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navybluebitch · 2 years

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At Your Service

Eddie Munson x Female!reader

SUMMARY: School freak, Eddie Munson, and loner, Y/N Y/L/N, have gone through school ignoring each other despite both of them being treated as outcasts. Whereas, Eddie enjoyed publicly defying societal standards, Y/N was quiet and preferred to keep to yourself. In fact, she often thought that Eddie’s spiels were overly dramatic and thought he was dumb for being held back. When Y/N starts going through a rough patch she begrudgingly resorts to Eddie, who helps her in more ways than one.

WARNINGS: smutttt, masturbation, P in V sex, using drugs as escapism, mentions of depressive feelings and anxiety (kinda)

Word Count: 9k

A/N: This is set between season 3 and 4 but there are some allusions to season 4 events if that makes sense. This is my first time writing fanfiction so I hope you guys like it! This ended up being way longer than I expected. Also, I’ve never smoked pot or done drugs so I’m not sure how accurate my descriptions of it are. Please feel free to give me any feedback. Enjoy your stay!

You had been with the gang from the beginning. Through the demogorgons, the Russians, and the Mind Flayer. You never seemed to be too affected by it. There was the occasional nightmare, but nothing like now.

It had been two months since the mall fire. You had lost Jim who was like a father figure for you. When you had moved to Hawkins in third grade, your father had just died. You moved to Hawkins because your dad’s best friend, whom he had met during the war, Jim Hopper, was the sheriff there. Your mother didn’t want to stay where you currently were but she didn’t know where to go. She had a sister, but they didn’t get along. When Jim found out about your dad, he had promised your mother that he would help you guys if you moved to Hawkins, so you did.

Throughout the years, you had begun viewing him as a father figure; he was always there for you when you needed it and since he had lost his own daughter, he became very protective of you. He and your mom also became very good friends; your mom would help him out by cleaning and cooking for him so didn’t have to eat the same thing everyday. They were both also grieving so it became a habit to find them talking in the kitchen at 1:00 AM sharing their grievances, or even just drinking and smoking in silence.

Losing him in the fire was devastating. You didn’t even have a body that you could bury.

Billy Hargrove had also died. Well, he had sacrificed himself and that made you feel guilty. When the Mind Flayer was going to attack El, you stood between her and it. When Hopper had taken El, you started caring for the girl, helping babysit her while Hopper was working. You knew how much Hopper loved her, how much you loved her, so you couldn’t fathom her dying. However, Billy pushed you aside and he was killed by the Mind Flayer. You didn’t know him well. He was an asshole, yet he became very popular the moment he arrived in Hawkins. You weren’t very popular. Your best friend was Jonathan; he shared your love for photography so you had quickly become friends. So, Hargrove hadn't been the nicest to you.

However, you couldn’t help the guilt that consumed you knowing that he had died instead of you. What broke your heart the most was the way Max had reacted and the way she had begun to pull herself away from everyone. You liked Max; she was very funny and just like the other kids, you had developed a connection with her. As she started pulling away, so did you. The grief and guilt were too much. On top of that, your best friend and El had moved to California. You couldn’t blame Joyce for her decision, hell, you wished to leave this place as well, but you had hoped El would’ve stayed with you and your mom.

So many people you loved were gone and all the shit that had happened the past years had been building up inside you like a snowball. You had always kept it inside, insisting you were fine. But you weren't and the paralyzing fear, guilt, and anxiety had catch up to you. You needed an escape.

You entered Family Video for your afternoon shift. Steve and Robin had been working the morning shift. They had insisted you join them, but you declined. During the summer, you had worked with them at Chips Ahoy. You had already grown close to Steve as you were usually left in charge of the kids along with him. You didn’t mind. You found out that Steve was actually a really cool guy and you had grown to love him (and develop a crush on him). You had dated for a few months at the end of senior year. He was your first kiss and your first time. You liked him a lot but you could tell he was still in love with Nancy so you decided to break up with him. It was an amicable break up and if, anything, had made your friendship stronger.

You had grown close to Robin. She was weird and you liked that. You guys had become an inseparable trio, but you’ve been avoiding hanging out with them as much as you can. You loved them, but you felt like you didn’t deserve them. Also, you just wanted to be alone, even if that meant dealing with the intrusive thoughts alone.

You couldn’t feel peace anywhere; you were barely sleeping, every noise sending you into a frenzy. You needed something to make you forget or else you would go crazy. Make you forget running from the demogorgons in the dark forest. Make you forget being stuck in the upside down. Make you forget watching Billy die after he pushed you out of the Mind Flayer’s way. Make you forget burying an empty casket for Jim.

As you were cleaning the counter, you heard the bell ding. You looked up to see Eddie Munson, resident freak AND drug dealer. This was it. He could give you what you wanted, what you so desperately needed. You saw him looking through the horror section, impatiently waiting for him to go to the cash register.

After what seemed to be the longest 5 minutes of your life, which was saying something considering you have spent 5 minutes running away from monsters, Eddie approached you at the register.

He had a horror movie and a porno. You rolled your eyes when he handed it to you. He was such a guy after all.

“What? Never seen a guy buy a porno before?” he asked.

“Too many for my liking,” you replied. “It’ll be five dollars.”

As he reached into his pockets you wondered if buying drugs from him was a good idea. You didn’t really do drugs; you had smoked some weed with Steve a couple times but that was it. You were more of a drinker, taking after your mom, but even blacking out couldn’t liberate you from your terrors. Plus, blacking out left you with a killer headache and worse mood. You needed something that would calm you, put your mind somewhere else.

You had planned to buy drugs from the usual guy that Steve bought from, but to your luck he had been busted a week ago. You didn't know any other drug dealers beside Eddie and at this point you didn’t feel like you could go any longer like this, so he would have to do.

“Do you have any weed on you right now,” you blurted. He looked at you with wide eyes before smirking. He rested his forearms on the counter and leaned in closer to you, tilting his head to the side a little.

“Why do you want it?”

“To smoke,” you said dryly. He rolled his eyes at you. “What else would I want it for Munson. Do you have it or not?”

“I don’t have it on me right now. I have it at my place. When do you get out from work?”

“Nine,” you replied.

“Come by my place after work. You have a pen and paper?” he asked. You grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and handed it to him. He wrote down his address and gave you the piece of paper back.

"Don’t leave me hanging, sweetheart,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes and handed him the movies. “Here’s your porno, sir, have a good day.”

As he left the store, you couldn’t help but feel relieved. You would get the weed, maybe something else as well, and you would be fine. Everything would be fine... thanks to Eddie Munson.

After closing the store, you walked to your car and turned on the radio. As you began driving to Eddie’s, the song “Should I Stay or Should I Go” came on. You smiled sadly as your remembered Jonathan and Will. You had been there when Jonathan first showed that song to Will. You had been there when that song was used to help bring the Will you all loved back from the Mind Flayer’s hold.

Your mind started dragging to being in the upside down. You remembered how scared you were, how much you wanted to leave. But most importantly, you remembered missing your dad, wishing he was there to comfort you. You remember being saved by Jim and him hugging you. You felt a tear slip from your eye and you let it slide down your cheek.

You started speeding up, wanting to get to Eddie’s as soon as possible. You would be okay.

Ten minutes later you arrived at a trailer park. You were looking for his trailer when you saw his horribly parked van. You parked next to his van, and as you were looking for your wallet you heard the trailer door open. Eddie was standing there waiting for you. You guess he had heard your car arrive.

“Aww, were you looking out the window waiting for me, Munson,” you teased as you got out of your car.

“Always M’Lady,” he replied, bringing his hands up and clutching his heart, “It felt like centuries passed before I was blessed with your presence once again.”

You walked closer to him and he moved aside so you could go inside. The inside looked just like you expected. It was quite messy, but you kind of liked it. You turned your head and were met with a wall full of mugs. You wondered Eddie collected them or if his uncle did. You didn't know much about Eddie, just stuff you heard around, but you knew he lived with his uncle.

“Soooo, this is my castle,” he stated while motioning around, “the maids are on vacation right now. I know. I know. I’m such generous man, you don’t have to say it.”

“Where’s the butler,” you asked. He looked at you with a frown, “I had to fire him because the last dinner party he planned was a disaster. He had the maids serve steak only, can you believe that?”

You fake gasped, “Oh no, how cheap. Unbelievable!”

Although you were enjoying the stupid little conversation you were having, you wanted to get what you came for and leave. So before he could start speaking again, you said, “So how much for half an ounce?”

He seemed a little disappointed that you were putting an end to the playful banter. “I’ll give it to you for 25.” He walked towards the small kitchen table and opened a metal lunchbox. You took the money out from your wallet.

“You know, I’ll give it to you for 20 if you smoke it with me,” he called out from the kitchen. You walked towards him and scoffed.

“Are you trying to buy my company, Munson? That is no way to run a business,” you teased.

“What can I say? Pleasure trumps business, Miss Y/L/N,” he said smirking. You lightly hit his arm and then pointed at the porno he had bought a few hours earlier that now rested on his kitchen table.

“I think you have enough pleasure,” you grimaced. “By the way, I wouldn’t put that on your kitchen table. You know there’s a lot of guys who have checked that movie out.”

He scrunched his face. “Why would you say that,” he whined. He handed you the bag of weed. “You smoke before... or do you need a tutorial, which I’m more than willing to give you.”

“I know how to smoke, Munson.” His offer was kind of tempting, but you just wanted to be in your room alone, smoking and listening to music. “Thanks, but I’ll have to pass on that tutorial.”

You turned around and started walking towards the door. He beat you to the door and opened it for you. “Here, M’lady. My door is always open for you.”

As you walked by him, the smell of weed consumed your senses and you finally noticed how his eyes were a bit red. He was high. The red tinge in his eyes made them so much more alluring.

You walked down the steps towards your car. As you opened your door, you turned to see him standing there. You waved a little goodbye, which he returned with a two handed wave and a bow. He was so dramatic. You always found that annoying at school. You felt that he was similar to that Jason guy that was a year below you. They were on opposite ends of the social spectrum, but their theatric antics were similar.

However, you could admit that Eddie was charismatic. He had a kind of charm and you realized how much of a fresh breath of air it was. Although you loved your friends, it seemed they had been cautious around you these past months since the accident. You couldn’t blame them; you had changed and it was noticeable. Some days you were very irritable.

When you arrived at your house, it was already 10:30 pm. You had driven slower this time, hoping you would find your mother asleep. You had a good relationship with your mother. However, she was quite overprotective of you and would constantly ask you if you were okay. You loved that she cared for you, but it was overwhelming sometimes. You also didn’t want to worry her.

When you opened the door, you saw that your mother was asleep on the couch. You quietly closed the door and walked towards her. You covered her with the nearest blanket you could find and went upstairs. Once you got to your room, you took off your work clothes and put on an oversized t-shirt. You sat on the floor with your back against your bed. You grabbed your walkman and put your favorite cassette on.

You messily rolled your joint and began smoking it. The smoke filling your lungs and you felt yourself relaxing. The combination of the loud music in your ears and the weed made it hard for your thoughts to take over. As you finished smoking, you could feel yourself on cloud 9. With the thoughts buried in the back of your head, you were able to focus on...different emotions.

Your mind started drifting to Eddie Munson. You remembered the way his hands looked when giving you the bag of weed. His ring clad fingers were slender and your mind drifted to how they would feel. The way they could wrap around your throat, or trace your spine as he bent you over the table. Wait.

Your eyes flew open and you started laughing. Were you seriously thinking about Eddie Munson that way?

“Wowwww, this weed is pretty strong,” you said to yourself. You closed your eyes again and once again, your mind started drifting to Eddie. You had never been in such close proximity to him even though you had known him since middle school. Well, unless you count sophomore year when you were both in the principal’s office; you were receiving an award and he had been caught ditching class, again. No wonder he hasn’t graduated.

You had to admit he was pretty good-looking, though. He had those wide brown eyes. You wondered how they would look up at you as his head was buried between your thighs. Almost involuntarily, your hand began descending your body, slipping underneath your underwear. Your fingers ran up and down your slit, collecting your wetness. Fuck, I really need to get laid, you thought.

The last person you had sex with was Andrew Brown. He was a regular at Scoops Ahoy and he had asked you out on date. You dated for a month. The sex was okay, definitely not as good as your previous partner, Steve, but it did the job.

But now, as your fingers slowly circled your clit, all you could think about was Eddie Munson. The smell of weed permeating in your room reminding you of the way he smelled, making you imagine that he was there with you. You imagined that it was his fingers slipping in and out of you, making you squirm as he kissed your neck.

As you increased your speed, all you could think of was Eddie doing the same thing you were doing right now. Was he watching the porno and masturbating? You could imagine him sitting on his couch, head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, as he pumped his dick with his fist. Slowly at first, but more desperate as he neared his orgasm. You could imagine him thrusting up into his fist, eager to cum. The thought of him cumming all over hand and shirt had you increasing your speed; pumping your fingers in and out your cunt faster. You brought your other hand down to rub your clit once again. Your breathing becoming more erratic. The thought of him moaning as he came was the final straw for you. You came undone on your fingers, a softly whispered “Eddie” leaving your lips.

Unbeknownst to you, a similar scene to the one your mind had conjured up had unfolded three miles away from your house. Eddie had, in fact, been watching the porno. He had been sitting on the couch, his hand wrapped around his cock, pre cum leaking out of the tip. His mind had drifted to your encounter earlier that night. He hadn’t meant to think about you as he jerked off, but the girl in the porno looked a little too similar to you. The same hair color and the same eyes. The cadence of her voice the same as yours. As the girl in the movie got on her knees and took the guy’s cock in her mouth, Eddie had closed his eyes and imagined you were on your knees in front of him. His hands gathering your hair into a ponytail, your eyes looking up at him while your mouth was stuffed with his dick. He leaned over a little and spit on his cock and began pumping his hand faster. He threw his head back, pleasure overwhelming his senses.

“Does that feel good,” said the actress, but by the time it reached Eddie’s ear, your voice had replaced hers. He gave a small nod. He began thinking back to the way your shirt hugged your tits, the way your thighs looked in your jeans. He remembered the way your plump lips looked as you replied to his comments. As he got closer to his orgasm, he began thrusting up into his fist, wishing it your pussy as you rode him. He wondered how tight and warm you would feel around his dick, your tits bouncing in his face. That was enough to send him over the edge. He came all over his hand and shirt, your name falling out of his mouth in a soft whine.

Three days later, you were working the morning shift at Family Video. Steve and Robin were also working the shift. Now that you were getting high before each shift, it felt like everything was back to normal. Your trio dynamic began feeling like it used to when you worked at Chips Ahoy. However, you only had a little bit of weed left. You weren't the best at rolling joints, so you went through them pretty fast. You had been smoking two each night to keep the bad thoughts away. You were thinking of going to see Eddie after your shift; it was a Saturday so he was probably home.

The thought of seeing him was a bit daunting. After the night you touched yourself to the thought of him, he’s all you could think of. But, you knew that fucking him would be a bad idea. He’s your dealer now and he’s Eddie “The Freak” Munson. Although the Eddie in your scenario gave you a mind blowing and much needed orgasm, the real Eddie wouldn’t. He was probably a virgin and like every other guy, only concerned with his own pleasure. You weren’t going to be the girl to pop his cherry.

Four hours into your shift, your boss made an appearance. You had only met him once when you started the job. He was never around so it caught you three by surprise when he arrived, especially since you and Robin were on the counter playing tic tac toe while Steve was in the romance section flirting, or possibly making out, with a girl named Claire. You and Robin quickly jumped of the counter and began making yourselves busy. You began wiping down the counters and Robin pretended to organize the clearance section in the front of the store.

“Hey champs,” your boss, Robert, said, “Just popping in to see how sales are going.”

“Hello, sir, sales are good, it’s a bit slow but good overall,” you said with a forced smile.

“Well, maybe if you two dolls looked a little more cheerful sales would be a bit better, don’t you think?” he said while looking between you and Robin.

You both gave a small nod and you knew that Robin was thinking the same thing you were, what a douche.

An hour later, Robert was still in the store. He had pulled up a chair and was sitting in the register counter, and to your luck he had assigned you the register. He just kept talking and talking pure nonsense and if you didn’t need the job, you would’ve quit right on the spot.

Steve and Robin were both helping clients out when the door bell rang. You looked up and saw none other than Eddie Munson with the two movies he had rented the other day. He had already seen the porno. Your made up scenario came back to your mind and you wondered if maybe it had happened. As he walked he looked right at you and smiled.

“Y/L/N, long time no see, madame.”

"Welcome to Family Video, how can I help you,” you said with a tight lipped smile. Eddie looked confused so you gestured to your boss with your eyes, hoping Eddie would get the hint. A loom of realization seemed to cross his face and he gave a little nod.

“Helloooooo, I’m here to return these two movies. I gotta say, between you and me, this porno was the best one yet that I’ve seen,” he said lowering his voice as to pretend like he’s trying to be discreet, but high enough that your boss would still hear. You stifled a laugh when your boss started choking on his water.

“You alright there, sir?” said Eddie in a falsely polite voice. “Was I a but crude for you liking? My sincerest apologies,” he said, bringing his hand up to his heart, “but you really do have the best pornos.”

Your boss looked so uncomfortable and in that moment you were so thankful for Eddie. “Thank you. On behalf of Family Video I am glad that your viewing experience was successful,” you say to Eddie.

“Oh, it very much was,” he says winking at you and the image of him cumming is once again planted in your mind.

“Is there anything else I can help you with,” you say, trying your best to ignore the pink of his lips and the way his hands look when he brings them up to his face, pretending to ponder your question.

“Yes, actually, could you be a dear and help me choose a movie. I was thinking porno, obviously, but with a little more romance. I’m a romantic, what can I say.”

“Sure thing follow me.” Eddie waited for you to exit the counter before following you. As you led him to the adult section, which was kind of weird considering it’s called Family Video, he couldn’t help but stare at your ass. He looked up when you turned around to make sure that he was following you. He hoped you hadn’t seen him checking you out, but you did and honestly you liked it.

When you got to the adult section, you let out a soft laugh, “Oh god, did you see his face?”

Eddie started laughing too. “He looks like such a prick,” he said.

“Oh you have no idea. He’s been sitting there with me for the past hour and I think he’s spent like 40 minutes staring at my boobs and the other 20 minutes talking about how successful he is.” You both laughed harder.

After you gained control of yourselves, you said, “I was actually hoping to see you-”

“Miss me already?” he interrupted with a smirk, leaning against the shelves.

“You wish, Munson. Actually, I wanted to buy more weed. I wasn’t sure if I should just show up at your trailer or ask you beforehand,” you said leaning against the opposite shelf, facing him.

“I brought some in my car this time. What time do you get off work today?”

You looked at your wrist, but remembered you had forgotten to wear your watch. The store clock was too far away for you to distinguish the time.

“It’s 1:30,” said Eddie realizing what you were looking for.

“I get out in 30 minutes. Should I just go to your place?”

“I’ll wait,” he says with a cheeky smile, “anything for my best client.”

“Best client already, huh,” you say pushing yourself away from the shelf and walking the short distance between you two. Once you’re right in front of him, he also pushes himself off the shelf, staring into your eyes. His lips look so inviting that you just want to reach up and kiss him.

“I’ll meet you at your car,” you whisper unintentionally. The close proximity making it easy for him to hear what you said. “Don’t get too anxious.”

“I can’t make any promises,” he says, eyes flicking to your lips for a second. You hear footsteps approaching on your right so yo quickly step back.

“This is our full collection of movies right now. Do you see any-” you begin to say but stop as you see Steve and Robin appear. They look between you and Eddie with a confused look on their faces. Eddie looks at them and then looks back at you. You flick your eyes to the door, hoping he’ll get the hint and leave.

“Okay, well I’m going to head out, I guess,” he says starting to walk backwards. He bumps into a shelf, knocking over a few DVDs. He tries to pick them up but you stop him, “It’s okay I'll take care of it,” you say grabbing the DVD from his hands, your fingers softly grazing his. He give a little nod and leaves the store.

You turn to look at Steve and Robin and you see that they were looking at you even more confused you than before. “What?,” you ask while bending over to pick the remaining DVDs off the floor.

“What was that?,” they both asked at the same time. “Were you talking to the Freak Munson,” asked Steve in disbelief.

“I was talking to a customer, okay? I’m just doing my job. By the way, did douchebert leave already?” you ask trying to change the subject away from Eddie. You know you weren't doing anything wrong, you were just buying weed from a guy and that guy just happened to be school’s freak. It’s not a big deal. However, you knew Steve and Robin would make a big deal out of it and if they asked any further questions, you may or may not end up babbling about your lustful thoughts.

“Ugh, yes he left like 10 minutes ago, finally!” exclaimed Robin, “He going off about teenagers being off the rails or something like that.” He had left because of Eddie. That made you smile inside. As you were putting the last DVD on the shelf, Robin snatched it from your hands and started talking about how you guys should watch it with her to pass time until the end of your shift. She pretty much ran to the register while you and Steve walked slowly behind.

“Hey, so you and Munson,” he started.

“There’s no me and Munson, Steve,” you said annoyed.

“I’m just saying, you guys looked a little close there,” he said bringing his hands up in the air. You stopped walking and he halted, too.

“Look, just because you want to fuck every girl that comes in here doesn’t mean I want to fuck every guy that comes in.”

“Okay, okay,” he said pouting a little, “you don’t have to be so mean.”

“I’m not mean, I’m just telling the truth,” you shrug. You place your arm around his shoulder, “Come on let’s go watch the movie or else Robin is gonna kill us.”

Thirty minutes into the movie, you say your goodbyes, despite much protest from both Steve and Robin, and head out. They still had an hour left until their shift ended.

You walked outside to the parking lot, but didn’t see Eddie’s van. Had her gotten tired of waiting and left? You start walking behind Family Video to where your car is. You usually use the back door but this time you had gone out the front because of Eddie. When you reach the back parking lot, you see Eddie’s van parked there, but you couldn’t see Eddie in the driver’s seat. As you started walking towards the van, someone jumped out from behind Steve’s car making you jump.

“Hey Princess,” said Eddie with smile.

You brought your hand up to your chest,” Jesus Christ Eddie.” You slapped his shoulder, “You fucking scared me. I thought you had left.”

“Me, leave? I said I was gonna wait for you,” he said.

“I know but I didn’t see you,” you said walking towards his van, him following you. As you approached the van, you slowed down to let him lead. He walked towards the back and opened the doors. You saw the same metal lunch box that he had taken the weed out when you were at his trailer.

“Half ounce again?,” he said looking at you.

“Ummm, I think ounce would be better.” He looked at you and chuckled.

“You know, you went through that half ounce pretty fast,” he said, “I wasn’t expecting you to come back for more until at least a week.”

“Yeah, I didn’t either,” you said looking straight ahead, “I’m not the best at rolling joints so I think that may be the problem.”

“I could teach you,” he says as he sits down in his van, “that way you won’t be going through them too fast. Although, that would mean I would see you less which-”

The small smile you had on your face while listening to Eddie slowly disappeared as a strange noise reached your ears. It sounded like...a clock? It didn't make any sense but you could hear it getting closer. What creeped you out the most was how familiar it sounded. You’ve heard countless of clocks, yet this one had a strangely distinct sound that-

You froze. A cold shiver running up your spine. Everything seemed to slow down as you identified the sound. It was the same sound you had periodically heard while you were in the upside down. You closed your eyes and shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the memories that were flooding your brain. When you opened you eyes, you were expecting to see the head full of shaggy hair, Eddie’s brown eyes underneath, but instead you were met with a deserted parking lot. The only car there was Eddie’s van, but his lively presence was replaced with thick, intertwined vines. The sunny sky was now bleeding red, a sickening cloud of fog making it difficult to breathe comfortably.

No no no no, this couldn’t be. You couldn’t be there. Not again, please. It was getting harder for you to breathe. The ticking sound seemed to grow louder and it was accompanied by screams. Billy. You turned in circles trying to figure out where the sounds were coming from, but they were coming from every direction.

“Y/N,” a deep voice said tauntingly, “why did you let him die? You should’ve died. You were a coward. It is all your fault.”

The word dead seemed to reverberate all around you. You covered your ears, falling to your knees. There was too much noise: the clock, Billy screaming, the voice taunting you.

“Stop,” you yelled, “please stop.” You were sobbing, rocking back and forth, pressing your hands harder against your ears. The attempts were futile, the noise around you far too loud to be diminished by your mere hands. You felt like you were going crazy. How could this be happening? How had you ended up in the Upside Down? El had closed the gates. This had to be a nightmare, your mind playing a bad trick on itself.

In the midst of the chaos, you heard a voice calling your name. It wasn’t the same taunting, sneering voice that was shaming you. It was a worried and slightly panicked voice.

“Y/N!...Y/N!...Y/N!,” it shouted. It was Eddie. You looked around trying to find his voice. It was so fragile compared to the other noises, but it was there. With all the energy you could muster, you got up. You rubbed your blurry eyes, trying to find Eddie. Had he somehow been sucked into the Upside Down? You walked closer to the back of the van and his voice intensified, but he was nowhere in sight. You remembered he had been sitting inside the van, so you crawled inside, trying to avoid the slimy vines that decorated the interior.

Once you got inside, his voice seemed to be right in your ear. You felt yourself shaking but you weren’t sure what was making you shake. You heard one final “Y/N!” before you felt yourself falling, closing your eyes out of fear.

A few seconds later, you felt hands on your shoulders, cars driving, and birds chirping.

“Y/N, can you hear me? What’s wrong,” you heard Eddie say, his voice a few inches away from your face.

You opened your eyes, albeit reluctantly, fearing that this might be some sort of trick and you were still in the Upside Down. You were met with Eddie’s concerned face; his mouth in a small frown, his eyes searching your face. Seeing his face made you feel relieved, so much so that you felt like crying. You were so scared and confused and you had just experienced something that you had been actively avoiding. You were smoking to forget all this and yet you had just had the most vivid experience of the one place you hated the most.

“I’m okay,” you said, your voice quavering a little, “I’m good.” Eddie looked at you unconvinced.

“You were in this like trance for five minutes. You couldn’t hear me and your eyes were closed. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I guess I’m just tired. I worked the closing shift last night and I had the opening shift this morning,” you partially lied. You knew Eddie could tell that you weren’t all that fine, but he didn’t say anything else and just nodded.

“Okay... well can you come inside the van so I can give you the weed? Just in case cops are driving around.” You nod and walk the few steps toward the van, your legs wobbling a little and your mind drifting to how you had just done this not even 5 minutes ago. You climb in the back of his van and he closes the doors.

“Here’s your ounce,” he says passing you the bag, “and my offers still stand you know?”

“What offer,” you say confused before you vaguely remember what he had been talking about before you had been transported to the Upside Down, “Oh actually I’ll take you up on that.”

“Really?,” he asks surprised. You shake your head yes. You didn't;’t know what had happened to you a few moments earlier. All you knew was that you did not want to go there again and Eddie’s voice had been the one to get you out of there. Although it may sound selfish, you figured that maybe by being near him you wouldn’t have that vision again, or he would bring you back if you did. It was fucked up, you realized, because what if something went wrong? What if he couldn’t bring you back and something bad happened? Something supernatural? You could only hope it didn’t happen, and at this point, you would take your chances.

“Hey, do have anything stronger than weed?,” you ask quietly. He looks at you with the same surprised look he had given you when you first asked him for weed.

“I do,” he says, “What are you looking for exactly?”

“Anything,” you say looking him in the eye.

“I have something at my house that I think you’ll like. Can you come over?”

“Yeah, I’ll follow you back,” you say. You both get out of his van; he walks toward the driver’s seat and you walk towards your car. You get in and immediately turn on the radio. “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne begins playing on the radio and you turn it up. You close your eyes and lean your head against the steering wheel. You feel like screaming and hitting something. Ozzy’s voice all you can hear.

With great difficulty you raise your head up and look in your rearview mirror. Eddie’s van is nowhere in sight so you guess he had already left. You back out of your parking spot and start driving to his trailer.

Ten minutes later you arrive. He was waiting for you outside against his van. You step out of your car, your bag in hand. He walks forward and opens the trailer door. You walk in mumbling a small “thanks”.

“Make yourself at home, mademoiselle,” he says, “I’ll be right back.” He disappears into his room and you sit on the recliner that’s near the window. You look around the trailer. It’s a mess. There’s wrappers and dishes everywhere. You suppose neither Eddie nor his uncle are the cleanliest. His uncle probably works all day and doesn’t have time to clean and Eddie, well, he probably just has other things he’d rather do. Your house wasn't the cleanest either, most of the time. Your mother would always be too tired from work so you offered to take care of the cleaning. However, you would come home late from work or you were just too exhausted to do anything so sometimes the dishes piled up and dust collected on every surface.

You wondered what had happened to his parents? Had they died? You started feeling bad for Eddie; in the short time that you had gotten to known him you had realized that he was not a bad person. You along with everyone else misjudged him.

He came back with a little box and a smile on his face.

“Okay, here is the magic E,” he said holding up a little bag with pills inside. “You just pop one in your mouth and let it do its magic.”

