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#dean has self-worth issues
It’s so Good to See You
Summary:  Cas starts answering the phone with "Dean! It's so good to hear from you," making Dean feel special. After the Empty, Dean is devistated, but he copes. He almost loses it when Cas comes back saying "Dean! It's so good to see you."
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Dean wasn’t used to people being excited to hear from him. Usually, he brought bad news and stress, he didn’t really call for the hell of it. Sam would answer the phone with a “Yeah?” or “What’d you find?” Dad wouldn’t even say anything, just saying the bare minimum as Dean explained the situation.
So, when Cas answered the phone with, “Dean! It’s so good to hear from you,” Dean really didn’t know how to respond.
All that came out of his mouth was, “Oh. Well. Good.”
Probably had to be the least eloquent, dumbest response he had ever given, but Cas had taken him totally off guard. Good to hear from him? Since when?
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trenchcoatimpala · 8 months
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Touch me, I'm starved
I wrote a horrific little thing for my friend over on Twitter. This one is not for the faint of heart as it deals with some heavy stuff. So please do be mindful. I put a trigger warning in the tags. You can find it on ao3 or you can read below. This is definitely rated E.
Dean was fifteen the first time he ‘tried something’ for money. He’s not proud of it, but he needed the cash for food and Sam had a field trip to an amusement park that called for a couple bucks that he really didn’t have. After he followed a balding man back to his skeevy motel room, and landed himself forty bucks, he couldn’t find it in himself to fully regret it. Sam had food to eat and he got to go on roller coaster rides with his friends. 
Dean was twenty-two when he started caring more about having someone who thought he was desirable than the paycheck that came afterwards. Some business man, in a sharp suit that could probably fund Sam’s whole college career, offered to buy him a drink; Dean pointedly ignored the wedding ring on his left hand as he accepted. The alcohol was the good stuff and after two drinks he was tipsy enough to lean into the man’s hand where it rested on his thigh. 
“Wanna get out of here?” the man breathed in his ear; Dean could smell the rum on his tongue. 
The answer was easy. “Yes.” 
Dean stumbled when he stood, but strong hands wrapped around his waist and carefully led him outside and into a car. The man’s hand stayed on his leg for the whole drive and Dean smiled happily at the feeling. It was nice, he thought, to be cared for. 
Inside the man’s apartment, he let himself be used. The man’s tongue slipped down his throat, needy hands grabbed at his jeans and pushed them from his hips. Dean did his best to reciprocate, trying to tug the man’s suit jacket from his shoulders, but his efforts were pushed away. And that was okay, Dean was more than fine to let the man ravage him in any way he pleased. It was nice, he thought, to be wanted. 
They ended up on a bed, eventually. Two bodies craving the intimacy of one another. The man was naked now too, his hard cock leaking as he leaned over Dean. He said something that sounded like “pretty slut” but he couldn’t really hear him over the feeling of floating. It was nice, he thought, to be unburdened.  
 Dean wasn’t sure when it got rough. The man got more eager, flipping him over on the bed and jamming a finger into his ass without any warning. Dean grunted in surprise, pain momentarily dulling that floaty feeling he’d been getting used to. The man shoved a second finger in and Dean could hear him jerking off behind him. He was pretty sure he wanted it to stop, that he didn’t like this anymore, but something in the back of his mind shushed him when it started to feel good again. “Good little whore.” It was nice, he thought, to be useful. 
When the man pushed in, Dean knew he wasn’t nearly ready enough. It burned, a searing pain that had him crying out, but the man shoved his head down into the mattress. His nose pressed against the duvet and it hurt and he couldn’t breathe; the man kept going. He wanted to struggle, to flee and return back to his mold-ridden motel room, but he didn’t have anybody there. Sam was at school and John was on a hunt and Dean didn’t have any reason to be anywhere but right here. “Oh yeah, oh yeah,” the man grunted, his fingers tightened in Dean’s hair, pulling hard. Dean’s whimper was lost into the soft white of a duvet that cost enough to feed him and Sam for two weeks. The man’s hips stuttered and he could feel something warm leak inside of him. He felt full. “So good.”  It was nice, he thought, to be praised. 
The man finally let him up and Dean gasped for air, eyes watering as he sucked in shuddering breath after shuddering breath. He didn’t want to look at the man, his eyes focused on a picture propped up on the nightstand of a smiling woman. She had blonde hair. Dean’s Mom had blonde hair. He drifted, the pain faded and tugged that fullness away with it until he was nothing but empty and lost in the dark. 
A rough hand shook him and his clothes were shoved into his arms as he was told to leave. Dean dressed himself in a daze, his vision blurring in and out as he buttoned his jeans and stepped into his shoes. The door was shut in his face and a twenty dollar bill floated down to the floor. He hadn’t even asked for money.
The next time it happened, it was a woman. She had wavy red hair and smelled of daisies and mint. She kissed at his neck and let him mouth at her breasts; she let him touch. “That’s it, baby,” she purred as she stroked him to full hardness. He bit on his lip, keeping in a whimper. Her free hand thumbed at his mouth, pulling his lip free from his teeth and pushing her thumb inside. Dean sucked at it, closing his eyes as she seated herself on him, inching down slowly until a moan was dragged from his mouth.
He gripped at her hips, pulling her closer, and she went. She kissed his face, his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, and he sighed into it all. When she moved, he tried to move with her but she laid him down gently, moving her hands to push his wrists into the bed. “Let me do the work, baby.” So, he stayed where she held him, watching as her hair fell behind her back and her breasts bobbed with her movements. Her mouth opened to form an “O” as she sank into a rhythm. 
Dean could feel a tightness pooling in his gut and he arched away from the bed, chasing the high he knew was about to come. “Please,” he panted. 
“So close, baby, so close,” she whimpered. 
“I need-” Dean gasped. “I’m gonna-” 
One last thrust and Dean was spilling his load. The woman quickened her pace, riding his aftershocks into oversensitivity. It began to hurt, but she was so lost in her pleasure and Dean couldn’t say he minded watching her. Eventually, she came, clenching around him as she moaned, loud and obscene. 
“You were such a good boy,” she breathed out, opening pretty brown eyes to gaze down at him, caressing his face with her soft fingers. 
It was nice, Dean thought, to be looked at like he was worth something. 
She let him stay. He slept in her bed, all tucked in and warm. She kissed him in the dark, a lazy battle of tongues as she whispered praise into his ear. In the morning, she let him sleep in and made him a hot breakfast of oatmeal and pancakes. When his stomach was sated, she tugged him into the shower and gave him a blowjob against the white tiled wall, and didn’t even ask for anything in return. When he told her he should go, she kissed him goodbye and said he was welcome back anytime. Dean left feeling lighter than he’d felt in years. 
He started to crave the warmth of someone else’s bed. He sought after men and women alike. He let them buy him drinks, let them get him too drunk to say no, not that he was going to anyway. He was pretty sure a man slipped something into his drink once, but the night felt like bliss so he wasn’t sure he was allowed to complain. More often than not, it was just that, bliss, but sometimes… it wasn’t. 
One night, there was a group of three guys who took him out back into the piss-drenched alleyway by the dumpsters of a bar. Dean was drunk, so maybe there weren’t three of them, but one guy couldn’t have held his arms and legs down so there had to be more than one person. Unless he was imagining that too. There was nothing gentle about how the man behind him handled him. He was pinned to the ground, his struggles futile, all he could do was try to keep his face from pressing into a tepid puddle of what he assumed was water but smelled like a mix between urine and alcohol. 
There was no warning, no preparation, the man shoved his way inside him with a grunt as he bottomed all the way out in one thrust. “Oh you’re so tight for a whore.” 
Dean cried out, tears springing immediately to his eyes, but a hand was slapped over his mouth and all he could do was wait it out. He hoped he would black out from the pain. 
A man took him home that night when he stumbled back into the bar, buying himself another drink so he could try to forget what had happened. He came up beside him, a hand sliding along his back, as he asked if he wanted to come with him. Dean didn’t have anywhere else to go; he said yes. 
The man wanted Dean to fuck him so that’s what he did. And the man let him stay. Making him eggs and toast in the morning and offering to drive him anywhere he needed to go. “Just back to the bar,” Dean told him. His motel room was a short walk from there.
When Dad went missing, Dean left it behind for a while. But he still sought out people sometimes, between cases and injuries, just to feel that spark again. Sam disapproved, but he didn’t get it. Nobody would get it. It was an addiction that he couldn’t fully put to bed; that feeling, that comfort. 
“Really, Dean?” Sam sighed when the motel room clicked shut as he walked through it after a night spent with a hot chick who’d bought him three beers. 
“What?” he asked, shrugging off his coat; he could still smell her lavender perfume.
“You don’t think maybe you have a problem?” 
“You just don’t get the finer things in life, Sam,” Dean replied, before heading off to take a shower. 
The case was taking a few more days than they thought it would and Dean headed back to the same bar he’d found that woman in the night before, hoping to score again. What he saw instead, was a young boy, maybe twenty, maybe younger, sitting at the bar counter, smiling a charming grin at a portly bearded man who had his hand rubbing along the boys’ thigh. Something ugly twisted in his stomach, bile rising into his throat as he realized what was happening. 
In a few strides, he was at the counter, roughly pulling the man away. “Hey, pal, why don’t you call it a night, huh? I’m sure your wife is wondering where you are.” 
“Who do you think you are? Tryin’ to tell me what to do,” the man snapped.
Dean squared his shoulders, ready for a fight. “I’m the guy who’s telling you to get lost.” 
“What? You want him?” he asked, gesturing towards the kid who was slumping into his drink. 
“Yeah, actually. I do,” Dean replied. 
The man looked up at Dean and then back at the boy and he seemed to count his losses. “Whatever,” he muttered, stumbling drunkenly away. 
Dean took the empty spot at the counter next to the boy. He rested a hand on the kid's shoulder, gently shaking him awake. “Hey,” he said softly.
The boy blinked at him through hazy eyes. “Who’re you?” 
I’m you, twenty years from now, he wanted to say.
“Doesn’t matter. Here,” he said instead. Pulling out his wallet, he took all the bills from it and tucked it into the kid’s coat pocket. “Buy yourself a warm meal and a night at the motel. Don’t go wasting yourself on grunts in a bar. You’re worth more than that.” 
The boy stared at Dean in surprise. “Thanks, mister.” 
Dean waved his hand in dismissal. “Don’t sweat it. Keep your nose clean, kid,” he said, before he backed out of the bar. 
It was nice, he thought, to begin to heal.
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raevenswritingdesk · 1 year
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The Women in White - Chapter 1: Prologue
(Series 1, Book 1 of Wayward Sons: a Supernatural re-imagining)
Warnings: supernatural themes, violence, blood and gore, graphic depictions of violence, death, character death
Summary: Estranged brothers Sam and Dean Winchester were trained by their father John from a young age how to hunt the creatures of the supernatural. Years later, the night before Halloween, Sam is visited by his older brother. Turns out, their father has mysteriously disappeared on a recent hunting trip. The creature in question? The same monster that killed their mother, 22 years ago. A darker alternate re-imagining of the pilot episode of Supernatural. The Winchester boys you love, but just a little to the left of how you know them.
