#did i find a loophole or am i just talking out of my ass HELP

[katasstrophy]

ego said that big scary cost that those who drop out of blue lock have to pay for their failures is that they never get to represent the japanese national team. and honestly we ate right into that shit we were like “GASP :00000000 oh no! atrocious! unimaginable! how cruel!” but like…… there’s so many other teams the 299 boys who will eventually fall out could represent. literally that’s what the remaining players are low key doing right now in the manga just ‘unofficially’. i mean maybe they’re big whole hearted prideful nationalists of their home country but. i mean are they tho? even isagi – the main protagonist – looks up to a german world class player. that kira guy on the other hand really admired the japanese team and he flunked out of blue lock immediately oop. i know the whole point of the blue lock project is to rebuild the japanese team so that they could win the world cup but in the end, these funky lil egoists just want that trophy and best striker in the world title to their name, not japan’s.

[jess-moloney]

"I'm guessing with how many Nike posts and comments she's made over the years (or used to, she doesn't now) she was trying pretty hard to get sponsored by them."

That was probably her goal initially. Find some sort of fame by getting a sponsorship through spamming pics of herself in Nike. When that didn't work she moved onto something else. Interesting Jess was only at Donna Management for less than a year. Why such a short time there? It looks like she tried to take some of the clients as you mentioned and it did not work out. Everything about this woman is nothing but a long trail of scamming. It looks like what she started doing is using the friendships or relationships she would start with some of these people to create another con job. The tactic of the tagging people she never works with may have been learned by her from someone at that agency. She knows the loopholes to get away with it. It is as if she is a walking con scheme.

This blog post (Dated January 2017) Says this:

I thought I’d share some of the things that keep me motivated for around… 361 days of the year.

She goes on to list a bunch of things/people that motivate her to succeed. She mentions Nike while also talking about how her work motivates her athleticism. She also mentions that she manages Naomi Shimada. Except, remember the date I mentioned? She'd have still been working for Donna Management so what she actually meant to say was that Donna Management manages Naomi Shimanada and she just happens to work for Donna Management. Oops? I'm sure that was just an accident.

Not long after that, she mentions Nike, again, in its own category, as being a motivation for her. A company motivates her to stay fit? How? Well here are some pearls of wisdom from Jess about that:

A huge motivator for me is looking good while I train (well, at least trying to, when I’m sweating so much I look like I’ve just walked out the shower). When I’m wearing the perfect training gear, I feel like I can run faster and lift heavier. My love for Nike goes deep – it’s the one brand I am 100% loyal to. Nike and I have been together for a good 14 years; the brand always performs for me, never lets me down, gets better with time and makes me feel at my best. You cannot compromise with sports clothes, especially considering the amount I sweat. I need clothes that still look the same when dry as when drenched in sweat, and also when I’m squatting, I want to know the trousers won’t go see-through – girls who have an ass will know what I’m talking about! 

This isn't even all of what she wrote, by the way, but already it's questionable. It motivates her to look good while she trains and that's how she chooses Nike to wear? Also, she has to bring up the fact that she has an ass for whatever reason? It's pretty much trying to suck Nike's dick right here. In total, in that one post, she uses the word Nike 11 different times.

She was training for marathons and it did seem like she did some of them (though she didn't really win any or do anything within the level of sports professional or amazing) so why did she think they'd ever sponsor her? Because she's a woman (tons of women run marathons and are better than her at it). Because she's a woman who trains for marathons but also has a job working with celebrities? (So what? How does that help)? I don't know what she thought here was Nike sponsorship material but she clearly did think that she was worthy of that for her minimal effort put into it so that shows you how highly she thinks of herself.

I too also wonder why she was only at Donna Management for about a year. At least, after the promotion to director. I'm guessing she worked for them at least a year prior (because she was promoted) but knowing how Jess operates who actually knows how long she worked there. For all we know it was a few months and she fucked the right person and got the promotion. All the woman displays now is utter incompetence in every field she's supposed to be in so I can't imagine she was ever in that position legitimately.

It does look like her plan was to work for this company, collect a bunch of high-profile clients, and then poach them when she opened her own management company. Which is absolutely shitty. Why would you do that? Why not just stay at the company where you already have access to these clients, a guaranteed paycheck, and a team of people to help you? I am guessing for some amount of time she did have clients follow her but seeing as how her website hasn't been updated since 2019 I'm going to guess that those people left and either went back to Donna Management or moved on to somewhere else. The clients she had were all directly a result of her working for Donna Management, not because she recruited them herself with her amazing independent management skills.

Everything she does is completely shady, immoral, and wrong (at least in the business world) and she definitely thinks this is not only okay it somehow makes her a professional and worthy of handling things by herself. The ego on this woman must be massive and her moral compass can't possibly even exist.

[cobaltstories]

Curse of Smiles

Alius pulled back the flap that led into his adventuring companion’s tent. Smiles, a gnoll his party had picked up, lay inside, twirling a pair of rocks in his hand, while lounging against his supplies.

“What took you so long? I thought catfolk were supposed to be swift.“ true to his nickname, Smiles had a massive grin permanently plastered on his face. Alius had always been mildly curious what the story was behind that. Smiles had said something about a curse when he’d first joined up, but hadn’t said much about it afterward. Alius assumed it was a touchy subject and hadn’t pried.

Besides, Alius had always found the smile infectious, even if it was somehow related to a curse. you just couldn’t help but be at ease around Smiles.

“Some of us have jobs to do you know“ he said, more as a knowing jab than any kind of insult.

Smiles let out a barking laugh. “What, you think I’m not working? I’ll have you know that I am working my ass off right now.“

“Ah yes, the most difficult of jobs imaginable. wasting time.“

Smiles let out another laugh, “see? you get it.“

Alius let out a small chuckle of his own, “well, I’m sorry to interrupt your busy schedule, but you did say you had something you wanted to show me.“

Smiles’ grin didn’t fade, but he seemed to grow slightly nervous. “yeah. that.“ he paused for a moment. “Yeah.“

Alius paused for a moment. Something seemed off. “You good Smiles?“

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.“ Smiles took a deep breath, “Alius, do you trust me?“ The grin never left his face, and his voice still had a joking tone to it, which clashed oddly with the serious question he’d just asked.

“I… what?“

“Do ya trust me?“ Was the hyena planning something?

Alius thought about all of the times Smiles had saved his hide, and the entire crew. They’d all been somewhat wary at first, given the reputation that gnolls had earned around these parts, but Smiles had done more than enough to earn the trust of the crew.

Alius nodded.

“Cool. next question. Do you remember that weird hand language the boss taught us for when we need to talk without speaking?“

Alius nodded again. “Smiles, where are you going with all of this? is something wrong?“

“Nah, nah, nothing’s wrong“ Smiles reached behind the pack he’d been laying on and brought out a small bundle. “I just need you to put these on.“

Alius took the bundle, which turned out to be a blindfold and a pair of earplugs.

Alius looked back up to Smiles, about to question what was going on, but stopped when he met Smiles’ eyes. there was a quiet intensity behind them that didn’t match the grin. Now that Alius looked closer, the fur beneath them was matted and wet. Had he been crying?

“Please“ Smiles whispered, almost as if he was struggling to force the word out.

Alius simply nodded, and put on the blindfold and earplugs.

After he did, he felt a massive paw take his hand and lead him to a sitting position. the same paw began to manipulate his hand into the signs their boss had taught them.

“No, I’m not fine. I’m very not fine.“

Alius felt small drops of water fall onto his hands.

“I can’t speak because of curse. I have to be happy. nobody can see or hear otherwise.“

Alius let out a small gasp. Was this the same gnoll that had never taken any of what they’d been doing seriously? 

The gnoll’s paws shuddered, and the wetness continued to cover their hands.

“I couldn’t take anymore. I had to find a way to be something other than happy with people. I couldn’t keep doing this alone“

Alius nodded and spoke aloud, “So you found a loophole. nobody can see or hear you be upset, but I can neither see nor hear you now.“

There was a momentary pause, the gnoll gripping his hands tightly. then his paws began to move Alius’ again.

“Yeah.“

Alius was taken aback. Had this really been lurking beneath that smile this whole time? They’d all assumed the curse was something minor. Gnolls were an odd folk, known for being slightly insane, so none of them had given the matter much thought.

Alius felt a crushing guilt begin to pull at his heart. He was supposed to be the party’s paladin. One willing to help with any infirmity, whether it be of mind or body.

And he had ignored the one who had most needed his help because of what he was.

“I… I’m sorry.” tears began to well up in Alius’ eyes and seep through the blindfold. “I- I should have listened when you mentioned the curse. I should have done something-”

A single furry finger was placed over Alius’ mouth. His hands began to be moved by the paws once more

“Don’t be sorry. It’s ok. I’m used to most of it by now.” there was a momentary pause, “can’t blame you either. Gnolls can be crazy at times. I just fit what you’d heard.”

Alius nodded slightly, before realizing what he was doing, then shook his head vigorously.

“No. I’m supposed to be better than that. I gave my word that I would give the mercy of heaven to all, regardless of what I thought of them.”

Alius stood. “I must atone for mistreating you, and must do what I can to remove this curse from you,” He took a deep breath and raised his hand towards where he was pretty sure Smiles was sitting, ” By the power of-” 

A massive paw clamped itself over Alius’ mouth before he could start the ritual.

The paw remained for a moment, making sure that Alius had stopped trying to speak through it, and then pulled itself away, and began signing again.

“No. it is better for me this way.”

Alius was dumbfounded. How was it better for him to be cursed to have to hide so much against his will?

Smiles continued manipulating Alius’ hands. “If I returned to normal, I would be compelled to go back to my tribe and serve them again. As things are now, I am free to do as I wish. To wander the world and find new friends.” tears began to fall on Alius’ hands again. “I do not want to go back to being a monster.”

Alius sat there in silence. What was there to say? If his friend did not want to have his curse lifted, then what could he do?

No, there was something he could do.

“Then I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. If you need to be able to get something out, come and get me, and I’ll gladly come and listen.”

They sat in stillness and silence for a moment.

Then Smiles took his giant paws and wrapped them tightly around Alius, pressing his body against his companion.

Alius was surprised at the sudden affection, but calmed as he realized that he could feel Smiles’ shaking sobs through his chest, almost like a second, shuddering heartbeat.

Alius wrapped his arms around Smiles as well, and buried his face in the fur on his neck.

He would be here for his friend. He would atone for his mistakes.

He would make sure Smiles never had to suffer alone and in silence again.

[catrose13]

Chapter Five Phone Tag, The Chapter Art makes me hungry and I think my favourite of this chapters "Brought To You By" is Two people having two completely different conversations at the same time.

Hungry Hungry Hippo... This is a great way to start off the chapter

Oh my goodness Grandpa did you also traumatise this poor "professional graverobber"?

Oh no poor Mai, it's not special effects

Mai I am in Awe, you stared into the eyes of Anubis and threw a rock. Wow.

Lol "Romeo with the .22"

Yugi... instead of choosing a safer school, he chose to get body armour... I guess that's part of what makes a Main Character

Mai is so talented, not only is she a Competent Adult, she also knows first aid. Amazing

I love that his response to not "Being a Little Bitch" is that Grandpa would be proud

Mai's intuition is good, Yugi is involved with "actual cursed artifacts" and it does have to do with the thing she is pointedly not looking at

Ok I have admittedly been curious about "Don't-Lose-Yugi duty" but his history of kidnappings does explain that... Third graders with knives...Do you think they know Mokuba?

Aww Mai's having flutterings...Violent flutterings

Mai don't worry no matter how Dumpster Fire your life is I guarantee theirs are at least as bad

"Stone Cold Bitch Ass"

LORE!!!

Joeys sister sounds so Badass

...Tristan's Mom

"I'mma need you guys to be REAL COOL about something pretty fucked up" Yugi they've been cool with a ton of fucked up stuff basically since you became friends

Kemo continues to hate his job

Ah Ishizu sand is like that, the last place you want it to be will be where it'll end up

...Missing God Cards is not a good things

Seto....Did you just channel a Karen?

HUSBAND....Marik this they are not Twins

Solid burn on Pegasus not ranking high enough in his estimation to be considered an "Enemy"

Oh Hodgekiss, you dumbass, Odion despairs of you

Sergei loves his Boss and his Boss other Crazier Boss

Poor Odion, possibly the amount of caffeine he consumes doesn't help the migraine but having a brother like Marik is reason enough for one even without adding Hodgekiss

Well at least he's aware he makes bad first impressions

I feel like every time one of the Ishtar brothers starts thinking about competent people Hodgekiss is just there suddenly to remind them of his very incompetent self

It's like a Comedy of Errors

Everything is on Fire and Hodgekiss is still in the water

Manipulation is not how one makes friends Odion

Bakura truly has a great turn of phrase "world's most cursed frisbee"

"Perfectly Good Magical Artifact" I gotta agree with Bakura on this one (as with so many other things) that is an interesting way to pronounce "extremely cursed"

Ah the Importance of Names is once more touched upon

Bakura your ability to find the silver lining is very inspiring but also strangely worrying all things considered

Debugging Duck! I know that reference!

"YES! I understand nothing" Such excitement

...Wonka...labor dispute...there Oompa Loompas involved weren't there? I hate Oompa Loompas

I am understanding nothing of the business stuff he's talking about, but I am enjoying a block of chocolate now, so I feel like it evens out

Welp I understood very little of what Seto is planning but I get the end result and I think it sounds like a good time all around!

Lol yes the coma acted as a hard reset like with a computer

Bakura's gender has been assigned as witch by his schoolmates. Nice

Dude why do you just carry around alcohol and shot glasses?

So Ishizu drives like a maniac

She throws so much shade at her family's incestuous past

Aw she refers to Marik as "My Beautiful Idiot Baby Brother" with the caps and everything, she loves him but she despairs

Marik is a Chihuahua

Well at least she acknowledges that they all need therapy

Shadi don't just teleport onto the road!

THE CABBAGE GUY!!!

Diana Prince?!! Wonder Woman! Wooo

Ohmigosh!! The Eye Colours!!!! Right from the Start! You trickster!!

Oh nu now Shadi's talking in Capital Letters

Ah loopholes, passive aggressive actions!

Would Seto's "Data Hack" thing actually work in real life? Out of curiosity

So Jurassic Park is a movie but InGen is real, so did they take inspiration from the movies or get the movies made as a sort of test to see how people would react?

"Ned Flanders" Seto do you watch the Simpsons?

They had to fight Baboons with knives. Giving Baboons knives ranks right up there with giving Mokuba a gun

Ah Drama...He called in a WHAT?!

...Misha why are you invoking Primal Instincts in Seto?

Pegasus even the Russians think you're cuckoo

...Dude I would really not be screwing around with a guy who talks about Revoking your Eyeball Privileges

Ahh Anubis know Shadi, that explains some things about Pegasus' dislike of dogs

Now who the heck is his "retrieval specialist"? Is it who I think it is?

Wow Kemo have you just decided you don't care anymore? Did seeing Anubis get rid of all your Fucks? Is the field now barren?

Hah Vampire! Not a Chupacabra!

And Croquets still Stoned Outta his Mind

I'm getting the Poison for Kuzco vibes from this conversation

I love that Yami's the ghost but he's the one that's scared

Téa you have solidly terrified the poor ghost

"Don't fight her, we'll both die" Wow she scares them both then

Aww he's struck dumb in Awe of her

Hah! I was right Joey was measuring them last chapter!

"Al-Deez-Nuts" "You want me to LIE? To TÉA" wow, Yami I think your acclimatizing too well

"There Would be A Hippo. The Hippo Would be Bad." From what we've seen so far that's an understatement if there ever was one

Aw Yami's scared of Hippos. It's valid though, they're freaking terrifying

Their Rules are getting more and more interesting.

Poor Yami getting bullied about his spice tolerance

SUDDEN Bakura!

Oh no. That's not Bakura!!

[colorisbyshe]

Surrogacy anon jere! Thanks for the reply! I agree with a lot of what you say and I can see where you're coming from. No worries, I didn't want an academic paper lol nor did I want to change your mind. I don't even know where I'm at on the topic besides "body autonomy for all" and "children are the most vulnerable and their interests a d safety must come first." I really like how you express your thoughts btw.

Thanks! I try to not be too redundant. I'm also trying to work on alienating people less, especially on topics where I am wishy washy. (With surrogacy, I'm 110% for it remaining legal, but I get the nuances here, like, it is exploitation a lot of the time... but... so is most work.)

But, to expound because I'm nervous about being misunderstood about anyone else, think it's a tough topic, as is any topic where exploitation is so deeply ingrained. Like, now more than ever, it's hard to not be aware of how coercive society is around birth. But also looking at history... it's hard to not be aware of how coercive society has been about removing children from their parents to give them to "more deserving" parents (often whiter or wealthier or more christian). Whether it be through forced birth or stealing children away from marginalized people.

But I think being aware of that exploitation doesn't mean "Take surrogacy off the table and deny people who want to (or even need to, as in they think/know it's their only financial option) the opportunity to earn money or pride as they see fit," but more just like... talk to people who are offering to surrogate and ask them what they need to make their situation safer.

Just like with sex work.

Making more things less legal often doesn't help the "victims" (if they even are victims).

Maybe for some people, the solution is give them financial and social safety nets so they don't have to rely on that type of work. Maybe for some people, it's creating better legal frameworks for surrogate's rights. Giving people better outs or reimbursement or whatever.

And that's why I really recommended going after people who are more educate don the topic--not to say, "Hey, I can't give you an essay, find someone who can," just that like... I don't know what surrogates need. And any knee jerk reaction I may have about what I think they need might not be helpful, the same way a lot of knee jerk reactions to sex work ends up with dumb ass policies like "Make it legal for the workers, not for their clients" or "Porn shoots must require condoms worn at all times" (for anyone unsure about this one, it creates a lot of pain and microtearing which actually makes things more dangerous).

Like... I actually don't know if "Paid surrogacy is illegal, free surrogacy is fine" as a policy works. I'm guessing that's a knee jerk policy that maybe sounds smart on its face but... is actually quite stupid. I just don't have the education to explain how. I can make a few guesses (sounds like a lot of loopholes that actually leaves MORE room to victimize surrogates) but... idk what I'm talking about.

So, I really do recommend lookign more into insight from actual surrogates. Because my perspective will always be very limited here and a large part of it is an emotional response to my issues with the foster system and the cultural obsession with having children in general.

