 40 bags on top of a few lavender pre-rolls. And they lived on the opposite side of campus.” 

“A likely excuse,” Jesse scoffs. “I think you’ve been harbouring a secret, years-long grudge against me and actually hate me for some reason.” 

“Oh, it’s not a secret. I do hate you.” 

“Dickhead.” Jesse chuckles as Dina heartily laughs behind him with a mouthful of mac and cheese. 

Before Jesse can continue to berate his best friend, his own phone rings noisily from the inside of one of his jeans pockets. 

“Oh, look. Someone who actually loves and appreciates me.” He says indignantly, handing small-scale Ellie back to Dina. 

Ellie playfully rolls her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Jesse’s phone is currently buzzing and blaring with the personalized ringtone he’d set for your contact years ago shortly after you’d all met for the first time. 

Dina, recognizing the familiar sound as well and noticing Ellie’s tight lips and rigid expression, quickly attempts to change the subject. 

“So where exactly are you gonna be meeting up with the Daniela girl?” Dina quickly asks Ellie at the same time that Jesse booms, “Good evening once again to my absolute favourite person in the whole world!” 

Ellie hesitantly begins to reply to Dina but cuts off almost immediately when she hears Jesse’s tone turn serious and mutter a name she’d come to despise. 

“Oh. Hey, Anderson. What’s up?” Jesse says blankly. “Where’s—” 

“Oh, shit.” Dina inadvertently murmurs as Ellie’s face immediately goes red with fury. 

“Why the fuck is Anderson calling Jesse on her phone?” Ellie demands quietly of Dina. 

“I mean… she is on a date with her tonight…” Dina reluctantly admits, knowing that lying to Ellie about your current whereabouts is pointless after figuring Jesse would eventually blab it to her anyway. 

“Are you fucking serious?” Ellie seethes. 

“I don’t really know why she’d be calling Jesse, though. That doesn’t make any sense...” Dina says, setting down her fork and turning her head back towards her boyfriend as Ellie watches intently him from the corner of Dina’s phone screen. 

Both girls stare Jesse down as he intently listens to the other end of the line, the two getting more and more nervous as his face gets stonier as each second passes. When he finally speaks, his voice is grave and urgent. 

“Is she breathing?” 

“What?” Both Dina and Ellie simultaneously say in distress, which Jesse ignores. 

“What did she eat?” He asks Abby. 

“What’s going on?” Dina implores of him fearfully, sitting up straighter in her seat and completely abandoning her partially eaten mac and cheese on the coffee table. 

Jesse holds up a pointer finger as an indication that he needs to keep listening as Ellie hushes her sternly, fiercely trying to eavesdrop on Jesse’s conversation. 

“Okay. What did you eat?” Jesse questions. 

The way Jesse’s face falls elicits a sharply drawn breath from Dina and drains all the colour from Ellie’s face. 

“Did she have any?” He asks. 

While Jesse listens for Abby’s lengthy response, Ellie quickly averts her eyes back to Dina. 

“Dina.” She says hastily. “Where did Anderson take her tonight?” 

“Orchards. It’s that fancy restaurant that’s like, right by here.” 

“I know. They serve a lot of seafood there, right?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you think Anderson ordered any?” 

“El, how am I supposed to know that?” 

“Well, does Anderson know that she’s deadly fucking allergic to shellfish? That she can’t even fucking touch that shit?” 

Dina’s terrified face suddenly goes completely pale before she responds. 

“I-I don’t know...” 

“Does she have any pockets or some kind of bag with her?” They hear Jesse say. “See if she has her EpiPen in there.” 

“E-El… I don’t think she does.” Dina stammers.” I helped her get dressed tonight and I saw her before she left, and I-I don’t think—” 

Ellie nearly drops her phone on the pavement from how clammy her hands have become from complete fear. When she hears Jesse fiercely mutter a furious “fuck,” she immediately breaks into a sprint. 

“Dina!” Ellie demands. “Give me back to Jesse! Now!” Dina hastily hands her phone to her petrified boyfriend without question as he quickly asks Abby to stay calm and give him a quick second. 

“Jess!” Ellie breathlessly yells, not bothering to keep her voice down and without any concern for the fellow students she was alarming as she ran by. “Go to my room right now and search in the bottom drawer of my desk!!!” 

Promptly and silently, Jesse darts in the direction of Ellie’s bedroom with Dina following closely behind him. 

“There’s an old EpiPen of hers somewhere in there! I think it’s probably a couple of months expired now, but grab it anyway!” 

Jesse and Dina unceremoniously bust into Ellie’s bedroom and follow her instructions precisely. After forcibly yanking open the bottom-most drawer of her computer desk, they begin to desperately rifle through it. After a few seconds of frantic ransacking through its miscellaneous contents, Jesse pulls out a thick, plastic cylindrical object with tiny lettering embellished all over the translucent plastic. 

“Look for the little slot on the side of it that shows you some liquid-y shit inside!” Ellie presses him. “Is it still completely clear and clean, or is it all brown and murky?” 

“It’s clear.” Jesse replies after quickly inspecting the EpiPen. 

“Okay, go!” Ellie orders. “Dina’s gonna call 911 right now! Orchards is right around the corner from our place, so run! Inject the needle on the outside of her thigh! And check her pulse and see if she’s breathing, ‘cause you’ll need to do CPR if she isn’t! Paramedics probably won’t get there for another five minutes or so, so you just gotta keep doing chest compressions until they can get there!” 

Jesse nods and immediately sprints out of the room after handing Dina her phone, placing his own back to his ear and quickly informing Abby that he’d be there shortly, firmly asking her to check your pulse. 

Dina sets her eyes on Ellie, pure terror engraved on her face. 

“Ellie, s-shouldn’t we grab the EpiPen she has now in her apartment? I think I know where it is, probably. Isn’t that safer than—”

“Her apartment is fifteen minutes away from that restaurant and Jesse can get there in two! We can’t waste any more time!” Ellie clarifies quickly. “Now, I need you to hang up right away and call 911 and explain everything that’s just happened! Go!” 

Ellie doesn’t bother waiting for Dina to end the call and roughly taps on the red button herself. 

She shoves her phone into the pocket of her hoodie and quickens her pace. 

Her lungs winded and her heart threatening to beat out of her chest, she couldn't seem to care any less about her own breathing at that very moment. She trusts nothing else but her own feet to get her exactly where she desperately needs to be. She sees nothing and no one else but the pavement directly in front of her, cutting across the university’s campus through the fastest route she can think of in the moment. 

Despite never having been a religious person in any way, Ellie begins to plead a desperate prayer in her mind to whatever god or deity that could possibly exist that you were still breathing somehow and that Jesse had found you and gotten there in time. 

She takes a moment to pull her phone out and check how long it’s been since she ended the FaceTime call with Dina, seeing that a little less than five minutes had just passed. She considers calling her once more for any updates; but not wanting to risk being a possible distraction in case Dina is needed in the moment, she ultimately decides against doing so and instead wills her feet to move faster. 

Unwelcome thoughts begin to involuntarily flood Ellie’s mind as she sprints. 

She thinks of the last time you’d seen each other: that night of your heart-to-heart dinner with Jesse at Sterling’s. It felt almost fated for her and Dina to walk into the same restaurant at the same time that the two of you had been meeting. Ellie recalls the identical look of dismay on both of your faces, equally overwhelmed at the sight of one another. She can still feel the angry yet doleful tears that fell down her red cheeks as she stormed away from the diner, threatening to expose endless repressed feelings of remorse and heartache. 

She remembers the day she saw your sudden reunion with Abby Anderson, you dressed in that beautiful floral sundress and very obviously flirting with the tall, muscular blonde. Her nails were so angrily digging into her palms at the sight of you two that she can still feel the phantom marks that had nearly drawn blood. She’d nearly frightened Dina, who was lounging on the living room couch with a joint in hand, when she busted into her and Jesse’s apartment with immediate choice words that were aroused by her unbridled anger. 

She recalls the last time you’d actually spoken to one other directly after that miserable, unfortunate night of the Sigma Eta party, how taken aback she was at how you were still so undeniably beautiful underneath the pale moonlight. Having been sitting on the hood of her Jeep while she watched in amusement at your futile attempts to keep yourself warm, she thinks of the way your eyes were furiously and desperately trying to avoid her piercing ocean green gaze. The memory of the angry, fleeting look you’d given Daniela when you’d obviously noticed Joel’s old motorcycle jacket resting on her shoulders is one she can never forget; nor could she the air of raw, bitter indignation that radiated off you at the sight of one of your signature lavender joints nestled in between Daniela’s lips. 

She can still feel the visceral rage that sparked inside her from Frat Guy Adam’s casual cruelty towards you, followed by feelings of heartbreak at watching the way your face had fallen at his words. The sheer remorse from pathetically having done nothing right when it happened still weighs on her. Ellie can never forget the simultaneous feelings of shame and comfort she’d felt after your heated encounter with her in the bathroom of Sterling’s: shame from being forcibly confronted with a reminder of the deepest regret of her whole life; and comfort at finally being able to see with her own ocean green eyes, after so long, the face of a person she once adored more than she did anyone else in the world. 

Maybe even still. 

Ellie eventually finds herself at the intersection right where her shared apartment with Jesse is located. Her hasty pursuit is frustratingly impeded when she’s stopped by the angry, glowing red hand at the crosswalk she needs to get past to reach Orchards, cars endlessly coming one after the other. For a few moments, she’s at least able to catch a much-needed, painful breath.

While she bounces up and down on her feet in impatience, very seriously contemplating running across anyway and risking being hit by a speeding car, Ellie thinks of one thing and one thing only: the first moment her eyes met yours all those years ago. The moment when she knew, deep down and instinctively, that everything had changed. 

She’s brutally broken out of her brief reverie by the blaring of sirens booming from around the corner. Her head immediately shoots towards the sound and she watches as two ambulances with flashing red and white lights speed down the road and towards what she believes is the direction of the nearest emergency room. 

Ellie wastes no time bolting down the crosswalk the millisecond that the orange pedestrian signal finally blinks to white, sprinting down the street of Orchards. She’s somehow able to spot Dina’s figure in the middle of a small crowd of people gathered next to the restaurant and immediately sprints towards her. By the time Ellie is able to reach her, most of the unfamiliar bystanders have dispersed with whispers. Her heart races as she sees Dina’s cheeks wet and dripping endlessly with tears. 

“Dina!” Ellie huffs, using the last of her breath and energy to dash to her side. 

“Ellie!” Dina sighs in relief upon spotting her friend. 

They envelop each other in a tight embrace, Dina hiccuping slightly into Ellie’s shoulder. 

“What happened? Did you guys make it in time? Is she okay? Where is she? Where’s Jesse?” Ellie rambles. 

“Sh-she’s okay, I think,” Dina stammers. “She was breathing when Jesse got here, but her pulse was really slow. The paramedics got here a few minutes after Jesse did.” 

She sloppily wipes her eyes with the back of her hands before continuing. 

“They said that the EpiPen probably saved her life, said that she would have had a lot less of a chance if we had just waited for them to arrive. Expired EpiPen was apparently better than nothing, as long as it wasn’t too far off from when it did expire.” 

Ellie takes a relieved breath in at hearing this. 

“Thank god. Thank fucking god. That’s what I thought, but I-I honestly wasn’t sure. I couldn’t remember clearly in the moment.” 

“How did you even know that?” Dina asks her in genuine curiosity. 

“I-I… wh-when we were, you know, t-together…” Ellie mutters awkwardly. “I made sure to know, j-just in case.” 

“Oh, Ellie…” 

Ellie wrings her hands together and clears her throat in embarrassment. 

“So where’s Jess? Where’s Anderson?” She asks, changing the subject and voice dripping in disdain at the last word. 

“Jesse rode in the ambulance with her and the paramedics, and Abby said that she’d follow behind in her car,” Dina replies. “I stayed behind ‘cause I figured you were on your way and I wanted to be able to tell you what happened in person.” 

“Thank you, D, seriously.” 

Dina stares at Ellie earnestly for a moment. 

“You really do still love her.” Dina says, not as a question but as a statement. 

Ellie doesn’t respond to this remark, her lips tight and her ocean green eyes unreadable. 

“Come on. Let’s go see her.” 

You had been brought to St. Peter’s Hospital, the closest one located to your university. When Ellie and Dina had gotten there, they found Jesse sitting alone in the mostly empty waiting room. He was staring up at the dreary off-white ceiling, his left leg nervously bouncing up and down as one of his hands gripped his right knee. When he spots the two girls enter the room, he immediately jumps out of his seat to meet them. He pulls his girlfriend into a tight embrace and gives her a tender kiss on the forehead, and then he places a firm and reassuring hand on his best friend’s shoulder. 

“How is she?” Ellie asks nervously. 

“Unconcious still, but she’s alive,” Jesse replies somberly. “The paramedics in the ambulance told me that they were pumping her full of adrenaline; and so now, they’re either still doing that or they’re just trying to get her heart rate back to normal. Apparently, her tongue was so swollen and her throat closed up completely, so they’ve got to reopen her airways ‘cause she’s having a hard time breathing.” 

“Oh, god…” Dina chokes out. 

“Don’t worry, D.” Jesse consoles. “She’s gonna be fine. She’s strong, and we know that. They’re taking care of her, and she’ll hopefully be awake soon.” 

“I know, I know…” Dina sniffles. “It’s really not like me to fall apart like this. But she’s like a sister to me, you know. I mean, she basically is.” 

“Me too, babe. Don’t worry. We all love her too. No need to explain.” Jesse says. 

Dina gives him a soft smile as he gives her another tender forehead kiss. Watching such a small but affectionate scene between the two makes Ellie feel as if she’s intruding on a private moment she shouldn’t be witnessing. Jealousy in the form of a knife in the stomach twists inside her while her heart aches to feel that kind of intimacy. 

“Oh, shit, I should call her uncle,” Dina suddenly realizes, pulling away from Jesse slightly. “I think I still have his number from freshman year. He should know what’s going on.” 

“Good idea.” Jesse agrees. “He’s one of her emergency contacts, but I’m not sure if he knows just yet.” 

“I’ll call the girls too,” She continues, referring to the other girls who lived in the Wilson Valley building with you and Dina during your freshman year. “I know that they’ll also want to know.” 

She pulls her phone out of her pocket before muttering a quick “be right back” and exiting the waiting room. 

Jesse and Ellie watch her walk out silently. After a moment or two, Jesse speaks up. 

“Are you okay, El?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Come on, man. Don’t do that. You know what I mean.” 

“I’m fine, Jess.” 

“Dude.” 

“What?” 

Jesse turns his whole body to face Ellie straight on, crossing his arms against his chest and frowning. 

“You’re completely red in the face, you look the most stressed out than I’ve ever seen you, and you’re here.” 

“So?” Ellie replies stubbornly. 

“Williams.” Jesse stresses sternly. “You know Dina and I saw everything you had in that desk drawer.” 

Ellie says nothing in reply and Jesse continues. 

“You literally still had her old EpiPen from like, two years ago. That entire drawer was full of her shit.” 

Ellie clenches her jaw and balls up her fists. 

“You still have all those old letters she used to write you all the time, all these mementos and knickknacks from when you two were together. You even have Barbie Bear.” Jesse points out. “Do you know that she’s been chewing Dina out nonstop about her for years because she thinks Dina stole her?” 

“Look, she and I just stopped talking to each other all of a sudden before sophomore year. I never had an actual chance to give her all of her shit back—” 

“You literally could have given them to me or Dina or even any of the Wilson girls so we could return them.” 

“Look—” 

“And what about the rest of it? Shit that you didn’t have to actually give back to her? It’s been years. You could have easily thrown it all out.” 

“You don’t understa—” 

“You didn’t even bother leaving all that shit back home in Jackson. You brought it all here with you to keep in our apartment.” 

“I… I—” 

“She could have fucking died tonight, El. And you’re still bullshitting me.” 

“Jesse.” Ellie croaks out through quivering lips and watery eyes. 

“You saved her life. She could have very well been in a worse state right now if it weren’t for you. You told me and Dina what to do. Nobody told you to do any of that. And by the sorry state of you, it looks like you just ran three marathons in a row just to get here and make sure she was okay in person.” 

Tears threaten to flow down from Ellie’s ocean green eyes, and it takes every ounce of strength that she has left in her to will them not to fall. 

“She means so, so much to me and Dina. And to a whole bunch of other people too. When she gets hurt, we feel that shit too.” Jesse says. “I need you to get your motherfucking shit together, Williams. Now.” 

Before Ellie can even form some kind of thought in response to his declaration, Dina suddenly reenters the waiting room. 