Notes: Soooo turns out this is the first thing I'm posting to ao3 on this account (and this tumblr writing wise) and what better way to kick it off than with what's most likely going to be a rather lengthy series if I actually commit to it and don't give up halfway through (fingers crossed that doesn't happen lol). This primarily started out as a writing exercise; a passion project and a way for me to explore my writing style in a creative way through one of my favourite shows. I'm an aspiring author and what better way to practise my skills and prepare myself for (hopefully) the future than to do a re-write/re-imagining of the series that still has the internet in a choke hold even years after its rather…uNique ending shall we say. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to go about this just yet, whether i do it episode-by-episode of every episode, or if I just focus on main plots but we'll see how this first episode goes and figure it out from there, shall we? Let me know what you think and let's go on the shitty joyride together :)
Next ->
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November 2nd, 1983…
During the day, John and Mary mainly kept to themselves, but if you were to ask any neighbour, any at all, they would all tell you stories of how lovely the young couple were. They were quiet and kind, and were more than happy to raise their two young boys that way in the peaceful American suburbia. To an outside eye they appeared like the perfect happy family.
If only things were that simple.
Mary Winchester loved her boys. With all the tragedies the young mother had faced in her life, the smile on their little faces whenever they looked at her was the blessing she never knew she craved, but that she'd give anything to have again and again. As she carried her eldest into the family nursery that night he sported this very smile; eyes a little dreary from sleep but happy. Oh so happy
“Come on Dean,” she whispered, flicking on the lights. “Let's say goodnight to your brother.”
The young boy had already stirred, turning his small body towards the the door as she set the older of the two sons down, his previous fatigue withering away as he perked up and ran to the wooden crib across the room.
“G’night Sammy,” Dean smiled, leaning over the side of the crib to kiss his brother's forehead.
Resting her hand on his shoulder, Mary leaned over the crib to kiss her baby boy as well, brushing his fine hair back as she did so. “Goodnight my love.”
“Hey Dean,” a masculine voice called from the doorway, causing the pair to turn.
“Daddy!” Dean squealed, running to his father who scooped him up in a tight squeeze; his dark hair messy and eyes sullen from the day's events, but a loving expression plastered on his face nonetheless.
Whilst Mary was all freckled smiles, wild  blonde hair and even wilder eyes that had seen much more than their owner would admit, her husband was the exact opposite. John was smoke and whiskey, dark features and even darker clothes, with eyes that screamed ‘get back’, but if examined close enough, held an aspect of warmth and playfulness that threatened to melt that cold exterior away. And it was that warmth that Mary saw as he played with the sandy haired boy in front of her, holding him upside down by his feet as he giggled in protest.
“So what do you think Dean? John chimed, bouncing the now upright boy on his hip. “Think Sammy here’s ready to toss around a football yet?”
Dean just laughed in response, shaking his head. “No Daddy.”
“Thought not,” John chuckled.
“You got him?” Mary whispered, passing the two on her way out of the room.
“Yeah, I got him.”
John hugged Dean closer to his chest as he reached for the light-switch.
“Sweet dreams Sam” he spoke, voice softer than a whisper as the room went dark, not noticing as he walked away that the small night light next to his son's bed had begun to flicker. Or that mere moments after he left, that the clock behind his crib would fail to ever tick again.
Mary awoke to the sound of static, with flickering lights gracing her vision as she stirred. Turning to face the baby monitor on her nightstand, she groaned; a familiar concoction of love and annoyance settling in as she rubbed her eyes. 
“John?’ she called out, before turning with a sigh to see the right side of their bed unoccupied.
Making her way down the hall, Mary began to shiver, her white nightgown failing to keep out the sudden chill of the house. Did we leave a window open?
As the young mother opened the door to the nursery she noticed her husband had already beat her to it; his tall silhouette standing over their child's bed, cradling the little bundle of blankets in his arms.
“Is he hungry?” she yawned, leaning against the door frame as her drowsiness caught up with her.
The man, obscured by the shadows of the night-lit room, turned; raising a slow and precise finger to his lips without taking his eyes of of baby Sammy.
“Shh.”
Part of her wanted to protest, but with her limbs too tired to comply, all that came out was a soft chuckle.
“Well, all right, join me when you’re done.”
Turning back the way she came, Mary only got about half way down before something caught her eye, a light; its bulb flickering in and out like a rhythmic heartbeat in the night. Curious, she approached it and hummed, tapping on the glass until the pulsing steadied. Squinting at the bulb skeptically, Mary turned her attention to the stairwell across from her, strange lights once again grabbing her eye as she noticed faint light bleeding out of the living room downstairs.
Frowning, Mary made her way down the steps to investigate. First the bulbs and now this? She thought to herself. We only just replaced them and no one should be down here, has the TV decided to quit too?  Poking her head around the corner, the mothers frustration turned into relieved sigh as before her lay John sprawled out in his recliner with some old war movie murmuring on the TV to an unconscious audience.
John must have fallen asleep watching it she thought, smiling and reaching for the remote to turn it off. She was about to fetch a blanket to tuck the sleeping man in before it dawned on her.
Wait…
If Johns down here…
Then who was upstairs?
Without a second thought, Mary Winchester rushed back up the stairs, not caring when she tripped on her dress or missed a step; not bothering to wake John in her panicked dash.
“Sammy! SAMMY!” she screamed, heart racing as she flung open the 6-month-old’s door once again. She was about to yell again, fear consuming her thoughts when she suddenly stopped short at the scene before her.
It was only then that John Winchester woke, startled to life by the sound of his wife screaming from the floor above.
“Mary?” John called out, taking in his surroundings as the eager pull of sleep left him.
Silence. 
“MARY!”
The young man erupted from his chair, paying his aching limbs no heed as he scrambled up the stairs to his wife's aid. Bursting through the once again closed nursery door he was greeted with an empty room; no occupants except for tiny Sam in the corner, seemingly untouched.
“Mary?” he called again, soft and pleading as he cautiously entered the room.
Approaching Sam's crib slowly, he leaned over to check on the young boy, stroking his head. “Hey Sammy, you okay?”
Suddenly, something dark and damp landed on the sheet next to the boy's head, causing John to falter. He reached across to touch it - wet and warm - and as he did so two more droplets fell on the back of his hand, the dark crimson staining his skin as he realised what it was.
Blood. It was blood.
John felt his breathing hitch as he dared glance at the ceiling above, not sure what to expect, and not in any way prepared for the horrific truth.
There on the ceiling, sprawled out like a lifeless doll, was Mary; the stomach of her once ivory nightgown, now a bloody scarlet. Her once bright eyes now glazed over and wide in a forever frozen state of shock.
The man fell to his knees, his trembling body no longer able to hold his weight as he struggled to breathe. The figure was limp and pale - barely human - but it was unmistakably her.
“No! Mary! NO! ” he cried, as the fresh blood continued to drip down on the room from above, as if the universe were making a morbid mockery of his tears.
Sam began to whine in the crib behind his father as the ceiling of the nursery suddenly ignited, hungry flames engulfing the form of his mother. 
John just stared, his body frozen in place as his voice died in his throat; unable to do anything but watch as the woman he loved disappeared from view in the raging fire.
The young father, grieving too fast and too soon, only barely snapped back to his senses as Sam's cries turned into wails, scooping the young boy up hastily on shaking legs and bolting out of the smoking room.
Rushing from the scene behind him, John managed to all but knock over Dean, who had left his room to investigate the matter, hair still tousled from sleep.
“Daddy?” the young boy murmured, his tiny voice placid, yet full of concern.
Without answering, John shoved Sam into Dean's arms in a panic and grabbed him by the shoulders.“Take your brother outside as fast as you can Dean you hear me? As fast as you can and don't look back! Now go, Dean, GO!” 
Dean simply stared up at his father for a moment, a thousand emotions stirring in his small head all at once. But with one look at his baby brother - small, defenceless, and clearly distraught - he nodded, taking off down the stairs as John turned towards the fiery room once more.
With a shaking breath, he called his wife's name one last time, before running head first into the flames.
As Dean burst his way through the front door he wasn't sure which was louder; the cries of his brother or the approaching sirens in the distance. The 4 year old was just as concerned, and just as distraught, but he didn't show it. He didn't know what was happening and he didn't know what this all meant but that didn't matter right now. Instead, he simply focused on comforting his baby brother against his chest.
“Shh it's okay Sammy,” he whispered, gazing up at the fire now blazing out of the nursery window. “It's gonna be okay.”
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howldean · 7 months
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i need more fics where cas is “more” traumatized than dean
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payphoneangel · 1 year
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the finale was bullshit for a lot of reasons but one thing i feel like we gloss over is that series finale Sam would be an absolute dog shit father.
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dreamofbecoming · 1 year
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god if i was ever unsure if i had a blorbo type or not imprinting on steve harrington sure has fucking cured me of that
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creatorofarcadia · 2 months
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It's been a while since I watched Supernatural, so don't take my opinions as gospel or anything. But I think Dean is self-hating to the point of narcissism in some ways. Don't get me wrong, I empathise with Dean and understand why fans largely do too. But his self-loathing warps his perception and becomes the centre of EVERYTHING and at times that really has ripple effects on those around him - particularly Sam.
Take their childhood, Sam has a right to mourn the fact that he didn't get a normal childhood. He's allowed to be angry that he didn't get a home, a present father, a stable community, and consistent education. But whenever Sam attempts to express his complicated feelings about his childhood, Dean immediately interprets it as ' oh I was supposed to look out for you. Are you saying I failed? Are you confirming I'm worthless?' which grinds the conversation to a complete halt. Because of Dean's intense self-criticism, Sam can never really be 100% honest with him or ask for support with his own issues, especially regarding their childhood. As anything outside of 100% gratitude just becomes another stick for Dean to beat himself with, and the conversation is immediately derailed.
Not only does Deans self-hatred mean that Sam's expression of his own experiences are pretty consistently shut down. In some ways, I think Dean strips Sam of his autonomy - he's so self-loathing, he sees every decision Sam makes as being about/a reaction to him. A good example of this is Stanford. Rather than understanding Stanford for what it was, an attempt by Sam to carve out a better life from himself and escape hunting. Dean views it as betrayal or abandonment, some re-affirmation of his own belief that he's not worth caring about. Rather than understanding it's a rejection of hunting, he sees it as Sam rejecting him. To Dean, Sam isn't attempting to find a better life, he's punishing the family.
Overall, it's interesting that people largely and rightfully sympathise with Dean due to his self-hatred. However, I don't see as much discussion about how his self-hatred doesn't just hurt him, it hurts those he's close to, as it colours his interpretation of their every action. Dean's self-loathing is always the biggest thing in the room and that has consequences.
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sp0o0kylights · 1 month
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I started writing an enemies to lovers Steddie fic that starts off as Tommy/Steve/Carol with this prompt except Im tired and I lost the plot lmao so instead let me float the images of:
Modern college town AU featuring frat president Steve, who's been convinced no one will ever really love him by his parents, his past relationships, and Tommy & Carol. The latter not only "date" him but regularly use him and his money by utilizing his self worth issues against him.
