#derek is a creepy stalker

[salty-fryingpan]

Derek: *kills a man*

Stiles:

Stiles: *cracks a smile*

Derek:

[ohwowimlonley]

Closer

CHAPTER ONE - blank stares

Series Synopsis - after being evicted and having nothing left, your best friend sends you to live with her brooding, stoic boss. Except, he isn’t so brooding, and he isn’t so stoic, and now that you live with him, your underwear keeps going missing

Chapter Synopsis - you meet your bestfriend’s angry boss, but he isn’t so angry

Chapter Warnings - crybaby!reader, dilf!perv!hotch, food mentions, reader is kinda a housewife already

Word Count - 2517

Add yourself to the taglist

The first time you meet Aaron Hotchner, you’re just a tad bit desperate. Not for him, of course, you’d just met the man. But you’re definitely a bit dishevelled because you’d been sofa surfing for weeks now and your friend Penelope has only just notified you that her boss has a spare room in his apartment and she can ‘try get you hooked up’.

So, two days after her phone call, you’re standing outside of a door that looks much too expensive for you to even be close too and before you can stop yourself you’re knocking on the pristine white paint and then there’s locks clicking and chains clinking and the door swings open and you’re face to face with the most gorgeous man on the planet.

He looks you up and down, tongue peeking out from between his lips to wet them, brushing over a patch of stubble and you find yourself having to wrench your eyes away from the scene. He steps back, gesturing for you to come inside.

“I’m Aaron,” he extends his hand, a polite smile gracing his lips as your fingers brush over the calluses on his palms, causing goosebumps to break out over your (thankfully sweater-clad) arms, “Penelope has told me a lot about you. Please, sit down,”

You’re hardly convinced this is the man your best friend had been telling you about. His soft smile, gentle words and overall kind demeanour was a complete 180 from the man your friend had described. Nevertheless, you perch yourself on the edge of a plush grey sofa, resting your hands on your denim-clad knees and look around anxiously, taking in the sparsely decorated room.

The living room is carpeted in a charcoal grey, bookshelves are dotted across the place, most of which are filled with criminal law books. There are two small picture frames, one with a picture of him and a small boy. A grin stretches over both of their faces, and the small boy has a glob of icecream on his cheek. Aaron is wearing a pair of sunglasses, but they’re pushed to the top of his head, and his cheek is squished to the boy’s forehead, exposing some laughter lines around his cheeks and eyes.

The other picture isn’t nearly as interesting, though. It’s a picture of what you assume is the whole BAU team. You spot Penelope, and Derek (who you only know from the countless pictures of him Penny had shown you) then you guess Spencer is next to Derek, then Emily, JJ and Rossi respectively. A few feet from them stands Aaron, his smile more reserved than the others, and nothing like the one in the other picture.

You’re so consumed with your examination of the pictures you barely register the sofa cushions dipping under his weight, or the clinking of glass against enamel coasters, or really anything until the sound of Aaron softly clearing his throat damn near makes you jump out of your skin.

You try not to show too much of a visible reaction to him, mostly so he won’t think you’re just a creepy stalker who wants to stare at pictures of him all the live-long day. Aaron pretends not to notice anything, mercifully turning his gaze from yours and spinning a set of keys attached to a D-ring on his pointer finger.

“Um, so I assume you have questions for me before I like, steal your spare room or whatever,” you chuckle awkwardly to yourself, and Aaron offers you a tight-lipped smile in response. It’s only now that you realise he’s pushed up the sleeves of his button down to expose his forearms, and suddenly you’re distracted all over again but this time by dark hair contrasting just barely sunkissed skin, by bulging veins twisting and turning and pulsing under layers of skin, by muscles with soft indentations of old scars.

“Well,” once again, you’re pulled away from fantasy land by the older man, but it’s not completely unwelcome because his deep gravelly voice is something that you don’t think you’ll ever tire of, “first things first. As you know, I’m an FBI agent, which means my schedule is mostly very hectic, and would sometimes be home very late in the night, is that okay?”

You furrow your eyebrows, why would that be an issue for you? “No, uh that sounds fine for me, I’m kinda an insomniac anyways, so it’s not like it would disturb me much,”

“Well, that’s a relief,” and you can tell from his now relaxed shoulders that he's telling the truth, “what do you do for work?”

“Oh, well I was in finance, but that’s not really my scene, so I quit,” you didn’t catch him staring at your smile as you spoke, nor the way his gaze travelled ever so slowly down and becomes glued to the subtle way your tits brushed against each other as you spoke. Aaron determines that you’re definitely not wearing a bra. Do you always do that? Walk into a complete stranger's house with no bra? God, if it were two degrees cooler in here then he would be able to see your nipples poking against the fabric of your only slightly revealing shirt, he could practically see them already, all he had to do was reach out and- “so now, I’m focusing on what I really want to do; my writing,”

“Oh,” he clears his throat desperately, pulling at his collar and praying you don’t notice where his eyes were just affixed to. His panic quickly settles when he notices your obliviousness to the situation, and he lets his tongue dart out to wet his lips, imagining that his tongue could grace any part of your body, oh what he would give to taste you.

“Oh god, that makes me sound like I make no money, look, I’ve got savings and stuff so I can afford to pay rent, and- and I have family money too but,” you cut yourself off, and Aaron realises that he must’ve gone too long without replying because now you’re panicking and he’s about to interject but then you’re talking again, “I’ll- I’ll do all the housework and- and I’m not loud I promise, I- I just can’t keep sleeping on my friends sofas,”

“Sweetheart,” he’s a little ashamed at the fact his cock gives an interested stir at the thought of you acting like his little housewife, keeping everything perfect and waiting for him to come home, and his predicament becomes even worse when tears begin to fill your eyes and now he has to school his expression to remain soft and inviting - absolutely not to look as depraved as he feels, “I don’t care about rent, I bought the place outright, and I think it’s wonderful that you’re following your dreams instead of doing something you hate,”

Your cheeks burn under his gaze, and you can’t meet his eyes, desperately blinking away the tears still building up from your annoyance at yourself for crying at something so silly. You nod along to his sentiment, if only to give yourself something to do to distract yourself from the oncoming tears.

You resign yourself to discussing practicalities for the next hour or so; where you would sleep, what his usual schedule was like, the security and alarm systems, the motion activated cameras, if you wanted any furniture moving into any communal spaces (you desperately wanted a more comfortable sofa than the barely sat in one, but you bit that comment down and asked if there was room for your plush loveseat) and then he gives you a tour of the house. He shows you around the kitchen first, and you make a mental note of a barely used pack of expensive looking coffee, sat next to a cheaper looking brand and theorised he must only drink one cup every morning at home and didn't want to allow his good stuff to go stale in the warmer throughout the day. Next is his office, which he kindly requests you don’t enter unless he is home due to its sensitive contents, and you knew enough not to ask questions, but you do straighten out a stack of files that look as if they’re about to topple over. After that is his own bedroom, and it’s as neat-messy as the rest of his house. You can tell some things are left looking messy simply out of convenience (for instance the duffle bag settled by the front door, or the fresh suit laid out on his dresser), and not because he’s a slob. His bed is made with military precision, and everything about his room is perfect, bar the thin layer of dust settling almost everywhere except his bed and the doorway. Next, he shows you a smaller room directly adjacent to his. It looks as if it’s cleaned even more meticulously than his own room, because there isn’t even a speck of dust across the expanse of the place. What surprises you, though, is that it's clearly the bedroom of a child. The bed isn't even a single mattress, and it's covered in Spiderman sheets. The bedside tables are decorated in figurines and the lampshades have the visage of Batman? Or maybe that star wars guy? You don’t know, pop culture isn’t really your thing. You turn back to him.

