#did take me a little bit to get immersed but i loved the dynamic between artemisia and the revenant SO much

[libraryleopard]

Young adult fantasy novel

In a world where an order of nuns train to fight the ravenous ghosts that roam the land, a young trainee awakens an ancient spirit from a saint’s relic and must harness its power to defeat an ominous enemy growing in power

Immersive world-building & a thoughtful exploration of religion and childhood trauma

TFW the ancient entity of dark power residing in your brain forces you to practice self care

Aroace-coded main character (also maybe autistic/neurodivergent-coded?)

No romance

[oceanwithinsblog]

every day that passes we're getting closer and closer to the final episodes of doctor who s14 (or s1, whatever) (i'm also in denial WTH does it mean that this season is almost over ????)

so before i forget (and before the last two episodes drop) i NEED to vent a bit about this season. the following are just my personal opinions (which might change after watching the season finale), please bear with me ^^

first of all - i am so glad doctor who is back !!! i must admit that my doctor who drought lasted for around 5 months as i got introduced to the show back in late summer 2023 and did a speed run of all nuwho seasons between september and november 2023. i got super excited for the december specials !! and i was even more surprised and thrilled when i found out a new season of dw was premiering in may 2024 !! i know i've been lucky to wait for so little to get immersed in a new dw season but i truly, truly missed it and i enjoyed every episode of s14 <3 now i'm sad to think that this is about to end, but it felt so good to finally see the doctor back in action and to get through each week thinking that one of my favorite characters/storylines/universes was gonna be there for me on the weekend <3 i love dw so much <3

#2 idk about you but i fell so easily for ncuti as the doctor and millie as ruby/the companion TT they're both so good, i really appreciated their acting this season and i would also say that it's probably one the (few) things that positively shocked me this time around. i guess it was a bit unfair for me to think that ruby wasn't my cup of tea after watching just 'the church on ruby road' ep because she totally surprised me this season. she's so great! millie's acting is on point, so captivating and funny to watch throughout the show. i can't wait to find out more about her character fr! well, what's to say about ncuti as the doctor .. ohmy oh my .. i don't think i've ever seen a doctor so confident, so flirtatious, so proud in themselves .. ncuti's doctor exudes charisma and i'm so here for it. that's absolutely not to say that the doctor's worries, traums etc. magically disappear (they're still very present and influence their every move), but what i loved the most about his acting is that he goes all the way into it. fifteen may become one of my favorite doctors ngl (say hi to eleven and ten) and i am so looking forward to where they're gonna take us next <3

#3 as for writing, i feel that something's missing ... don't get me wrong, i love rtd's cool nice funny episodes and seeing the doctor face a range of diverse situations (even the most unthinkable ones, e.g. space babies) is just priceless.. but there's some kind of void in it, too. now that i think about it, maybe it's not the writing itself but the length of the season - having less than 10 episodes doesn't really give us much time and space to properly explore the dynamics between characters, strengthen their relationships and make them grow both individually and as a whole. besides, i admit that i'm a bit biased, but i loved (most of) moffat's writing for the seasons he was a showrunner of and i personally would love to see ncuti bringing to life more stories written by moffat (yes..i know he wrote 'boom' for s14). basically, i miss 'old' nuwho seasons of 18+ episodes where we could get even more affectionate to the characters and the adventures that defined their journey through the multiverse T___T

before i move on to my last point, may i also add (storyline-wise) that i wished the episodes were more interconnected with each other? not necessarily with the narration, even just with easter eggs ^^" idk maybe moffat got me used to have high expectations lol (i'm still eager to find out who the lady appearing in all episodes is !!!! may this dw finale give us all the answers we need)

#4 i would have never thought i would write this (mainly because i would have never thought there could come a time when these gadget weren't going to be used as much) BUT I DEARLY MISS THE TARDIS AND THE SCREWDRIVER WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM ?!?!?! i loved previous doctors goofing around with their sonic screwdrivers and running in the tardis allowing us (the audience) to find out more and more about the endless number of rooms in it ... why does it seem like fourteen doesn't love their tools ?? why don't they show them more throughout the season ?? this is like classic items that can't miss in the episodes so WERE IS THAT SILLY GOOFY STUFF ?? also, as much as i enjoy fourteen and ruby going on adventures in different time periods etc. why aren't they EVER showed inside the TARDIS travelling and waiting to get to their destination ?? i'm just very nostalgic (i took this very personally, i'm sorry i'm just angry at rtd)

well - i guess that's it! if you've read this far, thank you for reading me <3 let me know what you think about it and what you're expecting for the next couple episodes of s14 <3

ps. i'm very hopeful that rogue will be a recurring character <3

pps. ncuti gave the queers the most fruity doctor ever (no shade to all previous doctors, you've served and delivered and we love u immensiely) <33

[ramonathinks]

5 Husbands by @kingkonoha review contains spoilers under the read more

playlist of a lot of songs that i think fit the vibe of my reading experience and what i felt matched up with the story

Playlist: crack rock by frank ocean, dreamer and valentine by laufey, when im in your arms by cleo sol, ophelia by pinkpatherress, daydream by Ariana Grande, miss romantic by cleo sol, fall in by Esperanza spalding, rain by fauna hues, slow motion by karina pasian, sunshine cleo sol, k by cigarettes after sex, used to love by chloe x Halle, sunset by the internet, pain is inevitable by daniel caesar (fawk him), cinnamon girl by lana del rey , let me know by winona oak, lost by frank ocean, butterfly by corinne bailey rae, piano song by eryn allen kane, float by fauna hues, how does it make you feel by Victoria monet, ivy by frank ocean, step on me by the cardigans, sad girl by lana del rey, wet by dazey and the scouts, frank’s ballad (wiseman) by Alex mankoo, who gets your love by margie joseph, what it is, between the cheats, will you still love me tomorrow, the girl from ipanema by amy winehouse the entirety of amy winehouse back to black album, take the box by amy winehouse

General Review:

Just wow. I did in fact spend like all day reading this and I do not regret it and even though it’s not done… this is literally a 5/5 read. Firstly the way that my baby Tay writes is so phenomenal and the depictions of the relationships and the amount of emotions and thought they she puts throughout the story makes everything so worth it. I really felt so attached to the characters and the overall story like i didn’t care how long the chapters were because i was so interested in the world she build and the CHARACTERS. Like it just keeps getting better and better; the amount of drama and messy that kept me on my toes every chapter. I cannot wait for the next chapter. The amount of stuff that went down in this fic and the route it’s going down idek how she got the life depicted in the first chapter because it’s shit happening every second like whew. I literally got so emotional reading this especially the more recent chapters because my heart hurtssss for reader so bad and it’s just so much strain on her and idgaf that’s my girl! I support women’s wrongs and she got a lot of them but that’s my baby like omg!

Now let’s delve in to my reactions ofc 🙈

CHAPTER 1: okay so obsessed with the fact that reader has a daughter firstly. The way you describe reader’s relationship and the dynamic she has with Armin and even the shift to his pov was very seamless and perfectoooo. The way you got in his head and i feel immersed inside of his thoughts about her and i just thought it was really well written and so beautifully executed. “Being with you but not truly being with you was like having an itch that begged to be scratched.” Like that line right there? It burneddd me and make me feel for him and overall i got invested. Can I add that Armin working in a bakery was very on par with his character lol? Like i love it. Your description of anything is very addicting as well let me add, im a sucker for details so i loved it. I was cheesing DOWN during their moments and when he took her to their childhood hangout place and the hold “date” bit came up and the “but even so, the implication of romance with him felt as natural as breathing.” Likeeee omg i was blushing. “I was always planning on leaving, but…not without you.” Oh that moved me like bad. I’m a sucker for childhood friends to lovers and hearing them reminiscing and just wanting to move out of where they are to make a lifeee was so good. “Since when was he ever so lucky? Since when did fate decide to show him a little bit of pity and mercy? The universe had taken everything from him before he was even old enough to know how to spell the word “universe.”” UGHH you’re killing meeee. And then armin’s backstory stop 😞😞😞. WHEN ARMIN SAID HE WANTED TK MARRY HERRRR OH MY HEART like 😭 crying omg!! Munch Armin Agenda >>>>

Mikasa Cameo yesss. Armin sending reader money 🥲🥲 even though he’s literally going through it ugh, my loveee. The proposal and reader finally getting her steak & lobster please love that for themmmm. Eren… pmo!! … “What they loved more, however, was the fact that he never took his eyes off of you the entire time.” 😄😄😁😁 oh okayyy, don’t know who im rooting for after eren two second cameo. “Nowadays, you had seen more of him than your own husband, and that broke your heart into pieces.” Naurrrrr 🥲 please… ““Is it ‘cause we’re all alone, baby?”” Eren… ERENNN R YOU KIDDING ME MOVEEE like moveee “Can’t control yourself when it’s just us, can you?” MOVEEE

“If you were with me, you’d only be making money for yourself. No one else, baby. It’ll take you wherever you wanna go, buy you whatever want, fuck you however you want. You’d like that, right?” OH FAUK YEWWW, but … omg that’s sexy like please don’t piss me off😭😭

OH FAWK HERR??? FAWK HER MY GODDESSS IS READER SERIOUS RN?? FAWK HER SO BAD FOR THIS IDC

CHAPTER 2: “It was an indisputable fact; scientists measured the elements of his face and declared the handsome man as the literal definition of physical perfection.” Oh that ate !

Eren defending reader yesss #RealMan . “Still though, it’s Eren. Same man who took you away from the person you’re writing about. There’s no way he’d be okay with this.” Jean clocked her im sorry LMAOO??

“You were more than just a pretty face. You were more than just a lovely voice. You were a distraction.” Real… so real.

“You’re such a damn jerk,” Jean snapped. “You can’t take everything you want like you rule the goddamn world, Eren. You stole her away from her ex-husband, but no one’s allowed to steal her away from you, right? Not until you get tired of her and move on to someone else?” CLOCKED LMAKDKA CAUSE WHY WAS I LITERALLY THINKING THE SAME THING LIKE PLEASE MOVE LMAOOO

“Is it true that your ex-husband pushed for your success? And you left him for Eren Yeager?” JEAN MIGHT AS WELL THAT BEEN THE ONE TO ASK THAT BECAUSE INTREEVIEWER CLOCKEDSD HER ! Marriage 😞 please move 👎🏾 why they just pissed me off. J-JEAN ! SIR!!

“Well now, Sarah, there is the possibility that she could have been having an affair! She did leave her first husband for Eren. Who’s to say that she wouldn’t leave Eren for someone else?” THEY CLOCKING HER 😭😭😭😭😭😭 back to back!

Reader locking down all the munches like that’s queen right there! “It was the first time you had ever slept next to him without his arms wrapped around you.” 😞😞 and Jean leaving the band omg… Levi so real lmaoooo

JEAN SO MESSY??? EREN COMING OMG?? EREN ACTUALLY BEING THEREEE OH MY GOSH PLEASE MOVE!!! “But, apparently, all of it was stupid. He felt stupid as he stood there, watching his best friend kiss and touch you. He felt stupid as he thought about the day he proposed to you. He felt stupid as he thought about how much he loved you.” Naur… MY GOSH READER SO ??? she done pissed me off!

CHAPTER 3:

Mikasa clocking her 😁😁🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ karma x3 and “i want him back” and “that’s not the same thing” LMAOO CLOCKED! LIKE GOT HER

“I didn’t even know that Eren was there! He was avoiding me for weeks a-and said he wasn’t gonna show up. I fucked up, I know that, but he stopped speaking to me. Stopped looking at me. He acted like I didn’t exist…and I was fucking lonely.” She kinda ate idk she back to winning me over. FAWK EREN 😭😭😭

Levi…is he crazy telling her to come with him?? 😭😭😭 like he finna get fucked up about her too is he MAD? “You’ve fooled around with three guys back to back. It’s a little hard to tell which one of them you like the most.” FUCK CLOCKED HER SKSJSK ?? “You’re a homeless woman who’s sleeping at her manager’s house because she cheated on a famous rockstar with his bandmate.” Levi it’s 10am in the morning 😭😭😭😭 please chill. “Last thing I need is for the public to start making rumors about us.” He so damn funny lmaoo

“Yes. Men like Eren and Jean took pure advantage of your naiveness. If you ask me, you should have been the one doing the punching. Don’t sit back and let them walk all over you.” Okayy Annie period queen.