“Called her uncle and told him everything I know. He’s currently looking up the first flight out and he’ll hopefully be here sometime tomorrow.” Dina informs the pair as she walks over. “Just got off the phone with Astrid too. Most of the girls are either busy or asleep by now, but she said she’ll let them know too as soon as possible. If she’s awake tomorrow, they’ll try to come by to pay her a visit.” 

“Okay, good.” Jesse nods in response. “Thanks for doing that, D. I was so focused on what’s been going on, and none of that even crossed my mind.” 

“They deserved to know.” Dina smiles sadly before suddenly frowning. “But why did she even go into anaphylactic shock in the first place? They both asked me, but I realized that you never actually told either of us and I didn’t really know what to tell them.” 

“She and Anderson were making out, and Anderson had eaten some seafood bouillabaisse for dinner. Apparently, it had a bunch of chopped-up shrimp in it that she couldn’t see.” Jesse says plainly. 

Dina inadvertently glances at Ellie in slight sympathy, but Jesse looks at her with zero remorse on his face. 

“She didn’t tell Abby that she was really allergic?” Dina asks. 

“Anderson apparently had no idea, said that she wouldn’t have ordered it if she knew in the first place.” Jesse clarified. 

“Anderson should have fucking double-checked re-fucking-gardless.” Ellie angrily interjects. 

“It’s not Abby’s fault, Ellie. There’s no way she could have just known instinctively.” Dina reasons. 

“Doesn’t matter. Isn’t she studying to be a fucking doctor? Isn’t that some basic shit that they teach at med school or whatever? She should have known better.” Ellie seethes. “Where the fuck is she, anyway? I thought she came along.” 

“She went down to the food court for a breather.” Jesse says. 

“Oh, she needs a breather?” Ellie sneers. “Yeah, go ahead and catch your breath when the person you almost killed tonight can’t even fucking breathe—” 

“Ellie!” Dina scolds. 

“Whatever.” Ellie scoffs. 

“El,” Dina suddenly brings up. “Have you talked to Daniela yet?” 

“What about her?” Ellie asks. 

“Weren’t you supposed to meet up with her…” Dina checks the time on her phone. “... almost an hour ago?” 

“So?” 

“Ellie.” 

Ellie clicks her tongue. 

“Fine, let me text her right now that I won’t make it—” She begins to say begrudgingly, but she cuts herself off as someone else enters the waiting room. 

Abby Anderson quietly walks through the door, sipping a plain black coffee from a styrofoam cup. She looks up from her drink and gives Jesse an awkward but polite smile which he respectfully returns along with a nod. 

Ellie’s entire body goes cold with frigid, icy hatred, exacerbated when her furious ocean green eyes suddenly meet with Abby Anderson’s tired sky blue ones. 

“Actually,” Ellie suddenly says. “I’m gonna give her a call and see if she’s still free to meet up tonight. I still want my jacket back.” 

Both Dina and Jesse look as if they’re each about to interject with a response, but Ellie is too quick for either of them to say a word. 

Ellie storms out of the waiting room, not giving a second look at Abby Anderson. 

Ellie throws Joel’s old leather jacket onto her bed, sighing softly. She sheds her sweaty grey hoodie and throws it down next to the jacket before pulling her phone out. She proceeds to call Jesse, but she’s greeted with ten, empty-sounding buzzes before being redirected to his voicemail. She then attempts to call Dina but is greeted with an immediate automated message stating that the call could not be completed. 

Groaning in exasperation, Ellie collapses into her desk chair and roughly kicks off her Converse. After a moment or two, she notices the bottom-most drawer of her desk and the way it’s hanging off the frame precariously. Sighing, she crouches down on the floor and begins to rearrange its previous contents. 

At first, she shoves items back into the drawer at random, but she immediately pauses once her hand grazes across the fur of a pink stuffed animal. 

Barbie Bear. 

She picks up the stuffed animal and stares sadly into its plastic eyes. Noticing that the light pink ribbon around its neck has gotten loose, Ellie delicately attempts to retie it back into a bow. After a couple of lopsided tries, she’s eventually satisfied once she’s able to center the ribbon correctly. She carefully places Barbie Bear back into the drawer before returning to restore its contents with more consideration. 

After replacing a few pairs of old earrings of yours into a small box, she picks up a stack of old letters that she’d tied together with a piece of brown twine. Ellie resists the urge to go through each of them, but when she notices that one had fallen out of the stack and is now lying on the floor, her willpower dwindles almost instantly. 

Ellie picks up the envelope gingerly, almost as if she’s afraid that her touch will cause it to burst into flames. She reads her name on the front written with green ink and flips it over to where the flap of the envelope is torn open. She runs her fingers over the wax seal that had secured the letter inside: the design of Saturn amongst several stars. Nervously, she slips the card out from inside and unfolds it to reveal your handwriting. 

Dear Ellie, 

It is currently 4:27 A.M. and I can’t sleep, and for some reason, I can’t stop watching that story you posted on Instagram earlier over and over. The one of you singing and playing your electric guitar to that Aaron Taylor song. Not to be gay as fuck, but it is so easy to get lost in the sound of your voice. Also, I really like your lips. And your hands. 

I know I said this yesterday already, but you’ve been overworking yourself way too much lately. I’m glad that you’ve been putting a lot of effort into your schoolwork, but have you eaten? When was the last time you had a full meal (microwaveable ramen does not count)? Have you been taking any time for yourself? It’s really sweet that you still make time to come hang out with me most days, but you need some you time too, you know. 

Not that I don’t love seeing your goofy face all the time. I don’t know, I think me writing all that out is me casually acknowledging that I have attachment issues and attempting to work on it. Oh, well. I’m pretty attached to you, fucking dork. 

Okay, heading to bed now. Hopefully, I’ll actually be able to fall asleep this time. But hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow (I know I just said that you need to take more time for yourself, but shut up). You’re always the best part of my day. 

Ellie can’t seem to let herself read the final piece of the letter, the part where you’d signed your name. 

She delicately folds the card once more and places it back into its envelope. Turning it over in her hand and tenderly running her fingers over where you’d addressed her name, she wonders if your handwriting is still the same as it was all those years ago. 

Reluctantly, Ellie tucks the letter back into the stack before tying them all securely together once more. 

Earlier That Evening 

Ellie was fifty-two minutes late to her supposed “date” with Daniela. This was Ellie’s third failed attempt at reacquiring Joel’s old motorcycle jacket, and they had previously decided to meet up outside the coffee shop on campus where Daniela recently started working after the end of her shift. 

But after Ellie’s unexplained absence from their meeting, Daniela bitterly stormed back home to her dorm. She had half a mind to say no when Ellie called her with a half-assed explanation and asked if she could come over to retrieve her jacket. But after giving in, Ellie arrived at her dorm room within half an hour. 

It wasn’t a total shock to Ellie when she was greeted with a look of annoyance when Daniela opened the door for her. Ellie attempted to feign a guilty expression, but all that she could muster was an indifferent grimace. Daniela said nothing as she silently beckoned Ellie to follow her and come in, an AirPod playing music loudly in one ear. 

Ellie took a quick glance around the place, never having actually been inside Daniela’s room before. The twin-size beds, old wooden dressers, and scuffed-up desks were an all-too-familiar sight for Ellie, having gone through the same torturous experience herself only a couple of years back in her freshman year. But a few things were different as Daniela and her roommate had attempted to really personalize their living area. Ellie tried not to make a face of repulsion when spotting a few Taylor Swift concert posters above one of the desks. 

Daniela plopped onto, what Ellie had assumed was, her bed but made no gesture that welcomed Ellie to do the same. She merely stared at her passively as Ellie tried to avoid looking her directly in the eye. 

“You’re an hour late.” Daniela pointed out. 

“Only fifty-two minutes late.” Ellie attempted to joke. 

Daniela only hummed in response, unsmiling. She picked up a faded brown jacket that was sitting on top of her pillow by the collar and handed it over to Ellie. 

“Thanks,” Ellie muttered, tucking the jacket under her arm. “Uh, thanks a lot for looking after it. Needed it back ‘cause it’s really my dad’s old jacket.” 

“Oh, sorry. I would have given it back sooner if I knew that.” Daniela replied, not sounding the least bit sorry. 

“It’s okay.” Ellie mumbled awkwardly. 

There was an uncomfortable moment or two of complete silence where Daniela continued to merely gaze at Ellie, unwavering and unapologetic, while Ellie focused her eyes on her Converse as she wrung her hands together. 

“Hey, look…” Ellie eventually spoke up. “I really am sorry about being late. I just had a really important emergency that I had to deal with.” 

“It’s fine,” Daniela replied remorselessly. “Tara told me that you suddenly had to deal with some shit.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Tara. Tara Maclay. She works with me at Ruston.” 

“Oh, right.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Your ex-girlfriend, right?” Daniela asks unexpectedly. 

“What?” 

“Your ex-girlfriend. The shit you had to deal with tonight.” 

“Oh, uh…” 

“No point in lying, Ellie.” Daniela shrugged. “Tara already told me the gist.” 

“Oh. What did she say exactly?” 

“Not much. Said that you needed to help deal with something for someone you both know. She didn’t tell me exactly that it was your ex-girlfriend, but it was pretty obvious. I read between the lines.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“She really shouldn’t have told you all that.” 

“She was ranting to another co-worker and I overheard your name and I was curious.” Daniela shrugged again, unabashed. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“So you still into your ex or something, Ellie?” Daniela spoke up again. 

“She’s not really my ex-girlfriend.” 

“Whatever.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Well?” Daniela asked. 

“It’s kind of complicated.” 

“That’s just the bullshit way of saying yes,” Daniela rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t matter if she’s your ‘ex’ or whatever.” 

“Look, Daniela—” 

“I know we aren’t serious or whatever, but I don’t really feel like dealing with someone else’s ex drama.” 

“There’s no drama. I don’t even speak to her anymore.” 

“And yet you ditched me to go and help her out with something earlier.” 

“It’s not like that. And it was also an emergency.” 

“So you said.” 

Ellie wasn’t sure why she felt the need to explain herself to a girl she barely knew. Part of her felt compelled to do so as if she could continue to actively ignore her feelings by saying these things out loud. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“God, you’re such an asshole fuckboy, Ellie.” 

“Hey, what the fuck—” 

“You know that you can get girls and do, but you just like to fuck around with them and play with their feelings.” 

“Alright, first of all, you said yourself that we’re nothing serious. We’ve barely even done anything.” Ellie said defensively. “Second, I literally just said that I don’t even talk to her anymore! Not even tonight!” 

Ellie scoffed as Daniela rolled her eyes once more. 

“Look,” Ellie continued through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry that I was late tonight. And I get it if your feelings are hurt. But nothing’s happening between me and my ex.” 

“You just said that she wasn’t your ex.” 

“Sh-she’s— she’s not, she’s—” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Daniela muttered as stood up from her bed. “At this point, I’m over it, and I really don’t give a fuck anymore. You’re hot and all, Ellie. But this is not worth it.” 

She popped an AirPod in her ear once more and sauntered over to the door. 

“Word of advice. Figure out your feelings for this ‘ex’ of yours and decide if you actually wanna be with her or not before getting involved with anyone else. Nobody deserves that hanging over their head, especially when you’re so clearly still in love with her.” 

And with that, Daniela opened the door and peered at her expectantly. Ellie took the hint and walked towards her direction and through the doorway. Before Ellie could fully turn around and give any parting words, Daniela shut the door in her face. 

Present 

Ellie collapses onto her bed next to Joel’s old motorcycle jacket. She pulls her phone out again, contemplating calling Jesse and Dina once more. But realizing they’ll probably call her if they have anything important that they feel she needs to know, she drops the phone down to her side in defeat. 

She continues to lay in her bed for a while, stewing in her unresolved feelings with nobody to confide in. Closing her eyes, her mind begins to race against her will with reminders of the path life led her down after you. 

First was Marisol. Less than two months into sophomore year of college, Jesse and Dina were completely aghast to see Ellie walking around campus with a girl they’d never seen her with before. She was in Ellie’s Aerospace Engineering class, and Ellie had claimed to have had an eye on her since last year. Jesse and Dina watched helplessly as their friend flaunted her new girlfriend around everywhere for the next couple of months. 

Ellie wasn’t initially sure what it was that attracted her to Marisol in the first place. She was naturally beautiful with her long, black hair and slender figure, and she was the textbook definition of a perfect girlfriend. It took two and a half months of overly extravagant dates and bouquets of Marisol’s favourite flowers and late nights spent at her dorm room for Ellie to understand what it was about Marisol that she was drawn to: it was her eyes. Down to the specks in her irises and how her eyelids curved, Marisol’s eyes resembled yours far too well. After coming to this harrowing realization, Ellie quickly broke things off with her tactlessly and with a half-assed, mostly untrue justification. 

The next was Luz who she had met during her near-daily workouts at the gym with Jesse. Ellie spent several autumn weeks with them, allowing Luz to whisk her about to different parties with different groups of friends every weekend. But one fateful night when they had dragged Ellie to a party at the same Sigma Eta frat house where you’d both first met, a bad acid trip cemented the end of her time with Luz. 

As Ellie’s dilated pupils focused intensely on Luz’s black boots, a pair very similar to your favourites, she felt a sensation begin to roughly tug at something inside her. From her spot on the living room couch, her eyes darted up to a spot by the wall where a small group of partygoers were congregating. She zeroed in on a random girl she’d never seen before whose multi-coloured features, as a result of LSD brain fog, began to morph into those of someone she was desperately trying to forget.

Once the last parts of the stranger’s face had fully formed to impersonate yours, she abruptly stood up from her slouched position on the couch, muttered an excuse to Luz about using the bathroom, and desperately begged Jesse to come pick her up immediately. After Jesse helped her click on her seatbelt in the passenger seat with a tight-lipped expression where he fought the urge to remind her of the significance of this house, Ellie never looked back and swore never to trip on acid again, subsequently ghosting Luz after that night. 

A couple of weeks before winter break, she met a sweet and quiet girl named Simi. They met through a dating app during one of Ellie’s crossfaded swiping sprees at 2 in the morning. Ellie’s affair with her was extremely short-lived, ending things with her a day before everyone left campus to head home for the holidays. While spending the day hanging out at Simi’s dorm room as her new girlfriend packed for her trip home, Ellie suddenly and unfairly started a fight with her after Simi had begun to mindlessly sing the song “Merry Christmas Darling” under her breath. 

Ellie had unkindly demanded for her to “shut up” immediately, understandably hurting Simi’s feelings. The fight was short and confusing, as Ellie had refused to elaborate on her sudden explosion. As she unceremoniously marched out of the dorm room, Ellie aggressively tried to suppress memories of you singing that same Carpenters song on a loop all of December of the previous year. You’d claimed you couldn’t get it out of your head and needed to sing it out loud at least fifty times a day so you could stop thinking about it. Though Ellie had playfully cussed you out and thrown several pillows at you on multiple occasions, that song now belonged to you forever and nobody else. 

After Simi were strings of countless others, some who had used Ellie as their brief college lesbian experience and many whose names Ellie would never be able to recall. She never hooked up with the same person more than twice, never actually took another one out for an actual date until Daniela. 

Ellie had found Daniela incredibly pretty when she’d first laid eyes on her on a warm September afternoon earlier in the year. She was lounging on the quad as Dina did her homework and Jesse lazily strummed his guitar when a group of freshmen walked by. Ellie hadn’t spared them a glance until one of the girls approached her, all shy and giggly, and said that one of her friends found Ellie very cute. After pointing Daniela out and asking for her number, Ellie shrugged and relented. She ignored Dina and Jesse’s identical judgmental looks and eye-rolls in her peripheral vision. 

Ellie enjoyed the undivided attention of someone completely enamoured by her. Daniela was constantly responsive, did whatever Ellie wanted to do, and was always so eager to please her. Ellie’d bring her to the movies, go on long drives with her in her Jeep, take her to whatever restaurants she’d want to eat at. 

To anyone who keenly observed when they were together, it was quite obvious who was far more invested between the two. Despite spending an ample amount of time with her in the past month or so, Ellie continued to keep Daniela at arm’s length. On multiple occasions when Ellie’d convinced Jesse and Dina to allow Daniela to accompany them, the long-time couple would watch how disconnected their friend was from this new girl she’d been seeing.

Dina would constantly give Jesse a raised eyebrow look that silently would ask, “Is she really serious?” to which Jesse would give her a tight-lipped, wordless grimace that replied with “We both know she’s a fucking dumbass.” They both placed bets on when exactly Ellie would eventually ditch this new girlfriend. 

Unbeknownst to them, it’s Ellie who was so easily discarded this time around. Feeling so unmoved and unaffected about the split with Daniela, Ellie tries to feel some kind of guilt over her lack of reciprocation. It’s her own actions, after all, that landed her dumped in the first place. She’s never fully seen Daniela as an actual girlfriend, and she knows full well that she shouldn’t have strung her along. 