[the-firebird69]

She's right next door or he is dressed up almost as cheesman change is pretty quick and is using tons of power and people up to do it saying all sorts of stuff. And she's going to go in he is in a few minutes because he heard you and he's going to testify as to what he did. And he's going to go in no Jenna is an axle woman and will testify as to what she did and what she was told to do. Tommy f is not there yet the judge is not him he tried to get in and they're all trying to repel him. Yes and I am told about Malachi crunch earlier on and this is part of their show. And we're going to court shortly with castle for abuses it's really about they're not renewing the contract in the property in a legal manner they broke the law and my son says that and is correct and they are approaching the bench shortly. We're told to turn off all electronic devices and remain silent and to stand up and stuff. I'm struggling I'm almost up and let's see if we can sit down so I kind of wiggle back. There's some comments and some laughter mostly what I'm doing and I look around a little smiling. My teeth look somewhat normal but not completely they're a bit long and not really square but the squarish hahaha and my son is laughing and they can hear it and I think this is spooky. So he's got a serious case of dry mouth that's all and that's going to worry about anything to worry about I've got dry mouth he says jeez. And they're all kind of in shock no. It's from talking they say now going into court and there almost on time he says and it's shuffling some papers wants to know what the court case is it's looking around the courtroom. How's the statement from everyone and yes this is the court case about not renewing the contract. Well it is what it is and today we're doing the retrieval of items that were not handed over is there a court date for the other one that's not today. He doesn't really care and it's more relaxing for him and it is about the assets of Castle. They're starting the court case right now Terry cheese ass came in she's grabbing her fat ass cuz people are making fun of her him. The crowd is giggling a little. And the court says very serious and yes Max the judge. And he's not in mini me many format. And the three are making a joke it'll come out some normal and our son wants to know if we're The Three stooges which one am I and obviously shemp all we know who the big fat one is. And actually there's chuckling in the courtroom. Then he wants to defend the two Utes. And they say it's not their turn yet. You like the animal.. cuz they're big. Thor says hey and really Freya helped him say it. Listening and it's starting the same castle lost the case and the going over it and then they sit down and they said are there any objections cuz they already said the finding was to just send the stuff out cuz it wasn't sent out before and he changed the format in other words they said the house are to be taken into custody by the county and sold and the proceeds are to be handed out to the individuals who are affected. There's one objection from Terry cheesman said I'm not sweating these people but I object to this manner of handing things out because the owner will just come back and buy it again. So the judge said well that's preposterous it'll be in the open market and we can preclude him and the judge then said we could add that in there. So the judge takes his pen out and says we'll add that in there and that's how it's going. And combinations to Terry cheesman it's closing the loophole. Like she's trying to do to us the whole time. And she shouldn't be living next door its John remillard. The court is a journey and they're approaching the bench and we're getting a stipend for our son no but you are awarded monies and they are to send it from the court into the US mail. And we'll see if someone blocks it or not and they keep on trying that. And a court date is tomorrow and it is a hearing and Tommy f has to show up or he forfeits the whole case.

Bitol and Goddess Wife

We do respect his decision to ask us about invasion and so forth then what we say is they probably will try and fire up and over the coast and we can't have that so we are anticipating this action to be held off somehow and we're having a meeting today as to how

Frank Castle Hardcastle

[maizumis]

Hii! Another Haikyuu dad au! Can it be with the miya twins, Bokuto, Iwa, and Suna? They get into an argument with their pregnant wife so the wife tells them to leave her alone. The boys find a loophole so they talk to her baby bump about how sorry they are to their mama :)

— HAIKYUU BOYS ARGUING WITH YOU WHILE PREGNANT AND APOLOGIZING

ft. timeskip!miya atsumu, iwaizumi hajime, suna rintaro

note: female reader‼️ angst to fluff ‼️different format cos I wanted to write more 🥴 thanks anon! hope you like it 😽 I think I'm gonna do a part two cos this got longer than expected and I couldn't add all the characters! not edited, that's work for tomorrow!

# MIYA ATSUMU

atsumu came home after a rough day at practice, excited to spend some time with you and baby boy that was about to come in just a month

all happiness he had quickly erased when he saw that the home was on the same that when he went to practice, dishes without washing and clothes without fold

" ‘tsumu you're home! we missed you!" he walked past you, he didn't even give you a side look, going directly to the bathroom "‘tsumu all okay? I made your favor–" "could ya please shut up? a come home after working and entire day for ma family and the house is like this? what did ya do the whole day?"

you were stuck in your place with wide eyes and hands over your belly "I'm sorry ‘tsumu, my back hurts a lot today and—" "save it, don’ wanna hear yer excuses"

"go fuck yourself then, miya, sleep in the comfiness of the couch today and don't you dare talk to me until tomorrow" with that you were gone to the master bedroom, fighting the tears that were in your eyes

he thought nothing about it and went to the shower, thinking what was he gonna eat for dinner then go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day

-

freshly out of the shower with pajamas on, he went to the kitchen to eat something, mesmerized when he saw the little note on the oven glass

"enjoy your meal! we love you!<3"

not only that, but that you made his favorite, knowing he was gonna come home late and exhausted after practice

memories of the recent fight came to his mind, he didn't even let you talk your mind, his throat feeling heavy with the guilt that he was experiencing, maybe he should let you talk after all

contradictory to your words, he went runnint to the shared bedroom, ready to apologise for being an ass "baby, yer awake?"

"not for you" you told him trying to hide your sobs, the day was awful, your back didn't let you do anything, the meal you cooked was an hour of fighting the back pain, thinking your ‘tsunj would be happy if he found this

"okay then, good thing a have a baby I can talk to"

he knelt down in front of you, carefully placing his head on the baby bump, caressing it from time to time

"I was an ass, sorry, a bad person to yer mom today baby, a came home and told her bad things, she was hurting and a Didi care, can ya tell her sorry for me?" he felt a kick on his cheek and a smile on his face when he saw you laugh, even with the tear-stained cheeks you were beautiful

" ‘tsumu, not cool what you did today, I wasn't feeling okay and I missed you, we missed you" your voice still a little wiggly after that crying session you had with your maternity pillow

finally, first name privileges, he thought "a know, am sorry, am so sorry, ya deserve so much better angel, am sorry"

"‘s okay tsum, cuddle me as an apologize, yeah?"

he never got into bed at that speed, quickly cuddling you with hands on your tummy while giving little pecks to your neck

"ya don't have to tell me twice"

# IWAIZUMI HAJIME

before and during pregnancy you joined iwaizumi on his works out or runs from time to time, you knew he enjoyed his time doing it so, why don't join him?

today you were not feeling like it, morning sickness took over you and the bed seemed like the best place to stay all day, one day in bed wouldn't hurt, you thought

apparently it stroke a nerve on hajime "what are you doing in the bed? up! we need it go out! " '‘m sorry haji, not really feeling like it today, why don't you go and I make something when you return home?"

"what do you mean 'you don't feel like it' the only thing you do all day is laze around"

you took a deep breath before answering, knowing didn't meant what he say "well I'm sorry I'm pregnant iwaizumi, I can't help it. go on your run and we can eat something together when you return"

"fucking Clara wouldn't put this excuses on me" he murmured under his breath, hoping you didn't heard the mention of his ex partner

"repeat yourself iwaizumi hajime, I'm waiting"

"no baby— I'm sorry, I didn't mean it-"

"go out before I go out by myself iwaizumi, don't bother talk to me the rest of the day, I'm gonna make dinner and leave it on the fridge, I'm also gonna sleep in the guest room. fucking low of you iwaizumi, so fucking low"

he went out with a knot on his throat, he didn't need to bring that up— he knew you weren't feeling your best and then he still played that ex-girlfriend card. on the way back home he picked up flowers knowing you loved them, praying to anyone who was above him for your forgiveness

"I'm home"

"and I told you not to talk to me, iwaizumi"

being petty was right, the mention of his ex while carrying his first daughter because you didn't feel like going out today was bullshit, he didn't have an excuse

he looked down to the floor before closing the door and going to the living room to think about what he did, cheeks red of embarrassment because of his childish behavior

-

he waited for you to be asleep before going into the room, with the idea of carrying your to the king bed instead of this one, after all, he was the one that deserved the uncomfy room

before picking you he saw the pregnant belly, the shirt you were wearing rolled up so it was exposed to the cold air

" ‘m sorry baby, your mama doesn't deserve this, you have the right to be angry with me" tears were pricking his eyes, maybe he was thinking too ahead but would you leave him for this?

"I'm such and asshole, I hope you don't remember that lady's name" he told the fetus as if he was having an actual conversation face to face "behave for mom yeah? don't put more pressure on her than already did" with that he picked you up, without knowing you were fully awake the whole conversation

you let yourself be carried to the big bedroom, once you felt him place you on the bed, you tugged his shirt while looking at him with teary eyes "we need to talk tomorrow but please,stay hajime" you were still mad, but his company is what you were craving right now

"there's no way I'm not staying forever with you"

# SUNA RINTARO

rintaro was coming home late this past weeks but he finally had a free night! so you were excited to spend a bonding time with him and your unborn baby

finishing the little detail on the table such as the dry flowers and the candles, you hear the door being open "rinnie! you finally home! it felt like forever while waiting for you!" he gave you a sweet peck in your lips before going to his room to change his clothes

"oh~ I see you dressed fancy for the occasion! wait for me I think I have a dress that stills fits me!" "what do you mean? I'm going out with the inarizaki boys, kita is in town"

you stopped midway the hall that ended in your room, quickly walking towards your boyfriend again "what do you mean you're going out? what about what I made?"

"you made something?"

it was ridiculous to keep begging, maybe you should call it a day and watch some movies in the couch with a tube of ice cream, alone, again.

"okay then, have fun rin, don't drink to much and come home safe"

-

rin came home after a few hours out, he indeed had a good time with his old teammates but his mind was all the time one you, maybe he should have stay with you, eat some homemade food and cuddle all night while talking about nothing

he entered the house and saw you spread on the couch, huge blanket on with his highschool jersey on, long forgotten night snacks on the night table and Netflix on the tv

it wasn't only that what caught his eye but the table in the kitchen too, he walked towards it and saw it, the candles, the flower carefully placed on the middle of the table, the matching napkins and fancy plates, so that was what you were referring to earlier

guilt creeped all over his body, he didn't acknowledge your efforts to make a night for the both of you, was this negligence? he thought

going again to the couch, bending over so he would be at your height, he placed a hand on your belly before speaking

"you're allowed to be mad at me when you're born baby" he paused for a few seconds, thinking what was he gonna say next "papa is a fucking asshole— sorry, don't say that, papa is very clumsy from time to time"

"Rin?"

there you were! his hand came quickly behind your neck, pressing your forehead and noses together, lips brushing each other

"I'm sorry I'm so stupid— fuck, I really don't want to cry right now, I'm an horrible person"

you cupped his face with both your hands, eyes teary about to cry for a second time that day "you're not horrible Rin, it's just it feels lonely you know?" tears already going down your cheek, the sight made his heart ache, you were crying because of him

"I know you're out there trying to be the best for us but" your voice wiggly, you were really trying to hide the sobs you had inside "but sometimes it feels like you're not around anymore, I can't share the little moments I have because I wake up to an empty bed and go to sleep with the thought of you being out" full sobs were coming out of you at this point, days of pain finally reaching their point "and it hurts so bad not to have you around"

rintaro was crying along with you, you could feel his wet tears on your neck, where he was placing his head "and your absolutely right angel, I'm gonna be better for you– for the both of you, what about I take the day off tomorrow, yeah?" his quavering voice betraying him, even if you knew he was crying he wanted to be strong

"that sounds perfect rin... come cuddle me?"

carrying you bridal style to the bedroom, he lit your favorite candle and snuggled you under the cost sheets

"cuddle you, all day long baby"

[1111jenx]

hiii good morning jenx!! may i ask how did you find out about your psychic ability/ies? were you aware of it even when you were a kid? im sorry if this is too personal i was just curious about it ><

Hi pretty!!

I hope you're having a good morning so far and no worries its not at all personal I think I talked abt this briefly before but never got into it🥳

So I found out young, very young. Like seeing spirit animals after a family member has passed, talking to "deity", sensing their presences and being more intuitive than others. There were signs scattered around yet I did not once take it seriously. I brushed them off a lot because my mom is someone who's a certified hippie, does this 24/7 and growing up I was just like 😐naw that aint gonna be me😐 but it seems that the more I run away from it the worse it gets? Also I had this mindset from when I was younger that I am protected from evil spirits, like I know that nothing can hurt me for some reason and I don't get spooked by paranormal as others do. My little nerdy ass simply thought "Oh. I'm a good person aka my spirit is protected from all that is bad." And I say this with certainty but I think my childhood was A MESS. So its good that I started to take an interest in all of it later on in life, when I was 13ish I think. Started to talk more to my mom and got a lot of clarity haha

I think at one point its like the second I accepted it the stronger it gets? I worked with divination tools first like tarot, pendulum, runes but I was sure something was up because the voices that I hear during my readings make more senses everyday. Its incredible that once you accept that part of yourself things just align. Since then I indulged more in spirituality and theres just more signs here and there everyday. However I have only one rule though, never do Tarot for myself. There are loopholes ofcourse. But I try my best not to, especially if its about something close and personal. Daily card pull is fine but reading into a whole situation is something I refrain from doing and I'll ask other spiritual workers instead. I do this because of the 2 reasons:

1. My skeptical ass refuse to be too subjective. I need to hear it like it is and I refuse to be left out of anything I don't wanna channel into. (Unless that someone is tryna cause me harm then it's different)

2. My cards and spirits scream at me. 😀 They're just like don't you got better things to do this is not an emergency why are you trying to interfere with the energy we align for ya tf. Respectfully I think others may have this more undercontrol. But this is how my spirits work and every reading where I'm too close to the situation (excluding all the stuff we mentioned) then my guides are just gonna give me the same old answer, trust in the pLaN💀💀💀💀 So nah, I'd go to others when its like that and follow my intuition instead of doing that to myself💀💀💀

Ksks I started to change the subjects again but I did brush through a bit of it in the start, I hope this helps you baby. Just know that in the start, things never are easy at first and you'll always doubt yourself. My advice is, don't. Everything you feel and think matters. Trust your instincts baby.

love,

saint jenx🪐

[dercolaris]

Glass

Fandom: Batman

Characters: Edward Nygma, Jonathan Crane

Relationship: Edward Nygma & Jonathan Crane (None-romantic)

Genre: Hurt & Comfort

Word length: 2004

Warnings: No warnings

Status: Complete

Short Summary: Sometimes we are our own enemies and one mistake is making the fragile glass collapse.

"John?" The former psychiatrist slowly opened his eyes, blinking in surprise into the darkness around him. The brown-haired man groan softly and sat up on the hard mattress, wiping his hands a few times over his tense face. The Master of Fear moved closer to the musty wall behind him and carefully leaned the back of his head against the rock. After a while he answered calmly: "Yes, Edward?" There was a faint rustling from the neighbouring cell, suggesting that the Riddler had finally taken his place on his cot and leaned against the wall as well. The tinkerer had been brought to Arkham that night. As usual, at this point he hadn't spoken a single word to anyone. It was never easy for the younger man to accept a defeat and face the truth that his desired perfection was nothing more than a farce. The wind howled loudly through the long corridor of the prison ward. Jonathan shivered under the cool temperatures of November. The asylum was poorly isolated and left enough loopholes in the stone to drive inmates to death after a single night.

The Master of Fear stared at the bare wall without looking away, counting the seconds inwardly. The gaunt man let his breath out of his mouth, watching it turn into white mist before his eyes to finally disappear in the air. A barely audible sob drew his attention to the person in the next cell.  It was about time. The brown-haired man propped his chin on his bony hand and spoke soothingly: "You are taking it too much to heart again, Edward. You know that." The tinkerer seemed to want to maintain his control, but the strong snort could be clearly heard. The Riddler finally replied in a cracked voice: “I'm better than him, John. I swear to you. I'm fucking better than that wannabe detective. I ... I ...” His voice broke off abruptly, replaced by a muffled whimper. Jonathan slowly pulled his left leg up and set it up at an angle, wrapped his other hand around his knee. The former psychiatrist watched a small river of rainwater run down the prison wall. He brushed a loose strand of hair from his forehead and asked coolly: "Should we repeat our deep conversations from last time about your issues?" The whimpering stopped suddenly. Instead, the rustling of the thin quilt could be heard.

Edward coughed behind his fist and replied with a dry throat, "No thanks." The Master of Fear looked out into the corridor for a moment. A security guard was making his nightly tour and was using the bright flash light to illuminate the interiors of the cells. Jonathan finally hit the beam too for a moment. The man paused and growled almost angrily: “Is there actually a night when you sleep for once, Crane? My co-workers soon get nightmares when they have to see your ugly face every time they work a night shift.” The former psychiatrist put on a fake smile and gave a slight shrug. He replied cold-heartedly: "Really terrible, but my pity is actually limited for your colleagues." The guard hit the iron bars with the baton and seemed to be about to act fitting to his anger. It wouldn't be the first time an inmate had been harmed by the staff. The man finally snorted angrily, but continued down the hall without another word. Only when his steps had clearly moved away Jonathan dared to speak again: "You promised me something, Edward. Do you remember?" The tinkerer did not answer this comment for a long time. For a moment, the former psychiatrist even believed that the other had not heard him or was deliberately ignoring it. The cot squeaked a little before the Riddler replied tearfully: “What do you want to hear from me now, John? That you were right again? Are you finally satisfied and stop pushing me deeper into the dust? You're a shitty friend, if I'm even allowed to call a psychopath like you a friend.”

Jonathan suppressed a sigh. He had seen this direction of the conversation coming, of course, and yet it shook him again and again how quickly the black-haired man could be driven to defensive reactions. Basically, the former psychiatrist hadn't even said anything hurtful or criticizing by now. His entire non-verbal attack took place in the mind of the tinkerer and apparently already with such an intensity that he became hostile towards him. Jonathan crossed his arms over his narrow chest and spoke matter-of-factly: “I only reminded you of a promise that you made to me during the last stay. Nothing more, but nothing less either.” At these words, the addressed person seemed to continue to crouch on the wet mattress. Whimpering sounds came from the other cell again. A loud scream suddenly echoed from the depths of the wing, followed by completely incomprehensible words and scraps of sentences. Jervis seemed to be hallucinating vigorously again. The Riddler sniffed hesitantly and replied, completely defeated: "How the hell am I supposed to be able to look myself in the eyes with pride when I make one stupid mistake after another and the whole world is constantly laughing at me." Jonathan looked down at the icy cold stone floor.

A malnourished rat crawled eagerly towards the small desk, frantically gnawing at the brittle wood. She seemed to be freezing. The Master of Fear leaned forward with a smile and lowered his arm towards the animal. When his hand almost touched the ground, the rat willingly hopped up on his fingers, climbing onto the former psychiatrist's lap. There the rodent finally curled up and sought shelter from the cold between the brown-haired man's legs, clearly shivering. The thin man gently stroked the rat's thin fur as he reassuringly replied: "I'm not laughing at you, Edward, so it's not the whole world." The tinkerer snorted contemptuously and called back a little too loudly: "Can you do anything else than lecture everyone around you?" The beam of the flash light slowly came closer again. It wasn't a minute before the guard's angry face appeared in front of the bars. He cracked his fingers threateningly and hissed angrily: "I have told Dr. Young so many times that it's not a good idea to put you guys together again. Please talk quietly, otherwise I'll get uncomfortable. Understand?” Neither of the two answered this question. The guard seemed to interpret this as consent and shortly thereafter disappeared back into the guard's house. Jonathan leaned his head back against the wall and said gently: “I'm just trying to help you. Your constant urge for validation is a heavy curse on your shoulders and will eventually eat you up from the inside. You've also been desperately looking for recognition in the wrong places for years. It's hard to watch you doing the same mistakes all over again."

