#did i mention dans a hopeless romantic

[jooffo]

herbert is a killer queen and dan is a good old fashioned lover boy

[anotherkindofloveletters]

Everything Happens to Me - pt. 2

Hi flowers! I hope you all can enjoy this chapter as much as you did the first one or maybe more (I hope!). Let me know what you think. A big hug to all of you. (Especially my Mick, Danny, Nicky and Seb girlies out there).

tw: none in this particular one, maybe swearing, but I don’t think so. Some bad translated french maybe. Mentions of Charles' dad. Charles Leclerc x Reader.

Dialogue in italics are in Italian.

Chapter 2 - The first date.

Chapter 1

Summary: Where y/n and Charles goes on their first official date after many friendly meetings. Charles organized everything, hoping not to look too much as a hopeless romantic, even if he definitely is.

The sky is cloudy and it’s the first day of January, y/n just came back from spending almost all December with her family in Italy for her birthday, christmas and she can’t wait anymore for this long waited date and seeing Charles again after a while. Charles is excited too, hoping that his plan goes well. Y/n gets to the meeting point perfectly on time, but hasn’t to wait much because Charles is getting there with his Ferrari at the same time. “I’ve never been on a Ferrari” she giggles before greeting him with a big smile “Hi to you too.”comments Charles with a sarcastic tone “Well, I guess today will be a lot of firsts for you then.” a slight veil of fear paints the face of y/n “Charles… what have you done?” he grins “Rien rien, just you remember when you said to me that you never went karting” she looks at him in shock “ Tu as pratiquement organisé notre premier rendez-vous à l'hôpital.” You basically organised our first date at the hospital. “We’re off to a good start I see.” he glances at her with an amused smile.

After driving for a while they get to the karting track, Charles rented the whole place to them, of course Charles loved his fans especially the little ones, but he did not want to spend the afternoon taking care of that and he wanted y/n to feel special. “Here we are, are you ready y/n?” y/n stares at him with a terrified look on her face, making Charles laugh a bit but at the same time makes him want to comfort her, so before getting changed he holds her hand reassuring her “Y/n, je suis là. C’est juste du karting. Rien de mal ne va arriver, ok?” Y/n, I’m here for you. It’s just karting, nothing bad it’s going to happen, ok?. Y/n feels relatively better after Charles' solace and prepares herself with a mixture of feelings inside her. Once ready the two meet on the track “Je vais probablement te détester après ça.” I will probably hate you after this Charles laugh once again and explain everything with patience to her and then eventually they get started, of course Charles tried to play it cool and not outstage her on the track while also having fun, but despite his attempts to lose, he wins.

“I really do suck at this” laughs off y/n taking her helmet off and trying to fix her now very messy hair “I’ve seen worse, I swear!” he tries to comfort her visibly failing, tousling her hair even more with his own hand “Not very comforting Charles.” she says pouting a bit, they get changed and then get in the car once again to continue their date. “Now, we’re going to do something that I always did with my father after karting durin the winter.” y/n feels something at those words, knowing how much Charles loved his father and missed him “We’re going to eat the best hot chocolate in Monaco.” her eyes almost sparkles at the idea of delicious food after that rather wild experience.

“Ok, c'est encore mieux que dans mes mémoires.” Okay, it’s even better than I remembered Charles said looking at her eating her hot cocoa and getting chocolate all over her nose “I love how you’re unable to eat without gettin ìg really messy with it.” he teases her. “Are you even enjoying food if it doesn’t get messy?” she tries to defend herself. “Did you like karting?” he asks trying not to burn himself with the beverage “It was fun, scary as hell, but fun.” she giggles while cleaning herself up “Does this mean I didn’t scare you off and achieve a date number two?” Charles’ eyes are filled with hope while looking at y/n and waiting for an answer “I guess so, you deserve it, yes.” she answers without being able to conceal her vivid blushing. He reaches for her hand on the table holding it, a feeling of happiness pervading his body.“I really am the predestinato” they both laugh a bit embarassed, Charles was so naturally funny and that was something that y/n was really fond of, she could listen to him, spend hours with him without being bored. It was all perfect, all that she planned for her, the details and the fact it was all an important part of who he was and that he wanted her so bad to be in it. Charles really thought about it a lot, after being so many years and publicly with Charlotte the idea of starting a new relationship was not it, but when he met y/n it felt just different from the past and he couldn’t stay away from her, he couldn’t care less about what would happen, at the end it couldn’t be so bad. At this moment he is happy and wants to make her happy too and that’s the most important thing to him.

The two are sitting on a suede classy sofa in that beautiful chocolaterie, the atmosphere is magical and Charles can’t help but stare at her. She was beautiful, her cheeks flushed because of the warmth of the place, her hair still a bit messy after their adventure on the track and her lips slightly tinted by the chocolate they just ate. Charles’ glance focused on her eyes and then lips and when y/n notices she feels a warmth in her, like one million butterflies dancing in her whole body. He leans a bit closer to her face, y/n following his movement, until their lips unite together into a gentle kiss. “I really wanted to do this for a while.” Charles almost whispers on her soft warm lips, before going in for another one “Me too.” admits y/n feeling his cheeks catch fire, this time not from the heat of the room they are in.

Chapter 3

[bangtthedoldrums]

life update?

July is almost over, i think these days i'm seeing glimpses of light at the end of the 27 tunnel. why am i writing all these on tumblr, you may wonder? i'm attention-seeking, i seek attention, i fear.

(let's bffr, whose attention am i seeking when i literally have <5 followers here haha, what a melodramatic bitch)

these days i'm feeling relatively stable. i'm laughing a lot, i'm smiling a lot. i mean i was already starting to, then the whole Kamala effect kicked off and i find myself laughing at dumbass things - nothing's ever that serious lol

the astrology people on twitter were not kidding about Saturn's return. 27 has been so fucking difficult, i can see why Club 27 even exists in the first place.

i wouldn't say i was "fighting" the last few months, "fighting" to stay alive? nah. some of my friends know i'm absolutely not "fighting" in any way. i'm glad i hung around i guess?

Sufjan, you're undeniably talking to yourself in this track. i would like to answer your question if that's okay. i probably wouldn't a few months ago, but yes, now i do care if i survive this.

oh god it's finally happening i guess. the time to get over a relationship is half the time it lasted. the timeline fits i guess.

"I'm frightened of the end, I'm drowning in my self-defense" and "Think of me as what you will, I grow like a cancer" sound about right.

"Did I cross you? Did I fail to believe in positive thoughts? Our romantic second chance is dead, I buried it with the hatchet"

"If I get a little prettier, can I be your baby? You tell me, 'Life isn't that hard' " yeah. sounds about right.

the season of pain and hopelessness has passed, and with resignation and acceptance comes revelation. and that revelation is that it's over.

okay. enough about that for now. please allow me to ramble on about things that have been in my head the last few days (or last few months haha).

the first thing - i'm not sure if i'm delulu or what, but please go with me here. these days i stare into the mirror, and my face looks like it's in the process of chiseling itself out. i can see my cheekbones. my cheeks look hollower. (but that could be an illusion? from the shadow of the temple of my glasses casted on my cheeks.)

i don't know if that is part of ageing. or if i lost weight. or if i'm sick. i feel fine though. but i would not be surprised if i secretly had lung cancer all these time from all those years of cigarettes smoking, and now vaping. who knows! i look hot so whatever.

the second thing - i've been listening to chappell roan a lot the last few months, just about the time i noped out of social media lol.

i've been returning to my punk/alternative/rock roots lately. i have too much pent-up rage lately methinks. rage from grief, rage from injustice, rage from.......... actually these two are mainly it. i can't really think of anything right now.

the third thing - penn badgley is so hot. haha. as a sapphic (mostly) no man has ever made me feel anything except penn badgley. not that joe goldberg persona though, it's dan humphrey and woodchuck todd. okay fine, there were. but i would like to mention penn badgley for now 😀

the fourth thing - i've been feeling a lot more social lately. being social online helps. talking to people helps. making plans with friends whom i love, trust, and respect helps.

i wonder if i wasted all these time isolating myself. maybe i'd be better quicker. or i'd lash out for no good reason. we'll never know. i guess it also helps when the trigger of my fight or flight isn't living down the hallway anymore?

the fifth thing - i find myself funny again. not like "i'm insulting someone for shits and giggles" funny. like i could make jokes again. like my humour is back. i scrolled through my reddit account a few days back and i don't even remember most of the comments i've made with that account. i used to be so funny and quick-witted. it's all coming back slowly so i'm glad 😄

okay folks, that's all for now. i've disappeared for a while but i'm back. thank you for your patience and understanding.

27's almost over. i don't know if i "can't wait for it to be over." i don't really feel anything about getting older. i'm literally still a baby when it comes to my prefrontal cortex. or a toddler if you're particular. i guess anything can still happen from now till September, the universe's always listening !!! 😀

why the tell-all now, girl? who knows! maybe i wna start documenting stuff again. i don't remember things from the last 8 to 9 months. with everything else that went on in my head i'm surprised that i lasted this long.

maybe i wna be honest.

"Come one, come all, I'll tell you my secrets. I'm kinda like a prettier Jesus"

this must be what Lorde feels when she wrote Solar Power

[bqstqnbruin]

From the ground up

Alright y’all, a little switch up from the normally scheduled 10 things programming. But this is 8 pages of fluff that was requested based on the Dan + Shay song From the Ground Up.

This is also very inspired by my grandparents who knew each other for 85 years, were married for 66, had 4 children, 13 grandchildren, and currently 10 great grandchildren, so here’s also their story, but it fits with the song, so why not?

Hope you like it! ______________________

Five Years Old

The snow was falling, all the neighborhood boys were gathering in his front yard to start playing. You two had always been friends, meeting when you were three years old and in the same preschool class. You watched from your bedroom window as the boys started throwing snowballs at each other, something you loved doing with your younger brother. You put on all the winter clothing you can find, running downstairs to beg your mom to go across the street to the Jost’s house to play with the boys. 

“Have fun sweetie!” your mom calls once you finally wear her down and convince her that you’ll come in as soon as she calls you in for dinner.

Running as fast as your legs can carry you, more and more children aggregating in their yard, it was an all out war between the guys and girls, snowballs flying. The girls were getting pelted, you coming in and throwing snowballs left and right at any boy who stood in your way. One by one, they surrender, until you were the last one standing. You were the almighty five year old, the winner of the snowball fight. 

Someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn around to see who it is only to be met with a snowball to the face. The boys around you were laughing as Tyson stood in front of you with a smirk. You wipe the snow off, staring at him for a minute while the girls stayed silent behind you. The snow was still following, a crown of water droplets forming on around his face as the melted snow clinged to his hair. It wasn’t a crush yet, because you didn’t know what that was. But it was something. 

The next thing you know, you’ve tackled him down in the snow, grabbing some off the ground and shoving it back in his face. The kids gather around the two of you, watching Tyson struggle to push you off of him, not succeeding until you hear your mom calling your name from across the street.

“Bye, Tyson!” you jump up, running back inside, leaving all the rest of the kids standing there, looking at Tyson’s wet hair, cold red face, and snow covered back while he watched you run and disappear behind your front door. 

 Seventeen Years Old

“What do you mean that’s when you knew?” you ask him, his laugh coming through the other end of the phone.

“Any girl who wasn’t afraid of beating up a guy who was bigger than her and actually does it well is the girl for me,” he says, referencing the snowball fight all those years ago. “You didn’t care what other guys thought of you: you got hit unfairly and I paid the consequence.”

“Well, yeah, you think I was going to let you get away with that? Also, we were the same size, you were pretty small then” you tease him. “It’s so corny that you fell in love with me when we were five years old.”

“What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic when it comes to you,” he says, “There’s no one who I would want to be with other than you. The distance thing doesn’t even seem like it’s going to be bad knowing that you’re the one I’m doing it with.”

You feel your insides flutter at his words, wishing that he was there with you now. You two had been together for as long as your moms let you date, spending every moment together that you could. He was your best friend first, your boyfriend second, your forever third. “How are you feeling about going to North Dakota in a few months?” you ask him.

He lets out a long, slightly shaky sigh, “Excited? Nervous?” he tells you, his voice going up at the end of each, “Terrified.” 

“It’s a new experience, that’s natural,” you try to reassure him. “You’ve never really done this sort of thing before.”

“Aren’t you nervous about going all the way to Massachusetts?” 

Part of you was, part of you wasn’t. You were scared to be away from Tyson, but part of you knew that you would always find your way back to each other, even with the distance between Chestnut Hill and Grand Forks. “About being that far away from home? No, not really.”

“What about being that far away from me?” you hear him squeak out on the other end, barely loud enough for you to really hear the pain that was in his voice.

“I’m not nervous,” you whisper, wishing you could be there with him to physically comfort him, “We’re going to be just fine.”

“How do you know?”

You take a deep breath, knowing that he was going to cry a little if he weren’t already. “We have been best friends since I beat you up that day. No matter what, you’re going to be my best friend. No matter what, I’m going to love you. I don’t care if you’re at UND and I’m at BC. You could go to Sweden and I could end up in New Zealand and I will still always love you.”

You hear him laugh a little, a sniffle followed immediately after. You didn’t need to see his face to know that his nose was red, the goofy grin of his trying to hide the fear that would surely be covering his face. 

“Hey, meet me by the gazebo in thirty minutes, ok?” he finally says after what felt like forever sitting there in silence.

“Sure,” you tell him, your phone beeping as a signal that he had hung up. You had no idea what he had planned, but you did as you were told, grabbing your jacket and making your way to meet Tyson. You get there to find him pacing back and forth under the moonlight that was shining down on him. “Hey, babe,” you say, him pulling you in tight for a kiss. 

Even though it was summer, the night time brought a cool breeze that sent a shiver through your body even with the jacket on. Tyson takes off his jacket, his favorite one with his name on his back, handing it to you, a smile on his face as he watched you pull it over your head. “So, what are we doing here?”

“This is going to sound crazy,” he starts, knowing that would concern you a little, “but hear me out first. You’re confident that we’ll stay together even being in North Dakota and Massachusetts, but I want to put in stone. Or, I guess, wood,” he says, gesturing to the gazebo. 

“What are you talking about?”

“People carve their initials in the wood here all the time. Why don’t we do that, too?” 

You smile at him, bending down next to him to watch him carve TJ + YFI/YLI enclosed in a crude heart, next to others that had looked like they had been there for years. “I wonder who all these people are?” you ask, carefully tracing your finger over one that said MR+MD. “I wonder if they’re all still together.”

“Don’t matter,” Tyson shrugs, looking at the way the moonlight dances off your skin, “We’re still together, and I have a feeling we’re going to last.” 

 Eighteen Years Old

Tyson had no idea you would be there. The College Hockey Showdown was that weekend at Madison Square Garden, the Boston College Eagles playing against the North Dakota Fighting Eagles. One of your roommates was from a small town in southern Connecticut, half an hour outside of the city, so you convinced her to go with you and spend the weekend down there instead of driving the four hours back to Chestnut Hill after the game. 

“So, which one is he?” Julie asks as the guys skated onto the ice. 

You were in the only section that led you to be surrounded by a sea of maroon and gold, feeling weirdly out of place not wearing team colors but the jacket Tyson gave you that night at the gazebo, which you ended up stealing from him, instead. “Number 17, the curly-haired one,” you point to him as he talks with one of his teammates, his helmet off, making it much easier to see his face.

Tyson had been telling you how nervous the team was about this game: Brock was injured, Trevor was two days shy of a 730 day scoring drought, and the team hadn’t beaten Boston College in 11 years. Not to mention, UND and BC were the two winningest college programs since the 06-07 season, UND having a slight edge over BC, putting that much more pressure on the guys to win this game to help make the gap a little wider. Tyson only rambled off stats about the other team when he was worried about a game against them. It was the first time you would ever be rooting against the college team you had come to love, and only because it involved the boy you love. 

“Does he know you’re here?” she asks you, trying to figure out why he wasn’t looking up in the stands for you. When you shake your head no, she picks you up out of your seat, annoying the other Boston College fans while the ones behind you got a good look at the four letters scrawled across your back. “Tyson!” she starts screaming, shaking you in hopes that you would join in with her.

You roll your eyes, knowing that he would be able to hear his name being called once you joined in. You were waiting to see the look on his face when he finally realized you were at the game, so you scream along with her. He hears his name, confused as to where it’s coming from. He looks around the arena, taking what felt like forever to find you. His jaw drops when he sees you, a smile on his face as he frantically waves back at you. He nudges his teammate next to him, pointing up to you. You couldn’t tell what he was saying, but from the joy that covered his face he was excited that you would get to see him play. 

The first period goes by, no scoring, not much of anything. The second period was starting, and the blank score on both sides was making you nervous. One of Tyson’s teammates passed him the puck, Tyson taking the opportunity to shoot and scoring his sixth goal of the year. The Garden went crazy, you and Julie the only two in the small section of Boston College fans joining most of the crowd, Tyson pointing right up to you when he skated to the bench. UND went on the power play, his teammate passing him the puck again. At the dot, he fired it past the BC goalie, putting his team up 2-0.