“I probably should’ve told you about this,” his neck burns red and he brings a hand up to scratch nervously behind his ear, “I, uh, I have a son,”

You bite down on your tongue, repressing any response as you wait for him to continue.

“Jack, his uh, his name is Jack. Me and my wife- my ex wife, rather, had him just over four years ago,” he clears his throat and looks down at his feet, “he, well it’s for the best probably, he lives with her now, but I see him every time I get the day off, I hope you don’t mind,”

“Mind?” You spit out. Then, a grin splits across your face, and you’re venturing further into the room, running your fingers over an assorted stack of toys, ones more obviously more used are piled closer within reach and then you’re whirling around to look at him, “tell me about him,”

And he does; he spills every detail he can about his son, Jack Hotchner. He tells you about the picture in the living room, about how excited he was about his first ever big boy bed, about how he could stay awake to watch Star Wars for hours past his bedtime (and that’s when you realise it’s Darth Vader on his lampshade, not Batman), and how his favourite ice cream flavour is chocolate, but not just any chocolate, the chocolate ice cream he asks his dad for at the fair after they go on the teacup rides. After a long twenty or so minutes of you exploring the room and Aaron rambling from where he now sits on the edge of his son’s bed, you’re ready to move on.

He leads you onwards, down the hardwood hallway and into another room. It’s completely empty, save for an expensive looking bed frame, mattress and duvet set. The walls are a stark white and sunlight bleeds through the closed window, exposing the thick layer of dust, some of it kicked up just from the door opening and floating about the room. You try to stifle the cough that rises in your throat as you inhale, but it doesn’t work and soon you’re choking and Aaron is dashing across the room to open the window.

“I’m so sorry, I’ll have the room cleaned before you move in,” his face glows red again, and you send him a pained smile to let him know it’s okay, in between coughs of course, “I’ve been meaning to get around to it, but you know, work gets in the way,”

“No, no it’s fine really,” you rub at your eyes with your fists and take a better look around, albeit from the doorway, and you note the room’s impressive size. Really, despite the mental-hospital-esque coloured walls, you can really see this being a good room for you.

Before you can say anything else, Aaron is ushering you out with a hand on the small of your back and the door shuts softly behind you.

“Well, that's pretty much everything, oh except the utility room,” he walks off and you follow him to a room just off the kitchen, stocked with a washer, dryer and several staacks of cleaning supplies. You take a gleeful look around, sifting through drawers of bleach and scrubbers and sprays. Yes, this place will do.

–

You iron everything out with your new roommate (roommate!!), and by the time you’re finished its nearly nine pm and you’re yawning into your arms and nearly knocking over a precariously balanced pizza box from the coffee table as you stretch the tiredness settling deep within your bones. You’d ordered some pizza to share at some point after five, and a few lonely slices are left going stale in the soggy box so you stand and bring the box to the kitchen and ferret through the drawers and cupboards for a tupperware to contain the leftovers. Aaron tries to protest, saying that he should do some of the work, but you bat his hands away and shove the freshly filled box into the unsurprisingly empty fridge.

You're about to bid your goodbye and drive back to your friend's house when Aaron grabs your hands in his.

“Stay here tonight,” his eyes bore into yours, and suddenly you feel wide awake, “you've been practically falling asleep on my arm since eight, and I don’t want my new roommate to fall asleep at the wheel and crash into a tree or something,”

You bite at your lip, and glance at the hard sofa and try to imagine yourself trying to fall asleep on that, rather than your friend’s pull out bed.

“You can have my bed, I think you’ve had enough of sleeping on couches for a lifetime,” he gives a small, tired chuckle and you gnaw on your lip again. You can’t take his bed, not after he’s paid for dinner and agreed to let you live in his home. Again, Aaron senses your apprehension, “seriously, it’s fine. C’mon, you can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in,”

You end up in Aaron’s bed, wearing what you’re sure is the only shirt he owns that isn’t a button down and a pair of sweatpants you have to tie at the waistband with a bobble, a pile of your skirt, shirt, panties and bra just next to you. Aaron bids you goodnight, and concedes himself to a night on the uncomfortable sofa. It takes you almost an hour of tossing and turning to finally sleep, and you don’t wake until the alarm clock next to you reads 9:34am. But, as you roll over to put on last night’s clothes on, you notice one very disturbing thing.

Your panties are missing.

[familiar-anonymous]

Derek: Why do you always describe me as creepy and a stalker? I am funny and handsome too.

Stiles: Funny? Huh yeah sure. If you could joke, the jokes would be like, "Knock Knock." "Who is there?" "Doesn’t matter. I entered through the window!"

[buckybarnesss]

I am obsessed with Peter Hale. He has wormed his way into my brain and he will not leave!!

He has so many irons in the fire. He is always scheming and looking for advantages. One moment he manipulates Derek, the next moment he is looking for Derek because he's genuinely concerned.

He just walks up to Derek, at school, like "hey, so your girlfriend is kind of lame." What is his deal!!!

the more we talk about peter the more obsessed i become with him. he's such a weirdo. he's wearing a people suit. he's deranged. he's is the town manwhore going through milfs (and dilfs if you're lucky). he's serving that two shots of vodka energy. he wears italian made shoes. he's gayle waters-waters. he's a stalker. he's malia's creepy yet also oddly invested pta dad. he's derek's dad uncle. he's more invested in scott than scott's own father and peter tried to kill him. he wants to crawl inside derek and wear him as his people suit.

he's so compelling and i hate him and his stupid v-necks but at the same time i'm like

[hotgirlstiles]

about your post talking about derek being a creepy stalker cocky guy, would you happen to have any fic recs like that?🥺

HI BABY YES OFC ! off the top of my headbis DEFINITELG you are an obsession (i am your possession) by evanesdust like THEEEEEEEE CREEPY STALKER COCKY DEREK ITS SERIOUSLY MG FAV FIC OMFG. whenever i get too pissed at fics i IMMEDIATELY go back to this like shes that fucking good omfg.

sleeping dogs definitely

six minutes .. aka my fav fic everrrr omg!

you look like bad news (i gotta have you) PLEASEEEE PLEASE GENUINELY ONE OF THE SIAND FICS I LIKE. i only have like. 2 siandfics i like and theyre both deleted its genuinely a tragedy for me

THE SHARK IN YOUR WATER. HAVE BEEN GATEKEEPINF THIS FIC BUT EVERYONE NEEDS RO FUCKING READ IT NAOWWWWW OMFG

you and i, we collide — also a fic ive been gatekeeping…… but i have to bless you all with these good dereks…. God.

also literally everything fhat hedwig writes

[teenwolfpackincorrectcaptions]

Derek: Why do you always describe me as creepy and a stalker? I am funny and handsome too. Stiles: Funny? Huh yeah sure. If you could joke, the jokes would be like, "Knock Knock." / "Who is there?" / "Doesn’t matter. I entered through the window!"