Edward suddenly hit the wall hard with his fist. The former psychiatrist seemed to have hit a nerve. The tinkerer hissed almost aggressively: “Shut up, Crane! You don't know anything about me! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! You can put your shitty diploma and years of experience somewhere else or up your ass!” Jonathan could hear the Riddler's ego slowly crumbling. Sharp-edged splinters trickled onto the floor, drawing wide circles around the feeble villain on the damp cot. Meanwhile, the lean man lovingly scratched the rat's head. The rodent seemed visibly comfortable in the orange fabric of the prison clothing and sunk the little claws deeper into the thin pants. After a while the older one asked calmly: "Why are you so angry, Edward?" Silence. Even the tinker's crying stopped after this simple question. Jonathan relaxed his eyes and waited. He knew the Riddler would not find an answer that would allow him not to ponder the real cause of his anger. The black-haired man started to speak, but didn't seem to find the right words. Finally he replied curtly: "I don't know." The former psychiatrist pulled the rancid blanket over his legs. Edward had perfected his ability to lie to himself and to convince others of it over the last ten years. The brown-haired man scratched his stubbly chin before answering: "I thought we were past this point right now, but if you prefer to lie to me or rather to yourself, we can end this conversation now."

Jonathan wandered with his bony fingers on the back of the rat, which tiredly rolled over on its stomach and enjoyed the gentle touch. He knew that the Riddler would eventually collapse under the tremendous pressure of his thoughts. A longed-for breakdown that could open new passages for better treatments. The black-haired man suddenly stuttered, clearly frightened: "John, please wait, I ..." The former psychiatrist looked leisurely back at the musty wall, gently moving his fingers in a circular motion on the fur. More splinters soiled the floor in the neighbouring cell, trickled down from a shattered statue and gradually slipped between the bars out into the corridor of the asylum. The Master of Fear did not dare utter a sound at that moment. The wind began to force its way through the cracks in the wall again. Finally, the brown-haired man heard the tinkerer's voice again, but this time much more concerned and uncertain than before: "It hurts to hear the truth, John."

The former psychiatrist nodded approvingly, even if the Riddler couldn't really see the gesture. Jonathan replied after a while sensitively: “I know, but only by facing the truth you can find your way out of this precarious situation and at some point realize that you have a firm place in this world even without constant validation from others. You don't have to prove to anyone that you are worth living.” The Master of Fear put the now sleeping rat on his pillow and covered it with the warming blanket. Then he carefully got up from the bunk and went to his desk, looking for a notepad among the several books. While he was looking for it, the Riddler began to speak again: "My heart has probably understood this to some extent, but my mind vehemently defends itself against this realization." Jonathan took his pen in his hand and wrote a few lines on the yellowed paper. He stopped suddenly, thought hard. The older one finally replied reassuringly: "I want to give you something again for this stay, Edward. A piece of paper just like last time.”

The Master of Fear folded the paper once, then stepped to the iron bars and handed it as best he could in the direction of the neighbouring cell. It took a few seconds for the Riddler to get up from his position and move to the entrance of his cell. For a brief moment their fingers touched while Edward reached for the paper. Then both disappeared back into their own solitude behind the bars. Jonathan sat down on the bunk again and bedded his head against the cold wall behind him. The loud squeaking from the other side suggested that Edward was also back in his previous place. There was an inaudible clang as the tinker's glass figure shattered into thousands of pieces. The former psychiatrist listened to the bitter weeping behind the wall and felt a heavy load fall from his heart. He explained sensitively: “Please internalize these words. In your case we sometimes have to take a different path to finally help you appropriately. Good night.” Edward stared at this piece of paper for a long time, even after Jonathan was long asleep. A tear dripped onto the paper. The tinkerer closed his eyes tightly and whispered into the cold room: "Thank you John." A flawed statue had been broken that night. A questionable work of art that was built from glass so brittle that even the splinters could not be put back together again. However, at the same time, a new base was set for building something more stable - it would just take time.

[rexeipts]

Monday Morning Rewatch Thoughts

This episode was disappointing. I think the last episode would have served as a better mid-season finale personally. Thoughts below:

Annie

- The plot of, “I wasn’t Ben,” and Annie being motivated to keep Ben in his current school for that reason is amazing. That is the kind of plot I want, and care about, for Annie. I love that they have included Ben’s transition into the story line in a way that it isn’t the main focus and that Ben has other pieces of characterization and other challenges/points of conflict than just his transition, but that they haven’t shied away from it when it makes sense.

- The financial aid lady is a down.ass.bitch. for telling Annie to just go find some guy she’s slept with the put down on the paperwork. I’m sorry, but that was great of her to be like listen here’s a loophole so you can help your kid and I will not ask questions. 

- I did not like the Kevin (name?) storyline at first because it just didn’t make sense? And I did not like his characterization at the auction of being the “trashy homeless guy” who eats way too much food and steals dogs. I felt like he had more to him when he told Annie that he doesn’t want to be a favor to her. I think she has more chemistry with him than any other guy we have seen her with (including Greg, sue me) and I’m actually looking forward to a possible storyline of her and him falling in love via being awkward roommates. I am hoping it has a current of don’t judge a book by it’s cover, and that Kevin is someone who is a good person and has an interesting story that brings Annie to some sort of realization about herself.

Ruby/Stan

- I HATED... yes... HATED Beth in the scene where Stan was going over the game plan. She was so damn condescending. Stan was biting his tongue and being as polite as he could be, but she was fucking rude. Point blank. Rude. 

- Because of that, I loved the scene where he called Beth out. And he is fucking right. And you know what? He even threw her a bone that she was ignored in her home for so many years. Which is fucking true, and made the conversation SO much more nuanced than just Stan calling her out. It made it sooo much more complex that he mentions her motivations. He has known this woman like a family member to his own family for decades. It makes sense he would see and understand the nuances of why she is doing what she’s doing. I hope it is foreshadowing for something more to come. 

- Sarah and Ruby have the best chemistry of any parent/child relationship in my opinion. I love watching them on screen even for just a few moments. 

- Ruby’s, “I did it for me,” at the end was remniscient of Beth telling Dean, “I wanted to,”. Yes, thank you. Ruby is not a yes man. She did this shit for her family, for her kids, for herself. As much as I think Beth might try to be in charge and often is, it was a good reminder that Ruby is still in there and still has a backbone. She has called Beth out with stealing the Tesla, with the sex tape, etc. before and I want that energy back.

- Annie and Ruby having a sweet moment together on the bench was great, I love them together. They’re so fun but also so so sweet.

Beth/Dean

- She’s with fricken Dean again this week.

- Beth’s eyebrows and wig are fucking terrible. Someone CHILL with the eyebrow filler.

- Was Rio just watching Dean and Beth? Like hanging out waiting? He was like RIGHT THERE when Dean got up. Was he behind a tree watching Dean with his arm around Beth just boiling? 

- Dean being pitied by the guy he was trying to sell product to was great. He has been knocked down so many pegs. But also, it was a waste of fucking screen time.

- Not so easy to get out from under someone’s thumb, huh Deansie? How’s it feel to be a dumb ass yet again? A year’s supply of skin care? Guessing Beth is gonna have to bail him out which is again a waste of screen time and something no one gives a shit about seeing.

-  The fact that Dean thinks he was good at selling cars is just... sad.

- Beth being a “bad bitch” and selling purses to the husbands who went to see strippers is completely undermined by her being a doormat for Dean who is a sexist, condescending pig who cheated, lied about cancer, and has not shown a single ounce of respect for her as a woman outside of her ability to raise children and make cookies.

- I do not want to see a storyline of Beth trying to get money to leave and go to Nevada or wherever. I know the show runners have said Beth will realize she can’t escape Rio if they’re in the same town, so that is what this storyline is going to be. Her trying to escape Rio yet again. This has been drawn out long enough now. This episode was so confusing and weird. Like her and Rio got the trust of the SS just so the agents could leave? Their relationship advancement, her making this choice of him or SS, etc. was for... what? The drama of the last episode was because of... what exactly? What was the entire point of the SS storyline if it literally put us no where? I’m asking sincerely if anyone has thoughts.

- I don’t want to see Beth and Dean anymore. I am fucking exhausted of seeing Beth and Dean. I am over it. I spent almost this entire episode on my phone because I was bored. The Beth being sweet to Dean storyline is so so so far past where it made any logical sense to the plot. There has been no advancement or progress. She’s supposed to be in a love triangle? We have seven episodes left and there has been absolutely zero progress in her and Dean’s situation. I will be looking for some fucking conflict in this next episode with Dean seeing Rio otherwise I have little to no hope for the Brio ship going forward.

Rio/Nick

-  Rio is the spider that Dave talked about right? That he couldn’t get and so he never went back in the bed?

- Nick is a pathetic pussy, and so is his bodyguard. Mick is the only ‘muscle’ I want on my screen. Thanks.

- The bullet wounds not being there is unacceptable. Not just because it completely minimizes the fact that this man was shot in the chest three times and left to die, but also just from a plot standpoint. Like this was the entire storyline of season 3. Wtf. I understand Dean’s not being there, because that was treated as a minimal storyline. But Beth shooting Rio was the entire basis of season 3′s conflict. It’s bizarre and completely unacceptable.

- I posted a little while back about stereotypes, guessing that Nick was going to push Rio and Beth together by stereotyping them both and not seeing the deeper connection between them. Tooting my own horn because this is exactly what Nick did. Beth is the soccer mom, Rio the “gangster”.

- Nick and Dean are the same force for Rio and Beth, respectively. They’re both oppressors. They both don’t get it, the draw between the two. Beth and Rio both try to minimize their relationship, admitting only to sex and nothing more, to their oppressors. Beth used to want to get out from Dean’s grasp and Rio currently does with Nick. Both Dean and Nick have put this other person in a box, minimized them to nothing more than a stereotype, taken away their choices, taken away their power and control. How Beth does not realize Dean is her oppressor and not Rio is fucking beyond me.

- Nick doesn't have kids, so who was the kid referring to Rio as his uncle? The female cousin’s child? Let’s see more of her and less of Dean please.

- Rio literally couldn’t cope the second Nick brought up Beth. He walked away like a love-struck teenage idiot not wanting to admit that he made a bad decision over a girl. I’m curious about this. I hope we find out more of why Rio did it. Did he do it just to scare Beth into submission because he knew he couldn’t hurt her? Or was there a layer of thinking Lucy was a threat to Beth? Because Lucy was pissed at Beth. Or a layer of trying to feign still having power in front of his boys but not being able to hurt Beth? 

- Rio’s voice is so raspy at the end, he’s so tired and beaten down, literally and figuratively. And I cannot catch the meaning behind “sometimes it’s worth it”, to be yourself? He sounded so... just sad and down when he said it. It sounded so vulnerable. 

- It is not, I repeat, not a storyline they should go down of thinking it is cool/fun/sexy/empowering/feminist for this “gangbanger” to be in love with the housewife and for her to not reciprocate and then torment him. It’s not. 

Promo/Going Forward:

- I think we have seen confirmation that Rio will lie/keep things from Nick. I think Rio gave Beth the plates, and they will be working together going forward. I hope.

- Rio chilling in the backroom of PP with Beth, so chill, so nonchalant, put me in the ground.

- In the below shot, you can see Rio still sitting there with his hand on his chin as Beth talks to Dean. This scene better be LOADED. Go ahead and mention them banging, Dean. That will be fun. But also I want to see Beth try to talk her way out of it. Go ahead and try to tell Dean you didn’t have a choice Elizabeth. Go ahead and try to minimize what this is when Rio is sitting there listening. That will be golden conflict. I want to see Rio realize the dynamic between Beth and Dean, see him see how submissive and pathetic she is when Dean is around, see how Dean belittles her, and then use that against her to pull her out of her shell. I want to see Beth try to minimize her relationship with Rio, see him call her out on that too. Idk. This scene has been four seasons coming so it better not be a disappointment.

[techmomma]

I made big progress with my trauma recovery the other day! I’m really proud of doing a very hard thing, and honestly doing so made me feel so much better.

Said growth involves realizing some unfun things, so y’know, look out for that under the read more, even if I consider this a hopeful, uplifting realization by the end. Christ this is long, have fun reading this word wall.

So I essentially lived in a bitter divorce household. Y’know, when the two parents have an awful, agonizing divorce that pits the kids’ loyalties against each parent and each other and themselves.

I grew up in that. Except they never actually divorced. Or separated. Not till after I’d moved out, anyway. So 20+ years of living in a household where my parents flip-flopped between “trying to make it work” and “screaming at each other and bitterly trying to corral their kids in this us-vs-them, me vs your other parent toxic tug of war.”

Why didn’t they divorce? Codependency and religious pressure because both were previous divorcees, one was an excommunicated catholic because of this, and the other was a narcissist who couldn’t admit defeat and made a promise to god to make it work for fear of the shame that would come from failing again! What a winning pair! Who definitely did not mutually cheat on one another and then act scandalized and eternally vindictive about this.

Anyway, what this meant for Steph’s psyche was every day was an eternal battleground of loyalty tests. Any disagreement was disloyalty. Saying the wrong thing could be taken as disloyalty. Yet, y’know. You don’t want to be disloyal to the other parent that you love. You don’t wanna throw them under the bus. You just wanna say what you saw happened.

Which meant every answer became this tightrope of not only validating and appeasing one parent’s ego, but also finding the diplomatic thing to say so as not to implicate the other parent, or get that parent in trouble, or appear disloyal because that too could come around to bite you in the ass. Sometimes we agreed with what one parent was saying, but taking issue with a small part or one aspect? This was seen as fully disagreeing and being disloyal.

You can imagine the pressure this put on an already socially-awkward kid, ages 4-20, to find the exact correct thing to say. It rarely worked out.

But I figured out a clever loophole early on: if I shut down, if I didn’t make a peep, if I said not one word—sure. That parent would be mad at me for not responding. They’d be made I wasn’t saying anything. They might yell louder, or guilt me, or threaten me with some form of humiliation.

But not saying anything was so, so much better than any alternative. Never once did speaking up end well.

If you know about pavlovian training, you can probably quickly see the conditioning that was set in. Parent would state an opinion, about anything. Give validation. Parent looks for validation about shitty feelings about other people? Don’t say a peep, let parent be mad, and eventually they’ll either get so frustrated they give up, or they say their piece and get whatever was on their chest off of it. Either way, they leave me alone. Maybe after three hours of screaming at me, but three hours could turn into six if I made them more mad by disagreeing or seeming disloyal.

And for the record, when I talk about loyalty, I’m not saying they were asking about actual loyalty. They wanted me to agree with their opinions. They wanted me to be on their side, their ally, no matter what the other parent said. It was all or nothing. “You’re with me or against me.”

Made all the more complicated that sometimes, if you seemed disloyal to the other parent, the supposed “enemy” in the situation, the first parent might berate you for that too. “How could you talk about your mother/father that way? How could you say those things?” Despite having been saying worse things minutes before.

They were volatile. The smallest, stupidest things could become full-blown arguments that could last for hours, at the top of their lungs. After which they might turn that to us, the kids, to get out whatever was left in their system I guess. Small questions, statements, became tests. Answer wrong, and there would be hell to pay. The most innocuous things could become loyalty tests. But most of all, the most discerning tests came when they were complaining about the other. When Dad complained about Mom, and when Mom complained about Dad. “Agree with me,” they said between lines, “Are you on my side? Aren’t they terrible?”

I just wanted to love both of my parents. I never wanted to choose.

My epiphany came when I realized that when others seek comfort from me, when looking for validation during shitty events or people being mean to them—y’know, normal things people do with friends—I was having emotional flashbacks. I was being triggered into a state of trauma, my brain receding to that familiar shutdown state. Terrified that whatever I say to comfort them, whatever I say to help them feel better, would be taken as a loyalty test. To voice even slight disagreement could be disloyalty.

My friends had never tested me. But my brain was reacting so firmly and my body so wholly that I had no idea. I try to be aware of my emotional states and how my body reacts but this shutdown response has just been so normal for so long, and such a large bodily feeling, that I never noticed what it was. And it wasn’t until watching a video about this type of situation, feeling like you have to validate someone not necessarily from a place of concern but of fear, that I realized what was happened.

I realized how deep the rabbit hole went. This has been happening for decades. At work, when coworkers would complain or even just chat normally about other coworkers, my brain was shutting down out of fear that my loyalty was being tested, I was being scrutinized for disagreement. When customers talked about my coworkers, my brain was shutting down, terrified to say the wrong thing and either disagree with said customer or throw my coworker under the bus. I shut down when friends talk about other friends, when people talk about other people and maybe I agree, but there’s an aspect or idea in the situation that I don’t agree with, or maybe I’m just seeing things differently from an outside perspective.

But every time, I was terrified. I was so scared that my brain returned to trauma, returned to that shutdown state from childhood (and some adulthood), because shutting down, previously, had always yielded the better result. Staying quiet, keeping my head empty and my thoughts blank, kept me safe for twenty years.

And now I can’t hear other people talking in a room without returning to that same shutdown state, for fear that they are arguing and I will be forced to choose between people. To love one friend more than another. Forced to pick a side, forced to soothe their emotions because if I don’t, things will be so many times worse. Heaven forbid they have disagreeing opinions, even if they’re calmly sorting them out, communicating in a healthy way. God help me if they’re actually arguing. I can’t think, I can’t even speak sometimes, voice pulled tight like I’m being strangled; I can’t even squeak out a sound. It hurts too much. It hurts so much.

Sometimes I can hear people through my earbuds or headphones and all I can do is lay on my bed and plug my ears with my fingers as tight as possible and try to hum a song, try to force a mantra to drown out the sound as I desperately try to soothe myself with some kind of stim, even if it’s just rocking side to side on the bed.

I knew I had problems with listening to people disagreeing. But I realized the other day how deep the rabbit hole goes. How often, daily sometimes, I’ve been having emotional flashbacks. How thoroughly this has been effecting my life, my relationships, my sanity.

It’s been so exhausting. Realizing how many things connect back to this central issue of toxic loyalty that I grew up with, how thoroughly engrained this trauma is in my life. Realizing I’ve been having emotional flashbacks almost every day, for decades.

I’m so tired.

But I’m really glad I did. It’s putting a name to the beast. I am finally getting to the heart of an issue that was so much larger than I originally thought but in turn, there is so much potential to truly grow and heal. If I know the beast, then I can know how to face it. I can know how to use CBT therapy for this, how to weaken it to progress. And I’m really glad for it.