You were overjoyed by Tyson’s game, getting to see him be named first star of the game that UND won 4-3. You manage to sneak your way down to where the boys are, Tyson somehow convincing someone who worked there to let you in once you gave them your name. You saw Tyson giving an interview, the guys passing by him and patting him on the shoulders while he talked. You didn’t hear what they asked him, but you could help but admire him. “That’s part of hockey. There’s going to be momentum swings. We really had to bounce back, but that just shows our character in our team. We’re all warriors in there and I think we proved it tonight.”

The reporter leaves, Tyson turning towards him. He was sweaty, disgusting, smelly, and all of that combined wasn’t enough to stop you from running into his arms as he picked you up in his arms and kissed you for the first time since the day you left. “I can’t believe you’re here!” he practically screams when he puts you down, kissing you again. 

“I wanted to surprise you,” you tell him as he goes on about how excited he was that you were there. 

“I think you’re a good luck charm,” he says, leading you out of the way from some of the other guys walking around the hallway and plopping you down on the floor. “Hey, I’ve been thinking,” he starts, his voice shaking.

You knew he was nervous by the sound of his voice. You gently squeeze his hand, the smile on his face growing bigger, “Yeah?”

“When you graduate, wherever I’m playing, or even if I’m not, I wanna be living with you.”

“Are you asking me to move in with you after graduation?” you ask him, his sweaty curls moving with his head. “You think we’ll still be together in three and a half years?” 

He swallows, looking down at your hands intertwined, sitting on his thigh, “I can’t imagine my life any other way. It’s written on the ground of the gazebo.” 

 Twenty Two Years Old

You and Tyson were going home for the wedding of one of your cousins. You had been living together for a year now in Colorado, Tyson enjoying his fourth season in the league.

“Hey, can we make a quick pit stop before we head to the reception?” Tyson asks you when you get into the car. Your cousins, Lisa and Brendan get in the back seat, Tyson being deemed the designated driver for the night. You swear you see them smile at each other before looking back at the two of you.

“Yeah, sure, is that alright with you guys?” you ask them, making eye contact through the rearview mirror. They both nod, the four of you talking about the ceremony the entire way to wherever Tyson was taking you. His hands were shaking like he was nervous.

You pull into the park that was down the street from where you grew up. “Come on,” he says, rushing around the car to open the door for you and drag you through the grounds. Lisa and Brendan follow, keeping their distance as Tyson sprinted towards the gazebo. 

“We haven’t been here since that night before we left for college,” you observe, looking out over the water that surrounded part of the structure. “Do you think our initials are still here?” you ask him, turning around to find him already on the ground. 

“Yeah, right here,” he says, tracing his finger over your initials. He reaches up to pull you down next to him. “Did I ever tell you that my mom's best friend carved hers and her boyfriend's initials here, too?” 

“No, do you know which one’s they are?”

He points to the ones by your knees, the same ones you had admired the night Tyson carved you there, MR and MD. “Matthias and Marianne. They’re probably the happiest couple I’ve ever seen.” 

You stand back up, not wanting so much of your dress to be on the ground. You look for Lisa and Brendan, who are nowhere in sight. “Hey, where did-” you start, only to be cut off but what you saw in front of you. 

Tyson shifted himself to one knee, a small box in his hands with the most gorgeous ring you had ever seen. “I know it’s kind of shitty to be doing this the day of someone else's wedding, but this is the only time I knew we would be here where we first promised to be with each other forever,” he says. You can feel tears welling up in your eyes, suddenly thankful that you had brought makeup with you in your bag for touch ups. “You told me that night that no matter where in the world we were, we would always be together. I want to be together forever. I want to grow old with you, have a family with you, be the father to your children that I never got and be the man your dad always wanted you to end up with. I want to hold you close, protect you, love you. I want to be your husband. Y/N, will you marry me?” he asks, the tears falling down your face. 

You shake your head yes, unable to let out more than a happy sob as he slips the ring on your finger, finally hearing Lisa and Brendan screaming as you take Tysons face in your hands and kiss him. 

 Twenty Four Years Old

You stood in the pink room, trying to rock your little girl to sleep. Tyson should be home at any minute from the road trip, but Viviana had been fussy the entire day. All you wanted was for her to go to sleep so you could go to sleep.

“I’m home,” you hear Tyson call from the doorway of your house, praying that he doesn’t come in yelling while you cradle your ten-month-old daughter in your arms. He appears in the doorway to her room, dropping his bag and tip-toeing up to you. He rubs your arms, kissing you on the cheek before pulling you close to him. He rests his chin on your shoulder, looking down at Viviana. “Can you believe how big she’s gotten?” he whispers to you as she finally nods off to sleep. 

You lay her down in her crib, Tyson standing back and admiring how gentle you were with her. He hugs you from behind again, the two of you taking a moment to just look at your daughter. You lead him out of the room, closing her door carefully. “She is so beautiful,” you gush about your daughter even though she was the reason you were perpetually exhuasted.

Tyson hugs you, finally getting the chance to kiss you hello. “She takes after you. The room, though, is very pink.” You can’t help but laugh at the same observation he makes whenever he goes into her room. As soon as you found out you were having a girl, Tyson went overboard, buying every dress he could, little bows, cute socks, anything that looked like it was made for a girl, regardless of color or if it actually conformed to the gender construct, he bought, or convinced his teammates to buy for him so you couldn’t get mad at him for coming home with yet another Avalanche related baby item. 

  “I was nine months pregnant when you painted that, you know it’s your fault.” The two of you go to your own bedroom, you ready to crawl in bed even though it was the middle of the afternoon. “If she wakes up, can you take care of her?” you ask him, climbing under the sheets. 

“Yeah, but before you go to sleep, I think we need to talk.” You look at him, knowing that sentence typically comes with bad news, but Tyson’s face said otherwise. “I know Viviana isn’t even a year old yet, and I know we said we would wait until she was, but I think I’m ready to try for another kid now,” he says, “Only if you are, too, of course.” 

You look away from him, a picture of you and him looking down at Viviana right after she was born sitting in the frame on your bedside table. You knew Tyson wanted a big family, you wanted one with him. It was an easy decision: “Can we wait until after I get some sleep?” 

The smile on his face grows, excited that you were going to be trying for a bigger family. He plants a soft, sweet kiss on your head as you gently fall to sleep.

 Thirty Four Years Old

“Viviana Abigale, come down here!” you call to the birthday girl as your friends and family started showing up at your house. “Tyson, I think Cale and Gabe are here,” you say to your husband, hearing voices of his teammates carrying through your house indicating that Tyson had left the front door open for anyone to just walk in. 

You hear your kids running through the house, three sets of feet pounding against the floor as everyone started to show up with gifts and more food. 

It was Vivi’s tenth birthday, and Tyson insisted that you have a party to celebrate your oldest child turning double-digits. Part of you thought he just wanted to show off the house now that it was finally put back together after you had it redone, but he did more of the work in preparing. You were worried that would mean having a similar party with Alexander turned ten in two years, or when Jimmy did in four. Anything to have a party to celebrate your family, Tyson was the first to suggest you make it happen. 

Soon, your house and yard were filled with everyone you loved, laughing, eating, the kids playing. You watched as Alexander chased Jimmy with one of the hockey sticks Tyson’s mom had kept from when he was little. Tyson must have seen the anxious look on your face, “Don’t worry, he won’t do anything. Alexander is harmless.” You both laugh as he hands you a glass of wine, you swirling around in the glass instead of taking a sip. 

“Want to go inside?” you ask him, taking his hand. You set the class down on the counter, Tyson showing a look of confusion by the untouched glass. You lead him to the wall underneath the stairs, looking at all the pictures that were there. The latest school pictures of your three children, a picture of you and Tyson on your wedding day, a picture of the two of you that your mom took when you went to the school dance together when you were in your first year of high school. “God, do you remember that night?”

“I only remember what I was wearing because of that picture and that I wanted to dance only with you,” he says, wrapping his arms around you.

“You were fourteen, there’s no way that’s what you were thinking of,” you tease him. “You danced with me once that night and spent the rest of the night leaning against the wall with the rest of the boys.”

“I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of you!” he argues back, his face turning red with the embarrassment he didn’t want.

You laugh, giving him a quick kiss, “I beat you up when we were five. Nothing you could do in front of me could be more embarrassing than that.” 

The two of you stand there for a little while longer, staring at the pictures that were on the wall of your family. “Hey, Tys?”

“Yeah?”

“When we first got married, how many kids did you think we would have?” 

He stops and thinks, knowing that he never explicitly told you, letting you decide how many you ultimately had. “I always wanted four.”

“Are you mad that we only have three?”

He looks at you. “Mad? Of course not.” How could he be mad that you gave him the three most beautiful children he could have asked for. They looked more like you than they did like him, but they definitely had his childish antics down to a t. 

“Would you be mad if we had a fourth?”

“Again, of course not,” he says, confused by what you were trying to say. You smile at him, it finally clicking. “You’re-?” he starts, unable to figure out how to express his joy with words. You nod, him pulling you in for a tight hug. “Holy shit!” he screams, “Holy shit, are you serious?”

“There are children, Tys!” you say, laughing as you cover his mouth. 

“We’re having another kid,” he says, his eyes lighting up. 

“We’re having another kid.”

 Fifty One Years Old

“Lucas!” you call to your youngest son, knowing he was the only other person in the house with you. You were trying to make dinner, one of Tyson’s favorite meals for his birthday.

“Yeah, Mom?” your sixteen year old says, not looking up from his phone as he walks into the kitchen.

Your hands were covered with raw meat, mixing everything up to prepare the stuffed burgers. “Can you run to the store and get me another onion?”

Lucas groans, in a typical teenage fashion. “Dad is already at the store getting you basil, can’t you just call him to get it?”

“No, because this is his phone,” you tell him, hitting the screen with your elbow so it doesn’t lock on you since that’s where the recipe is. “And it was parsley. The keys are by the door, there’s cash in my wallet, and yes I expect the receipt and know how much I had to start with,” you say to him.

He rolls his eyes at you, leaving for the store anyway. Lucas drives to the store, muttering to himself that you would send him out when Dad was already there. He laughs as he pulls in next to Dad’s car, knowing that he was bound to run into him while he was there. He wanders through the store, not looking for the onion in the slightest in hopes to find his father and tell him to get it so he can get home and go back to the game he was on with his friends. 

Lucas finds Tyson in the spice aisle, standing there with two small bottles in his hands, one parsley, one basil. “She wanted parsley,” he says, startling his dad. 

“I couldn’t remember what she said, so thank god you came,” he says, putting the basil back. “What did she send you to get?”

“An onion.” The two of them walk through the store, back to the produce that Lucas had already passed in hopes of getting out of there faster. “Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah, bud?” he asks, examining the pile of onions as he tried to figure out which one would be the one his wife would pick. 

“Mom has already sent you here four times this week, and now me twice. Why do you put up with it?” he asks, clearly annoyed.

Tyson laughs, picking up one of the onions and heading to check out. “I would do anything for her, no matter how ridiculous or how many times she asks me to do it.” He looks at his youngest son, the only one who looked more like him than you, “One day, hopefully, you’re going to find someone who you love more than anything on this Earth, and you would do anything in the world to make sure that they stay happy. This is part of what keeps your mother happy, so how could I not do it?”

 Eighty Eight Years Old

You look around from the head table, Tyson’s hand in yours as your entire family has overtaken the restaurant. Viviana and her husband had picked you up at your house, telling you that she was taking out to her home for an anniversary dinner. You were instead taken to your favorite restaurant, greeted but your children, your grandchildren, your brother and his family, Kacey and her family, everyone you cared about.

You sit there, listening to your children and some of your grandchildren talk about what it means to be in love. “Dad would drop everything if Mom asked him to do something. There was nothing too ridiculous that she could ask of him.”

“Growing up, it was the stolen looks, Dad looking at Mom with love filling his eyes and her not noticing, or Mom doing the same to Dad, neither of them ever looking at the same time.”

“Look around at everyone here: love between two people creates love between more. We wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you.” 

Sixty five years.

Four children.

Thirteen grandchildren.

Currently five great grandchildren, two more on the way in a few months.

The perfect life, the perfect husband. 

[extremelyblackandwhite]

handmaid - 11

PAIRING: mob!sebastian stan x ingenue!reader

WARNINGS: age gap, mentions of violence, gun mentioning

A/N: i watched endings, begginings again solely because of the scene we get a close up of seb making out with shailene and that scene will forever make me want him in unholy ways. hope you enjoy this chapter xxx

NEXT CHAPTER

    - What? - Y/N stared at him, not because she hadn’t heard what he had said but because her brain seemed to have stopped mid synapse. She wondered if this was the hopeless romantic in her mixed with the lack of sleep that were making her hear things. But no. That confirmation came to her through his actions as he stepped close enough to her she could feel his breathe on her cheekbone. His hand cradled her face, looking at her with the uttermost adoration, almost like a scene straight off Springtime by Pierre-Auguste Cot. 

   - I’m here, nothing and no one can harm you. I don’t think you understand the things I would do for you. - he traced her bottom lip with his calloused thumb causing her small hairs to raise up as a shiver rolled down her spine. 

   - I ... You shouldn’t. - she was too immobile to even try and step back, but in all honesty, even if her nerves weren’t stopping her from moving, she herself would’ve stopped herself from moving. It felt nice. - You make me very nervous, Mr. Stan.

She took a step forward, hearing the shift of the gravel as her sock covered feet moved so her toes touched the point of his shoes. She wasn’t entirely sure what to do but there was an overwhelming need to be close to him. As so, she stretched her arms to him, wrapping them around his neck and burying her head in his pyjama shirt. It was a very baggy shirt with the logo of Regis High School. She guessed it had probably been his during his high school years and the little holes and slight thin patches of fabric spread across the tee contributed to that guess of hers. Sebastian sighed at this motion, his hand coming to rest upon the small of her back while his lips pressed against the crown of her head, slightly inhaling the faint scent of her lavender shampoo.

They remained in that same position as the bird slowly awaked as the very first sun rays broke through the night sky, the sounds of nature making them both forget they had just escaped a crossfire. They continued in that embrace until his phone loudly rang from the backseat where he had thrown it before. 

With much regret, he broke the embrace, hand taking slightly longer to her waist as he grabbed his phone, angrily answering it. Y/N just stood there, hand hoovering over his like someone who really wanted to hold his hand but was too shy to do so. Of course she was to shy to do so, this was her friend’s future husband. The same future husband who she would have to kiss and some day give a child to and here she was fully considering the idea of entering some sort of Anna/Vronsky relationship minus the opium and suicide.

   - I’ll be there in a few. - his words as the phone beeped off took her off her thought pattern.

   - Is everything alright? - she questioned, worry laced into her sleepy sounding voice. It was 4 AM after all, Y/N guessed that all in all, she’d probably gotten about an hour or two of sleep. 

   - Yeah. - he sighed, rubbing the side of his neck out of tiredness. - We need to go. 

   - Where are we going? - what was she doing? she asked herself as she noticed she was already sat in the shotgun seat without getting an answer. Was she that enamoured that she would get in the car without any response? Maybe, yet he did let this particular sight of safety. 

  - Airport.

She watched as his eyes were kept on the brightening road. Y/N didn’t know exactly what to say, all she knew exactly was that he made her feel warm and nervous but not in the way that being next to a mob boss. You should fear contact with one not crave one. 

Things were rather silent until the crash of noise from the airport made her look at something rather than the side of his face, watching as various airplanes landed a bit closer than she’d ever seen them land. He just drove as if a plane couldn’t misdirect or mislead and hit them, he drove with that sort of confidence that made you want to throw your arms in the air in great Taylor Swift music video fashion. He drove with the confidence she wished she had. 

The car slowly yet surely came to halt and as she turned her face to the window she could see the airplane from a few days before. She guessed they were going home for safety and despite her love for Paris, right now she wanted to go somewhere familiar. 

   - Gwen’s already inside. - he put his hand on the glove compartment, picking the music box and handing it to her. - Make sure you don’t lose this one too.

   - Are you not coming? - she noticed his hand was still very much gripping the wheel of the car. 

   - After this, I think I have some matters that need resolving. 

   - Why won’t you come with us? Surely it is Mr. Williams’ job to look over the Paris affairs. 

   - He’s very useless, angel. If I leave him to do anything, I’ll have to fly back and fix it. Besides, I’m sending him to New York for a bit after his disastrous deal.

   - Oh ... - she cradled the music box closer to her chest. - Are you gonna be alright?

   - Are you worried about me, angel? - he smirked at her, immediately causing her cheeks to heat up. - I will be just fine, you need only worry about Gwen.

   - That’s not what I meant. - Y/N faintly smiled at him, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek which took Sebastian off guard. It was so sweet and so young that half the rage he had accumulated towards whoever shot at his hotel. She just stared at her lap, lightly tracing the golden details of the box. - I don’t exactly want to go to your funeral.

   - I think I’ll be fine, angel. 

He is a mob boss, he will be fine. One does not become notorious by being easy to wound or easy to kill. Nevertheless, so had been the man who raised her and Gwen and he had still gotten a pretty bad wound shot every once in a while. No one is invisible. Achilles had his heel and Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus all had a lot more and they were all heroes who were eventually defeated. Dynasties fall and Y/N had seen it plenty of times.

She opened the door of the car, her sock covered feet reminding her that she was about to walk into a private jet in her pyjamas and socks. Gwen surely had thrown her into some wild situations yet none seemed to quite match up to this one. 

