I posted 584 times in 2022
97 posts created (17%)
487 posts reblogged (83%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@writercole
@wayward-dreamer
@evergreencowboy
@makeadealwithdean
@soldierboys
I tagged 523 of my posts in 2022
Only 10% of my posts had no tags
#the boys season 3 - 85 posts
#the boys tv - 80 posts
#fic rec - 72 posts
#stranger things - 72 posts
#deangirl reads - 71 posts
#jensen ackles - 58 posts
#soldier boy - 53 posts
#supernatural fanfiction - 48 posts
#stranger things 4 - 47 posts
#dean x female!reader - 47 posts
Longest Tag: 28 characters
#🧎🏻♀️🧎🏻♀️🧎🏻♀️🧎🏻♀️
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Better Than Fantasy
Square/s filled: sex against the wall @spnaubingo / mutual pining @anyfandomgoesbingo / mutual pining @anyfandomfluffbingo
Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader
Word count: 4,000
Summary: Y/N moves in with Dean, and finds herself in a dilemma when she can't stop fantasizing about all the things she wants him to do to her. She has no idea that Dean has a few fantasies of his own.
Warning: slight angst, fluff, mutual pining, swearing, smut: dirty talk, masturbation (male and female), voyeurism, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it up people)
A/N: This is also written for @supernatural-jackles Tell Me A Story Bingo, square filled: Roommates. Had a bit of fun with the roommate trope. Happy reading and enjoy! :)
Y/N was right in thinking that living with Dean would be absolute torture. Dean should’ve sworn on his love for pie before ever agreeing to her being his roommate.
They had known each other well enough for her to live with him, an old friend of Sam’s from college who needed a place to stay once she got to Lawrence. Considering Sam and Jess had started a family, they didn’t have the room and didn’t want her to sleep on a couch for an indefinite amount of time. Y/N didn’t really know their extended group of friends yet so of course, that left the only option of living with Dean.
At first, it was easy. They fell into a steady rhythm of one person handling the cooking and one person handling the cleaning, and alternating every few days. The rent was an easy and clear divide between them, which didn’t leave either of them struggling with the rest of the bills, so it was a good fit.
Everything was fine… and then it happened. She got real comfortable in his apartment, real fast. She spent the first few weeks wearing pants around him all the time, and once she felt more at ease, it was oversized shirts and nothing else. She was all legs and smooth skin, and he found himself unable to be around her. Not for any other reason than he couldn’t come on to her and risk losing her as a roommate and friend. Yet he couldn’t help but think about her legs wrapped around him, her soft moans in his ear as he ravaged her, in his dreams late at night, with his hand being the only thing to bring him some relief from the frustration.
So, if she could stop being so damn perfect in every aspect that would be fucking great.
But it wasn’t exactly simple for her either. He had a fondness for no shirts in the morning, his sculpted back and nice, firm ass covered in boxers were her first sight as soon as she left her room every day, his hair sticking up in different directions as he made her coffee and handed it over to her. She would be the first to admit that a perky tush on a man was her favorite thing, but the lines and muscles of his back had her reconsidering that. She wanted nothing more than to dig her nails into it, squeezing his muscles in her hands as he pounded deep into her.
She really needed him to stop looking so goddamn attractive with his rough timbre and beautiful green orbs, his beaming smirk and his all-around amazing personality.
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186 notes - Posted February 5, 2022
#4
Always And Forever
Square/s Filled: Breeding Kink - @spnkinkbingo
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Female!Reader
Word count: 3,577
Summary: Y/N and Jensen had seen each other in a lot of different outfits or costumes over the years, but wedding attire sure hits different.
Warnings: Fluff, swearing, smut: dirty talk, vaginal fingering oral sex (female receiving), breeding kink, unprotected sex (wrap it up people)
A/N: This is the last part to my series, Switching Roles. This was born from something that was just meant to be a one shot, but clearly into was meant to spiral into five more parts. I have to shout out my girl @writercole, because this little series wouldn't have been possible without her. Everyone say thank you Cole! Beta’d by my darling @downanddirtydean. As always, happy reading and enjoy!