Hes barely scrapping by in class, kind of wants to pick up a side job to get out from under his parents financial thumb, and enjoys talking shit with his sort of new friend Robin at a retro vinyl store, but with Tommy and Carol reporting back to his parents/the frat he's not able to take up Robin's offer to work there with her.
The frat keeps him busy the rest of the time--he's a legacy, and several members are deeply entrenched into a competition against the other fraternities that frequently cause problems on campus due to their pranks, parties and general bullshit. Steve has to run shoulders with the college Dean and such a LOT to peace keep.
Eddie works at the major game shop across the road from the vinyl place, which helps pay for the automotive program he's in part time at the college. He runs all the D&D campaigns, including several for adults and kids. A lot of the events he tries to get going on campus get shut down as the school and police target him and the "scary kids" in a show of misdirected anger at the frats they can't touch without risk of losing out on their parents money.
Eddies particularly pissed at Steve after an infamous incident involving Eddie spearheading a pokemon go event that came into contact with some kind of frat beer run, which led to Eddie being wrongfully arrested.
Their enemies piece began with Eddie storming into Steve's frat, demanding he do something as he's one of the more influential presidents and Steve, goaded on by Tommy and Carol, refusing.
This is further cemented when Eddie finds out one of his favorite high school players, Dustin, is close with Steve and defends him constantly, refusing to elaborate much when pressed other than to tell Eddie that Steve used to watch Dustin a lot as a babysitting gig and he's a "really good guy under all the frat shit Eddie, seriously."
(Dustin does not elaborate that his mother was on the PTA with Steve's mother and that she clocked his parents abuse, and used the babysitting angle to get Steve out of that house as a kid, and Steve sees Ma Henderson more as a proper parental figure than his own parents.)
Throw in some light sub/dom dynamics, Eddie breaking into Steve's room as revenge only to overhear Tommy and Carol being downright vicious to him, and a "who did this to you" crying in the rain scene before the prompt line finally kicks in.
I wanted Tommy and Carol to be fucking gagging crying throwing up furious when Steve finally blows it all up, and for the fallout to be so insane for Steve that he ends up either starting his own frat with Eddie or throwing away his title entirely and having several of the not shit frat boys follow him out.
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samscompliment · 1 year
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i forgot that they put every issue imaginable in the dean winchester. obsessed with his dad ignored by his dad desperately holding his family together has no self worth or identity outside his duty to the world and his little brother he wants to kill himself but he can’t kill himself watch out for sammy look after your little brother boy you’re just gonna live some normal apple pie life there’s gotta be something that you want for yourself i ain’t a father i’m a killer mommy issues just love and comfort and safety dads dead? that’s great. don’t you get mad at me don’t you do that i had to look out for you. as long as i’m around nothing bad is ever gonna happen to you at least this way my life can mean something what like it didn’t before? if you don’t wanna do this it’s ok i won’t be mad you know when i was your age i saw something real bad happen to my mom and i get the way that i’ve been acting with the yelling and the acting like a prison guard and that’s just not me you know i’m not dad. my dad was exactly like this i don’t know why i get so angry i just know it’s always been there and it just comes out and i can’t stop it no matter how badly i want to it’s scaring the hell outta me jacks terrified of you That’s Not Who I Am. and i was just supposed to be fine about it
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scoobydoodean · 1 month
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Everyone (besides the Braedens) is so annoying about Dean in 6.01. In a way, he's almost treated like some sort of exotic animal by other hunters—"the hunter who got out" is considered an impossibility in the hunting world—both from a moral perspective, and from a trauma perspective.
Bobby keeps repeating "You were out" when Dean gets mad at him and Sam for keeping Sam's resurrection a secret, and while there is obviously a loving angle in Bobby wanting Dean (someone he views as a son) to live a long life, the secret is so unapologetically cruel in the face of Dean's grief that Bobby's actions also suggest more personal motivations. This, along with Dean's demand "Good for who?" when Bobby insists he made the good choice, almost lends itself to the idea that this wasn't just about Dean. It was about something Dean symbolized for Bobby. Dean was living proof that hunters could get out, and have families, and live long lives, and this probably soothes something in Bobby as someone who lost his wife tragically right after an emotional betrayal. In "Death's Door", Bobby is implied to have had a vasectomy he never told Karen about. He was the child who ruined everything he touched according to his abusive father, and decided never to have children because of it. Bobby still grieves losing Karen, and he grieves what could have been if he hadn't let his dad get in his head. Like Bobby, Dean is also a person accused of having a corrupting touch, and Bobby is very aware of Dean's self-worth issues (2.22) and I think sees a lot of his own emotional hangups in Dean. So I think it's possible that for Bobby, seeing Dean get to be happy is something Bobby needs... for himself in a sense? While being something he wants for someone he loves, it also just... soothes something inside him, symbolically and personally.
Other characters don't react so positively to Dean as a symbol representing hunters being able to get out and overcome the tragedies that generally bring them into the life to begin with. The Campbells immediately look down on Dean for not being a hunter anymore, treating him as a greenhorn, suggesting he was never meant for the work they do (his features are too "delicate"), poking around his house like it's a zoo exhibit. Sam also joins in, mocking Dean for having golf clubs.
Samuel feigns sympathy, saying he "gets it" because Mary wanted out of the life too, but it's just a little carefully placed pathos before he launches into giving Dean the same speech Mary was likely subjected to repeatedly, telling Dean they need all hands on deck, that he has a responsibility but would rather "play golf" (which is really what shows most that Samuel has zero understanding of why Dean or his own daughter wanted normal lives).
Sam also completely switches up on Dean by the end of the episode, going from justifying keeping his resurrection a secret because Dean was happy, to saying that Dean can't be normal and should return to hunting because he's putting Lisa and Ben in danger by being with them. Of course, soulless Sam flip flops because he doesn't actually care about whether or not Dean is happy. He was going through the motions of wanting Dean to be happy because he thought it was what he should want based on his memories, and he didn't have any emotional need for his brother and therefore no reason to bother him or care that he was grieving someone who was alive. But the moment he saw Dean display the heart of a hero, rushing to try and save his neighbors when all hope was lost, he saw something that he thought would be useful—someone with a heart who might make the "rules" of how to conduct himself more clear. Dean then seemed like a useful asset.
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DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 3 | S15 Fix Its
i wanna be your lover fighter | @angelwiththeblue-box
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,056 Main Tags/Warnings: Fix-It, Major Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, AU, Happy Ending, Summary: what if dean is the one who confesses first?
There's Something About Jenny | @whichstiel
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,965 Main Tags/Warnings: Jenny the vampire, Time travel Summary: A fix-it for the finale.
Heavenly | @sunshine-zenith
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,864 Main Tags/Warnings: Past Major Character Death/Set In Heaven, Post s15ep20, happy ending, humor, minor angst, Cas has some self worth issues Summary: Cas has been avoiding Dean in heaven, despite Dean's best efforts to find some information on the guy. The others made a point to bash over his head how Dean and Castiel had apparently been in love and could have been together for over a decade if he had just gotten his head out of his ass sooner (again, super unfair. It takes two to make up destiel, and it's not like Cas had been rushing to declare his undying love until just before he died for the last time. Unless you count that other time in the barn where he thought he was dying, but the angel totally chickened out when he backtracked with his “I love you all.” This wasn’t all on Dean, and he was taking that fact to the- well. Not grave. They’re all a little past that at that point). Luckily, eventually, Cas comes to him.
Sit in the Presence of the Sun | @aaronthe8thdemon
Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,125 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Season/Series 15, Angst, Suicide Attempt, Major Character Undeath, Sad Dean Winchester, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Misunderstandings, Winged Castiel (Supernatural), Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, Angel Castiel Summary: “Why wouldn’t Dean want to see you?” “When I…” Castiel very deliberately continues watching the sun instead of Sam. “I’m not comfortable discussing this with you. I’m sorry.” “Okay…?” “It’s fine. Jack has already informed me that Dean doesn’t want any of us to bother him.” Now Sam groans. “Really? No, Cas! Dean doesn’t wanna see me or Jack! I’m pretty sure he just didn’t believe Jack when we tried telling him you’re back, and he fucking - escaped from the hospital when I wasn’t there and took off for Jody’s! He never said he doesn’t want to see you!” Castiel shakes his head. “That doesn’t matter. I… when I protected him in the dungeon, there’s no way around the fact that my actions were extremely upsetting for him. He doesn’t want to see me.”
There'll be peace when you are done - are you done? | @brainfuzz
Rating: General Word Count: 3,216 Main Tags/Warnings: Fix-it fic, no warnings apply Summary: Canon compliant right to the shitty end, and then goes and explains all the gaps and why that's not the end.
These Words Are All We Have (We’ll Be Talking) | @sunshine-zenith
Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,625 Main Tags/Warnings: Injury, Blood, Hurt Cas, Crying Cas and Dean, Dean has Self Worth Issues, Human Cas (S15 fix it), Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Bittersweet Ending Summary: When the Empty comes to collect Cas, Dean doesn't let it take him. The aftermath of this leaves Cas without his Grace and with a bleeding cut across his throat, and Dean questioning his worthiness of Cas's love.
this is the only thing i’ve ever had any faith in | @watchinghimrakeleaves
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,760 Main Tags/Warnings: season 15 fix it, post canon, human cas, retired hunter dean winchester Summary: The world is safe, Dean and Cas own a bar on the beach, and Dean is ready to ask Cas for something he could have never imagined he was allowed to have.
Devotional | @whichstiel
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,034 Main Tags/Warnings: The Empty, Resurrection Summary: A devotional is a little meditative prayer centered around a story. We start with THE WORD, follow up with a story, and walk away with a little revelation to ponder. I give you Castiel’s devotionals.
Signal | @diminuel
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7,176 Main Tags/Warnings: S15 Fix-It, Interdimensional phone calls, Resurrected Castiel (Cas is still an angel), Crack Treated Seriously, Happy Ending, Fluff, Requited Love Summary: When the Empty grabbed Castiel he was prepared for this to be the end of him. There would be no more resurrections, no more loopholes, nothing but eternal sleep. But then his phone rings, piercing through the oblivion and Cas is wide awake. Turns out he’s got cell service in the Empty.
it's not a miracle you need | @brillemos
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7,711 Main Tags/Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, First Kiss Summary: Jack refuses to help save Cas from the Empty. Dean has no clue how to do it and enlists Sam and Eileen's help. It turns out the answer was within Cas all along, but getting there isn't easy.
how fast the night changes (WIP) | @closetoyou1970
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7,915 Main Tags/Warnings: Season 15 Fix-It, Dean Rescues Cas From The Empty, New Relationship, Road Trip, Retirement, Grieving and Healing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angel Cas Endgame Summary: Cas is back from the Empty, but Dean is still too traumatized by watching him die to set foot back in the bunker. With no apocalypse on the horizon and with a deathbed love confession still hanging heavy in the air between them, Dean suggests his go-to idea: that the pair of them take off together and drive around the backroads of flyover country until they figure it out. (Post-series road trip fic.)
if you ran away, just come home | @heller-castiel
Rating: No Rating Word Count: 9,172 Main Tags/Warnings: Grief/Mourning, Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, Woman in White Dean Winchester, Canonical Character Death, Fix-it, Angst With a Happy Ending, Human Castiel Summary: Dean wandered, after. The night that Chuck died, subsumed into Amara, he had silently climbed into his car in the dead of night, walking past Jack's room, past Sam's room. In his room, Sam laid in his bed with Eileen, and felt the air displace itself around where Dean slipped past in the hallway, instincts attuning him to movement just as they made Dean move soundlessly, without a thought to it. but Dean didn’t think of that. Dean only thought of moving, getting out, going - Going to something the bunker couldn’t be, anymore. Something he couldn’t ever go to. But he had to go.