But as she continues to lay in her bed, ocean green eyes shut and a hand woven through her auburn locks, she thinks of only you. 

Ellie can’t remember a single moment in her life when she’s felt more in need of another person’s company than she does at this very moment. Unable to trouble Dina to be her listening ear as she always is or bother Jesse to bluntly set her straight as usual, she feels the loneliness of the gloomy, dark room creep into her guilty conscience. 

Her fingers begin to mindlessly search her bedsheets as she continues to stare at her decrepit bedroom ceiling, seeking for her silver joint box that had fallen out of her pocket when she’d collapsed on her bed. Instead of the feel of cold metal, her hand comes across something smooth and warm. Pulling the brown leather jacket up to her face, Ellie’s mind murmurs a single word. 

Joel. 

She pulls her phone out to search for her father’s face within her favourite contacts. She hesitates for a moment but pushes herself to call. 

Joel picks up after only two rings. 

“Ellie? Jesus, kiddo, what the hell time is it?” 

“Hello to you too, old man.” Ellie chuckles. 

“Everythin’ alright?” Joel’s voice asks, tired but urgent. 

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I guess.” 

Ellie can almost hear her father sitting up straight in bed. 

“What’s wrong, Ellie?” 

“I-I…” She stutters. “Joel…” 

With a whimpering tone, she suddenly recounts the night’s events in complete detail. Joel listens attentively, only ever interrupting with sharp intakes of breath and hushed, imperceptible asides. After listening to his daughter’s sorrowful spiel, he finally speaks. 

“Oh, baby girl…” Joel utters. “I truly am sorry. It’s been a real rough night for all of y’all.” 

“Yeah…” 

“That poor kid… I’m glad she had you three lookin’ out for her tonight.” 

Ellie says nothing to this, pursing her lips. 

“How about you, Ellie?” Joel continues. “How are you feelin’ after everythin’ that’s happened?” 

“I-I’m not really sure. I’m not sure I know how to feel.” 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to just yet. It just happened and all.” 

“All I feel is so much fucking guilt, Joel. It feels like my mind is empty but overflowing all at the same time. I feel so motherfucking powerless and I don’t know what to do.” 

There’s a moment of silence before her father speaks again. 

“You given any thought to the conversation we had before you left for school, kiddo?” 

Last August: Jackson 

Ellie’s bedroom was full of boxes and bags packed with everything she planned to bring to college for her junior year. The space was slightly more barren, closet mostly empty and trinkets missing from her shelves. It was only a couple more days before she, Dina, and Jesse would be making their journey back to their university, and she was uncharacteristically ahead of schedule. 

Leaning against her desk with a box full of comic books on the floor next to her, she was casually perusing an old graphic novel when Joel appeared in her open doorway. 

“Knock, knock.” 

“The door’s open, old man. Also, you can literally just walk in, you know.” 

“Who raised you to have so much cheek against your elders, kid?” 

“You, dude.” 

The pair smirked at each other’s smart-mouthed retorts. 

“Need any help packin’ up?” 

“Nah. It’s pretty much done except for a handful of essentials.” 

“Including that book you’re holdin’ right now?” 

“Like I said: essentials.” 

Joel chuckled. 

“Well, the Changs sent over some dinner for us, if you want some. Wisa made K-kaw… Khao Tom Pa… no, Plah…” Joel stuttered, making an effort to pronounce the Thai dish correctly. “Khao Tom Plah, that’s it. She brought some over earlier, thought we might want some. She even made it without the prawns, just the way you like it.” 

“Sick. She’s the best. I’ll text Jesse later to thank her.” 

“Good.” 

Joel lingered as Ellie went back to reading her comic, wistfully looking around his daughter’s nearly vacated bedroom. His eyes fell on a small box sitting at the foot of Ellie’s bed. It was an ordinary, cardboard box just as the others were, except it was heavily sealed with multiple layers of silver duct tape. He frowned. 

“Still plannin’ on bringin’ that box?” 

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked, knowing exactly what her father was referring to without looking up. 

“You know you can just leave it here at home, right? It ain’t like I go through your doohickeys when you ain’t here.” 

“So you do go through my shit when I am here?” 

“Ellie.” 

“What?” 

“Why the hell are you doing this to yourself, kid?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“We’ve been having this same conversation for the past year now.” 

Ellie finally peeled her eyes away from her graphic novel, tossing it on the desk behind her and crossing her arms. 

“You’re the one who keeps bringing it up, Joel.” 

“I bring it up because I know that you ain’t been talkin’ about these feelings with anyone. Not me or Jesse or Dina. It’s been a year since you ditched that poor girl, and you’re still sulkin’ over it.” 

“She ditched me.” 

“Hold your horses; we both know that ain’t true.” 

“What do you want from me, old man?” 

“I want you to be happy, kiddo.” 

“What makes you think I’m not happy?” 

“Now, don’t try to bullshit me. You can grumble and deny it ‘til the cows come home, but even after all this time, all you ever do is brood and pine after that girl. Plain as day to anyone. You ain’t been the same since y’all broke up.” 

“We weren’t together.” 

“Yes, you were.” 

Joel ignored his daughter’s subsequent eye-roll before continuing. 

“You still have the box, Ellie.” 

“I just forgot I even had it.” 

“And yet, you’re bringin’ it to school with you, just like you did last year. Why?” 

“It was just in my closet stuffed in with all this other shit I don’t touch. Had to take it out while I was packing.” 

“That ain’t amount to a hill o’ beans. And you still ain’t answer my question.” 

“Sorry, dude.” 

“Ellie. You and I would down to Beacon Run all the damn time back when you were growin’ up. You used to beg me to go for dinner whenever you had a hankerin’ to order that cheesy crab dip with all those chips and jalapeños and such.” 

Ellie raised her eyebrow, unsure where her father was going with this. 

“Then all of a sudden, a few years ago, you seemed to hate the place. You’ll maybe get a plate of fries and nothin’ else. Matter of fact, I can’t, for the life of me, recall the last time I’ve seen you eat a plate of seafood with any kind of shellfish in it.” 

Joel’s greying eyes pierced Ellie’s ocean green. 

“Two years.” He continued. “It’s been two years. You almost never eat any kind of seafood no more, and even the Changs never cook us anythin’ that has shrimps or scallops or anythin’ of the like.”

Joel watched as his daughter stubbornly struggled to justify herself. He sighed sadly. 

“I wish you’d let yourself be happy, Ellie. You could be.” 

“That so? How do you figure that?” 

“First step is admitting exactly what is clear as day to everyone around you.” 

“Oh, yeah? And what is that?” 

Present Day 

“J-Joel… I-I…” Ellie sobs. “I love her.” 

“I know, baby girl.” 

Joel helplessly listens to his daughter’s desperate weeping from the other end of the line. 

“So,” He eventually asks in between her snivels. “What now?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” She sniffs. 

“Kiddo, why do you think your feelings don’t matter?” 

“Because relationships do not work for me. Love doesn’t work for me.” 

“Your relationship with her didn’t work. Past tense. It’s been years. It was a tough situation. You’re a different person now.” Joel clarifies. “And there’s plenty love ‘round you, kiddo. You got a lotta love in your life. I need you t’realize that.” 

“Except I-I’m not a different person, Joel. I-I am just an older, slightly more experienced version of myself. I-I…” Ellie stutters. “I’m afraid.” 

“Of course you are, kid. It’s only natural.” Joel replies. “But you can’t live your whole life closed off from the rest of the world. You need and deserve love, Ellie.” 

“Except I don’t, Joel! I fucking don’t!” She cries. “God, y-you just, you just don’t understand!” 

“What don’t I understand?” 

“She almost fucking died!” Ellie nearly screams. 

A silence falls between the two, only broken by Ellie’s hot and angry tears noisily dropping onto the old leather jacket. She grips it tightly in one hand before continuing. 

“I-if… if none of it happened… if I d-didn’t do all that to h-her all those years ago…” She stutters between shaky lips. “M-maybe she wouldn’t be where she is now. She wouldn’t have gone on a date w-with someone who didn’t know about…” 

Ellie chokes back a sob. 

“I-I… I would have known. I would have t-taken care of her. I would never have—” 

“Ellie.” 

“She needed me, and I… I let her down. Not just tonight. All those years ago. I couldn’t be what she needed. I fucking failed her.” 

“It’s not that simple, kid.” 

“Yes, it is! Her cousin fucking died! He was her whole fucking world, and she loved him more than anything, and he fucking died and I… I ran. I abandoned her.” 

The blurry memory of your sleeping figure in the passenger seat of Ellie’s Jeep appears in front of her, wrapped up cozily in her flannel as she drives you home from Jackson and naive to what lies ahead. 

“I know… I know what I’m capable of, Joel. I loved her so much all those years ago and… I still hurt her. I hurt her so fucking badly.” 

Your image transforms to one of you awake and livid, Ellie’s flannel torn off and tears streaming down your face. Anger and betrayal are etched all over your face, just like they were all those years ago. The shame she’d felt back then is incomparable to what she feels now. 

“I don’t ever want to do that to her again, ever. I just can’t. I won’t.” 

Joel sighs deeply before finally speaking. 

“Ellie. That fear is always gonna be there. But you’re young, and we make plenty of mistakes in our youth. God knows how much of my past I used to regret.” 

Ellie takes deep breaths as her father continues to speak. 

“Everythin’ that happened tonight? None of it was your fault. In fact, I reckon you’re the reason she’s still livin’ and breathin’ right now. I’m proud of you for that.” 

“All I did was—” 

“All you did was save her life.” 

Ellie sniffles but doesn’t respond. 

“Look, kiddo,” Joel continues. “As someone who has known you for a very long time, I know how much of a good heart you got. You’re a lovin’ person who deserves love. I wish you could believe that.” 

The sound of people entering through the front door echoes all around the empty apartment, but Ellie hears nothing else but the sound of her own agonized sobs. 

author’s notes:

belle posting TWO chapters of ncty within less than two weeks of each other??? what is this, may 2023???

saury for not posting this right away like promised yesterday, like i said, going thru some shit rn! but i hope y'all enjoyed regardless ♥︎

i'll give you a kiss on the mouth if you guess the bollywood movie i vaguely reference at the beginning of the chapter :)

the idea of reader being allergic to shellfish and going into anaphylactic shock came to me one day a while back when i was eating something with shrimp and randomly remembered that i am very allergic to shellfish and instead of being like, "i should go take some medicine immediately", i thought, "hmm this would be a wild plot point for ncty" LMFAOOOO

anyway, this is your reminder that if you have an epipen, don't be stupid, bring that shit with you wherever you go sldkfjsdl

the more of jesse that i include in this series, the more i enjoy writing him. he's such a fun character to write hehe

i thought having abby sipping on some hot, black coffee when ellie fucking canonically hates coffee was so hilarious, i pat myself on the fucking back for that one

yes i also pat myself on the back for the line regarding ellie's ocean green eyes and abby's sky blue ones. i fucking love parallels and symbolism. i'm a whore for them, in fact.

btw dina doesn't respond to ellie's phone call bc her phone died (prob from facetiming ellie for that long earlier in the night) and idk, jesse's either not paying attention or being petty LMFAO

the reappearance of barbie bearrrrr, my babyyyy. idk if y'all remember, but yes, barbie bear is a reference to the actual stuffed pink bear i sleep with every night named barbie. i had planned since chapter 4 (which is the chapter barbie bear is first mentioned) for ellie to have had her this whole time because i'm a fucking lunatic LOL

i mentioned in the author's notes section of the last chapter how reader's letterwriting hobby is inspired by me irl cause i do that all the time for friends, but reader's letter in this chapter is actually loosely based on a letter that soulmate ex wrote me, it's not word for word exactly, i altered it a bit to fit the story better, but it's very close because i'm INSANE, anyway

yes "i think i love you again" is on my playlist about my ex-girlfriend and "merry christmas darling" is on his playlist for me, go away

ellie's clear aversion to taylor swift is both a reference to a previous chapter where jesse subtly mentions her dislike for her and also to my personal belief that ellie really would not like her as a person or an artist at all irl lmfao

the names of all of ellie's ex gfs or whatever are inspired by something very specific but that's another heehee secret trivia that nobody else but me will ever know about (let's be real, i'll prob tell star later LOL)

i named jesse's mom after one of my fave co-workers hehe (and the dish she makes for them is thai bc my co-worker is from thailand)

ellie's declaration of love about reader that she makes to joel has also been a long time planned now, idk why i knew it was gonna be chapter 13 when i did it, but i just knew it was. it was always the plan for her to confess it out loud to joel first, above anyone else

the final conversation between ellie and joel is heavily inspired by a scene from one of my fave tv shows, crazy ex-girlfriend. the scene makes me bawl every time i watch it. please watch crazy ex-girlfriend. so good.

we really are thirteen chapters into this series, huh? crazy. anyway, love y'all. <3

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[eds6ngel]

✮⋆｡°✩⋆˙ a christmas miracle

a 'when i kissed the teacher' spinoff.

summary: you and steve were in a weird situation. you weren't actively trying to get pregnant, but you weren't exactly being safe either. so, how will steve react when he opens his final christmas present?

warnings: dad!steve. mom!reader. fem!reader. afab!reader. 90s!au. mentions and allusions to sex. mentions of pregnancy. pet names. kissing. tons of crying. alena being too young to understand pregnancy (kinda cute tho). alena being a cutie pie as always. some worries over steve's reaction. but mostly fluff and comfort!! [1.9k].

author's note: hi everyone!! i am back!! my first semester of uni is finally over, so i can get back to fic writing a little more! i couldn't neglect my happy family like this, so i've tackled a pregnancy fic! i've never been pregnant, but i do wish to be in my life, so all of my research has been for my own benefit and utilised in this fic. if i'm inaccurate in any parts, please let me know for the benefit of the readers and myself!! ♡

It was hard not announcing the news to Steve. Having to attend your first scan without him was heartbreaking, but the look upon the nurse’s face after you told her you were going to wrap up the ultrasound photo, along with a card saying “Merry Christmas Daddy” and a pair of small, cream, woolen socks, just confirmed your decision was the right one.

You and Steve were in a sort of weird situation. You had stopped using protection, but weren’t in a position were you were actively trying to get pregnant. You agreed that any time from now was an okay time for the two of you to have a child, but also weren’t bothered if the pregnancy tests came back negative.

But, a little Christmas miracle decided to form inside of you, the test showing two lines on December 11th, 1999.

Steve and Alena had gone grocery shopping for an hour, the perfect opportunity for you to wrap Steve’s gift.

Rolling out the wrapping paper, you placed a grey, fluffy blanket in the centre, before laying on top the Christmas card which read:

Hi Daddy.

I’m six weeks old today!

I can’t wait to meet you soon! I’m planning to enter the world on August 20th, 2000.

My mom is keeping me very safe right now as I grow, but I’ll still be listening out for you from inside my home.

See you in nine months.

Love, your future child <3

And as you were about to place the ultrasound photo next to the cream baby socks you previous put underneath the card, your eyes started welling with tears once more.

Was it the hormones? Maybe. But, something in you felt this was all natural. You were growing a human life inside of you, one that has half of your DNA and the other half the love of your life’s. That was something to bask in the intense emotion of.

With everything laid out neatly, you reached over for the sellotape, folding over the edges and carefully sticking them in place.

Wrapping the gift in a pretty cream bow, matching the socks inside, and adding a label reading “To my darling Stevie,” you added it to the pile of increasing gifts in the corner of yours and Steve’s bedroom.

Now, just a week to go until he gets his surprise.

You cradle your stomach, despite the size not increasing at all yet, and whisper to your unborn child “A week and he’ll know, my love. Your beautiful existence will be known.”

“Mom! Dad! Wake up! Wake up!”

You are awoken by the sound of your bouncing ten-year-old, aggressively rocking your fiancé as he groans loudly, his eyes adjusting to the light peaking through the window.

“Mornin’ pumpkin,” he murmurs, you opening up one eye as Alena’s full set of brand-new adult teeth smile right at you.

“And what are you doing up so early, missy?” you ask, the clock on the bedside table next to Steve shining a bright 6:00 in the morning, illuminating the room in a red glow.

“Mom” she drags out, rolling her eyes playfully, “You know what day it is!”

You tap your chin lightly, playing along with the joke, “Hmm… I feel as if I may need a reminder.”

“It’s Christmas Mom! And I may or may not have seen all the presents you left underneath the tree…” her vocal pitch increases, looking away in a guilty look as Steve reaches up and pulls her down into his body, the girl screaming as he ruffles her hair.

