#destruc

[faceenemy]

In the chaos of life, art is the only clarity.

[vesperknight]

Inktober Day 10

Horizon, my Vesper Alula

Goat, my Satyr OC Napaesus

Pumpkin, my beloved Peekaboo!! who is a Spheal+Pumpkaboo | Default also designed by @eggdis (get pinged again idiot)

[snixx]

im starting to believe having ocd, adhd AND ptsd is the actual devil manifesting itself because your intrusive thoughts very well could be real repressed trauma and also you don't have the emotional stability and control over your impulsivity to make sure they don't start affecting your perception of the world or that you don't act on them and please just get me out of here

[samasmith23]

Considering the fact that Makoto & Haru’s special “Showtime” attack is set in a wrestling arena, now all I can think is the two of them fighting against the Ultimate Warrior!

I mean, the Warrior could’ve certainly used a change of heart considering that he was both a homophobic bigot while he was still alive and he wrote one of the most rambling & incoherent comic books ever made (like, it seriously feels like it was written by a literal caveman who was also high on drugs; just watch the Warrior’s old promos if you don’t believe me):

[the-iron-shoulder]

Sickos_yes_yes.jpg

thank you so much!

req'd by @the-iron-shoulder

when you drop a bomb of some description on your sim city?

text: Destrucity

[20genderchild]

look I gotta appreciate anyone keeping the spirit of Kanyon alive but it’s very funny that the guy consistently doing it is the straight roided up freak. thank you Brian Cage I wish you liked vaccines

[basma-ramez]

Save us from the genocide we deserve to live in peace

Hello,

my name is Basma Ramez. I am 25 years old.I write these words from the heart of suffering, destruction, hunger, and poverty in Gaza. My life was beautiful and normal, filled with hope, dreams, and hard work until the war came and destroyed everything.

Before the war, I was studying Sharia and Law at the Islamic University of Gaza. I had many wishes and dreams. I lived a simple but beautiful life and dreamed of a bright future. I never tasted the joy of graduation due to the war and the mass destruction we are enduring. I intended to become a lawyer; that was my dream. My life was beautiful in the embrace of my family, but the war separated us. I haven’t seen my family for months. Now I only want to see them and fulfill my dream.But the war changed everything for the worse. It destroyed my university,

my home was destroyed, and I lost family members. I lost everything and became homeless.

I fled from northern Gaza to the south, thinking it would be a safe place, but there is no safe place in Gaza. Everything around us is destroyed and reduced to rubble. Every day, we live in a nightmare. There is no opportunity for education or work, and I suffer from poverty, displacement, hunger, and homelessness.

I am now seeking an opportunity to live in a safe place outside of Gaza, but this is very costly. I am in urgent need of your support and assistance. I want to provide a better future and a dignified life for myself and my family.

I believe that humanity and compassion still exist, and that there are those who will respond to my anguished voice. Any donation, no matter how small, will have a significant impact on my life. Your contributions will help cover all the costs of travel for me and my parents to live in a safe and stable place, free from hunger, fear, and destruction, allowing us to start a new life full of hope.Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and my family during these difficult times. I believe that goodness still exists and that there are those who share our hope for a better life.Thank you for considering supporting me and my family. I am grateful for any help you can provide.

[a-driftamongopenstars]

alright, i finally finished Dragon Age the Veilguard.

tldr; 3/10. I didn't like it.

If you enjoyed the game and would rather keep enjoying it, please don't click the read more section as what follows is rather critical.

I can finally sit down with my thoughts and put them together in a more cohesive structured review, touching on most things that I wanted to address. I'll start with positives and then focus on the negatives.

Warning, this is VERY long.

Overall, I had a neutral to negative impression of DatV, which got worse by the end of the game. It had some good moments, but they were entirely unexplored and underutilized, suffering from bad writing. While the game itself is rather pretty, it didn't outweigh the dialogues, the stories and the lore butchering that took place.

1. Environment and visuals. 8/10.

I think Veilguard is a very beautiful game. I enjoyed exploring the corners of this new world, the little bits of environment design and storytelling that it had. It felt magical, certain locations were mesmerizing! I couldn't stop staring at the valley where you go to with Harding, the carcass of a titan.

2. Combat. 9/10.

I love flashy combat, I enjoy hack and slash, so until the very end of the game I was having most fun in combat. Yes there was repetitiveness but I tried to combat (hehe) it with changing my abilities and weapons every now and then. I liked combos and I liked timed parries. Enemy tactics got a bit boring by the end, but a few enemies still surprised me and challenged me.

.... That's where positives end. Now on to the negatives.

1. Characters. 2/10.

I don't understand what happened. Almost all the characters in this game were tuned down to a two-dimensional personality, "good" and "bad" - and absolutely no nuance. This happened not only to the villains, but to the different NPCs and even our companions. Their interests got narrowed down to single points of interest (Lucanis and coffee being a prime example to me), their motivations got watered down.

This is not what I expect from a Bioware game. I want to be challenged, I want to dislike characters or approve of their choices. I like characters who are messy and complex and don't always have their shit together.

I like villains who may have other reasons for their choices, other than "ba ha ha, I am so evil and I will do evil things". Where is Alexius who sold himself to the Elder one, just so he could save his beloved son? Where is Samson, forsaken by the Chantry and turned to red lyrium with his addiction? Where is Calpernia, misguided in her choices, just to free the slaves of Tevinter?

Where are the slaves of Tevinter anyway?? That's another topic.

2. Rook. 4/10.

On one hand, I liked playing Rook. They were stoic but with a humorous side, ready to get the job done, compassionate to other people.

The problem is that it's the only Rook you can really play. The protagonist is set in their ways and their dialogues and there is very little to roleplay. Rook really does feel like a gentle manager, trying to get everyone to play along nicely, while providing therapy every now and then, and is excluded from the majority of friendly interactions with other people. That awkward glance everyone gives you after their banter is embarrassing. The way you can third wheel people, the way the game actively offers you to leave a couple of animated conversations between other people - why even include those? Why not make Rook a part of the 'team'?

I did like Rook's dynamic with Solas. They got to see a different side of him, one that's not presented heavily in Inquisition. But like everything else, it felt surface level and underexplored.

3. Story arc. 2/10.

I am left unsatisfied with the story. The pacing threw me off so much nearly every quest, it was hard to stay on track. From "we need to solve this NOW" to "actually, let's all slow down and deal with our problems", the plot's priorities were all over the place. We kept hearing about the gods and their destructive oppression, but we saw surprisingly little of it. Yes, there was the Blight, yes there were Venatori and the Antaam, but they felt more like a video game fodder and dressing rather than a part of the story.

Not to mention that all of those things made little sense to me. Why would the gods align with aforementioned factions? Why would the aforementioned factions align with the elven gods? In-game explanation was not enough for me, it did not make sense. Not with the established lore in the previous games.