Know And Understand | @aaronthe8thdemon
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 10,387 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Episode AU: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Time Travel, Episode: s04e02 Are You There God? It's Me Dean Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Angel Castiel Summary: The Cas that reappears in the bunker after Chuck is defeated isn't their Cas. After supposedly being taken by the Shadow, Castiel has no idea why he immediately crash-lands in Bobby Singer's wrecking yard just days after Dean was raised from Hell. Jack is just trying to fix everything and surprisingly, Gabriel turns out to be really good at damage control. In both times, Sam has no idea what the hell's going on anymore and at this point he's almost too scared to ask.
I would do anything for love... but I won't do that | @startswitheff
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 11,001 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Canon Fix-It, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Eventual Smut, Human!Castiel, Top!Castiel, Bottom!Dean Winchester Summary: When Dean pulls Castiel from the Empty, he knows he wants to be by his side for the rest of his life. But is he ready for everything that entails? Otherwise known as the “and that’s how…” fic.
Summer Blues | @deanabean
Rating: Mature Word Count: 11,193 Main Tags/Warnings: Retrospective, Dean Winchester-centric, POV Dean Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Competent Dean Winchester, yCastiel and Dean Winchester are Jack Kline's Parents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Canon Fix-It, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester Summary: As Dean sits here alone in the dark of this summer's night, going through some sort of an introspection journey deep down memory lane _ as he’s finding himself doing more and more for a while now _ as he tries his hardest to make sense of things. Of memories. Yes, Dean thinks; hindsight is like looking through a sharp, new set of eyes. Sometimes disorienting, yet the closest thing to crystal clear.
Status quo ante bellum | @angelinthefire
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 11,201 Main Tags/Warnings: human!Castiel, light angst, canon-typical alcohol consumption Summary: Cas is back from the Empty, human, and convinced that his relationship with Dean is unsalvagable. Can Dean get his shit together in time to prove otherwise?
Dean daily | @fellshish
Rating: Mature Word Count: 11,840 Main Tags/Warnings: Epistolatory, denial, social media, fix-it Summary: Cas has been rescued from the Empty. Dean suffers from extreme denial about being in love with him. Epistolary / social media fic with Dean POV snippets for every day.
The Council Of Charlie Bradbury | @pointyearedelvishprincling
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 13,157 Main Tags/Warnings: post 15x18, angel!cas, selective mutism, angst with a happy ending, pov Charlie Bradbury, pov dean winchester, pov castiel, emotional hurt/comfort, LOTR references Summary: It's been a few weeks since Cas got out of the Empty, and Dean can't accept that there's finally peace in the world. Watching the camera footage of the dungeon scene on repeat probably isn't helping. Cas is content to give Dean space to heal, even if the loneliness at the end of the journey is settling in. On the request of Sam, not that she needed an excuse, Charlie spends the night in the Bunker trying to figure out what's going on with these idiots, and getting more answers than she bargained for. With the help of Stevie, she comes up with a plan that might finally bring Dean and Cas together.
something you love (something you lose) | @nessarose-thropp
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 15,308 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Episode: s14e20 Moriah, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Character Death, Rough Sex, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Suicidal Ideation, Grief/Mourning, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Hopeful Ending, Angel Castiel Summary: “Story's over,” Chuck says, “Welcome to The End.” And with that everything goes dark and cold. The darkness and rot of souls and bodies surrounds them. He doesn’t dare touch Jack again, just stares at his lifeless body lit only by unnatural moonlight. He’s vaguely aware of the threat slowly encircling them, but none of it matters. Nothing matters anymore. Somewhere, something deep inside of him-not his earthly body but his true angel self-awakens. It’s a type of power and heat he hasn’t felt in years. It’s uncontrollable and unforgiving. Light and righteousness and fury coalescing into something terrifying. Castiel lets out a scream, an anguished cry from his human mouth and a piercing angelic shriek, and with it releases whatever it was that had been growing within him. When he feels it leave, his consciousness finally returns to the present, to the Earth and to his vessel and to Sam and Dean and to Jack and it’s light out again. The sun is shining just as it was minutes ago, and there is no sign of any dark forces around them. No ghosts, no zombies, no demons, just two men, an angel, and the body of a dead Nephilim. - Jack is gone, Chuck is in the wind, and Cas must find a way to cope.
The Little Issue with the Mission to Perdition | @amaranthhiding
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 16,460 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Universe, Post-Ep 15x19, Jack & Amara family bonding, Jack and Amara Try Fixing Things Together but Make Everything Worse, Team Free Will 3.0, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Castiel/Dean First Kiss, POV Alternating (Jack, Amara, Dean, Sam, Castiel) Summary: Chuck is defeated and his power now belongs to Jack and Amara. They struggle with adjusting to their newly-shared existence, and with big questions such as, how can (almost) all-powerful beings avoid becoming what Chuck was? What even is all that power good for when it doesn't allow Jack to save someone from the Empty who absolutely deserves being saved? Who thought it was a good idea to hand all that power to two beings who, together, have spent less years on Earth than the average human child? ...And why is there suddenly black goo everywhere?
In the Rolling Up of Sleeves | @the-elf-barbarian
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 20,344 Main Tags/Warnings: S15 fix it Cas is human/in heaven, Dean and Cas are dead/in heaven, Canon typical Alcohol Abuse, Canon typical reference to Child Abuse, Domestic Fic, Magical Realistic Heaven, Failure to communicate, The Unrelenting Search for Happiness, Hurt/Comfort but like... for Us Summary: When Cas arrives in heaven, sometime after sacrificing himself to the Empty - he and Jack realize just how wrong Chuck got it when he built heaven. And, just how much work they have in store to prepare heaven for the arrival of those they love. Meanwhile, in the wake of Chuck’s defeat, Dean finds a way to forge a life with this new, more free, world while grappling with the knowledge of Cas’s true feelings. When they finally meet in heaven, will they finally get the afterlife they deserve - learning and building, to make the Heaven they have spent so long fighting for - or will Cas’s fears about how he escaped from The Empty endanger it all? What was that, wayward sons, about there being peace when you were done?
to the wonder of all things | @hauntedpearl
Rating: General Word Count: 21,164 Main Tags/Warnings: Fix-It, Empty rescue, Hell rescue, Flashbacks, Angel!Cas, Love Confessions, First Kiss Summary: The Empty puts Castiel to sleep. The sound of prayer wakes him up. He follows this call echoing through the void and relives pieces of his life as he journeys towards the voice — towards freedom. Towards Dean.
One Week Later | @squirrelofcelestialintent
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 23,208 Main Tags/Warnings: Panic attacks, alcohol as a coping mechanism, bisexual dean, internalized homophobia, switching, gentle dom cas, identity crisis, graceless/human Castiel, discussions of sex work Summary: “Touch-starved”. It’s one of those terms (along with “alcoholic” and “abused child”) that Dean has worked very hard to keep on the other side of the big fat concrete wall in his brain. The one that, until now, only weakens when he’s truly, deeply shit-faced. But Cas has made a career out of breaking through Dean’s walls, it only makes sense that he’d tear this one down too, if he just died enough times. Ripped Dean’s heart out just enough so that the foundations of family and duty and sacrifice can crumble and leave Dean even more of a desperate, black hole of need than he was before. Chuck is dead, and Cas… Cas is back. And Dean is supposed to be happy. It’s time to decide what he wants to do with the rest of his life. But how can he do that, when every time he’s not physically touching Cas he starts to have a panic attack that none of this is real, and it’s all just another one of Chuck’s games? Who knows. So, he lets himself touch Cas. Constantly. It’s that or face a complete, Chernobyl-scale meltdown. At least Cas doesn’t seem to mind.
there's no cell service in the afterlife | @payphoneangel
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 27,404 Main Tags/Warnings: finale fix-it, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alcoholism, Family Dynamics, Jack Kline is Not God, Suicidal Thoughts, Empty deal, Blood and Injury, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Masturbation Summary: Castiel is resurrected from The Empty. While Dean is recovering from casting the spell that brought him back, Cas checks his voicemail. Turns out, they both just might be able to say what it is they want.
Inherit the Earth | @malicmalic
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 29,167 Main Tags/Warnings: S15 fix it, Castiel Lives, First kiss, MPreg, TopCas/Bottom Dean, comfort, Jack is God, Light angst, Fluff, Happy ending. Summary: Prompt: Cas and Dean deal with a surprise pregnancy. Or the one where the world didn't end, Jack defeated Chuck and Dean and Cas got their happily ever after.
The Blood Curse | @labgeek2002
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 32,690 Main Tags/Warnings: Angel Cas, post season 15 fix-it, internalized homophobia, time travel Summary: Castiel has been rescued from the Empty, but the spell used to retrieve him tears a hole in the dimensional wall that acts as barrier protecting Earth from the pull of everlasting darkness. As the Empty feeds off of Castiel's grace to sustain itself, driving him closer to death with every passing minute, Dean becomes desperate to save him. The only way to repair the damage is for Dean, Sam, and Cas to travel back in time to obtain a witch's stone that's in the possession of John Winchester, circa 2002. A twenty-three year old Dean Winchester will serve as their guide as they navigate the tumultuous father-son relationship that transcends time itself before the Empty draws its final curtain.
Buffer Time | @sunshine-zenith
Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 42,728 Main Tags/Warnings: Referenced to past character death (minor and major), slight psychological horror, sexual humor, mental health issues, Fusion/AU Hopping, everyone needs hugs, s15 fix it, Angel Cas, Happy Ending Summary: When Dean wakes up in his town's jailcell with a disoriented Cas, he happily roles with it. Sure, he knows he'll be the laughing stock of the town for a few days -- what deputy locks himself in his own jailhouse? -- but as long as Cas is there, things are fine. Until he realizes his memory is unusually fuzzy. Until Cas starts acting strange and morose. Until he starts having brief flashes of Cas being taken from him by an inky black entity. Until Cas starts talking about plot holes and tropes. Until he wakes up by a fire in the woods, on a quests to fight a dragon --no wait, in an ambulance, late for his shift as a surgeon-- no wait- Dean's just trying to figure out why he and Cas keep waking up in different genres and why Cas seems so distant, while Sam works with Eileen, Gabriel, and a few others to do the same on the other side of a laptop. (WandaVision inspired finale fix-it)
Creatures of Light | @aishitara
Rating: Mature Word Count: 44,075 Main Tags/Warnings: Angel!Cas, temporary MCD, temporary canonical MCD, canon-typical depictions of violence, Castiel and Dean Winchester have a profound bond, angst with a happy ending, creature!Cas, trueform!Cas, surrealism, non-linear storytelling, love confessions, heavy reliance on scenes from potentially triggering episodes of season 15. Summary: Dean is in Heaven. He’s got everything he could ever want at his fingertips, a literal eternity of peace laid before him for the having, but he can’t help thinking — how can it really be his Heaven if Cas isn’t there? Then one day, Dean goes for a drive. And at the end of it he finds something he truly did not expect. Another chance, maybe, to find Cas and confront him about his parting words to Dean. To figure out what it is he wants and to take it, for once, without guilt or shame. Another chance to live free.
