#diagnosis should be a tool and nothing more

[adhderall]

tired of seeing people be stupid abt mental illness and symptoms btw "omg but everyone does that!!" yeah dipshit the point is that it reaches a pathological level and impedes functioning to a noticeable degree. everyone gets nervous but anxiety disorders exist for a reason, being sad sometimes is normal but depression is another level, etc. etc. I could go on with every other mental condition

[donnerpartyofone]

The little pink brain surrounded by stars and flowers at the end of my computer search bar tells me that it is World Brain Health Day, which is insane but maybe that's appropriate. This was a great year to get my ADHD diagnosis and prescription considering the Very Complicated Things that are happening (mostly fine, just A LOT). I have also become aware that the dose of medical meth that I'm on is helping to manage my severe chronic depression, which is pretty awesome since I have tried what feels like "everything" and nothing really works without some gruesome side effect. The main side effect in this case turns up because I'm working a (roughly) 4 days on, 3 days off schedule as recommended by my doctor to avoid building up a tolerance, and I have begun to notice that on the 2nd-or-so day off I have a bit of a snap-back effect that plunges me into a pit of infinite darkness. It helps to remember that when unmedicated I am OFTEN plunging into a pit of infinite darkness, so this is essentially normal. The most positive version of being unmedicated is that I'm at least "pretty depressed" most of the time, and probably not getting as much done, just schlorping around in a general malaise. Just the getting things done is good for my self-esteem anyway. Work helps too, oddly; when I am completely consumed by a big urgent project, it is hard to find the time and energy to fantasize about being dead. Of course obsessive work causes other kinds of wear and tear, but their negativity is less immediately obvious.

Today I am doing the Extremely Complicated training process to write for this pop culture website you have probably heard of. When I was picked to do this I thought, "This is probably too much work for not enough money," and now I'm realizing that it is actually WAY too much work for not NEARLY enough money. But it's good for someone like me while I still don't have a real job, so I'm coping with this ordeal of doing the online training, thinking I'm done, doing my first assignment, realizing there was way more of the online training but I just didn't click the right button or something, revising my assignment, submitting it, realizing there's still MORE stuff I should have fixed and racing through the assignment making little changes and clicking Save after every single one of them never knowing when somebody's is going to start evaluating it, and just praying for death the best. Then at the same time I heard back from an event organizer who totally refused to communicate with me for the last two months so I just cancelled on them like two weeks ago, and now they're telling me they're so sorry and can we please do the event, and I have to have an annoying back-and-forth with the tricky third party this is dependent on, and do all this other stuff I'm suddenly too tired to describe. And THEN AT THE SAME TIME AS THAT I got invited to write more writing for the super awesome company that sometimes publishes me, also for not enough money on the hour but they're apologetic about that and the writing matters to me (and so does the company). And this is all great but my stomach has turned into a rock and my back muscles are fossilizing and I'm in breathe-on-purpose mode and I'm regretting how much coffee I drank and I wish I could calm down with a beer or even a joint or something, but the beer will actually increase my meth uptake and the joint will add to my anxiety in this state, and so I just have to grind my teeth through this until the day is done. I wish I could play for you guys the earsplitting power tool sound from right next door that has been echoing through the neighborhood since 8 o'clock this morning, just as like the OST to this whole experience, but you'll just have to imagine it! I also meant to apply for Real Jobs today, but now it seems clear that that's not going to happen until tomorrow. The End...FOR NOW.

[monsterkin-culture-is]

How do you know for sure if you have MD? I'm like, 99% sure I have it as I'm constantly daydreaming to the point it disrupts my life occasionally. But I'm just hesitant on that label as I don't know too much about it and don't know where to begin researching it.

Hiya Anon! I'm so sorry for the delay replying, unfortunately I only saw this whilst I was heading to college. This might end up a bit of a ramble but I'm going to at least attempt to organise it.

Diagnosis Talk:

MD is difficult in the fact that it's not a fully recognised disorder yet so there's no DSM-5 etc to use as a diagnostic guide.

Personally, I would consider it maladaptive once it's becoming a negative experience. This could look like: struggling to complete schoolwork/homework or chores because you can't stop daydreaming, losing time in your day-to-day life, losing information in class/meetings and becoming disconnected from/losing interest in your social life & family. In addition, it can also be the content of the daydreams becoming disturbing or causing you emotional distress when something negative happens in the plotline. That part isn't discussed as much but it's something I personally experience; e.g if a character dies in-story/scenario, I actually cry & genuinely grieve them for a while (sometimes a day, sometimes a fortnight for me). This isn't an exhaustive list nor is it a criteria where you need every single one, it's just what 'maladaptive' can look like.

The difference with immersive daydreaming is that it only happens when the person wants and it's purely for enjoyment.

There is an evaluative tool known as the MDS-16 (MDS meaning maladaptive daydreaming scale). I'll link this for you lower down in the research section!

When it comes to questioning, my #1 piece of advice would be don't stress. That's much easier said than done, but it's important to remember nothing will happen if you're wrong. If you mislabel it, no one is going to be upset. With maladaptive daydreaming, because it's unrecognised, there's even less pressure with self-diagnosis and there's no criteria you have to match. It's a label used to describe an experience. It's also important to remember that imposter syndrome is very common in all disorders & disabilities, physical and psychological, even after diagnosis.

Research Resources:

Eli Somer is the main researcher for Maladaptive Daydreaming and is the original creator of the term back in 2002. You can find some of his papers linked at the bottom of the Maladaptive Daydreaming Wikipedia Page as references (which I also recommend flicking through).

The MDS-16 is a self-assessment tool made by Somer & his associates. You can take it here on traumadissociation.com but other PDF versions are available on the internet. It has 16 questions and the result is the mean of your answers.

This is the official website for The International Consortium For Maladaptive Daydreaming Research. The ICMDR are an informal group of scientists conducting group research on MD. Their site hosts a lot of their research and resources to help you with MD.

The Parallel Lives Podcast is a great way to hear other people's experiences with MD (link leads to spotify).

Honestly I haven't read any papers on MD (I probably should) so don't worry about not doing enough research. I do recommend the MDS-16 especially though as it will help you reflect on the traits of MD you possess.

I hope some of this was helpful anon!! Feel free to send anymore questions you have through, hopefully I'll be able to respond a little quicker this time!! You're also welcome to talk about your experiences more. My DMs are open if you ever need to talk more privately. /gen /nf

[djeterg19]

So I know Day needs to grow up and deal with his shit with Night like an adult but...where the hell has their mom been in all this? Because they all live in the same house. She must know there's deep issues between them. She was pushing hard for Night to be Day's guardian. Why would she ever think that would be a good idea with how much Day holds a grudge against/resents Night? Is this another case of her burying her head in the sand and ignoring the issue? Does she not care that one of her sons hates the other? Or is she just gone so much that she has no idea what their relationship is like? And why does she travel so much? She's a chef, a profession not known for needing a lot of travel, and a rich one at that. Even if she was doing things like frozen meals or cookbooks, she could be home way more than she is. Remote work, especially when you are as well off as they are, is not hard to arrange.

Not only that but there are signs that she parentified Night and made Day a golden child. Day clearly was a high achiever considering how well he did at badminton and Night has been expected to take over as Day's guardian even though I don't think that's what either of them want. Like what does Night want to do with his life? Is he allowed to have an interest outside of taking care of Day? Or does the family just expect him to give up everything because his brother got into a car accident picking him up?