“The singer with more failed relationships than original songs.” 😭😭😭 i be giggling down like the industry is clocking herrrrr bad

Annie and Sasha correct actually 🤷🏽‍♀️ coming from the uno champ myself. “Did I just make you laugh? And smile?” 👀 he better relaxxx he see the reader effect !

Not even divorced and literally got a meeting and kissing on Reiner like 😭 is she mad??

CONNIEEEE??? I AINT EVEN PWEP

“Gonna punch me too? Try it. Go ahead. Do it, and let’s see what fucking happens.” CLOCKED! Lmaoooo

Hickey… why i already knew something like that was gonna go down. Broke my baby heart omg 😞!

“If you loved him, you wouldn’t have cheated on him. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left me. So you’re still fucking lying.” Armin just came back and clocking her lmaoooooo “I think it’s easier for you to act like you’ve never cared about anyone than it is to take responsibility for your actions. It’s less painful to pretend that you’re completely the victim in this situation than it is to accept that you broke my heart. Eren and Jean’s heart as well. I’m not saying that anyone is in the right or wrong, but I know you. I know you loved me, even if it was just a little bit.” Tea… like girl it’s okay.

CHAPTER 4:

Connie is crazyyy 😭😭? “You know your life is in my hands” & “don’t make me do some easy shit” OHH he crazy

Marco…. Yo?? And they wondering why Connie went mad like be serious.

Arminnn, glad to see he okayish. “You never thought he’d use it on you.” Welllll?? The love of his life fucked him over 😭😭😭 um be serious.

“I love you, and I understand what money and influence can do to a person, but I just miss you. I miss the old you, the person who made everyone laugh during card games and didn’t treat everyone like garbage.” 🙂🙂🙂 ohhh he clocked her this like one of the worst ones.

“No ordinary human being enjoyed the realization that they had changed for the worse. It felt like your insides were twisting up, as if the old version of yourself was begging to come out, buried underneath this new, shallow, perfect celebrity.” ☹️☹️☹️ nooo queenie.

“You’re so in love with Hollywood now, I didn’t think you’d come at all if I told you the truth.” 😟😟 oh um! this is crazy to say ?? why even invite her at all lmaoo??

Reiner’s place is so lived in and loved around like your description really got me cause I can feel it all around and buzzing so lively whew i felt home! Reiner is EXACTLY the type of man who would bring you to meet the family and to propose so i smiledddd because yes just yes!

Jean messy as HELL! THE BREAK IN IS CRAZY AND HER JUST ASSUMING ITS ARMIN

HER SUCKING LEVI IS CRAZY???? MARRIED FOR HALF A SECOND IS SHE MAD?? LEAKED PHOTOS AND ALL THAT IS CRAZY AFTER THE BREAK IN OMG??? 😭😭😭 she cannot catch a break, she been famous for like maybe 2 years what is her problem.

CHAPTER 5:

ARMIN AND EREN GETTING JUMOED BY CONNIE MEN IS SO INSANEEEE. Levi OKAYYY king shitttt yesss. Why is Connie so messy?? Why is he trying to ruin her like omg…

“Y/N’s the only client you give a damn about now. You don’t even give a damn about yourself. Your life is ruined, and yet, here you are, worrying about her.” CLOCKED LMAOO?? JEAN BE CLOCKING EVERYONE LIKE LMAOOO

Album called Heartbreaker, she kinda mother for that 😹😹 like literal queen shit. The story… my eyes almost popped out my head like okay.. Not jean and eren popping out yo! Um Connie and Flint is so…messy for all this. They really getting a personal fuck you.

😹😹 Eren just clocked Flint like I hope he don’t get beat up later but he ate. OH MY GOSH?? What the fuck is wrong with Connie yo?? He can’t hate eren this bad like he’s literally a monster….

NAH READER STFU?? BEFORE HE GET SOMEONE TO WHOOP YOUR ASS TOO LIKE OMG?? BUT WHY SHE VERY MUCH SO CLOCKED HIM LIKE IM GIGGLINGGG 😭😭😹😹 GET HIM AGAIN!

Someone gotta kill Connie like wtf is his problem and to even threaten Levi and the way he doing reader, not even letting her see Reiner… like i feel for her so bad omg. Why is he ruining her lifeeee omg ?? Like im finna cry ??? And then to do that to Reiner :((( omg i feel for everyone in here omg

NAH CAUSE LEVI RIGHT ACTUALLY?? LIKE CONNIE IS LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH HER!

Them being worried about who she gonna end up with is kinda crazy like she being held hostage 😭😭? Thank you Levi for getting them back in order. WHY REINER JUST CLOCKED ALL OF THEM LIKE LITERALLY ALL OF THEM LMAOOOO

CHAPTER 6:

ERWIN JUST FUCKED EVERYTHING UP ??? YO??

“She doesn’t have any loved ones, just a bunch of stupid guys hoping to crawl into bed with her. That’s all she’s good for.” Alright?? Fuck you??

CONNIE SHOOTHIM HIM IS MADDDD OMG

The car ride having me on the edge of my seat just paragraphs in. Connie trying to do small talk like please move…

“Because that would mean leaving, and you knew better.” I’m crying like idgaf she don’t deserve none of this 😭😵‍💫😵‍💫???

“Really? You’re working on your eighty-seventh marriage and you wanna lecture me about being a good person? You cheat and get remarried every season, so shut the hell up.” He tried to clock her but it’s tired at this point so 😭😭😭 please gtfo. Connie trying to be lonely too he can get out like i really dgaf.

Nah Reiner clocked it… I wasn’t even seeing Mikasa fr until he just said that because yes I can see it fr! Like wowww. This Mikasa and Reiner conversation is >>> like i love it.

Poor reader like idgaf, she did that to keep them safe obviously! Why would Jean just say that to eren tb licking connie’s boots like his mom’s life was at risk please ??😭😭😭

THE ENDINGGGG OMG??? I canttttt

[tiffyfoundsomething]

I haven't had much to talk about lately as far as dolls or doll repair tools go because I've been busy with other things.

My S.O. has been playing Yakuza: Like a Dragon Infinite Wealth, though, and I have some thoughts.

Which is on sale right now for $40 on Amazon:

He's been playing on PS5. Since he's the one playing, I can't give much of an opinion on the combat system or item storage, etc.

I can say there are a ton of mini- and sub- games that he's enjoyed like a bottomless dungeon, an Animal Crossing-like island resort to take care of, baseball, card games, a Pokemon spoof, a dating game, and more.

The game references and mimics many other classic video game genres.

-

Like a Dragon Infinite Wealth is the first in the Yakuza series that he's played (he didn't even know about the series; I did but only from other people), and it was also conveniently a perfect place to hop into the franchise because you get a quick rundown of the games that lead up to this point. Even having not played Like a Dragon, the first in the Yakuza series to feature Ichiban Kasuga as the lead and a whole new battle system (it's now turn-based RPG style) and most of the characters already being established, Infinite Wealth makes sure you know who everyone is and how they're tied to Kasuga and Kiryu.

The Yakuza series is well known and well loved, and despite some heavy, emotional story the series doesn't take itself too seriously.

-

LaDIW looks really great. There is some disparity in quality between cinemas, cut scenes, and game play but that's normal.

Characters have individual facial hairs. There is texture in the clothing. For the most part the movements are fluid and natural, though at times they are stiff and weird. In-game animation has gotten worse as the game has gone on but the cinemas are consistently high-quality. I wonder if they were in a crunch for some segments, or if they used a different, lower quality studio for those parts.

-

The opening chapter is tedious. Cinema after cinema, they're long, they're awkwardly written, they go on and on and on long after the points has been made much like this sentence. If you can get through that, the rest is much more enjoyable.

I have noticed the ending cinemas are similar to the beginning in that they are awkward, keep going past the point being made, etc. That is a bit frustrating.

The English voice acting is..... I wouldn't say it's great, but it's ok. Sometimes it's really obvious when one V.A. is doing multiple voices and that can disrupt immersion. Seunhee likes to hiss her S's at the end of sentences and that gets under my skin. That's just a me, thing, though.

-

The characters are dynamic, flawed, and very lovable. It's easy to feel like you're hanging out with a bunch of your friends, experiencing the same things they are, together.

There is a lot of melancholy in their individual stories. Illness, unrequited love (tons of unrequited love), taking responsibility, letting go of the things they want in order to help the people they love.

They are also mostly in their 40's which makes them a little easier for me to relate to.

I am old.

-

There is a bit of misogyny in the game.

The male characters have skin texture, scruff, wrinkles, eyebags, and flaws while the female characters are all flawless, smooth, and generally younger.

There are 3 playable women and 7 playable men.

Male characters get jobs like cowboy, chef, breakdancer, and surfer, while the female characters get jobs like maid, dominatrix, and idol singer. There is no overlap, men don't get to be maids and women don't get to be chefs, for example. The men also get a lot more jobs than the women do.

There is a lot of ~younger woman interested in oblivious older man~ going on, too.

Everyone is equally capable, though, and all of the characters are treated as equals by the other characters.

-

Without spoiling anything, some features and activities do become redundant due to how the game is set up (you'll see). Like you'll go to Location A and do something, then go to Location B and.... do it again.

-

All in all we've both really enjoyed it, and I'm dreading the game ending because we've enjoyed the experience so much.

[interact-if]

Day 5 of the interviews! let’s give it up for Ligia! :chinhands:

Ligia, author of Love the Guard, Be the King

Latino Heritage Month Featured Author

Mathias' heart has been bleeding since his father, the former King, decided to punish you for his mistakes. As the youngest child of a lesser bourgeois, you were raised in the castle, between the King’s cruelty, the Queen’s friendship, and  Mathias’s kindness (or supposed kindness?).

Now, more than twenty Carnivals since your arrival, the King is dead and the Queen’s sickness  worsens each day. As the azure taint spreads in the kingdom and the Opalean Wars come to an end, it’s Mathias’s time to sit on the throne.

Will the docile Prince become a kind King, a violent Monarch, or a ruthless Tyrant? Will you have any say in it? And how much will your relationship change?

Love the Guard, Be the King Demo | Author’s Kofi | Read more [here]

Tags: historical, romance

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT)

Q1: So, tell us a little bit about the projects you’re working on!

With pleasure! Right now, I’m working on three main projects. My personal Visual Novel project, “Love the Guard, Be the King,” a second Visual Novel I’ve been secretly working on with a good friend for the past 10 months or so, and I also have an ongoing book series about hot, quirky supervillains—but I’ll focus only on the first two cause that’s what we’re here for, right? Hahaha.

LtGBtK is a really intimist experience, focused more on the MC’s and RO’s character arcs and how we can change depending on our experiences and how we feel about them. The entire plot happens in only four days, but it takes into account almost 30 years of history—basically Mathias’s (the only RO) entire life!

“Crystal Library” has mystery, romance, magic, 6 ROs, and a ton of memorable scenes already. I’m working on the graphics and the programming for this one, while Coco Nichole (@dreamybard), one of my favorite writers ever, is the brilliant mind behind the plot and all of CL’s characters! I can’t wait to share this one with you all. Romance is optional in both. :)

Q2: What excites you most about using interactive fiction? What are some of the biggest challenges?

What I LOVE and FEAR about all types of interactive fiction is how it invites players to, on a much deeper level, be part of the narrative. When reading books, we all work hard to translate beautiful sentences and scenes into images in your head. We interact with it, yes, but when playing IFs, we also explore the narrative in a different way; we have so much more agency over what happens! We sometimes have different paths to choose from, beautiful illustrations to unlock, or character traits that change depending on our choices… it’s amazing, and, IMO, it’s a very unique way to experience narratives.

But it’s also very complex, very demanding, and it can easily get out of hand if you give the players too many options/branches to follow, mainly when working with small teams or, in my case for LtGBtK, alone. *takes a deep breath* I just hope I’m doing a good job. .-.

Q3: What has been something in your project you’ve had to do a weird amount of research for?

