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youalexturnermeon · 3 years

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Hi! Hope you're well 😊

Can I request a Cobra Kai Johnny imagine? Its Johnny patching up the reader, maybe after a fight with Kreese or something like that? Thank you 😁

Request: see above

A/N: I decided to leave Kreese out of it because even the littlest thought of this man gives me high blood pressure. Also this has gotten very long but I tried to warn that the topic of being patched up by Johnny has been living in my head rentfree for a while. That’s why I got carried away. Enjoy your daily dose of one shot.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence, alcohol angst and fluff

Wordcount: 2078 (oopsies)

Johnny was your neighbour, you moved in, right next door, a couple of months ago. So far, nothing more nothing less. Except the fact that you had the biggest crush on him, and he wasn’t that opposed to you either. Especially when he took his time got ready to go after his Karate classes when the Yoga group arrived to which he sublet his dojo and he stayed behind, sitting in his office, door open watching you, bent over, doing the most complicated figures ha had ever seen. Johnny thought Yoga was the biggest bullshit on earth, fuck Namaste and such, but when you were doing it right in front his thirsty eyes, he didn’t even need TV. He thought you were super-hot. The problem was that he was much older than you. And besides your Yoga passion and your joint love for beer that you sometimes had together, sitting on the ground in front of the apartment complex, he knew almost nothing about you. He wished he did, even more when you once caught him eyeing you doing the Downward Dog on the mat and instead of giving him the finger for being a creep you winked at him and grinned. That made him crazy. But he was too afraid to make a move, because, let’s be honest, you were young, you were beautiful, you were extremely hot – what the fuck should you do with an old man like him, to begin with. Johnny thought, you could have anyone you wanted, someone younger, taller, fitter, more buff than him.

Right now, Johnny was sitting on the ground in front of his apartment, a beer in his hand, a couple of spear ones just in case, thinking about the last time you sat here next to him, hoping you would come out your door or back from work joining him, just to talk and to drink. A few weeks ago, around that time, you just finished work, you were tired and angry in desperate need of a drink, you sat down to him and you shared that you were a barista at Starbucks, how much you hated some customers, how years ago you moved here to go to college and how you dropped out of it three years later, simple small talk getting superficially deeper with an increased number of beers. These were little things, but Johnny was longing for more of those, sitting waiting for this occasion to repeat itself. He wanted to know everything about you and unlike with other people he wanted to share his life with you, too.

After some time, Johnny, realizing how desperate and stupid he was, now acting like a teenager again, suddenly saw your silhouette in the dark, coming closer. His excitement grew, his heart started beating faster and as much as he hated it, his palms became all sweaty. He wated to jump up, run towards you, but he pulled himself together and just sat still, focusing on a little bug crawling on the ground, not daring to look up again

“Hi, Johnny” you said, sounding exhausted, when you finally approached him and heavily sat down, opening a beer without asking. Johnny was about to greet you back when he looked up from his stupid little insect friend, as he saw your roughed-up condition. His excitement vanished and glanced at you in utter horror. Your long (Y/H/C) hair was all messy, the collar of what has once been a shirt was ripped and hung loosely down your shoulder and when he inspected your face, he gulped. Right on your perfect cheekbone was a fresh bleeding wound surrounded by a huge flowering purple bruise. Your pretty face now twisted to a grimace from pain.

“Jesus Christ, (Y/N), what happened to you?” he asked perplexed, examining your whole body for other injuries he might’ve still not noticed yet.

You shook your head and grinned, “Nothing special, ran into my ex who was the reason I moved to the other side of town, he found out where I was working and decided to pick me up, apparently. He insists I still owe him money, which I don’t. And when I told him this we got into a little fight.”

“Did he do this to you?” Johnny pointed at your face and your now rugged shirt, him voice was filled with fury, he was right about to jump up and hunt that motherfucker down.

“Yeah, but you should’ve seen him when I was finished with him.”

Johnny was surprised how easily you took a big fat black eye, not voicing your pain, laughing away the fight with your ex.

“I kicked his ass!”

Johnny looked at your hands, eyes narrowed. And indeed, all signs showed him that you were able to fight back. Carefully he took your hand in his, making sure he would not hurt you anymore and pulled it closer to his face. Your knuckles were just as the right side of your face, bloody and bruised. You shivered under his touch but for the first time in what seemed to you like forever since you bumped into your ex, you felt your body relaxing. The tension in your shoulders vanishing just because Johnny held your hand in yours so softly. His own were rough from all the training but it felt so good.

“I’m no little bitch, I took a few boxing lessons when I was a teenager” you explained, “When he pulled my shirt, I slapped him, when he started hitting me, I started hitting him back hard, I still got it, then I kicked him in the nuts and managed to run away”

“I’m so, so, so happy to hear to nothing worse happened to you. Next time you see that jerk, you call me, okay? Or when you are afraid to go home by yourself, call me and I pick you up, I bring you home. When I ever see your ex somewhere near here or you, I’m gonna make sure, he’s never gonna touch you or come near you ever again. I’ll even kill that motherfucker for you!”

You laughed and looked into his piercing blue eyes who still showed so much worry and you knew, he was being dead serious.

“Thank you, Johnny!” you whispered, your hand still in his and yet you couldn’t help yourself to make a joke because you could not bear being too serious about your situation right now. You were not used to someone care about you too much.

“But do you think you could manage? Would you be able to kick his ass?” “Is me being a sensei at the dojo you do your stupid yoga in a joke to you, (Y/N)” Johnny said protectively but he too, was glad you could joke right now.

“That stupid yoga you always check my ass out thinking you’re so hidden in your office?”

“Well…” Johnny scratched his head and looked into the air thinking of an even pettier response than yours, but he couldn’t think of any “You got me there”

“I’m actually flattered” you admitted. Until now you weren’t so sure it was you, he was watching so closely.

“Great, now you only have to admit that you are checking me out as well when you’re done with Yoga and I’m leading a class.” You shrugged, “I sometimes do, I love myself a good-looking man who is great with shitty children” Johnny taking another sip of his beer almost choked on it. He was not expecting THAT.

“Alright, good to have this one settled” he said trying to play it cool “Now let’s go patch you up a little”

Without any hesitation or even backtalk which Johnny actually was expecting to get, you followed him and into his apartment. He sat you down on the couch with a new beer in your hand and disappeared into his bedroom.

“Are there any other injuries I should know about?” he yelled whilst rummaging in every cupboard.

“Well, besides my depression, I guess the bastard also managed to kick me in the ribs. Some ice would be great”

Johnny wasn’t even sure he had a first-aid kit somewhere, he wasn’t even sure he ever owned one. Ice would also be a problem, but he thought, a bag of frozen peas or a steak would do, too. After a little search he finally stood with a clean towel, a bottle of vodka and some band aids in front of you again. Firstly, he gave you the peas.

“Show me your ribs” he commanded, and you lifted your ripped shirt. Your complete left side was crowned by an even bigger and darker bruise than the one on your face. He was concerned and hoped nothing was broken and yet he almost shivered seeing your bare skin. To him, you were the most beautiful thing in the whole world right now, even with your beaten face.

“Looks bad” he said and sighed as he sat down next to you and watched you putting the bag of frozen vegetables on your ribs, you hissed.

“It’s nothing. They’re not broken. Broken ribs hurt like hell and this is really nothing compared to that.” Johnny lifted his eyebrows in question.

“I broke my ribs a couple of times” “So you’re a tough cookie?” “You’re not the only tough guy on the block, sensei. I’m not a pussy.” you laughed and friendly nudged him with your elbow. He loved when you called him sensei. And he was excited about the fact that your language was so similar to his. He started to like you even more than he already did.

“Aright, alright. If this is nothing, let’s take care of your face then.”

He turned to you, in his hand the towel now soaked in vodka. He cleaned the crusted blood from your knuckles first. Then, he took a deep breath, he carefully started dabbing the cut on your face. You clenched your teeth but didn’t make a sound.

“Good girl” he said, “No bitching or moaning, that’s good!”

You just watched his face, being just inches away from your own. You saw his concern; you saw that he cared, and your heart started pounding. Your glance followed his toned arms, eyeing his muscles, tensing under his motions. And when you looked at his eyes you saw that they were the bluest blue you have ever seen; you were about to pass out. He was so concentrated; he didn’t even notice you staring at him like a crazy person falling in love. It was only, when he finished sticking the band aid to your face, he realized you looked him straight in the eyes.

He said nothing, you two were just stuck in this moment, sitting on the couch, so close your legs touched, looking at each other, your face so close to him, he felt your hot breath. And then, something in him snapped. He wanted to kiss you!

“I’m gonna kiss you now, (Y/N)!”, he immediately voiced his thought and stroked your unharmed cheek, not asking for permission, just announcing what he was about to do.

“Yeah?” you managed to breath out almost completely silent. And the answer crushed promptly down on you. You closed your eyes and instantly felt soft lips on yours. Johnny, your neighbour Johnny, the Johnny who was so much older than you, the Johnny who you were crushing on since the moment he helped carry your boxes, was finally kissing you. The bag of peas slipped out of your hands and you let them rest on his thighs. Johnny was pulling you closer to his chest until there wasn’t any space left between you two. He was urging and yet so gentle, doing everything to not hurt you. He caressed your back, his left hand dug into your messy hair giving it a slight tug, but not once did his lips leave yours. After what seemed an eternity and yet just a second, he let go of you and pressed his forehead onto yours, out of breath, smiling because he just couldn’t keep himself from not doing it. You joined him.

“You’re gonna go out with me some time now, right?”, he asked laughing in disbelief of his own courage and what it have brought him. Now this question seemed so easy.

“Yeah, pick me up after my yoga lesson tomorrow” you giggled, “Maybe you’ll get another look at my ass”

“You bet!”

#johnny lawrence #johnny lawrence x reader #johnny lawrence imagine #johnny lawrence fluff #cobra kai imagine #cobra kai one shot #cobra kai #fluff #karate kid #karate kid imagine

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tae-cup · 4 years

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.hamartia. ‘Part 2,

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (f) x Taehyung (?)

Genre: Mafia!Au, Fluff, Angst (Mostly angst oopsies) I DO NOT CONDONE BEHAVIOR DISPLAYED IN THIS, PLEASE IT’S FICTION AND DON’T DO STUPID THINGS THANK YOU

Plot: Y/N is a skilled, well, torturer, though you don’t like to call yourself that; it makes what you do too real. When mafia boss Yoongi wants information or wants a hostage to suffer, you step in. However, one fateful day you are thrown Taehyung, another person who does your line of work. You need answers, he is determined not to give them to you. That’s when you try...a different approach, and Yoongi is not pleased.

Rating: TV-MA

WARNINGS: YO IF YOU’RE NOT COOL WITH SUBTLE BI AGENDAS THEN I’M SORRY THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR YOU, Blood, torture, mafia things (ya know?), drugs alcohol, sadistic tendencies, a fundamentally flawed main character (I’m sorry i’m just writing myself pretty much), assault, harassment, stalking (not bad), romance (somehow), Maybe stockholm syndrome???

Word Count: 2.2k Words

A/N: Okay I need to make up my mind if this is yoongi x reader x taehyung x jimin or just taehyung and yoongi. Please help me- also I haven’t read this over so...I’m sorry if some sentences like don’t make sense

I’ve had Heather by Conan Gray stuck in my head all day. Anyway...I’m not sure if I like this chapter, but it’ll do haha

Other:

Masterlist

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Next

self·ish/ˈselfiSH/

adjective

(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

You took a deep breath in.

“Okay, Y/N, you’re going to try Jimin’s approach, just this once.” You muttered to yourself. You searched around your mind, begging that innocent girl from a year ago to come out. You found her hiding in the closet, door shut, and light off. Her eyes were dark, but her body still radiated a pure glow. She looked up hopefully at you.

“I always knew you’d come back!” She squealed.

“right...” You spoke to yourself. Then you scolded yourself, promising you’ll lock her away for good once this is over. For the last time, you handed her the reigns.

Your hand opened the door quietly. You still had yet to apologize to Jimin, but you decided to get to that later. Of course, when you looked up at Taehyung, he was already awake. Did this man ever sleep? It was still rather early in the morning; around 4 A.M.

“Hello!” You chirped. You sat down, trying to make conversation. “Are you hurt? Do you ache?” You asked, taking on the caring tactic in full force. You had tugged along a first aid kit to really help solidify trust.

He didn’t answer, of course. But instead of getting annoyed, you simply smiled warmly at him.

“It’s okay! Take you’re time. I understand this is all pretty crazy.” You continued, hoping he would see you trying to be genuine. However, trying will never be the same as actually doing it. The dark haired male looked...confused, to say the least. His head tilted to the side, observing you, picking apart your words and trying to understand where this sudden kindness was coming from. There were a million red flags, but you didn’t seem to want to harm him...yet.

“I see there’s a pretty bad bruised.” You pointed towards his cheek.

He didn’t respond, then going on to drink in your outfit. With that, he let his lips tug up into a smile. That outfit gave him hope, it made him start believing you weren’t there to hurt him after all. After a moment of thinking, he nodded slowly.

“Yeah,” His voice was deep and smooth, almost melodic. It soothed you to listen to. “Your friend decided to give me a nice wake up.”

“Ah, I’ll tell him to stop that. I apologize for yesterday. I had been informed of your arrival so suddenly. I was,” You hesitated, searching for the right words. “I was nervous, a little frazzled.” You sat very innocently, unlike yesterday. He felt he could trust you as you were right now, but it was still terrifying to know that girl yesterday still existed within you.

“I also think...I think the rope is too tight.” He mused, seeing how far he could push it. This didn’t faze you. You simply nodded, stood, and, almost hesitantly oddly enough, went to loosen his ropes. After you had sufficiently loosened the bindings, he grasped your wrist tightly.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked.

“I had a moment of clarity, yesterday.” You explained lamely.

“Hmph.”

“Why do you trust me?” You cocked an eyebrow up, your face somehow shifting to allude to the monster below. It was to your surprise when he chuckled.

“Your outfit.” He said slowly. If there was anything he learned in his short time being in this room, it was that black was for blood. Leather meant blood and gray meant bruises. “Your outfit is white.” He breathed. His words were light against your neck where you had crouched to loosen his ropes. How did he know about your outfit coordination? You assumed he was very observant.

You stared at him this time. He was almost devastatingly handsome. Dark eyes and pitch black hair. It made your heart flutter. You quickly put your beating heart into check. Monsters don’t have hearts. You stood, tearing your wrist away from his grasp.

“Well, I’ll try to make you comfortable.” You said quickly. You wanted to leave the room as soon as possible. Something about being near him made you feel ill.

“If you really wanted me to feel comfortable, you’d let me out.”