And Day doesn't seem to have been held accountable or faced any consequences. He's gone through who knows how many caretakers before they hired Mork. Night mentioned they didn't last more than a couple of days at most and I can only assume they were working with professionals before they started resorting to the interview process where they first met Mork. His behavior must have been pretty bad or he just kept firing them without any consequence. And really he should not have had the power to just fire someone on a whim or if they said or did anything especially after it happened a couple of times. Because if he didn't have money or a family that enabled that behavior he would have been on his own much sooner. This goes back to my frustration that Day was not put into therapy after getting the diagnosis. And nothing was done to get Day to adjust to the new situation. The house wasn't changed and he wasn't given tools to navigate his own home either. I've ranted about this before so I will leave it for now.

And, yes, being a single mother is hard but she apparently had the option of allowing the dad into their life and didn't want him around. Don't get me wrong she had every right to leave and move away because of the cheating and not want to be around him but she should have found a way to co-parent with him or at least maintain some kind of relationship with him for the boys. Even if it was just phone calls or having the kids spend a holiday here and there with him. There's no indication that he didn't want to be a father to their children. Maybe it's because I come from divorced parents but when you decide to have children you should know that it will come with doing some things you don't like or wouldn't choose for yourself for their best interest.

Anyways, I don't think Night and Day's issues started with the accident. They go much deeper than that and I can't help but think it's due to how they were raised and in a way neglected emotionally that caused them to see each others as rivals for her attention instead of brothers that both equally deserve her love and attention. Because Day thinking Night is trying to steal their mom's affection is not normal at all. It's deeply unhealthy and has to have roots that have grown over years and not just since the accident.

[rhodeybugg]

BEFORE THE DAWN; CHAPTER 6:

System Insecurity

Running System Diagnosis...

.......

Model No. 0001

Series XI GUARD...

... Scanning Systems...

.

..

SERIAL DESIGNATION J

Status: ONLINE

Core Temp: Normal

Battery Percentage: 98%. Should last until 9:30 PM.

...

.

All Systems Functional.

Would you like to send these results to your assigned JCJ Technician?

                   Y/N

☽✧    ✦    ✧☾

They stayed close, much to J's dismay.

It became the norm to see Zara trailing after Tessa, listening to the girl's rambles and awkwardly standing with her hands in her dress pockets whenever J and the other drones of Tessa's inner circle were near.

Zara wasn't afraid of them, and they knew this. It was a gesture of respect, at least, that's what J assumed it was.

Good. She knew her place.

Despite all of her system checks (Which she'd been running more frequently due to the system stress warnings that flared up on her visor from time to time), she could never figure out what was wrong with herself. These itches only appeared once Zara came into the picture, and seeing her beside Tessa made her...upset. And she couldn't for the life of her understand why. She found herself physically wedged between them without thinking, scooting herself to Tessa's side slowly whenever she and Zara would sit on her bed and read or go over old books that Zara had deemed interesting enough to rescue from their dusty grave in the basement. Zara never seemed to mind, and though it got her disapproving glares from V, she kept doing it, willingly, this time.

Maybe it was because she didn't understand romantic love. She'd never had anyone to love like that- and why would she want to? It wasn't a need for herself, not like V and N, or Cyn and that little pipsqueak butler drone that had started courting her but was too scared to even ask to hold her hand- (Was Cyn even aware that he liked her? Sure, Cyn was smart, but she had a hard time picking up tones and indicators.) Her only purpose was to serve Tessa. To protect her, to keep her company, to ensure that nothing ever happened to her. Why in any of the gods' names would she ever need a partner on top of it?

That was her duty, and she was proud of it. Her job was to keep Tessa safe, to make sure nothing ever harmed her, physically or emotionally, when she could help it. Tessa's parents were the only people she couldn't protect her from, she wouldn't dare even consider biting back at Master Elliot or telling off the Mistress. Everyone else, however, stayed at arm's length.

It only made her more upset to find out that V and N had been placing playful bets.

"She's in love." N smiled to himself, watching from the window as Tessa gently guided Zara through the garden outside, holding onto the smaller human's hand and showing her the gorgeous rosebushes and ivory walls of the manor.

The windows were leaking on the west side of the manor again, and somehow, J had gotten roped into supervising N, V, and Cyn as they worked to repair the interior window seals above the main staircase.

"She doesn't love Zara, they're just friends." J crossed her arms.

"She is." N glanced over to V, who had been excitedly nodding. "You can see it in her eyes, she's head-over-heels for Zara."

J glared at the ground. "...Well she can't…they can't- she's supposed to marry someone else. Her parents would never allow it."

N and V shot a confused glance toward J. 

"...You want her to marry Salvadore? J, she's only fifteen! If she can convince her parents to stop trying to set her up with him, she can be with Zara! It'd be a lot better and-" 

J cut V off with a snarl. "It won't. Happen. Either way, we won't be around to see it."

N took a step back, cautiously grabbing Cyn by the shoulder and taking her a few paces back with him as he felt the tension rise. V had dropped the tools she'd been holding for N and was now facing J, fixing her posture to be a bit more confrontational.

"What do you mean?" V cocked her head to the side. "She'll take us with her, either way, and-"

"Don’t any of you get it?!”  J clenched her hands into fists.

She'd heard it so many times, even more so in the form of tearful laments from Tessa after overhearing her parents talking late one evening. Her drones, her beloved companions, would no longer be hers the day she turned eighteen and was married off. And she knew what that meant. Tessa knew it too, but she didn't dare tell any of the others.

“Either way, we’re getting replaced! If Tessa marries Salvadore, we get replaced, if Zara stays around, we get replaced. Zara’s trying to take our place and-”

She didn’t realize she had been angrily stamping her foot against the carpet until she noticed Cyn’s fearful stare. 

“J, stop it.” V hissed. “Nobody is getting replaced.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

V daringly inched closer to her. 

“You’ve been abandoned before.” J continued, standing her ground as V curled her synthetic lips back to snarl, “You should know better than me.”

V got right in J’s face, causing N and Cyn to take yet another cautionary step back.

“J, you’re acting ridiculous. You, out of all of us, know that Tessa would never abandon us.” V grabbed J by the shirt collar, and despite the height difference, she stood her ground just as well as J. She put a single digit around the necklace that sat tucked into J’s dress and pulled.

“You’ve always been the favorite. If anyone is getting replaced, it sure as hell won’t be you”

“Okay- let's- let's calm down!” N quietly spoke up, taking a step forward, trying to stop the altercation from escalating further. "Nobody is getting replaced or abandoned anytime soon, we still have time to figure this out!"

Neither of the girls paid any attention to him. 

“Maybe you should be replaced” J tensed up at V’s words. "It'd put you in place with the rest of us."

"Shut. Up." J reached out, her hand resting forcefully against V's face, which only made her seemingly more determined to piss J off.

"Take it back." J's words were laced with venom, trembling with rage.

"Make me." V stuck her tongue out.

N opened his mouth to speak again, getting cut off by J's sudden movement, flinging herself at V and pinning the (Much smaller) drone down, attempting to claw at her visor. Despite the size difference, V put up a fair fight.

Her glasses were shattered by the time she managed to shove J off of her, and she'd managed to steady herself against the railing of the staircase they'd been working next to.

"You'll be the first to get replaced!" V held a hand to her face, feeling a few places where J's jagged fingertips had met her delicate metal skin.