“Did someone be naughty and peak underneath the tree?” he grits through his teeth, Alena shouting in a reply, “I didn’t mean to, I promise! I saw it on the way to your room!”

You begin to tickle her sides as Steve holds her in place against his chest, making the girl scream in delight loudly, “Is someone now on Santa’s naughty list?”

“Mom…” she pouts her lips, a grumpy expression adorning her face as you sigh sadly, “I know sweet cheeks, you don’t believe in him anymore.”

“I’m sorry…”

You hold out your arms as you wrap her in a warm hug, “Don’t be sorry, baby. I knew you would realise eventually. You’re getting too old!”

She gasps and looks into your eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, “I am not old! You and Dad are old.”

You start giggling in shock as Steve just opens his mouth wide, “You better watch yourself, pumpkin.”

“Yeah,” you hold up a finger in warning, before pointing it over to Steve, “Dad doesn’t like being reminded he’s in his mid-thirties.”

And now it is Steve’s turn to attack you, but instead with aggressive kisses, littering them up your neck and across your face lightly, Alena now old enough to understand the playful love between the two of you. “You’re almost thirty as well, you know.”

“Two more years to go, babe. I’m still in my prime development decade,” you smirk at him.

And it wasn’t just you who was developing.

A loud gasp can be heard along with the shredding of paper as Alena holds up her latest gift, “You actually got me it?”

For such a small gadget, the Barbie Digital Camera cost you $70, the most expensive gift yet, but maybe not the one which will cause the biggest reaction.

“Of course I did! It’s the one thing you kept pointing at in the magazine!”

She giggles with a bright smile, “Thank you! Thank you!”

She launches herself at you, the motherly instinct in you clutching onto your stomach to protect your unborn child, hoping Steve didn’t notice the movement. The surprise would be known in the next half an hour.

“And after you’ve taken your photos, we can connect it to Dad’s computer and see it come to life! How cool is that?”

“Can I take it to school?” she asks, clutching the box in her hands.

“I assume you can! But, just ask Mrs. Critchley before you take it in, okay?”

“Okay!” she smiles, plopping herself back down on the carpet to open the rest of her gifts.

Your hands began to sweat. Alena was all done opening her presents, patiently waiting for you and Steve to unwrap yours.

Steve let you attend to your gifts first. Everything from a brand-new necklace designed with a rose quartz, matching your engagement ring, to the latest Nokia phone, you were thankful for everything he had bought you, praising him with many gentle kisses and warm hugs.

Now, it was Steve’s turn. You specifically told him to leave one present until last, leading him to give you an eyebrow raise and a shrug before simply agreeing, used to your weirdness by now. You got him everything from a new cologne to a new pair of Nike shoes, the soles of his old pair wearing thin from how much he was working over the Christmas holidays.

But, after one final kiss, it was finally time.

“Can I open this now?” Steve jokes, the nerves deeply settling in your stomach. You don’t even know why you were worried, you had stopped using protection in mutual agreement, knowing kids could be a possibility from that result. There was just a voice in your head trying to convince you an awful reaction would occur.

“Uh, yeah… Yeah, you can.”

“Hey,” he puts an arm on your shoulder, “Why are you so nervous?”

You lightly chuckle, “You’ll find out once you open the gift.”

Even after all of these years, Steve still wasn’t the smartest. Verbal cues were not his strong suit, but my God could he read body language like a champ.

He gives you a confused look before unwrapping the cream-coloured bow, delicately tearing apart the paper as his eyes immediately notice the ultrasound scan.

He may be oblivious, but he isn’t that oblivious. He has one very similar in his bedside table drawer of his sweet ten-year-old daughter sat next to him.

The tears form at his eyes before he can even recognise them. Small sniffles enter the atmosphere as his hazel eyes make contact with you, “Are you serious?”

And the tears follow suit for you, nodding frantically as he leans across the floor to collect you in his arms, crying into your shoulder.

“How far along?” he mumbles into your shoulder, tears dripping onto the red fabric of your dress.

“Read the card and you’ll find out.”

Steve was too drawn into the ultrasound scan to even notice the card you had gotten him. Releasing from the hug, he keeps a gentle hand on the small of your back, picking up the card and carefully opening it, reading the words you had written, the tears increasing as he noticed it was from the perspective of his baby.

“Wha— How? When did you get this done?” he stutters out, still in complete shock of the entire moment.

“Pregnancy test has been in the bathroom trash can for two weeks. I was scared you were going to notice it for a while, but then I remembered it’s you, and you don’t notice anything,” you giggle, Steve not even bothered by the joking insult, too caught up in his own emotions, “And two Thursday’s ago, I didn’t go to work. Went to the hospital and got the scan, and just hung around Starcourt until the time I would normally come home.”

“Well, you fooled me,” he chuckles, leaning in for a kiss which you gladly accept, cupping his cheeks as you smile into it.

“I love you so much, beautiful girl. And I love the baby who is growing inside of you. You’re so strong. Your body is so strong. I just— I can’t wait. I can’t wait to meet them.”

His hand had migrated down to your stomach, gently cradling the unborn child inside of you.

Alena had finally looked up from her Etch-a-Sketch, noticing the tears falling down both yours and Steve’s cheeks, your hands holding tightly onto each side of his head as your foreheads were leant against each other, kneeling on the soft carpet of the living room.

“Mom? Dad? Why are you crying?”

Steve turns around to face his daughter, you looking softly into her eyes, “Because Mom is having a baby, sweetie.”

Steve passes her the ultrasound scan, her face scrunching up in confusion as she points at it, “Why is it just a black blob?”

Steve begins laughing as his head falls onto your shoulder, sweetly rubbing up and down the sides of your waist.

“Because when a baby is first made, it starts out as a black blob and then grows into the full size baby we all know and love,” you explain gently to her.

“Hmm…” she takes in, before asking her next question, “But how did it get there?”

Your eyes widen as Steve’s hands stop on your waist, refusing to lift his head and look at his daughter.

You smile through the awkwardness, remembering that her sex education lessons would start in a matter of months, “You’ll find out soon, baby.”

thank you ever so much for reading!! do you guys want any more pregnancy related fics? i really want to do some research into post-partum for myself, so do you want me to skip straight to that, or tackle other things like morning sickness, gender reveal, baby shower, stuff like that? feel free to let me know!! ♡

taglist: @livsters @bakugouswh0r3 @nix-rose @ihatepeanutss @suitelif3 @clincallyonline17 @crowssixof @starkeylover @eris-rose-86 @frostandflamesfanfic @tlclick73 @steveshairspray @superlegend216

[joyful-enchantress]

Evergreen | Loki x Fem!Reader

banner created by the amazing @springdandelixn

A/N: Hello! Enjoy this festive drabble that I wrote for @fictive-sl0th as part of the Secret Santa fic exchange that she so graciously organized. This can be read alone, but could also be considered a companion to I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.3k (I know, I know... not technically a drabble)

Christmas Eve.

It was a special day for you and Loki -- it was the day he finally asked to court you after more than a year of relentlessly flirting with each other and finding every excuse to be together.

As you reminisced, you absent-mindedly reached your delicate fingers up to toy with the emerald pendant resting against your collarbone; Loki had gifted it to you this very night two years ago, when you both came to your senses and freed the feelings you had been harboring for each other for so long. You couldn't help the smile that graced your lips at the memory. He was your best friend. Your soulmate. Your person.

As always, you and Loki were planning to do your gift exchange for each other tonight, in the privacy of his own quarters. It was one of your favorite traditions you had begun with him, and it gave the two of you time to yourselves, away from the hubbub that inevitably would come tomorrow with Christmas Day in the Avengers Tower.

To celebrate the two years that you and Loki have been officially together, you wanted to do something special. For his gift this year, you had designed and ordered a custom Movado watch for him. The timepiece boasted a two-tone wrist strap of shining silver and yellow gold; the signature 12 o’clock dot and slender hands were cast in yellow gold, and set inside the golden case was the most stunning emerald green dial. On the back of the case you had engraved: The time I spend with you will never be enough. I love you, Loki. It was sleek, elegant, and beautiful — just like him.

The time came for you to head to Loki’s and you could barely contain your excitement; you restlessly bounced and rocked on the balls of your feet as you waited for the elevator to arrive on his floor. The gift box in your hands — blanketed in sleek black wrapping paper and tied off with a glittering emerald green ribbon — complemented your outfit perfectly. A skin-tight black turtleneck was tucked into a tea-length satin skirt of the richest emerald. Your look was completed with sparkling gold heels and, of course, your necklace.

The elevator dinged, signaling your arrival, and you rushed out and nearly skipped the whole way to his door. Before you could even knock, the door swung open, revealing the object of all your love, adoration, and desire.

“Loki…” you breathed. You would never tire of laying eyes on him — each time you did, it felt like the first. His raven curls were neatly slicked back, framing his perfect, angular face. He flashed you a beaming smile and his emerald eyes were alight with excitement and adoration. He was dressed to the nines, in his go-to all-black suit and tie combo, the tie clip you gifted him two years ago displayed proudly against his chest, the single emerald on it glittering when it caught the light. He was beautiful. And he was yours.

"Darling," he returned, "You look absolutely stunning." As he said it, he took your face in his hands and lowered his face to yours, meeting your lips in the most sensual kiss. It was slow and gentle, but there was an urgency to it, as if he might never get to kiss you again. Was he nervous about something?

"Merry Christmas and Happy Anniversary, Lohks. I've been looking forward to seeing you all day."

"As have I, my love. Every moment I'm not with you seems to drag on for eternity," he whispered against your lips. "Happy Anniversary and Merry Christmas, Y/N"

Once you peeled yourselves away from each other and made your way inside his quarters, you placed the gift box under the tree, and you noticed that it was the only one there. That's strange, you briefly thought to yourself for a passing moment, but there were more important matters at hand -- such as the devastatingly good-looking god sitting on the couch waiting for you to join him. You sat down together and enjoyed the hot cocoa he had made, complete with marshmallows and peppermint sticks.

"You're certainly dressed up this year, Loki. I mean, you always look dashingly handsome, of course, but a full suit and tie this year? I'm a lucky lady," you smirked at him.

He chuckled at your remark. God how you loved his laugh. "I wanted to brandish the exquisite gift you bestowed on me two years ago, darling," he explained while gesturing to the tie clip. "And that required wearing a tie. Plus," he continued, looking directly into your eyes, "this is a rather special day, as it marks two years that we've been together romantically. And I couldn't be happier, Y/N."

"Neither could I," you sighed contentedly.

As you sipped your hot cocoa, chatting and sharing the occasional chocolate-laced kiss, Christmas music was softly playing in the background. Everything was perfect in this moment.

"Well, darling, shall we exchange gifts then, before we get too lost in each other to remember or care?" he asked as he brushed his nose against your neck.

"Yes!" you exclaimed as you popped up from the couch and began walking towards the tree to retrieve his gift, blabbering on as you did. "Oh, Loki, I'm so excited for you to open yours, I really hope you like it. I wanted to do something a bit more special this year and --"

You were cut off mid-sentence and your jaw went slack at the sight before you as you turned around, Loki's watch box clasped tightly in your hand. Your best friend and lover was down on one knee, holding in his hands a small box that contained the most beautiful diamond ring you had ever seen. The ring had a twisted band of both platinum and yellow gold. The platinum parts of the twist were encrusted with emeralds, and led directly to the center stone -- a sparkling princess cut diamond -- where they formed a loose halo.

You gasped, speechless, as you approached him.

"Y/N, darling, I love you with everything that I am, and I toiled for weeks, endeavoring to come up with the perfect way to propose to you. Since you are deserving of all the Nine Realms, I wanted to make sure my proposal was lavish enough to reflect that. But then, I realized, there is nothing flashy or performative about our love. Our love is real, it is steadfast, and it is something that comes along once in a generation. It is timeless and beautiful to behold, without even trying. So here I am, in the one place we spend the most time together -- the place where we have shared the most treasured memories and sweet nothings -- asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. Y/N, will you do me the undeniable honor of becoming my wife?"

Tears of joy sprang from your eyes as you listened to him. You couldn't believe it. This was really happening.

"Of course I will," you managed to speak, "Yes, Loki, I'll marry you!"

At your words, he rose from his feet and placed the gorgeous ring on your left ring finger. Looking at him, you would have thought he had just conquered all Nine Realms, with the way his chest swelled with pride and his eyes swam with unshed tears of awe and adoration -- for you.

He wrapped you in a warm embrace and kissed you with more fire and passion than ever before, his soft lips moving against yours in a dance of celebratory ownership. Gone was the urgency from earlier; he was able to take his time now, knowing that you agreed to remain his for all your days.

You would happily don his colors forever. Ever his. Evergreen.

--------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! The 3-word prompt I was given to write towards was "Christmas Eve proposal" Many thanks to @fictive-sl0th for the prompt, for organizing this Secret Santa event, and for allowing me to participate, even though I was a late submission. You are a gem.

If you would like to see pictures of the watch and the ring from this fic, I have included them below.

[postwarlevi]

Happy Christmas/Merry Birthday II

Content: 1.9k words as a bit of a sequel (part I here) about spending time with dad Levi around his birthday. (part III here)

A/n: Not proof read, just written, spell checked and posted! Part I not required but technically this is a sequel. Enjoy!

"Morning daddy!" Your little girl hops up on the bed bright and early, as you and Levi have been cuddling in bed.

Levi grabs hold of her making her squeal with joy as you smile at their interaction.

Even at age nine she loves her father so much. It makes you happy to see them together, when at one point Levi was terrified of having children.

Not exactly with you, but at all. Thinking his injuries of lost sight in one eye and a damaged leg would somehow hinder him being a father.

But it hasn't, and he loves his little girl with all his heart.

"Morning mommy!" She giggles and hugs you after Levi let's her go.

"Morning my darling." You kiss her cheek as she lay in between you. "What shall we do today?"

"Since it's daddys birthday tomorrow, let's let him decide!" She says with a bright smile.

Levi smiles and snuggles into the sheets with you both. "Let's just stay here all day." He says, making you all chuckle merrily.

"I could make your breakfast!" She insists. You've been teaching her a couple things and she likes baking for you both.

"Okay, how about some muffins?" Levi asks.

In a flash your little one kisses both your cheeks and it up and out the bedroom door, racing to the kitchen to start.

You smile warmly at your husband and cuddle him a few more minutes, confident in your daughter to get things started on her own.

"I don't want anything tomorrow." Levi says, holding you tight.

"You say that every year, but it's your birthday, and Christmas, and our girl loves getting you things. And, I already have something for you." You say, smiling a bit.

Levi sighs. He should know better by now. He does like it, really. It makes him feel good that every year you get him something very special, and since it makes his daughter happy, he'll accept presents from her too.

"Okay love. Just one though." He eyes you and you nod.

"Just one." You kiss him, stroking his cheek before getting out of bed to put your robe on.

Levi smiles as he watches you, still finding it hard to believe he loves you just as much now as when he first said it, and that you love him back, and have this beautiful child together. There's nothing else he needs.

You lean in to kiss his cheek then go help your daughter in the kitchen while Levi goes to take a shower.

"How are you doing?" You ask her.

"I have everything measured and the blueberries out!" She says proudly. So far she's been able to do most of this on her own. She hasn't needed any sharp knives, which you still don't let her use by herself.

"Perfect! Let's fold them in and then we'll pour the mixture." You come over to help, inspecting to make sure there's no egg shell. But, there isn't.

The muffins are in the oven and your little one goes to play in the backyard while you start Levis tea.

You smile, watching her from the window, thinking back to the day you told Levi you were pregnant.

It wasn't very long after you got married. You were so happy but nervous because you knew he would have doubts about himself. You were not expecting him to cry, but he held you and kissed you when you showed him the positive test, and told you he'd try his very best.

When you told friends and family they were all excited for you and encouraged and supported you both.

He's come a long way since then, you all have.

"Mmm, smells good." Levi comes in from his shower, fully dressed and dried hair.

"Blueberry muffins in the oven."

You watch as he sits at the table. His leg seems to be doing good today.

"Here's your tea, sweetheart." You pour his tea and serve him, kissing his head.

Levi latches onto your side, holding you against him, making you smile.

"I love you." He says, nuzzling your stomach.

"I love you too." You rub his shoulder and enjoy the moment.

A few minutes later after Levi has drank half his tea, your daughter comes in just as the timer dings and you take out the muffins.

"These smell delicious!" You say, putting them on a plate to cool and putting them on the table.

You get Levi and yourself more tea, as your daughter gets a glass of milk, and you eat together.

"Wow, these are good!" Levi says, gobbling down all of one in record time.

"She made them all herself." You say with a smile, taking one.

Your daughter nods happily as she eats one herself.