I also did something very hard: directly forcing myself to face it, and told my roommates about this deep-set fear. I realized that I don’t often just talk about how I’m feeling, I usually do so in the context of like having an issue or a problem that we need to talk out or talk through. I don’t usually just say, “I’m really really scared of this thing.”

I told my roommates this realization and like the wonderful, amazing friends they are, they understood. It’s an internal problem for me, something just for me to work on. It’s my issue. But now... they know that if I go quiet when discussing other people, or leave the room when disagreements are happening, I’m not just trying to blow them off or or be wishy-washy. I imagine there have been many times in the past when a friend has come in need of support and my answer came across weird or like I was trying to change the subject and it was awkward and not what they were hoping for.

Now they know that my response might be weird because I’m having a flashback. I’m scared, my brain is shutting down and I can’t think.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to be scared in front of my friends. It’s okay to experience that trauma in front of them. I don’t have to try to pretend I’m okay or try to push through the fear when I really, really can’t. It’s okay to need a subject change or even to just listen quietly if I don’t necessarily want my friend to stop venting, I just may not be able to answer in a beneficial way. I may be shutting down and sometimes all I can do is wait it out. And that’s okay.

I don’t have to validate other people because I’m scared. Because I think I’m being tested.

I felt better not just because talking about these things helps but also because a weight was lifted. One of my main triggers is feeling like I have to respond and have to respond correctly Or Else. But now that they know, that weight is off of my shoulders. I can be afraid and not able to respond and they understand why now. I don’t have to try to keep up that lie or try to put on a face or try to push through it.

I can be scared. And letting yourself be scared is the first step to healing from it. I don’t have to pretend to not be scared anymore.

I always know I’ve hit the hammer on the head when it comes to my emotional issues because I start crying and even just typing this out made me weepy, haha. It’s a good weepy though. I made a big step, and I’m really proud of myself. My instinct was to take this and agonize quietly over it myself, find my own solution on my own and deal with it on my own. But I didn’t. I reached out, and it was scary and hard and it hurt and now I’m so, so much better off for it, and now I can really start healing. I can change this.

God I’m so tired tho. Holy shit.

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 6x14 Page 23

Okay what episode do we have today?

Ah okay, a Regina centric. That’s cool.

Is that the same guard Snow stripped naked in 1x16? Whaaaat?! Just looked it up and it totally is! Awesome call back! I’m going to name him Jim.

Oh my God, she killed Jim!!

Wait, so this has to be after Heart of Darkness.

The terrified look on that woman’s face when Regina strokes her chin, looks at her longingly and tells her she loves her. Omg Regina was in love with this woman all along! It was never about Daniel. It was about Christina! I’m naming her Christina. 

They are my otp now.

How did Tinker Bell get out of neverland? Pan decides when people leave, and I doubt he’d let her leave just to pay a visit with the Evil Queen. But then and again maybe it was all part of his big plan.

Oh. Pixie dust doesn’t dictate who your true love is. It just shows you possibilities. That’s not what you said before, Tinker Bell!

Regina, we all know you spared her because she’s your ex-girlfriend.

Actually, this visit from Tinker Bell is odd because she doesn’t seem angry at all like when she, like, wanted to kill Regina in 3x03. How did she go from, “okay. I lost my wings because of you but it’s all cool. I just want my otp together.” to “I’m gonna f***ing drug you with pixie dust and rip your heart out!”?

Also, this is the Evil Queen I like to see. So cold, terrifying and breaking on the inside. I’m not a fan of the humorous one in 6x02. I wish Split Queen was more like this as well. Ah different writers and director. Interesting.

Split Queen: “…not some burlap-loving peasant who sleeps on dirt.” Wish Robin: “Excuse me, I sleep on hay.” Important distinction!

Snow’s so excited about the wedding, bless her.

Lol Zelena just drags Emma’s hand to look at her ring. My girl loves shiny things! And how could I forget, her otp is getting married! She is in heaven right now!

I love Emma just casually talking to Zelena like they’re gal pals at a sleepover. More of this please! 

I can see what sqers say about this scene. Regina really does look hurt by the notion of Emma getting married. There is no heterosexual reason for her to react like this unless she’s in love with Hook. I think this is the only time they hug. Man, I feel so bad for sqers because upon this rewatch I can really see where they are coming from with that interpretation. It’s definitely there. And then they hug because Emma’s getting married to someone else. I would be so upset if that was my otp. What am I talking about, I watched 10 seasons of Smallville as a hardcore Chloe x Clark shipper. I think this exact scenario played out and it freaking hurts! 

In other news, I am so in love with Snow. Have I mentioned that? I feel like I haven’t mentioned it in a while and it needs to be said. 

I’m also in love with David, in case you forgot. I want to join their marriage. Can I join their marriage? I’m joining their marriage. Emma, I’m your mummy now. Don’t think about the age difference too much. 

I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate already today. Can you tell? I feel so alive! I want to share my social security number and be freeee!! I am trying to block out my anxiety about having to move house again next friday. Yep, that’s right, 4th place in two years. I think I will write all of these high on chocolate.

What would happen if you cut your hair with those sheers? Or your garden bush? No, that is not a euphemism, you dirty bastards (affectionate). 

I haven’t had a haircut in 10 years. Holy cow! That’s why my afro is so big, it’s full of secrets. 

Nemo is your dad now, Hook. Even though I’m pretty sure he’s a lot younger than you. 

He called him “My boy.” hehe.

I remember when I thought Hook and Rumple had the same mother. That would have been quite the twist.

I thought that vase of flowers was a giant cauliflower. Did you know broccoli, cauliflower, cabbages, brussels sprouts and turnips are all related? I wonder what thanksgivings are like when they all get together. Probably not fun for them. 

See what I did there xD? 

Emma: “This is my fault. I’m the one who convinced you to bring him here. It’s on me.” Regina: “Emma, you don’t have anything to make up for. You were just trying to help.” Omg, this compared to when she told Emma she’d ruined her life because Emma saved Marian. The development. I really appreciate this change because I nearly lost it with Regina when that was her attitude. 

Screw it, I’m making bean enchiladas. Brb. I’ll save you some!

I’m back! They’re in the oven. Anyone wants the recipe hmu! They’re veggie! 

You just know Split Queen and Wish Robin have a sexy dungeon in their castle. They just do.

Enchanted ropes would have been useful in so many situations.

The enchiladas are ready! Repeat after me, Becky: “I will remember oven gloves this time, I will remember oven gloves this time.”

Robin is so into Split Queen. He wants her to live with him and everything, even though they just met. 

I don’t think that arrow would have taken her to Robin since it takes her to the thing she loves most. She can’t love someone she’s never met. We all know it would shoot Christina right in the ass. That’s true love biatches! Evil Peasant 5ever!

Oh snap! Emma found Hook looking at himself killing her grandfather??! I completely forgot about this!

Why does she say, “That’s David’s father”? Why doesn’t she say, “That’s my grandfather,” or “That’s my dad’s dad”? She hasn’t called her dad ‘David’ in years. It’s like she’s trying to separate herself from the victim as much as possible.

She’s not even a little bit upset he killed her dad’s dad? That that event caused her father so much pain? She’s just infuriated that he tried to burn his memory. I mean, yes, she should be angry about that but where’s the empathy for her dad at least? I didn’t know any of my grandfathers well but if I found out I was engaged to someone who did that I would be angry for my grandparent, angry for my parent and angry for myself. I’m just speechless that that’s all she cares about. It seems so out of character. But then and again Regina had her other grandad killed. 

And now he’s gonna leave because he rightfully got told off. Can’t say I’d offer the same thing but she said, “until you’re ready” not “you’ll never be ready”, dude. 

I think he’s just scared David will punch him in the face at this point. It’s the only explanation for doing the exact opposite thing Emma asked of him.

“Captain Hook is always welcome on the Nautilus.” More like welcome on the naughty list after that stunt.

She doesn’t want a man, Henry Sr. She just confessed her deep, passionate, sexual love for Christina like 20 minutes ago, remember? Sometimes I wonder why I bother. It’s not even subtext, dude. Get it together, man.

Why don’t they fight themselves with magic?

Her dad is so heartbroken the person Regina hates most is herself. 

That is really sad that the person she hates most his herself. I can relate.

Yes! Launch those apples at yourself! 

My conversations with myself be like-

Oh boy. This is too reminiscent of conversations with myself. Yes, I sword fight myself wearing a fancy black, cleavage-revealing dress in my head all the time. Only joking, I wear trilby hats. 

Oh okay. Now they’re tying each other up. I see what this is really about. I still haven’t bleached the “we do like it rough, don’t we Regina?” line from my mind. 

I suppose she did take back some of her own darkness. But I was hoping she would just merge herself back together. That would have been a really predictable outcome, but I just would have preferred it. 

This scene is so weird lol, but it helped me tremendously. I used to hate myself so, so much. You don’t even understand. It was like a violent hatred for myself for not fitting in and for every single little mistake I’d ever made. Then with a lot of self- healing and the help of this episode I began my journey into loving myself. I wrote on a sticky note “Love yourself. If the Evil Queen can do it, so can you.” and stuck it to my wall. Nothing I’ve done is comparable to what the Evil Queen has done and if she can learn to love herself, why can’t everyone else. Anyone who’s struggling with self-hatred, please take this episode to heart. You are worthy of love, most importantly from yourself. Any time you find yourself hating yourself just try to remember this scene and that the flipping Evil Queen of all people recognised the importance of self-love and didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought. She damn well gave herself a chance. I’ve heard a good technique is looking in the mirror and telling yourself what you love about you. Even if you’re not feeling it at first, you could get into the habit of it and your brain will start to accept those words as true. Because they are true.

Aww she sees the Charmings as her family. 

Regina: “it did give me hope when I needed it most, and that is just as important.” Oh my God, preach the word Regina! Regina is preaching with fire today! 

It’s like she’s having a therapy session with herself. I need to do that. I really do. Then I need to get actual therapy lol xD. But baby steps! 

Okay. A loophole as to how he can change Split Queen’s story. You know what, at this point I’ve learnt just to go with it.

Can Snow and Zelena be best friends? Please. It’s literally all I want in life. And to join Snowing’s marriage. I’m not asking for much. I’ll talk about it in self-therapy.

Henry’s got Gideon’s haircut now. He wants to be cool like his uncle.

I want to look at myself with the love and adoration Regina looks at herself with. We should all get to that point where we look like we’re about to intensely make out with ourselves when we look in the mirror. 

I know what they were doing with page 23. I just wish Split Queen had changed her outfit so it could have been exactly like the page illustration. But I don’t think it was meant to predict the future. It was just one of Isaac’s fanfictions, wasn’t it? Hmm. I think it was a mystery to him as well if I can remember correctly.

It’s nice that oq shippers got their ship in the end in one form.

Snow is just constantly high up to her eyeballs on hope, bless her. 

Emma needs a dog. She seems like such a dog person.

Also, that enchilada was yumilicious, if I do say so myself.

[mickstart]

what do you think are some iconic/memorable schumi moments? i just got into f1 and would like to know more about him bc somehow i can’t really find anything like that about him.... just stats which are incredibly impressive but i can’t find anything about how he behaved or just anything about his personality..... thanks <3

:) Hi anon, thank you for unleashing the beast.

Ok I love you for asking me this thank you SO MUCH. Welcome to the circus I’m glad you’re here! Also yeah, Schumi is often talked about in terms of statistics and not as a human, Which is a shame bc like! Schumi is fascinating and the dynamics on the grid in late 90s F1 is so much fun! Also, this is mainly going to be late 90s -> early 2010s stuff bc I was born in 98 so uhhh I didn’t properly witness ANY 90s stuff and had to learn about it.

OK so I got super carried away but I’ve divided this into 3 sections: Drives/races that I think showcase some of his talents, human moments we need to talk about more, and Chaotic Little Bitch moments. The key thing to remember w/ Schumi is that he personally tends to be nice but as soon as you put him in a competition, Bastard Mode activates like a cat’s pupils going wide.

I am so sorry for the following short essay. Also some crashes are briefly mentioned but only ones with absolutely no injuries and there’s no details.

Chaotic Little Bitch Moments

Schumi debuted as a SUBSTITUTE driver for Jordan when one of their drivers was in police custody (yes. really.) The highest a Jordan had qualified all year was 10th and in his DEBUT at SPA, one of the toughest tracks, in the middle of the season, Schumi qualified that Jordan 7th! THEN his clutch failed before the first lap was even complete, but Benetton and Jordan WENT TO COURT to fight each other to sign him for their team before the next race in Monza. He couldn’t debut normally he HAD to cause a scene and set the tone.

The Red Strings of Fate: He qualified 7th, his iconic 7 starred helmet, his first victory next year was ALSO at Spa - his first complete race would be at Monza, Ferrari Holy Ground, and he finished 5th which 👀 1) he was immediately racing with The Greats. 2) Mr 5 Championships With Ferrari.

Winning a race by taking a stop and go penalty on the last lap, crossing the finish line in the pits, and making such a complicated argument about said penalty that in a hearing that was SUPPOSED to be Mclaren protesting the race result the stewards scrapped the entire penalty and the 3 who awarded it handed in their licenses??? Iconic.

Austria 2002 where Rubens was ordered to give the win to Michael. And then Michael fucking made him stand on the top step on the podium like “oh no no no RUBENS deserves this” and made a big SHOW out of it and its like “Michael stop you’re not making it heartwarming you’re making it WORSE Michael STOP” The Tension of germany 2010 podium VS the theatricality of THIS podium.

Team orders were banned because of this which also makes this indirectly responsible for Fernando Is Faster Than You having to be a coded message. You can’t escape him,

Blocking Alonso in Monaco qualifying and then, years later in 2010, overtaking Alonso technically illegally at Monaco (the race was ending under safety car, but the safety car doesn’t lead them over the line it pits and they’d crossed the safety car line and the regulations were NOT specific about the rules) and getting a 20 second penalty bc Damon Hill was a steward. Haunting FERNANDO specifically at Monaco like the ghost of christmas past? Getting a harsh penalty because ANOTHER driver he’d fucked over was a steward? Forcing the FIA to rewrite the rulebook to account for his nonsense when he was in his FOURTIES? I don’t know another chaos king.

Winning the 1995 championship by crashing into Damon Hill, getting AWAY with it for some reason, and then trying to do the same thing in 1997 to Villeneuve, failing to do so and simply rebounding off of him harmlessly, almost COMICALLY, and beaching his own car in a gravel trap at which point the FIA said “I have had ENOUGH of you Wacky Races Man!” and disqualified him from the entire championship

Forcing Mika off the track so bad at Spa 2000 that Mika realized the only way he was gonna be able to get past him was to re-invent the overtake and go for it whilst they were passing a backmarker. (The overtake itself is at 2:05 in the video but the build up to it is Important bc the key part it’s not just badass, it only happened bc Mika knew who he was dealing with.)

Spa 1998 was a Ridiculously Chaotic race it truly was the Mugello 2020 of its year, and after a crash at the start that took out almost the entire grid Schumi accidentally collided with Coulthard later in the race. (The teams used to have a spare car at every race then, so the race was able to continue after a restart.) This wasn’t a racing thing, Coulthard was getting lapped. So something in Schumi SNAPS, and he storms down the pitlane and tries to fight Coulthard while the mclaren and ferrari mechanics both hold him back and finally drag him away. He projected into the future, saw Coulthard was gonna talk non-stop shit about Seb, and acted accordingly.

Monaco 2012 Pole don’t talk to me about this I still can’t believe the audacity of this man to get the only pole of his comeback, at MONACO, at the ONE RACE where he had a 5 place grid penalty to take!!

In general, I know Cheating Bad but. I HAVE to admire the brainpower it must take to have the rulebook so memorized that whilst driving an F1 car Schumi could spot a loophole the size of the eye of a needle and then dance through it, forcing the FIA to add ANOTHER page to the rule book specially for him bc nobody else even REALISED that loophole existed.

Human Moments

A quick rant about Mika and Schumi’s entire friendship. After Spa 2000 Mika goes up to Michael, says something like “Don’t ever do that again” then they’re friends again. They had this mutual understanding that Racing was not Reality. This goes all the way back to their F3 days they were rivals AND friends for their entire career. They truly were the Sewis of the era if Sebastian was like 50% more evil. Their entire dynamic is “You’re the only motherfucker in this pit lane who can handle me”. Schumi would do some bullshit and every other driver would throw up their hands in frustration and Mika would just go “Okay” and drive better to put him in his place bc he was the only one who could keep up, and Schumi very visibly LOVED that he’s grinning after Mika owns his entire ass with that overtake at Spa. They were unstoppable force meets immovable object and I’m so sad their rivalry isn’t more talked about bc the way Mika is the only driver who can get him to behave like a normal human being is SO entertaining.

This is a sad one so I won’t link it but he started crying in the 2000 Monza press-conference with his brother and Mika when he equaled one of Senna’s records. The press kept trying to ask questions about it and Mika just has this death grip on his shoulder and tries to get them to stop or let them take a break and it’s so sad but also important to know about.

Once said he didn’t want Mick to race in F1 bc the pressure of his name would put Mick under so much stress and he wanted his son to be happy. (He fully supported Mick in his endeavors! But only after making absolutely sure it was what Mick wanted, and making sure he knew he could just race for fun if he wanted and it didn’t have to be F1)

This whole interview just after Mick was born with the Schumacher family. Special shout out to Gina on his head the entire video and also Corinna talking to the press while Michael is captivated by Mick. Me too Michael.

Once allegedly pleaded to take a stray kitten home from the track?

I reblogged this yesterday but. Sticking like glue to Sebastian at an F1 test and immediately being like “This is my new son he’s gonna go far”. There’s a lot of pictures out there also of Michael being a guest at the karting races Seb went to as a kid and baby Seb visibly losing his fucking mind at being given a trophy by his idol. Every day of my life I think about him trying to ruffle Seb’s hair through his helmet at Brazil 2012

WInning the championship in 2000. Him thanking the entire team individually and pausing mid-celebration to kiss his wife Corinna so tenderly it’s in the F1 opening. Also, the way it literally cuts from the rest of McLaren looking like they’re attending a funeral to Mika grinning at him and hugging him fucking SENDSSSSS me.

Schumi was a little shit in all the 2010-12 press conferences like, lowering Lewis’ chair, playing with a microphone wire, but ESPECIALLY corrupting baby Seb and getting him to mess with Nico Rosberg.

He’s just GOOFY! Like I refuse to let him be remembered as a terrifying force of nature he was so goofy kind of similarly to Seb. PLEASE watch this incredibly awkward interview he did with Coulthard on a golf buggy where they both had to pretend they hadn’t thought about murdering each other at least once. I think Sky F1 should force Brocedes to do this when covid’s over. “Do you mind if I drive?” “Yes.”

EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE I forgot the 1999 Canada press conference where Eddie Irvine and Mika Hakkinen get into a water fight and Schumi immediately grabs a towel and hides behind it and is like “I had NOTHING to do with it” 🥺 adorable, actually

A lot of people at Ferrari, including Rob Smedley (who was on the other side of the garage with Felipe Massa so not in his inner circle) have said that a lot of the success of the team came from Schumi’s LEADERSHIP more than anything, that he’d make the team get together to bond all the time. When Schumi moved to Ferrari in 1996 they were NOT dominant. He did the same thing Lewis did - went to a team that everybody said would be a huge mistake and helped build them up behind the scenes.