J bitterly snickered and wiped a few flecks of oil from her chin. "You wish."

"We're just 'useless little butler drones.' " V continued, squinting to be able to make out J's position. "You're special. They'll take you first."

That was all J needed to snap. Within moments, V was back on the ground, but now N and Cyn were trying to intervene. There was more oil on the floor and on the girls' uniforms, clumps of hair were being pulled out- it was hard to tell from whom, and both drones on the floor were screaming profanities and threats at the other.

"J, knock it off, V, stop patronizing J!" N had a grip on V's shoulders, trying to drag her out from underneath J, who had been put in an attempted headlock by Cyn.

"Egotiist Starchild over there started it!" V winced as N pulled her closer toward himself, trying to determine if she was bleeding- and where.

J had started to snarl out another insult but stopped as she heard voices on the flight of stairs below them, craning her neck to see Zara, oddly leading the way up the stairs, following behind Tessa.

In a moment of rage and impulsive decisions, she broke free of Cyn's grasp and threw herself against V's body, knocking her out of N's arms and sending her tumbling down the stairs towards Zara.

She didn't see the impact, but the sound of a metal and organic body hitting the floor told her that her aim had been accurate, and Zara was now curled up on the marble floor, clutching her arm, next to V, who had been stuck in a daze.

"The- Hell?!"

J peeked her head over the railing, watching as Tessa turned on her heels and ran toward the two figures on the ground.

She ran to Zara first.

"Are you okay?!"  Was the first sentence out of Tessa's mouth, followed by a barrage of "Is anything broken?!" and "Do we need to call Doctor Nettle?!"

Zara answered Tessa's questions with her own questions, propping herself up and worriedly turning to V, retrieving her own glasses from the floor where they had been knocked off of her nose.

"Is she okay?! I didn't break anything, did I?! Oh god, I'm so sorry, oh god, oh god-"

"She's-"

V groaned in pain and forced herself upwards, wincing as Zara worriedly grabbed her arm, scooting closer towards the drone, and worriedly looking at Tessa.

"...She's fine- right? You good, V?" After making sure that Zara was alright, Tessa joined her at V's opposite side, gently checking the drone over.

"..I'm..." V trailed off, glancing up towards the top of the staircase, catching a glimpse of J, a triumphant grin on her face.

"......" V got her own idea, looking between Tessa and Zara for a moment, letting her right arm go limp. "...Everything hurts." She whined.

Tessa frowned, looking up at the stairs as well, not noticing J as she ducked down and backed away from the edge of the railing.

"Looks like it. You might have broken something internally. We'll get you up to my room and get you fixed up!"

"Here, I'll-" Zara placed a hand on V's shoulder as Tessa did the same, with Tessa's hand resting over top of Zara's. Time seemed to freeze for a moment. V could see it, and she loved the fact that she had been right. Zara's freckled face had turned at least three shades of red, and even Tessa's face reddened at the touch of their hands.

There was a jumble of words from both girls.

"I can-" "Lemme just-" "Carry her-" "Here-"

"...Can you carry her?" Tessa nervously rubbed the back of her neck. "I- I mean I don't...doubt..that you can, I just-"

Zara shook her head, gently picking up V, cradling her by the joints of her knees and underneath her arms. "I can get it!"

V could sense J's glare. She'd taken the lead, but V had managed to even the score. She glanced up as Zara carefully started up the stairs- again- happily laying her head against the human, watching as J silently scowled.

She stuck her tongue out again, immediately returning to her innocent, injured demeanor when they reached the top. N and Cyn silently followed after the three, clearly not wanting to stay around J at the moment.

Oh, how V loved being right.

Checkmate, bitch.

☽✧    ✦    ✧☾

"..I'm home!"

Only the silence called back.

Zara cautiously closed the door behind her and trudged along the hardwood floor, kicking her boots off next to the entryway and looking around the dimly lit trailer that she and her father shared.

It was all they could manage. Well, all her father could manage, at least. Struggling to keep a job doesn't exactly look the best on a housing contract.

"Dad?" She called out again. More silence.

She found him on the couch again. No doubt drunk.

"..And..no dinner...That's alright, I ate at the Elliot's." It wasn't a lie. And it was better that he was asleep, she decided. Zara knew that if he caught her smuggling in food scraps from the Elliot family, he'd forbid her from ever going near Tessa and her family again- and that was a fate worse than death.

It wasn't stealing, at least. Tessa's mother had willingly allowed Zara to take home a bit of the leftovers, and while Zara knew she wanted to question her on it, she was thankful that she hadn't. God only knows what her father would do if he found out she'd told someone about their living situation. 'It's not anyone else's problem', he said, and ' We're doing just fine without the help of those snobs.'.

Her bed wasn't anywhere near as warm or cozy as the bed she normally slept on when she stayed with Tessa, but it had to do for now. She couldn't stay in paradise forever, as much as she wanted to.

The memory of that touch never left her, even as she drifted off to sleep. She knew it was an accident, she knew that they were both probably blushing because of how fucking awkward the situation had been, but it was cute, and Tessa was cute, and she wanted to keep holding her hand and scoot ever so slowly closer until they were snuggled up beside each other and look into those gorgeous green eyes and slowly lean in until their lips touched and- dammit, she loved her! She loved her, she loved her, she LOVED her!!

But Tessa didn't reciprocate it- she couldn't have, right? Surely Tessa wasn't into girls, surely she didn't see Zara that way, it had to have been a stupid dream, a wishful desire, it couldn't be.

Zara buried her face in her pillow and screamed.

Dammit.

.

.

.

...She'd gone and fallen for an Elliot.

[substituted-shinigami]

Learning to Breathe

(aka Please Remember To Put On Your Oxygen Mask Before Assisting Others)

Characters: Rukia, Renji, Byakuya, and some Fourth Division OCs, (RenRuki)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, some Angst, some Humor, Family

Rated: T (for mentions of medical tools such as needles and depictions of anxiety, but nothing is graphic or even really overly described. This story is more about the emotions than the medical drama)

Story Summary: Turns out purple eyes and short stature aren’t the only things that run in Hisana’s family, illness does as well. As Rukia and Renji try to help each other navigate through this new storm in their lives, will they remember to take time to breathe? (Rukia gets the same disease that killed Hisana (Bloodlines AU), Post TYBW, Post renruki engagement)

Click the link to read below or click here to read the story from the beginning on AO3!

(1/7)

Prologue: Boarding Call

(AO3 chapter link)

Chapter Summary: Good morning passengers. We are now boarding flight 50S to Anxiety Seireitei City. Please remember to store all of your baggage in the carry-on compartment above your head, so that it will not be revealed until the end of the trip. Thank you, and have a pleasant flight! (A prologue in which Rukia and Renji get a diagnosis.)

 

It had been such a peaceful morning…

"Pleasantly surprised to see you this morning, Sister,” Byakuya had said rather fondly to her as she entered the dining room that morning, “But do you not usually leave for the Thirteenth by this time?”

"Normally, yes," Rukia had agreed as she sat down at the table, "But I'm actually only working a half day today. I have my yearly physical at the Fourth this morning, so I’m going into the office late. I'm trying to get it done and out of the way before the wedding."

"A wise decision," Byakuya nodded.