It's a lazy morning of spending time together, cooking, doing puzzles, and enjoying the peace and quiet of the day.

"Daddy! Come play with me!" Your daughter says, running back outside.

She used to be afraid of him hurting his leg more, but over time has realized he'll slow down if he needs to.

"On my way love!" Levi says, standing up from his place on the couch.

On his way out he catches you and pulls you close, holding your waist and kissing your lips.

You sigh happily and kiss him back, before sending him outside.

You watch from the porch as they play together. It's one of Levis good days and he won't miss this time for anything. You know he might try to hide it if he is achy, but you can generally tell pretty quick. But today, there is nothing to worry about.

"Mommy, come play!" She yells to you, and you run out with a smile as you all play a form of tag.

You play around the yard, Levi sitting down after a while but still watching. In the distance you nab your daughter and kiss her cheek, laughing as she hugs you.

"Can you help me with daddies present tomorrow?" You ask as you lay in the grass together.

She looks at you, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Yeah!" She hugs you and giggles.

It was just yesterday you told her what his present is, and she promised not to spoil it.

"Come on my girls. Let's have dinner." Levi calls to you, standing up and motioning for you to come in.

You all go inside and cook a nice meal together, settling in the living room to watch a holiday movie.

Halfway through you clean up and cuddle on the couch together with some hot chocolate.

You lay your head on Levis shoulder as your daughter rests across both your laps.

She barely makes it to the end of the movie, and you and Levi help her up to bed.

Tucked in tight, she reaches up to hug Levi. "Love you daddy."

"Good night, my little reindeer." Levi starts in with the holiday nicknames, making her giggle sleepily.

He wonders when she might stop saying daddy one day, and use something different instead, and hope that day never comes.

You hug your daughter too and kiss her cheek as she drifts off to sleep.

You and Levi stay up a little later, putting some presents under the tree for her, and each other.

"Ah, I see my name on something." You say with a smile.

"Of course. Santa got it." Levi kisses your temple.

You go to sleep a short time later, holding him through the night, excited for tomorrow.

In the morning you wake up first and try to sneak from the bed, but Levi surprises you and grasps your waist, making you laugh as he pulls you back in bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asks playfully.

You turn to him and tuck your head under his chin.

"Nowhere my sweetheart." You cuddle for a bit, knowing your daughter will wake soon.

As Levi stretches and yawns you brush his hair back.

"How you feeling today?" He played a lot with you two yesterday and want to make sure he hasn't overdone it. He wouldn't tell you if you don't ask.

"I'll be fine love." He kisses you gently. As long as he can walk, he won't miss any chance to be with you. He thinks he might be a little achy later, but isn't too worried.

You are broken apart by your daughter climbing on your bed, snuggling between you like yesterday morning.

"Happy Christmas mommy! Merry birthday daddy!" She hugs you both.

You both kiss her and smile.

"Happy Christmas! What do you want to do first?" You ask her.

Usually you eat a little something first then work on her presents and make phone calls to family.

This Christmas goes the same with making pancakes together and eating before she starts in on her presents. New books are up first that she asked for, and some new pencils for artwork which she likes to make.

"Open yours!" She gives you a gift from her and Levi, a new camera that takes instant photos.

"Oh cool!" You grin and hug them both. This will come in handy.

Your daughter watches as Levi kisses your cheek and rubs your stomach softly, and bites her lip.

"Mommy? Is it time for daddys gift?" She asks.

You sigh happily. "Yes, I think so."

She hands him a small box and whispers to you. "Does he know?" She wonders.

You shrug. Perhaps he's guessed.

She sits on your lap while you watch Levi open the box.

He takes the blue paper off and opens the box the contains his gift.

Inside is a positive pregnancy test, indicating your family is going to get bigger.

He makes a noise you rarely hear, and that your daughter has never heard.

"Are you crying?" She jumps off your lap and hugs her father.

He is. It's overwhelming. He hugs her back through her tears as you smile through your own when he pulls you in.

"Another baby." His voice breaks and you nod.

"We almost thought you knew, you've been touching my tummy so much." You realize that's why your daughter thought he knew.

"Maybe I was just hoping." He really didn't know, but now that he thinks of it, he was hoping this would be your gift to him one year.

You spend the next little while all cuddling together on the couch, crying and laughing together, talking about the addition coming next year. Any other presents can wait till later.

"Can't believe you knew before I did." He grins and kisses his daughters forehead.

Levi might still be nervous, because after all, it is another new little life. But he's not scared anymore. The way your daughter loves him he knows he's up for the title dad.

A little while later the phone rings and it's some friends calling. You decide to keep the news to yourselves for now, and just speak of your day and wish them good tidings.

During all the usually holiday phone calls you and Levi catch each others eye multiple times, and you see a sparkle in his eye that makes your heart happy.

Some people notice the happy tone in his voice and just think it's because he's having a good day. They'll find out soon enough, just how good.

It makes you smile brightly when he lays across the couch and rests his head on your stomach.

As your daughter plays with her new art supplies, she also doesn't say anything to anyone. Though she's very excited to get to be a big sister. That's the present she was hoping for, too.

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

Dr. Show Off

Pairing: Stephen Strange x Reader

Summary: Leave it to Stephen to show off with his powers.

Warnings: None

MASTERLIST

HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas my loves I hope you all had a wonderful day today. I also apologise for going MIA for months, I got busy with uni and my mental health took a decline. However, I couldn't let today pass without gifting y'all some Christmas fluff.

-----

"Question, do you plan on getting off your ass anytime soon to help me out here?" Stephen barely glanced in my direction before he returned to his laptop in front of him, completely ignoring the fact that I'm basically decorating our apartment all alone for Christmas.

"I told you that if you wanted to transform our home into Santa's workshop you're on your own darling."

"I don't recall that at all."

"Sure you don't."

Lies, I do remember him telling me that if I wanted to go the full nine yards for the holidays I'd have to do all the work since he's not, and I quote, "Feeling festive."

Stephen adjusted himself into a more comfortable position on the sofa giving whatever he was looking at his undivided attention. Huffing I resumed decorating the Christmas tree, mumbling things that would easily land me on Santa's naughty list this holiday.

Truth be told I wanted this to be something Stephen and I did together as it's our first Christmas together as a married couple. I'm also bumbed because he knows how much this holiday means to me.

Too caught up in my own thoughts I hadn't noticed that Stephen had been staring at my every move for the past five minutes before he practically snapped his fingers and turned our apartment into Christmas haven leaving me speechless.

"Really Stephen?" Crossing my now empty arms over my chest, I turned to face him. The sorcerer got up from his place on the sofa and crossed the living room to get to me with a sly smile on his face.

"Merry Christmas my love." He planted a kiss on my lips, slowly wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Merry Cristmas to you too, show off."

-----

Taglist:

@dorks2022 @sophiaedits @peakascum @anonymoustip217 @iiddaaa @panaitbeatrice @n3ssm0nique @mintphoenix @inas-thing @sketch-and-write-lover @friskae @bernthalbabe43 @trinkets01 @blackcat420 @justreadingficsdontmindme @bakingpotatoes21 @hardcoppizzasludge @tanyaherondale @creatingjana @calimoi @rootcrop @louisianalady @chrisfucksblog @thummbelina @vicmc624 @leyannrae @janaev4ns @queenofkings1212 @believinghurts @poor-unfortunate-soul-85 @stumbleonmywords @youarethereasonimsmiling @juxtaposition-exe @wanda-1 @katzenwahnsinn @v0idl1nq @winksasleeplesseye

[bygiornogiovanna]

A little Christmas gift.

-featuring jolyne

-christmas special!

Jolyne isn't a fan of Christmas. She lost the spirit years ago, but seeing you get so exicted over this silly holiday brings her so much joy;

It was your first Christmas since you moved togheter and you were going crazy with buying decorations and baking stuff;

"Jolyne, Jolyne wake up!" you basically yelled, shaking her awake. It was the Christmas morning and you couldn't wait for her to open her presents;

"Huh? What happened, what who where...?" she said confused, looking around sleepily. "Let's open the presents!" you said happily, jumping like a baby.

"Mhmm, later." she pulled you in her arms, burying her face in your chest. You whined, obviously displeased. "Come onnn, you have to be curious what Santa got you".

It took awhile to get her to get up. All she wanted was to cuddle with you, but you wouldn't shut up. Defeated, Jolyne let you drag her across the apartment, to the living room.

When she saw the amount of presents there, she was in pure shock. Of course, she got you a few little presents, like some earrings or a candle, but you went over the edge. There were like ten or eleven of them, each wrapped individually;

"Y/N, babe, you didn't have to... Those are way too many presents." poor girl was in shock, small tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "That must've cost you a lot, now I feel bad"

"Remember when you told me you haven't gotten a nice present since you you were nine? Well, I got you a present for every age you didn't get one. I hope your inner child is satisfied. And don't feel bad, you deserve them, and even more." Jolyne burst into tears when she heard you. She was so lucky to meet you.

"Come on! Open them up!" you said after wiping her tears and giving her a kiss, clapping your hands excited. So she did, opening each of them up. They went from toys to necklaces to hair dye to dog toys.

"Dog toys? For what?" Jolyne raised a brow and you giggled. "Think about it."

"But Y/N, didn't you say you got one for every single Christmas since i was nine? I don't see the fourteenth one.. I don't mean to sound ungreatful, I just feel you are planning something I don't know about." You giggled once again at her words. "Well, your present from you were fourteen is arriving a bit late, but it should be here so- Oh, there it is." The doorbell could be heard and you ran to the door.

Jolyne was more than confused. What did you do? And why did you get her dog toys?

"Merry Christmas, my darling." A deep, oh-so known voice, followed by your giggles could be heard.

The moment she saw her dad walking in the living room with a pair of reindeer horns on his head, replacing his hat and a puppy in his hands, she understood.

"First of all, what is this all about? Second of all, how did you get him to do it?" she asked and you shrugged it off. "It took a while but I did it. Now, I know that when you were fourteen and that accident with the wallet happened, mr. Kujo wasn't there. Not that he didn't want to, but he wanted to protect you from the danger. Annnd I know you wished for him to be there for you your whole childhood and I also know you always wanted a puppy so...Here you go! Merry Christmas Jolyne!"

The blonde's heart melted and she pulled you into a big hug. You were truly the best in her opinion.

Later, Anasui, F.F, Ermes, Weather Report and Emporio showed up at your door and the rest of the day was spent with your group + Jotaro watching Christmas movies and eating baked goods. What a wonderful way to spend the Christmas day.

[starfall-spirit]

The Silver-Tongued Bride

STB Masterlist

Feysandmonth Prompt: Wedding

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.

One Thousand And One Nights AU

Summary: Feyre has been selected as the High Lord's next bride, destined to die at the next fortnight's dawning. However, her intriguing retelling of Rhysand's favorite tale has just saved her life.

Until the next Death Dawn, of course.

Chapter IV: The Wedding

Feyre

For three years, Prythian had been free from its self-proclaimed High Queen. For three years, Rhysand had been selecting bride after bride to ruin and kill, perhaps as that witch had ruined him those forty-nine years. He'd confided in me once that he detested Amarantha as greatly as any other fairie stuck in that hell of her invention. I had to wonder if that's where this twisted practice was rooted. His claiming of females' freedom, often their virtue, binding them-us-as Amarantha bound him.

To Prythian for forty-nine years, Amarantha's whore.

I would not be his.

I could already hear Azriel when he caught word of who his High Lord chose this time around. "He said you were tied by the bargain, not marriage, so I let it be. I know I haven't been nearby to request your pardon, but now you're next on the chopping block and you didn't tell him you're one of mine, why?"

I would of course, before my Death Dawn came, but if I could save another girl-hopefully multiple, telling my stories-I would stay. Even if that meant warming his bed eventually. It was more rumor than fact, what Rhys expected of his Night Brides. Velaris was the capital city, and the travelers that came through my village heard were our only source of information.

Still, half said the females had their own room and didn't see Rhys beyond the wedding ceremony while others said Rhys kept them at his side, puppets at the hand of his daemati magic, serving him in one way or another day and night.

That wasn't quite the impression I got Under the Mountain, despite his puppeteering of me. Then, I never pictured him arranging something so horrid as the Death Dawn when we were freed from Amarantha.

Either way, I had my Wraith gift and daemati shielding to avoid any ill intentions. And even if it came to something sexual... Well, our moment under the mountain was admittedly pleasant. Honestly, no male I'd been with before or after compared.

A knock fell on the door and I begrudgingly opened it, grateful the dress was more practical and fluid than it had appeared on the dress form. Rhysand stood there himself. "Not waiting at the end of the aisle?"

He offered his arm. "Quite frankly, Cursebreaker, I don't trust you not to stab my guard with his own sword and run."

"Run where, Rhysand? Do you not respect my instincts enough to realize I'll be taking note of every entry, exit, and guard positioned from one side of this place to the next?"

He chuckled. "Oh, Feyre darling, I'd be disappointed if I found otherwise. Even if you do get past the guards, no one breaks my wards, short of-"

Short of Azriel's Wraith unit, nonexistent to the rest of the world.

"Yourself?" I offered sweetly.

"Yes. Only myself and the Night Lords before me are tied to these wards, as ancient as the very first to reign. The only woman who would be able to break through them without my knowing is my High Lady. My mate."

"There's no such thing as a High Lady."

He smirked. "There could be."

"There won't be, so long as you kill each bride before giving a bond the time to snap."

He didn't respond, as we had just reached the doors leading towards that dreadful aisle. That aisle hosting scattered red rose petals. I couldn't breath. Even three years after my freedom was granted, sights like this made my stomach turn.

Because red was blood.

Red was death.

Red was screaming and begging and prayers of the fae on their knees. Red was my knife flying, striking home through Amarantha's chest, rather than Elain's heart, barely giving her time to kill me. Red was now me collapsing on that white stretch of carpet leading to that picture perfect alter.

Rhysand cursed, banding an arm around my middle before my knees made impact. I winced as his fingertips pressed hard against my ribs. Breathe, before you make a fool of yourself.

Fuck, my shields.

Yes, you dropped them. Look at them. I raise my eyes, obeying for the sheer sake of not spiraling again. Not at our guests. Look at the roses. Containing a whimper, I obeyed that too, not having the strength to shove him out yet. By glamour or true replacement through his magic those roses were white. I'm sorry. What just happened was the last thing I wanted today, Feyre. I'm truly sorry, simply for lacking that consideration.

I shoved him out of my head, dismissing his pity. I took another breath, another step. Another and another until Rhysand and I were facing each other, a High Priestess nameless to me binding our hands with a wide black ribbon before taking a step back as Rhys glided through his vows with that silver tongue and as I stumbled through mine.

"I, Feyre Archeron, vow to serve and defend my court and people, my strength and dedication at my-" I swallowed.

His thumb stroked the back of my hand beneath that ribbon. "Husband's," he purred.

"-at my husband's side. At my High Lord's side I shall remain until I meet the Mother in her land of milk and honey. May my soul enter eternity."

He flinched. The ever-composed High Lord I'd wed flinched as if struck by an unexpected pain. I gasped, icing my hands to put out the kernel of flame summoned in my rising anger.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Though his face was a mask of calm I could see the whirling emotions in those violet eyes. Anger at the forefront, intrigue on its tail, and almost-giddy delight at what he could now manipulate. Twisting his hands within that ribbon, the binding pulled taut. He yanked me against his chest, holding me in place as he claimed my mouth. My right arm began to tingle and I knew without looking that I'd find ink identical to my bargain tattoo, marking me as his.

As tempted as I was to summon that fire again, I didn't risk it with six other High Lords in attendance. They hadn't bothered attending any wedding of Rhysand's beyond the first, realizing what he had fallen to.

And then they heard he set his sight on Feyre Cursebreaker. No, I wouldn't expose my gifts they passed on, because while I could escape the Death Dawn, the High Lords would stop at nothing to regain their lost power.

He finally released me, smirking as he watched me claw at the ribbon sanctifying our "blessed union". When I was confident he wouldn't stop me from marching right out of there, I stepped off the dais, immediately intercepted by Helion Spell-Cleaver.

"Two weeks every month until you die."

"I didn't realize he'd become a Bride Killer back then. I would have bargained down to one. Bargains are tricky and I won't ask for your help nullifying it. I have to figure this out. Stop other girls from getting hurt."

"You can't stop playing hero, can you Cursebreaker?"

My lips twitched. "Not yet, Spell-Cleaver."