THIS bit of the Canada 2011 Rewind where his engineer gives him the strategy and he’s like “... OkaAaAaAay?” and then when it turns out to be the wrong strategy he cheerfully tells them it’s too late. Little shit.

Speaking of Mercedes I also wanna say that like. They were a MESS in 2012 and his car DNF’d because of a failing on their part MULTIPLE times. (In Canada qualifying his DRS was stuck open and they couldn’t close it.) He did not say a single bad word about them EVER even though the press used this to attack him non-stop as washed-up and bad without Ferrari to cheat for him. At Ferrari he was the exact same with the team, any bastard antics Schumi had for his rivals did not extend to the engineers and crew.

OK this one is soured bc Top Gear is trash BUT if you were like, a kid in England who followed motorsports? Schumi’s fake reveal as The Stig on Top Gear was like the coolest, sickest thing,

Please view this image of Schumi and Mika when they were young and stupid

Iconic Races

ok so I have limited myself to a few races that show off some of his key strengths!

Hungary 1998 / France 2004 - STRATEGY/SPEED - Schumi switched to a 3 stop strategy in 98 and a FOUR STOP strategy in 04 and won both races. In order for the strategy call to work he’d have to basically make every single lap a qualifying style ‘flying lap’ and you best fucking believe he DID THAT. God I fucking miss when Ferrari was the king of strategy.

Argentina 1998 -  has it all. Talent, battling Mika, pit lane mind games with mclaren, and bullying coulthard xxx

Spain 1996 / a majority of the wet races - RAIN - One of Schumi’s nicknames was Rain Master bc he was so fucking good in the wet. If it started raining and you were a Schumi stan you were cackling evilly before the red lights even went out. I single out 1996 bc it was his first win for Ferrari and it was unexpected but in most wet races, even Canada 2011 post comeback, you can see Schumi thriving.

Malaysia 1999 - Schumi missed pretty much the entire second half of the season with a broken leg, came back for the last 2 races with everybody murmuring about whether he would struggle, and immediately put the Ferrari on pole. Also worth noting is that he was the number 2 driver for these 2 races bc his teammate Irvine was fighting Mika for the championship and he went along with that without complaint, allowing Ferrari to win the constructor’s championship if not the driver’s.

Monza 2002, 03, 04, or 06 just because it has the energy of the tifosi kneeling at the feet of an idol to their red god.

Brazil 2006 - Fuck All Y’all - Schumi’s last race for Ferrari. He got a puncture and ended up almost lapped, and then drove his way back from that to 4th bc he couldn’t go out without reminding us he’s a bad bitch.

Monza 2012 - Defending - Don’t tell F1 Twitter that there’s actual footage of Lewis and Michael having a genuine lengthy battle on track but DO watch Michael defending like a motherfucker and Lewis breathing down his neck for half the race we need to talk about this more.

Valencia 2012 - This isn’t necessarily anything special but I cried in my living room over the only podium of his comeback so it goes on here. It doesn’t have the same impact if you haven’t been watching him struggle with the car for years, DNF-ing from car failure most of 2012, and having BBC F1 telling you he’s washed up every single weekend, but you can just enjoy one of the best drives of FERNANDO’S entire career as he DRAGS that Ferrari by its hair to a home grand prix win and then watch the crowds embrace him like jesus and also Schumi being happy on the podium. Also, the very start of this clip from the press conference: him forgetting what language he’s supposed to be speaking 

Basically, Schumi was a hyper-competitive ambitious bitch who turned into a goofball as soon as he switched the engine off. This is by NO MEANS everything if I was making an exhaustive best races guide I’d do more research and another post but I hope this is what you were looking for?? THANK YOU SO MUCH for letting me go MAXIMUM SPECIAL INTEREST and I apologize.

[hecohansen31]

To Kill a King

Ivar+Reader (Vikings Era)

The Betrayed Ruler:

He could not steal my might And it seems to be I have found a way…

“To Kill A King” by Hungry Lucy

First Chapter (1)

Second Chapter (2)

Third Chapter (3)

Fourth Chapter (4)

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

This is low key a chapter I am very... nervous about...

Lately I have been extremely EXTREMELY nervous about my writing, and I am very very very worried of how you’ll perceve this chapter, because I do hope that it won’t disappoint the big hype around it.

I really hope you’ll like my writing choices, and if you don’t, do let me know being the sweetest and gentlest because I am a shy and sad baby lately.

But please remember: feedback is always welcomed by writers, because it makes our heart flutter and it makes our fingers write faster.

Hope you’ll like this!

Have a nice reading!

SUMMARY:  Not only you are found with an accusation over your head, but soon everything that you craddled close to your heart in a foreign land is going to be put to the test, and not everything might be as you truly thought it was.

WORDS: 15 K

WARNINGS: Arranged Marriage, Mention of Domestical Abuse and Rape, Violence (Strong Themes), Sexual Harassment, Slavery, Historically inaccurate, Blood and Period.

Sunlight creeped through the tent, but for you it could have still been nighttime.

Your mind had stopped working since you had entered your tent, the guards sealing you inside, alongside Caryn and Angelika, and you had simply set yourself fall on the bed, where you still were.

You hadn’t been able to focus on much else than replaying the last conversation with Ivar you had had before you had been sent away by him, as you tried to find a loophole through it.

But every time you came close to it, the pain of not having been believed shot through you as a burning hot flame.

You knew that he had done what any rational man could have done.

But you believed…

… what did you truly believe?

That he would have finally and truly chosen you?

What a stupid girl.

Maybe Angelika was right.

She had been running up and down the perimeter of the tent, to the point that you were sure that her shoes had burned a trail in its floor, as she lout out huff loud, being shut up by an also lost Caryn.

She had joined you a bit later than Angelika, probably because Ivar had wanted her opinion before he saw you, but you weren’t sure.

You hadn’t asked her, stuck in your thoughts.

“… we should run” uttered Angelika, as she came to a halt in her walk “… we should definitely run”.

“Do you expect the guards to simply lets us pass” replied hastily Caryn, shooting her an annoyed look, and Angelika replied with an even harsher one.

“… no, I don’t think it’ll be that easy, but we can distract them, grab a horse…” she tried to mumble.

“It wouldn’t work” you uttered surprising them both, as you raised your head to meet their faces and you simply shook your head, to assure what you had just said “… we wouldn’t get far enough and we wouldn’t certainly save our reputation”.

“I know this might surprise you, princess…” scoffed loudly Angelika “… but right now your reputation isn’t the best”.

“And running away would just worsen it” using that tight tone took quite some energy from you and almost as if she realized it, Caryn moved to grab you a bit of water, for which you were thankful.

“Then what is the plan?” asked Angelika, unable to stay put, which didn’t help you easing up the headache you had been having “… don’t tell me that you have been just moping about that savage not believing you?”.

Gosh, you honestly hoped she could be just less smart.

“The plan is that we repeat our confession, we talk about it calmly and lightly and we don’t give them an option to doubt us” you explained, trying to keep your tone calm.

“… that won’t be very effective” mumbled tightly Angelika, and you couldn’t deny that it was true.

Even Caryn didn’t look quite convinced but tried her best to still her worry.

“We can’t do much” you stated, the only truth “… running isn’t an option, we’d be found immediately, this is their territory and we wouldn’t last a single day”.

“So, all we can do is pray” mumbled pessimistically Caryn.

“And cover our own asses” cursed loudly Angelika “… this is the time, princess, to set up our versions”.

“What do you mean?” asked her Caryn, confused.

“That we indeed cover our asses” you explained, mimicking Angelika’s words, as she turned to you shocked “… see if we have anything that can incriminate us further, poison, letters and…”.

Weapons.

Gosh, what would have they thought if they had found the knife in your stuff.

It wouldn’t have played any favor towards you.

But honestly, nothing seemed to do so.

You wouldn’t have been certainly sent to death, at least not with bishop Heahmund in the camping, since he would have reported the news to your father, and it’d have been a way to properly start a war.

But what worried you was that you might be either rejected as a wife, thrown away.

And although at first the thought of this wouldn’t have weighted on you, since you had actually been desiring the convent life, now…

… now that you knew life outside of the castle walls, you just… you just didn’t know.

But worst of all… if you were ever rejected… and thrown back to your father…

… he wouldn’t have been happy.

And it would have been as if Ivar, himself, signing a death sentence for you.

Even more when you thought that, although you might not die, Ivar might take it out on Angelika and Caryn.

And you couldn’t let that happen.

“I’ll take all the blame, if things fall down” you explained softly, as you looked at them in the eyes “… if they ask, you didn’t have any involvement in this, understand me?”.

“Why?” asked Angelika, confused “… are you aiming to gain the ‘saint’ title?”.

Although her tone was biting, it wasn’t as poisonous as usual.

And she looked honestly worried.

You still were surprised by the fact that she hadn’t sided against you, after the poisoning plan had been revealed, instead staying with.

Something which had made you realize that maybe she wasn’t so tough.

“… my princess, don’t you think… it is too rushed” suggested Caryn, honestly surprised.

Something similar to guilt shining in her eyes, but you simply ducked your head away from her wandering and worried gaze.

“If anything happens to you, I won’t stop feeling guilty, believe me” you promised, even sending a look at Angelika, who had lowered her eyes, ashamed “… so don’t open your mouths”.

Suddenly the tent was open, and a guard appeared, signaling to you that Ivar was finally ready to listen your excuses and wanted to see you and Caryn.

You weren’t able to know whether it was a good thing, because your mind went finally blank, or bad, since you weren’t also able to come up with a plan.

You nodded, but as you were moving, Angelika gripped your hand, stopping you and making you turn around.

Caryn moved forward and told the guard to wait a few minutes with steely eyes, as they left and gave you the privacy to talk with Angelika.

“I know what you are feeling…” she whispered, trying not to be heard by the guard, although they didn’t speak your language “… alone and left behind, that’s what I felt in the wood… that was what I have felt each moment in my life”.

You were suddenly surprised by the loneliness you felt in her eyes, but she let you feel it just for a few minutes, before her grip onto your wrist became more intense, making you lose your focus.

“… nobody had ever come for me, like you did, princess, when the Vikings came… my family… my own fiancée left me behind…” this time your title wasn’t stained with any sarcasm “… and for that I’ll be for ever grateful to you for coming for me, so please know that whatever will be the verdict… I’ll stick by your side”.

You were surprised by her sudden change of loyalty, but you couldn’t stand further, knowing that every wasted minute might have been a moment of doubt for Ivar.

But you’d have to talk more with Angelika, after all this was over.

“Thank you, Angelika” you replied to her, and turned but stopped as she uttered softly.

“I was wrong about what I said when we first met…” she mumbled, almost biting the words and chewing on them “… you might change him”.

“I hope so”.

And you went out of the tent, the dress of the previous night sticking to your body for the cold sweat you had on your body because of the anxious feeling that tightened your chest.

But you decided, after Angelika’s words, that you wouldn’t have simply bowed your head.

You had stood up to him already, now you had to do it again.

If not for yourself, definitely for the people around you.

The ones who believed in you.

The guards pushed you, as you and Caryn were grabbed by an arm each to be led.

You protested at the uncomfortable gesture the guards simply looked at you with a wolfish grin.

“… are you going to faint, again, princess?” sneered at you one, as the other, that was grabbing onto your arm, lightly pulled again, making you almost trip on your own feet.

“You won’t treat me like that, I am your princess” because if last time you had let them do what they wanted with you, without protesting, you weren’t going to let them rule your life again.

“… I don’t think that you’ll be our princess for much longer” muttered the one who had pushed you, and you turned to him, standing straighter as you breathed out to calm yourself and then uttered.

“That might be true, but that is yet to be proved” you explained “… and I am still a princess of an English kingdom, so the next time you’ll address me as that. And believe me, if you don’t, I’ll make sure you know how much I am annoyed with your arrogance”.

And that was enough for your journey to be a silent one, although you could already see where it was aimed: Ivar’s personal study.

So, you were surprised as you entered it, finding Ivar and Hvitserk, the former sat down as he examined various piece of papers and the latter on his side, a mix of optimism and unease in his eyes, almost as if he hadn’t wanted to be there.

And you couldn’t blame him.

The guards left you and you didn’t forget to thank them with a quick look.

Enough to see them shiver lightly as they turned.

“Sit down, you two” ordered Ivar, although an enigmatic smirk grazed his figure.

But his tone was stern and you clutched tightly your hands in your lap, lowering your eyes, because, although you would have tried everything you could to save yourself, you wouldn’t have given Ivar any possibility to doubt you.

“… how do you plead” he asked you, as he sent a look on your way, making you raise your head to meet his eyes.

To make him understand that not only you weren’t afraid.

But you weren’t afraid because you had nothing to hide.

You were speaking the truth.

“I didn’t poison you, Ivar” you spoke, and his smirk became tight and you were sure he’d protest or…

“I believe you”.

You choked on your breath, as you raised an eyebrow at him.

“… what?” you asked, unsure if you had heard right or not.

“I do know for sure that you didn’t try to poison me” he explained to you “I know it was Vaghnar who did, and it was Harald and Halfdan who told him to”.

“How…?” you felt like you weren’t able to let out of the anxiety and hurt you had been harboring for the entire night, as if it was too good to be real.

“Hvitserk, a few days ago, told me that Halfdan had approached you, and we have been thinking that they would have certainly tried to undermine you or put you against me, even more after everything that has happened at the wedding…” you hadn’t considered it honestly “… I knew he’d be trying something against me, using you, and I thought of giving him a slight push… didn’t I, Caryn?”.

And Caryn, beside you, shivered at that tone, as you turned to her, worried.

But she didn’t spare you a single look, as she instead stood straighter in her seat, her eyes on her lap.

“I was asked to take care of it” she asked, as her words seemed to pain her, and you couldn’t understand truly what was going on.

Because if you did it, it would have maybe hurt you more than the thought of Ivar not believing you.

“Ex…excuse me?”.

“I made a deal with Ivar” she didn’t look proud of it, in the slightest “… I should have… kept an eye on Vaghnar, he was my owner, I had heard of him… planning with Harald and… Ivar came to me. He told me that he’d give me freedom again”.

“I offered her a deal. Be my spy, report me everything and be a free woman or just stay with Vaghnar”.

And it was obvious what she had chosen.

She had spied on you, for him.

But it also meant that she could testify that you had never intended to poison Ivar.

“Then why didn’t you defend me?” you asked softly, your voice almost unable to leave the cavern of your voice “… back in the Great Hall”.

Because anger was everything that you could feel.

“I would have publicly accused Halfdan and Harald of having lied, without any proof other than a slave’s opinion” he explained as if it was the most normal thing ever “… I needed to show that I wasn’t questioning them, to let them think that they had won and come back stronger.

“And you let me squander in my tent with the sureness of something horrible happening” you uttered loudly, surprising Ivar and Caryn, who flinched beside you and before you knew it you had raised yourself, hitting Ivar on the shoulder, with you open palm.

He didn’t seem in the slightest fazed by it and as you came back from anger, you felt your hand pulsing painfully, because of the hit.

“Feeling better?” asked Ivar, as he shot you an intense look.

And you couldn’t help but be surprised by his calm reaction.

You had expected him to reply with violence, and although you had been too numb to fear him, you couldn’t deny that his unfazed expression surprised you.

“Yes”.

“I am glad, because I need that brilliant mind of yours to focus on a plan to explain why you didn’t poison me, without insulting Halfdan and Harald. A plan that could possibly get them away… far away from us”.

Your brain had officially shut down.

First Ivar let you be treated awfully and think the worst and now he wanted you there, even complimenting you.

You honestly didn’t know what more would happen.

Would Hvitserk reveal himself to be a hidden catholic?

Because after Caryn’s reveal, everything was possible to your eyes.

“… I don’t… I can’t think straight” you explained “… I have had just too much emotions for one day”.

“Focus on one thing at the time” suggested Hvitserk, coming closer to you, and you tried not to think about the fact that he had also been in in this plan, against you.

The worst was that the sole one who had been loyal to you was Angelika.

And you tried, desperately, pushing away any thoughts as you tried to focus on the matter.

Halfdan had accused you, hence denying the evidence would have simply pushed the Ragnarssons in worse problems than the ones they were already in, and you couldn’t simply reveal Caryn’s role, again because it would have showed that the sons of Ragnar didn’t trust them.

You couldn’t simply deny the truth.

… but what if you didn’t.

“I have an idea”.

And Ivar’s mouth opened in a full smirk, as he nodded your head to invite you to talk.

“I knew that you wouldn’t disappoint me”.

---

You couldn’t deny that you were suddenly anxious again due to the whispers that were uttered as you walked in the Great Hall, beside Ivar, a few guards trailing after you as the doors closed behind you, signaling silence.

In the end, everyone was curious to know what would have been your destiny.

You were guided to sit down beside Ivar, as Bjorn and Ubbe came closer to Ivar, and the latter sent you a light look as if to check if you had intention to attempt to kill another son of Ragnar.

Which you would have gladly, if he kept looking at you up and down.

“Brother, are you sure?” asked Bjorn as he leaned down to face Ivar, who simply nodded his head, a light and easy expression on his face, unlike your anxious one, which you used to cover your annoyance and anger at being used as a pawn by Ivar.

But you should have expected that.

But you would have never ever seen it coming from Caryn

“… well then communicate your decision to our people” ordered Bjorn and Ivar shared a small look with you, almost to check if you were ready, and you nodded, sure you wouldn’t have ever been ready.

“My army” he uttered, but he didn’t need to catch anybody’s attention, since it was already on him.

And you.

“My wife has been accused of having tried to poison me” he told them, as he kept his eyes on everyone of them “… and that is indeed true”.

You had foreseen the reaction it’d cast on the army, but the violence of it still choked the breath in your lungs as war screams and harsh glares were sent to you, in words you didn’t understand, but knew were insults, from the tone.

“But…” he spoke loudly, overcoming their combined voices “… she did it behind my orders”.

And again, silence fell, and you lightly raised your head, breathing softly.

“… I have known for quite some time that Vaghnar had been trying to attempt to murder me, but I didn’t know when and where it’d happen” he explained calmly.

You knew that the entire thing wouldn’t have worked if Ivar hadn’t acted that way.

That self-assured and calm way that you wished you owned.

And made you lightly blush.

“So, I asked my very brave and blessed wife…” he turned to you with a well-faked lovesick smile, that you returned with your best conviction “… to set up a meeting to Vaghnar, to convince him to collaborate again me and to poison me”.

Both Halfdan and Harald, who stood right in the front row, paled.

“That’s why she sent her own slave to set up a meeting and that is why Halfdan was also involved, to make the story more believable…” and he turned to a scared Halfdan “… thank you, for being truthful when needed, I do believe that now I can trust you, fully”.