(source)

[dalekofchaos]

Scream:What if?

Was discussing with a friend about What What If scenarios would be perfect for Scream. Here is what I'd like to see the most

What if the big fan theory that Dewey was the third killer in Scream was true and showed his true colors in Scream 3, with Jennifer as his accomplice(in this version Jennifer is someone Gale fucked over to get the Woodsboro reporter gig) and Dewey's motive is that he was the town's joke and he helped Billy and Stu so he could be seen as the hero and he killed Tatum because he couldn't stand being mocked by her and truly he had an obsessive love with SIdney and wanted her all to himself.

What if Tatum lived. What I see happening is, she gets out of the garage just before she dies a horrible death. She lost some blood, so she's woozy. She runs into Dewey and Gale. "Dewey, help" So I could foresee Dewey and Gale arriving at the party sooner and stopping Billy and Stu before things escalate to the way they do. Maybe they arrest Stu and kill Billy. Tatum lives and gets to appear in Scream 2. She, Sidney and Hallie are besties. I could see Tatum being apart of that Sorority house trying to recruit SIdney and convincing Sid to join. Tatum is very wary around Derek. But also Mickey. Mickey would kill Tatum. I can't see her surviving past 2.

What if Angelina was the second killer in Scream 3. Cutting this plotline could've fixed SO MANY things. The script also delves further into the original plan, showing she was intended to be a former classmate of Sidney from Woodsboro, originally named Angie Crick. Her motivation was stated as idolizing Sidney and wanting her fame and attention, thus taking on the role of Sidney in the third Stab film. So, proto-Jill. But I would've made her obsessed with Sidney. Make her a psycho stalker. Sending her creepy letters before she was allowed to call her as Ghostface. She wants the fame sure, but she wants to become Sidney, even if it means killing Sidney and Roman just to make it out alive.

What if Williamson's original Scream 3 happened

What if the planned Jill Scream 5 movie happened. The gist is the hospital wasn't supposed to be where the movie ended. Jill would've gotten away with it and Sidney would've been in a coma and everyone would believe in the lie that Jill crafted. Jill would be in college and her life is turned upside down. Ghostface has returned and Ghostface plans to reveal her dark secret and ruin her life. That's what we know about the original plan. Here's my idea for what it could've been. My pitch for who this Ghostface could've been? Kirby. Kirby wouldn't kill anyone. It would be like the Scream 3 script where no one was killed, they were all in on it to expose Jill and Kirby's partner? SIDNEY

What if Judy and Wes Hicks were the killers in Scream 5

The many deaths of Sidney Prescott. Basically all the times Sidney could've died. Death by the hands of Billy or Stu, by Mickey's hand, Nancy Loomis having her revenge, Roman's revenge or Jill getting away with it, Richie succeeding and finishing his movie or the Kirsch family killing everyone in New York and hunting down SIdney and killing her and her family like they threatened in the original script

What if Sidney appeared in Scream 6. Sidney had bits and pieces in the original script. A conversation with Gale and Bailey's plans on what he wanted to do to Sidney. So if Sidney did appear, I think Sidney would've came to the rescue and wound Bailey while Sam finishes the job. That's the best I could come up with

What if Tara and Amber were Ghostfaces and girlfriends. Tara's motive would be Sam left her. Her father left her. Her mother is a drunken whore and Wes was obsessed with her and the only guy she liked was stolen from her. Her life was shit and it started the moment that Sam left her. Amber was Tara's girlfriend and helped Tara with her revenge on Sam, her friends and the whole shitty hand life dealt her. But most importantly Tara just wanted Sam's love and to be apart of her life and if becoming a killer is the only way she can be close to Billy Loomis' daughter, so be it.

What if Nancy raised Sam

What if VInce Schneider was the killer instead of Richie?

What if Sidney was the killer. What if Sidney was tired of her mom being the town pariah and took matters into her own hands. She finds Maureen already dying due to her wounds at the hands of Billy. But Sidney finishes the job. When Billy thinks he's about to kill SIdney, she reveals the truth and all he can do is smile. "We're like Mickey and Mallory" When Gale thinks she's saving Sidney, Sidney kills her and then kills Stu and paints him as the killer. Billy and Sidney get away with it. Sidney kills Christina and they raise Sam together.

What if Stu is really alive and the mastermind behind the new trilogy trilogy. Okay I don't buy into this shit, but let's say for arguement sake. Stu survived. He was taken to prison and was about to be executed, only one day, another Ghostface killing spree happens and Stu pulls a Ted Bundy and decides to help because he was Ghostface and would help catch them. This goes on to Ghostfaces to ordinary murderers. And one day. Stu gets out. He develops a masterplan. Indoctrinate today's youth and turn them into a Ghostface cult. Richie would be his figurehead while he manipulates from the shadows. However one day he just HAS to act. It's Stu who kills Dewey. "It's been an honor." He decides to let Richie's family have some fun. But Scream 7 is where Stu reveals himself and his cult. His partner in this? His sister Leslie, Leslie is only in it to avenge her son, whom she blames Sam and Tara for Amber's actions. Making coordinated attacks to kill those close to the Core 4, Gale, Kirby and Sidney. When Sidney is out in the open, that's when Stu will strike.

[hedwig221b]

sterek. hs party. outsider's angsty pov

Paige hated parties.

Suddenly she heard a loud and familiar voice.

“Oh, look, here’s the champion of the night!”

Fucking Stilinski. Still in Derek’s jacket.

Apparently, Derek had reached them and now with Erica on one hand and Stilinski on another, he was kissed by both of them on his cheeks rather enthusiastically. The crowd greeted the team captain with whoops and roars and squealing.

Derek was smiling bright and wide. It was truly a breathtaking sight.

Reyes had finally let him go and was now busy hanging off of Boyd. Stilinski had decided that it gave him the free reign over Derek, so he promptly jumped on his back, tucked his face close to Derek’s, so they were cheek to cheek and demanded to be piggy-backed to the drink’s table.

It was pathetically obvious, that Derek was used to this behavior. He rolled his eyes and brought his hands under Stilinski’s thighs to keep him from falling. They were talking about something, but the music was too loud for Paige to hear what it was about.

She convinced herself she didn’t care.

Paige spent the entire evening being a stalker. She was aware of her creepy behavior, but it’s not like anybody noticed her standing in a quiet corner. The desire to eat was never there since the beginning of the game, so she was holding her room-temperature Coke and tried to blend with the wall.

Derek and Stilinski were inseparable the entire evening. Who would’ve guessed.

They sneaked a little bit of alcohol in their drinks, which Paige disapproved of, so they were even more disgusting with each other, than usual. Well, Stilinski was disgusting, Derek was just tolerating his presence, for sure. Stilinski was a clingy mouthy brat, who had apparently glued his hands to Derek’s waist. Derek didn’t have any choice, really, but to put his arm around Stiles.

It was all Stilinski’s fault.

Paige didn’t like how Stiles looked at her boyfriend, with big eyes full of proud fondness. His laugh was loud, boisterous and contagious to all people around him. When Stiles stumbled, Derek was always there to catch him, which made Stiles giggle and cling to him even more.

Paige wanted to cry, but she knew she couldn’t. That would be beyond humiliating.

Then someone suggested a game of Spin the Bottle. And in typical jock fashion the captain was wrestled into participating immediately.