He walked closer to you with a pill in hand. You opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out, prompting him to put it in your mouth. His eyes widened a little, but he obeyed, placing the pill on your tongue. You closed your mouth, feeling the pill dissolving. You saw Eddie popping a pill into his mouth as well, his eyes never leaving yours. You looked down, seeing a bulge in his crotch.

Oh my god, you though, had that..turned him on? There was no way he wasn’t a virgin. He saw your eyes looking down and he blushed realizing what you were looking at. He turned around and walked towards the kitchen, opening the fridge. He came back with two beers and handed one to you. You took a big swig, grimacing at the bitter taste. You weren’t much of a beer girl, you preferred vodka or tequila.

“How long does it take for this to kick in,” you said breaking the silence. “Just any minute now,” he said looking at his watch. Almost as if on cue, you began feeling it. Your body and mind felt lighter in a way, making you relax. You could feel Eddie’s eyes on you.

“So, are you gonna show me how to roll a blunt or are you just gonna keep staring at me,” you tell him taking another sip of your beer.

He gives you a small laugh and nods his head. You get the bag of weed out from your bag and throw it to him. He catches it with one hand and starts walking back to his room. He comes back with some paper squares and sits on the floor in front of you.

“Enlighten me, Munson.”

He takes some weed out of the bag and begins placing it on the paper. “The art to rolling a blunt is being gentle, really gentle. You have to make sure to get an even amount across the paper. Then, when you start rolling it, make it as tight as possible.”

All you could focus on was the way his fingers looked like as he rolled the joint. The veins on his hands and the rings making his hands so alluring. When he fhad rolled the joint, he brought it up to his mouth and licked a stripe right across the length of the paper. He was looking up at you as he did that and god did that turn you on. You felt chest rising up and down as you imagined his tongue somewhere else.

He reached into his front pocket and pulled a lighter out. He lit up the joint and took a drag.

“And that is how you successfully roll a joint,” he said blowing the smoke out, “don’t try this at home kids.”

You extended your hand and he passed you the joint. You put your mouth around it, inhaling. The smoke filling your lungs before exhaling it. Once again, Eddie was looking at you, but his eyes were now focused on your mouth. He could feel his pants tightening. He wondered how good your mouth would feel around his cock.

You could tell he was aroused as were you, but you knew he wouldn’t do anything about it, so you took it upon yourself to tease him. Before you could give this any more thought, you found yourself saying, “You know, the other night I couldn’t help but think about you.”

You saw his cheeks go red and that brought a smirk to your face. He was so easily flustered.

“Yeah? Was it good things?”

“Oh, I’d say they were very good,” you say. You finish your beer and place it front of the recliner. You move to sit on the floor so he scoots back a little.

“Have you thought about me,” you ask, your voice low. You really hope he says yes or else this is gonna be awkward. He nods a little looking at the ground. You groan internally. The image of him stroking his cock to you sending heat straight to your core. You want him really bad.

“Do you wanna fuck,” you blurt out. Your eyes widening a bit at the the same time he looks at you. Did you really just say that? He’s gonna think you're a whore just asking guys to fuck. Oh god. I mean you were asking a sort of random guy to fuck.

“Yeah,” he says, “that would be...yeah.” He takes another drag. You both just it there, staring at each other. He licks his lips and you’re done. You lean forward and grab his face with both hands, smashing your lips against his. He seems taken aback for a moment, but soon he starts kissing back slower. Your lips are aggressive against his, your experience ce compared to his inexperience shining through. You pull back.

“Have you ever had sex,” you ask and he rapidly nods his head yes. You don’t believe him, but instead of saying anything you just lean forward again. You kiss him slower this time, helping him ease into it a bit. His lips are soft against yours, his hands by his side; one holding the blunt and the other one trying to clear the surrounding area. You move to straddle his hips, your legs resting on each side of his thighs. You remove your hands from his face and bring them down to his hands. You take the blunt away from his hand and place it on top of the box he had brought out earlier. With both his hands free, you bring them to your hips.

He gets the hint and firmly grips your hips, giving them a little squeeze. The action makes you buck against him, grinding against his crotch. He lets out a little whine into the kiss which makes you even wetter. You break from the kiss and start kissing his jaw. is breathing becomes more erratic as you start sucking on his neck, leaving a hickey.

His hands move to your ass, pushing you forward so you could grind on him. Your hips start to grind against his crotch, soft moans escaping you both. You increase your speed and grind down harder, your jeans making it harder for you to feel it. This time he starts leaving sloppy, wet kisses on your jaw. His kisses becoming sloppier as he travels down your neck and as you increase your pace. You tug on his hair when he begins sucking on your pulse point, your action eliciting a moan from him.

“I don’t think I’ll last long if you keep grinding on me like this,” he says through ragged breaths. You nod absentmindedly and slow your pace.

“Do you have a condom,” you say and he nods.

“They’re in my room.”

Begrudgingly you stop grinding on him and get off his lap. He stands up first and extends his hand which you take. He begins walking to his room, but you halt, bending over to pick the blunt off the box. You take a drag as you walk towards his room. He rummages through his drawer for what seems like eternity.

While he does that, you get rid of your shirt, throwing it at Eddie. He looks towards you, eyes widening as he sees your chest. Your breasts spilling out of the top of your bra.

“Hurry up, Eddie.” He turns back around, digging through the mess in his drawer.

“Aha, here it is,” he says. You lay down on his bed, pants unbuttoned. He walks around towards the foot of bed, staring at you. He licks his lips and removes his shirt. You prop yourself on your forearms, admiring the tattoos on his chest. You use your finger to beckon him towards you and he complies.

Careful not to crush you, he gets on top of you. With one arm he props himself up and with the other he begins to softly caress your side. You capture his lips with yours, roughly kissing him. He was being too gentle. You didn’t want sweet sex. You wanted it rough. You wanted his teeth scraping your neck, his hands tugging on your hair, his cock buried so deep that it hurt.

You lowered your hands to his crotch and began unbuckling his belt. You unbuttoned his pants and tried tugging them off. Eddie broke the kiss to stand up. He slid his pants down. You could see his cock straining against his boxers.

You stood up so you were face to face with Eddie. You turned around and pushed on his shoulders so he sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked so hot; his hair was even more disheveled, his cheeks flush red, his chest heaving up and down, his eyes a bit hooded. You kicked your shoes off your feet and dragged your pants down your legs. You were left in your bra and underwear. You wanted Eddie inside of you, but you wanted to tease him a little. You reached behind you and unclasped your bra, sliding the straps down your arms.

Eddie looked starstruck as he stared at your chest. Licking his lips, he reaches out to touch your tits. The cold of his rings contrasting your heated skin. He begins kneading your tits, moving forward to wrap his mouth around your nipple. You throw your head back and tangle your left hand in his hair as he starts flicking your nipples with his tongue. The sensation shooting to your core. You could feel the wetness pooling in your panties, your clit begging to be touched.

You slide your right hand down your stomach and under the band of your underwear. You gather some of your wetness and use it to rub your clit, moaning at the combination of your fingers and Eddie’s mouth. Eddie looks down at your hand, realizing what you’re doing. He pulls away from your tits and grabs your right wrist.

“Let me,” he whispers and you nod, unable to speak. He slides your underwear down your legs and you step out of it. He stands up and turns you around, laying you down on his bed. He gets on the bed and lies on his side. He looks into your eyes as he lowers his hand to your cunt. He drags two fingers up and down your slit before he starts circling your clit. He begins rubbing it gently, unsure if he’s doing thee right thing. His touch send electricity through your body and you give out a soft moan.

This reassures him that he is doing the right thing so he begins to increase his speed. You bite your lip, trying to keep your moans down. He leans in to kiss you, his mouth swallowing your sounds.

When he pulls back he says, “Don’t be mean, let me hear how good I’m making you feel.” You nod and let yourself moan. You could feel his dick throbbing against your thigh. You brought your hand up and put it inside his boxers. You wrapped your hand around his painfully hard cock, hearing him inhale sharply as you did so. You started stroking his dick at the same pace he was rubbling your clit.

He started giving out small moans and whimpers, the sounds encouraging you to go faster. As you felt yourself nearing your orgasm, you stopped stroking him, removing your hands from his boxers and removing his hand from your cunt.

“I want to cum while you’re inside me,” you tell him and he nods.

He lays down and pulls his boxers down, his dick springing free. You could feel that he was big as you were stroking him, but seeing his dick you realize just how long it is. You knew it was gonna hurt in the best way.

“I want to ride you,” you whisper. He scoots back so his back is against his headboard. You reach out to his nightstand for the condom. You tear it open and put it on him. You straddle his hips and look into his eyes. You line yourself up with dick, feeling his tip against your entrance. He draws in a sharp breath and you can’t wait for the noises he’ll make once he’s inside you.

You slowly start sinking onto him. His dick stretching you out deliciously. You can’t help but smirk as he closes his eyes and throws his head back, the pleasure too much for him. Once you bottom out, you stay still for a second, trying to adjust to his size and giving him time to adjust to the feeling of your walls around him.

Once he opens his eyes again, you begin to move. Slowly, you raise your hips up before bringing them back down, moaning at the same time as Eddie. You keep repeating the movement, slowly increasing your speed. Every time you lowered yourself, you could Eddie’s tip hitting your sweet spot. You weren’t sure if it was Eddie, the drugs, or a combination of both that was making every feeling ten times more intense.

As you felt your orgasm drawing closer, you began to move faster, gripping onto Eddie’s shoulders for support. You were gripping so hard that you wouldn’t be surprised if he had finger shaped bruises tomorrow. All you could hear were your moans intertwined with Eddies’, the sound of you thighs slapping against his, and the occasional squeak of his bed.

Eddie began thrusting his hips up, meeting your own movements. You could tell he was close by the way his thrusts were urgent and sloppy.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he says through moans.

“Me too,” you say leaning in to kiss him.

He thrusts up into you hard as you lower yourself onto him and you’re done. You feel his dick twitch inside you, his cum spilling into the condom. You feel the knot that had formed in your core become undone, a warmth spreading throughout your body. Your hips stutter as you continue riding him through your orgasms. He whines against your lips as his dick becomes overstimulated. You stop your movements, resting your head on his shoulder.

You stay in that position for a few minutes, trying to calm your breathing. As the adrenaline subsides, you feel for your thighs burning from the exertion. You give Eddie one last kiss on his neck and roll of his lap. You lay down on your back next to him. He takes the condom off, tying it up and throwing it in the trash can that’s next to his bed. He lays down as well, turning on his side to face you. Your eyes are closed, chest sweaty.

He looks at you with a small smile on his face. You look so beautiful. You open your eyes and find him looking at you. You raise your eyebrow, “What?”

"Nothing,” he says, “so we can do this again, right?”

You give him a small laugh and nod, “Yes, definitely. You ready?”

#stranger things #eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x female reader #Eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #stranger things x reader

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yourmidnightlover · 3 years

Text

all my fault

Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!

Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.

CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*

A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!

IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!

———————————————————————

when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.

“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.

“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.

“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.

“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’

spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.

your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.

because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.

the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.

being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.

spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.

you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.

you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.

“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.

“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.

“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.

“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”

you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.

spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.

“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.

you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.

“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”

“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.

“y/n…”

“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”

“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”

“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.

“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”

what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?

“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.

“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.

“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.

“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.

“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.

“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.

it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.

the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.

you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.

you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.

“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.

“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”

“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”

“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.

“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.

“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.

“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”

“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.

“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.

“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.

“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.

“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”

“i did,” you admitted.

“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”

“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.

“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.

“shut up, spencer!”

“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”

“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.

“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.

you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.

when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.

so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.

you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.

and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.

you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.

you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.

spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.

in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.

he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.

maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.

the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.

you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.

you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?

a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.

it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.

when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.

in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.

you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.

he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.

“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.

“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.

“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”

“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.

“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”

“y/n, i-“

“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.

he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.

“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.

“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.

“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.

“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.

“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”

“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.

“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.

“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”

he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.

how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.

“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”

“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.

she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.

“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.

“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.

“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”

“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.

“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”

“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”

“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”

“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.

“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”

“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”

“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”

“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.

“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.

he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.

“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.

“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.

“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”

“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”

“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”

“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”

“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”

“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.

“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.

“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”

“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.

“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”

“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”

“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”

you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.

“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”

“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.

“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.

“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”

“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”

“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”

over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.

five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.

one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.

seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.

you were pregnant.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@spenxerslut

@spencerreid9

@spencyreidpls

@spencerreid9

@spencersmagic

@calm-and-doctor

@the-local-pendeja

@spencersrose

@spencersmagic

@shemarmooresfedora

@pastelbabygirl19

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment!

#tw pregnancy #tw miscarriage #tw abortion #tw abortion mention #tw depressive thoughts #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer #spencer reid angst #spencer reid comfort

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jadedxrealityw · 3 years

Text

-Cold- Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader

☼-☪-☼

Kody: First Loki imagine, let’s do this. DISCLAIMER. MOST OF THE DIALOGUE FROM THE CANONICAL CHARACTERS IS TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM THE MOVIE TO MAKE IT MORE REALISTIC. YOU CAN TELL WHICH PARTS I WROTE AND DIDN’T WRITE. OKAY? okayyyy

Movie/Show: Thor: Ragnarok- but you somehow know strange. Don’t question me lmao.

Summary: while staying with Dr. Strange for a bit, you end up meeting your old friend again, Thor. What you don’t expect is too meet with his adopted brother Loki. Who turns out to be your perfect match (Vague for reasons)

Possible Triggers / Warnings: Very long story, Slowburn, Steven and Tony being a dad, cursing, Val being kinda great

☼-☪-☼

sometimes being stuck in the avengers base was.....stressful. with Vision being like a newborn baby around everything, you constantly had to help him understand certain things. Like a microwave or a stove since he wanted to learn how to cook for Wanda. Kinda cute actually.

you could hear Natasha cry at night about Bruce vanishing during the battle against Ultron. You tried to comfort hr once or twice, but she was adamant about handling it on her own. You wish you could have helped more. It’s not like you could hug her without layers of clothing covering almost every inch of your skin.

oh yeah, the whole reason you were even there is because Tony Stark had found you with Wanda and Pietro. You were slightly different from them, no telekinesis, telepathy, or enhanced agility and reflexes. Your mercular DNA was ripped apart then put back together with enhancements, unique ones.

your body was now able to freeze anything with just a touch and manipulate it, but with all powers. There were side effects. You couldn’t touch anyone without giving them frostbite. Your powers were too much for you too handle so your body was constantly below freezing.

it was terrible. You had lived so long without the feeling of another's skin on yours. You could never, hug, hold someone's hand, kiss, do....that. You were condemned to a life of touch starvation. It sucked, but you still kept a smile on your face.

during a errand run in new york you had met Steven Strange. You had recognized him from his work as a doctor and gave him your condolences for his accident. He seemed to take some sort of interest in you, which you later figured out that he knew you had your ‘enhancements’ from the news.

he explained to you that with his help he may be able to train you to keep your body temperature at a normal human one. You were a bit off put by his offer and he gave you a simple address in case you changed your mind and with that. You left.

☼-☪-☼

a month later

“Tony it’s just for a little while-”

“No! your running off with some rando voodoo doctor who could kill you and steal your kidneys!”

your face twinges a bit in confusion. You had told everyone that you’d be leaving for awhile and they all wished you luck on your solo adventure. You had also decided to wait till the actual day you were leaving to tell Tony. He was a tad overprotective of you when it came to strangers.

“He’s not going to steal my kidneys- Tony my car is waiting i have to go” you say as you pick up the bag you had dropped on the floor as the whole ordeal again. “Didn’t know you had such little trust in me” he exhales deeply, pressing a finger to his temple in visible frustration.

“I do trust you. I don’t trust the world outside of these walls” Tony admits. you will confess, you liked his weird fatherly side. “Well- the world as you call it can freeze if they touch me. You have to let me do things on my own Tony” you give him a half smile.

Tony expression turns into his thinking one, which is either a good or a very bad thing. He digs into his pocket and pulls out what looks like a jewelry box “Are you trying to bribe me with diamond earrings?” you ask, slightly unimpressed with him.

he rolls his eyes and lifts the lid. You see a silver necklace with a star pendant. You could faintly see a small blue crystal in the middle. It reminded you of his reactor, Clever. It was still technically a bribe, but it was indeed a beautiful necklace.

“No. I made this about a month ago and could never think of the right time. It’s a necklace with a beacon. If you need help press the blue button under the silver lid and i’ll come get and save you. Like always” Tony finishes his sentence off with a smirk, which makes you chuckle.

you reach and grab the box with your gloved hand “Thank you, Tony” you say and pull the necklace out the box. You undo the clasp and wrap it around your neck, clasping it back. Tony gives you his proud dad smile and pats your shoulder “If this witch man is able to help you. I get to be your first hug”

you break out into laughter, nodding “Of course” you say and he chuckles along with you. You hear a honk from outside “I’m coming. Chill out Happy!” you shout. Tony gulps and waves you off “Go ahead, i’m not keeping you any longer.” he says.

smiling, you sling the bag over your shoulder and nod at him “I’ll see you soon Tony” you say and turn around, heading out the door and towards the car waiting outside. Happy rolled down the window, same unhappy expression on his face “what took you so long!”

rolling your eyes, you open the passenger door and throw your bag on the car floor before hoping in. “You know Tony, stubborn as ever” you reply, closing the door. Happy replies with a small hum before starting up the car. You pull out the card with the address and hand it to Happy.

Tony watched you walk out, his face dropping a bit “Come back home kiddo”

☼-☪-☼

two weeks later

in your short time with Strange he showed you the most incredible things that you never knew. It also hurt your brain to think about how big the multiverse really was, but Strange was able to explain it in simple terms. He had also given you a meditation regiment that you followed everyday.

it was supposed to help you calm your mind enough that you could force your body to warm up. It hasn’t changed anything so far, but Strange said it was normal. While reading a novel across from Strange who was- looking out a window. “Great” he grumbles under his breath.

you lower the book, sliding the juice bar stamp card you used as a bookmark between the pages. “Is something wrong?” you ask, tilting your head. Strange’s eyebrows furrow “Someone who isn’t supposed to be here. Is here. Along with his slightly intelligent brother”

what- “I don’t follow?” you say as he makes his way downstairs. You quickly jump out the chair and go to follow him. In a quick movement his cloak unclipped from his body and stopped in front of you, blocking your movements “Um Strange?” you call out.

he stops at the bottom of the stairs and turns his head to look at you “You stay here. If there is a fight it could be dangerous” he spoke. “I can help fight with my ability-” he holds up his hand, stopping you from talking. It reminded you of Tony a little bit.

“That is the exact reason you need to stay. Using your powers could throw off what you have worked for so far” he spoke. Sighing deeply, you nod “Okay, i’ll stay. I promise” you say to reassure him. Strange nods and his cloak returns to him, clipping back on.

“Thank you” he says and lifts his arms up, he starts performing what you assume is a spell while mumbling under his breath. It lasted a couple seconds before he walked off to the lower floor. You had to ask him how he did certain spells like that portal one, just to mess with Steve.

you heard your stomach grumble and sighed “Strange needs to invest in a fucking microwave. I want a hot pocket so bad”

☼-☪-☼

you guilt tripped wong into magic-ing a microwave in the sanctum. Poor dude, but hey- hot pocket. You also changed out of your pjs because wong said you were ‘lazy’ what a tool. You did anyway and ended up wearing a long sleeve black turtleneck, matching gloves with heather grey and white plaid pants.

As you took your last bite you heard talking, but not just Stranges voice, a deeper one. Sounded somewhat familiar, but you couldn’t quite recognize it fully. It came from downstairs. You look at the steps and bit your bottom lip, thinking. Strange told you to stay, but-

screw it

slowly you step down, making sure it didn’t creak too loud and alarm Strange to your presence. Once you made it all the way down the voices stopped. What the hell? Oh wait they were coming from the first floor now. Was Strange just teleporting throughout sanctum.

yes

the talking got louder and you peaked around the corner. First you spotted Strange, twisting a strange of hair in his hands? He ended up throwing it in the air and it created a portal. Okay then. Then when you looked beside him, you saw- no, it can’t be.

“Thor?!”

you ran down the stairs, tripping over your feet a bit. The god turned around and smiled upon seeing you “Lady Y/n! It has been quite some time. You have grown indeed!” he says. You nod, almost reaching out to hug him, but stopped. Thor noticed and gave you a sad smile.

“I thought i told you to stay upstairs?” Strange spoke. You chuckle nervously and gesture to Thor “I haven’t seen him in a long time. I’m sorry” you say. Strange looks like he wants to stay mad at you but exhales deeply “Your forgiven, under the circumstances”

you smile brightly. Strange was a pretty cool guy. You turn away from him and back at Thor “So, what’s going on? Why are you back on earth? What happened to figuring out your vision and going back to asgard?” you ask a multitude of questions.

Thor shakes his head “My witch of a brother has hidden my father on earth and i need to get him back. This wizard has offered me help in return that i take Loki back to asgard where he belongs.” Thor explains. You nod slowly, you had never met the god of mischief himself, only heard stories.

“Loki is here?” you ask and gaze around the room.

you heard Strange gasp before lifting his arms “Oh yeah right” he swirls his hands as a portal forms on the ceiling. A distant scream was heard before a man with long black hair and a matching suit popped out and crashed onto the floor, Loki.

Loki slowly lifts his head, whipping his hair out of his face and propping himself up on his elbows “I have been falling, for thirty minutes!” he shouts. Damn- thirty minutes? “That’s cold Strange and that’s a lot coming from me” you say, making Thor snicker a bit.

“You can handle it from here?” Strange nods towards Thor who does the same, reaching over to shake his hand. “Thank you very much for your help” Loki lifts himself off the floor and turns to look a Strange, glaring daggers at him. “Handle me?” he snaps, venom lacing his tone.

Oh! Look actual daggers. Oh wait- Loki came towards Strange and in an instant your eyes turned a bright white, no pupils and your skin turned an icy white, with the nose and tips of your ears and fingers a light blue. You stepped in front of strange as cold fog emitted from your hands.

you were breathing heavily which came out as fog as well. Thor had seen you like this before so this was pretty normal for him. Strange stared at you for a moment, just blinking. He had seen this before- “Don’t touch the wizard” you breathed out.

Loki’s angered face turned into a smug look “And who do you think you are to challenge me, mortal?” he questions, drawing closer towards you. Before any harm could be done to either of you, Thor stepped between, looking at his brother “Brother, you will not harm Lady Y/n. She is a friend”

aw how sweet. Loki takes another look at you before his daggers retreat “Fine” he grumbles. Your skin turns back to its normal S/c and your pupils return “Thanks Thor” you say and he nods at you. Strange coughed before gesturing to the portal.

Thor exhales before smiling lightly “Right. Thank you so much for your help again and it was lovely to see you Lady Y/n” he spoke. You smile “Just Y/n is fine. I hope you find what your looking for” you spoke. You couldn’t imagine what you’d do if Tony went missing. Thor must have been going crazy.

“You’ll have to tell me all about it once you get back Y/n” Strange spoke suddenly, making you turn your head to face him once again with a confused expression. “What are you talking about?” you ask. Thor steps beside you while Loki stood s a few feet behind both of you.

“Oh you’ll be going along with them” Strange spoke casually as he began to make his way up the stairs. What the hell? “Um- why?! What about my regiment?” you question. Strange stops at the top of the stairs and faces the three of you, hands behind his back.

he studies your face, then Thor’s, then Loki. “Trust me” is all he says before disappearing into a portal of his own. You blinked mindlessly for a couple seconds “Uh-” “Lady Y/n- i mean just Y/n. I suppose you’ll be accompanying me and my brother. Once we return to asgard, will send you home.”

you looked at Thor, thinking. Should you go? You had never been to another planet before, so you were completely unaware of what was too possibly happen. Even if you were afraid of the unknown, you could not pass up this opportunity “Let’s go”

Thor pats your clothes back and smiles “Alright, into the mystic portal we go!” he cheers, making you chuckle. “Not only am i stuck with my oaf of a brother, but also some mortal quim” Loki snarls from behind you. Oh isn’t he a breath of fresh air “Yeah, cry about it antlers”

yikes, you’ve been around tony too much.

Loki’s fist clench before all three of you walk through the portal.

you all ended up in a grassy field. It was beautiful. The smell of the sea nearby filled your nose, causing a calm feeling to course through you. “I don’t see father” Thor spoke, looking around. You gaze about as well and spot a man at the edge of the field.

placing a glove hand on Thor, you tap him. The god looks at you as you point at Odin. Thor sighs deeply “Let’s go Loki” he spoke and waved for this brother to follow. You stayed put as Loki passed you, his arm grazing yours for a moment. There is like so much field to walk around you, but okay-

You turn around and began to walk in the other direction, giving them some space. It wasn’t your business to put yourself into their family drama.

☼-☪-☼

You walk mindlessly for a couple minutes, making sure to stay relatively close to the brothers and his father. You stop and look at them for a moment just as Odin had turned to a fine gold powder/dust and blew away into the sky. Oh no- Odin, he’s dead.

just before you could even think another thought the sky began to crack in thunder. From the distance you were at you could Thor’s fingers spark up as he turned towards Loki. Oh god he’s going to kill him. Your previous thoughts of not getting involved were thrown out as you began to run towards them.

you couldn’t let Thor hurt his brother, he would surely regret it later. A green energy ball formed couple feet in front of you, stopping you from running towards the brothers. You had stopped your feet so harshly it caused you to fall back onto your butt.

the green energy grew bigger as the brother began to draw close to it. A flash of thunder changed Thor’s clothes into his original asgardian armor and Loki used to Magic to change his to a green leather outfit. Seemed very Loki-ish. The energy stopped forming and you were sure that Thor or Loki couldn’t see you.

just as fast as the green energy appeared, it vanished to reveal the back of a women, she had long black hair and a matching outfit. Who was this? That didn’t matter right now considering Thor look liked he was ready to fight which means that you had to be.

“So he’s gone?” the woman spoke, referring to Odin you presumed. She gazes around for a moment before looking back at the boys “Such a shame, i would have liked to have seen that” she said. Oh- well that’s just rude. “You must be Hela” Thor spoke. So that was her name.

“I’m Thor, son of odin” he continued. He just had to introduce himself right now? How formal of him. You slowly began to stand up. This woman had not noticed you, which means you had the upper hand. “Really?” she asked, a amused tone present within her voice.

“You don’t look like him” Hela adds. you thought Thor looked like Odin- just a tad. Why are you thinking about this right now. “Perhaps we can come to an arrangement?” Loki spoke. Well at least Thor isn’t trying to kill Loki right now. Now that you think about it Hela and Loki kind of looked alike.

Hela lifts her arm a bit to pint at Loki, before dropping it to her side a second later “You sound like him” she says before taking a step closer “Kneel” she commands. “Beg your pardon?” Loki leans forward as if he had not heard what he had just said. Uh oh.

Hela’s arm twist, a long blade forming in her hand. “Kneel...before your queen” she repeats once more. Queen?!. You take a deep breath, pupils disappearing, skin turning white and blue, and fog emitting from your hands. Let’s do this. Thor takes a step forward, gazing at you for only a second “I don’t think so”

Loki took a glance at Thor. You both knew what the god of thunder was about to do. Thor lifts his arm and throws his hammer at Hela, but- she caught it. She caught Thor’s hammer?! Oh shit. Both Loki and Thor’s face turn into a grim and confused one.

“It’s..not possible” Thor spoke in disbelief. “Darling, you have no idea what’s possible” Hela spoke before squeezing her hand around Mjollnir. She was crushing the hammer. In a split second a burst of electricity and wind was sent everywhere.

you lift your arm and cover your face to protect your eyes. Once it died down you move your arm and saw Thor’s hammer in pieces on the grass. What was she? Who was she? Hela lifted her arms to her head and slid them back along the base of her skull, forming a large spiked crown.

she repeated her hand movements from earlier except with both her arms. Two blades in each hand. You had to move now. You close your palms together and pull them apart, an ice spear forming in between. You ran up to her and jumped in the air to get a higher advantage.

“Y/n, no!” Thor shouts as he runs up to Hela as well. Loki looks up in the sky and shouts “Bring us back!” Hela turns around quickly and spots you running towards her. Just as you were about to land on her, she grabs your neck. “Now who are you?” she asked. but you didn’t answer.

instead you rip a glove off one of your hands and press it to her face. Hela screams in agony and throws you towards Thor. You landed on him with hard thud. That’s going to hurt in the morning. Suddenly a portal formed around all three of you and sent you into the sky. It was the same one Thor usually left on.

Your body felt weird all over like you were about to vomit or pass out- maybe both. You looked up and saw Thor a few feet up above you and you assumed Loki was under you. Thor looks down at you, then Loki “Loki!” he shouts and the black haired god looks under him, you so as well.

Hela was just behind you all “She wasn’t even in the portals range!” you shout, earning now answer from either brothers. Lok reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a small blade. He lifts his arm and chucks it at her, but she dodges it easily and sends it flying back towards Loki.

Loki had another blade in hand and used that one to dodge the other hela threw at him, but it sent him flying out the portal “Y/n! follow loki! I’ll find you both. I promise!” Thor shouts and without a second thought you use your spear to stab into the portal and push yourself out.

sometimes you wished you thought about things first.