I also did not enjoy the ending. While the idea of Solas binding himself to the Veil is good and does make sense, what was suggested as the good ending (inviting Mythal to deal with Solas essentially) actually left me feeling awful. I sent a man, full of regrets and self-loathing, on a lonely journey to figure himself out. That... did not sit right with me at all. Neither did the fact that Northern Thedas, supposedly the point of the gods' attack, gets to live and flourish, while Southern Thedas is dying of starvation and blight. That is UNHINGED to me.

4. Music. 1/10.

There was no music. I remember one track. It was not memorable whatsoever and I can't believe they hired Hans Zimmer to do exactly nothing. Just wow.

5. Lore. ???/10.

And here is the worst offender. What was done with Dragon Age lore is unacceptable. I was doing a head-in-hands every five minutes. This was a slap in the face of so many fans who enjoyed the three prior games and delved into deep, interesting lore of various races, countries, cultures and religions. Veilguard showed a big middle finger to all that.

Everyone has already touched upon the sanitization of different factions. From the suddenly slaveless Tevinter to found family Antivan Crows, everything has been scrubbed clean and made sweet and palatable and "good".

The Dalish clans have been removed from existence as we know them. The Antaam left the Qun? Don't even get me started on that. The Chantry has no influence in this game? Really? The Chantry? The biggest religion in Thedas? The one that we know has heavy presence in the Anderfels, the Black Divine in Tevinter? That Chantry?

I think it really hit me how disrespectful the game is during the quest of saving the Dalish elves, where apparently Elgar'nan's Venatori, uplifted to be his servants and chosen people, were trying to sacrifice them. It's a gross and oddly telling idea that the ancient Elven god turned to a faction of racist mages to sacrifice elven people. I actually can't believe I'm writing this. Just how much are you going to shaft these people? Mindboggling.

There is a lot more I have to say on this specific topic, and I probably will later, but the idea is this.

6. Romances. 2/10.

Whoever said this is a game with romance lied so hard. So hard. The romance was atrocious. From the badly written flirting to the lack of romantic scenes (I romanced Davrin), to the poorly timed and awkward 'final' romance moment... It was atrocious. I felt no connection between Rook and Davrin beyond what game was telling me. My actual companions got more screen time with their romances than me and my LI.

Damn, even Evka and Antoine, my single most beloved NPCs in this game, had more romance going on that my Rook.

---

All in all, Veilguard was a massive let down. After having enjoyed the first 3 games many times over, with multiple playthroughs, I was so excited to see how the story of the Inquisition, of the elves, would end. When I saw the first trailer for VG, I knew I would never get to see it. When I played the game, I was left with disappointment and disdain.

I'm glad there are people who enjoyed this game, genuinely. I'm sure there's something to find for anyone, but it was not for me. Nor was it for many other people. It was a let down. I feel like I'll never get the conclusion I wanted - so I'll have to write my own I guess.

I have more thoughts on this game that I might be sharing, but for now this is the review I wanted to write. Thanks for reading!

[thewretched1999]

── .✦ have my heart.

cw: established relationship, angst, brief mentions of violence/blood/gore, implied past sui ideation. a/n: first somewhat long fic of mine!!! ive had it sitting there and was trying to finish it all morning so happy i did! ty in advance for reading :3 wc: 3k

Time has a way of passing by quietly, leaving only small hints that it’s slipping through your fingers, going unnoticed until suddenly what was once clean and shining is now caked with dust and riddled with cobwebs.

Yet Leon’s items remain spotless as ever.

It’s become routine by now, even if the rest of the house is in disarray, his office is spotless. As much as it pains you to step foot inside and wipe his desk down at least once a week, it’s the only thing you can bring yourself to actually clean. If only to be surrounded by memories.

Photos, trinkets and files adorn the room, the bottle of whiskey you gifted him for his birthday sits near his computer, the glass shot waiting patiently like you for him to return. The landline on his desk beeps red with voicemails from friends, you checked the first few a couple months ago. Even they don’t know what’s going on.

You knew that if something ever happened to him, and god you prayed everyday that it never would, that you would be left in the dark until they found something to bring home. 

But what do you do with radio silence? How do you deal with the grief of having nothing to mourn over? 

It’s been months. A couple more and it’ll be a year. 

Still no body.

The house is deathly still, frozen in time. Sometimes the couch becomes your bed when you can’t bring yourself to spend another night in the empty bedroom, the decorative throw pillow and blanket from last fall always laid out. It’s the only thing that smells like him, reminds you of the times when you’d be curled up against his side watching some action movie, listening to him criticize it or make some dry comment, because who knows better than him of course.

His scent isn’t as strong as it used to be, fades away day after day, but it feels like he’s still there, you hold onto that tiny sliver of him while wallowing in regret about having done the laundry the day he left on that damn mission, it devastates you when you bring a shirt of his up to your nose and find only the scent of fresh linen.

You hold onto hope, as fine as grains of sand, that he’ll come home safe and sound. That you’ll wake and find him sliding into bed as quietly as possible, always mindful to not wake you. With his strong arms wrapped around your waist as he murmurs an apology and presses a feather-light kiss to your cheek.

But it never comes, and lately, neither does sleep. 

Leon haunts your every waking moment, how could he not? It’s unhealthy to spend every moment in grief, but the love you have for him threatens to consume you whole when you finally decide to lay in bed.

The photograph on your nightstand mocks you night after night. A rare smile on his face, his cheek squished against yours, arms wrapped gently around you while you threaten to strangle the life out of him with yours.

The voicemails he’s left you in the past play on loop. Sometimes when you’re cooking, hearing him talk about his day on his break makes your existence feel a little less lonely. His things stay just as he left them, and sometimes you let yourself think that maybe.

 Just maybe. 

 He’ll walk through that door, and you’ll come alive again.

Little by little you were finally starting to take control of your life. 

Although it was as hard as a thousand count puzzle, missing a few jigsaw pieces and all, it was certainly better than it was in the beginning. It’s been a year and some months already, a heartfelt intervention knocked some sense into you. Friends you hadn’t seen, ambushing you with their love and worry, forcing you to remember you weren’t completely alone.

Gently letting you know that even though your heart will always belong to Leon, no amount of wallowing in your misery and self destruction will bring him back. That it’s just how things are. The shitty cards you were dealt with.

Your home and heart will always have traces of him, you won’t move on but you won’t let yourself fall behind either, you learn things could be easier if you would just give it a chance. The door to his office is closed now, weekly visits turned into monthly ones. Instead of listening to his voice when you cook, it’s the sound of your friends talking your ear off now.

The couch still has that same throw blanket and pillow waiting for you, his scent long gone, replaced by crisp rain and eucalyptus instead, at least that’s what fabric softener says. On some days, it gets to you all over again, claws its way up your throat and comes out in the form of endless tears and wails that could put a banshee to shame.