So, of course, Stilinski was brought along with him.

No. No, no, no.

Enough.

Paige unstuck herself from the wall and started to squeeze through the crowd to get to the center of the living room, where the players were sitting. But there were so many people, burly and strong and she was a rather small girl, so the whole ordeal took her awhile.

When she had finally burst through the first row of eager spectators, the game was already on.

Erica was peppering kisses all over Lahey’s cherubic face, which was puckered and wrinkled from disgust, and also bright pink from Erica’s lipstick.

“Ew-w, Erica, you’re like my fucking sister, sto—“ he didn’t get to finish the sentence, because Erica smacked a wet kiss right on his lips.

Isaac’s horrified wail was buried under the guffaws and roaring laughter.

Next rounds were spent in a similar way; Jackson absolutely refused to kiss Danny, which made Lydia Martin clip him round the ear; the girl then proceeded to kiss Danny herself, which left Jackson pink-faced and thoroughly confused.

Heather got to kiss Stilinski, but was so flustered and shy, she mastered only a dry peck in the corner of his mouth, before going red like a beetroot.

Everybody refused to kiss Greenburg, who was then quickly kicked out of the game.

Then Stilinski took the bottle and spun it with a cheeky grin.

Paige closed her eyes and prayed.

Suddenly there was a roar from the crowd along with hoots and catcalling.

“I want your luck, Stilinski!”

“Get your fucking man!”

“Don’t chicken out now, Hale!”

Horrified and close to bursting into tears, Paige opened her eyes. The bottle was pointing at Derek. She lifted her gaze at her boyfriend.

He was sitting there, looking at Stiles with such intensity and a smug smile, like the cat who got the cream.

“Come here, Hale,” Stilinski lifted an eyebrow and beckoned him with one finger, biting his lip.

“No, you come here,” Derek smiled predatorily. Stiles rolled his eyes, despite the impish grin on his lips.

“As you wish, my champion.”

“Oh, this is gonna be so hot,” Danny announced dreamily and a lot of people nodded in agreement.

Paige didn’t want to witness this, but couldn’t turn away from the trainwreck.

Stiles crawled seductively in Derek’s lap, took his face in his hands and kissed him right on the lips.

The crowd went absolutely wild.

But those two didn’t stop.

Derek put his hands on Stiles’ trim waist, not to push him away, but to pull him in even more. Their kiss, which was never innocent in the first place, turned into an open-mouthed one and even dirtier, as if encouraged by the supporting crowd.

“Somebody, spray them with a water bottle!” Jackson complained.

Stiles took one hand from Derek’s face and gave him a middle finger.

“Don’t pretend you’re not enjoying the show, Jacks,” Danny teased him. “This is a prime spank bank material, right there.”

Finally, the kiss has ended.

The boys were breathing heavily, apparently in no rush to separate from one another. They didn’t seem to notice the claps or the cheers or anyone from the roaring crowd. They stared at each other with something deep reflecting in both their gazes. Stiles’ smile soon turned into breathless giggles the longer he stared at Derek. He closed his eyes and, still giggling uncontrollably, put his hands around Derek’s shoulders to tuck his blushing face against his neck. Derek caressed his back almost reverently up and down and sighed in Stiles’ hair with a self-satisfied smile.

Nobody noticed their little touches and gazes. Or, maybe, they were used to it. Or is that how it is with jocks? All the pent-up energy spilled into homoerotic displays of affection?

Maybe they were just drunk.

Drunk, stupid boys.

Paige couldn’t watch them anymore, or she’ll be sick.

She turned around and headed for the exit through the crowd with doubled vigor.

“Hale’s turn!”

“Spin it!”

Paige started pushing people aside in a hurry.

“NO WAY!”

“Again! That’s not fair!”

“Stilinski, you’re one lucky motherfucker.”

This was a nightmare.

“HALE! HALE! HALE!”

Paige stumbled out of the house, feeling something wet slide down her cheek.

The triumphant roar of the crowd made her flinch and walk away faster.

Read full version on ao3

[tw-episodereactions]

Teen Wolf 1x02

Aaaand we start off with shirtless boy again.

Out of curiosity, why is Stiles not freaked out about Scott playing lacrosse, which would also raise his heart rate? Is it specifically a night of the full moon thing?

Well clearly it’s not just a full moon thing.

So the first time his eyes change it’s to comfort the dog. The second time is because he’s afraid for Allison. It’s the third eye change and now it’s about anger. But even when it’s about anger, he was already feeling a lot of emotions because of Mr. Argent.

It’s just interesting to me that they waited so long to show us Scott’s anger making him shift when it was like the first thing Stiles mentioned when he finally decided Scott was a werewolf. He’s a teenage boy under a lot of pressure, but it’s been at least a week.

I guess technically he clawed up Stiles’ chair, but even then his eyes didn’t change. I don’t know why I find his eyes a more significant part of the change than anything else, but I do. Maybe because that’s how he’s literally seeing the world.

Oh great. Derek McFuckface being both useless and creepy.

Huh, so, like, was it like a rage blackout? Why didn’t he remember this time when he remembered what happened with fuckstick in the woods?

Oh man, this poor kid. He just wanted to play. That was like the first thing we learned about him. Instead he gets all that trauma from the attack, from his first transformation, from Derek & the hunters. And now the one thing he wanted is getting taken away too.

Hey, is his mom actually a doctor/nurse? Maybe he did have all that bandage stuff at home.

So they have money problems, and it’s not just Scott working for extra cash. Pretty nice house for having money problems, but honestly compared to the other houses we’ve seen it’s basically a shack.

I wonder how long he’s been working at the vet? Probably a while, right if they’ve let him be there by himself.

Wait, did we ever figure out how old these kids were supposed to be? Jackson and Allison seem older than Scott, Stiles, and Lydia, but Allison is in Scott’s class, so maybe her schooling is all messed up because they moved around so much?

Lol, oh my god, Scott. This scene between him and his mother is hilarious. Also, where’s his dad? I assume he’s not in the picture.

Oh goody, violent stalker Derek is back. Is it just violence this time or violence and manipulation? Or maybe you’re going to say he should be grateful again, you dogshit excuse for a person.

Even better! Threats of murder! This guy is the absolute worst. Hey, let’s violently attack this kid and turn him into a nightmare monster with no support or instruction, then attack him again for no reason and show him how people are hunting him by getting him shot, and then try to like trauma bond with him and tell him he should be grateful about it, and then threaten to kill him after you’ve given him absolutely nothing but abuse?!?!?! 

Umm, like, perhaps this ginormous waste of space should be hunted down like a feral animal.

The first time Scott tries to get away without explaining anything it works, but it’s definitely not working for him this episode. Fake an injury, kid. Not sure how he’d do that with his mom being some sort of medical person, but he could give it a shot.

Okay, so who the fuck is that? If it was creepy Derek they would have shown him, so it’s gotta be another werewolf. Who is also creepy.

Fellas, are all the werewolves but Scott going to be evil in this? Maybe we’re going back to Kafka and the whole being treated as monstrous leads you into becoming a monster and Scott with his sweet heart and slowness to anger having to fight against that. Which is a little bit heartbreaking.

On the one hand, Scott was being weird and intense. On the other, I’d’ve been a little weirded out about the whole Derek thing if I were her. Because she only went with him because he said he was Scott’s friend but now Scott’s saying that’s not true and if she thought about it for a hot second she’d probably remember she was wearing the jacket in Derek’s car.

