#dean/cas + guilt

[shallowseeker]

Dean has some emotional baggage when it comes to perceiving the worth of his own life

Dean thinks about how he lives at the expense of another person. (Faith)

Dean knows that Castiel is in his life is at the expense of Amelia & Claire’s happiness. (The Rapture)

And because I don’t think he’s dumb, I think he really thinks about that. And it’s a big part of why he won’t let himself be happy. He takes the bare minimum. (Nihilism)

[shallowstories]

fic where dean starts to dream about day-to-day life with cas

and like clockwork, someone always comes in and kills one of them

the killer is always someone he or cas is alive at the expense of

and then dean wakes up and feels the guilt and the shame wash over him anew

[foundgirlpigeon]

Sorry guys my hand slipped </3

[destiel-wings]

this scene is so dear to me there's nothing more intimate than letting someone inside your head i can't even--

no because HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD YOU LET INSIDE YOUR HEAD??? *literally, to see EVERYTHING*

[hauntedpearl]

dean experiencing desire as shame, because it's debasing to want something, because it means something to acknowledge that you have needs and are not untouchable and aren't an instrument to be used by someone, without an expiration date, without a breaking point v/s cas experiencing desire as guilt, as violence inflicted on someone against their will, as an indulgence that is forbidden and. and unnatural, because maybe if he didn't experience this, maybe he wouldn't have made the mistakes he did, maybe he wouldn't have wrecked the world. but he can't be ashamed of it because it's a high, it's beautiful in its own way, it's. exhilarating. so. the guilt.

but. amazingly. somehow. VICE VERSA

[s0fter-sin]

sometimes i think about how much of a waste it was to just have cas ignoring sam’s prayers in s6 instead of him actually not being able to hear him bc he was soulless and his prayers didn’t work

[vaicomcas]

Introduction of the Other

s12e3 ""fake agents" scene. "This is my partner"

S13e6 "fake agents" scene. "Here is my associate"

[soullessjack]

me incoherently yapping about how the revival should be a prodigal son type of thing between jack and dean to pick up from how season 14 frames them as Abraham and Isaac and have actual reconciliation between them since we never fully got it by the end of s15

[angelsdean]

i have many different dean killed john headcanons. sometimes he kills him in cold blood. often after finding out john killed mary. or john’s possessed by azazel. or john wants to kill sam. but one variant that’s also very delicious and compelling is....dean kills him on accident. dean kills him like jack kills mary. maybe one days john just gets in dean’s face too much and dean snaps. maybe they get into a fight and dean punches back for once and john’s neck snaps in a way it shouldn’t. dean kills john and he didn’t mean to but it’s done and he can’t take it back and he’s scared and alone so he goes to find his brother, and makes up a story to get sam to come with him because he can’t be alone right now, he can’t be alone with his thoughts he feels sick and every time he looks down he sees blood on his hands. and yea, chuck brings john back because he’s telling a different story and john doesn’t remember what happened but dean does. and then years and years later the kid he’s been looking at like a son does the same thing to mary and he’s wracked with guilt and contradictory feelings because he gets it, he knows accidents happen and no one’s to blame, yet he still feels so guilty about what he did years ago, and maybe he’s projecting a little too much when he lashes out at jack and maybe his reaction isn’t about jack at all, but about him and how nearly fifteen years later he still can’t forgive himself  

[forestofsprites]

i'm at 33 bastardly pages of notes from my research this afternoon, and the absolute best that i have to show for it is my desperation to explore cas's confession and death through the lens of death sentence speeches & subsequent executions in 17th/18th century england!!!!!!!!

[ardentpoop]

how powerful sam would be if he and dean weren't attached at the hip. tragic

[shallowseeker]

Wherein Cas has not just blinded Pamela...he's blinded Dean.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is wing'd cupid painted blind." - William Shakespeare

///

(Flashback to Pamela's eyes being burned out) DEAN: (looks at Pamela, whose eyes are now pure white) You're blind? PAMELA: Yeah, I've been blind for a while. Thank Feathers here for that one. CASTIEL: That was -- Dean, that was an accident. ♪ And I'm searchin' for a rainbow ♪ SAM: Dean, she's not just blind. She's dead. Pamela died helping us. (Flashback to Pamela dying after being stabbed) DEAN: (back in the bar, Dean looks around and Pamela is gone) No. No, no, no, no. Guys, this is -- this is my life. This -- This is the dream. CASTIEL: No, no, it's not. It's just a dream, Dean. That's all it is.

[shallowstories]

Dean/Cas + Love is blind

Pamela in 14x10 Nihilism represents guilt

(Cas is in Dean's life at the expense of others)

But she also represents not being able to really see Cas

(And now that there's an angel hurling Dean into the depths of his own mine, he's FORCED to look at what that means)

(Cas did this to someone)

(Dean's been playing house all this time and--)

(--and he's staying willfully blind to what Cas is on account of being in love with him)

(He's not human he's not human he did this to someone too oh god oh no)

[autisticandroids]

DEAN: Cas, I just can't...

[youtube]

dean's perspective on godstiel arc. the way cas failed him. the feeling of abandonment. the obligation to control. affection for cas souring on his tongue as the imaginary idol he built in his mind shatters. the trials and tribulations of being the center of the universe.

that is not my lover and that's not even my friend.

[hauntedpearl]

dean @ cas.

so what if i keep posting the best parts of ttwoat as i write it's fun!

[latinocas]

What if some of Cas grace stayed with Claire when he used her as a vessel, and Claire used it to heal the fatal wound of her assigned love interest, or get rid of a demon possessing the girl or help her control her powers.

And once it's over Claire sees her hand imprinted on the girls shoulder maybe, or around hee wrist or on her shoulder blades or whatever.

Claire goes investigating, but she refuse to ask Castiel and she finds a fallen angel to interrogate, and they just tell her. Cas was the only other angel who left such physical evidence. No idea why. Apparently it was a choice or something.

And when Claire finally asks Cas, he's silent for a minute. Sam and Dean are losing their minds over the fact Claire was using residing grace, but Cas is just unfocused, smiling softly but sadly.

Sam wonders if it is how that time Cas tattooed Enochian sigils on their ribs, which yes, but not, because it is more... It is like... Dean's handprint.

Sam stares. Cas stares back. Dean blushes.

And finally Claire groans in mortification because oh God, is she angel married?

You can imagine the rest.