Closing the door behind her, she walked to the stairs that led to the door of the plane, turning around to briefly wave at Sebastian before he took off. Maybe it was best they were separated for a bit, maybe it was just a little crush that would vanish with a bit of time. What she wasn’t expecting was to walk into Gwen having her neck peppered and sucked by one of the bodyguards, Christian. 

    - Morning, Y/N. - she pushed the man away, giving her an enthusiastic smile as Y/N sat in the leathered seat in front of her. - Where have you been? Elias said Sebastian took you during the crossfire.

    - Yeah, are you okay? Sebastian said you were, I’m really sorry I didn’t come to find you.

    -  You two are sure buddying up. - she opened one of the magazines that were on the stand as the plane prepared to take off. 

    -  Oh, it’s not that. - she bite her lip looking at her feet.

    - Of course it is. You better not tell him about any of the boys or Christian, the last thing I need is to have someone dead because my fiancée is jealous. 

    - I’ve told you I’ll never tell on you besides he’s not jealous, he’s just worried about you. 

   - Well ... - she smirked, lowering the magazine. - He does employ some very fine men, specially at the art of bedding.

   - See, this is why your dad didn’t want you to watch Sex and the City when you were younger. - Y/N laughed, remembering when a teenage Gwen would sneak in at night along with her to watch Sex and the City reruns on the TV which would constantly annoy Mr. Forrest. 

   - You can’t be such a prude, you must have someone on your radar. Seriously, has there never been a guy who made you want to take a cold shower just from looking at him?

   - Guys don’t tend to look at me Gwen, they look at you. 

   - Bullshit. I could just bet you have someone and you’re just not telling me. 

Y/N just laughed it off, leaning against her pillows and the sleep finally won her over, throwing her for a nice slumber. She was awoken by the faint sound of rain hitting glass and as she slowly opened her eyes, she came to see the airport of what she called home for now. 

Rather quickly and wearing one of the bodyguards jacket in order to not look like a public threat to society in her pyjamas and socks, both her and Gwen were hushed into the limo which drove them back to their penthouse. The building looked darker and the weather was even darker. She prepared to go inside the bed and sleep more, despite having slept for 9 hours on the plane from Paris to NY. 

   - You look terrible. - Y/N heard a familiar voice as the lift doors opened. A big smile stretched on her face as she saw Dan standing there. - Are you even wearing any shoes?

  - You’re here! - she jumped into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck before stepping away for a bit. - I wasn’t expecting you to be here this soon.

  - After the crossfire, I decided to spend some time with you and Gwen at least until Mr. Stan returns

  - Oh great. - Gwen rolled her eyes. - Another babysitter. 

  - It’s good to see you too, Gwen. - he turned his gaze back to Y/N. - You look unharmed. Survived your first crossfire

  - Yeah, it’s been a crazy few days. Enough about me, did you bring Sophie? 

  - No, she’s staying at her mum’s for a while but we can go and visit I’m sure she’ll love to see you. 

  - Just set the date. 

  - So ... - Daniel took a seat on the living room’s coach while Gwen returned to her room, Christian in her foot. Y/N guessed she would be better sat by Dan’s side than in her room where she would possibly hear sounds of things she didn’t really feel like hearing right now. - I heard from Gwen that Sebastian was the one who took you during the crossfire. 

  - Yeah, his room was closer to mine ... - it wasn’t, it was as further from hers as it was from Gwen’s but she didn’t exactly felt like telling Dan that she had kissed his sister’s fiancé. - He’s not as bad as you think, Dan. 

  - You always try and see the good in people, Y/N. It is remarkable but please be careful. Seriously, there are things in this whole world that you are not used to. 

  - I’m not exactly clueless, Dan. He hasn’t been rude to me, he’s treated me as well as he treats Gwen. Besides until he mistreats any of us, I refuse to have such a deep dislike for him. 

  - Y/N, c’mon. I know you don’t get to see it but his kill count? It’s high even when compared to my dad and grandfather’s count all together. You step out of the line, you get erased. 

  - That’s not true. Mr. Williams stepped out the line in France and he’s still not dead.

  - Mr. Williams? When have you even met Thompson Williams?

  - At Gwen’s engagement party. What I mean is, I’m safe here, Dan. I would love if you stopped treating me like I’m the most clueless thing ever.

  - But you are clueless, Y/N. We’ve sheltered you and Gwen for most of it, you don’t ...

  - Oh ... - Y/N interrupted, getting up. - Since I’m that clueless, I think our conversation is over.

  - Y/N, don’t take it personally. 

  - I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow, Daniel.

tag list: @lilya-petrichor @xoxohannahlee @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater @nikkipea @madisonpillstrom @cevans98 @thelostallycat @sideeffectsofyou @anxiousdreamersworld​ @sarge-barnes-sir​

[404fmdminjung]

aesthetic & headcanon — a mixture of figures

summary: minjung has elements from a lot of characters in western shows / movies — the top three being holly golightly, alice ayres and effy stonem. there’s a duality to each of these characters that have the contrast from their surface level characterizations to what’s really shown once the facade is stripped away. the pictures highlight 3 different expressions, all which radiate ‘minjung energy’ of each character. headcanon: elaboration on the characters / how minjung relates to them. warnings: mentions of smoking. alcohol. wc: 1019

effy stonem, skins

yes, when i first made minjung i did not know this character existed. yet, after binge watching skins — i realized, there are a lot of similarities with seo minjung and effy stonem. they’re both destructive in the tendency to hurt themselves at the sake of their hearts. an emotional inability to actually voice how they feel till they’re pushed over the edge.

she will be the first to runaway with love (has done before when she broke up with yeonggi the first time) — mainly because that sort of shit is suffocating to her, and she doesn’t see it as healthy for mind. but also short-sighted when she realizes not having love also causes a turmoil of events that cause her to dwell in self-ruination.

love love love — what’s it good for? absolutely thing. that quote resonated with minjung as she didn’t see herself ever stepping into permanency. similarly, effy has elements of these as well, where hers is more family trouble based minjung is more about the backstory where she moved around a lot.

loves the cigarettes and alcohol, but doesn’t drag people into it. instead, it follows her and without a crowd she partakes in it and with a crowd, she thrives in it. there’s a feeling of losing herself in these settings, where she doesn’t have to think about anything except jump around to loud music — in that case, they’re very alike.

the whole whimsical big picture? it’s less effy more minjung. yet, they still have similarities when effy pops in the big picture questions once in a while, only that is how minjung talks 99% of the time.

takes two steps forward only to take one step back, and doesn’t realize the repercussions till it’s too late.

a mental health not really addressed because she’s too busy living in the moment than dwelling on past things — this in turn causes it to fester and ruminate into something bigger in the end (i don’t think minjung will have a great downfall like effy though.)

effy also has these attributes where she has a smile no one can decipher — often times, minjung does that. will hold these things above people’s head like she’s talking nonsense, only to polish it off with a smile. people think of her as ‘bonkers’ as pandora says, and people know that minjung’s comments should just be brushed off and not thought about for long.

in my opinion, i think she’d resemble effy the most or maybe alice ayres.

holly golightly, breakfast at tiffany’s

whimiscal in the way she goes about life — that in the essence is minjung. having fun, ignoring the problems / history of herself for the sake of what is presented in the present / in front of cameras.

an american geisha? that isn’t minjung, nor is she an alluring siren (but holly was never meant as that characterization). 

holly golightly has this mysterious factor that fred can’t figure out, and in a way minjung does have this mysterious factor she keeps to not let people in too close for her. both in that regard have a defense mechanism in that way.

holly speaks in grand wording, the life of the party with no regard for tomorrow. minjung isn’t so much the life of the party, let’s get faded type gal, but she still does hold certain elements in her wording and her constant taste for excitement inside her bones. she doesn’t want boredom, doesn’t like monotony in many things — just because every three years she was subjected to something new in her history. i guess, elements of holly somewhat bleed onto her there.

love versus keeping up the euphoria from her own facade — she’d pick love everytime just as how holly inevitably ends up picking fred in the end. hopeless romantic deep rooted heart, that is her essence and she fools no one once the layers are peeled back.

acts like nothing phases her despite the whole world hovering over her head like a tight enclosed space, heralding her as

alice ayres / jane jones, closer

once alice is in love, she’s clingy — similarly to alice, minjung is also clingy? loves the feeling of being in love and letting everyone know it. she’ll show her love in front of people with a real disregard for anyone in the room except her partner. 

often times, love leads her to be blind — she has tunnel vision to the point where the ‘apple of her eye’ literally becomes her partner, but she still remains keen to every little detail of her partner.

i think — the reason i pick alice ayres as being close to minjung predominately stems from her way of clicking off, and closing herself off in face of heartbreak. the moment she senses something is seriously off, she’ll run like wild-girl and do something irrational. 

and alice is really calculative, and smart — she does things that people don’t expect until it’s too late while dropping little hints. that sort of long-term planning, and the small details is very minjung-esque.

because there’s love which consumes, and once that gets stripped away she feels bare for a time period — might cut her hair, do something crazy. give up a little because heartbreak hurts more than anything in her personal opinion.

i won’t spoil the movie, but the big plot twist at the end would be something minjung does — tell someone she doesn’t love them, and split to get lost so that she’ll never be found again. seems like her to harbor a lie for a long time just for the sake of love and protecting her own heart (though, in regards to yeonggi, she would never because their love is nothing like alice / dan’s).

honorable mentions

lee bona (the heirs) for the sake of jealousy that minjung has when she’s really in love

cassie from skins series 1&2 — the whimsical nature of never showing how she feels

blair waldorf — just for the pure ruthlessness of her when she gets angry / upset

[agentnico]

Top 10 Best Movies of 2020

2020 - what a year, eh? What a jolly, cheerful and happy year it has been, with hardly any problems and a general peaceful and prosperous time for the ever progressive people of Earth! I’m kidding, let’s get real, what the hell was 2020 all about?! What a way to begin the decade! At least we got some movies, emphasis on ‘some’ as most of them got delayed due to cinema closures. In any case, there were still some little gems that gave us some form of limited escapism in these hardship times, and here they are, my favourite films of 2020...

Honourable mentions: An American Pickle, Emma, Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Candace Against the Universe

10) COLOR OUT OF SPACE - “Milk the Alpacas!” With call-backs to 80′s John Carpenter horror films, with an added flair of Nicolas Cage and alpacas (you heard me), we are slowly plunged into a hellish landscapes of madness, deformity and desolation. So, ya know, a typical Saturday night watch with the kids!

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/611042880586481664/colour-out-of-space-2020-review

9) UNHINGED - “I don’t think you really know what a bad day is. But you’re going to find out.” In any other year, this thing wouldn’t make the list. In 2020, a B-movie action film with a road-raging Russell Crowe is exactly the kind of entertainment I’m after! This by no means a great film, but with all the cheesy one liners and obvious foreshadowing, with Russell chewing up the scenery like it’s nobody’s business, you’re guaranteed to not be bored.

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/625701541861523456/unhinged-2020-review

8) MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM - “I’ve got my time coming to me.” When it comes to the year’s best performance, hands down its Chadwick Boseman as the trumpet player in this film, providing us with with a role with such heart and soul (appropriately for the jazz subject), who at first comes off as this self-obsessed selfish arrogant snob who only cares about achieving his own stardom, but then as his layers are unpacked, we discover that underneath this façade is a man filled with such sadness and rage, having endured much profound trauma in his past, and it’s all brought to life so powerfully by Boseman’s dedicated performance. This role alone proves what a truly talented actor we’ve lost this year. Wakanda forever!

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/637939894686285824/ma-raineys-black-bottom-2020-review

7) THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME - "I ain’t gonna take the blame for no bastard child!” Robert Pattinson plays a high pitched voiced priest that is a pervert. Somehow I’m sold!

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/629773151704858624/the-devil-all-the-time-2020-review

6) BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC - “Be excellent to one another, and party on dudes!!” Any other year, this film would have passed the public’s eye without much of an impression and would have vanished into oblivion. In 2020 though, where so much negativity has been imposed upon us all, the simplistic absurdist debauchery of Bill and Ted is exactly what was needed to lighten everyone’s mood. Excellent!!

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/627980138875912192/bill-ted-face-the-music-2020-review

5) DA 5 BLOODS - “We won't let nobody use our rage against us. We control our rage.” Director Spike Lee is in the house, this time lighting up another joint and taking us on an adventure to find some treasure, whilst also providing commentary on the hardships of the Vietnam war and the PTSD that it caused to its survivors. Great cast, powerful message and a Black Panther to seal the deal!

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/620819114989076480/da-5-bloods-2020-review

4) THE GENTLEMEN - “There’s only one rule in this jungle! When the lion is hungry, he eats.” This is such a cool film! Like, that’s the best way to put it: so cool!! Simply a bunch of cool geezers acting all cool and mighty spilling Guy Ritchie’s cool dialogue whilst appearing super cool. Did I mention this film is cool?! So cool!!

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/190289146259/the-gentlemen-2020-review

3) SOUL - “Your life is so sad and pathetic and you’re working hard to get back to it. I mean, why? This I gotta see!” Dang it, Pixar, you’ve done it again!! In this case, it’s the movie’s earnest and profound message of learning to enjoy the little things that makes it so touching to the, ahem, soul. It may not seem like it right now, but we shall all be okay. Everything will be okay. Stay safe everyone.

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/638668902755336192/soul-2020-review

2) THE TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7 - “We're not going to jail because of what we did. We're going to jail because of who we are!” This courtroom drama is an eye-opener of the reality of American dream and politics, and is a must-watch, even though it’s a bit late now to fix such a broken system. I’m sure many Americans may see this film as unpatriotic, but reality is actually not far from what this film is saying. It speaks the truth. The Aaron Sorkin truth! Then again, as heard many times before: “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!”

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/632238115847913473/the-trial-of-the-chicago-7-2020-review

1) EUROVISION SONG CONTEST: THE STORY OF FIRE SAGA - “Play Ja Ja Ding Dong!!” Look, I’m not even ashamed to say it, I absolutely loved this movie! It may not be the pinnacle of modern day filmmaking, but it brought so much zany fun and cheesiness that was a breath of fresh air this year. With a scene stealing performance from Dan Stevens as a campy Russian pop singer, and filled with cheesy original pop songs such as “Lion of Love”, “Double Trouble” and “Husavik”, this is THE feel-good movie of the year. I also have a special sentimental place in my heart for this flick since I told my girlfriend for the first time that I loved her after watching this movie. What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic! I follow up a Will Ferrell with an “I love you”. This one’s for you, my lovely! 

Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/622342894264664064/eurovision-song-contest-the-story-of-fire-saga

With that we close the book of 2020, and open up the cover of 2021. Oh boy, here we go again!...

[sinkix]

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here 

✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧

Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library. 

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off. 

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating??? 

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would  also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

[gayrett-hawke]

Getting to Know Hawke

Basics

Name: Garrett Hawke

Age at the start of their game: 27 (born 30 Firstfall, 9:03 Dragon)

Gender: Male

Sexual orientation: Gay

Race: Human

Class: Mage

Height: 6'4"

Weight: 227 lbs

Eyes: Brown

Hair color/texture: Black; Wavy (not that you can tell with how short it normally is)

Skin tone: Ivory

Do they tan or freckle?: He definitely tans, and he gets some freckles too, but they're so faint, it's hardly noticeable

Any distinctive physical characteristics?: Other than being a big, beefy boy with a fabulous beard? Just some scars here and there, most notably the one across his nose that he usually covers with war paint

Personality

Personality type: ESFP-T

Optimist, pessimist, or realist?: Realist

Best traits:

Charming

Friendly

Outgoing

Compassionate

Loyal

Worst flaws:

Self-Deprecating

Foolhardy

Soft-Hearted

Audacious

Evasive

Tropes that apply to them:

All-Loving Hero

Almighty Janitor

Aloof Big Brother

Badass Unintentional

Because Destiny Says So

Benevolent Boss

Beware the Silly Ones

Big Brother Instinct

Bullying a Dragon

The Caretaker

Casual Danger Dialogue

The Charmer

Cosmic Plaything

Deadpan Snarker

The Dutiful Son

Failure Hero

Fight Magnet

Friend to All Children

Heroic Self-Deprecation

Hurting Hero

It's All My Fault

Let's Get Dangerous!

Living Emotional Crutch

Magic Knight

Magnetic Hero

Modest Royalty

Must Make Amends

Nay-Theist

Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!

Non-Idle Rich

Obfuscating Stupidity

One-Man Army

Properly Paranoid

Rage Breaking Point

Reluctant Warrior

Right Man in the Wrong Place

Royals Who Actually Do Something

Sad Clown

Seen It All

The Snark Knight

Warrior Therapist

You Are Better Than You Think You Are

Are there any songs that particularly suit them?:

Forever Young by Youth Group

Don't Stop Me Now by Queen

Warriors by Imagine Dragons

Smile by Nat King Cole

For You I Will by Tata Young

If yes, would they agree with your selections?: Yeah, probably, but he might prefer I leave out the 4th one

Preferences

Favorite color: Red

Favorite animal: DRAGONS!