But today was a good day. You’d done some housework, got takeout and had a nice night in to finally finish a series you’d started with Leon, he would’ve hated the ending, you’re sure of it.

It’s only in the middle of the night when you’re finally dozing off, the sleeping pills prescribed to you leaving you drowsy enough to almost—almost—not hear the sound of someone knocking on the front door. It’s quiet as a mouse yet still alarming, tears away what little sleep you had finally managed to nearly slip into, reluctantly you rush out of bed to go check the peephole. 

If it was an intruder you’re sure they wouldn’t knock first.

You pad down the hallway, remembering Leon’s words, that if anyone ever did break in, the hall was a good choke point, all you had to do was run back down to the bedroom and grab the gun. 

The knocking grows in its volume with each step you take, until it stops as suddenly as it began, you hold your breath, before you watch the doorknob twist slowly, it doesn’t open yet. The top lock still set in place. 

Whoever is on the other side gives it a couple of tries before they too seem to realize—there’s another lock.

That one jiggles shortly after and unlocks with a loud thunk, never in your life did you think your flight or fight reaction would be to freeze until now, Leon would be barreling to get you to safety, scooping you up or shoving you behind him by now, but he’s not here to save you.

The door opens slowly and steadily, a figure in the doorway is illuminated by the porch light outside, bright enough to let you see who it is, the sight only makes your heart stop.

“Oh my god—“ You whisper in disbelief, taking a step back you almost stumble but the end table catches you. A framed photograph takes the fall instead, the glass shattering into thousands of little pieces just like all the progress you’ve made.

Blonde strands, once soft and neat now disheveled and caked with blood and gore, his face is the same, nearly identical to the Leon you lost—if you could ignore the inhuman black veins that have taken root underneath his sickly pale skin. 

God, it seems, has listened to your pleas and taken pity on you, but you didn’t know he could be cruel, didn’t know prayers could be misheard. You wanted Leon back safe and sound, but not like this.

If you look closely there’s some crimson streaks by his mouth, haphazardly wiped away, but the evidence stains his arms and neck. Smeared there in a way that leads to one conclusion, you’re sure if he bares his teeth at you, your theory would be confirmed.

The key in his hand clatters to the floor, snapping you out of your petrified state. You don’t know whether to run to him or to run away. Your body does though, forcing you to take another step back, legs shaking like a leaf and hand coming up to press against your mouth, muffling the sounds of fear threatening to escape your lips.

He steps inside, shuts the door like he’s coming home after just another long day, and the smell hits you hard, iron and death clinging to him like a cloak, suffocating the clean scent of the wall plug in nearby.

“What happened…?” You finally sob, trying to keep the tears at a minimum but it’s nearly impossible with the way you’re hiccuping and gasping for air, fighting the urge to wretch both from the disgusting smell and overwhelming emotions.

He doesn’t respond with words, just grunts. It’s low and strained and not at all what you wanted to hear. 

His arms reach for you, threatening to pull you into a hug and you move further away, backing up down the hall, in confusion, he follows.

“No…! Leon, please, please—” You’re begging through broken sobs, voice getting louder and more desperate. It’s only then that he stops, with a pained expression on his face that makes you feel like shit for reacting this way. 

This is hard for him too, no doubt it’s worse than what you’re feeling, you don’t know what he had to do to come back home to you but you know that whatever it was, he needs you more than you need him right now. Despite yourself, you decide to compromise.

“Let’s…let’s wash you first.” You manage to say, he looks down at himself almost like he forgot he was covered in blood before nodding, following you loyally down the hall, and into the bathroom.

You don’t want to touch him, but you know you have to, the love you had for him still shines through in the way you carefully help him remove his clothes, tattered and torn in some parts, throwing them off to the side, forcing yourself to not grimace or stare at the sight of his body, pale flesh riddled with new fresh scars and black streaks.

Leon can’t stand the look in your eyes, he’s not stupid, it's pity and overwhelming fear he sees. He knows this isn’t what you expected, but he can’t do anything about it now. He wants to soothe your fears, offer words of reassurance but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out except a low grumble that has your eyes snapping up to meet his. 

He hates it, a twisted part of him, the one compromised by the virus, enjoys the fear he sees, but Leon breaks contact before he does anything stupid, steps into the tub and sits down, he remembers this routine vividly, the one you saved for nights he needed your love and care more than anything in the world, tilts his head back and looks up at you expectantly. 

Pleased when he sees you leaning over to turn the water on, checking it and making sure it’s perfect for him, even if you’re terrified. He’s never come home looking like this, always made sure to come home clean, but that wasn’t an option tonight and unfortunately it’s your job to do this for him.

Gentle hands comb through his matted hair, lathering up the shampoo and washing the blood and grime away. If you closed your eyes you could almost pretend this was normal, but it feels like you’re showering a bad dog who mauled a rabbit instead of your boyfriend.

The water shifts to a different color, going from clear to a soft pink thanks to the blood, your stomach churns at the sight before you reach down into the water and pull the plug out, letting the tub drain before turning the shower head on to rinse him off while you scrub him down.

Leon lets out a small hum of contentment, eyes fluttering shut as he bows his head, the hot water and steam feel like bliss to him, it makes it even better you’re caring for him like you had in the past, he’s missed this more than anything, prefers it far more to what he’s been going through these past months. 

You almost miss it, but when you go back to run the washcloth across his chest again, you feel it before you hear. The little vibrations rumbling underneath the surface, he’s purring. 

It’s almost cute. Albeit inhuman.

“What happened…?” You finally manage to ask the question that’s been eating at you since you saw him again. Leon tenses, looks away from you and you take the chance to really look at him again. His muscles are a little more defined than you last remember, his body is virtually the same no signs of malnurishment anywhere so where was he? 

“Can…can you talk?” You ask again quietly, He looks at you for a moment, before shaking his head no. You press your lips tightly together before nodding and letting the silence settle over again.

It doesn’t take long until you can deem him spotless, helping him up and out, towel wrapped around his waist and your hand tentatively pressed against his back, guiding him towards the bedroom.

Once he’s changed and ready for bed, only then does Leon try to initiate anything. This time it’s a kiss, but you turn away quickly before his lips could meet yours.

“I—I can’t,” You mumble,” Not…not right now.” heart aching because god you want to, dreamt of this for months, but everything is too fresh, too raw.

The rejection stings more than he thought it would, his shoulders tense before they slump as he stares down at you, he wants to make you look at him, to give him the affection he’s been starved of, but he doesn’t. He can’t afford to do anything that’ll make you pull away from him even more than you already have. So he just grunts and nods again, settles for a hug instead, he deserves it after all. 