Lol, okay, so Scott can be impulsive too, I guess. Sure, go straight toward the guy who threatened to kill you because he also might be a threat to Allison.

“You don’t get it, but I’m looking out for you,” says the guy who literally threatened to murder him the day before.

Also, he’s not fucking looking out for Scott, he’s looking out for himself. “If they find out about you, they find out about me,” is exactly what he said. He doesn’t give a shit about Scott.

It’s clear he’s been stalking more than just Scott too.

This bitch. I cannot tell you how much I loathe this guy. On the plus side, it’s clear that Smugface Shitboy thinks he’s in the right, and that’s always the best kind of villain.

I do like how proactive Scott is being about this. Like, he’s working the problem. Maybe not elegantly- or even effectively at this moment - but he’s not letting his trauma or fear stop him from trying to live his life.

So Morgue was not my first thought here. What the hell, kid.

Stiles is being way less creepy this episode. Also, way less mean to Scott. I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I have big feelings about athletes pushing themselves through injury, specifically high school and college athletes doing that, so Lydia is officially on my shit list.

The scent was the same?! I shall not call bullshit because this is a supernatural show, but with all the scents in a hospital morgue and how new he is at this it’s a little suspect.

Also, not to give Fuckface any credit, but burying the body doesn’t make him a murderer, he could just be creepy. I mean, I get where Scott’s coming from with the whole dead body plus he literally threatened to murder Scott so I wouldn’t put it past him, I’m just saying it’s not conclusive. This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t throw the law at him though. Maybe the cops can actually be useful for something.

You know what? I like that they clarified that Scott isn’t just doing this because of the game. Like, even without that him throwing the cops at Derek is totally justified, but Scott’s not going along with Stiles being giddy about body parts anymore, she’s officially become a person in his eyes who was violently attacked just like he was.

Bad call, boys, you’re disturbing evidence.

Scott, I’m sorry, you were expecting Stiles to actually have a good plan? That doesn’t seem like him at all.

Lol, I was going to laugh at the incongruity of one single, perfect flower, but I guess it was like that on purpose.

Scott looks sad when they’re taking Fuckface out in cuffs. Again, it just hammers home that she wasn’t just body parts, she was a person and now he knows that she was a werewolf like him. Like, was she stalked and threatened by Fuckface too? Was she traumatized and afraid for her life like Scott has been? Was she trying to protect people too?

Oh, man. Poor impulse control Stiles strikes again. And Scott’s freaking out because he knows Fuckface has been stalking Stiles already.

Okay, so once again, Fuckface doesn’t really seem to care that Scott might hurt someone, or even that Scott might get hurt, he only cares about their secret getting out. Maybe this is some sort of weird game he and the other werewolf play: one of them violently turns someone, the other toys with the victim and manipulates them, and then they kill them together before their secret can be revealed, each of them getting a piece.

See, the problem with Stiles is that half the time his dipshit plans work out so he gets overconfident and comes up with more dipshit plans.

Uh, something is wrong here. Why does Scott look like he’s fighting off sleep?

Oh, okay, he’s fighting off wolfsbane poisoning maybe? That took a while actually. One presumes Stiles had it with them the whole time he drove Scott home the night before, then picked him up the next day and is now driving him back again.

Oh that’s not good.

Scott? What are you doing, buddy?

Obligatory frightened by his own reflection scene.

Scott! Perfect opportunity to pretend injury and not play in the game! Use this!

Ugh! Terrible wasted opportunity. He’s not any better than Stiles at thinking on his feet. Does usually plan better though.

Lol at him apologizing for getting run over.

Oh, poor baby. It’s like he traded one chronic illness for another, and he’s used to having to accommodate for asthma, but lycanthropy comes with a whole new set of accommodations that’s he’s got to learn because it’s also life or death.

Stiles, bud. Not helping. Negative helping.

So Lydia will manipulate and threaten Scott to win, but when he scores she’s all begrudging about clapping? That seems off. Like, she clapped when Scott was awesome during trying outs to tweak Jackson’s competitiveness, but not during a game they were losing? Inconsistent characterization right there.

Allison just walking into the locker room like nbd. And then walking into the showers.

Boy you just calmed yourself down!

Stiles, stop being creepy. But he is trying to be a good bro.

Laura Hale neatly severed. Yeah, it’s totally an animal attack. It being his sister actually makes Fuckface look more creepy somehow.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN. The holes in the gloves would have had more impact if Stiles hadn’t bitten through the tips of his own gloves like three times in that game.

Fuckface has spotted another victim! This one’s as much of a douche as him!

[sterekchub]

Day 6: Kinktober

Prompt: Stripping Chris/chubby!Derek An idea Kal and I were talking through- so this is not a full written prompt The strip club used to be an infrequent indulgence for Chris Argent. Every so often, he would leave Beacon Hills, withdraw a sizeable amount of cash, and take the twenty- minute drive to Alpha, the strip club in the next town over. He would order a bourbon, settle himself down in a chair towards the back, and spend the night appreciating the views. The dancers on stage were familiar – their dances decent, but not memorable. Until a new dancer walked on stage, wearing a black latex pup hood, hiding his identity. He was more muscular than some of the other lithe men on stage before him but not nearly as confident. The man kept pausing mid song to look around, like he was checking to see reactions to his dance, and tentatively moved around the tables as people slid bills into his leather shorts. Chris casually extended a hand, $100 bill between two fingers, waiting for the dancer to make his way over. It was hard to see under the mask, but Chris could swear a look of confusion cross his face, before sliding the cash from Chris’ hands. Chris had never seen a stripper act so shy and he was immediately intrigued. He had to have him.    He started going to the club nightly. A week and several bribes later he had a name. Derek Hale. **** “How much for a private dance?” “A hundred.” Chris handed him five times that.  “I don’t like to share.”  “Private Dance?”  “Not tonight. I want everyone to appreciate you.”  Flusters and blushes all the way down to his chest when Chris gropes him. Uses his creepy stalker hunter skills to find out what Derek's real identity is and slowly romances him outside of work. Derek outside the club is about the same, quiet, grumpy, and secretly just an affectionate puppy.  And Derek is very, very eager and willing to show off for Chris, and be wooed with lots of nice dinners out. Drinks a little too much, eats too much, and stumbles on stage a bit more often, but Chris always pays him the same and grins like it's the best act he's seen. Feeding him up until he's beefy, then stocky, and then he grabs a love handle mid dance and lets Derek know exactly who's lap he's in. Derek up on stage and Chris paying constantly for dances and knows he wants Derek to be his new pet...and wants to see Derek up on stage with Chris' collar on, trying to dance with a wide belly that shows off how well he's being taken care of and fed. Chris keeps it up though, stuffing him weekly and watching those little outfits disintegrate onstage. It's almost his tightly habit- Chris comes to watch him dance, pulls him to a private room to stuff him...then goes back out to watch Derek's next set. Poor Derek has enough time to get himself off thinking about a future with Chris - Derek too big to fit in his lap, still being stuffed silly while Chris needs both hands to take handfuls of all his fat. Tries to squeeze back into another outfit the best he can, maybe rub his belly to try and ease the fullness...or go into his locker and chug down as much as he can, make sure he looks as big as possible for his favorite customer... And then waddles back on stage, knowing Chris will be in the front row watching. He sits down heavily in his lap and Chris actively guides a hefty bite of cake into his mouth, and maybe squeezes that bubble butt. Chris wants him to make sure that little outfit isn't going to fit for tomorrow night's performance. Derek's going to finish that cake, being squeezed and teased until it's gone, and until Chris can feel Derek's gut pressing against him Derek is running out of new outfits, stripper outfits only come in sizes so big...and Chris seems to stuff him more after he's gone on stage in an outfit that is barely holding together.   Chris dropping him off backstage after dinner and he's struggle to pull on anything, small pile next to him of clothes that don't fit at all, until he finds one that fits over his new pudge and his bloated belly. Gets up on stage trying to keep his middle sucked in....but he's soon out of breathe, exhales to deeply and hear something rip.    Swollen and full, he wobbles backstage to groan and moan over his gut, and maybe sneak a little personal time. Chris pulling him aside and whispering all sorts of filth in his ear about how big his boy is getting, how tight everything looks. Plays with his favorite parts of Derek, and then leaves him worked up and full. Derek can barely focus on dancing, ends up just sort of writhing and squirming against Chris. All he can think about is what Chris is telling him, focus on  his hands pinching and squeezing and slapping as he talks about how much bigger those love handles are going to get, how round those ass cheeks are getting in those obscenely tight pants...and how his boy is going to start getting too big to dance on that pole... 