"Speaking of which, after my appointment, I'm stealing your lieutenant for lunch," Rukia continued between bites of kyuri no tsukemono. She was having trouble not shoveling the whole thing into her mouth. The fresh but sour taste of the pickled ginger and cucumbers, the mild kick from the sprinkling of chili, these were the kinds of flavors that she loved in the morning. Their palate, a perfect pairing of coolness and heat, served to invigorated and inspired her! Plus they were tasty too, "The bar we have chosen for the wedding reception has some dishes they would like us to taste for the event. Afterwards I'll go back to work in the afternoon, followed by going to the seamstress in the evening to get the measurements for my dress."

“Indeed? You are quite busy as of late,” Byakuya replied as he sipped his tea, “Well, if you’re done with your appointment early, do come by the office anyway. I would say so that we can chat, but considering how Abarai gets when he waits for you, I doubt I'll get a word in."

"Oh? What do you mean?" Rukia asked, a little surprised. Byakuya put down his tea cup, and gave his sister a withering look.

"Sister, he is unbearable whenever he waits for you. Between the foot tapping, and the sighing, and the constant checking of that infernal communication device all you young shinigami carry around…” Rukia rolled her eyes at him.

“...A soul pager, Niisama?”

“Yes, that. Anyway, it’s a wonder he gets any paperwork done at all! If I thought marrying you two would get him to stop, I would move up the wedding to tomorrow, but I’m sure that it will just make him worse.” Rukia chuckled fondly in response.

“Well, I will be sure to speak to him about it.”

“Please do,” Byakuya said, as he picked up his chopsticks, “But enough about my insufferable vice captain and your incurable fiance, tell me about-” They continued to talk amiably for the rest of the morning.

A simple routine check-up. That’s what it should have been…

The tech taking her spiritual pressure made a face at the monitor.

“What is it?” Rukia asked in a mildly amused tone, “I know I’ve always been a bit weird, but I didn’t think that my spiritual pressure was that strange!” The tech didn’t laugh, however.

“Not sure, something seems off…” he murmured more to himself than to her as he stared intently at the monitor, “Hold on, I’m gonna grab the nurse.” He grabbed the nurse, who also looked at the monitor, and then immediately left to grab the Relief Team Leader.

“Hanataro,” Rukia addressed the Fourth Division’s Third Seat as he peered at the monitor with a voice she hoped didn’t betray her growing trepidation, "What is going on? You know I don’t want to rush you, but as I told you earlier, my schedule is pretty packed today,” she gave him a mischievous look, “If you let me leave early, I promise to bring you back some cake from the tasting I’m going to!”

“Ah… Sorry, Rukia… But cake or no, there is something about your reiatsu that seems…off. We are going to need to run some tests to be sure. Probably even draw some labs…" but as he said it, Rukia's eyes went wide and her body went cold and stiff.

"I…I see…" she barely got out, as her hands involuntarily balled into fists.

Hanataro looked up and smiled at her kindly, "Don't worry, Rukia, I'll handle it."

"Thank you…" Rukia replied, relaxing just the tiniest bit. Unfortunately, the situation did not improve.

“We’re not positive of anything yet, Rukia, but your reiatsu doesn’t seem to be flowing or filtering normally, so we feel it’s best to monitor the situation," Fourth Division Captain Isane had said when they admitted her.

Rukia had already texted Renji to let him know she would be late for lunch. She thought it best that she text him again. He was there in minutes, sprinting into the room.

"Rukia!!!"

She had been laying in the bed, propped up by some pillows, when he had arrived. When she saw him, she sat up straight and gave him a little smile and a wave.

"Hey, Renji! What’s up?"

"That’s my line!!!!" Renji put his hands on her shoulders, "What happened? Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?!"

Rukia reached up her hands to gently hold on to Renji’s wrists, "I'm fine, Renji. Don't worry, it's just a precaution," she dismissed casually, before smirking up at him teasingly, "Although my shoulders kind of hurt now."

"Dang it, Rukia! This isn't a joke!" Renji exploded as he let go of her shoulders. But he immediately deflated and slumped down in the chair next to her bed, "I was so worried, I…" Rukia took a hold of his hand, lacing their fingers together.

"I know. I’m sorry, Renji. I didn't mean to scare you."

Renji bent his head down so that it touched hers, "Don't apologize, idiot. Just feel better soon, ‘kay?"

"Okay,” Rukia replied, tilting her head up so that their noses touched.

"I love you…” he whispered to her as he squeezed her hand, “...so much…"

"I know… I love you too," she whispered back.

They continued to stay, just like this, sitting close, whispering soothing words to each other, when they were suddenly interrupted by the sound of a large thump by the door. Rukia peered around her tall fiance to see Byakuya clumsily trying to fix the vase of flowers that had been set on the end table by the entrance. He looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Oh, Nii-sama! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," she said. She gave him a kind smile, before bowing, "Thank you for visiting me!"

Byakuya turned away from the offending plant towards his sister, but didn't manage to step any closer into the room. Instead he stuck his hands in his sleeves and asked, "How…are you feeling, Rukia?"

"I'm alright," she began. Renji gave her a pointed look, "Honest! I don't feel any different. If they hadn’t protested so much, I wouldn't have let them keep me at all!" Byakuya regarded her silently, almost sadly, before tearing his eyes away from her.

"I'm…glad you chose to listen to them," he told her quietly.

“Yeah!” Renji agreed, turning back towards her, “No breaking out of here, you hear?” He squeezed her hand again, “I know hospitals suck, but I’ll be here whenever I physically can. We’re in this together, okay?”

“Okay,” Rukia agreed, “And thank you, both of you, but like they said, this is just a precaution. I’m sure they’ll let me out by the end of the day!"

The Fourth did not release Rukia by the end of that day, or for the rest of that week, but eventually, the diagnosis did come in. CRVS, also known as Chronic Reiatsu Vent Stenosis, a rare reiatsu vent disease that tended to run in families, and the same disease…the same disease that killed her sister, Hisana.

And just like that, everything changed…

[missamyrisa2]

Thinking of miss Amy trapped on a doctor's table and being tickle edged with feathers and silky fabric until she gigglecums. Got to do it multiple times to see which is the best way to tickle the ticklegasms out of the lovely Amy

Nnnnnh you shhuuuuush right nowww!!~~~

I feel my tummy muscles straining, going tight and flexing both from the idle air breezing around it and from the curious eyes looking down. My arms are pulling uselessly, I can't stop them from their fruitless desperation. Each leg is engaged in a similarly pointless struggle, almost dancing as another package marked "sterile" is torn open to reveal a fresh long medical-grade feather. "Nnnhh...nuuununu not againnn I already gigglecame you already made me make princess fireworks I'm sooo tickled and there's a chance, maybe a possibility that I'm a mite bit ticklish hhhunnnhhh oooh hunnn huneyyyy~!" My pleas and protests ignored with a matter-of-fact reading of my medical chart, indicating that there are still multiple tests to complete before my sensitivity diagnosis can be compiled. My lips quiver, I try to stifle my giggles and instead end up squeaking and slipping a snort ~ I feel my cheeks and neck ignite in an entirely new shade of blush like I'm demoing a new line of makeup~ The quill draws up my spent princess part and coaxes her out of retirement. My fleeting mental strength fails to will that royal rod back down to sleep, the soft grazing tip of the feather is simply irresistible as it flicks and traces the vein, a knowing path to activate my inner drive again. "Stthhahapp spooling me upppp I'm not a hhahahhard driveeee okay I'm hardd mmmmh but not a driiiive~! And mmmultiple? Nuuunuunu how many is multiple!!" I scream a giggle, my fingers clenching nothingness ~ I'm careening down another rollercoaster with nothing to brace my fall ~ The soft teasing tip is relentless in its probing, following all the paths the silky scarf trailed until my previous eruption of giggledrops ~ The maniacal doctor smirks and simply responds:

"Multiple."