Taste in clothing: Casual. Anything that's comfortable, sturdy, and at least somewhat decent-looking

How do they feel about mage rights?: Would like some, thank you

How do they feel about the other races of Thedas?: As long as the personality is decent, he gets along with them. Also, Qunari are big and strong, and he admires them from an aesthetic point of view

Are they religious?: Not especially, but he technically was raised Andrastian

If they were to find themselves in a modern AU

Favorite food: Burgers

Drink order: Dark and Stormy, Old-Fashioned, or Whiskey Sour

What would they wear for a night out?: An obnoxiously-tight black t-shirt, a red flannel with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of jeans, and some black Doc Martens

Song(s) that would be sure to get them on the dance floor:

Take on Me by a-ha

Tubthumping by Chumbawamba

All Star by Smash Mouth

Blue (Da Ba Dee) by Eiffel 65

Ma Ya Hi (Dragostea Din Tei) by Dan Balan and Lucas Prata

What Is Love by Haddaway

Careless Whisper by George Michael

Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley

YMCA by Village People

Rasputin by Boney M

U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer

Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye

September by Earth, Wind, and Fire

College major: Kinesiology or Paleontology, maybe

Ideal date: Amusement Park

Favorite movie and/or film genre: Shrek 2; Comedy

Family/Friends/Love Life

Relationship with their parents: Garrett was very close to Malcolm. As the firstborn and a fellow mage, he had plenty of time to bond with his father and follow in his footsteps. His relationship with Leandra wasn't as solid, though. He always wanted to make her proud, but she put a lot on him after his father died, and he mostly just accepted that she needed someone to take her pain out on

Siblings (outside of canon): Surprising or no, Hawke really loves Carver. He's not great at being serious and all that, but he does actually care and would do anything for his younger brother. He also realizes how much Carver has had to deal with and is willing to be an emotional punching bag whenever he needs it. His relationship with Bethany was a lot better, since they spent a lot of time learning magic together, and she was more willing to let loose than Carver. She was his rock, and the rest of the family's too, and her loss affected him deeply

Best friend(s): Varric, Isabella, Anders (initially), and Inquisitor Adaar (if she is able to exist in the RP)

Companion(s) they get along best with: Fenris, Isabella, Varric, Merrill, and Anders (initially)

Companion(s) they get along worst with: Carver (one-sided), Sebastian, and Anders (eventually)

Companion(s) from other games in the series you wish they could meet, and why: Alistair back when he was a Grey Warden, just because of the sheer amount of goofy himbo energy they both have

Age of sexual debut: Probably around 16 or 17 (but please don't be creepy about it; mun is ace and is only basing this age on what they heard about from their peers in high school)

Romanced: Fenris (RPs will not go beyond flirting with anyone he met after this man who stole his heart)

Relationship status as of the end of Inquisition: Partners

Are there any songs that particularly suit their romance?:

All On Me by Devin Dawson (with altered gender terms)

Did I Mention by Jeff Lewis and Mitchell Hope (again, altering gendered vocabulary)

Arms by Christina Perri

Latch by Sam Smith

What are they like as a romantic partner?: Snarky and playful, but ultimately putty in his partner's hands. He's a bit of a hopeless romantic and will turn his whole life upside down to please the one he loves. Also prone to grand romantic gestures and spontaneous displays of affection

Do they enjoy cuddling?: Absolutely!

Do they want children?: Not particularly

Do they (now or eventually) have children?: No

Skills

Can they cook?: A bit

Can they sing/play an instrument?: Sing? Sure. Play an instrument? No

Are they a good dancer? If not, do they do it anyway?: He can be, but it's much more fun to goof off and entertain the people around him

Do they have any creative hobbies?: Not really

Any martial training beyond their main weapon?: Malcolm trained him in swordfighting before his magic kicked in

Languages spoken: The common tongue and a bit of Tevene he picked up from Fenris

Any other unique skills they'd like us to know about?: He's pretty talented at drinking, but anything else he'd like you to know probably wouldn't be appropriate to repeat

Template

[wheredidthe80sgo]

Should I read All For The Game?

A fan’s perspective, in case you were wondering whether or not you needed this mafia-sports series in your life (hint: I think you do).

(This post was made by a fan for people who may want to become fans. I was unsure about first reading something so different to other books I’ve read, so I thought that I should just put this out there for people who might feel the same way.)

Reasons to read AFTG:

1. The fandom: I’m starting with one of my favourite things about AFTG. While the fandom is small, it’s dedicated. There is fanart and textposts and fanfiction all over the place from these dedicated people. It was so nice to read a book series and walk into a place where other people are already there, and continuing to contribute to it. And from my pov, there really isn’t that much drama which is nice (although I am on the outskirts).

2. The writing: considering you won’t find AFTG in your local bookstore as it wasn’t published by a company, the writing and storytelling is well done. Sure, it reads like a fanfiction, but sometimes it’s nice to read something self-indulgent rather than literary masterpiece. Nora did well with the world-building and the grammar and spelling is all correct (which I wanted to mention since the writing was something I was hesitant about when reading it for the first time).

3. The actual storyline: yes, it has the Japanese mafia and a made up sport, but AFTG is nothing if not entertaining. There are twists and turns which I did not expect (the end of The Raven King anyone?) and there’s always something to keep you guessing and wanting more. It might sound ridiculous, but watching Neil Josten run from the yakuza is good fun. And, like I said before, this is no literary masterpiece like Dickens or Tolstoy, so just go with it and have fun.

4. The characters: the cast of characters is one thing I love especially about these books. Yes, most of them are assholes, but somehow you fall in love with them one by one. Our protagonist, Neil Josten, is one hell of a messed up kid, and yet makes you laugh and cry many times, or maybe that’s just me. Andrew Minyard, our blond midget, is, in my one opinion, the most interesting character in the series, and certainly provides the books with something... unique. Surrounding our two leads is the Palmetto State Foxes, and a lot of them: Andrew’s twin, Aaron; their cousin, Nicky; Kevin Day, former Exy superstar; Dan Wilds, team captain and badass; Matt Boyd, Dan’s boyfriend and resident Bro; Renee Walker, good girl with a mysterious past; Allison Reynolds, beautiful heiress; Seth Gordon, absolute asshole and Allison’s sometimes boyfriend; Wymack, coach; Abby, team nurse; and Bee Dobson, their therapist. The Foxes are an extremely dysfunctional bunch, yet come together as a family (eventually). They’re moving in times, hilarious in others, and always, always brilliant. Along with the main characters, there are side characters, such as Jean Moreau and Jeremy Knox, who absolutely steal your hearts while being present in less than ten scenes (less than five for Jeremy!!). Also, if you try hard enough, the characters can all be very gay. Personally, out of all of the characters mentioned above, the only straight ones to me are Aaron and Wymack, but it’ s really up to your personal opinion. The fandom certainly has a lot of opinions on this.

5. The sports: now, I’m not a huge sports fan, but when I tell you I actually got excited for the Exy matches, I mean it. A brutal lacrosse-type game, Exy is complicated and hard to understand, yet keeps you excited. Yes, it has lots of subplots related to the yakuza, but AFTG is a sports series at heart, and Exy is certainly fun. Plus, Kevin and Neil’s over-the-top obsessions are certainly a great running gag and guaranteed to make you laugh and/or sigh at least once.

6. The relationships: finally, we arrive. As a hopeless romantic, I always need romance in my books to keep me interested, and AFTG certainly delivers. On your first read, it may not be as obvious who the intended romance is, but by the time you get to the third book (spoiler alert!!) Andrew and Neil kick off their romance and it is beautiful. Featuring one of only two representations of demisexual characters I’ve ever seen in books, AFTG is romantic and very gay while featuring things like PTSD, assault and consent throughout. I may not be the best person to talk about this, but the way consent is handled is absolutely beautiful. If you research the fandom, you would know that one of the main things Andrew and Neil are known for is ‘yes or no’. The subtle way these two handle their relationship is a great way to represent consent, showing how it doesn’t need to spoil the mood. Not only does the series have great romantic relationships, but also familial connections. The Foxes are super dysfunctional (especially a few people in particular), but they do end up being a found family, which is always something to look forward to.

7. The aesthetic: orange, white and black, cigarettes, rooftops, gay pining, knives and guns; need I say more?

Although!! While I love these books for everything they are, I understand that other people have different experiences so I feel like I should mention there are a few things in the series that could potentially trigger people, so I just want to add a trigger warning: mentions of rape/abuse, drugs and alcohol use, homophobia, explicit violence, swearing, sex (not so explicit) , use and mention of things like knives and guns, quite a bit of torture (mainly talked about, or described in flashbacks except for one scene in the third book). All of the Foxes have traumatic backstories and as they’re being targeted by the yakuza so some really bad things happen over the series to a few characters. 

In conclusion (if you didn’t want to read all that), All For The Game is one of my favourite book series of all time, so of course I’m a little biased, but it truly is a good series. Very much something to read when you don’t want to take it too seriously, it has a dedicated fan base with great characters, relationships and a killer aesthetic. Everyone should say thank you Nora Sakavic for bringing this into our world (although we all collectively disregarded her canon pretty quickly). Yes, it has fanfic tropes (quite a few, now that I think about it) and it gets pretty ridiculous and cringe-worthy sometimes, but it also means a lot to a lot of people like me, and hopefully, if you’d like, it could mean something to you too.

[xsecretblastsx]

1x10 - High Society

Finally I’ve reach a double digit episode, and what an episode, I feel this is where I really start questioning characters decisions, but I also love drama so, withouth more preamble, here’s the recap. Again it got insanely long.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I love “comin home baby”, so right there this show is making me so happy.

I’ve actually paused the episode to see the date of the debutante ball a.k.a Cotillion 

I love Blair’s red tigh outfit, also where did that guy Prince Theodore came from?

Chuck’s proud face when Nate mentions how happier Blair seems lately, and also, dude really you don’t miss your girlfriend haha

Honestly I feel this scene with all these parallel conversations about Cotillion is great, right up my alley.

All the subtle drama in that rehearsal, the secret glances, Chuck and Nate keeping their eyes on Blair all the time, this is the kind of content I’m here for. 

I would  like to know why everyone is in their preppy uniforms and then there’s Kati and Is who look like they’re part of Flashdance

Lilly rolling her eyes the moment she sees CeCe, and then really enjoying Cece’s mortification when she realizes Dan is a Humphrey. I love Lilly.

And from Cece’s horrified face we go to hottest PG-13 make out ever. For real though I love this scene, they both look so good and so into it, and they’re so deliciously flirty and their chemistry is out of the charts. Great choice in music too.

I don’t know who is more frustrating by Nate interrupting Chuck or myself.

Chuck’s little smile when Blair says to Nate they should  move on, only to be whipped out in the next minute

Two things about the heart pin: that was an incredibly smart move on Nate’s part, and if you had any doubt Blair Waldorf is such a hopeless romantic.

Cece such a manipulator, it’s unbelievable. Imagine if Serena was more like her family...

Nate’s tux fitting deserves an honorable mention just for the fact that Blair’s actually wearing jeans. Also he kind of deserves she’s lowkey ignoring him

I mean, Dan is so annoying, like yeah I get his point Cotillion is such an elitist unnecessary event, but the way he goes about it gets on my nerves.

Hello Carter. I actually don’t mind him this episode. 

Out of all the seasons I feel like Season 1 is the one where it’s weirder for the final reveal of who gossip girl is, right now it makes the guy really look like a sociopath, with all the stuff he pretends not to know.

Oh Nate! This scene is so fun, like Chuck is so done with the conversation and then “you guys are still pretty close aren’t you?” Dude you have no idea. And the Cherry on the cake “Could you find out who she’s seeing? - Me” he told you Nate, he told you.

Cece’s words to Dan are cruel, but it is the crux of their relationship,, right until the very end and he deals with it in the worst way possible, and why in his mind, every issue in their relationship is always Serena’s fault. Ugh.

Between Dan and Carter, yeah she should have ended with Carter, too bad Cece’s word weren’t profetic.

I wish we had a clearer view of Blair’s outfit in that scene she’s talking with that New York Times guy, because I think it’s purple, and I wish we had seen her using that color a bit more.

Chuck is so jealous and Blair’s like yeah whatever as if. But a jealous Chuck is scheming Chuck. 

I love Rufus, you go Dan (just for this one time)

I’ve always felt Serena’s look for Cotillion was a lot of gold, not in a good way, but right now? I’m kind of feeling it. And she looks gorgeous. 

I mean I think there was probably a better way to say that Grandma Cece is evil, but still I’m not sure it would have matter Serena didn’t want to listen, she never does actually now that I think of it, the end of S3 comes to mind.

Blair has the funniest lines “I’m gonna go Naomi Campbell on you” Is so sad though that we got to see so little of that Erickson Beamon necklace, it’s lovely.

“Hey Beatiful” oh the things one notices when one no longer hates Carter and VanderBaizen is your second Serena ship.

Lily and Cece’s faces at Serena’s presentation stament are to die for.

The pretty little liars song! But since I haven’t watch that show, this one is going to remain a Gossip Girl song for me.

Seeing Cece and Lily at Cotillion makes me think that Blair’s parents are the worst, it’s their daughter debut and none of them could be bothered to attend the event

It didn’t remember this was the first time they mentioned the Santorini incident, less of all in the way Carter tells it, I thought this was first mentioned in S2, 

Not exactly a fan of Lily’s scene with Dan, because yes I agree at this point for the most part Dan is a good influence, but she almost makes it look like Serenas change is thanks to Dan, and that’s not the case. She had decided to change even before she met him.

Also this is feeding Dan’s ego and his belief that he’s the best thing to happen to his girlfriends. 

Oh Chuck finding out than when it comes to Blair scheming is not an easy feat,  and to think this in only the first time this is going to happen.

Poor Chuck, that hurt. Nate’s wink adding salt to his wounds ouch.

That phone between Ruflus and Lily, yes you shouldn’t have let her go!!!

Oh how I used to like that last scene between Dan and Serena.

Seeing that scene of Cece taking her pills made me think of S5, and that’s probably the episode I hate the most in the whole show.

Blair and Nate finally get to it, but seriously Blair doing it with Nate while wearing the necklace Chuck gave you, is tasteless. Also compared to a certain scene at the start of the episode, this looks a bit dull..

Chuck running away, also him looking at the news paper where Blair is happily smiling with some guy, reminded me again of S5. 

Ending this episode with “Apologize” was so 2007, remember how popular this song was?

This was a really packed episode. It introduces us to Cece, and gaves a bit more insight into Rufus and Lily’s history. We have Jenny picking the UES over her family, she’s changing. A dash of Van der Baizen, and our first glimpse to their shared past. Dan and Serena having another clash of worlds, that ends with Lily finally acepting Dan for real; and finally the end of Chuck and Blair 1.0 and the star of Nate and Blair 2.0.

While interesting Jenny’s and Rufly bits this episode, they’re a small part of the episode, Jenny’s in particular feels like a setting up of events to come and as such I feel I have not much to say about it right now. So this episode Dan and Serena had to deal with quite an opponent: Grandma Cece.

Cece while manipulative did raised some interesting points, mainly how out of place Dan feels in the UES, all those things she mentioned are things that Dan resents about the UES, and he may be brushing it up aside for now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t linger and fester in his mind. And then we have Serena who for some reason (which i can’t help but feel is related to Dan) has decided to ditch Cotillion, the even that according to Lily she wanted to attend since she was much younger, and sure people change, Serena is proof of that but in this case I feel her not going is in part to annoyed her mother but also to prove Dan she’s the girl he thhinks she is, i know I may be projecting my dislike of Dan and Derena on this, but it just feels like that to me, and it’s a troubling aspect of their relationship. Also when Dan mentioned to Serena about Cece’s ploy, she doesn’t believe him, doesn’t want to hear it at first, and I just feel for her because sadly is not the first time she’s going to have to accept that her family is not who she think they were.

Last but not least there’s Chuck and Blair. So their secret fling lasted only a month, since the beginning it took Chuck much less effort to embrace the situation, for all his playboys ways the morning after their first time... he wanted them to get breakfast, and it took him Nate messing up again for him to convince Blair of giving them another chance. So when Nate shows interest in Blair, this is Chuck’s worst nightmare come to life, Blair had her whole life with Nate planned out since she was a little girl, she only gave up on that dream when it was clear Nate wanted no part of it, and sure Chuck knows the potential they have, he lowkey always knew, and that’s why he falls so fast, because subconciously he was halfway there since foreve, but it’s very hard to compete with years of Nate, Nate Nate, in Blairs head. So he panics, he gets jealous... and he plots. And it backfires horribly. And for the first time in his life he gets his heart broken.

I don’t judge Blair on this one though because well she knows Chuck, he has an agenda always, and him being Chuck Bass it never occurs to her that he may be realy into her beyond just sex, to her all they being doing is fooling around, she tells Chuck that he needs to learned to behave for them to move to something more, and Chuck behaving is an eufemism of so many things: trust,knowing that she matters to him enough, that he cares. And that’s a big step and it’s a conversation that needed to happen.. and then it doesn’t. Thanks Nate. But really having Nate finally wanting her, and then Chuck seemingly only caring for himself and his own amusement is not suprise she picks Nate. 