[hepaidattention]

the crazy things that have happened in One Tree Hill and I'm only in s4:

1) Brooke and Lucas got together twice. Like I'm serious that shocked me, he cheated on you honey. and then they got back together and she just lost feelings??? made no sense, the girl was very in love with him and then no love at all? confusion

2) Peyton literally trying to steal Brooke's (her best friend) boyfriend whom she loved not once, but twice

3) just the entire plot about Lucas and Nathan's dad literally just disowning Lucas despite him living in the same small town??? this baffles me like what. AND THEN the man tries to have a relationship with Lucas and Lucas literally just accepts so he can ruins his life I mean wow

4) how that man was elected mayor like how

5) Lucas's uncle literally raising him, his brother/Lucas's dad still living in the same town, and never once trying to be in Lucas's life until he was good at basketball

6) Lucas and Nathan pretending they didn't exist for like 15 years???? if I had a brother I'd say screw you dad I want a brother okay? like thank god they're close now but I would not have wasted so many years tormenting each other no ma'am

7) ummmm how about Keith being murdered by his own brother because his brother thought he tried to kill him but it was actually his ex wife

8) oh yeah right Nathan's mom attempting to murder his dad but failed cuz LUCAS saved that man's life and for what??? we all wanted him dead Lucas why do this to us

9) yes almost forgot Lucas having a heart condition that could kill him and his dad was just like 🤷🏻‍♀️ guess you're just gonna die because I won't pay for your meds anymore. and then Lucas stopped taking them so he could be better at BASKETBALL. what.

10) everyone determined that basketball will heal everything in that show and that its a supernatural gift or something

11) Peyton being an idiot and telling the world she has a brother named Derek even after seasons of her getting creepy stalker messages, and then proceeding to let a random guy into her life without any look into his history to make sure he was telling the truth, and then said guy attempting to murder her

12) lol Peyton having two dead moms and a half brother yet her adopted dad is never around for absolutely no reason??? the girl lives in that house all alone and honestly I never even see her in any other part of the house is there even furniture

13) everything with Josh like????? what? I never understood why they they wouldn't do like joint custody with the mother it made absolutely no sense and he just made life really hard for himself

14) where the hell are Brooke and Peytons parents???? this is illegal at this point like actual neglect

15) oh yeah um Nathan and Haley getting married at like 16 just because they could and Haleys parents just allowing it so they could go backpack around the world??? I'm sorry??

16) Haley getting an offer for a solo tour? at 16? with subpar music? and going on tour at 16 without even a guardian was legal somehow??? I guess once married you count as an independent but that girl was 100% still a child and how did she even get discovered in their small town with only one to two performances how

17) Nathan and Lucas have almost died too many times to count. Once you've been in not one, not two, but three car wrecks that almost killed you combined I just wouldn't drive anymore personally

18) the whole shooting that happened was crazy, especially how Peyton was technically the only one injured like the odds are pretty wild but the writers clearly hate her so

19) Brooke just teaching herself how to sew without even YouTube videos to help her, just all on her own, and then suddenly just making it big and selling clothes left and right.

that's all for now. will likely be continued because this shows on drugs I swear

[salty-fryingpan]

The sterek fic with creepy stalker Derek told from Scott's pov that I'm writing about to go crazy I am so excited

[jjsstars]

♡ Event Masterlist ♡ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Teen Wolf

Scott Appreciation Week 23:

day 1 : you’re an omega, ficlet/moodboard - set sometime in s1-s2, angst, mentions of alison/scott

day 2 : scott & parental figures, ficlet/moodboard - bad parent rafael, angst, mentions of alcoholism, scott remembers what happend the night rafael left, mentions of isaac/alison, re-write of a few canon scenes from when rafael first appears, good parent melissa

day 3 : healing/processing, ficlet/moodboard - minor blood & injury, hurt comfort

day 4 : identify, ficlet/moodboard - ft. biromantic, asexual, genderqueer, he/she pronouns scott, scott buying a bra, that’s the whole thing, scria (nb kira but it’s not specifically stated just implied)

day 5 : canon divergence, scott/kira, ficlet/moodboard - set after season 4 finale, scott/kira, hurt/comfort(?)

day 6 : rage, ficlet/moodboard - set pre-series, bad parent rafael, mentions of bullies & alcoholism

day 7 : dealers choice, scott/allison, ficlet/moodboard - grief/mourning, mentions of past alison/scott & alison’s death, set between s5e8 & s5e9

Rarepair Week 23:

day 1 : pre-canon, stiles/allison, ficlet/moodboard - first meet, hurt/comfort, minor injuries, implied/referenced child abuse, spoiler alert that’s not what really happened but allison doesn’t know that yet

day 2 : season 1, lydia/scott, ficlet/moodboard - alternative universe, mechanic!scott, bartender!lydia, underage drinking/working at a bar, creepy guys, protective scott mccall, slight angst, confessions, first kiss, somehow set in the summer but also s1 idk

day 3 : soulmate au, lydia/scott/cora, ficlet/moodboard - soulmates au, bartender!lydia, mechanic!scott, set after canon

day 4 : only one bed, malia/theo, ficlet/moodboard - hurt/comfort, post canon, full shift malia, full shift theo

day 5 : season 4, kira & mason, ficlet/moodboard - hurt/comfort, identity issues

day 6 : season 3, malia & derek, ficlet/moodboard - hurt/comfort, malia getting overwhelmed, derek is malias brother (even if that’s not how family trees work)

day 7 : post-canon, kira/derek, ficlet/moodboard - marriage proposal, professor!kira (it’s just background)

day 8 : kira/allison fanart

Lydia Appreciation Week 23:

day 1 : lydia & power, ficlet/moodboard

day 2 : favorite relationships, ficlet/moodboard - lydia/scott, drinking, post canon, first kisses

day 3 : what-if-wednesday, ficlet/moodboard - lydia/theo/allison, smoking weed, swearing