Several months passed before either Y/N or Jensen made any decisions about their upcoming wedding. He had been so busy with getting all his projects in order, the last few filming days of The Boys, and she had just as much on her plate, picking up several jobs for photoshoots and even picking up a few writing jobs. Once they finally managed to come up for air long enough to see each other and have more than a few days together, they decided to start planning how they wanted things to happen on their special day.
They realized pretty fast that they didn’t want an enormous wedding, but they still wanted to celebrate with their family and friends. Deciding very quickly that having the wedding at the house allowed them to still have an intimate ceremony, but also have everyone they loved present.
Y/N got ready at the house while Jensen was at Jared’s, the only tradition they really stuck to, wanting to keep some element of surprise between them. She was glad she had hired someone to organize everything, knowing that she didn’t have the time with a busy schedule to do it herself, and that everything had gone smoothly. She peeked through the curtains to see the backyard, her smile widening as she saw how perfect it all looked.
“Just a couple more hours to go,” her mom stated behind her, causing her to turn around.
“I know,” Y/N sighed, biting her lip as she sat down at the edge of her bed, running her fingers over her dress. It was a long sleeved, shimmer fabric with a long flowing skirt and a deep cut in the back. “I just want to see Jensen, just finally be married.”
“I can’t believe we’re finally here,” Sarah muttered, smiling brightly. “I guess y’all officially owe me.”
Y/N beamed, knowing how true that was. They really did owe her, because if she hadn’t been working on Supernatural, then she never would’ve introduced Y/N to Jensen, and they wouldn’t be getting married in a little under two hours.
“Okay,” Y/N stood up, looking down at her dress with a soft smile on her face, “let’s do this.”
She had her make-up and hair done within the hour; her strands pulled up into a delicate bun with loose locks framing her face. As time ticked away and got closer to the ceremony, she let out a sigh of relief as she slipped into her dress. A wave of emotions washed over her as she realized it wasn’t too much longer until she could call Jensen her husband and she wanted nothing more than to get to that moment. She couldn’t wait to see him, because 24 hours without him by her side was the most that she could handle.
After a few photos with her parents and Sarah, Y/N stepped out to the backyard, taking in the lanterns hanging from the trees, the rose arch for the ceremony, the few tables that were set up for the food, along with white and pink roses and candles for decoration. Everything had come together better than she had expected, and she was relieved that any problems they had were during the planning, not on the day of their wedding itself.
Sarah came to whisk her away as the time of the ceremony approached, both of them hiding in the pool room that led to the yard as they watched the guests coming in and taking their seats in front of the arch. Y/N saw Jared walking towards the front, causing to quickly turn away as she had no doubt Jensen was with him; she wanted the first time she saw him in the past few hours to be as she walked down the aisle. Soon, the music started, and Sarah hugged her tight, walking out first. Y/N took a deep breath as she walked out, her heart beat steady and strong.
She smiled softly at some of the guests as she walked past them, and she reached the end of the aisle and her eyes finally met Jensen’s, she beamed. He looked immaculate in his tux, his grin as bright as hers as he reached for her hand. They had seen each other in several different outfits over the years, a few costumes thanks to Supernatural and The Boys, and even she had dressed up for him a couple of times, but none of that compared to the vision of her in her dress, walking towards him, and she felt the same about him in his suit.
“I missed you,” he whispered, his thumb stroking across her knuckles.
“I missed you, too,” she whispered back, squeezing his fingers.
“Are we ready?” the officiant asked, as he stood in front of them.
Jensen gazed at Y/N, a small smirk on his face before he looked back at him. “Absolutely.”
The ceremony was short and sweet, the vows they said to each other were beautiful and held all the promises for the future they wanted to build together. The guests clapped and cheered for them as they walked up the aisle, following behind them as they moved across the yard where all the food and drinks were set up. They went their separate ways briefly as they greeted their friends and family, accepting their love and congratulations. She smiled as she rushed over to all their friends from Supernatural, almost getting tackled by a few of them. Jensen caught up with a few of The Boys cast that had made it to the wedding, which he was really thankful for. Having new friends as well as old made everything even more special.