And Neither Do You | @withclawsandsympathy
Rating: Mature Word Count: 45,309 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence, Blood and Violence, POV Dean, bi Dean, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean Winchester is Loved, Body Horror, Horror, Character Death Fix, Fox-It, Quote: Family Don’t End With Blood (Supernatural), Angel!Cas, Finale Rewrite Summary: “Come, now,” he heard Cas rasp. It wasn’t coming from the phone anymore, but from right outside the door. Dean lowered the phone and took a hesitant step forward, his bare foot sinking into the damp, rotting carpet. “Cas, what’s wrong? I don’t … You’re not making any sense.” “I have something for you,” Cas said, and this time it came as a whisper in a language Dean didn’t know, yet somehow understood. Dean froze in his tracks, his hand hovering just over the doorknob. He wanted so desperately for it to be Cas on the other side of this door, but he knew deep down that something was horribly, horrifically wrong. The rise of a new, hands-off God has unintended consequences, and the promise of free will reaches further than anyone intended. In the absence of the one who'd locked them away, and beneath the cracked and abused surface of the Midwest, an Old God stirs. Here, death is not the peace you're looking for, and there's one person left to save. Or: family don't end in blood, and neither does Dean Winchester.
Finally (WIP) | @nanianela
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 70,698 Main Tags/Warnings: Season/Series 15, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Soul Bonds, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Post-Finale, Engaged Castiel/Dean Winchester, Magical Pregnancy Summary: Castiel manages to escape the Empty, but on borrowed time. Before he hands over his grace, he accidentally forges an angelic bond to Dean, his new life mate, and grace tainted with humanity has no place in the angel afterlife. The bond forces Dean and Cas to navigate new waters, as they can now see into each other’s minds and feel what the other feels. Grace sex between Dean’s soul and Cas’s grace becomes a new normal in the couple’s lives, until it causes something they never thought possible...
Carve a Palace From Within | @norahastuff
Rating: Mature Word Count: 75,930 Main Tags/Warnings: Background Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, mention of canon Cas/Djinn queen, 15x20 doesn't exist (except to dunk on), Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Introspection for everybody, The Power Of Love, Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape, Billie is not a villain (this one's important to me), I will drag these idiots to the beach if it kills me, Cas is something between angel and human Summary: The world is saved, Chuck has been defeated, and with the help of Amara and Jack, they managed to rescue Cas from the Empty. It's over. It's all over. So, what now? Sam wants to continue on as a Man of Letters and help other hunters and Dean and Cas want to open up a Roadhouse-style bar, but old habits die hard, and it’s surprisingly easy to fall back into their established routine of monsters and hunting - that is until they run into trouble on a case and have to take a step back and evaluate what’s truly important. Just when it seems like things are finally falling into place, an old friend returns and they discover there's still one of Chuck’s messes they need to clean up. The cosmic forces at the top may have a plan to fix it, but it’s Dean who will have to play the pivotal role. In order to do so, he’ll have to confront his past, face up to who he really is and acknowledge just how far he's willing to go to get the job done. One thing’s for sure, though: this is their story and he refuses to let it end as a tragedy. They deserve better. They’ve earned the chance to be free.
Forget your perfect offering | @angelinthefire
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 81,785 Main Tags/Warnings: fix-it, angel!cas, top castiel/bottom dean winchester, angelic grace sex, minor homophobia, angel family, dadstiel, canon-typical alcohol use, panic attack, happy ending Summary: Cas was resurrected. Dean told Cas that he loves him, that he can have everything he wanted, but Cas has to stay with him. Cas promised that he would. The thing is, he didn’t realize how literal Dean was being. Now, Cas works on rebuilding Heaven with the angels, while he builds a new life with Dean. Neither of those things are as easy as Cas would have liked.
There Are Roads Left in Both of Our Shoes | @hawkland
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 117,878 Main Tags/Warnings: human!Cas, series fixit, road trip, nightmares, emotional hurt/comfort, switching Dean/Cas, soul bonds Summary: What happens when Cas wakes up in the Empty a second time, and rescues his own damn self? At first, it seems like the happy ending Dean thought he’d lost his chance to ever know. But as the two set out on a celebratory road trip and begin enjoying their new life together, there’s a darkness clinging to Cas that refuses to completely let go. They may need to make an altogether different kind of journey in order to put the past fully behind them. And meanwhile, where is Jack, anyway?
Beyond This Illusion | @skybird87
Rating: Explicit Word Count: 161,339 Main Tags/Warnings: Post Finale, Human Cas, Internalized Homophobia, Coming Out, Homophobic Language, Top Dean, Bottom Cas, Panic Attacks, Team as Family, Slow Burn Summary: “Are you serious, Dean? Your djinn-dream started with you dying?” Sam asks incredulously from the passenger. “Well, technically it started with us going on a hunt,” Dean points out. He licks his lips, jaw clenching. “I mean, there was Heaven, too, and that was pretty cool.” Sam stares at him. “Sorry, man, but that just sounds pretty lame.” He leans back and folds his arms. “Kinda sounds like something Chuck would cook up. Just you and me. No one else. I mean, really?” *~*~* In which some people come back, Cas learns to be human (the right way, this time), Dean Winchester finally realizes that good things do happen, and they all get their version of the post-credits, apple-pie life they deserved. AKA: Screw Chuck's narrative.
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fandom-hoarder · 5 months
Text
A Bibro's
Sastiel Rec List
-for the canon-adjacent connoisseur-
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1. Pagan by posingasme
Gen | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 17, 782 | Chapters: 8/8
Tags: Blasphemy, Idol Worship, Fallen Castiel, Priest Sam, Hunterverse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon-Typical Violence
Summary: Castiel has fallen, too soon. Madness and desperation plague him, but, as always, his heart is still in the right place...with Sam Winchester.
🔆
2. Run Right; or Lie by orphan_account
Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 5,197 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: AU, Alternate Universe, Canon Divergence, Pre-Slash
Summary: AU in which Dean died during Faith, the first seal was broken in season one, and Sam met Castiel when his faith was as strong as ever.
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3. Kneel Before the Lord Our Maker by EnInkahootz
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,000 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Supernatural Kink Bingo 2021, Porn, Smut, Blasphemy, Angels, Angel Kink, Religion, Religion Kink, Angel Wings, Wings, Flying, Clouds, Cock Worship, Dom/sub, Sub Sam Winchester, Dom Castiel, Dom Castiel/Sub Sam Winchester, Dreams, Blow Jobs, Post-Episode: s04e07 It's the Great Pumpkin Sam Winchester
Summary: After first meeting Castiel and being disappointed in It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester (Season 4, Episode 7), Sam has a dream about Castiel being the classic sort of angel he had expected to meet. Sam dreams of using his mouth to worship Castiel's holy cock, which Sam sees as an extension of god.
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4. What This Is About by MissMisdemeanor
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,147 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Top Castiel/Bottom Sam Winchester, Riding, Sweat, Hook-Up, Secret Relationship, Canon Compliant, canon adjacent?, Making Out, Early season 5 Supernatural
Summary: “This is something you’ve wanted before today,” Cas states, and it’s true. He’s not sure if Cas even had to read his soul to get at that.
Sam’s breath stops. He freezes momentarily. “Yeah,” he admits. “Shit, Cas, yeah. I’d have done this the day we met.”
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5. A First Grasp by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)
M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,034 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Season 5 angst, Episode: s05e03 Free to Be You and Me, or at least the sastiel alternate ending to that episode.
Summary: Sastiel-flavored coda for “Free to be You and Me” with some early seasons bamf!castiel.
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6. My Sastiel Valentine by rosworms
M/M | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 3,371 | Chapters: 3/3
Tags: Episode: s05e14 My Bloody Valentine, Slash, NSFW, Sastiel - Freeform, Sam/Cas - Freeform
Summary: A very slight AU of the episode 'My Bloody Valentine' where Sam is affected by famine in a different way.
🔆 55 more fics, in relatively chronological order, below the cut 🔆
7. Boy in the White Suit by posingasme
Gen, M/M | Mature | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 13,460 | Chapters: 7/7
Tags: Boy King of Hell Sam Winchester, Post-Apocalypse, Dark Sam Winchester, Insanity, Alice in Wonderland References, Blasphemy, Self-Destruction, Madness
Summary: Sam said no. Dean said yes. Sam lost his mind. Castiel lost his friends. That’s the road so far.
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8. A More Profound Bond by confxsed
Gen, M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,824 | Chapters: 5/5
Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst, Season/Series 05, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Pre-Slash
Summary: Five little moments where Dean notices the relationship between Sam and Castiel growing.
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9. some space underneath my skin by hellsreluctantheir
Part 1 of touch -- The soulless Sam and Cas were fucking verse.
M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 23,607 | Chapters: 8/8
Tags: Soulless!Sam, Season/Series 06
Summary: Humans liked to touch each other in ways that baffled Castiel. Not just in the manner they slyly referred to as biblically. He watched them clap hands onto shoulders and backs, lean into each other in exhaustion, sleep sitting up with feet resting against each other on the floor. A constant, reverberating, nonverbal hymn. I am here. You are here. We are here, and we are alive. Angels did not need that kind of reassurance. Castiel could hear his siblings' songs no matter how near he was to them physically. Prayers and psalms in the back of his mind. It saddened him, somewhat, to think that humanity would never know that.
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10. The Unexpected by muzivitch
M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,253 Chapters: 1/1
Summary: Sam and Castiel discuss his missing year. Also, Sam has a crush that would be obvious to anyone but Castiel (except it might even be obvious to him, after all). Takes place after 6.12 "Like A Virgin."
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11. Doing Just Fine by masterlynovak
M/M, Multi | Rating: Explicit | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,069 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: idk it's a threesome but not really?, Dean is just watching Sam and Cas have sex, voyerism
Summary: Dean wakes up in a room with a naked Sam spread out on the bed.
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12. Wings by Rowan203
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,415 Chapters: 1/1
Summary: AU after season 6. Sam comes back from the cage broken and changed. Dean and Castiel deal with it in different ways.
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13. Between the Shadow and the Soul by Vee (Vera_DragonMuse)
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 6,456 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Poetry, hell is the absence of love, take shelter in me, castiel thinks sam is the wolf, sam thinks castiel is in another story, really they're both just lost in the fog
Summary: What if Sam was the one that went to Purgatory with Castiel?