Besides programming lol basically everything. For LtGBtK, I’m trying to create this weird fantasy with a modern-medieval society (?), so I’m constantly researching medieval customs, traditions, tools, and weirdly specific stuff like socks. Did people wear socks in the medieval era? What were their playing cards made of? When was ice cream invented? How did they shave? How did kids become knights? What were their perfumes made of? And soaps? What did they eat? How different was their wine? And what kind of materials or slang or fabrics can I use, and what can I change without completely breaking immersion?

 And then I shove all that into a pot and adapt it to a world where Mathias can literally put the world on fire with a wave of his hands. ♥

Q4: Which of your characters is most like you? How?

I think I’m a mix of them all, but mainly Mandra and Rafa (one of my main characters in my supervillain books). They have wildly different personalities and stories, but those two have clear views of the kind of person they want to be, they’re not afraid of their soft sides, and they are ready to work hard to become good at what they love. Rafa has a specially strong connection to her brother, like my siblings and I, and Mand is often locked in an eternal state of wanting to be alone and wanting to be surrounded by family/loved ones, so I guess we meet there too!

Q5: Does your heritage influence your characters as you create them? (How? Why or why not?)

Yes! There are the very basic ways, like habits, names, food, family dynamics, settings (mainly in my books, which are all very Brazilian), and Holidays. And then there’s a more personal way that I’m not entirely sure I can explain because I lived in Brazil for 28 years, and I’m not sure I can put that into words. The classics of our literature are different, Art, architecture, and music developed differently, my country was violently colonized and still faces the results of that violence (including but not limited to structural racism, classism, misogyny etc), I learned some Capoeira in my physical education class at school, we call non-Brazilians “gringos,” and so on. This is my normal, and this is what my characters would see as normal too, because I don’t know any different.

At the very core, all my characters are influenced by my country’s history, by our relationship with other countries, and by the values my parents taught me, passed down to them by my Indigeous-Spanish-Portuguese-German foremothers/fathers. :P

The main, more palpable way my heritage influences my characters, though, is through humor and theme. I think Brazilians have a very specific, sharp, and often very smart kind of humor that, IMO, stems from the type of history our country has, and the way we look at life, sometimes translating pain into humor. As for themes, I usually write about what makes me angry... and there’s a lot in Brazil’s history and modern society that causes me that. :)

But all I know for sure is that I want to show the world Brazilians are much more than samba and soccer.

 Q6: What is something you love to see in interactive fiction?

Other people! In the same way I add my history and worldview to my creations, I always approach stories thinking that there’s a whole, well, history behind them. And I love that! Also, I adore choices that feel impactful + good friendships and family relationships + soft romances with mutual respect. ♥

Q7: Any advice to give?

Hmm. Be proud and celebrate who you are and where you’re from. Learning and understanding the world inside us is a life-long process, so it’s always a victory to discover new pieces of ourselves. :) Also, if you can, talk to people that come from different cultures than yours to expand your worldview, don’t be afraid to be soft (the world needs more kindness), and please study personal finance. Seriously. XD

[roomeight]

Graham Coxon's Foreword to Narcissus & Goldmund

At seventeen I was wide-eyed and thirsty. I was a student studying General Art and Design. I was a sponge determined to absorb everything I could. All new experiences rang with significance - the pictures, the films, the books, the music, the photographs, they all filled my world with a sense-heightening mess of magic, I humbly held artists of any kind in very high esteem, marvelled at their work. I would walk the streets of Colchester dressed in overalls and tweed, smelling of turpentine and oil paint, much to the despair of my mother. I was a proud student, an honoured aesthete.

At this time, one teacher made a particular impression on me and the rest of my group, although to many it was a bad one. This teacher appeared from nowhere and seduced us into defining ourselves and, in doing so, unwittingly split our group into factions - or at least accelerated the process. What she did was simple and playful but left me feeling as though I had undergone an important personal and creative development. She stacked tables and chairs to the ceiling, climbed up and hung up a roll of tape with string. She then encouraged us to draw it as it swung around the room. The precious graphic design types rolled their eyes, silently mouthed curses, felt for their fine-nibbed pens and bemoaned the prospect of another two hours with a teacher that was so obviously a weirdo; but to others, those of a looser nature, myself included, this eccentrically dressed, enthusiastic, beaming woman immediately became a heroine, and we slashed at our huge sheets of paper with our sticks of charcoal. The already cynical graphic artists thought her teaching pointless and undignified, but the fine artists loved her and admired the unashamed energy and enthusiasm she displayed so unselfconsciously. You were for her or against her. She neither patronized us nor intellectualized, and so created an environment in which we began to the making of marks on paper as a highly personal, sensual, spiritual act.

Late one morning I was sitting drinking coffee and smoking one of those very, very first cigarettes, when she smiled over at me and came to join me at the table. "There's a book you should read, Graham, if you haven't already. I think you would love it. It's called Narcissus and Goldmund. The title alone made me imagine it might be heavy-going, so I found myself avoiding the book for quite a while. I don't know why I didn't at least give it a go. Maybe I wanted to preserve the feeling of excitement of knowing that something beautiful and hugely important was just around the corner but felt it so intimidating that I was loath to quit the comfort of loitering in an adjacent alley. Maybe I felt flattered that a woman I greatly admired thought me mature enough or intelligent enough to contemplate recommending such a book. I am sure she recognized that I was more an empty vessel than a full one and wanted to contribute a little to filling me up, so maybe I was afraid that I would leave the book unfinished or find it boring and in so doing fail my new teacher. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

In any case, time went by, and I left the college and moved on to take a degree in Fine Art at Goldsmiths' College, part of the University of London. The book had been itching away at me for around three years by the time I finally bought it, turned to the first page and, breathing in deeply, took the plunge. I need not have worried. I didn't find the book at all difficult to read, and I was quickly immersed in it totally.

Although I now find myself in the privileged position of writing a foreword to this deeply moving and powerful book, I don't feel in the least bit qualified to do so. I never studied philosophy and I don't consider myself a 'thinker' as such, but I am an asker, an asker of big questions, and always felt there was more to learn and more to  experience right from the beginnings of my impressionable adolescence right up to now and my impressionable late youth.

The clean simplicity of Hesse's writing offers a vast space in which to push your weightless mind, and, although you can see the universe between the lines, he never forces you to venture too deeply but, rather, leaves it entirely up to you as to how far in you might like to travel. This is not just a story. This book is a gentle arm around the shoulder. It gets us off the hook, treasures us that there is still time, that surrender is possible even it is a surrender to ourselves, that no matter how recklessly we bolt out into the unknown the journey home is a brief one. It lets us know that even when we become lost in the crazed volatility of what we think of as freedom, reaching the very edge of our own flat world, gazing petrified over the edge at the black expanse of our own demise, we are but a change of hardened heart away from the innocence of our beginnings, from peace.

We see that outward journeys are easy - essential if somewhat desperate assertions of our will and independence. After all, we have first to be filled with something for an inward journey to be possible. This book made me wonder just how far down the dangerous roads of our early adult lives does the pull of a simpler  life begin to tug at our sleeves. When does the overbearing din of hollow seduction suddenly fall on deaf ears? Does the balance need to be addressed? If so, then when, finally, does an existence free of clutter prove more desirable than one of chaos?

I think we can all see ourselves in Goldmund. His experiences can relate sharply to our own, they melt and shape themselves into the mould of our own lives. Life and the material world was designed to seduce, and we ourselves are designed to be seduced by it. We career, uncompromisingly, through our early lives, proud of our strength and youth but never treasuring it. Maybe that's how it should be, that we squander it if only to mourn it later when we don't feel so invincible and have to savour each day of our late adulthood. Perhaps this may be why as we get older, we like more what we see when we close our eyes. Could this be God's way of making the transition into the next life a smoother, less traumatic one?

This book has proven itself to be a template to me. It has a perfect and gentle tension and familiar dynamic shape. It's a book where you can plot your own progress and plan your own happy ending. It has been a source of great inspiration to me throughout the sixteen years its words have been rooted in my head. It is a book that you can never grow out of because you grow into it, and it softens around you like a good old pair of shoes. It is not without its tragedy and its blood and its guts but shows this aspect of life to be as much a valid part of the journey as happiness.

Narcissus and Goldmund is a well from which we can draw limitless emotional strength, and I am not ashamed to say that I am extremely jealous that you might just be reading it for the first time.

- Graham Coxon, musician

2006

[sitp-recs]

Bridges by @cavendishbutterfly

(Here’s the author’s post if you want to reblog!)

Harry/Draco (2021, Explicit, 16k)

Harry and Draco are on a trip to Budapest to help with Kingsley's re-election, but that's the boring bit. More interesting: Harry Potter is changing his Tinder preferences to include men.

Also interesting: Harry's spending more time with Draco Malfoy than he ever has, wandering around the city. And Harry doesn't hate it. The city's pretty gorgeous too. Or: This is the author's love letter to Budapest, Hungary.

Harry slips into his bed, facing away from Malfoy, thinking about that small little table with Steve, a graffiti-ed bathroom, and the parts that endure when other parts of you change again and again, shifting unceasingly.

Believe me when I say I haven’t written a rec so fast in ages, tbh I started drafting this as soon as I read the quote above (that’s the heart kick factor, baby!) and in a frantic way - I literally had to tell myself “calm the fuck down and get back to the story, the words won’t run away”.

Wow, what a stunning contemplative fic! I’ve been leaning towards them lately because they are quiet and invite me to properly reflect on so many different things, story-related or not. And I’ve been excited to check this since Cavendish shared a snippet the other day (I was screaming “AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES!” as I hit the reblog button 😂), and this is so much more than what I expected! It’s a lovely and sensitive story, full of soft feels, gorgeous aesthetics and a slow burn that made my heart ache.

The mood is a perfect balance between light and serious, beautifully crafted since the first paragraph, and Harry’s POV took my breath away. I love that he actually sees Draco even before feeling attracted to him, always aware of his presence and intrigued by his mood; I love that he feels the pull and decides to experiment with men right there and then (what a perfect depiction of Harry’s impulsive nature!), and the painful aftermath felt so real it gave me a lump in the throat. And I love this unique version of Draco too: bashful but fierce, anxious and a bit inadequate yet gracious and guarded, nerdy and lost and so very charming! His unease with the war, his search for meaning, the memorial scene (the way my heart ached with “I want to be someone who understands what I did, I don’t want to take the war lightly”), I thought it was fascinating and really well done, plus I appreciate that both characters feel haunted but are still soft and hopeful.

One of my favorite things about this slow burn is that it acknowledges that some things are incredibly hard, while others are incredibly easy. Harry and Draco each have a rough journey but they fall together easily, and their dynamics are curious, organic, unhurried. It was lovely to see them bonding while experiencing the beauties of Budapest, with its sightseeing, degustations, casual banter flirting and (not so) sudden realizations. Finally, the perfect hot smut made me drool! Kudos to this cautious Draco being obliterated by wanton Harry, there was so much character in that scene, loved it.

This fic has the perfect length, the perfect pacing, the perfect atmosphere and the perfect setting. It made me fall in love with Budapest without having ever considered visiting it, and it made me look into myself and contemplate what Harry said about the things that remain despite one’s impermanent self. Thank you Cav for writing such an immersive and thought-provoking work. I know I’ll be revisiting this fic many many times 💜

Read on AO3

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

So I finished Gods if Jade and Shadow and it was a fun read. Very much a Fairy Tale, and I say that in a positive light.

[spoilers below]

I will say, I went through the tag on here and people were going on about the ending tearing up their hearts and I personally don’t get it. Like, it was a perfectly expected ending. Nothing shocked or surprised me about it. And that’s not a bad thing! Means the story was well constructed.

But idk guys. Cassiopeia is eighteen. I think it’s a good thing the first guy she fell in love with, after leaving a shit family situation in a small town where she was sheltered from the world, ended and now she’s able to go out and really live her life.

And honestly? Her driving off with a French Demon to New Orleans is so much better than being Persephone 2.0 but Mayan.