Previous | Next

[hmgn3]

22-December 散財記録

03(sat) ・Lavender Diamond / Now Is the Time (2021, used LP) ・‎Aaron Abernathy / Epilogue (2019, used 2LP) ・辰巳哲也 / Aspects From Both Side (2001, used LP) ・Stereolab & Brigitte Fontaine / Caliméro (1999, used 7inch) ・The David Bromberg Band / Reckless Abandon (1977, used LP) ・The Corporate Image / Canadian Brass / Plumbers Union / Bud Henderson (1976, used LP) ・カールワイズマン指揮 わんわん合唱団 / わんちゃんのジングル・ベル (1972, used 7inch) 04(sun) ・Sign Libra / Sea to Sea (2020, LP) ・Ben Chatrer / What Have I Done! (2020, 7inch) ・Matana Roberts / Coin Coin Chapter Four: Memphis (2019, LP) ・Lala Lala / Sleepyhead (2019, LP) ・Horoscope / Carne (2019, LP) ・Jefre Cantu-Ledesma / A Year With 13 Moons (2015, LP) ・Blanche Blanche Blanche / Breaking Mirrors (2013, LP) ・Moon Jelly / Moon Jelly (2013, 12inch) ・Renaldo & Clara / Lila (2012, 7inch) ・Tara Jane O'Neil / Rainbow Connection/Sirena (2012, 7inch) ・Lightspeed Champion / Bye Bye (2010, 10inch) ・Gonjasufi / Kobwebz/Speaketh (2010, 7inch) ・#1 Xmas Record (2010, 7inch) 06(tue) ・Sun Ra / Cosmos (1986, used LP) 07(wed) ・SAULT / Nine (2021, used LP) ・The Whispers / Happy Holidays to You (1979, used LP) 13(tue) ・栗コーダーカルテット / 遠くの友達 (2008, used CD) ・The Lounge Lizards / Live From The Drunken Boat (1983, used LP) ・Bob Dylan / Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid (1973, used LP) 17(sat) ・Stereolab / The Free Design (1999, used 12inch) ・Lalo Schifrin / Rollercoaster (Music From the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) (1997, used LP) 18(sun) ・Carpenters / Merry Christmas Darling / (They Long To Be) Close to You (1990, used 7inch) ・Michael Galasso / Scenes (1983, used LP) ・Mark Isham / Vapor Drawings (1983, used LP) 21(wed) ・Zeena Parkins / Something Out There (1987, used LP) ・Oronzo De Filippi / Meccanizzazione (1969, used LP) 22(thu) ・Hatchback / Zeus & Apollo (2011, used 2LP) ・The Year Of / Slow Days (2006, used LP) 25(sun) ・Taro Nohara / Poly-Time Soundscapes/Forest of the Shrine (2022, LP) ・Bergisch-Brandenburgisches Quartett / Live '82 (2022, LP) ・Employee / Hold Music Vol. 2 (2021, LP) ・Anthonius / Itoigawa (2020, LP) ・Ursula Bogner / Sonne = Blackbox (2011, LP) ・Henry Threadgill Very Very Circus / Spirit of Nuff...Nuff (1991, LP) ・A.T.R.O.X. / The Night's Remains (1982, LP) ・Alceu Valença / Molhado De Suor (1974, LP) 27(tue) ・London Pavilion Volume One (1987, used LP) ・Van Morrison / Beautiful Vision (1982, used LP) ・Burt Bacharach / Reach Out (1967, used LP) 28(wed) ・麓健一 / 3 (2022, CD) 29(thu) ・Caleb Dailey / Warm Evenings, Pale Mornings: Beside You Then (2022, LP) ・Isik Kural / in february (2022, LP) ・Kit Downes / Vermillion (2022, LP) ・Cassandra Jenkins / (An Overview on) An Overview on Phenomenal Nature (2021, LP) ・Johan Lindström Septett / On the Asylum (2021, LP) ・食品まつり a.k.a foodman / やすらぎランド (2021, used LP) ・Lounge at the Edge of Town / Lounge at the Edge of Town (2021, used LP) ・Martin Rev / 3 Raw Takes (2020, used 12inch) ・Donna Regina / Star Ferry (2000, used 12inch) ・Keith LeBlanc / Stranger Than Fiction (1989, used LP) ・Angelika Maisch / Endlich Satie! (1982, used 10inch) ・The Hot Jazz Orchestra / The Hot Jazz Orchestra (1977, used LP) 30(fri) ・戸張大輔 / ギター (1999, cassette) 31(sat) ・banana / music for Shadow Ban Travel (2022, CD-R) ・Karen Dalton & Angel Olsen / Something on Your Mind (2022, used 7inch) ・Rui Maia / Botany Department (2021, used LP) ・Tortoise Remixed By Derrick Carter (1998, used 12inch) ・Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 / The Funeral Pudding (1994, used LP)

[everlarkchristmasgifts]

Day Nine: ‘Merry Christmas, Darling’

Day Nine’s prompt is ‘Merry Christmas, Darling’. A reminder, too, that you may work from any version of the song/music video - you aren’t limited by the example we provide! You have until midnight of December 18th of your timezone to post your works before the next prompt becomes active. You are permitted to post works for any previous day. To participate, you can either tag us in your posts, or submit directly to us here. Have fun!  

Lyrics under the cut:

Greeting cards have all been sent The Christmas rush is through But I still have one wish to make A special one for you Merry Christmas, darling We're apart, that's true But I can dream And in my dreams I'm Christmasing with you Holidays are joyful There's always something new But every day's a holiday When I'm near to you The lights on my tree I wish you could see I wish it every day The logs on the fire Fill me with desire To see you and to say That I wish you Merry Christmas Happy New Year too I've just one wish On this Christmas Eve I wish I were with you I wish I were with you Merry Christmas, darling

[asgardwinter]

Traditional

summary | Loki finds out some midgardian traditions that he had no idea about, and he likes it very much.

pairing | Loki x Reader

warnings | fluff, one curse word i think, some kissing and Loki being adorable (and a big tease)

word count | 1.2k

author’s note | merry christmas and happy holidays my loves! fun fact: none of these are traditions here in my country, so i rely on google and lots of christmas movies and fanfiction. anyways, i hope you like it because i loved writing it 💕

Loki Laufeyson Masterlist | Taglist | The Holiday Collection 🎄

Loki had no idea what was happening.

Even with the six month relationship with the most amazing being of the nine realms—a human with no powers and the incredible ability of knocking someone out with a pen—he was still confused about the midgardian calendar and it’s festivities. In so many years of life he never actively cared about holidays celebrated by humans, but with you being extra excited for each one of them he had a job to do.

In one month you were all about Halloween, decorating the whole compound with Wanda like there was nothing more important than the fake web made with cotton and paper bats you were sticking at the ceiling.

Then the other thing he remembered was you and your loyal companion taking all the decorations and starting with red and gold bulbs and snowflakes and so many lights.

That was exaggerating and Loki was dizzy only to look at the big Christmas Tree you put up in the compound’s living room.

“How did you get all this?” Loki asked as he passed the two of you competing on how fast you could put the golden bows, Wanda cheating and using her magic to win.

“That’s a well kept secret.” You said handing him a bunch of decorative sweet canes. “So you’ll find out with five minutes of thinking.”

And as he thought of it he understood with the suspicious look the pair received from Pepper, only for a moment and she passed by like nothing happened. She probably just linked the enormous boxes filled with decorations to the debits on one of Tony’s cards. The excuse was that the decorations were for everyone. Loki considered it pretty fair.

As Loki investigated the decorations, what intrigued him the most were the mistletoes hanging around some of the doorways. He was sure they multiplied everyday with more and more of the huge amount of doors of the compound earning the distinct decoration. He just couldn’t understand why Sam and Tony seemed to be the responsible ones for the growing population of mistletoes.

Enlightenment would only come with the beginning of december.

During one calm and incredibly cold morning Vision and Wanda happened to be standing under the mistletoe and the traditional kiss was urged by the other members of the team in the kitchen.

Wanda came closer, giving Vision every opportunity to pull away as he looked at her with shock mixed with the common adoration he used to look in her direction every day. Their kiss was short and everyone was cheering and shouting like highschoolers—nothing new around there.

Loki kept watching with curiosity and noted to search for it later. What does a mistletoe have to do with kissing? He soon found out what the tradition was about.

Kissing someone under the mistletoe.

Midgardians were funny but he wouldn’t complain about it in no way, why would he laugh at one more reason to kiss you?

Sure, Loki wasn’t one on pda and he didn’t plan on changing that, but a light peck under a doorway just passing by you? He loved the sound of that and he could blame it on the tradition.

So that’s how it started.

You were near the door answering a text from a friend and Loki saw the perfect opportunity.

“Darling you just can’t believe what I saw.” He walked until he was face to face with you.

“What?”

“I’m pretty sure I saw Barnes dedicate a bird decoration to Wilson.”

“Actually I can really see that happening.”

Loki nodded in agreement and then looked up like none of that was planned in his head minutes before. “Oh, a mistletoe.”

You looked up at him with curiosity in your eyes, trying to guess what it was about. His lips brushed slightly against yours, not nearly enough for you that were used to Loki’s usual kisses, and with a smirk he left you there looking confused in his direction.

“It’s a tradition!” He shouted as he exited the room to justify himself. That was the phrase he most said to you during that month.

In the beginning it was more subtle, Loki would avoid doing it more once a day to not alarm you too much towards his behavior, even if you were alarmed since the first time he did it. That sparkle in his eyes was of someone who clearly knew what they’re doing.

“You searched about Christmas traditions?” You asked him out of the blue one.

It was making gingerbread cookies day and you managed to get the kitchen all for you. So it was already a mess with flour to roll out the dough.

“What makes you think so?”

“Oh, let me think.” You pondered dramatically tapping your finger to your bottom lip to add to the scene and accidentally covering it with some flour from the counter. “The way you didn’t miss a single chance of pulling the card of ‘tradition’ to kiss me under the mistletoe.”

“Aren’t you thinking too highly of yourself, my love?”

“Hey! Careful with the words, please.” You forcefully slapped him on his arm.

Loki wrapped his arms around you, pulling your back against his chest and taking care to not wipe his dough covered hand on your apron that was already ruined. “That was an unfortunate joke. But answering to your question, why can’t I use your holidays in my own favour? Honestly I enjoyed every doorway I passed with you these days…”

Releasing yourself from his hug, you turned to look him in the eyes. “Loki, you don’t need to find a reason to kiss me. You can just do it, you know?”

“I wasn’t searching for reasons to kiss the person I’m dating.” Loki defended himself, looking almost offended. He wipped his hands on his neat appron. “I’ll say it one more time: I was just being traditional with midgardian holidays. It was being respectful towards your culture.”

“Oh, I understand.” You let him go with a smile and giggles escaping your lips. "Just a really traditional god."

As you turned around to wash the flour from your hands Loki tugged your wrist to make you come back, face to face with him one more time.

He did that thing that always left you melting where he caressed your cheek with his thumb right before pulling you into a slow kiss to finish the job of turning you into putty. A real kiss when compared to those he was giving you under the mistletoes around the compound.

As he broke the kiss too quickly for your taste you went to chase after his lips to keep going, you just needed a few more seconds and you felt his laugh against your lips.

“I know I don’t need an excuse, my love.” Loki said a bit more seriously, leaving a peck on your lips to prove his point. “But it seems I can blame this one on the tradition as well.” His green eyes went up, looking at something above your heads.

Just another mistletoe, you shouldn’t be surprised.

But the way he kissed you when far away from the decorated area was nothing compared to those traditional kisses, it was proof he was only messing with you.

And you loved every moment of it.

Taglists:

everything: @writing-for-marvel @ju5tyna20

Loki Laufeyson: @emi11ie @hiddlesinner @i-stand-with-loki

if your user is scored i couldn’t tag you (you can send in an ask to fix it if you want!)

[viriko]

baji + chifuyu

when you love someone (5.7k): chifuyu had 99 problems, and baji is literally all of it

drowning himself in work, chifuyu was struggling to keep his head above water, but in polaroids, ignored calls, impulsive drives, and- fuck its 12:17, chifuyu might just end the night with 99 problems, and a boyfriend

the ballad of a dove (2.9k): At the age of 7, they were running through muddy country side roads. At the age of 10, they were by the beach, living as if they're the only boys who matter. At the age of 12, he was across the world. And at 16, Chifuyu recalls Baji's birthdays through the years.

tidings you bring to the merry corner of my world (48.5k): "if you complete the nine masses, a wish of yours would be granted"

Stuck in a turmoil of a fall out friend, Chifuyu's unprepared for Baji coming back to town. Settling into the festive air comes in his turbulent feelings and the rush to make his limited time with him worth while. Along with the question, "what do you wish for this christmas?" his inexplicable urge to complete nine consecutive masses for an undisclosed wish never really made sense to him, until touches linger, eyes search for a specific figure, and only a certain name feels fit to answer what he longs for.

hanma + kisaki

to be your greatest (1.2k): hanma visits him that day, beer in hand, cigarette on the other- hed promise this once, to tell him eventually

and so as the tale goes

to begin- the story of the pierrot and the reaper

somewhere in these eyes (i am on your side) (4k): "Dance with me, darling."

The world is crumbling by their feet, but in the space of Kisaki's apartment living room, their waltz has only just begun.

[h4t08]

Here is my first story for #TurnadetteChristmas2021!

This little story is actually dedicated to two people who continuously support me; @aimee-jessica and my own darling husband. 💖💖💖

This story is called "Salt and Pepper".

“Shelagh!” Patrick aimlessly wonders through the parlor, their bags, he mentally notes, piled neatly by the door. Granny Parker had surprised the couple for Christmas with a hotel stay for three whole days. While they are away, the children, with the exception of Timothy, will stay with her. “Shelagh?”

“I’m right here.” Shelagh zips past him towards their bags with two small items clutched in her hands.

“What’s that?”

“The salt and pepper shaker,” she effortlessly replies.

His brow furrows in confusion as he follows after her. “Why do you need those?”

“The food at the hotel might be bland,” she tuts.

“But Shelagh, we will only be there for two nights. Besides,” he slyly adds, “I personally see us spending most of our time alone in our room, not sampling the cuisine.”

Her cheeks flush bright red at his insinuation. “That doesn’t mean that the food won’t be bland.”

He reaches out to stop her from stuffing their salt and pepper shakers in her cosmetic bag. “I’m sure they will have enough salt and pepper.”

“But what if they don’t,” she huffs, her eyes focused down at the small porcelain shakers they had received as a gift from Chummy and Peter. She runs the tip of her thumb nail along the ornate ‘S’.

His hands converge around her own, supporting her just as he once had in the small parish kitchen nine years and three kids ago. “Will it truly ruin your time there if they don’t have salt and pepper?”

“I’m going to miss the children,” she whispers into his chest.

His heart completely melts. “We will be back before the twenty-fourth to a house full of excited children running around in a sugar high with last minute requests to Father Christmas.”

“I know,” she murmurs. “I just want everything perfect.”

“It will be.” He kisses her forehead. “We will be able to have time for ourselves to rest and relax, which, I have on high authority, is what Father Christmas had prescribed.”

“I am still going to bring the salt and pepper shaker just in case.”

He leans down and kisses the curve of her thumb finger. “You do what you need to do so that you are at peace of mind, my darling.”

::..::.. ONE DAY LATER ..::..::

“I knew it!”

Patrick lazily peeks open his eyes to find his gorgeous wife completely naked and furiously digging through her bag. Blinking several times to help his mind to focus, he pushes himself up, the white sheet that was wrapped around him falling down into his lap. “Are you okay?”

“I had ordered us some breakfast from room service,” she throws over her shoulder. “And guess what it didn’t come with?”

He playfully rolls his eyes. “Salt and pepper?”

She victoriously holds up the small porcelain shakers and rouses, “Aren’t you happy that I brought these with me?”

“I can assure you, my darling wife, that nothing makes my heart happier than seeing you smile.”

Her arms fall down by her side as her smile widens. “Aww, Patrick.”

“Seeing you wear nothing but that same smile, on the other hand, makes my body very happy.”

“Oh, Patrick!” She rolls her eyes and throws to him the shakers, which he barely clutches between his palms and his bare chest. Picking up their plates, she gives one to him and places the other on the bedside table before slipping back into bed next to him. “You are incorrigible.”

He sprinkles some salt and pepper onto his eggs and bacon. “Merry Christmas, my darling wife.”

She takes it and lays on a thick layer of pepper over her eggs. “Merry Christmas, my dearest husband.”

The End!

[pennylanefics]

Bed Rest for Christmas - Michael Gray

a/n: merry christmas!!! i wrote this last night bc i was having feels :) hope everyone has a safe and fun day!!

Unfortunately, this year’s holiday time for you and Michael was very different. You are heavily pregnant, almost ready to pop anytime soon, and your doctor advised you to bed rest until the time comes for the birth.