“You know I can’t do that.” You whispered more to yourself than anything else. You knew he heard it when he let out a little sigh, tossing his head to the side to move his bangs.

You left in a hurry, feeling him stare at your back.

Yoongi didn’t seem pleased.

“Please, Y/L/N, tell me why you let Jimin talk you into this idea.” He sighed. He looked exhausted, but he always did. You found yourself wondering if he had eaten and slept well. You shooed those thoughts away, not wanting them to distract you.

“Oh drop the formalities, Yoongi.” You sneered. Yoongi didn’t respond, but his eyes did narrow at yours. You didn’t feel intimidated. You knew that look, you’d seen it a million times.

After a brief pause, you continued, “I felt...I felt bad for something I said to him earlier. I thought I could give it a try, but it’s harder to build trust than I thought.” You trailed off, thinking to yourself: It’s so much easier to just break it.

He nodded slowly, listening to your explanation. The pale man sat in his leather chair. He was a laid back sort of man. One leg was crossed over the other as he leaned back lazily. A drink of whiskey was in his hand. He swirled the brown liquid around in the glass before setting it down. Now he leaned forward, seeming to ponder the idea.

“I think it might work, actually.” He wasn’t entirely sure, but he liked watching you squirm.

“Really?”

“Is there something wrong with trying a new tactic? Your job is to get information, I never said how.”

This was the sort of argument often used in the other direction; the argument that allowed you to do whatever twisted thing came to mind.

“But, Yoongi,” You pleaded. “I’m not cut out for this. I was just not made to love.” You looked down at your twiddling thumbs, feeling yourself turn back into that little girl from a year ago. You hated her. You should have just put her back in that closet, but here she was, popping out to say hello again. “You should know that better than anyone else, Yoongi.” Your voice was soft, but it held a certain steel to it.

He softened instantly. That voice was all too familiar; that tone.

“Y/N.” He cleared his throat before looking you deep in the eyes. “Every human being is made to love.” He turned around, facing the windows at the end of the office. “Sometimes, you just don’t know how to.” His mind was slowly getting lost in grief. He was grieving you, us, together. “Dismissed.” He couldn’t help feeling a pang of jealousy at the thought of you being close to another man other than Jimin. He had to let it go though, you guys were over and you have been for a few months. Besides, you never showed any signs of liking him still so he had to let go of you a little.

You didn’t even bother trying to argue. You could sense he had become distracted, lost in thought. You were glad for the dismissal as you could feel yourself getting lost as well.

“Oh god, please, no.” The young girl shook like a leaf. She looked to only be a year or so younger than you. “Please, you don’t have to do this.”

The sound of a gun cocking shut her up. Hesitation flickered through you. You thought of your own family, now dead, and your own morality. Ever since coming to the mafia, you had refused to hurt anyone. Now you were being forced to. It was your humanity, your sanity, V.S. a new found family known as the mafia.

In contrast to her sister, the girl who was actually in danger, Hwayeong, stood absolutely still. You didn’t plan on humiliating her. You just wanted the job done and over with. She was directly involved in the murder of Yoongi’s father. It seemed insane, but she did have nerves of steel, despite her angelic face. You swallowed thickly, your mouth suddenly feeling very dry.

“I know you’re scared.” Hwayeong had a soothing voice, like a calm lake that washes over you. “And I know you were forced into this life, but you can change.” She didn’t sound fearful, though you knew she must be. “I’d welcome you with open arms.” She didn’t sound concerned or even pitying, she just sounded genuine. The dark haired girl sounded understanding and compassionate.

“I have to do this job.” You said quietly, gun still pointed at her, but now shaking. Hwayeong seemed to understand because she nodded her head, stepping forward. She grabbed the gun’s end and moved your arm so it pointed at her forehead. Her eyes stared into yours, pools of obsidian.

“Then do it. I have nothing left to bargain and I’m not going to deny the killing of that cruel man.” She held her head high. She seemed a proud woman. “But for the love of god, stop shaking, I want the shot to be clean and the death soon and blessed.”

You couldn’t help but gape at her request. She wrapped her slender fingers around yours on the handle.

“Shoot me.” She didn’t break eye contact, and you didn’t either. “Shoot me and we’ll all call it a suicide. I know how it feels to be in your position.” That raised a million questions. Was this the right choice?

“I-” The bang of the gun shocked you. You jumped, stumbling back a few steps as you stared at the body before you. You had held the gun. She had pulled the trigger. While her family screamed and sobbed, tied up and terrified, you ran outside and heaved the contents of lunch onto the lawn out front. You brought your sleeve up and wiped away the food around your mouth. Then you went back inside.

The house felt so small now. It was almost suffocating as you untied the family members. They stood in silence. You picked up the gun and slowly rose. You looked each member in their eyes, barely acknowledging their hollowness.

“This was a suicide.” You nodded at each of them. They nodded slowly back. “If I hear otherwise, you’re all dead.” And that was the last straw. The last humanity left in you. Those obsidian black eyes still burned into you.

Unlike last night, you jerked awake with this one, your heart racing. Why now? Why were you reliving these painful memories now? For the past few months it’s been so easy to just push and push the memories deep down. You had locked them in your basement. So how had they flooded back up so suddenly. They were suffocating you.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You reached out for someone to hug, someone to hold, only to find no one. Instead, you curled up, squeezing your eyes shut as tight as possible. You weakly hit your head with a fist as if to release these memories. You let your mind to turn to something else. The reality of the dream slowly slipped away. Her eyes left your mind temporarily; it was something you had sworn you’d never forget.

Fuck. You still needed to apologize to Jimin. He would probably be upset to know that you didn’t even notice that he wasn’t there all day. But the point was that you thought of him now. Only now did you realize how much you missed his company.

He would have known what to say to Taehyung to get him to talk more. Jimin, yes, helped you get information, but he was also a silver tongue. He could talk his way into and out of most things. That’s how he was “hired” for this mafia. He actually had been kidnapped, much like Taehyung. But, he managed to talk the, much more naive at the time, interrogator to move him upstairs. Then he talked them into letting him borrow a car. By the time he could escape, he knew too much and he knew the other members too well. He didn’t want to leave them.

You suddenly felt very sympathetic for him. Maybe it was because the old you had the reigns. So now here you were, standing outside his room, lost in thought. You didn’t even knock when he opened the door.

“I suspected you would come.” He scoffed, trying to look indifferent. You didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence as you engulfed him in a hug.

“I’m sorry, about everything.”

He carefully hugged you back, hands going to your neck to pull you in closer. “I know.” He whispered.

ahhhhhh that’s it for part 2, I’ll make part 3 soon! Let me know what you

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#bts #yoongi #taehyung #bts mafia #taehyung mafia #yoongi mafia #taehyung x reader #yoongi x reader #bts x reader #fluff #angst #hamartia

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

Text

Top 10 Regular Show Episodes

Close Enough is Close! 2 more days and a show i’ve waited without hyperbole years for will finally land offically. While i’ve seen three episodes preelease, one because of a french film festival the other two because HBO made an oopsie, and it’s more than likely i’ll be seeing those episodes again thursday, it dosen’t make it any less special, as with an offical release comes the fandom finally becoming a thing and the ablility to watch the episodes over and over again.. on computer till HBO gets it’s shit together but still. IT’s a great time. And my hype for the show made me revisit it’s big brother: Regular Show. Created by what would happen if you condesned california into a person, JG Quintel, Regular Show, as you all damn well know but I like doing anyway so as rigby would say, STOP TALKING, was about two slackers and best bros: Laidback hipster and hurricane when it came to talking to women, Mordecai and Rigby a high strung, idiotic, impulsive, and frequently angry racoon who worked, when they absolutley had to, at a park. Joining them at the park were their coworkers and later closest friends: Benson, their constnatly angry boss who constnatly belts out empty threats to fire them and has a rather sad personal life, Skips, a centuries old yeti whose literally seen it all and despenses advice for the duo and is voiced by everyone’s faviorite grandpa/jedi/murder clown Mark Hamill, Muscle Man, a grotesque blob of a man who likes “My mom” jokes and breaking things, Hi Five Ghost, Muscle Man’s sidekick who got like.. one episode focusing on him alone over 8 seasons moving on, and Pops, an odd but unfailingly sweet and kind vicotrian era gentleman whose also basically immortal and is Bensons’ boss in name only. The Park Crew spend their days working, or in our main duo’s case trying to get out of work to do anything else, while dealing with every day issues that would quickly ballon into insanity. Getting pops a birthday present of Fuzzy Dice from a local pizza place ended up with the crew having to fight a bunch of anamatonic animals that were stashing diamonds in there. Trying to get concert tickets involved getting caffine from the nipples of a giant sentient coffee bean in order to stay awake long enough to do the extra work. And Mordecai trying to delete an embrarassing message off his crush Margret’s voice mail lead to him and rigby getting hauled in front of a bunch of a message guardians, one of which is a sentient smoke signal that wanted to burn them while the other replied with “we’ree not going to burn them when have we ever burned anybody”... I love and miss those guys. Oh and it’s resolved by having to playt he embarassing song he sang while said message beings groove to it then ask him to colaberate with them on their album. THis show was on all the drugs and I am all the hear for it. I could go all day obviously but this section is long enough as is, let’s move on.

Regular Show came at JUST the right time for Cartoon Netowork: Similar to how the 80s doom patrol comic started off really bland and cookie cutter and not at all doom patrol and then grant morrison came in, had hte previous writer kill almost everything, then rebuilt it from scratch with crazy, CN had few shows left and was coming off a really terrible attempt at competeing with NIck and Disney Channel’s live action dommance with a bunch of dude broy reality shows and other ill conceved ideas. The network had a few shows, Total Drama, The Clone Wars which got better and I need to watch those better seasons at some point, but they weren’t enough to make the network thrive again. SO enter adventure time and regular show: BOth were creative, funny , a bit rough around the ages, and kind of nuts, but both were massive hits: The shows hit almost every demographics sweet spots: Kids like the bright colors, fun designs, and insanity, teens loved the edgy bits of the humor and also the insanity and 20 somethings and older both found refrences they got and loved, and well.. insanity. I mean being fucking nuts but also wonderful is kind of the watchword for most animation nowadays. While in the past in my own head i’ve played down Regular Show’s part in things, after all it came second and had a rough patch I told myself.. but I was wrong. Both shows had a lot of the same elements; insane stuff, great voice acting and good humor especially as they evolved.. but both also evolved in largely the same way and that way helped change animation for the next decade: Both, despite being comeidies, regular show keeping to it a bit more than adventure time did as they evolved, had the characters grow, something a lot of animated comedies didn’t do as much ast the time, even the good ones. THey had season long arcs, things that are now standard features in most cartoons for good reason were MADE standard by these shows. It’s just regular show’s legacy got diluted by shows that TRIED to copy it but both failed to see that it grew past season one or that it’s being okay for kids but really based in adult life and problems meant copycats like fanboy and chum chum, sanjay and craig and breadwinners, all thankfully long dead, eventually sputtered out and died. That and Nick is REALLY shitty at maintaing shows or treating creators with anything resembling respect. Somehow Teen Titans Go is still alive despite having similar failings but you can’t win everything. It didn’t help gravity falls came along right after and proceded to be even more influentail than both of these shows. Hmmm I just realized I haven’t done any gravity falls reviews here.. I gotta get on that. But while the show got eclipsed in quality and popularity I do still think it holds up for the most part as funny, charming and with , for the most part, good character arcs, it’s just that a bit of incosntientcy, some abrubtly done actions and a REALLY fucking terrible arc in season 6 dull the show a bit in comparison to what came after, but I do realize now it’s still worht watching, remembering and laughing at. It may of not been the greatest, but damn it was good. So with my nostaliga for the show popping up, my faith in it restored, and it’s sucessor showing up in a few days, I decided to do a little something for the ocassion. I WAS going to do a full on review, but had troulbe finding an episode as some of my faviorites are part of a larger arc that was hurt by a later arc, and the show ping ponged between slice of life and utter insanity enought hat it was hard to peg down to jus tone or two episodes. So while I WILL review the show eventually, it has both good and bad episodes needing it, I decided instead to dig out something I hadn’t done in far too long: a top whatver lists! Now while I do get these things are clickbaity, because they are, I.. honestly just love making them. Even if i’ts not for any specific purpose I just love ranking, the stress, even if I normally hate stress given my anxiety, of trying to narrow them down, and the satisfaction of taking a ton of episodes and melting htem down into the best of them. And with a show as long and varied as regular show, If igured this was the best way to show it off before I dived into it eventually. I’ll obviously be doing more top, and bottom lists in the future, but for now this seemd like a godo place to get back to it. As Now a few more things before we finally get started. Yes I know i’ve gone on for a few years now but i’m almost done. This list is obviously, my opinon. If you disagree fine, and feel free to comment or shoot me an ask about it but I stand by my list and what I choose. I had to boil down over 60 episodes I picked to possibly be on the list and even after it was down to 40 cuts were really difficult, .. Also just as a quick note there are no episodes from seasons 1, 6, 7 and 8, and that’s not on purpose, as the last two seasons are really good, it just fell out that way and i’m sorry about it. So with that out of the way grabs some sodas and wings, get out your maxi gloves, and bring out your best sentient earworms wearing sunglassses, after the cut I count down the top 10 Regular Show episodes. OOOOOOOOO!

10. I Like You, Hi (Season 5, Episode 26) As you’ll be able to tell by the rest of this list Season 5 is my faviorite, and it’s where I feel the series hit it’s peak before next season lead to it’s valley. It’s got a ton of great episodes, as this list will attest, some great character development, and was still really damn funny. But what put it over the top for me was the Mordecai and CJ arc. At the end of the last season as you probably know the show wrote out Margret, having her finally get into college like she’d wanted since she got an actual character back in “Camping Be Cool” instead of just being “that hot girl mordecai really likes but is too scared to persue”, and another fantastic episode we’ll be getting to, Mordecai was in position to move on. Re-Enter CJ. CJ was introduced earlier in the season 3 ep “Yes Dude Yes” which itself is really good, where Mordecai thought margret was engaged and with Rigby’s encouragment, ended up meeting CJ, stands for Cloudy Jay if your curious, a sentient cloud voiced by the wonderful LInda Cardenelli, aka wendy from gravity falls and currently co star of the equally wonderful show Dead to Me. Seriously go check it out on netflix, it’s really good. It naturally went pearshaped since Margret wasn’t engaged, he tried going out with both, she turned into a thunderstorm out of rage... as you do.. it’s like the season 6 plot but less infurating and more understandable. But the two remeet, and had a kiss on new years while not knowing it’s the other person under am ask.. and then CJ ran and both thought the other was upset: MOrdecai for him being MOrdecai, and CJ for running out on him and agreed to be friends. That didn’t last, though it did give us another classic on this list, as while exes can be friends and all, the two still had something between them. Thus came this one. And it was a hard one as it barely inched out the finale of their relationship arc, Real Date, which had the ceo of a dating company try to break them up and be really damny funny but it’s ulitmatley this one being just as hilarious while being a great character piece that gets it the rub. As the episode opens Mordecai and CJ have been spending a LOT of time together and i’ts clear there’s a spark there.. but Mordecai insists it’s platonic. And yes there is a bad habit of animation being unable to accept females and males who are into the oppistie sex can’t be friends without being attracted to each other. It’s being cleared up more lately, but as Star Vs showed it still happens sometimes. But it works here: The two STARTED with dating, made out on new years, and are attracted to each other it’s just clear both were in denial about it. It’s not saying “well they have chemstiry so fuck their partners’ like star vs or “if you loved someone once those feelings will return and destroy yoru current relationship” like next season.... season 6′s arc is a tirefire burn it. But the issue is forced when, while texting about an extreme baking show together while CJ’s at her job at a sports bar, it autocrrects from Yuji, the show’s host, to you hi, sending the title message “I like you, hi”. Mordecai, being even less adept with his feelings and anxiety towards women than me and trust me that’s saying something, spirals and we do get the episodes best scene, narrowly beating out it’s climax, where Mordecai summons a war council.. aka the rest of the main cast minus benson but plus Thomas, the intern who I wish stuck around longer even after he turned out to be a russian spy because they ran out of ideas for him, voiced by Roger Craig Smith and distractingly using his future sonic voice.