Y/N said a quick hello to Rob before he and the rest of Louden Swain got set up, offering up their services for free as a present to the couple, which they were incredibly grateful for. They knew everyone was going to have a great night if they were in charge of entertainment. The band played all the classics that Y/N and Jensen played, a few of their own songs that they wanted the boys to play, and before they knew it, it was basically a Saturday Night Special right there in their yard with Briana taking the mic, followed by Rich.
“You gonna sing something?” Y/N muttered into Jensen’s ear, her arms around his neck as they swayed to the music.
“You want me to sing you something?” Jensen asked in return, smirking.
“Wouldn’t hate it,” she shrugged, a playful smile on her lips. “You know how I feel about that voice of yours.”
“Let me see what I can do,” he stated, winking as he pulled away from her.
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262 notes - Posted March 7, 2022
#3
Touch
Square/s filled: Coffee Shop AU and Hand Kink @anyfandomkinkbingo
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Female!Reader
Word count: 3,110
Summary: A visit from the elusive lawyer Y/N is secretly crushing on turns out to be the best part of her day, and brings promises of something more.
Warning: Fluff, swearing, minor angst, smut: slight dirty talk, hand kink, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it up people)
A/N: I wrote this for @huffle-pissed Vibes and Valentines challenge, with the prompt “if we keep this up, it only ends one way.” (in bold in the fic). I love how this turned out and yes, Matt Murdock is in the rotation of men currently ruining my life. Hope you all enjoy! :)
Y/N didn’t really like routines.
Getting up, getting ready and getting the hell out of her apartment on time for work was all something she hated doing, but that was the reality of the world. Working at the coffee shop two blocks away wasn’t rewarding, especially dealing with customers that ranged from good to bad to very, very ugly. Whether it was opening the shop, doing a shorter shift in the middle of the day, or closing after a tiring one, it was all a part of the routine she couldn’t stand. It was all for a job she hated, and she couldn’t wait for the day that she was finally out of that place, with a little more control of what she did with her time.
There was only one thing in that routine that made it bearable, that actually made coming into work worth it, and that was one customer in particular.
Matt Murdock, attorney at law and the only man who seemed to have the ability to leave her weak in the knees from just a few minutes of interaction in the mornings. He would come into the shop at 8:15AM on the dot, order a large drip coffee, refuse change but leave a great tip after he chatted with her a little. A few quips, a flash of that gorgeous smile and instantly he would make her day better without even knowing it.
She knew he probably didn’t care about her, that he was just being friendly like she was sure he was to everyone, but he was the best part of her day and she really wished she could tell him that. Unfortunately for her however, that day she would be working during the day and closing later, so until he came in for a midday caffeine hit, she probably wouldn’t be seeing him.
Around 3pm, after the lunch time rush and college kids slumming it for a few hours to get out of classes, she was alone in the shop with only her book to keep her company. They were currently understaffed, so while she would usually have someone working with her, the lack of employees was really putting a strain on those of them that were left. There was never much to do between the one or two customers that would come in, so there she was, leaning over the counter, her nose buried in the latest novel she was reading.
The bell above the door of the shop rang, a light, repetitive tapping catching her attention. She lifted her head, her eyes widening as she saw Matt walking in, his cane hitting the floorboards as he made his way to the counter.
“Matt,” she sighed, her voice hitching as she took in his soft, brown hair and strong jaw, a light stubble adding to his appeal. “Hi, how are you?”
“Good, though it’s a slow workday,” he replied, smirking softly. “Hoping another large drip coffee does the trick.”
“Sure thing,” she muttered, shuffling back towards the coffee machine.
“Seems like things have been slow here, too,” he observed, tilting his head slightly.
Y/N poured the fresh coffee she had just made before he got to the shop into a Styrofoam cup, snapped the lid on as she walked over to the counter, glancing around the room before she looked at Matt, frowning.
A smile grew on his face as he sensed confusion through the silence. “You snapped your book shut when I walked in and the music’s a few notches higher than usual. Plus, there’s no clattering of cups and spoons, so I have to assume it’s only me in here.”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise, even more in awe of him than she ever was. She slid the cup across the surface of the counter, her eyes glancing over him as he reached for it. He slipped his hand into his pocket, taking out a folded bill and sliding it across to her. She pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh as she pushed the money back to him.