☼-☪-☼

your head was throbbing and aching in the worst way possible, like you had crashed into a wall. Your eyes slowly open and you see a regular sky with purple portals spread throughout it- okay maybe not so normal. “Hands off of me you mewling quim!” you know that complaining tone from anywhere.

you push yourself off the ground, using some random junk metal to lean on. Looking around you would think you were in some junk yard. No time to wonder where you were because you had a god to help. You push things out your way before you spot what looked like scavengers, mostly wearing masks.

they were holding onto Loki’s arms. Couldn’t he just use his magic? Guess not. Anyway, you jump down from the ledge your on, catching most of their attention “We just got on this planet and your already pissing the natives off?” you question Loki.

he narrows his blue eyes at you as he struggles against the people holding his arms “Get on with it!” he shouts at you. No please? Whatever. You activate your powers, slowly pulling the other glove off of your hand “Hand over the god will you?”

“You’ll have to get through all of us!” one man shouts. They hold up their weapons at you making you sigh “Alright, have it your way” you shrug, flicking your hand, a dark blue blade with a silver handle forming in the palm of your hand.

the scavengers ran towards you. One swung a club at you, but you caught his arm in your hand. The man screams in agony as his whole arm turns black with frostbite. You take that opportunity to slice his now very crunchy arm off. Then it’s kind of a rinse and repeat for the rest of them until one is left.

The man lets go of Loki and begins to run away. Good choice. Loki drops to the ground, trying to catch his breath “Why did you follow me?” Loki asked suddenly. You look down at him and shrug “Thor asked me to in the portal. He said he’d come find us” you explain.

you pull out the extra pair of gloves from your back pocket and slipped them on. They were a plain black leather pair. Once they were on, you hold out your hand for him to take. Loki takes one look at your hand and scoffs before standing up himself. Rude.

“If my brother went off to fight Hela alone. He’s most likely dead already” Loki says curtly as he dusts off his outfit. Your eyes widen a bit. Thor wasn’t dead, he couldn’t be. “Who is she anyway?” you ask. Loki’s jaw locks, glancing at the ground before you

“Our sister”

your E/c eyes went wider this time. Since when did Thor have a sister? Was she adopted too? She claery had a disdain for her father just as much as Loki did. Maybe Thor was the one who was actually adopted. “Oh- wow” you comment.

“Enough about my family. I have to figure out what planet i’m on” Loki interjects as he begins to walk away “Hey! Whether you like it or not we’re in this together, I could have left your ass to die, remember that!” you shout at him. His walking stops and he faces you once more- oh shit.

he steps towards you and you back up until a piece of debris. Loki stops inches from your face, his hand reaching up to your neck to hold it in his hand “Don’t assume for a moment that you and i are some sort of friends like you are with my brother” he speaks lowly.

you glare right back at him “Let go of me before i put a icicle through your eye” you snarl at him. A small smirk forms on his face “You put up this illusion that you are as tough as nails, but i can see right through you. Your just as broken as the rest of us. Let’s explore that shall we?”

Loki reaches up and places his hand on your forehead.

☼-☪-☼

two years ago

Loki opened his eyes and looked around the room. Where was he? He was in the darkest memories of your mind. “Put her in the chamber” Strucker spoke as three men went over to grab a pale woman on the floor. You. You were wearing a hospital gown and your hair was overgrown.

you flaid, kicked, and screamed “Please! No! i’ll try harder i swear! Please!” when you had first developed your powers and the doctors realized they couldn’t touch you Strucker thought you had been doing it on purpose. So mean with full body suits would put you in a heat chamber.

the intense heat had a even stronger effect on you because of your unique enhancement. Strucker opens the door as the three men throw you in. You land on the ground with a hard thud and stand up quickly, running towards the door but it had already shut.

Strucker stands outside the glass window that showed you inside and looked towards a woman sitting at the desk “Turn it on, the highest it can go” he spoke and she nods, pressing a green button before pushing a dial up. Loki looks confused for a moment as he stands beside strucker.

the room starts to heat up and you fall to the ground your tears sizzling as they ran down your face. At the moment Loki took a step back. Heat exhaustion. A form of torture he knew all to well. something he hoped to never witness again. You let out screams of agony until you eventually passed out.

back in 2012 when earth was attack by Loki he was under the control of Thanos who had kidnapped him and tortured him with the same methods because of his Jotun side. It worked nonetheless and he was under Thanos’s control.

☼-☪-☼

Loki opened his eyes and snatched his hand away from your head. You slid down against the debris until you hit the ground with a small thud. He had made you relive your worst fears like it had just happened only moments ago. How could he do such a thing.

“I’m so-” before Loki could say another word he felt something bite at his neck. He hissed and reached for his neck and felt something cold and metallic. He tried to tug it off, but instead got harsh bursts of electricity shot through his body over and over again.

he fell to the ground, shaking violently, turning his head he saw you. You were holding your face, still shaken up. Loki watched as someone came up to you and hit you with a blunt object, knocking you out cold. Loki reached his hand out to you, but it seemed his body gave up on him and he passed out.

☼-☪-☼

Loki awoke with the sound of people talking around him. He went to move his arms first but they were chained behind his back “Oh look he’s awake good! Hello! I’m the grandmaster, ruler of Sakaar.” a man with blue strips on his face spoke and a robe type outfit.

“May i ask why i’m in chains?” Loki questions with his usual ‘i could kill all of you’ smirk. The grandmaster shrugs his shoulders “Had to make sure you and your friend weren’t hostile. It’s only temporary of course” He says. Friend? Who was he talking about? Y/n.

Loki looked around instantly, trying to find you of course “Oh yes, she’s currently in the infirmary Our scraper hit her a bit too hard. Anyway, whats your name?” the grandmaster asked, gesturing to the scraper next to him. Some random girl with light brown skin and white markings over her face.

he would kill her later.

“Loki of asgard, god of mischief” he spoke, giving his best presentable grin. The grandmaster laughs. Rude “God of mischief, how spooky. Tell me god of pranks, did you fight on asgard?” he questions. Loki raises a brow. What was this man playing at?

“i was used for my intelligence more then my strength. Battle plans, strategies, political consultant and such” Loki explains, slightly lying out of his ass. the grandmaster looked impressed, at least that’s what Loki thought. How would we get out of this one?

“Hm. Well- you will be spared from fighting in the contest of champions as well as your lady friend. As long as you swear your undying loyalty to me and my planet” The Grandmaster stands up from his chair and walks to Loki. He waves his hand at one of the guards.

the guard beside Loki reached down to uncuff his hands and took off his neck chip. Loki shrugged them off before standing up, rubbing his wrists. The Grandmaster stood in front of him with his hand out. Loki gave him a grin and grabbed his hand, shaking it “I swear” he spoke.

the Grandmaster smile before his eyes trail him up and down “How bout we get you into some yellow. green’s a bit tacky”

“Pardon?”

☼-☪-☼

later that night

a guard escorted Loki to his accommodations in his new green and yellow suit. “Green is not tacky, it’s a very classy color. What a moron” he grumbles under his breath. Once the door open, he stepped inside and looked around. (similar to Hulks, but dark green and white)

it’ll do for now. He only got to take one step before he was pushed against a wall, something cold and sharp jabbed at the side of his neck, pressing firmly but not enough to break skin “Oh- it’s just you” a voice spoke. Yours. Loki looked down at you.

your head had a bandage around it and your top was missing leaving you in a black sports bra and your plaid pants from earlier. loki couldn’t help but notice your delectable figure, making him breath heavily “Eyes up here you son of a bitch” you snap, pressing the icicle further in his neck.

Loki looked at your face and notice a bruise forming on your jaw. It made him....angry to say the least, but he couldn’t understand why. “Would you kindly get that out of my face. I just saved us” he says. You give him a ‘what’ face and slowly remove the icicle, your body turning back to normal once again.

“How?” you question, walking towards the bed in the center of the room, Loki following “I have made good with Grandmaster so he wont make us compete in some barbaric tournament” he spoke, boosting his own ego really You roll your eyes and take a seat on the bed “How does that help us, were still stuck here”

Loki scoffs “I just made sure you weren’t going to be killed. You could at least say thank you” you felt a anger boiling within you “Thank you?! You want me to say thank you?! Remember we aren’t friends. I should have stayed with Thor, but for some reason i cant comprehend, he still cares about you”

Loki felt his chest tighten a bit at your words about his brother. You were right. No matter how much he betrayed Thor he would always be at his side to fight alongside him, but he never admitted it. “I should have used my necklace. I should have never left the base” you thought aloud

the god looked puzzled “What necklace?” you look at him for a moment then at the ceiling “Tony gave me this necklace with a beacon. I had forgotten all about it until some bitch nurse took it away because it wasn’t aloud. I tried to get it back, but she pushed me into a wall” you replied.

Loki looked around the room once more and spotted a conjoining room, before he could say anything you stood up, grabbing your shirt and all of your dignity along with you “Goodnight’ you spoke before walking into said room and slamming the door shut.

this was going to suck

☼-☪-☼

‘Put her in the chamber!’

no please..

‘Your worthless!’

no i’m not

you sat up in a cold sweat, more literally then normal. You looked around the room and noticed a cold fog. Turning your head, you look out the window. Pitch black. If you squint hard enough you could see your reflection. Yep white skin You change yourself back.

the door burst open and standing in the doorway is Loki, hair no longer slicked back but disheveled and wearing a simple black shirt and matching pants. he had daggers in his hands, looking ready for a fight “What are you doing?” you ask.

Loki looks confused “Why did you scream? I thought you were being attacked” he spoke, annoyance in his voice. You narrow your eyes and turn to your side, facing away from him “Get out” you spoke, not really wanting to see his face. He had no right to ask that.

“Pardon-”

“I said get the hell out!”

☼-☪-☼

three days later

you never left the room. To the Grandmaster, you were Loki’s property so he didn’t really care much. The servants came and brought you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Some brought you books to read and others didn’t. You had also been avoiding the god himself.

he had tried starting a conversation with you once or twice, but it never really went to his plan. Mostly ending up with you threatening to kill him or you telling him off. Loki was stain in your life all you wanted was to be rid off him and go back home.

you had just wrapped a towel around your body, hair dripping from being in the bath. As you went to open the door the god was standing just outside the door, holding a towel in his hand. His blue eyes trailed up and down your body. You pushed past him and walked into your room, shutting the door.

Loki felt his body tingle in way it hadn’t before. He exhaled deeply before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door

☼-☪-☼

later that night (again)

you sat up screaming bloody murder as you gripped your head. Instead of nightmare you had a nighterror instead. Your body was thrashing around like someone was attacking, but no one was. Just like last time Loki opened your door, almost breaking it off the hinges.

he looked at your state and practically jumped on your bed. His face made him looked..worried? You back away instinctively “No you can’t touch-” Loki cuts you off by wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. How- how was this happening. You couldn’t touch anyone before, why now?”

you didn’t notice the cold tears running down your face as Loki rubbed your back in soothing circles “How is this possible? I thought that-” “You can’t touch anyone because of your ability, but...what a i am, what i really am makes me immune to the cold in any form” he explains.

so this is what another's skin felt like. Soft, a little different from yours. You pull away a bit and began to touch different parts of his face. You run a finger along the side of his face, making him inhale sharply “what’re doing?” he asked in a low tone.

“I have never touched another person with my bare hand. Im curious” you say. Loki sighs and lets you continue your weird- whatever this could be called. After a couple minutes you let go of him, wiping your face “Your still a dick for what you did” you say.

Loki sighs, nodding his head ‘I’ve been told, by multiple people. I hope this makes up for it just a little” he says. Hope? You nod once “Yeah, your getting there. Now out antlers i have to sleep” you say, a grin forming on your face. Loki grumbles “That’s just rude”

☼-☪-☼

two weeks later

“I don’t even like parties” you spoke, looking at the words in your book. “You’ve been cooped up in this room for two whole weeks. You need to try and have some fun” Loki insisted. You look up and him and sighed, damn god. “fine, but no promises i’ll be having any fun. I also have nothing to wear”

Loki’s smile turned into a grin “stand up” he instructs. You roll your eyes and place the novel down before standing up from your seat “You better not do anything mischievous Loki” you say and he shrugs his shoulders. In a split second your hair was done and your outfit had changed.

the top part of the dress was a blue and a tad bronze lined leather that connected with some icy blue tool that made the bottom part. You looked, beautiful. “This doesn’t look like Sakaar attire?” you question, looking from the dress to him. Loki nods once, stepping towards you.

“That’s because it isn’t. It’s a tradition asgardian dress” he explains. You hummed in response “Really? I don’t think i do it much justice then” you spoke with a small laugh, turning around to face the large decorative mirror that was behind you.

you look at yourself in the dress, touching your face and squeezing your waist a bit. as you do so, Loki walks forward and stops a couple inches behind you. he leans down so his chin his hovering over your shoulder. You could feel his breath on your neck “I think you look lovely. Now, shall we?”

☼-☪-☼

it was a couple hours into the party and Loki was chatting it up with some people. Telling them life stories that he clearly altered to be in his favor while you sat beside him, silent. “And in that moment, i let go” the people around you laughed while you rolled your eyes.

“Y/n!”

“Loki!”

you and Loki both turn your heads to the right at the sound of your names being called. Oh my gods. Thor?! You stood up quickly, Loki following you hesitantly “Excuse me for a second”. “Loki, over here!” Thor yells again, catching the attention of a few people.

Loki stood in front of his brother while you were beside Thor in the chair “Shh, Shh. Shut up!” Loki snapped in a hushed tone. “What?” Thor replied in the same hushed tone. “Your alive?” Loki looks his brother up and down while Thor just looked confused “Ah yes of course i’m alive!”

“What’re you doing here?” Loki questions. “What do you mean ‘what am i doing?’ I’m stuck in this stupid chair! Where’s your chair!?” Thor asked, making you stifle a chuckle. “We didn’t get a chair” Loki says, waving his hand towards you.

Thor glances at you for a moment and you give hima half smile before he turns back to his brother. “Well get me out of this one” Thor commands, struggling against the metal clasps that held his arms in place. “I can’t” Loki replies. What? Why couldn’t he help him?

“Get me out!”

“I can’t”

“What?”

Loki points into a random direction “I made friends with this man. he’s called the Grandmaster-” he explains. Oh yeah- the whole loyalty thing. Thor shakes his head “What’re you crazy?!” Thor accuses. You asked yourself that sometimes. “-I’ve gained his favor. The bifrost spat me out here weeks ago”

“He thinks i’m Loki’s property, so yeah your right. Crazy”

where has Thor been these past two and a half weeks? Thor looked extremely confused now “Weeks ago?! I- i just got here” he tries to say. You look up and see the face of the Grandmaster across from you “Oh shit!” you jump, holding onto the glass in your hand.

“What’re we whispering about?” he says with that creepy guard lady behind him, holding the melt stick as he called it. Thor jumps up at the sound of his voice ‘Uh Ah!” he shouts while Loki grabs your arm and pulls you a few steps back from Thor along with him.

“Time works real different around these parts” He starts, turning the records on his dj table? I don’t know. “On any other world i’d be like millions and millions years old, but here on Sakaar” he finished explaining then just smiled expectantly like he was waiting for someone to say something.

you felt Loki tighten his grip on your arm a bit. What’s got him so tense? Loki opened his mouth to speak, but closed it right after. the Grandmaster waves his hand “In any case you know this uh- this uh. What do you call yourself? Lord of thunder?”

“God of thunder” you and Thor say at the same time. Thor nods towards the Grandmaster “Tell him” he says to Loki. the black haired god begins to laugh nervously “i’ve never met this man in my life” he says, pointing to Thor for a brief moment “Loki!” you say, hitting his shoulder. What a dick.

Loki looked at you with a ‘what’ face. “He’s my brother!”Thor growls, mostly upset because of Loki. “Adopted” Loki interjects, making you hit him again. The Grandmaster looks up for a moment “Is he any kind of a fighter?” he asked. It’s Thor- duh.

Thor begins to laugh irritably “You take this thing out of my neck and i’ll show you” he threatens. You sigh deeply. Men am i right. The Grandmaster laughs along with him “Oh look at that he’s threatening me” he coos like Thor was some sort of baby.

“Hey sparkles-” the Grandmaster starts, making thor struggles against the chair once more “-you want to get back to ass..place. Ass berg-” he says. Oh he did not just say that. “Asgard!” You and Thor shout in unison. Loki gives you another look “Oh shut up your not helping, Loki”

“-any contender who defeats my champion there freedom they shall win” you had heard about the Grandmaster’s contender =, but had never saw him. He was supposedly undefeated, but this is Thor were talking about here. “Fine! Then point me in the direction to whoever's ass i have to kick!”

the Grandmaster smile and waves his fingers at Thor “That’s what i call contender” he says excitedly before lifting up this remot like object “The direction that would be in this way lord” he presses a button and Thor’s chair begins to move away.

“Loki!” Thor shouts. You pull yourself out of Loki’s grip and lift the bottom of your dress off the floor so you could run up to the chair. You face Thor and smile “I’m going to get you out okay?” you say before two guards grab both of your arms. Damn- they had gloves on.

“Remove your arms from Lady Y/n you buffoons!” Thor shouts before he disappears around the corner. You struggle against there grip for a second before managing to rip your arm from one of them. Your skin turned it’s icy white and blue and your pupils vanished.

just as you formed a icicle, someone grabbed your arm. You looked at who it was and saw Loki. “Think for a moment before you kill somebody. Now let’s go” he didn’t give a chance to reply before dragging you out the party hall. What a hypocrite honestly. He killed people all the time.

☼-☪-☼

“You are insufferable, you know that!” you shout as Loki closes the door to your shared room “I’m insufferable!? You almost got yourself killed and for what?!” Loki shouts back. “To tell Thor that everything was going to work out. All you did was make it worse Loki. That’s all you ever seem to do!”

Loki’s jaw clenched, his hands tightening into a fist “Don’t talk as if you know me!” he snaps at you. Loki walks up to you and pushes you up against the wall, his hand grabbed both of yours and held them over your head. Kinky- not now, just not now.

“Oh screw you and your I’m misunderstood bullshit! You left Thor hanging out to dry again and in the end of it all he still called out for your name! You know one day Thor is going to give up on you and your going to wish you had at least tried to be a good brother”

Loki was breathing heavily as his blue eyes bore deep within your very soul. He looked at your face, studying every inch you had to offer. In a quick motions he dips down closer, his lips centimeters away from yours. Loki’s face scrunches up. He was debating in his hand. A battle in his own mind if you will.

he backs away from you, letting go off your hands “If you want to talk to my brother, follow me” he says and heads back towards the door. You felt almost disappointed that he didn’t keep going. Was that wrong?

☼-☪-☼

in the end you and Loki could not physically find away into the holding room that Thor and the other contenders were in, but Loki said he could create an illusion of you both to talk to him. As long as you got to see Thor “Ready?” Loki asked and you nodded once.

you only blink once and suddenly your in this brown, dirty, circular shaped room. What a mess. “Odin-” you heard someone speak dn turned to your left to see Thor. He was kneeling over some homemade shrine. “I bid you take your place in the halls of Valhalla-” he spoke.

it was probably a some sort of prayer they used after a loved one has died. “- Where the brave shall live forever. Where thine enemies have been vanquished, Nor shall we mourn but rejoice” this what heartbreaking to hear honestly. Thor was always the toughest guy you knew and now you were witnessing this.

everyone has feelings though. Even witches like Loki

“For those who have died The glorious death” Loki chimed in with Thor. The god of thunder turns around and sits against the wall “Lady Y/n” he nods towards you. You give him a small smile “Hey” you reply. “Hurts doesn’t it, being lied too?” Loki started. Oh for fucks sake.

“Being told your one thing then learning it’s all a fiction” Thor looked at the ground before picking up a rock and tossing it in Loki’s direction. The rock went straight through Loki, making him chuckle lightly “I mean- you didn’t think i really come and see you did you? This place is disgusting” Loki gestures to the floor.

you sigh deeply “There were guards outside- after my stunt at the party. i’m not allowed out anywhere without Loki” you explained “That’s quite alright lady Y/n. I understand. Those men didn’t hurt you, did they?” Thor asks, grabbing another rock from the floor. You shake your head “No, of course not”

“Good” Thor replies, throwing the rock through Loki’s face “One less person i have to kill before we leave this place” he says. Still over protective of you. Some things never change though do they? “Does this mean you don’t want my help?” Loki asked, noticing how Thor only addressed you.

“where did you offer help in any of the words you just spoke?” You question. Loki didn’t reply to you though. Petty bitch. “I couldn’t jeopardize our-” “-Your, don’t pretend to care about lady Y/n” Thor interjected. Loki sighed before continuing. thor had clearly touched a nerve.

“our position with the Grandmaster. Took me time to win his trust. He's a lunatic, but he can be amenable.” Loki replied. You shake your head “Is everyone amenable to you, Loki?” you ask, tilting your head to the side. Loki glances at you for a moment “No”

Thor lifted another rock from the ground and threw it through Loki’s face “What I'm telling you is, you could join me at the Grandmaster's side. Perhaps, in time, an accident befalls the Grandmaster, and then...” Loki points to his brother mouthing ‘you then you ‘Y/n’ then himself ‘me’

“Oh wow- you really do suck” you say going over to Thor and pointing at a rock “Can you throw that rock for me?” you ask and he simply nods with a smile before picking it up and throwing it at him. You smile lightly. Good friend things. You look at Loki who takes a step forward.

“You're not seriously thinking of going back, are you?“ he asked with a questioning look. “i would” you mumble before stepping backwards. Thor looks like he had just been punched in the face, but had his hands folded casually. Thor was stubborn.

“Our sister destroyed your hammer like a piece of glass.“ Loki says, holding his hands out. “She's stronger than all of us. She's stronger than you“ he adds. No offense, but you definitely could’ve done some damaged if Thor had not shouted your name back at the field and alerted her to you.

“You don't stand a chance. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?” Loki’s tone gets more aggressive while Thor just scowls at him “Loki” you say, trying to get him to shut up. After a couple seconds Loki lets out a bitter laugh “Fine” he says.

“I guess I'll just have to go it alone. Like I've always done.”

Loki’s comment makes Thor smirk. One that Loki notices “Would you say something?” Loki asked. You sigh deeply. Why do you feel as if there was going to be yelling? Anyway- Thor stays silent, looking at the ground for more stones he could throw at Loki.

“Say something!” Loki shouts in a louder tone

and he does “What would you like me to say?” Thor starts. This felt awkward, being there you mean. “You stole the throne, stripped Odin of his power, stranded him on Earth-” Loki went to say something, but Thor keeps talking “-To die, releasing the goddess of death”

“he didn’t know that would happen Thor-” you say, but are quickly shut up just as Loki was “Have I said enough, or do you do you want me to go further back than the past two days?” Thor asked. You look at Loki who looks like he’s holding back tears at his brother cold stare.

nonetheless, he composes himself “You know, I haven't seen this Beloved Champion he talks of, but I've heard he's astonishingly savage. I've placed a large wager against you tomorrow. Don't let me down.” he spoke as his illusion starts to vanish. Your time is almost up.

you look at Thor as he lifts a glass bottle from the ground and throws it at the wall where Loki was. “Thor, your going to do great out there. I’ll be watching” you spoke and gave him a small smile. Thor looks at you and nods “Goodbye” you said and just as you blinked you were standing next to Loki.

☼-☪-☼

you both walked back to your room in silence. Loki looked awful. Like he wanted to breakdown at any moment. You felt bad for him. He had lost both his parents, just as you had. You could relate to some of his pain. so you should try to comfort him, right?

when the door shut behind you both, you reached up and placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder “Loki- i’m sorry about Odin. I know you say you love him like Thor does, but he had to have meant something to you” you spoke as calmly as you could.

Loki’s body tensed under your touch “I never stopped loving my father” he says, which surprises you “He raised me I was just so angry that they lied about me. I was never truly there child” he spoke, his voice beginning to waver.

“Odin and Frigga took you in as their own. They didn’t care that you weren’t biologically there’s. They gave you a home when no one else did Loki. That’s what being a parent is.” you spoke and left go of his shoulder “You can have some time alone. I’ll be in my room”

you walk past the god and towards your door, “Thank you, Y/n. How did you know what to say?” Loki spoke, making you turn around “Just what i wished someone had told me when avengers came to save me” you shrug and walk into the room, shutting the door.

☼-☪-☼

“I can’t believe you put a wager against your brother” You said, walking alongside Loki. wearing another tradition asgardian dress that Loki had picked out for you. It was another icy blue dress that had a soft brown leather as the straps. iIt was flowy and had a slit down the side.

“It was only a joke” He replies, holding your hand as you walked through the crowds of people. The Grandmaster had invited you and Loki to watch Thor’s fight from the ‘Grandmasters box’ stupid bastard and his stupid terms. As you walk, you pass by where the contenders are being held. Thor.

you didn’t have time “Will seen him soon. I can tell your worried about him” Loki spoke, squeezing your hand softly. “Thor was one of the first people to help me when i got out of Hydra. I owe him everything” you say. Loki sighs deeply before you both continue walking.

as you drew closer you were able to hear the cheers and roars of the crowd. jeez it’s just a bunch of idiots fighting- go watch some Tv or something. Suddenly you heard the Grandmaster speak. What a loser this guy was. Thinking that you were just some mans property.

“ow! Look at all of you. What a show, WHAT-A-NIGHT! Who's having fun? Please, I'm your host. Big round of applause for all of our undercard competitors who died so gruesomely. Good sports. What a show! What a night! This is what you've come for and so have I.”

when he finished speaking is when you and Loki entered the very bright room, filled with different people from different worlds. Bruce would have love to see this, sometimes you forget he’s gone. You just hoped that you’d find out what happened to him one day.

Loki leads you towards the front, skillfully grabbing two drinks and handing one to you. What a gentlemen- wait no. Damnit. “Making his first appearance, though he looks quite promising, got a couple of tricks up his sleeve. I'll say no more, see what you think. Ladies and gentlemen...”

you look down from the glass and see a latch lifting up. That has to be him. “I give to you...Lord of Thunder!” the Grandmaster shouts. You smile as your eyes landed on Thor “Oh my god they cut his hair!” you exclaim “It’s just hair” Loki replies, taking a sip from his drink.

you scoff “Okay, let me cut yours” you say and he glares “I’d rather die” he says and you nod “Told you so” the crowd was booing Thor, along with a couple people next you. “Oh screw yourselves” you grumble under your breath. Loki wraps his free arm around your waist and pulls you flush to his side.

“Try to behave darling, will you?” Loki leans down to whisper into your ear. You feel a tingling feeling in your stomach. Was he using his magic on you. “Yeah yeah, whatever” you huff, earning a smirk from the god holding you “That’s a good girl” he says- and there goes the stomach again.

you both turn back to watch Thor as he walks to the center of the arena. “Watch out for his fingers. They make sparks.” the Grandmaster says, making you roll your eyes at his statement. Thor puts a helmet on his head and pulls the small latch down.

The Grandmasters hologram began to rub his hands together “Okay, this is it. Let's get ready to welcome this guy. Here he comes. He is a creature. What can we say about him? Well, he's unique. There's none like him. I feel a special connection with him.” he gets the crowd riled up.

green bombs of dust or some kind of pigment begin to explode in the sky and over the crowd. “He's undefeated. HE'S THE REIGNING...HE'S THE DEFENDING...Ladies and gentlemen... I give you...” he spoke in broken sentences. Now he was getting you scared.

the door begins to open from the other side. It only happened halfway when it was smashed through by some green, big, angry...Hulk?! You feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders “Bruce?” you whisper to yourself, almost dropping the glass in your hand.

Loki on the other hand turned paler then he already was and let go of you “I have to get off this planet” he spoke and turned around to leave the room, but the Grandmaster was right behind him “Hey, hey, hey! Where are you going?” he questions, but Loki has no words. Neither do you.

the Grandmaster leads you both to the long couch and you and Loki sit side by side. You could hear Bruce screaming Hulk into the crowd. What was going on? Thor suddenly turns from the Hulk to where you guys are “Hey! We know each other. He's a friend from work!” then we went to talk to Hulk.

you didn’t notice your hands were shaking as Loki placed his on top of one yours “Are- are you alright?” he asked and you reach up to wipe away a forming tear “I haven’t seen bruce in two years. I thought he was gone- dead” despite Loki being in fear of his life he gave you a smile. “Well, that’s good”

“Loki! Y/n! Look who it is!”

you both look away from each other and look at Thor who was gesturing Hulk to look at Loki. Loki looked like he wanted the world to swallow him up “You’ll be alright. If he does come up here i can protect you. Hulk loves me” you say with a toothy grin.

suddenly Hulk charges at Thor “What is he doing?!” you shout as both Thor and Hulk begin to fight each other. This is not according to plan at all. A couple seconds later it looks like Hulk was about to grab Thor's hand “Oh thank god” you mumble to yourself a little too soon.

Hulk picked up Thor by his leg and through him repeatedly onto the ground before tossing him to the side. Loki shoots up from his seat “Yes! That's how it feels!” he exclaims. Jeez. You stand up and grab his arm. Loki turns to see the Grandmaster staring at him strangely.