Things I liked:

I loved how Hun-Kamé was written. Definitely a well rendered god of the dead/underworld, I felt

The playing with Mayan mythology was cool and caters to my love of myth making and folklore

Traveling around late 1920s Mexico with Cassiopeia and Hun-Kamé was a lot of fun

The romance was understated and believable from Cassiopeia’s point of view. Totally on point. Personally don’t know what a god of the underworld sees in a sheltered 18 year old from a small town but idk I guess you do you, Hun-Kamé

I loved the bit at the end between Hun-Kamé and Vucu-Kamé with the mountain of resentment eroding away; that was a great scene

Here for the giant salamanders - actually everyone’s animal companions were great

Cast of characters was great - all the people they meet are fun and engaging

Well paced plot, it’s not a character driven book by any means so the plot needs to keep going and it does

I did like Martín’s hatred that Cassiopeia was the favoured grandchild even though Cirilo treated everyone like shit. Like that dynamic of “this old man is abusive and terrible but I still want to be his favourite and have him love me more than you” felt very real

The description of the gods was good. Especially the focus on their eyes and how inhuman they are, I really liked that

Things I didn’t like or felt could have been done better:

I felt that the world was underused. This is jazz age Mexico! There was a lot of potential and I didn’t feel as immersed in the world as I could have been

The plot was fun and interesting enough to keep me reading but it was entirely predictable. But, it is a playing on a fairy tale/old legend motifs so I suppose that makes sense from a narrative decision

I wanted more suspense and tension of whether or not they were going to succeed

Kind of wanted proper brujeria showing up more than it did (this is purely personal, not anything against the book)

Wanted more backstory on her father and also what the fuck her grandfather was up to other than helping gods of the dead stage coups against their twin brothers, as one does

Martín was a fine antagonist/foil to Cassiopeia but I felt he needed to be built out a little more.

Cassiopeia felt a little too perfect - her temper and her attitude never really got them into trouble and like idk I wanted more from her

I will say I like character driven things so this could just be a personal taste thing

My hot takes:

Martín, being a useless, cowardly, arrogant asshole shitweasel was, naturally, my favourite character and I’m rooting for him in Guadalajara. Go make that sweet sweet cash money and avoid your shitty grandfather

This was the best ending for Cassiopeia and I think her ending up with Hun-Kamé would have been depressing. She’s much better off with her new bff, the shifty French demon who makes bad jokes

The shifty French demon, Loray, is my other fave character

Vucu-Kamé did nothing wrong and he was right to stage a coup against his brother. Hun-Kamé, I do like him as a character, but he seems like a bit of a loser. Go reclaim the power of your former glory days, Vucu-Kamé, I believe in you

I forget if Vucu-Kamé got his jade ring back from Martín. If he didn’t I’m 100% sure Martín calls him up when he’s in a tight spot and is like “OH MOST GRACIOUS AND POWERFUL AND WONDERFUL LORD OF XIBALBA i owe Juan two hundred pesos. Can you uh…cover my gambling debt again?” Sacrifices a goat to him. Vucu-Kamé is like, “Gods fine. But only because you flatter my ego.”

Vucu-Kamé: what did I do to deserve such useless mortal servants?

Hun-Kamé: maybe try fewer coups in the future?

Vucu-Kamé: that has absolutely nothing to do with the bad luck of being saddled with Martín Layva as a servant 

Hun-Kamé: yeah I definitely got the good cousin, out of the two

Cassiopeia is an absolute nightmare driver, no one can convince me otherwise. Loray regrets teaching her

Anyway - it’s a fun and fast read and I generally recommend it if you’re looking for a good, easy romp to read over a weekend or something

[pop-punklouis]

here to talk about stranger things

i'm a sucker for cinematography and some shots were really well done. specifically the one where the kids are biking and it takes you to the upside down where the adults are biking too!

i'm so glad they're focusing on eleven's traumas because phew she has been through a lot. my mind's absolutely blown because of the parallels between how manipulative dr brenner is as a guardian figure vs how joyce (and hopper) emit this kindness and consent. i've talked about it a bit here.

i'm so mad because they did will SO dirty like my poor boy didn't go through so much shit for him to be brushed aside like that, especially when he's like head canonically queer.

also absolutely hate how one dimensional they've made jonathan.

also, eleven deserves someone better than mike. free her from him pls.

i really don't want the nancy/steve thing to happen again. if anything, in honour of pride month let nancy/robin be a thing instead

also wtf is up with suzie's family oh my god??

as always, steve gets 💋💋 one of the best character developments i've seen tbh

in relation to you talking about how will+jonathon+mike got so little screen time, i feel like the new characters, like the baseball captain dude the one who was dating chrissy got more screen time than the trio 😂

anyways this got long im sorry 🙈

SONIIII please hello. yes! there are always certain scenes when a new ST season drops that cause me drool with how much I love its cinematography. I was kinda let down by the CGI this season though. It was *yawn* how much of it they used instead of utilizing the hybrid of physical/digital effects. Like some scenes had great CGI while just five minutes later it is horrid. so weird to me because it takes me out of the immersion rip

i do like how they actually gave eleven a proper backstory! i found those scenes to be more interesting this season as the pacing felt off to me, and it dragged a bit in parts. so getting a more developed background was refreshing for her. and oooo i haven't had time to properly analyze parallels, but that was a great catch regarding the difference between Brenner and Joyce/Hop as guardian figures to El 👀

they've continuously pushed Will to the backburner since season 3 and I'm! sick of! it! i want to see more of him and he deserves better tbh (much better than mike but i digress lmao) pretty homophobic if you ask me 🔪😵‍💫

did jonathan even.... exist this season. he was so unmemorable it is hard to tell. what even was the point of will+mike+jonathan's C plot besides the duffer brothers having absolutely nothing going for their storyline so just. didn't really do anything with it lmao and YEAH?? honestly fuck mike he annoys me. both el and will deserve better 💅🏼

the hamfisted nancy/steve rekindling drives me NUTS. it is such lazy writing and is only building to steve getting his hopes up and having them crushed again when jonathan tumbles back into the actual plot and "gets the girl" again its so boring and expected. please give steve something else to focus on. give him MORE than being the mopey ex boyfriend. let him be happy please. nancy/robin??? i'd LOVE to see it actually 💕

Suzie's family is mormon!! that like. explains practically everything about that household's dynamics lol they just amplified the Mormon stereotype but its hilarious djrjrktk

steve continues to be one of the only characters to carry this show on his back for another season like thank you king as always 🌹💋

(and don’t be sorry!! i could ramble about stranger things all day 🫣)

[evakuality]

Matteo - Episode three

Social Media - There’s so much of it this week!  At the time, I only followed a couple of accounts and then only saw the rest when it was posted to the tag.  I think I’m grateful for that.  This is absolutely overwhelming, the sheer volume of things the characters were putting out.  But it’s also really nice that we get all this normal teenage life stuff.  It really does allow an immersive ‘this is real people doing real stuff’ feeling to everything.  Particularly people like Kiki and Sam who have little to do with the plot.  It keeps them real and alive through a season where they were a bit more sidelined (and I love that Matteo and David’s little trip later on keeps them alive in a way that doesn’t overpower Amira’s season - this is a really clever way for the producers to keep fan favourites active without having to shoehorn them into places where they don’t belong).  I am also a bit concerned about some of this though - how on earth did the boys not get in trouble for filming the dancing girls and posting it to social media?  At most schools I know that would have resulted in some serious discipline action.  However, the most fascinating thing about the social media is the party at the end of the episode.  Sara didn’t start posting much on her stuff until much later in the evening (the reason this post is so late is because I was waiting to watch through all the social media before I worked with it - and there was so much for so long that I was able to notice the patterns in it in a way I didn’t at the time) and then Leonie took over and it was interesting what she chose to show and how non-perfect it all was compared to what Sara was trying to do before she got really incapacitated.  I know it’s not technically part of this episode but the text string between the two of them the next day where Sara panics over how Matteo might take seeing her in such a sloppy drunken state is very telling.  She really really wants to put on a show to make sure he’s not turned off by her not being ‘perfect’ - again, this is all very subtly done but there’s a really strong push to show how much of what is put onto social media isn’t a real and true depiction of who we really are.  And of course that’s most important for Matteo himself.  He’s still very actively putting on a front and it’s only partly to try to cover for the fact that he’s interested in boys not girls.  He’s really not happy or at ease with pretty much any aspect of himself, but he’s also not really willing to show it to anyone.  Except David.  Which we’ll see as we go through the clips.

Clip one - Matteo’s shelf in the fridge is so sad!  Someone (a parent maybe?) should really be making sure he has food and is looking after himself.  We touched a bit last episode on food and nurturing and what we see here is Matteo very much not nurturing himself.  Even more so than Sara, he has no care for his own wellbeing.  Also he’s relying heavily on other people (Hans in this case) to do the heavy lifting for him.  It’s also a major contrast to the playful, if disgusting, sandwich he made with David.  Here it’s really just about putting something in to his body and there’s no thought for anything other than basic survival.  Which is, tbh, a good metaphor for Matteo’s approach to his life at this time.  The chat with Mia again veers close to things that are difficult for Matteo - he’s wearing David’s beanie, trying to get that bit of closeness to him, but then Mia starts asking awkward questions about why the kitchen was so terrible and what Matteo was up to and it’s all a bit tough.  Matteo tries again to deflect and lie to cover his tracks.  Which... is he ever going to learn?  This lying is forever getting him in hot water when he’s caught out.  Jonas even calls him out on it, basically saying ‘if you’re going to use me as an excuse then give me a heads up first’ showing that he has Matteo’s back, but is incapable of helping him if he won’t help himself.  At this point, of course, Matteo has closed off because there’s a lot he finds too hard to talk about but Jonas is already giving those hints that he’d be there for Matteo if only Matteo would let him be.  But at least Mia’s pushing serves one purpose - Matteo makes contact with David again and they manage to connect and get over the little hitch that David’s ditching caused.  Both are still hiding bits of themselves from each other (David more so obviously), but both are quite happy to make these connections and are comfortable with each other.  That David responds is so nice; it sets up the dynamic so different to the original and Matteo is much more secure in David’s friendship than Isak was with Even at this point just because of this.  Then of course Matteo does the gay test, and it’s clear he already knows but he’s just sort of trying to work through some things.  It leads to some of the things he says later that are quite unfortunate (both to the boys about the dance teacher in this episode and to Hans later about the ways to be gay), but I think there’s a genuine desire to figure out what gay might look like rather than any truly homophobic stuff.  societal expectations and stereotypes and our own internal biases mess with us big time!!

Clip two - There’s not a lot of difference with the dancing girls clip, but it’s nice to see David again and the interactions between him and Matteo are a lot more natural than with Isak and Even.  I guess because these two are in the same year, it’s much easier to pass off knowing each other and so Matteo really is a lot more casual than Isak ever was.  The tone of the ‘why does he have to be so gay’ is different here too - Matteo’s much more low key and subdued when he’s called out on ‘why do we insult gays’ and he’s apologising fairly quickly.  It really is much more obvious that he’s trying to work out what ‘gay’ is than trying to distance himself from the idea of being gay.  He has a lot of issues and a lot of stuff to work through but it’s entrenched in an entirely different way to the og even though the words are almost exactly the same.  The power of acting and body language!!  Of course, this makes sense for both characters too - Isak and Matteo have different experiences and different lives and so they each act in a way that makes sense for them.  I’m super impressed that the same conversation can look so different - both actors are very very good.

Clip three - This scene with Matteo and Sara works much better for me than the one with Isak and Emma.  But perhaps that’s because Sara is allowed to be much more of a rounded character rather than a plot device.  We can say all we like (and Leonie is so clearly right there with us) that Sara needs to wake up and see how badly Matteo is treating her, but the way this is developing makes it clear why she thinks and acts the way she does and we can have a lot of sympathy for her even while rolling our eyes at how obviously this is not working out.  This right here is the moment where Matteo really should have said ‘yeah sorry, this isn’t working for me’ but he chooses not to because he still wants that security of having ‘someone’ if the thing with David turns out the way he expects it to (eg, David and Leonie being a thing).  He wants the ability to hide and say ‘see, there was nothing there, I have a girlfriend so I’m not at all upset that David has one too’ and it’s shitty behaviour and it’s totally unfair to Sara, but at this point Matteo can’t see beyond his own needs.  Sara is very clearly not happy with the situation and she rightly feels sidelined and unappreciated but she is still willing to accept his word when she puts those words into his mouth.  She’s still invested in this fantasy in her head and she is carefully scripting it so that it goes the way she wants it to.  Like last week when she was talking over Matteo to avoid hearing anything he’s saying, here she’s literally telling him what to say to get the outcome she wants.  Leonie has quite obviously got a better handle on the situation, but Sara doesn’t want to hear it.  Sara, again bless her, is very open about what she wants and needs from a relationship and how she’s feeling.  She refuses to take Matteo’s very half-hearted attempt at sweet talking her at face value and demands some accountability.  But it’s the very nature of those demands that sets her doom.  She tells him what she needs and he gives it to her - only it’s a very pale and weak imitation of what she would really like.  He uses her communication skills to play her.