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I just.. love everything about the scnee. From the term pulling a mordecai, to Rigby joining in, deservedly as he’s had front row seats for a lot of this bollocks, to everyone’s suggestions especially Muscle Man’s half assed one that somehow, but unsuprisngly, works for him and Starla. Naturally Mordecai comes up with what Rigby HIMSELF admits is a Rigby level half assed scheme to get an actual photo with Yuji rather than just admit the truth. Yuji himself is an utter delight, having had his star not rise as fast as he’d like thanks to autocorrect and being entirely on board, and when it backfires as MOrdecai ends up autocorrected and sends the message thrice and gets sucked into the phone again, admits i’ts “pretty extreme’. I love the guy and i’m prety sure he showed up again, to my delight.

In the phone Mordecai meets some old friends, the message guardians who I mentioned in the “insane shit this show has done” bit earlier: old forms of messaging who police texting, all voiced by Rich Fulcher of the Mighty Boosh and Snuffbox Fame.

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I love Rich and wish these guys could show up in close enough. Maybe they can, I don’t know how rights issues with turner properties work when it comes to two diffrent audiences entirely. Anyways what really makes the episode, besides the great callbacks in this scene, is when confronted with everything going on, Mordecai.. tries to run into the void, with Rigby, The Message Recorder and the Smoke Signal all encouraging him to come back. “There’s nothing out there for you, literally it’s just a blank void”. With the leading tape recorder pointing out from their text history not only how great CJ is but how much he seems to like her with Mordecai finally coming back and admitting the obvious: He does like her.. he’s just scared of beefing it again. Which he does but that’s not the point. Rigby, who as part of his character development helps Mordecai quite a bit with this stuff by being a neutral party, though he also likes CJ better than Margret which is a mood even though I don’t care which one you ship mordecai with frankly, you do you, I have my prefrences. And with that Mordecai finally texts her and asks her out, with her accepting via winky face.. with an added text to clarify it for his neuotic ass.. which is also a mood as my neuortic ass could use that a lot. Overall just a wonderful , hilarious and good bit of character growth.. that season 6 throws in the oven, but that’s a long rant for another day. On it’s own, “I LIke you, hi” is a good character piece for mordecai whlie still being really damn funny.

9. Thanksgiving Special (Season 5, Episode 15)

Regular Show was really damn great at holliday specials. Their terror tales from the park every halloween were always a nice treat and a good replacement for Simpsons “Treehouse of Horror” which still exists, it’s just no one cares at this point, and their christmas and new years episodes are both really damn good, the first Christmas Episode being in contention for this list even. But to me the best of the best was easily Season 5′s thanksgiving episode.

The premise is simple: Mordecai and Rigby accidnetly destroy thanksgiving dinner, which the park crew is having for everyone and their famllies and, refusing to take Benson trying to dismiss their attempts to help fix their mistake, end up joining a songwriting contest to try and win a Turducken.. a natural one that’s born every 1000 Years because this is regular show. To do this they have to beat a parody of everyone’s least faviorite president Donald Trump, Rich Buckner. The fact that trump was basically the main villian of a holliday special a year before he became president is not lost on me and is one of the most accurate depections of the man i’ve ever seen. The fact Rich steals the prize despite our boys winning from his blimp with a grappling hook is peak trump. The fact Trump has’nt stolen more things with a grappling hook in real life is only because his hands are too small to use one.

Getting past our president for my own sanity, the episode also has really great subplots: Muscle Man and Fives go to a sports bar to get sides and end up pissing off a former football player and getting into a touchdown dance comppetition, sadly not set to the super bowl shuffle, while Benson, Pops and Skips go to get a turkey and end up fighting over it with men dressed up like a piligrim, a first thanksgiving era native american and a turkey, to which they don’t even really give an explination for.. granted most explinatoins on this show are insane but even by regular show standards, this gets none. And I love it for it. While as you can tell the episode is really damn funny, what really sells it is the emotional core: For once while they do fear for their jobs a bit Mordecai and Rigby’s main motivation in this messup is genuine guilt and wanting to fix their mistake, and they work hard at it, even giving a genuine and awesome heartfelt song that notches itself up with other thanksgiving classics “That thankstiginv themed soul sketch on snl” and adam sandler’s turkey song also from snl. Not a high bar but it’s really good regardless

The episodes’ real strength though is it’s emotional core: For once instead of saving their own asses or understadnably wanting to get one over on the cranky and in the worse written episodes obnoxiously overbearing benson, they simply feel terrible about possibly runing the meal for their arriving parents and everyone elses parents and families and their friends and work to right the wrong. It’s not the first time they worked to do something genuinely good with no benefit to themselves, but it’s probably the best and Benson’s I forgive you, while hilarious is also really sweet. And speaking of sweet

It ends on a really sweet and touching note, as Mordecai and Rigby, after escaping a blimp via a wish on a golden wishbone because of course, make it home to find the various weirdos the park crew met have brought them thanksgiving, and their parents will be there and we get a nice touching ending as the main duo get a well earned toast from Benson. Just an out and out amazing thanksgiving special and a good reminder of what the holiday means.

8. Trucker Hall of Fame (Season 3, Episode 37)

Moving on from Season 5 for a second, Season 3 was where the show really started to hit it’s stride to me. While Season 2 was a nice increase in quality from the sometimes choppy and heavy on “everyone is an asshole” comedy season 1, Season 3 was where the increased focus on the rest of the cast outside of our main duo balloned and what seeds of character were planted in season 2 beautifully bloomed. And this episode is one of the best examples of that. This one focuses on Muscle Man, who earlier on was basically the main duo’s rival alongside his buddy high five ghost, and kind of a dick. While “Kind of a dick” never left any discription of Mitch Sorenstein, this and previous episode muscle woman showed there was more to the goblin man than we thought. It’s also one of regular show’s few early mostly serious episodes and unlike the benson ones, again this list was tough don’t come at me with a machete, and realy showed why muscle man is the human tire fire he is. The episode introduces, and quickly kills off, muscle dad, mitch’s dad who gave him a love of pranks and was a truck driver who died as he live: mistaking a fake bear for a real one during a prank. Muscle Man being not the most stable person on a GOOD day, spirals, as seen above, and Benson tasks mordecai and rigby, since Fives isn’t good with death ironically and isn’t holding up much better, and as a much later episode shows the two became besties in high school so he probably knew muscle dad for a good ten years so he’s probably not in a great place either, nice stuff, to go with him to put his dad’s ashes in the trucker hall of fame. What follows is a sweet and damn sad episode. While Mitch’s frequent breakkdowns can be hilarous their also really sad and having lost my grandpa since this episode aired, I can relate to being fine one minute and a total shrieking wreck the next over the smallest thing. But it also shows that Mitch genuinely thinks of our main duo as his friends, and that beneath his testorrone positned exterior he’s a decent guy, being genuinely greatful. Of course being regular show the 3 end up squaring off with some truckers, while Mitch also grappels with the revelation his dad wasn’t one but a forklift opperator who faked being a trucker for his son’s benifit and dleft a tender note in his picture, figuring correctly his son would break it open when he found out... oh and because this show is still nuts his ghost ends up saving them at the end which is really sweet , as mitch decides trucker or no his ashes deserve to be there. Also his ghost shows up again at thanksgiving so apparently he can just come back once in a while, which is nice but dosen’t demnish the bittersweet feeling of this ep. And as I said the show has a good grasp on continuity as this ep marked a turning point for our main duo and muscle man: while the’yve bonded before after this, aside from mitch’s habit of christmas pranks and his faking his death, they really don’t nearly get as annoyed by him ever again. i’ts a sweet touching ride tha’ts uncharacristic of the show’s usual chaos but really works.

7. A Bunch of Full Grown Geese (Season 4, Episode 19) After a few episodes that were more sentimental on this list, it’s good to get back to some good old regular show madness for this one, which was also the series 100th in production order and is a worthy milestone episode. Season 4 was really good building on the good will from Season 3 and FINALLY having payoff to the margret and mordecai thing, more on that in a bit. Not as much to say as seasons 3 or 5, but it was still spectacular. The sequel to another ep, fittingly given it’s #100, full grown geese has our duo tasked with removing a bunch of obnoxious geese, with Benson in dick mode refusing to give the two more help, though it does lead to one of the show’s best scenes when he gives his usual your fried threat.. and fitting a milestone episode, Rigby calls him on never going through with it and the threat being as empty as my dreams. Benson responds by going nuts and angrishing them out of his office.. really funny. But yeah with the geese attacking them and , in their first attacking, poor pops, and no way to combat them, the two turn to the baby ducks, a bunch of baby ducks from the episode titled that who show up to help.. and this being the 100th episode of an already grant morrison level nuts show, it turns out the geese seek to conquer earth, voiced by david warner of course and have laser eyes.. and can combine. And the ducks do so again, mecha style, and add in our heroes and a bunch of call backs in one of the series best and most batshit sequences> The ending is also throughly satisfying as while our heroes win, Benson chews them out for tearing up the park in the process.. only for the ducks mom to call him out for not only yelling at the ducks, who are just kids, but at mordecai and rigby after they just saved the park from being a smoldering crater and not just trashed and he backs off. Just a fun episode where the crew just went nuts and the results speak for themselves.

6. This is My Jam (Season 2, Episode 13)

Now this one I couldn’t NOT include. This is one of the series best even after it’s immense growth, and a beloved classic for a reason. And like the above it’s a good classic case of regular show hyjinks while also being relatable this time: Rigby gets a brainless but catchy pop song from the 90′s stuck in his head and despite growing to hate it, and Mordecai hating it because this episode establishes him as a hipster, and seemingly exercises it.. only for it to manifest as a GIANT CASETTE WEARING SUNGLASSES THAT PLAYS THE SONG JUST BY EXISTING AND DANCES CONSTANTLY. it’s utterly glorious and used to great effect, also annoying benson because he’s constnatly annoyed. To beat it the main duo get the rest of the park’s help at Skips suggestion to form a band and craft an even BIGGER earworm to cast it out. Oh and there’s a great scene where Pops is forced to awkwardly dance with the incarnation of the 90′s “But I won’t use my best moves”. The climax also has one of Benson’s best moments as, after he’s irritated all episode, he comes in hot, with both the cast and audience expecting him to chew out mordecai and rigby.. only he’s mad because they forgot drums are key to an earworm and saves the day with his drumwork. It’s a great subversion and one of the first times Benson was more than just the angry but understandable, at times, dickhead boss. Just an utter standout and one of the show’s most memorable episodes for a reason. Also the line “you can’t touch music but music can touch you’ is great.

5. Meteor Moves ( Season 4, Episode 28)

This one was a long time coming and to me is a great example of writers taking their own shortcomings and making something awesome out of them. I prefer that: instead of just retconning away bad writing use it as a tool.. I try to do that myself when possible. See early in the show as you all probably know, Mordecai’s crush on Margret was just a plot device: he had a crush on the cute waitress at the coffee shop so they used it to get him to do things. A gratioutis shot of her in bike shorts got him to bet all computer rights for life that sort of thing. The show.. wasn’t great with female characters till season 3 and even as it grew, as season 6 and just.. forgetting to give CJ a proper ending as a character shows, still grappled with it. It took writer Kat Morris saying “no no stop go to jail” to them wanting ot make CJ a difficult woman type, whatever horrifying thing that is. I don’t want to know, let’s move on. The point is it wasn’t till season 3 that Margret and her best friends, and Rigby’s future wife, Eileen got fleshed out a bit: Eileen got smarter and turned out to be good at wilderness stuff while Margret was chill, nice, if annoyed by the chaos around mordecai, and funloving, while also having a clear goal in stark contrast to her future boyfriend: going to college. Even after coming back it was botha fter finsihing college and to start a career. It wasn’t incredibly deep, but it made me not be ehhh to her mere existance like before. The show also started developing her and Mordecai’s relationship seriously with the two bonding and the previously shown Butt Dial showing for the first time, after previously having a terrible taste in men and then just not noticing his crush, that she was receptive to how mordecai felt. And the two had several moments and two dates even, it just.. never went anywhere for some reason.

And this was INFURATING to me: See back then shows had a tendency to just pop in love intrests SOLEY for plot fuel like margret with no intention of following through with things either through rejection or a relationsihp upgrade and by then I was sick of it. The whole spike and rarity thing in MLP (which to be clear I wanted her to just reject him but nope, even after I stopped watching she never did. ), Isabella and Phineas. I was fed up so I went from being “eh” about it to annoyed supremely.. but the thing is the writers realized this.. and course corrected. The first step was picking up Margret, where Mordecai agrees to pick her up to get her to the airport for a college interview and we get a nice deconstruction of things as Margret is anticpatiing things going wrong, and wrongly blames Mordecai for it.. I mean it is his fault sometimes but half the time weird shit just follows him. However she’s won over by him working past it, getting her there in time and kisses him. That blew me away and made me think well it’s finally here.. and it was.. ALMOST. However the creators wisely, if frustratingly to past me, took one more episode to iron it out: Metor Moves has the two growing closer, and semi-going out, but Rigby pops mordecai’s bubble pointing out he never actually made a boyfriend girlfriend move and her move could’ve gone either way. So Mordecai , after seasons of being wishy washy and awkward, finally decides to go for it as he, rigby, eileen and margret go to a metor shower. Being Regular Show it dosen’t go as planned as his attempted kiss is blocked by the guardians of the friend zone.. which is a real, phantom zone esque place here and that’s just fantastic. And it’s also clearly mocking the hell out of the concept, which is dumb. if you want to ask someone out just do it, I learned that the hard way. And if you really are friends, if she says no then you’ll accept it and keep a friend anyway as I have. But it’s clearly parodying it and Mordecai get sreplayed all the times he ALMOST made a move but didn’t but refuses to accept this clusterfuck, realizes he was a screwup when it came to this.. and kisses her.. and this time the two enter a relationship> Granted it barely lasted but still, it was nice while it did and this ep is just great for it. While not the funniest, it’s up this high because it took somethign the show did wrong.. and turned it on it’s head and into a character flaw and had mordecai grow past it, with a genuinely romantic moment on top as well as an utterly funny and batshit concept. It also had some Rigleen, as by this point rigby stopped being a hateful wastebasket to her and warmed up to her, and I regret there’s no reigleen episodes on this list. Their the shows best couple and utterly adorable. Just wanted to mention that at least once this list.