“Matt, that’s uh… that’s a 50,” she confessed.
He huffed a small laugh, shaking his head. “Sure you don’t want to take advantage?”
“God no!” she exclaimed, chuckling.
“Foggy sure would’ve.” His melodic guffaw joined hers, as he placed it back in his pocket and took out another bill, a twenty dollar one this time and placed it on the counter. “Must’ve folded it wrong.”
She nimbly pinched the money between her fingers, her hand close to Matt’s, their knuckles brushing against each other’s. She flinched slightly, cursing herself as she watched his hand retreat and take hold of his cane again. He stepped back, his lips pulling up briefly before he gave her a small nod.
“Thanks, Y/N.”
“You’re welcome,” she whispered as he walked out, the bell ringing once more as the door closed.
Sighing heavily, she dropped her head in her hands, a frustrated groan leaving her. She hated the fact that she was like this, taking one step forward to talking to Matt but then taking two steps back and never mustering the courage to ask him out. Maybe it was a good thing in the long run, what’s a smart, good-looking lawyer like him going to do with her anyway? She often thought about that, but then other ideas, like ones of his hands roaming over her skin, his lips on hers as well as other parts of her body, always made their way into her mind.
With her lack of courage, those images would probably never become a reality.
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359 notes - Posted February 23, 2022
#2
Away From The Public
Pairing: Jensen x Female!Publicist!Reader
Word count: 3,366
Summary: Lingering looks and touches between Jensen and Y/N at The Boys premiere could put their friendship and working relationship on the line as they can't fight their feelings anymore.
Warnings: Swearing, mild angst, smut: dirty talk, oral sex (female receiving), brief handjob, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (wrap it up people), fluff
A/N: As soon as I saw this photo from The Boys premiere, I knew what I wanted to do with it, and I really like how this turned out, so I hope you all do too! As always, happy reading and enjoy! :) beta’d by my love @evergreencowboy.
Cheers came from the crowd behind the barriers as Y/N stepped out of the black SUV. She buttoned up the blazer of her completely black ensemble, apart from her red patent leather heels, standing beside the open car door, waiting for the next person to get out. She saw several fans moving back and forth, trying to see who was about to step onto the carpet, giggling to herself. She always loved this part.
Jensen stepped out of the car, waving as the cheers and screams grew, causing her smile to widen. There it was. She closed the door behind him and flashed her badge to the security guards, thanking them as they were let through. Jensen slipped his sunglasses on before buttoning his black, double-breasted, pinstripe jacket, looking down the carpet as he sighed heavily.
“That’s a lot of cameras,” he remarked, glancing back at her.
“You’re gonna be fine,” she reassured him, patting his arm lightly before she gestured behind her at the rest of the cast. “Chace and Tomer are right behind you, so you’re good.”
Jensen smirked as he raised his fist, allowing her to bump her own into it, giving him a light pat on his back. He walked onto the blue carpet, thanking fans that were there as he signed merch, before waving at them and continuing down the line. Photos were taken first, as Y/N guided him to each spot, simultaneously looking at the schedule on her phone of the outlets that wanted interviews.
“Not as bad as you were thinking, huh?” she asked as she walked past him, pointing out the next stop on the press line.
“Never said it was bad, sweetheart,” he replied, chuckling, “just a lot more than I’m used to.”
“Well, if I do my job right, things are only getting bigger from here,” she stated, flashing him a smile.
“Pretty sure you’ve never done your job wrong, darlin’,” he jested, his usual drawl slipping out slightly as he walked over to the next set up.
Jensen’s hand brushed across hers as he moved past her, glancing back and flashing her that smirk she had come to fall for over the years, before he focused his attention on the interview. They had been friends for years, since the middle of Supernatural’s run when his management changed, and she oversaw his publicity. She always kept things professional, but somewhere along the way he had become a really good friend, and eventually for her at least, he became a lot more in her heart. Still, she had never crossed the line, and she didn’t plan to.