I'm gyrating now, trying desperately to get away from those tickles. It's the lightest touch, no more than a breeze. Which is what I singsong in my hysterics. "I'm brreeeeezzeeee so breezee mmmhhhh unnhhh okay okay okayyyyy~!! Just just just waiiiit let me explainnn the X plane it's realllly usefull hey let me explain x plane it's a flight simulator I think hey let's go fly plaannessss you plain janee!" My body sheds the semblance of control, my thighs are quivering, hips bucking in mad protest at the sensations my midsection is being forced to endure as the feather makes its way upward and begins testing the ultra sensitive skin surrounding my princess part ~ the regal crown, the most ticklish accessory and one I absolutely dread possibly more than any other getting precision attention ~ The scarf caressed it, the feather is loving on it drawing around and following every sway as I struggle side to side~ at my waist, my flower belt buckle bounces comically up and down, naturally my doctor had detailed files on my ~ proclivities~ and decided to bring it back after I was stripped down~ that cool metal sensation taunts my blushing belly~ reminds me of my helplessness ~ "Nnnnnh featherrrrrr in the heatherr we should shut up heatherrrrr!! Sorry heatherrr mmmmmhhhhh~" I drift into fuzzies, babbling nonsense and references ~ but the wicked tool never stops, and those assessing eyes and taunting smirk with the matter of fact tone never quit either ~ even as my princess part trembles and shivers and starts leaking giggledrops ~ the stream making me scream out near-silent high giggles, the sensation of being made to orgasm again mixed with that tingle of wetness falling down is far too much ~ my eyes are widened and then summarily gone as I arch frantically ~

At least, until the sound of more sterile packages being opened crinkles in my ticklish ears~

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I'm…really going back and forth on whether or not I should be a therapist. I love psychology in general and diagnosing people, but I'm naturally a really judgemental, opinionated person (I don't like things like femininity because of dysphoria, or alcohol, but I'm completely all-or-nothing about it. I judge people for being feminine or drinking alcohol, even if they're not alcoholics or anything, because…I don't understand them).

My empathy's not the greatest either. I get mad when I'll tell people advice and they don't follow it, or I'll get annoyed when people just want to vent and they don't want a solution. I get empathy burnout/compassion fatigue a lot faster than other people do. I'm a pretty selfish person, and I feel like being selfish is bad for a therapist. Obviously all of this stuff can be learned (being judgemental would probably stop if I met more people and gradually stopped stereotyping them, and empathy is a learned skill), but I don't know if being a therapist is right for me. Thanks for your help, if you answer this.

You're absolutely right that these things can be learned! Empathy is not necessarily a natural emotional path for me, but I've developed a lot of intentional and mindful ways of thinking that more than "make up" for that. And I think all of us can struggle with watching people struggle to sit in distress when there are solutions that appear obvious to us, but a big part of the learning process as a clinician is learning how to remove yourself from the feedback you give unless there's an active reason to include disclosure or personal perspective.

I don't know you Anon, and I'm not going to give you career advice based on this message. But I am going to say that you really haven't painted a very good picture of yourself here as a prospective clinician.

Therapy is absolutely not about diagnosing people, and psychology is one of the frameworks of what we do, not what it's about. It's great to be interested in those things, but on their own, they won't make you an effective therapist or make you happy with your work.

To be honest, this ask has given me no indication whatsoever of why you might be interested in being a therapist. I'd be more inclined to ask you if you're feeling like you *should* be a therapist and are looking for reasons to talk yourself out of it based on how you've framed this.

I want to be really clear. Lots of people get told they should be therapists when what is actually being said is "you seem to have really ineffective boundaries around when and what others share with you about their lives and depend on you for." That's not a reason to go into therapy. I should know. It's one of the reasons I went into therapy. And had it been the only one, I absolutely would have gone down in flames years ago.

If you decide that you want to learn more about psychology, I think that's awesome! Psychology can be a fascinating field. It's not the only entry point into therapy, and in my opinion not necessarily even the best one depending on where your personal need areas are. Social work is also a common entry point, and can be more effective for some, especially those whose backgrounds are more vulnerable to the kinds of biases that tend to be reinforced in medical fields. But regardless of which method of learning you might choose to take, you can still choose not to become a therapist after. It can just be cool things you learned because they interested you. And frankly, if you genuinely enjoy diagnosing people, it might be for the best that be all it ever is. Diagnosis isn't what people outside of the field treat it as, and the field has worked REALLY hard to evolve it into its current understanding of "basically only something we do for billing purposes" with a little sprinkle of "sometimes symptoms cluster together in similar ways and we can help people with similar support tools based on that cluster". No one I know who treats diagnosis that way LIKES doing it though, because there's this inherent sense of "I am ascribing labels and meanings to clients through their insurance companies that I lose control of how others interpret as soon as I put them on the documentation" on top of the frantic fear of "what if someone else along the treatment/billing chain decides I was wrong?"

Here are some things I do like about my time at work! I like doing psycho-education with clients about things like executive function, the autonomic system, human need-meeting, relationship cultivation dynamics, etc. I like getting to know my clients as people and coming to understand their stories, where they come from as people, and the things about their lives that are important to them. I like hearing from them about the ways that they see changes over time when we find the resources and tools that work for them. I like learning from them about the different worlds, perspectives, and experiences that exist in life.

I really don't know if this response will have been helpful or not Anon, because to be honest I'm still really not sure what you were hoping for here. You really don't sound like you are interested in any of the things that make therapy what it is, and the things you do seem interested in seem to have more to do with liking to learn about mental health from the outside? Which is fine! There are lots of people who like that and plenty of reasons to get into that sort of thing. But I just don't know why you are motivated to be a therapist then, given all the hurdles you expect to face. Helping professions are jobs that take a deep emotional toll and tend to be really hard to do without compromising your moral values. There's no reason to seek out a job like that unless you have a real passion for the role/work specifically, not just the tangentially related subject matter.

Ultimately, I'm a therapist because I'm an abolitionist and a harm reductionist. I work for a practice that is operating within some really specific parameters, seeking to evolve the field and change the way care is executed over all. We're not just practitioners, we're advocates and political activists, all day every day. I sought out accreditation and certification as part of the effort to challenge the status of said acceeditation and certification. It's....a very specific kind of choice. And it's really not one that I recommend many people make. I'm lucky in my ability to do what I do and work with who I work with. Not everybody will be. And believe me, the amount of money one sinks into these credentials is not worth the salaries one gets, especially not if one is not also making really deliberate socio-political choices that are worth paying for. So like. If you enter therapy with the beliefs you describe and cannot guarantee challenging them by the time you get certified, *I personally do not want you in my field, whether you are a capable practitioner or not* because those beliefs are exactly the things I am working to eliminate and undermine through my own work. Psych abolition is hard enough without more people who are willing to impose themselves on their clients. This is not meant to be harsh or cruel. I understand what it's like to want something that is hard for you to do. But this is a field in which you can hold IMMENSE power over people's lives and you are describing yourself as someone who would judge, look down on, and be critical of your clients. That belongs NOWHERE NEAR such power, and if you cannot ensure the elimination of those tendencies, either through advocacy work and praxis, or through education, then you need to stay away.