4. Laundry Woes (Season 5, Episode 1) From the begining to the end. While sadly Morderet didn’t last too long in canon, which blows, it did give us some great episodes while it lasted, as with the above entry and their breakup in Steak Me Amedeus. As mentioned before Margret left for college, which while abrupt feeling did pave the way for great stories: The Mordejay arc mentioned above and that will pop up again very soon, This was one of them: the ep while lacking on laughs is a good emotional rollercoaster and starts with an amazing montage that catches us up from the end of season 4: Mordecai is miserable, as you’d expect and wallowing in it with Benson, of all people, letting him. And given Benson seems to have a heart attack any time Mordecai and Rigby aren’t working, that’s huge. But eventually his friends refuse to let it go on and in a really touching montage help him through it, taking him out places, giving him good times and eventually.. the fog starts to lift and he starts to enjoy himself and by the end.. he’s himself again. It’s one of the series best sequences, told with no dialouge and showing just how far the rest of the cast had come: Benson actually wants to comfort mordecai but is encouraged not to at first, underfstandably as it probably woudlnt’ help, and a crew that were once, aside from Pops who much like Krillin is everyone’s friend, just coworkers who barely tolerated each other, and are now close as family and help their own in need. But Grief isn’t a straight line and just as Mordecai’s recovering he’s sent spiraling when he finds Margret’s sweater and uses ita s a flimsy excuse to go return it. It’s here I also get to talk about Rigby, who grew from an impatient idiot who hated Mordecai’s romantic endevors and actively sabtoaged them at times, to an understandting wing man who, while understandably frustrated with his best friend’s own idiocy with women, turned out to know more and be the wise council he needed, triggering both is relationships and only bailing out during the season 6 clusterfuck and even then was there to comfort him after it was all over and go to his aid to pull him out of another misery hole. And here he gives Mordecai the hard truth: He shoudln’t do this, it’s just going to tear both him and margret up again and he just put himself back together. He’s not going to let his best friend do this to himself. And while there is a supernatural elment, the sweater comes to life and tries to get Mordecai to force margret back with him and give up college, likely voicing his darkest wants that he hates himself for wanting, but it feels more like a manfiestation of Mordecai’s own issues than the usual madness. Like “Trucker hall of Fame”, a rare senntence, it’s a less funny packed more grounded episode. And in the end it’s mordecai himself, after rejecting the ghost sweater and seeing his ex truly happy , that gets him to NOT talk to her and just.. let it go. IT’s a good emotional episode and SHOULD HAVE BEEN the end of their relationship... but i’ve ranted about the cheating storyarc enough here, moving right along.

3. Portable Toilet (Season 5, Episode 16) Back to the Mordejay arc. And yes this arc is my faviorite and while I didn’t make it clear at the time I really shipped the two, even before it became canon. I had nothing against morderet, these two simply had more chemistry and these episodes built CJ up as more of a character than Margret was at the time. It’s why that later arc sucks so much to me: it destroys a perfectly good relationship and story arc for dumb reasons and never really did enough with it to justify doing so. I’ll get to it some day, or if someone comissions it soone rthan some day, but as you can tell i’m still sore over it and great eps like this are part of the reason why. It’s the same reason i’m sore on how Tom was handled on star vs. But as you can also tell as bitter and lemon scented as I am.. these eps are still objectivley great and thus took up a third of the list basically. Case in point Portable Toilet, which zooms back a bit to when neither would admit they were into each other but were now friends at least. Also Eileen was CJ”s friend now because plot convience. I mean they worked, and it bothers me a lot that the creators claim cj washed her hands of her even though she’s not the one who made out with margret... which come to think of it adding her to rigleen.. not a bad idea. I mean Rigby didn’t really like margret true, but they did almost go out before mordecai killed him and then reset time because Mordecai’s always kinda sucked. I’ll file that away for later. But my new OTP aside, I did like the two bonding and what not. Anyways with their outside park friend/RIgby’s future girlfriend now friends with Mordeai’s future girlfriend the four have apparently been hanging out which, while i’ve bemoaned off screen stuff at times, works here and regular show uses it better than most shows. While Rigby can clearly see Mordecai and CJ are into each other Mordecai is as we covered in denial and while that dosen’t really progress here, it does lead to one of teh shows finest hours. When talking would you rathers, CJ semi-flirtly dares Mordecai to eat his lunch sandwitch in a portable toilet, which he agrees to and drags a reluctant rigby along for. This being regular show, it goes south fast as the two get stuck, with Rigby’s clautrophiba kicking in leading to an amazing exchange Mordecai; Dude that makes no sense! Rigby: You’s makes no sense! While our dynamic duo try to get mordecai and rigby out the two are carted away and repalced with a new portable toilet, a deluxe one. Also we get another great bit when our dynamic duo find Muscle man, in a robe with choclate’s claming “Eileen, other girl, this isn’t weird” before screaming “This isn’t weird”. Turns out old portable toilets are taken to be blown up by the miltary and we get one of the shows best one off characters in the general, who not only explains it as “toilets being about the same size as the enmy” but when told he should call the president says “the preseident is not my father i’ll blow up as many toilets as I want.”. Spectacular. So now it’s a scramble for one twosome to rescue the other, Rigby lets out a cathartic “THANK YOUUU MORDECAI” over the flirty toilet dare, and the day is saved> This one is another pure comedy one, even if it ties into a plot I really like, and i’ts gold for obvious reasons and manages to take blowing up porta poties, a premise that dosen’t seem that funny, and make it utter comedic gold. Speaking of pure comic episodes that are utterly insane...

2. Cool Bikes (Season 3, Episode 7)

This one feels like regular show boiled down to it’s core: semi-relabtale hyjinks dovetalling into pure madness. And the premise sounds like a shit post i’d make: Mordecai and Rigby want benson to admit their cool and get into progressively weird outfits and tricks to their bycycles to do so, eventually becoming so cool their put on trial by the council of cool , ending up having to make a runner when Benson finally breaks down and admits it. The premise is utterly stupid in the best way possible, with the conflict being the kind of petty bullshit we all get into from time to time with our aquantinces: not wanting to admit something and loose the argument withthings escalating. And in regular show terms it escalate sperfectly into the entire unvierse being threatned adn our heros being on trial for their lives. There’s not much to say here, it’s just pure comedic gold with a premise that just works. It also has good moments for Benson with his finally admitting they are cool and saving the duo’s lives whne he realized he just gave them a death sentence. Utter fun. And now we come to the finale, my faviorite episode...

1. Dodge This (Season 5, Episode 15)

Yup this arc again. But this one has more than my ship going for it, and it’s why it soared to the top: It takes the excellent character work of other episodes and weaves it with excellent comedy to create an utter delight and the episode I remember most fondly and most often. It’s just great. The second part of the Mordeijay arc, not counting yes dude yes, the episode is half that and half sports movie: The Park Guys have been taking part in dodgeball as a team bulding thing and it shows how far Benson’s come as he not only praises mordecai, and launches the mordecai and benson ship in the process, but gives his team full wings and his full support, a far cry from his usual self. It’s also the first big instance of him getting hammered on wings and it’s glorious to see drunk flirty benson. Benson is also genuinely congratulatory to the team’s ace mordecai, and most of them realy for b eing valuable and hopes to win this year. IN their way are two things: The magical elements, aka the floating baby heads that gave skips his immortality, his friend with sparkly eyes who works for them and death himself whose a recurring character and fucking great and who were their bowling rivals too. The other is CJ is back, and Benson in another good moment actually talks mordecai through it and his nerves over it assuring him. So we get a great sports piece as our heroes work through various callbacks and even beat the magical elements iwth Rigby’s hilarious and rediculous rignado manuver, which is as dumb as it sounds and winged a guy hilaroiusly before with Benson scolding him like a toddler. Of course it ends up with Mordecai and CJ against each other, both incredibly awkard over things as mentioned before, and both ending up in a stalmate that magical dodgeball guardians have to resolve because, let’s do this one last time. IT’S REGULAR SHOW. We do get a good moment though as the two work through their awkwardness: both thinking the other is rightfully mad: Mordecai for his two timer date with her and Margret and CJ for running out without talking to mordecai after they had a moment on new years. The both work past it, the park strikers loose,benson likely gets hammered again off screen.. it’s a good one and I have no shame in putting it at number one. It’s got heart, really great jokes, and some good charcter stuff, not to the level of other episodes on this list, but it wasn’t a full episode of that like those were and still works to move the plot forward and is still a classic. Just a fun, breezy, well done epsidoe fully rooted in the cast’s characters and getting laughs out of that.. mostly benson. And with that this giangantic list comes to a close> I hope you enjoyed it, if you liked it follow me for more. I’ll be doing close enough coverage every week, as well as amphibia and owl house among other reviews. Until we meet again, later days.

#regular show #mordecai #rigby #cj #eileen #margret #muscle man #benson dunwoody #high five ghost #pops mallerd #skips #death #yuji #rich fulcher #close enough #top 10 lists #cartoon network

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thismightbewynn · 5 years

Text

Wahoo, saw some of @deniigi‘s lightening prompts and the little impulse gremlin in my head yanked my chain and here we are, let’s go wahoo!!! I did go a little hamwild with it though so big oopsies there but also I regret nothing and so I will not apologize! Very long though, so I’mma slam dunk some of this under a read more.

“Foggy,” he nudged lightly. “Foggy. Foggy, Foggy.”

The accused raised his brow.

“What?”

“Take it back, Foggy.”

And back down the brow goes. Up went the corners of his lip.

“Naahhh.”

This guy. Ugh.

“You’re disgracing me, Foggy,” he said, without even a little bit of pouting. Not even draping himself over a door frame or anything. Certainly no theatrics. “Slandering my name.”

“Denial is just the beginning, Mattias Murdock,” Foggy said into his cup, as if covering his smile would work on a blind man’s perception.

“My name is not Mattias.” A pause. “And I’m not old. Take it back.”

“Okay, Matteo. I believe you.”

That wasn’t taking it back. That was active disbelief and dismissal. These were things he could not have; not on his dignity, and certainly not on what little was left of his life.

He had little life left to live, not because he was old, but because he was going to die young, burning out fast and dancing forever. Probably in the river somewhere, actually, but his poor life choices weren’t the issue here. The issue here was Foggy’s refusal to withdraw his poor opinions, despite the stellar counterpoints Matt had beautifully presented just now.

It’s whatever, though. It’s fine. If his word wasn’t enough for this argument, then he’ll just find someone else to support him. It can’t be any harder than finding a witness for court.

Spidey was doing a wonderful job. Great work, really. He didn’t know what was going on, since he came with zero context and bags of ulterior motive, but it sounded like general crime fighting with a hint of reptile. It also sounded like he was just wrapping up.

He did something that was probably a salute. He couldn’t keep track, nowadays. Spidey was constantly trying out different salutes from a list he’d compiled from all four corners of the world wide web. He was on a quest to find the ones best suited to make him look cool and respectable, he explained when Daredevil asked what all the hand waving was about. He tried out a different one every week because he was weighing the public’s reactions to them.

The public was confused but charmed by it. Matt, being part of the public by day, was not immune to this effect. Apparently nobody was.

“I love you, officer.”

He pumped his chest twice and did the salute of the week again.

“I… sure, you too.”

The officer awkwardly imitated him. Spidey’s heart beamed with joy.

“Well, I gotta go now. Take care, ¡adios!” He saluted again before he left. The officer’s responding heartbeat indicated surprise. Spidey had likely literally disappeared again.

“Why are you here?” he whispered, without really whispering at all. He was awful at it, despite attempts to teach him otherwise. He’d get the hang of it sooner or later, regardless.

“Just conducting a private survey,” he said, turning around, cane rhythmically tapping against the sidewalk.

“If this is about your costume, you look like if Shadow was designed to imitate Knuckles instead of Sonic.”

Matt had no idea what any of those words meant in that order. He made no plans to understand or pretend to understand. There were more important things at hand.

“Spider-Man,” he started. “What was your first impression of me?”

“Honestly? Cool but scary. I thought you were gonna accuse me of murder and I’d be, like, yessir that sounds about right.”

“And now?”

“Uh, can I say something first?”

“Go ahead.”

He paused in thought, carefully chewing on the offered silence that was to fuel his thought process. That was good. Thoughtfulness and honesty was important for testimonies. They were also important in general, but right now, he was looking for a testimony, so whatever.

Spidey’s heart beat steadily.

“I know it’s easier said than done, but you shouldn’t care too much about what other people think. I mean, obviously it’s important, but I think being able to back yourself up is just as important. Like, it’s great if other people believe in you, but you gotta do it too. Self esteem, you know?”

Aww.

Useless for what he came for, but.

Aww.

“That’s great,” he said. “But not what I’m looking for.”

Spidey sighed something tired.

“Well?” Matt pushed.

“Honestly, you’re a grumpy old man.”

That was worse than useless. That was actively detrimental to his case.

“Wish you weren’t grumpy, though, but maybe old people are just like that.”

Said the kid who put way too much research into salutes. And also, he’s not old. Goodbye.

“The fuck are you asking me for?”

The younger the individual, the more valuable their opinion to how old he wasn’t. If he asked someone older than him, of course they wouldn’t call him old out of bias. If he asked someone of the same age, he would sacrifice what little was left of his dignity between them. It had to be one of the wee ones.

“I’m conducting a private survey.”

Wade squinted. Matt pretended not to notice.

“I’m not asking you. I’m asking Eleanor.”

“You know everyone’s old to her, right?”

What--

How did he--

Whatever, it’s not important. His opinion doesn’t matter right now, he’s not a wee one.

“Knock yourself out, dude.”