But that meant spending Christmas alone, without the Shelby’s. Half of you was happy about it, happy to spend time with just Michael, but the other half hated that you were stuck in bed for the entire holiday, no festivities, no food because Michael couldn’t cook, and no spending time with loved ones.

Polly offered to bring food from the Shelby’s party over to you during dinner, so that was one plus for the day.

“I hate this,” you groan to yourself. Michael stands from the desk in the corner and makes his way over to you.

“I know, love. But it’s what the doctor said. He knows best and what you should do to stay healthy.” He sits next to you and rubs your swollen stomach, grinning when he feels your baby kick. You didn’t know the sex, both of you wanting to be surprised for when they arrive.

“It sucks. I don’t want to be wallowing around in bed while everyone else is having fun and dancing and-”

“And you are providing a healthy environment for our baby. If you go into labor too early, it could pose a danger to you and them. It’s best for you to just stay home.”

“I know, but still. I want to be there. I’m bored.” You push his hand away from your stomach and rub your face.

“I don’t know what to tell you, darling. You can’t be stressing your body out too much.” He goes back to his desk and continues working on what he was doing before.

For the time being, you read a book and write in your journal while Michael goes into the living room to look for something. Or so you thought.

“Love, you want to move to the living room for a little while? Lounge on the couch and relax?” Michael wanders back into the bedroom after half an hour or so. Sighing, you set your book down and reach for him to help you up. You slowly waddle to the living room, which was thankfully on the first level of your home, and plop down on the couch.

Michael lays a blanket on your body and makes sure you're comfortable before heading to the kitchen to make you some tea. Your eyes close for a few moments, trying to ease the ache in your body, but the silence was ruined within seconds.

“‘Ello! We heard this party needed some cheering up!” Arthur shouts as he walks into your home. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as the entire Shelby family files in.

“What are you guys doing here?” You try and sit up, but Michael is quick to push you back down, giving you a scolding look. You give him the same look back.

“Michael told us you were going a bit crazy sitting alone in bed, so we offered to bring the festivities here,” Ada smiles while rubbing your belly.

“Really?” Tommy takes a seat in the chair next to the couch and waves to you.

“We were more than happy to, (Y/N). No one deserves to feel left out on Christmas. And it’s not your fault you’re nine months pregnant.”

“Yeah, that’s all Michael’s fault,” you joke. Your husband sits at the opposite end of the couch, resting your swollen feet in his lap and handing you a cup of tea prepared just how you like it.

“Yeah, recently that’s what she’s been mad at me for,” he says.

“Well, it definitely wasn’t me producing my own sperm to get me pregnant,” you retaliate. Everyone laughs as they take their place in the living room.

“Polly and Esme should be over soon with the finished food,” John announces as he steps inside, taking a seat in front of you on the floor.

The rest of the night is just how you wanted it to go. Everyone shared laughs, shared stories, made you feel comfortable, and didn’t excite you too much. Michael had an adoring look on his face the entire night, knowing he made the right decision.

After everyone was gone, Michael helped you to the bathroom and let you relax in the warm water while he cleaned up the small mess around the house.

Once he finished, you were still soaking, so he sat with you to give you some company. He knees next to the tub and sets his hand on your bump.

“When do you think they’ll be here?” He wonders, staring at your bare skin, watching your baby’s tiny foot make a small bulge as they kicked.

“I don’t know. Polly said soon, but soon could mean tomorrow, or two weeks. My doctor said I could possibly go into the new year still pregnant, so there’s that. Who fucking knows?”

Michael laughs and leans forward to press his lips to your forehead. He lingers there for a few seconds and pulls away, resting his head where he just kissed.

“I love you,” he whispers. “I can’t wait for our little one to complete our family.”

“While you can’t wait, all I can think about is the fact that I’m going to have to push this damn baby out of me,” you complain. Michael moves back and frowns at you.

“I was trying to have a super romantic and sweet moment, and you have to go and ruin it?” Your hand reaches up to stroke his cheek while a soft smile plays at your lips.

“Well, when you’re nine months pregnant, there’s not much thought for romance when labor is on your mind.”

“Just let me have a moment?” You sigh in response.

“Fine.”

“Thank you.”

“And I love you too.”

You two share a passionate kiss, but that quickly breaks when you feel a harsh kick to your stomach.

“I think they’re feeling left out,” you murmur as your hands caress the spot where your baby just kicked. Michael’s larger hand returned to the spot it was previously on, his thumb rubbing against your wet skin.

“I love you too, baby. But you need to get here already.”

[awanderingdeal]

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time [Part 2]

Merry Christmas to all those folks who celebrate today! This one is dedicated to those of you of who are perhaps not spending Christmas in the way that you would like this year. I hope this brings you a little bit of Joy. Please note that this fic is filled with happy Christmas people so if that is going to make you feel worse then please avoid. 

Here’s your Coops instalment! Not the best thing I have ever written and it turned out to be a more Sirius and Jules interacting. Never the less, I hope you enjoy. 

Rating: T

CW: Christmas and Food talk. Very minor mention of past bad Christmas’ in the penultimate paragraph.

And again, this universe belongs to @lumosinlove and I feel incredibly privileged to be able to play in it. Thank you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t unusual for Sirius to wake up at stupid hours of the morning and apparently his insomnia made no exception for Christmas day. He rolled over to check his phone, 04:56. He wondered if he should be concerned that the only thought that his brain supplied was; hey, that’s not too bad. Sometimes if he closed his eyes he could pry out another few hours of sleep. He could tell that today was not one of the days. 

Accepting defeat, Sirius carefully teased himself from Remus' arms. He’d mastered the art of doing so without waking his fiancé up. Fiancé. It was a new thing and it still felt unreal. Remus Lupin actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. 

Sirius figured that he would make a coffee and find something to watch on the TV until it was a reasonable hour to wake Remus up. His plans were quickly scuppered. As he started to walk down the corridor, a head peaked out from one of the doors.

“Sirius?” Julian whispered, his voice filled with excitement. 

Sirius felt a smile spread across his face, “Awake already, Jules? The sun hasn’t even risen yet. What if Santa hasn’t been?” 

Julian scoffed. “Sirrrrius,” he whined. “I’m nine years old. I do not believe in Santa.”

“I know, I know,” Sirius laughed. “But it’s part of the fun isn’t it? Pretending.”

Julian grumbled, apparently too cool for all that now. “What are you doing?”

“I was going to make coffee and watch a movie. Want to join?” Sirius replied. He loved spending time with Remus’ brother. It felt like practise for when he and Remus had kids. It felt like redemption for all the things he did wrong with Regulus. It was a chance to relive the few things he had done right. And Julian was incredibly easy to bribe for stories of young Remus. 

“Can we make waffles!?” Julian asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

Sirius lifted a finger to his lips, “Not so loud, Jules.”

The boy whispered an apology, but he didn’t seem very sorry. 

“It’s okay, it’s Christmas. You're allowed to be excited. We can make waffles but only if you can tell me how. I’m a disaster in the kitchen,” Sirius answered the earlier question. 

Julian nodded his head quickly, “I know how! I can show you.”

Sirius figured reprimanding Julian’s volume again would be futile and opted to usher him down the corridor to the kitchen. He closed the door behind them in the hopes that it would provide a buffer between the excited nine year old and the sleeping adults.

“Aprons first, I think. Hope won’t be impressed if we get batter all over our pyjamas.” Sirius said, grabbing two aprons from the hook on the wall. 

Julian and he wore matching nightwear. In fact, they all did - Sirius, Julian, Remus, Hope and Lyall. It was a Lupin family tradition. Christmas Eve was board games and a brand new set of pyjamas. Sirius had had to excuse himself to the bathroom when Hope had handed him his pair. When he had returned, Lyall had looked at Sirius’ red eyes, taken his hands and said, “When are you going to realise that you are family now?”

When Sirius turned back around, he found Julian had climbed on to the counter. “Jules! What are you doing?” he panicked. This boy was going to be the death of him. 

“I do it all the time,” Julian argued. “The recipe that mama always uses is in here,” he added, his fingers curled around a thick tome. He carefully opened it to the contents page, tracing down the page until he found what he was looking for, “Page 98.” he said, holding the book out for Sirius to grab. 

“Okay, okay, just get down please,” Sirius took the book and turned it to the correct page. Perfect Every Time Homemade Waffles. The page was littered with comments and annotations, mostly in Hope’s messy scrawl. What Sirius liked the most though was that he could see the development of Remus on the page. From his childish chick scratch to the loopy cursive that Sirius was so familiar with. 

The recipe wasn't too difficult and the two of them managed to get the waffles made without too much of a disaster. 

"Jeez," Remus said from the doorway, making Sirius jump as he poured the batter into the waffle maker. 

"Re!" Julian squealed, scrambling down from his seat at the counter. 

Sirius had to give Remus credit for the fact that he didn't even flinch when Julian wrapped his flour covered arms around him. 

"Merry Christmas, Jules," Remus chuckled. "What is going on here then?" 

Sirius leaned against the counter, his smile broad as he watched Remus and Julian interact. They looked exactly the same, standing there in their matching pyjamas. They wore the same expressions of concentration as Julian explained how they were making waffles and listing off the toppings they could have. 

"Hey, Jules. Do you want to be the first to taste?" Sirius asked when the waffle maker sounded. 

"Yes! And Remus has to try too." Julian said eagerly, suddenly by Sirius's side.

Sirius caught Remus' eye and saw the same look of happiness that he knew was in his own. "Of course Remus has to try."

Soon, the waffles had been tasted and approved. They cooked up several more, piling them on to a large plate. Just as they were finishing up, Hope and Lyall appeared.

"Sleeping in until 7am on Christmas Morning. We'll keep you around Sirius." Hope greeted. "I'll even forgive the state of my kitchen."

Sirius wore a guilty expression as he looked around. Somehow, they had used almost every bowl in the kitchen, there was egg residue all over the counter tops and flour handprints on everything. "Sorry," he apologised.

"Merry Christmas, my darlings," Hope kissed Remus, then Julian and finally Sirius on the cheek. She stopped in front of him, "Don't apologise, dear. You are always welcome to make a mess in this kitchen."

“Right! Let’s get this feast onto the table,” Lyall clapped his hands together and started to grab the array of toppings that Sirius and Julian had decided upon. 

Sirius managed to find Remus amongst the chaos. He pressed a gentle kiss against his lips and sighed a happy, “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” 

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Remus said back. 

Christmas with his parents had been nothing short of a nightmare. Christmas with the Dumais had taught him what it was supposed to be like. Still despite the fact that he loved Dumo, Celeste and all the kids, he’d always felt as if he was invading somehow. 

It was early, but Sirius could already tell that here with Remus and his family - Sirius’ family too now - it was going to be different. He belonged here. He thought of the rings newly settled on his and Remus’ fingers. If Sirius had his way, he’d spend a lifetime's worth of Christmas’ here.

[waitingforasong]

"I don't care now if people look funny at me."

The man was the head of the "Talking Heads", that avant-garde band of the eighties who already thought they were on the "road to nowhere" when the intellectuals of the West didn't even know how to write postmodernism. In an interview, he explains that creativity, yes, is still possible in older age.

Interview: Gabriela Herpell

David Byrne, 52, became famous as the lead singer and head of the band Talking Heads in the late 1970s. In the 80s, Byrne mixed intellectual pop with African rhythms, Turkish or Latin American chants on many solo records. In 1991 he dissolved the Talking Heads and founded his own label “Luaka Bop". "Grown Backwards" is currently being released, a round, melodic pop work on which Byrne even interprets two opera arias. Byrne recently separated from his wife, with whom he has a 14-year-old daughter. He lives in Manhattan.

SZaW : Mr. Byrne, you changed hotels this morning. Why?

David Byrne : I run and there isn't a single green spot in Soho.

SZaW : Do you run every day?

Byrne : Three or four times a week for eight years; maybe it's nine.

SZaW : And immediately you think of your most famous video, Road to Nowhere, in which you are constantly walking. And sing too.

Byrne : At home in New York I also sing along to the music on my Walkman; I don't care now if people look funny at me. I always run along the banks of the Hudson River on the west side. How far? Simply further.

SZaW : Aha. You are addicted.

Byrne : I would say yes. When I haven't run I feel like I'm slow and I don't like that. I ride my bike a lot in Manhattan, and that gets me going too. I don't sing while riding, by the way. Too dangerous. I hum.

SZaW : This is how you started your new record. You walked around with a voice recorder and recorded everything you had hummed together.

Byrne : Yeah, and that's how the melodies became songs. Otherwise it was always the other way around, first there was the lyrics and then the music. This time it's a record that comes from the heart.

SZaW : The Talking Heads were the intellectual avant-garde, darling of audiences, critics and the art scene. They always looked a bit unwelcoming and cool, at least buttoned up.

Byrne : That is the lot of the shy; at least they seem buttoned up.

SZaW : Your new record certainly sounds warm and in a good mood.

Byrne : I admit I sang arias to open my heart to this record. It's easier to tune into someone else's songs than your own.

SZaW : Do you know the feeling: suddenly having a lump in your throat when singing soulful songs?

Byrne : Interesting. In what situation?

SZaW : When I go to church for Christmas and have to sing 'Oh you Merry', I can hardly do that because my throat hurts so much and I want to cry.

Byrne : Most people think you are in a certain frame of mind and sing or compose from it. But it's exactly the other way around: You sing, loudly, and only then does the feeling arise, through the physical act of singing!

SZaW : Now you've intellectualized the lump. It gets worse every year, by the way.

Byrne : I know. I used to always think that as you get older you get tougher and that you can protect yourself better against sentimental attacks. You are much more controlled when you are younger. That's why I called my album 'Grown Backwards'. As it goes in a Bob Dylan song: 'I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'

SZaW : So you are not only shy, you also like to be in control?

Byrne : On the one hand, yes, but I also like to lose it. There has to be control in order to function in society. But too much control alienates you from yourself.

SZaW : When does an intellectual head person like you get sentimental?

Byrne : As rarely as possible! I am terrified of sentimentality. I believe it is dangerous. It is close to kitsch, close to dangerous political ideas. Sentimentality is manipulative.

SZaW : What to do if you want to attack?

Byrne : I think I oppose what I call good taste. This is of course completely subjective, but this thought guards me.

SZaW : Are you still afraid of the beautiful melody?

Byrne : I said that once, I know. At the time, I didn't just mean myself, but the entire so-called avant-garde. We distrust the beautiful melody because, which brings us back to the topic, it can be sentimental. Kitschy. I first understood through Brazilian melodies and then through other Latin American music that it is possible to write a decent, even radical, honest pop song that has a nice melody. But in the avant-garde it is initially despised when beauty moves into the songs and thus into one's own life. If something is beautiful, it is believed, it has no substance. That is why there is so much music that is difficult to hear. Like the old talking heads music.

SZaW : But there was a song from that time with a wonderful melody: 'Heaven' from the album 'Fear of Music'.

Byrne : Thank you. But that was an exception. And it was the subject; how should the sky sound different than beautiful?

SZaW : If you look back now, weren't you also an angry young man?

Byrne : Yeah, thank god. Anger was my initial spark. If you don't like what or who you have in front of you, creativity can emerge from it, but also something terrible, destructive or self-destructive. Some then have to curb their anger with alcohol or drugs. Being an angry person isn't too much fun in the long run, and it's not a pleasant way to live.

SZaW : Are you an angry older man too?

Byrne : George Bush, for example, can make me very angry. But I'm no longer just so angry with everything, and especially not with myself anymore.

SZaW : You and the Talking Heads are closely connected to the New York art scene. How do you find it that in this city you have to pay a fine for an ashtray on the shelf?

Byrne : America is a Puritan country anyway. But now it's getting worse: a mixture of cowboy mentality and puritanism has spread. This combination doesn't make any sense at all, but it's there.

SZaW : You moved to America with your parents when you were two years old. You were Scottish by birth. And actually you seem more European. Is that how you feel about yourself?

Byrne : Somewhere in the middle. We were always a bit left out in America because, for example, we ate at home with a knife and fork.

SZaW : Oh - in stark contrast to the Americans, who only eat with their hands?

Byrne : They also eat with a knife and fork, of course, but they use the cutlery differently. First they cut everything that is on their plate into small pieces, then they put the knife away and shovel the food in with the fork that they are holding in their right hand. Funny custom.

SZaW : Could you imagine living anywhere other than New York?

Byrne : Yeah, I've looked at houses in Barcelona. In the middle of Europe, in a big city: I would like that a lot. I like being around people, even if it might seem different.

SZaW : George Bush, the strange table manners - what keeps you in America then?

Byrne : Times Square. It's an artificial world, like Disneyland. But wonderful. When I ride my bike around New York at night and see all these lights in Times Square, it makes me ...

SZaW : Sentimental?

Byrne : Happy.