Clip four - I loathe how no-one takes Matteo’s wants and needs into account, pretty much ever.  He’s in such a rut of being used to just going with the flow that even when he tries to assert his own wants people straight up ignore him.  It’s sad that he allows Kiki etc to basically commandeer his home for their party but it’s very much in keeping with how everything else is going.  Last week, Kiki was super irritated because she had a picture of how things were going to go (they would have their event and Matteo would host it) and she couldn’t deal with things not being under her control.  I suspect that if Sara hadn’t been with them and hadn’t done the speaking for Matteo, he would have been bullied into doing what she wanted then too.  He clearly doesn't want to do this , but at least he uses it as a way to get closer to David.  ‘Well, this party idea sucks, but maybe I can get this guy I like there’ and so he goes right up to him and invites him.  While he’s quite checked out of significant parts of his life, when Matteo really wants something he’s not scared of going after it.  Of course, as we see in later events, this gets him in trouble at times.  But for right now it’s nice to see him taking some small control of his life.  This is only possible, of course, because he was able to connect with David fairly quickly after he left last week.  The fact that they are able to do this is testament to how easily they do understand each other and even while its awkward, this relationship doesn’t have the underlying tensions that the one with Sara does.  It’s awkward in a positive way.

Clip five - there’s lots going on in this one.  The studying and how little interest and engagement Matteo has with it.  The consequent stalking of David on Sara’s account, the flow over into looking for David’s favourite movie, and of course Hans and his intrusion into Matteo’s quiet space again and then his attempt at using grindr.  It’s a slow, fairly quiet clip and yet Matteo ends up doing a lot in it.  It shows again, I think, just how much he values his time by himself and how much it works for him to be allowed to do things at his own pace.  I’ve said before I really enjoy seeing the characters in their own environments being chill and just hanging with themselves.  It shows us a lot of how they are.  In this case, Matteo moves very quickly from the boredom of the studying to things he has more interest in.  Like David.  He’s restless and disengaged, using all of his tricks to try to distract himself (playing with plants etc) and then very quickly giving up on what he should do.  I like that we get these sorts of smaller, lower key indications of how much David means to him as well.  It’s not big grandiose expressions of interest, but he watches the movie because David likes it.  He can’t even let himself stare at the picture for too long because it feels like a huge admission (he literally breaks eye contact with it and looks away the way he often does with David himself).  It’s in these unguarded moments in his own space that we really see Matteo and he’s a mess, but he’s a mess who really does want connection and to find meaning with someone.  

Clip six - We all love this one, right?  It’s such a nice moment with David and their almost-kissing is very intense.  But there’s a lot going on before that that I also want to look at.  First, the way the boys call Matteo a ‘player’?????? how???? That’s his girlfriend?????  He is playing her and stringing her along when he shouldn’t, but he’s not playing the field which is generally what we mean when we say this sort of thing.  He has one girl and that one girl has made it pretty clear that he is hers.  In many ways Matteo would be better off if he was playing the field - then there’s no expectations and he gets a rep as a ladies man.  But this works better for him - he can sort of fall into it and follow along with it without having to put any effort in at all.  She literally speaks for him, even.  I have always found it fascinating how much Matteo keeps to himself in this clip.  He hugs the walls like they’re his home and Sara is out there in the middle and there’s such a disconnect between the way they’re both acting.  How would Matteo have coped with the expectations Sara outlines about sex had she not got so blind drunk she had to be taken home?  It seems like it would have led to something very awkward and maybe she’d have finally got the picture.

Laura's little visit to see Matteo is cute too.  Obviously she knows that David is interested and so she checks him out.  It’s a shame it’s interrupted by Hans who then monopolises Matteo, but she was quite deliberate in finding him and speaking with him and I love the sibling support.  David’s shirt he chooses to appeal to Matteo is hilarious too.  The thought process (and the discussions with Laura at home beforehand) must have been brilliant.  ‘I always wear black and am mysterious and aloof and cool, but to attract this boy I will wear a white shirt with a stupid picture on it’ - that it does attract Matteo just shows how attuned David is to his future boyfriend.  Maybe he’s stalking the instagrams too - the Matteo Monday and Florenzi Friday do suggest that this is something that might appeal to Matteo.  

Hans and Andi bother me too.  In much the same way that I dislike that Sara assumes that Matteo not wanting sex with her means he’s gay (like?  It’s okay not to want sex!!  It doesn’t say anything about your sexuality), I don’t like that Hans has talked about Matteo to Andi and allows him to be so forward and aggressively sexual with someone who is very obviously not willing to be out.  I know Hans is trying to be there for Matteo and to encourage him to accept himself (I think it’s pretty clear that he knows or thinks Matteo likes guys).  But this is a party with all of Matteo’s friends.  What did they think would happen?  Why did they think he’d react in any way other than the one he does?  Hans looks confused when Matteo pushes away and leaves, but why?  This behaviour is entirely consistent with everything we know of his character. That it ends in an actual panic attack makes it all much more sad and difficult to watch.  Honestly, outing people when they’re not ready is not cool and Hans should know this.

The panic attack itself is so well done.  There’s no dialogue and yet we can see very obviously how Matteo is feeling and just how ‘normal’ this is to him.  He has a set of behaviours that he follows to try to take the edge off.  He throws things (this is his go-to when he’s stressed and he does it a LOT), he tries weed and he finally tries music and sitting by himself, cuddling a cushion for comfort.  I know a million people have discussed this at length, but I don’t think we can speak about this clip without at least touching on it.  Everything about it is done so well and it all combines to allow Matteo’s feelings to shine through.  I love that it’s allowed to happen at a party and that we see very clearly how these things can be overwhelming for characters.  I won’t go on anymore, but it’s just great and the acting is so perfect.  I genuinely think this small part of this clip is probably my favourite acting out of everything in this show.

And then of course we have the stuff after everyone else has left.  Again, a million people have discussed this in a million ways, but I love how this scene again shows how easily they get each other, how good they are at communicating with each other and how quickly they get on the same page.  Matteo has no trouble at all saying what he thinks and pressing for information.  This parallels Sara in some ways - she is like this with Matteo, making her wants and needs clear and putting herself on the line.  Again, this is all very good set up for later on when Matteo finally finds himself in her position and realises just how much his behaviour hurt her because he’s living her side.  However, unlike Matteo, David is quite clear and honest back.  And that’s why they can so quickly move into a potential kiss.  As with Matteo and Sara, there are close ups as they lean into each other, but somehow it feels like there’s more space for them to breathe here.  The camera allows them both to be in the frame naturally, whether Sara is often invading into Matteo’s shots.  Here, they’re both on board and both want it.  I like that Matteo gets a moment to be open and himself after his experience with Andi.  It must take a lot of courage to do this after he was so badly affected earlier.  Testament to David’s calming presence which reassures rather than pushes, and how honest they are with each other - there’s no way David could miss how relieved Matteo is when he finds out that Laura is David’s sister not his girlfriend.  They’re both very brave here - David for telling Matteo he looks good and Matteo for trying to take that next step even after his panic attack.   And I think that’s a nice place to leave this.  Because that’s already such a lot and this has all already been said before.  

[professorspork]

Oscar for the characterization meme if you’re still doing that? your writing of his and em’s dynamic changed my life

Multiple people requested Oscar, which made me very happy! (did I pick this one to publish because it also had a nice compliment? maybe)

When I think about Oscar, both in terms of how to capture his voice in dialogue and how to think about his perspective and personality, the keyword really is SIMPLICITY. He’s a complex kid, of course-- they all are-- but Oscar is largely straightforward and plainspoken; he doesn't beat around the bush, he asks clarifying questions when he doesn't understand things, and he's always looking for the shortest line between two points. Whereas we sometimes see Yang and Ruby clash over practical vs optimistic, Oscar seems to successfully straddle the two viewpoints: to his mind, the fastest way to solve a problem is to give everyone what they want-- and if that means they all have to give up a little of what they want, as well, that’s the bargain. (And if that sounds a lot like what I said about Jaune-- yes! Where do you think they’ve been learning it from?)

As much as I’m like OSCAR IS GOOD BOY and also I LOVE MY SMOL BEAN, it’s worth deconstructing his veneer of Sweet Boy Here a little bit. It's not that Oscar's not kind and gentle, because he is those things, and it's not that he's not genuine, because he’s very much that too. And after Ozpin, those seem magnified! But I think the thing we're all really picking up on, that seems to amplify the rest, is that after having to deal with OZPIN, KING OF SECRETS, Oscar being forthright and candid and honest makes him seem like an absolute saint. Which-- of course Oscar is a good person, but I think a lot of people maybe miss just how mercenary his logic can be, because it's masked by the other stuff. 

Like, not to compare everything to Steven Universe, but. When Oscar's on the whale and he and Ozpin jinx on “Salem’s been sabotaging us from the inside out, maybe we should do the same,” the plan is not to love Hazel into submission and show him how to be a good person by example, like Steven and the Diamonds. It’s literally to do sabotage. That he’s able to pick up Emerald along the way is a wonderful bonus, but he wasn’t trying to win hearts-- he was trying to sway minds long enough to survive. What makes him OSCAR and not Ozpin (or Cinder, for that matter) is that he does it by telling the truth. It doesn’t feel manipulative when all he’s doing is saying facts, but that just shows how effective it can be as a tactic: taking Occam’s Razor and cutting someone with it. But the thing about dropping truth bombs is that they have collateral damage; Oscar was team “let’s just tell Ironwood the truth” from the start, and he ended up getting shot about it. Oscar’s commitment to sincerity (and, related, his truly next level ability to not hold grudges, which I guess is a coping strategy you have to make peace with when you’re permanent mental roommates with the ancient old man eating your soul and there’s nothing you can do about it) make him a really excellent negotiator and a very necessary position as the team’s moral conscience. But it doesn’t come cheap; there’s always a cost.

Oscar is also fiercely stubborn (“I don’t mind if I get the shit beat out of me, as long as I’m ME when it happens”) and understandably preoccupied with his own identity and sense of self; for all that he can break things down to their basic components for other people, there’s an awful lot of detours and logic loops he’s willing to take on his own behalf if it means avoiding a brain switch. But he’s not all that self-conscious, or worried about embarrassing himself-- he’s got bigger problems than that, and he knows it. It’s easy to be fearless when you’re living immersed in the constant existential dread of like. The slow motion body horror he’s living. 

but also... he’s a smol bean and my good boy and im luff him.

[insomniac-dot-ink]

Books I’ve Read in 2020

AHello! I’m trying to read as many books as I can during the quarantine, here’s what I’ve finished so far:

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (literary fiction): a son writes a letter about his life to his illiterate mother. Breathtakingly beautiful with it’s way with words this book is lovely and real in the hardest and sweetest ways. The author’s combination of prose and poetry is dazzling and intricate, this book has stuck with me for days afterward. 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (fantasy): a money-lender gets in trouble after bragging she can turn silver into gold and is kidnapped and ordered to do so by a fey creature. It may be that I am the perfect audience for this type of book, but it’s my favorite thing I’ve read all year. It’s a book that equally takes on the fantastical and real-world with compelling female characters at the center of the whole thing. A wonderful fantasy journey inspired by eastern-European Jewish folklore. 5 out of 5 stars.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll (horror graphic novel): a series of short horror comics. Absolutely bone-chilling! This was a really fun type of scary story, especially the last one which made my skin absolutely crawl. Deliciously eerie, this was treat to read if not a little too short. 4 out of 5 stars.