He’s still gentle. Mindful of his new-found strength, once your arms wrap around him he buries his face into your hair and breathes you in, he’s still just as addicted to your presence as he was before. He can ignore your hesitation so long as you love him. Or pretend to.

It’s not long after, that you help him settle into bed, pull the covers up and over his body, ignoring the way your fingers accidentally brush against his deathly cold skin. Even after a hot shower it seems nothing could bring that warmth back. 

And even though you’re still terrified, you lean down and press a kiss to his temple.

His eyes stay focused on your form as you pull away, watching each step you take, tense and on edge, worried you’d leave him when he needs you most, he only relaxes once you settle on the bed beside him. 

Did it hurt? You wonder, heart aching at the thought, you don’t want to know the answer. 

In his line of work you could only imagine what it would’ve been like, but the thought still lingers, you force yourself to focus on the task at hand and think about anything else other than the fact he was alone when he…died? Changed? You don’t know. But he’s back.

The mattress dips down slightly as you shift, unable to take your eyes off him, staring at him like you’ve done so many times in the past. He looks so…peaceful, just like the last time you’d seen him, yet so, so different, you can’t look past the black inky veins that litter his body, starts on his neck where his pulse is and goes up his face and down his body, dancing and taunting you, almost saying no, he’s not the same, but he could be.

The scent of decay is long down the drain, replaced by fresh pine and lavender, but still ingrained into your mind as you lay on your side facing him. You know the blood was human blood. Leon’s hand comes up shaky and uncertain as it cups your cheek, it makes you flinch, just as he expected.

“I’m sorry…” You whisper, voice breaking, it’s all you can offer him, an apology and a little bit of your warmth as you place your shaking hand atop his.

His eyes, now a cloudy blue, stare back into yours, nothing more could be said. The silence that settles over you both is a mockery of the comfort you had once found in each other in the past, it’s as heavy as lead, but for tonight you pretend. A part of you wonders if his head is as vacant as his eyes are.

You hope it isn't, you hope that maybe the man you love (loved?) with all your heart is still there, with his furrowed brow and quick tongue.

You were torn, trying to convince yourself that maybe this was your Leon, but the fear remained. If it wasn’t, if there was a chance he was too far gone, could go haywire any moment and hurt you, would it be the right thing to do to grant him the mercy of a painless death? To let his body finally rest and free him from this existence?

Would he forgive you if you did?

You’re sure you remember how to use the gun he gifted you, kept it tucked underneath your pillow incase, with one round loaded that used to be meant for you if the grief became too much to bear. All you had to do was take the safety off and wait for him to go to sleep.

It’s only until you feel his thumb brushing against your cheek that you focus on him again.

His lips are moving, slowly but surely, even if nothing comes out. You barely realize he’s mouthing something to you, does it over and over again until he sees the realization in your eyes.

‘I love you.’ He mouths.

Your nostrils flare, and you swallow thickly, tears quickly welling up in your eyes again. 

All Leon knows is that he’s home, he’s here with you again, and that should be enough.

[littlekiara96]

HMMMMM. He Could be Erudition, too...

But still Quantum. I'm very much putting my money on the Quantum part.

If there ever is a 5-star Sampo

He will be Quantum Destruction

[physicalshenanigens]

MASTERPOST

Hellooo

This my side blog my main blog is @starenalicen

This is where you can ask my physical souls au during the beasts time in the tree!

Smilk = Shadow milk. Truth/Deciet

SS & Resolu = Silent salt & Resolution. Silent

ES = Eternal sugar. Passion/Sloth

BS & Abun/Destruc = Burning spice & Abundance/Destruction

MF = Mystic flour. Apathy

Edom = Freedom

GC = Galactic Cavern (my oc :])

When you ask please nothing suggective things im a minor who is still in high school

[mweothe11e]

PAC: "What do you need to let go of?" (call-out from your guides)

"Once we rid ourselves of the shackles of our own self-imposed limitations, we will be able to soar higher and further than the birds in the sky." - said by me

(reminder: this is for entertainment purposes only. Only take what resonates) Choose with mic will lovingly call you out~

Pile 1:

Pile 1: 8 of Coins, Judgement, 7 of Cups, 3 of Cups

Right off the bat, the first phrase I heard was, “unrealistic high standards”. Oomph. *nervously looking away*

Pile 1, by any chance, are you known as the “resident heartbreaker” in your community because of the trail of broken hearts you leave behind? It’s great to have standards but you need also to remember that nobody’s perfect, not even you dear pile 1.  There’s this journal prompt(?) I’ve encountered before about listing down all the characteristics you want in your ideal partner, then sitting down and reflecting if your ideal would wish to have a partner like you. It’s such a humbling yet eye-opening journal prompt TBH. Don’t expect the best if you won’t show up as the best version of yourself. Like… if you want the best, you have to be the best version of yourself as well.

What you also need to let go of Pile 1 is your hyper-self-awareness. Granted that it’s great knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are but there is such a thing as too much. I heard, “A healthy balance is key” in your case. Sorry for the call out Pile 1 but from the second card as well, your perfectionistic tendencies are slowly making themselves known. You might have these “all-or-nothing” tendencies, like a “black-or-white” mindset sometimes. It seems you have high standards for others and yourself, so you tend to intellectualize your feelings instead of feeling them. Again, apologies for the call-out Pile 1.

The last card feels like a desperation for external validation. Like, you feel you always need someone to impress or win over to feel like you’re good enough. There’s this unworthiness wound that needs to be addressed. Also, chronic people-pleasing tendencies to the point of immediate self-sacrificial tendencies. Pile 1, you need to learn to let go of this unhealthy thirst for external validation. Because the moment you lose your “audience”, you feel lost and listless. You need to remember that you are worthy of love, happiness, and success in life because you exist.

Pile 2:

Pile 2: 2 of Cups, Tower, 10 of Swords, Strength

I’m saying sorry in advance Pile 2 but the first thing I heard was, “You need to learn to be happy alone.” Pile 2 either is the type that can’t stand being single or is a hopeless romantic that has more fictional crushes than actual human relationships. (Apologies to all the romance genre bookworms all over the world). This pile falls under those two categories~

So for the serial daters, it seems that you need to take a bit of a break/pause and assess what do you want in a partner, your non-negotiables and negotiables. You are asked to don’t say to every person that asks you out. Also heard that, don’t date just because you’re bored, lonely, or have a lot of time to spare. Basically, you are called to only get into a relationship for the right reasons.

Now for the hopeless romantic who prefers fictional men to real men, I understand that you might have heard stories or had experiences that made you always choose the bear every single time. Those horror stories are an unfortunate reality for people into men. But I can’t, in my good conscience as having nephews, say that all men are despicable human beings. Granted, not all men but still they’re men. So… what I’m saying here is, that your fictional boyfriends would want you to actually experience happiness through real human interactions too. So yup, keep your guard up to those who wear their red flags with pride, but do try to give a chance to good men out there.