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14. The Sun Pale as Milk by Icanseenow
M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 39,879 Chapters: 21/21
Tags: POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 08, Purgatory, Post-Purgatory, Slow Burn, Nearly Human Castiel, Post-Season/Series 07
Summary: Instead of Dean, Castiel is the one to return from Purgatory first. He finds Sam, and together they spend a year. Looking for Dean and not looking for Dean.
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15. a body of proof by lordofsoup
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 21,525 | Chapters: 5/5
Tags: Angelic Possession, Consensual Possession, basically possession (romantic), Trials of Hell, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage, Sam Winchester Has an Eating Disorder, a minor point but i wanted to mention it, references to honey!cas, Developing Relationship, Romantic Fluff, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Body, includes art!! [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: Sam's sickness worsens after the second trial, resulting in him being rushed to the hospital, the extensive damage has left Sam drained of his fight. To continue with the trials Sam must allow Castiel to heal him, by possessing him. While having an alien home under his skin is nothing new for Sam, Castiel's constant presence unwittingly unburies a host of issues. Two people desperate for forgiveness in the same body should get crowded at times but between the nightmares, the sickness, and the blood; there are some cookies, a quiet beach on the coast of Oregon, and a chance at something new between them.
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16. ficlet - sastiel, a/b/o dynamics by wrenseroticlibrary_archivist
[also on tumblr]
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 580 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Post-Season/Series 08, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fallen Angel Castiel, Mating Cycles/In Heat, First Time, Porn, Ficlet, Alpha Castiel, Omega Sam Winchester
Summary: When Castiel had Fallen, he’d clearly become an alpha.
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17. Stay in Touch by Cuda (Scylla)
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 6,310 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Post-Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Missing Scene, Human Castiel, Newly Human Castiel, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, First Kiss, First Time, Masturbation, Sexually Inexperienced Castiel, Castiel and Sam Winchester in Love, Sastiel - Freeform
Summary: Concerned about newly-human Castiel's decision to leave the Bunker on his own, Sam sets out for Idaho to find his best friend - and get some answers for himself.
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18. Angels and Answers by klove0511
Part 1 of Milestones 'verse
M/M | Rating: Explicit | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 15,190 Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Possessed Sam Winchester, Memory Alteration, Human Castiel, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, First Time Blow Jobs, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Sam Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Alternate Season/Series 09, Winchester communication skills
Summary: Cas has discovered his sexuality as a human when the Winchesters bring him to the bunker, and he and Sam fall into bed together. When Gadreel forces Dean to drive Cas away, the two must find their way back to each other, freeing Sam from Gadreel in the process.
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19. So polite by bloodandcream
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,174 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Season 9, Angst, Sam topping from the bottom, Erectile Dysfunction
Summary: “Please,” was whispered into his mouth. So polite. Sam was in control here.
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20. Had Worse by posingasme
Gen, M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,687 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Bunker Fic, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Sam has a very high threshold for pain, and an iron will. So this current hunting injury, even with its weird attack on his view of reality, is nothing compared to what he has been through in the past. He’s had worse. But that does nothing to reassure those who love him.
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21. I'm always dragging that horse around by Trojie
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,499 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Unrequited Wincest, Unrequited Destiel, Enochian, Phobias, Hell Trauma, Season/Series 09, Episode: s09e11 First Born, Angel Healing, Implied Wincestiel, Hopeful Ending
Summary: Sam has a horror of angels and Cas has a compulsion to heal. It doesn't help that they speak the same languages, or that Dean is elsewhere - somehow he's always between them, and somehow they still have to meet in the middle.
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22. The Best Medicine by sarasaurusrex
Multi | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,247 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Comfort, Fluff, Depressed Sam Winchester, Season/Series 09, Misunderstandings, Castiel Takes Care of Sam Winchester, Established Castiel/Sam Winchester, Domestic Fluff
Summary: Castiel confuses Sam’s symptoms of depression with symptoms of the flu and tries to help. Set mid season 9.
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23. anything you need, that's what i'll be by starlightswait
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,092 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Dissociation, Bodily Autonomy, Season/Series 09, Aftermath of Possession, Post-Episode: s09e11 First Born, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Food Issues
Summary: There is a strange discomfort in healing Sam in the days that follow Dean’s departure.
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24. muscle memory by hellsreluctantheir
Part 2 of touch - Sam's POV s7 - s9
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,830 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Season/Series 07, Season/Series 09
Summary: Sam lost his soul, slept with an angel, got his soul back, lost his memory, and then lost his mind before they could have a conversation about it. It's fine. The Hell trauma is gone, and he's coping. Even when Castiel comes back, he'll continue to cope.
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25. Divine by Matthew1972
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 8,120 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: POV Sam Winchester, Protective Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Kissing, First Time, Porn with Feelings, Anal Sex, Bottom Sam Winchester, Top Castiel, Bottoming from the Top, Angelic Grace Play, Angel Wings, Morning Sex, Oral Sex
Summary: Coda/AU scene to episode S09E11, First Born. "But nothing is worth losing you", Castiel shows that what he said was something he meant. Held safe in his arms and wings Sam learns the stunning truth about 'his' angel. How he heals the pain inside of him with something more than trust, care and touch.
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26. Even If We Can't Find Heaven by ellerkay
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 8,044 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Having Faith, Loss of Faith, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Pining
Summary: Sam finds his faith and loses it and finds it again, albeit in a very different form. A Sastiel love story and exploration of Sam’s faith and spirituality. [Note: prayer during sex🙏]
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27. Table For Two by the_diving_fox
M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,775 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: somewhere in s9, Human Castiel, valentine's day fic, POV Outsider
Summary: A tired waitress at Ann's Diner happens to serve Sam and Castiel amidst all the other obnoxious Valentine's Day couples. Sam and Castiel manage to surprise her, though.
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28. Two Beat Up Humans by PacJazz
M/M, Multi | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,863 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Fluff and Angst, Pre-Slash, PTSD, Post-Gadreel, Human!Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Post-trials with no angel healing hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 09, Nightmares, Domestic Fluff, Hair Brushing, Insomnia, No Smut, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester, Sleepiness, Literal Sleeping Together [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: Both broken, yet eager to help the other heal.... Sam and Cas are living in the bunker now, sans-dean after the gadreel betrayal. Cas is newly Human now, and while he needs some help learning the intricacies of that, Sam needs some help healing. They both share things, and think through what they've lost. *In slight AU where post-gadreel Sam is living in the bunker with newly human Castiel*
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29. A Crucifixion Without A Christ by angelshotgun
M/M | Rating: Explicit | Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con | Words: 18,501 | Chapters: 10/10
Tags: Angelic Possession, Castiel's Angelic Grace, Major Character Injury, Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hell Trauma, Sam Winchester is Loved, Hurt Castiel, Guilty Castiel, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, voicemail fixit, Post-Gadreel, Trust Issues, Sam Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Hunter Retirement [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: When Sam Winchester is badly injured on a hunt, Cas has to possess him to keep him alive and help him heal. And though Sam agreed to let him in, Cas is acutely aware of how many times Sam has had his bodily autonomy taken away from him, and how much Cas himself has contributed to Sam's pain. And now that he's inside Sam's head? Well, he tries to be as unobtrusive as possible, but Sam is just... traumatized. And hurting. Maybe, he thinks, maybe this is his chance to put aside his own feelings for Sam to help heal the hurts he had a hand in creating?
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30. Moments of Madness by orphan_account
M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,140 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Season/Series 10, ish, Canon Compliant, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage, Protective Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Sam Winchester, Kissing, Fluff
Summary: It just happens, the first time. Dean's a Demon, and Sam's so alone. The next times?
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31. Blankets by mako_lies (wingeddserpent)
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,212 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Episode: s10e01 Black, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel
Summary: Sam and Cas try to take care of one another.
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32. Situational Failure (The Chicken Soup Remix) by StripySock
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 2,540 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Season/Series 10, Remix, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Sickfic, Frottage
Summary: There is a fear in Cas that if he lets Sam make himself at home in all of the places that Dean had declined to fill, he will lose the ability to ever refuse it again.  Or: Sam is sick, Cas is failing, and Dean is nowhere to be found. [implied unrequited destiel]
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33. Feathers Falling by posingasme
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 13,144 | Chapters: 6/6
Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angel Wings, Castiel in the Bunker, Permanent Injury, Protective Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Fever, Delirium, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Alternate Canon, Season/Series 10, Angst [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: Castiel has been hurt, but he won't reveal how bad it is. Sam distracts him from the pain by reading him classic love stories, and Cas just doesn’t think any of them depict a love as strong as theirs.
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34. Since When Does Sam Have PLANS? by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)
Gen | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 343 | Chapters: 1/1
Summary: "Dean’s POV on Sastiel, late seasons Sastiel, the ‘mistaken for a couple’ trope.
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35. Keep You from the Gallows Pole by Fallynleaf
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 7,337 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Alternate Season/Series 10 Finale, Mark of Cain Cure, Charlie Lives, Implied Unrequited Destiel, Implied Unrequited Wincest, Implied Wincestiel, Asexual Relationship [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: Season 10, if it were the love story of Sam and Cas.
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36. Episode 199.5 by posingasme
Part 1 of Before 200...
Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 56,473 | Chapters: 20/20
Tags: Mark of Cain, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Stolen Grace, Protective Dean Winchester, Demon Blood, BAMF Castiel, Sam Winchester on Demon Blood, Alternate Angel Lore, Canon-Typical Violence, Torture, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Guilt
Summary: Dean is dealing with guilt, and fear of losing control to the Mark again. Castiel has new Grace, but eventually, it will burn out just as before. Sam just wants a fresh start all around. Life in the bunker is getting a bit...crowded. Memories and tempers are boiling over, along with something that has been heating up for a long time. Things get nasty when an old foe comes for Sam, and it's all hands on deck.
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37. Wingman by posingasme
Part 2 of Before 200...
Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 65,222 | Chapters: 21/21
Tags: Spoilers, Mark of Cain, Dreams and Nightmares, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Psychological Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Destructive Dean Winchester
Summary: Now that Sam and Castiel have been honest with one another, and Dean has given his blessing, the two are forced into the awkward stage of figuring out where to go from here. Dean is still battling against the Mark, and his anxiety manifests in various ways, some of which are healthier than others.
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38. Sentimental Iterations by fabella
M/M | Rating: Explicit | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 33,370 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Future Fic, Season/Series 11, Season/Series 10, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Betrayal, Deception, Winchester Style Death (Not Typical Death), Semi Curtain Fic, Resolved Sexual Tension, Anal Sex, Rimming, Bottom Sam, Oral Sex, Sam is a big damn hero, Castiel-centric, Human Castiel, Big Brother Dean, Angst, Hurt Sam Winchester, Mental Instability, Sacrifice, Brother Feels, Grief/Mourning [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: Castiel learned everything he knows about devotion from the Winchesters. In this peaceful future built on the back of Sam Winchester’s most recent sacrifice, Castiel discovers that death itself can be overcome. If he’s willing to pay the price. [Notes: Set after season 10. An entirely different take on season 11.]