“I'm just a huge fan of the sport.” Loki explains and the Grandmaster just laughs. You sit Loki down as well as yourself “Real calm and classy there antlers” you say with a small grin. Loki growls under his breath “Really? How ‘bout you let that green moron smash you into the ground”

you couldn’t help, but laugh “I’m sorry. That sounded so wrong” you say, your mind going to straight to the gutter. Loki looks at you weirdly before cringing “You are a perverted girl” he says. You shrug your shoulders “Yeah whatever. Do something about it” you say jokingly, going back to watching Thor.

you feel Loki’s hand being firmly placed on your thigh, his other hand sliding behind your back to grip your waist “I can show you what i can do about it later if you so desire” error error Y/n.exe has stopped working. You feel that fluttery feeling in your stomach again. Damn god of teasing.

you somehow manage to keep your cool and grinned at him “No offense, your highness. You couldn’t handle me” you say. His brow raises in amusement. No one has ever said such a thing to him. Just as he opens his mouth you see in the corner of your eye the Grandmaster pulling out the chip remote.

he presses the button and Thor falls to the ground. That dirty cheater.

☼-☪-☼

hours later

it was after the fight and you were pacing back and forth in your room while Loki sat on the bed “Will you cut that out?” Loki suggested and your skin change quickly. You form a icicle and throw it towards him. He catches it in his hand swiftly “Do not tell me to calm down! That dirty freak cheated!”

Loki sighs and goes to open his mouth when the door opens. “The Grandmaster has requested your presence Loki of asgard” a guard spoke. Your skin changed back to normal as Loki stood up. You go walk along with him when the guard stops you “Only Loki” he spoke.

you sigh and nod, giving Loki a small smile. “I’ll be here once you get back” you say and he sighs before leaving with the guard. Now, your stuck here. All alone. You go over to the bed and sit down. The sheets were still messed up from where Loki had slept the night before.

why were you thinking about that?

the door flies open, revealing a brown skinned woman with asgardian armor and white markings on her. “Hello Lady Y/n. Thor asked me to come find you. Noe let’s go” she spoke quickly. You got up instantly and walked to her. Wait “Will be we getting Loki?” you ask

the woman looks at you for a moment and nods “Yes- later now lets go princess before i’m late for a meeting with the Grandmaster. I heard you can fight by the way so i got you some good clothes to move around in.” you nod as you both alk out the room

☼-☪-☼

the woman, who told you to call her Val had dropped you off at the junkyard, but let you get changed first of course into a black leather warrior outfit. . At first you were confused as why she had dropped you here, but when you saw Thor leaving a quinjet.

as you ran up to him you saw another person leaving. It was Bruce in Tony’s clothes? “Bruce!” you yell. He turns around and looks at you with a confused stare “Y/n? Your taller and older. Wait- Why are you here?!” he questions. You chuckle and look at Thor “It’s a long story, where are we going?”

☼-☪-☼

with Val and Loki

both asgardians had just walked out the Grandmasters hall to find and capture Thor and Hulk. They were both walking fast since Loki said he could get them back in one hour. “What have you done?” Loki accuses only full well she had something to do with the escape.

Val takes takes one look at him and scowls “I don’t answer to you, lackey” she snaps back. Loki stops and grabs her arm “It’s Loki and you will answer to the Grandmaster” he says. Val pushes off his arm and punches him in the nose. Loki stumbles back a bit and pulls out a Sakaarian blade

“Why would you help me brother escape with that green fool?” He questions, pointing the blade at her. Val pulls out a blade of her own “I don’t help anyone” she quips back and the two rush each other. Hitting, kicking, dodging, the whole ordeal. at one point Loki grabbed her arm and saw her mark.

“You're a Valkyrie. I thought the Valkyrie all died gruesome deaths?” he says, knowing it would rile her up and it did. Val escapes from his grip and pushes him against the wall, holding the knife to his throat “Choose your next words wisely” she seethes down at him.

Loki looks up at her, smug “Terribly sorry. Must be a very painful memory...” and puts his hand on her forehead. Val was taken back to the moment the Valkyrie were sent to fight Hela for the thrown. Val watched them all die again as well as her girlfriend.

once she came back she was pushed back onto the floor by Loki. She stands back up quickly and pushes him on the ground, straddling him “You know your majesty, i have some terrible news for you. I went to your little girlfriends room after you left” she started, making Loki’s eyes go wide.

“she was a pretty one i’ll give you that. That was until i slit her throat and watched her bleed out” It was Val’s turn to rile Loki up. “Y-Your lying!” Loki shouts, struggling against her. “Oh really?” she says and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a piece of blue tool from your dress, stained with blood.

Loki felt his heart drop into his stomach, like he wanted to vomit and cry all at the same time “No...’ he mumbles and grabs the tool from her hand. Val looked stunned for a moment before punching his face and knocking him out. She was not expectantly that kind of reaction from him.

☼-☪-☼

you, Thor, and Bruce were walking through the crowd of Hulk worshippers basically when Val had found you. She had led you all inside safely. She was a pretty cool gal. You had to get her number after this. Does she have a phone. You all walked down this hall when she stops.

Bruce stopped behind thor and you stopped behind Bruce. “Look, I've spent years in a haze trying to forget my past. Sakaar seemed like the best place to drink and forget and to die one day.” Val spoke, making you frown slightly. Thor nods.

“I was thinking that you drink too much, and that probably was going to kill you.” Thor spoke. Val gave him an annoyed look before walking towards the door “Also, i have a piece offering” she said vaguely before opening the door. Thor walks in first, then Bruce.

Once you walk in you noticed Loki, chained up and hanging his head in shame, he was looking at a piece of tool that rested on the ground in front of him “Brother?” Thor spoke, crouching down to look at his face “Loki are you alright?” he asked

“she was so much like me you know, we both didn’t know where we belonged. Both too cold and felt like monsters. I had never felt that way about anyone. I don’t think i’ll ever feel that way again. I don’t want too actually, not if it isn’t her” everyone in the room could notice his voice breaking.

just as you were about too console him Val put an arm in front of you and pressed a finger to her mouth. Telling you to shut it basically. You are confused, but nod slowly “Brother. I don’t understand. Who are you talking about? What has made you this upset?” Thor questions.

Loki’s body started to shake as he sobbed “Y/n. That scraper killed her. she took her away from me, now i’m all alone again.” he explains solemnly. Thor looks confused “Loki, lady Y/n is right here” he spoke. Loki lifted his head up and Thor was right. There you were, alive.

Loki didn’t know whether to be relieved or angered, but he stuck with relieved. “Let him out!” you shout, walking over to Loki to pull on the chains. “Y/n i don’t think that’s such a good idea-” Bruce started, but you didn’t care. You got the chains undone and Loki instantly wrapped his arms around you.

“Hey, i’m here” you say as he holds onto tightly, almost like you would disappear if he let you go “I know” he replies before pulling away. You look around and notice everyone staring at you “What?” Loki spots Bruce and tilts his head “Hello Bruce” he spoke, standing up from the chair.

Bruce looks at him “So, last time i saw you, you were trying to kill everybody. Where are you at these days?” he questions. Loki looked at you then Val who was grabbing something out the closet “It varies from moment to moment” he spoke before completely ignoring him.

Loki studies your face “I’m alive Loki” you say to reassure him and he sighs “i know, just wan’t to keep it that way” he says. You muster up a smile “That is the nicest thing you have said to me since we got here” you admit. He rolls his eyes and looks down for a moment then back at you

“I need to tell you something-”

“Loki come here!” Thor says, waving at him from the otherside of the room. Loki sighs and look at you, going to say something “It’s okay. we can talk later” you reassure him and he smiles.

☼-☪-☼

you, Loki, and Thor were assigned to get a ship for all of you to leave on, but throughout the whole time you were fighting to get there Loki and Thor were talking about leaving each other or staying together. You wished you stayed with Bruce and Val.

now you were in a elevator, with you standing in front of the two, skin icy white and blue and no pupils. “Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.” Loki says. You turn around and look at him with wide eyes “Loki-” you say, but Thor interrupts “That's exactly what I was thinking.”

okay what? “Thor-” you say this time, but the same thing happens. “Did you just agree with me?” Loki asked, stunned. Thor shrugs “Come on, this place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother, you're going to do great here.” Thor says, glancing at him once- ouch.

Loki looks forward and you wished you hadn’t come at all “Do you truly think so little of me?” Loki questions. Thor pauses for a moment before looking at his brother. “ Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me” he starts.

you watch as Loki’s face changes from different emotions. To hope, then sorrow. “I don't know, maybe there's still good in you-” Thor says and gestures to you “-but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.” he finished. You stepped aside Loki and reached down to grab his hand.

Loki sighs and looks at his brother one last time “Yeah... It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.” he replies, nodding his head. You look down. Stupid boys. “That's what you always wanted.” Thor says and pats his brother on the back, you noticed he place the chip on his back.

strange, but you trust Thor’s judgement. Doesn’t mean you weren’t going to swipe the remote off of him though.

Loki looks away slowly letting go of your hand. It was silence for a few moments. Awkward silence filled with tension and emotion. Jumping through the glass and falling to your death didn’t really look so bad right now “Hey, let’s do get help” Thor pipes up.

“What?” Loki asked, turning to look at Thor again

“What’s get help?-”

“Get help” Thor repeats with a cheery smile on his face.

“Oh come on, you love it”

“No i hate it

“It’s great. It works every time”

“Its humiliating”

“Do you have a better plan?”

you got to speak when they just start talking again “No” Loki replies and Thor just looks back forward with a smile “Were doing it” he says and Loki does the same “We are not doing get help” Loki says, thinking that’s the end of it. You look at both of them and groan “I hate both of you”

☼-☪-☼

as the elevator door opens, you are stuck clinging onto the ceiling. You wait a couple of seconds “Alright. Come down” Thor calls and you jump down from the bar “Get help huh?” you chuckle, looking at Loki who turns and glares at you. You smile and walk behind them.

“Now which one is the ship she told us to get?” Thor asked. Loki pointed at a bright orange ship “The Commodore” he says. You all begin to walk. A second later he walks away, grabbing your arm to follow along with him and leaving a illusion walking alongside Thor. What?

“Though I feel it won't make much of a difference” the illusion spoke. Thor sighs “Oh Loki” and turns to see you and Loki at the control panel “I know I've betrayed you many times before, but this time it's truly nothing personal. The reward for\ your capture will set Y/n and i up nicely.”

Y/n what now? Loki presses a button on the panel and the places starts to go off “Loki, you didn’t” you gasp as you rip your arm from him. “Never one for sentiment, were you?” Thor asks. Loki grinned “Easier to let it burn.” he replies in a low tone.

Thor reaches into his pocket as his eyes go wide. You slowly back away from Loki “Y/n-” “You self centered prick!” you snapped, pulling the remote out of your pocket. His face drops and he takes a step forward “Y/n, please-” he tries to explain, but you had already made up your mind. “No!” you shout.

Loki goes to speak again, but you press the button, watching as he drops to the floor. Thor walks past you and towards Loki “Oh that looks painful” Thor mumbles. You follow after him, walking much slower. Thor kneels down beside his brother.

“Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go.” Thor speaks, looking down at Loki. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change, but you seem to just wanna stay the same.”

it hurt to see Loki that way, but in the end if he could betray Thor so easily. he’d do it to you too and no amount of love could change that “I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.” Thor sighed and stood up “I’ll start the ship” and with that, he left.

you look at Thor then Loki. You go to where Thor was kneeling and do the same “You almost fooled me i’ll give you that. The whole touch thing and flirty comments. It almost made me think you felt the same. What tied it in was the tears.” you say, watching as he turned to look at you, pain on his face.

“Maybe you do care about me, but in the end you would betray anyone to save your own skin Loki. Thor’s right, you could be so much more. To him, the world...to me” You looked up to stop the tears forming in your eyes to fall down your face. You quickly wipe them and look back down.

“Thank you for being my first hug” You stand up and throw the remote a few feet away from him. “and my last” and with that you turned away leaving Loki on Sakaar along with any feelings you had for him.

☼-☪-☼

after fighting your way out of Sakaar on a orgy ship you passed out. Bruce was the first to wake, then Val and Thor with you being the last “I never thought i’d be back here” Val spoke. You and Bruce undo your seatbelts and stand behind Thor and Val.

Asgard.

“Though it be a lot nicer” Bruce spoke up. “Bruce- dude” you say, shaking your head. He noticed all of your collective disappointed stares and sputtered “Not- noth that it’s not nice- it’s just- it’s just on fire” well he was right about that. You assumed it was Hela’s doing.

the dashboard started going off and Val looked at it “Here, up in the mountains. heat signatures, people clustered together. Hela’s coming for them” she explained, pointing at the 3D diagram. You sigh as you power up your abilities, Bruce giving you a odd stare. Guess he’s not used to it.

“Okay, drop me off at the palace and i'll draw her away.” Thor spoke up. “Thor she destroyed your hammer like nothing. You can’t do this alone!” you protest. Thor shakes his head and looks back at you, “Then you’ll come with me Lady Y/n” he says “And get yourselves killed?” Val questions

“The people trapped down there are all that matters. While we're dealing with Hela, I need you two to help get everyone off Asgard.” Thor instrucks. Bruce pokes his head in between and looks at both of them “and how the hell are we supposed to do that?”

“I have a man on the ground”

☼-☪-☼

Thor looked up at Val as her and Bruce flew away. Hm, strange.

once you two got to the castle, you noticed rumble all over the floor, even a piece with Thor’s face on it. Thor looks up at the ceiling and you follow suit. What you see in horrific. Pictures of Odin and Hela destroying worlds.

you look over at Thor and notice his grim face “Thor? Are you okay” you say. Thor sighs and nods “Wait behind a pillar. Hela should be here soon” he says and you nod, walking away to find a hiding spot.

Thor sat in the throne and began to band Odin’s scepter on the floor, causing loud booms to flow throughout the castle. Only seconds later did you here Hela’s heels down the hallway.

she was here

“sister” Thor says. You couldn’t see them, but you could hear them. “Your still alive” she says back, soundly somewhat surprised. “ I love what you've done with the place. Redecorating, I see.” Thor spoke. Was this a time to be making jokes??

“It seems our father's solution to every problem was to cover it up.” Hela snarls at him. Okay she’s getting upset. “Or to cast it out. He told you you were worthy. He said the same thing to me.” Thor responds, solem in his tone. You could hear the bitterness in his tone

“You see, you never knew him, not at\ his best.” Hela sighs like it’s a fond memory to look back on ”Odin and I drowned entire civilizations in blood and tears. Where do you think all this gold came from? And then one day he decided to become a benevolent king.”

Hela’s voice becomes more sour “To foster peace, to protect life.” she starts “To have you” ouch- that has gotta sting. “ I understand why you're angry. and you are my sister, and technically have a claim to the throne. And believe me, I would love for someone else to rule. But it can't be you. You're just the worst.”

Thor no- you hear the swish noise like the last time she put on her crown “Okay, get up. You're in my seat.” she said, done playing games with Thor. clearly. “You know, Father once told me that a wise king never seeks out war” he says, you could hear his heavy footsteps.

“But must always be ready for it.” Hela replies, drawing closer

that’s your cue

you jump down and ice the floor just as Thor jumps in the air. Hela goes to throw a blade at him, but it ends up missing because she couldn’t balance. her head snaps in your direction and she snarls “You again?!” she shouts, charging towards you.

pressing your palms together and pull them out quickly, forming a silver sword with a blue base and handle. You lift your sword, but Thor hits her away with the scepter. Hela is knocked back, but for only a moment as she gets up and charges at Thor.

she manages to knock the scepter away pin Thor against the wall “Here's the difference between us. I'm Odin's firstborn, the rightful heir, the savior of Asgard.” she spoke before throwing Thor to the floor “And you're nothing.” You run up at her and hit her away from Thor.

“and your a bitch!” you yelled. Now you two her going hand to hand “Who are you? Your not asgardian is that for sure, but i sense a power off you stronger then any human could bare” she spoke, kicking you to the ground “You have the power of a infinity stone. Now that’s interesting darling”

Hela forms a blade “Too bad that power will die with you” she smiles wickedly as she goes to plunge it into your stomach, but Thor tackles her to the ground. “Y/n leave now!” Thor shouts, as Hela knocks him in the face “But what about you!” you shout, forming a icicle in your hand to throw at her.

“This is my fight and i will not lose you. Now go!” he shouts just as Hela sliced his eye. You almost choked before you got yourself together and ran and ran and ran. “Thor i hope you know what your doing”

☼-☪-☼

as soon you headed out the castle, you used a burst of cold fog to send you into the sky. The bifrost! it’s being attacked by Hela’s knights and a large wolf. That’s where to go you guess and you another burst to send you towards the bridge.

the wolf was running towards a bunch of unarmed asgardians. You dropped onto the bifrost just as bruce came flying out the ship and landing face first “Bruce! This is why i said to keep your seatbelt on!” you shout. he’s lucky he’s mutated or he’d be dead.

the wolf sniffed Bruce for a few seconds before running your direction again. You form a blade and have it sending his way, but he wasn’t stopping. You look over and see a dark skinned man with long hair, Heimdall holding a sword “Nice to meet you i guess?” you spoke with nervous laughter.

he looked your way and nodded “You too Lady Y/n” wait- how did he know your name. Nevermind that- both you and Heimdall hold your swords in ready position. The wolf is inches away when it suddenly stopped? You watch as it’s pull back and thrown to the other side.

Hulk!

“Yes!” you shout, throwing your arms in the air. Hulk lets out a thunderous roar, hitting his chest. The wolf comes after him and they both fall off the bifrost. One problem down, two more to go. More knights begin to run towards the group and you and hemdall began to fight them off.

you are so telling Tony about this!

Heimdall gets hit in the knee and you rush over to help him when a rock guy come out of nowhere and blasts the knight into nothing. Wait- wasn’t this Thor’s friend- from back on Sakaar? “Hey man and woman. I'm Korg. This is Miek.” he introduces himself as a purple worm robot appears.

you might need therapy after this one actually “We're going to jump on that spaceship and get out of here. Want to come?” he asked. He was rather polite. You smile lightly “We’d love too Korg, just after we kill these things.” You reply. You suddenly hear something off in the distance

you and Heimdall turn to see a figure amongst the mist. Please don’t be Hela, please do not be Hela! Once the figure came to view you gasped. “Your saviour is here!” Loki shouts, standing on top of the landing pad. What a narcissist! A narcissist that you were in love with, but technicalities don’t count.

as the ship lands people of asgard begin to board “Did you miss me?” he says, you smile lightly. he had come back to save his people “Now everyone on the ship!” he commands and asgardians begin to flood in. Loki pushed through the people and made his way towards you and Heimdall.

“Welcome back. I saw you coming” Heimdall speaks. Loki purses his lips together and nods “Course you did” he says and looks at you “Surprised to see me, darling?” he says with a small smirk. You shake your head slowly with a smile “I was hoping you do the right thing. Your just boosting my ego”

Loki grinned at you for a moment before pull out two asgardian blades “Will talk more in a bit” he sends you a wink as the Knights charge you all. You fly into the air and slam into the ground, causing a cold breeze to freeze about a dozen. You watch as they crumble and fall apart.

“Didn’t know i could do that” you shrug and pull out your sword once again. The bright sky turned a dark grey as electricity struck the castle, causing a big explosion “Yes! Thor!” you shout. “Hopefully it killed that bitch, no offense since she is your sister and all” you say to Loki.

he shrugs and slices a Knight in half “Unrelated note. You look very sexy while fighting” he smirks. You shake your head as your form multiple blades and send them at the Knights behind him. Loki goes wide eyed and watch about seven fall to the ground

“Me and you definitely need to talk later” his voice came out in a growl, which honestly sent shivers up your spine. You let out a chuckle as you watch Thor crash onto the bifrost “Why not now? Your brother seems to be keeping most of their attention”

Loki raises a brow “You wan’t me to confess my undying love for you in the middle of war?” he questions. Well that was blunt. “You do have a thing for undying don’t you? Anyway, just tell me now. one of us may not live till the end of this war” you spoke.

you notice Loki’s face change to a grim one “Your not dying on me, i won’t allow it” he said, almost as it was a command. “Loki- be realistic. Now shut up and tell me” you say as you stab through a Knight “Okay- from the moment i laid eyes on you, i could tell you were like me” he says.

“How so?” you question. “You question who you are and wonder if you belong anywhere. You think of yourself as a monster just as i do to my Jotun side. I wont ever question you and we can belong to each other. I do not see you as a monster Y/n. I see you as a goddess”

wow- he could sure smooth talk a gal into anything. Jokes aside his words meant everything to you, he meant everything to you. You use your ice to put up a bubble around the both of you. Loki looks confused for a moment before turning to look at you.

“Just say you love me Loki” you chuckle. He smiles slightly and grabs your hands “Y/n, i am in love with you. I think that’s better” he quipped back. you both laugh for a moment “Do asgardians use the term boyfriend and girlfriend?” you say.

Loki shakes his head “We like to use more gender inclusive terms. So, Y/n would you like to be my forever and i yours?” you could have passed out right then and there. Also- how was asgard more woke then earth? That’s some bullshit right there.

you break away from your thoughts and nod “of course i do” you say. Loki is unable to control his smile as he dips his head down. He was leaning when Boom! the bubble is destroyed. You smile and pull away “i guess you have to wait my prince” you tease, forming your sword again.

you could tell you touched a nerve because Loki squirmed a bit “Your such a vixen, darling. I can’t wait to have you all alone” he spoke in a low tone. You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself, but the thought of you and Loki- alone. It just took over your mind.

“Can this fucking shit be over with! Hurry it the hell up Thor!” you shout as you jab your sword through two Knights and push them off the bifrost. Loki’s helmet fell as he was fighting one. You run and slide across the bifrost to grab it. Ha antlers- not right now!

Once you do you chuck it at Loki who uses it to knock the Knight of his feet and push a sword through its stomach. Loki looks up at you and you grin at him “Teamwork, my prince” you say before bursting into the air “Stop calling that in public!” he yells.

Thor comes walking up too Loki, both breathing heavily. You drop down beside them “Your late” Thor says and Loki sighs “Your missing an eye” he replies back. Huh? You look at Thor and wave your hand over it, causing a cooling effect for him “Hopefully it’s stops the throbbing” you say.

Thor nods and gives you a tired smile as Val walks past you three “This isn’t over” she breathes out. Well- she’s not wrong on that one. All four of you walk together. You all stop to catch your breath “I think we should disband the Revengers.” Thor spoke.

“Good. It was a shit idea” you comment, making Val stifle laughter. “Hit her with a lightning blast.” Loki suggests “we already did that and she rose from the dead still” you say. Thor looks at his brother in disbelief- he did just like shoot her into the sky and she’s walking.

“I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning. It did nothing.” Thor gave his brother a know it all look. You all looked forward as Hela stalked towards you all “She is so fucking creepy” you say, forming a couple blades.

Val nods in agreement “We need to hold her off until everybody's on board.” she instructs. You all nod. You really didn’t want to fight this deer looking bitch. Antlers just run in the fucking family at this point. You stretch your back a bit. Your positive you have scoliosis after all this.

Thor shakes his head “It won't end there. The longer Hela's on Asgard the more powerful she grows. She'll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.” he says. “If she’s growing more powerful from just being here then how do we stop her” you look at Thor.

Val nods along with you “She’s right, so what do we so?” she says, putting an emphasis on the world ‘what’ . Loki pauses and looks at Thor “I’m not doing get help” okay that was funny, no laughing right now though. Thor steps forward and glares at Hela before looking back at the ship of people boarding.

he’s going to give a speech isn’t he?

“Asgard's not a place, it's a people.-” there it is “-This was never about stopping Ragnarok...it was about causing Ragnarok.” he says, turning his attention towards Loki. “What’s Ragnarok?” you ask, expectanting no answer, but hey gotta love Val

“It’s this big fiery demon that was literally made to destroy Asgard and everyone on it” she explains. At that moment you honestly thought about marrying her “Wait- You want to send a demon to destroy Asgard? Shit-” you say.

Thor walks over to Loki and places a hand on his shoulder “Go to the vault. Surtur's crown. It's the only way.” he says. Loki fights against himself for a moment before nodding “Bold move, brother. Even for me.” he admits before walking over to you.

“I’ll see you soon, darling” he says with a small smile. “Well aren’t going to kiss me then?” you question, his smile turning into a grin “No..i rather give you something to look forward too” he says before running off. What a dick. You look back towards Hela “Shall we?” Thor asked the both you and Val.

Val looks at Thor and smiles lightly “After you” she says. Thor jumps into the air and destroys two of Hela’s blades. Hela kicks throw out the way as Val charged at her, but she ended being thrown too. Your turn. You burst into the air and throw four blades at her. She dodges them all and sends you away with Val.

Thor picks up a Knights discarded sword and tries to plunge in into Hela, but she dodges that too. Thor turns to Heimdall and shouts “Go! Go now!” and Heimdall gets onto the ship. Hela throws a spear at him and it jabs right through Thor’s shoulder.

the ship starts to lift into the air and Hela notices. She uses big spikes from the ground and shoots them in, keeping the ship in place “I’ll handle that. You two keep her busy!” you shout and fly into the air. How were you going to do this? You watch as Knights begin to crawl the spikes and up towards the asgardians.

you had to make a move now.

just as your about to land you hear..gunshots?! Since when her guns on Asgard? Just as you got close enough a man holding to large guns jump off of the ship and onto the bifrost, breaking the spike in the process. He lands on the bifrost and you jump down next to him.

“What’s your name? Weren’t you working for Hela?” you question suspiciously. The man looks ashamed “My name is Skurge. Yes i did work for Hela temporarily, but i know now that she is not a true queen and i wan’t to make it right” he confesses.

you smile and nod at him “Good for you dude. Now prove it!” you shout and charge into battle. You love a good redemption ark. You and your new friend Skurge fight off the Knights. “Hela!” he shouts, catching the goddess’s attention. Well fuck.

as you two fought off the last one Hela sent a blade in Skurge’s direction. You didn’t think. You should have thought before you acted, but you didn’t. You were just too nice to strangers. You jump in front of Skurge and catch the blade in your back, causing you to gasp out.

skurge looks at you in shock as you slowly drop to the floor. From a distance Thor and Val watch in horror as there comrade is smite down. “No!” Thor screamed, lighting bursting in every direction “Hela enough!” he shouts, standing up “if you want Asgard. It’s yours”

Skurge moves you and pulls the blade from your back. Your vision became spotty “Loki?” you murmur as you look up “i’m so sorry” Skurge cried. Hela looked towards Thor “Whatever game you're playing, it won't work. You can't defeat me.” Hela says with a evil grin.

Skurge watched the life drain from your body as it turned to ice. A statue of who you used to be cold and frozen over. “I’m so sorry ma’am” he breathes out as he touches your face. He felt so guilty. It should have been him is what he kept thinking over and over again.

suddenly the Sakaar ship lands next to Skurge and Loki jumps out. His whole world came crashing down once he saw you. A frozen corpse. “She saved him so i stayed with her” skurge explains. Loki lifts a hand and waves him away, which is what Skurge does so.

Loki drops to his knees and touched your frozen skin “Even in death you are beautiful my love. I should have kissed you when you asked me too, but i just had to be cheeky” he says, tears forming down his face and falling onto your frozen body.

“No one can ever match your beauty, your skill, or your big heart and i will never love again. You taught me what it’s like to love and to be loved and i- i-” Loki broke down and let his tears fall like a waterfall. He was alone again. Now he would have to live his miserable life without you

☼-☪-☼

you sat up, breathing heavily. You were in a castle. Thor’s castle. How? Where’s Hela? Where’s Loki. You push yourself off the floor instantly and look around. “You must be terribly confused” you heard a woman speak. You turn around and see a older woman with light auburn hair.

“Who are you and where is everyone?” you snap at her, but she just smiles “My name is Frigga dear” she spoke kindly. You look at her in horror “You’re Loki and Thor’s mother- but....your dead. That means that i’m-” you almost gag on your own words.

“i’m afraid so dear” she speaks and gives you a sad smile. “No! I have to get back! Loki is expecting me to be there. I have to help stop Hela!” you say. This couldn’t be happening “Ragnarok has already begun and Asgard is to fall any moment. Don’t you want to rest?”

your whole life has been nothing but pain and hard work. You had never ‘rested’ a day in your life. As much as it sounded like a treat, you still had responsibilities “No. I chose to stay and fight Hela because Thor is my friend and i’m not giving up on him or Loki, Val, Bruce or the asgardians.

Frigga gives you a proud smile “That’s what i wanted you to say. I’ll bring you back” she says and rolls up her sleeves “You have to do something for me though” she spoke. You stepped towards her “Anything” he say hastily “Marry my son. Loki deserves it more then ever and so do you”

you give your future mother in law a smile “Of course. How are you going to bring me back anyway?” you question. Frigga grans both your hands and smiles “Ancient magic that is far to complex. Now when i bring you back it will be with an asgardian soul” she says. You looked confused.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’ll be an asgardian along with your abilities.”

you smile lightly. You could live as long as Loki now and truly be together forever. “Okay, i’m ready” you say and she nods “Tell my sons that i love him and tell Loki that choosing to be his mother was one of the best days of my life and Thor...that he doesn’t have to rule Asgard to be a great leader.”

you nod, locking the words into your memory. Frigga starts mumbling a spell and you feel your body become lighter and lighter until you feel like you pass out.