I hope that you decide to learn more about these topics regardless of your career choices, because I have the sense that it would help you better understand and interact with others and the world. But either way, I strongly recommend looking into abolition as a general concept, and psych abolition as a more specific one. It may help you find the conceptual challenges that make this decision easier for you.

[structuredsucc]

Rejection can be extra painful when you have ADHD. Here's what we know

Rejection is something that everyone experiences throughout many aspects of their lives. Some of us are more sensitive to that rejection than other people, and ADHD'ers are among the groups at highest risk of being particularly sensitive to rejection. This sensitivity can impact every aspect of our lives and harm our self-esteem and self-worth. Let's talk about what it is and what we can do about it. 

What is Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection sensitivity is a strong emotional or dysregulating reaction to rejection, perceived rejection, or anticipated rejection. Depending on the person and situation, the resulting emotional distress can take the form of intense sadness, fear, anger, or even physical pain. These emotions may be displayed or acted on, but many people learn to partially or entirely internalize these reactions over time.  

While rejection sensitivity is more of a general trait than a symptom or diagnosis, people with ADHD are generally more likely to experience rejection sensitivity. There are a few reasons why this might be the case. 

What Causes Rejection Sensitivity

Research has yet to determine the root cause for rejection sensitivity for people with (or without) ADHD. Some theories as to its origins do exist, and the ones that are common among researchers and ADHD'ers themselves include the impact of past experiences of rejection, more general struggles with emotional regulation, or all-or-nothing thinking. 

Past Experiences with Rejection

Everyone has experiences with rejection, but people with ADHD often have more experience than most. After all, ADHD has very real impacts on our behaviour, relationships, and emotions. When we struggle to regulate attention, struggle with being on time, struggle to sit still, or struggle to remember important information, for example, we can receive a lot of negative feedback from teachers, parents, or peers. These admonishments for our symptoms and their impacts can also carry social consequences including rejection, ostracism, and isolation. 

Repeated experiences with rejection, and especially in childhood, add up over time and can become a sore point that can damage our self-esteem and sense of self-worth. These past experiences can make the possibility that we might be rejected again far more painful or can lead to understanding rejections as confirmation of deep-seeded insecurities. This heightens the emotional toll of failure and rejection and could explain some of the added distress we experience later in life. 

Emotional Regulation

A lot of people with ADHD report having bigger, faster emotions than non-ADHD'ers. These big emotions mean that our emotional responses (both internally and externally) are often stronger than our non-ADHD peers, making negative emotions an intense and painful experience. Worse yet, because these feelings are so fast, they can often show up suddenly and seemingly without warning. This short circuits our ability to inhibit our emotional response, making understanding, analyzing, and addressing our emotions more difficult. 

Both the size and the speed of emotional responses makes regulating emotions difficult for many ADHD'ers. Without adequate tools to regulate these, negative emotions (such as those caused by rejection) can impact us longer and much more deeply. Since rejection can inspire these particularly strong, fast, and negative emotions, it is possible that sensitivity to rejection might be a result of larger struggles with emotional regulation for ADHD'ers. 

All-or-Nothing Thinking

Due to the executive functioning differences that we experience, people with ADHD are often more susceptible to all-or-nothing thinking, or black-and-white thinking. We may, for example, feel like the only way that we can progress towards our goals is to get everything in our life together right now, or feel like a new hobby or interest should be a substantial part of our identity until suddenly it's not.  

In social situations, all-or-nothing thinking can make it feel like the only options are having a rock solid relationship with another person or them never speaking to us again. This makes even relatively small social rejection, including perceived and anticipated rejection, feel incredibly dangerous. After all, if these are the only two options our mind presents and there's evidence that the relationship isn't rock solid, the only other option is painful to consider. 

Impacts of Rejection Sensitivity

Regardless of the cause underlying it, rejection sensitivity can have a massive impact on our lives. Feeling intense, painful emotions is incredibly unpleasant, and most people attempt to avoid such pain wherever they can. When even small rejections feel intensely painful, we can start to avoid even the possibility of rejection. This can leave us feeling socially isolated as we avoid social interactions that could lead to rejection, encourage perfectionist behaviour where we don't approach an activity unless we're assured we won't fail or be rejected, or encourage people pleasing behaviour. 

These impacts aren't just limited to relationships with our friends, however. These same responses can impact our work, school, and romantic relationships. The prospect of being rejected can prevent us from applying for new jobs, promotions, or academic opportunities. Rejection sensitivity can make it harder to ask for help from professors, colleagues, and supervisors when we need it, and it can make romantic and sexual relationships more painful, and thus harder to approach or navigate. 

Internally, rejection sensitivity also does a number to our sense of self-worth. When rejection looms so large on the horizon, it can be easy to forget the times we've had rewarding social interactions or succeeded against all odds. Rejection sensitivity can lead us to view ourselves as a collection of failures and teach us to doubt our abilities and expect to be rejected. Ironically, this ends up reinforcing rejection sensitivity making experiencing it more likely and more painful.  

What Can we do About Rejection Sensitivity?

More important than anything else on this list is this: Self-acceptance. Rejection sensitivity is painful enough. It's only made worse if we feel like we're failing or doing something wrong for experiencing it. Being sensitive to rejection can just be a part of us without it being something worth feeling guilty or ashamed of. Simply removing this guilt and shame can go a long way to soothe the pain from rejection sensitivity and reduce its negative impacts. 

Emotional Regulation

Beyond self-acceptance, emotional regulation and distress management skills are helpful in navigating the pain of rejection or perceived rejection. The aim of distress management skills is generally to survive overwhelming or potentially dangerous levels of dysregulation and bring us to a place where we can process our emotions. Emotional regulation is the processing of those emotions, where we acknowledge, understand, and investigate our emotions in a way that supports our relationships with ourselves and others. There are a lot of different skills under each of these categories, but some I've found helpful for rejection sensitivity include: 

Adding a Pause

Rejection, like other intense emotional experiences, can encourage impulsive behaviours that might not be in our best interest. Controlling impulsivity is particularly difficult for many people with ADHD, so relying on willpower alone usually isn't enough. Instead, adding an activity that slows us down or prevents us from responding impulsively can be helpful here. This can be physical activity, such as intense exercise; distraction, such as a show or game; breathing exercises; or just about anything else. The goal is simply to not respond and give yourself time. Importantly, having a preplanned script or action is often necessary for keeping impulsivity at bay when you have ADHD, so make sure to plan ahead. 

Thinking Dialectically

Thinking dialectically is essentially the opposite of all-or-nothing thinking. It involves understanding a situation from multiple perspectives at the same time, or understanding that two things that seem incompatible can be true at the same time. For example, it can be true that I feel rejected by my partner and it can be true that they still love me. 

When I was first exposed to this skill, it broke my brain for little while. My initial reaction was that if I'm feeling hurt, the person who hurt me did so on purpose. While this can be true, much more often different people are acting on different information with different goals. This means that people can hurt us without doing so maliciously, for example, or that we can feel rejected without it meaning a catastrophic change to our relationship. 

Practicing this skill often means trying to view the situation from the other person's perspective, even when the situation resulted in us feel distressed, rejected, or hurt. One way to develop this skill is to explore explanations other than our most catastrophic fears. Could the rejection have happened because they're feeling tired or socialed out, for example? Or perhaps could I have information that they didn't have? 