It was obviously sarcastic and a secret threat to anyone who knew how things had gone and you joined in Ivar’s gaze at the two brothers, as you tried to let them know, that you knew what they had done.

And you wouldn’t forgive them.

“So, in order to celebrate this loyalty and to prove our strength, we’ll have a feast, in honor of the gods and…” he neared his look at Halfdan “… Halfdan! Since he’ll be leaving us for the Mediterranean, alongside my brother Bjorn”.

Bjorn’s raised his fist as Halfdan’s face presented the horror of what Ivar had just sentenced him.

Exile.

And as much as you tried to feel pity for him, you couldn’t.

He had tried to gain your loyalty, just to use it for his own purposes.

“The feast will be in five days” proclaimed Ivar, before sitting beside you, as he joined your hands together over the table, pushing them towards his lips as he kissed your knuckle “… to love and loyalty!”.

To your heart breaking and your life crumpling apart.

---

As you approached your tent, you felt Hvitserk on your tail, but you just rushed in, coming face to face with a guilty Caryn, who tried to speak up, but you shut her up quickly with a gesture of your hand.

“I don’t blame you for your choices, you have a family” as you did, and that was why you understood her position.

It was yours.

But you couldn’t simply push down and away the anger.

And you didn’t want to push it onto Caryn.

“I wanted to…”.

“Caryn, I get it” and you hoped your eyes conveyed it “… but right now… I don’t have the energy to face you”.

She seemed disappointed, almost heartbroken and again… that… that part of you that was feeling betrayed, just wanted nothing more than hurt her.

But you just pushed past her, moving to your trunks, glad that they hadn’t been searched, as you tried to release the reality of worry you had lived till you had confronted Ivar.

You pushed your nails in your palms as you thought again about the humiliation Ivar had put you through.

Hvitserk came in front of you, looking at you over your trunks, as you instead grabbed the first pair of pants and shirts you found, intending to exercise the adrenaline strike in your body, which ached to rest but you felt unable to, till at least you let out some anger.

“Where are you going?” asked confused Hvitserk, as he tried to put a hand over yours, but you simply slapped it away.

“To train” you muttered “Like I do each day”.

“I don’t think that is wise” he replied, tension appearing in his eyes, as you held his gaze.

“I don’t think that is wise standing in my way right now” you muttered slowly, anger pointing out each word.

“You shouldn’t…” he tried to speak, but you didn’t seem in the slightest swayed, as you crossed your arms under your chest to show him that you would have denied anything that he would have said.

“What I need right now is to punch something, and I either punch you or you  me get to my training” and you were convincing enough that Hvitserk moved away, exiting the tent with a huff.

And you dressed up quickly as you exited alone, collecting Bukefalos and already seeing the shift in the Viking people.

Although at first, they had regarded you with a surprised interest, they now looked at you with bowed had and suspecting eyes.

Although Ivar’s explanation had worked on easing the doubts, it certainly hadn’t helped with your image.

You hated it all more and were more than grateful to ride dangerously on Bukefalos, who matched your snappy mood, helping you getting past the crowd quite quickly as you embraced his neck.

He tried to comfort you with a quick lick, but you were trembling, almost aching and all too happy to undergo whatever series of torturing exercises Nanna had for you, as you dug your fingers in the mud till they became muddy, as well and some of your nails broke.

But you didn’t feel pain.

And neither fatigue.

And when Nanna came to check on you, you could see that she was secretly impressed, but quickly dismissed you, accompanying you to your horse, for what you thought would be a private talk.

“I didn’t poison him, if you are curious”.

“Of course, I know that!” she spat out, sending you an annoyed look “… you might not have the strength to pull your body up, but certainly the gods have blessed you with a working brain”.

“What?”.

Was that a backhanded compliment?

“… you are too smart to let Ivar know that you are poisoning him” she explained as if it was the most natural thing in the world “… if you did poison him, he would already be dead”.

“How can you say that?”.

“Because if prince Ivar has chosen you, you must have had something that made the choice worthy” again her tone was annoyed, as if she was explaining this to a petulant child “… and I see how you stabilize yourself through exercises, you use the least amount of energy to get the best result. Not even the best soldiers can do it”.

You just got two compliments by Nanna.

Were you having problem hearing?

“… oh, that is… nice?”.

“If you need to let out anymore rage…” she mumbled, as she turned “… don’t hesitate to let it out here, or on your husband, that fucker deserves it”.

You were definitely having trouble hearing.

Bukefalos welcomed you back with a lick, and you smiled tiredly at him, definitely empty of all those frustrations and without enough strength to think properly, as your mind just thought about all the sleep you’d have once you were back in the tent.

And both Turid and Solveig had to poke your ribs to get you to get out of the bathtub, once you were back in the tent, because the water had grown cold, and the coldness of it brought you back to reality.

You looked in Solveig and Turid’s eyes to find out whether they believed you or not.

If they thought that you could have done it.

And if they were also spying on you for Ivar.

You wouldn’t have been surprised.

You had been naïve, although you had tried to protect your own privacy and secrecy.

You needed to be more attentive at those around you.

You were already waiting for Ivar in bed, having dismissed the handmaidens and eaten dinner alone, more to give yourself some alone time before everything erupted than because you wanted to be left alone.

As Ivar entered the tent, he was smart enough to recognize the air of tension and asked one of the guards to undo his calibers (he had called them like that, once he had explained you, as he talked about how he had created them), meanwhile you pushed further your nose in the book.

“Have you eaten?” he asked dryly, almost tasting out the earth under his feet, just receiving a slight nod from you, who also delved further in the book “… that book must be interesting”.

“Very” your answer was so sharp that you heard Ivar take a deep intake of breath, before he hissed it out.

“You are angry with me”.

“Oh, you are so smart” again that dry tone, and when Ivar, grabbed your hand you almost expected him to push the book out of your hands and then slap you.

Your father wouldn’t have certainly hesitated to do just that.

But Ivar’s grip was almost soothing on your wrists as he lightly drew circles in your skin, eventually getting you to release your grip on the book that fell silently on your lap.

And you were faced with those sky-blue eyes.

“… I am sorry for whatever you angry at me for”.

And this just made your anger flare up again, as you pushed your hands away from his grip, with Ivar effectively releasing your hands due to his surprise to your reaction.

“… ‘for whatever you are angry at me for’?” you asked him “I am angry at you, because not only you let me think that you truly believed Halfdan…”.

“I didn’t” he muttered, his tone tight and his eyes pleading as he looked at you.

“Don’t interrupt me” you shushed him violently “… but you also put somebody to spy on me!”.

“Don’t be so shocked” he retorted, his voice having grown angry, but he was trying to repress it, clutching tight his fists by his side “… and it wasn’t you who I set her spying on”.

“Then swear to me, you didn’t ask her about me, ever” you harshly muttered, sending him a harsh look, and he effectively lowered his eyes.

How stupid and naïve had you been to think that he could truly trust you.

A minute of silence filled the room.

“… you know what our problem is Ivar…” you spoke lowly as you tried to calm and steady your breath “… you make promises that you can’t hold and I do not believe that you can be truthful”.

That hit Ivar deep and before you knew it, his grip was again tight on your wrist, hurtful tight.

“I don’t break promises” his tone was angry, and you couldn’t help but shrink away from him, or try to, due to his tight grip.

And you couldn’t help but feel again like you were in your father’s castle.

Although he hadn’t dared to hit you and Abigail, he had no qualms to rough you up lightly, tightening his hold on you, till it bruised or looking at you so ragefully that you almost imagined the slap he had never given you.

And you couldn’t help but feel the same with Ivar.

Who understood your discomfort and quickly released the grip.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you” he mumbled, almost scared of your reaction, shy as he tried to gain your attention.

But you were frozen, as you moved to your side of the bed, setting yourself down and closing your house as you faked being asleep, meanwhile Ivar pleaded you to talk to him.

To get angry at him, to scream.

But as always, when it happened with your father, you were just frozen in your body.

Shut in and barely breathing.

---

Sleep had been difficult, not simply because it had taken you quite some time to get yourself tired enough not to be able to keep your lids open, but also you had rolled around the bed and you could feel again sweat coating your nightgown and something else between your legs.

You thought it was again simple sweat.

It’d sometimes coat the inside of your thighs, with all your heavy gowns and you couldn’t deny the worry that you had felt all night, hence there was another reason for you to have sweat your way through the fabric.

You exited the bed, surprised by the fact that Ivar was still beside you on the bed.

But you didn’t give it too much thought as you escaped the bed, bothered by the sweat almost as if it burned on your skin, and your stomach grumbled loudly as it almost seemed to bite the lower part of your body and, as you were moving to get yourself up, you froze, almost as if your body choked out all the breath in your lungs.

You should have understood, there and then, that something wasn’t quite right.

But you simply blamed your sickness on your frail emotional status, still hurt by Ivar’s aggression, in the previous night.

You managed to get up and circle the bed, before your stomach grunted annoyed but worst of all was the fact that the air was suddenly knocked away from your lungs as your limbs lost their strength, hence you needed to harshly grab on the small table next to the bed, as you felt acid bile raise from your throat.

And then you looked down and saw blood on your night gown.

Your monthly bleeding had paid you a visit.

With its usual timing.

You now understood the stomachache and worst of all the weakness in your limbs.

Had you known it, you wouldn’t have raised yourself from bed so swiftly.

Your monthly bleeding always made you weaker and it also made your stomach turn against you, as it pierced you from the inside painfully and gruesomely.

And it didn’t take long for the weakness in your limbs to spread to your mind, as your vision was shadowed, and your breath became shallow.

And right when your legs were buckling up underneath you, you felt two strong arms around you and suddenly a sound entered your ears, although you couldn’t quite piece where it was coming from and who uttered it.

At first it was your name and finally your ears registered it was male and it wasn’t difficult for you to realize that it was Ivar, who lightly pushed his nose up your neck in a way that made your overheated body thrill pleasurably, but there wasn’t any intention to pleasure you, as his worried tone huskily told you to breath.

‘Breath’ he commanded you and his body followed his order as it relaxed allowing your mouth to open to breath properly, as your vision came back “… breath (Y/N), yes like that, sweet one, like that”.

And like that he led you back to the bed, as your legs lightly brushed against his frozen crutch showing you that he hadn’t even put on the calibers.

And he lightly pushed you onto the sheets, pushing your back against the cold headboard which brought you extreme relief as your drenched back met it, letting out a languid moan, as you opened your eyes, ashamed of your freeness.

But Ivar, except the light blush on his cheeks, just kept his eyes focused on you.

And you remembered the stain on your nightgown you shot a quick look at the stain on the bed, and Ivar immediately followed your gaze, finding the blood, before a quick look to your nightgown revealed to him what you were thinking.

“Are you…?” he seemed shocked as anger filled his eyes “… hurt?”.

“It’s my monthly bleeding” you muttered out almost breathlessly due to your shame and tiredness “… it gets me like this sometimes, I need to bathe”:

Because, if the sweat didn’t make you already feel dirty, certainly the blood between your legs and on the bed did.

You had caused a mess.

And in your sudden confusion mixed with tiredness, you blushed at Ivar, muttering a small:

“Sorry”.

But he didn’t seem in the slightest fazed, simply caressing your face as he checked whether you were responsive or not.

“I have seen many battlefields and believe me this doesn’t faze me…” he replied honestly “… I’ll ask the guards to wake Turid and Solveig, do you feel like you won’t faint again?”.

“I don’t think I will, and in case this bed is soft” you promised him as you exchanged tired smirks and he did move to get the guards as you tried to adjust yourself to avoid a mess, lightly pushing up your nightgown, since the fabric of the nightgown was too heavy, for you to properly breath.

The light breeze of wind that came with the opened tent, made you moan lightly as you felt it gently against your naked skin, embarrassed of the exposed way your body was offering itself to Ivar’s sight.

Who, respectfully shed his eyes away, although he sat next to you.

Right when your stomach started hurting you again, your face twisting in a grimace.

“… does it hurt?” asked Ivar, his voice lightly roughed up by his morning breath and you lightly nodded your head at him, since you just couldn’t hide your uneasiness “…where?”.

“My stomach…” you mumbled, lightly “… I usually get a warm towel on it, it helps a bit”.

“Wait” Ivar lightly stuck out his tongue as he seemed to focus himself, before his hand positioned itself on your stomach, lightly pressing, trying to look at you for any sign of unease, but you moaned out pleasurably as the warmth of his hand numbed the pain “… is it good?”.

“Yes, thank you” you mumbled, closing your eyes at the comfortable situation, as Ivar mumbled lightly his even breath calming you, lightly lulling you ���My mother used to do this too, whenever my stomach ached”.

As soon as your words left your mouth, you regretted them.

Even more as you realized how intimate and silly those words were.

It was something that only your sisters knew, since it was what your mother used to do also to them, calming them softly as she moved a hand onto your stomach to make their stomachaches pass faster.

Till now also Kathleen would sometimes do it to you, when you felt the horribly.

“Mine used to kiss the zones that hurt, and tell me that she had magic lips that made everything better” he told you, and you couldn’t help but laugh lightly, at the sweetness your moms had given you.

And at the gentle confession he had gifted you.

“If it doesn’t pass, I’ll tell Solveig to give you some of my herbs to help lessen the pain” he mumbled, and you just shook your head.

“It isn’t so bad, and it usually lasts only one day” you explained but Ivar didn’t look to convinced “… it is Eve’s burden, it shouldn’t be lessened by anything, it is a divine punishment…”.

“You aren’t Christian, anymore, little one” he mumbled, suddenly his lips lightly grazing your forehead, and you weren’t sure whether it was a nice gesture or if he was checking your temperature as your mother did “… you don’t have to tolerate pain”.

Why was it like that?

Because every time Ivar was sweet with you, it was either after he had screwed up everything or before he was going to.

And it left such a bad taste in your mouth.

The thought of not being able to trust him fully.

“I’ll think about it” you muttered your tone definitely more sober.

And you were almost thankful when Solveig announced her presence with a light cough, and you couldn’t help but blush lightly, being caught in such a private moment.

“… my princess?” she asked softly, as she ordered to Turid a change of clean clothes.

“She has her monthly bleeding” explained directly Ivar for you as you blushed even redder, lightly slapping his arm ad he turned to you confused.

“Don’t… that’s private” you mumbled, sending an apologizing look at Solveig, who simply smiled, too roughed up by age to be truly embarrassed.

“Don’t worry, princess, we have been through that many and many times” she made you feel comfortable as Ivar moved to help you up as if you were made of china.

And you couldn’t help but huff at the affectionate annoyance, as Solveig took you in her arms, although you felt much steadier in your walking, solely your stomach aching, as Solveig lightly blurted out various facts about being a woman and Turid moved to start the bed anew.

Ivar followed you with his gaze till you entered in the private bathroom, adverting his gaze as Solveig helped you out of your dress, for which you were thankful.

You heard him getting ready in the other room, meanwhile Turid came back with some linen to help you in, after you got out of the bathtub, Ivar not in sight, although you could hear his grunts as he put on the calibers.

You moved in another nightgown, this one shorter, leaving your arms uncovered, as it brought your figure to be hidden under the veiled fabric something for which you were thankful, since you had taken one look at the mirror and found your belly swollen.

But Ivar still looked taken aback as you emerged from the steam of the tub, your skin lightly rosy and heated, as Solveig still accompanied you, but at a larger distance, meanwhile Turid had finished with setting up the bed, again clean and Ivar sat at a chair near the entrance.

He looked somewhat impatient.

And you immediately reasoned it was probably because he was late to where he should be.

“You can go, I won’t faint, I swear”.

“Don’t” his tone was dashingly sarcastic “My guards won’t trust it, anymore”.

“I did it only one time!” you protested looking at the sky, as he moved to limp lightly to your bed, to salute you more warmly and although you should have been pissed, you welcomed again his kiss on your cheek, before he prompted the two thralls to follow every order of yours.

‘… and starts the herbs’ he muttered tightly at Solveig, who nodded, meanwhile your glance became lightly sour.

And then he exited the tent, leaving you with your stomachache, a fretting Solveig and a comforting Turid, who was honestly the only person you wanted to be around, lately.

But your quiet was short-lived since your flock of handmaidens entered your tent, all probably alerted by Turid, as they fretted around nervously, chit-chatting as you sent a pleading look at Solveig, but she simply smiled at you and muttered ‘the perks of being a princess’.

Angelika fell down next to you on the bed.

“You should seriously consider that God hates you” she mumbled, as she closed her eyes, evidently enjoying the sensation of the fluffy mattress, where you invited the other girl to rest, comfortably “… one day you escape a poisoning attempt, and the next… you get your period”.

“God doesn’t give us anything that we can’t tolerate” you replied, harshly as you turned away, more than happy to adjust yourself to face a smirking Lia.

“Do you talk to your heathen husband with that tongue?” she contrasted you, but not with the usual bite, and you couldn’t help but feel like she was teasing you like Kathleen would do, and it brought a smile to your face.

“… I talk to my husband how I want” you replied sharply, and all the handmaiden muttered a tight ‘oh’ as they moved closer to you, curious.

“She hit him on the arm, this morning” muttered Solveig in a tight Norse that only Angelika and Caryn understood, and the former giggled lightly, sending you an amazing look, meanwhile the latter’s lips simply opened in a smirk.

Soon a few of your handmaidens went away, reassured you wouldn’t bleed out, as Angelika followed them for their daily chores, giggling with a few as Lia sent you a confused look, but you simply ordered her.

“Don’t leave her behind”.

Caryn still stayed and you knew why.

Although the haze of the stomachache still butchered your mind, you kept it tight and sharp as she came closer, almost as if she was checking on you.

But she had more to confess.

“I didn’t tell him about the letters I sent to the bishop” she mumbled through her teeth, and you tried your best to wield your face in a calm one, surprised by the fact that she hadn’t betrayed you so easily.

“There isn’t anything scandalous in my letters to bishop Heahmund” you replied with the same secretive tone “… they are for my sisters”.

And then, coded inside there were some news in Latin.

“I know, my lady” she spoke softly, but you couldn’t help but be glad of her admission.

Her last show of loyalty.

“What will you do now that you are free?” you asked gently, wanting to shift away the attention from your original theme of conversation, since the burn of the betrayal was still burning “… will you return to England? I’ll ask Hvitserk to accompany you…”.

“I have decided to stay with you” her affirmation was convinced and sincere, as if it was an obvious decision “… at least till you’ll go back to Kattegat”.

“You are free, Caryn and you don’t owe me anything” you tried to explain to her.

As much as you felt hurt by her betrayal, you couldn’t deny that you’d have done the same.

You were doing the same.

It was simply a game of survival.

And everyone didn’t play fair.

Even more your husband.

Caryn seemed taken aback by your words and lowered her head.

“Yet, I’ll stay” she promised “… and I’ll try to make up for what I destroyed”.