☼-☪-☼

Loki lifts his head up from your body as it starts to defrost. His eyes go wide as underneath the ice is your beautiful face. Your eyes shoot open and you fly into the sky. Your whole body emitting a white and blue aura. You flew towards Thor, Val and Hela.

Thor puts his hands on his hips and points behind him “No i know, but he can” he says and Surtur comes crashing through the castle. As Hela stares at her downfall Val takes the opportunity to pierce her sword through Hela’s chest. Your form an ice spear and launch yourself down, stabbing it straight through her.

Thor sends and burst of electricity and you back away, slowly landing on the bifrost. It was over. Hela was doen for and you wanted to leave this retched planet.

☼-☪-☼

you walk through the ship until you find Thor and Loki in one room. Loki was holding a cap to a liquor bottle. “Hello boys” you spoke and they both turn to look at you “Lady Y/n, the girl who cheated death! No wonder you and Loki are perfect for each other” Thor announced, bowing at you.

you smiled and walked over to a loveseat, Loki following suit and sitting next to you “Yeah uh- i didn’t cheat anything. I actually died” You said “But how, your right here?” Loki says, grabbing your hand “I came back with a little help of a certain someone” you say.

Thor walks over and sits down across from you two “Who?” he questions and take a sip of his drink “Frigga” you said, making the brothers look at you in shock “Mother, how?” Loki asked. “I woke up in the castle and she was there. She said she could bring me back and gave me a few things to say”

both boys inched closer “She said she loves you both and Thor, you don’t have to rule asgard if it isn’t what you wan’t. Your still a great man and Loki” you turn your body to face your forever “one of the best days of Frigga life was choosing to be your mother and love you like her own blood”

Loki’s face said just about enough as well as Thor’s. They both looked at there laps, smiling to themselves. “I’m also asgardian now” you say, grabbing a drink from the table. Thor drops his glass on the floor, smashing it into tiny pieces. That was a nice cup.

“What!?” they both shout.

☼-☪-☼

Loki had found you both a room on the ship with a perfect view of the unknown outside. You were currently looking through it now, thinking. A pair of arms wrap around you from behind “I still owe you a kiss” Loki breathes out. You smile brightly and turn around in his hold, facing him.

“I believe you do...my prince” You say at the end just to tease him. Loki growls under his breath before pressing his lips to yours for a hungry kiss while his hands pulled you flush against him. You thought your first kiss would be sweet and short, but Loki’s was needy and passionate.

you both pulled at each others clothing, wanting it off but not having the strength to pull away and do so. After a minute of two Loki pulls away “I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks” he admits, making you chuckle. “Good thing you have me all night then, my forever. i love you Loki of asgard”

Loki grins at your words and kisses your forehead “i love you as well, Y/n, my forever”

☼-☪-☼

Kody- I want no one to talk about how long it is, it hurts to even mention.

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 3 years

Note

So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

#anon #my spn thoughts #season 10 #spn 10x09 #spn 10x23 #dean and john #parental abuse #john winchester's a+ parenting #mark of cain #demon dean #spn #i love talking about season 10 uh

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zodiyack · 3 years

Text

Curiosity Killed The Cat

Requested by Anon: I know we do happy Elizabeth Shelby but, could you imagine teen Elizabeth figuring out that Bonnie was never her real dad? And it was a dead beat bastard? I’m feeling kinda angsty????

Pairing: Bonnie Gold x Female!Shelby!Reader, Mentioned Male!Character x Female!Shelby!Reader, Bonnie & Reader + Elizabeth Shelby (platonic)

Warnings: Angst, swearing, mention of teen pregnancy

Words: 1,898

Summary: (See Request)

Note: I like- I had an idea, altered it a little halfway through, and then went with it. I hope you like it, anon!

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @simonsbluee, @fandom-puff, @marquelapage, @stuckysslag, @psychkunox, @darling-i-read-it, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @i-love-superhero

Masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist | Elizabeth L. Shelby Masterlist

She had never meant to invade another’s privacy in her life...but one little detail pulled the small bit of string sticking from the yarn ball, unraveling into one big mess. That was how she’d ended up in the situation never meant to happen. But it did.

It was a slow morning, Bonnie out to help with the Peaky Blinders and Y/n helping Ada and Polly with the boys. Elizabeth had a free day from her schooling and her ever growing mind was still as inquisitive as it was when she were just a babe.

The study, in which her parents did most of their work, was not off limits to her, just a place where she hadn’t been as often. Because of that, she decided she’d spend her time taking care of her boredom by snooping around.

All was going pleasantly until she found a letter, hidden in the bottom drawer of her mother’s wooden desk. Elizabeth frowned to herself, knowing better than to stick her nose into things that were not hers to know of, and began to move the items in the drawer to return the letter to its original place. However, the glimpse she caught of her name, or what looked like her name, sprawled in messy handwriting, caught her like a fish on a hook and reeled her in.

The word had been seen slightly between the folded end and the middle. She wasn’t completely sure it had been her name, so she debated leaving it alone and moving on with her day or giving into the pull of the hook of intrigue.

Biting her lip, she looked around. Then she breathed slowly and carefully unfolded the paper.

When Bonnie and Y/n returned to their home, they had expected a few things. Perhaps the house would be spotless and Elizabeth would act as if it were nothing, or the house would be a mess and she would have a boy over- that idea caused Bonnie to almost crash the car. Thinking of many things they’d find, Elizabeth with her arms crossed, a paper in her hand and a conflicted look upon her face was not one of them.

It was like they were the teens caught out and about in the middle of night by returning after curfew and she was the angry parent. Her expression caused her parents to stop in place and give her a questioning look. Ellie unfolded her arms and held up the paper. Right at that moment, Y/n’s heart stopped and dropped into her stomach. She squeezed Bonnie’s hand tightly.

“Who wrote this?” The two exchanged a knowing glance. “Mother. Who wrote this?”

Y/n hesitated getting the answer out of her mouth. The letter was something she hadn’t thought about, something she yearned to forget. “Your father.”

“My father? But I thought he was my father.” Elizabeth gestured to Bonnie, who sighed and moved to take a seat opposite to Elizabeth. “Have a seat, mum, I think we have something to talk about.”

“Indeed we do, Elizabeth.” Bonnie avoided his daughter’s- step-daughter’s eyes as he spoke, staring at his hands.

Y/n did as her daughter requested, more so demanded, and sat beside Bonnie. She too held a sheepish manner.

“Please, tell me, why am I just now learning of my father? Why not when I was a little girl? Why is he not a part of my life?”

The final question led Bonnie to surge upward from his seat, finally making eye contact with a now startled Elizabeth. “That man will have nothing to do with you if I have any say in this whatsoever!” His face was as red as a tomato, but calmed a few shades as Y/n put a soft hand on his arm.

“You don’t have a say in it. This is between my mother and I.” She looked at him apologetically, “You will always be my dad, but I want to know my real father.”

“He’s right...ya know? I never really wanted you around him...but-” Was it worth it? Ruining his image before Elizabeth had the chance to even meet him? He lived right there in Birmingham, she could meet him and see for herself, but, as Y/n thought more about it, he was a cruel man, one who neglected to even care for his child or his lover who was carrying said child.

“But what? Is he dead or something?”

“No, but-”

“But nothing!” Moments prior, Bonnie had scared Elizabeth with an outburst of his own, but it was the adults this time who nearly fell out of their chairs in surprise. “Either let me meet him or leave me to find him on my own.” She whipped around, her shoes clacking against the floors as she paced quickly to her room, leaving her parents to discuss her ultimatum.

Each meal went by with an awkward tension hanging over the three, the room filled with silence if you didn’t count the scraping of spoons against bowls or forks against plates. The simple sound only worsened the strained feeling in the air.

No answer came to Elizabeth, so she took matters into her own hands, following out her second offer and sought to find the man who gave her life. Each day she’d ask the name of which had been signed on the letter, going as far as to put his name in the newsprint. As a Shelby, she didn’t have to pay a single thing to have the people put anything in the news, but the goodness of her heart got the best of her and the people themselves. They offered to call the place she had been staying when they had a lead, but sadly, no calls had been made.

But one day, while she sat with the same hopefulness by the telephone with a cup of coffee in hand, the ringing filled her ears and a smile struck her face instantaneously. She almost dropped the coffee onto the carpeted hotel flooring as she jumped to set it down and grab the phone. “Hello?!” Her voice beaned with joy.

“Miss! There’s a call from the newsprint office,” the woman from the front desk said, voice ringing with a sense of rush, “they’re on hold- they say it’s urgent!”

The smile on Elizabeth’s face widened, “Please, put them on the line!”

“Miss Shelby, we have him!”

He waited for her in the lobby of the hotel, confusion obvious on his features. Elizabeth slowly walked down the stairs and the second her eyes met his, she felt sure that it was him. “Father!” She grinned and raced to him. Ellie threw her arms around him the second she reached him.

A small feeling of uncertainty picked at Elizabeth when he didn’t hug her back right away. She noticed his hesitation almost instantly but brushed it off when he finally wrapped his arms around her small frame. “You must be...”

“Elizabeth. Elizabeth Luludja Shelby.” She paused, furrowing her brows a little when he scoffed at her middle name, but continued nevertheless. “I’m um...your daughter.”

“Did your mother tell you about me?”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, sucking in a breath bitterly. “No.”

“Oh...It’s fine with me. Never liked the whore that much anyways.”

Another pang of guilt struck Elizabeth, but again, she ignored it. “Yeah...” She laughed nervously, the unsure feeling growing deeper, twisting into a big sign that told her in capital letters to RUN. But she didn’t.

The two spent the day together, bonding and discussing what he would’ve done with her had he been given the opportunity to be her father. Of course, he never wasted the chance to call Y/n slurs and ghastly words. All seemed fine, Ellie wondered why on earth her parents thought he was a bad man, until he did yet another thing to make Elizabeth’s fight or flight mode prepare itself despite her not exactly wanting to.

He offered to hold her bag whilst she used the toiletries, then when he handed it back, took her to a shop. There, when paying, she found that a large amount of funds she’d been saving up since childhood had been missing. She bit the inside of her mouth and shook her head. But still, she refused to give up on him just yet.

They walked the streets, making small talk as they went by. “You got a lover yet?”

“Not quite. Mother said I should be sure before giving my heart to someone.”

“Yeah, well, your mother got herself knocked up before she was even of age so. Best think about who you’re getting advice from, Eirene.” He butchered her name off the bat, but she’d ignored that too, only correcting him each time- just not this one. “Date and fuck whoever you want, don’t let that bitch boss you around.”

He leaned closer to her, allowing her to smell the alcohol under his breath, the tobacco and surely, without a doubt, plenty of drugs. She cringed, scrunching her face and looking away from him in hope to get fresh air, but something about that smell stuck with her. What had he used her money on? Did his breath smell like that before? Was he intoxicated at the hotel?

“Listen, I think it’s best I get going...” She tried to pull away from him, but he caught a grip on her arm, tighter than he should’ve.

“No. You’re staying with me and that’s final. Come on Eliza, lets go meet my friends. You ever try snow before?”

That was the final time the red lights flashed. In what felt like a split second slowed dramatically, Elizabeth socked her father in the nose, hearing a cracking sound before he let go of her arm and she stumbled backwards a little.

“You bitch!” His grumble was muffled from behind his hand. He covered his nose and mouth, blood on his hand from either places but Ellie didn’t know which. “Why the fuck would you do that?!”

She was ready to apologize, but for once, it felt good to do something un-ladylike. “I seldom act as barbarous as that, but I know one thing. I feel not guilt for my actions, but justice. You call my mother horrid names that she would never be defined by, you can’t even stay clean for a visit with your own daughter nor keep your thieving hands out of anything that is not your own! Let alone remember my name!”

“And?!”

“And-” She hesitated, but rolled her eyes and let it out. “And fuck you. I believe there is good in everyone, but you have shown me otherwise. I thought mother and...and my father were wrong, that my birth father was a good man, but the day started with joy and ended in disappointment. I’m ashamed to even be from your blood. May you rot in the deepest depths of hell, you dishonorable bastard.”

Gasps came the people around them, making Elizabeth look around and glare at the bystanders, “Fuck off before the Peaky Blinders have you all...”

She turned to the man, still on the ground clutching his face, and thought about how she’d spent just a little less than a month searching for him; news traveled fast in Birmingham. “In fact, you’re lucky all you got was me. Because, if you have any brain whatsoever, you’ll leave Birmingham before you get the Peaky Blinders too.”

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tigerseye46 · 3 years

Text

Red Sand/Shark AU

So this is an au where Sha Wujing is the one who retired and Red is his successor.

I had a lot of amazing help from my anons and others for this au and I just want to thank them for that! You all made the au 100% more awesome! So here’s the au (re-uploaded cause it wouldn’t appear on my dash):

Sha Wujing: Sha Wujing takes Wukong’s place as the teacher and retired hero of this au and is the mentor of Red Son, albeit a reluctant mentor. Sha Wujing, unlike his canon counterpart, has not calmed down and is still rage-filled due to isolating himself for centuries. He has isolated himself due to Tripitaka’s death at the hands of a demon which he believes he, Bajie and Wukong could have prevented even though the other two were nowhere near at the time. He has a strained relationship with them because of this belief. Due to the monk’s death, he started picking fights in the mortal realm with any demon and sometimes human he could. The other three tried to stop him at multiple points but he wouldn’t listen and they had no choice but to give up. Eventually he came to the conclusion that this isn’t what Tripitaka would want and decided to pick one last fight to seal the Spider Queen before retiring.

He has rarely spoken to anyone else in centuries, he is extremely closed off to people. and has a lot of rage pent up. He lives on a mountain around the city that has a small house on his mountain and it has a river. He has the basics, oven, microwave, fridge, he also has a tv. Although he doesn’t use the television as much and considers it good background noise while he’s cooking or training. He absolutely despises it when any trace of his past adventures come onto the screen due to the events that have happened. He has a bunch of training equipment around that he uses to at least better manage his rage. He also builds inventions similar to his counterpart and it is something he and Red have in common. He does love tea and cats in this au but doesn’t own any cats in the beginning. He keeps a shrine of Tripitaka in his home and talks to it at certain points, he also has Tripitaka’s old staff.

Fun fact, he didn’t even want a successor and the only reason Red became his successor is because Guanyin appeared to him a couple years before the au and told him that trouble was brewing. She knows he gave up fighting so she proposes that he find a successor and she knows the perfect candidate, Red. After watching him for a bit, he agreed with her and waited for something to happen but wasn't exactly happy at the thought of having to train someone since it meant having prolonged social interaction, especially someone that almost killed his brother even if he isn’t Wukong’s biggest fan by that point. He is rather grumpy while training Red and they clash at certain points but they do have a respect for each other. He is more blunt and honest here.

Red: Red Son is the successor of Sha Wujing and formerly the disciple of Guanyin who after noticing how far he had come decided to let him go to the city to meet new people. He arrives at the city 2-5 years before the events of the au start and keeps a human form. While they still have somewhat of a temper, it is nowhere as bad as canon. They were initially confused by the city as due to being under Guanyin’s teaching, they weren’t as exposed to technology. It wasn’t until they met Mei who showed them the ropes that they finally got the hang of things. They build inventions like their counterpart but aren’t as skilled as canon Red since they’ve only been doing this for five years tops.

Mei actually gave her a place in the beginning since they didn’t have anywhere to go since they were still new. Red refused at first but gradually gave into Mei’s persistence. They were roommates for a while while the demon figured out where they could work. They noticed Mei’s struggle with her parents and encouraged her to be open about it, resulting in her becoming happier as a person and embracing her dragon heritage. Mei introduced them to Tang and got taken in by the human. Tang gave Red a place at his shop, although he works more at the cover business since he wants some sense of normalcy but he does do things like stock supplies for the magic side sometimes.

He hasn’t told anyone who his parents are nor has he found them again and prefers to keep a low profile. He also keeps the fact that he’s a demon a secret along with his fire powers. The fire powers only show up when he’s overcome with rage but since they aren’t as rage filled as their canon counterpart, that is rare. He isn’t exactly thrilled to be someone’s successor since it meant giving up his normal life but does it to further atone for his actions.

Mei/Long Xiaojiao: Xiaojiao remains here as the descendant of the Dragon of the West and is Red’s best friend. She found Red Son wandering the city one day and allowed him to stay with them until they found a place to work so Red has actually been inside her house before. Throughout his stay, she accidentally vented about her troubles with her parents which Red helped her with and because of that, she is less insecure about her place as descendant of the Dragon of the West. From that point forth, she was more open about her problems. She also obtained the dragon blade relatively early thanks to Red and her parents’ urging.

She, like Red, works for Tang but at his magic business and spends time being Tang’s assistant. Her job is to sometimes collect ingredients and deliver if the client asks. She is more reckless here due to having the dragon blade for years and because of the amount of demons she faced. She is slightly more protective here because of Red since she thinks he doesn’t know how to expertly fight as he hasn’t revealed who he is to her yet.

MK/Qi Xiaotian: Xiaotian is the biological son of Syntax and the only human of the Spider group. After the incident when he was around 12 that resulted in his dad becoming a spider, his life was completely changed and they were taken in by Huntsman and Goliath. Learning of their plan to free the Spider Queen, Syntax offered to help, knowing from Goliath that she would protect his son. They raised him where he turned into a mix of all of them. Since he is Syntax’s son, his father made sure he got the best education and taught him many things because of this, he knows a lot about tech and sometimes uses technology based insults like his dad, the other insults he uses are the more crass ones because of Huntsman. While he knows a lot about tech, he’s bad at practical applications and ends up setting things on fire.

They know how to hunt because of Huntsman and spar with him regularly in an effort to get strong to protect their family. Since they’re the only human, they feel the need to prove themself to the Spider Queen who doesn’t really give them a thought in the beginning as she’s more concerned with returning the spider demons to their former glory. The issue of him as the only human has caused somewhat of a disconnect between him and his father.

He is rather cocky and reckless here because of Huntsman and Syntax who both have massive egos, something that was passed down to him. Although deep down he is a sweetheart thanks to Goliath. He uses the tech insults to insult his rival, Red Son and makes fun of him on a daily basis which is great because Red only slightly knows what those mean. He is still an artist here and was encouraged by his father to pursue his passion, he is also still a slight Monkey King fan because of stories he heard when he was little. While he makes fun of Huntsman for wanting to date his dad, he does want to be able to call him his stepdad one day. He has a staff given to him by his dad when he was around 15 that contains some cool things.

Sun Wukong: takes Tang’s place kinda. Actor and scholar. Sun Wukong in this au is the owner of a theatre that for the most part does JTTW plays, he is also an actor and scholar. He spent about 300-400 years in retirement before finally deciding to enter the world again and do something. He has a rivalry with Macaque since both are scholars and always have academic arguments. He remains king of Flower Fruit Mountain but mainly lives in the city now. He maintains a human form to not attract attention from demons.

Before owning the theatre, he was a big name actor (well still is) that did mostly Monkey King related stuff to honor his past adventures and family. He even directed, starred and wrote stuff for his own movies and tv shows, something he does for the theatre now. He also produced some video games. He used to bring his monkeys on the set sometimes and does that now for his theatre, people have no idea where the monkeys come from. Some joke that he’s gotten really into his role and there are those that call him the “Monkey Actor.”

He carries a good amount of guilt over Tripitaka’s death especially after what Wujing said to him and believes he doesn’t really deserve to be called a hero. He also feels bad that he couldn’t help Wujing and that the incident resulted in the demon closing off. He hides all of this under a confident attitude. He hardly uses his staff anymore but still has it. He’s had off/on contact with Zhu Bajie over the years and misses him and the rest of his family deeply. When they meet up around the time the series starts, the pig informs him that he’s found Wujing but they don’t go talk to him since they know the other doesn’t want them around. Instead, the two hang out again with Wukong absolutely dreading the idea that they’ll lose contact again. Bajie actually introduces him to the kids he sometimes babysits and they eventually begin calling Wukong “yéyé.” He met Tang when he heard a rumor about his magic business and decided to check it out, he stuck around even after finding out the human was harmless because he met Red again, he hasn’t told Red or Tang who he is.

Tang: Tang is surprise, surprise, Tripitaka’s reincarnation. He does get dreams sometimes but he writes them off as fantasies. Compared to his counterpart, he is a lot tougher than his normal counterpart and actually fights. He runs two shops with one that is a secret magic shop (mostly temporary enhancements and minor spells), he’s proficient in both hand to hand combat and magic.

He is slightly more serious in this due to running a business now but not as serious as Pigsy would be. His nerdiness is toned down here but still present. In fact when Red is working, Tang likes to bring up different stories from the past despite the fact that Red knows them already. He gave Red the apartment above the shop and has no idea that the kid he adopted is actually a demon. He is rather annoyed and angry at the fact that Red was chosen by Sha Wujing to be his successor even though he is partially a fan of the demon and totally doesn’t have a celebrity crush on him. While he isn’t aware of everything Red has gone through, he is aware that the kid has had a rough life and wants to protect him.

Zhu Bajie/Pigsy: Zhu Bajie, after years of loneliness, came out of hiding and wandered the mortal world as he needed something to occupy his time. He’s had off/on contact with Wukong throughout the years. Eventually he settled into the city where he’s known as a beloved and involved member of a small part of it. He is seen as an ‘uncle/grandpa figure’ there and is sometimes asked to watch over the kids. The kids absolutely adore him and he in turn adores them. He takes them out a lot to places and spoils the heck out of them. He actually met Wukong again when he took the kids out to see the plays at Wukong’s theatre and enjoys taking them there because he gets to see the king, he’s become a huge fan. He memorized the surrounding mountain range there and partially chose the city as there is a path that leads to Wujing, he hasn’t told Wujing he’s tracked him down. He’s just kept tabs on him, mildly happy with that since he knows his brother doesn’t want to see him.

While he retains his snarkiness here, his temper isn’t as bad here due to not being business focused since he doesn’t own one. He retains his parental instincts here since he’s a grandpa now. He has grown a lot since the JTTW days and is proud of this fact. He is on the more reasonable side of things between Wujing who is unnecessarily angry and Wukong who believes he doesn’t have the right to be considered a hero.

Macaque: Macaque in this au is retired from fighting and does not have much of a grudge against Wukong as he does in canon. Although they do have a rivalry as fellow scholars and constantly complain about each other’s theses suck. They are usually one debate away from fighting each other in the parking lot of Wukong’s theatre.

Demon Bull King: Demon Bull King takes Macaque’s spot as the one who trains and plans to take Red’s powers. After their son became Guanyin’s disciple, the two were extremely worried about their child and held resentment for Sun Wukong and his gang that continued long after the gang defeated him. Princess Iron Fan and him had a falling out that resulted in them parting ways (although still married) but they still love each other very much. DBK heard rumors floating around about someone that had become Sha Wujing’s successor and that someone matched his son’s description. Angered over the fact that his son was forced to become someone’s successor, he found a spell that would take his powers. He crafted a plan to lure his son out to do so so his son could be relieved of that pressure along with protecting him and so he could use that power to take revenge on those around them.

Princess Iron Fan: Princess Iron Fan is the main villain of the Red Sand/Shark au. Due to the loss of her son and the fall out with her husband, Princess Iron Fan has become rather desperate to get her family back and she’ll do it by any means necessary. She has kept herself hidden for years, plotting ways to bring her family together. Once she found out that Red Son became Sha Wujing’s successor, it caused her to lash out as her son was within reach but forced to be what she considered a weapon, a pawn. She took advantage of the blood oath she made, promising the twins that if they joined her, she would make people cower before them. She used them to attack on New Years in the hopes of grabbing her son and taking over the world. While that might have failed, she has other tricks up her sleeve and will make Red join her, no matter what.

Spider Queen: Spider Queen once led a powerful army that threatened to disrupt the mortal realm. She was feared by mortals and respected and loved by her subjects. This ended when she faced Sha Wujing and was actually the last demon Sha Wujing fought before he retired. He decided to seal her, citing her as a danger. Due to her containment, the various spider clans started declining as their royal line had been deposed of. Things have become desperate and it is believed that the Spider Boys are part of the last generation before they are wiped out entirely, although there may be more out there. They have decided to free the Spider Queen as her era was the last time the spiders were prosperous and believe she is the key to saving their future.

Goliath (Strong Spider): Goliath remains a total sweetheart in this au and is one of the reasons Xiaotian contains sweet qualities. He is completely supportive and encouraging of Syntax and Huntsman’s feelings for each other and wishes they would just admit it. He bakes in his spare time and gets help from Xiaotian. He is also the other’s confidant and manages to keep secrets relatively well. He does suggest that they speak about these issues but doesn’t push them.

Huntsman: Huntsman is the same here but has a more fatherly side to him as he’s helped Syntax raise MK and has actually developed feelings for the nerd spider. He taught Xiaotian to be an excellent hunter and spars with him on a regular basis. He cheers the kid on during fights unless he has to do something like go save him for a reckless endeavor. He doesn’t admit how much the kid and the others mean to him often but will slip up and admit it. He and Syntax have snarky banter with each other and have a trusting relationship that neither acknowledges.

Syntax: Syntax is the biological and single father of Xiaotian. He was a relatively hardworking and great father that taught Xiaotian to make different things, gave him the best education he could and encouraged him in art endeavors. He was turned into a spider by a horrific lab accident when his son was around twelve. Resentment, horror and terror piled up in him because of that incident. He had absolutely no idea what to do, he was a human turned spider all because of what happened, there is a possibility that no one was going to treat him the same after this, people would assume he had malicious intent and might try to separate him from his son. After that, he spent a good portion trying to return himself back to normal but no matter what he did he could not. Afraid for the safety of him and his son, Syntax began to research the spiders, learning they were almost gone but there may be some out there. He took Xiaotian with him where they bumped into Huntsman and Goliath who were trying to find ways to bring the Spider Queen back. He joined them as Goliath had assured the queen would offer them protection. Along the way, he had come to see them less as allies and more as family, not that he would admit it. He began falling in love with Huntsman after getting to know him for years and seeing deeper sides of him. When Xiaotian was around 15, he crafted a sci fi tech staff for his son which contains some tricks and traps, including a GPS that can be used for when his son is in trouble.

Yin and Jin: Yin and Jin take Spider Queen’s place here. They trapped Red in the calabash just like they did with canon MK and after that incident, they continued popping up with a variety of plans, most that have failed. Red eventually stopped taking them seriously and treated them more as nuisances than real threats. In an effort to be taken more seriously they created a partnership between them and PIF. They shook with excitement at New Years when they began to topple people around them, this died down when the plan didn’t work but they continued to listen to PIF’s instructions, little do they know she’s just using them to get her son back.

White Bone Spirit and Mayor: These two are nowhere near as dangerous as they are in canon and actually replace Yin and Jin as the comic relief although the Mayor is still slightly creepy. WBS probably has a much older host or has shapeshifted to give herself a human form. She tries to get revenge for her defeat at the hands of Sun Wukong and since Red is the closest thing she messes with him instead. She believes she is a powerful antagonist but is more of the average shape-shifting demon and the Mayor serves as her minion. They come up with schemes similar to Yin and Jin but unlike Yin and Jin don’t ever come up with a way to be taken more seriously.

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thicctails · 3 years

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Summer Of Whump Days 16 + 19 [Touch-Starved/Hope]

Happy Father’s Day! Have toothpick dad figuring out how to get his adike outta space prison.

Crosshair pressed his forehead against the wall of his bunk, gritting his teeth. His head was pounding, the ache radiating from the left side and seeping down through his skull and spreading into the rest of his mind. It had been a steadily building pain, starting when that damn animal had hit him with its tail. He’d dodged going to a medic, instead choosing to spend his free time trying to sleep the migraine off. So far, it hadn’t worked.

He pulled his pillow over his head when a slight ringing started to form in his ears. The sound grew and grew and grew, until all he could hear was the unyielding, skull-piercing ringing.

Then, silence.

Crosshair blinked.

It was like a huge drop of cold water had been dropped on him, shocking him back to reality. He sat up, running a hand over his face. The guilt and disbelief of his actions had him reeling for a moment. He’d almost killed his vod'ika, would have had Omega not sacrificed herself. He went a little pale at the memory of what state the girl had been in when they’d been picked up. Whatever had happened on that Jedi cruiser, it had been ugly, and he felt a ripple of burning shame rush through him when he thought about how much it must have hurt to stand in front of him like she had.

He slid off of his bunk, not bothering to grab his helmet. He needed to go see her, make sure her burns were getting properly treated. It had been a day and a half, had anyone gone to change her bandages? Checked in on her? Fed her? Likely not, as he seemed to be the only one here who understood how important it was for her to remain alive and healthy. That was still top priority, but now it was for different reasons.

He had to get them out of here, back to his vode and out of the Empire’s reach. Omega’s existence was proof that the Kaminoans had successfully managed to create an artificial Force-sensitive being, and the thought of them creating an army of Force-sensitive clones with inhibitor chips sent a chill down his spine.