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39. Sam's Room by NobleHouseOfBlack
M/M | Rating: Not Rated | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,864 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: No Dialogue, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Platonic Cuddling, Feel-good
Summary: Sam's room in the bunker didn't seem like his room. He slept there occasionally but there was nothing that would indicate he lived there.
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40. The Devil’s Gonna Let On That You’re In The Details by sahwen
M/M | Rating: Not Rated | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 3,055 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Post-Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Season/Series 12, this fic spans across a lot of time, Hook-Up, Sam Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Trauma, Protective Dean Winchester, Supportive Dean, Post-Possession
Summary: Sam and Cas have been hooking up casually for a while when something feels off to Sam. He’s sure it’s just his mind playing tricks on him.
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41. Loved by the Devil, loved by an angel by N_13
Part 1 of Of this damned reality
M/M | Rating: Mature | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 3,076 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Rape/Non-con Elements, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, everybody needs a hug, and therapy, Hurt/very little comfort, Unhealthy Relationships, No really every relationship in this is fucked up on some level, Hurt Sam Winchester, Season/Series 11, Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester
Summary: Cas has loved Sam for quite some time. Then he said yes to Lucifer and everything went to hell.
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42. Heartbreak is Savvy and Love is a Bitch by Cuda (Scylla)
M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,405 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Lapdance, Light Dom/sub, Dom Castiel, Sub Sam Winchester, Sensation Play, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sam Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Safewords, Sam Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Sam Winchester is Bad at Self Care, Castiel's not the most experienced dom, Established Relationship, Light Angst [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: Castiel and Sam work on some fractures in their relationship. A gentle attempt at sensory play goes awry, leaving them scrambling to ratchet things back up to normal. Part of the 2020 Supernatural Kink Bingo.
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43. Thirty Years too Late by hyperbolicfae
Gen, M/M, Other | Rating: Teen+ | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 2,770 | Chapters: 2/2
Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Aftermath of Torture, Implied Mind Rape, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Protective Mary Winchester
Summary: Mary Winchester has rescued her son. She’s just thirty years too late. Or: The aftermath of Sam’s rescue from the British Men of Letters
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44. whore of babylon by angelszn (artbabe)
M/M | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 2,465 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Infidelity, Movie Night, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Floor Sex, Non-Penetrative Sex, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Past Rape/Non-con, Guilt, Gift Exchange [contains background destiel]
Summary: “Dean is a good man, and I love him. But sometimes, I…” Cas licks his lips. “Sam, I’m afraid.” Sam should leave. He should walk away. He should run. But his body is heavy and wine-drunk, his head spins at what Cas might be hinting at. “What are you afraid of?”
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45. The One You're With by gracerene
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,397 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Unrequited Wincest, Unrequited Sastiel, Platonic Sex, Friendship, Sexually Inexperienced Castiel, Fuck Or Die, Curses, Frottage, POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 12, Hung Sam Winchester, Present Tense
Summary: Sam knows better than to touch anything in the bunker that looks even the slightest bit suspicious. And yet…
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46. Wins & Losses by Threshie
M/M, Multi | Rating: Teen+ | Major Character Death | Words: 17,384 | Chapters: 8/8
Tags: Temporarily Dead Castiel, Heartbroken Sam Winchester, Comforting Dean Winchester, Sharing a Bed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sastiel, Wincest, Wincestiel, Poly Vee With Sam Pivot, Cuddling & Snuggling, Men of Letters Bunker, Angst with a Happy Ending, Touchy-Feely, Grieving Sam Winchester, Idiots in Love [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: A few months after Sam and Castiel start dating, the angel is killed. Still reeling from the loss of his best friend, Dean can’t just sit and watch Sam’s heartbreak slowly pull him away, too.
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47. Now I am here by Matthew1972
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 13,728 | Chapters: 5/5
Tags: Friends to Lovers, Asexual Relationship, Literal Sleeping Together, Sharing a Bed, Feelings Realization, Hugs, Boys Kissing, Case Fic, Monster Hunters, Crime Scenes, Angst, Blood, Hurt, Pagan Gods, Magic
Summary: Castiel and Sam have come to another nameless town to free it from the claws of a dark and ancient power. As they work the case their friendship grows stronger, changing into something more or does it? This, here, now… brings the confirmation they each needed.
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48. Something Good by posingasme
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,876 | Chapters: 4/4
Tags: Food Issues, showtunes, Sleep Deprivation, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sick Sam Winchester
Summary: Everyone deals with their losses in their own way, and Sam prefers to work things out on his own. But his angel friend can’t stand on the sidelines as the hunter wastes away in pain. Sam may have had a complex past, but an angel’s love is proof that he must have done something good.
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49. Something to Talk About by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)
Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 777 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: mentions Castiel but he's not actually here, Bunker Era, Dean being a big brother, telltale hickies, Love Bites
Summary: To be honest, Sam thought it took Dean way longer than he would’ve expected to figure he and Castiel were together.
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50. Lois by posingasme
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 4,195 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Superman References (DCU), Awkward Crush, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings
Summary: Jack discovers the joy of comic books, and reminds Castiel of a time when Bobby Singer called him Superman. And Dean had an opinion about who his Lois Lane was.
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51. Happy Ain't a Two-Story Victorian, But it Might Be This by Cuda (Scylla)
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,382 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Episode: s14e15 Peace of Mind, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fake Marriage, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Dean Winchester Tries, Family Issues, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester Bonding
Summary: Sam and Castiel have been on a mission to an Arkansas hamlet, and they haven't checked in. When Dean and Jack trail them to a quiet street in Charming Acres, what they find is nothing like either of them expected. To be honest, cleaning out a nest of vampires might be easier than this, but Dean's going to give it the old college try. Whatever that means.
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52. Milestones and Misunderstandings by klove0511
Part 2 of Milestones 'verse
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,711 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: mildly homophobic!Mary, inappropriate anniversary gifts, protective!Dean, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Season/Series 14, Fluff, Tumblr Prompt, Oblivious!Dean
Summary: There is something different about Sam and Cass. The lingering stares, the intimate touches. The careful whispers and secret smiles. Dean knew it. He was going to get to the bottom of it, one way or another.
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53. Stricta Dormire by klove0511
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Major Character Death | Words: 3,583 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Temporary Character Death, Fairy Tale Type Death, Established Relationship, Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hell Trauma, Season/Series 14 Spoilers, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel, Grief/Mourning, True Love's Kiss
Summary: When Sam is hit by a spell, Cass is the only one that can save him. Meanwhile, Dean is grieving his brother, unaware of the struggle going on within Sam’s mind.
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54. Roadhouse Rough by posingasme
Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 12,738 | Chapters: 10/10
Tags: Curtain Fic, Alcohol, Hurt Sam Winchester, Retired Hunter Sam Winchester, Bartender Sam Winchester, Permanent Injury
Summary: The last tangle with the last archangel ended with an act of spite, from which Sam will never recover. Lucifer’s bitter parting gift to his wayward vessel means Sam’s forced retirement. He runs the hub from his very own Roadhouse, and watches over a powered-down nephilim, while a weakened but recovering Castiel hunts at Dean’s side. It’s a rough life, but someone’s got to do it.
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55. Familiar Spirits by Cuda (Scylla)
M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 6,619 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Wisconsin - Freeform, The Beast of Bray Road, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Season/Series 15, Monster of the Week, Case Fic, Sastiel Secret Santa Exchange, Sastiel - Freeform, Sastiel Secret Santa 2019
Summary: Fills in a little gap of time between 15-7 and 15-8. Sam's on the hunt for Eileen, and winds up on a case in the middle of Wisconsin in December. What seems like a straightforward case of werewolves gets out of hand, when the werewolves turn out to be something Sam's never encountered before. It's Castiel to the rescue, but in the middle of the night in a refrigerator of a forest, one wrong move could be the last one they ever make.
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56. a rock with a hole in it by De_Nugis
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 11,052 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: faerie - Freeform, possibly in some way a Canadian shack fic, except Faerie, Consent Issues, animal death (hunting), Unrequited Destiel, Soulless Sam Winchester, POV Castiel
Summary: Castiel walks back into Faerie with Sam's soul in a jar in his pocket.
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57. Right Now by spideybegins
Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,512 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Comforting Castiel, samcas, Sastiel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 15, Angst, Crying Sam Winchester, Don’t Look at These Messy Tags, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, no beta we die like men
Summary: The one where Cas hears Sam crying and realizes he’s been avoiding the youngest Winchester for much too long. Set somewhere in season 15.
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58. It’s Good to Be Here Again, With You by raisinghellonstarbug
M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,240 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Canon Compliant, Reunions, Mentioned Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sharing a Bed, Season/Series 15, Episode: s15e07 Last Call
Summary: Sam is missing Castiel and doesn't understand why he left. He knows Dean has something to do with it. But then he shows back up just in time before Sam's in real trouble.
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59. wishing too hard for them to stay by angelfishofthelord
Gen | Rating: Not Rated | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,727 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: Episode s15e17 coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, One Shot, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Speculation, POV First Person, POV Sam Winchester [complete tags on Ao3]
Summary: You tell me you’re doing to die, and I don’t yell at you. Instead I say, “Let’s go for a walk.”
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⚠️ Unfinished Fic - last updated in 2013
60. Of Blood And Water by lovedsammy
M/M, Gen | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 20,081 Chapters: 7/?
Tags: 8x23, Fallen Angels, Post Season/Series 08, Hurt/Comfort, Family, Romance, Angst, fallen!cas, Hurt!Sam, Hurt!Cas, Slash, stigmata!sam, Stigmata, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, AU, Season/Series 9 canon divergent, Friendship
Summary: Now AU to season 9! Post-8x23, "Sacrifice". Both of them were wounded, broken, in need of repair; both of them had done things in the name of the greater good and had ultimately failed and caused something or another to bend and break and destroy upon itself. They'd both wrecked themselves to achieve an end, and in turn wrecked others. But they couldn't have been more than two opposites on the end of the spectrum that somehow aligned at the middle-point, and now there was no going back.
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💜💀🖤 Self Rec 💜💀🖤
(because this is a list of my favs, and I wrote it for me)
61. grief and husbands on the interstate by ladygizarme
M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,787 | Chapters: 1/1
Tags: background wincest, background wincestiel - Freeform, they're a polycule but they're sam-centered, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Rimming, Bottom Sam Winchester, Spit As Lube, Wound Tending, Episode: s14e01 Stranger in a Strange Land, part coda, Part fix-it, Polyamory, Anal Sex
Summary: En route from Detroit back to the bunker, Cas makes them stop at a motel. Sam is exhausted, and so is everybody else. But right now, Castiel's priority is Sam, and he knows just what he needs. Part coda, part fix-it to 14x01.