Eleanor Camacho had too much brutal honesty in her. It was borderline rude. His heart was bruised and she didn’t even give a shit. She had an elaborate, extravagant torture system thinly disguised as a training regimen for her small brigand of action figures. Little did they know, they were not saviors, but puppets meant to wreak havoc for their small, merciless god. Anything or anyone who interrupted her was the scum of the earth, and was treated as such.

Of course her opinion was skewed. She was upset. People generally don’t say the nicest of truths when they’re upset.

This wasn’t working. He needed to find someone in a good mood.

MILES: hey, did i say something wrong??

MILES: whatever it is i’m sorry

MILES: nevermind, foggy just told me you’re having an aging crisis

MILES: good to know you’re okay though!!

MATT: I am not having an aging crisis and Foggy is a liar. And yes I am perfectly okay thank you for noticing.

MILES: don’t worry dude, you’ll get over it!

MATT: Miles I just said I’m okay.

MILES: i freak out every birthday because growing means more responsibilities, but that’s a crisis that just runs out after i have some cake

MILES: and like, you’re done growing, so that’s it! these are all the responsibilities you have and you already know how to handle them. so i guess my advice is to get some cake

MILES: or something that is not cake, i don’t know what your tastebuds like. maybe you like to eat raw fish i don’t know

MATT: Miles, I appreciate what you are saying, but that is not the problem and you are not helping.

MILES: what’s the problem then?

MILES: is it because foggy said you’re old? because i’m sorry but he’s right

MILES: actually i’m not apologizing for telling the truth. you’re old, man

MATT: I’m going to block you.

MILES: you always say that but you never do it and honestly i don’t think you know how

MILES: you know why that is? it’s because you’re old and that means you’re technologyphobic

MILES: don’t worry, peter is old too but he’s not technologyphobic because he’s a nerd. you can ask him how to block me, i won’t mind! i just hope you can figure out how to unblock me on your own lol

MILES: i won’t judge if you have to ask peter how to unblock me too, you old people gotta stick together

MILES: no response? gone to ask peter how to use the youth gadgets your old man brain cannot comprehend i see

MATT: Miles is becoming too bold for his own good.

PETER: did he call you old? That’s okay he calls me old too, it’s like the opposite of making fun of how young he is.

PETER: also i heard about your aging crisis from him and honestly? Good luck dude

That was a private survey. It was supposed to be private. He remembered saying it was a private survey.

PETER: may says that you can defeat feeling old by acknowledging that time passes and figuring out why being old feels like a personal attack to your emotional security

This was the worst. This was exactly why that survey was private. He made a silent pact to himself not to ask Miles anything ever again.

MATT: I see where Miles gets his bad influence from.

PETER: don’t blame me when miles gets all his advice from may

PETER: he says mine is faulty and full of holes which i guess is fair but like ouch you know?

MATT: No, I don’t.

MATT: Also, while I have you here, what was your first impression of me?

PETER: i’m not participating in this bye feel better soon

MATT: Peter answer the question

MATT: Peter hey

MATT: PETER

He was mourning the ongoing death of his youth and vitality.

“Are… Are you okay?”

SAM. SAMUEL. DEAREST SAMUEL BLINDSPOT CHUNG. FINALLY, A YOUTH HE CAN TRUST.

He immediately abandoned his mourning activities.

“Sam,” he said, with much urgency, leaning his weight against his palms on the desk. Sam’s spine straightened to attention.

“Yeah?”

“What was your first impression of me?”

“Uh. I don’t know, mostly just scared shitless? But also really, really excited.” A pause. “And then mostly respect after that.”

Good, good. No mention of old age.

“And now?” he continued eagerly.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh.” Sam creeped backwards. “Uhhhhhhh. You know what? I’m just gonna. Go. Think about my answer. And then come back later when I have it.”

NO. SAM. COME BACK. UGH.

Matt sunk in his chair again, stuffing his face into his desk to hide his misery from the world.

Foggy came in. Sam did a little dance with his head bouncing around behind Foggy’s back, trying to discreetly figure out what was going on. He was failing at both.

The root of the problem leaned on the doorframe. The man who watered that root was covering his smile with a mug, like it actually hid anything.

“You okay, buddy?”

“Fuck,” Matt bemoaned to the wood. “I’m old.”

"That's what this is about?" Sam muttered to himself in the background.

“If it makes you feel any better, so am I.”

It didn’t, but it would if Foggy knew how to block people.

Thanks for reading <333

Also, clarification: old age is mattphobic on account of the fact that having crunchy bones makes it hard to break other people’s not-crunchy bones. Dementia? Ain’t ever heard of her, that a new baddie or something?

Also also, I think Matty here has communication skills but like, he’s not good at using them when he’s being fueled by spite and selfish deeds or whatever lmao.

Anyways, have a good one !! (This is also on the ao3 btw, if you wanna go check that out for whatever reason)

lol (lots of love)!!!!

#wynn posts #wynn writes #fic stuffs #daredevil #matt murdock #i'mma start screaming #writing htis fic made me realize i know very little about the youngin's matt hangs around with #if he hangs out with any youngin's at all. does he?? does he really???#maybe matt has a natural anti-child repellent exuding from his pores

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vatrixsta · 5 years

Text

Pierced (2/?)

Siiiiigh all of your lovely comments on part 1 have forced me into this course I wanted to take anyway and I just hope you’re proud of yourself. Shout out to @csmarchmadness for the always handy gun to the head - all the ladies there are awesome and I enjoy stalking their conversations when I finally get online again at my obscene times of day and night. :D I’m going to try to update this with some regularity, so I hope you enjoy! And we’re off.

Also on AO3

Emma had to cancel this date that was absolutely not a date.

There was just no possible way it was a good idea, date or no date. Not only were his eyes too blue and his smile too bright and his hands too… perfect when they touched hers, but she wouldn’t even be able to ruin it quickly by sleeping with him too fast because of the fucking piercing she gave him.

She was feeding Henry an incredibly nutritious dinner of Spaghettios and carrot sticks (he was going through a phase where he hated basically everything and at least she was still getting carrot sticks past his rapidly shrinking palette) when she realized that she didn’t actually have Killian’s number and would have to figure something out tomorrow, maybe ask Ruby to run interference. Except Ruby wouldn’t, the whore, because she wanted Emma to make nice with the Sex God.

She was making sure Henry took a bath (six year old boys would pay almost any price to continue smelling like street urchins, she’d found) when it occurred to her that despite his flirtations, it was possible he didn’t intend for it to be a date. Maybe he really did just want her to design a tattoo for him and he was pleased with her professionalism and artwork. God that would be embarrassing, if she told him she couldn’t go out with him and he basically responded with, who asked you?

She was halfway through reading Henry his favorite book of fairy tales when she realized all the princes (and a few of the pirates) suddenly had blue eyes and British accents in her head and you know what, that’s enough for tonight, Henry, light’s out and I’ll see you in the morning, love bug.

She was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, when she remembered he’d had to fill out the consent form for the procedure and would have had to put his number on there. If she got to work early enough, she could go into the client files she wasn’t supposed to snoop in unless an actual emergency occurred and tell him she was dying or moving to Yemen or anything that would stop this train before it ran straight over her heart.

She was waking up with a groan and Henry’s knee connecting with her pelvis when she realized that the idea of canceling this date that was definitely, absolutely not a date actually bummed her out. It was lunch and he was nice. She could design a tattoo for him -- he’d tipped her extremely well for the piercing -- and maybe finally be able to afford that new video game console upgrade Henry had been not so subtly hinting at for Christmas, which meant there were only fifty-two more shopping days until Black Friday.

She was walking Henry to the school bus, teasing him about the crush he had on a little blonde girl his age that he swore was not a crush at all, that they were going to be best friends forever and she just wanted to kiss his his precious little cheek so she did, glad that he only scrunched his face a little in distaste, when she seriously considered that she might be losing her mind. It wasn’t normal to think about someone you’d just met this much, to obsess over a virtual stranger (if you could consider someone whose cock you’d pierced with a 12 gauge barbell a stranger) to this degree. She definitely, absolutely had to cancel.

“His paperwork? Oh, yeah, I threw it out. I was drinking coffee while I filed last night and, well. Oopsie.”

Fucking Ruby.

Sending her friend and boss a glare that clearly communicated I do not believe you, you lying whore and glaring harder when Ruby’s unrepentant grin widened, Emma left the back office area and stomped over to her station for the only therapeutic option left to her: sketching.

The small notebook she used was the ninth of its kind since she’d started working at Red, White and Tattoo. She kept them all, tucked behind her little book of cocks, as Killian had referred to it (OHMYGOD STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!!!) and filled with some sketches that had turned into elaborate pieces that decorated backs and wrists and ankles and every other body part conceivable to little half finished works she’d never fully cracked. There were also incredibly personal drawings she’d asked Ruby to ink on her own skin -- Emma had done the buttercup herself, but it was a process she’d rather not repeat.

Killian had said he’d be by to collect her at 12:30. It was currently 10:00 and Emma was praying someone would take advantage of the early bird special so she’d have something else to focus on.

After straightening up her station (twice) and sketching an elaborate oceanscape (she refused to actually color it; she knew the waves would match his eyes as well as her supplies could manage she did not need this fuckery) Emma was ready to crawl out of her skin, pissed at herself and Killian for getting her into this state. This was why she had her rules! This was why the last date she’d gone on had been a hit it and quit it one night stand with the dorky guy who’d sold them the front desk display case. That had been... three years ago? Oh, Christ. No wonder she was insane now.

Killian was thoughtfully fifteen minutes early, as he if he could sense his date was crawling out of her skin. He entered the shop with that wide, easy smile on his face and Emma forced a smile of her own that she hoped didn’t look too forced, because she didn’t want him to take her jittery mood personally even though it was 100% his fault.

Ushering them quickly out the door (she didn’t want to risk another embarrassing moment with Ruby playing the world’s most obvious matchmaker) Emma asked where they were eating.

“There’s a place I like to go, down by the water,” he said, adorably rubbing at the back of his right ear. “It’s probably the last of the nice weather for the year so I thought we could walk?”

“Sure,” Emma said, stuffing her hands in her pockets so she wouldn’t be tempted to do something stupid like reach for his.

They fell into a slightly awkward silence that actually should have been a lot more awkward, given they didn’t know each other too well.

“Robin - my partner? - he was shocked speechless I actually went through with it,” Killian said after a few quiet minutes.

“Are you following the after care instructions?” Emma said, probably a lot more sternly than was necessary.

“Yes, Mistress,” Killian teased.

Emma rolled her eyes. “You’d be surprised how many people blow it off,” she muttered. “An infected piercing is never fun. An infected genital piercing?”

“Emma, you have my word that I shall heed your every instruction,” he said, both teasing and serious at the same time. How did he do that?

They arrived at a seafood place Emma had been dying to try but always found other uses for her paycheck - luxuries like new winter boots for Henry and electricity.

“Um, this place is a little fancy,” she said, looking down at her work outfit of dark wash denim jeans, white tank top and red leather jacket.

Killian indicated his own attire - black jeans that were a little less tight than the ones he’d worn yesterday (a good sign he was obeying her instructions), a dark blue t-shirt and a black leather jacket of his own that looked more suited to riding a motorcycle than catching criminals, but what did she know?

“Casual dress at lunch,” he assured her. “To die for lobster rolls.”

Emma mentally calculated how much a lobster roll would set back her food budget as Killian placed his hand on her lower back and urged her into the restaurant.

She was going to have to make a rule about him not being allowed to touch her because her brain short circuited and she suddenly couldn’t recall what a budget was or how one accommodated for it.

They were seated at a table by the water and the view really was spectacular, the horizon a calming sight Emma was desperately in need of. Killian had good table manners (because of course he did), filling her water glass from the bottle their server left on the table before he attended to his own, confirming with her that the lobster roll sounded good (it really, really, really did) before ordering for them both. He added a pitcher of fresh blueberry lemonade for them to split, promising her it was not to be missed. Emma’s eyes bugged at the prices but she decided to give herself this afternoon with an unfairly attractive man who genuinely seemed to like her and wanted her to eat lobster rolls with him. There was plenty of time for reality to come crashing down when she couldn’t smell the sea and watch the flickers of sunlight play in Killian’s eyes the exact same way it did on the waves.

She tried this once, the dating someone new thing. Neal had pretty much decimated the part of her brain (and her heart) capable of trusting, but she thought, maybe there was a guy out there who’d remind her they weren’t all like Neal. (Never mind that she still remembered what it had been like at the start, her and him against the world, the mischievous flicker in Henry’s eyes reminding her that she could never really hate him the way she wanted to, because the best parts of him were like a gift every time she looked at her little boy.)

Once she got settled into work at the tattoo shop, she’d gone on a few dates, Ruby and Mulan eagerly offering to babysit toddler Henry. There had been five - maybe six? - guys total and every single one of them had been visibly deflated by the news that the hot 20-year-old blonde had a kid at home. Though the one she disliked the most had been the guy who’d feigned interest in Henry so he could sleep with her.

Emma realized that she really wasn’t looking forward to watching that disappointment cross Killian’s face. No one expected the hot (now 24) year old blonde who worked at the tattoo shop to have a kid. She suspected Killian was a little older than her (she’d have put him around 30 given his job and the slight laugh lines around his eyes) but she knew a single mom wasn’t exactly a highly sought dating prospect. She just felt shitty not telling him about Henry, when he was the best thing that had ever happened to her, just so she could, what? Enjoy a hot guy eating a lobster roll?

Yeah, okay, so maybe a little bit that. Besides, it wasn’t going to go anywhere. He didn’t need to know about her life because this was a friendly meal and she was supposed to be asking him about his tattoo not picturing him naked (and she could. From the waist down, at least, all dark hair and lean muscle and definitely a shower, not a grower--STOP IT EMMA) and nervously peeling a bread roll.

“Luv?”

Emma blinked. “Sorry, what?”

Killian smiled, but it was a little forced. “I, uh, suppose you were woolgathering.”

Great and now she’d been so lost in her social anxiety that she’d completely missed him speaking to her. If this were a date, she’d have pretty much blown it.

“I don’t get much time out by the water,” she said a little lamely. “I don’t get much time out, period,” she added ruefully.

“Workaholic?” he asked.

“Sort of,” she hedged. She took a lot of shifts at work to earn enough money to keep her and Henry far from the poorhouse. Ruby’s grandmother lived in the same building and watched Henry after school most days. She also let him stay over when the shop stayed open late on the weekends. There was a little sleeping bag zone in back dubbed Henry’s corner that he’d filled with books and toys and the oldest of his handheld video games. “What about you?”

There, that was nice and sociable.

“I enjoy my work,” Killian said. “But I have other… priorities that keep me from the workaholic label. Which, I suppose, brings us nicely to the subject of this lunch.”

Right. Not a date. He wanted a tattoo and she’d broken Rule #2 for him.