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender (magical realism): a young girl can taste other people’s emotions in their cooking and begins to understand her family in new ways. This was a weird book, but it has everything you’ve got to love about that combination of the surreal and mundane. It’s sense of character was electrifying and I had fun engaging with this type of off-kilter real world. I was a little frustrated in parts bc of some characters choices, but that too was true to life. 4 out of 5 stars.

Crier’s War by Nina Varela (steampunk fantasy wlw): about a Made automaton heir to a throne and her human hand-maiden that is trying to kill her. This was an easy read with a lot of tension between the two main characters that I liked, but the writing itself was very weak. There was waaay too much exposition in parts and the dialogue had some really hockey lines. I enjoyed the twists and turns in the middle of the book, but the beginning and end didn’t have much movement. 2.5 stars out of 5.

The Huntress by Kate Quinn (historical fiction): honestly, I’m a little disappointed. This book just did not hit my sweet spots, it wasn’t fast-paced enough for me to get immersed in the plot, and the characters weren’t real enough to be wholly invested in them. That said I adored Nina Markova and the Night Witches, so that did help. 3 starts out of 5.

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White (horror sci-fi retelling): HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND. A retelling of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein from the perspective of Victor Frankenstein’s wife and my God! The characters! The plot was well-enough, but the characters took the whole show for being complex and compelling. The main character was breathtakingly layered and I was wholly invested in Elizabeth and her story and the triumph at the end of this story was tangible. 4 out of 5 stars! 

Uprooted by Naomi Novik (fantasy): A story of a young woman who lives in a valley where a girl must go live with a wizard for 10 years. She is certain she won’t be chosen, but ends up having to be “uprooted” herself. I enjoyed most of this book! However, I think I liked “Spinning Silver” a lot more just because the ending of this one somehow lost me. The characters were good and plot compelling, but (SPOILERS) the big battle at the end seemed to drag and didn’t interest me somehow. 3.8 out of 5 stars.

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fantasy): excellent read! A story of a young woman in Jazz Age Mexico who goes on an adventure with a Mayan death God who is trying to regain his throne. A romp across the country absolutely brimming with likable characters and fairy tale twists. My only complaint would be that most of it felt a little predictable due to the fact we knew where we were going throughout the whole story, However, it was still greatly enjoyable for the heroine herself, Casiopea. 4 out of 5 stars!

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng (literary): a story of two families in a progressive “planned” community, how their lives intertwine, their secrets, and a central question surrounding motherhood. Deeply empathetic to its characters and introspective, this is an every-day story of people in suburbia that reads like a thriller. I could barely put it down and felt deeply for its characters and situations, 5 out of 5 stars!

Wilder Girls by Rory Power (YA sci-fi suspense): a story of a group of girls at a boarding school on an island affected by the “tox” which alters their bodies in strange ways like giving them scales or an extra spine. This was an eerie, interesting read with a wlw romance! Watch out for the body horror in this one, but it was very gripping and held my interest. Some of the pacing was off in places (like the romance), but had a very creepy atmosphere that did it for me. 3.8 out of 5 stars!

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (thriller-mystery): A thriller about a group of Shakespeare actors in their last year of college and one of their classmates who turns up dead. I enjoyed the murder mystery part of this novel more than I expected despite the fact I had guessed who had “done it” pretty early on. I really enjoyed the James-Oliver dynamic with its growing homoeroticism, but I didn’t like how the character of Meredith was handled at all. She felt like a one-note aside. I might have given this book four stars, but the ending was EXTREMELY frustrating for me and I did not like the “open-ended” conclusion. 3 out of 5 stars.

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): a weird character-driven comedy about an old grumpy man and a new family that moves in next to him. Warning for themes of suicide. Anyway, I don’t normally indulge in cliches like “I laughed, I cried, I loved one Cat Annoyance.” However, that’s exactly what I did. I laughed out loud, I cried my eyes out (THE CAT’S HEAD WAS IN HIS PALM), I loved this book. It was sweet and compelling and thoroughly immersive. 5 out of 5 stars!

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow (historical fantasy): set in the early 1900s comes a story of a young girl and her experience with “Doors” that lead to different worlds. This book had a lot of great character development and really interesting descriptions, however, I didn’t like it as much as I wanted to. I found it hard to get myself to sit down a read it. There was just something missing with the push to “page-turn,” but it was still a really good book. 3.7 out of 5 stars!

Gideon the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (high fantasy, kinda gay): I AM FILLED WITH EMOTIONS. This was book was definitely a page-turner. I was very confused with it at the beginning, but the characters and their interactions were, forgive the expression, the life blood of the story and kept me wholly invested. The ending has CRUSHED my heart, but damn did I have a good time reading it. 4.5 out of 5 stars!

Harrow the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (sequel to Gideon the 9th): I really enjoyed this book. It was just as strange and twisting as the first book, though I think I enjoyed the first one a bit more since I love Gideon. It was fun ride overall, though the ending was kind of really confusing. So 4 out of 5 stars.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (historical fiction): Overall, I really enjoyed this book! The writing style was personable and grounded in reality. I found myself really liking the main characters and the exploration of the life of a bi main character was really well done I thought. A solid book with drama and glamor to boot. 4.6 out of 5 stars!

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah (historical fiction): A story of two sisters during WWII and their resistance to Nazi occupation. To be honest, this book wasn’t my cup of tea. It was compelling, but also wholly depressing and I felt like gloried in the pain of the two main characters too much. The history was wonderful and realistic, but it didn’t make me feel anything good afterward. It was just dark. 3 out of 5 stars.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (mlm romance): I finally finished this after the heaviness of The Nightingale. This is a story of the First Son of the USA falling for the prince of England. And it turned out to be a very fun and light hearted read! Some of it was kinda generic and too political, and it coulda been shorter, but I thought the romance itself made up for it. It just made me feel so sweet and lovely inside. 4 out of 5 stars!

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): I’m searching out heartfelt books and this one ticked off all the marks on my “sweet” list. A lovely book that made me cry more times than I would like to admit. Compassionate beyond belief, funny and heartfelt. I think I enjoyed A Man Called Ove slightly more, but this book was also dear to me and something I hope to reread in the future. 4.2 out of 5 stars!

Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel (sci-fi): A post-apocalyptical story about a group of traveling Shakespeare actors and a symphony. Overall, an excellent read that somehow pictures a more realistic or even softer version of the apocalypse. At first, I wasn't happy with the jumping around of the story, but as I progressed I grew fonder and fonder of the interwoven characters and their journey. A very fascinating read about a world that hits a little too close to home. The appreciation of the arts and preserving humanity was somehow very hopeful and I was fully engaged with this story. 5 out of 5 Stars!

Up next: The Hidden Life of Trees by by Peter Wohlleben (nonfiction science), The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin (urban fantasy), The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (fantasy)

[bitch-butter]

Directors cut thing on my story 😘

oh my god...🖤 you mean this story??

~ so much rambling down below ~

o b v i the inception for it was All You talking about myriad activities involving fingers, as one does, but my first instinct is always to take it to a place of webgott because they effectively live inside of me like my head is an apple and they're a worm slowly eating me alive. but the idea was also Very much suited to The AU, and I hadn't written any baberoe since down comes the night, so I took the plunge so to speak.

the thing about writing them in down comes the night is it was still sort of challenging, even though they're barely in it, because I find people either travel blind when it comes to baberoe or they show up with Many expectations, and I'm not really very good at writing to what people necessarily expect because I'm an insufferable contrarian at heart. so what I love the most about The AU is getting to come to a ship that (though I don't Know them as well as I know webgott) I think I'm pretty familiar with, but get to see them as somewhat removed from the expectations I was holding myself to writing them in another fic. that isn't to say it was Easy bc it was not, partially because it was a prompt from a friend, but also because their dynamic was incredibly new so I literally did some stretches (i.e. notes/exercises) and limbered up enough to try and get my hands on them, which was helped along by...

Sometimes when they’re together it’s like his head takes his heart by both shoulders and shakes his entire spirit back and forth yelling: you’re going too fast, you’re going too fucking fast. It can be a helpful brace, that little bit of bone-rattling doubt. Not of Babe. Never. Fucking again, he’s going too fast. He can’t help it that he’s never felt this for anyone else before, this weightless, incandescent, homecoming feeling he gets when he catches sight of Babe’s hair, a flick of his wrist like blades in the light, his smile, his smile, and all that lives inside of it. Maybe they’re going fast emotionally, but that should be allowed, shouldn’t it? If two guys move faster than the speed of light emotionally with each other but nobody is around to hear it does it make a sound? That second drink might have been a mistake.

the fact that Gene had a really accessible energy to me. dropping into him in a sense I got a lot of tension, but not any sort of rigidity, which created a really interesting tightrope of emotion that he moved across. because I hadn't worked with them really I could have chosen either of them, but I was drawn to the idea that both Babe and Gene are already fully immersed in not just the idea of each other but in realizing the sort of capital r Relationship they want with each other, and yet I got the sense that Gene was more push and pull about it solely because up until this point he hadn't had that kind of attraction to someone before. I see him in many combinations of humans but none really containing much substance, so to then be in a position where he's having Real feelings of connection, partnership, affection etc. it is understandably a little foreign to him. so there's that constant Yes No Yes No with him, because he's head over ass but he's flexing a completely new muscle for himself that he kind of needed Babe to bring out to begin with.

(a mentioned but unexplored tension at play is also the tension of Ari energy and Taylor energy, as they are both intensely powerful but they each trade and pass between each other in their themes, especially at the time the fic takes place, and I think that element adds to a specific rhythm.)

which obviously isn't to say there's any less happening internally with Babe, because he's having a battle of his own on the inside, but the sort of slow reveal of how they work and the story of the night I thought had a little more vicarious pleasure when taken in on the side of a guy who really would have just been happy to have a cocktail and spoon that night.

“Just surprised. Surprised at both of us.” Babe looked back to him with a gentle furrow in his brow. “Why surprised?” “I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before,” Gene admitted, searching down through his own life, sex dotted all through it like stars in the sky, fucking legion, and tries to think of anything that can match what he and Babe have had in their beginning. “Never had to.” Mouth bunching at one corner, Babe took the words in with a slow nod. “I don’t think anyone has ever let me say it before, so.” It makes him pull Babe in close, leaning down so he can wrap his arms over his shoulders and kiss into the red shine of his hair in the dim kitchen light. “At least we’re in this together, huh?”

at least in my mind Babe entered into the night Knowing what he wanted to ask for, so everything on his side is leading up to the conversation they ultimately have. and on the surface obviously it's Just a conversation about phalanges but Because they've been taking things incredibly slow it's a statement for him to turn around and say he's going to take it there. which is a favorite trope of mine, I admit, when a truth gets brazenly spoken after being denied/rejected for so long, so obvi I had to shoehorn it here a little bit. because, again, Babe hasn't had a Relationship of this manner before, and has had a past where he was pretty disrespected and not really seen as being a Whole Person (as opposed to a Hole Person lol). so now being in a position with Gene where he's being recognized as a human with singular wants and needs and he's actually experiencing being Heard, it allows him the mobility to control the speed of their intimacy in a way. though it is mutual, I think Gene gives a lot of the power over to Babe at least in this way because not only are they still learning each other but he sees something in Babe's strength and his openness that is sort of humbling to him. so it made the most sense to me that not only should it be Gene's pov but Babe should be the one to ask.

you know I loved writing it, I love talking about it, and now I love writing baberoe (particularly spooky baberoe 🌙🖤)

(also, a Lot of this was written in my journal by the pool because I will admit you caught me at a vulnerable moment on vaca so I just spent days at the beach writing and it was truly heaven, I wrote most of this, I wrote the end of Rivers, I wrote like three prompts, I think I'm supposed to just live on vacation. so this fic is married in my mind to being incredibly relaxed, and feeling dreamy and warm and free of stress lol)

thx babe ~

[rose-sereniteeth]

[2] Night water conspiracies and a warm milk with honey

(HOLY SHIT I’M WHIPPED)

[Sereniverse]: [2]

Pairing: Mingyu x reader

Word count: 1.7k

Genre/warnings: idol!au, technically poly!seventeen, crack, smut, language, oral (f receiving), fingering, being a bit too whipped for people.. a bit of fluff in the end

Summary: the one where you wake up in the middle of the night, meet a sleepy Mingyu in the kitchen and try to figure out why the water tastes so good

A/N: I love Mingyu. ....