I do feel for Chuck because when he gets desperate he doesn’t think properly at all,  he knows Blair, how smart she is and that she’s a good at him at plotting and manipulation,and yet he fails to take that into account, like this episode, he wants Nate to cause a scene to shatter Blair’s image of Nate, because she tells him he would never, so it’s not hard for Blair to see that Nate only caused one because Chuck manipulated into it, it’s transparent. And this is a lesson that sadly he’s not going to learn anytime soon. 

Random bits I would like to mention: ( a bit surprised I got so many for this episode)

So Blair’s birthday is the 15th of november, this means Chuck and Blair version 1.0 lasted a month. Common knowledge I suppose, but I’ve read fanfics where the timeline is much shorter. 

A bit of personal trivia: I love the song “you’re a wolf” (the one playing when Chuck and Blair are making out) and last year was kind of weird for me and I had like a thousand mood changes so anyway, so there was one week I started listening to this song, and I just couldn’t stop re playing it, just so out of nowhere, I played it so much, it ended up being my most played song last year according to Spotify. 

I remember when the type of purse Jenny has was on fashion, and it was cool because it got to the point that street markets they were sold really cheap because they made them out or recycled materials

Chuck tells to Nate that “like the book says she’s just not that into you” and it made think that this was so long ago that there was only the book, the movie wasn’t out yet, wow.. 

I wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t fight with Dan, because then Carter wouldn’t have been at Cotillion, and then the drama between Chuc, Blair and Nate could have ended up in a completely different way.

The Palace does likes like a good place to have the Cotillion, not sure that would have been the case in real life, but here it fits nicely.

Irrelevant but apparently Kati and Is do everything together at such an extent they were scorted by two guys that I guess were brothers because they had the same last name.

You won’t believe but The Pierces have a 2020 version of Secret, it came out on my new releases list on Spotify last week.

[mind-writing0]

~Chapter 1~

Virgil Singer should have checked everything in the mail before handing it to his mother.

"Oh, can I see what's in the mail?" Virgil's younger sister, Valerie, asked. She was coming out of her small room, specs of paint like multi-color stars across her hands as she toted a small canvas. Virgil glared at her for a moment. Not that he hated her, no. He absolutely adored her. That was why he needed to protect her from-

"The House of Singer," Virgil's mother read aloud, and the boy's heart felt like it was about to explode as he came upon a startling realization. "Our beloved Prince Roman has come of age, and in celebration of his eighteenth birthday, he will be hosting a Selection to find a husband. Our recent census concludes that a young man between the ages of sixteen and twenty resides in your home. If you wish to sign up your son/brother/roommate/other relation, please contact your District Services office. We hope to see you in the Selection! From, Anja Stewart, adviser to the royal family." Virgil's mother tossed the letter on the table as if she could care less, but she was sending mixed signals that worried her son.

"The Prince?!" Valerie squealed, shaking with excitement. "Virgil, could you be the next Prince?"

"Hold on," Virgil's mother held up a hand lazily. Everything she did was lazy: her low voice, every movement, her care for her children. It was as slow as a drunk, as she was as ruined as their small wrecked house. "You wanna pretend to be a fag for a while? I heard the pay is good."

Valerie's look of hope and happiness was immediately replaced be sadness. At age thirteen, she was a hopeless romantic, and her spirit was constantly crushed by her horrible mother. She tucked a long strand of black hair behind her ear. "What does that mean?"

"It means," her mother said, "that if your brother gets chosen, he gets paid weekly for staying at the palace. That's what they did for the last Selection, anyway."

"But, Mom, I really don't want to. He's... it's-"

"You should," his mother replied. "It'd do good for all of us, considering we don't have your father no more."

That statement still stung, though he could barely remember it. His father, in panic for money after learning his wife was pregnant with a baby girl, left them. Virgil was only four years old, and he was crying over something dumb like hunger, when his father got so frustrated that he left. Virgil didn't even get to say goodbye.

"So, if you get picked, can I go with you and be dressed like a princess?" Valerie asked, trying to change the subject. She looked up at Vigil innocently, but her older brother could see how she was really feeling behind her eyes. She fantasized about a dazzling life with cute boys, but really all she wanted was for her mother to stop being the way she was.

"No, Vally." Virgil frowned at her. He hated to be this way with her, but he had to shut down his family before they got too out of hand. "I'm not signing up. For one thing," he looked right as his mother as his heart hurt in panic. He lied through his teeth, "I'm not gay. Two, even if I was, I don't want to sit there at the castle looking pretty while this wimp chooses what pretty face he wants to stand next to him for the rest of his life. Three, I probably wouldn't even get chosen if I entered. There's probably thousands of guys putting on a show at the mention of a crown. I just really don't wanna be in that castle with all those trashy people, being filmed for national T.V."

Valerie looked upset, almost as if her eyes were watering. His mother looked taken aback, yet impressed. "Damn," she nodded, "I get it, kid. I was too young to sign up myself when my generation was doin' the Selection, but I see your point. It's a real shame, too. You coulda been royalty, and we could've got out of this dump. Ah, well." She got up and grabbed the letter, then waved it around for her son to see. "Let me know if you change your mind." She stuck it on the fridge door with a small magnet. "Damn shame," she mumbled, stumbling away for her third nap of the day. 

Virgil glared at her on her way out. It was hard not to show his hatred for her at all, but especially not in front of his sister. She had to be aware of what little money they were making with her taking a job once in a blue moon. In the caste system, they were Fives. Fives were artists and musicians, and they were only a want for the rich, so it was easy to go broke in that position. Virgil's mother always took a job playing instruments with her son at the higher caste's parties. To the Twos (models and actors) and the Threes (teachers and scientist), they were a cheap gig. To the Fives, these gigs meant that they would be able to afford food.

When it came to Valerie, Virgil felt bad for how young she had to work, as if she didn't have a childhood. Luckily she liked painting, and she was good at it.

"What'd you paint?" Virgil asked, playfully ruffling his sister's hair. She smiled at her canvas and shoved it to her brother. It was a white palace, shining in front of a light blue sky. The details were incredible for such a small canvas.

Virgil felt a harmful tug in his heart. "I want you to keep it, don't you?" He asked, trying and failing to keep his voice from breaking. 

Valerie frowned, and she looked so pitiful. "I mean, yeah. I like all of my paintings, but I have to sell them. It's okay, really, Virgil."

"It's not," Virgil whispered so quietly, it was simply a breath that wasn't heard.

Valerie smiled a little at Virgil, then she went to the fridge and pulled out a small bowl of beans. "I'm gonna heat us up some dinner, 'kay?"

Virgil nodded. It only took a minute in the microwave, then they ate in silence. It was hardly any food, and Virgil felt more hungry when he finished. He washed the dishes, then went to his room and waited.

He watched the light under the door finally shut off as his sister went to bed, then he waited another hour. Cautiously, he got up and checked how he looked in the dusty bathroom mirror, playing around with his curly black hair. Then, he carefully snuck out to his backyard. After two years of perfecting this, he could climb up the panels that went up to his old tree house.

Inside it was tiny, but it felt like a better home than his actual home. There was a soft rug and a candle that was lit when someone was in there.

It was lit with a small flame.

Though there had never been an intruder in the tree house, Virgil always panicked at that. Well, that and the silhouette that shadowed half of the micro-room.

Then, the intruder spoke. He spoke with a small, soft voice, though it couldn't fool Virgil to see past his trials. The trials it took to be here in the night, moonlight filtering through the window. That small voice could comfort him in any situation. The person to whom that voice belonged was the main hidden reason why Virgil couldn't enter the Selection.

"Hi, beautiful."

Dan.

Next Masterlist Previous

[celtics534]

Natural Chapter 14!

It’s time for the next installment of Natural!

Also read on: FF.net and AO3

Harry’s mouth trailed down Ginny’s neck and across her chest, not stopping until just above her navel. He allowed his attention to focus solely on her. Nothing else mattered. The world could combust and it wouldn’t make a difference as long as he and Ginny were still together.

“Harry?” Her voice was delightfully husky.  

“Hmm?” He didn’t stop his ministrations at her abdomen.

“We can’t keep avoiding our parents.”

And that was one way to calm his randiness; mention their parents. Harry rolled off her and fell back against the messy sheets. “They haven’t asked any questions yet.”

Ginny turned to face him, lifting her head up on her elbow. “That’s because we keep claiming we have practice or the flu, but I know my mother. If we dodge another family dinner she’ll just show up at the house.”

Harry brought his hands up to scrub his face. Even after two months, the cool metal that rested on his left hand still both startled and thrilled him. They had been married for two months. Two amazing months, filled with quidditch and honoring their nuptials, though they both took off their rings when they went out in public, hoping to keep a low profile. If either of them was spotted with gold on their fourth fingers, it would be on the front page of every newspaper you could think of (and some you wouldn’t expect).

But even being unable to wear their rings out on the town hadn’t brought them down from their high. No, the only regretful thing that had been nagging at them over the past sixty days was the lack of family time they’d had. Neither of them wanted to tell their parents they had gone out and gotten married without including their families. So instead of going to the Weasley family dinners or luncheons that Harry’s mother (and Sirius, whenever he felt posh) hosted, the couple had begged off, claiming hectic schedules or bouts of illness.

No one had argued with them (both families knew how crazy quidditch and life could be), but the end of the season was almost upon them. The Harpies had their final game next week, having been unable to clinch a season win without the help of their new star chaser for most of their games. Puddlemere, however, was in the lead for the title. Their final regular season game was next week, against Holyhead.

Ginny bopped her husband on the nose. “Earth to Harry. Focus, luv. We have to tell them before some reporter snoops around and finds our certificate.”

Harry knew she was right, but fuck, he didn’t want to upset their families… He didn't want to imagine his mother’s face, let alone Molly’s! He took a deep breath and turned so he faced her. “How about we invite everyone out to dinner the night of the game?”

She considered it for a moment. “That could work. And if we’re in public our mothers can’t scream too loudly.”

“That was my thought as well.” He leaned over and kissed her. “Because I came up with the plan, though, I think you should be the one to tell them.”

Ginny let out a snort. “In your dreams, Potter.”

“You are in all my dreams, Potter.”

Harry was rather proud of that line, but Ginny’s jaw just dropped. “Oh… I sometimes forget my last name is Potter,” she admitted.

“I don’t.” Harry gave her a wicked grin and turned them until he reclaimed his position above her. His mouth grazed her ear. “I love calling you Mrs Potter.”

A sudden thought hit him as he made his way from her ear to her cheek. “Next season, we can make it so your jersey says Potter on it.” Harry couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. “I can’t wait to see you with my name on your back.”

“I didn’t know you were so possessive, Mr Potter.” Ginny’s tone held bite, but Harry looked into her eyes and saw no anger. Actually, if he was reading her right (and Harry was sure he was), Ginny was more than a little turned on.

“Possessive makes me sound so egotistical. The others can look, but I reserve all rights to touch.”

Ginny leaned back and let one eyebrow raise. “Who gave you that kind of power?”

Instead of giving her a verbal reply, Harry closed the distance and kissed her, letting his teeth pull at her bottom lip when he drew away. “Feel free to tell me no whenever you want.”

The way Ginny drew him back to her was all the response he needed.  

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“What a presentation we’ve had today!” Mothers said for the third time since the final whistle had blown. The game had seemed so one-sided from the moment the two teams had mounted their brooms. “Weasley was in perfect form. Twelve goals and seven assists. Incredible!”

“Too true, Phil,” Gregory agreed. “The Harpies came out looking for blood.”

“And there was a bit of that. Morgan’s health report has just come in and the healers are saying he’ll make a full recovery before the first game of the playoffs.” Mothers let out a little chuckle. “I can count the number of times a keeper has knocked a beater out of the game on one hand.”

Gregory laughed along with his fellow announcer. “We all knew Hansen had a strong arm, but now Morgan now knows better than most.”  

“One final recap before we change over to the Kenmare and Falmouth. Puddlemere has won their final match of the regular season by a mere ten points. The score being two hundred and seventy to two hundred and eighty.”

“Potter made a spectacular catch!” Gregory praised. “He was perfectly in tune with the chasers and their position. If he had caught it a minute sooner they would have lost. I don’t think we’ve had such a nail biter all year!”

“Not for the Harpies at least. With Weasley back, the vibe has changed.” Mothers tapped his fingers on the edge of his desk. “Weasley has become such a staple in their lineup. Leading her team with -” He paused as a mane of red hair walked out of the Harpies tunnel. “Hold on now. Speak of the devil. Weasley has come back onto the field and -- yes! -- that's Potter exiting the Puddlemere pit.”

The two announcers watched the couple meet to the by the Puddlemere tunnel. “Every time these two play against each other, we get a lovely scene,” Gregory told the listeners.

“Our local hopeless romantic, folks.” Mothers chuckled fondly. “Wait… Hey, Dan, did you see that? The gold in Potter’s hand. Do you think he kept the snitch?” The average listener was able to hear Mothers shuffle things around. “My trusty pair of omnioculars.”

Mothers zoomed into the display before him, Potter and Weasley embracing. “It seems to be… No way!” He shoved the omnioculars into his partner’s hands. “Is that a ring?”

“Now who’s the hopeless romantic.” Gregory’s laughed, but accepted the proffered item. Five seconds passed before Gregory turned to look at Mothers. “That’s a ring. And Weasley has one too. Are we looking at the Potters?”  

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Molly Weasley considered herself a fair woman. She liked to think the punishments she’d given her children over the years had been just and appropriate.  And she’d never judged someone for something they couldn’t prevent.

But if that was true, why had her daughter (her only daughter!) gotten married without her? And then, why had her child let her find out about her nuptials through two quidditch announcers? What had she done to deserve such treatment?

Molly stared at the two guilty young adults. “Care to explain?”

“Mum,” Ginny started, but seemed unable to elaborate. She looked towards her husband. Husband! Molly’s daughter took a deep breath before starting again. “Mum. It was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.”

As much as Ginny had hoped that would placate her mother, those words had only rekindled her fire. With a voice both quiet and filled with rage, Molly began speaking. “Even if that was the case, why didn’t you come and tell me after? Why is that you’ve waited… how long was it?”

“Two months,” Harry muttered, not meeting her eyes.

She gave a sharp nod. “Two months. Two months my baby has been married. Not even Fred and George have done something so-” Molly couldn’t even think of a word.

It was Harry who chipped at her wall of anger. “I’m sorry, Molly. We should have told you.”

“Damn right you should have.” Molly pointed between the two. “I want to know everything, and don’t think for a second this means we won’t be having a wedding.”

Ginny exchanged a quick glance with Harry, as a smile slowly spread across her face. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Mum.”

“Good.” Molly stood to go make a quick stew for dinner. “Now, Harry, go get your parents over here. We have some things to discuss.”

Once Molly walked out of the room, Ginny released a tense sigh. “That went better than I thought. But I’ve got to say, that quiet tone is much scarier than her yelling.”

Harry nodded fervently. “I thought she was going to skin us alive.” He looked down at his hand. “How could we forget to take off our rings before the game?”

Ginny shrugged. “We were kinda too busy with our… pre-match ritual... to think about jewelry.” She gave him a light push so he stood from the sofa they’d been sent to the moment they’d arrived.  “You best go fire-call the Potter brigade.”

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“Such a lovely day for a wedding,” Arthur commented as he and Ginny stood by the back door of the Burrow. It had taken only a week for Molly and Lily to be satisfied with the wedding plans. The real challenge had been finding a date that worked for both families. That had taken a few months, but they’d finally found a day where everyone in the whole Weasley-Potter clan could be in attendance. In that time, Harry’s team had been able to clinch the championship title and Charlie’d filed all the paperwork to travel from Romania. And if you believed in serendipity (which honestly Ginny might because of this moment), they were having their wedding party on the day she had Harry had met just a few years ago.

Now after months of listening to her mother excitedly chatter about all the perfect placements and ideal seating charts, it had finally come to life -- and Ginny couldn’t help but feel a little more than grateful for the obsessive discussions between Lily and Molly. They really had created her dream wedding. Simple, yet elegant.

“You know,” Arthur mused, brushing a stray hair from Ginny’s face. “I always imagined this day differently.”

Ginny turned to her father. His face had a look that she only could describe as bittersweet. “What do you mean?”

“Well for starters, I didn’t think you’d already be married to the man I’d be giving you to.”

They both chuckled at his joke. Over the course of the last few months, the fact that Ginny and Harry (now called Hinny by the numerous articles penned about them) were already married had become a running gag between the two families. The only people who didn’t participate in the jokes were Molly and Lily, both of whom were still a little peeved at their children.

“What else?”

Arthur smiled at her. It was the same smile that he’d had when she had run up to him as a little girl, a frog clutched in her tiny fingers. She had been so happy with herself on that occasion and all she had wanted to do was show her findings to her dad.

“I’m so proud of you, Ginny.” He pulled her into a tight embrace and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You’ve grown into a remarkable young woman and I know you and Harry will continue to make each other happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, happiness.”

Ginny had promised herself one thing: That she wouldn’t be one of those brides who cried during her wedding. She was already married to the man for starters, also she hated tears. But Merlin, her father had gone and fucked up that plan.

“Don’t cry now.” Arthur held her at arm's length and moved his thumbs to brush at the slowly falling tears.

“I love you, Dad.” She moved closer to kiss his forehead. Taking a final deep breath, she forced herself to stop being sentimental (at least for a bit), and backed away just in time to see Bill approach them.