She gave him a professional smile. “Tell me a little bit about what you’re looking for.”

His lips pursed in thought for a moment, then he shrugged. “I suppose that’s part of the problem. I know what I want it to convey and I know the meaning behind it, but I’m not sure I know what symbol will best represent it to permanently ink on my body.”

Her smile turned a little more personal, because she could relate. Her buttercup was easy - the other tattoos she’d had were a little less… on the nose and direct. It had taken her months to settle on them. “Why don’t we try this. Tell me why you want it and some of the ideas you’ve had and I’ll do my job to get you some sketches to narrow it down.”

He puffed his cheeks out like an adorable chipmunk with no idea how attractive it was. Damn it, she was so screwed.

“Brilliant.” He reached into a satchel and pulled out an old, battered copy of Peter Pan, then set it before her almost reverently.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Big fan?”

His smile widened. “My brother and I read the tale a great deal during our childhood - he’s older, so some of my earliest memories are the little crush he always had on Wendy Darling.”

Emma laughed. “And you?”

Killian shrugged. “I’ve always preferred the company of real women.”

“Yeah, that’s just about what I’d figure you’d say,” she muttered. Damn chipmunk knew exactly how attractive he was.

“Though I confess, the last few years, there’s really only been the one woman in my life,” he added.

That confession definitely gave Emma pause. If he had a girlfriend -- a steady one at that -- it meant this was definitely just a business thing and she was suddenly mortified at the idea that she’d tried to call off a date that wasn’t even a date. That was what mortification felt like, right? That vice like grip around her heart that felt like disappointment and the death of some possibility, some flutter of perhaps when you met someone new?

“And is that lucky lady the other inspiration for the tattoo?” Emma asked, swallowing down the disappointment - because that was exactly what it was. She should have been used to it by now.

His smile didn’t widen - it glowed. Emma kind of wanted to vomit, which was perfect timing, because the lobster rolls were delivered by their efficient but discreet waiter. The blueberry lemonade was spectacular, too, damn the charming chipmunk who was obviously not available.

He’d said he was though, hadn’t he? When they’d been talking about his after care for the piercing? She could have sworn he’d said he didn’t have to worry about any sexual partners! She wasn’t so delusional that she’d made that up.

She was about to open her mouth and say something stupid and accusatory like how dare you get a single mom’s hopes up even though I’m not really interested because I’m an emotional cripple, but seriously how dare you sir - when his phone went off.

“Damn it,” he muttered as he stared down at a text. “I’m so sorry, it’s an emergency at work - please, enjoy the food and feel free to wrap mine up and take it with you.” He was waving the waiter down and scrolling through his phone. “Are you busy tomorrow night? A mate of mine is playing at a pub and I promised I’d go, but we can discuss this a bit more then. I’ll be much less likely to be called in at night, as well.” He shot her a charming grin and she was so dazzled that she forgot all her questions and simply rattled off her phone number. He responded by sending her two emojis, one that was lifting its eyebrow and the other giving her a cheesy grin.

Seriously, who the hell did he think he was?

Then he was gone and a few seconds later she got another text with an address and the time of 7:30, tomorrow night.

She was going to have to ask Granny to watch Henry, because apparently she was a total idiot for this guy. He’d left the copy of Peter Pan so at the very least she’d need to return it to him, since it meant so much.

When the waiter returned to ask if she’d like anything else, Emma had another moment of panic - she was going to have to pay for both of their lobster rolls. But when she said she’d only like to go containers and a check, the waiter said Killian had taken care of the bill on his way out.

Sneaky, multitasking little profiler - Emma took a grudging bite of her lobster roll, then couldn’t quite muffle an involuntary moan. It was amazing and she wasn’t above gloating a little that she would get to have his for dinner. He may have a girlfriend that was getting a loving and thoughtful tattoo out of him (even though she could have sworn he said he didn’t have one) but Emma could re-prioritize. She could enjoy spending some time with a very attractive man who was apparently willing to buy her delicious food in exchange for said time while she got to design a beautiful piece of art for him.

That was the definition of win-win.

So why did she feel vaguely shitty about the whole thing?

She texted him back anyway, with a thumbs up emoji. Then she started flipping through Peter Pan while she carefully kept her lobster roll hand separate from her page turning one.

Another text dinged on her phone. Killian - yes, she’d added him to her contacts, so what, shut up.

Great! Really sorry I had to run out on you - I should warn you, this does tend to happen a fair bit. So please don’t take it personally - you are as lovely and charming as a bloke could hope for and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.

Seriously, who texted like that? Who had a right to be so thoughtful and flirty but not over the line flirty and perfect and apparently have a girlfriend even though he definitely said he did not have one?!

Emma took an angry bite of her lobster roll.

And responded with another thumbs up text.

#cs fic #my stuff #my cs fic #pierced #csmarchmadness

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ohmytheon · 6 years

Text

The Definition of a Hero (FMA x BNHA, 5)

Notes: So not only did it turn out that I was spelling Kayama’s name wrong the whole time, but I didn’t post chapter 5 on here like I thought I did. Oopsies. This is actually one of my favorite chapters so far. Roy does not have a happy reunion with his teachers and former classmates and we get to see the entrance exam from his eyes.

The Definition of a Hero forgiving: ready and willing to forgive

School was...school. Already it was a whole different beast now that he was on the other side and Roy didn’t know what to think. It was like he had to learn all over again, except this time he was teaching, like he was back to being a sidekick while trying to prove himself as a hero in a country that wasn’t his own.

After speaking with Nezu and getting a handle on things, Roy stepped out of his office, heading towards the room where all the teachers would be watching and assessing the entrance exams. However, just as he turned around, he nearly collided with someone and to fight the urge to turn tail and walk away. He didn't even think of that when facing a villain. Why was one man any different?

“Aizawa, wow, you look…” Roy looked him in the eyes. “Tired.”

It appeared as if time had only made the circles under Aizawa’s eyes even deeper, but despite having not seen him in over a decade, he didn’t look remarkably different. His hair was longer, his face more gaunt, and there was a permanent five o’clock shadow to match the permanent frown, but it was still him.

“And you look far too pleased with yourself,” Aizawa replied, “so nothing’s changed.”

Knowing full well that he might be ignored or turned down, Roy held out a hand and, surprisingly, Aizawa shook it without hesitation. But then, Aizawa had always been a good person, much better than Roy. Besides falling asleep in class often, he had been a good student, but more importantly, he had been a good friend. They had butted heads plenty, but that was only to be expected with Roy’s antagonistic behavior. He’d thought it was funny to push the other boy’s buttons.

Everything had changed after the Incident, an irreparable shift between them that neither one seemed to be able to handle, and they’d never fully recovered like Roy and Riza had. He didn’t know whether it was on his own behalf or Aizawa’s. Both of them had been stubborn in their own ways. Riza had fought her way back into his life; Aizawa had let him go without a word. To be honest, Roy didn’t blame him, but with so many years having passed, it was difficult to tell where that put them now.

“So how long have you been teaching here?” Roy asked, genuinely curious.

Aizawa considered him for a moment, as if deciding whether or not this conversation was worth it or a waste of his time, but then answered, “Three years.”

“Didn’t figure you for the teaching type,” Roy pointed out.

“I could say the same for you,” Aizawa replied without missing a beat. He never had beat around the bush, always preferring to face things head on. There was no sense in sparing someone’s feelings. Maybe that was why things had fallen away between them back at UA. There was nothing he could say. What was done was done. Roy had made his choice and he would have to face the consequences. Pity was not an emotion Aizawa subscribed to. “I don’t think you’re the right man for the job.”

Despite the insult, the comment made Roy smile. Just like old times. He could just hear Aizawa grumbling from underneath his folded arms on his desk, “I think you’re an arrogant bastard,” when they were fifteen.

“To be honest, I’m not so sure either,” Roy admitted. He thought he saw a change in Aizawa’s gaze. Admitting any sort of weakness or uncertainty was not one of Roy’s skills, despite his penchant for guilt. He was strong and he knew it. He was confident in his abilities and knew that he was better than many other heroes out there. So to agree with Aizawa now meant something.

It was an olive branch. Maybe not a good one, but a start. As good as he was at making enemies -- and he was very good, with both villains and heroes alike -- he didn’t want to make them here. He and Aizawa would never be friends again and it would be even worse with Yamada, but Roy could tolerate amiability. He could tolerate a lot of things, hopefully a bunch of children included.

“Then why did you agree to take the position?” Aizawa asked.

“Because Nezu asked and I owe him more than I can pay back,” Roy said honestly, knowing that it might make him appear softer than he liked, “and I don’t want anyone to make the same stupid, terrible mistakes that I did.”

Aizawa nodded. “You made a lot of those.”

He would know. He had been around to see a lot of them and not just the awful ones. They had made a few idiot ones together as well, as any kid and student were bound to do. Roy would never be able to forget having the clean the dorm bathrooms for a week after the two of them were caught shirking class and napping in the back of the library. It had been disgusting and they’d sworn to never nap in such an easy to find place again. Those had been some of the best times of his life. It was a shame that he’d dragged them through the mud for nothing.

“I don’t know how Riza puts up with you,” Aizawa sighed, sounding like the whole thing exhausted him. “I’ve told her on more than one occasion that it’s a waste of her time.”

Roy might’ve flinched if he hadn’t known that Aizawa and Riza were still in contact and friends and she had already told him of Aizawa’s thoughts. Despite being partners with him at his agency, it had not affected Riza’s relationship with their old classmates. He thought that things might have been tense at first, but after a while, they’d warmed up to her again and she had been accepted back into the fold while he sat on the outskirts. It didn’t hurt him; he’d built other connections after leaving.

“I’m sure she wonders it every now and then as well,” Roy said. Before Aizawa could end the conversation and speak with Nezu, as he had surely been planning before crossing his path, Roy did it for him. “I suppose we’ll see who’s right.”

Aizawa settled a dark, half-lidded look on him, one that spoke of promise. “If you do anything to betray Nezu or this school--”

Roy held up a hand. “Then you can see to my end personally. I expect as much from you.” He dropped his hand and put it back into his pocket. “I know my word means little, but believe me when I say that I would rather die fighting with my bare hands and no quirk than do something like that again.”

There was another beat where the two men stared each other down. Aizawa did look tired, but behind that exhaustion was the strength of a man who would go on fighting villains tooth and nail until the bitter end. He would not hesitate to do as Roy said if it came to it and maybe, for the most part, there would be nothing personal in it as well.

Finally, without so much as a goodbye, Aizawa moved around Roy and stepped into Nezu’s office. Truth be told, the confrontation had gone a lot better than Roy had expected, but then, he should’ve known that Aizawa would not bother getting into a fight or pissing match with him. He would react to things logically after time spent carefully observing this new dynamic and if he deemed an argument necessary he would have it out.

Yamada, on the other hand, would not be so kind and Roy didn’t even want to think about how Kayama would react. As long as she didn’t smother him to death, he’d be fine. He’d bought special earplugs to deal with Yamada.

Roy almost choked on his own tongue when he stepped into the observation room, coming to a complete halt as the door shut behind him and trying not to outright gawk. Of course he recognized all the pro heroes who had become teachers at UA later in their careers. Nezu had told him who all of his colleagues were so that he would have a heads up. Well, almost all of them.

The sneaky principal hadn’t told Roy that All Might was the other teacher he’d hired this year.

Despite being one of the highest paid and well-known heroes himself, it was impossible not to get a little star struck by All Might. The immensity of his power was evident, even if his muscles were hidden under a garish yellow suit. His smile was bright even in the dark room, shining from the glare of the television screens, and he looked even taller in person than he did in interviews. Roy was certain that the hero could physically crush him with one hand. No wonder villains turned tail and ran like crazy whenever they saw him.

How could you possibly fight him and think you had a chance of winning? Roy knew the strength of his quirk and he knew that he was more powerful than most pro heroes out there, but even he would have a difficult time against All Might. He wouldn’t have been able to fight like a hero against an impressive man like that.

“Flame Alchemist!” the number one hero greeted, holding out his massive arms like he meant to pull Roy into a painful bear hug. It almost caused Roy to take a step back, but he stood his ground. “Nezu told me that he planned on offering you the other position, but I did not know if you’d accepted it or not. I’m incredibly pleased that we will have this opportunity to work together.”

He sounded genuine. Roy had to wonder if Nezu had told All Might about Roy’s history. It was hard to tell. All Might was the status that every hero aspired to; he was not only the symbol of peace but that of heroism as well. He had no doubt that All Might would accept him into his good graces even if he did know. Because that was what heroes did. He would not hold something nearly fifteen years old against him. Number one hero notwithstanding, he was a good person, plain and simple, and that was hard to come by these days, even in heroes.

It would make sense for Nezu to tell them if they didn’t already know. Three of them did, so it was bound to get out sooner or later once people realized that they had all attended UA together. Finding out on their own might break any trust he managed to build with them. Knowing in advance could also keep him from being able to do that in the first place.

Still, Roy managed a smile and held out his hand. The sight of All Might shaking his hand was comical considering the size difference. He shoved his hand back into his coat pocket. “That’s why you came back into town then, isn’t it? Nezu didn’t tell me that he hired you.”

“Ah,” All Might replied, rubbing the back of his neck almost like he was shy, “that information has not been released to the public yet.”

Roy nodded, opening to his mouth to comment on their clever boss, when a woman’s voice called out, “Roy Mustang!”

Immediately, Roy cringed and muttered, “Not my real name…” even though it was already too late. They would have eventually known it, but it was one of those things that every hero got used to after a while. Only going by their code name in public and the general masses never knowing their true given name. It gave Roy a sense of anonymity and even safety. No one could look up his records, even if they didn’t say much. His school records had been wiped so that they looked positively droll in comparison to others; the real one, hopefully, Nezu had gotten rid of ages ago.

By the time the woman wedged her way to the front of the room, Roy was trying to put a collected smile back on his face, but he knew that it would mean absolutely nothing. He couldn’t charm her, not when she was even better at it than him. He’d seen guys fall at her feet after just a wink and sly smile. Nonetheless, he had to be strong. She was not a fan of weakness.

“Hello, Kayama,” Roy greeted. “Or do you prefer Midnight?”

Of course Kayama looked right through him, her gaze as sharp as a knife. He’d seen her on television at the last U.A. Sports Festival. He was always invited to go, but never went, preferring to watch the games without having to step foot on campus. Seeing her in person though was jarring. Her costume had to be uncomfortably tight and left absolutely nothing to the imagination despite showing no skin. It was the complete opposite of Riza, who the media constantly criticized for not wearing an “attractive” costume, as if that mattered for a female pro hero.

Things like that had never bothered Kayama though. She liked provoking people with her appearance and attitude; she had been no different when their were students, if not so...graphic. It was why she and Roy had gotten along so well. They’d made a terror of a pair.