“Hey, you okay?” she heard a voice ask behind her.
Shaking her head, she came back to reality. She smiled at Karen as she stood next to her, giving her a small nod. “Yeah, sorry, I totally spaced for a second.”
“You’ve been busy, I totally get it,” Karen said, smiling softly at her. “At least you don’t have to worry about him after the premiere and get the rest of the night off.”
“Yep, I got a hot date with the hotel bathtub,” Y/N quipped, chuckling lightly as she stepped back and let the other woman pass.
The press line continued until the end of the carpet. The cast stood together as Y/N kept to the side, feeling her heart skip a beat as she watched Jensen interact with the rest of them. They had all welcomed him in so easily, and he fit in with them like he had always been there. She was glad he had such an incredible experience with them, and she hoped that would continue.
Once inside the theatre, Y/N stood close to the doors as the cast and Eric took the stage, answering a few more questions from the host of the evening before the room darkened, ready to air the first episode of the season. She continued to work on her phone, catching glimpses of what was happening and laughing to herself at the crowd’s reaction. She made her way backstage before the episode was over, ready for them to walk back to the cars.
“You know, if you’re not doing anything, you should come to dinner,” Jensen suggested, glancing down at her as they took the back exit of the theatre.
“Really?” she asked, frowning.
“Yeah,” he replied, casually as he shrugged his shoulders. “We haven’t gotten a chance to hang out, might be nice.”
“No, uh… it’s okay, I got a lot of emails to reply to and then I’m gonna soak in the tub,” she declined, a faint smile playing at her lips. “But you guys have fun.”
Jensen guided Karen and Claudia down the carpet, letting them get into the car first before he turned back to Y/N. “Put work away for one night and come out with us. With me.”
She sighed, huffing a small laugh before she looked back at him. “Okay.”
“Awesome.”
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362 notes - Posted July 5, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Enrapture
Square/s Filled: Mirror Sex - @anyfandomgoesbingo Custom The Boys card
Pairing: Soldier Boy x Female!Reader
Word count: 4,000
Summary: Y/N is a P.A on the Solid Gold music program, and is excited for Soldier Boy's appearance. She hopes to catch his attention for a few seconds, but doesn't expect him to take such an interest in her.
Warnings: Swearing, some angst, Soldier Boy being a Grade A asshole, drug use, A WHOLE LOTTA SMUT: dirty talk, degradation, oral sex (male receiving), deepthroating, face fucking, brief female masturbation, brief mention of glory holes, nipple play, mirror sex, hair pulling, spanking, unprotected sex (SB pulls out), hand job, cum swallowing. EXTREMELY NSFW 18+ ONLY. A touch of narcissism, more assholery.
A/N: I am officially OBSESSED with how this turned out, so I hope you guys like it! As always, happy reading and enjoy! :) beta’d by my love @evergreencowboy (sorry not sorry for killing you lol)
Y/N had always prided herself on doing her job in a timely manner and doing it correctly.
When she was hired as a P.A for the Solid Gold segment at one of the major television stations, it was unexpected to say the least. She had applied, but considering the entertainment industry was so male dominated, she was sure it was going to slip through her fingers. Then one day she got the call that the job was hers, and she never looked back after it. There was never a dull moment on the set of the music program, especially when supes were invited to join the hour. Sometimes they would be surprisingly good, and other times it was clear they were just there to fulfill their duties from talent management at Vought American.
When Y/N found out who was coming into film their appearance that day she tried not to implode with excitement. Soldier Boy would be at the studio, and she had made sure to clip her gold Soldier Boy inspired pin to her blouse, in the hopes that he would notice if she got to meet him.
“Do you know when he’s gonna be here?” one of the other P.A’s, Josh, asked her as soon as she arrived in the studio.
“He should actually be here soon,” she informed him, grinning.
Just as Y/N picked up one of the walkie-talkies and clipped it to her thick belt, her head whipped around as the sound of heavy boots coming down the hallway reached her ears. She stepped forward, an enamoured smile pulling at her lips as she noticed the swagger with which Soldier Boy walked into the room. His eyes met no one’s as he passed by, an entourage behind him, chattering quickly as they followed him to the assigned dressing room. She saw a small flash of his green suit before he disappeared around the corner, her heart beating fast with the exhilaration of seeing him in the flesh.