What you also need to let go of Pile 2 is your destructive coping mechanisms whenever you feel triggered by your traumas. Yes, I’m sorry to have it break it to you. You kinda felt this would eventually be mentioned, right? You are aware of your own destructive tendencies when triggered. You are aware that you unintentionally hurt your loved ones whenever they trigger you. And you also know you want to stop hurting people in the process. If therapy is expensive, try searching for somatic exercises and eft tapping. You don’t always have to swallow a pill to get better at managing your anger issues and self-sabotaging tendencies. You just have to give yourself a safe space to be able to honor and validate your feelings/pain/trauma. Treat yourself as gentle and compassionate as possible, like you would a child who’s just learning how to walk and talk.

Lastly, you are called to let go of your arrogance. I’m really sorry for the call-out Pile 2 but the cards have spoken. It’s great to know within yourself that you can walk your talk but you might have the tendency to bulldoze anyone that crosses your path. This might even cause an issue with authority figures. There’s a fine line between arrogance and confidence that you need to learn to master. It’ll help with the harmonious dynamics between you and your coworkers.

Pile 3:

Pile 3: 10 of Wands, 6 of Coins, Queen of Coins, Wheel of Fortune

Pile 3 feels like my burnt-out workaholic pile from the get-go. Being burdened by too much on your plate. Pile 3 might actually tend to take on other people’s problems. I understand you want to help out but you need to understand that you have limits too. You are asked to let go of the burdens that aren’t actually yours to begin with. You’re also asked to reprioritize your needs and responsibilities first before even considering helping someone else with their problems. I kept hearing, “You can’t pour out of an empty cup.”

Why does it feel like Pile 3 is my overly giving and generous pile? Sweetheart, please… I get how you want to help others out and give whenever you can. Just don’t forget to keep some for yourself, okay? I’m not asking you to stop being generous. I’m asking you to discern who genuinely needs your generosity and who is abusing your kind and loving heart. Unfortunately, not everyone deserves you and your generous heart.

Pile 3, your pile really has me crying and whimpering, “Please stop letting people walk all over you.” No wonder y’all are burnt out, you are the most loving, generous, and nurturing souls in the world to the point of being easy prey for abusive, manipulative narcissists. I’m begging you Pile 3, discernment and boundaries. You’re so nurturing and caring to the point of ignoring someone’s red flags. So… you have to actually learn how to have healthy boundaries and practice discernment. Don’t entertain the idea/potential of a person and see them for who they really are.

The last card feels like you need to let go of being too much of a “going with the flow” to the point of not taking charge of your own life, Pile 3. I understand you’re adaptable and know how to roll with the punches, but it also feels like a drifter with no roots. Always letting yourself be carried wherever the wind blows, can be interpreted as letting people dictate how you should live your life. It seems that pile 3 tends to take a passive approach to living your life. I understand that people who are of authority claim they want what’s best for you, but that’s what’s best based on THEIR values and preferences, not YOURS. So… please Pile 3, take the time to figure out what do you actually want to do with your life, in your own way. You are not just someone’s child, not just someone’s sibling/parent, not just someone’s friend/classmate/coworker. You are your own person, with a heart that feels and a mind that can think for themselves.

Pile 4:

Pile 4: 2 of Coins, 6 of Swords, Knight of Swords, Chariot

The first card of Pile 4 feels like you need to let go of only prioritizing your needs while disregarding your desires. It’s great to know how to be practical and resourceful, but you tend to only focus on nurturing the physical and basic needs, you tend to forget your emotional needs too. You tend to forget that you can let yourself enjoy your life while you work hard to provide for yourself and your family. I’m hearing, “self-care” is something you need to prioritize. Don’t just say, “Oh, I can just enjoy the fruits of my labor later” then realize your knees can’t even be stable enough to carry your body to your bathroom. The last I heard from the first card was “Go on a vacation and treat yourself while your body is still able to live and move with ease.”

The next thing you need to let go of is your cut-off game, specifically your tendency to ghost people. It seems that Pile 4 is quite quick to cut people out of your lives without notice. It seems that pile 4 also tends to cut someone out of their life on impulse. Like, no explanation, no notice, no last goodbye. This is giving “ghosting” vibes. It’s like, the person you cut off didn’t even do anything wrong, yet pile 4 while just going ghost without a valid reason. Like, pile 4 may go ghost whenever someone is getting a bit too close to your heart and you tend to run before they even get a chance to offer any friendship/commitment. Pile 4, are you a commitment phobe?

Pile 4, what you need to let go of is your impatience. Not just towards others, but also towards yourself. The littlest inconveniences make you lose your cool quicker than a mic drop. Not everyone is capable of keeping up with your demands and requests, not even you. So please, learn to be more understanding and patient with yourself and other people. I understand that you want to just go-go-go, but you need to know that you shouldn’t bulldoze your way through life. Learn to pace yourself by taking the time to smell the roses. There’s nothing wrong about going after what you want to get done, but you just need to remember that you don’t always do everything perfectly in the first try. You too make mistakes. You too need time to learn from your mistakes and become a better version of yourself. So please, show yourself and others the same compassion and patience you wished someone would give you.

Finally, the last thing pile 4 needs to let go of is “being controlling”. I’m really sorry for this call-out Pile 4 but you must have heard this from someone else before. Just because you know what’s best and know how to do it best, it doesn’t mean you should always take the reins and just control everything and everyone to bend into your will. Your way isn’t the only way to do things. You might be surprised that there are other ways to go about a task with minimal damage and effort. So please, let go of the concept that you have to always take charge and always be the leader.

Thank you for trying out my PAC reading. Feel free to give me a feedback on how your pile resonates with you.

[thominho-incorrectquotes]

Thomas: Are you a cuddler? Minho: I AM THE HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF DEATH AND DESTRUC--yeah I’m a cuddler, come here.

[jimin-bangtan]

⏱️ BTS’s Long Overdue Conversation ⏱️

This post is NOT about the recent AMA situation. It was written long before the AMA controversy, both in my mind and in writing. I held onto it intentionally in order to post before June of BTS's return. Strangely, the AMA fandom revelation and meltdown made me realize that this post was also long overdue.

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Others who speak and write much better than I do have already written on this topic, but I felt I needed to put my thoughts in the arena too.  I have been feeling this way for a long time and have gotten mixed reactions from those I have already shared my thoughts with in conversation. Most people realize that there is a problem but may have differing views on how it should be handled.

NOTE: It's a rather long one. Feel free to skip down past the "HISTORY & EXPLANATION" and "SHIPPING CONTRIBUTIONS" to my “HOPEFUL EXPECTATIONS FOR A SOLUTION" section at the end.