Medication and Therapy

Because rejection sensitivity can be related to past traumas, emotional regulation, or cognitive distortions, therapists can be a particularly valuable resource for learning to cope with rejection sensitivity. Many therapists have training and experience helping clients unpack traumas, learn emotional regulation skills, and challenge cognitive distortions; however, a therapist with specialist training in working with ADHD clients may have an easier time communicating in a way that takes ADHD into account. 

Pharmaceutically, there are also options to support ADHD struggles with emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity. While stimulant medications may be helpful for some people in this regard, non-stimulant options, such as guanfacine, may support these symptoms more directly. As always, speak to your prescribing physician about the options that might be best for you.  

Ultimately, rejection sensitivity may not be a diagnosis in its own right, but it is a common experience to many people with ADHD, and can has a destructive impact on our relationships with ourselves and others. No one deserves these destructive impacts. Emotional regulation strategies, such as self-acceptance and thinking dialectically can help, but don't be afraid to call in the professionals. 

[pathologising]

I’ve been on the fence about anti-psych, but I think what tipped me towards anti-psych was working in a mental health institutional setting. Having been in one myself I didn’t really think about it, I just accepted I probably wouldn’t be treated well, but working there and having to go “it’s my job so I have to do this”, knowing that what I’m doing takes away someone else’s autonomy, I couldn’t handle it.

Obviously people still NEED care and help though, or else these places wouldn’t exist, people wouldn’t be begging to have their medication or desperately trying to find an opening in residential, but seeing how the system works from the inside and how higher ups don’t see patients and residents as people, and how limited you are in actually helping, I think that really makes it all feel hopeless. That’s why I really enjoy anti-psych that’s along the lines of harm reduction and not denying people what they need (meds, housing, diagnosis, access to professionals).

Also found out about peer respite homes and mental health community initiatives, which in my experience are a lot better than the tools and knowledge we’re given in the psychiatric/mental health field. We should be giving people more options instead of taking them away, which is why I see some anti-psych supporters who advocate for just getting rid of what we have as selfish... sometimes that’s all we have and if there’s nothing we can provide as an alternative, then what are we supposed to do? Tell people to just deal with it alone? At the same time there’s so many conditions people have to go through against their will for the minimal help there is...

Sorry for the long ask, but I think what I’m trying to say is it’s hard to restructure psychiatry as a system (industry even... seniors in residential have to pay way more than they should) when those working closest to actual people can’t even get a leg up in our positions. It’s more appealing to say “hey look at this that can help better than we can”, but I can’t imagine saying “I’m not going to help you anymore because I personally don’t believe in psych ☺️”.

no ur so real actually thank u for this <3

[idkimnotreal]

i feel like the meaning of irony is more lost between different generations than between autistics and allistics. like i sometimes will not get a general ironic comment someone made which i should understand, but it’s so far and between (not that i interact much) that i can count it on my fingers every month (and it’s rare enough to make me notice, but i know it’s because i’m autistic and my head is somewhere else at the moment someone makes an ironic remark).

but it’s more common for baby boomers to not catch gen z irony than for us autistic zoomers to not catch irony inside our own generational culture (whatever it is). i think it’s a bit like masking or learning allistic communication, it’s something we know how to do because we spend a lot of time perfecting it, and sometimes it just starts occurring naturally to us, like learning a new language (though we “speak” it in a different way, which is why the result of learning to mask might be catching on even more social cues than allistics normally do).

i don’t know. just something i realized. gen z is naturally more ironic so does not understanding irony even apply to autistic diagnosis anymore? being a different neurotype, i think autism and its traits manifest in different ways across cultures and times, and it’s just that white male boomer/gen x autism was observed first, so it’s what we thought it was at first.

(examples of what i struggle with include “scripted” communication and what it means, but i wouldn’t list irony among the things i specifically struggle with because i am autistic. i know i might occasionally not get irony because i’m autistic, but it’s just not a trait, it’s due to something else. though you know maybe and just maybe gen z doesn’t use irony as part of scripted communication but rather in its true, sincere form, to actually express ourselves, and it’s just that autistic boomers/gen x/gen y? can’t understand communication to convey something else, as it’s a trait of autism, not intrinsically irony, and irony is one of the tools boomers and older generations use for social cues and nothing else, so they don’t actually get irony outside of social cues. worth to note that gen z is post-ironic so yeah i don’t know how any of this is relevant to my main point follow for more ritalin takes)

[silver-heller]

Not going to talk about this in length but, after the last post, I just had to go off a bit.

Summary: If you're being aggressive to people who self diagnose, maybe you need to take a step back and look outside of your own experience.

If it makes everyone feel better, these (people who hate self diagnosis) are the type of people that will put their head in the sand anytime someone mentions the concepts of "incorrect diagnoses" or any of the discrimination problems still prevalent in some countries concerning health care across the board. Aka, "THIS WORKED OUT FOR ME SO IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT FOR YOU, YOU'RE THE PROBLEM!" type bs. The type of people that refuse to see how minorities are treated because they think we have magically handwaved away all of that because they personally were catered to or had a good experience.

As someone who once had a best friend who tried to do everything they suggest without thinking, went through the correct channels, and was constantly never given the help they needed because the system sucked, but ended up getting actual help by being more involved in the community (and a more accurate diagnosis by doing this as well), I always laugh at this. Like yeah, the systems suck, that isn't a radical thing to say, just an unfortunate fact we should work to be fixing. I will never understand people that somehow have made themselves believe we're living in a paradise now where nothing can have flaws, and where professionals are flawless in every single way. These people would rather see ex best friend suffer because "the doctor is always right by default!", and then wonder what the issue is when they are demonstrating the exact lack of listening that caused that issue in the first place.

I have met SO MANY people like this that try to convince everyone they're being 100% logical in their argument against this kind of thing because, "the professionals must always be right, duh!". But, only a Sith lord deals in absolutes, and just default thinking all systems everywhere are perfect is just harmful. Also, don't even get me started on strangers being so damned convinced they know more about someone's knowledge and experience concerning mental health than they themselves do. Yeah, because I totally haven't heard scare tactics of "the mind plays tricks on you, and you can never trust yourself" ever before from other terrible groups...Oh wait. This is EXACTLY the same logic transphobes used against me for several years of my life. Yeah...not a good outlook to have.

Professionals are a good tool, but that doesn't mean people are complete blank slates with no prior logic or reason they can use to understand themselves. To put this into perspective, imagine if someone yelled at you for saying you had a scrapped knee because "YOU CAN'T CALL IT THAT WITHOUT A PROFESSIONAL'S ADVICE!". Now, imagine they still say that, even if you get paired with a bad professional that insists its "just a scratch".

Self diagnosing is an important tool that can help people when they can't get help, and be used later for when they can. Stay strong all.