She had only ever seen him on television appearances or his old movies that she loved to watch with her parents, but never just mere inches away. She couldn’t wait to tell her family; they were going to freak out.
“That was so awesome,” Josh breathed, stunned by the supe’s presence.
“I kn-” she was about to agree when they both jumped, seeing one of their co-workers being shoved out of the dressing room, his back hitting the wall.
“Did no one get the memo about iced?!”
Y/N eyes widened as she heard the booming voice of the beloved supe echo across the studio. Everyone was in shock as they looked at each other, unsure of what to do. She gulped as she saw her boss stalking towards her, his pace frantic as he pulled her aside.
“He’s in a mood, so I need you to go get an iced coffee from that coffee shop down the street,” he instructed her, glancing back to the dressing room before he looked at her again, “and uh, make sure the ice isn’t melting by the time you get back.”
“Bill, it’s a hundred degrees outside, it’s gonna be melting as soon as I get out of the store,” she hissed, her features pulling into an annoyed expression. He had to come to her with this? Seriously?
“I don’t care what you do, just do it,” he countered, glaring at her. With that as his last word, he left.
“Fuck,” she gritted out between her clenched teeth, picking up her purse from where it was hanging from the chair.
She knew she had to move quickly lest someone else get yelled at unnecessarily. She was nothing if not professional and she wasn’t about to let the needless display of entitlement from Soldier Boy change that.
She’d leave that out when she retold the events of her day to her family.
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591 notes - Posted August 5, 2022
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I appreciate you being Dean concerned and not Dean critical. I’m sure you’ve already answered this before but what do you genuinely like about him? A lot of his good traits get twisted in your meta (and in the show) which is really interesting! But like. What about him do you just think is neat?
Also, you don’t talk about Sam a lot but I’m rewatching season 8 and it really feels like both a continuation of preseason one -> season one (Sam has a normal life, Dean is gone -> Sam wants to return to his normal life but Dean coming back gets him back in the game) which also gives it finale vibes :(
Besides the fact that the stuff with Amelia is really boring, it all just feels ooc and like a step back for Sam. Not to go on a rant but Sam seemed to finally make peace with his life back in season 7.
The stuff with Amelia also has both the same and the exact opposite energy as the stuff with Lisa. During his time with Lisa, it was always like Dean had one foot out the door back to hunting. During his time when he goes back to hunting with Dean in season 8, it feels like Sam always has one foot out the door back to Amelia.
That and I just can’t bring myself to give a shit about Amelia (maybe because she’s boring and inconsistent, maybe because info about her is drop fed instead of presented mostly all at once like with Lisa in season 6, maybe because she’s just shoved in for something for Sam to be up to and it feels ooc to me idk)
I thought I’d like season 8 (and I do really like a lot of Cas’ stuff but he’s always my favorite anyway so that was basically gaurenteed) but a lot of the stuff just makes my brain feel like a white noise machine. I’m only on episode 10 so I’m sure it’ll get better for me once the Sam stuff gets resolved but for now it’s very.... eh.
Thoughts?
okay so, what i like about dean. hm. that's hard! i love dean, for all sorts of reasons, and i know i'll miss stuff, but:
- he charms me, on a sort of pure, animal level. he's very charming, that's true within the show but it's true for the audience, or at least me, as well. he's funny, he's affectionate, he's sweet, and he tries so hard. and it makes me love him
- he's compellingly tragic. like dean is a fucked up guy, he hurts both himself and everyone around him because of patterns of trauma an neurosis he can't break out of. no one wants to be a bad guy, no one wants to hurt the ones they love, least of all dean, but he can't stop doing both those things. like his self-made cage of ideology, emotional repression, and control is killing him, and it's killing everyone who doesn't get away from him, and that's sad! it's awful! no one is winning except dean's self-image. he will sacrifice everyone and everything he loves on the altar of never having to re-evaluate himself. or, i hope he won't. but he might! and that's sad! it's the perfect tragedy!