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OVERALL REASON for a conversation

I feel it’s time for BigHit and BTS to directly address the atmosphere and behavior within the fandom.  Even if they cannot convince people to behave better, I feel they need to make clear where they stand on the present condition of their fandom.  A direct conversation could possibly influence a significant number of people to make better choices or to at least not tolerate those who are causing the disruptions and problems. If nothing else, I feel they need to make clear what their expectations are for their fans in regard to the words and actions that are considered acceptable toward other fans, each member, and the group as a whole.

HISTORY AND EXPLANATION of the situation

When BTS began, they were each assigned stage roles that were at times outside of who they genuinely were in personality and character.  For example, I feel it pained Jimin, who is now widely known to be a gentle, polite, thoughtful person, to have to arrogantly yell at fans “Who am I?!?” demanding that they holler out his name in return.  You could see on his face that he did not enjoy having to do that. He was embarrassed to watch replays of it, and he even later remarked that he would be okay never seeing that again, even though I feel he has since come to terms with the moment as part of his story.  

All the members were given some sort of role or situation to play out that gave the public an impression of who they were supposed to be. Jimin’s role happened to be one of the more contrasting to who he actually is, and it might have given the public the wrong idea of him when they believed that he really was that loud, arrogant character they saw. It started his career off by potentially rubbing some people the wrong way.

Along with these types of actions, early on, BTS also participated in some of the more cringy KPop behaviors and activities that I feel only serve to demean and humiliate the idols, even if it entertained some portion of the public.  I also feel much of the situations fostered more internal competitiveness and animosity rather than team building and unity. 

Since BTS was ostracized, ignored and mistreated, by the KPop community and Korean media, they eventually created their own platforms, shows, and content, then chose to drop the roles and much of the destructive behaviors in their own material. They modeled a better way of entertaining without the negative inclusions. They displayed more closeness and unity and chose to minimize actions that were as intentionally unpleasant or demoralizing.

With their immense talent and genuine charm, which could now be seen beyond the strange, less sincere facades, BTS outgrew the KPop industry as its fandom and success exploded. The industry noticed, but instead of determining what made BTS thrive then copying the formula, they often chose to attempt to minimize or erase BTS and their progress. The industry seemed to want to continue the antics, no matter how destructive they were to KPop, the idols, or society at large.

To the industry leaders, emotionally manipulating their fans seemed easier than actually developing sincere emotions and loyalty from their fans (as BTS did).  Exciting fans with strange, “amusing”, suggestive situations or inciting fights between one group or another was easier than creating exciting stages with challenging performances that continued to grow in creativity (as BTS did).  Also, as seen in politics, they felt it was easier to get rid of the opponent rather than to have to do the hard work of keeping up and surpassing the competition's obvious talent and rising power and achievements (or so they thought).

I have recently already written about some of the external forces that had designed goals of infiltrating BTS’s fandom and creating discord and discontent from within the fandom by pretending to be fans. The imitators also would behave badly in public in order to give BTS’s protective, effective, and growing fandom a bad name in the public’s eyes.  (With the obvious attempts to make constant, negative noise around BTS/HYBE, especially during the hiatus, I feel we are underestimating the extent of these fake actors within the fandom.)

Too many of the fandom embraced the interference and engaged in the infighting and destruction. Due to immaturity and hatefulness, some fans initiated damaging interactions on their own. The actions were pitting fandom members against each other but also caused fans to disown and disrespect actual BTS members!!! 

I know.  I have been told that there is a whole "OT7" motto that was used in the fandom, which was supposed to mean that all 7 members were loved and supported equally. Well, based on what I have seen and experienced, it was either untrue from the start or the problems within the fandom destroyed that sentiment in large part. I am shocked and disappointed at the words and actions I’ve seen toward the group and specific members at the hands (& mouths) of the supposed fandom.

SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTOR to the problem

In addition to the forced roles that set incorrect interpretations of the members into motion, one of the other main contributors to the ongoing, negative, destructive aura that is permeating the fandom is shipping.  Shipping (for new fans) is a long accepted feature in KPop, where 2 members of a group are considered to be in a supposedly fictional, publicly-acknowledged union, which is often accompanied by a combined pet name, such as "VMin" for a V and Jimin relation“ship”. The short name for these unions is a ship.

Shipping can involve a degree of skinship in order to play along with the excited fans.  Skinship is a performative feature, where the 2 bandmates touch and flirt to titillate fans over the supposedly fake relationship. Interestingly, the ships can exist whether the people involved know about, agree with, or acknowledge the created ship at all. The establishment of said ships originated, I guess, to stir emotions and competition among the fans in order to gain attention and passion for the idols and for the group.  I guess being talented and entertaining weren’t enough.

The long overdue conversation that I feel is necessary would need to be centered in large part around shipping. A lot of the hostility within the fandom appears to be rooted in the shipping insanity.  The envy, hate, and misinformation seems to stem from shipping and the communities that shipping has created - especially those in BTS that involve the Maknae Line members (Taehyung, Jimin, & Jung Kook).

This is because the fans have become emotionally invested and connected to the point that the existence of these relationships have become entwined with their own identities.  Many almost hysterically believe their chosen ships are real and are being harmed by other members in the group or by the company.  It has become a script beyond soap opera (& K drama) proportions.  

BigHit and BTS are guilty of encouraging the shipping culture to varying degrees.  Some of the members (some more than others) did (do?) stoke the fires of shipping within the ARMY fandom for whatever reasons.  When BTS dropped the previously mentioned, disturbing KPop actions early on, I feel BTS did drop a degree of the shipping actions as well.  However, the members still remained close and still were physically affectionate with each other, which may have made it seem that the shipping circumstances were still fully in play.

There are people who confuse genuine physical affection with skinship. In life, some people’s love language is physical affection and with or without a public career, those types of people would choose to express themselves by giving and receiving physical touch.  Culturally, different groups and countries have varying levels of acceptable physical contact with other people, whether same sex or not.  So every affectionate physical touch is not skinship, nor fake, nor inciting shipping.  However, sometimes it is connected to the business purpose of shipping. The problem is often the public's ability to tell the difference.

Idols are entertainers after all, and their job is to entertain the public. Engaging playfully with each other entertains people.  BTS is very good at interacting with each other affectionately and playfully, and their natural camaraderie and appreciation for each other shows. It is one of the features that most people notice about the group, aside from their music.  

People, at times, confuse shipping for what could possibly be friendly interactions - or more controversially, a real relationship.  Shipping, in itself, is supposed to be a fictional pairing of two people. It is also a convenient cover for those who may be in a legitimate same sex relationship, while in the same industry or band, while in a very conservative country, but it can also be used to conveniently dismiss a real relationship that may exist. Thus, the controversy begins.