day 4 : song lyrics/moodboard

day 5 : lydia & death, ficlet/moodboard - lydia/aiden

day 6 : lydia & enemies, ficlet/moodboard - lydia/theo, first kisses

day 7 : free day, photographer!allison x model!lydia moodboard/ficlet

Sciles Week 23:

day 1 : winter, ficlet/moodboard - post-canon, stiles/scott, they live in chicago, fluffy romance + hot chocolate, scott is hopelessly in love

day 2 : summer, ficlet/moodboard - trans fem!scott, established stiles/scott, background kira/malia, slight angst, talk of scott’s transition

day 3 : repercussions, ficlet/moodboard - hurt no comfort, set season 5, crying

day 4 : first meeting, ficlet/moodboard

day 5 : free day, moodboard/song lyrics

day 6 : game night, ficlet/moodboard

day 7 : halloween, ficlet/moodboard - background malia/theo

Rarepair Halloween Event:

angels & demons : hayden/theo, ficlet/moodboard - angel!hayden, demon!theo, Clark is missing, demons have fangs & glowing eyes bc I said so, same with angels being able to see peoples souls

stalker : allison/theo/hayden, ficlet/moodboard - stalker!allison, stalker!theo, unknowing hayden, overall dark themes

nightmare : cora/theo/liam, ficlet/moodboard - hurt/comfort, hurt theo, season 5&6 mentions, mention of liam & cora working at the hospital

vampire slayers : kira/theo, ficlet/moodboard - they’re rich & snobby <3

slasher flick : erica/theo/hayden, moodboard

scooby gang : hayden/theo/liam/mason/corey moodboards - they’re in a polycule but hayden is only dating theo & liam

knife : allison/theo/liam, moodboard/ficlet - nsfw, knife play, blood, dark themes

Kira Appreciation Week 23:

day 1 : kitsune attributes, ficlet/moodboard - kira’s able to full shift to fox form but can also halfway shift like the werewolves do, pet names, kira & theo, the puppy pack, scott

day 2 : lyrics + album, moodboard

day 3 : colors [warm tones], moodboard

day 4 : childhood, kira/allison, ficlet/moodboard - canon divergence, they’re both 14, childhood crushes, love confessions & first kisses

day 5 : what if wednesday, moodboard

day 6 : nerd!kira, ficlet/moodboard

day 7 : it’s alright to cry, moodboard

Thiam Appreciation Week 23:

day 1 : liam’s parents, ficlet - theo meeting liam’s parents for the first time, background mason/corey, liam’s step dad knows about the supernatural but I can’t remember if that’s canon or not — this is lowkey a crack fic —

day 2 : nightmares, ficlet/moodboard - post canon, talk of arguments, mentions of canon events, swearing, angst

day 3 : moment of realization, ficlet - love confessions, swearing, post canon, mentions of canon events

day 4 : angst, ficlet/moodboard - hurt no comfort, post-canon, mentions of canon events

day 5 : the pack, ficlet - lowkey stiles bashing but it’s more him just being a dick yk, references to liam’s parents not being supportive of him being bi (nothing graphic)

day 6 : a song that describes them, moodboard

day 7 : dealers choice, fem thiam, moodboard

Rarepair Character of the Month 2024 Event:

scott & erica : ficlet/moodboard - trans fem scott, trans fem erica, he/him pronouns for scott, coming out, conversations about being trans/scott figuring herself out, erica’s deadname is mentioned but she’s the one saying it

scott/hayden : ficlet - nsfw, scott gave hayden the bite, alive hayden, set sometime after season 5, she calls him alpha. yeah i finally wrote that trope. Mmmm idk how to feel

scott & hayden : ficlet/moodboard - grunge sleaze foster sibling au, background scott/theo & hayden/kira, scott isn’t biologically melissas

stiles/theo/cora : moodboard

Stranger Things

Stancy Week 24:

day 3 : badass couple, ficlet/moodboard - post-canon, college students Steve & Nancy, drinking, swearing

day 4 : moment you knew they were your otp, moodboard

day 5 : tender & sweet, moodboard

day 6 : au’s, ficlet/moodboard - college au! + engaged au!

[bdbdhdjdhdh]

My Hero PSLE: S4E9 "WAKUASIMI"

"Of course, he's even perfectly capable of finshing off my...?" "DEREK!"

-Derek

"Ok, omg for the third time we're back in this tod-and-ranson ass place, I swear to god w-" Kiefer complaining again.

"Ok ok ok lessgo, boss!" Tempest reminded him after Grandmaster boom boom bakudaned and short-circuited the robots.

But then they forgot about one major thing. Even with masks on, these bastardly brainwashed citizens are still going to recognise them somehow.

But that's precisely what they need. Well basically their plan was to distract the Heavenly Lord with their traitor presence, then while he's busy with the "uglies", someone sneaks into his palace, finds the medicine, and then peaces out leaving the distractor there on his own to fend for himself

So the gang quickly gathered in the remote corners of the backyard of a lady like some creepy old stalker, and then the animal-faces briefed them on the plan, and handed them walkie-talkies.

"Ok so these will basically help us to communicate with ya'll and give you instructions on what to do," Unicorn-face said.

"Wait you're not coming with us? Like to do the actual operation?" Tempest asked.

"What, no, I'm supervising and giving you moral support,"

"GRANDMASTER PLEASE JUST USE REALITY WARPING POWER I DON WANNA DO THIS"

"Like I said, my powers don't work with gods, and god indeed, the entire castle is god-protected and foolproofed, ok, not my fault,"

"Ok ok fine, whatever, I guess it's time for me, Zhi Hua, Juqla, boss and Six to go distract them, like the more the merrier, right?" *Tempest's most sarcastic tone ever*

*aforementioned few check that their walkie-talkies are working, then head out to lure out Heavenly Lord*

"HEY EVERYONE ESPECIALLY HEAVENLY LORD IT IS US, THE TRAITORS AND UGLIES! YES YES YES COME AND CATCH US!"

*Heavenly Lord and COM actually come*

*again, big crowd forms as Heavenly Lord comes to punish the "uglies"*

The following scenes that play out shall now be written in play mode:

Unicorn-face: Ok yes very good! Now just stall them for as long as possible, while the other team goes to steal the medicine! *in a softer voice* ok ok now go, go steal the thing, be careful not to get caught ah!

Xiao Ming: Time to go and commit Mission Impossible!

Heavenly Lord: *menacingly stares down and breathes down necks of "uglies" I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME BACK AGAIN!

Wolf-face: *muttering under breath into walkie-talkie* Respectfully sir, you didn't and never had time for that.

*Heavenly Lord immediately glares at random space on the wall*

Heavenly Lord: UGH.

Unicorn-face: Wait something's wrong. Something is terribly wrong.

*Xiao Ming and gang who just reached the castle entrance trying to find a way to get in without triggering the guards*

Xiao Ming: Uh oh. I don't like the sound of that.

*stealing medicine team ducks into an uncut bush and hides there while awaiting instructions*

Unicorn-face: Yep. You know, Heavenly Lord and COM have tapped into our media frequency and are completely capable of hearing our conversations SHIT! Well we can't just make another one, so...Traitor and ugly team stay QUIET! DO NOT RESPOND TO MY CALLS! INFILTRATION TEAM DO YOU COPY?