“Hey, you ready?” Bill smiled at her; he’d had inherited that smile from their father.

Ginny tucked her arm into Arthur’s, using her free hand to check for any stray tears. “More than ever.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“And we now would like to present, the not exactly newlyweds, but our couple of honor... Mr and Mrs Potter!” Lee Jordan, the twins’ friend from school, called out from his DJ perch.

The crowd laughed and clapped as Ginny took Harry by the hand and led him to the dance floor. Harry gave her a small grimace but took charge once she situated herself in his arms.

“I wish I didn’t have two left feet,” Harry complained as he swayed them to the gentle beat of their first song.

“Well, my two right feet make up for it.” Ginny leaned up and gave him a quick kiss, much to the delight of the people watching. It wasn’t a large group of people really. Just both their teams, their families and school friends (some of Harry’s had come all the way from America).

"Ah, the true linchpin of our marriage. Together, we make one passable dancer."

Ginny laughed and rested her head over Harry’s heart. Somehow the beat of the song matched the rhythm of his heart. Thud - thud - thud. She let the words wash over her as she used Harry as the bass drum.

When you say You love the way I make you feel Everything becomes so real Don't be scared, no, don't be scared 'Cause you're all I need

“This isn’t so bad, I guess.” Harry’s head had been resting atop her head and she  felt more than heard him speak.

“I would hope getting to hold your wife would be at least acceptable,” Ginny teased as she tilted her neck to look at him.

He was smiling in that way he reserved for only her. “Trust me, I always appreciate getting to hold my wife. I just appreciate what happens when I hold you in private a little more than dancing like a ponce in front of everyone.”

“Now, Mr Potter, don’t start talking about such naughty things when my mother is a mere fifteen yards away.”

That caused his smile to become a coquettish smirk. “Your mother being nearby has never stopped us before.”  

Ginny had to hold in her chuckle. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Harry.”

“Trust me, I have every intention of both of us finishing. You may even be able to take a second lap.”

This time she couldn’t contain herself. Ginny laughed and kissed her husband. “I love you.”

Harry’s hand came up and caressed her cheek, his eyes never wavering from hers. “Ditto.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Does this mean you’re taking a second honeymoon?” Max (one of Harry’s old school mates) asked, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively. After a few bouts of dancing, the married couple decided to sit down and rest their much abused feet. They had already made rounds to thank guests and they’d eaten the perfectly-cooked meal Lily had selected. Now, they were sitting at the head table, joined by a bunch of friends.

“We never really had one the first time around,” Harry admitted as he took another bite from the most delicious cake he’d ever had. His mother really had outdone herself with the catering selection.

“Where are you guys going?” Neville, Ginny’s friend, questioned.

“I picked the island of Tenerife in Spain.” Ginny leaned closer to Harry and opened her mouth for a forkful. Harry rolled his eyes fondly before cutting her a large bite and presenting it. She patted his cheek in thanks and blissfully chewed her dessert.

“Oh, I’ve had reports of high numbers of Crumple-Horned Snorkack mating on the Canary Islands around this time of year.” Luna Lovegood watched them with a dreamy look that slightly alarmed Harry. No matter how many times he had talked with Luna, Harry was still surprised by the woman’s words and actions. “Are you going to join them?” Luna added serenely.

And somehow she’s topped herself, Harry thought. He exchanged looks with Max and Duncan. They both were biting their fists to hold in their laughter.

Ginny, however, took it in stride. “Maybe they’re gonna join us.”

Harry turned to his wife, unable to even think of words; his old school mates gave up trying to hold in their chuckles.

Luna nodded understandingly. “Yes, you would want to be the dominant species. Good thinking, Ginny.”

Neville just shook his head, used to the way his two friends worked. Harry blinked rapidly for a few moments before pulling his laughing wife to her feet and leading her to the dance floor.  

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“¿Quieres otra copa?” the waiter asked as Ginny sipped the last of her tinto de verano.

“Sí, por favor.” She handed him her empty cup and he walked away. Ginny took the opportunity to lean back in her sunbathing chair and look over at her nicely-tanned husband. His wide-brim hat was pulled over his face, shielding him from the Spanish sun.

Ginny reached across the almost nonexistent gap between them and started walking her fingers up his arm. She could feel the goose pimples rise as she made her way up to his shoulder. Moving her mouth next to his ear she murmured, “Hola, guapo.”

It took a moment for Harry to respond, but when he finally spoke, Ginny could hear the smile in his voice. “Are you flirting with me, señora Potter?”

“Sí, eres muy caliente.”

At the speed of lightning, Harry took off his hat and kissed her. “Te amo, mi amor.”

[adorkablephil]

Fic: The Roles We Play (9/11)

Title: The Roles We Play Summary: Dan Howell and Phil Lester work together as voice actors for BBC radio dramas in the late 1930s, but slowly begin to develop “inappropriate” feelings for each other Rating: G Word Count: 5,266 (this chapter) Tags: Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Historical AU, 1930s, BBC, Radio, Actors AU, Slow Burn, Love Letters, Past Character Death, Grief, Angst Author’s Note: This fic was inspired by the @phanfichallenge 20k History Challenge. A bazillion thanks, as always, to my amazing beta, India! Those of you who were pleased to finally see a letter from Dan in the last chapter, you should enjoy this.

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[ All Chapters Masterlist ]

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Chapter 9: Dan

15 July 1939

Dan felt as if he might vibrate out of his skin, his nervousness was so great when he went to the BBC for their broadcast the next afternoon. This would be the first time he had seen Phil since receiving his letter. He had posted his own reply a mere hour ago, and so Phil would, of course, not have received it yet and surely must be in a state of extreme anxiety regarding how his words had been received. He had taken such a chance in writing to Dan, more of a chance than Dan thought he would have been able to take himself, and Dan could not help but feel grateful for Phil’s courage in the face of this difficult situation.

When he entered the room at the BBC, Phil was not yet there, so Dan took a seat and waited with a mounting mixture of excitement and nervousness. When, at last, Phil entered the room, his eyes immediately sought out Dan’s, and their gazes met like crashing waves, like cymbals ringing against each other, and it seemed absurd that no one else in the room was aware of that momentous second in time.

Phil’s eyes widened, as he no doubt knew from Dan’s expression that his letter had been received. He bit his lip and looked down at the floor, seeking his seat in what looked like a paroxysm of anxiety.

He did not meet Dan’s eyes again until the tones that indicated the start of the broadcast, and then he hesitantly looked up through his lashes and their gazes held. Phil looked so hopeful and vulnerable. Dan gave him a small smile, and it seemed to reassure him, as Dan saw Phil heave a sigh as his shoulders dropped from where they’d been hovering around his ears.

Throughout the entire broadcast, Phil glanced repeatedly to meet Dan’s eyes again and again, his own confidence seeming to grow with each encouraging smile.

When the broadcast was over, Dan asked casually, “Care to stop by the pub?” and Phil actually blushed.

Neither of them made any reference to the letter or its contents, but they chatted over drinks at the pub with a new tension between them.

******

18 July 1939

While practicing the piano in his flat, Dan was surprised to hear a knock at his front door. When he opened the door, he found Phil waiting with hands hooked awkwardly into his trouser pockets. He still looked as debonair as ever, with his shining hair and noble features, his slightly ill-fitting expensive suit, but he also seemed adorably shy. He’d never shown up at Dan’s door unannounced like this before.

He must have received Dan’s response to his letter. He must know now that Dan returned his feelings, that Dan felt the same depth of emotion and wanted the same romantic connection.

But neither of them could say anything to that effect. It was unlikely that anyone would report them to the police for an offhand comment, or that they would be officially investigated even if that did happen, but the slightest scandal could destroy both their careers, and so they would need to exercise the utmost caution.

“The weather is quite fine today,” Phil said, color high on his cheekbones. “I wondered if you might like to take a walk through the park.”

Dan grinned with a rush of giddy delight. “Let me grab my coat.”

And so they walked along the paths of Hyde Park, commenting on this and that, everything and nothing. Just two young gentlemen out for a stroll. Nothing scandalous or unusual about that at all. But they both knew that the world of thoughts and feelings between them that could not be spoken were clear with every hesitant glance and nervous smile.

******

21 July 1939

Phil suggested that they attend the London Symphony Orchestra, and Dan felt flattered. He knew Phil did not appreciate music as much as he himself did, and so it was clearly an attempt to please Dan. The fact that Phil even thought to do so meant a great deal to him, as it showed his thoughtfulness, how much he cared.

They dressed in their best finery, and Phil looked quite stunningly handsome. His tailor had cut his tuxedo much better than his suits for daily wear, or perhaps it had been a different tailor entirely, for this garment made him look like one of the most elegant Hollywood film stars. Dan stood gaping at him when Phil arrived on his doorstep until Phil cleared his throat uncomfortably and asked, “Do I not look all right?”

“You look,” Dan stopped to search for words, but could find none that were sufficient. “You look like a star, freshly fallen from the sky,” he finally said, then cringed at his own words. But the sudden bashful smile on Phil’s face made his own embarrassment worth it.

When they arrived at the concert hall and received their programs, Dan perused the selection of pieces that the orchestra would be playing that evening. He and Phil found their seats, and Phil leaned close to Dan’s shoulder to point at an item in the program. The scent of his skin and the warmth of his body made Dan’s breath catch, and he almost did not hear what Phil was saying. But he realized that Phil was pointing at the line that said, “Ludwig van Beethoven, Bagatelle No. 25 in A minor.”

“I believe this is the piece you mentioned before, is it not? The one they call ‘Für Elise’?” Phil asked, sounding uncertain but hopeful. “This was the piece that made you want to learn piano, right? I thought you might like to hear it performed.”

Dan turned to look at Phil, moved that Phil had remembered such a small detail, and found their faces very close together. Phil was still pressed close to Dan’s side where he had leaned to point out the item in the program, and they both froze. After what felt like several minutes but must have been mere seconds, Phil pulled back so that he was sitting upright and looked around them, but no one seemed to have noticed anything untoward.

Dan looked down at the program in his hand, at the listing of Beethoven’s composition that meant so much to Dan personally. He thought again of Phil’s birthday gift of piano lessons that had been bringing Dan such fulfillment after so many years of hopeless longing.

So many years of hopeless longing.

He looked at Phil.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

Phil smiled. “I thought you would like it.”

Dan let everything he felt show in his eyes as he replied, “I love it.”

******

23 July 1939

Dan sat down to write another letter to Phil. It was nearly painful to see him nearly every day and yet be unable to speak of these intense emotions between them. And yet, at the same time, he did not know if he would even know what to do or say if they were to address the issue directly. And so he put his thoughts onto the page once more.

-

23 July 1939

Dearest Philip,

I live for your letters, and every moment I spend in your presence I wish to speak my feelings aloud but know I mustn’t. No one would understand the beauty of what we experience together.

For most of my life, I have known that I was different, that I was somehow defective, and that is why I did not marry. I tried to hide my deficiency from the world, for I did not want anyone to know that something was so very wrong with me.

But that night when you held my hand in yours on the grass beneath the stars, I knew in my very soul that this was in no way wrong. Nothing in my entire life has felt so right as the perfection of that moment. When I received your first letter and realized that you shared my feelings, my heart took flight as if seeking yours through the aether, and I think it has not returned to my body yet as it wishes only to reside with you.

Yours with great joy and the utmost happiness, Daniel

-

After sealing and addressing the envelope, Dan sat contemplatively holding it in his lap for a long moment.

He knew he could not marry Dora. He could never truly love her, and his feelings for Phil had only proven that more thoroughly than he had already known it before. And yet … his family expected certain things from him. A family. Children. A certain role in society. He had been raised to obey his parents and avoid embarrassing them in any way.

He looked at the letter in his hands and knew that what he perceived as joy, they would perceive as shame.

He knew he must end his engagement—it was a farce when he felt these feelings for Phil—but he felt pressure from not only his family but also the entire society around them. The old, familiar questions arose for him: How could he live an authentic life in an absurd world full of ridiculous rules? Why couldn’t society around them simply allow him and Phil to be together without these illogical laws and unnecessary expectations?

He wished he had not yet sealed the letter, for he had felt such joy upon finishing it, such bliss when signing his name, that he wished he could reread it to find that joy again. In that moment, as he held the envelope in his hand, he felt the world pressing around him on all sides so acutely that it seemed to crush the brilliant diamond of his elation, destroying it, until it simply slipped through his desperate fingers like so much sand.

******

8 August 1939 – 15 August 1939

-

8 August 1939

My dearest,

You write that you are falling, that I must catch you in my arms. I fear to tell you that I, too, fall further and deeper with every passing day. Perhaps, in falling together, we may find some safe landing that cradles us both in safety and love.

While we may both be falling, in using that word, love, I alone take a voluntary, terrifying leap into that fall. In the salutations of your letters, you have called me your beloved, but you have not used that word in the body of what you write.

I will hold back the words no longer, as I have felt them in my soul for many months now, long before our precious hours beneath the sheltering willow trees. I love you. This love is not new to me, for I have held it close and private through many hours at the club, many radio rehearsals and broadcasts, many conversations you may have considered only friendly.

This admission frightens me, for I fear that these feelings between us may be new to you and so you may pity me the longevity of my silent devotion.

I end this letter in some anxiety about your response, but, as always, yours, Daniel

-

11 August 1939

My most beloved Daniel,

I do love you. I love you most ardently, and these feelings are not new. I, too, have gazed at you with longing in my heart and wished that I might hold you close, but I did not believe you would welcome such attentions, and so I hid my emotions as best I could.

I hide them no longer. I do love you. I love you with every beat of my heart, every breath of my lungs.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Never doubt it.

Most devotedly yours, Philip

-

15 August 1939

My Dearest Philip,

Your most recent letter is the dearest possession I shall ever have in my life, and I shall cherish it always, forever keeping it close to me for the rest of my days.

You love me as I love you, and this thought is a revelation, a blessing, a miracle for which I shall never cease to be grateful. The universe has bestowed upon me the most beautiful of wonders in granting me your love, and I hope that the poor heart I offer you in return may in some way repay the grace you have granted me.

Ardently, Your loving Daniel

******

28 August 1939

While they played chess at Phil’s club, Dan’s fingers accidentally brushed Phil’s as they both reached for popcorn. They both looked up from the board, and their eyes met and held. Every word they had written but not spoken hovered between them like an intoxicating mist of emotion.

Phil bit his lip and looked back down at the board, pulling his hand away without having taken any popcorn at all, as if he had forgotten what he had been in the midst of doing. Dan worried for a moment that Phil might be regretting their time together, the letters he’d written, the promises he’d made—Dan’s mind raced with horrible scenarios.

And then Phil looked up at him from beneath his lashes and smiled shyly, and Dan’s heart calmed. They were true to each other. They may not have said the words aloud, but they were nonetheless true.

Dan smiled at Phil in return, and they turned back to their game as if nothing of import had transpired. And, in the eyes of all those around them, nothing had.

******

2 September 1939 – 6 September 1939

-

2 September 1939

Most Beloved Daniel,

If I may be so bold as to ask, when did you first become aware of your affection for me? I must admit that I am curious. For my own part, I know that I had admired you from our first meeting but only became aware of the extent of my attachment when you informed me of your engagement. I must admit that in that moment I was struck through the heart and knew not what to say. I had not realized how deeply I had come to care for you before I heard those words from your lips.

I apologize for leaving so abruptly the next day, and with no word to you, but I felt a desperate need for the comfort of my loving family beside me when I felt such distress. I hope you will not feel guilt that I reacted thus, for I am certain you had no idea that your words or their import would so deeply affect me, but I had great need of the affection and warmth of my mother, especially, in those difficult days. As you know, she is a deeply loving person, and I felt a terrible longing for such comfort at that time, as I was then convinced that you could never love me as I then realized that I loved you. I felt hopeless, lost, a boat without a mooring, adrift in a love that had no end in sight and no possibility of reciprocity.

The fact that you now profess such emotions for me is a gift I could never have predicted, expected, or even hoped for. I am grateful every day, every moment, for the love you have offered me.

Devotedly yours, Philip

-

Dan himself felt struck through the heart by Phil’s words. The letter offered no blame regarding Dan’s engagement to Dora, no requests or expectations, but Dan knew that this continuing commitment must still cause Phil pain, and that knowledge itself caused Dan pain in turn.

Surely this situation could not continue, and yet Dan could not bring himself to disappoint and shame his family by ending the longstanding engagement. Such an action would not only disappoint Dora but put her into an awkward social position, and their two families would surely cease all friendly interaction. In such a small village, this strife would cause everyone involved a great deal of discomfort and difficulty.

Dan could not find the strength to cause so much disruption and unhappiness to so many people he had known his entire life. And yet the dishonesty he had hidden for so long had now grown even more acute.

This internal conflict could not continue indefinitely, but Dan had no idea how he could resolve it without causing pain to someone he cared about. Perhaps there was, in fact, no way to do so. He dropped his head into his hands and despaired.

But Phil had asked him a question, and Dan owed him an answer. He took up his pen.

-

6 September 1939

My dearest,

You ask when I first became aware of the depth of my feelings for you, when I first realized that the flutterings in my heart bespoke love and not merely friendly affection, and I think you will be surprised by my answer.