So the problem is that without any declaration or confirmation from the involved idols, many fans have chosen to declare some of the relationships as real and put an emotional stake in “defending and protecting” the existence of that relationship.  If the relationship appears challenged in any way, vicious words and actions are taken.  In addition to harassment and doxing, the reactions have, more so in recent times, risen to the harmful level of death threats toward the company owners and employees, other fans, family members, and some of the BTS members themselves.

Allowing the uncertainty to remain unchecked, about how BTS feels about shipping and about the reactions within the fandom, has allowed these intense feelings to grow in scope, depth, and intensity.  By there being no consequential responses or pushbacks, the dangerous actors have been silently given permission to continue in this way.

Over the years, there have been a few mild instances where a few BTS members individually attempted to clear up the shipping space, but those efforts were extremely rare and exceptionally mild.  I feel it’s time that the group altogether speaks directly to the fandom about shipping and any other problematic issues. 

Even if they cannot change the minds of those who choose to passionately believe in shipping, they at least should address their expectations for the vile, hateful, nasty comments and/or questions fans are expressing on social media, during their WeLives, in public events, to official government departments, etc. It’s gotten carried away.  It has become dangerous, dehumanizing, and destructive.   

When I first became engaged with BTS, I saw a comment (that I apologize for not being able to give credit to the owner) that said, “Let’s hope the government & media do not destroy BTS from the outside while the fandom destroys BTS from the inside.” At the time, I didn’t fully understand the sentiment, which seemed extreme, but unfortunately I now grasp the intensity of the thought.  How shameful that it’s come to this.

BTS’s fandom grew exponentially fast from the start and then again during the Covid quarantine. BTS were young men paving an unknown path and exceeding everyone’s expectations in the process, including their own. They were too busy, too tired, and too young to know how to manage all of that well, so I am not placing blame at their feet, but I do feel they now need to acknowledge it and provide input. The company was also in foreign territory, where it grew too fast to keep up with all that was happening as well.  However, they have allowed several balls to drop on many business decisions and circumstances, and this is one of them. It is also time for them to act.

MY HOPEFUL EXPECTATION for a solution

Although it may be complicated for BTS to denounce all ships within the group, they at least could firmly, clearly, and directly state their expectations about fandom behavior and the expectation of members’ privacy in the chats and social media conversations. (And by privacy, I don’t mean fun speculation about things that are publicly provided by the members or the company.)

If BTS members are unsure about how it could be done, I have been hugely encouraged by some idols and entertainers who have recently addressed their fandoms and made clear, very politely and professionally - but firmly, that they saw the bad behavior, and it was not what was expected - or they described what was expected.

One was Kim WooSung from the band The Rose.

Credit: Posted by Seoul-Bros

Another was Bang Chan, the leader of Stray Kids.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Clakthv Jeon Tae (@clayoongi___jkookthv)

BTS can design their own way of having a collection of realistic conversations with fans about the situation. The coming time seems like the perfect opportunity for them to establish new expectations going forward from this new starting point, as they return from the military and reunite in the next form of BTS, the group. They will have the attention of presently-active fans as well as any people considering being fans as well as any people who left the Army fandom due to the hostility and aggression. 

BTS has graciously and abundantly thanked fans and has repeatedly expressed love and gratitude toward them. A healthy relationship should be honest about the concerns too.

Jung Kook has said on several occasions that he feels relationships should always include consideration, understanding, and respect.  This would be a good time for BTS to take heed to their youngest member’s wisdom and attempt to reset the relationships that they have with fans and that the fans have with each other.  

BTS has done so many exceptional, ground breaking things throughout their career.  I’m sure they could make a significant impact on helping to improve the atmosphere of their fandom - the fandom that they worked so hard to cultivate and grow.

After all, it is long overdue.

⏰

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV Musings - Unreliable Narrators: Louis

I am SO sick of people in this effing fandom calling Louis an unreliable narrator as a thinly veiled code for him being a LIAR™. Everyone lies, to themselves & to others. Unless you're a literal sociopath, no one wants to be the villain; blamed for things effing up; or take responsibility for eff ups. But there's a patented difference b/t someone OCCASIONALLY LYING, and a HABITUAL LIAR™ whose modus operandi is to willfully deceive, manipulate, gaslight, trick or con(trol). Louis is many things (good & bad); and no, he can't be relied on to tell the story straight, for many reasons (that are & aren't his fault). But the one huge factor differentiating his 1973 interview (a la the book) & his 2022 interview in Dubai is Louis' SINCERITY.

2022 Dubai =/= 1973 SanFran: Odyssey of Recollection / Memory is a Monster

The whole premise of AMC!IWTV is that there are things Louis CANNOT REMEMBER about his past, no matter how hard he TRIES to remember. Back in S1 Jacob Anderson was fighting for his life not to spoil anything about S2, cuz by then he already knew that yes, Louis IS the problem with this whole recounting, cuz HIS MEMORY is the problem. How TF can you sit here tryna tell your life story when you don't even remember wtf happened!? ("You don't need a memoir, Louis. You need a hundred sessions of EMDR!") You're unreliable AF!

JA said "Louis REALLY BELIEVES that a lot of this is the TRUTH." But that deep down he KNOWS something ain't right.

Rolin Jones specifically wanted the 1x7 image Louis presented of him & "the love of my life" Armand to look like the scene from The Graduate. There's ZERO CHEMISTRY with Loumand in this shot, cuz it's not REAL. It's FORCED, a PERFORMANCE, just like JA said Lou is always been forced to do: perform; presenting the cookie-cutter image of a man who's supposedly got all his crap together, when BTS he's a freaking wreck who doesn't even KNOW or love himself ("Who are you, Louis? If there was no me? If there was no him? Who would you be? What do you want? How're you gon' get there?").

And Loumand doubles-down on that fake AF performance in 2x2, cheesing & hamming it up as if they're the perfect Stepford Family. And Daniel calls that ish out immediately; "keep selling it;" cuz he's "built this way," to dismantle BS, and Louis KNOWS this, and WANTS it to happen. The person constantly tryna STOP them is ARMAND, (Daniel effing pounced in 2x5 to sort everything out while Armand was AWAY. Daniel realized what/who the REAL PROBLEM was!).

Lou called Daniel for a reason, to help him UNPACK the jumbled mess ("he's good at his job"), cuz Lou KNOWS something's wrong with the way he's telling the story. Lou KNOWS he's unreliable, that there's a very real problem with him, and that he needs HELP. Louis is not a LIAR™, he has AMNESIA. That does NOT make him the villain or the bad guy, or the one to point malicious ableist AF fingers at as a gotcha! every time it's repeatedly said that YES, Lou's NOT the most reliable source of information; cackling like hyenas when Dan asked if Lou's schizophrenic and totally missing how that's the crux of the matter: Louis is mentally unwell, and CANNOT process his traumas all by himself; for reasons that both ARE and also are NOT his fault.