SZaW : There is this moment in life when you make a decision: for a life within or outside of social norms. So one on the edge or just a more adapted one. Do you remember that moment?

Byrne : That was the day I became a father. Of course, I was also afraid that I would become stuffy and boring as a father of a family with a house. That I would never do anything interesting or exciting again, that all my creativity would say goodbye. That I will die if I don't balance on the precipice. Many creative people have such fears, move forward and then back again, believing that family life is too safe and comfortable.

SZaW : And you?

Byrne : It is possible to grow up and live in a house and still stay creative. But to do this, I have to repeatedly find myself in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations.

SZaW : How recently did you break up with your wife?

Byrne : It's not that simple to say, the separation from my wife has other reasons as well. No, I have to do something I've never done before. Because then I can also fail, because that's the important thing about it.

SZaW : So you only experiment on the artistic level, not on the private one.

Byrne : In my private life I'm probably more conservative. I don't stay up late at night, I don't climb mountains.

SZaW : Do you sometimes miss the old life, going out until late at night, balancing on the edge?

Byrne : No, that's nostalgia; again such a confusing feeling. Also, I still go to a club with friends and come home late, just not that often anymore. I do not feel like it anymore.

SZaW : Do you at least sometimes miss this desire for it?

Byrne : Going out has a social and a sexual motivation. You look for a partner, try it out and find out what kind of person you belong to. That’s behind me. I still don't know what kind of person I belong to, but I don't care today.

SZaW : A few years ago you wrote a song in which you complained about being the least popular guest at a party. Do you still know that feeling today?

Byrne : I remember it well. I've felt this way for a long time.

SZaW : Really?

Byrne : But that was fine, I didn't know the difference and I thought, that's what it feels like to be alive. Strangely, my parents were very different, they found it easy to talk to people. When I went to clubs and bars, I would stand alone in the corner and not talk to anyone.

SZaW : So it was a kind of satisfaction to become more famous than the ones you left behind ?

Byrne : No, being a pop star was more of a wonderful vehicle for getting to know people. It worked because people were talking to me. I was then able to answer, but I didn't have the pressure of having to approach strangers myself. I sang and danced on stage - I was a completely different person.

SZaW : Weren't you safer at some point?

Byrne : No, because after the gig I always turned back right away. I was only able to compensate for my shyness at times. And if I hadn't found that kind of expression, I would certainly have done something terrible at some point.

SZaW : Were you jealous of the others who took life easy and simply enjoyed themselves?

Byrne : Yeah. But I pretended to despise them for their ease.

SZaW : Didn't people think you were terribly arrogant?

Byrne : Probably. And the talking heads were also considered arrogant, arty-farty. Maybe we actually thought we were something better for a while. But we weren't that arty either, the Ramones and the Sex Pistols were more artificial than us. The hair, the clothes, everything was totally planned for them.

SZaW : Everyone tried to come up with a concept during that time. Except for Patti Smith, maybe.

Byrne : I don't think there is; Art or music that has no concept behind it. At the time, I really wanted to get rid of the conceptual idea. I had decided that we would wear our normal street clothes, that we would not have any special hairstyles, that we would just be completely normal. But even that is a concept, there is another idea behind it. There is no escape from it. You can only become more and more yourself.

SZaW : And? Have you succeeded over the years?

Byrne : Yes, I am more myself now than I was then. I try to be transparent to my audience. I used to do the opposite of that and hide behind my fictional character.

SZaW : So it got better with the shyness?

Byrne : Yeah, better. But it's not gone.

SZaW : You 're still working on that.

Byrne : You know what? Not really. I don't feel like working on it anymore. I don't want to be that much better person. Just a little bit better.

[jonah-aesthetic]

Gingerbread I Zach Herron

Zach X Reader

Plot: Y/N’s successful boyfriend invites her to his to bake Christmas Cookies.

Word Count: 2.8k

Author’s Note: The last bit is a little rushed, this isn’t edited but I hope you enjoy. Merry Christmas my Lovelies! 

Rating: 16+ (do you guys like the spicy scenes or no)

Moodboard

------------------------------------------

Inserting the brass key into the lock with a click, you pushed open your door with your shoulder. Entering your apartment on the three floor, you flicked on the lights and tossed you keys on the counter not caring where they landed. 

The entire day was stressful, the corner store was out of your favourite creamer. Next you forgot you phone at home and had to run back. You were late to work cause your hair wasn’t participating. Not to mention that Asshole that cut you off earlier. You were annoyed and ready to throw on something comfy to watch Netflix for the rest of the day.

A yellow post-it note caught your eye, Remembering it not being on the fridge this morning. Plucking it off you read the words written upon it. 

 Hey Darling, 

@ 10pm meet me at my place, we’re baking cookies. Don’t call me saying no cause I blocked you. Also there’s a gift in the fridge for you 

xx - Z 

Smiling you shook head, only Zach would make the effort of blocking you on everything so you had no other choice then to show up. You had the worst habit of denying his invitation when you weren't in the mood for it. But you’d end up regretting it five episodes in of your favourite tv show. Zach always managed to make your day better, ever since the day you meet him. 

December 10th, 2019

The aroma of the coffee shop was filled with the intoxicating smell of coffee beans and Christmas music. Third  in line all you could think about how the guy you were talking to you ghosted you. He was the first guy who found interest in you since the breakup with you ex- boyfriend. The bastard used that to his advantage just to get laid. Knowing you were fairly vulnerable and desperate to feel any connection again. What- 

“What can I get you?” The leathery voice asked, 

Without realising you moved up on the line, slightly embarrassed you wondered how many times he had to ask you. “Just a large coffee, three sugar, three cream.” You spoke with a small smile, what could you say. you had a sweet tooth and hated the bitter taste of black coffee. 

“$3.78.” His bored tone was heard, 

Nodding you reached into your purse for your wallet. searching you found two quarters, one dime, two nickles and no sign of your back card. Of course not you left it on the coffee table after buying a book online. Your dumb ass never put it back home. 

“Fuck.” You say more to yourself, but you knew it was heard my others close by. Looking up you smiled apologetically at the barista. “Funny story- 

“Here, I got it.” a smooth memorising voice cut you off,  you watched as some guy reached over your shoulder to pay. Not just any guy with that perfect bone structure a fucking god, okay maybe that was too drastic, but you didn’t think it was. 

“No, You don’t have to.” You spoke trying to push him away, but it was too late his card reached the machine chiming happily. 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s my pleasure honestly.”  His smile sucked the breath out of your lungs. His brown eyes were watching you, wondering what emotions were going through your pretty little head. Taking his hand out of the pocket of his slacks, reaching it towards you. “Zach” 

“Y/N” You smiled back at him, connecting your right hand in his. They were warm to the touch and significantly larger then your delicate one. The thing that intrigued  you most about him was his un-denying classic style he held. Wearing a beautiful button down, which had four different black and white patterns. Two buttons undone, just enough for his defined chest to peek through. Tucked into a pair of black striped slack as he wore black oxford shoes, pulling the entire look together. He was formal, yet he wasn’t and you found it fucking attractive. 

After Zach requested his order and paid you both caught onto a conversation. Waiting for your drinks, he was funny and from what he was telling you talented too. Collecting your beverages he offered to take a seat with you, and you definitely weren't denying that offer. Talking with Zach you forgot all about Chase, or was it Chance? Who cared he wasn’t important anymore. 

You had no idea how long you talked before the barista who served you earlier kicked you out. You switched numbers and he asked if he could walk you home. It was dark and you didn’t necessarily want to walk alone down town.

Sticking the note to the counter you hopped in the shower washing away the filth of the day, changed into leggings and a hoodie that once belonged to him. Locking up the apartment you got into your car and began driving to Zach’s house. Feeling giddy you forgot about the candy bar settling inside the fridge. 

Arriving you walked through the front, glass doors sliding open like they always had for you. Reaching into the lobby you caught the eye of Julian who had been sitting behind the hostess’ desk. Green eyes staring he smiled, “Well if it ain’t little Mrs. Herron.” Greeting you with the nickname he gave you eight months ago. Nonetheless it still made your cheeks heat up at the thought of marrying the boy one day. 

“Hello to you too Julian.” You reply, heading straight to the white elevator. Pressing the silver key card against the scanning pad. It was a gift given on the same night you planned on offering your apartment key to him. You both laughed at how connected your mindset really was. 

Dinging the elevator opening speaking mechanically to you. “Good evening Y/N, and Happy Holidays.” Walking in you whispered a small thank you like you’ve always had. You still weren’t use to how luxurious the apartment-plex was, Only feels like yesterday was the first time you agreed to come over. 

Letting the elevator engulf you with hushed Christmas music. There were no buttons embedded on the side. All the information it needed was packed into the chip within the card. All that was plastered on the wall was a screen, counting down the seconds it took to reach his pent house.

Zach’s success as an artist never bothered you, never made you feel less then him. He’s never once made you feel that way with him, especially when you two fought in the dead of the night. He’s even asked for you to move in, but you liked you place. Liked your own space.The luxury of his life could be a little much for you at times. 

Dinging the elevator door exposed Zach’s apartment, lights were dimmed showing off the string of Christmas bulbs scattered about. Home Alone displaying on the t.v above the crackling fire place. Candles lit emitting of the scents of pine and peppermint mingling perfectly together. Christmas decor still intact from when you placed it with Zach’s help last week.  Staring at the atmosphere your boyfriend created you wondered where he was. 

“Zach?” Your voice travelled through the pent house like a maze. With no response you decided to look for him yourself. Entering his room you spotted pyjamas atop his silky black duvet, Another note rest a top. 

Just put these on for me 

xx -Z

Plucking the note you unfolded them, a white crop top and a pair of red pyjama bottoms. With all nine of Santa's reindeer’s names written in white all over them. You couldn’t help but smile like an idiot, he had a chill night planned for the both of you. Since he knew you weren’t one for big crowds, you were blessed to know he understood that. 

Stripping in the middle of his room you changed into the Christmas pjs. Tossing your clothes into the corner of the room you ventured off to find him. Wasn’t too long before you spotted him in the kitchen, in matching Pyjamas dancing to the Christmas music. That right there was the love of your life and you wouldn’t change it for the world. 

“Hey hot stuff!” you holler over the music, he stopped instantly at you voice, looking up he breaks into a stunning smile. “ I didn’t here the elevator.” His brown eyes a little apologetic, “You also didn’t here me call for you. Too busy lost into the Christmas feel.” you tease him. 

“Here, I made you this.” Grabbing a red mug off the counter he stalks towards you. Towering over you small height, he places the hot coco in your hands. The hot beverage topped with whipped cream, cinnamon, and a candy cane melting into the side of it.  You didn’t think your words could manage the gratitude you felt from him. Placing you unoccupied hand around his neck bringing him to your lips. You kissed him, a soft and slow one. He tasted like hot coco and candy canes. 

“I could never get use to the way you kiss me in appreciation.” He says after you let go of his neck. 

“I Don’t feel like my words are enough, not like the way you sing them.” 

“Your words are everything to me, but I’d definitely prefer the kissing.” Zach winks, flirting with you like you two were still best friends. Walking backwards to the island he did a once over of your body, and a second time. His brown eyes travelled from head to toe drinking every inch of you in. You laughed and rolled your eyes at him, shaking your head a little. He always flirted with you, he never saw the reason to stop. Zach found you breathtakingly beautiful and wouldn’t let you forget it. 

Drinking the glorious hot coco he made you, your eyes watched at he started prepping the ingredients. His moments were sly and simple yet attractive, you still couldn’t grasp the thought of him being yours. The man practically got on his  knees till you said you’d be his girlfriend. 

“So are you just going to stare at me the whole time or help me?”  His eyes never lost focus as he caught you red handed admiring the way this hands moved. Your cheeks flushed, trying to hide yourself behind the cup of hot coco. The man could flirt with you but the moment he catches you staring you burn up like a tomato. 

“I wasn’t.” You mumble into your beverage, hoping it hide the quiver in your voice. It failed. 

Dark chuckle emits into the air, “I love the way I affect you.” Still trying to hide into your cup, you couldn’t see the way he prowled over to you. His brown eyes a little dark and his expression a little sharper. You gasped once his hands came in contact with your skin. Goosebumps arisen on your waist as he backed you up against the counter, lifting you atop it. 

You let him pull the mug away as he looked into your eyes, seeing every piece of you. Separating your knees he slide between your legs. Pulling you closer against him, you locked your ankles around his waist. He held your chin in his hands you felt every muscle, every vein, and every bone in his left hand. Placing his thumb on your chin he pried back your bottom lip. 

Your core throbbed between your legs feeling the sexual energy flowing in his blood. You were putty in his hands like you’ve always had been for him, only him. You released a whimper at the growing tension, wanting him to do something, anything. Moving closed to you, his mouth swerved past you lips and to your ear. Breathing against your neck sending shivered down you spine.

“I want to fuck you, but right now I want to make cookies with you.” He whispered softly and you could hear the teasing smiled on his lips. Just like that the burning in your core vanished like thin air and replaced with disappointment. That fucking brick, he’s done it multiple times before. yet you still haven’t learned. 

“Okay lets go.” You grab his hand, hopped of the counter and pulled him to the kitchen island. Showing no weakness, no emotion, no trace of the way he affected with his prickery.  Zach was bewildered by your response, nonetheless let you lead them. 

There was no effort needed into making the dough as Zach had measured everything out correctly.  While slinging along with the Christmas music you combined the wet ingredients and Zach did the dry. You’d never forget this moment with him, sneaking glances while you made gingerbread cookies with him.  

Wasn’t too long before combining both mixing bowls into a larger one, placing that one under the mixer. Watching the dough as it mingles everything together creating a beautiful brown and soft cookie dough. It was mesmerising to watch honestly. 

Distracted with the dough you couldn’t feel the tight hold of Zach’s eyes on you. Watching every muscle, the way your lips twitched with happiness. How your calm breathing expanded your chest. The motion of your fingers riming the brim of the mixing bowl. The way the light in the kitchen beamed off your hair, making the shade brighter. 

“I love you.” His voice sounded hazy, lost in the thought of you. 

Surprised you whipped your head in his direction, a giddy smile upon your lips. He leaned against the counter, sipping hot coco out of a forest green mug with ‘Merry’ written in white. You realised your mug and his had been a matching set, as yours had the word ‘Christmas. 

“I love you too.” It was as if the words were yanked from your soul. Maybe it was in the moment or you knew that you truly loved this man with your whole heart. But you let yourself say it and you didn’t feel the need to apologies. Zach responded with an ear to ear smile, no words and you were thankful for that. 

From there it didn’t take too long before the dough was plop on the island and rolled out. Gingerbread cookie cutters dug into it softly, before they were laid down on a cookie sheet. Then pushed inside the oven to be baked. 

“Speaking of cookies, I got you a gift.”  Looking into his doe brown eyes you held in a laugh. “How do those even connect?” You asked him, raising your eyebrow and crossing your arms accusingly at him.

“They don’t, But I got you one.” He pulls a small white box with a stunning red ribbon on top from behind his back . Small meant it was either a give card or jewellery, with him it always had been expensive. Which you were grateful for but you’d rather the small gift. Deep down you didn’t want to feel like a burden, Zach has done so much for you already.

“It’s not Christmas yet.” You managed to get out. 

“Does it have to Christmas for me to get my girlfriend a gift?” He asked his voice smooth and sounding like home. Shaking your head gently you say “No, I guess not.” It would making you feel less guilty if it had been. 

Taking the small box into your hands you watched his brown eyes light up. Starring at the little bow atop, you pulled the lid Revealing a gift that was neither what you assumed. Inside was a golden card sitting on green velvet, Not just any card, a card that was identical to his pent house key card. Grasping it into your grip you saw the small detailing. Matte background with a shinning luxurious car and letters that spelled your name. 

“What’s this?” You ask having a good idea, but you wanted confirmation.

“Key card for the parking garage.” You could spy the hesitation and anxiety swimming in his eyes. You wondered how long he’s had this tucked away. Waiting for the exact right moment to ask you again. 

“Yes.” 

“Will you move in with me?”  his words were forced from his lips like he was awaiting your denial. “I made my office into one for you, your own space. It’s all yours if you want it.” He continues not hearing your answer over his hammering heart. That explained why he kept it locked for the last two months, you never questioned it since this was his house.

“Yes” you smile, knowing you made the right choice for the both of you.”...but you didn’t have to do that Zach.”  He engulfed you in a hug and you latched onto him like it was the last time you would see him. Holding you tight to his chest you could feel his lips kiss the crown of your head. 

“Really?” His slow question vibrated against his chest where your head was laying. you moved to catch his eyes with yours, to make sure he heard you. “Yes, You’re my forever Zach.”