Looking back with honest eyes, I can see that my regard for you began turning toward love during our very first meeting. When you whispered to me that you would prefer to play Puck in our production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, I began to fall. In that moment, knowing so little of you except the kindness and humor in your eyes—the boyish, playful longings we both shared—I fell. I did not see it immediately—I knew only that I valued your company above all others, that I longed for your admiration and attention—but I can now see that those feelings were the earliest stirrings of this enduring devotion.

Will you think me frivolous, that I developed such an attachment so quickly? I can assure you that it had never happened before. It was you. Simply you. I saw you, spoke with you, and my heart knew it had found its match, its one and only true partner among all others in the world.

No other exists for me but you.

With ardent affection, Daniel

-

Dan put the pen down on the desk and reread the letter before addressing the envelope. “No other exists for me but you,” he had written, and yet he continued to promise himself to another. As he addressed the envelope, writing that most beloved name, he felt disgust at his own hypocrisy.

******

20 September 1939

They walked out of the cinema together after watching “The Man They Could Not Hang,” which was the scariest of the films they’d seen together thus far.

“I rather wish I could take your arm and huddle up against you to keep away the monsters,” Dan joked, then noticed guiltily when Phil glanced around them. Was he nervous that someone may have heard what Dan had said? “I’m just teasing,” Dan said more loudly, trying to set things right. Phil looked at him in confusion.

This was going all wrong. He needed to just behave naturally. The problem was that his natural inclinations now, after all they had to written to each other, were to curl up against Phil like a kitten, and that just wouldn’t do. Not in private, and certainly not on the pavement in front of the cinema.

They never spoke of those written words, those truths too private to risk exposure to the world. Their eyes might betray their feelings if anyone had known to look, but they hid their secrets well.

“Shall I walk you home?” Phil suggested. “I can catch a taxi from there.” Dan nodded, and they began walking side by side in the direction of Dan’s flat. Their steps were slow, neither of them wanting to rush toward the moment when they must part. Occasionally, they cast glances at each other, smiling when their eyes met. Dan chuckled and ducked his head shyly the third or fourth time it happened. They were like lovers in a film or book, unable to keep their eyes off each other … like nothing Dan had ever experienced in the real world before this.

“Should I not look at you?” Phil asked, and Dan couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not.

Dan glanced around to see no one else nearby before saying quietly, “I like when you look at me.” He could feel his cheeks heat with his blush, but was glad that the lamplight would not be bright enough to make his embarrassment obvious.

Though if there was anyone he was comfortable being that vulnerable with, it was Phil.

He jumped slightly when he felt Phil’s hand brush his lightly, as if by chance. He looked at Phil, who smiled at him and said simply, “Me, too.”

They walked in near silence until a light rain began to fall when they were not far from Dan’s flat. “Blast!” Phil exclaimed when the rain began to fall more heavily. “I don’t have an umbrella. I’ll have the devil’s time finding a taxi on the street in this rain!”

They both broke into a trot. “Come in and phone a taxi from my flat,” Dan suggested as they jogged, his hair flattening to his head as the rain ruined his carefully styled slick hairstyle. At least in this kind of rain, his hair would be too soggy to spring into its natural curls and utterly shame him.

When they arrived at the flat, Dan opened the door quickly and they both rushed inside, drenched to the skin. After their sprint, they were both breathing heavily. They turned to look at each other, both soaking wet, and broke into laughter. Dan pushed his hair out of his face and saw Phil do the same.

Phil removed his spectacles, complaining, “These things are useless in the rain, and then they promptly fog up when I enter a warm room!” He tucked them into his shirt pocket and then pushed his hair back again before letting his eyes rest on Dan and stay there.

Cold droplets of water were dripping from Dan’s hair onto his sensitive neck, and it made him shiver. He tried to keep his voice light as he joked, “Without your spectacles, I must look like only a blur right now.”

“A beautiful blur,” Phil replied with a smile. “And perhaps it only means I need to come closer.”

This stepped beyond their usual flirting into potentially dangerous territory, and so Dan said brightly, “Let’s get you that taxi,” a little embarrassed by how breathy his voice sounded. But Phil rested a hand on his arm again, just enough to keep Dan from turning away. He looked into Phil’s pale eyes, so striking without his spectacles, and found he couldn’t break the connection, extremely aware of the feel of Phil’s gentle touch and the harsh sound of their combined breathing in the silent entryway.

Suddenly, Dan felt a rush of bravery and asked hesitantly, “Would you like to … you could take your coat off and dry your hair. You could … stay a while. We could talk.”

Phil gazed at him mutely in surprise at this unexpected invitation, then smiled tentatively and nodded.

Dan showed him in and took his coat, which was soaking wet from the rain. He hung it on a peg near the front door, along with Phil’s scarf and his own coat. Then he and Phil stood awkwardly near the entryway, neither knowing what to say. They had previously avoided such potentially scandalous privacy, but at this moment, Dan simply could not force himself to ask Phil to leave.

Eyeing Phil’s wet clothing, Dan said, “We seem to wear a similar size. Would you like to borrow some dry clothes? You might be more comfortable. If you don’t find it overly forward, that is.” Suddenly overcome with embarrassment, Dan waved his hands and looked down at the floor, feeling humiliated that he had suggested something so inappropriate. “In fact, never mind. I’ve obviously overstepped.”

But then he felt Phil’s finger lifting his chin so that their eyes met again. “Some dry clothes would be lovely. I thank you very much for the kindness of the offer.” He seemed a bit stiff, perhaps nervous, but smiled.

Dan hunched his shoulders slightly in embarrassment for overreacting and nodded, probably more than was strictly necessary. Then he fled to his bedroom to fetch some dry clothes for Phil. He chose some wool trousers and a warm, fleecy jumper, wanting Phil to feel comfortable in his home. They could build a fire, as well.

When he returned to the lounge, he found Phil standing awkwardly in the center of the room. “I didn’t want to sit,” Phil explained. “I didn’t want to get your furniture wet.”

“Oh!” Dan exclaimed, embarrassed again. “Of course! Let me … I’ll get you a towel … and here are some dry clothes.” He held the clothes out to Phil, who took them and held them carefully away from his drenched body. Dan fetched a towel and showed Phil where to find the toilet so that he could dry off and change into the borrowed clothing.

Phil emerged a few moments later looking much less posh than usual, and Dan was surprisingly moved by the sight of Phil in the more casual garments, primarily because Dan had worn those familiar clothes so many times himself. It somehow felt extremely intimate—this sharing—even if it was only a few pieces of cloth against skin. Phil gestured to himself and said, smiling, “You were right. Your clothes fit me quite well.”

“Let me start a fire in the grate,” Dan suggested, but Phil stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Leave the fire to me,” Phil insisted. “You should go change into some dry clothes yourself. You look half frozen.”

“Oh,” Dan said, looking down at himself. He’d forgotten that he, too, was soaking wet, so focused was he on Phil’s comfort. “Of course. I’ll go change. Back in a moment.” And he fled the room where Phil looked so tempting with his tousled hair and borrowed jumper.

There was no way to salvage his hair, simply no way at all, and so Dan simply toweled it until it was no longer dripping and decided that he would have to allow Phil to see his hair in its wavy natural state, as the Brylcreem could no longer hold it in place properly after being so thoroughly exposed to the pouring rain. He changed into some comfortable clothes, including a black jumper that was quite soft and, he hoped, looked quite handsome on him, even though he was embarrassed by his desire to look attractive for Phil.

But why should he be embarrassed? They had expressed their mutual feelings. He knew that Phil shared his attraction, his love. Taking a deep breath to fortify himself, he returned to the lounge, where Phil was crouched in front of the grate, stoking the fire. Phil turned to look at him, and his eyes roamed from Dan’s stocking feet to his damp, wavy hair, and then back down again. Dan shivered under that heated gaze.

“I think the fire will warm the room quickly,” Phil said, returning to standing. As they stood there again, facing each other uncomfortably, Dan frantically wracked his brain for some way to make this all less awkward.

“Shall we sit?” Dan suggested. “Or I could … I could play the piano for you. You could hear the results of your birthday present. I mean, I haven’t improved tremendously, but … never mind.” He could feel his face heat. “Oh, I’m a disaster,” he moaned, laughing at himself, safe in the knowledge that Phil would not judge him.

Phil stepped closer and slowly wrapped his arms around Dan, a far gentler embrace than the masculine hugs they had occasionally exchanged over the course of their friendship. Dan leaned into Phil’s body and wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist, leaning his head down to rest on Phil’s shoulder. “I would love to hear you play,” Phil said quietly. “But I would much more, at least for tonight, prefer to sit with you in my arms, if that would not make you uncomfortable.”

Dan lifted his head to look into Phil’s face, once again bespectacled, and replied softly, “I would like that very much.”

And so they settled onto the sofa, cuddled together, and listened to each other’s quiet breathing and heartbeats for a long time.

******

26 September 1939

The morning after his evening in Phil’s arms, Dan woke with a feeling of peace that he had not felt in a long time, perhaps ever. He knew that they had not broken the letter of the law that forbade a man loving another man, and yet they had violated the spirit of that law.

But he felt that he could not believe in a law that prohibited something of such beauty and joy.

And so, one morning a few days later, he sat down at his desk and composed another letter to Phil. Like the letter in which he had first declared his love, this one took a great chance, for he did not know if Phil would likewise be willing to hazard this risk, but for his own happiness—and Phil’s own, he hoped—he considered the emotional jeopardy worth the potential gain.

-

26 September 1939

My dearest Philip,

I have given this a great deal of thought, and so I do not wish you to think that I take this matter lightly. I know that it would involve some amount of risk to both our reputations, and I respect the fact that you may not consider that danger worthwhile, but allow me to suggest that perhaps there is no reason that two young men—friends and colleagues—might spend time alone together upon occasion in each other’s homes. None would, I think, see anything amiss in such behavior.

I do not, of course, propose any activities illegal or immoral, but I found our recent evening together at my house to be so delightful in its privacy that I have decided to take the chance of suggesting that other such evenings might be possible.

If I have given offense, I apologize, for I do not wish you to believe me harboring inappropriate intentions. I simply believe that an evening as lovely as that which we shared cannot be in any way wrong. I hope that you will not blame me for feeling so.

In some anxiety, Daniel

-

Dan sealed the letter, not giving himself any time to doubt himself or possibly change his mind. He addressed the envelope quickly and immediately walked to the postbox on the corner, where he deposited the letter with a shaking hand.

There. It was done. Either their relationship would change, allowing for more privacy and intimacy, or Phil would chastise him for daring to suggest that he might be willing to behave in such a scandalous fashion, simply because it had happened once by chance.

He returned home, knowing that in the evening he would see Phil, all innocent of the behavior Dan had so boldly proposed. Dan looked at his trembling hands and wondered if Phil would be able to read his nervousness without even needing to read the letter itself.

In a few days, the letter would arrive, and then Dan would see Phil again, and he would know.

******

[ Continue to Chapter 10 ]

[josiahtrelawnyy]

So, who really is Arthur’s cut second love interest? Let’s chat.

 So, I don’t think anyone will ever see this post since I’m new to the fandom and don’t have a following on Tumblr, but I’m so curious so I decided to write up a masterpost on who the second love interest is. I think we should be able to gauge a proper candidate which checks marks all the boxes to this mystery ... Though it probably won’t be uncovered unless Rockstar officially reveals who, and or, files are found indicating who, but I doubt Rockstar will ever reveal it.

Since this is a masterpost this is SUPER LONG, HUGE warning:

[CANDIDATES]

* Abigail - Abigail is excluded out of this narrative as she’s married to John and only loves John. The bit Arthur jots down about her in his journal tends to be misinterpreted by many, Arthur doesn’t want Abigail like that. ❌

* Mary Linton - Mary Linton is excluded from this narrative. She is 1 out of 2 love interests for Arthur. She isn’t apart of the cut content.  ❌

* Eliza - A waitress from Arthur’s past who he had one night stand with which ended up with his son Issac being born. Arthur would visit Issac and Eliza every several months and help them financially but agreed to be apart of their lives with Eliza being aware that him being apart of their lives is a danger though she didn’t mind.  

* Mary-Beth - an optimistic 21-year old who has never married and or from what we know been in a relationship before. She’s a hopeless romantic daydreaming about love and a prince to sweep her off her feet.

* Sadie - A married woman who’s been a widow for a short time span of 6 months who lives in the gang because she has no one else. Formerly married to Jake Adler for 3-years before his murder. 8 years have flown by in the epilogue and Sadie indicates she is ready to move on, though it could be taken as a joke. Either way, her husband is never once mentioned in the EP.

* Charlotte - A married woman who’s given up on life out of desperation because she has no idea about nature and how to survive on her own after her husband’s passing. She is a city girl with no skills. She’s been a widow for only a day when Arthur meets her.

Now we have Dan Houser’s quote to help us dissect who this second love interest was; “At one point, protagonist Arthur Morgan had two love interests, but “we decided one of them didn’t work,” says Dan. And whole missions were removed because “they were never going to work technically or be quite slick enough, or they felt superfluous. We removed a mission on a train where you had to deal with bounty hunters, because it was fun at first, but then it wasn’t. This part of the process is always about compromise and horse trading. Everyone always loses bits of the game they love.”

There are words here that are keywords that need to be highlighted. Though, I don’t know if Dan is referring to that bit for whole missions or specifically the love interest but, “superfluous” ... “they were never going to work technically” ... “be quite slick enough.” ... “Didn’t work.”

If he is referring to whole missions and not the second love interest then those keywords can be ignored.

[Why I personally think it was Sadie (JUST my OWN opinion and theory.)]

* Arthur writes about Sadie in his journal more than once, I don’t think Arthur writes about anyone else that much besides Mary. So, I think Mary and Sadie have the most journal entries about them. (Though, someone needs to double check on this.) One particular page though is noteworthy where he states; “I ever get on her wrong side, I am a dead man! I don't intend to - she's a fine woman, amusing and good hearted and decent angry.” So from this entry, we can absolutely see Arthur is attracted to Sadie as he refers her as a ‘fine woman’ I don’t take that as courtesy, or in a friendship POV (but, hey, maybe I’m wrong, what do you think?) If this quote is truly out of attraction, then why would R* bother with that if their intention when they first wrote up Sadie was purely suppose to be platonic? Big questions to think about. The only person he calls a fine woman other than Sadie is Mary. He shows no attraction to any other camp girls as well, besides Sadie.

* After the O’Driscoll revenge trip, there is a massive difference on the wordplay dialogue, both have completely two different meanings and it purely depends on your honor. If you have low-honor, Sadie calls Arthur her best friend, if you have high-honor she says he’s the best man she’s ever known apart from her deceased husband, Jake. This one in my opinion is a big eyebrow raiser and makes me want to take a step for a bit, first of all, putting Arthur on the same wavelength on her husband is massive, considering Jake Adler wasn’t an outlaw, or a killer, he was a normal honorable man who did honest work, while Arthur is (we know he has a good heart, but his past makes him bad.) So, the fact that Sadie is making that statement is big. She doesn’t judge him, she doesn’t care. She’s comparing him to the person she loved like crazy. Since when does a best friend get compared to a person’s husband? Never.

Secondly, if Rockstar again intended and wrote Sadie only for platonic purposes, than why is the low-honor dialogue her calling him a best friend, if they were only meant to be purely platonic, than wouldn’t the high-honor statement be, “you’re my best friend” not, “you’re the best man, I’ve known?” There’s a lot to think about here. The low-honor bit is a complete “friend zone” while the high-honor seems to have an open window for a more romantic narrative type of route. Keep in mind, Sadie is only Arthur for like what, 6 months? While she’s known Jake for god knows how long, and she’s already putting giving him the best man she’s ever met title, seriously? Come on....

* Both Sadie and Arthur become instant best pals, they’re the closest to one another in the gang, Sadie only trusts Arthur, despite barely knowing him. She doesn’t even trust Abigail who has helped her through a lot. The question is, how do they become instantly so close out of the blue when there isn’t no relationship development if R* hadn’t cut anything?

* In the epilogue, Sadie will not ride with anyone these days after the passing of Arthur. She makes this clear to John and tells John directly that she doesn’t “do” friendships because she “isn’t good with people.” (Which isn’t true, by the way.) She has turned to isolation and completely closed off, as if the last bit of what kept her going was clearly Arthur but now that he’s gone, she’s become a lone wolf entirely and refuses to let anyone in her life. Her riding with Arthur seemed to be a personal thing, considering she won’t ride with John unless it’s business related though we use to see her riding with Arthur all the time, and her even volunteering to ride with Arthur even when Arthur never asked her to.

* If you follow Sadie into the Rhodes general store she tells the clerk, it’s “Mrs.” Not “Miss” and then she says she’s “Mrs. Kilgore.” Now obviously, the gang alias is “Kilgore” so all the gang members use it, though, I still don’t think this changes the fact that she outright calls Arthur, “Mr. Kilgore.” (”Don’t worry about me, Mr. Kilgore, go get your mail.”) Implying to the clerk that Arthur is her husband because she corrected the clerk earlier that she was “Mrs” a married woman.... I mean, come on, why would R* bother putting that if Sadie was never meant to be a love interest at one point, what is the point of that interaction, espeically if they were “supposedly” only platonic? No way.