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jemariel · 8 months
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Falling With Style
By Jemariel
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Words: 15,831
Tags: Wingfic, Dean has angel wings, Human Castiel in the Bunker, domestic fluff, wing grooming, flying lessons, love confessions, Cas has self-worth issues, first kiss/first time together, Profound Bond Gift Exchange: Hot Entity Summer
Written for the Profound Bond gift exchange for @eyesandwingsonlyafterdark !! I hope you enjoy 💙💚💖
Summary: Dean's facing a long summer cooped up in the bunker with nothing but his own brand new eight-foot angel wings for company. And Cas, of course. But the former angel is acting super weird about this whole thing, and Dean can't figure out why. He could sure use some help from the expert, though.
(In which Dean learns to fly, and Cas remembers what it's like.)
Read on ao3!
Excerpt and tag list below the cut, let me know if you want to be added to or removed from my tag list!
On this particular Thursday, Dean finds Cas in the library. Deep in the stacks, in a section that mostly contains books on angel lore, as far as Dean knows. He’s got an armload already and is peering with great concentration at the cobwebby shelves.
Jackpot.
Dean sidles closer, winching his wings in tight as they’ll go so they don’t knock anything off the shelves (again). Be a shame to give away the game.
Closer… closer… years of practice keep his feet and breathing quiet until he can count the hairs on the back of Cas’s neck. And then, just as Cas is juggling his books from one arm to the other—
“Whatcha lookin’ for?”
Cas jumps about a half a mile, and a dozen moth-eaten volumes go tumbling to the floor. Sam’s gonna kill him.
Worth it.
“Dean—” Cas exhales, a hand on his chest and murder in the set of his jaw. “What the hell are you doing?”
Dean grins and relaxes his wings a touch. “Just having a little fun,” he says, tongue between his teeth. For some reason, getting a rise out of Cas always gets him giddy. It’s like champagne bubbles under his skin, and ever since he sprouted these feathery intruders, that’s where he feels it the strongest. It’s like all the feathers are standing on end. It’s happened before. Like the time he pretended not to know or care about the Library of Alexandria for an entire hour, and Cas had gone on a righteously livid rant that left him flushed and sweaty. There’d been a chalkboard involved. Or the time Cas had wandered into the kitchen all pre-coffee grumpy in nothing but sweatpants while Dean was making eggs. That hadn’t exactly been Dean getting a rise out of him, but it gave him the goosebumps all the same.
Dean had chosen not to analyze it too closely.
With a glare in Dean’s direction, Cas crouches down to pick up the books, ruddy around the ears. It’s then—looking down at Cas’s head just below waist level—that Dean realizes just how close he’d positioned himself. His wings tingle harder, and his stomach does this funny little twist as he shuffles back to a more respectable distance. Suddenly, he has to swallow a whole mouthful of saliva and clear his throat before he can speak.
“Seriously, what are you doing back here?” he asks. Totally neutral. Completely normal.
Rising to his feet, Cas hands over one of the books. The spine looks like it’s decided to make a break for it, hanging on by a few bare horsehair threads. Dean actually feels bad for a minute before he reads the title.
“Alchemical Properties of Angelic Minutia? Sounds grim.”
Cas nods, still averting his gaze, fingering the dusty pages of a slim, gilt-edged volume. “I was hoping to uncover a solution to your… predicament.”
“Gabe said it would wear off on its own, right?”
One of Cas’s eyebrows climbs toward his hairline. “And you trust him?”
Dean snorts, handing the book back. “Not even half as far as I can throw him, but why would he lie about that?”
“I can think of a dozen reasons. But even assuming there is truth in that, why shouldn’t we try to”—he gestures vaguely with his laden arms—“encourage the process?”
Dean considers, crossing his arms as he leans against a bookshelf. The edge of the shelf digs into his bare bicep, and he shudders to think what kind of dust his feathers are picking up. “It’s not so bad,” he says. “Kinda grateful for the vacation.”
Cas squints at him in flat disbelief. “Dean, you have put up a protest every time Sam has left on a hunt for the last two months.”
“Yeah, well.” How does he explain this? “Netflix ain’t gonna binge itself, right? C’mon. I’ll make some popcorn.”
Cas nods vaguely as Dean slaps him on the shoulder and turns to escape the library. “Give me a moment to… reshelve these, I suppose.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Read more on ao3!
Tag list below:
@magnificent-winged-beast @starsinursa @silvie111 @gneisscastiel @yourspecialeyes @weathergirl83 @daughter-of-the-rain-and-snow @maliciouslycreative @suckerfordeansfreckles @rosemoonweaver @paperwhitenarcissus @maiosaurus @naruhearts @super-powerful-queen-reyna @anironundomiel-blog1 @jasminrogue @onsarah @cassbutt-and-the-righteousbi @elanor-n-evermind @sharkfish @fangirlingtodeath513 @angelarbaugh @psychoticblackhappiness @holyllamabanana-blog @lanaserra @freckles-and-wings @7faerielights @casbean @destielhoneybee @feraladoration @deaneatscake @generaldeliciousness @bre95611 @psychicbouquetblaze-stuff @lizleeillustration @hexentaenzerin @peacewhenuaredone-blog @nickelkeep @ellen-of-oz @malmuses @ltleflrt @archiival @idaaeri @kazshero @depairt
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waynes-multiverse · 2 years
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Plastic Hearts – Series Masterlist
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Pairing: Director!Dean Winchester x Actress!Reader
Series Summary: Los Angeles, 1985. Y/N’s a young actress without any success, hopping from one failed audition to the next until one desperate mistake brings her to her breaking point. Dean Winchester, on the other hand, is a grade A asshole and washed-up director at the end of his career, known for his godawful slasher movies in the 70s and his love for blow, booze, and women. Lost in the toxic Hollywood life, their paths cross when one hopeless little wrestling show changes their trajectory.
Series Warnings: +18!!!, strong language, 80s Hollywood/wrestling AU, mature themes (incl. cheating, miscarriage, abortion, addiction, the casting couch…), sexism/feminism, self-worth issues, dom!director meets sub!actress vibes, humiliation/degradation à la La-La Land, plenty of praise kinks to go ‘round, slow burn, age-gap, one-sided pining, eventual smut but implied throughout, inappropriate jokes & the darkest humor, a lot of wrestling and leotards
A/N: Oh, you guys will hate me for ever creating this series... How do I elevator-pitch this? Dean’s the only cock in a coop full of hens, trying to keep order where chaos reigns. He’s also a sadistic train wreck (*coughs* demon!Dean 😈) and a fucking eccentric genius with a big heart. Convinced yet? Alright... Ooooh, every chapter is also titled after an 80s song and it’s based on the Netflix series GLOW!
So, c’mon, slide into the Impala with me, and let’s take a wild drive on the 101! 😎🤘
Please read the warnings carefully since this series includes a lot of triggering/controversial themes that I will drag through the gutter. Scroll past if it’s not for you. Thank you!
Main Masterlist || Questions?
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1. Holding Out For A Hero 2. Livin’ On A Prayer 3. Separate Ways 4. Every Rose Has Its Thorn 5. Welcome To The Jungle 6. Pour Some Sugar On Me 7. Another Brick In The Wall 8. Hot For Teacher 9. Hungry Like The Wolf 10. The Boys Of Summer 11. Glory Days 12. The Warrior 13. Gimme All Your Lovin’ 14. Can’t Fight This Feeling 15. Sweet Child O’ Mine 16. Things Can Only Get Better 17. Voulez-Vous 18. I Hate Myself For Loving You 19. Hit Me With Your Best Shot 20. Don’t You Want Me 21. Rock You Like A Hurricane 22. Girls, Girls, Girls 23. Every Breath You Take – April 27 24. Don’t Dream It’s Over – May 04 25. Dare – May 11
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deancasbigbang · 7 months
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Title: The Things We Leave behind
Author: Briston
Artist: Merv (fruitmixtape)
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Dean/Cas
Length: 52000
Warnings: minor character death, discussion of historical child abuse, substance use disorder.
Tags: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Divorce Arc, Bad Parent John Winchester, Alcohol Abuse, Rehab, Discussion of Cheating, Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Recovering Alcoholic Dean Winchester
Posting Date: October 31, 2023
Summary: Cas has been getting progressively worried about Dean’s drinking for a while but mentioning it only causes tension in their marriage. The sudden death of Dean’s father brings everything to the breaking point. After a particularly bad fight, his husband seeks solace in whiskey and flirty women in the aftermath. When Cas finds out, he decides he’s had his fill, packs his bags, and leaves. Sam lives in California and has built a career as a well respected addictions counselor. When Cas calls to tell him that Dean is missing on a bender and their marriage is likely over, he drops everything to come to Kansas to find his brother. Dean clearly needs help. Sam convinces him to go with him to California and go through a rehab program. Dean only agrees because Cas refuses to have anything to do with him unless he stops drinking permanently. If he can't, their marriage is finished. Along the way, Sam and Dean discover that their father left them with more than just painful memories of a traumatic childhood. Their half-brother Adam might be exactly who they need to help pull all the fractured pieces together. Cas is giving Dean one last chance to turn things around. Nothing is easy, but maybe it’s still worth fighting for.
Excerpt: “You know the only difference that would have made was that you would be as miserable as he was.” Cas grabbed both of their toothbrushes and toothpaste from the ensuite bathroom, tossing Dean’s his way. “I could’ve tried harder to get him to quit, go to rehab or something.” The toiletries went in the bag with some deodorant, a flannel, and some denim. He shot Cas a dirty look when he heard him huff in exasperation. “How many times did you ask him to quit? Remember when Sam flew in for an intervention? He’s a professional addictions counselor and the only thing that happened was that Sam flew home with a black eye and a refusal to ever come back.” “That’s just because they’re too much alike and can’t stop themselves from fighting.” Dean was starting to raise his voice. Cas wasn’t having any of it. “No,” he knew he sounded snarky as shit but was so very tired of having the same argument about John Winchester’s parenting skills. “It’s because your father is a narcissistic asshole with undiagnosed mental health issues that he self-medicates with whiskey.” Dean walked around the bed to where Cas was and grabbed his arm. The grip wasn’t rough but it wasn’t gentle either. His green eyes were anguished and pleading.   “Don’t say that, he could be dying right now.” Somewhere deep down Cas knew he should be feeling guilty about just how little empathy he had for John right then. He’d feel more compassion for a complete stranger than he did for the man who had hurt Dean again and again, both as a child and as an adult. He felt a small flash of resentment at having to defend Dean from his own negative thinking. “It was always going to be this way with him, Dean. Every counselor you’ve ever had has told you the same thing for years. You are not responsible for fixing him. Don’t kill yourself trying to be accepted by someone who doesn’t even deserve you.”
DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule
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noxemma · 6 months
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Suptober 2023 - Day 4: Nimbus
I Can See Your Halo
Word Count: 2,232
Rating: Teen and Up
Tags: Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Sam loves meddling, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, idk if thats the right tag, Fluff, just a lot of fluff and pretty halos, Established Eileen Leahy/Sam, WinchesterSuptober 2023 (Supernatural), no beta we die like men
Summary: Sam goes to Eileen's for the weekend, which means Dean has the bunker all to himself. It's fun ... until it's not.
Bored and lonely, he digs through some Men of Letters artifacts and stumbles on one that makes magical artifacts glow. Cas drops in and educates Dean on what the glasses really show.
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