...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH :3

...

You had been living with them for almost two months now. About five weeks after you had moved in, some events had occurred that led to three hours of you getting used by Hoshi, Joshua and Jeonghan in the sweetest ways you could imagine and the boys hadn't stopped teasing you about that night ever since.

They had heard all the sweet noises the three men had pulled from your lips and had gotten really riled up by it. Most of them could control themselves though, even though they had all dreamed about touching and tasting you one way or another. Not that you would have minded.

But not Mingyu. 

He had voiced his yearning for you that night and despite the fact that you had almost been passed out in Joshua's arms, you had still heard and understood his complaints about missing out on you.

Needless to say that you were extremely flustered around the boys all the time, especially Mingyu, after that. 

They looked at you differently now. Could also be that you only noticed it now though. 

Mingyu could control himself for exactly two days before he approached you. You were standing in the kitchen, getting a 3 am glass of water because you had woken up for some reason. You thought that nightly water always tasted better than water during the day and you wondered what they did to the pipes at night to make it this great as you took a sip from your glass. 

You were so immersed in your night-water-conspiracies that you didn't hear him enter the room so you jumped when Mingyu pulled you into a tight back hug, his hands snaking around your waist to your belly, resting his chin on your head. 

"G'night, stinky." He greeted you. You rolled your eyes, answering "Hey, dipshit." Calling each other names came to be your dynamic over the past weeks and you found it really fun. 

His body was warm against your back, his breath slow and his heartbeat calm. You could tell from his low rumbly voice that he was pretty tired and could only have woken up minutes ago. "You tired, big bear? Can't sleep?" you asked. He made some grumbly sound before answering "Mmh no, I mean.. ugh-". You giggled "So you are tired. Too tired to talk, it seems." "Mhm, seems like it." He mumbled. "Should I get you back to bed? Do you want a cup of warm milk with honey, to help you get to sleep?" You questioned. 

"I'd rather have you, honey. Get you to my bed..." He grumbled lowly, lips right next to your ear now. You choked on your water. Mingyu loosened his grip around you to let you cough and you turned around in his arms hesitantly once you were done dying. 

He just grinned down at you lazily before carefully taking your face into his left hand, his right staying at your hip. You could feel your face flush, it must have been red like a tomato. He let out a small chuckle as he bent down slightly and caught your lips with his gently. 

You were pretty sure that you stopped breathing for a bit, but soon enough you found yourself kissing him back. The kiss was genuine, filled with way more than just sexual desire and you were melting into him like warm wax. Your arms were wrapped around his broad neck when he started deepening the kiss, exploring your mouth with his tongue. 

He had wanted to do this for so long and it was even more heavenly than he had anticipated. 

The rapper moved his hands to tap at the backs of your thighs. You took this as a hint to jump and straddle his hips to hold yourself up. It wasn't an invitation but rather a command in the way that he was holding you. Maybe it was the night water but you couldn't find the strength to not follow his order to have a little fun, as you usually would have done. His lips had something addicting about them and after he had hinted at his intentions, you could feel neediness pool between your legs. You definitely wanted more.

His large hands at your thighs, he carried you to his room easily, his lips never leaving yours. He dropped you onto his bed, hovering over you. When you pulled apart to breathe you remembered something "What about your honey milk?" He scoffed "Who cares about that? The only thing I want on my lips right now is you." He added, his face so close to yours that you could feel his heavy breath on your lips. 

With that he connected his lips with yours again, pushing slightly so you would lean back and lay down. When you were laying flat on your back, him towering over you, he started trailing his lips to your jaw and neck, pulling the sweetest breathy moans and gasps from you.

Your legs wrapped around Mingyu's waist and your hands went under his shirt, traveling across his carved torso. His skin was so soft under your fingertips and you couldn't wait to see him. He chuckled when you started tugging at his shirt. "So eager, little bunny. No patience." You could feel his grin on your lips when you opened your eyes to make puppy-eyes at him. "Please?" 

His grin widened into a shining smile as he slightly pulled away from you. Just enough to take off his shirt. When Mingyu caught you staring at his toned chest he slowly straightened his back, looking down at you a little bit too confident. "Like what you see, Bunny?"

You just continued looking, mumbling something absentmindedly as you stared at his toned torso. You were certain that he was shining. His skin so smooth and soft, his light muscles casting beautiful shadows over it in the dim light of his bedside lamp. He chuckled yet again before he bent down to you, letting his shirt fall wherever. 

Your lips were on his in an instant as it was his turn now to rid you off your shirt. When it was done his lips attacked your neck again, his teeth nipping the skin as he started sucking on it slightly. You let out a grasp that earned you a small sound from deep within his chest. 

Your legs were between his now while he was holding himself up on his hands and knees and you thought you would try to tease him a bit. You angled your leg slightly, pressing your thigh to his crotch, where you could feel his hard member straining against the confines of his slacks. He let out a low moan, having to pause marking your skin. It took him a second to catch himself again but when he did, he looked at you with hooded eyes. The sound of him and his look shot arousal straight to your core and if you weren't wet already, you would definitely have been now..

You breathed his name automatically. It was a plea for him to start touching you and he immediately listened. He pulled your sleep shorts and underwear away in one swift motion and didn't lose time kneeling before the bed and diving between your thighs. His strong hands grabbed your hips and pulled you towards him. You felt his hot tongue lick a long stripe over Your heat and moaned his name before you had had enough time to process what he was doing. 

Your hands went straight for his hair, tangling your fingers in the strands and pulling slightly from time to time. Mingyu made out with your flower furiously. He was so immersed in your scent and taste and the way you felt that he didn't know anything but you in the moment. 

After a short while he added a finger, playing at your entrance first before he slowly pushed it in. Though the stretch was not a lot, it made your eyes roll back and a series of moans and pleas leave your lips. 

You pulled at Mingyu's hair roughly when he added a second finger and started scissoring his digits inside you, stretching you out more. The sudden harsh tug made him growl at your core, sending vibrations through your whole body that made you clench around his fingers and he chuckled at your body's reaction to him.

“P-please.. Mingyu…” It came out more like a breath than real words, but he heard it, detaching himself from you and pulling his fingers out immediately as he looked at you with blown out pupils. “What is it?” he asked curiously but out of breath. You didn’t hesitate, answering him “Please, need you inside me, Mingyu.” You knew what would come next, judging from the smirk that played across his rosy lips. “And don’t you dare tell me that you already were!” “Or what?” You shook your head. “Just fucking kiss me already.” You said, leaning forward and reaching out for him to pull him towards you.

He smiled into the kiss as he rose from his knees, taking off his sweats and underwear in the process. He swiftly grabbed a condom from his bedside drawer and you watched him as he opened it with his teeth, looking up at him with hooded eyes.

///

You slept like a baby in his warm embrace after you two were done and only awoke in the later morning hours to two voices in the room. 

" -lucky beanpole-ass lookin'.." You couldn't identify the voice in your half-sleepy state. "Shut up Jihoon, she's still sleeping, idiot." Mingyu whisper-shouted, holding you tighter to his chest. "And at least I'm not some tiny-ass smurf-gnome kinda abomination, asshole! Now fuck off and close the door. I'll make you even shorter, if you wake her up." He added, fake aggression evident in his tone. Jihoon went to close the door, not without mumbling a "Geez Rambo, chill your enormous breadstick ass down man.." more to himself than to Mingyu. 

You fell back asleep for a few more hours shortly after that, snuggling into the big boy a bit more.

[evilwickedme]

ok so to sum up my feelings for leverage: redemption, season 1(a): (long post warning, there’s a tl;dr at the end)

I knew that Hardison wouldn’t be in most of the season due to Aldis Hodge being a busy bee nowadays, but I didn’t realize that meant he’d only be around for the first two episodes. He was sorely missed, not only because of my attachment to him, but also because he’s usually the grounding factor in the group dynamic, and his role as info guy and tech guy was split evenly between two characters who had their own issues.

That said, Hardison is absolutely a highlight of the two episodes he’s in. his speech about redemption was everything I could’ve hoped for (plus, more evidence for the Jewish!Hardison pile...). I wish we’d gotten to see more of his dynamic with Breanna because what we saw was funny and sweet and we don’t generally get to see Hardison taking care of somebody who so desperately needs taking care of. I hope that Aldis Hodge is around for more episodes in 1(b), because what we’re left with feels a little hollow.

Sticking to original leverage characters for now, for the most part the leverage crew still felt true to the original series as characters, even if the show itself was a little bit confused at times. The actors understand their characters and embody them so well that I think one could give them the trashiest script ever and they’d still sell it. Sophie is a particular focus in 1(a) because of Nate’s death, and she’s particularly well written as a result.

That said, I’m super bitter that we saw little to no mastermind!Parker. Parker’s character being given the mastermind role was a big deal and it feels like they’re walking it back because they feel uncomfortable with it. It is eventually given an in-text excuse, but literally in the last episode, and it was not a particularly convincing reason, and in fact contradicted moments from previous episodes (Sophie leaving for a client meeting and ignoring Parker in ep3 comes to mind). It’s frustrating, it makes the end of the original leverage feel pointless, and letting Parker make a decision once in a while is not the same thing at all. The original series repeatedly showed us that while everyone in the team had their strengths, Parker works problems and solves them in unique, interesting ways, and other characters’ days in the limelight tended to be comedic or even failures. It’s a broken promise, and a pretty major broken promise at that.

On a more positive note, Parker’s dynamic with literally everyone was fantastic. She’s possibly the best written character this season. They’ve taken the autism out of the subtext and into the text (although obviously still undiagnosed), and given her coping mechanisms that were taken seriously in the text even when they were played for laughs, which I appreciated. Her attempts to mentor Breanna were sweet, her friendship with Sophie was electric and at times (CRIMES) hilarious, and as usual, she has a fantastic dynamic with Eliot that makes my heart burst. If you don’t think they’re romantically involved, at least acknowledge there’s a life partnership here. They’ve spent the last decade together.

(We’ll get to Harry.)

Eliot isn’t given much arc-wise, which is frustrating since he’s my favorite. He’s being presented as the goal at the end of a redemption arc, ie to keep working at it every day until your soul heals or whatever, and it doesn’t reflect the message they’re trying to convey via Hardison’s speech and our two new characters. He’s got his moments, but I think they under utilized his potential.

Breanna!!! Breanna’s my new favorite, except for Eliot. She’s hilarious, she’s insecure, she’s nerdy and excited in a way that’s similar to Hardison but still distinct in its inherent teenage-girl-ness and I LOVE IT. Unlike the previous series, where Hardison’s “age of the geek” was often a joke played on Hardison, we’re at the point where Eliot and Parker are both right there with him, and so they accept and even appreciate Breanna’s nerdiness. Also, canon gay character? In YOUR Leverage? It’s more likely than you think.

(No, I never thought they’d make ot3 canon on screen. I hoped, but I didn’t think it would actually happen.)

I think Breanna’s the character that will be the most interesting to see grow. She’s got a lot of potential and a list of crimes a mile long (or more). I adore her with all my heart. I want to see her tiktok account.

Harry. Oh, Harry.

It took me a while, but I do like Harry. It took a while, because the narrative positioned him at the same level as Nate back in episode 1 of original Leverage. But in episode 1 we didn’t know the other characters. We had Nate as the POV character, and so we cared about him because we were seeing the world through his eyes. (This is TV Studies 101. I know this, because I took TV Studies 101 in 2019.) In Leverage: Redemption, we no longer have a POV character, for several reasons:

Nate, previously the POV character, is dead.

As it is, by mid-season 3 of leverage Nate was no longer a POV character. This is, coincidentally, the point where the leverage writers realized they had four other characters in the main cast they could do something with, and in-universe, Nate accepted that he was a thief, not a special Good Man.

Sophie is sort of a POV character for the first episode of the revival, but only for the first few minutes. Afterwards, the series settles into the groove of seasons 3-5, i.e., the entire crew is our POV. We know our crew, and we love them as is.