No. He’d find a way out of this outpost and off of the planet before they were due to make the trip back to Kamino. He’d have to find a way to get the chip out, maybe go back to Bracca? Then he’d find a way back to his batchmates and they’d disappear. Good. Yes. Great plan.

Pausing, he stepped behind a wall as a group of troopers marched past. They had come from the direction of the prison cell. He scowled at them silently, fighting the itch to end their lives. He needed to be subtle, cunning, and stealthy, which meant he couldn’t let his temper flare up, lest he risk being discovered.

Once the coast was clear, he slipped out from behind the wall and approached the room door. He put in the password and stepped inside once the door slid open. His eyes widened upon seeing that someone new had been put into the cell. The kid was tugging at a thick, black collar, a red light blinking rapidly. He jolted suddenly, his muscles spasming as he was electrocuted.

“Cal!” Omega cried, reaching out to him. Her own collar began to blink rapidly, and she yelped when the same happened to her. Pillow, who was chained against the, was honking loudly, the sound sounding more like short roars now. He was the one to first notice Crosshair, and he snarled at the clone, his tail smashing against the wall. The stone cracked under the force, bits of the wall crumbling away.

“Shh!” He hissed, putting a finger up to his lips. “Do you want to get into even more trouble?”

The two children gasped when he spoke, their eyes widening in fear. The boy, named Cal, apparently, glared at Crosshair. He moved in front of Omega, shielding her as best he could. His collar beeped, but not enough to activate the electric shock. Omega peered at him, her large brown eyes wet with unshed tears.

“Crosshair?” She asked, her voice sounding strained. The collar was probably pressing against her already bruised throat.

“It’s me, ad’ika.” He said softly, kneeling down. “I’m back, at least for now.”

Omega brightened, her face splitting into a wide grin. She shuffled forward, but the other kid remained firm. He didn’t move from his spot, and Crosshair could practically feel the anger and mistrust rolling off him in waves.

“How do we know we can trust you?” He snapped.

“You don’t, but you’re going to have to.” Crosshair replied. “We need to get out of here. Fast. A transport vessel will be here before the week is out, and we need to be gone before that happens.”

“Well in case you haven’t noticed,” Cal pointed to the collar on his neck, “we’re kinda trapped here. These collars shock us every time we try and use the Force.”

“And Pillow is stuck over there!” Omega chimed in, gesturing to where said amphibian was straining against the short chain that was keeping him trapped. “We can’t leave without him!”

Crosshair hummed, peering at the collars. There was a small slit on each one, a lock that would need a certain key card to open. A key card that he didn’t have.

“I’ll find a way to get those off. Until then, try to refrain from getting electrocuted.” He said, standing back up.

A small growl sounded out, and Omega looked at her stomach in embarrassment.

“Sorry. I haven’t eaten since…” She brought a hand to her chin. “Just over two days ago, I think? The last thing I ate was a ration bar on the ship before we got to Bracca.”

A memory flashes through his head. He’s young, still learning how to fight, and he and his brothers have failed a test. They end up not being given rations for the day. He remembered it being especially hard on Hunter and Wrecker, who even at that age, burned more calories that the rest of them. He remembered feeling sluggish and unusually weak, his stomach growling like a wild animal as it ate away at itself. They had all felt miserable, and it had served as a good motivator to not fail next time.

Crosshair growled, the sound reverberating in his chest. “These animals- I’ll be back in a moment. Remain here.” He spun around and stomped back out of the room.

“We don’t have a choice!” Cal called, huffing when the door simply slid shut. The freckled boy turned to look at Omega. “Do you really trust him?”

Omega nodded. “He’s not a bad person, he was just being made to do bad things.”

Cal sighed and gave her a slight smile. “Okay, if you say so.”

Crosshair returned about a half hour later, a bag slung over his shoulders. He pressed a few buttons on the control panel, locking the door before moving deeper into the room. Omega looked up from her place on the floor, gritting her teeth when as she sat forward. Cal was sat next to her, the two of them having moved over to where Pillow was. The pale creature was sleeping, forced to rest sitting up due to the chain on the wall being attached to his muzzle. Crosshair gave Omega sympathetic look, kneeling down again so that he was closer to being eye level with her and Cal.

“Okay adike, lets get some food in you so you don’t end up looking like me.” He joked, reaching forward and unlocking their cuffs.

He reached into the bag and produced two wrapped squares, passing a sandwich to both kids. Omega thanked him excitedly and quickly took the offered food. Cal hesitated, but in the end his hunger won out. He cautiously took the sandwich, softly uttering his thanks. Omega and Cal took a minute to rub their sore wrist while Crosshair carefully unclipped the band around Pillow’s muzzle.

Pillow’s eyes opened, eyeing Crosshair as he tossed the metal band aside.

“I’ll need to put that back on before I leave, but I’ll try to loosen it.” He said.

Violet orbs bore into him for a moment, flicking between him and the now ravenously eating children, before Pillow’s head swung towards him. Crosshair flinched a bit, but calmed when Pillow merely rubbed his head against Crosshair’s chest, a deep, rumbling purr sounding out. It seemed that his actions had earned him forgiveness. That would make things easier.

While Omega finished off her sandwich, he dug into the bag and retrieved a roll of gauze, a container of warm water, a clean cloth, and a container of bacta, setting them down on the floor. He retrieved two bottles of cool water and handed them over to Cal and Omega.

“Here, drink this. Omega, come here so that I can change your bandages.” He said, grabbing a numbing shot from the bag.

Omega gulped down her water, cringing when Crosshair stuck her with the needle. After the numbing liquid had set in, he went about unwrapping Omega’s bandages. He sighed in relief upon spotting no signs of infection. With a gentleness that he didn’t know he still possessed, he soaked the cloth in the warm water and cleaned her wound. The skin had already started to scar, and since most of the tissue had been too damaged to regrow, the scar would be rather large. As he gently dabbed the burns, he noticed something odd. Small, circular scars covered Omega’s back, some not even fully finished scarring. They were all the same size, and they were perfectly spaced. It looked as though someone had taken a small cookie cutter to her back.

Suddenly, he’s back in the medical ward on Kamino. A machine is whirring in his ears and the bright lights overhead are hurting his eyes. A sharp pain erupts from his left shoulder, and he turns to see a chunk of his flesh being sliced out of him. Later that night, he finds out that his vode all went through the same thing. Tech thinks that they want to find out if they’re as enhanced as they we’re designed to be. Apparently, they were, because they weren’t all euthanized within the next few days. Whatever they had been searching for, they’d only needed one sample to find it.

There had to be dozens on Omega’s back.

He suppressed a growing roar of rage that was bubbling up from his chest. He’d barely knew Omega, only having those brief moments with her before his chip had been intensified, yet he already knew that he’d kill for her. No child should ever have to endure something like that. He quickly applied the bacta, then re-wrapped Omega’s dressings. Once he was done, he fished another container out of the bag. Unscrewing the lid, he set it down in front of Pillow.

“It’s food. Eat it.” He commanded.

Pillow sniffed at the offered container, then started eating, chunks of meat being snapped up and gulped down. Omega laughed when Pillow pulled his face away and revealed that there was a piece of meat stuck on his nose. Cal reached over, plucked the chunk of meat off of the amphibian’s forehead, and tossed it up into the air. In a flash, Pillow snapped his jaws closed around it. He licked his teeth and flopped down next to Crosshair, staring up at him with his big, pleading eyes.

“No, that’s enough for you. It was hard enough sneaking that amount in here.” Crosshair scolded.

Pillow moved his head onto Crosshair’s knee, staring sadly at him as he sighed loudly. Crosshair sighed and reached back into the bag. He produced another sandwich and tossed it into Pillow’s open mouth. The white-scaled creature purred loudly and rubbed up against Crosshair, knocking him over onto the floor. He laid his head down on the man’s chest, ignoring Crosshair’s protests.

“Get off me, you obese salamander!” He yelled, shoving Pillow’s head. Pillow merely snuggled down, rubbing his cheek against Crosshair’s armor.

“Looks like he wants you to stay.” Cal piped up, taking a sip of his water.

“Well I can’t. I need to locate the key to those collars so that we can get out of this dump.” Crosshair hissed, finally managing to wiggle out from underneath Pillow.

“Aw, but you just got here!” Omega said. “Do you have to go right away?”

“Unfortunately yes. Those troopers out there aren’t the most observant, but even they will notice my absence if I am gone too long.” Crosshair sighed. “Which means I need to put your restraints back on.”

Cal and Omega groaned, but put their wrists together regardless. Crosshair snapped the cuffs back on, giving the duo an apologetic look.

“I promise that once we’re out of here, none of you will spend another minute in shackles.” He said, looking between Pillow, Omega, and Cal. “Now, I have to go. I need to do some stealth work and find out where the key card to your collars is.”

“Be careful Crosshair.” Omega said, her eyes full of worry.

He nodded and stood, grabbing the bag and heading out the door.

It took five days for Crosshair to locate the key card, and another whole day for him to manage to steal it. Throwing his bare essentials into a bag, he slung it over his shoulder and stalked out of the room. The outpost was dark, the electricity out due to a growing storm taking out their generator. He was a predator here, prowling through the shadows, using his superior sight to navigate through the black. He passed troopers as he moved through the outpost, none detecting him over the howling wind and the sound of their own chatter.

Just as he’s about to reach the outpost’s makeshift prison, he overhears a conversation between two troopers.

“Is it true? Did they really make a clone that can use the Force?” One asked, leaning in close to his companion.

“Yeah, but it’s a weird little runty one. Kaminoans must’ve kriffed up while they were making it, I guess.” The trooper sneered. “Little shit’s too cocky for its own good. Hope they put it down once they’re done experimenting on it or whatever.”

In an instant, a flash of burning hot rage enveloped Crosshair. His hand found a vibroknife that he had stashed away in a hidden pocket. He pounced, gripping the trooper’s head and pulling it back, exposing his neck. The knife’s blade easily sliced through the man’s neck. He made sure that it was deep enough to kill but shallow enough to make it a slower death. While that wretched creature choked on his own blood, Crosshair swung the knife and plunged it through the other trooper’s visor, the sharp point piercing the man’s skull. He jerked the vibroknife free, fresh blood dripping off the blade.

His anger cooled a bit, and he made his way to the cell door. The door was running on emergency power, and he had to sever that connection to get the doors to open. Inside, he could see the rapidly blinking lights of the two Force suppressant collars, the red glow highlighting the faces of Cal and Omega. Omega’s face was buried in Cal’s chest, the young clone quivering. A clap of thunder rang out, the sound louder than it would be on most planets. It made her squeak in fear, and she shuffled even closer.

It was so easy to see Hunter in Omega’s place. Back when they were still cadets, his vod had hated the storms on Kamino, his sensitive hearing being battered by the roaring thunder that made itself known every other week or so. So every time there was a storm and they were in their quarters, Crosshair and his vode would take all of their blankets and pillows and they’d create a little hiding spot for Hunter. Once he had curled up in the middle of the makeshift nest, they would cover him up until there was only a small hole left for air.

Omega had no such luxury. She had no batchmates, a fact that hurt Crosshair on a deeper level, and thus was left to exist in a state of fear. The medical centers were tucked into the middle of Kamino’s bases, so Omega had probably never heard thunder this loud before. He crossed the room quickly, dropping to his knees when he heard Omega’s quiet cries.

“Come on, adike. It’s time for us to go.” He said, just loud enough to be heard above the fading rumbles. Pausing only to remove their restraints, he slipped tiny the key card into the small slits, ginning when the collars became slack and slid onto the floor.

In an instant, the two kids were locked in a tight embrace. They were both quivering now, and judging by how their hands were twitching more than the rest of their bodies, he figured that they were both currently using the Force. While they comforted each other, he set about freeing Pillow from his bindings. The amphibian nuzzled him, before starting to nose at his bag.

“Cut that out. There’s no treats for you in there.” He grumbled, pushing Pillow’s muzzle away. Darting back over to Cal and Omega, he extended a hand.

“Neither of you will be able to see until we get to the ship, so we’ll need to hold hands. We’ll be moving fast, so try your best to keep up.” He said, grasping Omega’s hand once he saw her reach out to him. With Omega holding on to him, Cal holding on to her, and Pillow bringing up the rear, the group escaped the room, Crosshair leading them out a nearby door and into the raging storm.

Bitter, biting wind whipped all around them, freezing cold rain drenching their clothes and causing Omega and Cal to slip more than once as they ran across the shipyard. More than once, Pillow had to keep Omega and Cal from getting tossed around by the storm while Crosshair dealt with a trooper or three. Finally, after a good half hour of sneaking and stealth killing, they made it to the ship Crosshair had chosen to steal. He ushered the kids on, wanting them out of the harsh storm. They were soaked to the bone, shivering with chattering teeth as they strapped in. Once everyone was secure, Crosshair fired up the engine, gripping the controls. The storm was so intense that there was a chance that it would mask their take off, but at the same time the fierce lightning that was building within the mass off clouds could send them plummeting down.

Crosshair gripped the controls tighter.

He’d get them out of this.

Crosshair chewed on a toothpick, his eyelids drooping from exhaustion. He’d found them a good hiding place, a heavily forested planet not too many light years from Bracca. He needed to contact his squad, find a way to convince them that he could be trusted once again so that he could get this damnable chip removed. He needed to do a lot of things, but for now he was content to simply take a moment to breathe.

Omega and Cal were asleep, dressed in uniforms that were far too big but would ultimately keep them warm and dry. The two were sleeping on the floor, a soft cushioning of bunk mattresses and blankets providing a comfortable place to sleep. Omega was half draped over a sprawling Cal, the young clone snuggling up to her friend. She’d fallen asleep easily, and the boy simply hadn’t had the heart to move and risk waking her. So there he lay, snoozing away with Omega holding onto him like her life depended on it.

A regular person might have been confused by her clinginess, but he understood completely. When clones were very young, they slept in piles with their batchmates. It provided a sense of security, lowered their stress levels, and helped forge an important bond. If your very purpose was to fight in a war with a group of people, you’d better be someone they’d fight to keep alive.

The Kaminoans had, at one point, tried to see if this behaviour could be stopped. They had forced a batch of clones to sleep apart from their batchmates, only allowing them to train and eat together. By the time they had reached adulthood, they had become noticeably different. They were anti-social, only called each other by their numbers, were completely out of sync in combat training and often acted aggressively. They snapped at each other and at the other clones, distancing themselves from the rest of their vode.

They’d all died in their first battle. The Kaminoans never tried the experiment again.

Omega had no batchmates, no vode to form a pile with. He wondered if the Kaminoans had tried to make more and Omega had been the only survivor, or if they simply hadn’t cared because she was never meant to be in a group. It didn’t really matter, he supposed, it wouldn’t change the fact that Omega had been missing out on a crucial part of growing up as a clone. However, it seemed that Omega had found someone to pile with in Cal, even if neither of them really understood what she was doing. Hopefully, it wasn’t too little too late, and she would grow up to be a well adjusted young lady.

Omega yawned softly in her sleep, shifting as she tried to find a more comfortable position. She repositioned herself so that her head rested on Cal’s chest, throwing an arm over the boy’s torso. Cal mumbled something incomprehensible and turned onto his side, pulling Omega into a loose hug as his blanket fell onto her. Omega smiled, eagerly nestling into the new warmth.

For the first time in years, Crosshair found himself aching for that comfort. He and Hunter had always been at the bottom of the pile, the close presence of their vode always being the one thing that could ease them into a peaceful sleep. In the pile, there were no harsh lights that signified the early start of a new day, nor the echoing roar of Kamino’s storms. There was only them and their brothers, safe and together.

He remembered the day they’d first been made to sleep apart. The noises and smells and brightness had made sleep impossible. Their room door had a crack at the bottom that always let in a bit of light, and to his advanced eyes, that little stretch of light had seemed like a kriffing sun to him. Only the threat of being separated from his batchmates for the whole day had kept him in his bunk. Once the morning lights had come on, he’d launched himself at his closest vod, which on that morning had been Wrecker. His second-eldest brother had pulled him into a crushing hug, and he had felt the wetness of tears on his shoulder. Any other time, he would have teased the larger clone for crying, but on that morning, he’d have been a hypocrite.

Maybe it was their enhancements, or maybe it was the fact that the other clones didn’t like them very much, but for some reason it took far longer for them to become acclimated to sleeping alone. After their first mission, they’d all started towards their own bunks, as they had been for months, when Wrecker had paused and asked if they would still be separated if they pilled together on the ship. They had all looked at each other, before instinctively turning towards Tech.

“I’m sure it’s against the rules, but…” He’d given them a small smile, “I won’t say anything if you all won’t?”

So they had thrown their mattresses together and had arranged a set up that resembled their old shared bed. They had grown at that point, but hadn’t quite reached adulthood, so Hunter and Crosshair could still sleep comfortably at the bottom. They’d slept better that night then they had in months. As time passed and they reached their maximum sizes, they began to sleep apart more and more. Crosshair and Tech especially had taken a liking to having some extra wiggle room, Tech for his tinkering and Crosshair because he was simply becoming more used to being apart than together. He was often far away from his vode on missions, providing them cover from a distance.

Hunter and Wrecker seemed less excited about sleeping by themselves, and both had trouble with sleep. Wrecker filled the void with a stuffed toy, one that his batchmates had made for him out of supplies they picked up on one of their earlier missions. Hunter simply carved the walls of his bunk or cleaned his weapons, exhausting himself so that sleep would come and take him into its sweet embrace.

He wondered if they’d even let him pile with them now.

The thought of being rejected from such a simple yet important activity had him feeling nauseous, and he shook his head, clearing the thought from his mind. He didn’t deserve to share that closeness with them, not after all he’d done, but he couldn’t bring himself to think about it. Curling up in the pilot’s chair, he let his eyes close, now painfully aware of how exposed and cold he really felt.

#summerofwhump #summerofwhump[16]#summerofwhump[19]#omega bad batch #crosshair bad batch #crosshair whump #omega whump #cal ketsis #cal whump #clone bonding rituals #platonic cuddling #the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #jedi fallen order #whump prompt #tw scars #tw child harm #tw child abuse

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lvthiens · 3 years

Text

i have a long and messy dragon age au that i wanna write down because i think it’d be interesting but it’s basically “what if zatharian’s clan was clan sabrae”

okay so this sorta disregards the whole “dalish leave extra mage kids in the woods to die” because

clan lavellan apparently never did this so it stands to reason that changes per clan

mages are the ones who pull aravels which would be sorta difficult with just two or three mages. especially with large clans like zatharian’s.

mages are revered and coveted to the dalish and they don’t really fear them also they need to move around to avoid templars regardless of the amount of mages in a clan

i hate that shit and it collided with this au so ya

this would also disregard the option to help the werewolves kill off the clan unless a few survived including marethari and merrill and they went to kirkwall (that would ironically be a good explanation for what happened to the halla in da 2) but this was made in mind with my dalish warden where she saved both the elves and werewolves

zatharian has the same backstory and was the one who started the curse due to the death of his family but still has a child with mahariel’s mother but she’s the one who dies not soon after mahariel is born. mahariel’s father was already canonically the keeper and ashalle could still be a mother figure. their mother would still be from another clan but mahariel was maybe an accident and left to zatharian after she died. i don’t imagine the whole “romeo and juliet” thing we got but even prideful morally gray immortal bald elf mages gotta hit it every once and a while (zatharian wouldn’t be the only one).

he has three apprentices - marethari (who was made first when she was younger, but since zatharian is an “immortal” she aged), lanaya, and merrill. i know merrill was the equivalent of a dalish transfer student from clan alerion(?) in nevarra because marethari needed an apprentice but maybe that clan did the whole “let’s abandon mage babies” but zatharian stepped in and took her in.

mahariel’s backstory is the same but zatharian keeps them alive from the blight with blood magic (bc that’d be insane healing magic marethari was pulling out) since we know he’s a blood mage and this is where merrill finds out that blood magic isn’t a total evil and perhaps it could purify the blighted eluvian. marethari would only see how he had just used blood magic to make him immortal and curse the wolves so when she sees merrill starting to use it to she’s reminded of zatharian and doesn’t trust her. i think it’d be interesting and sad to add to merrill’s story to be betrayed and loose her keeper twice (ily merrill).

i pictured clan sabrae to be in the southern part of the brecilian forest during the origin considering your warden manages to not be half way to a ghoul by the time you get to ostagar so the clan would’ve still moved north.

when the clan splits lanaya is made keeper of the clan in the kocari wilds - also this clan is named clan mahariel because they’re the HoF and a descendant of the emerald knights and lanaya would still wanna honor zatharian since he was very good to lanaya (considering he saved her) and good to his clan despite his definite definite issues. if zatharian lives then he’s the keeper of this clan and still names it clan mahariel (idk why he’s not the one fulfilling the debt to flemeth maybe guilt or wanting to settle on their would-be land after everything). marethari takes merrill and clan sabrae to kirkwall for the amulet.

i think it’d be good for dalish wardens considering the rest of the wardens have more confrontation with their past. brosca and aeducan can go back to orzammar and deal with their families, mages go back to the circle and also deal with jowan, tabris can see their family and the aftermath of killing vaughn, and cousland can slaughter that bitch rendon god bless but the most we get for mahariel is we see tamlen a ghoul and seeing the eluvian in witch hunt but not their clan and it kinda blows. we could get to see merrill (who ideally would be like da 2 merrill) and be best friends with her and have a more emotional connection to the events and be lied to by their father. like i still get emotional bc of the dialogue you get from his clan if you’re dalish and god dude that’d just make it worse. i don’t think zatharian would’ve been a good father considering he’s warped by vengeance and would still be focused on his first family instead of mahariel who they might resent more since they cheated death multiple times. maybe you could meet tamlen’s family and they would blame you for his death and not finding him while you were cured. and the ending where you fight zatharian and he realizes he has to free the wolves so you basically lead your dad to his death. god it’d just be so angst ridden and sad and i’m a whore for that shit so i love this au

i’m not like a da lore aficionado so if i’m missing something else thats conflicting with this au either deal with it bc it’s my angst ridden dragon age daydream or i’m sorry. it depends on what i’m missing.

#im sure this fanfic au has been written a thousand times before if im quite honest #still i think it’s interesting #dragon age #da:o #merrill #mahariel #clan sabrae #tamlen #da 2 #dalish

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kob131 · 3 years

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Rewatching volume 8 I can safely say that they kinda ruined Ironwood's character. To me they made him a cartoony villain by shooting the counsel guy and teaming up with Watts at the start of the volume, as well as him willing to blow up mantle even though Salem was gone. I think they should have taken their time in the volume making Ironwood a villain, Judgemental critter explains how he could have been better in her review. Buuut that's just my opinion

Then I figure you don’t mind if I go into Judgmental Critter’s Ironwood part?

‘Ironwood is an interestingly complex character, both kind and understanding but also stern and harsh.’

... That’s...not unique. Like, at all. That’s like every Sink or Swim Mentor or Stern Father figure. Fuck, Hank Hill came to mind.

‘He was the one who broke the news to Yang, being earnest and disappointed that yang was disqualified. But also put his foot down so there’s no protest from the girls.’

... So? This isn’t the aspect of him that Volumes 7 and 8 are being focused on and this is BEFORE his paranoia and trust issues got validated so of course he’s in a naturally better state.

‘Here’s a man who convinced himself that he built an army that couldn’t be beat.’

Wait, did you just...skip the part where he relates to Yang and implies he has PTSD, indicating he’s not exactly mentally well? ... What the fuck?

And you’d better be considering this when you come to Volume 8, after his army has been beaten and just got stretched thin.

‘In Volume 4, he stands kindly by Weiss’ side, stands up for her against the Atlas elite and when the girls meet him again-’

... *graps Judgmental Critter by the collar as they pass by.* Don’t think I didn’t notice that.

Jacques: You've never trusted anyone other than yourself!

Ironwood: (shouting) And for good reason!

Weiss covers her mouth with her hand as she gasps at the sound of Ironwood slamming his fist onto the desk.

Ironwood: If Oz had just listened to me from the start...

Jacques: You need to get a grip.

Ironwood: That's exactly what I'm doing. Our people need protection. By this time next week, the Kingdom of Atlas will be officially closing its borders. No one in; no one out. Without the council's permission.

Jacques: You mean, without your permission?

Ironwood: And if that becomes the case, I would think you'd want to be on my good side.

Funny you don’t mention this in your summary of him, considering this is portrayed as a deeply personal reveal of the man.

I also remember that you ignored what he said in Volume 2.

Glynda: Trouble sleeping?

Ironwood: (Looking back, gripping his shoulder with the other hand.) Arm was acting up.

Glynda: Of course, so logically, you got out of bed, dressed yourself completely and decided to gaze menacingly out into the distance. (Approaches all the way to his side, then looks at him concerned.) What's wrong?

Ironwood: I've trusted him for years. We both have. I just... I can't help but feel like he's keeping us in the dark.

Glynda: Don't be ridiculous! You know very well that we are not the ones in the dark.

Ironwood: (Laughs humorously.) That makes it worse! I refuse to believe that a man that I've trusted for so long would act so... passively.

Glynda: (Puts a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder.) You're a good person, James. You've always done what you think is best for the people, even against strong protest. It's admirable. But it's high time you stopped talking about trust and started showing it. (Drops her hand as they stare into the distance together.) Ozpin has experience that the rest of us lack. And I think that's something worth remembering.

These things that connect Ironwood’s actions in the past and his actions in the future...

And you don’t mention them despite being big character moments for him? Maybe this is a coinc-

‘He knelt to spoke to Oscar, which showed his dad energy!’

... *steams starts to rise from my face*

Ironwood: Without him here to guide us, all I can do is use my best judgment.

Behind him, Oscar shifts uncomfortably. As if sensing something, Ironwood stops and looks back.

Ironwood: What is it?

Oscar: Actually, Oz isn't completely gone.

Qrow: Uh, Oscar here is… is the next Ozpin.

Ironwood: Oz?

Smiling, Ironwood quickly and eagerly approaches Oscar, who looks nervous.

Ironwood: I'm so glad you're here. I didn't think you--

Oscar puts his hands up and interrupts Ironwood, as the latter crouches to Oscar's level.

Oscar: Not quite. He's kind of, um, gone... at the moment.

Ironwood's smile fades, and he lowers his head.

That wasn’t him acting like a dad, that was Ironwood being desperate, given a fleeting glimpse of hope that the man he respected and looked to above all others is...there, standing in front of him, where he can finally have an equal again.

That was...so blatant and obvious I am finding it hard to believe you’re not doing this intentionally.

“He spoke to Oscar as if he was a trusted ally despite missing Ozpin’s words of guidance!”

Oscar. Has. Ozpin. In. Him.

Ozpin. The man that James, AGAIN, respects and follows.

No. Fucking. Shit.

“He gave Team RWBY the Huntsman title and upgrades!”

‘Huntsmen’ in Atlas meaning ‘soldiers’. And that is STILL not contradictory to what he does later.

‘He was well meaning and kind...until he found out they lied to him.”

Which was bad of them...but they were also in fault when they treated Ozpin harshly and James did WORSE so what does that tell you?

‘His PTSD comes flooding back!’

...

......

...........

You skipped how he refused to trust the council, his PEERS, with the info about Amity or even Robin, whose entire issues with him could have been solved if he TALKED to her, all because of his trust issues.

You have completely shoved his trust-related skeletons into the closest and play up his more pitiable PTSD issues. You’re fucking Mary Sueing him.

‘Was all of it Team RWBY’s fault? They didn’t give him the truth but neither did Ozpin-’

Was it Team RWBY’s fault that the Fall of Beacon or Atlas’ issues happened? No! In fact, James was more culpable in both scenarios (if he listen to Ozpin then the machines COULDN’T attack Vale citizens and if he told the truth and listened to Team RWBY before he had no choice then he could have stopped all that shit!) than them. And just as Ironwood’s issues don’t excuse Team RWBY’s fuck ups- Ozpin’s issues don’t excuse James’ fuck ups.

‘Who can he trust? How many levels of precautions does he need to take?’

You know, I’d buy this shit if not for how the depth of his trust issues isn’t actually shown, how his issues with trust went beyond this and came around to how he was isolating himself. This is still trying to play pity for the man instead of seeing him for who he is.

‘We left Ironwood last Volume as a complex man whose filled dwith grief, guilt and fear-’

And what have we seen as the end result of these emotions time and time again in RWBY?

They cause the person to devole.

Hazel is filled with grief and used that to help justify his shit actions.

Ozpin is filled with guilt and let it distance himself from others.

Yang was filled with fear and couldn’t move on.

And Salem...Salem is all fucking three and we KNOW how she turned out.

The way that ‘complex man’ is portrayed is the same way one says a character is complex as an excuse to ignore their darker issues. She goes onto portray Volume 8′s beginning with Ironwood as somehow not in line with his ‘complexness’ when this has been an issue with him since Volume 2.

And as a special fuck you to that:

Do you have any idea how tempting Ironwood’s position is? To be hurt again and again by others as you try to defer to them? To see yourself as right time and time again but still struggling to see other’s point of view as valid? To resist the temptation to discard what EVERYONE says, to not care about what others say and carve your own path regardless of what others think, feel or say?