“You’ve been back in town for how many years and I only see you now because you’re my colleague?” Kayama laid a hand on his cheek, stroking it softly. She had such smooth hands, somehow avoiding callouses from her whip, another thing very unlike Riza. “I should knock you unconscious, you know.”

“Been there, done that,” Roy told her, “and while it’s pleasant during it, the headache after was more painful than a kick to the head.”

Kayama gave him a wicked smile. “That’s because you always fought it so much. If you had just lied back like a good boy, you would have enjoyed it more.”

Behind her, one of the other teachers coughed uncomfortably. Roy fought the urge to laugh. This was the Nemuri Kayama that he remembered. She didn’t mind if people took what she said the wrong way -- in fact, she preferred it -- and so she said whatever she felt like to get a reaction. The other teachers were probably used to it by now, but with Roy here as a fresh victim, she could be more terrible than usual.

It was kind of frightening, if he was being honest. Kayama always had been a bit intimidating.

Dropping the act for the most part, Kayama pulled her hand away and placed it on her hip, cocking them to the side in a defiant manner. “I can’t believe you came back. I can’t believe that you’re teaching .” He thought the same thing of her, but kept it to himself, if only because she didn’t say those things in the same way as Aizawa. Actually, she sounded rather happy, a little shocked but pleased by the strange turn of events. Of course she would though. This would be painful and fun. “What was Nezu thinking?

“You know, I’m not sure,” Roy said. “I’m a bit surprised that I’m here as well.”

“I didn’t think you would ever return,” Kayama continued, her voice a little softer this time. “I missed you.”

The fact that he knew she was telling the truth struck him like a knife in the chest. Kayama, he knew, had been hurt by his betrayal and incredibly angry. He’d been forced to hide from her lest he suffer her wrath, but even worse, he had been too humiliated to face her. By the time she graduated, their relationship had completely dissolved and that he knew had been his own doing. They’d been reduced to uncomfortable looks, confused glares, and muttered words. When he moved overseas to find hero work, it hadn’t taken anything to cut off all contact.

To hear those words now made guilt twist in Roy’s gut. It had been a while since someone had made him feel bad like this. “I should’ve contacted you earlier, but I…”

“Oh, I know; you have the same emotional consideration as Aizawa, who would rather die than admit anything.” Kayama waved him off, but when she looked at him again, he nodded his head. Later, when they could afford some privacy, they would talk more. He found himself looking forward to it more than expected. He had missed her as well. While they hadn’t been as close as he and Riza, she’d been easy to get along with, even if the two of them had often gotten in trouble. “Have you run into him yet?”

“Yeah, outside of Nezu’s office. He didn’t kill me so not terrible. They’re probably on their way here now.” Roy then peered around the dark room, taking note of all the other professors in it. Soon, they would all sit down to watch the entrance exams so that they could observe and grade the students attempting to get into U.A. It would be the first act as a teacher and, while it was nothing compared to fighting down multiple villains, it made him a bit anxious. “Is, ah…?”

Kayama shook her head. “No, he’s greeting the students and explaining the entrance exam.”

“Of course. That makes sense.” Roy wiped his face clean. Meeting up again with Aizawa and Kayama hadn’t been so bad. Maybe time had healed some wounds. The knowing look on Kayama's face told him that she knew exactly what he was thinking and he sighed. Not all of them apparently. Well, he was used to people not liking him -- reveled in it at times. This would be no different. He just had to give back as much grief as he was given.

The first thing that Roy noticed while watching the students take the UA entrance exam was that he had forgotten how incredibly strong some quirks were in mere children. None of them should’ve had the kind of power that could destroy a person at their age. He certainly shouldn’t have had it. Yet, often, this was the age when their quirk began to grow stronger. It was the perfect time to teach them how to control and use it for the greater good.

He sat silently next to Kayama, leaning back in his chair with an elbow propped on the armrest and his fingers bent and resting against his lips. Because of the large amount of would-be students, they were forced to focus on multiple screens that depicted different scenes in the testing arenas. Some gave a larger view of the area while others were focused solely on one student at a time.

It was remarkable, watching these kids jump into a combat scenario when they had never used their quirk in such a way before. Prior to the exam, most of these kids used their quirks for fun or daily life. They might’ve used their quirks to bully those with lesser or no quirks, but that sort of violence wasn’t the same as this kind. Now it was something a little more serious.

It was close to a fight with a villain and yet not nearly enough. What did a robot know of a villain’s desires? What did a robot know of a villain’s need to destroy? It didn’t matter if the villain was a purse thief or a murderer. They all wanted something and a robot couldn’t get that kind of desperation through that caused them to act so maniacally.

“Amazing,” Snipe breathed out as he leaned forward to point at one of the screens. “The strength of his quirk at this age already exceeds that of most of the third year students.”

Roy had been watching the screen already, his eyes drawn to the potential student every time he appeared on one of the cameras. Katsuki Bakugou -- some sort of explosion quirk. It was amazing. Powerful, vicious, and terrifying. The moment Roy had caught sight of the first explosion, which destroyed a one point robot in one go, he’d snapped his eyes in that direction and locked on it.

Two thoughts crossed Roy’s mind. One: He’s going to be a nightmare to teach. And two: He’s going to have to work twice as hard to be a hero.

For some people, being a hero came naturally, but the problem was that it wasn’t just one thing that made up a pro hero. There were multiple facets that most kids never considered upon applying for the hero course. It wasn’t just about being the strongest or smartest; they had to be charming too unless they wanted to work underground. With a flashy quirk like that, there was no way Bakugou could or would want to do that.

He was all raw power with edges sharp enough to cut a person if they dared to get close and a hint of control that suggested he was one button away from losing it. The problem was that heroes had to be approachable even if they went by code names and fought criminals and it was clear that getting within five feet of Bakugou was just asking for trouble. Roy watched the way the kid brusquely blew past anyone that got in his way, even taking down robots that other potential students were fighting with, effectively stealing their points. It was the rage that Roy noticed the most, as if the robots were beneath him.

Give me a real challenge, Bakugou’s explosions seemed to demand.

Roy smirked behind his hand. Oh, he could do that.

“At this rate, he’ll take the first place spot without getting any rescue points,” Thirteen pointed out.

Cementoss shook his head. “But he seems so temperamental and arrogant -- at such a young age, too.”

Kayama brushed Roy’s leg with her foot, dragging his attention away from the screen showing Bakugou to look at her. There was a lazy smirk on her face. “Remind you of someone else at that age?”

Roy scoffed. “I was not that volatile.” His eyes went back to the screen. The explosions did remind him of his own, except Bakugou was forced to use close range attacks. Perhaps, with the right equipment, he would be able to do long range ones like Roy was capable of. If he could pinpoint them, he could use his quirk in a way that would be safer for combat in a smaller area. Right now, he looked like he was trying to blow the whole place up. “Besides, I got rescue points.”

“Ten, to be exact,” Nezu pointed out, “although most believed it was incidental, as your main goal seemed to be stealing the points away from the student you saved.”

That earned a quiet snicker from Kayama and what sounded like a harrumph from Aizawa in the background. Roy ignored them both, but did recall the event. To be honest, he had been stealing the points from that student and he’d snapped at them after the fact to get out of his way if they were going to act like a frozen idiot. But that had been because he’d been genuinely worried that they would hurt themselves, not just because. The rush of the entrance exam went to everyone’s head.

Having them compare Bakugou to him did make Roy wary though. It was in good humor now, but later on, some of those comparisons might not be as kind. In order to be a pro hero, one had to be hero-like and like it or not, with that smirking snarl on his face, the fury in his eyes, and the explosions ready in the palm of his hands, Roy thought that some people might not see the hero in Katsuki Bakugou.

At UA, they taught students that quirks were meant to save lives, but more often than not for heroes, those same quirks were capable of killing people just as well. It was a tighter rope than most liked to admit.

Another student that caught the attention of the teachers was a boy named Edward Elric. Both he and his younger brother were applying for the school, having been born close enough to be in the same class. Roy could not imagine having to raise two kids with such unique quirks at the same time. Edward was insistent though and it was clear that he had been working on strengthening his quirk for a long time.

While other potential students destroyed the robots, with a single press of his palm, Edward was able to transform them, the metal twisting to whatever he wanted. Most of them turned into tacky statues. The action was effective nonetheless. With their insides twisted into something else, the bots were useless and no longer functional, rendering them completely harmless.

It was incredibly creative, almost like Edward was sparing the lives of the bots.

This quirk and strategy allowed him to not only rack up attack points but also rescue points, putting him in as a front runner, not far behind Bakugou, which seemed to anger the latter. One time, when Bakugou jumped onto a bot’s back, Edward transformed it right underneath him, turning the robot into an admittedly comical metal statue of Bakugou’s face mid-scream. Bakugou was infuriated, blowing the thing to high heaven, while Edward ran off laughing.

It was strange and contradicting, seeing them act like two children while simultaneously wielding such power under the stress of the entrance exam.

The last main thing that Roy noticed was that Shoto Todoroki was missing even though Roy had seen him on campus. Roy’s mind had immediately gone to Riza the second he saw Todoroki’s face and bitterness rose in the back of his throat. Was the fire quirk passed down through the Todoroki line a gift or a curse? All it did seemed to do was harm those that wanted nothing to do with it. Riza had not inherited it -- her life would have most likely been even more like Todoroki’s if she had -- but it had still hurt her in the end.

(No, he had hurt her. There was a difference.)

Perhaps Todoroki had been accepted into UA on recommendation. It would make sense, considering his father was Endeavor and he had an incredibly powerful quirk. The school allowed four per year into their hero course, though most needed to have a connection and could not rely on their quirk alone. Roy was disappointed. He had wanted to see Todoroki’s quirk in action before seeing him, but there was nothing to be done about it. Plenty of the other students had intriguing quirks to keep his attention outside of Bakugou.

Like that green-haired kid who went from panicking to leaping full blast to knock the hell out of the monstrous zero point bot, all to save a girl trapped under some rubble without a second thought.

“Holy shit,” Roy muttered under his breath.

Nearly everyone in the room jolted in shock, with the exception of All Might and Nezu. Even Aizawa had twitched behind them. It had been so sudden. The kid hadn’t had any points and seemed certain to fail spectacularly, but then he’d destroyed the robot with one hit. No child should have that kind of strength. It was absolutely immense. And clearly very dangerous, judging from the way the quirk turned back on him and destroyed his body.

None of the teachers could do anything, just sit and watch in horror as the boy plummeted full speed to his death. He saw Kamaya tense in her seat and All Might grit his teeth. They were heroes and they could do nothing from where they were. And then, the girl the boy had saved slapped him in the face a few meters from the ground and he came to a floating halt.

Saved. Both of them saved. They’d saved each other.

Now that was a rescue.

Nezu broke the tension in the room. “Shall we vote on the rescue points?”

Roy couldn’t help but smile as he watched the hero teachers hold up their paddles that displayed the rescue points they allotted to the students. Call it a sudden case of sentimentalism for that old feeling of true heroism, the kind that had propelled him when he’d been an innocent child, but he gave eight full points. Despite the fact that the attack had backfired on the kid, it was astounding. It had been a long time since he’d seen power like that in a person that so obviously wanted to do and be good.

Leaning back in his seat again, Roy examined the points board. One student at the top with only attack points and another student at the bottom with only rescue points. This was going to be an interesting year.

“I ought to blast you the hell out of here,” came a familiar voice from the doorway.

Roy grinned up from his spot at a table in the teacher’s lounge and waved a hand. “Hello to you too, Yamada.”

Honestly he had been half-expecting Present Mic to kick the door down with a classic rock-like scream of, “DO YOU WANNA FUCKING DIE?” using his quirk, which would’ve blown Roy senseless. That was why he’d come here with Kayama. On campus indoors, the other hero wouldn’t use his quirk since it would destroy school property.

“Oh, no, I don’t think so,” Yamada growled as he stomped into the room. “You don’t get to just stroll in here and act like everything's a-okay.”

He was in his full pro hero costume, which meant that if he did want to wreck Roy’s eardrums and then some, it wouldn’t be an issue. But no, Roy was certain that he wouldn’t do it -- no here, at least. Still, Roy’s fingers twitched at the hot feeling of the ceramic cup in his hands. He always felt so bare and uncomfortable whenever he didn’t wear his gloves, but he’d kept them in his pockets. It left him more vulnerable. It was his sign to everyone that he wasn’t here for a fight.

So what if he didn’t actually need his gloves to cause damage? They didn’t need to know that. After keeping the truth about his quirk a secret for over fifteen years, he no longer felt guilt over tricking anyone. It was his quirk. He didn’t owe explanations to anyone.

Holding his hands out palms up, Roy leaned back in his seat and asked, “What would you have me do then? Apologize?” He fixed a steady look on Yamada’s angry face. “I’m sorry. I truly am. Better?” When Yamada didn’t answer, only screwed up his face further like he was trying to decide whether or not to let out a deafening scream, Roy shook his head. “I didn’t think so.”

“Boys,” Kayama drawled from where she was sprawled on the couch, “play nice.” She gave them a cheshire cat smile and tugged on the thin material of her costume. “Or I’ll be forced to punish you.”

Yamada turned on her. “Are you actually siding with him?”

“No, I’m thinking about the exam results,” Kayama replied coolly, “and you’re being loud, as usual.”

Undeterred and boiling with just barely contained irritation at her indifference and Roy’s mere presence, Yamada pointed an accusing finger at Roy. “He shouldn’t have even been allowed to graduate, much less become a hero and then a teacher.”

Roy shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t force my way in. Principal Nezu asked me to come.”

“He should’ve expelled you,” Yamada seethed.

“You’re probably right,” Roy countered, “but he didn’t.” A nasty smirk grew on his face. “It must kill you that I’m more famous than you are.”

It was hard not to rile Yamada’s feathers. He knew that he shouldn’t -- he knew that he should try to make peace with the other hero -- but it was so hard not to fall back into that old role, especially when Yamada clearly didn’t want him here in the first place. They’d been tenuous friends at best in school. He had been energetic and very enthusiastic, a complete contrast to Aizawa, but also very passionate. Both Riza and Kayama had suggested that their equally outgoing personalities clashed with one another. Aizawa had cut ties with him and he had avoided Kayama, but if there was one thing Yamada was, it was vocal and he had been so about his opinion of Roy.

What galled Roy the most was that he hadn’t necessarily disagreed with Yamada during that time.

“Stop being mean, Mustang,” Kayama warned him. To his credit, Roy held up his hands in front of him again, this time in surrender. “Even Aizawa said that the principal must have a logical reason for his decision, so we should trust him.”