Narratively, however, Redemption insists on positing Harry as the POV character, because it is his redemption we are pursuing most vehemently. And I think they really relied on us already knowing the actor - I’ve never seen him in anything before, so to me he was a completely fresh face and they put almost no effort into selling him to me. Beyond being competent and consistently mildly baffled by the antics of the leverage crew, I honestly don’t know who this man is by the end of EIGHT episodes with him. I have a much better handle on Breanna by the end of 1(a), and I can tell you I knew all five of the original leverage crew better by the end of the first episode of the original series than I do Harry. What’s the name of his daughter, John Rogers. Is he still married. How old is the daughter. Why is none of this worth mentioning. Give him a sense of humor that isn’t reacting to other people’s shenanigans. I’m so frustrated. It’s bad writing.

I did manage to grow to like Harry by the end, but I’m pretty sure this is down to Noah Wyle’s charismatic portrayal of an under-developed character, at least partially. And I never stopped being frustrated at not knowing who this man is at all.

The two highlights of the season are undoubtedly episodes five and six. Episode five was the first time I felt like the episode was more than a collection of good moments between the main cast and mediocre moments between the main cast and also the main plot. The issues with pacing and tone that I suffered through for most of the season were mostly non-existent in ep5 and 6, and at least in episode 5 I attribute that to the pared down cast. They had time to focus not only on our actual characters - Sophie, Parker, Breanna - but also on the case. This is the only client from 1(a) I am going to remember next week without googling it first, mark my words.

Episode six worked for the exact opposite reason - it completely disregarded the client and plot and immersed itself in the characters. Breanna gets a moment to shine, but everybody else gets their bits and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the script that was most fun to write. The characters felt natural, real, and captured the found-family dynamic that’s been missing all season for the first time.

While episode 2 is the weakest episode, I don’t actually have much to say about it. I am disappointed in episode 8. For a mid-season finale, I really expected them to do something. Instead, it was an episode about Nate Ford that copped out of being about Nate Ford (both with fake-Nate and with the new version of him being relayed to us). I would have told the writers to give that energy back to episode 1 and write an episode that’s about anybody who isn’t Harry, oh my God. I know I said I grew to like him but so many episodes were about Harry. He’s the newbie! Why didn’t Hardison get an episode that was actually about him, considering he was only around for two episodes? Why does Eliot have to be the butt of the joke when the theme of the series should directly tie back to him in a much more meaningful way? The last episode parodies their own tagline by saying Eliot isn’t just a hitter, but it deftly avoids noticing that they’ve turned him into nothing more than very muscly comic relief, including in that very episode!

Also, I hated the Marshal. Eliot actively looked uncomfortable around her.

tl;dr

The season took a while, that’s definitely true. But it did find its footing eventually, and by the halfway mark of 1(a) it finally felt cohesive again. The characters were played fantastically even when they weren’t well-written, and if nothing else, the humor landed every time. It still has its kinks and problems to work out, but if you look at it as a brand new show rather than a continuation of one that went off the air over eight years ago, it’s actually doing rather well. I’m choosing to judge it in both lights - according to its own standards, it establishes its identity in episode five; according to Leverage standards, it establishes its connection to its roots in episode six. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed 1(a), and continue to have high hopes for 1(b).

fic writing will commence in three, two, one...

[pridewhatpride]

omg pls talk more about GX rival shipping once the transfer students come

Dear anon, I love you for asking this of me, but I have to wonder if you want everyone who follows me to start hating me.

Long post coming up? You know it. I apologise to all Johan fans, he's great and I loved him and his deck as a child. Now I'm just salty because he's too perfect. Warning because this is a mess of unrequited feelings and it's an all around bad time if you ship anything in gx. I did mention I do not practice self care in a previous post of mine. Enjoy your pain c:

So here are my bad takes of the day, under the very handy cut!

You see, gx rivalshipping becomes a lot more complicated and angsty when the transfer students arrive. The dynamic changes. If there is a dynamic at all. I mean, imagine yourself in Manjoume's shoes. You've lowkey had a crush on this dumb guy who kind of ruined your life (but actually improved it and freed you from the restraints your family imposed on you), just to watch a handsome scandinavian dude who is a lot more muscular than you are and maybe a little bit nicer, maybe just waltz in and completely captivate said dumb guy's attention. Just when you had managed to admit your own feelings to yourself.

Johan comes in and steals the room, everybody loves him, he's good looking, charismatic, kind and has a magical exclusive shiny sparkling deck at his disposal that he uses as if it was the most natural thing in the world, like he hadn't received approval Pegasus himself on top of the duel spirits. And Judai clearly can't get enough of it, because he's always seeking him out, ever since the duel they had in front of everyone, and Manjoume finds that he's really annoyed by it. He wishes he'd been chosen for the demonstration, deluding himself into believing that if he'd won, Judai would have never started caring so damn much about Johan. But a part of him knows he would have probably lost and that even if he hadn't, Judai would have not cared about the outcome at all. It's nice to think that winning a card game can solve all your problems, but, while Manjoume has only ever experienced how much losing one can mess with your life goals, he isn't stupid enough to think that winning would grant him happiness. Not anymore. No well-thought-out strategy can rid him of his bad temper and his worthless pride.

The thing is, he can't really hate Johan, because nobody can hate Johan. He's just the perfect picture of everything Manjoume isn't and, going by everyone's reaction, the fact that 'everyone is unique in their own way and worthy of love' is absolute bullshit. There clearly is an objective better one of the two and Manjoume is very aware that he isn't it. And he'd probably begrundgingly be cool with it, after all he'd accepted that Jaden was braver than him, that Asuka was emotionally stronger and more resolute, that Daichi was smarter, not to mention how much plain better than him his fomer upperclassmen were. Forget about pros like Edo, whom Judai had stood on equal grounds with. But Judai is clearly playing favourites, too, hell, he hardly even acknowledges Manjoume.

He finds himself forcibly removed from his already shaky position as rival, because now Johan is there to take it up, on top of the titles of 'best friend' and 'emotional support and crutch' and 'maybe something else I'd really rather not know'.

Manjoume just generally hates it all. He might have changed and improved himself, but there is no saving him from the fact that some people were just better. That doesn't stop him from trying. But again he finds himself pitted against Judai, the irony of his fate never giving him a moment to rest. Manipulated and turned into the enemy of those he cares about, again.

A part of him despises how good it feels to learn that Johan has gone missing, but Judai is screaming like his arms have been torn off and while he hates that it's all for Johan, he hates that Judai is in pain even more. Judai had saved him before and it's only right for him to return the favour. So he insists on helping him on his stupidly risky plan to save Johan. And it's all to get the old Judai back.

...The rest, from Manjoume's perspective is a mess. His feelings of anger stem from the hatred he harbours towards himself and the bond between Judai and Johan. He'd been trying to help, he had, he sincerely had, but everything just swirled together and the next thing he knows is that he is shouting at Judai because it suddenly made sense to guilt trip him over the fact that he'd abandoned his friends, he'd abandoned him as soon as someone better had come into the picture. And it was Judai's fault for letting them- him believe that he cared when he didn't, when he couldn't have cared less, because clearly he had one priority only and that was Johan. They had come to help and it still wasn't being appreciated.

Disappearing is a relief, for a moment, but then he finds himself in another hellish place and he can't help but think that it's retribution for being so upset over something that has nothing to do with him. That's right. It's his own fault for making Judai, his only real friend (aside from Fubuki, sorry for breaking the immersion, but I love Fubuki), carry the burden of the stupid hopes that came with his feelings. Judai has no fault. Johan has no fault. It's his own for desiring something that would always be out of reach.

As he is tortured by his own thoughts and regrets in the other dimension, Manjoume silently wishes his words meant nothing to Judai, that he'd be spared the pain of betrayal. He wishes Judai can achieve his goal.

When Shou appears to him, he knows there is no time to waste. If he is alive, the others are, too. Judai would want to know that they are safe. So he asks Shou to carry his message, along with his good luck wish. He hopes it's enough to make up for his mistakes.

Next thing he knows, they are back at DA, Judai is nowhere to be seen. Manjoume mourns the loss of his first and only friend and curses himself for tarnishing that memory. (Judai's return and season 4 would be too much to cover, this was only Manjoume's pov and I might as well just rewrite the entire show at this point.)

So what about Judai?

I personally want to believe that he genuinely does like Manjoume at some point. But as much as it pains me to admit it, season 3 just wrote Manjoume off from the list of main characters and relegated him to 'he's your funny comic relief, nobody really gives a shit about what he thinks or feels, so why should you, the spectator who has grown to love him, care at all? Also here's his sticker that confirms that Judai going after Johan makes him really angry for some reason, make of that what you will c:' (fuck the writing staff, I'm not even sorry).

Judai is so clearly smitten with Johan. It seems to me that his refusal to accept Manjoume's help that one time on the cliff shows that Judai doesn't really understand the way Jun operates. He probably labeled him as just someone else who counted on him to be saved. And sure, Manjoume is saved by Judai in multiple occasions, but he doesn't ever really... ask for it? Or more importantly expect it. He doesn't get himself into situations he can't handle because Judai can save him anyways, the trouble just kind of happens at him and more often than not he's only involved by accident, because he happens to be close to Judai.

The problem still stands, as season 3 starts, Judai is very much burdened by everyone's expectations and Johan is a breath of fresh air and the only one Judai actually considers a friend and an equal. It's heartbreaking that he felt that alone.

They get their gay 'have we met somewhere before moment', they duel gaily, they homoerotically tell eachother how admirable the other is, they shamelessly flirt and whoohoo Judai has an unofficial boyfriend and who can blame him for concentrating on him along with wanting to escape the pressure his former gang unknowingly laid on him.

But yeah, Judai in season 3 has a one track mind and it's hard not to see it as romantic. Does he know it is? Maybe? I honestly don't know. I feel like Johan is the one of the two who is aware of the implications of their interactions. Which also kind of brings me to say... does Johan think that all of Judai's friends are horrible people? Because he never once comments on how Judai distances himself from them once he arrives. He probably thinks they were never good friends in the first place.

Judai probably excuses his attentions towards Johan with the fact that they are alike because they can see spirits, but then he rememebers that so can Manjoume and maybe he feels guilty for a second, but Johan cracks a joke and Judai laughs and thinks to himself that Manjoume is probably happy to have the peace and quiet he so often claimed to want.

Like... I think a part of him would get that tightness in his chest because it's like he's betrayed someone, but he knows he hasn't, because there isn't any actual mutual agreement he's going against. So he lets himself fall deeper into the comfort of Johan's presence. Johan is, to Judai, the ideal person. He is exactly who Judai wants to become. Judai admires him very deeply and strives to be more like him, but he falls gradually into despair as he learns, once Johan is gone, that no, he can't be like him, because Johan is so much better than him, and if he doesn't get him back soon he might even forget what he was like in the first place. Johan can't be erased, can't be forgotten. And Judai feels like he's vanishing already, so he throws himself into a wild interdimensional manhunt to save his hopes for the future.

Turns out that wanting to do good doens't always result in a good outcome. That's what Judai learns when Manjoume lashes out at him just seconds before disappearing. Along with the others, too. Judai doesn't even have the brain power to compute that some people are still there, that he can still save someone, because he realised then that he had focused so much on Johan that he'd completely overlooked the fact that while his friends relied on him a little too much, they hadn't meant any harm. And if he'd just told them, maybe they would have been fine, they could've cooperated- but Manjoume had told him that he was a traitor, that he'd doomed them with his irrational behaviour.

Manjoume's last words to him had been spoken with hatred and Judai realised only then that he had misread him entirely. He lets despair and self hatred take over as he realises that if he had managed to hurt the ones he cared about so easily, discarding them for the new good thing, he could just keep doing that. And it would stop hurting, eventually.

I like to think that Manjoume really does have an impact on the awakening of the Supreme King. Yeah, I know he only turns once Johan's death is mentioned, I know. I just suffer from abandonment issues and can't stand that Manjoume dying in front of him is more impactful to Judai than a guy who literally can't be trusted saying "Joke's on you, the one you're looking for is in another castle already dead."

So yeah. That's the angsty overview.

TL;DR Johan is an Adonis, Judai is smitten and Manjoume is very very heartbroken. But actually so is Judai. Because while being with Johan feels right, there's someone whose absence feels wrong, but he doesn't allow himself to dwell on it and everything goes to shit. All around a bad time for everyone and they'll have a lot of talking to do once they properly reconcile after graduation.