And what's more is that Lou HATES himself--his Confession Booth monologue lays out everything he hates about himself and will continue to hate himself for, even for the things that legit aren't even his fault (Louis: "I failed my brother!" Father Matthias: "NO, son!"). Lou's suicidal & all-too-willing to accept & internalize the NEGATIVE things people who HATE him say ("maybe I am arrogant!"), or what people actively plotting AGAINST him say ("You should go with Lestat's version, for the book, I think. I'm sorry!").

Self-loathing is at the very core of The Vampire Chronicles, and precisely what Prince Lestat finally teaches the vampires to get rid of at the end if the book series: the self-destructive self-sabotaging tendencies rooted in self-loathing that led vampires like Nicki & Louis (AND Lestat) to kill themselves, rather than to seek help or help themselves get better & love & accept themselves. Accepting that they're vampires doesn't mean they have to act like soulless monsters--they DO have a soul/conscience & CAN/SHOULD take responsibility for their actions, esp. their effs up, to become BETTER.

Louis is the antihero of IWTV, but DANIEL is the actual hero. Louis couldn't save himself from any of the situations he was in; he needed HELP (Claudia in S1, Armand & Lestat in 2x7, Daniel in 2x8). Without Daniel getting Sam's script, Lou would've just accepted how "that's the end of it. There's nothing else;" assuming he finally had all the answers & everything was sorted out, when CHIIIIILE~! 💀Lou was still in the Sunken Place!

After Armand's seismic lies were exposed, Louis finally started "learning to live honestly" without the toxic sludge of literal mind control keeping him back anymore; and esp. without Armand's narrative spoonfed to him that Lestat hated him & wanted him dead.

1973 SanFran: lies on top of lies

The 1973 interview was a whole steaming crappy heap of lies Louis told Daniel but most importantly HIMSELF. Cuz the SEISMIC LIE Armand told him about "Banishment" had a ripple-effect, dominoe implications. If Armand saved Lou and NOT Lestat, that means Les must've really hated Lou and was fine with him being executed at the Trial. So Lou spiraled, thinking Les didn't love him (anymore?), and that Lou himself was an idiot for falling for what must've obvs been lies Les fed him the entire time about their oh-so-sacred "cord you cannot see, loving you with ALL of myself," if he could let that disgusting lynching happen and NOT save his "Companion Heart."

Louis SINCERELY WANTS to remember & give the more "nuanced portrait" about his life. But if the person at the center if his life is Lestat, and Lestat screwed him over, what does that mean about Louis' whole life? He picked the wrong person--he chose Lestat over Paul, over Claudia, over himself, and THIS is how Lestat treats him? No, Les must've manipulated TF outta him, he's the devil, Claudia was right that Les is the "Father of Lies!" What "love?! I bled him like a pig and waited for the death rattle!"

BUT!

Lestat was MORE than Louis' Maker. They really were companions. Their hearts beat in sync the way Lestat & Claudia's obvs NEVER did. Something MORE than the Vampire Bond tied them together. It WAS real. Right? Lestat did love him, right? So wtf? The math ain't mathin. ARMAND is the love of my life.

Right?....

That's not a LIAR. That's what a real library of CONFUSION looks like.

[maruyaaya]

OHMYGOSH A SIMPLE LIFE FIC FROM U WUD ACTUALLY MAKE ME DIE NGL.

ur so right. they realy dont know how to be enemies, i fear they're obsessed.

they give me ethubs in a different shade ngl. they're always coming back to one another, equals. they've hurt each other, irreparably even. they know they shoudln't trust each other, yet they'll always come back to one another because thats what they know. they're the only people that they can truly show every ugly bitter part of themsleves and not worry they'll leave.

like. they want to move on, but they can't. they'd kill and die for each other but they hate it.

they're the same amounts of bloodthirsty, almost the same person. if not for the fact, grian will put himself first, and joel will put anyone but himself first.

sighhh. i love them and i hate them so much and they're just dropping lines left and right . like we're getting whole loaves of bread here forget crumbs. they just never leave each others orbit.

sigh some people headcanon joel is a blackhole in the celestial symbolisms and i think thats so perfect what with grian being the sun. they're the same, and yet wholly opposite.

they’re obsessed with each other genuinely they can’t stay away from each other :/ i’m still waiting for a confrontation to the hermitcraft blackmail bc i just know they’re gonna be mad at each other for like 5 minutes and then go back to their toxic yaoi

I REALLY DO SEE THE ETHUBS COMPARISON!! i’m crazy multishipper so i ship gribeans smalletho ethubs gritho shortgrass whatever it is, i probably ship it and IVE BEEN SEEING GRIBEANS/ETHUBS A LOT RECENTLY AND I TOTALLY GET IT??? they’re both pairings that know each other better than anyone else—they’re sickeningly codependent. they rely on each other in an unhealthy way, but they don’t know how not to rely on each. it’s just so much codependency. there’s nobody in the world who will understand them better than the other will so they keep going back to each other

and that’s really the gribeans thesis, isn’t it? grian and joel get each other. they understand each other. they don’t have to pretend to be anything else around each other bc they know that they’re the same. they can actually be themselves without being afraid of being judged and i see that for ethubs too. it’s both comforting and horrifying to recognize that someone understands you down to your very soul.

like gosh just thinking about simple life. “we could just go under and sit there and win” “nah we’d get bored and just kill each other” because that bloodthirst is part of both of them. they both love winning. they like a fight. they like to scratch and bite and kill. and they can be violent with each other because they know that the other will understand. this little convo almost feels like a callback to wild life for me because in wild life, they were the last two left—the only people left after they’d killed everyone around them—and they killed each other with no hesitation. because love is violence for them and they can only perform that violent love around each other. when grian and joel kill each other, it’s essentially the same thing as a kiss.

THEYRE DROPPING LINES LEFT AND RIGHT see i will never understand why gribeans isn’t a more popular ship in the fandom because there is so much content??? like grian and joel are always interacting and being gay as hell why don’t more of you ship this?? like every life series, i don’t have to worry about gribeans interacting because i know that at some point, they’re going to end up on a team together. that’s just what they do. they’re drawn to each other. they can’t escape it. they weren’t soulbound in double life, but that’s only because they literally share the same soul—they didn’t have two souls to connect because they’re sharing the same one.

IM ACTUALLY A HUGE FAN OF BLACKHOLE JOEL i think its my fav celestial symbol for joel (i like comet as well but i prefer blackhole because i think it really shows his thirst for blood and destruction) AND I DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER THE GRIAN SUN / JOEL BLACKHOLE COMPARISON. oh my god i can’t believe this didn’t come to me. this is sickening. they’re he same person, but somehow still different. they share the same soul, the same blood, the same heart, but they’re going to consume each other one day until there’s nothing left. every time they touch, the universe is screaming that they shouldn’t be allowed to do so. there are only two endings to this story: they destroy themselves or they destroy everything around them.