[fadeintoyou1993]

hey bru hope this question isn't invasive but can i ask what happens once you get diagnosed with autism? i really think i might be autistic but i'm not sure if a diagnosis is worth it lol like do you get prescribed some kind of medication or is it kinda just like "well here are tools on how to deal with it" and nothing more?

its not invasive dw i actually get a lot of questions abt it n im always willing to help out as best as i can bc ik its a whole Process n having ppl who went thru it tell u how it was flr them can help sjsj

but well in my case since it was a late diagnosis there was a lot that i needed to work through (there's a lot of mental illnesses and disorders and actual brain damage that i developed or heightened by growing up with undiagnosed autism) and i still do, so i have to do cognitive therapy with a psychologist specialized in ASD once a week, then i have a psychiatrist that follows my process and prescribes me the medicine i need to take and how often i have to take them and which doctors i need to go to, which usually means i have to go to a neurologist at least once a year for check-ups.

my family has many cases of people in the spectrum and our processes are somewhat similar but not as much, since every person is different and not all autistic people are the same. it also depends on which country you're from and how the health service is over there? but that was my case. i was diagnosed in 2018 and its pretty much the same as it had been when i got it, although now thankfully its gotten more flexible since its been a few years and ive managed to "grow into it".

i hope this helps? i dont necessarily think that you need to get diagnosed to find tools to help you deal with it, but in my case it was kind of extremely necessary considering i'm kind of a at-risk case with all of the other disorders that i have and how they meshed with my autism. but, again, every case is a case, and if you feel like it's not necessary for you, then that's fine. but in my case, it was 100% worth it, so i always will say that if you're able to do it and find the guidance you need, then you should go for it!

if you need anything else lmk 💓

[anadrenalineslut]

Totally Nuanced Tuesday Topic: Autism, Extremism, and Whiteness

At some point, we're going to have to accept that autism is a valid reason for past bigotry, to a certain degree. I see the popular take on here and on tiktok is that there is never a valid reason behind bigotry and autism doesn't exclude you from accountability and yes, I agree that you should always be held accountable for bigoted statements.

However, having a valid reason for something is not the same thing as asking for an excuse from consequences and this is an inherently ableist thought pattern to engage in and uphold as a standard of communication. Autistic people are not inherently asking to be excused from accountability, but it is important to recognize that Autism is entirely dependent on cultural norms and telling autistic people that "autism is not a valid excuse for bigotry" is asking them to deny seeing a bigoted cultural norm in society that influenced them to think a certain way to begin with. After all, how can an autistic person have racist thoughts and opinions if everyone else wasn't behaving in racist ways leading them to think this is how people SHOULD behave in social situations?

Take me, for example, I was very fortunate to grow up in the bronx during the early 00s and 10s. If I didn't have black friends since pre-school, I would have easily succumbed to my mother's beliefs (and I did for a hot second after we moved to an entirely white neighborhood in bumfuck mass and my social circle became insanely racist naturally) growing up. Instead, I spent my childhood getting into fist fights over whether or not black people had a natural chemical in their skin that made them smell bad or whatever my mother would throw at me. After being diagnosed, my brief stint into anti-feminism and racism (I say this like it lasted for longer than six months and wasn't just my "not like other girls" phase) made a lot more sense especially after I moved away for college and returned to the socialist I was as a child and even more radical. Like, I'm not saying that I didn't say fucked up shit (nothing I can remember now, mostly slut shaming other people and there's only 2 genders, etc. i was more of a truscum than anything, which makes sense since I was the most ignorant on trans people at the time when I was 13). But what I am saying is without my autism diagnosis, I don't know if I could have ever overcome the shame I feel now looking back if I didn't have the tools and language to describe ~why~ I was so sexist and thus, racist, as being part of my mask.

I see a lot of people say that "autistic people should be better at recognizing patterns of bigotry because they're good at recognizing patterns" and this ignores the fact that autistic people are human beings, and the fact that "pattern recognition" is a trait inherent to ALL humans not just autistic people. Like, by this logic, shouldn't all humans be good at recognizing patterns of bigotry especially after they are informed of the existence of bigotry? This is just more ableist rhetoric that stems from the "savant or savage" stereotype of autistic people. We're not allowed to fuck up because if we're "normal enough" to be racist, then we MUST know being racist is wrong? Like, do you see the ableism here- the othering of a neurotype, in this case- or do I need to continue spelling it out? I think I've debunked this argument enough. Moving on.

Another argument I see is "well autistic people have an innate sense of justice." No, we are highly sensitive to injustice perception. This means that if we feel like we are on the right side of history, we feel righteous anger and can be slow to persuade otherwise. This says nothing about what the individual autistic person is PERCEIVING as being "unjust." Again, you are dehumanizing a neurotype that's different than yours based on bad stereotypes and ignorance on not only autism but systematic oppression in general.

Because here is the uncomfortable truth about autism and bigotry. A lot of us adopt bigoted masks as a SURVIVAL TOOL in a violently ableist society. When we talk about intersectionality, it's important that we don't fall into the trap of stigmatizing certain oppressions as not "that" serious or life-threatening. Ableism is just as harmful, just as dangerous as racism as sexism as homophobia is. Autistic people die if they can't mask properly, either by socially-assisted suicide or homicide, and in the society that we currently live in, being a bigot is the fucking standard. You're ostracized as a kid if you're not normal, and racism is normal. Sexism is normal. Transphobia is normal.

Saying autism isn't a valid reason for bigotry is saying that we should've known better than everyone else who is saying and behaving in much worse ways and gaining social clout as a result. It's cool to be a bigot and autistic people need to be cool to survive. By refusing to hear out an autistic person who tells you their autism is why they were racist or sexist or homophobic etc, you are asking them to ignore the truth of the situation and minimizing the necessity of masking as a survival tactic for many autistic people.

[talking-bigender]

Hi

I have a lot of questions about my identity. I'm female but sometimes I wish I feel like I'm not. I don't always feel confident about my body and then I wish it could be more masculine (more muscular and no breasts). I would want to walk more masculine and then I don't feel female at all. On the other side, sometimes I do feel female (doing my hair and interested in designing clothes). Then I don't care about my body and try to accept it as it is. I never feel 100% female or male though.

My feelings about it switch from time to time. Sometimes I feel more masculine and other times I feel more female. I really don't know what this is. I've read a lot about this, but I don't know what suits for me. Demigirl, Bigender, Genderfluid are terms I feel that could be me, but I'm so confused about everything.

I wanna talk about it to someone, but I feel like they wouldn't understand me and be really surprised about it. I feel like I should give reasons why I feel like that, but I don't know why. I also don't know how to bring it up. Do you have any tips that could help me?

Thank you in advance

I totally getcha, this is similar to what I went through when I started questioning and I'm sorry it's so confusing and frustrating, but hopefully you come out of it with a better understanding of yourself and your identity :] My biggest advice is to stop looking for what you are SUPPOSE to be, and dive into the mindset of going for what you WANT to be. A lot of this is gonna make more sense to you the less you treat it like a series of symptoms that need diagnosis, things like labels and presentation are more like decorating your house. You can do it however you want and you can mix and match as you see fit. So those 3 identities you listed, they really are just words for you to use for yourself, not for other people to choose for you. None of them are "more accurate" for your gender than the other, they're there as tools for you, to help you find community and feel happy and comfterablewith yourself. For example, do you like calling yourself a demigirl over bigender or genderfluid? Then call yourself a demigirl. Do you feel like genderfluid would feel better as a label? Call yourself that instead. Can't decide between the three? Use all three interchangeably until you figure which one you like best, or use them all forever, nothing wrong with that! Don't like any of them? Feel free to toss em out and find other identities, invent a new term, or don't call yourself anything at all! Treat these things like accessories for your enjoyment, the way you interpret your own gender is no one's buisness but your own. Let yourself go for what makes you happiest, and you'll feel happy with your identity.

[bluekidvoid]

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