- second hand deangirlism due to cas kinnie disease. men will be the first person who was ever nice to castiel and then me and castiel will love them forever about it.
- he is my little puzzle box and i will solve him
- straightmarried gf
i liked that sam ran off and tried to escape The Life in s8, that makes sense to me. i think sam really fundamentally doesn't want to be a hunter and the only reason he gives up on trying to leave post s8 is that it is impressed upon him that he's completely trapped. he can never be free. dean will always drag him back, kicking and screaming.
i actually feel like sam's equivalent to lisa isn't amelia, it's jess. i talked some about that here but like. both jess and lisa were kind of synecdoches for a false ideal of the american dream, each in their own way. they're both images of suburban perfection, and what draws the winchesters to them is the desire to fit into that image.
but comparing lisa and amelia..... like, dean promises sam that he will go try to make a normal life with lisa, and then he does, because that obligation is all he has left to cling to. like dean is nothing but a miserable little pile of duties and tasks, he doesn't know who he is without a chore (see: demon!dean's total directionlessness) and lisa is the last promise he made to his brother, so he fulfills that. she's an idea to him, not a real woman. the thing he's clinging to, in sam's absence, is not lisa, but the idea of a normative suburban lifestyle. but then the moment sam shows up and voids his own last wishes, dean is like okay bye i don't need to fulfill this obligation anymore. like he was never all that interested in lisa. he didn't love her and his relationship with her was built on obligations, normative images, and anxiety over her safety, which finally resolves itself in dean horrifically violating her by asking cas to wipe her memories.
whereas sam is with amelia because he like, meets her and they form a connection. they hit it off. and sam has a pattern of like. when he wants to get away from something, especially if dean isn't around, he jumps into bed with the nearest girl who smiles at him and then forms a super intense with her. his early season one-off love interests, ruby, and now amelia. (amelia is actually kind of the last time he does that, because after season eight he gives up trying to escape for real). but what he's clinging to there isn't an image that he's trying to fit into. it's the girl herself. like he likes amelia and he wants to be around her and he dives into like. spending time with her and building a relationship with her. and like amelia is a real woman and sam sees her as a real woman. like she's a fucked up mess and so is he and they connect. like she's a bitch and she clogs her drain with limes. also #MyGirlfriendsHusbandFightsForYourFreedom. like samelia is a little boring but i don't begrudge sam that. it's almost compelling because it's boring.
i'm actually not a huge season eight guy myself but my issue with it isn't samelia.
actually, and this is a complete tangent, can i bitch about season ten for a second? like. okay. seasons eight and nine are about sam learning that dean will never let him go. that he's trapped forever in the hunting life and trapped forever with his brother, that dean will do horrific things to him in order to keep them together. and slowly just... giving up. deciding to relinquish his dreams of getting out once and for all.
and then season ten rolls around and suddenly sam makes a hypocrite of himself? suddenly sam is the one who will go to any lengths to save dean, even against dean's own wishes? NOT believable. like sam should be like. sad and fucked up about it, but letting dean go his own way. if anything, cas should be the one trying to save dean against his will, that's way more cas' move. like there's definitely a certain level of cas -> dean :: dean -> sam that exists in the show, at least in terms of protective fixation. cas is somewhat more respectful of dean's boundaries and autonomy, but he's the one with a pattern of blowing up at dean for being self-destructive etc etc.
like, sam should have been way different in s10. i don't know exactly what i would do with him, maybe give him his own distinct plot? or maybe have demon dean last somewhat longer and make "demon dean tries to kill sam" a whole multi-episode arc, i think that would slap. and then the relationship fallout from that can be many more episodes.
like imo this happened because jeremy carver got his start in season three, when sam legitimately was trying to save dean against dean's wishes, but in s3 that made sense. like, one, the brothers were much closer then, dean wasn't quite as much of a prison guard for sam, but two, much more importantly, dean's deal was sam's fault. he blamed himself. he wasn't just trying to save dean from dying, he was trying to save dean from going to hell because of him. like girl, it made sense in mystery spot. but this is not the energy you should be bringing to the table with sam in s10. ooc!
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