“You don’t have any make up to do” you explained, as you lightly pushed yourself to sit more properly “:.. this isn’t… the Vikings have taken so much from you, and you can’t blame yourself for wanting a shot at freedom, I don’t blame you”.

“But you don’t trust me” she uttered, as if that saying hurt her.

“Sadly, I can’t, not right now”.

After everything that had happened, you just couldn’t.

And you weren’t sure you would ever.

“I understand that” she mumbled lowering her head and moving up as she also exited, finally leaving you with Turid, who lightly moved around the room adjusting everything out his place, and eventually you took pity on the poor girl.

“Turid, won’t you make me company?” you mumbled, patting lightly the seat next to you and although she squealed what sounded like a tight ‘no no’, but you didn’t let her much choice “… don’t make me order you to sit down, before you give me an headache”.

And the poor thrall nodded, siting down at the end of the bed, as you dug out a book from your pillow, Cicero, ‘Pro Archia’.

You had thought it’d be fitting.

Hadn’t Cicero just squandered his talent over a case he had already won.

But it was familiar to you, in a way that almost hugged you to comfort, as you waited for Solveig to come back with the herbs.

It wasn’t the pain you were fearful, but of what the pain did to your mind, keeping it from being sharp and lucid when it should have been at its best.

God would forgive you.

Not that it mattered much to you, anyway.

As Angelika had said, you weren’t much beloved by Him either way.

And you were enjoying your beloved calmness, when your tent was opened again.

You thought it was Solveig, probably rushing in, since all the older handmaidens were busy with chores.

Sadly, it was Halfdan.

Turid immediately got up, and you expected her to move around the tent again, but instead, she stood her ground, looking up and down Halfdan, as she physically shielded you with her tiny body.

But Haldan looked definitely intimidated.

“I just…”.

The look in the girl’s eyes that you could see reflected in the mirror at the entrance spoke of steely nights and threats.

“…. I need to talk with the princess” and he made to move forward, but Turid stopped him, moving to block his road and hadn’t you been extremely angry at him, almost scared, you would have gladly laughed, at the funny scene.

But again, you spared the poor girl.

“Turid, get Hvitserk” because you wouldn’t have a conversation with him without one of the brothers being outside “… and you, Halfdan, will wait outside, meanwhile I get changed”.

And you sent him a look that told him to obey your order.

And he exited, almost defeated, the room, meanwhile Solveig entered it with the herbs, making you drink the smelly brew, which didn’t taste better and you thought that certainly if it wouldn’t have made you feel better, you would have retched your own pain.

Solveig then pushed you in a sober dark green silky dress, which was loose on your front, falling in a linear gown, not very flattering but you couldn’t just greet Halfdan in a nightgown.

Actually, if it had been to you, you wouldn’t have greeted him.

Hvitserk appeared on the threshold a bit later, as he regarded Halfdan with a hasty look right when Solveig finished pushing your hair up with an emerald pin, as a few strands of hair fell down your neck, graciously.

“Tell me what you have come here to talk and then leave” you mumbled regarding him, sat onto your bed, although you tried to keep your more upright position, almost as if you were on a throne.

Your elegant emerald necklace, you were wearing, catching the light coming from the open tent flap, so the guards would barge immediately in if Halfdan tried anything, although Hvitserk already had a hand on his sword looked definitely intimidating.

“I am sorry it had to go that way”.

“Are you truly sorry or are you sorry just because you got discovered?” you muttered, spitting those words as if they were poisoned.

“… it wasn’t meant to get that way” he mumbled darkly, and Hvitserk raised himself so suddenly that you were also caught by surprise as he moved to push his chest against Halfdan, effectively getting the man to back off.

“Oh, it was meant to get you on the throne, wasn’t it” he commented tightly, as he faced tightly and harshly the man “… but you underestimated us, son of a bitch”.

“My brother did” he commented, before he shot you a light look “I never did”.

“Then why did you do it?” you asked him, your voice tight, as you were a bit affected by the suddenness of Hvitserk’s actions and Halfdan’s words.

“I told my brother not to do it, not to go against you, that he wouldn’t have won…” he spoke, almost like a broken record “… but he didn’t listen”.

“And yet you supported him” spat out Hvitserk, almost offended for you.

“He is my brother”.

And you couldn’t deny that you would have done the same thing.

Your expression of annoyance softened, as you got up from the bed, the dress falling onto your legs and pooling on the floor, as it followed you.

You moved closer to him, under the attentive eyes of Hvitserk.

“You chose your loyalty Halfdan” you mumbled tightly “… I hope that the time away will help you see that we can choose our own path, instead of following other’s”.

And you turned, because it just hurt you.

To think that you, deep down, were exactly like him: following the path somebody had laid out for you and trying to protect your older sister.                                            

You heard Hvitserk led him out, although Halfdan insisted you weren’t finished but you simply mumbled ‘have a safe travel’, and moved again onto the bed, facing away from everything as you looked at the reflection of your hair on the pillow, lightly catching the rays of sun that pierced through the tent.

“… he isn���t going to die” mumbled Hvitserk, almost as if he thought that you were feeling sad because you felt guilty “… he’ll have his fun travelling the Mediterranean with Bjorn”.

“And what about Harald?”.

You were honestly relived you wouldn’t have to deal with the arrogant king, because he honestly didn’t seem trustworthy in the slightest, and you didn’t want any more plotting, seeing the mess it had thrown you in.

But you were almost grateful to the king for having made you see who you could trust and who you couldn’t.

“He’ll go back to his lands” he explained as he sat down on the end of the bed, raising lightly his bright eyes to meet yours, as you brought your legs close to your chest, to help ease the pain you were feeling in your stomach.

The herbs wouldn’t be working at least for half an hour after consumption, had explained to you Solveig, but you just hoped they’d rush in, since the pain wasn’t making you focus.

“… I am glad to hear that” you uttered with a grimace and Hvitserk lowered his head, thinking that it was for him.

“I know that… you are pissed with him because I sided with Ivar…”.

“I could never be pissed with you for that” you stopped him, as you searched his eyes “I have two sisters and I’ll always side with them, no matter what”.

The discourse seemed to have made him gain something, as life was brought back in his eyes, almost as a dog who had received a praise.

“:.. but I am annoyed that you went behind my back, because I thought we were…” ‘friends’ but it was more.

He had acted with you almost as an older brother for which you were honestly thankful, but it pained you more to know that he had chosen his side.

And it wasn’t yours.

You couldn’t simply trust him again.

But you also couldn’t push him away.

“… but if you get me some sweets from the kitchens, my annoyance with you will certainly grow weaker”.

And you hadn’t seen a man move faster, as Hvitserk dashed to you, quickly planting a small kiss on your forehead, mumbling something about ‘feeling blessed’, before disappearing again.

A few minutes he was back again with so many sweets that you couldn’t help but wonder whether Vikings simply didn’t like sweets or he had stolen all of them before the others could lay an hand on them, but apparently Hvitserk has a surprise for you.

“Apparently, my dear brother has gotten them made, because he knows that you like them” and he sent you a devious smirk, as you stole the sweet in his hands to stuff your mouth with it, glad that your stomach had started to return normal.

But the herbs had left you hungry.

And sleepy.

“… oh, did he?” you mumbled, as you lightly licked the cream off one of the sweets you had been presented with.

“He did” muttered Hvitserk with a conspiring tone, as he raised an eyebrow “I’ll let you in a secret”.

“Oh, do indulge me” you mumbled, pursuing your lips in a small smile.

“I do think that he likes you”.

You erupted in laughter, loud enough to make a guard’s face appear from the behind the tent flap because he thought you were choking on something, as Hvitserk excused your antics, mumbling to him that you were alright.

“I do think that I know that, he has married me, after all” you replied, as soon as your breath came back, lightly moving your fingers to show him your ring.

“Yeah, but…” Hvitserk seemed so focused that another laughter found its way from your mouth “… but Ivar wasn’t ever interested in females, he had… a bad experience… and then never approached them”.

“A bad experience?” you asked, but Hvitserk ignored you, so you just shoved down that knowledge, listening close to Hvitserk’s incoherent mumbles.

“… and then suddenly he said that he’d marry this English princess, that she was beautiful and smart, and…”.

“Wait” you stopped him, as your eyes met “… he said this before he got to know me, how?”.

“That’s what I asked myself!” retorted Hvitserk “… because… English women are stuck up and annoying… no offense obviously”.

“I’ll need more sweets for that” you retorted, as you grabbed all the sweets that Hvitserk had on his part, gaining a sad puppy look, but you didn’t back down from your decision.

“… and we tried to get him to back off, but he was simply too convinced…” he breathed out, before a small smile appeared on his face “… what I am trying to say is that… my brother likes you, like he does, he isn’t the best at showing it…”:

“He arrested me for attempted poisoning when he knew I wasn’t guilty”.

“… yeah, he doesn’t know how to express emotions, but he is attentive and I know that you have every right to be pissed at him… it’s better him than me… but… he cares for you”.

Your cheeks blushed although you tried to hold yourself upright and to keep up some kind of royal look, as you devoured another sweet, hoping it’d also sweeten the perception you had of Ivar.

The way he had grabbed you so strongly the previous night, and yet the sweet way he had taken care of you this morning….

Why couldn’t he be seriously the monster of the fairy tales you had heard so much about?

It would have made everything easier.

Included spilling his secrets to Heahmund and hating him.

“… I’ll keep that in mind”.

“And I am totally not saying that because my brother is cranky when you are angry with him” he blurted out, sending you a pleading look “… that time you walked in him meanwhile he was plotting, he screamed for ten minutes at the guards and then I had to tell him that the way to a woman’s heart is through the stomach… quite literally”.

“You…?” you erupted in a laughter, imagining Ivar doing what Hvitserk had told you, as you rolled down the bed, in a very unladylike manner “… are you serious?”.

“I swear it on my honor”.

“There isn’t much to swear on, then” you teased him, as he sent you a light awful look “… I am joking… maybe”.

“The first day you walked in the camping I swore that you wouldn’t have lasted a day, you were too sweet…” he mumbled tightly “… I apparently lost some money with that fucker of Bjorn, because it turns out you are worse than I thought”.

“Didn’t you enjoy the poison ivy in your bed?” you retorted, feeling slightly guilty for it.

“Was it you?!” he exclaimed, faking a betrayed look on his face, as you laughed soundly “I thought it was a prank from … Ivar… Gosh, you two are seriously made for the other”.

“Next time you’ll cross me, sweets won’t save you” you muttered, pushing another sweet in your mouth, meanwhile Hvitserk just looked at you as a beaten puppy “… don’t they call Ivar, ruthless? Well I’ll be that too”.

“I don’t know why I am even surprised” he muttered, sending you a serious look “… you English women are full of surprises”.

You just sent him an enigmatic kiss.

You ate the morning away and slept the afternoon, guarded by your handmaidens that took turns to entertain you, and tell you what had been happening meanwhile you were left in your tent.

And you sadly realized your relationship with the Vikings was even more strained.

But you were proud to hear both Lia and Arabella asking you whether they could join you on your training, as Eleanor hid under the brunette, who had a loose arm around here, almost as if it was second nature to them.

‘Obviously, we’d join it when we are not essential to the chores in the camp’ stumbled through words Lia, definitely at unease.

You had simply shaken your head, telling them that they could train whenever they wanted.

‘… at the condition that you won’t laugh when you see me training’ you made them swear as they already giggled, before they threw themselves in a gossiping moment, mumbling about the sudden change in Angelika.

“I kid you not, but she asked me if she could be helpful with anything!” almost screeched Eleanor, here pretty eyes, shining almost dripping honey as naivety and surprise took them.

“She is currently folding some of your underwear, my lady” grinned Lia “… but I am not sure if you’ll have any underwear by the end of it”.

“Why?” you asked lightly curious “… she can’t do that much damage simply folding laundry”.

And they all sent you a look that meant ‘you shall see’.

Angelika did, in fact, come to you with your folded clothes, a bit scrunched up and wrinkly but you were honestly surprised that the girl had chosen to collaborate with the others, so you were more than happy to also gossip a bit with her, till your lids became too heavy for a talking spar.

“… did your husband tire you out, last night” she suggested maliciously, making you open your eyes to roll them at her antics.

“Yes, but not in the way you are thinking” you pursued your lips, as you sunk your teeth in them.

“Don’t bite your lips or you’ll make them break” lightly reprimanded you Angelika “… make him bite his lips, give him a bit of hell of his own”.

“I just wasn’t… I am not the type” because every time you had tried to confront Ivar it didn’t… it never worked well for you “… it is hard for me to use harsh words and…”.

“You don’t have to” mumbled Angelika with a sincere look “… there is a kindness to you that is definitely more effective than any shouting”.

You couldn’t help but be moved by her gentle words.

As she left you, you slept again a bit, eventually settling up to play with the cube that Floki had gifted you on your wedding.

From what you had gathered, each face of the cube was divided in smaller cubes that were signed with a different rune, meaning for it to form some kind of phrase, as you matched the smaller cubes, but whenever you found some meaning to the toy, the next movement would break away your phrase.

It was almost more frustrating that talking with Ivar.

Who walked in as you continued on trying new movements, as the wooden cubes clicked against each other, the sole noise in the room since Ivar kept himself silent, staring at you from the threshold, till you raised lightly your head.

He looked like he had been caught admiring you, and Hvitserk’s words came back to you.

He lightly bowed his head, muttering lightly an ‘hello’, as you adjusted yourself in bed, as he came closer, hiding something behind his back.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he came to sit up on a chair next to the bed, as you exited the bed to come helping him with his calibers.

“Better” you mumbled softly “… I have taken the herbs, but the second day isn’t as bad as the first”.

And as you were moving to lower yourself, Ivar stopped you, gently grabbing your hand, his roughness surprising but you wheeled your face to keep straight as you were surprised by such an intimate gesture.

“Can we talk?” he honestly seemed almost to expect you to reject him again, like the previous night, as if you held some power over him.

“I do think that we need it” you mumbled, in answer, as you moved a chair to sit in front of him and he set up what he was hiding behind his back on the table between you.

And you recognized immediately the shape: a crown.

It was a circlet of gold with rubies on it, but they were shaped to form small roses as the clearness of the crystal caught the light of the candles intensely, shining of bright red, meanwhile the golden almost became white.

It was a beautiful creation.

“It’s yours” he muttered tightly between his teeth, without raising his eyes from your joined hands, as you sent him a surprised glance, before you again reigned your face to keep it clean from any emotion.

“I won’t simply forget the humiliation you have put me through because of a nice jewel”.

Your father always did the same with your mother.

And not because he felt bad for what he had done to her, but because jewels would cover bruises.

“It isn’t a simple nice jewel” he chewed on his words, almost as if he was still thinking before he started speaking “… it is… an oath to you”.

“What… what do you mean?” you asked, sending him a confused look.

“You say that my words are fickle…” the taste of those words brought a sour taste on his mouth, but he still said them “… so I thought that this could hold much more to you”.

“I am not following you…”.

And he almost scared you with the fastness he showed as he reached out for the crown, gripping it, till the ruby roses dug in his skin and blood seeped through it, staining the crown as you realized what he meant.

He was swearing to you.

And although it wasn’t your custom, you couldn’t help but feel the holiness of this.

You bit your lips unsure whether to stop him or let him continue that blasphemy.

“… I swear, princess (Y/N), that my plot against you yesterday will be the last act against you” he swore, as he pushed himself on his knees, although you were aware it was painful.

A part of you wanted to take pity on him.

But another part, the one that won, kept on looking at him, to see how far he’d push himself for you

“… my words might have been… untruthful” he didn’t seem convinced about it, but an harsh look from you gave him all the conviction he needed “I mean no harm to you and I swear this upon this crown, that might for ever remind us of this, that it is the last time that I don’t speak the truth to you, that I don’t respect you”.

And you couldn’t help but believe him.

Although you shouldn’t have.

And you didn’t let yourself go so easily.

“This isn’t enough” because as much as he had sworn to you never to cross you, he had some sides that you had just caught glimpse of.

And you had to understand whether the true Ivar was the sweet one that’d cherish you at your lowest or the ruthless one everybody knew.

“Then let me know what I have to do, and I’ll do it” he swore, loudly, as his hand joined yours, and his eyes raised to you.

You weren’t feeling any pressure at all, for sure…

And then the words slipped out of your mouth, on their own.

Maybe because it had been something that you had wanted to do, since after your first ‘night together’.

“Spend a day with me” you told him, softly, as your hand reciprocated the grip on yours and your eyes shine fully “… let me know you, as the man you are when you aren’t with others”.

‘And please don’t reveal yourself to be the monster of every English story’.

And everything in him seemed to come to life, as he immediately proceeded to kiss the back your hand, bringing it to his lips, with a gratefulness that made you blush and push away your hand from him, almost burned.

The place his lips had touched did indeed burn, as you brushed away the evidence of it, as if it had left a burn on it, but Ivar looked quite satisfied as he moved to crawl against in the chair.

“You are truly a woman of mercy, princess (Y/N)” he muttered, as he shot you a soft look, although his eyes sparkled of malice and you shot him an annoyed glance, more to hide your embarrassment than actually for anything else.

“… you aren’t forgiven… yet” you bit, your lips, eyeing him, your eyes strangely focusing on the handsome cut of his jaw, as it moved to form a smirk, and you were impressed by the strength in his neck, as it moved to send you a knowing look, as if to say he knew you weren’t annoyed with him, anymore.

And you intensified your haughty glance.

But nobody would have believed it.

“Aren’t you Christians supposed to be creature of mercy?” he mumbled, as he kept on that impenitent look.

“Not a Christian anymore, husband” you retorted, willing yourself to keep your answer short not to give him any satisfaction “… I don’t think I ever was, I loved too much the myths to believe in anything that wasn’t them”.

Something like interest appeared in Ivar’s face, but you raised from the chair, with every intention of getting yourself in bed, since, although the pain was slowly leaving, it certainly hadn’t been an easy day for you.

“Before you go to sleep… just try it on for me” he asked of you, no expectation in his voice, as he held out the crown for you, cleaning it from the blood against his own tunic, for which you reprimanded him, because ‘Solveig had already enough to wash’.

But you indulged him.

Even more because that piece was of an intricate beauty

And you hadn’t gotten many gifts.

Your father hadn’t certainly made you lack anything, except affection, but every gift seemed like a debt you owned to him.

Whereas this one… was precious.

And not solely because of the materials, but Ivar’s oath on it.

You adjusted it on top of your hair, lightly checking you out in your nightgown as you brushed back your hair before you threaded it among them, finding it quite fitting.

And you did allow yourself a moment of vanity.

Although you were in a comfortable nightgown, nothing too fancy, the crown nobilitated the entire assemble and as it caught the light of the candle, reflecting it with reddish sparkles.

And then you turned to a smiling Ivar.

He looked like you were the most perfect creature in the world.

And you blushed, your cheeks almost as red as the rubies of your crown.

“… it is beautiful” you muttered, diverting the look from him, almost ashamed and thinking that you weren’t worthy of it “… I look like a princess”.