Both of them knew that Yamada would concede a little if he knew that Aizawa was on board. He folded his arms across his chest and tapped his boot on the ground. “I trust Nezu. I’m not about to trust him .”

“You don’t have to trust me, Yamada,” Roy pointed out. “You don’t have to even like me.” Despite being popular and well-known, he was also used to people not liking him. According to Riza, he rubbed a lot of pro heroes the wrong way with his smug behavior and flashy quirk that left little limelight for anyone else after he showed up. He didn’t care. “Whether you believe me or not -- I don’t care -- but my only concern here is to not let Nezu or the students down.”

“So smooth,” Yamada mumbled, about as quiet as Roy had ever heard him speak.

Kayama threw him a smile and batted her eyelashes at him. “Speak all noble and compassionate like that and you’re going to get me hot and bothered.” Roy rolled his eyes while Yamada snorted. He had forgotten just how outrageous she could be; she was even worse when the cameras were around. He’d missed her playfulness. “No wonder you’re so popular with the ladies. I’d be jealous if I was Hawkeye.”

There was no way in hell that he was going to respond to that.

Now that the main confrontations and the entrance exams were over, Roy felt utterly drained. He hadn’t felt this mentally beat in a long time, but then he hadn’t slept much either. In between thinking about today and pouring over the murder case file in his living room, he’d maybe got two or three hours. He also still had planned on going back to the agency so that he could give Riza a break. She’d told him to go home after this, but he wanted to keep himself busy and doing hero work would do just that.

Also, if he could blow the hell out of a villain or two, that would be great and really do some wonders for him.

“I’ve got to get back to my agency,” Roy told them, standing up from the table.

“We’re still on for dinner Friday, yes?” Kayama asked. He waved a dismissive hand as if to say of course. “If you’re going to wine and dine me, it better be a proper place -- and I never pay for my meals.”

How was it that he was ending up buying food for everyone at this damn place? Next thing he knew, Aizawa would be expecting a coffee or All Might would ask him for a protein shake or something. Nonetheless, Roy nodded his head and didn’t fight the matter. He owed her more than dinner if she was accepting him back into her life, although he had no doubts that she would do something to make him regret it later. Punishment was one of her favorite things in life.

He almost shuddered just thinking of a few things she’d done when they had been schoolmates. Even to her friends, she could be particularly...cruel.

As Roy walked passed Yamada and out of the room, he could tell that the other hero wanted to say something, but he bit his tongue for once, probably because of a look on Kayama’s face. Chances were this wouldn’t be their last confrontation anyways. Roy had accepted that some people would not like him -- and he also had to accept that they had every reason to do so. He’d learned to push that aside a long time. The opinions of his status as a hero with the public was important to him, but as far as people liking him as a person? It didn’t matter. Everyone could hate him for all he cared as long as he did his job as a hero. As long as he was a hero.

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ilovereadingandilovebreathing · 6 years

Text

Virgil the (Semi-)Friendly Ghost

Second Thing’s Second: Part two is here!

Third thing’s third: Part three is here!

Fourth thing’s fourth: Part four is here!

Fifth thing’s fifth: Part five is here!

Whole Story Summary: Patton Sanders has finally moved into his new apartment, only to learn that the room upstairs isn’t as vacant as it seems. With his new neighbors and friends, Logan and Roman, Patton meets the spectral squatter, not quite prepared for the spectrum of events to come.

Chapter Summary: Patton’s the new kid in the apartment complex, and new neighbor Roman is more than willing to help him with anything, be it moving boxes or getting acquainted with local lore. His other neighbor, Logan, is less than enthused with his hallmate’s theatrics.

Chapter Characters: Patton (Thompson), Roman (Sanderson), Logan (Foley)

Pairnings: None explicitly stated, but I imagine ships could be read into some of their interactions.

Warnings: mentions of throwing up and drunkenness; a little bit of yelling and arguing; a tiny bit of spook (?)

Word Count: 2052

Tags: @ssides @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @pantasticpanini

A/N: So, I saw a text post from @thoselittlesandersides (I believe; sorry if I’m wrong) about a Moxiety AU where Virgil haunts Patton. I also just blew through @pirate-patton ‘s “The Haunting of Thomas Sanders,” so I’m feelin’ real spooky and angsty right now. I really love this AU concept for some reason, so I might write my own take on Thomas being haunted in the future. Or something else. We’ll see. ANYWAY here’s this one.

After 2 years and a couple of shortfalls, Patton had finally found it: the perfect apartment for him.

It was spacious, but not too roomy, with one bedroom, one bathroom, a full-sized kitchen, a small dining room, and a cozy living area, all for an affordable price. The medium-sized Florida town was a great place for a young man like him to get a fresh start, far enough away from the stress and stench of college dorms that he finally felt like a real, new man. The only issue was, it was also far enough away from his home town that his parents and siblings couldn’t help him unpack, and he’d feel horrible if they had to take off work just to help him move some boxes and things. It wasn’t his fault that the landlord was insistent he move in on a Tuesday, but you take what you can get, sometimes. Patton, however, had it good, as far as he was concerned.

He stood beside the U-Haul he’d rented, gazing up at the eight-level apartment building for a moment before reaching back into the truck’s cab to grab a box of his most precious items. He inhaled deeply, set a smile on his face, and slammed the door shut as he approached his new home.

After he checked with the office manager and officially got his keys, Patton made his way to his apartment, fairly skipping as he went from excitement. When he finally reached his door, number 12 on the second floor, Patton carefully balanced his box on one hand and tried to jimmy his key into the lock with the other. He was so focused on his task that he started and nearly fell entirely to the floor when a booming voice broke the silence of the once-vacant hallway.

“You must be the new neighbor!” Patton looked over his shoulder and found a grinning young man strolling up behind him.

“Yup, that’s me!” Patton affirmed, returning a bright grin of his own before turning back to the task at hand.

“I’m Roman,” the other youth introduced himself as he came up beside Patton. “You need some help, there? These locks can be a real pain sometimes; you gotta stick the key in at just the right angle and- may I?” He gestured toward the lock and key.

“Be my guest.” Patton breathed. “And thank you. My name is Patton.”

“No problem at all, my newly minted neighbor. I’m always willing and able to help those in need!” Roman declared, turning the key and pushing open Patton’s door with a flourish. “Speaking of which, do you have any more boxes to cart in? I’d be more than willing to help!”

“Well, isn’t that sweet of you!” Patton gushed as he breezed past the other into his new living space; he gingerly set the box of precious momentos on the kitchen table and turned back to the door. “If you really don’t mind, I’d sure appreciate it! It’s only me, here,” he commented, the slightest twinge of sadness in his tone. “So I could use all the help I can get!”

“Brilliant! We’ll get this all done in no time at all!” Roman cried and turned quickly on his heel, Patton right behind him.

The halls echoed with the booms and trills of Roman singing “Whistle While You Work” as he made his rounds up and down the hall. By the time the pair was serenading the walls with “Almost There,” a bespectacled youth, with disheveled hair and sporting navy-hued pajamas, had stepped out of his apartment and was looking up and down the halls for the source of the merriment.

“Ah, Logan, beloved hallmate!” Roman called, waving as he and Patton made their last trek back to Patton’s door. “What brings you from the depths of your lonely apartment cell?”

Logan pushed up his glasses and quipped, “You know perfectly well, Roman. This time of day is a crucial rest period for me, and your loud merry-making has disturbed my adjusted sleep cycle.”

“Oopsy, I forget you’re literally a night owl!” The other laughed loudly, continuing into Patton’s apartment while the other stopped in front of Logan.

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry, uh-Logan!” Patton smiled apologetically. “If I’d known you were sleeping, we would’ve been more quiet.”

Sighing, Logan reassured him, “It’s quite alright, um-”

“Patton.”

“Patton. I am quite used to loud noises and-” Logan glared in Roman’s direction. “Other interruptions. I allow plenty of rest time to compensate. Fortunately, I was past the end of a REM cycle anyway.”

“Good to hear!” Patton headed toward his apartment. “Well, gotta get unpacking here, but it was nice to meet you, Logan!”

“And you as well, Patton.” The other called as he returned into the dark depths of his own abode.

“Well, that didn’t take too much time at all!” Patton surveyed the stacks of boxes around him and turned to Roman with a broad smile. “Thank you so much for your help, Roman; if there’s anything I can do in return, please let me know!”

“Speak nothing of it!” The other proclaimed. “As I said, I am always willing and able to help those in need!”

“I appreciate that! How about dinner? My treat? We can invite Logan, too, if that’s okay. I’d like to get to know my neighbors as soon as possible!”

“Marvelous proposition!” Roman’s voice was somehow even louder than before. “That bookworm needs to have social interaction every once in a while.” Roman continued, and Patton noted a touch of fondness in the other’s voice.

“It’s a date, then!”

-------

“So wait, you threw up ON stage?!” Patton stared at his neighbor is disbelief, his final forkful of fettucini stopped halfway to his mouth.

“Projectile vomited, actually.” Roman declared, as if showing up drunk to play the male lead in a musical was something to be proud of. “Right off the side of the giant fake ship, onto one of the dancers below.”

“Well, they did say “anything goes,” after all!”

Logan rolled his eyes as he sipped on a glass of water. “I’m amazed they still allow you to participate in the drama program at all after that incident. Thankfully, they were all able to convince the audience that it was an original, humorous improvisation. The show received effusive reviews from those who believed them, so Roman’s position was secured.”

“That takes some talent! Pats off to you, sir.” Patton giggled as Roman made a show of fake bowing, nearing tipping over all of their drinks in the process.

“And at the rate you are presently consuming alcohol, you’ll make an impromptu, no-budget repeat performance.” Logan swiped his own glass from Roman’s range, scoffing as the other merely laughed in return.

“Oh hush, you know you adore my skills, Calculator Watch. I saw you laugh during my performance as Jack Worthington, or Earnest, if you prefer.”

“Perhaps, but that was a one time appearance.”

“Oh, Lo, you’re no fun!” Roman whined, grimacing further when their checks came.

“I’ll get it, guys!” Patton exclaimed, eagerly reaching for his wallet.

“Well, are you sure, Patton? You only just moved in today, and I imagine funds-”

“It’d be my pleasure!” The soft-hearted man grinned widely at his two companions. “In celebration and gratitude of two new neighbors and friends!”

“Indeed!” Roman raised his glass. “To comradery!”

“Or something of the sort.” Logan barely raised his glass, taking a final sip and rising with the other two to leave.

“I’m glad we walked!” Roman declared as they thanked their hosts and stepped out into the crisp evening air. “It’s perfect weather right now! The mugginess of daytime has dissipated, but it’s not cold yet!”

“It is nice, isn’t it?” Patton mused, taking in the buildings, the people, the streetlamps all around him, wanting to become familiar with his new home as soon as possible.

“Thank you for dinner, Patton.” Logan said quietly, walking alongside the other man as they allowed Roman to trounce in front of them, earning himself full-body looks from men and women alike. “It was quite nice, and it will be a relief to have someone a little more...level-headed around.” Logan grumbled as Roman and Patton both squealed in delight at a giant, fluffy, brown Newfoundland, the latter bounding up beside Roman to cup the sweet creature’s face in his hands.

“His name is Chocolate, Logan, look!!” Patton practically screaming, wrapping his arms around the panting pup and squeezing him tight.

“Indeed, how befitting.” Logan commented, waiting patiently as the two took a few more minutes to fawn over the large dog. “And thankfully, our apartment building is just right there.” Logan thought to himself, not sure how much longer he could tolerate his tipsy neighbors’ antics for right now. He did have to smile a bit, though, at how purely happy and tender they were. Perhaps life with these two could be enjoyable in appropriate doses...

“Ooooo hey Patton, look!” Roman gestured toward the third floor of their apartment complex, pointing to the window of the room right above Patton’s. “There’s a ghost in there, you know!”

“What?!” Patton screeched, his eyes combing over where Roman’s finger pointed.

“Yeah, I heard about it from this couple who lives up there, Joan and Talyn, and they said that-”

“Please, do yourself a favor and do not pay him any mind, Patton.” Logan cut in, rolling his eyes. “There are a number of explanations for the noises heard coming from that room, and ghosts-”

“Are the most likely one!” Roman yelled, having come up in front of Logan, their faces so close they almost touched. “Joan and Talyn saw it; they told me so! They were walking past that door to get to theirs, and Talyn saw a dark shape leaning up against it, watching them!”

“Why just Talyn and not Joan?” Logan retorted.

“Because ghosts can do that, Logan, GEEZ, I told you you’re no fun!” Roman pouted, folding his arms like an petulant child.

“That’s alright with me.” Logan quipped back, looking down when his watch beeped at them. “Well, I was hoping for a few minutes of reprieve, but I must be off to the observatory. I will see you both as time permits.” Logan left them with a small wave, looking both ways before crossing to his parked car in the parking lot across the way.

“Observatory?” Patton asked.

“Yeah, Logan’s a fancy smancy astronomer, or something.” Roman rolled his eyes. “Nerd loves space, but he’s too much of a nerd to get to go up in it, so he stays down here and studies it.”

“That’s so cool!” Patton exclaimed, looking after his neighbor with a new sense of awe.

“Yeah, I guess, but not as cool as being an ac-tor!” Roman proclaimed with relish.

“Both are cool to me!” Patton smiled; he turned back to their building, eyes flashing up to that third floor window again when something shifted, probably a curtain moving under an air vent. “So, about that apartment...”

“Yeah, it’s weird.” Roman turned with him, gazing up at the window with a mischievous smile. “They’ve never found any people in there, no food trash or even hairs or anything, but the furniture moves around a bit sometimes and there’s noises, too. All sorts of weird noises. If you’re interested in really hearing some good stories, I can introduce you to Joan and Talyn! They’re really nice, and I’m sure they’d love to tell you about it!”

“Maybe later.” Patton replied, a slight chill going up his spine as the curtain shifted again. It looked like a face...

“Well, the theater calls!” Roman cried dramatically, taking Patton’s hand and gracefully bending to one knee. “I must be off, my newly minted neighbor, but I am grateful for the nourishment and for this time to become better acquainted. I eagerly await our time together in the future!”

“Right back at you, buddy!” Patton laughed, pulling Roman up with the hand he’d taken. “Bye, Roman!” Patton called as Roman waved and strode the opposite way, the theater only being a block from their complex. “What a funny guy.” Patton mumbled to himself as he turned and walked into their apartment complex, keeping an eye on that window as he went.

Second Thing’s Second: Part two is here!

Third thing’s third: Part three is here!

Fourth thing’s fourth: Part four is here!

Fifth thing’s fifth: Part five is here!

All of my Sanders Sides fanfics

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #Sanders Sides Fanfic #Thomas Sanders #sanders sides ghost au #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #im so excited about this one aaahh #tsfanfics #mine

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