*by this time Heavenly Lord and COM got themselves a chair to get comfortable while they listen to the conversations like some movie liddat*

Xiao Ming: Infiltration team here! If I may, I have a suggestion to offer that will bypass Heavenly Lord hearing us!

Unicorn-face: Go ahead, Black Rainbow!

Xiao Ming: What kind of code-name is that bruh...but anyway, I have noticed that due to the dystopian upbringing, all the citizens speak perfect queen's English! And therefore I conclude that we should switch to Singlish as they will not understand us!

Unicorn-face: Ah, that is a great idea, Black Rainbow! Ok! Singlish mode everyone! Also you're called Black Rainbow cos like a rainbow, you're not straight, and you're also bla-

Xiao Ming: HAO LOH! Unicorn-face, 帮我把那些 chao ang moh robot 给我滚!

Grandmaster: Aiya I already dong them liao, your kacheng safe liao, I always cover one!

*At this point Heavenly Lord is visibly confused*

Xiao Ming: Ok! Going to parliament cabinet house liao, go in then tell you lah!

Unicorn-face: EY CHAO NI MA DE! ANG MOH ROBOT AT LOK KOM, YAO LAI LIAO!

Xiao Ming: Ey walao why you never faster say! Lucky I cong ming, know how do thing one! Ey, we there liao, that drug drug like what ah?

Wolf-face: Look like a kar zhua kena cher scolding cos wearing too obiang shirt then kena mati by kopi uncle!

Xiao Ming: Ok found it! It look like kopi kosong right?

Crow-face: Yeah yeah yeah yeah liddat one! Ok you faster faster run away, you don't gabra ah!

Xiao Ming: Ey but the Singlish mode got good one leh! Big chao ang moh like catch no ball liddat!

Crow-face: You don't ya ya papaya first, haven't win yet!

Dragon-face: OH, JIALAT! ALAMAK! ROBOT GONNA MATI KIEFER LIAO!

Crow-face: EY YOU NEVER FASTER TELL ME THEN YOU THINK WHAT? I SUPERMAN AH? Aiya, I got good idea, so later we all go and 装要 mati them, but then actually we mati Six and Tempest, and then they will blur liao, and then we can tau pok them steady pom pi pi!

Xiao Ming: Ok! Copy!

*they all rush to carry out emergency plan*

All: STEADY POM PI PI! TAU POKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

*then after retrieving the medicine and running away safely, they complete their mission successfully*

*confused Heavenly Lord and COM still catch no ball*

"STEADY POM PI PI! TAU POKKKKKKK!!!!!"

[niallloverontheloose]

'True Alpha' My Ass

You know, it would be nice to see more “Scott Gets Kicked Out of The Pack”  fics where it happens for reasons that match up with actual canon, AKA that Scott McCall is a toxic, abusive asshole and no one wants him around except maybe Stiles, because abusive friendships are hard to end.

"Scott McCall gets kicked out of the pack”  fic but he gets kicked out for any combination of the following canon reasons:

- stalking Allison 

- harassing Allison

- forcing Allison to go out with her stalker just to get Alison's mom off his back 

- patronising Allison and yelling at her in the middle of a crowded club 

- lying to Allison about her mother's death 

- trying to manipulate/emotionally blackmail Allison into getting back with him 

- creeping on Allison in the shower and throwing her against her bedroom's door 

- assaulting Stiles just because he had the audacity to put Allison and innocent people's life, safety and well being above Scott's jealous fits and temper tantrums ("Why are you trying to ruin my perfect life!?" ) 

- making out with Lydia, his rival's girlfriend and the girl his best friend liked, and then painting her as a bitch in heat just to stroke his own fragile ego and prove that he can have any girl he wants now that he's popular 

- using Danny (a gay POC) to get Coach off his back so that he could dance and smooch with Allison at prom 

- violating Derek and then boasting about it in front of his own victim ("Because you may be an Alpha, but you are not mine!" )

- claiming the Hales deserved to be burnt alive by the hunters in front of Derek Hale and his comatose uncle ("They Had A Reason!" ) 

- stealing the Hales' money for himself 

- framing Derek for murder (twice) just so that he can be free to play lacrosse, stalk the new girl on campus and endanger people's life to his heart's content 

- mocking Erica's trauma and epilepsy 

- mocking Isaac and calling him an idiot for wanting the Bite to defend himself from his abusive father 

- assaulting Jackson out of jealousy 

- assaulting Danny during lacrosse practice 

- cheating his way into first line 

- violating other people's boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent whenever it benefits him 

- plotting and conspiring with Gerard Argent behind everyone's back against Derek and his Pack 

- conspiring with Deucalion (Boyd & Erica's murderer) behind everyone's back just to assassinate Tracy and Josh, two innocent chimera victims 

- taking full advantage of his position of power and authority and assaulting Isaac (repeatedly) due to his own pathological jealousy and possessiveness 

- deciding everyone should keep Lydia in the dark about everything for 2 seasons and only telling her anything when they absolutely have to

- Scott's borderline creepy "I know we are going to be together"  speech when Allison wanted to dump his toxic ass 

- throwing Derek, Boyd, Isaac and Erica under the bus every time they were on screen during Season 2

- using, trying to control, belittling, gaslighting, victim blaming and dehumanising Stiles (the neurodivergent hero who kept risking his own life to save Scott's and everyone's ass without ever asking for anything in return) throughout the whole series 

- blackmailing Derek and threatening to leave him in his rapist's clutches unless Derek did exactly what Scott wanted, AKA protect him and Allison and kill Peter on Scott's behalf 

- lying to Kira about her Kitsune and patting Theo on the back for recording his girlfriend sleeping without her consent 

- pimping Kira out to Liam in an attempt to convince Liam to accept him as his alpha 

- saying "I love you"  to Kira and promising her that he would have waited for her and then cheating on Kira with Malia (Kira's best friend and his best friend's ex girlfriend) immediately after 

- keeping Malia’s heritage from her because “Oh no but her dad’s an evil monster! We shouldn’t tell her!”

- lying to everyone and not telling anyone anything and then acting wounded when it backfires on him 

- taking all the credit for his friends' heroic actions and achievements and blaming others for his own failures and mistakes 

- roaring Malia into submission and forcing her to shift back into her human form against her will

- bullying and mind raping Corey

- assaulting Liam and landing him at the hospital just because Liam's much more talented and better than him at lacrosse even without a werewolf upgrade 

- kidnapping and biting Liam without his consent, and then involving Stiles, because Scott can't even clean up after his own mess, or take responsibility for his own shitty actions and behavior 

- using Hayden as bait against the Dread Doctors without her consent 

- trying to emotionally blackmail Malia into helping his whiny ass ("What if I told you that you are the only one I have left?" ) 

- gaslighting Stiles ("You need me!" "You trusted him, too!" ) into sharing the blame for his own failures and mistakes and then forcing Stiles to draw his hideous 'property of twue alpaha Scott McCall' tattoo 

- being a faux moral warrior of the cheapest kind and making others do the dirty work for him because he's scared shitless of losing his precious true alpha title

- being a toxic, abusive friend and an even shittier boyfriend and werewolf 

[hotgirlstiles]

i looove lovelove when derek is some creepy stalker asshole boyish cocky guy like hes so guy