“No” he replied, as his face took an almost ecstatic look “… you look like a queen”.

---

You woke up with a light tampering against your shoulder, as Ivar gently caressed your naked shoulder, since the nightgown’s arm straps had lowered lightly, revealing some heated skin.

At first you moved away, humming for more sleep.

But Ivar’s laughter followed his gesture, as he lightly brought your hair away from your face.

And you leaned in his hand, gently welcoming the warmth and roughness of those familiar hand, as you slowly brought yourself out of the sleep mist.

And as you turned to face properly Ivar, you blushed lightly at the nearness you had, and you scooted lightly away, a dash of blush on your face, but he smirked tightly at you, admiring your form.

“Good morning” he mumbled softly, as you hummed a response, trying to make your mind function under the watchful gaze of those pool of skies, definitely your favorite color.

He was blessed beyond measure with looks.

And he looked so sinful, all relaxed and teasing.

Excited almost by the way his eyes were full-blown, his long hair out of the braids, making you want to push a hand through them, to feel their texture since they seemed quite silky and full of volume.

And then those lips…

… Gosh, you spent all too much time thinking about them.

“… still want to pass the day with me?” he asked you jokingly, as he raised an eyebrow, but his eyes hid more.

He was almost scared for you to back out.

“Why would I not want to pass time together with my beloved?” your tone was sickly sweet, and now you were the one who was teasing him, as your hand searched for his, lightly gripping it as you brought his attention to you.

“Because you look quite sleepy” he replied tightly, as his hand gripped yours and before you knew he had brought you in a loose hug, and the part of you, who was sleepy, craved his warmth, as you cradled closer to him, before flashes of the previous night appeared in your mind.

You couldn’t surrender simply because Ivar used his devilish charm against you.

And you had enough.

“No, absolutely, I am awake!” you replied tightly as you moved away, exiting the warmth of your bed, rushing to the bathroom “… get yourself ready, I wouldn’t want to lose a single hour without you”.

“You are mean” he complained with a wicked look.

“You married me” you retorted, as you got yourself in bathroom, getting ready to change your linens,  adjusting your hair, meanwhile your heard Ivar rummaging around, getting ready.

You changed quite quickly and without the help of your handmaidens, since the assemble you had chosen was simple, because if you had to spend the morning with Ivar you couldn’t have anything that would slow down.

Hence your beloved pants were on, alongside a light shirt covered with a woolen jacket.

You pushed your hair up, bringing two sides of it to join on your back of the hair with a golden pin, with shiny pearls on it, in order to bring the hair away from your face, in a less pompous look.

As you exited the bathroom, yawning lightly, you caught Ivar, doing his braid on his bed, although he seemed highly at unease and you set yourself down, beside him, gently slapping away his hands, and pushing them in his hands.

You almost wanted to moan at the softness of those tresses, surprised they were clean and silky, since you never saw him bathe, although you thought he either did when you were outside or early in the morning when you slept.

“… where did you learn to braid?” he asked, as you calmly moved the tresses between themselves, trying to get yourself used to the shorter hair.

“I have sisters…” you mumbled lightly “… an older one who couldn’t keep her hairstyle for more than a few hours and a younger one, who…”.

Your voice broke as you found yourself admitting that you had taken in the role of your mother when your sister Abigail was younger and she would escape the handmaiden’s hands because they weren’t as nice as yours-

You’d make a small Abigail sit down on your lap and then proceed to make her talk so she wouldn’t protest against you braiding her hair.

“Is it better to have sisters?” he asked, almost curious, at your tone.

“I wouldn’t know, I didn’t have anything to compare it with” you raised an eyebrow lightly “Is it better to have brothers?”.

Ivar’s eyes became suddenly dark, a shadow appearing in them, as you moved to adjust yourself a bit further away from him, scared of what would be going on.

But then he just shook his head.

“I wouldn’t know, I didn’t have anything to compare it with”.

“Don’t steal my words” you reprimanded him, as you felt the atmosphere growing lighter, before he pushed himself up to his feet, having slipped in the calibers, probably helped by the guards, as you did the same “… what do you have planned for today?”.

“First a trip to the kitchen and then…” his eyes shone of true interest “… then I want to show you a place”.

You nodded following him, as you saluted all the handmaidens, wishing them ‘good morning’.

“I’ll spend the morning with prince Ivar, so you have the day off” you mumbled, before your gaze set up on both Lia and Arabella “… I asked Hvitserk to pass here later so that he could bring you to Nanna, send her my regards”.

“We will” commented softly Lia, meanwhile Arabella’s eyes just shone.

And you proceeded for a brief stop to the main kitchen, glad of your common attire, which wouldn’t attract many gazes, although Hvitserk recognized you, but simply sent you a smirk as he saw Ivar emerge from the kitchen with a basket.

‘Bring the girls to Nanna’ you remembered him, as you passed him, Ivar laughing at your commanding tone.

“My brother isn’t used to women ordering him around” he justified it as you both moved to the stables, to get Bukefalos and his chariot, the white horse, immediately saluting you excitedly, enough to scare the poor stable boy.

Not as much as Ivar did still.

“Neither are you” you teased him, with a light wink, moving to calm down the animal, meanwhile his shocked eyes followed you and you simply focused every inch of attention onto the horse.

Spying with your side-eye Ivar.

You had allowed him another chance not simply to stay on his good side, but also for the fact that you had to see a side of Ivar that was utterly him.

You were justifying your choice with the fact that you needed it to report to Heahmund.

Who except seeing him in the hall, he hadn’t checked on you, since you had gotten accused of poisoning, and although you recognized it was a smart move to let any suspicious thoughts fall…

… it just made you wonder if he was truly here to protect you and serve his country and not keep you from running away.

And steal your thoughts.

“Get my chariot ready” you heard Ivar utter to the stable boy, effectively leaving you alone.

And a part of you feared he had done it to teach you a lesson.

Since he had touched you so harshly two nights ago, flashes of him and your father alternated in your mind.

Had it been your father, he’d have punished you privately.

But Ivar simply came closer to you, gently proceeding to caress the horse, as you lowered your trembling hands, hiding them in the pockets of your pants.

“… what kind of name is Bukefalos?” he asked softly, probably having perceived your uneasiness.

“Alexander the Great’s horse was named Bukefalos” you explained, chasing away his eyes with yours, as you stared at the dirty floor “… he was a restless horse, aggressive with anyone but Alexander, who had learnt he feared his shadow”.

You felt Ivar’s eyes on you, but you refused to meet his gaze, as you exited the stables feeling the stable boy entering inside again, and you were more than glad to let him work alone, glad to bash under the rays of sun that day you had been blessed with.

Ivar joined you, after he had instructed the stable boy, his voice now calmer than the one he had used before.

“… he is quite untamed” he mumbled as he joined you “… Buke… whatever was that mythic stallion name… we have a similar one…”.

“Sleipnir” you commented, before he could finish the phrase, the blush on your cheeks following the words you proceeded to say “… bore by Loki, who joined himself with the horse Svaðilfœri”.

“You certainly do like mythology” he mumbled, laughing lightly, as it shattered a bit the tension.

“It is just interesting… to see the links between peoples” you replied “… these stories were the foundation of society and their rules, and I just…”.

“It gives a magic that life doesn’t have, doesn’t it?”.

You felt like Ivar spoke the words you had never found, and nodded eagerly, as you finally met his eyes, finding them looking at you with admiration and… tenderness.

Your small talk was interrupted by the stable boy to tell Ivar his chariot was ready, and although you had heard quite the impressive talk about his war chariot, it didn’t seem so… imposing and scary, now

Ivar pushed himself on it, before he extended an hand to help you, Bukefalos neighing his impatience at your uncertainty, since you couldn’t help but feel like the thing seemed pretty ‘dangerous’, it hadn’t anything that resembled your English chariots.

And Ivar immediately saw through you.

“I won’t make you fall off” he joked lightly, as you bit your lips, eventually moving the first steps to raise yourself onto it.

“I’ll hold you onto that promise” you mumbled, as you nervously moved to adjust yourself, so that you were right in front of the chariot, and Ivar behind you, keeping you steady between his arms, with extreme expertise.

His body pressed against you in a way that would have been highly improper, even more if you were husband and wife, but Ivar’s body held this kind of steadiness and strength that made you relax lightly, as you thought about how much Kathleen would have liked this.

She would pretend to ride old carpets as if they were her own personal horses or try to run down the stairs onto a kitchen tray.

“I swear it on your crown” he mumbled, before he pushed Bukefalos to move.

And you had to admit that it wasn’t as bad as you had thought.

It wasn’t bad in the slightest, although your legs trembled as you finally arrived in the secluded area Ivar had brought you to.

But it had felt good.

You loved riding horses, but you couldn’t help but feel like in this case you were living more in the moment.

You were free.

“Was it that terrible?” joked Ivar as he helped you get down, meanwhile you just giggled.

“It was beautiful, Gosh, it just felt so damn…”.

“… like you were truly alive?” taunted you your husband, as he gently pushed his arms around your waist, and you should have jumped, but you just stayed there for a moment, observing the curious boy that was looking at you behind his eyelashes.

Clear blue eyes tinted with amusement, whether for your red-tinted cheeks or for your messy hair.

Or simply because you had smiled at him.

“Yeah, when Floki made it for me I honestly felt like I was reborn” he mumbled, as you finally jumped down, still in his arms, bound strongly around your waist, almost as if he didn’t want to let you go.

You almost wished he didn’t.

The comfort of his body against yours, almost making you dizzy.

“… it was my chance to run”.

You nodded, although you knew that you wouldn’t have been able to understand, and let Ivar adjust the chariot and Bukefalos, as you explored where he had bought you.

A part of you had known that it might not have been the best idea to go with him to a secluded area, even more with things between you two being unresolved.

But you were trying to give him a chance to make you trust him again.

And you had Bukefalos on your own.

The place where he had brought you was a small clearing in the middle of the woods, lightly blessed with a mirror of sunlight all for itself, in an almost idyllic picture that made you utter a soft whimper of happiness as the tips of grass graces against your hand as you touched it.

It was a beautiful situation.

Because you weren’t a princess anymore, and neither a wife.

You were simply one with the nature.

“I knew you would have liked it” commented Ivar.

And you couldn’t help but wonder why such a tormented and wary person found his calmness in this piece of heaven.

And Ivar read your question in your eyes.

“It isn’t… common for me, I know, but…” he bit his lips as if he wanted to hold the truth inside of them “… I spent a lot of time alone as a child… and if I didn’t… sometimes the… world would be too loud, so I found myself my own small… place where I could be alone”.

It was a true confession and you couldn’t help but feel the rawness of his emotions.

And you believed him.

“… and I know… that you also feel like that. sometimes” he mumbled, proving what Hvisterk had told you.

He had been attentive about you.

“So, I thought you might need this” he muttered, as the tone of his voice moved into ramblings, as if he wasn’t sure of it “… so that you can come…”.

“Thank you” the words escaped your mouth, before he could finish with the embarrassed answer, and before you knew it, you gently kissed one of his cheeks, as he sat down beside you “… this is beautiful”.

“Ahh you are welcome” he couldn’t help but choke on the words as if they were burning on his tongue, more than happy to change the subject as your hands lightly joined themselves on the grass “… and what about Alexander The Great? Was he… great?”.

“He conquered all the known world during the ancient Greek times and created a legacy that reached from West to East” you explained softly “... he was indeed great”.

Ivar’s eyes sparkled with interest.

“He was known as one of the biggest conquerors, in the antiquity” you went on spurred by Ivar’s interest “… it was a shame that…”.

“What was a shame?” pleaded you to go on Ivar.

“His entire legacy broke after his death” you continued “… his child barely survived enough to be crowned king and killed, meanwhile the others… they fought till Alexander’s great empire was broken apart”.

Ivar’s eyes now seemed to become frozen as he fell against the soft grass.

“It is what is happening with my father’s legacy”.

Again, silence fell, and you thought about prodding lightly the sleeping beast.

“… I am sorry about that” you mumbled, as you mimicked his position, turning to him, as he looked at the sky.

“That’s what always happen when a throne is left without an heir” he mumbled, as he continued to look up, before he turned to you lightly “… but these aren’t relaxing talks, aren’t they?”.

You just shot him a light look, as if to agree, and he brought himself up, moving to the basket of baked goodies, which were quite the distraction from the tougher thoughts as you found Ivar asking you a few questions, genuine interest in his eyes.

You couldn’t deny that it felt nice, and Ivar was smart and funny, enough to make you laugh out loud as he told you everything about the time that Hvitserk had stolen all the bread he could find just to find it devoured by birds.

And you told him all about the time that you and Kathleen once almost lost yourselves in the castle, since you had reached rooms you had never visited, just to be convinced of being followed by ghosts when you heard some strange noises.

Just to discover they were rats.

Something that had scared Kathleen much more than any ghost.

In the end with bellies full of laughter and food you both fall down onto the grass, as you looked up at sky, suddenly feeling Ivar’s eyes onto you, as they followed you, an unbelieving shade in them, as he retreated them and before you even knew it, your hand had darted out to his, gently tracing the different rougher spots inside of it.

The long fingers, and the uncured nails.

And everything seemed as natural as breathing to you.

And then your hand gently raised onto his arm, over the fabric of his tunic, and he let you, amusement shining in his eyes, as you moved up till you reached his shoulder, and then where his neck met his neck, making him giggle at the sensitive skin there.

You giggled almost in response, discovering that your Viking was ticklish, and then your hand moved down onto his chest, the strength of his muscles rumbling under your hands, as he raised onto his elbows, sending you a malicious look.

“Aren’t you curious, little princess?” but his eyes were adoringly, till something murky filled them, as your hand reached right onto his lower torso, and he gently grabbed with his, but with enough strength to make you understand that was all you’d have today.

And you couldn’t complain.

“Aren’t you curious about me too, husband?” your voice was breathless.

That was what Ivar’s body had rendered you, and those smartly wicked eyes…

“I wouldn’t want to scandalize you, little Christian” he retorted, showing you his tongue as you sent him an annoyed look.

“I am not Christian, how many times do I have to tell you?”.

“Then you won’t mind me…” and his hand moved onto your legs, raising itself up, till he found your thigh and he gripped it, making you squeal, but not out of uneasiness, as your cheeks became red.

You had never been treated like this.

Ivar’s touches held a tenderness tinted with a directness that had never been used with you, as his eyes asked for your consent.

“I don’t mind it” you teased him, pointing out each word, as an another hand, gently moved onto your own hand, meanwhile the other onto your thigh kept itself steady, but it still brought your mouth to open in a breathy mumble.

And he did the same as you had done with him, tracing the softness of your cured hands, then moving onto your lithe arms, nothing compared to his, as he graced just the tip of it against your light tunic, in a way that felt damnably ticklish.

He had come closer and before you knew it, he was so so close to you that you could almost taste the mead on his breath, as he opened his mouth to speak to you.

“You are beautiful”.

It wasn’t a compliment.

It was promise.

And then his warmth abandoned you, completely as he moved to his side, a sudden insecurity appearing in his eyes, and your body searching his warmth moved closer as an awkward silence fell on you, both.

You felt ashamed of wanting to feel his touch on every part of your body.

But it had felt oh so pleasurably.

“Ivar” you tried to call out to him “… don’t shut me out”.

Because it had all been perfect and then his insecurities had gotten in the way.

Another piece to the puzzle that Ivar was.

He was definitely reigned in by insecurities.

And then he turned to you, finally, and you came closer to him.

“… you made me feel so well, today” you admitted “… I haven’t laughed and felt so free, in so long”.

And it was the truth, even with Kathleen and Abigail there were certain parts of you that you wouldn’t be able to show, whether to protect them or simply because they were so utterly hidden.

But with Ivar…

… it felt good to ramble stupid facts you knew and see his eyes light up, as if he thought you were the smartest person ever.

And you had never been called ‘beautiful’.

But his words were utterly honest.

And so were yours.

“You are welcome” he seemed a big cat as he hissed out the words, but no aggression and you dared a step further, gently embracing him as he became still against you before relaxing.

And slowly he turned to you.

Again, you were so close that it was impossible for you not to think about what those lips would have tasted like.

“I know that I am still… not forgiven…” he seemed honestly a wounded puppy as he uttered those words “… but I’d die a happy man if I could kiss you, right now”.

And although everything you had been raised with screamed to you not to kiss him and your rational part agreed with that, it just felt so so good, that you simply nodded, closing your eyes, before you felt Ivar’s lips on yours.

The faint memory of your wedding kiss, having nothing to compare with the sheer intensity of this one, although Ivar was still attentive, caressing your lips to make them swell to their full bloom, almost as if he was tasting rose petals.

And you were right: his lips tasted of mead.

Then Ivar tried to deepen the kiss, something that you had never read or be told about, always thinking that a kiss was simply your lips against his, but something moist and sudden wetted the tip of your lips.

It took you by surprise and you shrieked, as you distanced yourself lightly by Ivar, as you realized he had been using his tongue.

Oh Gosh.

It hadn’t felt bad, it had actually felt good, but…

But that was a bit too much for you.

He seemed ashamed too, almost pained by your rejection.

“I didn’t mean to…” he tried to explain, and you just shook your head, as you carefully realized that your hair had been messed further by Ivar’s touches.

“I just… I didn’t know about…” and you flashed him your tongue, as Ivar’s eyes became again wicked and he sent you a teasing look, just to be decked by you on the shoulder, and he faked of being hurt.

“Gosh, Nanna is seriously training you”.

And you took this distraction to move on top of him, as you easily pushed yourself onto his torso, to further prove him that you weren’t somebody to be messed with, as the sound of laughter filled the clearing.

And you lowered yourself to shut Ivar up with a kiss of your own.

This time you wouldn’t have pulled back because of the tongue.

And just as you were inches apart you heard.

“Brother, (Y/N)!” and both you and Ivar raised your heads to find Ubbe and Hvitserk staring at you.

Embarrassment of having been caught in such an intimate position, coated both your cheeks, as you dismounted Ivar, hoping that the grass could hide you, as he turned to handle his brothers, crawling closer to them, and you busied yourself with getting everything in order.

“… what is it?” screeched Ivar, covering his embarrassment with the irritation of being interrupted resounding clearly in his tone.

And shame came back to you.

As much as you had felt with Ivar, and his gifts of the day, his talks and his laughter… you weren’t there to fall in love with him.

He was a ruthless man.

But everything he had done with you, from the gentleness of his touches to his insecurities, had been true.

It almost made you think that Ivar was at the truest with you.

That he wouldn’t have been your father.

Because he obviously cared for you.

“We are sorry to interrupt your…” mumbled sarcastically Hvitserk, sending you a knowing look as you flipped him off, as Halfdan had taught you to do “… courting”.

“English men are at the doors of the camping” was more direct Ubbe “… and they are asking to see her”.

And you had no doubt that with ‘her’, he meant you from the tone of his voice.

Now you had just to discover why the nation that had pushed you out, now wanted you back.

---

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