* Sadie calls Arthur “honey” in Chapter 6. Now readers, you may be thinking, “that’s just typical female southern accent talk! They all call people honey.” Though, I don’t think this is out of “courtesy” or “typical southern talk” as Sadie never uses the word “honey” throughout any chapter so it’s definitely not apart of her attitude, or common courtesy.  Right before she calls him “honey” she moves her eyes to the left, implying that she’s lying to Arthur about being a better shooter. Why would she lie? .... The answer is, because she wanted to protect him. She even admits, and knows he’s capable of handling and grabbing Abigail himself, but she refuses to let anything happen to him, THEN, the line is followed up with her calling him, “honey” and then saying; “just do it my way, it’s for the best.” It’s for the best is referring for his sake. So that line to me absolutely screams it’s out of an intimacy perspective rather than platonic courtesy. 

What fuels this “honey” scene even more is the fact that she won’t even let Arthur row the boat, he can handle rowing a boat too and he even complains to her when she starts rowing. That’s all Sadie protecting him. I mean, if he was only written as her best friend, I’m pretty sure she’d let him row the boat.

* There is a recurring theme of; “You and me is all we need.” This line is said by Sadie more than once. One of the moments she says it is when his gang members of 20 years abandon him while Sadie is watching and he sadly says how many years he’s given the gang. It’s said, I think one or two more times (?) though, I find this interesting how she says this when his family dumps him and betrays him, yet she’s the person there for him. I don’t think this is a coincidence, I think this is done on purpose and still fuels a possible romantic narrative that was meant to happen.

* You have the option to help or not help Sadie. I believe this also happens with Mary. Though this happens with Charles as well, but the scene with Sadie is a lot similar to Mary’s while Charles just gives a quick: “I understand.” While Arthur will tell Sadie to leave the O’Driscolls because she’s “better than that” she will say, “Sadly, that ain’t true..” An emotional moment happens and they part. The same is with Mary, he’ll tell her she needs to find someone else to run her errands and she’ll say, “I miss you.” So, it seems to me, there was going to be a love triangle between Mary and Sadie from this type of setup judging by the decline/help interactions. One thing that’s also noteworthy is he tells Sadie, “revenge is a fool’s game.” Which is interesting because of the EP seems to come into play with this.

* Back to the; “revenge is a fool’s game.” Why does Sadie seek revenge and remind John of their revenge promise if she never had loved Arthur? The weird part is, Sadie’s mission was to get revenge for her husband that’s what she badly wanted. So, why would she want revenge for Arthur so bad? By the way, it was Sadie’s plan, and revenge with. John was focused on his family and went to the Yukon and Sadie had no clue he was going to come back while she heard talk of Micah. Charles was in Saint Denis (he took everything hard.) Though he wasn’t apart of the revenge promise, and or, focused on ever getting revenge. So, that is proof that John and Charles would’ve never got involved with killing Micah if Sadie never reminded them, because it was Sadie’s plan all along. “Revenge is a fool’s game.” Isn’t that funny? Her husband is also never once mentioned in the epilogue, her focus is Arthur’s revenge. By the way, Sadie and Micah NEVER Interaction ONCE out all 6 chapters, only the beginning of the game briefly when he accidentally burned her home down which she doesn’t blame Micah. They don’t have bad blood, nor is Micah rude to her. So why would she want revenge so bad on Micah when they didn't have bad blood between them?

* The big eye opener is Sadie’s official Rockstar bio. “A widow who is hell-bent on taking revenge upon those who killed her husband. Relentless and afraid of nothing and no one. The wrong woman to cross, but very loyal to those she loves.” I think the big keyword here is the word “loves” - Sadie is loyal to absolutely no one besides Arthur. Proof of this is Chapter 5-6 where she doesn’t follow Dutch but only will follow Arthur, this is also seen via the Rainfall’s mission if you choose to help RF. Again, the question is, why would R* write that bio out if she was only meant to be platonic? Who does Sadie love that she’s loyal to? ... Literally the answer is Arthur.

* Arthur’s emotional reaction is a complete outburst when anything happens to Sadie while with others, he’s completely fine. Take Tilly as an example, when Tilly gets kidnapped, Arthur is completely chill, and not really worried. It’s Grimshaw who goes mental. It’s the same with Jack, he is chill and say’s calmly, “we’ll get them back.” While with Sadie it’s a completely different emotional interaction from him. So, if she was purely to be platonic, wouldn’t his interaction be the chill response like he gives for the Tilly scenes?

* Hosea’s foreshadowing. In the beginning on the bear hunt, Hosea mentions Bessie. He says him and Bessie made it work because Bessie knew what he exactly was and because of it, she 100% accepted him as to why they worked. THOUGH, Hosea specifically says to Arthur there is NO escape to the outlaw life. Sadie instantly accepts Arthur for who he is and knowing what he is while nobody else will, e.g Mary Linton (again, possible love triangle.) She tells Arthur he’s as good as her husband, her husband was no killer, so that big wordplay there connects with Hosea’s foreshadowing. Sadie accepts him inside and out. That’s clearly done on purpose. Plus, this foreshadowing also relates to John. Him and Abigail worked because she accepts John for who he is, which is an outlaw, but they’ll forever be on the run like Hosea said because there isn’t an escape. This seems like a hint toward Mary Linton, showing Arthur and Mary would never be together, ever because it’s impossible. It’s just a dream. While it fits Sadie.

* When you give Sadie her harmonica, it’s completely different than what the other characters get. E.g when you give Dutch his pipe, Arthur says, says; “So, I found you a pipe.” Dutch just laughs and says; “Well will you look at that!” And then hands Arthur spurs. That was it. Same with Mary Beth, she gives Arthur a ring and just says thanks. While with Sadie it’s a long personal exchange and he says he looks forward to her hearing it Sadie responds by saying she only plays for her husband and is going to keep it that way and Arthur responds by saying fair enough, Sadie thanks him and says that was real kind of him. While Mary Beth just says; “Oh thank you, Arthur. Here take this, something I acquired along the way.” That’s it. Same with Tilly, it’s “Oh, it’s beautiful, thank you. Here please take this.” Kieran says; “Oh you actually.. Well thank you. This will make a good batch alright.” That’s it. So from here you can see Sadie and Arthur’s request action is not only longer, but it’s personal. While the rest of the camp members just say; “THANKS, TAKE THIS” I also noticed Sadie’s request wasn’t a request, she never asked for a harmonica, she said she use to play as the harmonica and she doesn’t want no petty while the camp members all directly want or, mention they want something. So, I think that’s interesting how Sadie’s is the only one that stands out and is unique/personal and the longest. So the idea of “platonic only” once again falls.

* Sadie is the only person who gets to slap Arthur. Literally Rockstar made time to animate Sadie and give her a slapping animation. Abigail will slap John once during a camp interaction when they’re fighting, Karen will slap Sean but she misses when she’s mad at him and he laughs. I find it interesting only Sadie can slap him and Grimshaw, but Grimshaw’s is a whole cut scene. Karen doesn’t let men walk over her, yet she won’t slap Arthur. Even Tilly says “Karen isn’t one to mess with.” So, it’s interesting how they only gave that animation to Sadie only.

*  Sadie is the only character from the gang OUT of 23 characters who is concerned about Arthur's health, asks him about it and was taking care of him. Won't let him row the boat, lied to him, honey scene. She was the only one scared of losing him. Charles and Mary-Beth and the other gang members literally accept his death, Sadie is the only one concerned. The question is why if she wasn't the intended second love interest?

*  Arthur writes about saying he'd be down with Black Belle if he was born in her era, so he does like the wild crazy type girls who handle themselves. Sadie is literally similar to Black Belle.

* In the optional Rainfall mission there is a cut scene after Arthur saves Eagle Flies and says he’ll be returning EF to his father and tells Dutch and everyone (with Sadie watching and the camera focusing on her not just Dutch) that Dutch left him to die. Afterwards, Charles says he’s coming and the camera dramatically cuts to Sadie and Sadie yells “AND SO WILL I” looking real sad. Though Arthur won’t look at her or let her come. As Charles and Arthur leaves Sadie says; “Be safe, Arthur” quietly. Again, back to the same question, if she was meant to be only platonic, why is Sadie so worried about his safety when Charles is with him? Plus what’s up with that specific camera moment? Hm... She also helps him with the military soldiers and her and Charles say they ride with him only, proving they chose Arthur, not the gang and loyal to him.

Why I don't think it's the other girls (MY own opinion):

* Mary Beth is 21. She’s smitten with Kieran which is revealed officially by Chapter 4. She was never a widow, therefore making it easily to pair her with Arthur. How would Mary Beth fall into R’s reasoning of “didn’t work” when there is no con’s to pairing him with Mary Beth besides their age gap? She isn’t a widow. Mary Beth also ditches the gang in Chapter 6 without saying goodbye to Arthur. You’d think if she loved him, she would’ve stuck around, but out of all 3 young camp girls, it’s Tilly who stays the longest. She also seems pretty moved on with her life in the EP, instead of having a guy she’s focused on her career, and seems not bothered by his death compared to John, Sadie and Charles. I think this is strong proof that Mary-Beth was never intended to be a LS. Plus, Mary Beth’s “dance” and “confessions” aren’t unique, you either dance with Karen or M.B it’s a random pick and you confess to all 3 girls. M.B, Karen and Tilly. It just randomly picked in your playthrough.

* I don’t think it’s Charlotte because Charlotte had just ended up as widow when Arthur meets her. She’s desperate and hopeless because she’s literally on the brink of death because she’s a city girl with no survival skills. Her kiss to Arthur was a cheek kiss which seemed to be out of grace, cherish, and thankfulness because Arthur literally saved her life. I don’t take the cheek kiss romantic at all. They have no dialogue between one another that ever hinted romance. Charlotte seems to be by far older than Arthur as well because by the EP her hair is almost entirely grey and she looks to be Hosea’s age.

Not to mention, this is contradictory to the PTSD narrative with Eliza. Arthur refuses to hookup with prostitutes and normal girls because of Eliza’s death because if he gets involved with them, it’s a danger to them. He even turns down Mary Linton because of this telling her he has a price on his head far too large and if he gets involved with Mary she’s doomed. It’s just pure contradiction.

Besides, Charlotte and Arthur only knew each other for 3 days. You can’t love someone in 3 days especially when her husband JUST died on day 1 out of 3. He can barely walk, and is coughing up blood, I’m not sure how anyone got a romantic angle out of that. If he was to survive, no way would he been able to live in Annesburg either, he needs somewhere hot and Charlotte refused to move out of AB for the sake of her husband’s dreams. I think Charlotte was purposely to fill his redemption arc just like Hamish. A complete side optional mission with a lovely reward (a cheek kiss and him feeling better for saving some, while he gets Buell a golden cremllo horse.) There’s the theme.

* Eliza I think is impossible. She was a waitress who had a one night stand with Arthur. There is absolutely no indication there was any real romance or love between the two other than the fact that he had a child out of a knock up mistake and is involved for the sake of her child, which is why it’s mentioned he helped financially. It seems Eliza had been dead for at least a decade before the story starts which would bring us to his early 20′s. How could a romance narrative been possible when she’s dead? ... 5-hours of content with Eliza wouldn’t make sense either considering Issac and he’s on the run from the Pinkertons, I don’t know how it would ever fit in the current story and since the crosses are shown in the trailer (which we assume is Eliza and Issac), seems like they’ve been dead way before. So I think the love interest definitely has to be someone CURRENT.

So there you have it folks who read this (if anyone ever does.) These were my points. I personally think it was always Sadie, but then they removed it because it made no sense because technically, it can’t work since the story only goes for 6 chapters and she’s still mourning her husband. The time they get closer than ever is 5-6, when he’s just about to die. It was obvious Arthur was always going to die, the only way it could’ve worked if they had an alternative ending where he lived. It’s funny though because Mary Linton is set up the same way, never meant to end up with Arthur and even if she did, it wouldn’t ever work because he’s sick but the reason they probably kept Mary’s plot because the game makes it clear him and Mary were never going to happen from Hosea’s bear hunt. Doomed the moment they begun. (Just a “pretty dream”) as Mary put it. They were incompatible, and because they were doomed from the start, it works with his illness plot angle especially in a tragic tone.

I think people need to forget about big points too in this argument like; "Sadie was mourning her husband!" I mean, Mary, Charlotte and Sadie were all mourning. You need to judge by the dialog to uncover who was the romantic plot. That'll make it easier to dissect.

[shookethbrooketh]

Character Development - Part 10 - January

Fic Masterlist! (Please click here if you’ve not read this fic before!)

Warnings: None

Word Count: 990

Read it on Ao3! Read it on Wattpad!

Dan’s life took a minor turn for the better since that day in December. It wasn’t like everyone had magically stopped shipping them, but at least it had calmed a bit since Dan’s insane outburst after the sex comment. He still wasn’t proud of that, but at least it made everyone stop. 

He spent the holidays with his family, but he occasionally shot Phil a few texts and wished they could be together. Soon, it was time for school to go back to session, and Dan couldn’t be more relieved to return to the familiar environment. Of course, that quickly turned bittersweet. 

“Look who it is!” they yelled. 

“Here comes the bride!” they sang. 

“Are you two together yet?” they pestered.

Nothing had gotten any better. Really, it seemed as if they were back to the same point they were before break. Every day Dan would walk into science class and stupidly tell his friends something dumb Phil had done during lunch, and every day they made fun of him more and more. It was all in good fun, but oh how he wished it would stop. They all shipped “phan”, as they were still calling it. 

Phan was shipped in gym, phan was shipped in science, hell, phan was even shipped on one of their friends’ Snapchat story. Dan wished he could show them all up for it. He wished April Fool’s Day was on a school day that year so they could walk in holding hands and see everyone’s reactions. Or maybe just on a regular day. That would work too. 

Dan shook his head back into reality as he stood across from his friends in science class. He had just mentioned how Phil had thrown tomatoes into his lunchbox and had been greeted with more questions of phan, throwing him into his own fantasy, or phantasy. He glanced around the room for his science teacher, who was notorious for very openly shipping students and had both him and Phil as students, even though they were in different classes. Dan liked to believe he hadn’t mentioned anything because he hadn’t heard them yet, but really it was just that he couldn’t care less about anyone who didn’t play any sports. Either way, Dan wasn’t complaining.

However, he still couldn’t get the thought of his beautiful “April Fool’s Prank” out of his head. So, he did the one thing he knew he could always do in these situations: text Louise. 

Dan: i’m doing it again.  Louise: crushing on phil?  Dan: yeah. i mean tbh it’s not like i ever stopped but hardcore today Louise: talk to me b Dan: idk man. i just really like him. he’s the only guy i could ever picture myself spending my life with.  Louise: there’s something i’ve been keeping from you... Dan: ???  Louise: remember back in august, at the very beginning of school, when you went to the bathroom during lunch and we told phil you liked him?  Dan: how could i forget? only one of the most humiliating moments of my life. thanks for that, by the way.   Louise: but, uh... i never told you... after i told phil you liked him, he told me he liked you back.  Dan: WHAT??? you’re shitting me. you’re playing a cruel joke, and you better stop right now.  Louise: dan, i’m serious. Dan: but he’s straight! Louise: that’s what we all thought, but apparently we were wrong.  Dan: he’s gay??? for me??? Louise: yup.  Dan: AND WHY THE HELL HAVEN’T YOU TOLD ME THIS?  Louise: he told me not to! Dan: THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT NOW? Louise: i’ve started to feel enough empathy for you to let you in on this. but you can’t tell him you know!  Dan: this is ridiculous. i like him, he likes me, why the hell don’t we just get together?  Louise: he said he didn’t want to ruin your friendship. Dan: friendship my ass! i don’t want to ruin it either, but we’re such good friends that no amount of awkward could ever ruin that.  Louise: i agree with you, but there’s not exactly much we can do about it.  Dan: or is there?  Louise: oh no.  Dan: it’s time for another one of danny boi’s famous schemes.   Louise: i assume i’ll be doing the dirty work?  Dan: wouldn’t be a scheme if you didn’t. 

The two ended up talking late into the night that night, carefully scheming a plan to get Dan and Phil together. First, they had to find out if Phil still liked him, which was really a scheme in itself. It wasn’t until midnight that Dan was content with their plan just for this first step. It was then that they finally retired, desperate for enough sleep to tide them over into the next school day. 

“You know what you’re doing, right?” Dan asked Louise in the lobby that morning. 

She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Of course I do. I’m going to be a subtle bitch and ask him questions about his sexuality and his romantic life until we narrow it down to the point where we end up talking about you.” 

“All that time for such a shitty plan, honestly.” The bell rang and the two were off in their different directions. 

It was in band that afternoon when Dan caught back up with Louise. “Did you talk to him?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I didn’t get the chance.” 

“You’ll do it tomorrow, though, right?” 

“Of course.” 

This went on for days. She never spoke to him, and if she did it was only briefly and never in the approach Dan told her to. The month of January for Dan was full of nothing but hopeless sighs and constantly attempting to get Louise to understand what he was telling her. Neither were getting him anywhere. At that point, he might as well have moved on, but he didn’t. He was still stuck in this loop come the most depressing day of the year for him: Valentine’s Day.