I have. Countless times and it is SO HARD to not do what Ironwood did.

‘In his first scene, Ironwood crossed the line!’

Not really. From Ironwood’s point of view, Slate was standing in his way with Salem at his doorstep and in a worse shape than ever and he can’t afford to waste any time with him. Killing him is rather logical and why would Ironwood care? It’s right in his eyes and the morality of other people has only been chains to him.

‘This isn’t playing on his paranoia!’

Gee, what emotion is it that causes Paranoia again? ... Fear? And Ironwood did this out of what again? ... Fear of Salem?

How is it RWBY can bee so unsubtle to cause blunt force trauma on it’s audience and yet they STILL routinely fail to see it.

‘He’s just a shitty cartoon villain!’

Ah huh. Again, I heard the same about the P5 villains. And they all had real world counterpart (Madrame in particular can be compared to ROOSTER TEETH).

‘Cartoon villain’ is just a buzzword at this point.

‘His personality before was so much more intriguing!’

The personality where you chopped off the stuff that shows this coming?

Yeah headcanons tend to appear that way.

‘Everything he was just thrown away to give us a laughable shell of a character!’

AKA ‘Two Ironwoods’ right?

Newsflash- characters and people can change for the worst. People can reach this point and beyond for the same reasons as James did. Good people can devolve and change. And yet he still had his humanity. He still tried to hold back in some manner before he felt concerned even more. He never took joy in what he did. And he still cared for his people.

To call all that effort just a ‘shell’ because you BLATANTLY cannot accept this change in a character enrages me beyond what text can show!

‘He didn’t develop into a colder, heartless man-’

Yes. He. Did.

He ignored his people’s concerns and feelings just for a greater goal. He treated people as a whole instead of individuals. He kept secrets more and more. He constantly questioned if his compromises gave Salem the advantage.

He did devolve. You just blinded yourself.

‘I could see this happening!’

Right, if the show jumped through X+1 hoops right?

‘But instead-’

No fuck you, I’m done.

God what is with these twins and pissing me the fuck off?

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anotheronechicagobog · 4 years

Text

The Crackship Sails To Molly’s - Jay Halstead x Ethan Choi

written by @anotheronechicagobog

A/N: Homophobia, the Catholic church, Catholic guilt, mention of canon-compliant violence, mention of two men having sex, it’s all pretty mild but I wanted to make sure it was all in the warnings, also I don’t like Doris and it shows

A/N 2: What do you guys think their ship name would be? Choistead? Haloi?

A/N 3: If you have a problem with LGBTQ people please go fuck yourself

They ran into each other at the last place they thought they would. Since Jay and Ethan had both been in the military, though in different factions, they figured they might run into each other at military events, they already had. But literally bumping into each other at an LGBTQ+ military personnel picnic? That shocked both of them. Ethan took notice of Jay’s pansexual flag pin and Jay looked at Ethan’s bisexual one. After the initial shock wore off, Ethan smiled, he was happy to know that he wasn’t alone in his social circle. Sure, Leslie Shay was a loud and proud lesbian, but they didn’t have anything in common and just made sure to say ‘hi’ whenever they ran into each other and buy each other nachos whenever they ran into each other at pride events (don’t ask, it just became their thing). Ethan went to give him a ‘dude hug’, as Leslie had dubbed them, when he noticed the fear etched onto Jay’s face. “Halstead, are you okay?” Honestly, he looked like he was about to burst into tears. “Jus- uhh” Jay hiccuped and Ethan was now justifiably worried. “Don’t tell Will.” And then Jay ran away from Ethan and the gentle arm he’d had on his shoulder like a bat out of hell. Jay could still feel the warmth of Ethan’s hand on his right shoulder as he drove away.

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Ethan didn’t tell Will. He didn’t give any indication that he knew something Will didn’t. He understood how important it was for him to keep quiet, but at the same time, it was so hard. Ethan wanted nothing more than to march up to the redhead and beat some sense into him. Will had obviously made to Jay that he wouldn’t be accepted if he came out. And he didn’t care, quite frankly. He had absolutely no sympathy for homophobes, he was done giving kindness and sympathy to people who wished that others wouldn’t exist because it deviated out of what they considered ‘normal’. So he’d gone back to being impassive and straight-faced. He pushed all of his feelings down because if he allowed himself to feel anything it would be complete and utter rage.

The next time he saw Jay was when he’d come into the ED to interview an assault victim. Apparently, there was a group of men catfishing and then assaulting LGBTQ+ men. Ethan’s heart ached just thinking about the case, all of the injured, betrayed victims. And Jay. Ethan didn’t want to know what was going through his mind, he probably viewed this as another reason not to come out.

The eye contact between them was brief, but Jay showed him vulnerability, and then thanks when Ethan gave him a sympathetic smile. Just trying to untangibley reach out and connect with his aching soul. And then suddenly it was gone, the grace that had bound the two of them temporarily, and Ethan had to watch with a sinking heart as Jay emotionally shrunk in on himself. “How’s our victim doing, Choi?”

“Not great, I’m afraid. He’ll live, but there’s going to be long lasting health problems for him.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Yeah, it is.”

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Two days later, after the catfishing homophobes were caught, Ethan ran into Jay outside of Molly’s. His eyes were dark, broad shoulders were slumped, and he moved like his mind possessed all the strength his body just couldn’t muster. “Hey Choi- uh, Ethan?”

“Yeah?”

“Could we go somewhere to talk? Maybe get a drink?”

“Well, we are standing outside of a bar.”

“Somewhere that’s not packed to the seams with nosey people who know who I... Don’t want to hear what I want to talk... About. Y’know what? This was stupid-”

“How about Osso’s? Over on Folger street? It’s not a bar, but I’m starving and their booths have curtains.”

“Yeah, that sounds great, actually, thanks.”

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“I figured out that I was bi when I was fourteen. I was watching The Mummy for the first time and I couldn’t stop thinking about how hot Brendan Fraser was. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Rachel Weisz was hot too, but Brendan really got my attention. When the movie was over, uh, well let’s just say that my Catholic guilt took hold. My mom knew, I told her when I was seventeen, and she kept trying to set me up with her friends’ daughters. She didn’t care, just told me that she loved me and that there was nothing wrong with me, but that I shouldn’t tell my dad or Will. She didn’t sugarcoat anything, she took me to this secluded spot on the pier and told me about homophobia and how bad it was, not just morally, but that it ran rampant, and that my father and brother were two heavy believers in an institution who made it their mission to oppress as many people as possible. Looking back, I think my dad knew, don’t know how or if he actually does, it’s just more of a gut feeling. My brother is still incredibly Catholic, he’s become more accepting over time, but it’s clear that while he’s okay with strangers being LGBTQ+, he’s not okay with anyone he’s close to being anything other than straight. The, uh, my first time I was nineteen and it was during my rangers training, with one of my now best friends, who I dated during that time for a while. Everything kinda fell apart when we got discharged. Mouse or-”

“Greg Gerwitz. I remember him.”

“Yeah, we broke up after we were discharged. Well, he broke up with me. Neither of us were handling being back well but he was handling it worse. It hurt like he;;, I missed him so much. After I started in Intelligence I brought him in as a CI. I just wanted to know he was okay, be near him again. But he was not the same man I’d fallen in love with. He was an addict, had a record, a small one, but still. I broke my heart almost as much as our breakup did. A little later I got him a job as our tech guy. It was good having him around, especially cause he was coming back, y’know? He’d quit his habits, became a law-abiding citizen. It was great. Then, he asked me out, asked me to take him back, and I did. Without a second of hesitation. Being together again felt amazing, but then he got his record expunged, dumped me, again, and went back to the rangers. It completely tore me to pieces, I got time off and didn’t get out of bed for two weeks after he deployed. Uh, wow, sorry to unload all of that on you. And that was probably a lot of information you didn’t want to hear-”

“No, no, Jay. It’s actually nice to talk about this, even though I’m out and open, I don’t actually get the chance to talk about it all that much. I’d actually like to share if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, go ahead.”

“I was twenty-one when I figured it out. I was on brief leave in the navy, just a couple of days without duties while we were docked in Puerto Rico. I got pretty drunk, a guy I was dancing near was pretty drunk too, he kissed me, I kissed him back, and one thing lead to another. When I got back to port the next day, my friends all asked where I’d gone off to. I told them I got laid. It didn’t really hit me until the following night when I was in my bunk, lying awake because I couldn’t forget the feeling of his lips, or the callouses on his hands, or... Other quite honestly filthy details I probably shouldn’t share in a public place. I couldn’t sleep properly for two weeks, I come from a traditional Korean family. All I could think about was how they’d react. What would they do if they found out? I found out when I was twenty-nine. My sister, Emily, had somehow found out, and when she burst through the door, drunk off her ass, at the first Thanksgiving I’d been able to attend in five years, she announced it to everyone when I tried to calm her down and get her up to bed. The look, on my parents’ faces, I couldn’t even look at my grandparents. I just said sorry and ran out. I crashed at a fling’s place for a week. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone or to go see them. I felt like someone had put my chest through a trash compactor, I couldn’t stop crying. I had lost my entire family in less than ten seconds. You know that subtle, back of the mind dread you feel when you’re boarding a plane for your next deployment? Normally, you push it away, accept it’s a possibility but try not to think about it. I welcomed it. I hoped I’d get killed, that I wouldn’t make it home. But then... My grandparents were at my gate. Their faces just lit up and they welcomed me with open arms. They both hugged me and made me promise to come home, not to be a hero. They gave me hope. They loved and supported me, went toe-to-toe with the rest of my family for me. I’ll never be able to thank them enough.”

“They sound really great, I’m glad that you have them.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Suddenly the heavy curtain closing off their booth from the rest of the world was pushed to the side. “Gentlemen, your food is ready. Who ordered the grilled salmon?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ethan and Jay had grown much closer, having bi-weekly dinners. Sometimes at Osso’s, sometimes at Bartoli's, sometimes at their own apartments. They’d become close, close friends. But because drama followed them around like a moth to a flame because it felt like they lived in an overly dramatic tv show sometimes, it couldn’t stay that way.

Jay started to watch Ethan when he licked his lips after he took a sip of a drink, when the muscles in his arms lengthened themselves when he reached for something, that twinkle he got in his eyes whenever he got cocky. Jay knew what was happening from the first moment he found himself looking at Ethan’s lips for more than a millisecond. He was falling in love. And all that he could do was loathe himself for boarding a vessel with impending doom.

Reasons I Can’t Fall In Love With Ethan

Will doesn’t know I’m bi

Ethan works with Will

Ethan is in the reserves and Mouse left me to go back to a warzone, it would kill me if it happened a second time

His ex, April, is currently trying to get back together with him

April also works with Ethan and Will

Ethan doesn’t love me so I’d just be ruining our friendship

Jay looked down at his list and recited it in his head, over and over again. He needed to memorize it, live by it. If he didn’t his entire world, which he just finally found comfort in again, would crumble to the ground.

Jay didn’t distance himself from Ethan, his heart wouldn’t let him, but it got harder and harder to ignore his ever-growing feelings. But he couldn’t tell Ethan, he couldn’t be with Ethan, he knew that far too well. So the next time Ethan confided in Jay that April had made a move on him Jay did something incredibly, fabulously, thoroughly idiotic. “You should ask April out, man. I think that you guys would be great together.”

Yup.

He actually did that.

Sigh.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alright, who is she?”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on Jay, I’m your brother. I know you. The last time you looked like this and were drinking vodka, of all things, was when Erin left. You only drink vodka when you’re experiencing troubles of the heart.”

“I drank vodka when Mouse went back to the rangers.”

“After he’d broken up with you to go back to the same warzone he’d almost died in.”

Jay choked on his drink and felt his heart plummet out of his body and onto the floor. Burning tears blurred his vision and Jay felt more afraid than he’d ever felt in his life. He’d been shot at, blown up, shot at again, taken hostage, tortured, and he never felt this scared, this small. “Jay? Oh my god, Jay are you okay? Breathe, man.” But he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he breathe? Why was his chest so tight? Why couldn’t he move? Suddenly he was yanked off of his couch and onto the floor, his head shoved between his bent knees. “Deep breaths, Jay. Just take slow deep breaths, in and out, just like me... Okay... Good, name five things you can feel, four things you can see, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.”

“Uh... floor, couch leg, carpet, coffee table... you... Um, I, uh, I see...”

“Four things you can see.”

“Jeans, scrubs, crumbs, Kim’s wine stain... Hear, u-uh, Netflix, heating system, the Needlers arguing again...”

“Your neighbours sure do fight a lot, but you’re doing great. Keep going. Two things you can smell.”

“... Pizza and your terrible cologne...”

“Ignoring that, one thing you can taste.”

“Your terrible cologne. Seriously, Will, your supposed to spritz it, not douse yourself in it.”

“Well you’re feeling better, but you’re still shaking. You feel a bit cold, get back on the couch I’m gonna grab you a blanket.” Will was right, he was still shaking, and he felt cold to the bone. His heart was pounding so hard it was terrifying and his chest was still tight... But he was feeling better. Panic attack. He’d gotten them before, along with anxiety attacks, night terrors, and paranoia. All connected to his PTSD. He’d just never had a panic attack about his sexuality before, only about the action he’d gotten overseas and in Chicago. When Will returned with a thick fluffy blanket he’d gotten from Kim for secret Santa, the same night she’d made that wine stain on his carpet, Jay was on the couch and gripping his knees tightly, trying to get a grip on himself. Will had also brought Jay’s first aid kit and was checking him over, after he’d been wrapped up like a traumatized child, and Jay released a shaky breath, unable to look his brother in the eye before speaking at the same volume as a mouse. “How long have you known?”

Will stopped what he was doing and regarded his brother. Jay was older and had always been Will’s hero growing up but right now... He just looked like he needed a hug. “I’ve known since you were nineteen. You brought Mouse back to visit with you while you guys had leave and when mom and dad had work and I had school, you guys had the place to yourselves. I realized when I was a couple of minutes away from the house that I’d forgotten my lunch, so I went back to get it. When I walked in you guys were making out on the couch. You were really... into each other, you didn’t even notice me. I was gonna bolt to the kitchen and back... But then you took off each other’s shirts and started reaching for belts so I bolted. I love you, Jay, and I don’t care who you have sex with, but I never want to actually see it.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry we must have traumatized you.”

“No you didn’t, I would’ve reacted the same way if I saw you with a girl... Which we both know is true cause you and Erin had a very bad habit of not closing your bedroom door.”

“Sorry about that... If you’ve known all this time, why have you never said anything? I mean you used to make these weird comments about being related to gay people, but...”

“I thought that you needed to be the one to tell me. It was your closet to exit, I thought it would’ve been rude to force it. And about those comments, I don’t know, it’s just you never told me. More and more time passed, and from the letters you were sending mom I could tell you and Mouse were still together but you never said anything. I was trying to give you hints that I don’t care, your sexuality doesn’t matter to me. I love you no matter what. The only reason that I brought up any of this now, forced you out of the closet... I’ve never seen you like this. It rivals when you came back. You are hurting and I want to be there for you, but I can’t if you won’t talk to me, if you won’t let me in.”

“But I’m sinning. You’ve always been more devout than me.”

Will scoffed. “Have you been reading the news? The Catholic church really can’t decide what’s right and wrong considering all they’ve done and covered up. Plus, did you really think I was going to make all my life choices based on the teachings given to me by men who forced us to wear plaid suit jackets for elementary and high school? Really, I can’t wear plaid anymore, I don’t understand how you can tolerate it, I swear I’ve got plaid PTSD.”

“Well, maybe it’s cause I actually have PTSD and there are far worse things to go through than having to wear plaid to school every day.”

“That was a bad comment, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright... So you’re really okay that I’m bi?”

“As long as you're happy, I’m happy.”

“You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that and mean it.”

Jay was tearing up again, but this time they were happy tears. Will just wrapped his big brother in a hug and relished ina feeling of closeness that he hadn’t felt since they were kids.

“Okay, now seriously Jay, who’s giving your heart trouble?”

“I don’t know, Will...”

“As long as it’s not Connor Rhodes I don’t care.”

“Well...”

“Oh no-”

“Ha! Just kidding! Your face, seriously, what did that guy ever do to you?”

“We’re not talking about the man who thinks he’s smarter than me. C’mon, tell me who it is. Is it someone I work with?”

“It’s Ethan Choi...”

“You guys have been spending a lot of time together over the past year, so I can see that. And he’s pan, right? Yeah, I think that you guys would be cute together and I think he’s got a thing for you, honestly. Why don’t you ask him out?”

Jay fell back and groaned. “I told him to ask out April the next time she hits on him.”

Will just blinked and stared at his masochistic and self-sacrificing moron of an older brother. “Why would you say that?! You clearly like him! You idiot!”

“... I’m gonna need the vodka back if we’re gonna keep talking about this.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jay felt like the weight he’d had on his shoulders was traded for another. He wasn’t worried about Will despising his existence anymore, but now he had to watch Ethan date April. And on top of all that, Will was always on his case about his miserably non-existent love life. So yeah, he wasn’t really enjoying his life at the moment. He was currently sitting up at the bar at Molly’s, avoiding ‘chexton’. He could hear April’s giggles and Doris squawking “you’re so perfect for each other!”, “I’m so glad you got back together!”, and “I call maid of honour!” over and over and over again. He knocked back the last of his beer when his phone buzzed.

Mouse: Hey Jay, I’m back on leave for a couple of days, just got off the plane. Want to meet up?

Jay: Sure, you up for a beer at Molly’s? I’m here right now.

Mouse: Actually I was thinking of a different kind of meet up. Your place? Just the two of us?

Jay: Sounds like a plan.

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Jay and Mouse spent the two days he was home screwing each others’ brains out. That really was the best way to put it. Their time together was hot, heavy, and passionate. They wouldn’t get back together, no, but there was a bond there that would always remain. They’d both had tension that needed to be released and release it they did. Jay dropped Mouse off at O’Hare early on the third day. “Hey, thanks for this weekend. It was nice, it was good to see you again, Jay.”

“Yeah, you too. Stay safe Greg.”

“It’s Greg now?”

“You’ll always be important to me. You were the first man I loved, but you’ve left me twice. I need to move on.”

“It sounds like you already have. I’m happy for you, you deserve nothing but happiness, Jay. But, uh, should you have just spent an entire weekend naked with me if you’re with someone?”

“He doesn’t love me back.”

“Is he straight?”

“No, but he’s pan and got a girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry Jay. For your situation and everything else.”

“I know. Stay safe.”

“I will.”

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Jay turned on his phone for the first time since he told Mouse to come over. He was met with an abundance of texts and missed calls. The texts were mostly from his colleagues, asking if he was going to be at Molly’s. A couple were from Will, asking if he wanted to get together to watch a game. The person who’d sent him the most texts and had made most of the missed calls was Ethan. Jay didn’t bother going through them all, he just sent his brother and Hailey quick text messages letting them know he was alive and would be at work on time, he’d just spent the weekend with a friend. He called Ethan as he made his way through the city. “Jay? Are you okay? Where have you been? I’ve been so worried, I called your brother and Hailey and none of them could tell me anything.”

“I was okay, I was at home the whole time.”

“But I went by your place, I knocked on your door, no one answered.”

“Oh, that was you? I thought it was Karen from down the hall. I was a little... Busy.”

“All weekend? Alone in your apartment? With no assigned case or old case that’s been bothering you?”

“Well, I wasn’t alone, actually.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Mouse was on leave for the weekend so he came over.”

“... You were alone with your ex-boyfriend for an entire weekend... Doing what?”

“Each other.”

“Damnit, Jay.”

“Eth-” And then Ethan hung up. Jay was confused and distressed, but he’d arrived at the district so his relationship with Ethan would have to wait. Well, friendship, not relationship.

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When Voight needed someone to go collect a statement from an accomplice at MED Jay’s reaction rivalled that of Katniss Everdeen. He was given a couple of odd looks, but he and Hailey made their way to the hospital, Hailey side-eying him the whole way. “Do you need to talk to Ethan?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“He hounded me for two days because you weren’t texting him back. He was really worried, Jay. What’s going on with you two? I mean, he was acting like...”

“Like what?”

“Like a worried boyfriend.”

“We’re not dating Hailey. Why would you think that?”

“Because you two look at each other the way Trudy and Mouch look at each other. Like you’ve hung the moon and the stars for each other. I don’t judge, Jay... You’re always really happy around him. I think you’d be good together.”

“He’s dating April.”

Hailey scoffed and rolled her eyes so hard her head rolled with them. “No, they’re not dating. She was acting like it, and Doris was yapping away about it on Friday at Molly’s, but Ethan was just quietly sitting there the whole night, he looked really uncomfortable honestly. A couple hours after you left he asked April if they could speak in private. It didn’t stay that way for long. Ethan had tried to tell her that he didn’t want to get back together and didn’t love her anymore, and she was upset, obviously. But it seemed like she understood. She hugged him and went to sit back at the nurses, but I guess she told them and Doris blew up, screamed at him, made a huge scene. April had to actually take her home. Ethan immediately came up to me and asked where you were.”

“Oh.”

“So you volunteered us to talk to him?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

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“Hey Ethan.”

“Can we talk, Jay?”

“Yeah, I’d really like that.”

“The doctor’s lounge is free, we can talk in there.” They entered the darkened gray room together, both feeling the tension between them. It felt strange to just stand there, in the middle of the room, and Ethan wasn’t meeting his gaze. So Jay sat down, hoping that Ethan would follow his lead. He did. “I’m sorry that I worried you.”

“Don’t apologize, I should actually be apologizing to you. You didn’t owe me an explanation, we don’t have the kind of... Relationship that warrants you letting me know when you’re going to disappear for a weekend with your ex. We’re just- We’re just friends.” Jay was silent for several moments, trying to think of what to say. How to phrase what he was feeling. There didn’t seem to be an eloquent way to phrase it, so he decided to just jump in and hope he didn’t get hurt. “I don’t want to be friends with you Ethan. I want to be more than that, I love you. I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but- I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve been trying to distract myself, with Mouse most recently, but it didn’t work. It doesn’t change that I really want to kiss and date and be loved by you. Will you go out on a date with me?”

“Yes, there is quite literally nothing else I’d rather do. How about tonight, because I don’t think I can wait any longer. And I love you too.”

“I know that the wall behind us is basically just a window but I really want to kiss you-” Thankfully Ethan didn’t care about that, and gave Jay a kiss so incredible, he saw stars.

... And missed Hailey and Will high-fiving behind him.

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After informing the accomplice that he was being arrested for armed robbery, obstruction of justice, and public urination, Jay and his partner left MED. Jay was so happy he was practically vibrating as he skipped out of the hospital. His, highly amused, partner got into the passenger side of his truck and thumped his shoulder. “See? I told you that he likes you.”

“How did you figure out I’m not straight, anyway? I’ve... Played that pretty close to the vest. I only told Will a week ago.”

“You know Nico’s Diner over in Greektown?”

“Yeah.”

“My family owns it. I started working there when I was nine, I think? I worked there through high school and college. And I go there once a month to catch up with my brothers. You used to go there all the time with this guy and you’d hold hands and kiss him quite a bit, so I figured you were more than friends. I recognized you when I walked onto that robbery scene a couple years ago.”

“So you knew, this entire time, that I was bisexual and you didn’t say anything to anyone? Why not?”

“It wasn’t my place to tell Jay, besides, I didn’t know that you were bisexual, just that you liked men. I just spoke up now because you were really hurting Jay, it was so obvious, and it was obvious that Ethan was hurting too. I really hope that you guys are happy together.”

“Thanks, me too.”

“Soooo... Where are you gonna take Ethan on your big date?”

#One Chicago #chicago med #Chicago PD #ethan choi #jay halstead #ethan choi x jay halstead #jay halstead x ethan choi #will halstead #hailey upton #greg gerwitz #greg mouse gerwitz

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tsukihimeyfan · 4 years

Text

The Crossroads of Destiny Alt. Ending

I’ve been thinking about Zuko’s decision during The Crossroads of Destiny a lot and I had to write my thoughts down. Like many of you, I was heartbroken the first time I watched this episode and wished fervently that he’d made the opposite choice. In later years, I realized that it was absolutely necessary, from both a character and a narrative perspective, for Zuko to go back to the Fire Nation as it’s Prince in order for him to be able to realize how much he’d changed during his travels and how his father’s love and acceptance wasn’t something his current self needed.

I told myself that during his “metamorphosis” Zuko had only realized that capturing the Avatar, besides being dangerous and impractical, wasn’t going to earn him his father’s love, and so he should learn to be happy with what he already had (namely Uncle Iroh and a peaceful uncomplicated life).

I reckoned that Zuko hadn’t given up on his desire for his father’s regard, just on ever obtaining it, and so he had to make the wrong choice in order to be confronted with the truth: that he shouldn’t have had to try so hard to earn his father’s love, that having it wasn’t all that great in the first place, that what he thought would make him happy wasn’t necessarily what really would make him happy, that he wasn’t to blame for the Agni Kai incident, that he had a better father figure in Iroh, and that what the Fire Nation had been telling him all his life about the war was completely wrong.

Looking at it in that light, it made perfect sense for Zuko, who still wished for nothing more than to be accepted by his family, to decide to side with them against the Gaang.

However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that there’s something fundamentally wrong with Zuko’s choice even if you take all of the previous into account, coming down mainly to these 2 things:

1) Zuko shouldn’t have trusted Azula AT ALL, especially after what she did to him during The Avatar State. How did he ever trust that Azula would keep her word and not just dump him in a dungeon somewhere as soon as her objective was complete? She had literally given him no indication ever that she was trustworthy, and he trusted her anyway! C’mon Zuko you’re smarter than this! At least think about it for a moment!

2) It goes against everything we know about Zuko up until this point for him to betray Uncle Iroh. After realizing how lost he was without him during Zuko Alone (and confirming it to the audience during The Serpent’s Pass),

after nearly losing him to Azula’s attack during The Chase (just look at the poor boy’s face jesus),

after learning to chase his own happiness and cherish the bond he had with him during The Guru,

after all of that, you’re going to tell me that Zuko would leave Uncle behind?? And not even try to free him from the crystals?? I don’t buy it

So this is my proposal (it’s not perfect so be kind please I’m doing my best with what I’ve got because Zuko HAS to go back to the Fire Nation, AND it has to be as a Prince instead of a prisoner, AND he has to genuinely desire to go back so that we can watch his growth as a person, AND he has to not betray his Uncle). I think it should’ve gone something like this:

Let’s start by giving Zuko better motivation for his betrayal than just “I want dad to accept me”; Azula’s speech to lure Zuko to her side would stay much the same, except she’d place extra emphasis on how she knows he’d NEVER betray his father and his sister over the Avatar, their greatest enemy, and how she’s sure he’d never turn his back on their people, who are counting on them to end the war once and for all in order for their soldiers to return home.

After she leaves them alone, Uncle Iroh would still plead with Zuko but instead of just a shot of his back we’d see how Zuko, full of regret, tells him that he’s sorry but he just can’t. Iroh would beg him to reconsider, to think for a moment, to remember that Azula had promised him love and greatness before and they both knew how that had gone down. Zuko would say that he knows, but even so he can’t bring himself to betray both his nation and his family, and that if there’s even the slimmest chance that his father would take him back and come to love him he has to try.

Zuko would then free Iroh from the crystals and, almost in tears, beg him to run, to go back to Pao’s tea shop in the Lower Ring and lay low for a while. Azula would have to leave Ba Sing Se soon to deliver her prisoner to the Fire Lord after all, and once she’s gone it’s unlikely they’d ever find him so he should be safe to resume his peaceful life in the city, even with it under Fire Nation control. Zuko would then push Iroh towards the exit of the catacombs, yelling at him to leave, please. He needs him to be safe. Iroh would be disappointed and agree on the surface, but of course he’d only hide himself to find the opportune moment to aid the Avatar. Once he’s out of sight Zuko would take a deep breath and follow Azula.

In this way, the “I have changed” line during his fight with Katara would actually mean something, since he is not only doing this for himself, but also for the Fire Nation as a whole, despite not really wanting to hurt this girl he empathized with mere minutes ago or this literal child that happens to be the Avatar. He’d be very conflicted about it, but ultimately decide his people HAD to come first.

Of course, he’d be horrified when, instead of capturing the Avatar like he’d imagined they would, Azula strikes him down with lightning (and we’d actually get to SEE HIS FACE when it happens this time).

(maybe something like this; the only other time we see Zuko reacting to violence from the Fire Nation onto an innocent person, but more pronounced because he actually kinda knows this kid and his friends. Song was a stranger)

The rest would play out just like in canon, with Uncle coming in to save the Gaang and being captured, and Katara fleeing with Aang.

Azula’s later speech to “cheer up” Zuko would again stay quite similar, except maybe she’d add a few lines about how he’d brought glory to his nation, his people would be proud to call him their prince, etc. Against all odds Azula keeps her word, which would make Zuko a bit wary, but of course it’s only because just in case the Avatar survived she now has a scapegoat ready to take the blame.

Zuko would still feel like he betrayed Uncle since his choice got him captured and the Avatar “killed”, but still he would’ve understood that trying to free him would’ve only gotten them both caught and thrown in prison. He would’ve figured he could help him more from a position of power in the Fire Nation, but would’ve still felt guilty for not attempting it.

This Zuko would also lie to Azula about the Spirit Water unambiguously both because of his guilt over getting the kid hurt and his desire to keep his father’s regard. Unlike canon Zuko, whom some argue did it only for the latter reason.

Once in the Fire Nation, we’d see the same journey of Zuko realizing that even if they win the war it’s doing nothing but twist his people by telling them lies, taking their resources and their family members, and feeding their hatred instead of their passions. I also feel like this would be more in tune with everything we saw of Zuko’s character during Book 2, with more taciturn reflection and regret and less yelling at Uncle for no reason other than take his frustrations out on him. Maybe he’d yell a bit about how he’d told Uncle to leave, why didn’t he?? Also maybe he’d try more seriously to convince Uncle (and himself) that he’d done what was best for their nation, and that Iroh should beg for forgiveness so that maybe they’ll let him out of prison, he’d talk to his father for him, he’d back him up, come on, “why aren’t you saying anything?? Uncle please talk to me!!!”.

For extra angst Uncle would stay the same as in canon, not talking to Zuko in hopes that he’d realize he’d lost his way on his own.

#atla #the crossroads of destiny #Avatar The Last Airbender #meta #thyf rambles #Zuko #uncle iroh #Azula #katara #aang #zuko is the best boi #my drabbles #kinda #atla meta

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samwinchestershotgod · 4 years

Text

only twenty minutes to sleep (but you dream of some epiphany)

(read on ao3?)

i need to stop writing samjess angst. but not today.

It’s been 8 hours and 48 minutes since Jessica Moore died. Dean knows because he’s been counting. Sam knows because he just does.

The police think Sam did it, he guesses. Honestly, they’re right. Kinda. They’re at least right to give him skeptical looks when they ask Was there anything strange or out of place? Was your relationship going well? Was there any trouble in paradise? and Sam’s answer is always short and simple, not because he’s guilty but because he knows what really killed her and they don’t. They’ll take care of informing the family, they said. Unless you feel like you should, they said.

Eventually Dean intervenes and “politely” tells the cops to back off, that Sam isn’t doing well, that his girl just died and can’t you tell he’s not doing alright? Lay off, Officer. Sam doesn’t have it in him to apologize on Dean’s behalf, mostly because he doesn’t feel like talking. Honestly, he just wants to sleep.

The shitty motel Dean picks out is fine. It’s about a mile or two from the Stanford campus, with pale, puke green walls and sheets. Dean doesn’t look him in the eye once as Sam throws his bag of whatever didn’t burn to ash onto the bed. He’s got a few disposable cameras, from parties and such, the stupid purple dog shirt Jess bought him as a joke (that was saved from the fire from being thrown under the bed), and he’s got a few other useless odds and ends. None of them matter to him right now. Dean doesn’t look him in the eye when Sam sits on the edge of the bed in silence, looking straight at nothing. He wishes it was his bed, his and Jess’, the uncomfortable full size bed that creaked and made his back hurt every morning.

“Sam,” Dean calls quietly. “Sammy.”

“Yeah?” he says, feeling quite small.

“We can figure this out, you know,” Dean tries, because Dean always tries. “You know we will.”

He doesn’t. He can’t think of any way to fix this. The only thing on his mind is her face, and she really was so pretty, but she burned and it’s Sam’s fault. He ran to California to get away from the monsters and somehow they followed him. He should have known, with the nightmares and the shadows in the corner of his eyes, he should have just known.

“--and we’ll find Dad, and the bitch who killed our mom and your girlfriend, and we’ll be okay, okay?” It occurs to him that Dean’s been talking to him for the last couple minutes, but he was too busy swimming in his guilt to notice. “What do you need? I can grab us some grub, if you want.”

Sam’s stomach lurched. “No thanks. I think...I just wanna sleep.”

“Alright,” his brother says softly, his eyes watering just a bit. It’s not until later that Sam realizes Dean was crying for him and not for Jessica.

Sam doesn’t bother to get under the stained comforter. His body is running too hot. Instead, he curls up in the corner and puts his chin to his chest. His head swims with exhaustion, adrenaline, and grief, and before he knows it he drifts off into dreams and nightmares.

He’s always had nightmares, especially after hunts that left too many bruises, or when he was real young and Dean and Dad would come back a lot later than they said they would. He had them as a teenger, in class when he’d accidentally fall asleep and his AP English teacher would send him to the nurse to calm down. And he had them all the way at Stanford, too, even if they didn’t happen very often.

He remembers his nightmare from two days ago, an exact play by play of what had happened, and his stomach flips again. He swallows down tears and bile.

He forces himself to wake up before he falls into a dream. He doesn’t want to think about her right now, not if he doesn’t have to. He does this the whole night, or what must be night. He notes that Dean turns the TV on and off periodically. He probably is doing rounds watching Sam sleep. He doesn’t really mind. If he’s being honest, he was terrified. Winchester’s were supposed to greet death with a smile and a shotgun, but for the last two years, Sam wasn’t really a Winchester. He was just Sam. Now, he knows he’s going to be Sam Winchester again, and he’s terrified. So he really doesn’t mind his big brother watching over him for a night.

When he wakes up, or, rather, opens his eyes for the first time, he’s freezing. His eyes find the little alarm clock that reads 4:32am. Dean’s (Dad’s) leather jacket is thrown over him haphazardly, but he still can’t shake the cold as he lazily sits up. His eyes feel swollen, and he can only guess he’s been crying throughout the night. Sam cries a lot more than he would care to admit. When you’ve repressed any mildly unmasculine feeling since you were two, those feelings tend to build up, and now it felt as if they were all spilling out from his eyes and nose. Feelings about his negligent father, a man only Dean could really read. John could blame it on protecting Sam all he wants, but it doesn’t make him feel any better. Or feelings about his heavenly mother, only a picture and a memory that he doesn’t even have. That isolating feeling that came with being the only one in his family who didn’t know her. And now he’s got all these feelings about his dead girlfriend (fiance, would have been fiance, he was about to buy the ring next week, he would have proposed on Christmas), and he wishes he could shut him heart right up and sink into the ground.

He does to some sort of sinking, because when he walks into the bathroom, his legs give out and suddenly he’s leaning against the cold tile wall, staring blankly at its purtrid green color. He doesn’t know how long he stays there, but eventually his body gets used to the cold tile, and he refuses to get up. He doesn’t cry. Not that he doesn’t want to, infact, he wishes he would, just to get it over with. But he can’t. He can’t.

“Sam?” Dean returns from wherever he was. Sam can hear his boots against the floor, but he still doesn’t move. “Sammy?” When he doesn’t respond, the boots quicken and he can hear Dean breathing sharply.

Dean opens the bathroom door quite violently, and Sam knows he probably scared him. Dean takes a long breath of relief when he sees his little brother curled into the corner of the bathroom.

Sam takes a minute, but when he finally looks up at Dean, Dean’s staring at him with his sad green eyes, mom’s eyes, and Sam can feel himself start to crumble.

“I don’t know what to do, Dean,” he whispers, his voice scratchy. He feels very small.

Dean slides down the wall next to him silently. They sit there for a moment, but the silence is overwhelming, and Sam can feel those feelings clime up into his throat. He takes once breath in, and when he lets go, so does everything else.

Dean holds him against the wall. He places sam's head on his shoulder and holds him in his arms, and they will never talk about this again. In an hour, they'll pretend this didn't happen.

But for now, Dean holds Sam, like he did when they were five and nine, like he did when they were ten and fourteen, like he did when Dad was too drunk or when the monster were too terrifying. Sam lets himself be held by his big brother as he finally, truly, cries for his lost love.

And for his lost childhood.

#THEY LIVE...RENT FREE.#sam winchester #dean winchester #jessica moore #supernatural #spn #spn pilot #coda #spn fanfiction

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tnystrk-exe · 4 years

Text

we both know how this song ends 4

Jack Daniels x Reader

Masterpost

Warnings: Suicide and talks of miscarriage

Chapter Four

Being in the house was a struggle. Neither of you ever said anything about that night. You weren’t sure your mother would have believed what had happened. So confronting her wouldn’t be an option. Steve seemed to not remember just how he got the bruise across his face. You attempted to figure out if it was an act or he really was just a gap in his memory. He had gone quiet though, which made you doubt he had forgotten. None of Steve’s unnerving lines were yelled at you in the mornings anymore. A hate filled glance, then he’d leave to do whatever he did for the day.

“Give me your necklace,” your mom demanded, her hand already opened to take it.

“What?” You choked on the piece of toast you had been eating.

“You fucking heard me. Stop acting like you’re a stupid bitch and do what I say.”

You didn’t make a move to take off the locket. It had been yours since the day you were born. Your father had passed it onto you the second he had held you in his arms. A tradition that started with your grandpa. “Why?”

“You’re nothing but a freeloader. I’m going to pawn it to get some extra cash. Hand it over already.”

“No,” you scoffed at the idea of it, “It’s all I have, from dad now. You already took my bracelet.”

She motioned around the apartment. “You have a roof. A room. Clothes. Stop being an entitled brat and give me the chain.” This time she didn’t wait. Instead opting to reach and pull at it instead.

You pushed her hand off. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? I’m not going to let you take it. You’re just to shoot up and drink with that piece of shit you keep around.” Her hand reared back and you managed to catch her wrist before it could land. “I used to think the world of you, you know? I understand you lost someone you loved, but I loved him too.”

She pulled away her hand roughly. “He killed himself because of you.”

“Get a new line,” you sighed, “I’m tired of hearing it already. You sound like a broken record.”

“You’re not his. He found out you weren’t. Then he killed himself. You’re the reason.”

“You’re lying,” you shook your head, laughing. “Nice one.”

She caught you in a stare, the one you knew meant no games were being played, “Didn’t you ever wonder why you’d always have play dates with Cindy? Why do you two kinda look alike? Or how come her dad was wrapped around your finger and got you anything and everything you wanted even when we said no?”

You swallowed thickly, the events not so innocent to you anymore. Sean’s usually cheerful exclaim of not having one but two daughters rang out loudly in your head. The memory of it being a sweet gesture tinted now. The resemblance with your once best friend was no longer able to be shrugged off by coincidence. “It’s not true.”

“It is. If you want to admit it to yourself or not. You’re Sean’s kid. But hey,” she clapped her hands, “It’s better than having a dead dad. Isn’t it?”

“It’s not true,” you held back your tears, not wanting to give your mother the satisfaction, “I know who my dad is and as much as I hate it, he’s gone. You can say Sean is my biological father all you want but he isn’t my dad.”

She rolled her eyes, “Isn't that sweet. Guess you’ll always take his side, Killer.”

“I didn’t kill him! That’s on your hands! Did I ask to be born? Did I tell you to jump in bed with Sean when you had someone that loved you more than anyone in the world at home? I’m not going to take the blame for your guilt.”

“Get out of my house and get me some money. I don’t care what you do to get it, sell yourself for all I care.”

You shook your head, disgusted but not surprised anymore. Wordlessly, you just left. All you needed was to be alone. Some time to process this new information. Grabbing your bike, you got on and started pedaling.

“Dad!” You yelled, “I’m home.”

“Kitchen!” He responded, “Just had to pick up real quick. Ready for your driving lesson?”

You grabbed an apple from the bowl, taking a seat on the counter as you watched him clean. “Ugh, you don’t believe how ready I am. I’m so tired of that bike.”

“Hey, that old thing has served you well. Don’t bash it. How was school?”

“Same old. Cindy has been pissed with me lately, no clue why. I think it’s because I talked to a guy she liked, but I swear it was just a couple of jokes.”

“That age is rough, Squirt. People get set off over the smallest things,” he shrugged it off, “Give her a couple of days, she’ll come back around.”

“I hope so, this whole thing is getting annoying,” you complained, “He isn’t even my type.”

“And who have you been seeing to make you know you have a type?” He asked, raising a brow.

You laughed around a bite of apple, “I’m just saying! I mean, how did you know mom was your type? You just knew right? It’s supposed to just click into place right?”

He rolled his eyes, “Nice diversion. It’s not that easy. Your mom seemed pretty ready for a relationship, but I had come out a really rough one when I met her. Things don’t just click, you know, things take time and you nurture it. You work with someone and you hope it’s all worth it in the end.”

“What happened in your last relationship?”

“A lot of lying and running around,” he admitted, “I didn’t want to see it, but it was clear.”

“Oh… I’m sorry dad, that sounds…”

“Don’t sweat it,” he patted your shoulder, “If it hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t have you around Squirt. A little struggle was worth it.”

You grinned, he had to work away from home often, but you always loved these little moments with him. Learning things about his past was always nice. “Come on you old sap, teach me how to drive so I can stop bugging you for rides.”

“Grab the keys. I can’t wait for you to sneak out in the middle of the night and steal my car.”

“It’s not teenage rebellion if you encourage me,” you complained, tossing the apple in the trash.

“I’m sorry, your highness. I’ll ground you for the rest of your life. You won’t even know what a car looks like.”

“Thank you. That’s much better.”

Making your way to the front yard. Sean flagged your dad down, trying to grab his attention. “What do you need Sean?”

“I need to talk to you,” he looked at you, “Privately. It’s, um, a family matter and I need some advice.”

“Can it wait? I promised the kid I’d teach her how to drive. We’ll take an hour at most.”

“Okay, fine, but see me first thing.” Sean walked away, your dad waited until he was out of earshot. “See? Her problem probably isn’t even with you. Sean and Cassandra are probably fighting.”

“Huh? You think? I hope it settles down soon then,” you trusted his view on the situation. “You ready?” You jingled the keys at him.

“Give me a second,” he crossed himself jokingly, “Now I am.”

“Please!” You laughed, “I can’t be that bad!”

“We can only hope.”

It was a nice time. The open windows let the air flow through, music playing loudly as you concentrated on your first drive. Despite his underlying panic, your dad managed to instruct you calmly. He wouldn’t say you were a natural, but a bit more practice and he’d be ready to lie through his teeth for you. “I’m not ready for the freeway,” he shook his head, “We're sticking to neighborhood streets for a while.”

“Aw! Dad! I got it!”

“Give me two more practice runs. Then I’ll let you try it.”

“Fine,” you parked the car in the driveway, “Two more only. I gotta learn sometime you know.”

“Yeah, kid, I know,” he looked across the street, at Sean who was waiting on his porch, “Can you make some spaghetti for dinner? Your mom should be coming home soon and I’m not sure if Sean will be done by then.”

You nodded, “I got it, dad. Any special request?”

“We do have a box of brownies…” he shrugged, “If you wouldn’t mind?”

“Okay. I’ll see you in a minute, old man.”

You hung up the keys and got to your task in the kitchen. It wasn’t long until your mom came home. The smell of brownies and the radio playing greeted her. “How was the drive around town?”

You grabbed a stack of plates and started serving. “I think I did well. Though I think dad would beg to differ.”

“What do you mean?”

“No freeways until I get some more time in,” you blew out some air, “I can handle it.”

“Sometimes you just gotta test the waters before you jump in,” she patted your shoulders, “There wouldn’t be any harm in you learning a little more.”

“If it was up to you, I’d never get to drive,” you said, sticking your tongue out at her, “Too afraid something is gonna happen to me.”

“Well, you’re my only baby. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to you.”

“Nothings going to happen to me. I’m invincible,” you grabbed the plates to take them to the table, “Mind getting drinks?”

She grabbed three cans of Coke, “You’re not invincible. You’re just young.”

“Mom, I can promise you, nothing’s happening to me anytime soon.”

“Where’s your father? In the garage?”

“Nope! Sean needed his advice with some family stuff,” you shrugged, “Didn’t want to talk about it in front of me.”

“...Oh.”

The front door slammed breaking your thoughts away from your mom’s strange tone. “You good dad?”

“Y-“ he coughed, “Yeah. Just… give me a second to freshen up a bit. I’ll be right there.”

“He sounds weird.” You moved to go check on him, your mother blocking you from doing so.

“I’ll check on him.”

You watched her walk down the hall. A bit worried, but you supposed she’d be able to handle the situation. She knew your dad better than anyone. Besides, you doubted he’d actually talk to you about what had gotten him emotional. Though you weren’t a child anymore they seemed to refuse the thought.

It took about fifteen minutes for them to come to the dining room. Your father looked distraught, but you weren’t sure if you were willing to push him to ask. Whatever was happening in Cindy’s home must have been major. The quiet while you all ate was deafening. Forks scraping against plates was all that could be heard.

Finally, it started to feel too strange for you to handle. “I think I’m going to go finish up my essay. It’s due tomorrow and I haven’t really been on top of it,” you excused yourself from the table. Quickly you dropped off your dish in the sink and left to your room. Some thirty minutes later, your dad walked into the room. You looked up at him expectantly, setting your notebook to the side. “‘Sup dad?”

He sat down beside you, handing you a bowl. A slice of brownie and a scoop of vanilla ice cream in it. “You thought I’d let you miss out on dessert?”

You smiled at him, “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, kiddo.” He pressed a kiss to the side of your head. He grabbed your notebook reading through your essay as you ate. “You’re getting pretty good at this. Coulda sworn some big wig wrote this.”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “I can do better. I’m just being lazy.”

“Lazy or not. It’s good. Keep it up.”

“Are you okay, dad? You seemed a bit off during dinner.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he tugged on your necklace gently, “You know how I can get around this time of the year. I just wish you could have met him.”

“Oh… It is around that time. Sorry about grandpa, dad, but from what you tell me he was great.”

“He was pretty alright.”

“Well, I think you’re pretty great. I can’t wait to pass it on. Imagine seeing you as a grandpa. You’re already a pushover now.”

“No. You can stand to wait. Give that thing at least until you graduate college. We don’t need any ankle biters around anytime soon.” He moved a lock of your hair behind your ear, “You know I love you more than anything in this world, right?”

“‘Course I do. I love you too, old man.”

“I should get to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“‘Night, dad.”

It was a simple rinse and repeat kinda day. Nothing spectacular happened. School was school. Cindy was still pissed. You stayed for a couple clubs and rode your bike home business as usual.

“Dad!” You called out, “I’m home!” Hearing the car droning in the garage. Setting your bag on the floor you went to check on what he was working on.

Opening the door to the garage, you saw him just sitting in the car. “Dad?” You walked to the driver’s side. Everything clicked in that moment. A picture of you was held limply in his hand. A stray bottle of sleeping pills on the passenger seat. You tried to open the car door, but he had locked them. “Dad!” You knocked desperately on the glass, “Dad!”

You didn’t know what else to do. You ran out of the house as fast as you could, straight on to Cindy’s porch. “Sean! Sean! I need your help!”

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked quickly, seeing the panic written all over your face.

“M-my dad. I think… he’s in the garage. The car was on and I think he took some sleeping pills and I can’t get him out because the doors are locked,” you word vomited, still trying to process it all. “You need to help him!”

“Rachel, call the cops! You stay here kid, okay? I’ll go check it out.”

Your head kept on replaying those couple of hours again and again. Seeing your dad being rolled away had been imprinted on your memory. You let your bike fall onto the sidewalk and took a seat on the bench. Covering your face, you let out a groan into your hands.

“It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t,” you said quietly, trying to convince yourself.

It wasn’t, you knew that, but the guilt was there. Your father had made an irreversible choice and you had to figure out how to live past it. Still, maybe there was something you could have done. Pushed to make him talk. Missed class that day with a lame excuse. Gotten home early instead of going to a club you hadn’t even enjoyed. Anything could have saved him. You could have convinced him to stay.

A hand on your shoulder made you jump. “Bug?”

You relaxed slightly, wiping the tears from your eyes, hoping they weren’t too red. “Hey, Mr. Daniels,” you greeted, giving him a small smile.

He was dressed in work clothes. The outfit stained with oil that would never wash out. “Are you okay? It wasn’t my boy was it?”

“No, we haven’t seen each other all day,” you sniffed, “I’ve been home all day… Jack’s been really great. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Mr. Daniels nodded, taking a seat beside you. “You should know I’m not amazing at this, it’s more Mare’s kinda thing, but I can lend you an ear. What’s wrong, Bug?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself protectively. “I dunno,” you shrugged, “Got to thinking about my dad. I guess it overwhelmed me some. Mom said something today and it just tipped all that over.”

“It hasn’t been long, right?” He sucked his teeth, “I can tell you, it’s hardest the first year, but it gets easier.”

“I can’t help but think I should have done more…”

“If you don’t mind… how did your dad pass?”

“Monoxide poisoning. He, um, took a bunch of sleeping pills and locked himself up in the car,” you stated, deciding to opt out of the newly learned information. “I just wish I had gone straight home. I could have… don’t know.”

“Oh Bug, I’m sorry. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I don’t. I just wish I could have done more.”

He frowned, “That’s too much to put on your shoulders, kid. Thinking about things like that is bad for you. Don’t put yourself through the wringer with a bunch of different scenarios. It makes the hurt worse.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“What you can do now is live a good long life. I know having a kid like you, he’d want nothing more than for you to be happy. Maybe you could talk to your mom about this?”

You shook your head. “We haven’t been good since the day it happened. I think she’s counting the days until I leave now,” you said, admitting more than you wanted to.

“Why would you think that?” He looked at you, brows furrowed.

“I guess, I’m just a reminder of the past,” a guilty conscious more like it, “Maybe it’s just better off if I find myself a job and leave after graduating.”

Mr. Daniels perked up at that. “You’re still looking for a job? I could help you out there at the very least,” he offered.

“Are you sure I’m qualified?”

“We just need a secretary. The shop is in shambles when it comes to organization. You’d expect us to run it better, but honestly most of the time our wives need to step in and help out. Maybe you can help us start a call ahead program, keep track of things, and go on quick runs for us.”

“I could help out,” you nodded, “When do you need me around?”

He stood gesturing for you to follow him, grabbing his bag. “You seem to have some time now. I can show you around the shop today and the things we’d need you to do. Throw your bike in the back.”

You did as he said before getting in the truck. “Thanks for the job, Mr. Daniels.”

“Don’t sweat it, Bug. In all honesty, you’d be helping us more than we’re helping you.” He started up the truck. “I’m thinking three hours after school and a hundred a week. Does that sound okay with you?”

“That sounds great.”

“You can have this Friday off, of course. Jack’s gnawing my ear off talking about his nerves over that dance. I’m sorry, by the way, that kid can’t dance to save his life but I’m pretty sure I caught him practicing.”

You laughed at the idea. Jack was absolutely too sweet for you. “I guess we’ll have to make do. I’m not sure I can do any better.”

“Trust me, you can. Oh and none of this Mr. Daniels stuff. Hanging out with you is gonna make me feel old enough we don’t need that to pile on too.”

“Whatever you say, Boss Man,” he made a face at that, “Fine, a work in progress Picky.”

The shop wasn’t too far from where you had been. Mr. Daniels said he needed some part they didn’t have in stock so he went to the store. Lucky for you. He was keeping your mind busy from the horrible morning as he showed you around the shop. His desk could be yours while you were there after school and you were welcome to do whatever made you comfortable.”

“Derek isn’t here today, but he’s the other owner. Those three are Larry, Moe, and Curly,” he pointed at the men working on cars. “They’re basically my other boys.”

The three were a bit older than you and Jack but far younger than Mr. Daniels. “Pops!” One of them called out, “This one’s ready for a test drive.”

“Okay, Slugger. Go take your break. You’re up to bat, Bug. Get the keys in our office and take that car out on a test drive,” he instructed.

“Ah, Buddy Pal, I’m afraid I’m already gotta disappoint you. Don’t know how to drive.”

“That’s not gonna work,” he shook his head, “Hey, Scout, toss me the keys. Bug get in the driver’s side.”

Slugger looked at you curiously, “What brings you around here, angel?”

“Needed some work.”

He nodded, “That’s good. That’s good. Got any plans this weekend?”

“Yeah. I do actually.”

“Shame,” he gave you a smile that probably would have flustered you before, but now you knew sweeter, “Anyone special?”

“I’d say he’s special.”

“C’mon sweetheart, ditch the kid. Come out with me. What do they know?”

You laughed, “I don’t know, Jack and I are pretty set on this date.”

“Jack?” He asked his eyes wide, “Our Jackie Boy? What game does he have? ...Hey, um, can we forget about that? Didn’t mean any disrespect.”

“Water under the bridge,” you let it go, “Nice to meet you, but I should probably…”

“Yeah, sorry again.” He started walking away, “Can’t believe I hit on Jack’s girl,” you heard him mumble to himself ashamed.

Mr. Daniels thwacked him on the back of the head as they passed. “That’s for not stopping at giving her the keys, dummy.”

“Yeah, Pops, I know.”

“Get in, Bug.” Mr. Daniels got in the car. “Okay, so what do you know?”

“A decent amount. I’ve only gone on one drive with my dad. I scared him a fair bit honestly.”

“Don’t worry about that, Bug. After Jack I have nerves of steel. He drove us into a ditch his first time. Just take it easy. We’ll help you out and when you get decent we’ll take you to get your driver’s license. Already making yourself more useful as you go.”

Mr. Daniels didn’t instruct you much. He let you go at your own pace to get used to it. However, he was telling you things to pay attention for to correctly test out the car. It was the little things that you had to pay attention to the most.

“Okay, so the car is perfect,” he informed you, “The brakes could be better if anything else, but they could probably get away using them a while longer if they don’t want to change them now. Take us back to the garage. Next time we get a bad one, I’ll let you drive it. The only way you’ll know what to look for.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded, already making a U turn to retrace your steps. “Thanks for this by the way, I wasn't sure I’d get to learn anytime soon.”

“Well, Bug, I’m here for you anything you need, but… y’know, if you wanna say thanks sometime, I still haven’t gotten that berry cobbler.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Got it, dad.” It took you a second to realize what you had said. “Oh, sorry.”

He put a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Don’t worry kid, I don’t mind it. Got used to pops and dad a while ago between the Stooges and Jack. Besides, I understand you’ve been thinking about your dad. It’s okay.”

“How come the Stooges call you pops?” You asked, deciding to sidestep the awkward conversation.

“It took a long time for Mare and I to have Jack. We had been trying since we had gotten married. I was 25 and she was 21. She got pregnant four times before but those never got to stay with us and we had given up. So, to get a feel of being important to some kids, she started helping out at the elementary school and I coached little league and helped with the local scouts. We gained ourselves a couple kids that have been trailing after us like little ducklings since then. Jack was just a bonus we weren’t expecting when we were in our 40s.”

“Was it scary? Having Jack I mean.”

“The first six months were,” he acknowledged, “that was the farthest our third try made it. Once Jack cleared that it just felt like a constant miracle happening.”

“I’m glad, he did.”

“So am I. I’m not sure Maria could have handled another loss like that.” The car rolled to a stop in front of the shop. Jack’s truck parked across the street, the familiar vehicles bringing a smile to your face instantly. “You two really are some lovesick pups.” He shook his head, “I don’t think Mare and I were so infatuated.”

“Nah, buddy pal,” you denied him, “I’ve seen you together. Y’all are the lovesick ones.”

“Yeah, yeah, go do your job. Call the owner and tell them the car is ready to get picked up.”

You nodded and took a quick look to check what type of car it was. You walked straight to the office, seeing Jack looking into a motor and spitballing the problems that there may be with it. Flipping through a notebook, you found the owner and started dialing the number.

“Hello? ...I’m calling from Tovar and Daniels Repairs,” you startled slightly when arms wrapped around you, but you quickly relaxed into them when Jack pressed a kiss to your temple. “Your car is ready for pick up at your earliest convenience…” You elbowed Jack softly when you felt him bite at your neck. “Well, we advise you to change your brakes, but it’s not an immediate issue. ...Change them? Okay. I’ll get one of the guys to work on it right now.” The line cut off and you hung up the phone, “Do you mind?”

Jack took a break from your neck to press a kiss to your cheek. “Couldn’t help it. You looked cute talkin’ business. Heard you got yourself a gig here.”

“Yeah, your dad asked me to be the secretary and he wants me to be the test driver too, but he has to teach me how to drive first.”

He swayed the two of you lazily, “I’m glad for you, baby. I know you’ve been wanting a job.”

“How come you don’t work here?” You wondered.

“Didn’t wanna take a job away from the guys. Also didn’t like the idea of getting a position just because I was the owner's kid,” he said, talking against your neck, “Though, when I think about it, they’re not any better. I like outside work better anyhow.” Jack pressed a couple more kisses to your neck, earning himself a moan. “Sugar, that was a little too loud,” he scolded, his proud smirk couldn’t be kept at bay.

You laughed, turning around to face him. “I can’t believe you’re gonna get me fired during my orientation.” Pulling him close, you gave him a proper kiss.

Recently the kisses had started getting more eager. As Jack pulled you flush against himself, you couldn’t find any reasons to complain. His hands found some purchase under your shirt as yours tugged at his hair. Jack quickly sat you on the desk, his lips never leaving yours.

“Go Jackie!” You heard three loud whoops at the door. “That’s our boy!”

Jack groaned when you pulled away and hid your face against his neck in embarrassment. He raised his hand to flip them off.

“Jack! Stop kissing my workers on company time!”

Next Chapter

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